#keejax

[shinzoo69]

[onlyroach]

this has been in the drafts until today 🗣🔥‼️‼️

[snookkit2]

[gunnrblze]

Till Death, pt 1

Keegan x Ajax series! This was supposed to be lighthearted and funny tbh but as always, I had to insert decades long yearning and desire and longing, silly me smh. I apologize if any of it’s confusing, I’m not very good with writing scenes of only two people with the same pronouns, so the use of he/him may get a little mistakable with who exactly I’m referring to. Also the writing is just kinda all over the place lol enjoy that.

༄ 1500k+ words, mild mention of dick and ass but no smut (yet?), so mdni idc, yearning in the full definition of the word, sap fest fr

Mornings always came a little dreadfully at first on base. Pushing through the initial exhaustion from the day before was never easy. Especially knowing you’d be doing the same menial tasks all over again.

Something made it a little easier whenever Keegan caught wind of Alex, though.

Alex moved like a body of water, somehow smoother and more fluid than the rest of the clunking boots around them. Keegan knew it was a slippery slope whenever he admired his smile for a bit too long, or the way he felt his heart catch whenever Alex slung his arm around his shoulders.

He knew their erotic jokes didn’t mean much. It was all in good fun, anyway. Hell, all the guys made jokes like that with one another. It didn’t mean anything, unless it did. But Keegan knew it didn’t.

Didn’t. Unless maybe Alex felt it too. Felt his pulse quicken or his pants get tighter around his crotch whenever he saw Keegan crack a rare little grin, or catch him shirtless in the showers after training.

Maybe that was just the thing about the military. You could joke here and slap an ass there with your fellow men, but the second you started dreaming about your lips against his or your cock anywhere but your own pants or fist, it was different.

Keegan didn’t mind too much, though. He didn’t have time to mind. From the moment he woke up above Alex in the barracks every morning, to the moment he fell asleep in the same spot every night, he was busy with everything else that went on.

So if he had to pretend the sound of Alex snoring wasn’t imprinted into his mind already, then so be it. He could push past the fact that Alex was near him practically all day. Slept below him and trained with him, ate with him, worked with him, goofed off with him like idiots. He’d ignore that he could identify the broad man by his scent alone.

And Alex would simply do the same. He would allow himself only a few minutes a day to really think about those deep blue eyes that followed him. To really think about how his own eyes would trace over the bottom of the bunk above him at night, trying to map out the lines of where he imagined Keegan’s body rested on top.

The setup was okay. They were both avoidant enough to ignore the lingering glances and touches. Morning trainings came and went, mealtimes and meetings and daily work flashed by like the hands on a clock.

And they pretended. Pretended that seeing the other hurt in the field or taking on enemies too great a size didn’t tear at their heartstrings when it was all said and done.

This wasn’t a job that allowed attachment. It was too fast moving. Everyday was the same on base, but things moved too quickly to really claim a stake anywhere.

Except Keegan and Alex seemed to follow one another, whether intentionally or not. From basic recruit training to joining Task Force Stalker and becoming Ghosts together, where one man went the other followed.

Just how they liked it.

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“Ajax, rise and shine, pretty boy” Keegan’s grumbly voice would stir the large man in his bunk, tossing over and rubbing the few hours of sleep from his eyes.

“Again with the nickname?” Ajax’s tone was too riddled with exhaustion for Keegan to decipher his true level of annoyance, but he knew the man too well.

“You seemed to dislike ‘AJ’ so we’re just trying to freshen it up, sue me” he answered, giving the man a pat to the cheek and not even trying to hide his smirk before walking toward the door.

“Right, get outta here and make yourself useful, Russ” Ajax retorted with a gruff chuckle as he rose from his bed, stiff muscles and joints already aching. He’d been a marine so long he wasn’t sure if his body was cracking from the exertion, or if every guy in their mid 20s had the lower back pain comparable to an elderly mans.

A smirk adorned his face too though, despite himself. Keegan’s short huff of laughter wasn’t nearly as melodic as it always sounded to him, but it bounced off the hallway of the barracks and right into his eardrums nonetheless, worming its way into that warm, gooey part of his heart that he chose to keep shut up. For the greater good, of course.

Ajax didn’t ever seem to be too deterred by early mornings, despite his initial disdain upon opening his eyes and seeing even the slightest sliver of light. He could make the best out of what felt like the worst. Even PT at 0500 hours, wide smile lighting up the room in a way that had every other soldier wanting to slap it right off his pretty face. His charm felt like a hand around Keegan’s throat, squeezing and squeezing and threatening to cut off his air supply, lest he shut it down before he gets comfortable with the idea of not breathing.

It was like that everyday. Keegan would watch him both up close and from afar, opting to observe everything instead of speak like the other man tended to, apparently. He wouldn’t typically favor being surrounded by a guy who couldn’t seem to shut up, but when it was Ajax’s deep voice that bass lined the walls of the armory while he was cleaning his M40, well, how could one dare complain?

