#just to give you an idea of the soundtrack for this installment | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

littlestartemis · 1 month ago

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This is like THE thing I'm most annoying millennial about, but I've decided I'm going to make a guide about this instead of just venting to my friends about it for the Nth time. I am not a fan of spotify. On the surface I already didn't like it, the idea of paying a monthly subscription for a media player that requires an internet connection was abjectly backwards imo. Then I actually used it recently, and I'm even more frustrated, because searching for songs doesn't give you any clear indication on if it's the Actual Song you wanted, or just some rando's remix or something. Not to mention the queue and playlist functions just not working 1/3 of the time, and... yeah.

"Man I wish this artist would release on spotify so I could listen to this song."

"Hey are you gonna put this thing on spotify? I'd really like to listen to it away from my computer/off youtube."

Allow me my one snarky comment here because I feel strongly about this and then the rest of the post will be a polite and detailed guide.

I'm gonna let you all in on a secret, you'll never believe this. There's a method, inside your computer (and phone!), where you can listen to music, any music you want... without the internet. Fuckin wild, right? (Making a break because this ended up being longer than I thought it would)

On your computer, even up to Windows 11, you have a thing called "Windows Media Player" that's just automatically on your computer. And if it's not, for whatever reason, lemme make things even easier for you with a link to install it.

You open it up, and you're greeted with this. (yours obviously won't be filled with FFXIV clips and songs by default, just work with me)

Now, I think everything here is perfectly self explanatory, but I've heard as time's worn on that the younger generations are becoming increasingly poorly taught when it comes to navigating computer programs.

Home is just the first thing you get when you open it. Shows all your recently viewed media on your computer

Music Library is your entire collection of songs in your music folder (we'll get there)

Video Library is the same thing but for video files

Play queue is what you have queued up to play in a list Right Now

Playlists is... the list of playlists you've made

So! Good first step, we have a media player. This thing doesn't need an internet connection, it can make playlists, it can shuffle, it's got it all. But like, how do you actually get songs on it, right? Well, we've got a few methods.

If you're a fan of contemporary/pop music, you've got the easiest time of things. If you're already someone who's ok with paying spotify once a month for their service (which is just a media player with always on internet), you shouldn't have a problem with giving that money directly to the artists you already like the work of instead. Not to mention, on streaming services music can be added and removed at the whim of... really any number of people. Whereas if you get yourself the mp3 file, you own that shit forever.

Most every artist offers a way to buy their music from them directly in album form. For shows, movies, and video games, that can be a little more up in the air, but it's nothing a quick google search of "[media name] original soundtrack download" can't direct you to. My first port of call would be to recommend this site here. Despite the name, it carries an absolutely stupid titanic repository of music downloads, the vast majority of which being for things that either no longer have legal means of purchase, or never had one to begin with. You'll have to download them one at a time if you don't/can't make an account and donate to them, but... that's literally just a time investment. Lil bit of elbow grease.

Now, let's say you're willing to put in that elbow grease, but what you wanted isn't here. Well, you've got an ancient, tried and true method to follow suit on next; youtube conversion. It couldn't be simpler. Copy/paste the url (the funny string of letters numbers and characters in the bar at the top of your browser window) into the thing that says "please paste youtube url here", and press the convert button. You've even got options to change the quality (if you need a smaller file size) and trim a length of time off the beginning or end of it! Again, you'll need to do this one at a time, and via this method you won't get premade names (beyond whatever the yt video's name was) or special album art or whatever. But if all you're after is listening to your music of choice without fucking spotify, that shouldn't be a problem.

And I'm not done yet! Circling back to my earlier comment about "some kids just don't know how to work their computers", some of you may genuinely be asking "what am I supposed to do with these mp3 files after they're on my computer?" We'll start with "where even are they" to begin with. You have something baked into your computer called a "file explorer". I keep mine pinned to my taskbar, but you aughta be able to find it and open it up by searching that name in your start menu

This is what the left side of that File Explorer window aughta look like, more or less. You only need to worry about two of these things here for our purposes; Downloads, with the arrow pointing down at the line, and Music, with the music note in the green circle. By default, anything you download, be it from a converter, more illicit sources, or 100% legal "I bought this from the band's website", is going to go into your Downloads first. (side note, if your computer ever tells you you're running out of space and you're like "what the fuck how??", check your downloads, might need to clear that shit out into the recycle bin) You're gonna move those files from Downloads to Music (I only recently learned that file explorer supports additional tabs now, like browsers! That rules). The simplest method of moving them over though would be to click once on the file, then right click, you'll see a row of pictures at the top of the right click menu, you want the scissors (this is called Cutting). Once you click those scissors, you head over to your Music tab, and in the empty white space, you right click, and at the bottom of the menu you'll see a clipboard with a piece of paper, (that's Paste) click that, and it'll remove that file from Downloads, and move it over to Music.

Your media player program is automatically designed to detect mp3 files inside that Music folder. So, from here, you just need to work the media player!

Open up that Music Library tab in your Media Player, and everything will automatically be grouped Alphabetically, you can change that with "Sort by:" in the top right. Know what else? If you do buy an album (or download one otherwise), it'll recognize that on its own too! You can sift through your collection by Albums at the very top there! So you just wanna listen to an album, you can pop over there, click an album, and...

Play all, right at the top, the red button.

You wanna make a playlist? Right click any song, and in the right click menu you'll see "Add to+", check that, and you'll be prompted to just add it to the now paying queue of songs, or to make a new playlist. Do that, you name it what you want, and now you can just right click-> add any songs you want to that playlist.

Now when it comes to phones, I know most people have iphones, and in that realm... yeah I can't help you sorry. But if you're not, we're in another "this should be on your phone already, and if it's not you can install it". Samsung Music. Open that bad boy up, and

Damn doesn't this look familiar. On my Samsung phone at least, nearly EVERYTHING I just laid out applies to making this all happen just on your phone with no computer. But, if you only download on the computer, and still want this shit on your phone, there's a VERY easy method there too!

Get a USB-C cord, hook up your phone to your computer, and you remember the method I told you for moving those files over from Downloads to Music? Works the exact same for moving things from your computer to your phone. Hell, your phone even has a Music folder of its own! Works the same.

This has been my very long and hopefully helpful PSA about listening to music via methods that don't involve God Damn Spotify. Go enjoy yourselves. Don't pay for shit you don't need to pay for.

#arte-missed the point #tutorial #I guess #how the hell else do I tag this #music

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mlleclaudine · 3 months ago

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En couverture de Vanity Fair: Noémie Merlant, portrait d'une actrice en feu

by Norine Raja - Vanity Fair France, July 24, 2024

Tragic, comic and now erotic: Noémie Merlant continues to prove that she can play anything, including a radically contemporary version of Emmanuelle. But how do you reconcile sensuality and feminism in an era that leaves so little room for nuance? Norine Raja asked her.

Suddenly, the interview’s soundtrack changes drastically. At the café terrace where we're chatting, the lyrics of Maître Gims give way to an electro remix of the familiar melody of Bella Ciao.

Is it a sign? The music seems to have anticipated Noémie Merlant's thoughts: «At one point, I felt trapped. Now, it's like this song: freedom, freedom, freedom!» she says to the beat of the chorus. Has she reached the point of total emancipation? «Not yet, but I’m getting there», she says with a smile.

On this June afternoon, the actress is back home in the Paris suburbs after having attended two festivals in a row – Biarritz and Nantes – to present her second feature film as director, Les Femmes au balcon. Espresso started, unfussy outfit, bag casually laid on the floor, hair in a ponytail. She weighs her words, relishes the silences. Then, the next minute, she rivets you with her electric gaze and makes her point with total conviction. Just try to pigeonhole her. She’s got a 14-year career under her belt and as many different roles: a rebellious teenager in Les Héritiers (2014), a naive aristocrat in Le Retour du héros (2018), a trans man in A Good Man (2020). «She's a perfect blend of precision and abandon», said Céline Sciamma, who directed her in Portrait de la jeune fille en feu (2019). «She can play a powerful woman, but also hint at vulnerability», adds Audrey Diwan, winner of the Lion d’or for L'Événement (2021), who has just directed her in Emmanuelle – more on that later.

Because she remains an enigmatic figure in the public eye, no persona seems too outsized for her. Think she’s limited to dramatic roles? She displays unexpected comedic flair in L'Innocent (2022), in which she plays Louis Garrel's brash best friend: twinkling eyes, a mischievous attitude, raucous laughter. Her feigned nervous breakdown in a highway restaurant is unforgettable. The role (finally) earned her the César for Best Supporting Actress in 2023. Audrey Diwan hasn't forgotten that performance: «Every time she smiles in this film, she turns the world upside down.»

That same year, the filmmaker was working on a remake of Just Jaeckin's Emmanuelle, the famous erotic feature film of the Giscardian era. At the time, Noémie Merlant had never seen this landmark of 1970s sexual revolution, the first installment in a 15-part saga. So she met the director without any preconceived ideas or images. She was inspired by the character. «She must be exhausted in her search for pleasure», she suggested to Audrey Diwan, who offered her the role before the meeting was over. She insisted on watching the original film after shooting was done. Her verdict? «It's a disaster. The first part is interesting, with this open relationship. But then there's a storyline with Emmanuelle and an older man. She gets raped in front of him...»

The film has aged badly, but the 2024 version is free of any misogyny. The look and feel have been modernized. Replacing the postcard Thai décor and its whiff of orientalism is a luxurious Hong Kong setting. Not a young woman pandering to the desires of others, but an ambitious thirtysomething in the throes of self-discovery. A complete reinterpretation, in other words. I hesitate to ask: was she afraid to embrace this character and her sultry aura? She dismisses the idea out of hand: «That never even occurred to me. What interests me these days is working with women directors who are seeking to redefine representations of women, their imagination, their sexuality.»

Céline Dion, her idol

Sorority was Noémie Merlant's guiding principle, long before she became aware of or defined the concept of female solidarity. The daughter of a pair of real estate agents, she grew up in Rezé, a town of 40,000 people near Nantes, in a happy household where television held center stage. Evenings were spent watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and crying over Titanic, she admits with a touch of embarrassment. Like thousands of French people, we'd like to tell her. She is very close to her mother and older sister, who suffers from a disability. To avoid adding to her parents' burdens, Noémie learned not to take up too much space. After years of therapy, she's come to realize: «It's nobody's fault, just the dynamics imposed by society. And then, at the same time, school teaches you not to make waves, society tells women to be well-behaved.»

So she found other means of expression. She was a soloist with the Nantes Conservatoire choir, and dreamed of following in the footsteps of her idol Céline Dion. She also practiced ballet and modern jazz for ten years. Her father was convinced that Noémie was destined for a career in the arts. One day in the mid-2000s, he saw an advertisement for the Cours Florent and encouraged her to try her luck. The 17-year-old was scared, but eventually let herself be convinced. She headed for the capital, where the transition was rather brutal. «When I arrived, I was thinking: “I don't know anyone, I have no culture... What am I going to do?”» She compensated for her imposter syndrome with a thirst for knowledge. Here she lists the directors she needed to catch up with: Bergman, Cassavetes, the great Italian filmmakers like Visconti. And reading? «There's nothing to be done about it, I just can’t», she says frankly.

At the same time, she pursued modeling to «earn money, even if you only got paid in clothes», she says pragmatically. She did photo shoots, fashion shows, and trips without really thinking about it. She didn't want to «bite the hand that fed her», and would realize only much later the full extent of the toll this experience took on her. The «Shut up and look pretty», the memory of being sexually assaulted by a photographer, the feeling that her body was no longer her own. To the point where she weighed only 45 kilos. «That gave me a massive eating disorder, which I'm still trying to overcome. I was anorexic-bulimic for almost ten years. I'm not any more, but I'm still hypervigilant about what I eat, and I'm always careful not to let myself go.»

There was only one thing to do: get out of the fashion world as quickly as possible. Sometimes, it's all about meeting someone. In 2013, the actress auditioned for Les Héritiers, a film by Marie-Castille Mention-Schaar inspired by a true story. It tells the story of how a teacher enrolls her most unruly pupils in a history competition, an experience that will change their worldview. Noémie Merlant was 24, but looked young enough to play the class rebel, wearing a leather jacket and with headphones on. On set, the filmmaker was impressed by her talent and intense presence.

Filming with Desplechin

A year later, another text message: «Would you be available to meet? I'd like to talk to you.» [Mention-Schaar] offered her the role of an average young girl, radicalized by jihadists, in Le Ciel attendra. To prepare for the role, Noémie Merlant met with teenage girls in the process of deradicalization, and tried to understand their mindset. «We found girls from all social backgrounds, cultures and religions. For many of these teenagers, there was the feeling of being misunderstood by society, but also frequently the beginnings of anxiety about death and shame. The desire for an ideal, for something unconditional, even in love stories.» The film was released in a volatile context, less than a year after the attacks on November 13. But the actress took a cleareyed view of this phenomenon, which she believed revealed youth in search of meaning.

