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dumdumsun · 4 years ago

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Forever and Never

A/N: Thank you so much for taking the time to read this series ❤️ I’ve had so much fun writing this and am very proud of and excited for it, I can’t wait to see how people react to this. Um I know there are plenty of warnings for a first chapter, but I promise it’s not as depressing as it sounds. It’s just that this story can deal with heavy stuff sometimes, so I just wanna let you know that. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, death, sexual assault and mental illness

Word Count: 3194

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One: Hi, My Name Is

“So, what was your time in Pennsylvania like?”

“Uh… I’d have to say it was the best… and worst time of my life.”

“Best and worst, huh? Would you like to elaborate?”

“Well, I, uh… I mean, I don’t really know how to, like… explain it. It’s a lot. I don’t even know where to begin… Or how I would even word it or anything.”

“Well, you told me you like television and movies, right? You know those shows and movies where the main character tells the plot as, like, their life story? Maybe you could try that.”

“You aren’t… You aren’t serious, are you?”

“You’ll know when I’m joking, trust me.”

“Oh… Okay, then. Well, um…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi? My name is… (Y/N)? This is my life story, I guess.

So, if we’re going to talk about my life in Pennsylvania, we’re going to have to start with my life in Kansas, first. I had two loving parents that soon turned into one at the too-young age of nine years, when my mom died. I remember her as one of the sweetest people I’ve ever known. She had this way about her that was so carefree, yet she gave a shit about everything. You could never pin a thought to her because she never let you in on what was bouncing around in her head. She was stubborn and patient and lively. I miss her so much. I don’t usually think about her unless it’s a particularly hectic day, which I then resort to talking to the ring I wear on my left pinky finger at all times. Wasn’t anything special, just some cheap ring with a little emerald inside she found at a thrift store. It used to be hers and she’d wear it on the exact same finger. My dad said she’d want me to have it.

My dad is my favorite person. He isn’t the most… present, though. His mind is never set in one place, always racing with hundreds of unrelated thoughts. It’s why when you finally drag him back into reality, he can’t repeat a single sentence spoken to him. Regardless, he’s all I had for a long time. I never really learned what he does for a living, but I just know that it forces him to leave town sometimes. Well, more like all the time. Before my mom died, it was easy for him to leave for weeks on end, but when he became my only guardian, he didn’t really know what to do with me. It was like he completely forgot how to take care of a child, his child. When I turned twelve, that was when he started travelling again. I would then be home by myself for a month to eight weeks. In these times, I had no choice but to learn to cook for myself, go grocery shopping and housekeep. I became pretty independent at a young age. It wasn’t like Dad left me totally alone, though. He would call every two or three days and he sent me two hundred dollars every two weeks. Like I said, I don’t know what my dad did, but he was definitely getting paid. At the end of eighth grade, Dad had a particularly long trip to go on, so he sent me to Pennsylvania, where his sister lived.

Pennsylvania was partially the best part of my life because of my family. My Aunt Pam was like a second mother to me. She was never able to have another child after my cousin Jacob and she’s always wanted a daughter of her own, so that’s what I was to her. The daughter she could never have. I’d often find her staring at me with a bittersweet smile on her face, watching my every move with a sense of pride, but when I’d ask her what was wrong she’d only brush it off as her admiring me. My Uncle David didn’t necessarily view me as a daughter, but he certainly treated me like one. When he wanted to spend time with Jacob, he included me as well. We’d usually go on drives around the town, but I always fell asleep to the soft and serene music that filled the car from the radio. On the weekends, we would head down by the lake and spend hours learning to fish.

I hated it, but I couldn’t complain. It gave me a sense of certainty to live with a father figure who didn’t leave me alone every two or three months.

Jacob was like a brother to me. He’s a year older than me, which, to him, meant that he had to protect me at all costs. I always assumed it was because he always wanted a younger sibling, and I was the closest he was ever going to get to that. I always felt as though I’d never be able to equal Jacob on an intellectual level because he practically had the IQ of Albert Einstein himself. I felt inferior to him until I found out how much of a joy he really was. On the weekends, he would beg me to accompany him in a movie marathon. I learned that Jacob was a huge fan of Tim Burton (his favorite was Beetlejuice). He’s the only cousin I’ve ever known. Mom and Dad didn’t like each other’s families, so I never met anyone besides this little family. Moving in with them meant that they’d have this huge burden on them.

Yes, I almost forgot to mention that I struggle with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD. It just means that my mind is flooded with these crazy and unnecessary thoughts and so my behavior is affected by them. For example, if I were to blink and felt I put more pressure on my left eye than my right, I would have to repeatedly wink with my right eye until they felt balanced. Sometimes I can’t enter a room until I have inhaled eight times. If I scratch an itch on my left knee, I have to scratch the right one in the exact same place. At the sink, even if I don’t use both knobs, I have to hold both in my hands. And when I turn them off, I often have to check about four times before I am certain they’re turned off all the way. I know, it sounds tiring. Just imagine being on my end, having it be a part of who you are. I can’t do anything to stop it, I wish I could. I was always afraid to make friends because of this. If I couldn’t be balanced, I’d freeze, and I mean actually stop whatever I’m doing and stand still, until my body felt as if I were balanced once again. Who wouldn’t make fun of me for this?

Apparently, no one gave a shit about it. After moving to Pennsylvania, I made quite a name for myself at school. Literally. My name was Zip. I have no fucking clue how that ridiculous name came to be, but that’s what I went by day after day. One could say I was considered popular, but it wasn’t like I actually spoke to anyone. When it came to extracurriculars, I only participated in theatre. I never was part of the cast, just the stage manager. Secretly, I wanted so badly to audition and be a part of the magic they created on that stage. Not to boast or anything, but I had the talent and potential to be a starring role. But I could never bring myself to break out of my shell. Nonetheless, being stage manager still got me quite the attention. Everyone was always so nice to me, so I felt a little bad for not considering any of them as friends. That was until I met Dina.

Dina was new to our school sophomore year. She had this sort of light to her that attracted the pesky moths that were our dull and boring school body. We had the same social status in school. People liked our personalities, so we were well-liked and accepted without doing much to prove ourselves worthy. She was sweet and compassionate and so fun. I didn’t mean to become her friend, but she was so welcoming, despite being the newcomer. We became close friends, but not best friends. We already had people filling those roles.

Dina’s best friend was Sydney Novak. Sydney moved to Brownsville around the same time as Dina, so the two became best friends quickly, but Sydney wasn’t very popular at all. She was shy and introverted, but I thought she was nice enough. I liked her and thought she was a pretty cool person. We weren’t necessarily friends, we were just well acquainted simply because we were both close with Dina. The transitive property, if you would. I just wish we could’ve talked more, our relationship was pretty much nonexistent.

Speaking of nonexistent relationships, let’s talk about Richard Berry. I honestly don’t want to even think about him, but he played a role in my life that was too vital to just offhandedly mention. For some odd reason, Ricky Berry was absolutely in love with me. It was so obvious to everyone except for me. Sophomore year, he expressed his love through the most arrogant and cheesiest of pick-up lines and compliments. I wasn’t so easily won over, if you could guess. I tried being good friends with him, but he’d always fuck it up when he tried to initiate intimacy. I didn’t want to hold hands with him in the halls or receive “friendly” cheek kisses. I’m not what you would call affectionate, especially towards people I’m not close to. It’s just never been comfortable for me. Junior year, everyone around me was buzzing with excitement when they heard Ricky was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. The cheerleaders, who got to know him through his high school football career, constantly pestered me with reasons as to why I would be so lucky to date The Richard Berry. Granted, he became less of a dick junior year, so I thought, Why not?, and accepted. Being in a relationship with Ricky was the most one-sided… anything I had ever been a part of. He was undeniably enamored with me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to reciprocate those feelings. He would show me off to his family and friends like a trophy, but if someone asked me if I had a boyfriend I’d go, “I mean, yeah. I guess”, so not a very healthy relationship. It also didn’t help that Ricky knew nothing about boundaries.

One night, we were in his bedroom, studying for a science test. Ricky wasn’t focused at all and kept trying to kiss and cuddle with me. I let him for awhile, but then he took my book from me and set it on the ground beside his bed. He suggested we have sex right then and there. Now, I was never a prude and definitely didn’t wait to have sex for the first time, but I never wanted Ricky to be my first. He hadn’t earned enough of my trust to even touch me suggestively. So, of course I refused. Ricky only took that as me teasing him, so he advanced, nearly forcing himself on me. Using all my might, I shoved him off of the bed. He stood to his feet, utterly confused, but I only gathered my things and left his house. He tried following after me, but I ignored him until he turned and went back into his home. The next day at school, he was holding me and kissing me and showing me off to everyone like he always did. As if nothing happened between us the night before. It was difficult to do, since he was so inconsiderate, but I managed to break up with him. He tried to deny that we were Splitsville for about a week, but everyone caught wind of our break-up. Once everyone knew about it, it became true for him. I never really felt comfortable with being intimate or open with guys after that.

Besides with Stanley Barber, of course. Stan was my best friend in the entire world. I told only my deepest, darkest secrets to him. And he told me his. The only things we really had in common were our lack of mothers and our hideous bacne. Stan lived a few houses down and was eager to get to know me a week after I moved in. I’d never met anyone in my life like Stan. He was so awkward, but loveable. I don’t know, I guess he reminded me of my mom. The way he didn’t care, but he so clearly did. Whenever I wanted to talk about something that was difficult to voice, we’d smoke to ease the tension. Of course, this wasn’t how we always communicated. Despite his nervous stuttering, he was easy to open up to. Stan provided a sort of security in my life. He was never going to leave me and that put me at ease when hanging out with him, which we did regularly. I don’t know when exactly I developed a crush on him, but I never wanted it to surface in our bond. He was to never know. It was just a stupid crush, right? He was a guy who wasn’t family and was so unbelievably caring towards me. It was bound to happen, but that didn’t mean he had to be aware of it. Though, it was a little hard to keep such a secret when we’d both made out twice already. The first time was while I was dating Ricky, the kiss was very awkward and ended after about a minute and a half. The second kiss was just half a week after my breakup. That time, we’d both known what we were doing. And I may be a little biased, but you couldn’t have even thought to fake the passion in that makeout session. We never talked about either of those kisses and remained friends both times. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bother me that we didn’t become anything more afterwards. It was for the best, though, because two weeks before spring break, my dad returned from his job in Georgia and moved me to Kansas again. The move was so abrupt that I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to anyone besides my family.

My life in Kansas for the second time was something I’d never want to experience ever again. Since it was a little late in the year, I finished junior year online. For some unexplained reason, my dad had us get new phones and new numbers, so I lost all contact with my friends. I had no one to talk to and it wasn’t like my dad paid much attention to me. I remember spending every waking moment with him when I was younger, talking or playing games or watching television. It used to be so fun being his daughter, but when we moved back to Kansas, I just felt like this huge burden in his life. Our relationship was strained and he clearly had other priorities in his life. Like whatever he left back in Georgia. I’d see his phone ring and the same number from that state would pop up before he’d leave the room and privately talk with whoever. It wasn’t the secrecy that was off-putting to me, it was the fact that it was so much more important to him. Once again, I was ignored by the one person in my life I wanted to spend the most time with. So, you can imagine the joy I felt when Dad had to go back to Georgia for work. I had been attending public school for my senior year and left not even a full month in. It didn’t bother me, I had no friends and nothing to leave behind. Mid-September was when I moved back to Brownsville with Aunt Pam. Everyone accepted me right back in. Especially my classmates. As I walked the halls I heard whispers like,

“Oh, my god, is that Zip?”

“Zip’s back! Where’d she even go?”

“I thought she died.”

The only person I really wanted to notice me was Stan. I missed him so much, I even got into his favorite band to have something to remember him by. I remember the day I got back to my aunt’s house. Jacob had picked me up from the airport and was driving me to the house. He was attending community college, but was still living with his parents. As we drove, he tapped his index fingers rhythmically to the shitty pop music that played on the radio. “So, what are you excited about for senior year?”

“Not much, I just missed Dina and Stan. Theatre, too. I wonder how they’ve been doing without me.” I chuckled. Jacob huffed in amusement.

“But you didn’t miss Ricky?”

“Fuck, Jake, you know I didn’t miss him for a second.” I frowned, waving my hand in dismissal. My cousin tauntingly laughed at me. Had he actually known about what happened between Ricky and I, he wouldn’t have teased me. In fact, Ricky wouldn’t even be alive that day if Jacob found out. No one knew about the incident, not even Stan.

Pulling up in front of the house, we got out of the car and headed to the trunk to pull out my bags. I tried carrying them in, but Jacob insisted that he do all the heavy lifting and simply asked me to carry my backpack and close the trunk. I did what little I was asked of and headed to the front door to greet my aunt and uncle inside, but stopped. In the corner of my eye, I saw movement from the Barber residence. Turning, my eyes locked on Stanley, who was frozen beside his car. He was wearing his work uniform and staring at me with the most bewildered expression on his face. It was like he thought himself to be hallucinating my existence. Smiling, I simply waved at him before walking back inside. When he got home from work that night, he headed over to my house and knocked on the door. I answered with a grin on my face. “Stan!”

“If it isn’t the famous Zip, showing back up in my life.”

“Ugh, do not call me that.” I rolled my eyes playfully before bringing him into a hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his chin at the top of my head. I would’ve stayed there all night if I could’ve. When Stanley pulled away, my heart hollowed and a pit formed within my stomach. I felt unfinished, unbalanced. And I hate imbalance. He asked if I wanted to hang out and I accepted his offer. All we did was lay on his floor, listen to music and get high, but in that moment, that’s all I needed.

Bloodwitch, a joint, and Stan laying by my side.

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Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @sapphicsyn @stqnley @lonely-kermit

#i am not okay with this #ianowt #stanley barber #stanley barber x reader #wyatt oleff #wyatt oleff x reader #i am not okay with this x reader #ianowt x reader #ianowt fanfic #ianowt stanley barber #forever and never

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lucky-dreamfisher · 4 years ago

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The Illusion of Living Notes and Spoilers

I feel like enough time has passed for everyone who wanted to get the audiobook to get it, so here are all the notes I made while reading the book.

Please do NOT show these spoilers to anyone who didn’t give their explicit permission to be spoiled! And do not try to sneaky-spoil while being vague and pretending you’re not spoiling either!

TIOL was written in 1941 and published in 1942

Joey’s biggest dream is to become a God

Joey is explicitly not straight (reaffirms his distaste for dating women multiple times in the book, purposely avoids intimate gestures when meeting female friends, and reacts negatively to a straight couple kissing in his presence) but can be interpreted as either gay or asexual, and there’s evidence supporting both of these interpretations

Joey doesn’t think of people as real. He thinks of them as fictional characters in a show (well, he isn’t wrong)

He witnessed a murder at 10, but isn’t bothered by it, because everyone’s fictional anyway (watsonian perspective: little sociopath, doylist perspective: smartest character in the franchise). It was on that day that he started thinking of people as characters in a play, including his own parents.

He likes to throw peanuts in the faces of vaudeville performers he doesn’t like. Very proud of his aim

Joey’s dad sends him a pair of boots every year as a gift. Joey throws them out and buys himself better ones

Though it’s implied that the stories he tells about his parents aren’t true

While in the army, he was bullied for liking girl stuff, like reading romance novels and genre fiction

Nathan and Joey are very close. Nathan often gives him business advice and knows some of his secrets. Nathan looks down on artistic-type people. Joey is the only artistic-type person he admires, mostly for being business-oriented. Nathan is all about money.

