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natalievoncatte · 3 months ago

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Kara had been pacing for hours. With every step she took, the anxiety was worse, and if she didn’t stop soon she was afraid she’d wear a groove in her floor.

Lena had Kryptonite.

Why did Lena have Kryptonite?

Why was Lena gathering the only thing that could hurt her? The best way to kill her?

Fuming, Kara stormed back and forth, rubbing at her arms as her heart raced. She couldn’t imagine Lena ever harming her. They’d had brunch that morning! They’d chatted and gossiped and Kara had laughed at a tiny bit of crème on the tip of Lena’s nose, and her heart had swelled in her chest when she imagined flicking it off with a finger.

(She wondered if her lips would taste like sugar and spice and everything nice)

When Alex had told her, Kara had protested, objected, shouted, and finally Alex had left her alone to “work it out” but told her they had to do something, and soon.

Kara had to know.

Why?

She couldn’t stand it anymore. It was like a full body itch, wriggling beneath her skin from scalp to soles. If she didn’t get an answer she’d lose her mind.

Kara reached for her suit, hanging crisply pressed from the same clothing rack as her work outfits, but stopped, fingers curling around nothing.

She couldn’t do this as Supergirl. Lena would be hostile, defensive, clam up and shut her down. No, this was a job for Kara. That was what she told herself when she shrugged into a cardigan and set off, walking rather than flying across town.

Kara traveled as a human traveled, slowly. Her part of town was vibrant, with music and excitement spilling from hip bars. The tang of booze and the sharp acrid bite of tobacco smoke lashed at her as she passed.

She reached downtown and walked down the street, hugging herself and rubbing at her arms as if against a chill. It was quieter here, the offices and towers empty near midnight. As she passed Noonan’s, she briefly paused to study the chairs as they sat atop the tables and the empty space where she’d once slung lattes and pastries before somehow getting sucked into Cat Grant’s mad world.

She saw her own reflection in the dark glass and adjusted her glasses before moving on.

Lena’s building had doormen and one of them recognized her.

“Miss Danvers?” he said. His name was Todd or Rod or maybe… she didn’t remember. “Miss Luthor isn’t expecting guests.”

“I was just in the neighborhood.”

“It’s a bit late for an evening stroll.”

Nevertheless he stepped inside and returned a moment later, ushering her to the elevator. The light for Lena’s floor was lit. She’d called it up herself.

When the doors opened and Kara stepped out, Lena’s door stood open, spilling light out.

“Kara?” Lena asked softly, “It’s so late. What’s wrong?”

Kara froze, her resolve slipping away as easily as the moisture on her tongue as her mouth went dry. Lena was dressed in silk pajama bottoms and a silk top that left her shoulders bare and a flowing silk robe, all green. Her hair was down and fell over her shoulders in inky waves.

Kara could only stare until Lena’s hand curled around her arm and guided her inside. She closed the door behind them and offered Kara a glass of water.

She drained it.

“Kara, what is it? You look terrified.”

Kara looked at her, really looked at her, hearing Lena’s heart quicken as she did. Lena looked away sharply, a soft pink dusting her pale cheeks.

“Are you alright?”

“I have to ask you a question,” said Kara, “and once I ask it I can’t un-ask it.”

Lena swallowed hard, then went to pour herself a scotch, downing two fingers neat in just three gulps.

“Are you going to ask me about the Kryptonite?”

Kara flinched. Lena looked away from her, turning the glass in her hand, trying to hide the shaking.

“Yes.”

Lena slowly, deliberately placed the glass on the counter and shifted herself onto one of the kitchen stools.

“I should be glad it’s you she sent,” said Lena. “Agent Danvers would probably just shoot me first and ask questions later.”

“She? Sent? What do you mean?”

“Supergirl,” said Lena. “I know you’re at least acquainted. I always wondered how, if she knew you first or your sister.”

“Lena, why do you have Kryptonite? Where did you get it?”

“I made it, actually,” said Lena. “It’s surprisingly simple to synthesize if you know how.”

