#kid with a retainer (jimmy)

[torra-and-the-toons]

I just had a thought that woke me in a cold sweat from a nap...

Since EEnE and KND technically exist in the same world, what if the adults from EEnE are always gone because they're busy terrorizing the KND?

This is not at all a serious headcanon, but it's funny to think about.

[muses-of-the-memory]

Happy 26th Anniversary, Ed, Edd n Eddy!

Tagged by: @hoshi-neko-hikari, @bluemajingirl, @the-world-hopper

[somewhatidealname]

i love how your springtap is just a literal monster while scraptrap has the vibe of a kid's cartoon villian. if these two saw each other they'd be immensly confused as to how different they are in nature. literal apex predator vs jimmy neutrons grandfather 💀

scraptrap is from the timeline where william retains his braincells

[sschizoid]

Tulpar crew babysitting…

ive got you pookie ( ੭ ˘ ³˘)੭‎°｡⋆♡‧₊˚

--

curly

is so honored that he was chosen to be entrusted with the care of something as delicate as a baby. always wanted to be a dad, but never quite found the right person to settle down with. but doing this is kind of reigniting that old baby fever he thought he'd forgotten about all those years ago. maybe someday

loves to play, especially with his hands. peek-a-boo, patty-cake, and finger puppets are his go-tos, as he thinks teaching creativity and engaging the imagination through just means of your person can make for a healthy mind

singing is also something he loves to utilize, but he doesn't go for the predictable options like your ABCs or wheels on the bus. no, right now, he's got himself an audience, one that can't tell him to keep it down or that his music taste sucks, and he's going to take advantage of that. he's singing the beach boys

jimmy

would ideally never be in this situation to begin with. cannot fathom why anyone would think to trust him of all people to care for a baby when he can hardly even care for himself

if he does somehow get swept into it, whether it be by the will of god or some other foreign wind of change, he will do the absolute bare minimum. throws the kid in a playpen with some toys and sits back while enjoying some television. probably puts on some trashy animated show that's definitely not made for infants, but all they care about is the moving pictures and fun colors, right? everything else is subjective

texts every 45 minutes asking for updates on when parent(s) will be home, because he kind of has somewhere he needs to be in an hour (lie). also he dug around in the fridge a bit and ate some leftovers but re-positioned the remaining amount in the tupperware in an attempt to make it look like he didn't. also, he's getting paid for this, right?

anya

she's never really interacted with kids before, let alone a baby. she's trying to find a polite way to decline, but takes too long in trying to come up with an excuse and eventually just agrees

read a whole bunch of parent blogs 20 minutes before coming over so she could know what to expect. the only information she retained was that babies like to be talked to. she's professional and talks to them like she would a coworker at the watercooler. baby seems into it, though?

feeling confident after making the baby laugh, but she doesn't want to risk losing the progress she's made by trying something wacky. baby likes talking— maybe likes books, too? she brought her homework just in case she wanted to do some studying, and decides to read the articles from her textbook aloud. it works like a charm, though the baby falls asleep soon after. maybe the subject matter was too boring?

swansea

hell. no. he spent over a decade of his life combined dealing with rugrats, what makes you think he'd want to go back to that? he did his time and then some, his sentence is served

the only circumstance where he'd agree to babysit is if it were to do his own kids a favor. they're around that age, getting their lives together and starting families, so he could swallow his pride every now and then and play the role of "grandpa," for a bit. even if the title seemed unearned

but being a grandfather kind of makes him reflect. makes him realize he probably wasn't there for his kids nearly as often as he should have been. he wasn't a good father to them, not by any stretch of the imagination, but he's thankful they made out alright in the end. he feels a pang in his heart when he looks into the face of the baby and realizes it has his nose

daisuke

OF COURSE he'll babysit, are you kidding? he's always wanted a little sibling to instill his personality and interests into, and this, while not the perfect opportunity, was probably the next best thing

brings over all of his favorite toys from when he was a kid. hot wheels, tech decks, legos, the works. tries to teach the baby how to do a kickflip with the tech deck, but they keep trying to eat it. that's cool too, he can maybe understand the appeal. it kind of looks like an eclair if you squint really, really hard and hold it really, really far away

babysitting is also the perfect excuse to watch cartoons without the fear of being judged by boring people, so he's got that shit running the whole time. nothing too babyish (he wants to enjoy himself too, after all), but still has loads of bright colors and the occasional catchy musical number that will most certainly follow him home that night

--

hope these are sufficient ! if anyone else has any requests; my asks are open !! ⁽⁽ଘ( ˊωˋ )ଓ⁾⁾

.......i'm admittedly a bit backed up at the moment but rest assured I'm POWERING THROUGH YEAAAHHHH 💪

[acknowledge-reigns]

Swipe Right | Roman Reigns x Black!fem OC (18+)

Description: After spending the weekend trying to push Roman out of her mind, Iris realizes that isn't going to be possible.

Chapter: 3/6

Face Claim: Ciara

Warnings: Mention of alcohol use, strong language, I think that's all?

Word count: 850

This is set in an AU in which the og bloodline reunited before wrestlemania 40 and Roman retained. As always my stories are about Roman, not Joe. While there is not smut in the first couple of chapters, there will be in others. This is very much an 18+ BDSM based romance with some comedy thrown in there. You have been warned.

Iris walked into her her cozy little home feeling a mix of emotions. She was relieved to be home, but also still feeling the aftermath of her encounter with Roman.

As she walked into the living room, she saw her sisters, Kiley and Jax, sitting on the couch sipping wine and watching some trash reality show. They looked up at her expectantly.

"How did it go?" Kiley asked eagerly.

Iris let out a sigh and flopped down onto the couch. "It was... interesting," she said, not wanting to go into too much detail.

Kiley and Jax exchanged a look, clearly sensing that there was more to the story.

"Come on, spill," Jax said, leaning forward. "What happened with Roman?"

Iris hesitated for a moment, debating whether or not to tell her sisters the truth. But she knew they wouldn't let up until she did.

"Okay, fine," she said, taking a deep breath. "Roman was... different than I expected. He was charming and flirty at first, but then he suddenly stopped kissing me and acted like nothing had happened."

Kiley and Jax both looked surprised.

"Wait, he just stopped kissing you and walked away?" Kiley asked, her eyes wide.

Iris nodded, feeling a mix of frustration and embarrassment.

"Yeah, he said it was nice meeting me and then told me to enjoy the show. I have no idea what that even means."

Jax frowned. "That's weird. He seemed so into you before. Do you think he was just playing games? I swear, I will-."

"Deep breaths, Jax." Kiley can't help but chuckle. Jacqueline aka Jax was always the fiercest of the three sisters. Kiley aka Lele was the baby and most gentle. Iris is a weird mixture of fierce yet gentle, and she's also the eldest. Their dad had never been in their lives and their mom passed away when Lele was still a kid so it was just the three of them until Iris' daughters came along. Jax lives with Iris and is a professional dancer. Lele is in nursing school and lives on campus but returns most weekends.

Iris shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe he was just looking for a quick hookup or something. But I don't know why he had to be so rude about it."

Iris decided to change the subject, not wanting to dwell on Roman any longer.

"Anyway, how were the girls tonight?" she asked, turning to her sisters.

Kiley smiled. "They were great. We had a movie night and they both fell asleep before the end of the movie."

Iris smiled, feeling a pang of guilt for leaving her daughters with her sisters. "Thanks for watching them. I really appreciate it."

Jax waved her off. "Don't worry about it. We love spending time with them."

Iris nodded, feeling grateful for her sisters. "I don't know what I would do without you guys."

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➴➵➶➴➵

Roman was sitting on his private bus on the way to another nearby city replaying the events of the night in his head. He couldn't get Iris out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried.

He was interrupted by the sound of Jey and Jimmy taking the seats across from him.

"Uce, You good?" Jey asked.

Roman looked up at his cousins, a distracted expression on his face.

"Yeah, I'm good," he said, trying to shake off his thoughts of Iris. "Just thinking."

Jimmy raised an eyebrow. "About what? You've been pretty quiet since the show ended."

Roman hesitated for a moment, not sure if he wanted to talk about what was on his mind. He had never been big on opening up. Being vulnerable was one of the very few things he wasn't flawless at.

"I met someone." he finally said.

Jey and Jimmy exchanged a knowing look.

"And?" Jey prompted, leaning forward.

Roman let out a sigh. "And... I don't know. It was just supposed to be a hookup I guess.. someone from tinder that I messaged while drunk, but I can't stop thinking about her. But we didn't even have sex, and it ended weird."

Jimmy grinned. "Ooh, you're in trouble, Uce."

Jey chuckled. "Yeah, sounds like you've got it bad."

Roman rolled his eyes. "Shut up, both of you." But deep down, he knew they were right. He couldn't deny that he was feeling something for Iris, even though he had tried to convince himself otherwise.

➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➶➴➵➴➵➶➴➴➵➶➴

Monday came about quickly. Iris had done everything in her power to erase Roman Reigns from her mind. She was sitting at her desk, sipping on a cup of coffee, when her boss, Mrs. Neely walked into her office.

"Iris, I need to talk to you about something," She said, a serious expression on her face.

Iris looked up at her boss, feeling a bit of anxiety. "Sure, what's up?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady.

Mrs Neely sat down in the chair across from her. "I have some news for you," the older woman said, folding her hands together. "You're going to be working on the WWE-Netflix deal."

"WWE needs someone to represent them in negotiations," Mrs Neely continued. "And they specifically requested you."

Well Shit...

Previous chapter ●◉◎◈◎◉● Next chapter

[cyanityy]

One plot hole that really irks me in Bully is the Help Gary mission. After how Gary boasts about taking over the school in front of all the clique leaders, with a reputation of being sadistic and untrustworthy beyond that of the usual teenage banter, why the flippity is there no resistance against his rumours?? Anyway, my two cents on the ordeal:

First, scrap Gary as a guide throughout the entire mission. Why are we still in tutorial mode while navigating the basement I see literally zero purpose for that. We could easily resolve the mission's rigid direction by making the betrayal happen moments before, instead opting to chase Gary for revenge - a revenge that remains unsatisfied when we realise we’ve been set up to fight Russel. I think it would’ve been much more elaborate while still retaining the element of betrayal bc as it stands, Jimmy just. Ignores these kids filtering in during Gary’s dialogue?? Jimmy being punished for wanting revenge, his core value, would be a more interesting narrative. Gary should exploit his hotheaded, impulsive nature and anticipate Jimmy will chase him to lead him to the Hole for public humiliation.

Second, if the decision is that Jimmy will not be encountering Gary for the rest of the story until the climax then his absence should've been enforced. For most parts of the story, we do forget about Gary because the story explores each clique, the only other times we notice him is maybe in two mini cutscenes but after that, it boils down to what Gary's already done/said (Like when Dr Crabblesnitch says he's been saying some "interesting things" about him, or when Pinky tells Jimmy she's told he's "sexually confused"). despite the choice to design him as a 'sneaking puppeteer', it makes for a severely passive antagonist until chapter 5. NPC Gary could've been spawned into certain locations close to or in correlation to the story mission's location to remedy that and it's up to the player to pay close attention to what's going on around them. It would make him an active character without diverting too much from the deliberately under-wraps role that R* assigned him because it's Jimmy's perception that Gary's not an immediate concern but the players themselves can see something is brewing. It would also exempt Petey from having to remind us about Gary throughout the playthrough.

And as an extension to that last point, Gary's word against Jimmy's should not have been as one-sided as the story let itself be. We're informed pretty early that the school consensus is Gary is sadistic, sociopathic and scares the rest of the students so it should have very little weight that his manipulation works. I understand the idea that leading by fear over love is a motto integrated heavily into the game, but it's also extremely complex and not touched upon at all. Jocks are tight-knit and acknowledge they're the reigning clique (until Jimmy slapboxed them too) so it makes sense to think that Gary mindgamed them because that's their weakness, the same idea that bribery might've yielded better with the preps for their materialism. I don't see that making Gary exclusively spread gossip is as sufficient as the game makes it out to be. The point is that we should've been shown how Gary managed to turn the cliques against him, using what he's observed from Jimmy, along with what he knows best: Violence and Apathy.

[tubbytarchia]

Self indulgent Jimmy & Martyn & Netty Evo insanity thoughts sorry

I'm not usually into big grand storylines to explain away the connections of multiple SMPs, especially watchers, I care very little for them, but I can't stop thinking about what happened after Evo... Why was Jimmy so alone for so long afterward... where did Martyn and Netty go, and what took so long for Martyn to come back, and why didn't Netty...

Can't help but think about Martyn taking up responsibility. Of him being Jimmy's first friend, of them knowing each other when they were little wee kids. And then finding a creature in the woods (Netty). How Jimmy and Pearl were spared from whatever happened right after Evo and went on to be part of other Worlds shortly afterward. How Jimmy largely had no one - had to fend for himself, and told himself he could do it. And in the end of Legacy and X Life he died all alone. How much he must have missed Netty and Martyn and the stability they brought

Can't help thinking about where Martyn was and why he acted the way he did towards Jimmy in 3rd Life. Why he accused him of not caring for Property Police anymore, how he proclaimed they weren't "friends like that" anymore. Yet evidently he still felt some of that self-assigned responsibility to be the caretaker, evidently he still cares so much about Jimmy. What if he's thinking "why did I have to go through that, and not you?" (even though I never wanted you to), "you don't know what it was like, you don't know what I had to go through" (akin to the way Martyn also votes for Jimmy to stay in Southlands in Last Life even after making a big show of how Jimmy should be exiled). Whatever it was, that happened after Evo, that also seems to have just fucking taken people like Netty away from them, he doesn't want to tell Jimmy, for Jimmy's own good, because he cares about him. It can't be helped that Martyn sometimes treats him poorly or says insensitive things, it's for Jimmy's own good, even as Martyn has no one to talk to about it. He thinks things to have been unfair and they WERE unfair. He took on the role of caretaker, and he's not in the wrong to feel frustrated. Jimmy doesn't know how hard it was for Martyn, and Martyn doesn't know how hard it was for Jimmy. How much Jimmy waited for him, how much he needs Martyn right now. How much he needed Martyn when Martyn set the ground between them on fire, declaring his chance to have passed. How much he wanted to prove himself to be capable so Martyn could be proud when he returned

How Jimmy would always retain dwindling hope each new world even after 3L that Netty would be fine too, and come back. Martyn had, Martyn was there, but their early Evo trio is incomplete. If Netty returned, surely they'd be able to go back to how things were and Martyn could be happy too. But with the way Martyn treated him, would Jimmy, at any dwelling of the thought that Netty could still be out there, think that maybe Netty wouldn't want to see him again? Hasn't wanted to for a reason?

Sorry I'm. ailing. I fucking hate minecraft

[but-thats-its-own-story]

This episode man...

This is a damn good Superman series.

I all but stood up and cheered when the House of Zod and his Full-Blown Space Armada was 30 seconds away from straight-up invading Earth but were apparently so in denial about Jor-El's warning that the fricking origin story blew them straight to hell.

I love how they finally name dropped General Sam Lane, implied that he was about to or just had a kid on Zero Day, and had Waller confirm that Clark reminds him of Lois, but still won't actually reveal it until next weeks episode about Fathers.

They were already hinting he subverts the 'heartless general' archetype before, but the way his resolve just breaks when he sees the tears streaming down Clark's face...

The attention to detail with the subtle confirmation that Waller didn't miss Livewire realizing she retained her powers without the suit...

And then Deathstroke gets his trademark eyepatch when she fries his eye out of its socket...

The Kaiju Parasite is a bit excessive, and in a lesser series it would be the season finale villain, but overall it's a pretty cool design, and this isn't over yet.

More attention to detail with the fact that Clark immediately healed when the sun oh-so-symbolically rose, and the emphasis on the dropped bag as a cue to notice Jimmy would pick it up- these people know what they're doing.

I find it interesting that (presumably) Zod is already in superhuman aspect, leading me to believe that he, and by extension Clark, were in fact intentionally engineered as living weapons rather than gaining powers inadvertently from the sun (and to reassert the part of my theory that Clark looks just like him, likely due to being some form of clone.) But it probably is actually Zod rather than a Dark Clark if he was an adult on Zero Day.

So we're just gonna have the most awkward family dinner in the world, where Lois has to explain that The General is actually her dad, Ma and Pa Kent finally make *another* onscreen appearance, Jimmy and Lois collectively freak the hell out over the Dark Clark reveal, and then Zod is just gonna burst through the wall battered from having spent twenty years flying here the long way...

[practically-an-x-man]

Childhood asks for Jimmy because I'm really curious what it would've been like to grow up back then

2, 4, 8, 10

Ooooh thank you!!

OC Asks: Childhood Edition

2. Where did your muse grow up? What was their home like? Did they like where they grew up?

Jimmy grew up in New York City, right about when the city began to boom in industry and population. It was noisy, crowded, and more than a little unhygienic as the city hadn't quite sorted itself out yet.

His parents were lucky enough to own a floor in one of the apartment buildings, but usually leased out their extra rooms to immigrant families - a combination of generosity, as the welfare buildings got overcrowded and lots of people ended up on the street, and a means of getting a little extra cash for their working-class family. Jimmy's dad worked in iron manufacturing on the outskirts of the city, and his mother was a seamstress on commission. They had enough money to keep their home and put food on the table, and saved up so that Jimmy could have gone to college if he chose to, but it wasn't a luxury life by any means.

And even though he recognized all of the flaws in his childhood, Jimmy adores New York City and has never wanted to leave.

4. How was your muse's relationship with their childhood guardians? Has it changed over time, and if so, how? Do they keep in touch?

