#this is the first thing ive written in days pls be nice 2 me <3

[semperamans]

I read your writing for Johnny I’m FERAL i saw that your on a trip hope your having the best time I understand if this isn’t written asap🫶🏽 but I had an idea for ( jealous) johnny

So you’ve always been around the outlaws not major close but there, then your friend kathy starts dating benny and you slot in with them permanently it’s no secret to anyone that your stunning like the girl on the block that everyone wants type of thing but a sweet heart

Johnny always admired from afar ( maybe you have a secret soft spot for him as well, you both steal glances etc like you know that one person you naturally gravitate toward when in a group of people) but he never made any moves

But then word on the street you’ve finally said yes to a date with someone maybe not a biker but a mechanical (idk) and Johnny overhears the boys speaking about it and he’s like wtf

And v stupid on your part you thought after your date you’d bring him to the bar with everyone and it would be good vibes lol definitely not the only vibes are rude unhappy and jealous Johnny ( everyone’s just sat watching the tension like it’s a movie 😭) maybe he makes your date leave idk

I hope this isn’t too much 🫶🏽

kinda ran with this!

(reader is younger than johnny! slightly nsfw! violence!)

johnny's momma made him go to church on sundays when he was a youngin' and boy he hated it. jus' didn't make any sense to him - believin' in something he couldn't see (and wearin' those ridiculous clothes) - so the minute he turned old enough to make his own decisions he was outta there. i mean, he hasn't seen the inside of a church since he n'betty got hitched years ago - but the strangest damn thing happened to him the other night. he saw a goddamn angel in the flesh and it changed his entire life.

september 1965

johnny always hated the soaps betty watched. fuckin' unrealistic, y'know? s'much as he missed betty, he was glad when she up and left and took the fuckin' antennas with her. time didn't stop whenever ya saw someone attractive. i mean, there was no dreamy music or fuckin' swirlin' sparkles. but then you stumbled into the clubhouse with your sweet smile and long painted nails and swishy dress and johnny was spellbound because what the fuck? he'd never seen you before - that much he knew. if he had seen you 'round prior to this night he woulda called his momma and apologized for not believin' her all these years. a fuckin' angel amongst all these sinners - who woulda thought? you were just so young n'precious; smilin' brightly next to a laughin' kathy. johnny couldn't help but stare n'he tried not to make it obvious, y'know, but who could blame 'em? then you spoke to him. turned your head just so and gave him a little wave and a "hello" that made his heart squeeze and his cock twitch and he knew he was destined to be fucked for the rest of his miserable life.

your big ole eyes lit up when he introduced himself. he gave you the spiel: his name, that he's the president of this rag-tag group of fuckin' bozos, n'like with kathy he made the promise that he wouldn't let nothin' happen to ya. he said it to kathy outta due diligence, y'know? i mean, she looked mortified when she stumbled in through the doors lookin' for dingy - but you? you weren't at all off-put by cockroach's stories or wahoo's slurred speech. you just giggled n'shook your head, wrapping your pink lips around a bottle of pop. maybe you were just too young and naive to realize the relative danger of bein' there, johnny thought. i mean, you were just this sweet girl who fluttered her lashes and saw the good in everyone an' so johnny told himself to let it go. to knock it off. that you were too young. too pure. too angelic. but, well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, right?

october 1965

"well, look at you," each word that dripped from johnny's mouth had been submerged in lust and coated with longing and he wanted to kick his own fucking ass but you beamed at 'em. you had spearheaded the idea to have a costume party on halloween n'of course all the guys voted yes at the meetin'. it was fuckin' cold that night, but it hadn't stopped wahoo and corky from rippin' their shirts n'jeans an' stealin' cal's earrings to look like pirates. cockroach's wife had affixed long, cloth-wrapped wires to his back so he could resemble his namesake n'sonny'd even found a rubber clown mask that zipco fuckin' hated. then there was you. you - of course - were an angel. it felt like a cruel fuckin' joke when johnny saw ya stumblin' through the door in heels that were a bit too tall of ya. you were a vision of white and wings and feathers and he was so unbelievably in love with you it made him sick. "g'head n'gimmie a twirl, peach. lemme look at ya."

so you did and you always did exactly what johnny said which was something he both hated and adored. you were always so good to 'em. whenever you'd come in with kathy you'd slide a chair right next to him and he'd fuckin' burn whenever your leg kissed his. he felt like a goddamn 16-year-old gettin' hard at the attention you bestowed upon 'em, but he couldn't help it. couldn't help that it made his heart soar when you propped your elbows on the table n'leaned in closer to hear over the crooning music. and it would be so easy to use that power for evil, y'know? to tell ya that he had a hard day n'just needed some lovin' and he knows you'd give it to 'em. such an affectionate girl you were, always huggin' on everyone n'stumblin' into his arms when you had a bit too much to drink. he'd felt your lips against his ear as you whispered drunken secrets to 'em but he'd never felt them on his own and he wanted to. he really fuckin' wanted to kiss you.

"well, what do ya think?"

you didn't seem phased that he had been staring. y'just stood there with a little smile n'your hands slightly outstretched like ya might actually use those wings to fly off. how was johnny to not eat you alive?

"think you look perfect. jus' like the real thing."

because you were.

after knowin' you for a month johnny was certain his initial reaction toward ya hadn't been an exaggeration. you were a goddamn angel - costume or not. at his high praises, you smiled even bigger. he loved your smile. then you were fluttering off to find benny n'kathy to show 'em your pretty wings and all johnny could think about as you high-fived and waved to everyone was how you'd so quickly grown to be an integral part of the group. a room felt empty without your robust laughter n'when you weren't around johnny was wishin' you were. you prettied up the place - prettied up johnny's life - n'maybe god had forgiven him for all the bad shit he'd done in life. i mean, why else would he have given johnny a gift? given johnny you.

but you weren't his.

you were never gonna be his.

and johnny accepts that.

kind of.

january 1965

he doesn't.

johnny doesn't know her name - doesn't care - because she wears the same perfume you do an' with his eyes closed he can almost imagine that it's you under him n'not some random from down the street. you're the one takin' him so well n'tellin' him how good it feels, not her. not this girl who means nothing to him. johnny even moans your name, rookie fuckin' mistake, n'the woman smacks him, which is deserved n'the second she tugs up her dress and leaves johnny is like a wild animal; fuckin' his fist, n'shoving his face into the pillow to chase the fleeting scent of you you you.

februrary 1965

he's ruined.

his thoughts are of you - only you - and they've grown progressively worse. he wants to marry you, to wake up to your sweet smile, to make you a momma, but fuck he can't. you're still so sweet n'young and you have no idea what the real world is like and he wants to ruin your life but he can't. he promised nothin' would happen to you n'he doesn't break promises even if it breaks his fucking heart.

the next time he sees you is at the family picnic. you've got a scarf in your hair n'you're so happy to see him - he knows by the way your face lights up n'you come skippin' over - but then he's shrugging off your hug and goddamn your sorrowful little pout almost breaks him, but he stays on course. when you come to stand by him at the fire, he moves. he doesn't let you sit on his lap when you all settle in and refuses when you ask him to toast your marshmallow and you're so confused. you don't know what you did; how you made him angry n'why he wants nothin' to do with you anymore.

he won't even acknowledge you when you paw at his arm and whisper his name. he stays locked in conversation with wahoo and corky who seem just as confused as you are, but they say nothing.

nothing.

maybe that's all this was after all.

march 1965

johnny doesn't pick up when you call.

he swore he always would, but he doesn't.

april 1965

"oh yeah! she's gotta man now!" kathy says nonchalantly like she didn't just ruin johnny's life. the room feels too hot. what did dingy say? he didn't hear over the ringin' in his fuckin' ears.

"it's that, uh, robbie fella. y'know, the one who works in sharky's garage? yeah, apparently they hit it off n'ya know, now they're goin' steady." kathy's words lodge deep in johnny's brain the way a fuckin' bullet would n'his heart is falin' out of his ass and okay, maybe he wasn't so good at hiding his feelings because benny n'brucie turn to look at him, but he's fine. yeah. no. he's totally fine. he knew this would happen, knew that you would go on about your life. it's what you deserve. nice guy, close in age. yeah. that's fine.

he definitely doesn't punch a hole in the wall picturin' about robbie's face.

july 1965

"well, look at you."

johnny's got his back turned, so he isn't sure who sonny is talkin' about til he peers over his shoulder n'almost falls outta his seat. he's too drunk for this, so drunk he's seeing angels because there you are and oh, you look so pretty. how long has it been since he's seen ya? couple of months? my god, you've gotten prettier, somehow. hair is longer now and your eyes actually look happy. you give hugs, avoid johnny, n'then gesture over toward the door where that no good, low down robbie stands.

in truth, robbie's a good kid. all the guys know 'em. i mean, he can't ride - johnny isn't even sure he could hold up a goddamn bike with those scrawny legs - but he knows his way inside and out 'round a bike. the man's brain is like a fuckin' robot n'so of course he gets along with cal and johnny doesn't know why he feels so betrayed when all the guys go stumblin' over to greet the fuckin' traitor. you stay right where you are, though. lookin' over at johnny with unspoken words lodged in your throat. there is so much you wanna say to him, but all you manage is a choked

"hi,"

"get 'em outta here."

your eyebrows furrow, frown etching onto your mouth as you shift your weight from one foot to the next.

"why?"

"because this is my bar n'i wan' 'em gone."

"he hasn't done nothin' to you!"

oh but he has because what's that glintin' on your finger? johnny rises from his seat so quickly he damn near loses his balance, but he regains it quick enough to snatch your hand n'sure enough...

johnny has no right to be upset. i mean, you were never his to begin with, right? but his fucking heart is in pieces all over the floor just like the beer bottle he busts over robbie's head n'there is fuckin' chaos. it takes benny, brucie, and whaoo to pull johnny off robbie. the poor guy hasn't done nothin' wrong; just gave you the life johnny always wanted. like, now, as johnny pants n'winces as kathy cleans up his knuckles, robbie's got your face cradled in his palm. he's kissin' your cheeks and rubbin' his hand down your arm and... pressin' it to your stomach.

johnny never believed much in religion, but he prays that there is some kind of god because he's going to need some forgiveness before the night is through.

[hangovercurse]

Nothing

Part i of the Without You series: When Colson and Megan break up, the boys count on Y/N to piece Colson back together, which only leads to disaster.

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Colson being kind of a dick, cursing, a little bit of aggression/ violence. This one’s definitely angsty.

A/N: This was supposed to be just a one part fic. Then that turned into 2 parts. And then 3. And then all of a sudden I had written 5 parts and over 10,000 words. Enjoy 😊 (also this is v unedited so if you see a mistake... mind ya business)

Word Count: 2084

| ii | iii | iv | v | vi |

masterlist

When you got the text from Rook, you knew it was probably gonna be bad. 

Megan just left him, for good. Not gonna be pretty the next few days so maybe don’t come by anytime soon. 

Your heart broke for your best friend. Colson had been really in love with Megan. And as much as you hated seeing them together for your own personal reasons, you could tell he was really happy. 

Ok. Let me know if you guys need me. If it gets bad I can take Casie for a few days. Take care of him for me pls. 

You and Colson had been friends for years now. You knew almost everything about each other, you told him everything. He let you crash at his place after your ex kicked you out, and you had spent many hours curled up with him, watching stupid movies to distract him from his most recent breakup or mental breakdown. 

But this was different. Colson told you he wanted to marry her at some point, and you knew he wasn’t lying. And you couldn’t blame him. As much as you hated no longer being the only women (other than Casie) in his life, you couldn’t dislike Megan. She was just one of those people who everyone loved. 

The thought of texting Colson crossed your mind, but you weren’t sure if it would hurt or help. From the sound of it, he was a wreck.

So, naturally, you texted Pete. 

Have you talked to Cols yet?

With Colson came Pete, or came you, you weren’t really sure. Somewhere along the way you and Pete had become close friends. He was like the older brother you’d never asked for, and he would probably say something similar about you. 

You couldn’t really explain it, Pete could read you like a book. And because of that, he knew everything. He was the only one to catch on to the way you sometimes looked at Colson for too long, or got irritated when he’d bring a new girl around. 

I’m heading over there right now. You should talk to him.

You rolled your eyes.

Not sure that’s the best idea. You guys are better at handling... all that. Once he gets a little less angry then I’ll take him. 

Pete texted you back a few minutes later.

Thanks for the support, kid. I’ll keep you updated. Just pulled in.

