#just want someone to commiserate in my pain

[theawesomerocket]

Some people really do have such structurally deep brain rot that they literally can no longer partake in normal conversations over the breakfast table (and I’m talking about folks who are conservative here)

For instance, my father claimed that the pride flag was actually culturally appropriating Hawaiian culture because…? (He brought it up cause he literally can’t help himself. My aunt brings up that she saw a street decorated with pride flags and he just *needs* to make a snide comment)

When I told him that was bs, he then went on about it’s like how the swastika was actually cultural appropriation of Asian culture.

I shouldn’t have to tell a grown ass man that the use of a common natural phenomenon for symbolism is not the same as the use of specific historical iconography (let’s not even get into how it’s actually reasonable to assume that the use of the swastika is in relation to the Nazis and not whatever it might have meant before. Cause yeah he was also complaining about people “assuming” the swastika meant Nazis).

So just to make it clear: the pride flag isn’t appropriating Hawaiian culture and comparing queer people to the fucking Nazis is abhorrent.

[kanmom51]

Missing Jikook today

Not that I don't miss them every single day, but just saying...

@wonsummernight Miss your edits!!!!!! I know there isn't any new Jikook content just yet, but if there was a time we were in dire need for some heart wrenching Jikook edits, this is it!!!

Basically, this is me telling you "PLEASE COME BACK". 💜💜

So, I came today to cry a little, you know commiserating together with others takes the edge off a bit (note to self: keep telling yourself that, and you might start believing it too...), but also to remind y'all that SM is crap, a viper pit, a cec pool, where all the miserably unhappy ignorant assholes tend to flock to (this is about the assholes that have turned sm into such a place), either to create drama that will get them some much needed attention they aren't getting elsewhere, or to create a parallel universe where their dreams and wants come true, even if they have zero standing in reality. Oh, and I forgot those that are there to make some hard cash, by all means.

And why am I mentioning all of this, you may ask?

Well, because for some reason my hopes and dreams for a fandom cleanse are being shattered as we speak.

As you may already know, I've taken a step back lately. mainly distancing myself from SM, as it's been going downhill for ages now, but has become an even uglier place to visit in the past few months, I'd say ever since it's been known that JK and JM are enlisting TOGETHER and will be serving TOGETHER, basically being in each other's close vicinity 24/7 for 18 months (even if not sharing exact same duties within the unit) and spending off time together . And to clarify once again: Same unit, same posting (base), different duties within the unit.

You'd think that 3 months in, and after the initial shock, reality and truth would set in (even with the most delusional) that these two young men CHOSE to enlist together (free choice and steps taken by both of them to achieve this). And once again me reminding they are the only ones in the group to decide they want to do this and the only idols to ever do so.

But no. Who am I kidding? Probably wishful thinking on my part. You know, that these people will either wake up, smell the roses and just cope with reality, or plain and simply piss off (that's probably me being delusional at this point).

Point being, it's gotten even worse. Like who would have believed that would happen? Yeah, probably should have seen it coming though. When you have cult behavior, when you have those that profit off it (monetarily or otherwise), I should have known it would go this way. The need to dive even deeper into the filth of this earth, to create even dumber narratives, to, of course, spew even more hate towards either of them (depending what delusional team you are on).

Should have seen it all coming.

Sadly, instead of just leaving, tail between their legs, they are doubling down on their utterly delusional beliefs regarding these young men. Not without pain, I may add. Pain, that a small part of me, someone that tries very hard to be nice and good and positive, is now relishing (I lie... not that mall of a part after all). Their twists and turns, their made up shit to compensate for whatever shit JK, JM or Tae are throwing their way... kind of priceless. I mean, if they aren't going anywhere, should we not at least enjoy their demise?

Does that make me a bad person?

Honestly, I don't think so.

And Jikook being away from most of this, lighting the fire and walking away leaving their haters behind to burn, was a nice touch.

Now we just sit here silently wait for our little travel show...

💜💜

[hoshi-kawaii]

One of the worst parts of living with chronic pain for years is that after a while it can feel like no one cares that you're in pain.

Sometimes when my pain is at it's highest levels I find myself screaming out into the universe "Some one care about me! Can't anyone see I'm suffering? Doesn't anyone care at all that I'm in so much pain I can hardly bare existence?"

But there is often no one there. Maintaining friendships is hard with chronic illness and most people get fed up with you or your illness or just plain drift apart when its difficult to keep contact.

Even family members can get sick of hearing about your sickness, or too busy living their own lives or dealing with their own issues to give support.

Sometimes people just plain don't know how to help you even if they wanted to. They then have the luxury of putting your pain on the back shelf of their mind while you do not.

Everyone around you can become numb to your pain but you.

But when I'm at an 8 or higher and entering a pain crisis, I just wish someone could care: sit with me, watch a movie, treat me to one of favorite things, show me cute animal pictures, and commiserate.

Instead I mostly suffer in silence because I would rather that than to tell someone and get the same old non-reaction.

No one ever bothers to ask how I'm feeling anyway so why should I go to them and say, "I'm in pain! Care about me!"

[clavissionary-position]

Ikeprinces As Ranked By Gilbert

**Best enjoyed after reading Gil’s route. There are also spoilers of varying degrees from some sequel routes (Chev, Licht).

1. LUKE

Luke: I’m surprised I got the top spot. Don’t you and Chevvie go way back? Gilbert: That’s true, but you’re my adorable little kid brother. I’ve carried you on my back. You’ve carried me on your back. Good times. Luke: Aw, Dad… (bear-hugs Gil) Gilbert: (pouts as he struggles to breathe) Did you even… hear a word of what I said… Luke: I heard ‘kid’. That makes ya my dad, right?

2. CHEVALIER

Gilbert: So? What do you think? Chevalier: (ignores him and continues doing paperwork) Gilbert: (high-pitched voice) “Please, oh please, Gil! Please trample my country to the ground, rebuild it in your image and then run it for me!” Something like that, right? Gilbert: (dodges pebble) Ahh, sorry, sorry. It would probably be more like “Please, oh please, Eyepatch!" Gilbert: (dodges another pebble) What is going on here? Do you roll around in the garden before coming to work every day?

3. CLAVIS

Clavis: (stiff smile) I baked you one of my most sought-after creations as thanks. I’d be honored if you’d try it, Lord Gilbert. Gilbert: Hmm, it looks as unappetizing as I expected but smells delicious. Oh, and... (sniffs) ...you even infused it with my favorite poison! Clavis: Hahaha! Well, I didn’t want you to get the idea that I’d learned nothing about you during all our years working together. Gilbert: Of course, of course. Would you like to share this with me Clavis: (stiff smile) No, no, no. It’s best enjoyed alone. Please, I insist.

4. RIO

Rio: If you’re trying to use me to get to my mistress, then I’ll— Gilbert: You misunderstand me. (Sets down two plates of pain perdu and places his hand on Rio’s) I really do commiserate with you, you know. It’s not easy seeing the one you love go off to be with another man. And yet you gladly sacrifice your own happiness. As though it were someone else's joy to give away. Rio: It is. My joy belongs to my mistress. Gilbert: Hmph? Let's see. Pain perdu means ‘lost bread’, right? Poor, poor abandoned little toast, molding under the table. Gilbert: Oh, by the way. I asked the little rabbit if I could bring these to you on her behalf. (Proceeds to eat all the pain perdu himself) Rio: (smiles brightly) So I’ve heard you love exercising!