Nathan wears a suit, has perfectly slicked back hair, and an elegant mustache. Smokes Cigars. Calls himself Nate

Nathan says that Lottie (the girl from the preview) isn’t real. It’s implied that there are more made-up people in the book. The epilogue implies that Joey intends to bring the made-up people to life one day, just like the cartoons

After leaving the army, and before starting an animation studio, he worked at a bookstore together with Henry for a few years

He took late-night art classes together with Miss Lambert

Bendy was named after Joey’s friend, who murdered a man to take a photo of his dying face for an award show. Joey finds it inspiring. In his words: "Thank god for dark paths, they lead all great artists to their greatest creations". Joey also likes the name Bendy, because it means someone who bends the rules

Nathan says that Joey had a genuine change of heart in his old age, and had “too much guilt and worry”. Nathan is not pleased with that

Abby Lambert is one of Joey’s oldest friends, and the one who introduced him to Henry. She and Joey used to perform vaudeville acts together. Joey played a Devil and Abby played an Angel

It’s implied that Henry created the Butcher Gang, and they were some of his oldest characters, even older than Bendy, Boris, and Alice

Henry left a year after the studio’s creation because he wanted “something that isn’t Bendy” (it’s either that he felt like his creativity was being stifled by being forced to work on the same project all the time, or that he wanted a real family, as opposed to the “studio family” that Joey was satisfied with)

Joey disses Henry a lot in the book. He paints him as untalented, unimaginative, boring, and a poor dresser on top of that. Nathan thinks that pretending to not care about Henry is Joey’s “greatest illusion”

Nathan hates Henry and thinks that Joey’s going too easy on him (if BATDR is Nathan’s world, Henry’s gonna be screwed)

Sammy used to play music at a movie theatre when he was a teen and Joey came to watch his performance every day

They met again a few years later and Sammy recognized him. Joey hired him and Jack on the same day

Sammy smokes

Sammy and Jack performed jazz songs at vaudeville together for some time before working at JDS

Jack gets upset when people ignore him and only pay attention to Sammy. He loves being the center of attention, and has a knack for showmanship. Very optimistic and good natured

Sammy was hired a year after Henry’s departure and has never met him (curious, given that he recognizes Henry in the game) Not true - turns out Sammy was hired in October 1930, so he still could’ve met Henry

As part of his deal with Joey, Sammy has full creative control over his department and people he’s working with (did Sammy replace Susie?)

Sammy hates being at the center of attention and is always very serious. Making jokes comes hard for him, but he plays along sometimes. His expression is very hard to read and he always seems suspicious of people he’s talking with. He’s dressed very neatly and appropriately (unlike Jack, who wears bright and flashy clothes), his hair is long and not slicked back. He’s a few years younger than Joey, but acts much older

Joey thinks that Sammy is his best decision and the man who comes closest to fully understanding him. He takes pride in the fact that Sammy sticks by him for all these years out of his own will, and not because Joey makes him. He thinks Sammy is a genius and deserves to be worshipped like a god (he doesn’t hesitate to tell him that). Asked him once whether there’s anyone Sammy worships, and it’s painfully obvious that he wanted to hear that it’s him (Sammy replied that a god of this magnitude hasn’t been invented yet, which is a nice foreshadowing)

Allison is already working at the studio at the time of TIOL. Before that, she was a Broadway actress. Joey likes to watch her recording sessions. It’s not confirmed which character she’s voicing, but Susie wasn’t mentioned anywhere in the book, so there’s a possibility that Allison was already voicing Alice Angel in 1941

Joey’s meetings with Jack Fain and Grant are just an excuse to have a coffee and chat with them

On his first meeting with Bertrum Joey got drunk and flirty with him. Bertrum told him he’s “not that kind of date” and Joey played dumb (the scene is played for laughs though, so idk if it’s supposed to be seriosuly indicative of Joey’s sexuality)

Bertrum returned from retirement to work on Bendyland

Disney exists in this universe, Joey wishes he could be able to achieve the same with Bendy

Nathan wants to prove “very soon” that he is limitless

The moving ink was developed as part of the Sillyvision film process at some point around 1941. The purpose of Sillyvision was to make corrections to images that have already been created, without having to redraw them from scratch. The ink is activated through contact with a special paper

Joey describes Bendyland’s conception, and the Dark Land sounds eerily similar to the studio world in BATIM & BATDR

Light Land is Alice’s Domain, and as the name suggests it will have many lights. It’s designed to create an illusion of being lifted up

Tiny Land is Boris’ Domain and it gives an illusion of getting shrunk

Big Land is Butcher Gang’s Domain and has giant airplanes and battleships

Joey hates the real world and wants to escape to a make-believe one. He was hoping Bendyland would be that for him. His greatest fear is being unable to create that perfect world, and creating only its dark reflection (ironic)

Joey feels like he won’t be able to truly die and rest his soul until his dream fully comes to life. He calls art his “doorway into immortality” (is Dapper Joey?)

Joey believes a soul is needed to make a lifeless artistic imitation of the world into a real breathing world. He says that he’s been looking for a soul for a long time (he means it metaphorically, but it feels like a foreshadowing)

#Bendy and the Ink Machine #batim #bendy and the dark revival #batdr #bendy: the illusion of living #dreamfisher certified

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sevenkittensinatrenchcoat · 3 years ago

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Korean Character Bios

I posted before about some characters bios from the 2008 South Korea Tour. I tried to translate the bios for the named swings with mixed results.

Well, it turns out that I’d completely failed to notice that Google Translate actually has a Korean keyboard that let me type more letters than other online keyboards did, and I was able to get some slightly better translations this time. Also, I did all of them. I’ve Google Translated all the character bios.

So, here they are:

Seductive Cat / Grizabella

She was a member of the Jellicles as a seductive, pure, curious cat, but she left the Jellicle society to experience a bigger and wider world. Now, marginalized for her shabby appearance, she returns to the Jellicle society to become a Jellicle member again.

(Notes: It appears that the word “seductive” is used to mean “glamorous”.)

Rebellious Cat / Rum Tum Tugger

A member of the Jellicles, he’s a cat who does only what he wants to do and has a clear sense of self. He likes to receive attention and is charismatic just by being himself, so he is the most popular with female cats.

Prophet Cat / Old Deuteronomy

As the eldest ancestral cat of the Jellicles, he is intelligent, wise, respected, and loved. Every year at the Jellicle Ball, a cat is selected and sent to the Heaviside Layer to become a new Jellicle cat.

(Notes: “ball” was actually “festival”, but I shifted terminology to match. Also, is Old D the ancestor of all Jellicles?)

Leader Cat / Munkustrap

A young and responsible leader cat who protects and takes care of the Jellicle Tribe. the Jellicle Cats trust and follow him as a leader.

Theatre Cat / Gus

After Old Deuteronomy, he is the oldest and has been a Jellicle member for many years. He was a famous actor when he was young, but now he is suffering from a serious illness.

Wealthy Cat / Bustopher Jones:

Although not a member of the Jellicles, he is an aristocratic cat who is always welcomed. In his spare time, he likes to play golf and enjoy lavish meals.

(Notes: So Bustopher isn’t a Jellicle? I’m still not sure what defines a Jellicle in this version.)

Kind Cat / Jellylorum:

She is a middle-aged, kind-hearted cat who always takes care of old Gus and the kittens.

Thief Cat Couple / Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer:

A playful and clever couple of thief cats who are always causing trouble together.

(Notes: The word for “thief” sometimes translated as “stray” but only when applied to the word “cat”, so I’m guessing the Korean term for “stray cat” might be “thief cat”. But, Jerrie and Teazer are clearly not strays in their number’s lyrics, so I used the translation that applied to them. Also, the word “couple” translated as “pair” sometimes, so this isn’t confirming a romantic pairing, but they could’ve been playing it that way anyway, for all I know, so take that how you will.)

Train Cat / Skimbleshanks:

As a train conductor, he is an orderly cat who takes on all the responsibilities of the train. An uncle to all cats, kittens love to hear his stories as a storyteller.

Magician Cat / Mr. Mistoffelees:

The best magician, though he can’t speak. He can even make things disappear. As a great magician, he rescues the kidnapped Old Deuteronomy.

(Notes: “Magician” can also translate as “wizard” or “sorcerer”. This Misto is mute, which makes sense for a production from this region and era. Outside of Japan, east Asian productions are usually based on Australian ones, which is where the named swings come from. Although the first Australian productions had Misto sing, they later made him mute, only to switch back more recently. 2008 was during the mute era.)

Sensual Cat / Bombalurina:

She is a very sensual and sexy cat, popular with male cats who pay attention to her sexual desires. As Demeter’s older sister, she always protects her.

(Notes: I think “older sister” might not be literal. She might just be a sort of “older sister figure”. It’s not clear.)

Sensitive Cat / Demeter:

Because of Macavity, she is anxious and nervous about everything. She is also at risk of being kidnapped by Macavity. If she shows any signs of anxiety, it’s always a sign that Macavity is nearby.

(Notes: So, she’s always anxious, because of Macavity, but if she’s anxious, which is all the time, Macavity’s nearby. Is Macavity nearby all the time? This one is weird.)

Siamese Cat / Cassandra:

Possesses a strange beauty. As the only hairless Siamese cat, she always behaves arrogantly.

(Notes: Despite the better keyboard, this one wouldn’t translate properly, so there’s some stuff missing. This is the general idea of what I think was being said. I wonder how having a Siamese cat in the cast affected Growltiger.)

Gumbie Cat / Jennyanydots:

During the daytime, she sits all the time and seems lazy, but at night she’s actually a busy cat who educates bugs and mice.

White Cat / Victoria:

She is the purest, most innocent cat. This Jellicle Ball is her first, but she presents a beautiful dance.

Philosophical Cat / Plato:

A cat who doesn’t move much, so he looks lazy, but he reads a lot and is always careful with his actions.

(Notes: I thought this characterization was weird until I realized that he’s “philosophical” because he’s Plato. He’s literally named after a philosopher. Since Australia-based productions at this time where Broadway-based, Broadway inspirted Australia inspired South Korea, Plato is just Macavity’s double and doesn’t have much to really do, so I guess they decided to have a bit of fun with the character.)

Villain Cat / Macavity:

The mob boss of the feline world. Kidnapped Old Deuteronomy as the villain who commits evil deeds.

Just Cat / Alonzo:

A masculine cat who is always dignified and protects young cats, even in inconspicuous places. He rescues Demeter from Macavity. They spend their lives together.

(Notes: More Broadway-based stuff. It seems like Broadway-based Alonzos are the superheroes of the Cats world.)

Copy Cat / Pouncival:

A boy who wants to be a man. He follows Skimble around.

(Notes: His title more literally means “mimicking cat”, but how could I not translate it this way? Anyway, here’s another translation that wouldn’t cooperate with me. The first sentence ended up something like “a young male cat who wants to be worn by an adult male cat”. I couldn’t get it to make sense, so I guessed at what it was supposed to mean. He is Skimble’s copycat at that’s adorable.)

Curious Cat / Sillabub:

Victoria’s best friend, a curious, intelligent, and pure kitten. She helps Grizabella return to the Jellicles by singing ‘Memory’ together.

Twin Cats / Coricopat and Tantomile:

Mysterious twin cats who are not yet adults, but are still mature and have excellent cognitive skills. They always move together and do the same things.

(Notes: The twins are kittens/junior cats in this version, apparently.)

Teenage Cat / Tumblebrutus:

A teenage boy who wants to be a man. His actions take precedence over thoughts and words, and he gets a lot of guidance from Munkustrap, because he can’t read the room.

(Notes: Very much a Broadway characterization. His first sentence was nearly the same as Pouncival’s. “read the room” was more literally “interpret the atmosphere”, but I thought this sounded more natural. Also, Munkustrap Adopts Kittens With Poor Social Skills.)

And now, named swings:

Stubborn Cat / Victor:

He is more stubborn than any other cat and has a temperamental personality.

Meditating Cat / Olivia:

She is a deep thinker with a determined personality.

Gentleman Cat / Admetus:

An internally strong, generous, and gentle cat with a masculine appearance.

(Notes: Admetus has a personality closer to your average Broadway-based Plato than Plato does.)

Loner Cat / Quaxo:

He’s a solitary cat with a strong sense of pride and arrogance, so he doesn’t fit in well with those around him.

Busy Cat / Electra:

She likes to be involved, so she’s always busy and distracted.

Bragging Cat / George:

Has a tendency to show off what he has.

(Notes: This one, just like the last time, broke down completely. It ended up saying “He has a tendency to show off what he has, rather than what he has”.)

Attentive Cat / Jemima:

She’s attentive in everything and always acts responsibly.

Emotional Cat / Etcetera:

She’s a cat who fits in everywhere and has emotions that take precedence over her head.

Emotional!

That’s all of them.

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anxiouslyfred · 3 years ago

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Piano Time

For @dukexietyweek‘s prompt Music

Summary: Virgil struggled to stop yelling to be heard when he was first accepted and now he can see Remus going through the same thing. Perhaps sharing his method to find some quiet time will help.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any, let me know if I need to add something.

/\/\

Fighting to get heard and the focus on you was exhausting. Virgil had hated the days when just getting Thomas to consider the consequences of his actions was a battle against Patton, Logan and Roman. Those were the weeks when he finally realised what Janus meant when he claimed that not everything had to be a rock concert, although Jazz was just as bad for getting attention and energy when it was well done.

Not that he could actually admit that. The known sides would have been beyond suspicious if Virgil had stopped yelling with anything less than the acceptance arc he was put through and going back to Janus after everything? Well that wasn't something he was willing to do.

Instead Janus came to him and seemed to cause more breakdowns in his attempts to get accepted than any side had thought possible. Thomas really struggled with realigning his self-image to include the capacity to lie or trick overs purely for his own gains occasionally. Remus coming up front was probably just one more thing that Thomas felt like he had to acknowledge if he was going to accept being selfish sometimes.

Except now Virgil was watching another side go through the same exhaustion he'd had to suppress and hide for months before his attempt to duck out. Remus wasn't being given a chance to just slow down or stop yelling when with the other sides and Virgil started to wonder how much of the grins were Remus's version of flinching.

While going through it alone Virgil had relied on his headphones, on slow songs, almost meditative music, to soothe the screams for silence that ran through his mind. He hadn't truly cared if someone found out, but getting Remus to pause and slow down meant he probably should.

After all, how to you get the frantic energy of pure honesty and creativity combined to listen to peaceful piano tunes, than by acting like it's a dirty secret you'd get scorned if it was discovered? Plenty of other things Virgil had actually done everything he could to hide had been discovered by Remus for just that reason and now it was going to work to help.

/VR\

Coming into his room after a week of being suspicious of anyone getting too close to him when wearing headphones on, Virgil finally breathed a sigh of relief to see Remus messing about with them.

“What's so bad about classical music, Tarantuling?” The question just got him grinning, climbing onto the bed beside Remus.

Only once there did he take the headphones back, momentarily checking the track playing to play it from his speakers instead. “Nothing, but how else to get you to take a break from screaming and listen to something quieter for a bit?”

“An invitation would work. Could've used a ribbon round a fly to get me here.” Remus shrugged, easily moving into the touch of Virgil leaning against him.

Virgil snorted, shaking his head already. “Might've got you here, but here and willing to just let the piano play without searching for something to remind me that you're the big powerful Duke full of gross or horrifying nightmares that Thomas could be sharing with his friends. Yeah, I know what it's like to be unable to stop yelling for attention and you wouldn't have paused just cause I wanted you here.”

“You think this music helps? Sounds like some hokey logical nonsense.” Remus scoffed, shoving carelessly at the phone, not enough to knock it off the bed though.

“Either it does, or being beside me makes you stop frantically searching for the next thing to get attention using. Gives us a break from the others either way.” He didn't get a response to that point, just an arm around his shoulders and a smile.

/RV\

It was Remus who next got them to listen to slow music together.

He didn't do an invitation either, just grabbed Virgil halfway through a lecture from Logan about the importance of consistent video posting. “That's great, I think Roman's in the imagination's theatre if you want to talk about more unrealistic goals, but Virgil and I had better be going to battle with the marshmallow man.”

Virgil snickered at the stunned look he got for just letting himself be thrown of Remus's shoulder and carried away without a fight. They'd both been getting louder recently though, trying to make sure their voices were heard and at a minimum considered among the tumult of the other sides.

“Piano time?” He asked once they were in Remus's room, getting a rapid nod that shook through Remus and the bed he'd put them both on.

Remus hadn't questioned or even tried to challenge if it was cuddling or the calmer music that had helped him relax from the clammer for attention. He just new the 2 combined had helped and was going to take advantage unless Virgil tried to fight it.

Being pulled down and against Virgil's chest showed that wasn't going to happen though and all too soon they had the music playing too.

/VR\

“You know you can just say you have a date to get to, no need to kidnap each other when you want to disappear off with Remus.” Roman commented, a month or more after the first time Virgil and Remus sat listening to music together.

They'd started dragging each other to calm down a lot recently, realising that together they could get each other heard more without screaming or drastic suggestions but still wanting the time to be quiet in their lives.

Virgil just blinked at him for a moment, before poking the shoulder he wasn't currently thrown over. Remus had frozen at the words too, and with a twist to see his expression it seemed like he hadn't realised they were basically dating yet either.

