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cksmart-world · 2 years

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SMART BOMB

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

January 17, 2023

GOODBYE JOE, YOU SHOULD'A KNOWN, ME-OH MY-OH

Classified documents discovered over the MLK holiday weekend in a birdcage at President Biden's beach house has thrown the White House into a tizzy. The top secret papers were promptly delivered to the National Archives, bird poop and all, along with Biden's vintage 1967 Corvette convertible that had been employed to spirit them away. Spokeswoman Karine Jean-Pierre said the president is cooperating fully with authorities in hopes he can get the car back quickly. “It's kind of like a security blanket,” she told reporters, adding, “they can keep the birdcage.” Upon hearing the news, former president Donald Trump said, “Hypocrite, hypocrite, na, na, na, na, na.” The controversy is bad news for Attorney General Merrick Garland, who can't very well prosecute Trump without investigating Biden, too. It all adds up to one political cluster (expletive deleted). So it's King's X for Trump — that's the good news. The bad news is it will rob him of a lot of publicity — the kind he needs to rile up the red-hatted MAGA militias who have gone to ground since Trump disciple Kari Lake vanished in Arizona. Meanwhile, Biden continues to whistle past the graveyard repeating the same old tune: “I'm not Trump.” But maybe something else would be more apropos, like “Knockin' On Heavens Door.”

“AS ST. GEORGE TURNS,” THE ROM-COM OF DRAG

The atmosphere may be burning up, there's horrendous flooding, endless drought and fires beyond control. But in St. George they've got real problems — drag shows. This could get dicey. There are F-bombs and C-bombs and who knows what all. It all started last fall when HBO staged “We're Here,” a drag show in Town Square Park that drew some 1,400 onlookers. KABOOM! Satanic worship, cried some. Grooming children, cried others. Cute outfits, whispered some. The dust devil turned into a whirlwind that became a tempest in a teapot. Then the LGBT Student Association at Utah Tech hosted a drag show of its own. What is the world coming to. This isn't New York City where sin is like a plague. This is St. George, Utah, founded by nice, Mormon people who believe women have a special place under God's heaven and they didn't mean hairy men in fishnet stockings and sparkly heels. Who are you going to call — a crisis manager, of course. He will give perverted progressives a taste of their own medicine, with F-bombs and C-bombs and nastiness. Oops! Backfire! Maybe fighting drag shows with profanity isn't exactly the best way to go. After all, one of Brigham Young's sons was a drag queen, Madame Patterini. Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of “As St. George Turns.”

LYING IS NOT ILLEGAL — MAYBE

Hey Wilson, what's the big deal with George Santos, anyway. Everyone wants him to resign from Congress. So what if he told a few lies when running for a House seat from Long Island. No big thing, everyone on Long Island lies. Kevin McCarthy, the new speaker of the House, doesn't care if Santos fibbed about where he went to college and grad school. Getting an education can be a hindrance when trying to think. Kevin McCarthy knows that all too well. Santos may have prevaricated a little about being the grandson of Holocaust refugees. But he didn't say he is a Jew, Santos said he is “Jew-ish.” Get it. He's actually Catholic. But who cares and besides Kevin McCarthy needs his vote: without it he wouldn't be speaker and going forward the GOP holds only a nine-vote majority in the House. And hey, Lying isn't illegal. Is a Burger King Whopper really as big as it is in the ads? Did Bill Clinton have sex with that woman? Did Saddam Hussein have “weapons of mass destruction.” The Washington Post counted 30,573 false or misleading statements by Trump during his presidency. George Santos has got a lot of prevaricating to do to catch up or even be seen as a decent liar. But as long as Kevin McCarthy and the GOP need him the country will be better off. And that's not the truth, either.

Post script — That's a wrap for another wet week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of the Utah Legislature so you don't have to. Na, we try not to pay attention to those people —.not good for mental health. But hark, they may adopt a new state flag this session. Very important! And then there's the culture war stuff: get down on transgenders, get down on abortion, get down on restricting guns and bring in ice from the North Pole to fill The Great Salt Lake. We can't come up for air until March 3 — or maybe ever. Republicans in Congress are playing the old “we're going to save taxpayers” ploy by making sure the IRS doesn't have needed manpower. The House GOP just stripped $71 billion in funding from the agency. In 2010 more than 21 percent of tax returns reporting more than $10 million in income were audited, according to the GAO — that dropped to 3.9 percent by 2019. In the coming decade the federal deficit will grow by $100 billion in lost tax revenue. And finally this from our “News You Can Use” file — The Deseret News reports when it comes to bagels, Utah doesn't cut it. According to Lawn Love, Salt Lake City is ranked 122 and West Valley is 190th. Lawn Love, it turns out, is a lawn care service. Is this a great country, or what.

