#the pacing is off. the therapy talk gets annoying after a while. my favorite things are: davrin and assan. davrin is so funny also his bo

[droodlebug]

i'm for sure not finishing veilguard. i set it down a while and tried again and ahh i'm just not enjoying it. the characters dont have a depth im looking for.. the insertion of a writer's white guilt onto the elves that are based on real life indigenous people and have been in-games enslaved and treated horrifically and are the ones who don't have "real" gods that are actually just blighted tyrants. everything with taash and the qunari. the gameplay was fun for a while but then it made my hand so numb i couldnt do anything for a week. the last straw was taash's gender talk that suddenly turned into picking a cultural identity for them to align with out of nowhere and then soon after learning that Another antagonist is of course an elf. starting to feel like their implying that all elves become evil when given power jfc. i think i'm actually done with it it started making me feel gross and bored. i don't care if you enjoy it or not, everyone's got a different threshold it just crossed mine.

[highqueenofelfhame]

fafs, twenty four

so i was definitely going to wait to post this until tomorrow or the day after but then decided to say fuck it and in the spirit of rowaelin month am just giving it to you now, whatever. who needs rules. or regulations. not me.

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It was nowhere near the worst injury she’d ever had, but it certainly wasn’t pleasant.

The living room floor of one of her smaller sanctuaries had been turned into a makeshift operating room. A trash bag was laid out beneath her, rustling with every move she made. The first aid kit that had been untouched and hidden under the kitchen sink was open with all its pieces scattered around her. A brand new bottle of vodka sat to her right, several shots worth already buzzing through her veins. It would take at least one more swig before she got started, but it was already difficult to slide the thread into the needle, so she was holding off until she was just about ready to begin.

Gods damn the agent that shot her. Aelin would bet money that it was Remelle, the blonde bitch that had been pawing at Rowan for years. Before, when she was Lilian, she’d heard a wide array of stories about the woman and her unwanted advances. Ever since Aelin had been introduced to the FBI as a criminal informant, she had shot daggers at her in every meeting, likely angry Aelin was spending so much time with Rowan. Despite how much of that time was angry banter from Rowan, no matter if Aelin was trying to thaw out his icy inner and exterior.

None of that mattered now. She could have Rowan if she really wanted him. Maybe they were already together and--

Aelin stopped those thoughts in their tracks, eyes focusing on the task at hand. There were bigger things to worry about, like getting out of the city and, most importantly, the bleeding wound on her thigh. She chewed on her lip until the thread finally made it into the curved needle, and she held back a cheer as she sloshed some vodka over the wound on her thigh. Hissing through her teeth, she thanked the gods that it wasn’t any worse.

It wasn’t even that bad, considering everything else she’d experienced. There was the time Arobynn had stabbed a dagger through her palm, and she’d had to stitch up the injury herself. She wasn’t sure how many times she’d been sliced and jabbed in training. Her list of broken bones and scars was a long one. Once she got older and was better at her job than all of the men combined, training had become more of a game of survival. They had been out for blood, shedding hers in red tears on the floor until she managed to incapacitate them enough to claim the victory for herself.

This gunshot wound was minor. It hadn’t nicked anything major, and it had taken a while for Aelin to realize she’d even been shot. The adrenaline from running from the full force of the FBI had been enough to repel the pain until she was nearly to her safehouse. She was four blocks away when she realized her pace was slowing and that there was a sharp, hot pain throbbing in her left thigh. A glance down told her everything she needed to know. She had limped straight through the front door and to the first aid kit, where she now prepared to stitch her own leg up.

At one point, there had been a numbing agent in this bag, but she remembered using it on Sam after a nasty fight with Arobynn one night when she was twenty-one. Since then, she’d seldom been to this safehouse and had neglected to restock her kit. There was barely enough of the nylon thread left over, but she would manage. Aelin made a mental note to have someone, either Nox or herself, replenish the missing items.

With a deep breath and a final swig of vodka, she picked up the forceps and shimmied the tension from her shoulders while she hunched over her leg, ready to begin.

With the first stick and the drag of the thread through her skin, Aelin bit her lip so hard she drew blood. It was a bizarre and uncomfortable feeling accompanied by a slight burning sensation. Several times she groaned while she sewed her skin back together. By the time she was finished, her mouth tasted metallic, and the trash bag beneath her was covered in droplets of blood. Her bare thigh looked grim and would leave behind a jagged, ugly scar, but she doused it once more in vodka before wiping away the blood with a damp piece of gauze. Her hands were mostly steady while she placed a bandage over the top and taped it down.

It was just another painful memory that would soon fade to silvery skin. How many more would it take until she was free?

Shaking her head to pull her from any thoughts too negative to deal with right now, Aelin smiled a bit. She was almost pleased with herself for handling the entire situation so well, but the reality of the situation was soon to crash down on her. It didn’t take long for her to get up, going about the tiny house and jerking all the curtains closed. Hardly any natural light was able to filter in through the gaps in the curtains for how tightly she’d twisted at the blinds until they were sealed completely shut. Thumbtacks were shoved into the walls to keep anyone curious from peering inside. She would move to another place in a day or two, she promised herself, after she had time to dye her hair and her wound wasn’t so fresh.

Every lock on every door was twisted into place-- seven locks on both the front and back doors. Only two of those locks could be opened with a key from the outside. The other five were inside only, a variation of deadbolts and chain locks that made her feel secure.

Only when she was satisfied that she was as safe for the time being did she go to the single bedroom and lock the door behind her. In a handful of heartbeats, she collapsed on the old quilt and drifted into a fitful sleep.

~*~

The news that it would take weeks, maybe months, of physical therapy to have his shoulder back to one-hundred percent was irritating to say the least. Rowan would be out of work for a while, but that wasn’t the most frustrating part of the situation. He would be wearing the restrictive sling for weeks, only to take it off when he changed clothes or showered. They didn’t even allow him to take it off to sleep, for gods’ sake. Rowan would be sleeping sitting up for the foreseeable future, and he was fucking annoyed about it.

The last few nights sleeping in the hospital had been anything but fruitful. Not only was he woken by the nurses coming in to check on him every few hours, every single time he tried to adjust to a more comfortable position, he was reminded of the sling. The pain was nearly suffocating. Rowan had heard from Fenrys about how bad shoulder injuries were, but this was on another level of anything he had ever experienced.

So why he was standing in the abandoned apartment of the woman who had shot the bullet through it in the first place was beyond him at the moment.

It wasn’t the apartment littered with cameras and paid for by the bureau. It was the one she’d lived in privately before her beating and arrest. It was the one decorated with opulence and taste. With artwork that wouldn’t surprise Rowan to find it had been stolen and was priceless. The one with books stacking shelves every which way, those novels bookmarked and annotated, as he had just learned. Like she loved them so much, she couldn’t help but document her favorite and least favorite parts.

The linens closet was filled with the softest blankets and nicest sheets Rowan had ever felt in his life. Silk sheets were currently stretched over the mattress in her bedroom, a thing that Rowan had thought she’d quipped as a joke once.

“Sorry, the sheets aren’t Egyptian cotton for whatever the hell you’re used to,” he’d said, a bite in his tone as he showed her the dump of an apartment the bureau had decided on for her.

“Silk,” she winked. “Feels good against my skin when I sleep naked.”

It hadn’t been a joke. He ran his fingers over the fabric and almost smiled at the memory but forced his lips into a frown instead. As he looked around the room, the nearly ostentatious yet somehow tasteful room, he missed her. He hated himself for it, but he missed her. The woman had shot him through the shoulder, but the pain in his heart was somehow worse. His first thought when he woke in the hospital from surgery had been about if they’d found her and she was safe, gods above. Everything about himself was secondary, and he didn’t really care.

But they hadn’t found her. There was no trace of her after her anklet was cut. Nobody had seen her; traffic cams had stopped picking her up like she had just… vanished. He hated that she was so good at her job, so good at being a criminal.

Deep down, Rowan knew that wasn’t what bothered him. It never really had. There wasn’t a part of her soul that he had seen and didn’t understand or want to love. Nothing she had ever done had pushed him away in the slightest. Her honesty about her life and the vulnerability she had shown him only made him respect and love her more.

He wasn’t mad that she shot him. Was he annoyed that he couldn’t use his arm? Of course. But he understood. Rowan understood that she felt backed into a corner and betrayed, and she went into fight or flight mode. In this case, it had been fight and flight. He had stepped too close and got shot in return. It was fair. She was used to fighting her way out of situations, so of course, it was the route she’d taken.

He just wanted her to slip up for once so he could just find her and talk to her. Figure out whatever the hell was going on when they’d argued before she shot him, then disappeared in the middle of the day in a bustling city. Rowan wasn’t even mad that she hadn’t been caught. In fact, he was glad they hadn’t caught her.

Rowan didn’t want her to be found. The full force of the FBI would rain down on her like a hurricane and she would be shown no mercy. There wasn’t a single part of him that wanted her suffering in an interrogation room, throwing around the word allegedly like she used to throw daggers. For her to be thrown back in that dismal jail cell awaiting a death sentence that almost assuredly awaited her for what happened at the bureau.

But he was still frustrated as all hell that he couldn’t find her now, no matter how much he didn’t want her rotting in prison on the outskirts of the city.

It was while he stood with his fingers running over the silk of her sheets that he heard the jingling of keys at her front door. It was surprising, considering he’d had to pick several locks to get up here in the first place. Rowan flattened his body against the bedroom wall, listening to the front door open and close.

The footsteps that followed weren’t Aelin’s, though. They were a little louder, carrying a larger and heavier body. Rowan moved to stand in the doorway, startling the man in the center of the room. He dropped the bag he was carrying, swearing loudly as he bent to pick it back up.

“Gods above, Suit,” he murmured, dropping the bag on the kitchen counter. “What are you doing here? Getting something for Celaena?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Rowan inquired, noting that the bag he carried contained nothing of real importance. If anything, it looked like a combination of garden tools and art supplies.

“I think I stashed something here if we’re being candid and off the record, which I would very much appreciate if we were, by the way. I’ve come to collect.” Haversham -- Rowan still didn’t know the man’s real name -- began digging around Aelin’s bookshelves, looking behind and even inside some of her books that turned out not to be books at all. They looked like books, but when opened in the middle were hidden pockets. Some were empty; some weren’t. Rowan noticed a few that had different bits of identification tucked away. None of that seemed to be what Haversham looked for as he simply closed them and put them back on the shelves.

“Where is she?” Rowan finally asked, a little boldly.

“Can’t you check that fancy anklet you have her wearing and figure it out? I haven’t seen her in a week. She isn’t calling me back, either, so when you do see her, can you tell her that I…” The man trailed off after looking up from his search and seeing Rowan’s face. Rowan’s hard, unyielding face and the concern that was likely etched in his features. The wrinkle between his brow, the stiff way he held his lips. Haversham’s head tilted curiously.

“Holy gods, did she make a run for it?”

“Something happened at the bureau. I can’t find her. Neither can they. But I need to talk to her. I can’t help her otherwise.”

