#just started uni again lol
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Born to be a protagonist in a ghibli movie, forced to be irl.
#im trying my best to stay active here but then that phase comes again in which i start ghosting everyone lol#but this time honestly i didn't get enough time to stay active here because i was so much busy with exams and uni#anyways my mids exams just ended so now i can sleep peacefully for hours and hours hehe#ghibli#dark academia#light academia#excerpts#romanticism#spilled thoughts#ghibli movie#studio ghibli#ghibli films#hayao miyazaki
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some WIPs from the 80s AU i never finished
#so… hi#i think…. i might start making some stuff here soon#i’ve been gone a lot longer than i intended to be#& i feel a lil bad about it bc i really miss my boys & bein here & all that but#idk it’s just been a rough month#but i’m starting to get the itch to create again#i have a very silly idea for the mbz AU#i also just really want to draw some stuff#i miss making things. i’m going nuts. i’ve hardly done anything fun in WEEKS#i’ve sort of started working on some new OCs but ngl#doing anything that doesn’t involve dhes or kel genuinely feels like i’m betraying them#but i have a concept that i really want to explore so that’s what i’m trying to do#i have been working on a few AUs here & there too but#but mostly nothing fun#i need to do something fun while i still can bc i’m starting at uni next month#& i just know i’m gonna have shit for free time then#i’m taking all in person classes which makes me very nervous#i’m trying to be excited about it but mostly it’s just causing me anxiety lol#but anyway. um. yea. hopefully i’ll catch up on everything & reply to the tags/asks i’ve gotten since i’ve been gone#if i reply to something you said/sent to me a month ago… pls just act like that’s not weird. thanks.#rainyrambles
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this is kit, please commission some art from them on social bunny 🙏
#ts4#sims 4#just wanted to test out relight but now i have a whole new gameplay i wanna do#my house wifi's been down since friday so i'd nothing better to do lol#assignments shouldn't exist. i should be able to play video games all day >:(#i think i'm going to remove this font replacement cus it can't do accented letters :(#i had to uninstall wickedwhims cus my uni friend wants to play sims on my laptop tomorrow LOL#anyways kits cool though#they're in the same save as virgil's tjol :)#so they might meet him!#uuughhh i fuckin hate thursdays. i'm out of the house for like 14 hours :((#going to england in 8 days tho i'm so excited to see my family again :) they got a new dog too!! a jack russell named paddy lmaooo#i got tagged in kmik posts but i'm saving them for friday night when i'm not busy <3#goodnight simblr#it's 11:50pm and i need to start writing my essay due tomorrow D:
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the Li-Wilson family is the cutest, change my mind
(you cant)
#dungeons and daddies#dndaddies#dndads#dndaddies s2#dndads s2#granco#marco li wilson#lincoln li wilson#grant wilson#grant li wilson#is there a ship name for grant and marco idk i just made one up#being able to see grants beautiful beautiful face becomes the motivational force behind marco finally getting glasses#also idk what possessed me to draw with a thin pencil for this comic but ooo wheeeee never doing that again for some reason i hated how this#looked for the longest time and it took me forever to be moderately ok with how it turned out#using a thick pencil is just so much easier#u can tell towards the end it started getting less and less detailed and more cartoony lol#also they got kicked out of their uni library idk if that was clear#they’re working on a presentation together#i love the idea of a meet cute where they never would game met or interacted except for oh no randomly stuck together at partners for a scho#school proj and then one of them catches feelings while they have to be around eachother#hehehe
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thesis updates: sent the draft to my advisor -> she said it was "incoherent" and that she was "shocked" at my work and instead of telling me anything in detail as to what's wrong directs me to the writing center then proceeds to cc my committee members saying that she's at a loss with what to do with me -> was confused because... did i send her the wrong draft?? it seemed pretty solid to me?? like i was genuinely proud of it??? -> next day she sends me another email saying that actually my draft isn't bad at all and it just needs some reworking ???????