5. SILVIO

Silvio: (kicks down the door) Where's the list? Gilbert: (innocently sips tea) So you can tear it up? Did you think I didn't make copies to send to every one of your little merchant friends? Silvio: My real friends know what's up. Gilbert: What a hurtful thing to say. I’m just honoring our friendship. And buttering you up for future manipulation. Silvio: Tch. I don’t know what game you’re playing— Gilbert: Human chess. Silvio: —but I’ll buy up every damn piece before you can get your filthy little mitts on 'em. Gilbert: Hehe, splendid. (Sits back with a smile) What’s more fun than controlling someone who controls everything else?

6. KEITH

Keith: Picked me over the other guy, did ya? Gilbert: Oh, he’s on the list too, of course. But I can’t stand how much of a do-gooder he is. And besides, you’re much more fun to play with. Keith: That right? I’m usually the one doing the teasing around here, though. Gilbert: (looks around dramatically) Around here? Where only a handful of people even know you exist? Tell me, if a tree falls and no one’s there to hear it, does it make a sound? Keith: >:0

7. KEITH

Keith: (hangs head) So you know… about him… Gilbert: Ahaha, there's no need to look so down! You haven’t done anything wrong, have you? It’s all him, right? If only he’d just disappear and stop taunting you from Spot #6. Keith: N-No! I don’t want that! I don’t… think I want that… Keith: Yes, I’m sure of it. He and I can share our friends. Gilbert: (stops smiling) Sharing only works if you can fully trust the other person to not take advantage of your kindness. You may think you can do that now, but people change. Circumstances change. The galette must one day burn. Keith: :’(

8. JIN

Jin: (thoroughly unamused) How kind of you. Gilbert: Isn’t it? But you should know that I’ve got nothing against you personally. Whatever enmity there is between us stems primarily from you. If you weren’t royalty, we might have even co-brothered Luke together. Jin: (throws up in his mouth) I don’t see how that has anything to do with this. And you’re the most detested royal figurehead on the continent. Gilbert: (shrugs) I’d say I’m sorry you can’t see past that, but I’d be lying if I claimed there was anything there to be seen in the first place. Thanks for the lollypop. Jin: What? HEY—

9. SARIEL

Sariel: (stops as soon as he enters his office) What are these vermin doing here? Gilbert: (sitting in Sariel’s chair) Just a little gift I brought so I could congratulate you for making it onto my list. Would you like to do the honors? Sariel: (plucks him up by the fur) Am I to understand you’re giving me a chance to correct my oversight before you take things into your own hands? Gilbert: (brushes himself off) I expect you to do most if not all of the work since my hands are tied while I’m a visiting guest here. But I’m happy to take them under my wing if you can’t even do that much. Sariel: “Kill them, or be forced to kill them,’ is it? (glances at the tied-up assassins) I wonder which one of us they would consider a fate worse than death.

10. LEON

Leon: (glares) I take it you only stuck me on here out of diplomatic courtesy. Gilbert: Haha, maybe. But there’s something about you that’s always reminded me of someone I know. Leon: Whoever it is, I feel bad for the guy. Gilbert: (bittersweet smile) You might be right. Maybe I need to do better by him…

11. LICHT

Licht: Do I know you? Gilbert: I was wondering the same thing, to be honest. But I’ve seen you around the palace enough times that I figured I might as well throw you on here. Gilbert: Nice eyes by the way, hehe. Licht: Oh no you don’t. My only family is Nokto.

12. NOKTO

Gilbert: Oh. There are two of you. Must be nice having an identical twin. (Resting his chin in his hand) Do you two switch places a lot? Nokto: You never noticed before today? Never received a report from one of your spies about it? Gilbert: Oh no, what sort of boring activities do you think I have my spies do all day? Nokto: Well, for starters, you sure seem to have paranormal insight into the contents of our kitchen at any given moment. Gilbert: So you'd rather I left all the carrots where they are? Nokto: ...

...

.......

................

Yves: Prince Gilbert!

Gilbert: (stops but doesn’t turn around)

Yves: I saw your list, and I couldn’t help but notice—

Gilbert: No, I believe you noticed everything you were meant to.

Gilbert: (leaves to go find the little rabbit to fix his bad mood)

[is-the-snake-video-cute]

Auh. I need someone to commiserate with! So in my city someone's pet boa got out, I found an article about it on Facebook aaaand I made the mistake of looking at the comments. And then my second mistake: I added my own comment about how a boa is nothing to be truly scared of (and certainly shouldn't be beaten to death with a shovel like some of the nice and civilised folks of FB wish to)... and now I'm getting replies. Extremely obuste and fearmongering ones. I understand that I brought this upon myself, but I felt like someone had to stand up for the poor critter's honour.

Gosh, I feel your pain. It's so weird to me how some people make it a point to talk about snakes like they're these evil, malignant creatures instead of just...animals.

Because I work at a wildlife center, the worst for me are when people happen to stop by when I'm doing programs or talking about snakes, and then they feel the need to tell me all about how they killed snakes they found "just in case." It's like, I'll be literally holding a black ratsnake just like the ones they kill, and I just don't know how they expect me to respond to it. It's like they want someone to tell them they were in the right for killing harmless snakes, but if you want absolution for that, you're not going to get it from me.

There are very few things about my job that I hate, but that's one of them. There always has to be someone who insists on fearmongering about snakes at educational events - it's to the point where I legit have a powerpoint discussing the main reasons people kill snakes and debunking myths that I have ready to pull up at all times.

[asdfgtukjbh]

The other thing that reallly upsets me is this: tonight, Lando is not going to go out with Oscar and celebrate his win, and maybe he wouldn't have anyway. But - he very likely will go out with Max, party, talk against Oscar and his team, and commiserate with him about their bad days. And that hurts me, because Oscar and him need each other, emotionally and in the team sense. They need this to work. Oscar is not someone to get into a rivalry with, it won't go well because it doesn't suit his personality at all. What Lando needs to do is help him and Oscar get past this pain TOGETHER and repair an already fragile and fraught relationship (just bc of the nature of their relationship, iykyk, i'm sorry but they are in love in SOME way). What I WANT is Lando to go to Oscar, hug him, and them to cry together a little bit because yes, it DOES SUCK what happened. But that is just what i WANT. What we will get, is Lando taking time to cool off, party with max, and come back next week cheerful and calm and saying everything is fine. And oscar will look at him with sadness and pain and their dynamic will completely shift into something stiff and sad and cold, and it will never be the same because Lando choose himself over Oscar and humiliated him in his first race, and he only has one chance to get Oscars trust back and I fear he is blowing it.

Fuck this day honestly, this is RUINING my sunday morning, i had mixed feelings. I JUST WANT OSCAR TO BE HAPPY DAMMIT

[broadwayfangirl222]

Addict VS Poison

Now this this isn't gonna be a "Which is better" comparison, they're both awesome to me. Plus that kinda comparison feels kinda...boring and could easily turn mean. I wanted to focus on how while they basically tackle the same topics/themes, with the same character, they end up having this different vibe to them. Let's start with the OG

(FYI I'm not gonna use any of the animation in addict as part of this character analysis since the other one doesn't have that yet and that changes quite a bit here)

Addict:

I'd say a decent chunk of this song can be summarized as "denial and distraction" Not actual denial though, but the kind of denial where you're aware but you just really, really don't want to, or you can't, actually deal the issue so you just distract yourself.