He and his parents had their ups and downs, but it was generally a good relationship. He never told them about his sexuality, but he was open about a lot of other things in his life (like his decision to work at the New York Zoo, at that time a low-paying position that didn't require much education, rather than going to college)

It would be pretty impossible for them to have kept in touch, given Jimmy himself is about a hundred and forty years old, but if he ran into them as ghosts he'd probably end up coming clean about the secrets he'd kept from them, just to get that off his chest. If they accepted it, that would be wonderful, but if they didn't, it's at least closure for him.

8. What did your muse do in their free time? How did they entertain themself as a kid?

His love of birds started early, even though there weren't many wild birds to be seen in central NYC. He spent a lot of time birdwatching in Central Park, and more time holed up in the library looking at books on ornithology. There weren't as many restrictions on kids just walking around on their own at that time, so when his parents were at work he tended just to wander until he found something interesting. And of course, he loved Coney Island - sometimes he'd buy a ticket and go with friends, other times he'd just sneak in and walk around for a while.

He was definitely the type of person to fall into his interests early and then stick with them. His love of birds led him to working in the New York Zoo, he first met his partner Robert by trading interactions at the zoo and at the library, and of course Coney Island plays into his death and much of his ghosthood. There's a reason for this - he needs to be linked strongly to his interests, because they have to be enough that he wants to keep living them.

My view on ghosts in the Ghostbusters universe is that they're effectively distilled versions of who the person was in their life, boiled down to the few traits, emotions, or roles that were the strongest. The librarian ghost, the ghostly miners, even a semihuman ghost like Slimer - their form as a ghost reflects their strongest traits or roles in their life. Jimmy retains so much of his humanity as a ghost partially because of how deeply he held onto his interests in his life.

10. What responsibilities did your muse have as a child? Chores? Babysitting? How good were they at fulfilling their responsibilities?

He had a lot of general chores around the house and around the neighborhood, and sometimes would sweep up around the neighborhood restaurants and other businesses for a little extra cash (child labor laws? what are those?). He was generally very good at keeping up with his responsibilities, but a few times he got so absorbed in whatever book he was reading that he ended up late to work.

[internetcatholicism]

Also, Larry Nassar, Jerry Sandusky, Jimmy Savile. Not just Epstein and Maxwell. I haven't seen Sound of Freedom and don't plan to, but the media and random people who denounce the movie, o.u.r, and sex trafficking as a conspiracy are umm idk willfully ignorant and/or doing so simply because it's a "right-wing" piece of media or related to qanon (which I don't really know what this is and don't want to know more than "it's right-wing lol"). All 5 people listed above were wealthy, famous, and powerful with connections to someone who knows someone who knows someone, and a lot was at stake to keep them in their current position, which perpetuated the easy access to victims. Would the people who laughed at sound of freedom also laugh at 'Athlete A' about Nassar or tell any of the kids that Jimmy abused under the guise of his make-a-wish style TV show that they deserved the abuse because they thought they were lucky to be on the show? These people were never on 4chans /b/ in early 2000s when CSA was posted ALL hours of the day. It's sad that the prevailing opinion about this film is "it's bait for MAGA conspiracy theorists" when ... The people who repeat that rhetoric literally only have to look up those 5 people (3 of whom have mountains of evidence spanning decades from hundreds of victims EACH) and realize... Hey wow CSA is real and I'm a piece of garbage for laughing at it. Why is the powerful media trying to disparage something that is real and tragic? I get that the film might be more dramatic than reality (reproductions are often dramatized, reality tv is ultra-dramatic), but drama is how you make people emotionally connect with something! Ugh! Do they want CSA presented in sterile, 1950s medical diction that is so boring and arrogant you can't hope to retain anything? I hope this is ok to send. I'm so sad for you.

Let it out anon, let it out.

Just to respond to what you said near the end, I have some interesting news for you.

Before Sound of Freedom, there was a documentary made called "Triple Take" which is about THE SAME OPERATION as is in the movie. So if you're worried about it being dramatized, you can check the actual footage of it and see just how dramatic it really was. Here's the trailer for that documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ESbg9TDZPzk

I agree that the reaction from the media and from the left has been a pretty horrific thing to take in. The fact that something came out and wasn't 100% left wing was enough for people to deny reality and disparage millions of child victims and heroes. It's disgusting. I wish I could fix it, but I can't, so I'm gonna do my best to get as many people in on the fight to end trafficking until all victims and stories are taken seriously. This is one of the most important problems the world is facing today and it needs to end.

[muses-of-the-memory]

@hoshi-neko-hikari continued from here Hikari smiled and nodded happily, wanting to know Rolf’s story of how babies are made.

Rolf takes another breath to tell them where babies come from. "You are children. Go away. Thank you!" Rolf said as he douses the fire and leaves.

"Darn it! We'll never know, Sarah." Jimmy spoke holding his fishbowl. "Somebody's gotta know, Jimmy." Sarah spoke.

Hikari was helping Double D with the chick egg project in the science lab. She decorated hers with a bow and a diaper.

@hoshi-neko-hikari

"Greetings, fellow Cluckers!" Edd shouted using a megaphone. "The Happy Cluckers Club is now called to order." He said examining an egg under an incubator thoroughly.

Jonny sweats as Edd looks it over. "Egg-ceptional progress, Jonny." Edd congratulated.

"Right on! We're gonna have us a family, buddy!" Jonny shouted to Plank, happily. "And what do we have here?" Edd asked about Hikari's egg. "Your egg looks adorable as you, Hikari. A perfect match." Edd smiled.

[leanstooneside]

Pat Boone

1. MILA KUNIS'S HAIR (CONTRACT REVOKED)

2. PAUL SCULFOR'S HAIR (STOLEN)

3. GAVIN ROSSDALE'S HAIR (PAWNED)

4. JASON ALDEAN'S HAIR (POKER GAME)

5. COLTON HAYNES'S HAIR (HIJACKED)

6. HOLLY MONTAG'S HAIR (MISPLACED)

7. STEPHEN MOYER'S HAIR (MISAPPROPRIATED)

8. KOBE BRYANT'S HAIR (SOLD)

9. JIMMY FALLON'S HAIR (HIJACKED)

10. RYAN DUNN'S HAIR (STRAY)

11. KID ROCK'S HAIR (RIPPED OFF)

12. LINDSEY VONN'S HAIR (STRAY)

13. MIRANDA KERR'S HAIR (PAWNED)

14. MINKA KELLY'S HAIR (RETAINED)

15. CELINE DION'S HAIR (GONE)

16. SALMA HAYEK'S HAIR (MISSING)

17. AMY WINEHOUSE'S HAIR (ABDUCTED)

18. SCARLETT JOHANSSON'S HAIR (LOANED OUT)

19. CHELSEA HANDLER'S HAIR (BURIED AT SEA)

20. CEE LO GREEN'S HAIR (CONFISCATED)

21. CIARA'S HAIR (MISLAID)

22. BRUCE WILLIS'S HAIR (MISSING)

23. DRAKE'S HAIR (TRADED)

[paulagnewart]

Sonic the Oz-Hog Act 8/12: Journey's End!

Sonic Universe issue 16 AU Publication Date: 6th August 2010 Price: $6.50

(Alternate title: 'A Farewell to Khans!'.)

Sixteen. Six. Teen. Siiiiiiixteeeeen. A number by all rights like any other, yet harbors more than a few connotations in life. Songs written and movies made have abounded over the decades in dedication to this number. It can mark exciting new beginnings, a (at least theoretically) responsible coming of age, a formal debut ready to tackle the more "mature" world of driving cars and leaving school in favour of the local workforce. Or maybe not. The author of these posts can't remember their sixteenth birthday beyond being pretty sure it happened, it rained, and there was a new Transformers action figure involved.

But when it came to Aussies following their favourite hedgehog's monthly tri-coloured triumphs, sixteen marked a bitter end.

In comparison to the turmoil of 2010's political sphere, Sonic and his freedom fighting buddies' year-long battle against the Iron Dominion's wrath was a cakewalk. Having swept to power in November 2007 despite the best efforts of conservative media and racist fake pamphlets, the time had come for Kevin Rudd to resign. Labor's three year tenure of poll-topping high highs and scandalous low lows painted a divisive picture, and with the prospect of losing power on the back of a fatal home insulation program and increased taxes for mining non-renewables, Julia Gillard stepped up unopposed to succeed him on 24th June. Rudd agreed on 6th August to stay onboard for support, and within two weeks of this issue's publication, a federal election saw Gillard narrowly retain her mantle as Australia's first female Prime Minister.

Music lovers thrummed away to manufactured relationship angst of Eminem and Rihanna's collaboration Love the Way You Lie, which was halfway through its six week domination of the billboard charts. Christopher Nolan's brain-bender Inception had enjoyed its own three weeks leading the local box office, until Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg briefly blasted their way to the top in The Other Guys.

