#just something about having a part of your life displayed on youtube and having to watch it from a third person perspective while simultane

[kitnapz]

so recently

ive been into youtube vloggers but ive realized that they need to be a very specific type of vlogger for me to gaf about them.... so they need to be asian women (or at the very least like. a woman of color) BUT they can't be korean. because that shit hits TOO CLOSE TO HOME... i was just watching this korean girl vlogger and i swear to god she just went into the exact daiso that i live near and went to LAST WEEK. and shes staying at a hotel that ive literally been at and they were in the streets that i walk nearly every day.... like that is too close to home i cant watch it

[junnieverse]

IT GIRL L♡VER ➳ ENHYPEN

➙ what it's like for enhypen to be dating their s/o who is also an idol

pairing: enhypen x afab!reader

genre: fluff, a tiny bit suggestive under heeseung's

request: " Cutie patotiiiiii. What do we think about enhypen dating an idol s/o? Maybe even the it girl of the generation? Sending you lots of love <3 ~ sunshine ☀️"

a/n: here it is anon, thank you for the request sweetie and sending you even more love right back, hope you like it!

a/n (2): it has also been brought to my attention that @/rlcswo on tiktok has stolen this word for word so please do go and report this user everyone

a/n (3): shameless self promo, I have a new enha series so please do check it out, thank you <3

🖇️ — 양정원 ; JUNGWON !

he is constantly doing covers of your group's dances

he is a bit more lowkey and 'professional' about your relationship

more 'private but not secret' because he knows how you both need to keep your work separated to your private life

but he will be posting his selcas with you to show fans how smitten he is

jungwon is already incredibly active on weverse always replying to fans but now talking about you is all he ever does

'Jungwon how was your day?' a fan would ask

'Just had lunch with my sweet (y/n) and now I'm going to practice!'

biggest simp ever actually

sees you on the big screen during an award show and he's all smiles now, it's adorable :(

but ofcourse you would be displaying the biggest grin ever seeing jungwon shining on stage too

🖇️ — 이희승 ; HEESEUNG !

this man would risk it all for your relationship

whenever you were both together in public he would always be overly affectionate (giving dispatch a field day with the amount of content)

he knows you want to keep things a bit more private despite being in a confirmed public relationship because engene are a little... yeah

but ofcourse majority of them were very supportive and found you and hee to be such a cute couple

the amount of edits of him giving you 'the look' and fans constantly commenting how they wished they were you even for just a second

you'd usually try to stay composed around heeseung but your boyfriend was a tease and he wanted to see you become a flustered mess even on camera

k-netz knew this too because during an enhypen performance, when heeseung's part would come up the camera workers would always try to get the camera on you to get your reaction

let's just say there are many YouTube compilation videos of you simping for your boyfriend

'(Y/n) folding for Heeseung for 8 minutes straight'

🖇️ — 박종성 ; JAY !

jay usually keeps your relationship with him private unless it is brought up or he has something to say about you relating to something he was talking about

"Speaking of actually, (Y/n) showed me how to play this new song on my guitar." jay says during the live as he played a few chords

and during the en o clock episode where he was making muscles for the boys, he wasn’t sure on how to make them and so he called you to help him

fans found it endearing how he causally stayed on the call with you throughout him cooking and his phone would pass around the boys whilst they all said hi and made small talk with you

it soon became a normal thing where during lives if you were to call you would say hi to engene and during your lives he would say hi to your fans

he's always buying you gifts

during your lives there is atleast one item you have on that you'll mention saying you got it as a gift from jay

jay is very much into his rock music and that's pretty much 95% of his Spotify and then the other 5% is your group's songs

🖇️ — 심재윤 ; JAKE !

the most supportive boyfriend ever

best believe he is cheering the loudest during your performances and when your group wins an award

if it's one thing jake was gonna do, it was shamelessly promote you and your group's music

he plays atleast one song from your group during his solo lives and he talks about which songs he likes more and how hard you worked on it

during interviews, just from hearing your name he becomes like a happy pup wagging it's tail like it's time for his walk

the members always tease him for how much of a simp he is but fans find it so cute and wish for a jake of their own

'10 minutes of Jake being (Y/n)'s biggest fan'

you both have matching couple rings that you never take off even during performances

overall just super proud to call himself your boyfriend :(

🖇️ — 박성훈 ; SUNGHOON !

when ni-ki mentioned how sunghoon has high standards he wasnt lying, but then again you are the standard :p

a complete show off unlike jungwon

"Oh you know (y/n)? Yeah they're my girlfriend, isn't she pretty." he would say during a live

despite your protests telling him to stop he just wants everyone to know that your his

now he's all boastful when you aren't there but the minute you're both in one room, it's like he doesn't know how to act

hoon becomes almost robotic and can't even maintain eye contact with you

gets all shy in front of everyone and can't show you any pda

you both had to mc together once and hoon kept stumbling over his words and would blush everytime you looked over to him and smiled

the 4th gen it couple everyone loves and wants to be or be like

🖇️ — 김선우 ; SUNOO !

being called the 'sunshinez' as your couple nickname

loves spending time with you

he passed the friend check too and your members absolutely adore him (just as much as the enha members adore you)

you didn't know this until he mentioned it on a live but he collects your pcs

your no. 1 fanboy that's for sure

fans even noticed how you'd both started picking up small habits from each other

the couple that has all the juiciest tea on people in the industry

fans soon found out you'd actually been supporting him since his i-land days and found it so special

he posts atleast one photo he has with you atleast once a week and it's always the cutest thing

🖇️ — 西村 力 ; NI-KI !

he loves seeing you wearing his clothes during lives or part of your airport fashion

similarly to jake, you and riki have matching couple necklaces that you always have on

now riki usually keeps to himself but when it comes to you he suddenly comes out from his cave

he could disappear without posting for weeks to a month but when your group has a comeback he is the first to post it on his weverse to promote it and fans will tease him about it

'Ni-ki coming out of the trenches to hype up his girl' fans would say

'You'll know Riki's alive when he makes a post about or with (y/n)'

ofcourse netizens are quick to notice that too calling it couple goals

if he's not out with jake then he's either at home or with you, no in between

he's always sharing inside jokes he has with you to fans and they love how happy you make him

if ni-ki isn't updating fans, they come to you begging you to tell your boyfriend and miraculously he updates on social media

[seeingivy]

better than revenge

actor!eren x f!reader

**part of my method acting fic

previous part linked here

an: this is 11k and tweets on tweets. buckle in. if you find the typo in the tweets shut up

songs mentioned: see you again by tyler the creator ft. kali uchis, end game by taylor swift, and vampire by olivia rodrigo

--

The following morning, the buzzing energy in the townhouse is almost palpable. Not only because you’ve finally completed the set and the last four people have arrived – Erwin, Bertholdt, Ymir, and Historia – but it seems that your intense energy from the night prior seemed to have transferred over to everyone else. 

You’re almost too embarrassed to walk downstairs to the frantic chatter – that coupled with the fact that you’ve heard Connie name drop you almost four times – and it seems that Eren seems to be feeling the same when you walk out into the hallway to find him awkwardly lingering by his  door. 

“Hey.” 

Eren looks up, thrown out of his spiral of thoughts, as he gives you a smile and then looks down at your lip. It’s a little sore, the tiniest bit swollen from the tattoos that you got yesterday, and you can see that his is the same. 

“Hi princess. How’s your lip?” Eren asks. 

“Good. I guess I should be thankful that your name is only four letters and not nine letters like Bertholdt or something.” 

Eren smiles. 

“Let’s see it then.” Eren responds. 

You oblige his request, pulling down to show him the inner of your lip and watch as he smiles at the little ink. He follows suit after, making a rather dramatic display of crouching down to your height before pulling his own lip and showing you his. 

“You know, life really does imitate art. Because now, my name really will be forever on your lips.” you respond. 

“I sure hope not. You’d be slashing my head off sometime in the near future if that were true.” 

You smile. 

“You know, that doesn’t sound that bad to me.” 

“But you have to kiss me after. You know, if it were up to me, I think life should imitate art. Like at least ten times, for scientific purposes.” Eren responds, shrugging as he gestures for you to follow him. 

You shake your head, inexplicably unable to respond to the harmless flirting this time around, as you gesture for him to join you downstairs. The two of you walk in tandem down the steps, sparing each other one last smile, before you get hounded by the likes of Connie and Jean. 

And surely enough, the second you make it down to the kitchen and the dining table at the side, you’re met with the sight of Connie air-playing fan edits on the TV screen for everyone to watch. 

You and Eren take the spot behind Connie on the couch, and Eren smacks him on the backside of his head, before you two watch the edit. It’s of Eren singing Glimpse of Us in the background, except the video’s edited to be showing videos of him and Hyla, before juxtaposing them with videos of him and you. 

“Speak of the fucking devils. Don’t tell me you actually got matching lip tattoos? I’m half convinced you assholes are just lying to piss me off at this point.” Connie asks. 

The two of you look over and grin at each other. 

“Why are you watching fancams of us on the TV?” you ask. 

“Edit accounts are a form of art. Look at this one.” Connie responds, sliding to the next video on his phone. 

This one is in a similar vein, videos of you and Eren from the red carpet to the backdrop of you singing Style. You’re not sure what it is, but the video fills you with an insurmountable amount of joy, especially when Connie scrolls up the comments – most of them being about how people can’t stand how Eren seems to look at you. 

“Connie. Why have you watched this entire YouTube video?” Eren asks, pointing to the little thumbnail at the side. 

You follow the line of vision to where he’s pointing to an hour long video, entitled “eren and y/n creating love for an hour straight.” 

“There’s no way you watched that entire thing.” you respond. 

“Watched it? Bitch, I recorded half of those videos for Y/N-Jaegers back in the day. Please put some respect on my name.” Connie sneers, as he leans forward to put the video on. 

You turn to Eren, as the gears start turning in your head. You can tell that he’s following your lead – in fact, thinking the same exact thing as you – as you discuss it over. 

“I mean, kind of makes sense. S’how we did it the first time.” Eren responds. 

“I’d argue that it’s almost poetic to do it the same way. Plus, the resurgence of Y/N-Jaegers would be crazy, just for PR sake.” 

“I agree.” 

Eren reaches forward, yanking on Connie’s ear to catch his attention. He leans back, before swatting Eren off, and standing to face the two of you. 

“Do you have your phone, Connie?” Eren asks. 

“Yeah.” Connie responds. 

“Then, use it.” Eren responds. 

You give him a grin, waiting for Connie – who albeit, in his confusion lifts his phone – before you both pull down your lips and show off your new tattoos. You watch as Connie’s eyes nearly boggle out of head as he moves closer to the two of you, his excited voice filling the entire room as the group of them all start huddling around you. 

Mai and Mikasa look positively appalled, quietly whispering about how painful that must have been, while Reiner and Sasha break out into their own side tangent about how oppressive lip tattoos must be since they limit your food options so greatly. 

You and Eren laugh as you shuffle back into the kitchen, leaving the group of them to their devices as Connie uploads the video, and the two of you reach for the yogurt in the fridge. The piping hot, spicy ramen seemed like it was just going to burn your entire lip off, so you decided against that for today. 

You lean forward to read the little schedule on the fridge, though the filming is considerably light for the week. Considering the fact that almost everyone was here now, or arriving within the next hour, you were going into serious rehearsals for the ensemble showcase that you had planned. Though you were really only in it for one verse. 

Wednesday, March 27th, 10:00 

Eren and Y/N - REDACTED #1 

You frown. 

“What the hell is redacted number one?” 

Eren spins to the side, crouching down so his chin is just hovering over your shoulder. And the fact that he lowers his voice, to the gravelly octave, makes the hair on your arms stand up on its ends. 

“Levi not talk to you about this yet?” 

“No. We’re too busy talking about award show stuff. You know how he loves to lecture.” 

Eren looks over at you, his eyes borderline smoldering, as you can’t help but look away. It was getting harder and harder to look at Eren after your godforsaken realization last night.  

“From what I hear, what they’re lecturing you about is actually very valid.” Eren responds. 

You scoff. 

“You know, they’re so annoying. I’d appreciate it if they kept my conversations with them as private as they keep their conversations with you.” you respond. 

“Well, they were actually trying to get me to convince you to not use your triple threat performance on me. Not when you’re already performing twice that day, with me at the centerpoint.” Eren responds. 

When you had first pitched your idea for the awards show to them – and humbly begged them to give their ensemble showcase moment up to include the Jujutsu Kaisen cast – you had let them know that your intentions were from the get go. 

And when Eren had created the perfect segway for them with the song requests, Hange had slipped theirs in a week prior with maybe the most difficult request that you had been given yet. 

write a song about danny and sareen 

And even more than just writing it, Hange had made it very clear that they were expecting you to sing it at the award’s show at the end when you finally got to do your triple threat performance. That you couldn’t sing another song about Eren, when winning that award, was always going to be about them. 

Hange’s more theatrical than Levi. Because Levi just gave you the cue card that they have read off of that night, that had your name on it. But Hange had gone the full ten miles and given you the little trophy that you never even got to hold, with the note that came attached from the Institute. 

You can still see it now in the dull, gold looping. 

Dear Y/N, Danny, and Sareen,  Congratulations on your accomplishment! Included in the box is the trophy and a golden glass case to display it in. Please call the offices on Glass Avenue to discuss timings for interviews and your performance at one of our four award shows next year.  Best,  The Institute 

And annoyingly enough – despite the fact that it was your name on the trophy, their names were inscribed on the box. 

It was enough to irritate you into writing the song that Hange wanted you to sing. And at this point, you were itching to give them a run for their money too. 

“They didn’t need you to convince me. I gave in eventually.” you respond. 

Eren shrugs, before dipping his own spoon into your yogurt. Eren had instinctively given up the last strawberry one because it’s your favorite, but clearly, wasn’t very attached to his decision.  

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to make it about Danny and Sareen in the first place.” Eren responds. 

You shrug, leaning against the back of the fridge. The metal is cold on your back, as you let the freezing cold yogurt soothe the burning in your mouth. 

