#just the the comedy of errors of the two of them trying to break out of a fucking jail cell

[voxxy-pumpkin]

Al and Vox go to jail and have a great time

[dialogue under cut vvv]

Alastor: "Hmm... Well I do see a few lovely birds outside."

Vox: "ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO GET US OUT OF HERE?!?"

[heechwe]

night changes | 𝐥𝐡𝐬

୨୧ pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader ୨୧ word count: 3k ୨୧ genre: smut, fluff, hint of comedy ୨୧ tags: roomates to lovers au, pet names (love, baby, etc.), dirty talk, size kink, face sitting, 69, unprotected sex, creampie. ୨୧ synopsis: Maybe a citywide power outage is what you need to finally confess your feelings. Well, that and a risque card game. ➸ Birthday fic for the beautiful boy!! Also, the card game is fictional and takes inspiration from other card games like Hot Seat!

“How many candles do we have left?” You ask in the form of a groan, trying to find a bar of reception in your apartment. With the power suddenly lost from the blistering rainstorm outside, it’s a wonder when it will calm down and you’ll have access to the outside world again.

“Relax. I bought more a couple days ago when I was tracking the path of the storm. No big deal.” Heeseung begins lighting them and placing them around your shared apartment. By the time he’s finished, the candlelight gives enough coverage of the living spaces for you both to walk around without issue.

Heesung has always been good at that. He can prepare for the worst and keep a cool head in the midst of chaos, including when your fiery temper rears its head. But your fire comes in handy sometimes. When he doesn’t want to deal with talking to your landlord or fixing errors with the management company, you take the reins. The balance you both established is why you work so well as friends and roommates. 

“I wonder how long we’ll be out of power,” you mumble, drumming your fingers across the arm of the couch and trying not to have a meltdown. The cool air from the open windows provides some relief, even if you’re running hot from your spiked nerves.

“Well, whether it’s a few hours or a dozen, we just gotta make the best of it.” Heeseung smiles. Suddenly, his eyes widen and he claps his hands together. “How about board games?”

You giggle. “When was the last time you played a board game, Hee?”

“It’s been a minute,” he confesses, a shy smile on his lips. “But, hey! Never a better time than now.”

The two of you open the spare living room closet to grab a handful of board games you’ve collected since living in the apartment together. You rifle through them, Candyland immediately catching your eye. But Heeseung has other ideas.

“Oh! Let’s do Hot Topics!” Heeseung holds up the box with a smirk, immediately opening it to rifle through its contents.

“But there’s only two of us!”

“So? We’ll make it work!” He sits down on the living room rug and pats the spot next to him.

You oblige his request. How couldn’t you when he smiles at you in that way? With his cute cheeks and Adam's apple bobbing in laughter—no. You’re not going to trudge up these old feelings again, especially during such an unfortunate situation.

You’re friends and roommates, end of. 

Heeseung shuffles the cards and pulls out the first one on the top of the deck. “Alright, first one. All Play: Would I marry someone twice my age if it meant I never had to work again?” He considers the question, but you immediately let out a noise similar to one you would make when vomiting.

“No fucking way! I don’t want my husband one foot out the door!”

“Well, if I didn’t have to work at the ramen shop anymore—” Heeseung wiggles his eyebrows and you shove him in the shoulder. He expels a hearty laugh. “I’m kidding! I agree with you.”

The game continues on, prompts and questions so ridiculous they make any lingering anxiety about the storm ebb away, too lost in the game and your friend to notice the ever-present storm outside your door.

You take a new card from the deck, flipping it upside to reveal the prompt. “Dare: Stare at the player next to you for thirty seconds. The first one to break eye contact has to skip their turn.” You throw the card in the discarded pile without a care. “That’s so easy.”

“Bring it on.” You move positions to face Heeseung, his eyes immediately lighting up with the challenge presented to you both.

“Three, two, one,” you count down. “Go!”

Heeseung tries to make you break immediately with a goofy face, but you stand resolute, eyebrows furrowed and mouth in a thin line. But then, he stares you down with his bright eyes and soft smile, making your entire body go cold. This could not be happening. You aren’t feeling your stupid, childlike crush come back at you in full force. Not tonight. Not like this.

You had been so stern in keeping it stamped down the past two years you’ve been roommates. It hadn’t been easy, but with enough practice and denial, it seemed pretty easy to keep it at bay. But now, the only two people in the darkness of this room, you wonder how much longer your resolve can hold.

You fake a heavy cough and turn away. Heeseung screeches in victory with his arms raised up high. “Weak! You’re so weak.”

You roll your eyes and turn back to face the deck. “Whatever, dumbass. Pick the next card.”

He reads his new card aloud. “Truth: How long was your longest crush?” He releases an anxious laugh, and then throws the card into the pile amongst the other used ones. “Longest one’s still going.”

You turn your head to face him, but he’s only staring at the deck. He grabs the next card and ignores how his confession has created a new, heavy fog of tension. If Heeseung has a crush, one that’s apparently been in the works for awhile, neither Jake nor anyone else gave you the head’s up about it.

Heeseung reads the next challenge aloud. “Dare: Excite one player just by kissing them for 10 seconds. You’re not limited to the player’s lips.” His eyes go wide as he holds the card tightly between his fingers. “If you don’t want me to, I—“”

You laugh it off, taking the card from him and setting it on the floor. “It’s fine. It’s just a game, right?”

“Right.” Heeseung inches closer, your faces barely a few inches apart. You were prepared for him to kiss you on the mouth and that would be the end of it, but you tremble in pleasure when you realize his lips are suddenly attached to your neck.

A moan escapes your lips when he begins to suck on the space of your neck near your collarbone. He doesn’t use his hands at all. All it takes is his mouth, its soft pressure creating a swirling eruption within your stomach, begging to be released. He licks at your bruising skin, pressing his mouth there once more before stepping back.

When he’s back in his normal position, the timer goes off. “So, uh,” he says, cutting through the sudden awkward silence, “are you excited?”

You blush and bite down on your bottom lip hard, no words coming out in response. You turn your attention back to the deck. “F-Finally, my turn again!”

You turn another card for the next prompt, reading it in your head and wanting to jump out the window before Heeseung can see it. “Dare: Kiss the player you would most likely go on a date with on the cheek.”

You tell yourself to just get it over with, in spite of your jumbling nerves. Excuse it after as a technicality, him being the only living person in existence in the apartment to kiss for the challenge. End it there and hope the past few dares do not destroy the sanctity of your friendship.

You crawl on your hands to get close to Heeseung’s cheek, but before you can land the kiss, he turns his head and catches your mouth with his. You’re unprepared for the act, but your lips quickly become accustomed once you spend a second or two in his embrace. His lips are gentle, teasing, eager for you, and it makes your knees feel like cotton. 

He pulls you up from your position to rest in his lap, still pressing his mouth to yours. Suddenly, his tongue is licking at the roof of your mouth, and your body feels like a live wire. How did he have the power to jumpstart your nerves and set them on fire all at once?

You separate from him, confusion clouding your sudden desire. “Why’d you do that?”

“I wanted to.” Heeseung moves stray hairs from your face, the baby hairs clinging to your skin from the sweat. “Did you not want me to?”

“No, I did!” You giggle nervously. “I just didn’t know how you’d react if I said so.”

“Why did you never say anything before?” Heeseung looks genuinely confused and concerned. He wonders how much more obvious he had to have been. Before this moment, had he missed chances to give you the signs? Clearly so, with your stammered words and nervous limbs. He had to get better at his communication.

“Do you know how awkward it would’ve been if you hadn’t felt the same?” You ask him the rhetorical question, your eyebrow quirked up. “Just tiptoeing around the both of us knowing I have this exhaustive crush on you?”

Heeseung chuckles into your neck. If you described your crush in that way, his had to have been all-consuming, even if you were oblivious to it. “Exhaustive?”

“I mean,” you whisper, “do you know how hard it is to look at you and not want to jump you all the time?”

You feel his bulge tighten against his sweatpants, the sensation against your body making you gasp. Heeseung smirks in response. “Well, clearly it’s a mutual thing.”

The two of you resume kissing, both lost in the relief of your feelings mirroring each others’. In spite of the current storm still whipping the trees against your apartment building, you were so at ease wrapped around Heeseung like a vine.

If anything, Mother Nature is mimicking all the sensations bubbling up inside of you, close to reaching their boiling point with the way Heeseung expertly touches and squeezes your skin while his mouth covers your face in kisses.

“Do you know how long I’ve wanted this?” He asks as he lays you down on the living room rug, hands in your hair and lips magnetized to the spot on your neck where he had kissed you previously. “How long I’ve thought about being in your bed? Touching you, tasting you, feeling you.”

“Heeseung, please.” You inch his shirt up and over his head, admiring the divots and ridges of his newly-revealed muscles.

It isn't the first time you’ve seen him shirtless, but it’s only the beginning of the night, and you’re certain you’ll see parts of him you haven’t seen yet. The thought alone makes your body tingle in all the right places. “Stop talking and touch me more.”

“So impatient.” Heeseing releases a devilish laugh into the column of your throat. “I want to savor this. Savor you.”

“We have all the time in the world until the power goes out. I want you,” you whine, bucking your hips up into nothing but his clothed legs and hips, his bulge barely brushing your clothed heat. 

Heeseing hisses and makes you both sit up, his expression blown from lust. “Sit on my face.”

You laugh, hesitant yet excited. “What?”

He places a kiss on your lips with every pause between his words. “I. Said. Sit. On. My. Face.”

You listen to his tone, playfully demanding but completely serious. This is a new side of Heeseung you had never seen. The same humorous guy you felt butterflies for since the day you met, but with an edge of vulgarity that leaves you in impure anticipation. 

You tug off both your cotton shorts and underwear. You may still be wearing your tank top, but you imagine that will come off soon too.

You settle your body down on Heeseung’s awaiting tongue. Your body trembles when he takes an eager lick along your folds, his mouth immediately enveloped in your heat. “Jesus, are you always this wet?” He asks, voice muffled but still clear enough for you to hear.

“Only when I think of you,” you confess. Many nights alone proved the only way to get off was with the image of Heeseung’s face and body between your legs in your brain. Even if he was seven feet away on another overnight session of League of Legends, you had to get your fix.

“Fuck.” He pulls you down further onto his mouth, practically suffocating him as he laps at your cunt mercilessly. Your mouth hangs open in ecstasy, all the fantasies you held incomparable to this.

Heeseung’s hips match yours in their rhythm against his face, and you feel guilty the poor man is receiving no pleasure while you have all of it. You reach over to the top of his sweatpants and pull them down, his cock springing free from the material. The tip leaks a hefty amount of precum, and you smear it down his girthy length with one hand.

Heeseung moans against your center, but he pulls himself back. “You don’t have to–”

“You’re taking care of me,” you pant, “let me take care of you.”

You wrap your lips around his tip, experimenting with the pressure and size of him on your tongue. When he groans and growls in between your legs, lapping at your essence with even more fervor, you take his entire length in your mouth.

“God, you’re too good at this,” Heeseung moans, rolling his hips into your awaiting mouth and cursing when he feels the back of your throat. “I could have your mouth on me all fucking day.”

You continue like that for a while, tasting each other and teasing the waters until both of you are a mess. It’s a mesmerizing dance you’re in with him, chasing your highs together. But you’re unsure who will ask to take the next step. Removing your mouth from his with a resounding pop, you plead, “Please Hee, I want you inside of me.”

“Anything for you.” He gently gets up from between your legs and positions himself against the couch. He signals for you to sit on his lap, a playful grin on his lips. You do so without a second thought, anticipating his body molding to yours perfectly. How did the night start with you both planning another ramen-filled movie night and end up here?

You sink down onto him, the sudden fullness making your eyelids shut from the sensation. “Damn, you’re so tight,” he growls, slowly rocking you onto him with his hands on your hips. “Feels fucking incredible.”

“Y-You’re so big, Hee. It’s amazing.” You find your own pace, languidly riding him as the wind still rages on outside. Besides the weather, the sounds of your skin against his crowd the space of your apartment.

Heeseung removes your tank top quickly, clutching one of your breasts to knead the skin. “You like it, don’t you?” Heeseung whispers. “Being filled up by me, stretched out and fucked hard?” He takes the other breast into his mouth, latching his lips onto your nipple and swirling his tongue wickedly.

“Yes, fuck yes. Only by you, Hee.”

He bucks his hips up into you, your body slamming down on him in fast increments to compensate for his new rhythm. “Yeah, baby, tell the entire floor who’s making you feel this good.”

“Heeseung, fuck,” you scream out his name. It doesn’t matter if the rain and wind can’t conceal your sounds. All you care about is this moment, right here with him in your living room, all your desires coming to fruition. “Fuck, it’s so good.”

After more kisses and curses of pleasure leaving both of your lips, you feel the end deep in your stomach, the release tightening and ready to snap. “I’m gonna come,” you say.

“Ride me harder, baby,” he responds, moving his hand in between your bodies to rub your clit in a frenzy. “Use me. Come all over me.”

You do, feeling your body use what’s left of its energy to reach your peak quickly. You cry out a final time as your orgasm floods your senses, your body alive yet limp from the endorphins circulating through your system.

“Ah, fuck.” Heeseung spills inside of you mere seconds after, your sounds coupled with the feeling of your pulsing walls around him enough for his body to climax as well. He milks it all, hips rocking up into you to exhaust himself in an effort to feel his entire release.

You both slow down, but you relish in the feeling of the sudden warmth of Heeseung’s orgasm inside of you. It trickles down between your legs and onto Heeseung himself as he begins to pull out of you, and the sight may just make him rock-hard again. But he’ll save the image for another night.

Heeseung gives you a final, tender kiss before he stands up from his spot on the floor. He runs to the bathroom for a washcloth, wetting it to clean the both of you up. When he’s done, he takes great care in snuffing out the candles around the house.

You tease him for it, but he reminds you about the serious fire hazard of leaving them burning overnight, to which you agree. “Always one step ahead, babe,” Heeseung jokes.

He brings a blanket with him to cover the both of you up, your body immediately warmed by his. Your head rests on his bicep, his muscle the perfect pillow. 

In that moment, you’re content with not just the power being out, the only sounds being the storm and the air leaving your lungs. You’re content to be here in the dark with Heeseung, the feelings you repressed for so long not only released but reciprocated.

Heeseung kisses your forehead and hums you to sleep, his voice the last sound you hold onto before you’re whisked away to dreamland.

You wake up nestled in Heeseung’s arms on the living room floor, the blanket he grabbed barely covering both of your bodies. You hear the sound of your Roomba trying to connect to the bluetooth and feel the blue morning sky on your skin, telltale signs the power’s back on and the storm has gone on its way.

You smile to yourself, snuggling further into Heeseung’s neck and kissing the skin there. Who knew a power outage could bring two people together like this?

He rustles awake a moment later, his eyelashes fluttering open so beautifully. A smile stretches across his face when he sees what you’re doing. In the light of day, his face is even more breathtaking, and you’re grateful its expressions are reserved solely for you now. “Good morning.”

You blush. “Very good morning.”As you kiss him, invigorating his energy and leftover desire from the night prior, you think you’ll have to send the manufacturers of Hot Topics a thank-you card.