Despite having overdosed / And ending up comatose / I don't give a damn / I've let my emotions go / Fuck being a sober hoe / This is the mantra / This is my life you're playing with now / 'Til the end of the night / Surrounded by fire, the passion ignites

Angel here is basically going "fuck it, we party" He's decided to fully block out the lows, no matter how bad those lows are, and only embrace the highs. He wants squeeze every last ounce of fun and enjoyment he can out of his horrible situation. The most obvious moment of Angel completely addressing his feelings and isn't hiding behind this care free party persona is the reprise

I'm addicted to the sorrow / When the buzz ends by tomorrow / There's another rush of poison flowing into my veins / Giving me a dose of pleasure that resides by the pain / I'm addicted, I'm dependent / Looking awesome, feeling helpless

He admits he's feeling helpless and hurting and struggling here. And I don't want to mispeak on a topic like this so if i'm off on this please feel free to correct me. But the more I read this reprise the more I feel like this reprise also is kind of an admittance to this being a form of self harm too.

Now Cherri adds an interesting element to this. Even without seeing the animation you do get the impression she's by his side, she's sees what he's going through and wants to support him. One of her lines is basically offering her friendship and help

So, come if you're feelin' brave, and fancy yourself a mate / You want it, I got it / See what you like? / We could have it all by the end of the night

Without the animation this part I can see Cherri literally reaching out her hand to Angel in this part. He isn't alone here. He has someone by his side. Someone he can share the fun with and someone to commiserate with. This fact kinda gives it this hopeful tone to it despite the more negative lyrics and implications in parts. The reprise has this too with him saying maybe the hotel won't be terrible. He has this tentative hope for the future here for the first time.

Poison:

This one right off the bat this song has this frustration to it. Frustration for his situation as a whole, frustration at Valentino for putting him through all this, frustration at himself for fully knowing this is all toxic and terrible for him but still "falling for it" anyway (even thought it's obviously not his fault.) Again just purely from the lyrics and tone, this version of Angel feels like he's long past that denial and distraction. He's not distracting himself anymore. Any shred of fun and enjoyment he could have from this is just long since dead. He's completely aware here: He knows that he's trapped in a toxic cycle, fully aware it'll absolutely kill him one day. Part of the chorus is flat out "YEAH I KNOW, (it's/you're) poison" but despite that awareness, he's still stuck in this 'cause of Valentino.

Any way you want me, baby / That's the way you got me, I'll be yours / My story's gonna end with me dead from your poison / I got so good at bein' untrue / I got so good at tellin' you what you wanna hear / I disassociate, disappear / Yeah, yeah, yeah

He still has to be whatever Valentino wants and tell him whatever he wants to hear. The lyrics explicitly sate he completely detaches and simply plays the part he's supposed to. At this point there's no more denying or masking the situation to himself. Angel just sees it as pure survival now.

It's also interesting to note that it's only Angel here. There's no Cherri, or anyone, by his side in this song. He's isolated and desperate and hurt here. It feels like he's more at the end of his rope and just so lost on what to do. This is such a low point for him and his (after) life and he clearly doesn't see any out.

TLDR: Addict has this vibe of Angel wanting to embrace the chaos, the vices, the fun so he doesn't have to think on the bad. And that there's this shred of hope for the future at the end, like it might be possible for him to get out of this. Meanwhile Poison is him fully aware of his situation. He's frustrated, hurt and desperate to get out of this toxic cycle of abuse but he doesn't see how so he's just doing anything and everything he can to survive

[sightkeeper]

I'm going to be staying off socials until noise drops off a bit, but only wanted to say I genuinely really loved the season, so much, and I am so incredibly happy to continue to create in this fandom for the future :)

(just a bit more Thoughts on the ending below the cut)

My hyperfixation character is Aziraphale and I was Beyond Worried that what I felt I remembered about the characters would be off, but I didn't. Yes even the end

Even without the coffee theory, the combination of Aziraphale not questioning Her but questioning the System makes sense to me as a motivation, but also the prospect of doing good, being able to have the power to protect (Crowley), I see the appeal for him

And the Metatron love bombing Aziraphale, commiserating on also enjoying Human Food so he feels accepted for something he's usually ridiculed for, just general manipulative methods of getting someone to return to the fold

Even if Aziraphale is making this wrong choice fully aware, deprograming is a process, so it doesn't shake my conviction that because it's not instantaneous or linear that it isn't happening, or that Aziraphale will lose all of his character development

I can deal with complicated, and I have faith :)

(Yes of COURSE I'm also IN PAIN but it's because I love these characters and the conflict SUCKS but I also think it's good TV! I'm angry but only in an anticipatory way!!)

[try-set-me-on-fire]

‘this is my husband/wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner etc.’ for soft fic prompts?

Send me soft fic prompts! Read the rest here!

Heather would say she's not having a great day. Sure, her and Tracy hadn't been on the most stable ground lately, but coming home from the San Francisco office to a two page (both sides!) handwritten letter full of incredibly beautiful prose that more or less boiled down to it’s not you, it’s me was still a shock. And, you know, maybe she had been spending too much time crunching for work, but she’d been trying to make senior art director for years and when she’d finally got the promotion she wanted to make sure the studio didn’t regret it. The studio who, 15 minutes after the whole ‘getting dumped, epistolary style’, called to tell her the promotion had been unpromotioned. Two steps, unpromotioned, actually, seeing as they were “taking the project in a new direction” and “felt she would be better suited to a support role rather than leadership.” And, you know, Heather thinks of herself as a relatively laid back person, she’s chill, she’s calm and collected, but after four straight months of 6 day work weeks pulling overtime almost every night she thought she deserved a face to face goddamn explanation for all of this, so she had climbed right back into the subaru she’d driven all night in and took off towards Burbank.

She’d made it three exits past her apartment when some asshole in a truck too big for him to control had swerved into her.

At least someone's already called 911, judging by the emergency vehicles pulling up, and this was a rental car paid for with company dime, so she doesn't even have to stress about it being crumpled up like a tin can. There's a tap on the window frame (the glass is gone, she hadn't even noticed) and she startles, peering out at the platonic ideal of a hot guy she might have described to friends as her "type" when she was sixteen and still trying to be straight. Ruffled dark hair, warm eyes, a kind look on his face. She can't see his arms under his firefighter coat, but she bets they're jacked.

"Hi," the apparition says. "My name's Eddie Diaz. Are you in any pain?"

"Uh," Heather says, trying to take stock. "Mostly shaky, I think."

He nods, shining a flashlight in her eyes. "Can you wiggle your fingers for me? How 'bout your toes?"

"Eyes and ears and mouth and nose," she sing songs as she does so, and Eddie Diaz has the good grace to laugh.

"Alright, you're a little scraped up but I don't think you have a concussion. Can you tell me your name, the date, and where we are?"

"Heather Pantry, July 23rd, the 5 somewhere near Atwater."

"Pantry?" Eddie quirks an eyebrow as he examines the car around her.

"Hand to god," she says, used to the double take. "From the proud Pantry line of middle of nowhere Massachusetts."

"Well, good to meet you Ms. Pantry. I have to go get-" Eddie straightens up and waved someone over. "Honey, can you stay with her? I'm gonna grab the jaws and some bandages."

Eddie steps away and a new man crouches in his place. He's blondish, has a red birthmark splotched above his eye, and is grinning cheerfully. "Hey, we're gonna get you out of here in no time."

"I bet you got shit from other kids about your name too, huh?" She smiles at him in commiseration, and then confusion as he looks at her questioningly. "Oh, you didn't hear- I'm Heather Pantry. And you're Honey, right? Food names."

His face stays puzzled for a second before he laughs. "Ah, no." He jabs a thumb in the direction Eddie walked. "I'm married to that guy." He says it proudly, and his grin gets somehow more cheerful.