“Well, I only came back here for Marco. Because he won’t ever get to act again. Then when I started to do this, I was only doing it for you – because you did it for me first.” you respond. 

“And now?” 

“I thought back to what Historia had said to me, when she finally dragged me out of that house the first time. She had brought up Hange’s speech, the one way back when that made me even interested in acting in the first place. About showing the real you and all that.” you respond. 

“And?” Eren asks. 

“Well, Hange brought that up to me, when I originally said I wanted the third song to be about you. Not that you’re not important to me, but…being a triple threat was what I always wanted. And really at the core of it, I just wanted to be as unapologetic as  Hange was. I guess when they put it that way, it was almost stupid not to make the song about them when they’re the one who got to take the sanctity of that award away from me.” 

Eren smiles. And before he can respond, you’re tackled by two pairs of arms nearly strangling you around your neck, your line of vision telling you that Eren’s experiencing the same bombardment. Ymir and Bertholdt are shaking his entire frame and jumping at his side – and your ears don’t deceive you when you hear Historia and Erwin bellowing in your ear. 

You pull back, wrapping your hands around Historia’s face. 

“You crazy bitch. Don’t tell me you actually got a fucking tattoo again?” Historia asks. 

You grin, pulling down your lip to show the group of them. 

“Well, I’d be a fucking liar if I said that.” you respond. 

Erwin, in his theatrics, places a hand over his chest and the other one on the top of your head. 

“That’s my girl. Always had such a sound moral compass.” Erwin responds. 

You can’t help but wrap your arms around him as Erwin lifts his hand and gestures for Eren to join him at the other side. He still smells the same – the lingering scent of Old Spice deodorant and a very husky perfume. And when he pulls back, you can’t help but feel your heart squelch when he puts a hand on both of your cheeks and beams down at you two. 

“You’ve always been our little trail blazers, you two. I’m so proud of you two.” 

You turn to Eren and smile, before looking back at Erwin. 

“We’re proud of you too, Erwin!” Eren responds. 

You turn your head to the side, giving Eren a confused look. 

“Don’t flatter me, Eren. I’m not above crying in front of you children.” Erwin responds. 

“I’m offended you would even think that, Erwin. Don’t you know who I am?” Eren responds. 

You shake your head as you turn towards Ymir and Bertholdt at your side and leave Eren and Erwin to hype each other up for what was probably going to be the next thirty minutes at your side. You had already given up trying to understand Eren and Erwin’s relationship years prior. 

“Hey, kid.” Ymir says. 

“I’m older than you.” you respond. 

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I have someone I want you to meet.” Ymir responds. 

You follow her line of vision to the opening of the kitchen, to find someone lingering against the frame of the door. There’s a girl standing there, with tan skin and a short pixie cut – nervously knitting her fingers together. She’s smiling at you, rather brightly, and you can't help but feel like you’ve met her before. 

“Y/N. This is Sofia, my fiance. Sofia, this is Y/N.” Ymir states, gesturing for the two of you to shake hands. 

You oblige, her hand warm and the shake firm, as you try to hide the shock in your face. With the rush of everything that was going on, the information that Mikasa had shared with you days prior had been floating around in the back of your mind but you were never able to ask Eren to put it to rest. 

And now there was another lingering question mark hanging. 

That Ymir had proposed to Historia, but that she said no. That she begged her and Historia couldn’t bring herself to do it. But even despite that, they were still sleeping on the same mattress when you came back for the first time, for Marco’s funeral. 

And now she’s engaged to someone else. 

“Hi Sofia. My name is Y/N. It’s really nice to meet you.” 

Her eyes light up as she squeezes your hand, which you now realize is still locked in with hers, as you look back up at her and smile. 

“It’s really nice to meet you too.” she responds. 

“You know, you look really familiar, but I can’t exactly place why.” you murmur. 

You look to your side to find Ymir grinning at Sofia, as Sofia can’t help but groan in response. 

“I told you she would remember you.” Ymir states. 

“That doesn’t count as remembering me! A lot of people can look familiar to people!” Sofia responds. 

You smile, rubbing your palms together, as you look at the two of them. The thought of Historia a few feet away talking to Jean and Mikasa has you sweating, nervously passing your eyes over just to make sure that she wasn’t watching the entire interaction go down. 

“Have I met you before?” you ask. 

Sofia sighs, the slightest pink tint in the apples of her cheeks. 

“This is so embarrassing. I met you and Eren a couple years back, at one of those conventions with the panels and stuff and –” 

The recognition is instant. 

“Oh my god! You were wearing a shirt with my face on it! With your sister, right?” you respond. 

“I fucking told you she would remember! She has really good memory.” Ymir responds, this time goading her on. 

You shake your head at Ymir, before placing your hands on both of her biceps and squeezing. 

“Sofia, wait. I really remember that because it actually meant the world to me at the time. I’m sure you…know about Scott Clarkson and all that mess and –” 

“I want that man dead and I’m so serious.” Sofia deadpans. 

You laugh. 

“You and me, both. But yeah, that day was actually the first time that Eren and I had ever met him in person. And the entire event in general was just so uncomfortable and left a weird taste in my mouth and you…you really made me feel like I was doing something important and I actually thought about it for a really long time.” you respond. 

Sofia smiles, before she reaches forward and wraps her arms around you. The embrace is overwhelmingly warm, as you eye Ymir behind her back, who's just shaking her head at her demeanor, almost insinuating that this was what she did all the time. 

“I’m really glad. I really meant what I said back then and I’ve always been a big supporter all this time. You’re really brave and courageous and –” Sofia stars. 

“Okay, Sof. Enough. You’re going to make poor Y/N’s head bigger than it already is.” Ymir groans, as you turn back to your side. 

“That’s really sweet of you. How is your sister?” you ask. 

You’re not sure what it is, but it’s almost like you’ve thrown ice on the little warmth that was pooling in the conversation. Because her face slightly droops and Ymir’s quick to put a hand on her shoulder in comfort. 

“Ah. She passed away a few years ago.” Sofia mumbles. 

“Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up and –” 

She smiles, enough to give you the faintest glimpse of her dimples. They remind you of Eren. 

“That’s okay. That’s actually where I met Ymir. At the grief group.” she responds. 

“You went to a grief group?” you ask. 

“Well, not originally. I was there with a friend, a while before Marco died. Met her there. We were already dating when Marco passed away, but…we just figured it wasn’t the best idea for Sofia to come to the funeral with…you know. Historia.” Ymir responds. 

So why did she sleep with Historia on the mattress? 

“I’m glad you’re here with us now. It’s really nice to meet you. And I love weddings, if Ymir can humble herself enough to invite me to hers.” you respond. 

“Shut up, bitch. You’re so annoying.” Ymir responds. 

That’s what she says. But it sounds more like are you crazy? Of course, you’re invited. 

“Anyways, I hope you come to set later. Eren and I are going to be filming something if you want to watch.” 

“For sure. I’d love to see it.” Sofia responds. 

You look over your shoulder to find Levi, Hange, and Eren waiting near the edge of the kitchen island, gesturing for you to come over now that you’ve caught their attention. And as the four of you embark out towards the set, Levi explains what redacted scenes are to you. 

You spare Historia one last glance as you walk off the set and can’t help but feel a bitter taste in your mouth at the longing look she’s giving Ymir. 

--

--

“You know, this sounds an awful lot like method acting to me.” you murmur, spotting the sly grin on Levi’s face. 

“Eren told me not to call it that. He said you might strangle me. Or him. Or both of us combined.” 

“He would be right about that.” you respond. 

He’s leaning against the edge of the vanity, as the makeup team tasks themself with drying and prepping your hair to perfection, while Levi coaches you through what you now understand are the two redacted scenes that Levi has asked you and Eren to film. 

You just think it’s lazy script writing. Levi thinks you’re annoying for calling it that. 

With your combined permission of course, Levi has decided to let you method act through the two scenes that he originally had planned out. While he was allegedly entirely faithful in your ability to deliver lines, he wanted to see if what the two of you could produce out of real shock, in the moment as your characters, was something better than what he could write. 

Hence, the vague scene that you and Eren were going to be filming. To your understanding, the pair of them were each going to give you and Eren a set of prompts and you were just supposed to act your way through the scene based on what they told you to do. 

“Can I know my prompt then?” you ask. 

“You understand, right?” Levi clarifies. 

“Yeah, yeah. I’m just supposed to go based on what you tell me.” 

Levi hops off of the counter, this time leaning closer so that you can actually make eye contact with him in your line of vision. 

“But really. I don’t care how badly you want to say something else. You…you have to go based on the direction that I tell you.” Levi responds. 

It’s almost annoying, the way he’s coddling you through the entire thing. 

“Okay, I get it. This is my entire job, you know?” you respond. 

Levi scoffs. 

“Fine. Eren’s going to ask you something. I want you to shoot him down.” Levi states. 

You lean your head to the side, much to the annoyance of the makeup artist, who moves your neck back into place. You shoot her an apologetic smile, before thinking back to Levi. 

“You want me to shoot him down?” you ask. 

“He’s going to ask you something. Or insinuate it – and no matter how badly you want to do whatever it is, you have to tell him no.” 

Levi gives you a curt nod before he walks back out to the set to put things in place, as you put the outfit resting on the hangar on. You reach up to mess with the little fringe of your bangs, pulling down the undershirt and the jacket as you prepare yourself for the scene. 

When you walk out on set, the group of them are all sitting on the sidelines, giving you excited smiles. You give Sofia a little wave at the front of the sidelines, returning the little finger hearts that Gabi and Falco point towards you as you reach for your cue. 

And when Levi calls action, the lights on the entire set dimming and the chatter breaking down to silence, you can feel your heart pounding in your chest as you see Eren at the top of the little landing, his back facing towards you. 

“Eren! Everyone has been looking everywhere for you!” 

At the sound of your voice, Eren lifts his hand to his face and sniffles, almost like he’s wiping away tears, before you stand at his side. He refuses to meet your eyes and now that you’re standing at his side, you’re not sure how you missed this before. 

They cut Eren’s hair. 

A small part of it – because it’s out of the usual man bun that he’s been sporting since you came back to set and instead loosely frames the sides of his face. 

It might be your favorite look yet. And all you can do is stare. 

He still refuses to meet your eye, withholding it from you. You follow his gaze to the bottom of the landing, to see the kid that Levi had introduced you to a week prior, who was going to play Ramzi in the script. You had yet to film the scene – since you’re almost positive that Levi was going out of order at this point to save time and note it. 

“The boy from the market? What happened?” you ask. 

“Nothing yet.” Eren responds. 

Eren’s voice has that same gravel, almost hollow, like he did the day that you filmed the table scene. It’s almost haunting when his voice sounds like that – so devoid of motion and strained that it makes your chest pang. 

You wonder if that’s what he sounded like in the years that you didn’t talk. 

“What do you mean? Wh-what is this place?” you ask. 

“After the war left them with no home, they all gathered here to live. They’re just like us.” 

Eren’s throat bobs at your side and you can feel his eyes clenching in your peripheral vision. 

“One day, their regular lives ended and everything was taken away from them. They were deprived of all of their freedoms.” Eren states. 

And almost in a split second, Eren finally averted his gaze from looking down and meets your eyes for the first time. You’re not sure what it is – surely something from the makeup team that’s making his eyes look fuller, rounder – but the eye contact is almost excruciating this time. Your first instinct is to turn away. 

“Y/N. Why do you care so much about me?” 

You can feel your cheeks burning. That was the last thing you were expecting him to say. 

“Huh?” you repeat. 

“Is it because I saved you when we were little? Or is it because I’m your family?” 

You swallow hard, the block in your throat stifling. It’s almost like you can’t even push air out of it, like you’re opening your mouth to try and nothing can make it past – enough to fill you with a panic like you won’t ever speak again. Because you have the faintest inkling of what’s going to come next…why Levi was so adamant on asking if you would be able to follow his instructions. 

“I-” 

“What am I to you?” Eren asks. 

Everything. 

It’s the first word that comes to mind when he asks. 

“Ev–” 

You pause, as you feel the sweat accumulating on the edge of your hairline, fighting the urge to reach up to wipe it off. Levi’s voice is excruciating in your head. 

He’s going to ask you something. Or insinuate it – and no matter how badly you want to do whatever it is, you have to tell him no.

It’s almost painful. Having to say it when it isn’t true. When in reality, you know that you’re acting and Eren knows that you’re acting too – that this is just part of your job. But to even strike him down in the fake way, after weeks of building it back together, seems cruel. 

You sigh, shutting your eyes and taking a deep breath, before you look back up at his eyes. The deep green is enough to accumulate the thinnest film of tears in your eyes. 

“You’re family, Eren.” 

And after you mutter it, it’s visceral…an almost physical reaction from Eren. Because you can see the way his breath hitches, the way he hesitantly steps back – quite literally physically recoiling. And the regret sits heavy in your chest and you have to drop your eyes – because you can’t even bear to look at him. 

“Cut!” Levi calls. 

It’s enough to snap you out of the heaviness, as you shake your head at the resounding amount of chatter that follows. You can still feel your heart racing as the makeup team is quick to rush to your side – quickly powdering the sweat that had accumulated on your cheek as they do the same with Eren – and you can hear Connie and Reiner mumbling about how brutal that was to watch on the side. 

You look back up at Eren, whose hollow look hasn’t left his eyes and you give him a halfhearted smile – which he doesn’t return. Instead, he turns back to Levi and Hange, who are murmuring over the shot in the viewfinder. 

“Did we get it?” Eren nearly shouts.

“We got it. You killed it guys.” Levi responds, still fixated on the shot. 

“Do you still need me or can I go?” Eren asks. 

“Eren–” 

“You’re good, Eren.” Hange responds. 

Eren’s almost too quick with it, the way he yanks the little mic pack off the little sleeve in his jacket and hands it to the crew. And with his long bean stalk legs, he’s disappeared from your side before you can barely even process that he was standing there in the first place. 

--

You can’t bring yourself to talk to Eren until two days later, on the eve of his birthday and two days before the award show. Not because you’re actively avoiding him, but it seems that he gets so wrapped up in quite literally everything else he has to attend to. Though really, it feels like that the slight air of comfort that you had was completely shattered by filming the scene together. 

