#you ever........ grieve for a location <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

sharing one of my all-time fave poems totally not because I spent the last hour crying uncontrollably over graduating <3 LMAO

LISTEN I LOVE YOU JOY IS COMING!!!

Text version here.

[preludicrous]

analyzing “no more what ifs”: akechi's humanity and his fate

post length: ~2k words. SPOILER WARNING for late game content in persona 5 and persona 5 royal, as well as the ‘Proof of Justice’ OVA

no more what ifs is my single favorite track from the entire persona 5 and persona 5 royal soundtracks- like everyone else, akechi is one of my favorite characters in the game, and no more what ifs is a song very closely tied to akechi’s character, often consider by the fandom to be akechi’s equivalent to beneath the mask.

in persona 5 royal, it plays when akechi and joker visit the jazz jin. in the OVA, it also plays at the jazz jin, which joker visits while grieving akechi’s fate in the engine room. the jazz jin as a location is deeply tied to akechi, being a place that akechi goes to relax, think, and spend time alone outside of the public eye. akechi takes joker there and tells joker quite clearly that he never brings other people there, and muhen, the jazz jin owner, points this out as well. the jazz jin is also the location where the game lets you say farewell to akechi on 3/19. going there allows joker to talk with muhen and reflect a bit on him and akechi’s relationship, and it's also there that joker finds akechi’s glove in his pocket.

given that no more what ifs plays in a location that is so important to akechi, it’s fitting that it’s a song that about akechi’s mental state and gives the players a peek into his psyche. just like beneath the mask gives players more about joker’s character, revealing his struggle with his identity and place in society outside the metaverse, no more what ifs tells about akechi’s hopes and fears.

i also believe that while on its own no more what ifs is already quite a profound and meaningful song, the full meaning of it can only be appreciated within the context of maruki’s third semester, and how that ties with akechi’s fate. to me, no more what ifs is about akechi’s grapple with mortality, given that his existence is likely fundamentally tethered to maruki’s false reality. after all, even though it plays before semester 3, the jazz jin as a location and no more what ifs as a song only exist in persona 5 royal and not base persona 5, which to me is a sign that the song should be considered within the context of the full game of persona 5 royal, and not just the base game of persona 5. the connection between this song and akechi’s mortality is also strengthened in the proof of justice ova, which takes place following the engine room and akechi is implied to maybe have… well, you know.

even the name of the song, no more what ifs… yeah.

the lyrics

akechi’s entire life has been defined by fleeting relationships. his father abandons them, his mother dies, he is passed from foster family to foster family. he can’t make friends due to his public image as the detective prince. but joker is different, quite possibly the first real friend akechi ever has, and even though he needs to kill joker to realize his goal of taking down shido, he also knows on some level that his and joker's relationship isn't so simple.

on a literal level, akechi goes to the jazz jin alone often to think and relax. to sit with himself and take a step away from the world. in the third semester, he is alone emotionally even if he isn't alone physically. other than maruki, nobody else knows the secret of his fate, akechi’s the only one that knows that maruki’s reality is keeping him alive. even though he’s physically alongside the thieves and allies with joker, he grapples with his fate alone. and in the face of his impending death when the thieves inevitably face off with maruki and eliminate this reality, akechi looks back on his life, reflecting on and questioning his choices.

akechi’s entire existence has been focused on revenge and survival. given his relentless nature in pursuing his goals, and the numerous obstacles he has to overcome, he was too focused on moving forward and never thought twice about what he was doing. but in the third semester, both of these goals fall aside- shido is in jail, so trying to get revenge on shido no longer drives him, and survival doesn’t really matter either when he’s fairly confident that he’s already dead outside of maruki’s reality. akechi finally gets to catch his breath. without these two driving goals occupying his mental energy, he gets the first chance to really look back on his choices and collect his thoughts on them. were those choices correct? is he proud of who he is, what he’s done? all these questions are also much more significant in the face his looming death. it forces him to look upon himself and see what he managed to amount to, and if he’s happy with that, since he knows his story is coming to a close.

akechi looks back on his life and, upon reflection, decides he has no regrets. that he’s proud of what he has done and what he has chosen. that no matter what anyone else says, he is pursuing his own notion of justice- for which he does not apologize.

this line strikes me as particularly poignant in the context of maruki’s reality, where so much has changed, including things that shouldn’t be able to be changed. after all, in this reality, akechi is a free man, he has not committed any crimes, he’s on good enough terms with joker, he’s not a murderer. he could start anew. but he refuses to. because akechi’s trauma and choices- those are what make akechi who he is, and akechi never apologizes for who he is.

akechi will always be himself. he refuses to be anyone else. he refuses to live in a reality where he is twisted and changed into someone he is not. in the ending where maruki’s reality is accepted, akechi regresses to solely being his detective prince persona- a persona which we know is a lie. the ‘real’ akechi gets erased, which is awful - to akechi, he would rather die true to himself, than live as a fake-sweet, more palatable version of himself that satisfies someone else.

akechi wants a lot of things. he wants a less shitty father, friends, a place to belong, the opportunity to atone, for his soul to be free and unburdened. but those things were just not in the books for him, unfortunately. and, in the face of his death, he learns to be okay with that. he lets go of the idea of maruki’s world, the idea of having all these things, the possibilities of these ‘what ifs’- because accepting maruki’s reality would be a betrayal of himself, his past, and all the struggles he had to overcome.

quiite possibly my favorite part of the song- we find out that akechi is afraid.

akechi is adamant in front of joker and the other thieves that they take down maruki’s reality, even though he’s aware that it spells death for him. he seems certain, determined, unafraid of death- firm in his choice, free of all doubts, to the point where he even manages to fool some players.

don’t let akechi fool you. this decision is not easy for him.

akechi HATES vulnerability and being vulnerable around people. he’s afraid of it, and given his background it’s pretty understandable why. he HATES being pitied so very much. so he puts up a front of being certain, confident, and unafraid, because that's what he feels like he has to do.

all the characters grapple with uncomfortable losses and sacrifices regarding the real world and maruki’s ideal world. but the phantom thieves support each other through it, and sumire also has everyone even though she isn’t technically a phantom thief. akechi, however, doesn’t allow himself to open up about his fears to anyone, so he silently grapples with his fears completely alone, quite possibly through the entirety of the third semester, even though his fate is likely the worst one out of all of them.

he is also worried that the phantom thieves, particularly joker, finding out that he’s experiencing fear and having doubts would make them less firm in their resolve to challenge maruki. he knows he can’t live in maruki’s reality, he refuses, which means he needs joker to take down maruki. joker finding out that akechi would no longer be alive if they take down maruki already makes the choice more complicated as it is. if joker knew he was even a little bit afraid of the consequences, joker might end up changing his mind, which he cannot allow to happen.

he very clearly downplays his life on 2/2, referring to the threat on his life as “bullshit” and “trivial” - he’s convincing himself as much as he is convincing joker. he’s ‘burning his dread’. joker responding with something like “this isn’t trivial” angers him, because joker is acknowledging the one thing he is trying to deny- that he’s afraid of dying.

akechi is afraid, he just chooses to reject maruki’s reality anyway. he steels his resolve and refuses to compromise his principles, even in the face of fear. (the same idea can also be applied to 11/20, btw- it isn't a stretch to think he's afraid of what he must do- of killing & losing joker). it’s also fitting that ‘burn my dread’ is mentioned here, given that p3 thematically focuses on death.

akechi is living on a time limit, so damn him if he isn’t going to make the most of every day. damn him if he isn’t going to cut the bullshit, drop the act, show his true colors. no more detective prince- he has only a bit of time left to live, so damn him if he isn’t going to live as akechi.

(he’s still not being fully honest in the third semester- he’s still keeping people away by overplaying his terrifying, ruthless exterior, he’s still using those unhealthy defensive mechanisms that he picked up in his youth, but he’s… closer to being honest, closer than he has been for a long time.)

i like this line because it just humanizes akechi, because even underneath all the anger and the lies and the revenge, he’s just a boy. he likes billiards and bouldering and jazz. as angry and bitter as he is at the world, music still speaks to him.

remember: akechi HATES losing and particularly hates losing to joker. just as joker took the reins and carved his own destiny, akechi will do the same.

of course, the first line is about the idea that nothing is guaranteed and nothing is to be taken for granted, especially with akechi now knowing that he’s living on borrowed time. after all, the other people maruki revived, okumura and wakaba, simply disappeared without warning as soon as the phantom thieves realized they weren’t real… something that could just as well happen to akechi when he least expects it.

the second line though– throws me off. akechi has never exactly been a joyous person, and he’s… not really trying to fill the last few weeks of his life with joy based on what we see of him. i think this line might just be a bit of an outlier, or maybe he’s finding joy in the little things offscreen and we just aren’t seeing it because he’s not willing to be vulnerable in front of joker?

regardless though, no more what ifs as a song is about akechi grappling with his mortality, accepting his coming death, and coming to terms with his life. it shows us more about akechi, makes him more human; he’s afraid of death, even though he doesn’t want anyone else to know, and he genuinely likes jazz, which explains his constant visits to the jazz club. just like beneath the mask shows us more about joker that we don’t get through the rest of the game, no more what ifs gives us a better understanding of akechi and the offscreen struggle with his mortality that he deals with in the third semester.

i love this song, and i love akechi.

[ciceroartwork]

Identity Lavinia Zichaierg Marie Schmidt

Error! Image unable to load.

AKA MRS. AFTON!!

THATS PRONOUNCED 'Z-eye-kuh-ye-air-guh' lmao

TWO MIDDLE NAMES CUZ HER PARENTS COULDNT DECIDE

Marie was 38 when BV and Elizabeth died

Michael was sixteen, Elizabeth 10/11, BV 5/6/7

she prefers to be called Marie. She will accept Zee as well.

She wholly believed it was a freak accident. She did not believe her husband was a monster, who created murderous robots and killed kids.

William died when she was 44 (6yrs later)

Michael died when she was 41 (3 years later)

She grieved heavily, but yet still remarried a while down the road. Only 'survivor', if she can be called one. She never took either of her spouses' last names. (William was upset about it, but didn't really do anything, her second didn't really care.)

She had went to 4 years of college for a degree in biology while her kids were growing up (she was a science and medical nerd)

She eventually became a doctor after the rest of the aftons died.

Badass. Best mom ever. She beat some dude's ass. (Michael got in a fight with someone and their father was shit talking Marie the whole time instead of focusing on the actual problem. He agreed to fight in the parking lot. There was a big crowd. And he got his shit beat by a woman a third of his size.)

William also discreetly dosed her with remnant from BV, Elizabeth, and Charlie.

Some general stuff:

Grew her hair out after Elizabeth + BV's death

Shaved her head in early 2010’s, realized her scalp (right side) was discolored, and dyed her hair so the off light-blue-purple color would have a reason to be there. (Remnant staining her skin. Her bone is discolored as well)

Side shave late 2010’s (Left side, she learned her lesson the first time)

Left eye is also very shiny

If anyone asks her about it she says it's glass. Dark off-green Its also slightly transparent, the veins are really obvious up-close

^ shave in the back (under hair. It's cooler and lighter.)

Heterochromia, her right eye is a bluish-gray, the left is was a dark green

She tries things from the new times and if she likes it she will continue to wear it even when it’s gone out of fashion. She looks and feels gorgeous

Both eyebrows are pierced, bottom lip piercing on left side, nose piercing on right. Also has a tongue piercing

Enjoys playing DnD (Oh yeah. CB was her DnD character. William changed her name and almost everything else about her.)

Not a fan of the smell of B-day cake, or cake in general. It's a texture thing.

Very specific and stubborn as an ass

She goes with the flow.

Very aware she should be dead.

People didn't really pay attention to her after the various locations shut down.

Does not particularly care for the internet, but it is convenient sometimes. Flip phone user. Does not need her phone to think for her. She does have a work phone, though

Her flip phone can text, call, and she has a small camera that she rarely uses other than to document Remnant-related stuff

Tried cocaine. Wasn’t a fan. Also occasionally smokes a blunt. Tried vaping but didn’t care for it. She still smokes though.

