#keep seeing these under my posts so I presume others are too

[liedownquisition]

Every time someone, whether in-universe or in meta tries to say that Jason's a "loner" I think about two things:

First of all, the fact that Bruce is frequently referred to as a loner, both in universe and out, as if he doesn't literally constantly have his emotional support child and a rotating cast of lovers (sometimes multiple in any given story at once). In this instance, it's used to try and make Bruce seem "cool," which whatever ig.

Batman #359, which, is so fucking funny to me because this is before Batgirl and Talia showed up in this story. Catwoman too. It was a real fucking ensemble. He's berating himself for snapping at Dick, and sending some civilians (The Todds btw) to die, against Dick's advice, because he's being bitchy about Catwoman. Like, my man, you have a mental breakdown every time you're truly alone. You're not a loner but maybe you should be.

Secondly, is Jason a loner or is he just always alone and isolated? Is he a loner or does he just not know how to be any other way? Jason consistently through both pre- and post-crisis express a lot of desire to be around other people/build connections, as well as referencing factors that isolate him from them. (I'm not sourcing every incident here but here's Jay trying to bond with Bruce right after he gets taken in, and some stuff wrt Jason at school)

Detective #527 (Pre-Crisis)

Batman#395 (Pre-Crisis. This is him being jealous of Catwoman, sure, but given how often in this arc it's referenced that he's isolated from the other kids in school- despite being on some kind of presumably sports team. I think it's baseball? I'm trying to find the exact issue that it actually SHOWS him on said team but it is referenced in the issues leading up to when they switch over the histories.)

Batman Annual #12 (This is Post-Crisis)

In Brothers in Blood Jason's trying to reach out to Dick. I'm not saying he did it the right way or that Dick was wrong for rejecting that, but he did literally expressly say that he was trying to reach out to him. in his brief period that he worked with the Titans, it's explicitly stated that he'd had to sneak out from under Batman's nose to join up with them. Jason has a sparse few interactions with mostly adult heroes in Pre-Crisis and the only hero his age he gets to meet is Kid Devil/Eddie Bloomberg and that's nebulously canon or not since Pre/Post-Crisis was a soft, slowly rolled out reboot where they changed a lot of things in retrospect but also implicitly kept others. (N52 was also like this but I get the impression Crisis was marginally more organized.)

UtH was Jason reaching out to Bruce for connection. Again, not really the right way to go about it but he pretty obviously/expressly wanted affirmation that his relationship with Bruce DID matter to someone other than himself because he felt it had been stripped from him and false.

Someone who keeps reaching out to other people, but gets rejected because they did it wrong, is not a loner.

When those attempts fail and he reaches out less and less, that's not loner behavior, that's lonely behavior, maybe even a dash of self-loathing. When he starts sabotaging his relationships further he thinks they're already fucked, that's not loner behavior, that's bad coping mechanisms for childhood trauma. I don't care that they state it exactly that he's some kind of "loner," his actions don't agree with that statement.

Is his status something of a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point? Yeah. I keep seeing people refer to him this way and, jesus. y'all wanna ostracize him so badly sometimes. You don't want him here you don't want him there. You use the "loner" rhetoric to enforce the idea that his isolation is a good thing that he wants. They use it IN UNIVERSE from the mouths of characters who have biased views about him.

If he's such a loner why does he keep going back? Why does he answer every call? Like a beaten, but unfortunately faithful dog that can't help but return to their abusive master.

[astral-herald]

Uncritically Enjoying Mage Viktor

sometimes when i turn off my angry (logical) brain, i achieve some very sentimental mage viktor clarity that i would like to share <3

this is a lot different from my other Thoughtful "Analysis" Posts. my plan is as follows: address my understanding, slim though it may be, of mage viktor; bullet-point all the less than critical/theory driven reasons why he makes me happy; make a somewhat melodramatic point about reading/viewing for fulfillment over critique. mage-tor enjoyers, unite!

What is Mage Viktor's Purpose?

Try as I might to turn off my thoughtfulness, I am typically critical of the media I enjoy, so I'll be among the first to admit that Mage Viktor was certainly a retcon. That seems to be the fandom consensus, so I won't reiterate too much on that point. It makes shots like this especially funny, though, because that is simply not the Viktor we know, interdimensional or otherwise:

But something I would like to push back on is a pervasive "favorable" read on Mage Viktor as we come to know him in season 2. I fully disagree with the idea that Mage Viktor sought Jayce out in every timeline because he loved Jayce, rather than as a means of saving the countless innocents Viktor in other timelines would inevitably kill thanks to Hextech, the Glorious Evolution, etc. Hear me out for a second!

Bestie @arowyn-m pointed out to me that Necrit confirmed that Hextech is THE canonical event, the linchpin, so to speak, that ignites the chain of events we see culminate in season 2. These are the same events that Mage Viktor seeks to prevent. It takes however many lifetimes and iterations of mass destruction for Mage Viktor to gather two vital facts about the universe: Hextech is the inciting, inevitable incident, and Jayce is the complementary indelible constant. Hextech is inevitable, but only Jayce can show Viktor how to stop it.

Viktor's love for Jayce is not what motivates Mage Viktor to seek him out - it is the inevitable result of their being "inextricably bound." Reducing Mage Viktor's manipulation of time/space/what have you to his desperate need to protect Jayce in every timeline morphs him into a very out-of-character Genocidal Eldritch Being when he's supposed to be the antithesis of OUR Machine Herald Viktor. By taking up Mage Viktor's quest to kill Machine Herald Viktor under these very specific circumstances - acceleration rune in hand - Jayce can end the cycle. He trumps the inciting incident. His love for Viktor reigns supreme.

The fact that this is so awkward to explain speaks to the severity of the retcon. I guess what I'm getting at is that Mage Viktor was not acting out of selfish, obsessive love (as romantic as that may seem to some); he was searching for a way to right his wrongs and found it in Jayce, his inseparable other half.

"Only you could show me this."

MORE TO THIS POINT: even Mage Viktor, for all his implied wisdom, having seen countless lifetimes wherein they failed to stop Hextech, still does not anticipate the depth of Jayce's love for him. He (presumably, because don't see this exchange, because Riot made egregious cuts) tells Jayce that the Viktor of this world must die. Jayce "can't fail." As far as I can tell, he never tells Jayce that he has to die along with him. Jayce rejected Viktor's bid to be partners again, after all...

Mage Viktor, like the true Viktor that lurks within the Machine Herald, still believes that Hextech is fully his fault. He still believes in his own weakness and his shortcomings and is so reliant, obsessed with independence that he refuses to share this responsibility. When Mage Viktor reveals himself to Machine Herald Viktor, and he's confronted with the depths of his own feelings, he shoves Jayce away in a last-ditch attempt to preserve his isolation.

Jayce does not allow this.

The love that keeps Viktor "inextricably bound" to Jayce is not one-sided. Viktor, in all iterations and timelines, does not bear the responsibility for Hextech alone. In his dying moments, when he finally understands that LOVE is what has kept he and Jayce together all this time, his humanity returns to him. They save the world - literally. Love literally conquered all. No Viktor, not even Mage Viktor, anticipated this. All Jayce really had to do was kill this Viktor, but he couldn't bear to part ways.

TLDR: Mage Viktor found a way to save the world, but Jayce found a way to reignite Viktor's humanity. Neither of things could coexist without the other.

Smaller, Less Important Reasons Why I Like Mage Viktor

I'll never forget the breathless whiplash I felt upon Mage Viktor's reveal. I feel pretty alone in that experience - oh well! I'll be the pariah! - but here are the reasons why he's made such an impression on me.

Seeing an aged Viktor hit me like a bus. I know he's still stricken with the arcane, but there's so much wisdom and kindness and life experience in his expression. I never thought we'd see that. I doubt he did, either.

BEARD VIKTOR TRUTHER.

It gives Viktor some agency back. I wrote in an earlier post that Mage Viktor being the one to liberate Viktor from his own tragic narrative is pretty awesome, and I stand by that.

Mage Viktor's vulnerability. I feel like Mage Viktor, finally realizing that this Jayce is the right one, that this moment is the pivotal one, says a lot of what Viktor in all timelines longs to say to Jayce.

The question of lifetimes - how many times did Viktor search for Jayce? How many times did he watch a timeline go by without him? How much loneliness did he endure (for the greater good?). What was it like seeing that in-universe Viktor had killed Jayce?

Reading Uncritically (I Swear This is Relevant)

Rita Felski, a very cool literary critic who we all should read, said the following about reading critically (the way that lots of us engage with Arcane on tumblr): "It is a mode of interpretation that adopts a distrustful attitude toward texts...that remain inaccessible to their authors as well as to ordinary readers" ("Suspicious Minds" 216). Even though she's writing about academia/literary criticism, I think her point still stands. We engage with media with the intent to expose, unearth, and problematize. We eagerly search for moments where the text fails us at the expense of the "superficial" that would otherwise uplift us. We are practicing the "hermeneutic of suspicion," which can be exceptionally draining.

It's pretty melodramatic of me to apply this kind of theoretical work to Arcane, of all things, but this story means a great deal to me. It is deeply flawed - the Mage Viktor retcon is kind of appalling if you stare down the barrel of suspicion. But, in looking through a reparative lens (Eve Sedgwick's word, not mine), I see Mage Viktor as a agency-ridden Viktor, an aged Viktor, a vision of the future Jayce and Viktor together make possible. I'm enriched by that.

Felski asks us: "How else might we venture to read, if we were not ordained to read suspiciously?" (232). What can we derive from Arcane by putting the pieces together with the goal of harmony and fulfillment? In the smallest sense, we may feel a bit better about the ways in which season 2 seriously let us down. In a larger, more hopeful sense, moments like Viktor confessing an ultimate love and attachment to Jayce, and Jayce returning it in kind, may fill us with an even deeper appreciation for unconditional love as the culmination of human connection, a world-ending and world-renewing thing that stares down the BBEG of Arcane and wins.

You could probably read all of this as my apology for enjoying what so much of the fandom has condemned. That's alright. There are so many pieces of Mage Viktor that fragment under the critical microscope, but I can't shake the emotional impact of his reveal, so I'll live in that space for the time being. Had Arcane allotted for any explanatory conversations, flashbacks, and/or given up their soft world build to account for Mage Viktor, we'd be in a better place plot-wise. Alas, here we are instead. Everyone can point and laugh at me if they did all this just to bring back God/Made/Eldritch Being/Whatever The Fuck Viktor in future projects. That'll be my penance!

And, finally, if you really didn't like Mage Viktor, I fully respect that, but this is my self-indulgent post and I'm not overly interested in debating...there's little anyone could say that I wouldn't agree with. I'm just avoiding the suspicion of it all :)

[oonajaeadira]

Patricio Keeps a Journal, Pt. 1: Winter

Good. Things. Take. Time. is a series that grew out of prompts–the whisper of a character, the asks of readers. And now, to get myself back into PATS’s head, the prompts are coming from @fanfticionoverload’s Seasons of Life challenge.

What you’re about to read are some excerpts from Patricio’s journal. Heads up they probably won't make much sense if you haven't read the ongoing series.

Each excerpt is just that–snippets that pertain to the story, taken from his presumed wider journal, each notated where it lands in the series and follows the chronology of the series.

The rules of the challenge ask for 250 words per prompt. I thought it would be a little less forced if I didn’t worry so much about that, so some may fall short of that number. And I’ll say that these aren’t heavily edited nor are they anything other than basic reactions, precisely because I wanted them to feel like the unfiltered thoughts one writes in a journal.

Let’s say that it was Shell’s orders for him to keep a journal in the first place. If his practice is his way of dealing with his demons, if he’s not going to go to traditional therapy, then “the least you can do is just offload before bed, and not the kind of offloading you do with your dick. I’m not gonna read it, but I’ll want to see words on those pages. Write a fucking play for all I care, write a manifesto about your love of pasta, I don’t give a shit what. Just write.”

I don’t have anything to write. I’m not a fucking poet. Shell says use the pen, get the words out of your head, just write anything. Anything. Anything. Tables have turned. Now I’m the one practicing letting it all out. Trying not to think too hard.  Anything.

EXCERPT 1: SNOW

TIMELINE: a few days before Good. Things. Take. Time.

…

#39 gifted me four tickets to the game at her last session. It’s Neils’ birthday. I’ll surprise him and Dan with a guy’s night out.

Got a new client coming in on Thursday. #48. I wasn’t going to approve her. Nothing in her application hints at any lingering trauma that she can’t just get treated at a legit clinic. But Shell was pushy about this one. She's got a knack for these things and hasn’t been wrong yet. Official referral diagnosis: pain is psychological tension from a recent(?) divorce. I guess it’s worth a shot. If nothing else, divorcees are usually just in need of a good fuck so it’s an easy fix. Good photo. I like her style. She’s going to make pretty faces.

Thinking about taking some time off after that. Rare confluence of three clients ending their run at the same time, it’s slow season at the office and the guys can handle a week without me, I should get out of town. Someplace quiet. Or fuck, I don’t know, someplace distracting where I can get out of my head. Maybe I should book a massage. Look at me, I’m hilarious. Who massages the masseuse? I’ll have Shell find me something. Keep it interesting. Place yer bets: seedy and cheap or golden toilets and happy endings? As long as it’s somewhere warm.

Renee posted the pictures from her honeymoon. Skiing in the Alps. She always used to hate the snow. Guess people change. Change can be a good thing. 

She’s better off. 

___

EXCERPT 2: SCARF

TIMELINE: The night of Good. Things. Take. Time.

…

Shell hit the jackpot on this one. Perfect plaything. She’s like I custom ordered a client. Recurring cluster knots all down her starboard teres major, needs a hand getting in under the port shoulder blade…can’t do it alone. Needs my hands. She needs me. Follows directions, trusts completely. Has a good imagination. That will open up more in time. I expect a challenge out of this one. Surprised the shit out of me with the beautiful thing though. Maybe shouldn’t have let her have that. Maybe shouldn’t have gone down on her. It’s fine. She’s clean. Tastes good smells good ass for days. I can get a good handful. Everywhere.

