#kids can honestly be so weirdly cruel

[ladyloveandjustice]

I watched a compilation of clips of live action Zuko scenes (mostly with Iroh) because I think the actor they chose for Zuko is great and I still think he's great, but as someone who recently binged the cartoon, it's really interesting me the way they sanded off the rough edges of Zuko's relationship with Iroh, and the way it sort of damages the characters and the plot...and it makes me think of reoccurring issues in media and how the approach characters (which is exacerbated by the fans who jump the gun and think characters doing unlikeable things or being problematic means the story endorses these thing and that it makes them bad characters)

There's an intense fear of making Zuko too "unlikeable" in the live action, and that really shows in the way they play his relationship with Iroh. In the cartoon, Zuko is honestly downright nasty to Iroh a lot of the time. He's mean! He takes out his anger on Iroh a lot! A good two thirds of their interactions in the first two seasons involve Zuko being frustrated, complaining, or even directly being aggressive towards him.

He has a lot of genuinely cruel moments. You (or maybe just I) can weirdly forgive him more for hunting Aang because he's doing it for a sympathetic, heartwrenching reason even though it is bad and he's wrong. But there's no reason or goal in him being mean to his uncle, it's simply that he's an angry, traumatized, scared teenager and his uncle is someone he can safely take that out on, because Iroh has the patience of a saint and will always forgive him.

And when Iroh tries to push him to realize that chasing after his father's love is futile, he gets downright vicious, calling him selfish, shallow, lazy, jealous of his brother, he just goes right for the jugular because he's so afraid of what Iroh's telling him, he doesn't want to hear it so much that he'll lash out at him as hard as he can to get him to stop, and also to convince himself that Iroh doesn't know what he's talking about.

Zuko is not a nice person for a good chunk of the series, and that includes his relationship with the one person who unfailingly loves and supports him, who's pretty much given up a comfortable like just to help and look after him, and I think that's important. It means he actually needs a redemption arc. It gives his guilt about how he treated Iroh later on weight. And the fact the series allows Zuko to be truly nasty but we still root for him shows how good the writing is. Because despite all that, we can still see the good inside him, we want him to be a better person.

And in the show, in the beginning, Zuko shows those sparks of good slowly. Which allows the audience to feel real tension in not knowing what he'll do. Take that episode in season 1 where Iroh is captured...the viewer genuinely does not know what Zuko will do from what we've seen so far. When he says he'll leave without Iroh, as a viewer, you wonder if he might do it because he's often so mean to Iroh. But it's clear that Iroh knows Zuko's threats are totally empty and he would never leave without him, he's not worried at all when he misses the deadline, and he also knows that Zuko will be coming to rescue him. But the audience doesn't necessarily know that at this point in the series, so when Zuko not only doesn't leave without him, but goes to rescue him and even gives up his chance to capture the Avatar to do so, it's new information for the audience. We see this kid genuinely loves his uncle, and is even willing to sacrifice a chance at the thing he wants most in the world to save him. I think it's that moment that Zuko officially becomes a sympathetic character (It was hinted at with his refusal to kill Zhao and his clear happiness when Iroh praises him, but it becomes concrete here), since we still don't know his backstory yet.

When it happens in the live action though, it's not new information though, and not just because I've watched the original . It's because they never allowed Zuko to be really unlikeable. He's not that mean to Iroh in this version, it's clear from the beginning he loves and respects him. They even have the moment where Zuko sees Appa happen AFTER he's already risked his life to save Iroh, so there's no suspense, of course he's not going to abandon his injured uncle to chase Aang, we already know he'll put himself on the line to save him. It doesn't have any impact because the audience is never allowed to question whether Zuko cares.

And this hesitation to make Zuko be mean to his uncle has ripple effects on the story the live action is unwilling to deal with- it damages Iroh as the character and makes his actions not make sense. Because if Zuko actually listens to Iroh and consistently respects him, why doesn't Iroh just work harder at trying to get him to stop trying to please his abusive father, to stop hunting the Avatar? it seems like he'd be willing to listen with enough work. Live action Aang even questions this and Iroh just. doesn't answer him. Blows it off. As Big Joel points out in his video, it becomes a baffling moment.

But it's clear to me why he doesn't push Zuko harder in the cartoon. The idea that his father's love is attainable and he just needs to get it back, that he can capture the Avatar and regain the family he lost, that this is the right thing to do...it's pretty much what's keeping Zuko going. If Zuko doesn't have that, he might give up on life entirely. Iroh directly says this. 'the important thing is hunting the Avatar gives Zuko hope'. And Iroh knows if he pushes Zuko too much about this, Zuko won't hear it, he will lash out at him and probably leave him, just as he does in season 2, and then how can he help his nephew heal, give him support, and gently guide Zuko to do better?

This is especially demonstrated in the beginning of season 2 when Azula says Ozai wants him back and Zuko, so desperate to be loved, falls for her trap. Iroh tries to gently tell him that his father is not that kind of person, gently tiptoes towards "your father's love is not attainable" and Zuko immediately lashes out viciously, shuts down the conversation, and is willing to leave without him (though he's clearly ecstatic when Iroh does choose to come with him. ecstatic for him, anyway). So Iroh has to pretend to agree with him. to go along with it, all so he can protect Zuko when it does turn out to be a trap.

It's pretty easy to see the turning points in the show that cause Iroh he steps up and finally really try to push Zuko to stop hunting Aang, be a better person and find his own happiness. There's the end of season one when Zuko would have died trying to capture Aang if Aang hadn't chosen to save him. This is a wake up call for Iroh. It's definitely when Iroh realizes the fact it gives Zuko hope doesn't matter, because Zuko's fixation on hunting the Avatar is very likely going to end with Zuko dead. Zuko is so fixated on this he won't prioritize his own survival. This is directly confirmed by the show because Iroh brings it up later when he finally snaps and yells at Zuko to stop this. And there's also the aforementioned moment, where Zuko's desperation for his father's love leads him into a trap and they both have to become fugitives. I think this is when it sinks in for Iroh there's no happy ending for Zuko where he's welcomed back home, and this hope could lead him straight into danger.

(I don't know if this idea Iroh doesn't truly think hunting Aang is a good thing but won't push Zuko too hard about it because that would only shatter their relationship in the first season was actually what they had in mind while writing season 1, but I do think they made it track pretty well when they decided to make his character shift in season 2. )

So yes, Zuko being more amiable and respectful makes Iroh's dynamic with him not make as much sense, and makes Iroh seem much more baffling and callous, especially since the live action makes it very clear that Iroh believes capturing the Avatar is the wrong thing to do from the beginning.

But they don't care about story consistency, or building believable conflict, or writing coherent character dynamics, or allowing Zuko growth. No, the writers like Zuko, they don't want to risk the audience not liking Zuko, so lets remove a lot of his flaws, make his feelings toward Iroh warmer and more respectful because that's easier to watch and everyone liked how warm and loving he was toward Iroh at the end of season 3, so lets just skip to that. The cartoon trusted us to see the good in Zuko and root for him on his journey even if it was messy and sometimes painful to watch, but the live action doesn't, so it won't put in the work. And so his story becomes less meaningful and satisfying, and so Iroh's behavior stops making as much sense. I could easily believe the Zuko in the cartoon would betray Iroh out of sheer desperation to be accepted by Ozai, even as it wracks him with regret, but I wouldn't be able to believe live action Zuko would make such a decision. He's too nice! He never disdains his uncle!

Characters being allowed to do nasty, mean things even to people who love them and then grow to be better is important for writing believable stories and believable growth, especially when it comes to redemption arcs. But I've seen a reluctance to accept that in some writers and a lot of fans. Katara's moments of cruelty are removed (which fans were always less forgiving of than Zuko's hmmm i wonder why), Zuko's moments of being cruel to someone who loves him are removed, we have make it clear Iroh is good from the beginning and directly excuse Iroh's hypocrisy in sometimes prioritizing Zuko's happiness over like, the safety of the world and ending the war sometimes, rather than simply see him quietly develop to be better on that front. It sucks.

We have to be willing to be uncomfortable with characters actions and words sometimes without dismissing them as bad characters, and I....just want fans to consider that, and writers to consider that.

[giotanner]

Soo, I read your previous posts about Tim and I want to hear your opinion on the matter regarding his morality. What I've seen so far in the fandom are two (stereotypical honestly)versions of Tim:

The Batman's-moral code-is-the-one-I-follow because-he's-my-boss-so gotta-respect company-policy thing and the Robin-doesn't-kill because-he's-the-light-of-Gotham-just-like Batman thing.

And weirdly enough both of them fit his character but I'm not sure if they can coexist somehow.

As a Tim Drake fan what do you think?

Even in the comics it is inconsistent as far as I know.

Hi, thank you for the opportunity to share my thoughts on Tim (mainly the comics version) because there's so much about his morality and ideals that has been "erased/misunderstood."

For example, let's start with the fact that among all the Robins, Tim is the least likely to become a villain. However, there's this fanon idea that he could make a great criminal, the first to become a skilled manipulator who screws over the system, because there are stereotypes about him that have erased Tim's moral code.

This thought is completely wrong in the canon. Even when Captain Boomerang kills his father, Tim has every reason to kill him, to hurt him—he's trained and knows how to inflict pain—but Tim STOPS himself. During that period in the comics, Dick was Batman and had many responsibilities, and he feared for Tim's mental and moral breakdown, but that doesn't mean it was real, that Tim was ready to cross the line.

Tim stands firm in his convictions. He's a kid who obviously has feelings and is obviously angry at the enemy, but he doesn't become a criminal and leaves the cruel murderer of his parent in the hands of Dick and the police.

There are many instances where Tim questions himself, his limits, or his role as a sidekick, making him very similar to Batman in this regard.

He could take the step that leads him to become a villain, but he doesn't. He knows his worth as Robin and doesn't feel inferior or lacking.

This is because he's the only Robin who CHOSE to be Robin.

He chose that life, decided he would sacrifice himself for the cause, for the mission, because he believes in Batman. And he believes in what Batman believes in. Therefore, it would be out of character (OOC) for his moral code to be different.

He can be stubborn and obstinate towards Bruce, but he's truly Batman's partner (as fortunately seen in the recent Batman (2016) issues). And this bothers some readers who haven't read and appreciated Tim from the '90s and 2000s. The Tim who, although having his own team, is still the Robin who chose that life.

His mindset is not "Batman is my boss, so I follow his rules," but rather "I admire Batman and followed his footsteps, and that's how I discovered his identity; I'll do anything for the mission."

In many comics, you see Tim's spirit of sacrifice because he is the "peacemaker/the one who fixes the family," but also a daring and eager kid.

Sure, he's a computer whiz, a tactical genius, and a great detective

(Ra's calls him detective, but in the comics, Ra's also calls Dick detective, just to specify), but his greatest trait is that he was a kid with a great sense of justice and a big dose of recklessness to believe and succeed in being Robin

[noperopesaredope]

I am a hardcore Collector apologist, and I will stand by them forever. I do believe that they aren’t truly malicious, they just don’t realize that what they’re doing is wrong. 