The glory days of analogue morning toon-tainment for kids were by this point faded memories. Having half an hour sliced off its slot beginning New Year's Day 2010, Toasted TV limped itself along offering viewers that day repeats of Huntik: Secrets & Seekers and Dinosaur King. The product of networks pushing for breakfast news programs and set top boxes becoming more prevalent (i.e. affordable) meant the future of children's television was well on its way to being all digital. Channel Seven's subsidiary 7TWO served up repeats of Avenger Penguins, Digimon Data Squad, Handy Manny and Power Rangers Jungle Fury. Not to be outclassed, Channel Nine's newly-minted 9GO! kicked off the day with new Out of Jimmy's Head before its own repeat cavalcade of Class of 3000, Chowder, Legion of Super Heroes, Ben 10, The Flintstones and The Jetsons.

Another far cry from the days of yore were fan reviews. Forums, groups and pages come and go. The regulars over at Sonic Stadium all but ignored the issue and instead focused on whether Mighty and Ray would get their own SegaSonic Arcade adaptation, while gushing over the impending Tails Adventure arc. Sonic HQ's once juggernaut now dustbowl Knothole Village had little to say beyond base pleasantries, as did PorpoiseMuffins' Saturday Morning Sonic message board.

For those hoping to dig deep into the comic proper, Ian Flynn's forum truly put the "King" in "BumbleKing". By that point in its life a thriving superpower, after 5 days and over 15 pages of speculation, residents of Archie Sonic's biggest watering hole considered it "without a doubt my favorite of the arc. It's mostly expostition with more or less no action but what exposition!" The good times rolled with "Good wrap-up to this arc in an arc. I enjoyed it. I liked Espio's backstory; thought it was handled well." and "I've said it before I'll say it again Ian gets Sonic's personality so right my favorite line has to be "'Careful'? So many foreign words today!" why cant SEGA write him like that.". Forum goers were excited to share their future speculations, notably the prospect of one character being the first in a series which, like Dimitri being the latest in a line of Enerjaks, began life as a fan theory shared on message boards during the late-90's.

Yet while fandom faces and places can change as time marches on, attitudes remain engrained. Even if they've never seen the character or read a comic, some people can (and will) criticize them, ranging from "not being accurate to other source material" or that incredibly tired buzzword of dismissing the series as "weird". When pressed to consider the extensive laundry list of Archie Sonic material going under the hammer of fickle fans, it's tough topping the decades of derision aimed at Mobius' own cybernetic simian, Monkey Khan.

The amalgamation of late writer/artist Frank Strom's admiration for Chinese literature hero Sun Wukong, Japanese actors in rubber monster suits, and 1970's Hong Kong martial art films, Khan found himself shackled among the swelling ranks of Geoffrey St. John, Nate Morgan and Mina Mongoose in the upper echelons of Archie Sonic's most reviled characters. Case in point, fans quickly booted up their modems as early as November 1997 to voice their displeasure online. Some remained optimistic, citing Khan "looks simply like a vessel for spouting chiche's and poor dialogue, but there's opportunity to make him more interesting (and more vital) to the story." Others took offence to the character's ancient roots, wondering if the coincidence "probably is, since this issue didn't seem very well thought out. If it was a reference, that would be the only excuse for the piece of Mass-Produced Crud".

As the years rolled on and Khan made a handful more cameos, this fan mentality never truly shook off. "I have come to NOT STAND Monkey Khan AND Frank Stroms writing and drawing skills…MK has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND IF THE EDITOR HAD ANY SENSE HE'D FIRE STROM. The guy has done NOTHING to show that he can even write a Sonic story." readers openly whined. "it really ticks me off that Frank Strom's version of the Monkey King was so poor… in fact, I bet he hasn't heard of MK in his life, but rather, Dragon Ball. smirk. Frank Strom is probably the worst Archie-Sonic writer I've ever seen, with the possible exception of 75% of Mike Gallagher's works.". They compared Khan to the worst type of wish-fulfilment self-insert, and Strom himself often written into fanfics as a target of obsessive mockery. Even the efforts of Ian Flynn to flesh out his character during 2009-10 (complete with hatred lampshade on the first page of issue 203) came across mixed, further fueled at a time when Archie Comics openly baited fans into a staggeringly pointless shipping war.

Hm. Seeing how Khan, Geoffrey, Mina and Nate were frequently criticized for stealing the spotlights of Sonic, Antoine, Sally and Rotor respectively, maybe there's an alternate universe where someone capitalized of this and united them to strike out in their own team. It would certainly make for quite the fanfic. But enough digressing.

There's a bittersweet irony here. Locals who loathed Monkey Khan's exploits and hoped to see the back of him once and for all were about to get their wish. A World Under Constant Vigil marked the last appearance Khan would make in a starring role, one which in a fantastical coincidence was published exactly on Frank Strom's 46th birthday. Further blurring the lines between a true case of "Sixteen Khandles" and the Monkey's Paw myth, Sonic Universe issue 16 would ultimately be the final comic released at Australian retail.

After 17 years of constantly easily accessible comics, time was up. Issue 211 and Universe 14 were the last to be sold at retail for $5.50, a price increase from $4.95 which began with issue 198. The move to fancy new glossy paper, an arguably remarked improvement which brought the comic's quality closer in line with the free Bionicle, HeroScape, The Batman and Teen Titans centerpiece of 2005-6 meant coughing up another dollar. Was it this move to $6.50 a copy that made the bean counters at Gordon and Gotch drop the title? Were they too frustrated by enduring the excessive length of Iron Queen's tenure? Was it the moonlit kiss and chest stroking between Sally and Khan in issue 212 that broke the camel's back? Guess fans will never know, for when the writer of these posts questioned said distributors at the time, they responded curtly that both Sonic titles "have now ceased and are no longer in production". So much for that.

As anyone who's kept up with these will know, the story of Archie Sonic in Australia was far from being all over. It's hard to keep a good high speed hero down, and one day he shall come back. Yes, he shall come back. Until then, there must be no regrets, no tears, no anxieties. Just go forward in all your beliefs, and prove to Sonic that he is not mistaken in his.

Yet it would be a long, pained fifteen months before Aussies saw the blue blur triumphantly return to newsagent shelves.

[excusethequality]

31 Days of Spooky Movies 2023: Week 1

Every October I make it my mission to watch at least 1 spooky movie every day (without rewatching anything watched in a previous October).

In case anyone is looking for some ideas on what to watch this month, here's what I've watched so far, in the order I watched them.

Dumplings (2004)

A Hong Kong horror movie about a former actress who will go to any lengths to keep her looks so as to retain her position of wealth and power.

There's a lot of interesting themes in this one. Using consumption as a metaphor for how systems of power use and abuse those under them is a common theme in Chinese literature and it's deployed quite artfully here.

2. Skinamarink (2022)

An experimental art movie about two kids who wake up in the middle of the night to find all the doors and windows of the house have disappeared and that they're all alone.

You are either going to love this one or hate it. But if you give it a try I recommend committing to it. You've gotta go lights off, by yourself, phone off for this one to work. It's definitely an experimental arty movie so...umm, strap in for a weird experience. But at its heart it's trying to recreate in you that experience of being a little child and afraid of the dark and not quite sure if you're awake or still dreaming.

3. The Thing from Another World (1951)

Before there was John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) there was The Thing from Another World. Both adaptations of the 1938 novella Who Goes There? by John W. Campbell. Here a group of scientists and Air Force officials discover a crashed alien ship in the arctic ice. But things take a turn for the worse when they bring back the body of an extraterrestrial to study only to find it isn't actually dead.

This movie somehow manages to keep all the most boring bits from the novella while also throwing out all the parts of the story that are actually interesting. Gone is the shape shifting alien. Here we have a lurching plant based alien (aka a big dude in a weird costume) that looks more Frankenstein than Thing.

4. Dave of the Dead (2020)

A cheaply animated movie about a zombie who works in an outer space fast food restaurant who has to try and get the money back from Dracula after the count dines and dashes on him.

The animation on this movie is SO cheap. They honestly don't even try to animate facial expressions nor match dialogue to mouth flap. Not to mention there's only the semblance of a story here. But the worse thing about it is that it is aimed at kids and there's a weirdly strong anti-labor stance to the whole thing.

5. The She Beast (1966)

When her car plunges into a lake a woman becomes possessed by the spirit of the witch that had been drowned there in the 18th century and wants her revenge.

The movie is said to star Barbara Steele and while she is the best thing about the movie, she is barely in it. When they say "possessed" they mean replaced by someone else wearing a bizarre monster mask. So instead we are forced to follow her lame fiancee around. Also there's a really random attempted rape scene in the movie for some reason.

6. Bell, Book and Candle (1958)

A modern witch casts a lovespell on her neighbor in order to get back at his fiancee. But things get complicated when she starts to fall in love with him for real.

I'm sorry, but I have a huge bias against Jimmy Stewart. And here he is at age 50 starring against a 25 year old Kim Novak. That man is not a catch! I do not understand the hold he had over Hollywood. Anyways, as far as rom-coms go this a bit of a strange one. The cast is pretty fun (when you exclude Stewart) and it's got some interesting flair. But it's held back by the non-existent chemistry between the leads and the slight tinge of 50s misogyny.

