#kathy's life story

[ratatatastic]

"Alright and then my last question on the celebration because we are huge fans of this—maybe the greatest establishment of all time—how was the party at E11even?" "From what we remember? Yeah. You know, that whole week was crazy."

Empty Netters | 8.26.24 (x)

"The next day—" "Still haven't slept?" "Still have not slept. That night I probably got an hour of sleep. Maybe 2 hours. The next night was the boys night in Miami. So we have dinner at Catch—which is... what a great spot down in Miami Beach! And then we go to E11even. And E11even put on one of the greatest parties I'll ever go! I don't know if I'll ever go to a better party!" "Big Dog's there? Pitbull?" "I can't remember! But it was—I remember. It was incredible! Like it wasn't even like guys were going crazy. We've been drinking for 3 days straight so you're already in the pocket! You're just enjoying all the fans and like the night that they put on for us was like—it was incredible! We own the place basically! It was so fun! A night I'll remember forever!"

Cam & Strick Podcast | 8.27.24 (x)

and just for prosperity sakes monty and swaggy had public signings at hollywood collectibles on the 29th and even 2 days after the event™ they could not remember jack shit about it (x)(x)

so in conclusion: "so about e11even-" "i dont remember anything about it but it sure was fun ill remember that i dont remember 😃"

[sansaorgana]

what if benny heard his girl’s friend telling her about how she deserves better. he then notices his gf distancing herself from him because she starts having doubts about their relationship, and he’s not about to let her go that easily

hello 💚 thank you for your request! it turned out to be quite long (nearly 4,5k words) 😌 Benny & Reader are kinda toxic here lol 🤣 but in the movie he was such a red flag sometimes and his relationship with Kathy wasn't that healthy either, so I felt like exploring that trope. it has a happy ending, though! 💒

I had to close my requests for now because I got so many 🙏🏻

Whenever you were out with your friends, Benny was a big part of your conversations. They were either single or they dated boring men and you couldn’t help but brag a little to them about taming a man like Benny Cross.

Of course, sometimes you were jealous of the stability your friends had. But with Benny it was never boring and you had never had so many wild stories to tell before meeting him. You wore one of his rings proudly and with as much pride you had the Vandals Chicago small patch on your jeans jacket.

And today was no different – you arrived at Molly's place a little bit late by the bus but Benny was supposed to pick you up later. You fixed your hair and your jacket before getting inside the apartment building after some older lady who was walking inside. She looked you up and down and you couldn’t tell if it was because of the patch or the leather pants but you didn’t care either way. You were only wearing trousers these days because sitting in the back of the bike in a skirt or a dress was far from comfortable.

You knocked upon Molly’s door and she opened with a smile but you couldn’t help but notice that the way she looked at you was similar to the old lady’s gaze. And when you walked to the living room and waved at your other friends, they suddenly went quiet, which only meant one thing – they had been talking about you.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Barbara greeted you. “Has your boyfriend dropped you off?”

You furrowed your brows at her oddly mocking tone as other girls tried to hide a giggle.

“Hi, Barbs. No, he hasn’t,” you answered, pretending you hadn’t caught the rude undertone of her question. You sat on the armchair because you didn’t want to sit next to them on the couch.

Molly sat back there, right next to Ursula. On Barbara’s other side sat Susie.

“So, how’s life? What’s up?” You asked as usual, tapping your fingers on the wooden armrest of the armchair. 

You hadn’t seen them in two months and they were your friends since high school. You were naturally interested in hearing their stories.

“Well, I got engaged!” Ursula announced and showed you the ring. Your eyes widened and you gave her a smile.

“Wow, ‘sula, that’s crazy. Congratulations, babe,” you winked at her. “That ring must have cost a fortune!”

“It certainly has. But you know, Dickie’s in the finance,” she reminded you but there was something contemptuous in her voice.

“I remember,” you only nodded. “When’s the wedding?”

“In July, we think,” Ursula answered. “I’m currently dress hunting. I was in the store the other day with the girls and…” She started and then she stopped talking as the other hissed at her.

Your heart skipped a beat.

“Wait, what?” You raised an eyebrow. “You guys are seeing each other without me?” You swallowed thickly and waited for their answer.

It made sense, suddenly. Because you had used to meet every two weeks. But some time ago they had started to come with excuses that they were too busy to meet so often. Now the meetings were taking place once every two months. But… Perhaps it was this way only for you.

The girls looked at each other.

“Oh, please, (Y/N), it was only once,” Barbara quickly spoke up. “You were busy that day anyway. We knew about it so we didn’t even ask you.”

“How did you know I was busy?” You asked.

“We read in the paper that there had been a motorbike accident in the area. We assumed you were at the hospital,” Ursula explained and you nearly snorted at her stupid lie.

She was always the worst at coming up with lies on the go.

“This accident had nothing to do with Benny or anyone in our club for that matter,” you told her although you were sure there had been no accident even.

“Well, we thought…” Ursula started.

“Our club, huh?” Susie suddenly giggled. She was usually the quiet one but it made her pretty observant and she would always pick on the words.

You cracked a smile at that.

“Are you learnin’ how to drive a motorbike now? Is he gettin’ you one as well?” Molly teased.

“No,” you answered. “Anyway…” You tried to change the subject. “July is in three months. I gotta start hunting for a dress for the occasion, too. Is there a dress code?” You asked Ursula.

Ursula looked down and started to fidgeting with her fingers nervously.

“Actually…” Barbara took a deep breath in. “Ursula would like to tell you something but she’s scared…”

“So… We will do it for her,” Molly nodded.

You already knew what it was about and you tried your best to keep your smile on although all you wanted to was to cry.

Not even because you were losing the friendship of these girls – they were clearly treating you like shit anyway – but because it all felt so… humiliating. As if you were the village’s outcast all of the sudden. A local pariah.

“I’m not invited?” You crossed your arms.

“No! It’s not like that!” Ursula protested as she looked up to meet your gaze. “It’s… It’s about Benny. I don’t want him at my wedding. So… If you want to come, you are welcome to come alone,” she finished.

“Well, I’ll see if I can come. In July we are going for vacation anyway. The dates might interfere,” you explained with a shrug of your arms. That was a lie.

“Vacation? With Benny? Where?” Susie seemed to be interested now.

“A trip to Florida where his cousin lives,” you explained. At least that part about his cousin was true.

“Florida… Nice…” Barbara sighed and Molly pushed her with her elbow.

For the rest of the meeting, you were silent. Nodding your head at the things the girls were saying and faking laughs here and there, already coming up with the lies to tell them when they’d ask about you but… They never asked.

When they were in the middle of talking about some stupid movie, you all got startled at the sudden sound of the loud engine. All the girls gave you a dirty look as you chuckled.

“Sorry,” you put your hands up in the air. “It’s Benny. I gotta go now. It was nice to catch up with you,” you stood up and waved at them before going to the hall.

You didn’t feel like hugging them or anything like that. You just wanted to be out of the flat.

However, Molly followed you.

“I’ll walk you outside,” she proposed and you furrowed your brows at her but you nodded. She was your closest friend out of them all.

You took the lift downstairs and walked out of the apartment building. Benny’s motorbike was parked on the opposite side of the parking lot. He was leaning on it and smoking a cigarette.

“Wanna say hello to him?” You asked Molly, squinting your eyes at the sun as you put your hand over your forehead to create a shadow.

“Nah, I’m fine, babe,” Molly shook her head and put her hands inside the pockets of her cardigan. “But, you know, I gotta tell you something…” She continued to walk in the direction of Benny’s motorbike but her steps were small as her voice lowered.

“What is it?”

“You know I like you, (Y/N). I don’t like what’s happened to us. I mean, our friend’s group. You know why and what… Who is the reason,” Molly cleared her throat. “You’ve changed, too.”

“Shouldn’t it matter that I’m happy?” You asked her.

“But… Are you? Darling, is there any future in that?” She glanced at Benny who was observing you carefully but you were sure he was standing too far away to hear the whispers. “I just think you deserve better. We all do. Think about that, will you, doll?” Molly patted your arm before squeezing it in a friendly way and waving at you.

She turned around to hurry back inside the building right before the distance was close enough to greet Benny. It looked like she was avoiding him on purpose and she wasn’t even hiding that. It was rude.

You sighed and turned around to smile at your boyfriend.

“Hi, daddy-o. Sorry for making you wait,” you winked at him playfully. “Where are you takin’ me tonight?” You fixed his jacket and kissed his lips when he was not taking a drag of his cigarette.

“There’s a bonfire,” Benny mumbled out. “Hop on,” he pointed at the motorbike.

Benny’s hearing was not perfect after all the years of getting slaughtered by the roaring sound of the motorbikes’ engines. But he was an excellent lip reader – it was one of those useful skills he had learnt over the years. Benny was not a man of many words and he usually preferred to observe the environment around him. Reading lips was helpful for that.

You had been standing with your back turned to him so he had no idea what you had been answering to your friend’s words but he knew perfectly well what that girl had been saying. And then she had just looked him up and down and turned around, without even saying hi. Not that he cared to get a hi from a girl like her. And not that he wasn’t used to people treating him this way.

Still, it had planted an insecurity in his head. And now, during the bonfire, you were acting weird, too.

The sun was slowly going down on that day and a huge bonfire had been lit up. One of the guys had taken their radio and played rock and roll songs. There was lots of beer and a small barbecue and everything smelled like alcohol, sweat, meat and gasoline. After having a few beers, lots of boys were showing off their motorbike tricks, including jumping over the fire. The atmosphere was full of testosterone but most girls didn’t mind that. To date a biker, you had to be used to that. Constant risk, constant danger, constant adrenaline. You were sitting by the bonfire and watching the motorbike tricks as you were sipping on your diet coke through the straw. Benny was smoking a cigarette by one of the cars while he talked to his friends but he kept his eye on his girl and he knew you well enough to see that while the other girls were gossiping next to you, you didn't really pay attention as you were clearly dissociating.

When he finished his cigarette, he walked up to you and tugged on the sleeve of your jacket to make you stand up and follow him inside the house but you shrugged him off and looked away. Benny furrowed his brows but he didn’t give up.

“(Y/N), baby, come on,” he whined a little.

“Gee, Benny,” you rolled your eyes before looking up. “Can’t you see I’m talking to the girls?” You pointed out but the girls looked at you; confused at your words since you had been doing nothing but ignoring them for the past hour.

“I wanna talk to ya,” Benny insisted and you sighed.

“Excuse me, darlings,” you told the girls and put your empty bottle of soda on the ground before standing up and facing Benny.

You followed him in the direction of the house but instead of walking inside, Benny guided you to walk behind, where there was no one around.

“What is it?” You raised your eyebrow at him as you leaned on the wall behind you.

“I’m just wonderin’ why you’re acting like that,” Benny scratched himself behind his neck.

“Like what?”

“Like that,” Benny repeated and shrugged his arms. “Dunno, as if I have done somethin’ wrong. Have I?”

“No,” you answered but the answer was very fast and nearly harsh. “No…” You repeated and took a deep breath in as your face softened. “I’m just… That meeting with my friends was weird and I’m overthinkin’ some stuff. That’s it,” you explained. “‘sula’s getting married, you know?” You looked down and played with your foot, drawing circles on the ground with your boot.

Benny’s heart skipped a beat at the word married. 

“Yeah?” He asked, trying to look into your eyes but you kept your gaze low.

“Yeah,” you nodded. “However, I ain’t invited,” you turned your head to look away as you crossed your arms.

“What? Why?” Benny furrowed his brow. He couldn’t understand that. He thought that you were pretty close to those girls.

“It doesn’t matter,” you answered and looked into his eyes. “I was thinkin’... Maybe we could go to Florida in July? To your cousin? I need a vacation, Benny.”

“Florida’s far away,” Benny shook his head. “The guys need me here.”

“Only for a short time…”

“Nah,” Benny insisted. “We can have a weekend by the lake if ya want to.”

“No,” you sighed. “Listen, I’m tired today, ‘kay?”

“‘kay,” Benny nodded awkwardly and hid his hands inside the pockets of his jacket. “Wanna go home?”

“Yeah.”

Benny hoped that your odd behaviour would change on the next day but it did not. In the morning he didn’t find you in bed and when he walked downstairs, you were already dressed up and drinking coffee by the kitchen window.

“You up already?” He asked, surprised. “Workin’ today?” 

“No. I just couldn’t sleep,” you told him without looking at him.

“What’s for breakfast?” He asked and looked around the kitchen.

“I had pancakes. You can have whatever you want,” you pointed out and he was a bit taken aback by that response. 

Not that he minded making breakfast for himself but you had always been doing it for him ever since he moved to your place.

“Are you angry at me, kitty?” Benny asked, carefully, as he approached the fridge to take a look inside to see what he could eat.

He decided on scrambled eggs as he grabbed a few from the fridge. He put some butter on the pan and heated it up but there was still no answer from you.

“Kitty?” He cleared his throat and turned his head around to look at you.

You took one last sip of your coffee and stood up with a sigh. You put the coffee cup inside the sink and walked past him.

“I’m going to spend a day with my ma,” you told him.

“With your ma?” Benny furrowed his brows. He didn’t like it when you were going to your mum.

Not because he had something against you spending time with your family. But he knew that your mum absolutely hated his guts and she was begging you to dump him each time you were seeing her. For you to meet with her today – a day after your friend had told you that you deserved better… Well, it was not looking good for Benny.

“Yeah, I don’t know when I’ll be back,” you told him and then you left the kitchen. A few seconds later, he heard the front door closing.

“Fuckin’ hell,” he muttered to himself.

It was late afternoon, nearly evening already, when you came back home. Now, after the meeting with your mum, your head was full of doubts and insecurities about your relationship.

You loved Benny but was it possible that this relationship was really a doomed affair? All your friends were leaving you behind and treating you like your Vandals patch was a scarlet letter. Your mother was begging you all the time to leave Benny behind because he was “no good for you, baby”. It was annoying but she had every reason to be worried – Benny was trouble. He cost you a lot of money, too, when it came to the lawyers, hospitals and the bills. He didn’t even have a steady job. And all of that for what…? There was not even a ring on your fucking finger.

He would drive around all day and then get drunk at the bonfires. That was all he wanted to do. Was he even treating you seriously? Was he planning to settle down with you? That was doubtful. 

You walked inside the house and closed the door loudly behind you before going to the bathroom to wash your hands. Then you took a deep sigh at the sight of your tired face in the mirror and you went inside the living room where Benny was watching TV. He looked up at you and your heart skipped a beat at the sight of his baby blue eyes that looked extremely sad.

“Hi, baby. Had a good day?” He asked.

“Yeah. You?” You kept standing above him.

“Not really,” Benny admitted. “But, hey, it doesn’t matter, yeah? I called my cousin,” he told you and you raised an eyebrow. “I asked him if we could visit him in July and he said that it’s fine.”