But I also kinda like it when fanfics portray them as both blissfully naive and straight up sadistic at the same time. It’s honestly one of the things that draws me to his character. Sure, I adore it when the Collector is just an easily manipulated little kid, but I also like seeing portrayals of them in which they describe how he will violently maim someone. I actually like seeing both portrayals at the exact same time.

One of the things that I like about the Collector is what I call “Terrifying Innocence.” The Collector is definitely a naive little kid and mentally quite innocent and impressionable, but here’s the thing about little kids: they can be really fucked up. Even the sweetest and most kindhearted children can be scary af.

Cognitive empathy is mostly a learned trait rather than an inherent one. Children do not come out of the womb with the knowledge that other beings have feelings and that their actions affect others, and this is clearly the case with the Collector. So they can commit different types of violence with no reaction, as they might not be aware that it is wrong. 

It’s like children who torture ants during recess. They are more fascinated by it than anything, and they don’t fully process how cruel they are actually being. When you don’t understand that other people experience pain, can’t properly empathize with it, or generally feel extremely removed from it, you become fascinated by it. It’s the same reason people like true crime or even slasher horror.

Honestly, as I said, I kinda like it when the Collector is shown to be weirdly playful upon seeing horrific things. It’s because he feels less like a sadistic ass like Belos, and more like someone who is really into slasher movies. Little kids are into violence a surprising amount. 

I have been told that I’m a very compassionate person (I don’t completely believe that I am, but a bizarre amount of people have told me this, so I guess it’s true), but as a kid, around the Collector’s age, I had multiple “disaster” phases

I had an obsession with the Titanic for a while, particularly the part where hundreds of people died. I had an even bigger obsession with Pompeii, and upon seeing a museum exhibit with some of the preserved bodies, I actually took a good few minutes imagining how each individual person died and what their last moments were like. Fucked up, I know, but it happened.

Children don’t typically go out of their way to hurt others once they realize that their actions can hurt others, but they will occasionally watch (from a distance). I imagine that the Collector is like this as well. Maybe they did watch Belos hurt the Grimwalkers and were still playful about it. 

I even brought up a small potential headcanon that they (slightly unintentionally) gave Belos ideas. Kinda like “what if you EXPLODED one of them? Ooh- ooh- or...you could THROW THEM IN LAVA!” Not an evil whisper-in-your-ear kinda way, more like asking a preschooler to describe what they think demons would do to people in hell or something. Kids get creative with it.

It wouldn’t be that he truly meant harm the way Belos did, they would do it because they found it interesting. They don’t understand other people’s pain, and therefore just experiment without realizing how bad their actions are. It’s interesting to me to read portrayals of the Collector where they are still show in a sympathetic light and he’s clearly just a little kid, but he also doesn’t really seem to care about others that much.

It’s realistic in a way that I like and captures the spirit of the messiness that is a child’s morality. They aren’t evil or completely sadistic, they just don’t see the severity of their actions and are mostly self-centered in terms of worldview.

So, in conclusion, we need more fics where the Collector is a blissfully innocent kid with a love for slasher films.

[twentytwentywhore]

JJK Miscellaneous Headcanons: Satoru Gojo

Miscellaneous headcanons about Satoru Gojo. Single character for this post because I have so many thoughts.

For more characters please see my tag 'JJK Miscellaneous HC'

Tags:

Warnings: Casual interspersing of angst and humor.

Satoru Gojo

Bisexual. Very aware of how attractive he is to some people. Particularly heterosexual women. He is annoying about it.

Has so much rizz up until the point he opens his mouth. If he were mute he could sweep any person off their feet.

The man is a massive softie somewhere in that ego of his. It's just hard for him to slow down and actually appreciate things from time to time.

He is not resistant to vulnerability. The problem is he won't engage it himself. Particularly because of how he was raised. Because he presents himself as a shithead 90% of the time, most people don't care to prod and ask how he is doing proper. If ever given the chance he would spill his guts though.

He would never acknowledge the fact that maybe he is very severely traumatized.

Tsumiki and Megumi became weird little sibling figures to him. This helped a ton because the bar was already on the floor with how they were raised. Gojo however, grabbed a shovel and started digging. He left them primarily on their own and just paid for utilities and visited them on weekends.

Up until Tsumiki went into her coma and he felt responsible for her state because he didn't keep an eye on her close enough. That's when he started bonding with Megumi outside his training as a sorcerer.

He was not disallowed from competing in the exchange event during his second and third years at Jujutsu High. The Kyoto students who competed against him never forgave him.

He is good at everything he has ever tried, sure. But he will never try anything he is confident he wouldn't be good at. The biggest example of this is cooking. As a rich kid he has never had to cook he never will have to learn to cook and he will lie about buying food and presenting it as his own.

Massive massive bully mentality. In that his favorite people are the ones he can get a rise out of. It's why he picks on Utahime so much. She's never learned that if you don't respond they'll give up eventually.

It is almost a talent how bad this man is at timekeeping. He is regularly late to everything no matter how important it is. While mostly honestly accidental, it plays into that bully mentality of getting a rise out of people.

He is a little fruity with his gender but is still definitely a cis man.

Would have killed it on vine.

Bleeding heart for his students. Past or present. He has to make it hard to get a hold of him when he is on missions because he will get distracted. Especially if his students ask for help.

Has a big family but no siblings. When he was still en utero he was not even close to being the next head of the clan. Up until he was born and it was revealed he had the six eyes and limitless.

Blue eyes are a staple in the family. Just usually not that blue.

He would lose his mind if he ever met someone like him. Very much a dish it out but can't take it kind of guy. Unfortunately no one has ever really been able to dish it back.

So adamant about pushing his limits in terms of what he can get away with because he knows at some point there has to be a 'too far'.

He hopes there's a 'too far' at least.

For the love of god they can't just let him do whatever the hell he wants.

But every single time, they do.

Can't go to the aquarium anymore.

Maintains his undercut himself. Shaves it once a week in a bathroom mirror. It's a weirdly cathartic experience for him.

As a child he was really dismissive about learning combat because of limitless. Thought he was too good and untouchable. That changed quickly in his mid teens though.

Was actually much worse as a child than he was as a teen and even an adult. Entitled, bratty and unnecessarily cruel. The complex was developed incredibly young.

Awful cute aggression. Paired with low impulse control and insane strength, Satoru is very careful to not hold small animals.

Thought about a family for a long time. Especially because it was something expected of him as the next head of the clan. While he likes the idea of settling down, he doesn't want biological kids. Partially to spite everyone around him. Mostly because even as the strongest, he always had that voice in the back of his head that constantly asked 'what if something happened'.

It is not impossible that he has managed to learn to sleep like a dolphin with only half his brain at a time.

Indifferent towards cats or dogs. Simply not a pet person.

Used to hold very traditional ideas about the role of women in his clan. Incredibly misogynistic until his early teens. It was one of the first things that signaled to him that there was something wrong.

When it comes to Yaga specifically, he would never deny a request. He will groan and complain about it if he doesn't want to do it. But he will get it done.

His near death experience, between Heaven and Earth, was the last time he felt honestly happy. Not that he hasn't been happy since, of course. It was just a euphoria and clarity that could never happen again.

He and Suguru cremated Kuroi and Riko together. The only people that would mourn them.

More than willing to lie to people's faces about how much or little they mean to him. He doesn't keep everyone at arms reach as much as he likes to pretend he does.

Went out of his way to protect Suguru's family after he died. No matter what roles they played in his cult.

Answer to the trolley problem: do not pull the lever

Because of how light his eyes are, Satoru's only real weakness is a sensitivity to light and quickly adjusting between light and dark spaces.

Was particularly hard on Maki when she was in his class. He wished he could have helped her more in realizing who she could be. A part of him was terrified to.

Despite everything. If he couldn't ensure the safety of his students, Gojo wouldn't change a single thing about his life. Even if he desperately wanted to.

[hexedrosel-arts]

Too many thoughts head full, time to ramble and say things

- Hall monitor being older brother to the kindergarten kids(Thought about him getting second job to save for college; and also to get the kids ice-cream if they behave; he mostly saves it though)

- Carla and Buggs friendship

- Ozzy and Buggs friendship

- Buggs dynamics with other ppl in general

- Penny X Carla X Monty (wanna write but have more important stuff than this rn :,])

- Kidd, just a lot of ideas about Kidd

- Ozzy, he plagues me daily

- Ozzy and Felix, but what if enemies to friends to lovers mutual pining and angst

- My OCs; specially the one who has her arms replaces with ribbons and she has a tank of poison inserted into her spine, she also now has a gun that shoots said poison and she refuses to die.(Also the angry spirit that follows her around and has knives in that surround him in the form of angel wings and halo)

- Kidd with ram horns(Kidd w/ sacrificial lamb imagery is something weirdly on my mind)

And surprising the one time my English teacher saw an image of Buggs I drew and called him a she(now thinking of butch fem Buggs)

Big thought below where I can't explain it in bullet point form

Honestly, I can't really bring myself to hate any of the Kg and Kg2 characters that aren't the adults. It sounds stupid but I just can't.

The reason is rather simple, they're five year olds. They don’t truly understand what they're doing, like at all. They may be the smartest 5 year olds ever, but they're still 5.

They can kill, harm, and just be the worst ppl ever. But they're glorified toddlers who barely understand that they're hurting each other. A sibling of mine visited our grandfather when he was dying and that stuff slipped over their head, and they were 4. Heck the stuff didn't make sense to myself and I was 7ish.

Felix may want his brother dead, but he might not understand that when his brother dies, he's not coming back. His father knows why he wants this to happen, but Felix may not know in the slightest, or at least not to the extent of that his father does. It's not an exact excuse for Felix’s actions, but I can understand why he has no empathy or care about what he is doing.

I'm using Felix as an example because I did hate Felix before. I hated that he wanted to kill his brother, that he was cruel, he was well Felix. I talked with my sibling about the game(it's been an obsession for a while), when my mom overheard me talking about Felix. She pointed out the exact reason why Felix is innocent in his crime to a degree, he's 5. He doesn't grasp murder or death or what an assassin is. He's smart for a 5 year old, but he still understands the world in the way a child does.

This doesn't just apply to Felix. But to all the kids and all of their little crimes. They don’t understand what they're doing, at least not on the level we do. Cindy and Buggs might understand that bullying is bad, but they don't know how badly they're affecting Lily and Nugget. Jerome doesn't understand that Lily didn't kill his father, he's only correlating that Lily hated his father, Billy went missing, and Billy was found when his father died.

More about Jerome. He's a smart kid yes, but I can't blame him for acting the way he does in Kg2, he's emotional because he found his father's body parts, and Lily found her brother around the same time. He wants revenge because he didn't know what we do. He just wants closure for what he believes was the death of a good man, his father even. Kg2 also takes place the day *after* his father's death, so we take an a child who is still *grieving*, who found his dad's dead body, and has moved to a different school, that's too much for a child to handle. Of course the child is emotional.