More detail on the half dead- she has a little trouble balancing, sometimes if she stands still she’ll start to careen to one side and stumble. (Usually the right)

When it gets really bad, she has a fold-out cane in her ‘purse’ (it’s more like a messenger bag. It’s covered in pins, faded on one side. Slings it across her body. Anything you need, she has. She has SPICES in there as well.)

She’ll be doing something, and then the next thing she remembers is that it's done with no memory of completing what she was doing. She came-to at the wheel of her car, actively driving in the middle of the woods with one of William’s prototype robots in the back seat, Henry in the passenger seat mid-conversation.

Later down the line:

She survived getting rabies (past the point that she should have. She died in the hospital.) (she still experiences moderate hydrophobia.)

She got brain cancer twice (family history of it.) (Thanks remnant. Also, the right side of her brain is dead, she cannot see well out of her left eye. Glasses do not help.)

Also, got murdered. Not by William, she didn't see the guy's face unfortunately, but she did help find three other bodies. She woke up in the morgue three days later. The autopsy agent(?) was actually reexamining her, as the Y cut was gone and that was not normal. He screamed as she sat up. He went and got the head Mortician. She (head mortician) was also dumbfounded, and had many questions.

How'd she help find three other bodies? Well, she was dumped in a location with other bodies. Her unseeing eyes remembered everything, and recorded it vaguely to the dead brain. The right side remembered, as best she could put it. When asked how she came back to life, she totally BSed, and said "Marilyn Monroe told me not to die/to open my eyes." And they kind of took it. Assumed she was a lil crazy, after all, she had been legally dead for three days.

Unfortunately, her cover was blown (although there really wasn't one to begin with) =( became local cryptid instead

Before Charlie's remnant decayed away (didn't have much,) she had problems sometimes (walking, muscle tremors, loss of memory for extended periods of time. Described as waking up in somewhere unfamiliar. Sometimes she just was unable to move. Intense headache, pressure in her head, felt like her head was going to explode. Also, sharp pain in her back and her throat, as if cut. She'd also get ice cold, her hands hurt.) Something about the memory properties of the remnant. It remembers the body. It remembers sensations the brain often cannot recall, such as pain. The actual, exact feeling of pain. It remembers. The occasional back pain (between shoulder blades) and throat pain went away as Charlie's remnant decayed.

also, she often gets high fevers, her body often realizing there's no brain activity and suspects rot. And it's alive, and trying to fight off an infection that isn't there.

Despite 0 brain activity in the right side of her brain, her remnant remembers the usual brain activity (medical nerd) and things that should be happening, and the way it felt as it slowly died. And thus, it still performs the correct duties for her to not become a vegetable.

Left eye is also oddly dark, the pupil, sclera, and iris are just one big ol mass inside of a circular orb. She has no pupil or iris, just one solid color.

the dead half of her brain is also a remnant factory, it replaced Charlie's as it decayed.

She also still appears to be in her late 30s

poor depth perception

Local Cryptid

Local teens talk about her in awe

Henry was also bestie with Marie, and was also used as a lab rat. They kept in touch until Henry burnt down FFPS, and himself.

Being married to someone and not aging was also kind of weird. She realized, and didn't know what to do, so she stayed.

No she didn't marry Henry, Idk who she married.

Marie also rediscovered remnant, and recognized it as why she was still alive after so much bullshit. She knew she had foreign remnant inside of her, she just didn't know who's it was. No DNA in remnant. She buried her discovery, but also tested on herself.

Some dude called her about William's old blueprints, (for HW2 and Special Delivery.) And other robots he made. And she supplied.

The dude also didn't think about the fact she should be dead, or the fact she looked 30. And looked exactly like William's wife. He and his supervisor shrugged it off as a coincidence.

she was very, very happy to finally get rid of William's shit, nobody would take it because they said it was 'cursed'. She was allowed to assist with major suspicion.

as BV and Elizabeth's remnant slowly decays, it it's equally replenished by Marie's own remnant.

Doctors were unable to study her brain and body, as her remnant didn't really carefor being dissected and ate through their tools. Mother like daughter I guess. It also rapidly repaired the damage, and caused chemical burns to the staff. She was highly apologetic.

CIRCUS BABY WAS HER BELOVED BRAIN CHILD

She assisted in the recreation (Special Delivery original models and HW2) cuz why not. She added the things she originally had in mind for CB to CB.

Post HW2 CB doesn't have the claw, and instead has a computer in there, connecting to the world wide web. It also contains highly protected sensitive documents. And Elizabeth's bone shards.

Elizabeth's bones were found inside the burned corpse of Scrap Baby, and Marie had a feeling they would like to reside in their host once more, and hid them away inside (special delivery) Circus Baby. Unaware they were her daughter's.

They were too burned to be identified.

During that time that Elizabeth's bones sat in Scrap Baby up to the point where they made it into Special Delivery Circus Baby, Elizabeth had no tether to the physical world.

Also the reason why HW2 Baby and Special Delivery Baby are so silly.

Other physical traits of Marie:

Her organs are flipped. Her heart is on the right chest, etc. Also her heart is backwards.

She only knows this because she cut herself open like the curious med student she is.

her heart is twice the size (ofc it is, she's such a sweetheart)

No complications

Circus Baby and Marie;

She recreated Baby from the ground up, with assistance of some of Henry’s work. (She couldn’t use any of her deceased husband’s as all of his work and research was destroyed during fnaf 6.)

Circus Baby was her brain child, all her idea. All her design. William decided that it would bring more revenue, and built her. He also made her kill children. Ofc, he didn't follow all of her ideas, deeming them 'too difficult' (they werent) and expensive, a waste of time to impliment. And the ones he did, he called his own, out of her earshot.

Circus Baby was always special to her. She was her own idea, and she considered Circus Baby with pride, despite the fact that almost everything changed about her. She kept her own version of her close to her heart. This version would later be reborn, as Help Wanted 2 and Special Delivery rolled around.

C is becoming the brainchild she developed so long ago for so long.

She is so proud of C. She will rant about her in the kind of way she also reserved for her (human, deceased) kids

She can also feel E’s Remnant pulling her to E’s bones when she gets close. But she also doesn't know it's Elizabeth's bones nor remnant.

Someone voicing how proud they are of C is doing things to her (Circus Baby) (Ofc, Ballora and a handful of others did so too, but like. WIlliam never did that. All he did was complain about her. So ofc, she is all for Marie. She isn’t exactly sure why she’s so proud though, and is aware of how she is in fact Marie’s brainchild. Its unfamiliar to her. William didn’t treat her very well.)

Marie is also one of the only people C will let touch her 100% of the time. It's comfortable.

Marie has also noticed that C is protective of her in some instances. C considers this an equivalent response to the positivity of Marie toward her. In a ‘this person actually cares for me. And about me. This feels like equal repayment for such’ kind of way.

Also, Marie is the only person that C wont complain about maintenance to. She doesn’t like the mechanics and doesn’t really trust them too much with herself, the other funtimes, her variants, or Ballora and her variants

Her additions/edits around HW2 and Special Delivery:

Ballora looks decent now

Computer inside Circus Baby instead of claw

Attempted to make Circus Baby sillier and ruffles

Made Circus Baby more resourceful; she uncut the corners William cut. Circus Baby requires less regular maintenance and uses less other resources.

Replaced B-day cake smell with Cherries (She likes the smell) also a mechanism so that the smell can change (like the little trees you can put in your car to make it smell good, but inside a robot.)

She experimented with (her own) Remnant, and discovered she could add regenerative properties; ArB has received such, and seems to melt slower. So far, there are little errors, though ArB does seem prone to right-brain more intensively.

(P.S. She was testing on other, nonsentient things first. Like motorcycles and the engine of her car. At some point, she figured it out and applied it to another problem.)

Helped develop the way Broiler Baby works, and added safety measures.

Marie's remnant research:

Marie’s earlier notes about Remnant are entirely chicken scratch and anxiously shaky, with some panicked thoughts written down among the notes. She was also majorly freaking out because she literally died. She remembered how it felt to be in such a ‘animalistic state’, in her own words, about the fear of water. She felt completely powerless, and was not a fan. She would donate blood because of the whole kinda-beat-rabies thing, but she’s AB blood type. She slowly got over the fear of consuming water, but it didn’t go 100% away. It still kind of haunts her.

She also has experimented with her remnant, (nonliving things specifically.) And studies it closely.

She has learned that the whole weird-pains thing she was experiencing for so long was actually memory from foreign remnant, and her own remnant is keeping the tomfoolery up because it has some sort of system to ‘remember’, and that foreign remnant remembers that ‘hey this hurts really bad, we’re injured’ and so hers had learned from it ‘hey this hurts really bad, we’re injured’ despite not actually experiencing the sensation itself.

She has attempted to put it under a microscope, and realized light was unable to penetrate it, however she has noticed that when set out with hydrogen peroxide, it will clump together and attempt to slide away from it. She had set it in a dish, and it flopped onto the floor with a splat. She stared at the inky black puddle dumbfounded.

She has noticed that under black light, it shimmers and glows brightly.

It is a non-Newtonian fluid. AKA it acts something like oobleck.

It floats in the middle of water as a spherical orb. It shouldn't be able to do that. Substances don't do that. Consistency of maple syrup when room temperature, however its viscosity changes with the temperature, and it gets runnier as it gets warmer. It solidifies under force, and is very crumbly.

It can boil at about the same melting point of copper, but will also spontaneously catch fire at the same time. When it catches fire, it is destroyed. And smells like burnt hair and blood (in her case specifically, Remnant from the robots smell like blood and burnt plastic/rubber, though that smell mostly comes from the body itself, rather than the remnant) It does not seem to have a vapor phase. It is either solid, liquid, or gone. Abnormal. That’s also not a thing that substances do. Might it be alive? When it is cooled to the freezing point of water, it spontaneously changes between being a solid, boiling, then becoming a liquid, and then goes back to solid, over and over again. I forgot the name for this. She also quite often looks at what she is doing and goes ‘what am I doing, I work at a hospital?’ and then continues on. (This isn’t the field she studied in.)

She was better able to do research on remnant, both because she was full of it herself, and because she was better able to see the effects, as she could pretty much study herself 24/7.

She also got more indepth research, more helpful research, as she wasnt just focusing on making herself immortal, and rather on the effects it had on objects. (cough cough, William Afton.)

No human or animal testing. She actually has morals.

Marie and William (ew)

She visited Fazbear Frights and told William (didn't know it was him because springlocked) that he was ugly. Also, she thought the whole FF thing was insensitive to the children that were murdered. And then the place burned down. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't happy that it burnt down.

Was not a very big fan of Ballora because of how sexualized she was. She recognized how she was built ‘in her image’. More like W’s gross sexualized image of an ideal wife. Ballora still makes her a little uncomfortable.

William slipped the remnant into her coffee. How tf did William ever get a woman like her.

Also, she was almost 100% the complete opposite of what William wanted in a wife (mostly just the childcare was fine with him. He wanted kids, but he didn't want to take care of them very much, thought that was her job. She made him take care of them.)

Well, if William didn't like her, why did they get married? Pretty trophy wife. Marie was drop-dead gorgous and the only woman who actually enjoyed being in his presence because she thought he was a weird little guy and found it kind of charming (she didn't see the entire picture until after marriage.) He was a intelligent weirdo, though of course, as we know, he wasn't intelligent all the time. He wasn't weird in a silly way, or a normal kind of weird way, he was weird in a 'im going to dissect this dead fox I found to see how it works inside/what it died from' kind of way.

He was a psychopath, a murderer in the making, and Marie didn't know he dissected dead things because he would go to his workshop in the shed out back. It had a cooler. And he was very sanitary with his work, and would make sure not to make a giant mess.

Marie also didn't see most of the murderer-in-the-making because she either brushed it off as him being a kind of weird, or she just was blissfully unaware.

She did see the suspicious stuff in the animatronics, though. Anytime she asked, William would give an annoyed look, scoff, and reluctantly give her a vague answer, so she mostly had to make assumptions. He left the blueprints spread out on the kitchen table one day.

Why in the world would Ballora ever need to mimic voices, if she wasn't the lead singer? Why would she need to mimic voices if she weren't some sort of puppet/play attraction? (Justified as to keep children from going places they shouldn’t. Deter and Misdirect Remote Activation.)