Benny swallowed thickly and waited for your response, staring up at you like a puppy. You took a deep breath in and eventually nodded at him with a sigh before sitting next to him on the couch.

“What you watchin’?” You asked him.

“Some stupid movie,” he shrugged. “You happy about Florida?”

“Yeah,” you answered. 

But just because he had done something like this once, it didn’t mean that everything was suddenly okay.

“You haven’t worn your jacket with the patch today,” Benny pointed out awkwardly.

“My ma would kill me!” You chuckled at that with an eye-roll.

Long silence occurred after that. You were both staring at the TV and only pretending to watch the movie. Eventually, Benny moved in closer and put his arm around you. You flinched a little bit but you didn’t move away as your eyes filled with tears.

You loved him. You wanted this relationship to work but... Sometimes love was not enough. Especially when only one person was putting effort.

“I’m sorry I’m not good enough for ya, baby,” Benny whispered into your ear and you froze at his words. He kissed your cheek delicately and nuzzled his face in the crook of your neck. “I’m tryin’ my best,” he assured you. “But your friend was right. You deserve better.”

“Benny? What are you talking about? You heard Molly?” You turned your head around and lifted his chin to look up at you.

“Nah. I can read from the lips,” he shrugged and your heart pounded faster in your chest. “Don’t worry, I ain’t angry at ya. She was right. I’m just angry at her for making you realise that.”

You clenched your jaw, not knowing what to say. Somehow, you wanted to comfort him but… There were some things you wanted to say first.

“It’s not your fault. You’re just this way,” you caressed his cheek gently. “I don’t think you’re not enough. Maybe it’s me asking for too much. I knew who you were and what you were like when I took you in. I should have known what to expect,” you shrugged. “You’re just…” Your voice trembled and Benny furrowed his brows at you. “You’re just gonna drive away one day, right?”

“What are you talking about?” He shook his head.

“You’re a free spirit, Benny. You’re just gonna hop on the bike and disappear and I’ll be left with the mess to clean and the pieces to pick up. And I was trying not to get too attached but I have. And in return… In return you can’t even make me breakfast. Not even once!” You suddenly snapped as his eyes widened. “I wake up in the morning and make you breakfast every day. I go to work and earn money… Just to spend it later on some shitty lawyers after you get arrested, feeling guilty that I can’t afford a better one. Jesus, and now I can’t even go to my friend’s wedding just because she doesn’t want you there and, guess what, I don’t want to go there alone!” You raised your voice but then you sniffled your tears back and softened again. “I just… I just wish I knew that you were as serious about me as I am about you. That’s it.”

Benny moved uncomfortably and moved his arm away from your shoulder. He took a deep breath in and nodded his head.

“Ya think I’m just gonna drive away one day and leave you without a word?” He asked. “I mean… Yeah, I might. Because I’m clearly a burden. I’m gonna leave, that’s gonna be for the better,” he agreed with you but you could see his jaw clenching and eyes blinking away the fresh tears.

“I didn’t say that you were a burden, Benny,” you tried to explain but he stood up already and went up the stairs.

You followed him and you caught him packing his bag in your bedroom. You leaned on the doorframe and watched him.

“You can’t be serious, Benny. Why can’t we just have a normal conversation about it instead of you running away from the responsibility? You’re kinda provin’ my point at the moment, you know that?” You told him.

“Don’t wanna be a burden,” he insisted and you took a deep breath in before approaching him.

You put your hands on his arms and he flinched a little but he didn’t push you off. However, he kept on packing his things.

“Benny, baby, please, let’s just talk about it, okay?” You tried to talk to him in a soft voice as if he was a wild animal.

In many ways, he was.

“I even called my cousin an’ all that!” He suddenly turned around to look into your eyes. He was visibly angry but at the same time his eyes were glossy. “You wanted a fuckin’ vacation in Florida, so I called and got us a fuckin’ vacation,” he added.

“And I am grateful, baby, I am,” you assured him and placed your hands on his chest. You felt how fast his heart was beating and you caressed him there as if you were trying to soothe his heartbeat itself. “But that’s just… That’s like one time when you show me you’re treatin’ me serious.”

“I’m not treatin’ you serious enough, you say, huh?” Benny straightened his back and looked down at you. “But if I asked you to marry me, you wouldn’t say yes, right? ‘Cuz I ain’t no good enough, am I right?”

You were taken aback by those words. You blinked a few times, very slowly.

“Wha-what are you talking about, Benny?” You tilted your head.

“I wanna make you my wife,” he answered, seriously. “Wanted you as my Mrs. ever since I saw ya,” he confessed. “But I ain’t good enough…” He shook his head and looked away. “And I’ll never be for ya.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest as well. You bit on your lower lip and focused hard on overthinking his words. Suddenly, all your insecurities and doubts had disappeared. Your whole body was filled with butterflies.

Gee, yeah, he was… Different from the most. But he was special, too. And he was your Benny. You would never trade him for a man like Patrick for example – Ursula’s fiancé in finance. You would die of boredom with a guy like him. With Benny even those arguments that you were having with him were exciting. The way he was packing his bags or you were threatening to leave every other day, the way you were smashing plates sometimes, the way a phone call from the police station would wake you up in the middle of the night... It was making you feel alive.

“Oh, Benny!” You felt tears of happiness streaming down your cheeks and he looked at you again, confused. “Yes!” You jumped into his arms and he picked you up instinctively. “Yes, yes, yes!” You added and cupped his face to pepper it with dozens of tiny little kisses. “I’m gonna marry you, baby! Even tomorrow! Even now!”

Benny chuckled at that and kissed your lips properly as you put your hands behind his neck. 

“So, you just wanted a ring, my moody kitty, huh?” He teased playfully and you rolled your eyes with a smile.

You arrived at Molly’s place and knocked upon the door, fixing your jeans jacket. She opened the door and invited you in as usual.

It was a month since your last meeting with the girls. They looked you up and down as usual these days but then they furrowed their brows at the sight of your huge grin. Molly entered the living room behind you and took a seat on the couch, looking up at you with a questioning look.

“I have something to tell you,” you told them with a smug smile.

They looked at each other.

“You dumped him?” Barbara asked, excitedly.

“He knocked you up?” Molly, on the other hand, was rather scared.

“Don’t be daft. She wouldn’t be so happy then!” Susie pointed out. Clever as usual.

“I got married!” You exclaimed and showed them your hand with two new additions. A pretty engagement ring that you had chosen for yourself in the pawn shop and a brand new wedding band.

You watched with satisfaction how their mouths dropped. Ursula especially seemed to be butthurt, since you had managed to get married before her.

“And how’s dress hunting, ‘sula?” You teased her.

“I still don’t have a dress,” she admitted. You could see her jaw clenching. “And what were you wearing?”

“A short babydoll,” you answered and sat on the armchair nonchalantly.

“Why haven’t you told us?!” Molly asked and you looked at her as if she was crazy.

“Sorry, but… I don’t know how to say it… Benny and the other guys from the club…” You pretended to sound sad. “Well, they didn’t want you girls around, I hope you understand. No outsiders, you know,” you told them.

It was a lie, of course. None of them would have minded your friends coming. But the wedding had taken place a day after your argument with Benny anyway. There had been no time to send out invitations.

“That’s crazy,” Susie commented and you gave her a smug look.

“Gonna tell you somethin’ crazier,” you chuckled and she raised her eyebrows, curiously. “He got my name tatted right on his heart.”

MASTERLIST || BENNY MASTERLIST

[fumifooms]

Dungeon food, ah, dungeon food

Laios Touden and the Winged Lion

Dungeon Meshi, Ryoko Kui

^ 1:  Margaret Atwood, You Are Happy / 2: Grouper, Poison Tree / 3: Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry / 4: Emma Rebholz, No Good Boodsuckers / 5: Natalie Diaz, Postcolonial Love Poem / 6:  Tanaka Mhishi / 7: Jenefer Shute, Life-Size / 8 : Yves Olade, Belovéd / 9: Lara Williams, Supper Club / 10: Ovid (tr. Henry T. Riley), The Story of Erysichthon from Metamorphoses / 11: Alex Lemon, Another Last Day / 12: Kathy Acker, Empire of the Senseless / 13: Grouper, Poison Tree / 14: Neil Hilborn, A Place Where Someone Loves You / 15: Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood / 16: Bon Iver & St. Vincent, Roslyn v 17: Jess Zimmerman, Hunger Makes Me / 18: Yves Olade, Dark When It Gets Dark, “Topograph” Special credit: Entroponauts gathered most of these

[storiesfromafan]

Insecurities - Benny x Plus!Size Reader

A/N: I feel it was time I gave writing for a plus size reader a go. And Benny gives me the feeling he'd love a plus size girl 😅

Can say this was a small challenge. As when I write for a reader i usually lean for them to be smaller/thin. And i can honestly say I am a fat girly, who wishes I was how I described the plus size reader in this haha.

Hopefully this isn't too bad. I'm already working on a follow up, which will be steamy/smuty 😂😅

Also forgive if this feels like my other one-shots were the reader meets Benny 😅

Warning/s: reader is plus size, reader is down on themselves, low self-esteem(?), spelling/grammer mistakes

You’d always been treated differently due to your thicker build. As a teenager your frame was always different to the girls around you that were petite and slender, while you were curvier and stockier. Coming into womanhood you found you were thick, and not fat. With dresses you could blend in better, but jeans and slacks always showcased your wide hips, thick thighs but accentuated your smaller waist.

During your school days the boys, which is what they were, didn’t bat an eyelash at you. Opting for the smaller girls. With age, you found a fair number of men interested in you. But it never panned out. Either it was your own insecurities that held you back, or their insecurities arose, usually from their male friends making fun of you, or the guy for dating you.

Having moved to Chicago, you were lucky to find a place to live, becoming roommates with an interesting woman named Kathy. At first, you were unsure of her. As she seemed like a lot, but after weeding through her way of talking and her no beating around the bush approach, she grew on you. A week after moving in was when Vandals, men from a motorcycle club and their old ladies, started to hang out at her house.

Work had been stressful and disheartening, from the helping treat the sick and injured, to the few losses of life in the hospital. And knowing this, Kathy was persistent on taking you out tonight to Grand and Division. Not your typical haunt, but it was nice of her to include you. So with a little twist of your arm, you agreed to go with her. You looked forward to a few beers and being a wallflower, because rarely any man wanted you.

Arriving at the bar, you were greeted to the smell and sight of smoke floating around the bar. The space filled with bodies, but mostly men. Who seemed to notice Kathy and you, as you crossed the room to the tables at the back, you were surprised to have your behind slapped and grabbed. Of course Kathy said that was normal for these animals. She said to just ignore it as best you could. That was the worst they’d do, otherwise Johnny would have words with them. You figured this Johnny had to be high up or the head of the club.

Soon you both were joined by other Vandal women, which even brought you both beers. They were Betty, Gale and Debbie. They were warm in welcoming you, and had a blunt kindness to them. Just like how it had been with Kathy, you found them refreshing. A comfortable conversation surrounded the five of you. Each woman telling you an outrageous, yet true story. You were laughing and having a fun in no time with them.

You sat back, taking a moment to look around the bar as you took a sip from the bottle. The pool table caught your attention, and the group of men huddled around it in conversation and a game. You saw Benny for the first time standing with Cal, deep in conversation and taking a drag of his cigarette. His messy blonde locks catching every so often in the low light. He was pretty but rugged, like James Dean but with more facial hair. His muscular arms on display as the sleeves of his t-shirt were rolled up. He oozed sex appeal without trying.

It was stupid to stare at Mr Good-looking, but how couldn’t you? That was when you noticed the other women near him, doing exactly what you were doing, ogling at him. You didn’t stand a chance against most of them. They were thin and pretty. You couldn’t compete against them.

“Um, bathroom?” You asked, feeling the need to escape. Even for a few minutes.

Kathy gave you a look, which you just smiled at her, before she pointed towards the back. “Just past the bar, down the hall".

Nodding your head you got up and made your way to the women’s restroom. Once away from the people and majority of the noise, you took a few deep breathes. Settling your fast beating heart. Sometimes taking a moment is all you need to quiet your head. Looking over yourself, taking in the casual beehive do Kathy did for you. Paired with your light make up, you fixed your lipstick before straightening out the sleeveless button up shirt you were wearing. Along with dark jeans and flats, Kathy’s suggestion so that you’d fit in better. Though you wished you’d wore a dress, which would hide your body better.

But when Kathy said you looked perfect, you believed her. That woman always said the honest truth, even if it hurt. Exiting the restroom you straightened up before heading back to your table. You put on a smile as you took your seat. Questioning what you’d missed. Like those insecurities of yours never arose.

What you had missed was the moment Benny had seen you, walking back to your table. He was lining up his shot when you came into view. At first, he had seen your (colour) hair and beautiful face, before he noticed your body. Your curves were all he could look at. Your waist smaller which lead to your shapely hips and thick thighs. You had a womanly body that most men craved. And Benny was no different. When you smiled, he almost accidentally took his shot, but was able to stop himself. Fixing himself, Benny took the shot, sinking a ball and then moved to his next shot. All the while taking glances at you, the one he now had his sights on.

Benny had to play the game out. But he made sure to keep an eye on you. He watched how you drank your beer, how you laughed and smiled. You looked so sweet. But he chalked that up to this being your first time at Grand and Division. Kathy had told him about her roommate, that you were a nurse. How considerate and kind you were to her. As well as the ideal roommate. But not once did Kathy mention your heavenly body. The moment the game was over, Benny was off to introduce himself to you.

Kathy and Betty saw him before any of the other women. When he dropped into a backwards seat next to you, his arms crossing over the back of the seat, his stormy blue eyes were on you, and only you. And you were surprised to see Benny beside you. The way he smiled at you could have had you a gooey mess on the floor. But you kept it together, as best you could.

“Hey" came his gruff, deep voice. “I'm Benny".

You blinked a few times, trying to wrap your head around this gorgeous man sitting next to you and staring at you. “H-hi...”

The women around you all shared an amused look. Accompanied by a small laugh. “This is (Y/N), my roommate" Kathy informed for you.

Your face flushed as you turned to look at Kathy, who wore a smirk on her lips. She found your lack of words funny. As you generally never have an issue talking. But I guess put a good-looking man in front of you, and you are like the rest of the women who get tongue tied. Benny then noticed the other women, giving them a greeting. Yet his eyes landed back on you. He knew that the women around you knew why he was here. When he saw something, he liked, Benny would always come around.

Yet, you seemed nervous. And opting to look at the other women or your beer. Benny chalked it up to being shy. But really it was your self-doubt. Such as, why would Benny be interested in you? No man openly wants someone like you. Despite your attempts to not look at him, you kept taking little glances. Which Benny noticed, and would smile at. He even began to strike up a conversation with you, with the help of Kathy.