Well Wilson, poor old Joe Biden is up to his ankles in quick sand. What's up with the way the White House deals with classified documents. Now, it's the Republicans who are licking their chops. Christmas may have come late, but boy did it come. So get the band to put down their 1040s and play something for Old Joe that he can hum past the graveyard.

Twas in another lifetime one of toil and blood When blackness was a virtue, the road was full of mud I came in from the wilderness a creature void of form "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" I was burned out from exhaustion buried in the hail Poisoned in the bushes and blown out on the trail Hunted like a crocodile ravaged in the corn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" Well the deputy walks on hard nails and the preacher rides a mount But nothing really matters much it's doom alone that counts And the one-eyed undertaker he blows a futile horn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" In a little hilltop village they gambled for my clothes I bargained for salvation and she gave me a lethal dose I offered up my innocence, I got repaid with scorn "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm" Well I'm living in a foreign country but I'm bound to cross the line Beauty walks a razor's edge someday I'll make it mine If I could only turn back the clock to when God and her were born "Come in," she said "I'll give you shelter from the storm"

(Shelter From the Storm — Bob Dylan)

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louistrations · 4 years

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🍔

#original #original character #karin montrose #Ape Yacht Kookies #burger bikini

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ap-kinda-lit · 5 years

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Suigetsu: Do you hear me, Karin?

Karin: Yes. I wear glasses, not hearing aids.

#s: bob's burgers #incorrect quotes #karin uzumaki #suigetsu #naruto shippuden #lol

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cerastes · 6 years

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How to do World Difficulty:

Ignore the power rating recommendation. It doesn’t know shit.

Just. Fucking use one Hero that you’ve poured all your resources into and a support. it’s fine.

The other three slots are for Heroes and fodder you want to level up. Optimize your experience gain. Touch the skies.

Friendship Always Wins.

#today is another calm and cozy day in wish I sic Burger Karin onto things and the things die and I get rewards #business as usual

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completelycorrectnarutoquotes · 7 years

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#Karin #Karin Uzumaki #Naruto Uzumaki #Naruto #Naruto Shippuden #Bob's Burgers

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loveliveheaven · 2 years

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What are the favorite foods of the Love Live Nijigasaki characters?

Emma likes Bread Kanata likes Takoyaki Karin likes Mikan and bean paste Ai Likes Nukazuke Ayumu Likes Takoyaki Setsuna Likes cooking but picky with food Rina Likes Hanpen Shioriko Likes Burgers Kasumi Likes Bread Shizuku Likes Noodles (like her Seiyuu)

#ask #ask loveliveheaven

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lokaleblickecom · 4 months

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hantuyangsepertiburung714 · 2 years

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What are the favorite foods of the Love Live Nijigasaki characters?

I don't know Ayumu's, Shizuku's, Karin's, Kanata's, Setsuna's, Rina's

Kasumin and Emma's might be bread

I remember reading Ai's favorite food section and it has something to do with green, maybe melon

Lanzhu likes steak

Mia and Shioriko like burgers

I'm guessing this is a trivial question

#thebirdyghost's asks #love live #love live nijigasaki #ayumu uehara #kasumi nakasu #kasumin nakasu #shizuku osaka #karin asaka #ai miyashita #kanata konoe #setsuna yuki #emma verde #rina tennoji #lanzhu zhong #mia taylor #shioriko mifune

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laurenwritesfics · 3 years

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Untidy Lives (Preview)

YEAR ONE:

There was only one person April Kepner could truly count on to brighten up a dull day – her mother, Karen, and it seemed she had taken that duty literally. Crunching up the driveway in white heels and a sunshine yellow dress, she greeted April with a screech, enveloping her in a tight hug.

Today, Harriet Kepner-Avery was turning one.

