#just want everyone to enjoy themselves
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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Ngl find it very funny that everyone else is doing the come here gesture so playfully but then you have Takemichi, ready to straight up throw hands with whoever
#everyone else is acting like it's a game or enjoying themselves but Takemichi just wants to get this over with#tokyo revengers#tokrev#tokyo rev
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atla live action generally sucks for all the reasons everyone is saying it sucks and i am in no way a live action remake promoter but one thing i will say. they Get the fire siblings. they understand.
#it's weird bc sometimes they add things and im like Why Did We Need This but then sometimes they give us like#ozai holding zuko's success over azula's head. that was such a good added scene bc yes!!! she's a victim too!!!!#she is the way she is because she was CONSTANTLY pitted against him by their insane piece of shit dad!!!! She was TAUGHT these things.#& also that one scene everyone is talking about with zuko yelling “hE RaN!” like YES that's my 16 year old asshole. perfect portrayal.#sigh. and then they had to go and absolutely massacre katara so i can't even enjoy it. WHY.#^ i just finished episode 5 btw so if they shoot themselves in the foot even more no one tell me i want to experience it myself
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I hate Jimmy but I like him in the fact that we’re supposed to genuinely hate every fiber of his being. I think the story tricks us into thinking he’s a good person, or at the very least a morally grey character, and it’s like the story itself shows annoyance toward it while also giving us a sense of sympathy for falling to the same manipulation that Jimmy puts others through. But that is only if we actually realize the truth.
it shows annoyance towards us as the player/viewer but saves its special hatred for Jimmy. Not us, Jimmy. It’s annoyed that we show some kind of good will towards Jimmy before the silent reveal in the text that he assaulted Anya. It’s like the game acts like how an actual person would realistically react to this stuff: the player/viewer glosses or barely acknowledges the aspect of rape (as many have while playing the game) and the game shows fury towards you. But if you piece everything together about the assault, then it’s like the rose-tinted glasses fully come off and you see the horrible situation for what it actually was, for who Jimmy truly is
the game is like a test for its player/audience.
do we gloss over the horrific actions of Jimmy, the smaller details in the conversations between Anya and Curly, and the context clues of what Jimmy did to Anya; and thus allow the game to show its righteous fury towards our incompetence
or
Do we realize the truth of everything, of the actions of our protagonist; actions that we were led to ignoring by the main character himself before learning about what he’s done to everyone on the Tulpar; and thus allow the game to still show sympathy towards us while also rightfully being frustrated and maybe even hating us still
in other words: Do you eventually see the tiny, dead pixel in the vastness of it all; or are you so used to seeing the bigger picture that it never crosses your mind until it’s too late
#blimbo rambles#the listerine game#sorry this is super fucking incoherent#I just have many thoughts on this game#this is what good media does to a guy this is why you need bad media to balance it out#I like the main character but not in a ‘I agree with everything he’s done and think it’s okay’ way#as much as people may want to state that about me#I ‘like’ him because he’s awful. He’s pure human goddamn filth and a realistic depiction of abusers/manipulators#I guess Like is a strong word for him#I. Enjoy his character. His writing and what he represents: pure goddamn cowardly filth#Who hurts everyone and pretends to want to better themselves from it#while never apologizing to the person/people they’ve hurt the most#We’re meant to hate him after learning the truth and hell: even during the game when he lashes out at Anya#his character hits different when you’re a victim of any kind of abuse/manipulation yourself#We can still see him as a monster while acknowledging that his friend/captain enabled his#bad behavior and did nothing about how he acted around the only woman on the entire ship#sa mention#sa tw#rape mention#rape tw
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please. i need alastor with his hair up so we can see the side of his head. second set of ears or smooth flesh prairie?