@yvnempire @sjylouvre @mini-mews @jayparked @heesuncore @yoursjaeyun @sungbeams @jenoslutie @loserlvrss

𝐧𝐞𝐭𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬 ౨ৎ˚₊

@kvanity-main @sweetvenomnet @onedoornet @sayxonet @violetanet @svthub @whipped-kpop-creators

[randomfoggytiger]

React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (Founder's Mutation), Part II

This is gonna be quick and dirty because my keyboard’s acting up--

IT’S A CONTINUATION FROM MY STRUGGLE I?????????? NO WHY NO, PLEASE NO. 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

WHY do those glasses not fit anymore?? If Mulder lifts his eyebrows, they don’t even touch his cheekbones. But they were fine last episode, what happened. 

Mulder reminding us about William in yet another opening monologue. I may have the memory of a goldfish, Mulder, but I don’t have brain damage. 

I’m already so tired. 

Narration, narration, sudden voice change and drop, “Bringing Scully and I back together”-- okay, that’s straight-up David's voice. 

Oh, good. A bloody eyeball. How marvelous. 

If this is the brain Morse Code episode, I will throw hands. 

I’m Dr. Sanjay. We’re both too tired. 

WHAT’S WITH THE SHAKY CAM AS DR. SANJAY DETERIORATES. 

I’m not gonna be nit-picky… okay, I am. 

The X-Files has a certain style, aesthetically. Because of that, one has to operate inside the rules in order to cleverly bend them. Shaky cam AND close-up break two rules back-to-back.

This "modernization" isn’t a limbered stretch so much as a spinal dislocation. 

Ghost in the Machine and Blood 2.0, I see. But worse. 

The “Sanjay losing control” scene is… not too different from similar 90s ones.

But that’s the problem-- the visuals have updated, but not the method. And that leaves us with the impression that the director or screenwriter or both are either amateur or outdated. 

It’s also incredibly cluttered and confusing. Not confusing in a way that would expertly translate the meltdown in Sanjay’s brain, but confusing in a way that bombards us, the audience, with compounding “lost in translation” errors. 

Okay, welp, he’s dead. 

WHY do Mulder and Scully sound so old? Was it absolutely necessary to suck the life force out of the actors every time they walked on set? For Pete’s sake, I’ve heard more life in David’s voice while reading a Lexus ad. 

Okay, DD’s picking up a bit, and GA’s compensating with her expressions but none of this is engaging. 

Minor nitpick-- and I know both actors complained about wardrobe later-- but the second Mulder gets pants that fit him and Scully remembers to finish buttoning up her top, the sooner I’ll get a glimpse of the old show. Just sayin’. 

His pants will eventually swing to the opposite tragedy, copping a feel while forcing him to do a little Marilyn Monroe shimmy.

I shall call them Patriarchy Pants.

Scully knows Indian?

She really is the series’ language OC, isn’t she. 

Mulder got this informant to trust him by flashing his puppy eyes. I mean… it’s always worked on Scully. 

Speaking of which… where’s Scully? 

I’m wracking my brain, but I thiiiiiiiiiiink it’s consistent, even pre-S9 canon, for Mulder to sneak off and fill Scully in later. So, no complaints. I think. 

What is it about the comedy scene that didn’t work…? 

Hm. 

‘Kay, so, if this guy (Gupta, looked it up) is no longer a repressed homosexual-- like he chastises Mulder for being-- then why was he so skittish in the bar? 

He didn’t know Sanjay was dead, so therefore he didn’t know he was in danger (note from the future: he isn't in danger... which explains his skittishness even less.)

So, is his jumpiness because of repressed or hidden homosexuality? But he says he's out and urges Mulder to come out, as well.

Perhaps he's saying one thing and living another, i.e. pretending to be out and proud to save face in front of Mulder.

But then... that would be the comedy in this scene-- that he would have to eat his words (ex. another guy opens the door on them and Gupta makes a big fuss trying to cover up the homosexuality of it all-- “no homo” dialed up to 11, etc.) 

So, he was either scared to be on a hit list-- yet wasn’t aware he might be on one-- or scared of being outed-- yet didn't signal this in his actions or dialogue.

If this is Gupta’s only scene, it was a waste.

It was a waste of an introduction, regardless. But.  

Oh, Scully’s doing an autopsy, got it. 

Characters are playing by their strengths, got it. 

Also, forgot to note, Mulder sensing the guys in the bar were bad news points to his years spent on the job. A great touch.

…Unless, now that I think of it, Gupta invited him to a gay or hookup bar, consequently making Mulder look like an out-of-touch old buffoon. Which… fits his characterization in My Struggle I, but I hope for better things. 

I didn’t see any tension in Scully’s arms while pulling the instrument out of Sanjay’s ear, but, ya know, there weren’t perfect moments in OG canon, either. 

Gupta’s still here, okay. (DD getting away with a bit of humor by having Mulder act slightly out-of-place chuggin down in a bar-- I see you.) 

IT IS A GAY BAR. 

MULDER’S AN IDIOT, CONFIRMED. 

“He lived two lives.” Okay, that’s f-- “In two separate places.” NO, no, nonono-- get back over the unsubtle line before I whip out the broom, shooshooshooshooshoo.

Wait, why is Mulder explaining the autopsy results instead of Scully?

Even when he had a… siiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. 

Even when Mulder had a brewing theory in mind, he always let Scully explain all her results before asking pointed questions, hearing her findings, then crafting a theory and running it by her.

Here, Scully says, “I broke fingers to find words on palm"/"instrument went into these parts of the brain” and Mulder says “It went in at that angle then turned at this angle"/"[insert theory].”

When it SHOULD be: Scully explains fingers and cause of death, Mulder points at the pics and asks why the instrument’s angle changed, Scully says “it went in 90 degree angle then turned 60 degrees”, and Mulder concludes “Like he was hunting for something.” 

The shots widen out or cut back for shock value, it seems. Sanjay’s body is shown obliquely until Scully says she “looked everywhere” for clues, which prompts the camera to cut to a wide shot and hang on his sawed-open skull. The timing’s oddly comedic, the music is light, and nothing about the scene meshes. It quickly pancakes, leaving us and the characters with dead (heh) air.

The dialogue leans “we’re gonna do this next” telling rather than natural conversation showing. 

And-- I’ve gotta be frank-- I’ve not caught an ounce of chemistry from DD and GA aside from the scene where they were talk about phone stealing and Indian languages. 

The car scene contributed nothing... except a kid accidentally fell over the hood. Reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal covert set-up, I tell ya. 

Sanjay’s other apartment scene was… weird. They walk around, find pictures of experiments on kids, barely react, trip the silent alarm so the police show up--

Sorry, no, wait. The police show up ASAP, in THIS part of town? NAH. Not happening. 

Okay, the scene where Mulder has a… brain… thingy WORKS because it uses just the right amount of “new trick”: closeups without disorienting lens action slapped on top. THAT’s how you integrate a modernized technique into an older show; and it fits seamlessly into The X-Files. 

SO WHY DIDN’T THEY DO THIS FROM THE GET-GO?

Also, Scully may have had cancer, but she never had migraines. Those seem to be reserved for Mulder. 

Oh, we’re in Skinner’s office now. I guess. 

The clips are so poorly paced, switching or holding or integrating at the weirdest times. It even undercuts Mulder’s quips or Scully’s reactions. 

On a side note, DD and GA probably had a hard time finding their characters-- as they mentioned for both IWTB and the Revival-- because all they had to work off of was plot regurgitation. ....What do you do with that? 

I love the touch of Skinner playing hardball until Corporate Interest Guy leaves, then immediately switching to, “I assume you’re going to need [classified] copies, right?” 

…

…..

…….

Scully really doesn’t have much to add, does she? 

OH, we’re in the basement now. We're just... here. The first scene of these two back down here and they're just. Here. ...'Kay.

Mulder and Scully talking over his experience is the closest I’ve gotten to mature MSR… and it’s ruined by Scully stating the obvious, “There were no sounds. I didn’t hear anything.”

LOOK, OKAY? Mulder became CATATONIC before with these exact same symptoms and was only saved by a secret science mumbo jumbo brain surgery, WHY ISN’T SHE WORRIED. It’s equivalent to her getting a nosebleed and just wiping it away, no big deal. 

“Mulder, what are you hiding?”

He’s not hiding anything, Scully, he’s telling you. 

But if he were, that’d be outta character even for Beanpole Sneakybritches. By this point, he’d have a functioning theory to share with the class-- which he did, lest we forget.

...Or developed a taste for Hercule Poirot drama while holed up in depressed isolation, I guess (which you left him to, Scully; so this is your fault, tangentially.) Which would be stupid. 

 (Note from the future: He was hiding something, but it didn't make sense how he leaped to that conclusion, anyway; so, logically, he has nothing to hide from her in this scene.)

But when's that stopped the show before?

“What are you hiding?” 

“Sanjay heard sounds right before he died. It could be you, Mulder.”

WHAT. 

Scully and Mulder established in the lab that Sanjay heard noises right before he died. 

Mulder heard noises. 

Tells Scully in the basement. 

Scully: “I didn’t hear noises.” No reaction. 

Scully: “What are you hiding?”

Mulder explains his frequency theory.

Scully doesn’t see how it fits. 

Mulder: “What are you hiding?” 

Scully: “Sanjay heard sounds right before he died. It could be you, Mulder.” No reaction. 

PLEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE END MY SUFFERING.

16 min. in. 

Been typing nearly an hour (a dying keyboard’ll do it to ya.) 

“This is dangerous,” Scully says, flatly. 

“When has that ever stopped us?” Mulder asks, brightly. 

He is quite literally trying to pump life back into her-- WHO directed GA this way? You can tell which scenes she is given freer reign in (more natural, less muted) and which ones she is more tightly “guided” (less alive, more dead.) 

How is she spry enough to be a field agent? How is Mulder? Skinner hasn’t aged a day but these two have been MOWED. DOWN. DD and GA aren’t like this in real life, so what gives? 

Our Lady of Sorrows, go away. 

It’s Karen Kosseff except it isn’t. 

Mulder and Scully sneakily scare the daylights outta a Conservative-adjacent medical personnel with the dreaded threat of an “Obamacare” witchhunt... and at this point, the social commentary seems performative rather than intelligent. 

I’m not gonna break it down by politics; but suffice to say, while Mulder and Scully were never above a little “campaign of misinformation”, but they've never stooped low enough to fearmonger-- in fact, they looked down on those who did. 

CC-- he wrote this episode, too, right?-- turned them from FBI agents with ethics into Secret Agents with a dose of Krycekian immorality. 

Just when I think I’ve “found” MSR, the writing snatches them back from me.

…And ANOTHER THING. 

Ever since IWTB, Our Lady of Sorrows has been an awful, horrible, no-good, close-minded facility stuffed to the brim with egos and bottom-of-the-barrel intelligence. At least they’ve been upgraded from “let the kid die” psychopaths to “OBAMACARE?? INVESTIGATING OUR SAINTED, CONSERVATIVE COLLEAGUE????” Which makes them stupidly impressionable and stupendously ignorant of the law. Which they would know… because it affects their hospital. 

There’s no hint (thus far) that Scully has some dirt on them and maneuvers them into compliance by hinting at certain shortcuts they wouldn’t want investigated. No. Instead, she weaponizes their faith-- calling the guy they want to interview a “godsend”-- despite sharing it, and despite taking all matters of belief very seriously; then lets Mulder slip in the Obamacare line because… Conservative medical professionals would cow in the face of that implication instead of, I don’t know, stonewalling to protect their ranks? 

It’s such a silly, nonsensical line. 

I just want old Mulder and Scully back, is that too much to ask for?

And the lady almost stonewalled, anyway. It was pure luck that Scully pulled the right emotional strings. 

UGH. 

“I’ll agree to relay a message,” Not-Karen says… then walks off before asking what that message would be. …Sure, fine, that makes sense. 

Pregnant teen or young woman and….

And….

WHAT, IS THIS A CONTINUED PLOT POINT???????????

ANOTHER PREGNANCY PLOTLINE?????????? DO THE POWERS-THAT-BE NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO TUBES OR JARS OR WHATHAVEYOU TO GROW THEIR EXPERIMENTS, OR DID THEY ALL COPYPASTE THE EVES' AND DR. PARENTI’S VERY SPECIFIC NICHE?????

Hate the camera angles, too, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. 

Used and abused women, dismissed young mothers, callous Catholic hospitals…. It’s so… vitriolic. And all so poorly handled. 

“Desire is the devil’s pitchfork,” oh, great, the Catholic nun? lady is eeeeeeeeeeevil, who would have knooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooown--     

WHY. DOES. MULDER. SOUND. SO. OLD. 

No wonder DD and GA think the series isn’t really about happy endings, they were shuffling around like geriatric Eeyores half the time. 

Scully pushing back against Mulder protecting her from the incubation theory right after he tells her the incubation theory: in a word, disjointed. She needed to confront him BEFORE he spells it out to her-- 

…My brain melted and I lost the thought…. Wait…. Nope, it’s gone. 

“Is this what you believe happened to me, fifteen years ago? When I got pregnant, when I had my baby?” WWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAT. 

“Mybaby”??????????? After all this time, MY BABY. 

WHY ISN’T GA ACTING APPROPRIATELY, SHE’S GIVING US NOTHING DESPITE BEING THE SOLE EMOTIVE PERSON ON THIS TEAM. 

IF THAT LINE IS MEANT TO IMPLY SHE’S CREATING DISTANCE WITH “MY BABY” BECAUSE SHE THINKS MULDER IS DISOWNING WILLIAM, YOU’VE NOT ESTABLISHED, AT ALL, THAT RETICENCE IS PART OF HER SELF-PRESERVATION-- NOT ONE TIME, SINCE THE REVIVAL STARTED. 

AND IF THAT WERE THE CASE, SCULLY WOULD HAVE ACCUSED HIM DIFFERENTLY: NOT FLAT AND TIRED, BUT FLAT AND ANGRY. WHERE’S SCULLY’S ANGER THAT SHE’S HAD FROM DAY ONE, THAT SHE LOST RIGHT AFTER EXISTENCE SAID HAPPILY-EVER-AFTER????????

GIVE ME GUMPTION, GIVE ME SPIT, GIVE ME FIRE, GIVE ME RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION!!!!

SO THEY ABANDONED THE INCUBATOR TALK TO TALK ABOUT HER REGRETS, I GUESS. 

THERE WAS NO POINT A TO POINT B, WE’RE JUST HERE NOW.

I don’t mind the rehash-- Mulder and Scully both had a habit of doing that, back in the day… but I’m not getting any of MULDER or SCULLY from these two… Revival robots. 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, this is the “what could have been” episode. Thanks, I’m gonna hate it. 

“Do you think he could have been an experiment?”

“I don’t know,” GET OUTTA HERE, ACTUALLY GET OUTTA HERE. 

MULDER’S WHOLE ARC IN ESSENCE-EXISTENCE WAS THAT HE KNEW THE MATH ADDED UP TO BEING WILLIAM’S FATHER (though the writers did their best to obfuscate that issue) BUT WAS AFRAID SCULLY’S BABY WOULD BE BORN WITH SURPRISES. INSTEAD, HE WAS A NORMAL, HEALTHY BABY; AND MULDER CALLED HIS SON A MIRACLE BECAUSE OF IT.