“Do you want to help her?” The sound that came from Rowan was nearly a growl, and Haversham retreated a step with his hands raised defensively. “Look, I’m just saying. She wouldn’t make a run for it unless it was something serious and you’re incapacitated at the moment. Which leads me to believe that she did it; otherwise, you wouldn’t be hurt at all. Celaena wouldn’t let somebody hurt you. So either you really fucked up--”

“I did, but only by not protecting her and defending her when it mattered.”

Haversham twisted his mouth to the side while he gave Rowan a hard once-over. It was like he was assessing everything he knew about his character while deciding if he would help him or not. There was a prolonged silence that made Rowan want to throw something at the man, but he waited it out.

“I’m only going to help you because you make her happy. And I don’t mean superficially. I mean that for the first time in the eight years I’ve known her, she’s been happier and more alive than I’ve ever seen her. I know she trusted you more than she’s ever trusted anyone else. More than me, which doesn’t say much considering I think she trusts me as far as she can throw me. But she trusts you more than Sam even.” Finally, he ripped a page from one of the books and began to scrawl across the page until it was nearly full. When he handed it to Rowan, he realized it was a collection of addresses. Some were in the city; some were in other countries. Some were a handful of hours of a drive into nowhere. One was practically around the corner from where they were now.

“What is this?”

“Safehouses. Those are the ones I know about. Celaena has… a lot of secrets. I don’t know even half of them. I have my suspicions about a lot of shit, but I’m letting her come to me with it when she’s ready. So I don’t know all of her safehouses, but I know those ones. Those are the ones she’s let me use in times of trouble. That’s the only help I can really offer you besides calling if I hear from her.”

“Thank you,” Rowan said softly, and he meant it. It was the biggest and only lead that he had on her whereabouts, and even if she wasn’t crashing on a bed in any of these places, it was a start. It was the only hope he had so far that maybe, just maybe… he might find her.

~*~

Rowan had decided to start on the outside and work his way in, and it was wasting a lot of time. Everyone he was friendly with at the bureau was constantly calling and texting to see how he was doing, asking what he was up to. Fenrys told him he’d stopped by his apartment a few times this week, and he hadn’t been home. Rowan replied, saying he was just taking some time to himself, which seemed to satisfy the man, and that had been that.

In reality, Rowan had been in Terrasen trying to find Aelin. She wasn’t in either of the two listed near the border of Adarlan, so now he was slowly working his way back toward Rifthold. It just didn’t seem likely for her to be hiding somewhere in the city, not when she would have to leave for food and other necessities at some point. So he’d gone as far out as he could before making his way back. So far, it had turned up nothing. Both of the cabins he’d visited in the woods had seen better days and likely hadn’t seen Aelin in years.

He was driving toward his fourth destination now, so deep in Oakwald, he wasn’t entirely sure he wasn’t back in Terrasen at this point. The location pinged on the Adarlanian side of the border, but he had little hope of actually finding her. There were only two safehouses left on the list, and both of them were in the city itself. Would he still check them? Of course. But did he think that she was stupid enough to be there? Absolutely not.

The energy of the place was different as soon as he made it up the drive. Halfway up, a gate that covered the driveway, and Rowan had to abandon his car and hop the fence. It was a bit of a feat, as it was taller than him, and he only had one good arm to use, but he managed. Even if it had taken him three times as long as it usually would have. Feet pounding down against the dirt so hard it caused a small cloud, he proceeded up toward the small cottage with a little more confidence than he’d had the rest of the drive.

Smoke was wafting from the chimney, and a dim glow flickered in the window. The window that a lithe body stood in, peering through the curtains and backlit by the fire. He couldn’t see her face, but he knew it was Aelin, knew he’d been spotted, and knew she was watching. How she had known he’d arrived, he wasn’t sure. Being overcautious her entire life likely meant that there were tripwires that alerted her of his presence somewhere on the driveway.

As he got closer, she disappeared, and the curtains slipped back into place. When he got to the door, he reached out but hesitated for a moment. Aelin clearly didn’t want to be found and was clearly mad at him. What if she did worse than she had the last time they’d seen each other? Part of him thought she wouldn’t, but he hadn’t ever thought she would shoot him, either. Rowan wasn’t sure how many times she had told him she hated guns, but desperate times call for desperate measures, after all.

It took more courage than he cared to admit to turn the knob. Much to his surprise, the door opened, and he slipped inside, shutting it behind him quietly. To be frank, Rowan couldn’t believe his luck. He couldn’t believe he’d managed to find her at all, much less on a list of places that Haversham managed to remember.

As his eyes adjusted to the room, he saw Aelin sitting across the room with a bottle of rum in one hand, balanced on her thigh. She was slumped down a bit in the chair; her hair dyed a muddy reddish-brown color. A dagger was in her other hand, being twisted in circles against her bare leg. Rowan wanted to tell her to stop, that she would hurt herself, but faster than he could register, she was moving. He was stunned further into silence by the whistling of the wind and the slight breeze by his ear. A loud thud had him whipping around to the door.

Embedded in the wood, millimeters from where his head had just been, was the dagger she’d been holding, and when he looked back at Aelin, she was smirking.

[sinagrace]

Iceman’s been back on my mind lately. It started with the internet rumor that Shia Labeouf was being considered to play the role of Bobby Drake in a Marvel Cinematic Universe version of the X-Men. My DMs and @Mentions on social media were a mixture of intense reaction and then asking my take on who would make a great Bobby Drake (for the record: in my head I always saw him as a younger Antoni Porowski with a theater background, ‘cuz playing the funny guy with a vulnerable streak requires serious acting shops). My mind went back to the time of BC, when I was doing a lot of touring, and answering this very question because of my work on the Iceman book at Marvel. One thing led to another, and I decided to take a trip further down memory lane to look at my favorite volume of the series: Amazing Friends. Now, I know I’ve spent equal amounts of time publicly stating what a gift working on Iceman was, while also calling out the challenges that came with the experience, but the third volume really was a pure blessing. I was able to take every valuable lesson I learned as a writer, and apply it to telling a story that would be interesting to one person: Me. I’ve been a lifelong X-Men fan, I live and breathe comics, so my own expectations for a return to the series seemed like the only ones to really worry about meeting/ surpassing. The first two volumes had been so bogged down by rotating editors, complex continuity, company-wide events, multiple artists… The third volume was my chance to focus on what an Iceman series was outside of so much context. All that mattered was challenging myself to do an X-Men story that focused on the aspects of the franchise I felt were valuable and relevant, meaning: excuses to have Emma Frost be an asshole and finding an opportunity to make fun of Kitty Pryde’s haircut. Before moving on from Marvel, Axel Alonso made time to call me for a pep talk about the series. I wanted to get the series extended, and he wanted to help me succeed with the ten issues he could commit to. First, he offered an eleventh issue to give me more time on the stands. He took a look at everything I had planned, and basically told me to restructure with an eye for ramping up the pace. My writing background comes from prose and essays/ think pieces… both of which are methodical and provide some allowance from the reader to really take your time and set up the world before diving into the meat. That’s not the case with comics. You gotta work fast. Especially in today’s market, there is less and less room for a retailer to say, “give it two volumes, because shit starts really coming together by the third trade.” That was literally my speech for hooking people on such iconic series as Invincible, Fables, and Strangers in Paradise. Nowadays, every single issue is not a brick to be laid down as foundation so much as a bullet in your gun. Conflicting imagery, but that’s the point. Axel told me to think about the Big Moments in my life and sort out how to inject the mutant metaphor into it and make the most compelling comic book story I could. This was epic advice that I took with me into the new arc, but I struggled a bit with what could be bigger than the “coming out” storyline in volume one. Love was off the table because I wanted to keep Bobby single and ready to mingle. Death was off the table too, because my editor felt like we’d done enough with Bobby’s parents in the first two volumes. Upon looking at my own life, and considering the stuff me and my friends were dealing with, I landed on something a bit more reflective than LIFE or DEATH. I wanted to focus on that moment when a gay guy looks outside of himself and realizes the folks around him may not have it so easy. After everything we’ve been dealing with this summer, Iceman’s “big issue” of the arc feels oddly prescient. Bobby Drake had to reconcile his accidental complicit role in keeping the Morlocks down, and he has to investigate new approaches to being a better ally to those who don’t want to or can’t live under the protection of the X-Men. I used the Morlocks to allegorically speak to the issues that the trans/ NB community face today. Considering that trans folks are facing higher rates of homelessness and murder than other members of the LGBTQIA+ community, all I needed to do was find a perfect villain to treat the Morlocks as “lesser-than.” Cue Mister Sinister, who I wrote as particularly Darwinist with a major flair for interactive theater. While Amazing Friends definitely is the most fun I’ve had working on the book, it was also full of the heaviest shit I’ve written about. I’m so grateful that my editor let me use Emma Frost for a story about the trauma of gay conversion therapy with her brother Christian, but I’m still annoyed he wouldn’t let me put her in a sickening Givenchy outfit for her reveal. Similarly, creating the Madin character required that I chat with several mental healthcare professionals and members of the NB community to respectfully portray them as a resilient and fleshed out hero. I included personal lessons that I learned from years of the therapy (the sandcastle / sea image, a Jay Edidin fave moment). My editor and I weren’t always aligned, but we definitely were on each other’s side. He understood what I was trying to do and asked questions when something flew over his head, and he even had the good instincts to stop me from going too heavy handed with the ending. My original idea for the arc’s finale was to have Bobby become permanently scarred in his fight with Sinister, where he’d have a cool ice gash running across his face or something, a la Squall from Final Fantasy 8. The goal was to show Iceman stripping himself of his ability to pass as non-mutant to save the Morlocks, but the Mutant Pride fight scene being a stand-in for the Stonewall Riots kind of already made enough of a statement. Plus, no one in editorial wanted to deal with remembering to track his scar in other books. At first I tried to balk at his point of view, but when I looked over my original notes for the series, the point was to focus on optimism and hope. Giving Bobby a permanent scar and emphasizing the notion of sacrifice was too bleak a message for a series wherein the hero carbo-loads hoagies while riding an ice scooter and mutant drag queens emcee local festivals. Of course, the crowning achievement of the series… my mutant drag queen :) I’ve witnessed a lot when it comes to the world of pop culture and myth-making, and I 100% believe that you can’t plan the success of something. I’ve seen bands forced into breaking up because labels spend six figures failing at making listeners connect with an album. I witnessed firsthand how The Walking Dead was built from relatively humble beginnings as a buzzy cable drama into a literal international phenomenon over the course of its first three seasons. Everyone hopes for the best, but you never know how something will land with audiences. When the Shade character took off, I was truly astounded. Things I posted on Instagram while half-asleep became official quotes on major news sites. Queens and cosplayers were interpreting her like Margot Robbie had unveiled a new Harley Quinn lewk. The impact was so legit and immediate that we had to jump in and give Shade a proper Marvel hero alias, to truly welcome her into the X-Men canon. Hence the name change to Darkveil. (Funny story: I tried to fight hard for Madame X as an alias, but CB didn’t want another Agent X / “X-Name” character. Three months later, Madonna announced the Madame X album. Phew!) There was a time where I felt uncertain that the folks in charge at Marvel would bring Darkveil into any stories outside of the ones I wrote. My understanding was that Hickman was like the Cylons and had A Plan-- one that didn’t include her character. I made peace with my contribution to the Marvel Universe being contained, but then someone on social media pointed out that Darkveil showed up in an issue of Marvel Voices. After breaking down and reading Hickman’s House of X, I saw that his Plan was one of endless possibilities, and that he was moving EVERY character into new and dynamic places. I have hope now that he sees the possibilities with Darkveil, and takes advantage of her and all of her many body pouches. Amazing Friends really is my favorite thing I’ve done for the Big Two. I made a lifelong friend out of artist Nate Stockman (DC, please hire us for a Plasticman book), and I got to run a victory lap with the most encouraging and supportive readers out there. It was worth every dreadful conversation, every shitty thing a person said to me online, and all of the fun nonsense that goes into being creative for a living. Being stuck at home in quarantine has given me a lot of time to reflect on the gift that my career to date has been, and I feel so grateful to be where I am today. Other people may groan when they have to talk about something they’ve moved on from, but not me. I made people happier, I got to work with my favorite characters at Marvel, and and I'll say it again: it’s a frickin’ gift to make people move from your work. So, I will engage every tweet or message asking me my thoughts about who should play Bobby Drake in the Marvel Cinematic Universe… I’ll just never have a good answer.

