#kakashi kun

[mayskalih]

[brighteuphony]

Thank you again for all the interest and asks! <3

Sakura was listed dead after her caravan got attacked on the way to the Land of Tea, so the reunions are both painful and tear-jerking.

Sakura actually ends up escorting Kakashi back to Konoha, after a mission in the Land of Tea leaves him unable to use chakra till he heals properly. It's a long walk back to Konoha, so some laundry gets aired out. It's a strange tentative relationship they've got afterward, where Kakashi grapples with many very strange and upsetting emotions. After all, he's used to losing people...but he's never gotten them back before. He doesn't know what to do with that- and he doesn't know what to do with the strange, powerful woman who's taken the place of his once-scared student.

As for Naruto, she's forgiven him and wants his forgiveness in return. They've both done a lot of reflecting- as Naruto realized he'd been living life without realizing how his ideals/nindo could hurt people while Sakura, though her anger was justified, had been cruel and thrown some really low blows. Their relationship won't ever be the same, but that's a good thing. There's a lot of crying.

As for Sasuke...she wants justice. Barring that? Revenge.

[evilkitten3]

au where there's like a paperwork error and sasuke ends up on team eight. but no one else's placement changes. so kakashi has to deal with just naruto and sakura, who isn't filtering herself at all. or better yet, sasuke gets swapped with kiba, so kakashi has to deal with three loudmouth hotheads, one of whom can just track him down whenever he's late.

meanwhile kurenai's first lesson is homicide 101 and sasuke thinks he just hit the team jackpot

[himuronanart]

Decided to draw my favorite hot bois as the first piece of 2023

[lesbiankoby]

tragic and shocking lack of obito&madara content in general

[crows-and-cookies]

Saskue really went up on that mountain with Kakashi and came back not only with more techniques, but with a more emo wardrobe than before

[asiriyep]

Kakashi Week 2024.

Day 3: Secrets.

Orochimaru: Shut up Kakashi-kun, Sasuke-kun wasn't supposed to know that. You ruin my image as a villain.

A part of this, and this.

@kakashiweek

[ludwigplayingthetrombone]

Ding dong, here’s the final chapter! I have an epilogue in mind so that may come later, but for now, Thanks  so so much for the response to this series and Enjoy!

Ch1 Ch2 Ch3

[talking] [talking passes]

Gai: You knew right away, didn’t you? Kka: Correct. I knew something was wrong when you weren’t trying to do situps or anything..... You little criminal, who smuggled that in for you? Gai: Naruto

Kks: How did you get him to do that? /I/ cant even get Naruto to do things. The tear tracks and shit eating grin are cute. Kinda wanna kiss you. Gai: Don’t let me be a hindrance to-

Gai: What are you giggling about? Kks: I just remembered

Kks: I get to hold over your head that I held mirai before you. Gai: You what?! Your first baby hold and I missed it? Get off of me Kks: So mean! Near death made you crabby. Gai: I won’t give into this Kks: You will, you always succumb. [gai sighs annoyed]

Gai: [Groans] When are they making you swear in as hokage? Kks: That’s not happening anymore thankfully. Gai: Huuuh?? Tenzou didn’t tell me that!

Gai: He said Lady Tsunade was retiring and you were the only choice. Naruto even tried to- Kks: Where do you think i’ve been all day? I convinced her to hold out until Naruto or whoever  took over next. Gai: How did you smooth talk that one? Kks: I agreed to do her paperwork and cover for when she needs R&R. I also advised her to ditch the elders so she can actually run this shit show right. Gai: And they... took that well? The elders? Kks: No, not at all. Let’s just say I said some... things that made them backtrack on their decision.

Gai: YOu cant just say that and not tell me now!! I gotta know! Kks: Well... Homura: Absolutely not! Kks: If I am appointed, I’ll be replacing you regardless. Naruto certainly will. It’s inevitable. Koharu: Those kids don’t know how this village runs!

Kks:Those kids just won your war and this is how you speak of them. Or are “those kids“ only respectable to you when they’re eager to die at your beckon call and shut up. Elders: How dare- Watch your tongue! Kks: I won’t be someone who you can walk all over. Things will change. Just so my intentions are clear

Gai: What next?! Kks: That’s is really. Kinda tuned the rest out and passed out for 3 hours. Gai: Rival, I was so invested Kks: Sorry Gai: So you agreed to essentially split the work of a hokage but not publicly take the title? Kks: Mhm Gai: So cool! Apologies, I had just assumes since you were gonna accept last time Kks:[hums] Things changed. Konoha’s not on the brink of war, Tsunade’s still here. The village can breathe and rebuild now.

