#keeping it vague so I don't have to tag things;;
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Bad Day (Papa Emeritus IV x Gender-Neutral!Reader)
Requested by @ollies-station !!! <3
Tags: Fluff, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Reader Is Hinted Trans But It's Pretty Vague, Mentions Of Body Dysmorphia/Dysphoria, 2nd Person POV
Copia hovered over you, paints smudged and halfway wiped off. He stopped in the middle of washing his face when he noticed something wasn't right with you. You lay face down in the bed, unmoving, just so done with life.
"Eh... t-tesoro, what's wrong?" Copia asks warily, head tilted like a confused puppy, eyes darting around the room awkwardly. He was never very good at comforting people. But you were the love of his life, how could he not at least try to be of help? He just can't stand to see you like this.
"Everything." You reply hoarsely, muffled by the pillow you were crying into earlier. You were hardly exaggerating, everything seemed to be going wrong and sending you further down a spiral. Not to mention, you've not been very kind to yourself today either. When you first woke up, things immediately felt off. You felt off. Looking into the mirror, you instantly felt dread, like something wasn't quite right with you. Deep rooted insecurities bubbled up to the surface, your body not feeling like your own. You just want the day to be over already, but every passing moment feels like eternity.
"Bad day, huh?" Copia sighs, sitting down on the bed with you, mindful to give you a little bit of space if you needed it. You finally lift your head up, and the sight makes Copias heart ache. Red, puffy face, tear stains down your cheeks, hair tussled and greasy. You hadn't even gotten a chance to shower that morning, notably the first sign today wasn't going to be all that great. You probably looked like a hot mess right now, but to Copia, you were the most beautifully ethereal being he'd ever laid his eyes on, no matter what state you were in.
"Is there anything I can do?" Copia asks concernedly, softly stroking your back with a gloved hand. "Do you want to talk about it? It might make you feel better."
"Maybe... But there's still so much stuff I have to do today-"
"Non importante. Whatever needs to get done today, I will do it for you. You've had enough stress put on you today, now it's time for you to relax. Now, tell your Papa what is wrong, okie dokie?"
You couldn't help yourself, airing out all your grievances to him. You spared no details, every little thing that went wrong and every little worry you had was brought to his attention, and he listened intently to every word. That was the one thing he's always been very good at. Listening. And he was right, it did make you feel a little better, especially with how earnest you could tell he was.
When it was all said and done, he said nothing at first, simply holding you close to his chest, his warmth and sweet smell of cologne quickly lulling you into a sense of security and comfort. You knew you always had a safe space with him.
"Bad days come and go, amore. You must keep in mind that this won't last forever. The good days will come back sooner than you think. And yes, maybe they will fleet sooner than you want them to as well, but the important thing is that they will come again. Look outside, tesoro..." You did as you were told, gazing out the window to see the sun slowly setting over the horizon.
"The day is almost over, you see? And tomorrow is a new day. A better day. Why don't you sit here for a moment and focus on that while I run you a nice relaxing bath, hm? I'll quickly run whatever errands you have left today, and after that I'll order some takeout for the two of us, how's that sound? I'll get you whatever you want."
"And... And can we maybe watch something after? And cuddle?" You sniffle. A comfort show would be great right now. He smiles. "Of course! Anything for my baby." He presses a chaste kiss to your forehead, pulling away to get up and do the tasks he promised. You quickly grab the lapels of his jacket, keeping him from leaving you so soon.
"Copia... You know you don't have to do this, right? I'll be fine, really." You murmur, self conscious and worried that you're asking too much of this sweet, perfect man you've somehow managed to claim as yours. He chuckled.
"I know, amore; I want to. I want to make you happy, I want to make things easier for you. Because I love you. Because you deserve that. Capisci?" He says, a gentle firmness in his soft-spoken voice. Hesitantly, you nod. Still, you don't let go of his jacket just yet.
"Could you stay with me for just a little while longer?" You ask, hopeful and bleary eyed. He grins.
"As long as you need, tesoro."
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#the band ghost#ghost bc#ghost band#ghost band fanfic#papa emertius#papa emeritus iv#papa emeritus iv x reader#papa copia#cardinal copia x reader#cardinal copia#copia emeritus#copia#frater imperator#frater imperator x reader#hurt/comfort#nameless ghouls#ghost band fandom#fluff fic
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I really love how all the characters tease Tashigi about her obvious crushes.