[chonkychornes]

Open Arms Part 4

Synopsis: You come back broken from a mission, and the one person who could barely put himself back together is the one who is trying to help you.

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Language? Angst. Smut…eventually.  UST. 4 of ? parts. How’s this as a warning: this is my first reader insert fic and it was a challenge, y’all. So, as long as it isn’t the worst thing anyone has ever read, I’m still doing okay! I hope you enjoy it!

Also, this is really for @quant-um-fizzx​ I couldn’t have/wouldn’t have done any of this without her help and guidance.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

You’re not sure when it happens, but James Barnes has somehow become your closest confidant. You don’t blame yourself; he’s always around. Meeting up with you after therapy sessions, sparring with you in the gym. Walking with you around the grounds of the compound and leaning on your kitchen counters while he watches you cook. 

No, you don’t blame yourself; you blame Steven Rogers. 

Steve hasn’t been keeping up his end of the bargain. That bargain that he proposed. He hasn’t been available after therapy and you actually can’t remember the last time the two of you had dinner alone. 

This is Steve’s fault … so he’s going to fix it; no matter what. 

“Steve, get him away from me. I’m begging you.” You’re pacing in the office Steve has and it’s currently on lockdown. No extra ears and no one can enter without permission. It was the only way you could talk to him without being interrupted

He’s leaning back in his desk chair staring at you amusedly. You have no idea what strikes him as funny in this instance, but it’s annoying. “Hon, I don’t know what you want me to do about it? You struck a deal with the both of us and it sounds like Buck is just making you stick with it since I can’t always be there.”

“How convenient,” you’re getting huffy. “I don’t need a babysitter, Steve.”

“Is that really how you see him? Think of this as accountability.”

The snort that emanates from your body is so out of character, that both you and Steve pause before he chuckles. 

“What do you have against Bucky anyway? He, like all of us, is just looking out for you.”

You plop down in the chair opposite Steve’s desk and sigh, frustration evident across your face. “I don’t have anything against Bucky,” you spit. “And I don’t need Bucky looking out for me.”

Steve stares at you for a moment and a smirk creeps up to his face. “You called him ‘Bucky.’”

The two of you stare at each other for a few beats and you suddenly realize that you can’t read Steve like you used to. Unspoken conversations were a common occurrence between you both along with anticipating each other’s needs or wants. 

Nope, you’re now experiencing this with James fucking Barnes. 

For a brief moment, you wonder if a quick roll in the proverbial hay will clear anything up between you. Something hard and fast to clear the cobwebs. 

You know that’s exactly what you need, except the man sitting across from you isn’t who you want. 

You want Bucky Barnes. 

And it hits you like several tons of bricks. 

You have what can only be classified as the hots for the man with the metal arm. 

But … it’s not just that, is it? That man really understands you and doesn’t placate you. He pushes you just enough and makes you want to be better. You can laugh with him and you can cry with him. Sometimes the two of you talk for hours on end and you don’t feel the anxious pull to get away; you just feel comfortable and content. 

It doesn’t hurt that he’s ridiculously good looking even when he isn’t trying to be. 

And truth be told, even though you’re complaining to Steve right now, you wouldn’t trade any of your time with Bucky for anything in the world. 

So, this is it, you think. This is what legitimate feelings for someone feels like? You’d have thought that there would be mental fireworks or something. 

You look at Steve, eyes wide with wonderment and he grins. “There it is. I was wondering when you were going to figure it out.”

You can’t have these feelings for Barnes. You’ve got to draw a line in the sand right now. 

Why couldn’t it just be a simple little crush? He looked so good in his suit and you could carry that for months until he said something completely asinine. But actual feelings? Nope, this won’t do.  Might as well make a fool of yourself now and deflect from that little revelation. 

“You know, I wanted … a moment a few weeks ago, before you left.” You shake your hair back from your face and look over at Steve.

“Wanting something because it’s familiar is understandable,” he throws his legs up on his desk and crosses his ankles. “Ignoring something that could be real and long and true … well, I think that’s just stupid.”

“I’ve gotta go,” you move towards the door and unlock his office. “We’re not talking about … any of this, okay?” You shoot him a smile and you mean it. You’re embarrassed, but he won’t give you shit for this. He won’t think you weak or crazy; he knows you’re just scared. 

“Sure thing, hon,” he smiles back and it feels like old times. “Don’t forget, movie night tonight.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m bringing cupcakes.” You release the lockdown protocol and move to swing out the door.

“I know what flavor he likes!” Steve’s laughing at you as stop and turn to look at him.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” you give him a middle finger salute and saunter down the hall. 

You have no idea how you’re supposed to get through your therapy session or the following gym circuit. 

Now that you know how you feel, how are you meant to focus on your feelings in therapy? 

Oh. You guess you could talk about these feelings. 

But then how are you going to spar with James? Because you know full well the man fully equipped with Bluetooth will be waiting in the gym for you.

Then there’s movie night, where you always end up sandwiched between the two super soldiers on the too-small sofa in the common room that Stark refuses to replace because “it fits the space just fine, I wasn’t planning on having two of them here”.

You don’t have time to think about that right now. 

You have a therapy session in twenty minutes and if you text Steve right now, maybe he’ll agree to put Barnes on some paperwork and meet you in the gym himself for the first time in three months.

Then maybe you can cut the session short so you have plenty of time to make cupcakes in whatever flavor is James’ favorite because it’s probably the least you can do, right? He’s been really good to you these last few months and he deserves a treat.

And put on some makeup.

And do your hair. 

And remember to shave your legs in the shower! 

Wait … 

You whip out your phone and send Steve a text asking him what flavor his best friend likes most. 

When he texts you back with his answer and a series of heart-eye and kissy-face emojis, you tell him to kiss your ass and meet you in the gym in an hour and stomp off down the hall for your session. 

Fifty minutes after pacing through your therapy session and talking about your feelings, you find yourself warming up in the gym waiting on Steve. 

You feel good today and most of that is probably from the virtual weight that’s been lifted at the revelation that what you’re feeling for James is real. 

That came to you about twenty minutes into the session and the shrink couldn’t hide her smile when you stopped dead in your tracks and just stared out the window. 

Because you can joke all you want and be crude and make it all about sex, which as you had been saying, would be so nice at the moment. 

But the truth is, James is the type of guy that, when you let your mind wander to that happy idea, you always imagined settling down with. A little place all to yourselves, with a dog for sure. Kids were an open-ended thing that you never really thought that much about, but you’d think about them for him, wouldn’t you? 

Retiring from the superhero life, hanging up the suits, and living peacefully while other people saved the world from chaos. 

You could live a version of that life with him, and you’d love it. 

Would he? Could he eventually leave this life behind? Would he want to with you?

Does he want you?

You think back to all the times you’ve been with James, alone or around the others, and it always ends up with you two together. Talking, sitting, eating … whatever the situation is, someone has to pull one of you out your own little bubble to get any of your time. 

You think about the night you finally left the compound and how you’re still sure the night wouldn’t have ended with a kiss in the restaurant. No, that would have been an awkward drive for Happy as you and James tried to keep your hands off of each other. 

That night would have ended with evening clothes strewn all over one of your bedroom floors. 

You’d take the bet that James wants you. It’s just a matter of if it’s just sex for him or something more. 

Your head pops up when someone enters the gym and your brow furrows when Natasha walks in. “What are you doing here?”

She smiles and being s quick series of stretches, “Girl talk.”

You stand there staring dumbly at her, “You don’t do girl talk.”

She smiles coyly at you, “I do when it benefits me.”

She runs you through 3 circuits and while she’s stretching out your calves on the mat, she verbally pounces. 

“So, what’s up with you and the ghost?” She grins as you try to twist away from her. So far you’d been able to avoid her questions and quips, but now as she basically has you pinned, you have no escape. 

“Why do you continue to call him ‘the ghost?’” Ah, deflection, an old friend. “It’s rude, Natalia.” 

She flips you over and puts you in a deep headlock and grips your hair at the base of your neck.

“I know how you are, stop it,” she grunts into your ear as you wrestle against her. “I already know you have a thing for him. A blind person could see that.”

You free yourself, but you’re certain she has a chunk of your hair in her fingers. As you crouch low and circle her, you choose your words carefully. 

“Maybe I do, but the point is I don’t know how he feels,” You lunge at her, but she sidesteps and you correct yourself to circle her again. 

“Oh, of course, he likes you. He almost mauled you in a restaurant,” When your eyes go wide and you relax slightly, she lunges and flips you over her shoulder. When you’re on your back, she looks over you and smiles. “Yeah, I’ve heard all about that. Look, I need you to make a move, that way I can finally make a move on that patriotic piece of ass.”

You stare at her in shock as you pick yourself and shake it off; you legitimately had no idea that Natasha wanted Steve … but it makes perfect sense. 

“Is it really any surprise?” Nat throws a punch that you easily deflect and you laugh. 

“I suppose not,” you crouch low and swing a leg out, knocking her off her feet in a practiced move. “I always wondered why you stayed around for so long. It’s not like you to put down roots.”

Nat pushes herself up and jumps to land on your shoulders and tries to wrap her thighs around your neck. 

“If you were interested why didn’t you make a move sooner?” You’ve already got one arm around her right thigh, so you lift and toss her off you. 

She breaks her fall on the mat with a cartwheel. 

You smirk and laugh when she pops upright and turns a pirouette. 

“Okay look,” she puts up her hands in a familiar signal that says she doesn’t want to play anymore and plops down. “You and Steve were doing your thing and I know you weren’t monogamous or anything, but I just figured things would get really complicated if I jumped in the mix.”

“He really cares about you, Nat. It would have been really weird.” You’ve conceded that whatever was between you and Steve is over and you can both talk about it, but this discussion? It’s hard and it’s weird. It sucks. 

“Which is precisely why I didn’t do anything,” she looks over at you and smiles softly as you sit next to her. “But now? You’re different. He’s different. I think it would be pretty stupid of me ignore something that could be real and long and true.”

Natasha and Steve are already so in sync, it would disgusting if you didn’t love them both.

You’re both silent for a long time. Shadows move across the room and you finally clear your throat. 