Kks: After a glimpse of the hassle and public attention the last time, I’m just... Not interested in any of that. I’ve never dreamed or desired to be the hokage. That was always something others wanted /for/ me. So I said no. I know you were happy for me so- Gai: Kakashi

Gai: I’m so very proud of you for expressing how you truly feel. You and tsunade will do amazing work supporting the next generation. Even If you chose to retire today, I’d still be just as proud of you. Also a selfish part of me if happy to have more time with you. [kks huffs]

Kks: I’m proud of you too, y’ know. All your hard work, you’re fucking incredible. Glad my dad made me talk to the cool kid in the green jumpsuit. 2nd coolest shinobi. Gai: Only took 25 years, but I’ve finally caught your eye! Kks: Yup, let’s move in together.

Gai: WHAT?1 Whu-! Kks: I’m fixing up dad’s old house with Tenzou. you should live there with me Gai: Why? Kks: Why are yo suspicious? I’m serious. Space, accessibility for you... I want you around more. Gai: Ok Kks: Ok? Gai: An exciting change is just what my youthful journey needs!! Kks: So yes?

Gai: I would love to share a home with you, Rival [kks giggling] What now?

Kks: Did I just make you succumb, Gai-kun? Gai: When can we have a match next, I need to consensually slap you in the head [kks laughs] Why did you say it like that? Kks: I’m sorry! Your pout looks so cute.... You are still moving in with me, right? That wasnt a joke.

Gai: I’m gonna let you sweat on that one awhile... [whimpers]

Kks: Love you so much, Gai

[gai snoring]

[gai snoring]

[mayskalih]

"Kakashi-kun, you should put your elf hat."

"Ninjas don't wear hats!"

"You're not a ninja now, you're an elf so put your hat!" *shannaro*

Happy Holidays!✨️

[ladykissingfish]

Lee: Sensei, how do I win over my crush?

Gai: That’s easy, Lee. Buy the most beautiful flowers and the most decadent candy. Go for a moonlight stroll around a sparkling lake. Make plenty of eye contact, use every other sentence to give a compliment. Then at the end of the night, gently take her into your arms, and —

Lee: Her? Gai-sensei, I’m talking about Gaara-kun!

Gai: G-Gaara? The Kazekage Gaara??

Lee: Yeah. But … maybe I shouldn’t even try it? I mean it’s probably weird because we’re both guys and —

Gai: This changes everything! First and foremost, you need to travel to the Sand, go to his office, kick down the door, get in his face, and declare him to be your eternal rival! Then you need to relentlessly challenge him to a competition every chance you get! And then, just when he’s angry and annoyed enough to punch you, catch his fist mid-air, and pull him into a kiss. I guarantee he’ll be head over heels for you after that!

Lee: Thank you, Gai-sensei! I’ll prepare to go to him at once! *leaves*

Kakashi, having walked up: That was the absolute worst romantic advice I’ve ever heard anyone give anyone else in my entire life. You should be ashamed of yourself, feeding him such nonsense.

Gai: *puts his arms around Kakashi* Oh? Funny you say that when all of that same stuff worked on you, Eternal Rival. *kisses his cheek*

Kakashi, blushing: Yeah, but, clearly I’m a weirdo in that regard. I guarantee Gaara will have more sense than I did, to fall for such tactics.

*two years later*

Gai, playing piggy-back with Shinki: Say, Kakashi … what was that you were saying to me before, about Gaara being too smart to fall for my tactics? Mm?

Kakashi, looking lovingly down at Metal as he feeds him a bottle: Shut up.

[evilkitten3]

the concept of orochimaru and sakumo having been a thing is so funny to me, especially from kakashi's perspective. imagine your government-assigned babysitting charge runs away to go live with an evil scientist war criminal. who is also your stepmom. you speak of this to no one

[sinnbaddie]

Newfound kink | repost with credit

Kk: you know… you have to stop pushing yourself. Your body won’t work if you overdo it.