#[ she's got an impossible dream but at least not a boring one. ooc ]#keeping it vague so I don't have to tag things;;#lol;;
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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looping echidna beastlife gif from trying to figure out toonboom
#based loosely off the bird who keeps taunting my cats through the window. brown headed cowbird who will sit there#and flap it's wings and yell until the cats show up and then it starts pecking at the window and jumping back and forth in front of them#weird bird.#it's done this for like two years now i think#anyways. sound it makes when it fluffs up is vaguely similar to echidnas birdsong soundboard noise thing. so. yeag#whisp whispers#my art#ALSO. ANIMATION PRECOLLEGE IS SO AWESOME. IM SO. AHRHRHNFMDM GET ME OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL PRLESDRRRE GIVE ME AN ART TEACJER WHO CARES ABOUT ART#it's so awesome here. toonboom access!!!! this is so awesome. guys toonboom is so awesome. not to turn a hobby into a job but like i was#genuinely kind of sad when i didn't get to go to school over the weekend it's so awesome here. who was going to tell me college doesn't suck#miserably all the time. like it's a precollege but still this is so ??? so much better than anything i've done in the past 8 years#<-except for fine crafts one i miss u fine crafts ...... not even a fine arts credit. but it was a nice class#anyways point being. hm. maybe i could animate for a job. i used to think about it but hs art magnet is so bad guys it's so bad .and i#was like hm this sucks actually. also like worst period of my life but that's unrelated . but this is so. nice? and im DOING things and i#feel like i'm learning??? god i hope dual enrollment goes well maybe i will be able to make it through college...#im so. this is so awesome. precollege animation 2-week intensive thing i love you i love you i love you#BTW GUYS DID YOU KNOW ALL AUTODESK PRODUCTS ARE FREE AS LONG AS UR IN ANY SCHOOLING. MAYA. FOR FREE. FOR AS LONG AS ENROLLED IN ANY SCHOOL#AND THEN SOME !!! i don't even like 3d modeling that much but. maya for free??? that's awesome. that's awesome!! anyways#rambling. i think i missed all normal tags. uhhhhhhhhh#beastlife#<-oh no i only missed that one. awesome. guys i love it here this is so. arbrnsnnm i love you figure drawing. i'm having fun!#with charcoal!!!!! i thought i hated charcoal but this is like !!!!! so aweosme ?????? i'm#this is so awesome. this is so awesome. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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#𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 ⠀⠀(⠀ⅰ.⠀)⠀⠀𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑:⠀⠀ಇ⠀⠀oh-kae!#cw negative#tw negative#cw vent#tw vent#tagging this for people who don't want this kind of negative content on their feeds!#remember to protect urself first.#and i'll keep this super vague not to be like . . dramatic? but just because i only need to get this off my chest.#but i need to vent so badly because i'm reaching a breaking point. i can /feel/ the anxiety building up in my throat.#i've been 10000 % vibing on my own and really comfy here! i've been loud n' proud about that.#but ever since i've been active here it feels like old issues are rising up and it feels like borderline harrassment.#like. under the radar.#i know this isn't anything anyone is going to have noticed or seen or anything.#but talking with friends who do notice and stuff. i just hit a bad point all of a sudden.#i'm not going to openly talk about problems here on the dash of course.#but drags my hands down my face. i just want to do my own thing man.#i have more time to be here now that school is done for a couple months & i just wanna enjoy it to the fullest hah#i'm finally back into enjoying ahri the way i used to!#but. i dunno. i might bury my head into my inbox & retreat into some video games or something.#i don't really need reassurance or affirmations because this isn't a pity post or anything.#i feel validated by the amazing friends and interactions i get here as is! so thank you to all of you. seriously. ily#but good lord.#i dunno i just wanted to vent and i will delete this later.
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Black Arum ┆ Siegrain
Content warning: main character death, cannibalism, gore, toxic/unreliable narrator, highly canon divergent character portrayal. Read at your own risk. You will probably take psychic damage from this.
╳┆A lure was stuck in the soot between his lungs. Many times he'd felt the tug — enough that the wire fray had worn a rut where his ribs met — and many times he'd found her on the other end, reeling for remnants of him that no longer existed. She would aim to break him open, sift around in the cinders for those specks of him she wanted to confiscate, keep for herself, so that she could finally be rid of him. Once those flecks were washed and panned, the remains would reek like plough mud closure. For that reason he would come to her whole, every whit of ash accounted for.
A cherry little game they'd play. Her with flint and steel, eager to reignite that paltry spark of "good" that flickered freely for a lapse before he remembered himself. Him with tinder and kindling, letting it light only to call on the rain again. Her with just enough hope. Him with just enough time.
That resolve was so very compelling. More than her beauty, her candor, and even that glow he so loved to bask in — that luster he wanted to hold between his teeth and bury under his nails — more than that, her tenacity was a toothsome temptation, and he wasn't keen to deny himself anything.
So when he felt the pull, he caved to the beck and spooled the lisle. That day, the line seemed lighter, thinner, than it ever had. It should've been strong. Tensile. Instead it felt gossamer fine and just as frail, poised to tear at an ill touch, and he wasn’t exactly renowned for his gentle hands. Still, he gathered it with both palms and wrapped it proudly around himself like a ceremonial sash, grin scrawled across his face something devilish.
╳┆He found her lying in the shade beneath a long-lived magnolia, still and silent as she never was, with the color of her namesake spread around her head in halo streaks. Battle-torn, as she so often was, and yet uncannily... passive.
Anything he'd planned to say went out the airlock. Instead, he stood there with an anchor in his stomach, reaping the benefit of doubt.
Not a frown nor a sigh when he darkened her sanctum, only heavenward eyes tearless and unblinking and a resigned breath just short of peaceful. That worn tether waned phantom thin, light as helium, and the tension in his chest went slack.
There was no definite snap. No dramatic severing or ear-popping moment of clarity. Only the vague sense of loss so fresh a wound that denial was a numbing salve.
