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numberonepapermaker32 · 5 years ago

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Buffy the Vampire Slayer Omnibus Vol. 1 Review

SPOILER ALERT!!!

01. All’s Fair

The opening story of Buffy the Vampire Slayer Omnibus Vol. 1. It was nice to hear/see Spike and Dru's dialogs, but there wasn't that much more to the story except it was another one of their adventures. I was kinda misled to believe it would be set during the Boxer Rebellion, but instead, the time of it was the Chicago World's Fair in the 1930s. It was short and not that fun, the theme of the crazy scientist with a wondrous machine was even a bit silly. I didn't much enjoy the artwork, either. Spike and Dru don't look like themselves from the show. All in all, a quick and somewhat fun read.

02. The Origin

I loved this volume!! I have yet to watch the Buffy movie, somehow I can't make myself. So keep in mind I read this without knowing the plot and the facts from it. Buffyverse Wikia says how this comic is ''considered the canon story that replaces the events of this movie,'' so it's fair to say it gives us the whole backstory of Buffy's life prior to coming to Sunnydale. It shows Buffy already fighting vampires and eventually finding out about her Slayer destiny. We get the complete info because, on the show, they glossed over that part: how Buffy was quick in adjusting to this new life, figuring out how in order to beat more vampires at once, she should seek a priest to bless water for her to use, etc. Just as with Melaka Fray, here we see how Potentials transform into Slayers, being quick on their minds and feet. Another important part was how she tried to talk to the school's guidance counselor about vampires and the dreams she'd been having, and he didn't even listen to her but instead talked about himself. This is indicative and shows some good foreshadowing for the show. It tells us at this very beginning how no one will believe Buffy to be a sane person when she mentions these ''shadow activities'' of hers. The word crazy gets tossed around a lot, which I strongly dislike. I hate the stereotypical gender roles that Buffyverse keeps on projecting. The girls are pretty and dumbsih, the boys want sex with the pretty girls. Other than that, I really enjoyed this issue. Very much so!!

03. Viva Las Buffy

Wow, this issue was excellent!! Really fast-paced and I read it in a single breath! It's a prequel with more of Buffy's backstory, but also Angel's and Giles's, which I loved! Randomly picked thoughts: 01. The only thing I HATED about this issue is Pike. I mean, he's utterly horrible! Again, Buffyverse displays some stereotypical gender roles, and those are painfully obvious in this story. Pike is constantly whining and worrying about how Buffy will not like him and how he's a nuisance when we know as well as he does, Buffy doesn't need that kind of crap in her newfound life as a Slayer! I mean, the dude tries to kill himself in front of Buffy and actually thinks it's a good idea and a valid way to help her because he's so self-involved!!! Thank the heavens he leaves at the end, urgggh. 02. Dawn is in this comic, which I'm not sure how I feel about, and it also contradicts the show and movie (as Wikia suggests). I don't like her as a character on the show, except for when she is there for Buffy emotionally. 03. There are many scenes in this issue, as well as the next one, where we get info about the marriage between Joyce and Hank. It's difficult to read, really, knowing what we know after we've seen the show. The strain is huge, and Hank is strict, cold, and distant. 04. I loved to see how Giles became Buffy's Watcher. The use of Dark Magics is also indicative and comes full circle in the episode about his Ripper days, The Dark Age. Oh, and Wesley and Gwendolyn Post are also here! :) 05. Angel's story is quirky, so to speak. He follows Buffy to Las Vegas to watch over her (as we learned on the show from his talk from Whistler). He calls himself Angelus for some reason... Like, doesn't that only happen when he's soulless? Whatever. Then he gets into this messy situation with the casino manager regarding his vampire factory and ends up going through a temporal portal that leads him back to the manager's backstory. It was so fun when he said ''...So would someone like to tell me why I'm the only thing here in color?'' LoL, way to be meta, Angel. This is a great comic and I would recommend it to all Buffy fans!!

04. Dawn and Hoopy the Bear

Oh my everloving lord, was this bad!!! Like, why would someone write and publish this in an otherwise great series!?? I'm only giving it 3 instead of 2 stars because the artwork is amazing. But seriously! Some guy who we don't even get to meet chants and calls upon a demon* to curse a teddy bear into killing the Slayer. A teddy bear. A. TEDDY. BEAR. Without knowing who or where the Slayer is. Dawn is just as irritating as on the show, yelling ''What about ME?'' All right already... The nice thing is that the bear protects Dawn because Buffy ran away to Las Vegas, so it's a lovely touch. The parents are getting more distant, so Dawn is kinda alone. Oh, but then?? The ending? The freaking ending?! ''...He came to life and became a real bear. But he turned out to be a naughty bear...'' ''Oh, Dawny, what an imagination you have!'' AND THEN: THE END!! And we see the bear sitting in a dark alley with a beer in his hand. Sorry, paw. WHAAAAAAT??! I mean, was this supposed to be funny?? It's horribly sad and wrong and why am I even thinking about this bear and why does this idiotic story bother me so much?? Omg... * The demon at the beginning looks a lot like the Asphyx demon that gave Spike a soul at the end of s06 of the show. I asked the folks over on reddit about it, but so far haven't gotten an answer. IF ANYBODY KNOWS ANYTHING, LET ME KNOW IN THE COMMENTS :)

05. Slayer, Interrupted

Yeah, this is the best installment in the Omnibus vol.1 collection, mainly because it completes everyone's backstory prior to the show's s01, after they all arrive in Sunnydale. This volume is set around Buffy's time in the mental institution which we learned about in s06 of the show, this gives us details. Basically, Dawn being Dawn, the insufferable idiot she is, goes on and reads Buffy's diary which makes their parents decide to send Buffy to a mental hospital. She can't possibly be sane if she's writing about vampires, right?? Urghh, Dawn. Anyway, the doctors set a diagnosis of a ''severe neuroses paranoia'' and ''a Messiah complex.'' Then they go on to decide she should get medication prior to electro-shock treatment. OMG... Like, did they actually do that stuff in the 90es still?? Eventually, we find out that, of course, the asylum is laden with the supernatural. The head doctor turns out to be the Rakagore demon who sires teenage brides. Yuck, again with this gender stereotype crap. BUT! This episode does raise some interesting foreshadowing. Buffy's problem with authority and the almost complete lack of faith from adults in general. There's this scene where she describes her childhood with her father. He reads her Alice in Wonderland (of course, what else, geez) and she then felt safe. The symbolism is clear even for Buffy and she raises an excellent point of how the word 'crazy' is just awful and plain wrong. Random thoughts: 01. Giles's story of passing this super-difficult test by facing his inner demons, or rather his younger self was kinda weak. However, I was happy to see how he and Buffy have other things in common, here namely father figure issues. 02. We get this short glimpse of Sunnydale Hight with Cordelia and Willow and that makes me super happy!! I wish there was more! 03. There's a couple of scenes with Angel and Whistler that are completely unnecessary because they give us no exposition whatsoever. 04. There's this great foreshadowing at the end when Buffy visits Alice in the hospital and offers her a Doublemeat burger.

#buffy the vampire slayer #comics #review

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burclay · 5 years ago

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The Accurate and True Account of Anathema Device Deciding to Fight God

In which Anathema decides that this apocalypse is utterly ridiculous and she'd like to take it up with the Almighty Herself.

AO3

The world is filled with people who would, given the chance, fight God.

Unfortunately, God does not have the time to listen to most of these people, much less fight them.

Anathema Device is different.

For one thing, she has Agnes Nutter’s prophecy book, and has spent her entire life up to this point in training to fill out one of God’s greatest and least effable plans.

For another thing, God rather likes her.

When Anathema was a child, she asked her mother why the prophecies were true.

“They just are,” her mother said. “The same way you always fall back to the ground, no matter how high you jump.”

“But who decided?” Anathema asked. “Did Agnes Nutter?”

“No,” her mother replied. “God decided.”

“God must not be very smart, then,” Anathema said, eyeing prophecy #2,349 (“In the yeare two thousande and eighteen, children will be dancing to the night of fort”).

“Don’t say that where she can hear,” her mother said, and Anathema never brought it up again.

But now there’s under an hour to the end of the world, and Anathema is remembering that day.

There is a part of her that stands by her words.

After all, the fate of the Earth has been left to children, brilliant and sweet children, but children all the same, and no kind and loving God would saddle children with this level of responsibility for the sake of a petty battle between Good and Evil.

And so, as alarms go off around her, Anathema decides: prophecies be damned.

“Fuck this,” she says, and Newt looks up.

“What?” he asks.

“I’m taking this up with God.”

She finds Adam, the sweet kid who’s also the Antichrist. It seems like a good first step.

“Adam,” she says once she finds him on a dreary patch of pavement, ignoring his friends gathered around. “Excuse me. Sorry. Do you have any idea how I could contact God?”

“How would I know?” Adam asks, and crosses his arms. His dog barks. Anathema falters.

“I just thought you might,” she says.

“Actually, you could try praying,” one of his friends says. Anathema tries to remember his name— Wesley or something like that. “If a God does exist, They might be able to hear you.”

It’s not a bad idea, really.

“Thank you,” Anathema says. “I’ll be going now.”

She stands in the middle of the air base, in the middle of the most open patch of grass she can find. It feels like the sort of place for prayer. Or maybe it’s just that it’ll be easier for God to see her if there aren’t any roofs or trees or anything in the way.

Assuming God is above, of course, but she can’t imagine any almighty deity wanting to live underground in the dark.

She’s never really been the praying sort. Having thousands of prophecies memorized means that she’s never had much use for hope or faith or anything else founded in uncertainty. She doesn’t really know how to begin.

She looks up.

“Get down here and face me!” she yells.

Nothing happens.

“Amen!” she adds.

There’s a sort of rumble around her. At first she thinks it’s thunder, but the storm that almost tore her cottage apart earlier has almost entirely subsided. After a moment, she realizes it’s laughter, a great, cosmic laughter that is felt rather than heard. Another moment, and she is no longer on Earth.

She looks around. She has, in the space of a split second, been transported to what looks like it might be Heaven— her feet are on clouds, blue skies abound above her, and there are great gold gates just in front of her.

They’re open. Unguarded.

Anathema only hesitates a moment before walking through.

Given the almost cartoonish version of Heaven she’s in, with the puffy cotton-ball clouds and gilded gates, she’s expecting to see a giant throne and an old man, larger than life, with a trailing beard and white robes.

She’s right about the white robes.

Not so much the giant throne.

God, or a figure Anathema can only assume is God, is sprawled across an armchair, reading a book. The overall effect is alarmingly human, despite the white robes. As Anathema approaches, God glances up.

“Oh, hello.” God’s voice seems to reverberate in Anathema’s mind.

“You’re a woman,” Anathema blurts out. It’s not how she planned to open, but to be fair, she was caught off guard.

“I’m the Almighty,” God says, sounding almost offended. “Do not assume I have a gender.”

“Everyone on Earth assumes You’re a man,” Anathema says.

God’s laughter shakes the clouds.

“One of My favorite jokes,” She says. “But this isn’t why you came.”

“No, it is not,” Anathema says. “I came to tell You that this apocalypse thing is ridiculous, and it needs to stop.”

“I’m not the one who started it,” God says, her voice velvety and smooth.

“You sound like a child,” Anathema replies. “I’d know, given that I’ve met some lovely children recently who are being forced to do Your job while You sit up here and act like one of them.”

“This is a battle between Heaven and Hell,” God says. “Good and Evil. I’m only a spectator.”

“So the Earth is going to be destroyed for your battle?” Anathema asks. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

“There’s no law saying I have to be fair,” God says.

“Then make one,” Anathema retorts.

God laughs again.

“You always have been one of My favorites,” She says. “Raised to follow My prophecies, but always wanting to argue. Very human of you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m human,” Anathema says. “And I’d like to know why You’re letting this happen. Your angels are involved, aren’t they?”

“They’re hardly My angels, these days,” God says. “Anyway, this is all a test.”

Anathema falters. She doesn’t feel particularly tested yet— only angry. Although possibly actively seeking a fight with God is a symptom of being tested. There’s only one way to find out.

“For whom?” she asks.

“The angels, of course,” God says. “I haven’t spoken to them in years. My fault, to be fair. But I fear some of them have strayed.”

“Strayed?” Anathema asks.

“Away from seeking My will and towards pettier concerns.”

“Pettier concerns,” Anathema repeats. “Like the apocalypse.”

“You’re getting it,” God says.

“Surely there’s a better way to do this,” Anathema says.

“Don’t worry,” God says. “I have reason to believe the Earth will come to no harm. An insurance policy, if you will. But it’s very complicated, and it relies, in part, on you being in your place.”

“People are dying,” Anathema persists.

“Trust in Me,” God says.

“If the world ends,” Anathema says, “I’m going to rip You a new one.”

“If the world ends,” God says, “I’ll be sure to expect you.”

Anathema blinks, and then she’s back in the room with all the computers and flashing light and Newt. It doesn’t look like much time has passed, if any, which is good, if she’s meant to be stopping an apocalypse.

“Did you manage it?” Newt asks.

“What?”

“Taking it up with God,” Newt clarifies.

“Oh,” Anathema says. “Sort of.” She looks at the bank of the computers. Pulls out a few prophecy cards. “Suppose we’d better avert this apocalypse.”

The world doesn’t end.

The world doesn’t end, and Anathema has a boyfriend now, which isn’t what she expected. But she had sex with him, and saved the world with him, and surely that means something.

But the next morning, she leaves Newt alone in her cottage and rides her bike to the air force base. Unfortunately, she has forgotten that the world has basically gone back to normal, including the guards pointing guns at any un-uniformed stranger biking up.

“Sorry,” she calls, and immediately turns her bike around. She goes to an open field instead, leaves her bike lying at the edge, and walks into the middle.

“Fine,” she says to the sky. “You know what You’re doing.” She pauses, then adds, “Amen.”

She blinks, and when she opens her eyes she’s back in front of God, who has gotten considerably further in her book.

“Hello again, Anathema,” God says. “I take it you are not here to rip Me a new one?”

“I just wanted to say—” Anathema pauses. What does she want to say? “How did the test turn out?”

“Mixed results,” God says. “I will be keeping a closer eye on My angels.”

“What happened to the horsemen?” Anathema asks.

“They have gone back to their lives,” God says. “Everything, for the most part, is continuing as normal.”

“I should go back, too, then,” Anathema says. “Agnes’s book is over. I can have a life now.”

“May I make a suggestion?” God asks. “One thing to do in your new life?”

“If you like,” Anathema says.

“Dump him,” God says.

Anathema blinks in surprise.

“Sorry, what?” she asks, but she’s already back in the field.

Later that day, a second prophecy book is delivered.

Anathema burns it with Newt, trying not to think about what God said. She is going to have a new life, after all. It’s her choice what to do with it.

A week later, she decides that her choice aligns with God’s advice. She really rushed into that whole relationship too fast, after all, and she’s realizing now that her attraction was based more on heat-of-the-moment-the-world-is-ending adrenaline than an actual attachment.

Besides, Newt snores.

He takes it well enough. Goes back home. Promises not to go back to his old witch-hunting ways.

And Anathema is alone.

She goes back to the field.

“You were right,” she says. “Again.”

When there’s no response, she sighs.

“Really?” she asks. “Going to make me say it? Amen.”

She is not transported.

Instead, God’s voice echoes in her head.

“You’re welcome.”

The grass ripples in the wind.

A strange warmth spreading in her chest, Anathema rides her bike home.

#good omens #writing #fic #anathema device #i have NOT read the book but i DO have strong feelings about anathema!#most of these are: she's a lesbian

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initiumseries · 6 years ago

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Did you like Faith ? I find her annoying, she fits the sexy evil bitch trope. they should have keep Kendra.

