#kearn

[queersatanic]

Happy birthday, Duane.

[panelshowsource]

Happy birthday, John Kearns! Born on this day, the 10th of April, 1987 🦆

[firearmsandflashdrives]

i dont think anything will ever be funnier to me than john kearns' "print, laminate, distribute" task attempt. it's just perfect from start to finish. him getting distracted by the fonts available and reminiscing about "joker man." using wingdings and then printing out the signs and not being able to remember what they said. "the joker man's seat...so we'll wait for him to show up." trying to retype his own instruction (bum's only, not even really an instruction and also such a specifically john kearns kind of humor) and being convinced that wingdings changes every time you use it. almost dropping the laptop when handing it back to alex. trying to argue that wingdings changes in the studio even though he definitely just had caps lock on. insisting MONTHS if not YEARS LATER in his "ultimate episode" video that wingdings does change every time you use it and saying someone else corroborated this even though the comments on any video of or thread about that task all say that he definitely absolutely just had caps lock on. God i love him

[aichihuahua]

"For the first time ever in Taskmaster history, we do not have a loser. In joint fourth- So, in a way we have two losers..." Fern Brady & John Kearns | TASKMASTER 14

[upstairsdownstairsandinbetween]

Lakeview Penthouse, Chicago, United States,

Building Designed by Lucien Lagrange,

Wheeler Kearns Architects

[cloudberrylane]

series 15:

series 14:

- JOHN: I brought in, um... - GREG: Oh, here we go. - JOHN: A sailor's hat. - GREG: Yep. - JOHN: Picture it, yeah. - GREG: I am picturing it. - JOHN: You're driving, you're driving along…You see a car beside ya…You look over at the driver, he's wearing that. Everyone's honking. Everyone loves him. You're thinking, you know, is he, is he late for his boat?  Kids banging on the window going, yeah.

[orokothe]

Height chart of my FREAKS (well most of them)

[ohdoyoucomeonthen]

[hauntedtrait]

you know i fucking hate it when you smoke

[atomic-chronoscaph]

Batboat - Batman (1966)

[agambleaday]

[pelova4president]

The extrovert to my introvert

Maya Le Tissier x Reader

summary~ You met Maya when you were twelve and playing in a boys only team, she too was the only girl in her team. A year later you meet again, only now she’s your teammate at England.

You’ve always loved Maya Le Tissier.

Growing up, playing in an all boys team was tough. At first they were soft with you but that changed when you started to tackle them, hard. They challenged you more and harder, they didn’t want to lose to a girl. ‘Girls can’t play football’ is the phrase you heard most growing up.

When you had a game against another team, your teammates did stick up for you. The boys from the other team would yell insults when you walked past them. Their parents were even worse, the dads yelled at their kids whenever you nutmegged them and the moms told your parents that they should take you off football.

The game almost always got a whole lot more physical after the first half. The opponent didn’t want to lose to a girl. They tried to take you out with bad tackles and tugged at your shirt until you fell down. But your teammates stood up for you. Your captain pushed the boy that took you down and even the parents of your teammates would yell at the boy and his coach for being so reckless.

You’d never played in a girls team or against a girl, really. Although it was hard playing against boys, you wouldn’t trade it for a thing. The boys were tough on you but whenever you needed them, they got your back. It had always been like this, it kept you on your toes and you preformed better because of it.

It wasn’t until you turned twelve that you played against a girl. The only girl on an all boys team, just like you.

You stared at her from the sideline, where your team was doing their warming-up. “Y/n, what’re you looking at?” your captain yelled. He took you out of your trance and you turned you head towards the warming-up again.

“You know the girl?” you asked one of your teammates that was stood next to you, stretching. He shrugged and answered, “Not really, all i know is that her name’s Maya.”.

Maya was a defender, you were a striker, you were destined to meet on the field.

Your team starts slow, and the other team scores an early goal. But you need to make an impression. As the game goes on, you notice the girl defending you, she had so much skill and isn't afraid to make a tackle. She makes it beyond hard for you to get past her.