“You don’t need my blessing,” you turn to look at her dead on. You can see hope and hesitancy in her eyes and wonder just how long she’s harbored these feelings, but that’s for her to divulge. “Steve is always going to be my friend. I’m hoping he won’t be the first person I think of when I need something or want to share something.”

“Bucky could be that for you,” Natasha nudges me with her shoulder and I can feel the heat rise on my cheeks. 

“I don’t know how to even go about this! I mean, Steve and I just, I don’t know, we just sort of happened. There was nothing else behind it.” You laugh at the memory and cringe along with Natasha. “I just … what do I do?”

After she’s convinced you of a game plan, you head back to your quarters to take a quick shower and start on phase one: Cupcakes.

[sassyhazelowl]

I’m not overly interested in interacting with the fandom, but I wasn’t a big fan of the end of She/ra [S.pop.].

Keep in mind, I have been watching this series with my dad (off and on - he was very disinterested in the last season in particular) and my brother (spent the last season playing WoW). Sometimes I have to double check my impression and opinion with people outside the fandoms because, frankly, fandom people often have huge rosecolored glasses biases for ships/shipping.

For starters, the ships/shipping was off the charts in the last season. Yes, yes, I knew all those pairings were endgame, duh, but I wasn’t expecting to have my face shoved into it so hard with the pandering. My brother spend the entire season complaining about it, and even my dad made a few comments. Surprisingly, his only comment about cat/ad. was ‘I thought they already had a gay couple.’

My brother and I came to the same conclusion (separately) about the cat/ad forcefeed: Korra. LoK fucked up so spectacularly that it had to be as blatant and in-your-face as possible. And for that reason, and that reason alone, I will give the pandering a weary pass.

Other than that, the pacing was terrible. An absolute mess. I can’t tell if there was supposed to be another season, and that’s why the pacing was so bad, or if the writer really felt it necessary to jam that many subplots in to show the “full scope” of the war. What a jumbled, disconnected mess of slow, rushed, slow, rushed. This is actually where my dad complained the most. ‘If you’re running out of time, why are you sitting there crying and talking!’ LOLOL.

I won’t go into my beef with Catra’s handling because I’m sure other people have taken hard whacks at it already; it is a pretty easy target. Plus, I was expecting it, so I had an entire series to resign myself. Honestly, it was handled better than I expected overall. Also, I like Melog, the therapy cat LOL - sadly my favorite part of the last season and as my brother said ‘looks like it was designed by a 5 year old.’

However, what actually annoys me the most is how Shadow Weaver was dealt with. I never watched the original show, so I don’t know what was borrowed and what was created. For anyone who doesn’t know, character death doesn’t bother me in the slightest; I think some characters lend themselves well to it. But in this case it really rubbed me wrong.

Simply because it smacked of ‘ambitious woman gets comeuppance and atones [with her death]’ combined with ‘evil stepmother is [emotionally] punished for being a flawed parent.’ I would’ve much rather her ‘sacrifice’ be tied to Micah or even Glimmer because at least the ‘mentor always dies’ trope isn’t a direct result of being a woman and/or mother.

It is particularly jarring with Adora’s withholding forgiveness; that really went against the entire theme of the last season. It’s also kind of shitty that she’s the only character that received redemption via death? While everyone else got a free pass with no real consequences at all. Including Hordak. Plus, the whole ‘I’m proud of you’ to Catra before the offing? Grind in that evil stepmother vibe I suppose. Must make sure you we know it is because SW is a mother specifically. It doesn’t help that it mirrors what happened with the Queen/Glimmer’s mother either.

I’m fairly certain none of this was intentional and probably simply poorly thought through, but considering the subversion of other harmful tropes, I kind of expected better. Edit: Someone asked if I thought Adora should have forgiven her and if Catra did worse things. No, I don’t think Adora should have to forgive her or that her crimes are easily waved aside. I also don’t think the relationship between Adora and SW or Catra are similar enough to compare. My problem is that SW is the only one who dies and the only one who faces consequences and it is directly tied to her role as a mother (rather than a commander or mentor). It goes against the rest of the show, and it sticks out negatively to me personally. It really isn’t about SW herself as a character - it is about the deviation from the show’s core theme and how the tropes were chosen/represented. Considering the underlying premise of the series regarding female characters, I expected better than the regurgitated Disney Villain Step Mom/ Evil Queen. There were several easy ways to tweak it so it didn’t come off that way, which makes me think it wasn’t a consideration during the writing process. After all, writers have internalized biases too, and those are fairly ingrained biases in the subconscious.

Edit 2: I now feel obliged to add this because people like to take 1 criticism and turn it into show bashing. I enjoyed the series as a whole and there are lots of things I feel it does well/satisfactory. SW hardly makes or breaks the whole thing; it was just the bad taste left at the end of the series, so it sticks out.

[fanders-sanctuary-au]

Pint-sized Pining

I worked on this with the wonderful @cefinitely-rolo and I think she deserves some credit for this too! Thanks for all the ideas!

________________________

“I don’t know, Vi, something about her is just… Off,” I mumbled, picking at a few fibers on my friend’s bed. “Well, maybe you should get to know her, Ames, she doesn’t seem all that bad.” She responded, not looking up from posting something on the sanctuary’s Twitter. “But she’s so stubborn! She won’t even consider going to therapy, and even I went after I was healthy.” I sighed, looking up from my assault on Violet’s blanket. “If I remember correctly, you bitched and whined about it for almost a week before Emile dragged you into his office when you woke up screaming one night.”

“That’s different! I didn’t think I needed it, y'know?”

“Well did you ever think maybe Christina feels the same way? That she doesn’t need help?” Violet countered, turning away from her computer to face me with an amused glare.

I groaned and rolled over on the bed, my voice coming out muffled when I spoke next. “Ugggghhhh, fiiiinne, I’ll make an effort” I whined, sitting up and making grabby hands at Violet, signaling that I wanted help off the bed. She held out her hand and I hopped on, allowing her to gently lower me to the ground. “Thanks Vi, I’ll go and talk to her.”

“Good, go on, and if I hear one more report of you and Virgil having a screaming match, I’m not coming to your defense.” Violet chuckled, gently shoving me out the door of her bedroom.

“Love you to Vivi!”

___________________

“Okay, make an effort, make an effort. C'mon, Ames, you’re an inch taller than her, it can’t be that hard to talk with someone so tiny right?” I mumbled to myself, not really paying attention to where I was walking until- WHAM - I collided with another borrower that I hadn’t even noticed walking towards me.

“Oowww, hey! Watch where you’re walking you-!” The tiny suddenly cut off, staring at me with a combination of horror and blush. “Oh god, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to- ah! Christina, I was looking for you, are you okay? Your face is super red, did I hit your nose or something?” I asked, reaching my hand out to her face, but she jerked back before I could do anything. “I’m fine! Don’t touch-! I mean, I’m fine, thanks though.” Christina rushed out in all one breath. “You-uh, said you needed something, what’s up?” She asked, trying her best to compose herself before facing me. “Oh um, I know we haven’t really made an effort to really talk to each other, and I wanted to get to know each other, y'know?”

Christina started at me for a long time, whether with annoyance or confusion, I wasn’t sure, but after a while she opened her mouth again. “I would love to but Larry convinced me to go to therapy and that’s where I’m headed now, so maybe take a raincheck?” She offered, looking legitimately disappointed, so I nodded. “Of course, not a problem, maybe after?”

“Uhh, yeah, sure. I need to go now!” She waved a hasty goodbye and ran off in the direction of not Larry’s office, but Patton’s room. I stared after her for a few minutes before turning and walking to the Borrower Boulevard.

A few hours later I sat on my bed, reading a book and generally staring off into nothing, when I heard a knock at my door.

“Come in!” I called to the person behind the door. I thought I was going to be Patton or Virgil, but instead walked in Christina, holding a cupcake. “Hey, uhh, I wanted to um, give you this cupcake. Um, yeah!” She squeaked, her voice a much higher pitch than normal.

“Oh! Thank-” before I could finish the sentence, she had already ran out the room, leaving my door slightly ajar. I picked up the tiny cupcake off the ground and looked at the icing scrawled on top it, spelling out ‘<3 U.’ I stared at it for a bit, not sure why Christina of all people would hand me a cupcake, but I honestly don’t understand the girl at all, so maybe this is her way of saying she wants to make amends for our awkward meet a few hours ago.

I shrugged and but into the cupcake, surprised to find that it was peanut butter, my favorite flavor.

_____________

“I swear, it’s insane! The girl won’t say two words to me, but almost every other day I find something from her at my doorway!” I ranted to Virgil. “It’s been almost a month! I don’t understand it at all!”

Virgil sat in silence for a moment and took a deep breath. “Oh you oblivious fucker,” he sighed, rubbing his temples.

“What?! What is that supposed to mean Virge? Nothing she does makes sense!” I groaned, standing up from Virgil’s bed and beginning to pace. “Listen Ames, maybe Christina feels something towards you.” Virgil offered.

“Christina? No way,” I scoffed, “she doesn’t seem like the type to just leave random gifts and say nothing about it! I mean, just this morning, she burst into my bedroom, yeeted a bouquet of flowers at me, stared me in the eye for a few seconds, and just booked it! I swear she’s insane!” I yelled, feeling my cheeks start to heat up.

“Ames, you’re blushing”

“Am not!”

“You totally like her!”

“Shut up! I’m gonna fuckin strangle you, you emo nightmare!”

“AMELIA LIKES CHRISTINA! AMELIA LIKES CHRISTINA!”

“SHUT UP!”

_____________

A few days later, I heard a timid knock at my door and after allowing the person to enter, Christina walked in, looking one part bashful and one part ashamed.

“Hey, um… I just wanted to apologise for my- y'know- behavior this last month…” she mumbled, picking at a loose thread on her shirt.

“Oh! I was actually wondering why you stopped doing all those odd gestures of flirting.” I laughed lightly, standing up and walking over to her.

“You-you we’re? I thought for sure that it was annoying, I even talked with Thomas and Violet, and even they said to stop, that you didn’t like all those big gestures and I was doing it wrong.”

“Well, yes I do prefer smaller things, just simple things like wanting to be near me is often enough, but I did appreciate you trying. How did you know my favorite cake flavor by the way, I’ve only ever said that to….” I cut myself off and sighed, “you’ve been conspiring with Patton haven’t you?”

By the blush on Christina’s face, I knew I was right.

“Listen, I know you’re trying and I appreciate it, but whatever your doing isn’t going to win my affection so easily. I want it be friends with someone before I want to date them, so for now, and we’ll see where it goes from there, friends?”

Christina faced me with a flirty expression, “friends with benefits?”

“Friends.”

She gave me a cute pout and sighed, “oh, okay, friends then.”

--------

T: Aww, this is so cute! Hopeless little babs in love! Thank you so much for writing this!

[poweredbycoffeeandwine]

Snapshots from Haven

 Elina Trevelyan x Cullen Rutherford - Pre-relationship - DA Inquisition AU. Here lies all the fluff, and a mabari named Atticus, because I can.