Jerome understands death more than the other kids because he experienced in the games first hand. We see the result, he knows his dad isn't coming back, he's upset, and he's not thinking straight. He's in smart class for a reason, but clearly he should have time to process his father's passing. In things that go boom(? Carla's misson), he acts irrationally upon seeing Lily because that's how a 5 year old would react, he found his father's supposed murderer and wants revenge.

When he finds the truth you know what happens? He cries harder, he apologizes to Lily and Kidd in that misson as well. He accepts that father was bad, which is a lot more than mature than he should be at that age, and moves on. He perfectly shows how these kids, while much smarter than regular 5 year olds, they still act like kids and behave.

(Note: I found it weird that a lot of the older wattpad fics charactized Jerome as always hating Lily even when they got older. But I can't blame them, we see Jerome as clearly being in the wrong, but we don't think to look at this in Jerome's perceptive)

In the end they're kids, glorified toddlers even. Death doesn't phase them because they don't understand it. They know things at a basic level, yes they are uber smart for 5 year olds, but they are still 5 year olds. I can't be mad at these kids for being- well kids. Yes they're mean and cruel to each other, but they're still kids. They don't understand that killing each other means they won't come back, to them maybe death means they won't see that person for a while.

[pontevoix]

SEND ME A SHIP AND I’LL TELL YOU: holiday edition; family style ! mitsuki & katsuki  @bakgos

who wears the ugly holiday sweaters

katsuki wears the ugly holiday sweaters . . . but not intentionally. mostly, he wore the ugly holiday sweaters when he was too young to dress himself or choose his clothing beyond throwing periodic tantrums. honestly, as a first time & ( relatively new ) mother, mitsuki got far too much enjoyment finding her son clothes. it’s true that she would a portion of his closet consisted of things like skull tshirts & faux leather jackets. the common misconception was that mitsuki wanted her small son to look cool. the truth is . . . a little less dignified. she mostly just thinks it’s . . . really funny when toddlers or babies are dressed too cool for school when they’re really just drooly/squirmy creatures.

in other words, she thought it was adorable & hilarious to dress katsuki like he was cool.

she also thinks it’s adorable & hilarious to put him in the ugliest sweater she can find. it makes masaru cringe, but to be honest? when katsuki is that young, they’re also grappling to dress katsuki in whatever clothing they have that is clean.

beyond that, mitsuki feels a bit obligated to look a little trendy or professional or humble most of the time. if you think about her purple cardigan, that woman is not dressing for high fashion in the home. it’s a weird mix of modest & … semi-modest comfort. that said, the only time she’ll wear something purposely ugly is if it’s to embarrass her son.

like a really bizarrely designed fan sweatshirt.

who picks out the holiday movies and who makes the hot cocoa

bold of you to assume that that they watch holiday movies 👀👀👀👀 that said, they do watch things together. both mitsuki & masaru try to make holiday vibes less about the content & more about the family. new year’s is a little bit of a different story though because they visit masaru’s parents & they like to take katsuki to visit the shrine when he’s a kid & talk about content but that aside —

when katsuki was a kid, they’d let him pick the movie. all might things or other animated things with a fight sequence. masaru & mitsuki would take turns making hot chocolate on different nights because honestly ? it’s a coveted position to skip out on bits & pieces of the movie that they’ve seen a million times because of their son.

when katsuki gets a bit older, the new policy is that that they start choosing movies that they haven’t seen before. when this is the case, masaru gets landed with hot chocolate duty. mitsuki says it’s because masaru makes it better than she can. katsuki says it’s because she’s being lazy. mitsuki says that she cooked dinner so katsuki better be polite before she & masaru have hot chocolate while katsuki gets none.

. . . that said, even when the movie is done & masaru goes to bed ? mitsuki will let katsuki stay up & they’ll watch some stupid television show together.

who starts the snowball fight

katsuki does not like the cold, & she’s not quite cruel enough when he’s an adolescent or a teenager to torment with teenagers. sometimes he’s not so kind though. if katsuki can tell his mother is getting a bit brooding or stressed on something, then he chooses asshole moves in an act of consideration. he throws a snowball at her with his gloves &

honestly? mitsuki doesn’t like the cold much either. it makes her skin dry, which is a little frustrating — she only likes the cold if she chooses to be in it & sets aside time to go take a walk or a hike. if she’s out/about in the midst of chores or a work day? it’s not as nice.

still, weirdly enough . . . she doesn’t get annoyed when she gets surprised with a snowball. it usually just surprises her into laughter.

well played, katsuki

who drags the other under the mistletoe

not applicable. however, katsuki is disappointed to report that mitsuki put up mistletoe for her & masaru. mostly because she thought it kind of hilarious & likes opportunities for affection with her husband. but most of the time, she & masaru are honestly too preoccupied to register it’s there. katsuki has expressed his repulsion that she set it up. mitsuki just ruffled his hair.

who decorates the house

mitsuki is chronically restless when it comes to her home. it was a big decision to buy that house, to make that house the bakugo family home. you are going to have to pry that house out of her cold fingers. holidays aside, she repaints frequently & rearranges furniture frequently. although the house is littered with traces of mitsuki when she comes home (katsuki & masaru are tasked with putting these residuals of mitsuki away), the house is uncluttered. she deepcleans (rather than cleans) ritualistically &

holiday decoration is a matter of winter decoration. she changes the color palette in their home decoration, she changes out paintings/pictures on the wall. decorations are a rotation of dishware & linens. mitsuki argues that this rotation preserves the life of the linens all around which is . . .

probably true, but at the same time ? exhausts katsuki & masaru just a little.

home is central to mitsuki. in the winter, she puts warmth as a central focus because grey winters can make her a little more prone to cold & sadness.

she loves looking out the window in the winter.

who hangs up the ornaments on the tree

honestly, no tree. when katsuki was young, mitsuku & masaru did take katsuki to look at winter lights around town, but they never had a christmas tree itself. they decorate for the new year ( with a few wreaths & things ). & they also may get small christmas tree plants that they put some decorations on, but the celebration is not a tree. the celebration is the community.

besides, trees are better seen growing than within the home.

who cooks christmas dinner

this is a point of contention. you better believe that mitsuki did the cooking for most of katsuki’s childhood; then, he started figuring that cooking for the family was a pretty good gift or sign of respect so they sorta . . . battle out who’s going to cook & what. either way, they both refuse to order take out or anything for any kind of celebration day. they are going to fry chicken at home & it’s going to be delicious. masaru gets a day off & entertains himself reading news articles on his phone but -

the older katsuki gets ( when he’s at home ), he & his mother take turns cooking the chicken & the sides.

it’s really noticeable to mitsuki & masaru the first few times their son isn’t home for holidays. mitsuki still cooks then & mails katuski some food.

who sings holiday music

neither. katsuki hasn’t heard mitsuki sing since he was six. mitsuki has never particularly enjoyed holiday music, so of course !! when katsuki is playing drums !! or practicing drums !! he’ll bang out some holiday momentos even though he too !! does not enjoy holiday music !!

either way, they both can sing fine. it is just !! a matter of principle!! wdyd !!!

meanwhile . . .

off camera, masaru sings along to holiday music without realizing & under his breath.

if they have any holiday traditions they have traditions more than they have decorations. granted, mitsuki’s cleaning process is a part of the tradition. their movies nights & their cooking processes are a part of tradition —

as a child, part of the tradition was for katsuki to get . . . spoiled with gifts on christmas eve. later in his life, he gets a fair amount of clothes from them. for them, it’s not so much a matter of trying to surprise one another as it is just . . . thoughtfulness.

they visit masaru’s parent’s routinely for new year’s, as mentioned.

masaru & katsuki decide on a climbing location together for the spring over the holidays. the beginning of the new year & the holidays tends to be a big planning period for the family. goal setting is an over arching tradition for the holidays & besides that?

mitsuk firmly believes in doing a face mask for holidays. does her family buy into this? with feigned reluctance, maybe, mitsuki says they’re just being spoil sports.

who would start a food fight during baking

the kitchen is a sacred space. there will be no food fights during baking or cooking. also? there will be no food fights while sitting on the couch or anywhere else. in general ? there will be no food fights. unless you count bickering while they cook or while they bake. both mitsuki & katsuki will maintain the tidiest kitchen station while simultaneously insulting one another’s workstation. there’s no rest for the wicked!!

that aside, their version of a food fight is a dirty laundry fight. just in terms of hey did you hear what i was saying?

throw an old tshirt? get a pillow to the stomach in return.

who would get drunk off of eggnog

ma you’re embarrassing me

ma you’re embarrassing me

she’s fine. katsuki tried plain eggnog as a kid & was not there for it. mitsuki thinks it’s a blast & loves it as a celebratory drink. she doesn’t get noticeably drunk in front of her son, but she laughs a lil easier when she’s having a nice eggnog night to herself. katsuki doesn’t mind eggnog when he gets older or anything, but he’s has it more rarely than mitsuki does.

when katsuki isn’t home, she likes to do a shared blanket with masaru whose drink of choice is a little less sweet. it’s cozy.

when katsuki is home, they can watch trash television together. she’ll enjoy her cocktail & they’ll catch up & pretend its not serious because they’re watching television. right ?

​

[pollywiltse]

You know, I was very careful to say "any prior version" when talking about Ann Rinaldi's creepy, over-sexed version of André because The Traitor's Wife by Alison Pataki is basically an R-rated, worse-written version of Finishing Becca where the heroine is named after a cow, but either one part of this interview is weirdly phrased or Donna Thorland went even harder in Turncoat with André the sexual predator and has him molesting John Cope, who she inexplicably keeps referring to as Caleb. (Caleb was the father. John was the kid. Also André was trying to get Caleb Cope to send John to him in Carlisle, not New York. As soon as André got exchanged, he seems to have completely lost interest in cultivating John Cope's artistic genius. There's no reason to think he ever asked them send him to New York. I think she's either using Thomas Cope's diary or someone who cites Thomas Cope's diary, because Thomas Cope makes it sound like André was in Lancaster until he was exchanged. Note that Thomas Cope was like seven or eight when this was going on and he was writing I think twenty-seven years later after John Cope had just died of something that was probably alcohol-related, so there's stuff he's clearly not remembering correctly.)

Under the cut, I hope, because some people think that humans are way more sex-obsessed than they actually are, and some of those people have somehow managed to get book deals.

I couldn't find "Caleb" or "Cope" (which I had to put in quotes because Google was showing me snippets with the word "deal" in them thanks Google) when I tried searching inside the book, but he has to be in there, otherwise why would she talk about it? I may have to see if the library has a copy because I'm not giving this woman money, but it might piss me off so much that it would be excessively cruel to my mother to read it because then she'll have to listen to me complain for days.

What's particularly unpleasant is that even if he isn't a child-molester, it looks like she went hard on the whole Evil Gay (Depraved Bisexual?) trope, and several reviewers are claiming this is a more realistic portrayal than the older romanticized versions/"how I think of him has completely changed". Um, based on excerpts and reviews, he's seems to be an over-the-top evil secretly gay spymaster in Philadelphia who tries to murder the heroine by drugging her and leaving her in an ice house. Honestly the gay bit is the least unrealistic part here because that's something normal humans do, and it's still wrong.

