#just wouldn't feel right with saeyoung

[natasha-in-space]

⋆˚Longing For You˚⋆

Pairing: Saeyoung/gn!reader.

Summary: You were perfectly aware that it wouldn't be simple or even safe to be with Saeyoung as your lifelong partner. You fully accepted it. If it meant being by his side, you were more than willing to face all kinds of dangerous odds life threw your way. You never realized that Saeyoung couldn't bear the weight of your devotion to him.

Notes: 'better to be tragically in love than to have not loved at all' promt for @brighteststar707! Post-divorce angst and hurt-comfort. Implied unhealthy alcohol consumption (reader thinks of drinking as a coping mechanism but never fully commits to it). Both reader and Saeyoung need a hug.

AO3 Link - 5.2k words.

Credit: Divider by @/saradika-graphics.

Happily ever afters are a thing of fiction. You always knew that, on some level. You weren't an innocent fool, treating life as if it was a carefree fairytale.

But this was just too cruel. 

With your head resting in your arms and the entire weight of the world pressing down on you, you let out a deep sigh. The silence of your apartment felt especially draining today, seeping straight into your bones and constantly reminding you of just how utterly lonely and miserable you were. On the table slightly off to the side rested unopened bottles of vodka and tequila that you had purchased earlier today, the glass glistening almost mockingly under the ceiling lights.

Even though you bought them on a whim, you ultimately couldn't bring yourself to drink. A part of you was frustrated at that. What precisely was stopping you, after all? Nothing. 

Or, rather... nobody. 

Your unusually high levels of moping today had a valid reason. Though you wished you wouldn't care nearly as much, or even remember it for that matter. That's why you stocked up on alcohol in the first place. To become so inebriated that you'd forget. Hopefully. 

You and Saeyoung would be celebrating your first wedding anniversary today. Really, you didn't care all that much about marriage as a whole. What bothered you so much was what it stood for. Memories of a happier time that was so recent, yet felt so painfully alien to you now. Even after several months, he continued to occupy all of your thoughts. His smiles, his laughter, the red of his hair, his scent. Everything. 

You couldn't stop thinking about him. And it hurt. Nothing in the world hurt as much as this did. Like there was a gaping hole left inside you, ripped into you forcefully and unceremoniously, with no regard for the suffering it would inflict on you. Is that what Saeran meant back when he was just brought into the bunker...? You remember him saying something similar... Feeling like a half of him was missing. It's funny how life goes. Your hands moved on their own as they haphazardly grabbed at the bottle that was closest to you and ripped the cap open, hastily bringing it up to your lips. There was no enjoyment in the burning liquid trickling down your throat as you took three large gulps, almost choking as a result. It simply felt repulsive, if anything. You hadn't drunk much ever since you met Saeyoung. Nothing more than a single fruity cocktail on a romantic date night or perhaps a cup of champagne at the RFA event.

You knew Saeyoung wouldn't approve if you did, after all. Although he probably wouldn't have stopped you. He was considered of you like that. 

Immediately after you slammed the bottle back down, the hard sound reverberated throughout the apartment, followed by a dry cough. You felt no desire to continue. If anything, you just felt even more pathetic and gross about yourself, bitter tears stinging your eyes as you swallowed down the lump in your throat.

Drinking yourself to death over your ex husband. It was almost humiliating. This was definitely a rock bottom, if you ever saw one.

But it wasn't supposed to be like this. You were meant to work together as a team and support one another no matter how risky things got.

He was supposed to trust you.

And you didn't know how to live with the fact that he didn't. 

You didn't hate Saeyoung. God knows you couldn't hate him even if you tried. Your heart yearned for him with the same warm tenderness it did back in Rika's apartment all those years ago. There was a part of you that wanted to hate him. That would make everything so much easier. You could rant to a lovely bartender about your deadbeat husband, get intoxicated without any guilt holding you back, and possibly even find a handsome stranger to spend a lousy night with.

You couldn't do that, though. You couldn't even finish a bottle of tequila for heaven's sake. 

Your separation with Saeyoung was as out of the ordinary as every step you have made with him. All of you knew that his father would become a real threat to you one day. It was just a matter of time. You thought you were prepared for that day to come. However, it turns out that none of you were really prepared for that day to come. Maybe that's because you underestimated just how low that man was willing to sink to ensure that nothing and nobody would sully his good image. In the end, Saeyoung's ingrained paranoia wasn't enough to keep you out of harm's way. Maybe that's what broke you apart. That he wasn't enough. That's what he likely felt, anyway.

Saejoong captured Saeran without as much as a warning, which none of you could have predicted. And none of you expected him to dangle Saeran's life in front of you like a carrot on a stick. 

Saeyoung has never looked as terrified as he did in that moment, not even the day he recognized Saeran in Unknown. You'll remember that look of sheer, primal terror painted over his face as white as a sheet until the day you die. It felt like the weight of the entire universe was falling on you at once when you got that initial transmission from that monster of a man. What could you do to help Saeyoung at that very moment? You had no other option except to be his rock and stick with him through it all. You were happy to do that for him. You were a team, after all.

He took a bullet for Saeran, so why is it that you doing the same for him somehow turned out to be the end for your relationship? 

Unconsciously, you reached up to touch the area where the bullet scar has now resigned, imbedded in your left shoulder. A timeless reminder of you saving Saeyoung's life and dooming your happy relationship simultaneously. That was so painfully ironic. You knew he would feel guilty about it. You knew he would be stressed, scared, shaken. Maybe it's because he was left alone with his thoughts for too long. Both you and Saeran hurt and unconscious in hospital beds, while all he could do was wait and pray for the better. He probably felt like he failed you. That his presence in your life has only caused you suffering and peril. And no one was there for him to quell those dark thoughts of his in time.

In the end, you'll never know what truly prompted him to end things between you. All you knew were those sad, guilty eyes refusing to even look at you, and the tremble in his voice, almost like he would break down in tears from even the smallest pushback from you. Perhaps that's why you were also utterly powerless. You were both so stressed, scared, and hurt, each in your own way. And at the time, a part of you thought that would be for the better. For him to focus on Saeran without having to feel guilty every time he saw your bandaged shoulder. 

Naturally, you quickly regretted that choice. But it was too late. And now, you were here. On a day that should have been filled with love and joy, you instead find yourself alone in your empty apartment with just two bottles of booze to keep you company. Knowing Saeyoung, he'd probably plan some elaborate game for you to play. Of course, with him as the final reward. Or maybe he would go the romantic route and take you out somewhere remote to see the stars. Maybe you could dance together beneath the wide night sky before sharing a tender kiss under the stars to cap off the evening.

...Those thoughts didn't help you much right now, if at all. Quite the opposite, actually. You weren't really drunk. Not on alcohol, at least. Even though you weren't as seasoned as Jumin, you wouldn't get wasted after three gulps. But you were certainly drunk on your feelings of heartbreak. And maybe that was plenty to get you drunk in a whole new way.

When your fingers reached into your pocket and took out your phone, you didn't think. You scrolled aimlessly until you came across the familiar red of his hair. You didn't really expect him to pick up. You weren't certain that you wanted him to pick up at all. And yet...

"MC?" 

He does.

After hearing his voice say your name, there was a prolonged period of deafening silence. You didn't know what to say. You could only guess that you seemed strange to him right now, yet you also couldn't really bring yourself to care. Once a minute or two has passed, his voice rang out in your ear again, not cold or angry. Worried. 

"MC?" He reiterated, this time with greater urgency. It made another lump form in your throat, making it hard to breathe. He probably thought you were in danger, you were just worrying him without good reason to do so. "MC, is everything alright? Do you need h-"

"-Do you know what today is?" 

Before you had a chance to reconsider, the question already escaped your chapped lips. But you didn't dare to try and take it back. You had no desire to. Even as another long moment of heavy silence fell over you, this one more pronounced than the ones before it.

Given everything that had transpired between you two, you could only assume that Saeyoung was probably taken aback by your sudden call, and that's putting it lightly. The tone of your voice made it clear that you were not exactly in your best state of mind. There was an unsaid, unbroken bond between you that neither of you could ever fully get rid of, even though you had left the bunker weeks before. You had no doubt he knew that you were referring to your would-be anniversary, but he didn't seem know what to say. You didn't blame him. You wouldn't really know what to say to that, either.

"...Of course I know what day it is," Saeyoung murmured after that hefty pause. "Is... that why you called?"

He didn't sound annoyed with you, at least you didn't think so. Either way, you were suddenly sweating like a sinner in church, shifting uncomfortable on your stool and licking your lips.

His response made you laugh uneasily while you stared up at your apartment's ceiling. You felt your heart fluttering with a mixture of excitement and sadness, but it was mostly the latter. You didn't know or care if it was your lovesickness for him or the alcohol that was clouding your judgment.

“It would’ve been our first marriage anniversary, you know that? We would’ve been married for a whole year. How crazy is that?” You said softly, but there was more to it than that. It was impossible to ignore the almost pleading and desperate undertones seeping through into your voice. You weren't really attempting to disguise it, anyways. You wanted to know that you weren't the only one losing your mind here. That he was concerned for you. That he cared.

The mere mention of your anniversary caused your breath to catch in your throat, making you feel a wave of mixed emotions. Anger, regret, nostalgia - all of them hit you over the head like a ton of bricks. Given that you were essentially baiting him with mentions to your shared past, you could only assume that Saeyoung was well aware of your intentions here. You knew you weren't being very fair to him right now. He must be struggling as well. It's not right for you to demand for his attention like this.

But despite your genuine desire to control your selfish urges, you were unable to do so.

It was a fundamental aspect of your relationship with him, funnily enough. You never knew how to back off.

"MC..." he started, your name practically strangled from his lips. It hurt you to hear him murmur it like that. As if just mentioning you by name was heartbreaking for him. "Don't do this. It's over. There's no point in dwelling on what could have been. You'll just... hurt yourself."

On a whim, you took another gulp from the bottle and immediately regretted it, spitting some of it back out as you exhaled and ran your fingers over your untidy, uncombed hair. Not necessarily because you couldn't stomach your alcohol, but because it felt so utterly wrong to drink like this with him on the line. You were such a mess, God. A complete and utter mess. This mixture of emotions just made you more obstinate and determined, and you couldn't help but question whether things would have been any different at all if you were actually intoxicated. So much for keeping to yourself and not bothering anyone with your problems. 

“There is a point. We were good, you and me. The divorce didn’t have to happen, you know,” you groaned with a slight bitterness in your voice. “It’s your damn father, it’s always your damn father and this unfair world that keeps getting in the way and hurting us. Why couldn’t you understand that, huh? That none of that was your fault?”

You decided to move away from the table - and the alcohol - and sit on your couch, leaning your head back, looking up at the ceiling. Your mind seemed scattered at best, and your eyes were a little off-focus. There was another long beat of silence on the other end of the line, and a part of you wondered if he just hang up on you. You wouldn't blame him. However, your heart pounded in your chest as you heard him take a deep, tremulous breath.

You wished he was here. 

"MC, I-"

“Listen,” your words were still shaky as you spoke. “Can you… can you come over? I just… I just need to talk to you. Please.”

Your grip on the phone tightened, your knuckles turning white from the tension in your joints. You were well aware that your remarks most likely resonated with him, possibly even evoking the same defensiveness and dread that had led the two of you to this very moment. He knew you were right, after all. He could run from it and deny it all he wanted, but you knew him. You knew that, deep down, he must have understood that it was his father that was to blame for all the pain inflicted on those he loved. Not Saeyoung himself. Never Saeyoung. Your downfall was largely due to the outside factors completely out of your control. But he was too stubborn and selfless to admit it.