#you know what the problem is.#she's been telling me to write my thesis like a research article so i've been copying how it is in the articles she sends me#and so im like. clearly this isn't working if she's upset by this and didn't expect this. go rooting around my uni's websites to see#what the hell im doing wrong bc i must be doing something wrong but i dont know and my advisor wont TELL me what's wrong with the format#no examples of theses on the theses/dissertations page of my uni. knew that already but checked again#no examples of theses on the theses page of my program. knew that but double checked.#ended up rooting around for an HOUR and then stumbled upon a bunch of theses from my program#that is [1] not linked ANYWHERE on my program page or on the thesis page. [2] literally by good luck that i stumbled upon this cause it has#a bunch of MA theses from the past 20 years on here#read like 20 of them. realize that there's a specific format that my advisor just NEVER TOLD ME????? TO WRITE IN??#realize that i just kinda need to restructure my work a bit but it's actually not as bad as i expected#also. during my 'fake' defense last semester she was pissed at me about my charts but...everyone is using the format of charts i did ??????#oh. that's another thing. my advisor said that i 'defended' to the program coordinator even though i didn't actually defend anything and#she just told me flat out it was a no go so. lol.#anyways. it's. 4 am and im working on this stupid thing. im SO over it.#guys. im starting to fear im not the problem but my advisor is LMAO
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oh inquisitor
#hiiiiiiiiii i promise im not dead#uni just started again for me and im already swamped in work lol#finally settled on what lea's burns look like though!!!#dragon age#art#dai#lavellan#my art#oc: avelea
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Since watching the new season of heartstopper ive been playing around with labels again (which I haven’t done since a friend I trusted basically shut me down and told me I can’t just be something without having “tried all my options first” ew). I’m always scared to relabel or try identifying as something other than what I’m comfortable being because I feel like I owe everyone consistency
When I was 15 (I’m 21 rn) I came out as lesbian and honestly I was so comfortable with that and how people perceived me and I kinda loved how my male friends (which I had a lot of back then) treated me. The downside was how the black community treated me, I was mostly in the closet to them but the closet was very much transparent (they could always tell I wasn’t straight lol)
The year I turned 18 I started identifying as bisexual, largely because I thought I might like my male best friend. I proposed the idea and he asked me out almost immediately. We dated for exactly 7 days before I realized I wasn’t really into him like I thought. Downside to this era was the comments my male friends would make about “bisexual girls” to me. The only thing was that I was too scared to start identifying as lesbian again because I had come out to all my friends as bi already.
So I carried that label until now (a few people I know still think I’m probably lesbian still lol). The reason I felt comfortable in this label was because I had just turned 18. I went clubbing and did some excessive drinking for the past few years and being bi gave me an excuse to drunkenly make out with random men on nights out. I still don’t know how I feel about men to this day I guess (I’ve always known I’m romantically attracted to women but I’m always on the fence about men, it’s a bit weird)
My trouble came with the fact that I’m not keen on hooking up with people. No matter their gender I’m just not super excited about the concept of “intercourse” or any of the stuff that comes with it. When the last season of Sex Education came out I watched it with a friend and offhandedly made a joke about being ace in reference to one of the characters and she went “you can’t be ace you just haven’t had sex yet” and that literally sent me spiraling for days and I just pushed the feeling down and ignored it
Earlier this year though I was having one of my late night talks with my little sister because we had a sleepover in the living room. I made a joke about how I’m probably never gonna be in a relationship ever because I don’t really wanna have sex and she asked me if I was being serious. I said yes and she said “there will definitely be people out there that will be with you even if you don’t wants sex, you need to stop being such a dramatic bitch lol”. That was obviously really reassuring to hear someone I love tell me it’s ok to not want sex, even if that person is my straight 17 year old sister.
I’ve been very afraid of being openly asexual because I’m scared no one will love me if I can’t give them sex but also I know I’m capable of loving people without them giving me sex but that’s only because I don’t want sex in the first place. I just feel I will personally be unlovable.
Anyway back to heartstopper. Imogen’s journey with comp het was very much relatable for obvious reasons as I had gone through all that by that age (and am still deliberating to this day if I just crave male attention, which is sad I wish I was still as confident as I was at 16 to know but life took over lol) and of course Issac’s journey with dealing with the affects of being aroace in a world that revolves around romantic relationships and conditions us to believe we need to want sex and romance. I had already read solitaire, Loveless and Radio Silence when I was in secondary school. Radio silence was the first time I felt so utterly seen in a character. That being Aled Last (mostly relating in our similar relationships with our mums). And then I read loveless and it literally put me off kilter of months. To see Georgia’s journey had me reflecting on everything I was taught about relationships and sex and friendships (but then I had exams and graduation and had to put that self revelation on hold lol)
All this to say, I’m deciding from today that I want to identify as Asexual. I know labels can be limiting to some people and they have been to me for that past few years as well but I think being ace is something I have to go to be true to myself. I’m definitely not coming out of the closet anymore I’m too tired of thinking I owe that to people but I’m going to try be honest with myself.
