#just stand in front a green screen and speak your lines to no one

[maurypovichofficial2]

Not daisy ridley returning to Star Wars

[captain-hawks]

the look on suna’s face is anything but surprised when the door to his apartment swings open.

his gaze briefly flicks downward to take in the miserable state of your rain-soaked dress and the heels clutched in your right hand. everything about your current state is a sad, waterlogged, neon billboard advertising just how spectacularly bad your date was.

casting a glance at the rapidly flickering fluorescent light on the ceiling up above, you sigh when your best friend’s lips begin to part. “don’t even say it, rin.”

his mouth obediently snaps shut, but he can’t hide the faint hint of amusement that curves its way into the line between his lips anyway.

suna takes up so much goddamn space as he stands there in front of you, his body leaning against one side of the doorframe as his fingertips casually grasp the other. rolling your eyes, you duck beneath his outstretched arm and hip check him as you pass, unceremoniously dropping your shoes in the entryway beside his messy pile of sneakers and boots.

no words pass between the two of you as suna briefly disappears down the hall, tossing a pile of dry clothes at your head when he emerges from the depths of his bedroom a moment later. he doesn’t even bother looking at you once you make your way back into the living room in a matching ejp raijin t-shirt and sweatpants, just lifts his arm and waits for you to settle down against him on the couch.

it’s only once the movie playing on the television—a rom com that you’re well aware he only put on for your sake alone—is nearly twenty minutes in that he finally speaks.

“told you that guy was a loser.”

sighing heavily, you pinch the bridge of your nose, burrowing yourself even further sideways into the warmth of his body heat despite your annoyance.

“you said that about the last guy.”

he huffs, and you can feel his chin brush over the top of your head as he turns toward you. “no, i said that guy was a dork.”

fingertips skirting beneath the edge of his sweatshirt, you pinch the skin just above his hip, and he lets out an undignified yelp as he grasps your hand and moves it to his thigh instead.

“regardless, shouldn’t you be supportive? i seem to remember you griping about me being a—“ you pause, making finger quotes with your free hand for emphasis, “‘freeloader’ who steals your netflix account and food every night.”

suna’s quiet beside you, eyes on the television screen like this sordid love confession in the rain is suddenly the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen.

“think of how many shitty eighties movies you’ll be able to watch when i’m too busy with my new boyfriend to come bother you every day,” you continue cheerfully.

at that, suna shifts your positions, yawning as he slides his head into your lap. the odd golden green shade of his eyes glints in the dim light of the living room as he stares up at you expectantly, unblinking.

“then who's gonna play with my hair till i fall asleep when the movie is boring?” he asks with a lazy smile, tilting his neck just enough to brush his head against the hand currently resting on your kneecap.

you let out a huff that’s equal parts exasperated and fond, rolling your eyes as you watch his slide shut the moment you begin carding your fingers through his soft, dark locks.

(it’s always like this with rintarou, this effortless intimacy. this strange, liminal space where your friendship exists.)

and as his breathing slowly starts to even out, as the movie plays on forgotten in the background, you wonder—not for the first time—what it would be like to kiss him.

[kurikive]

MINECRAFT — 23. 1 MILLY LIVESTREAM SHOW!!!

The countdown got closer and closer. 3… 2… 1…

Most of Y/N’s viewers were probably expecting to see the owner of the channel herself. For some, what they were met with was much better. For Anton, much worse.

The screen faded from black to Anton in green clothes, green cardboard cutouts of cat ears on his head, and a full face of green face paint.

Behind the scenes, Y/N gave a thumbs up, indicating the voice changer filter was turned on, and it was his time to speak.

“Hello, viewers. I’m Widdung, Y/N’s alien companion. I’ve come to Earth to celebrate the milestone of 1 million people being subscribed to “isatellite”. “ Anton does his best to sound enthusiastic, and tries to stop his face from cringing.

“Widdung! Oh my gosh!” Hyewon enters the scene, “How did you get here?” She’s having too much fun with her acting lines, revoking the seriousness from everything that’s happened before the countdown ended.

The voice filter turns on again, “My spaceship brought me here, but it crashed right outs-”

The focus moves to a limping Jiwoo with fake blood on the side of her head and a fresh scratch on her cheek (done by Hyewon), “You!” She points at the bright green Anton.

The boy puts his green hands in the air and Jiwoo angrily speaks, “Your UFO crashed into my lawn!”

“Woah! Woah!” Y/N finally enters the screen with a colorful birthday hat on her head, tilted slightly to the right. “It’s not the fight to time, guys!” The other three try their best to stay on character and not laugh.

“...Time to fight.” Y/N corrects herself in a mumble. “Anyways! It’s time to celebrate!”

“Celebrate what?” Jiwoo asks.

“Hitting one million subscribers!” Y/N turns to the camera while her friends take out party poppers from behind them. The sounds of party poppers cracking and party horns fill out the audio of the livestream.

After the group finishes making noise and cheering, the screen is supposed to fade to black before the actual stream starts, but there’s no one behind the camera, so they’re left awkwardly looking at each other, then back at the camera.

“I’ll go.” Anton says, now without the voice filter. His green self quickly steps out of frame to control the stream. The screen fades to black, and a short video of the behind the scenes of the teaser photoshoot plays while the kids prepare for the next scene.

“Y/N, don’t go in there!” The sounds of the video camera tittering play before the actual footage plays. Y/N and Sooyoung, who’s filming, stand in the grass of an empty field close to the city.

When the younger starts walking towards the enormous puddle hidden in the grass, the shutter of a phone camera sounds shortly. The viewers can’t see, but it’s evident Sooyoung just took a picture of Y/N.

“Y/N your pants are gonna get-” Sooyoung is cut off by a raspy, cracking screech, “-wet…”

“Unnie!” The girl whines. The camera zooms into the wet seams of Y/N’s jeans, then pans to her pained expression. “I told you not to!” Sooyoung says from behind the screen.

The video is suddenly interrupted by gray static and noise, like the one of a shut down channel.

The screen fades back to the background of the first scene, zoomed in where you could only see the top of the couch and a fraction of the wall behind.

The camera slowly zooms out and Y/N appears in the center of the couch, birthday hat still on her head. Her cheeks had 1 and M written on each side. She looks directly at the camera with a sheepish smile on her face.

“Hey guys…” Y/N says in a cheeky tone. “Welcome to my party.”

Jiwoo snorts behind the camera, and Y/N sends her a quick piercing look.

“So… did you guys like my surprise?” The girl rubs on her thigh nervously with her palm, “I planned this whole thing in like three days.”

Y/N reads the comments from the phone sitting on the table in front of her. The chat was going way too fast for her to read, so she picks it up and chooses a random comment to read.

“You’re crazy and insa- okay. Well. Thanks!” A sarcastic smile shows up on Y/N’s face before she goes back to read another comment.

“Since when are you friends with Yves? Um…” Y/N looks up to remember the date her and Sooyoung started talking, “Well, we met, like, about three or four weeks ago. But we started talking like, four days ago?”

An awkward laugh escapes the young girls lips, “She’s a very trustworthy person. Anyways!”

Y/N claps her hands together and they make a loud noise. “We’re not at the Q&A section yet. That’s later.” 

There’s a few mumbles but they’re inaudible due to not being picked up by the microphone. “Is he done?” Y/N mutters, then nods.

“So! A party isn’t a party without what?”

“Cake!” Y/N’s friends yell behind the camera.

“Anton, what’s on the menu?” Y/N puts her hand behind her ear and waits for the boy’s response.

“This pussy!”

Her smile drops at the unexpected answer, but anything she was about to say gets disrupted by the lights turning off. A very low budget rendition of the happy birthday song sung by the three of Y/N’s friends plays in the background. The lyrics are changed from 생일 축하 합니다 (Happy birthday) to 백만 축하 합니다 (Happy one million)

The flames atop the candles burn and light up Y/N’s eyes, a childish shimmer accompanied by her shy smile. This wasn’t discussed in the call, but she won’t complain about it.

The song finishes, and Hyewon exclaims “Make a wish, Y/N!”

I wish to be this happy for the rest of my life.

She blows out the flames and the screen goes pitch black, but the claps and cheers let the viewers know the room is far from empty.

The lights turn back on and after a few seconds Jiwoo returns to the frame with the others. “Happy one million, Y/Nie!” She says as she sits down next to Anton.

“Thanks so much guys.” Y/N looks around to convey her emotions to her friends with her eyes, she’s not very good with words anyway.

Her eyes land on Anton. Small remains of green body paint are left on his face and hands, but it’s not enough for it to bother him. She giggles at the sight. 

“I feel like- this feels like my birthday.” The others giggle with her. “Let’s we dig in?”

The girl immediately frowns at her own words, “What the hell did I say?” She and her friends burst into laughter, as well as the viewers in the chat. She hopes they don’t notice her embarrassment rising to her cheeks.

“Let’s eat.” She says, now calmed down. The cheers from the other three fill her ears. They had no plates, only spoons, a dream and a very excited audience.

“Dude, why are the comments going so fast? Oh my god.” Y/N said with a mouthful of cake. “I’ve never streamed before so I don’t know how it usually is.”

Anton deadpans at the girl, “Please remember you literally just hit one million a few hours ago.”

“...Right.”

“Dude this cake is so good.” Hyewon says, also with her mouth stuffed with cake.

The four have been eating cake for what seemed like hours, just talking amongst themselves. Y/N’s sure some clips would surface on her Twitter feed that same night.

“Guys, I don’t know about you, but I’m kinda sick of cake.” Y/N leans back on the couch, pushing her belly out with a groan.

“I don’t even like cake. I'm not sure why I kept eating it.” Jiwoo mentions, mirroring Y/N’s actions.

“You know what I think?” Hyewon puts her spoon down on the table and stands up suddenly.

“You think?” Anton teased, earning him a deadly look from the girl as she walked out of frame.

“I think it’s time for Q&A!” Hyewon exclaims loud enough from behind the camera so that the mic could pick up her voice clearly.

The screen fades to black, elevator music plays for around 7 minutes.

When the screen returns to its normal state, Y/N sits alone on the couch, phone in her hand. She wears the green kitty ears Anton was wearing at the start of the stream.

“Welcome to the Q&A section. We have compiled a few questions from the live chat as well as questions I get asked a lot.” The music gets lower when she starts talking and Y/N adjusts her cat ear headband before it falls from her head.

“Let’s shall start we?” Before anyone laughs again Y/N threatens, “If any of you laugh the live ends right here and now.” 

The girl clears her throat and gets back to reading the questions from her phone. “Ahem! Let’s start.”

Why is your name satellite?

“Ah… the OG question. I’ve gotten this one for years and never answered it for this exact moment.”

“We don’t even know!” Jiwoo says from the back and Y/N giggles.

“So basically, you know how my last name is Koo? So that means nine. And if you write the English word nine in Hangul it’s Na-in. And the Korean word for I is na and satellite is Ingongwiseong.”

It’s quiet for 10 seconds. If it weren’t for Y/N’s blinking and her goofy smile turning into an awkward one, you’d think the livestream froze.

“Y/N that barely makes sense.” Anton reasons. He’s kinda right.

“KOO? NINE! NA? I! INGONGWISEONG? SATELLITE! It’s simple!” Y/N doesn’t know if she’s yelling at Anton or her viewers, but they seem to have similar opinions about the channel name.

“I thought you just liked space a lot…” Hyewon says loud enough for everyone to hear and the chatroom and Jiwoo burst out laughing. 

“Let’s move on before you make fun of me more. I’ve had enough.” A cheeky pout invades

The Q&A goes smoothly for the most part. The majority of the questions have to do with the behind the scenes of Y/N’s gameplays or about the friend group’s dynamics.

At one point, the other three join the scene just like before. They talk and joke around while answering the questions directed at them. How does it feel to be a nepo baby? Have you successfully hexed someone? Are you actually a bottom? Jiwoo got really heated at the last one.

They finished answering the questions they had gathered beforehand, so they decided to read some questions in the live chatroom.

“How was filming with NewJeans?” Hyewon reads from her own phone. Her and Jiwoo’s heads turn to Y/N, but Anton’s response is faster.

“Great!” Y/N pushes him away in annoyance and the four of them laugh. 

“You’re such an idiot.” She lightly slaps the boy on the leg and he lets out a fake whine. “But it was really great. All the girls are so kind and funny and pretty. And surprisingly good at Minecraft.”

“Minji literally beat you, what are you talking about?” Jiwoo teases the girl, “And don’t say you let her because you know damn well you didn’t.”

Y/N sighs in defeat, her eyes landing on the leftover cake that got put away behind the camera. She gets the urge to slam her face into it and say nothing for the rest of the day. “Let’s move on!”

This was the last section of the show before some behind the scenes content played in the end, and Y/N was understandably getting quite tired.

Her energy decreased rapidly and she was getting dizzy from the comments moving too fast. Her phone was turned off and she just listened to the conversations her friends had, chiming in only when there was something to add or someone to tease.

Y/N’s notably surprised when her phone vibrates in her hand, so she turns it on to see- it’s Minji.

Y/N tries her best to respond to Minji’s text sneakily so that the viewers don’t notice. Hyewon does, however, and gives the girl a questioning look when she turns her phone and straightens herself up on the couch awkwardly.

Y/N looks at her and only a timid smile could be sent the other girl's way before she looks away and slowly takes the green kitty ears off of her head.

She knows Minji wouldn’t have stopped watching the stream even though she told her to, so she sticks her tongue out and tries to sneak a middle finger with it too. Hyewon laughs beside her.

“How long have we been up for?” Jiwoo asks all of a sudden. It’s 3 A.M, they started the live show at 12 A.M, Y/N hit one million at 7 P.M. Y/N didn’t sleep so she’s probably been up for-

“More than a day, I think. At least I have.”

“WHAT?!” The three of her friends yell at the same time. “Are you insane?!” Jiwoo yells the hardest.

“Wh- Well, I didn’t know Min-” Y/N cuts herself off when she realizes the public doesn’t know about her and Minji’s friendship. “I didn’t know I was gonna hit one million today.”

“We’ve been talking for like an hour, guys. I think it’s time to go.” Anton waves at the camera, the comments vary from shock to sadness.

“Oh my god, can I finish the cake?” Hyewon stands up when Jiwoo and Anton do, leaving a frozen Y/N on the couch.

“So, I guess it’s time for us to go. Thanks for being here, guys. I’m so grateful for all of you and how much love you’ve given not only me but the four of us. Thanks for one million. I’ll have another cake when it’s two.”

Y/N stands up from the couch and the camera follows her, “I’ll leave you with some behind the scenes footage. To show my love. Bye guys! I love you.”

The scene fades and after a few seconds, the footage starts playing.

Behind the camera, Jiwoo and Anton scold Y/N for not sleeping. Hyewon seems more interested in the computer.

“Dude. You have 30 thousand fucking viewers,”

“Tell me you’re joking.” Y/N rushes to Hyewon’s side.

“Is that good or bad?” Anton asks, confused at the sudden panic, “Don’t your videos usually get 500k views?”

“Yeah, but this is live viewers, Anton.” Hyewon answers, “This is what top tier streamers get on a normal day.”

“It’s probably because it’s my first one, right?” Y/N’s voice wavers slightly, still in shock at the amount of popularity that she’d gathered in such a short amount of time.

“Girl...” Jiwoo joins them, “You fucking made it…”

masterlist | next

taglist # @yumtooki @saysirhc @modanisgf @yerimbrit @sixflame438 @miinatozakiii @hotluvlet @mym1na @keiji-jin @wintersgff @wonyoungssi @kimminjiissosjdirbidnsjje @shozeu @nwjnsloona @kaypanaq @pandafuriosa60 @linnnsworld @hwabyul4wheesun @artrizzler19 @brocoliisscared @jeindall777 @haerinkisser

[thedepthsoffandomminds]

Behind the scenes - maze runner fic. PT 2

Part one

Masterlist

Being back on set for Scorch Trials was strange, it had been around a year since the hype had died down from the first movie and you hadn't seen most of the cast for some time as you'd been busy filming another show. At the table read you notice how Thomas and Dylan seemed distant to you. While the others still laughed and joked along with you they seemed to almost actively ignore your jokes. You aren't sure why but Kaya tells you to ignore them, the boys were always doing strange things. It wasn't until halfway through the table read when your phone dinged. It was your agent and they needed to speak to you immediately. There was an article released about your fellow actor on your TV show. They had been arrested and made implications against you. It took almost two weeks but your agents and lawyers were able to get your name removed from all the articles by which time you were starting filming.

You are all sat around the first set in the facility as your characters had just arrived. Kaya begins to speak but her lines get caught up and muddled. Thomas is sitting behind with you close in front and you both laugh. Wes calls to keep rolling but tells you to move back against Thomas. You look at him and slowly move back, till your back is against his chest; he puts his arm around your shoulder. It feels somewhat uncomfortable.

“You didn't think you'd be able to let…go…straight through…” Thomas caught his tongue between his teeth as everyone broke character and laughed at his mess up.

Standing close to Dylan by the now broken window you try to stay in character as he says,

“I wanna go to the zoo and see the Flamingos.” You all break out in laughter. Dylan pulls a silly face at you making you laugh more.

The group rushes up a sand dune and looks out over the land out of shot. You feel the sand move below your feet and then see Dylan falling, he reaches out for your arm and pulls you down with him. The others giggle and pretend to call out for your characters..

Everyone is running forward towards the mostly green screen building. You feel the tiger catching up with you. Her heavy body pushes into you, knocking you to the ground. Happily playing with you she rolls over you before jumping away. Her handler quickly rushes over to calm the animal as Thomas and Ki Hong hold out their hands to help you up.

“You okay?” Thomas asks, seeing you rub your elbow.

“Yeah, I'm good.” You reply before he swiftly turns away from you. Your eyes flick to Ki Hong who shrugs at you.

“Everybody get down, hide, hide!” Dylan shouts as his character. Everyone scatters to their places but Dylan spins a few times. “Where? Where?” He says making everyone laugh. You all reset and begin again. He tells you all to hide again and once more everyone is confused about where to go.

“What did we talk about?” He calls out before grabbing you and lifting you over his shoulder. When he puts you down again you stumble backwards into Thomas. The blonde Teen holds onto your shoulders a little longer than is necessary and you feel a fluttering in your stomach.

The set is darkened and the camera rolling, it's set on Thomas and Dexter with you in the background. The two are saying their lines and the scene is going well until you pull your shirt over your head and got stuck.

“I can't get it off.” You say sheepishly. You hear the boys snickering as one of the AD’s rushes over to you and helps to pull the shirt off your shoulders. The scene is reset and you start again. It happens again and the shirt gets stuck around your shoulders.

“Y/n! Come one!” Dexter shouted with a laugh. Later that day you are walking toward the food hall when Thomas comes up beside you.

“Get your shit together, you better not act like that this afternoon.’ He all but growled at you before he stormed away. Blowing out your cheeks you sighed. You grabbed a plate of food and ate in your trailer before heading back for the afternoon scenes. It was the scene with Thomas where Newt confesses his feelings for your character. You're more nervous than you had ever been for a scene.

“Of course I feel the same way.” you say as Thomas (as Newt) smiles, his hand coming up to cup your face. The warmth of his palm warms your cold skin and you feel those butterflies again. His dark eyes meet yours as you look at each other. Wes calls cut and heads over to you.

“That was great guys. Brilliant work today!”

Thomas looks at you once more and you see something flicker in his eyes but you can't decipher it. He clears his throat and walks away.

@fandomfan-102 @deanstolemydragon @afalls14universe

[deangirlsstuff67]

Catching His Eye

Jensen Ackles x Reader

Warning: dry humping, fluffy Jensen

Summary: His distracted and you're the reason.

Authors note: I love Jensen and his family. I mean them no disrespect. This is set in set in a world where Jensen is single. This is a work of fiction for nothing more than entertainment.

---------------------------------------

Life had kicked your ass in every way possible. You still haven't recovered from you two year long relationship ending when he cheated. Not only did he cheat, but with your best friend.

You decided last minute to purchase gold passes for a convention to your favorite show. Supernatural had saved you when you hit rock bottom. Seeing Dean Winchester on your screen always made your bad days better.

Friends and family said you were obsessed, they just didn't understand. Jensen Ackles brought you a character who stole your heart, made you smile, and laugh. So of course you had a crush on the green eyed texan, who the fuck wouldn't.

That's how you ended up here. Arm stretching high in the sky, hoping they will pick you to ask your question. You hated public speaking but couldn't give up a chance to interact with Jensen.

Jared picked you out of sheer luck. An older lady brought you over a microphone. Jensen wasn't looking at you, in his own little universe there on stage.

Clearing your throat you stand up and just speak, "my questions for Jensen." He looks up at the spund of his name. Deep green eyes lock on your y/e/c ones. Your knees threaten to collapse right then and there with just one look at him.

"Umm... I'm just curious what you like to do when your having a bad day. What's your go to to make yourself smile?" There you asked. Shyly smiling you never look away from his gorgeous face.

He's just staring at you. Eyes running all over your face. Jared snaps his fingers in front of his friends face bring him back to the present.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, what's that?"

Jared and the audience laugh. Jensen has an embarrassed smile on his face when he realizes he was too distracted by you to actually hear what you said. Repeating your question for him, he gives you a breathtaking smile before answering.

You sit back down after he's answered you.

-------------------------------------------------------

For the rest of the day you wander around the vendors room. Sit in on different panels. Even make conversation with some amazing people. This is truly the only place where everyone understands your way of thinking and obsession with these characters.

Halfway through the day, you find yourself looking for a restroom. You've managed to take a wrong turn down a hallway and are now completely lost.

You hear him before you see him. Large arms wrap around your frame, pulling you into a dark room, "you're very distracting you know that."

Spinning you around you come face to face with the guy of your dreams. The man whose been there for you without even knowing it. The guy you thank every day exists.

"I never do this. But I can't stop thinking about you and those beautiful sinful lips sweetheart."

Oh shit.

Then he kissed you. Soft and gentle. Testing the water with those soft lips on yours.

Breaking apart, you can see the nervousness written all over his face. Scared that he's crossed a line.

Smiling, a sense of bravery comes over you, and you reach up to drag his face back to yours, capturing his lips in another kiss.

It turns heated quickly. Jensen backs you up against the door. Strong hands rest on your hips. His thick thigh wedge between your legs, resting tightly on your soaked core.

Without thinking you begin to dry hump his leg. Moans slipping past both your lips as you rub yourself closer to an orgasm.

The need for oxygen breaks your kiss. Jensen hooded eyes watching you as your take your pleasure from him.

"That's it baby. Get yourself off on my leg."

Nibbling his way from your throat to your ear, "soak my pants baby."

It's all you need to get you over the edge. Your head knocks against the door as you scream out his name. Cocky grin plastered on his face as he watches you cum.

"Fuck. Sweetheart, that was sexy as hell."

Shyness takes over now. You drop your head to avoid his eyes. He won't have it though. Reaching his hand under your chin he moves you face so you have to look at him.

"Don't hide from me y/n. You have no idea how hot that was."

You gasp when you feel the large, hard bulge he has nestled him his tight jeans. His hand leading yours as he rubs himself with it. Groaning he kisses you again.

"I have to get back before they come looking. Can I please see you again?"

"Yes." It's a whisper, but Jensen hears you. With one more kiss and squeeze of his perfect dick, he sends you in the direction of the bathrooms before disappearing back to his handler.

-------------------------------------------------------

Part two coming soon...

Taglist:

@syrma-sensei @yvonneeeee @nancymcl

[gaytwirights]

(Long Post!!!!!) So regarding this post,,,

One day, you'll hear what I'm saying

One day, you might understand

One day, but not today

For after all you're

Just a man

.

Alt Text:

1: "You're not looking for a mentor"

First Period Behemo is shown from the side, pointing at a large screen. her surroundings are dark, except for the harsh green light from the screen.

