#just went to his best friend's house to recover and then hung around his gardens

[navree]

suetonius randomly blurting out that whenever augustus got sick he liked to stay at maecenas’s home over anything else..............why the fuck would you say that suetonius. why.

[christ0pher-evans]

Shattered Heart

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader Warnings: Angst / Cheating / Mentions of Sex  Word Count: 1.9k 

A/N: I never usually write RPF angst fics, only fluff or smut, but I was drowning in many of my drafted smutty stories (not a bad thing) and I felt like I needed to clear my head with something different. I had this idea and Chris was the best fit. If you don’t feel comfortable reading RPF then please don’t! Based on ‘I love you’ by Billie Eilish. Please reblog and like🖤

 ♡

PRESENT DAY Laying in bed, wrapped tightly in Chris’ arms and listening to his soft snores over your shoulder was your confirmation that it was the weekend. Any other day you would be waking up alone, Chris already long gone and busy working. You shifted carefully before sliding out of his gentle grip, putting on your oversized jumper which was discarded on the floor from last night. 

Once you were downstairs and waiting for the pot of coffee to finish, your gaze lingered on the big garden to your home; the hammock that held a blanket from summer evening cuddles, Dodger’s toys flung carelessly from energetic play dates and the makeshift bar that you had built together for the parties you always hosted. All things that highlight the life that you and Chris had started together seven years ago. Smiling to yourself and caught in your memories, you didn’t even hear Chris coming down the stairs. You only realised his presence across the kitchen once you turned around. Taking him in quickly, you noticed a look of anguish fixed on his face. 

“It’s not true, tell me I’ve been lied to”

“Babe, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!”

Upon trying to approach him, to check he was alright, he hastily stepped away as if he was frightened from your touch. Looking away from you, he stayed silent. 

“Chris?”

Now, you were airing on the edge of nervous, genuinely worried something bad had happened but something was also telling you to stay put, to not move closer to him. You kept your distance, leaning against the breakfast bar for support against the unknown. 

“Y/N, I… I have to tell you something.” 

Sick rushed to your throat at the tone of his voice; coarse and frightened. You stayed quiet, too scared to ask him to continue. 

“Last night..” he took a deep breath, “last night, at the work dinner, before I came home; I kissed someone else.” 

Chris took another deep breath before he looked up. You were already looking at him, tears building in your eyes. Gripping the edge of the counter, you bit your lip and took a shaky breath, too afraid to do anything else incase you collapsed from the utter heartbreak washing over you. 

“Y/N, please say something.”

The sound of Chris speaking startled you, suddenly conscious of how long you’d been frozen, practically in suspended animation. Your ethereal bubble of love and adoration abruptly shattered, even the sound of his voice was making you shudder. 

Deep down, you were burning with rage, but your voice only came out as a whisper, “Tell me it’s not true, tell me you’re lying.”

You pleaded, praying and begging that this was some horrible practical joke that he wanted to play on you. 

“I - I’m not lying..”

“So, just to be clear, you went to a work dinner when you knew that I would be spending the fifth night in a row, in our home, eating alone-?” 

Chris went to interrupt but you weren’t finished. You were determined to get your point across before you crumbled. 

“-You went out and kissed someone that wasn’t me and then came home to me, sat and had wine with me and then made love to me but didn’t have the respect for me to tell me the truth the second you walked in the door last night?!” Staring at Chris, you felt the first tears drop onto your flushed cheeks. You didn’t mean to sound so harsh but when everything was fracturing around you, your emotions were the last thing you were trying to control. 

“Up all night on another red eye, I wish we never learned to fly” 

THREE YEARS AGO “Chris, I thought you said you were going to be home this week? It’s our four year anniversary!” You sighed into your wine as you sat eating dinner with him one Sunday evening. 

“Sweetheart, I’m sorry but they want to squeeze in a week of location shooting, it was a last minute decision.” 

You flicked the contents of your dinner round your plate, sad at the thought of another week at home alone. As an editor for a fashion magazine, you could do a lot of work from your home office therefore you’d already told your boss that you were working at home all week to spend time with Chris. In these situations you were so grateful to have an understanding and flexible job but frustrated to have such an in-demand and famous boyfriend. Sitting in silence with Chris, you couldn’t help but feel like this was another nail in the proverbial coffin that was your relationship. 

“Come with me!” Chris blurted out nervously. “You were working from home this week anyway, why not just work from London?” 

Your heart felt warm suddenly. The idea of spending a week in London with Chris was exciting and the sense of feeling wanted squashed your previous anxiety. 

“Of course I’ll come with you, if you want me there?” 

Chris leaned forward, reaching out and pulling your face to his, lips gently brushing against yours as he whispered, “There is nowhere that I could be in this world where I wouldn’t want you by my side, ever.” With that, he caught your lips in a bruising kiss. 

SIX MONTHS AGO “Chris..” you sigh, holding your phone away from your ear so he doesn’t hear the sob that escapes your lips. “I just don’t think that flying me halfway across the country will fix these problems!” 

You were exhausted with fighting a losing battle. You played with the loose tendrils of hair that had fallen around your face, waiting for his reply, wondering if he understood your hidden rejection of his offer. 

“Y/N, you can’t tell me that you want to see me and sort our problems out in person but moan when I offer a perfectly valid solution! I know I’m away a lot at the moment, but your job is so flexible, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just come with me in the first place!” 

You involuntarily groan, irked by what Chris had thought was a perfectly acceptable compromise. He had missed the point completely. Flying from state to state, hell even country to country for the past six months just to get an iota of time with your husband was taxing, it was also forcing you to surrender your own life to follow his. All you wanted was for Chris to understand the sacrifice you’d been making. 

“Okay Chris, I’ll book my flights now. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You sighed, disconnecting the phone call and slamming your phone on the sofa in frustration. 

Reflecting back on the past few years, you felt ashamed at your naivety with Chris. You had taken everything with a pinch of salt because you could only imagine how difficult it was for Chris to uphold a relationship, let alone a marriage, with his career, so you were happy to make a small sacrifice if it resulted in spending time with Chris but now you realised, you were sacrificing everything for his happiness, not yours. 

“Cryin' isn’t like you” 

PRESENT DAY The words you had spoken hung over the room like a dark cloud. You knew you were being heinous before you’d given him a chance to explain but you were heartbroken. Your fingers skimmed your lips, disgusted that they’d entwined with Chris’s after he had kissed another woman, disgusted that they had begged him for release as you made love after he had kissed another woman. 

As you wiped your own tears from your eyes, you noticed tears spilling from Chris’s eyes. Your body went rigid - you had only seen Chris cry a handful of times. The feeling of sympathy and guilt should have been foreign to you in this situation but you felt pain from his misery. You could see the torment in his eyes, and you knew that he was angry with himself for hurting you; maybe, just maybe you could sort this out and salvage your marriage. 

“Shouldn’t I be the one that’s crying?” You tried to make light of the problem but recoiled at the distastefulness of your question. 

Moving to the now well-brewed pot of coffee, you poured two mugs before placing one at the other side of the breakfast bar for Chris, a symbolic waving of the white flag. You sat down, anxiously waiting to see if Chris would follow, hoping that you could sort this out like adults and maybe try to recover your trust and your marriage. That’s what you wanted, right?

“Maybe we should just try, to tell ourselves a good lie” 

You took the first sip of your second cup of coffee, still sitting in silence. You had been pondering with how to start the conversation but was admittedly hoping Chris would instigate it. Looking like that wasn’t going to happen, you tore off the bandaid and asked the question you had been dreading finding out the answer to. 

“So, can you start from the beginning and tell me what happened? I think I need to understand what transpired before we move forward.” You spoke calmly, channelling your nerves into picking at your nail varnish. Distracted by the chipped pattern on your nails, you were startled when Chris spoke up. 

“So, um, obviously you and me, we’ve been dealing with what feels like a long distance relationship; even though we live in the same house.” Chris paused from a moment, and you thought he was going to start crying again. You had to look down into your coffee, scared that if you started crying also, you wouldn’t stop. 

“Not that we haven’t handled that before, but this time it felt different, it felt worse. I know it’s not your fault Y/N and it’s not mine either, our jobs are so demanding but I was just feeling so alone.” 

Your heart was shattered at Chris’ confession. Knowing that you were both hurting from the same issue but keeping it to yourselves, it seemed absurd. 

“She was always there. I saw her every day at work, definitely for many more hours than I was seeing you each day, and she is nice. She became my friend and my comfort.”  

Now you felt like you’d been stabbed through the heart. Hearing Chris talk about another woman being everything you thought you were to him crushed you. How could you ever trust him again when he chose another woman to confide in?

“We get on really well, and um, whilst we were waiting outside the restaurant for our taxis, it just sort of.. happened.” 

The rest of the conversation passed by like a bad dream. Remembering snippets of trying to stay calm as Chris told you he made the first move, screaming at Chris when he told you he would still see her at work every day and crying into his shoulder when you admitted you wasn’t sure if this marriage  had a future. 

Chris had left hours ago to stay at a friends house to give you some space. You glanced at the tissues surrounding you - reminders of the tortuous day - as if you were looking for the answers among them. Wiping your puffy eyes for the final time, you waited for something, or someone, to make the decision for you. 

Now, it felt like the quiet at the end of a storm. Like your nightmare had come full circle. You sat in the same spot, alone. 

Part Two: Troubled Heart

[cozy-the-overlord]

Severed

Sequel to Attached

Summary: When the Council sends Sydaya to retrieve the tesseract, she's forced to confront an old friend she thought she'd never see again.

Word Count: 5,130

Pairing: Loki x OFC

A/N: I've been wanting to write a sequel to Attached for a long time now-- almost since I first posted it-- but I had been holding off because I didn't think anyone would be interested in such a sequel. Attached isn't exactly one of my more popular fics, and I felt like my time would be better spent finishing projects I knew people wanted to read. But nearly a year later, I decided to just go for it, and I'm really glad I did because this was some of the most fun I've had writing a story for a long time. I guess I'll consider it an early birthday present to myself lmao. 

Thanks for reading!

Warnings: None, I think? It’s basically the first Avengers movie, but with a Jedi running around on the helicarrier lol.

Tags: @lucywrites02 @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @the-emo-asgardian @imnotrevealingmyname

If you want to be tagged, feel free to send an ask/message :)

Read it on Ao3!

The starfighter set down against the helicarrier with a jolt, just barely within the white lines the control tower had directed her between. Sydaya winced. She had never been particularly good at landings. Given the circumstances, she supposed it could have been much worse, but still, she found herself pressing the lantern charm on her necklace against between her fingers.

Just breathe. It’s all going to be okay. Just breathe.

A team of SHEILD marshallers was already rushing forward to strap her ship down as she climbed out of the cockpit. Even with everything going on, Sydaya fought the urge to laugh. Shortly after her assignment, her old master had given her a quick briefing on Terran culture and technology, with strict instructions to not allow her judgement to show.

“The Terrans may be a bit … behind the times,” he said hesitantly. “But they are a very proud people. Be careful not to offend them. This situation is delicate enough already.”

And so Sydaya bit her lip, even though the idea of a carrier with an outdoor hanger but without gravity locks seemed like something out of a history data-tape.

A man was awaiting her at the entrance, wearing the same navy-blue jumpsuit and neutral expression as every other SHIELD agent she’d come across—although, he did do a visible double take as she approached.

“Sydaya Clepar?” he asked, frowning at his tablet.

Sydaya forced a smile. “Yes, sir.” She managed to hold her expression even as he turned back to her, peering at her as if she were a chicken claiming to be a swan.

“You’re the one the Jedi Council sent?” he asked again.

The muscles in her face were beginning to hurt. “Yes, sir,” she said. “Can you take me to Director Fury, please?”

After another suspicion-laced glare, the agent finally seemed to concede. “This way.”

Sydaya heaved a quiet sigh of relief.

It wasn’t really his fault, she told herself as she followed him through the hallways of the helicarrier. When people were told to expect a Jedi, their minds went to wizened old men with scraggly beards and wrinkled cheeks hidden under the hoods of their robes. Who could blame them for being confused when they got a skinny little snip of a girl instead? Sydaya knew she was young, and it didn’t help that she had always been short for her age. Any normal person would wonder at her qualifications. Honestly, Sydaya herself had been wondering at her qualifications for this mission, although her age had little to do with it.

The bridge was bustling with movement—people hurrying from one place to the next, shouting coordinates and orders and all sorts of things as their thoughts raced through their tasks. It was chaos, but it was a familiar chaos—almost reminiscent of life on a Jedi cruiser. Sydaya felt herself relax a bit.

See? Just get through this quickly, and everything will be back to normal.

��Commander Clepar?”

Sydaya turned to find herself facing a shorter, middle-aged man with a receding hairline, the only person around to be wearing a suit instead of jumpsuit. He gave her an enthusiastic smile.

“Are you Director Fury?” she asked, even though she was fairly certain she knew the answer. Based on what she had heard of the director of SHIELD, he didn’t strike her as a smiley type.

“No.” He extended his hand, and after an awkward moment Sydaya realized he expected her to take it. When she did, he gave it a firm shake. “I’m Coulson. Agent Phil Coulson. Fury asked me to get you up to date.” He grinned. “I’ve never met a Jedi knight before.”

Sydaya swallowed. Right. She was a knight now. She still couldn’t get used to that. Everything had happened so fast—her trials had been completed in a whirlwind two months, her ceremony shoehorned in right before she was dispatched to Ryloth to aid Republic troops against the Separatist blockade. She still found herself reaching for the clump of hair where her padawan braid had once hung.

But that was irrelevant now. Sydaya cleared her throat.

“Can you explain the situation to me?” she asked, summoning her most professional, Jedi-knight voice. “I’m afraid I wasn’t told very much.”

“Well, we haven’t located the tesseract yet, but it should be easy enough to track down,” he assured her. “It emits a very recognizable gamma signature—we’ve got our best man working on it right now. Bruce Banner, have you heard of him?”

She shook her head. “I’m afraid not.”

“Well, he knows what he’s doing. He’ll find it soon enough. But we do have the Asgardian in custody.”

“Yes.” Her mouth suddenly felt quite dry. “Yes, I was informed of that.”

She had thought she must have been dreaming when Master Windu had pulled up the hologram of Loki Odinson marching through the streets of Terra, wearing the same golden helmet he had once mockingly plopped on her head after they snuck away to the gardens from a particularly tedious meeting.

You should try wearing it into battle sometime. It suits you.

Sydaya had swatted at him and called him a name—something playful and stupid, something she couldn’t quite remember anymore. She had been trying to forget the events leading up to last year—she didn’t want to forget, but it hurt to remember, and it was useless to cause herself pain over something that she couldn’t change. There is no emotion, there is peace. It was a lie, but it was such a pretty lie, and it was easier to repeat over and over again in her head than to admit that all she really wanted was one last chance to see the only person she had ever wanted to hold.

Perhaps she should have been careful what she wished for.

Her mission was not about Loki. Really, it had very little to do with him. The Council was concerned with what he possessed—infinity stones were nothing to be trifled with. They hadn’t been happy with the Terran organization SHEILD housing the tesseract to begin with, and the events of the past few days had only proved their concerns. Sydaya was to work with SHEILD to recover the gem and to return it to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant at all costs. Only then would both it and the galaxy be secure.

Sydaya barely heard these orders. She could only watch the looping hologram, watch the emaciated ghost of the boy she had thought was lost forever.

She told them that she couldn’t accept this assignment. As the Council was surely aware of, she was too personally involved—she wasn’t sure she could trust herself to remain emotionally detached from the situation. In all honesty, she had been shocked that they had attempted to give it to her in the first place.

That’s when Master Windu told her that she didn’t have a choice.

“In order to send a Jedi into the Nine Realms, we require the Asgardian royal family’s consent,” he said. “You are the only Jedi to whom they would allow passage.”

Sydaya was stunned. “Me?” she whispered. “Why?”

“They didn’t say.” Even through the hologram, she could feel the way Master Windu was studying her face. “But I trust you will treat this mission with the solemnity and maturity that we would expect from a knight.”

The message was clear. Get ahold of yourself.

Sydaya swallowed. Without realizing it, she clutched at the lantern charm around her neck. The roughness of the broken glass scratched against her fingers like sandpaper.

Just so you don’t forget me, what with all the attractive princes you run into.

“I will, Masters,” she said. “You have my word.”

On the helicarrier, she tucked the necklace underneath her robes. She probably shouldn’t have been wearing it at all—somehow, she felt that wearing a gift from the criminal she would soon be interrogating wasn’t treating the mission with the “solemnity and maturity” Master Windu expected—but she couldn’t bring herself to take it off.

Agent Coulson was still talking. “There was a bit of a fuss, but for the most part, he surrendered willingly,” he continued. “The cell where we’re holding him is incredibly secure—you know, it was originally designed for—”

“Sydaya!”

The booming voice surprised her, even though it shouldn’t have been entirely unexpected. Sydaya turned to see the familiar titan of a man making his way towards her across the bridge. She bowed. “Prince Thor.”

The Asgardian took her hand in his and pressed a light kiss to her knuckles. “It is good to see you, my lady. Congratulations on your knighthood.”

Sydaya frowned. “How did you know about that?” She hadn’t been in contact with Thor or any of his family since Loki’s funeral over a year ago.

“My mother told me.” It was a subtle confirmation that Queen Frigga had been keeping tabs on her Jedi career, just as her master had predicted. Sydaya tried to swallow the awful feeling rising in her stomach. Thor continued. “How have you been fairing?”

She inhaled. “About the same. And you?”

He sighed. It was strange— while she had been staying on Asgard, Thor’s defining characteristic had always been his childishness. He saw everything as a conquest refusing to look at a situation from any perspective other than his own and throwing a fit when the rest of the world wouldn’t bend to his desires. And yet here he was, only a year later, looking decades older and oceans more somber.

“It is difficult,” he finally said. “I wish to be overjoyed that he is alive, and of course I am, but …” He shook his head. “He’s not the brother I remember.”

Sydaya’s breath caught in her throat. This was beginning to sound like what her old master had told her before she left, the warning he had left her with …

Her eyes burned, and she blinked, quick to push the memory far away from her thoughts. She couldn’t revisit that conversation. Not now.

“Has he said anything about the tesseract?” she asked. “Or why he’s interested in it?” It was a question that she had yet to hear anyone ask, but that had been nonetheless floating through her head ever since she had walked out of her briefing. Why? The Loki she knew cared little for rulership and had no interest in domination. What happened to him in the last year? Why had he suddenly become so power hungry?

But Thor only shook his head. “Nothing at all. He has said nothing but that which to taunt us. I fear he is completely beyond reason.”

Sydaya gulped. This was the part she had been dreading. “Perhaps I should talk to him then. Maybe he’d be more willing to talk with—” With a friend? But that’s not what you are anymore, are you? She bit her tongue, her mouth flooding with the metallic taste of blood. “With someone more removed from the situation.”

“I can arrange that,” Agent Coulson offered. “Just give me a sec.” As he went off to speak with another agent at a computer, Thor turned back to her with a concerned frown.

“He’s not the same, my lady” he cautioned. “I doubt speaking with him will help anything.”

Sydaya shrugged, hoping the prince couldn’t see how tense her shoulders had become. “I’ve faced worse,” she said with false levity. “Besides, I have orders. I’ll be alright.”

Down the hall, Coulson waved her over. “This way.”

…

The cell in which they were holding Loki was … different. It was, at its base, a large, glass cylinder suspended over an air chute by four mechanical fixtures—a safety net, as Coulson referred to it.

“If he touches the glass with any kind of force, the whole thing drops,” he explained eagerly. “So you don’t have to worry about him trying anything.”

Sydaya swallowed. “I wasn’t.”

Her heart was thudding as she made her way down the hallway, so loud she was certain everyone on the whole damn ship could hear it.

There is no emotion, there is peace.

She wondered if there would ever be a day where the code rang true in her mind.

The figure in the cell was lounging on the bench, head back, eyes closed, black hair slicked into spiky curls cascading over his shoulders. He laughed as she approached. The sound was hard and cold, and yet so familiar it hurt.

“Come back for more already? Or do you—” Loki’s voice cut out abruptly when he turned to face her. For a moment, Sydaya forgot how to breath.

Because it was Loki. Living, breathing, solid Loki. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but with all the warnings, all the somberly whispered words describing some unrecognizable madman, it seemed impossible that it would be Loki, her Loki, awaiting her in that cage.

That’s not to say he looked well. He had aged since she saw him last—there was a hollowness to his cheeks, a tension to his shoulders that hadn’t been there before. When he stood, his movement was stilted, rigid, lacking every bit of the easy fluidity she had always associated with him. The fire that once blazed behind his eyes seemed to have been dulled to weary coals.

And there was something else too, something that only became apparent once the jolt of seeing him again had faded. The two of them were alone in this airshaft prison and yet, through the Force, Sydaya could feel a third being—something cold and rotting, wafting in and out the cell and clinging to Loki’s form like a leech. The hairs on her arms stood straight up. Sydaya had never before been in the presence of the dark side of the Force, but she knew enough to recognize it in an instant. She recoiled without thinking.

On the other side of the glass, Loki seemed shocked into silence. He stared at her as if she were an apparition returned from the dead, approaching like some half-starved predator as his eyes remained locked on hers.

“No,” he finally whispered. It felt almost like a growl. “No, this is a trick. The Council wouldn’t send you. You’re too involved.”

Sydaya tried to swallow the cyclone of emotion bubbling at her throat, but her mouth felt too dry.

“They didn’t want to,” she managed at last, voice flat. “Your parents wouldn’t allow anyone else.”

“My parents.” Loki turned away, looking out through the wall at something that seemed to appear only in his mind’s eye. He exhaled a humorless laugh. “So is this their attempt at pacification?” he asked. “Are they scrounging up all of my old acquaintances in hopes that one might be able to reason with the madman?”

“Loki—”

“In all honesty, I’m surprised you even accepted the invitation, Padawan,” he said, his tone taking on a much more purposeful edge as he began pacing the length of his cell. “Seeing as our last conversation seemed too much for you to handle.”

His words hit her like a slap to the face. Her own echoed through her mind.

I can’t do this.

It must have showed in her expression because his leering grin only widened.

“How shall it be, Padawan?” he asked, crowding against the glass. “How long before you run from me again? I do hope your code allows you to stay for the grand finale this time—you missed the whole show before, and I must say it was quite the thrilling experience—”

“Loki stop.” To her surprise, he did. It was taking everything in her to hold herself steady. Sydaya pressed her fingernails into the palms of her hands. He wasn’t being fair and he knew he wasn’t being fair, which cut even deeper. That last time they spoke, in the gardens of Asgard … didn’t he realize how many nights she had lain awake, replaying that conversation back in her mind over and over again until she could hardly see straight? Didn’t he know how the words she didn’t say that day now haunted her every waking moment? Or did he only want to torture her more?

That awful, malevolent presence seemed to be pulsing around them, flexing with every dagger he spat at her, beaming every time they landed. She inhaled. This isn’t himself. You know he’s not himself. Pull yourself together.

“I’m here for the tesseract,” she said, tone so devoid of emotion that even Master Windu would have been impressed.

Loki laughed again, even more dryly than before. “Of course you are.” He returned to his pacing. “Well, as I’m sure your Midgardian stooges would be overjoyed to tell you, I don’t have it. I’m afraid you’ll have to look elsewhere.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

Loki raised his eyebrows as if scandalized. “Are you saying you wish to search me, Padawan?” Smirking, he stretched his arms out, as if expecting an embrace. “By all means, go ahead, although I imagine it would be a difficult situation to explain to your masters—”

“Who’s making you do this?” she interjected. Her words had an immediate effect. Loki’s smile dropped. All at once, the room went cold. It was only for a moment, but the façade he had been holding around himself ever since she had walked in cracked, and for a split second she could feel it, overwhelming all her senses— his sheer, unmitigated fear.

He was terrified.

It broke her heart.

Sydaya pressed her hand to the glass, even as he turned away from her.

“I know you, Loki,” she whispered to his back. “You never wanted to be king—you told me so yourself, remember? I know this interest in the tesseract isn’t yours.” She waited, but he said nothing. The Force twisted around them again, but this time she almost heard something too, dark, growling words not meant for her ears.

“Who’s here?” she asked sharply. “Who’s listening right now? Who’s making you do this, Loki?”

“Stop!” He whipped around, chest heaving, eyes wild. “You don’t know anything,” he snapped. “Not about me. Not even in the slightest.”

Sydaya leaned against the glass, wishing she could hold him, soothe him. “Then tell me.”

He sank back against the bench. For a moment, it seemed nothing else existed—just Loki staring at the floor, and Sydaya staring at him. He laughed softly, shaking his head even as he pressed his hands to his temple.

When he looked up, there were tears pooling in his eyes. “You really shouldn’t have come, ‘Daya.”

She didn’t have the chance to respond before the explosion rocked the entire helicarrier.

…

When her old master had popped into her quarters before she left for Terra, Sydaya had known he had something more important on his mind than explaining how Terrans used metal bullets in their firearms and greeted each other by shaking hands. She had listened and nodded to everything he had to say as she sat hunched in her desk chair, chewing through the inside of her cheek as she waited for him to reach his point. She didn’t need the Force to tell her that it wasn’t good.

It had taken him a while to work up to it. But finally, he inhaled, fixing her with a serious glare from where he sat on her bed.

“‘Daya,” he said. “I want to make sure that you understand what’s at stake here. The tesseract—all the infinity stones— they contain a power that no one in this galaxy can ever truly harness. Alone, they’re volatile and dangerous. In the wrong hands, they have the capacity for mass destruction.”

Sydaya had frowned. She knew this, of course—every youngling knew about the infinity stones. “Why are you telling me this?”

He hesitated. “I know Loki was your friend. But you have to realize that that’s gone. He has the tesseract, and it’s clear he’s got his mind set on devastation. You must not allow that to happen.”

“I understand—”

“Do you?” her master asked. “Because you’re being sent in alone—no backup, no reinforcements, no one but yourself to rely on. And there may be a point where you’ll have to make a difficult decision.” He paused. “Sydaya, you must secure the tesseract. At any cost.”

It took a moment for the full meaning of his words to sink in. When they did, Sydaya felt as if she was going to be sick.

“It won’t come to that,” she whispered. It couldn’t. “I’m sure of it.”