"Oh, shit, sorry," she says as he flaps an understanding hand.

"Don't worry about it, just don't let our colleagues know he used a pet name at work or we'll never hear the end of it. My name's Buck Diaz." He holds out a hand.

She mimes a zipper over her mouth as she shakes it. Multi tasking! Take that, potential concussion! Her eye catches on his name tag as he pulls away and she frowns. Aw no, concussion. "Why does that say…"

Buck looks down at the letters. "Ah, right. Well, I took Eddie's name when I got married, but my- everyone calls me Buck, has for ages, but it's a nickname from my old last name, and I didn't want to be Evan Diaz with no tie to that, so I changed my first name too, because Evan just isn't really my name anymore. But," he gestures down at the name tag, and then over his shoulder at the back of his jacket. "The names on our turnouts are one of the ways we find each other in low visibility, and how we might be initially identified if something, uh, goes wrong, and everyone rejected my perfectly good idea of being labeled 'Diaz 1' and 'Diaz 2' so… I was born Evan Buckley, my legal name is Buck Diaz, my work name is Buckley, sometimes people call me Buckaroo, and Chimney says they should just start sending me out to explain all that as the new concussion protocol."

"Chimney?"

"You'd fit right in around here, Pantry. You looking for a career change?"

"Hah," she says. "The LAFD looking to recruit failed art directors who can't maintain a good relationship with the best girl they've ever known?"

Buck grimaces in sympathy. "You've had a rough day."

"I've certainly had better." She looks at her shit thrown all about the car, feeling a little pathetic, and then back at Buck. If something goes wrong… "Is it hard, working together? Do you- I mean, either of you could get hurt at any time. It's gotta be hard knowing that, or- seeing that. Being there."

Buck's smile turns a little rueful, and he looks back towards the firetruck for a moment. "Yeah… we've had our fair share of close calls." He laughs, though there's not much humor in it, and starts holding up fingers. "Eddie's been crushed in a collapsed well 40 feet underground, and he got shot standing two feet in front of me, and there was the whole thing with the freeway collapse - which is how we got together, actually - and I've been crushed under a firetruck, was on the pier with our kid when the tsunami hit, and I got struck by lightning." He does a little jazz hand. "I died for three minutes."

"And seventeen seconds," comes Eddie's quiet voice. He's standing there with the supplies, looking down at Buck, something too steps more sad than a frown on his face.

Buck looks up at him, eyes intense, smile small. "And seventeen seconds," he corrects, and then looks back at Heather with both eyebrows up. "I don't recommend it!"

"I'll do my best to not get deceased."

“But I think…” Buck looks thoughtful as he stands to let his husband press gauze to cuts Heather didn’t know she had. “I’d rather be here, than not. I want to be by Eddie’s side, even and especially when things are hard, and to, uh,” he laughs a private laugh, bumps his elbow with Eddie’s. “To have his back, like I know he has mine.” Together, they work the jaws into the door and finally wrench it open with a terrible metallic screech. “And anyway, some of that stuff happened while I wasn’t even at work, so bad things can happen at any time. I want to… know I had the chance to do something about it, when they do.”

Both of the men reach in to help Heather, moving around each other so easily, so familiar. Her eyes sting a little, and she could blame it on the scrapes but she’s thinking of Tracy singing while she does the dishes. She sniffs a little as Buck holds her elbow. “Wasn’t… the tsunami years before the freeway collapse? You guys had a son already?”

They make eye contact over her head (jesus, they’re tall, is that a firefighter requirement?) and Eddie laughs first but Buck really cracks up.

“We may have done things a little out of order,” Eddie says, loud enough to be heard over Buck’s guffaws. His eyes are crinkled up. “Let’s get you to the ambulance, Ms. Pantry.”

She’s handed over to other paramedics, who go through a more thorough checklist than Eddie’s field triage. She’s paying attention to the questions, she is, but the ambulance doors are still open and she sees Eddie in the shade of the fire truck look around before pulling Buck close, a hand gentle on his cheek. He kisses him, and they’re pretty far away but she thinks the small smile on his face is probably visible from Saturn.

The doors close, and she’s carted off towards Cedars-Sinai where as soon as she’s cleared to leave she’ll find the gift shop and buy a notepad, a get well soon card, a coloring book- anything she can write on. She has a letter to send.

[tyfinn]

Strawberries

#2 @schittscreekdrabblechallenge @a-noble-dragon

And thank you @walnuts-and-berries for giving me free rein to use Greta and Michael when inspiration strikes. Thank you, friend!

****

“Thanks again for coming to get me, Greta.” 

“Hey I’m just happy I have someone to commiserate with me. Besides, I knew there was no way Patrick was going to be in any condition to drive home. And thank you for the extra bottle of aloe.”

“It has a natural anesthetic to help with pain. Do you know how bad it is?”

“I do not.”

David’s eyes widened as soon as he saw Patrick and Michael. They were sitting in the shade of a large Oak tree. He thought they looked like two very ripe strawberries. He winced as he and Greta approached; it was the worst case of sunburn he’d ever seen. 

“Michael! Oh my God!” Greta gasped.

“Yeah, Patrick and I got a little sun.” 

“A little? You think this is a little sun?” 

“David, please? Can you yell at me later? Did you bring the aloe?”

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓

“What were you thinking?” David asked on the drive home.

“We obviously weren't thinking, David! The other guys wanted to play shirts versus skins, and I blurted out skins!”

“Let me guess. These were young guys, and you had to prove you still got it?”

“Maybe?”

“Did you win?”

“We did.”

[sinfulequity]

Is it a swarm or a mob?

Hi! So I was meant to make a Fuuta-Muu post, right? And, well, it was meant to be on my main but like. I made this blog! I'm sure as heck gonna use it lol

Anyways, it's primarily about how they communicate, though I touch on other stuff. With that being said, thank you in advance and I hope you enjoy!

First to head the charge, yet always last in line- You guessed it, I'm starting with Fuuta! The guy that, even when trying to do a good deed, comes off as a dick, yet compared to a puppy by the author themself. Now Fuuta seems to be someone who likes communicating in a group, despite how abrasive he comes off in milgram. In that sense, Mikoto's considering Fuuta as attention seeking is spot on!

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you. You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly. Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here?……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross. Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone. I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right? Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

He's trying to make a social group he can fall back on, even if it's something as small as commiserating about their situation together. (The way he wants to communicate seems to moreso fall in line with how Mikoto does; granted, with more aggressiveness)

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Futa: People who get excited about the same things as you

He's stated before that people he likes talking to are ones that can get hyped about the same things as him. This can also be seen in his behaviour in milgram; a prime example is how he interacts with Haruka.

Futa: You said you don’t play any games, right? Do you not watch league or premier either? Haruka: E-eh, I, I don’t understand, what that is…… That… uh, “leeg”? Futa: Huh!? It’s international soccer. It’s normal for guys your age to know stuff like that. What a pain… I really have nothing to talk to you about, huh. Even though we’re around the same age. Also don’t speak to me so formally. It’s gross. Haruka: Ah, e-excu-, I don’t, I uh… got it…… Futa… kun……

He's implied to have repeatedly told Haruka to be less formal with him! He's also asked about hobbies that he's already interested in, seemingly to try and use it to get closer to Haruka. There are exceptions (i.e. Yuno showing off what she does for her younger brother) but that moreso dovetails into my next point of observation.

Fuuta doesn't like to be perceived as vulnerable. Which, I think everyone has noticed because dude's an anxious wreck. Like seriously! He tries to be the group representative cause he thought Es treated Yuno badly (and if we were to give him credit, extrapolated that Haruka might not have been treated well too because it's clear that Haruka's standards aren't the highest), but is shaking like a leaf and breathing weirdly.