This total commitment paid off: in 2017, she was nominated for a César in the Most Promising Actress category. In an interview filmed around this time, she appears smiling and fulfilled. Well aware, too, that the road ahead is fraught with pitfalls: «The hardest thing is to maintain self-confidence, even when you don't believe in yourself, or when you have periods of emptiness.»

What was Noémie Merlant dreaming of at this very moment? When asked about whom she’d like to collaborate with, she almost mechanically cited Arnaud Desplechin or Abdellatif Kechiche. She didn't know it yet, but the revolution would be born in a female microcosm. In 2019, the young woman played a painter hired to create the likeness of an aristocrat (Adèle Haenel) in Portrait de la jeune fille en feu. Céline Sciamma's fourth feature is an incredibly intimate costume drama: a manor house, a cliff overlooking the sea and just four characters. At first, the actress was confused by the script: «Conflicts are nonexistent or immediately defused.» The absence of dominance hierarchies unsettled her: there were no saviors or anyone being saved; there were creators but no muses. «Just a gentleness and a wonderful equality. And in spite of everything, there’s an exciting story full of surprises. That's what makes it so powerful.» A head-on collision between two great actresses, where their eyes meet, sizing each other up, caressing each other. Like when Noémie Merlant’s character places a mirror between her lover's thighs, then sketches her self-portrait.

A box-office success across the Atlantic and a critical triumph, the film was in the running for ten awards at the 2020 Césars. But on the evening of the ceremony, one name brought all the tensions into focus: Roman Polanski. The director, who is currently facing several rape allegations, had been nominated in several categories for his film J'accuse. French cinema had never been so fractured. Adèle Haenel, who revealed that she had been molested as a child by director Christophe Ruggia, was in shock. For her, honoring Polanski was tantamount to «spitting in the face of all victims». No one heeded her: the filmmaker won the prize for best director, to the applause of part of the audience. «Someone shouted: “Well done!” recalls Noémie Merlant. It was clearly a response to Adèle's speaking out.» In protest, the cast of Portrait de la jeune fille en feu left the auditorium, after shouting a resounding «Shame!» In the wake of her commitment, Adèle Haenel announced her retirement from cinema in 2023. Has Noémie Merlant thought about following her example? «It wasn't easy to keep going, she acknowledges. I admire Adèle's courage. But staying is also a way of continuing the fight.» The actress has no illusions about the seventh art. No promotional newspeak, no generalities or shortcuts in her remarks. Even when she salutes the «extraordinary people» she has worked with, she qualifies that with «but that's not always the case». You get the sense that she is torn between the desire to talk about her difficult experiences and the fear of endless controversy. She mentions «casting directors, actors, who promise you things». How do you recognize them?  «Thanks to my experience as a model, I'm like a fish that spots the hook before the worm.»

Portrait de la jeune fille en feu «changed everything» for her. She set off in search of more meaningful roles. She reassessed her place not only in cinema, but also in the world. She reflected on «patriarchal oppression», confronted the traumas that resurfaced. «Even my relationship dynamic no longer suited me.» She left her partner at the time and moved in with Sanda Codreanu, a friend from the Cours Florent. She hesitates over the precise terms, but speaks of «escape» and «sanctuary». In this haven, words flow freely and bodies are liberated. They laugh as much as they talk about the violence they've suffered. She, who used to move from one relationship to another, embraced a new perspective on relationships. Why should romantic love count for more than friendships? Why force yourself to have sex to please the other person? Noémie Merlant now knows what she wants... or rather what she doesn't want. These days, she's in a «healthy, unstructured» relationship. She adds: «We're not afraid to experience things separately. The important thing is that each of us is fulfilled.»

The Cate Blanchett method

Recovery also involves the body. Onscreen nudity doesn't bother her. «There are fewer and fewer actresses who agree to undress, which I understand. But I don't have any issue with it, so I'm happy to go for it. I think there are things to explore and advocate for in this freedom.» She asserts her willingness to explore eroticism and sexuality through the eyes of other directors. Female desire in all its forms is a common thread running through her filmography: she develops an attraction to an amusement park ride in Jumbo, plays a writer infatuated with a libertine photographer in Curiosa.

For a long time, sex scenes had been reduced to a few lines in a script and improvised on set. In Jacques Audiard's Les Olympiades, the ballet of bodies is carefully designed. Playing a thirtysomething woman who becomes fascinated by a camgirl, Noémie Merlant was coached by choreographer Stéphanie Chêne. She learned to abandon dialogue in favor of her gaze and body language. For the first time, she thought about her character's movements. «It allows you to feel safe and to work with respect above all else. And so you can go further, seeking precision through imagination.» Farewell to the good little girl. She avoids tyrannical filmmakers, those who push the actors' limits. At one point, when a director tried to manipulate her to extract emotions, she almost walked off the set. «I made him understand that I was making this film above all for pleasure and for creativity, and that I couldn't accomplish anything with that kind of method. In the end, it turned out well, but I wish I hadn’t had to go through that.» It was like revenge for all those outbursts she’d had to swallow.

Behind the camera, Noémie Merlant has also chosen irreverence. In her second feature, Les Femmes au balcon, she imagines a Marseilles-style Rear Window, somewhere between comedy and outright gore. The pitch: three girlfriends have fun spying on their mysterious neighbor across the street, with whom they develop a relationship that goes beyond exhibitionism. It was difficult for her to find an actress who would agree to film naked, until she came across the luminous Souheila Yacoub. One question nagged at her: how to film a body without sexualizing it? First, by disarming the issue with humor. «Right from the start, I give the viewer a heads-up: “Here you go, boobs. Now that you've had a good look at them, let's move on.”» She also uses the expression «shirtless» for women, a way of denouncing double standards. There's no idealizing of her heroines' bodies. She films them in their everyday lives, in positions that are not always flattering, and welcomes a touch of vulgarity. «It's a form of sincerity as well.»

Taking risks is finally paying off. In the last couple of years, Noémie Merlant has turned a corner in her career. Like Marion Cotillard, Adèle Exarchopoulos and Juliette Binoche, she is now sought out by foreign filmmakers. In 2021, Todd Field sent her the script for Tár. And for a significant role. She plays the assistant to a famous orchestra conductor, starring opposite Cate Blanchett – and speaking perfect English. An intimidating experience? Idolization is not her style: «It's important to demystify people who are in the limelight.» Still, she took the time to observe Cate Blanchett in action. The way she handled a complicated sequence shot or filmed the same scene twenty times without complaining. Her ability to juggle lessons: piano, German, baton handling. «There's no mystery. It's all about the love of the craft, precision and the quest to relinquish yourself to the role.» She adds, a bit idealistically: «Often the ones who succeed are also good people... Not always, but I prefer to tell myself that.»

Yet Noémie Merlant has no desire to sacrifice her whole life for her profession. For a long time, she took one role after another, as if for fear of missing out or being forgotten. These days, her priorities have changed. «I want to do Qua-li-ty», she says with a smile and a funny inflection. Wouldn't this be a good time to enjoy it, too? Her financial situation now allows her to help her family. She has adapted her house to accommodate her father, who has been in a wheelchair since having a stroke in 2009. She has helped her parents find a new home, and paid for outside help to relieve her «very exhausted» mother. How does her father view her success today? «He's very, very, very proud. He tells himself that he was lucky, because it might not have worked out.» He follows every step of her career, keeping track of every press article. «He's definitely going to be handing out Vanity Fair to all his friends.» You can sense her admiration for this close-knit clan, for their ability to face adversity. A few years ago, she took out her camera to film them in their daily lives, around Christmas time. She has started editing, but still has some work to do. Recently, she went back to the rushes, but hasn't managed to finalize the project. Perhaps it's too intimate. I propose a hypothesis: what if she had primarily sought to freeze time? She continues: «There's something interesting about the way they talk, the way they live, with a lot of humor and joy in spite of everything. I want to share this story, because it can do a lot of people good.» Could this be the next step toward freedom?

[Please don’t repost this anywhere, in part or in whole. Feel free to reblog, or at least cite your source and provide a link back here. Asking permission would be nice in an ideal world, but I’m a realist – I know far too well how easy it is to appropriate stuff on Tumblr. I would be the first to admit that my translations are not perfect – there are some words and phrases that simply do not drop neatly into an equivalent in English, and I constantly fix typos and make changes or corrections in older posts – but they do take a lot of work and time. Thanks for understanding. - C.]

h/t @morningmightcomebyaccident - thank you, Grey!

#Noémie Merlant #Les Femmes au balcon #Emmanuelle #L'Innocent #Portrait of a Lady on Fire #Céline Sciamma #Les Olympiades #TÁR #Vanity Fair France #July 2024 #thank you‚ Grey!#long post #my translation

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bookinit02 · 1 year ago

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s5 script info/faq

hi guys! in exactly a week, i'm going to start posting my original stranger things s5 script. here's a general info/faq post for easy reference :)

about the script:

what: this script is designed to be a culmination of my ongoing rewrite series, which is a fanfic version of each season of stranger things, written through the lens of alternating byler pov. since season 5 hasn't released yet, and we've still got a ways to go, i decided to write an original script to base my last installment off of. the script will be 10 episodes, at about 60 pages each, and serve as a companion to my season 5 fic.

where: script episodes will be posted here on my tumblr, and be linked to a pinned post (which will go up in a few minutes). fic chapters will be posted on my ao3, as usual.

when: currently, i'm planning to have at least one post a week: the script episode will release on a sunday, and then the two accompanying chapters on the next two fridays. so, for example, the first few releases will look like this: script 1 on sunday 9/3, chapter 1 on friday 9/8, and chapter 2 on friday 9/15. this gives you about a week to read each new post! of course, you can read however you'd like: script first, or fic first, depending on your preference. i decided to post the scripts first to try and mimic the rest of the rewrite experience: "watching" the show, then reading the fic. if there's any schedule delays due to typical life stuff, i'll let you guys know!

frequently asked questions:

will the script cover every plotline?: yep! with 60 pages per episode, there's a bit of time dedicated to every character, as much as i can feasibly manage. of course, this means that the script will be less byler-focused than the fic series has been (but still more than the original show, lol). but not to worry—the fic companion will add extra scenes and plenty of byler content. this also means that some of the plots will only be accessible through the script, as the fic is entirely from byler pov. but it's still up to you whether you would like to read or not!

will there be any character deaths?: i'm going to answer this right now: there will be no character deaths. i want the script to be realistic, but it's also my version, and i always try to give my characters happy endings :) this doesn't mean that there won't be some close calls, though. we'll have to see. :)

will there be a playlist?: yes! i've spent some time testing out playlists for the first two episodes, and they're both fully completed. they'll be linked along with the script, along with a timing guide for anyone (like me) who likes being insane about the details. playlists are always tricky because everyone reads at different speeds, so i've written out which scenes go with each song, and you can skip along as needed. if you prefer not to listen with music, of course you don't have to—though i will say that most songs are just soundtrack instrumentals to set the mood :) it might be a little finicky, so i'm sorry in advance! i'll always try to perfect them as much as possible before posting.

will you do another rewrite after s5 releases?: currently, i'm planning on it. of course, we have no idea how much longer it's going to take, or what exactly will happen in canon (or in life), but if i'm in a place to write fic, then yes! i'll do a typical rewrite and add it to the end of my series, so you guys can have your choice of endings :)

how do we leave comments?: if you want to leave a comment on the script, i'm happy to receive them in asks, messages, or post comments! you can also leave them on the fic chapters if you'd like. edit 9/1: you should be able to leave comments in the google doc! be mindful of what account you are using, as these comments will be public. for a more comprehensive comment policy, click here.

do i have to read the rest of the rewrite series first?: reading the rest of the rewrite isn't necessary, but it is a good idea. i know it's a lot to read, so don't feel pressured, just know that some things might not make as much sense without the prior context! my rewrite series is pretty canon-compliant, but a lot of relationship dynamics are developed in a very specific way, and we pick up right where we left off at the end of a new place to be from. so, essentially: no, but you'll probably want to.

do i have to read the script?: definitely not. if you prefer to just read the fic, you absolutely can! it'll make sense on its own, you might just miss out on some of the extra plotlines and context.

that's about all i can think of for now—if you have any questions that weren't answered in this post, please send me an ask and i'll edit this post to include your question! i've been working on this project for a few months now, and i'm really excited to share it with you guys :) thank you all for giving it a shot! see you next sunday <3

#rewrite #s5 script #the end is here #< that is the new tag btw #pinned post coming in a sec :)

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miloscat · 1 year ago

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[Review] Bomb Rush Cyberfunk (PS5)

Jet Set Radio Future 2 is here, and it's all I ever wanted.

