#just struggling with feeling excited about it

[girlgenius1111]

study buddy

solstråle engen ft. @wileys-russo 's fresa! sol struggles with school, and facing the threat of having to repeat the year, ingrid and mapi try to get her some study help. it doesn't go... exceptionally well.

—

It was more frustrating than anything. For years, you hadn’t really given school much thought, or put in very much effort. And then, suddenly, you’d been shipped off to Spain and everything was different. Everything changed again six months later, and suddenly, school felt like something that held a lot more weight.

You didn’t have many opportunities to make Ingrid and Mapi proud of you. Sure, they’d say they were proud of you when you asked for help while having a panic attack, or for setting some sort of boundary. That just didn’t feel… right. It didn’t feel like it was enough. They were bending over backwards, every day, to make you feel known and seen and loved, and the least you could do was show that they were helping you, right?

So, very suddenly, school was important. Grades were important. It seemed, though, that the years of not caring and not paying attention had taken their toll. Because you studied, and you actually tried but it wasn’t enough. Your grades were still… mediocre. Nothing to brag about. 

You worked harder, to no avail. You tried different methods of studying, you devoted hours and hours to your schoolwork, and… no improvement. So much of your work felt like it went way over your head. 

You had promised yourself you wouldn’t be upset when you handed Ingrid the test you’d gotten back. She had a busy week and she really didn’t need you breaking down over a stupid test, like you had earlier in the school bathroom. Your plan was to bypass your sister and her girlfriend, head straight to your room, and maybe slam the door. If you acted angry, they were more likely to give you space to calm down, which meant there was much less of a chance you’d get all pathetic and upset.  

Only, you’d forgotten that Ingrid had known you were getting the test back today, having seen you study and study and study for it. Your sister was sure that since you studied so much, it must be a good grade, and she had a magnet all ready to attach your exam to the fridge. 

The minute you walked into the house and saw her waiting in the kitchen, freshly showered from training, an expectant and excited look on her face, you shrunk in on yourself, very suddenly wanting a hug more than you wanted to cry silently into your pillow all alone.

“How’d you do?!” Ingrid asked excitedly, her smile only faltering when your lip began to wobble. “Solstråle?”

“I’m sorry.�� You choked out tugging the collar of your shirt up over your eyes before she could see you begin to cry. Ingrid’s arms were wrapping around you only a moment later, holding you tight against her as she floundered, confused as to what had upset you.

“Hey, it’s okay. Whatever happened, it’s alright. I’ve got you.” Ingrid promised, making eye contact over your head with Mapi, who had wandered into the kitchen and caught sight of you trembling against your sister. 

Ingrid thought something must have happened at school, and Mapi quickly came to the same conclusion. The thought that you’d done poorly on your test, and this was the reason behind your distress, never even crossed her mind. Ingrid had never known you to care much about your grades, and while you were trying harder now, she didn’t think something like a bad result could get you this upset. 

“I’m really sorry. I tried my best.” You whimpered, briefly wondering when you’d turned into this person who cried at the drop of a hat and allowed her sister to hug you whenever you were upset. It was so different. Everything was so different. 

“What are you sorry for?” She asked, heart melting a bit as Mapi walked closer and pressed a kiss to the top of your head, before perching on the counter. “Tell me, Sol, tell me what’s wrong.” 

Wordlessly, you withdrew from the comforting embrace of your sister and swung your bag off your shoulder. You unzipped it, pulling out the exam from the red folder Ingrid had neatly labeled for you. You handed it to her, eyes brimming with tears again at the sight of all the red marks all over the first page. 

Ingrid’s first instinct was to sigh, but you’d been with her long enough for her to know you’d just shut down. Not to mention that she knew how much work you’d been putting into this specific exam. Prepared to ask you what had gone wrong, she looked up to see that the tears had stopped. There wasn’t a hint of emotion on your face, like you were preparing yourself to be yelled at. Ingrid had no such plans.

“Oh, Sol. Kjære, come here.” She said instead, pulling you back into her. There was some hesitation on your part, but after a second you melted into the hug, knowing that if Ingrid was upset, she would have told you so by now. “You studied so hard, I’m sorry it didn’t go well.” 

“I’m sorry.” You said again, frowning when Ingrid pulled back and placed both her hands on your face, tilting your head up to look at her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You tried your best, that’s all I want from you.”

You shook your head, but didn’t say anything, instead opting to stare at your shoes. You hadn’t taken them off at the door, breaking one of Ingrid and Mapi’s rules. This additional mistake, regardless of how small it was, made you feel even worse. You couldn’t do anything right. 

A tattooed hand grabbed yours, and you looked up at Mapi. She had moved closer, holding the exam in one hand, her other gripping yours. 

“This is a passing grade, mi sol. Why are you so upset? It’s not like you to get so worked up over school.” Your face flushed, but before you could step away, Mapi’s grip tightened, as if she’d sensed you were about to run. “Come on, it’s us. You can tell us.” 

“I.. It’s not good enough.” You stammered, looking between your sister and her girlfriend with genuine despair written all across your face. “I wanted to do well. For both of you., I wanted you to be proud of me.” 

“Oh, Sol,” Ingrid sighed, exchanging a look with Mapi that only served to make you feel even more foolish. It had taken so much for you to admit why you were working so hard, and though you knew, logically, that Ingrid wasn’t trying to make you feel dumb, she had. 

You wrenched away from her, suddenly deciding that you didn't need her pity. Backing up until you hit the wall on the opposite side of the kitchen, you began to ramble. Unable to look either Ingrid or Mapi in the eye, you missed the sadness on their faces. “No, forget it. It’s fine. It’s really fine. It’s not a big deal, It’s my own fault, I’m too stupid to learn stuff my classmates already know-”

“Hey!” Mapi cut in, sounding uncharacteristically stern. “You are not stupid. Don’t ever say that again.” 

You froze, staring at her with your mouth agape. Ingrid took a cautious step closer, aware she was toeing a thin line between you breaking down again, and pushing you into anger. 

“You aren’t stupid.” Ingrid echoed. “You’re not stupid, and you know you aren’t. It’s just one exam, Sol, it doesn’t make or break anything.” 

At this, you averted your eyes, a blush creeping up your neck. This exam could be a determining factor in your educational career. Ingrid just didn’t really know that information yet. Like a bloodhound, though, Ingrid caught the scent of your secret, her eyebrows raising as she stared at you. 

“It doesn’t make or break anything, right?” 

It was a staring contest for a few moments, one you and Ingrid both knew she would win, yet you kept it going all the same. The silence became too intense, the gazes of your sister and her girlfriend breaking your resolve rather quickly. With a heavy sigh, you reached for your bag yet again and pulled out a slightly wrinkled envelope. 

Ingrid held her hand out expectantly, apprehension clear on her face. You handed her the envelope, eyes still training on the floor. 

“Solstråle. This is addressed to me.” Ingrid huffed, removing the letter from inside and beginning to read it. Mapi moved forward, peeking over her girlfriend’s shoulder, eyes quickly scanning over the letter. You braced yourself, prepared for the worst. 

The last time you’d brought home something like this… you’d ended up living in Spain. Which was potentially the best thing that could have happened, but you had a feeling the consequences of this letter wouldn’t work out as well. 

Your sister placed the paper down on the counter, raking her fingers through her hair as she thought for a moment. She wasn’t quite sure what to say. Part of her wanted to yell, but when was that ever the right choice? Before she could decide, María’s shoulder bumped into hers. Her girlfriend nodded in your direction, clearly trying to get Ingrid to see how terrified you were. 

And Ingrid couldn’t yell at you when you were like this, all sad and scared with your head bowed and your arms folded across your chest protectively. 

“Sol?” She said, her tone much quieter and kinder than you were expecting it to be. You looked up at her, shocked further to see that she didn’t look very angry. “Why didn’t you give this to me last week when they sent it?” 

Ingrid nodded towards the date on the letter, and you exhaled shakily. “I… I was hoping I could just try really hard for the rest of the year and do really well in all my classes and it would be fine.” 

Your sister nodded slowly, reading the letter over again. 

Mapi took the opportunity to chime in, her hand absentmindedly resting on your sister’s back, even as she fixed her warm gaze on you. “Nena, that is a lot for you to carry all by yourself. Having the threat of maybe needing to repeat the year hanging over your head… you should have told us.” 

You shrugged, blinking away the moisture pooling in your eyes at Mapi’s tone. “I didn’t want to disappoint you guys.” You mumbled. 

“You haven’t disappointed anyone!” Mapi exclaimed, frowning when you just scoffed in response. “I’m serious, Sol. We saw you study and study for this exam. You did your best, you’re doing your best. That’s all we can ask from you.” 

“My best isn’t good enough! I’m going to fail and have to repeat the year.” You cried, throwing your hands up in the air in exasperation. The mere thought of another year of school was horrifying. 

Ingrid finally put the letter down, a blazingly determined expression on her face. “No. You’re not going to fail anything. We’ll help you, we’ll reach out to your teachers, we’ll get you extra help. We’ll figure it out, Sol, but you’re not going to fail. Not if I have anything to say about it.” 

For anyone else, that may have sounded overbearing. For you, though, it just felt supportive. It felt like you weren’t dealing with this yourself anymore, and that was a relief you didn’t know you needed. 

“Okay.” You said quietly. “Thanks.” 

Luckily, your sister knew you well enough to understand that after such an intense conversation, you’d need some time to yourself to process. 

“Hey,” Ingrid said, catching your wrist and turning you around slightly before you could leave the room. “I’m already proud of you, and the person you are. You could fail every test for the rest of your life, and I’d still be proud of you. Okay?”

You blinked at her for a prolonged second, before you nodded jerkily. Turning to head up the stairs to your room, you changed your mind, spinning back around and falling into your sister. She hugged you tight, as she always did, and you wondered briefly how you got so lucky. 

—

It was the following day that Mapi and Ingrid proposed their plan. Before they’d even said anything, you knew a few things. 

One, that they were excited about whatever plan they’d cooked up that day at training. 

And two, that you weren’t really going to have a choice in the matter. 

As a general rule, Ingrid and Mapi didn’t make you do many things. If they thought something was important, they’d encourage you to try it a few times, and then they’d let you stop if you still didn’t like it. That was how it had been for the school’s climbing club, the school’s hiking club, and the school’s baking club. All those were activities you enjoyed, but… activities you enjoyed doing yourself.

Well, not always.You loved to climb and hike with Ingrid. Frido, too, sometimes. And you could bake for hours with Mapi helping, measuring out ingredients and getting baking flour everywhere. But doing any of the above with strangers who spoke in rapid, fluent Spanish or catalan, was not fun. It was anxiety inducing. 

You knew this was about to be another one of those ideas, the ones you had to give a fair shot. 

It was at dinner, and you were trying to hide the wince everytime you picked up your water glass with your right hand, your wrist intensely aching after the time you spent in the climbing gym after school. It always hurt when you climbed for too long, though it was getting worse with every passing day. Another problem for another day, you decided, seeing the barely contained glee on Mapi’s face as she cleared her throat. 

“What?” You said suspiciously, putting your fork down and narrowing your eyes at the Spaniard. 

Mapi opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, Ingrid chimed in. 

“Mapi’s made you a playdate!” She said, smirking when her girlfriend wacked her in the arm. 

“Ingrid, that is not going to help me convince her.” Mapi huffed, sitting back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. 

Still unamused, you continued to frown at Mapi. “I’d love it if you didn’t keep proposing ideas that you’d need to convince me of. Teaching you how to rock climb, trying to get that stain out of my favorite sweatshirt yourself, being the keeper while you practiced your free kicks, helping you build that bonfire–”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mapi dismissed. 

“You got stuck on the rock wall, my sweatshirt has a hole in it, the ball hit me so hard in the stomach I threw up, and both of us lost part of our eyebrows!” 

Mapi glared at you, while Ingrid hid her face behind her hand as her body shook with silent laughter. 

“Well this plan,” Mapi sighed, “is Ingrid AND Alexia approved.” 

That wiped the smile off your face. 

“Alexia? What does she have to do with this?” 

There were a few things you knew for certain about Mapi. One, she didn’t give up easily. Another, that she wanted more than anything for you to be friends with Alexia’s little sister. And from the sly smile on her face, you were almost sure you knew where this was headed. 

“I asked her to ask Fresa to tutor you!”

“No.” You said immediately. 

Mapi continued like you hadn’t spoken. “Fresa is a bit younger than you, but already finished your year! She’s studying to be a nurse, she’s very smart. Fres speaks English and she can help you with your Spanish and any other school things you need help with.” 

“No.” You repeated, looking helplessly at your sister. Ingrid looked to finally be taking the situation seriously, a familiar look on her face; one you knew meant that no matter how much you argued, she was going to get her way. Meanwhile, Mapi was still droning on. 

“–get along great with her! I think you guys have a lot in common, and it could be fun and educational!” 

“And you know all the best things are fun and educational.” Ingrid chimed in cheerily, this time her face telling you to go along with Mapi’s idea because she was excited about it, or else. 

“Educational.” You said sarcastically. “Super!” 

Still, you agreed, Mapi grinned at you, and Ingrid patted your back reassuringly. Mapi had a lot of bad ideas. You were pretty sure this would turn out to be the worst. 

—

You always spent more time at the climbing gym when things were rough. Back in Norway, you’d spend multiple hours a day, everyday, there. It was one of your tells; Ingrid always knew something was bothering you if you went to climb right after school. It was your way of shoving your emotions down before you could feel them, before your sister could read the hurt on your face and give you one of those tight hugs that brought tears to your eyes. 

Only, sometimes climbing didn’t do it. Sometimes, it felt like the walls were closing in, like you were about to suffocate, if you didn’t have some time completely by yourself to think. On those days, you really preferred to hike. You hadn’t felt that urge in a while; the urge to just disappear for hours, walk until your legs felt like they were going to fall up, and sit at the top of the trail until the world felt like a place you wanted to be in again. The last time had been back in Norway, after a day you didn’t even want to think about. 

Yet you found yourself in that same familiar mindset after your first study session with Fresa. 

It hadn’t gone well. You tried to go into it confident, sure that if you acted chill enough, she’d maybe miss that you had no idea what you were doing with your schoolwork. 

Confident, even as you arrived 15 minutes late. Scout had gotten his favorite toy, a small tiger that squeaked, stuck under the sofa, and it had taken you time you didn’t have to get it out for him. You could have left it, but Ingrid and Mapi weren’t home and you knew Scout would just sit by the couch and cry the whole time you were gone if you didn’t get his tiger out for him, and you couldn’t bear the thought of leaving him to be so upset. And then you’d had a hard time finding a parking space at the library, and the directions inside were all in Spanish and Fresa had texted you to follow the signs to the study rooms but you misread the sign and went to the opposite end of the library before figuring out your mistake. And you would have texted you were going to be late, because you hated being late, but your phone was dead and the cord from your car had gone missing. 

When you entered the room, Fresa already looked annoyed. 

Annoyed, with her hair pulled back into a ponytail, twirling a pen repeatedly in an almost unconscious manner. She looked very… put together. 

“Llegas tarde.” She commented, rolling her eyes when you didn’t reply. Your face flushed a bit as she must have picked up on your confusion, repeating herself in english. “You are late.” 

Any other time, you would have known what she said. Your issue wasn’t really understanding Spanish, it was more speaking and reading it. You felt weirdly flustered though today, like your brain was distracted and not quite able to follow what the other girl was saying. Anxious, too, at this social situation you’d been forced into. 

Briefly, you thought about explaining about Scout and the tiger and the parking space and the signs being in Spanish, but then you realized Fresa wouldn’t care about any of that. So instead, you just nodded and apologized, feeling your heart start to pound from the anxiety of the situation. 

You didn’t like talking to new people. Especially pretty new people who spoke a different language and were looking at you like you weren’t very smart. Even if you thought that yourself… you didn’t want anyone else to think so. Any intention of actually asking Fresa for help with the mountains of stuff you were confused with went out the window, then, and you almost subconsciously decided to just… try to get through without letting her know quite how lost you were. 

Fresa was alarmingly smart. She kept asking you questions about your work, about what you needed help with. Everything didn’t feel like an answer you wanted to give. Fresa seemed organized, though, and you assumed letting her take the lead and decide what to work on would placate her. Instead, she just looked more and more annoyed with every passing second.

 She kept asking questions about this paper and that paper and you didn’t know what papers she was talking about. You felt so stupid. More stupid than when you’d failed your test last week. 

“How do you even find the right paper in there?” Fresa asked, pulling a judgemental look as you rifled through your bag, searching for the article she was asking for.

Your bag was a mess, you knew it was a mess. You’d knocked your coffee over all your folders a few days ago, sitting at the counter when Scout barked and startled you. That was oddly upsetting in and of itself because Ingrid had gotten you the folders and labeled them for you and you felt like you’d destroyed something nice she’d done for you. You hadn’t told her, not wanting to hurt her feelings or anything, so now your school papers were living crinkled and disorganized in your bag.

And you were pretty sure the article Fresa was asking for had been a casualty of the coffee incident, because you’d scanned the paper and thought it wasn’t important before throwing it out. The Spanish had confused you, and you hadn’t realized you’d need the article for an assignment. Stupid. 

 You were feeling more and more embarrassed as the minutes passed. And, maybe, your reaction to feeling embarrassed was always anger. You pulled out a random piece of paper, slamming it down onto the table with more force than necessary in your haste to give the Spaniard something. 

Fresa instantly knew that what you’d given her wasn’t the right article, asking again if you had it as you shoved the other paper back into your bag. 

Logically, you knew you should just… admit you threw it away because you didn’t realize you needed it. For some reason, you just couldn’t get the words out of your mouth. You couldn’t get any words out of your mouth, feeling shockingly like crying. Nothing was going right and you were making yourself look like an idiot and all you could do was shrug as Fresa looked at you and took a deep breath. 

Then, she seemed to come to some kind of realization, her expression softening slightly. 

“Can you not read this? The spanish?” 

You flinched, feeling your face flush. Again, the reply of ‘no I can’t, would you please help me?’ seemed to evade you. Instead, you spewed some lie about being able to read the article, calling Fresa’s questions stupid and telling her she was wasting your time. 

Fresa seemed to have reached her breaking point, her voice rising as yours had. You didn’t really hear what she said, much too distracted by the way her eyebrows knitted together when she was frustrated, and the way her hand tightly gripped the pen she was holding. 

Then, she made an offensive impression of your shrugging. And if you hadn’t been angry before, you were absolutely fuming now. 

So what if you were quiet? It wasn’t like you really needed to talk much, considering how many questions she’d asked. You were furious at being called out for all your bullshit, feeling like a mess compared to the perfect girl next to you. A very angry mess who’d had a long day and was cursing one María León for making her do this and cursing the beautiful girl next to her for being so infuriating.  

“Alexia’s super little sister. Everyone says you are so smart. Can you not see I do not want your help? You want to be a doctor, no? So go find someone who does.” 

Fresa’s nostrils flared as she shoved her chair away from the table and got to her feet. She began angrily putting her stuff into her bag, and you remained completely still, unable to stop this whole meeting from going up in flames. 

“Eres un maldita idiota!” Fresa snapped, her face red with anger. 

There wasn’t really anything worse she could have said to you at that moment. 

“Snobbete kjerring.” You threw back, feeling a sharp spike of satisfaction when she zipped her bag angrily, completely incapable of understanding what you’d called her. 

“You know, I did this as a favor, tonta. I have worked all day, I came right here after my shift, on time. I have my own studies to do because yes, I want to be a nurse. I am smart, and I know what I want to do with my life. Maybe if you get your head out of your own ass, Engen, you might too! And you are right, this is a waste of time. My time!”

Fresa stomped out of the room, then, and you waited until she was out of sight before dropping your head into your hands with a deep sigh. 

That couldn’t have gone… any worse. And though it was probably all mostly your fault, you couldn’t help the resentment building for the intelligent, stuck up girl that had thrown insult after insult at you, hitting you in all the places it hurt. You packed your own stuff up once you were sure you wouldn’t run into Fresa again in the parking lot or something, shuffling dejectedly to your car.

The overthinking had begun. Was it really overthinking, you wondered, if you’d actually completely fucked up and the reasons for your anxiety were entirely reasonable? You weren’t sure, and you supposed it didn’t matter, your thoughts quickly spiraling as you rewinded the short meeting in your head. 

The shrugging had really gotten to her, but you weren’t sure what else to do. When in doubt, you had learned silence got you the best results. Often, no one really cared what you had to say anyway. Fresa was different, though, looking at you with her wide eyes, expecting an answer. It was intimidating. It scared you, honestly, how well the other girl seemed to see right through you. 

And maybe… maybe there were some other feelings brewing. Ones you didn’t want to consider. Feeling that didn’t even matter given the way Fresa had stormed out. It didn’t seem like there would be another study session.

This led you to your other problem. You’d fucked this up. Something your sister and Mapi had gone out of their way to set up for you, because they didn’t want you to have to repeat the year. 

You didn’t like to make mistakes. Every single one you made carried the risk that Ingrid would lose her patience with you, and give up. She hadn’t yet, and you’d messed up a fair amount in the past several months, but you couldn’t let yourself believe that no mistake could push her away. That just wasn’t a possibility. So, rather than face your failure, tell Ingrid and Mapi how awkward and weird you’d been, you ran. 

Or walked, you supposed. Your study session with Fresa had ended at 4:00, and it was almost 8 when you found yourself at the top of your favorite trail, legs scratched and aching, as the sun slipped below the horizon. Your phone was still dead and now Ingrid was absolutely going to kill you for going off the grid. 

You broke traffic laws on the way home, any peace you’d found at the top of the hiking trail entirely gone as anxiety began to build up inside of you again. 

Stepping into the house, you slipped off your muddy shoes, wincing at the blood trickling down the few cuts on your legs. Before you could even set your car keys down, though, footsteps were pounding down the hallway towards you. 

“Oh, thank god.” Ingrid gasped, sounding alarmingly emotional as she rushed forward and crushed you into a hug. “She’s here!” 

“Dios  mio.” Mapi muttered, appearing over your sister’s shoulder a moment later. Ingrid pulled away from you, her hands on your shoulders keeping you at arm's length. Her face quickly transformed from relieved to furious. 

“Where the hell have you been?” She hissed. 

“I–”

“Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been? You didn’t call, you didn’t text. You were supposed to be home hours ago, Sol. Your location wouldn’t show up on my phone, Fresa even said you ended your meeting early,” Ingrid ranted, though you began to tune her out at the sound of her name. 

“You talked to Fresa?” You interrupted, ignoring the incredulous look on Ingrid’s face, turning your attention towards Mapi who was staring stonily at you. 

“That doesn’t fucking matter right now. Where were you? Are you drunk? High? Were you fighting?” Ingrid demanded.

Each accusation felt like a bullet to the heart as Ingrid grabbed your chin and yanked it towards her, looking intently at your eyes. You shoved her away angrily; Ingrid wasn’t supposed to see you as that person anymore. She had promised that she didn’t, that she knew you weren’t a bad kid, that you had just been having a hard time. Now, though. She was looking at you like she didn’t trust a word that was about to come out of your mouth. 

“No.” You spat at her, grabbing your phone from your pocket and slamming it on the front hall table. “I went on a hike after I met Fresa and my phone died. I lost track of time. I wasn’t getting drunk or high and I wasn’t fighting anybody, but thanks for having some faith in me.” Your voice dripped with sarcasm, and even though you expected Ingrid to soften with a bit of guilt, she only seemed emboldened with anger. 

“Don’t you dare turn this around on me. You were supposed to be back four hours ago Solstråle. Four! This was so irresponsible. Do you not care that we were worried? Do you not care that we were here waiting for you? That Mapi made dinner, and you were going to work on her bike? Or that we were supposed to make cookies? After everything we’ve done for you, Solstråle, I expect more.” She was shouting at this point, pacing back and forth in front of you. 

You looked to Mapi, hoping for her to step in and talk her girlfriend down, but she looked almost as mad as Ingrid was, and you shrunk in on yourself.

“You are…. you are grounded. This is unacceptable, and you better never let it happen again. That is not how family behaves Solstråle. Did you think about how worried we would be? I am so upset with you, so disappointed that you didn’t think about anyone but yourself, that you were so selfish–”

“Alright, Ingrid. Enough.” Mapi cut in finally, stepping forward to grab her girlfriend's hand and squeeze it. You were frozen in front of your sister, fighting the sob that was building in your throat. 

Ingrid stepped back, her face still red with anger. A hint of regret flickered across her face at the sight of your lip trembling and the tears in your eyes. Still, you looked confused, and Ingrid couldn’t shove her anger down at your lack of understanding. She turned, stomping off towards the kitchen, leaving you and Mapi behind. 

“Sol-”

“I’m going to shower. Sorry, Mapi. I’m sorry.” You mumbled, pushing past her and heading up the stairs before the Spaniard could get out another word.  

Mapi sighed tiredly, rubbing her hand over her face. Her Engens were going to make her go grey. 

—

You had only just pulled some pajamas on after your shower when Mapi knocked, her gentle voice calling to you from the hall. 

“Yeah?” You called back, voice gravelly from all the sobbing you had done in the shower. 

Mapi entered, the first aid kit in her hands and a much calmer expression on her face. She was in her pajamas, too, clearly having been waiting up for you to get out of the shower. It had been a long one. Another thing to be sorry for, keeping Mapi awake. 

“Can I help with your legs?” She wondered, gesturing to the many cuts that littered them.

Shrugging noncommittally, you sunk down onto the edge of the bed, Mapi soon taking a seat opposite you. She pulled your calf up to rest across her lap, getting out the antiseptic spray and a few bandages. You purposefully looked away, barely having been able to get the blood off in the shower without getting light headed. 

“Are you okay, mi sol?” Mapi murmured, fanning her hands over the cuts so the spray would dry faster. Mapi had a way of looking at you, eyes crinkled with concern and kindness, that made you want to burst into tears. You fought that instinct. 

“I am fine.” 

Mapi sighed, unwrapping a few of the bandages and beginning to carefully put them on you. 

“Then someone else was crying in the shower while you were in there?” 

No reply came, and Mapi sighed again, tapping your leg to tell you she was done with that one. 

“Look, I know Ingrid was harsh, but you have to understand how worried she was. How worried we both were. I know you still remember the things you wrote in that letter all those months ago. Things like that don’t just go away, Sol, and when you disappear for hours without a word, we worry.” 

This time, Mapi got a shrug in reply, and a small sniffle. She finished up with your other leg, gently pushing it off her lap and pulling you into a soft hug. “It’s okay, Solstråle. Everything is fine now.” 

You scoffed through your tears. “Nothing is fine, Mapi. I screwed up with Fresa, I screwed up with Ingrid. They both probably hate me. Please, just go. I’m tired.” 

Mapi shook her head. “You’re upset, I just want to–”

“No Mapi, just leave me be.” You tried to sound firm, but your voice was shaking almost as much as your hands were, and you were sure you just came off as pathetic. 

“Alright, nena. I love you, hmm? Don’t be too hard on yourself.” 

You remained silent, flopping back onto your bed as Mapi walked out of the room. Scout hopped up on the bed in her absence, licking your cheek twice before curling into your side. 

It wasn’t being too hard on yourself; the self hatred you felt in that moment was completely justified. You were very sure of that. 