I have no real issues with Faith, but I have issues with her lack of development and character building on BTVS and to talk about Faith we can’t really escape talking about Buffy either. When we’re introduced to Faith in S3, Faith, Hope and Trick, they quickly establish that she’s a charismatic Slayer with a lot of identity and emotional issues. She’s also quickly established as a foil for Buffy, which is fine, but I needed more from Faith than what we got. When Faith kills the Mayor’s aid, then Mr. Trick, and goes to get a job with the Mayor, it makes no sense. Up until now, all we’ve seen is Faith attempting to find her place in the group, or at least with Buffy, and Buffy freezing her out, which is what leaves Faith vulnerable to manipulation in Revelations when the rogue Watcher woman shows up and sets her and Buffy on opposing sides. To Buffy’s credit, she does try to mend bridges with Faith, but by now it’s too late. But back to the whole Mayor thing, Faith just suddenly decides, what? Hey being good was too hard, fuck it lemme just join the bad guys? Really? Why? We don’t know enough about Faith for this choice to even make sense. She sides with the Mayor, then tries to seduce Angel…ok but again, why? Til now, Faith has showed nothing more than mild interest in Angel. So now suddenly she wants to steal him from Buffy? Ok but why? I think if, Buffy and Faith was truly supposed to be Othello and Iago or whatever, we needed to see more of Faith’s motivations, other than just a lot of lip-service-y lines and an episode like Bad Girls, where Buffy is “bad” and gives into termptation for all of 5 minutes (temptation that, before Faith SAID Buffy struggled with, we’d never actually seen her struggle with making the right choices and being the Good Guy at all) But suddenly Faith comes around and it’s all:

and “you can do whatever you want because we’re Slayers and my living my life like this tempts you, you know it could BE you and we’re just…supposed to take her word for it? Lol why? We needed to see Faith actively trying to take over Buffy’s life, turn people against her (instead of things just kinda happening that way at first), or at least cause Buffy to slip into a darker part of herself that she has to climb back from in a real tangible way, longer than like, half an episode lol. If we had gotten that, I think I would have liked Faith a bit more and believed her descent into the darkness, and her subsequent struggle ACTUALLY taking over Buffy’s life by taking over her body in S4 This Year’s Girl and her total wild behaviour and torture of Wesley and subsequent rehabilitation on AtS. To me she just gets more erratic and insane for no real reason and then this when her and Buffy have this “heart to heart” in s7.

I mean, that very well might be true, and Buffy’s initial tension with Kendra could be proof of that, but like, there were so many other things going on with Faith and Buffy that we need clarification on this being a whole “There’s only One girl in all the world” thing coupled with Faith’s issues. We don’t really get enough of that for me to buy Faith’s choices, which is unfortunate. She could and should have been more complex than she was.

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #buffy summers #faith lehane #ats

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youaremynewdream · 7 years ago

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Whatever our Souls are Made of

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” ― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights

The moment you turn ten years old, the first words you will hear from your soulmate appears as a permanent marking upon your left forearm.

When Shannon Hawke receives a less-than-ideal phrase as her bond mark, she must learn what fate truly has in store for her.

Read on AO3 here!

***

As a child, Shannon Hawke always thought that the idea of soulmates was so romantic. Every night before falling asleep she would beg her mother to tell her stories about her and her father's first meeting. Smiling, Leandra would tuck the giggling child into bed and recite the story the same way she had a thousand times before.

"When I turned ten I knew that my soulmate would be someone special. My bond mark said 'I'll protect you.' so I always knew that my love would be kindhearted, someone who wanted me to be safe. Of course, my parents were worried for me. My mark meant that I would be in danger, and in the world of nobility they always hoped for 'safe' bond marks such as 'Hello' or 'Nice to meet you'. " At this point Leandra would always lean in to the small child, as if telling her the most naughty secret, "But I didn't care. I would dream at night of dashing rogues, daring warriors, or valiant knights vanquishing foes just to sweep me off my feet." She tickled Hawke's nose and she laughed, pulling her blanket up underneath her eyes.

"And so, growing up I became increasingly disappointed by my fancy, safe noble life. Every party I attended after my 10th year was so dull. Parents would introduce their children to each other, hoping for a match to be found within a house of good fortune. I tried my best to be a good daughter for my parents, but the more people I met, the more I realized that my soulmate was never going to be a child of nobility. So, I became... more daring. I wanted to travel, to reach out to far spread worlds. Maybe my soulmate wasn't in Kirkwall, but in Rivain, Orlais, or Antiva!"

Leandra laughed, cuddling in close with her small daughter. "Well, I did start to travel. At least, as far as I could go without my parents having a heart attack. I would go further and further each time, making up excuses of study and suchlike. But then one day, I was traveling the coast with a few of my family's guards when a group of bandits appeared from nowhere! My guards were completely taken by surprise. One of them was instantly killed by an arrow to the back of his head, falling into the sand, and all I could do was stand there in shock! They began taking down each one of my guards, and one by one they fell, the poor souls. The bandits were too cunning, and once the guards were out of the way they turned their eyes, and weapons, to me. Suddenly I felt the fears of my parents rushing back into me. Here I was about to be killed, and all of it for nothing! But right when I felt the sharp, cold blade of the bandit's dagger, I finally heard the words I'd been waiting for."

Hawke poked her head back out from under the blanket, smiling, "I'll protect you!" Leandra rubbed her little head, smoothing her dark hair behind freckled ears. "Yes my darling girl. The bandits were blown back in an instant, dagger flying into the ocean! I felt a powerful presence beside me, and then those fated words: ‘I will protect you’. In that instant, I knew. I was speechless! This dashing mage was defending me, casting spells left and right to vanquish my enemies just as I had dreamed. And he seemed to have come out from nowhere! He managed to take down the bandits fairly easily, and when he turned to me I finally got to see my love's face. He was so beautiful." Leandra sighed for a moment, "He still is. All I could muster out was, 'You saved my life' and I could see the realization hit his face. He reached out to me with his left hand, and I accepted. When we brought our arms together we sealed the bond and the marks grew hot until they burned away into thin air, charmed by the old magic as they are. We were finally together, and it never felt more right. And that, my dear, is how I met your father."

Hawke smiled wider, and took her arm out from under her blanket. "Do you think I'll ever have a story like that, mama?" Leandra tucked her daughter back under the covers. "Of course, my sweet girl. You'll get your bond mark in a few years time, and one day you'll have a story all your own." She kissed her forehead lightly, quietly saying, "And when I'm old, you'll tuck me in every night and I'll beg you for the story every single time. Sounds good to you?"

Hawke giggled, "Yes mama."

Sounds wonderful.

***

On Hawke's tenth birthday, she waited with anxious anticipation as the black letters started to form on her forearm. It wasn't painful, but was odd to watch the script write itself, an ancient magic that was so different from that which her or her father practiced.

Bethany ran in, looked at Hawke and instantly ran back outside yelling, "Mama! Shannon's arm is changing! The marks are appearing!"

Leandra came back in, abandoning the laundry she had been working on. "Oh my darling, let me see!"

Hawke was staring at her arm, worried. What would it say? Who would her soulmate be? She's wanted this moment for so long but now that it was happening she was suddenly terrified.

"Your... men... a... are..." What an odd phrase to start with, but she waited as it continued. But after the next word, the fear increased twofold. "Your men are dead..."

Hawke remained silent as the mark continued to grow into more words. She looked away from her arm. Why would her soulmate say this? Was it to her? Was her soulmate going to kill someone she was with? Her mother lightly held her arm, studying it.

"It's done sweetheart, if you wish to look at the rest." She spoke gently, trying to reassure Hawke but when she looked it only made her feel worse. "Your men are dead and your trap has failed." Hawke bit her lip, and blinking back tears she looked up at her mother. "Mama... Mama, what does this mean?"

Leandra rubbed Hawke's arm gently, trying to remain as calm as she possibly could. After all, she always promised herself she wouldn't fret over the mark as her parents did, but this was... unusual. She sat down next to her daughter.

"It means exactly what it always does, these are the words your love will say when you meet them for the first time." Hawke jerked her arm away, the tears beginning to escape from her eyes.

"But this isn't a fairytale phrase! It talks of death and traps and what if they are a bad person! Mama make it go away." The tears flowed readily from her eyes now. Leandra hugged her daughter and clung tightly to her small frame.

"You can never know the context my dear, you don't know how this will happen or who they are. The Maker has a plan, and it's not always easy to tell what it is." She held her daughter's face and looked into her eyes. "Have faith, my girl. Everything will be alright, you'll see."

All she could do was hope that her mother was right.

***

Of course the blighted blight shitty blight blight thing was destroying Thedas. Just what she needed right now.

Hawke was a strong enough mage that by now she could cut a path through as many darkspawn that came her way, but it didn't make the task any less exhausting. Her mana was running low and panic started prickling at the back of her mind. If only father were here...

But he wasn't. Hawke gritted her teeth and kept moving forward, if not for herself but for her mother, her family. They needed her and she sure as dicks wasn't going to let them down, not now.

They met a woman named Aveline and her bondmate Wesley along the way, a templar no less. Hawke rolled her eyes and tightened her grip on her staff, but at least they were a reasonable sort.

However, just as she thought they might have a fighting chance, their luck fell out from under them.

Bethany.

For a moment all Hawke could feel was anger towards her sister. She knew Bethany shouldn't be the target of her fury, but she couldn't stop screaming childish insults in her mind

But she didn't mean it, not at Bethany.

She knew she truly blamed it on herself.

Leandra cried. Her baby girl was gone in an instant, the echo of her life still etched on her arm. Her soulmate apparently would have said "I'm sorry."

Fitting.

All they could do now was continue to move forward.

***

Kirkwall was a fucking mess.

Hawke tightened the wrappings on her left arm. She had worn them for years, but it had become more of a necessary in this shit hole of a city. Ever since first receiving her bond mark, her mother suggested the wrappings. It kept her focused on her life without the constant reminder of the manner in which she might meet her soulmate.

It helped. But every time she had to change the wrappings it only stung her more as a child. By now, at least she was used to it, she didn't have the fantasies of meeting some gallant knight in shining armor like she did when she was young.

At this point she just wanted to keep her friends and family alive, and apparently throwing herself into the deep roads was going to be the best way to accomplish this.

Fantastic.

Varric might not have been a knight in shining armor, but at least he had a sense of humor. Traveling around Kirkwall doing odd jobs and cleaning up the streets for coin was no walk in the park but Hawke was used to it by this point. It's how you got by here.

So when she met a random dwarf named Anso, she hadn't expected anything different. Fight some people, grab the goods, get the coin. It was routine by now.

Except of course this mission would go wrong. After fighting a dozen or so guards, Anso's goods were nowhere to be found, chest empty. Hawke sighed. "Well. So much for that."

And of course, when they returned to the streets, a few dozen more armed men came for them. "Oh so it's a party!" Varric laughed as him and Carver took one side of the street and Aveline and Hawke took the other.

They cut through them pretty easily, only minor injuries. "Be wary, there might be more up ahead." Aveline was always cautious.

A man walked towards them full of pride and command. "I don't know who you are, friend, but you made a serious mistake coming here." He glared at them menacingly.

Hawke tightened her grip on her staff, ready to gut the bastard. He cried out, "Lieutenant I want everyone in the clearing, now!" He smiled like he had already beaten them, but the sound of a man stumbling, bleeding to death behind him dampened that thought. He fell down with a word, "Captain!" Poor soul. Hawke shook her head, whoever had messed this guy up was good.

And then she heard it. The words she'd cringed at for years, wrapping cloth around them to hide from the world.

A dark, handsome elf with strange markings walked toward them, and addressing the Captain, "Your men are dead and your trap has failed." Hawke's heart fluttered immediately. Could it be? Here? And he wasn't addressing her? But surely she's never seen this elf anywhere before, so this is their first meeting...

The elf continued, "I suggest running back to your master while you can." He was beautiful. His hair was a silvery white, and clashing with his skin. Hawke's heart seemed to beat a bit too loudly, could it really be him?

The captain suddenly grabbed him, "You're going nowhere slave!" And that's when the elf turned blue, and with one swift motion reached in, and pulled out the captain's heart.

"I am not a slave." He crushed the heart and threw it on the ground. Hawke stared at it for a moment. "Holy shit." It was all that she could mutter.

It took a few seconds for her to realize, that if this really was her soulmate, the poor man had to have "holy shit" written on his arm.

Typical.

***

Hawke got through the encounter with her bond mate, now known to her as Fenris, without much more incident than a few sideways glances from her brother and Aveline and a promise of another meeting to search for a slaver.

And if Fenris noticed anything regarding their bond mark, he sure didn't make any indication of it to Hawke.

They managed to make it back to Varric's room at the Hanged Man before anyone touched upon the topic.

Aveline closed the door behind them and once it clicked shut, "Alright. Talk."

Hawke faked ignorance, "Whatever do you mean?" Aveline sighed and walked over to her. "You know exactly what I mean, Hawke. I may have only known you for a year or so, but I know what your bond mark says, and that was it."

Hawke sighed. "Who knows, you hear the phrase 'Your men are dead' all the time nowadays. It must be a Tuesday..."

Carver looked at her from across the table. "Sister... you have to talk to him. You know it's him, just do it."

Hawke stood up and walked over to the wall. Why was she so nervous about this? "I will, I promise. But please just... let me do this on my own time alright? I just met him and... I don't know something doesn't feel right." She sighed and turned to leave. "I'll handle things, but it's my mark, my decision. I'll do what I like with it."

***

He hated mages.

That was it, that was the zinger she could feel when they met. Of course he hated mages, he was tortured by them for as long as he could remember. She tried not to show that she was hurt, but it did. She wanted to tell him, but what would he do? To learn that your soulmate was someone who you despise? No no... she couldn't do that to him. Maybe it was best to just leave him be. Why should a mark tell people what to do anyway?

The others left her alone. Varric had a similar issue with his so he didn't even need to say anything to confirm it.

But Carver? Of course he was going to be a pain in the arse.

"You going to tell mother you're ignoring your bond?"

"No, and leave me alone."

"Oh come on, you've wanted this your entire life and when he's finally here, you just ignore him?"

"He HATES MAGES Carver! He's said so! He puts up with me but how could he love one? This must be a mistake, maybe his mark doesn't say what I said, this could just be a mistake. One I'm not going to make a fuss over."

Of course, she did.

***

It was a couple months before she mustered up the courage to talk to him. He was beautiful, kind, and even though he had his thing with mages, he seemed able to change.

So she took a leap.

She had visited him in his mansion a few times before, just to talk or hang out, but when she saw him this time she couldn't help but be nervous.

"Fenris?"

Fenris nodded from the chair where he was pouring himself a glass of wine. "Hawke."

She watched him for a moment, thankful Fenris wasn't afraid of silences. She could feel her heart in her chest, though she desperately wished it would shut up. He grabbed another glass and hesitated before pouring, looking up momentarily to lock eyes with her.

She nodded in agreement and sat down across from him as he poured her a glass. "It's a good thing I'm fond of wine, Danarious sure did leave plenty behind. I'll gladly drink it all if it puts him out of anything," Fenris said bitterly.

Hawke raised her glass, "Sounds like a good cause, sign me up."

They clinked glasses and drank in silence for a while, Hawke kept turning over how she would bring up her bond mark, but she had no idea what to say.

After the first round of drinks were finished and Hawke had eagerly accepted the second glass, Fenris finally broke the silence. "As much as a pleasure it is to share wine with a beautiful woman, I'm sure you didn't come here simply to stare at the bottom of your glass." Hawke rubbed the stem of her wine glass anxiously, "Ah yes, of course."

She took a breath as he waited patiently. "I er, was curious, Fenris." She set her glass down so she could writhe her fingers under the table. "Do you have bond marks in Tevinter?

Fenris furrowed his brow for a moment in confusion. "Bond marks...? "

Hawke tried to explain, "They appear on your left forearm, and says the first words of your-"

"Ah! yes. We call them Tusvatin, or soul writing I suppose in your language. Why do you ask?" Fenris tilted his head.

Hawke looked down at the table and mustered up what courage she could. "Well, I had just wondered because you always wear gauntlets, so I never saw if you had one or not, have you found your... person or...?"

Fenris chuckled for a moment. "You actually think they teach slaves to read? They purposefully keep our marks a secret from us so we focus on our lives under our master. My lyrium markings even run over my Tsuvatin, though I'm not sure what it says. I've never even asked anyone what it was honestly."

Hawke looked up at him then. "You never were even curious? Not even now?"

Fenris stood up and paced. "And why should I be? Perhaps I was before I received these markings, however that's besides the point. Living under Danarius, the thought of it barely crossed my mind. How could it? My life had one purpose: to serve. To exist. So I did. If it wasn't for the others running around gossiping about their Tusvatin then it probably would have escaped my mind entirely."