And perfect inside. Tight but not too tight, good control with the right assistance, takes direction like a dream. I’ll be able to get her to sing if she keeps listening. Mierda, her skin. My hands want to eat it. Oil it up and map it out and scarf it down. Her muscle structure is    -just-    amazing. I haven’t been this amped in months. This one hits the spot.

Giving her Thursday across the board might have come off too eager. Well, if that didn’t, offering up extra days on call probably did. Jackass.

Not gonna worry about that tonight. Bowling with the guys tomorrow night. Hope they’re ready to eat their damn balls. I’m fucking invincible.

She called me beautiful. She’s [sentence scratched out] 

Forgot to note in her file–she said she hasn’t had anyone make her come in over a year even though info says she’s only been divorced a few months. What kind of an asshole just walks away from that her? How could anyone share a bed or a house or anything with that and resist for a year? She deserves to get fucked every day. Why wouldn’t you want someone that just falls into you so willingly and fucks so pretty? Great. Now I’m angry. Not my concern. Just my gain.

___

EXCERPT 3: COZY 

TIMELINE: weekend evening, after installment #2, relieving period cramps

…

Keep thinking about Thursday. It’s not about the blood. It is and it isn’t. It’s obviously that she needed relief. It’s good to see her trusting. That can be tricky for some women. Beaten into them that they have to hide what their body does. It’s a body. It’s a unique mechanism. It has shit and blood and needs a good release now and then. Or every day for some people...another truth for some of us that the world wants hidden away.

The blood’s messy. It’s primal. It’s brutal and nobody blinks an eye if it comes from a punch to the face or a slice of the thumb. But the minute it comes from the minute it shows you what  a woman’s body is capable of… But it’s also the harshness of the color, a signal that if there’s pain then it’s real. It’s a helpful focus.

She just LETS me. There's beauty in that pliability. She trusts, she follows, she heals. The way her face just relaxes when the knots are gone. It’s almost as good as the orgasm itself. Beautiful.

Got her all warmed up in the bath, all cozy in bed. Fell asleep like a worn-out kitten and I had an urge to kiss her forehead. Poor thing just needed it today. Successful session.

___

EXCERPT 4: FIREPLACE 

TIMELINE: a couple of weeks later, evening, after installment #3, the treatment for migraine and anxiety AND includes this six sentence ficlet

…

Well shit. There’s a coincidence. She wouldn’t believe me if I told her.

Thursday came in tonight tight as a screw, migraine a good 7 or 8. I had to take it slow. Asked her to focus on some bright spots in her life, like her favorite things. I might have guessed the animals and reading, but the fanfiction was a surprise. Cute. It was best not to talk about what was causing the stress because

Her family coming to stay.

Fuck if I don’t sympathize. 

Mama got here two days ago and all she can do is complain about her hotel and American food and how everyone speaks too fast for her to keep up. It’s cold here. The hotel should have a fireplace. Why don’t you take time off Patricio? You have an extra bedroom, why can’t your mama sleep there?

I love her. But I get it. There are just some boundaries that are hard. I get you, Thursday.

Preciosa.

Fucked her five ways til Sunday. She fucked ME five ways till Sunday.. She drew blood. Didn’t even care. Mark me up, girl. Glad I could help, but damn that might have been more mutually beneficial than I’d originally planned.

___

EXCERPT 5: HOT CHOCOLATE 

TIMELINE: night of installment #4, with the undergarment ripping and the thigh-highs

…

I didn’t expect to get to play this much. I’m usually so focused on the pain and making sure the client can come in their condition that there’s not a lot of room for fun and surprises. I got to take Shell out last weekend and might have bought her too many beers and pull-tabs. It took her about three bottles to get profound. She wants to know who "therapies the therapist" and told me I should remember that it’s okay to put my own priorities first sometime. She said that people in the industry of care need to be taken care of too. She said it’s okay to have a client that gives as good as she gets. Then she went home and threw up and texted me the next day that she’s drinking nothing but hot chocolate from now on. Haha

Shit. Thursday feels good when she walks out of here. She looks like a million bucks. I did that. I DO that. THAT’s what I need. So yeah. Why shouldn’t I enjoy that? Cute tonight. She wanted me to rip her panties. All she had to do was ask, but I think she was embarrassed to?

So the new diagnosis is lack of confidence and the treatment is for her to speak up for what she wants. We’re going to get her to a place where she can ask–or demand what she needs. We’ll work on her trusting that I’ll give her anything she wants–anything. 

She’ll be able to walk out of here and conquer the world when I’m done with her.

___

EXCERPT 6: FREEZING 

TIMELINE: a couple of weeks after the previous entry

...

[….] and Niels can go to hell though because I don’t care how low key it is or how good the whiskey is, I’m not giving up my Thursdays to fill in the hole in his poker night. His basement is freezing and I have warmer places to be.

Although speaking of, Thursday canceled again. It’s been a couple of weeks. Crunch time at work for her I guess. Her portal messages seem pretty stressed. She’s apologetic about missing sessions. I can tell her she doesn’t need to apologize, I’m getting paid whether she shows or not. And honestly, it just means we’re going to have to work that much harder to get her malleable again and I can hardly complain about that. A build up’s a hell of a thing. As long as she doesn’t mess up her rhombs again. We were just making headway on that. I should ask her about her desk chair.

But I’d be lying if I said that I gave a shit about the pay. I’m allowed to enjoy my clients and be disappointed when I don’t get to see them.

At least Jean’s back on Friday. It will be nice to see her again. Now that her latest surgery’s all healed up, we can find her some good positions for her to take home. I know her partner’s skittish about the discovery phase. But she’s almost done and when the reconstruction’s over, he’ll thank me for it. He SHOULD thank me for it, she’s got a good laugh and good tits.

Jean’s a perfect example of learning to speak up for herself. I can do the same for Preciosa. Lucky for her she doesn’t have Jean’s level of pain to work through. But she’s gotta show. up. for. it. Come on, girl. I got you.

___

EXCERPT 7: MARSHMALLOW

TIMELINE: directly after installment #5, all pent up and feral

…

Now THAT. Was a successful fuck. We’re making headway here. Little slapping, little biting, she got a good few hair yanks in there. She’s learning that not only am I not a marshmallow…neither is she. Good girl. Pretty high praise response, but she’s also got a little fight in her. She’s a switch and doesn’t even know it. She will. 

There were some real emotions tonight, real anger, real tears. But when she let go I nearly wept myself. It was beautiful. She’s working too hard and she knows it. But she also knows I’ve got her when she does. Hopefully that will preempt some of the stress next time. Not even upset about that shoulder blade. We’ll just start from the beginning on that.

[....]

Just reminded me of Renee nagging about working too hard. I just remembered that I had a dream about her a few nights ago. Not really about her. She was in the background somewhere and not even angry that I didn’t stop to say hello. Then she picked up her purse and left. The light kind of shifted like, I don’t know. Felt like it was the last time I’d see her. Not in a bad way. 

It’s good. Like a door really closing.

Maybe I do work too hard. But I like it. It’s who I am. It’s my choice.

____

PATS in winter by @d4rm4nd4

SERIES MASTERLIST

[lucabyte]

obligatory ramble about postcanon loop ask

also your art is amazing

Hiiiiiiiii :D thank you :)!!

and thank you for the excuse to post the. just absolute wall of text that i truncated down to form the tags of that post. (i did,,, hit the tag limit. i forgot tumblr had one of those...) so let me just paste that and tidy it up a bit...

I am putting this under a readmore because it's a bit long. but:

This is like. The General Context for all* of my postcanon doodles? (Except AUs obviously) Like this is the base idea I've been drawing them all in. So, feel free to backread with this in mind. I've basically had this 'postcanon' timeline set in my brain since finishing the game...

My general thoughts are that I like the idea of Loop (even if through dubiously ethical means) being able to slowly reintegrate with the party as a whole new person, because they are, in fact, their own person.

It's a muddle of thematic threads im pulling on and "wouldn't it be fucked up if", but. (at its core, it's powered by the fact that like, while narratively isat's theme of 'the only person who can truly take the first step to help you is yourself'. (wrt: loop helping the party help siffrin in act 5) which i LOVE AND IS GREAT NARRATIVELY…. would be super fucked up irl to learn that your friend 'learned as a lesson' while you stood by kinda uselessly. I know i'd be upset about it. but thats mostly background here. doesn't really come up. at least not until loop has to explain who they are and the party realises they had to fall back on literally themselves again for help, but i digress,)

The real core concept is: Occam's razor. It is like, inherently, a buckwild thing to accuse a person of being somehow a clone or copy of your friend. Even if they start vaguely alluding to a backstory it's far more likely they were some other person before all that. (I still think Odile has that theory in the back pocket but she's rational enough to know it's a really long shot without a solid explanation. and i think Loop deep down knows this, and would, if cornered into confessing, turn the situation around to go J'ACCUSE and make HER explain it instead. Ever longer dodging being direct with their emotions...)

And the party are nice! And if someone has changed and wants to keep stuff secret it's kind of not their business? (Though it's hard not to speculate… see: the main joke of the doodles) And they seem important to Siffrin so they just try to accept them abrasive quirks and all. And eventually the question of their prior identity just fades away since, well, they're Loop. Their friend Loop.

but yeah. personal headcanon is that a few months/weeks after picking up and getting aquainted with Nille** (since that was presumably the IMMEDIATE TASK postgame), Loop reappears (either after a literal period of nonexistance, or just spending a few months wandering the french countryside alone being attacked by wild dogs). Since Siffrin has had a while to be therapised by the party they're doing mostly okay, but Loop showing up and still being agitated/aggressive pulls them both into a bit of a backslide behaviourally and puts the party on the back foot again.

Hooowever, I do think that due to no longer being literally stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time together, the two do mostly actually sort themselves out with productive conversation. (Via a cycle of: genuinely distressing argument -> weeeird lovebombing -> ok we're good -> repeat, that gets less intense over time)

Thus, allowing the party to just. Integrate loop as a new person. They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches (Loop taking over stuff Siffrin is now too squeamish for, etc (see: hunting, mostly)), and while it's not exactly what Loop wanted they generally get that beggars can't be choosers and it's a pretty good deal. And the rest of the party does straight up just like them as a friend, especially when Loop quits trying to actively antagonise them after a few weeks of being around them, since they just can't keep up being mean to people they like forever.

As for how I think the truth eventually drags itself out. This is where I invoke The Isabeau Torment Nexus™. So its gonna get shippy here for a bit hold on.

Which is, I think giving them time before Loop reappears long enough that Siffrin and Iseabeau actually manage to become established, Isabeau has to be the one to nudge the pair of them and go. "Hey. You know we're in Vaugarde right. I'm okay with polyamory if we all communicate." Before Loop and Siffrin actually even acknowledge that whatever the fuck they have going on kinda looks a lot like a relationship of some kind. (or have already been agonising about that via fighting and arguing, depending) (Obviously this comes after Isa "Emotionally intelligent enough to keep a lid on the jealousy" Beau has managed to use that big brain of his to Not just go Scream somewhere on the daily because oh godddd they keep talking like theyre suicide-baiting each other jesus chriiist. is it overstepping his boundaries to bring that up?? god)

This, taking a bunch of the tension out of Loop and Isabeau's relationship (Since I imagine Loop is a. being weird for the obvious reasons and b. feeling kinda guilty about 'getting in the way of' Siffrin and Iseabeau), allows them to actually get close in a normal friend way. (I think an interesting turning point could be Isabeau actually taking Loop's side in an argument vs Siffrin, which would absolutely break Loop's brain. Especially if it's an argument that matters. Like what do you mean he isn't just going to play favourites. What?)

Then Isabeau, just actually open minded and charmed by Loop (and maybe even somewhat at Siffrin's suggestion?) tries to close the final open side on the polyamory triangle here and that's the final straw for Loop on "This lie by omission is too unethical to keep up, this is just actually sick and wrong. I can't do this while he doesn't know who I am." Though. Obviously it probably goes. Very poorly with emotions high like that. And the added element of several months of deceit. Getting dark here for a second but that dagger is going MISSING and so are THEY for a hot minute.

Then yaaay everything works out in the end 👍 yippieee!! all it took was maybe a lot of harrowed recontextualisation of all the weird shit your new friend said and did when it turns out they're your old friend. It's fine.

But yeah. this is basically the context all of my postcanon doodles have existed within? And those exist to give other people something to chew on. So this does too.

I suppose TL;DR: Imagine if sloopis almost fucking happens before isabeau knows who loop is. can you fucking imagine. can you imagine having to navigate that. nightmare.

*Yes this includes the implied cannibalism comic. Uhh. Comes part and parcel with headcanoning that Loop went way off the deep end similar to A5 Sif But Maybe Worse before giving in. Add weepy half-asleep confessions to murder wherever you see fit in your mind palace. 👍👍👍

**Re: Nille footnote. I don't have anywhere to put this besides here! I have some thoughts on Loop and Nille having an odd dynamic. I don't imagine Nille to be super gung-ho on trusting a bunch of adults (even if they are majority around her age) given their implied backstory. It's probably a big shock to the system, especially since Bambouche is a good couple hundred Kilometers up north from Dormont and these guys don't seem to have trains. She would've been unfrozen and without Bonnie for some time....

Which is to say: I think she's suspicious of them. I think she may be looking for excuses to distance herself, keep Bonnie safe. SO.... A new guy showing up? And antagonising the party? What do they know that I don't...? I should find out.

And since... Loop didn't ever know Nille, they have no ammunition or real reason to be cruel. Plus, if they're trying to stay on Bonnie's good side (SINCE... if Bonnie thought Loop was cringe they may as well kill themselves. In their mind.) they SUPER have no reason to antagonise Nille.

Mostly, they might be able to open up to each other easier than they can the rest of the party?

I feel like this resolves with Loop feeling compelled to apologise for what they and Siffrin let happen to Bonnie, though... Hmm... Depends on how you interpret Nille that they'd be glad nobody else had been told about that yet, or furious it had been secret this long. I lean toward the former.