P.S. Don't think I didn't notice their disdain for the oxford comma, the heathens.

7. Doll Shark (2022)

A kid's stuffed shark becomes possessed by the spirit of a killer shark and goes on a murder spree.

This is from one of those studios that specializes in making incredibly low budget junk films and it shows. It's umm...not good. If you insist on watching it be sure to have some drinks and/or some friends with you.

8. An American Werewolf in London (1981)

Two Americans are backpacking through England (as was the style at the time) when they are attacked by a werewolf. Now cursed and far from home, time is quickly running out for them.

The classic John Landis horror comedy! I used to catch this one on TV all the time as a kid. It's a lot of fun and an interesting piece of Jewish-American horror. I will admit that while I like every scene in the movie, as a whole it feels slightly disjointed to me? In any case there's a lot of memorable scenes, practical effects, and great performances. Jenny Agutter is especially charming.

9. Dr Jekyll & Sister Hyde (1971)

Dr Jekyll is trying to discover a secret to prolonging life and thinks the answer might be found in female hormones. But when his experience goes wrong he transforms into a woman. In order to keep their experiment going and perfect their elixir they need dead bodies, but what are you to do when supplies are running low?

I honestly do not know if this movie was trying to be this queer or if it was just a happy accident. I swear to god, Jekyll essentially invents HRT on accident, has a gender crisis, and then has to battle with wither they continue their life as they had or to embrace this new identity. It is fascinating. I don't think it was intentionally creating this theme, but by good golly, they make it really hard not to see it that way. Martine Beswick as Hyde is so, so good in this.

10. Puppet Shark (2023)

A puppet movie about two kids telling shark stories around a campfire.

Another of these super-low budget films. It has some charming moments early on. But quickly run out of ideas and it becomes a real slog to the finish.

11. Son of Dracula (1943)

A vampire who may or may not be Count Dracula is invited to Louisiana by an heiress. But he has his own fiendish plans for this new world.

Lon Chaney Jr. is, without a doubt, the worst Dracula I have ever seen. He is the we-have-Dracula-at-home Dracula. He feels like Dracula's loser brother-in-law or something. I don't even know. It has it's moments, but it's a bit all over the place.

12. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)

While trying to save his soul from sin, nice guy Dr. Jekyll creates the alternate persona of Mr. Hyde. But things get tough for Jekyll when Hyde's transgressions start to get out of hand.

In terms of filmmaking this is pretty impressive. But in terms of story they made a really weird change from the book. Originally Jekyll was ashamed of his vices and created Hyde as an alter-ego to hide behind and protect his image. But here Jekyll wants to be sure he doesn't slip into temptation by unleashing an unchecked evil force onto the streets? I thought he was supposed to be smart.

13. The Bewitched Inn (1897)

A man goes to an inn for a good night's sleep only to find the place is haunted.

Back from the days where movies were only a couple minutes long. They figured out how to hide action in the cuts and by gosh...they went for it. It's fun to see such early movies to see just how far we've come. Truly we stand on the backs of giants.

14. The X-Ray Fiend (1897)

When a couple is exposed to x-rays we can see their skeletons.

Another short one from the early years. Not only harnessing the power of the cut, but also tapping into the strange new power of the discovery of x-rays two years earlier.

15. Titane (2021)

A dancer who has a fetish for cars must pretend to be the lost son of a firefighter in order to hide from authorities.

A French body horror and psychological drama. Taps into the genre of body horror to investigate ideas of gender, pregnancy, and identity. I honestly can't describe it in a way to properly due it justice. It's an experience. If your stomach can handle the body horror you should definitely check it out.

16. The Girl from the Other Side (2022)

In a world where cursed creatures stalk the outside world as people hide in the cities. One creature comes across a young girl and together they create a haven for themselves.

A beautiful piece of Japanese animation and one of my favorite movies I've seen this year. Dark fantasy meets found family. The animation is absolutely gorgeous. It's like a fairy tale come to life.

17. Dr. Terror's House of Horrors (1965)

A group of strangers meet on a train. But when a fortuneteller begins to tell their futures to pass the time they start to realize that their futures are bleak.

To its credit it has some powerhouse actors in its roster. Peter Cushing, Donald Sutherland, friggin' Christopher Lee! But it is an anthology of stories and the stories are rather lackluster. They all just kinda...end. With much more thought being put into the setup than the ending.

18. Werewolf by Night (2022)

A group of monster hunters are assembled for a contest to see who will gain control of a powerful artifact.

I was not aware that this was a Marvel movie until it started. Wish I had known that before. I was in the mood for a modern take on old Universal horror, and it some ways it is, but in most ways it's just another sort of Marvel movie. I swear Gael García Bernal is in a Spanish language movie it will be fire. But if he's in an American movie it will probably be simple pop. fodder. Would've like more atmosphere and monsters than action set pieces.

19. I Blame Society (2020)

An out-of-work filmmaker decides to prove to those around her that she is capable of something bigger by finishing a project to make a movie about how she would commit the perfect murder.

I get why this movie won't be for everyone, but I loved it. It had me laughing out loud throughout. And some of the shots from this are burned into my brain forever. It's almost like a dark-comedy mockumentary of sorts. And its satire seeks out those in every level of the filmmaking process.

20. Bluebeard (1944)

A man tries to ditch his proclivity for murder by turning his artistic energies into puppets. But those around him continue to force his hand.

It's not terrible or anything. But the Bluebeard character just annoyed me to no end. I would have preferred if we were mostly following the leading lady, but we're stuck following him and he is not a particularly compelling fellow.

21. Escape Room (2017)

A group of rich friends take part in an exclusive escape room for a birthday celebration only to discover that the stakes are higher than they were expecting.

I was not aware until I had started this that there are actually multiple movies with this title and this is, in fact, not the one I had heard about. Umm...this seems like it would be a fun one to watch with drinks and friends and laugh at. But it is not a good movie by any stretch. You are left with so many questions as to why they did the things they did in this thing.

[muddyorbsblr]

Holy fuck I'm smiling so wide and squealing and giggling so much from this chapter I have once again uttered the words "nobody touch me I'm sensitive" while on a Zoom call w/ my friends aaaaaaaaa (also those same friends are currently yelling at me bc they're reading the new relinquish chapter before I press post and they wanna kill meeeee)

With an impatient growl, he spun - lifting you effortlessly around his hips. You gasped, a giggle escaping as his features retained their set determination.

Pls I'm already weak over him being so excited to get her into his room that he just carried her instead, I mean bestie I would be giggling too 🫠

“Burn them, obviously.”

There's something about this line that just completely hit me so hard 🥺 Like he really had this elaborate plan and his contingency if it didn't go the way he wanted and he had her in his apartment was for him to literally set that plan on fire 😭 It felt like this really heavy silent statement of "I have no intention to use this with anyone else after you, so if you won't have me then no one else ever will." And it had me screaming. (insert that John Wick gif of him saying "noise complaint?" at Jimmy the cop because that'll be me soon enough)

“At the faire...I began to delve too deeply. I knew that you did not approve, I felt...guilty." He paused, surprised at his own revelation. "Was I wrong?” he added, brows slanted.

The way that he's just being so unashamedly honest with Agent after confessing that he loves her just has me so in my feels I can't even begin to describe it. Like there's no riddles, there's no double meanings, he's just articulating his emotions and that he made those decisions purely so that she wouldn't be upset with him 🥹🥹 I had tears blurring my eyes at this I'm not even kidding.

“You must understand I have never been most people’s favourite person. In this realm or any other. ” he said bitterly, avoiding your eyes as he twirled a strand of your hair around his finger. “Anyone’s favourite person, in truth. To be loved. It is rather a strange concept to me.” His eyeline staggered upwards, reluctantly meeting your gaze. “But I am trying.”

Loki’s finger pressed to your lips. “Do not apologise.” he murmured. “Just promise me that you shall not lie with him when you tire of me.”

And these two paragraphs, like the last 2000 years did him so dirty that he can't even think of living in a world where someone continuously chooses him above everyone else, and especially above his brother. Tire of him?? I demand a list of names I wanna know who I'm wishing an eternity of shitty luck for 😤😤

My love. You would never tire of those words from his lips.

Every time he said it just kept making me softer and softer like I am a mess, I am a puddle, and once again nobody touch me I'm sensitive from this iteration of Loki repeatedly calling us "my love" aaaaaaaa

The red dress that Loki had ripped with his hands and teeth from your body while he fucked you to oblivion in a jealous rage the night of the shareholder’s party swayed in front of you. Loki flicked his fingers, making it dance in the air. It was immaculate, even by his standards of repair. Except now, it was a rich emerald green.