When Team Reptile made Lethal League and—more precisely—its sequel, they did an excellent job capturing the feel and aesthetic of Sega's Jet Set Radio games in a new genre. Now they've only gone and bloody done it - made an actual Jet Set Radio homage game, and it's an absolute stunner! Specifically, this is a pitch-perfect pastiche of Jet Set Radio Future, acting as a sequel to the 2002 classic in all but name, and since that particular instalment is a personal favourite of mine, I couldn't be happier.

BRC seems to deeply understand what was great about JSRF and then faithfully and lovingly recreates it, with some new ideas and refinements to boot. In case you need catching up, it's a sort of urban street punk adventure: you get around, grind, and trick on inline skates, tag graffiti all over, contest with rival gangs, and avoid the overzealous police force. The world is colourful and detailed but a bit low-poly with a cel-shaded filter, and levels are set up as huge skatepark playgrounds. All the while a soundtrack of fresh beats including hip-hop, house, and electropop accompanies you.

In BRC the structure of story-related tasks broken up by exploration returns, the levels full of collectibles to give you new colour schemes, music tracks, graffiti designs, etc. as well as just setpieces to "platform" around. A fast-travel system helps you get between areas, some of which replay the hits of JSRF while others explore new territory like a mall complex or industrial oil rig; the setting of New Amsterdam nods to the developer's Dutch origin but in practice it feels like it would easily fit in Tokyo-to (disclaimer, I have never visited The Netherlands). In addition to skates you have skateboards and BMX, each one having slightly different manoeuvrability plus the chance to open certain doors in the game world: for example, a skateboard can trick on fire hydrants to get elevated to a handful of secret areas. This gives more of a reason to have different ones on hand but can feel like an arbitrary passkey check.

Movement is aided by the new boost pack mechanic, which gives you an enormously useful air-dash. A boost meter gives you some speed but can also freshen up trick combos and extend your manual, while it's refilled by tricking (like in Sonic Rush), so doing these cool lines and combos feeds back into movement in a satisfying way. Cans have been done away with entirely so you can tag at any time without worry, and graffiti minigames have actually been brought back from the original JSR, except here they're super quick and snappy, and your inputs determine which of your unlocked tags goes up which keeps the visuals fresh.

A handy new feature is the flip-phone menu (reminiscent of The Arcane Kids' vaguely JSR-esque Zineth). It's great for flavour but also lets you get tips from teammates or contact new recruits, check out your range of graffiti designs and how to write them, consult a persistent minimap while highlighting tag spots, or change the currently playing music. And speaking of the soundtrack, it's sublime, a heady mix and perfect tonal accompaniment that even includes three tracks from the funky uncle himself Hideki Naganuma (much like Hover before it)... and if you ask me they're some of his best.

Another way BRC expands slightly on JSRF's template is a bit more emphasis on plot, with a central mystery revolving around recently-decapitated protagonist Red, his new cyberhead, and his connections to the previous top dogs in the city's counterculture. This framing fumbles at times, but it gives more purpose to your interactions with other rudies and conflicts with the cops, and interstitial sequences between chapters lets the game reinterpret JSRF's surreal climax in a dream context.

I've been eagerly awaiting this game and as a big fan of JSRF it didn't disappoint. BRC takes everything I loved about that (now slightly creaky and inaccessible) game and gives it a fresh coat of paint. I've seen people gripe about the price and playtime but both are about on par with the game that it styles itself as a love letter to, so it would be disingenuous of me to complain about either. Better by far to celebrate what an awesome achievement this game is in recapturing a unique classic while brilliantly modernising it. Bomb Rush Cyberfunk reminds me why I love video games.

#bomb rush cyberfunk #jet set radio #indie #review #ps5 #team reptile

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megumi-fm · 10 months ago

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this week on megumi.fm ▸ internship week 1!!!

📋 Tasks

💻Internship ↳ setup and install dependencies ✅ ↳ RNA-seq pipeline // learn HISAT ✅ ↳ RNA-seq pipeline // learn FastQC ✅ ↳ read papers [4/5] ✅ ↳ attended a talk on HIV treatment! ↳ got assigned to a project!! super cool!! 📧Application-related ↳ apply for experience letter from prev internship ✅

📅 Daily-s

🛌 consistent sleep [7/7] 💧 good water intake [7/7] 👟 exercise [7/7] (somedays it's just 15min but i was unwell this week so it counts)

Fun Stuff this week

🐤 the campus I'm interning at is so pretty! i spotted a lot of different birds 🎮 been really obsessed with js and small game dev recently, so I've been reading a lot about it [ 🔗 / 🔖 / 🧷 / 🎐 ]. I also have this game idea in my head, and I've kind of started to work on it 🧊 Also checked out this really cool collection of signs you see in the South Pole 📺 ongoing: Marry my Husband, Cherry Magic Th, Last Twilight 📺 binged: A Good Day to be a Dog, Only Just Married 📹 My lifesaver video of the week

📻 This week's soundtrack

Still learning the choreo of this one . I have very little left to learn but internship has me busy whoops TXT and ZB1 brainrot hours [ 🤍 /💙 / 🖤 / 💜 / 💚 ]

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[Jan 8 to 14; week 2/52 || I've been awkward at the lab but I'm reminding myself that it's still the first week and it's just a matter of time. a lot of people have been really nice to me though! I made a new friend here and I enjoy her company a lot!!! I also really like the work I'm doing, and it really gives me an opportunity to learn new tools and algorithms, and improve my coding skills like ive been meaning to for a while now. we meet again, bash and python. clearly, none of this work has stopped me from binge watching asian dramas; what can I say, I'm having a good time xD ]

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kiss-my-freckle · 9 months ago

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Most episodes are written like their seasons - they end opposite how they start. This is the 2nd installment of my 14 episode series post. For those who don't know me, you can take and use my gifs any time you want.

3x2: The Hybrid

3x2 opens on Damon having no hope of saving Stefan. 3x2 ends on Damon having the hope he needs of saving Stefan.

Elena outs her love to Damon in a single scene, and it's so random, fans wouldn't expect it. Best refer to 1x21 as I speak to this episode because that's how real it is.

"Damon, we've got to get out of here. We gotta get out of these mountains, now! Damon, now!"

This is Elena outing her love to Damon. You have to view this scene as you'd view Isobel threatening Elena, only they went into Ray's town and Ray is threatening Damon.

As I go over this Defan scene, best to include their 3x1 soundtrack - Are We There Yet by Ingrid Michaelson. I say this because seasons are often written opposite how they start. Best to know what "home" is to Elena because the writers are showing it.

"Why don't you get her home?"

(♪ They say that home is where the heart is ♪)

"See if you could keep her there this time."

I know fans like to disregard Stefan's actions in season 3, but know that he blames himself for Delena because he has reason to. He is to blame. Yes, Stefan pushed Damon and Elena together. And yes, Stefan knew what he was doing. Do not disregard this scene because Stefan is telling Damon what Katherine told Elena in 2x22. "It's a good thing you have Damon to keep you company." By this, I mean Stefan is flat-out telling Damon to keep Elena company. Literally giving Damon permission to keep her company. That's what Stefan means when he tells Damon to take her home and keep her there. So when you get this response from Damon, know that Stefan is half the reason he's in Elena's bedroom.

Stefan has absolutely no idea that Elena is in love with Damon as he gives Damon permission to keep her company. Elena outing her love to Damon is the other reason he's in her bedroom.

This scene is Stefan's second push. His first push was killing Andie, all-knowing she was Damon's distraction from Elena. And yes, these pushes continue. Damon isn't about holding Elena back, that's why he takes her to Chicago in the very next episode. He isn't gonna take her home and keep her there. He's not gonna keep her anywhere. He's gonna keep her, period.

This scene is hilarious to me. Damon is rushing to get Elena in the car because he knows she's in love with him. He's like… Elena, you don't wanna do this here. Not in front of Alaric, and certainly not when Stefan could be watching lol

This is Elena's love for Damon -

This is Elena fighting her love for Damon -

Fighting one's love requires resisting temptation. The closer Damon gets to Elena, the more tempting he is. Best to understand this now because she continues to fight her feelings for him.

This is Damon pushing Elena to confess. (Tell me you love me) -

"But before I do, I need you to answer one question. What made you change your mind?"

This is Damon pushing Elena to confess. (Tell me you love me) -

"You were so hellbent on staying on that mountain, then you just gave up. So what changed your mind?"

This is Damon pushing Elena to confess. (Tell me you love me) -

"It was too dangerous going out there to begin with, so what was it?"

This is Damon pushing Elena to confess. (Tell me you love me) -

"What changed your mind, Elena?"

"I didn't want to see you get hurt, okay? I was...I was worried about you."

This is Elena confessing her love for Damon, and for the first time. Yes, you read that correctly. You don't have to believe me, but you should because I'm being serious. Not only is Elena terrified of loving him, she's fighting her love for him. So yes, this is how she would confess her love to him. When I say she's terrified of loving him, trust I mean it. That fear is shown even in her confession.

This is Elena's fear of loving Damon -

Her body language is just as important because her fear doesn't simply go away. She's ruled by it. Just watch her face, her body. Listen to her words, how her voice shakes. Everything you need to see and hear is there.

Because Damon is the "bad" brother, he's not the brother you take home to meet the parents. Understand this, you'll understand why Elena is terrified of loving him. Damon is specific with how he approaches Elena's feelings for him. In this episode, he pushes Elena to confess her feelings rather than put those words in her mouth. Because Damon is specific with his approach to her feelings, expect some of these 3x2 gifs to end up in my post for 3x3.

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randomvarious · 2 years ago

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Today’s compilation:

Now That's What I Call Music! 2 1999 Alternative Rock / Adult Contemporary / Pop-Rock / Teen Pop / Pop / R&B / Hip Hop

Back with another dispatch from the early run of the US' Now That's What I Call Music!, with the second installment from this gargantuan, neverending series. Take yourself all the way back to 1999 with this great ad for it!

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Now, I definitely have not kept up with Now for a long while, but as a series that's known for repackaging huge chart hits on CD, I think this might have been its most unique volume of all, because a lot of these songs did not end up charting all that high in the US—at least not on Billboard's Hot 100—and a number of them actually fared far, far better in the UK, which is where Now originated from, with its first ever release dating back to 1983.

A prime example here is Robbie Williams' great pop hit, "Millennium." Williams is regarded as an absolute pop superstar in the UK, but he's only charted twice as a solo act on the Hot 100 in the US, and both of those singles have failed to reach the top 50. This one, which pairs recreated dreamy strings from James Bond's You Only Live Twice theme with a hip hop-type backbeat, only made it to #78, but it was a #1 hit across the pond! And I think outside of all that well-made, Swedish-produced teen pop/boy band fare, this one very well might've been the best pure pop song of the entire late 90s. The use of those epic Bond strings smacks of The Verve's "Bitter Sweet Symphony" too, which certainly suggests that there's something about Brits and those damn strings.

And another #1 UK smash that didn't do nearly as well in the States was Fatboy Slim's irresistible big beat summer classic, "Praise You," which sampled from a lot of different places, including a Disney disco record, a JBL test album to get those iconic keys, Steve Miller Band, the Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids theme, and a song by Chicagoan Camille Yarbrough called "Take Yo' Praise," from which Fatboy Slim took the lyrics. There was a whole undercurrent of this big beat stuff that was coursing through a lot of our commercials and movie and video game soundtracks back then, led by acts like Fatboy Slim himself, the Chemical Brothers, and The Prodigy. But it never went super mainstream like it did in the UK. Fatboy Slim's singles only charted twice in the US on the Hot 100, and "Praise You" was the best-performing one, making it to #36.

By the way, I have a really killer turn-of-the-millennium-type summer playlist on Spotify that has a bunch of songs like "Praise You" on it. It's called "An Endless Capri Sun or Juicyfruit or Starburst Commercial From Like the Summer of 2002," which will hopefully give you an idea of the type of vibe that I was trying to channel with it. God, I love that sun-shining big beat stuff!

And color me surprised to hear Jay-Z on here, because until 2001, Now pretty much seemed to purposely go out of its way to avoid hip hop altogether. I guess it makes sense though, since the music usually has explicit themes, and these albums are typically targeted at kids. But they really just couldn't help themselves when it came to Jay-Z's first real, true breakout hit in "Hard Knock Life" here. Mark the 45 King's novel sampling of the song of the same name from Annie made this one feel very kid-friendly and fun to sing along to, despite the numerous lyrics that had to be censored from it to get it on radio in the first place. Funny, though, that in a very American 90s way, and in a pre-onset-of-mass-shootings era, that they'd let a line like, "when my situation ain't improvin', I'm tryina’ murder everything movin'" slide through without any kind of edit. I mean, if they're playing this song on radio now, I'm thinking that that line gets hit with some kind of sound effect. But it didn't in '98 and '99, and that feels pretty remarkable in hindsight, especially since hip hop verses were constantly censored on radio, MTV, and BET, so much so that some songs felt like the track was getting jammed up at certain points 😅.