She had seen it coming. Kathy had seen the way Benny looked at you when he approached the table. And she was all for this pairing, so long as he didn’t hurt you. Kathy didn’t want to lose the best roommate she’s had, nor a dear friend who was like a sister. Plus she knew you needed someone. Benny could be that someone. He might look rough, but he had a good heart and cared about those close to him. You would be in safe hands.

“Wait" you piped up during Kathy telling you about Benny's recent run in with the law. “You’re the Benjamin Cross that caused the police chase through town!?” You were so surprised.

Benny smirked, “yeah".

You sat back in your chair, eyes locked with his. “Do you know how crazy that was? It was all the nurses were talking about for days!”

He chuckled. “Yeah”.

“Don’t be fooled by his bad boy nature" commented Kathy with a laugh. “Benny’s one of the good ones. He just can’t think right sometimes".

The other women laughed, but agreed he was a decent guy. Soon both Betty and Gale excused themselves, their partners were beckoning them over. And then Debbie left to see a few other girls nearby. Leaving just the three of you. With less people you felt more self-conscious. But you pushed through it. When you and Kathy had finished your beers, Benny offered to get the next round. Reluctantly leaving you to do so. As soon as he was gone you turned to Kathy with a worried face.

“What is he doing?” You quietly asked her.

She smiled. “What do ya think? He’s flirtin’ with you!”

You shook your head. “No, that can’t be. Men as good-looking as Benny, don’t go for women like me!”

Your roommate blinked, not believing the words that came out of your mouth. “Like you? (Y/N), you are gorgeous. Any man would be a lucky bustard to get you! And Benny, he knows what he likes. He will always go for it".

You didn’t believe her. How could you? Your track record said otherwise. You sighed. “Kathy, men might want me...but they don’t always want to be seen with me”.

Reaching over, Kathy squeezed your hand. “Trust me. Benny ain’t like the idiots you’ve dated. In fact, the Vandal men aren’t like those idiots. A man will always want to be seen with his woman, trust me".

With one final squeeze, Kathy withdrew her hand. While you were left with some hope, choosing to believe her. Even just a little bit. To be fair, when you entered the bar, you were groped and slapped on the behind, as well as the many looks you got. Maybe there was some truth to her words. These men were rough but they were just that; men. Sure many looked like they needed a good scrub, or had belly’s, they were a stark contrast to the squares and pretty boys you’ve dated.

Benny returned with beers, which he handed to both you and Kathy. You both thanked him, which he waved off. He sat next to you still, those blues of his still on you, while a thousand-watt smile crossed his full lips. The three of you continued to talk, many stories being told by Kathy of Benny and the Vandals. You were amused and laughed at some of the funnier and outrageous things that had happened. Benny defending parts of her stories. You could see their friendship in this moment, and it was nice. Being included felt good.

The night wore on, and the spark between you and Benny seemed to grow. He was so fixed on you, that you couldn’t believe how he ignored the other women around you both. Kathy’s words stuck with you, and you started to really believe in them. Benny moved his arm to rest on the back of your chair as he looked back to both Johnny and Brucie. It looked like they were silently communicating to each other, before he turned back to you with a smile.

“Looks like it’s time" he said with a bright smile.

“Time for what?” You questioned in confusion.

Benny didn’t say a word, just got up and went over to the two men. Leaving you even more confused, you looked to Kathy. She shrugged, not sure herself it seemed. Soon Vandals started to make their way out of the bar, women following with laughter and giddiness. That was when Kathy understood, she got up with her bag before telling you to follow.

“What’s going on Kathy?” You asked crossing the room.

She smiled. “They’re goin' on a ride".

You didn’t fully grasp her answer, but remained quiet and just followed. Exiting the bar you watched as the men took to their bikes, women getting on behind them. You saw Brucie and Gale get on his bike, they looked so comfortable and at ease. Then Johnny and Betty exited the bar, Benny along with them. Johnny looked to you and Kathy, saying something to Benny before leading Betty over to his bike. Benny then found you, watching you as he walked over.

He stopped before you, a small smile on his lips. “Come on sweetheart, let’s go for a ride".

Your heart skipped a beat at the nickname. Before reality sat in, and your insecurities came forth. You on the back of Benny's bike. You with him. You weren’t built to be on a bike. You stepped back from Benny, an awkward laugh leaving your lips while shaking your head.

“O-oh, that’s alright. I’m good” you managed to get out. “You should take Kathy. I’ll just get a cab home".

The smile dropped from his face, Benny's eyes drawing in on you. That was the first time he saw a flash of your self-doubt. And he didn’t like it. You had just as much right to be on the back of his bike, just like any woman. You were perfect in every way. Stepping forward, Benny grabbed your hand and began to pull you towards his bike, but you dug your feet down. Which stopped him. Kathy was doing everything to tell you to go, you’d be fine. But you weren’t sure of it.

Benny moved to stand before you again, never letting go of your hand. “What is it sweetheart? What’s stoppin' ya from riding with me?”

The way he looked at you, eyes honest and pleading. It almost had you tripping over your words, but you managed to quietly say, “wouldn’t I be too heavy for the bike? Wouldn’t I effect the ride?”

Benny couldn’t believe his ears. He figured you were self-conscious but this was more then he thought. Whoever did this to you deserved a serious beating, and he’d gladly put his hand up to do it. Squeezing your hand, Benny leant closer to you, never breaking eye contact.

“Sweetheart, hear me when I say this" he paused, making sure you were indeed listening. “You are perfect the way you are. Leave the bike to me, I want you and your arousing body on my bike. Up against me”. His tone was low and raspy, like Benny was holding himself back.

You blushed, your cheeks feeling warm at his blunt admission. Which no man had ever done before, not like Benny anyways. When you remained silent, he once more began to pull you towards his bike. And this time you let him lead you. Looking back you noticed Kathy wasn’t there, no doubt slipped away while you were caught up with Benny. You did eventually see her on the back of another Vandals bike, and she gave you a bright smile.

Upon reaching his bike, Benny let go of your hand before swinging his leg over the bike. He made quick work of starting it up, the roar of it coming to life made you jump, not expecting such a loud noise. Once ready, Benny looked to you, offering his hand. You hesitated a moment, before throwing caution and those damn insecurities to the wind. As soon as your hand touched his did Benny grasp it firmly, his way of saying he’s got you. You swung your leg over before resting behind him. There were cheers and hollering coming from around you. Other Vandals had been watching you both, enthusiastic about Benny's girl.

“Better wrap your arms around me, baby" Benny said with a gentle tone. “Don’t want nothin' happening to you".

Slowly you moved your hands to his waist, before sliding them around to rest against his toned stomach. Benny had to hold back the groan that rose in his throat. Just the feel of your hands against his clothed body was driving him crazy. He moved one of his hands back and grabbed your thigh firmly, he needed a moment to ground himself but he’s been wanting to do that all night. His touch seemed to relax you, and you moved closer. Front pressed against Benny's back. Which didn’t help him any more than before.

“You’ll be the death of me" he muttered to himself.

Pulling away from the curb, Benny followed Jonny with Brucie beside him. Gale shot you an enthusiastic smile and a chuckle. You only blushed more, even moving to press your face into Benny’s back. The denim of his colours rough against your face. But you still found yourself smiling. Picking up speed the group of bikes made their way through town, before hitting the expressway.

You pulled back when you entered the expressway. Looking around and behind you, you were amazed by all the Vandals and their bikes. The awe and amazement hit you in such a great way. The wind in your hair, and Benny's body, felt so good, so freeing. Riding around felt freeing. For it was something you never thought you’d do, and wouldn’t have done if Benny hadn’t been so determined.

The ride felt like forever. And you wouldn’t mind if it never ended. Enjoying the moments with the Vandals and Benny. How he took care of you. His gloved hand reaching back to grab your thigh from time to time, which only made your stomach flip. But it had to come to an end though. Separating from the group, Benny began the journey back to your house. The streets were quiet, the noise of his bike filling it nicely.

Pulling up out the front of your shared house, he cut the engine before putting down the kickstand. Of course he helped you off first, before following suit. Silently you looked at the other. You looked at him in curiosity, while Benny looked like he wanted pull you in close. But he was behaving himself, for now.

“W-well...thanks for that" you said breaking the silence. “And thanks for bringing me home...”

Looking down and then back up, a small smile on Benny’s face he said, “no problem sweetheart. With me, I’d always take care of you".

Your cheeks heated at the double meaning to those words. And the smirk to take over Benny’s face told you he knew it too. He stepped closer, moving some stray hairs from your face. His hand slipping to hold your chin gently. Then Benny leant in, his lips coming in contact with your own. His kiss was soft, closed lipped, just to get a taste. You of course were shocked and surprised, unsure what to do. Pulling back, Benny looked you into the eyes, silently hoping he could do that again.

You didn’t pull away or say a word, your eyes told him all he needed. Leaning back in, Benny’s lips collided with yours again. This time he pressed harder, hand moving to hold your neck. You closed your eyes, taking in this moment, the start of something. Benny’s free hand moved to your waist, pulling you closer. His tongue moving along your bottom lip. Without a thought in your brain, you opened your mouth. His tongue darting in, mapping out its new territory. Your tongues met, caressing the other, all the while Benny held onto you.

Finally he pulled back, you both breathing heavy while taking in oxygen. Slowly your eyes opened, brain trying to process what just happened, and why did it feel so good. Benny watched you, gaging your response to the kiss. His thumb caressing the skin of your neck, hoping to keep this soothed side of you. When you met his gaze, he could see this blank yet content look in your eyes. Which was better than panic or anger. One step closer to the bigger picture, you being his girl. And you would be his, he knew it. Even if he had to fight those insecurities of yours.

[reasonsforhope]

[Warning: Graphic (some very graphic) shark-fishing pictures at the link.]

"Suhardi isn’t your average snorkeling guide. Born on the Indonesian island of Lombok, he’s spent his life on water. While he now seeks out sharks for the enjoyment of tourists, he once hunted sharks to help earn money to feed his family and educate his two children.

Suhardi was a fisherman for more than 20 years. He first started fishing working on his parents’ boat, but was then asked to join the crew of a shark boat where he was told he could earn a lot of money. Back on deck, he looks embarrassed to divulge what a meager wage it was, but finally confesses he earned around $50 for up to a month at sea.

Now he and 12 other former shark fishermen are part of The Dorsal Effect, an ecotourism company that helps ex-shark hunters find a new vocation. Each week, the team takes groups of tourists, schoolchildren and university students to off-the-grid locations and guides them around pristine reefs. Each trip is designed to take guests on an exploratory journey of both the shark trade and marine conservation through the eyes of the Sasak people of Lombok.

Lombok is a hotspot for marine diversity, sitting just east of the Wallace Line, a biogeographical boundary separating Asia and Australia and their respective fauna. Pristine coral gardens and around 80 species of sharks can be found in its waters. The island is also part of the world’s largest shark-fishing nation. Only the whale shark (Rhincondon typus) is protected in Indonesia; all other sharks can be legally caught.

The Dorsal Effect first launched in 2013, a year after Suhardi met Singaporean ecologist Kathy Xu, who had traveled to Lombok to find out more about the shark trade. The diminutive but quietly determined Xu wanted to protect sharks, but because she knew shark fishing was poorly paid and dangerous, she wanted to hear the fishermen’s stories too. They told her how once they could fish for sharks close to shore, but now with the shark population dropping, the fishermen said they needed to travel farther out to sea, only to come home with a relatively poor catch. The reduced catch also meant reduced pay, so they often couldn’t cover their costs...

Yet, when Xu asked why fishers didn’t seek out another trade, she learned they didn’t want to be separated from the sea. They saw it as part of their heritage.

But as they spoke longer, the shark fishermen talked about the coral gardens that could be found under the waves, ones that only they knew about. Inspired by a whale shark diving trip she’d taken with scientists on the Great Barrier Reef, Xu had an idea. “If such spots exist,” she recalls telling the fishers, “I could take tourists out with you and pay you more than you earned shark fishing”.

At first, Xu guided the former shark fishermen on how to become eco-friendly tour operators. They dropped anchor away from the reef, served guests plant-based dishes, and made sure all trash was taken back to shore. But then Xu saw that something special was happening: The former fishermen had started to take the guest experience into their own hands, making sure tourists felt at home. Suhardi painted “Welcome” in large letters over the front of his boat, fitted green baize to the top deck for outdoor seating, and hung curtains in the cabin so his guests could enjoy some shade.

Suhardi has already bought a new boat with his earnings from snorkeling trips. “Every day is my best day,” laughs Suhardi, whose smile always travels from his mouth to his eyes.

While they were receiving tourists from across the globe, there was another group that Xu wanted to reach out to. “I think it was the teacher in me who felt impassioned about influencing the young,” she says. She reached out to schools and created a five-day program that would help students understand the shark trade and local conservation efforts. During the program, paid for by the school and students, participants would not only meet the ex-shark fishermen so they could ask them about their lives, but also hear from NGOs such as the Wildlife Conservation Society about their efforts to slow the trade. The Dorsal Effect also hired marine biologists to host nightly lectures and help the students with their field surveys...

The students were faced with the realities of the fishing trade, but they were also encouraged to take a balanced view by The Dorsal Effect team. The villagers weren’t just taking the fins, and throwing away the rest of the shark; they processed every piece of the animal. While they did sell the meat and fins to buyers at the market, they also sold the teeth to jewelers, and the remains for pet food.

The Dorsal Effect also takes students on an excursion to the fishermen’s village, a small island that lies off the coast of Lombok. Marine biologist Bryan Ng Sai Lin, who was hired by The Dorsal Effect team, says that on one trip with students he was surprised by how quickly the young people understood the situation. “One of them said it’s good to think about conservation, but at the same time these people don’t really have any other choice,” Lin says....

Conservation scientist Hollie Booth of Save Our Seas, which does not work directly with The Dorsal Effect, says the need to provide legal profitable alternatives to shark fishing is critical: “We are never going to solve biodiversity and environment issues unless we think about incentives and take local people’s needs into account. These kinds of programs are really important.”"

-via Mongabay, December 15, 2023

[bellesdreamyprofile]

benny & y/n : coming home (part 6)

Martha told Kathy about Felicia's actions. Kathy told Johnny and Johnny let his men deal with her. There were no news about her current situation, but the talk of town was that she moved back to her loving husband in Ohio. She had to promise to never come back to Chicago again or she would have to deal with their rage and other bullshit threats they showed her way. Felicia made peace with it, sincerely looking forward to seeing her Ohio-based husband. 

Everybody knew that if the news were to reach Benny, Felicia's life would be inexistent. Benny only found out about what she had done once Felicia was gone. Kathy was furious about her friend's actions, though she still wanted to remind him that her actions were blinded by jealousy and love.