2: "I'm not looking for a friend"

on the large screen, Second Period Behemo is shown, crossing her arms and facing away. she looks frustrated

3: "I mistook you for a savior" (the original line is "I mistook you for a general")

First Period Behemo as she appears to Second Period Behemo. she is wearing a lab coat, and her hair is cut shorter. she is pointing at the viewer. her eyes are glowing gold, and behind her is a halo

4: "What a waste of effort spent..."

half faces of both Behemo's are put together to make a whole head.

the left side shows First Period Behemo. her hair is shorter and straighter, and is parted to the right. she smiles sadly as she speaks, and there are faint tear tracks from her eye. the light on her is green

the right side shows Second Period Behemo. her hair is longer and wavier, and is parted to the left. she is glaring. the light on her is gold

5: "At least I know what I'm fighting for"

Second Period Behemo appears to be yelling at a screen that is partially off screen. she has a hand on her chest, as if to emphasize get words

6: "While you're fighting to be known"

a shot from behind Second Period Behemo. she appears small, at the bottom of the image, while the screen in front of her shows only the eyes of her real world counterpart. in contrast with the gold light of the screen, First Period Behemo's eyes are purple, almost pink. there are large bags under her eyes

7: "Since you claim you're so much wiser"

a shot from partially behind First Period Behemo. she appears as a large, shadowy figure on the left of the image. on the right, the screen shows her avatar, who is so small that she's just a stick figure

8: "Why's your life spent all alone?"

half of the face of First Period Behemo can be seen, the rest is cut off by the right border of the image. she looks shocked, as of the words of her avatar cut deeper than she expected. the rest of the space is dark, except for a blue figure, a child in a dress, holding a doll

9: "You're alone"

on the left side of the image, First Period Behemo is in a chair, hunched over. behind her are various machines. the green light of the screen casts a large shadow behind her. on the right side of the image, Second Period Behemo is standing, looking upwards. a golden light seems to be radiating from her. both figures are too small and far away for their faces to be visible

Plain text:

One day, you'll hear what I'm saying

One day, you might understand

One day, but not today

For after all you're

Just a man

[kvntsugi]

invasion

Loud taps on the chalkboard as spurts of porous material cluttered up in the teachers hand when it filled his side of the podium. His large hand hitting on the green easel with a commanding tone filled the air.

"Alright, everyone. Class is dismissed. Those in student council - stay back. " His eyes gazed upon the classroom from one end to another before lips prying back open to speak out anymore. But it all came out as filler, the moment I was permitted to dip - I was already packing.

"I'm pissed off…" A nearby voice made my ears perk up to the sounds of her husky voice in front of my seat. Her dark locks and brunette highlights made her stick out like a sore thumb, my eyes darted up from the materials I was packing, and gazed at her with a confused expression.

"Yo, Oppa - my assignment for student council? Do mine as well." Fighting back the urge to bite down on my cheeks, giving out a stoic expression instead. Appalled at her request but not surprised, Suyun always seemed like the type to delay her assignments.

"I promised to go home with my boyfriend, and if I left without permission from the teacher he would end up yelling at me." She spoke while leaning back against the window, eyes looking down at her phone with fingers furiously typing away at the screen. My eyes naturally (male instinct, y'know…) went towards her legs. How voluptuously sculpted they were like a Greek goddess with her legs crossed one over the other. Just one chance -- I'm begging!!

"Hey." Her voice rang out again before I dawdled in my daydreams. Just picture-perfect thoughts of what could be done, if only I was a little better, just a little more handsome… "Do you really think I haven't noticed?" Her hand went towards my desk and mimicked the teacher and slammed it down - only loud only for me to hear and get slightly startled.

"Take off your pants." Her voice was more commanding than normal when I got put in a state of shock.

"Huh -- ?" Was all I could muster out, feeling the hairs on my forearm stick up and feeling a cool breeze in the air. Before realizing everyone in the classroom was gone. My savior the teacher was also nowhere in sight when I needed him most. Head darting from left to right to get a full view of the class, eyes leering everywhere from one corner to another before finding solace in nothing.

The sound of the chair scraping against the wooden floor creaked out loudly with her thick thighs now in full display, her phone and camera were aimed right at me like I was an animal on display at some zoo. Do I just give in? What could I possibly do? Was she going to scream out bloody murder or something even worse if I didn't comply?

I just whipped it out, slacks tugged and pulled to my ankles and slowly being whittled to the floor. My cock was out in full force. Gulping down a pool of saliva that formed in the back of my throat, slowly brought my head up towards the dark-haired girl to see a disturbance in her expression. Suyun, the no longer once confident girl had blush in her porcelain cheeks. Her fingers gripped the cellular device harder and her lips formed such a gaze as if she was either scared or amused.

"No way -- why are you hard? Why are you bigger than my boyfriend…? God, you're so disgusting." Her phone was swiftly brought away and her hands crossed on her chest, as if she were trying to claim dominance in the situation.

"I'm not hard…" My hand went towards my cock, the girl's stance changed and instinctively protecting the family jewels if my life were on the line. Not wanting to get injured myself but it just seemed like she just used that moment to yell at me more.

"Don't -- fucking lie to me!" She got closer, crouching down in position, and got incredibly close to me… and my cock. It must have been me, but it felt like her breathing became heavier. Not just mine. Feeling the air flow out her nostrils onto my own length had me grow, not by much but I felt something in my person.

She stepped back, standing back firmly and proudly with her hands tugged on the hem of her skirt. Lifting it above her hips and belly button to showcase her thong. "How about this…? Can you get hard for me?"

Sweat poured down my scalp and to nobody's amusement - yes. No words spoken out but my cock stood erect and upright. I felt her hands on my torso as she told me to get down on the classroom floor. My back laid on the cold surface, she was sitting on my stomach with her back facing my direction. Presumably, to not show off how sultry she was being, she was still this cocky, confident younger girl that ordered me around.

My cock grew more and more, getting so turned on just at the thought of fucking someone like Suyun. Where could it reach to, I wonder? Whenever watching those pornos - I felt average at best, below average most times due to the fact they all seemed so much… bigger?

"Don't get it wrong, you're just a dildo… Don't be so loud either. It's so disgusting." Her voice sounded like it was shaking, her faux-dominance was slowly wearing off as time passed by. I could see the tint blush on her cheeks when she looked back to speak to me in that demeaning tone.

Her hands plopped themselves onto me, using my body as support when she lifted herself up and angled her way in. "Say so when you're cumming, I'll kill you if you leave it inside." Second by second, her body slowly sank onto me. It was going inside. First the tip of my cock disappeared like magic, then the next few inches. A loud groan escaped my lips when I fought it to keep it in, but her insides were magical.

Her walls were getting split like two, the more she sank the more her voice started to come out as well. Suyun's insides were getting expanded. My cock should be at her womb now with how much she took in. A yelp of epic proportion filled the class with the girls head whipped back.

She stopped moving. Right then and there. Did she cum? Little spurts of murmurs and her walls sucking in on me like a leech. Her body gave out little twitches next. Hands drooped to the side before I spoke of her name.

"Sh-shut up!!' Her body slammed into mine with the sounds of what could only be described as animalistic came about. The girls hands went between my thighs and onto the floor. Her voice got louder with moans and the sloshing sound when she fucked me.

"Yes, yes yes!!" She kept it up, I was just a toy for her. I watched her asshole pucker with every movement she did, how her cheeks kept slamming into my hips and small groans came from myself.

Before I even knew it - before she even also knew it my body went upright. No longer was I sitting horizontally but my chest was practically back against hers. My hands had a mind of its own, reaching out towards her ample bosoms that always stood out. How her tight school uniform hugged them was so beautiful. Never before seen!

"H-hey…! Who said you could do that? Fuc--" Before she could finish my hands gripped onto her clothed bosoms like a handlebar. How delectable they felt as sooner or later I needed the real deal. No obstacles or distractions from what was to be of her perfect body. All the imaginationS I had in class finally coming to fruition. A sudden thrust upright came about, now I was slamming into her.

"I'll fucking -- " She was so weak. My hands went towards her hips and I went back towards teh original position as it became way more comfier to do what needed to be done. One after the other. Up and down. If I was a machine then I'll accept it, on my terms. The tip of my cock kept kissing the deepest depths of her insides. Her walls felt tight. Too tight with her lips gripping my cock and never wanting to leave. With more strength my hips found a way to thrust in more. A loud scream came from one of us, and it wasn't me. She must have just came. Did she even know she came?

Transparent white liquid squirted out onto the wooden floor. Her body collapsed in on itself with back lying down on my chest. Probably looking to get a breather the rough session she just had. There was no time to pause, time was of the essence before someone would have walked back in the room, but at this time of day… I wouldn't count on it.

I lifted the girl up. A squeal came from her mouth as she wasn't expected to be carried for a few seconds. Forcing her body and chest to go onto the closest desk as she now had to look up to me if she wanted to speak back. Whatever dominance she had on me was no more in this instance. Her dainty little hands held up her upper body, looking back to try to stop me as my cock was now aligned with her insides.

"O-oppa wait… I'm still cumm-…" Another drive going in. Another loud moan escaped hers. She held onto that desk for dear life with my feet planted firmly to give myself the best way to fuck her like no tomorrow. My husky voice mixed in with her whiny voice. My cock was twitching inside of her core and I felt myself leak as time passed on by. "Suyun - I'm gonna -" No care in the world for the consequences she spoke of earlier. I just had to fulfill my desires. Everything now coming to light.

"Don't screw with me -- Stop…! I told you --!" As much as I would have loved to spank her, my focus was entirely on thrusting my hard meat throughout her vaginal tunnel. Over and over, picking up speed and pumping my cock into her fine ass. Every second, it went further and harder. My thick balls slapped the undersides of her small figure. Her voice screamed with so much enthusiasm out to me. I grunted out and listened to her voice yelling out to him. She wanted this, he wasn't going to stop but eventually coming to a halt. I was already so close.

Thick white spurts of cum splashed all over her insides. Suyun remained still beneath me as I began to lazily move my hips. Her cheeks were glued to the desk and drool seeped out of her mouth. A cry of pure ecstasy continued to fill my ears until we were both all spent. Stream after stream of cum poured her pussy. My juices mixed with her own, creating a hot stream of liquid that made the movement only more pleasurable.

Her voice wasn't anything of despair or anguish. Quite the opposite. As I slowly pulled away, she laid there. Mummified. Both of our juices leaked out of her and dripped onto the floor. The smell of sex filled the classroom as she held herself up by standing on her toys. Tiny bits of noise escaped her lips as she had a crazy expression. Something I couldn't make out of. Something one could see in porn.

I came back to my reality. Realizing what I had done. Feeling utter shame and remorse. My hand raised up but I stopped myself for my own good - nothing positive would have come from this and I knew it. I reached for my slacks and pulled them up, escaping the classroom while buttoning myself to look like a student once more. Sweat pouring all over my face and leaving Suyun there.

[nei-ning]

Now that dream post which I mentioned before (23.11.2024)

I was in tiny mall with my brother when he took me to this small room which had maybe 6 to 10 terrariums. In first big terrarium was brown snake which had soft shell turtle's face. He wanted me to hold it for a some reason even that I really didn't want to do it. Note: I'm NOT afraid of snakes and have hold them before in real life!

We came out of this tiny room on bigger opening and this older woman, who was the owner of the snakes, came to me. I said I would rather hold a boa if she had any. She smiled and told me to wait, leaving. Soon she came back, holding green snake who had yellow little stripes going around the body.

She gave the snake to me and this snake instantly turned to look up at me, my face, eye contact. It instantly had this super adorable, warm and soft energy / feeling to it. Like it wanted to be your best friend right away, loving you unconditionally already. She said to me:

"This is boa. His name is Suwabe."

I was instantly blown away but heck happy too! This snake, right away, was so full of calmness and warmth, very friendly too! I had a chair behind me so I decided to sit down while placing this snake in my lap. He was curled otherwise but spiritually he also (in my minds eyes) seemed to be sitting in a similar position to a cat. I don't know how that's possible but it was.

I kept petting his body, letting my hand run on his scales gently. Instantly when I started to do this, he started to PURR! I HEARD and FELT it! In shock I looked up at this woman, saying he's purring! She just smiled at me knowingly! As I kept petting him, he turned to look up at me once more, starting to push his head towards my face. He pressed his head against my face / right cheek as I pressed my head down, keeping our heads / faces gently pressed together. It was SO ADORABLE moment that I can't! <3

Now this woman handled me a book with information about boas, this specific one in fact. It looked like fur covered kids book with button line at the edge of the pages. If you pressed a button, you get a sound / video of the snake.

I opened the book and on the first page (right) is some info but what caught my attention is the backside of front cover (left). There's tiny screen and there's video playing. Blond woman is singing on stage while lights are flashing all around her. The screen is split in two and on the left side of the screen is Grimmjow! He stands there, not looking all that pleased, but then I started to think:

"This snake's name is Suwabe... And Suwabe Junichi voice acts Grimmjow... Does it mean this snake can actually speak?!"

Again I turn to look at this woman and before I can even open my mouth to ask anything, she's looking at me with knowing smile! She clearly knows A LOT more about this snake than she's telling me.

I then woke up on the sounds coming from neighbor's bathroom which is right behind the bedroom. But that snake was heck pretty! I had to google if there's green boas - and yes, there is! And the stripe one looks exactly like the one in my dream except the stripes were yellow, not white! It's called Emerald Tree Boa. Very common boa as a pet, actually.

But as a spiritual sign it's VERY good to see green snake! :D Green snake, overall, is:

Wisdom, Knowledge, Ability to Overcome Obstacles, Rebirth, Healing, New Beginnings, Opportunity to Growth, Grounding with Yourself, Harmony, Balance, Hope, Luck, Prosperity, New Life, Joy.

Then I got curious if name "Suwabe" means anything. It does, ahah!

Good Fortune, Must, Necessary, Required, Harmony, Peace, Concord, Section, Department, Category, Consultation, Discussion, Vicinity and so on! Tho, I think the meaning does change with the Kanji's but I'm not sure. I don't speak or read Japanese :'D

But I take this green boa with Suwabe's name as a VERY VERY GOOD sign <3 Plus GRIMMJOW being there too! Nothing can't go wrong :D

[the-ravening]

*blinks* ...Michelle's Bday fic? ("It's a common name," she murmurs to herself, "so go ahead and put those hopes down.") (I have a doc on my desktop named 'For Shan' and no mistake about it it's something you will get someday. 😂 )

Thank you to everyone who tagged me in the latest round of the WIP game going around. I will not be participating this time because I never even finished answering my asks from the last time and it’s been dragging on my conscience ever since.

Speaking of which… Michelle! I’m sooooo sorry it took me this long to answer your ask from last year. Of course “Michelle’s Bday fic” was for you!!! You and me 🤝 starting bday fics for each other and not finishing them.

It was supposed to just be a small little hurt/comfort wound cleaning in the shower thing, but I didn’t get it done in time and I felt so self-conscious writing for you because your words are always so beautiful.

Anyway, I have almost 3k written but doubt I’ll be finishing it any time soon, so please accept this meagre offering of a long snippet (aka the first 1.6k of the fic).

Hope you’ve been doing well! Sending you love and kisses forever 💗💗💗

Three sets of heavy footsteps trudged through the front door of the safehouse, slow and lumbering in their exhaustion. The air around them was thick with the iron tang of blood and a persistent tingle of burnt gunpowder rattling around in their sinuses, as they slipped into the kind of quiet torpor that always followed a difficult mission seen to its end. Though it had gotten a bit dicey at times on this one, they’d earned the satisfaction of having completed their objective and made it back alive in one piece. Well, mostly in one piece, Bucky thought, running his eyes critically over Zemo’s broad back as the man stepped into the apartment’s living area ahead of him. There was a conspicuous tear in his beloved long wool coat, the fabric slashed and stained dark with blood below his left shoulder blade.

“All right,” Sam said, voice deep with weariness. “Let’s take a look at your back, Zemo.”

“Merely a shallow flesh wound. I’ll be fine,” Zemo demurred.

“Knowing you, that means they probably hit a major organ and you’re about to pass out on your own carpet,” Sam grumbled.

“Really, is there so little trust between colleagues these days?”

Sam and Bucky took simultaneous deep breaths and sighed heavily at the irony of this statement rolling off the tongue of this particular colleague of theirs.

Before Sam could come up with any further argument though, they were interrupted by a tinny sound blaring from somewhere in the depths of his leather jacket. It quickly developed into the sunny tones of a song Bucky only knew because Sam had once told him it was called “‘Fuck You’ by CeeLo Green… C’mon, man, you don’t know that one?” and only recognized from how often this personalized ringtone went off on Sam’s phone.

“Man, already? Doesn’t this guy have anything better to do than stick his nose up our asses after every mission?” Sam groaned as he fished his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen with his thumb to answer it. “Secretary Ross. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

He turned to Bucky and rolled his eyes as he held the phone to his ear, no doubt listening to Ross droning on on the other end of the line. Putting his hand over the mic, he stage whispered to Bucky, “Take care of Zemo for a few minutes, would you? I have to deal with this,” and then he wandered off into the office and closed the door behind him.

Left alone with Zemo, Bucky glared at him, wanting nothing less than to have to babysit him in Sam’s absence. On the other hand though, he really didn’t want Zemo to die of organ failure today either.

“If it were serious, I wouldn’t be standing right now.” Zemo lifted his hands in that placating gesture he liked to do so much, the one that Bucky found particularly annoying when directed at him. But he couldn’t help noticing Zemo holding back a small wince of pain as his arms came up.

Bucky sighed. “There’s a whole lot of possibilities between ‘okay’ and ‘dead’, Zemo. At least let me take a look and help you clean it out. There’s no way you’ll be able to reach back there.”

“More than anything, what I need right now is a shower,” Zemo huffed and turned towards the bathroom, effectively ending the discussion.

Bucky scrubbed a hand over his face and wondered if this would be the day Zemo finally died for real on his watch. After everything they’d been through today, he didn’t have the mental energy to argue with the man, but what was slightly worrying was that it seemed Zemo didn’t even have it in him to bite back in that flirty, teasing, infuriating way he normally did. Bucky hoped that wasn’t a sign that he was secretly bleeding out internally. They were both covered in sweat and blood and grime and gunpowder, so maybe he could let this go for now and they could pick it back up once Zemo finished his little beauty spa routine in there.

“Well?” Zemo drawled, and Bucky glanced up in time to see the man looking over his shoulder at him as he stepped through the doorway. Zemo raised an eyebrow. “Are you coming?”

Bucky stood in stunned silence, watching Zemo disappear into the bathroom, leaving the door wide open behind him. The innuendo was clear, but Zemo was all innuendo all the time, and maybe Bucky was the one misconstruing it by considering for even a moment that there was any serious intent here.

He really did want to check out Zemo’s injury—though maybe want was a bit too strong a word there. What he wanted was to pour himself a whiskey neat and sit down on the couch and forget for five minutes that Zemo was his responsibility. But what he’d gotten instead was an opportunity to make sure their notoriously secretive parolee didn’t end up with sepsis down the line from an infected knife wound, or worse. Bucky sighed again and reluctantly made to follow behind Zemo, as if drawn forward on a persistent leash that he could never quite shake off.

The bathroom was overly large and opulent, as tended to be the case in Zemo’s scattered family properties-turned-safehouses, which they now took advantage of whenever their missions allowed—though a more pretentious person might call its design spacious and modern. As he stepped into the room, Bucky was hit with the loud hiss of the shower, its rushing spray battering the black tiles as it heated up to temperature in its glass enclosure.

In the centre of the room, Zemo stood like a dark and ragged headland dropping off into the sea, as he slid his coat over slumped shoulders to land in a heavy tumble of eroded rock at his feet. Bucky was certain that no matter the air of indifference that Zemo put on, he was well and truly far along the road of fatigue, because under normal circumstances the man he knew would never treat his favourite things with such lack of care.

Zemo drew a sharp breath between his teeth as he brought his shoulder blades together in a weak attempt to shrug his double shoulder holster off. Even the most incremental of movements seemed to exacerbate the pain of his injury.

“Here, let me just—” Bucky muttered as he strode up to Zemo and stopped him gently with a hand on his shoulder. He tugged carefully at the slide adjuster on the back of the harness, loosening it, and then reached around to slide his fingers underneath the leather straps, tucking them snugly against the meat of Zemo’s chest. Slowly and gingerly, he worked the straps over Zemo’s shoulders and slid them all the way down his arms, finally dropping the holster with its guns atop the heap of Zemo’s coat on the floor, gun safety be damned. It really was that sort of day.

Letting out a small sigh of relief, Zemo fumbled at the buttons of his ruined shirt with tired fingers. Bucky tried not to let the worst of his imagination run wild as his eyes tracked over the torn and blood-soaked fabric, hoping it looked much worse than it really was. Once Zemo got the shirt spread open, Bucky helped him slide it off too, revealing the expanse of his pale shoulders and a Pollock-esque smear of blood down his back, red speckled all around like so many more lurid stars dispersed amongst his freckles.

Bucky squinted scrutinizingly at the wound, its raw and red gape a wrathful mouth, lips split and spitting vitriol. Despite its gory appearance, it looked clean and fairly shallow—the blade had likely caught on a rib, sparing him from any deeper damage. It was still bleeding sluggishly, though not enough to be dangerous, already clotting. It’d certainly need a few stitches, but Sam could take care of that easily once they cleaned it up.

While Bucky was focused on assessing the cut, Zemo was dead set on shedding the rest of his soiled clothing, like a birch tree unraveling its bark layer by layer, to expose the smooth and fresh golden skin beneath. Muscular thighs flexed as he kicked off his boots, tac pants following in their wake, slipping his thumbs into the elastic waistband of his underwear and tugging them down over the firm globes of his ass. Bucky caught sight of a deep pair of indents on Zemo’s lower back—his dimples of Venus, his brain supplied unhelpfully—before averting his eyes. He told himself the flush of heat he felt on his face was a result of the rising temperature in the room, a consequence of the roaring shower. He swallowed around a lump in his throat that definitely wasn’t there.

Now shamelessly naked, Zemo tugged open the shower door with his right hand, muscles rippling over the uninjured side of his back, and stepped into the spray of water.

Bucky had a brief moment debating with himself the merits of just leaving Zemo to his shower and going to get himself that drink after all, but that was promptly quashed as Zemo let out a loud moan at the first cascade of hot water hitting his body from the rainfall showerhead above him. That deep, throaty sound hit Bucky dead-on and proceeded to run over him like a high-capacity freight train, and got him dropping his pants pretty fucking quickly. Making quick work of the rest of his clothes, Bucky stepped into the shower and pulled the glass door shut behind him with a soft click.

[viktorshands]

Vampire AU - Part I

Silco x Fem!Reader 

Warnings: Language (seriously, that’s it... for now... o.o)

WC: 1370

Chapter I:  An Unexpected Setback

You were an Arts professor at Piltover Academy, teaching students the pleasures of history, music, and art. You loved your job, for as long as you could remember you were always told that you would make an amazing teacher. Unsurprisingly, you did. Coincidentally, so did your best friend, Sky. The two of you were as thick as thieves as two young women could be. You both enjoyed the nightlife of Piltover City, sometimes a little too much, but could always count on each other for everything. 

You stroll up the front steps at Piltover Academy at a leisurely pace, humming to yourself. Only faculty was permitted in the classrooms at this time, with only a couple of days before the fall semester classes started. You nod politely at the other professors as you walk down the spacious hallway until you finally reach your office. You reach for your key to open the door, but before you can open it, you hear someone clear their throat behind you.

You turn, only to see Administrator Jayce Talis standing there, his hands in his pockets and a solemn look on his normally cheery face. 

“Hi, Y/N,” he stared at the floor as if there were something interesting beneath your feet, “do you have a few minutes? I need to speak to you, privately.”

You felt uneasy, a bad feeling twisting in the pit of your stomach, but still you nodded at him and opened the door, letting him into your office ahead of you.

-

“Fired? How? What?” Sky’s voice was at a higher pitch than the rooftops as you sat on the olive green couch in your shared apartment. “I literally just saw him today as I went in to set up my classroom. No wonder he couldn’t look me in the eye.” Her angry growl could be heard from the kitchen across the room, “Men are such cowards! Ugh! Okay, tell me exactly what he said just once more.”

“He said that the Academy was making cuts, unfortunately that included my program. They are centering their priorities in science; hence, the arts are not an ‘ideal expenditure’ according to the board of directors.” You exhaled, defeated, putting your face in your hands. “Oh Sky, what the hell am I going to do?”

Her soft footfalls approached, she put one hand on your shoulder and reached to hand you a warm mug of mint tea. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.” She sat down next to you, “Hey, we can search for jobs together if you want?” 

The two of you scrolled online for what felt like hours, the morning sun dipping late into the afternoon now. It seemed like all of the jobs out there were either for someone more qualified than yourself or for much less pay than you would be able to accept. Feeling put-out, Sky got on her computer to order take-out for the both of you - Thai food could always brighten your day.