Why would Funtime Foxy need to copy the voice of parental figures and replay them? (She asked Henry, and he said William explained it was so that he could calm down children with a familiar, comforting voice.) Why did they have a variable scent release? (For the same reason, she guessed.)

Why did Funtime Freddy have a storage tank? (For party supplies.) Why did Bon Bon need to track parents? (To make sure that they didn’t mess with Funtime Freddy, as apparently he was messed with by adults frequently. He was not.) Why did he have voice mimicking too? (She assumed the same reason Funtime Foxy could. To calm children, and because of the hand puppet, which she didn’t realize was its own animatronic.)

Misc;

She was in the outskirts of New York during 9/11

She also had very neat, pretty handwriting until her right side went to shit.

Total sweetheart, but also badass. And intelligent. Paid close attention to details and didn't cut corners.

TEEN HIPPIE MARIE!!!!!

She is also very curious of how much damage she can take, without passing the point of no return to breathing.

Highschool sweetheart with William. Apparently her type is weird guys and just women in general LMFAO

Actively going to law school (why not)

Why does Marie look the way she does? (Piercings, ‘tattoos‘, the way she dresses?) Because she didn't like the attention of being stared at by strangers, curious as to why this random lady is in the 2000’s looking like she walked straight out of the 80’s. It was not really a disguise, but it helped her stay a little more discreet with the changing times.

Wait, how did she become immortal???? Answer; William put remnant inside of her while she was still alive, and that remnant revived her when she got brain cancer the first time. Why did she get brain cancer? It was an inherited trait from her dad’s side.

Each time she died, along with the natural decay of foreign remnant in her body that was unable to be regenerated because it was not her life force, remnant was consumed. This lead her body, the first time it died, to develop places in her brain where remnant was being produced to keep the balance. All of this occured in the right side of her brain, where the cancer was. The cancer started to produce remnant instead of malignant cells. And when she got brain cancer again, rinse and repeat.

Like a ‘hey, we brought this woman back to life but there's an imbalance in the body! That is not good! We can make more to replace what is lost! It might be better to concentrate it more as well!!! Yeah, let’s do that.'

images!

click on image for better details, it cut up the left two images.

✨️✨️ Zichaierg is my own brain child, a fictitious mushroom!! It is very parasitic!✨️✨️

!!Note to Jester ( @aceinacloset ) if you're reading this, Katherine can only properly interact with the Right side of Lavinia's body, consider it the dead half!! She can only see Katherine in her left eye, as it is the dead eye! =D also she thinks Katherine smells Iike blood and cherries. So.!!

[spideyanakin]

This is wartime/post Hogwarts though I had

MalfoySlytherin!reader is a spy for the order. No one suspects since shes a malfoy. Reader and regulus discover what LV is doing aka the hocruxes and the plotting to destroy them begins….

lightly changed a thing bc we love miscommunication that leads to the character's demise <3

all I think about now - masterlist

summary - the week following regulus's death

warnings - mention of major character death, !reader being badass!

read the part right before

Kreature had told you everything. From the tortures he endured at the hands of Voldemort he had not spoken about. How once he finally told Regulus, it had caused something in the boy's mind to explode. How from then on he decided to renounce the death eater ways and impulsively created a plan to destroy the Horcruxes, starting with the locket of Slytherin.

"He didn't speak to mistress to keep mistress and little master safe."

The words Kreature had spoken in between sniffles and panicked cries had been playing over and over in your mind as you clutched the locket with white knuckles.

Maybe it would have made the situation easier if he had been killed fighting for Voldemort.

"Kreature," you could barely see him over the tears in your eyes. "I have been working with Dumbledore since I left Hogwarts."

That seemed to bring a shock like a lightning bolt through the elf's spine, and you almost regretted speaking. You knew Kreature's loyalty lay with you, but you also knew where his political standing was.

But something sparks in your heart as you watch his ears lower, and his eyes realize--maybe he had changed sides after the horrible things the Dark Lord had made him endure.

So you had worked with him to create new memories. How Regulus died following a potential trail he had told no one about. How he was ambushed by the order and did not make it. With his consent you erased and stole his memories from that night, he assured you that his heart would know the truth.

From then on it had all been a blur of barely meant courtesies and condolences.

Your brother had asked Dobby to pack your necessities and force you to move back into the manor until all affairs were settled. He told you Narssica would take care of Perseus, to which you kept refusing as she already had a one-year-old to take care of. But Lucius had none of it, and in your grief, you could barely argue as he snatched your son away from your arms and placed him by Draco's side in the nursery.

And maybe it was for the best, because every night your eyes would barely close, and when they did they only flashed with the sight of Regulus, drowning as his body was dragged by those monsters risen from the dead.

A few days later you had a funeral without a body to bury. It had been beautiful though. Your brother somehow made an effort.

You were officially made a widow, although somehow, you didn't feel any different. Maybe it was because you had considered yourself a widow ever since Sirius had disappeared behind the curtains of your room that night two years ago.

Maybe because it felt like you were grieving your best friend rather than a husband.

Because you were.

And as you now sat by a windowsill in Regulus's study, that damned locket clutched in your hand, you felt abandoned, lonely, angry, and somehow cheated on.

You could have avoided all this. If he had just voiced his troubles. If he had just told you he did not want this life of darkness anymore.

You could have finally found a way out. Together.

That's all that played in your mind as you apparated to location twelve.

A well-kept office sat in the corner of the large room. Paintings of all sorts laid on the walls, and the chimney was crackling with warmth as your feet touched the brown and red carpet adorning the wooden floor.

The place felt so... homely.

"I have been waiting for you," Dumbledore's voice was calm as it echoed through the room. The tone of his voice only added warmth to the room.

You turned to meet his gaze. He was sat on a comfortable lounge chair by a big library with all sorts of magical books and artifacts.

"How have you been handling everything?"

His question took you aback. Did he know?

He seemed to have read your mind.

"It was in the daily prophet, just two days ago." He pointed to the journal lying on his coffee table by his side.

You took a few steps towards him, eyes finding the journal. You took it with careful hands, and suddenly you spotted the section in the left corner.

An old photo of Regulus was taking up much of the column's space, with a grim title that brought shivers down your spine.

'Yet another soul taken by the dark lord, read all about Regulus's Black tragic life.'

"Oh."

"Do not worry, they have only said good things about you."

"I was mentioned?" You bit your lip before dropping the thick newspaper back on the table.

He gazed at you from behind his half-moon glasses, and pointed to the seat in front of him, "you are very welcome to sit, Y/n."

So you did. You didn't know if it was the softness of the chair's pillows, the warmth from the chimney, or the sense of comfort that suddenly filled your senses, but a dam you didn't know you had placed suddenly broke, and before you knew it you were crying.

You told him everything. From the dream, to Kreature, to Reg's sudden change of faith, to the memories you had taken.

You were sobbing as you handed him the locket.

You only calmed down when he started picking the elf's memory from your mind, only to watch it for himself.

Dumbledore was pleased with the capture of the Horcrux. You could tell by the glint in his eyes when he placed it on his desk, and asked you to join him.

So the both of you stood in front of his desk, facing The Locket of Slytherin.

"You should be the one to destroy it."

"Pardon?"

"Regulus gave his life to find it, he would want you to do it."

"But- How?"

You barely finished your sentence when you felt something metallic shape itself in your hand.

You looked down, the air getting sucked out of your lungs when you saw the ruby-adorned sword laying in your hand.

Dumbledore almost smiled at the sight.

"The sword of Gryffindor..." You whispered in admiration. "I couldn't- I am-"

"You have proven your worth many times. The sword comes to any in need, even if they are... Slytherin."

So that's how you found yourself tightly gripping the sword of Gryffindor, swishing it with all your strength as you destroyed Salazar Slytherin's locket--forever sealing your fate in this war.

[ellakinito]

The prince...

Characters: Dark Choco cookie, Dark Cacao cookie, Lavender Snowdrop cookie, Second watcher, Advisor 3, Healer 2

inspired by gaecactae Tw: Shitty writing by me, death, isolation, trauma :>

The Dark Cacao kingdom, located on the foot of the Great icing ridge, was ruled by King Dark Cacao cookie, but was a kingdom's king complete without a queen? The kingdom didn't wait long until Dark Cacao proposed to Lavender Snowdrop cookie, a fair, beautiful, and brave woman. The king and queen were very happy, the citadel beamed with life when the news broke of a successor to the king was soon to arrive, everyone was excited to meet the successor.. But sadly, the queen had fallen ill shortly after the prince was born..It was on that night that a tragedy would change the king forever...One of the royal advisors and second watcher walked into the throne room, a sad expression on their faces.. "Your majesty...The queen...she didn't make it..."

Those words sent a pang of sadness, pain, and other feelings through the king like a lightning bolt..Dark Cacao cookie stood up, a shocked and pained expression on his face. "Wh-what?! She didn't make it?! What do you mean?!"

The king's voice was choked up with pain and sorrow, he couldn't believe it..the one he loved most was now gone...just when they had finally had the son they wanted...Second watcher sighed "I'm sorry my king...the healers couldn't do anything to save her...We'll leave you to have some time alone." The advisor and second watcher walked out of the throne room, the king stood there, tears threatening to pour out of his eyes, what would he do without his queen..his precious Lavender snowdrop..The cookie who brought a smile to many cookies' faces, the cookie who always had the calming scent of lavender with her..The cookie who meant a lot to Dark Cacao cookie.. The days passed, the king was silently grieving in his study, the incense of lavender in the air, reminding him of Lavender snowdrop cookie as he looked at a vase of lavenders. "My sweet lavender...What will i do without you? You didn't deserve this fate...You never got to meet our son.." Suddenly one of the healers entered the room, a concerned look on his face. "Your majesty! The prince won't stop crying, I-I know your still grieving but we're desperate, can you please help calm the prince down?" "Lavender snowdrop cookie...she would've wanted me to be a great father to our son...and it is my duty now that she is gone...Alright, I'll try.."

The king walked into the prince's room and saw the baby prince, no older than 3 weeks, crying in his crib. The king gently picked up the crying prince "Oh Dark Choco cookie...It's alright, I'm here.."

The king paused when he noticed the prince's eyes, they were the same carmine color as the queen's "Ah...You have her eyes. Look at you, your just as beautiful aren't you? And just as observant too..A true gift from the witches.." The prince stopped crying and looked up at his father, and giggled with a smile on his small face "Hehehe, ahaha!" "Yes, hello there. It's me..your father.." A smile formed on the king's face as he hugged his son close "Hah..Your adorable...I promise from this day forward, no harm will ever come to you..I promise my little boy…” And with that, the king made sure that the prince never left the citadel grounds, out of fear that the same fate that befell the queen, would befall the prince as well...

[xsapphirescrollsx]

Dominion

Written: Oct 17 2023

Just a lil story I wrote today. I haven't written in some time. I hope you enjoy it! I wrote this story to this song ^.^

@titty-teetee <3

The best lie ever told about them was that the sun kills. But that falsity never really affected your life, mostly. You moved through levels of society like you ruled the night, and told the sun when to rise. Your mother called you aloof, a lazy rich girl- that is if anybody outside your kinship actually knew only you pretended poverty. You didn’t need to wear a disguise like the rest of them. There was a permissive, creeping, effortless prowling that came to you naturally. You wanted to fit in, but that was like a cat feigning to be a mouse and you never outgrew that proclivity. 

And it was this attitude that made you catch hell from your sister and father when you showed up late. The building was in the shitties part of town. Barrels burned with stank garbage for warmth as you stepped out of the alley opposite. Forty floors of culture they said. Consequently hidden by poor souls soothing and numbing their bashed spirits the best they knew how, drugs. They weren’t even worth eating.

Thin black sling backs lightly tapped as you walked across the street, onto the cement sidewalk and toward the farthest left front door. Puffs of snow gathered in the corners of the brick pocket near the door. You glanced again and on closer inspection a body lay there, away from the fires out front but you kept walking.

Past the dirt covered, shabby peeling wallpaper and rusted gates separating the inside of the building from the outside grunge. You were buzzed in and immediately approached by Mer’gene, a friend, well one of the people in this world who has known you the longest besides your mother.

“You are not dressed appropriately,” she hissed and stared at the thin black shawl you wore.