[deadbaguette]

Crack AU treated seriously: Diomdes goes to Ithaca with a twist

So this would generally be your typical Diomedes going to Ithaca AU. Presumably after getting exiled (? Is there a better word for it?), instead of going to modern day Italy he goes to Ithaca under the impression that he’ll see Odysseus there. But, of course he doesn’t because The Odyssey is happening. The twist that makes NO SENSE and is just purely my want to see my platonic rarepair happen (Telemachus and Neoptolemus/Pyrrhus), and the twist is: for whatever reason, Neo is there with Diomedes. Don’t ask why because I could not explain to you a good reason to make this happen lmfao

Story elaborated below but it’s a little long be warned

I like the dynamic of Neoptolemus and Diomedes, mostly because in so many ways as soldiers Diomedes foils/contrasts Achilles but in so many ways parallels his son. Diomedes gets on begrudgingly with Neo, and I could go on a whole other rant on a different post about some fake dynamics/scenarios for just them, but the main point in this post is that Neo somehow SOMEHOW tags along with Diomedes. They reach Ithaca together and meet Penelope and Telemachus.

They greet Diomedes and Pyrrhus with good courtesy, but the elephant in the room of “hold on where tf is your husband??? he was so eager to go back to you guys???” is very present. One way or another Penelope explains the situation, that being Odysseus is absent/mia (much to his own dismay) and the suitors all trying to wed Penelope. Diomedes is sad obv (I’m not gonna go super big into the angst right now) but he tries to brainstorm with Penelope on solutions for her predicament. Since Odysseus was his closest friend (more than friend for me personally but u can interpret it as platonic if u want) and he knows that Odysseus would want what’s best for his wife and son, they think of a solution that can the guarantee of their safety as of now until they hear news of Odysseus. That solution is fake marriage bcs I am a bit of a sucker for that troupe.

But back to Neoptolemus because he’s here too, I want him to bond with Telemachus what with their dads not being here (one’s dead one’s absent). Neo is like way stronger than Telemachus so at first he thinks he’s a bit of a wimp (keep in mind they’re like both teenagers, Neo’s life was just kinda fucked up), but over time they get along better. Pyrrhus’ relationship with Odysseus is a little complicated, so while Penelope and Diomedes might share all the good stories/parts of Odysseus with, Pyrrhus got off to a slightly rocky start with him lol. What with Odysseus taking him away from his mom and basically all the war shenanigans (war crimes), Telemachus for the first time has a whole and humanized version of his dad. It’s more than what the suitors have said out of malice and jealousy, the things Neo has told him have opened up the trickery/cunning side of Odysseus more than he’d known before. He’s jealous that it seems like everyone knows more about his dad than him, but he’s grateful to have someone his age who would view Odysseus more like he would: an annoying dad/uncle??? (Neo vehemently objects to this, and Odysseus would too. “You’re not my fucking dad!!!” “Holy shit thank the GODS for that!!!”)

All in all, happy family. Odysseus returns home to Penelope and Telemachus, and now two surprise guests too. Telemachus has like 3 kinda parents now (Diomedes might be more like an uncle) and a kinda brother/friend/??? I love my little delusional found family. Odysseus is more than a little surprised, considering this IS Neoptolemus. Kid did a 180° in terms of personality in Troy and then ANOTHER 180° somewhere on Ithaca at some point. Or maybe more like a 90° turn in terms of personality, I imagine Telemachus is the most sane of the family and it is much to his dismay.

And when they all eventually die (Diomedes won’t ascend to godhood here I want him to be in the underworld with the rest of the fam) they’ll live happily in the underworld and Pyrrhus can catch up with his dad and mom.

[devondespresso]

(found this bad boy in my drafts and honestly i loved reading it again so we're gonna post it. wahoo)

my personal canon for post-starcourt stobin is that they're actually inseparable for the first month or so

im talking steve taken to the hospital for his injuries and the staff having to force them apart and call security. im talking they have to drag robin kicking and screaming to a different room because last time Steve left her sight he was dragged back lifeless and presumably dead (i firmly believe they intentionally used physical torture for steve and to use his condition for psychological torture for robin)

and steve waking up half-present in a cold plain room alone? might as well be back in the bunker. and if theres doctors trying to run tests and examine his wounds? might as well be Russian soldiers standing over him and touching his injuries. hurting him again. possibly planning to hurt Robin next.

and now hospital staff are trying to deal with two screaming desperate teenagers who keep begging for the other in between rambles of nonsense and they can't run tests or do their jobs or even get answers from them because all these two seem to care about is the other teen

so they don't really have any practical choices other than moving them to a combined room. and they still freak out every now and then but having the other in the room keeps these outbursts much shorter and doctors are able to actually run tests and help these kids as long as they're close together. And when Robins blood tests and everything come back ok and shes able to be discharged, shes given special permission to stay in the room at all times

and the two little kids that came in with them? they're not exactly freaking out quite like the teens but they're certainly not making things easy either. Ericas testing the willpower of any doctor or nurse she can speak to and both kids stay as close as they can at all times and refuse to leave the hospital. visiting hours over? they're in the waiting room, even convinced a couple to move so they can have seats closest to the hall that teens room is in. try to call their parents? good luck getting a full name or number out of them. once their parents do come get them they're showing back up in an hour, bikes lodged in the bike rack and back in their seats. they've been stopped for sneaking in several times and caught hiding under one of the teens beds even more often. eventually staff just gets tired of spending half their shift wrangling two middle schoolers and it becomes an unspoken agreement to just ignore them hiding in the room.

And once Steve is discharged its the same thing all over again. Robins parents were worried about her spending all her time in the hospital with the boy from her summer job, but given the cover story about the fire and the pair getting trapped inside they convinced themselves its reasonable to want to stay by your friends side while they recover

but now that hes out, shes asking if she can spend the night at his house? and his parents won't be there? absolutely not. except robins in no mindset to accept leaving him alone for this long let alone overnight so she tried sneaking out to bike over to his before he can get the dumb idea to drive over in the middle of the night post-concussion. but the buckleys notice shes gone either because she makes too much noise sneaking out or they notice the severe lack of Robin-trying-to-be-quiet noises into the night (robin my tism queen definitely has bump-into-shit syndrome in the middle of the night but she also doesn't make any noise sneaking around the base with scoops troop so i think it's a 50/50 weather she can use the adrenaline to sneak out to see steve quietly)

so they put two and two together and drive over to the Harrington house. steve answers the door and calls robin over, both of them looking sheepish but not exactly guilty. they talk on steves couch (yes Steves there too) and stobin does their best to explain their separation anxiety that gets the severity across without getting them sent to a mental hospital all while making sure not to break any ndas (which ends up being a long conversation with stobin trying to translate their experience in the bunker to fit the cover story well enough, which is very different when the real story is kidnapping and the fake one is a building fire)

eventually they reach an understanding of "we're worried this is kinda unhealthy but its clearly more stressful to try and separate you right now and we're definitely not going to be able to stop you" so they compromise to let steve stay at the buckleys for a little bit so they can at least keep an eye on them. at first they try just letting steve sleep on the couch (which they agree to because steve worried about overstepping as the guest in their house) but one or both of them have nightmares the first night and robin ends up on the couch with him anyway.

after a few nights they get the gist of the stobin dynamic: attached so strongly its concerning but nothing... flirty. anything they do is always completely innocent. hand holding with no heart eyes, banter with no tension, hell even sharing a bed they resemble little kids in a sleepover pile more than lovers. and especially after nightmares they'll find robin holding steve like hes just one of her old teddy bears.

of course theyre still cautious and have their suspicions that theyre secretly dating and just really good at hiding it, they're paranoid parents after all and robins never shown this much attention to a boy ever. but they do relax a bit with it as they're more confident theres no... funny business.. going on. or at the very least nothing thats going to leave robin hurt. they'll have their talks and robin will promise its "nothing like that", but they've grown to like steve so they're sure robin will come to them when shes ready.

now if only there was a reasonable explanation for the middle schoolers that keep showing up. apparently they were also trapped in the fire with robin and steve which helps make some sense of it, but they also sat with them in the hospital. surely if they're having nightmares about the fire they'd go to their parents? they hadn't really talked much with the sinclairs but they seemed like very loving parents and robin follows steve to his little dinners with mrs Henderson pretty often so its not likely that they can't go to their parents about nightmares, but they seem to prefer going to steve specifically. like ringing the Buckley's doorbell at 1 in the morning asking if steves there. and of course they'll let them in and show them to robins room (after calling their parents first, do they even know their childs run off?) where steve was sleeping in a pallet on the floor but is now a glorified blanket pile robins hugging. on her bed, of course. because god forbid theres 2 feet of space between them.

and the kid just joins them in their sleepover pile, dustin usually clinging to steves other side like a baby koala and erica usually finding a spot leaning against robin or occasionally making room in between them

and so more often than not the Buckley's have not one, not two, but three extra children in their house that isn't their daughter, all of them sleeping in a pile on robins bed like theres nowhere else they'd rather be

[local-null-nb]

Ok questions:

Does the urethra always need to come out in that spot or can you get a cloaca kinda thing?

You alluded to this but can someone be fully sexually active? Are there drawbacks? Are there benefits? Is it customizable?

Can pubic hair be retained?

Can other designs besides smooth be done?

Do people get cool tattoos there? Are tattoos often used as part of the process such as men tattooing a bell onto their penis?

IS THERE SOMEWHERE I CAN FIND SOME FREAKING PICTURES ON THE GOD DAMN INTERNET BECAUSE I HAVE FOUND NONE

Might be more questions later lol. Im very interested in this surgery type. Thanks for your time btw.

I believe there might be some choice available for the urethra location but very limited, I do not know enough about what you thinking of regarding a cloaca but I don't think so.

One can definitely be sexually active after as you can choose to keep all the nerves responsible for sexual sensation embedded under the skin, though typical frontal penetrative sex isn't applicable anymore, for the front it would have to be grinding, tapping, vibrators, ETC.

The main drawback IMO is that if one is starting from having testicles your body will no longer produce sufficient sex hormones and taking hormone supplements becomes medically necessary for bone and heart health. Recovery can be a bit annoying too but it's very short for bottom surgery.

For benefits see my daily reason posts, or just the rest of my blog.

The most customizable aspect to my knowledge is placement of the sensitive nerves, and if you choose to keep them. You can also choose what parts you do and don't want to keep if you like some parts of your existing genitals.

Pubic hair is retained, it's my understanding that if you want to get it removed that'll be a different matter.

I haven't seen people get tattoos there but it sounds like a lovely idea!! If you keep the sensitive nerves then it'll be quite painful presumably.

I found googling "Nullification surgery results" gave some pictures from surgeons websites, this one gives the clearest picture from a quick search.

davisplasticsurgery .com/uploads/4/9/7/8/49788699/nullo-3.jpg

All the photos though are within days of the surgery so they don't look the nicest - swelling does down over time and the wound heals.

I plan on posting my own photo soon since there are so few photos of it well past recovery.

Glad to receive your questions! Feel free to send more!!

[moniericreative]

Goro Akechi: A Mask of Heroism

Part 3 of my multi-post series: "The Universally Hated Futaba Line: Biased Opinion to Throw Out, or a Valid Point Taken Too Literally?"

The posts will be in the following order:

Part 1: Clarifying the meaning of the line (link) Part 2: A Mask of Lies (link) Part 3: A Mask of Heroism (this post)

Please check out the first two posts of the series for more context, as it'll help explain the direction I'm going in when discussing this subject.

Without further ado, enjoy the final part!

So you guys might be asking why I started with the "Mask of Lies" first, and not this one. Especially since Akechi's childhood dreams of being a hero are stated very explicitly in his Royal confidant.

Well, it's because when you ignore the lies aspect (i.e. Futaba's words), and focus exclusively on this single portion of Akechi's character... A lot of people tend to think that's all Robin Hood represents. That he's the "Good Shoulder Angel™️" to Loki's "Bad Shoulder Devil™️" and nothing more. Sound vaguely familar?

It's the other unfortunate extreme that's full-tilt in the opposite direction.

By fervently ignoring Futaba's observation, you accidentally horsehoe right around from pigeon-holing Akechi's persona(s) with a convenient, singular label to... pigeon-holing Akechi's persona(s) with a convenient, singular label. This time it just sounds cuter because it's childhood nostalgia flavored.

But both Robin Hood and Loki are far more nuanced than that, and nothing's a bigger example of this than how Akechi's ideals of a "hero of justice" grew up with him (even if he himself can't see it).

How his methods of helping others gradually evolved from playing pretend with a toy gun and saving imaginary people...

To expertly utilizizing his crafted image and its connections, as well as his own resourcefulness and cunning, to help real people even if it doesn't his benefit his revenge against Shido in any way.

Much like the actual hero of legend that Robin Hood is based on (or at least, it's more modern interpretation).

Let us go back to the previous examples in a different light, shall we?

Let's Discuss: The Game

So we've already covered Akechi's absolute masterclass of subterfuge and cheating a rigged system to benefit the Phantom Thieves.

Is he only doing this to win their trust in order to pull the rug out from under them?

Perhaps, but that ignores the elephant in the room: His relationship with Sae.

While he does have a single line of "foolish woman" before the interrogation room, there's one small detail that often gets overlooked.

Why didn't he remind Shido that Sae was a loose end in their plans?

While he didn't know about the Phantom Thieves' actual plans to keep Joker alive, that still doesn't change the fact that the Sae now has direct ties to the Conspiracy's actions because they used her palace as a trap, and she presumably has a Change of Heart.

With how close Sae was to uncovering The Conspiracy already, and with a determination to keep digging until she found the truth, it would make sense for Shido to order her death. After all, he did so for Kayo (Ohya's friend), Kobayakawa, and the SIU Director and they arguably knew just as much.

So why didn't he?

Because Akechi kept his focus on the Phantom Thieves, and not once did he ever remind Shido about Sae.

"Well, maybe Akechi was riding the high of victory and simply forgot? He seems pretty egotistical during that timeframe."

True, but then you have multiple scenes following the Interrogation Room.