—

You were tucked into bed when the door creaked open again, Scout not even bothering to lift his head from where it was tucked into the comforter draped over your leg. You blinked your eyes open and they widened in surprise at the sight of Ingrid walking into the room, hair messy as though she’d been tossing and turning. She neared the edge of your bed, leaning down and kissing your forehead gently. 

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I don’t hate you, okay? I love you very much. Everything is going to be okay, so just try to get some rest.” 

You nodded weakly, impatiently pushing a tear off your cheek with the back of your hand. “I’m sorry, Ingrid. Really sorry.” 

“It’s alright. You’re safe, yes? And that’s all that really matters.” Ingrid promised, and you nodded, sniffling pathetically. “We can talk more tomorrow, but just go to sleep, okay? Everything is fine.” 

“Love you.” You mumbled, Ingrid smiling softly down at her. You didn’t often say that first, something Ingrid attributed to having said it to your Mamma and not heard it back so many times. 

“I love you.” Ingrid replied, patting your cheek twice before tucking the covers up tighter around you, and heading out of the room. 

—

You woke up to a few unexpected things the next morning. One, it was almost 11 and Scout hadn’t woken you up demanding a walk. In fact, Scout was nowhere to be found. Two, the sounds of Mapi’s Spanish soap and Ingrid’s clanging around the kitchen echoed through the house. You’d forgotten they had the day off today. Ingrid must have taken Scout out to let you sleep in. 

The first two unexpected things, then, were explainable. The third… was not. 

A text from Fresa. 

Tuesday at the library. If you want to give it another shot. I think I can help. 

You thought about the way you’d behaved, and the way Fresa had spoken to you. Before you could delete the thread with her and close your phone, though, you thought about the letter you’d hidden from your sister. The excited smile on Mapi’s face when you’d agreed to let Fresa tutor you. 

Before you quite knew what you were doing, you pulled the message back up, your fingers typing away without you telling them to.

Yeah. I’d appreciate that. What time? 

There was something that drew you to Fresa, even as she infuriated you. Maybe it was how her voice had softened when she’d asked if you couldn’t read the Spanish on the paper, or maybe it was how she’d smiled unconsciously, watching Alexia score a goal the past weekend. It was a nice smile. And she had a nice voice. 

None of it really made any sense to you, but you’d already sent the text. 

—

For some reason, you felt a bit awkward. There was something very odd about knowing Mapi had been upset with you, because normally that was just Ingrid. But you knew Mapi had been just as worried last night as Ingrid, and just as upset. She’d been in the garage all morning, too, and you wondered if she was avoiding you or allowing you to decide to come to her if you wanted to talk.

After the 5th time you glanced at the door to the garage, though, Ingrid rolled her eyes from where she was sitting at the other end of the couch, typing away on her computer. 

“Go talk to her. She’s not angry, I promise.” 

Ingrid wasn’t angry anymore, either. You’d spoken with her practically first thing when you’d woken up, apologizing again and again and emphasizing that you hadn’t really realized how your actions would have affected Ingrid until it was too late. 

You’d told her about a time back in Norway when you’d stayed out all night after a fight with your Mamma, and when you’d come home the next morning, she hadn’t even noticed that you’d been gone. Ingrid understood a bit more, then, and was quick to hug you tight and whisper that she forgave you.

And even though Mapi had come in last night and tried to make you feel better, you knew she might have been waiting to be upset until she knew for sure you were okay. That made you even more nervous. 

Ingrid snorted from behind you when you knocked on the door to the garage, as normally you just walked right in. You shot her a glare, stepping inside the garage at the sound of Mapi’s quiet come in. 

The defender didn’t glance up as you walked in, but you took a seat in the chair next to her. Your chair. 

It was quiet for a moment, the sounds of Mapi’s metal tool gently clanging against the bike. 

“What did Fresa say to you last night?” You blurted out, face flushing red because why was that the first thing out of your mouth. 

Mapi fixed you with a half amused look, shaking her head. “That is what you’re asking?” 

“No.” You sighed. “Are you mad at me?” 

“No.” Mapi echoed, going quiet for a moment as she thought. “Not mad. It’s just hard for me, Sol. Last night, you didn’t even think that we’d be worried about you and where you were. It just makes me a bit sad.”

“Oh.” 

“And it’s not your fault, nena. I just worry for you.” 

You nodded slowly. “I’m really sorry. I should have thought about how worried you guys would have been.”

Mapi gave you a half smile. “I know you are. And you won’t do it again sí?” 

Your head bobbed up and down rapidly as you agreed, more sure than you’d ever been that you’d not be doing something that stupid again. 

“Now. Why are you so concerned with what Fresa said to me, hmm? What did you do?"

—

[silverb0wties]

Lemonade - Part 5

leah williamson x alessia russo x child!reader

Summary: When something bad happens to your Mummy and Daddy, you end up living with your Aunty Lessi and Aunty Leah.  But is there room for you considering they have a new baby on the way?

Chapter Summary: the aftermath of your concussion

Warnings: pregnancy, self-harm, disordered eating, bullying

a/n: sorry if this chapter is a little bit dark in parts. if you're still reading the series, thanks so much for sticking with me. I appreciate it more than you know.

|| Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3 || Part 4 ||

PART 5

You woke up on a plastic bed in a room that smelled like the awful cream your Mummy would rub on her legs after Netball, surrounded by a million different kinds and colours of sellotape.

You could hear voices, and you looked over to the corner of the room to find your Aunty Leah consoling your Aunty Lessi as she cried.  She looked distraught, her eyes red and puffy with tears.

“I should have known it would overwhelm her.  I was just so excited to share this with her…”

“Babe, she’s going to be okay.  We’re still learning all this, yeah?”

“But we’re meant to protect her, and… and I- I…” Aunty Lessi choked on her words before Aunty Leah cut her off.

“And I should have had a tighter grip on her when I saw she was panicking.  Like I said, we’re both still learning how to do this.  The medics said she’s got a bit of a concussion, but she’ll be alright.  We know how concussions work, so we’ve just got to keep our eyes on her and make sure she gets lots and lots of rest.”

There was a quiet knock at the door, before an important looking lady with a clipboard came in.

“Less, sorry but we need to know if you’re going to play the second half or not?” she asked.

As your Aunties turned toward the door, they realised that you were awake.

“Oh Bunny, sweetie, you’re awake.  How are you feeling?” your Aunty Lessi rushed over to you, her hands coming down to gently cradle the sides of your head.

You looked up at her a bit stunned, rather confused about why you were where you were and why everyone seemed so upset.

“Does your head hurt?  Do you feel sick or dizzy at all?” she asked, her hand softly brushing through your hair.

You tried to think about if you felt sick or dizzy, but all you could really feel was a powerful throbbing rattling through your head.  You also felt really, really tired.  But you had just woken up, so that could perhaps explain that.  You don’t remember going to sleep though, which was starting to concern you.

“I feel okay,” you replied, trying to brush away your Aunty’s concern.

“Alessia, sorry, we need t-” the lady at the door began to ask again.

“I won’t be playing, sorry.  My family is more important right now,” Aunty Lessi told her.

“Less, you should go play.  I’ll stay with Bunny and make sure she’s-”

Your Aunty Lessi whipped around to face Aunty Leah. “No, Leah.  I’m not leaving her.  She’s hurt.   We’ll get a car to take us back to the training centre so we can go home early,” she insisted firmly.

Aunty Leah replied with a sad smile and a nod.  “I’ll go get our stuff packed up then, yeah?”

“I’m okay Aunty Lessi, you should play!” you tried to insist.

“No Bunny, there would be no point in me playing anyways.  I would be so distracted out there and worrying about you I would probably kick the ball into the wrong goal by mistake.”

By the time you finally got back home that night, your head was still pounding and you were struggling to stay awake.  You were trying your hardest to be big and brave and pretend like you were okay, but as soon as you stepped into bath, your whole façade fell apart.  As the warm water lapped at your tense muscles, which you now realised you’d been clenching in an effort to distract from the pain in your head, your resolve melted and you began to weep.

You brought your knees up to your chest and dropped your head forward, your hands entwining at the back of your head as your little body shook with each sob.  The tears and jagged breaths only intensified the pain in your head though, which in turn caused more tears and jagged breaths.  You tried your hardest to stay as quiet as possible, but you were aware that your cries were becoming increasingly vocal.

There was soon a soft knock at the door, followed by your Aunty Lessi’s voice.  Whilst making sure you still got clean and dressed, your Aunties had always tried to give you your privacy while bathing and dressing, which you appreciated.  They were your Aunties, but it still felt weird being undressed around people who weren’t your parents.

“Bunny?  Are you okay?” she called through the closed door.

“It hurts” you cried in response.

“What hurts honey?”

“Everything.  My head hurts most.”

“How about we give you some medicine to make it hurt less, yeah?”

“Okay.”

“And then we can get you to bed, and you can try and get some rest, alright?”

“Okay.”

There was a short pause.  You’d assumed your Aunty had gone away to get the medicine, but then you heard her voice again.

“Bun, you don’t always have to try and be big and brave y’know?  If you’re hurting, you can tell us.  Always.  I promise you won’t be in trouble or we won’t make fun of you or anything.  We just want you to feel okay.”

“Okay.”

You didn’t fully believe her.  You wanted to, but a part of you still believed that there was only so much love and affection to go around and you needed to space that out at least until Lemonade arrived.  You didn’t want to use it all up on this incident.

So you tried your hardest to push the pain down and away as you quickly washed yourself.  You managed to get yourself up and out of the bath and wrapped in a towel before there was a knock at the door again.

“You can come in,” you mumbled, making sure the towel was secured tightly under your arms.

Your Aunty Lessi entered with a little cup filled with pink medicine and a cup of water.  She kneeled down to your height as she offered it to you.

“Now it says strawberry flavoured on the bottle, so hopefully it won’t taste too bad.”

You gingerly took the cup and gulped the medicine down, wincing at the distinctly fake strawberry taste.  You quickly grabbed the cup of water from your Aunty’s other hand and skulled that down to wash away the lingering flavour.

“Good job, Bun.  Now let’s get you into your PJ’s and into bed, yeah?”

By the time you were under the covers, arms tightly wrapped around your beloved Arthur, the pain in your head had dulled to only a mild ache.

“Goodnight sweet girl” your Aunty Lessi whispered, kissing the top of your head.

“Night Aunty Lessi” you mumbled back.

It was the first time you slept through the night without waking up to a nightmare since the fire.

--

You woke up to the smell of Aunty Lessi’s lasagne wafting through the house.  However, as you opened your eyes and came to your senses, you immediately panicked. 

You were not in your own bed. 

You were in your Aunties bed.

You had no idea how you’d come to be in their bed.  The last thing you remembered you were lying on the floor in the loungeroom studying one of the books the Arsenal girls had given you about football.  You were trying to understand where all the different positions were on the pitch and what responsibilities each position had.  You had been figuring out the difference between a centre-back and a full-back when you had… fallen asleep.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Whilst it had been a few days now since your accident and you’d had a couple of days off school and your head no longer hurt, you were still feeling extra extra tired from your concussion.  You’d spent most of that day at school trying to hide your yawns from your teacher and classmates.  When you’d been given some free time after finishing one of your activities ahead of the rest of the class, the same group of students that always seemed to catch you at your weakest had caught you dozing off in the corner of the room where you’d been reading.  They’d tied your shoelaces together and were starting to draw on your arm when you woke up.  You hadn’t realised they’d also put rolled up pieces of paper in your hair braid until your Aunty Leah pointed them out when she picked you up.

You’d tried to brush it off and said it was just a game all the kids were playing with each other, but the concerned frown your Aunty gave you implied she didn’t quite believe your lie.

“You know you can tell us if there’s anything going wrong at school, yeah?  If anyone’s picking on you or calling you names or anything?”

You just nodded.  There was no way you would ever tell your Aunties what was really happening at school.  You would just deal with it like a big girl.  Push through.  Be brave.  They had bigger things to worry about than some kids putting paper in your hair and saying mean things.  Your Aunty Leah was growing a human AND mending her busted knee for heaven’s sake!  You could deal with some silly paper in your hair.

When you’d got back to the house, you went straight to your room to undo your braid and pluck all the little pieces of paper from your hair.  You’d counted them (23 in total) before scrunching them up and throwing them in the little wastepaper basket beside your desk. 

As the paper hit the basket, a tiny ball of raging heat began bubbling in your chest.  You didn’t know what to do with it or how to describe it, but it made you want to stomp your feet and hit a wall and scratch at your skin.  You’d never been the best at describing emotions, but you were pretty certain this wasn’t sadness.  Perhaps, this was anger? Frustration? Disappointment? 

The tiny ball continued to bubble and grow as you lunged for your bed where Arthur lay.  You attempted desperately to use your tried and tested method of rubbing his ear against your cheek to calm the feeling, and whilst it felt nice, it did nothing to soothe your need to stomp or hit or scratch.

You searched your room urgently for something else to ease the searing heat in your chest, even gulping down the remnants of a cup of water on your bedside table.  But nothing worked.  You needed to stomp or hit or scratch.  You knew couldn’t stomp your feet or hit a wall, because that would be loud, and your Aunty would hear and come ask what was wrong.  So, you decided to scratch. 

You had to pick somewhere not too visible so that if you left a mark, nobody would see and ask what happened.  So, you tugged up the hem of your school dress and pushed down your tights and began scratching at the skin at the top of your right thigh.

The relief was instant. 

The second your nails dug into your flesh, the little ball of heat in your chest began to cool.  You scratched and scratched, and scratched some more until it finally, finally disappeared.  By the time you eventually stopped, your skin was stinging, and your fingers were cramping.  But the little ball of heat was gone, and that was all that mattered.

There was a gentle knock on the door as you speedily pulled your tights back up, wincing as they brushed against your newly tender skin.

Your Aunty Leah popped her head in through the door, “Bun, do you want a snack? I got some blueberry muffins from the bakery…”

“Oh… um, yeah, I’ll be right down, just getting that paper out of my hair,” you mumbled, quickly running your fingers through the ends of your messy blonde mane.

“Alright, I’ll pop them in the microwave to warm them up,” she replied before heading back downstairs to do so.

As you heard her footsteps fade away, you turned around and pulled your tights down again, trying with all your might not to release a pained noise as the fabric ripped away from your newly raw skin.  The area you’d scratched was an angry red colour and the skin seemed wet, but there was no blood, which whilst a relief, made no sense to you.

Not wanting to keep your Aunty waiting, you hastily pulled your tights the rest of the way off and threw them in your laundry hamper.  The house was warm enough, but you decided to grab your soft little blanket that had purple and grey clouds, as well as the book on football you had been reading and the little notebook you’d been making notes in (and Arthur of course), and head downstairs.

“Perfect timing Bun, just took them out of the microwave.  Do you want a drink?”

“I’m okay.  Thank you, Aunty Leah, this looks lovely” you replied, climbing up onto a stool in front of the kitchen bench where a little plate with a yummy looking blueberry muffin sat.

“Well, we all know the kitchen is Aunty Lessi’s domain.  That woman can cook like a dream!  But I’m not too shabby at picking out a good pastry.  I guess you could say bread and bread-adjacent foods are my domain,” she teased.

You giggled as you tucked into your muffin, appreciating your Aunty Leah’s silly jokes about how bad at cooking she was and how limited the range of foods she ate was.  Your extended family often seemed to tease her a bit about being a picky eater and she would usually laugh it off or join in on the joke.  But you knew it was something she was actually a bit self-conscious about. 

A few days into your stay here you’d gone to the fridge to grab some milk for your cereal and had accidentally knocked a container off a shelf.  As you bent down to pick it up, you noticed a little letter stuck to the lid that read “Leah, my love, it’s okay if you can’t eat this.  I know you tried and I’m proud of you.  Please just make sure you eat something or at least have a protein smoothie.  For you and for ‘L’.  Love you – xx Less.”  You’d immediately felt guilty for reading it as you rushed to put it back on the shelf, knowing you’d intruded on a bit of your Auntie’s privacy.  You’d seen a few similar little notes stuck to containers since then.  At the time you’d been very confused about what “for you and for ‘L’” meant, but you had since figured out it meant ‘for you and for Lemonade’. 

When you finished your muffin, you wriggled off the stool and headed over to place your plate in the dishwasher.

“Are you done with your plate too, Aunty Leah?” you offered.

“Oh, thanks sweetie, you didn’t have to do that,” she replied as she passed you her plate with a smile.  “Feel free to watch something on the telly if you want.  I’ve got a bit of boring adult housework stuff to catch up on before Aunty Lessi gets home.”

“Is there anything you need help with?” you asked.

“No, no.  I’ve just got to do a couple of loads of laundry and there’s no way I would make you deal with Aunty Lessi’s gross smelly training socks!  It’s bad enough poor little Lemonade is stuck with me and can’t escape from it,” she laughed, jokingly shielding her belly from the smell.

“Is it okay if I just read in the loungeroom?” you asked.

“Of course it is!  Just remember if your head starts to hurt or you’re feeling too tired or anything, to have a rest, yeah?” she smiled at you, stroking her fingers affectionately through your hair.

“I will, thank you.”

So, you made yourself comfortable in a little spot on the loungeroom floor, surrounded by a couple of cushions, the blanket you’d brought down from your room and, of course, Arthur.  Soon you were laying on your belly, nose deep in the book and jotting down notes in your notebook all about what a penalty shootout was and what circumstances led to one.  You drew a little picture of the goal and the line markings and where the goalie had to stand and where the other players had to stand, before turning back to the book to read about in-game penalties when slowly but suddenly you… were… asleep.

The next thing you knew you were waking up in your Auntie’s bed to the smell of your Aunty Lessi’s lasagna.

The realisation hit you like a hundred bolts of lightning.

You’d slept in someone else bed.

Bad. Bad. Bad.

Bad things happen when you sleep in someone else’s bed.

The last time you’d slept in someone else’s bed, your house burned down, and your Mummy and Daddy had died.

You jumped out of the bed as though it was burning you, panic rattling all through your little body.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your right hand began hitting at the side of your head before you even knew it was happening.

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

Your other hand clawed at the skin of your neck, scratching determinedly at the tender skin there.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

You tried so hard to stop them, but your feet began to stomp loudly, your whole body seemingly moving with a mind of its own.  Everything around you seemed like it was spinning.  You thought you could smell smoke and when your eyes began to water you weren’t sure if it was because you were crying or if it was because there was actually smoke. 

You vaguely heard a commotion and saw the door swing open, but everything around you continued to spin making you feel like throwing up.  You couldn’t throw up in your Auntie’s bedroom!

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

“Bunny?  Sweetie, what’s going on?”

You could hear your Aunty Lessi’s voice and feel her presence, but the only word you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

The word kept falling from your lips and you continued to stomp and hit and scratch.

“Okay, Bun.  I’m going pick you up so you stop hurting yourself sweetie.  I need to make you nice and safe, alright?”

Again, you heard your Aunty but all you could think was ‘BAD’.

“Bad! Bad! Bad!”

Carefully you felt your Aunty wrap her arms around you, trapping your arms and lifting you off the ground.  You struggled as your body fought to keep hitting and scratching and stomping, but she gently tugged your hands away from your neck and head, tucking them tightly against her chest.

“You’re okay, lovely.  You’re safe, I promise.  It’s just you, me and Aunty Leah here okay.  Nothing bad is going to happen alright?  We’re safe.  You’re safe.  Everything’s okay…”

“Bad. Bad. Bad.”

“What do you mean by bad, Bun?” Aunty Lessi asked.

You shook your head, unable to explain yourself.  All you could say was “bad.”

“Oh sweetie, you haven’t done anything bad.  You’re not in any kind of trouble.  I promise.  And nothing bad is going to happen either, okay?” she whispered.

You began to slowly unclench in her arms, comforted by the soothing way she was swaying gently.  Eventually you opened your eyes to see your Aunty Leah standing in the doorway watching on, her face red and blotchy as though she’d been crying.

You immediately came back into your body, realising whatever you’d just done had upset your Aunty Leah.  You tried to wriggle slightly to free yourself from your Aunty Lessi’s grip, but she tightened her hold.

“Not yet sweetie.  I need to what’s going on?  What happened?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the bed with you in her lap.

“I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.  I didn’t mean to be bad and upset Aunty Leah.  I’m so sorry.  I promise I’ll be good.  I promise.”

“Darling, you didn’t upset me” your Aunty Leah assured you as she came over to sit next to Aunty Lessi on the bed.

“But your face is blotchy like you’ve been crying” you replied, your Aunty Lessi finally loosening her grip on her as your reached toward Aunty Leah.

“Well, it’s because I have been, but it’s not because you upset me.  I’m just worried about you is all.  Why were you hurting yourself?” she asked, taking your hand in hers.

“I just had to.  I don’t know.  I just did.  I was bad.”  You jumped off Aunty Lessi’s lap and started pacing on the floor in front of her and Aunty Leah.   “I woke up in this bed and I had no idea why I was in your bed and all I could think was ‘bad’ and I just did it without realising.”

“I washed your sheets and they’re in the dryer.  So, when you fell asleep on the loungeroom floor, I just put you in here for your nap.  I didn’t mean for it to upset you so much, sweetie,” Aunty Leah explained, tears still rolling down her cheeks.

“You didn’t upset me, I just I don’t want you and Aunty Lessi and Lemonade to die too!”

You heard your Aunties gasp at your explanation, but you just kept pacing, trying to figure out a way to stop the inevitable from happening.

“Bunny, oh my goodness, why would Aunty Leah and Lemonade and I die because you had a nap in our bed?”

“Because that’s what happened when I slept in Mummy and Daddy’s bed!”

You watched as your Aunties exchanged a series of looks.  The seemed confused and shocked, which was confusing and shocking to you, because it all seemed so obvious.

“Darling, your Mummy and Daddy didn’t die because you slept in their bed,” Aunty Leah tried to tell you.

“Yes, they did!  They did.  They DID!  I know they did!  It’s the only thing different I did that night from all the other nights.  I had done so so good all summer getting into my big girl routine and kept it up really well for the first couple of weeks of school.  But then… then I slipped up, and I was bad and I asked to sleep in bed with Mummy and Daddy that night.  And and th- the fire happened.  And if I had of been in my own room, I could have got myself out.  Because we’d practiced.  Daddy made sure we practiced.  And and and then… then Da-Daddy wouldn’t have needed to get me out and he could have helped Mummy because of her leg.  And they could have got out too.  But I was bad.  I slept in a bed that wasn’t mine.  When I should have just slept in my own bed, like a good girl.  Like a big girl.  And now they’re dead.  They’re both dead.  And it’s my fault.  And now what if you die too!?”

[theallyandhisbeast]

About bucktommy and 911 in general

You know, in the end, this just feels extremely cheap and cruel.

Showing bucktommy be incandescently happy in all the episodes but 8.6? Even in this ep you can feel how much they care and genuinely love each other. Audience was largely optimistic and excited about them, in a way we have never seen for other buck's LI.

Only to what? Throw it all away because you can't be bothered to write a satisfactory arc for them? Because Buck is the epitome of the guy who dates a lot but always gets broken up with? That to be able to decide if you want to be in a committed relationship if you are bi you have to explore first or else your decision is null and void?

What a way to waste potential and your characters arc.

The special thing about Tommy was that he was beloved by not only bucktommy fans, but GA, and most importantly he was a sort of representation we don't see all that much in media. People loved him because they saw themselves in him, they could connect to his journey and they were genuinely rooting for him to find love and family with Buck. To waste it all away, and to do so by basically throw at us all that we loved about them is unnecessarily cruel.

What hurts the most is that even buck and tommy themselves didn't want to break up. but instead they "must" because bowing down to harmful stereotypes about bi people who are "confused and so they must experiment before settling" is more important than telling a compelling story.

Even without bt break up, I feel like this season took a sharp dive for the worst about well thought storylines in a way that baffles him. Gerrard was reduced to a joke, as was Ortiz, both pgs that could have been used to create compelling arcs that intertwined the 118 even more but instead we got this cheap throwaway joke of a Gerrard, Ortiz was basically throw out of office in a single ep. Hotshot sl could have been fun but instead it's just.... there. And coming back too just for funsies, cause apparently that sl was more important to develop instead of a interesting queer relationship.

Athena once again doing copaganda. Bobby coming back to the 118 without any particular struggle or even guilt about dropping the bag. Things said in interviews that we expect to happen and never even made it to the screen (Eddie's loneliness? Chim and Hen having conflict over Mara? Buck feeling guilty about injuring Gerrard?).

The way Maddie cannot have any sl that is not either tied to a man or about motherhood. Madney having another surprise baby instead of them choosing on purpose to expand their family. Hen & Karen gaining trauma after trauma about their children and not having any other sl that is not tied to that. Josh just existing in the periphery and only becoming important as the "insightful token gay" but not having any type of meaningful screen time since Carson.

The other side characters like Sue, Ravi, Linda, Carla completely disappearing without anyone mentioning them. Ravi has not been given any important sl ever since he talked about having cancer and ever since reduced as a comic relief without anything to add to his character but he's a "landlord".

Chris is out of the picture for who knows how long, and is basically kept around to be traumatized over and over again. Eddie hasn't gotten any character development until first s5 and seemingly now, but i'd argue that the whole thing just felt rushed because what do you mean it takes one chat with a priest for him to do a 180° while he still isn't talking to Chris? And Eddie was the one who got the best treatment of all of them this season.

It's the way this show is slowly chipping itself away. It's the way they start a queer story line promising it would be impactful and handled with care and then half-assing it a best. It's the way the other queer characters are never explored and able to breath and revel in their queerness in the first place. Because, really, when was the last time Hen and Karen kissed on screen? When was the last time they went on a date? When was the last time their arcs were not about children or getting hurt, but just about them as individuals? And on this thread what about Maddie? Or Josh? Or Chim? Or Eddie?

Everything feels reused again and again and again without no real development than then starting the circle all over in half a season.

What a waste.

[espinosaurusrexex]

A degree? Who needs that anyway?

Boyfriend!Bucky x Female!Reader

summary: Bucky noticed you were exhausted during this time of the semester. Being the supportive golden retriever boyfriend he was, he just wanted to make you feel better. Unfortunately, his efforts only showed him how stressed you really were. So he vowed to support you through it all.

a/n: I have finally finished all my work and am back in business, baby! I'm so excited to spend the cozy season writing and posting again. Thank you for being so patient and supporting. I am so unbelievably grateful for this community. This is for all the academic girlies struggling through exam season like I do...

word count: 1.9k

warnings: feelings stress and not being enough, perfectionsim (and the pressure that comes with it), projecting self worth onto academic achievements, Bucky being adorable and supportive (perfect boyfriend alert!), just a whole lotta fluff 

･ﾟ✫* 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ｡✭･ﾟ✶ 𝒄.𝒂𝒊 ✧*･ﾟ

You were stressed. Bucky knew it. Everyone was walking on eggshells around you, if - ever - you allowed yourself to step out of the apartment to see your friends or work your part-time job. He'd never seen you like this. You were a social butterfly, the total opposite of him with the ability to recharge when you were around the people you loved most. But for a month or so you'd been living the hermit life. And Bucky did not like it one bit. 

It gave him an uneasy feeling, a squeeze to his heart, a hatred for anything that could potentially set you off. Because it was there - the potential. He was just waiting for it. For the shoe to drop, for you to break. For him to go on a rampage against all things bothering you. 

He knew you were strong and stubborn, and that you hated to ask people for help. But there was only so much a person could endure. Hell, Bucky knew too well himself. Because he was the same. He hated asking for help - he hated accepting that he was bad at something. But this...  just broke his heart. 