“Get up,” his voice a command, sandgrit against whetstone, thickened by an unnamed antigen.
The silence felt like mockery. A placid scene void of chittering fauna, clouds' drum, or even the most timid breeze. It wanted him to hear the absence of her breath and the stillness of her chest. It wanted him to hear the hollow. The empty. The nothing. Wanted it to resonate; to find the furthest reaches of his mind and clean them out until all that was left was this icy, clarifying silence.
He knew the end when he saw it. This was something much worse. It was robbery.
Her life wasn’t for the world to take. It was for him to hold in his hands.
Something wet and pathetic slicked his tongue — some whiny, pleading thing — and it was stubborn as oil. The authority slid to the back of his throat and left him choking, “You are the indomitable Titania. You’ve laced fingers with Death time and again only to rise and slay and conquer, so get up.”
Her warmth was set to a slow drip, spilling from her in tired beads and seeping soundlessly into her chosen ground. Little whispers of her lost to greedy loam, sullied, never to be returned.
A waste of precious love. The sod won’t drink of her as he will. It will take of her and give back what? New “life” so fragile and fleeting? A feeble weed will take root, bloom its days few, and curl itself inside out? Pathetic. An insult to her legacy. An insult to the diamond-split sharp of her bladesoul.
His heart boiled over — popping, sticking, simmering sicksweet saccharine. It colored him cloying, flooded his mouth, and forced him to kneel at her altar.
"Please," he keened, hollow and morose, and his own pleading sickened him, “Say something.”
The sun trickled through the leaves like ichor, lighting up her black-blown eyes and the thin ring of honey surrounding them. Dim, distant, and dead as the moon.
His hand carved a path to her face, fingers featherlight against her fading flush. He brushed her bangs from her eyes and forced an unbroken breath through his quavering mouth. He traced each scar too faint to see and the parts of her skin their star kissed. Memorized the map of her face — each curve and crease, each fine hair, and every eyelash. He would carve out a space in his mind in her shape and fill it with the thousand sweet nothings he kept in his pockets.
He gathered her hand and threaded it with his own. When he opened his mouth, a rickety twine escaped from the deepest point of his chest, so he forced his jaws shut to keep the grief corked. He uncurled her fingers and pressed his cheek into her palm, trapping her there against his own scarred skin. His eyes fell shut as he breathed in this borrowed touch — this moment fated, stolen from him by this world's insatiable avarice.
He kissed her palm directly in the center; held it against his mouth and felt his own ruined breath echo back to him from the deepest grooves of her skin. Again, he begged, “Please, Erza.”
Of the armors innumerable now haunting this hallowed ground, this one least befit her.
He revered Death. If there was a god, surely it was Death, he thought, for Death asks for nothing but life. The dead don’t know that they’re dead. They know a split second of euphoria and then a sharp, definite end. Isn’t that the work of a gracious god? One last stroke of color whether in peace or peril, and then eternal rest. Back to the dust you sprouted from.
But now he couldn’t see any of that beauty he often waxed poetic about. All he could see was change yet to come. All he could see was her, and he wanted her back.
He wanted her back, yet he knew better than anyone that there was no such thing as resurrection. While Death might be gracious, it was not generous, and it was not to be reasoned with.
The thought of her buried deep, bathed by the dark and abandoned to rot — it washed his mouth acid sour. It ate straight through his tongue and lingered in the roots of his teeth, burning, raging redhot in his jaws’ marrow. A grave didn't suit her anymore than a pyre.
Soon she would be cold. Stiff. A feast for flies and their insatiable young. In the days to come, she would bubble and bloat and sallow. Her skin would loosen and slough off. The sun would bleach her bones. The meat of her would melt into oil and fat and bogspit. She would mix in with the soil, the groundwater, and this thankless magnolia would thrive.
It was tall, thick, with branches spread in all directions. The lowest of its limbs showed off the varied deep greens of its large waxy leaves, their undersides a chalky brown. A few white flowers bloomed, palm-shaped petals open in praise like they'd come to witness and worship. There was no question why she'd chosen to crawl here. It must've reminded her of home.
Despite its beauty, it was hardly worthy of her. Nothing in this ravenous world was. Her grave should be carved within his chest. There, he could keep her warm. He could host her in his veins. One day, they would wade the waters of woe together. Until then she could live under his skin.
He wouldn’t allow her to spoil. Wouldn’t place her gently into time’s whittlesome hands only to lose her peel by peel by rotting peel.
This world has taken much from you. Do not allow it to take her too.
A carnal ache etched itself into bone, a depth of passion he hadn't felt since he wrought for a false Heaven.
She is a fruit, ripe as a plum and twice the taste. Peel her open. There is a seed at her core. Plant it in your soot-field chest and watch her bloom anew.
What are these hands for if not this?
Flesh like sheets of silk. Muscle like rope. Blood like honey. Bone like an ivory trove. The splitting, the squelching, the straining, ripping, snapping; it burrowed marrow-deep and lingered there. Her chest peeled apart like jagged teeth, jaws croaking their rusted tune, and inside that redslick maw was the center of the universe.