Atticus grumped at the front door; his owner sat, coffee cup in hand, small half smirk on his lips as he observed.  The usually stoic, no-nonsense mabari had begun a strange new ritual of pacing, leash in mouth, at a new time of day. Cullen Rutherford made a career as a soldier, and his personal life mirrored that militant style. He had never questioned the need for structure and schedules, even at his leisure things were done according to plan. What was surprising, however, was noticing the aberration in his faithful companion. They were much alike; his four-legged friend and he. He thrived on on routine, and always questioned changes with his massive head cocked to one side. Cullen found it  strange to remember a time when he didn’t have his loyal mabari. Old memories had faded from agonizing to a dull ache.

The choice to leave the military had not been an easy one, but the PTSD and the daily battles it caused had made the decision obvious. Coming home to his brothers and sisters, broken, battle wary and heartsore, was almost too much. They had suffered at the unexpected death of their parents, but they had moved past it, healed by mutual love and affection; grown beautifully despite trials and hardships. He never wanted to bring that taint to them.

He almost fled into the night. No reasons, no goodbyes. It had been a magical Santinalia holiday. One he hadn’t thought to experience again. He had felt like such an outsider - a guest, apart from the brilliant light his siblings and their families had created. Watching the glowing faces of his siblings, as they exchanged presents, his infant niece sleeping in the arms of his sister looking fragile and at peace. The shame inside him clawed it’s way up and made him feel like a charlatan. Someone pretending to be Cullen. Holding all of his belongings in a couple of suitcases, creeping down the stairs of his sister’s home, he made out her figure sitting on the bottom step. Mia had known, because of course she had, and was waiting for his escape.

Her warm hazel eyes held no pity or disappointment, only sadness and maybe a hint of anger. She didn’t yell at or judge him, she only held out her arms. In that moment she reminded him so much of his mother; her grace and unconditional love. He took solace in her, and explained his demons as well as he could. Everything laid bare for her to examine. They cried together - for innocence lost, for him, for her, and when the sun peaked into the window with the dawn, he agreed to stay.

His sister suggested he consider meeting a counselor and perhaps find a therapy dog to help him cope. He promised to give thought to the therapist, but readily agreed to seek an animal. Atticus had become more than Cullen could have hoped for. He had saved him, he was family, a constant companion and best friend. Nearly two years had passed since that night, and he could not be more pleased with the life he had created. He still had hard days, and likely always would, but he was content. A comfortable home, his siblings, a few close friends, and a job he enjoyed were things he wouldn’t have dreamed for himself just a short time ago.

Cullen had rarely taken time from work, and that is why he was at home on a Tuesday morning, sipping on his second mug of coffee. Cassandra, his partner at the precinct and friend, essentially forced him to take some leave. He knew when to pick his battles, this was one he wouldn’t win. He usually could not sleep past 4, and after a light meal he took Atticus for his walk. Early morning had always been his favorite time of day. There was a freshness to the world, it was undisturbed and it reminded him that everyday he could choose to start again. To leave his ghosts behind. This morning had been no different, there had been a light storm customary with the changing of Summer to Fall. The weather had shortened their walk, but even over the last couple of days when their time was uninterrupted, Atticus hovered at the door at 8 o’clock.

“Well, boy,” he said, clearing his throat, “did you not get enough outside time?”. As he picked up the newspaper to see what reaction he would get; he chuckled at the annoyed huff the dog gave. It turned into a full laugh when he tossed the leash at his feet, and placed his paw on his knee. “All right, I suppose we could go out again.” Atticus sprang up from the ground with a happy bark. He gave the leash to his master and sat dutifully while it was attached to his collar. Cullen grabbed his umbrella and stepped out into the crisp autumn air.

Haven was a quiet tourist town full of picturesque shops and spas, and he had grown quite fond of it. Atticus’ favorite path lead them near downtown towards the bakery. The owner, Flissa, always had a small treat just for his pet. Cullen allowed the adoration and the tiny cookie because… how could he say no to the charming animal? They continued past the coffee/book shop towards the small side street that led to their favorite haunt. There was a park, with flowers, trees, and a pond. Atticus was too well trained to chase the ducks and other birds, but Cullen could tell there were days his puppy side surfaced and he wanted to.

The light drizzle of rain had begun again. It was the kind of rain that didn’t bother short term, but Cullen opened his umbrella since he was walking based on Atticus’ whim. Reaching their turn, his pet began to pull them forward and across the street. The mabari hardly ventured that direction, but he allowed him to lead on. Once they reached the opposite side he made a great show of examining a fire hydrant in front a a pretty shop, “Snapshots from Haven” the sign above the window read.. Cullen, in turn, looked at the display in the large window.

Deep greens, rich browns, blues and gold blended; creating a painstaking whimsical forest scene. Various pictures were showcased amongst the trees. A series of loving couples, weddings, newborn babies, young girls in tutus twirling across glossy and matte prints. At the center was a beautiful portrait of a familiar dog beneath a large tree, leaves of different colors falling gracefully around him. In the background there were birds touching down in the pond. What startled him most was the solitary man standing nearby. He recognized himself, and it looked as though he was waiting for something. His profile staring off into the distance. It was eerie just how life like the picture seemed.

He started at the sound of a tiny cough from just behind him. He turned and found himself looking into the deep chocolate eyes of a woman he was sure he’d never seen before. “It’s a great shot, isn’t it?” Her voice was soft and sweet, “Never thought I would meet the subjects of my favorite photo. Hope you don’t mind?” She looked slightly nervous, as if he would be upset at the invasion of his privacy.

He was openly staring. The woman was striking. Her raven hair was pulled into a ponytail, small fly-aways framing her face. Her lips stretched into the most breathtaking smile ever directed at him.  She was also absolutely soaked. “Yes, of course. I mean no. I have no problem with it. I only wish I’d seen it sooner.” He took a step closer, telling himself it was to give her some measure of protection from the drops of rain misting from above. “Do you own this shop?”

“Um, yeah, I opened it about six months ago. Last year I was here to photograph a friends’ wedding.  After I left I couldn’t get this place out of my mind. I packed up my studio in Ostwick, and here I am.” Cullen couldn’t help but notice how prettily she blushed.

“You’re beautiful….I mean your work. It’s beautiful.” Cullen stammered, turning red, and rubbed the back of his neck. “I, uh, should let you get on your way. Rain and all, is wet, you’re wet.”

She laughed, a wonderful tinkling sound that he would love to hear again. “I don’t mind the rain. In fact, I was going to grab a cup of coffee and call it quits for the day. Perks of being the boss. I’d love the company if you and your handsome companion would be so kind?” She motioned towards Atticus. His dog was sitting perfectly still, a knowing look in his intelligent eyes. The only movement was a nearly imperceptible wag of his stubby tail. “My what a good boy you are, so perfect and agreeable.” She fell to her knees in front of him, paying no mind to the puddle on the sidewalk continuing to coo and praise him, leggings and boots suffering.

Maker preserve him, but if she carried on that way, he knew he was in trouble. “We would certainly join you for coffee. I’m Cullen, and this is Atticus. Mind you, he will let all of those compliments go to his head, and there will be no living with him.” He held out his hand to help her stand, and he swore his heart skipped a beat or two when she took it.

“Lovely to meet you both. I’m Elina Trevelyan.” She replied, mischief sparkling in her eyes. She tucked her hand into the arm he offered with a smile. “I see where he gets his impeccable manners from.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure, perhaps it is the company that inspires us,” he managed with a great deal more blushing. The rain ceased shortly after reaching the shop, so they decided to sit outside at a table that had escaped most of the water. They sat and talked for hours about books, movies, and favorite locations around Haven.

“You haven’t been up the peak to the waterfall yet? I honestly can’t believe it. I’d bet you could get some beautiful photos there.”

Her lips quirked off to the side as she replied, and Cullen was transfixed by them, “No, I haven’t been able to go. Sara warned me not to make the trip alone, and she and Dagna have been too busy to take me. I am hoping they will agree to it soon before the snows come.”

A far off look in her eyes had him opening his mouth against his better judgement, “Atticus and I could take you. I’m on vacation from work. It really would be no trouble, and I’ve been meaning to go.”

She squealed, grasping his bicep with both hands hugging his arm, “Really?? Cullen that would be amazing!”

“Sure, we can go whenever you are available, I really have no other plans.”

“Can we go Friday? I have a few sessions and editing to complete over the next few days.”

Cullen fighting a smile threatening to overtake his entire face answered, “Yes, that works. Do you want to meet here, or should I pick you up at your studio?”

Elina beamed back at him, and grabbed for his hand. “I don’t have any of my cards with me, so this will have to do.” With a final flourish, she returned his hand to him, and stood. “I’ll see you Friday, Cullen.” She tossed a wink at him, collected her bag, and walked away.

He looked down, dumbstruck. On his palm she had written her name, number, and the small message, “I can’t wait.”  It felt like high school, but he couldn’t help feeling giddy. With his other hand, careful not to smudge her neat flowing message he knelt and gave Atticus a pat. “Don’t think I am clueless about what you’ve done.” He pretended to scold, “Well, what do you think, boy? Do I have a chance?” The mabari gave him a doggy grin, and licked his cheek. They walked home together, Cullen, for once, pleased for deviating from a schedule.

[fireandseaweed]

Two Bro’s In Brome || Jason and Percy

Jason and Percy get pizza.

Late nights weren’t unusual for Jason these days. The duties of Pontifex coupled with the workload of his classes meant that he couldn’t go to bed quite as early as he used to, even though his alarm went off at the same time every morning. Sitting at his desk in the living room of his apartment, mostly tuning out the sounds of Netflix in the background, he tapped away at his laptop, editing a story he had to turn in for one of his classes. A cup of coffee (decaf because of the hour) steamed in front of him and even though he had a lot of work to do, he couldn’t help but feel peaceful. Until he heard the telltale sounds of a key scraping in the lock to his apartment. A couple people had keys; Nico, Annabeth and Percy, Piper, Will, so it was hard to pinpoint until the door opened who exactly it was. But he pushed his glasses up on his nose and waited for the door to open, “Help you with something?”

Percy had never fully understood how someone could be as much of a workaholic as Jason and Annabeth appeared to be. They both worked all the hours under the sun and to be honest Percy had sort of gotten used to the fact that they got so into their work that they forgot about him. Shifting the pizza boxes onto his left hand, he scrabbled with the lock and caught Jason red handed. “Ha. I knew you’d forgot.” He set the pizza on the table in the center of the living room, making his way over he spotted the laptop and word document. “If you’ve got work you need to do we can turn pizza night into a study sesh,” he always took his laptop to Jason’s. They often had to do homework as they chilled out together. “As long as you’ve got some beer I’m willing to forgive you.”

Jason turned beet red when he saw Percy come through his door with a stack of pizzas and a wide grin on his face, “Gods! I totally had! I’m so so sorry Perce.” He snapped his laptop shut and went to go help Percy with the boxes, setting them down on his kitchen counter before he pulled his best friend into a tight hug. “Between school and trying to work with the Vulcanites on rebuilding Temple Hill and shifts at the bookstore I’ve just been buried this week.” He released his friend and got them both beers from the fridge, “I do have beer! I always keep beer on hand just so you’ll forgive me when I inevitably fuck up.” He cracked the bottles open and passed one to Percy, “How are you? Thanks for grabbing the pizza.”