Gai: I know that! You have no need to mother me, Kashi!

Kk: Mah, Gai-kun… you don’t want me to be your mommy?

Gai: GAH! Kakashi stop being a pervert!

[maireyart]

I read a kakaobi fic yesterday... OMG.

for love of a boy by revecake. Based on Yukio Mishima's The Sound of Waves. One word: masterful. My art does not depict a specific scene from the fic, it's just something inspired by its mood! Obito's appearance is not fully fic-compliant. Just look at these various quotes:

from the water, kakashi rises and rests his arms on the edge. a tilt of his head, his wet hair falls, pooling silver on obito’s boat, and when obito looks, looks with a certain haze across his eyes, kakashi becomes the mystical half-fish of his dreams. kakashi smiles, and the plain beauty of his naked face is perfectly real. “it’s a good catch today, isn’t it?”

“kakashi-kun?” his father laughs, an exasperated turn of his brow. he continues to trace his blade under the skin of tuna, and another piece of flesh comes butterfly-free, as light and pink as a sakura petal floated from the island’s schoolyard to the sea.

the rain blurs for a moment, and the sight through the dripping leaves is akin to a sheen of sun being thrown from the sky. dazzling, a celestial maiden’s robe has been haphazardly tossed from the heavens to be muddied as a damp blessing across the fresh ground.

when he’s finished, the only curtain to his nudity are the wet clothes draped and swinging from the window pane. they balloon and deflate in the imitation of a body in the wind, but as obito rises, stretches, strides towards the bedroom, the shape of his shoulders and back leaves a solid impression through the wet glass. he doesn’t need to wash, not when the sun has already bathed the lean lines of him in dry heat.

dreams are only fading things, passing on waves, caught in the wind, melted into dew by the morning.

obito looks up at that pale face, and what he sees - he wraps his hands around kakashi’s wrists to keep him there. how can he say this? how does he give language to his desire, how does he make kakashi understand his earnesty in this very moment? he cannot let it become an untranslatable disappearance, as so many dear things are, have been lost to sea.

[yellowocaballero]

“I’m afraid I must call you out of retirement for a final mission.”

Cold ice shot through Tobi’s chest. Fuck.

Did he know? He couldn’t. If he knew, he wouldn’t show it like this. His visit with T&I would be a lot less cheerful, that’s for sure. Was he prodding Tobi, watching for his reaction? Did Sarutobi honestly think he’d slip up? Tobi was incapable of slipping up. He couldn’t tell the truth with a kunai to his throat at this point.

“What sort of mission is it?” Tobi asked excitedly, ripping open the folder. He held the paper up and slowly mouthed the words on the page, fighting to get through the page. Look at him, he filled out his mission reports in crayon and could barely read. “Mission report…assignment duration, promotion or release…pay…oh, ew…assignment…jounin sensei…”

Tobi trailed off.

Distantly, he heard himself say, “Um. Maybe this is a mistake?”

As promised in last post. Kakashi & Obito roleswap. Barely. It's complicated. Please pay no attention to how many roleswaps I have written. Just ignore it. Do me a favor and do not think about it. OK? Thank you.

Snippet from a much longer, much messier document. This part was the very first part writiten and very much a proof of concept. I'm trying to figure out if I should overhaul the thing and turn this into an actual story, so let me know.

Short beginning scene of Tobito's Wild Ride under the cut.

“Tobi. Thank you for coming.”

Obviously, Tobi didn’t bow or kneel. That wasn’t the sort of person Tobi was. He just grinned broadly, waving so broadly that his body swayed with the motion. “Gramps! Hello! Wow, you’ve gotten old since I’ve seen you!”

Sarutobi chuckled, raising a pipe to his mouth. The pipe - either ‘I’m thinking hard’, ‘I want to pretend I’m thinking hard and giving due consideration to your idea when I don’t really care’, or ‘I’ve already decided and I’m pretending that you have a say in this’. What was the point of the last one? This was a literal military dictatorship. Tobi forgot how exhausting this man could be. 

“It has been a while,” Sarutobi said indulgently. “Since…the T&I incident, I believe?”