So, honestly, this might be the most unique release that Now ever put out in its main US series, as it seems to be the volume that's the least concerned with overall chart success among its selections. It still comes with some staples you'd expect, from Britney's "...Baby One More Time" to Everclear's "Father of Mine," effectively running a small radio gamut from the poppiest of pop to the most banal of alternarock, but acts like Robbie Williams, Fatboy Slim, Garbage, and even Cake are on here, and as an entity that's chiefly known for presenting the *biggest* pop hits of the day, those are probably some names that you wouldn't typically expect to be on a US release from this series.

And it closes with that odd Baz Luhrmann spoken-word advice column about wearing sunscreen that you might have totally forgotten about too. That one's probably the most ephemeral song of all on here; the ultimate entry in any sort of 'only 90s kids will remember these songs' type of list.

Hopefully you get a sweet memory-jogged nostalgia rush from some of these other songs I didn’t make mention of.

Highlights:

Britney Spears - "...Baby One More Time" New Radicals - "You Get What You Give" Robbie Williams - "Millennium" Semisonic - "Closing Time" U2 - "The Sweetest Thing (Single Mix)" Fatboy Slim - "Praise You (Radio Edit)" Garbage - "I Think I'm Paranoid" Cake - "Never There" 98° - "Because of You" Mýa & Blackstreet feat. Ma$e & Blinky Blink - "Take Me There" Everclear - "Father of Mine" Sublime - "What I Got (Clean Version)" Backstreet Boys - "I'll Never Break Your Heart" Jay-Z - "Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem) (Edit)" Baz Luhrmann - "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) (Edit)"

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nicolos · 9 months ago

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Hi, this is very random but I LOVE your edits!! SO SO much!! And I wanted to ask (if you feel like elaborating but no pressure!) about your editing process (I am a complete newbie). I am in awe of the connections you draw in your edits - do you first choose a song and then try to match the content to it or the other way around? And if you don't mind me asking which program do you use? And how do you get clean audio without the background music? ((I would greatly appreciate your advice if it wouldn't be too much of a burden, wishing you the loveliest of days<3))

hi there!! first off this is so sweet, and I really appreciate hearing that you like my edits!it's always so exciting to get that kind of feedback, esp since video edits arent smth ive done a Lot of or my primary form of fanwork, i guess

For some elaboration - I assume you mean the black sails edits (?), so I'm going to be answering for those. On the whole, I don't have a super well-defined process, so it definitely varies edit to edit, but in general, I tend to work off themes or ideas rather than audio! Especially since I'm not usually working with lyrics, in which case it would be a totally different story.

A lot of my black sails edits specifically are about highlighting a specific theme and how its paralleled over the show, so finding parallels usually is just me trying to remember different scenes which demonstrate the same concept, kind of. I have a file of the whole shows subtitles pasted into one place, so I do a lot of Ctrl+f with keywords (the 'you and i' video was built off literally just that) - and then try to arrange it in a way that makes sense for the BS narrative as well as the point im trying to make in the video. i also really love finding completely different conversations that feel like call and response, and setting them up against each other. Parallels! Contrasts! Etc

I try to work with an audio already in mind, though, generally, just because the flow is kind of determined by that. I didn't for the partners video, and I think it's a bit weaker for it, though i did adjust the music to suit it later. Picking a song if I have a theme in mind is really just going thru my soundtracks playlist, which is like 30% of all music I listen to, and picking smth with a vibe that fits + a pace and length that I think the video will match. (Sometimes I will also just cut the song down a bit)

The program I use is kdenlive, which is an free and open source video editing tool! It's not got quite as many features as smth like davinci resolve, but I find it works for my purposes, which are really just cropping, pasting, and a tiny bit of sharpen/recolour. that said kdenlive has a bunch of other features and options that I simply don't use and also don't know how because I haven't experimented, so its not like snip and move clips around is All you can do with it.

re: the background audios... this one is actually a process lol. i have high qual versions of all the BS eps with 6 channel audio, and ive made versions of each episode where ive isolated the central channel which usually has dialogue. however this channel also will have some slight background music or ambient sounds, so it's not really just the dialogue - but it works for the purposes of the video, where lower sounds like that may get hidden by music anyway. ymmv, it depends scene to scene, but I don't need it to be perfectly clean so it works for me. Ive isolated these channels through ffmpeg, which is a command prompt based editing thing, and isn't difficult to learn but isn't exactly the most user-friendly thing, i guess? However I understand ( @dykementality confirm?) that davinci resolve lets you just isolate audio channels of any clip you're editing, so like, that's an option. i Can give more detailed instructions on ffmpeg, or at least on the code that I use to make files w isolated audio, though honestly I've forgotten how to install ffmpeg (though it can't have been too difficult or I wouldn't have bothered)

I hope that helped you a little, pal! If you have any further clarification I'd be happy to help w/ what I know! And I hope you have a wonderful day also!

#answered #anonymous

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isabellarosestudio6 · 3 months ago

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Week 6: Making

Taking the still and video adverts from research this week, and isolating the text in new formats:

Document form (continuing the style of previous A4 page works this year). View the whole series of 37 pages on Canva:

Examples:

As a video work:

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This video work consists of the text mentioned before from various adverts, set against the soundtrack from the promotional film "Tomorrow Always Comes" presented by Newform and Manhattan Undergarment Company inc.

The soundtrack here has been slowed down to half-speed, whilst maintaining the same pitch throughout, giving the video a rather haunting effect. Words exaggerated twice as long, droning orchestral scores, outdated beliefs made all the more noticeable.

The text here has also been set to mimic relaxing slow breathing patterns (breath in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, breath out for 8 seconds), washing in and out of the film in a rather hypnotic manner. The rhythm is engaging and somewhat relaxing, if you force yourself to sit with the work for a bit.

Further reflections:

These things together hopefully draw attention to the power of media and film, its ability to spread narratives about women/society/gender roles.

As a viewer here, hopefully the work manages to create an uneasy and slow space, asking observers to pause and sit with various feelings as outdated ideas wash across them in the form of capitalist advertisements

Sitting with this work myself, I also noticed how much more graspable/noticeable certain advertising techniques are (such as the weaponisation of human shame, desire, pleasure) here, as many of the ideas the adverts are relating to are now outdated.

There is a sort of haunting feeling of this media/consumerist/capitalist machine working to guilt/shame/entice people into buying products. Playing on human emotions for profit of big business.

These adverts tend to quite clearly: 1. present an issue (they've created) to the consumer, 2. describe how the consumer should feel about this issue (ashamed, enticed, guilty), 3. present the solution in terms of a new product they can buy.

Next steps:

At the moment, I am also interested in ideas of theatre/theatricality, nostalgia and escapism. I think in a way, these adverts also tie into these notions, often presenting an escape for an emotional or physical problem, or playing into fantasy/glamour, as a way of escaping/upgrading your life.

Personally, I've found that I've always had slight escapist tendencies or a preference for the theatrical at times. Theatre & live performance has always been the better part of life for myself. An escape from emotional/physical problems. A cure to the aversion of mundane life. I have a tendency to wish to dedicate myself to things that seem larger than me as an individual (past-religions, various spiritual practices, classical ballet- all of which are rather cult like).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm interested in how/why people turn to these escapist pathways, particularly with theatricality.

Now, with this work, I would like to draw further attention to this theatricality (in media/film/advertisting) through how this work is displayed.

I've also thought further on my use of the A4 writers page, which I have enjoyed, but perhaps is not quite right?

The idea I've come to is using a projector (connections to cinema/film projection) to display the work on a piece of hanging perplex

Examples from Google Images:

Display method:

Here I envision the work not just as the projection alone, but potentially as an installation in which the projector itself is also an object apart of the art piece.

Hopefully this hanging projection of words will appear slightly surreal, levitating in the middle of the gallery.

Like a billboard, or opening to a film.

#Youtube

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fluffy-critter · 1 year ago

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#crosspost #busybee

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amoveablejake · 2 years ago

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My Five Key Songs of May 2023

Rounding off spring.

Most months when I write these introductions to the key songs pieces I say how I can’t believe how we’re already here at the round up. For the last couple of months, they have felt very long indeed and as I look back now it does feel like my trip to Paris was a stretch ago but May, I’m not entirely sure where its gone. When I was looking over my May playlist it felt almost like I hadn’t spent much time with the songs in it at all. Ofcourse, I have spent countless hours with them but I think May have just rolled on and all the music has blended with it. There was however, a clear choice to be my song of the month but before we get there, lets take a look at what other tracks make the list.

First up, ‘Work’ by Gang Starr.

They say that first impressions are key and I suppose that is true but sometimes, what matters is the second or third take. For instance, I tried to read ‘The High Republic: Light of the Jedi’ twice without it clicking before returning to it over the past month where now it clicked so much I couldn’t put it down and I am now on book three of the series. As for Gang Starr, when I first started to listening to their music, don’t get me wrong, I liked them, but they never really made my monthly playlists. For whatever reason though I was drawn to Gang Starr one Friday a couple of weeks ago and they ended up providing the soundtrack to the day and now their work is really clicking with me so much so, I find myself wondering what I was thinking about before. But really, I kind of like when something doesn’t click right away because it means that when you do really get in sync with it, it almost feels like you have earned the connection. Whilst Gang Starr may not be the key song of the month this time around, I have a feeling that will change at some point during the year.

Second up to bat, ‘Across the Stars’ by John Williams.

As I mentioned above, I have been reading quite a few Star Wars novels over the past month or so, ever since Celebration really, and often when I am reading my novels I am listening to Star Wars soundtracks to help build the atmosphere. One song from the soundtracks however, that always leads me away from the page and to truly listen to it is ‘Across the Stars’. The love theme for Padme and Anakin is a beautiful piece of music that Williams has also made ever so heartbreaking. Its gentle melodies often give way to grand, sweeping orchestral swells that could perhaps feel out of place in a love theme. Certainly, it is a different choice and it almost suggests that there is darkness coming. Ofcourse, I have absolutely no idea about that and I’m sure it will all work out fine. Right? Right? John Williams’ orchestral work for cinema is second to none and whilst we all know the classic, iconic pieces I do think that ‘Across the Stars’ should perhaps be counted among them as the thought and care that has gone into it with the story that it tells, it is nothing short of sublime.

The third choice for May, ‘In the Meantime’ by Spacehog.

To be honest, I really wasn’t sure about including ‘In the Meantime’ and as I write this I am still not sure. There have been songs that I have listened to over the last few weeks a lot more than this but its not how much I’ve listened to a song that means it gets onto the playlist, it is the feelings that it has inspired and the impact it has had. ‘In the Meantime’ first came to my ears when a stripped back version of it was featured in the inaugural trailer for ‘Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume Three’, at the time the song struck a chord with me as I got more and more excited for the third and final installment of the Guardians of the series. In the run up to watching the film, I watched the trailer a couple more times and listened to ‘In the Meantime’ and as I did, I would think about the journey that I have been on with the ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ films and characters. Who I have seen their cinematic entries with and how the music from them has then filtered into other memories. With ‘Star Wars’, I always know how much it means to me (the world) and that is ever present but with Guardians, before that third and final film I realised just how much their adventures have meant to me over the years and I started to get nervous about this third and final entry. I didn’t want any of the gang to go and for the story to have the ending that they all deserved. Really, I think that it did although that third final was rather emotional, perhaps none more so than when ‘In the Meantime’ started to play in the film and all of those feelings and thoughts that I had been having before came flooding in.

The penultimate choice for this last month is, ‘Hateno Village’ by Super Piano 64.

In the run up to ‘Tears of the Kingdom’ being released, I have been playing ‘Breath of the Wild’ and have fallen for its soundtrack very much. Nintendo being Nintendo means that the soundtrack is not readily available anywhere at least in an official capacity. As such, I have turned to artists’ interpretations of it and I have been all the better for it. Super Piano 64 has turned the score into a gentle, piano based album that is a beautiful take on the seminal work from Nintendo. Dare I say, at points it eclipses its source material. I have been listening to Super Piano 64′s work a great deal as I read and get ready for bed and everytime I hear ‘Hateno Village’ which is the first track on the ‘Breath of the Wild’ inspired album, I know it is time to relax, to breathe and to be calm. As I said last week, I think I know who will be my artist of the year however, I also think I know who will be second both in my heart and on Spotify. Although saying that, due to the amount that I’m listening to Super Piano 64 I wouldn’t be surprised if Spotify tells me otherwise and really, I would be a okay with that.

And, here we are, the key song for the month of May is ‘Say Something’ by Twice.