"I'm not coming over, MC," he said through gritted teeth. "We agreed to keep our distance. And you're... You're better off without me, for God's sake."

You let out a frustrated grunt, steadfastly refusing to give up on this. You were in too deep already. You always had a difficult time accepting no as an answer, especially when it came to Saeyoung. The evident tremor in his voice simply made you feel even more determined to keep pushing. He wasn't fooling anyone. 

“I don’t care that you think I'm 'better off' without you. I just… I just want to see you. It’s been a month, and I miss you,” Your voice took on an even more pleading tone as you spoke. If there was any dignity left in you, it just flew straight out the window. You were willing to beg if you need to. “It’s our anniversary, Saeyoung. I won’t be able to handle it alone. Please.”

He gave another lengthy sigh at your insistence. Pain of separation and longing welled up inside you as you spoke, sending a sharp pang straight through your chest. No matter how hard you tried, you could no longer deny it. You felt the same way about him as you did before. And it was painful to keep these feelings suppressed as though they were wrong. Especially when you knew they were mutual.

"Damn it," he hissed, cursing to himself. You knew full well that you would likely regret this when you had more clarity. But right now, you didn't care one bit. You simply awaited the verdict with bated breath. Finally, you heard him taking a breath, a muffled sound similar to the creaking of a chair being heard in the background. "...I'll be there in 30 minutes."

Relief and excitement washed over you as your heart skipped a beat in your chest. You couldn't believe it, but you somehow, by some miracle, you managed to persuade him to come over. However, you surmised that he was most likely only acting out of concern for you. You were a mess. You only wanted to see him again, regardless of his intentions. As you brushed over your hair again, a small, nervous smile tugged at the corners of your lips.

“Thank you,” you said, your voice growing quieter and softer as desperation gave way to anxious hopefulness. “I'll be waiting. And, uh... don't hang up. Please.”

You were simply too afraid of having false hope on your hands, even though that plea sounded foolish. You needed him to come. 

"...Alright."

You attempted to try and relax while you awaited his arrival. You rose to your feet with some difficulty, and stumbled slightly as you made your way over to the bathroom. You sprayed your face with cold water in an attempt to hopefully pull yourself together. You inspected your reflection in the mirror. The state of your appearance was disheveled, messy, and unkempt. To put it mildly, that is. You hadn't been showering in days, and the deep bags under your eyes were a dead giveaway of just how little sleep you had gotten lately. But as long as he was coming over, you didn't give a damn.

While you didn't talk much with each other except for some very short exchanges, you still could hear the sound of Saeyoung driving through the phone speaker, a sound that was in equal measure calming and anxiety-inducing, considering the circumstances. You could hear him stumble around as he got into his car, the sound being a mixture of worry and amusement on your end. You hoped he wouldn't drive carelessly. A part of you questioned whether this was a wise decision at all. If you should maybe just apologize and tell him to go back home and not trouble himself. It would probably simply hurt him to see you. But you also knew that you were already too deep into this to back out now. 

Saeyoung had no trouble parking his car outside your apartment. After all, you knew all too well what an impressive driver he was. And he was familiar with every corner of your apartment building. Not that you made much of an effort to distance yourself from him. However, looking back, that might have been more advantageous for you both. You could hear him pausing momentarily, probably to calm down, mentally prepare himself for what was to come. You followed suit. Though, it didn't really work. He went up the stairs and knocked firmly on the door of your apartment, causing all of your nerve endings to tingle with nervous excitement.

As you answered the knock on your door, your heart began to race once more. You hurried towards it, almost tripping over your own feet, and opened it, your eyes widening as you saw him standing there. Real. You managed to catch yourself on the door frame after unintentionally tripping a little while standing. You were silent for a moment, your eyes roaming over him, taking in his presence. He looked the same as always. Red, unkept hair you loved so much, striped glasses fitting perfectly on his nose, casual and comfy attire, the silver cross. You had to actively stop yourself before you would fall into him the way you typically did when you were lost because he looked that painstakingly familiar to you.

Instead, you stepped back and gestured for him to enter, swallowing down your emotions. 

"You actually came..."

The sight of him made your heart ache with longing. The longer you looked looked him, the more changes your eyes could see. He wasn't as familiar as you initially believed. He looked... unkept, tired, vulnerable. Not at all the chaotically put together man you remembered from your relationship. His eyes were dull, his skin paler than you remembered, clothes just like tad more wrinkled than you were used to. Saeyoung's fists were clinched, as if he was resisting the need to speak or act upon something. You hoped he wanted to touch you. To hold you. Just as much as you wanted to hold him. However, you were way too afraid of him leaving again to even attempt to express that desire out loud. As he entered, his movements were stiff and tense. You didn't like seeing him like this. Not with you.

"You asked me to," he mumbled his words in a somewhat gruff tone, observing the obvious messiness of your apartment. Damn it, you didn't even try to clean up since you were so frantic. He probably saw the bottles. You weren't actually intoxicated, though. Still, it left a bitter taste in your mouth to think of him seeing you like this. He probably just felt worse about himself now.

Great job, MC.

As you closed the door behind him, you let out a dry laugh. The sound bounced through the dimly lit apartment, and you stumbled slightly as you attempted to get back on your feet, the overwhelming feelings from his presence quite literally making you feel weak in the knees. You walked back to the couch and settled down on it, keeping your gaze fixed on him the entire time, as if you were terrified that if you looked away, he would vanish like a mirage.

"Yeah, I did," you admitted with a slight shaky voice. "Come sit down, will you?" 

You rubbed the cushion and pointed to the empty spot on the couch next you. You scooted closer to him as he made his way over to the couch and sat down next to you. The heat emanating from his body was so strong you could feel it even without directly touching him, the familiar scent of his cologne filling your nostrils and making your insides flutter. Orange and lavender. It was a cologne that you gave him as a Christmas present a year ago. He was still using it. You were both pleased and saddened by the thought. Following your first impulse without a second thought, you reached out and grasped at his hand, intertwining your fingers with his. As you put your hand in his, a flood of memories of your wedding day and your happier moments together swept over you.

Saeyoung flinched at the contact, and you couldn't help but wonder if he was feeling the same electric current the moment his skin touched yours. As you intertwined your fingers together, the harsh physical reminder of everything you had lost made your heart throb. You could feel his body heat through his clothes, and the closeness made all the walls you had built up inside you start to crumble. They weren't really all that strong in the first place.

Saeyoung didn't pull away.

"...I missed you," you confessed softly, almost whispering.

"MC..." he began with a slight crack in his voice. His eyes were glued to the wall ahead of him as he cleared his throat. His fingers twitches in your grasp. "We can't keep doing this, you know. We agreed-"

"I know what we agreed on," you interjected before he could finish, your hand squeezing his own in a silent attempt to get him to just look at you. "But I-" 

You squeezed your eyes shut and drew a trembling breath.

"I can't keep going like this, Saeyoung." 

The words left you in a weak whisper, only audible due to the suffocating silence of your apartment this late in the night. Panic struck when you felt him begin to move to remove his hand away from yours. You clung to him, what you said next coming out in a hurried, shaky ramble that grew louder and more emotional the longer you spoke, all the pent-up feelings seeping into your voice with no means for you to stop it.

"I know you blame yourself, and I know seeing me get hurt for you was probably like living through your worst nightmare, and I'm sorry you had to go through something that painful and scary all alone, but-" You took a deep breath. "-But it's no reason for you to blame yourself for everything that happened! It's not your fault I got hurt! It's not even your fault that Saeran got hurt!" 

The quiet felt even heavier after your outburst, almost physically weighing you down due to how charged and stagnant the air suddenly felt. The silence was thick with tension of mutual repressed emotions, each breath feeling almost painful in your lungs. He swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing, clearly trying to contain a flood of his own hidden feelings. Though, you wished for the opposite. You wished for him to be honest with you once more and look you directly in the eyes while doing so. Even if it was ugly or nonsensical, or even downright unfair to you. You just wished for you both to stop hiding things for one another's sake.

"...Not my fault?" He repeated, and the lingering animosity in his voice was obvious even if you couldn't see his face. It was a heavy sound, despite the quiet volume with which his words were spoken. He gave a short, stifled laugh and shook his head. Though it was devoid of any joy or mirth you were used to. You loved hearing Saeyoung laugh, but not like this. This was a sharp, hollow sound. Not one filled with joy and happiness, as it should be. Finally, he turned to look at you, his eyes angry and hard. Not at you, though. You knew this ire was only ever directed at himself. You secretly hoped that, for once, he would be upset with you instead of silently tearing himself down again. That would make it less painful to witness. "MC, you almost died because of me. By the time we were at the hospital, you lost so much blood, you were in critical condition." 

Your heart squeezed in your chest. You knew what you were going to say to that. And you knew he wouldn't want to hear it. But you said it anyway.

"...You know I would've taken that bullet for you a 100 times over again if I had to. I do not regret protecting the man I love." 

You could almost see the moment he broke, which was both horrible and relieving at the same time. He sucked in a shaky breath, one that bordered on a sob, and then he grabbed at your shoulders, his fingers digging into your clothes tightly, almost painfully. 

"You would, wouldn't you? Of course you fucking would. And what would happen next, huh? How do you think I am supposed to live with myself, knowing that the one person in this entire god-forsaken world that has believed in me and loved me when all I wanted was to give up on myself, died because I couldn't protect them? Because I failed to keep them safe from harm after all they've done for me!?" He shook you a little, an action that was probably more emotional than purposeful on his part, like he was trying to literally shake some sense into you. "Do you have any idea how terrifying it was-? To sit there, with blood of two people I love and care for the most all over me!? Not knowing if- if..." 

And the tears came. Two thin streaks of clear moisture sliding down his cheeks and dripping onto your lap with silent weight of restrained hurt finally set free. You quickly became aware that you were crying now as well, your own silent, hurt tears pouring down your cheeks.

"And then, when you finally woke up, you just- smiled at me. Like nothing was wrong at all! Like you weren't just on the brink of death because of me. Do you have any idea how that felt to me?" He's not shouting anymore, previous frustration and ire replaced with broken sorrow and guilt. Which was worst for your hurting heart was a mystery to you. He shook his head again, a shaky breath leaving him. "You think I couldn't tell that you were in pain? That you were just putting on a brave face for me? I hated you throwing your life away for me like that. I don't deserve it. Not me." 

Your palm barely touched the softness of his shirt when you laid a hand over his chest. You could feel the rapid raise and fall of his chest, the trembling in his body. There was a part of you that wanted to just jump right in and hug him. But you didn't. Not quite yet.

"...I'm sorry I didn't think how my actions would make you feel, Saeyoung. I wanted you to not blame yourself for what happened, but... instead, I just made you blame yourself even more by lying to you. I should have been honest with you. Maybe if I relied on you a bit more, you wouldn't feel so responsible for my pain." With your next words, your voice hardened as you gulped. "-But I'm not sorry for keeping you safe. You might not like hearing it, but... if I was to truly die on that day, I would die with no regrets." 

"MC..." 

Your name came out like a broken plea from his lips, and the sound tugged at your heart even more. You raised your eyes to meet his own, so clouded with undeserved pain and guilt. You were not sure if you could fix it anymore, if you could take away all that pain he inflicted onto himself. However, you knew one thing.

"No matter how much it hurts, be it this bullet wound, or you leaving me with only a half of my heart to live with, I don't regret meeting you and loving you. I'll never regret it. Not in life, not in death. I want you to know that." 