BEFORE SEASON 9 RETCONNED IT, ANYWAY. BUT EVEN THEN, WILLIAM WAS UNDENIABLY HIS MINI MULDER.

Even in IWTB, how many years later, Mulder still considered William theirs. 

Also, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait. 

Pause. 

Rewind. 

Stop. 

Mulder misses William but had to put that “behind him.” 

That. has got to be. The most. antithetical statement to Mulder’s character that I have ever. Ever. heard. 

You can’t have it both ways, CC: Mulder can’t be pushed by the ghosts of his past into wrecking his and Scully’s relationship, twice (IWTB and the Revival), while also putting HIS CHILD behind him. 

nnooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOnonononononNONONONONONONO.

THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. THAT MAKES NO SENSE. 

YOU’RE A LIAR, A LYING LIAR LIAR FACE. 

THAT’S NOT MULDER. 

MULDER WOULD NEVER SAY THAT. 

SCULLY MIGHT, BUT EVEN THEN SHE’D STILL BE LYING TO HERSELF. 

Scully was shattered into a million pieces in My Struggle I, and Mulder is obliterated in this one. 

How. 

Absolutely. 

Lovely. 

Also, again, Scully isn’t emoting fear or terror for her son. At all. 

NORMAL SCULLY VOICE??????????????????????????????????

NORMAL. SCULLY. VOICE????????????????????????????????????????

WHAT. 

I’M, I’M, WHAT. 

FOR THE FLASHBACKS, BUT NOT FOR THE SERIES????????????????????????

UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

The cutback from the flashback-dreamsequence-whatever to Scully just… sitting there. Not napping. Not dreaming, just. Thinking, I guess. 

But the sequence was obviously a dream, so. 

Can you imagine if she snapped upright from her dream, possibly at her desk? The gifs sets that could have been made mirroring this moment to Mulder’s nightmare in Paper Hearts. 

THERE’S THE SAME “OPEN THE DESK DRAWER TO SEE A PHOTO” MOTIF, TOO. 

...WHY IS THAT ASSISTANT WALKING LIKE SHE'S ON A CATWALK?

That actress said, “This is my big shot, I’m gonna stick out” (literally), and dressed to kill. 

…Or she’s a piece of commentary on the Evil Scientist Doctor and the male gaze, or something. 

Guys, no facility would have kids kept behind glass cages for their entire lifespan. 

That’s dumb. 

Scully tells the scientist he’s testing (trying to isolate) for alien DNA. He shows them out. 

Agnes (the teen or young mother) got killed and her baby taken, of course. 

At least Scully’s no longer pretending medical people aren’t stealing babies or creating mutants, I guess. 

I GUESS. 

Mulder had to wiggle his way over to the printer because his Patriarchy Pants (first sighting!) are too tight. (Told you his fashion swings in the opposite direction.) 

Mulder said, “This is my skinny jean era”, and I think I’m traumatized. 

Syndicate wanted to colonize the world with alien-human hybrids, says Mulder. And though it was unsuccessful--

(HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT)

--he doubts they stopped trying. 

So, that sweeps away the Supersoldiers, I guess. 

Since, y��know, the Revival said the aliens were never involved to begin with. 

So it was just the government making a hoax of the government hiding aliens but pretending they weren’t but really were but weren’t. 

Got it. 

What did Scully’s study about all European men being traced back to three individuals in the Bronze age (that’s a reference to Shem, Ham, and Japheth, isn’t it CC?) have to do with Mulder’s point other than for her to talk about her study. 

An illustrative hypothetical:

Mulder: “Everyone loves juice.” 

Scully: “I read a paper last year that found the three most favored juice flavors tie back to the Whirligig tastebud genome.” 

…’Kay.

I HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES LEFT, LET IT EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND. 

Jackie (Evil Scientist Man's “insane” wife) doesn’t like cats and threw an apple at it. …Why’s there a loose cat in the “mental asylum”?

They put in the spooky track from the original show-- the tinkling symbol sound-- when she recounted her daughter breathing underwater, but I liked that bit. 

Good filming, good bit. 

Jackie was being used for experiments, crashed her car, was forced via the brain thingy to cut her child out, the end. 

…Oh, right, this plot was supposed to be about Sanjay. 

My bad. 

You forgot, too, didn’t you. 

…Why doesn’t Jackie like cats again? 

(Note from the future: Jackie feared her biological daughter because she had supernatural abilities; and ran away hoping to save her son from the same experimentation and fate. ...But her son? (or her daughter?) already had powers and forced her to cut him out??? by manipulating her brain????????? to find his way back to his sister??????????????? Even though he was a baby??????????????????? (She still doesn't know this and wishes she could see him again...????????????????????????????????????????)

This is such a BAD. SCRIPT. 

It has no direction, it swings wildly from topic to topic, nothing really connects together, it’s all… nonsensical garbage. 

Mulder gets closeted at a gay bar, the Catholic lady hates men and thinks unwed mothers are damaged, women are made to cut babies out of their stomachs, Mulder put William behind him, Scully has a waking dream instead of a sleeping one, aaaaaaaaaaaaand… Jackie hates cats. 

No, you will not get a logical explanation for any of this. 

Awwww, look, Jackie’s talking about her missing boy because she thinks about him “every day” but hasn’t seen him since and so does Scully, of course, and Mulder can sense that so he, looks, too, and this case will make him cling to William’s memory again and--

One word. Riverdale. 

“All my training-- everything that I know about psychology--” WHAT. Scully, you’re a medical doctor, not a psychologist. Definitely not a psychiatrist. 

So Mulder can read x-rays with medical accuracy, and Scully can read Indian and diagnose someone’s psychological state. 

Great.  

Just peachy. 

By the way, if you’re wondering why Mulder keeps getting bumped into or keeps peripherally noticing janitorial staff at each location, here’s your payoff (NO, IT WASN’T HAMFISTED, YOU JUST DIDN’T NOTICE THAT THIS WAS A PLOT POINT AT ALL, IT'S SO CLEVER):

The janitors work for a larger company that also services the hospitals. And Sanjay’s company. 

….Eh? Eh? Clever isn’t it??

NOITISN’T. 

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, so the kids are dying and inadvertently killing… off… their… parent? Or something? Or the reverse?

(Note from the future: Jackie feared her biological daughter because she had supernatural abilities; and ran away hoping to save her son from the same experimentation and fate. ...But her son?-- or her daughter?-- already had powers and forced her to cut him out??? by manipulating her brain????????? to find his way back to his sister??????????????? Even though he was a baby??????????????????? And she still doesn't know this, hoping to see him again someday...????????????????????????????????????????

THAT DOESN'T EXPLAIN WHY THE TEEN/YOUNG WOMAN WAS ALSO FORCED TO CUT HER BABY OUT AFTER BEING HIT BY A CAR, per the baby's instructions. Because that's what the episode says happens.

DO THESE ALIEN BABIES HAVE SOMETHING AGAINST VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER OR WHAT????)

Guys, this is dumb. 

Mulder’s stupid sunglasses. 

But he looks goofy overall, so I’ll CHOOSE to be endeared rather than angry or petulant.  

(IchoosethisIchoosethisIchoosethisIchoosethis--)

Wait, why does Mulder keep getting affected by the brain thing?

More importantly. 

The episode is setting up a few, blatant parallels:

These parents are having brain problems.

Their kids are experimentation kids.

William's probably an experimentation kid.

Which is stupid, but would then prove Mulder is the biological father.

They will sacrifice this parallel to the plot but also because Scully, not Mulder, ends up being the one to communicate constantly with William.

Which would prove William-Jackson is still Scully's biologically.

(Note from the future: This complete theory is debunked in about two seconds; but will be recycled later for Scully's Morse Code seizure. Wonderful.)

It’s all. 

So. 

Stupid.

Stupid sunglasses. 

I…

I died laughing. 

Guys. 

I’m gonna include a clip because it’s so goofy. 

Context: Mulder’s brain thingy is acting up, so Scully has to run around to find a kid-- Kyle-- so he’ll… help? her partner. Hence, we have Gillian trying to keep up her Revival smoker voice whilst running off and shouting, “KYyyYYyyyyYYLLllelleleee”:

This is The X-Files. 

Weep and gnash your teeth in torment. 

This is old. 

Sorry, Mulder’s ears should be busted by now. Gimme fic where he now has to use hearing aids.  

They grabbed Kyle and stuffed him in the car. 

Ahh, this is the scene where Mulder looks back at Kyle and someone mentioned it looks like Mulder looking back at William in another, better universe (post here.) 

Okay, so, this kid doesn’t mean to hurt people by communicating with his mind, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut was or wasn’t responsible for Sanjay’s death (who was helping him.)

Scully decides “LET’S PRETEND TO HAND HIM OVER TO HIS EVIL SCIENTIST DAD IN ORDER TO FIND HIS SISTER” and that sounds reasonable. As reasonable as a starving pig at a pie fair. 

Wait.

The kid was a janitor.

Sanjay was helping him.

Sanjay was working for Evil Scientist dude.

Sanjay was trying to figure out where the kid's sister was, or he knew where she was but wasn't telling the kid?

The kid-- Kyle-- accidentally killed Sanjay because his... powers were outta control?

And... the kid can connect with different people's minds and that's how he hacked Mulder's brain (which retracts my biological theory... until, again, Scully's Morse Code seizure reinforces it.)

But the kid attacked Mulder when Mulder and Scully questioned his (adopted) mom... didn't he already know who Mulder was?

And the kid kept pressuring Sanjay to find his sister, so much so that Sanjay hadn't been able to sleep well or function in weeks?

So, this kid's... questionable, at best.

Evil Scientist, M.D., pretended to introduce the kid to his sister, but Kyle wasn't BAMBOOZLED nor FOOLED. 

Oh, btw, this kid is Jackie’s son. Looks an awful lot like William-Jackson... but anyway. (Jackson's storyline is brazenly ripped off from CC's own material, wow-- right down to the "never saw my son again" line. The writers have charming things to say about adopted families in The X-Files.)

Now he’s running around the hospital looking for Molly (the sister who scared Jackie because she can breathe underwater, etc. etc.)

Reunited with Molly.

Now the kids are throwing the adults with their minds and killing Evil Scientist Badman with the brain thing in order to stay reunited, I guess. Like the Eves. (Another rip-off recycle of their own source material.)

SO, anyway, the Evil Scientist Father died a very gruesome death. 

Cut to the place swarmed with FBI. 

Another guy said, “Skinner, keep your sfjfkfsdfksj behind the red tape.” I think. Can’t understand him. 

Guys, this is the first Mulder-and-Scully posturing I’ve seen since the series began. Praise be, they’re not mannequins. 

Here's the Mulder and William "could have been"s.  

See, guys? His faith is back. He’s choosing to remember his son and reengage with his past~. 

Yeah, and where did THAT come from. 

To recap:

Mulder had depression sometime after 2012, so bad that it made Scully… leave, I guess (which would have been a death sentence for someone with a temperament like Mulder’s.) 

But he shouldn't have had depression after 2012 because 2012 just reset the Colonization clock (according to he, himself, and his theory.)  

So, he’s got "no reason" depression, then disconnects from Conspiracies and shoves away memories of William. 

But he hadn’t had a breakdown or disconnect from reality before My Struggle I (which made Scully’s decision to leave even stupider.) 

And Scully worries he’ll have a breakdown in My Struggle I. 

And he actually didn’t leave Conspiracyville despite also leaving it and knowing things he shouldn’t and not knowing things he should. 

Following?

Conspiracy guy calls up Skinner who calls up Scully who calls up Mulder; and he and she don't hesitate to investigate despite putting “that life” behind them. 

There were no aliens, period, only men in government wearing suits or planting false memories or whathaveyou. 

He’s still got depression but doesn’t, actually, in My Struggle I despite Scully thinking he does and worrying he’ll have a breakdown despite knowing he left Conspiracyville; but also won't be coming home, etc. etc.

Both are let into the FBI.

Still following? 

He put William behind him but engages in conspiracies now (despite still engaging in them while not engaging in them-- you get it.) 

Let me reiterate: Mulder. put someone that he loved. behind him. 

Mulder makes peace with the thought that William’s his son regardless and daydreams about movies and rocket ships. 

And that’s that on all his hangups, I guess. His crops are watered and his depression is cured. 

And now he and Scully are installed at the FBI... despite the unlikelihood either of them would pass the physical tests, let alone the training they'd need to requalify. To put them on the field otherwise would be very, very dangerous... right, Skinner?

The End. 

Just make this easier for me next time and beat a bat over my head. 

I do have another nitpick. 

Mulder is too downcast in his “happier times” flashbacks, especially compared to Scully’s buoyant, sweet, upbeat persona. So, basically, he has a stunning lack of imagination, I guess. 

Which, jokes aside, is an interesting thought: Mulder creating realities in his mind so convincingly mapped onto his current one that it’s even more devastating to snap out of them and face each and every unsatisfying day.

Also, both he and Scully have the same sort of nightmare....

This had BETTER be Jackson’s way of reaching out to them for help, or so help me I’m going to label these moments as narrative clickbait. 

EYYYYYY, we got an actual Mulder “NO!” It sounded like him, too! FINALLY! SPIRIT! SPUNK! THE MULDER ESSENCE. 

Oh, yeah, that William can get yeeted-- he doesn’t fit my headcanon, anyway. 

Mulder's sitting upright, too, without having woken from a nightmare.

…So this was a deliberate choice on the filmmakers’ part. 

So this is setting up for something. Like William communicating to them BOTH in waking dreams. 

We all know that won’t happen, but, anyway. 

CONCLUSION

YOU’RE NOT GETTING ME WITH THE HAPPY FAMILY TIMES, YOU MANIPULATORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.

YOU CAN’T TAKE ME ALIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE. 

Also: very rarely do I like movie kitchens, but Mulder's... is alright.

Lastly: again, I am so tired. 

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!  

[kandicon]

The more I think about how a human, modern au Toy Soldier wouldn't work the more obsessed I get with TRYING to make it work and frankly there's only a few more loops in this self dooming cycle before I make a college au for all of them.

-

Okay I saved this post to my drafts and then immediately had more thoughts on this hypothetical college au. All the mechs should be as close to their canon events/back stories as possible to avoid having wildly different personalities (obviously there will still be very differing personalities due to not being immortal space pirates, but this would be easiest). It would be a extremely sketchy comedy of errors.

Obviously this takes place in community college because community colleges are just like that™

Put under the cut because it got a bit long.

Jonny:

Still killed his dad and the entirety of the casino.

Using the money he got from the casino and Jack to fund his way through a college hours away from his hometown.

Is constantly paranoid over someone coming after him for his murders or finding out that his highschool diploma is a forgery (he didn't finish his last two years because of said murders).

Ashes:

Being put through college by the Lucky Sevens, and still does tracking work for them despite only being able to physically visit their turf over break.

Smooth Mickey has only just started working with the Aces in Ashes' freshman year.

It is going to be a WILD senior year when Ashes breaks open Mickey's scheme.

Banned from the card games club.

Tim:

Transfer student from London that only entered college in the first place to dodge the draft. He never expected to enter college in the first place and is therefore woefully unprepared.