Ajax was too tactful not to notice Keegan’s staring, of course. He wasn’t stupid, too perceptive not to see the way the man’s eyes raked over him, all of him. Deep blues combing over every inch of his being as if he were noticing the man for the first time. It was something he’d done from the days they’d met in basic training.

Keegan’s silent once overs used to deter Ajax from wanting to get to know the man better, assuming he had to have some kind of unspoken issue with him. But Ajax quickly found that Keegan’s voice just didn’t seem to come naturally to the man, maybe it was better for him to look than speak? It didn’t quite explain why he had to look at him like that, he was just thankful that the hot blush was masked on his dark cheeks whenever Keegan’s eyes not so inconspicuously studied the way his uniform stretched around his biceps, or the way the water rolled off his ass in the shower.

It was almost so blatant at times that Ajax felt as if he knew the man had something more going on in his mind. But he didn’t indulge himself in the idea. The idea that these lingering glances meant anything other than Keegan’s keen perception subtly making itself known. The near brooding man looked that same way at everything. From his rifle to his superiors teachings to the landscapes during recon missions, Keegan took in all the details that he could.

But it didn’t stop Ajax from feeling like it was something special. Something that made his heart clench and mind go fuzzy for half a second because Keegan was watching him. He could look at the other privates, watch his back wherever he went as if some pre-installed hyper vigilance riddled his system, but he was observing Ajax.

Keegan’s approach of looking but not speaking seemed to mirror that of Ajax’s. He could talk to Keegan all he wanted, but if he really found himself staring the way his eyes begged for permission to, he’d get lost in the man. His eyes so deep and blue that Ajax didn’t even care how cheesy it felt to compare them to the Pacific.

Mealtimes felt like a reprieve from the rough routine they endured everyday, and Keegan found himself relishing even in the manner Ajax ate in. It wasn’t ever too long before his eyes found their way back to the dark brown ones that would sit across from him. Was he jealous when Ajax would wrap an arm around the waist of the soldier next to them? Joking and laughing in a way that he only wished he could reciprocate? No, he wagered. He just didn’t like Private Brooks and that stupid horse laugh of his, that’s all.

“Gonna eat that, Keeg? You know I’ll take it” Ajax would toss a joking wink to Keegan when his fork shuffled around the mush of peas on his tray. He felt like a damned schoolboy again, swapping lunch trays with his friend whenever he didn’t like part of his meal. But the smile Ajax gave him seemed to make the noise in his head disappear if only for a moment, pearly teeth contrasting against velvety dark skin.

Keegan’s heart thrummed as he walked across base to work, boots clanking on the pavement in time with the muscle that threatened to explode from behind his ribcage if he thought about that damned smile for any longer.

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[alidravana]

100 Word Drabble

Decided to try @deadbranch's 100 word drabble for today, and apologies, cause of course the angst came out...

The ground trembled, causing Keegan to jerk upright to find himself in bed, the sheets pooled low on his hips, a warm body beside him. “You okay, Keegan?” Logan murmured, a hand reaching back in a half-hearted, yet still sleep-filled attempt to comfort his partner.     “Yeah, sorry,” Keegan mumbled, laying back down in the bed as he tried to banish the memories from his mind; of cities crumbling, the screams, and his own horror of the ground breaking directly under his feet, Ajax grabbing his hand, saving him from falling to his death.   But his heart wouldn’t let him rest.  

[me-is-confused]

Thought:

Keegan and Ajax marry and Keegan desperately wants someone to give him away, but he doesn't exactly have family outside the team. So he asks Elias, cause next to Rorke (who for the sake of this has already vanished) he was the only father he had.

Elias would cry after, when he's alone, about it, that Keegan bestowed him with the honour. Also maybe because he knows that he ain't get to do this for the two boys, either cause they know they won't marry or because they would wait for their spouse or walk together with them

[callofdooty]

Somehow I Feel Hopeful

Also posted onto AO3

Fandom: Call Of Duty: Ghosts

Summary: Written for Whumpril Day 11:Nightmares | Bedside Vigil | "I'm right here."

"Despite the pain tearing him apart, both inside and out, he held onto his confused anger, his disbelief. Rorke, who held himself so high, was now something he'd once hated. Was it too far to call him a hypocrite? Clearly, they'd done something to him, morphed him into a monster (the one he was always capable of becoming) but Ajax couldn't help but feel angered by it. Betrayed. They trusted him. Believed in him.

And they left him to die.

No. They looked for him for weeks. They'd searched high and low for him. Elias would have turned the whole world upside down looking for him, and Ajax would have followed suit.