He didn’t say anything for a bit, eyeing her with something in between apprehension and pity. “You know why Asgard demanded only you on this mission, don’t you?” he finally asked. “Frigga realizes this as well as I do. She knows that any Jedi sent to Terra poses a risk to her son. She chose the one knight she believes won’t be able to do what’s necessary to defuse the situation.” He stood to leave, holding her in the severity of his gaze. “Millions of lives are at stake, ‘Daya. Don’t let your emotions get the better of you.”

His words rang through her mind even louder than the blaring alarms as she rushed through the hallways of the helicarrier. They were under attack—that much was abundantly clear. She gripped her the hilt of her lightsaber, ready to ignite it at a moment’s notice, but she seemed to be alone in the corridor. Still, she could sense the attack unfolding elsewhere on the ship, felt the bloodshed even as another explosion rattled the ground beneath her feet. A woman’s garbled voice pierced the air from a speaker on the ceiling.

“Perimeter breach—hostiles in SHIELD gear—”

Sydaya kept running, searching frantically for a ladder or a staircase or some other way to reach the outdoor hanger. For that had to be the key—how else would hostiles have been able to infiltrate a ship flying over 40,000 feet above the planet’s crust? They had to have a smaller ship of their own, one they were able to land on the helicarrier without issue due to the nature of an open hanger and the lack of gravity locks.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She had to get to the hanger. It was the only way they could have entered the ship, and thus the only way they could exit alive. Cut off their escape route, and they would be trapped.

The intercom crackled with more voices, most of them too distorted to make out. She caught only one name before the entire system cut out.

Loki.

She shouldn’t have left him. Releasing him was surely the assailants’ target—knowing Loki, he probably planned the whole damn thing himself. Leaving his side had been a mistake, and she knew it, but instinct had taken over in the moment and she had rushed off to find out what was happening.

It didn’t matter. As long as she got to the hanger in time, it didn’t matter.

Sydaya had just made it to a ladder when the second engine cut out. She was barely able to register the lack of the familiar hum when the whole carrier began tipping forward.

“Shit!”

She managed to scramble up the shaft before she went careening down the hallway, but the ship was losing altitude, and fast.

The hanger. Now.

Grunting, Sydaya pulled herself up the rungs. I’m not dying on this farce of a mission. Not today.

The door at the top of the passage was locked. She only tried pushing at it once before reaching for the lightsaber at her waist.

The door flew from its hinges, metal glowing orange with heat as it clattered down the front of the carrier. She pulled herself through the opening and nearly went flying after it—the wind smacked her like a sucker punch, beating her so hard that it felt as if her head would be ripped from her shoulders. She clung to the hilt until her knuckles turned white, focusing on the soothing beam of energy pulsing through the Force from the crystal within as she fought to find her balance atop the failing fortress.

There is no death, there is the Force.

She pushed on. Loki was near—she could feel him, feel the anxious chaos convulsing through his mind as he hurried forward. He was almost at his ship …

Sydaya found him around the corner of the watchtower. He spun around almost as soon she did, eyes crazed as they met hers. He yelled something she couldn’t hear over the roar of the wind in her ears.

The SHIELD-attired accomplices flanking him fired at her, but she dodged their bullets without issue. She grasped the Force around her and flung towards them in one giant push, hoping to knock them off their feet.

It almost worked. The fake SHIELD agents tumbled backwards, but Loki used his scepter to brace himself, maintaining his balance. It was only then that Sydaya noticed the crimson liquid staining the tip.

Blood. He’d killed someone.

The realization turned her insides to ice.

Loki threw a blast of blue energy at her from the scepter. Sydaya almost didn’t duck in time—she could feel the heat singe the tips of her hair as she rolled under it. He hissed and lunged forward, almost bringing the scepter down on her head, but she blocked with her lightsaber and pushed him back. His Force-infused gold hissed as it collided with her blade, but it didn’t break. Their weapons locked together as they pressed against each other.

“Loki—” she choked. It shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t have to be like this. “Loki, it’s not too late—”

He sneered, ashen skin stretching too thin across his face. “Yes it is.”

He ripped himself from her, whipping around to shoot another blast at her in close range. She caught it with the Force, straining to hold it still in the air before her.

She had done this before, on the battlefield, stopping blaster charges in midair and throwing them back at her unexpecting assailant. It was a trick she had picked up from her master, back when the war had just begun, when she had first been assigned his padawan. At this point, it was practically second nature.

All she needed was to push.

Loki seemed to be frozen. He stared at her wide-eyed, searching her very soul as he waited for what happened next.

Sydaya’s wrist was shaking.

You must secure the tesseract. At any cost.

She hadn’t lied when she told her master she understood. If Loki were to escape here, he’d continue on his errand to deliver up the tesseract to whatever dark force held him in its grasp. He wasn’t her friend anymore. He was a threat to the galaxy at large.

But when she looked at him, she saw only the boy under the ash tree in the gardens of Asgard, laughing as he tried to talk her through creating her first illusion.

Frigga was right.

The blast hit Sydaya right in the gut. Her vision went white, the pain that exploded across her torso so sharply overwhelming that she didn’t even notice when she hit the floor.

Her lungs were on fire.

Loki was standing over her. When he had made his way over to her, she wasn’t sure, but there he was, looking down at her as she choked out bloodstained gasps on the hanger floor. The scepter in his fist glowed brilliant blue.

Sydaya whimpered.

Finish it. It’s over, just finish it.

But he didn’t move in for the kill. He just stood there, stock still, staring down at her with an expression that she couldn’t quite read.

Sydaya didn’t understand until he knelt beside her to reach for the little green lantern that dangled from her neck. His fingers shook as he cupped it in his hand, mesmerized. For a moment, it seemed he was about to rip the chain from her neck. The thought made her eyes swim with tears.

Please don’t take it, Loki. It’s all I have left, please don’t take it.

But he didn’t. He set the charm down against her collarbone painfully slow, as if he was afraid to break it. When he turned back towards her, his lip was trembling, his eyes glossy.

His fingers brushed her cheek, cupping her face with such restraint that it seemed he was afraid to break her too. His hand was cold. It felt nice against the fever burning under her skin.

Sleep.

The voice was Loki’s, but it didn’t come from his lips. It floated through her mind, soft and soothing and impossible to ignore.

Sleep.

Her eyes drifted close, the fire in her veins slowly washing away as the world faded to blackness.

…

Sydaya woke up surrounded by white.

She was in a bed, hidden by a curtain. Voices rang through her ears in a steady hum as footsteps shuffled back and forth around her. The scent of antiseptic stung her nostrils.

A hospital ward.

She sat up with a groan. Her limbs ached, and everything felt far too heavy. Her torso was wrapped in bandages. Sydaya frowned. Certainly not uninjured, but a far cry from the mess of blood and shredded skin that had been plastered across the hanger floor.

How was she alive?

She jumped when the curtain rasped across its pole. A woman dressed in blue scrubs ducked through, smiling when her gaze landed on Sydaya.

“Commander Clepar. Good to see you’re awake.” She glanced at her clipboard. “You got some minor burns and a conk in the head, but nothing too serious. Pretty lucky, all things considered. You should be able to leave in a little bit.”

Nothing too serious.

Without thinking, Sydaya reached for the charm around her neck, rubbing the uneven texture across the pad of her thumb. There was no way what happened on the deck was nothing too serious. Not unless …

Her voice was dry and rough when she spoke. “Where’s Loki?”

The doctor sighed. “We don’t know, sir. I believe they’re trying to track him now.” She continued on about burn treatments and discharging, but Sydaya didn’t hear her. She rolled the lantern between her fingers again.

Loki had healed her. He must have. There was no other explanation.

She tried reaching out through the Force, but it was useless. He had long since left, and she hadn’t the energy right now to go searching for him.

But he was out there.

Somewhere, her Loki was still out there.

And somehow, she was going to bring him back.

[artgirllullaby]

Strangers Now, Friends Before

Ok, so... this was @jantomweek Day 5 “Childhood friends”...

Which apparently I finished AND NEVER POSTED????

If this was posted someone send me the link and I’ll delete this one.

I found it while organizing Tumblr and my own files to see if something got lost on the rambles of writing (and yes, there are a few) but i didn’t expect to have a whole thing in my files and never had posted????

Anyways, here it is, later as ever but oh well. I hope you guys like!

.................................................

Strangers Now, Friends Before

Tom didn’t need much to be happy. A good sleep, his comforter, a cozy place to relax and just do nothing. It wasn’t asking much and it wasn’t that all complicated.

So right then and there he was wondering how such thing seemed so freaking impossible as he stared at his best friend on the bars across the police district in a separate prison than his.

“This is your fault.”

“Oh excuse me, if I cared enough to get in a fight while trying to help you.”

“I told you I was fine.”

“Yeah, sure.” He sighed resting his back on the bars refusing to look at her, “Whatever.”

There was a few minutes of silence, both refusing to look at the other or talk about the fight. On his side he knew why he was avoiding, it wasn’t his fight in first place. He wasn’t even supposed to get into it or knock the guy unconscious, it was Janna thing and she was the one who should solve, but what anyone expected him to do when the guy grabbed her arm  and tried to force her inside the car to do whatever?!

At same time he knew it was none of his business. Not when they haven’t talked to each other in five years. It wasn’t intentional, but as they grew they began to hang out with different people and have different interests. And then when they least expected they had nothing to talk about. He often stared at her contact over social media and  thought on talking to her again, but awkwardness always had got the best of him and he gave up.

A few hours later a police officer came and opened the gates for his and her cell right after, “Ok, you two are clean. The witnesses around proved that you were only defending your friend and that he was indeed trying something on her.” The officer guided them through corridors out the cells and to the police department “The exams gave out the high level of alcohol in his blood, and he is filed by violence against women in the past. Some time in jail for trying to abuse a minor will give him a little reminder after he wake up.” The officer pointed out two seats for them “But next time, please don’t try dating a guy much older than you. For your safety, girl.”

“I didn’t know he was that old,” Janna finally spoke “I actually went to break up with him in my friend place since she was scared of his reaction. I thought he was a jerk on our age, I didn’t know he was over his twenties. I had a spray and a taser I thought it would be enough to make him leave me alone in worst scenario” She hugged herself and shivered “I didn’t think he would follow me on my way home after recovering.”

Tom put a hand on her shoulder to show support, but as she tensed he realized it might not been the best opinion and recoiled.

“Well, since you’re older you can leave. She will have to wait for her parents.”

“I will wait with her, if that’s not a problem.”

“If she doesn’t bother either, it’s up to you”

Janna didn’t said anything as he sat beside her, not even when her parents arrived and decided to file the case. Or when they asked Tom to deliver her to their home since there were still some documents to sign and would take time for those and for their lawyer to get there. Not even when he put his jacket on her since she was shivering from late night cold air. The walk back home was just as silent.

“Why did you care even?” Janna suddenly spoke a few quarters away from their home.

“Because you are my friend and he was hurting you.”

“Are we friends even?”

Tom frowned, “Of course… We are distant, but I never considered you less than a friend.”

“Doesn’t feel like.” She replied quietly.

Tom sighed looking at her “What is this about?”

“This is about you getting into my life. I appreciate, but I don’t understand.”

“What part of ‘I saw you in danger and reacted’ is hard for you to get?”

“The part in which I had got in worse and you didn’t care.”

He tried to defend himself “If I knew…”

“You should, it were your friends who got me on it.” Tom stopped walking to look at her back, hoping she would say it was a lie, but Janna kept walking without looking back “I thought you gave the order. I guess I was wrong about that at least.”

“I never… I would never…” He returned to walk until he was in front of her and held her shoulders so she stopped walking, “Janna, believe me, I had no idea… I’m sorry.”

Janna took a step back to be away from his touch and then continued to walk avoiding him, “Having them being jerks wasn’t worse than having your best friend turning his back on me and being just as cold.”

“That’s not how-”

“Then tell me why,” Janna said suddenly turning around and stopped walking to stare at his eyes “What’s your excuse for being distant?”

Tom gulped and tried to find the words to express himself “I… didn’t know how to deal with it.”

“With what?”

“With you, ok? I just… Couldn’t find a way to talk to you again without being weird.”

Janna frowned and gave him back his jacket, “Keep it, I can go home from here.”

“Janna!” Tom called when she started to walk and had to once again hold her so she wouldn’t escape, “Look, I swear I-”

“Save it.” Janna said taking his hands away from her. “You didn’t know who to deal with me after knowing about my crush on you? You could have said you needed time or whatever. But what I won’t forget is how you walked away from my life without ever looking back right after you ex girlfriend had exposed me to the whole school out of pure jealousy.”

“Why do you think I broke up in first place?!”

“Well, why didn’t come talk to me then?” Janna replied annoyed “I could have take my time away and give you space and whatever more you need… You just ignored me for years and suddenly come as a hero and… What now?!”

“I… We’ll figure out, ok?”

Janna turned around and walked back to her home, just a few more houses ahead. This time without complaining of his company. Tom kept close to her, a bit afraid she would try running away any minute. He put his jacket above her shoulders again, holding it in there.

When they got in her house, Janna put her keys on the door and unlocked, but instead of walking inside, she decided to turn to him and play with the key chains. Tom knew a signal of unwanted departure, so he took a step and stood closer, caressing her arms above his jacket.

“Did he hurt you?”

She shook her head, “Mostly when he grabbed my arm, it stings a bit and probably will be a bit purple tomorrow but that’s it.”

He hesitated for a moment, “Are you ok?”

“Yeah,” she shrugged “just a bit shaken.”

“Do you want me to stay until your parents arrive? Would make you feel safe?”

“I don’t know… You got your stuff to do too.”

“Don’t worry about it, just tell me what you want.”

Janna sighed and rested her forehead on his chest whispering, “I want to know why you walked away in first place, and why you’re back.”

Tom looked beyond her head, to the little white flowers in her garden “It was stupid of me… I’m sorry. I don’t even… I guess I didn’t know how to deal with your feelings” he replied finally, “I didn’t know how to bring it up or how to come close after the whole fiasco my ex did… I was afraid I would hurt you even more or people would mess with you. It was wrong of me to leave you like that… I’m sorry.”

Janna shivered a bit and moved her hand, was she crying? “Why you’re back then? Why now?”

“Because I didn’t want to walk away in first place.” He confessed, “But I did, and you moved on and looked happy with your girlfriend and I thought… It was too late, that I had no right in stepping in your life and messing with your happiness. And I wish I didn’t stepped back like this but… it’s how things happened.”

He was caressing her back in circles when she sniffed and stood back, cleaning her face with her hand of the remaining tears and took a deep breath. “What made you so scared that I had a crush on you?”

“Because I didn’t know how to treat you right.” Tom laughed a bit at that “I always treated you like a stupid jerk and said stupid stuff. I didn’t know how to be other way with you… I still don’t. I couldn’t risk hurting you because I’m a idiot.”

“And ended up hurting a lot more.”

“Yeah… I’m really sorry about that.”

Janna touched his shirt, caressing the fabric gently and his chest as consequence “You know why I liked you in first place?”

“Why?” He asked curious.

“Because you were real.” She replied suddenly very interested in the stamp of his shirt “You didn’t look like a fairy tale or too good to be true. You were just what you’re to everyone else, there’s no difference. You weren’t like a dream or enchanted, but that’s what made you so great and special for me since we were kids. You didn’t mind if I was a girl or a boy who wanted to play pirates, and you didn’t care when I took interest in both boys and girls… You were real and that’s all I wanted.”

“I didn’t know.”

“You couldn’t. We never talked about it” she replied recoiling her hand.

They stood in silent for a minute, letting the night air hung on them and the sounds of night bring the calm around them for finally solving everything after so many years of yearning and longing a solution that none tried to take the step to actually solve.

The red haired boy hugged her and she let her face rest against his chest, taking profit of his warmth by pulling his jacket closer and nuzzling her face gently against his body. He didn’t mind, since he took profit by holding her close to rest his chin on her head (wow, he could actually do that now that he was taller), his arms resting around her gently, so she could pull away whenever she felt like.

“Tom?” Janna suddenly said.

“Yeah?” He replied nuzzling her hair gently without even noticing his own actions.

“As much as I hated myself for this along the years… It hasn’t changed.”

She stepped back just enough to look at his face, and Tom looked at her eyes a bit confused “What?”

“The only difference is that I’m no longer 11 having a silly crush on a older boy who’s 14… I’m older, so are you. And I despised I didn’t move on completely, there were always the thought of you in the back of my mind no matter how much I tried to fool myself.” Janna took a breath before confessing for once, “Things are still the same. I still like you just as much I liked you then…” She gulped looking down before looking at his face again “What do we do now?”

Tom looked at her shocked for a moment, then looked right at her lips and her face. He could feel her trusting his actions right then and there. To either turn  her down or take the chance, she wanted to have a conclusion, to turn the page over or write it together.

He decided to write with her.

It was immediate reaction once he made the decision. His hands left her hips to cup her face and bring her closer, smashing his lips on hers eagerly. Eyes closing just mere seconds after hers. Janna lifted her arms to wrap around his neck, dropping his jacket in the process and kissed him back with hunger, her fingers passing on his hair caressing his scalp, her lips continued glued to his moving a bit tipsy like a first kiss and with too much longing for them to control or think on slowing down to adjust. His hands rested on her hips holding her close to him as before.

It took a few minutes for them to let the years of distance and unnoticed longing to vanish, even after slowing down and separating, both continued to share little kisses, hesitating to separate and stop the moment. Her hand rested on his chest as the other cupped his cheek.

“It’s late” she said between kisses, “I should get in.”

“And it’s cold… you should.”

And still none of them found the will to move out the embrace or stop the kisses for another five minutes.

“I can stay if you want.” He said finally, now tracing his kisses along her face, as apologies for being away for so long when he wanted that just as much as she did.

She nodded slightly to his suggestion, “Ok… I do like that…” she sighed when he kissed her forehead.

Sharing one more kiss, a bit longer than the others, Janna finally opened the door to her house and let him in as she closed the door again behind her. She went to turn the lights on and Tom found himself in a familiar place with few differences of walls and decorations.

“Just… to be sure,” She said resting her back against the wooden door “where do we stand?”

Tom looked back at the door, feeling the hesitation in her voice. It was comprehensive, he was a jerk in those years of distance and leaving her hanging without a “yes” or “no” during five years didn’t do well. He closed the distance between them and held her hand.

“We are together. I’m not leaving this time, Janna.”

He rested his forehead on hers looking into her eyes for a moment. She took her time to let the statement settle in her and smiled at him mischievously as he remembered she always did.

“You better not. I’m not going to give you chances to.”

He smirked, “There’s the Janna I know.”

“Shut up” she rolled her eyes still smiling before wrapping her arms on his neck again pulling him down to her for more kisses.

When her parents got home, they smiled at the two of them cuddling together with blankets and pillows like they used to do when they were younger. Her father turned the lights off and let them sleep, relieved they finally had solved things out. As the lights turned down, Tom held Janna closer, cradling her head against his chest and she nuzzled his chest adjusting to hold him close as they continued to dream.

[whitesparrows97]

A Thousand Springs – Part 4

Pairing: BTS x Reader/OT7 x Reader

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3.4K

Previous / Next

(picture credit: photograph by Mok Jung Wook for TIME Magazine)

After some time you had moved back to your room to pack some essential things. Taehyung had promised you that they would buy you anything you needed, too. But you didn’t want to burden them any more than you already did. That they took you in and gave you security was more than you could ask for.

When you got back into the living room, you realized that Alison wasn’t with the others. Jin seemed to notice your searching look and explained that he had brought her back to her room so she could rest there. 

“We’ll keep someone nearby to look after her,” Namjoon said as you dropped onto the sofa.

“You have people working for you?” you asked suspiciously. You had no idea what you had gotten yourself into. Was it possible that the seven men were part of a gang? Or maybe even part of the Mafia? You didn’t know anything about that, except that a lot of people died pretty quickly.

“Of course,” said Namjoon. “Not many, only a few, whom we trust unreservedly.”

“It seems you trusted David once as well.” It slipped out before you could do anything about it. There was a moment of unpleasant silence and you were afraid that you might have upset the men.

But you breathed a sigh of relief when Yoongi finally broke the silence. “Yes, and that was one of the biggest mistakes we could make.” He dropped down next to you on the small armchair and stared at a fixed point on the floor.

“Why is that?” You didn’t know if it was smart to push the subject further. But you wanted to know what their connection was with David, since he was apparently a true psychopath.

It was Namjoon again who answered you. Apparently he seemed to be the leader of the group. “Let’s discuss this as soon as we get home.”

You wanted to protest, now would be as good a time as any. But when you opened your mouth, his gaze made you quickly close it again and look to the ground. 

“Can I say goodbye to Alison for a moment?” you asked quietly.

“She’s asleep and won’t hear you,” Jin interjected. “You should let her recover. The procedure of forgetting takes all your strength. The longer she sleeps now, the better she will be when she wakes up.”

“I won’t wake her, but I don’t want to go without having said goodbye,” you insisted. Jin sighed once briefly before nodding.

When you stepped into Alison’s room and carefully closed the door behind you, you were glad Alison was asleep. You wouldn’t know what lie you would have to tell her, why you wouldn’t and couldn’t live in the apartment for some time. So at least you had time to come up with a believable story.

Your best friend was still pale, probably even paler than before. But the thought that she wouldn’t remember anything about the past hours calmed you down. You had never wanted her involved in all this and you were glad that you could undo it. Or rather Jin, however he had managed it.

That was another question you noted in the back of your head and would ask as soon as Namjoon thought the timing was appropriate.

Whenever that would be. 

You had never been a fan of big goodbyes, so you only carefully stroked Alison’s hair out of her face once and memorized her relaxed facial features. You didn’t know when you would see her next time and wanted to make sure you remembered her that way. And not crying and afraid with a blade on her neck.

By shaking your head you chased the pictures out of your head. Arriving at the door, you turned around again and whispered a ‘Sorry’ in Alison’s direction before you left the room.

∞ ∞ ∞

The drive was long and quiet. You didn’t know where the men lived and after a while you gave up trying to find out where you were. What was certain was that you had never been here before. This time you were a little better divided between the two cars so that you weren’t trapped in the middle between two men. Namjoon, who sat with you in the back seat, made you nervous, so that you didn’t dare to say anything.

Instead, you spent your time watching the landscape from the window. You had long since left the city behind and a quick glance at the clock on the instrument panel told you that you had been on the road for nearly an hour. You almost decided to ask how much longer it would take you when Hoseok slowed down and drove up a driveway.

You admired the… building in front of which you stopped. To call it a house would not really do it justice. But it wasn’t a mansion either, not quite. The black facade was broken through by orange-brown wood in some places. A few well-kept trees and bushes covered a little the view to the house, so that it was almost hidden. 

As you climbed the few steps to the front door, you let your hand glide over the railing. Everything screamed that it was incredibly expensive. Another question appeared on your mental question list. The men could hardly be much older than you. How the hell had they gotten so much money? Just to be able to afford the Range Rover you would probably have to work a few decades. And that only if you lived very sparingly.

Not to mention the house and the other car. You had the unpleasant feeling that maybe the money hadn’t really come from an everyday job. Maybe they were assassins who had made a name for themselves in the scene over the last few years. If there was such a thing as a scene in this professional field at all. And if you could even call it a professional field. Maybe all this was just a plan and David had hired the men last night to secretly get you out of the way now. Everything else had been just a show and was just for everyone’s entertainment. Probably they met after the job and laughed about you and your naivety…

That’s exactly what your mother meant when she had said you had a blossoming imagination. She probably would have scolded you for a moment and given you a lecture about why you didn’t go home with strange men. But your mother wasn’t here and you never had the chance again to have one of her lectures.

Sighing, you entered the hall and were speechless. You didn’t know what you were expecting and why you were surprised. You could have imagined that it looked as noble inside as it did outside. Nevertheless, you were perplexed to see the white marble floor and the huge staircase leading up to the upper floor. Straight ahead at the end of the entrance area you could see through the large window front into the garden. 

“Do you like it?” Jimin asked, who had stepped to your side and looked at you with amusement. You could only nod. 

Your gaze slid further to the right, where a painting hung on the wall. You had to suppress a laugh as you walked towards it. “Is that you, Namjoon?” you asked amused, although you knew the answer. It was clearly a self-portrait, you assumed it was in the style of Impressionism.

A deep, short laugh came from behind you and you felt the warmth that emanated from him as he stepped behind you. “Yes, that’s me. Somewhat embarrassing, I know,” he admitted and almost sounded shy.

You just shook your head. “Not at all. The brushstrokes are incredible and the color harmony…” You digressed as you looked at the painting with a slight smile. 

Your gaze fell into the lower right corner where you would have suspected a signature, but it was empty. You turned slightly to Namjoon and asked: “What’s the artist’s name? He’s great, reminds me of Cézanne.”

The grey haired one seemed to think for a moment. “Unfortunately, I don’t remember, it’s been a while,” he finally confessed.

You frowned. “A while ago? You still look up just as you did in the painting.”

Namjoon gently put a hand on your arm and led you away from the painting towards the window front.

“You are interested in art,” Taehyung asked, who had appeared on your other side.

You nodded. “Very much actually. I’m studying something in this direction and I am now in my last semester,” you explained and you could swear to see his eyes sparkle at this statement.

“You study?” Hoseok asked instead, who went before you and turned to you at the question.

“All I need is the final exams and then the thesis, then I’m done.”

“What exactly are you studying, Y/N?” Jungkook interfered and his dark brown eyes looked at you questioningly.

“Art and New Media. The course is very diversified, but roughly speaking it deals with art that was created in this and the last century.”

You had arrived at the windows and you lost yourself for a moment in the view of the garden. It was very spacious, which you wouldn’t have thought. Well-tended paths meandered through the green and led to a small building in the distance, which you could identify as a greenhouse. As you leaned a little to the right, you could see the corner of a pool connected to the terrace of the house.

“It’s wonderful,” you said and you noticed how breathless your voice sounded.

“We’re glad you like it,” Jin replied and smiled at you. Suddenly something seemed to invade him and he added: “You certainly haven’t eaten anything yet, have you?”

You shook your head.

“I’ll make you breakfast,” he said enthusiastically and turned around. “Or rather lunch,” you could hear him murmuring after he looked at his wristwatch.

“I’ll show you your room, Y/N,” Jungkook said, and before you could say anything, he pulled you back by the hand towards the stairs; your bag in the other hand.

“Not so fast, Jungkook,” you laughed as you stumbled over your own feet.

He immediately slowed down his pace and smiled at you apologetically. His thumb stroked the back of your hand at a regular pace and time seemed to stand still.