Wildly protective over Bertie, who transferred with him and is the reason he dodged the draft in the first place.

Not as murderous as the canon Tim, but certainly getting there over immigration and transfer laws in the US.

Still has the first name of Gunpowder.

It is gonna be a WILD senior year when he and Bertie get caught up in the Lucky Sevens debacle and Bertie dies.

Raphaella:

Nobody knows what major she's taking, because by all intents and purposes it appears to be all of them.

She's breaking into the chem lab and making lsd after hours to fund her way through college.

Has cute little wings on her backpack that she made herself, but in reality they're just hidden storage compartments that she's been using to steal lab equipment.

Ivy:

Nothing about her is different except for the fact her autism is diagnosed this time.

She works at the community library and the college library. She started her major in library sciences, only to discover that she already knew more about it than her professors, so now she's an English lit major.

Marius:

Also got in on forged documents, but his are significantly shittier than Jonny's or Ashes' because he didn't have the money to pay someone for it. Still nobody comments on the birth certificate with "Byron" covered over with off-color white-out and replaced with "Marius.

He also completely erased the gender category while he was at it. Again, nobody who actually looks at these documents is paid enough to care.

Still missing an arm and he has broken up AND started fights by hitting people with his prosthetic.

Getting his doctorate in computer science, but usually does not tell people exactly what he's majoring in when he tells people he's going to be a doctor.

Nastya:

Fleeing a Russian rebellion and very obviously comes from wealth.

Her backstory is the same, just without the robots. Her history of wealth and terrible attempts at hiding her accent are painfully obvious to everyone she interacts with.

Double majoring in engineering and computer science. Unintentionally breaks Marius' scheme open when she asks to copy his notes when she missed a day for a class they share (she would have broken it faster if she knew what he was doing).

Was assigned as Raphaella's roommate and she gets free estrogen in exchange for ignoring everything else that's going on.

Got dragged into the friend group by Jonny after he came over one day to hang out with Raphaella and they bonded over disabling circulatory issues.

Brian:

On the run from the religious cult he grew up in, which he was kicked out of because he got internet access and started learning about reality.

Still has a hard time believing most people he'll talk to will accept basic facts like "the Earth is a sphere"

Did not have to forge papers to get in, but he would later get recommended to a good forger by Jonny and get some restraining orders out of it.

Ambulatory wheelchair user (because it makes me happy) with an extreme case of moral ocd

The Toy Soldier:

Holy shit this bitch had a bad childhood

In a dissociative state a good 90% of the time and has huge sensory issues with the feeling of its own flesh

Goes by "TS" and adamantly refuses to tell anybody why.

Being put through college by their wealthy adoptive mother. Definitely lied about the college being prestigious and doesn't want to examine exactly why it did that or why it felt so soul-crushingly important to get out of the country.

Was adopted by the widow after her husband died at war. Was basically treated as one family member swapped for another and was expected to grow up in his image and to be proper.

Walking on eggshells 24/7. Orders might as well still be a physical necessity to it for how much of a compulsion they are. Will jump to do anything to appease the people around it if they show any indication of being upset.

Tim becomes its first friend because him and Bertie are the only other transfer students from London. It rather likes talking about guns with him and giving away all its care packages to him so it doesn't dwell on why they make it so uncomfortable.

Starts off majoring in military studies over the ages, but will switch to general music studies after meeting the Angel.

Spoiler alert: it will still kill the Angel after she gets into a relationship with someone else, but thankfully this just makes a wild junior year instead of adding to the already wild senior year.

Obviously they're all still in a band together. And they're the most dysfunctional friend group this poor college has ever seen.

[kyliafanfiction]

Absolutely horrible (but in a possibly fun if done right) fic idea:

Instead of selling out Marquis identity to New Wave, the henchman in question sells him out to Empire 88 (I think there's a mention somewhere in the text of it being one of his goons who sold him out, could be wrong, but this is a fic, so it could just be a part of the AU).

Now, the text of Worm itself - I don't know if Ward sheds any light on this, or if there's a WoG, but you might, by now, know that I feel quite content to ignore those at my leisure anyway - leaves it ambiguous if Marquis actually killed Iron Rain or not. He could have been trying to subtly reach out to Amelia and lying, or it could have really happened.

Regardless, one assumes Allfather (who would have still been around at the time) isn't a fan of Marquis either way, or the lie wouldn't have been believable at all (if it was indeed a lie). Marquis is a tough customer, but given enough force brought to bear, it's plausible E88 could beat him, though perhaps with casualties.

Marquis is hardly going to just surrender to hand Amelia over to them, so assuming he doesn't successfully grab her and run away, he's probably fighting to the death. He dies, Empire 88 now has this little girl.

They could and certainly might just kill her, but it's possible that Allfather (or maybe Kaisar?) has a much crueler idea: Take little Amelia and indoctrinate her as a Nazi. Allfather's two kids had triggered, so E88 is well aware of second gen triggers and all, so she could also be a useful or powerful parahuman for the Empire later too.

If Iron Rain wasn't killed by Marquis, then it's just a great way to get one last dig in on Marquis - raise his daughter as a minion of his Empire. If Iron Rain was killed by Marquis, well, eye for an eye, a daughter for a daughter doesn't have to mean killing the daughter... can just mean having a new daughter.

Eventually Amy would be pretty successfully indoctrinated, one assumes, and by the time she's a teenager and triggers (could do some alternate power for Shaper, could just give her the same powers) she's a believer in E88's ideals. Ideally, since I'm a fan of Amy and would want to see a story where she eventually breaks away from them, she would eventually have cracks in her beliefs (including the whole 'shit, I'm gay' thing, with a different flavor of self-loathing) and the arc of the fic would involve her leaving E88 and unlearning her racist baggage.

Amy isn't blonde haired blued eyed/etc (not that that has stopped IRL brunettes/etc from being Nazis or Neo Nazis) so that's going to be an issue too but presumably not insurmountable. What her personality would be like - beyond racist - is hard to say. Probably still introverted, and I think we'd have a lot of the same second guessing herself that she has in canon pre-Birdcage, but beyond that, you could take it various ways. Maybe a certain degree of overcompensation because she feels a need to prove herself (I'd imagine whoever raises her in E88, she'd be getting a lot of pressure to be 'worthy' of being a member of E88)

Possible further plot thread ideas:

Sibling relationship (genuine, not one messed up with incest crushes) between Theo and Amy, if Kaisar takes Amy in himself.

Public rivalry with Glory Girl (or whatever Vicky's cape name is in this AU)

Due to comedy of errors type events, she ends up being kidnapped by the Undersiders briefly, or something like that. Being at the Bank (or a similar circumstance) during a robbery could be funny because E88 might not want to get involved publicly or risk outing Amy, and Amy has to keep her powers under wraps too, unmasked (whatever they are)

Various scenes of hating herself for being 'a disgusting dyke' when she notices a female cape being attractive mid-fight or something.

Tattletale exploiting the above (played mostly for laughs)

I do love shipping in my fics, so there are possible ship ideas this fic could have: Taylor/Amy is a classic, Vicky/Amy could be possible (depending on how it was done), but of course, any shipping would really need to wait until after she's made sufficient progress breaking away from E88.

[marinette-buginette]

Thanks @blueleopard555 for the tag. I'm too introverted to tag anyone though and I'm sorry lol

Words are Flirting, Kindness, and Debate

These are all Sokkla cause it's all I've been writing for a few months now lmao. No Sokkla Saturdays or Duty Bound Spoilers though, it's from my other pile of WIPs. Took forever to find something fitting because I am a very incoherent writer and I also only do editing and grammar at the end lol

Flirting

WIP Title: Foreign Affairs (AKA the Republic City Council Oneshot)(My definition of flirting might be... questionable)

"Do you want me to kill him for you?"

Sokka took a sharp breath trying his best to keep his composure. 

"Don’t say it like that, you alluring tempest." he growled as he rolled them over, pinning her hands above her head. "You’re making it very hard for me to say no."

“Now what could even suggest I want you to say no?“ her legs wrapped around his waist, pressing him down towards her. 

Sokka simply smirked against her neck. “There's just so much diplomatic immunity can do for you. Quite sure murder isn't covered.”

Kindness

WIP Title: Comedy of Errors (not sure if this fits the prompt without the larger context but I wanted to share, this oneshot consumed me for the past 48h hours lol)

She might as well have been a life-sized statute, the way she stood frozen in place unblinking. Sokka lingered for a moment where he stood, feeling Zuko’s scorching glare on the back of his neck. He still had no clue why Azula pulled the stint she did but he had a feeling it wasn’t just a prank. And after all well… the show must go on. He broke into a sprint down the hallway, pulling her up into a hug and spinning her around. 

Azula looked nothing short of shocked, her golden eyes wide with confusion at his actions. If anything, that was an indication there was something else going on here besides a simple prank. Something that actually worried her, even if just a bit. Sokka made sure to block her from Zuko’s view as he mouthed Play along.

“Hello, my darling wife.” he said, cupping her face, and ensuring his words echoed in the hallway. “I missed you so much.”

Debate

WIP Title: Foreign Affairs (I swear it makes sense for this to be 2 times in here, this oneshot will be at least 10k words and I'm actually quite convinced it might be 15k in the end)

"And here I thought we were heralders of the law."

"Oh, we are." Azula said with a smirk. "We are unveiling corruption after all."

"By breaking into the Earth Kingdom embassy and stealing their documents?"

"Oh come on now" Azula extended two fingers forward, igniting a small blade of blue fire. "Don't you miss this? The thrill of danger? The pump of your blood ahead of a fight?"

Sokka sighed. "An inch in my palms every time I look at my weapons, yes."

"Perfect then." 

Sokka caught her wrist. She didn't frown, just waited. 

“Leaving marks of fire bending infiltration will create problems. “ he said pulling out one of his metallic pet projects from his belt. “I'll pick the lock. “

Under the mask, Azula grinned. 

[comfymoth]

Okay, having q!Quackity still around the island while ElQ is doing his thing is so funny oh my god. All the newer members would be so goddamn confused. It's the gag where people don't know that the person they're talking to is a twin. One twin is a not so secret Federation worker who definitely doesn't have malicious plans and the other is just a guy who has no idea what's going on and why people are accusing him of things he never did while he was playing with his pet corgi. Both are trying to break up Cellbit and Roier and maybe date one or both of them.

SEEE THIS IS MY VISION!!!! elquackity walks into a room through a door on the left. talks to bagi for a bit, walks out the door on the right. quackity walks in from the left two seconds later. has the same conversation with bagi, walks out on the left. elquackity walks back in from the right with a followup question. bagi’s neck is going to snap from going back and forth so much and not a one of them has any clue what’s going on.

what i’m saying is i want minecraft comedy of errors. pretty much.

[theboywithburninghands]

Hey all. Last chapter of the latest Bunnyrabbitdoll arc... thing. Longest thing I've written by far. Light on the fluff, heavy on the horror and dark comedy. Hope you enjoy. T/W: Gore, body horror, guns, arachnophobia The Dollhouse Final Part: Kill All Monsters

Caine and Bubble are relaxing on a digital beach, both of them sporting sunglasses and matching towels. Caine is still in his full ringmaster outfit and Bubble can’t actually lay down, so he hovers an inch or two above his towel. Layla sits on their picnic basket, playing some beach music. Caine sips from an empty coconut shell through a crazy straw. Caine: BOY, THIS IS THE LIFE, ISN’T IT BUBBLE?

Bubble: I feel like a million deer, Caine! *eats a seashell*

Caine: A GUY COULD GET USED TO A LITTLE R&R! Bubble: Reading and writing? Caine: OH HO HO NO, YOU ABSOLUTE SIMPLETON! REST AND RELAXATION! IT’S HARD TO COME BY RUNNING A DIGITAL CIRCUS EVERY DAY FOR [error: not found: value] YEARS! THAT’S WHY I LET SOME OF MY SELF-REGULATING AI RUN ADVENTURES NOW AND THEN!

Bubble: You mean like me? 

Caine: RIGHT! WE’RE ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY HERE, AND FAMILIES WORK TOGETHER! AND RELAX TOGETHER! 

Bubble looked around. They were the only ones on the beach for miles. 

Bubble: Hmm… Do you think the performers are okay?

Caine: I’D BET YOU A COMBO MEAL AT SPUDSY’S THAT THEY’RE HAVING THE TIME OF THEIR NON-ABSTRACTED LIVES RIGHT NOW! 

Bubble: Good enough for me, boss! *he pulls a sun mirror from Hammerspace and flips it open, setting it in front of him* Ahhhhhhhhhh…

Caine: WORKING ON YOUR TAN THERE, BUBBLE?

Bubble: Heating myself up! It’s fun to feel myself boil!

Caine: *laughs* Oh, you crack me up. 

—

Back in Crazy Caine’s House of Tricks, Pomni paced back and forth, tapping the hatchet she found on her palm. Ragatha sat in the corner, near Jax, but with enough distance between them so his stench isn’t unbearable. Jax himself drifts in and out of consciousness, delirious.

Jax: Hey… Hey Pompom. Pompoooom. 

Pomni: *sighs* What?

Jax: Wh-What is the scariest tree in the forest..?

Pomni: What? What kind of question-

Jax: Bam-BOO! *makes jazz hands and laughs so hard he coughs, followed by a groan of pain*

Pomni rolled her eyes and continued to pace. Ragatha gave a small, polite laugh at Jax’s terrible joke. Pomni: Where are the others..? They have to be in their own puzzle rooms, right? 

Ragatha: All three of us got one. Well, you skipped yours. Maybe we should try doing what you did and climb up the slide?

Jax: My foot hurts…

Ragatha: I know Jax, we’ll get it fixed soon, okay hun?

Pomni: We can’t. The doors locked behind us… *she jiggles the handle of the door Jax fled through to demonstrate*

Ragatha: You tried chopping it down with your ax?

Jax: Heeeere’s POMNI! *laughs himself into coughing again*

Pomni: I could try… but these seem pretty sturdy. I might break it. 

Ragatha: It’s worth a shot. Beats sitting in the dark and twiddling our thumbs. 

Pomni: I guess… Should I just… pick one?

Jax: Not my door… It’s still in there. 

Ragatha: Why don’t you do mine? You already killed that monster… 

Pomni: Okay. Pomni stood in front of Ragatha’s door, taking a deep breath and flexing her arms. She then readied her hatchet. 

Pomni: …Here we go. Pomni took a mighty swing at the door. With a brittle crunch, the wooden handle broke off, leaving the hatchet-head buried a few inches into the door for a moment before falling out and clanging to the floor. Jax burst into laughter for a third time. 

Ragatha: Oh no…

Pomni looked at the broken handle for a moment before balling her fists and hurling it against the wall, where it ricocheted and skittered across the floor. 

Ragatha: Pomni, I’m sorry. That was a terrible idea… 

Pomni: No-! No, it really wasn’t. It was a good idea, it just… didn’t work. 

Ragatha covered her face, Pomni ceasing her pacing and going over to her.

Pomni: Ragatha, I’m sorry, it really was a good idea, I didn’t mean to… 

Ragatha: No, it’s okay. It’s okay, I just… It’s horrible here, yeah, but it’s never this horrible… something has to be wrong… 

Pomni: What do you mean?