"So what, she was in love with me? Ain't the first girl to feel that way.", Kathy huffed and rolled her eyes. Her arms were crossed on her chest as they were waiting for your last check-ups.

"The guy was hitting on Y/N because she was jealous of you being with her. Felicia has been drooling over you for months.", Benny's brows shot to his forehead in distaste.

"Y/N was attacked. She wasn't hit on. That guy deserves hell and quite frankly so does Alisha—"

"Felicia.", Kathy corrected him, but Benny simply shook his head and pulled out his packet of cigarettes.

He stood up and brought the relief closer to his lips. "I know Johnny is on this too.", he said mindlessly and glanced at you through the blinds. He noticed you smiling softly at the nurse, his own little smile almost making an appearance on his lips. "What matters now is that Y/N recovers and when's time for justice... Justice will be served.", Benny glanced Kathy's way and then wandered off. 

Kathy let out a deep breath - unaware she was holding it back as Benny had delivered his little monologue - and closed her eyes, her back relaxing against the chair. There was no way of telling what would happen next. Would the group of friends grow apart? Would you and Benny be okay again? There was no way of telling.

Benny's touch never left you, once the doctors stated it was safe to go home. His rough fingers delicately grazed your hand or your arm. His arm wrapped around your shoulders or your waist - almost as if he was afraid you would faint in his arms.

Your little smiles showed him you were fine, that your head didn't hurt. But the blotches on your skin told another story. Blue eyes didn't dare to look at you for too long - he almost wished you were mad at him. He almost wished you threw a tantrum and kicked him away. But your kind eyes only showed forgiveness and gratitude. How could someone be as pure as this? How could someone look at him with so much love, despite him leading you to the lion's den?

He cleared his throat and opened the door to your house, moving aside so you could walk in first. Benny heard you breathe in the familiar scent in the air.

"Home sweet home.", his lips twitched into a smile at your innocent reaction. "Oh, just leave the bag by the couch. I'll unpack it later.", Benny did as he was told and set the bag on the floor. He looked around the living room and frowned, not finding you there. He didn't hear you going upstairs, so he wondered if your homely kitchen was your hiding place.

"These are incredible, Benny.", and sure enough you were there in your safe space, munching on a muffin he baked for you and for you only. You swore Benny's cheeks were tinted a little pink color, but he cleared his throat and looked away.

"Thanks bee.", it was your turn to blush at the little nickname. You were genuinely amazed by the baked good, but it was no surprise at the same time, since Benny had tirelessly baked to achieve the perfect, fluffy, chocolatey and moist muffin. He had been stress baking, as they say.

He sat on the chair beside yours and sighed, pulling out a lone cigarette and lighting it hastily. Your gaze was fixated on him long enough to figure out the gnawing feeling written all over his face. His shoulders were tense, his eyes were fixed on the table and each breath he took seemed like a burden.

"Are you okay, Benny?", your voice rang in the room. His brows lifted as he slowly nodded his head, still refusing to meet your gaze. You sighed, secretly wondering if you were the burden he tried to ease with every puff of smoke. With hesitation masking your face, your hand reached out to his, but almost like a reflex, Benny pulled his hand under the table.

Your heart skipped a beat at his action as Benny cleared his throat.

"You're not okay.", you said in a soft tone. Your accusatory statement made him finally look your way. "Maybe you're just having a bad day, I-I don't know, but...", a sigh left your lips and your eyes moved down to the table.

"You think I have it easy? You thought that once you're home that everything would go back to normal?", Benny asked, making you realize that that was the most he had spoken to you today. You confronted his challenging gaze.

"Honestly? Yes, Benny. I thought that coming home would fix everything.", you hissed at him, matching his tone. "Why are you in such a—"

He interrupted you immediately. "Why I'm in such a mood? Do you even know what happened to your friend Alisha—"

"Felicia.", you corrected him with a sigh.

"Whatever her goddamn name is.", he snapped. "Your friend sent a man to have his way with you. Because of me. How do you think that makes me feel?"

Your eyes widened and your lips parted. "How that makes you feel? What about me? Were you the one that got beaten up by a drunk stranger or was it me, Benny?!", you slammed your palm on the table.

"There it fucking is! Don't you get it? It's me! I'm the fucking problem!", it was his turn to slam both of his hands against the hard wood, the action making you flinch. He used his hands as a leverage to stand up, his eyes now gone from your face.

Your facial muscles softened at the depth of his words. He still blamed himself for what happened at the bonfire. Despite your reassuring words at the hospital, he was still convinced that the bruises on your body were his doing.

"Benny...", you slowly stood up and approached him, but he looked away. "You already know how I feel about this—"

"Yeah, but how do I feel, Y/N?", his blue eyes held sadness, a sadness you desperately wanted to take away from him. But you couldn't. He had to make peace with himself. "Every time I look at you... I think of that night... The way you lied there and...", Benny's gaze lowered, his head shaking at the painful memories. 

"It's all my fault. I-I know you keep saying it ain't, but baby... You had blood on you and—", at the sound of his voice cracking, your arms pulled his warm body against yours. Your hand instinctively brought his head to your neck as little sniffles left his lips. You blinked your own tears away, feeling touched by his vulnerability and care. You had never had anybody actually show their care and love to you. Benny had his own ways of showing his emotions, but he showed them nonetheless. 

That first encounter at the Lakeside Inn was no coincidence - it was meant to be. His arms wrapping around you made you realize that. Even the picnic, the flowers in your hair and the coffee at the library were no mistake by the universe. It all brought storm and grace to you in its own way. It brought Benny closer to you.

"I-I love you and— If you had died—", Benny's words died in the crook of your neck, but your heart still skipped a beat at his revelation. You let him cry it out and then pulled back, your hands on his cheeks.

"I'm sorry for being insensitive, honey.", you said softly. "I didn't realize you feel so deeply, Benny. That is a beautiful, beautiful trait to have.", his cheeks were tinted a pale shade of pink and his eyes shifted away, unable to hold your piercing gaze. "But you need to understand that that man was not your fault. Felicia was not your fault. These bruises were not your fault.", you brushed your thumb on his cheek.

"Even if everything was your fault... I wouldn't love you any less."

Benny's eyes moved on you again. "You love me?", his little voice made you smile and nod.

"Who wouldn't love a honey like this? My protector, my love, my baker.", he chuckled and looked away, his face finding the comfort of your neck again.

"I love you.", he repeated once again. A smile tugged on your lips as you caressed his soft hair. Your eyes closed as you recalled all the memories you created with this man. A bigger smile formed at the memories you were going to make next.

Especially the ones after he asked you to marry him an hour later.

A/N: benny being a little honeybee is my favorite. part 7 with the wedding?

MASTERLIST PART 7

austin butler digital 2025 calendar

Taglist: @leonesimp @cwallace02sblog @alexa4040 @notaceventura @wonderland2425 @thefastclownprince @ughdontbeboring

[gonkaccino]

Season 4 hope/prediction: Deb's show is solid, zero issues, runs flawlessly with great ratings, but her personal life is completely eroding. We start with her discovering Marcus is leaving, and it culminates in DJ going into labor right before a taping. Deb chooses the show. When it's over, and she finally flies to Vegas, it's too late -- Aiden's not letting her in because he loves his wife too much to let DJ get into a shouting match with her mom right after giving birth, and instead takes the brunt of Deb's wrath, with her making excuses and talking about how they used her money for IVF, and anyway, DJ's fine, so who cares if she wasn't there? Kathy's in the room with DJ and the baby (DJ's the closest she has to a daughter, after all) and Deb leaves too furious to think about how badly she's hurt her family.

She heads back to her Vegas mansion -- empty, obviously, Josefina and the dogs would be in LA -- and pops open a bottle of wine. Alone. Completely alone. Can't call Marty, she has no friends, the closest she's got would be Kiki and wouldn't that be embarrassing, calling your poker dealer to talk about your feelings --

and then Ava's there. She got the news about DJ's labor, she got the story from Aiden (who was distraught, by the way, man's too much of a sweetheart for Vance drama), a spare key from Damian (happy to pawn that off on her, though if it isn't returned promptly he's taking legal action) and has arrived just in time to see the Deborah Vance having a breakdown the likes of which no one thought physically possible. Crying gives you wrinkles, you know. But Ava has to be here. She's the physical embodiment of a lesson Deb never truly learned: you don't have to like someone to love them.

In my imaginary fantasy land that I am concocting this would then subsequently lead into them fucking nasty but I understand that this may be a step too far for the surprisingly large number of very normal people who watch this show and would forgive JPL for not taking it that far. However I do believe they should fuck about it and let Ava take the reigns in their relationship while they see how many of Deb's bridges they can un-burn.

[semperamans]

I read your writing for Johnny I’m FERAL i saw that your on a trip hope your having the best time I understand if this isn’t written asap🫶🏽 but I had an idea for ( jealous) johnny

So you’ve always been around the outlaws not major close but there, then your friend kathy starts dating benny and you slot in with them permanently it’s no secret to anyone that your stunning like the girl on the block that everyone wants type of thing but a sweet heart

Johnny always admired from afar ( maybe you have a secret soft spot for him as well, you both steal glances etc like you know that one person you naturally gravitate toward when in a group of people) but he never made any moves

But then word on the street you’ve finally said yes to a date with someone maybe not a biker but a mechanical (idk) and Johnny overhears the boys speaking about it and he’s like wtf

And v stupid on your part you thought after your date you’d bring him to the bar with everyone and it would be good vibes lol definitely not the only vibes are rude unhappy and jealous Johnny ( everyone’s just sat watching the tension like it’s a movie 😭) maybe he makes your date leave idk

I hope this isn’t too much 🫶🏽

kinda ran with this!

(reader is younger than johnny! slightly nsfw! violence!)

johnny's momma made him go to church on sundays when he was a youngin' and boy he hated it. jus' didn't make any sense to him - believin' in something he couldn't see (and wearin' those ridiculous clothes) - so the minute he turned old enough to make his own decisions he was outta there. i mean, he hasn't seen the inside of a church since he n'betty got hitched years ago - but the strangest damn thing happened to him the other night. he saw a goddamn angel in the flesh and it changed his entire life.

september 1965

johnny always hated the soaps betty watched. fuckin' unrealistic, y'know? s'much as he missed betty, he was glad when she up and left and took the fuckin' antennas with her. time didn't stop whenever ya saw someone attractive. i mean, there was no dreamy music or fuckin' swirlin' sparkles. but then you stumbled into the clubhouse with your sweet smile and long painted nails and swishy dress and johnny was spellbound because what the fuck? he'd never seen you before - that much he knew. if he had seen you 'round prior to this night he woulda called his momma and apologized for not believin' her all these years. a fuckin' angel amongst all these sinners - who woulda thought? you were just so young n'precious; smilin' brightly next to a laughin' kathy. johnny couldn't help but stare n'he tried not to make it obvious, y'know, but who could blame 'em? then you spoke to him. turned your head just so and gave him a little wave and a "hello" that made his heart squeeze and his cock twitch and he knew he was destined to be fucked for the rest of his miserable life.

your big ole eyes lit up when he introduced himself. he gave you the spiel: his name, that he's the president of this rag-tag group of fuckin' bozos, n'like with kathy he made the promise that he wouldn't let nothin' happen to ya. he said it to kathy outta due diligence, y'know? i mean, she looked mortified when she stumbled in through the doors lookin' for dingy - but you? you weren't at all off-put by cockroach's stories or wahoo's slurred speech. you just giggled n'shook your head, wrapping your pink lips around a bottle of pop. maybe you were just too young and naive to realize the relative danger of bein' there, johnny thought. i mean, you were just this sweet girl who fluttered her lashes and saw the good in everyone an' so johnny told himself to let it go. to knock it off. that you were too young. too pure. too angelic. but, well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?

october 1965

"well, look at you," each word that dripped from johnny's mouth had been submerged in lust and coated with longing and he wanted to kick his own fucking ass but you beamed at 'em. you had spearheaded the idea to have a costume party on halloween n'of course all the guys voted yes at the meetin'. it was fuckin' cold that night, but it hadn't stopped wahoo and corky from rippin' their shirts n'jeans an' stealin' cal's earrings to look like pirates. cockroach's wife had affixed long, cloth-wrapped wires to his back so he could resemble his namesake n'sonny'd even found a rubber clown mask that zipco fuckin' hated. then there was you. you - of course - were an angel. it felt like a cruel fuckin' joke when johnny saw ya stumblin' through the door in heels that were a bit too tall of ya. you were a vision of white and wings and feathers and he was so unbelievably in love with you it made him sick. "g'head n'gimmie a twirl, peach. lemme look at ya."

so you did and you always did exactly what johnny said which was something he both hated and adored. you were always so good to 'em. whenever you'd come in with kathy you'd slide a chair right next to him and he'd fuckin' burn whenever your leg kissed his. he felt like a goddamn 16-year-old gettin' hard at the attention you bestowed upon 'em, but he couldn't help it. couldn't help that it made his heart soar when you propped your elbows on the table n'leaned in closer to hear over the crooning music. and it would be so easy to use that power for evil, y'know? to tell ya that he had a hard day n'just needed some lovin' and he knows you'd give it to 'em. such an affectionate girl you were, always huggin' on everyone n'stumblin' into his arms when you had a bit too much to drink. he'd felt your lips against his ear as you whispered drunken secrets to 'em but he'd never felt them on his own and he wanted to. he really fuckin' wanted to kiss you.

"well, what do ya think?"

you didn't seem phased that he had been staring. y'just stood there with a little smile n'your hands slightly outstretched like ya might actually use those wings to fly off. how was johnny to not eat you alive?