He tried to take you out, to get you to eat with him - anything to get you back to your normal routines. But not even when he mentioned your favorite pastime activity did he get an enthusiastic smile out of you. That’s when he knew something was seriously wrong. Well, not something. He knew it was University. You’d complained about your professors at the beginning of the semester to him, how they were too ambitious for their own good and required a mountain of weekly readings not even that guy from Transformers could manage. Now... towards the end of the term, he saw how that ambition bled into your papers and final exams. 

And Bucky? Well, he didn’t know how to act around you. It seemed like a silly selfish problem but normally you would be the one seeking contact and physical touch. He enjoyed it every time but he was just not good at initiating it himself. You’d seemed to shut him out completely. Working yourself away on your desk only to fall asleep on it and have Bucky carry you to bed. He hated seeing you like this. 

He knew it wasn’t a permanent state - it couldn’t be. Because even though he considered you the strongest person he knew, there had to be a point at which even you broke. 

And then, one day, it just happened. Without warning. Bucky hadn’t wanted to be right, so he had just ignored the thought of your breaking beneath all the pressure completely. And that was why he did not have as much as a hunch when you were talking over breakfast and the dam broke.

You had been up since well before Bucky had finally convinced you to eat with him. He’d even gone to your favorite bakery this morning to get the little pudding pastries you loved so much. And when he came back, he silently pulled your chair back and dropped you at the dining table. Everything seemed pretty good for a while. And then, out of nowhere, while Bucky was telling you about his trip to the Bakery, you had just started crying - hard.

Bucky had never seen so many tears. Not even when the wives of his fellow soldiers stood at the peer waving his comrades goodbye with white handkerchiefs. He shook the memory away. He thought the amount of tears quite impossible with the neglect of drinking water he had witnessed over the past week but they just kept coming. And Bucky wanted to hold you but something told him it wouldn't help one bit. 

You were sobbing into your hands drawing in shaky breaths as you hid your face from him and everything inside him began to scream. Scream at him for sitting there frozen like an idiot and screaming at all the professors who deserved nothing more than a good punch in their oh so intelligent faces. 

"It's just all too much. I’m so exhausted, Bucky.” A trembling breath that was muffled by your hands pressing into your mouth. Bucky was raging, but he let you continue. “And I hate that... I hate that I let this consume so much of my time and ...me. I hate that I let it affect me so much when I’m at the point at which I don't even know if it's worth it anymore.”

Bucky drew in a sharp breath at that statement. You had been working so hard, dedicated so much time and effort to work toward a goal he wanted you to achieve as much as you wanted to initially. To hear you doubt yourself broke his heart into a million pieces. He knew you were capable of it, but something told him not to say that just now. It was then you finally lifted your face and let your reddened eyes search for his. His fingers itched to touch your face. Why didn’t he do so?

“And it doesn’t help that everyone believes in me you know?” He nodded, though he didn’t quite understand. “I love each of my friends but every person that tells me they believe in me and how they don’t even doubt I’ll make it adds more pressure on top of the standard I set for myself.”

This was it. This was the moment he needed to touch you. Bucky rose from his chair and knelt down beside yours. His warm hand reached up toward your face and you immediately fell into his embrace. Your forehead pressed into his muscular shoulder, your arms reached around him and his entire body felt tingly as relief flooded through it. 

"I am so scared I'm going to fail.” You exhaled into his shirt as his hand gently stroked your back. He wanted to tell you how failing wasn’t bad. How much he would love you regardless and how stupid a dumb degree was anyway. He wanted to kiss you and whisper against your skin how you could excel at everything you tried by simply being yourself because, for Bucky, you were the epitome of perfection. 

But he didn’t do any of it. Because he also knew how important this was for you. Even if you were questioning if anything was worth it at this point - it definitely wasn’t in his eyes if it meant seeing you so crushed by something as trivial as a file on your computer - Bucky knew he’d help you walk through a hurricane if that was what you needed from him. Hell, he’d gladly do so if it would bring your beautiful smile back to your face. This degree felt really close to what he imagined walking through a hurricane to be like right about now. And he thought that he would never want one himself if this was what you had to go through in order to get it. Besides, who needed a degree anyway? Back in his day, you weren’t more special for it. Being a soldier did the job just fine... then again, that was probably worse than the hurricane thing. Focus Bucky. 

Bucky pulled back and kissed your tears off your face and then he pressed one more kiss to your salty lips for good measure. Yes, he’d do anything for you - degree or not.

“What can I do to help you, love? I hate seeing you like this.” He froze for a second in fear of adding more pressure by expressing his sadness. And surely, you just started crying harder as your face fell forward again. Oh no, Bucky thought. 

“I-“ you hick-uped, “I don’t know.” Seriously where did you get all that water from? “I love you so much. And I appreciate you so much and I know you want to comfort me but if we were to cuddle for an hour I would just stress myself out about the time I could spend studying - even if all I wanna do is cuddle you.” The stream didn’t stop when you cried harder. “And I hate that!”

Bucky nodded frustrated. "I love you too.” And then he cradled your head with his metal hand.

For a good minute, you just stayed like this. Bucky pressed you deeper into his chest until your sobs slowly died down and your stuffy breathing became steadier. He kissed your hair just to stroke over it again and then kiss it once more. For the first time in weeks, he felt like he did something that relaxed you a little. And even though you had just cried a river in your kitchen, you were so much calmer than before. 

You sniffled adorably when you looked up at him after some time. “Just know I know how difficult I am right now. I cannot wait for this to be over. It’s just... I don’t even know how to take care of myself right now, I can’t possibly know how to include you in this as well.” A final tear fell and Bucky was fast to wipe it away. “But I am so glad you’re here.”

“Okay, I understand.” He answered and hugged you again, vowing to initiate daily cuddle/relief breaks from here on out. There wasn’t much he could do, he knew that and hated it too. If he could, he would write your papers for you, but Bucky was convinced he was not nearly smart enough for that, so anything else had to make do. He’d keep the apartment clean so you had a good atmosphere to learn, he’d make sure you slept and ate on time, and he’d supply all the love you deserved regardless of exam season. “And you just know that I will be here for you, patiently waiting until you have the capacity to include me again.” He pushed your hair from your forehead and kissed you sweetly. “I will support you in everything you do...” Another kiss, this one, you reciprocated. “Always.” And another long, warm lasting kiss to seal his promise. “If you promise me one thing... one thing only,” he whispered.

“What is it?” You whispered back. 

“Promise to let me take care of you. I know you would spend 25 hours in a day studying if it were possible, but you can't keep it up like this.” He nodded. “Let me make sure you have the headspace for all your studying. Don’t deny my bringing you food, or dragging you to bed. And collect at least three kisses and one hug every day for emotional support,” he smiled faintly, a cheeky glimmer in his eyes that shone in yours as well. 

“Okay, I promise.”

Bucky kissed you again, pressing your body against his with gentle strength. His heart began to beat faster when he felt your nails rake down his shoulders. 

From then on Bucky would come up to you and hug you for a couple seconds, calling it ‘quick recharge’. He would hold you when you cried - but only when you cried because you needed to spend your dedicated hours of studying- holding you was for later.  And then he would remind you to drink enough water after watching your tears soak into his shirt. But what he looked forward to the most, were the evenings when you would cuddle into his side in bed and let him lull you to sleep. He felt accomplished as he watched you relax outside the study schedule you set up with him, being able to fully be present when you ate together or went to bed. There were still rough times, but Bucky was there to hold you regardless, smiling at the fact that his touch could calm you down and that it would be over soon - and then he’d spend entire days making up for everything that fell short because of that viscous degree.

please take care of yourself, just like Bucky would during an exhausting time like this 💛

Wanna be added to the taglist?

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[revelboo]

reader: *engaging in asshole cat behavior to piss of prowl*

prowl:

Pretty much 🤣

Stand Too Close Pt 7

IDW Prowl x Reader

• Why are you like this? For some reason he can’t understand, you’ve taken it into your little mind to deliberately try to antagonize him or provoke him. It makes him almost miss the days when you just ignored him or sulked in a corner. Freezing when you decide that you absolutely need to sprawl across the back of his hand on your belly so you can draw crude, inappropriate little pictures on his report to Optimus. “Find somewhere else to be,” he growls, tipping his hand to dump you off. Aware of the slide of your little, warm body against him as you straighten and glare up at him.

• Whatever that was between you had been electric, scandalous and exciting. And your personal enemy is now going out of his way to not touch you ever since. Actually trying to avoid you like he hadn’t been the one to get handsy and pin you down. Like your current frustration isn’t entirely his fault. Blowing out a breath from your spot where he’d dumped you, there’s no figuring him out. What you do know? Something has to give. Ever since realizing big and unpleasant can get closer to your size and that he might just have a freaky side? That’s the only place your brain wants to go. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I kidnap you and ruin your life?”

• Door wings lifting stiffly, he glares as you stand up and lean a hip against his knuckles, insisting on touching him again. Arms crossed while you raise your eyebrows at him in challenge. He knows you’re baiting him, but he still grits his denta. “You ran out in front of me, remember?” He growls, struggling with that smug look on your face that makes him itch to do something about it. Remembering shocking you speechless when he pinned you for all of a handful of seconds before you got even angrier. Remembers exactly what that had done to him.

• “You’re a cop car. How was I supposed to know you’re too stupid to understand how crosswalks work?” The data pad in his big servos cracks. And then he’s shoving up from his desk so fast his chair turns over. Glaring down at you like he’s considering squishing you like a bug. Fingers digging into your upper arms to hide the faint, nervous tremble, you smile sweetly. “Oh, did I find a nerve?”

• You’re trying to provoke him. Even knowing that, he’s still lunging. Mass shifting again even though he feels the drain to his reserves from the massive expenditure of energy too soon after the last and knows he’s going to pay for it later. For now there’s your satisfying little yelp as he catches you by the arm and yanks you into him, his other arm cupping the back of your head when you try to rear back. There’s that anger that twists in his spark. “Not nearly so bold now,” he growls, lip curling as you actually bare your little teeth at him and he remembers that startling lick of pain when you’d bit him.

• Big hands on you, pinning you to him as the jerk smirks. But he’s your size again or closer to it anyway. Tugging against his grip just to feel his servos tighten against you, because you like it even if you’ll never be able to admit it out loud. “You think?” You ask him and he leans closer like he’s daring you to try and bite him again. And it’s tempting, but using the brush guard on his chassis to boost yourself, you lunge, mouth crashing against his in anger and frustration and need all twisted together.

Previous

I think Soundwave may be winning for most shelf space taken

[kkayyerr]

Collar me.

Summary: You had always struggled with trying to find out where you actually belong, because Pogues never felt like an actual family to you. Until one day Rafe Cameron decided to show you just how exactly it feels to be someone’s belonging.

Pairing: Dark!Rafe Cameron x Pogue!puppy!reader.

Warnings: NSFW, Kidnapping, dub-con, weapons, swearing, degradation, humiliation, pet-play, orgasm denial, fingering, Dom!Rafe, Sub!Reader, slight dacryphillia, ownership.

Words count: 2,2 k

You knew that the Pogue’s lifestyle wasn’t for you since the first day you had joined them. Of course there was something exciting about all those trips and adventures, but somehow you felt lonely even in the large group of people. They had given you love and support and tried to make you get used to their lifestyle, but it still wasn’t enough for you. 

You still had a feeling that you didn’t belong with them.

That you don’t belong anywhere at all. 

You wanted something else; you wanted a quiet life under someone’s protection. Sometimes you just wanted to give control into someone else’s hands. 

Sometimes you just wanted to be controlled.

Of course you could never admit that, though. For Pogues, it sounded like hell, like something they would never expect to hear from you or each other. So you kept your mask on, trying to forget about those peaceful life dreams. How could your life even become peaceful when even a night at the open-air cinema had turned into pure chaos?

You were standing by, looking at how Kooks suddenly started to outnumber your friends. It started with only Rafe and Topper, but the others showed up also. You knew that you shouldn’t have dived into their conflict, but you just couldn’t stay there and watch your friends getting severely beat up by a group of assholes.

You approached them and stood right between your friends and Kooks. All of them were breathing hard, preparing for another round. You quickly jumped right onto Rafe, kicking him in the chest, not harming but definitely getting his attention and winning some time for the Pogues.

 

„So you’re not going to hit me? What a gentleman.”

 

You knew that your behavior was going to ruffle his feathers, and you were doing that on purpose. The idea of pushing his buttons was somehow exiting to you, even though you couldn’t explain why. In the pale moonlight, you saw his face. You noticed that his expression wasn’t angry nor annoyed, no. 

He was smiling. 

That smirk sent chills down your spine; something about him was off. 

 

„I have a lot of better ideas.”

 

Right after he said that, you heard a couple of gunshots right behind you. You quickly turned around, trying to find out who had the gun in their hands, but the last thing that you saw was Pogues running away for their lives, clearly leaving you behind. At that point, you didn’t even care who had the gun; you just wanted to burst in tears there and then. 

Just a second later, you felt hit on the head from behind. Not hard enough to traumatize you, but clearly hard enough to knock you out.

The whole world turned black as your body felt down to the ground. 

…

„Where am I?”

 

It was the first thought that popped up in your head as you woke up in the strange place that obviously wasn’t your bed. You were completely naked, your whole body was sore, and you felt a little dizziness when you tried to stand up, so you just laid back. You also felt something on your face, but you couldn’t tell what exactly that was until you touched it with your hands. You quickly stood up, as the loud gasp of shook almost escaped from your mouth when you realized what exactly that was.

It was a muzzle.

Muzzle was covering half of your face, so you could've spoken but still would feel yourself uncomfortable enough. The one who did this to you didn’t want to gag you; they wanted to torment you using some twisted methods. You start exploring your body, looking for at least something, like bruises, cuts, or the least hand marks. But there was nothing. Your body was clear, and for some reasons it made you even more anxious. Because if nobody had touched or hurt you before, they most definitely were waiting for you to wake up. They might want you to actually feel the pain.

You started to spin your head around, trying to find something that would give you answers to all the questions in your mind. The room was empty; there was nothing. Only one window. You felt almost sick in your stomach as the view started to look very familiar.

You were in Tannyhill.

Your knees got weak, and you fell to the floor, covering your mouth with your hand. Slowly, memories started to kick in. Fight, gunshots, pogues leaving you behind—you're getting knocked out.

The puzzle was finally pieced together.

 

„You look way better without those Pogue clothes, you know?”

 

You almost jumped as you heard those voices behind you. Of course, you knew who was standing there. You slowly turned around; your face expressed pure hatred and anger towards the person who did this to you. Rafe Cameron was standing a few steps away from you; his face relaxed at first, but then his lips tugged into a small smile as he saw your face in the muzzle. He definitely was proud of what he had done.

 

„I decided to keep you around instead of killing you. I figured I could use you. At least for my entertainment.”

 

He stated, completely ignoring your warning gaze, filled with rage. You twisted your knuckles, trying to manage your emotions, but you failed, as you saw that little grin on his face that almost made your blood boil. The next moment you quickly approached him, wanted to attack him, and protected yourself at least somehow. Prove him that he was wrong.

Suddenly, you froze.

 

„Try something stupid again, and I will show you just exactly what happens to wild animals.”

 

He pressed the gun upon your head, just a moment before you could’ve actually done something to him. The hatred in your eyes now had turned into the fear. You didn’t expect that he would still have a gun with him, but you were so obviously wrong. He had the gun, and he definitely had you in his hands. He had you under control. 

 

„Don’t make me put a shock collar on you, puppy.”

 

Your lips twitched in disgust when the word „puppy” came out of his mouth. Sadly, there was nothing you could’ve done about the way he was treating you right now, and you fully acknowledged that. You slowly looked up, your gaze met his, and your skin was covered in shivers once again when you realized that there was no guilt in his eyes.

He most definitely was a psychopath.

And you most definitely were turned on. 

 

„I am not an animal, Rafe. You can’t do this!”

 

Your words only made him smirk. Of course he understood that you were a human being, even if you were a Pogue, but who said that human beings can’t become good pets? Rafe never liked animals, but he had certainly liked control and would definitely like taming a pogue. After all, you didn’t seem like a typical Pogue to him; something in you was different. 

 

„Well, your friends dumped you, so now it seems like you’re going to be my lapdog.”

 

He finally took the gun away from your head, but he was still holding it, just in case you’ll think about doing something stupid once again. He was really regretting not tying you up in the first place.

 

„And if you’re lucky, I’ll throw you a bone and give you a little pet on the head.”

 

You hated yourself so much for the fact that you were getting wet from his dirty words. Part of you, the one that had some self-respect, wanted to slap him across the face and watch how his smug expression would slowly disappear. But the other part didn’t want him to stop at all. 

 

„I will never be your little puppy, Rafe.”

 

You said, trying to keep your voice stern, even though your body had already weakened just from all the nasty thoughts that had filled up your little head. Fuck, isn’t that exactly what you wanted? He sighed, not impressed by your little attitude. After all, you were a pogue. A stubborn little girl without manners.

 

„It’s sad, you know? I thought that we were about to have our first playtime.”

 

You raised your eyebrows, obviously intrigued by his words. Mostly, you wanted to find out what he had meant by the word „playtime," even though you already had a lot of ideas in your head. While you were thinking, Rafe slowly put the gun on the nightstand and carefully inserted his hand into the pocket of his black trousers, searching for something. You were also invested in what he was doing. It was very interesting for you to find out what he was looking for. And when he finally found it, your eyes widened. He was holding a pink, beautiful collar in his hand that said „R.C.”.

 

„I won’t be wearing that.”

 

Rafe approached you, still holding the collar in front of your face, teasing you. He saw that glimpse in your eyes. You wanted to wear that little thing; you wanted to wear that so badly, but you were way too embarrassed to even think about admitting that and way too shy to say it out loud.

 

„Oh no, you’ll have to beg me to let you wear that. Being Cameron’s property is a big responsibility.”

 

You shook your head in disbelief. He was an idiot if he thought that you would actually ask, nor beg for something as humiliating as that. Of course, you wouldn’t, at least not right now. Even if you wanted too. Deep down, you also wanted to see how far he could’ve pushed you before your mask would finally slip off. 

 

„I think my friends will come for me anytime soon, so if I were you, I would quit those games.”

 

His eyes darkened for a quick moment, which surprised you because you didn’t know that he would take that childish threat seriously.

Your own face expression changed from slightly smug to confused when you felt his hands around your waist, tugging you closer to him. The next second he turned you around and roughly pushed you towards the wall, practicality pinning you against it. 

His hand quickly spread your legs without any pressure. To your own surprise, you didn’t even try to stop him; you didn’t even want him either. He leaned closer to your ear; his fingers now were teasing your outer lips, while your cunt was practically begging for his attention. 

 

„I bet you’ll come faster than your friends would, puppy.”

 

You were almost dripping wet. When his fingers finally dive in and almost immediately hit a spot, you let out a whimper, which then became a whole symphony of your moans as you arched your back from the torturous pleasure. It felt too good to be something bad or shameful. Rafe started to circle your clit, still not giving it enough attention for you to cum, but just enough for you to be on the edge, scratching the wall with your nails.

 

„Please”

 

Rafe chuckled at your plea, giving your clitter a little pitch and watching you squirm and muffle something; that would’ve most definitely come out as the loud scream. He just kept on teasing you, knowing that you would’ve cum in two seconds if he only touched your clitoral area properly. 

 

„I’m going to...”

 

Rafe suddenly stopped, not pulling out his fingers but also not making any moves. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, making you tilt back your head. He wasn’t done with you yet, and he wanted to teach you some manners. Rafe wanted to make sure that his pet would be on her best behavior.

 

„I’ll let you cum if you say something for me, deal?”

 

You automatically nodded, feeling how his fingers begin to play with your clitter again, this time softer, which somehow was even worse than his previous rough actions.

 

„You have to ask me to collar you, puppy.”

 

Your eyes widened at his words, even though you weren’t that surprised. You knew that he would pull something like that, because he always fucking did. Your knees got weaker, and your whole body started to shake as you felt that you were actually so close to finally cupping.

 

„C’mon”

 

Rafe taunt, his fingers getting rougher, teasing your clit and your inner walls, dangerously close to making it impossible for you to hold it in. Tears of overstimulation flashed down your cheeks as you finally felt ready to say those words out loud. 

 

„Collar me, Rafe.”

 

Just a small touch on your clit was more than enough for you to finally reach your breaking point. Moans of pleasure mixed with sobbings of embarrassment came out of your mouth right after you got your relief. 

Before you could’ve even thought about saying anything, you felt how something had been wrapped tightly around your neck. You knew exactly what that was, and for some reason that knowledge calmed you down. 

Now you were wearing something symbolizing your loyalty and, most importantly, your belongings. 

The pink collar with gold initials on it wasn’t looking that bad on you. 

„R.C”

Maybe the life of a property will suit you better?

[itsyouch]

some fanart for a fanfic I read called "Death is not an option here" by @ineedafuckingbreakpls! + more :]

BANGER name btw!!!

see... im a whump connoisseur and this fanfic hit every spot fr,

i love how fast Chosen just broke, it makes since because, if you think about it, Chosen had to deal with Alan's torture, fight Dark, get out of Alan's PC, then he has to kill his friend, and right after (probably) he gets captured by Victim and tortured all over again and its still because of Alan, even when he tried to forgive Alan he still is connected to his suffering, he never really got the chance to be free.

the way you made Chosen die in the very beginning AAAARRRRGGG OMG IT WAS SO GOOOD. AND VICTIM REALIZING THAT HE COULD SUMMON HIM BACK AND KEEP KILLING HIM WOWIEE!!!

this fic took me so long to read cuz every exciting thing that would happen, I would just immediately start jumping on the walls and yapp abt it to my friend (who recommended this fic to me)

this is my first time on ao3 so this fic being my first just WOWIE! YIPEEE! WOWZRERS! OMGA! I HOPE EVERY FIC I READ IS THIS GOOOD!

honestly I was so invested in this that when victim pulls up with some new torture method, I would just feels this perfect dread, I never get skirmish when I see/read gore, but when Victim started using the spiked whip, and you described it like

"He was trembling and struggling against the rope, trying to not pay attention to the chunks of his own meat stuck to the ground"

it made me shiver lol. but that was EVIL making Chosen count every time he gets hit with it (BUT GENIUS) also I had this idea I just wanted to share, you know the how Agent put the select box on Chosen's arm to stop him from moving? what if Victim just spun the box and snapped his arm off. ,':'p

you know, I have a lot to say abt this fic but I suck at expressing how I feel in writing💀

im yapping to much

[tanjamikaelson]

BEST FRIEND'S BROTHER - CHAPTER 5

MASTERLIST

CHAPTER 5: | MIDSUMMERS |

Shortly after you arrived at the Midsummer’s party, your mother eagerly pulled you and Rafe aside for a picture. Her voice was filled with excitement, and she positioned you both perfectly, aiming to capture that flawless, picturesque moment. Rafe’s arm slipped around your shoulder, his fingers resting lightly against your skin, but you could feel the tension radiating from him. The stiffness in his posture, the way he held himself, spoke volumes. It was as if he was just waiting for the ordeal to be over, the tight smile on his face barely masking the turmoil underneath.

You knew he was struggling. Even though you had matched your dress to his suit—a subtle declaration of something shared between you—the reality of your situation loomed large. Sarah, your best friend and his sister was an invisible barrier between you. And no matter how much you wanted to be with him, you both knew it wasn’t that simple. As much as Rafe appreciated the gesture, the symbolism of your coordinated outfits, he was weighed down by the knowledge that you could never truly be together in the way he longed for, not while Sarah stood in the middle of it all.

He was already thinking that maybe he needed to distance himself from you. Maybe that was the only way to keep things from spiraling out of control. The thought gnawed at him, his mind churning even as he stood beside you, pretending for the camera. You sensed his internal battle, the way he seemed almost desperate to leave, and it hurt more than you wanted to admit. When your mother finally finished taking pictures, Rafe left without a word, slipping away before you could say anything, before you could even hope for a compliment. You felt a pang of disappointment, the sting of rejection settling deep in your chest. It felt stupid to even hope he’d say something nice, acknowledge how you had dressed to match him, how much effort you’d put in to show you cared.

Your eyes followed him as he walked away, weaving through the crowd until he joined his friends. You watched as his face transformed, a smile breaking across his lips, his laughter loud and carefree at whatever joke they were sharing. It was like he’d flipped a switch, turning into a different version of himself—one that was easy, light, untouched by the weight that had been pulling him down just moments before. You stood there, feeling a strange emptiness as you observed him, part of you wishing you could be part of that world, where things weren’t so complicated.

“Look how great these turned out, sweetheart!” your mother’s voice pulled you back, but you barely registered her words. She held out her phone, swiping through the photos she’d just taken, but your eyes kept drifting back to Rafe, your thoughts wrapped up in the space between you.

“Mmhmm,” you murmured absently, not even glancing at the screen. Your gaze remained fixed on Rafe, the way his eyes crinkled as he laughed, his entire demeanor so different from when he’d been standing beside you. Something about it twisted painfully in your chest.

Before your mother could notice your distraction, you abruptly excused yourself, muttering something about needing a drink. You made your way to the bar, grabbing a glass of champagne and hoping the alcohol would help numb the ache inside you, and blur the sharp edges of everything you were feeling. You took a sip, then another, the bubbles fizzing against your tongue as you tried to lose yourself in the small, meaningless ritual of drinking.

You needed to forget. You needed to stop thinking about him, about the way his arm had felt around you, about the way he hadn’t said a word before walking away. Maybe if you drank enough, you’d be able to let go of the disappointment, the hurt that had settled like a stone in your stomach.

Sarah found you quickly after, her face bright with excitement, oblivious to the storm of emotions brewing inside you. She grabbed your hand and pulled you onto the dance floor, her laughter infectious as she spun you around. You forced yourself to smile, to laugh along with her, pretending that everything was fine. For a little while, it almost worked. You danced, letting the music and the movement take you away, letting Sarah’s joy cover the cracks in your heart.

But when the music slowed and your feet began to ache, you made your way to the edge of the dance floor, standing alone beside one of the tables. You picked up another glass of champagne, hoping it would keep your mind from wandering back to him to the way he looked at you, to the way he made you feel. You took a sip, the cool liquid doing little to calm the storm inside you.

You were staring blankly at the bubbles in your glass when you felt someone approach you. Turning around, you were surprised to see your mother walking toward you with a familiar figure trailing behind her. “Y/N, look who I found,” she said cheerfully, stepping aside to reveal your ex. “He’s back in the Outer Banks.”

Your stomach twisted, the sight of him making your skin crawl. You forced a tight, bitter smile, hating how clueless your mother was, how she had no idea what really happened between the two of you. The pain he had caused, the betrayal you had felt—it was like she was parading it around, blissfully unaware.

“Maybe you two can continue where you left off,” she suggested, her voice light as if she was proposing something harmless, something sweet and innocent.

“No way. Definitely not,” you replied sharply, the words coming out more forcefully than you intended. Your mother’s face fell, her brow furrowing in confusion, but you didn’t care. You couldn’t care, not with him standing there, looking at you with that arrogant, wicked smirk.

“I think she’s already seeing someone else,” your ex said smoothly, his eyes glinting with malicious satisfaction. The way he looked at you made your skin prickle with rage.