He stood by the fireplace, staring into the flames as if searching for something. "I suppose I was curious on occasion. It's hard to not think of... the possibility of enjoying another's company. But when you're a slave you learn to push those thoughts out of your mind."

Hawke stood up and walked slowly to the other side of the fireplace, afraid to get too close. Leaning against the banister, she said softly, "But you've escaped years ago, you aren't a slave anymore. Have you not been curious since that time?"

Fenris was quiet, continuing to stare into the fire. "I suppose so. Being away from Tevinter has given me... options. More than I ever thought I would have. But still..." He looked up at Hawke. "Even if I were to know, or find whoever my Tusvatin matched, why would they ever want to be with me? I'm an escaped slave with these horrible markings and hatred etched into my skin. Who would want to be with that?" He turned away from Hawke. She reached out to comfort him, but his markings flared and he shrugged away.

Seeing the pained expression on Hawke's face, he softened and shook his head, sinking down onto the bench.

"I apologize, I'm just not used to people... being close to me... I've never really had a friend before. Not that I can remember anyway."

Hawke sat down beside him. "If you like, I could tell you what your mark says, just so you know. Only if you want me to of course."

Fenris looked at his arm, and sighed. "Alright. I might as well know." He placed his forearm in her lap as she undid the fastenings.

His lyrium markings covered up most of the words, but she was able to make it out.

Her heart skipped a few beats. "Holy shit..." she whispered.

Fenris looked at the mark, waiting for a moment before asking, "Well, what does it say?"

Hawke breathed a small laugh. "I said it actually, it reads 'Holy shit'."

Fenris chuckled. "Is it so? Well that could be anyone looking at me for the first time honestly. I'm quite the terror to behold."

Hawke didn't know what to say... she bit her lip. Thankfully Fenris spoke again.

"And since you are all about curiosity, may I ask you what your Tusvatin says? We've only spoken about me, but I see you wrap your arm up as well."

Hawke let go of his arm and hesitated. "Of course.... I suppose I owe you that much after hounding you with personal questions anyway." She unwrapped her arm bandages and looked at her bond mark again, reading it just to make sure those words that appeared so many years ago were truly still there.

But there they were indeed. Shining the same way they did many years ago when they first appeared. But now... maybe it was okay. It felt right.

Fenris reached out and touched her arm. "Yours is much longer than mine, I see why you wrap it so. What does it say?"

Hawke chuckled, then sighed as she repeated the words she'd seen so many times. "Your men are dead and your trap has failed." She paused, waiting to see if realization would hit Fenris. He was frozen, thinking intensely. Finally he spoke.

"I... that sounds familiar..."

Hawke rubbed the mark with her other hand, avoiding his eyes. "I... you said them. When we first met."

Fenris stiffened. He opened his mouth, closed it, then muttered, "And then... then you said..." Hawke stayed silent, fearful of... of what she wondered? Rejection? or acceptance?

But to her surprise, he chuckled again. "Holy shit indeed." Fenris reached for her right hand. She allowed him to hold hers, but she still couldn't look him in the eye.

"Hawke... Shannon. Look at me." She finally lifted her head to match his forest green eyes. "Why didn't you say something before?"

Hawke shook her head. "I... You said you hated mages, and after everything they have done to you I thought you never would even want... me.. or I don't know. I was a coward. I just didn't want to be another mage that hurt you."

Tears welled up in her eyes. Fenris's free hand cupped her cheek. "It... it is hard for me. But... you are different Shannon. I don't know how... true these markings are but... I'm willing to give it a chance if you are."

Hawke chuckled as she looked into his eyes again. Reaching out for his left hand with hers, she held on and lifted his hand up.

"I am."

They placed their forearms together, initiating the bond as the magic whirled around them.

Kissing Hawke's hand, Fenris whispered, "Then I am yours."

#my writing #dragon age #daII #dragon age II #fenhawke #fhawris #soulmate au #soulmate identifying marks #fanfiction #dragon age fanfiction

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moontyrs · 7 years ago

Text

Price of a Soul

Words: 4,374

Chapters: 2 of 13

Language: English

Fandoms: Angel the Series

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Some violence

Characters: Faith Lehane, Angel, Cordelia Chase, Spike, Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Lindsey McDonald, Lilah Morgan

Synopsis: Season 1 of Angel, Faith arrives but with a friend. The team must deal with the fallout of past failures as enemies become allies

Angel had gone to the apartment below to make the call, which was taking quite awhile. At least that’s what Cordelia thought as she was pouring over books that had absolutely no information on a rogue slayer. She raised her head and winced, rubbing at a kink in her neck that was quickly developing. Frowning at the book as though it did it on purpose, she sighed heavily and closed it loudly. With a look around she saw that Wesley didn’t even notice. She leaned with her chin in her hand and tried again, a louder, longer sigh. Still nothing.

Just as she was about to clear her throat Angel stepped back into the office. His steps were slow and his head was down. She perked up and threw a pen at Wes to get his attention.

“Angel? Any news?” she asked carefully.

With no answer and not even a glance in their direction, Cordelia looked to Wes who tried again. Clearing his throat he stood up from the desk. “We, haven’t found much yet, did you have better luck then?”

Angel lifted his head and then sat down heavily in the large chair. “They know. In Sunnydale. Actually, it seems she woke up and went right for Buffy.”

Wesley and Cordelia exchanged a look and both moved from their positions to stand near Angel.

“She’s, all right isn’t she?” Cordelia asked. She knew that in the end, everything they were doing, helping Angel with this path, was to lead him back to her. Angel finally seemed to snap out of whatever he had been thinking and nodded, running a hand over his face.

“The Mayor, had a plan for her. Some device that allowed her to switch bodies with Buffy. When the Council came for Faith and actually grabbed Buffy, in her body, she was able to convince them of the truth. They destroyed the device but she did a lot of damage.”

Cordelia winced, who knew what kind of damage she could do while people thought she was Buffy, and honestly she didn’t want to try an imagine it. Wesley on the other hand was already sweating.

“What, I mean, what did she do? Is everyone, safe?”

Angel leaned forward, his elbows on his thighs and gave a rather sad sort of chuckle, that was worrisome. “Yeah, I mean, she, she got caught rescuing some people in a church. Before that she uh, slept with Buffy’s new boyfriend though.”

Then they understood. Cordelia sat on the edge of the arm of the chair and put a hand on Angel’s back.

“I’m sorry. I, didn’t know she’d started dating.” For the first time, Cordelia was a little lost for words, though she had plenty for Buffy.

Angel sat up again and allowed Cordy lean her head into his. “She’s, moved on. I had to talk her down from coming here to kill Faith. She told me, she told me that she moved on, and that it’s new and good and better. Because she can trust him.”

Cordelia’s eyes narrowed and she sat up, opening her mouth to let loose, but Wesley stopped her with a clear of this throat.

“I, am sorry Angel, but Buffy is young. She is living her life, which is what you both wanted. At this point, I think we should put our energies elsewhere. Like, finding Faith.” His voice was reassuring but with that slight tinge of authority meant to guide. Cordelia could have overridden it with her own diatribe but the phone rang. She glared at Wes almost demanding he answer so she could talk to Angel, but he simply stared her down and she stood up with a grumble. With a growl of frustration Cordelia reached for the phone.

"Angel Investigations we help the – " Her usual bright eyed and big smiling response fell into a look of confusion then a frown. Suddenly both men were interested. Angel stood and Wesley removed his glasses leaning forward. With a lick of her lips, Cordelia held the phone out for Angel. "It's, for you."

Angel looked at the two of them then reached for the phone. "Angel."

Wesley's questioning look was met with her shaking her head, still confused. Most of the conversation was simply Angel humming in assent or nodding. At least the part they heard. Finally he hung up and stared at the phone a moment. Then he went for his coat, the two trailing behind him.

"Well?" Cordelia asked anxiously.

Angel turned back to them as he looked through the weapons. "It was a tip. Wolfram and Hart hired Faith, and set her up in an apartment. I'm going to check it out." His voice had gone monotone. Dark and determined.

Immediately Cordelia went to reach for the small crossbow in the weapons. "Not alone you're not!"

Angel grabbed her arm and stopped her. His face softened a bit as he looked at her and at Wesley. "Yes I am. I'm taking the sewers, this is only a visual. No fighting, and I don't want you two getting hurt. Wes, keep an eye on her, I'll be back soon." He turned and left as Wesley stepped up by Cordelia, who was already crossing her arms over her chest unhappily.

"He is just making sure we are safe."

"Says you! Wes he shouldn't be out there by himself and you know it. Especially after that phone call."

He sighed and nodded. He knew she was right, that they should stick to working as a team, but he was hoping Angel was truly just checking out a tip and not dealing with the issue alone. In truth, he was worried about how dangerous Faith could be.

"Well, I guess we're back to research." He stated with a small smile. With an audible groan Cordelia lowered her arms and let her head fall back onto his chest.

"Fine. You go get all those dusty books and I'm ordering lunch."

*************

Faith had done quite a bit of legwork. She knew the area, she knew Angel’s usual haunts, she also knew where he went for information and who squealed to him more often than not. So getting the information to Angel was a piece of cake and he took it like a kid on a sugar binge. They knew timing was everything and so waited just long enough for Angel to be too far gone to run back for anything and for the other two to get comfortable. They would be in the office and they could easily slip into the building to look for the right moment to pounce.

Meanwhile, Wesley had books set aside for Cordelia, he had found some old records of rogue slayers, and was hoping to find some information on how to deal with them. Other than death that was. There had been a few of course, and the Council typically dealt with them quickly. They had to. Not having an active slayer was bad enough. Having one that did more harm than good set them back. The only reason they hadn't been more intent on Faith was that they still had Buffy. Of course, as Faith was activated after Buffy, killing Faith would just call another slayer. Which complicated matters. What he was finding wasn't good. There had been no attempts at rehabilitation in generations. The ones they had made had failed miserably. Hearing soft footfalls he didn't raise his head, he only raised a hand to gesture behind him.

"Ah there you are, Cordelia would you hand me the Compendium behind you? Thank you."

He heard the book slide from the shelf but as he raised his head, he was blinded by it. His head snapping to the side and smacked into the desk, bouncing off of it. Stars burst behind his eyes and he blinked confused. There was no time to adjust as fingers dug into his scalp, pulled at hair and yanked his head back. Faith grinned down at him. She had not seen Cordelia and so she and Spike had slipped in, going in separate directions as they stalked their prey. Wesley asking for a book had made her shrug, after all, live by the book, die by the book, right?

"Hey there Wes. Long time no see, how's that watcher thing working out for you?"

He opened his mouth to answer and she slammed his head down again. This wasn’t really a discussion. Not as far as she was concerned anyway. "It was rhetorical. You know what rhetorical means right? Like a watcher protecting his slayer? Rhetorical, means, not, doing, shit." Faith bit out.

While the end goal may have been breaking Angel, right now she was concentrating on his team. More importantly, Wesley and she had plenty of hard feelings of her own to work out.

Wesley groaned, he couldn't help it. He felt blood trickle over his left eye and his glasses had broken and laid on the desk in pieces. She leaned to his ear and he shivered. "Call in your friend. She's gonna want to see this." Faith smiled politely.

Wesley knew what she meant. Cordelia, she was grabbing food and wasn’t in the office just yet. So she was safe. As long as he could keep Faith occupied anyway. Shaking his head, hope flared that he could take care of this himself. Worse case, he was going to end up mighty bruised, but he just had to keep her busy until Angel came back. He realized Faith would have some unresolved hostility towards him, but it just truly hadn't occurred to him how much, or how dangerous it was. Unfortunately, there was no way to warn Cordelia, to keep her away and within moments he heard her voice.

"Hey Wes, I hope Chinese is okayyyyyyyy" Cordelia sang out as she rounded the corner to the office. Walking in she froze, eyes had gone wide and quickly she dropped the food and looked for the nearest thing that could possibly be used as a weapon.

Wes coughed and jerked his head from Faith’s hand, Faith immediately jerked his head back to stare at the ceiling, neck stretched back so hard he could barely breathe. "Cordelia, run! Now!" He managed to croak out and panicked when Faith loosened her grip and mimicked him.

"Cordelia, run." She whined at her. Letting go of Wes she stepped behind him, hands at his shoulders, digging in and leaned her face against his. “I dare ya.”

Wes winced, he wasn’t sure what was going on but he didn’t like it. He hoped that she really was letting Cordelia go. Perhaps as a message to Angel. He stared at her and mouthed the words please.

Cordelia was torn. Sure, she could run, no way she could take Faith, but that slayer bitch had Wesley! She could maybe at least distract her right? Grabbing a coffee mug she threw it at Faith’s face and ran for her, but Faith was faster. Stepping aside she knocked Cordelia to the ground with a punch to the gut and then shook her head.

“Wow, I knew you weren’t bright but I didn’t think you were downright stupid. One last chance, run.” She added in a hiss.

With a glance to Wes she pushed herself up to standing. He was swaying in his chair, bleeding from the head. Oh she’d run all right. Right to the weapons. She started backing up and Faith just smiled at her. Probably should have been her first warning. Still once close to the door she spun around to run for the weapons, only to run right into someone’s chest. Hands grabbed her upper arms and pinned her in place, she hoped it was Angel but she already knew it wasn’t. Pulling back, she couldn’t budge, the hands were so strong. Shaken slightly she glanced up, right into Spike’s face.

"Well well, always did have a thing for cheerleaders. Gonna scream for me pet?" He purred at her.

Shivers ran over the back of her neck and she swallowed hard, she wasn’t going to scream for him, but it wasn’t from pride. Spike had turned her around and wrapped an arm around her chest, pinning her arms. A strangled sound came out and her head was yanked to the side. His face was in her neck and she closed her eyes just waiting for fang.

Faith took a knee in front of Wesley and made a kind of ‘tsk tsk’ noise as she pushed the blood from his eyes and held his chin so he was looking at the scene behind her. "So here's the deal, Wes. As long as you don't scream, we'll leave her alone. You scream, you beg, then we'll leave you alone. And start on her. Got it?"

Wes tried to nod, his head was killing him. It felt three times larger than it should be. He looked over at Spike, he hadn't bitten her, not yet. He had to find a way to get them to leave her alone. "Just, leave her here and I'll cooperate It’s me you’re angry at Faith."

Spike licked along Cordelia’s neck, causing her to wince in disgust and try pulling away. He had her head pinned in place and he stared at Wesley and Faith. "What and give up fresh blood? I hear those visions make the blood, tasty."

Cordelia felt the sharp intake of breath before she realized it was hers. Eyes widened slightly and she looked at Wesley, truly afraid. They knew about her visions, they were prepared, she didn’t see how either of them were getting out of this. Her fears were realized when Faith shook her head and pulled Wesley’s chin down to look at her.

"Oh no, you both get to come for the ride. But, wouldn't be very fair for us not to invite your boss right?" With that she got up and pulled out a knife. Grabbing Wesley’s hand she pulled the blade along his palm and Cordelia squeaked. Faith just rolled her eyes and Spike licked his lips. Grabbing an empty mug from the desk she pulled Wesley’s hand over it and made it into a fist, letting the blood fill the bottom of the cup.

Dropping his hand she turned on Spike and Faith, pointing the blade towards Cordelia. Spike shook his head. “Sorry luv, not wastin’ a drop o’ this. Will knock her out for ya though.”

With that he bounced her head off the door frame and picked up her limp body. Faith looked at Wes and with no warning, backhanded him and he went limp.

*************

Angel had decided to sneak through the sewers to the apartment building. Hoping to catch Faith off guard, she was dangerous, most slayers were. The difference was he knew the last time that he’d seen her, she had been mentally unstable as well. Which was an even more dangerous situation. He wanted to believe there was hope for her, had tried before to help her. The thing was, Angel knew that you couldn’t help those that didn’t want your help. You couldn’t save everyone, as much as you might try.