You came across an ad on a small website for a private tutor. The pay immediately caught your eye.

𝗣𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗧𝘂𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗡𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱. $𝟳𝟱/𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗰𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗼𝘆𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗵𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘄𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗴𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹.

Hm, could be interesting, but why are there like, no details? Still, I could do worse. You uploaded your resume, your email address, phone number, and hit “Apply”. 

The evening passes quickly. You turn off the TV, uninterested in finishing the episode of Love Island without Sky, who has long since passed out on the couch beside you. You get up and yawn, stretching like a cat before seeing your phone screen light up. As you grab it, you see that an unknown number is calling. At ten o’clock? Scam alert!

You walk to your bedroom and answer anyway, ready to prank the scammer on the other line, “Hello?” You do your best Kermit the Frog impression.

“Miss L/N? This is a call in response to your job application to be a private tutor?” A strong, female voice spoke on the other end of the call.

Dread and embarrassment washed over you like a downpour. Are you fucking kidding me? You chastised yourself.

“Hello?” The woman spoke again.

“Hi!” Now you sounded too overzealous. Tone it down. “Hello, yes, this is Y/N. I apologize, I needed to clear my throat.”

“No trouble at all. I will connect you with the master.” Her voice was deadpan. You heard her quietly say, “fucking hell.” The line went silent for a moment, and your pulse quickened. The what?

“Ah, Miss L/N.” The male voice on the other end purred, sending a shiver up your spine.

“Um, Y/N is just fine, thank you.” You were almost tripping over your words and started to pace your room. “I - I’m sorry, um, what is your name? I am afraid that I don’t know who you, or your school or company is at all. There was barely any information on the application.” You slapped a hand over your mouth and internally screamed at yourself. For the love of crackers and cheese stop talking now before you say anything else offensive.

“Y/N.” He repeated your name, and you froze in place. That voice. “You may call me Silco.” He sounded like honey and whiskey, sweet on the tongue and a burn in your throat to wash it down. He continued, “Let me ask since you brought up the application: What made you interested in this position?”

The money, obviously. “I thought it would be a unique opportunity for myself in my career, and a perfect fit for myself. I have been teaching at the Piltover Academy of Arts and Sciences, well, now just Sciences actually.” Your voice trailed off. “Sorry, I’ve been teaching for three years since I graduated at the top of my class. I have experience with art, history, and music, all of which I think are vital for a student to learn. How old is the student that is requiring the lessons? I only ask because it will be easier to craft lessons depending on their grade level.”

“She is eighteen.” He paused, “I agree that the arts are an essential part of one’s education. Tell me, Y/N, have you ever been to Zaun?”

“Zaun?” You didn’t mean for your confusion to come across so loudly so you covered your tracks, “I have never been but I know that it is a small town, a population under 500 and well-known for their folklore, as well as the birthplace of General Vander who was said to have raised a legion of wolves to fight in the Great War over six hundred years ago.”

“Ah, I see.” He sounded pleased, or strained, if that was possible to detect, “You’re familiar with our quaint town? That is where we are located. My manor is just outside of the town.”

“Oh,” You furrowed your brow, “I am partially familiar, but I am afraid that it would be quite a far drive for me to come all the way out there every day. You see, I live in Piltover City.”

A pause on the other end. You held your breath in anticipation for his response and started mentally backtracking through your other job options. 

“I see, well, we expected that. We are prepared to have you stay on the grounds. Your meals and everything else will be provided for in addition to your flat-rate compensation.”

You couldn’t hide the excitement from your voice and you said happily, “That would be amazing.”

“You’ll hear from us soon, thank you for your time, Y/N,” He said softly, “It has been a pleasure to speak with you.”

“The pleasure was mine, thank you for your consideration, Silco.” It felt strange to say his name aloud, too informal. Before you could say anything else, the line clicked in your ear, startling you back to reality.

You started your nightly routine, though trying to get your heartrate back to resting was more difficult than taming a beast. Still, you fell asleep with your imagination running wild to piece together a picture of the man that is connected to such a sensual voice.

-

Part II

[queenmayor23]

Love In The Dark (Fire and Rain)

Batman's neighbors, The Drakes, were secluded billionaires. Bruce invited them on vacation in an attempt to merge the companies. A missile hit the plane, leaving Bruce as the sole survivor and Ra's al Ghul's most promising prodigy to take the place of the young Tim Drake. After years of sidekick training, "Tim" picks up a street rat Jason Todd stealing hubcaps off the Robin Cycle and forms a relationship with him.

~Years Ago~

---Gotham City---

There was a knock on the door, steady and hard.

"Coming!" The owner of the shitty upscale apartment yelled, but it wasn't fast enough for the beggar, so there was another knock, this time louder.

"I said, "Coming!" Give me a minute to get to the door." The door was swung open. "What the hell do you-"

A freshly turned eighteen-year-old stands there, his black suit soaked from the pouring rain. "Missed you at the funeral, Dick." He spoke monotonously as if all the color was drained from the world, and there was nothing but grey.

"Tim."

"Doesn't matter. I missed it too. Didn't even see the body. When I got there, he was putting the shovel into the ground to mark the headstone."

The only person he could confide in wasn't there for him, which hurt him deeply.

"Bruce said it would be better for you if we didn't make a big deal about it."

"And you listened? You know how I feel about Jason. You were my only friend for the longest time, and you knew everything. Things Donna and Garth wouldn't fathom to think about me. The three of us were brothers first, no matter Jason's feelings." He was speechless. His mouth was moving, but no words or sounds came out.

"Tim. I'm sorry-" 

"Are you? You've yet to let me in despite the pouring rain and the cold front. You've barely said anything besides your notecards Daddy put together for you. Dick, I went and looked at the cameras. I watched as he dug, dropped Jason's body, covered it, and cried for two hours. He obviously is dealing with it very roughly. So rough that the phone lines are down at the manor, even the emergency line. He sealed off the entrance from the Cave and locked all the gates after I left."

"I'm-"

"STOP SAYING I'M SORRY! Hug me. Ask me if I'm okay. Be Jason's brother. Be MY brother." The young man screamed, surely waking everyone on the floor.

Dick Grayson refused to touch Tim, not only because Bruce told him to, but if he did, he would be no help to his little brother. Dick knew Tim was hurting, but he didn't need the screaming to realize that. Despite his face being covered in rain and his hair drenched, Dick saw the single tear fall out of Tim's eye, and from that, his emotions weren't far behind.

"Fine. Just thought you would be better than him. Guess not. If you need me, fuck off." Tim turned around and headed back onto Gotham's streets.

He landed at the back entrance for the Nest. He inputs his code.

"Invalid entry."

He tries again.

"Invalid entry. Please try again."

He punches the console and makes another attempt.

"Invalid entry."

"Override 01"

"Voice recognition required."

The angry, broken-hearted ex-Robin deepens his voice until it is unrecognizable, nearly a growl, and he speaks. "I'm Batman." The Bat Symbol spins as it loads, and the screen glows green.

"Access granted." The elevator doors open, and he steps in, going to the residential floor.

It was dark. The only light was from the perpetual fireplace in the center of the floor and the illuminated glass placards. Tim walks to the kitchen pulling a glass and the "secret" bottle of whiskey from under the stove. He pours a drink and powers through. Then another. And another. And another. He makes one more drink and saunters back to the living room, and there it is, five sheets of glass, one representing each bird-themed hero. The blue Nightwing, the red "RR", a black spraypainted "R", a blue dove, and a red hawk. It all reminded Tim of what he had lost. Dawn left because she tried to get Hank clean, but he kept sneaking it behind her back. Dawn confronted Dick about the situation. He decided that as long as Hank could adequately do the job, he could stay, so she left. Jason was dead. Hank was probably doing a line of cocaine while shooting himself up with heroin. And it was all because of Dick. If Dick would've helped, they would be one happy bird family. Since he didn't, one was buried on this stormy night, one was knocking on death's door, another was dying a fate worse than death, and the other didn't want anything to do with them.

"Aargh!" The glass went flying across the room. Nightwing's panel was down, and the blue spotlight used to color the glass reflected through the window to the city. Then Tim picked up the bowl of decorative rocks from the coffee table. He and Hank thought they were stupid when they moved in, but Dawn liked them, so Hank changed his tune, and the impressionable Tim did anything to be like the cool kids. Dawn was gone, and so was Dove's panel, the white light untamed. Hank was off his rocker, and his panel soared to the floor in pieces. There was no Robin anymore, so they would have to replace it. Tim just made the contractor's job easier. The shattered glass on the floor was the pride and joy of the Nest just moments ago. When they installed it, Jason wanted to personalize his because he was an outcast. Dick allowed it after explaining why Hank couldn't do his design of a big red penis. On dark nights, you could see the symbols in the night sky. To some, they were symbols of hope. Others, chaos. But if you were looking for that hope tonight, all you would see was some lights and a red "RR" backlit by a gold luminescence.

Tim screamed and cried, breaking the dishware until nothing was left but the one glass and the bottle he had been drinking all night. It was nearing empty, and Tim could barely see straight. That's when he heard the 80s rock coming from down the hall. Tim gulped the rest of the bottle like it was the only thing to keep him going.

He slowly made his way down the hall, tripping and stumbling along the way. His training with Batman prepared him for the most potent Fear Toxin but not the 60-year-old whiskey. He listened to the soft music get louder. Then, Tim drunkenly pushes open the door revealing Hank Hall in a tank top and shorts. He sits on his bed, pulling the rubber band tight with his teeth, getting ready to insert the needle in his arm. 

He looks up to see the new adult bracing himself against the doorframe. He releases the tension on the band and drops the needle on the bed. "What the hell are you doing here, kid?"

"Ju-just taking the edge off. You know, doing the fun part of grieving where you drink until you feel like a fish. What's that you got there? A little heroine? What-whats got you down in the dumps? It can't be Jason because the only person who's allowed to grieve him is me. That memo came from the big bat himself, so don't worry, I got it all handled." Tim walks into the room and picks up the needle. "Don't want to accidentally sit on this, so I'll take it off your hands." Tim walks away, heading out of the room. Hank gets up, chasing Tim down the hall and into the lab seeing all the damage passing the living room and kitchen.

"Give me the needle, kid. You're hurt. I get that. What's in that syringe is something stronger than street drugs." Hank tries to talk Tim down as he ties the rubber band around his bicep.

"I'm not a kid anymore." Tim chuckles. "I don't think I've ever been a "kid". Except when I first met you guys, but what kid goes out in the middle of the night on patrol. I was raised to kill. Something like death shouldn't affect me like this."

"Death gets us all. Nobody can run from it."

"That's where you're wrong, Hanky Panky. See, there's this thing called a Lazarus Pit, and the man who raised me... Not the bat fucker but Ra's al Ghul he- he used it to keep himself youthful. He let me use it a few times. Without it, I- I would have never made it to Gotham. But I'm here. Crying like a little girl because my best friend is in the ground when there is a Lazarus Pit under WAYNE FUCKING MANOR!"

"Wait?" Hank starts to think but is too slow for Tim. 

"That's right! Bruce could've brought Jason back to life if he wanted."

"Does Dick know?"

"Who cares? He's just going to say some bullshit about Bruce not wanting to make a big deal about-"

"Stay here." Hank runs out of the lab, and Tim twirls the syringe in his hand. He strides over to the computer, and Tim places the contents of the syringe into a vial, taking the vial to the scanner. After waiting a few seconds for the scan, the computer analyzes the particles showing the genetic sequence of the serum.

"Mirakuru. Genetically it looks like Bane Venom or that weird formula Mark Desmond created." Tim researches the serum, articles, database archives, and encrypted files flood the screen. "Mirakuru is a super-soldier serum created by the Japanese during World War II that causes enhanced physical abilities once injected. Use of the serum can risk death or warp the person's mind and personality, driving the subject to insanity, aggression, and hostility." He finished reading. "Sounds like a regular day in Gotham."

Tim takes the vial from the scanner and inserts it into a syringe gun. "Let's warp my mind." Tim injects himself with the serum causing him to convulse for a moment before regaining control of his body.

Tim goes to the Bird House, a room designated for their suits, and takes a pistol from Searcher's suit. Then, he calls the elevator and leaves the building.

Hank ran back to his room, looking for his phone. He finds it and dials the last number he called.

"Dammit, Dick, pick up the phone!" After several forwards to voicemail, he calls another number.

"Hello?"

"Thank fucking God you got service on that damn island."

"Hank? Wha- How did you get my number?"

"That doesn't matter right now. You need to ask for the keys to that invisible jet because Tim is off his fucking rocker."

"Hank, Tim is grieving. We all are. He not only lost Jason, but he lost his team too. Light did a number on all of us. So Tim throwing a tantrum or two is understandable."

"Disbanding the Titans, I get. Drinking his problems away, I get. You didn't see how he wrecked the living room and the kitchen. You didn't see how drunk off his ass he is. He's craving drugs. He has drugs. And you know how anti-drugs he is after the Stephanie Brown situation."

"Where would he get something that would actually affect his body? The street stuff isn't going to cut it."

Hank sighs. "He got it from me."

"Are you serious, Hank? You know what, why did I think any higher of you? Of course, you would call someone else to clean up your mess. Dawn was right about you." The phone call ends.

"Shit."

Hank searches his phone for another number to call, and he hears the elevator's ding. He darts to the Bird House and calls the elevator, but it returns vacant. The undone strap of Pat's holster gives him cause for alarm. Tim hated using guns. He called them a coward's weapon, one of the few things he and Jason actually fought over. Jason had a black eye for a month and was pulled from patrol for insubordination, but Tim snuck him out. Hank runs to the lab seeing a used gun on the table and the screen showing his Mirakuru research. Hank calls Zatanna Zatara a last-ditch effort to stop his friend.

"Zee, I know you can't bring anybody from the dead, but if you could, right now would be the time to do it. Tim is out on the streets and about to do some damage. Not including he injected himself with a super drug. I'm going after him, but please, you're the last person I know who can help him."

"You're right. I can't bring back the dead, but I can give him some comfort. Find Tim and get him alone. I have a plan."

In the dark and damp streets of Gotham, the rain had stopped. Tim wandered in his soaking wet clothes picking fights with anyone he deemed worthy of one. He walked the sidewalk in front of an alleyway where a man held a couple at gunpoint. A shot rang out. The two men stood there in fear holding each other close, shielding their eyes from their horrifying death. After realizing they were unharmed, they opened their eyes. They saw their attacker standing still and a bloodstain growing on his shirt. The man dropped to the ground; the couple looked up and saw Tim's silhouette illuminated by the blinking streetlamp, still holding the gun as if he were waiting for a glamor photo.

The burlier of the men tried to focus his sight on his hero, but Tim was gone. Walking further down the street, Tim is run over by a guy in a red hoodie running down the road. "Hey!" Ignoring the call, the guy continues running. In his anger, Tim chases after him. After running for a few minutes, Tim sees the assailant run into an abandoned building. "Got you now fuck face."

Tim holds the gun tight in his hand and slowly enters. "You forgot to say sorry. You fucking lowlife."

Stalking further into the building, Tim comes to a wall and hears music on the other side. He follows the wall to find a door, and after the count of three, he kicks the door in. It was a barroom, and at the sight of the gun-wielding young man, everyone cleared out. The band leaves their instruments in a hurry to escape the possible gunfire. Tim scans the room looking for the guy he ran down, but he's gone.

"Am I at the seeing things stage?" 

Tim walks behind the bar fixing himself another drink. 

"If you get to drink, then I want a beer."

Tim lets the words enter one ear and exit the other. "I am definitely hearing things." He pours the whiskey into a glass and fixes himself a bowl of fruit from the fridge under the bar top. A song begins to play on the drums. It was Jason's favorite song from Hank's playlist, a point of contention between the two during parties at The Nest. But this one song was the musical opinion they agreed on.

"Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad. I'm hot for teacher. I've got it bad, so bad. I'm hot for teacher."

It was his voice. It was THE voice. It was Jason's voice. Tim turned around and looked at the poorly lit stage, the lights obscuring the face attached to the drummer's body.

"No. It can't be. Bruce refused to put you in the pit. Zee can't bring back the dead, and Zatara has been missing, so I will ask you this once. Who are you?"

"It's me-"

"Bullshit!" Tim screamed, squeezing the glass so tight it cracked, spilling into his palm. He put the glass down on the bar top, wiping the wasted alcohol on his pants, which were still uncomfortably wet. It was like he took the polar plunge challenge fully clothed and never dried off.

"It's me whether you believe me or not. I'm here to give you closure." The drummer stands.

"Give me the wrong answer, and I'll shoot. How did you die?"

After a few breaths, the voice, who may or may not be Jason, responded. "Joker's girlfriend kidnaped me, and about an hour later, Joker took a crowbar to my face and blew up the building on top of me." There was a slight beat before the gun clip was unloaded on the stage. The drummer jumped down in the nick of time, dodging bullets aimed at him, although sloppily.

"Jace never called Harley the Joker's girlfriend. He either called her Harley or the Queen of Arkham." The guy took a couple steps towards Tim, and now in the light, Tim could see his face. The face that matched the voice. Jason slowly moved toward Tim, the gun aimed at his heart.

"You don't want to do that, Red. Put the gun down. You hate feeling it in your hand. You-"

"Take another step, and I'll shoot!" Tim was so distracted he didn't hear the round of police sirens going off outside. 

"Red, calm down. You don't even know if I'm even real. Look at yourself. If I were alive, I would be so pissed. You made a promise to me. Do you remember what it was?"

"I promised to not let you become something you're not. You're not your parents-"

"So, do you think this stunt your pulling is honoring that promise?"

"That was for you, not me."

"And you held me accountable. For everything. Cleaning the bikes, making sure the oil was changed on the BatMobile, and polishing boots, even Dick's from his Robin days. I had protocols in the BatHandbook memorized more than Alfred, and on top of that, I was training, doing chores, out on patrol with Bats, and going to school."

"You think I wasn't doing my fair share of tasks?"

"I know you did. That's why I admire you so much. I never loved you." 

Tim's face didn't show it, but he was stabbed in the heart. Was it true? Did Jason never love him? What about at the stadium? That was more of an order. Had Tim been fooling himself all this time? Reaching for something that he would never have. Was love an unachievable goal for an assassin like him? All of these questions and thoughts ran through his head. Suddenly a boom made him flinch as three thugs came into the building, entering the barroom.

"Put the gun down, kid. I don't wanna hurt ya."

The men entered the room. Muscular tough guys, with physiques rivaling Bruce and Hank.

"Are they real?" Jason said out loud, but who he said it to could be brought into question.

In his reckless mind-fogged state, Tim aimed the gun at the mobsters and pulled the trigger. When nothing came out, he grabbed a barstool and swung it against one guy's face breaking it into pieces. Then, Tim took two of the legs and used them as batons. It was a scary and bloody scene. When Tim was done, they weren't breathing.

Outside, more police sirens approach the building. An unmarked vehicle came to a halt. An older man steps out, walking with a cane. Hank turns around, sees the man, and instantly fends him off. 

"Commissioner, I know what this looks like, but we-"

"Hall, I have reports of shots fired and a trail of people severely beaten within an inch of their life. Whoever is in there has to pay."

Hank sighs. "How we looking, Zee?" 

Zatanna stands facing the door, eyes as bright as the moon and her gloves glowing to match. "Stable on my end."

"Oracle?"

"It's bad, Hank. The cops need medical attention. If it weren't for Zatanna's spell, they would've been dead. You have to keep my dad from going in there." Oracle speaks from Hank's earpiece.

"Commissioner, I need you to hold your men back. We almost have him ready to come out."

"Who's in there? Two-Face? Mad Hatter? Zsasz?"

"I can't tell you at the moment."

"Why?"

"You're not going to like who it is, and I'm not letting your daughter blame me for your blood pressure being higher than Wayne Tower."

"For God's sake Hall, I have people in there, and if they don't come out, I go in."

"I am begging you for ten more minutes. We have everything under control."

Commissioner Gordon sighs, knowing the stakes of keeping his officers in the building. "You have ten. One second more, and I'm pulling the plug."

Back inside, Tim sits the bodies on the wall, having them lean on each other for support, and throws the empty gun on top of them. He turns to Jason. "Now, where were we?"

"The highlights were me saying I never loved you, you threatening me, and questioning whether any of this was real. You're hopped up on Mirakuru and drunk out of your mind. Ooo, what if it's a spell?" Jason says with a slight grin on his face.

"Bringing Jason back is out of Zee's wheelhouse. And there's no one else who can do that."

"She is becoming a master of illusion. She should take that act on the road, like her father. Well, that didn't end too well for him. Hopefully, she can do better. Now that I think about it, Zee never did find Giovanni? She probably would have if she had her team behind her. With all of those Bat resources at your disposal-"

"Bruce looked for him. We all did. It was like he vanished into thin air, but with magic involved, he could be anywhere."

"The tech genius believing in magic isn't that funny. No, what would really be funny is if this was all a dream."

Hearing this, Tim was taken aback. Could this be a dream? When did it start? Was it after the building? Was it when he watched Bruce bury the body? Is he laid out on the floor in the lab with a needle in his arm from the Mirakuru?

"If this is a dream, there's only one way to wake up." Tim takes another wooden stool, smashes it like the first time, and picks up the leg with the sharpest end. He swings it around in his hand for a moment. Tim grips it tightly and proceeds to impale his chest. After a loud response to the pain, he twists the wood beam deeper when another voice enters the room. 

"Stop."

Tim looked to the door to see the woman he called his sister dressed in black and red leathery armor. 

"Nyssa?"

"Father has requested that you return immediately. Your time in Gotham has expired, and you shall resume your duties with him, Al Layl."

Al Layl was a name that became foreign to Tim, but that's how he knew everything had happened. That the pain he experienced was not something he conjured as a punishment. He looked about the room and saw the bodies he piled together. 

"Nyssa, I did-"

"There is no time for apologies. You are an assassin again. Act like it." Nyssa pulls the wood from Al Layl's chest and patches it up for travel. 

"Are we done here?"

Nyssa's eyes pivot to Jason. "Yes, we-" A crowd of gangsters floods the room aiming weapons at Al Layl.

"Hands where we can see them."

"Don't shoot! Don't shoot!" Hank runs in after them. "Zee, drop the spell." Then, in a blinding light, the barroom returned to an empty warehouse. The gangsters turned into GCPD cops wearing SWAT gear, including the ones in the corner. Al Layl saw everything for what it was, but one thing stayed the same, Jason was still there looking confused.

"It's okay. You can take it off now!" Hank yelled across the empty space. 

Jason scratched at his neck, peeling off his skin to reveal himself. "Nice to meet you, Timothy."

"Christopher Chance, the Human Target." 

"In my flesh."

"All this-"

Hank interrupts Al Layl, talking straight to Nyssa. "He needs to get out of here now, or Gordon will arrest him. Jet's waiting on the roof."

Hank, Chris, and the police officers walk out of the building. "Where is he?"

"I told you, Commissioner. We had everything under control." From the corner of Hank's eye, he sees Chris and Zatanna meet Dick Grayson behind one of the tactical trucks. Dick makes eye contact with Hank, and Hank somberly and inaudibly mouths, "Thank you," Dick nods, leaving the crime scene with Zee and Chris following.

"Under control? Explain "under control" to the families that I have to tell that their son or daughter won't come home because they're dead!"

"Whelm yourself, Gordon.."

"You know what? I'm done. Done with you, with Batman and his Robins, the Tit-" Gordon grabs his chest dropping his cane, and his breathing falls short. 

"Commissioner?" Hank notices the sweat covering his face and hands. Gordon begins to fall, but Hank moves closer, catching him. "Medic! I need a medic over here!" Hank yells as the paramedics ride away the officers that Al Layl piled up.

"Gordon. Gordon? Say something, Jim." Jim doesn't move. He takes a breath, but when his chest falls, it never rises again.

"Hank, what's going on? Hank, talk to me." Hank heard in his ear, forgetting Oracle was on the other side.

"The Commissioner is down. He's dead, Barbara."

[voxiiferous]

Appeal to the Audience

@thenextchapterbegins

The night of Gier Guld’s broadcast sees Vox pacing back and forth in his penthouse, Hellaina sitting at the bar counter between his living room and the kitchen, Dia making dinner for the two of them. He is, almost literally, vibrating, but instead the nervous electricity radiates, Dia’s hair frizzing.