Futa: Haa…… haa…… Ok…… Kotoko: What’s up, Futa.……your breathing seems a bit uneven? Futa: Huh!? I’m getting ready to fight. That guard is looking down on all of us……! Kotoko: ……hmm. Is that so…… I’m looking forward to it. To seeing what your “justice” really is.

This trial he tries to barter a better verdict before breaking down and begging cause he can't take it any more! Which, given Shidou's report of injuries, I really can't blame him?

Either way, this pairs really badly with another trait that he seems to have; not really being able to join a conversation properly unless shown a clear indication that his input is wanted. A good example of this is actually Mahiru's birthday interaction with him. He only goes into talking about her birthday when she implies it's something that he should be making an active interaction with instead of reactively asking what she means.

Mahiru: Fufu, it’s a special day today. I can’t help but feel something good’s going to happen. Futa: What’s with all the muttering to yourself. It’s creepy. Mahiru: Geez, you really don’t understand, Futa-kun. You’ll never have a proper romance with that attitude! Futa: Who cares. Obviously this is because today’s your birthday. It’s just the day you happened to be born, it doesn’t mean anything. Here, I’ll give you my tomato, so just shut up and eat it. That’s your birthday present, so be grateful.

Wrapping back to something I mentioned earlier, this might be a thing that Mikoto picked up on as attention seeking.

Fuuta actually has pretty rigid thinking in terms of socializing! I'd say that was interesting but also that tracks, given that he does most of his socializing online. But he also has very firm schemas as to how people should act/socialize from their perceived roles in society (i.e. stating that he doesn't really talk to girls because he doesn't want to be involved in "girl talk"-

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex? Futa: Someone who can have a conversation on the same level as me. The things girls talk about are usually all boring

-and being upset with Kazui and Shidou for not being proactive about trying to escape this situation

Futa: The ones I don’t particularly like are Shido and Kazui. The old geezer duo. Even though we’re in a state of emergency here, even though they’re the oldest out of us all, they’re acting like they don’t have a care in the world. I can’t believe they’re so unreliable. They’re good for absolutely fucking nothing!

). It's simultaneously really old fashioned and a product of our time. It's honestly a frustrating aspect of his character.

Though at the same time, it's a view that makes him susceptible to indoctrination. This vulnerability has only gotten wider since the end of the first trial, with the voters' voices, Kotoko's assault and the fact that he never really had a strong sense of self to begin with. It's almost a shame I didn't write this up earlier because I have to say; with the lesson that Fuuta seems to have learned from our first vote (I never should have stuck my nose in other people's business) and this, I feel like Fuuta is in a very dangerous position mentally. Not that voting him guilty/unforgiven would have been better but. Idk this seems like something that's bad to affirm.

Second up is the queen B herself, Muu! Is that a Bee or a Belle? Hmm, I wonder~ (in all seriousness, her change from trial one to trial two feels more like a dark version of Cinderella if we're truly making fairy tale references)

Now Muu is someone who likes feeling comfortable and as such, she tends to hang out with people who allow her the freedom of opinion. That, and people who actually pay her "proper" attention.

Q.01 What do friends mean to you? Mu: People who listen properly to what I say

Oddly enough though, while she functions just fine in group environments (easily taking charge of her prior friend group) she actually seems to prefer one on one conversations?? For the most part, she seeks out people to talk to when they're by themselves or in a small group. This can be seen within the portal timeline, key examples being this conversation implying she went to Haruka's door in order to converse with him as soon as possible,

Mu: Haruka-kun, are you awake……? Happy birthday. Haruka: M-Mu-san? I… I-I’m awake…… Th-thank you, very much. I’m… glad…… Mu: ………… Shall we talk? You know, recently I’ve been pretty interested in you. Haruka: ……!! I-in me…? Hehe, hehehe…… interested, in me.

this conversation implying that Muu actively sought Yuno out in order to get birthday wishes from her,

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me? Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~ Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself. Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother………so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

this conversation emphasising her desire for someone's complete attention when she has it,

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me. Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen. Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things. Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see.……the new me…….

and this.

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday. Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that, right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that. Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate. Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

There's something to be said about that trait shown within the portal timeline + the shrinking of her group shown in INMF. This feeds back into her wanting people to pay attention to her, though I think it's also a way to pay back that attention in kind, which feeds into my next point.

Muu is a very eye for an eye person. Granted, it seems to be perceived slights as opposed to objective ones. This can feed into one of her more negative traits, that being she can overly exaggerate the hurt in her own experiences (side note, this is likely why that one line was translated as "I am always the drama queen").

Not to say that the hurt she feels isn't, by any means, real, but it can leads to situations where she retaliates in a manner that's far more harsh than what happened to her. Literally a prime example of this is her murder! Like I'm sorry, but murder is not a reasonable response to bullying, much less being ignored. However, this can also go the other way around. Treat her nicely and she's going to treat you well.

This type of attitude is likely why she had such a dismissive reaction to one of her friends thanking her for the lipstick in the After Pain group chat. To use an adage, one good turn deserves another. She gave her friend the lipstick and her friend thanked her (even if indirectly, by complimenting the lipstick). Thus, in her view, it was paid back in kind.

Another, more recent, example of this is her interactions with Haruka. Giving him a makeover, lavishing him with her attention and bringing him food as the guilty verdict sets in for both of them, she has been giving him kind acts. One could argue that she feels that Haruka has been returning this by thanking her and contemplating how best to carry out his vow regarding her verdict (in other words, a continued promise to follow through on his actions when it comes to it- which we know is when and not if, since we know the verdicts).

However, if you want to take a kinder interpretation, she recognizes that Haruka isn't in the mental position to do that. This would be why, on her birthday, she's so insistent about what she's doing being a great thing to Fuuta of all people. Basically, that tightrope between wanting to seek validation but wanting a kind deed to be a kind deed.

However, like Fuuta, Muu also has a very shaky sense of self. Or rather, in her case, a shaky esteem. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she had RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria).

She's someone that looks to see other people's reactions before making a move herself, if subconsciously. And it's very clear that she half expected to be voted guilty and tried to overcompensate for that in INMF. That expectation with the hope/want of getting external validation sure did make a horrifying concoction...

Honestly, her verdict is going to be very touch and go for her. It could turn out well in the end, but there's such a high risk in terms of her mental health (+physical, depending on how the votes go) that it's... Worrying. And Haruka's vow, while providing a sense of comfort currently, is likely going to be detrimental in the long run. For both of them.

Overall, they're two (very) dumb kids that screwed up, and they both justify their actions to themselves in different ways. Fuuta falls back on a sense of justice and the fact that he wasn't the only one involved in his sins. Muu focuses on her pain and the idea that the only person that can truly judge a person is the one in the situation. However-

-they both clearly took things too far, and they know it. Regardless of how they behave, I get the feeling they do regret the results of their actions.

[ravens-words]

Commiseration Tuesday

With AO3 temporarily down, lots of us are sad at not being able to read when we wanted to! With that in mind, I’m taking the opportunity to invite you guys to share a little something from a WIP to keep us going through the downtime! Preferably something we haven’t shared before, but whatever works for you!

Such a wonderful idea, thanks for tagging me @bonheur-cafe @noxsoulmate, love you both 🤍

This is from the Tarlos Zombie AU, which is coming along slowly. I hope you like it!