And that wasn’t meant metaphorically or figuratively, but literally. You had arrived at the beginning of the stairs and Jungkook had turned to you. You felt your heartbeat, regularly, but slower. Every single beat you felt hard in your chest, as if your heart was trying to jump out of your chest. 

Your hand moved in slow motion as you pressed it lightly against the chest of the dark-haired man. You were astonished to see yourself, as if your hand no longer belonged to your body. Under the palm of your hand you could feel his heartbeat and a smile spread across your face as you noticed how fast it was beating.

“What is happening here,” you asked and were relieved when your voice came out at normal speed.

Jungkook let the bag sink from his hand to the floor and carefully stroked your cheek. You could feel the skin underneath turn dark red.

He didn’t answer your question and the moment was over. 

Suddenly all the sounds you must have faded out before were back again. You heard Jin handling pots in the kitchen and one of the boys laughing. Your heart was racing in your chest and your cheeks were glowing as Jungkook released his hand from your cheek and picked up the bag from the floor. You were happy when he climbed the stairs in front of you and you had a moment to breathe in deeply.

It wasn’t the first time you felt like time was slowing down. That was perfectly normal when you were in a dangerous situation and the adrenaline kicked in. But right now hadn’t been such a situation and it had felt different. It reminded you of the trance-like state that you were in yesterday after meeting David. Except that this was much more pleasant and you didn’t want the moment to go by.

Jungkook led you into the left wing, where many doors were coming from a relatively narrow hallway. The left wall of the hallway was covered by a narrow, long window that reached almost to the end of the hallway. When you looked through it, you could see into the entrance hall.

“These are our bedrooms,” he told you, and with a gesture of his finger he gave the names of the boys to explain to you which room belonged to whom. The first room belonged to Taehyung and the one beside it to Jimin. The rooms of Jin, Hoseok, Namjoon and Yoongi were in the right wing, as Jungkook explained to you.

You had arrived at the penultimate door and Jungkook opened it. “This,” he began, making an inviting arm movement. “Is my room.”

Carefully you stepped in and looked around with restraint. 

“It’s small, but the view makes up for it again, I think.”

“It’s…” you started, but again you couldn’t find a proper word for it. 

The opposite wall had been completely replaced by windows and gave a view of the city in the distance. Light fog added a mystical touch to the view and you were embarrassed to notice your mouth had dropped open in awe. You quickly closed it, but you knew he had seen it thanks to the slight grin on Jungkook’s face. 

“Jungkook, it’s so beautiful.” You could finally say. “And beautiful doesn’t even hit it. It’s just breathtaking.”

“Then you should see your room,” the dark-haired man said laughing and took your hand again to lead you to that room. You were a little disappointed because you hardly had time to look around and were too busy enjoying the view.

It turned out that your room was the one next to it, the last one in the hallway. You didn’t know why you were so excited. But when Jungkook let you step forward to open the door, you noticed your hands were trembling.

Carefully you pressed the door open and entered your new room. Immediately you noticed that it was about as cut as Jungkooks room, only mirrored. 

The big bed stood on the right wall and you had to pull yourself together, not to cuddle up in the soft-looking blankets. Only now did you realize how tired and exhausted you were. You tear the view away from the bed and let it wander through the room. The back wall was also replaced by three large windows and on the windowsill you could see cushions inviting you to watch the sunset up close.

To the left of the window in the corner stood a couch that looked at least as comfortable as the bed and was decorated with pillows and blankets. As you turned your gaze to the left wall, you noticed two doors.

“Where do the two doors lead to?” you asked the dark-haired man. 

He seemed to have watched your reaction to the room as a slight blush formed on his cheeks as you looked at him.

“One leads to the adjacent bathroom, the other to your wardrobe,” he replied when he had caught himself again.

“I have my own bathroom and a walk-in closet?” you asked, slightly shocked. “I don’t even have enough clothes to need that much space.”

Jungkook laughed quietly and you asked yourself why. “Don’t worry, Noona. Look at it first.”

You didn’t know what he meant by that, but before you could ask, he hinted to leave.

“I’ll leave you alone for a moment. Jin will be ready to eat in about a quarter of an hour. Then just come down,” he explained and gave you a shy smile before he left the room and closed the door behind him. 

You take a quick breath before you opened the first of the two doors. Behind it lay the walk-in wardrobe and you were left breathless at the sight. Now you knew what Jungkook had meant. 

The room was small, actually rather a narrow, short hallway. However, all walls were equipped with high shelves and so there would be enough space for clothes. 

At least theoretically. 

If jackets and blouses would not hang from the poles and shirts and trousers would not be neatly folded to occupy the shelves.

Carefully you stroked over the material of a dark blue blouse and had to sigh, so soft it felt on your skin. The name on the label didn’t tell you anything, and neither did those in the other clothes. You opened the drawer of a narrow chest of drawers and felt the heat rise directly into your cheeks. You were glad you were alone in the room and none of the boys could see you lifting the pink lace string with your pointed fingers. 

Oh god. If you thought about that the boys had bought you the underwear themselves, you would redden a nuance more, if that was even possible. And they would know that you would wear it, that was almost the worst thing about it. You had to admit that you usually put more emphasis on comfort than sexiness. Not that it was completely unnecessary anyway, since no one but you has ever seen it.

When you went on thinning through the drawer with your head bright red, you only found this kind of underpants, but at least there were some that had a more subtle color. The bras in the drawer below were not much better. What surprised you the most was that they knew your size. Sure, it had been a bit strange with the clothes, but that could have been just coincidence.

But the fact that they knew your bra size really concerned you. It was just too... weird. You let the underwear be underwear and left the room to look at the bathroom.

It was a strong contrast to the other two rooms and now you noticed what had been bothering you the whole time.

The mansion was old. 

You could recognize it by the large staircase and the long corridors. There were also some small things, like the paintings that were made on antique and added even more years to the building. Even though many attempts were made to modernize the villa by completely renovating the façade, or by adding many window fronts to the bedrooms, the bathroom revealed that the villa had to be very old.

Carefully you entered the bright room. Here, too, much had been modernized, but the black and white floor tiles and the stucco on the ceilings lent the room a certain reverence. Only now did you notice the high ceiling from which a small golden chandelier hung. Even the feet of the bathtub were made of decorated white ceramic so that they matched the stucco. 

Again the question came to your mind how the seven men could afford all this. While you were happy to have enough money at the end of the month to afford you something decent to eat, they lived here in a frenzy. 

You were about to leave the bathroom when your gaze fell on your reflection. In disbelief, you stared at yourself just for a moment before taking a step forward to look at yourself better.

You hardly had anything to do with the person who stood in the bathroom of the club scared to death yesterday. Your cheeks were slightly reddened, probably a remnant from the discovery of underwear. 

But you couldn’t deny how... healthy you looked. You couldn't think of another word for it except that you were practically beaming. Your eyes seemed somehow darker and deeper than usual and your posture had also improved. Until this morning you had mostly walked around with your shoulders raised, hoping to stay at the most inconspicuous. 

Now you stood upright and with your head slightly raised. You were more confident, but that was not the word you were looking for. Suddenly it hit you, the word suddenly appeared before your eyes, as if someone had blown away the fog it surrounded.

You were happy. 

With the knowledge and a smile on your lips you turned around and made your way down.

Written 2019-2021. Do not copy, translate or repost without permission.

[queensdivas]

Wildest Notes Chapter 3

Warning now. 

We’re getting a little into Cora’s backstory in this chapter and it’s gonna be dark. I know this is supposed to be a cute story. But we’re here for back stories and this one I’ve been working on for a few days instead of writing a final paper. 

Genius I know!

Also if you got access to a piano or a piano app. It’s gonna make sense soon.

Also also. We gotta move this story along because I know y’all want some adorable fluff for them. 

Next Chapter

Masterlist 

Previous Chapter

C’mon you stupid weed! JUST! GET! OUT! OF! THE! GROUND! Yanking the weed out of the ground as I tossed it across the yard! Got you ya beast! My goodness that was a big weed that did not want to get out! My eyes drifted down to my left ankle to where the scar was almost gone all these years later. Should probably go check on Angus and make sure he isn’t going through the pantry. 

I stood up as I checked on Angus who was passed out underneath the branches of the white weeping cherry tree. The best thing about getting a big dog? It just loves to sleep around and be lazy which is absolutely perfect. 

When I was about to sit back down in the dirt to try to get back to gardening. But the phone began ringing as I got up from my crouching stance to walk inside my home. Angus popped up from the ground to trot his way inside the house with me, over to the fluffy rug in the living room and plop on the floor. Join him as I sat down against the wall then picked up the phone. 

“Cora speaking.” 

“I’m assuming you adored the Elvis Presley China?” Mama Seymour! 

“They look fantastic on the shelf Mama. So I’m assuming you sent them that this is the end?” 

“Yup. One more kid was about to be sent off to their new home, and I’m off to Hawaii!!” She’s been waiting for this trip about...her entire life? She had this trip planned since I can remember, some big plan to visit all the hot spots Elvis lived in and went to. 

“About time you went because if I had to sit through another Hawaiian/Elvis themed party I think I would’ve gone crazy.” 

“You enjoyed those parties and you know it!” 

“YOU PLAYED BEACH BOY BLUES FOR HOURS! YOU WORE DOWN YOUR BLUE HAWAII RECORD SO BADLY IT WOULDN’T PLAY!” She knows I’m joking. Partially. I kid you not that freakin’ record was destroyed after that party she threw for all of us. 

“Ya know you could just send me back those beautiful pieces of China.” Funny real funny. The bottom of my overalls began showing again as I tried to fix my pants again. 

“You’re a lot more quiet than usual.” She pointed out as I began staring at the windows in front of me. 

“Sorry you caught me right in the middle of my gardening.”

“You sure? Ya know if you ever need a break please call me from my cell and I’ll drag you to Hawaii. Listen I gotta run because the parents are here for the last one! Goodbye Cora!” 

“Bye..” Before I could finish saying bye she hung up her phone. Placing the phone back on the box as Angus was sitting right in front of me with his rope in his mouth. Guess that’s the cue for his walk, and the seed pods are being put on hold. 

He let go the rope leash from his mouth as I clipped it to his collar. Grabbing my keys from the small end table to open the front door. Is this a coincidence or just the universe being nice for once? Gard was literally placing the ads in my mailbox as I was looking through the screen door. 

“Hiya Gard!” He looked from the box as I shot him a smile. 

“Mind if I walk with ya? Need a break from the soil and Angus obviously needs the exercise. Lazy bum.” I opened the screen door as he took a step back. 

“I kind of a certain way of doing things..”

“Yeah yeah yeah. And the moon is made out of cheese Gard. You gotta spice it up a little in your life and me walking with you for a few blocks won’t kill you.” I opened the screen door to walk past him with Angus sticking right by my side. I heard him sigh as he walked past me to open the gate. 

“Thank you!” I smiled as we walked through the gate down the sidewalk. He kept his vision right on the sidewalk as we were in an awkward silence. 

“So Gard. How long have you been living here?” I asked him as he kept looking down at the sidewalk. 

“My entire life. I live with my brother Calvin.” So a brother...cool. 

“The folks? Retired to Florida?” 

“My parents are a few hours away.” Probably down in San Francisco. 

“San Francisco?” 

“East. Cool. Lotta cool places out East.” East where? Wait who am I pry? 

“What about you?” 

“Ummm my father passed away a few months ago in San Diego. Moved here for the job obviously.” Angus went to pop a squat as Gard went up to the next house to drop off the mail. When he came back Angus was done as we continued on our walk. 

His eyes were memorized by the pavement underneath his own two feet. My eyes went from Angus as I tried to figure out what about the sidewalk made it so interesting to stare at it. He noticed as I was tilting my head back and forth with my eyes squinting or wide open. 

“What are you doing Cora?” 

“Trying to figure out why you’ve been staring at this pavement the entire time we’ve been walking. Am I just not getting it?” I asked him as he stopped to face me. 

“Are you making fun of me?” 

“No. No honestly I’m not.” I crossed my heart as I formed a tiny little smile in the corner of his mouth. 

“AH! I saw that Gard! So tell me what exactly do you think about while walking around the neighborhood? Sports? Kind of surprised that I’m not seeing headphones in.” 

“Usually I’m so hypnotized by the mail or the sidewalk I don’t really think about it much. I’m not a big sports person and listening to music is definitely not allowed. So..I look at the sidewalk. It becomes..like a kaleidoscope. You turn and look at it differently, it can be anything you want.” I stopped walking as he reached into his bag and stuffed one of the mail boxes. 

“Like what?” He closed the mailbox and went onto the next one. 

“Just a different world.” More short answers. Ya know. Mama Seymour always told us that no matter how hard and long a man tries to become an island. He will never become one. 

“Can I do one?” 

“Do one what?” 

“Deliver the mail? C’mon just one! The world isn’t going to blow up if I put a few pieces of paper into a mailbox.” He looked so damn annoyed at me. Gard looked up and down the street then reached into his bag and gave me a tiny stack of envelopes. Gard pointed to the box as I handed him the leash to Angus. Opening the mailbox to place the envelopes inside then closing the box. 

“Gard I feel so changed. I can feel the rush!” Turning around as he approached me with Angus’ leash held up. 

“My job is important, you know. People communicate because of me.” If this was about eighty years ago sure. 

“Used to. Well unless you’re an old lady or nostalgic young adults who like getting fun things in the mail because they’re bored.” I laughed as he began walking away. 

“Oh c’mon Gard it’s a joke! You should get yourself loose every once in a while. It’s good for the soul.” I caught up with him as he looked down at the pavement. 

“If anyone asks, you’re my supervisor!” 

“Well then as your supervisor your stance sometimes when delivering the mail is unhealthy for your back. Not to mention your hat isn’t straight.” Gard stopped dead in his tracks and was beginning to panic. 

“Gard I’m just messin’. Wait hold on.” I tossed the lead down (I know Angus ain’t goin anywhere. He’s too old for that.) I reached up to fix his hat to make sure it was even. Gard was turning into a nervous mess as I finished fixing his hat. Once finished we looked at each other for a minute as he was a complete nervous wreck. Turning back towards the pavement with his head hung down again. 

“Hey hey hey! You gotta be showing me the neighborhood! Who lives in that house?” I pointed at the house that had the really big red ford that had elevated tires. Ya know. A small penis kind of guy truck. 

“Mr. Stotch. Owns the deli store in town and is a big American activist.” Now that I’m noticing it is the amount of American flags around the house and so much military propaganda!

“And that house?” Pointing to the house with the overgrown grass in the yard. 

“Mrs. Sancton. Works as a night guard at a prison.” My eyes widened as I looked over at him. 

“Wow. Thought this was your average neighborhood. You’ve got some dude who worships guns and just across the street is someone who guards cons. What a strange world.” I could tell Gardner was completely out of his comfort zone. Oh my god I can tell he’s just wanting to make a run for the hills with no looking back. So far he’s the only person that is relatively my age group so if this is how I have to make friends then I’m fine with it. But I do have to get back soon and take a nap then get ready for work. 

“I can tell that you’re completely comfortable around me. I’m gonna get going’ and take a nap before work.  Say bye Angus.” We stopped walking as Angus jumped up on Gard and over towered him. Angus licked his face to then stand back on his four legs. 

“See ya tomorrow Mr. Mailman!” I waved as Angus and I began walking off. 

A...A...B...B..A..A..B..B...A...A...B...B....D..F#...G..

A clash of thunder roared through the cave causing it to shake a little due to the fact that it was an unsturdy cave. The only place I could hide when he would drag me there was the outside of the hole. 

It was either freezing or melting all the time, the cave with nothing comfortable in between. There’s always metal buckets in the cave catching all the water..each drop in the bucket played a different tone. It turned into the only comfort as father would be in the hole for hours to even some days. 

A...A...B...B...A...A...B...B..A..A..B..B...D...F#....G…

He came out of the hole to drag me out of the cave to drag me to some sort of cheap food place for him to recover. I was always told he was making us money so that one day he would be able to move away.. 

But even I could see through his false promise.. 

One day we went to the cave and I was told to sit in the hole with my father. Said me being out in the hallway would be dangerous as if someone would kidnap me. But I wasn’t near my buckets to create the wave of peace over the sounds of horror coming from the different holes. 

Some sounded like they were wrestling, screaming, the sound of glass breaking, and then it ended with a loud bang. The bang would sometimes ring out 

A...A...B...B..A...A..B...B…...D..F#.................G.. 

“Come here you little sack of shit.” He came out screaming as I looked up from the ground. He yanked me into the room with a fistful of my hair. 

“Please daddy no! No!” 

“You piece of garbage!” Being dragged through the cave and into the hole...the dark pit..no. no no no..

My body felt like it dropped out of the sky as I felt my hand smack against the bed stand which woke me up. I gripped the bed sheets as tight as I could, bringing it up close to me for me to start trying to calm down. My right hand gripped my shoulder as I took a deep breath. It’s okay..it’s okay..it was a long time ago..it’s just fine Cora. 

I crawled out of bed to see that it was pretty late in the morning and I have to get started on pulling the weeds and getting the front of the house put together before it supposedly rains tomorrow. Trying to make sure the plants get some good fresh rain so their roots can grow into the soil.

Changing into my overalls and tossing my hair up in an extremely lazy braid. Walking into the kitchen as I grabbed an apple to quickly chow down on it before starting the lawn work. Stopping in front of the piano as I looked down at the keys..I think..I think I need to play a little before doing some manual labor. 

Opening the window of the music room as I could see the sun was hidden from the amount of clouds that were beginning to approach. Guess no manual labor today for me. AS soon as I walked away from the window the rain began to pour down. Yup. No manual labor. 

Kneeling down in front of the shelving where a I had peach crates filled with all my piano music and sheets. it's been awhile since I’ve played some Nocturnes. No actually we need something a little more jolly this morning to help me get the right push to start the morning. 

Well forget the nocturne because I’ve found the winner! Pulling out one old one I haven’t played in a while as I sat down on the bunch then cracked my fingers and warmed up my wrist. Today is a little Chopin and it’s Raindrop Prelude. Taking in a deep breath to then slowly release it as I started to play. 

Mama Seymour taught me everything I needed to know on the piano. The chords, keys, which pedal went with each type of song. She always talked about how playing the piano is the only true form of expression because it can never be misinterpreted like paintings. Though I know that people try to take apart songs all the time because we always wanna know the truth behind the notes. She might have a few wires loose but I owe that woman almost everything in my life. 

The world seemed to always just kind of fly off whenever I sit in front of the keys. My body now fully relaxed as I was reaching over halfway of the song when I heard the gate opening. I got the feeling I really made him uncomfortable and out of his mind yesterday, So me staying inside today may be in his best interest. 

I kept going with my foot pushing down on the far right pedal to allow the song to echo throughout the entire house. Angus came walking into the room and laid down right next to the piano as he fell right back asleep. 

The last chord echoed through the house as I turned myself around on the bench to step over Angus. Should probably see what bills or junk mail I got from Gard. When I opened the door Gard was standing under the porch from the rain. 

“Gard? What are you doing?” I asked him as it was pouring. 

“I’m sorry. I heard you playing and I wanted to stay till the end.” He was completely soaked from head to toe as I opened the door for him to come in. 

“I should get back to work.” He was about to walk off but I cleared my throat. 

“If you keep walking nonstop you’re gonna get sick.” 

“You actually don’t get sick from walking in the rain, Cora. Besides..rain or shine...” He stopped talking due to the face I had my eyebrow raised at him. I moved out of the way as he came inside of the house. 

“Let me get you a towel Gard.” I walked into the bathroom as I came back out with a fluffy towel. Gard dropped his bag and wrapped the towel around himself. 

“Take off your shoes and socks so they can dry. Nothing is worse than wet feet in wet shoes.” I pointed over to the floor. He placed his mail bag next to the door then sat down to take off his shoes. 

Gard finished taking off his shoes and I reached out for his wet socks. Relax when you live with about ten to twenty kids in your life you kind of get used to the smell of socks and other pieces of clothing. 

“I’ll throw them in the dryer. Feel free to go into the pantry.” 

*Gards P.O.V.*

Why is she so nice? What person is this nice to their mail carrier? Does she like me? I think I’m starting to like her. She’s this sweet fun woman who's now drying my socks off from the rain. Should probably go thank her for being so nice to me. 

Angus walked over to be then sat between my legs as he was waiting for me to scratch behind his ears. As I got started he had his tongue sticking out and his eyes shut tight enjoying the scratches. Till he got tired and fell asleep right in the hall. 

I got up from the floor as I walked into the room where she was playing the piano to look around a little. It was a piano that was sort of red and had music sheets all over the place. There were little cubbies that had music books, sheets, and folders strung all over the place. On the other side of the wall was piles of peach crates filled with records. We're talking Elton John, Puccini, Queen, Bowie, Glenn Miller, The Drifters, and all kinds of different records. Like there was no specific pattern or anything in them. 

“You can look at them. They’re not going to bite.” She told me as she sat down in front of one of the crates. Sitting back down next to her as I was looking into one of the crates. 

“Do you have a favorite artist?” I asked Cora as she watched me going through her records. 

“Not say I have a select favorite. For rock I’d say Queen. For Disco obviously Earth, Wind and Fire. Dean Martin is always good and of course Benny Goodman also is fantastic. But of course The Temptations are amazing. I could go on for hours about it Gard. It’s just depending on my mood.” I nodded as I placed the peach crate back into the cubby as she got up towards the piano. 

“But I’d rather play in all honesty.” Cora ran her light and ran across the piano keys as I got up to stand next to her. 

“What was the one you were playing when I delivered your mail?” 

“Raindrop Prelude by Chopin. But it’s not my favorite to be honest with you Gard. If you’d like I can play something for ya.” She masked me as I sat down on the bench. I’m not a huge music person in any form of way. But I find listening to her playing the piano relaxing and something I would enjoy listening to time and time again. Even taking a few minutes out of the route to listen to every other day or so. 

“It’s Nocturno No2 op 62. It was my first piece I did for a solo concert in college but it’s just so beautiful. Scootch.” She sat down next to me as she was going through her folders of music.

“You’re gonna have to show me your hobbies and house eventually. Doesn’t make much sense if you’re constantly coming over and I know almost nothing about your hobbies.” She stated as my eyes widened a little bit. She placed the music on her stand as I tried to get a sense of what was written on it. 

Would she be interested in my stamps? What person would enjoy someone talking about their stamps? Any normal person would be bored out of their minds with someone's stamp. But..if she’s inviting me into her room, offering food to me and drying my own socks from the rain. This isn’t a normal situation...and I have no idea what I’m doing. 

Her playing was more beautiful than when she was sitting before me. She looked at the keys and how I looked at the sidewalk. Completely hypnotized in playing and in her own world. It was beautiful and so peaceful. My eyes went from her fingers to watch how lightly she played the keys to her body sort of swaying with her own beat to the music. She stopped playing as she looked over to the window where two birds were sitting on the window chirping to one another. 

“Guess I’m freakin Cinderella now Gard.” Laughing a little as we looked at each other for a brief moment. I should get going anyhow. I know I’m already late and being here for a few minutes is now putting me way behind. 

“I should umm..get going and finish my route.” I told Cora for her smile to sort of wither away till she nodded. 

“Yeah totally. You’re at work and I shouldn’t have basically thrown myself at you. Give me a second to grab your socks.” Cora popped off the bench to speed walk down the stairs. I placed the towel on the ground as she came back up with my somewhat dryer socks. 

Slipping on my socks and shoes to then grab my mailbag from the floor. Opening the door and standing on her porch as the rain was beginning to slow down a little. When I was about to take a step off the porch, Angus was whimpering behind me. 

“You don’t have to say bye to me. But you know Angus needs a goodbye.” The slobbering dog was standing right next to her as I opened the screen to scratch the top of Angus head. Her hand had an apple for her to wait for me to take it. 

“Thank you Cora. I’ll see you tomorrow?” I asked her as she smiled again..it’s..it’s such a pretty smile. I turned around to start walking. 

“Your place?” Halting as I turned around. 

“Ummm. I would...umm.” 

“It’s alright. My door is always open Gard. See ya later Mr. Mailman!” She waved as her and Angus shut the door. 

I wanna see her again tomorrow...maybe the next day?

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[televisedbirdwatching]

Episode 1: Parks as Public Health Infrastructure

Portland’s parks are one of my favorite things about the city. When I first moved here, I would take myself of drives just to go check out new parks; I’d walk around by myself and make mental notes, excited to share these spaces with other people in the future. 

During the Covid-19 Pandemic, those parks have become even more valuable. I remember in April, my first trip out of the house post-lockdown was to go for a walk at Pier Park in St. Johns. I remember in July, I hung out with some friends in Laurelhurst park, decompressing and enjoying the 9 PM sunset. I remember in August, hanging out with my mom and my sister in the Peninsula Park Rose Garden. These parks have always been there, but I think the pandemic has helped a lot of people appreciate their parks in new ways. 

Portland’s Mt. Tabor Park.

Portland owes many of its great parks to the Olmstead Brother’s plan. In the early 1900’s, the city commissioned the Olmstead Brothers, sons of famed landscape architect and designer of New York City’s Central Park, Frederick Law Olmstead, to design a system of parks for the growing city. Peninsula Park, Sellwood Park, Laurelhurst Park, Mount Tabor Park and Forest Park were all sited and designed in reference to the Olmstead plan.

An Illustration from the Olmstead Plan, which can be found in the book “Legacy of the Olmsted Brothers in Portland” by William Hawkins. 

When Olmstead designed Central Park for a growing city on Manhattan island, he did so understanding that parks were a critical piece of public health infrastructure. Looking at a map of Manhattan today, it seems inconceivable that 1.3 square miles of developable land would be set aside as a park, but Olmstead’s plan found support from a New York City that was recovering from deadly Cholera epidemics in 1832 and 1849 that killed over 8,500 people- bringing the issue even closer to home, Olmstead’s first child died of Cholera in 1860.

The precursor to the germ theory of disease transmission was the “miasma” theory; people believed that disease was caused by odors and vapors from decomposing garbage and sewage. It was also widely accepted that plants and sunlight were capable of sanitizing “miasmic” or “vitious” air. Olmstead’s Central Park was designed to help prevent future epidemics by purifying the city’s air and offering city-dwellers the opportunity to restore their health.