You shot him a death glare, feeling the anger rise like bile in your throat. This was exactly what you were afraid of—him trying to ruin things for you, spreading lies just to get under your skin.

Your mother’s eyes widened in surprise. “You do? Who?” she asked, turning to you with a mix of curiosity and concern.

“You might know him—” your ex began, his tone mocking, but you cut him off sharply, your voice trembling with fury.

“Shut up, Y/EX/N,” you snarled, not caring about the people around you, the way heads turned at your outburst.

He sneered at you, his words dripping with venom. “What? You don’t want your mother to know how Rafe got into your good graces?”

That was the breaking point. The anger exploded inside you, blinding and hot, and before you knew it, your hand was swinging through the air, slapping him hard across the face. The sound echoed sharply, and you saw the red mark bloom on his cheek, a perfect imprint of your rage.

“Y/N!” your mother gasped, her voice high with shock and dismay, but you didn’t wait to hear what else she had to say. You turned on your heel and stormed off, your heart pounding in your chest, your hands shaking with the adrenaline coursing through you.

You fled inside, your steps quick and unsteady as you headed to the bathroom. Once inside, you locked the door behind you and sank against it, the tears spilling over, hot and unrelenting. Your body shook with sobs, the force of them ripping through you, tearing apart the composure you had tried so hard to keep. The makeup you had spent so much time perfecting was ruined, mascara streaking down your cheeks, your eyes red and swollen.

It felt like you had been there for hours, trapped in the small, suffocating space, your mind spinning with everything that had happened. The way he had looked at you, the things he had said—it was like he was determined to tear down everything you were trying to build, to drag you back into the darkness of the past. He had always been like that, manipulative and cruel, turning everything around to make you feel like you were the one in the wrong.

Eventually, the sobs subsided, leaving you drained and hollow. You looked at yourself in the mirror, wincing at the reflection staring back at you. The girl in the glass looked broken, her makeup smeared, her eyes puffy and red. You grabbed a wet tissue and tried to wipe away the worst of it, but it didn’t help much. You looked just as wrecked as you felt inside.

You knew you couldn’t stay hidden in the bathroom forever, no matter how much you wanted to. You had to go back out there, face the music, face him. But you couldn’t stay at the party, not with him lurking around, not with everyone watching, whispering. You needed to leave, to get out, to breathe.

Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the door and slipped back outside. You tried to make yourself as inconspicuous as possible, hoping to avoid any more confrontations, but as you moved through the crowd, you felt eyes on you. Not just any eyes—his eyes.

Rafe noticed you the second you stepped back into the light. He had been wondering where you disappeared to, his gaze sweeping the crowd until he spotted you. As you came closer, he saw the smudged makeup, and the puffy eyes, and it hit him like a punch to the gut. You had been crying. His mind raced with questions, his heart pounding with a mix of anger and worry. Had he done this? Was it because of him? Or was it something else, something he couldn’t protect you from?

He moved toward you, his steps quick and determined, his presence like a shield as he closed the distance between you. His tall frame blocked out the noise and chaos of the party, making you feel small and protected in his shadow. He looked down at you, his blue eyes searching your face, filled with concern.

“What happened? Have you been crying?” Rafe’s voice was gentle but insistent, and you could see the worry etched in the lines of his forehead.

You turned your gaze away, not wanting him to see the raw vulnerability in your eyes. “It’s fine, Rafe,” you murmured, trying to keep your voice steady, but the way it cracked on the last word betrayed you.

“It’s not fine, Y/N,” Rafe said firmly. He reached out, his fingers lifting your chin, guiding your eyes back to his. The touch was so tender, so unexpected, that it made your heart ache. “Why did you cry?”

You hesitated, the words caught in your throat. You wanted to tell him, to let him know how your ex had tried to humiliate you, how he’d tried to expose whatever fragile thing was blossoming between you and Rafe. But you knew what would happen if you did. Rafe would lash out, his anger erupting like a storm, and you didn’t want that. Not here, not now.

“Can we go somewhere we can be alone?” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Rafe didn’t hesitate. He grabbed your hand, his grip firm but careful, and led you back inside. You followed him down a quiet hallway, away from the prying eyes and the noise of the party. He opened a door and pulled you into a small, dimly lit room, closing the door behind you. It felt like a sanctuary, a place where the rest of the world couldn’t reach you.

“Will you tell me now?” Rafe’s voice was filled with concern, his eyes locked on yours as he waited, his body tense with anticipation.

“If you promise me you won’t do anything,” you said, your voice trembling. You needed to know he wouldn’t make things worse, wouldn’t go storming off to confront your ex and turn the party into a battlefield.

Rafe’s jaw tightened. “It depends—”

“No, promise me you won’t do anything,” you insisted, cutting him off. Your eyes were pleading, begging him to understand how much you needed this.

Rafe let out a long, frustrated sigh, his shoulders slumping slightly. “Fine. I promise. Now tell me.” His voice was demanding but soft, filled with a worry that made your heart squeeze painfully.

You took a deep breath, steeling yourself. “It was my ex again.” You watched as his eyes darkened, the flash of anger flickering there, but he stayed silent, waiting for you to continue. “He told my mom there’s something going on between you and me.”

Rafe’s eyes bore into yours, his gaze intense. “And there isn’t?” His question hung in the air, heavy with the unspoken feelings between you.

You shook your head slowly. “No, there is. But I don’t want him going around and saying that to everybody.”

Rafe nodded, his jaw clenched. “Yeah, I understand.” He paused, and you could see the conflict in his eyes. “What do you want me to do? I can—” He started to turn toward the door, his body taut with purpose, but you grabbed his arm, stopping him.

“I told you not to do anything,” you said, your voice firm, even as your heart pounded in your chest.

“But—” Rafe began, his voice laced with frustration, but you cut him off again.

“Not here, at least. I don’t want anyone to blame you for everything.” Your voice softened, your fingers tightening around his arm, needing him to understand.

Rafe stared at you, his eyes searching yours. Finally, he sighed, the tension in his shoulders easing just a bit. “Okay.” He nodded, though his eyes still burned with anger. “But I don’t want to see you crying because of that piece of shit ever again. Do you understand?”

You nodded, your lips curving into a small, grateful smile. “I do.” The fierceness in his voice, the way he was willing to hold back for your sake, made your heart swell. He cared, really cared, in a way that was rare and raw.

Rafe’s lips twitched into a smile, his eyes softening as he looked at you. “Good. I was also worried you cried because of me.”

You frowned, tilting your head slightly. “Why would I cry because of you?”

“Because I was kinda ignoring you when we arrived,” he admitted, his voice low, almost sheepish.

“Yeah, you did.” You crossed your arms over your chest, feeling the sting of that rejection all over again. “Why did you?”

Rafe took a deep breath, his eyes dropping to the floor for a moment before meeting yours again. “We can never be together the way I want.” His voice was filled with quiet desperation, his words heavy with longing. “Not when Sarah’s in the middle.”

“That’s not true,” you said, shaking your head, your voice steady and sure. “We can. We just have to figure out how.”

Rafe’s eyes widened slightly, surprise flickering across his face before it was replaced by something softer, warmer. He smiled at you, a genuine, relieved smile. “I also didn’t tell you how beautiful you look in that dress.”

Your cheeks flushed, heat creeping up your neck at the compliment. “Thank you. So do you,” you replied softly, your voice barely above a whisper.

Rafe stepped closer, his breath warm against your skin as he leaned in, his voice a low murmur that sent shivers down your spine. “I wish I could take it off of you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat, your heart racing at his words. “Rafe...”

“I know, I know,” Rafe nodded, his eyes filled with understanding, though there was a hunger there, barely contained. “We can’t do it, not right now. But I have to at least do this—” He reached up, cupping your face gently, his thumb brushing against your cheek before his lips met yours.

The kiss was soft at first, tentative like he was testing the waters. You were caught off guard, your mind spinning as you processed the sensation of his lips on yours, the warmth and softness of his touch. Then, without thinking, you kissed him back, your hands reaching up to wrap around his neck, pulling him closer.

The kiss deepened, growing more urgent, more hungry. Rafe’s hands moved down, his fingers brushing along your sides, his touch leaving a trail of fire in its wake. He grabbed your hips, pulling you flush against him, his mouth pressing harder against yours. His hands slipped under your dress, his fingers gripping and squeezing your butt, drawing a soft moan from your lips.

The sound seemed to snap you both out of the haze you were lost in. You broke the kiss, breathlessly, your forehead resting against his as you tried to steady yourself. Rafe’s hands slid up to your waist, holding you close, his breath coming in heavy, ragged gasps.

He looked at you, his eyes dark with desire, his voice a strained whisper. “I have to keep myself in control, otherwise...” He trailed off, his grip on your waist tightening as he tried to reign in the desire that was coursing through him.

You nodded, your heart still racing, your body aching with the need to be closer to him. But you knew he was right. This wasn’t the time or place. Not yet. You both needed to be careful, to protect whatever fragile thing was growing between you.

“Thank you,” you whispered, your voice shaky but sincere.

Rafe smiled softly, his thumb brushing against your waist in a soothing gesture. “Anything for you, Y/N.”

After you and Rafe returned to the party, it felt like you were walking on air. The laughter and music blurred into a distant hum as your thoughts kept drifting back to what had just happened between you. Your fingers brushed against your lips, still tingling from the feel of his kiss, the memory of it fresh and vivid in your mind. You’d imagined kissing Rafe so many times, but nothing compared to the reality of it—how soft his lips were, the way his breath mingled with yours, how he’d held you like he never wanted to let go.

You glanced over at him, your heart fluttering as you watched him rejoin his friends. He seemed calm, almost casual, but there was a spark in his eyes, a trace of the intensity that had burned between you just moments ago. He caught your gaze from across the room, his lips curving into a small, knowing smile, and your cheeks heated as the memory of your kiss flashed through your mind again.

It was the first kiss you’d ever shared, and it felt like the world had shifted beneath your feet. There was something almost surreal about it, like you were still trying to wrap your head around the fact that it had actually happened. The way he’d looked at you, the way he’d touched you—it was more than you’d ever dared to hope for. The kiss was gentle at first, hesitant as if he was afraid you’d pull away. But when you kissed him back, and felt his lips press more firmly against yours, it was like something clicked into place.

Your skin still buzzed with the memory of his touch, his hands gripping your hips, his fingers exploring your body with a desperation that mirrored your own. It was like he couldn’t get enough of you, and the thought sent a shiver down your spine. You wondered if he felt the same way now if he was as caught up in the memory of your kiss as you were.

You tried to focus on the party, on the people around you, but it was impossible. Every time someone spoke to you, every time you tried to join in on a conversation, your mind wandered back to Rafe. To the way his eyes had darkened with desire, to the sound of your name on his lips, to the way he’d made you feel like you were the only person in the world.

You wished you could talk to someone about it, and share the excitement and confusion swirling inside you. But who could you tell? Sarah, your best friend, would never understand. She’d be furious if she knew what was going on between you and Rafe. And that thought tugged at the back of your mind, a shadow that darkened the glow of your memories. You were happy, but you were also terrified—terrified of what would happen if Sarah found out, terrified of what this all meant.

Rafe seemed to be handling things better than you were. You watched as he laughed and joked with his friends, his easy confidence back in place. But every now and then, his gaze would flicker over to you, and in those brief, stolen glances, you saw the truth. He was thinking about it, too. About you, about that kiss. About everything that had changed between you in the span of a heartbeat.

You took a deep breath, trying to steady yourself, trying to push past the swirling mess of emotions inside you. You needed to get a grip, to figure out what you were going to do next. You couldn’t keep walking this tightrope, teetering between your feelings for Rafe and your loyalty to Sarah. Something had to give.

But for now, all you could do was relive that kiss, the way it had felt to finally have him close, to feel his lips against yours, to know that he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. And as the night went on, you clung to that memory, letting it wrap around you like a warm, comforting blanket. Whatever happened next, you’d always have that moment, that perfect, fleeting kiss that had changed everything.

TAGS: @wearemadeofstardust0 @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @thepopcultureaddict @deeznuggetsbebussin

[s1eept0ken]

Smutty & sweet sleep token head cannons

warnings-most of it as per usual 🙈

MDNI! 18+

꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎

Vessel

☣︎loves your pretty smile, his heart absolutely melts when he sees it

☣︎100% has you as his wallpaper

☣︎as kind and gentle as he is with you outside the bedroom, he’s the complete opposite when it’s just the two of you! Always treats you like his little play thing

☣︎ves just gives off sweet!dom vibes, like yes he can be rough with you 99% of the time but he’s always gotta make sure his pretty girl is doing alright after he’s done fucking her recklessly!

☣︎there’s not one inch of that house where you haven’t been fucked on

☣︎he’s always buying you sweet gifts, flowers, chocolates ect ect…

☣︎I feel like he’s big on shower sex, it’s so intimate, the warm water running down your bodies while the air is full of steam and sex? Sign him UP

II

☣︎Such a cuddle bear, always needs to fall asleep with you in his arms

☣︎He ALWAYS has to have his hands on you, whether it’s them on your hips, thighs, shoulders hell he even grips onto your ass sometimes! He doesn’t care though as long as he can feel the warmth of your soft skin in his hands then that’s all that matters

☣︎definitely big on choking, but only choking you. Not rough but to the point where you’re slightly struggling to breathe gets him rock hard

☣︎he could stare at you for HOURS and never see a single flaw, the moment you say something negative about yourself he’s got you completely naked in front of a mirror running his hands gently up and down your entire body telling you and reminding you on how gorgeous you are, and then yknow damn well he’ll fuck you in front of it!

☣︎we all know our man is tatted up, would definitely want matching tattoos

☣︎he wants EVERYONE to know you’re his and his only, always buys you jewellery with his initials on it

III

☣︎Where do I even begin with this man…he’s so insanely obsessed with you, always needs to make you feel like you’re the most perfect girl in the world! And let’s be honest, in his eyes you 1000% are

☣︎big on praise, whether it’s him giving it to you or you giving it to him he fucking loves it

☣︎LOVES eating you out and no one can change my mind, it’s his favourite thing to do! Your plush thighs squeezing around his head, your little moans and whimpers and even better him just making you feel good? Yes please

☣︎loves just touching you, whenever you are just standing somewhere he’ll come up, wrap his long arms around your waist, nuzzle his face into your neck and whisper sweet nothings into your ear!

☣︎goes absolutely feral when you ride him, he loves having control over you and your movements, your hips move so perfectly on him he could swear he sees stars when you’re on top of him bouncing on his long cock

☣︎when he’s away on tour and he’s missing you, bet your ass he’s gonna be sending proof, he’s always sending videos/pictures of him stroking his cock slowly, letting out low groans and even if you’re lucky he’d send you a voice message of him saying everything he’d do to you when he gets back and how he’s been so desperate for you! :(

IV

☣︎he treats you like you’re his sugar baby! Always buying you such expensive nice things, anything and everything you want he’s always got for you in a heart beat!

☣︎Honestly..I feel like he’s so into tying you up, wrapping a blindfold around your pretty eyes and just teasing you for however long he’d like to and you would absolutely have zero say

☣︎always following you wherever you go, like a puppy! He adores you so much he sees you as his and his only pretty girl! Which you are

☣︎as much as he loves to spoil you, he loves to hear you beg especially when you’re so close to cumming and he slows down his movements, daring to pull out completely until you’re a blabbering, begging little mess

☣︎whenever he comes up with a good riff you are ALWAYS the first he shows, he gets so excited it’s adorable!

☣︎if one of the other guys or even random men look at you in a way that he doesn’t like, especially if it looks like a flirty way he’s definitely pulling you into the closest room he can find and fucking you recklessly, reminding you who you belong to

꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎ ꩜˚₊‧⁺⋆♱⋆☠︎︎

I hope you guys enjoyed! I’m sorry it’s not great :( but all requests I’m happy to write for so leave some if you’d like!

Love you🖤

[chewnotchoke]

only us who knows - leehan

synopsis: you havent seen your boyfriend, leehan, in a while so you decided to surprise him in his fansign and he tries his best not to be obvious infront of everyone else

got inspired from this leehan vid

warnings: secret relationship, fluff, idol!leehan x non-idol!reader

wc: 781

more under the cut!

video calls and late-night messages were never quite enough. nothing could ever be as great as having your boyfriend beside you; it’s been two months since you last saw each other. your heart has been torn between the joy of his success and the loneliness of his absence over the months apart, and the pain has been constant. despite all, your love remained the same.

but tonight, you are now standing in line for their fan sign in japan. you had to fly over for a few hours just to see him again, and leehan knows nothing about it. you’re standing there like everyone else, your hands sweaty, your heart racing, even though you've touched his hand a hundred times. seeing him welcome each fan with that bright smile you know so well makes it feel unreal, like a strange combination of tension and excitement. if feels weird to be here, publicly supporting him like everyone else, even though you've been keeping your relationship with him a secret.

with each step, the line moves closer, and your heart beats more loudly. in the hopes that he won't notice you until the last minute, you keep your head down. you can already imagine his reaction: his breathless laughter, his wide-eyed shock, and his usual way of reaching for your hand, as though he finds it hard to believe you're real.

taesan was seated first, followed by sungho, jaehyun, riwoo, leehan, and then woonhak. right before it was your turn to interact with jaehyun, leehan’s eyes found yours across the room, and his face broke into the most genuine, unguarded smile, the kind he usually saves just for you. you could tell that he could not contain his excitement anymore and he started finding it hard to focus on the fan in front of him. he tried to contain it, molding his features into a more controlled smile, but you could see the sparkle in his eyes, the barely-contained excitement. leehan can’t hide it from you, not even if he tried.

and then, it’s your turn.

leehan’s face breaks into a more radiant smile, and he practically bounces in his chair. you furrow your eyebrows worriedly and your eyes try to tell him not to be so obvious. he clears his throat and says in his usual fan sign tone, “thank you for coming to see me.” but, his voice has a warmth and tenderness meant for you, and his eyes tell a different story, hinting at all the words he can’t say here. the two of you softly chuckles. he squeezes your hand, his thumb grazing your fingers in a way that, after all this time away, feels both exhilarating and natural. “i couldn’t wait any longer.” you said.

he kept squeezing your hand gently, as if to say “i’ve missed you, too.”

but he breathes, almost like a whisper, “i missed you.” and you become wary of your surroundings, worried someone must have heard him because leehan was not bothered to be worrying about anyone hearing what he just said. because to be honest, he will scream how much he misses you in front of everyone else if he could. he then slides his other hand under the table, giving your knee a reassuring squeeze.

his eyes hold yours, and then his look fell into every feature you have on your face, glistening with that comforting warmth, and you know he’s struggling to hold back. “can’t i just stand there and hug you? i don’t think holding hands is enough.”

his eyes lingered on your lips.

one thing about leehan when he’s restrained from doing something he wants, he becomes insufferable. “careful, a lot of people are watching.” you whisper, trying to remind him of where you both are. he tries to regain his composure but can’t help but lean in a little closer than necessary. he laughs softly and shakes his head, his eyes dancing with mischief. "you make it hard for me to be professional."

right when the staff asks you it’s almost time to move, leehan’s touch which was once so subtle now felt like he didn’t want to let go. the warmth in his eyes is becoming unmistakable and the fans are starting to notice. before you’re ushered to move along, he scribbles something on one of the pages in the album. even as you walk away, you feel his gaze following you and then he mouths something only you could understand and feel.

“i love you.”

after you are done with the fan sign, you flip through the pages of the album and see his writing: let’s meet at our hotel later. it’s my turn to surprise you.



[passengerprincessblog]

“Off Track” ~ Pt. 5 Franco x Reader

WARNINGS: NSFW, angst, arguments, sexting, cheating.

Summary: As tensions flare between Y/N and Lewis after a heated argument, Y/N finds unexpected solace in a late-night text exchange with Franco, her forbidden feelings reigniting despite her guilt. Torn between loyalty and the thrill of something new, Y/N struggles to navigate the boundaries of her emotions as her connection with Franco deepens.

(Note: this is lowkey a filler part, just trying to move the story along and plant some lore, if you will, for later. Thanks for liking and reading.)

The evening was winding down, the soft hum of conversation and clinking glasses signaling that the gala was coming to a close. People lingered, exchanging goodbyes and quiet laughter, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave just yet. Maybe it was the adrenaline still coursing through me from earlier, or the way Franco’s presence seemed to tether me to the room. Whatever it was, I wasn’t ready to go.

Lewis, however, seemed to have other ideas. His arm had found its way around my waist, his hand resting possessively on my hip as he kept me close to his side. It wasn’t unusual for him to be affectionate, but tonight, there was a different energy about him—an almost territorial vibe that made my heart skip, especially with Franco so close.

As we stood near the bar, Lewis’s fingers dipped slightly, brushing the small of my back in a way that felt almost like a reminder. He leaned close, his voice a soft murmur, “Ready to head home yet?”

I managed a small smile, trying to sound casual as I replied, “Maybe in a minute…”

Lewis’s hand tightened on my hip, pulling me just a bit closer, and I could feel his gaze on me, heavy and expectant. But I kept my eyes on Franco, who stood nearby, nursing a glass of champagne. There was a slight flush to his cheeks, his gaze flicking between Lewis and me, as if he was caught between his admiration for his idol and… something else. Something unspoken.

We struck up a conversation about the gala, the elegance of the setup, the cause it supported. Lewis seemed content enough to let me speak, but every now and then, his hand would drift lower, brushing over the curve of my hip, edging dangerously close to my ass. It sent a shiver through me, not entirely pleasant, because every touch reminded me of the guilt twisting in my stomach. I should be here for Lewis. But I just fucked Franco in the closet.

“Franco,” I said, my voice a little too bright, “it must be exciting, being part of f1? All the fans, the money.”

He chuckled, looking a bit bashful, his eyes darting between Lewis and me. “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that kind of thing. It still feels a bit surreal. Besides, compared to you two, I’m just a rookie, tagging along.”

Lewis laughed, pulling me closer, his hand slipping lower until it rested on the curve of my ass, claiming me in a way that was impossible to ignore. “You’ll get there, Franco,” he said, his voice warm and encouraging. “Work hard enough, and maybe one day, you’ll be hosting your own events like this.”

I could see the admiration in Franco’s eyes, but there was something else too—a flicker of discomfort, or maybe jealousy, that he couldn’t quite hide. He took a sip of his champagne, his gaze shifting to me, a small, strained smile tugging at his lips.

“Yeah,” he said, his tone light, but I could hear the underlying tension. “Maybe one day.”

The three of us stood there, a triangle of complicated feelings, each of us playing our parts but somehow teetering on the edge of something unspeakable. I could feel Lewis’s fingers press slightly against me, his silent message clear: I’m yours, and you’re mine. But my heart betrayed me, fluttering at the sight of Franco’s shy, slightly flushed face.

“Speaking of traveling,” Franco continued, trying to keep the conversation flowing, “You said you two might be going to Monaco soon?”

Lewis nodded, his smile proud. “That’s the plan. Got some events lined up, and it’s always nice to go back there. It’s the perfect place to relax.”

Franco nodded, but his gaze lingered on me, his eyes softening in a way that made my heart ache. “Sounds amazing,” he said quietly, and for a moment, it felt as though his words were meant for me alone, as if he wanted me to know he wished he were going, too.

The guilt clawed its way back, twisting in my stomach as I forced myself to look away. Lewis leaned close again, his breath warm against my ear. “We’re leaving. Now,” he murmured, his tone leaving no room for argument. I looked at him, slightly annoyed but he didn’t notice.

I swallowed, casting one last glance at Franco, who was watching us with a mix of longing and resignation. “Goodnight, Franco,” I said softly, my voice barely above a whisper.

He nodded, a small, sad smile tugging at his lips. “Goodnight, Y/N. Lewis.”

I could feel the weight of his gaze as we turned to leave, and every step away from him felt like a thread being stretched thin, holding us together by the faintest of connections. As much as I knew I should be relieved to go, the ache in my chest only grew, a reminder of the forbidden feelings I couldn’t seem to let go of.

Back at Lewis’s luxurious flat, the silence wrapped around us. I quickly made my way upstairs, into his huge bedroom. As I began taking off my jewelry, one piece at a time, the remnants of the night still swirling in my mind. Franco… me.. I felt a twist of excitement and couldn’t help but smile. Lewis watched me, his gaze soft but expectant, like he was waiting for something.

“So,” he said after a moment, breaking the quiet, “what did you think of the gala? It was nice, right?” He said, watching my face.

I smiled, nodding. “It was beautiful. You did an amazing job. Your speech was…” I paused, searching for the right words, “…inspiring.” I say as I put the earrings down on the dresser.

A smile crept across his face, his chest puffing slightly, pleased with my answer. I know exactly what to say. But as I slipped off my rings, my thoughts drifted, unbidden, back to Franco.

“I really hope Franco has a seat next year,” I said, almost absentmindedly. “He’s so talented, and… he deserves it.”

The softness in Lewis’s expression shifted, his gaze sharpening slightly as he looked at me. “Yeah,” he replied, his tone neutral. “He’s a good kid. But tonight wasn’t really about him.”

The subtle annoyance in his voice didn’t go unnoticed, and I bit my lip, realizing how my words must have sounded. “Of course, I know,” I said quickly. “Your gala was incredible, Lewis. You put so much into it, and I’m so proud of you.”

He stepped closer, his hands reaching out to gently rest on my shoulders, his gaze softening once more. “Thank you,” he murmured, his voice dropping to a whisper. “You have no idea how much it means to have you here with me.”

His hands trailed down my arms, his fingers brushing against my skin, sending a familiar warmth through me. He leaned down, pressing his lips softly to my neck, lingering as he kissed a gentle path across my skin.

I closed my eyes, trying to focus on him, to let myself sink into his touch and forget everything else. This was Lewis, the man I loved, the one who had always been there for me, who had shared his world with me. But even as I leaned into him, I couldn’t shake the faint pull, the thought of Franco’s hands, the lingering touch that had marked me in ways I didn’t understand.

Lewis’s hands slid around my waist, pulling me close, his lips trailing down to my collarbone. “Tonight was perfect,” he whispered, his breath warm against my skin. “But it would be even better if I reminded you how much I love you...”

I forced a smile, nodding, letting him guide me, his affection a steady presence I didn’t deserve yet couldn’t resist. But deep inside, beneath the guilt and the thrill, a part of me lingered elsewhere, caught in a quiet moment with someone I couldn’t have.

And though I knew I should be fully present with Lewis, the shadow of my feelings for Franco remained, a quiet, forbidden ache I couldn’t quite let go of.

Lewis’s kisses grew more intense, his hands tightening around my waist, pulling me closer as he moved hungrily against me. His tongue swirling with mine, sending soft shivers down my spine. His desire was palpable, the urgency in his touch unmistakable.

But as much as I wanted to reciprocate, to lose myself in him, my heart wasn’t in it. My mind was a mess, my emotions tangled and conflicted, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t muster the same energy he was pouring into this moment.

He pulled back, his forehead creased in confusion, searching my face for some sign of reassurance. “What’s going on, Y/N?” he asked, his voice quiet but tinged with frustration. “You’ve been… distant. This isn’t like you.”

I looked away, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I’m fine, Lewis. You’re overthinking it.”

He let out a humorless laugh, stepping back and crossing his arms over his chest. “Overthinking it? Really? You think I don’t notice when something’s wrong with you? It’s insulting that you’d even say that to me.”