When you finally drew Saeyoung into your arms, his body slumped into you with no resistance, his hands gripping the back of your shirt firmly as his body trembled with weeping sobs. And even as you cried and mourned into his shoulder in turn, there were no regrets tearing at your heart. Only pain for the man you loved and his sorrow. 

While Saeyoung may have regretted everything, you regretted nothing. 

All you could hope for was that he would come to forgive himself anew.

"...My only regret is letting you walk away, when we promised to shoulder our burdens together," you whispered into his hair as you turned to press your lips to his temple. His hold on you became more and more firm, almost crushing. Hungry. You welcomed that hunger with open arms.

"I'm the one who broke that promise." 

You hesitated.

"Then we'll rebuild that promise anew. If you'll have me." 

[marshmallowprotection]

Mystictober Day 26

Mystictober 2024 | Day 26: AU/(Mint) Eye

These eyes are no longer golden, they are bathed in the poison of Rika's burning desire.

Saeran hated seeing his face in a mirror, and for the longest time, if he saw a reflective surface, his first instinct was to destroy it so he'd never have to see his face again. It was better that way, to not think a lot about the truth or what he thought he knew. He could only trust that Rika was doing the right thing by him, and even if she wasn't, it was hard to abandon the one person who didn't leave him behind in Hell. She didn't leave, even if she tortured him, and that was the sole reason why it was hard to believe anyone else.

But, believing her and not opening the door to anyone else caused him to lose everything he had.

His gold eyes were gone... forever.

His hair could no longer be red without making him feel sick. 

His hands ached from years of working himself into the ground for "Paradise."

His mind was warped beyond comprehension, caught up in a swirling sea of night terrors and nightmares that would never go away, and all he had to show for what he went through was the scars left all across his body.

It didn't make him a better person, it made him a person numb to the difficulties of life, and now he had a hard time finding joy in anything. Even the freedom he once enjoyed, staring at the clouds until many of his aches went away didn't fix what had been done to him. He only had the clouds to make him peaceful, and when they didn't help him feel better during a day like this?

All Saeran could do was lay there, listless and restless, unable to do a single thing but pray for sleep to take him with open arms. A nice and comfortable sleep was the one that came with darkness, nothing for his mind to speak of but the void, as it was a break from the screams that haunted him at night. Those nights were rare, even when he had better chances to feel at ease.

He just hated that this particular cycle started because he thought he was ready to see his reflection. His reflection caused all of this, and it was impossible to overcome this pain in the middle of the night when he felt sick to his stomach.

"I got rid of it," your voice came from the doorway of his room. You didn't dare get closer than that for his comfort. "Saeyoung and I took the mirror down. You... you don't have to worry about using the bathroom now."

Saeran didn't know what to tell you, but he didn't have the strength to say anything. All he could do was stare blankly ahead of himself, watching as the light created shadows from your body as the light from the hallway poured in. The same old song and dance, with enough pain to make him weep, except, he never knew the relief of a single teardrop to mend his pain.

He cried himself out of tears years ago.

"I'll leave you alone for now, okay? If you need me, you can text me... or press the emergency button Saeyoung installed by your bed. I'll be here in an instant. You don't—"

"Stay."

"Are you sure?"

"Please."

Wordlessly, you stepped into the open door and sat down in a chair by his bed, leaning over so you could prop yourself up on your arms. You wouldn't leave if he needed you, but you wouldn't stay if he needed alone time, either. If he called, you would always come to his side. It was where you wanted to be, and he knew that when you looked at him.

Even as broken as he was, you still loved him.

Golden or not.

[asterjennifer]

Reference

You woke up this morning with alerting senses in your belly roaming around.

Something felt off by the moment you stretched your limbs. A vibe inside the room that almost made you shudder without reason.

Confused, you figured it's just one of those mornings where you start off by feeling somewhat disoriented. Everyone had that from time to time, it wouldn't have been the first time to experience something similar.

Therefore you decided to scroll your phone for a while before getting up. But no matter how many cute cat videos popped up on your screen, the feeling stood in the room like an elephant.

Defeated and also unsure how to shake it, you just stood up. Maybe a little walk before having breakfast would help you out....

So you got ready for the day as per usual. Picking your clothes, your shoes, taking care of your appearance and teeth in the bathroom after brushing your hair. Just the typical procedure. You frowned after putting on the jacket. It's weird to not run into one of the twins when you're literally living in their bunker alongside them.

Normally, you'd either run into Saeyoung, being the kind soul that he his, preparing the breakfast for everyone. Or you'd meet Saeran already up due to his sleepless night. Sitting on the couch with a book between his hands.

Nothing though. Neither the former agent nor the bookworm were anywhere to be found. It only worsened this uncomfortable feeling crawling over your skin. Shaking your head the last time, you left the bunker to be kissed by the gentle sun rays. You smiled unconsciously, the warmth on your face immediately had some effect on your mood. Good, you thought. Now things would go back to normal.

Your walk didn't last long, but that wasn't the intention anyway. You preferred being on time to eat together at the table than roaming the streets already familiar to you.

You greeted an old lady on your way back. Sometimes you passed some interesting looking people, leaving you wonder what their story was and how they felt deep inside their hearts.

When you came back in, you finally heard noises coming from the kitchen. It made you smile. You never knew which twin you greeted, it's not that you had a favorite to see first. You liked to play a little guessing game with yourself about it.

And you picked Saeyoung today.

Although the weariness kept following you, you went up to lean into the kitchen frame to find the boy with black jacket and silly attitude facing you with his back. You were right in your guess.

However, he was weirdly silent. Saeyoung loved to listen to music while preparing food. He hummed tunes of older series or simply just tapped his foot on the floor to find a rhythm. There's nothing going on. He was only cutting carrots, pretty untypical for him to be so focused on only one task.

»Good morning, Saeyoung.« You chimed into the kitchen with a light voice.

The man wearing glasses turned around and you expect a smile to find. You're taken aback as your assumption was proven to be false. His eyes were half lidded in annoyance as he had a straight line of lips. It took you off guard so heavily, that you couldn't find your voice for a second.

»If you need the counter, give me five minutes. I'm almost done.«

What the... You blinked in confusion. Saeyoung turned back around, waiting for no answer since he went straight back to cutting. You had no idea what that kind of respond was, especially from him. This was more something that Saeran would say when he's busy.

»Um...« Unsure what's going on, you frowned. »Saeyoung.. Are you okay? You sound like you're in a bad mood.«

The guy in front didn't stop cutting, although his shoulders lifted just enough for you to notice that it was sigh. He waved his left hand in a manner that's close to being offensive.

»Yes, I'm fine. Now let me finish my salad.«

Clueless as to what's going on, you let it go for now. Something's definitely shady, regardless what he said about being okay. His tone of voice and word choice spoke otherwise. Perhaps he'd had a horrible nightmare that ruined his night.

You went back into the living room. This interaction didn't contribute anything to feel less uncomfortable, what in the world was going on? Your hand reached up to scratch your hair.

»(N)!« A happy voice brought your mind back to reality.

Before realizing, someone pulled you into a tight hug. You failed to catch your breath, instead a louder gasp left your lips. The affectionate gesture's luckily released before you could've blacked out from lack of oxygen.

»How have you slept? You good this morning?«

The redhead in front asked, to which you nodded amused.

»Yeah! I had a good morning until I almost got killed!«

You said with a humourous note to your voice. As you lifted your eyes to meet the happy face, you instantly froze in shock.

»That's fantastic,« Saeran said with a wide smile. »I slept like a stone tonight, for a second I thought I died when waking up.«

It was an attempt to make you laugh, but hearing his usually torn vocals actually bring out a loud laugh sent a shiver down your spine. His eyes shone so brightly blue that you could've mistaken them for the sky you just walked under a few minutes ago. The bags underneath his eyes somehow gone. Or overshadowed by his energized demeanor.

He continued starring at you, considering you couldn't help but stare at him in return. Yet his smile didn't vanish from his face, instead he lifted an eyebrow and bumped your shoulder carefully.

»What staring at, hm? I know I look good, but you don't have to leave your jaw open for me.«

The teasing tone underneath the bubbly voice that's not his, you couldn't help but take a step back. Then you frowned before checking him out.

Surely there's an explanation as to what's going on. Did they accidentally swapped their clothing? Did they have a bet you're unaware of, to see who's going to be one holding play pretend the longest? Or maybe, just maybe..

»You two are pranking me, aren't you?«

You asked cautious albeit firm. At this point you had no other reason for this to be happening. Perhaps you're still asleep? But then why did the sun on your skin felt so real? Your head started throbbing a tiny bit.

»Pranking you?« Saeyoung asked when coming out of the kitchen.

A salad bowl in the hand, serious expression on his face as if you'd just insulted him. Almost a hint of disgust by mentioning a prank. And that coming from none other than the Prankster himself.

He shook his head. »I rather go to a party than playing pranks.«

Saeran leaned his weight from both to one leg, lifting his arms cluelessly. »Why? Pranks are fun. They can give you a bit of pep!«

Saeyoung growled as his twin moved towards him, giving him a shove with the hip. Almost trying to bring some light air into the room.

At this point you're neither convinced nor uncertain they are simply messing with your sanity for whatever, inexplicable reason. You watched as Saeyoung rolled his eyes at Saeran, when he actually initiated a hug.

A real hug, mind you. He tried placing his arms around his older twin brother. Who happened to refuse affection from Saeran of all people. It only made him whine dramatically as a result.

»Alright.« You said, turning on your heels with a have of the hand. »I go to bed... I'm out.«

The twins left you alone after you closed the door. For a moment they only looked at each other before Saeran's facial expression changed into somewhat worrying feelings.

»Is she okay today...? She looked so irritated.«

He mumbled while pressing his fingers to his cheek. Saeyoung sighed deeply as he decided to pick the fork and finally eat his salad.

»I don't care.« He claimed dry. »I go and eat my food now.«

»Oh, can you give me a bite big bro?~ I'm really hungry..«

»Make your own food, for God's sake.«

»Aw man... You're really no fun.«

[rfaromance]

I'm new here so idk if you've done this before but what about hurt/comfort with Saeyoung and MC while they're in the apartment, Saeyoung ofc is being Like That. MC tries pushing at first but she's been burned/ghosted by ""friends"" more than once and has low self-esteem and eventually goes "you can just be honest with me you know. if you really don't like me I can take a hint. wouldn't be the first time. i know im not the kind of person other people like." maybe even says she wouldn't be surprised if the rest of the RFA is just being polite so they can hold parties again... and she locks herself in another room, maybe doesn't even check the messenger for the rest of the day.

And Saeyoung, as much as he's trying to be a dick so she won't miss him, just can't fucking do it. he's not going to let MC think she's the problem when he's the asshole (and whoever else has hurt her, but revenge plotting can be done later). she probably won't let him in right away but eventually they talk and maybe cuddle or smthn

"You can just be honest with me, you know."

Luciel didn't look up from his screen when MC spoke, even though the strands of letters and numbers flickering across his computer had turned into a jumbled, soupy mess hours ago. He was accustomed to working through exhaustion, fatigue, malnutrition, and dehydration, so he knew that if he kept pushing, eventually he'd break this obstacle and be working smoothly once again.

He didn't need to stop. Certainly, he didn't need to stop to listen to MC's chattering.

They'd been trying to start conversations with him multiple times since his arrival at the apartment, but he would just tighten his headphones or lean closer to his screen, to make a point. 'I'm busy,' he would convey wordlessly. 'I don't want to talk to you.'