Laughing Percy hugged his friend and brushed away his apology. “I’ve already forgotten about it.” He shrugged and took the beer off of his friend. Taking a long drink, he smiled before grabbing a slice of pizza. Chewing on the cheesy delight he made his way across the room and slumped into Jason’s couch. “That’s much better,” he yawned gently and took another mouthful. Smiling peacefully he sat in silence for a moment before speaking. “Has it ever occurred to you that you’ve got too much on your plate? You don’t need to work and go to college and be the pontifex maximus. Leave something for the rest of us to do.” He laughed and swallowed another mouthful of beer. “Don’t sweat it,” he smiled. “I’m good, just, maybe for the first time in years I’m just living my life and it’s wonderful.”

“Is it because of the beer? There’s a reason I always keep your favorite in the back of my fridge.” Jason grabbed a slice of the super cheesy and bacony pizza that Percy had brought him, his favorite, and slid into the chair next to the couch, chewing idly and looking at his friend. “Nearly every day. But I made a promise to a goddess to be Pontifex, and a promise to myself to go to school and I need money so I’ve got to work too… so really it’s just a matter of keeping up this pace for another three years and then I’ll have my degree and it’ll all be peachy keen… or selling a manuscript before that and becoming a published author so I don’t need to work anymore. But you know me, P… I like being busy. If I’ve got too much downtime I go crazy.” A smile crept across his face and he leaned forward to squeeze Percy’s knee, “That makes me happy, dude. I”m glad.  You definitely deserve this.”

“It may well be because of the beer, but it is also really nice to just get to hang out with a friend.” Percy smiled gently and swallowed another mouthful of ice cold beer. It was exactly what he needed after such a long and hard day. Shifting gently he shrugged. “You make too many promises Jason, when you commit to something you commit to it, I’ll give you that. But you’re stretching yourself too thin.” He wished that he could help his friend with this, but he had chosen this job and it was up to Jason to see it through. “I keep busy, but no so busy that I don’t ever have time off.” He taught swim classes and was the captain of the UNR swim team, he also studied full time and trained. “I’m lucky,” he knew it, despite the PTSD and everything that had ever happened to him, he knew that he was lucky. He knew that things could be much worse. “What about you?”

“We all know it’s the beer.” Jason threw a wink at Percy. Their long friendship made it easy for them to joke like this. When you’ve had someone’s blood all over your hands you get to joke with them a bit. “I make only the promises I intend to keep and the ones that need to be made. You know me, P. I gotta help however I can. Besides… as long as I have you and that genius girlfriend of yours to occasionally slap some sense into me.” He finished his piece of pizza and went to grab another from the box, “You get this from Pizza Place? Maxine’s getting better at this shit and it was already good as hell to begin with.” Sitting back down he shrugged and started in on his second pizza. “Life is life. I’m busy, therapy twice a week, I try to do some work on the Hill at least every weekend but you know what a fucking shitshow it is up there. Before you start to gripe at me I make sure to take at least two hours to do things just for me every night. I’m taking care of myself. Promise.” His eyes moved over to the large calendar hanging on the wall, filled with all sorts of dates and appointments, before he landed on a date heavily circled with a couple of stars on it, “New recruits come in a couple days. Ready for this year’s crop of scared kids?”

Shrugging gently, Percy laughed. “Well you are the one who is saying it is the beer, I won’t admit to anything.” He laughed and shook his head, he knew Jason was joking and it was always reassuring to have him make jokes at his own expense. That was when you knew you were with friends. Or in this case, his best friend. “Yeah, this is definitely one of Maxine’s finest works. I’ve been eating there since I arrived in New Rome and even I think that she is outdoing herself.” He chewed on his pizza and smiled, “You know how I worry about what could happen if someone didn’t make you look after yourself, besides Thalia wouldn’t let me get away with it if something were actually going to happen to you. I’m still pretty terrified of her shield.” He danced over the PTSD and the mention of therapy. This wasn’t the day for that. Jason’s suggestion made him laugh. “I doubt I’ll see much of them, I’m only covering a few training sessions for advanced swordsman, I won’t get to meet any of them for a while. I hope they’re ready though.”

With a twinkle in his eye Jason beamed at his friend, “Well that’s what brothers are for. Saying the inconvenient truths you won’t. I’m just here to keep you honest, Percito.” Jason debated on a third slice of pizza and decided to just sit and nurse his beer for a little while. “I can look after myself just fine, thank you. I have saved the world multiple times, a busy schedule is nothing compared to that. Though…. Thalia is more terrifying than Gaia and Krios combined.” He nodded as Percy talked, “I’m a little jealous. Reyna and Frank roped me into giving tours and being one of the on-call “if you need help settling in” people. One of the downsides of having an office at HQ. I doubt I’ll be very involved though. I’ll put on my best scary older legionnaire face and they’ll be too terrified to talk to me. Works like a charm every time and leaves me plenty of time to focus on the things that matter. Like homework, and movie nights.”

Laughing once more, Percy realised that he didn’t miss the nights that he had spent with legionnaires when he had first moved here. Hell he didn’t even miss being a counsellor at Camp Half Blood and that really told you that he had grown up. “Inconvenient or annoying truths?” He couldn’t hide his smirk and instead stuffed more pizza into his mouth. “Either way it is appreciated even if it isn’t convenient.” He shrugged gently and chewed on his pizza, “Well I wouldn’t go after her, I’m quite glad that she isn’t my sister. Although heaven help anyone who hurts you.” He shrugged gently and drank some more. “I do not miss those days, I am more than glad that there is a new generation of centurions who can cope with the nitty gritty details like settling in semi traumatised legionnaires and probatios.” Pretty much every demigod was partially traumatised. “Those are certainly important, but I hope you don’t have anyone who idolises you, that’s infuriating.”

Laughing along with his best friend, Jason stretched and twisted his broad frame until he was resting comfortably in the chair “she can be a hellion. An immortal, ageless, ferocious hellion.” A slight roll of his eyes and a shrug later he replied, finishing the last dregs of his beer “part of the job. Look intimidating in white robes and terrify them into doing well and fighting for the glory of Rome… and then praying to the gods that they don’t come knocking on my office doors.” He wandered over to the fridge and got them both two new beers, “That hasn’t happened in a year or so. Last one who was got a stern talking to by Reyna and Frank about what exactly constitutes stalking. I try to stay pretty aloof and unapproachable for that exact reason. I don’t have the time to deal with a wanted romantic partner let alone an unwanted one. Who has time for that?!” He chuckled wryly, mostly to himself. He hadn’t dated since Piper and though she kept trying to set him up with people, he was content to be single. “I know it’s early… but what’re you doing for Christmas this year?”

Gratefully accepting the new beer, Percy swallowed the last dregs of his current drink and held the ice cold bottle gingerly in his slender fingers. “Hashtag blessed ese,” he smirked gently and laughed before shrugging, “I never worry about you going rogue, I worry about Annabeth going rogue.” He thought back to his brief time in the legion and shrugged, the brand that had been tattooed onto his forearm seven years ago briefly popping into his mind. At least it looked cool. “I can’t blame them,” he said with a shrug, “I remember seeing Luke and Thalia in action and I was pretty awestruck, but you’re even more of a hero. The man who slayed the Trojan sea monster.” It was one of many of his best friends impressive accomplishments. “I get it, wanting to be single, from you it makes sense.” It was true. Jason deserved some time to himself, besides he was too busy to have a love life. “Mom and Gabby are going to Paul’s parents, so me and Annabeth will either stay here or go see her dad I guess. You? Either way, I expect to see you.”

“Who’s got the time to go rogue, dude? But gods help us if Annabeth ever does. We’d all be powerless in the face of her genius.” Jason’s cheeks flushed momentarily as he waved Percy’s compliments away “That was a long time ago. Now I’m just a dude doing dude things. and building temples. Nothing exciting. No monsters for this old man. Not if I can help it.” He couldn’t help but chuckle “but if I start getting a bunch of cats you gotta set me up on some dates, man. Don’t let me turn into that sad old man.” He knew Percy wouldn’t, even without asking. They looked out for each other, like they had since they first met, and he knew Percy had his back. “I haven’t decided. Either I’ll use my Pontifex sway to get a table at Bacchus’ for one or I’ll take a trip somewhere. I’m just trying to see who’s doing what.”

“Not to mention the amount of work it would be, by the Gods duelling a titan and giants was hard enough, when I fought Ares I was sure I was going to die.” Percy shrugged and smiled gently. It was nice that they could talk through things like this, even if they were mostly joking. “Just a demigod trying to have some kind of normal life, I get it.” He couldn’t think of anything better. Nodding gently Percy had to admit that he didn’t get to go home for Christmas nearly as often as he would have liked to be able to. Mostly because he was so busy, and the price of flying, it meant it was hard for him to work through it all. Pausing for a second, he nodded. “Well as I’m sure you already know, you’d be welcome to join me and Annabeth at any time. Christmas is a time for family.”

“I would honestly rather face Krios in single combat again than try to deal with a rogue Annabeth. That’s a depressing thought. Mostly for the titans. If a mortal woman is more terrifying than them.” Jason laughed, stretching, “well… as normal as we can get. We certainly don’t have the most normal lives, but we can get some sort of semblance of normality.” He gestured to the apartment around him “I’ve got a place. Houseplants. A bed that’s not a barracks bunk… this is pretty normal for us. It’s the kind of normal I can live with. Homework. Friends. Job. It’s a good normal and as long as I have you and Annabeth around I’m good.” His smile softened and mellowed, the smile of the content and loved, “I know. And the same goes for you guys. Wherever I am at Christmas there's always two places for you guys right next to me. I just sorta wanna get outta New Rome for it. No family to go to so I might just… go.”

“The titans are similar to the older and more conservative generation, they have stopped being relevant and that terrifies them.” Percy laughed. “As for Annabeth, well what can I say.” The pride in his voice wasn’t deliberate. But he couldn’t help but be fiercely proud of what she could do. She was way more impressive than any other demigod that she could think of. Smiling gently Percy thought about going away from it all for Christmas. Maybe that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. “I don’t know,” he sighed and shrugged, “I will have to see what Annabeth says, I’m not thinking just for me anymore.” He scratched the shadow of stubble that had crept across his face, tapping his fingers against his bottle of beer he smiled gently. It was true that this was as normal as things were to get for them. Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. It was good to do something that didn’t have swords and blood as a main activity staple.

“Well… because we killed a bunch of them. That’s gotta really put a hitch in their panties.” Jason smiled at the clear pride Percy had in his girlfriend. They were a couple that loved and supported each other truly and deeply and Jason loved seeing it. “It’s not set in stone or anything. I’m just trying to figure out my options. But yeah… figure out what you guys are planning and let’s do something. Like normal mortal adults.” He sat comfortably in the chair for a long moment before heaving a giant sigh. “Alright. We gotta get some work done. Or at least I do. You can use my playstation if you want or do some work, but I’mma be writing shit. Be prepared for me asking you opinions on lines of shit. This is what you get for being my brother.” And he wouldn’t have asked for a better family.

[eng-and-mort-read-books-blog]

  Zombies vs. Unicorns by Holly Black and Justine Larbalestier

Hey Book Nerds it is Mort here with another review.