He came up the back of the apartments and took to the fire escape, still in the shadows of the building. He knew it was on the fourth floor and he wasn’t taking any chances that she had the halls and stairs ready for him. As he got up to the right floor he found a window cracked open and went to check it out. It overlooked the hallway, and not an apartment, so carefully he pulled the sash open farther and slipped in. The first thing he noticed was that it was quiet. Too quiet, as if no one had lived in the building for a long while. It was the kind of silence that was stale, letting you now it hadn’t been disturbed. The layer of dust didn’t do much more to make him feel good about the situation.

Pinpricks ran up the back of his neck, it screamed trap and he knew he couldn’t turn back now. He needed answers, he needed to get to Faith before she went too far. 4G, that was the apartment he was told about and it was at the end of the hall. He slowly made his way down to the door and halfway down the hall noticed a note on the door. Every muscle in his body tensed up as he told himself it wasn’t for him. It wasn’t part of a trap. As he got up there his eyes scanned the message and he yanked the paper from the door. The handwriting was too familiar and made the whole situation even more dangerous.

Guess who joined the party? Just like old times, mate. Too bad you're neutered, we could have had a lot of fun. No worries though, your friends will keep the slayer and me company till you're ready to join in. P.S. Never did tell me, what's it like breaking a seer?

He crumpled up the note and ran, diving through the window at the end of the hall and jumping down the four flights to the ground. Hitting hard he rolled with the impact. He had to get back to the office. It had definitely been a trap, it just hadn’t been for him.

The sewers would be fastest, so he ran through, water splashing around his ankles as he took the now familiar route back to his apartment in the basement of the building. Rushing into his own living quarters he didn’t bother with the elevator but took the stairs two at a time to the office. He knew withing feet of the door that he was too late. The smell of blood struck him hard, like a slap to the face.

"Cor! Wes!" He called out, in hopes that one of them were there, that both were still alive. All that greeted him was a deafening silence. His call echoed off the walls as if mocking him. He had been so intent on the trap being for him, that Faith was there for him, that he had truly hoped that by keeping the other two away, they would be safe. Especially if he left them at the office. The office was safe, it was his home, it was their sanctuary, now it had been violated in the worst way.

The familiar smell of Cordy’s perfume and Wesley’s books was all but obliterated by the smell of fear and blood. As soon as he stepped into the office he was looking everywhere, trying to picture what had been done to them. There was broken glass, Wesley’s glasses lay mangled on his desk, books were scattered and blood dripped from the chair onto the floor. He saw the stain of it on his mug and without realizing it, he was reaching for it. The smell of human blood was so much stronger than the stuff he usually drank and when he noticed he was staring at it, his hand shook in anger. This was their blood, he knew it. Cordelia’s or Wesley’s, or worse both.

He threw the mug to the wall and watched it break into a million pieces, blood splattering across the wall. There wasn’t enough blood for them to be dead. So they were taken alive, or better yet had somehow escaped. That brief flare of hope was dashed when he saw the knife stuck into his desk, pinning another note. This one again in Spike’s handwriting, though Faith had left her own mark as well.

I am disappointed. You're making this too easy, Angelus. Don’t worry, they are alive. They will be alive for days, don't forget, I learned from the best.

At the bottom, scrawled in the blood of his friends was the message: TAG YOUR IT.

*************

Wesley woke with a groan and tried to shift, but a cool hand to his head stopped him. He was laying on the floor, that much he knew. Giving his head a moment to stop spinning, he opened his eyes and realized they were in a windowless room, there were chairs to the side but he was on the floor, head in Cordelia's lap as she stroked at his hair. He reached up to stop her hand and looked over her face, eyes drifting to her neck and relief flooding him that he saw no marks.

"Hey." He tried to sound normal but it came out more strangled than he’d like. Still he offered a small smile as well.

"Hey." Cordelia replied, her own face pinched in pain, and tightness around her eyes had him frowning as he moved to sit up. She tried to stop him but he held her hand and turned to sit and face her.

"Cordelia, what is it?" His voice held an equal amount of worry and fear. When she simply shook her head and glanced to the door he turned to look as well. Obviously they were locked in but that wasn’t her only worry. No this was more. Before he could press, she swallowed and looked at him. Reaching with her other hand to his forehead where blood had dried.

"How are you feeling? She, she hit you a lot. In the head."

A slight wince at the reminder and he groaned. She reached for him to steady him and he sighed, giving her hand a squeeze of reassurance. "I'll be fine. You look, hurt. Did they . . . "

She shook her head to reassure him and her eyes lit for a moment in anger. "Oh no, I heard them, they'll leave me alone as long as they get to beat on you. Which, I have to tell you was the stupidest thing you've ever agreed to."

A touch of fire threaded her voice and it gave him a small smile to know she was well enough to still yell at him. Her shoulders slumped a bit and she sighed, squeezing his hand back. "But thanks."

Wesley smiled back but heard the door open and jumped, moving to block her from it if he could. Spike came in and tossed a bottle of pain killers and a bottle of water at Cordelia’s feet. With a smirk he lit a cigarette, "That's one innocent not getting' saved huh? An' the watcher's awake. Time to play."

With that he turned and left, closing the door again, Wesley could hear the bolt slide into place locking them in. Cordelia had reached for the bottle like it was a life line and quickly doled out several pills. Wesley looked confused, she had said they hadn’t hurt her but she was nearly desperate for the pills. That’s when he realized, he turned to her quickly, shock and worry threading his voice.

"Cordelia?"

She finished swallowing the pills and handed him the water, making sure she only took what she needed. She knew what he was asking, but she would rather not talk about it and hoped to distract him. "Here, drink the rest. I don't like whatever they've got planned for you.”

Off of his look she sighed, “ I, I had a vision. While you were out cold. I told them I only have visions of innocents in trouble, for Angel to rescue and they left it alone. They seemed almost, excited about it."

Wes knew it was more serious than that, her eyes refused to meet his. Brushing her hair from her face he looked at her. This wasn’t the pain he was used to seeing after a vision hit, this wasn’t just worry, or even anger that they wouldn’t be able save the person. Whatever it was she wasn’t saying, it pulled like a thread of pure fear through his stomach. There was one possibility and it seemed the most obvious. "Cordelia? No, tell me. Was it, this? Us?"

She shook her head and swallowed. She couldn’t, it was just too much. "No, not, not exactly. I mean, sort of. I saw, Lindsey." She eek-ed out hoping it was enough.

"Makes sense that Wolfram and Hart have a hand in this." Wesley grumbled.

These days there was very little that they weren’t doing to try and cause problems for them. Of course, death, torture, seemed a bit much for their usual tactics. The fact that they were stepping it up was not a good sign. Still, he saw there was more and just waited. She started sniffling, shoulders shaking and he wrapped an arm around her. If she had to see, and worse feel, his torture and death before it happened he would kill Lindsey himself for putting her through it. That, was a kind of torture no one deserved.

"He killed me. I'm going to die Wes, and there's no one there. I die alone." She barely breathed it and he went still. His arms tightened around her. He wasn’t there? She hadn’t seen him, or Spike or Faith. Just Lindsey, and just her, and her death. This was no longer about vengeance of a slayer.

“You’re, you’re sure. I wasn’t, there or Spike or anyone? It was, Lindsey?”

Pulling away slightly she wiped at her face, ashamed of having broken down in the first place. With a nod she took a breath and steadied herself. “I’m sure. You were safe, I don’t know how I know but I do. You were safe and somehow, I wasn’t here, it was someplace else. A lab or something.”

She was so matter of fact about it now that she seemed almost resigned and he refused to give up. Grabbing her shoulders he dipped his head to see her face. Determination fixed his face.

"It won't happen. You know Angel won't let that happen. Neither will I."

She raised her head and her eyes held a sadness and resignation that chilled him to the bone. “I don’t think, you have a choice.”

He opened his mouth to reply but they didn't get a chance to discuss it anymore as the door opened and Spike walked in with a duffel bag and Faith followed, dragging a chair. She rubbed her hands together and smiled.

"Time's up."

#fanfic #angel the series #mature #fan fiction #faith lehane #cordelia chase #spike

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comic-movieheroesranked · 7 years ago

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Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2008) Final Part

Wow, I just want to say that 2008 really stepped it up when it came to comic movies released. Granted, a couple weren’t the best but overall this year was one of the best out of the bunch. The Dark Knight and Hellboy II: The Golden Army are the only sequels this year, while The Punisher: War Zone and The Incredible Hulk serve as reboots. Star Wars: The Clone Wars serves as a prequel and we also see the debut of Iron Man, Speed Racer, The Spirit and Wanted! Lets start off our largest list yet! Here’s the Top 20 of 2008!

*SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE MOVIES HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE*

20. Emil Blanksy/Abomination (The Incredible Hulk)

"Give me a REAL fight!"

Like I said in 2007's list in regards to The Stranger in 30 Days of Night, if you want a character to be disliked by me, have them kill a dog. Emil does this right in the beginning as he and his team hunt Bruce down in Brazil so, naturally, my body was filled with glee when the Hulk trashed them all. This is apparently a turn-on for Emil because he gets obsessed with having the power Bruce has. It doesn't take much for him to convince Ross and then, later, Samuel Sterns to eventually help him become Abomination, a freak of immense power. Him and the Hulk enter an epic fight on the battlefield that is New York City that ends up with him getting his ass beat.

19. The Octopus (The Spirit)

"I don't like egg on my face."

The Octopus was such an outrageous character man! And unlike Jigsaw and his wack brother, The Octopus made it work for him! With help with the overall setting of the film, The Octopus showed that even though he's not all there, he's still a major threat to Central City. His thirst for immortality and world domination put him at odds with The Spirit, who also holds a grudge against him for killing him. He pulls all kinds of evil doings, including dissolving an innocent cat, which was the last straw for The Spirit. After he loses the vase of Heracles's blood, The Octoplus then blows up from a grenade shoved in his body.

18. Rachel Dawes (The Dark Knight)

"If you lose your faith in me, please keep your faith in people."

Rachel is still fighting crime in the courtroom but this time with her new boyfriend, Harvey Dent. I expected an obvious love triangle with Bruce to happen, but I don't think that's what we got. I don't think Rachel cared for Bruce like she did in the first film, but because of the promise she made she felt guilty and kept denying her feelings for Harvey to grow. Her fight for justice shows up several times as she takes down crime lords in the court and even face to face with the Joker when he goes after Harvey, but her relationship with Harvey and Bruce is what brings her demise. Her death was shocking but it would be the final tool for Harvey Dent's transformation into Two Face.

17. Ahsoka Tano (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"No, I'm the one with enthusiasm."

Ahsoka is a young Jedi in training that's been assigned to work under Anakin Skywalker's teachings. She falls quickly into the little sister role but she shows just as much determination as Anakin when he was a young Jedi, which is why I think he grows to like her. She proves her skill again and again and she even saves Anakin a few times when he's in a tight spot, though he won't admit it. She ends up taking care of Jabba's newborn and returns him safely so the tension between the Hutt's and the Republic can end.

16. Princess Nuala (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

"I'm afraid it's the other way around."

Princess Nuala definitely has a strong sense on what is right and what is wrong. Even if she dislikes the way her people are living, she knows that attacking the humans with the Golden Army is wrong, and therefore hides the last piece of the crown from her brother after he kills their father. She seeks help from Abe and the two bond over the fact that they both have similar learning powers through their hands. Now. Once we found out that she feels everything Nuada feels, I knew she was going to die. I did not see her taking out herself though. I should've, because she was cool with her dad sentencing them to death but it still really shocked me when she went ahead and knifed herself, taking her destructive brother down with her.

15. James Gordon (The Dark Knight)

"He's a silent guardian. A Dark Knight."

With the Joker wrecking havoc on Gotham City, James Gordon had to step his game up big time. He honestly did the best he could, coming up with a great plan involving him faking his own death so he could capture the Joker that ended up promoting him to Commissioner, but the clown prince of crime was just always three steps ahead. He managed to beat Gordon at his own game several times and ended up giving him a deadly enemy, Two Face. Gordon and Harvey Dent's animosity towards each other come to end when Two Face tries to take out Gordon's family. When Batman saves them, they both agree that Batman must take the fall for Dent's death.

14. Anakin Skywalker (Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"The desert is merciless. It will take everything from you."

Wow I actually liked Anakin in this movie. I think it was because he wasn't shown as this moody teenager who was just constantly filled with angst the whole damn time and instead showed him as a leader and now teacher of Ahsoka. They didn't focus too much on his relationship with Padme, which also wasn't his strongest point because again, he was just moody as hell even if he was in love. He really grew as an individual and was able to bond with Ahsoka through their travels despite him not liking her in the beginning. We got to see his angst a little bit when they returned to his home planet but I understand, even if I think it's silly, that you can't have a Skywalker on the screen and not have them go through angst.

13. Wesley Gibson (Wanted)

"What the fuck have you done lately?"

So part of me liked Wesley and the part of me didn't. I liked how he decided he wasn't going to be treated like shit anymore and stood up to all the toxic people in his life. I do like how polite he was and his determination to really be something he could be proud of. And I liked his friendship with the Executioner and his relationship with Fox. I didn't like how he all of a sudden got this superiority complex as soon as he learned a little knife trick. Like he was constantly throwing mad shade at us, the viewers, and it was a little off-putting because no one should be able to talk as much shit as he did when they allow their best friend to bang their girl for years before finally doing something. Also, why did he hate Cross so much? I get he thought Cross killed his father but damn he was hunting him down as if he had known his father his entire life! But I was glad he was able to discover the truth and then use everything he learned to bring down Sloan and the Fraternity once and for all.

12. Harvey Dent/Two Face (The Dark Knight)

"You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

Harvey Dent is Gotham's White Knight. He's a lawyer that can't be bought and is determined to bring down every corrupt person in the city, which earns him a lot of enemies. When the opportunity to bring down all the crime lords shows up, he forces his way into Batman and Gordon's plans, causing tensions with the latter. But he ends up biting more than he can chew once the Joker shows up. Not only does he end up burning off half his face, but he loses Rachel as well. Her death is the final straw and Harvey Dent becomes Two Face after having a little chat with the Joker. He seeks out the cops that betrayed him, the crime lords that set it up, and even Gordon, who he blames for Rachel's death. His thirst for revenge gets him in a confrontation with Batman, ending with his death. Instead of revealing what actually happened, Gordon and Batman agree to keep Dent's White Knight reputation.

11. Abe Sapien (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

"Despite the appearances, I bet Red will make an excellent father figure."

Abe is the most supportive friend a hellspawn can ask for. I mean, he works well with everyone. He helps support Liz after discovering she's pregnant and he even gets along well with Tom Manning. He ends up developing the biggest teenage-boy crush on Princess Nuala and starts wearing contacts, listening to love songs, and even gets drunk with Hellboy as they bond over their women. It was slightly annoying when he gave the last piece to Prince Nuada for Nuala's safety, but he was right when he pointed out Hellboy would do the same for Liz. Nuala's death definitely took a toll on him which is one of the reasons why I think he ended up quitting with the team.

10. Sand Saref (The Spirit)

"Do I look like a good girl?"

A femme fatale, Sand used to be Denny's young love as they grew up in Central City. She dreamed of diamonds, cars, and loved reading stories of Jason's Golden Fleece. When her uncle dies, she decides to break up with cop-loving Denny, and finally go after everything she wants in life. Now known for marrying rich and then killing her husbands, keeping all the money for herself. With everything she's asked for, she goes after the Golden Fleece, which brings her back to Central City. When her Fleece get's switched with Octopus's vase of blood, she becomes a major player in the war between him and the Spirit, who she learns is Denny back from the dead. Their feelings come back when he learns she still had the necklace he gave her but they aren't acted on until the final fight. With her hands on the Golden Fleece, Sand uses it's impenetrable coat to protect The Spirit and then the tow proceed to make out in front of everyone, including his current girlfriend. They break ways though, Sand choosing her diamonds and The Spirit choosing the city's protection.

9. Prince Nuada Silverlance (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

"Let this remind you why you once feared the dark."

So I don't feel like Prince Nuada was a bad guy, he really thought he was bringing justice to his people by defeating the humans who raged war on them for years. He has a respect for nature and cares deeply about his kingdom, which is why he couldn't deal with how they were living under his father's rule while the humans destroyed all the green from their planet. So he did what he had to do to gain control of the crown pieces but then became at odds with Hellboy and his team. They end up fighting a lot, Nuada is crazy talented with the spear, but Nuada always got away because Hellboy couldn't hurt him without hurting Princess Nuala, Abe's crush. It isn't until Nuada has complete control of the Golden Army that he's defeated by Hellboy, but even then he won't stop his mission until Nuala kills herself, killing him as well.