The first is his phone call with Shido on 11/20 (while he's in the elevator), where he tells him he'll take care of the Phantom Thieves:

And then the second scene is during Shido's arc, after Shido becomes paranoid due to the Thieves destroying his cognitions of people in his palace, and he and Akechi are in another call:

Notice something specific about both of these interactions? Not once does Akechi give any specifc info about when or how he eliminate these people. He instead keeps giving vague half-answers wrapped in a villianous bow, downplays the threat of the remaining thieves (especially Morgana), or tells Shido "why not wait until after the election?"

The election that he's already planning to ruin Shido on.

Both moments are such a blatant attempt at damage control to ensure less blood is spilled in the long-run, and recontextualizes everything beforehand with Sae.

Throughout the game he says he respects her, and that's no more evident than this. Despite tricking her, he's not interested in killing her or inducing a breakdown/shutdown in her.

In fact he went along with the plan to Change Her Heart and left it at that, only knowing that by stealing her treasure, she'd hopefully re-evaluate her actions leading up to this and go back to normal.

He didn't know that the Thieves never planned to actually steal her treasure. He just trusted their methods, knowing it helps more people in the end than his own. He even asks Makoto herself this:

Which, while it could be seen as him just pretending to be comforting her, gains a more genuine layer with the above context behind his question. The guy loves his double-entendres after all. He put his faith in them, and lied on their behalf to Shido to keep the remaining thieves and Sae safe, regardless of whether he was aware he was doing such or not. On another note, there's also some cut Mementos lines as well (implying that it's not just Joker he opens up to, but everyone else as well):

And finally, we can talk about that Cut Mementos Request as well.

In a way, I understand why this was cut despite being nearly finished. It doesn't leave the players feeling accomplished, but rather like they just made the situation worse and can't take it all back.

But that's the point, and it's a very important lesson they sorely need.

Akechi intentionally chooses targets similar to his situation with Shido, and any information he gives to the Thieves is superficial. Past work history, past connections, etc. As far as investigating goes, he even says he'll do it himself, which the other thieves agree to. Then when they all discuss a game plan, he hangs back while the other thieves come up with their own narrative for what's happening, and doesn't correct them.

The entire point behind this long charade though?

He doesn't want the Thieves to get hurt any further by people like him.

One very important thing to note about this request is that it only occurs during Third Semester. Maruki's Reality. The same reality where, once they defeat him to restore the true reality, everything that occurs during it will be reverted.

Including the events of this request.

Which is probably the actual reason why it got cut other than time-constraints. What's the point in learning it if your mistake can be undone in the end, right?

But again, that's the point. It's a means of giving the Thieves a reality check to be more careful in the future, without them carrying a permanent weight on their shoulders like he has. To let them actually feel first-hand the consquences of their powers when used recklessly, or blindly putting their faith in anybody, and hopefully learn from it to save others more effectively.

He's giving them the lesson and out that he never got before he started working with Shido, and was in too deep to quit.

Let us discuss: P5: The Animation

This time, we've actually got two instances instead of just one.

The first is Yusuke's situation with Kawanabe: (Episode 13 · Dreams and Desires) The second is Futaba's situation with her uncle: (Episode 24 · A Challenge That Must Be Won)

In Yusuke's case, Akechi's main argument to convince Joker into helping him with the investigation into Kawanabe is this:

Of all the people he could've gone to for assistance on the case, he went directly to Joker because he knows Yusuke is his friend, and if they don't do this, Yusuke, a child with honest aspirations, will become yet another casualty of a corrupt individual in power.

He's solved plenty of cases without needing Joker's presence, case in point his entire years-long Detective Prince career (which the anime shows isn't just the cases involving the shutdowns). But he's still willing to ask for his help anyways because he knows Joker will also do anything to protect people in need, even if it means bending or outright breaking the law.

In Futaba's case meanwhile, the dynamic is flipped around completely: Joker asks Akechi for help. The whole situation starts with Akechi being the one to initiate the topic on Futaba acting off due to her uncle:

And Joker responds to him with this sometime later:

The day after, they both have this exchange while discussing the matter:

The entire time, Joker's very open about not wanting to share much information about Futaba's situation to Akechi, who at this point the thieves are well aware he's the Black Mask. It's only after Akechi shares his own experiences with his mother and the foster care system that Joker finally gives him the info he needs to look into Futaba's uncle. Akechi never asks for more context, he trusts Joker's judgement that this is another awful person who needs to be stopped and goes along with it without question.

And all to help a girl that he's aware is in this whole situation because of his actions, too. You could probably argue this is way of atoning for what happened to Wakaba.

Let us discuss: Mementos Mission

Here we can actually talk a bit of the grander plot in the manga, rather than focusing on an iconic yet minor part of it. To give a brief summary, Mika is accused of a murder, and Ann and Joker (followed by the rest of the thieves) want to clear her name and find the true culprit. To this end, Joker decides, against the judgement of the other thieves, to ask Akechi for help in looking into this whole mess.

One key thing to note about this is that Akechi goes out of his way to look into this in between his own cases, including that of the "Double Fanged Murder Demon" that they find out later on is connected to it. And the kicker? It's not even remotely connected to The Conspiracy at all, either. Nor Akechi's revenge plan against Shido (which does get hinted at in this story). There's no subtle clues indicating that some parties might be tied to the conspiracy, or need to be taken out like Okumura was. It's just an entire cast of people in their own smaller spider-web of coincidences, that Joker and co. happen to stumble into. Akechi has absolutely nothing to gain from indulging in Joker's request to look into police files or clues, but he still chooses to do so anyways, even if he's technically not supposed to share details due to confidential information.

The only thing he asks for in return? More coffee and curry. That's it. Surprisingly simple pleasures for a very complex guy.

Akechi's honestly one those characters that's fascinating to see others react to. When people hear the "lie" comment, they tend to jump straight into two categories afterwards:

The people who take it too literally, and proceed to loathe him with every fibre of their being and doubt every word he says (and end up falling for his black mask "being his true, more likeable self" by Third Semester when it's yet another distancing tactic).

The people who write it off completely, and proceed to victimize him to the point that it takes away any agency he has over his crimes (in spite of how frequently Akechi accepts the blame for his own involvement, or says that it wasn't solely Shido's manipulation driving him forward).

Even Akechi himself says it: It's not that simple.

He's a liar, but he lies for a damn good reason.

It's just such a shame that there isn't much room to have nuanced discussions about this, because of the two sides and the admittedly knee-jerk reactions to anything opposing them.

Because everything involving the Robin Hood side of Akechi is honestly fantastic. It's a middle-ground on justice between blind righteousness (like the Phantom Thieves) and tunnel-visioned "might makes right" (like Shido, Yaldy, Maruki, and to an extent Sae).

It's the stance of someone who's crawled his way up through a living hell with pleasant smiles and a gun behind his back, but still has enough faith in humanity to put his trust in Joker: The closest person to his idealistic image of a hero, moreso than himself.

The Detective Prince and Black Mask may have been public images, but underneath both is a kid who just cares deeply and painfully about others.

[eulogium-red]

i'd like to see more of the theme of "family" in overwatch. we see it a lot with ana & fareeha, ram & zen, brig/torb/rein/bastion, genji & hanzo. but those are the obvious ones between playable characters. the ones that are much more clearly written on the wall, even once-in-a-blue-moon players could pick up on. much else is hardly focused on despite how much family (or a lack thereof) has shaped many of the character's lives & identities for better or for worse

i don't like how martina & the unnamed reyes kid are only mentioned in passing, despite gabriel himself visiting often unannounced. clearly they were an important part of his life. clearly, family is an important part of his life — i'm very willing to wager that small passage about the death of his parents in declassified was written very intentionally. his complicated relationship with death, and how it was further affected by his own "death," & how he's now in some warped reversed position with his new family. but we don't get much more than a few voice lines about martina (is she even mentioned by name in-game orrr am i not remembering?)

i want to see how ashe manages the gang throughout the second omnic crisis. or perhaps we could see her mannerisms slightly change with bob. maybe instead of standing side-by-side with him as she is in the reunion cinematic, she puts herself more between him & potential unrealised threats. or maybe she subtly tries to nudge him under awnings whenever she spots ufos, weary they're housing subjugators — little things that are very intentional. maybe her demeanor tilts ever so slightly from confident but guarded, to guarded but confident.

i want to get a better picture of the role sam english played in fareeha's life just from playing the game, especially after ana's presumed death. i want to know more about their relationship other than the christmas dinner they had. i wonder how many players just assume fareeha's father died young, or assume the writers didn't care to write one at all? for a long time, i thought the former. i wonder what sam thinks of some of fareeha's closest friends — has he met cole & angela? what does he think of helix? we hardly even see fareeha's native heritage expressed other than the two skins off the top of my head

what about cassidy & echo? i know this is a more implied one, but cassidy was the first one to nurture her "childlike intelligence." even today, he guides her — he encouraged her to help winston&co at paris when he was still on the fence. one of the cutest things for me is her enthusiastically shouting "hello winston!" mid-battle, presumably not long after cassidy told her to say hi. she probably would've either way, but i also don't want to discredit the role cassidy has had on her development & i really do want to see more of them

or, speak of the devil, how winston views everyone at overwatch as family. how in watchpoint: gibraltar's 1st defense spawn, you can see the little beds he set up for lena and mei, how you can read an email as proof he got the blankets from a small kids blanket business. the way he keeps photos of the gang, years later. how vehemently protective he was of all their locations. i wish we could see it reciprocated a little more, i wish we could see individual sleeping areas for other heroes as the story progresses, or more items on his desk. & that's not even getting into hammond

& i don't think i can have a family post without mentioning dad 76 or how i desperately want to see benicio being the best supportive dad for lúcio more but honestly i'm getting pretty sleepy so either i'll add more later or someone can add more.

depending how you stretch the definition of family here, it can include other dynamics too. baptiste finding a new sense of belonging in the new overwatch, or mei braving the antarctic to not let her team's death go in vain & to help people who can still be helped — from jiayi and her team still on mars, to the people who now need her help on earth. i'd also argue hana's squad in korea. what are niran's siblings up to? are we gonna see more of efi & orisa? moreover, how are all these non-playable side character characters handling the invasion? i guess we got some texts between lena and emily

family is such a powerful motivator, but can also be really complicated, as seen with the amaris and shimadas + kiriko, i wish we got a similar amount of investment some other places too

a major theme of overwatch is moving towards the future, progressing in some way. & that looks different for everyone depending on their emotional readiness to do that, and what they view "progression" as. so it makes sense a lot of characters don't look back on those they lost along the way so much, at least not too openly (zarya comes to mind), but that's what can make their present relationships with others that much more worth preserving & seeing

probably an impossible ask of a game feeling the effects of layoffs that's primarily focused on pvp/bp/shop items but ykn

thank u for coming to my tedtalk

[lexii282]

Hi hi!! ✨

This is my first short story maybe? That I’ve written and posting! And of course it's about Mr. Burrow himself because good lord 🥵

It is not proof read so this is your warning. If you see anything lmk! I don’t mind constructive criticism.

Go easy on me and hope you enjoy 🫶🏼

Untouchable

Warnings; none

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I woke up to the feeling of something trailing along the inside of my thighs as I lay there asleep. At first, I don’t realize what it is until I force the sleepy haze aside and concentrate only to put the pieces together. I'm in the hotel room that he rented and It’s his lips pressing against my skin gently just enough so I could feel it and wake up. His hands moved softly up and down my hips to my sides. Slightly massaging the parts he decides to stop at.He finally decides to stay focused on my hips just where the waistband of my underwear lay at and start to pull them down only to be stopped by my hands on top of his.

“And here I thought you had enough last night Burrow” I let a small smile grace my lips

He pops his head up with a smug smile and kisses his way up my body to finally land right next to my lips. Bringing my hands above my head trapped by his holding them down and finally says

“If you’re tapping out sweetheart that’s all you gotta say. Just tell me how you can’t take anymore and need a break” A small laugh bubbles out of me

“Joey please you and I both know we can keep it going but we both have places to be and people to see”

“And none of them are you in this bed dressed like this so I don’t care (y/n/n). He hovers above me with that same smug expression that I’ve grown to love in the past couple of months.

I stare back up at him

“Easy there. You’re starting to sound like you actually might have a crush on me”

He rolls his eyes and lays beside me and I turn to look at him.

“I like having your presence around. There’s nothing wrong with that.” he shrugs.

“Mhm. Just remember the deal okay? I don’t want anyone getting hurt lover boy”

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head sweetheart I’m the last one you need to worry about catching feelings.”

I smile. “Good. Then I’m getting in the shower.”

“Can I join??” He asks as I was shutting the door

“Nope!” I hear his laugh right after

I stand under the shower head letting the hot water ease my muscles. The stress of the past couple of weeks catching up to me after leaving it behind for a few hours last night.

When you’re chasing your dreams you never truly believe everything they say about how you’ll miss the calm and stability you had in your life before you got everything you wanted. I guess that’s where Joe comes in for me. Since really being in the spotlight I never felt more alone and like no one understands. Of course, I love what I do but I just could never imagine how lonely I would feel.

Joe Burrow the QB for the Bengals. We met at a mutuals party one night when I was in town visiting my family and we hit it off. The conversation flowed and we had a lot in common. I felt like I could be myself for once and didn’t have to hold back. Eventually, too many drinks were consumed and we made our way back to his place via Uber because drunk driving? I could never.

We made it up to his room and I made myself comfortable on his bed while he had to go get something. Presumably a condom and finally when he comes back in the room hyped and ready just one look is all it takes to kill his mood. Why you ask?

Well, I would love to answer that question (hint the sarcasm). I had fallen asleep. One of the most embarrassing things I could have done and I did it in front of the Joe burrow. I’ve had a crush on the guy ever since he started playing for the team and I finally get my chance and I go and fuck it up. He made sure to tell me all about it the next day and loves to still bring it up to this day. We’ve since made this a recurring thing whenever we’re both in town or free to fly wherever the other one may be. It’s been easier meeting up with me being on a break but eventually, it’s going to come to an end with me going back to recording this new album.