Look, I’ll be honest, every song for May could have been from Twice. That perhaps would have been the truest reflection of the last month. I didn’t do that as I wanted to share a few different pieces and to write about different subject matters but let the record show that May could have been completely about Twice. And who knows, maybe June will be, perhaps July and August and do we see where this is going something. I never cease to be amazed by the group as I work my way sporadically through their discography and ‘Say Something’ was the biggest revelation of all. It feels like it should be being played throughout ‘Cowboy Bebop’ and I mean, do I need to say anything else. How I could possibly pick my favourite Twice song, I don’t know, but certainly for the moment if I could only pick one it would be ‘Say Something’. It more than deserves to be the key song for May and I am curious to see where Spotify puts it in my wrap up of key songs. Its already on my top twelve songs for the year with its place here and really, its only going to keep climbing up the ranks as Twice do. Is it Twice year, I think it might be. Hell, it already is.

So there we have it, the five key songs for May and ‘Say Something’ making its way on to that end of year playlist. The funny thing about these key songs of the month pieces is that often on the day that I write them I do happen to stumble across some other special songs which I then hope have the staying power to stick around to the end of the next month. This morning, I potentially have found three of the next five key songs so we’ll see if they do end up sticking around. But thats later down the line, for now, its time to enjoy these last few days of May before moving into the summer and seeing what music it brings with it.

-Jake, a man hoping for a surprise winner at Monaco, 28/05/2023

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concussed-to-pieces · 5 years ago

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To Tell You The Truth Part Eight

Fandom: Prospect [2018]

Pairing: Ezra/Prospector!Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: I may or may not have gone full tilt here, I apologize. Enjoy!

Tag List: @huliabitch @renegademustelid @wrestlingfae @zombiexbody @sporadic-fics @rzrcrst @lackofhonor @the-feckless-wonder @arrowswithwifi @fioccodineveautunnale @absurdthirst @cryptkeepersoul @fleetwoodmactshirt @88dragon06 @roxypeanut @walkerchick007 @peggers-n-beggers @robbinholland @chrisbostonevans @cinewhore

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment contains certain religious terminology used in a context that may be considered sacrilegious. Stay safe!]

Ezra might have prayed for temperance, but you prayed for strength. You prayed for courage, for the flourishing of the bonfire that wanted to roar like a lion in your abdomen. Admittedly, you did feel a bit silly approaching your eventual physical romance in such a militant fashion, but the vibrant hunger of his kisses (for all that he tried to gentle them) was intoxicating.

You were left wanting, craving, longing for more and fearing it all at once. Somehow, Ezra had known. Soothing your trembling away, adjusting himself before cradling you against his side, "I will not be a threat to you, gentle soul." And he wasn't. You were safely returned to your room, wholly unmolested aside from a final, lingering kiss that left your skin tingling.

You touched yourself that night for the first time in stands, hoping and wishing that he was doing the same in his own bedroom as you worked yourself feverishly to your orgasm.

The next morning, you were terrified that things would be different. That something might have changed and that he would have finally thought better of getting involved with someone like you. You lolled around in bed for far too long and then took your time getting washed up in the bathroom, but when you opened the door you were instantly confronted by your customary mug of morning beverage.

"I'm afraid I...missed you in the kitchen earlier." Ezra murmured, brown eyes meeting your own nervously. "The hydro, while a delightful invention, cannot hold a candle to your conversational wit."

He was worried, off-balance. It made your tension ease; you could feel your shoulders slouching a little. The sight seemed to get him to relax slightly, the furrow between his eyebrows lessening when you accepted the mug with a quiet sound of thanks. "Wasn't sure if you regretted anything." You mumbled by way of explanation.

"You are one of the few beautiful things in my life that regret has yet to gain a foothold on." Ezra assured you sincerely. "And it shall remain so for as long as I have a say in the matter." He paused. "Is that...acceptable?"

You smiled up at him, taking the first sip. "Entirely adequate."

…

Ezra was soft and lazy in the mornings, slow to really wake up, his sleep-tousled hair demanding to have your hands in it. You loved the way he would petulantly scrunch his nose when you kissed it.

Midday found him vibrant and mischievous, urging you to accompany him on his exploratory jaunts around the Pug's west dock and Ward Twenty Seven. His hand never left your own on these walks, that faint worry still there even in the safety and stability.

Ezra usually tried to plan something to occupy the evenings. On the rare clear nights during the late autumnal season, he would drag you out of the apartment to the barely-maintained west park so the two of you could watch haphazard performances by local artists in the ramshackle community gazebo. More likely though, the bad weather kept you cozy on the couch in the living room.

"I keep wondering when I'll wake up." Ezra announced abruptly one bitterly-cold night. "I posit that perhaps I perished in the Green; Bakhroma's noxious foliage nourishing itself even now with my carcass. It would be a certain poetic justice, I think, for someone as morally bankrupt as myself. My dastardly body serving to further the spread of such voracious verdance." His eyes were distant and troubled as he continued doggedly, "None of this feels real. It is all too...soft. Too kind. As though any edge that could wake me has been sanded down, dulled to a dream."

"I'm not a dream." You replied firmly, snuggling closer to his side.

"You are the most quixotic portion of this campaign, I have to say. That someone like you would even bother to glance my direction, to say nothing of the warmth you exude...gentle soul, you are a Stockholmian improbability of the highest caliber." Ezra's voice cracked, his expression haggard. "I long to be a man worthy of you. I don't believe in divine will, and even if I did I would be loathe to reduce you down to a simple compensation from some nebulous deity for patiently enduring their trials, but...but I can think of no other reason for you to still be here with me." He confessed wearily. "I offer nothing you can't secure yourself, I have-"

"Ezra?" You interrupted before he could spiral any further into melancholy.

"Yes, gentle soul?"

"I'm here because I love you, not because you have something I want to secure."

"That has never been in question, but-"

"No no." You climbed into his lap, your hands resting on his shoulders. "I. Love. You." You stated firmly, cradling his face in your palms after a moment. "Hey. I love you, Ezra. I love you. Even when you disappear into your own head. Even when you go where I can't follow." Your thumb accidentally grazed the scar on his left cheek and he flinched, the intuitively defensive motion making your heart clench. "I don't expect you to be perfect. Gods know I'm not! But don't think for a second that you don't deserve to at least be happy, okay?"

"I deserve none of this." He muttered dismally, still avoiding your gaze.

"What was it you told me the day you came to see me in the hospital? 'We have endured so much worse than having a little good fortune, yet upon being confronted with it, we do not feel worthy'."

His laugh was mirthless, raw. "I am remarkably eloquent, especially when I lie, gentle soul."

You huffed out a breath. "Oh that was a lie, huh? I guess you wanting to be a better man must also be a lie, right? A hackneyed platitude?" His chest shuddered, but you kept going, "All the times you've called me precious or beautiful or gentle, probably lies. A valkyrie? What a damn joke."

"Now, wait just-"

"You want to lie? Lie all you want. But you're not going to wallow." You scolded.

"Gentle soul, I do not lie about you." Ezra protested. "I yearn to be a better man, a man worth your avid ardour with every fiber of my reprehensible bein', yet I am unworthy of insomuch as the opportunity to enable me to do so."

"I wish you could see what I see." You ran a finger down the bridge of his pronounced nose, smiling when he wrinkled it. "I wish you believed me."

"As do I. More than you'll ever know." Ezra sighed, wrapping his arms around you. "If only to soothe my own damnable ego!"

"There's nothing I can do to convince you?" You quizzed him, wriggling a little in his grip to try and get more comfortable on top of him. He grunted, tightening his hold. "Maybe I should write you a poem."

"No, no." He replied breathlessly, his fingers digging into your hips. "You are already all the poetry I could ever desire, gentle soul."

"What about a sonnet? A haiku maybe?" Your brow furrowed as you noticed just how tightly he was holding you. "A...what, limerick?"

Ezra sputtered with laughter, his black mood finally seeming to lift. "A limerick, Kevva preserve me!" He chuckled.

"There once was a man named Ezra…" you began threateningly.

"I am not an innocent, and yet I implore your valkyrical heart for mercy. Spare me such torment, gentle soul!"

You pursed your lips, trying to think of a second line, but Ezra interrupted your thought process with a kiss. And really, it was incredibly unfair that his kisses always seemed to render your mind to soft static. He hummed into your mouth, obviously pleased with himself.

You didn't miss the way he settled you more firmly into his lap, however, making you break the kiss with a gasp. "No predation, gentle soul. I just crave you a little closer." Ezra breathed. "Is it too much?"

"N-No, not at all. I like it." You admitted shyly, toying with the buttons on his henley. He groaned, his mustache brushing the sensitive skin of your neck when he kissed you beneath your ear.

"I must confess to my shortcomings, gentle soul." He murmured against your neck. "I bear the cross of strong predisposition towards adoration and a certain...proclivity regarding devouring. I hope not to offend."

"I don't know what you said, but I trust you." You replied just as softly, shivering at the volume of the groan he let out. The way he sounded was enough to have you growing wet, your natural slick easing the drag of the seam of your pants over your clit when you shifted again.

"I said, I will worship you with every breath in my lungs, and I wish to put my mouth on you in a salaciously intimate fashion." Ezra translated, his lips curving into a languid smile against your skin as he spoke.

"Oh?" You asked, willing your heart to stop pounding excitedly in your chest and trying to adjust your stance on top of him surreptitiously.

"Kevva, I do not deserve you. I feel untried." He admitted shakily. "Pardon my lewd terminology, but the delectable undulations of your form against my own threaten to bring me to fruition. I am afraid I must insist that we-"

You rocked your groin down, eyes half-lidding when you realized what you had been absently rubbing against this whole time. You braced your hands on his chest, leaning close. "You must insist that we…?" You prompted him with a teasing smile.

"Gentle soul, such cruelty...you have me thoroughly turgid." He muttered through gritted teeth. His fingers cradled the back of your neck, as if he didn't trust himself to put them anywhere else. "Stay your hand, I beg you, before I make a mess of this."

"Of what, your pants?"

"...among other things, yes." Ezra growled.

"Hmm," you paused, as if you were thinking about it. "No."

"You-!" Ezra's words dissolved into a hoarse groan when you hitched your hips up to grind your cunt against the swollen curve of his member, barely contained by his jeans. "Martyr's malfeasance, I can feel the heat of you, please don't stop--may I touch you?" He gasped.

"Where?" You asked, not so wholly aroused that you forgot your caution.

He swallowed hard, the thick musculature of his neck rippling beneath your hands. "Wherever you'll permit me, please, please, gods, I have never craved someone as much as I crave you," he pleaded. "I want to grace you with as much benevolent joy as you grace me, more even, I...I will be nude for you, gentle soul, take me apart! Make me yours." He rambled on, his hands in your hair now as he urged your hips forward in their motion. "Permit me to taste and touch you, gentle soul. Allow me entry into the slick, sheltered hollows of your form, grant me succor where your divinity pulses to new life with every pass of my tongue." Ezra pressed his forehead to your own, his heated words stealing your breath. Half the allure was untangling them all. "I am but a sinner rendered wholly insensible by your presence, greedy and undeserving and yet I beg, I implore-"

You coaxed his hands out of your hair, smiling mistily at him before you kissed his knuckles. "Go ahead. I trust you."

"Rise then, you gossamer fae creature." He ordered, clapping a hand to your hip. "Titania's beauty pales in comparison to your own and I have not even divested you of your garments."

"Oh, here?" You bit your lip. "You don't want to...I mean, the bedroom?"

"Is that what you wish?" Ezra queried, his hands stilling. You took in the sight of him underneath you, hair thoroughly mussed with his shirt rucked up over his belly. "Whatever you prefer, gentle soul. Is this too fast?"

"No, no no, I'm more worried about how small the couch i--hey!" You yelped when Ezra cradled your body against his own and stood. Your knees grappled at his sides for a moment and he burst out laughing, fumbling to urge your leg up over his hip.

"I've got you! I've got you, don't fret." The former prospector soothed, still smiling. "You're safe."

"Oh Ezra?" You called over his shoulder. "Some man is here to take me away, he says he's worthy of me or something, I dunno', I'll see you tomorrow morning okay?"

In reply, Ezra buried his face in your neck and blew a raspberry on your skin, making you squeal and wriggle. "You are so smug, I love it!" He laughed. "You piquant little thing, a vivacious rebuttal to Kevva's divine will."

"Oh I'm sacrilegious now?" You questioned as he carried you down the hall, feeling a tremor of fresh excitement when he entirely ignored your bedroom door in favor of his own.

"I am confident that you shall rapidly come to terms with your newfound paganism, gentle soul."

You slung your arms around his neck and held on to him a little tighter, enthusiasm and trepidation warring within you.

Once the former prospector placed you on the bed in his room, his eager demeanor shifted. "Lights on, or off?" He asked softly. "Would you rather undress yourself, or would you like me to undress you?"

"Oh, u-um. Can we have just...a small light on? Like your bedside lamp?" You requested, twisting the hem of your shirt. "I'll be okay as long as I can see you, but I'm...well, y'know." You shrugged anxiously up at him.

"I don't know, I'm afraid. What are you?"