Olmstead wrote: “Opportunity and inducement to escape at frequent intervals from the confined and vitiated air of the commercial quarter, and to supply the lungs with air screened and purified by trees and recently acted on by sunlight, together with opportunity and inducement to escape from situations requiring vigilance, wariness, and activity towards other men- if these could be supplied economically, our problem would be solved.” The emergency and gravity of the cholera epidemics gave Olmstead and city politicians the political license to carry forward big ideas like Central Park, providing a public benefit and taking steps to prevent the next pandemic (although modern science tells us that plants don’t exactly sanitize the air the way they believed). 

Hudson River School painter Asher Durand painted this portrait of his children in an upstate NY Apple Orchard in 1832; continuing the long-standing tradition of wealthy people escaping to their idyllic countryside homes when pandemics strike in urban areas. Given the year of this painting it’s not hard to connect it to the 1832 Cholera epidemic in New York- bet you didn’t think I was going to sneak art history into this one.

It’s worth remembering that Central Park is a completely manufactured landscape. Marshes were drained and streams were created completely artificially. From the Central Park Conservancy, “its only natural feature is the metamorphic rock, called Manhattan schist, that’s approximately 450 million years old.” The rest is a work of art- deliberately crafted from the natural medium.

The tie between Central Park and public health goes deeper considering that the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis Reservoir, across from the Guggenheim Museum, actually predates the rest of Central Park,* and was the first major attempt made to bring clean water to the growing city. Even before germ theory, public health officials could tell that there was some connection between water and cholera, and set about building an aqueduct to deliver water from the Croton Reservoir 22 miles to the north.

In an age when most New Yorkers didn’t have access to running water, the clean water that could be found in the park was another draw. An 1870 guidebook to the park encouraged visitors to ‘drink their fill’ from the ‘inexhaustible cisterns.’ Ornate drinking fountains were placed around the park, including one near The Mall that used underground blocks of ice to cool the water. 

The Bethesda Fountain, just south of The Lake, was built as a monument to the completion of the Croton Aqueduct. This statue was the first major art commission in New York City granted to a woman. Stebbins was also a lesbian and used her partner Charlotte Cushman as a model for the statue; although in 1840′s language they were just two female best friends who lived together for many years and for some reason never married men.

The huge supply of fresh, clean water suddenly available in Central Park allowed New York city planners to begin delivering running water to homes in Greenwich Village, Gramercy Park, and Chelsea, neighborhoods that were initially upper-class suburbs created for people trying to escape the overcrowded tenements in the areas around the Five Points. An 1822 yellow fever epidemic provided the first major wave of resettlement from lower Manhattan to Greenwich Village, the second was spurred by a building boom that occurred as another wave of people tried to escape the tenements for safer living conditions during the 1832 cholera epidemic. The city spread farther north to Gramercy Park in 1842 when the reservoir was complete. 

This house at 77 Beford Street is considered to be the oldest original home in Greenwich Village, depending on how you define the boundaries of the village, and depending on if you count the fact that it was significantly upgraded in 1832 as a mark against its authenticity. Rabbit hole, here.

As New Yorkers with the means to do so moved further north and closer to Central Park, the Park seems to have had a sort of “greening” influence on the rest of the city, spreading clean air and water southwards into the working class and immigrant communities in the city. In the 1860’s and 70’s, the city of New York took its first steps towards operating as a housing authority, passing laws requiring that tenements begin offering indoor, running water and at least one window to the outdoors in each unit (creating the dog-bone or dumbbell shape we know today). In an effort to bring running water and centralized sewage service further south into Manhattan, the city began tearing up the streets and installing sewer pipes. When the streets were repaved, they used materials like concrete and asphalt to allow for weekly street washing and sweeping services. City planners began including space for alleyways in their designs, so that trash didn’t have to be placed directly on the street.*

This photo by Jacob Riis from “How The Other Half Lives” was an expose on tenement living conditions. Homes were often extremely poorly ventilated, often without any kind of exterior doors or windows. Sinks were shared among many residents, and bathrooms were outdoor outhouses. 

This article from the Central Park Conservancy argues that we should think of Central Park itself as a critical piece of public health infrastructure. Olmstead’s park provided clean air and water to New York residents at a time when many didn’t have running water, a window to the outside, or a way to escape the garbage and sewage in the streets. But as time went on, the Park not only provided a place to escape to, but a place that established an ideal: that clean water and air should be brought to all parts of the city for all citizens to enjoy, not just within the 1.3 square miles of park boundary- and over time, the city housing authority made steps toward that ideal.

“All these influences have a strangely powerful force,” writes an 1870’s guidebook to Central Park, about the power of a visit to the Park. “They compel the soul. It is almost impossible to do any thing in the park but rest, breath sweet air, and enjoy.”

“Do your Part” Coronavirus warning sign at Mt. Tabor over the summer.

I’m interested to see the ways in which Portland residents are enjoying those same benefits today, in light of a global pandemic. I’m also interested to see the other ways this cycle repeats. Will we see a post-pandemic return to the suburbs as people retreat from densely-populated and “unclean” urban areas? What kinds of infrastructural changes will be made to our built environment as city planners and urban designers imagine the next public health crisis?

Liner Notes:

*RE: reservoir- kind of. There was an older, rectangular reservoir built in 1842 that was later replaced  in 1860 with a more organic shaped reservoir designed to better fit in with the nature-inspired elements of central park, and that reservoir has also been replaced by the one there today. I could have been more careful about this in writing but I think it’s safe to say that a reservoir (of some shape) occupied that spot (in general) in the park since 1842.

*RE Alleyways- Yes, they began making space for alleyways, but large sections of Manhattan were built before this need for alleys was realized, and they couldn’t exactly go back and put them there, so there are virtually no alleyways in Manhattan; most are in other boroughs.

I acknowledge that New York City has a rocky history with parks; see Jane Jacob’s description of parks as places that provide cover for youth to bully other youth; see Robert Moses’ time in New York City and the overt racism he displayed when choosing the locations of parks and sites for playground equipment. Even within the 1840s, there would have been race and class dynamics at play, too- not everyone would have had equitable access to a public health resource like Central Park. This warrants its own investigation and I felt like I didn’t have the sources nor the scope to include that here. If anyone has any sources that talk about access to parks in the 19th and early 20th century, I’d like to know!

[nicolewrites]

We Stand, Fate-Tested - VIII

D&D took up much more time than I anticipated which is why this is late haha. 

Rating: T+ Genre: Mystery, Friendship, Romance Characters: [Byleth/My Unit, Dimitri B.], [Byleth/My Unit, Claude R.] Words: 6,249

A birthday party gives Byleth a headache. / Claude unmasks an enemy. 

AO3 | FFN

VIII - Complications

Garreg Mach University - 10 Lone Moon, 733 AU

"How's your neck today, Byleth?" Harriet asked as she entered the lab.

Byleth turned her head experimentally. There was still a twinge of pain when her jaw angled towards her right shoulder, but it was much, much better than it had been directly after the crash.

"It's alright," she replied. She kept her eyes focused on the screen of the computer in front of her, hoping the post-doc would leave her alone if she was clear she didn't want to talk about it. Thankfully, Harriet got the hint and settled down at her own workstation, leaving Byleth alone.

Since the crash, Byleth felt like she was being babied. Flayn called her every night to check up on her and Seteth never left her alone on-site during the dig. He also seemed keen on having one of his other students in the lab whenever Byleth was there as if she was just going to keel over on her own. It was starting to get annoying.

Out of the four people in the car, Byleth felt like she had gotten off the easiest. Edelgard was recovering from a not-so-fun concussion, Claude had fractured his arm in three places, and Dimitri was another story entirely. While he wasn't as physically hurt as the rest of them, the accident had dredged up some horrible psychological trauma for him and he had been basically catatonic for a week, responding only to the gentle prodding of his childhood friends who knew him best.

Edelgard's father had wanted her to return to Fhirdiad where she could be safe and guarded, but she had protested, staying on in all of her classes as well as the dig in the pinnacle of stubbornness. Claude had had his archery season cut short which was definitely annoying, but he still managed to keep his head up and help out on site, despite lacking the use of his left arm.

The crash had been the subject of several tabloid stories for about a week before Edelgard's father finally managed to get it snuffed out. It had been strange to get sympathetic glances wherever she went and to hear the murmured whispers behind her back. It still happened occasionally, but it helped that Edelgard, Claude, and even Dimitri were good at ignoring rumours and pretending that nothing had happened.

Claude had been spending a lot of time in the lab with Byleth when he wasn't in class. He claimed it was because he needed to feel useful to the team somehow since he thought his arm was impeding the dig. Byleth never protested his company. He never pushed her to talk about the crash or its lead up, instead chattering about history and whatever artifacts they were working with. It was both a pleasant distraction and a welcome motivator.

The door to the lab swung open and Byleth glanced up. Seteth strode in, looking more stressed than she'd seen him in a long time, not counting the look of despair he'd worn when he'd visited her at the hospital. Byleth straightened in her seat as Seteth hung his jacket by the door.

"Seteth?" she inquired to her advisor.

Seteth turned towards her when she spoke and Byleth caught the hint of guilt that rapidly spread across his face as he did so. Byleth frowned and pushed her chair back.

"What is it?" she demanded.

Seteth glanced at Harriet who was working away at her own computer with headphones in and he walked towards Byleth, sinking into the seat next to her. "I received some news today," he admitted.

He passed her a folder that he had been holding and Byleth flipped to the first page in it. It was a letter from the Fhirdiad Museum. She scanned it and felt her features twist into a scowl as she processed the words on the page.

"Cancel the dig? They want you to call it all off? Because of a car accident?"

Seteth sighed and took the folder back from her. "Byleth, you were run off the road. That's not just a car accident. You happened to be with three of the most famous youths in the country at the time while on an equipment retrieval trip for a sponsored dig. That's not good press."

Byleth huffed. "And we're all fine and still ready to work on the dig. They can't just cancel it! You've been working towards this for so long. We've only barely started the work we wanted to do. We just got structural approval for the eastern chambers and we're only now passing where Dr. Charon got to. If we don't do this now, there's no telling when the next time someone will be allowed to excavate down there."

Seteth's expression flashed with guilt again. "I was the one who proposed cancelling the dig," he admitted quietly. "There is no history or discovery that is worth the lives of students."

Byleth's hands slammed against the desk and she shot to her feet. Harriet looked over at the disturbance. "You don't even know that that was what any of this was about," she hissed. "You can't throw this away just because of one thing, Seteth."

Seteth looked tired, but he didn't argue with her. Byleth frowned and stepped away from her desk. She grabbed her purse and jacket from by the door and gave him one last hurt look.

"I'm going for lunch," she said shortly.

She made it almost out of the building when her phone started buzzing in her pocket. She huffed and fished it out, expecting to see Seteth's caller ID. It wasn't him calling so Byleth answered and pressed the phone against her face.

"Claude?"

"Teach! Exciting news! We've finally gotten everything organized for Friday so we can start inviting people now," he said cheerfully through the phone.

Byleth laughed faintly. "Inviting people?"

"It's Ignatz's birthday on Friday and we're having a surprise party for him. Consider this an official invite."

"A birthday party? Claude, I don't know," she began, but he cut her off.

"Don't worry about not knowing people. It's Ignatz, so we're keeping it relatively small. The whole undergrad dig team is getting invited, plus the archery team, plus our roommates so you'll probably know almost everyone that's there."

She huffed a laugh. "When and where?"

She could practically hear the smile on his face through the phone. "Friday at 9 at our place. I'll text you the address."

"I haven't said yes yet," she pointed out.

Claude chuckled. "You asked when. For you, Teach, that's a yes."

-

Golden Deer House, University Suburbs - 14 Lone Moon, 733 AU

Byleth knocked on the door with the backs of her knuckles. Her toe tapped against the stone of the doorstep as she took in the house again. It was a beautiful place: something much more extravagant than she had expected for a bunch of students. She had almost wondered if Claude had given her the wrong address until she saw the wire cutout of a deer stuck into the garden and she had chuckled to herself.

After a moment, the door swung inward and Byleth was met with a grinning Hilda. She blinked in surprise at the sight of another of her former students. Hilda's hair was pulled up and she was wearing a flashy silver top and a cute skirt. Hilda stepped backwards and gestured for Byleth to come inside.

"Uh, thanks," she mumbled. "And hi, Hilda, I didn't know you'd be here."

Hilda snorted a laugh as Byleth stepped inside and slid off her boots. "Wow Claude really didn't explain anything, did he? I live here. This whole place is a bunch of Golden Deer in our year. We've been living together since our second year."

"So, it's you, Claude, Ignatz, and," she trailed off, waiting for Hilda to continue the list.

"Lorenz, Marianne, Lysithea, Raphael, and Leonie. You know Lorenz and Lysithea, obviously. Marianne is my best friend and Raph and Ignatz are from the same small town. Leonie's from eastern Fódlan. Most of us are in fourth year, but little Lysithea is in her third year and Leonie's doing five years because of her job," Hilda explained, tapping her fingers as she counted out her roommates.

Byleth furrowed her brow. "Wait, Leonie Plinecky?"

Hilda blinked, her pink eyes widening a bit as Byleth caught her off guard. "Yeah. Do you know her?"

Byleth laughed to herself. "Yeah, she used to take self-defence from my dad," she explained.

Hilda shrugged. "Huh, small world I guess. Now, come on. Ignatz is already here and we did indeed scare the shit out of him with this party. You've got to say hello."

Hilda linked her elbow with Byleth's and dragged her through the living room towards what Byleth assumed to be the kitchen. She recognized a few of the faces in the living room that were drinking and playing games from around campus, the time she went to one of Claude's archery competitions or people Claude had exchanged words with when they had been together on various occasions.

In the kitchen, Byleth recognized more people. There was Ignatz, Lorenz, Annette, Ingrid, Lysithea, Dimitri, one of Dimitri and Ingrid's other friends with dark hair who she thought was named Felix, a boy she recognized from the archery team, plus a few others, and of course, Claude. Lorenz spotted them first and wandered over. Hilda dropped Byleth's arm and planted a light kiss on Lorenz's lips. Byleth blinked in surprise, but her attention was quickly drawn to Claude who had beelined to her side.

"Teach! You're late," he teased.

Byleth rolled her eyes. "You said 9, it's only 10."

"Hello Byleth," Ignatz said brightly. He was wearing a crooked birthday hat and Byleth laughed at both it and the blush on his cheeks.

"Happy birthday," she replied.

"Ignatz! I got it working!" the hulking young man next to Ignatz said, practically shoving his phone in the smaller boy's face.

Ignatz's smile grew and he took the phone. "Maya!" he greeted. Instantly some of the people in the kitchen giggled and started filing out of the room.

Byleth glanced at Claude curiously. He pressed a cup full of some sweet, alcoholic-smelling beverage into her hand and steered her back into the living room.

"That's Raphael," Claude said. "Ignatz is dating his little sister Maya, so that's who's on the phone there. They do long distance, but Ignatz is very sweet and loyal as I'm sure you could guess."

Byleth smiled. "That's sweet." Her eyes wandered the party until they landed on Hilda again who was tucked against Lorenz's side this time. She raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know that was a thing," she said quietly to Claude.

He followed her gaze and laughed. "Oh man, that's a heck of a story. They've been together for almost three years now though, so I guess it's working."

Byleth was about to press him for details when she felt a tug on the arm that Claude wasn't occupying. She turned, so that she didn't spill her drink, and found herself face to face with a grinning, pink-cheeked Annette.

"Hi, Byleth! I didn't know you were coming!" Annette said cheerfully.

Byleth smiled at her former student. "Yeah, it was kind of last minute, but I'm glad to be here." She sipped her drink and was momentarily impressed by the strength. Most university parties supplied watered-down drinks, but this was something pretty heavy-hitting.

"Claude, I bet that's your doing," said the young man standing next to Annette. He had slightly curly silver-coloured hair and bright green eyes. He was holding Annette's hand and Byleth knew she recognized him from the archery team.

Claude winked. "You bet, Ashe," he said.

"Claude!" a loud voice called suddenly, causing all four of them to turn towards the table where cups were lined up to play pong. "Just because you have a bum arm, don't think you're getting out of this!"

Byleth gave Claude a side-look. "Is that Leonie?"

He laughed. "Yeah. We make a decent pong pair and even the bad arm," he shifted the arm that was still in the sling, "apparently doesn't get me out of that."

Byleth took another long drink and looked back at Annette and Ashe. "I'm good here. Go play."

Claude grinned at her and Byleth felt her stomach warm. She turned back to Annette and Ashe and took another sip of her drink.

"I'm Byleth, by the way. I think we met very briefly once."

Ashe nodded. "Yeah, I think you came to an archery comp. You were the Archaeology TA, right?"

Annette nodded. "Yup! And she works with us on the excavation process."

Ashe brightened. "Oh yeah! That whole thing is so cool."

A girl with a long dark purple braid suddenly popped out of the crowd and grinned at them. "Annette, may I be borrowing your boyfriend? Claude challenged my pride and I intend to be showing him his place."

Annette laughed and nudged Ashe. "Of course, Petra. I'll come and watch too!"

Ashe and Petra immediately headed for where Claude had vanished off to. Annette lingered for a moment longer, glancing between Byleth and the table. "You should come watch," she suggested lightly.

Before Byleth could reply, Hilda had reappeared at her side, linking arms with her again. "I've got her from here, Annie. Go watch Ashe and Petra destroy Claude and Leonie again."

Annette grinned and vanished into the group of people. Hilda peered into Byleth's almost empty cup and immediately steered her back towards the kitchen to get a refill. She filled Byleth's cup and grabbed one of her own, waving at Ignatz and Raphael who were sitting in the corner still talking over Skype to Raph's sister. Hilda then dragged her out the opposite side of the kitchen into what was probably supposed to be a dining room. Ingrid, Dimitri, their friend, and a girl with faint, silvery-blue hair were sitting on the far side of the room, chatting, but they didn't seem to pay Hilda and Byleth any mind.

"So, you and Claude are pretty tight, aren't you?" Hilda said, turning back to her.

Byleth took a sip of her drink. "We're friends," she said. "He pestered me a bunch last semester until we started meeting up to discuss my research. Most of what we talk about is history related anyways," she deflected.

Hilda rolled her eyes. "Look, I've hooked up with Claude. I know what infatuated Claude looks like."

Byleth didn't know what was more surprising to her: the fact that Hilda and Claude had hooked up or the fact that Hilda thought Claude liked her. Hilda noted the surprise on Byleth's expression and laughed.

"Oh come on, you haven't heard that story? In first year, Claude and I were flirting it up when we both met Lorenz. Lorenz and I also hit it off. Claude and Lorenz naturally hated each other, but once they found out I was kind of seeing both of them they united into hating me for all of like two weeks until Claude got his head out of his ass and Lorenz and I had a chat. I'm kind of the whole reason this house exists since Lorenz and Claude hated each other before they both united against me."

Byleth laughed shortly unintentionally. "Wow, not sure that's something to be proud of."

Hilda shrugged, smirking. "Claude's my best friend and Lorenz and I have been steady for a couple of years. I think it worked out okay."

Byleth giggled lightly. "Sure, sure." Her gaze wandered to the other side of the room where there were the other four. "I know Ingrid and Dimitri, obviously, but who are the others?"

Hilda followed her gaze. "That's Felix, Ingrid's boyfriend, and Marianne, my best friend and totally not Dimitri's girlfriend." She said the last part sarcastically and Byleth smiled faintly.

Marianne was very pretty and Dimitri kept casting her quiet, affectionate looks. They certainly looked like a couple. Felix and Ingrid, on the other hand, were much less lovey-dovey looking, but they certainly looked comfortable with each other.

"Drama with that is that Ingrid was dating Felix's brother Glenn when he died. Ingrid and Felix got together a couple of months ago after a lot of dancing around," Hilda continued.

The story clicked in Byleth's head. She lowered her voice to an almost whisper. "Glenn died in the same crash that killed Dimitri's parents, right?"

Hilda nodded. "Yeah," her smile dropped a bit, "it's pretty sad." She shook her head and turned her full attention back to Byleth. "But, I'm here to bother you about Claude! What's really going on with you guys?"

Byleth shook her head. "Nothing, Hilda, I swear. We're friends." A spark of pain flared behind her eyes and Byleth grit her teeth. Her headaches had been more frequent and much worse since the crash and she had been hoping to get through the night without any more of them.

She downed the rest of her drink and felt the alcohol sting her throat as she swallowed. Hilda finally seemed to take the hint that there was nothing more to talk about and shrugged. She bid Byleth a farewell and darted back to the rest of the party to play hostess. Byleth cast Ingrid and Dimitri's group a glance and felt another headache rip through her mind.

She shook her head and slid out the side door of the dining room into the main hallway. Annette and Ashe had apparently migrated there and were chatting with Linhardt and a boy Byleth faintly recalled to be Linhardt's boyfriend. Pain pulsed in her skull again and she winced faintly. She needed to get somewhere quiet. She quickly slipped past the group and found a flight of stairs leading up. There appeared to be a glorious absence of loud music and chatter from upstairs so she headed up, massaging her temples as she went.

She closed her eyes briefly at the top of the stairs and almost keeled over as another sudden sharp pain flared behind her eyes. She saw white for a moment and something that she could have sworn was Annette and Ingrid's boyfriend Felix. Byleth staggered into the nearest room which happened to be the bathroom and sunk onto the floor. She leant against the cool bathtub and rubbed her temples.

A few more images flashed in her brain: Ashe and Petra wearing strange clothes, Lorenz and Marianne sharing tea, Ingrid riding horseback with a man who looked like her other friend Sylvain, and Dimitri extending a hand to Byleth with a soft smile on his face. She exhaled heavily and rubbed at her head, trying to get the images to fade.

"Byleth?" a voice called softly. She snapped her head up and saw Claude standing in the doorway of the bathroom, looking concerned. He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him, sealing out most of the noise from the party. "Are you alright?"

She smiled faintly as her headache pulsed again, but more weakly. "Just a headache. I needed a breather."

Claude drifted towards her and sat next to her, leaning his back against the tub as well. "I get that," he admitted. "Linhardt said he saw you heading up here and I figured I'd come to check in."

Byleth nodded. "Ah," she agreed faintly. The headache faded more until she was almost feeling like herself again, just definitely drunker than she normally was. "Did you and Leonie win?"

Claude snorted. "Nope. Ashe and Petra murdered us. Leonie mentioned that you guys know each other though."

Byleth smiled faintly and nodded. "Yeah, she knew my dad pretty well."

Claude winced. "Sorry."

Byleth shrugged. "It happens," she mumbled in reply.

"Are you really okay though? You kind of looked like you were in pain."

She shifted so that their shoulders were pressing against each other. "Headaches," she explained. "At first it was just the usual stuff I've been getting since the crash, but," she trailed off, not sure if she should mention the roiling feeling of wrong that had settled in her stomach since she'd first arrived at the party.

Claude twisted so that they were making eye contact, but their shoulders remained a point of contact. "But?" he prompted softly.

She sighed. She had trusted him with many of her strange dreams and feelings in the last eight months so she didn't see a reason to hide anything else from him. "I feel like everything is wrong. Everyone is talking to the wrong people. Everyone is acting strangely."

"The wrong people?"

"Annette and Felix, Ingrid and Sylvain, Lysithea and Linhardt, Lorenz and Marianne, Ashe and Petra," she listed off-handedly. "That feels right. Not, whatever is actually happening."

Claude's brows furrowed. "Strange," he mumbled. "Do you think this has anything to do with the dreams?"

Byleth dropped her gaze down and shrugged. "I have no idea," she confessed. Her head was starting to feel foggier and less painful. Claude's solid presence next to her felt comfortable.

She looked up and was almost taken aback by the startling green of his eyes. They had made eye contact dozens and dozens of times since they'd met, but he'd never induced the strange warmth in her stomach that she was feeling right then. She exhaled shallowly and studied his face.

Claude's breathing echoed hers as his eyes flicked over her face noticeably. She could smell a hint of alcohol on his breath and she knew that she herself was fairly tipsy, but she couldn't remove herself from the moment.

"Is this wrong too?" he asked quietly. Something unreadable and serious flashed in his eyes and Byleth's chest contracted a bit.

"Yes," she confessed just as softly.

"You're impossible to read sometimes," he said. "But," he inhaled slowly and Byleth watched his gaze noticeably dart to her lips, "I still think I'm crazy about you."

She leaned forward and kissed him.

His lips were warm and softer than she was expecting and he reciprocated the kiss immediately. It wasn't the best angle with them still awkwardly shoulder to shoulder and with their backs against the bathtub, but the kiss made something simmer warmly in her stomach. His shoulder shifted and his right hand, the uninjured one, came up and cupped her face as he pulled back to breathe before kissing her again.

Byleth felt a twinge of stiffness in her neck and a tightness in her chest due to the lack of air, so she leaned back, gasping. Looking into Claude's heavy, green-eyed gaze, the words he'd spoken to her sunk in and Byleth's whole being twisted viciously with a sense of wrong. She jerked back away from his touch, her neck protesting the movement. Her palms thudded against the bathroom tile to catch her weight before she tipped to the ground.

Claude looked startled. "By," he started gently.

Byleth's breathing sped up. It was shallow and fast and the room suddenly felt too warm. "I have to go," she said suddenly.

Hurt flashed across Claude's expression as she scrambled to her feet, ignoring her alcohol-induced wobbliness and the headache that had sprung back to the front of her mind. He looked like he was about to protest again so she bolted.

-

Infirmary, Garreg Mach Monastery - 2 Lone Moon, 7 AU

Byleth came to feeling like she had been trampled by a pegasus. Her body was aching and there was a sharper, razor-like throb from the side of her ribs. She blinked and saw a faint glimmer of candlelight nearby. There was a blurry figure sitting next to her, dabbing a cool cloth on her forehead. The cloth jerked back as Byleth blinked again and she heard a familiar gasp.

"Professor!" the familiar voice exclaimed and Byleth's vision cleared enough that she saw Annette sitting next to her, looking incredibly relieved.

Byleth's throat felt dry and sore when she tried to speak. Her words came out breathy and almost as a whisper. "What happened?"

For a second, her mind was blank, but when Annette's features twisted into deeper concern, the memories came rushing back. Byleth jolted and immediately tried to sit up, ignoring the lingering pain in her side.

"Dimitri!" she exclaimed.

"Please, Professor!" Annette said sternly, gently pressing her back into the mattress. "You were very hurt. You need to stay down."

Byleth listened, settling back against the mattress, but a cold fear spread to her limbs. "Where is Dimitri?" she asked again.

Annette sighed slowly. "He's going to be alright. Don't worry."