“Hi, Mom.”

“Hi, honey.” Karen pulled back, holding April’s wrists. “Let me look at you.” Her eyes drifted from her daughter’s warm cinnamon hair to her loose blouse, jeans and white sneakers. Throughout April’s adolescence, people had gushed over how much she looked like her mother. Now, she was an entirely separate person. No longer her mother’s shadow. Karen tutted. “Is this what you��re wearing?”

April sighed. “I didn’t have time-“

“Nonsense,” Karen wafted a hand, “your father’s getting the gifts from the car. Go freshen up. We’ll keep the birthday girl occupied for a little while. Besides…” she trailed off, miming a gagging motion and nodding towards the stain on her shoulder. April pulled at the soft cotton and frowned. How long had that stain been there? She didn’t know. The discovery of the stain had diverted her train of thought. She leaned over Karen’s shoulder and caught a glimpse of the familiar blue Volvo.

“Wait, Dad’s here?”

Karen was interrupted – a rare occurrence in their almost forty year marriage – by her husband, Joe. He ambled towards the two of them, lugging a stack of immaculately wrapped gifts.

“Well, hello there Little Miss!”

“Dad! I thought you were working on the farm?”

“What, and miss my granddaughter’s first birthday? Not a chance!” Joe chortled. Karen took two boxes from the top of the pile when Joe arrived at the doorstep. “And I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to this one.” He inclined his head, his voice soft and peppy as he reached past April to tweak Harriet’s nose.

April whipped around to see Matthew bouncing a half-asleep Harriet in his arms. “She’s supposed to be napping for another hour.” She chided.

“I know, but it’s her first birthday. I don’t want her to miss it.”

“She’ll miss it when she uses her ice cream cake as a pillow because she didn’t get a whole nap.”

Matthew huffed. “I think Mommy underestimates me.”

April ignored him, one foot in the doorway. “I’m gonna go change my shirt. You can put the gifts in the living room.”

Karen followed her inside while Matthew, Harriet and Joe moved to the back yard.

As much as she hated to admit it, her mother was right. Changing into a floral blouse and a pair of flats – and at Karen’s insistence, some light makeup – although April felt tired, she didn’t look it anymore. With a final scrunch of her hair and a pop of her lips, she peered out of the bedroom window. Harriet was sat in the grass, her tiny fingers wrapped around the string of a pink balloon. Jackson was pulling the string, making it bob up and down, much to Harriet’s delight. Shit. Jackson. She had assumed he would be late, fresh from the hospital. She blinked rapidly, taken aback, and rushed out of the room. Karen found April with her head in the refrigerator.

“Mom, can you get the candles?”

“What’s the rush?” Karen exclaimed.

April tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, leaning back to meet her mother’s baffled gaze. “Jackson’s here.”

“Oh.” She replied flatly, rifling through every drawer in the kitchen island. “Where are the darn matches?”

“I’m married to a First Responder, remember? They’re in a super-secret safe place that nobody on Earth can find.”

“Of course,” she shook her head in amusement “I’ll go ask him.”

“No,” April stepped away from the refrigerator to block her path “I’ll go. The paper plates and napkins are in the-“

“Third drawer, I know.” Karen pressed a hand to her cheek. “Take a breath. Go out there and enjoy it. I can take care of everything.”

Karen Kepner was a woman of her word. She had fussed over Harriet from the moment she was born. April would usually have found this irritating, but losing Samuel, her first-born, changed that. Karen dropped everything to be with April and Jackson while they grieved. While Jackson worked and April sat sobbing on the couch in their cramped condo. When April got up in the middle of the night, convinced she could hear his cries and Jackson couldn’t console her. What might have seemed like interfering before was now a blessing. Harriet was a blessing. And April was going to experience every moment with her to the fullest extent.

Outside, Joe and Matthew were hunched over the barbecue.

“Mommy’s here!” Matthew hollered, a few whoops and cheers sounding behind him. He sauntered over to April and wrapped his arms around her, lowering his voice to a sultry whisper. “And Mommy looks hot.”

April pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. “I should go and say hi to everyone before the cake’s brought out.” Her hands slipped from his chest. It wasn’t hard for Matthew to work out that by ‘everyone’, she meant Jackson. She mingled with family and friends, ate one of Joe’s famous almost-cremated burgers, cuddled and cooed at Harriet. From the outside, it looked easy for her. On the inside, it took every ounce of strength she had.

The moment her eyes locked with Jackson’s, Matthew strolled over, one hand placed protectively on the small of her back. Her past and her present stood before her, and the only similarity between them was the brand of beer they were drinking. Jackson removed one hand from the pocket of his grey hoodie to offer Matthew an awkward handshake.

“No Maggie?” April probed.

“We broke up.” Jackson rubbed the back of his shaved head. “A while ago.”

“Oh, sorry.” April scrunched her nose and inhaled sharply.

“Yeah. I was seeing someone, actually – a paramedic – but we, uh…” He glanced at his feet.

“Ah.” April nodded.

“That sucks, buddy.” Matthew smacked Jackson on the arm. It was like this every time Matthew and Jackson met. Awkward. Stunted. A sterile attempt at civility.

Harriet toddled over, held up by Joe. He wiggled her arms to make it look as if she was waving. “Little Miss was chewing her fist, so I think it’s time for cake.” Jackson bent down as Joe handed her over. “I’ll go help your mother in the kitchen.” He smoothed his shirt. “At least I won’t have to call 911 in an emergency.”

“Good luck.” April quipped.

Jackson’s eyes popped, making Harriet giggle. He, April and Matthew burst into laughter. She was the glue that held their paper-thin relationship together.

A discordant rendition of ‘Happy Birthday’ drifted from the kitchen as Joe and Karen emerged with a large pink ice cream cake. Jackson bounced Harriet and kissed her wispy hair. A single candle wilted, unlit, in the center. Still, they mimed blowing it out. Matthew stuffed the candle in his pocket before the cake was set down on the patio table. April held Harriet to her hip and pulled up a chair.

“Everybody grab a plate!” She yelled, and the crowd scattered. They returned to the sight of Harriet happily digging her fist into the cake.

When the time came to open Harriet’s gifts, everyone gathered in the living room to watch her grab and teethe on the corners of the boxes. The first gift was from Matthew’s mother, Patricia, who Harriet had dubbed Tee-Tee. Her relationship with April was complicated, but not complicated enough to stop her from spending time with her second granddaughter. Harriet already owned a sensory play set, but still they appreciated the gesture, thanking her with kind eyes.

“Say thank you, Tee-Tee.” April encouraged Harriet, pointing to Patricia.

Harriet’s lips grappled with the word for a moment. Then, an outburst of “Tee-Tee!”

Patricia smiled, walking over to the couch to sweep her palm across Harriet’s hair and press a kiss to the crown of her head. The next gift came from Jackson’s mother, Catherine, and step-father Richard. A beautifully engraved silver piggy bank with a dollar tucked into the slot.

“It’s never too early to start saving. Especially if she’s going to get into Harvard.” She quirked a perfectly curved eyebrow and smiled.

“Catherine!” Richard playfully chided.

“Thank you.” April said again, beginning to feel the words lose their meaning.

Joe and Karen had bought an assortment of farm-related toys and books, which made April roll her eyes. Harriet immediately shoved the rubbery head of a cow into her mouth.

Matthew and April’s gift, a sit-to-stand walker, was yet another addition to Harriet’s collection of pink items. When they had decorated the nursery, Matthew’s only comment was that it looked as though someone had poured Pepto-Bismol over everything. April countered this with the argument that it would encourage Harriet to unapologetically embrace her femininity. Besides, she was sharing the room with Matthew’s daughter Ruby. As usual, he was out-voted by estrogen. So, he buckled under the weight of his love for his three favorite girls.

April heard the subtle hitch of Matthew’s breath beside her. He was smiling, but it was a tight-jawed, forced smile. She knew exactly what – or rather, who - was running through his mind. Karin. Sometimes at night, when April tucked Harriet and Ruby’s blankets into their cribs, she would stare at Ruby, examining every detail of her face. Every faint line on her palms. She felt guilty. Sitting here, watching her own daughter celebrate the milestone that Karin never would. A lump formed in her throat. She reached for Matthew’s hand, but he pulled away. He harrumphed, shifted against the cushions and promptly excused himself. He returned ten minutes later with a glass of water and puffy eyes.