8. Pepper Potts (Iron Man)

"I do anything and everything Mr. Stark requires. Including occasionally taking out the trash."

If there's one person who can put Tony Stark in his place, it's Pepper. In fact, I'm pretty sure Pepper can put anyone in their place, proof being when she handles the disrespectful reporter, Christine. She's Stark's personal assistant and handles literally everything in his life, since the millionaire genius is pretty much incapable of doing anything besides creating amazing technology (he really should know his social security number). It's Pepper who discovers that Obadiah was the one trying to kill him and it's Pepper who helps Iron Man take him down. There isn't a resolution to the chemistry between Pepper and Tony, but since she's still his assistant, there's still hope.

7. Denny Colt/The Spirit (The Spirit)

"She is my lover, and I am her Spirit."

I get why literally every girl in this movie fell for the Spirit, he's extremely charismatic. How he learned to do that after rising from the dead, I don't know, but it's a skill he mastered and it's got him out of several tough spots as he tries to protect the city (granted it's gotten him in tougher spots too). He has a hilarious rivalry with The Octopus which puts him in even more hilarious situations like fighting in the mud with toilets, jumping off buildings with his pants off, and fighting goons holding gun with nothing but snowballs. Despite all of this, he manages to save his city, kiss the girl (ends up with another girl), and finally takes The Octopus down with a grenade.

6. Hellboy (Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

"I'm not gonna kill him, Abe. But I am gonna kick his ass!"

Our favorite petty hellspawn is back! Nothing much has changed since we lost saw Hellboy. He's still in love with Liz and his kittens, still desperately wants to fit in with society, and still has a nasty temper. Despite all their arguing, Hellboy and Liz still find a way to make it work, especially now that Liz is pregnant with his babies. His relationship with Abe also expands, Hellboy taking on a big brother role as he helps Abe deal with his feelings with Princess Nuala, and by 'deal' I mean they get drunk and listen to sad love songs. Despite the annoyance of Krauss being added to the team, Hellboy manages to lead everyone against Prince Nuada and his powerful Golden Army. When he takes them all done, him and Liz quit the department and walk off to start their new family.

5. Bruce Banner/Hulk (The Incredible Hulk)

"HULK SMASH!"

The Hulk is the first superhero that's gotten a reboot in my list's history. Even though the film is technically a sequel, lots of things were rebooted and, in my opinion, for the better. Not only do we get to see the Hulk in his destructive glory but I feel like we were finally able to connect to Bruce as a human. He's someone with a problem that has the potential to cause serious harm for anyone near him so he isolates himself from everyone he cares about and tries to find a way to get rid of away. Of course he can't stay hidden too long and ends up reuniting with Betty, but with the army trying to selfishly use his contaminated blood as a weapon of their own, the journey just gets harder and harder for Bruce. In the end, when he's fighting Abomination on the streets of New York, Bruce nearly kills him as the Hulk but with the help off Betty he's able to manage his rage, if only briefly, and runs off to British Colombia. There we see him last, his glowing eyes hinting at his newfound control over the Hulk.

4. Fox (Wanted)

"We kill one and maybe save a thousand."

If anyone believes in the code and in the Fraternity of Assassins, it's Fox. This is someone who was actually a victim of what happens when an assassin doesn't kill their target. It's probably why she joins, herself, and quickly becomes one of the best they have. She's badass in every way, shape, and form. From curving bullets, driving in crazy speed chases, and climbing the side of a train as it gets ready to fall over a rocky cliff, she's someone who's capable of anything. When she finds out her name, along with everyone in the Fraternity's names, show up she disobeys Sloan and honors the code it the most epic way. With one final curve of her bullet, she manages to take down everyone in the room, including herself.

3. Bruce Wayne/Batman (The Dark Knight)

"Because sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes, people deserve more."

The Dark Knight is back and the streets of Gotham couldn't be any more safe, but it's not just him that c an take the credit. Gotham has a hero with a face taking down these crime lords and his name is Harvey Dent. This man gives Bruce hope that maybe he can step away from the suit and live a normal life with Rachel after all, but all that comes crashing down once the Joker steps to the plate. Bruce made a mistake in underestimating Joker, thinking of him as a common criminal, which ends up costing him the lives of several people including Rachel. Bruce has to really think outside the box when it comes to stopping him and when he finally does, he ends up with another threat in the form of Two Face. When Harvey Dent regrettably dies, Bruce understands that the general public will go into chaos if they find out about his corruption and so he decides to take the blame entirely, saving Harvey's reputation along with Gotham City's safety.

2. Tony Stark/Iron Man (Iron Man)

"The truth is...I am Iron Man."

The genius owner of a millionaire dollar business. Tony Stark is one of the most brilliant men the world has to offer, and he puts his brains into making weapons for the military to help keep the peace. It isn't until after he's kidnapped by terrorist with his own weapon technology that he realizes his mistakes. He turns a new leaf and decides to create a hero of sorts to help protect people from those who wish to harm them: Iron Man! Tony Stark's charisma and humor throughout the film was so fun to watch and his journey to becoming a hero was even better to see happen. At the end he does what no hero has done before, he reveals he's indeed Iron Man, not wanting to hide away from his responsibilities.

1. The Joker (The Dark Knight)

"Why so serious?"

Is anyone surprised? 2008 had the most bad ass characters by far with returning champions Batman, Hellboy, and Angelina Jolie (even though she won as Tomb Raider instead of Fox) and the debut of Iron Man. There's only one person who could steal the throne from them at that was Heath Ledger's Joker. The Joker ruled every scene he was in and was, in every sense of the word, a madman. From his multiple backstories on how he got his scars to his nurse outfits, Joker installed fear and uncertainty in everyone that crossed his path. An agent of chaos, Joker quickly flipped Gotham upside down and had the entire city scrambling to figure him out and put a stop to him. And even though he does eventually get stopped because Batman does have more strength in the end, no one figures him out. He's a puzzle piece that remains unsolved because every time you try he finds a way to create the biggest, most chaotic storm in your life. It's his wild plans that aids in the creation of Two Face, after all. The Joker is one of the greatest enemies Batman has ever faced and his reign as one of the greatest villains of all time in film is still evident almost ten years later.

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jennycalendar · 8 years ago

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on gambles

i spent the entire day writing a mehane/the office au for...reasons?? idk i’ve been watching the office lately and i felt like this needed to be done.

tagging @slutorama because there’s no way i’d have ever thought of a mehane au without her valued contributions to the fandom <3

it’s pretty long, so it’s also on ao3!!!

Tara’s not sure if she likes her job. She feels the same sort of tired resignation at the front desk of Dunder Mifflin that she does when she comes home to dirty dishes and her fiancé asleep on the sofa, snoring too loudly, and she’s sure that’s not exactly the best sign. But there are things that are nice about her job, and she doesn’t want them to get swept under the rug just because she’s bored with phone-answering.

“Coffee for the lady,” says Faith with an exaggerated bow, splashing some of the coffee onto Wesley’s desk. He looks up indignantly and starts going off about personal space and coffee being a hazard and does he have to make a demarcation line because he’s certainly not above it. Ignoring this, Faith comes forward, placing the mug on the counter and grinning when Tara takes it. In a low voice, she adds, “I’m thinking we put Wesley’s stapler in Jell-O.”

“We did that last week,” Tara points out quietly. “Maybe you should try some variation in your pranks.”

“I could move his desk,” Faith suggests. “A few inches towards the copier every time he goes to the bathroom.”

“Hmm.” Tara takes a sip of coffee. Faith’s put in just the right amount of cream, no sugar. Everyone seems to think that because Tara’s shy and quiet, she likes her coffee sweet, but Faith’s been the only one to ask. Tara likes that about Faith.

Tara likes a lot of things about Faith, actually.

“Perhaps you should consider not wasting company time and instead making some paper sales,” says Wesley archly from his desk.

“Chill, Wesley, not everyone lives and breathes paper,” Faith volleys back before turning to Tara. “I’m gonna do it just for that,” she whispers conspiratorially, and the look in her eyes makes Tara’s stomach flutter a little. “He’s so pretentious.”

Tara giggles, and she’s about to say something in response, but then Xander comes over and needs some copies of a report. Faith hurries back to her desk with a last smile in Tara’s direction, and Tara doesn’t stop smiling back until Xander comments that it’s weird to see her that chipper.

So yeah. Faith is nice. Spending time with Faith is nice. Roy says it’s good that she’s got a girlfriend in the office to talk to, and Tara agrees. Faith is funny, and wild, and she smiles at everyone, but somehow she’s got a special smile that’s just for Tara.

And it’s weird, because if Faith was a guy, Tara thinks Roy would be jealous. Or maybe Roy wouldn’t. Roy still doesn’t know not to put sugar in her coffee, and he gets a glazed look on his face if Tara starts really talking. He says he liked it better when she was quiet, the way she was when they first met. He says she’s pretty when she smiles, but not the open-mouthed smile she gets when she’s happy. He likes her lips closed and upturned, her eyes sweet and listening.

Faith spent the first week she was there trying to get Tara to say more than a sentence to her, even though everyone said it was a lost cause (as if Tara couldn’t hear them). Faith told lots of bad jokes and just sat there, on the counter, and Tara’s still not super sure why Faith didn’t get fired during that first week, because she sure wasn’t working.

Tara used to take her break by herself, but Faith likes to take her break with other people, so Tara takes it then too. It’s a little nerve-wracking when Faith isn’t there, but Faith’s never not there for long.

“Is it weird to work in the same place as your fiancé?” Cordelia’s inquiring today. She’s in Customer Services, a one-person department, which is something of a relief. Cordelia makes Tara a little nervous, even if she is nice. “Because I love working with Xander, but if we were engaged, it would start to feel like we’d just spend the rest of our lives in this place, you know? When Xander proposes to me, I think I’m going to pursue my acting career.”

“Oh boy,” says Buffy from the other table.

“Oh, don’t act all holier-than-thou, Buffy,” Cordelia shoots back.

“I’m s-sure you’ll be a great actress, Cordelia,” cuts in Tara, and smiles nervously, really wishing Faith would come back from microwaving her popcorn. “And, um, it’s not really that weird. Roy works downstairs, so I don’t see him that much.” She doesn’t say that she’s glad she doesn’t see him during the day, because Faith is always a little weird around Roy. She’s not sure what to do about it. She asked Faith to be her bridesmaid at the wedding, some kind of weird attempt at getting her to see Roy in a positive light, and that didn’t really go over well.

“I’d like to work in the same place as Fred,” says Willow-the-accountant with a dreamy little smile. Tara doesn’t know Willow all that well, but she does know Willow’s dating Fred, because Willow always seems to bring Fred up at every possible opportunity. “We could do accounts together. Fred’s an accountant at the Nashua branch, you know.”

“You’ve mentioned,” says Wesley indifferently.

Faith, who’s just come in, rolls her eyes as she sits down next to Tara. Then she says, “Hey, Wes, I think someone stole your desk.”

“What—” Wesley leaps up from his chair, racing out of the break room. From the office, they hear a shout of “FAITH, THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!”

“Well, that takes care of that,” says Faith, and smiles at Tara. “You okay?”

“Yes,” says Tara, and smiles back, quite amused. Faith doesn’t have any popcorn. “So, Wesley’s desk is missing?”

“What a puzzling mystery,” says Faith, and wiggles her eyebrows significantly. Tara snorts. “Any new developments at reception?” Faith adds.

“I stapled a few memos about our card stock,” Tara replies as seriously as she can.

“The world needs hard workers like you, T,” Faith quips, and nudges Tara playfully with her shoulder. Tara looks down at her tuna sandwich with a smile and a bit of a blush.

Faith wears her hair loose and long, curls that fall down her shoulders. She only sort of adheres to the dress code, always donning a leather jacket or popping a few buttons open on her button-down shirt. She’s got a flirtatious smile (not that Tara notices, because Tara doesn’t think of Faith in that way) and bright, dark eyes (and Tara only notices that because they’re always locking with hers) and she makes Tara feel something that she can’t quite define.

Tara hasn’t had a friend like Faith before, one who listens to her without judgment. Roy never listened, and most of her family judged. Her mom didn’t, but her mom wasn’t Faith, who makes some wisecrack about Roy that makes Tara feel somehow lighter about the whole wedding thing. It’s stressful to plan a wedding on your own, which is what she tells Faith one day as they walk down to Faith’s car.

“So he doesn’t help?” Faith says, crossing her arms in a way that accentuates her chest. Tara thinks of how Angela in accounting would say shameful or whorish and tries to pretend that that’s why her breath catches a little. “He should help, you know. It’s his wedding too.”

“It’s okay, really.” Tara smiles, tries to backtrack; she suddenly regrets bringing it up. It’s always a little strange to talk about wedding things with Faith, and she hasn’t yet figured out why. “He’s not super good with flower arrangements a-and things. I—feel better knowing I’m in charge of it.”

Faith looks at Tara and doesn’t say anything. Then, heavily, she says, “I just think he should help. Shouldn’t all be on you, you know?”

Tara forces another smile. Sometimes it feels like that’s all she does when she’s not with Faith, and she doesn’t like that she’s doing it now. She wants to think that she doesn’t have to keep things from Faith, but there’s a layer to their friendship that she doesn’t quite understand. “I do,” she says. “But I love him. S-so I make allowances.”

Something in Faith’s face shifts. “Yeah,” she says. “Look, I gotta get to my car. You should probably swing by, check on Roy. Bet he misses you.” She starts walking fast, almost running. Tara stands still and tries to place what she’s done wrong, because something didn’t seem right.

Strong arms wrap around her waist from behind (she tenses) and she feels Roy press his lips to her hair, sloppy and playful. Like a puppy, she thinks. Puppies are cute, and Roy is too. Puppies don’t do the dishes, either, she thinks, and wonders if Faith is rubbing off on her.

“Babe,” says Roy. “Me and the warehouse guys are heading down to Poor Richard’s. You’re gonna come?”

Sometimes Tara thinks that Roy adds the question mark at the end just to make her feel like she has a choice. “Yes,” she replies, and tries her best not to look back, but she hears Faith’s car peel out of the parking lot at an unusual speed.

Roy takes her hand as they enter the bar. Tara’s heard a lot of girls in high school gush about how romantic it is when a guy holds your hand, lacing your fingers together, how it makes them feel so secure, but Roy’s hand is large and it feels strange around hers. There’s probably just something wrong with Tara.

Her father always thought she was a nothing, and when she’d met Roy, he’d looked at her instead of looking through her. That’s what love was, wasn’t it? She should be so much more grateful and happy than she is, and she hates that she’s not. She’s always been ungrateful, it seems.

“Tara!” Willow’s sitting with a tall, sweet-faced girl, whose hand she’s holding on top of the table. She gestures for Tara to come sit with them.

“Um, I’ll—” Tara turns to Roy, but his grip has already slackened, and he’s watching a sports game on the bar TV with rapt attention. She smiles nervously at some of the warehouse guys nearby before heading over to the table, pulling up a chair next to Willow.

“This is Fred,” says Willow happily. The girl gives Willow a soppy smile before giving Tara a big, happy grin. “My girlfriend Fred. In a gay way, not a friend way. But she’s also my friend!”

Fred (who is a girl) giggles.

Tara feels a rush of something she doesn’t understand. Happiness, yes, but tangled up in there is the same kind of feeling she gets when Faith’s face closes off, or when she gets home to a messy house no one’s bothered to clean. She smiles as best she can and says, “It’s l-lovely to meet you, Fred.”

“Thanks,” says Fred cheerfully. She has a bit of a Southern twang that reminds Tara of her mom. “Drove down here from Nashua just to see milady,” here she gives Willow a little kiss on the cheek, “and meet all the people she’s told me about. You’re the pretty receptionist, right?”

“Fred,” says Willow, and goes a little pink.

“Ooh, right, the pretty engaged receptionist,” says Fred, eyes going almost comically wide. “Goodness me, you’ll have to excuse my motor mouth.” She presses delicate fingers to her mouth. Tara wonders why she’s noticing Fred’s fingers when Fred’s clearly dating Willow.