Just a few months ago I had finished my arena tour and decided to take time off to really take everything in. All the accomplishments I was able to achieve just like I’ve always wanted and of course, I just wanted to take time away to spend with my friends and family. It’s been hard but it’ll be worth it.

“Hey, I need to head out. I’ll see you later though right?” Joe says opening the door not to mention scaring me a little. I almost forgot where I was so lost in my thoughts. I poke my head out while using the shower curtain to keep the rest of my body covered.

“Uh, what’s later?”

“Some of the guys are meeting up at that club. Ya know the new one they just opened a few weeks ago. I was telling you about it last night. “ He comes closer to me jokingly pulling on a string of wet hair. I slap his hand away before saying

“Riiight. I don’t know Joe. Don’t you think it might be weird that we’re there together? You know how the media is not to mention the fans.”

“Why would it be weird unless you make it weird (y/n/n). We’re friends. Nothing wrong with that. Don’t make it a bigger deal than it has to be” He shrugs

“I’m not. But we said when we started this that nobody would know about us hanging out. I think being spotted together at a club of all places will raise a few questions.”

“Listen it’s a new place and we both by coincidence wanted to check it out on the same night. I don’t think it would be all that weird. Just don’t get jealous when you see all the ladies around me yeah?” He lets a smug smile form.

I roll my eyes. Cocky asshole.

“Shut up and get out of my bathroom Burrow. I don’t have time for your games. He lets out a laugh. That sound has quickly become one of my favorite sounds.

“If I recall correctly I paid for this room so therefore it’s my bathroom sweetheart.” He pauses and then continues.

“Just don’t think too much about it alright? Go out with your friends get a couple of drinks and oh look! Quarterback, Joe Borrow is here. He's hot maybe we should go say hi”

“Do you think your head will explode if it gets any bigger?”

“Nah but I’m sure you’d like to think it would.” He leans down and kisses my cheek and starts walking out.

“I’ll see you later sleeping beauty”

“Jerk!” I yell out. You fall asleep once during a hookup and you never live it down. Unbelievable.

[tyran-the-tyranical]

I’m currently writing a fic and writing for Raphael is a little infuriating if I’m being honest.

Mostly because he has such a way about him, and unlike the other characters where there’s some room for deviation, he’s quite rigid in his mannerisms. So I’ve literally been scraping through his dialogue and ‘analysing’ his behaviour, and this is what I’ve ‘boggled’ it down to.

EDIT: This is actually really long, and in fact not boggled down at all, Keep Reading at your own peril...

(OK, So I've completely reorganized this post to be more readable) 

Raphael is a complex and multifaceted character, but here are some main character traits of his that I'll delve more into as we go on;  

-Manipulative and Deceptive 

-Arrogant and Condescending 

-Sadistic and Enjoys Suffering 

-Cunning and Strategic 

-Relishes Power and Control 

-Patient and Calculative 

-Dark Humor  

-Alluring and Subtly Flirtatious  

-Dual Nature and Contradictory  

-Hedonistic and Indulgent tendencies

-Ambition

Though Raphael wants to paint himself as an honest person, that still doesn’t mean he isn't Manipulative with us, he uses many tactics to gain our trust, from crafting this honest and helpful persona to literally threatening us and building pressure to make a deal to escape ceremorphosis. 

"I'm here to help, not harm” 

"I am master here. A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin. All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted." (From Chapter 3 of his Diaries) 

“Come now, why playing hard to get when you're in deep over your tadpole head all those pretty little symptoms sundering skin dissolving guts they haven't manifested yet have they?" 

"I'll be around watching you squirm like a tadpole through a nice juicy brain" 

As we progress his threats go from subtle to outright fear-mongering, but this also goes into somewhat of his dual nature as when he moves past his honest persona to just pressuring you, he still wants to paint himself as some sort of Saviour. Of course, this is also just another tactic of his, painting himself as a friend or helper, as though he doesn't have his own ulterior motives, which sure he admits outright but in the ending where you do give him the crown he drops this façade and tells you he's planning on taking over more than the hells and will eventually come for you next. I also think this bleeds into his own needs to be adored, you can see this further in his little plaques he has around his house. 

"Am I a friend? Potentially, an adversary? Conceivably, but a savior? that's for certain. Try to cure yourself. Shop around - beg, borrow, and steal. Exhaust every possibility until none are left.  And when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair that's when you'll come knocking on my door. Take all the time you need but make up your mind before you're counting down with tentacles"  

Additionally, this all just feeds into his performative nature - to the extent that he sometimes borders on narrator territory. He has his little monologues as he talks about us as though we’re characters in a story and he’s just recounting our actions to some unseen audience.  

[His speech before the Yurgir encounter is a good example of this]

 

"Through the dark, she went creeping and awoke what was sleeping" 

"The Shadows grow long and the hour is late" - also wherever this quote is from works well too 

There are even more subtle moments where he's still being performative, even when he's not physically present, which goes into his desire and constant longing to be seen as something akin to a True or Full Devil (or archdevil). Since he is a cambion he is restricted a lot by his mortal half. He is held back by his human needs like sleep and presumably food too. I think he tries to cover for this through excess, as if you go to the HoH in Act 3, you can see the food on the table is just filled to the brim of just rotten food, basically all of it wasted. Also, there are loads of scattered areas that have fruit or wine throughout his house. I believe he does this on purpose to try to come across as though food is nothing but a pleasurable activity he indulges in now and again rather than a necessity and he doesn't care if he wastes it (Also just saying he's rich, let them eat cake, L + Ratio). 

However his façade isn't perfect since he is still fallible, and he can fail/die. We can see this because, at every opportunity he possibly can, he attempts to convey this front of being omnipotent and powerful - as close as he can to an archdevil. To be fair, he manages to do this pretty really well, At times he can even come across as this truly unbeatable force, that we can’t ever truly defeat. This is exemplified by the fact that, even if we kill him, if we look in his logbook of previous visitors, it hints at him trying to find a way to cheat death by transferring his soul into a clone or something adjacent. 

Now whether he ever managed to accomplish this by the time we attack him is uncertain, (though there is a non-canon / cut content line where he begs for his father's help as we fight him, kinda of insinuating he never fully realized his backup plan in time and he’s actually afraid he’ll die, but that’s also not in the game so who can say for sure) 

“I cannot lose to you. Not here. Not in my home. I cannot die! Mephistopheles, hear your son! I am at your mercy - save me!” - NOT CANON BTW, but omg do I love this line 

Another slight hint that Raphael might not be as indestructible as he'd like us to believe is when he is playing lance board with Mol. 

"My, the double counter Gambit. Vicious. Exactly what I would have done" 

Now for all intents and purposes Raphael does not need to win against Mol, that wasn't the purpose of their game, either way he already had his eyes set on her to make a deal anyway. Yet it demonstrates that whether you cheat or actually manage to outwit him, he can be beaten, since he can't hide behind a persona when playing (Mostly). 

Furthermore, Raphael is like an English teacher, he loves his little similes and metaphors, and just talking in a verbose manner, and it’s not just word vomit, no no no, he makes it sound interesting, he is performing for us after all. For me personally tho, it’s difficult to replicate, unlike other characters or companions where you can deviate their dialogue, like hearing Astarion say ‘fuck you’ to Cazador, I don’t think you could get away with that for Raphael.  

"The mouse smiled brightly it outfoxed, then down came the claw and that love was that"  

"Perfect, one more rhyme for Old Time's sake; The master was slain within his own house, they dined on him both, the cat and the mouse."  

"Like a mosquito nibbling at a dragon, be gone"  

I also think it's so interesting that the man who does nothing but spout rhymes and poetry will say this if you call his poetry out for being dirt; 

"I admit it isn't my primary interest not, by any stretch" 

Excuse me, sir?  I do think he genuinely likes poetry/writing in general, he supposedly even wrote a play before sooo, also I just think that all these contradictory things he says are on purpose, he's trying to be mysterious to some extent, and he doesn't want you to be able to gauge or understand him, he just wants you to believe in his persona he's crafted for you and that's all. Though like I've said before, his mask can slip off, especially in private or when he's enraged. An example is when he's referring to his employees who have failed him.  

"[A record of various associates of Raphael's, listing their duties, and their respective performance.] 

Korrilla Hearthflame - field work - so far I've barely 

had to singe the tips of her fingers. This one shows promise. 

Archivist - naughty boy, supposed to be looking after the collection, 

but has a tendency to drift. May have to start breaking his neck to 

give his spine a chance to recover. 

Nubaldin - little shit let Gortash get away. Not letting 

him near the prisons ever again. Chamber of Egress will 

do fine until I find a replacement for him." 

Moreover, he’s also very condescending/patronizing. (I think even in one of his dialogues, the devs noted he should even come across that way). I think that’s just a part of his little superiority complex, he’s the chess player and we’re all just his little pawns (that is until we kill him ourselves, it almost makes me think that Tav/Durge is actually the other player in the game and to some extent Raphael knows this and tries to play accordingly). He constantly wants to portray this cool and confident personality, that he’s accounted for every possible outcome (and in a lot of ways he has) and that even if he doesn’t get what he wants, it doesn’t faze him, and in fact, he’ll try to make it seem like either way it benefits him, and sure in some ways it might, but I do believe he’s just saying that to mask his failure to achieve his goal. 

"I should snuff you out and make coin of your soul, but it will be more amusing to let you see the consequences of your actions. Do you really think that the crown is safer in the hands of a goddess than in the claws of a devil?" (Look, I don't like Mystra, but do I think the crown is safer with her? UH yea)  

"Such an eager little pup."  

"You really do think highly of yourself. My sights are set on something much more valuable than your soul, succulent though it would be."  

He's Definitely pissed at us for being a little shithead and giving the crown to Mystra (even tho in the game if you complete Gale's quests you rlly have no choice lol) But he still tries to play it off as this will be terrible for you but great for him, since if shit hits the fan, he's just gonna get more souls - Though I'm sure this is him just trying to save face, or at least to some extent. We can see him actually lose his composure if we ascend Gale. 

"Do not toy with me, Wizard!" - R 

"I thought you liked playing games? You can have the crown Raphael, but you'll need to come and collect it from my realm" - G 

"You can't do this!" - R 

"I hit him where he's most vulnerable, pricked his pride, and sent him back to the hells to lick his wounds. He'll be back, the question is will he find us side by side?" - G 

This is really fun to see since even Gale knows Raphael has no power over him and can just mess with him, and initially, Raphael tries to gain control by saying like 'Oh no, I'm not going to take the crown Gale's going to give me it, like we agreed' and then when Gale fucks with him and it utterly infuriates him because there's not much else he can do really since Gale, though he might not be as powerful as Mystra, is definitely more powerful than Raphael. I also think it's very interesting that, even though we've basically gone against Raphael and screwed him over, he doesn't plan on taking it out on us, and I know he says he wants us to see the consequences of our actions but I think there's a different reason to why he doesn't take action against us. I think he's genuinely afraid of us, let me explain. He was clearly already afraid of our potential before any of the endings, shown in his dream he wrote about in his diary, and when we manage to survive everything that the game throw at us and defeat the nether brain, we've basically become undefeatable (Not really but you get what I mean) The only time he even suggests he'll take one of our souls is if Gale explodes while trying to ascend and well, there's not going to be much resistance since he's already blown up. 

"There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me. 

In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for

the tadpoled even now. 

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested." 

Raphael is not only fueled by his ambition but his fear (I'll talk more about that later too) and so he acts accordingly, he plans and schemes for hundreds of years trying to account for every possibility, and at times he can even come across as a total control freak lol. He has Korilla literally stalk us throughout the game, he also knows personal facts about our companions (he’s done his homework), and he’s literally planned and orchestrated events in the plot to help lean towards us giving him the crown in the end (it’s implied he helped vlaakith chain Orpheus or idk some other devil did with infernal chains, and he’s the one who helps wipe Ketherics lil army to just one justiciar) he’s had a lot of time to plan and plan he has. He’s constantly aware of your movements since he picks very specific points to appear to you.  

"[Laughter] The good thing is though there's only one little voice you really should listen to, Mine" - Total control freak behavior  

"you'll be back, it's something of great importance to your master is it a love letter a warning or a deed of ownership I can give you all the Gory details"  

"Carved into that Ivory skin of yours is one part of an infernal contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles and your former master" 

"Karlach, why does that name ring a bell? hmm, perhaps I read it in a book somewhere." 

An interesting thing to note is that I think his controlling and performative tactics are the ultimate reason to why he inevitably fails (If you decide to kill him I mean) Since he's spent so much time controlling the narrative literally and figuratively, he's literally altered events leading up to our arrival so that we can give him what he wants and he even talks about us as if we are just a character in his story he's created, he's been doing this so long he truly believes he can control the narrative, that he's predicted every outcome and he really doesn't think we'd go against that we could go against him. He's been so out of the narrative himself, an observer who might nudge things to go his way now and then but never be in the action himself that he truly believed he was untouchable, that he could just float above it all like he did with Karsus’s folly happened. 

Now onto an aspect of Raphael I find very interesting – His relationship's with those around him. As I said before he’s a total control freak, and that’s clearly fueled (if not caused) by his narcissism and we can see that even outside of our protags. Look at Haarlep for instance, (there’s so much to dissect with these two) but Raphael strictly has Haarlep made to look like himself, and is the only form he’ll sleep with. There isn’t just one answer to why he’d do that, firstly, it just boils down to him being a narcissist sure, but on the other hand a point can be made that he’s doing it strategically. 

Haarlep was sent to distract him, and presumably to spy and report back as well (Hypothetically, it's not confirmed) and presumably, Raphael is clever enough to realize that. So why would he reveal anything about himself in such a vulnerable way, so why not just make the incubus be in one form and one form only? It also serves as a lil bit of a punishment I suppose, since Haarlep can be 1000 different people but is forced to stay as one. There’s also another angle to this, that narcissists generally find intimacy difficult, and being vulnerable with other people. So why be vulnerable when you can stick to the devil you know? 

Party member: How did you end up here? 