"think you look perfect. jus' like the real thing."

because you were.

after knowin' you for a month johnny was certain his initial reaction toward ya hadn't been an exaggeration. you were a goddamn angel - costume or not. at his high praises, you smiled even bigger. he loved your smile. then you were fluttering off to find benny n'kathy to show 'em your pretty wings and all johnny could think about as you high-fived and waved to everyone was how you'd so quickly grown to be an integral part of the group. a room felt empty without your robust laughter n'when you weren't around johnny was wishin' you were. you prettied up the place - prettied up johnny's life - n'maybe god had forgiven him for all the bad shit he'd done in life. i mean, why else would he have given johnny a gift? given johnny you.

but you weren't his.

you were never gonna be his.

and johnny accepts that.

kind of.

january 1966

he doesn't.

johnny doesn't know her name - doesn't care - because she wears the same perfume you do an' with his eyes closed he can almost imagine that it's you under him n'not some random from down the street. you're the one takin' him so well n'tellin' him how good it feels, not her. not this girl who means nothing to him. johnny even moans your name, rookie fuckin' mistake, n'the woman smacks him, which is deserved n'the second she tugs up her dress and leaves johnny is like a wild animal; fuckin' his fist, n'shoving his face into the pillow to chase the fleeting scent of you you you.

februrary 1966

he's ruined.

his thoughts are of you - only you - and they've grown progressively worse. he wants to marry you, to wake up to your sweet smile, to make you a momma, but fuck he can't. you're still so sweet n'young and you have no idea what the real world is like and he wants to ruin your life but he can't. he promised nothin' would happen to you n'he doesn't break promises even if it breaks his fucking heart.

the next time he sees you is at the family picnic. you've got a scarf in your hair n'you're so happy to see him - he knows by the way your face lights up n'you come skippin' over - but then he's shrugging off your hug and goddamn your sorrowful little pout almost breaks him, but he stays on course. when you come to stand by him at the fire, he moves. he doesn't let you sit on his lap when you all settle in and refuses when you ask him to toast your marshmallow and you're so confused. you don't know what you did; how you made him angry n'why he wants nothin' to do with you anymore.

he won't even acknowledge you when you paw at his arm and whisper his name. he stays locked in conversation with wahoo and corky who seem just as confused as you are, but they say nothing.

nothing.

maybe that's all this was after all.

march 1966

johnny doesn't pick up when you call.

he swore he always would, but he doesn't.

april 1966

"oh yeah! she's gotta man now!" kathy says nonchalantly like she didn't just ruin johnny's life. the room feels too hot. what did dingy say? he didn't hear over the ringin' in his fuckin' ears.

"it's that, uh, robbie fella. y'know, the one who works in sharky's garage? yeah, apparently they hit it off n'ya know, now they're goin' steady." kathy's words lodge deep in johnny's brain the way a fuckin' bullet would n'his heart is falin' out of his ass and okay, maybe he wasn't so good at hiding his feelings because benny n'brucie turn to look at him, but he's fine. yeah. no. he's totally fine. he knew this would happen, knew that you would go on about your life. it's what you deserve. nice guy, close in age. yeah. that's fine.

he definitely doesn't punch a hole in the wall picturin' robbie's face.

july 1966

"well, look at you."

johnny's got his back turned, so he isn't sure who sonny is talkin' about til he peers over his shoulder n'almost falls outta his seat. he's too drunk for this, so drunk he's seeing angels because there you are and oh, you look so pretty. how long has it been since he's seen ya? couple of months? my god, you've gotten prettier, somehow. hair is longer now and your eyes actually look happy. you give hugs, avoid johnny, n'then gesture over toward the door where that no good, low down robbie stands.

in truth, robbie's a good kid. all the guys know 'em. i mean, he can't ride - johnny isn't even sure he could hold up a goddamn bike with those scrawny legs - but he knows his way inside and out 'round a bike. the man's brain is like a fuckin' robot n'so of course he gets along with cal and johnny doesn't know why he feels so betrayed when all the guys go stumblin' over to greet the fuckin' traitor. you stay right where you are, though. lookin' over at johnny with unspoken words lodged in your throat. there is so much you wanna say to him, but all you manage is a choked

"hi,"

"get 'em outta here."

your eyebrows furrow, frown etching onto your mouth as you shift your weight from one foot to the next.

"why?"

"because this is my bar n'i wan' 'em gone."

"he hasn't done nothin' to you!"

oh but he has because what's that glintin' on your finger? johnny rises from his seat so quickly he damn near loses his balance, but he regains it quick enough to snatch your hand n'sure enough...

johnny has no right to be upset. i mean, you were never his to begin with, right? but his fucking heart is in pieces all over the floor just like the beer bottle he busts over robbie's head n'there is fuckin' chaos. it takes benny, brucie, and whaoo to pull johnny off robbie. the poor guy hasn't done nothin' wrong; just gave you the life johnny always wanted. like, now, as johnny pants n'winces as kathy cleans up his knuckles, robbie's got your face cradled in his palm. he's kissin' your cheeks and rubbin' his hand down your arm and... pressin' it to your stomach.

johnny never believed much in religion, but he prays that there is some kind of god because he's going to need some forgiveness before the night is through.

[kakiastro]

Mc Persona Chart + Public Image

Persona chart- its a birth chart within a birth chart. Every single planet & asteroid has their own separate story. It gives you a better detail of how a certain plays out for you.

*Your bedroom is the placement but what’s in your bedroom and your aesthetic is your persona chart.

MC- rules over many things such as your career, authority figures such as your boss, but today we’re discussing how your persona chart can give you further details into this

Chart breakdown

Ascendant/1h

-this is the first thing people notice about you, it’s the first impression people make of you when they see you.

Ex. Aquarius Rising. May be seen as different, innovative and extroverted or introverted (depends)

Sun/5h

-how your personality is seen, what people think of your personality. Sun rules over how we shine in the world. This is how we show ourselves to the public.

Ex. Sun Aries 3h. Have a bold and fiery personality. Your words and how you say them get you noticed.

Moon/4h

-this is how people emotionally connect with you. Depending on sign, this is where you may or may not open up to people. This is also the area where you will keep certain things private about your self.

Ex. Pisces moon 8h. People may feel deeply spiritually connected to you emotionally. They may put you on a pedestal and project whatever they want to see

Mercury 3h/6h

- the nosey area of our charts😅 the area where people want to get to know you and communicate with you, this is how you communicate with people, this is also how people view your communication skills.

Ex. Natal Mercury Gemini 1h, you may be seen as a chatty Kathy and witty😅 but if we look at your Mc Persona chart and you have Mercury Aries 10h, we can see that you’re also very blunt and straight to the point type of person.

Mars 1h/8h

-what your actively known to be be doing by the public. This can show what and how your passions and motivations can be seen in public.

Ex. Mars Libra 4h can indicate someone being involved in womens rights.

Venus 2h/7h

-how we are loved and what people love us for. This is also how we display love publicly. If you’re well known or famous, this can show the type of partners you’re known to have

Ex. Venus Sagittarius 5h. People love your ideals/ philosophies and how you express them, you may be known to date foreigners or people that’s not from your culture. May date lots of entertainers

Jupiter 9h/12h

-how you are seen world wide. You don’t have to be famous for this. If you travel to Italy, Italians are going to have a different view of you then the people from Ghana. (Astrocartography plays a role in this) but that’s a different post for another day😅. Your religious beliefs, life philosophies, your blessings, are all shown here.

Ex: Jupiter Capricorn 7h, may be known to have traditional views on marriage, work with older people

Saturn 10h/11h

-the obstacles you face publicly. This is where you will face pushback. This can also indicate how you will be seen as you get older.

Ex. Saturn Aries 10h. Face career obstacles in early life. As you get older, you may get recognition and respect as being the first of something

Uranus 11h

- this is where unpredictable things happen to you publicly, one minute you’re loved and next you see you’re trending on twitter…err X or whatever it’s called now for some scandal😂 the complete opposite can happen, you made a tic toc not thinking much of it and boom! Next think you know, you wake to 10mil views and you’re famous. Uranus shakes shit up for better or worse.

Neptune 12h

- this is where you may be idolized, have people project all sorts of crazy things on you especially if it’s in one of your angular houses (1, 4, 7, 10) if you’re a creative then your abilities will be shown here. Spiritual gifts, healers are seen here as well.

Ex: Neptune Aquarius 8h. Some type of healer for a large group of people. Can be known for being into the occult practices such as astrology or tarot ect

Pluto 8h

-how our public image can change us for good or bad, it’s probably where we’re the most private about. If you have a following and prominent Pluto or Scorpio in your Mc chart then this can indicate having crazy obsessed fans.

Ex. Pluto Scorpio 1h. People are crazy about you but this can attract lots of haters so be careful.

I hope you all love this post and don’t forget to check out my other post on my pinned post.

I’m also available for readings, information on that is also on my pinned post. Holla at me!!

[smallgodseries]

Humans are such short-lived creatures.  Did you hear about Gerald?  Oh, yes, I did, his poor wife, she must be heartbroken.  They’re born and they die, all in the blinking of an eye, and for the divine, there’s no difference in the death of an infant and the death of a venerated elder.  Time has no meaning on the other side of the hourglass.

Oh, did you get the news about Carol?  Such a tragedy, she was so young, really, and that bulldozer wasn’t even supposed to be in her neighborhood.

Every human death is an inevitable tragedy, and someone will be heartbroken, always.  Even the grimmest of misers leaves someone lost to mourning.  And for all of that, some deaths are…different.  Some deaths fall under a different umbrella, one patterned in polka dots and smiley faces.

Some deaths are, to be blunt about it, absolutely hilarious.

Consider Gerald, devoured by hyenas.  It might not have been funny had he been a zookeeper or a zoologist, but as he was an accountant who had decided to become a tightrope walker in his middle age, and begun his new career by walking the thin rail of the hyena enclosure at the zoo, well…

Even his grieving widow had to see the humor, after she finished crying off her supposedly waterproof mascara, anyway.

Or consider Carol, bulldozed to death in her own apartment parking lot, an ending straight out of a children’s cartoon, flattened like a pancake.  Or Kathy, who fell through the floor of a medieval bathroom while on her once-in-a-lifetime trip to Scotland, only to discover that the castle employees had been using it for its original purpose.  She drowned in effluvia before she could be saved.

Or Charles, pecked to death by ducks, or Margery, or Michael, or…

Wherever a life ends with a giggle instead of a groan, he is there, scythe in hand, ready to close the book on their stories, however ridiculous or rugged they had been.

Because death is funny.  Not always, but often enough to be made manifest. Sometimes, anyway.

[only-lonely-star]

Fic request:

Twobits little sister gets mad at their mom and runs away from home and ends up getting lost and terrorized by some Soc kids after she wanders into their side of town. Darry is over there roofing when he spots her wandering all upset and scratched up amd immediately goes into protective mode? I feel Darry is good with kids and I just want to see that more please 🙏

❤️ stay gold

୨୧ ☁︎ Too Young ☁︎ ୨୧

~ Darrel Curtis, Two-Bit’s kid sister (PLATONIC) ~

This is NOT an ‘x Reader’ story.

Warnings - I feel like classifying this as angst is a better description, so there are obviously a few warnings. Mentions of drinking, running away from home, minor pain inflicted on a small child, manhandling, harassment.

Summary - Karol Matthews has had enough, her plan to run away from home not going as expected. Luckily for her, a brotherly figure comes to her aid.

Author’s Note - This one is a bit of a longer fic compared to the other ones I have posted, so sorry for the long wait! Other requests may take a few days since I am a bit behind. Besides that, I thank you so much for this request! I could totally see Darry becoming protective when it comes to defending someone so special to him. I hope you enjoy it, Stay Gold! 💞

Word Count - 2.6k.

࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐ •°. *࿐

(Quick A/N: I try to keep things as accurate as possible to both the book and movie combined. For appearances I go based on the movie since it's easier for me to imagine. BUT it is canon that Two-Bit has a little sister although she is unnamed. I felt like this story would run much smoother if it was in a complete third-person perspective, making this not an 'x reader' story.)

Karol Matthews sat perched atop the armrest of the sofa, her wide eyes filled with curiosity following Keith's every move. He paced around the kitchen, absolutely raiding it and chugging down a cold beer before taking a seat beside his kid sister.

Keith couldn't sit still for the life of him, always buzzing around or out and about with his friends. His leg bounced up and down, sipping on his drink. It was obvious to Karol he was about to venture off and get into some trouble - but their mother didn't mind much. She practically supported his troubling antics from time to time.

Karol tapped on his shoulder, preparing her tiny voice to engage in conversation with him. Keith was zoned out, his consciousness coming back to reality at the gentle tap. He turned his head to face hers, a small grin evident on his face. "What's up?" he posed, the soft tone in his voice typical for her to hear.

"Where are you going?" Karol asked, her voice soft and quiet. She adored Keith and found him to be the funniest person she knew. Even at six years old, the girl had a slight understanding of what exactly her brother would be getting involved in. Late-night drives, smoking and drinking with his buddies, maybe even going out to see a girl. She was aware of the different blonde girls he would bring home, him swearing it was the same person each time - Kathy. She wasn't stupid, she knew they were all different.

"Going out with Dally and some others," he replied simply, expecting a soft sigh and for her to head back to her bedroom. Instead, she smiled and tapped his shoulder again.

"Can I come?" Karol's sweet voice spoke up, her enticing smile attempting to draw him in.

"No," Keith said, taking his free hand to ruffle through her blonde wavy hair affectionately. He found it rather amusing that she wanted to tag along. He chuckled and took another large sip of his beer as Karol pouted and let out a huff.

"Why not?!" she protested, demanding a real answer from him. Karol loved Keith and would rather spend her day out and about with him instead of being stuck at home. She crossed her arms and glared at her brother.

"You're too young," he replied, standing from the sofa swiftly, "Besides, Dally ain't too good with kids."

Karol's irritation only grew from there, souring her mood for the day. She tugged on Keith's arm like a lifeline - pleading to come along. "Please...? I'll be quiet!"

He shook his head firmly, stepping for the door without another word on the matter. He took a deep breath, "Heading out! Be back around seven!"

A woman's voice could be heard shouting back in response, stepping for the door before Keith could leave. "Six!"

She enveloped him in a side hug and kissed his cheek, staining it with a dark hue of pink lipstick. He grinned softly, smearing it off and turning the doorknob. "Six-thirty. Bye, ma,"

She let out a sigh, watching her son dart for his car - beer in hand and all. She turned to Karol with a lopsided smile. "What are we going to do with him? Hm?"

Karol sat back down on the sofa, a frown still intact. "I wanna go," she stated with crossed arms.

Her mother glanced down at her with a slight frown. "You shouldn't be hanging around those boys, you're way too young, honey."

Karol didn't like that. In fact - she hated being referred to as 'too little' or 'too young'. In all reality it was true; she was six years old and nowhere near old enough to befriend a group of teen hoodlums...even if they were her brother's best friends.

"I don't wanna be young! I wanna play with the big kids and be cool," she fumed, eyebrows sewn together and tiny fists clenched.

"Karol... you don't understand. Little girls shouldn't try any of the things they do," her mother shook her head, attempting to calm her down. It was obvious how badly this was affecting Karol's mood, sending the child into an upset rage.

"I'm not a little girl!" she shouted, hopping off the couch and reaching for the doorknob at a moment's notice. "And I'm running away from this place! I'll go find Keith on my own!"

Her mother only rolled her eyes. Karol had done this countless times - attempting to run off and merely making it down the street before she came crawling back. "You'll be back," she muttered under her breath as she watched her daughter pry open the door and step outside into the blazing summer heat.

Karol's dark expression meant business. She didn't intend on coming back this time, she was determined to prove herself as a big kid. With heavy stomps, Karol made her way down the sidewalk, thinking of where her brother could possibly be. He'd taken the car and everything, not even mentioning where he was heading off to. She turned her head around to notice the door had already been shut - stranding her outside for good.