Or, for that matter, why she’s noticing Fred’s fingers when she’s the engaged one.

Fred’s fingers are probably just aesthetically pretty. Or something. Tara clears her throat awkwardly before replying, “I-it’s fine. I don’t—it’s very flattering.” She manages a grin towards Willow, who gives her a relieved smile back. “Just—Willow never said anything about—”

“The gay thing?” Willow waves a hand. She looks a little tipsy, and it’s not clear whether it’s from the beer in front of her or the girl next to her. “I’m coming out today! It’s a very new thing. Super exciting. Little bit scary, you know, especially with Angela breathing down my neck all the time, but Fred’s important to me.” She gives Fred a sweet, winning smile and Fred grins back.

It feels like Tara’s watching them kiss, what with all the love in their eyes, and she’s not sure why it’s making her feel so sick and nervous. She’s not a homophobe, and she’s never considered the concept of loving a woman a bad one, it’s just—strange. She never considered the option.

She manages to talk to Willow and Fred. They’re very happy, and she’s happy for them too, but there’s another feeling she still can’t put her finger on. Angela comes over halfway through and makes a lot of disapproving hmm noises when Willow introduces Fred, but Willow meets Angela’s eyes with a bravery that Tara envies.

She tries to imagine having a girlfriend and looking adversity in the eye like that, and then tries to imagine having a girlfriend. She nearly drops her mug when she realizes that Faith is the imaginary girlfriend next to her, glaring at Angela in the same way she does anyone who talks smack about Tara.

“You okay?” Willow asks, her easy smile flickering.

“Just—I need a minute,” says Tara somewhat dazedly, getting up from the table.

Not that she has a crush on Faith.

She doesn’t.

Crushes are something Tara’s never really understood, anyway. When she was little, she used to pick and choose boys to crush on, and she always sort of thought all the other girls did the same. They seemed to have a ready-made answer to the question, almost like it was some sort of test, so Tara made sure to study. The boys they all looked at had soft eyes and easy smiles. Puppy-dog boys, like Roy, so Tara must be right to pick him.

She steps outside of the bar, stopping at the curb to look out at the empty street. When Roy comes out and pulls her into his arms, she doesn’t object. This is what she wants. This is what she’s supposed to have.

It’s not tense between her and Faith the next morning. It never is. Any kind of Roy-related strangeness is always put aside the next morning, and it’s comforting for Tara to know that there’s one part of her life that isn’t strange in a way she doesn’t understand. Not always, at least.

“Willow has a girlfriend,” Tara tells Faith quietly as soon as Faith comes over to her desk.

Faith takes a jellybean. “So?” she says. There’s a sudden apprehension to her voice. “You’re my girlfriend. Buffy’s my girlfriend. We’ve all got girlfriends.”

“No, like—” Tara hesitates. “I-in a romantic way,” she says finally, and she’s beginning to think that she’s found another topic that’s strangely tense to talk about with Faith.

Faith nods, slowly, then, “Is that something you’re not cool with?”

“I’m cool with it!” Tara thinks she might have said this too loudly, or too high, because the entire office suddenly seems to be looking at them both. She turns pink. “I just—you know,” she mumbles, looking down at her hands. “It’s a lot to take in.”

“I get that,” says Faith easily. “She did say Fred.”

“Apparently it’s short for Winifred,” Tara explains with a little smile, thinking of Fred and her big eyes and feeling sort of warm. “She seems very nice.”

“Ooooh, T, you got a girl crush?” Faith teases lightly.

“No,” says Tara, vehement and suddenly panicked. Faith’s smile fades. “No, I—no, she’s—dating someone, and I’m engaged—and I’m not—I mean, if you were—I don’t think—”

“Easy, Tara, I was kidding,” says Faith with unusual gentleness, and her hand brushes comfortingly against Tara’s shoulder. It’s a comforting gesture, but it makes panic rise in Tara’s chest that she can’t explain away. Faith’s touched her before. This time shouldn’t be any different. “What’s the matter, someone put too much sugar in your coffee?”

Tara shakes her head. There’s a lump in her throat. “No,” she says softly. “Just—it’s been weird. Lately. Things.” She waves a hand vaguely, and wishes she could be as immediately bubbly and talkative as Willow or Fred. Maybe then her life wouldn’t seem so much of a mixed-up mess when there wasn’t anything wrong to begin with.

Faith nods again. “I’m sorry,” she says. There’s no playfully sharp edge to her voice when she says it. Tara looks up in surprise, half-afraid that meeting Faith’s eyes will shatter the moment, but all she sees in those dark eyes is a quiet understanding.

Tara has the strangest urge, then, to lean across the counter and kiss Faith. It’s only a moment, because Faith awkwardly breaks the gaze and blurts something about having to get back to work, but she can’t shake the feeling. What would happen if she crossed the office, kissed Faith in front of the entire world? Stared down Angela and Roy with Faith’s hand in hers and Faith’s steely gaze fixed on them?

She doesn’t want to think about it. She knows she can’t afford to. Kissing Faith would change her life, and her life has to be good enough for her. It is.

The thought lingers all day, and all night, and Roy doesn’t seem to even notice when Tara doesn’t stop by the warehouse for lunch.

Kissing Faith would be a mistake. That’s the inevitable conclusion Tara comes to over the weekend, over every weekend for the next few months, and every Monday she comes back to work, and Faith’s smile lights up the office, and Tara thinks maybe it wouldn’t be.

They set a date for the wedding, which is Tara’s one small comfort, because her life is falling into place the way it’s supposed to. Never mind that if she were to be with Faith, she wouldn’t be leaving behind much of a fiancé; they’d been engaged for years and nothing’s come of it until now. Roy really just feels like her boyfriend, not something more or bigger just because he put a ring on Tara’s finger, and she doubts that’ll change when they get married in June.

But that’s what marriage is, really, just spending your life with someone who likes you. It’s not like fairytale romances are really real. This is real life, and Tara is supposed to be happy in it.

Sometimes she feels like she’s wrong for the life she’s in, and she’s just waiting for someone to figure it out.

“All right?” someone asks, and Tara looks up to see a hesitant Wesley standing near her desk. She’s a bit taken aback by his concern; usually he’s focused completely and totally on his work to an obsessive degree. She wasn’t even sure if he knew her name.

“I’m okay,” she says lightly.

Wesley frowns a bit and nods, and then he says, “You look—tired.”

Tara shrugs noncommittally and looks over at Faith, who’s working on something or other at her desk, and who hasn’t RSVP’d to her wedding yet. “Probably just the light,” she replies with what she hopes is an easy smile. “These fluorescents,” she adds in a horrible imitation of Cordelia.

Wesley smiles back, still looking a bit perturbed, and heads back to his desk, at which point Faith jumps up like an eager puppy and runs over to reception. “What was he doing here?” she demands in a low, laughing voice. “You got a new best friend in the office? I’m hurt, T, hurt.”

It’s easy to smile when Faith is looking at her like that. Tara tries not to think about why. “We all knew our friendship wasn’t meant to be,” she quips. “You wear too many leather jackets, and I’m a cardigan girl.”

“Reception and cardigans shouldn’t stop true friendship,” Faith persists playfully, and tucks a loose strand of hair behind Tara’s ear. Tara all but forgets how to breathe.

“Hey,” Roy calls, and Tara feels a sudden spike of panic, as though she’s been caught doing something illicit. She doesn’t even bother to try and come up with an excuse for why she feels that way; she just kind of knows now, even if she doesn’t like thinking about it. “Babe, we’re going out for a drink now.”

“Okay,” Tara agrees. She tries not to look at the badly-hidden disappointment on Faith’s face as she steps forward, kissing Roy. It feels wrong to do it while Faith’s watching. Not that Faith would return whatever strange feelings she has—that’s just out of the question—but she likes Faith in a way that’s not entirely platonic, and that’s not at all the way she feels about Roy.

Knowing someone she wants to kiss is there while she’s kissing someone she’s not so sure about isn’t a good feeling. Especially when the person she’s not sure about is her fiancé, and the person she is sure about is a girl. Her family would be horrified. She’s sure the office would judge, wordlessly but still strongly. Roy—she doesn’t know what he’d say, or if he’d hurt Faith for “turning Tara gay” or something stupid like that.

She’s suddenly very afraid, and she kisses Roy harder, tries to drown out the wrong coursing through her. He pulls her close against him, and he’s breathing hard, clearly much more affected by the kiss than Tara is.

“Tara, really,” she hears Angela say reprovingly, which is enough to make her pull away. Because now the office’s seen her being too bold, and what does that say about her? What would they think if she walked in one day with Faith’s hand in hers? Or any other girl, really, if that’s what she wants so badly. Tara looks up at Roy and smiles at him, the simple, forced smile that he likes so much better than her real ones. He kisses her again and grins back, taking her hands in his.

She looks back at Faith, this time, turning her head ever so slightly as she leaves the office, and she’s not sure if it’s hoping or if she really saw it, but for a moment she thinks she sees unmasked sadness on Faith’s face.

As it turns out, their HR rep Rupert Giles has his third wedding anniversary on Casino Night, and his wife comes into the office early to help set up the warehouse. Jenny’s a small, sarcastic woman who has the same biting smile as Faith, so it’s not much of a surprise to Tara when Faith immediately hits it off with her. She’s gotten good at reading people; it’s a talent that comes with her shyness. Being on the outskirts always gives a lot of time for observation.

The thing that keeps on striking Tara that day is the way her coworkers seem so happy with the people they’re with. Fred comes down the warehouse steps wearing a backless dress, her hair up in a gorgeous twist, and Willow’s eyes are shining when they meet in the middle of the warehouse. Giles, who Tara rarely sees smile at any of his coworkers, beams at Jenny whether or not she’s looking at him. And yeah, all these people seemed pretty happy to begin with, but their happiness seems effortless and easy when they’re with their partner.

“So you guys set a date?” Willow’s saying now, smiling warmly at Tara. She’s holding Fred’s hand, their fingers interlocked in a way Tara can’t imagine with Roy. “That’s so exciting! June weddings are always so romantic.”

“They are,” Jenny agrees. “Are you thinking indoors or outdoors?”

Tara wanted outdoors. “We decided indoors,” she says, and glances over at Roy, who’s playing some game she doesn’t know. Tara isn’t much of a gambler. “Roy says it’s a family tradition.”

Jenny’s smile changes a little, and she looks like she’s about to say something, but then Faith cuts in, coming over with a fistful of money. “Just kicked everyone’s ass in poker,” she informs Tara, “but I still haven’t played you yet. You ready for this?”

“I’ll see you all later,” Tara says to the couples, feeling some degree of relief at leaving them in their romantic bliss. It’s a little depressing to not be sure whether or not she has that. Or, no, to know she doesn’t have it. But knowing you don’t have what you want means you have to go after what you need, and Tara doesn’t know if she’s ready to do that, so she’ll keep on saying she’s not sure until things become clearer.

Somehow.

Faith’s wearing a suit and tie, but she’s also wearing heels (“to comply with the bullshit dress code,” she explains), and her hand in Tara’s feels terrifyingly right as they walk up to one of the poker tables. Tara’s almost grateful for how heteronormative her workplace is, because she knows no one thinks anything of her friendship with Faith. Girl friends, not girlfriends.

Poker is somehow both simpler and more confusing than Tara had expected, but Faith’s patient with her. Faith’s always patient with her, and it’s nice, because Roy never really is. He just expects things from her, and she does them. She’s not sure what’ll happen if she doesn’t.

“You’re bluffing,” Faith says confidently.

Tara isn’t, and she can’t hide her grin. “Am not,” she shoots back, and even flips her hair. She’s usually tying it back in the office, but she’s let it down for tonight.

“Oooh, she’s got sass,” Faith teases. “I’m goin’ all in.”

“You do that.”

“I will.” Faith meets Tara’s eyes with that same challenging look that always makes her look so beautiful. Tara lets herself think that, now, because there’s really no point in denying that she does feel something for Faith. Something big and scary that she can’t ever act on, yes, but something.

Of course Tara isn’t bluffing, and the exaggerated pout on Faith’s face is ridiculously charming. Tara’s glad she’s focusing on the game and not the gamble.

She wins, and she can’t stop teasing Faith about it, because Faith is just so dumbstruck by the concept of Tara tricking her. It feels strangely wonderful to be good at something.

“Aw, shut up, you’re good at lots of things,” Faith snorts as they walk through the parking lot. Roy had wanted to go home early. Tara hadn’t. “You draw great. You know that, right?”

“Just doodles,” says Tara, but she’s smiling too. Their hands are still joined; Faith hasn’t let go. Feeling braver than usual, she gently rubs her thumb against the back of Faith’s hand.

Faith stops walking. Takes a breath. Tara lets their hands drop, suddenly afraid that she’s crossed some kind of a line. “Look,” she says, raising her eyes. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

Tara nods, not trusting herself to speak.

Faith hesitates, looks down. Scuffs her high heels on the parking lot. She looks up again, looks straight into Tara’s eyes, as though trying to draw some sort of bravery from whatever she sees there. “I’m in love with you,” she says.

Tara forgets how to speak.

She can’t say a word. Faith hasn’t said anything either. It’s just them, in this too-quiet parking lot. Tara knows it’s her move, but she’s never been so scared in her life. This breaks all the rules. Everything she’s known could be gone in an instant if she reached out and kissed Faith right here.

Tara wants to kiss her.

Tara says, “Wh-what am I supposed to say to that?”

Faith breathes out. “I just needed you to know,” she says. “Once.”

The question isn’t do you love her back, it’s are you brave enough, and Tara doesn’t know if she is. She opens her mouth to say something (she doesn’t know what) but Faith has turned, going back down towards the warehouse.

This is where Tara is supposed to run after her.

She goes back inside instead. Back into the lobby, up the stairs. The walk is distracting, and putting one foot in front of another helps her concentrate on something that isn’t the fact that Faith Lehane is in love with her and she didn’t say yes. She’s scared. Too scared to make her life what she wants it to be, it seems, and that’s somehow worse than the possibility of losing Faith. What’ll she be if she marries Roy? Definitely not whatever Faith sees in her.

Willow’s still there, picking up her jacket. She looks up in surprise when Tara comes in. “Casino Night’s down there, you know,” she begins playfully.

“I’m in love with Faith,” Tara says. She was expecting it to come out high and anxious, but instead it comes out like it is. A fact. Simple as I’m Tara Maclay or I don’t like being a receptionist or I don’t want to marry Roy, but I’m too scared to say anything. “I love her.”

Willow puts down her jacket. “Oh, Tara,” she says with soft sympathy. There’s no judgment in her eyes. “What’ll you do?”

“I don’t know,” says Tara, sitting back down at the desk. It doesn’t make her feel any better. This is the place where she fell in love with Faith, a little more every day. “I should marry Roy, shouldn’t I?”

“Not—” Willow falters. “Not if you don’t love him.”

“He’s what I’m supposed to love,” Tara says. Her voice breaks. “This is who I’m supposed to be.”

“If you’re who you’re supposed to be,” Willow says, soft and thoughtful, “then you’re happy with your life.” She picks up the jacket again and walks out of the office, turning once at the door to say, “I think you know what you have to do.”

Tara does and she doesn’t. She stands up from the desk, missing her mother, who she would have liked to call right now. She feels isolated and scared, and she isn’t sure what she’s supposed to do.

The door opens again. Tara’s half-expecting Willow, but it’s not.

Faith steps in, walking slowly in her high heels. Her dark eyes are fixed with that emotion that Tara now knows is love, and she’s never seen so much of it, nor has she known that it’s for her. But it can’t be, not for her, not from Faith; she can’t possibly be that lucky. “Faith,” she begins, taking a step towards her. “I—”

Faith kisses her.

Maybe if Faith had been a guy, it would have been different. Maybe if Faith hadn’t kissed Tara, it would have been different. But kissing Faith is like waking up. Tara’s hyperaware to every detail of the kiss—the way Faith’s arms slide around her waist, the way Tara gets to cup Faith’s face in her hands like she’s always, always wanted to, the way their noses bump as they pull apart. Faith tries to step back, but Tara kisses her again, hard and desperate. This could be the only time she ever kisses Faith, and she damn well intends to make the most of it.