The cold panic and fear drained away slowly and she tilted her head a bit, checking out the rest of the room. There was no one else in the infirmary besides the two of them, but one of the other beds looked like it had had some recent use.

"Where is he?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"I believe he's with Sylvain, Ashe, Dedue, and Felix," Annette answered. She furrowed her brows at Byleth. "You were both hit with powerful dark magic spells, Professor, but I think the fact that he wasn't also stabbed helped with that."

Annette fetched Byleth some water and sent a monk to fetch Mercedes while she answered more of Byleth's questions. She had been unconscious for almost two full days. Dimitri had woken up in the afternoon yesterday. They hadn't caught any of the people who had attacked them. No one else was hurt or targeted in the attack. The perpetrators hadn't left much of a trace besides the magic traces on Byleth and Dimitri after they'd been knocked down.

Byleth recalled the blade suddenly. "I need to talk to Sylvain," she said breathlessly.

"You're not going anywhere until I check you over, Professor," Mercedes called from the entrance to the infirmary. "That magic did a number on both you and Dimitri, but I've never seen anyone react to it quite like you did, Professor."

Byleth frowned. "Annette, please fetch my husband and the others. Especially Sylvain. It's important."

Annette nodded and Mercedes took her place, asking Byleth a million questions about how she was feeling and if she was in any pain. After another Heal spell and a few more swallowed herbs, Mercedes checked the sword wound. It was almost completely healed, but the healer let out a startled gasp that had Byleth twisting her shirt up further to try and see what Mercedes had seen.

She had basically removed it when she saw it: a burn scar kind of in the shape of a star right over her heart. The skin was tender, but the burn appeared to have healed itself and Byleth recalled the intensity of the wave of white magic she had released to repel their attackers.

"What is that?" she asked quietly.

Mercedes shook her head, looking puzzled. "It looks like a white magic burn. Dimitri didn't mention they used white magic too."

Byleth exhaled slowly. She knew where the burn had come from, but how was she supposed to tell her dear friend that it had been self-inflicted by the power sizzling in her veins that was eating her alive. Before anything else could be said, there was a sharp rap at the door and Byleth yanked her shirt down, making herself decent.

"Come in," she called before Mercedes could ask for a bit more time.

Dimitri burst into the room and hightailed it to her side. He basically fell to his knees next to her and Byleth saw the hurt and pain and love in his gaze as he reached up to touch her face. "You're alright," he breathed.

"You're okay too," she replied, lifting one of her own hands to cup his jaw.

Their moment was interrupted by the arrival of the rest of their friends and Dimitri quickly stood and pulled up a chair next to Byleth's bed. He and Mercedes helped her sit up so that she could face all of her friends. The entire group of her former students were present, minus Felix and Ingrid.

"Sylvain," Byleth started, focussing on the northern Faerghus noble. "Has Sreng ever struck this far south?"

He seemed alarmed at her question and shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "They press at the border, but I've never heard of them striking at the heart of Fódlan."

Byleth exhaled warily. "How has the border been?"

He frowned. "Chaotic. They come and go, but I had believed we were reaching an agreement recently since I took over for my father."

"The blade had Sreng lettering," Byleth confessed.

Annette's breath hitched. "What?" she squeaked.

Dimitri looked troubled at the news. "It did?"

Byleth closed her eyes, conjuring the memory of it. She was quite sure. "It did."

Sylvain ran a hand through his hair, looking distressed. "The Sreng people are warriors. They do a lot of weapons trading. Perhaps this was an attempt to frame them."

Dedue folded his arms and looked down, something dark crossing his expression. "This information mustn't leave this room. There will be slaughters if it gets out."

"Yes," Seteth agreed as he strode into the room. He dipped his head to both Byleth and Dimitri in respect. "It is good to see you are recovering Your Grace, Your Majesty. I agree with Dedue here that we must not let the word of a potential attack from Sreng get out. In fact, I would recommend we try to limit the spread of the attack entirely. It would not do well to know that someone got close enough to render both of you unconscious."

Ashe nodded. "I asked Petra and our guards to return to Brigid without me. If the information does get out, I would like her not to be here. Foreign powers interfering at a time like this would be bad." He looked guilty for a moment and Byleth knew it was the guilt of leaving his wife so soon after they had been wed as equals in Brigid. "I hope my skills are still welcomed here," he added quietly.

Byleth nodded. "Ashe, you are always welcome. I agree with Seteth, though." She looked around the room at her trusted friends. "News of the attack does not leave this room," she said sternly.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

-

Garreg Mach Monastery - 9 Lone Moon, 7 AU

Byleth was in the market when she heard the crowing of a wyvern. She snapped her head up and spotted the white beast descending towards the stable, followed by a brown wyvern. Her lips parted in surprise. She knew that wyvern and she had no idea what it was doing here. She smiled politely to the vendor she had been speaking with and excused herself, making quickly towards the stables.

Claude was assisting his two companions down off of the second mount by the time she had arrived. Byleth's steps faltered and she stared at the Almyran King for a long time. Claude helped Lysithea down and said something quietly to the third new arrival, Linhardt, before he turned and finally noticed her. He grinned.

"Hello, Your Grace," he said lightly. There was a familiar teasing lilt to his voice and Byleth could only stare dumbly at him.

"What are you doing here, Claude?" she demanded after a moment.

His grin twisted into a sly smirk. "I figured you could use a dark magic specialist and someone who has some ideas who might be interesting to you," he offered, gesturing to Lysithea and then Linhardt.

Lysithea brushed off her skirt and sent Claude a dirty look. "He's being evasive, as always, but he did bring us some interesting news."

Byleth furrowed her brow and stared at Claude again. "How did you know?"

He shrugged. "I'm good at knowing things."

Byleth scowled at him. "This information wasn't supposed to leave the monastery grounds," she said firmly.

Claude winked. "Good thing we're on the grounds then." Byleth scowled, but he continued before she could interrupt him. "Gather your group. This information is probably more than you're expecting."

-

They met in Byleth's study. Dedue, Mercedes, Ashe, Dimitri, Claude, Lysithea, Seteth, and Linhardt stood and sat around the room each wearing an expression of varied discomfort and concern. Sylvain, Felix, and Annette had had to return home for their children's sakes and Sylvain was also looking into the Sreng lead.

Byleth turned the paper in her hands over. It bore Hubert's writing and detailed the activities of the dark group that had assisted in the Empire during the Unification War. Linhardt had presented it to her along with a few more just like it that he had recovered from the Vestra estate after the war. Apparently he had been doing his own research from Ordelia territory where he had settled with Lysithea after the two of them successfully had Lysithea's Crests removed and dissolved her noble house.

Claude, of course, had gotten wind of their work and the attack at Garreg Mach and had apparently drawn a thread connecting the two. He had brought them to the monastery to discuss their research and Lysithea's past experience with them. She shared her horrible childhood trauma where she had had her second Crest implanted and Dimitri's breath caught when she had described the fading of her hair's pigment and the weakness the second Crest had imposed upon her.

The group, dubbed Those Who Slither in the Dark, according to Hubert's notes, were apparently vehemently against the children of the goddess and had fantastical weaponry and dark magic mages, including Cornelia and Solon. Dedue and Dimitri had both stiffened when Byleth had read about Cornelia and her involvement in what Hubert described as the orchestrated Tragedy of Duscur.

Byleth placed the last letter down on her desk and frowned. "Claude, you're saying these people are the ones who attacked Dimitri and I?"

He shrugged. "I don't know, but it certainly seems more likely than a Sreng invasion and assault to me. If I had to guess, I would say their target was just you, Byleth, and that Dimitri was meant more as a personal attack. If you give Linhardt and me more time, we could probably work with Hubert's notes more and figure out where they're hiding. Then we can remove them and remove the threat entirely."

"No," Seteth cut in sharply. His face was pale and Byleth bit her lip as she studied her advisor. "Doing so will only create bigger targets on both His Majesty and Her Grace. If you pursue this, they could only come after you harder and if you're wrong, then you are chasing empty threads into the wind and letting the true culprits get away."

Lysithea scowled. "We're not wrong. The Hades spell that struck Byleth and Dimitri was strong enough to take them both down. I know that spell," she asserted. "I have met very few people who could cast it at that strength. We're not wrong."

"Even so," Dedue said, "I agree with Seteth. We can look into it, but His Majesty and Her Grace should not be leading any charges. It endangers them too much."

Dedue's compromise settled the animosity in the room, but Byleth felt frustrated. She was tired of being protected. These attackers had tried to kill both her and her husband in their home. She wanted to remove them personally. Dimitri looked conflicted and Byleth instantly understood. He felt the same way she did, but he obviously did not want to put her in any more danger, just like how she wanted to keep him from further danger. Claude had said the target was likely just her, so she wanted to protect Dimitri as much as she wanted.

She took a deep breath. "I give you permission to look into this further," she conceded. "But, no one will be taking any offensive action until we reassess."

Dimitri frowned at her, but he didn't argue. Dedue and Seteth looked placated and Mercedes and Ashe nodded in agreement as well. Linhardt gave her a cryptic look but didn't argue. Lysithea huffed and narrowed her eyes. Claude simply studied her, his expression unreadable. Byleth inclined her chin and refused to show her hand.

"Now, I believe this discussion has concluded. We should all go for dinner." She smiled at Lysithea and Linhardt. "We have friends visiting, after all."

Her companions accepted her suggestion and began making their way out of the room. Claude and Dimitri lingered until it was only the three of them left. Dimitri looked between her and Claude twice, but the Almyran King didn't even flinch.

"My love," Byleth said gently, "I would like to speak with Claude briefly about handling private matters of state. We'll join you in a few minutes."

Dimitri looked only partially convinced, but he kissed Byleth gently on the lips and made his way out of the room, leaving her alone with Claude. Claude raised an eyebrow at the door as it shut behind Dimitri.

"Private matters?" he inquired.

Byleth took a deep breath and folded her hands atop the desk. "We're going to finish this," she said firmly. "We stamp them out and remove the threat as soon as you figure out where they would be."

Claude's eyes narrowed. "You didn't send everyone away to tell me you're going against the direct council of your closest companions."

"No," Byleth agreed. "I sent everyone away to tell you we're going to do this without Dimitri."

[mythicalowl]

Try Again - Jeff Atkins

Summary: Due to their shared determination to succeed in life, Jeff and Y/N had been torn apart into different directions. But now, in a party where everything is forgotten, can they find a way to save what the have?

**

“Tell me you’re not still hung up on him?” My eyes drifted to meet those of Hannah Baker, who was sat opposite me with a pair of judging eyes, awaiting my response even though she already knew the answer.

“I’m not still hung up on him.” I responded in a quiet tone, forcing myself to keep my gaze from darting back to the brown haired boy who had just entered the cafeteria. 

“He dumped you. Shouldn’t you be angry with him?” She raised an eyebrow at me as I rolled my eyes with a sigh, shoving a fry into my mouth. 

“Are you stereotyping me right now?” I challenged her and she only shook her head with a smile in response before turning her attention to Jessica, who was sat on the next table over. 

“Are you going to the party tonight?” She questioned as I continued to munch on my food with little interest. 

“Nope.” I responded bluntly, glancing around the room as she turned to look at me. 

“Why not?” She frowned and I turned my gaze to her with a blank expression, expecting her to know this answer already. 

“You know I don’t like parties.” I mumbled and she rolled her eyes with an exasperated sigh in return before shooting me what I assumed was a playful glare. 

“Jeff will be there.” She stated in a teasing tone, but I only sent her an unimpressed look. 

“All the more reason not to go.” I offered a sarcastic smile with my words, but her expression told me she was completely unamused. 

“Oh, come on. Don’t make me go alone.” She pleaded with a groan as I reached across the table to throw my rubbish in the bin. 

“You won’t be alone, you’re going because Clay is going, aren’t you?” I questioned her while glancing across the hall at the boy in question, who was sat at a table with Alex, his face just as serious as always. 

“God, Jeff really had an effect on you.” I froze slightly at her words, feeling my heart sink slowly as my eyes darted quickly to the dark haired boy. I was surprised to see that his eyes were already on me, swimming with an emotion I couldn’t read. I swiftly shifted my gaze over to Hannah, who slammed a hand over her mouth. 

“Oh my god, I’m an idiot. I’m so sorry!” She exclaimed frantically, a panicked and guilty look on her face. 

“It’s okay. You can talk about him. I’m not going to break at the mention of his name.” I forced a small smile to back up my words, which, I couldn’t lie, were anything but the truth. 

“Can I ask you something?” She had an uneasy frown on her face as I searched her expression cautiously. Nodding gently, I remained silent as a cue for her to continue. 

“Why did you break up?” She asked, gazing at me cautiously as if she expected me to break at any minute. But I wouldn’t. I didn’t want anyone, not even my best friend, to have the satisfaction of knowing that I was still hurting. That every thought of him, every glimpse of his smile was enough to make me want to run home and hide. I couldn’t let anyone see that when he seemed so... happy? Without me. 

“He had his commitments to baseball, I had mine to my studies. We were both working a lot and it drove us apart I guess.” I kept my answer vague and my voice quiet, as if afraid that he would hear me and immediately sense the pain that was hidden in my tone. Jeff was always good at that, knowing when something wasn’t right. Sometimes I never even had to say anything, he would just know. 

A sympathetic expression rested on her features and I avoided her gaze, not wanting the pity she was offering. 

“You’re coming to that party.” She stated matter-of-factly. 

“I already told you, I don’t want to go.” I mumbled with a frown, but she only jumped up from her seat, pulling her bag over her shoulder. 

“You’re coming and that’s it. I’ll meet you at yours at seven!” I felt the need to slam my head against the table top, groaning in frustration as she sprinted out of the cafeteria doors. With a heavy sigh, I shoved my belongings back into my bag and stood up, beginning to walk towards the doors when I met eyes with Jeff once again. 

God, I hoped he wouldn’t be there. 

**

“Looks like it’s already started.” Hannah commented as we arrived at the house, my arms wrapped around me in an attempt to keep warm after having walked through the cold night for the past thirty minutes. 

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I questioned uncertainly, my eyes darting around the house cautiously with a small frown on my lips. 

It wasn’t that I hadn’t been to a party before, I’d been to a few here and there. But those times I was with Jeff, who didn’t leave my side the whole night, no matter where we were. This time, I was facing the scene without him and I didn’t quite know what to think of that. 

“It’s the perfect idea. Come on!” Hannah grabbed my hand with a grin and began yanking me towards the house excitedly. 

When we entered the room, I looked around slowly, trying to familiarise myself with the scene. I’d been to Jessica’s house a few times, but tonight it was completely crowded with people, something that hadn’t happened those other times. 

“Do you want to get a drink?” I nodded my head in response to Hannah’s question, following her towards the kitchen as she nudged her way through the teenagers that stumbled drunkenly around the room. 

“What do you want?” She turned to me as we reached the table, glancing around the room as if in search of something. Or someone, also known as Clay. 

“A coke, Please.” I offered a smile, attempting to hide my nerves, as she stepped across to the fridge and pulled out a can of coke, pouring it into a red cup. 

“Any alcohol?” She glanced back at me and I shook my head in response, watching as she grabbed the cup and held it out for me to take with a grin. 

“Thanks.” I took the cup gently, one hand holding it, while the other danced around the rim slowly, watching as the bubbles fizzed inside the liquid. 

“Still don’t drink?” My head snapped up at the sound of an all too familiar voice and I almost did a double take at the sight of the one and only Jeff Atkins, who was stood beside me, leant against the counter with a cup in his hands. 

I glanced at Hannah, who shrugged before sending me a thumbs up and running in the other direction. My eyes widened slightly and I turned my attention back to the boy, who was gazing down at me with a look I hadn’t seen for months. 

“I am drinking.” I responded while gesturing to the plastic cup in my hand, avoiding his gaze as he shifted slightly beside me. 

“You know what I meant, Y/L/N.” I kept my gaze on my cup, knowing well that if I brought my eyes to those that belonged to him, he’d break me once again. I couldn’t bring myself to find those orbs that I once loved... still love. 

“How have you been?” He asked, his voice softening considerably as I strained to hear his words completely over the thumping music and loud chatter. 

“Good.” I almost choked on the lie that slipped past my lips, lifting my cup to take a sip in an attempt to hide the truth from him. Jeff knew me too well, I knew that if I gave the simplest tell of a lie, he’d catch onto that and immediately find out the truth. The truth that I’d spent weeks after our breakup moping around, struggling to find a way back to a normal life without him in it, battling to put a smile on my face in public, when in private I couldn’t get through the tears. 

I had slowly began to recover, learning how to live with the pain I felt every time I saw him smile and know that I couldn’t be the reason for it anymore, or the jealousy every time I saw him talking to another girl because I knew that he wasn’t mine anymore, that I couldn’t feel secure watching any other girl with him because there was no chance of him finding his way back to me at the end of the day. 

“That's... good.” His pause made me question whether or not he had already picked up on my lie, but I prayed, for my benefit, he was just as disappointed as I was that our conversations had become so... distant. 

“Yeah...” I mumbled, gazing down at the liquid in my cup as it swirled around, creating bubbles that fizzed wildly before disappearing. 

“Can we talk? Somewhere else?” I paused my movements, caught off guard by his words. My gaze began to drift towards him slowly, when I snapped it back to my cup, shaking myself from my daze. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea-” I began to object when suddenly a soft hand placed itself on my chin, softly pulling me to meet the eyes that I was so desperately avoiding. 

“Please?” He whispered, his eyes searching mine while I questioned whether to pull away from his close proximity, but even if I should have, I couldn’t. Because even after all of the weeks, months, of forcing myself to try and feel hatred for him, this is what I wanted. To be near him again, for him to look at me with the same love that he did just two months ago. 

Wordlessly, I nodded, not able to find words to answer as his presence seemed to cause my throat to close up. He released a breath before nodding gently, slowly stepping away from me and taking my hand gently to lead me out of the kitchen. 

I followed him out to the edge of the garden, trying to ignore the warmth I felt from his touch as his thumb stroked gentle circles on the back of my hand, an action he used to do a lot as he knew it was something that calmed my nerves immensely. 

When he pulled to a stop, he turned to look at me, the music considerably quieter and the chatter a distance away. 

“Do you remember the first party we ever went to together?” Jeff suddenly asked, causing me to glance at him with a confused frown, watching as he folded his arms across his chest and gazed up at the house ahead of us, his hand releasing mine and causing my heart to sink at the loss of contact. 

“Of course I do. Zach’s ‘start of the year party’.” I couldn’t help but smile slightly at the memory. I was nervous to make an appearance at Zach’s party, seeing as Jeff and I had only been dating for a month and I hadn’t had the chance to properly meet his friends. However, I was surprised by how friendly those I met were, immediately conversing with me the minute I arrived. But my favourite memory was the fact that Jeff never once left my side, the same as every other party we ever went to. No matter where we were, or what we were doing, he always had contact with me in some way, whether it was holding my hand, or pulling me into his side protectively to keep me from disappearing into the crowds. 

“Do you remember playing beer pong that night?” He questioned, and when I glanced at him, I noticed the way his lips twitched slightly, lifting into a small smirk. 

“I remember you playing beer pong.” I stated, beginning to relax slightly as I stood beside him, my eyes dancing across the teenagers dotted around the garden and chatting excitedly. 

“Okay, well do you remember why I was playing beer pong?” My eyebrows furrowed in confusion once again as I tried to recall. 

“No, you wouldn’t tell me. I guessed it was because you just like beer pong.” I replied, causing him to chuckle lightly. His laugh brought a small smile to my face that I struggled to hide, butterflies circling my stomach at the simple thought of being his reason to laugh once again. 

“That's true, but no. Justin and Bryce made a bet with me... said that if I lost then-” He paused, his face falling slightly as he released a heavy sigh. “Then I’d have to break up with you.”

“You bet our relationship?” I tried to hide the hurt in my tone, but I couldn’t. How had I not known this before. 

“I was and idiot. I let my drunk ass get the better of me and I nearly lost you.” He admitted and I let his words sink in before developing a frown. 

“Wait- but- you lost beer pong that day?” I frowned, turning my head to face him with a puzzled expression as he dropped his head, gazing down at his feet momentarily. 

“Yeah, I did. And I was supposed to end things then and there.” He explained, only confusing me further. I remained silent, giving him the sign to continue his explanation. 

“But then I looked at you... I looked at you and I realised for the first time that I was in love with you.” He turned around, gazing down at me as I brought my eyes up to meet his own. 

“Was?” I choked out with a forced smile. 

“Am. I am in love with you.” He whispered, one of his hands reaching to place itself on my waist and pulling me towards him while the other lifted up to softly cup my chin, holding my gaze on his own.

I searched his face for any sign of deception, as if afraid that this wasn't real, that he was going to walk away any moment and leave me broken once again. But I knew Jeff, and just as he knew when I was lying, I knew when he was too. 

And he wasn’t.

“I love you too, Jeff.” I admitted with a small smile, suddenly feeling a lump form in my throat, my vision blurring slightly as a grin lit up his face. 

He swiftly lowered his head, placing his lips against mine as I melted against him. After two months of trying to remove him from my life, it was now I find myself running back to him without question, but I wouldn’t change that for the world. I wanted him. Needed him. And now, I finally had him again. 

“God, I missed you.” He whispered against my lips with a smile, causing me to laugh lightly as a joyful tear slipped over and ran down my cheek slowly. He lifted his hand to wipe it away carefully before wrapping his arms around my waist and pulled me into his embrace, burying his head in the crook of my neck as I sighed contentedly, happily accepting the warmth he was offering. 

“Jeff?” My voice was slightly muffled from my position of being cuddled into him. 

“Yeah, Princess?” I smiled gently at the familiar nickname. 

“I’m sorry.” I whispered into his shirt, hoping he wouldn’t suddenly decide that after everything he didn’t want me anymore. But instead, his response was to pull me closer, if possible. 

“I’m sorry, too. Try again?” He questioned, and I swore I could hear a hint of fear in his tone which cause me to bury myself further into his arms, holding onto him as tight as I could. I didn’t want to lose him again, not ever. 

“Try again.”

**

Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed :)

[alindakb]

Letters to my Parents - Monday 29 August 1994 - by Alinda

Monday 29 August 1994

Dear mom and dad,

I think I had the best birthday ever this year. Draco arrived on the morning of my birthday, kissing me awake. It was good to have him in my arms again, to have him close. I hate it when he’s not with me. Draco said he had the worst month of his life, trying to avoid his father as much as he could and missing me like crazy. And then he went off to go make me breakfast while I showered and got dressed.

When I got downstairs Draco just finished our breakfast. I think Sirius was impressed that Draco knows how to cook and I could see he was trying really hard to be civil with Draco. Draco is really polite towards Sirius and all that crazy pure blood etiquette is showing when he’s around Sirius. I don’t think it really helps, that it just pisses off Sirius even more. But I love how Draco tries to impress my Godfather and proof he’s a decent person.

Oh, I need to tell you about the awkward conversation I had with Sirius the day before my birthday. He said that he had a talk with Moony and that realised that it was pointless to try to keep me and Draco apart at night, that if even Snivellus can’t make it happen it would be hopeless. It took me a couple of seconds to understand Sirius mend Professor Snape with that. I wanted to say something about that but didn’t get the chance and the topic Sirius started was so horrifying it slipped my mind for some time.

Sirius gave me the sex talk. It was awkward, he stumbled over his words and I just wanted the ground below me to open up and swallow me whole. He said you would have given me the talk too if you were still alive dad, and Sirius wanted to make sure I was safe and protected. He asked me if Draco and I had already done anything more than kiss and I didn’t know what to say. He took my silence as a yes and said he knows forbidding me to do anything while Draco is here is useless, that he was young once too. So instead he thought me how to cast a strong silencing charm and gave me a book that explains spells that can help when penetrating each other.

I tried to shut him up by saying hadn’t done that and I think Sirius was relieved to hear that. He went on that Draco and I are still very young and that I shouldn’t do anything I don’t want to. I promised I wouldn’t and then fled the room. Draco has looked into the book and says it’s interesting, says I should read it for when we want to take that step, so I also know what to expect. I don’t know if I want that, but on the other hand, the idea of being that close and intimate with Draco makes me feel all fussy inside.

But back to my birthday. We had breakfast and then Draco and I just hanged out in the garden. The family Tonks and Professor Lupin, who keeps insisting I call him Remus or Moony, joined us. Mrs Tonks had baked a cake for my party and prepared all these crazy dishes for lunch. It was nice to see Sirius light up with Remus around.

Around four all my friends arrived. It was nice to have Hermione, Blaise, Greg, Daphne and Luna come over to my home during the summer. We had a lot of fun. Mrs Tonks had put 14 candles on my cake, which was delicious. We hung out in the garden and everyone told me about their own summer adventures. Blaise had been to some tropical island, Greg and Daphne had met up several times during break and Hermione explained how she helped out her parents with their work. Luna was fascinated by the way muggles take care of their teeth.

Sirius had ordered pizza’s for dinner and made a bonfire in the garden when it became dark and chilly. I have no idea till how late we all stayed outside and talked, but it was amazing to celebrate my birthday this way.

A couple of nights after my birthday I had this crazy dream. I woke up with my hand pressed over my face and a worried Draco next to me. My scar hurt like it was burning and I was glad that Draco was here to hold me and tell me it was all just a dream. I told him I’d seen a snake and had heard Wormtail talk to Voldemort. I couldn’t see Voldemort and when the chair he was sitting on got turned around I woke up from the horror of it. And there had been an old man who got killed and Voldemort spoke of a person they had killed and the person they were plotting to kill, that last one being me.

But the dream was not the thing that scared me. I was scared because my scar hurt. The only other time it had was when Voldemort was close. Draco checked by looking out the window, but he assured me there was no sign of the Dark Lord or any of his followers outside. The little park in front of the house was deserted this late at night. Draco got back into bed and pulled me down with him and hold me until I finally fell back asleep.

The next morning we talked to Sirius about my scar hurting and he was not pleased. He said that I should not worry, that he was just overreacting, but he left that afternoon to talk to Dumbledore about it. He also talked about signs, and that we should all be careful. He gave Draco a look before he left. I hate it when he does that, look at Draco like he’s the enemy. Draco hates it too, he tries so hard to get on Sirius’ good side but nothing seems to convince him that Draco is not a bad person.