He’s muttering obscenities, and Hellaina is following his path across the room with a half-turned up expression, even as her eyes belie worry. “What are you going to do?”

“I have to speak out.”

His suit is pressed, smile absolutely radiant as he stands in front of the cameras, the man behind it giving a silent countdown until they go live, and then every screen in Hell flickers on. “Hello Pentagram City, I’m sure at least most of you saw Gier Guld’s yesterday. His promises of reform, his condemnation of the current system— and I will not pretend that he doesn’t have merit. There are many deep set issues here, ones that emerged before I was here, and that I should have done more to try and fix. He calls me your leader,”

He holds out his hands, as if in a welcoming motion. “But that’s not true. The royal family has abandoned us here, washed their hands of the sinners. When the food shortages began, I was the one who bartered with the other rings for more imports to stop breadlines forming, or starvation that caused more conflict. When gang wars break out and break the power grids, it’s my engineers that repair it in a timely manner so you have power. I am not your leader, but I have done by best to provide for you, for us. Vogitek is working to implement the metro lines we've been planning for months now, because I, like you, cannot stand the traffic."

It’s probably a bit gauche to directly address Gier’s points, but then again, needs must. “He outright says that life under him would be cruel— and yes, this is Hell, but if we have been given free reign, should be not strive to make our after lives something better than wondering if we’ll walk out to the Exterminators each year, when the alternative is what he presents?”

“Pentagram City is overpopulated, and as the Blue Light District climbs higher and higher in order to provide houses to the ever increasing population, he promises parks and green spaces. Where are the arts? The things that make life worth living? Where in his process is there music or performances? Singers, painters, actors, writers, where will you be left under this new system?"

He looks at the camera, letting his eyes burn for a second or two, not long enough for the silence to reign, just long enough that everyone is waiting. "Overlords who are hearing me speak, I know some of you don't like me, I think it's impossible to live here and not see the results of mine and Alastor's ongoing feud, but I am asking you to consider what this means for you-- Gier Guld promises a life outside my tyranny, but do you think that will be kind to you? That you will be able to hold onto, or take more power if I am out of the way? I ask that we put aside our differences, none of it matters when we stand to lose everything."

"He promises growth, he promises the ability to rise above your station, but when has that ever been true? You'll work, and you'll bleed, and you'll give it all up for what? To be a slightly bigger cog in his machine? Do you take the promises of what seem too good to be true, or will you work to reform the devil you know into something better? The choice is yours Pentagram City."

[pcwpolwrestling]

11/8/2016-Replay of Extreme Election Night 2016-Part Two

PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2016 Taped Tuesday November 8th Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, OH Announcer: Johnny Suave

Dawn McGill Speaks The camera scans the interior of Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon- an old style, rustic tavern with an expansive interior and two levels.  The eight hundred people filling up the main floor and the balcony overlooking the main area are their feet and making a lot of noise inside the bar.  Lots of pro-Clinton signs in the Progressive Alliance section.  Lots of pro-Trump signs where the American Patriots are sitting as well.

Crowd (chanting): …PC-DUB! PC-DUB!  PC-DUB!…

The bulk of the crowd filled the main room with the heads of those sitting or standing along the walls silhouetted in black against the backdrop of the neon beer signs.  Latecomers to tonight’s show found themselves relegated up to the second level of Hack’s.  The upstairs tables were set up in a half circular pattern on the south end of the building to allow everyone a halfway decent sight line to the stage down below.  The main stage occupied the north end of the main floor with a huge ‘PCW-Political Championship Wrestling’ banner hanging on the back wall.  The wrestling ring was set up in the middle of the bar with big screen television monitor.

PCW owner Dawn McGill stands in the middle of the ring. Black coat. Black shirt. Blue jeans with a pair of black heels that adds a couple inches to her six foot tall frame. She runs her hand through her medium length blonde hair.

Behind her, a country band stands at the ready on stage in front of the ring.  The lead guitarist noodles a part on his guitar as McGill raises the microphone to her mouth.

Dawn McGill: Ladies and gentlemen.  WELCOME TO POLITICAL CHAMPIONSHIP WRESTLING!

Crowd (chanting even louder): … PC-DUB! PC-DUB!  PC-DUB!…

Dawn nods with a smile as the crowd goes crazy.  She grins and lets them continue to cheer for a few more seconds.

Dawn McGill: Welcome to PCW’s Extreme Election Night 2016!

The volume inside the saloon became deafening.  McGill again steps back and waits for the din to quiet down enough for her to go on.

Dawn McGill: Eleven years ago, PCW began right here at Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon, on the northeast corner of the intersection of Shoop Ave. and Airport Highway right here in Wauseon, Ohio!  Y’all remember the first PCW Loose Cannons Unleashed show?

She pauses as the crowd shouts back ‘yes.’

Dawn McGill: Who was here ten years ago…back in 2006…for the first ever PCW Extreme Election Night?

Again, she waits for the return answer.

Dawn McGill: That’s right.  And who saw our special 10th Anniversary Reunion show last year in Chicago?

Again, the folks inside Hack’s raise the decibel level and shout their approval.

Dawn McGill: PCW had a great seven year run from 2005 to 2012.  Then like a lot of good things, we got a little burned out and we ran out of gas.  And PCW went away on hiatus.  But TONIGHT….PCW is back and better than ever!  Tonight, we’ve got a great show for you.  Tonight, it is about two things.  One, who will leave here as new PCW CEO?  Will it be Donald Trump?

The American Patriots section of the crowd continue to cheer while the Progressive Alliance supporters sit down.

Dawn McGill: Or…will it be Hillary…Rodham…Clinton!

The Progressive Alliance faction jump to their feet while the American Patriots shut up and sit.

Dawn McGill: Two.  We will be crowning a NEW PCW Champion tonight.  Who will be in that match?

The fans shout out a myriad of different names.

Dawn McGill:  But before we get to that, to kick off our return show- old friends of PCW…just back from their ‘A Pirate Turns Fifty Mid-life Crisis Across America tour- THE BLACK SWAMP PIRATES!

Junior Jackson, the bedraggled, aged in mid-fifties lead singer of the group wearing a Johnny Cash t-shirt and a Texas baseball cap, steps forward.

Junior Jackson: HEY GREEN DAY, I’VE GOT YOUR ‘REDNECK AGENDA’ RIGHT HERE!

=================================

AMERICAN ELITIST Jackson raises his right hand and prominently extends his middle finger.   Then he begins to strum on the mandolin.  The crowd jumps to their feet.  Several raise their beer bottles in the air.

Junior Jackson (sings): Sure as hell don’t want to be an American Elitist Sure as hell don’t want to be self-absorbed and conceited Don’t want to look down my nose while sipping cappuccino Don’t want to push my political views cause I act and hit a high note I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above I guess we’re supposed to listen, cause you’ve got a Hollywood star Your perks and privilege gets you places we’ll never see. Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet. Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass Hide behind the velvet ropes and you can kiss our ass

The rest of the band kicks in a hard driving country beat with a little rock thrown in for good measure.  The crowd claps and sing along.

Junior Jackson (sings): Sure as hell don’t want to be an American Elitist Corporate greed, indeed, you see, is the way they want to be yes Golden parachutes that only seem to help the big guns. While no one seems to give a damn about us little ones I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above And I guess you’ve got a better way since you drive a fancy car Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see. Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet. Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass Hide out at your country clubs and you can kiss our ass

A few of the patrons thrust their fists into the air, middle finger extended, and shout ‘KISS OUR ASS!’

The loud, rhythmic clap thunders through the bar in waves during the solo as the lead guitarist and the steel-guitarist of the Black Swamp Pirates trade licks back and forth.

Junior Jackson (sings): Sure as hell don’t want to be an American Elitist Big money special interests- they’ll get what they need yeah One dollar equals one vote- hey, that’s the way the game’s played While the rest of us get to watch our dreams slowly slip away I know it’s hard to see us when you’re up so far above And if you’ve got the cash to pay, you get all the fun Your perks and privileges gets you places we will never see. Your power and prestige gets you people we’ll never meet. Stay inside your limousine behind the tinted glass Spend your cash, buy an election and you can kiss our ass

Crowd (chanting): KISS OUR ASS!

==============

MATCH #1- American Patriot Elimination Match- Winner Wrestles for the PCW Title Referee: Davey Keels

Starz N. Stripes – former 2 time PCW Champion and PCW Television Champion.  PCW’s Original ‘Rookie Sensation.’ HT: 6′ 3″  WT: 245, HOME: Ottumwa, IA /  FIN: American Stars and Fuji Bar

Kirk Walstreit – ‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’  Managed by the King of Greed Gordon Guyko. HT: 6-2  WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY / FIN: Stock Market Plunge

Texas Jack – Managed by the Texas Cowgirl Haley Dallas HT: 6’4″ WT: 255, HOME: Beaumont, TX / FIN: Texas Lariat

RINO-The Wonk Machine HT: 6′ 0″  WT: 275, HOME: Detroit, MI / FIN: Spear!

Magnum P.O’d – Managed by Robyn MastersHT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235 HOME: Honolulu, HI / FIN: Porsche Plunge

***MATCH RECAP*** …Magnum PO’d ducks a wild right thrown by Texas Jack but gets caught by a running kick from Starz. Starz for the cover…1…2.  Magnum kicks out.  He fights back but RINO grabs him from behind, spins him, and hits the red state thunder bomb.  RINO covers- again Magnum kicks out at 2.  Texas Jack hits a uranage on RINO.  Texas Jack avoids Walstreit’s lariat and brawls with Magnum to the floor.  Starz locks in the American Stars and Fuji Bar on RINO and the Wonk Machine is forced to tap out.

RINO-The Wonk Machine is eliminated

As soon as RINO exits the ring, Texas Jack attacks Walstreit.  Walstreit evades and rolls Jack up.  The Texas Cowgirl is late to make the save and it goes 1…2…3.

Texas Jack is eliminated.

…Walstreit was isolated as Starz and Magnum took turns pounding on him.  Finally, Starz was pulled to the floor by Robyn Masters.   Magnum went in for the kill but out of nowhere Walstreit uncorks a superkick.   Starz back in and suplexes the hell out of Walstreit.  Then Magnum back in.  He cleans house and scores a near fall on Starz. It looks like Magnum and would work over Walstreit for a bit but then Walstreit turned on Magnum and took him out with the Stock Market Plunge.   Cover…1…2…3.

Magnum P.O’d eliminated

Walstreit goes top rope and hits a dive onto Starz.  Stock Market Plunge.  Cover.  1…2…3.

Starz N. Stripes eliminated

WINNER: Kirk Walstreit @ 18:36

=================================

AN UNWELCOME VISITOR FROM THE SOUTH After the match, the longtime voice of PCW- Johnny Suave climbs in (think low rent Joey Styles).  Suave wears a brown suit coat over a plain white shirt with jeans.  He kind of resembles Ronnie Dunn of the country supergroup Brooks and Dunn- if Dunn looked mangy and bloated.  Suave smiles, takes a deep breath, and raises the microphone to his mouth.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Crowd (chanting): …WELCOME BACK!  WELCOME BACK!…

Suave waits out the crowd and lets them go on for a few more seconds.

Johnny Suave: Welcome to PCW Extreme Election Night 2016 on Heartland Television! My name is Johnny Suave and it is great to be back.  Like Dawn McGill said, it’s been four years since PCW came to an end.  Yes, we ran shows in 2013 and 2014 but couldn’t quite find the groove again.  Then the Reunion Show last year kind of put that little bug back in our ear.  And with tonight’s show, PCW will have run a show each year since 2005.

Suave pauses as the crowd applauds.

Johnny Suave: But now tonight, we start new.  Tonight is all about choosing a new PCW CEO- either Hillary Clinton of the Progressive Alliance or Donald Trump of the American Patriots.  Tonight is also about crowning a new PCW champion.  Ladies and gentlemen…PCW IS BACK-

Suddenly, there’s a commotion.  Someone runs across the stage where the band is disassembling their instruments and flies off the stage.  He continues and slides into the ring.   The man is a southerner with gray hair and he seems a little excited too to be there.

He jumps up off the mat and Suave recognizes who he is.

Johnny Suave: WHAT?  FORMER LOUISIANA STATE REP AND CANDIDATE FOR PRESIDENT, THE SENATE, AND THE HOUSE, DAVID DUKE?  WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING-

Boos rings out from the audience.

David Duke: I’M BACK!  THAT’S RIGHT.  DAVID DUKE IS BACK AND I’M RUNNING FOR THE SENATE AGAIN!

More boos.  Suave shakes his head and folds his arms while he watches.

David Duke: The media has raked me over the coals, targeted me, lied endlessly about me, but I have never given up. I’m still standing, still fighting, and I remain unbroken.  THIS TIME, WE’RE GOING TO-

**Def Leppard’s ‘Tear It Down’ begins to play**

Hack’s explodes.

Johnny Suave: HELLO!

Duke craps himself.

Everyone knows what this means.

Johnny Suave: HE’S COME BACK TO PCW!

He’s come back to PCW all right.  Sprinting across the stage, all six foot eight, three hundred ten pounds of him, wearing a t-shirt with ‘WTF?’ on the front with sweat paints, and your garden variety wrestling shoes.  Oh…and he wears a tie around his head like a headband.

Johnny Suave: IT’S THE EXTREME EQUALIZER.  WHISKEY!  TANGO!  FOX-TROTTTTTTTTTTT!

Hauling serious ass down the aisle, Whiskey Tango Foxtrot jumps onto the ring apron and swings his legs over the top rope.  In one rapid movement, he grabs Duke by the throat.  Lifts him into the air.  And drives him down with great force to the mat.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  CHOKE SLAM!  CHOKE SLAM!

Crowd (chanting): …PCW! PCW! PCW!…

Johnny Suave: WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT JUST DESTROYED DAVID DUKE! 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot salutes the people of Hack’s before taking his leave just as Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew make their way to the ring.  Two of the crew reach in and grab an arm and pull Duke towards the edge.  Duke then tumbles off the ring apron and lands on the floor.

Johnny Suave: While Nurse Nellie and company clean up the mess, let’s take it backstage to our, you got it, intrepid backstage interviewer Paige McGillicutty.  Take it away Paige.

=================================

BACKSTAGE Paige McGillicutty, a sultry brunette with wavy hair and wearing the typical backstage announcer garb, appears on camera in the hallway in the back.

Behind her, two security guards keep watch outside an official looking door.

Close up on the sign on the door.  “Committee Meeting in Progress”

Paige McGillicutty: Thanks Johnny.  Paige McGillicutty here and as we speak, Republicans Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan along with Democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi of the PCW Executive Committee with Vice President Joe Biden (D) are hashing out the final details on determining a new PCW Champion.  We know ‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’ Kirk Walstreit representing the American Patriots.  We’re just about to find out who will be representing the Progressive Alliance.  The big question is will there be an independent representative who will be in the match as well?

*flute and clarinet flourish* 

Two men appear on screen.  They unroll a white carpet that leads to the door.

Dancers then appear.  They…dance.  Ballet dancers show up…they…ballet?

Little children walk up the white carpet and drop rose petals.

Some guy lets loose some pigeons…we’re not sure just how they’ll get out of the building.

PCW CEO Barack Obama appears surrounded by his aides and second in command Joe Biden.  One of the security guards opens the door so Obama and the aides can go inside.

Paige McGillicutty: And as you can see, PCW CEO Obama has arrived.  They’ll be working throughout the night on a plan and as soon as they are ready to finalize tonight’s PCW Title match we will let you know.  Back to you Johnny.

=================================

MATCH 2: Progressive Alliance Elimination Match- Winner Wrestles for the PCW Title

‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism- former PCW Champion and 2 time PCW Television Champion- Valets are Paris and Nicole aka the Skanky Rich Bimbos.HT: 6′ 2″ WT: 225, HOME: Hollywood, CA / FIN:  Hollywood Blockbuster

GreenPete- Managed by Peta from PETA– member of the Green World OrderHT: 5′ 11″  WT: 195, HOME: Los Angeles, CA / FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore)

James the Jeep Worker- Managed by Union Jack TaylorHT: 5’10″, WT: 221, HOME: Toledo, OH / FIN: Picket Line

Kathryn Randall Collins- 4 time PCW Women’s ChampionHT: 5′ 11″ WT: 145, HOME: Ft. Myers, FL / FIN: Gogoplata

The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior HT: 6’ 2”, WT: 265, HOME: Washington, DC / FIN:

***MATCH RECAP*** …Peta from PETA pulls GreenPete out of James the Jeep Worker’s way causing him to whiff on a Picket Line.  Chaos ensues.  Union Jack Taylor then chases Peta up the ramp and the Ultimate Social Warrior knocks down GreenPete.  KRC slides in and locks GreenPete up in the Gogoplata.  The GWO member quickly taps.

GreenPete eliminated.

But with Union Jack out of the way, it allows the USJW to lift James the Jeep Worker up and plant him right back down with the Gorilla Press Drop.  Easy cover…1…2…3

James the Jeep Worker eliminated.

…Chism nails KRC with a flying forearm and stomps USJW in the corner. Chism sets the Ultimate Social Warrior for the Hollywood Blockbuster but USJW holds the top rope to block.  KRC slides in.  She avoids a superkick from Chism and eats a clothesline.  USJW gets a steel chair but walks right into a superkick from Chism that lays him out.   Chism hits a spinebuster on KRC and then finishes her off with the Hollywood Blockbuster.  Cover…1…2…3.

Kathryn Randall Collins eliminated.

USJW immediately took offense at Chism.  He tries for an implant DDT but Chism counters into the Hollywood Blockbuster- which USJW blocks.  Chism ends up in Gorilla Press but before USJW can finish the more, the SRB make their move.  Paris and Nichole jump into the ring and whip off their tops.

Johnny Suave: WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

USJW immediately objects and goes to the referee.  From behind, Chism takes a waistlock and then rolls USJW back.  Cover…1…2…3.

The Ultimate Social Justice Warrior eliminated.

WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @ 15:09

=================================

LET’S MAKE A DEAL Johnny Suave: So, it’s going to be ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism of the Progressive Alliance versus the American Patriots’s Kirk Walstreit for the PCW Title later on tonight.  Now, let’s-

Man’s Voice (Off screen): WAIT!

Waddling onto the stage is a large, three hundred pound man.  He’s sporting a bright red t-shirt that barely…BARELY covers up his protruding belly with ‘ROAD RAGE’ stenciled on the front over a pair of wrestling tights that are stretched to their limits.

He also has something golden draped over his shoulder.

Johnny Suave: IT’S TRIPLE R!  AND HE’S STILL GOT THE PCW TITLE BELT!

The crowd already knows who it is and greet the portly former PCW champion with a serenade of boos.  Triple R holds up the title belt with one hand and flips off the crowd with the other.

Johnny Suave: Well, at least he’s lost a few pounds since the last night we saw him.

The last time we saw Triple R?

(FILM CLIP- TRIPLE R’s APPEARANCE AT THE PCW REUNION SHOW/BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW- September 2015) PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein in the back.

Woodward Bernstein: Okay.  With me now is someone who will be very familiar to PCW fans over the years.  At the PCW vs. EECW War in March 2007, he won the provisional PCW title.  He finally arose to the top in September 2012 and won the PCW title outright.  He’s definitely a polarizing figure.  Please welcome, the Angry Highway Warrior- Road Rage Randy aka TRIPLE R!

Triple R glides sideways into the shot…kind of.  He’s put on a few pounds since his last PCW match.  Like one hundred.

Woodward Bernstein: Triple R.  You’re here tonight even though Dawn McGill removed you from the card and won’t let you wrestle-

Triple R grabs the microphone from Bernstein and begins to talk.  He’s half in, half out of the shot.

Triple R: Shut the *BLEEP* up!  This is a joke.  I, who by rights should be the greatest PCW wrestler ever except that I’ve been screwed over every single step of the way, deserve to be out there with Yamamoto Tanaka, Stone Chism, Chris Escondido, and Justin Sufferable because NONE of them can hold my jock strap.  I am getting screwed here.  I’ve lost track of all the times that I was screwed out of the PCW title.  And then I finally win the damn thing and the company closes up. 

Bernstein gently retrieves the microphone back from Triple R.

Woodward Bernstein: Could it be that the reason they can’t hold your jock strap is because you’ve put on so much weight since PCW closed down?

It takes a second for Triple R to get the reference.

Triple R: WHAT?  I’m in the best *BLEEP*-ing shape ever.

The camera man steps back to try to get Triple R into the whole picture.  He gets about three quarters of him in the shot.

Triple R: Yeah, I might have put on a couple pounds since then.  I’m still the best wrestler who’s ever competed in PCW.  I deserve to be out there more than that prissy, pants suit wearing business lady Jill Berg does.

Triple R bends down a little and stares right at the camera.

Triple R: YOU LISTEN TO ME DAWN McGILL!  PUT ME IN THE MATCH!  I DESERVE IT.  MY FANS DESERVE IT!  MAKE IT HAPPEN!

And with that, Triple R and the small planetary satellites orbiting around him in synchronous rotation exit the scene.

Triple R (off screen): THAT’S NOT FUNNY!

Woodward Bernstein (trying to surpress a smile): Back to you Johnny.

Triple R now has a microphone looking less than amused.  He’s not necessarily pleased about the replay of last year’s backstage interview.

Triple R:  THAT’S STILL NOT FUNNY!

He begins to pace back and forth.

Triple R: And besides I’ve lost weight since then.

Johnny Suave: Not much.

Triple R: Sure, I may have put on a few pounds since 2012, but the fact remains that I was the last PCW champion.  I’ve got the PCW title belt.

The camera closes in on Triple R.  He points to the belt and then points to the camera.

Triple R: That’s right.  I’VE GOT THE PCW TITLE BELT!  I am the PCW Champion.  Me!  Triple R.  Road Rage Randy! The Angry Highway Warrior!

He points again to the belt to make it clear that he, Triple R, Road Rage Randy, The Angry Highway Warrior, is the rightful PCW Champion.

Triple R: So Dawn McGill!  You wouldn’t let me wrestle at the PCW Reunion Show so I had to crash the party.  Tonight, I call on you to…no, I DEMAND you give me a chance and let me prove myself.  Dawn McGill.  Tonight I call you on to let me…Triple R…The Angry Highway Warrior…THE GREATEST *BLEEP*-ING WRESTLER EVER TO GRACE A PCW RING!…

Johnny Suave: Only in his mind.

Triple R: …let me put MY belt on the line…RIGHT HERE…RIGHT NOW!

He throws down the belt.  The PCW fans hold their breath and wait.

Johnny Suave: Well?  Triple R has thrown down the gauntlet as only he, Triple R, Road Rage Randy, the Angry Highway Warrior, can.  What will…

Dawn McGill walks onto the stage.

Johnny Suave: …hold that thought.  We’re going to find out right now what Dawn McGill intends to do.

McGill takes one look at Triple R and rolls her eyes.

Dawn McGill: Okay.  Look, I told you several weeks ago that if you wanted to wrestle in PCW again that you had to get back into shape.  You’ve lost a few pounds…but look at you.  You’re not…this.

(FILM CLIP: TRIPLE R vs. ENTITLEMENT ERIC- PCW Extreme Political TV / August 20th, 2012) Triple R walked to the middle of the ring and offered Entitlement Eric a free armbar.  Eric took it, tried it, and then ate a Mule Kick from Triple R to the nether regions.  R Felcher immediately protested to the referee.  Triple R Bulldogs Entitlement Eric to the mat.  Stomps to the back.  Rake across the back.  Triple R pulls Eric up…SLEEPER!

Dawn McGill: You were in great shape back then.  What you weighed 235 back then?  But now?

She eyes Triple R and his expansive girth and just shakes her head.

But then, the PCW faithful, perversely wondering if an out of shape Triple R could actually wrestle, begins to chant “Let him wrestle.”

Triple R points to the chanting crowd in an attempt to sway the PCW owner.  McGill again rolls her eyes.

Dawn McGill: Fine.  Let it not be said that I did not listen to my paying customers.  I’ll make you a deal, Triple R.  I, Dawn McGill, the six foot tall demolition machine in a short skirt, the owner of PCW…will let you, Triple R, blah-blah…blah-blah-blah…wrestle tonight…

Triple R’s eyes light up.

Dawn McGill: …if you can win the match I’m about to book you in.  That’s right.  If you win this match, I will reinstate you full time to the roster.  If you don’t, I don’t want to see your out of shape, overweight mass skulking around my ring, bitching about how I won’t give you a chance.  Deal?