This book is another anthology in the horror/fantasy genre. It is about unicorns and zombies, which is amazing all by itself. However the really cool thing about this book is that before every story, which they change between zombies and unicorns, the authors argue to prove that their team is better. It was really enjoyable to read their spats back and forth. this added something different to the book. I did wind up choosing a side, not the side i thought that I first started on but i will tell you what side got my final vote at the end of this review.

1. The Highest Justice-Garth Nix (unicorn)

3 bookmarks

This story was interesting but I thought that it could have been better. The unicorn in this story was an interesting  character. my on problem was that this was more of a revenge story about a mother murdered and a daughter seeking revenge. Not really a unicorn story. I would have liked it more if the unicorn showed up more and had some type of personality. This story also contained a zombie so that was also a nice touch. It was still a good read.

2. Love Will Tear Us Apart-Alaya Dawn Johnson (zombie)

4.5 book marks

This story was very good. The only reason that I gave it 4.5 bookmarks was because of the ending. It reminded me of a twist on Frankenstein and it had romance. I am a big sucker for the ¨monster”finding love. My one problme was the ending. it took me from the top and dropped me down to the concrete. I did really enjoy the main character and how he reminded me of deadpool (my fave). Also an added bonus was that he wasn’t a typical zombie. Really refreshing

3. Purity Test-Naomi Novik (unicorn)

5 bookmarks

You know you are doing something right when you make people laugh so hard they drool. (not me someone else, hahaha) This story was a really good read and the unicorn was sassier than hades in the hercules movie. I really enjoyed how the two main characters played off of one another. The girl in the story is homeless and is just about done with everything. Both her and the unicorn make a good team and they have a hilarious adventure together. A really good read and one of my favorite from this anthology.

4. Bougainvillea- Carrie Ryan (zombie)

3 bookmarks

I really wanted to like this story. However, it really was a bit difficult to get into this story from the beginning. It did have a cool distopian world. The main character was hard to connect with and I found her bit annoying. granted she did become a bad ass halfway through and i found her tolerable. So with that being said can we just talk about the ending for a moment, WTF I always want things to take a turn for the better and instead i get a girl in serious need of therapy and no love.

5. A Thousand Flowers- Margo Lanagan (unicorn)

2.5 bookmarks

I thought that I would love this story because team unicorn was pulling out into the lead. This story was a bit odd from the beginning but i thought hey it will get better and then it just got freaking strange. It was like reading something along the lines of the Bastard Executioner or Game of Thrones just not as formal. As the story went on I was just lost and confused and then the ending happened (I´m beginning to sense a theme). The ending reveled a relationship that just blew my mind and kind of freaked me out. I wouldn’t really consider this a bad story just not my flavor. 

6. The Children of The Revolution-Maureen Johnson (zombie)

4 bookmarks

This story was making fun of a certain actress which i thought was funny and pretty clever. The way that the author took these zombies and made them into something that I hadn’t seen or heard before was nice and a good change. It was creepy and kind of reminded me about The Family cult I had read about when i was younger (yes i read about cults in my childhood). I really enjoyed reading this and the ending was completely unexpected but in a good way.

7. The Care and Feeding of Your Baby Killer Unicorn-Diana Peterfreund 

5 bookmarks

I really liked this story. It had magic and gore and just all around fun stuff. The unicorn was not your typical cute and fluffy, it was bad ass and cool. 

I also liked the romance or should I say the romantic tension that happened in this story. It added something different and I liked how it was in the background and did focus on it throughout the whole story.

8. Innoculata-Scott Westerfeld

3.5 bookmarks

I enjoyed the ending of this story and it was well written. However, it was a bit long and it took awhile to really get into the story. There were touches of a homosexual romance which was a nice change of pace and one that I really enjoyed. The concept of the zombies was interesting and they were not the run of the mill zombies. The imagery that was thrown in at the end really did tie in the whole book. 

9.Princess Prettypants- Meg Cabot

4.5 bookmarks

I really enjoyed this story. It was funny, horrifying and touching all at the same time. This story did take a while to get into it and it was full of cliches, but it tied together pretty well. The strong friendship and the underlying potential boyfriend added to the intensity of the story. The Unicorn was a bit of a disappointment. It was a bit too much mainstream. It didn´t have any  factor that wet it a part from the stereotypical unicorns. Still a good read.

10. Cold Hands-Cassandra Clare

5 bookmarks.

I own a couple of Cassandra Clare´s books but never got around to reading them. After having read this book however i was pleasantly surprised and am now going to read some more of her work. This was a pleasant surprise and one that I definitely did not expect. This love/justice story was well written and a great take on a segregated town. I feel like this could also be talking about LGBTQA people. Anyone who doesn´t share the same views or walk the same path are not considered people. However, in this story they are dead so..........

11. The Third Virgin-Kathleen Duey

5 bookmarks

This story is definitely one of the best our of this book. The Unicorn in this story is such a creepy and sadistic character but they are also relatable. The fact that they can only talk to virgins is a nice element that bring is some folklore into the a modern story. The last virgin that he comes in contact with was a beautifully developed person and one of my favorites, not only for her bravery but also for not totally becoming a slave to this beast that wants her to do an unspeakable thing. I would love to hear more about this unicorn...........maybe a full book!

12. Prom Night-Libba Bray

2.5 book marks

The last story in this anthology was an ok one. I didnt hate this story, it just didnt do it for me. The story is about teenagers whose parents have all died and they decide to go prom. Not exactly what I would do during the zombie apocalypse but hey I never went to prom. The pain that the kids felt was real enough and how they held themselves together was admirable but I would have liked it if the story held more horror or something that would make me shiver but it was just a bit lacking for me.

Overall my rating for this book as a whole was about a 4.5, I will definitely be reading this again but it does have some stories that I might just skim over.

Happy reading everyone!

Mort

[tortuga-aak]

Inside the hottest show on YouTube, where celebrities answer questions while eating blazing hot wings

BI

Back in August, I was watching a taped episode of "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert" when towards the end of the show, instead of bringing out a musical guest, Colbert sat down at a folding table and ate four increasingly spicy chicken wings while answering questions from a smooth-talking interviewer named Sean Evans.

First We Feast

This was the first time I had ever learned about "Hot Ones," a popular YouTube show where Evans interviews various celebrities as they eat hotter and hotter chicken wings.

In each "Hot Ones" episode, you'll see some of your favorite celebrities try to overcome blazing hot wings. In the case of Colbert, he made jokes — "My fillings are on fire right now" — drank a ton of milk, and paced around the stage in front of his live studio audience. The four-minute interview was fun, but more importantly, it felt authentic.

A full-length "Hot Ones" episode on YouTube lasts about 20 to 25 minutes and follows the same recipe: the host (Sean Evans), a special guest (usually a celebrity), and two sets of 10 generously-sauced hot wings, each one hotter than the last. One question is asked per wing, but even if the guest doesn't make it to the finish line (most of them do), Evans will ask all of his prepared questions.

The show has been around for nearly two years and "Hot Ones" has landed some incredible guests in that span, including comedian Kevin Hart, NBA superstar Kevin Durant, actors James Franco and Bryan Cranston, astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson, and many others.

YouTube/First We Feast

Some interesting stats about the show:

•  As of November 28, 2017, there are 110 total episodes of "Hot Ones."

• 84 of the 110 "Hot Ones" episodes have over 1 million views on YouTube; 8 episodes have over 5 million views.

•  The top 58 videos on the First We Feast YouTube channel are all "Hot Ones" episodes.

•  The most popular "Hot Ones" episode features Kevin Hart. It has over 10 million views.

“Hot Ones” is just one show from Complex Media’s First We Feast team, which produces videos that study the intersection of food and pop culture, but "Hot Ones" is far and away the team's most popular hit. The show is particularly popular among the internet community on Reddit — there's even a “Hot Ones” subreddit with nearly 12,000 subscribers.

To learn more about the inner workings of YouTube's hottest show, I got on the phone with “Hot Ones” host and Chicago native Sean Evans to talk about his life, "Hot Ones," and its ongoing evolution.

This interview was lightly edited for clarity.

First We Feast

Dave Smith: Tell me about how you went from freelancing at Complex to getting a full-time job at Complex. You went down to New Orleans for a job — what happened there?

Sean Evans: It was just to do some interviews. I was living in Chicago at the time, I was working freelance with Complex so I was down there to do some interviews with 2Chainz and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Dwight Howard and Damian Lillard and a bunch of rappers and athletes and celebrities that were down there for NBA All-Star Weekend.

YouTube/Complex NewsThat trip just so happened to be scheduled at the same exact time Complex was trying to get its YouTube channel off the ground.

I think they were doing some video content but they saw I had all these crazy interviews lined up, so they were like, "Hey, do you think it’s cool if we put these things on camera?" I was like, "please put them on camera!" Because I had such a pathetic, boring life at the time, to me, having a 2Chainz on-camera YouTube interview was like the coolest thing ever.

So [Complex] came in with the cameras, they popped the tripods down, and apparently they liked the finished product enough to offer me a job. Thirty days later, I sold all my s---, I quit my job in Chicago, then I was in New York the next month. It was kind of crazy.

Smith: Was journalism and interviewing always your passion?

Evans: I was a broadcast journalism major at the University of Illinois, so there’s always part of you that thinks you could, or hopes you could, but it’s not like you can just walk in and get a TV job.

First We Feast

In fact, my professor at the time, John Paul, he thought I would be a great weatherman. He’s like, “you’re so glib,” and I could ad-lib a little bit on green screen. He was like, "you’re tailor-made to be a weatherman." That’s kind of where my focus was, but then you graduate, you get a job at an agency or somewhere writing press releases, and then before you know it, five years of your life’s gone by and you’re like “whoa whoa whoa, what the hell happened?” 

There's that great Steve Jobs quote about not being able to connect the dots looking forward, just looking back, and so it was just a series of coincidences and taking advantage of every opportunity and then eventually, like a Plinko ball, I just ended up in this spot.

Smith: You are a very eloquent speaker — where does that come from? Do you have experience public speaking or something? 

Evans: People who are from Chicago are just funnier than people who aren’t from Chicago. I know I think a little bit differently and talk a little bit differently, but you know, when people say those things, I say, "all my friends are exactly like that." I think people from Chicago just have a way of talking that’s a little bit different. 

Business Insider

No comedy background, it’s not like I was in the Second City theater or anything like that. I don’t know, I guess I’m a little bit glib, maybe my professor was right.

Smith: Part of the appeal of "Hot Ones" is how incredibly prepared you are for your interviews. What’s your research process like?

Evans: When it comes to the interview questions, how we game plan it, it’s just what it looks like. We read and watch every single thing that we can.

I do this with (First We Feast editor-in-chief) Chris Schonberger, who’s a creator and producer of this show, and we basically divide and conquer. He’ll send me a big long list of all the podcasts, profiles and features he’s going to listen to and read. I’ll usually binge-watch every possible YouTube video — if it’s a musician I’ll listen to their music, if it’s somebody who wrote a book I’ll read their book.

I think it’s by virtue of really caring that we set ourselves apart because there’s so much in media that’s just making the donuts dance, and we knew if we could differentiate, which just means rolling your sleeves up and getting after it, we knew we’d have a real viable property.