There's a distant static wave of sound that pulls him back into consciousness. He's still not fully capable of controlling his limbs, or his eyes, so he stays still in hopes of figuring out what's happening. Seconds later, there a rough tap on his cheek, a loud voice calling his name.  "-arlos?" His heart pounds in his ears, and he clumsily lifts his hands up to them, pressing tiggtly as if that will muffle the sounds. "Hey-" there's that sound again, a little familiar, and a little too loud. "- Carlos?!"  There are hands on him, now. TK? No, he thinks immediately; the hands aren't rough, but they're not gentle, either. TK's hands are always gentle. TK. Five men. Guns. A knife in his gut. TK, screaming at them, screaming for him. TK being dragged away from Carlos' outstreched hands. He opens his eyes immediatel, and the first thing he sees when his vision clears is a clear blue sky, then- "There you go," Judd says, smiling broadly, "had me worried there for a second." TK. Carlos bolts upright, the man's name on his lips. He chokes on it though, as white hot, piercing pain steals his breath. He looks down, sees the white bandage Judd's pressing to his abdomen. "-easy. Easy, brother, you're hurt." Yeah, no shit. Judd snorts as he helps him lay back down, and Carlos realizes he said it out loud. Carlos looks up at the sky, tries to ignore the pain as Judd does as best as he can stitchig the stab wound in his side. He closes his eyes and TK's face, tight with pain and fear- brows furrowed, eyes wide, mouth open in a silent scream. He opens his eyes, stares at the sky. He keeps his eyes open, doesn't so much as blink this time. . Judd says he should rest. Carlos scoffs and struggles up to his feet. Judd's there, hands hovering at his side to support him if he needs it. "I'm going after him, Judd. With or without you." Judd stares at him. "You're hurt, man. Can barely stand on your own. How do you plan on gettin' him out of wherever they took him?" He shakes his head. "I'll figure it out. I just have to find him first." "Carlos-" "Judd, stop," he snaps. What if it was Grace? he wants to ask but bites his tongue to keep the words in. It's not- he shouldn't compare a ten year relationship to whatever he had with TK for- what? Two days? Maybe even less than that. He shouldn't. It doesn't to have feelings for someone he met less than two days ago. And yet- Carlos exhales, his chest heaves and he sways, dangerously close to collapsing. He would have fallen in a heap on the concrete if Judd didn't catch him, one hand at his elbow and the other on his waist, steadying him. And yet, he thinks, ever since he woke up, it's felt like a part of him is missing, like whoever has taken TK has taken a part of Carlos' heart with them. Judd stares at him, as if he's a puzzle he thinks he can solve and Carlos looks away, jaw clenched. "Okay," Judd says eventually, "let's go find your man." "He's not my-" he attempts to protest weakly, but Judd's not really listening anymore, collecting their supplies off the street and throwing them in the trunk. Judd helps him into the passanger seat, then moves around to the driver's seat. They share a look, full of understanding, and Carlos breathes out. "We're gonna find him." Carlos nods. . They're on the road for about half an hour when it occurs to him to ask Judd how he knows where to go. Judd's hands tighten around the steering wheel. It takes him a minute to answer. "Judd?" "We have a tracker on him." His heart sinks. "And on me. That's how you knew where to find me."

Tagging: @chaotictarlos @tkstrrand @alrightbuckaroo @lambourngb @honestlydarkprincess @sapphire11 @rangergurlgleek1211 @itshoneywhatever

[iamthecomet]

Sending you some Drywall (MountainDew) thoughts before bed, because they're on my mind right now.

So in the lore I currently have going, the reason Mountain and Dew become friends is because they were able to bond over their pain: Mountain's body is old and hurts often, and Dew's has never been kind to him, so they were kind of, not so much forced, made to be friends via proximity.

Sharing a wall in the dorms/a curtain in the infirmary means they've seen and heard the other at their worst.

Unfortunately, that it's harder for them to find common ground outside of these experiences, which means despite understanding one another at a base level, they don't really get each other.

They butt heads a lot, and can't seem to get along, and they're both acutely aware of how it might not be super healthy for their only connection to one another to be their suffering and music.

Cue a series of events that results in them having to team up for some kind of party/festival thing at the abbey, and they fucking crush it, because they surprisingly know a lot more about each other than they thought.

Like, Dew is out here remembering that Mountain's least favorite type of grass is pampas grass and remembers every detail of him explaining how it effects waterways and other vegetation, and Mountain knows which of the dozens of blankets Dew owns is his favorite and why it's not the one he uses all the time, just when he needs extra comfort and-

Turns out they know each other VERY well.

That is all.

Oh no Lamp. my HEART. I'm already so soft for Dew and Mountain. They feel so different to me, in all the ways you want to be different from your partner. They take care of each other. Fill in the gaps for each other. And then the thought that they think they don't get each other. That without their shared pain they're too different. That they only have this in common and it is the only reason they care about each other...but in reality. They understand each other completely. They each other's favorite things. Which things they don't like. Those are the kinds of things you figure out when you're sick and commiserating with someone else. When you don't have the energy or spoons to move. When you lay together and just talk--what else is there to do? And of course, they retain that information. Store it away. Neither of them realizing that they've done it--that they know all of the trivia about each other until they need it. Until Mountain is opening his mouth to make a tweak to the menu because Dew doesn't like tarragon. UGHH I'm just so soft for both of them, thank you for this.

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 19

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 1697

Warnings: Swearing

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Blindsided Hoax

****

Ghost

Why did hangovers from crying your heart out always seem more painful than alcohol-induced ones? Maybe because the former came from the heart rather than a bottle, and while one's metabolism could eventually process the alcohol, it took much longer for the body to move past emotional damage. 

Regardless, Ghost wanted to do nothing more than stay in bed and ignore the world. She peeked at the time on her phone and sighed dramatically. She had an hour to get ready before meeting Jackie at the coffee house. With a Herculean effort, Ghost rolled out of bed and shuffled to her bathroom, going through the motions of curling her hair and doing her makeup. She moved sluggishly due to her headache, causing her to fall behind, so when Ghost saw Jackie's name flashing on her phone's screen, she picked up and immediately answered, "Hey, I'm running late, but I'm almost done and shouldn't be more than-"

"I don't care," Jackie interrupted shortly, her voice oddly devoid of her usual enthusiasm. "Change of plans anyway. Can you open your door? I brought breakfast."

"What?" Frowning, Ghost hurried to her front door and swung it open. Sure enough, it revealed a morose Jackie standing with a massive bag of to-go containers. Hanging up her phone and looking her sister up and down, she asked, "You look like shit. What the hell happened to you?"

Stepping inside and without missing a beat, Jackie replied, "My husband told me he wants a divorce. What's your excuse?"

Had her sister not dropped the bombshell, Ghost would've been offended at the comeback, even if it was true. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, what?"

Jackie pulled container after container out of the to-go bag. "Ryan called me at eleven p.m. last night to tell me he wanted a divorce. I didn't know what to do, so I cried all night until the tears ran dry, went and bought breakfast, and decided to come here instead of eating out."

"Look, I'm all for eating my feelings right now, but why didn't you call me when it happened?" Ghost placed her hands on Jackie's shoulders. "You know I'm always here for you no matter what."

"I didn't want to interrupt your girls' night with Juliette. You seemed like you needed it."

"She would've understood, and I'd much rather help you through your problems than deal with my own. We could've commiserated together."

Jackie raised an eyebrow at her sister. "Wait, were you crying last night, too?"

"Yeah. Between Ghoul's birthday, some stuff from the performance earlier, and being around Hangman again and realizing I'm stupidly still head over heels for him, my emotions had enough of me bottling it all in. Hence-" Ghost motioned at herself- "why I look like shit. But seriously, that's nothing compared to what you're going through. Did he give you a reason?"