I took a deep breath, feeling defensive, the weight of his scrutiny pressing down on me. “I’m just… tired. It’s been a long week, that’s all.”

He shook his head, his eyes narrowing. “No, it’s more than that. You’re not yourself, Y/N. You don’t call me ‘lovie’ anymore. You barely respond to my texts, and when you do, it’s like… it’s like you’re somewhere else entirely.” He paused, his voice thick with emotion. “You’re not affectionate, you’re distant… like you’re just going through the motions.”

I felt my frustration rising, the guilt twisting in my stomach, and before I could stop myself, I snapped, “Maybe you’re just imagining things, Lewis. Not everything is about you.”

His face hardened, his expression darkening. “Imagining things?” he repeated, his voice cold. “You think I don’t notice when my girlfriend is slipping away from me? When she’s acting like she’d rather be anywhere else but with me?”

The argument escalated quickly, our voices rising as the tension between us reached a breaking point. The words tumbled out, sharp and angry, the resentment bubbling to the surface.

“You think everything’s about you,” I retorted, my voice shaking with anger. “Every conversation, every moment—it’s always centered around you, your career, your achievements. You don’t even see what’s happening around you.”

He looked at me, his jaw clenched, and I could see the hurt flash in his eyes. “You know what?” he said, his voice dangerously low. “I may be a lot of things, but don’t you dare call me selfish. I’ve done everything for you. I’ve paid for everything. I bought you the best of everything, paid off your $80,000 student debt without even blinking, and you have the audacity to call me selfish?”

His words cut through me, a bitter reminder of the life he’d given me, the things he’d provided without ever asking for anything in return. And as much as I wanted to deny it, to tell him he was wrong, I couldn’t. The truth was, he had done so much for me, more than I could ever repay.

I felt a hot flush of embarrassment, my anger fading as the weight of his words settled over me. “I… I know, Lewis,” I said quietly, my voice barely a whisper. “I’m grateful, I am.”

He scoffed, shaking his head in disbelief. “Grateful? It doesn’t feel like it. You act like everything I do means nothing to you. I give you everything, and you treat me like I’m just… some guy.”

I huffed, too overwhelmed to say anything that would make things better. I turned, storming out of his bedroom, my steps echoing down the hallway as I tried to put distance between us, to escape the guilt and shame that clung to me.

As I reached the door, his voice followed me, sharp and accusing. “You can be so childish, Y/N! I give you everything, and you act cold and distant with me?”

I spun around, my face flushed with anger. “I do not!”

He took a step toward me, his eyes dark and filled with something I couldn’t quite place. “Then prove it,” he said, his voice low and intense, the challenge in his words unmistakable.

The silence stretched between us, thick and charged, and I felt my heart pounding, the weight of his demand pressing down on me, leaving me torn between loyalty and the confusing mess of emotions swirling inside me.

“I don’t need to prove it!” I whined, sounding more like a petulant teenager than I cared to admit.

Without waiting for his response, I turned and marched down the long hall, my footsteps echoing in the quiet flat. I reached the guest bedroom, the room he’d told me was mine back when we’d first started dating, and slammed the door behind me, letting the sound reverberate through the walls. My chest heaved as I fought back tears, the mix of anger, guilt, and frustration bubbling over until I couldn’t hold it in any longer.

I spent the next hour sulking, feeling the sting of our argument replay in my mind. The things he’d said, the accusations… they all settled in like weights on my chest. I tried to brush it off, to convince myself that I’d been justified, but the guilt lingered, gnawing at me in a way that wouldn’t go away. Eventually, I dragged myself into the shower, hoping the warm water would wash away some of the tension, and changed into some old clothes I’d left here, remnants of the days when I used to spend more time in London with him.

As I curled up on the bed, my phone buzzed, and I looked down to see a new message from Franco.

“Hey, hermosa.”

My eyes lit up, a flutter of excitement rising in my stomach that I tried to ignore. I quickly typed back, my fingers moving almost instinctively.

“Hi, Franco.”

He responded almost instantly, and I could practically hear his teasing tone.

“Why are you up so late?”

I froze for a moment, hesitation prickling in my mind. Should I tell him? Should I let him in on what had just happened? After a beat, I decided to go for it.

“Lewis…”

A pause. I watched the typing dots appear, then disappear. Finally, his response came.

“Lewis?”

The single word hung on the screen, and I stared at it, my heart pounding as I wondered what he was thinking. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea, maybe I was crossing a line. But before I could second-guess myself, my fingers moved again.

“Nothing.”

I hoped he’d let it go, but Franco was persistent.

“Come on. What’s wrong?”

The concern in his words made my heart ache, and suddenly, I found myself pouring out a little more than I intended.

“Just argued…”

I hesitated, watching the screen as he typed, the anticipation building.

“Are you okay, hermosa?”

His words wrapped around me like a warm embrace, and before I knew it, the truth spilled out.

“I wish you were here.”

A pause, and then his response came, as bold and honest as ever.

“I wish you were with me.”

My stomach flipped, and I felt the thrill building, the tension between us reawakening despite everything that had happened with Lewis. The guilty thoughts from earlier seemed to melt away, replaced by the excitement that only Franco could bring out in me.

“Where are you?” I typed, my heart pounding.

There was a slight delay before his answer came, as if he were weighing his response carefully.

“My hotel.”

My fingers trembled as I typed, feeling the forbidden nature of the question.

“Where?”

His answer came quickly, but his words made me smile, a soft laugh escaping my lips.

“Hermosa… Don’t ask me that. I’m going to need you to come.”

“Fine,” I replied, smiling to myself as I felt the thrill of our conversation overpowering the guilt that had been hanging over me.

He replied almost immediately, teasingly pushing the conversation forward.

“What are you doing?”

I smirked, typing out my response.

“I’m just in bed. Giving Lewis the silent treatment.”

“Poor Lewis,” he replied with a hint of mischief. “You should be nicer to him.”

“Glazer.” I text back.

“Says you,” he shot back. I’m unable to stop myself from smiling.

“I don’t glaze him.” I rolled my eyes, shaking my head at his attempt to tease me.

“Sure.”

A laugh slipped past my lips, and I could feel my mood lifting, the heaviness of the evening melting away in the warmth of Franco’s messages.

“So you are just in bed?” he texted, and I felt my heart race at the subtle implication.

“Yes,” I replied, biting my lip as I waited for his response.

A moment later, his next message appeared, sending a thrill through me that I couldn’t deny.

“I would love a picture.”

My stomach twisted with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Should I send him a selfie? This was already dangerous territory, pushing boundaries I shouldn’t be touching… and yet, the thrill was undeniable, a pull I couldn’t resist.

I glanced at the mirror across the room, debating with myself. My heart pounded as I weighed the options, the rational part of me screaming to stop, while the reckless side urged me to go for it. After all, it was just a picture, right? Just a small, innocent picture…

My fingers trembled slightly as I picked up my phone, my heart pounding in my chest. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. Just a picture, I told myself, nothing more.

I stood up and walked over to the mirror, taking a moment to adjust my appearance. My tank top had ridden up slightly, exposing a sliver of my waist. I tugged it down, but not before taking a quick selfie, capturing the tantalizing glimpse of skin.

Too much? Maybe it’s not enough…I wondered, biting my lip as I debated. But then again, Franco had asked for a picture...

With a flush creeping up my neck, I decided to take another photo, this time angling the camera to show off my cleavage. My breasts strained against the thin fabric of my top, the outline of my nipples visible through the material.

I hesitated for a moment, my finger hovering over the send button. What am I doing? I thought, panic rising in my throat. But then I remembered the thrill of Franco's earlier messages, the way his words had made me feel desired, wanted.

Before I could second-guess myself, I hit send, the picture winging its way to Franco's phone. I immediately felt guilty, my stomach twisting with a mixture of excitement and shame.

Oh god, what if he shows someone? What if Lewis finds out? My mind raced with worst-case scenarios, even as a part of me thrilled at the danger, the taboo nature of what I had just done.

I paced the room, my heart pounding as I waited for Franco's response. Minutes ticked by, each one feeling like an eternity. Maybe he didn't like it, I thought, panic rising in my chest. Maybe I went too far...

But then, my phone buzzed with a new message, and I nearly dropped it in my haste to read it.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous. You’re going to give me this while I can’t be near you? Evil." Franco had written.

I felt a rush of heat flood through me at Franco's words, my cheeks flushing with a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment. I know I am doing.. and I hate that I’m enjoying this..

A thrill of excitement coursed through me, and before I could second-guess myself, I typed out a response.

"Your turn," I wrote, my fingers trembling slightly as I hit send. "I want to see you too."

Oh god, what am I doing? I thought, my stomach twisting with a heady mix of anticipation and anxiety. But I couldn't deny the thrill that shot through me at the thought of seeing Franco, of having something tangible to fantasize about.

After a few seconds, I get a notification.

It’s a picture of Franco, in the big hotel bed. His abs on full display. My stomach twirls.

I feel myself grow with need. Need for him.

I can’t respond.. what am I doing?! But my fingers are doing something else entirely, typing out another message.

“I didn’t get to see that tonight.” I text back. Even in the throes of our rushed closet moment, I didn’t get to see all of him.

“Well, I didn’t get to see it all either.”

My face heats up. Fuck….

“Would you like to pretty boy?” I hit send. I turn my phone off and throw it at the edge of the bed. What’s wrong with me?! Lewis is literally done the hall.

I felt a rush of panic as I threw my phone, my heart pounding in my chest. What the hell am I doing? I thought, my mind reeling. Lewis is right down the hall, and I'm sexting with Franco?

But even as I tried to talk myself down, I couldn't ignore the heat that still pulsed through my body, the ache that had settled low in my belly. God, I want him, I admitted to myself, biting my lip hard enough to hurt. I want to see more of him, to feel his hands on my skin...

I paced the room, my mind racing with possibilities. We could sneak away, I thought, my heart rate picking up at the idea. Meet up somewhere private, somewhere where no one would catch us...

I shook my head, trying to clear it. No, I can't, I told myself firmly. I can't do this to Lewis, can't betray him like this. Even if he did hurt me tonight, even if he is an asshole sometimes... I love him. I can't throw that away.

But even as I tried to convince myself, I couldn't deny the way my body reacted at the thought of Franco, the way my skin tingled with anticipation. Fuck, I thought, running a hand through my hair in frustration. What the hell do I do?

I glanced at my phone, sitting innocently on the bed. I should just leave it, I thought, my resolve wavering. Should just ignore his messages and try to forget this ever happened...

But even as I thought it, I found myself walking towards the bed, my hand reaching out for the phone. Just one more look, I told myself, my fingers closing around the device. Just one more peek, and then I'll put it away. I swear.

I unlocked the phone, my heart pounding as I saw the unread message from Franco. Don't open it, I told myself, my finger hovering over the screen. Don't do it, Y/N. Just put the phone down and walk away...

I stared at the screen, my finger trembling as I hovered over Franco's message. Don't open it, I told myself, my heart pounding in my chest. Just put the phone down and walk away...

With a shaky breath, I opened the message, my eyes widening as I read Franco's words.

“Please, baby.”

I hesitated for a moment, torn between my desire for Franco and my loyalty to Lewis. But even as I tried to convince myself, I couldn't deny the way my body responded to Franco's messages, the way my heart raced at the thought of sending more to him. Just one more picture, I told myself, my resolve crumbling. Just one more peek, and then I'll stop. I promise.

I pull my shirt up and over my head, letting it gently fall to the ground. I pick my phone up as I take a few tantalizing photos of my bare chest.

I hesitated for a moment, my finger hovering over the send button. This is crazy, I thought, my heart pounding in my chest. I'm really going to send him a topless picture?

I sat on the bed, my heart pounding in my chest as I stared at the screen, waiting for Franco's response. I can't believe I just sent him a topless picture, I thought, my cheeks flushing with a mixture of excitement and shame. What if he shows someone? What if Lewis finds out?

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door, and I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Hey, sweetheart," Lewis called softly, his voice muffled through the wood. "Can we please talk?"

I froze, my eyes widening in panic. Oh god, he's here, I thought, my stomach twisting with dread. He's going to see me like this, topless and waiting for Franco's reply...

I scrambled to grab my tank top from the floor, my hands shaking as I tried to grab it. But it was too late. The door swung open, and Lewis stepped into the room, his eyes going wide at the sight of me. My hands drop the shirt, on the end of the bed on accident.

"Y/N, what..." he started, but his voice trailed off as he took in my state of undress. I could feel his gaze on my bare breasts.

I quickly covered my chest with my hands, my face burning with embarrassment and shame. I fully expected Lewis to be furious, to demand an explanation for why I was half-naked.

But instead, he just smiled and laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "What, you couldn't find a shirt in here?" he teased, his tone light and playful.

I blinked in surprise, caught off guard by his reaction. "I... um..." I stammered, my mind racing to come up with an excuse. "I was just hot," I finally managed, my voice sounding weak even to my own ears.

Lewis's smile faltered for a moment, a flicker of suspicion crossing his face. "Hot, huh?" he said, his voice tight. "Funny, I just turned the AC up."

I swallowed hard, my heart pounding in my chest. He knows, I thought, panic rising in my throat. He knows I was doing something, something wrong...

I could feel Lewis's eyes boring into me, his gaze intense and searching. I shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny, my hands still covering my chest. He knows something's up, I thought, my heart hammering in my chest. He just doesn't know what.

"Come on, babe," Lewis said finally, his voice tight. "Let's go back to our room and talk, okay?"

I nodded numbly, my mind racing. Should I tell him the truth? I wondered, my stomach churning with guilt and fear. Should I confess to sexting with Franco, to sending him topless pictures?

But even as I thought it, I knew I couldn't. I couldn't hurt Lewis like that, couldn't betray him with the truth of what I had done.

"Okay," I said quietly, my voice barely above a whisper.

I reached for my tank top, my hands still shaking as I pulled it over my head. Lewis watched me, his expression unreadable. He knows, I thought again, my heart sinking.

I followed Lewis out of the room, my steps heavy and slow.

As we walked down the hall, I could feel the weight of my guilt pressing down on me, threatening to crush me beneath its heavy burden. I'm a terrible person, I thought, tears pricking at the corners of my eyes. I'm a liar and a cheat, and I don't deserve Lewis's love or trust.

———————————���————-

🙈😅 yikes. Lewis LEWIS HE KNOWS AHHHHHH … or does he? Hehe.

Next time Franco will be getting involved into some online drama 🙈

Please like and follow to let me know you want more!

I appreciate all of you! 💜

[zigrethsnotebook]

3 times Stan fake-proposed to you and 1 time he didn’t

Stan x Reader

words: 4,123

tags: sfw, toothrotting fluff

a/n: was allowed to borrow the idea from @stanpineskisser <3

1. Stan and you had been dating for a couple of months now. The town was slowly warming up to the idea of Mister Mystery dating someone so... 'out of his league' as you'd once heard it. You knew they just thought you were a gold-digger but you also did not care. You loved Stan. And even though he had a hard time saying it out loud, you knew he loved you, too.

Stan didn’t need to tell you how he felt, because he showed you through little gestures and gifts he'd get you. (But to call you a gold-digger because of that? He stole most of the stuff anyway!) Like today, when you two went on a date to Greasy's Diner.

It wasn't supposed to be anything fancy, just a normal dinner date with Stan. But as things so often are with this man, it ended up being anything but normal.

When you two entered the Diner one thing immediately caught your eye. A new little machine stood next to the coat rack at the door. It was one of those things where you'd put a coin in, turn the handle a couple of times and a little plastic ball filled with some cheap toy would fall out. You loved these when you were a kid! The toys were always terrible but something about it always made you get something whenever you saw one of these.

Your excitement and nostalgia got the better of you. So while Stan put both of your coats away, you went and got yourself something from the machine. Grinning from ear to ear you followed Stan to an empty booth. You waited until after you had ordered your drinks to open the plastic ball.

"Where'd you get that?" Stan asked as you struggled to tear the two halves apart. "The machine at the door." You didn't even look up to answer him, you knew he wouldn't like it, call it a waste of money. He'd be right, of course, but you didn’t need to hear it.

While Stan was looking for the machine you finally managed to pull the ball apart, sending the contents flying across the table, one of the things rolling off of it. You quickly gathered them all in one spot in front of you while Stan stood up. "I gotcha."

When he spotted the little dark blue plastic ring in front of the table, he bent down on one knee, picked it up and presented it to you. You were about to take it from him when Lazy Susan appeared behind him, holding your drinks. She gasped before saying: "Oh my, Mr. Pines! Are you proposing already?" Stan looked at her quizzically for a second when you saw an opening for a free meal.

"Oh my god, Stan! I never would have thought! This is so sudden...!" You put on a real show and Stan was quick to follow your lead. "What can I say? These past few months have been the best of my life and I never want them to end! Please... marry me?"

The words were right but both of you spoke them like you were the leads in a cheap soap-opera. It didn’t matter though. Everyone cheered when you said 'yes' and fell into his arms. Stan pushed the ring onto your finger and you kissed him as dramatically as you could.

Once you two had settled back into your seats, now holding hands and making heart-eyes at each other, Lazy Susan put your drinks on your table. "Well, I think it goes without saying that you two are getting the special today. On the house! Aren't you just adorable!" You both thanked her and grinned at each other as she turned around.

After dinner, on your way back to the shack, Stan couldn't help but laugh. "Nice stunt you pulled there. Quick thinking - I like that." You smirked at him. "I learned from the best."

He shifted in his seat a little, the words he was about to say making him slightly nervous. "You do realize we'll have to pretend to be engaged now, right?" You chuckled before answering sarcastically. "Oh no, what a nightmare!"

Stan joined you with a chuckle of his own. However, he couldn't shake the warm, fuzzy feeling that was blooming in his chest at the thought of being engaged to you.

2. About two weeks later Stan asked you out to dinner again. "And put on something nice. We're going to a fancy restaurant today. Because I'm planning to propose to you!" You were about to question him when he showed you a little blue box. When he opened it you recognised the little blue plastic ring from the Diner and smiled a crooked smile.

"And here I was, thinking you were going to propose to me for real," you sighed dramatically, "but I suppose a scam for a free dinner will do." You smirked at Stan as he put the box into his jacket. "I'll be back in five." You kissed his cheek and turned on your heels to put on some nicer clothes.

As you walked away you had to calm your racing heart with a few steadying breaths. What happened at Greasy's was dumb luck, but the fact that Stan wanted to pull the same scam again, on purpose this time, left you feeling giddy.

You lived for the excitement Stan brought into your life. Scamming, shoplifting, pug smuggling or robbing his rival of a clown painting - Nothing beat the adrenalin rush of doing something illegal, running away hand in hand and then sinking into each other, laughing hysterically.

This scam in particular though? It felt a little different. You knew that this would only work if the people at the restaurant believed that you two were so in love that you'd want to marry each other. Not that it was very difficult for you. You two had been dating a good while and you really loved him. But the topic of marriage had never even crossed your mind before.

Then again, this was only a scam. He wasn't actually proposing to you. After all, you had roped him into this at Greasy's and now he was just taking advantage of a good situation.

Still, as you looked in the mirror, all dressed up in your fanciest dark red suit, you decided that you'd put on an even better show than last time.

When you met Stan again in the living room he eyed you up and down before stepping towards you and grabbing your waist, pulling you closer to him. His voice was low. "You look gorgeous, doll."

Your hands found his chest and traced his skin in the part of his shirt he'd left unbuttoned. "You clean up nice yourself, handsome." You all but purred at him. Stan chuckled, a smirk on his face. "Don't tempt me, sweetcheeks. Let's get dinner first."

You both chuckled and pulled apart so Stan could lead you to the front door. He kept one of your hands in his up until he opened the car door for you, allowing you to climb inside, before he shut the door. He walked over to the driver's side and you two drove off.

Stan had picked a restaurant a good 40 minute drive from the shack so by the time you arrived you were starting to get really hungry. Stan had put in a reservation beforehand which meant you were quickly seated and presented with a nice red wine Stan had ordered for the both of you.

He promised you he'd only drink one glass and then switch to soda and you believed him. Stan had assured you time and time again that nothing was more important to him than your safety.

You held his hands on top of the table and you both stared into each other's eyes, really going all out on the lovey-dovey stuff. Normally, Stan would roll his eyes and groan at people who behaved like this, but when he could use it to scam someone? He was not holding back.

He softly spoke sweet nothings over the table, quiet enough to be believable, loud enough to make sure the staff heard him. He peppered your hands in soft kisses and smiled at you like you were the light of his life.

Hell, if you didn’t plan for this to be a scam then you would have believed him. You couldn't help the way a gentle blush crept onto your cheeks at the sight of Stan picking up your hand and placing a soft kiss to your knuckles without breaking eye contact with you.

Just as Stan saw the waiter approaching again out of the corner of his eyes, he put on the real show. He stood up, his chair screeching backwards slightly and declared: "I can't wait any longer." Stan pulled the blue box from one of his pockets and got down on one knee in front of you as he addressed you by name.

"You are by far the best thing that's ever happened to me. Your smile is what lets me get up in the morning and I would be honored if you would allow me to see your smile every day for the rest of our lifes. Please. Will you marry me?"

You watched him, real shock and surprise making its way to your face with every word he spoke. You had to manually remind yourself that this was just a scam and Not a real proposal. Without your permission your voice went shaky as you breathed out a "Yes, of course!" and went in for a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss, letting out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. Why was this having such a strong effect on you? You knew this was coming, you should have been prepared for this!

It didn’t matter because you didn’t have much time to dwell on it. When you parted the kiss you tuned back into the real world and heard the other customers applauding. The waiter had now reached the both of you and declared that for true love like yours your meal would be on the house. The customers applauded again as you both settled back into your seats.

You admired the dark blue ring Stan had slipped onto your finger and Stan quickly covered it with his own hand when the waiter brought out your plates, knowing full well that with one closer look every idiot would see that the ring is just plastic.

The rest of the dinner went smoothly. Two couples congratulated you both on their way out and you thanked them accordingly.

After you were done and back on the road Stan was first to speak up. "You were real convincing today. Almost made me think you thought it was a real proposal." He kept his eyes on the road but the smirk on his lips was still very clear.

You chuckled. "Yeah, right. To be fair, you weren't half bad yourself. 'Your smile is what lets me get up in the morning'? Now that's some true romantic stuff. Did you learn that from The Duchess Approves?" You tried to play it cool by teasing him. It seemed to do the trick.

"Hey! I can be romantic!" You chuckled fondly. "Yes, I know, love." Stan's expression softened at the nickname. He wanted to tell you just how much he loved you, too, but he just couldn't get the words out so instead, he just put his right arm over the backrest of your seat and pulled you towards him slightly as he continued to drive home.

You leaned into his touch and held up your left hand to look at the ring again. "Hm... How about I give this back to you, in case we want to do this again sometime?" You smiled as you pulled the ring off your finger and dropped it into the chest pocket of Stan's shirt.

3. It was late spring as you and Stan decided to go to a fair, one town over. You two walked along the many different attractions together, your arm lazily around his torso, his hand gently resting on your hip. Your pace was very slow, because at every other stall he squeezed your hip lightly to pull you closer and whispered in your ear how exactly they were scamming the customers. Every time he'd get a chuckle or a gentle swat to his chest from you.

As you two were passing by a Tin Can Alley, you spotted a gorgeous bear plushie that was just one fez short of looking like Stan. Just as you were about to ask him to play a round with him he pulled you closer again. "Ah, the Tin Can Alley. Did you know that they put a bit of double sided tape under the cans so they're harder to knock over?"

You swatted him lightly again and he chuckled. "No! Stan! Don't tell me that! I wanted to play a round with you. That bear looks so much like you, I wanted to win one." He looked a little puzzled at you, then at the bear, and back at you again. "I don't see it."

Even though he hated hearing you say it, he was plain adorable at times. A fond smile graced your lips even though you sighed in disappointment. "It's okay, let's go." You went to take a step forward but Stan stopped you. "Nah, let's play anyway." "But-" He cut you off and stepped towards the stall. "Come on! My treat." Stan flashed his teeth and winked at you. Was he planning something?

You were the only people at the stall so the man in charge of it noticed you two immediately. Stan squinted at him. "What do we need to do to get that bear?" He pointed at the plushie dangling above your heads.

The man smiled at him. "Good choice, sir. For that one you should only need three balls." He placed three balls on the counter between the men. "There is a catch though. You see these stacks?" He pointed at the three pyramids of stacked cans behind him. "You'll need to clear all three of them completely. Care to try? It's only three dollars."

Stan pulled three dollars out of his pocket and placed them on the counter, then gently nudged you closer to it. "Give it your best shot, doll." You smiled at Stan and took the first ball as the man behind the counter put the money away.

You positioned yourself in front of the first stack, took a deep breath and threw the ball. It hit the second of three rows, knocking four out of six cans to the ground. "Hoho! Good one! But not quite good enough for the bear I'm afraid." You frowned, disappointment filling your chest again.

"Yeah, not an option, pal. How about you just keep 'em coming, huh?" The man smiled at Stan again, although this time it looked a little more like a smirk. "Gladly, sir! Every extra ball is an extra dollar." As he said this he put one extra ball on the counter. Stan grumbled quietly and pulled another dollar out of his pocket while the man restacked the cans.

When the man was done and took the dollar, Stan looked at you, encouraging you to try again. This time you actually managed to clear the first stack. You threw your arms up in triumph and Stan huffed but the look in his eyes was of pure adoration. The second stack was less easy though, you only knocked off three cans this time. You needed an extra ball.

This went on until Stan had spent exactly eleven dollars. You had counted along. After that, when you hadn't cleared the cans again and looked at Stan expectantly, he put on his saddest face and pulled his pockets inside out, proving that he had 'no money left' and you couldn't continue.

Stan sighed sadly, shook his head and turned to you again. "I'm so sorry... I wanted to make this the best day ever but..." He looked wistfully up at the plushie and then back to you. "I suppose it doesn't matter that much." Stan rummaged through the inside of his jacket and pulled out the tiny box you'd come to recognize. You let your eyes widen in fake surprise.

He bent down on one knee, opened the box and presented it to you. You gasped as you saw the ring again. "Will you marry me?" You looked between Stan and the ring a couple times, pretending to be shocked at this scenario, before you nodded vigorously and stepped forward, hugging your boyfriend and repeating the word 'yes' a couple of times.

Some passersby 'aw'-ed and applauded as you pulled back slightly to press a loving kiss to Stan's lips. You'd never get tired of this. As Stan pushed you back just enough to slip the ring onto your finger, you could hear the man at the stall quietly sigh in annoyance. You went in for another kiss to Stan's lips, really selling the proposal.

When you broke the kiss again, you two were presented with the bear plushie, sitting for you on the counter. "If this is what it will take to make this the best day ever for two lovers, who am I to stand in your way?" The man said as he slid the bear over to you.

You gladly took it, hugging it tightly and throwing a couple 'Thank you!'-s at the man while Stan grabbed him by the shoulder and told him: "Thanks, man. I knew you were a true romantic at heart."

With that, you two left the fair. You had everything you needed. Back in the car, you slipped the ring off your finger and handed it back to Stan before nuzzling your face into your new favorite plushie, which you lovingly and creatively named Stan two or Stan the second.

You didn’t see it, but Stan's expression softened as you did that. He adored you so much. The way you were able to pull off these scams with him so effortlessly. The way your genuine joy for life made him actually want to spend money on silly things like this. You had changed his life for the better and didn’t even know it.

