#kids fails

[acorviart]

not to sound like a boomer, but I need some people to learn how to write emails in a semi-professional (at the very least) format so you're not cold emailing a business/potential employer/any other stranger about formal matters in the exact same way you'd DM a close friend on instagram

the formality/language can loosen up in the email chain once you've established a rapport and you match the other person if they're being less formal, but please don't have the very first email you send a stranger be written in all lowercase ultra-casual sms slang with no greeting or signature and a billion emojis

[brightlotusmoon]

[chloesimaginationthings]

Why did William get FNAF springlocked? Is he stupid?

[akanemnon]

I thought this game didn't have random encounters!

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[prlssprfctn]

In his new room - in his new house - Jason searches up for a circus performances and stares at them for hours. First, he watches at them mindlessly, unconsciously curious, and then, he starts to take notes.

He is a street kid, and everything about him screams of that. So, he is nowhere near the grace of these performers on the screen. His arms are not that strong, too, but he is agile, and his legs are much stronger - he can think of something.

He can be just as good as the boy he is replacing.

It is not like someone tells him to match Richard Grayson, and it is not like someone admits that Jason is here to replace the first Wonder Boy, but Jason heard Bruce's conversation with Dick earlier. It was meant not for his ears, but it doesn't matter now.

"So, now what, you exile me, and bring a boy to replace me?!"

Jason is not mad. All of it ‐ adoption papers, the manor, the school - is much more than he ever thought he would get in his life. Being replacement doesn't sound as bad anyway; especially, if his brother is so cool.

So, he makes notes on circus performances and slightly chopes his hair. They are much curlier than Dick's - he has more of a wavy ones, and the only ever look that way, when they get long; his childhood photos with short hair looks too straight - but the cut does its magic.

The next day, Bruce compliments his hair absentmindedly and is positively surprised by his new moves on the patrol, asking where he learnt it from. Jason lies about not remembering, but his cheeks are flashed, and his smile is all about teeth. He can't wait to show it to Dick once they finally get on a mission together.

Expect, when they do, Dick just nods and mutters a light-hearted "good job" before leaving to talk with his team. And Jason knows Dick doesn't want to be mean - he gets it; no one feels good about having a replacement, especially the one that seems so cheap in comparison - but he still cries that night in his pillow, feeling himself a little kid, even if he isn't one. Even if he never was.

Jason wonders if his own replacement would make him understand Dick.

But Jason never gets replaced.

No matter the taunting voice of the Lazarus Pit in the back of his head - that sometimes sounds suspiciously like Talia's; you remain unavenged and replaced - and his own intrusive thoughts that spiral in uneven lines, Jason doesn't think Tim was ever meant to be his replacement. Being replaced means to match the person that was meant to be left behind. And no one asked Tim to be like Jason.

If anything, memory of Jason was thrown under the rag, hidden and locked securely in heads of those who survived. And if they brought Jason up, then it was always an example of what Robin shouldn't do: run away, disobey, and allow emotions to consume you. So, not much of an exemplary original. More like an opposite.

Jason feels an urge to explain that to Tim once; when they sit together on the rooftop, almost like a proper family, instead of broken pieces of someone's idea of a one.

'You could never replace me,' he says, and the instant it leaves his mouth, he knows it came out wrong.

Tim rolls his eyes.

'Yeah, dude. Whatever.'

'No, I mean—' He grits his teeth, scrapping slightly the back of his hand. 'I mean... You could never replace me, because... Because you were always better.'

Tim freezes. His big blue eyes shift in something more confused, and it is almost as if he is not sure how he needs to react — to protest? To agree? To thank him?

Jason doesn't know what to do, too.

He wants to say: it is easy as that, babybird. They wanted to have someone who would have nothing in common with me — someone who could help them to forget about my existence, about the existence of the failed Robin.

But he can't make himself speak again. And he is not sure he wants to stay any longer to hear Tin manging to put his thoughts in the words; he is better than him at this, too, and he almost always sounds convincing.

So, he leaves.

In his room - in the building he owns now - he ruffles his outgrown hair, fluffs up the white streak, and passes by his only remaining photo with Bruce in the frame, on the shelf under the stolen tire.

He still does this semi-circus move in his fights - almost frozen in the air, with his back arched - but he doesn't expect anyone to compliment him anymore.

[lovelylittlegrim]

Steve Harrington who has been trying for weeks (maybe even months) to woo Eddie and keeps failing UNTIL he makes an offhand comment correctly referencing one of the groups nerd books. Weeks and weeks of using smooth lines that have never failed him until Eddie, and this is what gets him the guy? Nerd lingo he’s learned purely through osmosis.