But they didn't. Rorke (and his own mind) reminded him coldly. And so, there he was. Holding onto threads of hope. Hope that his team - his family - knew where he was. Hope that they'd get there in time."

OR: Ajax survives the events of Struck Down; he and Keegan find comfort in each other.

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Alex V. "Ajax" Johnson/Keegan P. Russ

Warning/labels: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Vaguest allusions to torture, talk of death/dying

-

He barely made it. 

If they’d gotten there an hour, a minute, a second later–

But they didn’t. He reminded himself. They’d gotten there in time. Ajax was here. Ajax was alive. And Keegan had been driven up the wall with every agonising moment he wasn’t by his side. Just knowing wasn’t enough. He needed to hold Ajax’s hand in his, needed to see Ajax alive and awake and not seconds away from dying - he wanted to see anything other than that.. Dreadfully resigned look he’d had back at the stadium. 

That… That’s a sight Keegan knew he wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. It’s already been the subject of many nightmares. Well. As many as you could get when your idea of “resting” was intermittent naps between busy work and fretting endlessly over the well being of another. 

Now that he was here, hunched over in an uncomfortable chair, he’s started to realise just how exhausted he is. It always seems easy to just keep going - burning the candle at both ends - when you’re kept so occupied. But after sitting there, doing nothing but waiting… The Nothing started to feel less like nothing, becoming a weight that fell and pressed onto his head and shoulders, draping over him like the world’s shittiest weighted blanket. 

He can’t stay awake forever, though. And waiting until Ajax finally woke up was a gamble. So he rubbed his hands across his face with a sigh before leaning back into the (still uncomfortable) chair, arms folded across his chest. It wasn’t so much being lulled to sleep as being dropped off of a canyon into it. He was out like a light before he could even realise. 

It was a welcome surprise that he wasn't plagued by vivid, morbid visions this time around. At least, not any that he could recall. When he came back around sometime later, he wondered briefly whether it was a lucky break, or he’d become desensitised to them already. How long he was out was any guess. Maybe an hour, maybe twelve. No part of him seemed any less exhausted and weighed down. 

The lingering grogginess threatened to pull him back to sleep. He's not exactly sure what drew him awake, or at least he wasn't in the moment. But then, his attention was drawn quickly to Ajax, who twitched, flinched. Almost immediately, it was followed by unsteady, panicked breaths that pulled Keegan right out of his chair to stand at Ajax’s bedside, mind already whirring with worry. 

Ajax's mutters were hardly coherent, barely understandable, but it doesn’t take a genius to know what - who - Ajax was muttering about.

Before Keegan could do much else, Ajax shot awake with a small gasp and Keegan was quick to carefully push him back down, holding his shoulder to keep him from moving too fast; from hurting himself. The muttering continued, with Ajax continuing to plead with someone that wasn’t there (anymore.) A rush of anger attempted to choke Keegan right then and there, but he swallowed it back, pacifying it with concern and love rather than the seething hatred collecting in his chest like smog. His touch remained gentle despite the internal struggle. 

Ajax. Focus on Ajax.

“Shh… Shh, Ajax, it’s okay.” With his free hand, he gently cupped Ajax’s face, lightly running his thumb over his cheekbone. The broken pleas stopped, but the panicked heaving didn’t ease up just yet. It’s hard to watch. Hard to stomach. Ajax shouldn’t be going through this. He doesn’t fucking deserve this shit. All Keegan can do is hope his efforts are enough. “I'm right here, sunshine. You’re okay. You’re safe.”

“Keegan…?” Ajax’s eyes  finally opened, watery and red and tired. The sight of Keegan seemed to be a relief, if the tension that melted off of him was any indication. Wasting no time, he reached up and pulled Keegan in, the both of them instantly wrapping their arms around each other. 

“It’s alright. I’ve got you. Noone’s gonna hurt you here.” Keegan rumbled, holding Ajax as close as possible, as protectively as possible. Whether it was the words, the touch or the sight; Ajax's panic receded, slinking away to hide and wait out for another time to strike. It wasn’t a fix-all, but neither expected it to be. The momentary reprieve was enough, at least for now. After the shit they’ve gone through…

“Keegan…” Ajax whispered again, voice hoarse and barely anything above a whisper, “I… It’s…” A pause. The words escaped him, too heavy to hold onto. His brows furrowed for a moment. He tried again. “It was him…” 

Rorke. The enraged beast inside Keegan’s chest yowled, clawing at his lungs, his heart, the prison bars of his ribcage. It was a wonder how he kept it at bay; a hitched breath being the only thing to show for its frenzied efforts. Placated with future bloodshed and justice, the fleeting rampage stopped and he refocused, waiting for Ajax to continue at his own pace.