The heart upon its throne, still as she, shielded by her precious lungs. It slid into his palm like it was always meant to be there. Raw, rich, and so very scarlet. Its sinews strained against his pull — those hollow vines that fed even the furthest parts of her — so he wrenched them free and draped himself in them like matchless finery.
Eat. Eat ‘til you’re sick. There’s a hole the size of her in the pit of your stomach. Eat until you fill it.
What are these teeth for if not this?
Tough as leather; smooth as rubber. His teeth slid right off the rind and clicked together with nothing but metallic sheen between them. He gnashed at that ink-dripping muscle until he found a spot weak enough to tear apart. It tasted of rare meat and iron; a heady gore thick enough to drown in. He swallowed, gasped, and that first new breath felt like a blade.
The child inside him saw her split-open ribs as his cradle. He wanted to crawl inside, curl up, and die. He wanted to paint himself her color.
He lost his vision to the hot, angry wash. His own sobs were a distant sound, muffled by meat and blood and his own desperate fingers. He was numb in the mouth and in the shake of his hands, but he forced himself to eat, eat despite the choking, the gagging, the wet, weeping remorse.
Don’t you dare throw her up. Be grateful. Swallow and say thank you and finish what you’ve started.
He bit into his own palm, indistinguishable from her core, and he cried out in sour relief. His hands spread raw grief over his face, through his hair, and down his neck.
You’re no better than this starving world.
He curled into himself, hands clutching his own aching chest, and despite the cloudless sky, he called upon the rain.
#v: ✗ ┆ siegrain ┆ ◜ canon divergent ◞#⚶ ┆ ◜ drabbles ◞#I was in a silly goofy mood#reader beware#this one was an exorcism.#needed to purge this depravity.#hey guys what if I bare my soul and it's a festering wound.#did I provide context? no. am I sorry? also no.#this only works in darkverse.#this is very obviously not inline with canon Jellal's personality but with a mutated version of him I created to balance ->#the healing arc I'm putting him through in mainverse.#not love but a secret other thing (obsession. possession.)(...take my money... I don't need that shit...)#& now she haunts the narrative. in my mind. and his too.#In my defense I've never claimed not to be a degenerate#yeah actually I am kind of embarrassed about this thank you for asking#never thought I’d have to say this but I do not endorse or condone cannibalism.#hey Sieg have you ever thought about chilling. calming down perhaps. I say as if I did not put him in this situation.#I fear this is one of those things I’m going to look back on in a few months & say: that should've stayed in the drafts.#me personally I love posting cringe. it's what I deserve.#if god exists I will have to answer for this. catch me in the river Acheron sipping on straight up anguish.#can you tell I have been confronted by the fleeting nature of mortality more often than usual lately. be honest.#actually I decided to not to go too into depth with the gore this time. I feel like keeping it vague lends more to the fugue state#also because it was giving me REALLY weird dreams. so like. yeah. I could've made this worse. but should I have?#tags bout damn long as the drabble. sorry gang.#cannibalism tw#gore tw#main character death tw#body horror tw#dayne’s depravity#daynedepravity
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i wish there was some kind of @ mutuals thing to tag all my mutuals at once. would have been a cool thing to see on the social blogging website. ah, well, missed opportunities.
anyway, with the whole "we're basically giving up on this website and gutting the moderation/support team" thingy going around i'm going to be pursuing a dual strategy of "drive it until the wheels fall off" and "start looking for a new car in the meantime" and in that vein I sent a handful of mutuals a post about a potential alternative before i realized that i'm not sure that alternative is currently accepting new users. hmm.
anyway, i'm gonna mention most if not all my mutuals here on a reblog and if we're mutuals and you'd like to prepare for tunglr going down (eventually, someday, in an indeterminate but visible future), send me a message or an off-anon ask or whatever and I'll give you my discord handle and maybe if you're interested also some information about an alternative that i know you can join right now, although the join rate is throttled so it wouldn't be everyone all at once
yeah post now
#tag novel#anyway using a year-old post to quasi-surreptitiously talk abt plural stuff#i've had *kinda* a realization that a bunch of things i've experienced and ways i've interacted with the world and#internalized my experiences are well-described by a plural system kinda situation so--lacking the resources to pursue a formal dx#and being *somewhat* distrustful of the pathologizing approach the medical system has to this kind of neurodivergency#i'm left where all i can do is assert it as true and do my best to persist in that context#yeah!#so anyway i would say ''i'm plural now'' except with The Recontextualization it's been a thing going back#at least ten years in some form or another--the *slight* memory barrier [like--slightly foggy glass] that helps in recent memories#to identify what's a 'K' memory and what's a 'Quince' memory#starts to be harder to differentiate from the ''this happened a long time ago and i'm not sure i remember it clearly'' perception#twenty years ago is much harder to say#so there are things i recall from ten years ago which are definitely like:#''i didn't understand and had no words to describe this experience but looking back that was definitely a moment of Quince fronting''#but things from twenty years ago are much more ''🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️''#in general I [as in K--a shortening of my in-person name] can only vaguely recall things Quince does#but Quince has a much greater ability to remember stuff that K says or does#and it was a place of like--there were definitely times when in order to keep functioning in any capacity at all#K really had to check out hard but the circumstances were such that totally checking out was unacceptable#i had to stand watch; i had to drive home; whatever#and those are circumstances where Quince was able to keep things functioning acceptably#anyway yeah. got interrupted in the middle of that and don't have juice to write more when i got back so uhh yeah saving it now