Your eyes rolled from her prim expression to the crowd in the foyer that was beginning to thicken like coagulating platelets. 

“It’s busy tonight,” you half said to her, but more to yourself.

Mer’gene glanced that way, “Yes, they want to pick who’s going to be President of the United States tonight. All the Elders are here….like your forefather.”

At the mention of Charlemagne you began to peel off the shawl and handed it to Mer’gene. “Well we can’t let him get in the way of a little fun.”

Passing through the foyer you followed the flow of people dressed in their best. Opulent comes to mind once you set eyes on the familiar market. What should have been a lobby for an apartment building was lined with shops, stacked on top of other shops. Bright lighting from eternal fire flames atop of metal poles lit your way. The direct opposite of what was being the brick outside, here, inside was spotless, clean and smelled of incense. 

You window shopped for the most part, just listening to Mer’gene talk about everybody and nothing at the same time as you imagined owning a five thousand year old human leather purse. A normal Wednesday night.

A pop and flash came from somewhere on the fourth floor shops. You ignored it at first and chalked it up to a grieving kin who decided to self immolation. A scream, shrieked inhumanly into the air. All stopped and turned toward the sound. It was an alarm. It was a call to evacuate and didn’t have to be told twice. 

Once again you were ushered out with the crowd toward an exit that emptied out into an alley. Bright daybreak rose over the galvanized fence to the east in the grimy alley. Beyond it police cars lined the street, a smile began to crease your lips. A bushy haired man in a sweater and his badge clipped on his hip near his gun stood. 

There he was.

Outside on the streets in this location had you looking wholly out of place. But it didn’t stop you from approaching the cops. Innocently you gazed around, swayed in your step, maybe applied phony little hiccups. That caught his attention, god you were great at pretending weakness. 

“Ma’am, what made you think you could cross that yellow tape?” the man pointed back behind you but choosing not to look you stared at him forcing your eyes to dilate in the morning light. “Are you on somethin’?” he questioned again. 

You stepped forward, attempted to speak and promptly fainted. 

“Shit,” you heard him say as he caught your waist. 

“You got that one?” said another cop's voice. “She looks thick, might hurt your back.”

You made note of that remark and silently vowed to see what he tasted like - later.

“No I got her. She’s probably a rich asshole hopped up on something. I’ll take her back to the SUV.”

The man dragged you the best he could around the waist as you completely let yourself dead weigh him. One car, four cars, and finally around the corner away from the crime scene you heard the door open as he still struggled with your body. So you decided to start slurring your words and reacting to be held by a ‘stranger’.

“Let me go you fuckin’ bastard,” you spit out, wiped your mouth and struggled to stand. “You took me out here! You said we would have a great time…” you began to cry a bit to make it look convincing. 

The cop pushed you into the back seat and slammed the door. You leaned against the door and watched him walk around the front. His head pivoted while his eyes seemed to look for people who might be watching. You shut your eyes as he opened the door and got in the back seat with you. 

You breathed lightly as if you were sleeping.

“Did you get your self drugged?” he asked quietly. 

Your non beating heart would've jumped if it was alive at the insinuation. 

You felt him move closer and move his arm over the back of the seat. His other hand was on your knee.

Suddenly he was closer to your face, your ear. “Hey. Hey are you awake?” he whispered. His hand began to caress up your thigh.

A dirty cop! You felt yourself begin to get wet. 

“You’re in safe hands sweetheart,” his lips murmured on your cheek. He moved his hand from your thigh. He grabbed your wrist and placed your hand on the hard chub underneath his jeans. 

“How’s that feel?” He forced your hand to continue to rub him. “Slutty little bitch on the streets, huh?” he croaked.

Your teeth pricked the inside of your cheek. Fuck it, you couldn’t hold out any more.

“It feels like I need to make you mine,” you opened your eyes and stared back at him completely lucid. Your lips drew back over the sharp canines in a lovely, perfect smile.

----

....to be continued?

[loony-moonsims]

Entry 4:

Its a good day if u talk to ur crow at least once, I'm telling you! This creatures are just so beautiful and magectis!

So... I made progress with the Boss. We are a thing now? In a way I guess. Also, I tried finding friends online, waiting for response... The time is killing me - both metaphorically and legitemately...

About work:

I was FINALLY assigned an actual case! Those I think I know why I was sent there... This family... They were the most weird and annoying clients ever!

So, I entered the location and instead of full-on-grieving family - I saw one sad old lady (Minevra Charm). Engaged ones (Emilia-the-blondie and Darrel-the-weird-one) were getting hot, thankfully, far from my eyesight, but NOT FAR ENOUGH FOR MY EARS! And Gemma was just sitting in the kitchen (where body was btw) and eating.

The almost-married couple had the nerves to come in the kitchen half-nacked and then BEG ME TO BRING MINEVRA'S HUSBAND BACK! The audacity of those younf people!

I, obviously, took him to the other side - I'm sure he'll be much better there, away from those almost-wed disrespectful people. Minevra was, obviously sad, but I tried to help her a bit, she seemed fine when I went away.

After that I did some cleaning at home. Look at this doll's eyes... Theres nothing behind them...

The hands were cool, but I dont want to freak out the neightbours, so they had to go(

That's about it for entry 4, hopefully, my Internet friend will find me soon :D

Entry 3 | Entry 5

[fairytalesofthewind]

With Darkness comes Night II

Feysand x reader fic

Chapter 0

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Vermax, Xoalloit, Ragos and Lyssi, four of your most loyal darlings were now gone. Taken away by a sickness even the oldest of Fae in the Dark Forest couldn’t identify. Even the Allknowing couldn’t see what or who was making your children sick. No one knew and most were too scared to find out. They feared to fall into the same abbyss of darkness and oblivion the other Dark Creatures had fallen into. You also feared others would get infected with this cycle of death. Fortunately, the High Lord and the High Lady thought the same. Because, this plague didn’t only kill those infected, but also many around them. The sickness infected the mind until its bearer only had one thing left in its mind.

Death

You had already lost four of your most loyal children, yet you feared it would not take long before more lives would be taken by the fast-spreading sickness. Your dear twins had already left. They could not bear the heartbreak of their visions about their sibling‘s deaths and your own grief. So, you could not depend on their knowledge for the next step. Even when they left, no words of wisdom were shared. It was too much for them to speak of the monstrosities, yet you really wished they were here. Not only for their powers, but also just to hold them close.

Your days blended together. Either you spend them in your bed, unmoving and grieving. Or you spend them searching through the forest, desperate to find the source of the sickness. You tried to follow the path your children took in the last days before they died, but it held no pattern. The source was ever-moving, and it made you think that it wasn’t caused by something but rather someone. Someone who had knowledge of the Dark Forest and knew how to survive it. Someone who knew the ancient paths and the location of the creatures you held dear.

It had been roughly a week since the High Lord and the Inner Circle visited you, yet you had gained no further insight. You knew that the infection started in the brain and affected the very core of the soul. It made the infected forget everything. They forgot about themselves, all their memories, and their surroundings. They forgot about you, their mother. All they knew was to kill. To destroy. The infection fed on their emotions and memories, so that only their base instinct of protecting themselves and attacking others was left.

The infection wasn’t spread by sickness or blood; it was spread by magic. A dark sort of magic that had nothing to do with yours, so a magic that shouldn’t even be able to exist. It must be an otherworldly type of magic.

You also knew that someone else got infected. The strange magic had intensified in the air; it was like a force pressing down on you. Yet, you did not know who would be next. The magic had a foul stench. Your senses ached as you tried to follow it, and everything screamed at you to stop following the trail of dark magic, but you couldn’t possibly abandon whoever was infected.

It took five days before you felt someone trying to breach the border, separating the Dark Forest from a northern war camp. You recognized the magic trying to break your walls, and the recognition broke your heart. Under the stench of the creator of this plague, you weren't able to identify him before. 

It was Ember, one of your young ones. Well, young for Faes... Unfortunately, his raw and furious magic made a hole in the border before you could reach him. The smell of the plague overpowered the locations Ember had visited. Everything smelled fresh, as if you had just missed him. That couldn’t be true, as Ember was days ahead of you on foot. Another thing you learned about this infection, this plague, is that it broke whatever bond you had with them. Not only as their mother, of course, but also as their Master. The laws of this forest, magical laws, bonds, and deals simply vanished. Whatever tied them to this forest and to you disappeared. Not only that, the plague made them powerful and almost too hard to kill.

That’s why you were so worried that Ember had reached the war camp. His only instinct was to kill, and he wasn’t going to be stopped by them anytime soon because they were simply not capable. You were, but how could you possibly kill your own child?

Luckily, one of your many powers was that you could winnow yourself between the folds of the shadows. When you reached the scene, many lives had already been taken. This plague spared no one. Ember was tearing his way through the camp, and had you not been born during Chaos, you would not be able to make sense of his goal. But you were born during chaos; it was second nature to you, beside darkness, and between the deaths and violence, you could see exactly where Ember was heading.

The son of the High Lord, Nyx.

He was still untrained, young, and apparently alone. You did not spot anyone of his family nearby. You wanted to reach the prince before it was too late, but the Illyrian soldiers saw you as the enemy too. Winnowing with that many around could go wrong, especially nearby Ember, as he could react terribly at your sudden presence.

You couldn’t, however, kill the soldiers in your way; that would only aggravate the situation. You eventually neared the prince, not as fast as you wished, but luckily you weren’t the only one besides Ember getting close. The Inner Circle was finally present and helping wherever they could. Evacuating, mostly, and getting ready to kill the so-called monster

They forgot one thing. Ember was special. Poisonous, as many of your children are, but also nearly unkillable. The only thing that could kill him was the spear made out of the same power as the one he was created from. There’s only one person who could wield that spear. The Keeper of the Forest, you.

You had to remind yourself that the creature attacking the camp and the prince, wasn’t your Ember anymore. His mind, soul, and body had already succumbed to the plague. However, that was easier said than done.

"And where do you think you’re going, Keeper?" Not her again, you thought. Amren must be the most aggravating Second in Command any of the Keepers ever had the displeasure of meeting.

"I’m the only one capable of stopping this. So if I were you, I’d get out of my way." The woman in front of you scoffed.

"You mean, the one who started this? The one commanding these creatures to attack our camps?" So not only was Amren annoying and a hypocrite, she was also daft. It was not so long ago that you made it clear you weren’t behind the attacks. Both their people and yours are the victims of this plague. You didn't have time to explain this again, so you did what anyone would do: give the tiny one some sleepy time.

Amren was charging at you with all her might, yet with your powers, all you had to do was point your spear towards her and blast, and down she went. Stepping over her unconscious body, you had to navigate yourself again amidst the chaos. It wasn’t difficult to find the prince, as he was directly under Ember. His blood was already spreading in the snow underneath him, contrasting with his entirely black suit. If the situation hadn’t been so dire, you would have called it a pretty sight.

Ember was special—special in a dangerous way. He was created after the first war with the Hybern King, designed to be hard to kill and impossible to survive. His venom was fatal to anyone but the Keeper and their children. And the Keeper was the only one fatal to Ember. You, his master and mother, were the only one who could kill him. The only one who could stop him from completely ripping the High Lord’s son apart.

You could already hear the screams of agony from him and his mate, crying out for their son. Their pain strung a cord deep inside of you, one you had never felt before. The unknown feeling was unfamiliar, but it only cemented your decision.

You twisted the ancient spear in your hand and let muscle memory do the rest. Your weapon went directly into Ember’s heart and evaporated him from the inside out. As you fell to your knees in the blood-covered snow, you realized you couldn’t even hold Ember in his last moments. You could only watch as whatever was left of him was blown away by the wind.

It hurt, not only mentally but physically. Not only because you lost a child, but because of the magic that tied him to you. You crumbled more into yourself, covering your ears against the screams you heard, unaware that they were your own.

You distinctively felt arms coming around your body, urging you up. From the corner of your eyes, you saw the scars covering them, but you had already felt his presence. Your lovely Shadowsinger.

"You have to leave. The people here want to kill you." He urged you more as the mourning and angry Illyrian soldiers came closer to you. It didn’t matter to them that you had just killed Ember; they wanted your blood.

Another scream, not your own, was heard, and both of your heads snapped up to the commotion. It was Nyx.