Honestly this was such a sweet gesture from him and if I wasn't soft already this would've done me in and put me 10 feet under 🫠😩 Like just the fact that he kept it even though it was just a bunch of scraps already? And then he fixed it and made it green like that's it I'm writing from the great beyond--

“He put in a complaint with Tony.” you said, making Loki nodded sagely, lips pursed. The fact that Tony had, of course, told everyone, did not need to be stated to be understood. There was a pause.

I love this little dose of pure comedy over him finding out that she knows about Clint because Tony told everyone. Of course he did. I can just picture Stark going "Hold on Laufeyson turned you into a what? You were the horse?? Oh shit I gotta tell someone" and then proceeds to walk into the next meeting just going "Hey did you know that Barton was the horse in the ren faire?" 🤣

“Well, our misplaced animosity may not have been the smoothest path to encouraging a reformation of my admittedly devilish character-” Loki said thoughtfully, nestling his nose against the tip of your cheekbone. “-but your love might.”

Heaven help me he's so soft my little heart can't take it 🥹💖

This was such a fitting and heartfelt end to this series! And just such an amazing full circle moment where they started off in a mission where she could barely stand him because he was being just a little too much of himself and now we're here and he's telling her that he did that on purpose because he wanted to secure her attention even if it was in irritation. That was the very definition of 'tell me you're whipped without telling me you're whipped' an dI was living for every single moment of it 💖💛

I'm so happy we get to have an epilogue because it means we get more of these two being happy adorable and occasionally bickering lovebirds and I'm already all the way here for it. 👏👏👏 It's honestly criminal how long I've put this off but I'm so happy to be finally caught up. Such an amazingly put together story, fr you you should be all kinds of proud for creating yet another masterpiece of a series

Final Bids: Love Wins [Avenger!Loki x Fem.Reader]

Part of the Hostile F*cks Collection A link to my (new) Masterlist is HERE Summary: (20) A loved-up Loki has a surprise or two for you in his chambers. Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI. Smut. Hostile Fluff. Language. Biker! Loki 'fit cameo. (w/c 3.8k)

You and Loki hadn't stop kissing from the moment the elevator closed to the moment it slid open on the sixty-fifth floor. You had run out the main doors of the event suite with the stares of bemused looking spectators following you, the crowd parting. There was no looking back as Loki’s fingers grasped your own, knitted tightly.

He was still bare-chested, the button of his trousers still undone. Hair was wild, cheeks hot, smiles wide as cat-calls and ringing shouts of ‘finally’ followed far beyond the lavish foyer.

Your searching hands clawed at his naked back as he pressed you against the glass wall of the lift. Floor disappeared below, winding higher as you moaned into his open mouth.

“Come on…” he muttered, eyes flashing with mischief before yanking you out the open elevator doors and around the corner towards his rooms. His sanctuary. He strode ahead, making you teeter on your heels as you tried in vain to keep up. With an impatient growl, he spun - lifting you effortlessly around his hips. You gasped, a giggle escaping as his features retained their set determination. “You were taking too long. As usual. ” he growled, taking several more strides before slamming your back against his front door.

Loki’s hand at your back blanketed the impact as his lips ravenously enveloped your own. The god’s tongue swept inside your mouth, a mewl sneaking from your throat as you turned to messy putty beneath his possessive wiles. Somewhere, there was a low beep. The door fell open. Loki stumbled inside, holding you steady with one strong arm. His tongue never left your mouth as you groaned against him, his furiously hard cock pressing eagerly against your inner thigh. Reluctantly, he lowered you the floor, spinning you gently to face the room beyond the entryway. You gaped, taking in the lavish dark furnishings you had only imagined as you touched yourself beneath your bedsheets in the dead of night. Thick velvet curtains hung closed against the windows; green, of course. The scent of rich mahogany filled the air, shy curls of smoke wafting from dozens of candles set on the bookshelves which lined the living room. A fireplace that you were entirely sure wasn't to code suddenly roared to life in the corner. To your right, you could just see a sliver of a majestic bed-frame through the crack of a door. Looking back to the room at hand, you suddenly realised you had company. Of sorts. Nine mannequins were placed in a semi-circle at the far corner of the room, giving them the look of some sort of macabre council. Loki’s warm breath fanned your ear as he stooped to speak, noting your interest. “Do they bring back fond memories, darling?” he purred, making you shiver. The wetsuit, the biker ensemble, the kilt, the fencing pants, the captain’s uniform, the slutty caftan, the Tudor king, the wolf fur, the holy vestments – they were all here. “I thought you would appreciate a reminder of our journey together on this auspicious occasion.” he whispered slowly, measuring your reaction. You giggled, throwing a glance over your shoulder before moving towards them to investigate. “What would you have done with these if I’d not...you know, done what I did downstairs?” “Burn them, obviously.” “Obviously.” you replied dryly, pinching the edges of the wetsuit and running your fingers down thoughtfully. It feels like so long ago. “Although I was quietly confident that my masterplan would yield fruit.” he smirked, perching elegantly on the armrest of hi sofa. “Master-plan...” you scoffed derisively, gravitas quashed by the unshakeable grin stretched across your face. “Keep telling yourself that, Laufeyson.” Minutes passed as you inspected each piece while Loki watched in silence, a gentle smile on his lips.

“I thought I would allow you a choice of attire for us to consummate our truce.” he said, slowly rising and circling behind as you paused in front of the ravaged kilt hanging on its holder. "Truce? How romantic." you murmured sarcastically, hearing the tap of his dress shoes against the mahogany floor. The mannequins were an exact replica of Loki’s frame, you realised, running your hand down the rough woollen sash. You shivered, remembered the sight of his war-stained features surfacing between your spread thighs on the wet battlements. Loki’s hips pressed against your ass, his hard stomach moulding to the shape of your spine as he loomed behind you. “Can’t you see which one I’d choose, the whole mindreading-whatever-it-is?” you said absent-mindedly, snapping a long strap of the fencing pants for effect. Loki chuckled. “Oh, that." Loki drawled. "With some difficulty, I fashioned an enchantment so that I cannot see too deeply. I have cut myself off, as it were. It is only an aura of your mood that I have access to – and nothing to be done about that. Unless your love for me wanes, of course.” You turned, unable to disguise your shock. “What?! Since when?” Loki's features twisted in an apologetic grimace. “At the faire...I began to delve too deeply. I knew that you did not approve, I felt...guilty." He paused, surprised at his own revelation. "Was I wrong?” he added, brows slanted. “No I just…” you started sheepishly, biting your lip. Your eyes widened. “But some of the things you said in Rome, the little comments, the-” “About you wanting me, you mean?” Loki scoffed gently. He shook his head. “Any fool could see that, darling. My brother, for one.” You turned away, closing you eyes as you tried to process how unbearably in love with him you were. It felt like your heart would burst from your chest. He really is full of surprises. “You could have told me.” you said with a feigned air of annoyance, fingering the intricate embroidery of the sheer caftan. “And lose my advantage in our little tirades? I think not, Agent.” Loki purred, eyes burning with mischief. “Besides, I do not need magical abilities to read you.” You could feel his soundless approach, the warmth of his bare chest inches from your back. “Now choose, please.” he whispered, a wandering hand slipping around your waist. Your palm slid up his cheekbone from behind, pressing him against the crook of your neck. “I don’t need a costume, Loki” you whispered, turning. “I just need you.” The god chuckled into your hair. “Are you sure they didn’t help pave the way to your heart? I thought it would be...romantic.” You rolled your eyes. “Well they didn’t hurt.” You ran your eyes down the white captain’s uniform pressed neatly against its mannequin. “But really…” you said, sliding your palm over Loki’s shoulders. “I just want you, Loki. All of you.” The god’s brow furrowed, a bob in his throat as his mind fought to catch up. “I see.” he managed to say, catching on his tongue. There was a pause, as Loki’s stare searched yours. “Is it really so hard to believe?” you said, cupping his jaw. “That I love you?” Loki nodded once, his gaze lowered, lashes spread in a perfect fan against his skin.

“Why?” you whispered, knowing the answer. But it seemed important that he say it. He swallowed.