"I'll show her,"

Karol continued on with her journey, wandering down streets she'd never been to before. Every house she passed seemed to appear bigger and bigger. The one-story shacks turned into two-story houses with beautifully painted fences surrounding them. She stared at a few in awe, wondering how she could manage to buy one of her own and prove she was all grown up.

All was well until a few snickers could be heard off into the distance. Karol turned her head and squinted to have a better look at the trio of teenage boys coming her way. Her mind instantly thought those could be Keith's friends. Maybe if she asked them where he could be then she could hitch a ride with them. Her tiny legs strode to stand in front of the boys, a charming smile on her face.

The first to speak up, a tall brunette with khakis and a white button-down, kneeled to her level. A sly grin arose on his lips, his voice coming out overly sweet. "Well... are you lost, kid?"

It was quite obvious Karol wasn't from the area. Her tattered sandals and colorful- yet floral sundress gave it away. No Soc child would wear something so bright and bold. The little girls were typically dressed head to toe in fancy skirts, headbands, and bows. Karol was a misfit.

"I'm looking for my brother," she beamed with a sweet tone in return, oblivious to the evil intent in his tone. The other boys circled around her as they stifled their snickers.

"Who's your brother?" the Soc asked with a raised brow at Karol's revelation. He looked to the other two, motioning for them to stand close by.

"Keith," Karol spoke excitedly, expecting them to immediately welcome her with open arms, "He said he was with Dally. Can you take me wherever that is?"

All three of the boys's ears perked up at the name. 'Dally' was an easy name to remember - recognizing the infamous greaser left quite a small crowd to narrow down from.

"I ain't ever heard of a 'Keith' who hangs 'round Dally," the slim and blonde-haired Soc spoke up, exchanging glances between the others.

The third boy shook his head, furrowing his brows as he tried to recall the person he had in mind. He ran a hand through his jet-black curls. "No, she means Two-Bit. That guy with the funny sideburns."

The brunette Soc who had originally spoken to Karol let out a soft snort. "Two-Bit..." he nodded along, testing out the name on his tongue. "He wear a Mickey Mouse shirt, kid?"

Karol's smile only grew, nodding to confirm that was indeed her big brother. "Yes! That's him!" Her arms pumped up in victory, a gleam of hope in her eyes.

The sight was precious, they didn't even have to push her for answers - she willingly gave them away. The boy chuckled dryly, standing to his feet with a smug smile. "Well since Two-Bit thinks it's funny to swipe cash that ain't his..."

The other boys had a similar look of cruel intent written all over their faces. The blonde boy stood behind her, a singular arm snaking around her small torso to lift her up. Karol yelped in confusion, not expecting such a move.

"Hey!" she hollered to them, her voice almost a whimper. She was roughly tossed in a soaking wet puddle of mud, hidden beneath the grass on a stranger's front lawn. "My dress..." she pouted, tears welling to her eyes.

The boys didn't hesitate to terrorize the poor girl further. They jabbed their hands into the muddy puddle, one holding her down as the other two slathered the mud all over her. She let out a wail, one that anybody in their right mind couldn't brush off.

"Tell your brother to not touch what ain't his next time," the Soc in the white button-down cackled, his hand running down the side of her cheek.

Just as Karol felt she couldn't take any more of the torment - pounding footsteps could be heard coming closer. Her screams and cries for help had paid off, and none other than Darrel Curtis had come to her aid. He grabbed the collar of the brunette's shirt from behind, scaring the other two off. They ran without hesitation, sprinting up the street the same way they came. The boy managed to slip out of Darrel's grasp, speeding off before he really had his world rocked.

Karol still sat in the puddle, wailing and hollering like she never had before. She truly felt those boys would help her find Keith. Darrel cursed under his breath until they were completely out of sight. He quickly turned his focus back to Karol.

Gently helping her up, he placed both hands under her arms to stand her back on her own two feet. He sighed and assessed the situation, looking over her body and face for any signs she was hurt. "You alright?"

Karol used the back of her hand to wipe away the overwhelming amount of tears that flooded her eyes. She nodded and tried to calm herself enough to speak. Darrel was no stranger to her, they had met numerous times before since Two-Bit was close friends with him.

"Darry~" she whimpered, clinging onto his leg as she went in for a hug. She cried softly against him and didn't show any intention of stopping.

Darrel was a bit taken aback, but he rested a hand on her shoulder nonetheless, patting it gently to bring her a bit of comfort. She was muddy all over and was soaking Darrel in the mess but he didn't mind it one bit. The poor child had to have been hurt from the way she had been screaming. "Karol, look at me."

She reluctantly tilted her head upwards to meet his eyes, her pout seemingly stuck on her face. His heart sank at the sight of the girl's dirtied clothing along with a few minor scratches along her face and arms. "What happened? Tell me everything."

He subtly maneuvered her arms off so that he could begin to walk her to his car. He held his hand out to her, opening and closing a fist to motion for her. Her small hand wrapped around his pinky finger, melting his heart further. He listened intently to her soft cries.

"I was looking for Keith...I ran away," Karol explained with a deepening frown, her mind racing with thoughts of him and how she could only hope he was safe out there.

"You ran away?" he echoed, his words almost full of disbelief, "Why would you do that, kiddo?" Darrel guided her to the backseat of his car, the last thing on his mind being the muddy mess she would leave behind. He followed her inside the car, grabbing a hand towel which was stuffed into the back pocket of his denim. He gently dabbed at her cheeks, mentally reminding himself to be gentle around the scratches.

Karol sighed deeply and glanced down to her lap shamefully. She winced every now and then, the burning sensation on her skin still lingered. "I don't wanna be a little girl anymore, Darry... I want to be like Keith. To be cool."

Darry's expression turned from one of shock to one of empathy. He could already imagine how left out Karol must feel. Her brother always out of the house and getting into all sorts of trouble with his friends, her mother housekeeping constantly and working hard to make ends meet. The Matthews' home could often leave Karol feeling lonely and unwanted.

"And you wandered all the way here... on foot?" he implied, the question sounding surreal to even ask a six-year old.

Karol nodded and watched as Darrel tried his best to finish wiping off the dried up mud from her arms. He was unable to do much about her dress - but what he could do was give her a ride home. He finished tidying her up, setting the towel on the floor beside her feet. He smiled at her warmly, his thumb gently running over her cheek. “Lemme take you home, get you all freshened up with your momma.”

Darrel had a tendency to be good with children, Karol being no different. His instinctive protective nature came in handy in situations like this. He would do so much as to drop everything in terms of his job to tend to Karol’s desperate cries for help.

The car ride home was mostly quiet, the soft music playing as Karol settled herself into the backseat, her head resting against the car door. Darrel pulled up, the car coming to a halt as Keith and their mother swarmed the vehicle in a panic. They were both worried sick - her mother expecting her to return moments after ‘running away’.

Darrel immediately emerged from the car, opening the backseat door and revealing the child to them. Two-Bit was first to sling her into his arms, a powerful hug between the two. He didn’t mind the crumpled clumps of dirt that fell from her body. “Karol - we were so worried about you…” he began, his voice almost a quiver.

Darrel smiled softly, admiring the sight of a little family reunion between the three. He stuffed his hands in his pocket and observed. She was set back down, stepping closer to Darrel in an instant. He crouched down in response and held out his arms for her. Karol obliged and wrapped her tiny arms around his neck, his hands rubbing her back soothingly. “Karol, look at me,” he whispered quietly, only for her ears to hear only.

She leaned in, the expression on her face displaying curiosity. Her undivided attention was on Darrel. “You are the toughest, bravest - coolest gal I know,” his tone was nothing but tender and loving with her. He was already aware of how she felt being babied and portrayed as nothing more than a little girl. He chose his words carefully, “And don’t you ever forget that, you hear? You’re just as cool as your brother… maybe even cooler.”

The wink he added onto those last words sealed Karol’s belief in. She felt a strange sense of newfound confidence within herself. Darrel had done more than just protect her today, more than scaring the boys off before they could harm her more, more than rushing to help assess the damage….

Darrel left her feeling important. She felt noticed for once, her strength revealing itself since the terror inflicted on her today. Karol tightly hugged him, her grasp not loosening a single bit as she prolonged the hug to its fullest.

Her soft voice whispered back, a smile plastering all over her face - the first one in a while, “Thank you, Darry.”

[luxiomahariel]

Remembering the victims: Jasper Aaron Lynch

According to his obituary, Jasper Aaron Lynch was an avid writer and voracious student; one of his teachers recalled that instructing him was “the single most powerful reason that I know I want to continue teaching.” In lieu of flowers, Lynch’s family request donations be made to the ACLU or the Trevor Project. “At 26, Aaron had his whole life in front of him. My thoughts and prayers are with Aaron’s loved ones. Aaron’s death is a tragic result of our system’s ineffectiveness in caring for people who are struggling mentally and emotionally,” said Tori Cooper, Human Rights Campaign Director of Community Engagement for the Transgender Justice Initiative. 

https://www.them.us/story/jasper-aaron-lynch-west-virginia-police-shooting

https://www.starobserver.com.au/news/trans-writer-jasper-aaron-lynch-fatally-shot-by-police-in-the-us/216162

On July 7, 2022, 26-year-old transgender writer, Jasper Aaron Lynch was fatally shot four times by police in his home in Mclean, Virginia. Aaron’s parents and LGBTQI advocacy organisations have questioned the use of lethal force by the police.  Aaron’s family called 911 twice that evening as he was suffering a severe mental health crisis. A crisis intervention team and a clinician arrived at the Lynch residence following the first 911 call at about 7 pm. However, the team were unable to locate Aaron. Following the second call to 911 about an hour and a half later, three responding officers arrived at the household without the presence of a clinician. In the bodycam footage released from the incident, Aaron is shown holding a wine bottle and a wooden tribal mask and is visibly in a poor mental state. The footage shows Aaron throwing the wooden mask at the officers, prompting them to tase him. Police claim that the taser did not subdue him. First Class Edward George then shot Aaron  four times and he was pronounced dead at the scene. A statement released from Aaron’s parents, Pat and Kathy Lynch, reveals that they do not believe the situation was handled justly by police: “Our son, Aaron, was experiencing a severe mental health crisis on July 7. He was scared and asked for both of the 911 calls that were made that day. We believe that the three police officers who answered the second 911 call could have, and should have, handled this far differently,” said the parents in the statement.  “To respond to Aaron’s mental health crisis by shooting him at all, let alone multiple times, cannot be justified. We recognize that, at times, police officers face grave and unknown dangers in the line of duty, but that was not the case for that call at our home regarding our son. Aaron was about 5’ 6″, slightly built, and holding just a bottle and a decorative mask.” “As parents, we mourn the heartbreaking loss of our son and are left with only memories and regret. Had we known there was any possibility that the police responding to the second 911 call would use lethal force against Aaron during a mental health crisis, we would not have involved them until a mental health counsellor could be present, as was the case for the response to the first 911 call. We hope our efforts to find out more about this incident will, in the future, help families in similar situations avoid such a tragic outcome,” they said.

[bettsfic]

one of the things that really stuck with me about The Bikeriders is that it's all about performative toxic masculinity, but there's no womanizer character. not a single guy who picks up women for the fun of it. there's also no casual, unquestioned infidelity, which is a staple of dudebro narratives. like obviously the badass leader guy is going to have a woman on the side, and both his wife and myriad girlfriends will just be set pieces for him with no characterization whatsoever.

on my first watch i just assumed Johnny has a wife at home and a girlfriend in the club, but then i realized the woman hanging all over him during the picnics is his wife (Betty), as evidenced by this pic from VANDALS, the photobook of the shooting of the film.

sorry for the poor quality. this is a picture of a picture.

the implication here is that Betty is supportive of the club (if not Johnny himself, as we see near the end), at least more so than Kathy, who only dresses in bikerider attire for [spoilers redacted].

it's possible in the present timeline of the film that both of their daughters have grown up and moved out. we see Johnny watching The Wild One on television, a film released in 1953, and two girls run behind him, maybe around 10 years old. the timeline of the story begins in 1963, and the last we see of Johnny's home life is 1971. by all means, their daughters might be in their 20s. in some ways, The Bikeriders is a story of middle-aged boredom.

in multiple instances, we see physical affection between married couples. Benny and Kathy, Johnny and Betty, and Brucie and Gail are all depicted at least once snuggled up beside each other. in many films, if a man is both married and faithful, we see him be at the very least physically neglectful, never touching his wife in a loving way. conversely, we never see men receiving real affection, either, unless it's been earned through the intense action of the film. and even then, it's often something he takes, not something he's given.

i was also surprised by Benny and Kathy's relationship, which i assumed would go south asap, given the intensity of it. and although there's plenty of tension between them, none of it is of the "i fell out of love with you, i regret marrying you" variety of angst. they fall in love and stay in love. and they have problems, but losing interest in each other is not one of them.

i find it very funny that Benny remains covered in dirt even when it makes no sense to be.

to me these are all markers of a story that's about toxic masculinity rather than operating from within toxic masculinity. when we're in a toxically masculine story, we're meant to buy into the fantasy of that masculinity. the protagonist is an ideal, a man who fucks around with any woman he looks at and wins fights and becomes a hero. in The Bikeriders, though, we see from the outside that Johnny is trying to craft that impossible fantasy for himself. he's performing the man he wishes he could be and it's making him miserable. and he tries to put that burden on Benny, who refuses it. Benny is his fantasy. conversely, Johnny is Benny's. they have the other on a pedestal of a male ideal that's impossible to achieve.

in this era of American history, we see increasingly intense narratives of heroism. by the 70s, the sons of WWII veterans had grown up. many men of that time looked up to their fathers as war heroes, fighting on the right side of one of the worst wars in the history of humanity, and winning. but those men were then given the Vietnam War, which arguably had no right side, no front, and no land lost or gained. most importantly, it had no clear beginning or ending*. no closure, no resolution. even outside of war, in industry the task of making something became narrower as merchant trades veered toward assembly line production rather than craftsmanship. Benny refuses to step up in part because he belongs to a generation of men who see no real fruits of their labor. conversely, Johnny is witnessing the slow degradation of honor that comes as a result of losing the concepts of resolution and completion.

*the Fall of Saigon marked the end of the Vietnam War, but by then Nixon had pulled out all US troops.

i keep reading these shallow reviews of The Bikeriders, and they're positive but they don't seem to really get it. like The Holdovers, i think so much of the nuance and meaning comes from the historical context of the action of the film, which can't really be elaborated on (you can only do so much in two hours), and so it's depicted in these broad strokes of cultural knowledge, much of which is either that the Vietnam War is simply a thing that happened, or information that is flat-out wrong. i mean, there were like 18 possible sides to this war and you can't read a single fact about it without having to analyze or consider the side it's writing from. even wikipedia is full of subtle rhetoric that indicates sympathy toward one side over the other.

people ask me a lot, "why are you researching the Vietnam War?" and the answer is that it's everywhere. its failure is woven into the fabric of American identity. it changed the very definition of masculinity, and being as we are in a patriarchal hegemony, that new definition has in turn affected everybody else. whenever i talk to any American around my age about the Vietnam War, they've got a story about it. either their father/grandfather was there or he wasn't. if he was there, that's a story. if he wasn't, that's a story too.

many of us in our 30s and 40s and 50s are gaining the expertise and audience to begin telling these stories, in an attempt to answer the question of what even happened back then, and why were our parents so cruel, and why is everyone so miserable now? and we find ourselves on impossible pedestals handed down to us from a generation defined by failure and loss.