Triple R doesn’t wait a second to think.

Triple R: DEAL!

Triple R immediately heads right to the ring.

Johnny Suave: Thanks to PCW owner Dawn McGill, we’ve got our first match of the night.  Former PCW Champion Triple R goes to the ring but WHO will he be wrestling tonight?

Drumfill.

♫”AH LEAH” by Donnie Iris ♫

Strutting onto the stage to the classic Donnie Iris song comes Queen Cool Leah Iris, a female wrestler doing a little dabbling in managing.  Leah sports black horn-rimmed glasses and a Donnie Iris t-shirt with the bottom of tied into a knot to expose a little midriff.  Leah has a black skirt on with black boots.  She also carries a pail of water- which seems odd.

Leah turns to the side of the stage and gestures to her wrestler who’s waiting in the wings in the guerrilla position.

♫”Old MacDonald Had a Farm” ♫

A scruffy, red haired young man ambles into the picture wearing overalls.  Leah takes him by the hand and holds it high in the air.  Then the man faints…

…really.  He’s fallen to the ground with his arms and legs sticking up in the air.

Johnny Suave: TRIPLE R WILL BE FACING THE ’FAINTING GOAT KID’!

Triple R becomes incensed.  He angrily points to the momentarily downed FGK and then glares at Dawn McGill.

Triple R: WHAT KIND OF *BLEEP*-ING JOKE IS THIS?

McGill shrugs.

Leah bends down and picks up the pail of water.  Then she dumps it on the Fainting Goat Kid and revives him.

Then she pulls him up and leads him to the ring.

Johnny Suave: Again, if Triple R wins, he will get a PCW contract.  If Triple R loses, he’s done and it’s back to Weight Watchers.

=================================

MATCH 3: ‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ Triple R vs. The Fainting Goat Kid w/Leah Iris REFEREE: Davey Keels

‘The Angry Highway Warrior’ Triple R- The last PCW Champion before the hiatus, former provisional PCW Champion.HT: 6’-3” WT: 305 HOME: Scarsdale, NY / FIN: Chairshot or Caneshot

The Fainting Goat Kid- Managed by ‘Queen Cool’ Leah IrisHT: 5-10”  WT: 195 HOME: Bristolville, OH / FIN: Myotonia Congenita

==================================

Triple R shouts at the Fainting Goat Kid, telling him ‘to get your fat ass’ in the ring.

Johnny Suave: He really went there?  Seriously?

The sound of a chair moving is heard.

Johnny Suave: And we’re being joined tonight by our color commentator for the evening.  She’s a low level reporter at the New York Times trying to make a name for herself- Colleen Crowder.  Colleen, I want to welcome you to PCW.

Colleen Crowder: Are you mansplaining?

Suave blinks.

Johnny Suave: No.  Colleen, I’m sure you’re here for the unique stories and angles that’s part and parcel of a PCW pro political wrestling show.

Colleen Crowder: We don’t do stories, Johnny.  We do narratives.

Johnny Suave: So you push narratives?

Colleen Crowder: Right.

Johnny Suave: Like the burning question that everyone’s talking about- when did bow-tie Tucker Carlson turn into f’n Darth Vader on his new show?

Colleen Crowder: Um…I guess.

Johnny Suave: But you’re talking about storylines?

Colleen Crowder: Right.

Johnny Suave: Just like pro wrestling.

Colleen Crowder:  Ye- no.  Not like pro wrestling.  Pro Wrestling is fake.  We look to write articles to push our narratives.

Johnny Suave: So you don’t report the news, you write storylines.

Colleen Crowder: Right.

Johnny Suave: So, you are to fake news, to what PCW is to fake wrestling.

Awkward pause.

Thankfully, the camera zeros in on Fainting Goat Kid on the outside of the ring.  He’s lying back first on the floor with his arms and legs sticking upward.

Johnny Suave: And he’s fainted again.

Triple R tires of the delay and rolls out of the ring.  He pushes Leah Iris out of the way and starts laying the boots on the downed FGK.

Johnny Suave: Triple R had had enough of waiting for the Fainting Goat Kid and he’s not waiting around.

Colleen Crowder: He’s viciously assaulting a defenseless man named after a fainting goat.  You should stop him.

Triple R grabs the Fainting Goat Kid by the hair and drags him up off the floor.  He whips FGK hard into the edge of the ring and the resulting inertia causes Fainting Goat Kid to roll underneath the ropes and into the ring.

Colleen punches up something on her cell phone.

Colleen Crowder: Do you know what a fainting goat is?

She begins to read from her phone.

Colleen Crowder: A fainting goat is a domestic goat whose muscles freeze for 3 seconds when the goat is under duress.  When he feels panic.  This match should not take advantage of his dis-

Referee Davey Keels immediately calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: And the match is officially under way.

Leah jumps up on the ring apron and starts shouting encouragements towards FGK.

Colleen Crowder (shouting up at Leah Iris): You shouldn’t be encouraging him to do this!

Johnny Suave: Triple R is not letting up.

Not at all.  He pulls FGK up and locks in a front facelock.  Then Triple R suplexes him back to the mat.

Johnny Suave: Snap suplex by the Angry Highway Warrior.

Triple R hangs on to an arm and drops a leg on it.  FGK writhes and holds his arm.  He tries to roll out of the ring but Triple R drags him by the leg to the middle of the ring.  He drops an elbow.  Then another.

Colleen Crowder: That’s not fair!  He’s not giving that poor wrestler…goat…boy…any offense.

Leg drop by Triple R.  He rolls on top of FGK and hooks a leg.

One.

Two.

Johnny Suave: He just got the shoulder up!  That was close.

Triple R lifts FGK up.  He wraps his arms around his opponent’s torso and flings him back behind him.

Johnny Suave: Belly to belly suplex!

Whipping around, Triple R drops a couple elbows on the chest.  Cover.

One.

Two.

Again, the Fainting Goat Kid gets his shoulder up.  But he can’t get any respite from Triple R’s relentlessness attack.  The Angry Highway Warrior lays the boots on FGK, who tries to deflect the blows by covering up, again and again.

Colleen Crowder: This is terrible.  I blame Donald Trump.

Johnny Suave: Wait.  Is that another narrative?

Colleen Crowder: No…but-

Suddenly FGK comes to life.  He scoots in between the legs of Triple R, jumps to his feet, and drop kicks him into the corner.

Leah Iris: YES!

Johnny Suave: That surprised Triple R!

A second standing drop kick by FGK sends Triple R back into the corner.  Rake to the back.  FGK goes to turn his opponent around and gets caught by a kick to the balls.

Johnny Suave: Ooof.

Colleen Crowder: That’s cheating!  That guy is depriving the goat guy a chance to win.

Johnny Suave: Well, that’s pro wrestling.

Triple R whips FGK into the corner turnbuckle.  Then he retreats to the opposite corner.

Johnny Suave: He’s lining the Fainting Goat Kid up for the kill.

Colleen Crowder: This is all wrong.  He shouldn’t be allowed to do that.

Triple R charges forward.  He picks up speed as he races across the ring and then propels himself at his target.

Johnny Suave: Incoming!

Colleen Crowder: I can’t watch.

She closes her eyes.

FGK sees the train a-coming and immediately faints.  He drops to the mat.  Triple rams himself shoulder first into the turnbuckle and bonks his head off the ring post.  He’s out by the time he slides down to the mat.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!

Colleen nearly jumps out of her seat.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT?

Johnny Suave: HE MISSED!

Leah Iris immediately jumps into the ring and works quickly to pull her wrestler out from under Triple R.  Then she somehow turns Triple R over and rolls the Fainting Goat Kick on top of him.

Keels immediately slides in for the count.

One.

Two.

Three.

Johnny Suave: HE DID IT!

The referee calls for the bell and that’s it.  PCW’s ring announcer Kimber Marshall hits the ring to make it official.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at three minutes and sixteen seconds- the FAINTING GOAT KIDDDDDDDDD!

Colleen Crowder: Now there’s a narrative I can get behind!  I approve.

Referee Keels raises the arm of FGK while the crowd roars at the unexpected result.

Johnny Suave: Our first match produces a huge upset.  The Fainting Goat Kid pulls off the- WATCH OUT!

Four huge, collegiately dressed, young men storm the ring and push Leah down.

Colleen Crowder: Hey!  That’s assault!

Johnny Suave:  NO, IT’S A.J. ALABAMA…STEVIE ‘WAR’ EAGLES…GATOR BATES…AND BUTCH FULLMER!  THE SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT CONSORTIUM…THE S-E-C!

Alabama wears an Unversity of Alabama football jersey.  Eagles an Auburn football shirt.  Gator Bates has a Florida t-shirt on.  And Butch Fullmer is dressed in all Tennessee Volunteer orange.

Eagles and Bates hold FGK in place.  Alabama tosses him overhead, throwing FGK‘s legs forward, and slams him down back-first to the mat.

Johnny Suave: ALABAMA SLAM!

Fullmer slides a table into the ring.  Eagles and Bates set it up.

Colleen Crowder: What are they doing?

Johnny Suave: The SEC is about to make a statement by putting the Fainting Goat Kid through a table!

Eagles and Alabama begin argue about who will put FGK through the table.  Bates shakes his head, lifts FGK up, and powerbombs him through the table.

Bates wipes the ‘sweat’ off his hands over FGK- lying in the ruins of the table.  Fullmer then steps in and separates Alabama from Eagles before tension between the two, supporters of heated rival football teams, boil over.

The capacity crowd inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon express their displeasure at the attack.

Johnny Suave: The Fainting Goat Kid ended former PCW Champion Triple R’s comeback but he pays the price in the end when the SEC comes to the ring and destroys him.  And you know, where there’s smoke there’s fire which means Phil Finebaum, the chief apologist of the SEC, can’t be too far behind.

Suave’s correct.  Finebaum, lights reflecting off his follicly challenged head, walks to the ring with a big ol’ SEC grin on his face, his big ears wiggling in delight.

Johnny Suave: And here he comes right on cue.

Finebaum climbs up onto the ring apron and through the ropes.  He stares down at FGK and then claps.

Phil Finebaum: There is only one winner- the S-E-C.

Finebaum smugly gazes out into the crowd- who respond with loud jeers.

Phil Finebaum: Really?  I know we’re in Big 10 country-

And the crowd cheers and lets Finebaum know it.

Phil Finebaum: …and let’s be honest here.  Is there a more pathetic fan base in America than the bunch who root for the Big 10?

And then the crowd quickly turns on Finebaum and lets him have it.

Phil Finebaum: They’re all cartoon characters.  You see, the SEC is big league.  The SEC is big money.  I don’t know where they found this fighting goat kid or whoever.  But he’s not even Big 10 level.  This kid is nothing more than the equivalent of a mid-major Mid-American Conference football team who got handed a plum opportunity in a big boy bowl- just like Western Michigan was when they lucked into a Cotton Bowl berth.

Johnny Suave: Oooh.  And we’re here in MAC country too.

Finebaum kicks the unconscious Fainting Goat Kid to rub it in even more.

Phil Finebaum: Your win tonight is the equivalent of Central Michigan’s (he does the air quotes) upset win over Oklahoma State earlier this year.  Luck.  Poor judgment by the referee.  Completely against the grain of the game.  The Fainting Goat Kid is nothing more than a footnote, a mere speck of dust on the windshield of history, so gentlemen, get this piece of trash out of our ring.

A.J. Alabama and Gator Bates roll FGK unceremoniously under the bottom rope and allows him to free fall to the floor. Stevie ‘War’ Eagles then drags Leah Iris over and rolls her out of the ring.

Phil Finebaum: There will be only one dominant force in PCW.  There is only one faction worthy enough to hold up the PCW title belt.  No, it’s not the Progressive Alliance.  No, it’s not the American Patriots.  Yes, it is the S-E-C!   ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!  THE BEST OF THE BEST IS THE SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT CONSORTIUM!

More boos from the PCW faithful.

Phil Finebaum: So Dawn McGill.  PCW CEO Barack Obama.  Forget the lineup of losers the American Patriots and Progressive Alliance are trying to foist off as champion material.  Your next PCW Champion is-

The lights suddenly go down and a huge spotlight turns on.  Everyone’s attention turns towards where the light illuminates a blond female returning from the restroom and walking towards a table on the main floor of the saloon.

Johnny Suave: Hold on.

The blonde woman waves.  Pauses.  And then finally sits down.

Johnny Suave: Oh, it’s just Fox News’s Megyn Kelly returning to her seat.  She always seems to grab the attention.

Suave gestures to Finebaum in the ring.

Johnny Suave: Carry on.

The lights come back up.

Phil Finebaum: As I was saying, your next PCW champion is standing right here in this ring.  From the land of the Crimson Tide…

Behind Finebaum, Stevie ‘War’ Eagles’s head drops and he pensively shifts the weight from one foot to another.

Phil Finebaum:  …a protégée of the greatest head football coach known to mankind- Nick Saban.  A true champion and the only man who deserves the title of PCW Champion- A. J. ALABAMA!

Alabama enthusiastically goes over to Finebaum and leans into the microphone.

A.J. Alabama: HELL YEAH!  ROLL TIDE!

Finebaum drops the mic and motions to his charges that it’s time to bail.

=================================

IN THE CROWD PCW’s Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein is situated in one of the upper sections of the bar.  Bernstein adjusts his fedora and fixes his tan trench coat as he begins to talk.

Woodward Bernstein: Good evening.  Woodward Bernstein here in the Les Miserables section…

The camera pans over.  Seated at the table are the leaders of PCW’s Les Miserables movement: Charlie Blackwell, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan.

Directly behind the Les Miserables table sit Politically Incorrect: General DeBauchery, sporting an authentic captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar, grinning obnoxiously, sits and collects every beer and liquor label he can get his hands on with Al Cahall, doing curls with a six pack of beer and Nic Koteen who smokes a cigarette and shreds several city anti-smoking ordinances in the process.

Woodward Bernstein: …to talk to the Les Miserables.  Ray McAvay, your thoughts on the PCW title situation?

Ray McAvay: Well Woodward, it was obvious that the American Patriots were going to have one of theirs in and the Progressive Alliance were going to get one of theirs in too.  I’m hoping that the PCW Competition Committee would see fit to put one of us in the match as well.

Woodward Bernstein: Oh?  The same way the NCAA College Football selection committee considers non-power 5 conference schools for the college football final four?

Ray McAvay: One can hope, Woodward.  One can hope.

McAvay lifts his alcoholic beverage contained in a bright red solo cup and drinks it down.

Woodward Bernstein: Charlie Blackwell.  You’ve had a long history of traveling down your own fiercely independent road.  What do you say?

Charlie Blackwell: Woodward, we’re just ordinary average guys just trying to scratch out a living.

I’m convinced our PCW fans don’t want the two parties to dominate PCW against the greater good.  And I know they don’t want PCW partisanship to keep good wrestlers away from opportunities to win title belts.  I hope the Executive Committee gives one of us a shot at the title.  But if they don’t and this is the path that both factions are going to lead us, then I promise you both the Progressive Alliance and American Patriots are going to have to answer to the Les Miserables.

Woodward Bernstein: And you- William Daniels Bryan?

William Daniels Bryan: I go back to what I said a couple years ago.  We can make this work but we have to do it together.  We have to stand up to those who only have a narrow self-interest in enriching themselves.  Who are we like?  Lower league English football teams who are fighting against a proposal that benefits only the top tier, big money, Premier League teams at the expense of access to the Football League.  Who are we like?  The Mid-American Conference in big time college sports- especially football and basketball.  The rules and the money favor the so-called power conferences.  Who are we? Small businesses.  Mom and Pop stores.  Going up against huge, well financed corporations who have all the advantages.  Who are we…we are P-C-W!  And as long as I have anything to say about it, we are not going down without a fight! We will not be crucified on big corporation’s cross of gold!

Woodward Bernstein: So, that’s all from up here.

=================================

THE MILLENNIAL MAN A young, twenty-something man is in the ring.  He takes a selfie of himself with the PCW crowd behind him in the background.  Of course, he doesn’t notice the one PCW fan who’s flipping him off as he takes the picture on his cell phone.

Millennial Man:  Oh…hello.  I was hired here at Political Championship Wrestling three weeks ago and…it’s time.

Johnny Suave: It’s time?  It’s time for what?

Colleen Crowder: Don’t hate.  He’s allowed to celebrate himself.

Johnny Suave: He’s allow to celebrate what?

Millennial Man: You know, I’ve been training for this moment all my life.  X-Box has a kick ass WWE wrestling game and I spent countless hours wrestling online.  Now, after three weeks of training, this Millennial Man has only one question- where’s MY title shot?

Johnny Suave: You’re kidding right?

Colleen Crowder: Don’t dream-shame.  He has a dream.  He has a vision.  He has a passion.

Johnny Suave: Dream-shaming?  Dream-shaming?  What language are you talking?

Colleen Crowder: You act like millennials are lazy.  That’s not true.  Millennials have to work way harder to be recognized.

Johnny Suave: What?  Where exactly are you going with this?

Again, on cue, Dawn McGill walks out on stage, shaking her head.

Dawn McGill: Dude.  You’re not getting a title shot tonight.

The Millennial Man spreads his arms and mouths ‘why?’

McGill again shakes her head and begins to pace on the stage.

Dawn McGill: Because we don’t hand out title shots like Halloween candy…dude.  No one just walks into PCW and gets a title shot gift wrapped because he or she are one of God’s precious little snowflakes.

She stops and looks up into the air as if she’s in thought.

Dawn McGill: But what I will do is give you a chance to prove yourself.  I have someone backstage who’s just itching to get back into the wrestling game.  I have someone backstage who’s paid his dues, who’s entertained wrestling fans on a much bigger stage than this, and who doesn’t expect to be handed opportunities he doesn’t deserve.  Let’s see just how much you’ve learned and how much you’ll need to learn.  Fair enough?

He gestures back at McGill ‘bring it on.’

Dawn McGill: Oh, it’s being brought.

Behind McGill, a man dressed in an expensive suit and bow-tie walks out.  The lights turn off and a small spotlight illuminates the stage.  Suave nearly jumps out of his chair because he knows exactly who McGill is ending out.

Johnny Suave: YES!

Yep, Suave know who’s about to make his overly elaborate and rather lengthy entrance…

The announcer guy hushes the crowd.

Announcer Guy (in a voice not unlike Michael Buffer): Ladies and gentlemen. I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your reference, he is, for 32 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego‘s most enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not important.

Nine bikini-clad, and tanned, females aka the Coppertone Tanning Bikini Team emerge on stage followed by two men carrying a golden sedan chair with a man dressed in long flowing robes.

Announcer Guy: Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!

Johnny Suave: RAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Colleen Crowder: Rah?  Isn’t he oozing a little too much testosterone there?  And what’s with all the half-naked women in his entourage?  That’s not the least bit sexist, don’t you think?

Rah’s minions Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy, former children’s show host Happy Mango, former pro wrestler Baron Von Munchke- master of the claw hold, and some guy dressed as Captain Obvious follow.

Johnny Suave: Just wait until Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy starts sniffing around your feet, Colleen.  Then you’ll really think it’s sexist.

The procession winds its way to the ring and stops at the ring steps. Rah climbs out of his golden sedan chair and climbs into the ring.

=================================

MATCH 4: The Millennial Man vs. ‘The Sunshine God’ Rah! REFEREE: Ron Martin

Millennial Man: HT: 6’-1” WT: 200 HOME: Beachwood, OH / FIN: Parent’s Basement Slam

Rah!: The Sunshine God – accompanied to the ring by his flockHT: 6’-8”  WT: 295 HOME: San Diego, CA / FIN: Eye of RAHHHHHHH!

=================================

Martin calls for the bell and we’re off.

The Millennial Man doesn’t notice.  He’s more focused on the reflection staring back at him from his cell phone- him.

Johnny Suave: Ah dude, you might want to pay attention.

Especially when Rah wastes no time in running over and delivering a stiff running boot to the head.  The cell phone goes flying out of the ring.

Colleen Crowder: That’s not fair.  He wasn’t ready!

Johnny Suave: Welcome to pro wrestling, Millennial Guy.

Rah pulls the millennial off the ropes, slings him over his shoulder, and plows him face first into the corner turnbuckle.

Johnny Suave: SUNSPOT!  Actually, it’s called Snake Eyes but for this match…SUNSPOT!

Colleen stands up from her chair and gives referee Ron Martin the ‘time out’ signal with her hands/

Colleen Crowder: TIME OUT!  TIME OUT!

She looks down at Johnny.

Colleen Crowder: Shouldn’t he get a time out?

Johnny Suave: You’re kidding, right?

The Millennial Man somehow gets back to his feet and staggers around the ring.  Rah grabs him by the neck, lifts him up, and delivers a choke slam with enough force to cause the millennial to bounce two feet in the air before landing back on the mat.

Johnny Suave: SOLSTICE SLAM!  SOLSTICE SLAM!

Rah glances at his faithful worshipers and gives them a signal.

Colleen Crowder: Now what is he doing?

Johnny Suave: I believe the Millennial Man is about to be sacrificed to the Temple of the Sunshine God!

Colleen Crowder: What kind of right wing fundamental, mumbo jumbo is that?

The Sunshine God puts Millennial Man’s head between his legs and looks towards the heavens with his arms stretched out.  The crowd rises to their feet as Rah soaks in the praise and adoration of his followers.

The Millennial Man though…

Millennial Man: Safe place?  Where’s my safe place?

…not so much.

Rah finally lifts him up with his arms flailing about…

Millennial Man: SAFE PLACE!  SAFE PLACE!  HELLLLLLLLLP-

…and throws the Millennial Man back down on the mat.  Most call the move a Jackknife Powerbomb.

Colleen Crowder: That’s a trigger word, right?  That’s got to be-

Suave calls it…

Johnny Suave: EYE OF RAHHHHHHH!

Rah puts his big boot on the millennial’s chest and looks towards the heavens once more.  Referee Martin makes the count.

One.

Two.

Three.

Martin calls for the bell.

Johnny Suave: HOLY CRAP!  BEHOLD THE POWER OF…RAHHHHHHHHH!

Colleen Crowder: I am shocked and appalled at the gratuitous violence, indicative of the right wing military industrial complex!

Kimber Marshall climbs into the ring again to make the formal pronouncement.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at two minutes and two seconds, and the reason for the invention of sunglasses because your face would melt like in Raiders of the Lost Ark if you gaze upon him and the reason the Earth doesn‘t float away in the vastness of space…the Sunshine God…RAAAAAAAAH!

Johnny Suave: Rah gets the win and the Millennial Man gets his first lesson in Pro Wrestling 101.

Colleen Crowder: This is why Hillary must win tonight.  She would never let something like this happen under her- EXCUSE ME!

Colleen suddenly notices that Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy was down on all fours admiring her feet.    She jumps back.

Colleen Crowder: No-no-no-NO!  SUAVE!

Johnny Suave: Told ya.

Colleen Crowder: Get away from me you sexist pig!

Happy Mango comes over.

Happy Mango: Bob, it seems you’ve offended the fair lady here.

Nye looks down at the ground in shame.

Happy Mango: So Ms. Crowder, please allow me to make it up to you in song.

Happy flipped his acoustic guitar over his head and began to strum.

Colleen Crowder: I’m not sure that’s really necessary.

Happy Mango (sings): You might think it’s neat To look at other people’s feet But you might just cause their feelings to be hurt So, at least be discreet When you’re looking at other people’s feet Just say that you’re just looking at the dirt.

Colleen Crowder: Not necessary.  Apology accepted.  You don’t have to-

Happy Mango: Everybody sing along!

Colleen Crowder: NO!

Happy Mango (sings): You might think it’s neat To look at other people’s feet But you might just cause their feelings to be hurt So, at least be discreet When you’re looking at other people’s feet Just say that you’re just looking at the dirt.

Colleen Crowder: Okay!  Point made!  You don’t-

Happy Mango: ONE MORE TIME!

Colleen Crowder: Aw COME ON!

Red faced, Colleen attempts to crawl under the broadcast table.

Happy Mango (sings): So, at least be discreet When you’re looking at other people’s feet Just say that you’re just looking at the dirt.

Happy plays the final notes and wraps up with a flourish.

Colleen Crowder (from under the table): Is he done yet?