That was a lie, of course; Luciel wanted nothing more than to be close to MC, to hear their woes, and if he could dare dream to be so selfish, to sob into their embrace. But he couldn't risk getting close to someone ever again.

Now that he knew he was a curse that damned everyone he loved to misery.

After seeing what had become of Saeran, who was his entire reason for breathing, he couldn't dare risk accepting MC's snacks, or blankets, or bandages. They'd live a far better, safer, and happier life once he finished restoring the security system and could vanish from their world forever.

"If you don't really like me... I can take a hint."

But nothing... nothing could have prepared him to hear those words leave his beloved MC's mouth.

A harsh bark of laughter came next. Luciel didn't dare look behind him, lest MC know he was listening, but the bitterness in their tone made his stomach twist. "It wouldn't be the first time," they murmured, their voice barely above a whisper. "I've learned by now... that I'm not the type of person that other people like. I'm not the type of person that anyone wants to keep around."

How was he supposed to focus on the flashing symbols on his screen, when warning signals were flashing inside his brain? Luciel could feel his body stiffen as he tried to think of a response. Was it appropriate for him to say anything? Would his words only put MC in more danger? Maybe he could just wait for them to calm down, and then surely someone from the RFA could call to distract them and put a smile on their face.

Someone from their world, a world of light and justice and charity and hope, could put a smile on their face once more and restore their confidence.

Luciel massaged his fingers for a moment, then cracked his knuckles and returned to typing. That should help MC understand that he "wasn't listening," right?

"It's okay," MC murmured. "If you don't want me around, I mean. Actually... I bet everyone else in the RFA feels the same way." Another pitiful laugh escaped their throat. "Maybe... maybe you even said in the chatroom that my location is secret because you wanted me to believe that's why nobody would visit me. I'm just some dumb, lost fool who doesn't know any of you, and I'm not at all fit to fill Rika's role. Maybe... someone begged you for an excuse... Would it be Jumin? Jaehee? A whole separate group chat?"

Every word that left MC's troubled lips cut another slice on Luciel's heart. Were they even talking to him anymore, or were they just voicing the concerns that'd been clogging their thoughts and feelings for days now?

"At least I can be useful. Even if nobody likes me... The RFA is full of good people. If I'm good for nothing else, at least I can help them have a party again. That's enough of a reason to pretend to tolerate me, isn't it?"

Whether he was meant to hear them, he knew he couldn't bear to let MC continue to believe this. Luciel could plow through work against his own pain, but the thought of hurting MC... Even he couldn't handle that adrenaline working against him.

Luciel finally turned his head (against his better judgment), but by the time he could open his mouth to speak, MC was already gone.