This Tuesday we went over to the family Tonks so we could take a very early Port-key to the Quidditch World Cup. Sirius had gotten tickets from the Ministry for his wrongful imprisonment. We were all very excited to go. We had six tickets and we went together with Draco, Tonks, Remus and Mr Tonks. Mrs Tonks made us an amazing dinner the night before and promised to wake us all up in time. It felt like she woke us up way too early. Draco was even cranky, and he’s the morning person of both of us. I was just glad she didn’t say anything about the fact that Draco hadn’t slept in the bed she made for him but instead had again crawled into mine.

We had to get up so early to take the Port-key. It was just for me and Draco, all the others could apparate but they said it would be more fun if we would all go together as a group. Tonks regretted that decision in the morning, complained that it was too early, that her head hadn’t recovered yet and Remus jokes she should have drunk less. It sounded like he, Sirius and Tonks had a little party last night when we were already in bed.

On our walk, Sirius and Remus told us all about how good you were at Quidditch, dad. They talked about the boring training they would watch, while Remus and Peter would do homework and Sirius would just try to distract Moony. Tonks piped in on how she loved flying against Charlie when she was on the team during her time at Hogwarts. And then I told them how good Draco is as a chaser and that he was voted our new team captain. Everyone congratulated him, even Sirius, who said it was a great responsibility and that he should remember not to favour any players above others (meaning me). Draco promised he would try to and that he was really excited about it.

We didn’t take the Port-key with just us six. When we got at the location Cedric Diggory and his father were already there. Draco and I both agree that Cedric is extremely handsome. He’s about seventeen and is the captain and seeker of the Hufflepuff team. His father got all excited when he noticed that I was along everyone. He looked at my scar and it made me a little uncomfortable.  Draco squeezed my hand and it made me feel a little better. Until Cedric’s father looked at our locked hands like we were contagious. Cedric noticed and mouthed a sorry towards us.

When it was time we all gathered around the Port-key and Mr Tonks counted down from three and then it happened. It felt like a hook just behind my navel had suddenly jerked me irresistibly forward. My feet left the ground but I could still feel Draco’s hand in mine and I knew it was okay. We were speeding forward in a howl of wind and swirling colours until my feet slammed onto the ground and we were at our destination. Both Draco and I fell over and Tonks laughed at us. We had arrived at a misty moor and were told by the ministry officials (who were very jealous about Tonks not being on duty for the Quidditch World Cup) which campsite we had to go to. Cedric and his father were on a different campsite, so we parted ways with them and set off to our own campsite.

The landlord of our campsite was a muggle and was really confused about all the crazy people that had pre-booked and looked like crazy people that kept showing up. Mr Tonks had a nice chat with him. Being Muggle-born, he was able to settle the man a little and he showed us on a little map where our site was. The entire field was filled with tents, some of them looked muggle, but a lot of them didn’t. Our spot was at the edge of the wood at the end of the field. With the guidance of Mr Tonks, we set up two small tents. One for Tonks and her father, and one for Sirius, Remus, Draco and I. The tent looked very small from the outside, but once you would get in it was pretty large. It had two bedrooms, both with bunk beds. Sirius told us we could have one just for the two of us, as long as we promised to keep our hands to ourselves.

Once the tents were done, Draco and I went out to get some water from the tap. It was amazing to see the many wizards and witches around us. I never really thought about how many there were in Britain, let alone in the entire world. And there were little kids with magic, playing with their parents' wands and flying small broomsticks. Draco saw me gaping at them and he told me he still has his somewhere at the manor if I wanted to go give it a try. I pushed him a little away from me and we both laughed before our hands linked again. I felt really good that day, just hanging with Draco at a campsite filled with people from all over the world that were just as magical as me.

The only downside was that sometimes people would look at us, see how close we were and that we were holding hands, and then would say nasty things. Sirius had warned me that not all wizards and witches are okay with people being bent, and I know that there are kids at school who also think its wrong, but it still hurts a little when they show their hatred of people like us.

One small spot of the campsite was covered in shamrocks and was filled with Irish people. Seamus Finnigan and his best friend Dean Thomas among them. We had a little chat with them, Seamus was sure that Ireland was going to win, no matter what. We agreed and then moved on so we could talk about Victor Krum, the Bulgarian Seeker. He looks a bit grumpy most of the time, but he’s an amazing flier. And he’s only eighteen years old. He’s been in Quidditch Weekly a couple of times and his skills are impressive. I wish I could fly like that. (Draco says I should tell you that he thinks I fly even better than Krum)

We also ran into Terence Higgs, who introduced us to his parents and told us that he had dropped out of his potions masters studies because he got signed by the Puddlemere United reserve team. I told him Draco was made captain of the team now that Marcus had graduated and Terence said the right man got that job. A little further we saw Adrian and Miles who waved at us while they cooked breakfast for their families.

Ron Weasley was also at the campsite, together with his brothers, his little sister, his father and Neville Longbottom. Fred and George greeted us with big smiles on their faces and Ginny was all shy around me. Ron said that she worshipped me still, even though it was clear I would never love her back. But more interesting were the older brothers, Bill and Charlie. Bill is a curse breaker with long hair and earrings and Charlie works with Dragons in Roumania. He’s got tattoos and burn marks all over his body. I think Ron didn’t like that we had more attention for his brothers than for him.

When we got back to the tents everyone had settled around a nice fire and we eat some amazing sandwiches that Mrs Tonks had prepared for us. Sirius and Tonks were having a loud discussion about who would win the match and Draco and I sneaked off to the woods behind the tents to have a nice little snug fest. Before we got back to the tent again we bought some omnioculars, very fancy magical binoculars that can replay, slow down and have flash up play-by-play breakdown.

And then a deep, booming gong sounded somewhere beyond the woods, and at once, green and red lanterns blazed into life in the trees, lighting a path to the field. We made our way to the stadium and up to the top box all the way at top of the stairs. The top box was at the highest point of the stadium situated exactly halfway between the golden goal posts. Sirius made sure we got to sit on the front row seats. In the beginning, it was just us at the top together with a house-elf, but soon more people made it to the top box, including the Minister, Cornelius Fudge who greeted me like I was an old friend of his. He introduced me to the Bulgarian minister and introduced himself to Draco, but ignored Sirius, Tonks and Remus the best he could. Remus later said that the minister didn’t want to been seen with a werewolf, a metamorphmagus and a reminder of his failure when it comes to Sirius.

Not long after that, Draco’s father and mother arrived. They took places just behind me and Draco. Draco hugged his mother shortly and said a formal hello to his father. I also greeted them, in the hope that one day they would consider me worthy enough for their son. At that moment I understood why Draco was trying so hard when it came to Sirius. I know Draco kind of hates his father at the moment, but he’s still his father and I want him to like me. Not that Sirius was any help with that. He and Lucius greeted each other with a look of dismay. Draco’s mother made a little more effort and said it was nice to see Sirius again. She did the same with Mr Tonks and she introduced herself to Tonks, saying it was good to finally meet her. Tonks just nodded and turned back around in her seat, not interested in her aunt at all. She later told Draco she’s glad he’s not as narrow-minded as his parents. I know Draco struggled with this, he really loves his mother and I agree with him, she’s lovely. She really helped me last year when I had run away from the Dursleys.

The game then began with the Bulgarian mascots, Veela’s. It was crazy to see how they impacted all the man around us, except for me, Draco and Sirius. Sometimes it’s nice to be bent and not interested in women. We could hear Draco’s mother whisper to his father to get a grip and Mr Tonks was on the front of his seat to get a better look. Tonks pulled him back to make sure he wouldn’t fall out of the box. Next were the Leprechauns, the Irish mascots. They made it rain gold, but Sirius warned us that the gold would disappear so that it was no use trying to catch it.

And then both teams were introduced and the game was happening right in front of us. It was an amazing game. The speed of the players was incredible and I missed the first goal because I slowed my omnioculars down and was watching in slow motion. The Irish chasers were superb, they worked as a seamless team and Draco told me he wanted to try out some of their moves with the Slytherin team this year. He was sure that he and Adrian would be able to pull some of those moves off. They scored a couple of times before the Bulgarians made their first goal. And then the Irish seeker crashed to the floor when Krum did the Wronksi defensive feint. I looked at it in slow motion when the medi-wizard took care of Lynch (the Irish seeker) and was amazed by Krum’s flying skills. He makes it look like he’s unsupported and weightless in the sky.

When the game started up again, the Irish took a massive lead and the game became dirtier and dirtier. At one point the Irish got a penalty and the Veela tried to seduce the referee, who then tried to send them off the field. The Bulgarian beaters started an argument with the referee, who then gave Ireland another two penalties. Not much later, when Ireland got another penalty the Veela and Leprechauns got into a fight and the Veela’s didn’t look beautiful anymore, but their faces had elongated into sharp, cruel-beaked bird heads and long, scaly wings were bursting from their shoulders. But I didn’t pay much attention to that fight, because the game was still going on and I didn’t want to miss one little bit.

At some point, a Bludger hit Krum who broke his nose, but the referee didn’t see because his broom was on fire and Krum just continued the game with a bleeding nose. At that moment the Irish Seeker suddenly went into a dive, he’d seen the snitch. Krum sped after him and they drawled level while they hurtled towards the ground. Lynch smashed into the ground and Krum rose up into the air, his fist held high, a glint of gold in his hand. He’d caught the snitch. The final score was 160 points for Bulgaria and 170 for Ireland. Remus asks why Krum had cot the Snitch and both me, Draco and Tonks explained to him that it was clear that Bulgaria was never going to catch up to the Irish.

After the game, Draco said goodnight to his parents and we made our way back to the campsite. Mr Tonks made us all some hot chocolate and I think he spiked the once of all the adults and we had some conversations about the game. When we finished our drinks Sirius told us it was time for bed and Draco and I slipped into the tent. We got into our bed and Draco told me he wanted to become a professional Quidditch player one day. His eyes shown and his smile was wide and gorgeous. I told him that I’m sure he will be one day, that he’s an amazing Chaser. We kissed and moved together until pleasure took over before we fell asleep.

I wish that could have been the end of our little trip, blessed out and in the arms of the man I love. But the night turned into a small nightmare. Sirius woke us up in the middle of the night and told us to get a jacket and to get outside. When we got outside we could see people running away into the woods. Something was moving across the field towards us, emitting odd flashes of light and noises like gunfire. Draco muttered the word Death Eaters and when I looked closer I could see that the something were people wearing masks and pointing their wands into the air. High above them, floating along in midair, were four struggling figures that were being contorted into grotesque shapes. Sirius told us to hide in the woods, that he was going to help Moony, Tonks and Mr Tonks who already had set off towards the group of Death Eaters.

Draco took my hand and pulled me into the woods. When I looked at him he had tears streaming down his cheeks and I stopped him when we had just passed the first line of trees. I could hear children crying, anxious shouts and panicked voices all around us, but at that moment I only had eyes for Draco. He muttered he was sorry and I took him in my arms, told him he had nothing to be sorry for. And then he said that he had, that his father was probably one of the people torturing those muggles. I didn’t know what to say to Draco at that point. I don’t blame him for what his father does, and I hate how it hurts Draco, but he was right. Draco’s father was most likely the one organising the masked parade.

The blasts from the commotion came closer and closer and Draco took out his wand and light it up. I tried to get mine, but somehow I’d had lost it. We looked around with the light of Draco’s wand but couldn’t find it. It made me feel vulnerable and I was glad Draco was with me, knowing he would protect me if it was necessary.

We were still looking when the house-elf that had been in the top box was fighting her way out of a clump of bushes nearby. She moved as though someone invisible was trying to hold her back. She said some nonsenses and then disappeared into the trees on the other side of the path.

We decided to move further into the woods and slowly the world around us became quieter. We picked a spot and sat down to wait for Sirius to return. I was worried about them all, fighting the death eaters. I only just got to live with Sirius, I didn’t want to go back to the Dursleys if anything bad happened now.

After some time we heard footsteps behind us, but nobody was there. Draco called out a hello, but there was no answer. And then someone shouted a spell that made Draco shiver next to me. A vast, green light erupted from between the trees and flew up into the sky. It formed a colossal skull with a serpent protruding from its mouth like a tongue. In seconds the woods around us erupted with screams and Draco was squeezing so hard onto my hand it hurt. I whispered to him to ask what it was and he told me it was the Dark Mark, the sign of the Dark Lord. We stood there frozen searching the woods around us for the person who had conjured the mark until wizard appeared around us. We only just ducked in time before they all started shooting off stupefy’s. And then Tonks screamed at them to all stop, that it was Harry Potter they were aiming at.

The firing stopped and Tonks checked to see if we were alright, but she was pushed out of the way by a stern-looking wizard, Mr Crouch, who right away accused Draco of conjuring the Dark Mark. I told he Draco hadn’t, but Mr Crouch didn’t believe me. Sirius and Remus showed up and Sirius almost started a fight with Crouch. Remus asked us where the Mark had come from and we pointed him in the right direction. Remus and some of the other wizards raised their wands towards the trees we pointed out and went to search the woods. Only seconds later they came back out with an unconscious house-elf, Mr Crouch’s house-elf. And she was holding a wand. When Mr Diggory held it in front of the elf I recognised it as my own lost wand. For a moment everyone looked at me like I had conjured the Dark Mark until Sirius said that they all should remember who they are looking at.

Mr Diggory continued to question Mr Crouch’s house-elf and I was surprised when Draco spoke up to say that it hadn’t been a house-elf voice that had conjured the mark, but the voice of a man. There was some more discussion going on and in the end, everyone agreed that the house-elf couldn’t have conjured the mark and we were all free to go and I’d gotten my wand back. Sirius apparated us back to Grimmauld Place and made us go back to bed. In bed, Draco explained to me that the Dark Mark was used whenever someone was killed by Death Eaters. His father had told him about it when he was younger. I told Draco I was worried, that not long ago I had woken up with my scar hurting and now his mark had shown in the sky. Draco nodded and kissed me and told me to try to get some sleep.

And now it’s morning, Draco has just finished his shower and we’re about to go down for some breakfast. I’m scared mom and dad. What if Voldemort is really coming back? Will he come after me?

Draco is telling me not to worry, that we’ll be off to Hogwarts soon and that the Dark Lord is terrified of Dumbledore so that we will be safe as long as we are at school. And that he’s hungry, so I should stop writing and make him breakfast.

Love you both,

Harry James Potter.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 18

Chapter Summary -  Danielle's migraine is so bad she enlists Emma and Tom to help her, and after she recovers, she goes to the Hiddleston household for dinner after, but what waits for her on her return home?

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog  @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

When she woke, Danielle groaned, her vision was blurred and the small bit of light that was streaming in her slightly unclosed curtains made her want to cry as it caused the room to be far too bright. She shivered with the cold, even though her heating had been timed to come on for an hour already and she was under a heavy duvet. She seldom suffered migraines, but when she did, Danielle truly suffered. Feeling around her bedside locker, she found her phone and dialled the first number she could think of.

“Hey.” Emma’s voice seemed concerned. “You alright?”

Had Danielle not been so unwell, she would have known immediately that Tom had informed his sister that everything was not okay with their neighbour. “Em, sick. Please.”

“Right, I am coming in, just give me a minute to get mum’s key to yours, alright?”

“Quiet, please.” She begged.

“I gotcha, just two minutes Elle.” Emma hung up the phone and rang to find the spare key to Danielle’s house.

“What has you in a tizzy?” Tom asked, going over the lines for his upcoming cameo.

“Elle is as sick as a dog, she asked me to come over.”

Tom rose from the sofa. “Need company?”

Until that morning, the youngest Hiddleston would have declined her brother’s offer, but to say their friend had disclosed something personal to him, she decided not to. “Sure, you know what’s up with her more than I do.”

“She had a headache earlier, that had nothing to do with why she was feeling shit, though.”

“Then what did?” She asked.

“I am not telling you, that's Elle’s business to tell, but she has had a pretty shit night of it.”

“Could she have a stress migraine?” Emma asked, opening her friend’s door.

“If she gets them, then yeah, that could be it.” Tom noticed a note on the ground as they walked in, picking it up, he read it and his lip curled every so slightly for a moment when he realised it was a missed delivery for the local floral company. Knowing the conversation Danielle had had with her boyfriend earlier that day, he did not need to be Ben’s fictional character to hamper a guess as to who it was that had sent the flowers. He placed the card on the hall table and walked into the kitchen to get Danielle more painkillers.

“Elle?” Emma knocked on her friend’s bedroom door. “Can I come in?” When there was no response, she opened the door and peeked around it. “Elle?”

“Kill me.” The paramedic groaned from under the duvet.

“A migraine?”

“I want to die.”

“I’ll take that as a yes then,” Emma stated quietly.

“Curtains.”

“Open or closed?”

“Close, please.”

“You are so demanding.”

“I’m dying.”

“You have a headache Elle, that’s a tad dramatic.”

“Dying.”

Tom chuckled as he heard the exchange from the hallway. “Can I come in?” he asked sheepishly.

“Yeah, I think we have a new entry for Oscars under Most Dramatic Paramedic.” Emma joked.

“Dying.” Danielle groaned again.

“Is that your professional opinion?” Tom chuckled.

“Fuck you, Hiddles.”

“Second time today.” Tom shook his head. “I have paracetamol and ibuprofen because I don’t know what one you had last.”

“What time is it?” Danielle forced herself out from under the covers a little, her hair stuck to her face.

“Afternoon,” Emma responded.

Tom checked his watch. “Half three.”

“Both.”

“Can you take both at once?”

“Yes, in extreme cases, like now, so gimme.”

“You are so demanding.” Emma threw her eyes up. “Why isn’t Paul here to nurse you, he is a doctor?”

Danielle glanced at Tom for a moment. “I didn’t tell her.” He stated.

Emma’s face fell. “Tell me what?” she looked between them.

“Thanks, Tom.” Danielle groaned, drinking water to wash down her tablets. “Paul and I are not speaking at the moment.” She stated plainly, before turning over. “Tell you more when I am not dying.”

Emma looked to Tom but he did not say anything, one it was not his place, and two, he was not overly keen at the pair making amends anytime soon, something he was sure his sister would try to assist on. Instead, he looked around Danielle’s room; it was the first time he had seen it since the day she moved in. He swallowed when he noticed a few items that were clearly Paul’s; the doctor had obviously begun staying enough for him to warrant supplies being left. “Do you need Mac walked?” he asked, not wanting to look at the room any longer.

“Shit.” Danielle had started to doze off again. “I need to ring work too.”

“Right, I will help you find the right number to ring, and Tom will get Mac tacked up and walked, alright?”

“You don’t have…”

“Nonsense. Sarah arrived half an hour ago and we haven’t had a chance to meet since…well everything, so she and I are going to steal Mac and take him out with us.” Tom smiled kindly.

“You’re the best.”

“I want that in writing.” Tom laughed and said his farewells to go downstairs. He opened the door to the back garden, where the dog eyed him suspiciously for a moment, but when Tom held out the lead and Halti in hand, Mac Tíre eagerly got to his feet and trotted over. “She’s not feeling too well today buddy, so I am taking you out instead.” Mac looked around the room for a moment, but with no sign of his master, he accepted Tom and sat for him to put on the head collar. It took a few minutes, but Tom figured it out, so going to his mothers, he asked his older sister to join him and the pair, with the eager dog, walked down the road.

Emma had Danielle in drink another glass of water to keep hydrated and made sure she had everything she needed before going back to her mother’s. When Diana heard what was wrong, she insisted that she be the one to check on her again just before dinner, and when she saw the young paramedic had just gotten out of the shower, feeling a bit better in herself, she insisted that she come over and eat with them, to ensure she was well fed. Danielle wanted to decline, feeling somewhat downbeat as she recalled her evening before, but Diana refused to take no for an answer, meaning she was as good as ushered, with her hair dripping wet to her neighbours house, but not before noticing the failed delivery card on the hall table, she pursed her lips when she saw it, but did nothing more regarding it.

“Sarah, you remember Elle, don’t you?” Emma joked as she saw her friend, looking slightly pale but a lot better walk into her mother’s kitchen.

Sarah, who knew well who Danielle was, but who had not seen her in a long time, came over and hugged her tightly. “Thank you for everything.”

Danielle stared wide-eyed, slightly scared, and patted her back, Sarah was the most mature and reserved of the Hiddleston’s and though she liked Danielle and how she was so close to her mother, she was never overly affectionate. “Okay, what?”

“For being brave enough to take on Tom and his pigheadedness, and for counselling my daughter, she just needed to rant and I was so angry I couldn’t be there for her in that way.”

“I just listened.”

“Which is what she needed.” She stated with a smile. “So thank you.”

“Well, I’m glad I was some help.” Danielle shrugged, not sure she should take any credit. “So, what’s for dinner?”

“Are you ever not hungry?” Emma laughed.

“When I don’t have to cook, Fuck no.”

“Language!” Diana chastised.

“Sorry mother.” Danielle used Tom like a shield for fear Diana would come over to give her a small clip.

“I’m not taking a hit for you.” Tom tried to flee her, but she grabbed onto his shirt, “Let go.”

“Not a chance.” She laughed.

“How are you so strong?” Tom tried to release her grip.

“Work, Tri, sheer ‘not giving up’, you know.”

“Will you two ever stop messing; you’ll injure one another and then who’ll be laughing?” Diana barked, but the stern look on her face was not able to be taken seriously as her eyes showed her delight in her son’s return to form, as well as his playfulness that she feared was lost as a result of recent events. “Sit at the table before the food goes cold.” She ordered.

“Thanks, mum.” Tom’s eyes went wide at the small feast his mother had decided to feed them all. “And to answer your question on who’d be laughing, Elle would.”

“What?” She stared at him.

“You laugh when you get hurt.” Her brows rose. “You do, every time you bang into something, you end up in giggles.”

“No, he’s right.” Emma concurred, Jack nodding his head next to her, his mouth filled with food. “So Elle, are you going to say what happened with…” Emma stared at Tom who shook his head violently at her question.

“It’s fine.” Danielle looked to Tom, grateful he seemed to want to not upset her. “Paul and I had a disagreement with regards social construct.” She explained cryptically, Tom made a face beside her that showed that was putting it tamely. “As a result, he is currently in the ‘think about your actions’ box until I get a heartfelt apology at the very least.”

“You are a stern little mule, Danielle Hughes.” Diana sighed.

“But since I refuse to budge, look how few think it wise to try and argue me.” She grinned proudly.

“You won’t keep a man if you are always like that.”

“I'd rather be alone than with someone who can’t handle my stubbornness, it would only end up in someone’s death otherwise, and not mine.”

“Not to mention you know how, and have the ability and the strength to make it look like an accident.” Tom chuckled; she winked at him causing everyone to laugh.

*

“Thank you so much for dinner; I really needed a good meal.” Danielle hugged Diana as she went to go home for the evening.

“And a night off, you work too much sweetheart, you need to rest.” Diana looked at her worriedly, cupping Danielle’s face in her hands. “And whatever Paul did, I am sure it can be fixed.”

“That’s debatable.”

“For the right person, anything is possible.”

“The issue is knowing are they the right one, though,” Danielle replied, her smile a sad one.

Diana said nothing for a moment, but looked at her with a kind smile, not wanting to pry too much into something Danielle was not willing to share, grateful that she had at least spoken to Tom regarding it, and that he was safeguarding what she had said. “Just have some more rest, tomorrow will bring a lot of answers.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, I can’t guarantee it bring answers, but some good rest always helps our minds with the important questions.”

“Need company home?” Emma asked, linking her arm in Danielle’s.

“I live next door.”

“Yeah, but still, I am going back first thing, Jack is working tomorrow afternoon.”

Danielle sighed dramatically and acted as though what Emma was asking of her was something highly taxing. “Fine, if I have to.” But immediately after she smiled at her friend.

“Bye Elle,” Tom called down the stairs, his voice indicating he had something in his mouth as he did.

“What are you even doing?” Emma shouted up.

“Brushing my teeth.”

“It’s eight o’clock!”

“I got a call for the Gucci campaign, I am their new face.” He chirped; elated at the call he had received after dinner.

“All the other eligible candidates get food poisoning or something?” Danielle jested, Emma erupting in laughter next to her.

“Funny.” Tom scoffed. “I have to be to Notting Hill by seven.”

“You’re already late, that was an hour ago.”

“You have way too many ‘Dad Jokes’ Elle.” Emma laughed.

“Ha, Ha. But seriously, see you soon Elle, and take care.”

“Bye Tom.” Danielle and Emma walked out the door, noting the drop in temperature since they had gone inside. “I’m not even sure if I can go to sleep tonight, I am not even tired.”

“You need to relax, though.”

“I can’t believe I called in sick, that is the first time since I came here, I feel like I was lying, I am fine now.”

“You were sick and you are still not fully right,” Emma stated factually. “Can I ask what happened with you and…Paul?”

Danielle froze and gave her boyfriend a stern glare as he stood looking at her in her driveway.

“Danni.” His voice was pleading.

“Paul.” She replied, her tone cold.

“Please Danni, can I just…”

“Why is he here?” Danielle indicated to Paul’s car, where Charles was looking out at her from the open door on the passengers’ side.

“He just wanted to talk to you.”

“I’m not interested in anything he has to say.”

“Elle?” Emma looked at her friend, noticing her anger rise.

“It’s alright Em; go back to your mum’s.” Danielle did not take her eyes off her boyfriend as she spoke. “Safe journey back to London.”

“I’ll call you when we get back okay?”

Danielle looked at her friend and gave her as big a smile as she could force. “Great, bye Em’s.” Emma left leaving her looking between her boyfriend and the man she would not be overly upset to see spontaneously combust in her yard. “I would offer you inside, but well, I am sure it is not quite Hampton Court Palace.” She stated sarcastically.

“Danielle.” Paul pleaded.

“Get in before I embarrass myself in front of my neighbours.” She forced through gritted teeth.

[hellas-himself]

Where There Are Shadows pt 35

I still don’t have wifi. I’m not sick anymore, thankfully. 

Any who, Happy Friday. 

.

.

.

-Feyre-

 I was not sure what to look at first. The hundreds of red roses scattered across my living room, or my mate, staring at a letter in absolute shock. I knew that only Lucien would do something as grandiose as this, with he and Rhys outdoing one another each week- but what could Luce have written to leave Rhys in such a state?

Elain walked in, bringing me from my thoughts.

“I’m back for more,” she said cheerfully.

“More?”

“I cleared the entry way.”

I grimaced. “Thank you.”

My sister looked at Rhysand and gave a sympathetic smile.

“Why don’t you go read your letter? These will be perfect for the rose garden at the new house.”