Good luck, Petey.

You tossed your phone on your bed, a sigh leaving your lips. You decided worrying was a problem for another day.

No more than 12 hours later you were getting a phone call from Rook. 

“Dude it’s like 4 in the morning, why are you calling me.” 

“Y/N, we’ve tried everything. He’s locked up in his room and every time one of us tries to talk to him he blows up. Literally he almost punched Slim a few hours ago.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose, groaning at the predicament. “So now you want me to come over?” You asked, “What do you think I’m gonna be able to do?”

“Well he’s not gonna try and hit you for one. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but he’s significantly nicer to you than to anyone else.”

“What do I even say to him? “Sorry that the love of your life broke up with you but at least we can smoke pot and watch Spongebob?” I mean come on, man. I’m not good at this.”

“Please.” He pleaded, “We’re all out of options and I can’t stand to see him get any worse than he is.”

You moved off your bed and towards your dresser. “Fine, I’ll be there in 15.” 

You threw on the first pair of sweatpants you could find and slipped on shoes, grabbing your key and heading out the door.

True to your word, you pulled up to the house 15 minutes later, parking on the side of the street and heading straight into the house. When the guys saw you, they visibly brightened up. 

“You guys are such fucking wimps.” You rolled your eyes as you made your way towards the stairs. 

Baze chuckled, “We love you Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes and continued on your way, stopping by Casie’s room to see if she was asleep. To your surprise, she wasn’t. 

“Hey sweet girl,” you whispered as you entered her room, “why are you still up?”

She smiled a little when she saw you. “Couldn’t sleep. I’m really worried about Dad.” 

You leaned on her doorframe, sending her a sad smile. “I am too. But he’ll be okay. Your dad’s pretty tough.”

“I know,” she sighed, “but he really liked Megan.”

“Did you?” You ask, trying to gauge her emotions. 

“I mean, I guess so. She was nice to me. Most of his girlfriends aren’t that nice to me.” 

“That’s a pretty shitty way to measure if you like someone or not.” She giggles at that. “Don’t tell your dad I said that word in front of you.”

“Ok. She was nice. And she made him happy so, yeah, I guess I liked her. Not as much as I like you but...” Casie’s voice got higher as she dragged out the last word and you just rolled your eyes with a chuckle. 

Casie had this fantasy of you and Colson getting married one day, but you always told her it would never happen. 

“Ok kiddo, whatever you say.” You teased her, “try and get some sleep, okay?” 

She nodded with a smile. “Are you gonna go talk to Dad?”

“Yeah. I’ll talk to you later, okay? If you need to come over and talk or stay the night or anything just call me, okay?”

“Okay. Love you.” She said quietly. 

“Love you too, Case.”

You shut the door to her room, moving down the hallway to Colson’s door. You took a deep breath, trying to mentally prepare for what was about to happen, and knocked. 

“I told you guys to go the fuck away.” A muffled yet angry voice said from the opposite side of the door.

“It’s me, Cols. Y/N.” You said, hoping he could hear you. 

When you got no response you asked, “Can I come in?” 

A few more seconds of silence followed, and then the lock clicked and the door opened. You stood face-to-face with your best friend. His hair was a mess, falling in his face. The bags under his eyes were darker than ever, and the frown he wore made him look even more pathetic. You felt your heart breaking. 

As you met his eyes, you gave him a sad smile. “Hey Cols.” 

Instead of responding, he wrapped his arms around you, leaning down and resting his head on your shoulder. You reached up and ran your fingers through his hair. 

He started walking backwards, pulling you with him as he continued to hug you. One of his hands pushed the door shut and he sat on his bed, finally letting go of you. 

You looked down at him, grabbing his hand and holding it in your own. It was something you had done before, you two were very touchy people and so half of your friendship was just you two cuddling or play fighting or holding hands.

“So we can do one of three things,” you started, “We can talk about it, we can cuddle and watch something stupid and pretend nothing’s wrong, or we can get high and do something stupid.”

For the first time in what you would imagine to be all night, Colson smiled. it was a very small smile, but you took it. 

He looked up at you through his eyelashes. “And by stupid you mean...”

You rolled your eyes, “I mean we can go set off bottle rockets in the backyard or try to jump off your roof and into the pool.” 

“Oh damn. I was hoping you were gonna say you would suck my dick.” 

Your eyes widened at his bluntness and the implication. You shoved his shoulder, “Colson! That’s gross!” You giggled, but his expression was unwaveringly serious. 

“I’m being serious.” He deadpanned and you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Colson what the fuck?” Your mind was spinning trying to figure out if he was joking. 

You got your answer when he stood up, grabbing your waist and leaning over you. “I thought you’d want to...” 

You took in a breath at the sudden proximity, trying to back away from him but his grip remaining firmly on your waist. “Colson, stop. Please. This isn’t funny.” 

You could smell the alcohol on his breath and you had to keep reminding yourself of that fact. He’s drunk, and sad, and doesn’t know what he’s saying. 

“I thought you’d want to, cause it’ll make me happy. And you’ll do anything to make me happy.” One of his hands reached up and grabbed your jaw, making sure you couldn’t look away.

“Colson you’re being a fucking weirdo, let me go.” You raised your voice. Your heart was racing at this point and the thoughts flowing around your head were not pretty. 

You were always anxious for the day he’d figure you out. When he’d finally realize how you felt for him. But this was worse than anything you’d thought of. 

“You’ll do anything to make me happy because you love me, right?” 

You felt tears stinging in your eyes, wanting nothing more but to look away from his sinister expression. The way he was looking at you made it very clear that he was enjoying your discomfort, your embarrassment. 

“Colso-” 

He walked forwards, pushing you gently against the wall. His arms went to either side of you, his face inches from yours. You tried to look away, but his hand on your jaw forced you to face him.

Any other time you would have loved for Colson to pin you against his wall, but this was wrong. 

“Just say it. Say you’re in love with me, and I’ll drop it.” 

“Colson, what the fuck are you on right now?” You tried to steer the topic away from you, but he wouldn’t have it. 

“Say it.” 

You reached up to try and push his chest away from you, but he was much taller and stronger than you, so you did nothing. 

“Just tell me!” He yelled at your silence. A tear slipped down your cheek as you trembled under him. His face was red and his eyes were watering. 

 “Why are you doing this?” You whispered. This all felt like a bad dream, like a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. 

“Because I need to know if she was right.” His voice got a little quieter, but he still wouldn’t move away from you. “I need to know if the reason the love of my fucking life just left me is true.”

You were shaking, your breaths getting shorter. “What are you talking about.” Your words were choked. The grip on your jaw started to get a little too tight.

“I defended you!” He yelled, tears falling from his face. “She told me that you were in love with me and I defended you.”

“Colson you’re hurting me.” You whined, trying to wriggle your way out of his grasp. He ignored your statement and continued talking, but his grip loosened slightly.

“And then she told me that she thinks I’m in love with you.” His voice was getting darker. “And that’s why she left. So I want to make it very clear to you.” He paused, leaning closer to your ear. “I will never love you. Ever. Not now, not in a million lifetimes. You mean nothing to me.”

Your vision was blurry from your tears, so you blindly reached out to push him away from you. His body seemed to have given up, as he moved backwards out of your way, stumbling slightly. Through your tears you could make out a smug smile on the man before you ran out of the room, slamming the door behind you.

You ran down the stairs, the guys waiting for you to give them good news, but their hope turned to concern once they saw you. You walked straight past them towards the door, not trusting yourself to say anything without breaking completely.

As you reached for the door handle you heard a faint yell from upstairs, followed by loud banging, and then silence. You sniffled, turning the handle and leaving the house, much to the protest of your friends.

[kyovtani]

ASKS

hey babies! i’ve decided to answer the asks about back to life one and two like this because ive received so so so many and you guys blew me away so answering every single one of them is the least i can do to show you guys just how grateful i am. thank you so much for giving both parts SO much love, i love and appreciate you guys and the support you’re constantly sending my way with my whole entire heart <33

BYE THE FIC IS SO GOOD SO FAR. MY ANXIETY THO FROM THE ENDING, LIKE PLS KYO REALIZE THE MCS ANXIETY PLS DONT GO OUT WITH SORA PLEASE PLEASE HE SEEN HOW SHE DIDNT LOOK OKAY WHEN HE CAME IN PLEASE REALIZE HER ANXIETY PLEASE

– THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !! this was the very first ask about back to life and it’s honestly the cutest thing ever! I hc Kyoutani to be rally understanding of things like anxiety and depression, generally mental health so that’s why it was easy for him to understand the reader’s situation and mindset! 

BACK TO LIFE!!!!!!!! MY HEART!!!!!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SO GOOD!!!!! i was really excited when you started posting about it!! i can't wait for part 2, i wanna know how they fix this!

AAAH !! thank you so much for the love and support baby!!!! I really hope you enjoyed part 2 just as much, sending you lots of smooches MWAH

OH MY GOD THE KYO FIC IS AMAZING

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!!! 

OH MY GOD YOUR KYOUTANI FIC HAS ME ACTUALLY FROTHING I LOVE IT SM

IM NOT KIDDING WHEN I SAY THAT MY JAW ACTUALLY DROPPED AT THE LAST COUPLE PARAGRAPHS AS WELL I CANT WAIT FOR PART 2

AAAH YOU GUYS !!! this made me so happy !!! thank you so much and I hope part two met your expectations and you enjoyed the ending MWAH!! 

HOLY FUCK THAT KYOUTANI FIC WHEW IT WAS SO SO GOOD IM SO EXCITED FOR PART 2

thank you for the food <33

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE LOVE AND SUPPORT BABY !!!

YOUR KYOTANI FIC AHHHHHHH my heart can’t handle this

I AM SO GLAD YOU ENJOYED IT BABY !!!

OW THE END ON BACK TO LIFE HURTED THOUGH GDFGHJDFHJRY

Was overwhelmed by the hurty that I forgot to say how much I ADORE your characterization of Kyoutani. fdjkhgjkgdr

THANK YOU SO MUCH !! honestly- that means the world to me, probably the best compliment you can give me :((

Back to life was so good OMG 😳😳 HELLO??? You're amazing

Thank you so much, my love! it honestly is everything to me when you guys tell me such sweet things I love you so much MWAH!!

the new fic did not help me with my insecurities now i’m just frustrated and insecure. great writing tho.

honestly- same. when I wrote this, I lit indulgent every bit of my mind working into this fic and thats why it means so much to me ?? so youre not alone, my love; but thank you so much <33

The way I panicked at the end of the fic thinking there wasn’t gonna be more to it, holy shi that fox was so good I almost cried thinking they were just gonna end things like that 🥺🥺🥺🥺

I’d NEVER end a fic like that- I hate bad endings and cannot stand cliffhangers but the formatting didn't give me another choice im sorry for the heart attack baby kfhflashsj but am glad you liked it!

@au-roraaa said: ZADE I WAS NEVER A KYO FUCKER BUT I THINK YOUVE CONVERTED ME HOLY FUCKSJFJSJDJSN

THIS IS MY JOB AT THIS POINT I WANT YOU ALL TO TURN INTO KYOU FUCKERS KSSSOH 

UR THE BEST WRITER WTF?? WHEN DO U THINK PART TWO WOULD BE UP... and does kyoutani flirt with sora 😣💔

YOU GUYS- NOOO- pls my heart made a loop :(( I love you so much :(( thank you baby and I think now you know what he does with sora MWAH

@kawakuto said: hi hi zade!🤩 (ajdjs idk if you remember me but i moved main blogs and I was @/gukooky before LOL) THE KYOUTANI FIC ANDJWNS I DIDNT EXPECT THE END WAHHHH🥺🥺 it was so well written omg I loved it!! (wtf kyoutani, you said we were going slow what if I wasn’t ready to call u my boyfriend wtffff😔😔 pain.)

AAAAH OFC I DO REMMEBER !! hope youre doing well baby !!! and thank you SO much for your sweet words, I honestly appreciate them so much :((<33

pls I’m in love with your writing. You write kyoutani so well so now I’ll always be grabbing at any crumbs you send my way 🥵

thank you so so so much baby!!!! these kinda words always hit me right at the heart, I appreciate them so much and I love you sm much

bb i love ur kyoutani fic sm :(( ur rlly so talented <33 i look forward to pt 2 ^3^

thank you so much baby, sending a smooch your way mwah 

zade that kyoutani piece im in so much pain why would u do this to me 💔💔💔💔

believe me when I say It hurt me even more than you </3

I just finished reading part 2 and it waS SO GOODAJSFHJLFG you did amazing!! (n˘v˘•)¬

THANK YOU SO MUCH BABY !!!