The bathroom door slammed behind them.

~~~~~

"Time for dinner, meow! Time for dinner, meow!"

MC nearly tripped over themselves as they got to their feet, their joints and muscles screeching in protest. Carefully they stepped over the side wall of the tub, suppressing a groan as their knees shrieked. They didn't intend to pass out sobbing in the bathtub, but crying is exhausting! One minute they were sniffling into their sleeves, and the next...

Wait, did that robot kitty say "dinner"?

MC nearly tripped again in their shock as they hurried over to the bathroom door. But as soon as they touched the handle, they hesitated. Would Seven--no, Luciel--even want to see them? Shame and guilt washed over them as they remembered what they had said this morning. Confessing that they knew everyone hated them and it wouldn't be the first time? Would he kick them out of the apartment? Would they be fired from the RFA? MC couldn't begin to imagine the conversations that had happened while they were dozing off. They could vaguely recall their phone buzzing from time to time, but half-conscious and wholly-despondent, they'd ignored every message.

"Dinner meow! Don't let it get cold meow!"

Well, if nothing else would motivate MC to face their anxiety, the rumbling in their stomach was rather persuasive. Inhaling deeply, MC turned the handle and opened the door to walk out into the main body of the apartment.

"I hope you like soup."

MC nearly jumped out of their skin at the sound of Luciel's voice. He was sitting in his usual spot on the floor, but he was pointing a finger towards the kitchen area. "The broth will be good for you, since you... It's good if you lose fluids," he finished awkwardly. Was he trying to avoid saying "cry"? Wait, did he hear them crying in the tub? "Meowy can help you spruce it up. It's a basic miso soup with some vegetables you had around the pantry."

As if on cue, Meowy pressed its head against your legs. Curiously MC followed, and the corners of their mouth twitched into a smile when they saw the tray of sauces, spices, herbs, and other garnishments by the eager robotic kitty's paws.

"I already had some. Eat as much as you want."

MC wanted to thank him, but they weren't sure if he would want to be bothered now. He'd already gone back to typing with both hands, and his headphones were firmly nestled over his ears with his hood on top of them too. "I..."

"You're important to us. All of us." He spoke up before MC could think of what to say. "Just because you don't like yourself, doesn't mean we can't like you. Got it? Don't try to change my mind."

MC had never tasted such a delicious, heartfelt bowl of soup in their life.

[rarepairronpa]

saw the childhood friends ask and lemme sprinkle in a thought bc i'm insane; yasuke and mikan being siblings (these two are not ship obvi for this) and yasuke introducing mikan to ryouko/junko i need you to HEAR ME OUT

The best way to make this idea work, I think, is to have Mikan be a adopted sibling. In a scenario where child protective services removed Mikan from her previously abusive home, only for her to get adopted by mama Matsuda. That way you keep her canon abuse backstory, but give her a lot better life as she recovers from it from a young age. Maybe mama Matsuda is who noticed the abuse in the first place and called CPS on them. (Is CPS still called CPS in Japan? You'd have to research that if anyone wants to write about this.) As time goes on and mama Matsuda loses more of her memory, tiny Yasuke and tiny Mikan would get more and more into medicine together, encouraged by Ryouko/Junko. Mikan already has a base from tending to her own wounds, which maybe Yasuke admires. When mama Matsuda passes, maybe there's a rift between them - with tiny Yasuke resenting her for not fixing her either. I would like to think that rift heals in time, since it's clear Mikan wanted to. But I could also see them becoming estranged from each other, which would be really sad. And probably increase their dependency on Junko.

And oh gosh, Junko. That would be weird, wouldn't it? She'd have a crush on two siblings, which is always awkward. (I can't really talk about that, as I loved both Saeyoung and Saeran from Mystic Messenger despite them being twins...) People have made poly situations work where one person dates both siblings, but. Still awkward, right? (Especially for twins, actually.)

Though it's also possible that Mikan, instead of latching onto Junko who she views as Yasuke's friend, would actually latch onto Mukuro if she's there. Which. Could definitely be interesting, right? Mukuro would probably get into fights defending her, to which Mikan would patch her up. Very cute stuff.

The other way to have Yasuke & Mikan siblings while keeping Mikan's canon backstory (mostly) intact, is to have papa Matsuda be abusive, but that's a really sad idea to me. It takes an already bad situation and makes it much, much worse. He could definitely weaponize mama Matsuda's dementia as an abuse tactic - both with gaslighting her, and using it against the kids. In such a scenario, I'd say that Yasuke is the favored one, and Mikan is the scapegoat. And not because of their merits, but probably... I'm going to say papa Matsuda buys into misogyny, and so just naturally treats Mikan worse. I'm going to say in such a situation that Yasuke inherited his father's hair color and Mikan inherited her mother's hair color, which feeds into the abuse - Mikan is weak like her mother and Yasuke is an extention of papa Matsuda in papa Matsuda's mind. That would turn an already miserable childhood for both into something even worse, I think. Essentially combining both of their backstories. In such a scenario, they'd both really latch onto Junko (and maybe Mukuro) even more. And their relationship with each other would be "complicated" even before mama Matsuda dies, given the family dynamics. They only have each other (and later on Junko and maybe Mukuro) but they're also pitted against each other. I could see it turn out similarly to my Kokichi & Mikan sibling AU, at least at first. The dynamic would be different in the nuances, but Mikan would definitely be jealous and maybe even lash out, leading to Yasuke doing the same.

Junko may even encourage that rivalry, because it isolates both of them and makes them more dependant on her. I also think in a situation where they were raised together from the start like this, the likelihood of Mikan attaching to Mukuro instead of Junko goes way down. The possible catalyst for that happening in the adopted scenario is a situation where Yasuke and Junko are already friends, so Mikan would feel left out just like Mukuro feels. In this scenario, I'm assuming they meet Junko and maybe Mukuro at the same time.

Actually. They're the same age, aren't they? Their birthdays are assumedly different in canon, but it would make me wonder if maybe they'd be twins in this scenario. I don't think Yasuke has a canon age, too, so you can kind of have it be whenever you want. So, like. You know. You could have it be the same as Mikan's for the sake of the AU. That could be interesting, to see two sets of twins be childhood friends.

It could definitely be interesting, especially if it gets messy with Junkan and Matsushima in the mix. Mikan would be like, oh, great. It wasn't enough to take our fathers love from me, now you want Junko too?! Could definitely get very complicated.

[stormflypirateskin]

"Let Me Hear You, Brother!"

Summary: Saeyoung keeps calling Saeran on the phone because he wants to hear his voice.

I got the idea from @anas-tasiaa :DD

"Stop calling me!! What do you want?!" Saeran pinched the temple on his face as he groaned. "Why do you keep calling me anyway? Are you trying to piss me off on purpose?!" His voice raised even more.

All he wanted was to just stay in his room and rest for the day. Well, you see, that wasn't originally his plan but he changed into it immediately when Saeyoung, his brother, wouldn't leave him alone.

Saeyoung would always be near his brother in whatever he was doing and just kept rambling about many things. Normally, Saeran would just ignore him but Saeyoung kept asking questions after questions.

So, here he was, in his room. Hoping to rest his mind from the million thoughts and intense emotions he was feeling at the moment.

"But but but!!" Saeyoung had flinched from the volume of his brother's voice. "I wanna talk to youuu..." He sighed, defeated.

"Don't you see me every single day..?!" Saeran was sitting up right now as his eyebrows furrowed. He was fighting the urge to just hang up on him.

Sure, he didn't hate his brother but sometimes he did things that made Saeran want to hide in his room for the rest of the week. He knows he doesn't mean harm but he drives Saeran wild a lot of times.

"I'm hanging up."

"Wait..!!" Saeyoung immediately called out to him. "I'll.. I'll buy you ice cream if you don't hang up!!" He panicked.

"What do you want..?!" Saeran sighed. His patience was being tested here. But he can't really resist ice cream. I guess he could listen to him a bit. "Explain why you don't want me to hang up, Saeyoung." Saeran's firm voice shot back.

"W-Well.." Saeyoung didn't know what to say but his mind raced with thoughts with what he could say at that moment.

"I-I just..!!" He sighed before he took a small breath. "I want to listen to your voice, Saeran."

It was like all of Saeran's anger left and was replaced with confusion. He raised an eyebrow. "What.. do you mean..?"

"I.. well.. I always missed it.. it was torture when I couldn't hear your voice anymore.." He confessed slowly. It was true. When Saeyoung had to leave Saeran for the agency, it ruined him.

He stayed up countless nights, wondering how Saeran was doing while he was with V and Rika back then. He had to stay away, alone, only a disgusting hacker doing all the disturbing work.

Even if he couldn't see or hear him anymore, he thought that he was okay when the opposite was happening. He never wants to let him go anymore. He wants to stay by his side and make sure he is safe and alive for as long as he lives.

So Saeran finally being by his side after all those years? Saeyoung really missed him so much and he is finally able to hear his voice. Even if Saeran gets angry a lot at his brother. Saeyoung was just happy to have him close to him once again.

"Just hearing you again after so long.. I'm happy." Saeran could tell that Saeyoung was smiling even if he couldn't see him.

Saeran did miss Saeyoung back then too and even if his brother annoyed him a lot, he was still.. glad that his brother wanted to be around him.

It was gonna take a long time for Saeran to warm up to Saeyoung and everyone else in the RFA enough but he was still making progress, even if it was small.

Saeran was lost on his thoughts which made Saeyoung panic since he thought that he said something wrong there.

"I also.. missed it." Saeran said quietly and slowly. It was rare to see him admit these thoughts and feelings.

"Huh..?" Saeyoung's eyes widened immediately.

"I said bring me the ice cream." Saeran changed the topic quickly. He felt embarrassed that he admitted to missing his brother's voice.

It did help him a lot when they were both at that old house of nightmares.

Saeyoung's soft laughter could be heard. He decided to not make Saeran feel more embarrassed with what he said and played along. "Of course, my dear brother. You shall have all the ice cream in the world!!"

And Saeran felt a weak smile make it's way to his face.

[thelost-in-time]

Hi, Anon, just a note before we start. I'm sorry, but Tumblr posted my unfinished thing for me, so I had to start it from scratch again so it's not posted half completed. That's why the ask isn't shown as an actual ask and it is a screenshot. Other than that, I'm sorry and I hope you enjoy this nonetheless

Hi, Anon! You absolutely can, dw ^^ Also, I hope you don't mind, but I've added Xiao and Zen for my own comfort reasons

I'll just separate each character with some sort of dividers, so it's no problem ^^

Hey, I'm here, okay?

How Childe, Diluc, Xiao, Saeran, Saeyoung and Zen comfort a reader with anxiety.

Warnings: Anxiety, panic attacks, mental breakdowns, mentions of drowning and suffocation (comparison only), chest pain because of anxiety. Mysme is inaccurate bc I only finished Jumin and Jaehee's routes.

Reader is gn

Disclaimer: Everyone's anxiety is not the same. My anxiety may not be like yours. This post is based on my anxiety and how I hear my friends talk about their anxiety. Do NOT attack me over this. If you don't like how this turned out, move on instead of attacking me over it.

Genshin

Childe

He knows anxiety because he was in the Abyss at one point.

And he does have a family he needs to protect.

You have anxiety, but how severe your anxiety gets completely depends on your situation.

Sometimes your anxiety gets so bad that it's like you're drowning in an ocean, begging someone to save you.

Childe will be the one who will help you.

He has younger siblings, so he's learnt to be intuitive with the emotions of the ones he loves.

This includes you.

As far as Childe is concerned, you are part of his family.

Part of his world. I'll see myself out now.

So when Childe sees you placing a hand to your chest with a look of discomfort after a certain situation.

Chest pain caused by anxiety.

He knows.

He's quick to act.

He leads you away from the situation and pulls you into his arms, embracing you.

"Shh, it's okay, my love. I'm here. I'll try to help you feel better."

Anytime Childe sees your anxiety starting to build up, he has his gentle hold on you.

Hands caressing your arm, your back or your hands.

He's trying to help ease you a little.

If someone gave you a panic attack, then they'll come face to face with Childe's blade.

He is merciless to those who give you panic attacks, unless you ask him to show mercy.

"My love, how about later, we play with Teucer? He adores you."

Offers you anything to help you feel better, and Teucer's antics are one of them.

Because he knows about your anxiety, he always is prepared to take care of you.

Tries to ease your mind as best he can.

"But you'll never be alone."

Diluc

Master Diluc. Another one who had anxiety in the past after... events in his life.

Except, he wouldn't know about your anxiety unless you brought it up.

He didn't wanna assume anything, that's all, so he waited until you confirmed this with him.

When you do though, expect him to be prepared to help you at all times.

But sometimes, in the dead of night when Diluc is put and you're home alone, it's hell.

You're laying alone in your bed, thoughts swirling around your head.

And sometimes being alone with your thoughts aren't a good thing.

Negative thoughts flow into your mind, and suddenly, it's as if you're suffocating.

Trying to hold back the fiery hot tears that roll down your face, Diluc returns home to you.

"Something isn't right. I can feel it."

Rushes over to your room, not wanting to waste a single moment more.

And he finds you curled up in bed, gasping for air, having a breakdown.

Pulls you into his arms and holds you, making you rest your head on his chest.

"My love, listen to my voice, and my heartbeat. Don't think about anything else."

Tries to ground you by talking to you and letting you listen to the sound of his heart.

It hurts Diluc to see you like this, and he always does his best to ease your anxiety.

Anytime you feel your anxiety getting worse, Diluc is there.

He wraps his arms around you, or gives you his jacket if he can't hold you.

But he will drop everything to help you.

Will make you something to drink, like hot chocolate, tea, coffee, anything.

And if you need to fidget with something to ground your anxiety

Well, he buys you some sort of fidget toy.

Don't fight me. Those things help me through it sometimes bc my mind goes blank and I get grounded

Diluc also offers to do some relaxing activities with you to soothe your mind and your nerves.

"I'll be with you from dusk till dawn."

Xiao

Used to have anxiety as well. Have you not seen his karmic debt?

And yet you ground him when he needs you most.

So you better believe that he will return the favour tenfold.

He can see you're anxious with how you absent-mindedly tap your fingers against a surface.

He reaches out, holding your hand in his.

He has gotten used to initiating physical affection after seeing how happy you get.