“I- H-He…” A shudder, “He’s not… He’s not the same…” As Ajax spoke, he seemed to struggle with himself, teetering on the edge of despair. Whatever they did to him, Keegan doesn't even want to imagine. To have Ajax, of all people, in this state... Ajax, who sees the light in any situation, Ajax who's always fighting back... “They did something. They changed him… He…” A spark flashed in Ajax’s eyes, and the panic rapidly returned, tears falling as his words fell apart again. “F-Fuck, Keegan, I-He-... I told him… I-I told h-him– I’m s-so sorry…” 

Fear lurched inside Keegan’s gut. As much as he didn’t want to admit, those words were nothing short of terrifying. The more the Federation knew, the more fucked their chances became. And now with Rorke on their side...

No. Not right now. No panicking. There's still time.

“Hey, easy sunshine. You did your best. It could’ve been any of us.” At least, any of the original Ghosts. Even hearing the name - the desperate, choked out warning Ajax had given at the stadium - had him feeling like he’d been submerged in Arctic waters. His blood froze - the world froze - in an instant. He could only imagine what it was like to experience it first hand. Alone. He’s pretty sure even Merrick wouldn’t have been able to walk away from that bombshell unscathed. "We'll figure it out, alright? Like we always do. We can talk about it when you're doing better." 

As Keegan spoke, he resumed the small, soothing movements of his thumb from earlier, wiping away the tears that fell into its path. And Ajax looked up at him with a look so broken yet so filled with trust and love and hope. A look that simultaneously broke his heart and put it back together again. A mix of adoration and relief - sweet, sweet relief - surged through him, and he gently pressed a kiss to Ajax’s forehead; an action that proved comforting to the both of them. In the fragile, quiet moment, they looked one another in the eyes, wordlessly communicating as much. The love there was less like a feeling; more like an indisputable fact. Logic. Common sense. Not in a way that felt mandatory or forced, but in a way that felt… natural. Like breathing. Grass is green, the sky is blue, Ajax and Keegan love each other; more than words could ever truly describe. “Get some rest, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

Ajax was hesitant, and Keegan couldn’t blame him one bit for it. After going through all of that - torn down and hurt by someone once thought to be safe, someone held in such high regard - it’s only natural the idea of sleeping would be off-putting. He looked like he had so much to say, but each passing moment only seemed to drain him further. Struggling against his eyes that were closing against his own will, he gave a weak tug to Keegan's shirt.

"Lay with me, please?" He muttered quietly, hopefully. And who could decline such a thing? It was a tight fit, and a delicate dance around all of Ajax's injuries, but they made it work, carefully slotting together in the way they always did. Ajax buried his head into Keegan's chest, shakily sighing. "Never been so... scared before..." The confession is hushed and fragile.

...

And, above all, it's enitrely, terribly honest.

Nothing could quite compare in Ajax's mind. Even the memory of Sand Viper didn't feel as foreboding as this. Getting caught was one thing, it already had his nerves going. But getting dragged out there, surrounded by the enemy, only to come face-to-face with the man he once considered an ally? Not just that. He'd been a guide, a leader, a protector. A man that fought with righteous fury over his teammates getting hurt, now looking down at him with that brutal, seething hatred. A hatred he only ever directed at his enemies. A hatred that very few survived the receiving end of. 

'You look like you've seen a Ghost.'

His blood ran cold. Anxiety and genuine fear dropped in his chest, several tonnes constricting his lungs, making his heart skip. But in the face of his world being flipped, in the face of a nightmare, Ajax pushed back. He had to. He held himself strong, defiant, all traces of fear shoved deep down in favour of something stronger. 

And a prideful part of him wants to say that it lasted quite a while. Despite the pain tearing him apart, both inside and out, he held onto his confused anger, his disbelief. Rorke, who held himself so high, was now something he'd once hated. Was it too far to call him a hypocrite? Clearly, they'd done something to him, morphed him into a monster (the one he was always capable of becoming) but Ajax couldn't help but feel angered by it. Betrayed. They trusted him. Believed in him. 

And they left him to die.

No. They looked for him for weeks. They'd searched high and low for him. Elias would have turned the whole world upside down looking for him, and Ajax would have followed suit. 

But they didn't. Rorke (and his own mind) reminded him coldly. And so, there he was. Holding onto threads of hope. Hope that his team - his family - knew where he was. Hope that they'd get there in time.

Rorke probably felt the same way all those years ago. But that didn't matter anymore. 

With time, the threads broke. The pain was too much. The information was bare bones but enough, forced out of him at his breaking point, and the second it was, he was cast aside. Left to die in a room tinted red, his hazy thoughts wandered to Grim and Torch, their faces crossed out on the far wall. A sinking feeling hit him. Had this been their fate too? Were they just as scared as he was? Trapped, knowing so much but unable to do anything except lie there and tremble, nerves set alight by an unending agony, not all of which was physical.

This is it. I'm going to die here. He'd thought to himself.