“If you need to take a minute, it’s okay.”

“No, I’m good.”

“Matthew,” April rubbed his arm “take a couple minutes. Get some air. Please?”

He chugged the last of the water and wordlessly agreed, slipping out into the garden. He watched Jackson present April with a hefty 3-in-1 stroller – the one she’d been lusting after for a month. He watched her fumble with its clips to detach the balance bike and plop Harriet onto the seat. He watched another man be the father he would never be. A deep ache spread through him and he leaned against the cool fence, glancing up at the nursery window. He took a long moment to forgive himself for the act of betrayal he was about to commit, then he headed back inside, softly thudding up the stairs. He sat with Ruby for, well, he didn’t know how long, but it was long enough for him to catch a glimpse of Karin. For him to apologize to her with a prayer. Long enough for him to feel guilty for disappearing.

Downstairs, Jackson grabbed another beer from the refrigerator. He turned to April, who was mixing a rum and coke for her mother, and pulled an envelope from his pocket.

“April?” He tapped her on the shoulder. “I know I’ve already given Harriet a gift, but this is something extra. Just a small thing, I promise. I didn’t wanna make a big deal out of it back there.”

“Why?” April ripped the envelope open and her lips parted in confusion. Inside was a receipt for a monthly toy box subscription. “Jackson, what is this?”

“I’m not around all the time. I don’t get to take her to playgroup every week or build blocks with her or read The Velveteen Rabbit. This is my way of being there. I don’t wanna be that guy. The father who slips in and out of his child’s life. I can’t do that to her.”

“Jackson,” April gazed up at him, sharing the sadness in his eyes “you are not your father. If you wanna see her more often, we can work something out.”

Matthew entered the kitchen, dropped his glass in the sink and glared at the two of them. “Sorry for interrupting.” He slunk away.

“Can we?” Jackson quipped.

April rubbed her face and placed the envelope on the kitchen island. “I should get back out there before Dad has another beer and starts doing impressions of farm animals.”

Later, when the house was empty and Harriet had been put to bed messy-mouthed and content, April and Matthew were left to pick up the discarded pieces of wrapping paper and conversation. They sat the dining table, each waiting for the other to speak first. Matthew rolled a beer bottle between his palms as he tried to organize his thoughts. April traced the patterns in the wood-grain, eyes darting up to meet Matthew’s.

“Wanna talk about it?” She prompted, met only with silence. She leaned forward, palm pressed against her cheek. “I know it’s hard, but it would be nice if you let me in every once in a while.”

He replied with a non-committal grunt.

“Say something. Anything. Please, Matthew.” After a beat, she pushed back from the table and walked away. Then, just as she reached the kitchen archway –

“My wife died. What am I supposed to say?”

April’s next breath drained from her mouth. “I’m your wife, Matthew. You’re blinded by grief, not blind.”

Matthew’s head was in his hands, his voice muffled. “I lost Karin, and you saved me, April. You saved me. You know that.”

“Well, it sure doesn’t feel like it.” She snapped.

Every time they fought, April would end up sleeping in a half-empty queen size bed. She woke with a jolt when she felt a cold arm drape across her stomach. They didn’t apologize. They were long past that. They locked eyes and April grazed his cheek with the back of her hand.

“We’ll get through this together. We know each other’s pain, remember?”

“I know.” He pulled her into his chest and hummed against her lips.

That night, in spite of everything, they slept peacefully in each other’s arms.

Read the full story on AO3

#Japril #Jackson Avery #April Kepner #Grey's Anatomy #Lauren Writes #laurenwritesfics #grey's anatomy fanfic #japril fanfic #angst #drama #japril angst #greys spoilers #greys anatomy

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taperwolf · 3 years

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December 6 is Mia Taylor's birthday!

And since it's her first since joining the Nijigasaki School Idol Club, she's got brand new in-game greetings from everybody.

These fall into a few categories. First, people taking about her music:

People joining in on what Mia likes:

People dragging Mia into what they like (which she will inevitably enjoy after grumbling a bit):

And compromises between the last two:

Just gifts (with a touch of personal interests):

And plain sweetness:

(Some of these are subject to interpretation, of course; for example, I'm reading Kasumi's offering as a ground-beef-and-toppings koppepan here, or it would go back in the "dragging" section.)