Hi! New nonnie coming through :) First time I'm writing something because I'm such a nervous wreck but I just had to

THE FIC WAS SO GOOD THE VIBES ARE CHEFS KISS. IT WAS SO GOOD I LITERALLY DROOLED I CAN NOT GET OVER IT !

Mister kyotani pls rail me thanks 🐱

THANK YOU AAAH YOURE SO CUTE !!! I truly appreciate this with my whole entire heart so thank you so much baby, hope you have a good one mwah

Wait did he do anything with Sora?

nope!! they just went to the party together but in my mind he didn’t even hug her and she didn’t try anything else, too, simply bc she knew how in love he is with reader!!

YOUR MINDDDDD!! THE KYOU FIC WAS SOOOO GOOOD!! Omg i hope you do a part 3 😭😭

i have a Little sequel which is really really soft but I'd love to write some more for it! 

@soranihimawari said: Part 1 & 2 with kyoutani was amazing as always Zade! I really liked the ending. This was such a fun read. I was wondering who’s else would be sharing the apartment with Kyoutani. What made you choose tattoo artist Iwa & Oikawa? Those two made me chuckle with the way they came in like that. Hope you have a great day/evening/late night/etc.

✌🏼&💜

—sora—

aaah thank you so so much, baby!! I truly appreciate your sweet words, youre the cutest! regarding your question: You shares an apartment with Iwa, Oikawa and Yahaba (who also works at the tattoo studio!) and i don't know to be really honest- I just like the thought of these three being really good friends so after contemplating whether or not to go with iwaoi or matsuhana, I ended up going with those two dorks! hope you have a good one baby mwah!!

@sakusapetals said: PLEASEE I LOVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCH

AAAH THANK YOU SO SO MUCH BABY !!! I LOVE YOU SM 

How long did it take you to write the entire two parts? Like wow that’s alot👁👄👁 i adore long fics though

oooh- hm ?? tbh i don't really know ?? I can’t remember ?? I think it took me about a month or like three weeks since I did write it all in one go yk? it was the only WIP I worked on during that time and it felt SO relieving to publish it! 

AAAHHH the kyou fic was a masterpiece bb!!! ❤️❤️

thank you so so so much baby!!<33

U LITERLALT WRIYE KYOU THE BEST ABSOLUTE BEST. he’s so aggressive and demanding but he still is willing to show someone special his vulnerability. I LOVE READING STUFF ABOUT HIM FROM U

AAAAH thank you so much- you guys have no idea how much these kinda comments mean to me- I love you so MUCH MWAH 

I just read the first part of "back to life" an it had me speechless so many times, almost cried at the end, it's honestly so well written. I'm off to read part two. Have a nice day 🐰

sdoalfsla thank you so much baby! I hope you enjoyed both parts equally as much and thank you for all the love mwah!!<3

Hana is a baddie

SHE IS!! she’s literally the baddest bitch to ever exist ft. saeko ofc but nobody acknowledges it </3

@tonhwa said: I’m in love with the way you write kyoutani pls. Even your previous fics on your old account ( if you don’t mind me mentioning it ) are so fucking amazing. GOSH YOU CHARACTERIZE HIM SO WELL AND THE PLOT IS ALWAYS SO JUICY AND INTERESTING I CANT HELP BUT GO BACK AND READ IT. and then you release this fucking wonderful piece and I feel like it’s my birthday even though it’s already passed LOL ty ily have a wonderful day I’m sobbing tears of happiness

YOU GUYS PLEASE- the fact this made me tear up when I first read it- thank you SO much honestly. knowing you guys enjoy my characterization of my favorite character is honestly everything to me so thank you sm I love you baby have a good one!!<3

I’ve been on this app from high school, and now I’m a college grad. I have to say I’ve never sent a message to anyone I’ve followed. But that tattoo artist! Kyou fic, part 1 and 2 are 😩💕 *chefs kiss* you are one of my favorite writers I’ve ever followed since joining this app. You NEVER disappoint!

-💕 a very satisfied reader

thank you so much baby!! aaah this is honestly so so sweet :(( thank you for taking the time out of your day to send me such a sweet thing, I appreciate it and you so much mwah!!

i gotta say babe THANK YOU FOR THE KYOTANI CONTENT!! muAAAAHH💞💞

NOO THANK YOU GUYS FOR GIVING IT SO MUCH LOVE MWAH!!!

i love kyoutani and he obvs deserves his dick sucked 🤧🤧 but i catch him posting up with other girls I DONT CARE THE SITUATION he gonna catch these hands for a real one 👊🏼👆🏼🤜🏼🥊🥊 kidding 😐😐😐 he’d body me

pls the way this had me chuckling like crazy bc same sajlskjpw he can get mad all he want but he better stay his pretty ass where he is- by my side  😌

[moondeitys]

1, 2, 4, 5, and 23 :)

questions for multimuses / accepting.

1. Which muse(s) is/are your favourite(s)?

aaaaa im very very very fond of atsumu and sousuke honestly... atsumu bc i think he’s incredibly fun to write, nd i love exploring what his dynamics will look like with other muses (esp since hes a menace,,, just a teenage dirtbag baby,,,,, but hes also an incredibly kind nd selfless person at times nd the contrast between the ‘idc what other ppl think of me’ vs ‘i care what ppl who are close 2 me nd what they think abt’ is just very fun 2 explore :0) !! sousuke is my favorite to write bc i definitely connect with a lot of his mindset (like choosing 2 hide his injury for the longest time so he can swim w rin) nd also bc hes unexpectedly funny ??? hes this very straight-laced character nd whenever there’s a moment where i can write him 2 be funny i Will bc i think hes a secret comedian

2. Which muse(s) do you wish had more interactions?

any and all of my ocs JHGSDHJKGS as much as i love love lovee writing canon characters, i do wish i could have the chance to write my ocs as well nd rly explore what i can do with their development JHGSHJKGS

4. Name a muse you have written in the past. What was your favourite thing about this muse?

im trying not 2 fall into recency bias bc of goldstolen JHGSJKS so im thiNKING....... i dont write canons too often (most of my rping history is rooted in original characters bc i used 2 get like ... anxious over ppl who rp’d the same character as me) but i used to write steve rogers !!! my favorite thing abt him was definitely exploring how he healed and coped with being in a completely different era nd how he still was v kind nd stood up for his beliefs :) <3 to this day steve is still a huge comfort character 2 me but i do not see endgame LMAOOAOOA

5. Name a muse you wish to write in the future. What’s your favourite thing about this muse?

the way my mind jus blanKED LAMOAOAJKAJSHE a muse in the future,,,, i mean one day i’d like 2 write thanatos from hades ??? game-wise ive literally just met him once but my absolute favorite thing abt him is just like . the dialogue,,, he’s got quips yall . i would like 2 see it. than,,, if ur reading this,,, pls show up in my playthrough again .... elysium is a fuckin PAINNN

23. Tag a multimuse blog and write some positivity about them (their blog, their muses, etc.)

im gonna do a few bc <3

@isolov - hi layla ofc i was gonna do u first lOLOL anyways i love ur writing and ur characterization like every single time u just blow my mind away with how canon ur muses feel,,,, like u truly have a good grasp on all the characters u choose to write nd i can tell a lot of love nd care goes into them nd i absolutely adore u as a writing partner shipping partner nd enabler LOL

@lovenwar - we only recently became mutuals (but im pretty sure ive followed u on other blogs LMAOOO) but like,,,,,, the fact u can commit 2 so many muses,,,,, i want what u have JKEHHJES i think its v cool how u continuously are updating ur roster nd how ur always like,,,, in the mindset ?? i guess idk how 2 word this,,, of ur muses !!

@cherrywished - love u nd ur ocs nd ur canons i think u have such a good grasp on their characterization nd ur ocs are so rich w lore like u gotta teach me how 2 do it ...... also i think ur very nice nd fun <3

[pinkykitten]

I was tagged by @writing-with-melon I hope my answers aren’t complete waste or if time and if so I’m sorry and I love you

Rules: Answer ten 10 questions, ask 10, and tag 10 people

1. What song automatically plays in your head when you look out the window on a long drive? 

i dont really have an answer for this. i think i just automatically think about any song ive been listening to recently or any song that has been stuck in my head. 

2.  Do you have some snacks nearby when you write?

well i live in a two story house so the kitchen is downstairs and im usually lazy busy so since i have a mini fridge upstairs i just usually get water to drink while im writing. its kinda hard to eat and write cuz i loose focus really easily so when i am writing i am writing! i am in the zone! but if i am a little hungry ill usually snack on candy like chocolate kinder joys i love them but they r so expensive or snack on chips but i get like salt on my fingers or i like cheetos so cheetos dust and that just gets everywhere and later my hands and keyboard kinda smell like fart. 3. What do you do to combat creative burnout?

so burnout happens to me a lot so to get inspiration i either read other stories or fanfics which gets my head gears turning or i admire a piece of art or photography or a song. whats so unique and satisfying with writing you can explore and go anywhere with it, hehehe erotic if you know what i mean lol jk there are no barriers with writing just your imagination. there is inspiration any where you go and id advise to never stop writing. even if its a few short sentences or paragraphs about anything even bird poop its still progression and your mind is working and your searching for words like its all good for you bby.  4. Do you use (or like to use) prompts? 

i do ill put the link here. im thinking of changing it though to do something different. 

5. What is your favorite place to write?

lol boring, i know but my room. my room is really bright in the mornings and comfortable and chill and i have a candle of the pandora ride in disney that smells like the ride so its all good and relaxing and super peaceful plus i have a picture of myself the age of like 9 on my desk idk why but it encourages me and makes me focus to make sure i never get that cringy again. 

6. What is a hobby or yous that you usually don’t talk about?

well i like working out HAHAHAHAHA jk that was a joke...get it...cuz i much rather be eatingokillstop. but i really like to draw which i have a art page you can see it if you click here pls look at my failed attempts to be hip and cool with the cool kids and being artsy fartsy. another hobby is i really like to do makeup and nail art, nail art is really tough guys no joke if you do it like you got wizard powers are something. maybe its bc my nails are shorter than pete davidson and ariana grande’s relationship, alright im trying to stop i swear!

7. Do you play an instrument? Which one?

no i wish though. i always wanted to learn to either play the piano or electric guitar cuz H.E.R looks so cool doing it. 

8. How do you feel about your handwriting?

it sucks dont even try me. my sister can barely read it like no wonder nobody wants to steal my signature heck they can’t even read it!

9. Can you tell us of a story that marked your development as a person? As a writer?

ok sit back guys, sniff a nice amount of crack and get ready for the most cringy moment of my life but also a time when i knew i was meant to be *inhale* a fanfic writer. 

so it was elementary school, i think 3rd grade and for my writing assignment we were given a prompt of idk what the heck tbh i think it was like be outside the box and im like ok imma nail this cuz im a weird child and yeah so i got my papers and pencil and i went TO TOWN on this paper. so i wrote two stories. one short story with a picture to go with it and one long story that yeah i buried years ago. so my first story was about a farmer was about that farming life. he had chickens and dairy. so i cant remember if the cheese was spoiled but doesnt matter. anywho these cheese and a chicken were alive like they could talk in the story and i gave them faces, yikes. but the whole story was the farmer was a b*tch and he was trying to eat the chicken and cheese so they hatched a plan to get away from the farmer. they did it successfully and they ran away. yay happy ending my teacher actually liked that one me too and my school mates were thinking what they heck is this girl on i made a story about how me and justin bieber made cookies for Christmas you know. so then my other story i was more proud of this one cuz it was a tone of paper, sorry trees, and this story was about how a female hippo (girl i was all about plus size and thicker girls and no body shaming) and an male ostrich were kidnapped from their own habitats and taken to become circus animals. failed version of Madagascar hey mine was before the circus movie OK THEY STOLE IT FROM MEEEEE. so they get taken and are treated to harsh punishment and the animals can talk and i think its in the point of view of the male ostrich guy thing. they are in the circus and they start to have this relationship happening. love starts blossoming its all good. im happy with this cuz i believed in love at age of 8. they find a way thru a kick butt scene of the animals escaping and the hippo and ostrich are so in love that they run away together and they have half hippo half ostrich babies and i think i named the species  hipstrich or like ostppo idk but i was so proud of this story and when my teacher read it she was worried about me lol i think she thought i might like mate these two animals like secretly idk but she was like it was ok and i was like what this is frickin William Shakespeare writing or like F. Scott Fitzgerald writing. nevertheless it taught me a lesson that nobody else needs to like what im writing the main point and only thing that matters is if your proud of it and you like it and i really did. i will remember that story forever and thats what made me want to be a writer. lol sorry that was a lot. 