Haarlep: Sent by Mephistopheles... distract naughty son. 

He knows himself better than anyone, so why would he bother with anyone else? It’s a bit of a defense mechanism, he’s not willing to be vulnerable or let his guard down (and to be fair, for good reason) so it’d be better for him to stick to what he knows, what he’s comfortable with. I’m just going to throw this out here but he comes across as a total hedgehog dilemma sorta of guy, gives off real Shinji Ikari vibes tbh. (NOT REALLY, He's more Gman than anything but just without the charisma 💅) 

Party member: Did you ever turn into forms besides Raphael's? 

Haarlep: Raphael... loves... only... Raphael. 

Now, this is just supposed to be a Raphael analysis but I find it impossible not to mention Haarlep and their motivations as well, since they are arguably the closest person (Literally) to Raphael. Haarlep comes across as a complete gossip type since they seem to just love to air out Raphael's little secrets, they even say how Raphael can Deny them nothing so either Raphael does trust them to some extent to make them his confidant or well, Haarlep just Wittles it out of him during their sessions. Either way, they hold some closeness to Raphael, yet I find it revealing that they immediately will expose him and actually help you (for a price ofc) and intentionally try to help you kill Raphael. Now whether they believed we could actually kill him or not is up for debate, but after you give them your form they do say that they'll enjoy misusing you and they do tell you what will happen when they use your form, so if they believed you were going to die why bother? 

Haarlep doesn't seem to be the only one as in their letter to you in the epilogue it's revealed that even the devils in Mephistopheles's court seemed to hate Raphael. 

"Since the timely end of Raphael's reign, I've gone back to Mephistopheles' Palace in Cania. Many of his Father's court are celebrating the demise of my little brat - behind closed doors. And I'm making a fortune selling evenings in his form now there is no contract binding me to secrecy. Rather tasteless to desire a dead man like that, even amongst devilkind, isn't it?" 

Haarlep even calls Raphael their little brat, though perhaps it was out of endearment as even Haarlep remarks how low it is to desire a dead man when they use Raphael's form. This could possibly show some sort of remorse towards Raphael's death, but it's pretty unclear, yet that's also to be expected since Haarlep is a full devil and they even state they're a crueler master than Raphael so perhaps that was true as well. It genuinely seems that no one actually cares for Raphael, besides perhaps Korilla, and I mean that's fair in all honestly, considering how he treats most of his employees (Hope too) but it's also funny that the people he wants to impress or become most, the devils, also hate him or want to well.. Have some fun times with his form after he's already dead.  I also think it's interesting that Haarlep refers to Raphael as a dead man rather than a devil, they don't even say 'amongst his own kind', It's interesting because Raphael himself is so adamant on calling himself a Devil rather than cambion or whatever (tbf he's not the only one, Mizora does the same or at least out characters don't care to make the distinction) Yet Haarlep doesn't care to make that distinction. Now, of course, man doesn't necessarily mean a mortal man or whatever, but it's still intriguing to note.

An interesting thing to note about Devil society is that, unlike Demons who usually just outcast or kill their cambions, Devils at least allow Cambions to intergrade into their Hierarchy, but at the same time it's a system that wasn't built for them to succeed in since cambions can't physically be promoted, they aren't guaranteed anything form their work, so everything they have, they've had to work hard for. Unlike those around him, Raphael has had to work extra for his position (though I'm sure his title of Son of Mephistopheles did help somewhat) he seems to have it quite good, and tbh I even initially thought he was his own free agent, and didn’t even have to serve under Zariel (but he does) he just has it really good, or at least better than most cambions from what it seems. At the same time, I find it intriguing that he sparsely even mentions who he is in relation to his father. Through subtle hints throughout that game, it's clear that Raphael actually probably hates his father or is perhaps extremely jealous of him, since at the same time he mirrors him in some aspects.  

I think the Dungeoncast said it best when examining the devil's mindset that I also think apply to Raphael quite well too;

"Their dogma essentially revolves around seeking power over others, always adhering to an eye-for-an-eye principle. They exploit any kindness shown to them and show no compassion for the weak, exhibiting traits of a sociopath. Winning at any cost is their mantra, often cloaked in the guise of promoting personal excellence and independence. When they harm others, they rationalize it as providing motivation to succeed."

Even though his society basically looks down on him, whether he's successful or not, Raphael still believes in their mindset, mostly since that's probably how he's survived and thrived in the Hells. This mantra that the devils have has warped who he is as a person entirely and also his ambitions, he doesn't want any other than control, he sees no point in forming meaningful relationships or other interests, and he only sees domination and power as his goal since that's all his society has told him is important.

Another thing I’ve read about cambions is their sense of entitlement, especially over mortals, and well Raphael certainly fits the bill. Which might contribute to why he wants what he wants. I mean, why does Raphael want to take over the hells? To end the blood war? Sure, almost all devils want to rise the ranks but Raphael’s goals are a lot more lofty than that, and why is that? Is it solely his ego? To be seen as something kin to a god-like Asmodeus, or is it to best and humiliate his father? Perhaps both, or perhaps neither, it’s somewhat unclear, but perhaps he just feels entitled to something greater or maybe he wants out of the rat race that is the Devil's Hierarchy.  

"It's the Fatal flaw of mortal kind take away their free will and they call you a tyrant, allow them to indulge it and they become tyrants" 

 

A final point is since he’s a narcissist, he’s obsessed with his image, yea I know, very obvious. And it’s been mentioned a few times that this is probably why he and Haarlep look so different, it’s either insecurity or wanting to come across as something more mature, why he’d look older than Haarlep when they should be an exact copy. It’s the whole reason he’s been performing, curating this image to us, one that he barely even allows himself to break at home unless he’s enraged. If you look at it for what it is, it’s just insecurity and almost desperation. A desperate desire to be seen as something greater, something akin to his father (daddy issues are making their appearance) and it honestly comes across as erratic, and extreme. 

 

He’s so obsessed with his image that perhaps when Haarlep said they’re a perfect copy of Raphael they didn’t mean as an exact copy, they meant they’re are literally a perfect version of Raphael, a better version (most likely a result of insecurities of how he's perceived). Who can say for sure what the reason is why they look so different if they’re supposed to be mirrors of each other. His whole obsession with is image really matches his father, since Mephistopheles is known to change his appearance and curates it for mortals as well (It's why he's confused with Asmodeus a lot since he just goes for a basic generic devil look). 

One more thing, considering all the characters we meet throughout the game, Raphael is or is one of the oldest characters in-game, seeing as he's possibly 1000+ years old. Considering this, it makes sense that on top of him being a devil anyway, he finds himself detached from mortals as well as his own mortal half. Though he is quite proactive in his contract seeking seeing as he not only seeks us out but characters like Mol and Lyrthindor (Tho that was more towards orchestrating his own goals) Otherwise he can just sit up in his Ivory tower devoid of mortal's strive, I mean he even says multiple times that his house is a safe haven for the tired/sick/restless/etc. On top of him already trying to detach himself from his mortal half, he also has the benefit of being so old that he probably has already become numb to it, to mortal thoughts and feelings. He wouldn't be able to emphasize or understand it (tho him being a devil wouldn't have helped either) all he would understand is how to use their suffering to his own benefit. Any possibility for humanity within Raphael is either so faint it's practically not there or there is none left entirely.  

"Never have I been so attracted to mortals as I am to those infested by the tadpole." 

He even says this himself. Mortals have never had any impact on him, physically or emotionally. Yet in saying that, they've never really been given the chance to. The closest a mortal besides us the player to have ever gotten 'close' to Raphael or have impacted him is Hope. Raphael is not only a complex character but he has so many complex relationships with the few people he lets around him. As I said before Raphael is completely blinded to humanity, he's definitely a person who believes the ends justify the means and that has never been more evident than in what he does with Hope. He doesn't care what It takes just as long as it gets him what he wants, that's why he helps orchestrate the plot to lean in his favor, why he basically tricks Yurgir, and why he has no problem torturing Hope even though she's basically no one to him, she isn't even a debtor.  

Though Raphael is almost completely removed from being anything close to a human being, even after all this time, whether he likes it or not, he still does have some human traits. His interests for one help humanize him (Which tbh he is probably aware of and uses to his advantage) Sure he likes poetry and literature, but he's also just obsessed with everything surrounding Karsus and Hope (or at least the concept) He even names his house The House of Hope and whether he renamed it that after Hope or whether that was it's original name isn't clear but either way he really likes the idea of hope in hell. You can see this throughout his house on the little plaques he has scattered throughout, he definitely wants to be people's last hope or perhaps just hope in general, it would make sense as well since he wants to literally break hope and bend her under his will. 

"Karsus's folly the Bard and Scholars call it. I call it hope, the hope of creating a better world, and The Perils of unchecked hubris"  

(Karsus and Hope are basically his only two special interests that he starts to literally combine them) 

Another very human trait of Raphael’s is that Raphael has a fear of failure. He even has dreams about us destroying everything he's worked for and killing him.  

"There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me. 

In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for the tadpoled even now. 

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested." 

Even though he reassures himself that he is Raphael and cannot be easily bested it's clear he's still very desperate. The only variable in his plan that he can't truly control is Us and he definitely knows this. Even other characters like Gale can tell how desperate he is. His facade of Invincibility is one of the tactics he uses against us to keep us in check against him. To be honest, all these things lend to humanizing him far greater than any poetry or quote he could ever spout because it shows his vulnerability, it shows he's not as invincible as he'd like us to believe, that he does have weaknesses and can in fact fail. A very mortal trait to have in all fairness. 

Also on another quick note, he totally has a special interest (obsession) in Karsus, like him seeing Karsus accidentally kill thousands of people in the netherese cities became a core memory for him, one that he’s never let go, even now.  

"The archdevil Mephistopheles snatched up the crown and squirreled it away in one of his vaults. He is not more than a frigid archivist"  

"I want the crown that dominates the Elder brain and then we all Gather in the House of Hope me dressed in my finest silks, you skinless, hanging from a hook to watch as your world dies"  

"you would have been Heroes if you only dealt fairly with me, instead you're not so different to doomed Karsus, overreaching your limits and burning your world to Ash"  

"The screams oh the screams hundreds of thousands of people watching in horror as the ground came up to meet them" 

His ambitions seem to be fueled a lot by his narcissism and this belief that he can achieve all he's set out for and actually do a good job in implementing order, etc. Whether this is a founded belief or not is debatable, since we don't really know what he achieves past supposedly Avernus. 

"Though with the crown, I would impose perfect order, Unity, efficiency, control, my kingdom would control its borders and stay within them" (Sure pal) 

OK, onto the kicker here; Raphael is a very alluring character, he can even come across as flirtatious at times (Also through his body language and I obvs can't demonstrate that here but u get it) Throughout the game he's saying how he'll wine and dine us if we give him what he wants, yet In the ending where we actually give him the crown, I think it's so telling that after all his promises of dining with him and getting to see him again if we deliver it, he literally doesn't follow through at all (There's a debate for this since we don't know if he might've once his plans were done) and this just proves what we were to him; that we were in fact just pawns to him. Even if he does invite us to dine with him, it'll most likely be with a purpose, that he wants something from us or for us to do something for him because otherwise he's gotten all we wanted from us, the facade has been lifted and he doesn't need to try charm or threaten us, he's effectively done with us (literally, since it is an ending). It's all just another aspect of his manipulation and Persona he uses against us (And I mean, It worked) We're all just a means to an end for him. 

ALSO, A little side thing I should note is the silly lil Dark humor Raphael has. Raphael, being a devil and all, definitely has a dark humor. You can defo gather that from his dialogue but also the way he comes up with creative punishments for his debtors. Now some of it is just basic evil shit like the guy who does the Self-flagellation stuff and the one who's forced to act like a dog, but some of it is more than that, like the guy who worships his chamber pot which just so happens to be under the statue of Mephistopheles or the debtor who's forced to dance (which I think is a reference to The Red Shoes story/movie where the character is literally forced to keep dancing) or the chick who just voyeuristically watches what goes down in the boudoir, like yea it's horrible but sometimes it just cartoonishly ridiculous and you can't help but find it somewhat amusing. 

"Hope [Laughter] such a tease" like when he says this, unbeknownst to us, he's referring to the real-life Hope, more of an inside joke to himself really. 

On top of all that - this specific paragraph isn't really poignant to Raphael's character necessarily, it's more of a personal observation but - I think if there were to ever be a romance with Raphael the best option is to not give him the crown (tho I do kinda wanna see him with his lil crown being the prince of hell). It's similar to Gortash, in that if you want to be his equal you shouldn't grovel and just give him the netherese shards, you need to challenge him and show your mettle basically. Now I'm not saying Raphael would be pleased with this, but if you wanted to be an equal, this is the best route, otherwise, there's always going to be that power imbalance like with ascended Astarion. (AKA, kill him, Do It) 

My final point that I wanna make is, that all the characters in Bg3 are designed with a fatal disbelief. Y'know Gale believes if he becomes a god he can prove himself to Mystra, Lae'zeel believes that  Vlaakith is righteous and will allow her to ascend, Shadowheart believes she can find herself/ her purpose in Shar, and Astarion believes he'll finally be safe if he becomes the vampire ascendant, yet we that these believes are all unfounded and end up being untrue wif they achieve them, and the same goes for Raphael. Now, if Raphael achieves his goal of getting the crown, he most likely will still end up not getting what he wants, for two reasons; Asmodeus literally cannot be defeated - Let me explain; So there are a few origins for Asmodeus and to most popularized one (and the one I prefer) is the one where he and some of the other archdevils were actually previously angels that got corrupted while fighting demons. 

Yet, in earlier editions, it's stated that all of that is just speculation and mythos surrounding Asmodeus and his real origin is that he is literally a cosmic force that was there at the beginning of time. OK. Now personally I don't care for this origin but either way, whichever one you believe I think my next point still stands the same. Whether Asmodeus is just a being that has achieved something as close to godhood as he can or a literal cosmic force of lawful evil, Raphael probably would still be unable to defeat him even with the Crown and scepter and any other of Karsus's little items, he most likely if anything could only get to the eighth layer. Now in saying this, this is still not his disbelief, because his personal belief is also one that all devils share, which is a complete lie, that being the entire hierarchy they abide by. Every devil abides by this meritocracy hierarchy, and the belief that if they become more powerful, and ascend - that they can reach Asmodeus status, but this is a complete an utter lie. Asmodeus keeps this facade that he could be defeated, but in truth, he's kinda way too powerful for any of the devils in hell, and he knows this and uses it as a tactic to keep them in his control.  