[storiesfromafan]

Request #2 - Benny Cross

A/N: another request, as per this challenge of mine 😊

@strayrockette, this one is for you! I know I have kept you in the loop on this via messages. And I know you are excited for this!! I can not wait to hear what you think of it 😂

I feel this is a little comicial, some dominance and a trope or two 😅😅

Also, forgive any grammer or spelling mistakes haha.

~~~~~

Character: Benny Cross - The Bikeriders

Place: in the rain

Reason: confessing feelings

Summary: all Benny want's is his Duchess. I don't know why I nicknamed the reader Duchess 😅😅

Benny didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how you didn’t get the hints he, along with other Vandals, were dropping. It was like you were oblivious. Or you were purposely ignoring him and his feelings. Watching you sitting with a few other Vandal women, drinking a pop and laughing at something Kathy had just said. Benny was fixated on you.

“Come on man, just go up to her and tell her. Would ya!” Cal commented shaking his head, seeing his friend watching you with puppy dog eyes.

For being one of the good looking Vandals, Benny seemed to have the most difficulty putting himself and his intentions on the table. Usually Johnny and the Vandals would be the ones to help him out. And he had gotten their help, with no prevail. You either ignored them or declined any requests. It was starting to frustrate Benny, almost to the point of insanity. All he wanted was for you to be his, and no one else’s. It’s been like that since he first saw you in the bar a few weeks ago.

Benny grunted in disapproval. “I can’t” was his simple reply. The only words he could get out, though his head was swimming with them.

Once more Cal shook his head, clapping Benny on the back. “And that will be ya down fall. If ya worried of rejection man, it ain’t so bad. It will sting for a moment but ya get over it, by getting another pretty little thing under ya".

Turning his gaze from you, Benny shot the earing wearing man a dark look. “There ain’t no other pretty little thing but her" he stated, voice low and dangerous.

Cal held up his hands with a look of surprise on his face, “alright man. But ya gotta do somethin’ already".

Turning back to you, Benny knew he had to do something. Something to get your attention and finally make you his girl. But how? That was the problem. The Vandals had swarmed you to get you on his bike, but you were able to casually take off down the street on foot. When you and Kathy came over to the pool table, you showed interest in the game, so Benny offered to teach you and you politely declined. He sat at your table, all smiles and puppy dog eyes. But you barely noticed him or spoke to him.

He knew what the only thing left to do was, but it was something he feared doing. Rejection was one thing he didn’t like, besides from not riding his bike.

You had been enjoying yourself and the women’s company. The Vandal women loved to swap war stories of their men, and you lapped it up. You’d never laughed so much in your life. Kathy had just been telling the story of when she first came in, and how she was terrified of the men in the bar. And you understood, felling the same when you first entered the place. Not to mentioned the way many of them would slap your behind or ask you out. Funny thing was it only happened the first night, the following visit it was like they were on their best behaviour. Kathy told you it was because of Benny, which you didn’t believe.

“Havin' Benny come up to ya, and ya talked to him, all the other animals know not to come sniffin' ‘round" you recall her words the next day when you stopped at her house.

When you recall your first visit, you remember how a body had fallen into the free seat next to you. Kathy had looked to the new comer, before you turned your gaze to them. You were greeted to the sight of the most breathtaking man. Beautiful blue eyes staring right at you, a warm toothy smile on his gorgeous face. Sharp cheek bones, and strong jaw that was covered in stubble. Which matched the dirty blonde mop on his head, in an effortless mess.

“Hey...I’m Benny", his voice was deep and like music to your ears. Sending a delightful shiver down your spine.

You swallowed, trying to focus on Benny and what he had said. “H-hi, I’m...I’m...” you sputtered out, not recalling your own name. Which made Benny chuckle.

You faintly remember hearing Kathy speak, as you were centred on the male next to you. “Her names (Y/N)” Kathy stated with amusement, before laughing when you nodded.

“(Y/N), huh?” – again you nodded, liking how it sounded coming from Benny’s lips – “that’s a pretty name". And from there you were a goner.

At the end of that night, when you realised it was getting late, you headed out of the bar to hopefully make the last bus. Not long after you’d left, Benny came out. You couldn’t help watching how he crossed the road, the way he kind of dragged his boot clad feet. Not to mentioned how he lit a cigarette effortlessly, flicking his hand holding the lighter, shutting it with a click and extinguishing its flame before putting it back in his jacket breast pocket. Then the way he took a drag before his fingers drew it from those sinful lips. And when he exhaled, dear lord.

You were teetering on your feet, thankfully there was a street sign next to you. So you used it to keep yourself propped up. Or else you would have ended up on your face. Reaching his bike, Benny swung a leg over. Taking a moment to stand there with the bike between his legs, before putting up the kickstand and then bringing his foot down to start the bike. You jumped when the bike roared to life. Only then did Benny sit down on the seat, going back to smoking his cigarette. Yet you swear he looked back at you, though you couldn’t be certain.

You admired how he sat upon his bike. Eyes roaming over his jacket clad back, reading over his colours. His waist, thighs and legs, all so appealing. Not long after, the bar doors opened, and out poured various Vandals and their women. They were laughing and shouting. Even starting to cross the street. Your brain kicked back in then, and you began to move along the street. Yet they continued to follow, but you were a little quicker and a head of them. For you kept walking down the street and away from the bar, a little panicked and frazzled.

It didn’t take long for them to stop, just about a meter from Benny and his bike. A few – Corky and Wahoo – continued to called out to you. Only then did you slow down, turning around to look back. Most were heading back to the bar, still laughing and talking with each other. Looking to Benny, that was when you saw him looking at you. Even from your distance you could tell it was an intense look upon his face. His body sat there stiffly, like he was unhappy. Yet you didn’t linger on him for too long, yet tempted to go back and see if he was alright. But you had to get home, and that last bus was your only chance. So you turned around and left.

You recall that moment well, as you rode the bus home you let yourself think of Benny. The gorgeous Vandal, that seemed interest in you. And you let yourself hopelessly daydream about him. Before thinking back to the advice your mother had given you when it came to men. You can’t let them think they have you, you have to play hard to get. Be interested but not too interested. Flirt with them, but don’t make it obvious. You want them eating out of the palm of your hand.

So, you followed that advice. You showed interest in pool, when you and Kathy went over to that side of the bar. Right away Benny had offered to teach you. So you declined, that was being interested but not too interested. When he would sit with you, you would hardly notice him or talk to him. You played it aloof, though you wanted to just melt over him.

“Don’t look now, but Benny’s watchin' ya again" commented Gale with a small smirk. “How long do ya think it will be before he comes over?”

The women laughed, while you softly blushed. You knew she was right. He always watched you for so long before coming over and sitting with you. It was like a ritual with him. Yet he never made a move, well not to your knowledge anyways. Sometimes you think he’s interested, while other times you think otherwise. All you wanted to know for sure is if he wanted you or not.

You went back to drinking your pop while listening to the women go on. First a bit more teasing about Benny, before changing subjects when an argument broke out at the bar between a few other men. Kathy continued to call the Vandals animals, which made the other women laugh. That lead to more stories on different times there had been fights or arguments in the bar. You only half listened while off in la-la land.

Without noticing, both Gale and Betty left the table, just leaving Kathy and you. What brought you back to the present was a new bottle of pop being placed next to your empty one, the person taking the seat next to you. You blinked looking at the bottle, before turning to see a smiling Benny at your side. Then you looked to Kathy, who was trying to hold back a laugh. You turned back to Benny, who then smiled a brighter smile, baby blues shining with your attention on him.

“Take that as my cue to leave" Kathy mused, grabbing her drink and bag, then leaving her seat.

You wanted to protest, tell her to stay but you were held captive by Benny’s piercing gaze. Your tongue was like led, your brain a jumble of words with no way to sort them out to be spoken. So you both sat there, watching the other in silence. The bar lively around you both but neither noticing it.

Finally Benny broke the silence, licking his lips before speaking. “Thought ya’d want another drink".

You cast a glance down at the bottle, which sat with its empty brother. “Ah...t-thanks" you stuttered, before turning back to Benny.

The look that formed on Benny’s face at your thanks, was like a kid in a candy store. He felt happy to get such words from you. The one woman who seems to avoid him and his affections. Placing a hand on the back of your seat, Benny made himself comfortable as he continued to watch you.

Trying to remain calm, you took slow breathes. Over and over telling yourself this was fine, no big deal. Benny was just staring at you with those beautiful blue eyes, that looked a little more stormy blue when up close and in this light. As well as that smile on those tempting lips. Not to mention, wondering what the stubble on his face would feel like rubbing against your own skin.

“You alright Duchess?” Benny asked with that low drawl of his, face leaning closer to yours.

Again you took a calming breath. “Y-yes...” you managed to get out, though it was a tad squeaky.

Benny chuckled lowly, enjoying the reaction he got. It pushed him to want to do more. He wanted to hear all the sounds he could get from you, from innocent to the not so innocent. Not pulling his head back, Benny looked deeply into your eyes, searching for anything that meant for him to take it further. Because he so wanted to get closer, to put a hand on you. To feel your skin, your warmth. He was tired of being denied it. He wanted you close and in his arms, on the back of his bike.

You picked up the new bottle of pop, taking a sip while trying to not let Benny’s unwavering gaze get to you. Though it was becoming hard too. You cast your gaze around the room. Noting the Vandals and their women. Betty and Gale had joined Johnny and Brucie. All four looked to be comfortable and enjoying each others company. Kathy had taken to putting up with Corky and Wahoo, while Cal seemed to be amused by them all.

“Eyes on me Duchess" came Benny’s annoyed voice from beside you.

As if his hand had taken your chin and brought your eyes back to him, which they hadn’t. You were drawn back to the gorgeous man. You knew you shouldn’t have listened to him, kept your attention on anything but him. But with him being so close, his cologne and cigarette smell taking over, taking you hostage.

“Good, that’s better" he said lowly, eyes delighted in your compliance. “All ya gotta do is focus on me".

You swallowed. You couldn’t help it. This commanding side of Benny, though new, was so appealing. It made Benny more hotter. So you sit there, both looking at each other. Though Benny did make small talk, wanting to learn more about you. As you had denied him time and time again. But not this time. With every response you would stutter or squeak, only pleasing Benny more.

When a few drunk Vandals came up, asking him to play the next game of pool, was the spell you were under finally broken. You used this moment to excuse yourself, and visited the bathroom. Crossing the room, dodging various bodies, you entered the ladies. You stood before the mirror, taking a deep breath before releasing it. Slowly you relaxed, your mind clearing and processing what had gone on.

Not sure how long you stood there, you jumped when the door opened and in walked Kathy. She gave you an apologetic smile once seeing that you had jumped. You waited as she used the stall, before exiting to wash her hands.

“Havin' fun with Benny?” Kathy asked with a chuckle.

You rolled your eyes. “Not when I’m a stuttering mess".

Kathy laughed openly at that. “Really? Even after finally givin’ him the time of day – er, night?”

You sighed, leaning your lower back against the sink. “Yes...I must seem like a bumbling idiot to him".

Kathy smiled at you warmly. “If that was the case, Benny would have left ya alone ages ago. That man is over the moon with ya".

Now it was you who laughed. “Yeah right Kathy, I don’t know why".

She chuckled, “trust me. He is, hun".

With that you both exited the bathroom, you fixing your shirt and bag as you walked out. Coming back into the bar, you saw that Benny had joined the men for a pool game. You took a moment to admire him as he took a shot. The way he leant over the table, giving you a few wicked ideas. How he concentrated on the shot, before taking it. The man oozed sex appeal. So why would he go for you? You asked yourself moving to join Kathy, who was getting a drink from the bar.

While standing there, you were about to order another drink before seeing the clock on the wall. Comparing it to your wrist watch, you noticed how late it was getting. With a few words to Kathy, you apologized and said you had to get going, so you wouldn’t miss the last bus.

“Ya sure ya don’t want to stay and we could get a cab together?” Kathy offered.

You smiled warmly. “It’s alright, I should probably get home. I heard there could be rain tonight. Don’t want to get sick" you laughed.

She nodded, understanding that. Reluctantly Kathy let you go, though feeling she should have told you to see Benny before you left. But you moved too quickly for her to say anything. You crossed the bar, once more dodging body’s, before exiting. Once you were gone Kathy grabbed her drink and thought it best to give Benny the heads up, his Duchess had ran off again without his knowledge.

Once more the streets were dead, a car or two passing, as you made you way to the bus stop. Unfortunately the forecast had been right, for it began to spit rain while you walked. And to add insult to injury, it got heavier as you walked a stretch of the street that had no cover. So you had picked up the pace, moving fast to get to the nearest covered building. Upon stepping under the cover, you did a little shake, as if it would completely dry you. Thankfully you weren’t saturated but the cool evening air didn’t help. Your arms forming goose bumps from the chill you were feeling.

Looking further up the road there would be another stretch of open area, though not as long as you just walked, before more cover. And time was running out to make it for the bus. You weighed your options; make a run for it or take you time and possibly miss the bus. While contemplating your options the nearing sound of a roaring engine didn’t faze you, thinking it was a passing Vandal.

Making up your mind – and going with option one – you walked out into the rain and began to power walk on. When the engine you’d heard pulled up beside you, did you turn to find Benny. You stopped and stared at him, confusion written all over your face, while you felt the rain start to soak your clothes.

“W-what are ya doin’ here?” You managed to get out.

He grunted. “That’s what I was gonna ask you. Get on, I’m takin' ya home".

You slowly shook your head. “No, no. It’s fine. The bus stop is just a head" you replied, taking a few more steps in the direction you were going.

“It’s fine Duchess, get on" Benny repeated, leaving no room for argument.

“Really Benny, I’ll be fine" you said once more, taking to walking off on him.

You heard him sigh before turning off his bike, then the kick stand. Yet you kept walking, not sure what was up with him. It was when a rough hand grabbed your arm and stopped you, still in the rain I might add, did you turn around to find Benny. His hair was wet, drops falling from the curls at his forehead. His gaze drawn in on you, annoyance swimming in those blue pools. You couldn’t understand why he was annoy with you. Alright, you declined his offer of a ride. But that was so he could go back to the bar and carry on with the club.

“What is with ya and runnin' away from me?” Benny asked out loud. “All I’ve wanted to do is be near ya, get to know ya. Can’t ya see, Duchess?”

You blinked your eyes a few times, letting his words sink in. Confusion still written on your face. “S-see what...?”