Tobi giggled, high and childish. “Inoichi-san got sooo mad. But Tobi said he was real, real, real sorry, so I hope he’s not still mad…oh, no.” Tobi gasped, face falling in desolation. “Is Inoichi-san still mad at me? Oh, Tobi can go apologize again -”

“It’s water under the bridge.” Tobi exhaled gustily, wiping the back of his hand against his brow. It wasn’t his fault Inoichi hated him. Apparently his mind was absolutely impenetrable. Something about constant children’s lullabies just playing full blast in his head. Or songs regarding a specific time of day someplace in the world. “I have to apologize, Tobi. I always feel as if I should keep a better eye on you. There’s never enough time in the day for all of the people we care about. Please forgive me for my inattention to you.”

Manipulative old fuck. Tobi panicked, embarrassed by the attention and affection. He waved his hands quickly, almost jumping up and down. “Gramps! It’s okay! Tobi’s not lonely or sad! He still has Sasuke-chan! Sasuke-chan wasn’t brutally murdered, so Tobi’s A-OK!” Tobi had to tell himself that a lot. Every morning after a nightmare, which meant every morning period. “And I met a really nice old lady yesterday and helped her down the street. She gave me an apple sweet. It was delicious! So there’s nothing to forgive, Gramps!”

“I’m glad,” Sarutobi said warmly. Ugh. Tobi knew objectively that Minato-sensei had tried to imitate that tone, but he still liked to convince himself that Sarutobi was mimicking Minato-sensei. That was a good one, he’d have to use it. “Sasuke-kun is actually why I called you here today.” 

That kid. Tobi sighed. “Tobi is sorry that Tobi cannot control Sasuke-chan. I’ve told him that punching Naruto-kun is bad, but he just doesn’t listen…”

“I’m sure you’ll find a method somehow.” Sarutobi pushed a thin file folder across the desk, and Tobi curiously stepped forward and picked it up. He’d know a file like that anywhere. It was a mission assignment folder. “I’m afraid I must call you out of retirement for a final mission.”

Cold ice shot through Tobi’s chest. Fuck.

Did he know? He couldn’t. If he knew, he wouldn’t show it like this. His visit with T&I would be a lot less cheerful, that’s for sure. Was he prodding Tobi, watching for his reaction? Did Sarutobi honestly think he’d slip up? Tobi was incapable of slipping up. He couldn’t tell the truth with a kunai to his throat at this point.

How did Tobi feel about this? Tobi sure as hell knew how Obito felt - desperately wondering if a T&I visit was in his future. Tobi was scared of the missions, sure. But he was a five year old. How would a five year old react to these things? 

Well. Tobi knew how he would have reacted. He would have sighed and rolled his eyes about yet another mission. Pretty impressive when you were burned out of your career at five years old. He blamed the two month graduation for years before he learned of Rin and Kakashi’s hell and eventually concluded that it could have been worse. At least Tobi was paid for his war zone. 

“A mission?” Tobi gushed. He clenched on the folder far too tightly, like a child clutching a wheezing frog. “I’m going on missions again?” He jumped a little, his usual little show of excitement. Kept his energy up. “Does that mean Gramps isn’t mad at me anymore?”

Tobi carefully snuck a glance up from the folder, checking Sarutobi’s expression. Sarutobi’s face was impassive stone, as usual, but he looked a little worn too. “We were never angry with you.”

Tobi fully looked up, tilting his head and frowning. “Nuh-uh. Tobi remembers. Everybody was so mad at Tobi. Just because his hand slipped…it wasn’t Tobi’s fault.”

“We know,” Sarutobi said gently. “Minato didn’t retire you because he was angry with you. He was only looking out for you.”

Well, Tobi didn’t want to be out of fucking retirement. It was objectively insane to put him on any mission. Tobi had gotten sabotaging every attempt to make him a useful member of society down to a fucking art. He had a shitton of inheritance to blow and a nice long civilian life to blow it on. Maybe he was too stubborn about it - Iruka was definitely convinced that he was the second laziest person in the village and sabotaged his assigned jobs on purpose, which Tobi would have resented if it wasn’t absolutely true - but spite was important. Spite woke him up in the morning. 

The only thing that helped him tolerate this stupid village was his hate for it. Ain’t that just the way.

“What sort of mission is it?” Tobi asked excitedly, ripping open the folder. He held the paper up and slowly mouthed the words on the page, fighting to get through the page. Look at him, he filled out his mission reports in crayon and could barely read. “Mission report…assignment duration, promotion or release…pay…oh, ew…assignment…jounin sensei…”

Tobi trailed off.