Now Raphael to some extent knows that he has to basically cheat to be even able to ascend, since he's a cambion and the hells system wasn't exactly designed for him to be promoted. Yet even if he manages to conquer every layer up to Cania, he's still going to lose since he's basically destroying the hierarchy and therefore he won't have control over the devils beneath him. Now the crown can be used to literally dominate people but that's not what Raphael necessarily wants - He wants to be adored and willingly followed, and of course, he'll use the crown when he has to, but to wholly subjugate everyone in hell to mindlessly obey doesn't seem to be his goal. There are more practical reasons as well why there are certain devils that have control over the layers, and Raphael, no matter what power he can possess, is still just one individual, and inevitably it seems as though there would be a lot of chaos rather the perfect order he believes he can achieve. 

I know that the crown can basically make you a god, and if Asmodeus has powers akin to a god and Raphael can theoretically do the same, then why can't he just defeat Asmodeus? well, it goes into Raphael's fatal flaw, his arrogance. If we look at Gale, for example, he made himself a literal god and still wasn't powerful enough to defeat Mystra, and yes, Raphael 'Is no mortal' but this is what I mean, he believes is above Karsus and Gale, that he'll succeed where they failed but that's just not the case. Like I've said before, Raphael desperately wants to be seen as more, his ego won't let him accept anything less but that still doesn't change the fact that he is fallible, and we don't have to look any further than when we managed to defeat him. Now in saying all this, this is all theoretical and kind of bleeds more into an opinion, since we don't know what plays out after he gets Avernus, perhaps the other archdevils managed to kill him before he achieved anything, or perhaps he really did manage to conquer Baator and the other realms, Who knows. (I might be cooked for saying this, especially since I do wanna see him be a lil prince of hell, but arguably giving him the crown, besides being our bad ending, is also his bad ending - No further explanation) 

Like I know I said, this is what I’ve boggled it down to and well, it’s not very boggled, but that’s what I mean! There’s so much going on with this little guy, it’s almost hard to keep up with, you gotta write him as suave and mysterious but also somewhat threatening and intimidating, he has to be articulate and persuasive as well as theatrical, while also keeping in mind his manipulative and narcissistic/egotistical tendencies, which doesn’t come easy to write for. 

This isn’t a slight by any means either, he’s a complicated character and that’s why I like him, but my sorry ass struggles to replicate it 🥲 though I hope this post will be a good reference to circle back to when writing for him. 

[petercaths]

Jack and Kate first meeting rant:

Idek where to start with this, so it’ll be very rambly. Actually, I’ll do bullet points that seems easier.

• I saw a post a few weeks ago that attempted to bash Jate’s first meeting by presenting how Jate is entirely self-serving to Jack’s characterization (which I disagree with, both the purpose of the first meeting, and Jate only being there to serve Jack).

• I think Jate’s first meeting is a nutshell of what these two characters do for each other; Kate is a source of trust for Jack, perhaps the biggest he has. The fact that he’s able to give her this story in the first place is so monumental for who he is as a character. Especially as we see the flashbacks unfold. But in this moment, Jack NEEDS someone to stick by him, someone to literally fix him in the way we see him ‘fixing’ others in the aftermath of the plane crash.

• He tells the story for himself, because he’s terrified. But he says it for Kate too. And here-in comes what Jack offers Kate, which is inspiration and a source of strength— probably the biggest source of strength she has on that island.

• I’d say for Kate, it really comes down to; once upon a time she fell from the sky, and a man asked her to help him. To fix him. To do something good. And she doesn’t think she can do it. I mean, Kate in that moment is disoriented and terrified, and she’s letting that fear take over her senses, and Jack sees that and so he tells her his story. He tells her it’s okay to be afraid, it’s okay to let yourself take a beat, but then you have to keep going.

• And you visibly see Kate take comfort in this, and you see her visceral change because not only is someone comforting her, they’re comforting her while she’s also doing something for them. After all the guilt she feels for the aftermath of what she’s done, she finally has a chance to do something that saves people.

• But, I think what’s even more interesting about the way this scene presents both characters, is that with Jack we see the breaking of a facade. I mean, his very first moment is him running into burning wrecked to help people, and presumably having everything under control. So, this moment kinda deconstructs what we were being shown 5 minutes ago. And again, there’s that talk about trust. In s3 Jack asks Kate to retell this story because it’s probably the most personal thing he’s ever told anyone. So the only way HE can trust that she’s safe, is to have her recite it to him.

• With Kate, it is the aftermath of the scene that best serves her character. She tells Jack “if that were me I would’ve run…” and he says “you’re not running now.” And whilst Kate may be a very good runner, it’s something that has brought nothing but misery to her life. She hates it. She wishes she didn’t have to do it. And in the aftermath of the crash, when Jack asks for her name, she has the opportunity to lie. She has the opportunity to re-invent herself. But she doesn’t take it, because the simple act of helping someone else— and having that someone believe in her— is enough to make her want to stop running. It’s a kindness she hasn’t been shown before, and she carries it with her for the rest of the series. When she’s with Jack, Kate doesn’t want to run.

• And then we have the visual storytelling for Kate. She goes to the cockpit with Jack, the bear attacks, and Kate runs away. But when she doesn’t see Jack, and realizes she’s lost him— she lets the fear in the way he taught her. And then she goes back for him. She goes back.

• And it’s through this that we start to learn the type of person Kate is. Someone who runs, maybe. But also someone who has the strength to not leave others behind, even when it would be better for her if she did (as we then see in 1x03 with the farmer).

Anyways that’s my Jate rant for today ✌️

[grunge-princess-nymph]

🩷 This is something I wanted to make this to another friend, @dearest-painter . She's seems to be a big fan of yandere, and she's also a big fan of both Lewis Legend & Mariska. I recommend you go look at her blogs as they are just as great as my other friends. 🩷

🩷💉 On The Nurse's Bed

Pairing: Yandere Lewis Legend x Starling!Fem!Nurse!Reader

Genre: Romance

Warning: Possessive Behavior, Major Character death

Fandom: Lollipop Chainsaw Repop

Summary: Hiding won't help you out when you're being hunted down by a zombie who knows all the right places.

Note: This is inspired by one of posts created by @dearest-painter . Her last post had ended with a cliffhanger and I wanted write what happens next. I also believe you wear the nurse outfit from the game, only that I had added some more details to it.

"Damn it, babe! When I get my hands on you, I'll show you why you dont try hiding from me!"

Those are the only words you remember before everything went down. Now, you were hiding under a desk keeping yourself from being noticed by the strongest & last member of the dark purveyors.

Sadly enough, Juliet had sacrifice herself to save you and Nick which ended up with her getting killed in the process to which adds up to two lifeless bodies, your lover & now your sister.

You were able to put Nick's head in a more secure and safe place inside a closet so he won't killed too. As much as he wanted to protest wanting to avenge his dead girlfriend, you knew you're sister would've wanted him to be save much more as you.

Unfortunately, it won't be too long before Lewis finds you and does god's know what to you.

Though, he's not your only concern. You were worried about the rest of your family and friends as well. Knowing full well that those other purveyors, including Swan, are after their darlings as well. And they will not be taking no for a answer.

Those could be one of the main reasons why the whole zombie apocalypse is happening in San Romero once again. If anything, you were really hoping that the rest of your family are still alive as well.

You heard the footsteps getting closer to your hiding spot as you kept your mouth close not wanting to make a peep. Your heart beating rapidly as you felt every pase as you were holding your breath. Looking down, you can see his shadow creeping across the tile floor crossing your path.

Suddenly, the footsteps stop as the shadow came into a halt causing you to tense up, worried it might be the end for you.

It been few minutes before the sound of the footsteps came back, but in a opposite direction from you, taking the shadow with it. Before you knew it, they came into a further distant as the steps became quieter as you heard the door slide close and they disappeared.

Relief washed over you as the feeling of the coast being cleared came into mind as you crawl out from your hiding place. The next thing that came to thought was your presumably deceased sister's boyfriend, Nick, who still in the closet just outside in the hallway.

Without even checking the room, you ran to the door only to find it locked from the inside. And before you can think of anything else...

"Did you really think you can hide from me for so long?"

....You had nearly jumped when you heard a hand slammed on the right side of the door right close next to your ear. You immediately spun around and you're eyes were met with two dead tired eyes as you found yourself pinned to the hard surface.

Lewis smirk down at your pathetic attempts to puts some distance between you both as you started hitting his chest viciously. "Let go of me!" You exclaimed as you tried to fight him off with every might you have left.

He laughed. "Struggle all you want, I'm not letting you out of my sight again, babe!"

You immediately pulled out one of your arms swung at Lewis in attempt to slap him. However, he had caught it before the palm of your hand could make contact to his jaw and held them in strong grip. "Feisty little whore, I love that!"

Before you knew it, your back was off the door and onto the hospital bed with your feet still on the floor as Lewis held both your wrists above your head keeping you in place.

You had wanted to scream, curse, or just called him any offensive names you can think of. But before you could, you instantly became silent with something pressing against your lips....

His lips....

You frozed.

Your face was suddenly flustered as you blushed into a light shade of red and you immediately shut your eyes closed.

It was your first kiss. Your very first kiss. And the biggest part of it is, you never had kiss your lover, even when you had started dating. Which means, the zombie of rock n roll just stole it, single handily.

Just as you were about to give in to it, it ended.

And not long after, the buttons on the top of your white dress were suddenly being unbuttoned, barely revealing your bra that fits perfectly and tightly to your bare breast.

You knew what was about to happen, and you were unsure if you should fight him off or just let him be in charge and enjoy the pleasure.

With your eyes still close, you merely gasped as Lewis lips were now at your collarbone, only this time, you can also feeling the tip of his tongue.

"I got a feeling when I start biting, you're gonna be begging for more..."

🩷💀 × Thanks for reading! × 💀🩷

[zenkindoflove]

ACOTAR OCs: Vanserra Brothers

This is apart of a series of posts where I share depictions and short bios of Original Characters I have developed in various fanfics. All art displayed was created using the Crowesn Tiefling Maker Picrew.

This is a deep dive into my depiction of the Vanserra Brothers. I've also included Eris and Lucien Vanserra because I couldn't make the other five brothers without making them too. They are listed oldest to youngest.

Eris Vanserra (not an OC): Oldest brother and presumed heir to Autumn, Eris has the weight of his family on his shoulders. He toes the line, holding his spot as heir by slipping under his father's thumb to protect his family and his mate, Alexius (male OC; see Autumn Partners), meticulously moving every chess piece across the board.

Conan Vanserra (deceased): As the second oldest, Conan was shaped by Beron's hand as the spare. Brutal and cut throat, Conan is Beron's strongest weapon, living in his image, and being twisted into a male who has little regard for others. After the murder of Jesminda (see Canon Characters) which Conan played executioner, he is killed by Lucien and Tamlin at the border of Spring.

Kian Vanserra: Kian leans more into being a scholar and courtier in Beron's court. His skills lie in his charm and ability to make friends anywhere he goes. However, his charm only goes so far, as his cunning ways sometimes gets him into hot water with those he double crosses in gambling halls. He's sarcastic and a thrill seeker, which includes taking risks with lovers that brings him to a place that not even his older brother Eris can save him.

Cael Vanserra (deceased): Fraternal twin with Rory, Cael is team Conan in the rivalry between the oldest brothers. Court citizens refer to him as Conan's henchmen, as Conan is the only one able to tame him. He is known for terrorizing small folk, especially on drunken tirades leaving taverns, and rumors swirl about his involvement in the bodies that appear around the Blood Tree that mysteriously end after his death at the border of Spring.

Rory Vanserra: Stoic and severe, Rory used to have a defined place in Conan's crew, but in his new reality where Eris rules them all, he feels caught between the living and the dead. He follows orders, inheriting the role as Beron's fist after his brothers' deaths. Living on the border of Autumn and Winter, Rory secretly visits Ada (female OC; see Autumn Partners), widow to Conan and now banished from Autumn.

Callum Vanserra: Decades younger than his brothers and the last son of Beron and Orla (see Canon Characters), Callum is "the useless one" in Beron's eyes. Callum devotes himself as Eris' right hand, eager to see his brother on the Autumn throne. Although Eris keeps him at arms length, Callum sees than his older brother realizes. When his arranged marriage to Lorna (female OC; see Autumn Partners) becomes more than a political match, his loyalties are tested.

Lucien Vanserra (not an OC): Banished from Autumn, the fateful night of Jesminda's death (see Canon Characters) haunts Lucien. He once loved the Autumn forests, as he called them his home escaping the horrors of The Forest House as the seventh and presumed bastard brother of his mother Orla (see Canon Characters). In his eyes, each of his living brothers were complicit in her death, but destiny has plans for Lucien that brings him back to Autumn centuries later, this time with his mate Elain Archeron.

Read fanfictions featuring these OCs on my Masterlist

Other OC Lists: Autumn Partners | Day Court | The Continent | Canon Characters

[neighbourhoodspidey]

talking in your sleep

w/c: 2k ish (i always forget to add word counts, my bad)

a/n: first time (technically second) that i’m writing for a non yj character. this is not a drill anymore and this time i will keep it posted instead of deleting it. I will divide this into two or three parts, depending on how it goes. the timeline takes place at season 3, so if you haven’t reached there yet or watched the show there might be some major spoiler elements. also, the title is named after talking in your sleep by talking heads. i thought it fit the vibe but i’m not too sure 😭  feedback is always welcome enjoy reading let’s goooo

also, at the time i have been posted this, it has been sitting in my google docs for a WHILEEEE it was time for me to drop it. this is not me just wanting to let it go, a second part will also be written! this is more of a build up before i can make things run wild

warnings: swearing, the characters as a whole but i did water it down and kept it purely implicit. still, if it smells and looks like a red flag turn the other way. cheating but in no way should this be condonable, ever. also gay. a few allusions to suggestive themes but nothing is said. although unlikely, minors dni. let me know if i missed anything!

it starts under the cut

She tried to look interested. Really, she did. But she couldn’t care less of Sherry’s new routine, or how she is planning on throwing a party with all the neighbours. While she unsurely murmured agreement, she went to kindly pack cookies to throw Sherry off, a failed plan. The woman in front of her just shook her head with a grimace.