The High Lord was looking at you desperately for answers. Why weren’t the wounds healing? Why, every time Feyre healed them, they opened back up? You shook your head mournfully. There was nothing to be done. Ember’s venom had already spread throughout his body. Even if they found a way to heal his wounds, the venom would kill him. Rhysand collapsed even more to the ground, cradling his son closer to him.

Unable to see the deaths of two sons, you winnowed back to your Forest.

Taglist: (I’ve never had one of these before!! :)) )

@starryhiraeth @winterrainworld

[cosmicjoke]

hi there !! thank u sm for answering my ask about the whereabouts of the scouts hq! i guess it's open to speculation of the location prior to the fall of wall maria ( or as i'd liked to call it "free real estate" lol ). anyways, i have another question for you if you don't mind! i love your analysis on levi and how emotionally intelligent he is and how he's in-tune with his emotions. i was wondering, do you think levi is the type to outwardly grieve at all? perhaps in privacy of his own quarters? we seem some subtle moments like when og levi squad dies as an example and we never see him fully cry until the finale. aside those small, yet very impactful moments, do you think he shows his grief in a more expressive way? if so, how do you envision it?

personally, i dont depict levi to be the type to showcase anger through his grief ( i guess unless zeke is involved lol ), but i feel like some days would be extremely difficult for him as he carries around the weight of his dead comrades and friends, especially at night when he's alone. i don't think he cries often, most likely due to growing up in the underground and kenny's "parental teachings", but as i said, i believe there are rare days where it's just too much, ya know?

regardless of my opinions, i would like to hear your thoughts and viewpoint on this !! thank you <3

Hi there!

Thank you for the ask, and I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help with your first! But this one hopefully I can give a better answer, haha.

We do have one, clear instant of seeing Levi express his grief outwardly, of course, and that's when Furlan and Isabel died. And Levi very much did express his grief through anger then. I would even say Levi was enraged, which we never really saw from him again. Even when Zeke forced Levi to kill so many of his own comrades, after turning them into titans, Levi's anger afterward was very controlled and measured, though still apparent. Maybe the closest we see to Levi becoming angry before then is the first time he takes Zeke down, in Shinganshina, after he cuts him out of his titan. But nothing really comes close to the outpouring of intense despair we see from him with Furlan and Isabel.

That probably has something to do with the fact that they were his family. I always say Furlan and Isabel were probably the two people who were closest to Levi in his life. The only two people who understood where he'd come from, because they came from there too. And also because they were the first, two people he really lost to the titan threat. He'd only seen one other person eaten by a titan before then. A soldier whom Levi likely had no relationship with at all. We have to remember, when Levi first joined the SC, he, Furlan and Isabel were outcasts. Nobody liked them, and nobody really talked to them or treated them kindly, outside of Erwin and Hange. The others he saw killed by titans, he only saw the aftermath of. But with Furlan and Isabel, he actually saw them directly eaten, right in front of him, and for all his great strength, he was powerless to stop it from happening.

For all the criticisms I often see lobbed at the anime adaptation of "No Regrets", I won't ever forget the raw emotion we hear in Levi's voice when he kills the titan that killed him family. We never hear Levi like that again. So enraged he sounds like he's on the verge of sobs. That was Levi losing the only two people he had in his life. His chosen family. His two first and best friends. That was Levi losing his whole world. His rage at Erwin afterward was also a manifestation of that pain. He was overcome by his grief in that moment.

I think, after that, Levi was able to form other connections, and other bonds. Especially with Hange and Erwin, and of course his own squad. And I think he felt the pain of their loss just as keenly as he did Isabel and Furlan. But by then, in order to keep moving forward himself, in order to keep fighting, Levi needed to learn to control that grief and keep it locked away. To not let it consume him or distract him. It's never been that Levi doesn't feel every loss with deep, genuine emotion, or that he's unaffected, or removed from the feeling of loss. He's always been, I think, more deeply impacted by the loss of life than anyone. He just learned to control that feeling, and more for the sake of others than for himself. He wants to stay strong so that he can do his job of protecting and fighting for others. He doesn't allow himself to wallow in his grief because he thinks it might compromise his duty to others. And that's Levi's selflessness again.

I'm certain there's been many, MANY moments in which Levi felt an overwhelming despair. I just spoke about this, in my post about how Levi more often looks sad to me than stoic. I think, when he's at rest especially, we see Levi's grief manifest on his face and in his body language. When there's nothing for him to channel his grief and despair into, it shows plainly on him. So I wouldn't be surprised if, when he had moments alone, he did give into it, if only a little. Levi doesn't strike me as much of a crier. I have a hard time picturing him really openly sobbing, for example. But he is capable of tears, and he may indeed have shed tears in private moments, when he felt sure it wouldn't negatively impact anyone around him.

There's of course something deeply tragic in that. In Levi feeling the NEED to hide his grief. To not let it show for fear of it somehow affecting others. That he feels his grief is less important than his duty toward protecting others. That he shouldn't be allowed to indulge in it. And we know this is an attitude with Levi only holds for himself. Because he never scolds anyone else for giving in to THEIR grief, and in fact does the opposite, providing them with what comfort and reassurance he can. The first time we meet Levi, he's comforting a dying soldier who's crying, wondering if he'd done his duty, holding his hand and telling him that he's done more than enough. Or with the soldier who lead the titans to them after the disaster with the Female Titan. Instead of scolding that soldier for allowing his grief to endanger the entire unit, Levi gave him Petra's patch, and told him it was his friends, just to comfort him. Or when Eren begins crying when they're all trapped in the cavern underneath Rod Reiss' estate, and while everyone else is yelling at him, telling him to man up, Levi doesn't yell at him at all, despite the peril they're all in. He instead tells Eren he's sorry to have to ask for his help again, and after Eren is able to save them, he's the only one to thank Eren and express his gratitude by telling him that it's thanks to his efforts that they'll be able to retake Wall Maria again. Or when he tells Erwin thank you, after Erwin confesses to his own grief and guilt. Instead of scolding Erwin for showing weakness in the face of catastrophe, he tells Erwin that it's thanks to him that the SC was able to get as far as it had. He tells Erwin he's been a great leader.

Even while Levi denies himself the comfort of his own grief, he never denies it to anyone else. And once again, that's Levi's selflessness manifesting. And it's heartbreaking to realize, because again, I think Levi probably feels things more deeply than anyone. I think he's more hurt by the loss of his comrades than anyone. But he won't allow himself to really process that hurt, or find any solace by giving in to his grief.

[themirokai]

The Bell Bird - Chapter 5 (Final)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4.

In this chapter, we find resolution.

Immense thanks to @argylepiratewd for invaluable proofreading and @once-in-a-blue-moon-rising for Brit-picking and beta reading (including ridding the work of z’s). You both made this so much better.

Chapter is 2,248 words.

Read the final chapter below or on AO3.

~*~

Mycroft watched Gregory as he located each of the agents within the concert hall. One was working the spotlight, two were ushers, and two were audience members. There were others backstage and outside the venue. While Mycroft was confident that it would not be needed, both he and Gregory were armed, as they had been for Jenny’s last performance. He might not admit it out loud, but he found the weight of the steel-handled walking stick comforting.

Jenny’s regalia for that night’s concert was a shimmering white sheath dress: gorgeous but much less showy than the blue gown. Her blonde hair was down but swept off to one side. The programme was different as well. Several of the songs were about grief and loss, and this time it was not just her voice but the depth of the emotion she conveyed that captivated the audience.

As Jenny’s voice rose and fell in a mournful melody, Mycroft wondered if she was grieving the end of her illicit career as she knew it, or if she – like he – was thinking about her father.

Mycroft had been on the wrong continent when David had been murdered. The fact that he had had no idea it was coming, and so had done nothing to stop it, still galled him all these years later. Even though they had no longer been close, had only seen each other once every few years since David’s marriage, knowing that he was gone still hurt deeply.

And that hurt was echoed in every note Jenny sang. Mycroft chided himself for thinking her motivation could have been anything else. When the song ended, he found himself with damp eyes. Gregory must have observed his display of emotion because he took Mycroft’s hand, pressed it to his chest, then kissed it. Mycroft gave him a somewhat watery smile.

In the car after the concert, Simmons handed Mycroft his comm link, and he put it in his ear.

“Holmes is on,” he told the agents on the line. “But this is Ahmad’s operation. I’m just here to be kept informed.”

A chorus of “yes, sirs”, mostly mumbled, came back.

Mycroft switched the comm to listening-only mode and leaned back in his seat, trying to take a deep breath.

“They’ll get him.”

Mycroft turned to look at Gregory.

“Your people are really good because you’ve trained them,” Gregory continued. “They know this is important to you, and all the ones I’ve talked to over the years are desperate to please you.”

Mycroft huffed. “And the team that lost him at Heathrow?”

“They’re probably distraught,” Gregory said. “And that’s that much more of a motivator to the ones who are here.”

Mycroft knew, intellectually, that he was right. He squeezed Gregory’s hand and looked out the window.

Just after midnight, there was still no sign of the Black Tornado. This wasn’t entirely unexpected and Mycroft remained confident that the attack would come before sunup. Things were very quiet on the comm. Most of the agents were alone: guarding or patrolling individual areas. Mycroft could tell when Ahmad muted her comm to talk to Jenny, but she always turned it back on.

Though he had booked the inn’s largest suite, it still felt confined – he’d had more trouble than he would ever admit with small spaces after the cell in Syria – and he stood abruptly, pushing aside the Abu Dhabi report which he hadn’t really been reading for the better part of an hour.

Gregory stirred from where he had been dozing on the couch. “Something happening?” he muttered.

“No, dear, I’m just going to stretch my legs,” Mycroft told him. “I’ll be back shortly.”

Gregory gave a hum and closed his eyes again.

Mycroft slipped out of the room, down the stairs, and out the front door of the inn. He drew deep lungfuls of the cool night air and did not flinch when the door opened again behind him.

“You alright, sir?” Romer asked quietly, stepping up beside him.

Mycroft nodded. “Just wanted a change of scenery.” He turned to Romer. “Do you have a cigarette on you?”

“Mmhm.” Romer reached into his inner pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, which he held out to Mycroft. “Thought you had quit, sir.”

Mycroft took one. “Thank you, my boy.” He leaned forward for Romer to light it for him and took a long drag. “Extenuating circumstances,” he said as he exhaled. Mycroft took another drag and blew the smoke up into the sky, pushing his left hand into the pocket of his dinner trousers. While he had undone his black bow tie and it hung loosely around his neck, that was the only sartorial concession he had made to the fact that the concert had ended hours ago.

He and Romer smoked in silence for a time.

“Sir, are you really going to reassign the team that was at Heathrow for more training?”

Mycroft took another drag before answering. “I suspect you all could use some additional crowd training. Well… maybe not you, Mr. Romer. I should have had you at Heathrow.” In his peripheral vision he saw Romer stare at the ground with a wide smile. “How would you like to conduct the training for your colleagues?”

Romer’s smile faded and he shifted uncomfortably, eyes still fixed on the ground. “I don’t… I don’t really know how I do what I do, sir. Like it just… sort of happens. I don’t know if I could explain it.” He looked at Mycroft, worried. “Is that bad?”

Mycroft patted his shoulder. “No, Peter. It’s not bad. It means you’re using instinct. Start making some mental notes of what you’re doing when you’re tracking someone. You’ll be able to explain it in time.”

Romer’s smile was back. “I will, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Mycroft took one last drag, then dropped the cigarette and crushed it under his heel. “I’m going back in. Thank you for the cigarette, my boy.”

“Anytime, Mr. Holmes.”

Mycroft still had his hand on the door to the suite, and Gregory was just waking up at the sound of his entry, when over the comm there was a gasp followed by a grunt, then the sound of an impact.

“He’s here!” Ahmad shouted.

Mycroft shut the door quickly and tapped his comm so that the team could hear him. “Waldron, Keller! Get in there!”

“Twenty seconds!” Waldron replied.

Mycroft heard the thudding and grunts of a fight.

“Bell Bird!” Ahmad gasped, then, “Oh. Oh. Holy shit.”

More thudding, this time further from Ahmad’s comm, then the unmistakable gurgle of a windpipe being squeezed.