Distantly, he heard himself say, “Um. Maybe this is a mistake?”

“Trust me. You’re hardly our first choice.” Finally, they agreed on something. “But you’re the only one in this village with a Sharingan, Tobi. You’re the only one who can teach Sasuke how to use his power.”

“Nuh-uh. Um. This is a mistake. Ha ha.” Tobi ripped the paper from the folder, crumpling it into a ball and tossing it over his shoulder. “Because, um, I can’t use my Sharingan. Did Gramps maybe forget that? Ha ha?”

“But you still remember how to use it. Even if you can’t use it yourself, you can still walk Sasuke-kun through using his.” Sarutobi eyed Tobi knowingly, the dim glowing embers of his pipe reflecting a soft light in his eyes. “You were once a genius with the Sharingan, Tobi. They said you were the best since Madara.”

Yeah! Yeah, they did say that, old man! That was the whole fucking problem!

Mention of the Sharingan or Tobi’s old talents always upset him, so this was a great springboard into nipping this in the bud. He’d throw a hissy fit if he had to. Tobi had killer hissy fits. That was how Sasuke was given a seat as head of house in the Clan Council. Tobi’s wail could pierce eardrums and Sasuke had deserved that fucking seat. 

“Tobi doesn’t like the Sharingan anymore!” Tobi exclaimed. “Tobi wants to help Sasuke-chan, Gramps, cross Tobi’s heart! But Tobi doesn’t like the Sharingan and the Sharingan don’t like Tobi. And that’s just the truth.” Tobi crossed his arms, sniffling and scrunching his nose. “And don’t say what you’re gonna say. Tobi knows what’s up. Minato-sensei’s little boy is on that team too, isn’t he?”

He absolutely was. Tobi had speed-read the entire document while he was reading it out loud. But even the remnant of Obito’s genius was still considerable, and Tobi’s moments of keen insight were useful for pushing the enemy into a corner. 

“I thought you might appreciate the chance to look after your sensei’s son,” Sarutobi said mildly, removing a silver lighter from his pocket. Engraved, a gift from Biwako. Was that on purpose? A mind game on Tobi, an unconscious memory on his part, or a purposeful evocation of a memory just for him? Was he trying to remind Tobi of something or corner Obito? Damn this man. “Help him like your sensei helped you.”

The really great thing about Tobi was that he could get away with saying this. It was only to the left of cathartic, but at least it was in the zone. “I’m not stupid, Gramps!” Tobi yelled. The ANBU in the corners twitched, but when Sarutobi’s fingernail clicked on the silver lighter they subsided. “You’re giving Minato-sensei and Kushina-neechan’s little baby and his fox to the last Sharingan because you want the Sharingan to eat the Fox! Why are you doing what you want when you know it won’t work? Tobi’s tried, he can’t - he can’t, Gramps.”

It wasn’t the sort of thing any self-respecting Uchiha would admit. Half of them would kill themselves if they lost their Sharingan. Uchiha Obito, whose Sharingan was the pride and joy of the clan - who was the Uchiha’s Uchiha before Itachi-kun was even a twinkle in his mother’s eye - would never abandon his one point of value. 

And everybody knew how prideful the Uchiha were. There was no Uchiha alive who would pretend to be Tobi. Could you imagine? What Uchiha would humiliate themselves like this with a goofy smile on their face? A regular human being could barely do it. An Uchiha? Forget it. Impossible.

But Kushina-neechan’s favorite shinobi was always the most surprising of all. And Obito cared about that more than all the rest. 

The only ninja who would have ferreted him out was Kakashi. Kakashi and his dopey, stupid smile. His ridiculous porn books and his clumsy pratfalls. His laziness, lateness, and utter underachiever lifestyle. Only Kakashi ever said those words, with a wink and a smile: a true shinobi looked underneath the underneath. So save your energy and watch the clouds with me, Uchiha-kun. No? Maybe next time…

The next time never came. Being a good Uchiha had always meant something, and the useless son of a disgraced clan meant nothing at all. Nothing to anybody but Minato and Kushina and Rin and Obito.

“You’re better than nothing.” In that second, Sarutobi really did look very tired. He didn’t look like he was lying at all. “You’re the best we have, Tobi.”