“Thank you,” I said, bringing my hand to my chest. She rolled her eyes, waving me off as I carefully walked towards Rhys.

“My love,” I said as I tried not to knock over a bouquet. “Can we go outside?”

He looked up at me as if he’d just noticed I was there.

“I want to go outside.”

He blinked a few times. “Oh. Of course, darling.”

I decided a walk along the Sidra was a good idea.  Rhysand put the letter in his pocket before he took my hand and together, we made our way out of the townhouse.

We were greeted by everyone we walked by, Rhys putting on a mask of absolute calm. So I walked us farther down the Sidra, where there would be less chance of anyone seeing us. Where he could put that mask away.

“Lucien really outdid himself this week,” I said as I playfully bumped into him.

“We’ll have an entire valley growing from our living room,” he said with a soft chuckle.

“Did we get a letter?”

Rhys nodded.

“What did he say?”

Rhys sighed, pulling the letter out and handing it to me.

 Rhys and Feyre, I miss you both terribly.

It did nothing but rain at the villa. The first day after we’d arrived, we were forced to remain indoors.  Drunk off moonshine he made himself, we played a card game I’ve no doubt he learned at some tavern- but it was lively. I believe Cassian would enjoy it. I learned the next morning what it was to care after one’s father… As strange as it is. I think my cooking made it worse, but my mother was right in the end. He and I needed this.

Be that as it may, my father is a child, so we were out in the rain once he recovered. We made camp high up in the mountains and I was reminded of you, Feyre. However, I had food and proper attire for such climates. Perhaps we three can go away together, I may have thought of something.

Can you believe there are only mere days that separate us?

Now, I know the roses were a bit much, but I have the best news. Helion has asked my mother to marry her. Grandmother said tradition dictates they wait for an auspicious time. That time being the Summer Solstice. I know that this is sudden but my mother and I- we have no family but you- Rhys, Feyre. And it would mean a great deal to us both to have you with us, to represent our family for the ceremonies that will take place.

I’m being fitted for new clothes for the wedding, so I must stop writing before I miss the courier.

With all my love,

Lucien

PS: The wedding will last a week. The formal invitation comes tomorrow, if this arrived to you in time. With it, Helion’s gifts to you both. Everyone at home will be receiving their invitation as well.

 “A wedding!” I let out a childish squeal. An entire week- with Lucien. With our family. But Rhys did not look happy. “What is it?”

He sighed and I could feel the anxiety through our bond as if it were my own.

“He wants us to be there as his family.”

“We are his family, Rhysand.”

“I know that, darling. But…”

He ran his fingers through his hair. I felt that familiar chill down our bond, the uncertainty that came with the memories that still haunted us both.

“You don’t think you’re good enough to be there.” It wasn’t a question.

“Under the Mountain… Helion is all that’s left. His uncles, cousins. Every male in his family- gone. And I was there. I did nothing.”

“You saved us all as the best you could, Rhys. Helion knows that. You are his friend, he doesn’t hold Amarantha’s actions against you.”

“And what of his mother?”

“She will learn of what you did to keep her son alive. She will learn of how you saved Lucien, without even knowing him. Because of you, Rhys- Helion’s mother and sister were able to come home.”

“I didn’t break the curse,” he said with shaken breath.

“I couldn’t have,” I whispered, “If you hadn’t saved me first.”

He avoided my gaze, even as I came to embrace him.

“The High Lord of the Night Court, standing at the future Lady of the Day Court’s side. I can already see Beron rolling on the ground, foaming at the mouth.”

Rhys chuckled, bringing his arms around me.

“And think of how happy Lucien will be to see us. We’ll get to spend a whole week with him. No work. Nothing but us, together. With our family.”

“Our family.”

I smiled. “Yes. Ours.”

He kissed me.

“There is something else,” he said softly.

“What is it?”

He reached into his pocket, placing something cold in my hand.

“The house is finished.”

.

Months ago, when construction had begun on the house, all I had thought of was Rhys and I. Of the child we would one day have. A home with a nursery, with room for our family as it continued to grow. And looking at it now, it was exactly what I had wanted, everything I’d never let myself dream of. And it felt wrong.

The key was warm in my hand. I hadn’t moved from where I stood, standing outside of the front door. Our house, it was ready. And it was no longer a dream, but our reality. We could move in at any moment- I knew that if Rhys simply thought it, everything would be in its place inside.

But I didn’t want that. Maybe it was my human heart, or maybe because some part of me wanted to make up for all I’d never had- but I wanted to pack our things together. I wanted us to decide what went where, together. I wanted to find Rhys and Lucien asleep in one of the rooms after carrying everything inside. I wanted Lucien to-

I felt something tug at my heart.

“Rhys?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I can’t,” I whispered. “He isn’t here.”

“We can wait for him.”

I looked up at Rhys, not finding disappointment. But relief. We could not make this house a home without Lucien.

Rhys went to stand behind me, placing his hands on my waist.  

“Can you picture it? Lucien and I carrying the bed upstairs while you tell us what a terrible job we’re doing?” he asked, making me laugh even as tears lined my eyes.

“I’m sure I’ll find you two busy with other things instead of actually unpacking.”

He kissed my shoulder. “There are many wicked, filthy things I wish to do to both of you in every room of this house.”

I rolled my eyes.

“But… To see it for the first time, I need him here.”

I leaned back into him. “Me too.”

“To choose what stays, what comes with us- I need him here.”

“Do you think he’ll like the curtains in our bedroom?”

I felt Rhysand’s laugh as much as I heard it. And it made me smile.

“Rhysand?”

“Oh, how you wound me, darling!”

“Please,” I said with a roll of my eyes. I turned around, Rhys never taking his hands off me. He was grinning.

“A thought for a thought?”

I nodded, feeling butterflies in my stomach.

“I think the fox will love the curtains,” he said as I smacked his arm. He laughed. “It’s only the truth, darling.”

“I’m trying to be serious.”

He cleared his throat, mischief still lingering in those beautiful eyes.

“You’re a prick.”

He kissed me. “If Lucien were here, you wouldn’t be complaining about pricks.”

I laughed. “No. I wouldn’t be.”

I placed my hands on his chest, relishing in the feel of his beating heart. That sound, I would never take it for granted. And Lucien- gods, I would never take his love for granted again.

“I’m in love with Lucien.”

Rhys regarded me for a moment, bringing one hand to my face.

“Was that your thought?” he whispered. I nodded.

“Have you told him?”

“I would never say something so important in a letter.”

He smiled. “Are our little chats not important?”

“You write me nothing but filth when you’re supposed to be working.”

“But you love it.”

I sighed. “I love you, Rhys.”

He chuckled, pressing me against him.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“We should go see the greenhouse, though,” I said. “Elain wants to give me the grand tour.”

The garden was Elain’s space. It didn’t feel wrong to be here without Luce. Of course, his presence would have made it infinitely better. But even Rhys seemed more relieved as we walked away from the house and out back towards the garden.

And that was where we found her, wiping her hands against her skirt. Azriel was carrying a rather heavy looking bag of Mother knew what while Elain pointed to where she wanted it. His white shirt clung to his skin, and Elain had dirt smeared across one side of her face and on her dress.

“There you are!” Elain exclaimed, happily coming to steal me away from Rhys.

Az chuckled as he set the bag down, taking a little knife to open it.

“Don’t even think about it,” Rhys said as he went to greet his brother.

Elain rolled her eyes and guided me through the gardens, all of this was her work. Every plant, every tree, every flower- she had chosen. And as the greenhouse came in to view…  

“It looks like a glass palace,” I said in awe. The last time I’d seen it, it had merely been a foundation of stone. It was enormous.

“Now, I know I told you that I’d keep it simple. But there was so much space to work with.”

“Is there a zoo in there?”

She giggled, opening the door. There was a little table with chairs to one side, surrounded by the Day Court flowers Lucien had sent us. I could already picture us having tea on chilly winter mornings here, reading books… I could even paint here.

In the middle of the room was a long pool of water where lilies floated and above hung flowers and plants that would eventually spill over their pot if they had not started to already. She walked me around, showing me how she kept the flowers separate from the fruits, vegetables and herbs. She stopped at the sink to wash her hands and face, using that moment to show me the cabinets Azriel had built around it for her to store her things.

“I only have some soap and an extra dress in there, just in case. I’ll eventually fill it up with my tools.”

I handed her the towel that was hanging from a small hook. She smiled.

“It’s beautiful, Elain.”

She blushed. “Rhys gave me complete control over it and I may have gotten carried away.”

“No. This is amazing…” My eyes fell on a spiral set of stairs.

“Oh! Up there. I was thinking about… the boys,” she waved her hand. “There are more delicate flowers up there as well as a small landing outside. We’ve made it into a sort of balcony.”

“Is it wise to allow Illyrian babies to fly into your glass house?”

She laughed. “I’m quite sure I have a switch around here somewhere.”

Her face turned red but she took my hand and led me up to the second level supported by the beams below wrapped in vines. Beautiful, but far too hot for my liking. Elain looked completely at peace with it, even as sweaty and rosy cheeked as she was.

She let go of my hand to open the glass doors and the breeze was more than welcome. There was a bench and a chair, a large portfolio with pages almost bursting from it atop a little table.

“I was going over a few things when Az got here. I needed him to help with the fertilizer.”

I only nodded, watching her take a seat. She patted the space beside her before she began to organize the pages.

“I was a bit nervous, wondering if the trouble in the camps would keep everyone apart… For the wedding, I mean. But Az said things are stable enough that he can afford to get away for a few days.”

“Andreas breaking ties with the other war lords has dealt them a heavy blow.”

She nodded. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“So am I.”

“Lucien must be beside himself. I was losing sleep over a few nights-” She was blushing again.

“Really?” I playfully nudged into her. She giggled.

“I’ve gotten used to it,” she replied, feigning an air of haughtiness that made us both laugh. “Even if he gave Cas a hard time after my birthday, I assure you he could not have been happier.”

“Gotten used to it, hm?”

“I mean, I made a bit of a fuss over his wings at first… But I’ve grown used to that extra warmth at night. He’ll be very useful during winter.”

I laughed so hard I was almost cackling.

“Didn’t you and Rhys have a hard time the first night you shared a bed?”

I snorted. “The only thing harder than Rhys was the bed we slept on.”

Elain was crimson now.

“We didn’t do anything,” I said. “Not… really.”

She cleared her throat. “I’m sure I understand.”

I leaned into her. “Have you put Mor’s birthday present to use yet?”

“No!” she yelled and then lowered her voice. “No. But I do know he kept his, what she got him, I mean. I just don’t know if he wants something more than just sharing a bed and talking until we fall asleep.”

“Do you?”

She was smiling. “Maybe.”

I grinned, earning a playful swat from her.

“Mor wasted her money. He comes to bed with almost nothing on! I’ve had to stop using blankets to sleep. It’s like sleeping within a furnace.”

“Have you kissed?”

She shook her head, lowering her voice again. “I noticed a new scar on his wing, but he hadn’t mentioned getting hurt. So, I didn’t really think much of it when I went to touch it.”

“Was he asleep?” Gods, it was so hard not to smile.

She nodded, covering her mouth with her hand. “He made this sound… I might have changed the nature of whatever he was dreaming.”

I deserved it when Elain nearly shoved me off the bench because I started laughing.

“Does he know?”

She shook her head.

“Their wings are so sensitive it’s almost pathetic.”

“I was going to say something but then I don’t know if he’d be embarrassed. He was quite flustered when he woke up.”

“Elain, you’re going to kill me-”

Just as my ass hit the floor, Azriel and Rhys stepped out onto the landing. They looked at me, laughing to the point of tears, and Elain, sitting with her arms crossed.

“I forget my own strength,” she said and didn’t look one bit guilty.

I resumed my seat beside my sister, and we both started to laugh… Until we saw the look that Rhysand shared with Az.

“Cassian is usually here when you two are planning to do something stupid,” I said.

“No one is planning anything, darling.” He threw an arm over Azriel’s shoulder, bringing his gaze to my sister. “Elain, would you be up for a little stroll down the river?”

Before I could protest, my sister shrugged. “I’d be delighted.”

.

.

.

@readingismycopingmechanism @fuzdog @gently-say-aha @highladyofherondale @alxanxah @city-of-fae @myfeyrelady @nuggets-and-mouthwash @feysanddotacotar @daeniran @szatti1001 @rhysandshighlady @flight-of-a-robin

If you’d like to be tagged, let me know!!

[gutterdreams]

39 with billy please! 💛💛

“It’s been too long since I’ve touched you.” This was requested a few times and it also got away from me. This is way more than a drabble. Ooops.

Requests are closed.

Ithad been easy to avoid Billy since last month when everything fellapart. He barely showed up to school after you two broke up. In fact,you didn’t know if he even graduated, but you had to force yourselfnot to care. His shortcomings were not your projects anymore. Youheard rumblings around the crowded house party, celebrating the endof exams, that Billy had arrived, but you hadn’t caught so much as aglimpse of his unrestrained stare or obsessively pampered hair. Youtrusted that you would smell him before you you saw him, his colognea lasting memory since you had liked falling asleep under his arm andbreathing it in like the ghost of rain. Youwere squeezing your way through the crowded house like it was agarden maze, looking from side to side constantly to try and findeither one of the two friends you came with, John and Gwen. Youflexed onto your tip toes to see over Trisha Loewen’s teased hair totry and see. Once you were back flat on the ground, you went to stepforward but you were blocked by a glistened torso, shining throughfour open buttons. The familiar musk attacked your senses and youknew Billy was right in front of you before you saw hisface. “Excuseme.” Mumbling, you kept your voice down and tried to slip byhim, but he was a stone statue and wouldn’t let you. “Excuseme.” You tried again, but he shifted with you and kept hisfolded elbow in your way. Giving him a smidgen of what he wanted, youlooked up and darted your eyes into his, “Move.” Youdemanded, your voice steady unlike the last time you two spoke. Helooked incredible and you hated that it was the first thing that cameto mind. Smirking,Billy stepped to the side and finally let you walk by. His eyes,foggy from drinking for hours on end, followed you. He watched youleave the living room and slip outside, thinking, maybe, your friendsstepped out for air or Gwen went to bum a smoke from someone. Billyfollowed, so when you turned around, he was there again. He was likean irritating and misshapen shadow.“Youneed a ride?” Billy asked, speaking to you for the first time after over a month apart. He could tell you were looking for yourfriends and figured one of them must have driven. “I’mnot talking to you.” Walking steadfast away from him, youconfirmed what he already knew to be true. “Whynot?” Billy asked, the drunk version of himself take charge fora second. 

“Becausemy mom always said if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t sayanything at all.”“Well,your mom’s not here." Forevery two steps you took, Billy took one. He kept up with youeffortlessly until you whipped around and fucked under his arm tohead back to the house. He had to clumsily manuever himself in asmall circle. He had been keeping his distance from you due to hispride for so long that now that you were close enough to touch again,he couldn’t stay away. ”[Y/N]“Paces behind you, Billy called for you like he would when you werewalking away during an argument or when he was ready to talk civillyinstead of scream. As if you two were still together, you froze.Billy said your name in a way that felt like a warm hug, comfortingand calling you in. You couldn’t believe he still had a powerfuleffect over you. Billyviewed your stillness as an invitation and headed over to you with ahand out. Before he could put it anywhere near your hair or shoulder,you whipped around with eyes clenched, prepared for him to punctureyour heart that was still recovering. "Whatcould you possibly need to say to me right now?” Refusing tolook at him, you asked.Billysmacked the side of his own head, angry at himself for ruining thingsbetween you two so badly that you didn’t want to even stand near himanymore. The sound of his knuckles meeting the side of his foreheadopened your eyes and you watched him drag his tongue from one side ofhis mouth to the other.“Ijust - ” Billy tried to speak, but had to stop to gasp. “Iknow you don’t - ” He squished his face together and mentallycursed himself out for being a moron. You could read the mean mentalconversation through his frustrated eyes. “I miss you, okay?”After checking to see that there were only a couple people around,Billy took a step in and told you like a secret. Immediately, youscoffed as if what he said was as funny as it was stupid. “Iknow I fucked up. I know you’re mad, but -” Billy moved incloser, drawing a single fingertip down your arm and looking at thelimb that used to be his to hold. He was staring at your arm as if itwas a precious work of art, something to be cherished. He never tookyou in that way when you two were together. “Don’t.”You hissed and tucked your arm behind your back and then did the samewith the other. “Comeon, it’s been too long since I’ve touched you.” His voice wasmore gentle than you had ever heard it be before. He was being softwith you, trying to be the person he knew you needed before youdumped him in his car outside of Hawkins High. “That’syour own fault!” Trying to ignore  the lingering feeling ofhis touch, you scolded him.

“Iknow and I’m sorry.” He hung his head and pouted, hating himself atthe memory. He tried to slither his fingers between yours, but youkept jerking away to keep your hands behind you and out of reach. “Itwas stupid. I know now how stupid it was.” He tried to convinceyou, eyes searching for a glimmer of hope in yours, but you weretrying to look anywhere, but at him. “You think I’d do that again?Never!”

“Idon’t trust you.”

“Howcan I fix that?!” Finally, a switch flipped and Billy roared. Hethrew his arms above his head in frustration and gained the attentionyou both didn’t want. “Tell me what to fucking do, [Y/N], and I’lldo it.” You wanted to believe him, but they just sounded like theright words to say. It was like he watched a bunch of romantic dramasand was acting out the part that was meant for John Cusack.

“It’sdone, Billy.” You held up both palms in front of him, shoving thewords you had said to him before in his face. Turning around, yousighed and tried to forge ahead. Billy was quicker though and tookyour hand to yank you back.

“Isit because you’re with that pussy Carpenter now?” He scoffed at thethought of you with John. “For someone who cried so hard aboutbeing cheated on, you moved on from me pretty fucking fast.”

Ifhe hadn’t been pulling on your wrist, you would have turned aroundall on your own. His words infuriated you. Time might have carried onsince you broke up, but Billy still knew how to wind you up like adoctor’s office toy.

“I’mnot with John! John wants to be with me, he invited me to Florida forthe summer, he wants to help me get set up in my new dorm inSeptember, he bought me this necklace!” You ripped your hand fromBilly’s and yank on the slim gold chain around your neck. Billydecided instantly that he hated it and it was obnoxious even if itwas delicate and understated. “He wants to be with me, but I’m sofucked up from being cheated on by a guy I wanted to be with foreverthat I can’t commit to more than a movie night! You fucked me up. Isthat not good enough for you? You have to follow me around and makesure I’m miserable!?” Finding your friends was now the furthestthing from your mind. With burning red cheeks and flared nostrils,you were releasing a months worth of tension onto your former love.

“Idon’t want you to be miserable!” Billy’s hands shook in front ofhim, trying to make his point and drill it into your flushed face. “Iwant to get back together. I want to fix what I did.”

“Youcan’t!” You threw your hands out in front of you just like he did his own.

“Notif you don’t let me!”

“Youslept with Carol, Billy!” Everyone heard you, there were eyes inthe kitchen window watching like they were in the nosebleeds of aconcert that was not going well. “In my bed. I was asleep on thecouch and you fucked your best friend’s girlfriend! How could you fixthat? How!?” Billy didn’t actually have a solution. His mind wasblank when it came to options. He was really just banking on youtaking him back and him making it up from there. He thought for sureyou missed him enough to forgive him his wrongdoing. Billy meant itwhen he said he learned his lesson. He really thought he would nevercheat on you again.

Indistress, fists shaking by his side, Billy stared down at the darktoes of his boots as he tried to compose himself. He hated himselfand was having a hard time keeping that inside.

“Iwill neverforgiveyou for making me feel like garbage. I am too good to be treated likethat.” It took a lot of listening to your best friends cuss out Billy in your bedroom to get that message across. Sometimes, it still took work to make it ring true.

“Iknow.” He admitted with a harsh inhale. “Can we go for a drive?Just…can we talk in the car?” Billy asked in a huff. He felt likeif he could just concentrate on the road and have you in a privatesetting that this would go better. He could convince you for one moreshot.

“Billy,”You looked up and cursed his name toward the sky, holding back anepic eye roll. “I don’t like you anymore.” It was as if you weretwo children on the playground and he had pushed you off the swingset one too many times. You enunciated every word clearly and heldhis stare to make sure he heard you. “I have to go because standinghere, talking to you, is painful,” You watched his blue eyes beginto melt behind a shield of warm tears. “This is killing me. If Igot in your car, I would have to start from scratch. So,please, if you care about me at all, let me go.” At the end, youtook a deep breath and let out your own tears as Billy’s own began tofall. He wiped under his face and tried to hold his face away from you.

“When you want to talk to me, I’m around, okay?” He barely got the words out. It was too hard to talk and feel sorry for himself at the same time. Billy didn’t give you the chance to say another word. He ran both hands through his hair and held it tight enough to hurt. Billy groaned at himself and turn took off. There was still sixwarm beers in his car to crush. There was still enough night left forhim to forget how much he fucked up and how much he missed you until the morning.

[ask-the-richmond-newsies]

A day late again but here’s my Day Three for @girlsiesweek! 

Day Three: Relationships

Top: Tomily and Carings

Bottom: Tedixie and Jodee

Sorry y’all, I love my ships so this is going to be long, lol

Tomily is comprised of Tommy Russo and Emily Chapman. Tommy was the leader of the Richmond newsies and was ready to retire from the fine life of carrying the banner when he was nineteen. But when his best friend Ticker died of pneumonia, he stayed on an extra year to help everyone through the grieving process. When he did finally pass the torch and give the mantle of leader over to a boy named Fox, he was ready for a fresh start. He moved to the East Village in Manhattan and took a job as a banker. It was there that he met the man at the desk next to his, Jim Chapman, a widower of six months. One day, his daughter Emily came to the bank to take him out for lunch and that was it for Tommy. He thought she was the most divine creature he had ever seen. They exchanged smiles and when her and her father came back from lunch, he asked her on a date. What he didn’t know was that she was talking about him the whole time she was with her father, just asking about that cute blond guy that sits next to him at work. She accepted his offer and they went to dinner. They quickly fell in love and helped each other through their losses. He helped her to have fun again and she helped him to let go of his past. Being a proud Italian, he also introduced her to the best Italian food in town, outside of Little Italy, of course, and would take her out dancing. She brought him into her family and into their home and he just fell even deeper in love. Her father became like his father and her sister became like his sister. They’re truly a match made in heaven. His proposal was simple but very sweet. He had her come over to his apartment and made her dinner, there were rose petals everywhere, and their song was playing on the phonograph. While they were slow dancing, he spun her around and got down on one knee. They’ve been planning their wedding for several months now and will be getting married very soon in a beautiful spring wedding.

Carings is comprised of Strings and Caroline Chapman. Caroline met a sweet, flirtatious boy named Thumbs one day when she was in Midtown doing errands for her sister’s wedding. They got to talking and found out that her sister had met him in a similar fashion and befriended him the day before. They saw each other a few times after that and she developed a small crush on him. But he was three years older than her and interested in somebody else, plus she isn’t allowed to date until she turns seventeen. After awhile, he figured out her crush  and let her down gently. She played it off as if she was just screwing with him, which he hesitantly believed and that was that. Soon after that she went over to the Midtown lodging house, which she had previously visited a few times before, and hung out with her new friend Birdie. She told her what happened and being equally as big of a troublemaker as Caroline, Birdie decided what they need was a good old brandy spiked cup of tea. They ended up getting pretty tipsy when Thumbs walked in with a couple other newsies, one being a French-Spaniard named Strings. Strings was a wanderer who would pop into the lodge from time-to-time. Being the huge flirt he is, he began flirting with the pretty new blonde girl. The girls, him, and a couple other newsies passed around the booze and some of them got properly drunk. As they drank, Strings would play them songs on his guitar, which made the girls very happy. Later in the evening him and a guy named Soaks walked Caroline’s drunk butt home to the East Village. Though she clung more to Strings on the walk. And when they got to her place he took the fall for the booze smell when her sister answered the door. They’ve hung out a couple of times since then, including taking a couple of the little girlsies to a butterfly atrium at a botanical garden. He also gave her one of the kittens from the lodging house that they’re trying to give away to good homes. That one major brownie points with her. Without knowing it, he’s been inspiring her to try dancing again, a major part of her life she lost passion for when her mom died. Mostly their relationship consists of a will they, won’t they dynamic, as he wants to be with her but she’s afraid he’ll leave after he’s had some fun with her. He’s been known to wander from town to town and to go from girl to girl. She doesn’t want to be just another girl. But their biggest problem is that they don’t communicate their feelings with each other. He doesn’t know she has this fear and she doesn’t know that he’s in this for the long haul if she decides to give him a chance. But they’ll get there eventually. (Strings, Thumbs, Birdie, and Soaks belongs to @askmidtownnewsies) 

Tedixie is comprised of Teddy and Dixie. Darla met Theodore one day when he was working in her horse’s stall and grew quite fond of him the more they interacted. The feeling was mutual but had to go unspoken. They eventually decided to date in secret even though it was quite risky. They would go on secret picnics and rendezvous under the stars. He would leave her flowers in random places and she would steal glances. She would always wish on dandelions that things could be different, then one night as they were stargazing, she made a wish on a shooting star. She wished that they could be together openly and safely. Soon her wish would come true but in a way she would never wish for. One day her little sister saw her sneaking out of the house and followed her. She saw them kissing and Dixie heard the gasp. She made her sister swear that she would never tell. But the next day her sister came up to her and apologized profusely because it was an accident, and she didn’t mean to tell! Possible Trigger Warning! Dixie rushed over to the stables and found her father beating the snot out of Teddy. When she tried to intervene, he knocked her out with a single blow. When she came to, her father was in the processes of trying to string Teddy up in a nearby tree. She quickly grabbed a shovel and hit her dad over the head, knocking him out. She quickly helped Teddy out of the ropes, tears and horror pouring out of her. She stole the family horse and rode with Teddy as far north as she could before she stopped to find a doctor to treat his wounds. To pay for his treatment, she sold the horse then they hitched a ride in the back of a wagon once he recovered. When they got up north they finally settled and took odd jobs, living together for months. Neither one of them really dealt with the trauma of that day and so they kind of drifted apart. They also just wanted different things in life. They eventually sat down and decided it was time to go their separate ways. They cried and talked for hours, but in the end, they knew it was for the best. They agreed to stay in touch and seeing as they were each other’s first loves, they said that they will always love each other and they will. Dixie then moved to Richmond and is getting a fresh start as a newsie.