Steve who is just standing there like “really? That’s what did it for you? Jesus Christ I can’t believe I’m going to kiss you.”

Eddie, completely shocked by this turn of events: “you want to kiss me?????”

And the whole party is in the background like: “he has for a while thank you for finally catching up before we took drastic measures”

[alleyesony0u]

literally cannot stop thinking about how intentional it is in pvp civilization that people refer to evbo as "kid" or tell him he is "just a kid". it isn't just a headcanon that he is probably a teenager he IS a teenager. he's impulsive like a teenager, he's naive like a teenager, he doesn't understand romance like a teenager, he's materialistic and looking for anything that will give him comfort or happiness like a teenager because he IS A TEENAGER. he's a kid. he's a kid cursed with immortality, and what do people do with that? abuse it. evbo is a kid in a horrible, violent society, and he knows nothing else, but he still believes, naively, like a kid, that there are people who are better than this society. he tells zam that he and the iron swords don't need to farm him, that it will do them no good. what about his life? what about tabi's? and he forgets where he is. what he is.

in this society, evbo is not a child. in this society, evbo is not the "chosen one". he is a tool. he is an object. what do you do with tools and objects? you use them.

and yet evbo still stands there, a kid. and the adults of this society exploit that. he is just a kid, he doesn't get it. he is just a kid, he doesn't realize how many lives he's saving. he is just a stupid, naive, vulnerable kid with too much love and too much hope in his heart. we can use that.

he is a calf standing on wobbly knees born knowing it is destined for the slaughterhouse.

[violent138]

HC that the batfamily, who've all taken interesting academic paths, just forget that Damian still has school. Someone will accidentally list him as available to help Signal with a crisis and Damian will eagerly ditch class (he knows most of everything and can mimic Bruce's voice for the attendance line later). Dick will randomly take him on trips to the zoo or art exhibitions, or Dami will stay up late on a case and there's no point to going once he realizes at 2 pm that he's missed the entire day.

[a-scary-lack-of-common-sense]

Personally, I think the most devastating tragedy in Gravity Falls was Stan losing his freckles and tooth gap from when he was younger

[greenglowinspooks]

The way that I’m brainrotting over a DCxDP crossover with a Danny who’s a vengeful villain rn

Like, let’s just say that the GiW finally get into contact with the JL. They need help neutralizing a threat, you see, and they’re on their last limb trying to keep civilians safe.

They have video evidence! They have studies to back their claims! The JL have to help them!

Unfortunately, the JL believe them. They join a fight against Danny, and defeat him due to being far more experienced than he is. Danny is locked away and experimented on by the GiW.

That would CHANGE a person. Your heroes turning against you and seeing you as a monster, being experimented on for who knows how long, not knowing if your friends and family are safe.

Danny gets out due to a simple mistake on the GiW’s part; having Blüdhaven as part of their transport route.

Of course the trucks were attacked, they’re government property!

So now, whoever decided to raid the government transport trucks (the Penguin or something) has a ton of experimental weapons with no idea how they work, and a heavily traumatized teenager.

Danny knows how they work. Danny can be useful! They won’t throw him out if he’s useful! And so, now Danny is working for the Penguin, altering the ectoplasm weapons to make them work on humans.

It’s a good deal for both parties. Danny gets to neurotically imprint on the Penguin like a small baby animal, and the Penguin gets a brilliant mind who will stop at nothing to achieve his goals.

But eventually, Danny finds out what happened to his family in his absence.

Jazz is in Arkham. Not as a psychologist, but as a “patient.” Apparently, she snapped and completely destroyed the house, leveled a few blocks of Amity Park, and conducted organized attacks on government bases (mostly GiW) for months.

Sam and Tucker helped her, eventually splitting once Jazz was captured. Sam travels to areas of extreme pollution, completely overgrowing them with her plant powers. Currently she’s in the Amazon rainforest, engaging in an ongoing feud with logging companies. Sam is winning.

Tucker faked his death, and Danny has no idea where he is. He only knows that the death wasn’t real because of a code that the three of them made together, just in case.

Ellie’s trapped in the Infinite Realms. Danny had a failsafe in place so that if she was ever cornered by the GiW, she would be sent to her haunt in the GZ. However, with the portal destroyed, she can’t come back. Danny just hopes she’s okay.