“Well this was just us trying to escape to calm down without needing attention for a bit, but you're right. It sounds a lot more fun to say I get kidnapped for dates than anything else.” He turned back to Roman, unsurprised when he was suddenly bouncing in the hold, although the switch to being in a bridal carry was a bit bizarre.

“I don't carry loved ones like sacks of meat. Come on, fallen angel, we've got a concert to listen to.” Remus twitched his moustache with a grin. No plans changed, just the name they gave to their relationship, and they were soon shut up in Virgil's room with music washing over them.

#dukexiety #dukexietyweek2021 #remus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders

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ashtcnirwin · 3 years ago

Photo

It’s no secret that @daydadahlias‘ Scene 14 is my favourite 5sos fic. There are many reasons for that, and one of said reasons is that it’s absolutely hilarious, so here are my top 10 funny moments from Scene 14. It was SO hard to pick only ten, there are many more moments that could’ve been on the list, but... trying to keep it a little conscise at least. (Most of them are NSFW ‘cause the fic is the way it is.) (Also, three of them are from chapter 9, so that’s interesting.)

(I know Luke and Ashton are 20 and 22 in the story, but for some reason, I picture the 2017 versions of them when I read it, not the 2016 versions of them, hence the pics I chose for the moodboard.)

10. Chapter 2. Calum’s entire introduction scene is hilarious to me, but what really makes me lose it is this little exchange between Luke and Ashton after Calum leaves.

“Yeah, I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s a charming slut, but a slut nonetheless.” Ashton makes himself laugh as he goes through his DVDs. “He spent the first few months of our friendship trying to convince me to fuck him.”

Luke walks closer to the coffee table, still fiddling with his sleeve. “And?”

“And I fucked him.”

9. Chapter 9. The whole gang is at a bar, and Ashton (jokingly) tells Calum to give a lap dance.

“God, if only we were though,” Ashton jokes to Sierra. He points to the end of the table. “Go on, Cal, use your secret attack ‘Lap Dance.’”

Calum instantly starts to stand from his chair and the entire table clambers over themselves to tell him to sit down first. It’s KayKay who physically grabs him by the shoulder to manhandle him back into his seat as he protests, “He said ‘go.’ I follow orders.”

8. Chapter 5. Luke and Ashton are making out on the couch in Ashton and Calum’s dorm, planning on having Calum walk in on them, which he does. This is a really short excerpt, but the deadpan way that I imagine Calum delivers his five syllable line in is just too fucking funny.

Calum collects the information with a nod, eyeing Luke up and down. He says, pointing his beer at him, “You’ve got a boner.”

7. Chapter 8. The day after Luke straight up asks Ashton to fuck him (and Ashton says no), Luke’s having a shower. His thoughts start to wander and his body reacts accordingly. The visual of Luke fully just standing there, whisper-yelling at his dick for chubbing up, is absolutely hilarious to me.

Fuck, he’s getting hard just thinking about it.

“Stop it,” he hisses to his dick. “Please, fucking stop.”

It’s as he is berating his dick for doing its naturally given job that he hears the bathroom door swing open and he lets out a sound of pain, pressing his fingers into his eye sockets.

6. Chapter 1. Luke is in his first Scene Study and Technique class, and the teacher says that partner chemistry is something they’ll focus a lot on over the next few months, and Luke kinda just:

Awesome. Luke is good with people. Okay… He’s good with Michael, at least, that’s something.

Fuck. He needs to learn how to be good with people.

He starts jotting notes. Learn how to be good with people.

5. Chapter 9. Luke and Michael are out grocery shopping, and Michael decides to start picking up vegetables to ask Luke which one resembles Ashton’s dick the most. Luke is entirely unamused, until he sorta isn’t.

Luke almost tells him off again, only to pause at the sight of it and he tilts his head to the side because, huh, it’s not actually that off. Granted, it is a vegetable and Ashton’s dick isn’t fucking green but as far as sizes go, it’s not—

“Are you serious?” Michael announces loudly, eyebrows shooting to his hairline. He snaps his eyes down to the zucchini, holding it in both his hands more seriously now as if measuring it with his palms. Astonishment is rolling off of him in waves. “There’s no fucking way. You actually let him shove this up your a—”

“Stop comparing my boyfriend’s dick to vegetables,” Luke snaps shrilly, snatching the zucchini out of his hands and shoving it back into its designated pile.

“Gay men are so brave,” Michael says dramatically and Luke slaps him on the arm.

4. Chapter 7. Calum in general delights me to no end, and so does his and Roy’s “relationship”. The first time I read this particular exchange, I stg I choked on my own spit.

“You’d be a great stripper, beau coq. You’ve got the ass for it,” Roy agrees, tweaking the skin of Calum’s hip again.

Luke frowns at the word, repeating, “‘Beau coq’? What’s that mean?”

“It’s French for ‘good cock,’” Ashton returns easily as if it should be common knowledge.

3. Chapter 4. Luke comes back to his and Michael’s dorm after Ashton’s given him a hickey (for show). The hickey is, apparently, borderline terrifying, teeth marks and all, and once Michael, Sierra and Crystal see it, a fuckton of questions are thrown at Luke, until Michael decides he’s had it.

“No!” Michael has his hands plastered over his ears, rapidly shaking his head and letting out a long screeching sound. “I’ve heard too much about Luke’s sex life tonight. I’ve already pictured him getting rawed by some stupid theatre bitch reciting Shakespeare while pounding him, saying shit like ‘ah your ass is as tight as tulip buds in the winter;’ I don’t need—”

2. Chapter 9. They’re having sex, Luke is riding Ashton, and Ashton is trying to have an ultimately unimportant conversation, and Luke takes a bit of offense at having his dick riding efforts ignored (understandably enough).

“Why are you trying to have a normal conversation right now?” Luke pants in disbelief, sweat perspiring on his hairline as he slows his hips to make circular motions against Ashton’s pelvis. “Do you not see that I’m trying to do something here?”

1. Chapter 3. They’re discussing their imaginary sex life to ensure they’re prepared for it if/when their friends start asking questions. Luke finds the whole idea of inventing a sex life for himself kinda depressing while Ashton sees it differently.

Ashton gets a huffing laugh out of that. “Take it this way, you can make yourself as good in bed as you want. And, if you want me to, I’ll tell the whole campus it’s eight inches.”

“Yeah, because people will believe that.” Luke looks up at him through his hand, smiling at the joke. “What’re you?”

“Huh?” Ashton blinks. “How long is—?”

#i'm fucking crying #i spent almost two hours making this post #then it just....erased itself when i went to post it #so i had to start all over again #ANYWAY #not sure what to tag this with #fic talk #jess #moodboard #anna edits

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mae-gi-writes · 4 years ago

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Last Minute Love | Eric (The Boyz)

Requested by anon! It’s only on the eve of Eric’s departure that you realize you have feelings for him.

genre: friends to lovers au, fluff

-----

It was somewhat of a miracle that you'd managed to catch Eric just before his flight to Los Angeles. With his busy schedule going back and forth between places, he had accustomed himself to life on the road, to a home that moved each and every single time depending on which country he was touring.

And seeing him happy had never made you happier.

When he'd called you up a few weeks ago to announce - in his flurry of excitement - that he was finally visiting home, you couldn't help the squeal that fell out of your mouth, excitement bubbling up from your throat as your mind races to the countless amount of time you'e have to spend with him. A few special days that you'd hold on to in his absence.

The weeks had flown. It was impossible to discern where the time had gone, but every day since Eric's arrival had been complete bliss. Small trips to the bubble tea shop by the corner, chatting too loudly in the movie theatre, pillow fights amidst video game competitions... you had appreciated them all and yet, it didn't feel enough. It never felt enough where Eric was concerned.

Needless to say, the eve of his departure had done nothing to mend the slow tear of stitches holding your heart together. As you sat together with your group of friends on the beach where you had built a small campfire, your shoulders gently brushing Eric's every time he moved, you were greatly aware of the incessant tingling up and down your arms and his scent -- a mixture of freshly washed sheets tinged with a sweeter indescribable smell -- that wrapped around you like a comforting embrace. It was one that you'd miss dearly once he was gone and almost out of instinct, you couldn't help yourself from snuggling a little closer.

He probably felt your inner turmoil, for he laid a hand behind your back, leaning into you so that his chest pressed against your shoulder blade. You pinked, hoping that the darkness wouldn't give way to the rush of heat spreading across your cheeks, before you felt the softest caress down your backside.

In truth, Eric had been a little flirtier than usual this time. His teasing had been a little more playful, his grin a little more charming, the look in his eyes filled with a tenderness that wasn't there before. Though you were confused at his intentions, you had allowed yourself to ease into the banter, flirting back and forth until it was clear that there was something between you two.

"Do you know when's your next break?" One of your friends asked as he tipped back his beer.

Eric shook his head, "can't say. I'll be completely swamped with promotions and prepping our comeback when I return."

"Don't forget us once you make a name for yourself," another friend joked.

"I might if you keep pestering me to hook you up with celebrities," Eric shoots back with a grin.

"Seriously Ryan, you gotta play within your own league..."

You couldn't, for the life of you, focus as the conversation moved away to another topic, suddenly overwhelmed by a clog of emotion in your throat. Not knowing when you'll see Eric next was a thought that made something in your heart squeeze in pain.

"Y/N?" Eric's soft alto brought you out of your bubble, fluttering your eyes up to meet his, "you okay?"

"Fine," you muttered and looked down so that you could blink away the tears rapidly accumulating at the corner of your eyes.

His hand, warm and big and soothing, rubbed at your back comfortingly.

Clamping your teeth down onto your lower lip, you only nestled a little closer to him in response. He shifted then, turning his head until his lips brushed against your temple as goosebumps ran along your arms at his touch. It wasn't a kiss per se, just a tentative brush or skin against skin. You shivered though, not used to Eric being so affectionate.

Maybe it was something to do with the night itself, you somehow felt a little more comfortable to show him that you were going to miss him deeply.

"I'm going to miss you," your words were softer than a whisper itself. You were surprised that they reached Eric's ears, who curled his arm around your waist to hug you close.

"I'm never too far," he mumbled against your temple, before leaning away slightly to catch your gaze, "you know that, right?"

"It's not the same."

"I know," and then he tugged you closer still, not caring about the curious eyes following his every move, the diminishing distance between your bodies that would probably entice a few rounds of mischievous comments the day after.

The walk back to your house had been different. It had felt different, even when you were usually so comfortable in his presence. His hand would keep brushing against yours as you chatted quietly into the night, until his fingers finally laced themselves with yours before squeezing softly, a tender reminder that he was still here, right now at this very moment.

Your head tilted up towards his, a silent question swimming in your dark pupils that he answered with a question of his own as he held your gaze with an intensity that rendered you weak at the knees.

"What time's your flight tomorrow?" You asked once you had reached your front door.

Eric's eyes were darker than night, the moon dancing across the planes of his face as he murmured, "seven in the evening."

"I'll be there."

"You better," he chuckled while playing with your fingers. Silence enveloped you soon after, broken only by the hum of cicadas and the gentle howl of a cooling breeze.

"So, I guess that's my cue to go to bed," you tried joking, except that your chuckles came out empty, almost like someone had just gutted you in the stomach.

"Y/N, I--" Eric's hand suddenly latched onto your wrist, pulling you into him and gazing at you with soft orbs, "I'm glad we got to hang out a lot."

"Me too," a smile graces your face, "me too, Eric."

"I wish I could've stayed longer."

"Then stay," you stepped closer to him.

Eric laughed, breaths intermingling as he dipped his head to gaze at you, "I wish."

Though you weren't sure who moved first, no sooner were you thinking of ways to make this last longer that his arms had already woven around your middle, caging you in a hug that you didn't hesitate to reciprocate for fear that he might just disappear at any given moment. His nose brushed along your cheek and as you tilted your head upwards, your breath stilled at the closeness between your bodies, time stopping on its axis as you spared a glance at his lips before quickly flitting your eyes back up to his face.

You wondered briefly what it would feel like, to kiss him.

But as far as friendship went, your cowardliness had made you retract from his hold with a promise that you'd see him off tomorrow at the edge of your mouth. Regret sat in the pit of your stomach as scenarios vividly haunted your mind that night, but you did your best to bat them away as you knew that it wouldn't bring you anything to dwell on what hadn’t happened.

"Got everything?" You asked once you'd arrived at the security gates, eyes scanning his belongings one last time so as to ignore the quench of tension in your abdomen.

"Think so," Eric threw you a small smile and your insides tingled. A knot formed in your stomach.

Your other friends were already taking turns bidding him a goodbye, hugs and laughter being shared as they made Eric promise to come back as soon as he possibly could. And then it was your turn, the moment that you'd claimed to be mentally prepared for no matter what happened.

As Eric turned to you, your friends backed away to give you some privacy after sending you mischievous smirks, and it reassured you that they understood the inner turmoil bubbling in your stomach even when you were bound to get an earful from them as soon as you'd leave the airport.

"Well, I guess this is it," Eric's words were enough to bring tears to the corner of your eyes. You looked away, fisting your hands on your shirt to grasp for some kind of emotional restraint.

He probably saw it, for his face softened. He reached for your arm, "come here."

And you did. You allowed yourself to get a whiff of him and allowed yourself to feel his warmth, his heartbeat against yours one last time while tears gently fell down your cheeks and stained his shirt wet.

"Keep in touch, okay?" Your words came out choked, lips trembling when you tilted your face up to look at him while trying to trace his features into memory.

He nodded and leaned down to press the softest of kisses on your cheek. Your heart stuttered, your body reacting on its own as you returned the kiss to his cheek but only reaching his jaw.

Eric's inhale was poignant. A few beats of silence passed as your gazes locked. His hand unconsciously reached up to cup your cheek, thumb tracing over your lower lip.

Swallowing hard, you were about to break away before it got too intimate when he dipped his head so that his mouth was a hair's distance away from yours.

Time stopped. Warm chocolate met dark maroon. You bit onto your lower lip, heard Eric swallow.

Oh fuck it, your mind screamed.

Your body closed the distance between your lips to kiss him fully on the mouth.

It was short, a mere peck, and when you pulled away Eric didn't waste time to press a hand to your back to tug you in once more. His mouth pressed another kiss and almost instantly you turned as pliant as a leaf in his arms, lips moving against his as though it was the most natural thing to do with someone you had never even considered more than a friend.

Only when you parted did he allow himself to murmur out a soft, "wow."

A soft trickle of laughter erupted from your chest despite the serious situation, "what?"

He answered by cupping your cheeks, pulling you in for another kiss that caused butterflies to flutter through your stomach and tickle your heart with ecstasy.

"Wait for me?" He whispered against your mouth. His thumb traced patterns along your cheek. Yours bunched onto his shirt, desperate for this moment to last forever.

You dipped your head into a nod, "I will," you bit your lip, "if you'll come back to me."

"I'll always come back for you," Eric murmured before giving you one last final hug as another kiss imprinted on your forehead, a final goodbye with the promise that you would see more of him in the coming future.

You knew he'd come back. And one day, it would be for good.

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goodlookingforagirl · 3 years ago

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Oc-tober Day 7: Power

Roland shares his joy of acting and how it makes him feel powerful and in control. With more time, this could’ve been a more nuanced piece, but it was still really rewarding to write. And with that, I think all of my main oc’s have been introduced in Oc-tober already!

Thanks to @oc-growth-and-development for creating this list!

Day 7: Power

After a long sigh, Peter took off his reading glasses and laid his checkbook down on the table. “Roland,” he began, “if you really want to go to college in the fall, I can make it work. But I’m going to need your help.”

Roland didn’t want to be having this conversation. Life was stressful enough lately without talking about finances. Still, he patiently listened.

“I can’t take out another loan,” Peter explained, “not right now. But if I start working double-shifts on the weekends, and take a break from my bowling league, I can cover half of your tuition come September.” Just saying those words made Peter look like he’d aged five years. “And you’ll have to pull in more hours, too, to cover the other half. And that’s not even figuring in books, room and board, meal plans — ”

“What if I go to UMKC and just commute?” Roland asked, just a little bit hopeful. “That way, we can cut out a lot of those extra costs.”

“UMKC’s tuition is higher, so it’d figure around the same. And we don’t know if they would accept you.”

“I should’ve studied more, huh?” he half-joked.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Peter assured him. “You passed your classes, and you had a good time in school. College isn’t for everyone. You don’t even have a degree in mind, do you?”

“No,” Roland lied.

“Well, you think about it,” Peter said, even though it was already decided. This whole talk was just to make Roland feel like he had a choice.