Jodee is comprised of Jonah and Chickadee. After having ran away from home a few years ago and having just had her heart broken a few months ago, Chickadee found herself in Woodside in Queens. As she was being harassed in the street, a newsie named Twinkle Toes came and helped her out. Even though she didn’t actually need it, she did appreciate it and decided it was the least she could do to go back to the lodging house with him when he invited her. She went around meeting the other newsies and later met the guy of her dreams when he found her digging around in a closet looking for some wood to whittle (which is one of her hobbies). She remembered seeing him at the strike rally a couple of months before and remembered thinking that he was a stud that she would not mind making out with in an alley somewhere. She kept the latter part to herself but did eventually mention she had seen him before. She did however, call him Stud and that became her permanent nickname for him. It was a short interaction but it would continue the next day when Twinkle Toes suggested she sell with him, as he never had a selling partner and may have been a little lonely. She happily agreed. After selling they started teasing each other a little and he mentioned he was a talented acrobat. She had him demonstrate then jokingly asked if he escaped the circus. It apparently was a sore spot. He admitted that he actually did come over from Scotland with a circus but eventually left it after the ring leader got abusive and continually whipped him. He asked her not to tell the others because he didn’t want them to know. She agreed then they went to dinner. He talked about this place called The Mysterious Maze that he likes to go to sometimes, but it’s better with a partner. It’s like a haunted house and with several escape rooms. They end up going there as an unofficial date which she would later admit she considered to be their first date. (Literally there are hundreds of asks between these two over on @ask-thewoodside-newsies and as much as I’d love to tell you every main thing, I’m just going to skip to the really big main things, lol.) After a series of unofficial dates, including one where they sat in a huge tree in the park and watched the fireflies until they fell asleep, their unspoken feelings come to a head. One day when they were selling, she caught a glimpse of the guy who one time tried to kill her when he caught her and her ex stealing from him and hid in an alley, pulling Jonah in with her when he came looking for her. She quietly told him the story and he tried to comfort her because she was so terrified. When the man spotted them, he started coming towards them, his anger increasing. In a panic, she remembered that PDA makes people uncomfortable and almost always look away. So she kissed Jonah or the first time, and as hoped, the man looked away and walked off, thinking he must have been mistaken. This was the beginning of a whole new chapter in their relationship. They went back to their tree and discussed being together, due to her being hesitant because of the trust issues her ex gave her. They decided that they should be together and started dating. They fell in love more and more each day. But one day, Jonah spotted a circus tent in the distant and he grew scared. They investigated and found out that it was indeed the circus he had run away from. To make him feel safe while they were in town, she took him to this small, beautiful, abandoned cottage she squatted in whenever she was in Manhattan. They stayed there for a few day and played house. But one night while they were asleep, a shadowy figure broke in and stole Jonah. In the morning she was devastated when she thought she had been left again. But after a few minutes of crying, she realized that things didn’t add up and that they had felt that they were being followed a few days earlier. They chalked it up to being a fellow newsies they did catch following them, but it turns out he wasn’t the only one. She went back to the lodging house, gathered the newsies, and staged a rescue mission. The rescue was surprisingly easier than she thought it would be, but it didn’t matter because she got the man she loved back. They went on a few more domestic adventures after that and they told each other they loved each other for the first time while in the kitchen boiling water. She helped him with his demons and he helped her with hers. Sometimes they fought, sometimes they argued, but they always found their way back to each other. They were each other’s light in the darkness. One winter’s day after competing to see who could pick out the best sweater for the other, he asked her to marry him. It was spontaneous and nothing special, but she didn’t care, she was just excited to spend her life with him. They plan to get married soon, but first she plans to reunite with and make amends with her newsies family back in Richmond. (Bonus fact: She’s going to ask Tommy to walk her down the aisle because he was her brother’s best friend and kinda like a second brother to her.)

[samuelmmarcus]

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Atlanta

  Happy Mother’s Day, my dear friends! I hope you are able to enjoy this special day surrounded by love. I will be celebrating it with my kids and my heart will be with my mother. I know that, although I am far away from her, love unites us.

Talking about love, I am sure you guys will love Leah’s home as much I do! As you will soon see, this is a place that is calm, peaceful and I’m sure it will help you start this week feeling a little more relaxed and with good energy around you.

Here, the sweet Leah explains more about her beautiful home:

  “Hi everyone! My name is Leah of @bellsheepstudio. It is exciting to have this opportunity to welcome each of you into our home! I am so grateful that Luciane invited me to contribute to her Beautiful Homes of Instagram series, as I continue to find so much personal inspiration from Home Bunch.

My husband, Daniel and I have been married a little over three years now. We both grew up in Georgia and originally met as I was entering my senior year of high school. It wasn’t until eight year later that we reconnected and quickly realized we wanted to commit to choosing one another each day forward.

We spent our first two years of marriage in an apartment on the Westside of Atlanta. I loved the process of making the 700 sq. ft. feel like “us”, and it was there that we started to build our meaning of “home” together. We knew we wanted to stay in the city, so we would frequently drive through Atlanta neighborhoods dreaming and scouting potential houses. Surprisingly, we ended up finding a small lot and engaged Daniel’s brother, who owns a construction company.

I underestimated how much we would learn about ourselves and each other through the process of building our first home. It gave me a greater appreciation for design and Daniel continued to encourage me to embrace my passion for creating meaningful spaces. I was blown away by how much know-how and skill he has when it comes to construction. Many home projects later, I wonder if he regrets showing me all of his cards that soon.

Since moving in, we have tried to make decisions with our family value, “Open Home,” specifically in mind. This value serves as a reminder for us to practice hospitality. For me, this means believing that each person who comes through our door is significant and hoping that they will feel refreshed and valued from spending time with us in our home.

It has already been a joy to experience the fruit of opening our home! I hope that wherever you are today, you feel like a welcomed guest as you join me on this tour!”

  Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Atlanta

We found a charming Southern Living House Plan and were able to make a few customizations to the layout. We also added several windows to bring more natural light into our home.

House Plan: Southern Living House Plan – Old Pond Place

Our Builder: Artisans of Atlanta.

Exterior Color Scheme

Before the footings were even poured, I had already dreamed up our exterior color scheme. My inspiration came from a charming Bed and Breakfast in Charleston, SC that I had absolutely fallen in love with! The siding is Sherwin Williams Repose Gray, with Sherwin Williams Dorian Gray on the door and shutters. Our exterior trim is Sherwin Williams Alabaster White.

Meet the Homeowner!

This is the talented and beautiful, Leah from @bellsheepstudio. Make sure to follow her on Instagram!

Front Porch

My goal when designing and decorating our porch was to make it feel like a warm welcome.

Patio Furniture

Outdoor Bench & Occasional Chair: World Market

Outdoor Coffee Table: World Market

White Garden Stool: Home Goods – similar here & here.

White Planters: Target Geared Planter White – Project 62

Blue Porch Ceiling

One of my favorite things about our home is the blue porch ceiling. I have always loved this southern tradition, and whether or not it keeps “spirits” or “bugs” away it definitely adds a big dose of charm. I had trouble finding the right shade, and actually had to have it repainted because the first blue was a bit too bright. We ended up with Sherwin Williams Hinting Blue and could not be happier with how it turned out!

White Rocking Chairs: Wayfair

Front Door

The grey front door is painted in Sherwin Williams SW 7017 Dorian Gray.

White Planters: Target – similar here.

Outdoor Wall Lanterns: Home Depot – Others: here, here, here, here & here.

Doormat

You had me at “hello”.

Front Doormat: TJ Maxx (discontinued) – similar here & here.

Welcome!

I wanted our living room to strike a balance between my two favorite descriptors, simple and cozy. I tried to achieve this through the use of simple lines mixed with cozy textures.

Dalia Chesterfield Sofas: Wayfair

Finn Hand-Knotted Rug: Pottery Barn

Fringe Velvet Pillows: Pottery Barn

Fiddle Tree

We got our fiddle leaf fig tree from Home Depot and I think it adds a fresh feel to our living room. Apparently naming your tree helps you remember to care for it, so we call her Opal.

Faux Fiddle Tree: here

Similar Planter: here

Window Treatment

To accentuate our tall ceilings and add drama to the design, I hung the curtains just below the crown molding.

White Curtains: Ikea – similar here & here.

Bamboo Shades: Home Depot & here.

Rods: here – similar.

Coffee Table

Coffee table is from Wayfair.

Fireplace

I love how our white fireplace is the focal point of the living room. I ended up painting the inside of the firebox black to have our birch gas logs stand out a bit more.

Birch Gas Logs: Woodland Direct – similar here.

Accent Chairs

Washed Cane Chairs: Target Juniper Cane and White Washed Wood Barrel Chair – similar here.

Study

The study is Daniel’s favorite spot in our house to begin his day drinking coffee and reading. I selected French doors so that this little space would still be open and feel like a part our main living area.

Blue Velvet Chairs

These velvet blue chairs were purchased from Home Goods before we even moved in. I typically purchase neutral furniture, but these were just too fun! The stools were a second-hand find that I recovered in a dainty navy and white herringbone fabric.

Chairs: Lucite Bristol Sea Blue Velvet Wingback Chair (discountinued) – Others: here, here & here.

Desk & Rug

Mango Wood Desk: Marshalls – Similar: here & here

Wishbone Desk Chair: World Market

Jute Chenille Herringbone Rug: West Elm

Lucite Floor Lamp: Target Delavan Tripod Floor Lamp – Other Beautiful Floor Lamps: here, here, here & here.

Desk Planter

Bust Planter: Ballard Designs – Other Planters: here, here & here.

Paint Color

Walls are Sherwin Williams Alabaster White.

Trim: Sherwin Williams Pure White.

Ceiling: Sherwin Williams Ceiling White.

Blue Hutch

When we were young my mom constantly had us in and out of antique shops. She definitely passed this ‘treasure hunting’ gene along to me! Our blue antique hutch was a Facebook Marketplace find. To bring the piece to life, I used Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in Aubusson Blue and sealed it with Annie Sloan Dark and Clear Wax.

Books

To keep our shelves simple and neutral, I turned my antique book collection spine in.

Dining Area

Lighting is one of my favorite design elements, so I was ecstatic to find this modern chandelier at West Elm for our dining space. Our table was a hand-me-down from my mom that I stripped and white washed with leftover paint from our walls.

Globe Chandelier Light: West Elm,  Sculptural Glass Globe Chandelier

Dining Room Side Chairs: Hayneedle

Dining Room Head Chairs: Wayfair

Beautiful Dining Tables: here, here, here, here, here & here.

Open Layout

The dining room opens to a bright and functional white kitchen.

Kitchen

I always have loved a clean white kitchen, so I was set on having white cabinetry and countertops. We went with flat panel, shaker cabinets accented by 3×6 white subway tile.

Kitchen Island

We finished our countertops with a straight edge and slightly rounded corners. Our kitchen island measures 66in wide by 36in high.

Kitchen Island Pendants: Destination Lighting – Other Lighting: here, here & here.

Blue Counter Stools: Target 24″ Holmdel Counter Stool – Project 62 – Other Counterstools: here, here & here.

Hardwood Flooring

We kept our paint color and flooring consistent throughout our home. Our floors are French oak, wide plank engineered hardwood from Home Depot.

Kitchen Decor

I love adding different pieces to my ginger jar collection. These blue ginger jars are all from Home Goods and TJ Maxx.

Similar Ginger Jars: here & here.

Kitchen Faucet

Kitchen Faucet: Kingston Brass Polished Chrome.

Sink: here – similar.

Backsplash: White Subway Tile.

Dough Bowl: here – similar.

Hardware: Pulls & Knobs – similar.

Bamboo Shades: Home Depot & here.

Countertop

Our countertops are Eternal Statuario quartz by Silestone.

Kitchen Runner: World Market

Guest Bedroom

I was looking for a way to cozy-up our guest bedroom, so we recently added this shiplap accent wall and hung the round mirror over the bed.

Round Mirror: Target Round Decorative Wall Mirror Brass – Project 62 – similar here & here.

Nightstand

White Nightstands: Wayfair

White Lamps: Ralph Lauren Home from Home Goods – Other Beautiful Table Lamps: here, here, here & here.

Decor

Crystal Chandelier: Wayfair

Gray Panel Headboard: Wayfair

Blue Tufted Foliage Rug: Anthropologie

Dresser

I found this chest of drawers in a little antique shop and updated it with Amy Howard Chalk Paint in French Blue.

Family Values

We currently have our letter board displaying our family values.

Master Bedroom

I went completely neutral in our bedroom (I count leopard as a neutral :)). I wanted it to be a calming retreat where we would truly feel relaxed.

Gray Tufted Headboard: One Kings Lane

Leopard Pillows: Etsy

Inspiration

The design inspiration for our bedroom is centered around this antique oil painting of sheep. I found this gem at a local auction, and it was the best $80 I have ever spent.

Beaded Chandelier

Beaded Chandelier: Wayfair

White Duvet: Pottery Barn

Mirror & Dresser

This antique gold mirror was Daniel’s grandmothers and we loved the opportunity to incorporate it.

White Dresser: Ikea – Others: here, here & here.

Beautiful Mirrors: here, here, here, here, here, here, here & here.

Memories

My Papa (grandfather) made this beautiful little church and it is one of my most prized earthly possessions.

Nightstands

Nightstands are from Home Goods –  Other Beautiful Nightstands: here, here, here & here.

Lamps: Ralph Lauren Home from Home Goods – Similar: here.

Master Bathroom

For our bathroom, we went with large white subway laid in a herringbone mosaic on the floor. Surprisingly, our builder found this beautiful vanity at Costco and it was exactly what we were looking for!

Similar Bathroom Vanity: here (in Light Grey).

 Bathroom Faucets: Kingston Brass Polished Chrome.

Vanity Sconces: Polished Nickel – Crate & Barrel.

Beveled Mirrors: Home Goods – Similar: here & here.

Beige Vase – Target Vase Beige – Project 62.

  Many thanks to Leah for sharing all of the details above. Make sure to follow her on Instagram to see more of her beautiful home!

Photography: Elizabeth Lauren Jones.

  Best Sales of the Month:

Thank you for shopping through Home Bunch. I would be happy to assist you if you have any questions or are looking for something in particular. Feel free to contact me and always make sure to check dimensions before ordering. Happy shopping!

Wayfair: Up to 70% OFF – Home Remodel Sale!!!

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One Kings Lane: High Quality Design Decor for Less.

West Elm: Best time to shop. Up to 40% off Everything!!!

Anthropologie: See the super-popular Joanna Gaines Exclusive line!

Urban Outfitters: Hip & Affordable Home Decor.

Horchow: High Quality Furniture and Decor. Up to 30% off the entire site!

Nordstrom: Up to 40% OFF. New Decor!

Posts of the Week:

Nantucket Shingle Style Home.

2019 New Year Home Tour.

Fairbanks Ranch California Homes.

Transforming a House Into a Home.

Small lot Beach House.

Small Lot Modern Farmhouse.

Coastal Farmhouse Home Decor.

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Fixer Upper.

Modern Coastal Shingle Home.

Modern Farmhouse with Front Porch.

Full-scale Home Remodel Inspiration.

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: How to Build your own Home.

New England Home.

Connecticut Beach House.

New Year, New Beautiful Homes of Instagram.

Grey Kitchen Paint Colors.

Follow me on Instagram: @HomeBunch

You can follow my pins here: Pinterest/HomeBunch

See more Inspiring Interior Design Ideas in my Archives.

“Dear God,

If I am wrong, right me. If I am lost, guide me. If I start to give-up, keep me going.

Lead me in Light and Love”.

Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

with Love,

Luciane from HomeBunch.com

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[dawnjeman]

Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Atlanta

  Happy Mother’s Day, my dear friends! I hope you are able to enjoy this special day surrounded by love. I will be celebrating it with my kids and my heart will be with my mother. I know that, although I am far away from her, love unites us.

Talking about love, I am sure you guys will love Leah’s home as much I do! As you will soon see, this is a place that is calm, peaceful and I’m sure it will help you start this week feeling a little more relaxed and with good energy around you.

Here, the sweet Leah explains more about her beautiful home:

  “Hi everyone! My name is Leah of @bellsheepstudio. It is exciting to have this opportunity to welcome each of you into our home! I am so grateful that Luciane invited me to contribute to her Beautiful Homes of Instagram series, as I continue to find so much personal inspiration from Home Bunch.

My husband, Daniel and I have been married a little over three years now. We both grew up in Georgia and originally met as I was entering my senior year of high school. It wasn’t until eight year later that we reconnected and quickly realized we wanted to commit to choosing one another each day forward.

We spent our first two years of marriage in an apartment on the Westside of Atlanta. I loved the process of making the 700 sq. ft. feel like “us”, and it was there that we started to build our meaning of “home” together. We knew we wanted to stay in the city, so we would frequently drive through Atlanta neighborhoods dreaming and scouting potential houses. Surprisingly, we ended up finding a small lot and engaged Daniel’s brother, who owns a construction company.

I underestimated how much we would learn about ourselves and each other through the process of building our first home. It gave me a greater appreciation for design and Daniel continued to encourage me to embrace my passion for creating meaningful spaces. I was blown away by how much know-how and skill he has when it comes to construction. Many home projects later, I wonder if he regrets showing me all of his cards that soon.

Since moving in, we have tried to make decisions with our family value, “Open Home,” specifically in mind. This value serves as a reminder for us to practice hospitality. For me, this means believing that each person who comes through our door is significant and hoping that they will feel refreshed and valued from spending time with us in our home.

It has already been a joy to experience the fruit of opening our home! I hope that wherever you are today, you feel like a welcomed guest as you join me on this tour!”

  Beautiful Homes of Instagram: Atlanta

We found a charming Southern Living House Plan and were able to make a few customizations to the layout. We also added several windows to bring more natural light into our home.

House Plan: Southern Living House Plan – Old Pond Place

Our Builder: Artisans of Atlanta.

Exterior Color Scheme

Before the footings were even poured, I had already dreamed up our exterior color scheme. My inspiration came from a charming Bed and Breakfast in Charleston, SC that I had absolutely fallen in love with! The siding is Sherwin Williams Repose Gray, with Sherwin Williams Dorian Gray on the door and shutters. Our exterior trim is Sherwin Williams Alabaster White.

Meet the Homeowner!

This is the talented and beautiful, Leah from @bellsheepstudio. Make sure to follow her on Instagram!

Front Porch

My goal when designing and decorating our porch was to make it feel like a warm welcome.

Patio Furniture

Outdoor Bench & Occasional Chair: World Market

Outdoor Coffee Table: World Market

White Garden Stool: Home Goods – similar here & here.

White Planters: Target Geared Planter White – Project 62

Blue Porch Ceiling

One of my favorite things about our home is the blue porch ceiling. I have always loved this southern tradition, and whether or not it keeps “spirits” or “bugs” away it definitely adds a big dose of charm. I had trouble finding the right shade, and actually had to have it repainted because the first blue was a bit too bright. We ended up with Sherwin Williams Hinting Blue and could not be happier with how it turned out!

White Rocking Chairs: Wayfair

Front Door

The grey front door is painted in Sherwin Williams SW 7017 Dorian Gray.

White Planters: Target – similar here.

Outdoor Wall Lanterns: Home Depot – Others: here, here, here, here & here.

Doormat

You had me at “hello”.

Front Doormat: TJ Maxx (discontinued) – similar here & here.

Welcome!

I wanted our living room to strike a balance between my two favorite descriptors, simple and cozy. I tried to achieve this through the use of simple lines mixed with cozy textures.

Dalia Chesterfield Sofas: Wayfair

Finn Hand-Knotted Rug: Pottery Barn

Fringe Velvet Pillows: Pottery Barn

Fiddle Tree

We got our fiddle leaf fig tree from Home Depot and I think it adds a fresh feel to our living room. Apparently naming your tree helps you remember to care for it, so we call her Opal.

Faux Fiddle Tree: here

Similar Planter: here

Window Treatment

To accentuate our tall ceilings and add drama to the design, I hung the curtains just below the crown molding.

White Curtains: Ikea – similar here & here.

Bamboo Shades: Home Depot & here.

Rods: here – similar.

Coffee Table

Coffee table is from Wayfair.

Fireplace

I love how our white fireplace is the focal point of the living room. I ended up painting the inside of the firebox black to have our birch gas logs stand out a bit more.

Birch Gas Logs: Woodland Direct – similar here.

Accent Chairs

Washed Cane Chairs: Target Juniper Cane and White Washed Wood Barrel Chair – similar here.

Study

The study is Daniel’s favorite spot in our house to begin his day drinking coffee and reading. I selected French doors so that this little space would still be open and feel like a part our main living area.

Blue Velvet Chairs

These velvet blue chairs were purchased from Home Goods before we even moved in. I typically purchase neutral furniture, but these were just too fun! The stools were a second-hand find that I recovered in a dainty navy and white herringbone fabric.

Chairs: Lucite Bristol Sea Blue Velvet Wingback Chair (discountinued) – Others: here, here & here.

Desk & Rug

Mango Wood Desk: Marshalls – Similar: here & here

Wishbone Desk Chair: World Market

Jute Chenille Herringbone Rug: West Elm

Lucite Floor Lamp: Target Delavan Tripod Floor Lamp – Other Beautiful Floor Lamps: here, here, here & here.

Desk Planter

Bust Planter: Ballard Designs – Other Planters: here, here & here.

Paint Color

Walls are Sherwin Williams Alabaster White.

Trim: Sherwin Williams Pure White.

Ceiling: Sherwin Williams Ceiling White.

Blue Hutch

When we were young my mom constantly had us in and out of antique shops. She definitely passed this ‘treasure hunting’ gene along to me! Our blue antique hutch was a Facebook Marketplace find. To bring the piece to life, I used Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in Aubusson Blue and sealed it with Annie Sloan Dark and Clear Wax.

Books

To keep our shelves simple and neutral, I turned my antique book collection spine in.

Dining Area

Lighting is one of my favorite design elements, so I was ecstatic to find this modern chandelier at West Elm for our dining space. Our table was a hand-me-down from my mom that I stripped and white washed with leftover paint from our walls.

Globe Chandelier Light: West Elm,  Sculptural Glass Globe Chandelier

Dining Room Side Chairs: Hayneedle

Dining Room Head Chairs: Wayfair

Beautiful Dining Tables: here, here, here, here, here & here.

Open Layout

The dining room opens to a bright and functional white kitchen.

Kitchen

I always have loved a clean white kitchen, so I was set on having white cabinetry and countertops. We went with flat panel, shaker cabinets accented by 3×6 white subway tile.

Kitchen Island

We finished our countertops with a straight edge and slightly rounded corners. Our kitchen island measures 66in wide by 36in high.

Kitchen Island Pendants: Destination Lighting – Other Lighting: here, here & here.

Blue Counter Stools: Target 24″ Holmdel Counter Stool – Project 62 – Other Counterstools: here, here & here.

Hardwood Flooring

We kept our paint color and flooring consistent throughout our home. Our floors are French oak, wide plank engineered hardwood from Home Depot.

Kitchen Decor

I love adding different pieces to my ginger jar collection. These blue ginger jars are all from Home Goods and TJ Maxx.

Similar Ginger Jars: here & here.

Kitchen Faucet

Kitchen Faucet: Kingston Brass Polished Chrome.

Sink: here – similar.

Backsplash: White Subway Tile.

Dough Bowl: here – similar.

Hardware: Pulls & Knobs – similar.

Bamboo Shades: Home Depot & here.

Countertop

Our countertops are Eternal Statuario quartz by Silestone.

Kitchen Runner: World Market

Guest Bedroom

I was looking for a way to cozy-up our guest bedroom, so we recently added this shiplap accent wall and hung the round mirror over the bed.

Round Mirror: Target Round Decorative Wall Mirror Brass – Project 62 – similar here & here.

Nightstand

White Nightstands: Wayfair

White Lamps: Ralph Lauren Home from Home Goods – Other Beautiful Table Lamps: here, here, here & here.

Decor

Crystal Chandelier: Wayfair

Gray Panel Headboard: Wayfair

Blue Tufted Foliage Rug: Anthropologie

Dresser

I found this chest of drawers in a little antique shop and updated it with Amy Howard Chalk Paint in French Blue.

Family Values

We currently have our letter board displaying our family values.

Master Bedroom

I went completely neutral in our bedroom (I count leopard as a neutral :)). I wanted it to be a calming retreat where we would truly feel relaxed.

Gray Tufted Headboard: One Kings Lane

Leopard Pillows: Etsy

Inspiration

The design inspiration for our bedroom is centered around this antique oil painting of sheep. I found this gem at a local auction, and it was the best $80 I have ever spent.

Beaded Chandelier

Beaded Chandelier: Wayfair

White Duvet: Pottery Barn

Mirror & Dresser

This antique gold mirror was Daniel’s grandmothers and we loved the opportunity to incorporate it.

White Dresser: Ikea – Others: here, here & here.

Beautiful Mirrors: here, here, here, here, here, here, here & here.

Memories

My Papa (grandfather) made this beautiful little church and it is one of my most prized earthly possessions.

Nightstands

Nightstands are from Home Goods –  Other Beautiful Nightstands: here, here, here & here.

Lamps: Ralph Lauren Home from Home Goods – Similar: here.

Master Bathroom

For our bathroom, we went with large white subway laid in a herringbone mosaic on the floor. Surprisingly, our builder found this beautiful vanity at Costco and it was exactly what we were looking for!

Similar Bathroom Vanity: here (in Light Grey).

 Bathroom Faucets: Kingston Brass Polished Chrome.

Vanity Sconces: Polished Nickel – Crate & Barrel.

Beveled Mirrors: Home Goods – Similar: here & here.

Beige Vase – Target Vase Beige – Project 62.

  Many thanks to Leah for sharing all of the details above. Make sure to follow her on Instagram to see more of her beautiful home!

Photography: Elizabeth Lauren Jones.

  Best Sales of the Month:

Thank you for shopping through Home Bunch. I would be happy to assist you if you have any questions or are looking for something in particular. Feel free to contact me and always make sure to check dimensions before ordering. Happy shopping!

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One Kings Lane: High Quality Design Decor for Less.

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See more Inspiring Interior Design Ideas in my Archives.

“Dear God,

If I am wrong, right me. If I am lost, guide me. If I start to give-up, keep me going.

Lead me in Light and Love”.

Have a wonderful day, my friends and we’ll talk again tomorrow.”

with Love,

Luciane from HomeBunch.com

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