In that very moment Stan started planning exactly how and where the next time he'd propose to you would happen.

1. You and Stan sat in Greasy's Diner, sipping on some soda. Stan had asked you out to dinner and you had assumed he was planning to fake-propose to you again, but as he pulled up to the Diner you realized that that wasn't the plan. He couldn't pull the same thing here again, they thought you were already engaged!

Even so, Stan had put on one of his nicer outfits. A red shirt with the top few buttons unbuttoned to show off his gold-chain and a decent amount of chest hair. His tan jacket was thrown over the backrest as you sat down at a booth. You had also worn something nice, not too fancy, but nice enough for the kind of restaurant you thought he'd take you to.

Stan clearly enjoyed your outfit, it showed off all the right curves while not giving too much away... he couldn't keep his eyes off of you. It made you chuckle as Lazy Susan stood in front of your table and Stan seemingly hadn't even noticed her. "Hey! Earth to Stan!" You called out to him and he snapped out of it. "What would you like to eat?" You grinned at him as he ordered.

When Lazy Susan walked back to the kitchen you spoke up again with a chuckle. "I know I look good in this, but you're overdoing it a little." Stan just rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Haha... yeah. Sorry." You furrowed your brows at him. You had expected him to have some witty, suggestive comeback but instead he apologized? Something was off.

You watched him fidget with his hands in front of him, his eyes darting around the room and the table, anywhere but your eyes really. It was starting to worry you. "Stan? Are you alright?" Concern laced your voice and made Stan finally face you. His cheeks immediately went bright red.

"Th-There's nothing for you to worry about, doll, I promise." Your eyebrows stayed knitted together as you nodded slowly. He was clearly lying and also very nervous about it, but you knew better than to push him. He'd tell you eventually. He always does.

After a few minutes in silence, with Stan going back to fidgeting and not looking at you, Lazy Susan brought you both your meals. You thanked her and dug in. Meanwhile Stan quietly sighed in disappointment before starting to eat as well.

You were about halfway through your meal when Stan got up. You didn’t pay much attention to it and just assumed he had to use the restrooms. When you looked up and saw his plate though, you halted. The fork in your hand landed back on your plate as you wondered why Stan had barely eaten anything.

Someone cleared their throat beside you and when you turned to look it was Stan in front of you on one knee, holding a tiny red box. You quickly swallowed the food that was still in your mouth as Stan addressed you with your full legal name. He was blushing a deep red and you could feel your cheeks trying to match his.

"I know I've said this before but I want you to know that I truly mean it this time." He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. "These past few months with you have been the best of my life and I would spend all the money in the world to keep your smile in my life forever."

Your eyes welled up with tears as you realized what was happening. "I have become a better man and I blame you for that entirely." A wet chuckle escaped your lips. "I guess what I really want to say is..." Stan took another deep breath, then looked into your eyes. "I love you."

A few tears were flowing freely now as Stan opened the box in his hands to present you the most gorgeous silver ring you had ever seen. It held a little red gemstone between silver swirls that reflected the light from the Diner like a sunset over the ocean. "Will you marry me?"

You lept out of your seat into Stan's arms, knocking him backwards onto the floor. "Yes! Yes! A million times yes!" Stan could feel your tears staining his shirt but he couldn't care less. A massive weight lifted off his shoulders knowing that he could now call you his fiancé without having to lie about it.

With some difficulty he managed to sit you both back up so he could take your hand and place the real ring onto your finger. Admiring the sight he pressed a kiss to it, as if sealing it there.

You pressed your forehead to Stan's, holding the hand with the ring between you. "I love you, Stan." He sighed, finally content. "I love you, too."

After a few moments on the floor like that, Lazy Susan came up next to you. "Didn’t you propose two months ago?" Stan let out a gruff laugh, the one that always made you smile. "No, I didn’t. Just faked it to get a free meal." He beamed at her but Lazy Susan frowned.

She turned around and while Stan helped you up and into your seat again she came back with a broom in her hands. She smacked him with it from behind. Once, twice. Stan stammered out some halfhearted apologies as she kicked him out of the Diner.

You laughed all the way and when she came back to your table you apologized sincerely, asked her nicely to pack both of your meals up to go and told her that you'd pay for both these meals, and the ones you had two months ago.

She agreed happily, and when you stepped outside with your food, you found Stan next to his car, rubbing his ass. You laughed and told him that you'd finish your dinner at home, just the two of you.

That seemed to lift Stan's spirits again. He almost sprinted around the car to open the door for you and when you both got home you celebrated your real engagement appropriately.

[tpwk-formula1]

Hiii! Could I order a Sicilian crust pizza with alfredo sauce, broccoli, ricotta, buratta, shrimp and oregano with a Mountain Dew (dom reader and Dino, sub Paul), White Claw (Paul) and a slushie (Paul) with dessert served by Dino Beganovic and Paul Aron

My idea was Dino and reader are switches, it's Paul's first time being a sub and he's a bit nervous

Lee-Lee's Pizzeria Menu

TW - Crying, threesome, MxM, multiple orgasm, unprotected sex

WC 3100+

Sicillian crust dating Alfredo sweet sex broccoli "Made just for me huh?" ricotta "I love your voice but it's always my favorite when you're moaning my name" buratta "How many was that? three... I think you can give me another" shrimp "I'll be gentle" oregano "Please, let me cum in you" mountain dew dom/sub white claw crying slushie sir kink dessert yes served by Dino Beganovic and Paul Aron

Y/N POV

"Armastus, can I speak to you for a second," I hear my blond boyfriend call out from another room in our shared apartment.

"How can I help you," I find Paul in our shared bedroom sitting on the bed with a perplexed look on his face.

"I want to try something but I'm worried Dino might not be into the idea," he says softly making me walk towards him and climbing into his lap and feeling his hands circle around my waist and pull me in closer something he tends to do when he gets anxious.

"Love, you know Dino is always open to new ideas, but what did you have in mind?" I ask softly while running my fingers up and down his covered chest.

"Well, you and Dino always get to be switches and I'm always dom and I love it don't get me wrong! I love seeing you guys submit to me but I wanna try being sub for once," Paul says softly making a smile spread across my face before leaning down and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Oh! Dino is gonna be so excited! He's been rambling lately about wanting to dom you but too scared to ask because you've always loved having us submit to you," I admit softly making a small smile spread across his face before moving his hands from my hips to my face and pulling me down for a few quick kisses.

"We'll talk as a couple later but we should probably work on our communication a bit better," I laugh softly making Paul grow slightly red and nod his head.

It's been a few days since Paul and I had talked and Dino was finally home from Sweden which meant we could all sit down and talk finally.

"Dino, can you come to the entry room," I call out softly from the kitchen where I had grabbed a few waters for each of us. I find Paul already sitting on the couch looking rather nervous while I see Dino coming down the hall with a confused look.

"Paul wants to talk to you," I tell him softly when he reaches where I'm standing and placing a softly kiss on my lips.

"How can I help you," Dino says with a joking sing song while plopping down on the couch where he placing a kiss on the side of Paul's face still not picking up on the anxiety coursing through his body.

"Kärlek, what's wrong," Dino finally asks picking up on Paul's nervous tendencies.

"I- um- please don't hate me but I want you and y/n to dom me tonight," Paul rushes out making me even struggling to know what he said but based on the happy look spreading across Dino's face I can tell he knows exactly what he said.

"Go to the bedroom, strip down and be waiting exactly how you have us wait for you," Dino tells him softly before placing a kiss on his lips and watching Paul disappear down the hall where our bedroom is.

"Who's idea? Did you talk to him while I was away?" Dino turns his attention onto me where I was sitting on the coffee table just across from the Swed.

"We talked but it was his idea," I tell him softly making him smile and nod his head.

"Are you gonna join him or me tonight?" Dino asks softly making me smile.

"You, I want all the attention on him," I answer softly making a smile spread across Dino's face before nodding and standing up.

"Strip down thought," Dino says making me laugh softly and strip down into just my matching bra and thong.

"You too than," I say while point to him being fully clothes. Dino strips down into just his briefs before we both make our way into the bedroom where we find Paul completely stripped down on his knees near the end of the bed. I instantly noticed how hard his is making me smirk slightly.

"Get in the middle of the bed and lay on your back," I tell him sternly while gesturing towards the bed and walking towards the closet where he kept all of our toys.

I grab out several different things, but I toss the rope to Dino where he instantly starts typing up Paul while giving him plenty of reassurances and soft kisses along his body only fueling his horniness.

"Paul, love do you have absolutely any limits, things that are a definate no?" I ask soft while walking towards him with a blindfold, cock ring, and vibrator in my hands making Paul's eyes grow slightly wide at the sight,

"No blindfold please, not this time at least," he says softly staring directly at the long silk ribbon making me nod and softly smile dropping it on the ground before I hold up the cock ring making Paul blush bright red but softly nod before eyeing the vibrator and nodding a soft yes at it as well.

I smile softly before nodding and placing them on the bed making my way back to Dino where he is observing his handy work. Paul was tied down in a star position making me smile at how vaulnerable he looked.

"Are you okay?" Dino asks softly seeing the pure anxiety flickering through Paul's eyes.

"I think so, just a bit nervous," Paul admits softly.

"We'll go slow, it's all about your pleasure tonight. You know the safe word. Use it if you need to and yellow out if you don't like something but don't want to stop overall," Dino answers softly before approaching the bed and climbing up between his spread legs and grabbing the cock ring laying next to Paul's body.

"Kurat" I hear Paul hiss when Dino gripped onto his cock and pump it softly.

I climb on the bed next to Paul's body and start trailing my nails along his torso watching his abs flex under my touch before making it to his nipples and giving them a quick pinch making his eyes roll into the back of his head while his back attempts to arch but Dino had tied him down too good.

"Oh kurat, sir please," Paul begs making me look down to see Dino oh so slowly rolling the cock ring down Paul's large angry cock.

"Breath, you look so pretty like this," I whisper against his lips making him whimper softly before I quiet him down by placing my lips on his.

I grab the vibrator next to us and turn it on the lowest setting before softly placing it on one of his nipples making him whimper as the vibrations shoot straight to his already aching and leaking cock.

"Kurat, Y/N," Paul whimpers when I start slowly bringing the vibrator down to where he needs it the most.

"I love your voice but it's always my favorite when you're moaning my name" I tell him while I place the vibrator right on the tip of his cock making him loudly moan out at the intense pleasure.

I watch as Dino starts to play with Paul's balls making me smirk when I see Paul start to shake from his impending orgasm.

"Please, please, I need to cum," Paul whines out making me smirk slightly at his desperation.

"I think you should make Dino cum first," I tell him while removing the vibrator from his cock and softly slapping Dino's hand away making him get up and pull his briefs off before climbing back onto the bed but this time near Paul's face where he turns his head as best he can and opens his mouth and starts sucking Dino's large cock.

"God, you're so good at this," Dino groans outs making me smirk while I lean down and pull Paul's cock into my mouth making Paul hiss around Dino's cock which resulted in Dino whimpering at the sudden vibration.

"Fuck, made just for me huh?" Dino smirks while pushing his cock all the way down Paul's throat making him gag slightly. I can hear Paul softly hum in confirmation sending the vibrations straight to Dino's cock making him shudder and fuck Paul's face a bit harder before pulling out and cumming all over Paul's face making him look like a proper sub for us.

"Please, I need to cum," Paul begs not ever caring about the cum leaking all over his face.

"Cum for us," Dino leans down and whispers in Paul's ear making me speed up the actions with my mouth making Paul whimper before his whole body tenses slightly before relaxing and unleashing a massive load of cum filling my mouth up. I swallow whatever he gives me before sitting up and crawling towards his cum covered face before leaning down and licking a large strip of cum off his cheek before hovering over his open mouth and letting the cum slide down my tongue and into his mouth where he closes his mouth and swallows with a groan.

"Look so pretty covered in his cum," I whisper against his ear before placing a few soft kisses on his lips.

"Please I need more," Paul begs making my eyes find Dino's to see him already at the foot of the bed with the vibrator ready to make Paul cum again.

"You better make Y/N cum twice before you even think about begging to cum," Dino tells Paul sternly making me clench my thighs together loving when the Swed gets like this. I quickly pull my thong off before climbing over Paul's face and centering my core with his mouth.

"Please, I need to taste you," Paul whines not quite being able to reach given I was still hovering over his mouth. I finally lower myself down onto his face while watching DIno flip the vibrator on full blast making my eyes go wide knowing just how hard he's about to make this for Paul.

"Fuck," I moan when Paul starts sucking on my clit. One thing about Paul was he was a munch and knew how to bring me over the edge with just his mouth in a matter of minutes but with Dino distracting him with the vibrator I knew Paul was gonna struggle with the task at hand.

"Dino! I'm gonna fucking cum if you keep doing that shit," Paul snaps getting frustrated, his dominant side coming out slightly. He's quickly shut up though when Dino slaps his inner thigh making Paul whimper at the sudden sting.

Paul instantly attached his mouth back onto my clit using his cool down to his advantage and bringing me over the edge through my first orgasm rather quickly.

"Fuck, Paul," I whine out when I feel my orgasm hit soaking Paul's face with my essence.

"Kurat, taste so good," Paul whimpers into my pussy sending slightly overstimulating vibrations through me.

"Don't you fucking move, you better cum in the next 3 minutes, our boy won't last long," Dino tells me sternly.

"Yes sir," I moan out when I feel Paul start licking at my sensitive clit again. I'm already shaking from overstimulation and with the added pleasure of Paul's tongue I know I won't last long this time either.

"No, too much," I hear Paul start to whimper letting me know how close he was getting.

"Shit, I'm gonna cum," Paul breaths out into my pussy making me grind down on his face a bit harder.

"Cum with me," I moan while falling over the edge and watching Dino stroking Paul's cock while keeping the vibrator pressed firmly against his tip.

I watch Paul fall over the edge with a loud shout before he's moans quickly turn into whimpering when Dino keeps the vibrator firmly pressed against his tip clearly wanting to throw him over the edge against.

I slowly climb off of Paul's face to find it soaked with my juices but I can tell some of it is from his tears he was freely letting fall due to the overstimulation he was feeling.

"Please! Sir, it's too much," Paul whimpers making both Dino and I look down at him with a smirk.

"I don't think I can cum again, please," Paul continues to beg making me look down at him with slight worry in my eyes.

"Paul, color?" I ask softly while pushing Dino's brutal hand away from the angry red cock.

Green! Fucking green," Paul shouts when he quickly feels the vibrator press down on his sensitive cock again.

"Please! So close," Paul whimpers making Dino remove the intense vibrator and quickly take all of Paul's length down his throat before pulling a third orgasm out of him.

"Fuck, fuck fuck," Paul chants in English cumming down Dino's throat. Dino and I could tell Paul was getting close to his limit but he could still go again.

"How many was that? three... I think you can give me another" Dino says while looking straight into Paul's eyes. Paul just nods his head still too blissed out to talk. I see him tug gently on the rope around his wrists before looking at them and them me, a silent plea to untie him.

"Please, armastus," Paul begs making me nod my head and slowly start untying his wrists while Dino worked on untying his ankles. Once he was completely untied he slowlyy starts moving his wrists around trying to losen his muscles before he softly reaches for me and pulls me into him where he starts placing kisses all over my face clearly still deep into subspace.

"I wanna ride him," I softly say looking right at Dino who nods his head and helps me climb into Paul's lap who hisses when my wet pussy slightly touches his overworked tip.

"I'll be gentle," I tell him softly while sitting up slightly and aligning his cock with my pussy before slowly sinking down onto his cock making him hiss and moan at the sensations.

I could feel Dino lining his cock up to my ass making me whimper slightly when I could feel his lube covered cock start pushing into me.

"Dino," I whine getting louder and louder the more he pushed into me.

"Knulla," Dino moans the more he pushed into me.

Once he has fully pushed his cock fulling into me I took a few deep breaths and allowed myself to adjust to their sizes before I slowly start moving my hips making all three of us moan out instanly.

"I can feel him moving," Paul cries out letting more tears streak down his face. I lean down kissing a few of his tears away before I feel DIno instantly start fucking my ass making both Paul and I scream out at the sudden overwhelming pleasure.

"Fuck, fuck fuck," I chant out struggling to catch my breath with how fast I can feel my orgasm approaching.

"Cum, both of you," Dino grits out making Paul start fucking his hips into mine bringing me over the edge with a shout.

"Oh my God," I cry out when I feel myself start squirting my orgasm all over Paul's tummy making him groan while gripping my hips tighter.

"Please let me cum in you," Paul begs making me nod my head in approval before he falls over the edge triggering Dino to thrust deep into my ass and unleash a massive load.

Once Dino had come down from his orgasm he slowly pulls out of my ass making me whimper at the feeling before he softly hushes me with a soft kiss before placing another one on Paul's lips.

I can hear Dino starting a bath which has me sitting up and slowly pulling Paul's cock out of me before getting up and heading into the bathroom on Shakey legs.

"What the hell! I was coming back to get you," Dino says with wide eyes as I sit on the toilet and start doing my business with a shrug of my shoulders.

"I dommed tonight too, it's my duty to help him out of subspace," I reply back softly.

"Ya and we also both just split you in half, it wouldn't kill you to be taken care of a little," Dino tells me with a smile on his face. I just laugh softly back before standing up and placing a soft kiss in his lips.

"I love you," I tell him softly while wrapping my arms around his waist.

"I love you too, but I gotta go get our man. Get in that tub and be ready to cuddle him," Dino tells me making me smile and climb into the extra warm bath water. When I sink down I wait for my boyfriends to return and when they do I can't help but let out a laugh.

"Dino! Fucking hell put me down!" Paul shouts with a laugh as the slightly taller boy carries him.

"See! I told you it only works when we carry her! I never want to be carried again!" Dino laughs back referring to all the times Paul had dommed Dino and instisted on carrying him which he complained about everytime.

"Fine! I won't to it again if you put me down," Paul laughs making Dino softly place him into the bathtub before I instantly crawl into his lap. I'm sort of curled into a ball sitting sideways so I can still look at Dino while I rest my head on Paul's shoulder.

"I love you," I whisper into his neck softly while I watch a wide smile spread across his face.

"I love you too," Paul says back with the same bright smile while pulling back slightly and placing a soft kiss on my lips making me smile.

"Will you want to try it again some time?" I ask softly playing with Dino's hand that I had reached for when he sat next to the tub.

"Fuck yes," Paul breaths a laugh making me smile and squeeze Dino's hand in excitement.

"I wanna watch you dom both Dino and I together soon," Paul says making me laugh and nod.

"It's one of my favorite fantasies," I say with a smirk.

"I also want for both of us to be subs together soon too," Paul tells me softly making me nod.

"I like that we get to be this versatile," Dino says with a laugh falling from his lips.

"Keeps it interesting. Just a couple feels boring now," I say with a laugh referring to a standard 2 person relationship.

Both of the boys laugh along with me before the room fell into a comfortable conversation while we all relaxed. Once the water had ran cold Dino helped both of us out of the bath and helped us into our room turning on a moving and taking a quick shower himself.

"He left us here with a movie on like a pair of Ipad kids," Paul says making both of us bust out laughing.

[lkfarrout]

Mean (Stan x fem!Reader) 18+

Summary: At your request, Stan brings one of his special skills - putting on an act - into the bedroom

Warnings: Smut/NSFW, a little rough, some degrading dialogue, but lots of consent

18+! Minors, do not interact.

"You dirty girl, are you really gonna cum right here on my fingers?" All you could do was nod and whimper. Stan had been slowly teasing you with his hands for nearly five minutes. This wasn't exactly what you had meant when you asked him earlier if he could try to be a little mean this time, although he had the degrading tone mastered, that was undeniable.

The last several months of slow, loving, sensual sex and pet names had been amazing - but you'd seen how cocky and quick on his feet this con-man could be, and you were ready for more. Stan had been happy to oblige your request, but you were starting to consider that maybe he didn't quite understand the assignment. The meanest thing he'd done so far was not let you remove his pants after his shirt came off.

Just as his pace increased and he was about to send you over the edge, it all stopped. In one swift movement, his touch abandoned you, and he was standing, hands up in the air, with the smuggest look imaginable.

"Oh, sorry 'bout that, I'd love to keep going, but," he smirked and looked down at the very obvious bulge showing through his slacks, "somethin' came up."

You pulled yourself up into a seated position on the bed. Oh finally, here we go, you thought, barely able to contain your excitement.

Stan ran one hand through this thick gray hair and used the other to tug on the front of his, now very tight, pants. "You see what ya did to me? Got anything to say for yourself?" The terrible ache between your legs only grew as you watched him, eager to learn what sort of scenario he had concocted for you. You bit your lip to hide your smile.

With his arms now crossed, he came forward until he towered over you. You found your gaze still low, and resisted reaching for his zipper. He asked, serious as ever, "Well?"

Trying your best to look remorseful, you let out a soft, "Sorry, Stan."

You suddenly found youself looking him in the eye, as his large hand lifted your chin and he leaned in close. "That's sir to you." His stern voice juxtaposed the loving look in his eyes.

"Sorry, Sir."

He released your chin and stepped back while smiling with the corner of his mouth.

"You're sorry, huh?" He began to unbutton his pants as he spoke, and soon they were on the floor. "Why don't ya come fix what you did, if you're so sorry?"

You obediently lowed yourself onto your knees in front of his cock - it glistened with precum just inches from your face. You took it in your mouth, but not too deep. Even so, just the feeling of your tongue teasing his tip made Stan struggle to choke back a groan and stay in character. His heavy hand found it's way to your head.

"C'mon, you can suck cock better than that, can't ya?" He slowly pushed his hips into you until his entire shaft was enveloped in your lips. You closed your eyes as you bobbed forward and back, but Stan commanded, "Look at me."

Your eyes met his for only a moment before closing again -- you knew he needed an excuse to change things up, he wouldn't last much longer otherwise. His grip on your hair tightened a bit and he reiterated, "I said look at me."

You repeated your little ruse and, as expected, he pulled you up off of him.

"Don't wanna do what you're told, huh? Suit yourself." Before you knew it, he had you bent over the bed with a firm hand on your ass. Your pussy practically throbbed in anticipation of what was coming. But before you got what you wanted, Stan leaned in very close to your ear, and in a most gentle whisper asked, "You doin' okay, sweetie?" You reassured him with an eager nod. "Atta girl," he planted a soft peck on your cheek before returning to position.

"Now, I'm gonna show ya what happens when you don't listen to me." The return of his voice to the gruff, stern tone made you tremble. As he spoke, his hand made a small circle on your ass cheek. He pulled back and you gripped the sheets to brace yourself as his large palm found it's way back with a loud smack.

"You gonna do what I say now?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good girl, now get on your back for me," he helped you flip over to lay on your back, fully exposed to him as he stood at the side of the bed.

With both hands on your hips, he slid you down toward him until you could feel the length of his shaft pressed against you. A soft moan escaped you lips at the contact, and Stan immediately placed a finger over your mouth.

"Did I say you could make noise?"

You shook your head, and he gently ran his thumb along your bottom lip.

"Now suck," he commanded.

Your lips enveloped his thumb while he lined himself up and slowly thrusted his way inside of you. His now wet thumb found its way to your clit and began making small circles, while his other hand held firmly on your hip.

His girth stretched you out wonderfully and you stifled your noises, his own heavy breathing and groans making it all the more difficult to stay quiet. He pumped in and out, and as his pace increased, so did the warmth and pressure building inside you.

You decided you'd played along for long enough, and began to moan in rhythm with his movements.

As punishment, he removed his hand from your clit and placed it over your mouth instead.

"If ya want me to-- mmm," he panted, "let you finish, you have to be quiet."

He was still thrusting, however, and that was more than enough for you. You came, and as wave after wave of pleasure came over you, your muffled though audible moans fought against his heavy hand.

"I thought I told you to stay-- oh," he sighed and his voice turned soft and breathless. He removed his hand from your mouth and used it to hold himself up.

"Oh, sweetie," he thusted in one final time and you felt the hot spurt of his release inside you, "I-- I love you."

He laid beside you to catch his breath and you cuddled up on him, wrapping an arm around his chest. "I love you too, Stan."

"Sorry 'bout breaking character at the end. Other than that, how'd I do?"

"Hmmm," you pretended to think, "How about one more take?"

"Ha!" Stan let out a hearty laugh, "Ask me again tomorrow."

This was my first time writing smut, I hope it's not too cringe! I realize there's not much of a lead-up, but hey, porn without plot right?

[desiresiwant]

Something About You Chapter One

pairing: Seth Clearwater X Black!OC

word count: 6.4k~

warnings: strong language, usage of alcohol, non-con kiss, a pretty much tamed 1st chapter…for now

description: Seth Clearwater finally imprints on Diamond Hicks, someone who just isn’t looking love. While she struggles with her feelings and promises, Seth struggles to find a balance between his new and old self so he can become the wolf his imprint needs.

a/n: Been very excited and impatient to bring this fic to life, so here it is!!! I’d recommend checking out the masterlist before reading, given much has changed from the story we know. If there’s a warning I skipped let me know. P.S The beach scenes were written when it was originally taken place in a warmer month, but changed my mind and didn’t wish to rewrite anything aside from slighty changing minor details. Trust I know how cold 60 can be but it’s fiction.

MASTERLIST | NEXT ->

Chapter One | Stolen Kiss

Seattle, Washington | February 9, 2024

        𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗪𝗔𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 how Diamond wished to spend her weekend—seven weekends in a row stuck at a family-owned restaurant, cleaning chicken masala between the floor cracks because parents weren’t watching their children who have a tendency to throw whatever in their direction on the floor. 

        This was NOT the adult life Diamond looked forward to when finally leaving home to attend the University of Washington (U.W). Built in one of the cloudiest cities surrounded by endless beauty of mother nature, miles from Orlando, Florida. One of the hottest cities in one of the hottest states, cluttered with people and flashy attractions. The only similarity that felt most like home was rain.

        Never once did Diamond imagine herself so far from home, but unfortunately, U.W was the only institution to offer a full ride for track and field. She accepted immediately and officially became a Husky. 

        But it didn’t cover food, travel, personal expenses, and bills. Diamond’s mother could only send so much with other mouths to feed, being a foster mother to five other children. She knew soon enough the responsibility would be hers to bear as it normally had been.

        The easy one, her mother would describe Diamond. 

        The one who never cried, never asked for much, never made life too difficult. The one who always had to make a way because there was no one else to do it for her. And in a household filled with children every few months or years, it’s easy to forget the easy one when schedules were packed with appointments, drama, and school—which left Diamond to fulfill not only the role of an only child, which that she was, but a parent too.

        Moving to an unfamiliar environment added to that lonesome feeling, but it was also a fresh breath of air. Therapeutic even. 

        Diamond tossed the last thick lump of sauce-covered napkins in the bucket filled with the rest of the meal. Apparently, the mop was broken and the owner’s hard-headed son left to buy a new mop, yet it’s been hours since he returned. It seems he prioritized his Friday night plans, which his parents were heavily against. Something about catching a movie with friends, a harmless movie Mr. Devgn feared would install unhealthy mindsets. 

        Something Diamond should’ve been doing if she hadn’t canceled plans to pick up an extra shift. 

        Mrs. Devgn caught sight of Diamond heading back and perked from her seat behind the register, pausing the drama she was watching on her phone. “Thank you for handling that mess and staying a bit late. When it gets crazy on the weekends, I know we can count on you to come through.” She said and then frowned at her sauce-covered fingers. “I’m sorry you had to clean bare-headed. Karan should be back any second now with that mop.”