Really, you should have known better than to assume that he would let you off that particular hook so easily. You sighed. "I'm not exactly in the greatest shape even after all this time, I've got stretch marks and that scar and I-"

"And you, are immaculate." Ezra whispered, leaning in from the side to kiss the rest of your self-deprecation away. "You are strength and wonder and all the good that has ever been, encapsulated in a stunning mantle of kintsugi. Every scar is drenched in gold, every mark forged anew in radiance. You are pure sunlight, gentle soul, rapturous air in this battered floater's lungs."

"Oh," was all you could say in reply, wide-eyed.

"I wish you could see what I see." Ezra echoed your earlier words, smiling when you huffed and turned your head away from him. "It's true! Don't hide from me, gentle soul. I know it is embarrassing, but honesty is the best policy-"

"Says the one who claimed he was at his most eloquent when he was lying!" You protested, half-laughing.

"I regret to inform you that that was a lie as well."

"You're incorrigible."

"And infatuated." Ezra returned to the bed from dimming the lights, shedding his shirt as he went. "Impossible. Infuriating. Vexatious. Precocious." His voice dipped to a sultry purr, the next word buzzing against the skin of your neck. "Garrulous."

"Ezra please, you're the best-looking thesaurus I've ever known but I want to die of embarrassment. Can we not have a vocabulary-expanding session in the bedroom?" You begged, covering your face.

"Best-looking--such flattery, gentle soul!" Ezra teased you mercilessly, "You could have lured me into your embrace stands ago with that silver tongue of yours." He bent close, playing with your fingers at the hem of your shirt. "Besides, you cannot deny your reaction to my expansive vocabulary. You love it when I hum incomprehensible nothings just beneath your ear, don't you?" He enquired, mouthing kisses down the curve of your jaw. You couldn't help your delighted shiver. "You tremble for me, which seems to indicate a level of enjoyment. Either that, or apprehension. Are you apprehensive?"

"Maybe a little." You admitted.

"Because of me? Am I too close? Should I stop?"

"No, gods no!" You protested wildly. Ezra settled back on his haunches, ever patient as you struggled to find the right words. "I'm not apprehensive about you, it's...I guess I'm apprehensive about me. About whether I'll be able to...um, whether I can make you feel good." You floundered.

"I would not trouble yourself with such concerns, gentle soul. If I can offer any assurance, it is in the knowledge that my love and, in kind, my making of said love, is decidedly generous." Ezra soothed, those brown eyes warm and guileless. "All I ask is your permission and consent, which can and should be revoked if you are discomfited by any advance I make."

"Promise?" You whispered.

"Martyr's malfeasance, I would rather lose my arm than cause you undue suffering. I swear it." Ezra replied simply, running a hand through his rumpled hair. "I will not be a threat to you. I will never weaponize myself against you."

"Will…" you hesitated, feeling like everything had gotten so incredibly serious so fast. "Will you let me win at Scrabble?"

He tried to keep a straight face. It worked. Briefly. "I will--I-dammit-" he snorted. "You drive a hard bargain, gentle soul. I may require legal counsel. I am loathe to relinquish my Scrabble dictatorship." Ezra sighed dramatically. "But if it is a question of pursuing carnal delights or intellectual, I must admit the former holds infinitely more allure. I will permit you to win one game."

"Only one?" You bit your lip, tracing circles on his bare chest over his collarbone. A few scars stood out starkly on the olive skin, and you cupped one that marred his right pectoral.

Ezra's breath hitched. "W-Well, perhaps I might be open to candid discourse in favor of justifying two wins. But you must understand, winning by underhanded tactics will give you no lasting joy." He cautioned you sternly. "A faux victory is naught but a festerin' wound that plagues your existence."

"I'll keep that in mind." Your fingers moved to the buttons on your shirt. "I know these small ones are hard for you to undo."

"Your charitable nature overwhelms me." Ezra breathed. "Leave the hooks, will you? I always delight in that particular chore."

"By all means. It's a pain in the neck otherwise." You smiled at how intent his stare was. "You see something you like?"

"Infinite somethings." He groaned, shifting his body down until he laid on his stomach. He pillowed his head on his arm as he looked up at you, his eyes alight. "I want to taste your skin so damn badly."

"I'm right here, y'know."

"Yes, and I am utterly ruined by that fact. So close to me, so near." His hand moved upward, trembling fingers tracing your knee. "I am so greedy for you, gentle soul. To think that I would spend a lifetime courting danger and avaricious pursuits, only to be rendered timid and a-quiver by the simple knowledge that everything I could ever possibly want is here, here, I can reach out and fill my arms with it."

You slipped your shirt off of your shoulders and Ezra swore under his breath. "I'm not dumb enough to believe that you've had an easy time of it yourself." You murmured. "You've got more scars than I do."

"By the hubristic tendency of my own hand, I assure you." Ezra urged you upright, his fingers battling with the fasteners of your bra. "Old wounds, made infinitely less caustic by the knowledge that you anticipated me as tenderly as I anticipated you, gentle soul." Your bra finally gave way and the noise he made in his throat was delicious, a helpless little croon of excitement that had you squeezing your thighs together for some meager relief. "Gods, I am woefully underprepared. I would beg for a lifetime to observe you even in this hapless state of undress, yet I am ushered onward by the siren call of this wonderful skin. I would...I would very much like to touch you." He said faintly.

"Where?" You whispered. His hands slid beneath your arms from behind in reply, cradling your own hands before he raised them to hover over your newly-bared breasts. You bit your lip anxiously. "Be gentle, please?"

A nearly overwhelming sense of relief washed over you when Ezra nodded his forehead down into the nape of your neck. Knowing that he wasn't actually looking at you yet, all he was doing was feeling you...it made it more bearable somehow.

So far, so good.

His index fingers slipped over the still-soft peaks of your breasts and you couldn't help the sigh you let out, feeling your nipples begin to wake under his touch. "Gentle soul, I...words fail me." Ezra admitted quietly. "To coax you to blossom by my hand is all that I could ever want in this lifetime. Lean back, please?"

You obliged, turning your face to kiss his neck so he couldn't see your expression. Ezra's motions were unhurried, tender; calloused palms chafing your breasts with care. His breath stuttered every time you lavished his throat and jaw with kisses.

"It has been so long since I have been able to touch another, I only pray I do not disappoint. My technique may require some calibration." He apologized with a self-conscious chuckle. "I'm afraid my own imagination is a poor substitute for the flesh and blood fantasy you have presented me."

"I wish I could talk like you." You whimpered against his ear, feeling his chest expand with a sharp inhale.

"Martyr's malfeasance, I am uncertain that I would be able to endure that hypothetical iteration of reality." He said shakily, delicately rolling your nipples between his thumb and index. You arched your back, gasping. This was impossible, it had never been like this, even before Damon! The only time it had ever felt this good was when you were masturbating, because you knew what you needed, you knew how everything worked, but now-

Maybe you weren't the only one who knew just what you needed.

"I wonder," Ezra mused, "I wonder just how drenched you are from this alone. I know you are working yourself off on the seam of those wonderfully tight jeans, gentle soul. Would you indulge me for a moment?" He ducked his head down, nudging his nose affectionately into your burning cheek. "I'd appreciate it if you would unzip your jeans. You do not have to, naturally, and I do not expect it of you. But it would be...appreciated."

You fidgeted for a moment, then moved to undo your button.

"Stay, now." Ezra murmured. "Slowly. No demands, no rush. We are relaxed. We are peaceful. Climax need not be a grasping, headlong event. There can be such a build, a gloriously languid indulgence, where pleasure laps heady at the senses and completion bleeds into itself. You make me wish to take my time, gentle soul."

"Right, sorry. I just...I'm used to it. I'll try to remember." You panted, not missing the sorrow that flickered across his rough features. It made your heart ache and sing at the same time, his patience and understanding for your previous experiences.

"Do we need to stop?" Ezra queried.

You shook your head, nearly hitting his nose. "No, no. I'm having a great time." You insisted, making him chuckle. "No way I'm stopping now, we're just getting to the good part!"

"I am of the belief that any moment I spend with you, clothed or otherwise, is the good part. Perhaps I am too sentimental." The man allowed, still smiling. You bit your lip, skimming your fingers down the surface of your stomach. "There you are, gentle soul. Serene. Taut with anticipation, grinding those beautiful hips up for an echo of touch. Slowly, slowly, make your body beg for it. Draw out the moment of arrival." Ezra instructed as he continued to tease his fingers over your breasts, his voice rasping slightly. "Open your placket as if you have never encountered one before, feel the ticking of the zipper teeth as they slip open."

You closed your eyes if only because you knew you were safe, sliding down your zipper and arching yourself a little to wriggle your hips free. Your panties were soaked, wet enough that they made a soft noise when you tried to tug them down.

Before you could think to feel self-conscious, Ezra groaned long and low in your ear, and you didn't have to open your eyes to know exactly where he was looking. "You are dewy, gentle soul."

"For you." You dared to say, relishing his gasp for breath when you slid your fingers down over your slit.

"Slick from such hard labor, and I confess I am aching as well. But slow now, temperance. Will you touch yourself for me, gentle soul? Bring yourself pleasure?" Ezra paused, like he was fighting for air. "Allow me a taste of the sheltered, trembling divinity that is your womanhood, gentle soul. I am a man adrift in a desert of sensation." He begged hoarsely.

"You want…?" You trailed off, flushing hot at his rapid nod towards your hand. "Are you sure? I mean, what if it's weird? What if-"

"Nothing about your sensuous form could lessen my desire for you, gentle soul." Ezra licked his lips, pupils blown black with want. "Give me your taste. Anoint my mouth with your arousal as we indulge in this carnal rapture."

You were certain that if he said anything else you would spontaneously combust, his words like gasoline on the roaring fire in your belly. Ezra took the opportunity to lick into your mouth, muttering fractured, helpless adoration under his breath as you whimpered and rocked beneath him. Your fingers dove back to your cunt, slipping through the slick folds to tease your entrance and then retreating up over your clit. With a hiccup of loss, you pulled your hand free and shyly extended it to him.

"Lay them on my tongue, you angelic creature. We engage in a communion older than the stars themselves; gods, that I were a worthier man!" Ezra urged your fingers into his mouth, the brown-haired man moaning and laving at your soaked digits with an enthusiasm that you didn't anticipate. "As I suspected," he groaned, "heavenly ambrosia, nectarean. You have sundered my very spirit with your taste, gentle soul."

"You...it's okay, then?"

"It is an offering from your body. Longing given delicious, lascivious form. It will never be less than the most precious thing to me." Ezra assured you, devilish fingers tormenting the stiffened peaks of your breasts. "Stroke yourself for me, please? Bury those nimble little fingers back into that sweet cunt and bring yourself to fruition."

You squeezed your thighs together, arousal pooling heated and dark in your stomach. He loved you. He didn't feel entitled to you. He wanted you to feel good. "Ezra-"

"My name from your lips is at once agony and ecstasy, gentle soul. I could listen to your voice quivering for hours." Ezra crooned, a smile pressed to the skin of your shoulder. "Are you close? Are you rising turbulent, gentle soul? Threatening completion?" You could barely manage your nod before his large hands palmed your breasts, your nipples tenderly caged between his knuckles. "Then grant me that vision, gentle soul, let me witness you fucking resplendent." He grated out, the uncharacteristically blunt curse sending a searing jolt through your body.

You were helpless to resist his plea, the blood roaring in your ears rendering you numb to the world for a few moments while your orgasm crashed over you.

Ezra cradled you close to his chest; kisses landed on your neck, forehead, shoulders as he murmured praise and…

And you might have briefly lost consciousness. Briefly.

Part Nine

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megslovesbooks · 2 years ago

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Dreamin’ of the West Coast: A companion playlist.

Liner notes below!

Oh gosh. The music in my head for this fic. Its a lot! I knew going in that it would have to be a big deal, music is always importing in my writing and since the world of this story is rooted in music I knew that I'd probably end up feeling pretty strongly about it. Some of the songs in this instalment are later additions than others, but some are cornerstone songs that really shaped where this story went. Here are my thoughts about them if you care to read.

Peaches Etude -- FINNEAS

We don't really get into it in this fic, but I definitely think that Eddie uses piano to self sooth, and I think he's been doing the same for Chris. I think this is a song he plays for his son, and when he's missing him as well. Soft and warm and home. Also, Finneas' whole vibe really resonates with my Eddie, so there will probably be more of his music in chapters to come.

Interstellar: First Step -- Performed by Kyle Landry

I went back and forth about what to use here, I knew it needed to be something sweeping and emotion as well as something incredibly technical to play. This is our chance to really understand just how good Eddie actually is, he doesn't get this gig just by being adorable you know. I debated for a while if a film soundtrack was too meta? But then I realized its my fic and i'm stealing all kinds of music to give these characters and I can do what I want so. I love this piece, it just does something to my insides every time I hear it. In my head, the part the band hears begins around the 5 minute mark, the way those last few minutes of music build is breathtaking and I love the image of that music just filling the empty space and the team just standing and listening in awe. As a side note, this is a different version than the one linked in the fic, I couldn't find this exact version on youtube.