Ragatha: I mean… you saw what was after me… you saw what that monster did to Jax-

Jax appeared to be entertaining himself by seeing how many fingers he could stick through the wound in his foot. 

Ragatha: It’s not supposed to be like this… it’s bad but it’s not… not… 

Pomni: Not?

Ragatha: Not Rated M…

Pomni: Who cares? We’re alive. And when we get out of this place we can tell Caine exactly how we feel…

Ragatha: …I guess I’ve just gotten used to a specific kind of horror… 

Pomni hugged the ragdoll, who gratefully squeezed her back. It was a lot easier to hug her girlfriend with so many other anxieties tuning out her haphephobia. 

Pomni: We’ll get out of here. It’s just another stupid adventure, right? 

Jax: Hey… where’s my hug?

Pomni: You’ll get one after you’ve had a bath.

Jax: I won’t. You just think I’m ugly…

Pomni: No, I think you stink. Big difference.

Jax: …My foot really hurts. 

One of the doors flew open with a crash and Zooble stumbled out of it, clutching what appeared to be a double-barreled shotgun. 

Zooble: I SAID GET BACK, YOU UGLY SON OF A B!#€#! GET AWAY FROM ME!

Zooble snapped their shotgun closed just as a clawed, skinless humanoid hand the size of a car wrapped its fingers around the doorframe. A head, skin so tight around its face it more resembled a skull, crammed its way into the doorframe. It had eyes like pools of fog and a long, serpentine tongue, grinning hatefully

Zooble: Yeah. Keep smiling. 

Zooble aimed their gun at the creature and fired. The kickback from the weapon sent their torso and arms flying, their head twirling about in the air before landing on the floor and their legs blindly stumbling about. Luckily, they were dead-on with their shot and hit the ghoul creature square in the forehead, fog gushing out of the wound as it clamped its bony hand over it. Zooble’s arms and torso, sitting several feet away from their head, aimed the shotgun once again, using their claw as a mount, and fired. The kickback from this blast blew Zooble’s right arm off their body, but the buckshot found its mark in the ghoul’s jaw, severing it neatly from the rest of the skull, so that it swung back and forth like the pendulum of a clock. It shrieked and gushed a torrent of fog from its maw that appeared to freeze the ground below it, shoving its way back into the doorway, the door slamming shut and locking behind it. 

Zooble: F@&$in’ @$$#@!€… their right arm crawls its way back to their body, abandoning the empty gun on the floor. The right arm reaches their torso and their left reattaches it. Then, Zooble’s headless and legless torso pushes itself up so it balances on its hand and claw and ambles its way to their head. They put their head back on and rest a moment.

Jax: *points* Gun.

Zooble twisted their head around before relaxing at the sight of their fellow performers. 

Zooble: Sweet J£$&$, it’s just you guys… gimme a second. 

Zooble grabbed their wandering legs and hoisted themselves up onto them, twitching each foot to ensure proper connection before taking a few careful steps towards Pomni and the others. They stopped, cringing and covering where their nose might have been with their claw.

Zooble: God, it stinks in here… 

Pomni: Sorry. It’s Jax. His monster pretty much had him in Its mouth… 

Zooble: Ugh… *keeping their claw up* So… you three made it out. And you all ran into monsters too? 

Pomni: I sort of skipped mine by climbing back up the slide and forcing the trapdoor open… I had a weapon too, but it just broke. *she picks up the head of the hatchet*

Zooble: Really? D@##, that gun only had two shells. I looked all over that stupid lodge for supplies… 

Jax: Hodgepodge in a lodge… hee hee.

Zooble: What’s with him?

Ragatha: He got bitten by his monster too. I think it might have had something on Its teeth, ‘cause he’s been acting like that for a while. 

Jax: *watching his own hand move* My hands make after-hands.

Pomni: Are you alright though, Zooble? Ragatha was just telling me-

Zooble: Oh yeah, dandy. Peachy keen. Nothing like nearly getting frozen by a giant ice wraith to put a little skip in your step.

Ragatha: You were better than I was. Pomni had to kill my monster for me.

Zooble: …Pomni? Really?

Pomni: You don’t need to sound so shocked. 

Zooble: I mean, no offense, newbie, but you don’t give off “killer” energy. 

Jax: It’s because she loves her! 

Pomni blushed hot pink and Ragatha rather brusquely cleared her throat.

Ragatha: He’s uh, not in his right mind. I just got lucky that Pomni stumbled into my escape room… 

Zooble: So that leaves Gangle and Kinger unaccounted for. 

Ragatha: Right… 

Pomni: They have to be inside one of the doors we haven’t used yet. And since they can really hurt us, they might be in big trouble.

Zooble: So what do we do? 

Pomni: Well, there’s seven doors. One for each of us, and one that must lead out of here, or deeper into this place, God forbid…

Jax: That one. It’s different…

Jax pointed to a door on the opposite wall from where he was sitting. It was the only door on that wall, and it appeared to have three small, colored lights on it, no brighter than those on a Christmas tree. Pomni, Ragatha and Zooble all approached the door. There were six lightbulbs, two vertical rows of three, on a small panel. A fuschia, periwinkle and red light were illuminated, while the other three were dark. A small bronze plaque above the lights was barely readable in the soft red-violet glow. 

Pomni: “Should you give in to your pain,

In this house, you will remain.

‘Tis only after fear is slain

That you can go home again.”

Zooble pointed to each of the illuminated lights. 

Zooble: Pink for me, purple for Jax, red for Ragatha. 

Ragatha: So the other three are Kinger, Gangle-

Pomni: And me. I have to do mine…

Ragatha: But you skipped it… How are you going to get back in there, all the doors are locked… 

Pomni: Let’s worry about that in a bit. Gangle and Kinger haven’t beaten their rooms yet.

Ragatha: But the doors are locked.

Pomni: Doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. 

Pomni picked up the empty shotgun and the blade of the broken hatchet. 

Pomni: See if any of the doors open for you. If they don’t, and they probably won’t, try to smash the handles off with the butt of this. *she hands Ragatha the gun* I don’t see a deadbolt, so it must just be a lock on the handle…

Zooble: What if you’re wrong? What if we get stuck in here? 

Pomni: Then I’m wrong, and we’re stuck. But we tried.

Pomni jiggled the handle on one of the doors they hadn’t tried yet. To no one’s surprise, it was locked, so she took the axehead and began to smash it down on the handle. Ragatha set to work on another one of the doors, testing the handle and then starting the process of bashing it off with the shotgun. Jax covered his ears at the sudden noise. 

What felt like ages of continuous bashing finally ended when Ragatha and Zooble succeeded in knocking off their door’s handle, with it clanging to the floor in several bent and twisted pieces. Ragatha pulled on the hole where the handle once was and the door opened with a crunch. 

Ragatha: Yes!

Zooble: I’ll be d@##ed. 

Pomni: Oh, good work guys! *puts down the axehead, panting with exertion* Okay, let’s go in and help…

Ragatha: Wait, what about Jax- oh.

Jax snorted in his sleep, kicking his uninjured foot and slumping a little further down the wall.

Pomni: Looks like he’ll be okay for a little while. *she smiles* I’m glad he could get at least a little rest… 

Zooble: You know, this is pretty much what he acts like even when he isn’t tripping on monster venom… 

The three of them chortled, but it died down quickly. They had work to do. Ragatha opened the door and they slipped inside, Zooble carrying the empty gun just in case.

They exited into what appeared to be a forest, the door attached to a brick wall, the only man made structure in the vicinity. It slammed shut behind them. The ivy-snared trees stretched high out of view, the suffocating canopy of leaves blocking just about all natural light. The grass was overgrown and clumpy, so tall that Pomni had to push it out of the way to keep it from getting in her mouth. Crickets and other insects chirred, and the entire area had the dense smell of wet moss. 

Zooble: Hmm. *they hold up their hand and claw, calling out* HEY GANGLE?! KINGER?! YOU OUT THERE?

In the distance, there was another shout. Too high pitched and delicate to be the echo of Zooble’s voice. 

Ragatha: Gangle! 

The three of them took off into the woods. Pomni could hardly see an inch in front of her due to the tall, knotted grass, and her foot soon snagged on a root and she fell forward.

Pomni: OOF! 

The jester swore to herself and began to pick herself up off the ground, only to squeak when a pair of hands wrapped about her midsection and hoisted her into the air. She was seated down on a pair of plush shoulders, a tangle of red curls and a purple bow between her legs.

Ragatha: *smiling up at her* Watch your head, okay? 

Ragatha continued running, Pomni leaning onto her head for support. The jester felt her face warm up despite the cool air rushing by her cheeks. This was much better… She had no idea Ragatha was that strong.

The group continued onward, following Gangle’s cries, until they came onto a clearing between two mighty trees. Strung between them was a spider web, woven with thick yet gossamer threads to be about the size of a California king bed. In the middle hung Gangle, her body a mess of knots and her lips quavering. She gasped upon seeing the three of them.

Gangle: Guys! You made it… please get me down, I don’t know when she’s coming back…

Zooble: Okay, hold still. Pomni, you’re the tallest right now, break the threads. 

Zooble handed Pomni the gun, and she stuck the barrels of it up towards one of the threads holding Gangle in place.

Gangle: Th-That thing isn’t loaded is it?!

Ragatha: Gangle, we wouldn’t do that to you- ow my neck.

Pomni: Sorry Ragatha… 

The canopy above them whispered ever so slightly, a few dead leaves drifting down upon them. Gangle looked up as best she could and gasped.

Gangle: She’s coming, please get me down, guys, please! 

Pomni hit one of the silk threads with the barrel of the gun, and it stuck fast. Pomni yanked on the stock of the weapon, but the threads stretched taut like bungee cords. A 12-foot long spindly black leg emerged from the treeline above them with slow, surgical precision, testing its grip on one of the parallel tree trunks before settling it down. 

Zooble: That’s a big-@$$ spider… 

Pushing through the leaves and branches emerged an arachnid, jet black and the size of a rhinoceros. A cluster of eight, milky white fish egg eyes sat on her almost disproportionately small head. Her pincers clicked together greedily as she climbed on eight light and nimble feet down to the web.

Gangle: Help me! Help me, please, help me! 

Ragatha: Pomni, get the gun unstuck!

Pomni: I’m really trying! It’s like steel wire!

Pomni was on her feet by this point, balancing on Ragatha’s shoulders and pulling on the shotgun as hard as she could. Her gloves slipped and she was sent flying backwards off of Ragatha’s shoulders, who had to rapidly spin her arms for balance. The shotgun remained stuck to the web, the spider advancing past it towards Gangle, frothy drool dribbling onto her mask. 

Gangle: NO! GO AWAY! 

Ragatha: Hold on Gangle! I’m coming! 

Ragatha, using her height to her advantage, crouched and jumped up, grabbing onto the shotgun with one hand. Her legs pinwheeled in the air. The enormous spider was jostled about as she prepared to sink her fangs into Gangle, stumbling and turning her ghostly eyes towards Ragatha. 

Pomni: *just now climbing to her feet# Ragatha wait, don’t get stuck! 

Ragatha: I’m not gonna get stuck, I-

The rag doll lifted up her other arm to grasp the shotgun, pulling the trigger by mistake. Instead of the expected click of the hammer striking an empty chamber, there was a deafening bang and a muzzle flash the size of a manhole cover. The gun fired, catapulting Ragatha back onto the grass and sending buckshot directly into the spider’s face, breaking a few threads of her web.

The arachnid’s head burst like a rotten melon, chunky, bright white slurry pouring from the stump that was left behind. Her legs twitched a few times before she tumbled off and hit the overgrown forest floor, her legs curling up. Stone dead.

Gangle: YOU SAID IT WASN’T LOADED!

Zooble: IT WASN’T LOADED! 

Gangle: *practically sobbing# YOU ALMOST SHOT ME!!!

Zooble: IT. WASN’T. LOADED! It’s a double-barreled shotgun! What, did another shell just APPEAR in the barrel?!

Pomni snapped the gun open after a few tries as Ragatha worked on getting Gangle down from the web. A spent shell casing, smoking hot, dropped onto the grass, along with a live one. 

Pomni: I guess it did just appear in the barrel… *puts the live round back into the gun and snaps it closed*

The gunshot had ripped through a few of the threads in the spider’s web, making it much easier to pull Gangle free now that a lot of the tautness was gone. Ragatha only had to reach up on her tiptoes to grab Gangle by one of her ribbons and yank her free. The pile of ribbons fell into Ragatha’s arms and promptly burst into tears, full-on spouts of water erupting from the eyeholes of her mask.

Zooble: Ah… Gangle, I’m sorry, we really didn’t know it was loaded…

Ragatha: Zooble used both shots on their own monster, we never reloaded it… it must replenish ammo on its own…

Gangle sniffled and sobbed a few more times before managing to calm herself down enough to speak. 

Gangle: I-I believe you… I was just… it was so scary… I was stuck up there for ages waiting for her to come back, I screamed and I screamed for help and I thought it was never gonna come… 

Pomni: …All of us are scared, Gangle. But once we find Kinger and I complete my challenge, it’ll be over.

Gangle: *wet sniffle* Challenge..?

Pomni: Yeah. All of us completed a puzzle room like this… well, I actually sort of skipped mine. Long story. Let’s just go back to the nexus…

Zooble: The what?

Pomni: The room with all the doors. It’s called a nexus I think. 

Ragatha: Very Metroidvania of you, Pomni. *she smiles, then looks down at Gangle, still a pile in her arms# Can you walk, Gangle?

Gangle: Um… I don’t know… 

Ragatha: Don’t sweat it. I’ll carry you to the nexus. You’re pretty light.

Gangle: …Thank you. 

The four of them walked back to the door. The chilly air and ambience of the forest was nearly soothing on the group’s inflamed nerves. Pomni pushed her way through the tall grass; it was manageable when she didn’t need to run full tilt, but a part of her wished she was back on Ragatha’s shoulders. 

Zooble: Let’s hope Jax hasn’t wandered off. 

Gangle: Jax is with you guys..? Is he okay?

Ragatha: He’s- Well… he’s hurt, but okay. He got bitten by his monster and we think it may have been venomous or something, because he’s acting really loopy.

Zooble: It’s kind of entertaining.

They reached the solitary brick wall. Zooble reached out to open the door, but someone pulled it open from the other side.

Zooble: Kinger..!

The eldest member of the group stood on the other side of the door, trembling more than usual. In his left hand he held a meat cleaver, stained with something blue. Flecks of the same blue substance stained his face, gloves and robe. 

Kinger: Glad to know you…

The four of them cautiously slipped by Kinger back into the Nexus. They were soon hit by the putrid smell of rotten corn and winced. Jax was exactly where they left him, sleeping like a rock. 

Gangle: It smells really bad in here…

Pomni: I know, it’s Jax… he got it probably the worst out of all of us. *she leans the shotgun against the wall# B-But what happened to you, Kinger? You killed your monster?

Kinger: Monster..? 

Pomni: Uh, yeah, in your escape room…?

Kinger: I… I remember books… 

Ragatha: Books? *she sets Gangle down*

Kinger: Books and- and black candles- and cheesecake… *puts his hands to the side of his head*

Zooble: Okay, okay Kinger. Sounds like you had a rough go of things… Just gonna… 

Zooble took the cleaver from Kinger’s hand with no resistance. 