There’s a quiet knock on Eren’s door. He’s preemptively pissed off…and the quiet irritation that had been festering in his chest for the last few days was about to come to a head on Connie and Lana, who refused to take a hint. 

He had made it infinitely clear that he wanted to spend the early hours of his birthday alone. That he would be fine and dandy to celebrate with everyone the day after, but he needed the time to process some things alone. 

The tension diffuses when he realizes that it’s you at the door. There’s an almost timid look on your face, as you balance a little white box in your hands, and peek your head past the closet. 

“Am I disturbing you?” 

“No, of course not. Come in.” Eren responds, patting flat on the comforter for you to join him at his side. 

You give him a smile as you set the little box down, crossing your legs over each other to sit at his side. You lock your hands into the pits of your knees as you turn over towards him, taking a second chance to admire that his hair is the slightest bit shorter. 

“I really love your hair, Eren.” you respond. 

There’s an immediate flush in the apples of his cheeks. He reaches up to it, nervously pushing a hand through the strands before he drops it all together. 

“Thank you. The length was starting to get really fucking annoying.” Eren responds. 

“I liked the man-bun but I think this type of thing really suits you.” you respond. 

Eren looks over at you and gives you a halfhearted smile. And that quiet ease returns, maybe faster than Eren would have liked. The quiet moment of hurt that he was holding on to was absolved the second you smiled at him. 

Eren can hear Connie’s voice in his head – calling him down horrendous. 

“What can I do you for?” Eren asks. 

“It’s almost your birthday.” you state. 

“Congratulations, Y/N. You know how to read a calendar!” 

You scoff, before lightly shoving him in his side. 

“Shut up. I wanted to do something for you.” you respond, before lightly pushing the box in front of him. 

Eren gives you a weary look, before he opens up the little box. It’s a frosted green and white cake – with four candles in it. It’s a strange arrangement since they’re all numbered candles, making the number 2,345. 

“I guess I stand corrected. You really don’t know how to read a calendar.” Eren responds. 

Eren turns to the side, with the most annoying look on his face, as he turns to you and grins. 

“Okay, Y/N. Repeat after me. The year is 2024.” 

“Shut up, asshole. I was trying to be sweet.” you grumble, as you hike your knees to your chest. 

Eren rolls his eyes. 

“What’s so sweet about getting the age wrong on my cake?” Eren asks. 

“It’s actually to make up for every birthday of yours that I missed, dumbass.” you respond. 

Eren can feel his heart pounding in his chest. 

“What?” Eren asks. 

You shrug, before reaching down to adjust the candles from pushing into each other. 

“The last birthday I got to spend with you was your twenty-second birthday. I can imagine that the years’ that followed weren't exactly pleasant…that…that they might have been a reminder of what happened on the beach.” you start. 

That was the understatement of the year. 

“And it’s my fault that I missed your birthday. So, I thought that…we could make them up now. Hence the candles for three and four, for your twenty-third and twenty-fourth birthday. And today’s your twenty-fifth…it’s the least that I could do.” you respond. 

Eren thinks it’s rather unfair that he always seems to be at a loss of words when he’s with you.  Instead of being able to spill out what was really racketing through his brain – that it was getting infinitely harder to swallow down his feelings, that this was almost melting the resolve that he had made with himself to let you make the first move – he opens up his arms instead. 

You oblige, leaning forward and resting your chin against his shoulder, as you feel Eren scoop his arms around your waist. It’s almost like he’s resting his entire body weight on you, because you can feel his face digging into the softness of your neck, as you absentmindedly reach up for his hair, feeling the edges that were just freshly cut. The faint scent of the hairdressing spray still lingers. 

He’s quiet for sometime, but it’s only fitting that when he does break the silence, it’s with something annoying. 

“A cake with no plates is crazy, Y/N.” Eren mumbles. 

You laugh, as you reach inside the box for the two forks you tucked inside the box. You hand him one, as he tucks the ends of his hair behind his ears, and looks up at you. 

“Game plan. You eat all the frosting and I’ll eat all the cake.” Eren states. 

“Huh?” 

“Okay, that’s a little selfish. But it’s my birthday. And I just really hate frosting.” 

The thought that comes to your mind is enough to startle you, just in the slightest. 

Eren really is your soulmate. 

It’s stupid. A stupid comparison to make when the person that you’re comparing him to is Ricky James of all people. But you can’t help but think about that stupid memory, from before the Met Gala. Ricky had bought you that stupid cupcake – and very irritatingly swiped the frosting off of your finger. 

And the two of you bickered because you both preferred the frosting as opposed to the actual cake. And naturally, Ricky was never going to be the type to give up his frosting for you. 

It was sweet that way, with Eren. And you’re sure that the thought of invisible strings and single threads of gold tying you to Eren are really only on your mind because that’s what you sang to him the last time you got to spend his birthday with him, but it almost seems too perfect. 

That Eren likes the cake, but you like the frosting. That you’d always finish the cake if you were eating it together. 

Unbeknownst to you of course, Eren is fully aware of the fact that you are overly fond of the frosting on the cake. And that you have no idea that he really hates eating the spongy cake part and prefers the frosting too. 

But he doesn’t like the frosting nearly enough to not even think twice before offering it to you. 

--

--

You only grace the red carpet for five minutes. You and Eren are above that at this point. But from what you were able to discern from Twitter backstage, after practicing your first set with Eren, it was eventful enough without you there. 

Sukuna splashed a glass of wine in Ricky’s already swollen eye from last week. Hyla tripped and fell when she got out of the limo. You and Eren spend a good amount of time reading through the stuff on your feed – and the perfectly timed blind items that you had submitted to every paparazzi company but the WBS were coming out just as you planned them. 

And surely enough, every single one of them was getting caught off guard when they were asked on the carpet – and couldn’t scramble a perfect PR response out. 

There were three blind items that were yours and the rest were strays. And you were fully intent on making sure that everyone, Danny and Sareen, knew that it was you who submitted them by the end of the night. 

First, that Ricky James had thrown an insanely murderous bitch fit at the front of the Institute Offices in New York when he found out that he had been replaced as the opening act, by Eren of all people. 

Which, according to your sources, was true. 

Second, that the producer for the critically acclaimed Ribbons album, Sareen Clarkson, had been cheating on her husband with industry plant John Stasny, who is twenty years her junior and had previously been linked to several famous actresses, like Historia Reiss. 

Which was also true. It had only been a few hours since it had been leaked, but the shit train that followed wasn't pretty.

If you were going to call her a fame fucker, you were going to make sure that everyone was going to understand the reference. 

And the third was that stupid magazine cover that Scott had mailed you and Eren. 

This was seemingly the last pillar that had to fall in taking down Scott Clarkson and his empire – or at least putting the tiniest bit of a dent in it. 

The only reason that the WBS was successful in the first place was the same reason that his label and movie company thrived the way they did – they were big enough to eliminate all the competition. 

But when it came to something like a tabloid, that centered around reporting on drama, it was almost natural to take them down in this way. If they were the only ones that lacked the information, then they’d be the only ones who would drop the ball on reporting it – and therefore, people would have to divert their attention away to someone else to get the information. 

The foundation seemed a bit bare, but you were already too far in to oppose it at this point. 

You feel a little tap on your shoulder and you turn around to find the two people who were going to be accompanying you for your first performance. 

The dopplegangers of you and Eren – from the Girlfriend and Because I Liked a Boy Performance. 

“Hi guys!” 

You reach forward and wrap your arms around both of them as they return the gesture and warmly hug back. Thankfully, they were more than happy to oblige with your second request – third for Penelope if you counted Girlfriend – to pretend to be you and Eren. 

You almost felt bad for marking this as their legacy so many times, but they were more than happy to oblige – citing the free food and the hefty paychecks as more than enough compensation. 

“Right, well. Eren, this is Penelope.” you state. 

“Yeah. Yeah, we’ve met before. Hi.” Eren responds, the look on his face so painstakingly awkward that you almost feel bad for the prank that you’re about to play on him. 

“And this is Scott.” you respond. 

It’s insanely bad timing, since you accidentally mention it while Eren’s taking a swig of his water bottle. And due to the shock, he consequently spits the entire contents back into the bottle and gives the three of you wide eyes. 

“Your name is fucking Scott?” 

“No, it’s Jason. Y/N paid me three bucks to say that.” he states. 

Eren looks at you, giving you a downright murderous glare, as he puts the water bottle down. 

“You bitch.” Eren grumbles

“It’s funny!” you respond. 

You shake him off as you turn back to Jason and Penelope and eye the little wardrobe rack on the side. 

“Okay. Hair and makeup is ready for you two whenever you are. And just remember, that if anyone asks you about the outfits –” 

“Mine is based on Selene, goddess of the moon.” Penelope states. 

“And mine is Poseidon, god of the sea.” Jason adds. 

You grin. The two of them give you a passing wave before they walk off to the other side of the stage and Eren makes a dramatic display of shuddering. 

“What?” 

“Don’t they like…freak you out?” Eren asks. 

“Why would they freak me out?” 

“They literally look like us! And they’re literally dating too which makes it even weirder!” 

You give him a weird look. 

“They aren’t dating.” you respond. 

Eren wraps his arm around your shoulder, before twisting you to the side of where their dressing rooms are – where the two of them are standing, kissing. 

“That looks really friendly to me.” Eren states, tone dripping with sarcasm. 

“What the hell?” 

“It’s weird!” Eren whispers. 

You shiver. 

“Ew. I don’t like that.” you respond. 

“Levi should hire them to do the kiss next week instead of us. Sure, they’ll enjoy it more than we will.” 

You can feel your cheeks burning. You know that it’s not what he meant – surely, that it couldn’t have been what he meant in the slightest but the sting still hits all the same. 

“Jesus. Didn’t realize you were so opposed to kissing me.” you mumble. 

Eren’s eyes go wide.

“I’m not opposed to kissing you!” 

“You just suggested that Levi and Hange should literally offer a salary to two people who kind of look like us just so you wouldn’t have to kiss me.” you deadpan. 

“No! I didn’t mean it like that!” 

“Well…don’t be weird about it! You don’t have to…want to kiss me. I know we’re just working and that it’s all like method acting or whatever. I’m not going to get offended if you don’t want to it’s just–”  

Eren looks agitated. If Sukuna was standing here, you know that he would have no self control and probably piss him off more by asking him if he needed to take a shit. 

“Y/N, just listen. I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable because I wrote a kiss into the script and told Levi and Hange that they can’t write it out this time.” Eren responds. 

And just as fast as his eyes go wide, his cheeks are bright pink this time as he suddenly busies himself with worrying about his costume to change the subject. 

It’s a hopeful thought and you’re clearly speaking faster than you’re thinking. Because it’s probably against your better judgment to assume that he wrote the kiss in just because he wanted to kiss you. 

You say it anyway. 

“You wrote the kiss into the script?” you ask, giving him a grin. 

“My costume seems like it’s going to be tight, right? It looks a little short at the legs? We should see if we can get this fixed in the next twenty minutes before we go on, so I don’t look like an idiot, you know?” 

You place a hand on his shoulder, to stop him from bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, and keep him standing on the ground. 

“You can relax. I was just messing with you. And your outfit looks fine, I think we should change now so we can make sure I don’t go swinging into the audience with the equipment.” 

Eren waits for you to finish changing before you walk over to the little makeshift hang-glider that you guys requested. He chooses to ignore commenting about how much he loves it when you wear red for the time being and focuses on making sure you don’t plummet to your imminent death from the moon you’re going to be hanging off of. 

Eren watches as you shuffle on the little seat, before he reaches around you and secures the little belt around your waist. You watch as he tightens it not only twice, but three times, before he reaches for your hand and secures the microphone around it next. 

“You know, I understand securing me to the moon but I think the microphone is a little much. I’m not going to go dropping it.” 

“I’m sorry for being overcautious. I’m not a big fan of…stints that include hanging in the air for so long.” Eren responds, as tightens the strap around your hand again. 

You pale. Of course he hates these type of things.

“No. No…I’m sorry. I totally forgot about that…I-I didn’t even realize that this might be really nerve wracking for you. We can take this part out if–” 

“No, no. I like the set design. How about you just promise to come back to me in one piece?” Eren asks. 

You sigh. 

“Of course.” 

And Eren gives you a gleaming, two dimpled smile in response, before he taps your side and walks over to his cue. As they send your little glider into the air, you can actually see the entire audience from the little break in the curtains at the top – and can spot a very annoyed Ricky James sitting front and center. 

With pink wine stains on his shirt. 

You look down at Eren, who looks up from his spot, and spares you one last thumbs up before the music stats. 

You have to give your props to Eren’s team for working out the set exactly as he wanted it. With the ocean on the left, you in the moon on the right, and Jason and Penelope doing their little slow dance on the beach in the middle. 

Eren:  You live in my dream state Relocate my fantasy I stay in reality You live in my dream state Any time I count sheep That's the only time we make up, make up You exist behind my eyelids, my eyelids Now I don't wanna wake up

Eren:  20-20, 20-20 vision Cupid hit me, cupid hit me with precision I wonder if you look both ways When you cross my mind (Yeah), I said, I said I'm sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You're the one that's always running through my daydream, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes

And surely enough, they lower you from your little vantage point behind the curtains to the bright flashing lights and the resounding cheers of the crowd – that are barely muffled out by your ear pieces – as you sing your part. 

Y/N:  Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I'm 'bout to go to war And I don't know if I'ma see you again

As Eren sings his second verse, they’re quick to lift the moon back up and off the stage in time for you to climb off – and for you and Eren to replace Jason and Penelope on the beach in the center. 

You and Eren hadn’t really practiced this part, though in hindsight it was simple enough. You just had to keep leaning in until they dimmed the lights – to make it look like you and Eren were going to kiss each other. 