At halftime, your team is 2-0 down, but you can't lose, not to her. In the second half, you come back stronger and harder. With fast footwork, you create opportunities. The girl is right there, trying to block your every move, but you're not giving up.

In the final minutes, it finally happens. The parents watching spur you on as you maneuver past defenders, including the girl who you've been eyeing all game. You score a goal and you run towards your teammates, but not before looking at Maya. The girl smiles, impressed by your work.

But you're not done yet. You're still one goal down, you need atleast one other goal. As the game continues, you find yourself in the perfect position.

With a well-timed shot, you score another goal, tying the game.

The match ends in a draw, but for you it felt like a little victory.

You shook the hands of your opponents, leaving one for last. The brunette walked over to you. “You played good.” she complimented. With red cheeks you responded, “Thanks, you too, you made it really tough to score.”. She laughed and walked away.

One year later you met again, at the Under 15’s for England. Maya had already made friends but you didn’t. It had always been harder for you to make friends, especially girl friends.

You were sat on a tree trunk outside. It was wasn’t really cold outside since it was still summer but it wasn’t warm either, the evening breeze making the hairs on your forearms stand up.

There you were, feeling homesick and kicking some rocks away like they were footballs.

Maya saw you sitting from inside the training center and decided to go talk to you. “Mind if i sit here?” she asked you but was already sitting next to you before you could answer. You already knew who it was. Maya started kicking rocks too, “This is kinda boring, why won’t you come inside?”. Again, you didn’t really answer and just shrugged. You didn’t move to go inside so she stayed there too, the whole evening.

She did all the talking. “I’ve never been to an England camp before, i hope we get to keep our game kits.” she rambled. She even made you laugh when she told you about the one time she ‘accidentally’ broke the nose of an opponent. Maya could talk for the both of you and you just listened.

When the England staff called the both of you inside because you needed to go to your room you said something for the first time that evening. “You’re fun, Maya.” you told her looking at your feet that were still kicking little rocks away.

“Thank you. I think you’re way better company than the other girls here, y/n.” she complimented, looking at your face that had gotten red at her compliment. She knew you weren’t much of a talker but that didn’t bother her, you’ll eventually open up.

You did open up. The two of you were polar opposites, Maya’s extroverted who loved to talk while you were an introvert who rarely talks. But even though you were so different you were inseparable from that first camp day on.

A year later, you realised that you didn’t just think of Maya as your bestfriend. She might’ve been your whole world at this point. When you weren’t at camp together you’d text or call eachother whenever you could.

You had Maya as your screensaver and laptop backgroup, a photo of the two of you next to your bed. Her Le Tissier England shirt was hung up on your wall. She made you a friendship bracelet with her intials and number on it, a red and white ‘MLT4’ rested on your wrist. You’d made her one too but messed the colours up, she still wore it though.

You laid down on your bed and looked up at the ceiling, where ofcourse was another photo of the brunette and you, at the first camp England camp.

It was at the Under-17 Euros that you confessed your crush on her. You’d just been eliminated. You had to go home. You had to go home, text or call Maya everyday pretending you were fine with just being friends and after six weeks you got to see eachother again and you’d do it all over again.

It was silent on the way back to the hotel. You didn’t say anything, she didn’t say anything. The team got out of the bus and most of the girls headed to their room.

You didn’t. You walked towards a wooden bench outside and sat down. The bench made a little sound when you sat down. The sun had long gone down and you could only think about what you could’ve done better. You could’ve passed to one of your teammates and maybe they would’ve scored.

You heard the bench make that same sound again when Maya sat down beside you. Frowning you looked up at her. The defender looked you in your eyes and sighed.

“I know it’s not the end of the world but it certainly feels like it. I mean how did we let them score that first one? I had to do better-“ she rambled like she always did. Normally you’d let her but not today. “Maya, i could’ve scored. Don’t go and blame yourself. Just like you said, it’s not the end of the world, we’re gonna be alright.” you cut her off.

She looked at you again placed her and on top of yours. “Also.. i like you Maya. Not as teammates or friends. I kind of love you, you know.” you blurted out without thinking.