“The syringe!” Jenny shouted. “Quick!”

Movement, and then there was the thump of a body hitting the ground at the same time as the bang of a door being forced open. Mycroft heard lots of rapid breathing.

“Someone report!” he said, unable to take it anymore.

“Sir,” Ahmad said, still breathing heavily, “Bell Bird is amazing. She just… I’ve never seen anyone fight like that.”

A sound followed that was suspiciously like kissing.

“Black Tornado is down,” Waldron reported. “They sedated him. We’ve got him tied.”

“Ahmad,” Mycroft said, “are you or Jenny hurt?”

Gregory was staring at him intently.

“Nah, sir,” Ahmad said, a bit out of breath. “I might have a shiner tomorrow. Jenny might have some bloody knuckles, but we’re fine. We’re all fine.”

Mycroft breathed a sigh of relief and nodded to Gregory, who flopped back against the sofa.

“Everyone else, report,” Mycroft instructed.

The rest of the team checked in as unharmed. It seemed the Black Tornado had been able to evade their perimeter. While that showed flaws, they were flaws to be dealt with at another time.

“Very well,” Mycroft said. “Take shifts tonight. I want an awake guard on the Black Tornado at all times, even though he is sedated. Ahmad, you and Jenny are to get some rest. You will bring the Black Tornado to me in the morning once he is awake.”

There was a chorus of “yes, sirs.”

“Holmes out.”

Mycroft removed the comm from his ear and dropped onto the couch beside Gregory.

“Everyone’s okay?” Gregory asked quietly.

“Everyone except the Black Tornado.”

“Good.”

The following morning, Wilkinson had managed to have the inn’s flagstone patio cleared of everyone except Mycroft and Gregory. The sun was shining brightly enough that they were both wearing sunglasses as they ate their breakfast. The tea was good, but the croissants were too dense. Mycroft hardly cared.

“They’re pulling up now, sir,” Wilkinson said over the comm.

Mycroft dabbed his mouth with his napkin, then tapped his earpiece. “Very good, Wilkinson. Make sure they’re not observed as they come around.”

“Yes, sir.”

Mycroft turned to Gregory. “I suppose having involved you thus far, it would be foolish to suggest that you wait inside while I deal with this?”

“Yep,” Gregory said, with a broad smile.

Mycroft took a deep breath and nodded. “I would just ask that you not allow it to alter how you feel about me.”

Gregory reached across the table to squeeze his hand. “Nothing could, darling.”

“And you must remain completely silent.”

“I promise.”

A moment later, Ahmad, Jenny, and other agents from the team came across the grass, leading a small, slim man who was bound, gagged, and blindfolded. There was a bruise blooming on Ahmad’s cheek and Jenny’s knuckles looked worse for wear.

When they were in front of Mycroft, Jenny delivered an efficient kick to the back of Black Tornado’s legs, and he fell to his knees, but was saved from falling on his face as she grabbed one of his arms.

“Leave the blindfold on. Remove the gag,” Mycroft instructed, and Ahmad quickly complied.

Mycroft took another sip of tea, then turned in his chair to face the man directly. “Do you know who I am?” he asked.

“I’ve got a pretty good guess,” the Black Tornado rasped. Jenny must have damaged his windpipe in the fight the night before.

“Did you think that it was safe for you to operate in the United Kingdom?” Mycroft asked.

“Gave your guys the slip at least twice, didn’t I?”

Mycroft raised an eyebrow. “And yet here you are.”

The Black Tornado cleared his throat, then coughed. “You have to know who she is, right? Your reputation, you must. The Bell Bird is one of the best assassins on the market. Let me take her off your hands, we’ll leave jolly old England and neither of us will trouble you again. Especially her.”

Mycroft laughed. “I do appreciate your nerve, Black Tornado.” He took another sip of tea. “No, you are being arrested for the murders of Jeremy Blackwell and Serena Kalinova. And I’m sure once we’ve had a longer chat we’ll find some others I can charge you with as well. But before you go to be tried by a secret tribunal to spend the rest of your days in prison, you are going to send a message to every single one of your contacts in the criminal underworld.”

“Psh. Why would I do anything for you?”

“Because,” Mycroft said, “I have complete control over the… comfort of your stay in ‘jolly old England’. And I would encourage you to think of what you know of my reputation.”

The Black Tornado considered for several seconds before grimacing and taking a breath. “What’s the message?”

“That the Bell Bird is a member of the Antarctica Unit, and she is under Antarctica’s personal protection. Anyone thinking of harming her should know that there will be repercussions.”

“Yeah,” the Black Tornado said, “okay.”

Mycroft looked up at Jenny to see her eyes bright and a warm smile on her face. He nodded at her and she nodded back. Mycroft turned to Ahmad. “Take him away.”

Ahmad grabbed the Black Tornado’s arm and hauled him to his feet, then she, Jenny, and the rest of the agents marched him off.

Mycroft turned back to Gregory, who was smiling at him.

“What is it?” Mycroft asked.

“Antarctica?”

Mycroft breathed a sigh of relief. If that was Gregory’s first question after watching the encounter, they would probably be alright.

“Apparently in the early part of my career, my colleagues found me… chilly,” he said.

“Hm.” Gregory reached across the table to take Mycroft’s hand, then leaned forward to kiss it. “I don’t find you chilly. Actually, watching you work has been rather hot.”

Mycroft couldn’t help but laugh. “That was terrible, Gregory.”

Gregory shrugged. “You didn’t get much sleep last night. I think we should go back to bed.”

———

Romer, Ahmad, and Jenny watched as agents loaded the Black Tornado into a windowless van.

“You know,” Romer said, “you’re really not a bad singer, Bell Bird.”

Jenny’s mouth dropped open. “I—” she stopped herself. She was smart enough to recognise bait when she saw it. “Thank you, Mr. … I’m not calling you Glasgow, that’s clearly not your real code name.”

“You’re right, but I’m not telling you my name. You’re gonna have to earn that.”

Ahmad sighed. “Oh come off it, R—”

“Bip bip bip bip bip!” Romer cut her off. “Mr. Holmes didn’t tell her my name, and you’re not going to either. I don’t care how horny she makes you.”

Ahmad spluttered indignantly, but Romer ignored her and turned back to Jenny.

“Don’t worry, Bell Bird. I’m sure we’ll make an agent out of you yet.”

Ahmad slipped her hand into Jenny’s. “We definitely will.”

~*~

Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed the story, I appreciate you letting me know.

[essektheylyss]

WWE Round 2: Time to (W)RUMBLE

(Vince McSam's manager has not yet taken our calls.)

With round one officially closed, we welcome our winners to round two, and bid our losers a fond adieu. (Except you, Ludinus. You and your moon can go get fucked.)

As a note, I welcome any and all election interference. Campaigning in front of polling locations is not only allowed, but also encouraged. Honestly, from here on out, it could get really interesting. I personally will not weigh in unless I know my opinion will hold no sway (rip Jenna Iresor, my beloved, you deserved to beat Dr. Ripley to a pulp) or it'd be really, really funny.

On that note, let's see who's competing next!

These polls will launch this evening, staggered, starting at 4:00pm PST, and once again will run for one day. As before, please check the tag here to find the polls, as well as the rankings.

Match 1: Architect Arcane Laerryn Coramar-Seelie vs Eadwulf Grieve Match 2: Keeper of Scrolls Patia Por'co vs Doctor Anna Ripley Match 3: Former Shadowhand Essek Thelyss vs Archmage of Antiquities Vess DeRogna Match 4: Arcanist Allura Vysoren vs Archmage of Civil Influence Astrid Beck Match 5: Caleb Widogast vs Vespin Chloras Match 6: Lady Delilah Briarwood vs Archmage of Cultivation Oremid Hass Match 7: Veth Brenatto vs Pumat Sol Match 8: Yussa Errenis vs Planerider Ryn

May the shady, underhanded wizard dealings be ever in your favor.

[lemonynuggets]

Lemony, how do u rank the ordem paranormal seasons and why?

Also, how hype r u to enigma do medo?

OK SO

1. o segredo na floresta - my favorite season ever and this hasn’t changed since I first watched it, I followed it while it was happening!! I didn’t watch it live because I’ve always hated watching lives but every week I’d watch the episodes when they came out on youtube and BY GODS this season is so special to me. I can’t even put into words why I love this season so much it just kinda grabbed me by the throat and forced me to be clinically insane about it forever and ever (shout out to my osnf book and paper stands I made bc I’m too poor to buy any other merch)

2. O segredo na ilha - BEAUTIFUL SHOWSTOPPING. “Haha your two favorite seasons are o segredo na [insert location] IM PREDICTABLE IM SORRY. Ok but osni is amazing, the vibes are spot on, the characters are great, we get to see the elements being used in different ways (blood being used for the paint and the paintings enhancing the observer’s feelings to cause fear or dependence. Absolutely insane /pos), we learn a little more about tenebris (very little but still), and idk man I just really vibe with osni

3. Sinais do outro lado - it’s a fun season, I love Xande and Guizo and I really like how the seasons is about aliens?? Like this works to show how the paranormal manifests based on what people fear and this can include. Aliens. And I think that’s fun + MORE TENEBRIS!! Yayyy I’m so curious about tenebris

4. Desconjuração - ok so i complain a lot about opd because it’s a very tiresome season to watch for me, there’s way too much fighting and way too little investigation for my taste (coughs in osnf fan) and I really don’t vibe with some of the characters, but I really really like Kaiser and Arthur’s development in it along with us getting to see more Agatha and Ivete aka my favorite npcs ever, and I really like Dante he’s such an interesting character!!! And also I watched the last ep at like 2am and I cried for an hour when I finished it and then I couldn’t sleep and then I grieved Kaiser for a month

5. Calamidade - SHOCKING NEWS: guy who complains about opd all the time places opc lower than it on the ordem seasons rank. For as much as I love Rubens and the anfitrião sequence I’ll have to say calamidade was a very neutral season to me, it’s somewhat forgettable? Like I retained very little details from it and I have a very neutral opinions towards it in general, it’s not a bad season but it could’ve been way more interesting

6. Quarentena - I’m gonna be completely honest with you, I only watched about 30 minutes of it and I couldn’t watch the rest. As someone who is very bad with changes (some may say it’s autism), the fact that none of the players are familiar, they’re using the survival horror version of the system and its all in english drives me nuts… I get they’re speaking English bc most of the players don’t speak Portuguese but it just feels so. Wrong to me, it takes away an essential part of ordem to me which is the fact it’s national, it’s a piece of media from my country that’s really good and that I’m super passionate about and! It’s in my language and set in my country and has pieces of my culture and that’s Brazilian art baby!! Everything else is already in english and made to appeal to an English speaking audience, hell I’m even speaking english right now, it just feels like they’re taking away ordem’s identity when they make it In English tm yk. I don’t care if people from other countries are getting into ordem, I’ve made a few non-Brazilian friends and mutuals get into it myself, what bothers me is they’re all coming from opq and most of them stay at opq and don’t bother to watch any other seasons + 90% of the ordem content I find on tumblr is opq and it drives me INSANE. I might eventually get my shit together and watch the rest of it just to say I watched it but yeah not right now

I’m not so sure about sdol’s place in this rank but it is what it is and I don’t know what it is

ALSO I CAN ASSURE YOU IM GOING INSANR ABOUT ENIGMA DO MEDO I CANT WAIT MAN !!! YAYAYAYAY

[mybigfatheartpoems]

heartbreak in 11 parts (unsent texts.)

1. I’d like to pretend that I’m fine, that I’m moving on and doing okay, but I’m not okay. I still cry about you. I think about you every day. Every song reminds me of you. I miss your arms around me and your hands and your mouth. I miss your eyes. I miss hearing you say you’re obsessed with me. It’s insane and sad and nonsensical. You’re a ghost in my head. I can’t get rid of you.

2. The truth is, I’d still give you my heart if you asked for it. If you told me tomorrow that you wanted me back, I’d run to you without question. I’d kiss you until we forgot we were ever apart. And somewhere in my mind, I’d think — this is a huge risk. I’d ask myself, are you sure? What if he hurts you again? What if you ruin each other? What if you’re still not enough for him? Do you really want to take that chance? And the answer would be yes. Obviously it wouldn’t be easy, it would take work and patience and conflict and compromise, but you’d be worth it. If there’s a chance it could work, I’d still want to try. You made my heart so happy in the short time we were together that any more time with you would be precious in and of itself, regardless of the outcome. Knowing you is a gift. Loving you would be effortless. And I want to, god I want to.