Roland retreated to his bedroom, which used to be Randy’s too, but Randy had been in the clink since February. Funny how that’s not even my biggest worry right now, Roland thought to himself. His biggest worry was that he wanted to major in Theatre, but he knew his dad wouldn’t spend money on that. He loved acting, which was apparent from his many roles all throughout high school, but no one but him took it seriously. And maybe that was for good reason. What, did Roland really expect to graduate and become a famous actor?

Well...sort of. It wasn’t likely, but it was possible. And more than that, acting just made him happy. It made him feel like he had some control. In regular life, he was a little brother, a tag-along friend, the guy who always fell short of having enough. But as an actor, he could be anything.

He could still remember when he first got bit by the acting bug: it was in eighth-grade English class when he was asked to read a scene from Hamlet in front of all his classmates. Suddenly, he went from being his regular old self to being a prince, a mad man, and a genius all at once. He made his classmates laugh on certain lines, and that filled him with more satisfaction than he’d ever felt before. He was like a completely different person: he was powerful.

And since then, he’d played all sorts of characters. He was a cowboy in Oklahoma!, a member of the fae in A Midsummer’s Night Dream, and he was about to play a lovestruck tailor in his final high school production, Fiddler on the Roof. And as much fun as he had preparing, he worried that this might be his last role ever.

There’s always community theatre, his director told him, but that wasn’t the same. At college, he could spend his whole time studying and practicing and honing his craft. In the real world, he’d have to juggle a job and relationships full time, and then cram theatre into a few rushed nights a week, if he was lucky. Roland had been hoping to completely escape from his world when he graduated. He wanted to explore a different way of living, even if all it did was distract him for a few years. He needed a break.

Maybe he could pull in those extra hours, and maybe his dad really would give up his bowling league; it wasn’t likely, but it was possible. If nothing else, he had one really great role on the horizon, one where he even had a solo. Solos were the most powerful things in the world: you held the whole show in your hands, and everyone was waiting to see what you were going to do next. And you couldn’t fail on stage like you could in real life. When you’re on stage, you know exactly what to say and how to say it, and as long as you remember your lines, you can't go wrong. It was nothing like real life, where you could make an unlimited number of mistakes. On stage, everyone in the room loved you. There’s nothing more powerful than that.

#oc-tober #october #oc-tober 2 #oc-growth-and-development #roland #s

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hamiltonimagines · 4 years ago

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It’s Been a While

Pairing: Daveed x Reader

Request: “Hey girl! Can you do a Daveed imagine where you and Daveed used to be best friends in high school and y’all kept in touch a little after but once he joined Hamilton he stopped talking to you. You posted something about being excited to go see the show and Daveed sees it and he like brings you backstage to talk, but y’all get into a fight about who stopped talking to who and eventually you give up and leave and he shows up to your apartment and does something really cute! Thanks 🥰🥰🥰” - @roxanne2020

Word Count: 1.8k

I had never been more excited, I was going to see Hamilton tonight. I had gotten a text the other day from the one and only Lin-Manuel Miranda. He had told me that he was friends with Daveed and that Daveed had mentioned me and our past. Lin said that Daveed had brought up how he regretted that we lost contact. Lin gave me a ticket for the show tonight so that I could finally see Daveed after all these years.

Daveed had been my best friend in high school. We were the friends who told each other everything and we valued our friendship more than anything. We both went to different colleges and we started talking a lot less. Then he got cast in Hamilton and moved off to New York. We hadn’t spoken since besides a few texts on birthdays or holidays.

I wondered if Daveed would even want to talk to me. It had been so long and I was unsure if we could be friends again or if too much time had passed.

I had gotten ready for the show and took a picture in my outfit. I posted it to Instagram with the caption: Seeing Hamilton tonight, let’s see if it’s as amazing as everyone says it is.

I checked my hair in the mirror one last time and then left my apartment. Ironically, I had moved to New York after college. I always wondered if I would randomly run into Daveed in the street, it never happened though.

I got on the subway and checked my phone. I saw a new comment on my Instagram post. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was from Daveed. It said “Looking forward to seeing a familiar face in the audience”.

I felt my cheeks heat up a little and I felt a familiar warm feeling in my chest. With all this time apart, I may have developed the slightest crush on Daveed. I knew it was weird, especially since at one point he was my ride or die.

I eventually got to the theatre and I went in and found my seat. I got chills when the show started. Then Daveed walked on stage and it was like the world froze. It was then in that moment that I realized how much I had missed him.

The show ended and I was beyond blown away. My expectations had been high, but this surpassed any expectation I had. I didn’t think this show could truly be as good as everyone said it was, but they were all right. This show was phenomenal.

I was standing, along with the rest of the theatre, and applauding as the cast took their final bows. Daveed made eye contact with me as he walked off the stage and he froze for a second, as if it was too good to be true. His eyes lit up and he gave me a soft smile, before leaving the stage.

Then, a few minutes later, my phone started to ring. I saw Daveed’s name on my screen. I answered the phone with a smile on my face. “Hello there stranger” I said, giggling. “So you’re really here?” He asked. “Yeah, I am” I said. “Can you come backstage? I need to see you” he told me. “Anything for you” I told him, smiling.

He told me who to talk to and then he hung up. I found the person who worked for the theatre and told them what Daveed told me to say. The employee let me backstage.

I was in a hallway with a bunch of the cast and ensemble running up and down the halls. I was overwhelmed to say the least. How would I find Daveed? Then I saw a familiar face. I recognized Lin.

“Hey Y/N, you made it” he said, running over and giving me a hug. “Yeah, I wouldn’t miss it. The show was fantastic. If you don’t mind, can you tell me where I can find Daveed?” I asked him.

“Come on, I’ll bring you to his dressing room” he said, as he started walking down the hallway. I followed him, “I don’t know how you don’t get lost down here” I told him, honestly. “You have no idea how many times I got lost during the first few weeks of rehearsals” Lin said, laughing. Then we walked up to a door that said Daveed’s name on it.

Lin knocked on the door and I heard Daveeed say “come in”. Lin opened the door and stuck his head in. “Someone's here to see you Diggs” Lin told him. “Send her in please” Daveed said, knowing it was me.

“Have fun” Lin said to me, before he walked away. I carefully walked into his room and his eyes lit up when he saw me. He ran over and picked me up into his arms and spun me around.

He carefully placed me back on the ground. We both had the biggest smiles on our faces. It felt like no time had passed at all.

“It’s been a while, you look good Y/N” he told me, still smiling. “You too, so is the success treating you? You were amazing tonight by the way” I told him. “Oh thank you, I had to put on a great performance, I had someone important in the audience” he said.

He grabbed one of my hands and pulled me over to the couch. He sat down and I sat next to him. He grabbed my legs and put them across his lap. Daveed and I had spent many nights as teenagers in this position, talking for hours and watching movies.

“It’s been so long” I said, staring into his eyes. “I’ve really missed you” he said, grabbing my hand. “I’ve missed you too” I said, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“Y/N, why’d you ever stop talking to me?” He asked, seriously. “Are you kidding? You were the one who stopped talking to me. You moved to New York City and fame happened and you never reached back out to me. I was giving you time to adjust to the move and I figured you would call me when you settled in” I told him, so confused as to how he thought I ended our friendship.

I pulled my legs off his lap and stood up and walked to the other side of the room. “Yeah right Y/N. You never reached out to me either. And when you moved to New York a year later and you still didn’t reach out. Don’t try and pin this on me” Daveed argued.

“I can’t even listen to you anymore, you used to be my best friend and I told you everything. And one day you just started treating me like I didn’t exist and it broke my heart. Now, you’re sitting here and you can’t even take responsibility for what you did” I yelled. I walked out of the door and slammed it behind me.

I quickly started to walk down the hallway, I had tears welling up in my eyes. I ran into Lin and he looked confused. “Hey what’s wrong? What happened?” He asked me. “Thank you for being concerned, I just really have to get out of here” I told him. He nodded, understandingly. I rushed past him and eventually ended up out on the cold New York street.

I called a cab, not wanting to risk the subway at night time. I got in and told the driver my address. After a few minutes, we pulled up out my apartment complex. I thanked the driver and gave them a tip. I quickly rushed inside my apartment.

I changed into some sweatpants and a hoodie. I couldn’t believe that I actually thought Daveed and I could be friends again. I had been looking forward to things just feeling natural again. I made myself a cup of tea and curled up on my couch and looked out my window.

Then I heard a knock at the door. I put down my mug and walked to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw that it was Daveed.

I unlocked the door and opened it. Only then, did I realize what he was holding. He had a huge bouquet of flowers, a teddy bear, and my favorite candy bar. “Uh...hi” I said, shyly. “I brought you some stuff” he said, smiling.

“Isn’t this the same stuff you brought me when I got dumped by Harley Simmons?” I asked, only then remembering it. In high school, I dated our school’s star football player and he dumped me in front of the whole school and I was devastated. “It cheered you up then, so I hoped it could cheer you up now” he said, hopefully.

“Do you want to come in?” I asked him. He smiled at me and followed me inside. He set down the gifts on my coffee table. I sat down next to him on the couch.

“I am so sorry for how our conversation ended. I was being selfish and I didn’t look at things from your perspective. I never should of ignored you. I don’t want argue over who should of reached out first, I just want to tell you that it was mistake of me to not reach out. I never wanted to make you upset, I was only caring about myself and it was wrong. I really hope you can forgive me, I want us to move on and be friends again” Daveed confessed.

“I could’ve reached out just as easy as you could of, but I didn’t. This falls on both of us. Of course I want to be friends again. Not being friends with you felt so lonely, I felt like you had forgotten all about me” I told him. Then I saw Daveed smirk.

He held his hand out in front of me. I saw a bracelet on his wrist that I had given him when we were saying goodbye before we both left for college. “You never forgot me?” I asked in shock. “How could I forget the first girl I ever loved?” He asked me, interlacing our fingers.

I was so shocked, did he reciprocate my feelings? “You loved me?” I asked him. I was praying he wouldn’t say that he used to love me and didn’t anymore. “I always have” he said, smiling. I smiled back at him and he leaned in and kissed me. He cupped my face and I held onto his forearms.

We both pulled away and I started to blush. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that” he said. “You want to know something?” I asked him, excitedly. “Tell me” he said, chuckling at how excited I was. “I never forgot about you either” I told him, rolling up my sleeve and revealing the matching bracelet.

taglist: @someinsanefangirl @laurens-interlude @geekycatlover @fanfic-addict-98 @romanoffs-heart @multifandomwriterx @andreasworlsboring101 @criminallyhamilton @imatyoursurrvicesurr @irlydontknoanymore @sayweird99 @nyxie75 @rileygene11 @daveeds-whore @trost-town @notebookgirl30 @teenag1jealousy @royalstans @elizasfaith @kmsmedine @brunadesuu @lilangeldevil006

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#daveed diggs #daveed diggs x reader #daveed diggs fanfiction #daveed diggs angst #daveed diggs fluff #hamilton #hamilton cast imagines #hamilton cast member x reader #hamilton cast imagine #hamilton cast x reader #hamilton x reader #hamilton imagine #hamilton imagines #daveed diggs imagine #daveed diggs imagines #lin manuel miranda #daveed x reader #daveed imagines #daveed imagine

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uomo-accattivante · 4 years ago

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I recently came across a bunch of press articles and photos about Oscar Isaac that are so old, they appear to be out-of-print and pre-date social media. Considering they were probably never digitally transcribed for internet access, I’m guessing that the majority of current fans have never seen this stuff.

Even though a lot of these digital scans are challenging to read because they are the original fuzzy news print, I think there some gems worth sharing with you guys. Over the next several weeks, I will transcribe and share those gems on this page. Hope you enjoy them!

Let’s start with this fantastic 2001 profile piece done before Oscar was accepted into Juilliard:

South Florida’s rising star isn’t just acting the part

By Christine Dolen - [email protected]

February 4, 2001

As fifth-graders at Westminster Christian School in Miami, Oscar Isaac and his classmates were asked to write a story as if they were animals on Noah’s Ark. Oscar turned in a seven-page play – with original music – from the perspective of a platypus. Then he starred in the production his teacher directed.

He hasn’t stopped expressing himself creatively since. Today, Isaac is one of South Florida’s busiest young theater actors, and certainly its hottest. And not just because he’s a slender five-feet nine-inches tall with an expressively handsome face and glistening brown eyes.

Since making his professional debut as a Cuban hustler in Sleepwalkers at Area Stage in July 1999, he has played an explosive Vietnam vet in Private Wars for Horizons Repertory, a pot-smoking slacker in This Is Our Youth at GableStage, another Cuban on the make in Praying With the Enemy at the Coconut Grove Playhouse, the entrancing narrator of Side Man at GableStage, a Havana-based writer in Arrivals and Departures for the new Oye Rep and, most recently, a young Fidel Castro in When It’s Cocktail Time in Cuba at New York’s Cherry Lane Theater.

Beginning Wednesday, he’ll be juggling five roles in City Theatre’s annual Winter Shorts festival, first at the Colony Theatre in Miami Beach, then at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts. But that is not all: During the two weeks he is doing Winter Shorts, he’ll also be playing dates with the punk-ska band The Blinking Underdogs (www.blinkingunderdogs.com), which features him as lead singer, guitarist and songwriter.

Oh, and he just got back from auditioning for New York’s prestigious Juilliard School of Drama.

All this for a guy a month shy of his 22nd birthday.

Sure, you could hate a guy who’s that talented, that charismatic, that transparently ambitious. But the people who have worked with Oscar Isaac don’t. On the contrary, they’re all sure he has it – that magical, can’t-be-taught thing that transforms an actor into a star.

Playwright Eduardo Machado, who put in a good word for Isaac at Juilliard, says “he does have that star quality that makes your eyes go to him. It’s great that someone with that talent still wants to train.”

“He has a star quality that’s rare in a young actor,” adds Joseph Adler, who directed him in Side Man and This Is Our Youth. “Without a doubt I expect to be hearing great things from him.”

‘I JUST LOVE CREATING’

Isaac, who also makes short films, can’t say exactly why he was attracted to acting. He just knows it makes him happier than anything, that it’s what he was meant to do. And he’s been doing it since he was a 4-year-old putting on plays in his family’s backyard with his sister Nicole.

“I just love creating, whether it’s music or films or a character on a stage. I love taking people for a ride,” he says. “In Side Man, every night I would love being that close to the audience. I felt like I was talking to 80 of my closest friends.

“I could feel what the audience was feeling.”

His powerful, mournful-yet-loving monologue near the end of the play, he said, “worked every night. I knew it would get them. I’d hear sniffles.

“But it had less to do with me than with the atmosphere [created by the playwright and director].”

You could understand if Isaac, surrounded as he is by praise and possibility, had an ego as burgeoning as his career. Instead, he channels the positive reinforcement into confidence about his work.

“He has such a charm and an ease onstage, but he’s very modest,” says New York-based actress Judith Delgado, who shared the stage with Isaac in Side Man. “He’s hungry. He’s got moxie. I was blown away by him.

“He saved me a couple of times. I went up [forgot a line] and that baby boy of mine came through. He’s a joy.”

FORGING HIS OWN PATH

The son of a Cuban-American father and a Guatemalan mother, Isaac was never a stellar student. But he found ways of turning routine assignments – like the Noah’s Ark story – into creative challenges.

His science reports were inevitably video documentaries underscored with punk music. He acted through middle and high school, though he had a falling out with his drama teacher at Santaluces Community High in Lantana over his misgivings about a character. When she refused to cast him in anything else, he got his English teacher to let him play the dentist in Little Shop of Horrors his senior year.

His skepticism about authority and love of playing the devil’s advocate have long made him resist doing things the usual way. His post-high school “training” consisted of one semester at Miami-Dade Community College’s South Campus (where he met his girlfriend, Maria Miranda), touring schools playing an abusive character in the Coconut Grove Playhouse’s Breaking the Cycle, and working as a transporter of bodies at Baptist Hospital, where he absorbed the drama of people in emotionally intense situations.

“It was the most magnificent dramatic institute I could’ve attended,” Isaac said. “I was able to observe the entire spectrum of human emotion, people under the most extreme duress. I was mesmerized watching the way people interacted with each other in such heightened situations.

“I learned everything about the human condition, and it was real and harsh and brutally honest.”

Yet even given his propensity for forging his own path, something nudged him another direction while he was in New York making his Off-Broadway debut in December. Walking by Juilliard one day, he impulsively went in to ask for an application. Though the application deadline had passed, Isaac persuaded Juilliard to accept his, noting in his application essay that most of the exceptional actors he admires had acquired “a brutally efficient technique” to enhance their talent by studying at places like Juilliard.