Faith really pulls back this time, breathing hard, staring at her with wide, teary eyes. Tara’s never seen Faith cry. Not once. “Tara,” she says, her voice shaking. “Please—”

“I’m never going to leave you,” says Tara, and the moment she says it, she knows it’s true. She thought she couldn’t leave Roy because of what the world wants, but she can’t leave Faith because she loves Faith. Willow’s right. She knows what to do.

“You—”

“I love you,” says Tara. It feels like her whole heart’s just been put in Faith’s hands, and she doesn’t know how Faith ever managed to tell her. “I’m not marrying Roy. I love you.” She laughs, once, and for the first time, it feels easy. “I love you!” she says, and almost starts crying again.

Faith kisses her, and it’s clumsy and gorgeous. Every kind of right.

Tara pulls away again, laughing and crying at the same time. “Okay, okay, we have to tell Roy,” she’s saying. “We have to—tell him something. I don’t know. I’m not going back there tonight.”

Faith doesn’t seem to hear what Tara’s saying, and when Tara looks back at her, the look on Faith’s face makes her breath catch. Faith looks like she’s looking at the moon and the stars for the first time, eyes wide, breath soft and shaking. “You’re gonna call off your wedding,” she says, small and disbelieving. “For me.”

“For you,” Tara agrees, and suddenly it’s so easy to be brave, because she wants Faith to believe her when she says I love you. “Anything, anything.” She kisses Faith again, this one short and sweet. “We’ll go downstairs and I’ll—tell him. I will.”

Faith stares at her, eyes bright. “I can’t—” She laughs, sniffles. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

“Me too,” says Tara, and kisses Faith again, just because she can.

She doesn’t marry Roy, but she keeps her job at Dunder Mifflin. It’s nice to work with the person you’re dating, especially if that person’s Faith Lehane, prankster, paper saleswoman, and probably the love of Tara’s life.

“If I play my cards right,” says Faith, and gives Tara a winning smile.

“You’re a nightmare,” says Tara lovingly, and kisses her on the cheek.

#fic #mehane #faith lehane #tara maclay #plus also some willow/fred and calendiles Because I Could

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superjournalslibrary-blog · 5 years ago

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What It Means to be Married to A Relentless Accuser

Wrath is cruel, and anger is outrageous; but who is able to stand before envy?

Proverbs 27:4

Marriage to a “Relentless Accuser” is the same as marriage to a “Prison Officer”.

A wife can become a Prison Officer with her chief weapon being her accusations! I call it a prison because the wife you have married can keep you in confinement. This confinement is caused by your Prison Officer wife who prevents you from interacting with people in the “outside world”. To overcome in this kind of marriage, you need Joseph’s anointing. It is Joseph who successfully came out of prison in Egypt.

You will be unable to relate to people that your wife does not like or does not want you to relate with. If your wife has the anointing of a Prison Officer she will use relentless accusations to keep you in confinement. The basic power that drives the Prison Officer is fear and jealousy or envy. Jealousy is a very powerful force. Jesus Christ was crucified because of envy. In the scripture above, jealousy is compared with anger and wrath. Jealousy is more powerful, more cruel and more outrageous than anger and wrath! A jealous and envious wife will use cruelty to eliminate nice people from your life.

John Wesley

John Wesley complained about being married to a prison officer. In his letter to his wife, he described the marriage to a ‘prison officer’ in great detail.

He wrote to his wife;

“I do not have a command of my own house.

I am not at liberty to invite even my nearest relative without angering you.

I dislike my chamber door being watched constantly, so that no one can go in and out except those you approve of.

I dislike being a prisoner even when I am away because I have to give an account of everywhere I go and of every person I ever speak to.”

In the same letter, he asked for freedom from the prison. He wrote:

“Allow me liberty so that anyone who wants to, can come to me.

Let me go where I please and to whom I please without giving an account of it!

These are the advices I will now give you in the fear of God!”

“I DISLIKE BEING MYSELF A PRISONER IN MINE OWN HOUSE”

John Wesley

The first step towards imprisonment involves soft-spoken, subtle but negative comments about unwanted people.

The second step of the Prison Officer is to manipulate for the removal of people that she does not like or want. These people are forced to lose their positions of favour, their positions of closeness and even their jobs because of the manipulative powers of the ‘Prison Officer’ wife. The cruelty of envy is seen in the way people are mercilessly removed from their positions, no matter who they are. “Let them go to hell” is the unspoken cry of the ‘Prison Officer’. Once she does not see them in her life any more, she is at peace.

The third step for a Prison Officer manifests as violent accusations, violent quarrels and open confrontation about people who must go. One pastor said to me, “I’ve been accused of being interested in so many ladies, including my children’s nanny. I have had to get rid of so many women who play important roles in my life.”

He continued, “But I am also accused of being interested in men. I have had to get rid of several men in my life.”

The Fearful Woman

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.

1 John 4:18 (NASB)

If you marry an insecure and fearful personality, you have entered the grounds of a Relentless Accuser Be careful of a woman who is only conscious of the presence of “other nice ladies”. Beware of a wife who is always thinking, “He could have married her. He wants her! He likes her! He prefers her! He is thinking about her! He wants to be with her! He likes talking to her! He is always on the phone to her! It’s all about her!”

The accuser is preoccupied with “other women”. Instead of being preoccupied with ‘ other souls’ who need salvation, she is preoccupied with ‘other women’ who “like” her husband! Usually, there is a reason why the “other woman” is of concern. She is often said to have a bad attitude towards the wife. She is usually accused of talking to the man of God but not to his wife. The Prison Officer/Relentless Accuser wants to get rid of this “other woman”. She thinks to herself, “Go and get your own husband! Stop liking my husband!”

Then the cover of lead was raised, and there in the basket sat a woman! He said, “This is wickedness,” and he pushed her back into the basket and pushed the lead cover down over its mouth.

Zechariah 5:7-8 (NIV)

I remember a Kenyan lady who married a man from Ghana. Instead of being happy and enjoying her husband’s love, she continually accused him of wanting to marry someone from Ghana.

“You want a Ghanaian lady,” she would say. “Is that not so? I know you want to eat your Ghanaian food.”

“Go and get one of those Ghanaian girls”, she would say.

You see, a Prison Officer, constantly makes references to girls from your country, your tribe or of your colour. She is not sure of your love! She senses the need to keep you for herself and she senses the need to keep you away from ladies she thinks are more suitable for you.

Why bother to take yourself through such emotional turmoil? Why marry someone you suspect does not really love you? Why live your life fearing that your husband loves other girls? Never marry someone whom you are suspicious of! You cannot be happily married unless there is absolute trust.

The Prison Officer and the Widower

It is not easy to be the new and second wife of a widower. Marrying a widower, means that you will have to step into the role of your husband’s previous popular wife. Not everybody has the ability to become “the second wife”. If you are insecure, you will always think about the first wife and what she did.

Your insecurity as a woman will manifest in you cleansing the world of supporters and lovers of the first wife. A new and insecure second wife is a sure candidate to becoming a Prison Officer.

Watch out for a woman who marries a pastor and feels that she is not accepted by the church. Such a person can turn into a Prison Officer.

I remember a pastor whose wife died suddenly. He married a young lady from the church and the trouble began. This new wife was so insecure that she fought against members of the church and even the children of the first wife. In the end, she drove the pastor’s children away from him. The pastor’s children were no longer welcome and could no longer work in the church.

Several key people in the administration of the church also had to leave. In the end, a very small fraction of the church was left. One of the pastors said to me, “We were blind. We had a Relentless Accuser in our midst and we did not deal with her. We now know that our pastor’s wife was a Prison Officer. We should have fought and resisted her. We should have risen up when we could and put an end to the powers of this woman even though she was our senior pastor’s wife.”

He lamented, “By our lax attitude towards the Prison Officer, we lost all our members.”

The Prison Officer and the Devoted Husband

Many women exhibit fear in one way or another and many become “Prison Officers”. If you are a devoted “A1” husband (handsome, responsible, principled) you could be imprisoned by the Prison Officer!

The good qualities of devoted husbands are rare and the beautiful Prison Officer knows that she has a good thing. Unfortunately, a good and devoted “A1” husband may inspire fear and not love in his partner. Many people respond to love by being afraid.

I remember a pastor who attended an important four-day conference for ministers. He and his wife usually attended this conference with other pastors, friends and their wives. In the middle of the conference, the pastor abruptly decided to leave. Everyone was shocked that the pastor would leave before the conference ended. He gave no reasons and just departed, leaving his wife and other friends behind.

Two years later one of his friends asked him, “I remember how you mysteriously left that conference. What was the reason?”

He hesitated and then answered, “I couldn’t take it any more, I was not enjoying the conference at all. Every time we came back to the hotel from the conference sessions, my wife was not happy with me.”

“She was not happy because I was friendly towards your wife and other ladies. I don’t think she likes it when I relate with any other ladies.”

He continued, “It has always been an issue in our marriage.”

“So what exactly made you leave?” he was asked.

“Well, one night whilst I was asleep, I opened my eyes and found my wife laying hands on me and casting out the spirit of adultery. I froze in the darkness of the hotel room and listened to the prayer that was being prayed over my head. I could not believe the prayers that were being said over my head.”

The pastor continued, “My wife thought I was asleep so she took the liberty to administer deliverance to me whilst I was asleep.”

This pastor continued lamenting and describing how he was constantly accused of unfaithfulness in spite of the fact that he had been faithful to his wife throughout their marriage.

He sighed, “That was the limit! After the laying on of hands and the midnight deliverance prayer I decided to leave the conference.”

Such is the unfortunate lot of the man married to a Prison Officer. She cannot stand his interaction with any other female. She wants you for herself absolutely and totally. No gaps allowed! It is not easy to be in a prison, no matter how nice it looks! Even house arrest is a difficult thing. Every prisoner wants to be free. John Wesley had the same amazing experience in marriage. Please note these words he penned to his wife.

“I DISLIKE BEING BUT A PRISONER AT LARGE EVEN WHEN I GO ABROAD. INASMUCH AS YOU ARE HIGHLY DISGUSTED IF I DO NOT GIVE AN ACCOUNT OF EVERY PLACE I GO TO AND EVERY PERSON WITH WHOM I CONVERSE”

John Wesley

John Wesley’s wife was completely focused on other women. She constantly accused him of having affairs with a string of other women. Mrs Wesley even accused John Wesley of having an affair with his brother, Charles Wesley’s, wife.

Some “Prison Officers” become even more fearful at celebrations. Celebrations of the marriage and of love may provoke even more negative responses of fear from this type of person. The declaration of love to a Prison Officer frightens her even more and reminds her of how great a blessing she has, and how terrible it would be to lose it!

Why would a handsome man marry a beautiful lady full of fear, insecurity and jealousy? The answer is simple. It is very difficult to see a Prison Officer from the outside. Most of them do not wear uniforms. It is also difficult to imagine the torment you will have when you are married to a Prison Officer.

As a young unsuspecting man, you may notice her jealousy and feel that you are really loved. Only a discerning person can see through the disguise of a future Prison Officer.

I remember a beautiful young wife who made a comment to her husband after he finished preaching. She simply remarked, “I am sure Felicia enjoyed your sermon.” Instead of saying she was blessed by his sermon, her mind was on Felicia who was also in church that day!

It is amazing that a beautiful lady can harbour vices like insecurity, jealousy and hatred. All these vices exist within the beauty but are completely submerged beneath the charm. Only the trained eye will notice the signs of looming trouble.

A gentle, soft-spoken personality is the perfect camouflage for the Prison Officer.

Stay in Prison

The main effect of this kind of marriage is to keep you under control by accusing you about every possible lady. If you employ someone, your wife will be against the person ; male or female. If you like someone, your wife will dislike that person. If you have a good relationship with someone, your wife will not have a good relationship with that person.

I remember a pastor’s wife who fought all the employees and relationships that her husband had developed in order to keep him to herself. Perhaps she just existed to accuse! This beautiful pastor’s wife attempted to change the records on the telephone bills to fabricate evidence that her husband was having affairs with some church members. She was desperate to prove that her husband was calling young girls at midnight. Fortunately, she was unable to get the telephone company to change the telephone records for her to justify her false accusation.

The Control of an Accuser

For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.

Romans 8:14

You must be led by the Holy Spirit and not by a woman. The most dangerous thing about a Prison Officer is her ability to control your life. The most deadly danger of a Prison Officer is her ability to “take over” from the Holy Spirit. The Prison Officer takes over from the Holy Spirit and leads you into the path she has chosen. Many curses were released into the world when Adam turned from following God to following his wife.

And unto Adam he said, Because thou hast HEARKENED UNTO THE VOICE OF THY WIFE, and hast eaten of the tree, of which I commanded thee, saying, Thou shalt not eat of it: CURSED is the ground for thy sake; in sorrow shalt thou eat of it all the days of thy life;

Genesis 3:17

The mind of your beautiful Prison Officer wife works like a character in a soap opera, constantly discussing and analysing different affairs and scandals. The dangerous thought patterns of the soft-spoken beauty are seen in her comments and innuendos. She has a strong awareness of the ever-present love affairs, scandals, adulteries and betrayals that exist in the world.

Indeed, the Prison Officer fights for control and dominance with every possible tool. She threatens her husband with the consequence of having sex with other ladies. I remember one lady who said to her husband, “If you dare fornicate with someone you will lose your anointing.”

Some “Prison Officers” use hysteria to threaten the poor pastor. A certain wife was known to throw herself on the floor, screaming and rolling all over the living room floor. Outsiders would run into the house to find out what was happening, only to find the man of God’s wife on the floor, screaming and rolling.

Indeed, what an embarrassment and indictment on the pastor. What did he do to make his wife scream and roll? What was happening? What evil was going on between the pastor and his wife? Outsiders would naturally think, “This must be a bad pastor to have caused such a gentle beauty to scream and roll all over the house!” Obviously, the pastor would back down and try to do everything to prevent the screaming and the rolling.

The Prison Officer also has a political mind that instantly sees things in groups and parties: my friends-your friends, my relatives-your relatives, my staff-your staff, my people-your people, my mother-your mother, my father-your father!

A Prison Officer’s political mind is constantly searching and suspiciously diagnosing the likes and dislikes of people. It is revealed when she describes her opinion of your likes and dislikes. She is always suspiciously looking out for whom she thinks you like.

For instance, she will say things like; “You like chicken”. “You like rice.” “You like fair people.” “You like boys from Spartan College.” “You like girls from Victoria Girls’ High School”.

Such a person will notice the different tribes or groupings within a group. For instance, such a person may say, “Everybody in the new government is from the Western Region.” “Everybody in the new government is Yoruba.”

In the same way, the Prison Officer will quickly identify the people that she thinks her husband likes. Then, with her sick mind, she will proceed to accuse, intimidate and harass the poor man about these people. “You like Freda. You like Samantha. You like Jessica. You like Vanessa. You like Esmeralda. You like Winifred ” !!!!!!!

Usually, there are some names of people that the poor husband is accused of being interested in. The presence of these prominent names makes the accusations seem valid. In the case of John Wesley, his wife constantly accused him about two or three particular ladies. Names like Betty Disine, Sarah Crosby and Sarah Ryan are mentioned as women that John Wesley is supposed to have been interested in.

What You Can Expect

The Prison Officer will frown upon the kindness and attention you show to any other lady in your life. Initially, it may be a mild frown. As time progresses and as respect diminishes, the frown will develop into open disapproval characterised by pointed questions.

If the soft-spoken aspersions are successful in curtailing relationships, they will continue. As and when a new girl shows up, these accusations will be revived. Most of the time, the manipulative power of accusations is strong enough to control a principled young man who loves the Lord and wants to have a good marriage.

There are, however, some ladies who are not prepared to stop at subtle comments, suggestions or even direct accusations. Such women break out into openly aggressive and violent accusations. If you have married such a woman she will openly confront people she does not like.

I remember one lady who went to the home of her husband’s assistant with a team of supporters to confront the lady whom she suspected of being in love with her husband. They arrived with a warlike team to warn the lady to stay off her husband.

One pastor said to me, “My wife has had so many confrontations with so many women in the church. I have to bow my head in shame because of my wife.”