#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor ears#alastor's flesh fields#bc husk has the ears on top as well#but his head is shaped like a cat and he has all the fur so it works#but alastor is mostly human shaped when he wants to be and his face head is distinctly skinful#so.#like imagine he's uncomfortable or embarrassed by it because it's *yet another* physical difference that#invites the taunts and abuse and humiliation he faced in life (and is thus very sensitive about in afterlife)#he already faces being a PREY animal of all things#so. imagine. he always ALWAYS makes sure his hair covers the side of his head. in his twisted victim mind the lack of ears makes him#Wrong and Disgusting and Untouchable and A Monster (and not in the satisfying fearful way he enjoys)#so he pushes it away. doesnt let anyone learn about his ugly disgusting mutation because surely SURELY if they saw it...#he could lose everything he's worked so hard for. because who would fear him? who would respect him? who would bother looking in his#direction? he would just be another lowlife Freak undeserving of love and attention and— well#thats what he would tell himself. but then one day niffty's doing his hair like he sometimes lets her#and he's just enjoying letting her have her fun. kinda spaced out; mostly just enjoyjng the rare sensation of a touch he doesn't despise#it doesnt even register when she pulls his hair up (maybe into lil space buns or smthn idk) that it leaves his empty face on display for all#i can imagine angel being the most outwardly shocked. some loud exclamation that turns everyones attention to alastor and his earless face#just. everyone staring at him. and he realises. and he hates himself for slipping like that and oh no theyre going to hate him and tell—#— everyone and he will lose all that hes been working towards with the hotel and he is just. So. mortified. think shameful reactions:#averted gaze; flushed cheeks; figeting under their stares; or perhaps the classic deer-in-headlights look as he freezes in shock#just as he feels everything crashing down around him. the others get ahold of themselves and share their reactions too#shock; confusion; endearment (charlie would 100% do a big AWW/want to touch it); reassurances galore when they see him retreat into his mind#they tell him it's normal (he's in hell; no longer a human but a demon; everyone looks odd by some standard)#they tell him it makes sense (he's a deer after all). they tell him his appearance is nothing to be ashamed of and that everyone is still#super intimidated and frightened by him ♡; that it doesnt change anything; that theyre sorry for whatever led him to believe otherwise
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i'm for sure not finishing veilguard. i set it down a while and tried again and ahh i'm just not enjoying it. the characters dont have a depth im looking for.. the insertion of a writer's white guilt onto the elves that are based on real life indigenous people and have been in-games enslaved and treated horrifically and are the ones who don't have "real" gods that are actually just blighted tyrants. everything with taash and the qunari. the gameplay was fun for a while but then it made my hand so numb i couldnt do anything for a week. the last straw was taash's gender talk that suddenly turned into picking a cultural identity for them to align with out of nowhere and then soon after learning that Another antagonist is of course an elf. starting to feel like their implying that all elves become evil when given power jfc. i think i'm actually done with it it started making me feel gross and bored. i don't care if you enjoy it or not, everyone's got a different threshold it just crossed mine.
#i wish i'd told my brother to not get it for me but he was so excited to get me a gift. i would have rather pirated it#i wanted to be hopeful they'd have made more strides since dai since it had seemed to be getting better ish.#but the bioware team clearly don't think mulicultural people are 'true to themselves' or that arab people are well. People.#or that anyone could enjoy and align with the religion that is heavily modeled after islam. ofc it's just stifling and constraining right.#everyone who follows it is evil and awful and the fucking. blighted qunari turning into literal giant monsters when nobody else is affected#like that. what the Fuck.#how did it get More racist than dragon age 2.#anyway. long chatter short i think my final personal onion is that i do not like the game and i kind of wish it didnt exist. thumbs up#there's cool concepts in there but.. the racism got Worse. the established lore was tossed out the window. the music is forgettable.#the pacing is off. the therapy talk gets annoying after a while. my favorite things are: davrin and assan. davrin is so funny also his bo#also neve. i love neve i wish her story was more..... More. i like that she got upset at her city being destroyed even though she didnt#want to blame my character she couldnt help herself from blaming him. mixed feelings on how gender is incorporated. could be better but it'#good for a triple a game. wish they used the established in-universe terms for being trans but eh.#i wish the world wasn't so sanititized down. it feels like a desire for everything to be 'good' and perfect but it makes it feel hollow#and like a kind of immature unwillingness to tackle hard subjects but well. that's a running theme of the lead writer of this game lmao
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2024 reads / storygraph
The Sunforge
sequel to The Dawnhounds
fantasy/scifi with bio- cyber- & god-punk elements
follows a crew of revolutionary pirates who become stranded in a city in ruins, overrun by a hostile militia, who must find a way to the people who can help them disable the technology that’s stopping them from escaping
and find themselves pulled deeper into the conflicts and history between the strange gods who give them their powers, and the complex history of their world
mainly centres Kiada, told between flashbacks of her past in the city, and the present
arc from the author! out August 6
#the sunforge#the dawnhounds#sascha stronach#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#Woah. My thoughts on The Dawnhounds (having read both versions) were: so many cool and interesting elements a bit confusing tho#The Sunforge is like. even more cool things. even more confusing. but I am not against that!#It's definitely a bit “you thought this was [x kind of book]? actually it’s [y kind of book]!#It is a little all over the place in the beginning; flipping back and forth and between various characters#but at half way it comes together and is more fast-paced and direct. and also pretty wild.#do feel like I wanted a few more just like; moments with the characters themselves?#(it's a lot of plot/backstory/lore/new characters - probably just a middle book kind of thing)#Many reveals about the world and gods that make me feel like I need to reread them both and also have book 3 now.#things I enjoyed: starting with some casual HRT smuggling and casual trans characters.#dangerous adventures but gotta keep our cat safe! the mechanical spider situation....#a handful of pages that I am so curious about what they’ll be like in the audiobook#I don't think it'll be for everyone but I liked it a lot overall!