Though he won’t know whether he has been accepted until the end of this month, his audition last weekend went well, he says. He did monologues from Henry IV, Part I and Dancing at Lughnasa, adjusting his Shakespearean Hotspur to a more fiery temperature at the suggestion of Michael Kahn, head of Juilliard’s acting program – though not without arguing that Hotspur wouldn’t be speaking to the king that way.

Isaac, not surprisingly, loves a good debate.

Adler, GableStage’s artistic director and a man who is as liberal as Isaac once was conservative, savored the verbal jousting they did during rehearsals for Side Man.

“He knows exactly how to pull my chain,” Adler says with a laugh. “Intelligence is the cornerstone of all great actors, and he’s bright as hell.

“He has relentless ambition but with so much charm. He’s very hard to say no to. He has incredible raw talent and magnetism that is very rare in a young actor along with relentless energy, perseverance and ambition. I see his growth both onstage and off. He’s mature in both places.”

Part of his growth, of course, will necessarily involve dealing with the rejections that are part of any actor’s life. His career is still too new, his string of successes solid, so it’s anyone’s guess how failure will shape him. But director Michael John Garcés, who picked him for When It’s Cocktail Time in Cuba after Isaac flew to New York at his own expense to compete with a pool of seasoned Manhattan actors for the role, believes his character will see him through.

“Oscar is realistic, but he’s so willing to go the whole nine yards,” Garcés says. “He didn’t go out when he was in the show here. His focus earned the respect of the other actors, some of whom have been working in New York for 30 years.

“He hasn’t had a lot of blows yet, when the career knocks the wind out of you. But he has talent, determination and focus, and if he has perseverance – my intuition is that he does have it – he could achieve a lot.”

FAMILY TIES

His father and namesake, Baptist Hospital intensive-care physician Oscar Isaac Hernandez, couldn’t be more proud. (Isaac doesn’t use the family surname in order to avoid, in his words, being “put in that Hispanic actor box.”)

“I’m ecstatic that he’s probably going to be going to the most prestigious drama school in the United States,” he says. “School will help him focus his energies and give him discipline. He’s got the raw material and the drive.”

Isaac’s mother, Maria, divorced from his father since 1992, is a kidney-transplant recipient who acknowledges that she’ll miss her son if he moves to New York. But, she adds, she wants him “to live out his dreams. He amazes me every day. He calls me every day. I’m very proud of him.”

Even the other guys in The Blinking Underdogs are fans of Isaac’s acting, though it could take him away from South Florida just as the band appears to be, Isaac says, on the brink of signing a recording deal (it has already put out its own CD, The Last Word, with songs, lead vocals and even cover photography by Isaac.

“Oscar’s the leader of the band, a great musician who amazes me and motivates us,” says sax player Keith Cooper. “I’ve been to see every one of his plays. He’s a phenomenal actor.

“I completely buy into his role in every play. As close as I am to him, I forget it’s Oscar.”

His South Florida theater colleagues credit that to Isaac’s insatiable desire to learn and grow.

Gail Garrisan, who is directing him in Donnie and One of the Great Ones for Winter Shorts, observes, “It’s not often that you find a young actor who is willing to listen and who doesn’t think he knows everything. He loves the work.

“He really brought the young man in Side Man to life. When I saw it in New York, it seemed to be the father’s play. When I saw it here, I felt it was his [Isaac’s] play.”

Oye Rep’s John Rodaz, whom Isaac calls “the best director I’ve ever worked with,” gave the actor his first important job in Sleepwalkers at Area Stage. They met when Isaac came to see Area’s production of Oleanna and the actor, knowing Rodaz ran the theater, introduced himself.

“He has so much energy and such a sparkling personality,” Rodaz says. “He knows how to move in the world. He seems to take advantage of every situation in a good way; he’s not a cold, calculating person who’ll stab you in the back.

“[But] he wants it so badly. Everything he does, he’s the leader. When I was 21, I was taking naps.”

Rodaz coached Isaac on his Juilliard monologues and found the experience energizing.

“I got chills just watching him. That happens so rarely. I was so exhilarated when I came home that I just had to go out and run. You just know he’s got all the tools.”

Christine Dolen is The Herald’s theater critic.

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#oscar isaac #vintage #juilliard #blinking underdogs #area stage company #john rodaz #gablestage #when it's cocktail time in cuba #side man #arrivals and departures #this is our youth #praying with the enemy #sleepwalkers #private wars #winter shorts #the miami herald

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tasloveskk · 4 years ago

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Some folklore thoughts 💭🌲✨🏳️‍🌈

Part 1

I’m going to take it song by song while also tracking key themes in red! Please also feel free to add in your thoughts in the comments, I’m curious to see what else people think folklore is about...

folklore

‘folklore’ is defined as “a body of popular myths or beliefs relating to a particular place, activity, or group of people.” or, by Steve from Taylor’s IC,”the traditional beliefs, customs, and stories of a community, passed through the generations by word of mouth.” Taylor herself in her introduction/prologue says “A tale that becomes folklore is one that is passed down and whispered around. Sometimes even sung about. The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible. Speculation, over time, becomes fact. Myths, ghost stories, and fables. Fairytales and parables. Gossip and legend. Someone’s secrets written in the sky for all to behold.”

the 1

- firstly, it’s the best opening track she’s ever had! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

- “I’m doing good, I’m on some new shit” = sounds to me like a conversation you have with an ex, like someone is saying “yeah I’m doing great, I’m dating/doing ‘x’” the first time they run into their ex in a while.

-“I thought I saw you at the bus stop” has BIG “this city screams your name” energy but is also very clever by Taylor because Miss Karlie Kloss is ALWAYS on advertisements on bus stops/literal buses around the globe 🚌

- “I hit the Sunday matinee” to me seems like an inside thing, because obviously as the world biggest pop star, if taylor is going to go to the theatre or cinema, she’ll pick the least busy and most filled with older people which would be the Sunday matinee.

- “you know the greatest films of all time were never made” —> the greatest love stories never get told? happen behind the scenes? There’s something deeper here but I’m still forming the cohesive idea!

- “if you wanted me you really should’ve showed” = showed up or showed for the world, either way Taylor wanted KK to chose her not Josh so they could work but that didn’t happen so now she’s left to wonder.

- “roaring twenties” evokes two clear images for me! 1. They were both in their 20s for the entiretyof their relationship, the best years were spent together and 2. The Roaring 20s were a time of independence, pushing boundaries and breaking the rules of prohibition - which is basically what Taylor and Karlie were doing behind the scenes.

- “if my wishes came true, it would’ve been you” = let’s say, ONLY FOR ARGUMENTS SAKE, that Taylor really IS with Toe, that still means that this song is her yearning for someone else who she always loves more AND had to lose at some point. Looking at her past beards “relationships”, there are only two plausible options - Joe (which seems unlikely seeing as they’re still “together”) or CH who she supposedly wrote “you would’ve been the one if you were a better man” about. Either way doesn’t seem like it fits. However, if you look at it as Karlie is the 1, it becomes clear - it would’ve been fun being best friends and lovers for ever baking cookies and dancing around the kitchen, it would’ve been forever if Karlie hadn’t “married” jerk, it would’ve been her and it still is. 💗

- “in my defense I have none, for never leaving well enough alone” & “I know that I went psycho on the phone, I never leave well enough alone” are about the same moment with the same person = she didn’t leave well enough alone because she kept writing about Karlie and re-engaging us Kaylors as well as I’m sure, she kept up with seeing Karlie or keeping tabs on her to the point where it forced someone to reach out to the other.... she can’t apologise or defend her actions because you can’t explain the things you do for true love.

- “I have this dream you’re doing cool shit” aka starting a podcast, expanding businesses, making headway as an entrepreneur and being a highly-paid and respected international model? Seems straight forward 👀

- “you meet some woman on the Internet and take her home” = 1. Karlie is specifically interested in tech and the internet, it is literally her entire business and 2. if Karlie and Tay did break up, then because Karlie is actually NOT married to Josh, she hooked up with someone she met through the internet somehow (probs social media not an app) and Taylor found out this is probably a snarky comment about that from a jealous ex. Could possibly also be about the dream mentioned above. 💔🔐

- “another day waking up alone” = lost her lover, sleeps alone? Bold claim on opening tack.

- “persist and resist” = very famous feminist saying, civil rights/political echo?

- “the temptation to ask you if one thing had been different, would everything be different today” = this what if mentality continues through the album but personally, I think this is about Kissgate.

- “Rosé flowing with your chosen family” = repeats later, your chosen family could refer to Karlie’s group of friends like Derek and Jourdan etc.

- “would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me” = flipped perspective, wishes Karlie chose her.

- “dragging up the grave another time” = firstly, THAT pin on her EW jacket now makes more sense. second, Taylor has written about Karlie for 4 straight albums now, she hasn’t let their love story die even if they did.

cardigan

- “brand new phone” = this is not some story, this is current reality. Taylor hides behind era-specific language and imagery in some other songs but this one is clearly about here and now, and her.

- “sensual politics” to me stands out because only really here and in TLGAD is politics explicitly mentioned and sensual politics to me screams sleeping with someone for political gain or with political connections which certainly sounds like someone...

- “when you’re young, they assume you know nothing” = sounds to me like a lot like a) love story and b) “you don’t know you’re gay, it’s just a PHASE! you’ll grow out of it!” 🏳️‍🌈

- “chase 2 girls, lose the one” = supposedly, when KK and TS met, Taylor was still in love/entangled with Dianna so perhaps she’s reflecting on making the wrong choice?

- CIWYW links: my baby’s high above the whole scene—> heartbeat on the high line, tidbit:as is clear in both Lover & 1989 New York is a sacred place for TS and KK’s love story, the high line is a) a beautiful NYC icon and b) right in between the girls’ two places...

- as mentioned, miss Karlie ELIZABETH Kloss was the brand model for Levi’s and definitely has worn some sequins and black lipstick on cobblestones sooooo.... 🤷🏼‍♀️

- “you drew stars around my scars” = see Drake’s birthday party and the infamous third Polaroid mystery 👀

- “stepping on the last train” could mean one of two things to me; 1. The last resort for KK was marrying J*sh or 2. the last train could represent some goodbye the girls had where KK chose something/someone else over Taylor.

- “peter losing Wendy” is such an interesting metaphor on so many levels but specifically, Wendy loses Peter because she wakes up (from nearly dying but nvm) and grows up and stops believing in Neverland and magic, basically Wendy loses an attachment to Peter because her reality shifts and that’s what gets remembered especially in the Disney version of the story. HOWEVER, the opposite is also true meaning Peter Pan loses Wendy because he can never co-exist with her again, he can never grow up or bring her back to Neverland without either killing her or ruining her. So this idea that someone wanted to change the ending from peter losing Wendy because he had to do what was best for her because he loved her echoes as Karlie didn’t want to marry Jerk or hurt Taylor but had to in order to protect her. Right? 😅

- “leaving like a father, running like water” = Taylor’s parents got divorced and there’s SOME thoughts Scott left the house and Taylor lives with her Mom in Nashville in her teen years.

- “I knew everything when I was young” - Taylor has always know she was LGBT+ 🌈 and also, baby VSFS vibes because as we all know, “we were both young when I first saw you...” send tweet.

- “I knew you’d come back to me” hopefully, HOPEFULLY foreshadows the girls being together/coming out soon !!!!!!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼

- music video wise, I’ll do a break down soon.

TLGAD

- ‘Rebekkah’ refers to the previous owner of Taylor’s Watch Hill, RI house, Rebekah Harkness. She was a divorcee until marrying Standard Oil heir William (aka Bill) Hale Harkness, a new-money dynasty was formed in this time from their profit. There are MANY wild, whimsical stories about ‘Betty’ (which is obviously an extended metaphor of folklore) that this song tries to re-create/recapture.

- Taylor is also known as ‘Becky’ due to the popular meme so this is quite literally a play on her own character as well as the previous inhabitants of the house.

- St Louis is not only Rebekkah’s hometown, but also Karlie Elizabeth Kloss’.

- “the wedding was charming, if a little gouche” seems like a direct shot fired at Karlie’s woodsy photoshoot of 2018 😂😂(ironically, folklore’s key aesthetic is the woods!!)

- “it must’ve been her fault his heart gave out” refers explicitly to William dying of a heart attack in the house, but subtly I feel like this is a dig at the media who constantly blame women for things they cannot control, as they have done with Taylor too many times to even count.

- “who knows if she never showed up, what could’ve been” seems like Taylor is stuck thinking about what may have happened for her and Karlie if things had been different, see the 1.

- “she/I had a marvellous time ruining everything” is such an incredibly provoking lyric on two fronts, 1. obviously taylor buying her RI house had a massive impact on an otherwise sleepy holiday town that is now more famous for Taylor’s july 4 parties than anything else and 2. seems introspective or personal, as if the things that ruined everything for Karlie and Taylor were the best and most marvellous parts of their relationship (big sur, kissgate etc.)

- “flew in all her bitch pack friends from the city” is not only about the friends and celebs Rebekkah was notorious for hosting but also Taylor’s ‘bitches and model’ girl gang circa 2015 which includes one Karlie Kloss.

- “blew through the money on the boys and the ballet” refers to Rebekkah’s love of wasting her fortune on things, including a ballet company that went under not long after she created it BUT also refers to Taylor paying so many boys to be her beards and PR stunts whilst also spending her money on a certain ex-Ballerina. Also remember her AMA’s performance of Lover/ bts of Shake It Off? 😉😉😉

- “50 years is a long time” - 50 seems deliberate, a bit of a reach but note it WAS the 50th anniversary of Stonewall last year. 🏳️‍🌈

- “free of women with madness, their men and bad habits and THEN IT WAS BOUGHT BY ME.” - this clearly shows that ALL the songs are being narrated by Taylor, some of the lyrics are about her, some are about these fictional or fantastical characters she’s created but there is her truth behind all of them too.

- “the loudest woman this town has ever seen” = Taylor is undoubtedly the most famous woman in the town who regualrly causes uproar there (see the Sea Wall debacle and the Taylor Swift Tax)

- in all, the two famed women owner’s of Holiday House have many overlaps and are forever intertwined.

exile

- “i can see you standing honey with his arms around your body” as the opening line is LOUD. to me, feels like this is about ALL those staged photos of Josh and Karlie uncomfortable/fake as hell on social media.

- “laughing but the joke’s not funny at all” is something we’ve all thought about Karlie’s marriage before and is about that moment where if you don’t laugh, you’ll cry at the situation.

- “it took you 5 whole minutes to pack up ... holding all this love out here in the hall” to me is about someone moving out of a shared home, like Karlie from Taylor’s NYC apartment, after a break up or fight. We know it is MORE than likely that the girls’ broke up, for a while or for good, in 2017/18.

- “I think I’ve seen this film before, and didn’t like the ending” is a lot like “Cause cruelty wins in the movies, I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches I almost said to you” / “All of my heroes die all alone.” which makes me truly believe that delicate > the archer > exile are all the progression of the same love story. ❤️

- “now I’m in exile seeing you out” = both of them have lost their home, exiled from the relationship.

- “I can see you staring honey, like he’s just your understudy” has a lot to unpack. Firstly, see this photo. Second, as a beard, Joe is quite literally Karlie’s understudy - stepping in only to fill a public void or play her part when she can’t.

- “like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me” is basically this tweet

- “second, third and hundredth chances” - hopefully this means the girls WILL be together again soon!!!

- “those eyes add insult to injury” - Taylor has often made explcit reference to her lover’s eyes, but this could also mean the eyes of the public on her every move and relationship not allowing her to properly grapple with break ups. 👁️

- “i’m not your problem anymore, so who am i offending?” - homophobes love to say wlw or mlm relationships “offend” them or their beliefs, so who could taylor be offending if she’s publicly in a straight relationship?

- “you were my crown”, Taylor was/is Karlie’s princess, if Karlie is gone, Taylor doesn’t feel like she’s a princess anymore. Likewise, Karlie is Taylor’s sunshine which makes the moody, misty, dark aesthetics all the more relevant to this album.

- “so I’m leaving out the side door’ - this side door? the other side of the door?

- “all of this time, we always walked a very thin line” between outing themselves and being happy?

- “I gave so many signs” - Taylor has queercoded EVERY album since her self-titled, she has been dropping hints and signs for years that she is LGBT+ so it must be exhausting to have to keep hiding who she loves. This is repeated so many times - it means a lot.