Maya had to stiffle her laughter and bit her cheek. You looked up again, confused by the silence. “Why aren’t you saying anything, please say something.” you said, sounding a bit stressed.

“Y/n, that’s the most you’ve ever said to me in one time.” she laughed. You looked away with a red face. “Y/n i love you as a teammate and a friend but i’d love you even more as my girlfriend.” she said taking you by surprise.

Maya took your chin in her hands and turned your head towards hers. “I’d like to kiss you now.” she whispered softly, leaning in you kissed her. It was soft, passionate and sweet, just like her.

The two of you were girlfriends by the time the Under-19 World Cup was happening. Now that you’d both got scouted by the red side of Manchester you started living together. It wasn’t a big appartement since your parents money was still the biggest part of your income.

Maya’s dad drove you and your lover to the airport since you had to fly to Spain where the tournament was held.

mayaletissier posted on their story

The tournament went well. Maya asked you to give the girls another chance and you’d do anything for Maya so ofcourse you did. You liked Maya’s company better but this was fine too. Some of the girls were quite funny.

When you were eating dinner with some of the girls you got the best idea. Biking around for a bit in the dark and maybe even swimming in some lake would be fun. You proposed the idea to a few of the girl and they were in. But something was in the way of this brilliant plan. The staff probably wouldn’t let you go so you needed to do it in secret.

You asked the girls to meet you by the bikes at 8.

You were waiting with Maya when some of the girls joined you. The sun was going down but it was still warm since it was June and you were in Spain.

jesspark_16

After the World Cup, where England got second, The Netherlands winning, Maya took you camping. Maya had told you all about her camping adventures with her family.

Camping in France had been a tradition in your lovers family. Every year they’d go and camp for atleast one week. Maya loved her family so she was beyond excited to take you camping with them.

mayaletissier posted on their story

Even after the World Cup, when you both got into the Senior England team you loved to travel together. Maya got to make her debut while you still had to wait. It was okay because you knew she deserved it.

At Manchester United the both of you were regular starters. When you got a professional contract for the senior team you bought your lover and yourself your own (tiny) house. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t big. You got your own space, a little home for the both of you.

When the big home Euros arrived, Maya was called up. You weren’t. Ofcourse you were heartbroken but that only made you work harder, wanting to get where your lover got.

Every England game you were sat in the stands, watching your girl play for her country.

mayaletissier

liked by alessiarusso99 and 53.197 others

Proud to have made my Euros debut.

comments

y/n_y/l/n so so proud of my my MLT23

ellatoone shining ✨

keirawalsh ⭐️girl

woso4evr she’s the future of england

maya_y/nfann so sad y/n wasn’t selected

When Maya won the Euros you screamed your lungs out. The usual quiet introvert left your body and you went crazy. Your Maya had brought it home.

When it had all sank in you got on your plane to your planned vacation. It was perfect. It was sunny and sandy and there were restaurants and little shops everywhere.

mayaletissier

liked by lucybronze and 114.719 others

love love love

comments

y/n_y/l/n are your parents bakers, because you’re a cutie pie

↳ mayaletissier disgustingly cheesy

↳ y/l/n_y/l/n you know you like it

alessiarusso99 cute!!

missybokearns girlfriends that play together stay together 😍

letissier4fan they’re so good together

y/n_y/l/n

liked by missybokearns and 79.728 others

the extrovert to my introvert

comments

jesspark_16 🧀🧀yyyy

↳ y/n_y/l/n go find a gf jessie

1maryearps already so grown up

mayaletissier do you have a sunburn or are you always this hot??

↳ y/n_y/l/n maya..

leahwilliamsonn why does your vacation look better than mine

↳ y/n_y/l/n cuz i’ve got my planner gf

li0n3sses45 i don’t know who’d i rather be, maya or y/n

footballtooney11 i want what they have

[pandaroboto]

Taskmaster+ The Onion headlines (part 2)

(to see the rest click here)

[taskmastercaps]

[ID: Seven screencaps from Taskmaster. Greg Davies says, “You don’t have regrets. Although you’re not someone who DOESN’T have regrets.” John Kearns explains, “I’ve got regrets, we’ve all got regrets. But I don’t live with them.” Greg asks, “So where are they?” John taps the side of his head and says enigmatically, “Oh, they’re up there. But I don’t go there.” End ID.]