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touch-starved bernard dowd is sooo canon to me
#hs!bear who had a reputation for sleeping around not bc he particularly enjoyed sex#but bc at least during sex sm1 would touch him#and he'd give anything to be touched like someone wanted him and not bc they were obligated to#college!bear who was initially interested in the pain cult at first but became hooked after they patched him up gently#hs!bear who would drape himself all over his friends and hope this time they wouldn't push him off#bernard dowd who goes his whole life being told by his family that he's too touchy and it makes people uncomfortable#bernard dowd at a young age creating rules for himself after being told time and time again that he makes people uncomfortable#and being unable to follow them bc he loves these people and he knows no other way to show it#bear watching his family shy away bc they don't enjoy and he knows that but why does it feel like they just don't want his touch?#bear breaking all of his rules and hating himself for it. loathing himself bc don't you see bear? you're too needy too touchy. you make#people uncomfortable. and the thing about children who grow up loathing themselves is that they rationalize any affection they recieve#someone from his family hugs him and he thinks to himself: they're only touching me bc they have to. they're uncomfortable doing this.#they're only doing this bc everyone knows how much you like hugs. look dowd you've made someone uncomfortable again.#so he categorizes every touch as Fake or Real but bc he grew up like this every touch is Fake. bc no one really wants to touch him. they're#only doing it bc they have to. bc they're obligated to.#bear who walks around feeling like a stranger in his own skin bc no one will touch him and if they do touch him he can't recognize weather#it's Real or Fake and so the cycle continues.#bernard dowd#dc
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I think I'm going to ask the others to remove the part of their bios that says they're an alter in a system to avoid this kind of thing from happening again because people aren't able to treat us like human beings
#just. people are so unkind and so cruel towards system members I don't understand it#some people assume systems are faking if they show even the slightest hint of enjoying their lives#maybe if this is how I exist I should be able to enjoy it? the others should be able to enjoy themselves??#we shouldn't be forced to act miserably in order to be treated like people#I'm horrified that sunny was dehumanised and mocked like that and I won't let it happen again. anons are off on everyones blogs now too#rant#ableism#I'm exhausted I just want to rest and have enough energy to be kind again
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Don’t cry, Thorin. Frosting melts when you don’t let the cake cool before putting it on
#the hobbit#thorin oakenshield#bilbo baggins#bagginshield#thilbo#my headcannon is that thorin has golden child syndrome#he gets very frustrated#when things dont go as planned#esp during the exile#imagine being a kid and youre suddenly king and everyone has eyes on you#everything you do has to be no less than perfect because you have all these people counting on you#i cant imagine the pressure and how hard he mustve been to himself#do you think that was why he was such an ass during the start of the hobbit?#he doesnt want to get attached to the burglar who would likely die in the end#why make yourself vulnerable to such hurt#weeh this was supposed to be about cake#and how i wanted to learn a more serious art style to express better angst#but keeps on going back to silliness#head cannon is also that they both taught each other to be less concerned about what people think and just enjoy themselves#my art#thorin slso has that durin puppy eyes he just dont use it as much#cake fail#angst fail
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So what do your leaders do all day? In the cannon clans it seems like they just sit around at camp all day and let the deputies do all of the work. Until the plot needs them anyway.
Leaders are given 9 lives for a very important purpose; they are supposed to live as their Clanmates do, understand them, and guide them as shining examples of what a warrior should be.
A leader who's inaccessible is considered a failure. Clans can't do anything about this until ASC and it's rare to begin with, but their clan WILL get upset about it.
Patrolling, sparring, hunting, and even cooking are all things a leader should be doing. Is it still very high-pressure? Yes. Ultimate authority rests on them.
So what's a deputy for?
Busywork. Day-to-day decisions that would prevent a leader from actually engaging with clan life. Setting up patrols, gathering news, settling small disputes, etc.
You could consider them a very authoritative secretary. If a Clan is being TOTALLY run by its deputy, that's a problem. If a Clan is BARELY being run by its deputy, that is also a problem.
So, expect to see cats like Firestar just around more often. It's not shocking to see him return from patrol or a little walk, carrying a mouse or two.