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Idk about the space yarn... galaxy garment... cosmic cloth aliens
Boogie man ass bad guys
#synonyms for loom: overshadow#also a loom is a tool why are they the guys who unravel things#looms are for weaving together.... not plucking threads#don't need this guy anymore yoink#like... don't all the alien species have /some/ redeeming qualities?#also the only person who told me to keep tagging spoilers was vague posting spoilers on THE FIRST DAY the season was out so#I'm tired of going on main tags cause I have some critiques but this is the most inoccuous
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same soup... different day
#hello it is sarah in the tags again#i feel like i tell myself i'll actually use this as a blog and then i forget and then i remember and then i forget again#venting ahead if that is not ur jam (talking to the 2 followers who actually see my posts)#i like tumblr because it;s so removed from my personal life that it feels really like a place i dont have to be anything for anyone#anyway i've been wondering if i should go back to therapy again but i feel like they might get tired of me because i keep bailing and comin#back like an addict lol like i swear i'll commit this time! sike. ghost be upon ye#anyway this time i'd come in for the big D#i don't like the floor it just feels closer to being six feet under and a bit like where i belong#i feel like a great number of things have happened in the past year and i've met all of it with a very lukewarm sense of dread and anxiety#its not even about feeling happy i dont even think i can feel shaken by anything. i feel like people see my apathy and think it's confidenc#anyway im not going back. they always say the same thing. can't do shit about shit life syndrome. and i don't want pills i'm so sick of the#isn't it something that i'm especially depressed the day before i start my new job? it's a tradition at this point. cheers#isn't it cruel that everyone in my life seem to put me on some kind of bizarre pedestal and no one questions my decisions or authority and#i battle with myself to figure out if i'm doing the right thing (no one will tell me the truth they are all scared of me getting angry)#was talking with a friend about how it'll be if i join their group project in a module we're taking soon.#and she's like well isn't it obvious? everyone will just listen to whatever you say and we'll end up doing well.#no one would challenge you because you're always right. and it's like.. yeah. i guess. okay. (hate that i know she's not wrong)#lol can u tell this is why house is kind of getting to me. learning lots of things about myself watching that man commit medical malpractic#anyway. i didn't ghost my therapist this time i remember now. she left the clinic lol she asked me to connect on linkedin. that was amusing#i always feel like the therapists here never know what to do with me and i kind of have to hold their hand a bit through my psyche#also they seem to be a bit at awe of me which is a bit annoying. and i know that definitely sounds like Issues but it's just like#ugh not you too. please stop i'm sick of it i'm sick with it. i don't want you to be inspired by my awful life and how i handled it#and i have nothing to say for it but... *gestures vaguely* of all of this
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I'm sorry I'm going to be insane for a second, avert your eyes
#i will mention i'm aroace and combined with this kind of like. moe-ness i exude apparently?#will lead people to immediately think i'm so pure and cutie pie and shy and uwu adorable#and of course people never know what aromanticism is but even after an explanation they just think it's an extension of my asexuality#bitch no it isn't. they're two separate things and i am going to killl you with psychic lasers#i swear to go they hear aroace and suddenly all the contrastic aspects of my personality disappear#some people will forget that i get loud and enthusiastic about men i think are hot#suddenly i am a meek angel who's soo cute and pure!#and i can mention how much i know about & like sex in theory and kink and romance#and every time it's 'that's funny cause you're asexual' 'you're aroace but your special interest is sex what a contrast' like argh#i need aro friends!!!! more!!!!!!!!#sure i like being cute but if people could stop equating that to being a pure angel it'd be nice#like. i'm into the theoretical side of sex! i like reading about kink! in sexy AND educational ways!!#i know what sex is and i have been the friend who does specific sex ed to others a few times!#but nooo she's kind of small feminine a little shy at times and asexual so surely the millions of words of sex & sex ed don't exist anymore#vagueing people i live with <3#and i've corrected the specific person i'm thinking of!! i have!!#i've told them 'oh yeah it's a fun contrast but it IS a genuine interest of mine that i've put a fair amount of time into over the years'#and they just forget it and keep making the joke every time!#oh i am Tired#wow i have a ramble tag now
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hi ari i do have a question - how do u imagine the giratina wings would work .. like would they be solid .. trying to imagine lunadri cuddling with the wings in the way
Hello friend!!! Thank you very much for this question ^-^ (I apologise for how long my answer ended up becoming ;w;)
To answer your questions/comments succinctly:
The wings work a bit weirdly because they're to do with the original Giratina, which I'm saying was Reborn-Shiny because so is the Arceus (I think). ..Don't ask me how she got tied up with it in the first place.
They are more spectral than properly solid, but you can still feel them (putting your hand through them will make it feel numb though, and it also feels weird to Adriana, so perhaps don't do that). They look more solid when she's in a New World.
We can work around them! It basically just means Luna can't hug Adriana from behind without needing to take them into account, but.. everything else is theoretically on the table. So, I like to think that works out ^-^
Okay, now for my actual initial very long-winded response to this.