A lot of the negative reviews are complaining about how rapey this book is, and it's making me think of the terrible Israel Potter novel I did read, which was basically "if James Bond lived during the American Revolution and was written by misogynist porn-addicted incels". (Gone Over? Or maybe that was the first book? Unfortunately there were two of them.) And if you're going "isn't that just James Bond during the American Revolution?", I have read James Bond, and I can tell you, it's not. I actually kind of enjoyed James Bond. These books were awful. By the time André showed up, I was trying to guess whether he would be a depraved pervert like every other male in the book, or gay. I forgot "both" was an option. Fortunately the authors didn't spend unnecessary amounts of time following him to increasingly recherché brothels, like they did with another character who was actually only separated from his wife and kids for like three months before they followed him to Paris in real life, but in this stupid book he's away from them for years because he's too busy watching fake nuns having sex with donkeys.

I don't even remember most of the characters' names. There was Gary Stu; King George III; John André; Depraved Perverts 1-270; Gary Stu's Depraved Pervert Mentor Who Secretly Slept With Gary Stu's Future Faithful Wife; Gary Stu's Convenient Casual Sex Girlfriends Who Get Conveniently Married Off So They Stop Being His Problem; Gary Stu's Lobotomized Faithful Wife Who Forgives Him For Being A Massive Hypocrite About The Fact That She Wasn't A Virgin; Two Million Assorted Whores, Some In Nuns' Costumes; and Squirting Peggy Shippen.

We do get a moment where Gary Stu shows up at Joshua Hett Smith's house and, when André points out the window, there's a bit of narration about how Clinton loves that hand because that's the hand André gives him handjobs with, because this is a completely normal thing to think when you're trying to figure out how to get the plans Benedict Arnold gave André back to New York so the British can capture West Point and win the war. Also, when I say Gary Stu shows up at Joshua Hett Smith's house, I mean he shows up at his house with a boat that he then uses to row himself back to the Vulture, and for some inexplicable reason André still goes back by land with the incriminating papers and gets caught and hanged. I say "some inexplicable reason", but actually I assume it's because André was trying to get himself executed because it was the most effective way of escaping from that horrible book. Sometimes your characters get away from you like that.

Anyway I'm wondering if there's a correlation between authors who think historical realism means straight men were having not-that-consensual sex with women constantly and authors who look at André and think, "Manipulative Bisexual". (Or "Manipulative Homosexual"; six-of-one, half a dozen of the other.) This is partly because I know there was a thing in the mid-20th century about "haha dumb bitch, you think the reason that guy doesn't sexually harass you is because he's gentlemanly and chivalrous, but actually it's because he's gay" and we are really not as far from skeevy early-mid 20th century beliefs about human sexuality as we think we are, and I mean you too, intersectional queer representation tumblr people.

[tartrazeen]

My thoughts have started up again 👏🏽

I had that post the other day about a concept I'd been toying with: Rohan potentially being autistic. I'm still a little nervous to commit to that, because I'd want to do it justice, but the one thing I can commit to is that he grew up on the outside of all the other children.

That's really stuck in my head. I'm honestly not sure if he's ever had an interaction with someone on the show - other than Angus - where it actually started as something positive. Think about it:

Deirdre starts off yelling at Rohan to remember his place, you lowly apprentice

Ivar starts off stringing Rohan up by his foot, you lowly thief

Garrett starts off by immediately offering to kick his ass, you lowly braggart

Lugad comes out IMMEDIATELY swinging, you lowly weakling

Even Conchobar yells at him a little. Fin Varra tries to crush him between some rocks. Cathbad technically starts off defending him, but also summons a skeleton - which Rohan thinks is cool, so I guess we'll still count that as positive.

... I am just noticing now that every time Rohan met another one of the Mystic Knights, Angus was there too.

Interesting 👀

I digress uwu

Rohan's grown up - and still lives a life - with people coming at him with hostility for this reason or that one. And he takes it in stride. It's really like he's used to it, along with disappointing everyone. That's where the people pleasing side shines. He's so weirdly accepting of everyone thinking he's weird or unworthy or someone to put back in his place, and it's truly only Angus who's been at his side. That's why he emphasizes it when Angus is enchanted into fighting Rohan: he needs his best friend beside him. Not Cathbad, not his team, but Angus specifically. Angus is Rohan's rock.

(tee-hee pun)

👀

r u thinkin wut im thinkin

👀

What if Angus was just as bad?

We know how Rohan and Angus met Cathbad. By then, they were already friends. But as I was writing that post about Rohan coming across as autistic-coded, and Cathbad thinking Angus was another village kid taking advantage of Rohan's kind nature...

And then there was some other random post about character dynamics, where two people were each other's guard dog and actually enjoyed it or didn't care. Angus is so loyal. Rohan's loyal right back, but Angus is SO LOYAL.

That mashed together into me remembering that much older idea (was it this post? 🤔) of Rohan getting knocked out in a forest after a storm, then waking up to see Angus peering down at him, the first thing Rohan sees when his vision comes back. And from there, they're friends.

So I'm picturing Rohan being in a village. Not one near Kells yet (I still adore the idea of Angus moving them from place to place to stay ahead of the Temran army), but one where Angus and some other kids live.

And they bully him.

He's weird. He's strange. Maybe he's new to the village. He's too trusting and sincere. He's the easiest target to be picked on, even with a stupid sword, because what's he gonna do? Fight them? They're innocent villagers, and 'knights' don't hurt those. Except he's not a knight and never will be.

I'm imagining a time where Deirdre actually asks Rohan how he and Angus became such good friends, while she's watching him grind herbs for Cathbad at the druid's How're. Maybe she's realizing how hard true friendship is to find, and muses that it must be because she's a girl. Surprisingly, Rohan says it can be just as difficult for boys. That catches Deirdre off-guard; he and Angus are practically inseparable. But Rohan shrugs and says it's different now from how it was back then. Now, yes, they are inseparable. Growing up...

She pries into it until he admits none of the other kids liked being around someone who never stopped talking about being a knight. Some kids would even be cruel. Dangerous. Deirdre thinks that surely he can't mean Angus, but Rohan says Angus used to be the worst one. Everybody liked him, and he had so much influence over the others that Rohan couldn't escape it. Angus would get the others to come up with 'warrior training' for him, trapping him in caves or throwing dirt or whatever little mean thing they thought might be fun.

This is beyond shocking for Deirdre to hear. I doubt she'd even believe it. But Rohan might mention that it's part of the reason Cathbad's been so reluctant to fully accept Angus. Rohan's moved on from those scars, and Angus has made up for everything that happened when they were kids a hundred times over, but memories take longer to fade for druids, and Rohan had eventually told Cathbad everything.

Deirdre asks what changed for them. Rohan says he 'won' Angus' friendship. There was a witch, apparently, that lived in a particular forest. Angus had dared Rohan to prove himself to the kids by going to that witch's house. The trouble was, the witch's house didn't exist. The forest where it was supposed to be was known for being almost endless - so many had been lost before, and Rohan might've been the next one. But he was prepared to brave it if it meant he'd win something.

Angus had laughed and asked what Rohan wanted for this.

Rohan said he wanted a friend.

Angus and everyone else absolutely howled. But sure enough, he agreed, saying that if Rohan went to the witch's house and brought back proof, Angus would be his best friend.

Rohan had said it had to be forever.

Angus promised they'd be best friends 'til the day they died.

So they agreed.

The day Rohan went in, he left a trail for himself, carving into the trees to find his way back. But he wouldn't be returning until he found this witch's house. The day faded, night set in, and still nothing. Another day passed, and that one brought a storm.

Rohan was blinded by the rain, none of the trees offering any shelter from it. The pain of its cold sting kept him awake at least, enough to keep searching. On and on he looked until finally, the worst happened: a tree shattered from lightning and landed on Rohan, pinning him under it.

Another day passed as Rohan passed out.

He wakes up to someone gently slapping him. With the sun overhead and his vision blurry, it's like some otherworldly, glowing shape of light. A few more smacks, and Rohan's eyes adjust to see Angus, standing over him and asking if he's dead. Rohan's woozy, not dead, but definitely trapped.

Angus says he followed Rohan's trail after there was no sign of the boy returning. There wasn't really a witch's house, but there was a storm, and Angus wasn't so cruel as to let Rohan die out here just because he wanted a friend. (He would wait two days before going in after Rohan, though.) It kind of stopped being funny when it turned out Rohan was that desperate.

He says all this while digging Rohan out from under the tree. When Rohan's loose, Angus shrugs and says they should head back, but Rohan says he isn't leaving until he finds the witch's house.

Angus is annoyed. He'd just said there was no witch's house. That was a joke. No sense dragging it out anymore, so time to go back.

Rohan asks if Angus will be friends with him. When Angus laughs, Rohan says he's staying until he finds the witch's house. And then he starts walking (limping) deeper into the forest.

Angus, genuinely confused, starts running after Rohan, saying there's no witch. After Rohan ignores him, Angus just... trails along, eventually asking why Rohan has to be so weird all the time. Maybe he'd have some friends if he knocked it off with all the big talk about being a knight. Kids like them didn't become knights. All Rohan ever seemed to do was rub that in their faces.

It'd be a slow, careful conversation. The two would talk for the first time ever, and Rohan - still weird - might say a few odd things that actually get Angus to laugh. A nice laugh. Not the cruel one he'd only ever had before. But no matter how many times Angus brings it up, Rohan refuses to go back until he's found the witch.

They stay another night in the forest. Angus doesn't hate it. Rohan notices how different Angus is when he's not surrounded by the other kids, and Angus shrugs, not getting into it.

When Angus wakes up the next morning, he's alone. And he instantly panics, thinking he's been abandoned in the forest. It'd be the perfect revenge, actually. And in the minutes of terror flooding his head, he thinks he's a fool to let his guard down like that. This was a stupid idea, and he's doomed himself with it.

Then Rohan appears. He's brought breakfast. He was foraging while Angus was asleep.

All is instantly forgiven once Angus is fed - and Rohan's very proud of himself for finding something Angus likes.

But he still isn't going back. Not until he finds the witch.

Angus sighs and says fine, they can be friends if they just go back. Rohan asks if they're going to be best friends - for life, like the deal said. Angus is very, very hesitant to openly yell 'no,' but that hesitation is all Rohan needs to pack up and keep searching the forest.

Angus comes along, because at this point, he may as well. But Rohan has to stop for him a lot. He doesn't ever do this much walking.

There's no witch's house. But there were people who went missing in this forest forever. Rohan's not afraid - not as much as going back to that village - but Angus is starting to get creeped out. Just before he can ask Rohan to leave for the hundredth time, they suddenly hear it.

The witch.

Except it's not a house. It's a cave.

And that witch is a very, very big wolf.

(👀 loving that Angus has to fight the Rock Wolf when he's older to get his armour)

Angus freaks out and goes up the first tree he can. Rohan tries to climb up a different tree, but he's still hurt from when he got pinned. He has to duck under a different log, just barely getting away from the wolf's teeth, but it's started digging its way towards him.