Y/N:  Can I get a kiss? (Can I get a kiss?) And can you make it last forever? (Oh, forever) I said I'm 'bout to go to war (Go to war) I don't know if I'ma see you again (See you again) Can I get a kiss? (Can I) And can you make it last forever? (Can you) I said I'm 'bout to go to war ('Bout to) And I don't know if I'ma see you again

It’s excruciating to do it. To pretend – and in that second, you decide you’re going to kiss him anyways. Because he wraps his hand too perfectly around your neck to pull you closer and instinctively closes his eyes. 

And then it’s overwhelmingly embarrassing. Because the exact second you time moving forward is when Eren leans back, because they’ve pulled the curtains. And runs off to the side curtains, as you awkwardly stalk back. 

You try to swallow down that pit of shame in your throat as he turns back towards you, handing you an ice cold water bottle. 

“That was great! But was it really hot up there? Your face is all pink.” Eren asks. 

“Uh, yeah. I kind of had a panic up there.” 

Eren twists the cap off and instructs you to drink, biting cold enough to taper that burning heat in your cheeks, as he instinctively shakes his head. 

“I said come back in one piece.” 

“I am in one piece.” you grumble back, getting ready to go stalk off to your dressing room until you had to face him again four performances later. 

Eren doesn’t follow when you make it all the way to the little room, as you lean back in the chair and resort to massaging your temples. 

Too close. That was way too close. 

“Hey?” Eren asks. 

You can see Eren poking his head into your dressing room, bright green eyes curious as he looks down at you. 

“What?” you ask. 

“The answer is yes.” Eren responds. 

You glare, in irritation. 

“To what?” 

Eren bends down, pressing a kiss right into the thrumming pulse of your temple. 

“You asked me if you could get a kiss. Well really, you asked me seven times if you could get a kiss, but I’ll spare you the entire show.” Eren responds, tapping the frame of the door and giving you a bright smile before he steps back out. 

You sigh. The quiet moment of hurt that you were holding on to was absolved the second he smiled at you. And multiplied into the biggest, searing feeling in your chest when he kissed you. 

--

--

There’s seven people in your dressing room after the fact. And one of them is Satoru Gojo, who counted as an additional ten people, which is when you take the sign that it’s probably time to duck out of there. 

You had three options – Connie and Eren who were having way too much fun with your special props, a group that had both Historia and Ymir in it, or Sukuna – who was standing by himself in the corner. 

There was a very obvious choice. 

He gives you a noncommittal nod as you walk up to his side and link your arm in with his. He’s nursing a tiny glass in his hand, which he offers to you. You know him well enough by now to know that it’s going to be some taste buds descreating drink, but decide to drink anyway. 

And surely enough, it burns all the way down to your esophagus, making you physically recoil as you hand the glass back to him. 

“Jesus. I feel bad for your liver.” you respond. 

“I actually don’t drink that much anymore. My liver is just fine.” Sukuna responds. 

“There’s no way. That just destroyed like…a quarter of your lobule.” 

“What the fuck is a lobule?” 

“The functional unit of the liver!” you respond. 

If looks could kill, Sukuna would have murdered you then and there. It’s at that moment that Eren and Connie run up to you, Eren quickly placing his hands on your cheeks to angle your face up towards him and place the little crown on your head. 

“Très magnifique!” Eren murmurs. 

“Wow. Who taught you French, Ratatouille?” 

“Does that count as a self-diss? You taught me French, ma lune.” 

You lightly shove him in the side, as everyone reaches for their cues on the stage and you crawl to the revolving stage underneath with Eren and Sukuna. And surely enough, Levi and Gojo delivered well on their promise with their prop guy. 

He perfectly replicated that god forsaken throne Scott was sitting on in that stupid magazine cover. You snag the little crown Eren placed on your head off to admire the work on it – the gold handiwork. You place your hands in the middle and test the fragileness, noting that it takes little to crack the pieces – before you place it back on your head. 

“So, who was on the right? Eren or Lana?” you ask. 

“I was on the right.” Eren responds. 

The group of you flinch as the music starts blaring above and take it as a sign to stick your earpieces in. And right on timing with the chorus, you can hear the screaming get louder – which you’re positive is people just overreacting to the fact that Gojo’s the first person in the ensemble showcase when he shouldn’t even be in it in the first place – and tap your hands nervously on the handles. 

I wanna be your endgame I wanna be your first string I wanna be your A-Team (whoa-whoa, whoa) I wanna be your endgame, endgame

“Sukuna. There’s pins right there, there’s no way she’s not going to jostle the crown off before she hands it to Lana.” 

“Got it.” Sukuna responds, shuffling away as you look back up to Eren. 

He looks down at you, tucking your hair behind your ear, which has your heart pounding in your throat. 

“Pretty dress.” Eren whispers. 

You give him a shrug, before laying down the fringe at your sides. 

“Nice suit.” you respond. 

“Eh. It’s kind of digging into my neck.” Eren responds. 

You stand up, rocking back on your heels, as you turn to face him. You reach forward, reaching for the top buttons of his dress shirt and task yourself with unbuttoning them. 

“You know, you could at least take me on a date first.” Eren grumbles. 

You hum in response, giving him a smile, as you stop at the third button and reach forward to readjust the layers of his necklaces. His skin is soft and warm underneath your fingertips and it gives you an insanely inappropriate thought. 

“What are you thinking?” Eren murmurs. 

“Nothing.” 

“You’re thinking something naughty.” 

“Ew. You have such a disgusting choice of words, Eren.” you whine. 

“What was it?” 

“Nothing, Eren. I was thinking about how pale you are.” you respond, letting go of the chains and reaching back to sit in your little chair. 

Eren reaches forward, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you back. He’s quick with his other hand, securing it around your waist and holding you steady against him. His lips hover right by your ear, the gravel of his whispering makes you nearly squirm. 

“What were you thinking?” Eren asks. 

“Nothing, Eren. Really.” 

“I’m not an idiot. I’ve seen that look in your eyes before…and I know what it means. What were you thinking?” Eren asks. 

You groan, squirming out of his embrace. 

Where the hell did Sukuna get lost? 

“I just thought about something that people would notice, that's all. But we don’t–” 

“What was it?” 

You groan, before tucking your hair behind your ears. 

“I’m wearing red lipstick. And that’s a fairly…exposed patch of skin. People would notice if I–” 

“If you kissed me. Alright, go ahead and do it then.” Eren responds, angling his neck closer to you.” 

“Eren.” 

“C’mon. It’s almost our turn. You have to be quick with it.” Eren responds, gesturing frantically with your hands. 

You awkwardly step forward, placing your hands on the sides before you pinch your eyes shut and press a lingering kiss to his neck. You can feel Eren lightly tilt his head back and inhale sharply the second you make contact – but you chose to ignore it. 

You pull back and examine the mark, though it’s rather faint. Eren clocks it fast enough, as he gestures with his hands again. 

“Another one won’t hurt. C’mon.” Eren whispers. 

“Okay, yeah.” you respond. 

You press your lips to his neck again, this time earning you Eren’s hand squeezing into your side – where it was resting at your waist – as you pull back and admire the mark. You look back up at him, feeling an itching sensation all over as you give him an awkward smile. 

“You guys are fucking insane, you know that?” Sukuna mutters. 

“Sukuna! Where the fuck did you go?” you respond, angrily snatching the little pins from his hands and securing them into your hair. 

You sit back down on the throne, as you hear the little countdown ringing in your ear, and prepare yourself to sing the last portion of the song. You can feel both of their hands on your shoulders – squeezing hard – as you lift the microphone to your lips. 

Big reputation, big reputation Ooh, you and me, we got big reputations, ah And you heard about me, oh I got some big enemies (hey) Big reputation, big reputation (yeah) Ooh, you and me, we'd be a big conversation, ah And I heard about you, ooh You like the bad ones too

You rustle the crown off of your head and hand it to Sukuna, who walks over to the edge of the stage and tosses it right to Lana in the front row. Who takes it in her hands and breaks it in half before throwing it behind her back. 

I hit you like, "Bang" We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't And I bury hatchets but I keep maps of where I put 'em Reputation precedes me, they told you I'm crazy I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me And I can't let you go, your handprint's on my soul It's like your eyes are liquor, it's like your body is gold You've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks So here's the truth from my red lips  

I wanna be your endgame (endgame) I wanna be your first string (me and you) (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (be your A-Team now) I wanna be your endgame, endgame I wanna be your endgame (oh, I do) I wanna be your first string (first string) I wanna be your A-Team (A-Team) I wanna be your endgame, endgame

--

--

The last part is the most nerve wracking. You had to abandon your sweet post of sitting in between Eren and Mikasa at your table for your last performance of the night – which was going to be announced by Danny and Sareen. 

It’s like sitting on pins and needles, getting your hair done and slipping into the sparkly but scratchy dress. And surely enough, when you wait on the edges of the curtain and watch them stage your set – of a grand piano and little star decals – they join you at your side. You can feel your hands shake, nearly dropping the trophy in your hands, as you spare them a glance. 

They’re shorter than you remember and frankly, less intimidating too. That coupled with the fact that Danny has a bright pink eye and the slightest bit of dried blood around his nose.

“What happened to your face?” you sneer. 

Danny rolls his eyes. 

“Ask your boy-toy.” he responds. 

You fight the urge to smile, and make a mental note that Eren deserves every bit of your praise when you see him next, as you turn your head back to the stage, where the announcer is presenting the highlights of your career on the back screen. And surely enough, the two of them awkwardly jostle their arms in with yours as the three of you walk out together. 

You stare blankly out in the audience. And refuse to smile. 

You can see Eren sitting front and center as he gives you the smallest thumbs up in support.

“One of our crowning achievements is getting to work with this lovely young lady right here, on some of our most famous albums, like The Lucky One. Please give a well deserved round of applause for the unstoppable Y/N L/N, who will finally be gracing us with her triple threat performance.” Sareen states. 

You note the drag in her voice when she says the word finally. And you fight the acidic feeling that accumulates in your mouth as you’re suddenly acutely aware of the fact that you’re standing next to the two people you hate the most – who continue to take credit for the one thing that’s yours. 

“Out of the three, Y/N has chosen to mimic the signing performance that awarded her this coveted prize. She will be playing her brand new song, vampire, on the piano. A true testament to all the work that the three of us put together as a team, in molding her into a skilled pianist.” Danny states, sticking his hand out to Sareen as the two of them walk off and take a seat right at the front. 

You can feel your skin steaming as you place the award on the top of the piano and sit down at the keys. You’re able to catch Sukuna’s striking pink hair moving on your left – to the seats behind Danny and Sareen – as you take that as your cue to start performing. 

Hate to give the satisfaction, asking how you're doing now How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about? Just what you wanted Look at you, cool guy, you got it I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise I loved you truly Gotta laugh at the stupidity

“Eren. You okay? You’re shaking the entire table.” Lana asks, leaning over to whisper in his ear. 

Eren absentmindedly looks down and notices the nervous shaking in his leg, as he turns to his side and spares her a glance. He can note that Lana's concerned because this is starkly similar to the last time the two of them were here together.

When you were singing your isolating, heart-shattering piano ballad about him, while he was hanging his head in between his legs. After you had slapped him, after you had yelled at him after everything that had happened.

That was far from it. It was the way your hands were shaking on the piano keys that was stressing him out. He needed you to make it through the entire thing. Desperately.

“I’m nervous. I think she’s going to cry.” Eren whispers back. 

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine I should've known it was strange You only come out at night I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, famefucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire 

You’re crying. 

Because all you can think about is how the two of them were just standing there, arms linked in with yours, in a moment that was supposed to be yours. That every moment that was supposed to be yours was theirs – and that even at the end of all of that, their still the one standing their proud with their careers when you had to suffer at the hands of it. 

That taking your career was one thing, but taking advantage of the fact that you knew nothing was another. Because you were a teenager, who was so attached to her dream that she'd do anything to get it, especially when people at the top – were promising it to her.

All at the expense of Eren and his feelings. At the expense of your relationship.

You can feel your hands shaking, your vision entirely blurred as you feel the tears start to pour out of your eyes – your singing voice coming out entirely strained as you continue to push your keys on the piano. And you’re able to strain enough until you get right to the bridge and pause. 

They had a responsibility to look out for you as an adult. And did the exaxt opposite.

You reach back to the slicked back bun and snag the pink ribbon that was secured into the little hair tie. The same pink ribbon that was dangling from your hair the day you were stranded in that godawful rain. And yank it straight out of your hair and wrap a little bow around the bottom of the award. 

You wipe the wetness on your cheek, coming back with the slightest smudge on the back of your hand, before you press your hands into the keys and continue singing. The continuation has people rising out of their seats – and you don’t fail to notice that Eren’s the first one to do it – as you finish the song. 

You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart I tried you help you out, now I know that I can't 'Cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understand

I've made some real big mistakes But you make the worst one look fine I should've known it was strange You only come out at night I used to think I was smart But you made me look so naive The way you sold me for parts As you sunk your teeth into me, oh Bloodsucker, famefucker Bleedin' me dry, like a goddamn vampire

You take the award and stand up from the bench of the piano to walk straight off the stage, directly to where Sareen and Danny are sitting in the front. Sukuna’s taken the hint to leave the open chair he was sitting in between them and retreats back to his original, as you place the award in between the two of them. 

“Congratulations. I hope it was everything you ever wanted, assholes.” you seethe. 

You slam the award down onto the open space between them, enough for them both to jump up in their seats and spill a glass of wine down the length of Sareen’s dress, as you angrily march back to your seat. And surely enough, Eren and Mikasa are waiting there with open arms, ready to wipe your glittery tears away. 

And as the cameras drop and they cut to commercials for four minutes, you lean your head against Eren’s shoulder as Mikasa pours you a glass of water. 

“So fucking good. So fucking amazing, Y/N you–” Eren whispers.

"Eren even punched him in the face earlier, Y/N! It looked like it really hurt." Mikasa murmurs.

You look up at Eren, and he's grinning so hard, that you can't even fight the urge to not smile back.

"Why'd you punch him?" you ask.

"You slapped Scott Clarkson for me. Why am I not allowed to punch Danny for you?" Eren asks.