“You must understand I have never been most people’s favourite person. In this realm or any other. ” he said bitterly, avoiding your eyes as he twirled a strand of your hair around his finger. “Anyone’s favourite person, in truth. To be loved. It is rather a strange concept to me.” His eyeline staggered upwards, reluctantly meeting your gaze. “But I am trying.” “I know. I’m sorry about all the red stuff – the dress was an accident but the bra and the g-string I didn’t know-” Loki’s finger pressed to your lips. “Do not apologise.” he murmured. “Just promise me that you shall not lie with him when you tire of me.” You couldn’t help the gasp of laughter that erupted against his finger. “Tire of you?” you choked. “I don’t think that’s likely.” Loki raised an eyebrow, making your features straighten. “But I promise, I will not…” you wrinkled your nose, “...lie with Thor.” The god nodded regally, accepting your pledge. The tips of his cheekbones had flushed palest pink. “I love you.” you said softly, capturing his fingers as they brushed your collarbone. “I love you.” he replied with a shy smile. His voice was rich and warm, the tenor sinking into your soul like salve. “But it is more than that…” he added mysteriously, his tone deepening. You felt the familiar zing of arousal between your thighs, the eroticism of his power building in earnest. “I have burned for you, every cell of my being yearning uncontrollably since the moment you first cut me with that sharp tongue.” he murmured, sweeping hair from your neck. “It is a need, an obsession. And the obsession of a god is not easily swayed. I hope you are prepared for that.” His parted lips danced across your shoulder, as your hands slid beneath his armpits and between the muscled blades. “I could not bear to think that you would never be mine-” he growled, “not after all the times before, and never like this...never as-” “-Real.” you gasped, as he placed a gentle bite on the curve of your neck, a deep moan filling the space. “Real.” he echoed quietly, before placing a soothing kiss on the mark he had left. “I could not bear it.” His eyes met with yours, glassy with emotion. “I thought...that the only way to harvest the passion I desperately craved from you was-” “-by being an asshole?” you postured, raising your brows. Loki smiled sheepishly. “You gave as good as you got, darling.” he murmured, his hand beginning to toy with the zip of your dress. “Better, some might say.” you gasped, feeling the tug of your seams coming loose. “In your dreams, Agent.” Loki whispered, as your dress pooled around your ankles. “And besides…” he quipped, walking you backwards through the living room towards the king bed next door. “One cannot accuse us of being predictable.” “Perish the thought.” you said, as the back of your knees hit the firm mattress. Loki lowered his chin to his chest, the fire in his eyes that burned right before he fucked you smouldering with new intensity. “My love…” he hummed, possessively sliding his hands over your ass and squeezing. “My love.” you responded with a gasping groan, the curve of your lips cresting each vowel like a breaking wave. “Choose one.” he growled, a ragged moan vibrating in his chest as he slipped his hand inside your panties. “I must insist. For old times sake.”

Your eyes flickered to the row of mannequins just visible outside the door. “The b-biker…” you stammered, as Loki’s digits began to play lazily against your soaking slit. “Mmm” he hummed, knowingly. “I’m sure the garments for that particular ensemble isn’t the only thing you desire from it, my love?” My love. You would never tire of those words from his lips. You could feel heat rising in your cheeks as Loki’s suit trousers began to turn to scuffed black denim beneath your touch. The fingers digging into his back suddenly had a thin layer of fabric between his flesh and yours; the scent of old oil wafting from the cotton. Cool, heavy metal swung against your chest as he shoved you playfully back onto the bed, watching as a familiar vintage leather jacket unfurled over his torso. The god chuckled, seeing your legs widen as you drew your feet onto the mattress; sinking into the thick crispness of his duvet. He ran a hand through his hair, a trail of seidr rendering it wild. Your breath skipped as you saw the outline of the deep scar through his eyebrow form, ink flourishing on both sets of his knuckles. C.H.A.O.S. You shuddered, ass clenching. The crossed daggers flourished in all their glory over his heart, the edges faded as old tattoos do. Loki’s fingers toyed teasingly with the buckle of the studded belt, hanging sluttishly around his hips. “Do you want me to be a bad boy, Agent?” he growled, untamed hair falling in waves against his sharp cheekbones. “You’re always a bad boy.” you purred, making Loki wink before he cleared his throat. “Well, I better not disappoint then.” he postured, sinking into character as he lowered himself on top of you. The leather creaked against his biceps as he braced, the stretch making you clench as he descended on your mouth in a mess of teeth and tongue. You thrust upwards, the thin fabric of your wet gusset colliding with his belt buckle. Loki chuckled, scooping you upwards. He knelt on the bed, ass resting on his worn combat boots; shifting so only one of his denim-clad thighs sat between your spread legs. “Use me.” he rumbled, lowering his chin as he began to rock your hips back and forth. Friction made delicate skin sizzle as he set your pussy alight, every whimper met with enthusiastic sighs of pleasure and praise. “That’s it, darling…” he groaned as you grasped at his hard cock beneath the tight denim. Searching.

He was a mess of adulation, words unsaid for too long spilling from his lips with every flame of climax blossoming in your belly. “I’m for your pleasure, now.” he gasped, gyrating his hips as you rocked against his thigh. “Always...take it. Take i-it, my love. It’s y-yours. I’m..f-fuck, I’m yours.” Your nails dug into the leather covering his shoulders, marking the soft material as you came undone against him. “Loki...y-yes..uhhh” you moaned into his open mouth as he gazed up at you, rough ebony curls thrown back. One of your hands fell to his chest, catching on the loop of the pendant hanging against his heart. The slicing angle of Loki’s jaw was poised, lips parted. His eyes were wide, brow creased as you came with a grateful cry of his name. He continued to guide your hips back and forth while your grip tightened and then relaxed. You burrowed your face in the curve of his neck, noting the musk of Croatian alcohol and smoky bars that still clung there. “I do so love watching you cum…” he murmured shyly, as you began to pull wantonly at his belt buckle. “Well I love watching you cum” you said, pressing your lips together in a coy smile. “So I guess that works out, doesn’t it?” Loki’s hand ran through your hair, tugging your head back before he placed a messy suck to the pulse point. “Mine.” he growled breathily, as your fingers raced to undo his belt. “Leave it…” he muttered, making your hands fly to his leather jacket, forcing it roughly over his shoulders. It fell to the floor with a soft thud, the low thump of his combat boots hitting the floorboards making your whole body shiver. He shuffled backwards, standing at the foot of the bed.

“Are you ready, love?” he muttered seductively. You nodded, your feral desire barely contained as you bounced on your knees. Instinctively your fingers rubbed his violently hard cock through the rough denim, feeling for metal. The god hissed as your fingers caught against the tip. "Oh, it's there." Loki purred knowingly, whipping the belt from its holster and slowly rolling down the zip. You licked your lips, seeing the majesty of his pierced cock bob into view. Wordlessly you leant forwards, sucking the moist head of his manhood against your tongue with a calculated swirl. You tugged the silver barbell, flicking. Loki whimpered, steadying himself against the bedpost. “F-fuckk, darling…” he gasped quietly. “I shall n-never be prepared for that.”

The metal balls of his piecing were cool against the heat of your mouth, rolling them against your searching tongue as he groaned above you. A metallic taste rose against the warmth of his sweetness, the god's musk swirling intoxicatingly against the sharp tang of steel. Saliva leaked out the sides of the join, letting it coat his cock as you slid back and forth, sucking gently. Your lips tightened, the stroke of your hand against his thick, slippery shaft making his hips jolt. “Won’t l-last l-long…gods-” he rasped, gently winding the hand not steadying him into your hair.

Your own whoreish moans burned deep in your eardrums, mouth stuffed with his girth as you felt him begin to tremble. “D-don’t stop…” he panted, as you increased your pace. “Do you w-want me to cum in your...fuckkk-your mouth, p-precious one?” Loki stammered with difficulty, his breath catching as his hips began to tremble. You groaned enthusiastically, vibrations making his balls tighten. You heard a low crack of wood, Loki’s grip making the wooden bedpost split beneath it. A thundering moan ripped from above, hot cum flooding your tongue; dripping down your throat as you swallowed against the tip of his thick cock.

You released him with a messy pop, tugging once more at the piercing while gazing up at the dishevelled god with pure love. His bliss-drunk eyes lazily searched your face, hovering on the slick of his delicious cum coating your lips. He licked his own. “We can do the rest later, don’t worry.” you cooed, sitting up on your knees as you wrapped your arms around his neck. Loki chuckled, delicate skin creasing at the corners of his eyes. “Ah! About that-” he smouldered, before falling forwards and pinning you beneath him on the bed. “Gods have a very short refractory period. I’m delighted to inform you that we can fuck endlessly, if that is your desire.” There was a mischievous glint in his eye as he watched your jaw drop.

“You mean all this time we could have done it twice?” “More than twice, darling.” he jibed, feigning offence. “But to be frank, typically the mood had been ruined by one of your mid-coital insults by that point.” “My insults?!” you huffed, feeling his cock growing hard again against your thigh. Loki kissed you deeply, making your back arch as you felt the tingle of his seidr evaporate the rest of his biker clothes. He slid a finger through your folds, moaning appreciatively. “Wet, warm...perfect.” he muttered, curls grazing against your cheeks. You felt the metal balls of his piercing on the wide tip nudge against your entrance, the coolness tingling against your heat. Twin moans filled the air as he squeezed himself past the tight opening, Loki’s eyes rolling back before they fluttered closed. He bottomed out with a low pant of pleasure, a final thrust of his hips making the metal spheres tug against your deepest walls. The metal stud fastened to Loki’s pubic mound pulled gently against your clit, every slow roll of his hips making you rock into him. “Loki...f-fuck, I’d f-forgotten-oh god..oh g-god.” you panted, as his knees widened on the bed. The base of his flat stomach was pressed to your own, the thick veins running along his biceps bulging as he thrust into you in mind-altering waves. “Let yourself go, my love...there is no limit anymore. Not with us.” he praised, as your fingertips sank into the taut muscle of his ass. Effortlessly, Loki raised himself from his forearms; angling his hips so only the tip of his cock remained inside your wet cunt. “Loki...please” you begged, squirming beneath him. He smirked, beginning to make small thrusts against your g-spot. Your head slid back against the pillow, back arching. “Fuck-Loki...y-yess oh-god.” It caressed the swollen spot inside you, tingling with the urge to burst while the piercing rubbed on either side. It was heaven. “Cum for me, lov-ve.” he murmured, his voice breaking on the final syllable. Your hands fell back against the pillows, fingers curling around the antique brass railings of his bed-frame. Loki growled through shallow pants, his large palms cupping the joint of your hips as he guided you back and forth on his mighty cock. “C-come in me, Loki…” you whined, chin pointed to the ceiling as every muscle in your body screamed for release. "Own me, you fucking own me."