West Coast -- OneRepublic

This is one of those cornerstone songs. The moment I heard it I knew it was for Buck. It speaks to his entire journey so beautifully and also its just so smooth and sexy. It speaks of brighter days and that spark of unquenchable hope in Buck that makes him so extraordinary. His path always leads to LA, to home. In this and every universe. I think this was one of his songs that made the band big...but it wasn't their breakout song...more to come on that.

The Maze -- Michael Schulte

This song is all vibes baby. Its about family and overcoming and speaks to who Station 118 are to each other, but it also just evokes the overall sound I imagine for the band.

Wild Turkey -- Amythyst Kiah

Ok. First. If you haven't listened to this woman PLEASE do, go check out everything she's ever done, you won't be sorry. She's a queer Appalachian musician and her music has changed my life. She's a local (to me) artist and is just exploding lately, I'm so glad, because the whole world needs to be listening to her. When I imagine Hen's singing voice, this is all I hear, that rich tone, glorious. This song is hard. Its about losing someone you loved in a way you can't begin to understand. I think it speaks to Hen and the terrible things she's had to overcome. I also like that the harmony is with another feminine voice, that's got to be Karen right? I also get really emotional when the drums come in thinking about Chim being such an important support in Hen's story.

The Boys of Summer -- The Ataris

Move Vibes, Less Plot! I have this silly idea that Station 118 always plays 2 encores, the first is one of their songs, whatever they feel like playing. The second is always something silly or weird, a cover of something they think is fun. I hope to play with this more in future too.

BONUS TRACKS

Your Ghost -- Dave Hause, Amythyst Kiah

Right off the top please know that this song deals with the murder of George Floyd in particular and police brutality in general. First and foremost, if you feel up to it, you should just listen to this song for you because it is powerful and important. But I'm putting on this list because when I think of the blend of Buck and Hen's voices, this is what I'm thinking about. I also think that Station 118 is pretty adamant about making their music stand for what they believe in like this.

The Boys of Summer -- The Hooters

I almost used this in the main fic because this kind of sound treatment is exactly what I mean when I think they do fun covers. Alas, its more mellow than I want it to be, you gotta rock people's faces off in a final encore...so just imagine this kind of treatment but the energy of the original. lol.

#911 on fox #911 fic #buddie big bang 2022 #megs writes #soundtrack time #eddie diaz #evan buckley #hen wilson #thanks for indulging my compulsive need to explain my playlists in too much detail #more to come i'm sure #Spotify

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randomvarious · 10 months ago

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Today's compilation:

Now That's What I Call Music! 49 2001 Pop / Teen Pop / Adult Contemporary / R&B / House / Hip Hop / UK Garage / Trance / Dance-Pop / Pop-Rock / Pop-Punk

Finishing out the week by continuing this little UK journey that I've been on recently with a trip back to the middle of 2001. Here we have a double-disc dispatch from the incredibly prolific and pervasive Now That's What I Call Music! series, which is an enterprise that Americans have been deeply familiar with since the late 90s, but Brits have actually known for far longer, since it originally exclusively launched in the UK in 1983, and proved very successful since jump.

youtube

Now, as you could probably guess, there are definitely similarities and differences between the US and UK versions of Now. One, UK installments from the main series are double-disc affairs, but US ones are only single-discs; and two, plenty of hits manage to chart in both places, but a lot of songs also never end up crossing the pond in either direction. And a good portion of the UK hits that don't make it Stateside tend to be electronic and dance tunes. Pretty much since the advent of the acid warehouse parties that took place in the UK during the late 80s, Brits have been far more receptive to that kind of stuff than the US has.

And that brings us to the first song that I really wanna highlight today: British duo Zero 7's totally blissed-out vocal downtempo classic, "Destiny," which features the voice of the one and only Sia. If you're an American, the first time that you were probably ever exposed to the facially-obscured South African superstar was when she dropped "Chandelier" in 2014. But other parts of the world had known her for a lot longer than that, and maybe if you had on the right adult alternative station in the US, or watched MTV2 at the exact right time, you would've caught "Destiny" too, but I think if you had asked 99% of Americans back then if they knew who either Zero 7 or Sia was, they'd have absolutely no idea. This tune is a simply terrific piece of smooth, acoustic guitar-led late 90s downtempo beauty, though, and with some dubby effects on it too, it makes for a real, immaculately melty, sink-into-the-bathtub kind of vibe 😌.

And on the pure dance tip, we've got a few sweet cuts, but nothing really quite hits like Roger Sanchez' "Another Chance." I gotta admit, I kind of somehow forgot about this jam altogether, but it's such a nice slice of early 2000s house, and I'm really thrilled to have been reminded of it again with this comp. Sanchez crafts a lot of this tune by sampling from Toto's 1982 soft rock power ballad, "I Won't Hold You Back," and that includes the voice of the group's lead singer, Steve Lukather, too, whose calm and reflectively plaintive words are made shimmery by Sanchez himself here 😎. "Another Chance" managed its way all the way to the top of both the UK singles and UK dance charts, but it did absolutely nothing in the US, which is a total shame!

Almost everything else that's good and/or fun on this album was also big in the US too, though, and those tunes in particular should give any American who remembers 2001—before that big, main event, of course—a very sweet nostalgia rush indeed. We have one-hit wonder Wheatus' "Teenage Dirtbag," blink-182's "The Rock Show," the different version of U2's "Elevation" that was on the Tomb Raider movie soundtrack, OutKast's "Ms. Jackson," Destiny's Child's "Survivor," Dido's "Thank You," Janet Jackson's "All for You," and Nelly's "Ride Wit Me." So a really fine array of classic, poppy bangers there.

But, folks, we also have to talk about the complete and utter schlock that's on here too, because despite how many enjoyable tracks that are on this thing, there sure are quite a lot of plainly bad ones as well. And most of it appears to be just straight-up British pop, which is not to be confused with the often very good rock genre of Britpop. To be clear, there are definitely superb British-made pop tunes from this early 2000s era, but this 49th installment in the Now series doesn't have any to offer; and I have no idea how or why Geri Halliwell aka Ginger Spice's totally limp cover of The Weather Girls' "It's Raining Men" ever got to be a #1 hit in the UK, but that shit is really e m b a r r a s s i n g, man. And a lot of the rest of this pop sounds like music that was specifically targeted at nine-year-old girls too, so, diabetics, beware, because this stuff is *really* treacly.

Always love to sift through these UK editions of Now because they tend to be a lot more eclectic than their US counterparts, and while putting up a double-disc with every installment increases the chances of getting more good tunes, I also understand that it also naturally opens the door for more crappy filler as well. But at the end of the day, I really can't resist a good chunk of the electronic and dance music that gets put on these things, so if I have to endure some uninspired Spice Girls solo singles along the way, then so be it 😅.

Highlights:

CD1:

Wheatus - "Teenage Dirtbag" blink-182 - "The Rock Show" U2 - "Elevation (Tomb Raider mix)" OutKast - "Ms. Jackson" Destiny's Child - "Survivor" Britney Spears - "Don't Let Me Be the Last to Know" Dido - "Thank You" Zero 7 - "Destiny" Radiohead - "Pyramid Song"

CD2: Eddy Grant - "Electric Avenue (Ringbang remix)" Gorillaz - "19-2000 (Soulchild remix)" Roger Sanchez - "Another Chance" Ian van Dahl - "Castles in the Sky" Boris Dlugosch feat. Róisín Murphy - "Never Enough" Janet Jackson - "All for You" Eve - "Who's That Girl" Nelly - "Ride Wit Me"

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andsheloved · 3 years ago

Text

up my sleeve.

paring ~ helmut zemo x f!reader

word count ~ 3.7k

summary ~ he knew he would have to leave you again at some point, he was simply trying to make the most of it. he just wishes he had more time to love you.

warnings ~ a n g s t & fluff, not to worry though, slightly happy ending! german/sokovian pet names, secret relationship, helmut and reader being too cute and domestic, y e a r n i n g, zemo thinking about his family for a second, slight canon typical violence, extremely mild language, super quick flagsmashers/karli morgenthau reference, i am kind of in pain, but like hopeful pain? i suppose you will understand.

a/n ~ and here it is! zemo as promised! sorry it's a bit earlier, i realized i wouldn't be able to pin this and update le ole masterlist at 11 cus i will be on a plane! anyways! i typically don’t listen to taylor swift but my sister played ‘cowboy like me’ the other day and zemo was the only man that appeared in my brain, specifically the line “now i know, i’m never gonna love again” so, eek, that and the song ‘all i ask’ be adele, and also 'i’ll never love again' by lady gaga, so again, massive apologies for giving you that soundtrack for this one, no lies, i kinda hurt my own feelings, so again, apologies to everyone else in advance! also i kinda changed the way zemo escapes in tfatws so yes there’s that but yes! I hope you enjoy!

Ever since Sokovia, he couldn’t remember a time when he wasn’t either running, hiding, or plotting, or participating in some combination of the three. The only time in which he finally did get to settle down for a moment, he was in prison, if he could really even call it ‘settling down’.

Even when Bucky had broken him out he had escaped, he knew that from the very moment he stepped foot into the world again, the timer would begin. He wasn’t meant to be here, out and about in the world, and he had made peace with the thought, that his days of feeling something other than the solid concrete of his cell under his feet, were indeed numbered.

At least he had thought he had made peace with that fact, but as you lay beside him, a sliver of sunlight that was stubborn enough to not be trapped by the thick, expensive curtains he had installed in his lavish bedroom, illuminating your features so brilliantly that he almost felt compelled to throw himself out of bed to find his camera and take a photo of you, the idea of his ticking time bomb of freedom left a heavy feeling in his chest.

He knew you’d be waking soon from the way you twisted and turned a bit more in your sleep, as endearing as your quiet groans were, he felt a twinge of pain as he listened to the sounds of your halfway-sleep, he wished you could stay in bed with him all morning without having to worry yourself with making sure you looked presentable before leaving him again, sneaking off into one of the guest bedrooms as to not arise suspicion.

You had mentioned in passing telling Sam and James about the two of you some time ago, explaining how that if they really cared for you, they would accept your decision, a part of him wished he had agreed with you.

“Schatz, I just wouldn’t want them to think…”

“Think what?” Your eyebrows furrowed, when you noticed his eyes drifting from you, you reached for his hand.

“Nothing.” His back straightening, he hoped that you wouldn’t be able to notice the slight tremor in his words. “I just believe it would be better if we waited.”

“Okay.” You murmured, barely above a whisper. “But I love you.” As much as you wanted to tell your friends about your relationship, how much you wanted to yell it from the tallest rooftops, you understood. You loved him, all of him, and that included his past. You knew that sharing your love for him would come with certain… conditions, and he was just trying to protect you from them.

As he turned to look at you, you could have sworn you had seen the beginnings of tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes, “I love you” he replied, a bit more assuredness in his tone. “I love you.”

If only he had said yes. To hell with what anyone else had to say, if only he had agreed with you, then he wouldn’t have robbed himself of the pleasure of your warm body beside him to perch himself on the edge of the bed, hands covering his face as he spiraled.

“Helmut?” Your soft voice called, he all but whipped his head to look at you.

“Darling,” he turned to face his body towards your own, crawling overtop the tangled sheets to pull you close to him once more.”Sleep well?” He questioned

You hummed contently, a warm, groggy smile playing on your lips as you stretched against his chest. “You?”

He chuckled, your voice was always just slightly rougher in the mornings, he would miss that.

“With you beside me?” He took your arms stretched above you as the perfect opportunity to wrap his arms around your soft waist, “Perfectly.”

“I should get going…” You muttered, he could feel the hesitancy as you pried yourself from his grip

“Should you?”

You quickly turned to face him, looking at him for the first time that morning, the subtle tilt of your head saying all that he needed to respond to you.

“Sam and James left early-”

“Without me?” You interrupted, he sensed your panic, though you were quickly soothed as he grabbed your hands, pulling you into his chest once again with a small ‘oomf’

“They’ll only be a few hours, they said it was nothing important, nothing to worry about…”

He felt you release a deep breath, your muscles relaxing as he slowly stroked your back through your shirt, tracing meaningless patterns into the fabric.

A smile crept onto your face as you looked up at him, your eyes seemed to twinkle as the rouge sunlight swept your face once again.

“I wouldn’t mind staying here longer” you mumbled, your voice muffled from being pressed against him

I wouldn’t mind staying here forever, he thought to himself before replying, “Breakfast?”

“That sounds amazing.”

Helmut remembered the last time he had been so domestic, the thought sparking a somber smile. He dodged your arms as you reached for the salt shaker in the cabinet, creeping around you, trying his best to not spill the coffee he had made for the two of you.