Johnny Suave: Thank you Happy.  Let’s go to Paige McGillicutty who’s hanging out with the Hollywood elites.

=================================

IN THE CROWD- PART TWO Paige McGillicutty is in the high rent district on the upper level of Hack’s where several celebrity supporters of Hillary Clinton are hanging out.

Paige McGillicutty: Thanks Woodward.  I’m up here with some Hillary Clinton supporters who are here to root her on when she takes on Donald Trump later on tonight.

Paige comes up to actress/comedian Amy Schumer.

Paige McGillicutty: Amy, any thoughts on tonight’s big match?

Amy Schumer: You know Paige, I haven’t had a conversation with anyone who doesn’t like Hillary Clinton where they’ve had anything meaningful to say.

Paige McGillicutty: Why is that?

Amy Schumer: I think she’s caught so much flack for so long now, because she isn’t what they think of as a woman. They were mad she wasn’t making cookies, but she was like ‘Oh no, I’m getting healthcare for every mother in the country.’

Paige McGillicutty: I see.  What if Trump does win tonight?

Amy Schumer: For starters, my act will have to change because I’ll need to learn to speak Spanish.

Paige McGillicutty: Why’s that?

Amy Schumer: Because I’ll move to Spain.

Paige McGillicutty: You’ll leave the country if Trump wins?  Isn’t that so Alec Baldwin?

Amy Schumer: It’s beyond my comprehension what would happen if Trump wins.  It’ll be too crazy.

Paige McGillicutty: Okay.  How about you?

Paige then talks to young pop star Miley Cyrus.

Miley Cyrus: If Trump wins, my heart will be broke into one hundred thousand pieces.  I am moving if he wins.

Paige McGillicutty: You would move too?

Miley Cyrus: Trump makes me scared and sad.  I may just vomit.

Paige McGillicuty: May just vomit.

Chelsea Handler leans in.

Chelsea Handler: I’m leaving too.

Paige McGillicutty: Chelsea Handler?

Chelsea Handler: Well, I did buy a house in another country just in case.  So all of these people that threaten to leave the country and then don’t, let me make this clear, I will leave the country.

Paige McGillicutty: Okay.  And-

Paige walks over to the next table where Hollywood diva Barbra Streisand holds court.  Streisand doesn’t even look at her, giving off a distinct ‘you are so beneath me’ air.

Amy Schumer: She’s leaving the country too.

Paige McGillicutty: Gotcha.

Miley Cyrus: Don’t forget Jon Stewart.

Amy Schumer: Oh.  Yeah.  He said he’d consider getting into a rocket and going to another planet.

Chelsea Handler: Oh yeah?  Well Cher’s going to Jupiter if Trump wins.

Madonna suddenly turns around from her table and pipes up.

Madonna: I’ve got you all beat.  If Hillary Clinton wins, I’m pledging oral sex for everyone-

That gets the crowd’s attention.  A huge cheer erupts-

Madonna: …who supports Hillary tonight.

…followed by a collective ‘AWWWWW…’

Madonna: But ONLY if she wins.

Paige McGillicutty: Well Johnny, that’s the story from here.  Back to you.

=================================

LIVE Back at the broadcast table with Johnny Suave sitting on the left, Colleen Crowder on the right.

Johnny Suave: Well, if it gets Barbra Streisand to leave the country, there’s as a good reason as any to root for Donald Trump.

Colleen turns to him with a surprised look of disgust.

Colleen Crowder: How dare you say that?  Barbra Streisand is a national treasure.

Johnny Suave: So is the Moonlite BunnyRanch in Nevada.

Colleen’s jaw drops.

Johnny Suave: Let’s see how Trump arrived here tonight.

She turns to Johnny.

Colleen Crowder: I can’t believe you compared Barbra Streisand to a rabbit farm.

(FILM CLIP-AMERICAN PATRIOTS GAUNTLET MATCH: Donald Trump vs. Jeb Bush, John Kasich, and Ted Cruz-Taped July 21st in Cleveland, Ohio) Johnny Suave (voiceover): Donald Trump had to run the gauntlet to earn his shot to become the next PCW PEO.  First, he had to face Jeb Bush and the Bush Family (former PCW CEO’s George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush).

Trump arrives in the ring wearing an authentic Viking costume complete with a huge wooden club that he brings to the ring with him. 

Referee Reince Priebus gives Trump and Jeb Bush their final instructions. 

The bell rings.  Trump pretends he putting the club down but then spins around and clocks Bush with club cutting him wide open in the face.  The Bushes at ringside are horrified.  Priebus’s jaw drops.  Bush drops like a rock and Trump slides in and hooks the legs.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Suffice to say, both George W. and George H.W. Bush were furious with Trump after he literally bludgeoned Jeb Bush…

George W. angrily wheels his father George H.W., in a wheelchair, away from the ring.

Johnny Suave (v/o): …with a club.  The Bushes are so mad that they are not supporting Trump tonight against Hillary Clinton.   Next up in the gauntlet…John Kasich.

Kasich tries.  He tries real hard.  Kasich gets in a few shots but in the end, Trump takes him out with a Skyscraper Slam and dispatches the Ohioan to move on. 

Johnny Suave (v/o): Then…Ted Cruz.

Cruz puts up a battle.  Trump has all the cards in the end.  One Skyscraper Slam later and Trump takes the win.

=================================

DONALD TRUMP PROMO Inside a ritzy china store in downtown New York City, Donald Trump looks at and examines a pricey piece of china.  His manager Kellyanne Conway stands in the background with the storekeeper and watches.

Donald Trump: Four years ago, PCW all but went out of business.  When PCW CEO Barack Obama became the CEO, I thought he’d do well.  I thought he’d be a great cheerleader for PCW.

Trump shakes his head.

Donald Trump: But I was wrong.

Trump whips around and in the process catches one the plates on the shelf and sends it flying to the ground.  The expensive plate smashes into pieces.

The storekeeper gasps.  Conway doesn’t flinch.

Donald Trump: That’s not what happened.  Under the policies of CEO Obama, PCW went dark in 2012 and we had people who weren’t working.  Now, with the restart of PCW, we need someone who can rebuild the PCW brand and make it great once again.  My opponent’s catchphrase is ‘I’m with her.’  No folks. I will work for you.  I will wrestle for you.

The camera follows Trump as he goes around the corner, his coat brushing up against the china on the shelf and causing them to smash on the floor.

Horrified Storekeeper: Um, Mr. Trump?

Donald Trump: We need someone who will lift PCW back up.

Trump bumps into another set of dishes and sends them spinning to the floor.

Donald Trump: With Donald Trump running PCW, we will do it.  PCW has tremendous potential but it’s been held back by an establishment who doesn’t care about you- the PCW fans.

He grazes another shelf of dishes and they fall to the ground.

Horrified Storekeeper (more urgent): Mr. Trump!

Conway just shrugs and follows Trump through the store.

Donald Trump: We can take PCW back from the corrupt ruling class and we can make it work for you – the fans.

Trump bumps into another shelf sending the whole structure crashing to the ground.

Horrified Storekeeper: MR. TRUMP!

Donald Trump: PCW Extreme Election Night 2016.  Trump vs. Hillary.  Who will prevail.  The status quo?

Trump points at the camera…and accidently catches another plate.

*SMASH*

Donald Trump: Or YOU!

*SMASH*

The storekeeper confronts Trump.

Horrified Storekeeper: MR.  TRU-

Trump motions to Conway.  Conway reaches into her purse and hands the intensely anxious storekeeper a check.  The storekeeper takes one look at the figure written on the check and immediately exhales and de-tenses down.

Now not-so-horrified Storekeeper: …oh, that’s better.

=================================

LIVE The camera goes close in on George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush- both seating at a front row table with a plum view of the proceeding.

Johnny Suave: The Bushes aren’t the only members of the American Patriots who have major reservations about Donald Trump.  The entire American Patriot establishment is on edge.

Colleen Crowder: It’s no wonder.  He’s a dangerous ideologue who’ll pursue ignorant policies that will undermine PCW.

Johnny Suave: If nothing else, he’s definitely a danger to expensive fine china in an enclosed space.  Let’s go to the ring.

=================================

THE MILLENNIAL MAN- PART TWO For some reason, the Millennial Man is back in the ring, seemingly not pleased at the way the first match played out.  And he has a microphone.

Millennial Man: I’m back out here.

Colleen Crowder: Why is he back out here?

Johnny Suave: I have no clue.

Millennial Man: So, like, the first match didn’t exactly go the way I envisioned it would.  But I still want a chance at the PCW title.

Johnny Suave: He obviously didn’t hear what Dawn McGill said when she told him title shots weren’t handed out willy-nilly to just anyone.

Millennial Man: So Dawn McGill told me to come back out and I’d get a second chance to prove myself.

Colleen Crowder: Why would Dawn send him back out here then?

Johnny Suave: Well, it’s not like he broke a sweat in his first match.

Millennial Man: So…BRING IT ON!

Johnny Suave:  It’s looks like the Millennial Man is going to get a second match here tonight.  Who will be his opponent?

**Do You Hear the People Sing?- Les Miserables**

The camera pans up to the second level to where the Les Miserables are sitting.  ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay high fives fellow Les Miserable ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan while next to him, Texan Charlie Blackwell stands up from his seat.

Johnny Suave: IT’S GOING TO BE RAY McAVAY!

Also rising from their seats, McAvay’s valets Stormy and Starbrite.  The brunette (Stormy) and redhead (Starbrite) pose in the aisle, smile, bat their eyes and show off their new edition, PCW Ray McAvay “Show up. Punch In. Shut up. Get to Work” button down baseball jerseys.  Before McAvay’s entourage start towards the ring, McAvay turns around and gestures to the Les Miserables to join him.

Colleen Crowder: Show up.  Punch in.  Shut up.  Get to work?

Johnny Suave: Yeah, McAvay’s kinda of a non-nonsense, man of the people type.

Colleen Crowder: Okay.  Who’s the ladies with him?

Johnny Suave: That would be West Texas Adult Entertainment Legend Stormy and her new protégée Starbrite.

Once at ringside, Bert the Janitor joins the group pushing the mop bucket with McAvay’s Big Bertha Driver.

=================================

MATCH 5: The Millennial Man vs. ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay REFEREE: Ron Martin

Millennial Man: HT: 6’-1” WT: 200 HOME: Beachwood, OH / FIN: Parent’s Basement Slam

Ray McAvay: – accompanied to the ring by West Texas Adult Entertainment Legend Stormy, her protégée Starbrite, and Bert the Janitor.HT: 6’-3”  WT: 195 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX / FIN: McGill Bomb

=================================

Martin calls for the bell.  McAvay walks towards the center of the ring, ready to give the youngster a wrestling lesson.  As for his opponent?  Millennial Man stares at Stormy and Starbrite- totally oblivious to the fact that he’s in a wrestling match.

Johnny Suave: Well, the Millennial Man doesn’t appear to be a fast learner.

McAvay tries to get his attention.  No luck.  Millennial Man is transfixed on Stormy and Starbrite- who for their part are motioning McAvay’s opponent towards them.

Colleen Crowder: So, these ladies are strippers then?

Johnny Suave: How did you figure that one out?

Millennial Man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of cash.

Johnny Suave: Oh.

Colleen Crowder: Perhaps Millennial Man would wrestle better if Ray McAvay didn’t treat women as if they were sexual objects and used them to distract him.

McAvay finally goes over to Millennial Man and spins him around.  Millennial Man pushes McAvay away and walks over to Stormy and Starbrite- who continue to beckon him.  Aggravated, McAvay asks for a microphone.

Ray McAvay: Listen you dumbass.  I get that you’re infatuated Stormy and Starbrite…I really do.  And in most matches, this is the result I’m looking for.

Stormy and Starbrite both bat their eyes which, of course, causes the crowd to pop.

Ray McAvay: I am so thankful, so fortunate to be standing here being able to live out my own ‘Field of Dreams.’  I get to make a living doing something that I love to do- wrestle.  Perform in front of people every night.  So many people don’t have that opportunity.  Show up.  Punch in.  Shut up.  Get to work.  That’s what I live by.  So to hear you come out here and demand a title shot but you can’t even keep your mind on the task at hand for two seconds- well, it’s an insult to me and all wrestlers…especially the ones who never, ever get the spotlight that a precious few are lucky to get.  You expect to be handed a title opportunity?

McAvay leans in close to Millennial Man.

Ray McAvay: So, are you going to wrestle me or not?

Millennial Man finds himself drawn back to gazing at the strippers. Shaking his head and tapping his nose to signal for his Big Bertha driver, McAvay holds out his hand and Bert the Janitor springs into action.

Johnny Sauve: This isn’t going to end well.

Bert takes the Big Bertha driver out of the water bucket and slings it to McAvay in the ring.  Ray turns and whaps an unsuspecting Millennial Man with the driver and drops him like wet cement to the mat.

Colleen Crowder: THAT’S AN ASSAULT!  HE CAN’T DO THAT!

McAvay hooks the legs and Martin makes the academic three count.

Johnny Suave: And that’ll do it.

Referee Ron Martin calls for the bell and Kimber Marshall climbs into the ring.

Kimber Marshall: Your winner at two minutes, forty-seven seconds.  ‘RED SOLO PLASTIC CUP’ RAY McAVAY!

Martin checks on Millennial Man while Stormy, Starbrite, and Bert the Janitor celebrate with McAvay and the Les Miserables.

Johnny Suave:  Well, Ray McAvay gets the win here as the Millennial Man gets another harsh lesson in Wrestling 101.

Colleen Crowder: That last match was a travesty…and sexist.  Hillary Clinton would never let that match take place on a PCW show.

Johnny Suave: Well, speaking of Hillary Clinton, let’s take a quick look back on how she reached tonight’s PCW CEO showdown against Donald Trump…

(FILM CLIP-PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE MATCH: Hillary Clinton vs. Bernie Sanders-Taped July 28th in Philadelphia, PA) Johnny Suave (voiceover): All lethal weapons were banned from the match and replaced with cardboard in an attempt to tone down the violence.  The leader of the Progressive Alliance, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, presided over the match as the referee.  With questions about her impartiality in the air, would Wasserman-Shultz call things right down the middle?

Bernie Sanders grabs an empty cardboard toilet roll and smacks it over Hillary’s head.  Wasserman-Shultz admonishes Sanders. 

Hillary clubs Sanders with her own empty cardboard toilet roll.  *CLANK* Sanders staggers backwards into the corner.  The cardboard toilet roll slides off and reveals a small lead pipe.  Sanders’s manager Jeff Weaver screams at Wasserman-Shultz.  Wasserman-Shultz shakes her head and tells him she didn’t see anything wrong.

Johnny Suave (v/o): Even Bill Clinton got into the act.

Weaver again engages referee Wasserman-Shultz over an infraction.  Bill Clinton sneaks over and spins Sanders around- then he jabs him in the eye.   Then Hillary walks over with what’s purported to be a paper plate but what is actually a steel plate sandwiched by two paper plates.  *CLANK*

Johnny Suave (v/o): But then Sanders turned the tide and took the fight to the Clintons.

Sanders hits a single leg takedown on Hillary.  Bill then tries to sneak up on him from behind. Sanders low bridges him and then whips him into the corner turnbuckle.  Halfway there, Bill ‘stumbles’ and falls face forward into the turnbuckle and flips up and over.  Clinton tries to snag the top rope, misses, and tumbles down to the floor.  Bill then gets back on his feet…takes two steps…stops…and then flops face first to the floor.

Johnny Suave (v/o):  But in the end, Hillary would prevail.

Sanders has Hillary down and hooks the leg.  Wasserman-Shultz takes her sweet time going over to make the pinfall.  Finally, Sanders jumps back up and gets in her face.  While he argues with Wasserman-Shultz, Hillary slides over, grabs Sanders from behind, and rolls him back into a pinning situation.  Wasserman-Shultz immediately slams her hand on the mat with a machine gun “onetwothree” and that’s the match.

=================================

HILLARY CLINTON PROMO Deep down in the bowels of Washington D.C.  Extremely dark setting.  Hillary Clinton, accompanied by her husband Bill, Debbie Wasserman-Shultz, and her manager Robby Mook, steps forward into the light.

Hillary Clinton: Donald Trump.  You might be a big shot in the business world.  You may be a legend in the corporate boardroom.  But Donald, you have no idea what you’ve just walked into.  You see, this is my arena.  And you have no idea what lengths I’ll go to get what I want and deserve.  PCW CEO.

Bill folds his arms in front of him.

Hillary Clinton: There are many people all across the PCW universe who believe, like I do, that Donald Trump simply cannot get the job done…that Donald Trump is fundamentally unqualified to be the CEO of PCW.  As PCW starts up again, we need new ideas and someone who is temperamentally prepared to do the job.  That person is me.  At three AM in the morning, when the phone rings and there’s a crisis that needs to be handled, you want me to take that call- not Donald Trump.  Donald Trump’s ideas are dangerously incoherent, he is horribly unprepared for a position that requires knowledge, stability, and responsibility.  Putting Trump in charge would be rolling the dice with PCW’s future.

Bill Clinton: Trump running PCW would be the craziest thing in the world ever- even crazier than Obamacare- *SMACK* – OWWW!

He rubs his shoulder where Hillary had just smacked him with her open hand.

Hillary Clinton: Don’t say that!

Bill Clinton: Sorry.

She turns her gaze back to the camera.

Hillary Clinton: To get PCW back up and running, it will take a real plan, with real experience, and real leadership.  Donald Trump is unfit to be PCW CEO. It would be a historic mistake if he somehow won.  At Extreme Election Night 2016, my experience, built up on years of working side-by-side with the Progressive Alliance, fighting for what we believe, will prevail over Donald Trump.  If you don’t believe me, listen for yourself to the voices of my Hollywood friends.

Hillary turns and burns a steely glare towards her manager.

Robby Mook: I…I…I…

Mook awkwardly points at her.

Robby Mook: I’m with her?

Hillary looks at him incredulously.

Hillary Clinton: GAH!

She throws up her hands and storms off.

Hillary Clinton (offscreen): WHEN I FIND OUT WHO SWITCHED THAT TAPE…

=================================

BACKSTAGE The PCW Executive Committee have come out of their meeting room.  Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan (American Patriots) and Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) stand behind a podium as they are ready to make their announcement.  PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein stands in front of an assembled group that includes wrestlers of all sorts who wait the Executive Committee’s decision.

Woodward Bernstein: Woodward Bernstein backstage. We are just about to find out who will be wrestling for the PCW title.  Mitch McConnell has stepped behind the podium and it appears he’ll go first.

Mitch McConnell: Ladies and gentlemen.  Along with Ms. Pelosi and Mr. Reid of the Progressive Alliance, we have spent the past hour weighing the various candidates…the wrestlers who are worthy to be the next PCW champion.

Harry Reid: We have as a collective group come to a decision on the participants who will meet for a chance at winning the PCW title.

Paul Ryan: Representing the American Patriots- ‘The Wall Street Market Analyst Who Just Happens to Have a Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit’- Kirk Walstreit.

Jumping up from his chair, Walstreit, hoisting up a velvet portrait of Herbstreit for all to see, walks up to the podium.  He lowers the painting so he can shake Ryan’s and then McConnell’s hand.

Then Nancy Pelosi steps up.

Nancy Pelosi: Representing the Progressive Alliance…and the NEXT PCW CHAMPION!  Former PCW Champion- ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism!

Chism rises up from his seat with his arms outstretched in the air.  He joins Pelosi and Reid at the podium.  After a few pictures are taken of the two men who will face off for the PCW title, the group then returns to the room.

Woodward Bernstein: So, the PCW Executive Committee has shut the door on the likes of A.J. Alabama of the SEC and the Les Miserables William Daniels Bryan wrestling for the PCW title.  It’s going to be Kirk Walstreit of the American Patriots versus ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism.  Let’s get a reaction from here from one of the wrestlers left out.

The Les Miserables (‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell) just happen walk by.  Bernstein tries to snag one of them for a comment.

Woodward Bernstein: Guys…any comment on what just took place?

McAvay and Bryan ignore PCW’s Investigative Reporter and continue on.  Blackwell acknowledges Bernstein and stops to engage him.

Woodward Bernstein: Charlie?  I know you can’t be happy about this.

Charlie Blackwell: Woodward, the establishment has made their decision.  All I am going to say is our response will speak louder than words.

And with that, Blackwell leaves to catch up with McAvay and Bryan to plot their next move.

Woodward Bernstein: There you have it.  Johnny, back to you. END OF PART ONE

[kaukopartiomiehet]

ryhmä 2 / twenty one pilots – vessel

ode to sleep / heikinaro

But I'll tell 'em Why won't you let me go? Do I threaten all your plans?  I'm insignificant Please tell 'em, you have no plans for me I will set my soul on fire, what have I become? 

holding on to you / vierto

I must've forgot, you can't trust me I'm open a moment and close when you show it Before you know it I'm lost at sea

Remember the moment you know exactly where you're going 'Cause the next moment, before you know it Time is slowing and it's frozen still And the window sill looks really nice, right? You think twice about your life, it probably happens at night, right?

+ bonus: I fought it a lot and it seems a lot like flesh is all I got

migraine / palomaa

I am not as fine as I seem, pardon Me for yelling, I'm telling you green gardens Are not what's growing in my psyche, it's a different me A difficult beast feasting on burnt down trees

house of gold / hellström

I will make you queen of everything you see I'll put you on the map, I'll cure you of disease We'll make pretend that you and me Lived ever after happily

car radio / teerimäki

I ponder of something great My lungs will fill and then deflate They fill with fire, exhale desire I know it's dire, my time today

And it's that we're all battling fear Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here Oh my, too deep, please stop thinking I liked it better when my car had sound

semi-automatic / palomaa

I'm never what I like I'm double-sided And I just can't hide I kinda like it When I make you cry 'Cause I'm twisted up I'm twisted up Inside

screen / vierto

I do not know why I would go In front of you and hide my soul 'Cause you're the only one who knows it Yeah, you're the only one who knows it And I will hide behind my pride D-don't know why I think I could lie 'Cause there's a screen on my chest Yeah, there's a screen on my chest

the run and go / hellström

Do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do do I am up against the wall, the wall Pa, I hear them coming down the hall I have killed a man and all I know Is I am on the run and go

fake you out / heikinpalo

It's the same game today as it always is I don't give these places fake my name explaining this And the wrists of my mind have the bleeding lines

All I wanna Yeah, and I'll fall down And I'll break down And I'll fake you out

guns for hands / kuusela

But there's hope out the window So that's where we'll go Let's go outside and all join hands But until then you'll never understand That you all have guns And you never put the safety on

trees / ilves

I know where you stand Silent in the trees And that's where I am Silent in the trees Why won't you speak Where I happen to be? Silent in the trees Standing cowardly

truce / viehe

Now the night is coming to an end The sun will rise and we will try again

[harutostablet]

Television Interview

Haruto knocks on Yume's door

YumeShinpi opens the door and lets Haru in. "hey you ready to go?

Haruto nods rubbing his eyes. His face was sans makeup but he was dressed for work. "Yeah, Thanks again for doing this. The car is going to meet us at on the other side of the dock."

YumeShinpi: "awesome" He nodded and stretched. "Shall we go then?"

Haruto nods and starts heading out. The ferry ride was mostly quiet on Haru's end. He had his phone pulled up repeatedly re-reading the talking points of what he's supposed to do at this show. So far, he lucked out and only had to perform at these things. Today involved a musical performance AND speaking.

YumeShinpi was a "surprise" guest so his job was mostly to stand around and sign a few autographs and talk fashion with a few backstage fans that had not been told he would be on set. His easy going nature never changed, just happy and warm for all of them.

Haruto put on his game face the moment they got to the studio. He gave his jacket to Ayame-kun while he gave the rest of him over to hair and make up. While he was being prepped Ayame repeated the things that he red on his phone. Waiting in the wings Ueno, watched Haruto and Yume. He would wait for there to be a pause in Yume's fans before coming over to speak with him.

"Good afternoon Shinpi-sensei, I must say I'm a bit surprised to see you here today?" He said with false cheerfulness.

Yume would smile and glance over to Ueno. "I am surprised you didn't call me in for it. It is a collab after all..but this way its a surprise, better for ratings, yeah?" He grinned. "Taking advantage of my good nature maybe?"

"Simply protecting my client, there is a fine line between ratings and scandal. If you and Haruto are seen too often then people will question if your relationship is, shall we say, more than business." Ueno would look in Haruto's direction were he was now being sent to the green room to speak with the other musicians that would be accompanying him for today's set.