Jackie slumped into a chair and began opening the containers. Ghost did the same, listening to her sister lament. "Said that we had 'irreconcilable differences' and that I didn't 'communicate.' What he means is that I don't tell him where I'm at every second of the fucking day and that he doesn't want children, and I do! I told him this when we first started dating, and he said he was open to the idea of it, but now, all of a sudden, Ryan's totally against it and says he doesn't want a family. I don't know if he always was and thought he could change my mind or if he thought I would choose him over my dream of having kids if he gave me the ultimatum. I just don't know..."

The elder Blackwood shoveled a heap of hashbrowns into her mouth while Ghost smiled sympathetically at her sister. "Have you told Mom and Dad?"

Jackie scoffed. "No. They never really liked him from the beginning, and I hate that they ended up being right. They'd never say it outright, but they wouldn't have to. I'd still hear the silent 'I told you so.' Why was I so stupid? I should've listened to them!"

Ghost watched her sister drop her fork and crumple into herself. She rushed over, enveloping Jackie in a comforting embrace and saying, "You loved him, and that's nothing to be ashamed of. We can't help who we love sometimes."

"Eight years. Eight years down the gutter. I'm almost in my mid-thirties. I wanted kids by now! Who's going to want to marry me after this? Who's going to want kids with an old maid?!"

"First off, with the amount of guys watching you last night, including some of the Daggers, you will have no problem snagging a new guy. Second, you are far from an old maid. Don't let the media get to you with their unreasonable beauty and life standards. Third, it's Ryan's loss. He's the idiot, and anyone with a brain would tell you the same." 

"Yeah, but I wanted him. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him," Jackie said sadly, wiping away her tears. "I guess I need to start thinking about what I'm taking. I don't care about most of our furniture. He can take everything, for all I care, but I want the cats. If that's all I get out of this divorce, then I consider that a win."

"The cats love you more anyway," Ghost joked gently. It did earn a slight chuckle from her sister. "Whatever happens, you have me to help get you through it."

"Thanks, Annalise." Jackie braced her head in her hand. "I love that you joined the military and are a kickass fighter pilot protecting our country and all, but I miss having you around and being able to visit you whenever I want."

"It's definitely a downside to being a pilot. For the record, I miss you too." Ghost reached for the avocado and salmon toast. "If you want moral support while you call Mom and Dad, I'm here."

"No, I, uh, I should do that by myself. Thanks, though." Jackie reached for the salt and sprinkled some on her eggs. "Now, tell me what Hangman did that made you, of all people, emotional. And don't say it's nothing. Please, let me hear your problems so I don't have to think of mine right now because it'll be all I think about once I leave."

Ghost reluctantly obliged, shrugging. "It's not even anything he did. Not really. We had a brief moment yesterday when we reverted to our old ways, where there wasn't any tension, but then the Daggers arrived, and it disappeared. It hurts to be around him, and it hurts to be away from him. Part of me wants to tell him I'm sorry for cutting him out the way I did and apologize until he takes me back, but then I remember how I felt in that hospital room and remind myself that I never want to feel that way again. If I let him back into my life, I risk that. I'd rather feel nothing than feel that again..." Having finished her toast, Ghost moved on to the decadent strawberry banana French toast, munching slowly on it while she mulled over what she wanted to say next. Jackie patiently waited. "I didn't want to say anything to anyone about it because they'd just tell me to talk to him about it, but how would I even bring it up after all this time?"

"The time will come, as cliché as that sounds. You two aren't done with each other. Of that, I am certain," Jackie declared, finishing off her eggs and hashbrowns. "Besides, he couldn't take his eyes off you last night. Should've seen the look in his eyes when that guy wouldn't leave you alone at the bar."

"What was the look?"

"Murder." The simple remark made Ghost laugh in disbelief. With that said, the two sisters continued talking, avoiding the sensitive subjects for each of them until two hours had passed. Jackie groaned when she glanced at her watch. "Ugh, I have to face reality again."

Ghost scooted closer to her sister. "You want to stay another day?"

"Yes, but I have to face this. If you can face terrorists, I can face this. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I have to be."

"Door's open any time." The girls stood and hugged each other tightly, neither quite ready to let each other go. 

After a few sniffles, Jackie forced herself away. She took a deep breath and said, "We've got this. We're Blackwoods."

"Damn straight. Call me when you land?"

"You got it." Giving Ghost a two-finger salute, Jackie strode out of the apartment with her head held high. Ghost watched her leave until the car drove out of sight. Then she shut the door and shuffled back to the table, assessing the damage done to the food. They'd killed four entrées with no leftovers. An impressive feat considering Ghost could barely eat a full meal in one sitting most times. 

Sleepiness suddenly overcame Ghost, and with the food coma rapidly hitting, she swiftly cleaned up the mess and then collapsed onto her bed. Ghost had just shut her eyes when her phone rang. Seeing Juliette's name on the screen, she answered with as much cheerfulness as she could muster, "Hey!"

"Go back to bed," Juliette immediately said, laughter in tone. 

Ghost groaned. "How'd you know?"

"Because I know you. I was going to see if you wanted to come help Rooster with the nursery, but it sounds like you need more sleep."

"Give me an hour, and I'll be there."

"Ghost, your hour naps are like mine: they end up being three instead. Enjoy sleeping. One of us should, at least. Call me when you wake up if you still want to come over."

"I do. It's been a morning, and I promise I'll tell you when I get there later. Thank you for understanding."

"Of course. I'll see you later."

Bidding her friend goodbye, Ghost set her alarm and once more closed her eyes. This time, nothing interrupted it, and she slipped into a deep sleep.

****

Tags: @lgg5989 @shanimallina87 @polikszena @summ3rlotus @icemansgirl1999 @supernaturaldawning @thedarkinmansfield @lyannaforpresident @lapilark @getmyprettynameoutofyourmouth @simpofthecentury @shadeops21 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @double-j @bradshawsandbridgetons @catsandgeekyandnerd @peachiicherries @multifandomcnova @fandomsstolemylife00 @bookloverhorses @mak-32 @midnightmagpiemama @luckyladycreator2 @ellamae021 @kmc1989

Chapters: Chp 1 Chp 2 Chp 3 Chp 4 Chp 5 Chp 6 Chp 7 Chp 8 Chp 9 Chp 10 Chp 11 Chp 12 Chp 13 Chp 14 Chp 15 Chp 16 Chp 17 Chp 18 Chp 19

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[pb-dot]

Writer Q&A Tag

Full disclosure, this is my second attempt at writing this tag. After I was mentioned by @mthollowell-writes I started filling in the questions with the enthusiasm I usually show for these kinds of things. Then, I actually double-checked the post and discovered I was not tagged, but rather mentioned as an inspiration. This flustered me to the point where I plain forgot to read the next line encouraging those tagged in this way to participate as well, and so, not wanting to be gauche, I deleted the post-to-be. Now I know better, and found the whole thing humorous enough to share, so good on me, I say. Q&A below the cut

1)What motivates you to write?

Writing just makes me happy. I might hem and haw about the obscure pain of trying to nail my thoughts to the page, as well as the sheer nightmare that is editing the result, but the truth of the matter is that writing lets me be a happier person. Part of it is no doubt that it allows me to unload one of the several stories I've got rolling around in my head at any given time, and part of it is that I just enjoy the process of it, forming formless thoughts into linear sentences and linear sentences into more or less coherent paragraphs,and so on.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

The description of Jake's first impressions of 13 sticks with me. I can't quite decide if I think it's good or if I just think it's good-shaped, but it'll do for this example.