Hmm.. I will admit that I hadn’t considered this. I think it would make sense if Adriana’s wings were at least somewhat non-solid, in that, like.. most things can pass through them, but with some resistance, to the point that you can probably push something through them quite easily, but if you just sort of threw something at them then it would probably just lose too much momentum and fall. Adriana will feel it if something goes into or through her wings, though (at least after they become fully apparent, which happens after the Giratina quest in postgame. Specifically:
Only Anna is able to see Adriana's wings to begin with, similarly to the other traits she perceives others as having (like Taka's own wings or Cain's pitch-black eyes), and Adriana cannot see or sense them whatsoever. However, Anna never properly specifies what they actually look like, just insists that she has them.
After becoming void-kissed (so, after the Glass Workstation), Adri starts very vaguely being able to sense her wings occasionally, and they also start sometimes appearing in glimpses in her shadow. Other than that, no-one else can see or sense them, though Luna definitely does her best to accommodate them from here on out, regardless. It still isn't clear what type of wings they are. (Note that it's after becoming void-kissed that Adriana starts being able to perceive others as Anna does, so this means that this occurs with the exception of herself.)
Whenever she is confronting Umbral Trainers or Anomalies, Adriana becomes more aware of the presence of her wings, but is generally too caught up with what is going on in the moment to properly dwell on it like she wants to - and most New World areas are so shadowy that she can't really tell if they're constantly there in her shadow or not.
The moment her wings finally become visible and tangible to everyone is the same moment in which Anna starts mistaking her for a doll of Lin's - after she catches the original, Reborn-Shiny, Giratina that Zina sealed beneath Byxbysion. A comparison of this false perception versus the new truth is given below:
From this point onwards (which.. admittedly isn't that much more of the story, but still), Adriana's wings are spectral in the normal world, but fully-formed and solid whenever she's in a New World space. This is going to be my explanation for why they appeared solid during those old grand finale renders I made ages ago, but fade out on her other sprites and renders.)
It’s probably quite a strange sensation, both to Adriana and to someone else if they stuck their hand through them; I quite like the idea of anything that goes into or through the wings feeling very numb, rather than necessarily hurting or anything. They feel more solid, and the sensation is more intense, as you move closer to the part of her back where they look like they emanate from. I like to think the wings are solid enough (to Adriana at least) that she tries to take them into account when moving around, but also intangible enough that nothing can really affect them, necessarily - so, like, you couldn't grab them and use them to pull her towards you or anything, and she would also be able to put her back against a wall without too much issue (it might just feel odd to her). They also don't interfere with her clothing, thankfully. Such are the conveniences of spectral energy.
So, with all that said.. I do think that Adri’s wings would need to be taken into account to at least some extent when cuddling with Luna. However, it is not as much of a big consideration as it could be, simply because the two of us are already used to considering things when we cuddle, like making sure we don’t scrunch up our skirts for example. Adriana can also curl her wings fairly freely after they become fully apparent, so that helps, and they aren't that big to begin with (smaller than the ones Anna sees Taka as having, certainly), so that also helps. For example, I like to think that she would be able to lift them both so that Luna is underneath them, if we were both on our sides ^-^
Sorry for going on such a tangent there, oops ;w; I hope that this is still alright as an answer for you, friend! Thank you so much again for sending this in, it really means a lot~
#I think it could alternatively be interesting if the wings were only present when adriana’s pokémon are present or something#like how some pokémon (marshadow/xerneas/etc.) have in-battle and out-of-battle formes that are cosmetically different#as that would be a decent explanation for why they aren't on her overworld sprites but are on her VS and trainer sprites =P#plus I think it would be fun to sort of.. see her out in town somewhere and not think she seems like too overpowered of a trainer#and then you make it through charous hall. and the champion's busy. so you get to face the shadow champion. don't worry it still counts#and all of a sudden as the battle begins she gains a presence you would expect from a powerful champion but had yet to sense from *her*-#and you suddenly spot these spectral *legendary* wings behind her. which.. were always there? surely? yet only *now* do you *see* them#that sort of vibe perhaps~ where it's not really clear whether or not they *are* there all the time or not#anyway sorry that was a tangent#heart of the void#selfshipping#love: dark dreamer (luna)#..vaguely#selfship: void‑kissed (luna/adriana)#and most prominently (because I *keep finding things to say about her apparently*)#self‑insert: soul‑touched (adriana)#of a city reborn (pokémon reborn)#out of the inbox#selfship asks#clara tag!#info posts#i tried to work on this about four separate times today#but because i had such bad signal it just kept deleting the progress i made#so.. now that i'm back home it can hopefully sort itself out
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I rhink one of the most haunting and disturbing OH I'VE. BREACHED CONTAINMENT moments was someone tagging my CYL results surprised Alfonse won and their vibe was like "I knew Alfonse is a fave of some but damn" like............. he........... sure is...... a fave of some. Um. Unrelated but have you looked at my blog for like ten seconds
#LIKE i'm not being an ass about it and i don't wanna vague and be petty cause that's def not what i'm feeling#if anything i just felt bad like. damn you had to learn this through me?????????? UNFORTUNATE.#it was a STARTLING REMINDER THAT ohhhhhhhhhh when i tag things for organization.#it also exists. thebthe maintags. supposedly.#also in my mind there are like maximum ten people here. and i was talking directly to them in my heart#honestly makes me so scared though like..... damn....... i must clog the hell out of the feh tags..... and the alfonse tag.........#i'm so sorry.#it does make me wonder if i've been blocked for being annoying. which!!!! i hope!!!#that if someone DID find me annoying or strongly disagreed w my takes like i would hope they blocked me!!!!#peace and love. you play in your corner i'll play in mine.#i just have to keep telling myself IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY TO BE ANNOYING I PROMISE#I PROMISE YOU WON'T BE SHOT AND KILLED FOR BEING ANNOYING I PROMISE ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
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Anyway since I can't send an ask because of character limit and I gave up after trying to write it three different ways and it not working, I'll just. Idk write a short vague post back? I'm assuming a vague for a vague is fair (don't worry I don't want to be mean I just have no other way of navigating this situation.) Since I'm exhausted & but want to at least express my view of it.