There's not much time. Rohan's trying to slash at the wolf with his sword, but he can't seem to hit it hard enough from the angle he's at. But Angus, in the trees, some having been freshly struck and still smoldering from the storm's lightning, sees a massive tree limb that could fall if he could just get to it.

He's climbing over, moving as fast as he can, only to see a glimmer of metal in the leaves below him. That's Rohan's sword. What Rohan's fighting the wolf with is just a stick; he must've dropped it as he tried and failed to get up the tree. But that's almost lucky, because Angus can jump down now to get that sword. He snatches it up, getting back to the tree he needs to hack at to get the limb to fall.

As soon as the limb plummets to the ground, Angus drops the sword for Rohan to get. It's the perfect combination - the tree limb was a direct hit, and in the yelp of pain and confusion from the wolf, Rohan grabs his sword and finally scares the thing off.

They're breathless. They're tired. They're scared. But Rohan asks if that means he's won the bet.

Angus - out of instinct - says that wasn't a witch. But at the look of despair in Rohan's eyes, Angus finds himself saying, "... Well, I know knights can't lie. But I can. So... let's just say it was a hairy witch."

The walk back is just as weird as Angus expected, but there's an infectious joy and energy in how weird Rohan is. It's nice. Angus almost feels like he has someone keeping up with him for once, who doesn't mind how much Angus likes to talk, too.

Getting back to the village is a different story. The kids are cruel. Angus tries to awkwardly get them to ease off, but the moment they start to turn on him, Angus puts that down fast. Before morning, he's already decided he doesn't need to be here anymore. And him and Rohan are best friends now, right? So if Angus wants to go to another village, Rohan would come too, right?

I'm a little sleepy now (it's almost 2 am 😭) but the idea of this being a flashback episode to fully emphasize how close they are now absolutely delights me. I'd love to have some little callback after this, where Angus walks in to hear a short bit of Rohan's tale, right as Rohan's saying how loyal and caring and important Angus is to him. It's flattering, right up until Angus understands what they've been talking about.

Deirdre says at least they've outgrown all of that. It gives her hope for finding another princess to be best friends with. Maybe someday. But she leaves, happy to know friendship can blossom even under the worst environment.

In the quiet moment that follows, Angus shyly apologizes for everything that happened when they were kids. Rohan tries to brush it off, saying he's forgotten, but Angus tells him knights aren't supposed to lie. The small smile that earns gets Rohan to admit that it hurt to grow up with everyone thinking he was weird. He's glad to have Angus in his life, but he wishes it hadn't taken so much to earn it.

Angus says Rohan's always been gentle that way. He takes too much from people that shouldn't ever dare to give him that grief. But as Rohan agrees, he says it doesn't happen anymore. That's because of Angus.

There's a moment where Rohan stumbles to talk, but finally asks if Angus really is only friends with him because of a bet.

Angus thinks. The bet is what gave him the chance to get to know Rohan, of course. But no. He loves Rohan, and that's because of who Rohan is as a person. He's Angus' favourite, weird ball of fire who actually became the knight he said he'd be.

Rohan asks if Angus is telling the truth.

Angus says of course he is. He's a knight now, too.

Rohan, on a lighter note, says that as long as Angus is sticking with that, what happened to the snack he'd left on the table for later?

Angus says he cannot lie.

And then he leaves.

Rohan has a good laugh at that. It's one of the many ways - big and small - that Angus has done so much to bring him joy. Maybe there's a pang of anxiousness as the feeling of "It was only a bet" comes back to him, but in the next moment, he hears Angus calling to him to stop doing chores and come home fun. Possibly as Angus finds a brand-new power on Cathbad's shelf to play with. 🥲

What I especially love about this is how it still ties into my 'Rohan Villain Arc' idea. It's further fuel for the fire: the specter of Angus' childhood bullying can so easily rear its head in that fight, slamming a wedge between them with it alone.

ok i am actually very tired i need to sleep now

[halcyon-reverie3]

OBCD Chapter 10 - New! Message

“It’s not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place, because it frees you.”

— Tyler Perry

Cruel years, cruel months, cruel days.

Harsh words, harsh actions.

Spite, hatred, revenge.

And guilt. So much guilt. 

“No way I’m gonna talk to someone like her. Can I even call you a her!”

Forgiveness? He wasn’t deserving of her forgiveness. He had been so cruel when she had only been ashamed. He had been horrible when she had only wanted friendship. He wasn’t deserving of her forgiveness. He was despicable. He doubts his friends even remember. He doubts they recall what happened seven years ago. No, he thought, 7 years, 8 months, 2 weeks and 3 days. He remembered. He remembered very well. Earle remembered very well.

Diya. Oh, poor Diya. Earle knew that his behaviour was inexcusable, regardless of how she acted towards him. He should have been the bigger person. He should have been better. He should have been-

“Yo Earlie boy. Where ya mind at?” Earle’s eyes snapped towards his friend, then towards the floor. An enormous stack of books lay at his feet. His head swivelled around. Everyone was gawking at him weirdly. “Dude,” his friend interrupted, “you really had to drop the fat medical books in a library? Bro, they gon’ be gossiping ‘bout this for the next two weeks. Ain’t got nothing to talk ‘bout ‘cept this!” So many books. So much to learn. Sometimes he regretted his decision of wanting to become a doctor. Sometimes he felt he had to do this for the people suffering the same way he suffered. For people with eating disorders.

His people.

He’s an adult now. Old, yes. Guilty, definitely. Mature, absolutely not. Tall, blond, muscular. Doctor? Maybe a doctor… He doesn’t really know. He just… exists. Studying, going to the gym, making friends. Just existing. He’s honestly exhausted. Very exhausted.

An aspiring student by day, a famous influencer by night. Not just any influencer — a body-positive influencer. His message aimed to fight eating disorders and unrealistic body standards. He’d share his knowledge for the world to learn. He’d help anyone. They’d just have to admit that it isn’t a weakness, but a show of great strength. Everyone should always be themselves. Earle loved himself. He wished more people did so too.

Boring. Class was boring. He was tired and all his mind could register was hunger. Boring. Yawning, he sneaked his phone underneath his desk, opening social media. Also boring. What, he thought, gloomily. I should post something new. I’m hungry. What’s tomorrow? I’m bored. I’mboredI’mboredI’mboredI’mbored.

“-example is Miss Diya Elostra.” W h a t. Earle’s head shot up. I’m not bored, I guess. Displayed on the colossal whiteboard was Diya’s Instagram account. When did this become Influencer 101? Despite his silly jokes and ‘don’t care’ attitude, a part of him panged with guilt. She looks happier, healthier, he thought. No thanks to you, a tiny voice said, ashamed, sorry, disheartened. Guiltyguiltyguiltyguiltyguiltyguilty.

“This body-positive influencer here has jump-started one of the most popular hashtags in your generation. It’s a trend that not only focuses on eating disorders, which is your current chapter, but everything in life that’s wrong. #BeTheChange. Quite subjective, if you ask me. But I believe that was her very intention. One hashtag, one million targets.” The lesson continued as always. Earle’s mind wandered. It always did. He could never focus. “#BeTheChange, huh,” he murmured. You should do it, that tiny voice squeaked. You will never be able to meet Diya, never be able to ask for forgiveness. But maybe you can try. Maybe you can apologise, one message at a time. One saved life at a time…”

“Hello, guys! What’s up, it’s Earle right here. Today, I’ll be talking about eating disorders and other related stuff. Firstly, I’d like to dedicate this video to the #BeTheChange influencer, Diya Elostra. You see, back when I was a kid, I wasn’t always this handsome. I used to be round and pudgy and, well… I used to get bullied. A lot. Sometimes, people used to…”

He spent day and night, perfecting his video. Sharing his message. He might never be able to meet Diya. But he can apologise. And he can save others. He can do this, and he will do this.

One message at a time.

[nothorses]

I don't know that I'd say I've been bullied for it so much as just, like, objectified, but I have grown up with

feeling my hair move around weirdly and turning around to find some stranger behind me touching and feeling it (usually cis girls my age) and then laughing at my reaction and asking invasive questions/making comments about the way it feels etc.

people asking me constantly if they can touch/feel it and often just not waiting for an answer

people randomly commenting on my hair color- usually older women who talk about exactly how envious they are of it, how much they'd pay for it, etc.

as common, if not constant occurrences.

I broke up with a guy I didn't feel much of a connection with, only to learn later that he was probably only dating me in the first place because he only dated blonde women. (we were both middle schoolers)

I grew up with "dumb blonde" jokes, because those were A Thing when I was a kid in the 2000's, and grappling with what that meant and why people thought it was funny and how I felt about it personally.

Step siblings called me "towhead", which I don't think either of us even really understood, but I knew they were trying to be a little mean about it.

my dad used to say, when I expressed confusion, or just about me generally, that he thought I was "playing into the dumb blonde stereotype". not at a cruel thing, but it felt weird to be told that he thought the source of my not understanding something or struggling in school was this unconscious adoption of a stereotype I honestly never really understood in the first place.

I cut and dyed my hair for a while; the cut was for gender and sensory reasons, but the dye was because it gave me a sense of ownership over my own body. Every adult in my life coveted my hair, in ways that made me feel like they thought they owned me. People were upset that I dyed it- almost personally offended- and they felt no shame in telling me that.

Nowadays, I still have a lot of complicated feelings about it, mostly because it's a kind of super-light blonde that isn't just uncommon, but doesn't seem to be commonly represented in men especially. People automatically assume it's dyed, and it's not really viewed as a masculine thing to dye your hair blonde (especially this blonde). The body hair on my arms especially is still so light it's basically invisible, and my legs only appear hairier now that there's so much it's impossible to miss the texture.

And now people are starting to make jokes about being "blonde? as a man?" like it's absurd and goofy and fucking, idk. I definitely resonate with feeling like gender is inherently tied up in how people talk about it, and like my masculinity is being undermined and taken away (yet again!) which, of course, is more complicated given I'm a trans man. Dynamics are at play, etc.

I take a lot of it in stride because like, yeah, boohoo, I have special pretty hair and everyone is jealous of it and my life is sooo fucking hard. I don't begrudge folks for having some feelings about that, and I certainly have plenty of my own. But it'd be cool if we could at least reckon with some of the complexity here, too.

Think to me it’s likeeee i feel the need to hate on it to balance out the cultural idea of blond as an inherently more attractive type of hair. Like I need to see hate about it to balance out all the blue eyed blond haired models & protagonists in media that get flaunted as peak attractiveness. It’s entirely petty tho and id never really apply it to blond ppl irl (sorry if you were joking or something I don’t always understand the vibe through text)

Idk I got bullied a lot as a kid for being blonde so when I see people do it online I guess it just bugs me pretty bad. As a trans man I also get infuriated by the phrase “blonde as a woman” because I’m not a woman and that’s just my natural hair color so it’s probably not meant that way but it sometimes feels like people trying to attack my masculinity. I’m aware it’s probably not meant that way but that’s what it feels like anyways. And people often make fun of my appearance anyways so seeing the thing I have learned to like about myself despite how much people have bullied me for it being painted as like gross or pathetic or something really just doesn’t sit right with me. Like even if to you it’s not that deep it really bugs me because that’s my natural hair color and something I’ve learned to like about myself.