#this was so weird to write#I should definitely just start using my diary again lol#I mostly wanted to write this out cuz I don’t wanna wait 2 weeks to see a Uni counselor lol#asexual#aromantic#aroace#aro#ace#osemanverse#heartstopper
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good morning!!!
good afternoon! nearly 2 pm my time and its the weekend finally :D i miiiight work on a few arts and asks hehe
#just got home lol and immediately started singing odys last verse from charybdis#went to my grandmothers after uni yesterday and stayed the night#but now im back home#banana peels......#lol#inbox shenanigans#hope u slept well and are well rested :D#had breakfast again today hehe#thyme bread? dunno what its called lol but its pretty self explanatory#and tea#yum
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"im a magician, i just dont bang on about it"
missing marvin the magnificent hours </3
#jacksepticeye#marvin the magnificent#septicart#just like art#fun fact: this pose (???) and inspiration to draw marv again came from a comedy panel show my parents have gotten super into recently#hence the caption: its just a line from the bit this is from lmfao#also hello! im still waiting for uni to start up again#and im trying to be productive before it starts#so im going for my licence sometime soon (april lol)#and im currently hemorrhaging money from seeing doctors about this long term pain ive had for YEARS#going into the city to see one and its gonna be $300 bc life is nothing but agony and suffering#so im thinking about opening commissions???? its still super up in the air#ive only done commissions from people i know lmfao and even then it was stressful tbh#either that or i get another job lmfao#but besides that: ive been good! and i wish the same for you! good night!
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not me curling my laptop charger wire the way you curl band equipment cords HAHAHA god i miss it
#i really said “okay big performance in the city square let's make this work” and i did but absolute fuckery of the manager just made me...#and she also used to complain about being an opening act-- like come on that's a nationally-renowned band and we're not there yet 😭#we used to fight a lot though so ack i really should have taken that as a red flag#but i was 14 and stupid 🤷♂️#being solo way better uM i shouldn't say this yet but i got a commission today audhauagah i don't even have a portfolio#fuck guys i'm so so so nervous from big changes in life because uM god i just came from actual hell with various things working to make me#kms#but uH we're uH not too keen on that anymore atm and uH it's probably going to all fuck up after i share that i have good news in life#but yk what#let's keep challenging god#i know he hates me#but we will not be defeated we will strangle him by the tie#AHHHH help me i want to get into music again pls pls pls pls pls#anyway back to my old band manager#she was known for being a shitwad in the scene anyw but i was young and stupid as i sais#and i defended her and rationalized her behavior because “we're friends right”#i'm starting to get why my mom is wary of people i get to know#i'm tbh a fucking idiot i would never admit that elsewhere (nah i do) uM my brain is bouncing off the walls#i took a bargain with 7pm coffee and look where it got me#i was also getting up there in my 5 days of uni absences agsgshags#DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THESE I KINDA HOPE NOW NO ONE DOES#IM KINDA UHHH MY CHILD THERAPIST SAID UNCONVENTIONAL#I THINK SHE MEANT FUCKING CRAZY#sorry#oh yeah i walked tf out the band after that big performance set up just for us because i couldn't keep working with that kind of environment#other bands started flocking to recruit or proxy after i was let go by my famously fucked-up ex-manager LOL#but um i have issues so i'm not among them and i think they get the message tbh#appears and disappears#that is actually my brand
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sharing one of my all-time fave poems totally not because I spent the last hour crying uncontrollably over graduating <3 LMAO
LISTEN I LOVE YOU JOY IS COMING!!!
Text version here.