10. @emdop I’m going to use this great question: Explain one of your WIPs in the most ridiculous way possible. 

wellllll im working on my peaky blinders oc story its a lot of drugs money killing weapons jewelry rich profanities like its the show but written from my stubby hands so my oc and whatever its great and so excited to show it to you guys. 

MY QUESTIONS:

1. WHAT MADE YOU WANT TO START TUMBLR?

2. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ANYTHING OF THIS WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

3. WHAT QUALITY IS IMPORTANT TO YOU?

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OUTFIT?

5. WHAT MAKES YOU SMILE?

6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SONG IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

7. IF YOU COULD VISIT A PLACE, WHERE WOULD IT BE?

8. WHAT SHOW OR MOVIE UNIVERSE WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN?

9. WHAT IS THE SCARIEST MOMENT OF YOUR LIFE?

10. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE IN THIS WORLD THAN ANYTHING ELSE?

im tagging: @thatlittlered, @ardentmuse, @acciosnapes, @lotsoffandomimagines, @collecting-stories, @blog-of-a-multitude-of-fandoms, @naughtyneganjdm, @lenahellgizibe and two random followers @spiritsent, @sucker-for-my-fandoms

i was tagged by @writing-with-melon again ty btw, ps i felt so much pressure lol jk 😊

Rules: Answer 5 questions, Ask 5 questions, Tag 5 people.

1. What is your favorite book?

fifty shades of grey hahaha naw my favorite book is obv you all know this is series of unfortunate events but i never usually cry period and i never cry for books ever so when i read mrs. tom thumb by melanie benjamin, its the part when her sister minnie dies i cried so hard idk it was just emotional the wording the way she described her pain it was so beautiful written yet so sad and that was just amazing to me cuz im like this book made me feel things and im like wow i would love to write a book one day and make someone feel something whether it be sadness anger happiness annoyance anything they are having an emotion and that is super powerful to do that with just words. pls go check out that book its a good read. also im a fan of the greatest showman so i really enjoyed it. there are many other books tho that i thoroughly enjoy so much. 

2. What piece that you’ve written are you most proud of?

oh my god ive always wanted to be asked this question hands down i am always proud of my platonic gender neutral tony stark fic called in·con·sol·a·ble window to me i wrote it so sad and i was feeling like depressed lol when i saw peter die in infinity war like i didnt know what to do with my life tbh but im so glad that @impetrichorny requested it tysm i just like how its not based on romance or fluff or happiness it is based on when you lose someone the nightmares and sadness you go through and that there is nothing nobody can do about it except just be there for that person so i really like writing angst and something that was out of the box. ive been thinking tho of doing a part two since the fate of all the characters has changed after endgame. who knows tho. 

3. What is the last song that inspired you? 

well for art it would have to good news by mac miller when i did that kobe bryant memorial on my art page. i dont want to give it away though but ill just say some very powerful womens music inspired my oc writing and making. 

4. How do you feel about letting people read what you write?

at first i was scared cuz i thought i wrote like trash which that feeling kinda doesnt go away like some days i feel that way others i feel confident or it depends on the request it just depends but anyways i was always insecure about my writing so when i started writing it was more like lets see how this goes if not ill delete the whole page. im glad to say it went great but in the begging it was hard cuz i kept putting myself down but i learned to accept or just understand that you keep learning with writing you always learn knew things with writing how you can explain something better or you words get more intricate and people see the improvement and you do too thats why i applaud those who dont speak english that english isnt their first language. you are doing a tremendous job and keep practicing cuz you’re gonna make it to the top. ive also learned that some days are not my days and you can take time off when youre not feeling it when you have writers block. just recollect your juices sip some tea go to the beach relax your mind a little and take as long as you need to come back and give it your all. also comments and reblogs and likes a follows those meant so much to me and encouraged me. thats why i cant express it enough how much all those mean to writers, artist, photographers, anybody who is truly trying their hard in this area of social media. its makes a person happy smile and confident in their writing but first train your mind into loving what you make not what others thing. you have to be happy with the outcome that is what truly matters and what makes your writing the best. look at me getting philosophical. 

5. Do you get distracted easily? If yes with what?

yes and with porn haha i get distracted easily like very easily homeschooling was really tough for me. music distracts me, netflix, the urge to watch david dobrik or unus annus or buzzfeed unsolved on youtube, heck my farts distract me. i gotta be like troy bolton i gotta get my HEAD IN THE GAME!

MY QUESTIONS:

1. IF YOU COULD BE NAMED SOMETHING ELSE, WHAT WOULD YOU BE NAMED?

2. WHAT PERSON INSPIRES YOU THE MOST?

3. IF YOU KNEW THE WORLD WAS ENDING TOMORROW WHAT WOULD YOU DO TODAY?

4. WHAT DO YOU OFTEN THINK ABOUT IN THE SHOWER?

5. WHATS YOUR WEIRD COMBINATION FOOD?

im tagging: @thatlittlered​, @ardentmuse​, @acciosnapes​, @lotsoffandomimagines​, @collecting-stories​ AND WHOEVER WANTS TO DO THIS IF YOU FOLLOW ME OR LIKE MY STORIES TAG ME ILL READ YOUR ANSWERS. HOPE I DID THIS RIGHT SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING MWUAH 

[avpdpunpun]

i disappeared for 3/4ths a year here’s an update?

its been 4 months since my queue ran out and way longer since i wrote an actual post. 8 months about? i think i last posted when i impulse quit a job that was bad for my mental health and just kept getting worse.

sometimes i wonder when ppl who blog about mental illness disappear if they’ve died. there was a big user i used to follow who did, and i still occasionally think about it sometimes, so i figure its nice to post updates sometimes. and being able to look back on posts ive written and reflect on them/what state of mind i was in can be helpful even if it can be embarrassing/dangerous because its so easy to fall back into those thinking habits 

after quitting my job i did basically nothing for 6 months haha. at some point i managed to clean out my room which i had done the bare minimum on for years because of depression, took out more built up trash than i thought was possible to fit into my small space. its disgusting but the only thing i struggle to keep up with now at least is vacuuming and putting clothes away so my space is a lot cleaner and it makes me happier. your living space can really have an effect on your mood bless you marie kondo

after my post about having an anxiety attack taking my test i got my drivers license in march. i saw the same lady again after going somewhere else and i think she just let me pass because she felt bad haha. i never finished drivers ed and i still get anxiety about driving unfamiliar routes but my skills and confidence have improved a lot. i managed to drive 2 hours to a big city to visit a friend! i literally didnt have a choice in getting my license, but its still something i can be proud of. like, when i have to explain it to people, it feels extremely shitty that i didnt get it until i was 20, and only about 5 months ago too but... for someone who struggles as much as me, i have to be proud of it my small accomplishments or i’ll have nothing.

at some point something in my brain just snapped and i literally havent been able to cry? for a long time in those 6 months i felt like i was right on the edge of breaking down mentally but never actually crossing that line and it was honestly one of the weirdest things ive experienced. i almost wanted to have a breakdown again just to get rid of the feeling and reach a catharsis like... i used to be a fucking crybaby almost but i. cant. anymore. but i think ive mostly moved away from this point... still feel kinda weird tho.

i didnt end up signing up to a local school fo gen eds. its still on my mind for the vague future because there’s topics i want to learn about (psychology, natural resources, languages...) and maybe try to pursue for a career but really i just wanted a way to get out of my toxic house, even if it meant going into debt to live in a shitty dorm. 

in the last 30 days though life has been moving extremely quickly for me. i dont think i couldve lived with myself much longer being a useless adult basically living in my basement bedroom of my parents house, especially with my younger siblings getting nearer to adult milestones, plus my savings were starting to run out.

so literally next weekend, i’m moving out! and i make enough money right now that with the rough budget i have established, if its accurate, i’ll have a decent amount of wiggle room and hopefully wont be ruining my mental health just trying to make ends meet.

it took a long time of searching but i managed to find a job that hasnt made me suicidal and has slightly more than the MIT living wage for my area lol. im a janitor now! we’ll see how long it lasts but a lot of the factors from my last two jobs that contributed to my failing mental health are gone. i rarely have to interact with other people, and if i do its my coworkers, of who i tend to only see for minutes per day, or the other people working in the building i clean who at most i have to say hi and have a nice night to lol. i get to listen to music and podcasts for 8 hours and its very routine heavy. i have to clock out after the 8 hours is up so i literally cant be forced into overtime. a lot of people dont respect cleaning jobs like this but honestly who gives a fuck, its something i can handle mentally and support myself with. its still hard adjusting to 40 hours. i know its the standard, but the standard is rly tough for me, but i think i can do it long term.

all of this has been achieved through sheer self hatred and impulse alone, and im very nervous about moving in with 3 other people even if 1 of them ive known for 8 years, and i dont think its even properly hit me yet. literally cant register that i have to fend 100% for myself but also ill be away from my toxic family! i can bring my cat with me, who before this i got to see at MOST once a week!

a dude ive known online for two or more years is moving to my area too for college and he’s so sweet and kind, i feel better talking to him than i have 99% of people in my life and im so lucky to know him. ive been forced to talk about personal things i was kind of dreading (not his fault, just a result of our relationship going to go from online -> irl and things id have to address beforehand) and honestly i didnt even mind it that much when i just got it over with and talked about it to him! vulnerability is literally the thing i struggle with the most in interpersonal relationships and is a huge block for me in every way and in even the most mundane life situations but like... he’s honestly the best and im getting emotional writing this and its weird af because i straight up dont GET emotional about other people. ive absolutely developed a stupid fucking crush on him recently and i THINK hes been receptive to flirting and i cant tell if he flirts back because we already say i love you and are wholesome af but honestly no clue if he’s into (trans) dudes but honestly? even if it doesnt work out im so happy to be friends with him and im so excited to finally meet him!! i really think knowing him has helped me improve myself 

i’ve always thought that if i could literally just achieve the bare minimum in life that things would naturally get better. like i’m still mentally ill and get paranoid about peoples intentions and i think if my boss yelled at me id have an anxiety attack on the spot. im still depressed and hate that i have low energy and that it’s still rly hard doing basic chores. 

but like a huge part of my problem was that i felt like i literally couldn’t TRY to connect with people if i couldn’t face having to tell them bare info about myself, like “oh i cant drive” or “i dont have a job” or that i was living with my parents but not even making PROGRESS on getting out. like how could i make friends or go on dates if i literally couldnt contribute shit or admit these things i was so ashamed of? a lot of my self image was shaped by this because my entire life i havent been mentally well enough to do as well as i should have.

but like. i feel like im finally doing these basic things!! i dont have to hate myself so much anymore! i dont look badly on other mentally ill ppl who are less lucky than i/havent been able to do those things yet/might not ever and are still in the same situation i was 2 months ago but the self hatred is strong pls understand.

i dont know yet if i could afford twice yearly drs visits for meds or anything and probably not therapy. i dont even know what my insurance is yet haha. but i’ll see

i need to figure out at what point in my life im going to be able to never contact a single person in my family ever again, considering i’ll be a 20 min drive away and they will know the precise location of where i live, and if i’ll ever feel safe enough in society to start hrt but :^) you know :^) i can at least present more masculinely in the meantime!

i dont rly know how to conclude this... i’m not trying to brag either im just very nervous and excited about where my life might be going for the first time ever? maybe? in my entire life? i have no clue what to pursue after moving out, but i can figure it out. and just... that there’s hope even if youre as fucked up and mentally ill as i am lmao!

[postcards-from-absurdland]

Hi my darling! Here some questions: 3, 5, 23 and 43! Have a nice day! ~

Hahahah, Finally after over a year I figured you probably meant this ask set: https://postcards-from-absurdland.tumblr.com/post/169103984189/this-is-the-most-unique-one-ive-seen-please-yes (If you ment something different pls message me)3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“Alijev quickly rebounded and soon moved his business to a more prominent location” (self-translation from a Polish novel “Warszawski Niebotyk”)

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

My boyfriend does write me love poems, but they’re not about me precisely.

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

Ooooh, OK. It’s a whole story. 