[stirringwinds]

This is making me think back to that Ken doll my sister and I stripped naked and ‘tattooed’ with red permanent markers. We hog-tied him with twine and hung him up next to his companion, an unfortunate Stacey who was also similarly starkers. I can’t remember what sacrilege they committed or if we were just being edgy children seized with momentary sadism. I do remember that we threw numerous pairs of Barbie shoes at them, in a good re-enactment of medieval punishment and turned it to some sort of game. 

We had a lot of Barbies and she escaped this fate, but my sister did turn one into a Lady Phantom of the Opera by using alcohol to scrub off the factory paint and reinventing her with liquid paper. 

[theriverdalereviewer]

cruel summer the handmaid’s tale and class of lies today EVERYONE UP! UP! UP!

[redrobin-detective]

Like You

Trequel to Half Of and The only ghost in Amity Park

“We need to talk, Fenton,” Valerie hissed, slamming Danny’s locker shut in his face. He pursed his lips and lowered his gaze but said nothing. Manson scoffed and stepped right up, putting her finger in Valerie’s face.

“He doesn’t owe you anything, Val so lay off. If he wants to talk to you, he will, not because you demanded it.” Val grabbed Sam’s wrist, strong but still such delicate bones. The goth flinched a bit as Valerie applied pressure.

“Only my friends,” Valerie hissed with a hard look over at Danny, “get to call me Val. But I guess we’re not friends if you kept something like this from me.”

“Val...erie, let her go,” Danny mumbled quietly. “We’ll talk after school, meet me by the equipment shed behind the football field.”

“Alone,” Val said, flicking away Sam’s wrist. “None of your adoring, enabling entourage, new or old.” 

“No way in hell,” Sam said, clearly resisting the urge to hold onto her injured wrist. “Like we’d trust Danny with someone like you.”

“What? Human?” Valerie asked back. Danny stuck his hands between them and forced them apart. Now that Val was looking, the entire hall was watching them. Whatever, they didn’t matter. 

“Cut it out,” Danny frowned, looking over both of them. “Sam, I’ll be fine talking to her alone.” He turned back to her with his blue eyes. As long as she’d known him, Danny’s had a presence about him. She took it as growing up in such a strange house and later her growing crush. But there was no way to explain away the icy, electric feel of his gaze holding her own. “3:30, equipment shed, just talking. Okay?”

“Fine,” Valerie said, turning and stomping down the hall so she had the last word. The rest of the day passed slowly as she gripped the sides of her desk and bounced her leg, thinking about Danny Fenton. How long had Danny been a ghost or half of one, how was that even possible? Had he always been that way and she simply hadn’t noticed? Her? The best ghost hunter in Amity? How much of Danny was real and what was just a cruel ghostly joke? That’s the question that burned the most. Danny seemed to be the only one who liked this new, more grounded Valerie. What would she do if her closest friend was just messing with her?

Finally, school ended and she stalked purposefully towards the equipment shed. Interesting choice of location, it was almost never used since most every day sports gear was stored in the locker rooms. Did he chose it because it was isolated? Danny didn’t seemed worried about confronting her alone, what abilities could he have that he wasn’t scared of her? That made her pause once the shed came into sight. She’d only heard about Danny’s powers, never having ever seen them firsthand. Valerie took an ectogun from her bag and slipped it in back waistband of her skirt. Just in case.

Danny was sitting on the roof of the shed, weirdly enough. It would be next to impossible to climb so he had to have flown. She’d already heard of him floating but the idea of Danny Fenton and superpowers still didn’t add up in her head. He was rubbing at a tear in his jeans when she approached. Danny gave a little awkward half smile that, a few days ago, would have sent her stomach into somersaults. Now seeing it just made her sick.

“Are you gonna hide up there all day?” She asked curtly, hands on her hips. 

“You could always join me up here,” Danny shrugged, getting more comfortable on the roof. Val raised a disbelieving eyebrow, eyeing the lack of handles and the broken splinters on the old shed. “We’re far enough away, no one will see you use your hoverboard.” Just when Valerie thought he was done being surprised. She gaped open mouthed at Danny who got nervous and rubbed his hands anxiously. “You uh you wanted to talk so I thought we ought to lay all our cards on the table.” He took a deep breath, “I know you’re the Red Huntress Val...erie.” 

“How!” She demanded, activating her board without thought to get to the roof. She grabbed Danny by the shirt and hauled him forward until their faces were inches apart. His body radiated a soft chill that brushed against her skin. He held up his hands in surrender.

“Since the start, Sam and I, we saw you in the park, remember? You caught us uhhhh,” Danny trailed off, looking away with a blush. It took Val a minute but she remembered one of her first outings with the suit, she was chasing Phantom and his stupid dog only to find Danny and Sam kissing in the bushes. She hadn’t cared about the love lives of losers at the time. It had only become relevant when she started catching feeling for Danny but he’d assured her multiple times that he and Manson weren’t a couple. “It wasn’t real, the kiss I mean. It was Sam’s idea, you surprised us and we didn’t have time to hide so you didn’t...” he trailed off.

"Didn’t, what?” She demanded. Valerie gasped when Danny simply phased out of her grip and assuming his previous position on the roof. She stared for a moment at her hands before looking up again at Danny who was back to fiddling with his clothes. There it was, irrefutable proof that Danny wasn’t human. It felt like her heart was being chipped away with a hammer. 

“Look, this has been kind of a hard week for me,” Danny groaned, raking his hands forcefully through his hair. “I get my powers outed, I need to convince my parents not to kill me the rest of the way, keep the ghosts off my back for a period, get the government to acknowledge my existence all the while dealing with everyone’s stares and questions at school.” He tucked his knees closer and flopped his face into them. “I said I would be honest with you and I’m trying but I’ve already had to give so much of myself this week and... I don’t know, what do you even want from me?”

“I want answers!” Valerie tried to demand but it came across as more whiney. She pushed back any tears that were threatening to come. “I want to know what was real! Was our friendship real? Our feelings? Are you even real? And if you knew I Huntress all this time then why... why would you even talk to me? Were you just playing with me? Spying on me? What did you want with me?”

“I’m real, Val, I promise,” He held out his hand and she reluctantly took it. His hand was chilly but there always where, it was also solid with knobbing bones and ropy muscles. Beneath it all, there was a sluggish but persistent pulse. She squeezed his hand, it was a human hand and yet it had also passed right through her. How could he be real and not real at once?

“As for what I wanted, just a friend really,” Danny said, keeping his head on his folded knees but turning towards her. She read nothing but sincerity in his eerily blue eyes. “Sam, Tuck and I, we have serious history. We know each other inside and out. But you, you were someone new. I loved hearing about your interests, your dreams, finding out who you were as a person beyond that jerk who made fun of me the second week of Freshman year for wearing my dad’s jumpsuit to school. I liked being able to be a normal person with you, I think I had started to forget with the whole ghost thing going on.”

“What happened?” Valerie couldn’t help but ask.

“Lab accident,” Danny said quietly, “Sam and Tuck were there, wasn’t pretty. Thought I was goner for sure. I survived somehow but I got some freaky powers out of the deal. There’s downsides but some sweet benefits,” he tilted his head back and looked longingly up at the sky. “Flying is the best.”

“Yeah,” Val couldn’t help but sigh in agreement. She could almost the feel the sensation of the wind whipping against her suit. Hear the roar as she soared through the clouds. It was hard to imagine Danny flying but his eyes shined with understanding she usually only saw in the mirror. “So why did you hang out with me knowing I hunted ghosts?”

“It just sorta happened, You obviously sensed that Sam and Tucker weren’t too happy about the risk.” No kidding, Val had gotten warmer welcomes from freezers. “But you were cool, Val. Plus you,” he paused and seemed to consider his words. “I felt like once we got over the hump you would get it in a way the other don’t. You know what it like to balance two lives, to have insane power at your fingertips, to feel like if you take even a second break that the ghosts will overwhelm the town. It’s just... a lot to deal with alone, Sam, Tucker and Jazz, they try to understand but they just don’t.”

He looked over at her, “I guess it was nice to know that there was someone like me out there,” he blushed, “and that someone uh liked me. For being me, y’know?”

“Clearly I didn’t know everything,” she grumbled watching as Danny winced. Val frowned, she probably wasn’t being entirely fair, she hadn’t exactly been honest with Danny either. 

“So you fight ghosts, huh?” Valerie couldn’t help was ask with a little smile. Trying to picture it. The Danny she thought she knew wouldn’t but this Danny... “Is that why you’re always running out of class?”

“Isn’t that why you leave?” He teased back hesitantly. “I’m honestly a little surprised no one figured me out before. I was really bad at hiding at first. Of course it’s only when I get the whole ‘secret identity’ thing down that I get exposed.” He huffed, the ends of his hair lifting out of his eyes. 

“Secret identity, so you can turn into a ghost?” Danny was silent. “Have I seen you out there?” More silence. “Have I... have I shot at you?” Everything seemed quiet save for their asynchronous breathing. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“It stung but not enough to keep me down for long,” Danny said, flexing his arms but his smile was strained. There was something about it that was haunting, familiar. She turned to look at the woods because if she stared any longer she’d realize which ghost Danny turned into and neither of them was ready for that right now. 

“So now what?” She asked.

“I don’t know,” Danny sighed. “I’m kind of taking it one day at a time. Mom and Dad are nervous, jumpy, I’m not sure if they’re more scared of me or of themselves and what they did. My sister and friends are being annoyingly overprotective. People who hated me last week are suddenly in my face asking questions and demanding demonstrations. The government wants to kill me but,” he snorted a little, and tilted his head towards her floppily. “I'm also talking to you about this part of my life for the first time. Lying was a necessity I never grew comfortable with, I think I could do with a bit of honesty.”

“Yeah me too,” Valerie said, straightening up and looking Danny in the eye. “I’m still not sure how I feel about this. I don’t like ghosts and I likely never will. I’m going to continuing being Huntress and keeping the town safe. But I’m willing to give you chance, give you time to open up completely. It’ll give us both times to come to terms with everything, and maybe then we can figure out where we stand.”

“I’ll take it!” Danny beamed, “I was worried you were coming here to off me with that ectogun you have stashed in your skirt so this is much better!”

“How did you-” She gasped.

He winked and tapped his forehead, “I’m pretty sensitive to ectoplasm, especially out here in the real world. Gotta admit sometimes when my energy was low, I sought you out. Did you know your suit radiates a low level ectoplasmic field, even when you’re not wearing it?” He twisted his face in thought. “Now that we’re talking-talking, I should warn you what side effects excess exposure to ectoenergy can cause.” He twisted his hand and a small green ectoblast formed in his palm briefly before dissipating. “If that worries you, my parents can hook you up with some sweet ghost hunting equipment that won’t contaminate you.”

“So I could have powers like you one day?” She asked carefully, looking over her hands thoughtfully.

“Maybe, I don’t know. Mine was a kind of one in a million accident, well, two,” he made a face. “That’s whole other story, don’t ask. But we could maybe find out together, Val,” he winced. “Valerie.”