- written with William Bowery who nobody can quite identify, but Karlie and Taylor have been to the Bowery many times together and William is mentioned earlier in TLGAD

- this whole song is a duet, a two-sided conversation between lovers - her and karlie both without each other.

my tears ricochet

- Track 5 is, as per usual, deeply confessional, personal, emotive and moving. 😿😿

- there are lots of theories and layers to this masterpiece of a song, including that it’s in reference to big machine. I personally think every single song of Taylor’s is made up of layers that reflect multiple things in her life and experience so plausibly it can be about multiple things all at once including Sco** and Scumbag as well as Karlie, who was under Scumbag’s management for the majority of the decade. Another theory which with every new listen I think is more and more possible is that this is alternating between Taylor and Karlie’s perspectives.

- ‘if i’m on fire, you’ll be made of ashes too” whoever is associated with Taylor will ALWAYS be dragged down with her. If she’s being attacked, they will be too. Big 2016 energy.

- “even on my worst day, did I deserve babe, all the hell you gave me?” could be directed at a lover, or at Big Machine, or even the public for all the shit they’ve said about Taylor over the years.

- “I swear I loved you ‘till my dying day” seems a lot like the 1, as well as could be about the music and the label she helped build.

- “I didn’t have it within myself to go with grace.” Taylor was LOUD about her split from Big Machine, she called them out (rightly) and made noise which is not a ‘graceful’ split.

- “you’re the hero flying around saving face” very easily is about S+S jackasses but deeper than that, while Taylor was under immense attack and criticism, everyone who actually like her music pretended suddenly to hate it and her to stay ‘cool’

- “cause if I’m dead to you why are you at the wake?” this lyric becomes especially important in the final verse but essentially those who publicly distanced themself from Taylor still showed up when she was thriving again and/or because they actually truly loved her *uhmm karlie uhmm*

- “cursing my name, wishing I stayed” either at Big Machine or with Karlie/Taylor.

- “some to make a diamond ring” > firstly we still have never understood the ring image from the LWYMMD and ME! videos, it is entirely possible this is a continuation of that same symbol/image. Second, I think this hints to Karlie getting ‘engaged’ while still being with Taylor, the rock for the ring in the song was found by the two people gathering stones after all.

- “you know i didn't want to have to haunt you” both Taylor and Karlie have big reputations all over the world that follow them everywhere. For either one, they will always be haunted by reminders of each other.

- “you wear the same jewels that I gave you as you bury me” - on the Big Machine side, Taylor made the label professional and big, she is literally the sole reason it succeeded in the music industry so she handed Sco** his fortune and reputation which he still had when he sold her music to Scumbag and got into a very dirty bed with him. From the Karlie side, many people have noted that not only does she wear her black cartier necklace, which is assumed to be from Taylor, but to her ‘wedding’ wore a necklace she’d worn before with Taylor.

- “when I’d fight you’d tell me I was brave” could refer to Sco** encouraging her in 2016 to defend herself. Could refer to Karlie supporting her behind the scenes.

- ‘and I can go anywhere I want, just not home” seems like a continuation from exile, as in she’s lost the place she called home because her lover is no longer there but could also mean she can’t go back to her other albums and the house (see the lover music video) that they created as her musical home.

- “you will still miss me in your bones” could be about Sco** losing his money and label without her there to physically support and carry it or about the fact that the love Taylor and Karlie had is so ingrained it’s in their bones forever.

- “and i still talk to you when I’m screaming at the sky” this lyric has a lot of possible interpretations (i’ve seen one about cursing out God?) but i think it’s similar to “asking the traffic lights if i’ll be alright” as in, it’s Taylor asking the universe to help her make sense of things.

- “when you can’t sleep at night, you hear my stolen lullabies” suggests a) sco** + scumbag is still haunted by the music they stole from Taylor because it was literally the backbone of the business which is now practically worthless and b) that Karlie is kept awake by the songs Taylor has written for and about her over the years which again were stolen away by the jackasses at Big Machine.

- “you had to kill me, but it killed you just the same” again, same idea - big machine will never be profitable without her/while they hold her masters hostage. BUT Karlie wise, breaking up with Taylor broke her too?

- this is where the song changes. it shifts from Taylor’s story to someone else’s, personally I think Karlie.

- “you turned into your worst fears” as in she settled for the money and sold her values off by marrying Josh. Also, Karlie was under Scumbag’s management for years (part of Taylor’s hatred of him was him keeping the girls’ from doing as they pleased) so by being completely controlled by him, she turned into this completely fake person. Contrast 2014/15 Karlie with 2017/18 Karlie and it so much more all about PR and money.

- “you’re tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years” - sco** and scumbag have made so many false excuses for their behaviour and completely erased the good relationship between the Swifts and sco**. Not sure yet what the Karlie side is here but it’s here somewhere.

- in conclusion, this is about Big Machine and Karlie. As the first song Taylor wrote for the album, I think it’s clear just how incredibly multi-faceted this album is. ☕☕☕

mirrorball

- first off, we can never forget about this and this look from both girls. ✨✨

- “I’ll to show you every version of yourself tonight”, the public and the private sides to them both. this is big glass closet energy in my opinion

- “and when I break it’s in a million pieces” is so personal and heartbreaking. 2016 and Kaylor breakup vibes. I cannot elaborate at this time.

- “when no one is around my dear” = the secrecy, forbidden love motif returns and again, if she’s in a hetero relationship, what’s to hide?

- “you’ll find me on my tallest tiptoes”, Just an fyi, Karlie, a giraffe, is 6′2″, Taylor is 5′10″ -- thats a big difference. 🦒🦒🦒

- “i know they said the end is near” = end of the relationship or the end of hiding it, either way, it’s a romantic last private moment together, swaying as the room burns down.

- “i can change everything about me to fit in” = Taylor when she was starting out was forced to create this all innocent, american-girl image of herself. She has had to hide herself to succeed, as she said in Miss Americana, she was muzzled.

- “you are not like the regulars, the masquerade revelers” = Karlie is different to everyone else, or any other ex, ‘masquerade’ implies masked or hidden figures at a party, very Love Story

- “and the called off the circus, burned the disco down” = the ‘circus’ could be the media/public, or all the illusions Taylor has cast in order to appear straight. The ‘disco’, and Taylor is the ‘mirror ball’ to her lover means that this isolated existence of just the two of them.

- “I’m still on that tightrope, I’m still trying everything” for now, she’s still closeted, she’s still trying to have the best of everything.

- “I’m still a believer, but I don’t know why” believer in everything working out perhaps, or perhaps believing it’s better if she’s in the closet and it’s only the two of them.

- “never been a natural” = she has completely created herself through years off trying to be what people want, not who she naturally is.

seven

- “picture me” implies this is retrospective of Taylor, she’s reflecting on her childhood/youth.

- “I hit my peak at Seven” could either refer to the age 7 or album 7, ‘Lover’ which many critics argued was her best work.

- “Over the creek I was too scared to jump in” = fear of jumping is something Taylor has discussed in many songs but this is different, the creek represents something she fears will drown her.

- “High in the sky with Pennsylvania under me” = obviously, Taylor was born and raised in rural PA, so this truly is a childhood memory unearthed and explored. It’s personal to Taylor, it’s her story. 👏🏼

- “Are there still beautiful things?” Recognizing the world isn’t all daisies and rainbows

- “cross your heart, don’t tell no other” = again, secret keeping and hiding something is a big queer image, ‘cross your heart’ is a quite childish phrase but it’s adult equivalent in Taylor’s world is an NDA, ie swearing people to secrecy is something she's always known... 🔐

- “Although i can’t recall your face, I still got love for you” = this childhood love has faded with time to memories, this girl simultaneously forgotten and remembered.

- “Your braids like a pattern” = definitely about a girl (1996 rural Pennsylvania was not the kind of place where boys had braids), specific use of YOUR pronoun not ‘my’ or ‘our’ suggesting again it’s about a girl. Very obviously about a first girl crush. 🌈

- “passed down like folk songs, the love lasts so long” = firstly, reference to Neruda’s poem Taylor used in the red prologue. second, folksongs change slightly from generation to generation but the heart/melody remains the same meaning that in Taylor’s mind, the story of her first girl love has changed but it’s still the same song/story all the years later. also, clearly a reminder of the setting of the song and the album as a whole being folklore. 💛

- “your dad is always mad and that must be why” feels a lot like Love Story and forbidden love, also again rural Pennsylvania in the mid-1990s was not the most liberal place so I can imagine a lot of homophobic ideas that perforated Taylor’s childhood.

- “I think you should come live with me” is such an innocent image of someone in love and wanting to just fix things by bringing them home, it also is like a baby gay version of uhauling

- “we could be pirates” = pirates are not just a childhood image/motif but also one historically seen as gay, gangs of pirates often had ‘mateolage’ agreements that basically were like widow’s benefits. See John Swann. ☠️

- “you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet.” = I think this one is explicitly clear but just to be sure, Taylor could’ve said “hide when he lost it, hide if you wanted, hide in the woods too” etc. Read this for a full understanding of why it such a LOUD image to use. It is VERY DELIBERATE PEOPLE. 🌈🌈🌈

- “just like a folk song, our love will be passed on” = different from the first bridge but deliberate again. Their story, aka Taylor liking girls from a young age will always be talked about, AND their love lives in this song she wrote.

- “picture me in the weeds before I learned civility” = again, given the homophobic attitude, ‘civility’ and straightness should be read as the same so Taylor is saying when she was a child, free in the grass and herself, she wants to always be.

- “I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted” = she wasn’t muzzled as a child, she could say and be who she wanted, screaming it aloud for everyone to hear but that changed as she grew up.

- “pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move to India forever” = ‘dolls’ again would imply it’s two girls running away together and India is this exocitc far off place to a child, a place where they can be together without anyone knowing them or controlling them.

August

- Karlie Kloss is born in August. Karlie Kloss posted yesterday about being a Leo (an August born). August belongs to Karlie Kloss. 🦁♌

- “rust on your door” = image of something well-worn, perhaps someone who’s been here too a few times before?

- “whispers of are you sure?” = obviously there is the sexual connotation, but beyond that, what if it’s about Taylor and Karlie going public etc.

- “never have I ever before” = see above but also the game ‘never have I ever’ evokes youthfulness and sounds almost like a reminder of a fun night with friends.

- “I can see us lost in the memory” = implies they’re still together, losing themself in the memory together

- “I can see us twisted in bedsheets” = again, sexual imagery but also the intimacy of sharing a bed with the person you love after sex

- “Like a bottle of wine” = matures the song a bit, the youthfulness of earlier is now more adult. 21 is America’s drinking age, 20s were mentioned early etc. 🍷

- “Cause you were never mine” = the whole of Taylor and Karlie’s relationship, Karlie has publically been dating Josh so she was never solely Taylor’s.

- “Will you call when you’re back at school?” = Karlie attended NYU in 2015, the height of Kaylor.

- “back when we were still changing for the better” = instead of changing to adapt/survive or keep up appearances.

- “wanting was enough” = wanting Karlie without labels was enough, rather than having to go public etc. Many have said for a long time that Karlie and Taylor fought about coming out or not.

- “cancel plans in case you would call” = sounds like a very love-sick Taylor Swift thing to do. Also waiting on a lover’s call when they constantly are travelling like both Karlie and Taylor do makes sense. ☎️

- “so much for summer love” = cruel summer echo? Summer 2015 was again, peak Kaylor so this could be a specific reference to that period

- “Do you remember? Remember when I pulled up and said ‘get in the car’” another specific reference, comes up again later in Betty, clearly is something personal.

- “Back when I was still living for the hope of it all” = back as in the past when everything was happening, hope of it all being the hope they’d still end up together.

TO SUM UP PART 1:

BENEATH ALL FICTION OR MYTH IS FACT & FEELING. Taylor is no longer hiding. Yes, some of these songs are about stories and people not her but there is so much of herself and her own story layered in too. PAY ATTENTION!!! Obviously, these are just my opinions, I’m not Taylor so I cannot know exactly what these songs are about but I think, after years of analyzing her music, these images/themes and deliberate word choice are well-versed in this part of the fandom. It is entirely possible this is the beginning of Taylor’s full, public coming out journey.

I’ll be back with Part 2 tomorrow. Stay Tuned!

#ts8 #taylor swift #taylor swift gay #taylor swift karlie kloss #Kaylor #kaylor proof #gaylor swit #Gaylor #GAYLOR RISE #karlie kloss taylor swift #Karlie Kloss #karlie what you want #tasloveskk #folklore #folklore taylor swift

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420themanbehindtheslaughter69 · 4 years ago

Text

Found Diary...

This is 100% based on a TikTok I legit just saw by yoongi.xd so full credit to them for the idea :)

R/F/N = Random Female Name R/M/N = Random Male Name

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Fluff, angst(?), lemon(not really)

Au: Non-Idol au, High School au, Gender neutral! Reader, it's 2019, Yoongi is 17

Song: Bubblegum Bitch by Marina and the Diamonds

Word Count

Warnings: swearing,

Pov: alternating

POV - Y/n's First Person

High school... I hate it. I've always hated it. I feared going into high school since I was little. The only reason why I had any bit of motivation is that I got to see my best friend Yoongi.

Min Yoongi. The introvert who can do literally anything. It's crazy. I don't know how we ended up becoming friends, but we did. He's always been a tough cookie and had a hard exterior. Though it didn't take long for me to break into it.

It apparently took less amount of time for this bitch named R/f/n. They met about two months ago, and they're already sucking faces.

Which is what's happening right now.

"Can you guys like not to do that while I'm trying to eat?" I look at Yoongi and R/f/n and they pull away.

"No." R/f/n scoffs trying to pull Yoongi back in for a... I can't even call it a kiss. "No, R/f/n, it's okay. We can continue later, Okay?" R/f/n pouts and nods her head, making me fake a gag.

"Okay, Yoongi-Baby. I should probably get going then. I love you." She stands up giving him another kiss. "I love you too, R/f/n." They wave to each other and she exits the cafeteria.

"Fucking finally. I thought that you'd be stuck there forever." My comment makes Yoongi chuckle. "Yeah, she's really touchy. It's okay though. I like her a lot." He looks down with a shy smile on his face.

"Yeah, I know you like her a lot. And I'm so happy that you've finally found someone that makes you happy." He looks up at me and I smile at him. "What do you mean? You make me happy? You're my friend." The legendary words that make any fool break.

Being friends with him is great and all but I think I would prefer to be more. "You know what I mean, Yoongi. We're friends, not lovers. She makes you happy in a romantic way." I stick my spoon in the pudding of my school lunch and stir it around before deciding that there is no way in Hell am I going to eat it.

"Thank god you're not about to eat that. I probably would've thrown up if you did." Yoongi says chuckling before drinking the chocolate milk in a cardboard box. "It's chunky." He continues after setting the milk down.

I look at the pudding and pull a face of disgust. "Yeah, it's very chunky." I throw the spoon on the tray and look over at the clock on the wall. "We have 10 minutes to get to class... Do you wanna start heading there now?" Yoongi nods and we both stand up and throw our shit away.

As we exit the Cafeteria, this stupid fucking bitch, R/m/n, throws a basketball at me. I hate guys. "Yo Yoongi! You gonna play later? Also sorry..." He stops for a moment and looks at me. "You." He then looks back at Yoongi.

"Nah, I promised Y/n that I'd help them with their homework." R/m/n nods and walks away. I completely forgot that I had asked him to help me.

"Thank fucking god it's Friday. I literally don't wanna have to deal with these fuckers for much longer." Yoongi says wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

~ After School~

"Do you really need help? It seems as if you just wanted to hang out?" Yoongi drops the notebook onto his bed and looking at me. Obviously, I lied. I look away in shame, and he chuckles. "If you wanted to hang out, you could've just asked. We're friends after all."

"But it seems as if we've been so distant." He lets out a long sigh and he rubs his eyes.

"Is this about R/f/n?" Yoongi raises his voice a little bit, making me jump.

"No, it isn't about R/f/n. I mean it kind of is bu-" Yoongi lets out a long irritated sigh.

"Why do you hate her so much? What the fuck did she do to you?" He yells at me.

"I never said I hated her!" Even though I do despise her, I would never admit that, especially to Yoongi. "What the fuck is your problem? Why are you getting so mad at me?" Suddenly, I'm angry. All I wanted was to hang out with Yoongi outside of school after what seems like the first time in months, and he's getting angry with me for no reason? Oh hell no.