Terrifying that he became so resigned to the idea.

"Ajax!" The call had brought him back a little. It seemed distant at first, but then Keegan had been there, pulling Ajax up and into him immediately after. Amongst the overwhelming, foreboding sense of doom, he was comforting presence, and even now, Ajax knows that if there was any place in the world he'd want to die, it would be in Keegan's arms.

Is such a thought selfish? Maybe it is, but Ajax is only human. 

The sight of Keegan and Merrick gave him one last valiant rush. With a newfound desperation, he tried to warn them. Rorke is behind it all, Rorke was hunting them all down, Rorke knew too much, too much and it was all his fault and--

"Ajax...!" he was pulled from the memory by Keegan's soft yet urgent voice. He's still shaking. He's still in pain. But the looming sense of dying ebbed away as he, once again, grounded himself, holding on tightly to Keegan's clothing. The front of Keegan's shirt had been soaked by tears, and it took a minute to register that they were his. Far too lost in his memories - dreams? - that he hadn't even noticed the next wave of sobs tearing through him. Keegan pulled him closer, muttering more assurances that Ajax melted into, exhausted and shaking.

A dull sense of frustration trickled creeped up inside him as well. He hated feeling like this, hated feeling so fragile. Shattered into pieces that barely even reflected everything he thought himself to be, everything he aspired to be. Everything that he was. He's been through many horrors, unknowable horrors that noone should ever have to witness, and yet this is the thing that tears him down the most. The thing that renders him to ashes, and it was someone he thought could never hurt him.

Fuck.

He could feel himself spiralling again, so instead he held onto Keegan tighter, trying his best to banish the thoughts that plaguing his mind, latching onto the last scraps of positivity he had.

Alive. Safe. Here. With Keegan. 

Here. Alive. 

Another chance. A fighting chance. 

They'll figure it out, like they always do.

He can't do much else in the moment, other than bury his face into Keegan's chest and take comfort in the contact (contact that he thought he'd never have again.) So that's exactly what he does. He lets himself have the comfort.

"We're gonna be okay..." he feels the statement more than he hears it.

"Everything's always okay when you're around." He replied sleepily. Keegan huffed.

"I'll do my best to live up to that." A promise. One that neither of them were sure they could fulfill, but would try their best to nonetheless.

"Already are." A few moments passed, and Ajax settled down once more to sleep. The ache of his body was getting to him, but before he dropped off, he muttered one more declaration, yet another thing he thought he'd never be able to do again. "... I love you."

"I love you." Keegan whispered back, tracing soothing patterns across his back, "Love you more than anything else in this world. 'nd we're gonna make it that son of a bitch's problem as soon as we can."

"'s that you asking me on a date?" Not the response he'd been expecting, judging by the way he laughed.

"Yeah... Yeah, I guess it is."

"Good... Looking forward to it..."

"Get some rest, Sunshine."

Yeah. Pain. Aching. In the comfort of Keegan's arms, Ajax finally lets himself rest again.

[scrungly-loganwalker]

He sleepin like the dead

shhh let bro sleep.

[loganwalkerz]

Tw: 🔞NSFW keeJax 🔞

Ajax who wanks to photos of Keegan in lingerie because what sorta guy wouldn't wank to his best mate lookin so fine?

Keegan knows that's why he sends them to Ajax before anyone else. That's if he will share it with anyone else. He likes the attention Ajax gives him and usually likes ONLY Ajax's attention. He promises he isn't possessive or anything but he wants Ajax's eyes on himself and himself alone okay!!

Along with the praise. Ajax, who can't help but comment how pretty Keegan is and how the lace really suits him Keegan knows its true, he's fucking hot but it's so much better hearing it from Ajax.

The praise coming from merrick would've been less of a turn-on than hearing Ajax gentle him clearly aroused by the sight of Keegan in some pink lace on his knees in front of Ajax who's cupping Keegans cheeks telling him how good he looks and how Ajax just knows he feels as good as he looks.

But they swear it's not gay or anything, just dudes being dudes. Bros being bros. Trust.

[artdrawsok]

Tagged by the lovely Callofdooty, thanks for it!

3 Ships You Like: HMMM. Kick x Hesh (what are these two called?), Zosan, and Keegan x Logan ( aka: Walruss).

Honourable Mentions: Keejax (COD: Ghosts), Ghosthusbands (COD: Ghosts), and Frobin (One Piece).

First Ship Ever: I think it was either, Aaron x Aphmau or Garroth x Aphmau. (All from MCD aka: Minecraft Diaries).

Last Song You Heard: "Hell is Forever" It's a Hazbin Hotel song. It has the Beetlejuice guy in it.

Favourite Childhood Book: I have the memory of a spoon, I don't know what I read as a wee child.

Currently Reading: Many Fanfics. But also The Silence of The Girls by Pat Barker!