Kara swallowed, hard.

“As to why I have it,” said Lena, “you might be the only person who will believe me.”

“Go on.”

“I’m testing a method of destroying Kryptonite that renders it inert and harmless. It could also be used to destroy the mineral in large quantities or create a lightweight protective layer in Supergirl’s suit.”

“Does it work?”

“It works.”

“But you haven’t told Supergirl.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Still staring at the glass, Lena turned it on the countertop, the thick base making faint scraping sounds against the marble counter.

“Because she wouldn’t. I think when we first met she was suspicious but then really believed that I was trying to help, but lately she’s been suspicious and distant, and questions everything I do, even after Medusa.”

Kara felt a pang of guilt in your chest.

“You’re right,” Kara sighed. “She would. She has been… she’s been struggling for a while now. Things are more complicated and she was hurt after… you’re right, and she owes you an apology.”

“It’s not like we’re friends,” said Lena. “It’s not like I had brunch with her this morning.”

Kara froze, going very still.

“I’m not an idiot,” Lena said, her voice barely more than a whisper. “Think about it. Supergirl’s best friend just happens to be the sister of the deputy director of the D.E.O., who regularly works with Supergirl. Supergirl’s best fiend is who has having coffee with her just when two goons happened to toss me off my own balcony. In the middle of the night. Supergirl’s best friend who is also Superman’s cousin, just like Supergirl is his cousin.”

“I… but I never said I was…”

“You’re Clark’s cousin and Clark is Superman. Lex has known for ten years, Kara. I already knew.”

Kara hugged herself tighter.

“Also,” said Lena, “you flat out told me you can fly on the day we met.”

“Oh,” Kara said softly.

“Oh,” said Lena.

“Were you going to say something?”

“I liked having a best friend. I like Kara.”

“I am Kara.”

Lena looked at her, and she felt herself shrink.

“Do you believe me about the Kryptonite?”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“If you wanted to hurt me by now, you would have. Besides, I… I just do.”

“I have never understood why you can be so harsh to me with that stupid suit on and so kind to me the rest of the time.”

Kara looked away, as her lip began to tremble.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lena. I wish I’d told you sooner, after Medusa or after Metallo almost exploded in our faces. I know I’ve been acting differently lately and I’m sorry.”

Kara turned back and saw that Lena was crying, a tear glittering on her cheek. A sharp, cruel pain lanced through her, like a knife parting her flesh from her ribs. She took a halting half step forward, stopped, then closed the distance, lightly resting her hand on Lena’s back. Feeling her body heat beneath the silk was intoxicating, and Kara felt her head spin.

“Did you come here to tell me?” said Lena.

“I came because I was scared, and angry. I’m tired of losing things. Places. People. I was so scared that Alex and James were right and I was being stupid about you.”

Lena snorted. “Oh of course.”

“The first time I ever saw you, I had this feeling, this… I can’t even put it into words. It was like remembering something I’d forgotten I knew. That same day when Clark said you were up to something, I told him off.”

Lena turned to look at her, one eyebrow raised.

“Is that feeling why you couldn’t leave me alone?”

“Yes,” Kara whispered.

Lena turned her body on the stool, facing her, and slipped off onto her heels. She stood mere inches from Kara now, looking up at her. With Kara standing in her sneakers and Lena barefoot, the height difference forced Kara to look down at her.

It was unbearable. The softness of her soft pink lips, the elegant rake of her jaw, her chin and throat and collarbones demanding kisses. She was so tiny and vulnerable and soft.

“You’re so damned rash and impulsive and headstrong,” said Lena. “Lex is going to kill you. He already wanted to kill you to spite your cousin, but now it’s worse because he knows. He casually dropped it in conversation and he caught my tell.”

“Your tell?”

Lena’s fingers walked up Kara’s chest and fiddled with her collar, playing with the top button.

“If I can figure out who you are, he can too. He has, I’m sure.”

“Lena,” Kara said.

“I won’t let him hurt you. The Luthors took everything and everyone from me and he can’t have you too!”