"Recently all you've been doing is complaining about the fact that we're never with each other, but you're forgetting that we literally go to the same school and that we have most of the same classes! It's so fucking annoying!" I'm furious now. I stand up and start packing up my stuff with tears in my eyes.

I'm not crying because I'm sad, I'm crying because I'm angry. I run out of his room and get my shoes on at his door. "Y/n... I didn't mean to-" He calmly states as he stands at the top of the stairs.

"No. Fuck you Min Yoongi." I finally walk out of his house wanting nothing more than to lay in my bed. I want nothing more than to be at home, in my own room, with my headphones in, curled up under my blankets. I stomp down the street speedily, I turn around and see Yoongi standing outside his house.

"Yeah... fuck you Min Yoongi," I mutter looking forward again.

Lunchtime... It used to be my favourite subject in school because that's when I got to see Yoongi. It's been about a week since our fight. It was such a silly fight as well. I also haven't felt like eating out in public, so I haven't been buying any lunch.

Yoongi seems happy. He's been with the basketball players, their girlfriends, and R/f/n. He's acting as if nothing happened, as if he didn't freak out at me. I only have two other friends other than him, and one of them, Tara, doesn't have the same lunch as me.

"Hello~ Earth to Y/n!" Tommy says, waving his hand in front of my face. Tommy and Tara are twins, and they both happen to my two other friends. Convenient, I know. "You've been staring at Yoongi for the past ten minutes." Tommy continues before taking a big bite of his sandwich.

A sandwich that includes turkey, bologna, provolone cheese, mayo, and tofurkey. For some reason, he likes the smokey flavour of the fake meat mixed with the real meat. "Yeah, I'm aware I've been staring at him." I roll my eyes, playfully making Tommy laugh.

Tommy. Twin brother of Tara. Both are seventeen and from America. He has messy brown hair and greenish-brown eyes that look green in the right lighting, and in another lighting, looks brown. Cheap warm-tones cafeteria lighting makes his eyes the in-between colour of hazel. He has pale skin with natural red cheeks, along with freckles across his nose. He's not unattractive but he's definitely not on most people's level of beauty.

"How are you after the fight?" He says nonchalantly, peeling the crust off of part of the sandwich he's about to bite into.

"I wouldn't necessarily call it a fight. More of a 'he flipped and I didn't wanna deal with it' situation." I pick at my nails anxiously. I don't wanna talk about this. Tara knows that, but I guess she didn't tell Tommy.

"Yeah... Right." He says squinting his eyes at me to show he doesn't fully believe me. "Anyway, you wanna hang out after school? My biological dad sent a new video game if you wanna try it with me." I look at him with wide eyes, making him chuckle a little.

"Fuck yeah! What time?" He stops and thinks for a moment.

"Four-Thirty? I have theatre club after school."

I also have stuff after school to do. Not like a club, I mean I guess you can call it that, but I just go and chill out in the Library, reading a book with a group of other students. It's not a club where you have to sign up to be in, but more of a free-range. It's fun and relaxing, especially since I don't have to talk to anyone there unless the leader really wants us to, which she's an introvert and doesn't want to.

Alas, the school day is over. It's two-fifteen, the bell has rung indicating that we can now leave, but I head over to the library. Oh, I'm the first one here. I take a deep breath as I sit in the comfortable cushioned rocking chair in the corner of the Library. This area is very isolated, which is why we sit over here. It's quiet and away from other students who are wanting to come in here and study or something.

Though it's isolated, in the seat I am in, I have the perfect view of the door, which is open from Seven-thirty to two-fifteen, and then after, the Librarian, Mr Kim, who isn't too much older than us, closes the door but it remains unlocked.

It's now two-thirty, most of the kids that usually show up are here reading their books, there are a few new students who just wanted an escape, and-

"Ayo Yoongi pass the ball!" I look over at the door and see a dude, I recognize as R/m/n catching the brownish-red ball from a shorter boy with dark hair, I can obviously notice is Yoongi, especially since R/m/n called his name. I whine slightly as I slump into my chair. I hear the girls who are misogynistic for their boyfriend's validation giggle as they watch the guys.

Please God... don't let them see me.

Luckily they didn't, and I continue reading until I finish the book. Then I packed up my stuff and decided that it was better off that I leave early.

POV- Yoongi's First Person

"Hey, Yoongi~" R/f/b comes strutting over with her friends with a notebook in her hand. That looks like Y/n's notebook... she never let anyone touch it.

"I found Y/n's diary." She smiles mischievously.

"Let's read it!" R/m/n says, and the others agree. "But Yoongi should be the one to read it." R/f/n rolls her eyes before handing it to me.

I don't really wanna have to do this...

"Dear Diary, I will be writing all of my important accomplishments or just important things in general here. So starting with today, we have a new kid. He's really cute, I'm afraid to talk to him though."

"Boring! Skip forward!" One of R/f/n friends say. I nod and skip a few pages. October tenth two-thousand thirteen... that's when Y/n and I met.

"Today is October 10, 2013. Oh, dear Diary, I met a boy. He made my dull heart light up with joy. He's shy and kind of mean, but I think I can become his friend. I'm gonna keep trying." Oh god... I continue reading every few pages until the most recent...

"Dear Diary... we fell apart. He yelled at me and called me annoying. I had lied to him, saying I needed help with homework, when in reality, I just wanted to be with him. I wanted to be with him outside of school, with no interruptions from his basketball friends who always push me around when he's not there, with no interruptions from his snobby girlfriend to told me to go kill myself and to stay away from him. Just him and I. But when he noticed that I didn't actually need help, he flipped. I don't know what I did wrong... maybe it was because I kept it a secret that his friends are so shitty. At least I still have Tommy and Tara. They're the only ones I need. Oh, who am I kidding? I miss him so much. I love him." My heart stops as I continue reading. I look up at the people around me who just stare at me awkwardly and apologetically.

"Did you guys really do that to them?" I take them not answering as a yes. I look down at my watch to see it only just hit four o'clock. I have to go see y/n...

I put their diary in my bag and swing it over my shoulder before running out of the library. Everything seems to have turned in slow motion. My heart is pounding My friends are yelling after me, but all I want is to see y/n. I want to see their beautiful smile again. They like me... They like me. I was so blind to notice, but now I think about it, it was so obvious. I smile while running as I think about all the moments I have had with Y/n.

I finally arrived at Y/n's house, I'm out of breath and my legs sting. I walk up to the front door...

POV- Y/n's First Person

It's currently Four twenty-five, so I should probably start heading out to Tommy and Tara's house. Just as I open the door, I am greeted by someone I really don't wanna see. Yoongi.

"Y/n..." He lets out a long sigh and a small smile. "I'm so sorry. I fucked up. I don't even know why I freaked out as I did." I just stand there. I don't know what to say to him. I miss him... I miss being with him. I open my mouth to say something, but my mouth is dry and I can't say anything. Yoongi steps closer. My heart pounds out of my chest. His hand makes contact with my hip hand and...

The world around us has stopped. Nothing else is important. Min Yoongi is standing in my doorway kissing me. His single hand on my waist, slides around to my back, pulling me closer. We can't...

I push him away. "Yoongi..." I whisper. I didn't mean for it to come out so quietly, but with how nervous I am I can't help it. I want to kiss him. I've always wanted to... but now that it's actually happening-

"Y/n... I love you. I love you so much. I'm so sorry... please I need you back in my life... I never realized your feelings for me until just recently, and because I finally realized, that made me rethink everything. I never truly liked R/f/n... I never felt the way I do when I'm with you. You make me happy." He pants, pulling me toward my living room couch. I comply and sit next to him.

"Yoongi... I really like you. I always have. But you never liked me, why has that suddenly changed?" I want to cry. I feel so overwhelmed by everything. He shrugs before placing his hand on my cheek.

"Can I kiss you again... please?" I don't even care anymore. I nod and he pulls me towards him. His soft upturned lips make contact with mine. I move his silky hands from my cheek to my waist, and I hold onto his face. Yoongi's tongue tries to enter my mouth, but I allow it. I suck on his tongue as his lips are still pressed to mine.

Knock Knock Knock Knock

We pull away quickly. He laughs at the string of spit connecting us before I stand up and go over to the door.

"Hey, Tommy."

"It's five o'clock... is everything okay?" I look at my phone and my eyes widen. Has it really been thirty minutes since Yoongi got here?

"Yeah everything's fine, I'll be over in a minute though, okay? I might need to even wait until my mom gets home so she can drive me over since it's getting dark." Tommy nods and smiles. He waves and walks away, so I quickly shut the door and walk back over to Yoongi. "My room, now," I say softly and we both run up the stairs and into my room.

It's been a while since he's been in my room. I never told her, but my mom knew I liked Yoongi and as much as she trusted him, she felt afraid that he would do something.

Yoongi tackles me onto my bed after locking my door. His hands are on either side of my head. He dips down and starts leaving small kisses up my neck to my mouth, once he reaches my mouth he just barely touches it. "Yoongi... please..." I whine and he chuckles. I tangle my fingers in his hair.

Oh god, his beautiful dark hair. People wouldn't consider his hair curly, but it has some natural texture to it. So silky and soft. So healthy... every damn thing about Yoongi is perfect. His soft lips trail from my mouth to the soft dimple on my cheek, down my neck. He lingers at my neck for a little while, allowing me to feel how perfect even his lips are. So good at kissing, I guess that watching him and R/f/n make out had to lead me to think otherwise... R/f/n.

"Wait... Yoongi." He pulls away with a hum and looks at me. His dark lust-filled eyes have now turned into precious puppy dog eyes. They're glossed over and widened, as his lips are in a pout. "What about R/f/n?" He chuckles, making me embarrassed for asking.

"I'm done with her. Don't think about her, or Tommy, or R/m/n, or Tara, or Mr. Kim, or Ms. Jung. Think about us." I nod and he leans down to kiss me again, but before he can, someone knocks on my door.

"Y/n, I'm home." My mom says on the other side of the door.

"Okay, hi mom!" I call out, Yoongi flops softly onto the space next to me and wraps his arms around me.

"Tommy give me my phone!" I yell as Tommy and I run around my living room. Yoongi and Tara laugh at us, and I finally grabbed my phone from him and stuff it in my pants.

"Do you really think that'll stop me?" He says reaching towards me, but stops when Yoongi lets out a cough. "Sorry, Yoongi. Didn't mean that in a creepy way." He awkwardly apologizes and we sit down on the couch. I drape the blanket over Yoongi and I, as Tommy and Tara fight over who gets to hold the popcorn.

"I thought this was gonna be a calm movie night," Yoongi whispers in my ear with a smile. I let out a soft laugh and look over at the two twins.

"At least Tara isn't threatening to shove her fist up his ass again." Just as I say that, Tara then yells she was gonna shove her fist up Tommy's ass.

"I don't want anything else than to be here with you guys," Yoongi whispers again, placing a kiss on my nose. "I love you."

"I love you more."

#min yoongi #yoongi fanfiction #yoongi x reader #fanfiction #bts oneshots #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan #bts rm #bts suga #agust d #suga bts #bts yoongi #x reader #songfic #fanfic #oneshot #fanfiction author #wattpad author #bts

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prorevenge · 4 years ago

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Mess with minors and my job? Lose your job and your boyfriend.

Tl;dr at the end because this is a doozy.

Alright circa 2014 I worked for a large movie theatre chain in a small Midwestern city. Job was pretty awesome outside of the shit pay and essentially no way to move up. I like to think I am good at my job and I try my hardest no matter where I work. In this particular situation I was one the most tenured employees at the theatre save for two other folks who had worked there part time on the side, and had full time jobs elsewhere.

So for the sake of this story I need to tell you about Jane (not actual name). Jane started working for the theatre 2 months before me. They worked elsewhere as a supervisor and was looking to move up at the theatre. Right after I started one of the managers left to work at a different theatre and the supervisor moved up. We had two managers, one general manager (basically the highest level at the theatre), and a supervisor which is a manager in training. (This is important.) Jane somehow got the supervisor position even though there was another person who essentially was promised the position due to their continued service at the theatre for almost 8 years. There were rumors about Jane sleeping with the GM when she started and this situation got them going again. I didn’t care too much because why would I, I am but a lowly peon in the corporate machine. Anyways Jane moved up and the tenured crew member left the company because they got screwed over.

Once Jane moved up we had a whole meeting about her moving up and how the theatre focuses on professionalism and ensuring no favoritism was happening. Specifically referencing how normal crew members shouldn’t fraternize outside of work with management.

Jane didn’t really listen to that though. She continued to hang out with the crew members who were mostly underage and would do various things like go drinking with minors, taking them to bars and buying them drinks or simply buying alcohol at a store and letting them drink at her house, I honestly have no issue with the drinking at home deal, just adding context, as well smoke weed with them and post pictures on Instagram. Oh yeah I forgot to mention Jane had a secret Instagram where they would post pictures of themselves with their friends from the theatre. They chose Instagram because none of their family or their boyfriend used Instagram and no one would know right?

Even more damning was her relationship with a 19 year old that worked at the theatre. She had a boyfriend who had been with her for years and honestly supported her for all intensive purposes. Not only did she have a 19 year old side piece, but also was messing around with a 17 year old. I even caught them messing around in the break room one time. She essentially threatened me with my job if I told anyone. Honestly she could’ve just told me to please be quiet and I would have just judged her silently.

Fast forward about a year or so and another one of the managers left for a new job. Jane obviously moved up and someone else took the supervisor position. Now I won’t go into too much detail, but despite my tenure and performance I was looked over for the promotion. A newer crew member who was really good friends with Jane got the position over me. This was confirmed by the other manager who let me know that Jane was definitely in good with the GM, who ultimately made the final decision. That being said I was beginning to sour and making minimum wage for years at a job that couldn’t give a shit about my efforts and continued performance. That being said I was preparing for an exit.

Before I get into my exit, it is important to note that Jane had and most likely still has a problem with me. I have talked about some issues I had with her, but I never escalated or even confronted her about anything she did to me up to this point. I honestly left it be. But I didn’t like her and the fact I didn’t like her or play along with her bullshit infuriated her. So much to the point where she made my life hell at the theatre. When she was a supervisor she didn’t have much power but when she became manager she began giving me shit shifts, convincing people that I was weird and to avoid me (I mean I am weird but not like avoid me weird), threatening me physically, threatening my job, her and her gang of misfit assholes also slashed my tires (I have no solid proof, but my car was parked in the employee lot and ya know only employees can get in), beyond that she also made fun of my girlfriend (my now wife) for having an invisible illness (MS), she would make her life hell because she had a disability and had some minor limitations. Add together all of this, plus my GF went off to college, plus getting looked over for the promotion, suffice it to say I found a new job.

I had a few close friends at the theatre including my now wife who I met while working there (silver lining right.) I had let a few of them know about the new job, but told them to keep it on the DL since it was still two weeks away. I had put my two weeks in with the GM and asked that he also keep it on the DL since Jane and her posse would fuck with me. I told him that I wanted to tell everyone myself so it kept him quiet.

Now the important thing about my new job is that it essentially paid me double my wages from the theatre. All of my friends were stoked for me, I was taking a job that would also have me making more than the managers at the theatre but also a job that put me on a better track in life. That being said with Jane and I butting heads on multiple occasions and her track record of messing with me, she decided to get one last attack on me. She started a rumor that I was just going to call out on all of my shifts the two weeks before my new job started.

With her last act of revenge in motion, the GM approached me and let me know that he wouldn’t be scheduling me the last two weeks. I tried to explain to him that the rumors were bullshit that I needed to work because it would be my only source of income. I told him that Jane started the rumor and I started to tell him all of the other stuff as well. He of course didn’t believe me and told me that Jane wouldn’t do what I was saying she would do. So it was her word vs mine. I contacted my new job who let me know that my start date was firm and that their budget wouldn’t allow me to start until two weeks later as originally planned. Now here I am essentially jobless for two weeks. Now I was upset, but I was also lucky. I was still living with family and didn’t have to pay rent, so I sucked it up and essentially told myself that I would just take a forced two week vacation. But Jane didn’t stop there. She escalated again by having one of her cronies call my new job and tell them that I got fired. I was luckily able to talk down my new boss by letting him know that this wasn’t the case that I put my two weeks in and everything else, but that was the last straw.