#Clan culture#Of course some leaders isolate themselves more often...#Onestar probably does because of the unwanted pressure and paranoia#His clanmates conspired against him and tried to kill him... he couldn't just lead normally after that#I feel that Onestar was actually on the path to ENJOYING leadership at first. At first.#Though surprising and unwanted I think he would have been a fair leader.#Because in spite of being a coward; Onewhisker is also a people pleaser. I see him as wanting to make WindClan a good place for everyone#That's what I got out of his early actions in Winds of Change anyway#And TNP#And with this culture change I think it suited him nicely. In spite of unwanted changes like not going to aftergatherings and pressure#But how can you just return to normal after an attempt was made ON YOUR LIFE?#To know your friends and loved ones hated you so much they were going to kill you?#'What did I do wrong?'#How can you not become paranoid after that? Expected to act like it's fine#You can't go back to normal after that#Bonefall Rewrite#another hour of Bones rambling in the tags
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.
#my 'people pleasing perpetually a little kid trying to figure out a way to cheer up a troubled parent' self keeps trying to think of ways#to make the dash happy again and make people feel better and... well.#just want everyone to have a safe space and enjoy themselves and... yeah.
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this might be a hot take... but if you care about disavowing media made by bad people out of fear of looking like a bad person yourself more than you care about actually doing good things... you might have your priorities (and your morals) screwed up a bit :/
(see my tags for more of my thoughts on this topic! please try to avoid making make bad-faith assumptions about what i mean!)
#melonposting#there is a good case for not wanting to associate with something on account of the creator being harmful. sure whatever#but people have talked at length about the sort of moral ocd that it promotes when that idea is fervently preached and enforced#i don't know about you but i think there's a big difference between#a) not wanting people to associate with something because the media itself spouts harmful rhetoric#and because its bigoted creator both benefits from people engaging with the books and is idolized by many of the books' fans#and b) not wanting people to vocally enjoy ANYTHING made by ANYONE who's held any harmful ideology at any point#because doing so 'inherently' supports and spreads those harmful ideologies#it's true that you cannot separate the art from the artist#but good people can make bad art and bad people can make good art. artistic talent is not inherently correlated with the artist's morals#the goodness/badness of a person CAN seep into the art they make. and it often does. and that can affect one's enjoyment of it#but even then there's nuance to be had on how to deal with it#like my hero academia for example. when i started watching it in middle school i didn't know how misogynistic it would be#of course i ended up seeing it in the show (and god it's so misogynistic)#and i ended up learning that the 'joke' sexual-harasser character is a self-insert for the creator#which of course i could never get behind. the creator is undeniably a horrible guy#at the same time though the show means a lot to me and i've gained a lot from watching it#i won't elaborate here on how but believe me it isn't superficial. if you want to ask me about it i'd be happy to share#i can hold both in my mind. the disgust and the enjoyment. i don't think those have to be mutually exclusive#of course not everyone is like that; you could immediately stop liking the show on discovering the gross stuff. and that's your prerogative#i don't know... i agree with the values behind avoiding media made by people known to have moral failings#and in some cases (like harry potter and jkr) i fully endorse the values and the practice. but such cases are very specific#but in most cases i fear the practice is misguided and unnuanced and ultimately unhelpful in fulfilling one's values#it is largely a philosophical matter: about how an individual regards their moral standing in the context of themselves and other people#which is important to discuss - especially in our globalized internet age! speaking of which feel free to disagree with me#if you want to have a civil discussion i'm more than open to it#but no matter how important this matter... there are way more important ones in the world. especially right now#calling out people who watch a youtuber who said something bigoted 5 years ago does little to stop that bigotry overall#just have good morals and practice them! support oppressed people! be thoughtful and understanding and compassionate!#callouts and dni lists rarely make for impactful advocacy!!!
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Sub par dickings got you thinking about if you can sneakily do your taxes while they go at it?
Literally could have, crack out my laptop and get to it and they probably wouldn't have noticed
#like how do you not pick up on that im clearly not part of the situation anymore#ive checked the heck out#i eventually did ask if we could stop since i was sick of it tbh#and they tried to beg me to keep going like ewww#ive taken back consent and very clearly had enough#dont be that person#it isnt any fun if everyone involved isnt clearly enjoying themselves and enthusiastically wanting to do it#then also implying me just wanting to sit for a bit still naked under the blanket to be comfy was essentially asking for it is wild#im so fucking glad im in a place in my life that im better at sticking to my boundaries and choices#because what the actual fuck#but yeah guess yous now have the full rant on that whole situation 😬🥴
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"This show is SO good, you should watch it!!"