When I was 17 I went on a 2-week shitty backpacking trip organised by a tourist centre, with a group of, as it turned out, very annoying people, and I omitted them as much as possible. However, being underage and pliant af, I never went fully astray, meaning (aside from one occasion) after doing my thing the whole day I always met them in pre-planned accomodations.

And once we ended up in a tourist home that was the most disgusting and exhausting and depressing place in my life. It’s not that it was particularly dirty (though it was), I don’t mind dirt really, but: 1) despite being in the middle of our “wild-and-peaceful-mountains” trip it was next to a busy road. 2) There was a group of five men occupying the kitchen with their cheap ass beers and frying something super stinky and mirky on all the frying pans aveliable. 3) There was a TV, and it blasted on full volume all night long. Worst. Experience. Ever.

I mean I was also in a lot of hospitals - admitted, visiting, volountiring - including mental hospitals - and they are sad, frightening, and upsetting places, probably most so, but you kind of? expect them to be that way? This one just took me by surprise.

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go! This is the first song I remember liking in my life, besides child verses. It’s been pre-recorded on a child keyboard I got for Christmas of 1998…

[wildfangz]

@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want. 

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’.  i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust. 

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me 

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway 

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway! 

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

21

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

[moonhoures]

my semester is finally over!! i passed out for 2 days and finally back on tumblr, hope you’ve been doing good and well <3 ive been wanting to talk abt kyun so much for the past few weeks and I bet you’ve seen blonde kyun heh anyways presenting my biggest brain rot of the week is this 😭😭😭 the way he had the audacity to get shy after saying this like??? that’s not fair wtf;;; hes so cute but so hot ugh 😠 ok but like for context, before he said this kihyun and him was like waaa must be so nice to have someone waiting for you at home and they got all soft and kyun was covering his face w his hands and making all these cute noises (attached here) and then while kihyun proceeded to actually think of snacks to make changkyun literally and i quote he said “well first off upon coming home he should start off by washing his hands, then maybe a light kiss?” he phrased it in a way that meant to start with a kiss 😭😵‍💫 and that just got me thinking all sorts of hard and soft thoughts like??? that video of him looking all shy while his pupils shifted left and right w his small shy smile has resurfaced on my timeline everyday and ive just been itching to talk to someone about this im literally so weak…wtf i want someone to write a fic inspired by this istg he’s so 😭 sometimes i question my choice of self learning korean bc sometimes the things some idols say aren’t as accurately translated to convey the exact nuance and meaning behind it so im always screaming alone;;; (which is why I absolutely love reading your fics bc you put in a lot of detail to the dialogues and expressions used and ugh ur attentiveness in writing is always chefs kiss you describe anything you write so well that it never makes me feel like im kissing something so i can truly indulge in the story) anyways pls talk to me abt this kyun bc ive been crying over this for the past week 🥺 also I’ve read your new fic and it’s just…amazing. i havent been able to organise my thoughts after reading that but for now i can just say that it’s just amazing beautifully written and just so good ❤️‍🔥 anyways i hope you have a good day today!! /whispers/ you and bunny are so cute <3

- 💐

ahhhh welcome back!! i’ve been doing great, and i hope you have been too! i would love to talk abt kyun but it seems your links didn’t show up in the message so i’m a little lost bestie 🥺 and thank you so much ;-; sometimes i worry that i put too much detail in my stories but i’m just a detail whore so i can’t help it 😔 i’m so happy you liked 2v1!! thanks for reading it 💓 i hope you have a lovely day, darling 😊☀️

[sukisdeliveryservice]

hi ash! sorry that im a little late, ive been a bit preoccupied these few days, but im glad you like talking to me :D i rly like talking to you too <3 i appreciate that you put so much effort into answering everything T-T i do have discord actually! id love to continue talking over there after this :D also this is crazy long so dont rush yourself sjhdjdjd

if you want any nct music recs in the future you can come to me 😌 i really love hello future!! i say this about every title track during every comeback but its really my favourite one right now! 

YOU PLAYED DRUMS?? thats so cool :O ive always found drummers rly attractive sjshjehdjsh 

the have i evers :

i have never! been to a concert, ive just never had the chance :/

i have! sneaked out, but it was with the help of my mum where my dad didn't know lmao ehejenjdhen

i have! gone through both a one direction and bts phase. 1D came first and it lasted for almost half a year i believe? and i discovered bts in 2018 thanks to my friend, but i started exploring and eventually drifted apart from them in early 2020. jungkook still has a special place in my heart tho :)) 

i have! had a irl crush actually :'D he actually knew i liked him but did nothing at all and we remained pretty good friends, but he stopped talking to me about over a year ago, and i lowkey don't wanna admit it but i miss him sometimes :') 

i have! pets. i have 3 dogs and a cat currently, and i have 6 other unofficial dogs and a idk how many fish which are at my grandma's side :DD

i have! performed in front of a crowd, i was in a storytelling competition when i was 9 and 10, and then i learned to play the erhu when i was 12 and performed a few times :)) 

i have! fic wise, i also love by-moonflowers fics sm! T^T i read her tokyo ghoul au and i actually didn't have a clue what tokyo ghoul was, i looked it up on wikipedia before reading it djbfkdhdjd and her exes confront each other series was really amazing too. and im rambling but her jeonghan magic au, all the stars we steal, that was probably the first fic of her's i read and it hit something in me and i really wish i could read it again like it was the first time 😔 i really loved it sm. book wise, i will never forget jodi picoult's small great things. and also like any book reader, ps. i love you is definitely a favourite of mine :') it was so touching and i just genuinely really love that story. 

i have! there's quite a lot of moments like that, but this one where i went on vacation in the mountains? we stayed at a very nice place. on the first day i was really tired so i slept til the evening, and when i woke up it was drizzling and there's was quite a breeze, so i sat in front of the open door of my room. in front was a swimming pool so i just put on some music and watched the rain drop into the pool. it was the most relaxed i had felt in a while and i wish i could go back :') 

i would say i have! when we can talk anon off i'll tell you which one, but i really enjoyed writing this one drabble/oneshot and im glad other people seemed to like it as well :DD

and ofc i have! i met seventeen when i was pretty down, and i treasure them the most now. they helped me through a lot and really changed me and im really grateful to them

i wanna know your answers to these too! so, have you ever

been to a place/been in a particular mood after a specific event that you wanted to stay in forever?

written a piece of work that sparked energy within your fingertips?

met a person/have someone in your life who you now just treasure so deeply?

the next mission is out dkhdkdhfj but i'll continue for now, would you rather (pls dont hate me after this)

only listen to seventeen or txt forever

spend a week with soobin or chan

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life

sign with sm or yg or jyp

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading)

i also suddenly remembered, but knitting is also one of my many hobbies :D

- 💎 anon loves you and wishes you a good day!

you can reply whenever you are ready anon. it excites me that we've been having a steady back and forth but sometimes life happens and you should definitely prioritize any other responsibilities you have!! i'll always be here 😌 knitting is a fun hobby anon!! i used to do that and crochet a lot too ,,, i should get back to it. what do you make?

before i go ahead and answer these can i just say how much i love that you personalized it?? that really means a lot to me <3 anyways~ here we go!! when we get to turn off anon i would love to hear some nct recs!! most of my irl kpop friends ult them and i'd love to get to know more!! and discord would probably be the best way to share because the asks just get longer and longer LOL (i love them)

drums yes!! i've been told that i look like i'd play the piano instead bahaha but i think drums are pretty neat :3 i also saw this person ask huening kai about band txt and he said soobin would play the drums :O need i say more?

thank you for your answers!! we definitely gotta talk more about them once we can chat on discord!! i loved reading them and they were just so lovely <333 for the last 3:

i don't think so? i have yet to be in a moment where i am completely lost in the energy - but the closest i've been to that level of peace would be the late nights where i'm playing my favourite music and about to drift off to sleep. i feel almost content, and sometimes wish i could stay in my dreams forever :3

my very first fic!! flights and feelings - i was writing it on a whim at 2 am? and i wasn't planning on posting it until i did randomly and now i am a tumblr writer :O

seventeen like you said! i don't think i would have made it through the rest of high school without them, and as of now they've been one of the things keeping me going :)

the next mission is out owo playlist making do i see? anyways onto these first!! how dare you write these anon my head is SPINNING

only listen to seventeen or txt forever ...seventeen, they're my ults!! but also because they have more music released atm, we have yet to see the amazing things txt have planned!! i wouldn't be surprised if i start ulting txt in the future as well :3 i...bought 3 of their albums a few days ago

spend a week with soobin or chan // WHAT KIND OF QUESTION IS THIS ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEADACHE (moots please look away) soobin <3 i love them both very much but i think soobin and i will vibe more maybe it's my delusions THEY'RE BOTH MY ULTS and i'm scared of talking to both D: but soobin is slightly younger than chan so that's why i think he'd be easier to talk to T_T the thought of spending a week with soobin makes my head spin

only eat bingsu or only watch 1 studio ghibli films for the rest of your life // bingsu!! i would not mind that one bit :3

sign with sm or yg or jyp // as someone who is a terrible singer and dancer, i would not survive in either of these companies. however, under the assumption that i can do these things, i would say... jyp. i don't think there's an entertainment company that treats their idols completely right but out of these 3 i feel like i'd cry less in jyp. is kq entertainment an option? idk all the details but they seem to treat ateez okay, or maybe IU's company...again i don't know all the deets

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world // speak every language in the world!! it upsets me everyday that i'm not close to my culture because of this :(

be a master at something you love (singing, dancing, writing, that kinda thing) or something unique (like having a photographic memory or like ice carving? or even mouth reading) // i'd say maybe something unique!! it's kind of thrilling to always be looking for ways to improve on something you love <3 so i'd go with something unique...a photographic memory would be very helpful for studying!! but maybe i'd like to have a talent in making people smile!!

thank you for these questions anon!! i'm heading out to work now but i'd love to write you some more would you rathers later on :) i should have packed more questions into this reply but i really gotta go now sorry :( so instead just tell me how are you!! also i would like to know your answers to these ones!! you are very creative with these btw :3

which of your biases would you want to spend a week with?

what food would you be okay with eating for the rest of your life?

would you rather:

sign with sm, yg or jyp?

know how to play every single instrument or speak language in the world?

be a master at something you love or something unique?

[boo1a4]

11 question tag!

Hey guys so I was tagged by 5 of my fav gals to do the 11 questions tag (THATS 55 QUESTIONS WHY ARE YALL LIKE THIS) but anyway I was tagged by @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime and @yongpal-i (this tag is fucking eternal help me)

Cloud’s Questions!

Do you know a ksong by heart? (bc I don’t :x I can hum a trillion tho)

Blackpink’s As If Its Your Last, Heize’s Star, Day6 I loved you and You Were Beautiful, most of seventeens title tracks and most of their ballads, lastly  Pristin’s Aloha! I'm sure my pronunciation is way off but those are tho the ones that I've taken the time to actually sit down and learn!

When it comes to friendships, are you low or high maintenance? (As in your friends gotta talk everyday with you or you’ll feel like the friendship is dying OR if you can spend days without talking to them yet you still remain close)  

Ummmm I think it depends on the friendship? also I think I can tend to be a bit of both (cause I'm an insecure ass binch), tho I don't ever feel like my friendships are dying lmao

Do you have a secret that you will take to the grave? (Ofc I’m not asking you to reveal it)

not that I can think of?? like I'm sitting here thinking if there is anything and like honestly no????

Recommend me 5 songs (not necessarily kpop songs)

Dracula Teeth - The Last Shadow Puppets(honestly cloud just listen to all of their music is so great) Daydream In Blue - I Monster (this is honestly one of my all time fav songs I love it too much) No Way Down - The Shins (you know I can't go 2 mins without mentioning them, some great lyrics right here tho also give September a listen in beautiful) Beechwood Park - The Zombies (I'm assuming you know the zombies cloud but on the off chance that you don't BINCH THEY ARE MY ACTUAL FAVORITE well beside cream and zeppelin but they are up there) Kimbra - Miracle (kinda of a random one but this song just never seems to leave me!) Big Bird -Hyukoh (oh that was 6 BUT THIS SONG IS SO GREAT also listen to wing wing!!)

What do you prefer?: first, second or third gen kpop songs?

I generally prefer second generation??? I think????? I like a bit of all of them tho. but like there is no definitive answer to when each of the generations start and end so like I don't even know??? but most of my fav groups as far as music goes are older around 2nd gen but a fair amount of them are gen 3, I have a really strong love for kpop that was released between 2009-2014.