“Val is fine,” she said quietly, still thinking too many things. “We have a lot of things to figure out but in the meantime, you can keep calling me Val.” 

“I’d like that,” he smiled. “So uh, do you want to come to movie night tomorrow? It’s at my house this week. I uh always wanted to invite you before but Sam, Tuck and I usually end up talking ghost stuff during the movie so we couldn’t before but if you’re interested... could be fun to have you there. We’re watching The Shining.”

“That movie is like a billion years old,” Val laughed with an eyeroll.

“It’s a classic, I was named after the kid in that movie!” Danny defended. “I’ll text you the details but its up to you. Either way, we’ll uh, we’ll keep talking. See you around, Val.” And just like that, he vanished. She swiveled her head around but Danny Fenton was truly gone.

“Jerk,” she grumbled but there was no heat to it. She heard a giggle above her and knew Danny, in his secret ghost form, was probably flying. And it was too nice a day to walk home. She activated her suit and took to the skies herself. Valerie didn’t know if Danny was with her or not, she just turned off her brain and fell into the motion of aggressive loops and high speed dives around her town.

 Everything had turned upside down with the knowledge that Danny wasn’t who she thought he was. But again, things had been crazy since the ghosts first came to town. So she and Danny were at a stand still, not friends and not enemies, not open but not secretive either. It was a weird state to be in but Danny was probably used to being in a state of half life himself. But she’d worry about all that later, for now it just her and sky. 

[papers4me]

Fruits Basket Manga Review , ch 112 & 113 (part 2)

I hate that this chapter is cut... mainly cuz it deals with the most “ horribly presented” theme in furuba anime.... grief.

-The shame of grieving: “ Rarely discussed theme in Literature”:

When a love one dies... ppl differ in how they deal with it. Some cry their hearts out, some become depressed & painfully lonely, others get angry or cynical, some might deny it, some move on quickly, others move on but years after the realization crushes them, others stay still... Above all, you feel ashamed of yourself if you didn’t move on or if you DID move on.. “ Sometimes ppl around you judge you for it... for your grief”

The later is the theme of these two chapters. Rarely discussed themes & it saddens me that it is cut. You see, Furuba anime doesn’t get grief  at all. To them, it’s a small part of the generic protagonist after she finishes her job of nurturing the real main protagonist. Mothers are strong, they help us cross the bridge between childhood & adulthood. Tohru, the show’s mom, did it so thoroughly & in slow visual & narrative details for yuki. Afterwards, the anime brushed whatever is left of her character, which the anime viewed as sheer suspenseful drama, & collected it thro 3rd person story-telling techniques in one ep “ se3, ep6″ & excessive monologue for 10 minutes in se3, ep9.

In this chapter, Kakeru, a side character, sheds light into this theme. Kakeru didn’t lose a parent by death, didn’t grieve, has no dependent familial bonds with either dead parents “ kyoko & komaki’s dad”. Yet, kakeru stood & judged tohru on how she “ should” grieve. Harshly tearing her down while she’s standing there lonely, trying to hide her shock at the loss of her only pillar in life, broken & traumatized, dealing with the pushed down traumatic feelings from her past where her mom abandoned her as a child..now her mom did it again, this time thro death.. & kakeru, rightfully not knowing all that, but wrongfully lecturing her on how to behave... kakeru isn’t a monster, but he only saw what he wanted: komaki & how the world should grieve with his lover, how he should be the hero protecting her. So self-centered, insensitive, horribly cruel & unbelievably conceited, but above all... what he did is so sadly common... it hurts.

-Judging Grieving People:

As I said many times.. grief is so personal, so unique to the person & as common as it is, so misunderstood. According to kakeru & many ppl I’ve sopken to lately, tohru should have acknowledged komaki. Komaki, the not-traumatized version of tohru, did the right “ tohru-like” thing. Not only felt sadness at the loss of her own dad, but found it in her heart to visit the other orphan, tohru, & give condolences & respect to the dead mother. Such kindness & purity. Very deserving of applaud: To not only see your pain but others’ as well. Tohru has always done the “ right, kind” thing to other ppl. When she can’t now, the author brought another “ tohru” to do the “ right, kind” thing.

Kakeru is so many ppl. During my brother’s funeral. I’ve heard so many gossip on how my mom should’ve stood tall & greeted the visitors.” Being silent , emotionless & non-responsive is not how you show visitors you value their kind words”, they said. How his widow should’ve collected herself & acted properly, respected his memory by taking proper care of herself & her kids. “Being a broken mess is not how you “ honor” loved one”, they said. Kakeru is indeed many ppl & that’s how you discuss a theme by creating characters who sin, screw up & be cruel, even if momentarily.

Kakeru is wrong. There is no “ you should have” in grief. There is no ounce of truth in his demeaning lecture to tohru & I respect komaki for her reaction to him so much. Kakeru did learn & grew from it, apologized to tohru even if he didn’t actually sought her to do so & even if she herself started the apology. But you see, these two chapters are 90% focused on kakeru as a character, his growth, thoughts, the mini focus on his relationship with komaki as an example of healthy relationship & all that is another lesson for yuki to observe & learn. He learned abt tohru’s past, kakeru’s personality & growth & got to observe another example of romantic relationship so yuki can grow as a man & approach machi healthily. But then again... nothing at all stops yuki/machi from being healthy, no past issues, no contradicting personalities “ they’re quite similar” & yuki is the only furuba character that doesn’t screw up big. He learns & teaches. He’s the personification of the author.

-Tohru.. stays a “ tohru”:

Tohru’s part is 10% of the this chapter which is fine as I think/hope it will lead into more tohru depth in the following chapters. But It is for this reason I’m glad this chapter was cut in the 13 eps season of furuba anime, cuz tohru doesnt have much depth in the anime due to the quick wrap up & the la~~~~st  thing I want is another 3rd person story-telling flashback abt tohru in the anime. Honestly, one of the most frustrating aspect to me of the anime & I’ll hold judgement abt manga- tohru till I reach its end. So far~~~ Tohru’s depth & character exploration gets better one chapter, then regress the next one, then moves on, the... it’s a fluctuating process. It has nothing to do with tohtu’s feelings.

you’ see ... kyo himself as a character with issues fluctuates a lot, he does sth good, then does sth bad, chooses right words, then makes a horrible mistake & chooses wrong! which is one of the most well-done aspects of character exploration that is rarely attempted by authors! I highly respect Takaya-san for what she’s doing with kyo in the manga so far. Other authors show us a character doing one big mistake & then he/she learns from it in a dramatic way. But Takaya-san, nope! she decided to approach it in a very human way, making us be frustrated with kyo’s repeated mistakes yet understands where he’s coming from! kudos to her!!

But I’m not yet satisfied with how tohru is portrayed in the manga & this has nothing to do with tohru’s character. Takaya-san is discussing rare themes thro tohru’s character. But what I mean is how tohru is approached thro the viewers/readers eyes. I wont judge until the last chapter. but this is the part that is frustrating to me.

Side Notes:

The flow of the 2 chapters is little off. We go back & forth between the past & the present, between yuki-machi & komaki-kakeru. Again, I’m so glad the anime cut it cuz, nope! they can’t handle such narrative. they’ll reorder it in a such heavily monologing way & insert the comedy abruptly to lighten the mood. Just look at how the comedy is inserted in momiji’s se03 ep!

Komaki is such a tohru with a sprinkle of kagura’s very softened outbursts. lol. she’s fun!

I’m liking yuki-machi interactions a lot. no drama, which is why the anime cut it -_-’, but it progresses healthily. Machi is yuki’s third-stage growth after (1) leaving tohru’s nest (baby yuki), (b) making friends with kakeru/someone who gets him (young boy yuki), (3) finding romantic love (being a man). The anime was so interested in the 2 stages above cuz that’s where the drama is & cut the third. Honestly, the anime didn’t have to include everything as there is never a space in 13 eps, but they certainly could’ve squeezed few panels or even made brand new very short yuki-machi scenes. but the anime weirdly decided after yuki “ saved” machi from her trauma by talking with her in her apartment, he should just marry her.... lol.. that’s why next scene is ep 5 momiji’s ep intro montage where yuki was abt to confess!!! making yuki-machi the least developed couple in the anime!

I love all furuba’s characters, but yuki, tohru, kyo & akito carry the big themes, therefore, I not only analyze their characters, but how the themes are presented thro them & how their presentation affects such themes. This might make it sound as I hate them or am harsh on them. not at all. It is the anime director/ manga author that I’m positively or negatively criticizing most times. Most importantly, my criticism is not the law. It’s just my perspective & my consumption of the material. Feel free to differ with me. I dont mind it. It brings interesting discussions!

When it comes to tohru’s issues... his chapter introduced nothing new. We have seen/read in canon repeatedly that tohru hides her pain behind a smile (heck! even kisa knows that & told us), that she cant stand up for herself much, that she smiles for other ppl not for herself. All this was presented thro so many characters already, which is why I understand the anime’s decision to cut it. What’s new? that yuki didn know tohru’s smile is mostly a mask & that kakleru has depth.

I love this chapter for the grieving themes it discussed that are rarely touched upon in literature, but since such themes are rarely presented, the anime’s decision to cut it, ironically proves my point! lol . They don’t get grief & so, they reduced it to se03 content & two eps worth. sad.. but expected. The anime is indeed another form of “past” kakeru: seeing one side of grieving person. The happy side.

[leam1983]

On Yuletide Gags

I don't know how I feel about the trend of sourcing the box of some expensive piece of tech from somewhere and stuffing it with purely didactic stuff for the kids...

I get it, some of us aren't really able to afford even those more accessible of consumer electronics, the chip shortage being what it is, but when my parents felt like pulling an Xmas fakeout, they at least had the decency to do it the other way around...

What's better, to spend weeks getting unreasonably hyped about something your relatives never had any intention to buy you, or to stew in apprehension for just as long in the expectation of something that's been sold to you as unbearably shitty, only to open that box and actually find something neat inside?

As that's what my parents did to me, as a kid. I forget in which year of the nineties it happened - likely around 1992, seeing as I was still fairly young - but Mom and Dad spent weeks giving me straight-faced guff about having bought a rock-counting game for me, and I essentially lived in mortal fear of what waited for me under the Christmas tree.

Come the big morning, I woke up at the ass-crack of dawn and politely followed the family policy of each of us opening a gift at a time in a clockwise order, all the while stewing in anticipation of that one circular, weirdly heavy box under the tree. When it came up, I realized my parents had cut up store catalog images and background pieces to put the cover of a fictitious game together, titled Count the Rocks.

I was fuming. I'd never made any concrete demands, but I expected there'd be at least one major gift along with a few utilitarian ones, like basic clothing items or packaged appointment cards announcing I'd get a new pair of prostheses in X months. I would've even taken erasers and pencils, honestly.

My parents are split in two and are trying to get me to open the modded cookie tin. I shake it instead, feeling a few small pebbles jostle around in there, with something bigger blocking their travel. I give in with a grunt, open the tin, and find what was likely the Tengen release of the NES' version of Gauntlet - I don't remember exactly and I'll definitely have to fact-check with the folks. In any case, it was a lot better than rocks.