[lucawrites11]

my optimal lionesses line-up v ireland

i am going to this match and i am not afraid to insult sarina from my seat loudly if she doesn't play younger players for this one

A lot of players are on yellows and one more will put them out for the Sweden game so this is the main consideration in the creation of this line-up. It's two yellows for a suspension, Jess Carter, Ella Toone, Leah Williamson, Lucy Bronze and Chloe Kelly are all on one. This is also one of the easier games in the group and an opportunity to play some younger players.

Alessia Russo may be injured after leaving last week's camp early with a hamstring injury in training but I think that was minor and mostly precautionary however if she's not ready to play a full 90, I would like to see Aggie Beever-Jones start in her place. They've tried starting Lauren Hemp in the nine before and it regularly fails to produce goals. However, if Aggie Beever-Jones starts, I would like to see Fran Kirby over Grace Clinton to bring more experience to that front line and introduce someone that Aggie is more familiar with playing with rather than two young players connecting through that central channel to create a line-up like this:

Okay, so justifying my other choices. Firstly, England needs to start introducing a more consistent staring line-up for chemistry and game plans. This is not possible in the defence but consistency can be carried over in the attack and midfield with the exception of Grace Clinton. Hence, my choices of Russo, Hemp and Mead up front. I think they need all the chances to build up their chemistry possible so England can start scoring the goals they need to score. This especially comes with how they understand each other's movement. Clinton can slip into this as the best like-for-like replacement for Toone who can get up front to compensate for Russo's runs that create a midfield overload much needed for chances through the centre especially with both Wubben-Moy and Williamson unavailable to make these runs from the defence.

However, England will likely benefit from Ireland's lack of a midfielder with the talents to mark Keira Walsh out of the game which is why I have deemed it okay not to play Williamson and miss out on her midfield overloads that free up Walsh and allow her to make her crucial chance creating passes through the midfield. England will also benefit from Clinton's speed, allowing more of these passes to capitalise on as she can outrun her markers. Stanway and Walsh are further irreplaceable in the midfield, although I would accept Park in Stanway's role however with two inexperienced defenders, England would benefit from experiences in the midfield.

With all the yellow cards and injuries, England is limited in the defence. As a result, Greenwood despite being a stronger player at centre-back is the best option at left-back and fortunately links up well with Lauren Hemp so this isn't the worst scenario for England. However, it does leave England without a left-footed centre-back. Both Morgan and Le Tissier can play at right-back. However, with McCabe preferring the wings to score goals (though let's face it we have no fucking idea where she's going to play and quite frankly she shouldn't be given a positional label any more, she should just be called an outfield player because she plays fucking everywhere), it is better to play the more experiences player at right-back to possibly counter this and that would be Maya Le Tissier. However, Esme Morgan and Maya Le Tissier's positions in the starting line-up are interchangeable for me.

I want to see Keating make her competitive debut sooner rather than later, as a result, I think this would be the perfect time to give her a chance. She had minutes in the game against the Netherlands and with no friendlies coming up soon, I think this may be the only opportunity. If both Hampton and Earps are injured, she is the keeper we would turn to and she needs some competitive experience to remove the pressure and give England and herself the best chances in the future. She is a stronger keeper than most in the WSL and with Greenwood and Morgan in front of her she will be in the unique position of playing with a familiar defence to guide her.

If Niamh Charles makes the match day squad and Maya Le Tissier returns to the reserves, I would like to see Millie Turner play the centre back role alongside Millie Bright. In that scenario, Esme Morgan would take up the right back role to look something like this. (Left if Russo isn't fully fit and right if she is.)