You feel a tap on your shoulder and look to your left to find Hange and Levi standing at your side, which really only brings on a more powerful stream of tears. Levi instinctively opens up his arms as you lean against his shoulder instead, Eren standing closeby with Sukuna at his side now.

“Was that everything you wanted Hange?” you groan. 

Hange smiles. 

“And more, kid. I, uh. Actually have something for you.” Hange responds. 

“What’s that?” you ask. 

Hange gestures to Connie at the side, as he produces a small, golden trophy in Hange’s hands. 

“I really don’t give a shit about this anymore. S’kind of how it goes with this type of thing. But, I know this award, this one in my hands specifically meant the world to you back in the day, so I want you to have it.” Hange murmurs. 

You frown. 

“Hange. You can’t just give that to me.” you respond. 

“You gave yours away because it gave you more pain than it was worth. Mine did the same for me at the time too. But, it gives me joy to give it back to you, because really, you deserved it. Back then, but even now too.” 

You take the little golden trophy in your hands, noting that it’s much smaller and really not even as shiny as the one that they had just handed you, and press it close to your chest. 

“Hange, thank you so much. You have no idea what this even means to me.” you whisper, as you wrap your arms around their neck. 

Hange spares Eren a glance over the shoulder and gives him a big thumbs up, coupled with Levi’s approving smile. 

It’s the rare times that Eren’s overthinking habit comes in handy. When he’s able to think ahead and fix things before they happen. 

“I have an idea, kid.” Hange responds. 

--

--

Levi and Hange give you a three day break when you get back to set. You’re not sure what exactly it was that came out of you when you did your last performance, but it was almost like it drained the life out of you. Eren nearly had to drag you back onto that plane and consequently, to your room, when you made it back to the set. 

He thinks that you’ve finally let go of what you’ve been holding on to. And that you can finally move forward now. 

You told him that Marco must have been haunting him overtime for the past few days, which earned you a hearty laugh from him. 

And surely enough, on the fourth day, you’re able to muster your legs down to the kitchen – to a group of well meaning cheers from the group of them – as you read the little slots on the schedule pasted on the fridge. And surely enough, Levi was going to throw you right back into the thick of it. 

Wednesday, April 6th, 8:00 AM 

Eren Head Decapitation 

It’s a stupid caption. If you didn’t know what it meant, you would even laugh at it. 

But you had read ahead already – and knew that it meant that it was finally time for you and Eren to get that kiss scene out of the way.

--

next part linked here

taglist: @k0z3me @kayleegomez @yihona-san06  @bsenpai @sweetenertea @mykyoon @violetmatcha  @rebeccawinters @cutiejg @bokutosthings @bookwrmm @mblrrr @wheredidmycrowngo @somethinginyoureyes7 @chilichopsticks @okaystopwhore @you-always-made-me-blush @itzmeme @firelordazulaaa @whoami-72 @g-ghostly @intimacywithceline @erensmoodygf @cocomellxn @princess-ackerman @jaegerfiles @cacapeepee @rui-0836 @moonmalice @invisible-mori @sofiasber @bbybeeb @timetobegone @tee4str @ttokki2 @leave-rae-alone @ec3lipsy @officialsimp @gojojang @yookayyo @lordbugs @multiplefandomthings @iobeyfandoms @camilo-uwu @justanotherkpopstanloll @mel-star636 @fvckingeetar @ttalgi @najaemism @ilovekimchi123 @youraggedybitch @xoyumiqls @leafguitar @spiidergirlsworld @luvs4kim @levin4nami @florichun @hoonmyluv

[sqtorux]

Hii!!!! If ur not taking requests rn feel free to ignore this but could you write something for gojo (preferably hcs) about him with a fem reader who has powers like the scarlet witch from the mcu? And is maybe even a little stronger than him? Idk if you’re familiar with marvel but you can just search up the scarlet witch scenes on youtube and you should see videos just displaying her powers 😭 thank you !!!!!

── the strongest duo .

okay first i think gojo would have known you ever since the both of you were children because how can he not? you were the strongest, along with him. although there were speculations that you would grow to be even more stronger than him and he does not like that at all.

maybe because of that fact, he never really liked you. he was intimidated too but he would never admit that part.

so imagine how happy he was when he found out you were going to the kyoto branch instead of the tokyo one where he's going. he'll finally be free of other people trying to lump the both of you just because you both happened to possess powers far greater than others.

well that didn't last for long with the sister school games coming up. it wasn't surprising either when you were face to face with him out of all people.

but by then, gojo had grown a little. somewhere along the way he got tired of trying to be a weapon of threat, at the beck and call of the corrupted and selfish higher ups who don't know better despite their "experiences" in life.

so this time gojo decides to indulge you and take the time to really know you, instead of looking at you through a vision where he only saw you for your technique. he hadn't realised it but all he knew about you, were the things you were capable of and not actually you.

he was a victim to the very thing he hated so much. so this time, he listens.

you were a bit skeptical about his changed behaviour at first and it took a while to convince you that he really wanted to listen to you and maybe, get to know you more.

gojo realises you were similar to him in more ways than one. from that day, the animosity faded and slowly turned into friendship. no one was on par with both the strongest.

until that one fateful night where gojo came all the way to kyoto, all bloodied and gaze wary. you'd had heard of his fight with toji and that he almost almost died.

you'd never forget the way his voice quivered that night while you held him in your arms.

"maybe if you had been there, everything would have been different. you're stronger than me, maybe you could've saved riko."

you'd never seen gojo this defeated. maybe because he knows that you share the burden of being the strongest along with him, he knows you would understand him out of everyone else.

and you do, thats why even when his best friend left him, he finds comfort in your arms and the soft words from your mouth.

"you can warp people's reality right?" gojo looks up from your arms and you don't like the sentence that would come next.

"can you warp mine? just for a while. only just a little while" his bright blue eyes now shadowed behind his tears, how could you say no?

you wave your hands and slowly gojo sees his best friend and the girl he couldn't save. they were laughing and playing around, life was good. but you weren't there with them.

when you withdraw your technique, gojo realises that despite all the people he lost, he still had you and for him, that was enough. perhaps his reality isn't all that bad.

he hopes you won't leave like the rest of them. this time, he hopes you really become stronger than him just so he wouldn't feel the pain of losing you, even if that made him selfish.

its the way i had to look at wanda scenes and ask my marvel fan friends for this ahahha i haven't kept up with the mcu ever since endgame this brought back lots of nostalgic memories :')

[briebysabs]

Since I am such a normal individual I’ve decided to attempt breaking down vanoé’s character song “Le Formidable”. I don’t hear much talk about it but the lyrics are just as cryptic and wild as the OP/ED.

Before we get into it, in terms of translation, I could only find one on YouTube that thankfully color-coded the lyrics so I could decipher who sings what. If anyone has any other translations, I’d love to know please. So a bunch of the lines you can kinda figure out who’s singing but here’s how it’s gonna be:

Vanitas =💙

Noé =💜

Vanoe= 💙💜

Simple enough let’s get into it :)

💜: /I want to stay in bed feeling the warmth of the sun and drift in and out of this sweet dream/

Already we’ve mentioned dreaming, a running theme in this song. There is the well-known line Teacher says in chapter 55...

Sleeping, specifically in regards to Noé, is something mochijun makes the audience take note. He can’t sleep without holding something. When he can’t fall asleep, it is highlighted like the night Vanitas rejected Noé drinking his blood. He doesn’t want Vanitas to disappear and I personally like how in the recent chapter, Vanitas stays by his side for a while. Almost like callback to that moment on the train but I’m getting carried away. You get the correlation I’m making, it’ll get very important later on.

We also have those warmth and sun connections to Noé, a large part of his character and Vanitas’ gravitation towards him.

💙: /With this grey weather today, this day will go by without any harmony/

We see Vanitas’ pessimistic outlook on life; grey, cloudy, devoid of color. Devoid of comfort and obviously these two contrasting people will clash but mix together throughout the song.

💜: /Tarte Tatin, Altus Paris! Endless interesting things!/

💙: /It’s always like this! Here and there, endlessly losing sight./

This seems pretty straightforward, Noé is getting distracted by all the wonderful things as usual and Vanitas chastises him. But let’s frame this another way, Noé is choosing to not focus. It’s simpler that way. He’s turning his focus elsewhere to better things, more pleasant things. And Vanitas is trying to wake him up. I’ll explain more in my theory soon.

💜: /What to look for today from this city/

💙: /Ah with all these things/

💙💜: /There is no time to rest/

Simple lyrics here. No comment.

💙💜: /Le formidable! Le formidable! It’s really easy. Just colliding, rolling down, and repeating again/

Here we are entering the chorus. There’s a common thread of repetition in every OP and ED in VnC. Like clockwork, these two have fallen into this pattern.

Colliding- Vanoé meeting, two worlds learning how to come together, joining as one

Rolling down- their downfall, incoming despair and tragedy

Repeating again- they find themselves back where they started, fated to be born and to die

Let me say the first part of my theory and keep this in the back of your head while remembering the lyrics: VnC is not a time loop in the traditional sense but rather a loop of memories. Also keep in mind the first ED Zero: “Now I remember, oh I have never lived a day without you. Untie the layer of memories...”

💙: /This worthless-/

💜: /wonderful-/

💙💜: /world we are walking on. Even not knowing is sometimes nice, right?/

Again, vanoé with different outlooks on life meet each other. But more importantly, we see the display of ignorance or blissful unawareness. We the audience have a vague idea on how this story ends and in a way, so do they. Vanitas knows very well he is doomed and has already entrusted Noé to end his life if it comes to it. But we also don’t know the specifics of their downfall and neither do they.

So this line has a double meaning that refers to the characters and the reader. As yeah it is nice to read vnc and enjoy the happy moments without knowing the painful details of what’s to come.

💜: /Over there something is flapping their wings/

💙: /And these uncountable days pass by. It’s not worth worrying about. So many unknown things, without meaning/

💜: /Escalier! I want to see the bright colors beyond!/

Noé, again giving his attention to supposedly insignificant things as Vanitas tends to see the larger picture, not caring for the mundane. Uncountable days can be matched with the grey weather mentioned earlier. But that also means things are murky, blur together, cloudy. They don’t make sense to Vanitas (such as love, his self-worth, the nature within people) while Noé wants to experience all the brightness of the world.

💙: /I told you to be quiet today, yet here we are!/

💜: /Now you loud person!/

💙💜: /I told you I hardly have time to breathe/

So, hypothetical scenario if we take this song literal: Vanoé is exploring the city because Noe wanted to Vanitas couldn’t say no. Vanitas is fed up and Noé thinks his complaints are aggravating. But this part shows a lack of understanding. They’re yelling about their own hardships but don’t see the other’s perspective.

💙💜: /Le formidable! Le formidable! It’s a simple thing. It’s just finding, losing sight and repeating again/

💜: /I want to dream/

💙: /It’s just a dream/

💙💜: /The world keep walking while not knowing the truth at this point/

Ok there’s a lot to dig our teeth in here. First of all, the finding, losing sight, repeating is another way of describing the colliding and rolling down said prior. Vanoe find each other, they lose each other, it’s fated to happen all over again. Now the big piece here, I want to dream/It’s just a dream. Surface-level interpretation > another instance of their differences. Noé wants be surrounded by dreams and wonder. While Vanitas looks at that beauty and scoff at it, since it isn’t real therefore not worth caring for. But if we read into this carefully, Noé wants to dream. He wants to stay in these memories, he doesn’t want to live in a world without Vanitas.

Let’s go back to OP 1: “I love this world and the light only you give me.”

We know OP 1 is Noe’s POV so let’s ask ourselves why would the Noé we are seeing, the one smiling at all the colors of the world say Vanitas is the only light he has (emphasis on “only”). Because the Noé singing the first OP is operating with far more knowledge and despair. We don’t know the truth at this point. “This world” is not real.

Allow me to offer what I think is happening. Noé and Vanitas meet, they go on this journey of understanding, trust, and love, Vanitas reaches his end and is killed by Noé. Noé lives on. We can tell the Noé writing this story is full of regret and sadness. But why is he writing this all down? He’s retelling the memories, putting them down physically on paper. Two things happened:

a) He exchanged his name with Naenia, wishing to remain in a world with Vanitas in it. Because that wish is still very present, Naenia has great interest in Noé. She mentions seeing him before in Louis but it could be a classic mochijun misdirect and it’s actually from receiving his name in a different iteration. There is that official art with Noé wearing Vanitas’ coat with that goat entity he saw in Gevaudan, pinned to his vest.

However this can only work if Naenia is still around and isn’t resolved/defeated in the memoirs.

b) This is more likely in my opinion. Noé uses the Books and the memoirs act as a catalyst for him to have the world become his memories or for him to live in them. I know only those with blue blood or something can use the books.

Which is why Dr. Moreau had those experiments with Vanitas and Misha. Don’t worry, I already have a theory that Archivistes are some form of blue moon vampires but that is a whole other discussion. Point is, I think the Books of Vanitas are like an Elliot sword situation. Yes, Elliot owns the Nightray sword and carries it around but you don’t know its true purpose in the story until Leo wields it.

Noé causes these memories to replay, perhaps to save Vanitas or simply to dream again. Go back to when he was last happy. But here’s the thing, the Noé in this memory is unaware or ignorant of this, sees his present world as the real one and undergoes the events of the series. Vanitas dies, he lives on, and creates a memory world for himself. Rinse, recycle, repeat. Essentially, the first ED gave it away. The entirety of VnC is a layer of memories. Even the narrator Noé we are hearing is a memory that is trying to manifest a world of his own.

Reality and dreams are all intertwined now and Noé got lost in it. There are leaks in the cracks, for example when Vanitas cries and tells Luna his mother died at childbirth why would he call to her. Initially, you can read this as he’s just missing what he never had. But what if Vanitas’ mother was present in his life 9 memory loops ago but because these memories get further from the truth the more it happens, Noé simply forgot that detail when making the memoirs at some point in time. So now, in the memory layer #52 Vanitas has no mother.