Kara froze for a brief moment, going very quiet. She swallowed hard as Lena looked away from her gaze, pointedly staring into her chest.

“Tell me they’re wrong,” Kara whispered.

“I would never hurt you.”

“Lex isn’t going to do anything to me,” said Kara.

She had, almost without realizing, slid her arm around Lena’s waist and now Lena was a soft weight pressed to her chest, heart fluttering between them like a tiny bird. Kara touched Lena’s jaw and gently tilted her face up as their eyes met.

“Kara Danvers believes in you, Lena.”

“I’m scared, Kara. He knows how I feel.”

“How do you feel?”

“For someone with fifty different types of vision, you can be incredibly blind.”

“I know how I feel,” said Kara. “You’re more than a friend to me, Lena. I can be more to you if you want me to be.”

Lena darted up and pressed a soft kiss to Kara’s lips and she was momentarily stunned, too stunned to even kiss her back until instinct took over and she pulled Lena even closer, molding their bodies together. When Lena moaned into her mouth, Kara could swear she could feel her soul briefly leave her body.

“You know, I’ve never properly thanked you for those heroic rescues,” Lena husked, her voice like a silk scarf flowering over Kara’s skin.

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theshipdiaries · 1 day ago

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I can't go through losing another ship. I just can't. All I do is lose and honestly? It hurts me like someone I personally knew and loved died. I don't know why it hurts me this deeply. But it's crazy. I cried more when Klaus Mikaelson died than when my grandfather who I loved deeply died. To be fair he was 96 he WANTED TO DIE and literally stopped eating on purpose so he would die because he was bored out of his mind and all his friends had died and felt like he had no purpose anymore. It's not like you can have long term goals at his age. So we all saw it coming and I knew he wanted it and was happy so It brought me comfort.

BUT KLAUS MIKAELSON'S DEATH? Totally unexpected, felt like a huge betrayal. And it just sent me into a deep spiral and I'm still mourning him. Cried for 3 days locked in my room. Every once in a while I still cry. It's been 6 years AND I HATE IT. Because it's so stupid. HE IS NOT REAL. Just ink on a script and fake everything. And yet it hurts. It hurts so much. Losing Klaroline was like losing a part of myself. Something I had loved for so long, something I had invested so much time in, been obsessed with for so long.

And then sometimes karamel makes me cry. They were the representation of true love for me. True soft good love. What everyone deserves. And I cry at their loss. And the injustice of Kara ending up alone and sad. The message that if you are a woman you have to choose to either be strong and independent or be in love. And it was made explicitly clear that Kara wanted to get married and have a family. SHE LONGED FOR IT. But they didn't let her. They punished her for it. The same writers who forced the character to want it. But all the other male superheroes? They were applauded for it.

Most other ships don't make me cry but anger me deeply. Like bellarke and barchie and Hyde and Jackie. REYLO.

And now? I'm terrified for Kastle. I can't lose them too. I thought I was safe. The show was cancelled and there was never a resolution but it ended in both literally confessing their love. Karen begging him to choose her and telling him there is nothing he could do to change her feelings for him. That she would risk it all and run away with him. Him confessing that he doesn't want to feel this. He is not ready to feel this. Who is he without his war? He doesn't know. But he knows he loves her. She means everything to him. I was fine with that ending. Even with him REJECTING HER. Because it was made obvious that he loved her. But his arc wasn't over. He needed more time. And the writers had respect for the ship. Understood it.

But now? I have no idea what they might do. They might pretend they were never anything to each other. They might kill her off. They might betray all of us and destroy the characters completely. Just like with bellarke just like with Hyde and Jackie. Ignore everything stablished and stab us fans in the back. Treat us like we are stupid and undeserving of respect.

I CANT GO THROUGH THAT PAIN AGAIN. I know what it's like and it destroys something in me EACH TIME. Again, it's like someone I loved very deeply died. I don't know why. But it hurts. And I just don't know if I have it in me. I'm so scared. Terrified. More than for my future or for anything.

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