        Diamond bit back her scoff. That boy wasn’t coming back and everyone knew it too. “It’s not a problem. At least it wasn’t piping hot.”

        “Oh, god, no! That would be a disaster!”

        Ayra, the Devgn’s third child, appeared through the red curtains with a scoff. “Karan’s not coming back, ma. You picked the wrong child for errands. We all know he’s watching that R-rated movie Baba said no to.”

        Mrs. Devgn smacked her shoulder, knocking out the AirPod hidden beneath her hair that she was secretly listening to music on. “Don’t let your father hear.” She whispered, peeking over her shoulder for her husband nowhere in sight. “He’s already in a pissy mood dealing with your other brother and his costly habits. Go take make yourself useful and take them drinks to table three.”

        “You said I could ring!” Ayra pouted.

        “Go!”

        Ayra couldn’t defy Mrs. Devgn stern look, daring her child to challenge her authority. She flung her head back with a dragged groan before taking the tray of drinks to table three. 

        “Don’t let me hold you up, Diamond. You wash up and take your lunch. I warmed you a plate. It's in the break room since I didn’t trust David and his sticky fingers.”

        “You don’t have to make me lunch every time, Mrs. Devgn. I appreciate it but I don’t want you overworking yourself.”

        Mrs. Devgn waved her off. “All my employees must eat. Plus you’re an athlete and so far from home, I know you’re not eating enough home-cooked meals. Now go, wash wash and eat.”

        She sat comfortably in her chair and resumed her show.

        Diamond knew this wasn’t a fight she could win and Mrs. Devgn was right; she hadn’t eaten enough home-cooked meals. Mostly takeout and cheap ramen. Between classes, practices, and work, exhaustion remained a constant component when it came to cooking and oftentimes cleaning.

        After dumping the bucket and washing her hands, Diamond sat at the mini table in the break room and ate her lamb and chicken bowl mixed in silence. She scrolled through her phone catching up with everyone else’s life on Instagram, imagining herself in their shoes. Taking weekend trips out of the country, getting front-row seats at a concert, splurging money on shopping sprees with friends, and going on cute little dates with a significant other.

        The kind of thrill Diamond should be experiencing especially during her sophomore year in college, away from her mom and her old life. This was the time to start a new life and create new and better memories outside her usual routine…yet had no idea where to start. And was nearly two years late.

        A call paused the story Diamond was currently watching and saw it was her roommate Renesmee calling. She quickly swallowed what was left in her mouth before picking up. “Hey, what’s u—”

        “What are you doing and please don’t tell me you’re working?” Renesmee asked as soon as the line connected.

        Diamond looked around the small room that smelt heavily of her food clashing with other scents from the kitchen. She debated lying to her friend, but what’s the point when she somehow always knew when she was lying?

        Her shoulders fell with defeat as she confirmed, “I’m working. I picked up an extra shift so I won’t be home until eleven-ish, maybe midnight.”

        “God, no, Diamond! Why did you say yes to working late on a Friday night?”

        “I…need the money,” Diamond replied as if it wasn’t obvious in the first place. “Some people aren’t born with golden spoons like you, Nes.” 

        From the time she’s known Renesmee since Diamond’s previous roommate dropped out two weeks within the first semester—who was quite literally the nicest and selfless person ever met, whose grandmother occasionally cooked meals and stuffed the pantries with everything found in a grocery store—it was clear her wealth was out of the question. She was always seen with the latest technology, the rarest edition of purses and shoes, and clothes from unheard-of brands, made from raw material that needed to be washed a certain way. Her side of the room was straight out of a Pinterest board compared to Diamond’s side which had all that she needed and a poster of her favorite movie. She had pictures in her gallery from all over the world. She even owned an expensive car that would take Diamond two generations to pay off, and could only imagine the price of her house she goes back to every break. 

        Working wasn’t a word in Renesmee’s vocabulary, but she was a hard-working student. Always up studying while Diamond crashed out in bed. Sometimes it felt like Renesmee was wasting her time in college by how quickly her mind soaked up information. When she’s bored, she’s reading. When she’s about to sleep, she’s reading. When she’s in a good mood, she’s reading. And it wasn’t silly romance or epic fantasies, but thick nonfiction books that gave Diamond a headache, she enjoyed for regular entertainment.

        “You’re right. I should be mindful of others' situations and I apologize if I came off ignorant.” Renesmee’s apology would’ve caught Diamond off guard if it wasn’t a usual occurrence. Being wrong and taking accountability was nothing she feared. “But I really needed you off today or at least out by six.”

        Diamond paused. “How’d you know I was originally off today?”

        “You write your schedule color-coded on the calendar pinned above your bed, silly. Quite literally hard to miss.”

        “Oh…right.” Her face heated in embarrassment and picked at a piece of shredded lamb before plopping it in her mouth. “So what’s happening at six?”

        “Technically it happens later, but remember my aunt I told you about? The psychic one? Yeah, well, I asked her to look into your future—“

        “Now why would you do that?”

        “You’re my roommate…and my first college friend. I wanted to make sure you’ll stay in my life forever, or however long life gives. Soft spoiler—I overacted over nothing.” Her nervous chuckle failed to comfort herself, admitting words Diamond found hard to believe. 

        Her first college friend? Renesmee was always surrounded by people on campus. Of course, when her boyfriend Jacob wasn’t there to scare everyone away with one look. 

        But the feeling was mutual. Although Renesmee wasn’t Diamond’s first friend in college, she valued their friendship and wanted it to last. The soft spoiler confused her though. 

        Renesmee’s chippy personality came back to life. “Anyway, I asked her to look into your future and she told me something life-changing will happen tonight.” She mused.

        “If it’s Karan coming back with a mop, tell her it’s already too late.” Diamond said into another bite.

        “I have no idea who that is but he has nothing to do with tonight.”

        “You know I don’t believe in that shit, Nes. I gave up wishing on a star and learned to accept reality, or whatever form of reality I choose to accept.”

        She sighed. “I know, but you gotta trust me on this one.”

        “Why?”

        Silence filled the line but not for too long.

        “I can’t say just yet, it’ll spoil the future but trust me. You’ve been ranting about how boring and lonely your life has been since moving to Seattle, wanting to spice it up and meet new people. And I get it, it's not like Florida, but this will change everything. It’s exactly what you need and have been searching for.” She said and there was noise in the background. Faded music, shouting voices, and lots of thick wind. “Come down to La Push. There’s a bonfire happening with lots of hot guys from university and drinks, and the beach—which you’ve said you miss. I can also really use the company of my friend. Please come! Please, please !”

        La Push? 

        That was the exact plan Diamond turned down when a few members on the track team asked if she would pop out. Because Mrs. Devgn asked first about the shift, she declined the outing. This had to be a coincidence. A crazy one that was four damn hours away.

        “La Push is nearly four hours away for one. Two, It’s cold as hell. Three, I don’t have a car and Ubering there in this economy is probably over two hundred dollars. Money I’m not tryna spend over she-say.”

        “Not a problem! I’ll Venmo you the money. The cold never bothered you anyway, the bonfire will keep you warm if you get cold.”

        “I can’t take that from you.” Diamond shut down quickly.

        “Why not? There’s more where it came from, remember? Golden spoon.”

        “I don’t wanna be indebted to you.”

        “What debt? I’m inviting you so I should be the one to take care of the expenses. I promise it’s okay. You don’t need to pay me back.” There was a short pause on the line because Renesmee came back. “Scratch that—pay me back by coming. I’ll hold it over your head if you don’t.”

        Diamond never met this aunt Renesmee constantly brought up and chatted with on the phone, or maybe she had and didn’t know with the many people her roommate attracted like a moth to light. But one thing was certain, she made one hell of a case. 

        Her life has been boring maintaining the same sleep-work-practice-homework schedule, and never felt more alone than she had when first arriving in Washington. Diamond wouldn’t consider herself a borderline introvert, but she would never go out her way to introduce herself to strangers unless it was necessary. Unlike those fortunate enough to link with another upon first meeting, Diamond needed time to warm up to someone. Only then could she be her unfiltered self. But because of those limits she was hesitant to push has caused her life to spiral into uncertainty and unfulfilled satisfaction. 

        Aside from her job, Diamond had nothing to lose. If her roommate’s supposedly psychic aunt swore down this night would change the trajectory of her sad life, then the risk—including the freezing weather and the four-hour long drive—was worth it. 

         “Fine. I’ll come to this stupid bonfire and see what the hype is about.” Diamond agreed and had to hold the phone away from Renesmee squealing with excitement.

        “Thank you! I’ve already sent the money. Come as fast as you can, I’ll see you here!”

————————————-

      𝗗𝗜𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗢𝗢𝗞 𝗕𝗔𝗖𝗞 𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗔𝗜𝗗 𝗕𝗘𝗙𝗢𝗥𝗘. The cost to Uber to La Push wasn’t worth the risk and she dreaded the price of heading back to U.W. Even though Renesmee didn’t mind covering the cost, two hundred was still a lot and four hours spent on the road for a word of mouth was delusion at its finest. Hopefully, she could catch a ride back with Renesmee since they were roommates; anything to save money and the installed mindset of feeling indebted even toward genuine acts of kindness.

        The parking lot was overfilled with cars packed with party-goers like sardines, dragging their friends to race across the sand and meet others dancing around multiple lit bonfires and scattered tents. Diamond removed her shoes and socks to bury her toes in the cool white sand. She closed her eyes and inhaled the salty dry breeze. It reminded her of Florida aside from the cold, home she missed very much. 

        “Diamond! You made it!” 

        Diamond opened her eyes to Renesmee running toward her in a royal blue two-piece bathing suit with a black sheer cover-up tied around her waist. Her long brunette hair danced with the wind, and she had the biggest smile on her pale face with her arms stretched out, knocking Diamond slightly off her feet when she came crashing against her. 

        Diamond hugged her back with a warm laughter as she balanced herself and Renesmee apologized. She was almost convinced her friend matched her height until she realized Renesmee was lifting on her toes. Not that she was much taller, only an inch or two apart.

        “I’m so happy you’re here! You’re in for one hell of a night.” Renesmee pulled away from the hug first, radiating indescribably youth and beauty.

        “I would hope so since that’s why I’m here.”

        She shook her head with a knowing smile. “How were you able to get off early? I thought your boss was strict on busy days?”

        “They are, but I lied. Said I was feeling queasy. My boss offered ginger tea and wanted me to wait it out and see how I felt after a while, but ultimately let me go home. Speaking of which, I am riding back with you right?”

        “Of course. I would never leave you here stranded though, I doubt you’ll leave with me after tonight anyway.” Her dark arched brows wiggled, hinting at whatever her supposedly psychic aunt saw in Diamond’s future.

        A gift she still refused to believe as it was impossible to see the future and Renesmee had a weird sense of humor. Anything said out of her mouth couldn't be trusted on rare occasions especially when speaking about her insanely wealthy family. Aside from that, she’s very honest for the most part. 

        “Oh, I definitely will be leaving with you without a doubt.”

        Renesmee shook her head, chuckling. Then she wrapped an arm around Diamond’s and pulled her toward the coolers near the grills flipping over burgers and hot dogs. They popped open two cool bottles of strawberry seagrams. The fizzled fruity taste was more like soda than alcohol, a drink easily finished and grabbed for another round. Mango flavor this time. 

        “I know that’s not Diamond all the way out here? Outside and at a party?” Before she could turn and see who called her out, an arm threw itself around her neck, pulling on her braids. “You said you were picking up an extra shift and couldn’t make it. You lying bitch!”

        Diamond knew it was Kimi, her track teammate. She had rich russet skin and wide-set expressive eyes. Her dark loose curls were thrown in a messy bun, dressed in jean shorts and a hot pink bikini top, showing off her athletic figure. Next to her was Tayen, also another track teammate. She had dyed her hair pink but the color had dulled and her roots were growing in black. Neither opposed the chilly weather and treated it like a regular sunny day.

        Renesmee spoke up before Diamond could. “That’s because I convinced her to put herself over her job. It’s also her first time in La Push so treat her nice.”

        Tayen clasped a hand against Diamond’s shoulder after she was freed from Kimi as if commencing her first experience. “Welcome to La Push and our humbly reservation home to the Quileute tribe, which is open to all who respect our land, culture, and people.”

        Kimi leaned forward, covering her mouth as she whispered, “between me and you, this is only a step into the reservation. If you truly want a taste of our enriching culture—my culture as a Makah, I would speak to the elders. God knows they love sharing a good story about our guiding spirits, ancient legends, and whatnot.”

        “I’ll consider it, thank you.” Diamond said, sipping her drink and tightening her tote bag on her shoulder. She had no idea where her tribe was located but it didn’t dull the excitement to learn about it and more. 

        “Don’t pressure her, Kimi,” Tayen chuckled. “She’s always migrating people to her grandma so she doesn’t have to sit and listen to her talk off her ear.” 

        Kimi playfully shoved Tayen aside to defend herself and this vile accusation that gave Diamond and Renesmee a good laugh. “Hey, she loves fresh new faces! She’s practically forcing me to bring people home even if I gotta kidnap them and drag them across the damn border.”

        Renesmee threw out a protective arm, guiding Diamond behind her. “No one’s kidnapping my roommate so don’t even think about it. I promised to get her home in one piece.”

        Kimi lifted her hands in defeat, finally backing off.

        Renesmee turned to Diamond and took in her attire. “I hope you’re not planning on getting wet in jeans?” She asked and her brows furrowed in confusion. 

        “It’s sixty degrees…?”

        “That’s what the bonfire and alcohol is for, track star. We've ran in colder conditions. You’ll warm up in no time.” Tayen said, which was true. This weather was nothing to her but a different kind of cold compared to Florida. Shorts were still acceptable clothing during Florida’s chilly days, but in Washington, shorts was basically signing a death wish.

        “You did bring a bathing suit, right?” Asked Renesmee. “Where’s your bag?”

        “What bag? I left work straight here,” she chewed her bottom lip, motioning toward her plain black jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. “This is all I have.”

        Renesmee kissed her teeth. “I told you to bring a bag. It’s beach night! Every couple of months the reservation hosts a beach party open to the public. There’s fun activities, movies, music, games, and the only few opportunities we can stay on the beach and sleep in cute tents without being fined.”

        “That’s not what you told me.” Diamond said. “You told me to show up so I assumed this was a few hours type situation then we drive back, not an overnight thing. Why didn’t you tell me all this when we were on the phone? You know I know nothing about this state besides U.W. let alone bonfire night in a city I’ve never been to.”

        Her eyes narrowed with guilt. “Oh. It must’ve slipped my mind when I got too excited about you coming. I’m sorry.”

        Of course, Diamond wasn’t mad at her roommate. It was an honest mistake. “It’s fine. I just don’t have anything else to wear, and I’m not particularly fond of swimming in ice-cold water. I’m unprepared which I don’t like being. But I guess I can participate for the night.”

        Another risk she was willing to take.

        “Okay, don’t panic ladies, I brought extra bathing suits. You’re free to borrow either one and any other stuff needed for tonight. There’s also plenty of shops in Forks too.” Kimi and the rest offered to chip in to ensure a smooth night. 

        Kimi was already guiding Diamond away from the beach and from Tayen and Renesmee to her small black car in the parking lot.

        She changed in the backseat while Kimi kept watched, and talked Diamond’s ear off about various topics. Most were of those she hadn’t met, coach being a pain in the ass last practice, homework due tonight that she hadn’t started on; and had even proposed Diamond should share a tent with her and Tayen since Renesmee would obviously be sleeping with her boyfriend, to which Diamond agreed. She didn’t want to impose on their lovey-doveyness. It would be awkward too. The two were inseparable.

        The strapless one-piece was a little loose around the chest area but it was a perfect fit. They wore the same size in clothes though Kimi was more muscular with bigger breasts and wider hips as opposed to Diamond with both the thighs and the ass but somewhat smaller breasts. She tied her small-sized braids back from her face and shoved her clothes into her tote bag before getting out. 

        Renesmee was spotted with her boyfriend Jacob as they were walking back to the beach. Tayen was nowhere to be found, nothing out of the ordinary. There were a lot more shirtless men than there were before. All long-haired, muscular, with a tribal tattoo on their arm much similar to Jacob's if not the same. And all unaffected by the chilly weather.

        Jacob had his arms wrapped around her slim body, reaching over her shoulder to bite into the chili hotdog Renesmee was feeding him. She squealed when chili kept dropping on her, so he struck out his tongue and licked wherever it fell along her skin. 

        Diamond wasn’t aware of the creepy smile on her face until her cheeks were aching. Renesmee and Jacob were disgustingly cute together, practically meant to be. Their warm interaction highlighted the loneliness weighing her heart. They had the type of love Diamond wanted to experience someday if life allowed it to happen.

         She hadn’t the best experience with love. She hadn’t even been in a relationship before or surpassed the talking stage. Most was due to her priorities with track and solidifying her career so she wouldn’t end up like her mother, stuck in the same neighborhood she was raised in. Comfortable with nothing and too afraid to feed on any inner ambition. 

        But also because the wanna-be men in her life weren’t looking for a partner but a replacement for their mother.

        And while Diamond was content by herself with friends, she still hoped to live out that first love fantasy in time.

        “Oh, Diamond! Kimi! You’re back already.” With a gasp, Renesmee placed the half-eaten hotdog back on the plate and tried to pull free from Jacob but his arms kept her secure against his broad chest.

        She slapped his arms, but it didn’t stop his tongue from grazing up her neck and reaching her earlobe. Her cheeks burned bright red as he muttered something that only she could hear unless it was the fire casting its glow.

        Kimi gagged as if she heard him. “You guys are disgusting.”

        “Jacob!” Renesmee giggled, hitting him again. “You’re so—let me go! We’re in company.”

        “They don’t mind.” He said while kissing along the rim of her ear. Renesmee rolled her eyes, yet didn’t stop him this time.

        “I mind. Plus you reek of outside!”

        “You never minded it.”

        Renesmee said nothing, proving his point.

        Kimi looked past the couple and stood straight when someone or something caught her attention. “Hi, Edward!” She greeted the mass of people with a wave Diamond was unable to pinpoint. 

        Jacob immediately ripped himself off Renesmee and composed himself into a respectable man any woman would bring home to meet her family. No longer the horny man whispering nonsense in his girlfriend’s ear, who also pushed herself from her boyfriend. The quick action caused the hotdog to slip off the paper plate. She adjusted her bikini top before pushing her voluminous hair over her shoulders to cover her chest. 

        Kimi’s face deepened a dark color of red, her lips pressed tight and her cheeks were inflated with air as she struggled to contain her laughter. It was then when the couple looked back to nothing that she couldn’t hold it anymore and laughed in their faces.

        Jacob kissed his teeth while pushing back his short dark hair. “You play too damn much. He’s not even allowed on our land without permission.”

        “Yet you still fell for you.” Kimi hugged her stomach, laughing still. Jacob jumped at her and she flinched, but it didn’t stop her laughter.

        “Edward?” Diamond questioned while slipping on her jacket. The name sounded familiar but couldn’t be sure since her roommate talked about people often when Diamond’s just getting back from practice so their names mush together.

        “My d—my cousin. You’ve met him before, remember? Tall and moody with bright eyes.” Renesmee knelt to pick up the sandy hotdog and placed it on the plate which Jacob took from her to toss out. 

        “Ah right.”

        Diamond did remember her cousin, Edward. He visited every once in a while with his wife, Bella. They often took Renesmee out on weekly dinners that would last for hours or even days and had her coming back to the dorm at odd hours. They were nice and welcoming and Edward even once guessed a thought on Diamond’s mind before she said it. 

        Though it’s strange because while they weren’t Renesmee’s parents, whom she had never met, as young as they were, their interactions were far from cousins and more parental. Their appearances alone were uncanny especially when compared to Bella. The two of them were constantly hitting her line. 

        “Jacob, you remember Diamond?” Renesmee changed the subject when Jacob returned with another hotdog.

        He extended his hand toward Diamond which she took. “The roommate, of course. We always meet in awkward situations.”

        “We do.” Oftentimes when the couple were engaging in sexual activities. Renesmee forgets to give Diamond a heads up or put something on the door, which sucked on days when she couldn’t wait to rot in bed after studies.

        “We should change that. I hear so much about you from Nessy, I feel we’re already the best of friends.” It came out as a tease directed to his girlfriend who didn’t mind him. Her attention was fixated on their surroundings, scanning the crowd as if searching for danger. 

        “Likewise and we should.” Diamond agreed. Her reply sounded as awkward as it was. Jacob wasn’t a stranger in a sense but they weren’t close on any level and their only connection was Renesmee.

        “Anyway, I’m glad you could make it. Tonight will be a festive of activities so don’t be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and let loose.”

        Diamond was starting to look forward to tonight aside from whatever the future held. The alcohol kept her warm as well as the bonfire they stood by, feeling herself loosen up. She needed a break from her usual routine—fresh air.

        “Why you’re back so early from patrol?” Kimi asked out of nowhere and Diamond felt their eyes on her for reasons she didn’t care to analyze. 

        Her attention was captured by a fifteen year old girl playing in the water with a boy who looked around her age, possibly a bit older. He would howl like a wolf and beat his chest like a monkey, his short curly hair gone with the wind with his tattoo—just like Jacob—on display. The girl covered her face in embarrassment and splashed water on him with her other hand, causing him to rush after her. 

        They weren’t the only cute couple in the mix of locals and drunk college students, existing as if only they existed. Jacob and this guy weren’t the only ones showing off this particular tribal tattoo, though it seemed those with it were occupied by a romantic partner. It was like it was an initiation before getting into a relationship.

        Jacob ran a hand through his short hair, a stressful sigh filling his lungs as he spoke. “Something’s wrong with Seth.” At this, Kimi panicked and bombarded Jacob with hordes of questions that he had to lift his hand to quiet her so he could continue. “Seth’s fine. He’s as healthy as the rest of us, but we had to cut patrolling short because he needed to come back.”

         “Why?” Kimi inquired and Jacob shrugged.

        “Who the fuck knows. It’s Seth. His mind was distracted and the p—” A quick look in Diamond’s direction was noted. “—the group struggled to concentrate, so I allowed him to return. But I got worried and followed behind to check on him and ensure he hadn’t knocked his head somewhere. He’s acting stranger than usual.”

        So were they, but Diamond didn’t question anything outwardly.

        Kimi sighed with relief upon hearing this. “That’s Seth for you. My cousin’s always been a little weird since I can remember. He’s probably hungry.” She chuckled and everyone but Diamond, who didn’t know this person or what he was like, agreed. 

        “Probably so, it sounds like him for sure. But if Seth is in any kind of trouble I’ll be the first to know, so don’t go alerting Sue or your sister Emily yet.” Jacob pulled Renesmee closer to his side with an arm around her waist. She molded against him, a perfect fit. They were like magnets; unable to go a moment without physical contact.

        Kimi tilted back her head to drink the rest of her bottle, only to quickly realize it was emptied. “I need another well-deserved drink after breaking my track record by nine seconds. Diamond, let’s leave these lovebirds to their disgusting conversation.”

        Renesmee playfully rolled her eyes. “Our conversation is pretty tamed compared to others.”

        “Yes, and I’m never free from them when we’re together.”

        Diamond did agree to go with Kimi for another drink, leaving Renesmee behind with her boyfriend who wanted her to remain close. She was in need of another drink, unable to put down the seagrams, and in need of food—something to snack on since Mrs. Devgn’s cooking hit the spot. There were more leftovers, tied in a plastic bag shoved in her purse that hung heavy on her shoulder. 

        Opting for two little bags of chips, Renesmee was overheard telling Jacob something he needed to know regarding Seth. But instead of outright telling him with words, Diamond watched as her hand caressed his muscular arm in a prolonged manner, starting from his wrist. No words were exchanged the entire time but Jacob’s eyes snapped in Diamond’s direction with shock. She tore away her gaze toward Kimi pouring herself a drink from a questionable clothed bottle. However it was too late since they knew she was watching.

        “Are you sure?” His question carried far, and Diamond could now feel their gazes burning holes through her head. It made her self-conscious for some reason. 

        Like they knew this bathing suit wasn’t a perfect fit, or she’s had way too many seagrams and didn’t save any for everyone else, or there was something on her face no one was telling her about, or something worse. 

        Jacob shook his head with a chuckle. “That explains everything. Sue will faint once she hears of this.” He responded to Renesmee whose voice hadn’t been heard at all.

        But the strangest part—which had nothing to do with Diamond—was how they communicated without words. Spot on as if they were reading each other’s minds. It wasn’t the first she caught her roommate conversing in that manner, and by the looks of it, it wouldn’t be the last. 

        Kimi returned with her red cup filled with a brown-like substance and offered the cup to Diamond. “Wanna sip? This is the real shit you can’t just buy from any local booze store. This batch takes our elders over forty years to brew, traditions that've been passed down for centuries. Could even be called a potion.”

        Diamond took the cup and sniffed it. The strong smell forced her head back and cleared her throat as it burned through her nostrils and down her throat. “What’s in it?” She asked while fighting to control her expression so as not to offend anyone. The smell only caught her off guard.

        “Never asked, never cared.” She shrugged. The hype music had her swaying her hips and mouthing lyrics to the wrong part of the song. “Fair warning though, it’ll have you so fucked up you’ll be dining with Jesus himself.”

        Diamond handed back the cup. “No thanks. I’m not tryna dine with a dead man in a place I’ve never been before with people I’m meeting for the first time. That’s a crime scene waiting to happen.”

        “A sip won’t do much but have you light-headed and warm. Few more sips will have you lightly fucked up, but it’ll all wear off in a few hours or so. No pressure though.”

        Kimi added the last part in case she was coming off too strong. Diamond didn’t feel like being light-headed for a few hours, but her curiosity got the best of her. She also didn’t want to turn down a drink with history behind it that Kimi willingly shared. It was an experience she wouldn’t have again.

        She took the cup and did her best not to smell it while taking a sip bigger than expected. Its bitter taste burned down Diamond’s throat immediately upon contact, forcing her to cough like a mad woman. The alcohol left a strange sweet aftertaste. 

        “What the fuck?” Diamond heaved.

        Kimi took the cup before anything spilled. “Yeah,” she chuckled while rubbing Diamond’s back, agreeing with her reaction. “It gets better after a few times.”

        “I’m barely surviving my first time.”

        “You’re doing better than most.”

        Diamond decided then to stick with her seagrams especially when her environment started tilting. She grabbed onto Kimi’s arm to level herself. She knew what she was getting herself into but didn’t expect one sip to affect her like this. More like she didn’t believe Kimi, which she described as a potion.

        Kimi was looking over Diamond’s shoulder when she squealed right into her ear. “Speak of the Devil, there goes little Seth.” 

        She waved behind Diamond and she turned to see an attractive guy heading toward their direction from what she could make out through her tilting environment. He appeared tall from the distance growing shorter and was one of the few who wore a shirt. A plain sleeveless gray shirt that hung at the side and showcased his tribal tattoo, as well as his well-built figure. Not big and bulky like the rest of the men, neither was he lanky and thin. His curly long hair was tied messily back with loose strands shaping his youthful face, and his russet-colored skin glowed beneath the moonlight.

        He was cute. 