Such a lady will openly confront church members, relatives or even bystanders whom she suspects of having even the faintest interest in her husband.

I remember one wife who would confront parents from her children’s school on the school’s car park. The bewildered parent would stumble away not knowing what the confrontation was about.

From the very beginning the Prison Officer will find something wrong with many external friendships. She will find something wrong with the choir leader, the worship leader and all other people that you worked happily with before she came on the scene. As time goes on, more and more people will be added to the list of unacceptable relationships.

You can expect to have many quarrels with your wife over the different people you work with. If one were listening outside the window of this couple’s bedroom, one would think that you had stumbled into arguments about a real affair. In reality however, it may be just an argument about a Prison Officer’s suspicions, imaginations and delusions.

Kathryn Khulman and the Prison Officer

In the life story of Kathryn Khulman, we see how she travelled with her sister who was married to an evangelist. She had a first hand glimpse into her sister’s marriage. A stormy marriage is what we read about but the details are even more revealing. Kathryn Khulman’s sister, Myrtle, was constantly accusing her husband of consorting with other women. She became more and more hard and unyielding with time. Kathryn Khulman said her sister reminded her of their mother who had been equally hard and unyielding to her father.

I have met several pastors who have had to relieve different ladies from positions of importance to appease their wives. In his quest to walk in love towards his wife, the pastor will agree to get rid of “suspected lovers”. The first one will go and the second will follow soon. One after another, the different ladies will be removed from every place of importance. Soon, you will have a long list of ladies who have been removed from every position of importance.

One such lady was rebuked by her daughter. She said to her mother, “Is the list of women that you claim Daddy to be in love with, not too long?”

Amazingly, this pastor was accused by his wife of being in love with ladies who even belonged to other religions.

Another daughter said of her mother, “My mother has accused my father of being in love with so many women including our aunties and other relatives. Even people who could be aunties to Daddy have been included in the list.”

One pastor remarked to me, “I have been accused of having something to do with both ladies and men.”

It is not a small thing to spend your life with someone who believes that you are having an affair. You will never have a certain kind of happiness from your relationship and marriage!

One day I was standing with a great man of God whose wife had been accusing him of having affairs with a long list of ladies. He said to me, “Can you believe that my wife called me tonight to warn me about an eighty-two year old lady who was attending this programme?”

My jaw dropped in disbelief because I knew the lady he was talking about. This woman was a jolly round great grandmother.

He continued, “She said to me over the phone, ‘Don’t forget I have warned you many times about that woman. I know she is after you. She wants to have sex with you. She will not stop chasing you till she gets you.’”

Even though she was miles away, this Prison Officer was controlling her husband through warnings, accusations and suggestions. The Prison Officer earnestly seeks to keep you in confinement, even though she is far away.

The Dangers of Being Married to a Prison Officer

1. Accusations: You are in danger of becoming an accuser yourself. You may respond to the accusations with an equally matched accusation. Many people feel that they are justified in getting divorced or separated from a Prison Officer. They say, “No one would be able to endure what I am enduring in this marriage.” Be very careful that you do not respond in the wrong way. Notice this amazing scripture:

Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.

Proverbs 26:4

2. Strife: You must watch out for the dangers of strife. The Bible warns that the fruit of righteousness must be sown in the midst of peace by those who make peace.

And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.

James 3:18

3. Bitterness: You must also watch out for the dangers of bitterness and hatred. It is natural to dislike someone who accuses you constantly. It is not natural to love someone who accuses you. Only the supernatural love of God can make you love your accuser and that is what you must pray for.

4. Lust: You must watch out for the dangers of lust. Everyone notices things that are pointed out to you. When your wife accuses you about a lady, you will notice her more than the other ladies. One day you may say, “Since that is what they are expecting of me, I might as well do it.” You may become a fornicator although you never intended to.

5. Divorce: You must watch out for the dangers of divorce. As your home turns into a place of bitter contention, you will desire to be away from it. You may find solace and peace in the company of trusting and loving people. Through this forced disassociation with your wife, you may develop other relationships. You may have an affair you do not intend to have. You may separate from your wife and you may end up divorced. Remember that this is satan’s ultimate plan and you must ensure that it does not happen.

I declare you to be an overcomer in every prison you find yourself in. Receive the anointing of Joseph who overcame in the prison!

by Dag Heward-Mills

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ilovearticlesoffaith-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Warning: Ministry Marriages are Different from Ordinary Marriages

Have ye forgotten the wickedness of your fathers, and the wickedness of the kings of Judah, and THE WICKEDNESS OF THEIR WIVES, and your own wickedness, and THE WICKEDNESS OF YOUR WIVES, which they have committed in the land of Judah, and in the streets of Jerusalem?

Jeremiah 44:9

This book does not apply to you if you are not a pastor.

Do not continue to read this book if you are not a pastor.

If you are not a pastor please stop here!

If you are not a pastor and you continue reading you will criticize things you do not understand.

If you are not a pastor, please get another book on marriage. There are many good books on marriage that will help your life greatly. If you need information on how to get a good book on marriage, please ask at the nearest bookshop.

It is a blessing to have a good marriage and I am aware of many great and good marriages that are marvellous blessings. What are some of the blessings of a great marriage?

1. A good marriage is a blessing because two are better than one.There are many scriptures that attest to this fact.

Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone? And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

2. A good marriage is a blessing because a married couple can do ten times as much as a single person.

How should one chase a thousand, and two put ten thousand to flight, except their Rock had sold them, and the Lord had shut them up?

Deuteronomy 32:30

3. A good marriage is a blessing because a married man has great favour with God.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22

Even though a good marriage is a great blessing, there are many different types of marriages. Not all marriages end up achieving the aim of being a blessing to the couple.

“Counterfeit” marriages only exist because there are real and good marriages.

This book is about certain types of marriages that do exist. This is a book for pastors and their marriages and NOT for ordinary Christians or non-believers. A large part of this book will not apply to you if you are not a pastor or a pastor’s wife.

Many books on marriage make pastors feel that they are married to the wrong person because their marriages are not as nice sounding as the author’s.

Then they become shocked when they hear that pastors with such apparently fantastically good marriages are getting divorced.

This is not a book about normal marriages. This book is nota balanced two-sided discussion on marital issues. I could indeed write a book about both husbands and wives. I could also write a book about how to have a successful marriage. I could even write a book about how to overcome the various problems that couples face in marriage. However, I am not doing that in this volume. I have chosen to write a book on a topic that is not usually discussed.

This book is about the wickedness of wives. I am writing this book about the wickedness that is submerged beneath the beauty of many wives. If you are looking for a good book on marriage, please find another book, as this is not that book. This book is about the beauty, the beast that is in some pastors’ wives and the struggles that pastors have with them. Many pastors marry beauties! But many beauties are also beasts!

I am aware that most people would be afraid to suggest that kind and gentle-looking wives could have any wickedness in them. As I said, I am not intending to have a balanced, two-sided discussion on marriage. If you want a balanced discussion about the good and bad sides of men and the good and bad sides of women, please stop reading now. This is a book about the wickedness of wives, especially the wickedness of some Christian wives and some ministers’ wives.

The prophet Jeremiah lamented about the wickedness that wives had committed in Judah and in Jerusalem. These wives were not unbelieving wives but wives that belonged to the house of Israel. The wickedness of the wives that Jeremiah spoke of was the wickedness of idolatry and rebellion against God. The wickedness I am writing about is also about the rebellion of some ministers’ wives against God’s word.

This, indeed, is a book for ministers and their wives. This is a book that describes some of the experiences that devoted Christians and men of God experience in their marriages. This book is in fact about marital situations that ministers find themselves in, but are unable to talk about.

But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless SUCH SHALL HAVE TROUBLE in the flesh: but I spare you.

1 Corinthians 7:28

Paul prophesied that those who marry would have trouble in the flesh. Perhaps that is why he did not marry. And by the way, I have not written this book because I do not know any negative things about men. I do! Also, I have not written this book because I want to write negative things about women. I believe so much in the ministry, the anointing, the wisdom and the role of women that I have appointed and promoted many women in ministry. I do not know anyone who has identified and appointed more women as pastors than I have, although I am sure there are others.

As you read on, you may wonder why I do not balance the bad sides of women with the bad sides of men. The reason is simple; that is not the aim of this book! If I were to write about the terrible sins of men in marriage, I would completely miss the message God has given me. If I were to do that, this book would be far bigger than it is and people like you, who do not read much, would not even attempt to read it.

This book is intended to explain some of the mysterious roles women have played in the lives of ministers. We praise our women and are grateful for their role in marriage and ministry. Without the help of women, we would not achieve much in the work of God. I believe that one of the secrets of church growth is to work with women and give them prominence.

Women are praised but little is said about their negative ways, because every one is afraid to look bad or sound as though they have any difficulties in their marriage. But I would not like to keep back anything that may be profitable to you.

… I kept back nothing that was profitable unto you, but have shewed you, and have taught you publicly, and from house to house,

Acts 20:20

The beauty is real but the beast is also real! Little is said about the destructive role of women in ministry. Our Book, the Bible, is not silent on the role of women in the destruction of this world. Through Eve, Adam’s life and ministry were destroyed. Through Eve, the whole human race has been sent into darkness and difficulty.

There are many pastors who are in distress, in darkness and in difficulty through their beautiful well made-up wives.

The reason for this book is to help give the real picture about what some people are experiencing.

Another reason for this book is to help those who are about to choose a “beauty”. It is important for them to know that their “beauty” can easily turn into a “beast”! Hopefully, this book will also help all beautiful women not to turn into beasts!

When John Wesley was still single, he fell ill and stayed with a lady who later became his wife. He described how beautiful, how pleasant and how nice she was. Her words were memorable! Her tone was soft! John Wesley was drawn uncontrollably to her comforting love! In his words, Molly, his future wife gave him all the assurances he ever needed. He described her kind of love as intense! He spoke about her “inviolable affection”. This English word (inviolable) goes even beyond my ability to interpret. Eiii!Inviolable affection! I wish to quote from John Wesley, when he first met his “beauty”, his “beloved” Molly (before he married her).

John Wesley said, “I HAD ALL THE ASSURANCES WHICH WORDS COULD GIVE, OF THE MOST INTENSE AND INVIOLABLE AFFECTION.”

But one day, after years of marriage he used completely different words to describe her. His beauty had become a beast. One day, his wife was leaving home and embarking on a journey. This is the woman he spoke of having intense inviolable affection for. He said to her as she went out of the door: “I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOUR WICKED FACE AGAIN.”

“I hope I never see your wicked face again” was the wish of John Wesley after he had experienced the “beast” in his “beauty”. This is a classic example of the pastor who marries a beauty who turns into a beast!

Indeed, this book is also intended to strengthen the arms of those who are deeply embedded in irreversible marriage situations. I hope that this book will help to prevent ministers from divorcing by giving them an understanding of what they are actually experiencing.

I am sure many people will identify things in this book that they can relate with. Use the knowledge, the understanding and the wisdom that you receive from these words to fight the good fight of faith. Marriage is one of the tests we face and we must succeed in it! For some people, marriage is the greatest comfort they will ever have! For some people, marriage is the greatest cross they will ever bear! Some people have excellent marriages. But not all ministers have a good experience or a good story to tell about marriage. Indeed, there are many ministers who would describe their marriage as a battle.

Many great men of God speak about their “excellent marriages” in such a way that intimidates and confuses other Christians and pastors. When other ministers hear their descriptions of their marriages, they shrink away. “Wow,” they say to themselves, “I dare not discuss my marriage situation with these blessed ones.” (This also happens when pastors attend pastors’ conferences and hear fantastic stories about mega churches that have thousands of members.) Most ordinary pastors feel intimidated because they do not have thousands of members attending their churches.

Pastors hear amazing statements from these picture-perfect marriages:

“My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“I owe my life and my ministry to my wife!”

“I don’t know where I would be without my wife!”

“There would be no ‘me’ without ‘you’!”

“There is none like you! No one else can touch my heart like you do!”

“I cannot go anywhere without my wife!”

My wife is my greatest assistant, partner and support!”

“I have never quarrelled with my wife before!’

“I tell my wife, ‘I love you’ ten times every day!”

“I cannot imagine living for even one day without my wife!”

“My wife and I sleep in each other’s arms every night!”

“My wife is my closest friend in this world!”

“Whenever I miss my wife, I kiss her picture. But when I see her, I kiss the real thing!”

“My wife is the most beautiful lady in the whole world, my soul mate, my life partner, my friend, my joy, my darling and my heartthrob!”

“If marks were being given for good marriages, I would get 99 per cent!’

Wow! These are wonderful statements! I wish everyone would be able to say all the things above. These are exactly the kinds of marriages we need if we are to succeed in the ministry.

But this is not the experience that all married ministers have! How do I know? I know because I have been in the ministry for many years and I know thousands of pastors. I also know this for a fact because of the rate of divorce amongst pastors. Many ministers have made the statements above, portraying pictures that depict the greatest love of all, only to announce later that they were getting divorced.

For some people, the opposite of all these statements may be more true. There are some pastors who would prefer to say things like:

“My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world, but it is not easy to live with her!’

“I wish I could be delivered from my wife!”

“My wife is the greatest opposer of my life and ministry.”

“My wife is the greatest accuser and tormentor of my life!”

“We have not had sex for several months!”

“My wife and I have not been speaking since last month!”

“I don’t tell my wife, ‘I love you’ because I do not want to lie!”

“I can’t wait for the day I will be without my wife!”

“My wife and I sleep at opposite ends of the bed every night!”

“I am not close to my wife any more!”

“I do not miss my wife. Whenever I see her picture, I weep for the sorrow in my heart!”

“My marriage is the greatest mistake of my life!”

“If I had a different wife, I would have achieved more in the ministry.”

Many of us behave like African herbalists when it comes to marriage. Why do I say so? An African herbalist usually has a single potion that is supposed to cure every ailment you could ever have. This herbalist’s potion can cure bad eyesight, piles, toothache, hypertension, diabetes, cancer, rashes, asthma, waist pains, erectile dysfunction, constipation, diarrhoea, general weakness, impotence, etc. You will hear the herbalist advertising his potions and convincing his audience with great zeal. It is only the ignorant who are taken in by claims that one drug can cure all these things. We all know that the same medicine cannot correct your eyesight, your hip pain, your diarrhoea, your skin rashes as well as your high blood pressure and your haemorrhoids.

Yet, when it comes to marriage, most people have one potion that they apply to all marriages. They assume that every marriage is the same and they therefore apply the same measures to every type of marriage. This is a serious mistake because there are different kinds of marriages.

In some cases, you have a very good “devoted husband” who does absolutely everything a husband should do. And sometimes the devoted husband has an equally good wife who does all the things a “devoted” wife could ever do. On the other hand, a devoted husband could have the worst kind of female as his wife. A “devoted” wife could have an evil husband who does not even deserve to have a wife.

Many situations are so varied that they have to be understood on a case-by-case basis. It is wrong to crucify both the good and the bad together on the same day. (Jesus Christ was crucified withthieves and it gave the impression that Jesus Christ was a common thief, simply because He was given the same treatment as a common criminal).

Every marriage gives rise to different experiences. Some people just have to follow the “Seven steps to a good marriage”and they will experiencegreat happiness. There are others who can follow “Seventy steps to a good marriage”, but will never have happiness.

Indeed, I have met several “unmarriageable” people. They cannot and probably should not marry because they are not suitable for marriage. They simply will never be happy in any marriage situation. Unfortunately, when an “unmarriageable” lady is very beautiful, she is quickly signed in to a marriage and ends up creating an intolerable situation for a pastor. The counselling given to an “unmarriageable” person must be very different from the counselling given to a normal person.

This book is written to give counsel to people who are in certain kinds of marriages. Be careful if you are in one of the good marriage situations because you may be tempted to criticize marriages you do not understand!

Throughout this book I will intentionally not make mention of the personal blessings I have enjoyed in my own marriage. I will also not mention any challenges in my own marriage. Why is that? If I do mention the blessings of my own marriage, you may feel intimidated and think that your marriage is not good. Indeed, if I speak of my own challenges, you may probably not understand them! So just be blessed and receive healing for your life and marriage through the words in these pages.

by Dag Heward-Mills

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