Smith: Who are your favorite interviewers?

Evans: I think the best of all time, you have to go with Howard Stern. He was a major influence on me. I would make tapes of his radio show and just play them on the playground — even in elementary school and junior high, I was always obsessed.

Thomson Reuters

I was a big fan of David Letterman. One of my earliest memories: My dad used to love Letterman, and he’d watch it at night or he’d binge-watch it on the weekends because he’d tape it. And I’d sit next to him and make him explain the joke to me every time the audience laughed, which I’m sure was highly annoying for my dad, but maybe in some messed-up way, maybe I’m trying to make people laugh like Letterman used to make my dad laugh. Like if I were to go into therapy and do some deep-dive on what’s kind of fueling this thing, this is probably like the messed-up screw that’s loose, you know?

But I think it’s Howard Stern — legend. David Letterman. Adam Corolla and Jimmy Kimmel. Charlie Rose. James Lipton. [Interviewer and musician] Nardwuar. All of these people who can connect with their subject and then bring out something that’s human, knock them right out of their PR-driven holding pattern. That was always what I liked to see, what I liked to listen to, what always put me on the edge of my seat, so I know that’s important.

Smith: Okay so Sean, I really hate to put you on the spot, but at this point in the interview I need to ask you a few personal questions. In honor of what you do on your show "Hot Ones," I did my own Instagram deep-dive on you, Sean Evans, so I have a few questions about some things I’ve seen in your Instagram feed. Is that okay?

Evans: Yes, go for it. I love it.

Smith: Great. So I’m looking at a picture here from February 14, 2014. It’s you with longer hair holding up two tickets to the NBA All-Star game. Your caption there is: “Hey. Happy Valentine’s Day, ladies.” What’s the story there?

Instagram/Sean Evans

Evans: That was just me with a nice haircut, feeling myself. I wasn’t always a bald look. That is the very New Orleans trip that kind of launched this whole thing. I think that was in the courtyard of the W Hotel, and that was my weekend when I was doing all of these interviews on camera, my first-ever on-camera interviews on a professional level. So that’s just me showing off a nice haircut, and I think that was on Valentine’s Day. I had a plus-one to the Dunk Contest so to all the ladies out there who were following me at the time, that was just a Bat signal.

Smith: Did anyone come with you to the All-Star Game?

Evans: I had a good weekend. I had a great weekend that weekend.

Smith: All right, last one for you Sean. This photo from 2014 is you and Chrissy Teigen. She’s licking your head here — I’m going to assume you two got along. What was that interaction like?

Instagram/Sean Evans

Evans: I think that was my second or third day in New York. When Complex hired me, originally I wasn’t at First We Feast, I was just like a hired hand for Complex. They’d send me out to different events or they’d have people visiting the office and I’d do interviews with athletes, musicians, whoever. So they sent me out to some on-location thing with Chrissy Teigen. We do the interview and after it wrapped, I’m waiting like they were going to do some kind of picture of us together, and then I just feel a tongue up the side of my face. I was a little bit startled by it, but then, it’s Chrissy Teigen, which put me at ease — and does make for a pretty good picture. If I recall that picture correctly, I look a little frightened by it, a little scared. She put me on my heels for sure.

Smith: I'm sure. Well thank you for indulging me on that Instagram deep-dive, but I want to get back to "Hot Ones." How many people are on the team, and what is the general process like from choosing the guest to the point when filming begins?

First We FeastEvans: It's a relatively small team going week to week, and we have a big long list of people we target. Like in the office I’m in right now, we have a white board and it’s got all the names of people who we’ve reached out to.

It’s not easy to, week over week at 11 a.m. on Thursday, get a fully-produced “Hot Ones.” With a team that small, it is just everyone working their asses off every week. There’s no magic to it at all, it’s just pure elbow grease. People lighting their hair on fire every week and putting it out in a garbage can full of ice cubes, week over week over week over week, for basically two straight years. It’s been insane.

When it comes to picking a guest, there are a lot moving parts to it. But the good thing about comments sections, for as much s--- as they get, is that you have a real-life focus group with you at all times. If you pay attention to your audience, it’s a cat that will let you know where it likes to get pet. So we have an idea of who our audience wants to see.

Business InsiderOf course, my life now I’m basically like a wedding DJ taking requests 24/7. Every time somebody stops me on the street, they tell me who they want to see on the show. I open up Twitter, they tell me who they want to see on the show. Everyone is always just hitting me with the guests they want to see. But there has to be a part of you, that Vince McMahon thing where you know what the people want more than the people know what they want.

Smith: I want to know about the process for coating the wings. Each "Hot Ones" has 10 different wing sauces, with each one hotter than the last. Do you sauce the wings the same for every guest?

Evans: Yes, it’s the same all the way through. I’m not totally involved in this because I’m usually sitting in the seat, but I’ve seen it in action. They’ll have like 20 plastic bowls out, and all the bowls will be filled with the different hot sauces, so two sets of 10 bowls for each sauce. And then Chris Schonberger, or our producer Dominique, they’ll toss the wings in that bowl so you’ll get full coverage on the wings, so that our guests can’t find a corner or a side where there’s not sauce on it.

So you get that full coverage, and then they’re put on the board, and they’re sent out — and of course, on that final wing you get a little extra last dab.

First We Feast

Smith: Follow-up question: Do you guys do anything, especially during the process of coating the wings, to make sure guests don't get really sick, especially for [the final sauce] The Last Dab?

Evans: You know, the bowl isn’t going to be as generous a pour on Da Bomb, as say, on Valentina. That said, we ignore disclaimers left and right on “Hot Ones.” I think some of these bottles say, “Just a drop!” “Dilute with water!” We don’t do any of that stuff. On some level it does have to toe the line in order to keep its edge and bring people in and really smack a guest in the mouth, which is something that obviously our fans like to see and it’s a wave that we’ve ridden. So on some level it’s downshifted a bit, but probably not as much as it should be.

First We Feast

Smith: Who has been your favorite guest so far?

Evans: I like different episodes for different reasons. The N.O.R.E. episode is an episode that just catches the track. It’s sort of a buddy-cop film all the way through, and when that happens it’s just kind of magic.

I think there’s a whole category of interviews I appreciate because they’re just such dense, perfect blocks of content in my opinion: Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Henry Rollins, Steve-O, Ricky Gervais, Russell Brand. Those are interviews that, to me, all the way through, just hum. They hit the right notes. Exactly how the episode was in our heads, was exactly the way it came out.

There’s just episodes that I love. There’s the Key & Peele episode, which I think helped launch us. There’s the DJ Khaled episode where the energy is just so bad that it’s amazing. The YG episode — to me, YG always has these horrible, horrible interviews, but on “Hot Ones,” he’s amazing.

Business Insider

So when we can take people that usually don’t play nice with the media — Kevin Durant, for example — and make an episode where you see a different side of them, those are ones I’m proud of, too. They all just check different boxes to me.

Smith: Follow up to that: Which guest surprised you the most?

Evans: That’s a good question. The reason I think we don’t really miss is because all of that research. You end up doing some kind of real armchair pop psychology on your guest. You almost know them before they ever sit down. You almost have their personality pegged, or the things we know play well to our audience. I think that’s the key most of these [episodes] haven’t bricked or gone really bad, because we always know on some level what to expect.

But you know who did kind of surprise me? And this is no shock, because he’s a very funny guy and he’s a great dude: Jim Gaffigan. For his comedy and reputation and his brand, the fact he didn’t get through 10 wings is still one of the most mind-boggling, baffling things. That’s the thing I was furthest away from the target. I would’ve put everything I had on Jim Gaffigan getting through 10 wings, and he didn’t get through 10 wings. We were shocked by that. But that’s why you play the game, and that’s why you shoot the show. You never know.

Smith: Looking at the lifetime of your show, can you pinpoint when things started getting really huge?

YouTube/First We Feast

Evans: Yeah we talk about the tentpole episodes all the time. To me, there are a couple that had us breaking through the ceiling. The first one is Machine Gun Kelly, which I think is the second episode ever. I remember while it was happening, he was getting up, he’s walking around the room, he’s screaming, he’s so uncomfortable, but it’s theatrical and amazing on this black-background nothing set. It was just explosive energy. And when that was going on, that’s when I knew this show is different. This show is special. This show is something the world needs now.

The episode that really was the first huge, viral, many-many-millions-of-views episode was the Key & Peele episode, which we knew was awesome, but the show wasn’t always so popular. I remember when we’d wake up and we’d be lucky to have 25,000-30,000 views in a day, but the Key & Peele episode was the first millions and millions of views sort of “viral” video. That’s when I knew we were onto something.

The Kevin Hart episode was a breakthrough as well. That was huge, A-list talent, in his moment. Really, once you have a foundation like that, to me, there’s not a person who’s totally untouchable or unreachable. Not everyone’s going to agree to eat chicken wings, that’s obviously an enormous catch to our show, that’s an enormous ask. It’s not easy to get anyone to do your show, but on “Hot Ones,” you have to eat scorching-hot chicken wings. So it’s always going to be a challenge to book, in my opinion, no matter how popular it is in the zeitgeist. But once you start getting those bigger apples to fall, you lay a foundation where I don’t think there’s anyone who’s outside of our reach, or our ability to get them and have them eat some wings.

YouTube/First We FeastSmith: What’s the future for the show?

Evans: To us, you want to be careful. I think often times, people get restless about that sort of thing. And I think "Hot Ones" is a show that’s evolved over time.

We’re always more interested about putting more trophies in the case. We want to make more hot sauces. To us, the craftsmanship and getting an idea off the ground and putting it into flight, whether it’s an episode that’s just an idea then all the sudden is real and on YouTube, or it’s a hot sauce that’s just an idea then all the sudden you’re holding a bottle in your hand. We want to keep doing that. Maybe it’s a book; we’ve always wanted to write the book. We’ve always wanted to branch out from the show just a little bit more.

First We FeastTo us, we’re an interview show, and that’s the oldest construct in the history of media. We don’t feel like we’re some sort of gimmick; what we feel like we’ve done is taken the interview and turned it on its head. To us, we want to keep it simple on some level, keep it so it’s not 10 million moving plates, keep it so we’re connected to our audience. But on a bigger sort of “what’s next,” it’s just more interviews. More tangible things our fans can really connect with. Because in this day and age, where so many people are screaming for your attention and eyeballs, it is important that there’s hot sauce and things fans can hold.

That’s really where our heads are at. It’s just about making everything bigger, making fans more connected. We just dropped a live episode with Wale today — sometimes I’m not sure if the live format is the thing, I don’t know what’s next, but maybe there is some sort of tour. Maybe there is some way we come into your town and eat wings with you. That’s really what we’re thinking about. It’s a show for the people, so every time I think about evolving or what’s going to make it bigger, it’s just about making that connection to the person who’s watching me in their cubicle, or on their laptop, or on their phone when they’re going to their jobs or whatever, or binge-watching at night. Whoever that person is, watching and laughing, I want to make sure they feel connected to the show.

So that’s always what we’re thinking about: The tent, all the people who are in it, how we keep that tent as big as it is, or bigger, and how we keep everyone in that tent happy.

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