“Helmut! The eggs!” You yelled, laughing as you frantically threw your spatula down, but before you could even blink, Zemo had already sprinted back into the kitchen, quickly ripping the pan from the stove.

“You could’ve burned the house down!”

He could get used to this. You fussing over him as the two of you danced around each other. Not a trace of worry showed on your features, were you not even worried about Sam and James returning and seeing you like this with him? Of course you weren’t, you had been the one to mention telling the two in the first place, though he didn’t want to trouble himself with that thought at the moment, how could he? How could he trouble himself with anything as you smiled at him so gently? How could he ever trouble himself with anything while he had you? Well, at least for the moment.

“Zemo!” You called, your voice panicked.

He found himself fighting with a newfound rush of energy, were you hurt? The very thought sent a surge of power through him as he finished off the last of your attackers.

He called your name, and almost as if on cue, you stumbled into his back, he turned to face you, resisting the urge to not just kiss you right then.

“Are you alright?”

Your nose was bloody, a small cut on your forehead, he could only imagine that the rest of you would be littered in bruises by tomorrow morning.

“Fine.” Was all he could manage to say, eyes rapidly scanning you for any more injuries, you shouldn’t have had to face all this, though he was thankful your mutual friends had introduced the two of you, he couldn’t help but feel a faded shadow of sadness wash over him that you had to endure all this. Though he admired you for it.

“We thought- I thought-” You swallowed, “I had lost you.”

Did you mean for your voice to crack the way it did? Or was it simply a side effect of the adrenaline?

“I’m right here.” Before he could even process what he was doing, he held your face, tilting it upwards, almost as if he were examining you. He tried to feel for any hesitancy on your part, but as you melted into his touch, almost leaning into his palm, he understood.

“Zemo!”

Damn. If only he had had more time.

He admired your form from afar, casting shadows across the hardwood floors as you set the table for the both of you.

“Are you just going to stand there and look at me?”

The proposition was tempting, he definitely wouldn’t mind spending more mornings like this, though he knew he shouldn’t have been giving himself the hope.

“As tempting as your offer is, Mein Liebling,” he smiled, noticing the shiver that ran through you as he sauntered over. “I think we better eat before your cohorts return, hm?” He tried to stop the venom from seeping into the words, he hated himself for bringing them up while it was just the two of you, but the thought of anyone thinking of you as any less than wonderful because of him broke his heart, and he refused to be the cause of any rift between the three of you, as much as he wanted you all to himself, he knew how much they meant to you.

You hummed in agreement, nodding as you sat down, he could tell he had upset you, but he couldn’t find the words to say to make the truth any better. So instead of causing you any more pain by continuing on the subject, he simply smiled at you, he would do his very best to enjoy this while he still could.

The two of you ate in silence, it wasn’t an uncomfortable one, rather a silent awareness while you simply enjoyed each other’s presence.

He absentmindedly reached his hand across the table, and just as mindlessly, you reached for him, entwining your soft hand in his. He wondered what he had done, in the duration of his despicable existence, throughout all he has done, causing so much pain and hurt, what had he done to deserve you?

You pulled away only to collect your plates, softly placing them in the sink, your moment of calm being interrupted with the shuttering of the front door, and suddenly, you weren’t his anymore.

You were their teammate, the last-minute addition to the mission that Sam claimed he couldn’t have done without. No longer his to dote over, to sneak up behind and wrap his arms around your waist, to kiss softly on the forehead before leaving him in the morning, he almost wished he had never been so drawn to you in the first place, though he didn’t have time to scowl himself for the thought before Sam began detailing their new plan.

“I’ll go with Zemo” You added, trying to sound as casual and unenthused as you could

Sam shot you a confused glare, “You sure?”

“Yeah, how bad can he be?” You chuckled, you knew how he could be, just as much as you also knew he would never do anything to hurt you.

“Quite,” Zemo added, smirking your way, you turned from the group, biting your lip to hide your smile at his response.

“But you let us know if he tries anything.” Sam passed the both of you an earpiece.

The two of you exchanging knowing glances as the four of you made your way outside.

He hummed contently to himself when the two of you were finally alone, quietly walking the bustling, cobblestone streets, and for a moment, he felt normal, like he didn’t have Sam and James in his ear, like he wasn’t supposed to be on high alert for any activity from Karli, and if he was so compelled, he felt as if he could reach for your hand, so he did.

Though you continued to face forward, he couldn’t help but notice the shadow of a smile that appeared on your lips.

“My Darling,”

You finally turned to look at him, the smile you had first tried to hide as he held your hand now bloomed fully, you grabbed his arm, pulling yourself fully against his side. He laughed, had he ever loved someone so openly affectionate with him? It was a shame he couldn’t allow you to press yourself against him more often, and he was well aware that you would, if only you had told them, you wouldn’t have to hide.

Suddenly, urgently, he called your name, almost yanking your arm with the force at which he had pulled you against him. You heard a quick buzzing noise whir past you, followed by the sound of crumbling brick, you turned quickly to see what it was, but before you could even register, Zemo was pulling you into an alley, pushing you into a corner as he shielded you with his body.

“Helmut? Should we tell Sa-”

“It isn’t Karli.”

You looked up at him, you don’t think you had ever seen him so disheveled, his eyes frantic, hair mussed, you maybe even would have thought he looked beautiful if not for the circumstances.

“What do you mean? I- I’m going to call Sam-” You started breathing just as heavily as him, what was going on? Who else could it be? Were those people shooting at you?

He practically tore your hand from your face before you could even reach your ear to notify the others, “They’re here for me, Schatz” He could feel his eyes begin to water, turning from you, he continued, “This is where I must leave you.”

You did your best to hold in your gasp. He couldn’t be leaving you, not now. Not when everything was so perfect. For the first time in your life, in your entire chaotic, superhero filled life, your constantly-on-the-run-from-aliens-or-robots-or-wizards life, you finally felt loved properly. “Helmut no you don’t- We’ll just go back to our house-”

Our house. Had you really meant to say that? He quickly repeated the words in his mind before you continued.

“They won’t be able to find you there, right?”

“My love, they already have.” He uttered sadly, he saw your form slouch in defeat and he had to turn away, “Don’t…” he sighed, don’t make this harder on me than it already is.

It was as if you could read his mind, you nodded, sniffling, “Helmut…” Your voice was weak, he raised his hand to touch your face

“That son of a bitch!” You could hear the quiet gasps and shocked mumbles emanating from the street, they were close, he had to leave now, or else he’d risk you getting hurt, and that thought pained him even more than leaving you.

“My Darling” he held your face in his hands, “I’m so sorry” he whispered, closing the gap between the two of you. He kissed you as if it was the last time, and it quite possibly might have been. You grabbed at the fur collar of his coat, at a certain point in time, you might have even made fun of him for the ridiculousness of his attire, but now, all you could do was try to memorize the feel of it, just another part of of his personality that made him so uniquely… him.

When he finally pulled away, he could barely look you in the eyes, and as much as it hurt him, he forced himself to, not knowing when he’d be able to do so again.

“I just wish we had more time” you were sobbing now, each cry shattering his heart a bit more than the last, he had to leave you, he couldn’t bear the thought of being the reason you were hurt, or worse.

“We will, I promise you we will” He brushed the tears from your face tenderly, “My love, I promise you.” Even he wasn’t sure if what he had said was true.

The both of you turned quickly as the man’s yelling became clearer, whoever was after him, they were close, he needed to leave now.

“Helmut, I love you” You kept repeating the words like you were making up for every time you couldn’t say them in front of your friends, making up for every lost touch, every second you had spent pretending that you hated him just as much as your partners.

He didn’t mean to cut you off, he just needed to say this to you before it was too late for him to say anything, “When I return to you,” if I even make it out of this alive, “I promise, we won’t hide anymore. Because…” Was there even anything else he could say? He knew nothing he could say at the moment would ease your hurt, “Just know that I love you.”

You weren’t even looking at him, your eyes squeezed shut as you shook your head. You didn’t say a word in reply to him, and maybe it was better that way. He took one final look at you, he wished this wasn’t that last time he would be seeing you, at least the last time for a while. Maybe he should have left you after breakfast, so the image of you in an oversized t-shirt, softly chuckling at some joke he made, almost throwing the toast onto the floor in your laughter induced haze, would be the memory he would be holding on to as he left you behind. You would have been confused, and he could only imagine how much more hurt you would have been if he just up and left without telling you. It would have been selfish, leaving so you so suddenly if only to not witness your pain, but he was a selfish man, and he felt like kicking himself for not doing so.

Sighing and scanning your form once more, he reluctantly disappeared to make his escape.

He stood before the memorial, reminiscing on lost loves both past and present, before noticing James’s dark figure enter his vision.

“I thought you’d be here sooner” he looked over to the man, “Don’t worry, I’ve decided I’m not going to kill you.”

You laughed a little to yourself, he was always one for the dramatics.

“Imagine my relief,” Bucky replied

So was Bucky.

Zemo finally turned to face him entirely, and before he could continue, a familiar voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hi”

He turned rapidly to face you, why did he feel so relieved? Like your very presence was enough to calm him, he felt as if he was breathing again for the first time since he had left you. “My-” he caught himself, choosing to call you by your name instead of one of his many terms of endearment for you in front of James.

“I don’t trust you.”

He really didn’t need to say that for Zemo to know, both him and Sam made that fact very clear to him on an almost daily basis.

“But I trust her…” He continued,

Nodding your head, “I told them” smiling one of those shy smiles that were reserved only for him

“But this doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”

Zemo could sense the annoyance in his tone, but couldn’t really bring himself to care, not when you were looking at him like he was the most precious thing in your world.

He stepped closer to you as you held out your hand. “I’m so sorry for leaving you, my love.”

You swallowed, taking a deep breath as if to steady yourself, “It’s okay, I-” you looked down at the gravel beneath your feet. “I’m sorry”

It was then when he heard it, the synchronized marching of the Dora Milaje, stopping just behind him, warning him of their presence.

He knew this day would come, he had known it from the very second he met you, that this was going to hurt, but nothing could have prepared him for just how much it did.

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes as you held his face in your hands, this time, you wouldn’t look away.

A puff of air left his nose, feigning laughter, “I’ll be alright.” Now that, he knew to be a lie. “We both knew-” a bubble of emotion in his throat he couldn’t hold back interrupted him, tears spilling from his eyes much more quickly than he could have ever expected.

“They didn’t tell me until- I just- I wanted to see you... One last time.” There was no trying to hide how your voice shook, but you still refused to give in, to break as hard as you did the first time he had left you, you didn’t want to make this worse for yourself, or for him.

But it still hurt all the same.

“This is not the last time, I can promise you that. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I… I never loved you, properly” He smiled weakly, thinking back on all the times he didn’t kiss you, hold you so tightly until he absolutely had to let go so you could breathe again, all the time he let pass without you by his side. He didn’t know if he was saying this for your benefit or his own, but the rush of determination that he felt as he said the words told him that this was a promise he wouldn’t break, he just couldn’t. “I will always love you.”

You focused yourself on regulating your breathing, you needed to stay in control, stay grounded, you needed to stay here, with him.

“But don’t feel that you have to wait for me.”

“Helmut…” You were almost shocked at his words, he had to have known how much he meant to you, that he had ruined anyone else that would ever try to love you, he was it for you, you don’t think you would ever love again if he never returned to you. “I will always wait for you. No matter what. I can promise you that.”

You lifted his chin with your fingers, making sure he saw the conviction in your eyes. He could tell you weren’t lying.

“I’ll be back, then, so you can keep your promise.”

“You better.” And although the two of you laughed quietly, there was a sadness laced within each chuckle that neither of you could miss.

“I love you.”

He took a deep breath, “I love you.” Uttering the words to you with a weight you don’t think you had ever heard him say them with before, like it was the last time he would ever get to say them.

He turned to the women behind him. “Ladies…”

This time you didn’t close your eyes, you refused to turn away this time, no matter how much it hurt you. You watched his every step as they escorted him off, a certain type of grief blooming in your chest as you watched his figure disappear into the distance.

Through his tears though, all he could do was smile, it was a sad smile, the kind of smile that you could see right through, but a smile nonetheless. What kind of man would he be if he didn’t make good on his promises? Especially the ones he made to you. Besides, as much as it pained him to leave you again, he knew he’d have plenty of time to think about rings and new residences for the two of you, so that if he returned to you, when he returned to you, he would finally be able to love you, properly.

owee, anyways! i hope you enjoyed! i thought this was just so cute but also so sad, like yes he's zemo so he'll find a way out eventually, but knowing how that for whatever period of time he's going to be without you and it just breaks his heart? oh my. as always, likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! hop into my ask box to discuss all the nerdy things! i hope you are all doing so well and i send you all my love! mwauh!

as always, likes, comments and reblogs are always, always appreciated!!

want more zemo? check out my masterlist!!

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