You were a writhing mess of pure sex, every swing of his hair; every harsh exhale of air from his throat a primal cacophony of lust and love. Both of your moans grew louder, the slap of his balls against your skin driving you over the edge as he unravelled. There was a sudden rush, a burning thrill of flooding climax as Loki’s shallow pants of praise blossomed to a thundering roar. The groan of his name from your throat was primal; threatening to shake his books from their shelves.

The god's breaths slowed, melting against you in a wet kiss before rolling to the side. His head hit the pillow with a muted thump. “Have I ever told you, that you're the best fuck I’ve ever had?” he panted. “No, I don’t think you mentioned it.” you quipped, resting your chin on his heaving chest. “That would be too complimentary, you were too busy trying to make my life hell.” Loki rolled his eyes with a smirk, wrapping his arms around your shoulders. “As I said on our first tryst, darling...indifference is the true insult.” He squeezed you tighter, before the amused smile faded. “There is one more past outfit I must show you.” he said tentatively, before frowning. “Return to you, actually.”

You sat up, propped on your elbows. “Oh?” you muttered, raising an eyebrow. “Although I have made one notable alteration.” he added, raising a hand and waving it gracefully in the air. A bright shimmer appeared at the foot of the bed, rolling downwards to reveal silken fabric fluttering suspended in the air. “Oh my god…” you whispered, eyes wide. The red dress that Loki had ripped with his hands and teeth from your body while he fucked you to oblivion in a jealous rage the night of the shareholder’s party swayed in front of you. Loki flicked his fingers, making it dance in the air.

It was immaculate, even by his standards of repair. Except now, it was a rich emerald green. “Loki-” you started, feeling a lump in your throat. Gently, his fingers tipped your chin to face him. “You have made me a better man, Agent.” he said slowly, enunciating every word. “Are you sure about that? I’m not sure Clint would agree. Or Amanda, actually.” you smirked, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose. “And enough with the ‘Agent’, you know how much it annoys me.” Loki laughed softly, sighing as he stretched his naked legs across the sheets. “Ah, so you heard about Barton.”

You let your eyes wander up his endless limbs, admiring the curve and dip of each perfectly carved muscle. “He put in a complaint with Tony.” you said, making Loki nodded sagely, lips pursed. The fact that Tony had, of course, told everyone, did not need to be stated to be understood. There was a pause. "And by the way, where is Thor getting a spare two million from to pay for you?" Loki smirked, rolling towards you with a fist propped innocently beneath his temple. "He's been putting off offers for a raunchy photoshoot with a well-known underwear brand for years, darling. I wouldn't worry." "Sorry, what was that you were saying about being a better man?" you goaded, holding back a laugh. “Well, our misplaced animosity may not have been the smoothest path to encouraging a reformation of my admittedly devilish character-” Loki said thoughtfully, nestling his nose against the tip of your cheekbone. “-but your love might.” You swung a leg over his hips, enjoying the exaggerated oof he released as you settled your core to his stomach. Your palm cupped his face, smoothing the silk of his jaw with your thumb. Loki tilted his head, raven curls a mess of tangles against the white pillowcase. “You’ll still always manage to irritate me, you know.” you said, as a smile played at Loki’s lips. "Just because I love you, doesn't mean I'm going to go easy on you." In a flash, Loki had you on your back, giggling beneath him as the warm comfort of his solid frame pressed to yours. “Likewise, my love-' he sighed happily against your sex mussed hair. He placed a firm kiss on your temple, thumb pushing back strands of damp hair from your forehead. “-And I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

A/N - Thank you SO SO MUCH for coming with me on this journey. What started with a humble slutty wetsuit has blossomed into our beloved arsey, impossible Loki and stubborn Agent and I hope you're as happy with this ending as I am :) There will be a lil Epilogue (coming soon) Part of the Hostile F*cks Collection

Tags @gigglingtigger @meowmeow-motherfucker @muddyorbsblr @imalovernotahater @avengersalways @littledark11 @lokikissesmyforehead @simplyholl @fictive-sl0th @thedistractedagglomeration @coldnique @holdmytesseract @jaidenhawke @silverfire475 @wheredafandomat @vbecker10 @imalovernotahater @thomase1 @morriggannlostinfandoms @marygoddessofmischief @sebstanwhore @xorpsbane @123forgottherest @peacefulpianist @maple-seed @yelkmelk @wheredafandomat @mistress-ofmagic @infinitystoner @goblingirlsarah @ozymdias @peaches1958 @your-taste-on-my-lips @lokidokieokie @kikster606 @peachyjinx @tbhiddlestan83 @trickster-maiden @skymoonandstardust @justjoanne242 @sidepartskinnyjeans @ladyofthestayingpower @wolfmoonmusic @brittbax @goddessofwonderland @smolvenger @lunarnights95 @superficialdomina @kaleenjackson @fictional-hooman

[mywifeleftme]

42: Aïcha Koné // Linda

Linda Aïcha Koné 1983, Shakara

Aïcha Koné has been a star in her native Côte d'Ivoire for over 40 years. Despite this, English-language info on her career is pretty sparse online—most of the top search results for her are from Ivorian columnists outraged in 2022 by her support for Assimi Goïta, who became president of neighbouring Mali following a series of coups d'état. If nothing else, she remains a significant enough local figure to get the Morrissey treatment. I can also tell you that she was the youngest of 15 (!) children born to a local aristocrat in Abidjan, the largest city in Côte d'Ivoire. Her father was Senufo, a West African ethnic group, and evidently Koné’s lyrics tend to be written in one of their languages. Online translators don’t have much support for Senufo, so my sense of what she’s singing about is minimal, but Senufo does borrow some words from Bambara, in which the word Linda translates to “wait for it,” so let’s go with that as the general vibe of this 1983 effort.

(As usual when reviewing African records, I end up reading a lot of sick ass lore that has very tenuous connections to the music, such as, “The Kulubele specialize as woodcarvers, the Fonombele specialize in blacksmith and basketry work, the Kpeembele specialize in brass casting, the Djelebele are renowned for leatherwork, the Tchedumbele are masters of gunsmith work, while Numu specialize in smithing and weaving,” or “Caryatid figures are seen as representations of the role of women as spiritual mediators and the Sandogo use them in ceremonies as symbols of this bilateral celestial discourse.” I’m so hungover right now I had to think about whether the ‘column’ in ‘newspaper column’ is spelled the same way as the architectural feature, so there’s no way I’ll retain any of this, and I’ve already played the album in full three times without getting to the music.)

Koné’s sound is an interesting one. Both sides of Linda open with joyous highlife-derived jams of the sort that swept northern and western Africa during the late-‘70s. “Djigui” (“hope” in Bambara) features some dazzling interplay between bassist Toure Aladji and guitarist N’Goran Jimmy Hyacinthe, and the sort of ebullient sax hits that would soon make Paul Simon and composers for cruise ship commercials an abominable amount of money. On the flip, the title track has a different flavour than the Ghanaian or Congolese highlife/soukous recordings I’ve heard thanks to the prominent sound of the kora, a stringed instrument that sounds like a harp played flamenco-style. In interviews, Koné has mentioned sensing a shared root between her own local Mandinka music and the mandolins of Greek dollar bin titan Nana Mouskouri, and those tastes show through particularly on “Linda” and the smooth tropical exotica of “Ile.”

Linda’s other ballads are sparse synth pop numbers not far off what American high school kids would’ve been slow dancing to at the time. ‘Pretty’ might be the best word for Koné’s voice—when she sings it’s easy to imagine the expression on her face. Most of the time that expression is the serene smile she flashes on the back cover of the LP, and it makes even the treacly “Mata” (the album’s dullest song and the only one Koné didn’t write) a perfectly soothing listen.

Linda’s an album I can happily flip over repeatedly as I putter around cooking or cleaning. The LP’s evidently scarce enough that until just recently Discogs only listed a 1990 cassette version (and only a couple of tracks are on YouTube), but it’s worth snagging if you’re into the style and come across it a fair price.

42/365