I gotta be honest. If I look at a character list on Wikipedia and get five characters down without seeing a single woman, it's probably not for me.
#I have no patience for 'there is exactly one woman in the main/supporting cast' anymore#unless the writing is INCREDIBLE and the themes are explored with a type of depth and nuance I can't get anywhere else (like shiki)#(daily media plug for shiki)#then I just. probably will not vibe with it. if there are no women. (also shiki DOES have interesting female characters in it)#and this isn't to say that like. things involving men or talking about men or that have a male protagonist are Not Worth#My Time that is NOT what I'm saying at all. I just want like. several women. who show up and affect the story. like LITERALLY that is all I#am asking for. I feel like that's just. the bare minimum. but alas.#mel screams about fictional ladies again#there are plenty of things that are male-character-focused that I enjoy and even genuinely think are good! but I do want people to#ask themselves why they aren't willing to go to bat for media that DOES have more women in the cast than men.#(I mean. the answer is misogyny. but I want people to be. aware of that. and evaluate accordingly)#(evaluate meaning 'acknowledge I have some biases I need to continue deconstructing' not 'drop interest in everything tumblr#user musical-chick-13 personally doesn't like')#I feel like so many times we get trapped in this space between overcorrection via 'don't like ANYTHING that's pRoBLeMaTiC in ANY way'#and people taking the 'it's fiction it's not that deep' to the conclusion of 'because I cannot actually hurt fictional characters because#they're not real that means I am incapable of hurting irl people when they talk about those characters'#like there is. nuance here. there is a middle ground. and most people have NO interest in finding it lmao#and like...if you carry your biases from irl (which EVERYONE HAS. INCLUDING ME. COURTESY OF LIVING IN A PREJUDICED SOCIETY.) into a#direct and one-to-one evaluation of stories or characters that allow you to exercise those biased ideas. then that reinforces those biases#like. no hating...for example every anime lady isn't the same as structural misogyny like the pay gap or anti-women violence#but if you automatically associate the idea of 'female character' with 'lesser-than' it strengthens the already-present societal idea that#women are not as important or dynamic or worthy of support and attention as their male peers. if you are willing to see every (white)#fictional man as having interiority and depth but struggle to see that in any fictional woman then it adds to the things society is already#telling us about women. it creates an association of 'women' with 'inferiority' and uh. that's what misogyny is.#it is not the same as misogynistic crimes against irl women but it IS a reflection of the rhetoric and societal impulses that lead to them#and even if it's a reflection and not the actual thing. it's still important to break down and examine and reevaluate because#if we don't examine our OWN biases. then even if we tear down the greater oppressive structure we'll just end up building it back up again#no your thousands of words of m/m fanfiction or liking late 2000s shonen anime isn't responsible for misogyny nor are these things#inherently misogynistic. I just want like. some acknowledgement that something being 'for fun' doesn't automatically mean that bias/#prejudice is nowhere to be found
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public transit... *collapses to the floor*
#rich ppl have a disdain for it and it's so nonexistent in white suburbia but then you go to where rich people vacation.#public transit is so good at where they have vacation. free shuttles every 10 20 minutes. free! free!!!#I'm struggling to put the words together to make myself sound coherent but ultimately it's hypocrisy of the upper class#it's probably a bigger issue than just that really. obviously policy is not entirely dictated by individual and idk#it's just rahhh i wish public transit was like that everywhere! buses to go around towns! subways connecting towns! and cheap!! free even!!#there's also the issue of the loss of public spaces and loss of the concept of public in general#the other day there were kids screaming obscene stuff on the train for a whole 30 minutes. ppl were annoyed and everything#but one person's defense of their behavior on the train was dude you're taking public transit. and idk why that's. idk.#is a respectful peaceful transit also now a privilege only the rich can enjoy? only if you can afford a car and parking in the city?#the argument is that precisely because it's a public space that we all benefit from we have the duty to respect and protect it#because if the public space is uninhabitable then that's when inequality grows very apparent#you have to maintain it for the sake of everyone but especially those who might not want to or can't access the private#these kids themselves can't drive a car. if the public transit was hostile to them what other choice do they have for commute?#it's a failure of our society and education that we don't understand how important it is to protect the public spaces#by ridding of the public it's a fuck you to the children the elderly the poor the disabled or anyone caught in an unfortunate circumstance#twist your ankle accidentally? sucks for you. there are no benches here. to sit you must go buy a drink at a cafe.#car broke down? too bad. take an expensive uber to work because the public transit is broken down#having good public facilities is a safety net against drastic inequality and even then we don't have it done well enough#but societal issues take time to fix and I'd like to hope it's going in a better direction
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