Currently Watching: A Philza VOD from February 7th.

Currently Consuming: Cold Water.

Currently Craving: Nothing really.

Tagging: @uniquetosmbody @tokillamockingbird427 UHHHH and anyone else who wants to participate! :D

[gunnrblze]

“I just think it'd be worse” I love that we’re actively trying to make it worse for them😭

Hey fun fact so like snipers typically come in pairs with the more experienced/trained sniper being the one to look through the lil telescope thing giving advice to the shooter with the actual rifle. You can see this in action during MW when Price has that flashback to him and Mac in Pripyat, where Mac is giving Price advice on wind speed and such. (Mac is the spotter.)

All of this is to say I think Keegan and Ajax would be very neat if written as a sniper duo rather than Keegan being more lone-wolf as he's seen in the game. Specifically that Ajax is the rifleman and Keegan is the spotter. I just think it'd be worse to go from "Oh, his best friend just died." to "Oh, his best friend and literal other half to his way of operation just died." yk? Like make Ajax integral to how Keegan functions and then sweep him out from under him. Then you could go into how Keegan is out-of-sorts during the game trying to figure out how to function on his own or even if he can.

[gunnrblze]

Till death, pt 2

Back again with my questionably written homosexually repressed marine boys! Also this is set pre-Caracas so Rorke is Captain and still good guy lol. Like a quarter proof read? Idk it’s just vibes over here.

༄1550k+ words, SFW, more longing and sickly sweet yearning, just making them suffer atp. Mentions of blood/wounds.

“Keeg!? Keegan!?” Ajax’s voice echoed through Keegans eardrums, a cacophony of voices surrounding him. But only one sticking out enough to bring him back down to earth.

“You took a bullet, they’re gonna fix you, alright? Got medevac on the way, just hold on brother” Ajax would tactfully hide the panic in his voice, the torn cloth in his hand attempting to plug the bullet wound in Keegan’s gut, wine colored blood spilling onto the ground. It wasn’t the blue eyed man’s first injury, and it certainly wouldn’t be his last.

But something about it always made Ajax shiver a bit. Seeing the dazed look in the man’s eyes as he fought to stay conscious, the way they’d roll back and forth whenever Ajax would slap a hand to his cheek, trying to buy time until he passed out.

It wasn’t any better for Keegan, of course. They train a marine to take a bullet, a knife, just about anything you could think of. But below all that training, there was a natural fear response you simply couldn’t turn off, not when your life was flashing before your eyes and your head felt like it was being crushed beneath a steel toe boot. Something uniquely primal and mammalian laces itself between any rational thought.

How much of Ajax was Keegan imagining, and how much of it was the real him? Was it the real man that was holding the flat of his palm to Keegan’s stomach? The man that was pushing his mask up for him so he could breath a little easier, the man making him take breaths as deep as he could muster, doing everything he could to keep him alive while Merrick and Elias radioed in and out of his ear?

Keegan could hardly tell, what with the sounds of gunfire surrounding him, accompanied only second by the blood rushing in his ears, and third by the frantic sound of Ajax demanding extraction. His voice raw and almost angry, how dare Keegan get hurt in a dangerous situation that the man himself signed up for? The physically injured aren’t the only ones that think irrationally, perhaps.

“C’mon man, you’re gonna be alright, just stay awake, you hear me?” Keegan definitely heard his words, but comprehension was another story. The blood drained from his wound and he could feel his life slipping with it too. His very essence coating his uniform and the gravel below, coloring Ajax’s hands crimson.

Ajax was too composed to actually freak out. Too professional, too well trained, and too competent. He was prepared for this. Part of his job, just as taking a life was, included knowing how to keep one intact. If he ever doubted himself, he’d falter.

So he didn’t. He didn’t doubt that the pressure he applied to Keegan’s wound may not be of any help. He knew it would be. He didn’t doubt that evac would get there in time. He knew they would.

He didn’t doubt that the sounds of Keegan’s grunting would stop. He knew they’d persist. He knew and knew and knew.

What he didn’t know, was if Keegan’s strained “love you” was a mere pain and adrenaline induced pleasantry, or something he’d imagined hearing for the last decade and a half coming to fruition. Was this simply the final remark in what felt like the face of death from the bleeding man lying on the rubble below? A goodbye? A friend, a soldier, a brother’s last call to the void?

Or was it more? Was it the only words Keegan could muster, not because he was on the brink, but because it was the only thing that mattered to him? Mind and body begging to be put out of its misery, soul begging for the man keeping his life afloat to hear the confession he not even dare admit in a booth?

Ajax didn’t know. For all the things he was sure of, that question persisted through the night. Going unanswered for far too long, long enough to make the man feel sick until he had to purge the doubt and the unknown from his body.