Idk just on the off chance they see this or one of our shared mutuals shows them or something. My "weak subtext" post had absolutely nothing to do with Adam Warlock, I didn't even remember that I reblogged that poll before making my post. I had seen like six other polls after the Adam one, bc I was actively looking through the blog, that did the exact thing my post was about, the blogrunner (who shall remain anonymous) had Pointed Out in private that it was happening and gave several examples & it was distressing them so I checked the blog myself and commented on it, which was why I made the post. Not the Adam poll in particular which I didn't remember and wasn't thinking about. I do not know enough about Adam to say anything about either the text or the subtext or anything, so I just. Wouldn't? It really baffled me that it was read that way.
Anyway. Farewell beloved mutual we barely knew ye...
#txt#the “people doing that across multiple polls” thing was also why I left the “annoying notes” tag#it just happened to be on the Adam poll because I like Miles and it was ine of the first ones on the blog#I didn't even process that people wouldn't have the background context & would read it as being Very Mean to Adam Fans in particular#But honestly I should have & that's on me & I deleted the post for that reason#Anyway I have NO BEEF with Adam fans and don't know enough about him to make any posts about him#It's just VERY STRANGE to me that this happened like I didn't even think about Adam I was just blogging 😭#I wish they had like asked me for clarification or something like I'm a dumbass and oftentimes an asshole by accident.#And I get misinterpreted A LOTTTTT but I never know how to KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING#and idk. I don't like being misinterpreted & I especially don't like being vagued over misinterpretation so I feel weird about it ):#Especially from a mutual that I liked? But. I'll forget about all this in the morning.#I mean I could also just. Reblog their vague and respond to it maybe#But idk I feel like that's a Lot because I don't want to out them to my followers as Having Vagued Me#I just would LIKE to address it privately but the only way to do that is via ask but it would be too long if I'm being serious about it#And tumblr's ask limit is like 500 fucking characters or something. Idk I tried figuring out the character limit andnit cut it off after#the FIRST PART#It would have taken like 7 fucking messages to send the whole explanation#And I don't want to swamp their ask box#The only reason the explanation is so short here is because I wrote it out in an exhausted Whatever tone that clips some of the explanation#short. Which I don't think would go over well when trying to explain a misunderstanding to someone who is mad at me enough to vague me#anyway here's your reminder that you can have conversations with people instead of jumping to conclusions 😔#I mean I'm not mad and I understand retroactively why the misunderstanding happened#but also if they had even like PM'd me like “Hey if your post was about Adam I disagree bc xyz” and I would have responded like#“Oh my post wasn't about Adam at all and I didn't even realise it seemed like that sorry”#or hell if they'd even anon'd me about it#Like I'm... actually not a mean person... I'm not going to verbally assault someone for interacting with me in good faith...
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i really miss old internet when logout buttons weren't like. hidden underneath three menus and two sidebars. idk.
#tumblr#social media#in general#thoughts from hel#this stuff used to be in the corner. right there. i do not want to go hunting for basic account functionality#negative#just barely but keeping things organized here o7!!! keeping things happy outside of this tag#okay as an addendum to this#what about that trend of sticking everything into folders or dropdown sections idk#like why did google drive just now move their “star this file” feature under the “organize” section in their menu#i don't think that's what the starring feature is actually called but yknow#it's not like there were too many options in the menu before??? were there??? am i wrong????#it was a perfectly reasonable number of options and then they hid them away. so it's even harder#to star a file than it was before. okay yeah ngl my problem is mostly that i love starring files#now every file i star takes +2 clicks plus whatever amt of time it takes for me to realize it's been hidden in the menu#upset.#“organize” as a section title sounds like the sort of label i would and historically have come up with when i need to put stuff away#but have no fucking clue how to describe whats inside the box. vibes only sorting.#just bc it's so damn vague#long tags#i guess lmfao i kinda just went off in here#what do you mean “organize”. what if changing the color of the folder was your definition of organize. what if renaming things#for sorting purposes was your definition of organize. why is google making it so goddamn difficult to#navigate a goddamn file system. every operating system has one. figure it out omggggg#maybe i am complaining in the wrong place bc this is the anti google website#or maybe that makes it the right place idk
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It's blog update time y'all~! <3
Two new muses have been added! Kyros, a Fatuus under the command of both Kagota and Childe ( @yoroiis ) who has some heavy ties to @waltzofphoenix's Diluc and Kaeya, and Rosalee, a frequently ill Fontanian girl with a particular fascination for magic and the things it could do to change her world.