When you're laying in bed at night, unable to sleep with thoughts swirling around your head.

Then Xiao will be the one to help you to bed.

Gives you a hoodie of his, helps you put it on actually, and helps you to bed.

Cuddles with you, whispering comforting words when your anxiety grows.

Takes you out on a walk through nature when your anxiety grows worse over days.

If you have allergies, he takes the path with less plants and stuff, but still amazing sights.

"I'm right here. I'll not leave your side. I'll help you get through this."

Anytime you start spiralling, he talks you through it, voice gentle and calm

Does all the things to soothe you that you do for him.

Never treats you as if you're incapable of doing things yourself though.

Lets you do things yourself unless you ask him for help, advising you to take it slowly.

Asks you to talk to describe some stuff to him when you're on the verge of breaking.

"What colour is the sky? What colour are my eyes? Can you match your breathing to mine?"

Alternatively asks you to count the number of objects backwards.

Basically find ten of one object, nine of another and so on.

Xiao mainly distracts you from what's growing your anxiety.

But he also gives you a lot of physical affection to help you calm down.

Super patient with you, despite seeming like an impatient person.

"Baby I'm right here."

Mystic Messenger

Saeran

Never played his or Saeyoung's routes, but he's my favourite from the two for some reason.

Saeran suffers anxiety even to this day. He has anxiety because of what he was subjected to.

So he understands you having anxiety.

Offers to introduce you to his psychologist so that your anxiety can also get a little bit better.

He knows it may not completely help, but he wants to help you even a little bit.

His psychologist helped him, so he's hoping you'll be helped as well.

However, if you're against the idea, he attempts to help you himself.

When you're feeling on the verge of an anxiety attack, he offers you to get ice-cream.

This man loves his ice-cream, so you don't even suspect its to help you.

Until it keeps happening when your panic attacks hit.

And if you're lactose intolerant? He finds an alternative that won't make you suffer.

Maybe he offers you some Honey Buddha Chips from Saeyoung's endless supply.

He likes stargazing with you, especially on nights when both your anxieties peak.

"The stars have a way of easing my anxiety. I hope it helps you as well."

Offers you his teddy bear to hold and cuddle when you're especially stressed during the day

Likes holding your hand. Feels it helps ground you both.

When your chest hurts, he gently squeezes your hand as a gentle reminder that he's there for you.

Times when your anxiety isn't as bad though, you can be certain to hear him say he's proud of you.

And when you recover from a panic attack, he still says he's proud of you.

Why? Because he knows how it feels.

"I'm proud of you. You're doing so well. You're managing, and that's great."

When you're calm, looks at you as if you're a work of art.

When you're breaking down, looks at you as if you're a delicate flower that needs care.

Always reminds you that he loves you, especially when you're super anxious.

"I'll hold you when things go wrong."

Saeyoung

Did you guys get married at the space station?

He's smart, but he's also stupidly oblivious.

So much for being a sentient boy.

I joke. In all honesty, he's probably trying to balance things, so he doesn't notice.

At first.

When he does notice you have anxiety (or when you finally tell him), he hugs you.

Holds you close, not saying anything for a few moments.

You think he's disappointed, and he is. Except it's in himself for not realising sooner.

After that? He pays close attention to you, not wanting you to spiral.

Anytime he sees someone about to prod at your anxiety to make it grow, he's there.

Pulls pranks on the person. Can't threaten them directly because he has a history.

When alone with the person who overwhelmed you, he's much less forgiving.

He is gentle, treating you as if you were a precious gem that could break.

Talks you through your nerves, cracking a few jokes to help you.

Alternatively though, he holds you close, letting you rest your head on his shoulder or chest.

You know how he cosplays?

He will cosplay for you to see you smile.

Cosplays as your comfort character.

Which means he may not need to cosplay bc he knows his your comfort character here.

"Defender 707 will defend you from your anxiety!"

Suggests activities that could help you.

Go outside? Take a walk? Exercise? Cuddles? Video games?

Maybe not the last one. Unless it's a slow paced game that's calming.

Asks Vanderwood to cook for you to make sure you don't forget to eat.

"I'll be with you from dusk till dawn."

Zen

You know how he has a bunch of rehearsals to do and rarely has time for himself?

Yeah, he always has time for you.

So when you message him saying your anxiety is worse today, he drops everything to go to you. The directors can't say anything, fearing he may quit, and their project will flop.

When he arrives at home, he has your favorite snacks on hand, ready to spoil you.

But on other days, when you're both together, he likes going to quiet places with you.

This is because not only is he famous, but also because he doesn't want to overwhelm you.

Feeds you and makes sure you're hydrated because he knows you forget sometimes.

Another one who buys you fidget toys to help ease your anxiety.

"You know I'm here, right? You don't have to struggle through this alone."

Alternatively, if you ever feel like you're a burden because of your anxiety, he has something else to say.

"You're not my burden. I'll never drop you. In fact, I don't mind having you here. Please never think you're a burden."

Funnily enough, this man was my first love in mysme, but I never had the time to get his route rip

Keeps you away from the media in fear of your anxiety worsening.

He wants to introduce you as his romantic partner, but he doesn't want any hate comments to you.

Also scared the attention will maybe make your anxiety worse.

So he keeps things between you both alone.

"God made a mistake when making us. I'm too beautiful and you're too perfect."

Smack him /j Just let him know you're fine when you're fine.

And let him know when you're not fine

Leaves you little notes around your house that tells you how much he loves you

Alternatively (again), if he's unable to come to you when you're anxious.

He has voice notes prepared to ground you, and notes (again) to ground you.

Is proud to have you as his romantic partner, and just wants you to be okay.

Likes spoiling you as well. Acts of service and gift giving. Wants to reward you for being so strong.

"Baby I'm right here."

End

Reblogs and friendly comments are welcome.

[cerisetial]

a super secret message from 707!! - saeyoung/luciel choi

male! reader

morning morning,

hey hey how are you doing over there sunshine? you doing alright? i sure hope you are. besides i trust that if you run into some trouble i'd be the first one you run to, right?! actually, perhaps- jumin? what about zen? nahhhh you wouldn't, you trust me of course so why wouldn't you run to the super reliable hacker of rfa am i right HAHA!

ohhhh man, what exactly did you do to me? i can feel my hand getting all clammy now ohhhh what did you do to me~ now you must be wondering, what exactly is this super secret message sent by the one and only seven zero seven!! well this message is actually a rather special one, and it should be kept as a secret between you and me, super ultra top secret, even v shouldn't know about this for now!!

you make me very happy you know that? your messages always leave me waiting for more, sometimes i can't help but whine whenever i find myself online and you're not online. it's just not very fun :( you sometimes help me in pranking yoosung, which i find very funny, and you encourage me showing elizabeth the III my love! ahhh you truly are an angel sent by the gods ♡ when i hear your voice i find myself getting all red faced and struggling to speak, it's like you cast a hex on me, are you a witch?! no no that can't be, you must be...

the one who captured my heart ♡~? i find myself thinking about you and worrying about you. whenever there's anything that i think will concern you i find the need to butt into it and to see if it will bring you harm. ahhhh it's a bit embarrassing to admit but sometimes i just stare at my phone waiting for the moment you call me. on that note, call me more often! i will always try to make time for you :)

if you're up for it, what about calling me later and telling me if you like me too ehhh, ehhh? sounds fair right? good good, i'll be waiting for your response, oh and no rush of course if you still can't tell me later that's completely okay, i will wait for you. talk to you later, i got more work to handle T-T!

love you, by 7-0 -7 ☆

love letter links:

shuichi saihara love letter

hajime hinata love letter

link to the ask:

love letters request

i hope this met your expectations nonnie ♡ take care of yourself always and stay safe~ love lots to all my stars!!

- cerise

[thesoleilla]

Flufftober Day 29: Leaves

Masterlist Fandom:mystic messenger

Characters: Saeyoung/luciel/707 and Saeran

Saeyoung always tried his best for Saeran, consistently. Yet it seemed like all he achieved was leaving him. And he didn't want to do that all over again. Never ever would he leave him.

Saeran had always liked the feels of the garden. It was always so... comforting. No matter what, the flowers always looked the same. His plants were the consistency he always needed in his life.

But there was one thing in his garden that he absolutely despised. Leaves. They seemed to be playing with him, leaving at the smallest hint of breeze. Leaving him as soon as they could. Enough things already left in his life, he didn't need a reminder in his little personal paradise.

Nowadays, he spent most of his days like this ,sitting in the garden on his own; looking up at the sky and taking care of his plants. Something so simple, yet so beautiful... Surely nobody would even dare disturb his peace...

He was abandoning himself to his thoughts, and they were good thoughts. A luxury he only now could taste.

He was fully embracing it, hence why he didn't care about the warm presence next to him; the presence that usually made him tick; constantly all over the place; now only noticeable because of the sound of leaves cracking and soft breathing.

Yes, Saeran could barely see hints of the red head next to him. But this felt so peaceful... it even balanced his annoyance for the other twin.

Saeyoung felt good here too. In fact, he did come here a lot when he was worried for his brother's health; because knowing the something that Saeran loved to see was still here was a relief. At least he had that, and maybe that would keep him sane. Help him heal.

Wind started shuffling in the brothers' hair.

"Do you like it here?" Saeyoung quietly murmured, he wouldn't want to ruin what made his brother happy. Never ever again.

Saeran only nodded, and continued to look around, still amazed by the nature around him.

"The plants... they never leave... always here for me... for everyone... I like it." Saeran let out, in the calmest voice most people ever heard from him. It looked like nothing was troubling him, like nothing ever could. Not when he was in this state.

The wind started blowing harder, taking leaves away with it... it was the only thing able to disturb Saeran's peace and quiet.

"The guy who named leaves sure was good at his job... they're always leaving... they come and go as if they didn't care. Not about anything." Saeran went on, but he didn't want to admit the connection his brother had to leaves in his eyes. That would be too much trouble for his perfect paradise. A perfect paradise in which Saeyoung somehow managed to find a place, even if it was unstable. He wasn't being that annoying right now, "he may not be that bad.." Saeran started accomodating to that thought... maybe he wasn't that annpying after all.

They sat in silence for a while. Saeyoung understood very well what his brother wanted to imply by his last sentence... who the leaves reminded him off... but he never meant to hurt him...

Saeyoung got closer to Saeran, backs touching one another.

Saeyoung didn't want to sound like an over-protective older brother again... but how could he make him realize his true intentions? They had always been good... he thought. Well maybe that.. no! He always had Saeran's interest in mind.. how did they end up like this?

Not being able to convey his feelings through words, and scared of upsetting his brother, he just locked eyes with him. He was pulling at the skin on his legs nervously, like he wanted to completely disappear out of fear. This wasn't the Saeyoung Saeran thought was true... this was the broken man everyone made him out to be... Saeran pinched his arm. He couldn't believe what was before his eyes... he must've been having a nightmare. Except he could feel the pain at the pinching of his arm... the wind piercing through his hair... this was way too detailled to be fake... but how else could his usually overconfident and energitic twin be like that?

"It's not that I hate leaves . I.. like them in fact!I get attached... then they leave. Just like everyone else." Saeran stated, subconsciousky trying to reassure his brother. He didn't think he understood Saeyoung, but he did. After all, they weren't twins for nothing, even after all the years... his brother wasn't that big of a mystery to him now.

Saeyoung seemed to have figured something out, his eyes lit up all over again, and for once Saeran wasn't that sad about seeing a glimpse of his brother's chaos. If it meant he didn't have to acknowledge the truth...

"Well... maybe they" he giggled a bit in embarassment, an emotion Saeran didn't think Saeyoung ever had in him "just... think they're detrimental to you? If they stay for too long they might prevent the flowers from growing... or that's what they believe to be true. They just want the best for you! Just like- Nevermind.." Saeyoung almost returned to normal for a split second, but what mattered most now was his brother. Not what Saeyoung meant, not what he wanted. What was important was how it affected Saeran. No matter the intention, the consequences were still there, and feeling guilty wouldn't help with anything.

However, Saeran wasn't dumb. He had never been,even if he started off as the weakest of the pair he could very well read his brother, especially after seeing him so vulnerable. He felt like he finally saw the Saeyoung from when they were kids merge with the current one, and it felt great. Not because it was the brother Saeran wanted or needed, but because it was the person Saeyoung had always been deep inside. What Saeran needed wasn't anything special really, he just needed his true brother.Not some idiotic persona. He needed Saeyoung and him to become twins again. However, in order to do that, they had to be true to one another,to tear the facades apart. One by one.

So Saeran finally initiated physical contact with Saeyoung, and gave him a pat on the back. Yes, he knew they both needed more than that, but for now this was his limit. He wanted to keep his arm around his brother's back, stay next to eachother as twins who got eachother perfectly but they weren't like that. Their reality was fairly more complicated.

But as time went on, it steadily got better, each facade crumbling down one by one, becoming more and more vulnerable.

They always got eachother, but the important task was for them to figure themselves out, and only then would their versions of eachother unite; allowing them to be close. Until then, this was their best; and for now, they were satisfied with it.

@flufftober

Tysm for reading eiavakvdqlvd !! I'm fairly proud of this one tbh it was so fun to write dksvskdbzk

I love the choi twins😭😭

Also forgive if Saeran is ooc I haven't done his route yet

[yanderes-galore]

Hey, can I have V blinding reader like Rika did to him for trying to escape?

I love V and he would probably do this if pushed to it-

Eclipse

Yandere! V x Reader

MENTIONED ANOTHER STORY SPOILERS

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Female Darling, Yandere behavior such as a forced relationship, violence, dark themes, toxic relationship, obsessive themes.