What’s the cheeeeeeeeeesiest thing you’ve done? (one time a former friend of mine was telling me about a problem she had and at the end of our convo I kissed her in the forehead bYE)

girl idk just my whole fucking life tbh, but my family members and irl friends will all tell you I do this thing where I yell sing songs and change the lyrics to their names this includes badly sung kpop songs IM SCREAMING THO CLOUD WHO ARE YOU AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

If you were asked to participate in a variety show, which one of the following would you pick and why? (Pick two!): problematic men, master key, hello counselor, weekly idol, one fine day, law of the jungle

um probs ofd?? id say weekly idol also but damn the hosts would literally be like who is this weird binch!

Your top 10 kpop songs of 2017?

In no order but 1. Would U - Red Velvet 2. Let’s Hang Out - SF9 3. Night Rather Than Day - EXID 4. Aloha - Pristin 5. Missing You - BTOB 6. I Loved You - Day6 7. Teenager - Got7 8. Habit - Seventeen 9. As If It’s Your Last - Blackpink 10. You, Clouds, Rain - Heize

Would you rather live in a huge mansion or a compact studio house?  

Im a real messy binch so definitely compact studio

Tell me a fun childhood story (I’ll start! One time an aunt gave me money to buy ‘papas’ (potatoes) at the grocery store so bc I’m obedient af I went and asked the counter lady how many of em could I buy with the money I had so she went ‘uhh, not many tbh’ so i ended up getting like two and when I returned to my aunt’s house she laughed her ass off and said: I meant ‘papas fritas’ (potato chips) Not those! - and uh yeah this is funnier in Spanish but it proves that I’m such an innocent angel I mean wow)

ok so I spent a lot of time at my aunt Lori’s house when I was a kid (like summers, and after school) and my cousin was the BUG queen so she hand made leashes for her pet toads (that she caught) and we walked them around on leashes for like a week but I was always so afraid of them and also hurting them so I WAS NOT ABOUT THAT ahahaha dumb story but it makes me laugh alsoalsoalsdo they had this bench swing in their back yard and my cousin my sister and I would swing on it together for hours at a time and one time we were swinging real hard (REAL HARD) and the links?? or whatever that held it to the ceiling it was hanging from snapped and the three of us of us flew off of it and we all collectively blacked out??? it was so weird but I woke up to my cousin stuggling to get me off of her and then there lays my sister underneath the bench just blacked out chilling (she was fine) then my aunt came running out cause she had just heard the loudest crash ahsdfasdf not long after my uncle put stronger links on it and that bench is still there! From time to time when the three of us get together this story gets brought up its still the most hilarious thing ( ALSO CLOUD YOU ARE SO PURE I LOVE)

If you were offered to start a band, would you accept?

yeah I love music so much why not! not sure I would be able to contribute much  lmao

Mir’s Questions!

If you could travel anywhere, but were completely by yourself, where would you go?

hmmmmm do you mean like I wouldn't be visiting anyone and just traveling alone?? or like going someplace where I know no one?? ok cause for the first I would book it straight to az TO SEE YOU MIR!! AND SISTER!! but for the second I would love to go to Japan (my cousin lives there tho so that also doesn't technically count lmao)

What inspires you?

Music, books, and tv shows! Also really well written characters or just interesting people I guess! but on like a ??spiritual?? level my mom?? she's just that binch you know ( like seriously Ive never met anyone kinder or more driven and hard working in my life she's wild)

How many pets would you have in your ideal future? Any specific names or types in mind?

47 KITS, no realistically I want 2 kittos and they will be named Bellamy and Murphy cause I got too also lowkey want to name a cat rami or Elliot or also kaz or Inej damn all the good names wow. Also the name Calloway is my fav name of all time and I WANT SOMETHING WITH THIS NAME

What are you opinions on fedoras

um eww?? what other opinions are there?? what is this question mir I'm???? but like ngl when worn in a none cringe manner then can look nice!

how many spoons can you balance on your face at once (picture or video proof preferred (i’m trying to get someone to do it pls anyone))

girl I've done my time (lowkey did you put this on her cause I told you about my gravy spoon today???)

What is your favorite type of tree?

I like Birch trees!

If you could convince one person to like kpop who would you convert?

damn MY MOM cause then she might listen to something other than bruno mars once in a while

What are three things you are normally associated with and/or what are three things you want to be associated with?

art, sleeping, reading and um idk?? tbh??? like maybe not being shitty and being funny??? idk??? like I don't know????

If you were in a kpop group what position would you hold (ie. leader, main vocal, moodmaker, etc) feel free to tag your mutuals and who they would be!

um hm im a moody binch bonch so probably moodmaker?? mir is main dancer cause yes duh ivy is leader cause she's the only sane one kennedy I feel would be a great rapper like she got that chic thing going she could do it I feel??? and cloud would be our talent tbh??? nom would be the maknae cause she's small I feel! Jeddy would be my happy virus bud cause she's a fun and funny gal ( I love) Jamie ALSO ONE OF OUR TALENTS wow yes I feel a main vocal here she’d go solo and be singing ballads left and right! JESS WOULD BE THE SWEET MOTHER MEMBER THAT EVERYONE LOVES AND IS JUST THE SOFTEST,,,A SUNSHINE GAL.

If you could have any wild animal as a tame pet what would it be?? (i’m ocelot loyal all the way)

damn idk I'm like horrible at taking care of things (including myself) so like honest id just stick to the kit kats

What is your opinion on mint chocolate chip ice cream? (for maj)

The best ice cream (tho I can't eat it anymore and its very cursed)

Nom’s Questions!

how are you? :D

I’m good Nom thanks for asking!

sad ballads or happy upbeat songs?

Im a ballad ho these days they are honestly all I listen to anymore, but I do love me an good upbeat song I'm just slightly more picky about them!

fave anime movie?

ok tie between Whisper of the Heart and Howl’s Movie Castle, I honestly need to see more that arent Ghibli!

dogs or cats?

Cats! (my dog is practically a cat tbh)

do you keep stuffed animals in your room?

I have one! its a portal companion cube! its not technically an animal BUT I LOVE IT ANYWAY ITS ALL IVE GOT!!!! also if you count tsum tsums I've got a few big hero 6 ones!

someone you miss?

My dad, its been especially hard lately.

describe your phone case?

its like rainbow watercolor! I have a pop socket that matches

favorite lore/myths?

Not technically myth or lore but Beowolf! I've seen the movie at least 40 times and I've read the epic! generally I find northern european mythology/literature to be more interesting than southern. but if we’re going for like ubran myths tbh not really my thing ahahaha.

eardbuds or headphones?

both for different things! but when I first listen to an album I like to listen with my headphones!

can I steal your heart?

you already have ~~~~~~~

favorite thing about your ult bias?

His sensitivity and kind heart! I love a sweet boy! Also I'm really here for Boo’s cheeks!

Jamie’s Questions!

If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life what would it be and why?

ohhh there are a few songs that I really really love, Heize’s Star is a song that I listen to daily and I feel like I could listen to it for the rest of my life! also September by The Shins! Miracle Aligner by The Last Shadow Puppets also. Idk man I just really love songs with a mystical quality to them.

If you were in a kpop group what would your group be called and what would your fandom name be?

BINCH AND OUR FANDOM NAME WOULD BE BONCHES

If you could acquire mastery over ONE skill instantly, what would you pick and why?

Singing!! its just about the only kind of musical talent I think I’d be any good at! Im a vocalist ho I just want to be like my favessssss

First reaction if you spotted your favorite celebrity on the street?

I would literally hide so fast omg

First reaction if your favorite celebrity followed you on your favorite social media site?

SCREAMING ALL THE LOVE FOR BOO SEUNGKWAN 24/7 and literally only doing art of him and nonstop posting it

Snap your fingers and you get to steal your favorite outfit off of a kpop idol. What outfit do you pick, off of whom, and why?

OK literally all of Soonyoungs airport looks cause damn that boy does not get enough credit for his fashion (he's the best dressed in the group fite me)

If you were to get a painless tattoo that you could remove with the press of a button, what would you get and where would you get it?

umm probably something really pretty? and colorful? I'm not sure what put I like  arm tattoos!

What is your most prized possession?

probably my laptop?? also my collection of sketchbooks!

What’s a YouTube/online challenge that you have always wanted to try?

Im always interested to try those youtube art challenges, I've done the three marker challenge before and the draw this again challenge also!

You get a guarantee that your favorite celebrity will see your social media post but you only get 100 characters. What do you say to them?

I would literally just send my art to them! I feel like it says more than 100 characters can!

You wake up in your dream room. What does it look like?

LITERALLY A LIBRARY AND LIKE NICE AND DARK AND WARM BUT NOT TOO WARM LOTS OF BLANKETS

Kennedy’s Questions!

Make a 10-song playlist for your current mood.

it is here

What vine do you quote the most?

what is that?? who you fighting?

What do you value most in a friend?

I like people who are good listeners! but also people can keep a conversation going! But really tho just genuine kindness and openness.

If you could learn any kpop choreography instantly, what would you learn?

DAMN THIS IS HARD, so many great ones that I love a lot but probably Red Flavor?

If you go to your Tumblr activity page, who does it say is your “number one fan?”

damn Idk them so I'm not gonna like tag them or something lol

What is your ideal clothing style?

I like simple dark clothing that is comfortable.

What is your favorite Snapchat filter?

I really like the ugly ones tbh I don't use them enough

What subject would you like to study, but wouldn’t necessarily want to make a career out of? (for example: I really want to learn about botany!)

psychology, I really love learning about how people work.

Would you rather be constantly half an hour early to everything, or constantly 15 minutes late?

early of course, I hate being late

Would you rather have a single day to spend with your top bias or a week to spend with your number 2 bias?

damn neither??? ahahah no a day with boo would be very blessed!

If you could bring back any disbanded OR inactive group, who would you bring back?

F(X) BINCH I NEED MORE MUSIC

My Questions!

if you had to chose one kpop stage outfit to wear for the rest of your life which would you choose?

favorite music video aesthetic?

Group you are most excited for in 2018?

Recommend me some underrated kpop songs/groups?

If you could join any group other than your bias group who would you join and why?

Favorite soloist? and some song recs?

Childhood Story? (thanks Cloud)

Were you in any fandoms before you got into kpop, if so what were they?

Favorite Comeback/debut of 2017?

astrological sign? Myers Briggs type? Hogwarts House (I'm a Gemini, infp, and Gryffindor)

Random question but what are your favorite names?

Tagging : @s-lay-ing @sambashua @achuu-nice @indiepoptime @yongpal-i (y'all can do mine if you feel like it!) @forgetjunnot @babybyuny @kae-popx @kiheehyunie @jeonwoooo @trbldean130 @howcaniwait @joshhjs @maetaamong and if you’ve already done this you don't have to do it again ahahahaha I feel like everyone has done it already lol

ok thats it do it if you want!

[thejonlife]

1, 4, 7, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 23, 25, 26, 32, 33, 36, 42, 47, 49, 56, 57, 59, 62, 63, 66, 67, 69, 70, 71, 72, 73, 75, 78, 81, 83, 85 (Wanted to pick them all but I picked the ones that are better....... no pressure!)

vaguely nsfw asks

1. Are looks important in a relationship? To an extent of course but theres way more important stuff :]

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship? i am not.

5. Are you in love?

6. Are you single this year?

7. Can you commit to one person? As much as i joke about wanting to be a hoe i dont think i can?

8. Describe your crush Shes an old co worker shes blonde nerdy and sweet to me.

9. Describe your perfect mate :oh i have no idea but i hope shes nice cool thinks im cute and is a nerd in her own way.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

11. Do you ever want to get married? Honestly i dont know i dont love marriage as an expensive social construct but i always imagined dying with someone you know?

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

13. Do you get jealous easily? Sometimes if her friend is taking up my attention ha but im understanding. 

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? Yes an old work buddy and a couple tumblr crushes :]

15. Do you have any piercings? Stretched ear lobes but i lost my left one in SF

16. Do you have any tattoos? No but im trying to set up an appointment today actually 

17. Do you like kissing in public? Definitely as long as its not intense PDA but im affectionate for sure. 

20. Do you shower every day?

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? Of course im not a cheater.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? This year compared to last year i would like to put myself out there but i believe in things happening organically.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Yes but im not sure how serious those words were and or they were back then.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? I was so in love in my last relationship that i couldnt tell she wasnt on my level so yes but thats life and that happens. 