"My relationship with Haru is friendship." YumeShinpi looked over. He didn't lie. "But you still have to deal with the fact that I am openly gay. And we are doing a collab, there will be rumors."

The agent looked at Yume with a critical eye. "Friendship? Is this a… new development?" He looked past the designer's glass into his eyes trying to read his face.

YumeShinpi took off his glasses, the blue eye reacting just a bit slower then the green one to the light. "Perhaps so. But we are friends."

A small smirk graced Ueno's lips. As if a burden had been lifted off his shoulders "Right this way Shinpi-sensei. Perhaps, we can watch your friend's performance in the green room. " His voice had a light lilt at the word friend. By the time they would arrive to the green room, Haruto and his musicians were already getting set up back stage for the musical portion of his obligation.

YumeShinpi chuckled. "Your relief is kinda interesting Ueno.." He moved with him happily.

"Oh?" the agent sat down on one of the plush couches, accepting a bottle of water from Ayame-kun. The young woman also offered Yume one.

YumeShinpi bowed his head and offered a bright smile. "I'm the devil you know." Meaning now that Haru was single he could meet all sorts of people. He didn't lie, but he didn't give away other people's secrets.

Ayame backed way from the two and turned to watch the large tv showed what was happening on stage. Ueno kept his eyes on the screen. Haruto was announced and the curtains opened. Instead of a piano Haruto had a guitar strapped in front of him. Behind him were three more guitarists and a drummer. The energy was already different from he usual ballads he sang. The song was just cue up when Ueno spoke again. "Unless you're a lawyer, I assure you, you're far from the devil. "

YumeShinpi laughed. "That wasn't what I mean…I mean you can't change Haru, who he is..who he likes…you can only change him on screen. And he's my friend. And I care about him. Otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to the collab in the first place."

Ueno Daisuke looked the younger man then back at the screen his bread and butter was currently rocking out with the others.

Haruto's gaze was firm, determined, Completely different from piano playing shy guy. When the song ended Haruto and his musicians held striking poses while the stage lights went out. The host stepped in front of the curtain and said. "Singer/Songwriter Ono Haruto. We'll catch up with him and a special guest right after this commercial break."

The television cut out. That was sign enough for Ueno to get to his feet. "it's time to go to work Shinpi-sensei." he said, waving his hand for the younger man to lead the way.

YumeShinpi laughed there was a confidence that most people lacked. "Oh..I am always working. Even when I am not." He tapped his head and moved to wait to get to the stage, the make up woman just adding a bit of powder cooing about his eyes, since he had to take off his glasses for her to apply the makeup.

By the time the make up lady finished Yume's make up Haruto was already seated in a chair beside the host rubbing the palms of his hands against his jeans, Ueno was behind him saying a few things in his ear. Haruto was just nodding at his words. The agent would smile politely and bow to Yume as he left the stage.

"Good luck Shinpi-sensei." He said and stood to wait in the wings.

YumeShinpi Resident stood until he was annoyed, sure that they would talk to Haru a moment alone. He wasn't even a touch nervous, if anything was completely normal.

"3,2,1" someone said from the sidelines and they were back. Haruto managed to put his Idol mask back on properly. The host was an older comedian who managed to get his own television show. He was known for putting his guests at ease, sometimes spoon feeding them if needed.

YumeShinpi waved to the stage hand that was staring while he waited, giving her a little heart shape salute and moved to listen to Haru's part of the interview.

"And we're back," said the host. "If you're just joining us you missed an amazing performance by up and coming singer/ songwriter Ono Haruto-kun," the man said to the camera. He turned his attention to the smiling young man seated beside him. "Haruto-kun, that song was a big change from the love songs on you last album. Any reason for the change?"

Haruto had stopped rubbing his hands over the top is his jeans. "Thank you for having me," he said automatically," and bowed his head to the host. "I feel as an artist you have to be willing to try many different styles or you won't be able to grow." his voice was calm, not shaking, but he wasn't looking into the camera.

YumeShinpi would listen until he was introduced. Pushing back his hair and adjusting his glasses which would make the hair and makeup girl fret and try to put it back.

"This is a big year of trying new things, Haruto-kun," said the host. Haruto nodded. "One being a certain fashion collaboration?" The host got a broad grin on his face and showed up the trademark "?" to which the audience went wild. Haruto's eyes widened and he smiled sincere.

"Yeah, but Why don't you ask him yourself.?" he would bow toward the curtain where Yume was standing.

YumeShinpi took a step out smiling and waving to the crowd offering his signature heart pose before moving over listening to the murers and the surprise. He'd smile big showing off the snake bite with the third piercings.There were even more cheers at the heart. It made Haruto chuckle. He hadn't really seen Yume in his element. Haruto made room on the couch to the so the designer to could sit near the host.

"What a surprise! Shinpi Yume-sensei! What a surprise! Join us Join us!" Everyone would stay standing until Yume sat down. "So, tell us about this collaboration with you and Haruto-kun?"

"Thank you, thank you! I am sooooooo excited to be working with Ono! I mean how great is this, music, fashion, we are mixing it together. And with Ono's new sound we are going to blow your mind." He laughed brightly, it was almost contagious. "We will be showing off his new outfits , one of them on his next concert, and we are actually doing a single image campaign on our side of Ono-san being our model. It's very exciting."

Haruto bows bow his head nodding along. Thankful that Yume was there. The host was eating it up.

"Amazing. So, What brought about this amazing brain child?" he looked at the young men. Haruto looked at Yume

"We happened to meet and what can i say, there was some creative chemistry. He saw my workshop and I saw his video and we thought it would be awesome if we could do something together."

Haruto nods a bit too enthusiastic. "Yes, we met and one thing just led to another." he adds. Somewhere behind the curtain Ueno face palms

YumeShinpi snorted himself. "Ono, if you talk like that your fans will get jealous!" He laughed loudly teasing a lock of his own hair. "I couldn't possibly disappoint all of them and steal you away. And my heart belongs to my fans. " He made another heart and blew them all a kiss to fan girl screams reply. He was an ikemen after all, and the over acting on his part made it look like it was an "intentional" slip.

Haruto blushes realizing what he he said. "Ahh.. I didn't mean it… like that…." that got a few swoons from a few of the girls.

The host clapped his hands. "There you have it, you heard it here folks Shinpi-sensei and Haruto-kun are taking the worlds of fashion and music by storm!" He waved to the two on the couch.

"And we're out!" someone one said on the side. Haruto visuably relaxed in his seat.

"Good job guys," said the host

YumeShinpi bowed in thanks to the host and moved to the crowd to sign a few pieces of cloth fans had been wearing and of course all the selfies. He was laughing and making kissing faces, and completing the heart. He knew how to deal with the public. His confidence in private was the same that he did in public.

Haruto bowed to the host as well and turned to walk off stage, only pausing when he saw Yume going to the crowd. He would slowly start walking that way, his bright smile in place. Inside he was scared shirtless that no one would want his signature. But this was part of it right? The smiling and the like. "Thank you for coming he said out loud to the audience.

YumeShinpi hair clips had gone missing, but they always seemed to when he went into the crowds. He took several and then gestured to the approaching Haru and grinned, his hair now flopped around his face.

Haruto looked at Yume with his hair down and blink. He would go over to where he was. By then there were people reaching out to take pictures of him or speak to him. It was still a blur. "Yeah..?. " he said looking up at Yume.

YumeShinpi chuckled and "helped." Since Ono seemed to be out of it drawing him into the huddle so all the girls that were watching and the other fans could take a selfie with the two of them. Before "looking" at his watch. "We have another appointment! Thank you for being our fans!" He waved big and gestured Ono to head off stage with him.

Haruto nods very slowly catching on. "Oh! Oh yeah, thanks again!" he would smile and wave at everyone feeling like he actually did something. They would make it back to the green room when Haruto finally got to talk. "Thanks for that," he said softly and bowed

YumeShinpi nodded. "it's easy, just think of all of them as your friends, if only for five minutes."

Haruto thought about that and nodded slowly. He didn't even know those people how cold they be his friends? "On stage too, you totally blew it out of the water."

"He was a pretty easy interview..like two questions and a sound bite…though..I think Ueno might be having puppies." YumeShinpi grinned.

Haruto blinks a few times then thinks about what he said. "Shit…."

As if summoned, Ueno Daisuke appeared in the doorway. "Good job Shinpi-sensei. "Then he turned to Haruto. "We have we have some things to work on."

YumeShinpi snickered. "See…puppies."

Haruto nudges Yume with his elbow. The motion not lost on his agent who moved to step between them soon after. "Now, now even if your friends now, let's keep contact to a minimum."

YumeShinpi wrapped his arms around Uenos neck and kissed his cheek. "then people would think I was hiding something….because you see…I am a quite touchy person." He winked at him.

Haruto watches the two shocked then suddenly burst out laughing. It was the funniest thing he'd seen all day. Ueno was not nearly as assumed. He would slowly pull away from the designer.

"I'll call you later Haruto. Good work to you both. " Haruto was still laughing even as the other man left

"Back to the ferry?" Haruto asked when he finally got it together.

YumeShinpi nodded. "back to the ferry."

[gingerparker]

LIE WITH ME

Pairing: Teacher!Tom Holland x Teacher!Reader

Summary: Tom is single, has been for a while. Everyone knows this; they all try to set him up. His family is by far the group of people who annoy him with it most. So, out of frustration, he tells them he's gotten engaged! He's hasn't. He crosses his fingers that he'll find a way to convince you to be his temporary fake fiancé.

Warnings: fluff, drinking, lots of dialogue, 18 + (minors look away!), innocence/inexperienced kink, oral (f!receiving), fingering, swearing, mentions of a previous bad relationship, could be some errors sorry in advance!

Word count: 8.9k

A/N: So, this is my writing debut in this fandom! I'm excited about it!! This is part of @venomsilk 's valentine bingo, thank you for organising such a good writing experience and letting me be a part of it :) I chose: fake engagement, coworkers and innocence/inexperienced kink

Tom's already dreading answering his phone. His mother's name and her contact picture stare at him, it would probably start laughing at him if it could. Spring half-term holidays are coming up and every single Holland is expected back home- Tom is always expected with a partner. He's been single for too long by his family's standards, his secret flings, and one-night stands just won't do. With a sigh, he presses the green phone on his screen and brings the device up to his ear.

"Hi, mom" he smiles as he speaks in hopes that his reluctance to talk doesn't reach the other end of the line.

"Tommy! I wanted to confirm when you'd be making your way home for the break" his mother spoke in an excited tone. She is always happiest when all her boys are together. She brings out the old pictures, makes sure everyone's rooms are perfect and she even gets Tom's father to cook the boys' favourite meals with her.

"My class finishes at 2:20 tomorrow, I should be able to arrive at around 3:30" Tom looks around the teacher's lounge as he speaks. Only one of the math teachers is in the room with him. She seems completely drowning in papers which he can only assume are exams in need of correcting and grading. The great thing about being a gym teacher, barely ever having to correct and grade paper essays.

"That's good, that means every Holland should be here by quarter past four" Tom can feel the question coming, he senses it. "Should we be expecting anyone else this year? A last-minute reveal of any sorts?" she questions hopefully.

"Mom-

"You're not getting any younger dear! I'm getting worried!" his mothers scolds him through the phone.

"I'm still young!" Tom lifts his head as if to show off his youthful features, not that anyone is looking; the math teacher is unbothered and probably unaware of his phone call.

"You are but your father and I are impatient... We'd love grandchildren and for you to find love" his mother knows nothing of his countless flings and string of one-night stands. She wouldn't be impressed.

"Well, mom, you and dad will-" and then you walked in.

You had a cafeteria tray with today's lunch on it. It seemed to be some sort of pasta with a side of steamed vegetables, a pudding, and a juice box. Nothing special but does the job. Tom looks you up and down, stopping at the shiny rings that adorn your fingers, as you sit in front of him with a smile, he smiles back as an idea forms in his mind. A great idea, a brilliant one. He holds up a finger and points at his phone before standing up and walking out of the lounge, he sees you smile again and give him a thumbs-up before he walks out.

"Tom? Are you still there?" he hears his mom's voice in his ear and snaps out of his thoughts.

"Yeah, sorry"

"What were you saying?" the hopefulness is back in her voice. Oh, how his plan will work perfectly.

"I was just about to say to get another chair ready around the table!" he leans on the wall as he speaks. He hears his mother gasp and her telling his father.

"You have someone? Tommy this isn't a joke, right??" she rushes to speak as if taking too long would cancel out what he'd said.

"It’s not" he looks ahead and sees the poster for the upcoming school play, a boy is kneeling in front of another with a ring in his hand. That's when Toms's plan gets even better. Forms itself into something worthy of a movie, his family won't believe this! "I got engaged just after New Year"

He hears an even louder gasp from his mother and a call of his father's name, she's probably telling him to come and join the call.

"You're engaged? To who? Thomas Holland, you didn't even tell us you were in a relationship" that's his father's voice that now reaches his ear.

"Well, you'll have to wait and see her on Friday, won't you?" this plan is going beautifully, Tom's best one in a while for sure.

"Oh, I can't wait... we'll have the best dishware out! I'll even get that fancy cereal you all love so much" his mother's voice is dripping in excitement he can practically see her large smile.

"You do that mom. I have to go now, see you two on Friday" Tom's plan is already going flawlessly, he's proud of himself.

"Bye Tommy, we love you," his mom says before hanging up. Tom pumps his fist up in the air in victory. Finally! His family will stop asking him about his barely existing love life. And all he had to do was lie a little, oh what a perfect plan. All thanks to the jewellery you always wear and the school play, he’ll have to thank you with a gift. Maybe some flowers or even a cafeteria pass that would allow you to never pay for a meal for the rest of the school year.

He walks back into the lounge and joins you again. You’ve eaten the pasta, but the vegetables have been left to the side, though there is half a carrot gone so he guesses they weren’t very good. You’re sipping the plastic straw of your juice box as you scroll downwards on your laptop. When Tom shakes the table slightly as he sits, you look up at him and smile again.

“What’s got you so giddy, Mr. Holland?” you laugh. Tom is practically exploding with pride, with excitement and with relief.

“I’ve finally conquered the beast that is my love life” He shrugs as he grabs his meal out of his bag. He has leftovers from the night before as he can never seem to understand how to cook for a single person. Your eyebrows raise and you push your laptop aside. Tom barely ever speaks up on his love life, so this is a big piece of gossip he’s given you. Last you hear was about a booty call he cut off after seeing her “four times too many”, his words not yours.

“Do tell” you urge him.

“Believe it or not but I’ve gotten engaged” he smiles in triumph. Who knew his plans could ever work this flawlessly? That’s when your jaw drops. Tom Holland? The gym teacher at the school you teach at? A known flirt and lover of not having a single string attached to him. That Tom Holland? Engaged??

“Lies,” you say through a gasp, “To who?”

“No one”

“Tom! Come on who? I can’t believe you’ve kept this from me…” you cross your arms and lean back in your chair.

You and Tom have been working at the same school for over 5 years now and have been close ever since his first day. He had been called to be the substitute teacher for a few gym classes after the original teacher had gotten pregnant. He had been signed on for the rest of the school year, about 6 months. He’d gotten lost on his first day. Instead of making it to the teachers' lounge, he had found your classroom. You had just ended a class and were waiting for the students to pack away their instruments when he came in. Ever since then you two had become close friends, you even made sure to see each other out of work hours. The original gym teacher had decided to become a stay-at-home mom, her wife was an incredibly successful surgeon. So, Tom was offered a permanent contract which he very gratefully accepted.

“No really, (Y/N), I’m engaged to no one” his smile turned into a smirk, his plan had even worked on you. Your reaction just proved to him how incredibly amazing his idea was, he mentally high fives himself.

“You’ve lost me, Tom, did one of the students throw a ball at your head again? Is this you with a concussion?” your face twisted in confusion.

“No. I’ve just finally gotten away with being a bachelor to my parents” he waved his right hand around before taking a bite of his food. Your expression didn’t change so he chewed quickly to keep explaining. “I may have lied and told my parents I’m engaged to make them stop asking about when I’m going to settle down” he chuckled before taking another bite.

“Aren’t you going back home to see them for the break?” you squint at him as you think you’ve found a flaw in whatever he has planned.

“Yes, going to stay there till the 20th,” he says through a large mouthful. Charming.

“Are they expecting to see this imaginary fiancé of yours?” you lean forward and tilt your head. Tom senses that something isn’t right, did he make a flawed plan?

“Yes, I told them to get another chair ready around the table. What’s wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?” he seems to pout a little when he ends his sentence. In any other situation, you’d coo and poke his protruding bottom lip but you don’t even glance at it now.

“Tom, who are you going to bring? Who is going to play the role of your soon to be wife?”

♫*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･

Yeah, his plan was shit. Why did he think he could just lie to his parents like that? They were now expecting an actual woman to walk into his childhood home with him. The future Mrs Holland. The one with who he would have children and the person with who he would share a home. His parents would probably not believe that his fiancé has invisibility power… So basically, he's fucked. How is he going to convince anyone to play the part of the love of his life? Maybe it's time he came clean to his family.

They'll be heartbroken, understandably so. Toms' fabulous plan was anything but good. Y/N helped him see that. You've always been the voice of reason between them. The one to calculate the next move, to think things through and make sure everything goes correctly. One of the best teachers in the school, Tom’s closet friend -maybe don't tell Harrison this… you'd never lie about this to your close ones without having a fake spouse to be ready to go. You'd nail a fake engagement; everyone would believe you. Maybe you should be the drama teacher!

“I'm so screwed” Tom sighs as he walks into his flat. He can hear Tessa frantically making her way to the entrance to greet him. He smiles and hurries to take his boots off. His dog does tend to tackle him with love. She runs to him, immediately jumping into his awaiting arms. “Did you miss me, baby?” he coos squeezing her to him. If shit is happening in his life, Tom knows that Tessa will always be there to cheer him up.

He makes his way to his cramped kitchen, after all, tea always gets his creative juices flowing. His kettle is ancient, he thinks so anyway, he got it at a second-hand store but imagines it’s been in at least 5 other households before it got to him. It was pretty much given to him for free, so he has no real complaints about it. “It’s got character” is what you had said when you visited his flat for the first time 5 years ago.

It was raining cats and dogs, your coat was ripped after getting it stuck on a doorknob as you practically ran out of your flat that morning and your phone was completely out of battery. You were having a horrible day. Classes were done and you were about to run, run as fast as you possibly could to the nearest underground entrance. You crossed your fingers hoping- praying that your barely existent coat would help save your bag full of your students' music sheets. What could go wrong now?

“Y/N? Do you need a ride home?” Thomas Holland; gym rat, amazing teacher, heartthrob. Now you could add ”the kindest person you know” to that list.

He took you home for you to realise you didn’t have your keys. You had texted your roommate and she answered saying that she would only be back in two hours. So, Tom proved himself to be your new favourite person by inviting you over to his place and to wait it out there.

When you got yourself seated on his… vintage floral couch he offered you some tea and waved his kettle excitedly.

“Wow, that kettle has seen things! It’s got character I like it”

Oh… OH! How could he have not seen this? You were quite literally in front of his eyes all along! You would make the perfect fake fiancé. Friendly, smart, gorgeous and his family already knows you so it would be believable enough. With his cup full of tea, he leans on his counter and video calls you.

“Hi Tommy” Your voice cracks through his phone speaker as your face comes into view. He may love getting furniture and cooking utensils from thrift shops or Facebook marketplace, but he doesn’t cheap out on technology. His phone is the latest release and he's got a huge TV mounted on his wall. He tells people it’s because he needs the best tech to stay in shape, but he just wants to be able to watch superhero movies in the best quality. Such good quality that he could imagine himself as Spiderman in some of the scenes. Nerd.

“Hey Y/N, what are you up to?” he takes a slow sip of his tea, how should he ask you this favour? He doesn’t think you'll need that much convincing, so he's not worried about finding a plan b.

“Just left the mall, I could not decide on an outfit for tonight, so I just went a bought on” You lifted the bag that was in your hand to show Tom.

“What’s tonight?” he put his cup down with furrowed brows. “Hot date?”

“Yeah, with the entire faculty!” you laughed “Do you not remember? Tonight is the teacher meeting or party as some call it”

“That’s tonight? Fuck, I forgot” Tom groans. Faculty parties, an excuse to get drunk for some and a chance to hook up for others. Tom has done both. Not his best ideas, especially not when he slept with Michelle Rioux, a lunch lady, she got only a little obsessive, and Tom had to date her for a bit. She ended up moving away for a better job, he really didn’t know how he was going to get out of that relationship at first.

“Figures. You have to go, Thomas! You can’t leave me alone, I won’t get through the night all on my own” You seem to be walking, probably to your car with a cold expression on your face. You don’t want to be abandoned by Tom.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll go. Only because the drinks are free” he chugs the rest of his tea and makes his way to his bedroom. “It’s at 7, right?”

“Yup! At the usual pub, so you better start getting ready, you love dolling yourself up” you laughed as you got into your car. Tom laughed with you as he looked through his closet. “Help me choose an outfit?” he asks without looking at his phone.

“Of course, do you have any dark green? Like emerald?” you asked him. Tom hummed and put his phone down as he dug deeper.

“Why emerald?”

“So we can match obviously” your toned suggested that it was the most obvious thing. How could he not have understood that from the start? You had to be matching. Tom smiled at what you said, it seemed so domestic, so couple-y but it didn’t worry him. He knows how much of a sucker you are about matching your outfits together and he's never been able to say no to you.

“I have this, think Haz gave it to me” he pulls out a deep green silky shirt. He can’t recall ever wearing it before. He hears you go “Ooh” through his phone before you answer him.

“That’s perfect! It would look amazing with those sort of kaki plaid pants you have. You know the ones I’m talking about” Your face is so close to your screen; you want to see up close how this outfit forms.

“Mh yeah, it’s cold so I’ll wear my beige coat and my signature boots” he takes the pants you described from his wardrobe and laid them on his bed so you can judge the entire look.

“I’ve outdone myself with this one Tommy! Can’t wait to see you in it” you wink when he looks at you after flipping his camera back to his face. He smiles again and winks back.

“Think I can find my future fake fiancé in this?” he grabs a belt and some socks so he can have everything he needs out.

“Mh, only if you leave a few buttons undone. Then you might even have me at your feet” you fan yourself dramatically as you chuckle. Tom blushes at your comment and shakes his head.

“I’ll see you there love, we both have some dolling up to do”

It’s only after he hangs up that he realises he didn't ask you to take part in his failed plan to convince his family… he’ll have to find an opportunity sometime tonight.

♫*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･

It’s now 9:47, you and your coworkers have passed the term tipsy. You all sit at the same table laughing and talking louder than you probably should. Tom is sitting next to you; he has a pint in one hand, and his other arm rests on the back of your chair. You’re warm, too warm, but you can’t pinpoint if it's because of the alcohol or because of the arm that keeps grazing your back. So far no one has started making out or ran off to the bathroom for a quick fuck, so tonight is a pretty good night. There shouldn’t be any awkwardness in the teacher's lounge tomorrow. The first-grade teacher, Holly Kan, gasped loudly after downing her strawberry daiquiri in one go.

“We should play a game!” she announces as she ties her hair up into a ponytail, she must mean business. As soon as she hears a few people accept her proposal, including you and Tom, she smirks. “Never have I ever with my favourite brandy,” she asks the bartender for an entire bottle of brandy, but he doesn’t give it to her. She goes up to him, flirts a little, and comes back with the bottle held up high.

“Who goes first then?” Tom asks, he lifts his head a little to speak to Holly, almost as if looking straight ahead is impossible with the sombre lighting in the pub and the alcohol in his system. Whoever decided to do this gathering on a Thursday did not think it through.

“Well, you can Mr. Holland!” She pours everyone a shot and settles back into her chair. Tom sighs, throws his head back and strokes his chin with the hand that was holding his beer.

“Never have I ever… stolen someone's lunch from the fridge in the lounge” 6 out of 11 of the people in your group drink. Tom looks at you from the corner of his eye and scoffs. “Better drink up Ms. L/N, I’ve seen you take mine”

“I have never done such a thing!” you gasp, putting a hand to your chest as you stare him down. He only lifts one of his eyebrows as a response. You both know that you’ve taken his meal more than once, he’s a good cook and sometimes you don’t want to risk it with cafeteria food.