Kinger: I need my pillows…

Ragatha: We’re going to get you your pillows as soon as we get out of here, okay? You saved us a whole lot of time by finishing your puzzle on your own.

Gangle: Hey…

Ragatha: No, I didn’t mean it lik-

Pomni tuned out the conversation to stare at one of the doors. It seemed to be drawing her towards it… almost whispering to her. 

Pomni: *Points to it* That’s my door. It was made for me.

Everyone stopped and looked at the door with Pomni. Jax blearily opened his eyes, curiously tilting his head at what everyone was looking at. 

Ragatha: Well… with all six of us, it shouldn’t be that hard to finish, right?

Zooble: More like five, since Jax is… indisposed.

Jax: Who are you calling in this clothes?! These are MY clothes!

Pomni went and picked up the shotgun, double checking the shells. One spent, one live. One shot. She sighed and snapped it closed. 

Pomni: Let’s get this over with… Zooble, you can probably use the cleaver to- HUUUUUAAAAAAHHHHH!

Pomni felt herself yanked backwards with enough force to give her whiplash. She rocketed towards her door, which swung itself open to swallow her up.

Ragatha: POMNI-!

Even if Ragatha had perfect timing, she couldn’t have caught up to her girlfriend in time. By the time she had taken three steps, the jester was across the threshold and the door slammed shut with a teeth-chattering bang, locking itself. 

——

Pomni awoke in darkness. Her head swam, and her upset equilibrium couldn’t tell if she was sitting up or hanging upside down. She felt around in the dark, her gloved hand grasping the shotgun laying beside her. So she was right side up, good start.

There was a clunk somewhere and she was blinded, covering her eyes with the back of her hand. A tinny buzz signaled that she was under some lights. She felt her pupils constrict painfully as she squinted at her surroundings. 

It was an office. An almost perfect imitation of symmetrical, focus-grouped blandness. The cheap carpet beneath her was an inoffensive green, the walls sterile, corporate white, and the drop ceiling above her lit with fluorescent, brain-itching lights. A few posters showing nonsensical cartoons sparsely decorated the walls. One had a man throwing a fish back into the lake he just caught it from with “Keep on The On Keeping On” overlaid over the sky in impact font, another showing an orange house cat looking up curiously at a T-Rex, with the quote “If at First You Don’t Succeed, Bite Off Your Tongue and Change Your Name to Xerxes” on the bottom, attributed to Buster Keaton.

There was a large table set up between the two rows of cubicles, empty bowls that may have contained chips or punch sitting on them, with a few cheap pink party hats and paper plates littering the floor. It wasn’t at all clear what the party was celebrating, the only clue being a lone greeting card laying on the table. Pomni brought along the shotgun and picked up the card. It was totally blank on the front apart from some words written in silver. 

Pomni: “To our new Employee.” *she flips it open* 

“The time for riddles has since passed,

For you are the very last.

We present to you a terror pure

That, by yourself, you must endure.”

One of the tiles on the drop ceiling was knocked loose, falling onto a desk and snapping in two. An arm emerged from the hole in the ceiling, a long, purple arm with a bright yellow glove on the end.

Pomni: Jax?

Another arm emerged from the ceiling, this one soft and plush, a hand with three fingers…

Voice: Pom… niiiiii…

Pomni: Oh my god…

A head emerged from the dark, or rather, two heads. Jax and Ragatha’s heads, squished together cheek-to-cheek and sloppily melted into one another like plastic. Their eyes were blank and staring, the middle eye fused together with Jax’s yellow sclera bleeding into Ragatha’s white, their mouth a single, grotesque combination of Jax’s yellow teeth and Ragatha’s sweet painted smile. Their entire body below the chest was a mass of squirming black flesh and multicolored eyes, exactly the same as Kaufmo’s was. Abstracted.

Creature: Pom…niiii….

It fell from the drop ceiling onto the floor, out of sight behind the cubicles. Pomni, her hands quaking, aimed at the cubicles with the shotgun, doing her best to look down the ironsights without dropping it. She only had one shot…

The creature rounded the corner slowly, dragging its combined weight on just its hands. The black abstracted goo stuck to the floor behind it and left a nauseating snail-trail. The creature mewled in agony.

Creature: Pom… ni…. It hurts… 

Pomni: …

The creature leapt forward and grabbed the barrel of the gun, pushing it out of the way and grabbing onto Pomni’s leg. A disgusting, earthworm-like tongue shot out of its mouth and wrapped around her leg as it whined piteously.

Creature: Pom… niiii… why didn’t you… save us… please… make it stop….

Pomni: Okay.

Pomni pressed the muzzle of the gun to the creature’s dual foreheads, and it barely had time to look confused before Pomni pulled the trigger and blasted off the top of its head. There was a squidgy explosion of black abstraction goo that rained down on the cheap green floors and into the food bowls. The amalgamated creature, the top of its head now a fine oily paste, slid to the ground off of Pomni’s leg. Pomni stepped back, looking up at the ceiling.

Pomni: …You wanted me to run, right? You wanted me to run away. I… I think I’m done with that. There’s no point in running, right? Because there’s no escape. Running only makes things worse, delays the inevitable. Well. Mission accomplished, I guess. You scared me. But I killed your little monster. So… I’d like to get back to my nightmare now.

She dropped the gun on the floor and opened the exit door, closing it behind her politely.

——

Back on the digital beach, Caine and Bubble were still relaxing. A rift opened up a few feet away and the six performers tumbled out onto the sand. 

Jax: Caine! Bubble! My guuuuuuuys- *makes finger guns at them as he flops onto his back, starting to make a sand angel*

Caine: GADZOOKS! YOU ALL MADE IT OUT OF THERE! CONGRATULATIONS ON DEFEATING THE FIRST EVER PROCEDURALLY GENERATED ADVENTURE!

Caine snapped his fingers and the six of them were immediately clean. The hole in Jax’s foot knit closed and he sat up, blinking.

Jax: What the- Wh… where am I? Oh, man, why do I smell so bad… *covers his mouth and where his nose would be#

Layla hopped with joy and went over to Kinger, who caught her in his hands and pet her.

Kinger: Layla! So good to see you…

Pomni: Hold on. Procedurally generated?

Caine: THAT’S RIGHT, POMNI! USING OUR CLASSIFIED DEFINITELY LEGAL TECHNOLOGY, MY NEW AI PROBED YOUR BRAINS TO-

Pomni: You… left us in that h€!!hole… didn’t even bother to check on us… nearly let us die… and you didn’t even make it yourself. You spent… ALL OF TODAY just sitting on a BEACH?! 

Caine: …………Well, everyone deserves a break now and then-

With a howl of Barbarian rage, Pomni grabbed the meat cleaver from Zooble’s claw and took a swing at Caine.

Caine: WOAH! HEY NOW, TAKE IT EASY-

Pomni: I’M GONNA STAB YOU TO DEATH AND PLAY IN YOUR BLOOD!

Caine: I DON’T HAVE ANY BLOOD- *ducks another swipe* HEY, WAIT-

Pomni continued to chase Caine around the beach with the knife, the ringmaster pitifully trying to calm the madwoman down. The performers watched the chaos with some gratification. Bubble slid them a bucket of seashells.

Bubble: You guys want one? 

Everyone: No.

Bubble: More for me! *he downs the entire bucket in one go*

Caine: WATCH THE COAT! WATCH THE COAT-

[sarah-kings]

For some reason, i'm thinking of a g/t hallmark movie

This is a quite interesting idea!

From what I have gathered Hallmark movies are movies from an American TV channel (please do correct me if I'm wrong, I didn't grow up with American TV) and they seem to publish romance, family and comedy movies and by the looks of it an abundance of Christmas movies.

I'm usually not one to seek out romance movies since I almost always predict the ending and ruin the fun for everyone around me but I could definitely see a romance movie working out greatly for G/t, seeing as the entire G/t community tends to write fluff and as there is a huge gap in G/t media such as movies.

I don't personally tend to write G/t mainly focused on romance - it's mostly focused on fantasy, sci-fi and horror, but if I had to create a movie it would most likely be something like this:

One time, as a bit of a joke, I've created this comic following a woman who is struggling to date someone in a world where G/t is something you can encounter on a daily basis, seeing as there are people of varying height and sizes. An aspect I constantly heard about dating was "I won't date someone who's below 6ft", so I thought "why not crank that up and apply it to rediculous G/t heights?"

Another comic followed not too long after, this one, in which Jane tries to go on another date, hoping to find a significant other who isn't lying about their height like Kyle from the first comic, only to end up with David- a giant himbo who gets everything mixed up terribly and accidentally did a writing error while writing his height down.

My idea for a G/t Hallmark movie would be to follow somebody like Jane with her struggles of dating in a G/t world, eventually dropping her ideals that her significant other must be around her height and learning to embrace David's big, goofy heart despite her serious demeanor.

G/t shenanigans could ensue, such as David trying to introduce Jane to his parents, the introduction going along the lines of:

David: mum, I want you to meet somebody. Her name's Jane, she's this amazing woman I've met and she's -

His mum: I hope she is a giant like us, David

David: *awkward pause* *gently pushes Jane back down into his chest pocket* hahaha, JUP, definitely! Hey, just one second, mum

*disappears into the bathroom*

Jane: you didn't TELL HER that I'm human sized?!

David: I'm sorry, I forgot!

Jane: How do you FORGET something like that?!

Complications could follow afterwards, David and Jane are on the edge of breaking up because of their family either not agreeing to them to be together or because the size difference is simply too much, both of them being convinced they are too small or too big to fit into the other's world, yet neither of them want to be apart.

Of course, as romantic movies always go it would most likely end with a happy ending for the two of them, showing the struggles they went through to achieve happiness and showing how they both are part of each other's world, despite the size difference.

Thank you very much for leaving this thought here, @seasonschange32, I very much enjoyed writing my thoughts on this down and hope you enjoyed my reply just as much.

I am by far not the most skilled writer when it comes to romance, I'm sure of that, so if anyone would like to take inspiration from this I'd love to see what you do with this, so please tag me if you do!

[aylinaliens]

what bl do you recommend for someone who never manages to watch more than three episodes of the bl series out there, doesn't like super cheesy romance so the thai white-shirted boys don't work, doesn't want too much hot and heavy stuff so kinnporsche doesn't work, doesn't want pointless second hand embarrassment, doesn't want sexuality discovery, doesn't want women constantly trying to break the couple, wants to laugh a little but doesn't want a comedy, a bl for someone very picky who just wants to have a good time honestly. i've tried a lot of bls but all of them seem like the same thing over and over. i'm almost hopeless in finding a bl to watch and i'm asking because the way i see it you're quite the expert on the area

Hello anon!! I feel your pain :( I was in like a year slump when it came to BL because everything seemed to mesh together. It can feel hopeless but you just have to find that “one” to pull you in. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes a lot of trial and error. I went through and complied a list of BL that hopefully you haven’t tried seen before. But definitely try to experiment with BL from different countries because each country has different “niches.” I really hope one of these works for you though <3

He’s Coming to Me (8ep x 75min || Youtube)

In this short supernatura Thai romance BL, a young man (Thun, played by Ohm Pawat), tries to help a kind ghost (Mes, played by Singto Prachaya) figure out the mystery behind his death. As they work on unraveling secrets, discovering betrayal, and navigating life (slash the afterlife), Mes and Thun fall in love. If you like your BL to be heartwarming & wholesome (but not too sweet it’ll give you cavities) with a dose of angst give HCTM a try. *HCTM is still one of the most underrated BL out there. It does have a tad bit of sexuality discovery but it’s handled in a very nuance and beautiful way.

History 2: Right or Wrong (8ep x 25min || Viki)

One of the more underappreciated additions to the HIStory series, History 2: Right or Wrong gives us a BL about a divorced single father and a college student. It has found family, age gap (done in a healthy manner), and wonderfully fleshed-out characters. If you like a more mature romance that isn't heavy on the Kinnporsche-level steamy skinship, domestic fluff that actually has a plot, and characters actually going through character development I highly rec History 2: Right or Wrong.

GAYA SA PELIKULA/Like in the Movies (8ep x 30min || Youtube)

Gaya Sa Pelikula came out during the Great Wave of 2020 PINOY BLs and it still holds its stop as my #1 BL during that year. I know you want to avoid sexuality discovery but I still had to include this for the simple fact that it's top-notch. Gaya Sa Pelikua is about Karl and Vlad, two different people from two different walks of life who ends up living as housemates for awhile. Karl is suffocating under the pressure of his family while Vlad is getting over a breakup. They intially don’t get along but as time goes by they help each other actually live rather than just going through the motion. If you like your BL to be packed with emotion and to actually discuss LGBTQ+ issues in a frank manner please go watch this. I know you dislike coming out stories but Gaya Sa Pelikula is one of the best of the best of the BL genre because it’s so much more than that. 

Not Me (14ep x 45min || Youtube)

White and Black (both played by Gun Atthaphan) has a close connection but are seperated when they are children: one stays with their mother in Thailand while the other moves to Russia with their father. Years later, White returns to Thailand after Black is viciously attacked and sent into a coma. Since his brother hung around with a ‘sketchy’ gang, he decides to pretend to be his brother to find out what truly happens. This is a BL that is not solely focused on romance (although the romance that is shown is wonderful). It’s groundbreaking because it’s not just a silly college BL: it discusses real issues that are happening in Thailand today such as corruption, inequality, politics, etc. If you like your BL to have complex/layered characters & plots, give Not Me a try.

Ghost Host, Ghost House (8ep x 57min || Youtube)

This recent Thai BL is about Kevin, a live-streamer who is passionate about ghost hunting. He ends up moving in with some relatives who end up being ghosts (irony) and meets Pluem. Neither of the protags are ghost but this does dish into trauma and grief. However, it’s not super angsty or anything like that because the natural chemistry between the characters is solid. This is more of a character driven BL but that’s what makes it so good. We get to learn about all the characters and connect to them, which makes it painful when you have to say goodbye (but don’t fear, again, the two protags are alive). If you like your BL to be a bit eerie and heartwarming at the same time give Ghost Host, Ghost House a try!!

Triage (13ep x 44min || AIS Play)

In this time loop romance BL, Tinn is a doctor who, one day, finds himself repeating the same day over and over. Since he fails at saving one of his patients, Tol, the only way to stop the time loop is to actually save him. Mature BL that doesn’t focus on high school kids or set in college are honestly the way to go. The plots are meaty and just because the characters are older that doesn’t mean that super steamy skinship is required. I just started this yesterday so I’m not finished but so far I highly recommend it. Again, if you like BL that isn’t solely focused on romance please give Triage a try!!

3 Will Be Free (10ep x 50min || Youtube)

3wbf is not really a BL but it’s going on the list because it’s criminally underrated. Without giving away too much of the plot, 3wbf essentially gives us a canon poly relationship between a stripper, the son of a mafia boss, and a gogo bar manager. It gives us a trans character who is not played for laughs and has a legit powerful plotline complete with romance. Everything about 3wbf is top tier. From the acting to the plot to the characters to the cinematography.