His parents are now top GiW scientists. They’re traveling the country giving speeches. They’re working on a battery powered by ectoplasm, but apparently started “having difficulties” around the same time that Danny escaped.

None of it is fair. None of it is right.

The Justice League destroyed his life, the lives of his friends, and they’re doing as good as ever. The GiW is respected, and his parents are happily working away for them.

Danny takes up some of his more experimental weapons and breaks Jazz out of Arkham. She’s a little different now, colder and more quiet, but she still loves him all the same. It’s an unimaginable comfort to him to see his sister again.

He can’t use his powers anymore. He’s so used to associating them with pain that even transforming into his ghost form is enough to take him down for hours.

However, he understands ectoplasm more than anyone else in the world. He knows how to use it in virtually everything; how it can become a weapon, how it can be used as a supplemental ingredient in poisons and nerve agents, how it can twist and distort the mind if applied correctly.

He doesn’t care what happens to him. He’s going to take down the GiW, and destroy the lives of the JL members who helped lock him away, just as they did to him.

No matter the cost.

[ilium-ilia]

Kate's wife wants kids.

But adoption is difficult and long, and finding a donor is expensive and soul sucking. She can see the way your eyes widen at the children at the park, at the mothers holding their infants, at the baby clothes you pass in the store. She sees the way you buzz at the mere mention of children; of starting a family.

So eventually, she confides in the man she trusts most: John Price.

Of course, he prefers to do things the old fashioned way.

It's a simple arrangement. He fucks you under her supervision. Head cradled in her lap, she strokes your cheeks as he ruts into you. She talks over his grunts, saying how well you're doing, and she can't wait to see you pregnant; to make you a mom. She's always there to clean up after him, making you come undone on her fingers and tongue until you're a right mess. Kate keeps him updated with weekly texts to see how the tests have gone and when he needs to come back.

He gets you pregnant after only two months (a feat which John prides himself on. Kate thanks him for his efficient work, as usual). Within a year, he's named the godfather of the kid, and you and Kate welcome your sweet little girl into the world.

John is not at all surprised when Kate messages him again two years later asking for that same favor.

[medusaesque]

Kim Kitsuragi, Kid Master General

[attyrocious]

[fluffylino]

a funny no nut november with hyunjin 🥟

hyunjin and you have high expectations about eachother's self control...FAILED!

-contains mature themes (hyunjin is crack)

"oh my god its november!" you exclaim, realising its november even though you're halfway through the month.

hyunjin furrows his eyebrows. clearly not understanding your point.

"its november as in, y'know..."

tilting your head to egg him on. all you are met back with is an even more confused expression.

"no nut november...?" you mumble, and begin laughing at his even more perplexed expression.

he brings his hands up in a questioning gesture.

"is it like...not eating any nuts or something? like almonds or walnuts?" and you now wonder the accuracy of him being the leader of paboracha.

"no! HYUNJ-"

"OH! is it because you don't eat any nuts in november so that in december, you can eat as many chocolates you want cause its christmas and every single person eats like a pig during holiday season! is that it?!"

"what-"

pausing to process what he just rambled on about. it actually made sense...

"NO! NO! even though you kind of made sense...no nut november has nothing to do with eating actual nuts like walnuts or whatever!"

"HUH? then what is it?" hyunjin sits straight. already perched closer to you. if his ears could grow, they would be like the baby elephant from the film 'dumbo'.

"no nut november is a whole month of no sex" you say in a straighforward manner.

"...why?" his eyes losing their spark. lips jutting out in a small pout.

"its a challenge! like to see if we can hold out . no cumming or you lose. do you want to try it out?"

"i mean, we haven't done anything since the last week of october cause i was on schedule..." hyunjin mumbles. craning his neck behind you to see the calendar.

"its the 17th of november already, that means we have about 13 days left..." he calculates, sitting silently in deep thought.

"no touching too?" he asks, blinking sweetly at you.

"touching and all is fine. just no cumming..."

"OKAY! GAME ON, BABY!"

.

.

two days pass and you start to find it harder. maybe because now that you knew it was november, it made you more anxious to stick to the rules. hyunjin seemed to be doing well. not even bringing up the topic but not doing anything.

"don't look at me like that" you shriek, dramatically running away from him.

"like what?" he chuckles.

his hands covered in paint and hair messily sitting on his head. it nearly 1 am and he's about to wash up while you wait for him to join you in bed.

"like...that. DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!" pointing a finger at him. he inches closer and smirks devilishly when you jump back further.