"I didn't wish to do this, but I needed to make you understand."

Your vision was blurred, almost useless. You always shook and responded to anything touching you with either fear or violence. Maybe Rika was right to warn you.

If you didn't try to help V you could of been able to see. You wouldn't have to be scared of the presence near you. You might of had a better life at Mint Eye.

"(Y/N)...You're shaking again." V's voice sounds comforting but you know it's false. You aren't sure what made him snap but you knew he wasn't safe.

You had no choice but to rely on him, however.

You cringe when you feel the man envelop his arms around you. He smelled of wine, Jumin must of given him it. He leans his head on yours as you try to struggle.

"Let go of me...V-" You beg, V refusing.

"What I've done isn't right, I know. (Y/N)...I couldn't bear to have my muse leave again." V confesses softly.

"Are you...trying to beg for forgiveness?" You say blankly.

V goes silent and only holds you. You wonder what he's told the other RFA members all those months ago.

That you had an accident and went blind. That he was innocent and only cared for you. He really was full of lies.

"Get out of here...." You push on him and he relents, sitting by you.

"I can't just leave you here, (Y/N)... How will you provide for yourself?" V reasons, you shake your head and crawl away from him on the bed.

"You even refuse to get me the surgery. What are you trying to prove? How do you think Saeyoung and Jumin feel? You're lying to them again, aren't you?"

V is speechless. You look towards where you think his voice was. You tried to give him a judging gaze but he ignores your attempt.

"You know why I won't give you it....I gave you that scar out of love-"

"Punishment. You gave me this scar out of punishment. I wanted to leave because of this behavior. Please, V, we can get you therapy and get me a surgery. I'm sure Jumin would help!" You bargain but V quickly turns it down.

"We can be happy, (Y/N)...Just trust me!"

"I'm done trusting you! Trusting you costed me my eyesight. You won't even fix your mistake...I thought I made you better!"

"We don't need eyesight to be happy, (Y/N)! We can just stay by each other. We can depend on each other!" V cries as you slap away his hand.

"So that's why. If I can't see, I can't leave, is that it? You did this so I could cling to you and you could keep your muse, huh!?" You scoff.

"(Y/N)-"

"You're horrid with love, V...." You end your conversation there and turn away.

V tried to get you to speak to him but you resisted him. You couldn't even phone the others for help, could you? V had trapped you here.

You soon found yourself crying softly. You were stuck. V had deteriorated to the point reasoning bounced off him. He was gone, the person you used to know now covered by darkness.

Instead of the warm sun like love he promised to you, there was darkness. Like an eclipse, most of his love was covered in obsession. Sometimes it filtered through, though. Yet you never accepted it.

You didn't acknowledge his second hug, either. You didn't push away, you didn't argue. You only sobbed. You only wished the old V was back.

"I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'll make it better...."

V's lips pressed to your cheek in a futile attempt to calm you.

"We'll be happy like we were before, I promise...."

[natasha-in-space]

Can I request you RFA and Saeran ( minus Jaehee) with a male MC. The boys are just shocked they are attracted to someone same gender as them. Does Jumin Han is gay? Jumin would confirm that this is true. Male MC is literally so adorable and cute, kind and compassionate, also has some feminine trait

I do want to preface this by pointing out that this is very headcanon-territory overall! I don't think I talked much on this blog about my personal headcanons for MM gang's sexualities so far. Not directly, anyway. That is to say, they will love you regardless of your gender! All MC's are loved and cherished by the RFA, don't forget that <3

Yoosung

Now, Yoosung definitely had crushes before, but they never really went anywhere. By the time he meets you, he probably has little or no real-life experience with romantic relationships. I don't think he is very well versed in his own sexual or romantic preference... at all. He was simply too focused on studying for the majority of his school years, and once Rika has passed, the yearnings for a romantic relationships were just another form of his deep longing for human connection. So, it goes without saying that a male MC wouldn't have much impact. These feelings are still new and undiscovered for him, whether you are male, female, trans, nonbinary, etc. By the time he realizes that he is falling for you, your gender is the last thing on his mind. The thing that will come up is coming out to his family. This post focuses solely on exploring that aspect for Yoosung!

Zen

So, Zen canonically has quite a bit of relationship experience under his belt. He is aware of his likings and dislikes. I do headcanon him as questioning his sexuality, but still presenting himself as straight. A part of him just never really felt that inner push to try and pursue anything with a man. Not fully. But he definitely considers it sometimes, and he finds himself feeling attracted to non-female presenting individuals. He's kind of confused in that sense, often writing it off on him finding someone aesthetically attractive is all. I have a feeling that there were some men approaching him romantically or sexually, though. He works in a creative field, and creative spaces are often, if not always, full of queer people. So, for him, it'll be more of a confirmation than anything else. He finds you attractive, both inside and out, and that's a feeling he recognizes well enough. He'll be way more awkward with flirting, though. He knows how to charm a lady, but he's clueless if he should do anything specific for a man. You'll have to give him a push there.

Jumin

Jumin is not that interested in learning about his romantic or sexual preferences. Although he appears somewhat clueless, he really just... doesn't care much. In a way, he always knew that he is capable of attraction to more than one gender, he just never had a word for it, nor did he care enough to learn. I personally headcanon him on the ace spectrum, so that plays into his indifference towards his love life. Of course, that's not to overlook the role his unfortunate upbringing played in shaping his views on romantic relationships. He would definitely be way more involved if his family didn't raise him the way they did. (But we're not touching that huge can of worms right now) I don't think he will care much about labels, not until you or someone else brings it up to him. He just knows that he loves you, and that's that. He doesn't understand nor appreciate anyone questioning him or meddling into his personal affairs. His family included. So, I don't think he will be all that shocked, nor will he struggle. Most of his intimacy issues stem from his upbringing, not much else.

Saeyoung

It's pretty much a common knowledge that Saeyoung is very blatantly not straight. He doesn't try very hard to conceal it, nor does he care to. I actually view him as the most flirty one of the group, so he has his fair share of fleeting flirty connections with many people of all gender identities. None of it was anything meaningful nor serious, though. He's the sort of guy who flirts with everyone in the room, but will quickly fumble and leave if someone reciprocates his advances. Saeyoung's issue is not so much about his sexuality as it is about his unique situation regarding his job and identity.

Saeran

Saeran... doesn't know much, if anything, about sexuality. His knowledge is very limited to what little he reads in books and Rika's words. In other words, I don't believe Rika would instruct him that feeling something for another man is wrong or incorrect. I think it's pretty clear that she is not the type of person to do that or believe in that. (That's not mentioning that she is very not straight herself but I digress) I do think Ray would talk about it with her, though. Although she trusted him to select a tester on his own, I'm certain that she still overlooked some aspects of the process. And we do know that Rika doesn't really mind his attraction towards you. It's only when that attraction grows into something more substantial that challenges his loyalty to her does it become an issue in her eyes. That is to say, Ray wouldn't care if you are a man. He finds you as lovely as can be. Just be prepared to be called a prince. And Ray will probably want to be your knight. He can't think of a role more fitting than one that will make him serve you and protect you like you deserve.

[marshmallowprotection]

What do you think Jumin thinks of Saeyoung?

You know, it's funny, Jumin and Saeyoung have an extreme sense of miscommunication and if it weren't for that, they would be closer. It's got a lot to do with the front Saeyoung puts up as 707. We can argue up and down all day long that Jumin can't stand Saeyoung because... well, points at Elizabeth. But, I've genuinely come up with a theory to explain why Saeyoung goes as far as he does, besides having serious cuteness aggression for cats.

Elizabeth's collar contains sensitive information, and you know what? If someone wanted that information, they could take Elizabeth away just to get that intel. It wouldn't be too hard to kidnap Elizabeth, and that's the point Saeyoung likes to make at the end of the day. "If I can get in here, someone else can get in here." It's a silly, roundabout way to get answers, but that's in character for Saeyoung who is trying so hard to disguise what he's doing in the agency and how he could get his hands on information like that.

"Jumin wouldn't be happy if I knew this information, so, I'm going to get some Elly cuddles and teach him a lesson this way. Sure, is that strange and nonsensical? Eh, that's the persona I've adopted and I'll just let them think I'm a clown."

That's Saeyoung's rationale for everything, you know? He works hard to help his friends from the shadows. He runs hundreds of accounts to boost Zen on social media. He plays LOLOL with Yoosung all the time to keep him distracted from his grief. He pushes him to work on something that keeps him driven. He offers to do work to help out his buddy Jaehee, too! I'm almost certain he rigs things in Jaehee's favor to win tickets for Zen.

And for Jumin? Y'all do know he made the deal with Chairman Han not only to benefit orphans in need, but to boost C&R? I hated the way Chairman Han spoke about Saeyoung and how Saeyoung acted in the RAE, but I think, honestly, Saeyoung was just saying whatever he could to please Chairman Han and get the deal with SevenStar to work out. C&R benefits from the charity and the profits, and that just looks better on Jumin. Jumin is running a massive corporation, and it is one of the only ones in that universe that is known to value many of its workers from top to bottom.

Yes, Jumin's not a perfect boss, but everything we see with him shows that he tries his best to make things better for his workers. Sure, his treatment of Jaehee is something we need to scold him about, but he gives Jaehee tasks because he genuinely trusts her to do those jobs right, and for someone with trust issues, that's a lot if we look at it from that perspective. I'm sure not cutting him slack for that, but I will say from that angle, it shows a lot.

In the RAE, Saeyoung only leaked the information about Elizabeth to protect Saeran and MC. I think he would've taken that to his grave if not for that because, well, Saeyoung will throw anyone under the bus for his brother, and by proxy, anyone that matters to his brother. Even if that means he has to give up the RFA members, and that's a painful thought because we all know that Saeyoung thinks of the RFA as his family now. But, push comes to shove, he will chose Saeran first.

He will always put Saeran first.

So, knowing this about Saeyoung, what do I think answers the question of how does Jumin feel about Saeyoung?

I think that, unfortunately, despite knowing that Saeyoung is a good person at heart, the line of miscommunication and the joker mask get in the way of Jumin being able to wholly appreciate Saeyoung as a person. Does that mean they're not friends? Of course not. They're friends all day, but Jumin isn't able to understand just how devoted Saeyoung is to not only Jumin, but the others, because of the way Saeyoung has to live his life.

This core disconnection is what causes trouble in the first place. If I had to describe what Jumin thinks of Saeyoung in most routes, it's as simple as "Luciel is unbelievably crafty, but he gets under my skin all the time given his inability to respect Elizabeth the 3rd's boundaries. I will give him credit for this and that, but he frustrates me to no end... and I ponder if he enjoys tormenting me as much as he does Yoosung. I don't suppose he'll ever confess the truth."

[asterjennifer]

🎀 I'm stupid and did the question wrong, so I made a screenshot @princessjung lol 🎀

© @blossyay on Tumblr

Happy Hour

Fandom: Mystic Messenger

Pairing: SE Saeran X Reader

Category: Fluff

Warnings: X

Word count: 1731

Summary: Some days the world's so heavy to carry around.

Other days were easier when being with the person that takes a lot of the burden by just being there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Have you seen my book?” A smile tugged on the corners of your lips as you entered the room, wondering if he'd been the thief again who took your novel silently to stick his nose into it given his curious nature when it came to your shared shelves.

Although he proclaimed he's not very interested in your specific taste, he grabbed himself a book similar to your taste oddly often, quite suspicious if thinking about it. Saeran sat on his bed, body relaxed as he spread his legs over the mattress.

He looked up, wearing his usual pokerface with which you're having trouble reading to this day. The blueish eyes owning their green shimmer gazed over at your shape leaning in the door frame. “No?” Was all he offered before turning his head back down.

You huffed, considering the book you've been searching for a while by now was right there; held tightly between his hands. Having no words you instead took casual steps into his room. He'd never thrown you out before; he wouldn't do that today either.

“Then what's that between your fingers, hm?” You pointed to your belonging with one finger, raising your eyebrow in amused question. Saeran's eyes darted back and forth from the book to you until he stayed stuck at the pages again. “Nothing.”

You huffed by the blunt response, despite a smile also trying to find its way over his face. “Is that so..” The words left you breathless, therefore with some laughter in between. “I suppose then I must sit here and read what you got there.” Saeran shot you a warning holding no weight as you sat down.

The edge of the bed sank under your pressure, smiling at the redhead before leaning in to see the pages of the novel better. With the little bedside lamp he somehow found comfortable to read with, his presence seemed warmer than normally.

Something soft even. Perhaps because there's a slight shade of red matching his hair whenever you slid closer into his space, maybe it's the fact his entire being caught some health thanks to Saeyoung and you looking out for Saeran more in the most discreet ways possible. Either way, his appearance is so very sweet and warm.

He lifted the book by reflex. “Hey,” His voice mumbled out. “Who said you can sit here?” Placing your arm over the bedframe didn't seem to be the answer he's waiting for.

“Getting comfortable to read with you.” Your enjoyment caused Saeran's eyes to narrow in doubt, which vanished fast while letting out a silent sigh. A frown covered your forehead when he turned back to stare at the letters inside the pages.

You could tell he's thinking about something you had no clue about. Thus you waited patiently in case he'd prefer if you leave for the time being and simply return your pastime once he's finished. But Saeran then made more space on the bed by shifting to the wall.

Caught off guard, your eyes widened the same moment his cheeks flushed deeply. “You should get comfortable as you said, so..” The air's a bit awkward and yet it didn't feel any more suffocating.