I understand your hesitation. I know your concerns and they’re valid and important. I know why you don’t think we have a chance. I just can’t help wondering, is this truly how it’s supposed to be if we both hate it so much? If it feels so wrong? Everything in me is telling me to fight for this, to convince you to live in the moment with me, but logically I know it would be pointless. Idk. Something about us is special. The way we fit, our common interests, our similarities, the timing, the chemistry, our locations — it felt like fate. I’ve been grieving this loss for weeks and I’m no closer to acceptance.

I’m grateful to have you in my life in whatever way I can, full stop. You’re amazing and I don’t want to lose you, and I’d be honored to be your friend. I’m just not sure I’ll find this kind of connection with someone else. Maybe someday, years from now, but I just want you. It’s pathetic and selfish and scary but it’s how I feel. I don’t want to feel this way, I wish I could turn it off, wish I could break this magnetic pull you have on me, but I can’t. Why is it so hard?

I know this is a lot and it’s unfair, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to overwhelm you just because I am overwhelmed with everything I’m still feeling. You owe me nothing. I just want you so badly and everything hurts.

3. One of the hardest parts of this is not inviting you over when I’m home with nothing to do. I’ve never craved someone like this.

4. You said it was me, that I was your type. I can still be your type. I still wanna be yours.

5. Maybe this is all just temporary infatuation. Maybe I’m being childish, thinking these feelings won’t one day disappear, like they all do. Maybe it’s naïve, imagining a future with you where there isn’t one. I have too much hope. I want more than I can have.

6. I’m trying to tell myself that everything happens for a reason, that maybe I’m better off without you, that I’ll feel better once more time passes, but it all sounds like bullshit. Not talking to you, trying not to think about you, it feels wrong. I hate this. I can’t stand it.

7. Sometimes it hurts so bad I don’t want to get out of bed. I do, because I have to, but it’s hard. There’s a pit in my stomach and I’m nauseous about it all day. Some days I’m fine, I’m distracted, I can forget for a while. But when I’m alone with my thoughts, it just hurts.

8. I’m realizing the space that you need doesn’t help me at all, but I know this isn’t just about me. I want you to be okay, and if we want any chance at developing a friendship, I know I’ve got to give you that space. I just didn’t expect it to be this hard.

9. Everything reminds me of you. But I know I can’t have you, so I’m going to try to move on. I’m going to try and eventually I will succeed. Part of me hopes you are filled with regret when I do. Part of me hopes we can remain friends when I do. Part of me hopes you come back to me some day. Part of me never wants to see you again.

10. I still think about you. I still miss you. The thought of us still makes me sad. But it doesn’t tear me apart the same way anymore. It’s just a dull ache. But it’s there and idk when it’ll go away.

11. It breaks my heart to let you go. But I’m letting you go.

[i-dont-know-how-this-site-works]

3/?

So, per post nr. 2, let's talk about the dorito-shaped squad member (I am hungry).

HUNTER

Now, I will admit that the idea for this series of posts came from the fact that I felt like we didn't get enough Hunter&Tech moments. Tech had so much development during this season and they really fleshed out his relationships, but almost any time they spoke with each other it was about the matters at hand, like the battle, or the plan, or something else entirely. Outside of dialogue, we also didn't get them bonding in any other way. Despite their differences, Echo and Hunter shared so many quiet moments, tired glances, they spoke to each other a lot about actual important stuff, but there was almost nothing with Tech in that regard.

For this one, it was mostly just them sort of looking at each other and the only time they spoke about something deeper was in ep.9, where Hunter had to explain to Tech the intricacies of preteen angst. Also, I loved this interaction in ep.8 when Tech launches the escape pod with the group + Rex in it and lands pretty far without any boosters and Hunter compliments him ("Not bad.").

And now, let me put on those rabid Hunter attorney glasses and say: This man is fucking clearly grieving.

I know he got some flack for dismissing Crosshair's message (which like, if you don't know how POV in fiction works, you need some theory of mind lessons) and somehow he is getting flack for not reacting as emotionally as people would have wanted.

But he is their leader. Not only in the military sense of the word, but he is also the head of their little family. They look to him for guidance, for direction, for orders, and while they are free to do what they want now that that military structure is gone, their dynamic carried over to their non-military relationship either way.

He feels responsible for them. Which is why he wanted to hide and was not enthusiastic about this mission or even wanted to consider that Cross really turned against the empire, because that's such a huge risk. This man has an actual child under his care and going to a highly secure location with top imperial officers to maybe get a shot at freeing their brother who tried to kill them multiple times? Hunter knew it was a bad idea, but he greenlit the mission anyway.

And you know what? Hunter was right.

Literally all of his fears came true in a span of 24 hours and his cautiousness and withdrawal were not unwarranted.

His brother is dead. His daughter was taken by the Empire. His other brother and he himself was badly injured. And worse of all, it was for nothing, since they didn't get any information on where Crosshair is being held.

But, he is the leader. He needs to call the shots, even in the face of the greatest failure he ever experienced, life does not stop and he needs to steer the ship. He can't allow himself to fall apart, because other people depend on him too.

(well, this one turned into an essay with me defending Hunter, the next one will be better, I promise lol)

[dirtyoldmanhole]

made it past black flames... gunter fans know what that means. :'))))

et iz emotional pain time!!

anyway it was cool the description text for the chapter said "descend on valla" while it had "floating isle" right there on the location box.

whack geography there you have, fates!

i suppose it makes sense in terms of "descending down into the bottomless canyon" but since i'm doing an unsubtle amount of parallels to [valla = the underworld] for Symbolic Fic Reasons it was neat to see the game itself nod towards that versus an ultimately less descriptive word like "fell down the canyon".

you ever think how that sky was likely the last thing gunter thought he was going to see the first time he fell down? :') and then what he must feel like to be kinda forced to do it all over again? :'))))

speaking of the literal devil....

[internal screaming]

god this second rev playthrough is going to emotionally wreck me WORSE than the first playthrough, and that one pretty much broke my brain as is!!!!

anyway this is the first shot you see of gunter in-game since... I think it was right before the wind tribe chapter where you fought the "faceless"? i'm pretty sure I would have screenshotted it had there been another one.

i also think it's really interesting you don't see him next to azura, which feels like it'd make sense considering both of them, you, and jakob had already been down in the bottomless canyon. (ngl jakob got shafted in these little map scenes, he feels like he should be there more.)

anyway, very subtle yellow flag number one for what's coming up.

the royals have their one obligatory moment of sane 'wtf we ain't jumping down no canyon' reasoning. gunter gets this kind of random 'hey i'm alive still remember me' line for the players who aren't single-brain cell'd gunterfuckers (:P) :

corrin reveals she's prepared to sacrifice herself to valla's curse (you die if you mention anything about the otherworldly kingdom) to reveal to everyone exactly who the enemy is----

(....OUFFF can you imagine gunter's moment of panic there.)

-- everyone trades a few lines about trusting corrin, after wanting her to order them to jump.

they jump. first, hilariously enough.

so this is probably the clearest shot we'll ever get of Scarlet's flower. hold that thought for future Plot Reasons.

(i also do think it's a little interesting / a flub that the cinematographers had gunter already jump in the bottomless canyon--Scarlet and Corrin trade 3-4 lines before they jump too. then again i suppose if he was still sticking around at this point the whole "who killed scarlet" jig would be up way before it was actually resolved.)

speaking of, i still can't believe i fucking called it with possessed!gunter killing scarlet the first go around. :') all i knew beforehand is he got possessed somewhere and there was something whack with his family.

here we goooo......

whelp whelp whelp

THIS REALLY HITS DIFFERENT WHEN YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHO IT IS

GEE I WONDER

control your kinky af boytoy corrin!!! safe word is anankos!!!!!

(if you squint, you can see how the game uses anankos' cloaked model -- privately i think they should have used the great knight model since it would have been an infinitesimal 'blink and you miss it' hint but an absolute genius bonus the second time. just stick the helmet on if you don't want to give everything away. )

something exquisitely painful: guess who targeted corrin first, before scarlet dives in to save her?

:')

... whelp. nice seeing you.

damn even the game ships ryoma/scarlet hardcore.

corrin gets all of 30 seconds to grieve/freak out about scarlet dying and then enemies show up, thankfully followed by allies.

gunter's in the third wave of sprites that show up, the first being corrin, then xander&ryoma.....

... aaand i just noticed he's right next to corrin. :'))))))))))))))))))))

time to roll valla!

[lishielish]

A Stark Absence - Chapter 23

Pairings: Tony Stark x OFC

A/N: Please see Masterpost for a note regarding this and upcoming chapters’ tags

It's been a long time, but like I said a couple days ago, I'm finally in a good enough place that I have the head space to hopefully do Tony and Ev justice. I'll still be slow to update, but I promise not to take two years ever again <3

Word Count: 3,049

Chapter 23 of ?

AO3

Runnin Down A Dream

Steve glanced over his shoulder at Natasha, “You sure this is it?”

“Same coords I always use,” she said, hurrying to his side in the cockpit.  “Why?

Tony wondered what else could possibly go wrong as he pushed himself up out of his seat, pocketing the flask he’d brought along.

“It’s gone,” Nat breathed.  “The report mentioned a fire but it didn’t say anything about…”

“What’s go-” Tony faltered, now seeing what the others could.

“The Hub.  That was the Hub,” Natasha’s voice was soft, her eyes wandering over the charred landscape before them.

“Good thing she wasn’t there,” Tony said brusquely.  “I’m suiting up.  Let’s get down there and get this over with.”

Steve and Natasha exchanged a look of concern.  Tony hadn’t taken the news well, they knew he wouldn’t.  Neither had they, if they were being honest with themselves.  But his refusal to accept Evelyn’s fate was only going to hurt him more the longer he denied it.  None of them wanted to find what they’d come looking for, but at the same time… Maybe it would make things easier if they did.  Maybe it would be easier on everyone if there was a chance for closure, a chance for grieving, for healing.

The trio walked silently from the Quinjet, towards what was left of the Hub.  It had been a large facility, evident by the remnants of the foundation that stood among the ash.  Tony berated himself for not sending his army of suits out to search for it the moment Evelyn mentioned it.  If he’d known it was this large…  It would have stood out.  One of the suits would have found it.  He could have intervened.  He could have found her.  He could have-

“I don’t know if there’s anything left here to find,” Steve said solemnly.

“Shut it, Rogers.  Jarvis, start scanning.  I want everything you can give me on this place.  Even better if there’s satellite footage from the days leading up to, to this.”

“Of course, sir.”

Natasha stood at the edge of the destruction, and scooped up a handful of ashes.  She gripped them in her fist, then let them scatter away through her fingers.  “This was the backbone of SHIELD.  All of our intel, all of our support, tech, it all came through here.”

“Never took you for the sentimental type,” Tony remarked, focused on the data streaming on his HUD.

She side-eyed Tony. 

He tried not to think about anyone else.  The number of people it would have required to be the backbone of SHIELD.  The number of people that would have been going through another day of work when Hydra struck.

“Mapping analysis complete.”

“Project it.”

Before their eyes, the Hub seemed to come back to life; grand and imposing.  Natasha stepped back as the green walls loomed before her.  Steve came to her side, and placed a hand on her shoulder.  Tony stayed where he was, unable to decide his next step.

“Area analysis complete.”

“And?” Tony asked, not wanting to hear the response.

“Most human remains are located at the back of the building, sir,” Jarvis said.

“And,” Tony pressed.  Say she’s not there, say she’s not there…

“Many have no remaining means of identification.  Those who do are at the bottom of the piles.  However, no trace of Ms. Abel can be identified from the remains at this time.”

Tony closed his eyes, raised his face to the sky, and let out a long-held breath.