💜: /We will see what we “cannot see”/

💙: /We will know what we “don’t know”/

💙💜: /The final stop of this world that seems to be changing, seems only further ahead/

Noe’s line possibly goes into his Archiviste nature and how he experiences reading memories. It can as well build back into the dream/memory loop thing, he’s seeing things he can no longer “see.”

Vanitas’ line can be drawn to what Noé said during their fight.

Vanitas acts like he has the final word and has a full grasp of how this world/himself works. But he really doesn’t and Noé is living proof of that, proving him wrong on several occasions that there’s still hope, they can’t give up yet, he won’t leave him etc. The final stop of this world is changing, but it’s further ahead. This is a story, a preserved section of time from the past. We gotta ask ourselves... why would the last stop be changing? Again, Vanitas’ death is the final stop but it’s changing, perhaps from the countless iterations we’ve gone through Noé writes the memoirs in a way that delays the ending. So he could remain just a little longer…

💙💜: /Le formidable! Le formidable! Everything is fine. While forgetting, hiding, and repeating it/

💙: /This worthless/

💜: /wonderful/

💙💜: /world we are walking on/

💙: /I don’t know but even so/

💜: /If it can make you smile.../

After this, it ends the song by repeating the first chorus with the colliding-rolling down part so I’ll make this the cutting point. The “everything is fine” totally doesn’t stick out in a story where we know everything will not be fine. The forgetting and hiding goes back to my dream-memory theory, Noé is hiding from the truth in these stacks upon stacks of memories and is possibly forgetting things as they really happened as a result. We already know he isn’t the most reliable narrator. But Noé wants to see Vanitas’ smile.

If it can make you smile again, if it can replay your laughter, why would I ever leave this wonderful lie? In OP 1: “Your laughing was reflected by a daydream”.

I’ll conclude this by saying two things. If you want to get even deeper, you can interpret Vanitas in this song as the voice in the back of Noé’s head. Its just a dream, this world is actually worthless, and Noé is trying to drown out those thoughts. Because yeah they sing lines together but the only time they’re directly speaking to each other is when Vanitas scolds Noé and Noé shouts back, calling him loud. Finally, I could be wrong in all this. I am aware how crazy I may look and I'm so thankful if you read this far.

But yeah if this is anywhere near canon, mochijun must be the most unhinged, absolutely cracked author I’ve ever seen. We’re going into Pandora Hearts levels of intricacy here. I hope you enjoyed my insanity 👍🏼

[symphonybracket]

YouTube links: Mahler 2, Tchaikovsky 6

Comments:

Mahler 2

Have you ever wanted to feel like you're going to shake apart into a billion pieces if someone so much as looks at you. That's how I feel after listening to this beast. This symphony changed my life for real. It's famous for it's ending and for good reason!! It truly feels like your soul is getting blown up and steamrolled. Listening to it live was like getting peeled by god. It calls for 10 horns which is how you know it's going to fuck severely. It comes in 5 movements: good lord oh my god, hehe teehee, oh so that's why they call it the death shriek, crying on the floor for 5 minutes, and I Have Died. The part known as the "Death Shriek" is shown below! And if you're interested in learning more about the symphony, here's my favorite analysis website!

It's an everything in the universe piece and when I sang in the choir for it I think I actually ascended to a higher plane of existence for 15 minutes

I came across (imo) a good video giving a summarised background of Mahler 2, it’s called ‘Gustav Mahler - Symphony No. 2: Explained in 3 Minutes’ by orchestra of the music makers on YouTube

There is also a piano arrangement!

Tchaikovsky 6

Everyone bangs on about the 4th movement but it's the 3rd movement that really hits

tchaik 6 is what i would listen to if i had an hour to live

the 5/4 movement of the tchaik lives rent free in my mind and i think about it every day

It’s beyond gorgeous. The melodies soar, the orchestra swells, and you just need to lie down for a while after listening to it. It’s Romanticism at its zenith. You want to weep and sigh, and it’s impossible to listen to it without literally feeling something.

Symphony No. 6, titled “Pathétique”, was Tchaikovsky’s final symphony. It is an intensely emotional piece, and to many scholars demonstrates the emotional turmoil that characterized much of Tchaikovsky’s life. He died about a week after its premiere, a fact which leads many scholars to debate about whether the content of the piece itself reflects the possibility that he may have committed suicide. The title itself is often translated to mean “impassioned suffering”, although this was most likely a later addition by Modest and not actually part of Tchaikovsky’s vision. Given these facts, many scholars interpret this piece to be about death and suffering. However, this piece can also be seen to represent life and all its contrasting moments. This interpretation is more holistic and inclusive of all of the moments captured in this piece, and also serves to break down the common narrative of Tchaikovsky as a tragic figure.

More comments about Tchaikovsky 6 below the cut (length warning):

Scholarship surrounding Tchaikovsky’s music tends to focus heavily on the ways his confliction over his homoerotic desires appears in his writing. However, his personal letters reveal a much more balanced understanding of himself that goes beyond the common narrative. In one letter written to Modest describing a new relationship with another man, he writes: “I awoke today with a feeling of unknown happiness and with a complete absence of that emotional sobriety that used to make me repent in the morning for having gone too far the day before.” Many of the letters he wrote regarding his relationships demonstrate no shame and no anguish beyond what can be expected of a man living in a homophobic society. It is important to take this information into account when listening to a piece such as this one that has been discussed so frequently, and to understand it beyond the turmoil and strife that it is seen to represent. Like many of Tchaikovsky’s works, this symphony displays a range of human emotions. It is not only representative of tragedy and “impassioned suffering”; it is a depiction of what it is like to live. It is also interesting to note that this piece is used as a signifier of queer desire in the novel "Maurice" by E.M. Forster, a novel also notable for its radical portrayal of a queer man who gets a happy ending. Much to think about there.

The first movement begins with a lone bassoon soloist playing a plaintive minor melody, which later comes back in the strings. As the movement progresses, it grows in intensity and texture. More instruments are added, and the music becomes more frantic, building and building towards the dramatic trumpet fanfare. Throughout this piece, Tchaikovsky continues to make significant use of contrasting dynamics and melodies, reflecting the emotions he hopes to convey through the music. Dramatic, tumultuous sections are interspersed with pastoral woodwind melodies, and the angry brass fanfares give way to a quiet ending.

The second movement is reminiscent of a waltz, and uses the strings and woodwinds more than the brass to achieve its floating melodies. The dynamics ebb and flow to build tension, but this movement never reaches the same levels of anguish that the previous movement does. Tchaikovsky makes use of pizzicato in the strings to convey a lighter, more cheerful mood, and features the upper woodwinds prominently. He also repeats themes frequently, giving the audience something familiar to listen out for as the movement progresses.

The third movement begins with frantic energy in the strings and woodwinds. As more instruments join the rush of music, the underlying eight note accompaniment does not let up, continuing the vivacious beginning through the whole movement. Instruments pass the melodies between each other and engage in conversations across the orchestra. Like the first movement, the brass play a prominent role in creating dramatic climaxes in the music, as well as supporting the march-like conclusion. Conductor Myung-Whun Chung describes the deceptively dramatic ending as, “one of the greatest, most thrilling, but most empty of victories in musical history,” observing that this movement has the energetic finality of a final movement. The reversal of having the true finale be a slower movement represents a shift away from the “Beethovian model of light over darkness” common in most other symphonies of this time period.

As mentioned before, ending on a movement with a slow tempo was a significant shift away from the standard of the time. This innovation inspired many other future composers to use the same technique, most notably Mahler in his Ninth Symphony. The quiet beginning builds up towards a chaotic rush of fast runs throughout the orchestra, only to stop abruptly and continue in halting, cautious bursts of melody. The movement continues with this cycle of rushing up to a climax and backing away as the movement progresses. Tchaikovsky highlights the horns in this movement, giving them both angry, blaring notes which cut through the string melodies and the flowing, lyrical lines that are passed throughout the orchestra. As the piece ends, the instruments fall away until all that is left are steady repeated notes in the basses, bringing this lament of a movement to an understated close.

[srorgana1]

Honoring the Past

Rock Star Kylo Ren/Reader

Warnings: physical and mental abuse of a child, alcoholism, mentions of homophobia, and lots of complex emotions

Huge thanks to my amazing friend and Beta @mrs-zimmerman ❤️

A cackle of laughter hits Kylo’s ears as he enters D’Kar Studios. He smirks, settling his helmet on his hip as he sees Taylor "Trax" Johnson, DeeDee and the front desk clerk Amelia laughing jovially at something on Trax’s phone. It still amazes him how different it is here compared to First Order Records. He remembers how stuffy and by the book it was. There was no joy, no smiles, just cut-throat business practices and the music that fueled in. He thanks the deities above for letting him finally see the light and detach himself from that toxic black hole of a company.

DeeDee turns to him, a wide smile spreading across her face. “Hey Kylo” she says through giggles “you all are set up in Room #3 today.” He nods at them, and heads down the hallway. He turns left at the intersection and takes in the various awards and accolades adorning the walls. He sees their platinum award proudly displayed under a shadow box along with a vinyl sized picture of the front of the Trials and Errors album. It broke records in sales and downloads and won them multiple awards. It showed the industry that success could be done differently.

He scans the walls at the other awards from other artists proudly displayed alongside. It didn’t matter here if you were fresh off YouTube or one of the biggest names in the scene, you were treated equally with respect and kindness. You were part of the D’Kar family. Kylo can attest it’s a great fucking place to be.

He sees the record light lit above Room #3. Looking through the window his brows crinkle slightly in confusion. He was used to seeing you at the soundboard with your custom sparkly blue Bose headphones on. But no, you are in the studio room alongside D’Kar’s videographer Vincent recording Vic on your phone. Why is the record light on then if you're both in there? His hand squeezes the doorknob and twists, entering silently.

A wave of nostalgia hits him as the haunting melody of Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) floats on the cool air-conditioned air. His head snaps to the large window as Vic hits the strings of his acoustic guitar, transitioning into the well-known chorus.

It’s something unpredictable

But in the end, it’s right

I hope you had the time of your life

Kylo sets down his motorcycle helmet on the soundboard and leans on his hands, losing himself in a memory…

He is twelve years old, walking down the sun baked sidewalk. His worn and dirty Converse slap the concrete below, a size too small for his rapidly growing feet. The strap from his heavy book bag digs into his shoulder. He looks at the watch on his wrist. The cracked electronic screen blinking up the time. He cannot go home yet. His dad is still there.

The healing burns on his shoulder flares upon thinking about it. He shifts his bookbag away from them, hiding a wince. He got off easy this time and he knows it. He was dumb and thought he wouldn’t notice. He was wrong.

The sad thing is that it’s something he learned a long time ago through multiple bouts of blood, tears and broken bones. You cannot rely on or put your trust in others. It’s the only way for you not to get hurt.

So he continues on with no real destination. He could’ve stayed at school but it would have just raised more questions. He hated when they tried to pry. Just as much as the looks he got from the other kids, whispering snide comments on his height or his hair or his ratty clothes. He knew they would never truly understand. So he held it all in and walked, hoping someone or something would give him a sign that things would get better.

He stops under a shop awning to get a reprieve from the hot Arizona sun. He leans on the bricks, wiping his sweaty black hair out of his eyes. He watches the busy street, the cars and people heading here and there. The various shops bouldering the open air flea market across the street are buzzing with people. Maybe he could sneak in and grab a sandwich again. The nice lady who runs the arepas stand may turn a blind eye like she has before. His mind made up, he takes a step towards the flea market to be stopped in his tracks by the unique sound of music hitting his ears.

For some unknown reason, he turns and heads towards the music. It invades his senses, calling his soul forward. His dad never played music at home, only hateful talk radio. Said it reminded him of his good for nothing bitch of a mother. To be honest, Kylo doesn’t really remember her. She left when he was little. He totally gets why she left though. He just wishes she brought him with her. Anywhere had to be better than here.

He comes to a dingy little shop squished between the payday loan place and the barber shop. How has he missed it before when he has walked most of the streets on this side of town? Regardless, the music rings out the open door like a siren call. Kylo’s feet lead him closer. A small sign hangs overhead matching the peeling paint on the bay window. Corellia Records. The song changes to a more soulful tune, but still with as much power as the one before.

He stands at the threshold looking in cautiously. The space is small and dimly lit. Rickety shelves line the walls full of albums and other what he assumes is musical equipment. The back wall behind the glass counter has multiple instruments hanging. A portly greasy looking man in a stained gray t-shirt and an ill fitting fedora is standing by one of the tables, shuffling through a box while grumbling to himself.

Kylo shuffles in slowly, taking in more of the shop. The song ends as the man looks up at him. “What you need kid?” he says gruffly. Kylo immediately freezes and looks at his shoes, already able to feel this man’s agitation. “Um” he starts, suddenly wishing he had not entered. “Hey kid, it’s okay. What do you need?” the voice comes again. He can smell the man’s musty body odor as he takes a step towards him. He reactively flinches, pulling his book bag closer to himself.

He continues to stare at his shoes as the man sighs and shifts away from him, groaning as he sits on the stool behind the counter. It squeaks loudly under his weight. “You like music kid?” he asks, switching out the record on the record player and pulling a bag of Cheetos Puffs from below. The man opens the bag and shakes it towards him. The classic smell hits Kylo’s nose, making his mouth water almost instantly. “I can tell your hungry kid. Come and have some” he gruffs.

He eyes the man as he slowly walks up, placing his book bag on the floor and hopping up on the adjunct stool. The music is louder over here and seems to flow through him. He shuts his eyes as his body reacts to the emotion of the music. “You like Soundgarden kid? I feel this album is one of their best” the man says, placing the ripped open bag on the counter. Kylo grabs a couple and stuffs them in his mouth, moaning at the delicious taste of orange artificial cheese.

He takes a couple more before answering. “No, I don’t know who that is. I just, i don’t know… i just like it” he says in a small voice. The man hums to himself, taking a Cheeto for himself. “I feel ya there. Music has always spoken to me as well. Led me to some awesome places. Made me believe in the better of people.” Kylo looks up at him, strangely feeling a connection to this man. “I can tell by your eyes kid, you’re the same. My name’s Raf, what’s yours?”