Benny sighed in frustration. “That ya put a damn spell on me, that I want nothin' more then for ya to be mine!?” His voice was loud, annoyed but with a touch of fear.

Your heart skipped a beat hearing Benny's confession. And silly you didn’t believe yourself or Kathy or the other women. Benny Cross was into you, wanted you. You stood there shocked and silent, which didn’t help Benny one bit.

He released your arm, thinking you were rejecting him. “I guess...I guess ya don’t feel the same...” he muttered looking away from you.

That was the shock back to reality you needed. You took a step closer to him, trying to get the words out. But your heard was a jumble with everything you were thinking and feeling, which wasn’t registering with your mouth. So you did the only thing you could think to do right now. Grabbing onto Benny’s t-shirt, you brought him down as you stood on your tippy toes. And you placed your lips to his. It was a closed lipped kiss, your eyes looking into each others, as the rain and the word around you fell away.

After a few moments you pulled back, not releasing your hold on his shirt. “I-I...ah, I-I mean...” you sputtered, frazzled and mind lost to it all.

Benny looked into your eyes, searching for what you wanted to say. Seeing how you looked at him, softly and with endearment, that was all he needed. This time he grabbed your chin, tilting your head up before his lips captured yours again. Only his kiss was harder, a little dominating. He didn’t need to ask permission to your mouth, for you sighed as soon as his lips touched yours. Benny’s tongue didn’t waste time to enter your mouth, seeking out your own and lavishing it with attention, caressing it in a way that made your knees weak. His hand moving from your chin to the back of your head. He didn’t plan to let go yet, and wasn’t going to give you a chance to either.

Reluctantly Benny freed you from his kiss, but kept you close, resting his forehead against yours. Both of you need a moment to regain some air. And once your breathing returned, you cast your eyes to his. Noting how he looked at you with nothing but affection and want. Which mirrored in your own.

“Will you now let me take you home, Duchess? Because ya soaked" Benny said gruffly.

You smiled tenderly. “You’re soaked too, ya know" your voice soft, but not as timid.

He smirked at you. “Is that an invitation?”

And just like that, you blushed, hitting Benny's chest softly with your hand. Sputtering out no and saying you’re not like that. Benny could only laugh, for he knew his Duchess wouldn’t have him over the first night. But maybe the second night? None the less. Benny managed to got you to finally let him get you home, and loved having you on the back of his bike. There would be no more running away, no more avoiding him. Because you were his now.

[katelynnwrites]

All’s Well That Ends Well (To End Up With You) | Felicitas Rauch

warnings: a tiny bit of angst but it’s mostly fluff

word count: 2145

summary: your national teammates have a conversation about starting families and it prompts a conversation between you and feli

a/n: let me know what you think of this please? i got this idea from the born for this documentary and it’s been buzzing around my head for a while because i was kind of hesitant if i should write it…if it’s good i might write a bit more about feli and kids :)

You’re certain that this is the team that will go far in the Euros. Hell, the mood in camp is one so perfect that you are filled with the conviction that you might just win the whole damn thing. It is what every single member of your team is working towards.

The tournament might still be eight months away but things are just shaping up so well.

These people you’re with, they are more than just teammates. They’re good friends.

Good friends that you are happy to celebrate an early Christmas with.

The national team staff and some of your teammates have been kind enough to help set up a small Christmas get together, with food and drinks.

It might be the midst of international break and you might be only two metres away from the hotel entrance but it makes all the difference.

Everyone needs to get their minds off football and relax sometimes, especially when the last game of the year is just around the corner.

Curled into Feli’s side, you giggle at the story Sara is telling. You can feel Felicitas’ body vibrate with laughter and you press yourself closer to her.

Your wife easily slips her arm around your waist in response.

She drops an affectionate kiss onto the top of your head even as she continues listening to her fellow defender.

The smile on your face grows as the rest of your teammates pitch in, the alcohol helping everyone to loosen up.

Feli’s fingers gently running over your side and the pleasant buzz of the mulled wine distract you for a few minutes and when you focus back on the conversation, it’s to Kathy saying that it would be nice if men could get pregnant too.

A round of laughter rings out immediately and you grin at the very thought. It would certainly be helpful for some of your teammates, both national and club alike.

Lina jokes that she would get her boyfriend pregnant right away if she could and everyone chuckles a little harder.

When that dies down though, there is a moment of sobering silence.

‘You’d actually like to have kids though…right?’

Marina directs the question at anyone and everyone, her tone being an indicator of just how difficult this particular subject is. It’s unusual for the typically smiley woman to be so serious.

Both Kathy and Lina nod, Laura following after a moment.

A few of the youngest players like Jule and Obi simply shrug. That’s fair you think, because it’s not something that would be on the forefront of their mind at that age.

But for you, being a few years older, it has.

So you nod too and can’t help but slip your hand into your wife’s when she does the same, a tad shyly.

You’ve talked about it before you even started dating, wanting to be on the same page before starting a relationship that might turn out to be lasting.

You are incredibly happy that it did and are so thankful for having that conversation with Feli.

Being a mom has always been something you want and marrying someone who wants the same thing as you was always important.

It never occured to you while you were growing up that that person would come into your life, in the form of Felicitas Rauch.

Two months into calling her your girlfriend and you knew that she would be the only one you would ever want to start a family with.

It assures you the feeling must be mutual when the brunette squeezes your hand lightly, glancing at you adoringly.

‘I feel ready to start a family now but I guess with football, I will have to wait a couple more years.’ Kathy sighs.

You make a sympathetic noise and your fellow Wolfsburg player looks up.

‘I’m guessing that you can relate. I see how you are with the younger fans. Do you want a girl or a boy?’ She asks softly.

Shrugging, you murmur, ‘I don’t mind either. I just want them to be healthy, you know?’

Kathy gives you a tiny smile and nods her understanding.

Your heart warms just thinking about it and the hopeful smile you give the blonde in return makes you miss the one on Feli’s face dimming.

Felicitas keeps your hand in hers but doesn’t say much more for the rest of the night.

She does not meet the worried looks you give her and by the end of the little celebration, your anxiety is just about eating you whole.

You don’t remember the last time you’ve felt this uncertain with your wife.

As everyone makes their way back to their respective rooms, you trail after her to the room you’re sharing.

‘Liebling?’ You softly prompt and the brunette defender frowns as she shuts the door.

‘What’s wrong?’

Felicitas stiffens and she sits down on her bed, drawing her knees up to her chest.

Her brown eyes are full of emotion when she quietly asks, ‘You want a baby now?’

‘Well not now now but maybe after the Euros…’ You admit.

Your wife’s eyes widen and you reach for her hand hurriedly, saying, ‘Don’t you? We’ve been married for a few years and I think we’re in a good enough place in our careers.’

Feli shakes her head, stammering, ‘I-I love you but I’m not ready.’

As hard as you try to hide it, you can’t stop the hurt that flashes across your face from showing.

‘Liebling, I’m sorry.’ Feli pleads, squeezing your hand tightly and touching your wedding ring.

‘Don’t be. You aren’t at fault for the way you feel. I-I just thought you wanted to have children as badly as I do.’ You whisper, covering her hand with yours.

This, if possible, makes your wife feel even worse.

There are tears slipping down her face as she takes a deep breath, trying to explain herself.

‘I do. Believe me I do. That’s not what I’m not ready for. Liebling I want to have a baby with you, I’m ready to start a family with you. It’s been on my mind for a long time but what I’m not ready for is putting football on hold.’

‘Felicitas…’ You breathe.

‘I love you. I love you so incredibly much and I’ve dreamed of having a family with you but I can’t do it now. I’m twenty six and I know that’s not old but I’m terrified of not being able to get back my current form after I give birth.’

‘Feli I love you too but I don’t understand.’ You murmur.

Your wife makes a frustrated noise, ‘Don’t you see how hard Almuth is struggling? I know that I’m not as old as she was when she got pregnant but I don’t think I can go through it liebling.’

‘I know and I admire her for it but Feli…I’m not asking you to put yourself through that.’

The fullback simply stares at you with clear confusion.

There’s a smile on your face as you tease, ‘You know liebling, the good thing about being in a lesbian relationship is that both of us can get pregnant.’

‘What?’

‘I’m younger than you Feli. I’ll recover faster, and be able to get my fitness back faster.’

‘Y-You want to be the one to carry our baby?’

Your wife’s tone is one of complete disbelief.

‘Yes.’ You answer simply.

‘But why? You’re our star striker for club and country. You are at the top of your game liebling. Hell Barcelona wants you and while I know you turned them down, chances like that aren’t given to just anybody. As a player, you are far more valued than I am. For you to put your career on hold…’ Feli’s voice gets gradually quieter before it tails off.

The Wolfsburg defender swallows hard, her gaze never leaving yours.

It is barely audible when she mumbles, ‘If you get pregnant after the Euros, you might not be able to come back in time for the World Cup.’

‘Felicitas, my love, don’t you know that I will give up anything if it means being able to be a mother with you? Winning a world cup is a dream but being able to have a family with you is the biggest dream.’

If the brunette wasn’t crying before, she certainly is now.

Her hands are gentle as she cradles your face to kiss you. She tastes like the salt of her tears but the action still takes your breath away.

‘Do you really mean that?’ Feli whispers against your lips.

You nod, leaning your forehead against your wife’s.

She presses one more kiss onto your mouth, murmuring, ‘Let’s do it. I want to have a baby with you liebling. As soon as possible.’

‘Okay…okay that sounds like a plan.’ You tearfully agree.

******

You’re pregnant a month after Germany finishes runners up in the Euros.

******

Feli was right. You are far from being able to make it back in time for the World Cup but you never expected yourself to be anyway.

That doesn’t mean that you aren’t there to support your wife, fellow national teammates and country though.

You are in the friends and family section, with your newborn dressed in the tiniest Rauch, 17, jersey.

Where your wife found noise cancelling headphones small enough to fit on his head, you’ll never know but he looks adorable.

He peers curiously at his surroundings during the first half, never once crying but rather being content to be held by you.

Felicitas blows you and him a kiss each as she makes her way back down the tunnel at halftime.

Her bun is messy and it is getting colder as the sun sets but her eyes are shining with adoration.

She mimes catching the kiss you blow her in return and you giggle.

‘Your mama’s so silly.’ You tell your son as you rock him gently.

The newborn sucks determinedly on his fist in response and you giggle.

He has Feli’s eyes and you don’t know how you will ever be able to tell him no when he grows up. You certainly are not able to tell your wife no when she looks at you with her pretty eyes.

******

Your country puts two more into Morocco’s goal before Felicitas is subbed out in the 89th minute.

You cheer louder than anybody when she leaves the pitch because you are always going to be her biggest fan.

The brunette catches sight of you just before she sits down at the bench, her cheeks flushing a bright pink at the look of pride on your face.

You chuckle at that, pressing a light kiss onto your baby’s forehead. He’s fallen asleep, the cool Australian night air giving his cheeks a rosy hue, nearly identical to his mother’s.

The match is nearly over now and Lea fires one more into the opposition’s net to make it a six-nil win before the full time whistle blows.

There’s a tangible joy in the stadium, from the fans and your team.

Everyone is celebrating but you only have eyes for your wife.

She’s making directly for you, climbing over the barriers and pulling you into an excited kiss.

‘I love you.’ Feli declares.

‘Love you too.’ You grin.

The fullback kisses you once more, her hands cradling your face eagerly.

‘How’s our son?’ She asks, bending down to lightly press her lips onto his forehead. He remains fast asleep, not even stirring when you transfer him into the Wolfsburg player’s arms.

Your wife coos softly, adjusting the blanket you wrapped him in, to protect his tiny body from the cold.

Felicitas is entirely enamoured with him, just as she has been since she saw him on the initial ultrasound.

You always knew she would be down bad but when your son gripped Feli’s finger tight the moment she first held him, well she exceeded all your expectations.

The brunette holds him close, breathing in his baby smell before looking up hesitantly.

‘C-Can I take him down to the pitch? I know we talked about keeping him off social media but I want to share this moment with him.’

You don’t even have to think twice about your answer.

‘Felicitas of course you can. I might have carried him but he’s your son too.’

Your wife can’t resist kissing you once more before she leads you back down onto the pitch with her, despite your protests.

‘Liebling this is your special moment, your World Cup debut.’

‘Yes and I want to share it with my family.’ She matter of factly states.

There’s no arguing with her and so it is with a smile on your face that you let her slip her hand into yours.

Being there with Feli, as she holds the baby you had together against her chest…it’s everything you have ever dreamed of.

German Translation:

liebling - love

[hogans-heroes]

Ok so. The Bikeriders.

First of all, it’s very different than we thought, in a good way. It’s not an action or drama or crime film. It feels almost like a documentary because it’s shot in a journalist’s style with simple camera work and interviews and the story is told through the narration of Kathy and the journalist. It revolves around the snapshots of these people’s lives, who they are, why they’re here and do what they do, and it’s so beautiful and intimate and makes you fall in love with humanity like you’re in a anthropology class. You see how they see and love what they love. It’s so fucking powerful.

Ok side track to what we’re all really here for. FUKN BENNY.

Your life will be ruined by Austin within the first 10 seconds and you NEVER catch your breath afterwards. He doesn’t say too much and isn’t even on screen quite as much as I expected but he’s the heart of the whole film and oh boy what a beautiful heart. A TALL DAMN DRINK OF WATER THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO PUT IT. I got lightheaded whenever he appeared. Plus we get him in a totally new look which I loved and am sure will be seeing in fandom. I literally have no words for his looks and voice and absolute badass behavior while also looking like a little kitten the entire time boy you out here ruining lives. One scene absolutely BROKE my heart I wanted to hug him so bad and it was a powerful moment in the narrative. But it was really hard to watch him get so beat up consistently over the movie.

The last SMILE we get from him??? Will kill all of us it will be the apocalypse I’m typing from the GRAVE you hear??? I’d vote the best smile we’ve ever gotten from Austin and THAT’s really saying something. I can’t say enough good things about the ending in general.

Tom Hardy is the ABSOLUTE mvp of this film, he knocked it out of the park.

(Mild spoilers under the cut)

I was so terrified Benny was going to die the entire time and the way the movie goes it really makes you think he will but he DOESNT DIE and I was SO GODDAMN relieved. That ending was so perfect and sad and poignant.

It REALLY IS a love triangle??? Like I was also shocked that there is zero sex scene or even a single kiss at all in a film like this, but the dialogue and chemistry whew boy….was very intrigued and happy to have things thus way even though it turned out sad.