“Lovey, you’re so adorable but that’s going to be a no for me. The party’s next week, bring your charming house husband if you can.”

Love barely has time to blink before she’s gone and she’s taking care of another client. That is what she gets for being courteous. Well, attempting should be the right word. She watches the woman wave to someone she presumes is her friend– who must probably be as insufferable as her– before breathing through her nose and carrying on with the rest of the customers. At breaktime, she texts Joe, asking him how his day is going. He replies shortly after, and she’d lie if she said the message didn’t make her day better at all. A grin breaks her face at the picture he sent, he’s cradling a sleepy Henry.

We miss you.

She can almost hear his voice, smooth and velvet, soothing any thoughts she can think of. She wishes the day would rush faster.

I’ll be back before you know it ;)

And she was. After small talk with customers, cleaning, closing up, she was here. With her family. She lets Henry sleepily hold her thumb, while talking about her day to Joe, who nods and listens, and offers his input when needed. He wasn’t much of a talker but a listener…but he was what she needed. Her other half. Her balance. She hates to get saccharine and does not want to be one of those cliché couples but she is certain that they are perfect for each other. Even better than Sherry and Cary who just seems to be a cover of a Vogue magazine more than anything else.

“There is no way we’re going to that event of hers. We’d probably be bored to death by the time we’re at her fence.”

“She’s…definitely a character.”

“Is that your way of saying she’s bitchy?”

She chuckles, her eyebrows furrowing. He turns the question in his head before smiling, nodding at Henry.

“Language. Besides, I wouldn’t want to call a woman that. Sherry’s just…well, she’s…Sherry. And her inviting you to a party after being disrespectful is, well, a Sherry thing to do.”

A pause at seeing Love’s raised eyebrow, an amused look breaking her face.

“Which says a lot.”

He completes, leaning over to press a gentle kiss on her forehead, worried he might have said something that she’d misinterpret. But she does not take it in any wrong way. She knows what he meant. And even then, she knows he’d always take her side. Just like she’d always take his.

“Do you want to go?”

“What? No way. Do you want to go?”

“No way.”

She looks at him carefully, assessing his every reaction. She knows Joe does not have any trouble refusing anything and he will softly be truthful if needed.

“You’re not saying that to make me happy, are you?”

“If someone’s making you uncomfortable then I don’t see why I would try to be in their circle.”

He kisses her nose, looking down at her lovingly. She looks up at him and cannot stop the smile from escaping her lips.

“Here, I’ll put Henry to bed then we can talk about all of Sherry's bi...snideness.” 

“No, no, let’s do it together. Every second of me being alone is me trying not to imagine me strangling her.”

“We wouldn’t want that to happen.”

“No, we wouldn’t.”

A tight lipped smile from him, and a nod, before he carefully gets up with a dozing Henry, with Love walking with them until they reach their son’s room. They tuck him in and both wish him goodnight, with Love staying a couple of minutes, hardly believing this is now her life. Their life.

Even with the feel of Joe’s lips on hers as he presses her on the couch, smell of the soap he uses, his calloused yet gentle hands on her hips, the remnants of coffee that he took-

Wait. 

Joe never drank coffee at this hour. Maybe he felt tired. After last year’s events, anyone would be. Right? And he did work considerably a lot, helping her with their new place, her workplace and of course, their child. And he didn’t have any friends nor did he need to visit anyone. So she didn’t question it. Not when he trails his kisses to her jaw, her neck, her shoulders, or not even after she sees how tightly his eyes are closed instead of being fluttered, like they usually always are.

After making all of today’s frustrations evaporate from her head, he cuddles her to his chest. The rhythm of his heartbeat, although still influenced by oxytocin, grounds her. She looks down at their intertwined fingers, a ring on each hand. Joe notices and kisses her again, this time gently and innocently.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m more than okay, Joe. I love you.”

And there’s nothing else he can say but the same. She presses kisses all over his face, his light stubble scratching her, laughing as he tickles her sides.

↠↠

Arguments and disagreements are bound to happen between a couple. But twistedly enough it’s healthy, depending on how it’s done. And the way Joe handled it, was definitely the opposite of the correct, supposed manner. He just stares with his hands in his pocket. If she knew any better, she’d say he’s just stalling to avoid this conversation. Henry is at his grandmother’s, and Love took an early day off, hoping that this peaceful afternoon weekend would mean being able to be with Joe for a couple of hours.

So why was he wearing a cap and backpack slung on his shoulder?

“It’s not that late for a jog, Love. Besides, the neighbourhood is safe and I can…”

A deep breath. 

“I can handle myself.”

Oh, she knows he can. But that’s not what she’s afraid thinking of.

“Bullshit.”

She rolls her eyes, dropping to the couch and crossing her arms. He sighed exasperatedly, dropping the bag with a bit more force, which caused her to quickly lift her eyes to his. She recognises that look. He looked at her the same way when he admitted his real name. When he was in that box. When she told him she was pregnant.

Was it a look of regret, or desperation?

A long silence passes after this. She’s stewing, mulling over his words, his excuses. He is in jogging attire, yes, but since when did he exercise? Was it to get away from this new, routine life in a somewhat stuck up place? Or is it to impress someone?

“Are we going to talk?”

“I am talking.”

A minute cold, calculated minute passes without neither of them saying anything to each other.

“This…this isn’t going anywhere. Love, you have to believe me. There is no reason I’d be doing anything else. I told you I took up running two years ago before I met you, right?”

He moves closer to her, dropping down on his knees, trying to get her to meet his eyes. He hesitantly brings her hands to his chest.

“Love, I promise you.”

“Alright.”

A smile before she drops their hands, getting up from the couch and walking to their bedroom.

“Have fun on your jog, Joe. Don’t come home too late.”

He has this same look on his face. And she has no idea what to do about it. She brings one hand to his cheek before pulling him in for a rough kiss, one he reciprocates with. They pull apart breathlessly, and Love has to hold herself back from the juvenile idea of leaving a mark on his neck. 

“Go, before I make you lose out on your health goals.”

“You’re the one that kissed me.”

He raises an eyebrow, pecking her one last time before getting up.

“I’ll be back. Then you can have me all you want.”

With a wave, Joe leaves, taking the smile of his wife as a good sign. Well, it is a good sign. And it’s going to have to do for him. He’d just have to prove that he only ever sees, cares and loves her. As he always did. Meanwhile leaving a trail of fresh scented aftershave and lotion in the air.

Is it normal for people to wear perfume before exercising?

She’d asked her friends if they were here. Or Forty. They’d probably give her advice without sugarcoating, and Forty would add a sprinkle of humour, in his usual habit. So she resorts to search engines. She scrolls through various articles but ends up finding nothing conclusive. Grabbing the phone in a vain effort to not squeeze it and magically destroy it, she decides that getting cooped up with Joe on her mind won’t be of any service if she wants to make their time alone work. A walk might do. Maybe that’s why he left. She understands that sometimes people do need time apart to avoid driving themselves completely insane. She just hopes she won’t meet any pesky neighbours. If she has to listen to stories of their relatives knowing a celebrity, some failed diet or unwanted beauty advice, she would just nod, smile politely and wave.

But like always, she does not always get what she wants. A bubbly Sherry spots her from her garden. She plugs in her earphones and hopes she would be ignored, but Sherry waves and signals for her to come closer.

Damn it.

“Hi, Love! Finally deciding to get out of the house, huh? You do deserve some fresh air. The stress of handling a business and a family can’t be good for that skin.”

This bitch.

She grins, almost too brightly, biting back a snide remark for the sake of children playing behind her and shrugs. 

“Yeah, I almost want to go back home.”

An all too saccharine laugh escapes the woman’s lips, joined by a short one.

“You have a nice sense of humour. Basically Joe’s copy.” 

She nudges the brunette, who just clears her throat and steps back. 

“Thanks.”

Probably five seconds has passed, enough time for Love to come up with an excuse to leave–

“So, are you and your beau coming to the party?”

Oh, damn her.

“We’re thinking about it. Y’know we’ve been kind of adjusting to Madre Linda.”

“Aw, but what better way than to connect with us. I swear, you’ll have fun.”

Love scoffs and loses her nerves to drop a mocking remark before Sherry runs back to her children, guiding them away from the flowers.

“I see that you’re busy so I’ll let you be.”

“No, it’s no big deal-”

“Bye, Sherry.”

↠↠

She walks around the park, sitting down on the bench and looks at her surroundings. A couple sitting side by side on a towel, a bird seeming to build a nest up on one of the trees, and a person who’s jogging. 

It almost makes her laugh, as if it’s the universe’s cruel intentions to remind her of her not-exactly-argument with Joe.The jogger stops for breath, checking her watch and smiles victoriously. She then stretches, oblivious to Love’s staring. It would be funny if Joe would be right there appearing at her side.

As she stares ahead brazenly, the woman notices her calculated gaze. Love drops her eyes the minute she feels the stranger’s eyes on hers next, pretending to go back to her book splayed on her lap.

She waits a couple of minutes for the woman to disappear, and almost wants to cry with how crazy Joe is making her. To think that anyone here could be with him, right now.

She misses how you smiled confusedly and went on back to your jog.

↠↠

Many hours later she comes back home after getting a text from Joe. He’s on the couch with a book in his hand with new clothes. She doesn’t even waste time speaking before she drops herself next to him and allows herself to be pulled closer. This.This is what she wants. Not constantly fearing him finding someone better than her even after what she did to bring this family together, or having to pay close attention to anyone who might be too close for it to be considered just “friendly”. They engage in conversation afterwards, with Joe helping Love with dinner and him looking at her whenever she’d speak. She also knows that look. The look of complete devotion, the physical manifestation of his vows. Those same eyes that she sometimes sees herself in. His entirety, him, makes her believe that they have a chance, a chance they can’t waste. He does everything to prove it. And waking up in the early morning with their bodies tangled was proof enough.

[nausikaaa]

Six Sentence Sunday

thanks for tagging me @that-disabled-princess @roomwithanopenfire and @artsyunderstudy! i made a pedantic post about the ides of march last year so now my notifications are flooded and i almost missed the tags! people are always surprised, based on my novel, that my actual favourite historical period was the early Roman empire. i'm obsessed with the Julio-Claudians.

i'm still sick, fml, but i got a small flash of inspiration last night and grabbed it by the horns, and managed to wrangle about 4000 words out of it!

here's some Polyxena, with context, under the cut. and lamb photos.

if you don't know, Polyxena was the youngest daughter of Priam and Hecabe, the king and queen of Troy. Achilles fell in love with her (or just wanted to assault her, depending on the telling), so she made sure she was seen entering a temple, and he followed. when he entered, guard down, Paris shot him in the heel, killing him.

after Troy fell, Achilles's ghost demanded that she be sacrificed to him to be his wife in the underworld. despite the fact that he already had a) a living wife, Deidamia, b) another sacrificed child bride, Iphigenia, and c) a war bride, Briseis. greedy git.

interestingly, the person to most strongly oppose this sacrifice was Agamemnon, who most people regard as being the Absolute Worst. maybe having been strongarmed into sacrificing his own daughter (the previously mentioned Iphigenia), he didn't want another parent to suffer the same? it's a surprisingly sympathetic moment for a usually very unsympathetic character.

Polyxena leaned in and kissed her mother's cheek, then stood. She smoothed her dress, ran her fingers through her hair, and stepped forward, the picture of bravery.

Days ago she was a mere child, crying at having witnessed Achilles die. Now she stood like a woman, ready to face her own death, to walk down to Hades and meet the warrior again. Her veil was already charred, her marital bed was a pyre. I did not think she would play the role of meek and obedient wife that Achilles hoped for.

Polyxena went nobly to her sacrifice, saying she preferred death to slavery. here's a short story i love about one possibility of her afterlife.

however, her mother Hecabe (more commonly called Hecuba but that is the roman name, i don't use it) went somewhat mad with grief. after also discovering that her youngest son Polydorus, who had been sent away to his sister's husband's kingdom where he would presumably be safe, had also been killed, she gouged out the eyes of said husband who killed him, and murdered his own two sons (with a different woman so not her grandkids at least) so he would understand what she felt.

later, the gods got sick of hearing her curse her fate and transformed her into a dog. in some accounts Odysseus then killed her (this is the version i go with, my Odysseus is the worst to counteract the apologism i keep seeing for him lmao), but in others she was adopted by Hecate, the goddess of witchcraft (i do also like this one... maybe she swoops in and rescues her at the last second?), and in yet another she travelled with Pyrrhus and Helenus, and when she died of old age was buried at a place known as Bitch's Tomb. because she was a female dog, not because... okay well a bit to be honest, but she went through a lot. i support her.

anyway. lamb blast! we currently have 19 lambs to 9 ewes, so an over 200% success rate, with 7 left to go. most of them are now outside enjoying the less than ideal british weather. i posted a cute video of them here too.

and bonus Lucy, who refuses to indicate to me whether she is even pregnant at all after coming back around in season FOUR TIMES. i suppose i'll found out in June. it was supposed to be may, but there's no scheduling around goats.

tagging @forabeatofadrum @cutestkilla @run-for-chamo-miles @prettygoododds @bookish-bogwitch @youarenevertooold @noblecorgi @orange-peony @larkral @confused-bi-queer @aristocratic-otter @thewholelemon @alexalexinii @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @martsonmars @meanjeansjeans @leithillustration @j-trow-95 @blackberrysummerblog @monbons and @bookishbroadwayandblind