Tobi was silent. Sarutobi knew it wasn’t much of a compliment. Even somebody like Tobi would know that. 

“As a favor to Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun,” Sarutobi said, “and as a favor to me. Please give these children the help you can. Don’t worry - I’ll ask the other jounin to pitch in and help.” 

Tobi lowered his voice, and he allowed his tone to grow a little more serious. “I’m not strong. I’m not good at molding chakra and I haven’t really fought anyone in a long time. I can’t protect the children.” 

“We’ll be careful,” Sarutobi allowed. But there was something in his eye… “You may be rusty, but I doubt you’re out of the ring yet. Have a little faith in yourself.” The look in his eyes glinted and grew, and for the first time he stared right at Tobi. “You did hold your own against Uchiha Itachi.”

They stared at each other for a long second, two. A little too late, Tobi laughed and scrubbed the back of his neck. “Silly Gramps! I said a billion times. Tobi hid. I don’t think Itachi-kun thought it was worth it to kill me…I don’t think Itachi-kun ever thought I was a real Uchiha. But we’ve showed him, huh?” Tobi grinned, jabbing a finger at his chest. “Now there’s three whole Uchiha in the whole wide world! One third’s a serial killer, one third’s twelve, and one third is…drumroll please…Tobi! Konoha’s in good hands, ne?”

Tobi smiled at the man who ordered Uchiha Itachi to kill their entire family.

Sarutobi smiled back at the man who was currently pulling the most intricate and improbable lying campaign in a village of ninjas. In Obito’s defense, it was to save his own life. Sarutobi had murdered his family to - well, save the village, but Tobi didn’t have to like it. 

“Thank you for accepting the mission. I trust you’ll do splendidly.”

“Uh. Tobi didn’t -”

“The children ought to be waiting for you in the schoolroom at 1000 hours. You ought to head over - I expect you’re already late.”

Tobi squealed, looking at the unwound watch on his wrist and slapping his head. “Oh no! I’m late, I’m late, I’m late! Bye, Gramps! You promise-promise to get back-up for Tobi, right?”

Pleasantly, Sarutobi said, “I would not trust you alone with those children, no.”

“Yay! Okay, gotta goooo!”

When he left Sarutobi’s office, he was about ten minutes late to his meeting with the children. By the time he arrived at the school he was over an hour late. Lost on the road of life and all that. It didn’t matter - venting about this ridiculousness to Kakashi was way more important than meeting the brats on time.

This would be a disaster. There was no way this would end well. Tobi was a brain damaged, traumatized moron who couldn’t use his one skill and who hadn’t been on active duty since he whoopsie-daisy’d his sword into his best friend’s heart. If Sarutobi didn’t keep up his promise and drag in the other jounin to take up his slack then he’d riot. Did he want Tobi to do work? Tobi? He had resigned from capitalism and the military industrial complex. Pulling him into this shit again - as if he hadn’t suffered enough -

As if Sasuke and Naruto hadn’t. Maybe one of Sarutobi’s stupid-ass motivations was because he knew that only Tobi would be nice to Sasuke and Naruto. Damn Naruto especially. For that, at least…if only as a favor to Minato-sensei…

To make up for it…maybe a little bit of real work would be the least he could do.

Ugh. Hopefully not that much.

Tobi finally touched down at the school, following the Academy hallways to Sasuke’s classroom by route memory. He dropped off Sasuke’s lunch a lot. It embarrassed him so much. It was classic.

Tobi walked into the classroom and allowed a large basket of glitter to fall on top of his head.

A peal of laughter squealed throughout the room, and Tobi opened his eyes to see Uzumaki Naruto clutching his sides and laughing his ass off. Quite rudely, Sasuke had his feet propped up on a desk. That third girl was sitting primly in her seat, terrified. 

“What an idiot! Our new sensei actually fell for - wait.” Naruto straightened, squinting at Tobi. He yelled, jabbing a finger at him. “Hey! Number Two Ramen Fan! What the hell are you doing here?”

Sasuke almost fell out of his seat. He scrambled to his feet, panicked in his special Sasuke way - that was, eyes a little wider than usual. “Tobi? Did I forget my lunch?”

“Um?” Sakura Haruno hunched her shoulders in her seat, picking at the corner of a scroll. “Uchiha Obito’s our sensei. I thought you knew. Did you…not know?”