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The steady hum of machinery and chattering voices filled Keegan’s fuzzy brain as he lie on a cot in a makeshift hospital tent. It was humid enough to make his uniform cling uncomfortably to his sticky skin. A throbbing, aching little pain that had settled deep in his stomach, wrapped by bandages and tied by stitches underneath.

The white ceilings were only amplified by the bright lights that dangle above him, searing into his retinas and causing his body to reject any other stimuli.

A nurse intercepted his attempt to sit up just yet, trying to kindly explain that he needed to lie down and rest before even standing up again. With a grumble, and a dry cough, Keegan obliged, lying down and closing his eyes to avoid the light, lest his eyes melt from his sockets right there on the table.

Merrick was at his side before he realized it, a hand on his shoulder, briefly explaining away what happened. He and Ajax were escaping Federation territory, on standby waiting for their superior officer and Lieutenant to come extract them, when a bullet clipped him in the stomach.

He distantly remembers the sound of gunfire near him, Ajax warding off any lasting enemy appearances before tending to his wound. He couldn’t forget the veneration that consumed Ajax, much as he forgot most everything else. The way the man’s hand slipped right into his. The other applying pressure on his bleeding stomach, crouched right beside him and hovering over his body. As if even the moonlight could harm him, shielding him from the sticky damp air.

“On me! Focus on me, Keeg, stay awake!” he could hear the words bounce around off his eardrums even now, Ajax’s desperate pleas for Keegan to stay awake, stay alive, “stay with me”.

Merrick had enough tact to realize he needed some rest, and left him be. Keegan didn’t have the voice to ask about Ajax, he knew the man was okay since Merrick hadn’t brought him up otherwise. But it gnawed at him. Needing to know where he was and if he was okay lingered in his mind like a candy that sticks to your molars, a pestering, annoying little thing.

But Ajax didn’t show. Not for the rest of the day, until Keegan was deemed stable enough to head back home by the field medic. Keegan expected the man’s arm to sling around his shoulder in that friendly fashion of his, but it was all quiet. Boots on the pavement and silence on the heli ride back to base. They both knew it was out of order, Ajax’s silence, Keegan just didn’t know why.

“Love you” the words croaked from his lips, shocking Ajax into silence again. His “stay awake” and “you’ll be okay” mantras being cut off like a whip across the back. Keegan’s hand was clammy and warm in his, his other bloodied hand plugging Keegan’s wound up with the scrap of his own mask, flat expanse of his palm stretched across his stomach, pressing and pressing as if it would will the wound to close right up.

Keegan didn’t dare speak, of course. He had nothing to say, really. It was difficult to watch your fellow man on the edge of death, even one you didn’t know. But this was Ajax’s person. Keegan couldn’t be defined in any word that existed in the dictionary, that wouldn’t be doing him justice, no.

He was, in a manner of speaking, Ajax’s necessity. They’d known one another far too long, been through far too much to pretend the word best friend or comrade was sufficient enough for the indelible connection they shared.

The tension was silent, almost not even there if you didn’t read between the lines. But Merrick and Kick were more than literate, sensing some disturbance in the duo as they all shared the heli ride back to base.

“Love you too” is all Ajax could supply back. Afraid if he said anymore, Keegan would remember it, and afraid if he said nothing at all, the blue eyed man below him would die without knowing that whatever it was, it was reciprocated. Ajax had more than enough blood on his hands in this line of work, but Keegan’s was precious. Viscous and warm and slick in his hands, and he felt responsible for him in every way.

The heli landed, and Rorke was waiting for them all. He didn’t look angry, or concerned, he looked relieved. He’d not so patiently waited to be informed on whether Keegan had made it or not, Elias opting to leave the room whenever he and Merrick had lost connection with them. The Captains worry was like a poison. It needed an antidote before it spread.

Keegans physical arrival, in one piece, seemed to satiate everybody. Except the gnawing pain in the pit of Ajax’s stomach.

Love you. Love you too.

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It almost killed him to pretend what was said hadn’t been.

Ajax could handle watching Keegan’s exhausted body lying on the cot in the field tent. He could handle the tense, silent ride back to base. He could even handle going to bed that night, confused and angry and feeling something nameable.

Want.

He wanted Keegan, in any and every manner he could have him. The realization hitting him like a freight train as he lay in his squeaky little bed in the barracks, tossing and turning and rethinking every single moment with the man since they’d met years ago.

Memories of the contours of Keegan’s jaw, his dark hair always flattened by his mask after missions, the way his voice got more gruff in the morning and the way he moved without making a sound filled Ajax’s mind.

The quiet man hadn’t spoken much since they got back, being ordered by the Captain to get some rest. His only response being a gruff rumble and a nod of acknowledgement, pretending his stitches didn’t ache as much as they did and that he wasn’t as upset about being put out of the field as he was.