(Transcriptions after the break.)

[Transcription of above images:

Image 1: Greetings

Happy Birthday! Mia 12.6

Mia: Hehe. I'm a bit embarrassed. Thanks.

Mia: You remembered my birthday? Wow, you really pay attention to detail... No, I'm not unhappy about it... B-But I'm not being bashful about it either!

Image 2: Music

Maki: Happy birthday, Mia. I've been practicing your songs on the piano. Will you listen to them?

Riko: Happy birthday, Mia. I baked you a cake, so I'd love for you to try it! And if you feel like it... please tell me a bit about your songwriting.

Nico: Happy birthday, Mia! My little siblings are big fans of the songs you write. Come over for dinner any time! I'll cook you your favorite meal.

Mari: Miaaa! Happy birthday! I just love the songs you write sooo much. Fill me in on your songwriting secrets!

Honoka: Happy birthday, Mia! Let's go to karaoke now. I wanna hear you sing!

Chika: Happy birthday, Mia! You know what? Listening to your songs always peps me up!

Image 3: Mia's likes:

You: Happy birthday, Mia! Let's go get hamburgers together!

Shioriko: Happy birthday, Mia. Let's go have ice cream after school. We need to make today special, so let's challenge ourselves with a triple-scoop cone!

Lanzhu: Happy birthday, Mia. I'm not a fan of remolded meats, but I'll have hamburgers with you today. Let's go!

Yoshiko: Happy birthday, Mia. Let's play some games together right now. We can go head-to-head on my fallen angel live stream!

Image 4: Others' likes

Umi: Wishing you a happy birthday, Mia. If you're interested in Japanese martial arts at all, would you like to visit the archery dojo sometime?

Rin: Miaaa, happy birthday! Let's go have ramen! I know of a ramen place that you'll just love.

Kanan: Happy birthday, Mia! Gaming is fun, but so is going out! We should go ocean diving together sometime. I'll teach you everything you need to know!

Nozomi: Happy birthday, Mia. I'd love to see you in a shrine maiden outfit. We should dress up in one together sometime!

Ai: Happy birthday, Mia-chi! I'm gonna take you all over the place allll day today! Let's do lots of fun stuff!

Karin: Happy birthday, Mia! I want to give you a head-to-toe makeover today. I hope you're ready for this!

Shizuku: Happy birthday, Mia. I have a DVD of a play that I'd like to watch with you. Let's watch it together with some popcorn.

Hanamaru: Happy birthday, Mia! I got you a book of Japanese proverbs as your present, zura. Did you know that lots of American proverbs are similar to Japanese ones?

Image 5: Synthesis

Hanayo: Mia, happy birthday! You love hamburgers, right? Have you ever had a rice burger? Let's go grab one together.

Setsuna: Mia, happy birthday! Since you love baseball, I've brought over some baseball-themed anime that I recommend. Would you like to watch together?

Kasumi: Happy birthday, Miako! I made an extra-special bread roll for you today. It's even tastier than a hamburger and will blow you away. Bon appetit!

Image 6: Gifts

Kotori: Happy birthday, Mia! I want to sew the perfect outfit for you. Can I take your measurements?

Ruby: Happy birthday, Mia! I tried making a hair accessory that I thought would suit you. I hope you like it.

Kanata: Mia, happy birthdaaay! I made you cupcakes. Let's eat them together!

Image 7: Sweetness

Ayumu: Happy birthday, Mia! I collected a bunch of microwave-only recipes for you. Let's make something together.

Dia: Wishing you a very happy birthday, Mia. Despite being small you have such a strong stage presence during your performances. I truly admire that.

Rina: Happy birthday, Mia. I'm so happy we're friends. Let's find more and more things that we can share in. Rina-chan Board says, "All smiles!"

Eli: Happy birthday, Mia. You're so young to have it all figured out. Good for you. But know that you can always come to me for help whenever you need it.

Emma: Mia, happy birthday! I'll show you my secret hideout near the dorms. Come with me!

End transcription.]

#love live #sifas #nijigasaki #nijigaku #mia taylor #i love mia and rina's relationship so much #even if their dynamic is basically tsundere+the one person she's not tsun at

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