Compare and contrast with today's pranks that keep flooding my socials. "Ooooh, psyche! You thought you were getting a PS5 or a Switch, huh? Well, howsabout the rest of winter's school supplies stuffed in a PS5 box borrowed from someone else?! Gotcha, son! Bwahahahahahahahaha!"

That's just cruel, as far as I'm concerned. I'm not in favor of setting unrealistic expectations, obviously, but if I had serious doubts as to my ability to source a hot commodity for Crimbo, I'd tell my hypothetical kid and I'd strongly urge them to review their gift list. I'd want them to be happy and if that means getting something that's within my ability to get as earnestly as I can, then that's what I'd do.

It also goes hand-in-hand with a weird trend I'm seeing, where parents act like they're absolutely desperate for their kids to start acting like adults. I'm not referring to late teens or even twentysomethings in need of a bit of a reality check - as those do exist - but children. Kids. What's an eight year-old going to do with school supplies; he doesn't have the emotional maturity needed to process how that's probably the callous, pragmatic and honestly heartless thing to do!

Christmas isn't about fucking pragmaticism, it's about telling your kids you love them to bits - within your budget's constraints. If you can't afford toys, tech or clothes, give them experiences. I'm a grown-ass adult and my parents got me a dog-sledding course scheduled for this February. I am fucking stoked. In return, I bought them a four-day stay at a local Scandinavia-themed hotel, spa and resort, without knowing what they had planned. They've had to scrap two consecutive reservations in Mexico thanks to COVID, so I figured I'd bite the bullet and get them something local that can actually be carried out in accordance with the local sanitary restrictions.

School supplies for Christmas... I mean, come on!

[angst-art-writing]

Ah, Shit- Here we go Again- Sinners and Saints(2)

TW: death, kidnapping, blood.

Six months later.

Artemis wiped her blade clean with a cloth before she placed it back into its sheath. She looked back at the bodies. Two men, late twenties with throats sliced clean. Silenced. With a sigh she pushed back her bangs, crossing the room to the window she had entered from and slipped out, balancing on the edge as she took out her grappling hook. She shot it and it attached to another building and Artemis dropped down, swinging back up onto another rooftop and rolling as she landed. Back on her feet, she straightened up and twisted the watch on her wrist. ”Who’s next..” she muttered to herself. A digital list sprang up, the names of targets she had that night springing up. Artemis’s job was a simple one; Kill those who had found out about what the Reapers do. Anyone who had found out about the extraction of Mythic’s powers (mythics are people/creatures with special abilities of any kind) or any other crimes were to be killed. The reapers slunk in the shadows and hid but Artemis knew they were building their way up and covering up their crimes. Artemis had always wondered how the Reapers were able to expand and have resources to do what they do, to have so many connections. Then she remembered money. People would do anything for a dollar in their pocket. It had been a cruel lesson to learn for Artemis.

She looked at the last name on the list. Strangely, it looked familiar.

Paige Neoma.

She couldn't remember where she had heard it before . Must still be loopy from yesterday's training..

She tapped on the name with a finger, the address springing up with the directions to where she was located. Artemis peered at the time then. Since she was trusted enough to go on assignments alone again she had a curfew; Midnight. It was eleven. Better hurry this shit up.

The location was one Artemis hadn’t expected. It was an abandoned warehouse. The building loomed over dead grass, decaying and old. She had visited here many times before. It was an escape, a place she could sneak out of when her father was drunk or passed out. Why are the directions leading here? No one lives here. I barely come here anymore. She chewed the knuckle knuckle on her index finger, her foot tapping on the crunchy grass. It must be another one of Vincent’s tests.. Her heart pounded a bit faster at that thought. Oh, God. If he finds out- if he found out I snuck out here back then..

She held her breath and took a step back, looking back at the rest of the city. Her throat felt tight. It didn't matter how long ago it was, he would still be pissed. He could be pissed for no reason.

I could get away. She turned around and looked out at the other buildings. No, they'd find me..

She shook her head and swallowed, pushing the thoughts away. She looked towards the big doors of the warehouse. She knew it was a trap. But once again, there wa sno choice she had.

Whatever happens.. I can take it. Whatever it is..I’ll take it.

Artemis exhaled slowly and walked back up to the doors. She then forced the doors open with a loud creak before she stepped into the old building. The doors shut behind her with a slam.

Inside, it was dark. Only one light was turned on. Inside smelled of mold and dust. But it was.. comforting. Better than the cleanliness smell of chemicals, trying to mask the stench of blood and torture at the Reapers base.

Artemis sighed and walked towards the middle, towards the light. The rest of the warehouse was dark, and she hated the way it looked like the shadows were crawling towards her. Goosebumps rose on her arms and on her neck.

She walked up to the middle of the room and stood there for a moment, looking around quietly. Before, Artemis would come during the day, when it was oddly welcoming. But now it was just menacing and.. honestly? Scary. Maybe because it meant Vincent might be lurking inside.

There was a light ruffling noise heard and Artemis jerked her head towards where the sound had come from, her hand instinctively moving to her bow on her shoulder. But she knew fighting against Vincent wouldn't help, so she lowered her hand. Her hand curled into a fist and her nails dug into her palms. Breathe.

But then she heard footsteps behind her and she turned, to see...Not Vincent. A girl had stepped into the dim lighting. She had black hair and stood tall, dressed in a black long sleeve with the sleeves rolled up. Paige Neoma. The name came back to her then. She had seen it on the news back home- A girl who had gone missing. She was a Mythic- A dangerous one the reporter had said. But all Mythics were deemed dangerous. Artemis stared at the girl. So this wasn’t a trap. Still, the unease didn’t fade. Artemis was never meant to kill Mythics; They could be useful. So why was she on the list? And why was she waiting for her?

"Artemis.." Paige said. Her voice was calm and smooth. She took a step forward. Artemis took one back, eyes scanning over her. “How do you know my name?”

The girl didn’t answer her question. “I need to speak to you.” “Could you have done it in a less creepy way?” Artemis narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on here?” “I need you to come with me.” “Who are you, a fuckin’ cop? Cause if so, that’s a shame because you’re pretty cute.”

Paige looked perplexed. She just shook her head. “No, I’m not a cop-” “That’s exactly what a cop would say.”

“What? Wh- Whatever. You need to come with me. I’m not taking no for an answer.” “Sure, then.” Paige stared again. She looked surprised, but she nodded slightly. “Right, then.. Follow me.” She began to walk, turning her back to Artemis. Artemis could see a sword on her back in it’s hilt. “Just kidding! God, how stupid can you be? I have a curfew, miss.” Artemis pulled out her grappling hook and swung up to the rafters before Paige turned around. She balanced on a rafter, right beside a window. She turned and opened it, before the corner of her eye caught a blue flash. Artemis glanced back behind her and her eyes widened. There, Paige was below. But now she had wings. Her wings were large and the blue faded from them. The inside of her wings were black and the outside white. “Motherfucker-” Artemis turned and pushed herself out the window, her grappling hook swinging her away from the building. A line shot out from the gun and connected to the building, and Artemis soared into the air, swinging up high. When she was really up there the line retracted and shot out again, as she flipped and continued to 'fly' around the city. She moved smoothly in the air as she fled.

As she was swinging she glanced behind her and saw Paige, her wings spread, flying towards her quickly. Artemis grinned and turned back around, attaching to another building and making a sharp turn to the right. Her hair blew back out of her face. She hadn't had this much.. fun in a while.

She was grinning, weirdly. When she was swinging around the city like that, it was like the wind rushing against her simply blew all her worries and issues away. And her heart sped up, but always in a good way. Not in fear or terror like usual.

The chase continued for a while, and Artemis glanced back once more, to find that the winged girl was no longer following her. Satisfied, but a little sad at the end of the chase, she turned back around in front of her-

To find Paige directly in front of her, slamming into her. Artemis's eyes widened and she let go of the gun. She squeezed her eyes shut as they collided, wind rushing through her ears. In the next second her back slammed down onto something hard- a roof-and she tumbled with Paige.

The two girls rolled on the roof Paige had tackled Artemis upon, and when the two finally stopped Artemis opened her eyes and wheezed, and the two girls scrambled up onto their feet. Artemis whipped out her dagger and aimed it at Paige’s throat the same time Paige’s sword blade rested on hers. Artemis’s eyes ran over the blade and then to Paige’s face. The girl tilted her head and her eyes bore into Artemis. They were blue, the same shade as Vincents. Artemis stared at her nose instead.

"Go ahead and do it, Neoma," Artemis said with a playful smirk. "You won't get what you want if you do. But I will. I'll get death so it's a win for me-"

Paige's eyes narrowed slowly. She was covered in bright colors from the smoke bombs. "And if you kill me, you'll create extra problems for yourself, won't you? You aren't allowed to kill me.”

"No. But what makes you think I won't drag your ass back to my people? Huh?"

At that, Paige's eyes softened and she half smiled, matching Artemis’s smirk. "You won't. You don't even want to wear that uniform, do you?" With her other hand, she gestured to Artemis's white uniform. She moved her blade up and sliced the mask she was wearing. It fluttered to the ground in the cool night breeze.

Her eyes widened slightly and she flinched away from the blade slightly. She pressed the blade against Paige's throat tighter. Yet, the winged girl didn't move an inch. Artemis glanced down at herself, to the mask, then at Paige. She held the blade tighter. "You don't know anything about what I want, lady. Honestly, I want some mental stab-"

Paige sighed, cutting her off. "Look.. one more chance to come willingly."

Artemis tilted her chin up and arched one eyebrow. "Mm.." There was a silence. She could only hear the wind blowing in her ears, and the noises of the city below.

Paige smiled wider. “Come on. Don’t you want to come with the pretty lady?”

“We haven’t established if you’re a cop or not yet, so-” “What police department would let me be a cop? I’m a mythic, remember?” “That’s true.”

There was a small beep and Artemis’s watch flashed. Fuck. Midnight.

In the next moment, Artemis grabbed the sword blade and yanked Paige closer, despite the blade cutting her hand. As Paige went forward Artemis slammed her knee into her stomach, before shoving her down and turning. She ran to the edge of the roof and pushed off. When she was mid-leap, she heard a loud whooshing noise. In the exact same second, arms wrapped around her as a body slammed into her. Son of a-

Yet again, the two slammed onto the roof together. Artemis rolled again, coming to a stop on her stomach. She tried to push herself up, but then an arm hooked around her neck. Artemis coughed and struggled as she felt weight on her. The damn bitch had her in a chokehold. Artemis rolled, lying on Paige. She clawed at the girl’s arms. Still, Artemis could speak. “Let go!” The girl didn’t let go. “I gave you a chance!” “Let go! I said for you to let go! He’s going to be mad!” Artemis snarled, but then Paige squeezed and cut off her air. Artemis kicked uselessly and clawed at the girl. Panic was beginning to set in. Even as Artemis thrashed, the girl didn’t let go. Soon enough, black spots covered Artemis’ vision and she slipped away into unconsciousness.