There was something with the pensive look in the eyes of the strange young man that just drew out the similes. His eyes weren’t blue, they were like a perfect sky; His hair wasn’t blond and tightly cropped, it was like freshly harvested wheat; His cloak was not over-sized and ill-fitting, it was like an immaterial fog swathing his delicate form. Perhaps the young man could not be comprehended otherwise, at least Jake couldn’t.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

I am very fond of the main couple of my book, Jake and 13. There's just something about the slow but inexorable and unashamed way these two grow to rely on each other that really works for me. They both have good cause to be cynical about the world and everything in it, but despite this, there's something about how they are together that allows them to be vulnerable and gentle with each other, and that's the kind of thing that makes me smile.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

I love the drafting process. Getting words on the page in the form they're supposed to have just fills me with energy, and every time I add a detail that flourishes into a whole subplot or important worldbuilding detail I feel an incredible level of mastery that just fills me with energy. That's not an everyday occurrence, to be clear, but a couple of times per draft I'll get into the "wait, what does that bit I added on a whim imply exactly"-headspace, and often that leads to the discovery of something neat!

5) What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

Oh, now this is hard for me. Not because I don't know what to say, but because anything that might constitute bragging is just difficult for my brain to handle. That said, I think I'm really strong on structure and plot, thinking about characters and their struggles and development in terms of part of an overarching story just comes naturally to me and I enjoy working on that scale.

6) What is something in the writeblr community is most enjoyable?

I honestly just love the very specific kind of commiseration writers show to each other, and Writeblr captures it perfectly. There's just something refreshing about posting something like "got distracted from writing by worldbuilding, got distracted from worldbuilding by research about Parisian sewers through history" or whatever and have people popping up like "Oh if I had a dollar every time that happened."

7) A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I'm a Scrivener boy, and I must say a couple of features of that program help my writing a sizable amount. I enjoy how it's offline and not integrated or associated with any level of AI fuckery on any detectable level. The way it organizes your manuscript on a chapter-chapter level and the chapters on a scene-scene level has also been very useful for getting nitpicky with the structure, in addition to finally getting me to organize my writing into chapters which I had dragged my feet on for months at that point.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

I just got done writing up a lengthy summary of The Coal Wars that set the stage for my setting, so while I hatelove it on the level I hatelove most of my ideas, it'll be my pick for this. In short, the city the story takes place in isn't commonly referred to by name because the name it used to have, Imil, is so closely related to the name of the empire it used to be the capital of, Imelia. Imelia was an expansionist maritime empire that maintained colonies and suzerainties all over the world until its chief colony Pelia declared independence after a series of unpopular taxes were levied against them along with the kind of draconic control that an empire might employ against its subjects. This declaration led to a spreading wildfire of requests and demands for emancipation from Imelia's other colonies.

Long story short, Imelia declared war on all of them in an act of imperial hubris. Because control of coal production was such a big deal for the Imelian empire's steampunk technology, these wars were known as The Coal Wars. These wars ended up bankrupting Imelia, and with the hereditary line of emperors cut off with the last empress' death, the whole nation was at a perilous tipping point.

What ultimately decided the fate of the empire was a bunch of the government's debtors and creditors banding together and deciding to repossess the imperial palace, which led to a scuffle between the debtors' private security and the remaining government and their loyalists that saw the last government of Imelia fall in a rather ignoble way. Not wanting to get into the mess of inheriting Imelia's many problems by claiming the throne, the debtors declared the nation of Imelia defunct and went back to their business consolidating industrial and real estate holdings while their security and private military forces maintained a sort of peace in the city.

9) What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

If you are like me and writing in and of itself brings you joy, try to find little moments of calm or clarity to write a bit. Doesn't have to be much. Just fiddling with some sentences or correcting obvious mistakes in your text can be enough to keep your writing fresh in your mind until better days come along.

If you're less energized by the act of writing itself and it's an actual drain on you, I recommend you to not worry about it. Take a break. Rest. Maybe read or watch some fiction, go see some friends, and live whatever slice of life you can in your current state. It might not seem like it, but this is a vital part of writing as well, since you need a steady stream of impressions and thoughts and feelings to fuel your writing, in addition to needing them to live a fulfilling life of course.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters

I should be way better at reading other writeblrs stuff honestly. There's some good stuff in here. That said, I do enjoy reading up on @stesierra multitude of projects and @dyrewrites' dark, wicked, and delightful Pale Blood. I also have a longer list of people I just like seeing pop up. In no particular order: @anxious-andconfused @starbuds-and-rosedust @words-after-midnight @holdmyteaplease @teacupsandstarlight @ettawritesnstudies @simonambroise @writingamongther0ses @leisoree @wrenofthewords @isabellebissonrouthier @rickie-the-storyteller @robin-writes-a-lot @scifimagpie and of course @mthollowell-writes

Everybody mentioned above can consider themselves tagged in this. I also wouldn't mind getting to know the following people a mite better: @maskedemerald @deadhunter-series @your-absent-father and @unspokenvastlywritten

[polishmenace]

hi. afterthought - I'm sorry this is so long

that caution on your ed post? Take the same disclaimer here. Please only read this if you are able to handle it safely.

I can't promise I won't overshare, I'm tired as fuck and I have never talked to people about this. Idk if this will help

Obviously I don't know how you got your ed. I doubt we have all the same reasons, but this isn't for that. but as someone living with a mother who's bipolar and schizophrenia from both sides, that isnt easy to live with. Seeing your family purge isn't something to forget easily. Seeing how psychological conditions wear people down isn't easy, so to end up with one too? The feeling is indescribable.

So, from a guy one skipped meal & a fall down his concrete stairs away from his death, I wanted to share your pain. there wasn't a word in your post that I didn't feel without every fiber of my being. And it fucking hurts. I'm so so sorry you feel this too.

Recovery is never going to look a certain way, and relapsing into the mindset does not mean you're not getting better. It isn't so linear, Michaeł, please don't compare your journey to anyone else's. Don't compare it to how you think it should go, because the only wrong answer here is giving up.

You can feel sick of it all, and pissed, and maybe at times like you don't care anymore, and everything that suffering makes you feel - but please don't give up on yourself.

I wish I could give you more. I wish I could tell advise how to convince yourself to eat, but I haven't managed in days. I don't think I know how either. Hell I smoke to get hungry and even that has stopped working.

Please keep reaching out. Talk to people, just anyone, if you haven't yet, you'll find someone who listens. Hell, I'd listen in a heartbeat. You deserve to be heard, Michaeł. You deserve to be seen, your progress and your regress. You are so much more than your pain, even when it gets into that all consuming feeling. I hope you've known that for a long time.

I believe so much in you Michaeł. I love you so incredibly even though you're an odd little polish man in my phone. And you deserve that from what I've seen.

I'm sorry if this is ranty, I wanted to send it when I saw the post yesterday but my phone was dead without charger :( I don't want to fuck up your morning. I truly hope you have a good one, Michaeł, and I believe in you. Not that you'll never relapse, but that you'll keep healing. I believe in your progress Michaeł, no matter how it looks. I hope you can do the same.

You don't need to reply to this ask. It might be a mess so maybe it's better if you don't

You're not alone Michaeł.

Awww I’m cryinggggg (relief tears) You are so sweet. I am so conflicted still but you don’t know how much reassurance helps. Thank you so much <3

and also, I am completely willing co commiserate with you if you’d like to talk