"are you finding me incredibly irresistable right now, my love?" hyunjin whispers breathily. your body practically begging for him on the inside.

"yes! so stay back" you exclaim, putting your palm against his face.

smushing his lips away from yours. gasping as his hands quietly sneak around your waist.

"no self control when it comes to me?" pushing himself onto you. till the both of you fall back on the sheets.

core throbbing against his bulge. and you know he feels it, his lips turning up into a cheeky smile.

"missing me that much, baby?" prying your palm away from his face. pinning your hand down beside your head.

unconciously you spread your legs wider. his mouth opening in a small 'o'.

"have you seen yourself? you're sexier than you think" you mumble, eyes widening when his hand slides down your stomach. going over your waistband and patting over your covered mound.

"you want me, baby?" he whispers, fingers tapping against your aching cunt. looking down at you with a smirk. your panties are wet. sticking uncomfortably to your wetness.

a grunt escaping his mouth when you buck your hips up. smiling triumphantly at his hardness.

"10 more days." he whispers, sighing heavily.

"thats too long, isn't it..."

"we can do it, baby" hyunjin tries to encourage. his hips mindlessly rocking into you. for some reason, you can't stop yourself from meeting his sinful movements.

"yeah, we can...do it" squeezing your eyes shut. his hands hastily pulling his pants down. he goes silent for a few seconds, snorting in annoyance.

"no nut november is useless!" he says, dick slipping between your folds. rubbing himself eagerly.

"might as well just not eat almonds, walnuts and-" he blabbers on while simultaneously pushing his length past your entrance.

"HYUNJIN-"

.

.

.

.

.

hyunjin paboooo

[koipudding]

i do think jing yuan finds love easily. not in a playboy way; in the sense that he finds something to admire and adore in all of his companions. He loves you, he loves yanqing. he loves qingzu and fu xuan. he loves the finches that perch on the birdbath. he loves the people who serve him at the dim sum place.

Jing Yuan who loves the starskiff driver for always letting him nap. Jing Yuan who feels eternally grateful to Qingzu for feeding mimi, and loves her like she’s a sister. Jing Yuan who is fiercely protective of Bailu and Yanqing. He doesn’t want them to be taken advantage of. Jing Yuan loving Fu Xuan for not prying into his love life. He loves Fu Xuan because she’s steadfast and brazen and he is reminded of himself at that age.

Jing Yuan who cant bring himself to love Blade or Dan Heng, who struggles to disconnect from Jingliu. Jing Yuan who finds himself shielding Dan Heng and parrying Blade. He finds his eyes burning when Jingliu is around. (Jing Yuan, who still loves Dan Feng and Yingxing, his teacher and baiheng. But is making room for Dan Heng and Blade. Has made room.)

Jing Yuan doesn’t have a “real” family now, but he carves one out of the people he meets, he makes a home for himself in his routine. In you.

[prlssprfctn]

I've been brewing this post for far too long in my drafts, but I need more doomed!Bruce and Jason throughout universes. And it is not even always about the same Jaybin, dying in the warehouse scenarios!

Sometimes Jason is just a kid, who died in front of Batman, who maybe jumped in between Batman and the villain recklessly, to keep him safe, and whose blood stuck under Bruce's nails. His face haunts him in nightmares, still.

In other realities, Bruce meets Jason as a teen, and they never even get to become father and son officially - but they slowly get into each other's lives, until something awful happens, leaving a ghost of a smirking kid stroll behind Bruce's hunched figure for the rest of his life.

Or maybe it is one of these realities, where Jason crawls out of the Alley Crime himself, and manages to become famous in Gotham; the one, where he opens a charity fond, dedicated to people, who fight with the drug addiction. Bruce Wayne is sympathetic of a kid he meets during some of the events, and as they slowly start contacting each other more often, getting closer, he promises himself to protect him. Expect, Batman is late to save Jason Todd from the hands of yet another villain.

It could be the priest Jason Todd that meets bleeding out Batman on the stairs of the church, and who helps him out, for what he later pays with his life. Or they are not really vigilantes in any of these universes - just father and son.

And in some of these universes, they reconcile. In one of them, some of the medics connect the dots that a catatonic boy, who is covered in dirt, calling for his dad, for Bruce is Bruce's Wayne dead son, and try calling him. In another, LoA!Jason with his memory still being in a haze, crosses his path with Batman, before getting dipped in the Lazarus Pit.

But the point stands.

In all of them, Bruce Wayne is too late. In all of them, Bruce Wayne fails to save Jason Todd.