Only the beat of your heart increased by taking the opportunity he'd given you just now. “Thank you, Saeran.” He nodded short and let you pull the blanket over your lower body. The pillow he used as support for his back big enough for the both of you.

His bed's a bit stiff, so you made a mental note to remind Saeyoung later to get him a new mattress someday soon. Saeran watched until you showed a thumbs up. “I'm good now! Let's read together.”

You nearly beamed and Saeran released a deeper breath. “Not quite good.” That statement confused you because you'd just told him it's cozy beside him. The according stare you had on your face forced him into action when clicking his tongue behind his teeth. The blush reaching his ears.

Hesitant albeit determined he let go of one side of the book, reaching out his arm behind your shoulders. You felt your heart skip a beat when realizing what he's trying to convey. He tried keeping his neutral facial expression with his arm still in the air.

It then connected the dots; he's waiting for your consent. Saeran got problems with boundaries, everyone's aware of that. However, some or even most people didn't know that the worry about crossing lines liked to go both ways in his mind. Telling him to never do an action without getting clear confirmation.

Silly, you thought affectionate as you leaned back into his arm. That's enough for him to let the weight become like another blanket on your shoulders. “Is this better?” You asked, doing your best keeping the obvious happiness in check.

Saeran nudged his head into the direction of the book. “I can't flip the page.. Can you use your other hand?” A second of silence filled the air, thereby he cleared his throat.

It set you into motion. “Oh- yeah! Of course.” Your hand came around the other side of the cover, holding it up for you both to be able to read what's standing inside. He thanked you quietly. Your nerves decided it's fun not playing to your rules as they tingled.

It's not common for Saeran to openly hold you close in any possible way. The most he did was whispering some compliments here and there when asking him about either looks or creations which contributed to your favorite hobbies. Or he took your hand when it's cold, or no eyes were around to pry.

You put in effort respecting the fact he's not the most romantic person in the world. So whenever he did make a move into some intimate way, it's as if you're suffering a small heart attack since it happens at random times throughout your days together.

Regardless how you found to each other, it's always a wonder when thinking back to the past and first meeting him in person. Saeran had been so intimidating due to this dark aura he carried paired with the fitting clothes for his too thin body. It took no work to come to the conclusion he's layered like the books he read.

To this day; there's this tendency for you to both treat him like fine china and also take a step back when there's a dangerously low thread of patience on his part, which occured less the longer you're together. Sadly they did happen and it would he stupid to deny they couldn't be scary.

He'd knew as well, there's no chance to hide secrets behind your back. No matter how well kept you believe they were, he somehow found out at the end of the day. Probably some superpowers he picked up along his way of a hacker.

You closed your eyes for a second, inhaling the rather fresh scent of his room and the shower gel he used after coming out of the bathroom earlier. In combination they got something leaving the happiness in your stomach grow higher. It's fine once you're together, also on the days which weren't all rosy and easy.

Recovery took time and when seeing his face focused on the book, there's still a drained touch to his young features. Something mature; a weary part in the back of his head never finding rest. He described it like a curse after having a nightmare once.

A curse caused by outsiders and their hidden or brutal honest intentions. You couldn't tell what's it like to be wounded that deeply, not to his extend. That's why you wished for him to take the time and lead in everything. It seemed only fair towards him.

You leaned your head against his shoulder and felt his muscles stiff at the unfamiliar physical contact. You prepared for him to ask you to stop, nothing of that kind bubbled up though as he just breathed through to calm his body again. It sent another wide smile over your lips.

Sad you're having no windows in the bunker, you're able to perceive the distant sound of rain hitting the earth. Saeran must've picked up on it too as he put his hand on your shoulder to pull you closer. “This damn underground is always so cold...”

He mumbled almost annoyed, making you snicker out. “I think it's fine.” You flipped the page for him after he wiggled the book, pushing your nose closer to his neck. “Under the covers together it's warm..” Saeran squeezed your shoulder instead of using words to agree.

The idea to read with him slowly shattered since the heavy bones of yours suddenly demanded attention. A yawn left your mouth while cuddling deeper under the covers. “Hm.. If I fall asleep just wake me.” He shouldn't have to deal with a stringing shoulder just because you got sleepy.

Saeran hummed shortly and your eyelashes fluttered shut, convincing yourself to only rest in his arm but ending up falling asleep shortly afterwards anyways. Saeran felt the breathing becoming slow and even against his body which was enough prove.

Licking his dry lips, he put down the book on his lap in order to at least read a little bit further. He had to give you back the book soon, he should finish it while you're not being whiny and get it over with right now. Yet the warmth of you was quite the distraction.

After a couple of attempts to read the next sentences, which ended miserably, he closed the book. Your face's wrinkle free as you're dreaming of a scenario Saeran couldn't see happening. He closed his own eyes, difference was he didn't fall asleep.

Cuddling you close in total silence while you're not there to witness anything gave him more confidence to melt into the warmth that's now under the covers and next to his side. Saeran rubbed his eyes before leaning his head onto yours.

He couldn't sleep in that position, it didn't matter though. This was one way for him to recharge if you're already aware or not. He ran his hand through his hair next before letting it fall and try to sync his breathing with yours. The rain the slight background noise in the room and Saeran's feeling safe for once.

[pink-envelope]

🍃Mys Mes gang shmokin the shweed🍃

Yoosung: Becomes even more needy if possible, you have to be at arms length at the farthest but will probably be hanging on you like a sloth. Tries to play LOLOL while baked and cant focus so he struggles to even join a server; gets in but immediately leaves because it's making him frustrated. Eats then falls asleep.

Jaehee: Heard it helps you relax so she gave it a try. OH GOD SHE IS SO ANXIOUS. She knew she shouldn't have done this, it's SO ILLEGAL, WHAT WAS SHE THINKING. Puts on one of her favorite of Zen's musicals to help ease her nerves but is paranoid her neighbors are going to KNOW she is high so she sets it to the lowest volume setting (all the way to 0) and curls up on the couch with out making a peep. She feels so stupid when it wears off.

Zen: Has done it a few times so he knows how it makes him feel and how to handle himself. Likes to smoke more socially, if you smoke with him he makes sure you have water and you're comfy like the mother hen he is. His personality is a little more amplified in that aspect, he's got this dopey smile and keeps telling you that he just thinks you're the best, you can do no wrong. Gets along with Jumin only when he's blazed.

Saeyoung: Doesn't like to be under the influence of any thing, be it weed or alcohol so I feel he'd not smoke BUT that's boring so let's say he did ever give it a try. WE GOT ANOTHER PARANOID MEMBER, he's not afraid of "getting caught" like Jaehee but he is afraid that some thing is going to happen that needs his direct hand in it and his loved ones are going to suffer because he CAN'T DO ANY THING RIGHT NOW. My head canon is that he has ADHD so he's a bit use to his brain not focusing on a tasks somes times but this is SO MUCH worse. He's stuck in a sitting position just panicked that some thing is going to happen and oh god how long has he been glued to his chair oh jesus. Vanderwood walks in on him and asks what the hell's the matter, 7 just says "Help". Never again.

Jumin: It's like a glass of wine to him, it's nice but he doesn't like the smoke/smell and Elizabeth doesn't like it either so he doesn't really do it unless it's a social thing to get chummy with a business partner. If he ever gets to it on his lonesome he's much like when he's drunk, which is to say almost indistinguishable from sober, but quieter. You wouldn't notice a difference unless you were close friends though, V definitely can.

V: SPEAKING OF V, he use to be a lot more fun and loose in inhibitions when he drank or smoked but not lately. He sits in an uncomfortable position for hours lamenting how stupid he is and all the mistakes he's made, if you're around for it he tells you that he's a shitty friend/person and that he doesn't deserve any thing good. Being under the influence of any thing makes him spiral and he wont be shedding tears but the crushed look on his face says it all. If you're going to be around him when he gets like this PLEASE hold this man, MY GOD.

Saeran: [THIS WILL BE UPDATED WHEN I PLAY HIS ROUTE.]

[rfaromance]

Seven cuddles? Under the stars?

"And that constellation is known as The Lion King."

"You're lying."

"Me? Lie?"

Saeyoung turned his head towards you, gasping dramatically. You rolled your eyes and in retaliation, gave him a light punch on his arm before resting your head back on his shoulder. "You think that if you say anything with confidence, I'll just fall for it."

"Well, it always seems to work on Yoosung," he pointed out.

You chuckled softly and turned your eyes back to the sky. Deciding to give him a taste of his own medicine, you boldly proclaimed, "Well, I happen to know more about the stars than you think. For example, I know... that constellation is the Lunar Rabbit!"

You felt a gentle pinch on your cheeks. "Wouldn't the Lunar Rabbit be in the moon? Everyone knows there's a rabbit on the moon," he replied smugly, his lips curled into a very satisfied grin.

Pouting now, you sat up and tried to wriggle free of his grasp, but before you could get far enough away he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you into his lap. "Aww, come on, kitten. Don't leave yet." His tone rose a couple of octaves at the end of his plea, and you barely managed to suppress a giggle as you heard the whine slip into his voice.

"No more tricks, then!" you huffed. "Just... lay here with me for a minute."

He nodded in agreement, and you tilted your head back to get a look at his eyes. No mischief in his gaze for once; he was being sincere as he pulled you in a little tighter and ghosted your cheek with a gentle kiss.

The two of you laid back down together, you resting your head on his chest as he began to stroke the back of your head. Suddenly, though, he shifted his position and dragged you along with him, until your ear was resting right on top of his heart.

"In such a vast universe," Saeyoung murmured, "full of countless galaxies that are light-years apart... how did I get lucky enough to be on this planet, at this time, in the right place, to be able to meet you?"

His words were calm, but his chest was beating rapidly, so much that you could almost feel your cheek beginning to pound in rhythm with his heart.

"Because I'm your guardian angel," you whispered, raising your head to lean into his ear. "And no matter where or when you are in the universe, I will find you."

[multi-lefaiye]

💬💬💬 and pen for eden!!!!!

yes thank u <3 heheeeee

okay so the first excerpt is gonna be from one of my flash fiction friday entries, a tftgs fic specifically:

For much of his life, Jack has felt like a used battery. He feels like an old, broken thing, low on energy and with very little left to give. He supposes it was only a matter of time before someone decided to throw him out.

and thiiis is from an older thing i wrote that i might go back to at some point?? not sure though. not gonna give context for now tho <3 (if you recognize the characters. don't look me in the eye rn i know this is self-indulgent):

“Did you just shoot someone!?” Saeyoung cried, still clearly panicking.

“I don’t know, maybe?” Addison replied, trying to drag him along as they tried to avoid looking in the direction they'd just fired. “Just get in the car, asshole!”

“Sorry, I kind of have a bullet in me right now!” he protested, but still did his best to get to his feet. “I told you to stay in the car!”

“Have your goddamn lovers’ quarrel later!” Vanderwood yelled at them over the sound of gunfire raining down on them all.

and theeen this is for another slightly older thing, but i like the comedy here :3

For a moment, Henry just stared at the unconscious man on his living room floor. Then he asked the question that was nagging at the back of his mind. “Why the fuck is he naked?”

AND a little Eden conversation!!! I'm gonna talk a bit about something I haven't talked about publicly in much detail: Eden's chronic pain and fatigue. I haven't talked about it in Great detail because I'm still trying to research n' such to make sure that my portrayal is as faithful and respectful as I can make it.

I won't go into how it's going to come into play story-wise in the campaign, nor the mechanics and accommodations and such planned for this, but I'll talk a bit about it! Under the cut though b/c this might be a bit long.

So Eden's mother, Hannah, dealt with chronic illness for most of her life. In the campaign, it's kind of an ambiguous illness because she wouldn't have had access to modern terminology (or even really a specific diagnosis in general, considering the healthcare available where she lived), but I think the closest to what she has would be fibromyalgia, which is what I'm focusing my research on for Eden.

(And also, if I do go ahead and write a standalone story/WIP with Eden outside of the campaign, this will be discussed and explored in greater detail since the focus would be on him specifically a bit more.)

The research I've done so far does say that fibromyalgia isn't always necessarily passed directly from parent to child, but I'm thinking it's still something that Eden has, and after his death and resurrection his symptoms start to flare up in a way they wouldn't have beforehand.

Like I said, I am still doing research into this because I want to give the most earnest, respectful portrayal I can, but I do still have some thoughts about Eden's personal experiences with it and how he processes it. Because Eden's thought process is my favorite thing to explore.

So Eden approaches everything in his life from a very analytical perspective, so once he registers that his symptoms aren't normal he immediately goes into analysis mode and tries to determine, to an incredibly exact degree, what his limits are. He's a scientist at heart, and his response to every situation is to experiment and learn everything he can.

This will have... mixed results for him. On one hand, over time, Eden will come to understand his condition very well, even without necessarily having access to a specific diagnosis in the campaign itself. On the other hand, it also means that Eden is going to push himself a TON and possibly seriously hurt himself trying to see how far he can go before he has issues.

I'm still looking into specific accommodations Eden could have as time goes on, but I'm definitely thinking mobility aids would be very useful for him--particularly forearm support crutches, if possible.

And last thing I do wanna say. While it might be easy to assume that, all things considered, Eden would be very against the idea of using mobility aids b/c he's just so stubborn.... that's not the case! Eden is a stubborn li'l asshole, but once he understands his limits better I do think he would want mobility aids and would actively seek them out.

Aaanyway okay I still have a lot of research n' such to be doing, but that's some of my thoughts so far!!! Thanks for coming to my ted talk