Rules have been updated to add notes about Rosalee and Kyros to the triggers section, as well as recieved some minor tweaks here and there, like noting that while I'm caught up on the current plot, I like to take the game slowly and there's still much I don't know, having started playing only a year ago. I can't even consider myself a newbie anymore so time that changed-
Saiki's about has gotten a tiny update while it's in line for its major one: Her mother now has the name Adria, and is a woman who has heavy ties to a lot of things waiting in the wings for upcoming plots, much to Saiki's dismay and Adria's pure delight-
Kagota's about is now deemed an ongoing Work In Progress. It's been updated to reflect current plots, upcoming things, and general plotting going on, including her promotion to Operative shortly before the Fontaine chapter's start as well as her gaining a cryo delusion alongside it, her working with Childe under the Tartaglia name, carrying his vision rather than the Traveler, and the addition of a family section in her about to list out the members of her massive family, be they adopted, found family, in-laws, or blood, and her pregnancy during the Fontaine chapter with their firstborns. However, because of her closeness to Childe and how incredibly intertwined they are, something @yoroiis and I are constantly discussing and working with, and my outright refusal to step on the toes of canon if I can avoid doing so, she's also heavily impacted by the current archon quest events and with said quests as their own ongoing thing right now, I'm leaving her about as a WIP and will be tweaking and updating it as updates come in game, which also will leave her as very much still pregnant with her twins for the time being for anything set in the current point of the game's storyline due to an inability to pinpoint when their births occur. Please pardon the dust as things change and work themselves out over time regarding Fontaine, as future blog update posts like this will likely have more information on them regarding this.
Information on Kagota's abilities and fighting style with her cryo delusion will be added in future tweaks as a result of the previous point. I want to take this slow and think it out in full carefully, and use everything the game gives to work this out.
I think that's everything for this update round - I am still working heavily on things behind the scenes and there's a lot still upcoming being plotted and decided on pretty much every day, but I also don't like updating things without making posts like this to make them known, either! Even if it IS mentioning how much is staying as a WIP because agh, I have one mighty FONTAINE WHY waiting in the background for a LOT of the lore we're getting! XD
~Pom
#Out Of Poms [OOC]#Updating Pom.EXE [Blog Update]#Also a reminder note all my lore and such involving other characters is USUALLY tied to another person's portrayal#Aside from Signora and Dottore and the like at least#Specifically Yoroiis and Waltzofphoenix's muses <3#I try to be fairly vague with other mentions of characters I don't have partners for - So those relationships#can still possibly be fleshed out later with those who write them <3#But honestly tho Fontaine's lore and plots have been something else entirely??#And made me rethink a lot of things - Especially for Kagota - with the new info we're getting#Especially on things like the abyss and wtf is CHILDE DOING BOY YOU COME BACK HERE-#Kyros was already in the works before 4.0 dropped tho and Kasa ended up summoning out Rosalee with him tho so why wait#Unlike Adria SHE CAN KEEP WAITING TO BE ADDED nobody needs her yet-#Also as a note#yes Kagota is pregnant as of the Fontaine chapter and will remain as such until I can figure out when the twins are born#Without conflicting with the current plot or messing up her work in general#That... Might be a while tho; so if anyone needs any tags regarding it please do let me know <3
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This is awesome just remembered I get to write the frottage scene soon assuming I actually write more than 4 words this week.
#.txt#long tags sorryyyyy#fellas do you ever offer everything you can to a man in a silent beg for forgiveness and let yourself accept that seemingly the only part o#you he's willing to touch now that he knows what you are is your dick but whatever you'll take what you can get. and it's selfish too but#it's also all you can offer short of turning your life upside down for him which you refuse to do.#fellas.......... do you ever fight against yourself for weeks because you want and need to forgive someone but can't figure out how.#you ever get torn between someone you care about and nearly have forgiven but you keep getting caught on the fact it's such an unforgivable#slight in the first place. so you take all that he offers but you can't bring yourself to forgive him until he's in front of you with his#hair sticking to his forehead and his hand shaking where it's gripping your bicep.#and seeing him be so open and vulnerable when he really shouldn't with you and really never should have AT ALL with you. makes it finally#click & makes it possible to wrap your head around ''I love him. he cares about me. he did one of the worst things possible. I forgive him.#OR WHATEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! don't quote me on ANY OF THIS I'm always fucking around with motivations and wants and#needs and desires to make shit work how I think is best for all I know this is all useless#I hate posting my writing ever even when it's just set-up stuff like <- all that. BUUUUUT also I need a copy of all that for tomorrow to#remember . what I'm thinking abt basically. SOOOOOOOO YOU GUYS GET TO SEE THIS :3 hope u like what goes thru my head constantly while I'm#stocking shelves. sorry for long vague tags and endless talking yet again just need it written down#*that he'll touch is your dick. I have no idea how that typo happened what happened there
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