Substitutes

With Mary Earps and Niamh Charles still recovering from injury, the match day squad (limited to 23 players) would be:

(players in italics are on a yellow and at risk of a suspension)

Hannah Hampton, Khiara Keating, Lucy Thomas/Anna Moorhouse Lucy Bronze, Alex Greenwood, Millie Bright, Leah Williamson, Jess Carter, Esme Morgan, Maya Le Tissier, Millie Turner Keira Walsh, Fran Kirby, Georgia Stanway, Ella Toone, Grace Clinton, Jess Park Lauren Hemp, Beth Mead, Chloe Kelly, Alessia Russo, Aggie Beever-Jones, Jess Naz

I think it would be sensible to give Charles and Earps a little more time, especially Charles, ahead of this game and not name her to the squad especially with the limits already placed on the defensive by the yellow cards and it being key that Le Tissier, as a right back replacement for Lucy Bronze, is named in the match day squad.

I do not trust this squad not to get yellow cards against Ireland despite managing it last time out, especially Lucy Bronze. Quite frankly, some of the players not on yellows are quite literally bloody miracles (*cough* Georgia Stanway *cough* *cough*)

Personally, I am a little disappointed in the match day squad as it would be a good space for Bo Kearns to make a debut off the bench and I think she would do very well against Liverpool and she's in the unique position of being one of the few future English midfielders who can play in a defensive midfield position. The lack of depth in the defensive midfield role hurt England in their matches while Keira Walsh was injured with Katie Zelem one of the few other English options available in this role and nowhere near the standard of Keira Walsh however I think Bo Kearns, despite being more of a central midfielder, does have the ability to learn this role and slip into it much like Patri Guijarro is able to do at Barcelona. I would like to see her make the squad over a player on a yellow card as a tactical decision. Ella Toone is probably the best option as a like-for-like change in the midfield squad list.

Considering this, this is the substitutes that I would like to see made throughout the game.

And if Russo is not ready for a full 90, these are the substitutes that I want to see made:

These crucial substitutes would allow England to keep the experience and also allow young players to get game time ahead of the 2025 Euros something that is crucial for developing a game plan similar to the one that won England the 2024 Euros. With qualifiers for both the World Cup and Euros getting increasingly difficult, there will be no more opportunities like Luxembourg and North Macedonia to give young players a chance and they are going to have to get their chances in these matches. Jess Naz, Aggie Beever-Jones, Missy Bo Kearns, Maya Le Tissier, Grace Clinton, Jess Park and Esme Morgan will all be crucial to England's future success and they need to get the chance at some point and these substitutions will be the way to give it to them. For me, the most crucial players to play with be Beever-Jones, Keating and Naz.

[deadpresidents]

It's been a tough week to be an American, so here's something to think about for Independence Day.

When Lyndon B. Johnson was President, he was so determined to do as much as possible in the time that he had that, according to Presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin (who was also a personal aide to LBJ in his final years in office and retirement), his swimming pool at the LBJ Ranch in Texas "was strangely equipped with special rafts for a telephone, a notepad, and a pencil; if the President thought of someone he wanted to call or something important he wanted to record, he could float over to the various rafts that held the necessary equipment."

Notice that she used the plural "rafts" -- as in there were more than one of these rafts in the small pool at his ranch in the rural Texas Hill Country. And, while most business obviously wasn't done in the swimming pool, some of it was, and it was part of the way LBJ operated as a political genius. A political genius who helped leave behind the Civil Rights Act of 1964, Head Start and school breakfast programs, Job Corps, PBS, NPR, the National Endowment for the Arts, the National Endowment for Humanities, Fair Packaging and Labeling for things you shop for and Truth-In-Lending laws, the Civil Rights Act of 1968 (which included the Fair Housing Act, Indian Civil Rights Act, and codified federal hate crime laws), the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, the Elementary and Secondary Education Act of 1965, the Immigration and Nationality Act of 1965 (which eliminated racially discriminatory immigration policies), the first Clean Air Act (arguable the most important environmental protection law in American history), and much, much, much more including...oh, what was it? Oh yeah: the Voting Rights Act, Medicare and Medicaid.