Kylo sighs, rubbing a hand down his face. He doesn’t notice you, Vic and Vincent watching him with concerned eyes. He’s too lost in his memories.

Raf became the pseudo-father figure Kylo needed. So much more than his drunk of a father could ever dream of being. He offered Kylo a job at the shop, saying he couldn’t pay him much but it was there if he wanted it. Kylo took him on his offer instantly. From only a couple of interactions, he found out that Raf had once been in a band, playing guitar and bass. Left the band years ago over creative differences and used the royalties to open the shop. He always said he felt he was meant to give back and help inspire the next generation.

He taught Kylo how to appreciate the classics. The Beatles, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Patsy Cline, Queen, Chuck Berry, The Stones, The Eagles, ACDC, Led Zeppelin, Kiss, Tom Petty, The Cure, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Leadbelly. Showed him how musical influences never really change, they just meld and flow into the next generation. Just like the notes on the wind.

They figured out a schedule, with Kylo working the four days his father worked the late shift. He would race there after school, working the counter and unpacking boxes as Raf quizzed him on music history. He then started teaching Kylo how to play keyboard and then eventually guitar, saying learning both would instill the notes in faster. He was gruff but fair in his style of teaching but never cruel, allowing Kylo to make the necessary mistakes without judgment.

As the years went on, his home life got worse. There were multiple times he would come in battered and bruised. Raf would fix him up and then would let him stay in the back, popping open a cold Jarritos for him. He would give him a pained look before leaving Kylo to the boxes.

At fourteen, Raf recommended Kylo to play at the local Cantina’s open mic night. Said it would be good for him to try it out and to test out his skills in front of others. Kylo will never forget that night for as long as he lived. He stood backstage at Los Nopales, his body wracked with nerves. He remembers shaking and his sweaty hand almost staining the wooden neck of his borrowed guitar.

His name was called followed by some random applause. He took a shuddering breath and walked out under the spotlight, sitting on the stool and attempting to fix the microphone to his height. It squeaked and slid all the way down, hitting the guitar with a thud. A couple people laughed and shook their heads. He fixed it quickly, his cheeks burning hot. He looked up and saw Raf by the bar, his rotund self settled on a bar stool. He nodded at him with kind eyes, silently saying you can do this.

He nodded back and focused on the feeling of the guitar in his hands. The sound of bottles clicking and the low murmur from the crowd. It’s oddly centering. He shuts his eyes and lets himself be enveloped by the energy. He strummed the opening chords, letting himself get lost in the notes. Letting the music carry him away. His rendition of Wanted Dead or Alive by Bon Jovi brought the crowd to their feet. He left the stage with a smile on his face and his heart full to see Raf’s face full of pride among the others.

He played there off and on, often on weekends. He would sneak out after his Dad passed out or left for the bar, hopping on the bicycle Raf gave him. Raf was almost always there when he performed, a glass of cold beer in front of him and a big grin on his face. It was something that struck Kylo to the core. How good it felt to have someone believe in him.

But life decided to remind Kylo of his reality. One weekend afternoon when Kylo thought his old man was out cold, he left and headed to the shop. The hot dry air hit his face as he petaled down the street, excited for his shift.

He recently had gotten into a couple newer bands: Foo Fighters, Green Day and Linkin Park. Raf had laughed and rolled his eyes when he caught Kylo rocking out in the back to them, saying how much he could hear Depeche Mode and Rage against the Machine in their sounds. Regardless, he let Kylo order some along with some other bands and they were due to be delivered today.

Kylo parked his bike and chained it up, concerned with the yelling from inside the shop. The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end at the sound of a familiar voice. Please no, he prayed as he slowly walked out of the alley and to the front door. His heart sank in his chest to see his wreck of father cornering Raf by the counter, a threatening finger in his face. Raf stared down the irate man, his large face stoic. His eyes catch Kylo behind him, worry flashing in his dark brown irises.

“I knew you were coming here boy” his father snarled, turning from Raf to him. His feral anger emanated from him as he cracked his neck. “When I heard from Pedro that he saw you playing at the Cantina, I knew this is where you were sneaking off to you little shit” Kylo gulped and watched him in fear as he began to pace. It was a sign of bad things to come.

“C’mon man, he’s just a kid” Raf said, pushing himself off the counter. “DON’T TELL ME HOW TO RAISE MY BOY!” his father roars, knocking a box of vinyls to the floor. Kylo winced at the sound of them smashing to pieces. “You come here now” he snarled. Kylo took a breath, knowing he cannot get out of this. If he fights it’ll be ten times worse. He walked up to his father slowly, yelping when his hair was grabbed roughly. “You will never come back here” he voice getting louder “you will never play at that Cantina again and you will never see this fat fucking faggot ever again. Do you understand me!?”

As much as Kylo was scared, he couldn’t take his eyes off Raf. The pain in his eyes mirrored his. He suddenly knew why Raf had been so nice to him at the beginning. He had experienced this. He had his own abuser and was reliving it with Kylo.

It gave Kylo the strength to do what he needed to do. He pulled away, hissing through the pain of his hair being ripped out at the root. He shut his eyes and swung, colliding with his father’s jaw. A shot of pain shoots through his hand and up his arm. He groaned through ragged breaths, holding his arm to his chest. “Ky” a gruff voice said. The voice of his anchor through all this fucking bullshit.

He opened his eyes to see Raf’s eyes wet with tears and his father out cold on the floor. His arm throbbed hotly. “I’m calling the cops Ky, this needs to end” Raf said as he rounded the counter, heading for the back. It was then that Kylo noticed a silvery scar under the tattoo on Raf’s neck, so similar in shape and size to ones he had on his shoulder. “How’d you get out Raf?” Kylo grits out through the stabbing pain. “Music my boy, and I suggest you do the same,'' he responded softly. Kylo nodded as he watched Raf’s wide body disappear behind the wall.

The cops came quickly, escorting both Kylo and his father to the hospital. They set Kylo’s broken hand and arm and questioned him about what happened. He told them everything. They wrote down everything, giving him that pitied look. He hated it. They escorted him home so he could get his meager belongings and was thankfully sent to stay with Raf until the trial.

During that time he recommended Kylo to file for emancipation. He was plenty old enough to and met the qualifications with a job to support himself and had a place to stay. Why not, Raf had said, you’re more of a man now then your father ever was. It was a better option than getting sent to some shitty foster care setup until he aged out.

The courts took their time, but ultimately granted Kylo his emancipation and his father a prison sentence. He continued to play at open mics and work odd jobs along with the shop. He was happy for once. He was doing what he loved and had someone who believed in him.

The day after his sixteenth birthday, Raf told him of an opportunity of a lifetime. It was a job at Raf’s cousin’s restaurant in Los Angeles which came with a small studio apartment and a promise he could perform at every open mic night there. Raf knew it was Kylo’s dream to have his name in lights, to play his guitar for the masses. LA is where music and dreams are made and Kylo deserved to get his shot. He graciously accepted, crying into Raf’s shoulder. He helped Kylo prepare, all the while giving random snippets of advice and pointers on the music industry there.

On a hot April morning, Raf drove Kylo to the bus depot. They sat side by side on the bench until his bus was called. He told Kylo to wait a moment as he huffed and puffed back to his car. Kylo stood there confused with his small tattered duffle bag and second-hand suitcase. As Raf turned back, he saw a familiar leather case. He knew inside was Raf’s vintage Fender, the same one he learned to play on.

Kylo tried to decline but Raf refused to take no for an answer, saying it was his now and to make him proud with it. He hugged him and thanked him, promising he would do his fucking best. He hopped on the bus with teary eyes, and watched his guardian angel fade as the bus pulled away.

He never saw Raf again. He passed away two years later from heart failure. By that time Kylo was in deep working for First Order, working himself to the bone to show he was worthy. He only found out when he and the guys went for drinks at the old cantina he used to work at to celebrate their work on the StarKiller album.

Sergio, Raf’s nephew who was now the manager, let Kylo drink on the house after telling him the news. As much as the other guys tried to lift his spirits, he wallowed miserably in tequila and whiskey. Truly in mourning of his first true friend and mentor. The only one who knew the whole story at the time was Vic so he lifted a glass, toasting the man. Speaking the words Kylo held in his heart but couldn't put into words.

The memories fade as the weight of arms wrapped around his shoulders along with a pair of soft lips kissed his cheek. "Ky, baby what's wrong?" your soft voice says, full of concern. He shakes his head, finally feeling the wetness on his cheeks. "Just memories baby girl, don't worry about it" he says, turning in your arms and tucking his head in your shoulder. He feels your nails scratch at his scalp in an attempt to calm him. He knows you know the story. He told you everything. He takes a shuddering breath, attempting to compose himself.

"Kylo, I am so sorry man. I know how much that song means to you. We thought we would’ve been done by the time you got here…" Vic says coming up to them, his blue eyes full of emotion. Kylo looks up at him, giving him a warm smile through teary eyes. He knows Vic is telling the truth. He should’ve been more prepared than he was. It was known he was playing that song today, with it being one of the most requested songs on their social media poll. But like always, it hit him right in the heart and sucked him in.

"I know Vic" he says releasing you, wiping one of his red rimmed eyes with his hand. "It's on me, not you. But I can definitely say your performance was moving." Vic gives him a sad smile, finally taking a seat on the couch as you stand by his side. "How about we break for lunch and then you can do yours Ky. I can have Rae move up our order" you say, clicking a couple keys on the sound board.

His mind still swims with visions of the past: of Raf's happy tear filled eyes when he performed for the first time, of his gruff laugh and affinity for odd but comforting snacks, the last hug they shared at the bus depot. He looks over at his guitar sitting in its case next to Vincent on the couch. Obviously more worn but still the same. His only memento of the man who changed his life for the better.

"No, no I have to do this" he says, kissing the top of your head and turning to grab the guitar case. He sees you nod as you take a seat at the soundboard, your hands fidgeting with your headphones. "You want me to record it for you?” Vic asks, shaking his phone in his hand. Kylo nods as he heads into the studio. He hears Vic and Vincent follow him in. He looks over to see you blow him a kiss through the glass. He catches it and puts it on his chest with a soft smile.

He scans the studio room, deciding to sit on a tall metal stool that was discarded in the corner. He grabs it and moves it to the front of Vincent, setting himself atop it. He feels he’s right back in that dim music shop, learning his chords alongside Raf. He tunes his guitar, almost able to feel his spirit with him.

His fingers stop, his mind offering a silent thank you. He looks up and nods to you. He sees Vic and Vincent start recording as the record light goes on. "Hey all this is Kylo from the Knights of Ren, thanks for joining us for our newest segment of Classic Covers. I would like to thank each and every single one of you for your continued support of the band and we hope you like and subscribe to the channels below." He has to tell himself not to roll his eyes when Vic cracks a wry smile at him for once following the approved script.

"This next one is really special to me for a lot of reasons and I would like to dedicate it to Rafael Hernandez Corellia and his family. He meant more to me than I could ever express in words. So in memory of him, this is Fell on Black Days by Soundgarden." His calloused fingers hit the strings, starting into a song that lives in a part of his heart. His version is gritty and passionate, so much like Raf. He feels tears prick his eyes as reaches the end, barely noticing the growing group of people in the ajoining room. All amazed at the outpouring of emotion from him.

He strums the final notes, giving the camera a tearful smile and wave. Vic stops recording and immediately rushs over to give him a hug. He grunts as Vic’s body hits him, pushing the guitar into his gut. He ignores the discomfort and wraps an arm around him, holding his friend close.

A series of applause and cheers come through the speakers when they release. He looks up to see over half the staff and a couple other artists all giving him a standing ovation. You are standing in the middle with tears streaming down your face.

His eyes hold yours and can feel your love emanating from them. He can barely hear you whisper I love you over the crowd but it’s there. He lets the tears finally flow. He has honored Raf in the best way he knew how. He has you and his band mates and his friends. He has D'Kar. He has honestly and truly made his dreams come true.

soooo...yeah that happened. How ya all doing?! Lemme know what you think here or on A03 ❤️

You can find the whole collection here including the original story:

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JUNE DEV LOG : “FASHIONABLY LATE”

Hi! I already wrote this entire dev log but I closed the tab by accident, so it's now 10:55pm and I'm going to try and speedrun writing something that took me an hour to write.

For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, you should already know what the gist is here I've been saying this for 6 months.

if you don't know what this is or are confused on what HYPERSOMNIA is read the other dev logs i've said this like every time lol

So, just as a heads up this log isn't going to be super long with new content because I have been insanely busy these last few months! I just graduated High School and the last few months have been me cramming to make sure I pass and could graduate and now I am!!! Yay!!!

I won 2 awards at my grad (One of them being excellence in arts :D) and the other I was given a check for 200$ so I snagged one of these!

Super happy I finally got a display tablet for drawing, I've wanted one of these since I was like 14 and it feels awesome to have one now. I got this thing super cheap too, this thing usually goes for like 300-350 Canadian and I got it for 130! Super super happy about this.

That's all from me personally, but I would like to say just as 1 last thing before the updates, Happy Pride Month to all who identify as LGBTQ+, I myself am queer and just want to remind all of you that you are loved and accepted. Hopefully I can get this out before midnight so it's still pride month LOL

OK! NOW FOR UPDATES! I don't have too much to share today but I do have somethings I want to show off.

First things first, I've been respriting some characters! Ross and Jack are the biggest edits I've made so far so I'd like to show them off.

(Left is old, and right is new!)

Ross' walking sprites were updated! I was kind of dissatisfied with how Ross looks like he's struttin' everywhere so I redid it to give him a more casual walk. I'm very happy with this change and I plan for it to be the base walking animation going forward. I also updated his side profiles slightly to look closer to the key art I illustrated.

Jack also had his idles redone! He I think was the biggest thing I needed to resprite, his old sprite is kind of cluttered and poorly detailed so for his new one I simplified a lot of the shading and reshaped his hair and mask. I think it came out really well.

Also, just earlier I was working on music for the game.

I'm really happy with how this came out, I just got high and made Half-Life music (Which is what I was aiming for LOL)

Hopefully I can get to a point where I can finish off the soundtrack for the demo and post it all. Some friends of mine were a bit sad I delisted the tracks I had up initially so I hope to get those up again soon.