I left my last day at the theatre and while it was sad and I was upset that I wouldn’t be able to work out the last two weeks of my job that I had for years, I was focused and determined on revenge. Rule #1 of living a secret life and having a secret Instagram is not add every body and their mother to the page. I had a friend of a friend who also didn’t care for Jane let’s call them Joe. Joe and I had gone to high school together and briefly worked at the theatre together. He and Jane were part of the same group at the theatre until they had a small falling out. Nothing crazy but he wasn’t exactly happy with her. I talked to Joe and we discussed my issues with Jane over some lunch that I bought for him. (Food is the key to all revenge plots.) Once we ate and discussed my problems with Jane I asked for his help. I needed access to her Instagram. Ya know the secret one, showing her hanging out with underage employees, drinking alcohol and smoking weed with them, and also some mushy posts about her 19 year old boyfriend, as well as some moderately racy photos with her 17 year old fling. With very little discussion he gave me full access.

I took screenshots of essentially everything. We are talking 2-3 years worth of illicit and moderately illegal activity. More than enough to get her fired and to raise some questions in her relationship. I took the screenshots and I printed them on the most high quality paper/material that CVS had to offer. I also copied them too a few flash drives for good measure. I purchased two yellow padded envelopes (can never be too safe), and I filled them both with copies of all of the posts as well as a flash drive with additional copies. As well I included a note in each one for the appropriate parties.

One of the envelopes was taped to the back door of the theatre. There was somewhat of a blind spot so pulled into the parking lot from the rear and snuck around the corner mission impossible style to tape the envelope to the back door. On it was the GM’s name, as well in the letter I merely stated that one of their managers had a secret Instagram with a lot of damning evidence of not only favoritism, but also fraternizing with underage employees amongst other wrong doings. In the letter I also requested her immediate termination or the information would be provided to the district manager as well as our corporate office. I made sure to put it somewhere the GM would see on his morning sweep when he opened the theatre. The second folder and letter was delivered to her home by Joe. Joe agreed to this as I knew Jane’s schedule and had a good idea of when she would be gone and he knew where she lived from previous hang outs.

With both folders delivered it was only a matter of time. Before I knew it I was receiving death threats from Jane’s gang. All of them saying that they knew it was me and that Jane was going to come after me, that she never did anything to deserve this. It didn’t matter to me of course, I no longer worked there and would hopefully never have to deal with them again. From what I heard she was taken into the main office of the theatre and the GM let her have it. He ultimately had to fire her because there was very clear proof that she was in direct violation of many of the rules and conditions of her employment. As well her boyfriend with proof in hand kicked her out of his home.

Last I heard she moved farther north and hasn’t held down a solid job since. Her family didn’t want much to do with her once everything came out with her cheating on her boyfriend. Also the part about fooling around with a 17 year old tends not to sit well. In the end I started my new job without fail and moved on from that place. Haven’t see much of anyone from there since.

Tl;dr: Manager makes my life hell, continues to hang out and fool around with underage crew members, lives to regret it. Enjoy losing your job and your boyfriend.

(source) story by (/u/Ike09161995)

#prorevenge #by /u/Ike09161995 #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #last10

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anemonenemerosa · 4 years ago

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The Spare Chapter 8

Hello fellow people,

the next one.

At first thank you all for reading and supporting me! It really means a lot!

Secondly: this chapter gets dark. So please stay safe. TW for metntal struggles, self-harm and alcohol abuse.

The SW-verse belongs to the lovely @lumosinlove and the HP characters to JKR.

Chapter 8

Regulus had always prided himself with his poker face. He could fool anyone… except his mother. She knew he was sitting on something huge and kept pestering him as soon he stepped into the dining room. Despite his mother’s elaborate and well-practiced interrogation methods, he kept his mouth shut. I know your methods, mother but this time I won't give in.

On the other hand, Walburga knew Regulus, too. She knew exactly how to push his buttons but before he could crack, the interview went online and wreaked havoc over the house. It was bad but luckily, in a twisted sense, also bad enough so his mother would suspect this to be his secret, not his brother’s sexuality. For now, he was off this particular hook and had time to bury his secret too deep for anybody to find.

Sirius texted after leaving this morning "Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." Please call me back.

Regulus couldn't. Firstly, he was sure that Sirius hated him now. And justified as it was, he couldn’t hear the prove of it in his brother’s voice. Secondly, the explosion of Walburga and Orion’s wrath, that Regulus fell victim to, left him with the very first black eye his father ever gave him and the promise of his mother to never leave him unsupervised again.

Now, Sirius has to share this special category of their mother with me...

Every of his steps would be watched now, every word he wanted to say conformed to her liking first. Besides, even if he was brave enough to call, his phone was still spied. Due to his new status, he was watched too closely sneak out and get himself a secret one. Also, Sirius had his people to care and comfort him. He did not need him.

I should have seen it coming, shouldn't I? Once again, Regulus chided himself for keeping his head too deep inside his own ass.

He was aware, that the interview most likely hurt his brother deeply and how remorseful Regulus felt about that now, it was the intention. He also expected his parent’s disapproval, to put it in mild words, but what he forgot to consider was the reaction of the media and public. His brother was beloved and not known for the unfair game Regulus accused him of. While the hurting part probably worked out, the Snakes, but especially Regulus, were caught in the crossfire from angry fans. The whole commotion was, of course, dutifully covered by the media, which circled the progress of events like vultures. Besides the shitstorm he evoked, Regulus really didn't expect the Death Eaters to turn their backs on him immediately. It was their idea after all.

So, the public was ripping him apart and his mother only called to check on his behaviour. Why, he did not know, given that was basically grounded. His father was too disappointed to talk to him at all and the Death Eaters resumed being indifferent towards the rookie while the second and third rank of the team gloated on his downfall. If he needed to get somewhere, Narcissa or Bellatrix kept at his side. NHL-salary was rather generous and they didn't have to work, so the women were free to accompany Regulus to everything outside practice and games, except the bathroom. Narcissa was annoyed and bored by babysitting-duty but Bellatrix seemed to enjoy tormenting Regulus.

Too cruel for her level of madness, this one.

He began wishing to talk to his brother even he would receive a lot of shit for messing up.

"Regulus, rappelle moi s'il te plait." Please call me back. Regulus wanted. But he couldn't.

His blissful mornings of light fiction reading didn't bring him peace anymore. His focus outright refused to stay on the books. His family, the Snakes and the interview with its consequences were all over his mind, suffocating everything else. Regulus stopped talking to people. Not that he was talkative to begin with. All the people mingling with his brain in his past couldn't erase his introverted nature. But his ingrained wariness towards others developed into something resembling paranoia.

The longer he thought about how he had let himself be used by the Death Eaters for their nasty operations, the worse it got. Not for the first time, but stronger than ever, Regulus felt not just reluctance but downright refusal to take part in any of this. The spiteful antics of his family and the Snakes were complicated, exhausting and plainly atrocious.

The stupor he seemed to have been all this time ashamed him... he understood Sirius a little better now and he would really like to talk about all of this. But there was no one trustworthy around, not even Mrs. Kreacher would keep quiet if her mother urged her to speak. Slughorn, the team’s psychologist wouldn't keep shut either if Riddle decided he wanted to know what was going on. Medical confidentiality was a mere suggestion, when it came to Riddle.

-oOo-

Christmas drew closer and with it came all the things Regulus deeply despised: Cheesy music and decorations, ridiculous sweaters, forced cheerfulness, glitter and lots and lots of people. People in every place, at every time; there was just no escape.

This gets worse every year, Regulus had trouble to stifle his grumbling while he shuffled through the overcrowded mall Narcissa had dragged him into for Christmas shopping.

Where do all these people stay the rest of the year? Is there a special place they are kept just to be unleashed come December? What is even the use of all that cheap nonsense people throw at each other under the glorified piece of vegetation?

Disgruntled as he was, he had to admit that this hell, specifically designed for him, kept him a little distracted from the upheaval in his brain. Fans and media got bored by Regulus lack of response to the interview and stopped caring somewhere along the increasing lunacy that was the Holiday season.

At least they leave the tea in peace. Regulus eyed the menu in front of him with narrow eyes. Is there even a coffee-like beverage left that is not a sugary winter-themed concoction? Wasn't the pumpkin-spice thing enough? Narcissa needed a break and a "coffee", so they stood in the line of whatever type of coffee-shop chain while Regulus' arms were hung with heaps of shopping bags, contemplating to dig himself a grave in his mother’s garden instead.

-oOo-

The call for All Star with Severus boosted his mood for a while. Rookies rarely got the opportunity to participate and he knew he earned it. He was good enough. But of course, the last rookie to make it to Allstar was Sirius, who else, so again it was nothing worth mentioning at home, barely acceptable. But apparently, it was sufficient to placate his parents back to speaking terms.

The Snakes Christmas-party was just as awful as Regulus had anticipated. He was just informed that Sirius would stay in Gryffindor over the holidays. Not that he could blame him but it stung a little. He just really hoped to be able to finally talk to him but couldn't call on an unmonitored phone as his cousins' watch on him did not subside. He wished he could've stayed at home but it was made clear that his was definitely not an option. Regulus dislikes parties any given day. Disliked polite but meaningless small talk, having to feed on tiny bits of food while standing around and wearing evening attire. The prospect of this party, Regulus didn't dislike. This one, he dreaded. Since Thanksgiving and its aftermath, he distrusted most of the Snakes and avoided any contact outside of practice and while he was talking again to his parents, the trust was gone.

"No ifs ands or buts about it! You go!" Narcissa all but dragged him to the Lestrange Estate, where the party took place.

Orion and Walburga were there, too but mingling around with some important and influential people. Probably collecting more information for their pathetic little feuds. As much as he liked sitting in a theatre balcony like Statler and Waldorf from the Muppet Show, taking the piss out of people, this was getting too far to be considered amusing. Also, there was a reason why Statler and Waldorf were a duo. While never given the opportunity, Regulus suspected that taking the piss off people was more fun together.

The evening went on and the absurd blend of silly games and subtle interrogation subsided into pathetic cockalorum, open hostility and unpleasant jokes as everyone except him got drunker by the minute.

Crabbe and Goyle were the first to succumb into adolescence, reshaping the Christmas pudding into a rather unbalanced pair of -Breasts? Buttocks? A lone scrotum? - while giggling uncontrollably. The same fate awaited about half of the food as the evening went on. The dubious card-game Yaxley and Mulciber were invested with two nameless guys of the third line seemed to change rules by the minute. It came to a sudden halt as Yaxley jumped from his seat and stormed over to Nott, accusing him of flirting with his wife and throwing a badly aimed punch that send a high-priced vase flying instead of crashing into Notts nose. Yaxley’s "wife" was de facto Carrow’s sister while Yaxley’s actual wife was tucked in a different corner, passionately snogging Rabastan Lestrange, Rodolphus' younger brother.

Amidst that ruckus, Dolohov threw up into the glogg bowl.

Regulus leaned against the kitchen counter, decidedly far away from the commotion and stared in disbelief. People... He gave an exasperated huff and allowed himself an actual eyeroll, not just a mental one.

The Death Eaters kept up a bit more dignity. They exclusively stayed in their group, sipping what looked like more expensive booze. Orion was immersed in a conversation with Riddle, Umbridge, Karkaroff and... one of the NHL governors -Fudge? -. Regulus eyebrows went up. Interesting. But no, he would not snoop. He was done with this shit. Much to Regulus´, and judging by his father’s looks, also Orion’s surprise, Narcissa, Bellatrix and his mother showed a lot self-restrain. They mingled with a flock of other hockey wives and it took uncharacteristically long for them -Crabbe, Nott and Mulciber were already passed out, Goyle and Yaxley were close- to cackle and gossip as loudly as at Regulus' draft-party.

Rabastan and Yaxley’s wife were nowhere to be seen and Regulus thought it was rather beneficial that her husband was out cold.

By now, also the -oh so sophisticated- Death Eaters started to act out. Lucius was bickering with Carrow while Macnair drew lopsided phalli on Goyle’s and Crabbe’s faces and a crooked moustache on the bridge of Yaxley’s nose. Close, though.

Severus coaxed Bellatrix out of Walburga’s cutches and started flirting blatantly. Rodolphus watched the scenery with mild interest.

Around the time when one should keep a careful eye on what was on the floor while walking, Regulus snatched himself a piece of the last cake-shaped cake. He was tired and in a sour mood while stabbing at the unsuspecting and innocent slice. Irritated, he thought about his brother, who probably had a lot of fun. While somewhat happy for him, the envy and feeling of abandonment would just not leave, as much as he tried.

Surely, Remus is fucking Sirius' brain out by now.

Regulus' eyes widened.

Did I just say that out loud? His head snapped up, Bella and Severus staring at him, frozen in their tacks. Oh no. Oh no no no nonono! Merde! Shit! Shit shit shit!

But almost instantly the woman doubled over and sputtered vomit all over a very, very drunk Severus, who swore loudly but was unable to wobble away quick enough. Regulus sidestepped the next flood of her sick and excused himself. It was late enough to leave without gaining suspicion. On the way back to Malfoy Manor, he prayed to every deity whose existence he resolutely doubted, that Severus and Bellatrix were too drunk to remember come tomorrow. He considered confessing the maybe/maybe-not slip to his brother. But the call would be noticed and if Severus and Bellatrix indeed forgot about the slip, he would just urge on their memory. Also, his brother would be furious with him and if he ever wanted to make amends with him, wasn't it unwise to piss him off entirely without knowing that it was necessary?

The next days, Regulus was uncharacteristically jumpy. At dinners, he just pushed food around his plate, dreading the things that were to come. But nothing happened. Christmas came around and nothing happened. New Year’s Eve was two days ago, still nothing. If they remembered, I would surely know it by now. Maybe I did not commit the biggest fuck-up of my life.

-oOo-

After hiding out in his childhood room until the All Star-only practices began, Regulus felt somewhat steady. He had arranged himself with the new circumstances, his revised moral-code and set of minds. His life was unsatisfactory and lonely. He was not happy but it was bearable. Practice went well enough. On ice, he could zone-out. What happened in his life was not of importance in the rink. Hockey is about hockey only. Not friendship, not family, only competition. His mantra made it through his mental refurbishment untouched.

What he thought off the ice was written on another sheet of paper.

At of the last All Star-only practices, shit went straight down to hell. The Death Eaters, filling up for Regulus and Severus to practice certain tricks, were in very good spirits. Regulus felt uneasy at the sight of them, huddled together and sneering. Then, he saw it. He looks happy, in love. His brain supplied while looking at the photos before it caught up. The caption, the comments. Regulus went numb, froze on the spot, barely realising he stopped breathing. Things seemed to happen around him but he wasn't part of reality anymore and only snippets penetrated whatever fog surrounded him.

"Thanks for the hint. I finally got the worthless faggot." Severus smirked and threw him an overexaggerated wink while turning to his stall.

His mother called, she was clearly drunk and kept ranting about the shame of Sirius' abnormity gone public and how furious their father was. He didn't bother to really listen but was certain there were no words of support for his brother or concerns about Sirius' feelings. Sirius, who was thrown into the most hateful part of the internet, who just wanted to play hockey and love who he loved, now having his private life on display for the public to rip apart. Their parents, apparently, did not know who let it slip but Regulus was sure, if they ever found out, he was in for more than a black eye.

He desperately wanted to reverse time, make it unhappen but he knew that this was not an option. This was reality.

I messed up. Everything. Je suis désolé mon frère... I am so sorry brother The typical sarcasm and snark usually accompanying Regulus thoughts were long gone.

Mumbling something about extra laps, he turned back to the rink. Nobody said something, nobody came after him. They did not care and that was just what he needed. He ran laps until he was barely able to stay upright, head swimming, thoughts racing around but impossible to grasp, the weight on his chest suffocating. In the shower, Regulus collapsed on the floor. Sitting on the cold tiles, he was breathing hard as remorse, fear and shame mingled together to an unbearable sort of pain. Tears were running down his face, breath only coming in hard chopped sobs.

Weak - disappointing – undeserving of affection - a meagre replacement, just a spare - not good enough - not fast enough - not strong enough - not worthy – unlovable.

These words kept spiralling in his head as he shoved his hands into his hair and pulled hard. His eyes fell on a shattered bottle beside him. Regulus was desperate to make his brain focus on something else, anything to make it stop. He grabbed the bottleneck and rammed the busted end into his thigh. Regulus did not feel the pain. Everything went blank as he watched the blood pour out of his leg and mix with the water on the floor, shower still running.

The silence brought some peace but something Regulus could not grasp felt off as he continued to watch his blood run down his thigh.

#Sweater Weather #lumosinlove #the spare #regulus black #Sirius Black #Remus Lupin #Death Eaters

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