Blueming (11ep x 14min || IQIYI)

Blueming is a well loved BL for a reason: it’s amazing. Despite being short, it manages to tell a coherent and interestig story. It’s not just a silly romance, it’s intimate and talks about heavy things like insecurities...yet the audience does not get weighed down with angst. If you like more nuanced or quiet BL that focuses on characters are indiviuals themselves, their family relations, and their relationship as a couple do give Blueming a try!

To My Star 1 & 2 (9ep x 15min || Viki)

Two polar opposites: a famous actor who is going through a rough patch meets and falls for a young chef, end up falling in love. This has a second season which I didn’t watch yet but I still heard good things about it. If you like the cohabitation trope and want to see two wonder characters blossom as individuals go check this out!

Old Fashion Cupcake (5ep x 25min || Viki)

Once again, BL that focuses on adults in the workplace are top tier. Old Fashion Cupcake follows 39-year old Nozue who is just going through the same motions in life. He ends up falling in love with his subordinate at work who is ten years his junior. Old Fashion Cupcake feels like being wrapped in a big blanket as you munch on your favorite comfort food. It’s soft and lovely and genuinely amazing. The way these characters build each other up. If you like realistic BL and character driven stuff, give this short JBL a try!

Cherry Magic (12ep x 24min || IrozukuSubs)

I won’t lie to you, Cherry Magic is mostly fluff but I had to include it. In case you have yet to give this a try, please do. The premise is bonkers: Adachi is a 30 year old virigin who gains the ability to read minds when people touch him. He ends up finding out that his coworker, Kurosawa has been pining for him for years. Do you like your BL to have respectful, wonderful, and relatable characters? Do you like to occasionally turn off your brain and watch something that is silly but full of heart? Cherry Magic proves that sometimes you don’t need an elaborate plot to be interesting. You just need sweet characters and an even sweeter romance. *Cherry Magic also has a few specials + film out!!*

Here are some other BL I recommend but do let me know if there are any other certain genres you like/dislike! This is not my full list, just the ones that avoid the things you dislike. ** are the ones that are some of my top favorites

I Told Sunset About You

Bad Buddy**

Mr. Unlucky Has No Choice but to Kiss

Semantic Error

Light on Me**

Manner of Death**

Papa & Daddy**

Vice Versa**

My Tooth Your Love

A Tale of A Thousand Stars**

You Make Me Dance

Be Loved in the House: I Do

We Best Love: No. 1 For You

History 2: Crossing the Line**

Utsukushii Kare

Something in My Room

Dear Doctor I’m Coming for Your Soul

Given

Long Time No See

Fukou-kun wa Kiss Suru Shikanai

Where Your Eyes Linger

Amerio Paradox** 

The New Employee** 

Choco Milk Shake**

HIS**

Kinou Nani Tabeta? (What Did You Eat for Dinner Yesterday)**

[unohanabbygirl]

Greetings…as the anon who first posed the possibility of Viserys escaping and finding Luke and Osferth, I raise myself one more member of the found family gang: Daeron. So stay with me: during the war Tessarion dies: either the canon way or for a more angsty direction there’s a major confrontation between Daeron and Aemond once Daeron learns what Aemond has done and surprise surprise Aemond can’t control Vhagar who utterly just tears Tessarion’s throat out. Daeron can’t handle being in Westeros even after a pardon and he decides to go into self exile across the sea where he meets Luke, Osferth, and Viserys. Maybe Daeron saves Osferth from some bullying or perhaps he helps Viserys out of a jam. Either way, neither party knows the others’ true story. I feel like this would be such a great au not just because Daeron being a great guy and helping Luke take care of Osferth would be sweet, but I think having them both speak of the death of their dragons using coded language would just bring them extremely close. Also? It would be a total comedy of errors because ever since Luke’s own isolation he’s had to learn what being a peasant is like from a very specific upbringing that a minuscule percentage of the world also experienced. Him finding Daeron and them both being like “this is the way it’s supposed to be, right?” to each other and then agreeing while everyone around them is like nope that’s not the way to clean boots. Or the two of them not realizing how they move the world is totally weird, but they can’t recognize that it’s weird because they see it as normal in each other. Just a couple of regular dudes who don’t know how to haggle falling in love. Only one day Daeron and Luke see the shadow of Vhagar across the clouds and both decide it would be safer for the other if they just left because both think Aemond is hunting them. Cue another comedic error in which they way they decide to leave the other is just by not coming back to their shared cottage at the same exact time: both think they are the abandoner and feel so much guilt…until they reunite. “I left you, don’t you hate me?” They say at the exact same time. Let’s give Luke a break and give him an easy man to love and be loved by

This is so sweet 🥹 turning such tragedy into a slightly angsty yet humor filled rom-com is beautiful. I love the idea of Daeron somehow finding his way into the city of Tyrosh and stumbling upon a small market filled with humble commoners just trying to make their living while their children play along the shore. Helping out one brown haired child out of many that’s being picked on by some others for reasons Daeron can’t understand until he actually gets a chance to see the little boys cheeks which are marked by dragon scale. And it’s right then and there that something just clicks that this is deeper than what it seems. One thing leads to another and the boy introduces himself as Osferth before dragging Daeron to the fish stands to meet his Muña and qȳbor, only to see the boy who bares a strong resemblance to the long dead boy in the portrait his half-sister has hung up in Dragonstone’s main hall standing right alongside his second presumed dead nephew. A family reunion for the ages!

Once we get past all the shock and confusion and fear and overprotectiveness, Daeron somehow manages to convince Luke that he comes in peace and by pure coincidence after leaving Westeros as Tesserion’s death was just too much to continue living there. Something that melts Luke’s heart immediately as losing Arrax has forever left a dent in his heart and the pain in his uncles eyes is far too real to be faked. Luckily for Daeron he’s a beta therefore welcomed in their little city within the city.

For some reason I can’t help but feel Luke and Daeron are much worse at being normal than Viserys is. Maybe’s it’s because they’re older but being able to successfully wash clothes and cook without burning pots is nearly impossible (Luke’s been there the longest and he can still barely boil water. Little Osferth has gotten used to the taste of extremely well done beef since weaning off the teat)

But now they’re there to validate each other’s fuck ups along the way. Daeron is skinning a chicken in the worst way possible and now all the good bits have been torn to shreds and the bird basically died for no reason at this point? Well he did a better job than Luke ever could. All the clothes Luke stitches are either way too tight or nothing aligns well leaving a short and long sleeved mess of a Jerkin? Well it’s wearable in Daeron’s opinion at least. Always there to validate the fact that they’re doing great when in fact they def aren’t. It comes to a point where the only person who’ll try Daeron’s bad cooking until he improves is Luke and Daeron will happily wear every piece of Frankenstein’d clothing Luke makes. And they for sure didn’t get ripped off for paying 5 sliver shillings when going out into the main city to buy a single pound of lamb.

Them reuniting even though they tried to run away for the others benefits but failing because they basically have the same mind? Omg this gives me butterflies.

It’s actually funny because Daeron and Luke’s dynamic is so sweet right off the jump whereas Lucemond need a good five to seven arcs of pure pain to get there LMAO.

[h0n3yk1tt3n]

5 22 27?

5. What techniques do you use to create believable dialogue?

I don't know who said not to include stuttering in their dialogue because the simple fact of the matter is that humans trip over their words all the time. Especially when they're caught off guard or frustrated.

—Left 2 Chill // Chapter 26

Like I'm sure they meant "w-w-when a c-character talks l-like this" in casual situations (ie not shivering/overwhelmed) but doesn't have like, A "Real"(?) Stutter (ie Bill from IT), but like... humans say um, and like, and take pauses to think over their words, and say things like "how do I phrase this."

—Left 2 Chill // Chapter 4

We bail out on sentences partway through because we realize we wanna say something else.

Humans don't know how to talk!! Maybe they'll phrase something in a way that isn't technically grammatically correct, but feels smoother to say. ("Weird's not" instead of "weird isn't")

We elongate words

—What a Waste (of a Lovely Night)

We (sometimes) drop the g in -ing words. We speak in a series of small sentences instead of stringing them into one, either for emphasis or because we realize that we have more to say.

We interrupt ourselves to give further context

—Left 2 Chill // Chapter 4

Be serious. Do you actually say "wouldn't have" as two separate words in casual conversation, or do you slur it into "wouldn't've" because that's smoother than taking that slight pause between "wouldn't" and "have?" We'll more often say "dunno" or "wanna" instead of "don't know" or "want to," because we're lazy and just wanna (ha) get the words out. Unless we really want to emphasize that we "do not want to do this." Things like that ya know? Just like. Write the words as we actually say them and not how they're "meant" to be said.

22. What role does humor play in your writing? Do you enjoy adding comedic elements to your fics?

Sometimes it serves as a break from angst and tension so that things don't get stale. (See, the reason ppl think the original Teen Titans cartoon was more serious than it was was BECAUSE of all the comedy to make the more serious moments hit harder.) The first (non prologue) chapter of L2C starts very.. almost parody-ish? Where characters are very self aware of "wow zombie apocalypse, who would've thought" before suckerpunching you with character death in Chapter 3 to remind you that "yeah this isn't gonna be fun."

But without graffiti spread about locations and characters messing around with each other and contributing to The Human Condition, the dreariness and misery gets old and you need some kind of respite.

—Left 2 Chill // Chapter 26

Other times it's to show/strengthen the relationship between characters. This particular ✨️flashback✨️ also serves to emphasize that Jeremy 1. hasn't been the same since before Michael kicked it, and 2. really isn't trying to bond with his team in the way he did with Michael.

—Left 2 Chill // Chapter 26

With Jake in particular, a common catalyst for humor for me, it shows how he uses humor both to distract from the horrors that come with living in the apocalypse and to seek out approval from those around him. I mean, what better way to get someone to like you than to make them laugh?

—Left 2 Chill // Chapter 17

(Note: the braille remark was made by Jared, but like the drinking joke, the "error" of associating braille with Deaf people and drinking with pregnancy shows that the person making the joke that has to know that what they're saying isn't accurate or absolutely is not advice that should be followed. Jake isn't actually dumb. You have to know the correct answers on a test in order to get every single true/false question wrong. Hi spiderverse reference.)

So short answer. Love incorporating humor for a multitude of reasons.

27. What two (or more) fandoms would you like to see a crossover for? Would you ever write it?

I mean there are about a million different BMC/DEH crossovers under the sun, and I'm a firm believer in Heathers taking place on the same timeline (1989 vs. 2010s, putting Heathers teens in their 40s). And I've already made the L4D au that consumed my mind in the infancy of the pandemic, sooo...

I don't know!! I don't really know what other characters I want to have meet each other. (Sure the L2C crew didn't meet any Survivors from the source material, but they sure as hell met their specific brand of Infected.)

[chaiiitime]

I wanted to write a comedy of errors of sort with the Moroccan nt but I realised it’s very difficult to come up with a remotely good plot line. It’s not as funny as I wanted it to be but I’ve spent too much time on it to not post it, so here goes …

P.S ignore the plot holes

P.P.S if you’ve got an actual funny story idea drop me a little 💌

Part 1 | Part 2

~

"You lot are having a little get-together without me, huh?" Walid said as he walked past Nayef, giving him a pat on the shoulder.

"So, what are you guys up to?"

"Nothing." They all echoed a bit too quickly.

Walid seemed oblivious to the tense looks around the room. "Wladi, call room service and have them send up some tea," he said as he nudged Sofyan to make some room for him on the couch. "One last tea before we go, what do you say?"

~

“So, I told him …” Walid stopped to take a sip of his tea as the rest of them prayed that the end of the story was near.

Hakim felt Walid’s story was endless. He was getting anxious. He had lost count of the number of cups of karak chai Walid had drunk so far. It had been over an hour since he came, and he was showing no indication of leaving soon.

He shared a worried look with Yassine and Romain - time was getting away from them and they would be in deep trouble if they didn't make a move soon.

Yassine shifted closer to Bilal who had ended up standing next to him. "Pretend you're feeling sleepy," he whispered.

"What? Why?" Bilal whispered back.

"Fine, fine" He conceded at the look Yassine gave him.

"I think it's time for me to go to bed" Yassine cringed at the exaggerated yawn Bilal gave.

"Ah, would you look at the time!" Romain said, making a whole show of looking at his watch. "We should all go to bed if we want to be fresh and rested for the flight tomorrow."

Walid looked reluctant to leave, taking a long sip of his tea. "Well, then!" Walid said, slapping his knees like every typical dad as he got up.

“I should get to bed too. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. See you all bright and early for checkout!”

Everyone watched in tense silence as the door closed behind him, then they all broke into chaos.

"We need balaclavas to hide our face!"

"Where the hell are we getting balaclavas at this hour?!"

"This is not heist movie that we need balaclavas!"

"We can just break the cameras with stones!"

"Let's go, l'm ready to tackle some guards!"

"No Sofyan, you're not tackling anybody!"

"Stop it!" Romain shouted. "We just need to be logical about this."

"First, we need to narrow down the possible location of the trophy. That place is huge. We can't waste time trying to search for it everywhere"

"If what Bilal and Boufal said is accurate, the trophy was last seen just before we got on the bus." Yassine pursed his lips, "My guess is that it's still somewhere around there."

"If I remember correctly," Hakim scratched his chin thoughtfully, "the bus left through the west gate. So, the west side has to be our point of entry."

“Right then!” Romain clapped his hands, and gestured for all of them to huddle together as they usually did before a match.

"Bilal and Aboukhlal, you two stay here and cover for us if someone looks for us. Yassine, Youssef and Hakim, you'll be responsible for retrieving the trophy. Munir, Abdelhamid and Sofyan, you're covering their backs. You'll be responsible for neutralising any threat. Abde, Boufal and I will stay outside of the compound and be on the lookout." Romain instructed.”

“Understood?”

“Yes Capi!”

Then, they were on the move, all of them somehow fitting in the same lift, with Elias complaining all the way down for being squished into Sofyan’s pecs. They stumbled out into the warm night air and came to an abrupt stop.

Walid was standing just outside, looking rather unsurprised to see them.

“Aha! I knew it! I knew you were hiding something from me!” He snapped his fingers victoriously. “Tell me what’s going on.”

“Nn…nothing” they all stuttered.

“Bilal?” Walid fixed his I’m disappointed stare on him.

Bilal was only that strong, after all. He stumbled through the whole story, ending with their half-baked plan to retrieve the trophy.

Walid advanced on them, shaking his head in disappointment. They all held their breath as they waited for his angry outburst, which would be totally understandable. But they’d forgotten that Walid was Walid.

“I’m disappointed in you,” he said, looking at each one of them. “I thought I have earned enough of your trust for you to know that you can always come to me, whatever the problem is.”

“So let’s go!”

They all looked at him in surprise.

“What?! You don’t want to get the trophy back? It’s going to be light soon. We need to move!”

“Are you serious?” Hakim asked. They were idiots for not having gone to Coach in the first place. How could they have ever doubted that he wouldn’t do his absolute best to get them out of trouble?

“But wait … how are we getting there?” Yassine asked. They’d truly not considered the most important points.

"Yassine, my son, when I say to trust me, you need to trust me. Dir niya"

~

Some twenty minutes later, they were on their way.