33. Have you ever had sex with a man? I havent and i dont think i could but i know tons of great looking guys.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? No actually and im lucky for that but i had a crush on a middle school friend because she always went out of her way to give me a hug :]

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Less than a minute if we know each other already but i am restrained if weve just met.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

47. How old are you? My birthday was this last wednesday and i turned 31 but ive been told i look younger than i am so thats great.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? im single AF

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

55. Share a relationship story.

56. State 8 facts about your body I have a beard i wear glasses I am 5′7 i have brown eyes i have been told i have a nice nose i like my legs/thighs weird but theyre muscular kind of my ears are stretched and i wish i had bigger hands?

57. Things you want to say to an ex: I hope youre well.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) I will do this later but bear with me im terrible at selfies :[

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Im a sucker for just touching period especially any that makes me feel manly.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”? Insertion?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

65. What is your favorite foreplay routine?

66. What is your favorite roleplay? I have never lol but itd be cool to pretend to be a sick patient and have them be a nurse.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? Brewery trip or a museum after we grab food and we go for a drive or a walk and we talk :]

68. What is your sexual orientation?

69. What turns you off? Mean or pessimistic or dirty people.

70. What turns you on? Nice legs and a sense of humor or a great smile

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream? I wish i could remember ha ha ha ha but god those were awkward ill say if i remember eventually.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex? Moaning and i was called daddy once and i didnt think id like that but i do also being called papi. If you just exclaim fuck thats super hot too.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Fill out this form and or just text me to say hi or invite me out to drink or have dinner.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? A friend of mine just recently bought me one of those SNES classics :] my birthday sucked but my friend bough that for me months ago and i had no idea :0

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

78. What’s your dirtiest secret? Im almost certain i might be depressed or have some mental ailment because im always going through sadness but im okay right now oh and i ghosted somebody once and i felt terrible about that. Oh i also once accidentally broke somebodys drivers side mirror but karma got me last year. 

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

81. Who are five people you find attractive? Famous people? Gal Gadot Chrissy Teigen ashley graham and tons of other awesome people.

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

83. Who was your first kiss with? Ha ha ha im lame but my first kiss was my prom date senior year.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? I have a crush on some people i follow on tumblr so of course :D ;]

Send me asks pls I'm bored : )

Why not?

[glisteria]

all of the nsfw asks pls ?

(lowkey doin it bc u asked even tho i wanna do it anyways)

1. Are looks important in a relationship?•In my personal opinion? No. If you focus truly on the outside you may never find someone you connect with that is pretty too yknow? If that makes sense??

2. Are relationships ever worth it?• Of course

3. Are you a virgin?•No

4. Are you in a relationship?•God i wish i was

5. Are you in love?•Wouldnt classify it as love? but maybe

6. Are you single this year?• Uhhh for the most part

7. Can you commit to one person?• Yes

8. Describe your crush•Well you see im weird and like boy a guy AND a girl so ill give u 2 description? The guy is loud and stupidly funny and is a dweeb. The girl is cute asf and very smart and talented plus i keep circling back to acting like a school girl over her so 👀

9. Describe your perfect mate• Someone i can talk with. Make jokes and be comfortable around. Someone who understands my weird mood shifts or try’s to understand

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?• Maybe

11. Do you ever want to get married?•Depends ask me in 10 or so years

12. Do you forgive betrayal?•Depends on how bad it was

13. Do you get jealous easily?•Honestly situational but sometimes yes

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?•Ya yeet

15. Do you have any piercings?•Oh dude ya i have 3 per ear and would like more

16. Do you have any tattoos?•Cat on my inner right ankle (want more tho)

17. Do you like kissing in public?•Yes

20. Do you shower every day?•Try to but #depression

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?•Haha i thought so but then he decided he didnt wanna be around me :)

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?•Hope so. maybe not im a dISASTER

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?• Yes

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?• 🤷🏻‍♀️

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?• Plz

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?• Yes

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?• No but i for them

28. Have you ever been cheated on?• No

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?•No but i was ‘the other girl once’ and i regret

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?•Idk smth about my stomach? Breast reduction

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?•Oh yea all the time

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?• HA yes

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?•Yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?•Not technically

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?• 👀 yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?• Oh yes the cliché friends to lovers trope. Yes ive fallen for friends

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?• OH YES

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?• 👀 Sophomore year looking @ u

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?• Do idols count

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?• Ya

41. Have you had sex so far this year?• HA in a dream yea

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?• Depends on the persons preferences

43. How long was your longest relationship?•6 months

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?• I dunno 6?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?• Considering i was 13/14 from what i can remember not many

46. How many times did you have sex last year?• 0

47. How old are you?• 18

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?•Id support them because the heart wants what it wants

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?• Physically probably their eyes and hands

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?•No absolutely not

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?•Yes multiple

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?• Yes and because i cared too much and he cared not at all

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?• I have friends who dont like my other friends if that counts

54. Is there someone you will never forget?• Of couese

55. Share a relationship story.• Haha i dunno. Most are bad

56. State 8 facts about your body• I have a tattoo. I have horrible acne. My right ankle cracks if i bend it. I have a random hard spot on my right leg. I have a large belly. I have a freckle on the outside of my right hand. 3 holes in each ear. I have large brown eyes

57. Things you want to say to an ex• Please stop toying with my even though you are out of my life

58. What are five ways to win your heart?• Be kind to me. Dont pressure me into anything and let me be the way i am. Plz dont make fun of my obsession with kpop or certain games. Food? Literally just like me. Bam you got me

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)• HNNNNN ill send (the asker) a selfie

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?• 2 years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?• Personality wise probably sense of humor and physically eyes and hands bc dont talk to me i love em

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?• Like me?

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?• Situational imo

64. What is your definition of cheating?• Romantic/Sexual advances or actions with someone that isnt your partner without exolicit permission

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?• Idk kiss me and let’s figure it out

66. What is your favourite roleplay?• Not gonna out myself

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?• Listen to music and talk

68. What is your sexual orientation?• Idk? I like someone for who they are not what they are

69. What turns you off?• I dunno honestly been too long

70. What turns you on?• haha not gonna out myself too much but uhh anything on my neck/behind my ears. Praise like fuck

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?• Never had a wet dream :)

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?• My name honestly

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?• Idk. Write something about me on their page? Tag me in smth nice? hug me? come to ohio and socialize with me? (come see the nutcracker and phantom of the opera with me this month plz plz)

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?• Idk

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?• I honestly dont know?

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?• I dunno. Wrote a song to make them feel better? Sent them a whole care package when they were depressed? idk

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?• As long as its legal idc

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?• O boyo if you wanna know you gotta dm me

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?• Literally any time my friends do something without me or with a new friend

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?• Other than friendly and parents probably about a month? i just masked it as friendly?

81. Who are five people you find attractive?•The Person who asked this 👀•Literally all my kpop boys• uhh

82. Who is the last person you hugged?•My dad

83. Who was your first kiss with?• His name was John

84. Why did your last relationship fail?• He decided his ex who was manipulative was better than me

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?• Yes. I actually have

[faireatoi]

3. 14. 17. 23. 43. 45. 46.

3. Have you gone out in public wearing an anal plug or vibrator device?

s: No, sadly;;; it’s one of those thing that i would conceptually love, but the risk of being like… caught in a Bad way… :s idk if i’d ever rlly try it w/o a lot of prompting.

b: n o id like the idea of it but i literally cannot even wear a tampon ???? sfjkdh theyre too big for me? even one finger - n my fingers are tiny - can’t even fit so....no sdjkfh

14. Has someone ever written a  love letter, song or poem for you?

s: Mmm, yeah. I try to forget it exists.

b: my first gf writes poems n sdhfkj i still have the little poems she wrote after we first kissed ;; n the thing she made me for valentines. im ?? rlly soft i fsdkjh even though we dont really talk i still just like looking back at it and remembering. she’s super talented n i love her writing ;;;

17. State 8 facts about your body:

s: Uhm… idk, rlly? I mean… I’m rlly tall? Nd just like… generally big? I have broad shoulders nd wide hips nd just… yeah. It’s not ever been super great for my self-esteem, so I don’t tend to talk about it a lot. Uhm… I’m really pale too? Like the lightest shade of make-up doesn’t work for me depending on the brand, and I can use baby-powder as make-up without affecting anything. But! Plus side, I bruise really easily, which… as you all know…. /coughs. I’m also generally very sensitive? Like in random places – my neck, my upper back, the tops of my thighs? It’s weird. I think that’s 8??? Ye.

b: im really tiny like..im 5′1 n barely 100 lbs n my pinky is sfkdjhj 2 inches? im just..Tiny like sarah freaked out when she found out i can fit size 0 sfdkjh. my shoulders slope at different angles too n its not Noticeable but its skjfdh god. also i may have a cyst in my wrist. im still able to fit shirts from middle school and shirts that were big on me in elementary can fit now. im also like..not sensitive at All sexually but to everything else like little sounds and things in the corners of my eyes im hypersensitive to. speaking of sensitive i also get turned on rlly easily which sarah thinks is adorable but i think is just annoying sfjdkh..i did fencing in high school so my thighs are still rlly muscled n Also i have a tiny beauty mark like jongs blingspot which i :’) heckin lov 

23. Random thing that turns you on?

s: People’s voices. Like… people with a specific tone of voice, I’m… wow, yeah, Pls.

b: petnames......baby boy...daddys baby boy..........................................um also when people are dommy but even just subtly? like im kind of rlly a brat n if someone said like ‘tell me anyway’ when i said not telling i just...guh

43. What one piece of advice about sex would you offer the virgin you?

s: Lmao, don’t lose it to the person you lost it to? Uhm… generally just… it’s okay to wait? And to enjoy yourself. You don’t have to rush.

b: based on what ive already done..dont just do it bc you can, esp since youve only known her for like 3 days. also don’t..get so emotionally involved but dont worry bc just bc she doesnt like you like you like her doesnt mean you cant be friends

45. During sex, what instantly turns you off?

s: Uhm… idk…. I mean, it depends on the moment? But generally like… I don’t do well with anything that reminds me of my ex, so like… the last time I had to literally safeword out of a scene was because of a guro-esque comment that my dom at the time made jokingly and I immediately went ‘Nope. Sorry, I know you didn’t mean it but literally Nope.”

b: being bitten. just...no

46. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

s: I mean…. they could have chilled on the Good Southern Baptist Christian Values like….. a lot. Nd that one time they tried to put my in a psych ward for having a gf….. coulda done w/o that one, lmao.

b: maybe Not having a mom that snoops through everything or that is every types of phobic there can be..just a more supportive n nice mom in general damb

[livingbutamireally]

AY2019/2020 Y1S1 Module Review

AY2019/2020 year 1 semester 1 review

Started school around august after orientation camp in july, and had to study after doing nothing for months after a levels and finally had the taste of the rigour of this major.. semester 1 went by too quickly..

Modules taken this semester:

CS1010S

MA1101R

MA1521

BT1101

GER1000

CS1010S Programming Methodology (Python)

Prof: Ben Leong

Exam Dates: 2 Oct (Midterm) / 16 Nov (Practical Exam) / 27 Nov (Finals)

Weightage:

Coursemology – 25% (25%)

Participation – 5% (5%)

Midterm test – 15% (-)

Practical exam – 15% (20%)

Final assessment – 40% (50%)

(those in brackets are for those taking alternative final)

S in CS1010S is for science students, most students are either science students (DSA/ Life Science plenty) or BZA students.

Overall this module easily had the highest workload compared to other modules, having to rush missions every week, complete tutorials (this is pretty standard duh) and lecture trainings before deadlines for bonus points on a gamified platform. One could sit at their table wracking their brains for the whole day and still not be able to come up with a feasible code, or have their codes stuck with some bugs and not knowing how to continue. Really, without the help from fellow friends this module would be hard to get through. Luckily my TA was kind (and patient!) enough to explain such that my brain could get it. Ended up having to IP this module sadly… This module really requires your wholehearted devotion and really tests your patience i must say, especially for people who are not too intellectually inclined (aka me)..

They introduced a new scheme this semester aka Alternative Final, meaning you get to retake your midterm and finals by tabao-ing it into the next sem except you do your finals during the recess week instead of the finals, kinda like a half-retaking a module? Your grades for finals are IP-ed (in progress) rather than letter grades and the finals and midterms will be accounted for in the following half a semester albeit under different weightage components.