The mission had been a success, anyways. They had an objective and they completed it, per usual. Just within an inch of Keegan’s life, is all.

Ajax fell asleep wondering just how coherent Keegan had been after getting hit, the question that plagued his mind nearly every second of the day that he wasn’t busy. Did he understand what he said? Did he actually even say it? “Am I imagining this shit?” He’d mutter to himself, deep in thought and earning a raised eyebrow from Kick. But nothing more.

Nothing more, nothing to say, nothing to do.

Ajax went on a recon mission with Merrick the next day. Uniforms soaked with rainwater, boots squishing in puddles of thick mud as he trudged along with the gruff man.

“Keegan should be back in business within the week” he’d tell Ajax casually. Too casual, for a fact that Ajax already knew, of course. He didn’t want to read too much into it.

“Right on” Ajax nodded, wiping the mixture of sweat and rainwater from his brow, going without his normal mask until he can secure a new one. He hadn’t been able to wash Keegan’s blood out of his, even though Elias explained exactly how to get it out of the fibrous material. Unnecessary, he decided. He’d simply fashion a new one.

The two men trudged along, rifles slung over their shoulders, heavy packs weighed down further due to the earlier rain that soaked them. Ajax was exhausted, as usual. And his mind kept returning to the man back at base. Mine, his brain would supply, only to be hit with a rebuttal. His mind swirling with the feelings he’d done so well with repressing for the last decade. How could he be so stupid? Keegan was a comrade, a brother.

Ajax knew where this would lead, and he couldn’t alter the course one bit.

[gunnrblze]

Okay so your moodboard for Keegan and Ajax got me thinking (plus that old ask way back comparing Keegan and Ajax to the moon and sun respectively) I apologize in advance for my ramblings and the length of this

My song of choice is The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives (aka one of my favorite songs)

"Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else before you made the choice for me."

Basically.. Sandviper. It all set into motion Keegan and Ajax becoming Ghosts -> Ajax's eventual demise

"My feet knew the path we walked in the dark, in the dark, I never gave a single thought where it might lead."

Keegan and Ajax became Ghosts together, walking the same path. In their line of work, you can't really know where the future will go, so they might have tried to live life in the present savoring the moments they had together

"All those empty rooms, we could have been anywhere, anywhere else. Instead I made a bed with apathy."

This just reminds me of Keegan searching for Ajax during struck down, clearing room through room searching for him. I feel like part of Keegan knew Ajax wasn't making it out alive.

"My heart knew the weight, ten years' worth of dust and neglect, we made our peace with weariness and let it be."

More Sandviper for the soul. Your honor, they're tired

"The moon will sing a song for me, I loved you like the sun. Bore the shadows that you made with no light of my own."

I like to think Ajax brought out the best in Keegan, the sun shining his light onto him in a sense. Without the sun's light, you can't see the moon. They both had dark parts of their lives, but Keegan was more than willing to bear both of their pasts if it meant Ajax would continue to shine. Extrovert with their adopted introvert my beloved

"I shine only with the light you gave me." x2

Keegan was aggressive, desperate to get his other half back. He goes from yelling at Federation soldiers to cradling Ajax's body, carrying him with reverence as he's just lost part of his soul, his source of light

"Name your courage now, we could have had anything, anything else instead you hoarded all that's left of me."

Keegan towards Rorke no doubt. Not sticking around for a fight after killing one of their own? Coward. Rorke took the greatest thing in Keegan's life and didn't even hang around to see what he caused- leaving Ajax to have to drop the bombshell that Rorke was hunting Ghosts.

"Swallowing your doubt, like swords to the pit of my belly. I want to feel the fire that you kept from me."

More Keegan vs Rorke here. I'd say if Hesh wasn't the most likely to kill Rorke, Keegan would be a runner up as Ajax's death definitely hurt. What hurts more is that Ajax died from a stab to the stomach by a Federation soldier (like swords to the pit of my belly)

Anyways thanks for letting me lyric dump, I love The Crane Wives and have plenty of other songs that get me thinking about the Ghosts. I hope this made sense

HELLOOOO WHAT?😭 i literally love this song, but the Keejax breakdown? MY HEART omg, makes total sense ur a genius. This is literally their song I’m afraid, such a good dissection of them

“I shine only with the light you gave me” I’ll cry rn

[gunnrblze]

It seems to me that Keegan and Ajax once kissed to reinforce their friendship, like they got along really well

I mean, it's just a guess 👀

They did. And then they kissed again and again and stuff. Totally canon actually. Very good friendship 🫡

[gunnrblze]

KEEJAX!!

[gunnrblze]

To be honest, I feel like Keegan and Ajax loved each other like something MORE, like, I get vibes like they were the typical guys who hugged a lot in private. 🤭

Oh I agree LMAO. So much so that I’m writing a whole fic about them 🫣🫶🏻