Romain rather not question how Walid had procured a 7-seater in such a short amount of time. The man truly could work wonders no other person could. He just wished it was a bigger car because he had Sofyan sitting nearly in his lap.

Walid stopped the car a safe distance from the palace compound.

"Abde, you're in the driver's seat," Walid said, opening the driver's door. "Keep the car running. We need to be ready to drive away at any time."

"Bilal, you stay here and be on the lookout for any trouble. The rest of you follow me."

They left the car, walking as quietly as they possibly could. They shuffled along the wall hoping no one would notice them. At the corner, they all stopped, waiting for Walid to give the all-clear, then they quickly rounded the corner.

"There! That's the west gate!" Hakim whispered.

"See there," Yassine pointed to a spot a few meters ahead. "I think this is a blind spot. The nearest camera is pointed in the opposite direction. This is the perfect spot for us to jump the walls."

Walid turned around and gestured for everybody to come closer. "Yassine and Youssef, you two are the tallest so you need to help the others over the wall. Boufal, Nayef and I are staying here in case something goes wrong."

"Come on, my lions," Walid clasped Yassine and Youssef on the shoulder. "Get to work."

Yassine and Youssef crouched down, linking their hands together to create a sort of stepping stone. Up went Hakim, then Romain, Sofyan and Munir. Finally, Walid and Boufal helped Yassine and Youssef over.

Boufal grunted as he helped boost them up the wall. “These two really need to lay off the harissa.” He muttered as he bent at the waist to catch his breath.

Once over the wall, the boys assessed their options. Their bus had been parked on the far side across from where they currently were. To get there, they'd have to cross an open courtyard, which in their mind, seemed to be the most herculean task. They looked at one another in apprehension.

What if there was a sniper hidden somewhere, waiting to shoot them, one after the other as they attempt to cross the open space?

"We need to get to the other side without being seen." Romain fished his phone out of his pocket, fumbling to turn the flashlight on.

"Yeah, well" Hakim's voice was sarcastic. "We're not going very far with you waving that flashlight around."

"Fine, fine. I'm switching it off."

"I can see you rolling your eyes at me even in the dark"

"Guys, can we not?" Yassine cut them off. "We are definitely getting caught if you two keep on fighting."

Munir took a big breath and slowly let it out. "All right, guys," he said, cuffing his sleeves. "I guess we don't have any other options but to run very fast and very quick across that open space."

Romain nodded, agreeing with Munir. "Ok guys, on three" he said, lightly jumping on his feet as if he was warming up before a match.

"One ...

Two...”

And they were off. Romain cursed under his breath as the others jumped the start. He started after them, crouching low to avoid being detected. They reached the spot where the bus was parked, all of them looking around frantically.

"Look behind those pots there." Yassine whispered urgently.

Hakim bent down, peering behind one of the big ceramic pots that bordered the far wall. Was that a glint of something he saw? He reached out, his hand connecting with something metal. Hell yeah, this had turned out easier than they had thought. His hand curled around the base of the trophy as he carefully shimmied it out from behind.

“Found it!”

“Hell yeah man!” Sofyan high-fived him.

“Let’s get the hell out of here.”

They ran across the courtyard, high on the adrenaline of a successful mission. They felt almost invincible - after all, they were too good. No one would even know they had lost trophy.

They reached their point of entry. One after the other, Youssef and Yassine boosted the others up the wall.

Youssef crouched down as he tipped his head towards the wall. “Khoya, you go first.”

Yassine shook his head. “I’m the last line of defence. I don’t go anywhere until everybody is safe. You go first.”

Youssef was about to argue, which frankly they didn’t really have time for, when Yassine shushed him.

“Someone’s coming.” Shit shit shit. They hadn’t made it here so far for them to fail at the last minute.

“Quick, quick” Yassine almost tackled Youssef to the ground in his hurry to get him up the wall.

The voices were getting closer now. Youssef hung over the top of the wall, his hand extended towards Yassine as he silently urged him on. Yassine took a deep breath, moved back a few steps as he gathered enough speed to launch himself as high up the wall as he could.

Somehow, he managed to grab Youssef’s hand, scraping his elbow in the process. Sofyan appeared besides Youssef as he gestured for Yassine to grab his hand. Together, they pulled him over as fast as they could. Then, they were on the move again, rushing towards the car. They piled into the car, tripping over each other and not caring that they were nearly sitting on top of each other. Hakim had barely closed the door before Abde peeled away like a GTA gateway car.

For the first few minutes, they all stayed quiet, catching their breath as the enormity of what they’d just done dawned on them. Then, Walid turned around and smiled at them. They burst out laughing in relief.

Dir niya, indeed.

~

The next day, the PR head of the Moroccan National team was feeling exasperated but mostly confused.

The buses were lined outside. The hotel staff had gathered in the lobby for the farewell of the team. A healthy number of international press was waiting outside to capture the departure of the team from Qatar. They had a strict schedule of celebration to follow starting with the broadcast of the team’s arrival in Rabat and ending with dinner at the King’s palace, but yet, the players were nowhere to be seen.

“Coach Walid,” she marched towards him as he finally made an appearance. It was a bit surprising to see that he didn’t look as well put-together as he usually did. “We have been waiting for you and your team, sir. We’re running late.”

“I apologise, Miss Asma, but they are on their way down now.” It had taken Walid numerous calls to each of them before he managed to get them all out of bed.

“Here they are now.” Asma watched horrified as the lift doors opened and the players came out. They looked like they’d gotten dressed in their sleep. In fact, they looked like they were barely awake. It would take some heavy-duty concealer to hide those eye-bags they were all sporting.

Coach Walid looked at her and smiled sheepishly. “They’re just not morning people.”

[jojotichakorn]

kicking the hornet's nest by ranking your first bls based on how much they immediately make me trust your taste and opinions, in order from unwavering trust to irreversible mistrust:

never let me go (no need to explain - congratulations, you won the post 🎆 please reach out for your reward promptly)

only friends (you have impeccable taste and somehow came prepared for the world of bls despite starting with a bl that very much breaks almost all conventions of it)

3 will be free (i apologise on behalf of the bl industry that not everything slaps as hard as jojo tichakorn works)

manner of death (with the hopes that you aren't annoying about "how many university bls there are", it is a great first step into the world of bls)

history 3 trapped (i remember it being a huge wave that either passed people by or actually got them into bls, and i congratulate you on being a part of the latter category)

pit babe (first of all, congratulations on being born three seconds ago, child; second of all, based as hell - extra points if you watched it because of the "first live action omegaverse" post)

semantic error (oh, lover of romantic comedies, we are really in it now)

kieta hatsukoi (oh, lover of romantic comedies, we are really in it now, but in a slightly different font)

we best love, season one alone (what a solid start, good for you)

cherry magic (you probably only like jbls and point that out a lot, but oh well, it's a great series)

where your eyes linger (it probably set your expectations on a different axis to my beloved thai bls, but it's a solid series)

kinnporsche (you are fucking insane, but in a way that pleases me immensely)

guardian (struck gold before people even started mining for it)

the untamed (struck gold immediately but with a catch, so had to stick around and dig for explicit rep)

not me (that's fair, i'll take it)

the eclipse (of course firstkhaotung would trap you in here, of course they would)

until we meet again (actual solid series and i can see why it would get you into bls)

lovely writer (it's like there is more kao noppakao than in uwma, which is good, but then it's worse than uwma, which is of course bad)

color rush (perfect set up of expectations for bls, generally speaking)

a tale of 1000 stars (if earth pirapat got you into bls, it better be through this series and not [train passes])

theory of love (it was just ok enough to be a good reason to seek out more)

i told sunset about you (no yeah, it was good, but you are probably kind of annoying about that)

cutie pie (you're kind of bizarre, but hey, at least you were immediately primed for thai bl shenanigans)

love in the air (most bls probably Don't Do It for you, but it's not for valid reasons)

2gether (it was a big wave and it was not bad per say, but it was certainly not good by any stretch of the imagination)

love sick (salute to our veterans 🫡)

we best love, seasons one & two consecutively (you were instantly prepared for all the insanity bls can bring, but that's because you are insane, which isn't necessarily a good thing in this case)

love by chance (i hope for your sake it was not one of the background couples)

together with me (hey, maxtul are good, but girl was the series bad)

why r u (very much a neutral sort of situation)

moonlight chicken (i am sorry, you are impossible and unbearable to talk to /hj)

bad buddy (impatiently waiting for you to stop comparing everything to it)

sotus (<- this is me, i'm here with you, and i'm sorry)

2moons (i was trying to decide if it is worse than sotus and unfortunately i think it is)

puppy honey (we both have to admit you are out of your mind, sorry about that)

water boyy (i hope you are traumatised - not in a mean way, but just in the sense that everyone in their right mind who watched that should have been traumatised by it)

tharntype (there is an ancient curse placed upon you forever now)

addicted heroin (i am worried for you, please reach out to someone)

i think the first ever bl every person watched should be publicly available information about everyone in the fandom. cause that will tell me more about you than any personal information or eventual tier rankings ever could.

[tragcdysewn]

was that esther yu? oh no no, that was just xiao lanhua, a canon character from love between fairy and devil. they are one thousand years old, use she/they, and are aware that they are not actually from washington dc. too bad they can’t stray from this city for long.

how long has your character been here:

almost two years now

what is your character’s job:

they work at sophie's flower shop!

where has your character been pulled from in their fandom:

between the end of the show and the epilogue. she's defeated tai sui, but is still waiting for dongfang qingcang to return

has any magic affected your character:

she was missing memories for a bit, only remembering up to her own death, and then was unaware as a result of the murder spree in june of 2023, but now has their full memories

and any other information you might find useful for us and the other members to know:

xiao lanhua was born xi yun of the xilan tribe, a neutral tribe between shuiyuntian and cangyan sea. they were the goddess of xishan, and grew up for a short time under the care of her parents, who made sure she knew the responsibility and power bestowed on her to keep peace between the realms

unfortunately, lord ronghao of shuiyuntian needed the power she held to resurrect his master, and destroyed the entire xilan tribe in an attempt to get their help. xi yun's parents hid her away, transforming her into an orchid seed and sending it far away

the seed landed in shuiyuntian, near the home of the arbiter of fate, si ming. si ming planted the seed, and helped it to cultivate spiritual energy and eventually develop a human form. after some time, it did, and xi yun became the fairy xiao lanhua, with no memory of their past

she remained in arbiter hall, as si ming's apprentice, for the next thousand years, until they noticed the fate of the man they loved, changheng, the god of war, was meant to end that night. she snuck off to save him, despite knowing they shouldn't interfere in fate, and accidentally fell into the prison he was resealing

it was there she met dongfang qingcang, and unintentionally bound them together with the one heart curse, swapping their souls with an accidental kiss. they managed to switch back, and escape together before going their separate ways

they reunited when xiao lanhua was nearly killed, and he realized he would be injured if she was. he insisted they stay together for both their safety, and she hid him in their home. he imbued a bracelet with his power, to ensure they were protected even without him, and it activated in front of all of shuiyuntian, leading to her being interrogated about the escaped leader of the moon tribe

dongfang qingcang revealed himself and took them away to cangyan sea, keeping her there until he could figure out how to break the curse on them, unaware the emotions that he'd had removed as a child were returning thanks to that same curse, drawing them closer to each other

a comedy of errors ensues, including a trip to the mortal world that involved them playing both husband and wife and siblings, xiao lanhua marrying changheng side by side with dongfang qingcang marrying the god of war that defeated him, and area warlord being very upset that he does, in fact, have feelings

they both confess after barely escaping shuiyuntian soldiers, and return to cangyan sea, where xiao lanhua goes through trials to marry him and become the moon queen, as well as finally learning her true identity and trying to keep shuiyuntian from declaring war on cangyan sea

the war comes anyways, and dongfang qingcang also discovers xiao lanhua is cursed and will die if she doesn't remove the bracelet he made for them, which is bound to her because they love him. he tries to make them hate him, but fails, and she ends up killing herself to break the curse between them and save those who fell on the battlefield

he and changheng manage to resurrect her, but she comes back as xi yun, initially not remembering xiao lanhua at all. they agree to honor her engagement to changheng, even after her memories return, to defeat the evil god tai sui, even if it means her second death

dongfang qingcang tricks tai sui, locking him in his own body and ensuring he can be killed by normal means, so that xiao lanhua can survive defeating him. she does eventually kill tai sui, and dongfang qingcang with him, though she holds out hope that he can resurrect in the same way they did one day

after arriving in dc, she reunited with an unaware dongfang qingcang, and is stubbornly pushing him into remembering. they also befriended two fellow clowns, and they spur each other on in the best possible way

[hellmouth-manor]

i disappear amongst my kin | 2.1 | micah |

Think back.

There's a fleeting moment before anyone knows anything terrible is about to occur. You're in the garden with Wakako. She's probing you to see how online you are, which rapidly devolves into you getting made fun of for your ass. You leave the encounter befuddled. You think nothing more of it. 

You see her again, in the living room, now everyone knows everything terrible could potentially occur. She tells you that she's scared. That she's greedy for attention. She has more insight into you than you're comfortable with, to be honest, so you deflect. The concept of families are brought up. You make the offer, joking, that she can get adopted by yours since hers is so terrible. You leave the encounter less befuddled than the first, but, again. You think nothing more of it.

Close your eyes. Ignore the corpses in front of you. (You can't. This is just flimsy pretense.)

You're in the garden with Poppy. You lose a tooth or two to their fucked up pocket candies. Just a molar, it's okay. You think they're disappointed in you. You leave more confused than before. You don't understand them.

You're in the stupid tubes with Poppy. You get stuck, they knee you in the face, they break your nose. It's a comedy of errors. You're sure they're disappointed in you. You leave confused and now a bonus emotion, infuriated. You don't understand them.

You're in the Build-a-Bear with Poppy. They're cradling a ratty little plush wolf like it's the most important thing in the world, and you realise that you both have a lot more in common than you thought. You think you might understand them.

You knew Wakako was a bit of a shut-in these days. You thought nothing of it. If she hides, she won't get murdered. Makes sense to you. You understood that Poppy was gentle at times but dangerous even when they didn't mean to be. Nobody in their right mind would try to murder them, not when they could break your nose on accident. Makes sense to you.

...The scene in front of you, therefore, is completely mystifying. There is no way that you can possibly make heads or tails of it unless you come to one specific conclusion. 

But that conclusion can't be true. It can't. You don't understand it. So you think nothing more of it.

...

Micah reopens his eyes. He's in his suit in the trial and now it is his turn to speak. Simple. Easy.

"...A cyclamen. Nike said it was- a cyclamen, the flower. It means. Love, affection. Or goodbyes. There were- I suppose- Alou could be right. Maybe it was- an attempt at... witchcraft. The scene was... there was..."

Micah's normally monotone and he still is, but there's a bit of actual human emotion filtering in. More definite uncertainty rather than the ambiguity of his spaced out drawl. 

"...Poppy's... their... their hair was tied around their wrists, like a puppet. And they were curled around a... single... feather. Brown and, and white. I don't know... why either of those were there. Apart from... I don't... I don't... it's not... I don't see how either of those things have to do with murder..." 

You'd think the guy who's apparently a serial killer would, but he's not being helpful on this one. At least this time around he hasn't jumped straight to accusing someone of owning apes!