#when rachel cries it's bad because rachel doesnt cry!!!!#you ever........ grieve for a location <3#it's not like I'm even obsessed with the city I live in rn but#a younger version of me was#and it's not like I even like my degree now#but a younger version of me did!!!!#not the impending future looming upon me lmao#my last class will likely be tuesday (likely because I might... skip some LMAO) so I'm just... in it#writing session at the starbucks turned into writing session at the library's coffee shop#which I used to go to every week to visit a friend in first year & I loved it#which then turned into writing in the student union building which might be one of the last times I ever go there#& my last week of classes ever starts tomorrow#umm not it coinciding with holy week um that's very lonancore of you university#I OBVIOUSLY live very far away from my uni city so I'll probably never come back here ever again#the autism is rlly autisming about this LOL#to everyone else graduating this month...#LISTEN I LOVE YOU JOY IS COMING
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‘oh you have a new interest? thank god you’re being normal about it and not spending all your money-’ SHUT UP. CLASSICS SECTION IN THE CHARITY SHOP DOWN THE ROAD
#okay oresteia was £8 online and i regret nothing#but the fact i was like yesss oresteia let’s go!!! and then blacked out in the classics section and somehow managed to bag the other two#and now i have antigone oedipus electra and the satyr plays…. girl…#£2 EACH FOR THOSE TWO BOOKS BTW!!! and the guy working the bookshop was rlly knowledgeable about it#he was like ‘are you studying or just interested’ that is a VERY SORE SUBJECT BEST FRIEND#but he was so sweet I was like nah im an econ student he was like ‘you will have such broad knowledge now with both!’#like yea okay 😭 and then he kinda started mansplaining about astronomy of all things for a bit#and another man joined in and I was like i truly cannot tell if youse are talking to me like this bc im young or bc im a girl#but for the sake of a nice interaction im willfully ignoring the second option in favour of the first#<3333#OH and the copy of the satyr plays is kinda worn which is my fave thing about 2nd hand books like I LOVE when u can tell they’ve been read#and I bought sticky notes bc im planning to fully sit and annotate these as if i actually am studying them#i feel like im at school again but in a good way this is so fun like i remember why I used to enjoy learning#and didn’t feel thick as shit all the time and drained of all joy. lol. lmao even#hella goes to uni
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every time i think or speak abt hajime the words just flow out in an endless stream 😔
#he is sooooooooooooo oh my gos#to me default hajime is slowburn best friends to lovers with a bit of ldr OR an alternative pathway of going to college together 😓#the slowburn is insane because he only admits how he feels in his 3rd yr of uni LOL 🥲#another variation is meeting him in college 🥺 and he’s kinda shy? not super awkward but not the chattiest guy youve ever met too#by his 3rd year there’s a silent confidence to him that’s polite and respectful but u just know u shouldnt cross#ITS LIKE KIT SAID AKXNKDJXKD HES LIKE THE FRAT BOY WHO ISNT REALLY A FRAT BOY AKNDKXJ#HE HAS THE MAKINGS OF IT BUT JUST. ISNT ONE. 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺#perfect college boyfriend me thinks#the kind you eventually end up marrying years after graduation#CRYING SAWBING I NEED HIM#DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON GIRL DAD IWA I WILL SOB INTO MY HANDS#i talked so much again
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#hellooooo it's been a long week for sure#got my exam results. did a lot better than i thought i'd do!!!#also had an interview for a place in a community college which i got#but i hopefully got into uni (i'll find out 2pm tmrw) so i mightn't need it!!!#i'm so scared man i'm used to class sizes of like.. 8 😭#and now i've gotta get 4 buses a day to the city and back instead of a 20 min stroll up the road 😔#did a pub crawl saturday to celebrate. had a lot of fun#been having fun with bg3 too!! i'm still on act 1#my ear is blocked again 😔 it's €60 to get it drained ughhh i'll just suffer on#getting my first tattoo soon though 🥳#enough about me lol i need to make a personal sideblog one of these days#i'll def have a lot less time to be active with sims stuff if i'm starting uni so i'll be sure to make one ^^#ANYWAYS here's ms macmahon#/roxana#i swear to god i'm going to catch up with all the new kmik posts when i wake up tomorrow#if i don't assume me dead#ts4
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I was thinking about the spelling of ‘whether’ (as in whether or not to do something) —something I consistently get wrong by mixing it up with the other ‘wether words’—and just had the awful realisation that:
‘I’m debating whether to wether the weather’
Is a fully grammatically and logically sound sentence in English, that actually makes complete sense and you might genuinely say in conversation.
And now I don’t know whether I want to kiss or kill the English language. Fuck my life
#lmao#shitpost#linguistics#english#heyy have u noticed I’m back to posting a little bit again?#I was busy with starting at uni before that’s why#so I wanted to just focus on that#I’m still busy now I’m simply procrastinating doing shit lol
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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