        It didn’t hit Diamond that she was staring him down, unable to look away when their eyes met. Like some weird mystical force refusing her to look elsewhere until she forcefully ripped away her gaze—way too fast that she gripped Kimi’s arm tighter to steady herself from falling over. Fuck this drink was strong.

        Kimi didn’t mind being used as a rest stop since it was her drink she offered. She assured Diamond she was okay and her symptoms were normal, but if something didn’t feel right to alert her immediately. She felt fine for now.

        But when glancing back at the guy, supposedly Seth, chills scorned her arms because he looked at Diamond, as if she was the only woman to exist in his world. His surroundings weren’t of his concern.

        She looked away again. 

        Kimi stepped forward when he was within feet. “Seth, you alright? Jacob told me you weren’t feeling—” She was pushed passed and Diamond knew he was standing directly in front of her.

        “Um…” She stepped back, unsure what this man wanted and why he stopped directly in front of her when his cousin called for him. “Hi? Can I help you?”

        A firm arm slid around Diamond’s back, his hand cupping her chin, brushing his thumb along her glossy lips. Diamond flinched at his heated touch, nearly feverish. He lifted her face to meet his strucken gaze displaying a range of emotions. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, taking in every detail of her face. “I love you already.”

        Diamond opened her mouth to protest but was fed her words when the stranger leaned forward to capture her lips. Her pulse quickened when he took a chance to deepen the kiss further when her lips parted in shock. The kiss didn’t have a consistent rhythm. In truth, it was sloppy, possibly due to Diamond struggling to participate against an eager kisser taking everything for himself. Though she wasn’t one to speak.

        This was her first official kiss. Minus kissing games back in freshman year in high school that were quick and short due to shyness and not having enough players.

        And this stranger stole it. 

        Diamond quickly came to her senses and lifted both her hands—one filled with the bags of chips—and pushed at his broad chest. He was much stronger than he looked, it was like pushing at a rock. He immediately tore himself off once deciphering her attempt.

        “What the fuck is your problem?” There was not one inch of guilt on his face and it pissed her off. 

        So she slapped him. 

        Hard.

𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔

𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆

If you like what you read and wish to read more of this fic, you can read more here

[k-evans-reads]

The Spare

We do NOT give permission for our works to be reuploaded, translated, or reposted on any other site. Our work is our own.

Summary: When Princess Rosie unexpectedly is thrust into a political tour of the country, a working-class Air Force Captain is assigned to be her pilot. Although the princess is unhappy about the decision, she realizes she’s stepping into unknown territory when the unexpected happens

Intro l Main Masterlist | The Spare Masterlist

By @k-evans-writes and @ourfinest-hour

Word Count: 5,672

The door shut firmly behind the Princess’ Private Secretary, leaving the four highest-ranking members of the Royal Family in the oversized room alone. An uneasy silence lingered past the echo’s reverberation, only adding to Rosalie’s anxiety. She shifted on the plush cushion, running her hand along and smoothing her skirt as she cleared her throat and looked towards her father, asking, “What did you hear from the doctor? Do they know for sure what’s going on?”

The prim-and-proper King was unusually disheveled, wearing a wrinkled dress shirt, bare feet, and unstyled hair. It was always ingrained in the Royal Family from a young age that they were to uphold the image, the one of privilege, beauty, and elegance. She could still remember from a young age the uncomfortable hours on end she’d stand straight at parades, waving and smiling at each cheering member of the public as her feet ached and cried for relief. But as the years went on, the more strict the rules would become. Seeing the vast juxtaposition of the way her father looked now only reminded her how serious this was.

Her brow arched as she took her father’s appearance in more - the heaviness in his expression, the rigidity of his frown, the hunch of his shoulders. “They’re still looking into things further but what they know for sure is that it was a heart attack,” King Joseph began, pausing as his eyes danced over the portraits of their ancestors hanging from the walls around them. Then, Rosie felt a pang of sympathy as the familiar mask slipped over Joseph, as if an outsider or staffer walked into the room - the way the tension and strain left his body in a microsecond as he sat up straight, his frown leaving his face. “They think I’ll be fine but I probably do need some time to recover.”

A soft tut echoed from her mother’s lips - one that barely toed the line of daring to challenge him - before Genevieve gently corrected his words to their children, “No, they told him he had to have time to recover.”

Rosie’s head turned to look at James as he opened his mouth, but then took a beat then let out a breath as he delicately asked, “So what does that look like?”

The tension returned to Joseph’s body and in Rosalie’s stomach as reality set in for everyone. Everyone knew that this was a lot more than just a family worried about their father’s health, it meant so much for them and the country and she couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in her stomach as he answered, “Probably a month off completely.” The King admitted unhappily to the Prince and Princess. Subconsciously, her posture straightened as his eyes landed on her, and she avoided the desire to avert her eyes under his occasionally-scrutinizing gaze. “Which would mean that I do need you to take over my duties during that time, and Rosalie, I will need you to officially take James’ spot on the tour. I know you were hoping that you wouldn’t have to fill in but I am going to need you.”

“It’s fine, we want to do what we can to help you recover,” she began, pausing as she struggled with how to word her concerns. Navigating a relationship with her father had always been a little bit difficult when they had moments that were more normal and familial and others that were all business. Royal life may have been hailed as glamorous and exciting, but Rosie knew how complicated and burdensome it could be. At times they felt like a real family, loving and caring for one another and having honest conversations but other times, they had to stay restrained, knowing that no matter what, the crown always came first. The truth of the matter was that - at times - her father’s role and actions intimidated her. Rarely did she have the loving paternal figure at her side as a child, more often under the care of the Palace nannies while her parents fulfilled their roles. Her thumbs itched to fiddle nervously but she restrained herself, instead finally asking, “What are we going to do about touring the coast with all the protests going on? Are we cutting that out?”

The King nodded, his lips pursed as he sprung into what was likely an already prepared response, “Well I think-”

But Genevieve rested her hand on the King’s arm, causing him to cut off as she reminded him, “No, you need to let James decide. He’s the one who’s taking on your duties, remember?”

A huff of air left his lips as he nodded shortly. “You’re right,” he conceded. “James, what do you want to do?”

The eldest was quiet for a long beat, his fingers tapping lightly on the plush arm of the couch. He stared straight ahead as he thought, his eyes landing on one of the portraits as well until his gaze turned to her, asking, “Rosie, do you have thoughts?”

A smirk appeared on her lips as she looked at James, catching the amusement in his eyes at the action. “Cancel the tour and don’t make me go,” she muttered playfully, ignoring the frustrated sigh from both of her parents.

“Very funny,” James chided, lightly elbowing Rosie in the hip as her father stared at her plainly.

But Rosie shook her head, her eyes staring at James. “You know I’m not kidding,” she reminded him. She shrugged her shoulders, her eyes quickly moving over her father before she looked at James again, remembering her earlier conversations with him about their younger sister. “I do terrible on these things anyway, I think Annie should go instead.”

Quickly, the King interrupted the siblings, declaring, “That’s not happening, Anneliese is too young and inexperienced.”

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, Rosie thought back to how different things had been for Annie as compared to herself and James’ childhoods. While Rosie and James spent much of their adolescence bouncing in and out of boarding schools, then stepping into international tours accompanied by the King and Queen, Annie had it different. She often was left behind at home, seen as “too young” while her siblings juggled their prestigious and elite schooling with the duties of active royals, despite their adolescence. There’d always been this double standard, and while she would do anything to keep Annie as far from the machine of Royal life, she wished she had the same choice for herself.

James simply arched an eyebrow, looking at the King and reminding him, “Aren’t I making the decisions here?”

But Joseph scowled, pointing out, “Well I haven’t heard you make one yet.”

Several beats of silence passed, the tension rising between James, Rosie, and Joseph. Finally, James huffed out a breath, running his hand over his shirt. “….Rosie you have to go,” he murmured, avoiding her eyes.

There was silence for a moment and Rosie could see how pleased James’ decision made their father. But despite that, she could see the struggle in James’ face as he contended with putting his sister or her duty first. “If we cut out the coastline visits though, then it would only be a month,” she began quietly, watching James carefully. “We would avoid the protests, and then I’d be back and dad can do the rest once he’s better. This seems like a great solution.”

Both father and son rolled their eyes at Rosie’s insistence in getting her way. She was steadfast in the fact that for four years now, she’d done more than her fair share of public service - spending more time on airplanes, trains, ships, and in cars than in her own bed. She’d missed so much, she missed her friends, getting to focus her efforts on her charity outreaches, and getting to see Annie grow into the young woman she was now. But despite that, it seemed no one else realized the toll covering for James and Joseph had taken on her.

“More like a great way of you getting out of this,” James retorted, his voice barely louder than the crackle of the fire next to them and the echo of footsteps passing by outside the closed door.

But Rosie’s brows furrowed at James’ words, frustration rising as her opinion continued to be ignored. “When James got back I was supposed to finally get a break,” she reminded them, her voice quiet but firm. And that had been the deal - she had graduated from university, then was thrown into four years of public duty with no downtime to breathe, all so James could serve in the Air Force. Any time she brought up needing a few days to herself, it had always been “Once James is home, you can… you’ll have all the time you need.” It seemed as though that promise was not only empty, but had been forgotten.

But the look in her father’s eyes showed Rosie that he remembered that promise - and yet he was continuing to break his word. “I’m sorry Rosalie,” he began, pausing delicately before adding, “But the positive of me being less visible while I recover is that it gives you the chance to be more involved.”

A scoff escaped Rosie’s lips and she didn’t care to stop it, letting her anger rise a bit. “What have I been doing the last four years, then?” She asked incredulously.

“You’ve been standing in James’ place and in his shadow but this is your chance to be Princess Rosalie, all on her own and be who you are, not fulfilling James’ role,” Joseph tried to reason with her, and she arched a single brow at him. Standing on her own, outside of James’ shadow?! As much as they all liked to pretend it wasn’t the case, she’d always been and always would be in his shadow. The first-born, golden child of Ellington. She’d never hold it against him, but she didn’t think there was a single conversation she’d ever had with anyone, whether other dignitaries, tutors, or acquaintances, where James wasn’t brought up despite his absence. When you’re constantly reminded of being the second-best, the spare, and the insurance when compared to the eldest, who had their own miserable circumstances as well. It was all impossible, and it seemed Rosie stepped on the Palace’s lines much more than anyone had in the past.

Heavy was the head that wore the crown, but the pressure forced upon Rosie seemed to rival it, even on the best days.

“I think we all know I can’t be who I am,” she started, her voice quivering in her rising frustration. She ran a hand along her skirt, fingers coming to rest on an errant strand of fabric that her seamstress evidently missed. “Look, I’m not trying to be difficult, we just all know that none of this is me. I was happy to stand in for James while he did what he wanted being in the Air Force but I thought that it was finally my chance to have some space.”

James’ eyes showed the weight on him, the internal struggle between duty and family. He cleared his throat quietly before whispering, “It’s only two more months, Rosie.”

“It just seems like there’s always something else. You think it’ll be the end and then the rug gets pulled out from under you,” Rosie muttered, her fingers lightly twisting the fabric, careful to not pull it from the skirt.

Joseph’s expression seemed heavy, his eyes pointed towards the ground as a hand covered part of his face, deep in thought. “I know it’s not ideal, but we need you to do this,” he decided, eyes coming to meet Rosie’s before he gestured to James. “James is the ultimate authority on it though.”

The Prince nodded, his shoulders squaring resolutely. “We don’t have a choice. Rosie, it has to be you,” he agreed, his voice strained despite his confident demeanor.

Rosie shot a look at the silent Queen, her eyes watching the conversation between her husband and eldest children intently. As she met Rosie’s eyes, the young woman shot her a pleading look, all but begging her to speak up.

Their mother hummed, giving Rosie a tight-lipped smile. “I think there is a security risk though,” she conceded sweetly, and Rosie’s shoulders slouched as she let out a small gasp of relief as her mother - the normally silent, meek woman - spoke up on her behalf.

But James ignored the magnitude of the situation, simply stating, “Then we’ll get more guards and protection.”

Rosie didn’t suppress the eye roll this time, huffing as she did so. She knew she shouldn’t be surprised. It had always been the King and Prince show - it always would be, that was simply the nature of their life. The heirs mattered above all else, and their opinions shaped the lives of every person in the family. But she had continually struggled with the idea of letting it dictate her life, she wanted nothing more than to have some semblance of autonomy, despite knowing it was never in the cards, at least not now.

But it didn’t mean James’ insistence didn’t hurt. She felt he always understood where she was coming from, always looked out for her and Annie. But now, she was really seeing James step into the leadership position for the first time.

“Or I just don’t go, just reminding you all that it’s an option,” she muttered, waving a hand. Her frustration was cresting as the two men ignored not only Rosie’s, but her mother’s points as well - points that in all honesty scared Rosie.

The situation outside of the capital of Ellington was tenuous at best. Tensions had been rising for months now, and while King Joseph’s decision to keep silent may have been smart at first, it had done nothing to turn the tide since. And now to be sent into the lion’s den in all honesty scared Rosie. She was no stranger to security protocols, risks, and threats, but this had much eclipsed any past risks Rosie knew of. Each member of the Royal Family was under a microscope, never deviating from an internal schedule, always accompanied by several security members. And that was just what Rosie knew - she was sure there was more she was not privy to that James and her father were aware of.

A sudden loud crackle of the fire brought her out of her thoughts to find James rising, moving to pour himself a drink from the carafe on the long table nearby. She watched the sharpness of his shoulders, the unfamiliar stressful strain as he moved, causing Rosie to arch a brow at the sight. “I have to be here to step up in dad’s place. Rosie, you’re going to have to get used to this more.” James spoke dismissively.

She couldn’t help but look at James, her brows raising as fast as her anger - reaching levels she never knew James could elicit. “I’m the one who’s been doing this the past four years, remember?” Rosie asked sarcastically, her voice anything but amused.

He avoided her eyes, a hand reaching to run down his face as he attempted a placating, “It’s only two more months…”

She pushed out a breath, ready to respond when a sharp knock sounded at the door. All eyes landed on the oversized double wooden doors as the King’s Secretary waited for any protest before the doors pushed open.

The sudden intrusion didn’t seem to take anyone by surprise, but Rosie’s brows quickly furrowed as the aide stepped aside to reveal Edward Henry - the Communications Secretary for the Royal Family - and quite honestly Rosie’s least favorite person, who was carrying a large stack of papers.

She’d long struggled with the ‘duty’ aspect of her birthright position, the responsibility forced on her by an institution when all she wanted was normalcy. But between a lack of a proper childhood, wanting a normal university experience, being outspoken by nature, and maybe having a few brushes with untrustworthy so-called ‘friends’, she’d landed herself on Edward Henry’s bad side… quite literally for life.

At her father’s warm greeting to Edward after his obligatory bows to each member of the family, Rosie’s frustration grew. She knew she shouldn’t have come - she’d had a bad feeling about this meeting ever since receiving word of it at breakfast. Her suspicions grew when she realized Annie was omitted from the group, removing what would’ve been Rosie’s only true ally from the room and all conversations. But now, to see that the intention was never to plan a tour or shift schedules around to accommodate the King’s sudden change in health…. It was to focus on her.

The Palace and Royal Family both had struggled at times with her, Rosie could admit that herself. She felt as though she could never do things right, never be the person they tried to mold her to be. She was rigid in ways the Institution needed her to be pliable, soft in the ways they needed her to be tough, and sour when they needed her to be sweet.

“You’re joking me right?” Rosie finally spoke, arching her brow at her father as he warmly shook Edward’s hand, seeing the label ‘ITINERARY’ scribbled across the files he began handing to her father.

The King’s face hardened instantly. “Rosalie, don’t even start,” he warned, holding out his hand for Queen Genevieve to greet Edward.

But Edward was unphased, used to her often brash ways. “Princess, we have your itinerary to go over and I’d like to discuss some different things we’d like you to incorporate in your speeches at each one. Also we have picked out which charities you’ll be endorsing along the tour,” he informed her, handing copies of the folders to her mother and brother before sitting in the empty armchair between the two occupied sofas. His hand moved to hand her a copy, but ceased when the furious expression on her face was noticed.

A bitter chuckle escaped her. “So none of this mattered,” she mused, frowning as she looked at her father pointedly. “No matter what I said or felt or even what James decided didn’t matter because everything was already decided on,”

But the man simply shrugged as he paged through the plans, brows furrowed while he sat down on the sofa again. “We had to make a plan,” he informed her, as if it was that simple.

With a roll of her eyes, Rosie pushed herself off the couch. “Fine, then make your plan. It’s obvious you don’t need me here for any of it,” she informed them, dropping her eyes as she moved towards the shut doors. She could hear the sharp breath her mother took at her outright rudeness towards not only Edward, but James and her father. A scowl crossed Rosie’s lips as her eyes prickled with tears and she focused on the sound of her heels as she raced to the door.

If anyone attempted to say anything or chastise her, she didn’t hear - nor did she care - as the door practically slammed behind her. The guards standing outside the door pointedly avoided her eyes, telling Rosie everything she needed to know about what they heard. She had already turned to leave the wing when that thought made her stop. Her lip was quivering as she met the older guard’s eyes - Albert, she reminded herself, he’d accompanied her to riding lessons as a young girl - and she was surprised when he silently led the other guard to stand across the hall instead without a word, giving her the encouragement she needed.

She stood just beyond the door, giving herself enough space to make an escape if needed, but close enough to be able to hear the conversation inside.

Despite her mother’s objection, they’d clearly moved on from her outburst as she heard her father speaking, his voice carrying easily. “James, there’s a lot riding on that tour. I don’t have to tell you with all the political tension going on and protests, everyone is going to be looking at this tour and how it goes.”

“What your dad is saying is you’re going to need to keep an eye on Rosalie,” her mother said, and Rosie’s brow furrowed. She’d been doing just fine the last few years - handling double duty without anyone batting an eye. Why is she all of the sudden not good enough? But she caught herself as she thought - remembering that the golden boy had been occupied with serving Ellington in the Air Force. They must’ve had to make due with “second-best”, and Rosie’s best was no longer good enough.

But she was surprised when James was the one to speak, defending her and saying, “She’s been in my place the last couple years though and she’s done fine.”

A bitter chuckle escaped Edward and Rosie wanted nothing more than to disappear at that second, admittedly it was all she’d ever wanted. “It depends on the way you look at it,” Edward pointed out.

But James wasn’t going down without a fight, pointing out, “Well the press love her. I mean, there isn’t hardly a week that went by that the people’s princess wasn’t splashed on some headline.”

The scowl returned and the tears threatened to leak from her eyes as Edward finally contributed, his voice like nails on a chalkboard to her as he said, “And that’s the problem. You may love Rosalie’s personality but currently she’s in line to the throne after you and represents the royal family. If she were the youngest it would be different but she has to start taking this seriously and be more neutral.”

She tapped her fingers against her side nervously. Rosie had always known that this was the opinion of her amongst those on the outside of the family, who worked to polish and prime them. They’d attempted to do so to her for years, but they’d always gotten along like oil and water. But to be confronted with this and to overhear this, to know her own parents felt this way, hurt.

However, a small flutter of hope settled in her as James again attempted to defend her, his voice unwavering as he said, “She’s right, she has stepped into my role the past couple years and done well.”

“We just don’t think she fully sees the weight of this because you’re the one who’s next in line to the throne,” Joseph admitted, and Rosie had to do everything she could to keep herself quiet.

Yes, James’ role was unique and seemed miserable in itself. He had no choice in his life, in his future, in anything - even more than Rosie. But to live this life solely being second-place, second-loved, second-everything to someone was a different kind of miserable. You couldn’t compare the two, but neither were ideal, and for anyone to try to frame it that way completely ignored everything both she and Annie had gone through.

The grating returned to Rosie as Edward - the absolute bane of her fucking existence - unnecesarily added, “Ellington has only ever had two Queens both of them knew how to fall in line. Nobody knows what to do with Rosalie and it’s not a great look for the palace.”

“People relate to her though!” James insisted, his voice rising.

“Royals aren’t supposed to be relatable, if they are, what’s the point of having them?” Edward challenged.

There was a long silence and Rosie found herself stuck between wanting nothing more to leave and forget this all ever happened, just like she had so many times before in her life, and wanting to creep closer as the fear of missing something grew as the silence continued. Her mind was still racing, fighting against itself as she stood frozen with nearly trembling ankles when she heard James’ voice. It was soft, as if the fight had left him as he helplessly asked, “…So what do you suggest I do?”

“Just do what you can to help this tour go well. A lot hinges on this and her,” Joseph encouraged, his voice suddenly softer as well. A slight scowl graced Rosie’s lips at that realization, knowing that James often got a side of their parents that neither she nor Annie ever got. He’d gotten the most time with them - whether because of duty or love, it almost didn’t matter. She saw how much Annie yearned to have the relationship James had with them, and she found herself wishing for it at times too.

Her ear pressed closer to the overly-ornate wooden doors, yearning to hear more, but she wished she hadn’t as Edward explained, “What the Prince said isn’t wrong. The public is for the Princess, but in this tumultuous time, we need her to present more stability. People need to be comforted knowing that the royal family is stable and has the country’s best interest at heart.”

She stared at the floor, brows furrowing and confusion flooding her at those words. Unstable? Her? Sometimes she felt like the only sane person in this equation.

Her confusion was shared as James - his voice strong and firm - pointed out, “I don’t think Rosie can really be categorized as unstable.”

But Edward simply chuckled again, explaining, “Saying things off script in speeches or breaking social norms for royalty is viewed as unstable.”

“We just need her to be a constant unwavering person that people can look up to, especially when it got leaked about my health.” Her father spoke strongly. Rosie felt a pang of sympathy - if this heart attack had never happened, then maybe this wouldn’t be happening. But it all seemed too convenient, the empty promises of privacy and autonomy, the sudden return of James. “We need steadiness. This tour is what can bring it and allow everyone to see Rosie as the one to help bring it.”

“I know she can do it, I just wish she didn’t have to,” James admitted, and Rosie sighed at those simple words, knowing just how much honesty was behind them.

She wasn’t surprised when her father spoke again, his words reeking of lessons a life in the public eye and service had given him. “Our life is a heavy burden at times, but whether good or bad, the crown has fallen on us. That includes Rosalie and we have to make sure we steward it well, and that matters more than any of our personal feelings.”

Tears burned at Rosie’s eyes as the weight of what they were saying sunk in. She wasn’t stupid, she was painfully aware of her image and what people thought of her. Her entire life was dictated by it and what was or wasn’t on the front page of a newspaper. The past four years she had done everything in her power to push down who the real Rosie was, trying to step into James’ shoes to allow him to have the bit of fleeting normalcy they all craved but always seemed to elude them. It had nearly killed her to shove so much of herself down, but she had done it for her duty, her country, and - most of all - for her brother. But now to hear that it wasn’t good enough? It felt like rubbing salt in the open wound on her heart.

She had absolutely no idea what else they could possibly want from her short of ripping away every single part of her personality. And the worst part? It seemed fruitless. No matter what she did, it just always fell short. Her only saving grace that kept some hope alive inside of her was that James was back. He was her only shot at being able to get some of herself back that had been buried little by little.

Once Rosie heard the group stand and pleasantries being exchanged among her parents and Edward, she raced away from the door and down the hall, not wanting to be seen. She wiped furiously at her eyes as she grappled with the onslaught of information, but quickly had to push it from her mind as her assistant called out to her, plastering a smile on her face as Claire began to explain what they needed to do to prepare for the gala honoring the military that evening.

___________________________________________________

Rosie had kept the smile glued to her face all evening, determined to be on her best behavior. While she may have chosen the other option in the past - the “fine, I’ll be what you think of me” option - today, she couldn’t. If she did, she knew what was at risk, what was on the line, and she just couldn’t stomach willingly doing it tonight.

She’d made her rounds, thanked as many service members she could find, listened to as many stories as she could stomach, laughed as many times as she could without a hint of humor actually being behind it, and had finally escaped to the side room with Claire to fix the strap of her heels when James slipped into the otherwise-empty room.

She avoided his eyes with everything in her, instead taking a long sip of her champagne to quell her nerves when James came to stand next to her, his voice low despite Claire’s proximity.

“Rosie c’mon, I know you don’t want to do this. I get it. I wish I could give you a break but I don’t have a choice,” he pleaded.

Her shoulders hunched, knowing he was truly stuck. He had to live up to what their father expected - what everyone expected - but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt to go against her big brother. “I know you don’t, and I don’t mean to make it harder on you. I just suck at all of this, James.” she explained.

“No you don’t. The press is for you, everyone loves you,” he reminded her, his voice soft and sweet. She appreciated the sentiment - but it felt empty to her after what she had overheard merely hours earlier.

“I just was hoping I’d finally have a break,” she admitted with a whisper, not knowing how to put it more simply than that.

James sighed, his frustration at the impossible situation evident. “I’m sorry, Rosie,” he murmured, and there was no doubt in Rosie’s mind that he was honest. “I love you and you know I’m going to do what I can to make it easier.”

“I love you too and I don’t want to be difficult, I really don’t,” she explained, turning as Clarie finished and scampered back into the party, leaving the siblings alone with the guards standing by the doors. “I’m just… disappointed I guess and I feel bad because I don’t want to make this worse on dad or you. I just hate doing these tours.”

“I had an idea though,” James began, pausing as Rosie arched a brow at him. He took a deep breath, evidently steeling himself.“What if I asked my friend to be your pilot for the tour? You remember Chris, right? My best friend from the Air Force? He’s standing out there right next to the bar.” He asked, pointing through the glass doorway to Chris.

Rosie sighed, not feeling like any of this was a good idea - especially from James - after this afternoon. There was just too much going on, Rosie feeling like so much had been shaken today. “Can’t Martin do it?” She asked, her voice meek. She knew if she had to go on this tour, if she had to deal with the risks and the tensions associated with it, that comfort would do her good. And Martin - the longtime Palace Security Head, who all but attended all of her birthday parties growing up and was truly like a father to her, would fit the bill.

“I need to pick someone who can also be with you to certain events to be your security and we both know Martin is getting too old for that,” James explained, nudging her with his elbow. “C’mon, would I stick you with someone shitty? Chris is the only person who treated me like a normal guy. You’d get along with him great and I can trust him.”

“I just…” Rosie’s voice started to trail as the feelings inside her were unable to come out of her mouth.

James’ eyebrows arched as he reached out a hand to rest on her arm, softly prodding, “What?”

There was so much Rosie wanted to say, but she knew at this point it didn’t matter. Everything had been decided for her as it had been for so long and she just quietly admitted, “I just wish I didn’t have to do this.”

Although James moved to wrap his arms around her, pulling her into a gentle hug, Rosie felt anything but comforted. For years she had looked forward to James returning from the Air Force, especially with his voluntary choice to stay in the service for two years longer than was customary for royals. She remembered that call, James explaining that being in the Air Force was the first time he had felt normal, been treated normal, and felt like he had a bigger purpose and that he wanted to stay longer. Rosie knew it meant she had to step up to stay in his shoes longer than anticipated but she was willing to do it for him.

But it was finally going to be her turn. She was going to be able to pull back from the spotlight, disappear the way she had wanted to for so long and try to have some semblance of a normal life. All of that had been ripped away from her in what felt like an instant, prolonging and making her presence on the country even bigger which was the absolute opposite of what she wanted, but Rosie knew she didn’t have a choice.

Two months. She could do anything for two months. And then she’d be free.