“Sure, whatever you say,” he says right before pinching the skin at the back of your arm. You swat his hand away and lean forward, this way he might not pinch you again. A few more people go before it's your turn.

You think about an act you've never done that others could have for a second. You look at Tom, trying to inspire yourself with his face or his soft-looking hair or his firm pecks -they peak out of his shirt, tempting you almost. When you lock eyes with him again you smirk.

“Never have I ever gotten a drunken tattoo of Pac-man on my inner thigh” you snicker your way through your sentence. Your eyes never leave Toms face, allowing you to see his stoic expression change into one of shock and annoyance. Your coworkers join you in making fun of Tom as he downs the shot Holly had filled up again.

“You're a pain in the ass” he shakes his head at you. “Thought I could trust you with that secret” he teases you filling up his shot glass again.

It's Holly's turn after yours. She seems in deep thought before finding something to share. Something you wish she had never chosen to say.

“Never have I ever had someone besides myself give me an orgasm” she laughs as she looks at everyone drink but then her eyes fall on your still full shot glass. “Y/N?? I’m waiting till marriage what’s your excuse?” her eyes are wide as if waiting for you to drink. You shrug looking down at your hands.

“Wow wow, weren’t you in a relationship with your high school boyfriend till like a year ago?” Mr. Carwilde, a history teacher, exclaims from the other end of the table. His wife, Ms. Carwilde the after-school activity organiser, slaps his arm.

“I was yes” you sigh not looking up. You feel Tom gently tap your arm, signalling for you to look at him. His face reads confusion. Mouth wide open, brows knit together as his eyes shift to every part of your face.

“He never made you cum?” Tom whispers his question probably wanting to avoid letting the other hear but it’s no use everyone is silent waiting for your answer.

“He was an incredibly selfish lover, I always had to finish myself off” you look away from Tom awkwardly, his gaze too piercing. “I haven’t been with anyone since him, sex seems pointless and sort of unappealing really” you take a sip of your iced water, maybe your body heat will go back down to normal if you drink enough of it.

No one says a thing. Complete silence overtakes the table, only the other guests are heard and the mixing of drinks behind the bar. Tom gently takes your hand dragging you away from the group. He makes sure to grab both your jackets before bringing you outside. The fresh air immediately cools you down, sobers you up a little as well. He gently drapes your coat around you before putting his own on. The streetlight next to you makes him look good. Too good. No one should look that good when piss drunk under a yellowish light.

“Thanks,” you say as you lean on the brink wall behind you.

“No need to thank me, I figured you needed to get out of there” he shrugs walking in front of you. Maybe to shield you from the outside, after such humiliation you, naturally, don’t want to be looked at by anyone.

“Yeah, didn’t think I would ever admit to that, I'm drunker than I thought” you let out a dry laugh, “at least everyone knows that Zayne is an asshole in bed” you look up and meet Toms’ eyes. He seems conflicted.

“He never got you to finish? You two were together for so long” he rests a hand on your shoulder, grounding you. You appreciate the gesture, but it reeks of pity, so you shrug him off.

“As a teen, I didn’t care, figured he would learn. Then we got… comfortable in our relationship and I didn’t dare break it up or even speak to him about it. I was scared I wouldn’t find better. So, I stayed with him even if he was horrible in bed. He only cared about himself, never even ate me out” you scoff as you remember it all.

“What?? He’s crazy, that’s one of my fucking favourite things to do. It’s addicting” he throws his hands up in the air and paces in front of you. You smile at his reaction, no one else would be so offended about this than him. “So, you have never been eaten out, ever?” he’s in a state of shock as you shake your head. You? His Y/N? Never had someone do that to you? “Did he ever ask you to suck him off?” you nod. Now Tom looks pained as if he’s just received the worse news of his life. “What an asshole” he mutters ruffling his curls out of his face.

“It is what it is I guess…” you put your arms into your sleeves and check your phone; it’s now close to midnight. You call yourself a taxi and offer to get one for Tom as well, but he declines. His flat is only a few streets down, so he wants to enjoy the fresh air.

Tom looks at you. Really looks at you. He sees the sad expression on your face, the way you stand straight trying to hide it, he looks at your body or at least what he can make out of it as a lot of it is in your jacket. He knows you’re pretty, gorgeous. When he first was hired, he tried to get in your pants more than once before you told him you had a long-term boyfriend, Zayne (the orgasm withholder). He stopped his advances as soon as you told him but that didn’t stop him from admiring you. You were always so kind to him and always made sure he knew where he was going in the school after his first day. Now, you’re single and still completely his type. Maybe you two could work something out…

“Y/N,” he says your name sweetly like it’s his favourite word. You look at him once again and tilt your head in questioning. “Feel free to slap me”

“Slap you? Why would I do that” you giggled as you look at him.

“I’m going to propose something weird here, so I’m giving you permission” he makes his way to you again and you now make out the determination on his face. You nod, letting him know to keep going.

“I need a fiancé to bring home tomorrow” he starts, and you nod again “and you have never had good sex” he adds. You start connecting his thoughts and your jaw drops. “So how about we make a deal” he shuts his eyes, anticipating a hit but you’re frozen in your spot. The gears in your head turn rapidly. What do you even want to think of this?

You’ve always thought of Tom as an attractive man, fluffy hair, bright eyes, a kind smile, and a mouth-watering physique. Anyone would jump at the opportunity to get into bed with him, so, his proposal isn’t the craziest. But what do you think of it? An orgasm would be amazing… wouldn’t your friendship suffer from such a huge shift in your dynamic. Yes, you flirt with each other constantly but that’s not the same as letting him get his mouth on you, is it?

Tom peeks one eye open reading your expression. It’s unreadable so he decides to open both of his eyes and wait. Wait for any kind of reaction from you. You look into his eyes and start to speak. Before you can even get a syllable out, you’re interrupted by harsh honking. You look over Toms’ shoulder and see a taxi waiting for you.

“Um, bye” you manage to say before rushing away. Tom turns around to watch you go before calling your name causing you to stop just before sitting in the car.

“I’ll take over all of your recess and detention duties for the rest of the year” he bargains something else. Something that shocks both of you a lot less. “Lying to them with you will be easier” You let out a breath and nod.

“Okay, see you tomorrow after class, fiancé”

♫*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･

You stand outside of the Holland household, Toms’ hand in yours with a fancy ring you bought yourself a few years ago on your ring finger. You and Tom spent the entirety of your lunch break picking the intricate details of your love life. Any question his family would throw at you, you’d both be ready. He looks at you one last time before knocking on the door. Even if it’s his childhood home he figures it’s best to knock, maybe it’ll give you a few more seconds to get mentally ready.

As soon as the door is yanked open Tom smiles seeing his mother. He steps into the house dragging you inside with him. Your hands clasped together. Nikki looks you over and smiles immediately nodding at Tom. You aren’t too sure what to make of that look, but you don’t let it get to you.

“Hi again Y/N, it’s so nice to see you after so long!” she hugs you tightly.

“Thank you for having me Nikki” you smiled at her as she pulls away. You take off your boots and your coat as she hugs Tom.

“Can’t believe you two kept this a secret from us! We have been rooting for you two since Tom first introduce you” she shakes her head in disbelief, taking your left hand into her own. “Oh, Tom this ring is gorgeous, you picked a good one” Tom isn’t sure if she’s only talking about the ring.

“Had her friend help me out” he grins as the three of you make your way to the living room. You already see four more heads sitting on the couch ready to be introduced.

“Boys look who it is!” Nikki says excitedly walking towards them. She gestures towards the two of you when she’s in front of them. All four of them turn around in a synchronised motion. Harry gasps when he sees who’s hanging off his brothers’ arm.

“You owe me 20 pounds Sam!” he cheers nudging his twin with his foot. Sam groans and waves the other off.

“So, everyone this is Y/F/N, my fiancé” Tom smiles widely and hugs you to his side. Everyone greats you, they all have a shared gleam in their eyes. Some sort of hope. You great all of them back answering their questions before you are dragged to the couch between Nikki and Dom. She had prepared the coffee table for Tom and his partner arrival. Many family picture books and art projects -you can only presume they were all made by a younger Tom- are stacked on the wood and are ready to be looked through.

“Please don’t embarrass me too much, I still have to look somewhat cool to her” he groans as he sits down directly in front of you on a footrest. His brothers laugh at him as their mother instantly goes for the pictures of Tom terrified at a theme park. He’s in tears in every picture, Nikki explains that he had a slight fear of mascots and kept getting shocked. He still had fun but only on the rides and he’d burst into tears as soon as they were back on the ground. You laughed as you looked through each album with his family. They all gave more details behind each picture, even Tom shared some embarrassing stories about himself. Your cheeks were in pain as you hadn’t stopped smiling. You looked at trips, first school day, pool days, graduation, athletic competitions and so many moments of Toms’ life that you didn’t know about before tonight.

Tom was looking at you interact with his family. The most important people in his life. You seemed to fit right in with them with such ease as if you always should have been there. Laughing at pictures of him giving himself bubble beards during bath time or cooing at his first Halloween costume, a banana onesie. It should scare him. How much he likes seeing you there, having brought you with him. He’s never been the type to bring a girl home, he doesn’t do that. So, even if fake, having you here and him being so okay with it is a sort of revelation to him. Maybe no other girl had been worthy of the spot you sit in right now, between his parents. Maybe he’s found someone he could keep breaking his boundaries with.

A little later you all ate dinner together. Sharing more stories and anecdotes. You were getting more questions about your relationship, so you were very glad that you and Tom had taken the time to figure these things out.

“I’m glad it’s you Y/N, Tom has been enamoured with you for so long now. He talked about you all the time, I’m happy he gets to be with you now” Dom speaks with a gentle expression on his face. He’s pleased to see this relationship has bloomed well, that his son is with someone good. You don’t let the shock you feel show as you.

Tom enamoured with you… The man that doesn’t do anything more than hookups and very short flings? What his father said sounds like he’s been having emotions or at least that you've been stuck in his head for a while now… You knew that in the beginning he wanted to do you, that was no secret, but you thought it didn’t get any further than that, how could it have? You look at Tom hoping to get something from him but he’s not looking at you.

“My dad is exaggerating… I talked about you a normal amount” he brushes it out coolly taking a bite of his steak. You smile tightly taking a sip of the drink Nikki gave you. This new tension between you and Tom is invisible to his parents and his brothers but you both can feel it crash over you suddenly. You’re reminded of the feeling you had when he had offered to make you orgasm. The rush of different emotions, clammy hands, a speeding heart and being unable to formulate a coherent thought.

“Have you two had any thoughts about what you want the wedding to look like? Where do you want to go on your honeymoon or even baby names?” Nikki asks excitedly looking at the both of you.

“Um, we haven’t really thought about any of that just yet” Tom scratches the back of his neck before stuffing his mouth full of food, avoiding being questioned again. Nikki rolls her eyes and looks directly at you.

“What about you, dear? Anything you want?” she clasped her hands together and leans on them. Her eyes are kind, but they want answers. She has been waiting for this moment forever now.

“I mean… I’d like an outdoor wedding probably near a castle or palace of sorts just for the pictures. I don’t want something too big, but I want all our families present and our closest friends. I know Tom loves the outdoors and hiking so maybe Iceland for our honeymoon, we could see some aurora borealis. For kids, I’m not sure. I want 2 or 3 maybe… names I don’t have anything right now so, yeah” You finish your glass after sharing your thoughts. Marriage and such had been something you’d looked at before. Being with Zayne for so long, that was the next logical step at one point. You’re glad it didn’t get to that though.

Tom smiles when he realised you’d included him in this plan. Even if it was fake, he liked that you’d thought of him and his interests for a honeymoon, Iceland would probably be amazing with you.

“That sounds lovely, darling,” he said kissing your temple gently.

Tom leads you to his bedroom after you have all had dessert, he carries both your bags. He stops in front of what you assume is his bedroom door and you open it, letting him go in first. He sets the bags on the floor next to his bed. The room is cosy, he's clearly changed it since his years of living with his parents. There's nothing really in it that screams teenage Tom, no superhero decor, no video game console or even half-naked girls hung up on his walls. He had shown you pictures of himself in high school, some showcased those glorious pictures. He claimed they were “accidentally” exposed.

“So what do think of the Hollands?” he asks you as he throws himself backwards onto his bed. His eyes are closed and his arms are thrown up above his head.

“Just as nice as the last time I saw them” you sit next to him, you contemplate laying down next to him but it might be too intimate. Too intimate might just scare him off. He nods with a grin.

“They seem to like you enough, think they believe it all” he leans up on his forearms and looks at you. You turn your body towards him. His curls are pushed back, eyes lidded with exhaustion and a tight turtleneck framing his athletic build. He’s not wearing anything too crazy, it's an outfit he's worn countless times before but fuck. He is dangerously attractive. So dangerous you're close to being trapped, tangled with him in ways you'd never thought you'd be with him. Well, at least not really… Ok yes, maybe you'd thought about it once or twice. Or a few hundred times before. He's hot ok!?

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he's now sitting, body leaning towards your own. Your breath hitches but at the same time it gets quicker. His face is inches away from your own. You could count his lashes if you wanted to.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to eat me alive” his smile ever so slowly forms into a smirk. You meet his eyes rapidly when you notice they'd been stuck on his lips. Hypnotising.

“Maybe… maybe I should take the floor” you mumble, placing a hand on his shoulder and lightly pushing. He doesn't budge nor even a little.

“Nonsense, we'll share the bed, fiancé. Thank my parents for buying me a queen size bed in high school” he places a hand just above your knee and pushes himself up, back onto his feet. “I'll have a quick shower, I'd offer for you to join but I’m betting my mom will be in here any second now” he winks and leaves his bedroom. The door shuts softly behind him.

You breathe in and out slowly before letting yourself collapse onto his maroon linens. Dangerous.

♫*:..｡♡*ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･

Tom and you do end up sharing the bed but there was no more… tension? At least not the same kind that happened before he got washed, not the kind that had you clenching your thighs together when he walked back into his room with a towel low on his hips. Definitely not the kind that made you feel slightly ashamed when his mother peeked her head in to say goodnight. But then again you liked that kind of tension.

It's early in the morning. The sun peeks through Toms window, illuminating his bedroom in a soft yellow glow. Tom is still sleeping with a gaping mouth that occasionally lets out soft snores, charming really. You're scrolling through your phone, liking a few pictures as you go. You keep getting distracted, Tom twitches a little in his slumber. Not much, it's almost as if to remind you he's laying there, right next to you. He did once tell you he liked cuddling well mainly with Tessa but still. Maybe he's trying to hold onto something.

You put your phone back on the bedside table and lay down facing him. You're, once again, close enough to count his lashes. You don't but you could. He twitches again and it makes him close his mouth harshly, maybe he's dreaming?

You notice that his forehead is damp, oh so too warm. You pull the covers away from him gently, revealing the rest of his body. He had said that he usually sleeps in his underwear but stayed fully clothes for the sake of sharing a bed so that might be why he's overheating. When his body is out of the blanket you look him up and down, your eyes quickly snapping back to his face.

That's why he's been twitching so much?? Seeing Tom Hollands morning wood, even covered by his clothes, was not something you were ever expecting to see. In your dreams maybe but in reality, so close to you? Never.

You could try and get out of the bed but that would risk him waking up and seeing how flustered you are. So staying right where you are is the best option, at least for now. You carefully grab your phone again and try distracting yourself with anything you scroll upon. Cat videos, cooking recipes, DIY tips, anything! But then you're seeing one of Tom's posts, him at the gym. Nothing unusual, he loves showing off. He even has an account for children workouts, he lets his students follow that one. This one though it's private, only for the people he chooses to let in. You're there and able to see every single picture of his active lifestyle.

Your eyes drift back to him, to his crotch. You feel dirty looking at him like this but it's so difficult to look away. Mr Holland… What a sexy sexy man. You suck in a breath and move closer to him, not necessarily to wake him up or to start anything. You can feel his body heat this way, he's truly overheating. As you shift into a comfortable position, your phone slips from your grasp and down between the wall and the bed onto the floor. It clatters loudly, startling Tom awake.

His eyes snap open and he takes in a sharp breath. He turns on his back as he rubs his face. His eyes blink a few times before he looks at you. He smiles tiredly, wraps his arms around you and shuffles closer to you. You're pressed to his side; head on his chest and the rest of your body stuck to his.

“Morning, love” he croaks out before clearing his throat.

“Hi” you answer him. You make sure your hands are kept to yourself and that your eyes don't drift down. It would be embarrassing getting caught having a staredown with the bulge in his pants.

“Did u sleep well?” you ask him trying to distract yourself.

“Yeah, think I ran a bit warm though” his free hand travels to the base of his shirt fanning himself a little. You're not sure if he's purposefully choosing to ignore his dick or if he's still stuck in a half awake haze. You made an affirming sound still looking away, you will not look down, you will not look down, you will n- why are you looking down?

Tom's hand is resting on his stomach, moving in slow circles seemingly giving himself some belly rubs. Would be cute if it wasn't for well that. He shifts his body a little and then stretches his legs out. When you feel his entire body stiffen you think he's finally felt the situation happening in his pants.

“Shit, shit I'm sorry Y/N” he lets go of your body moving away from you, probably wanting to get up and far away.

At first, you let him. He's almost out of the bed when your mind drifts to when you agreed to this. When he's suggested trying to give you an orgasm. You think about what his first offer was and how it made you feel. You grab his wrist and tug. He stumbles back into a sitting position and stares at you. You gulp as you sit up, his wrist still held tightly in your hand.

“Do you, um, remember what the first thing you offered me was?” you don’t dare look up. You're terrified of what he might say or of what his face may look like.

“You mean the night of the faculty party?” his voice is low but you can't hear any disgust so you look up at him. His eyes are stuck on you, chest going up and down rapidly. You nod, your voice stuck in your throat.

“Maybe… maybe you could show me what good sex feels like” you're surprised at how strong your gaze is, it doesn't even waver and stays locked with Toms. His is piercing, analytic.

“Yeah?” his body is slowly getting closer to yours, moving with practised ease.

“Yeah” you nod again tugging him towards you.

He looks at your lips and back up to your eyes. He searches for resistance, hesitation, he doesn't want to do this unless you absolutely want to. When all he finds is determination, the hand you aren't holding goes up to your neck. His face is practically on yours, he's so close, not close enough. You tug him forwards again and press your lips to his.

Addictive, sensual, dangerous. Tom's lips move against yours roughly, like he's trying to meld the both of you together. Your breaths are loud between kisses but there's never a long moment before you meet again. You let go of his wrist and immediately start tugging at the base of his shirt. He takes it off but doesn't waste a second to reconnect your lips. His hands wander your body they go onto your cheeks, your waist, your ass, anywhere he can reach.

Your mind can't think it can only chant “Tom” over and over again. It's like he's taken over every single part of you, your body heats with want with need. Your lips already feel blissfully numb it's the kind of feeling that lingers.

Your hands travel his naked chest, reach around to his back pulling him closer so his front is pressed to your own. You break away from him to slip your shirt off, freeing your upper body and allowing Tom to see your bare chest. He sucks a breath in through his teeth and brings one of his hands up.

“You're so hot” he mumbles as he leans down to take your nipple in his mouth. He licks it before wrapping his lips around it and sucks, your other breast isn't left unattended for long as he takes it in his free hand. The moan you let out surprises you, not used to getting this kind of attention.

“Tom” your voice is airy, quiet. You push him away, allowing yourself to lay down and get comfortable against the pillows you were both sleeping on just a few moments ago. Tom smirks but he doesn't join you. Instead, he stands up making your brows furrow in confusion. Before you can ask what he's up to, his pyjama pants are off and he's left standing in his boxers. Your eyes lift to his wanting to avoid direct eye contact with his cock. Your heart races and you feel warm all over so you decide to follow Tom's lead, removing your pants. You're left in your soaked underwear. His knees almost buckled as he looks at you, looks at all you're letting him see.

“So fucking pretty, love” he crawls on top of you with lidded eyes. “Gonna be so good to you, I'll make you feel things you never even knew possible” he kisses you softly before starting to trail them along your jaw and down your neck. A full-body shudder makes its way through you as Tom makes his way down your frame. Your hands tangle in the sheets below you and your eyes never leave him. You watch his every move as you pant softly, anticipation coursing through you.

“You're so responsive… it's incredibly arousing” Tom mumbles against the skin of your inner thighs. He pressed his soft lips to them before sucking, taking the skin between his teeth for only a second the feeling goes straight to your core. Heating up your already warm cunt. You're so wet, your dark panties probably don't show it but you can feel it.

“Take them off” you beg between pants. You're already so overwhelmed and he hasn't even touched your core.

“You're going to fall apart so quickly, darling,” he says or more so affirms. You both know his words are true. Your first orgasm that wasn't from your own hand or helped along with some toys is, hopefully, happening soon.

“Let me teach you all the ways you can feel” he adds as he takes hold of your panties and drags them down your legs until he can toss them away.

Your folds glisten with wetness, pent up arousal leaking from you. Tom groans at the sight, a deep throaty sound that almost makes your back arch of the bed.

“Please, just do it” you whine softly, reminding yourself that you aren't alone in this house. Your left-hand lets go of the sheets to tangle itself in Toms curls, desperately tugging him forward.

He doesn't waste any time, connecting with your cunt sloppily. His tongue makes quick work of locating and licking your clit. He circles it, alternating between that and lapping at you with a flat tongue. You feel his hands go up and down your legs, slowly getting closer to where Tom works.

He leans down and starts thrusting his wet member in and out of you. It's so wet, so messy, so good. Your moans are most likely too loud for what they should be in this setting but you don't care. You've never felt this good and you make sure to tell Tom. Not that he needs the ego boost.

He takes his face away, wet from his nose to his chin, clearly enjoying himself.

“You like that, doll?” he presses a soft kiss to your mound, you shiver almost violently letting out a whimper. “Want to come on my face? Feel something you've never felt before, huh?” his hands finally meet your folds.

He looks down at you as he parts them, rubbing them all along your lips; teasing your entrance. Your back lifts and Tom snakes a hand in the space between his bed and you, holding you at that angle.

He pushes his fingers into you slowly, leans back down; savouring your taste once more. His thrusting makes you squirm, you have never been touched so gently yet so full of purpose. Even if Tom is pushing his fingers in and out of you at a laboured pace, he keeps reminding you to stay here, with him. Not to get too lost in your head, he wants to see everything you feel, everything you're thinking about. His mouth connects with your wet folds again, stimulating your sensitive bud as he's entering you. Your pelvis rocks back and forth helping yourself along.

“Fuck, don’t stop, please!” you choke out. Your moans keep getting louder and more desperate, you’ll wake the whole household at this point, so you let go of Tom's hair and cover your mouth. Hopefully, you’re able to muffle the sounds that leave your mouth. Tom hums against you, pressing his face forward to get more of you on his tongue. His hand never stops moving, his digits rubbing at your walls rapidly. He must sense you getting tighter as you get more desperate the closer you get to falling apart completely.

“You’re so close, Y/N. Cum for me, only for me” he insists against you.

Your eyes roll back as your thighs quiver around Tom's head. His face buried in you not stopping for a second his lapping or the thrusts he does with fingers. Your back is arched off the bed and your muscles are stiff. It courses through you, making tears drip down your face and eager whimpers slip through the barrier you’re creating on your mouth.

Suddenly you fall limp. All tension gone from your body leaving you in a sedated cloud of pleasure. Your breath is irregular and heavy as if each inhales and exhales demand incredible amounts of energy.

Tom gets up from the bed and quickly walks out of his bedroom to the bathroom to get a damp rag and to rinse off the wetness you leftover on his face. He’s back before you can even register he was gone and he takes care of you. You look at him through your lashes and a dopey smile forms as you lock eyes with him.

“Should have accepted your first offer” you mutter when he helps you slip your loose pyjama shirt back on. He laughs softly and sits down next to your limp body. That’s when you realise the hard bulge still present in his underwear. The reason as to why this even happened.

“So want me to suck you off? Return the favour?” you ask him with a cheeky smirk. He shakes his head, he can see that you’re seconds away from falling into an intense orgasm slumber.

“Not now, darling. Maybe I’ll take up on that later though, when you can sit up on your own” he winks just before your eyes fall shut.

“Mh can’t wait” sleep takes over you and Tom runs off to the bathroom.

-

tada