“Is this a joke?” Sasuke cried. “Who the hell thought this was funny? Tobi couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag! If they’re bullying us again, I swear to god I’ll strangle whoever -”

“Whoah,” Naruto cried, impressed. “Violent!”

“Everybody’s always bullying Tobi,” Sasuke snapped. “I’m an Uchiha. What sort of Uchiha would I be if I tolerated that?”

Glitter dripped down Tobi’s hair and sprinkled onto his clothing. He smiled, big and bright, and clapped his hands together. Sasuke was groaning, but Naruto and Sakura just leaned in closer - caught in a morbid curiosity, desperate to meet their own fate. Signed and sealed. “Tobi’s first impression of you all is…you’re so funny! Tobi likes you!”

The kids paled. 

[halfamask]

Naruto team group chat headcannons! Part 1

Team 7: Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke

I love these guys but they’re little shits and awful little assholes. You know every time they hang out with others they’re all:

Sakura: Did you See what Kiba was wearing

Naruto: no frrrr

Sasuke: Why does he always look like he’s trying to get shino and hinata to match outfits but neither agree to do it so he tries to match both of them and it never works

Naruto: bruhhh

Plus gossip monger Sakura and Sasuke who pretends to be better than that but isn’t

Sasuke: Is it just me or was Neji like. Extra asshole today

Sakura: no bc Ino told me that Hinata saw him and Lee get into an argument like two hours before it started AND OMG guys do we think Tenten has a crush on him

Naruto: :( Why are he and Lee fighting

Sasuke: Tenten fs likes Neji I just can’t tell if he likes her back

A healthy dose of “if one of us doesn’t like you we all don’t like you”

Sakura: Also guys Ino and I are arguing rn so we don’t like team 10 ok?

Sasuke: Again? Fine.

Naruto: but Sakura-chan I’m supposed to get ramen with Choji tomorrow!!

Sakura: Naruto!

Naruto: uGH fine

Naruto: But also we have to avoid Team 8 for a bit because Kiba’s being a dick

Sakura: Not a problem we hate seeing Hinata getting red every time you walk by anyway

Sasuke: Lmfao did you SEE Hinata hanging on Naruto today like it was worse than normal

Naruto: Cmon guys be nice

Sakura: N-n-n

Sasuke: Naruto-kun!

Their favorite activity is talking mad shit ok.

Also their chat is half Naruto sending shitty little memes. Sakura and Sasuke never find the same ones funny.

They’ve also definitely got dinner plans in the chat half the time like:

Naruto: Guys Ichiraku tn after training?

Sakura: I have to ask my mom hold on

Sasuke: I’m down

Sakura: Ok she said yes I’ll come

Naruto: Yessssss :D

Sakura: Calm down Naruto it’s just ramen

Naruto: Take that back RIGHT NOW ramen is a WAY OF LIFE

Sasuke: Just invited Kakashi so he can pay for us

Naruto: ^_^

Sakura: ^_^

Speaking of Kakashi they fs have running commentary and analysis on how late he’s gonna be for training

Naruto: Guyssss I’m running late how much time do you think I have before Kakashi gets there

Sasuke: Well training starts at 9 and it’s 9:15 so I’d say you have 30 minutes more

Sakura: Wait no it’s a Friday so he’ll want to get here early so he can finish early and go drink with the other jounin. You have 15 minutes max

Sasuke: But yesterday was Kurenai’s birthday so he’ll be hungover this morning so he’ll actually be later than usual

Naruto: So i can take my time?

Sasuke: No usuratonkachi get your ass over here asap

Sakura: Yeah please I don’t want him to hand us over to Gai sensei as punishment again. My body still hurts from all that running

[wito-chan-bla-bla]

(Y/N): "You know, I'm not a "dog person" or a "cat person", but it just so happened that I was surrounded by cats all the time. I think I should try to get a dog. Do you know where I can get a dog, Kakashi-kun?"

Kakashi, holding out the leash and collar: "Well, I can be your dog if you want. I can even bark for you."

(Y/N): "Wh-what?!"

Kakashi, thinking that (Y/N) was speaking figuratively, mentally: "I screwed up!"

Kakashi, quickly putting things away and awkwardly coughing: "Ahem, what?"