They walked around the charred remnants of the Hub, a somber air hanging over them.  The piles Jarvis spoke of (and if Tony let himself recall, Romanoff had mentioned), were unceremonious pyres.  Bodies laid upon bodies laid upon bodies, contourted, burned, unrecognizable.  Steve put a hand over his mouth and nose; the smell of gasoline still lingered thickly in the air, and his stomach rolled at the sight.

“Monsters,” Natasha whispered.

Tony’s jaw clenched tightly.

Steve turned away, hands on his hips, eyes on the ground.  “What do we do?”

“Jarvis said she’s not here.  So we go home.  We find her.”

“Tony…”

“She’s not here, Romanoff,” Tony said firmly as his helmet retracted.  “That means she needs us.”

The demon’s breath was warm on Evelyn’s ear, her head dipped to the side, as she forced a smile at the departing group.  She nearly caught Fitz’s eyebrows pinch together and his eyes dart to her right hand, but missed it when a cough and groan left the man behind her.  She closed her eyes at Ward’s performance, fingers twitching to tap to her thumb.  His bruises might be real, but the cause of them wasn’t.

“Make sure Abel rests up.

“I’ll show her to the barracks right now.”

Her eyes flew open, looking between Coulson and Koenig.

“Good.  I think that hike from the bus must have taken more out of her than we thought.”

Evelyn had to bite her tongue.  She wanted to pipe up, to say that she was fine, better than she seemed, but he was right; she was exhausted.  But a decent, comfortable bed was all she really wanted.  To say it had been a long day would be an understatement.  Lying down and drifting off to sleep behind a locked door was all she could hope for.  

“Nap time, darling?”

She squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard as she rolled her head back side to side, trying to conceal her reactions.  This wasn’t the time or place for getting in a back and forth with the nightmare man.

“Evie,” Fitz said, his voice heavy with concern.  He met her eyes briefly before he looked at her bare fingers again.  “Where’s your-”

“Good idea,” she said, giving Coulson a weak smile.  She could feel her heart begin to pick up the pace at the thoughts racing through her mind, at the decision she was about to make.  She turned to Koenig.  “A rest is exactly what I need.”  A rest…  A dream…  Tony…

“Ready to join me, are you?”

She tried not to lean her head into the gleeful voice speaking into her ear, but Fitz caught her reflexive action easily.

“Sir, maybe Evelyn should come with us after all?  Simmons can monitor her injuries and-”

“Simmons already made sure she has enough of her meds to get by until we get back, and said she’ll be fine until then.  Abel’s staying.  What she needs now is time in one place to rest and heal.  She won’t get that out in the field with us.”

“But, sir-”

“Nice try, Fitz,” Ward interrupted.  “I’ll keep a close eye on her.  She’ll be fine.”

Looking somewhat placated, Fitz nodded.  He looked worryingly at Evelyn one last time, flashed a feeble smile, and waved before boarding the Quinjet.

“Right this way, Miss Abel,” Koenig said, holding his arm out to indicate which way they’d be going.

Evelyn nodded and fell in step beside him.

“Hold on.”  She froze at the sound of Ward’s voice.  “I’ll go with you.  Can’t keep an eye on you if I don’t know where you are.”  He met her eyes with a smile that made her blood run cold.

What was he planning for her?  Did he have a plan yet?  Had he ever had a plan?  Or would everything be set off when he found out Skye was able to hack the NSA satellites and see him and Garrett on the rooftop of the Fridge, working together to infiltrate the facility?

She returned his smile, but kept silent, leaning heavily into her exhaustion.  She continued down the hall, sandwiched between Koenig and Ward.  Doubtful voices quietly caught her ear, wishing the others luck and assurances that the tasks they were told to do would be finished before the team returned.  This was all wrong, she thought.  She shouldn’t be here for what would come next.  But Coulson was following his heart, and she couldn’t fault him for it; she was about to follow hers.

“This is the first hall,” Koenig said as he stopped before a hall lined with doors that seemed to stretch on.  “You can have your pick.  I keep all of the rooms ready at all times in case a situation like this should arise.  Never thought it would pay off.”

“Ok, I’ll-”

“You’ll take this one,” Ward ordered, opening the first door by his side.  “It’s my job to keep you safe.  That means I need to know where to find you.”

“Right,” Evelyn said with a stiff nod.  “I’ll take this one.”

“Alright,” Koenig said uncomfortably.  “Dinner’s at 6, we’ll see you then.”

“Thanks, but I’ll pass.  I really just need to get some sleep.”

“You need to eat, your body needs fuel to heal,” Ward said, his order laced with kindness.  “Don’t need Fitz worrying about you.  I’ll bring you a tray.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Evelyn said with a shrug.

“I’ll leave it outside the door if you’re asleep.”

Evelyn gave what she hoped was a friendly, sleepy smile.  “I appreciate it.  I’m gonna go lay down.”

“Sweet dreams,” Ward said, watching her reaction closely.

But Evelyn didn’t give him one.  She stepped in, closed the door gently behind her, then pressed her ear against it.  The voices on the other side were heavily muffled, but she was still able to tell when they began to move away.  She hastily turned the lock, then scanned the room for something to barricade the door with.  If she was going to get any kind of rest, she’d need peace of mind that Ward couldn’t just waltz in at any moment.

She secured the back of the chair from the desk under the doorknob, then eyed the medium sized dresser.  Normally, she wouldn’t stop to think twice about pushing it across the room.  But with her shoulder and her ribs, just the thought of raising her left arm enough made her wince.  The small sofa would have to do.  She managed to push it into place using mostly her right hip, and while she would have liked to do more, that would have to do.

The timing of upcoming events was unclear, but in the show, everything seemed to happen in quick succession.  Evelyn needed to rest not only for her health, but also because there was no telling when she’d have a chance to do so again.  She knew she needed to get her ring from the broom closet, she knew she needed restful sleep, but first, she wanted to see Tony again.  She wanted to feel the smallest connection with the only home she could remember.

The blue sky was thick with billowing clouds of smoke and dust as it continued to fill with Chitauri.  The grounds before her were full of clashing bodies and weapons.  The cacophony sounded familiar, almost comforting.  Evelyn ran, as she always did, across the battlefield that had been the Avengers Compound, her feet sure and steady beneath her as each step brought her closer, and closer, and closer…

Evelyn ran.  And ran.  And ran.  The battlefield never ended.  The space between her and Tony never narrowed.  Her legs began to ache.  Her chest began to feel tight, her breaths short.  She clutched at a stitch in her side, and pushed on, running, and running, and running.  She couldn’t do it.  She couldn’t run anymore.

Coming to a stop at last, she bent over, bracing her hands against her knees as she tried to catch her breath.  She hadn’t even reached the point where she would normally trip.  She straightened herself up, hoping to gauge how much further she had to go, but-

An unsteady gasp escaped before she sucked it back in.  She took everything in with wide eyes, trying to understand what, where… The glasses she was holding shook with her hands, liquid splashing over the sides.  She was standing at the foot of a set of porch steps, a flagstone pathway before her led to the white picket gate of the white picket fence.  Beyond the fence were gardens, so many gardens, clearly well cared for and each one was in full bloom.  

Following along the fenceline, to her right, was a small dirt driveway that met a stand alone garage.  Parked just outside the open garage was an older model car with its hood propped up, and a man stood there, bent over the engine.  His t-shirt clung to his damp skin in such a way that she could see his muscles flex beneath it as he worked.  Evelyn didn’t know what was happening, she didn’t know where she was, but she knew that back, that hair.

“Tony?” his name tumbled from her lips.

It was loud enough for him to hear, and set off a panic in his heart.  He carefully pulled himself up from under the hood, grabbed his rag and began wiping the grease off his hands as he eyed her shocked expression.

“Ev, honey, what’s wrong?”

The glasses fell from her hands, shattered glass scattering before her.

He dropped the rag, sprinting to her in a panic, closing the distance between them as quickly as he could.  He slowed a few paces away, taking in her wide eyes and the utterly lost expression on her face.  He finished his approach cautiously, eyes darting around her frozen form searching the yard, the gardens, the porch, trying to find what had her so out of sorts.

“Ev,” he said softly, “honey, is there someone in the house?”

Evelyn pried her eyes away from his and looked to her side.  Sure enough, there was a house behind her, a quaint cottage.  She returned her focus to him, more confused than before.

“Tony… where are we?”

“Home, sweetheart.  We’re home.”

He let his guard down, no longer concerned with the possibility of danger.  Now all his worry was for Evelyn.  The glass crunched beneath his footsteps as he neared.

“What?  I-”  She stopped short when he gently laid his warm hands on her shoulders.  An ache in her left one caused her to wince.

“Maybe we should go inside.  Is the heat getting to you?  We’ve been out here all day, Ev, let’s go in and get you cooled down.”

“Tony, I…”

He was here.  He was safe.  And his touch felt so real.  This.  This was all she’d wanted.

“Honey, what’s going on?” he asked, then pulled her in for a hug.

Pain shot through her shoulder, her ribs, front and back.  She didn’t even try to hold back the gasp that left her.

Tony reacted instantly, pulling away, worry etched across his features.  “What’d I do?  Are you hurt?  Did I hurt you?”

“No.  No, of course not,” she said, hating to worry him.  “I’m fine…”

“That didn’t sound ‘fine’ to me.  Turn around, let me see.”

Evelyn did as instructed, the skirt of her sundress twirling as she did so.  Dress?  She wondered what she’d worn in her other dreams.  Nightmares.  They’d been nightmares…

“What the hell?” Tony muttered.

“Hm?  What is it?” she asked, looking over her shoulder at him.

He looked up from her shoulder to her face, horrified.

“That’s what I’m asking.  What the hell is this?” he asked, then gently ran his fingers over a spot on her shoulder.

She sucked in a breath, the pain searing.

“No,” he groaned.  “No, not again.  Things were going so well.”

“What?” she asked as he spun her around to face him.

He looked defeated.  Utterly defeated.

“Every damn time.  Can’t I just stay once?  Just once for a whole day?”

“Wait, Tony, what are you talking about?” she asked, reaching up, placing her right hand on the side of his face.

He leaned into it, savoring the sensation of her touch, her warmth, her comfort.

“We never get a full day together.  That’s all I want,” tears began to well in his eyes.  “Just one more day with you.”

“Tony, I have no idea what you mean, but my shoulder; that has nothing to do with anything here.”

“What do you-”

“I got shot.”

His eyes went wide, brows lowered.

“You what?”

“I mean, that is to say, I tried not to, but…”

Tony couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his perfect dream world shattering around him.

“You.  Evelyn, that’s not possible.  You’ve been here with me all day.  I would have noticed if you’d been shot,” he said, while trying to work out what was happening.  The dreams, they never ended like this.

“Not today, a few days ago.  At the Hub.”

It was Tony’s turn to be frozen with shock.

“The,” he swallowed the lump forming in his throat.  “The Hub?”

“Yeah, I-I’m sorry, I-”

He cradled her face in his hands, searching her eyes with his.

“Don’t be sorry.”  Tears began to fall.  “Don’t you ever be sorry, sweetheart.  Not for that.  Not for what happened there.  Not…” he trailed off, trying to maintain his composure, to soak in every moment with her before he would wake up from this dream.

“Tony, are you ok?”

He nodded, a sad smile on his lips.

“In the real world, Tony.  Are you ok when you’re awake?”

“When I…”

“Are you eating?  Are you sleeping?  Are you,” Evelyn felt her throat begin to tighten.  “Are you ok?”

His thoughts were spinning.  What kind of trick was his mind trying to play on him?

Evelyn whipped her head out of his light hold, scrutinizing the house beside them.

“Ev?”

“You hear that?”

A light knocking sound.

“You get a lot of visitors around here?” she asked.

“None,” he said, joining her in trying to zero in on the sound as it became louder.

More of a bang than a knock.

“Who could be-”

“Ward,” Evelyn breathed.

“Who?” Tony asked, then saw her panic stricken face.  “Ev?”

“I gotta go,” she said quickly, searching around them for an exit.

“Wait, no, I’m not ready,” he said, and grasped her hand in his.

“I gotta go, Tony!  My life depends on it.”

“Your-”

“If I don’t wake up right now-”

“Ev.”

The banging grew louder.

“Tony, please,” she gave his hand a squeeze, “find me.”

He felt his stomach drop.

She leaned in, going for a kiss before she had to wake up.