#kaer morhen cracktivities

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Jaskier showing the kaer morons those little green Army men with the parachutes that he used to play with as a kid

... vesemir sighs... he tried to keep them learning about their existence

Especially now that he's trying to convince them that NO A BLANKET IS NOT AN ADEQUATE PARACHUTE GET OFF THE DAMN ROOF. NOW!!!

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Kaer morons jn the winter

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Kaer morhen cracktivities:

Capture the flag bard

Geralt does NOT like this game

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Jaskier: Where'd you learn those moves?

Geralt: Dance dance revolution

Jaskier: ... what?

Geralt: Reigning champion of kaer morhen for three decades bard

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The kaer morons are playing in their annual blanket fort

Eskel: what's the password?

Lambert: *grumbling under his breath* I love my family

Eskel: you may enter!

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Jaskiers the one blindfolded

Family game night in Kaer Morhen be like:

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Witchers when they get the zoomies

*jaskiers the one singing*

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One winter jaskier decides to make custom drinks named after each Witcher.

Geralt: I want my drink to have a horse theme

Lambert: I want mine to be spicy

Aiden: put an umbrella on mine!

Papa vesemir: something simple for me bard

Eskel: I want my rim salted!

Kaer morons: *helpless giggling*

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Winters are long, the kaer morons share their sexploits they've had that year on the path:

Geralt: I was having sex with a jaskier, and I was riding on top and he just went: "oh look at you!"

Geralt: completely ruined the mood, I got way to shy to continue

*eskel and Lambert dying of laughter in the background*

[awitcheress]

I wish someone would write this fic....

one day eskel, lambert and geralt FINALLY convince vesemir to play never have i ever with them (foolishly thinking they could fuck with him for fun) and he just drinks every single time. they're deseperately grasping at straws and no matter what they say he just sighs and drinks again. they're sitting there like

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Ok but the kaer morons teaching jaskier their ancient secret witcher traditions. he is sworn to complete secrecy and may say nothing to anyone of the things he will witness.

they gather in a circle, with papa vesemir standing outside of it, holding an ancient instrument. at his signal they begin... the chicken dance.

(next is the hokey pokey)

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Jaskier gets tackled by all the kaer morons and ends up at the bottom of a puppy pile

"Oh no! Im trapped! There's only one thing to do! Tummy kiss my way out!"

*He then proceeds to blow raspberries on each of their tummies making them giggle like school girls*

***

(Papa vesemir smiling in the back ground like *I taught him that trick*)

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Lambert doesn't fart on the way up the mountain to kaer morhen.

He saves it for when geralt hugs him tightly in greeting

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Lamberts petty revenge on papa vesemir:

He fills all the dishes to the brim with water as he puts them in the cupboard. Everything. Cups. Bowls. Pots. Pans. Etc.

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Kaer morhen cracktivities:

Racing around the mountain on wild boars.

*jaskier is NOT allowed to participate

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AIDEN AT KAER MORHEN

The wolf witchers are confused