They said its a introductory module, but …………..

This year’s practical exam was particularly hard i think i had friends (even the zai ones) getting single digit marks… banked full in on the Method of Life question (Q5) of finals which is a giveaway question asking you how you can apply the concepts to other parts of your life and your main take-aways from taking this module (filled up the whole page and got full marks for it 4m) without this question i would have failed the paper..

Now i have to work hard the next sem… its kinda sad for us BZA students because CS1010S is a prerequisite for those wanting to take BT2101 and CS2030/2040 modules in the following semester (y1s2). Future students (esp BZA) please take the advice to consider this when deciding whether to IP…. because guess who didnt and regretted not thinking deeper…..

Ah one more thing to take note is the weightage is quite different for those IP/ alternative final people, theres higher weightage for the papers :_D

Ben Leong is a pretty good lecturer, hes solid in delivering concepts except my brain may be a little too slow for him.. Theres also lecture videos online that you can refer to and thousands of papers (with solutions!!) waiting for you to do.. something uncommon for many modules i heard? also, you get to see your final (scanned) paper through a website, in ben leong’s words “how cool is that?” he also uploads the mark scheme for your reference which is pretty cool imo. He’s a very interesting lecturer.

MA1521 Calculus for Computing

Prof: Leung Pui Fai

Exams: No midterms, just an online quiz (4 questions, most get full marks for), and the finals

Weightage: cant really rmb the weightage but i think its 40-60? i think tutorial attendance isnt graded..

They said this was just a repeat of H2 maths with more stuffs well boy i must say this wasnt as easy as they said.. okay maybe for me, ive always struggled with maths for a really long time. Surprisingly got a B for H2 Maths, i got a B3 for O levels really the blemish in my results. Got a B- for this module. Many people will say this is an easy module, you can trust them a little different in my shoes i guess. I didnt turn up for lectures for the half part of the semester since he talks a bit too slowly so i just watch the webcast sped up. But being a procrastinator i’m really behind on webcasts by the time the exams came.. i think i spent too much time on CS1010S and its still not enough.. if you dont have the discipline to watch them religiously at home, i would suggest you go for the lecture even though he may talk abit slowly but it forces you to not miss out on them. I dont really had the time (is it i wonder?) to do the tutorials either so i was also behind on them.. most of the time i just sat for tutorials and took the answers down to only work on them many weeks later (much regrets) so i didnt really understood what was going on as the TA went through. please dont be like me… the recess week was for sure not enough to revise/ learn all the content for all your mods for both midterms/finals so please dont be lazy like me…. this is the suffering i brought upon myself TT

Overall i think. it is not that hard a mod if you do your work consistently.. things got a little confusing towards the end i heard they dropped a whole chapter this semester glad they did.

MA1101R Linear Algebra I

Prof: Wang Fei

Weightage:

Finals (28 Nov, 2h)— 60%.

Mid-term test (4 Oct, 2h)— 20%.

3 homework assignments (4% per assignment) — 12%. 

An in-class Lab (MATLAB) quiz — 8%.

This was one of my most hardest period in my life and i say this on PERIODT. As if maths wasnt tough enough, this will really declare a survival of the fittest among your remaining brain cells. Friends told me maths came into their dreams… pls extinguish my soul. You must be thinking i am crazy for wanting to take 2 math mods in a sem right? ?

Yeahh no one really does that but it was my idea because i didnt want to do maths together with all the core core mods (BT and CS) next sem so i decided ah i should just get maths over and done with ( hAH real joke bc i couldnt clear CS1010S and i cant take 2k level mods for BT and CS and unlocked clown outfit because theres one more ST2334 core mod that involves probability and stats so much for thinking i will be over and done with for dealing with maths– someone tell me why did i choose this major again?)

Somehow along the way i realised the bell curve for this was surprisingly high i think those who chose this mod intend to delve even deeper in mathematics, mayhaps i joined the wrong major. The R in MA1101R actually stands for rigorous i didnt realise until my friend read the fine prints in the SOC Course Curriculum for BZA or sumn. Pure hell. There are 3 homework assignments (graded mind you) and most of the students get around 50++/60 i think i was the one of the rare few who flunked quite badly and always eyeballed by my TA (who is a prof for some 3k or 4k level maths, not for this mod though). I approached him for consults and for help and he was nice enough to sit me down and explain slowly. He’s pretty good at explaining slowly although he’s pretty fast in class (and most of the semester i had close to ZERO idea what was going on in class for pretty much most of the mods). Shockingly managed to pull out a C from my butt. The intellect of the students are no joke.. Homework assignments are every 3 weeks starting week 6 i think (so week 6, 9, 12) and i think are there to make sure you catch up with the work.

Oh lectures-wise, i sat for ½ of his classes, i really absorb almost nothing.. the rest of the lecture hall seem to get it though or so it seems. so i stopped attending my own lectures to watch the webcast for Prof Victor Tan too. His webcasts/lectures are really popular and it really owe it to his teaching, apparently he taught Wang Fei before and of course had over ten more years of experience. WF’s lecture turn-outs are comparatively less compared to VT. And on panopto (webcast platform) i think it was almost always 360++ views for VT as compared to a 80++/ was it 30++ for WF if i recall correctly. VT slides are also more concise and simple to understand where as WF’s ones are similar to the textbook. You are also required to purchase a textbook for this module costs around $20 from the co-op store in science and i urge you to purchase it asap when the profs announce they are made available bc they run oos quite fast.. the tutorial questions are from the textbook and the textbook is very simple and straightforward and put together by some of the lecturers/profs in school.

BT1101 Introduction to Business Analytics

Prof: Dr Sharon Tan, Desmond Ong

Weightage:

1. Online Quiz & Datacamp Assignments — 7%

Tutorial 1-4 — 8%

Tutorial 5 onwards — 15%

In-class Assessment (Written) — 10%

Practical Assessment — 20%

Final Assessment — 40%

In class assessment is held 2ish weeks after your midterms week so its kinda like your midterms?

Mm i would say this module is the most ?? its hard to put in words but if you read up the confessions page (NUSwhispers) regularly you would see many complaints that the mod is structured not as neatly as CS1010S its quite here and there everywhere and personal opinion, sometimes i dont know what i am supposed to learn but i guess its like that? The profs seem to value not wanting to spoonfeed and us learning on our own and stuff like that. I heard the mod was much harder in previous years and they simplified it a lot compared to in the past (which i really thank god) but its still a bit ?? They split it into two halves, first half of the sem is taught by Dr ST (Descriptive Analytics) and the next half by DO (Prescriptive and Predictive Analytics).

There are online videos to be watched every week even though you get lectures once every 2 weeks when Dr ST teaches and tutorials to be submitted to your TAs that are graded only after about 6/7 weeks. They leave comments (½ sentences someitmes shorter) and your marks received and thats about all so you dont really know where you went wrong since they are not marked paper and pen way. The tutorials are coding exercises for questions using the R language. They also used Datacamp to drill some of the basics of R for a headstart. Her workshop style lectures are a lot of on the spot learning how to code and stuff which i lag behind a bit because she goes a bit fast in order to cover everything. We learn new content via the online videos that we have to watch every week and theres quizzes for them too weekly iirc.

The next half by DO had no online videos (great!! and no quizzes!!) but weekly lectures and graded tutorials are due every 2 weeks(!!). There are still weekly tutorials but its only graded for every 2nd one, wow this saved me a lot of time phew. I didnt get to do the tutorials for those that are not graded but read through the questions so that i get a gist of whats going on, and somehow i really dont have the time to do it? CS1010S really absorbed a large chunk of my time cries. Finals was a oK it was not that bad i think. There are 20 MCQs and then about 4 structured questions? Closed-book with 1 A4 sheet cheatsheet.

Oh and the bad part about the tutorials are the tutors wont provide you with the model answers/codes so you’re really just on your own. You either get it or nah. :_D

GER1000 Quantitative Reasoning

Weightage:

1. Tutorial — 10%

2. 10 Weekly Quizzes — 20%

3. Project —35% (Presentation 10%, Final Report 25%)

4. Finals (28 MCQs, 2h) — 35%

No lectures so no profs, just weekly online videos and quizzes.

Tutorials are every odd/even weeks depending on the slot you chose.

Groups are arranged by the TAs beforehand.

This was pre-allocated for us so (grits teeth). Honestly a waste of time. One of the mods i neglected till the end to focus on other mods (which was worth it). The workload was manageable, of course (if not how to neglect). Every 2 week you meet together wiht your groupmates to discuss tutorial questions (each group will discuss 1 qn) and every tutorial class ended about 30min earlier. Nearing the end theres a group project report and slides to be done. Report is in the form of QnA so you just answer the questions and slides/ presentation is going through an article of a topic you chose (theres about 10) and you analyse the QR part of it what is good what can be better, etc. Theres also a bit of the stats part with probability and stuff but its a OK. Bell curve steep for finals (40 MCQ, 2h) but most finished in 1h and left the hall, i was one of the few who stayed till the end even though i was just staring at the paper into the depths of my soul for reasons unknown) It’s a lot about experiments not really the scientific/ calculations part of it but understanding about coming up with experiments, the pros and cons of carrying things out a certain way in loose terms something like the art of crafting experiments? makes you think a bit deeper how and what people think and not so dry i guess.

Epilogue

i guess thats a wrap–new semester starts soon :( i think this might be the first module/semester review tumblr blog but i hope this can be of help to anyone, to anyone at all. the owner of many of similar review blogs get really stellar results which i may be too out of league from so i hope this brings comforts to those who are doing not so well and encourage them because im not any different we exist, and we’ll survive.

CARPE DIEM 2020 LETS GEDDIT

[disableddisaster]

all;)

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

u shd be attracted to the person u date !

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

yea!!!!

3. Are you a virgin?

nope!!

4. Are you in a relationship?

nope!

5. Are you in love?

w UUUUU

6. Are you single this year?

im single rn?

7. Can you commit to one person?

yea!

8. Describe your crush

shes..... so pretty and sweet adfasdf

9. Describe your perfect mate

”mate” asdfads u sound like the breeding guy

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

noo

11. Do you ever want to get married?

maybe!!

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

idk ive never been betrayed!

13. Do you get jealous easily?

nope!!

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

YEA!

15. Do you have any piercings?

my ears?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

nope!! id love some tho!!

17. Do you like kissing in public?

ideally yes but im a lesbian in a very conservative area lol

20. Do you shower every day?

i try to!!

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

i hope so >:O

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

probably??????

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

YEA LOL

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

i hope not?!

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

theres only like 2 months left of the year

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

yea !

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

YEA

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

yea :/

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

nope

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

i dont wanna change anything

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

FUCk yea

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

nah

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

HA

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

yea!!

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yea..........

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

yea !

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

YEA SDFSDF

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yes :/

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

straight grl crushes bro

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

nope!

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

yea!!

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

this is WEIRD asdfasdf hmm exactly 4 minutes and 27 seconds.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

idk like 9 months????

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

4!

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

no one i think

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

not v much!! idk tho

47. How old are you?

19!

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

id support them!!

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

well i DONT so

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

whats a true love asdfadsf

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

U bitch

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

YEA ADHDFKD pls communicate w me 

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

im not talking to anyone adfadf

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

probably not i have memory issues

55. Share a relationship story.

one time a man thought i was my last gfs son. we r the same age

56. State 8 facts about your body

uhh im rly short, im bald, i have a million chronic illnesses that fill up the rest of the facts 

57. Things you want to say to an ex

PLS stop 

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

just be cute and nice 2 me asdfasdf

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

my me tag!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

if we r talking dating like 2 years !!! i rly dont know otherwise adsfadgdfg

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

their smile !!!!!!!!!

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

if u think it was sex it was probably sex

64. What is your definition of cheating?

depends on the relationship!

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

literally ANYTHING!!! if its a first date..... not a movie!!!

68. What is your sexual orientation?

GAY GAY!!!

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

be NICE to ME!!!

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

i rly.... dont know?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

SURPRISE DATE SURPRISE DATE

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im a terrible gf

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

if ur young........... Bad. if ur old.................. a lil weird

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

idk!!!!!!! i dont rly get jealous

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

like 5 seconds ago to u or one of my friends probably

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

U!!!!!!!!! @petsalamandervevo,....... my Crush?, my 2 friends nat and ash

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

NAT!!!

83. Who was your first kiss with?

c***

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

tbh............... bcs im an asshole??? i just didnt wanna date anyone !

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

yea if it wasnt long distance!!