I've also been storyboarding out some early game cutscenes, I can't show a lot because it's all a bit spoiler-y but I will put this in the log.

And one last thing too, THE MOTHER DIRECT!

on July 27 at 6PM ET, MOTHER FOREVER will be hosting the MOTHER Direct, which HYPERSOMNIA is a part of!

There'll be a ton of indie games, fan projects, and other things relating to or inspired by the MOTHER series! Please give it a watch if you can. If you can't make it, the event will remain on MOTHER FOREVER's YouTube channel, and I'll be uploading HYPERSOMNIA's trailer on YouTube, Twitter, Steam, and here. If you do catch the stream or end up watching it after, leave a comment! Tell 'em Ferris sent ya. Do it, or I'll cry. I'm expecting at least 1 "Ferris sent me!" or I'll cry. I swear, I will do it!

If this is your first log you're reading, or even your first time seeing ANYTHING relating to HYPERSOMNIA, I got a whole bunch of links for you to check out if you wanna know more about me and my stupid little game.

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

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[taeyeonschild]

╰┈➤ ❝ [straykids as fanboys] ❞

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pairing: no pairings. they don’t actually know you

genre: fluff, point form hcs

contains: uhhh…. fanboys!

cw: none

A/N: i like this idea a lot, but i didn’t really now what to write for some of them…. hopefully this is somewhat decent? but i have more stuff coming out soon, which i am a lot more confident with!!!

Bangchan

➙ he is quite famous in your fandom for his youtube channel, where he records covers of all of your music.

➙ you interact with his covers quite often! he tries his hardest to remain calm, and casual, but internally he is freaking out!

➙ fans constantly request collabs, you’ve seen it requested so much that you’ve actually considered the idea! maybe one day you will work together! (at least he hopes so)

➙ he is a huge supporter of everything you do. fans who don’t know you personally, would probably think that you and chan are friends

➙ he is very active in the community, and he interacts with you on a fairly regular basis

Minho

➙ he doesn’t hesitate to spend money on you

➙ he has many of your albums, and merchandise, but he rarely ever talks about you.

➙ people will go to his house and be stunned by the posters on his walls, since they never even knew he was a fan before.

➙ he’s not embarrassed by it, he just prefers to fanboy on the inside.

➙ (if you make any asmr content) he seems like the type to listen to it at times when he’s super tense, to help him relax, and sleep.

Changbin

➙ he goes to every concert, and somehow, ALWAYS shows up on the dancecam

➙ his face has been seen so many times that fans start to recognize him

➙ if your music ever plays on the radio, or in a store somewhere, he immediately drops what he’s doing and drops the whole routine

➙ does he care if people watch? NO! why should he 🤷‍♀️ it’s only embarrassing if he messes up the choreo, (which NEVER happens)

Hyunjin

➙ he knows EVERY SINGLE ONE of your dances. he might not even know the words to your songs, but you know as soon as he hears that beat drop, bro becomes a dancing machine

➙ he is likely a part of a dance group

➙ attends random play dances, and gets so excited when one of your songs plays

➙ hyunjin totally posts dance videos online, he likely has a youtube channel solely for that purpose

➙ he even posts slowed + mirrored versions, to help teach others the choreo.

➙ he might also be a fan artist, but i feel that he’d be a bit of a perfectionist about his art, and would be too scared to show any of it online… :(

Han

➙ something about him gives off editor vibes

➙ i think he’d have a tiktok account, solely for edits of you/your group

➙ he spends hours on AE producing mouth watering edits

➙ he’s got quite a decent following aswell

➙ you interacted with his account once, and he FREAKED. he swears it was the best moment of his life

➙ MAYBEEEE secretly writes fan fiction???

➙ but even if he doesn’t write it. he DEFINITELY reads it…. (we’ve all seen the clip where he seemed to understand the term “omega”….. meaning he HAS read fan fiction at least some point in his life.)

Felix

➙ lix is a super fan, and he is proud to be one. he’s not ashamed, why should he be? 🤷‍♀️ he thinks you’re cool, and if other people have a problem with that, that’s not felix’s issue to solve!

➙ he has binders full of your/your group’s pcs

➙ he trades online for rare ones

➙ he has every version of every album you’ve ever released, and he keeps them proudly displayed on his shelf.

➙ his walls are covered in posters of you/your group

➙ he giggles when he hears you mentioned, and would jump on ANY opportunity to talk about you and your music

➙ he is BROKE because of you

Seungmin

➙ he pretends not to care about you, in fear of being teased by his friends, but secretly he is a HUGE fanboy

➙ he has secret accounts on social media, where he can follow you, and interact with content related to you/your group, while still remaining anonymous

➙ he has a few of your albums, but he keeps them hidden underneath his bed

➙ his pcs are his prized possessions, but when he has people over they hide in his sock drawer

➙ when he hears your music in public he often catches himself accidentally nodding his head, or tapping his foot to the beat.

➙ he is quick to defend himself, before he is even called out for it “i just like the music that’s why i’m dancing. i don’t even know this song.” what a liar

Jeongin

➙ he goes to EVERY meet and greet. he’d drive hours just to attend

➙ you’ve seen him so many times that you remember his name. it almost feels like you are friends at this point

➙ he’s always super respectful, so it’s exciting when you see him at different events.

➙ he likes to bring you gifts which you always appreciate.

➙ he has gained a large following online for posting about his interactions with you. and you always repost his videos! (which makes him cry tears of happiness).

➙ he also likes to post unboxing videos of all of your albums! (if you are in a group) he gets so excited when he pulls you! his followers love to see his reactions.

[the-haunted-office]

✨ Deep interests for thursday!

Make my muse talk about one of their...

Thursday's eyes get huge, round like dinner plates. She whips her phone out of her pocket and starts pulling up her playlist of saved videos on YouTube to show you her favorite pimple-popping videos...

Then she stops about halfway through that process, presses her lips together, sighs, and puts her phone back into her pocket in disappointment because it dawns on her that most people don't want to hear about that kind of thing, much less watch videos about it.

A smile springs back onto her face seconds later, though, because of course Thursday has more than one deep interest and it doesn't take long for her to launch into that direction.

"Okay, so, books, right? I love reading them, and I especially love reading horror books!" she says, grinning a sort of manic grin, her teeth on full display, eyes lit up with nothing less than pure joy. "I don't know why, it's just something about the excitement and dread that gets me. Like, I don't particularly care if there's a lot of descriptive guts and gore, that's not really gets me, because that stuff's just there for the gross factor, if you know what I mean. That's not what horror really is to me, although technically it is horror and to someone else it would be horror. To me, though? Horror is about getting inside your head and fucking around with you a little bit, ahahaha. You know? Getting in there and freaking you the hell out. Making you wonder what's really going on. Touching all the little parts of you that make you shiver and move and feel things involuntarily. It's about making you go to bed thinking about what you just read and thinking, 'damn, man, that kind messed me up a little bit' and then waking up in the morning and thinking, 'damn, man, I'm still kind messed up a little bit'... and then going back to read more, because there's something addicting about it. You just gotta keep reading, because you gotta know how it all ends. For better or worse, you gotta know. You sicko, you just have to know how these people die, don't you? Hehehe. Or maybe they don't die. Maybe they make it out alive, and they're all just fucked up a little bit at the end. Fucked up a lot. Whatever the case may be, they're fucked up by the end of it, because how could they not be? They just experienced some traumatic stuff. Some life-altering shit just happened to them, of course they'd be messed up for life. Or at least, they'd better be, whether it's physical or mental or emotional, or some combination of all the above. That's the horror of life, isn't it? Life translated into a horrific physical thing, chewed up, and spat back out into the image of some monster or beast or cosmic horror that's incomprehensible but it's come back to harm us all the same. Life is no longer an intangible thing that only kills us when it's over for us, it's out to get us, and you'd better run or fight back. That's what it's all about, baby!"

Thursday is breathing a little hard by the end of all this, and the manic look has only grown. She seems to realize this, because there's a real physical effort on her part to rearrange her features into something a little bit more calm and acceptable to a crowd.

She smiles sweetly. "I mean, it's just a really cool genre to read about, to see all the messed up things going on in people's heads and how they put it all down on paper. In my opinion."

[th3-0bjectivist]

The Salvation Day Interviews (1 of 2) with musician Anthony Tadlock

     Dear listener, as a special treat and for the edification of music lovers all over Tumblr this is part 1 of 2 of my Salvation Day Interviews with Anthony Tadlock, A.K.A. t-underneaththeradardancing on Tumblr. Mr Tadlock, I recently spent several hours listening to Salvation Day. Thanks for agreeing to answer some questions about your band’s music. 

    When I dive headlong into music that I’m not too familiar with there’s always this sense of discomfort, but when I started with Mercy from your EP, The Backdoor Sessions, I felt distinctly like I was sitting in a new bar and listening to an exceedingly talented local band perform live. I know we’ve discussed this one-on-one before, but for the peeps on Tumblr, what was the actual genesis of SD, and how did you and Ms Vita Rhie Quintanilla meet? What was the spark that brought you two together to record in the first place?

     to set the stage - so to speak - i had been performing with and jamming and hanging with a young musician - very loose no muss fuss - 3 weeks before meeting vita i had a mild heart attack - mild but the hospital experience was literally a nightmare and nearly killed me - a couple weeks after getting out i was invited over to play/ jam/hang out - wuz expecting at most a couple other ppl to b there - btw to digress - t is very much an introvert - to digress further - t is a stage name but the only name ppl in the music aspect of my life know me by or call me - anywaves - i had just set up my guitar and amp when i could feel a presence coming down the stairs - a young woman - at 1st i guessed 25- ish which would make her the 2nd oldest in the room - she looked at a painting of crows and i said something to her about my love of corvids - i was improvising on guitar - some blues - i think a bass player was playing along and maybe another guitar - she started singing improvising lyrics and we started riffing off each other - her voice blew me away - then she started playing her original songs - omfg ! - anyway - i hoped that we would play together again

     a couple weeks later she walked into Madrone Art Bar where i frequently played open mics -she was with my friend - both joined me on stage and we did what i call "deep space nine " which is what i called any unplanned unrehearsed collaboration onstage - i of course could not remember her name - she handed me a business card lol - she told me she had a weekly gig at a cafe i had performed at and would i like to join her - by this time i knew she was diagnosed w schizoaffective disorder - that she was 17 still in high school and a witch - we started performing together playing her gigs - open mics - on the street ...there is of course more to the story which may be covered as we go on

    I went through every song on Salvation Day’s YouTube page, the instrumentals and the voice go very well together, and I must admit, there is great synergy on display. You two had me mesmerized a few times, particularly with tunes like Para Ti and Reincarnation. Tell me, do the instrumentals come first, or do the lyrics/vocals come first, or somehow both at the same time? What goes into the process before you record?

     virtually all of salvation day songs are mostly vita - the lyrics in particular - some have come out of improvising at gigs - or as vita would say - we are just gonna pull something out of our ass now - some she has already "arranged " before i hear them others she asks me to figure out some chords and key - it should be noted that after graduating high school she moved to davis ca about 100 long miles away with no good way of getting there and back on public transit - required bus ride - a subway ride and finally a train and took 3 hours - neither of us drive though she recently learned - t cant see for shit so - and there was lots of drama in the summer preceding - however we rarely felt the need to rehearse - at early gigs i would ask whats the 1st chord and what key - sometimes the answer was - idk - jimi hendrix chords lol - sometimes they were jazz chords i didnt know - i still play a lot of chords im not quite sure the name of and double stops that suggest a chord - on a good night i play by ear and improvise mostly - when we decided we were gonna make an album - we formalized the arrangements and figured out keys etc ...

     sometimes - like last week when we got together after not playing together in a couple months - tho exchanging some snippets thru email text etc - vita thought of some lyrics on the spot - i started playing some chords - we fucked around w it a bit - made a rough recording on fones and will see if something comes of it - Reincarnation was written just before we met - vita says the songs morphed and become different thru my influence - Para Ti she had come up with a couple months after we started playing together - we were at the friends house - and he had become totally indisposed - we were supposed to start the recording process that day - we waited around to see if he would improve and she started playing it - i came up w the lead guitar lines - btw to digress to q 1 - vita was often in and out of hallucinations and delusions at the time - she has no memory of the 1st time we met and hazy about the beginning period - one last example Mercy - written entirely by vita - tho my guitar was central - she sent me an audio file - it has chords i dont know - i just followed her voice and elaborated - tbh i still dont know what key it is in lol - like jack sparrow eluding capture we just make it up as we go

    Do you have any advice for aspiring musicians out there based on your experiences with SD so far? Have you had any creative blocks or serious problems when generating new music? If so, how do you get through them, and what do you think the most important thing is for a musician to do when they feel discouraged or dejected by their own bad experiences with music making?

     whew - thats a tough one - i have been playing guitar for almost 60 years - been in a number of bands and playing situations - have been discouraged countless times - most recent was the whole experience of recording a studio album with a producer - it was hugely stressful for myriad reasons and ego deflating and not in a good way - we coped w that by recording the Backdoor Sessions ep - the bulk of was recorded in a couple hours in vita's tiny dorm room using garageband - it was done without rehearsal - and we played 2 gigs in january that we were happy with also w no rehearsal - we also released vita's book The Schizophrenic Dialogues - all while covid was rearing its ugly head - no gigs to promote anything - no spoken word opportunities - vita was in terror of infecting me - between age COPD and heart i was a likely candidate to die - so we saw each other rarely

     i had invested a huge amount of $ in the studio album - to cope vita started a collective based on Sacred Arts Productions - a jewelry biz and an art biz - i worked w our web designer / friend / collaborator maggie umber to get our web site up - and started recording daily snippets for instagram and spammed the fuck out of tumblr - vita and i met mostly outdoors - playing mostly acoustic where the chances of infecting me were minimized (she got covid twice during this period ) so i guess my advice is 1) forget the ego and bullshit that goes w doing - anything - but particularly the creative 2) forget about "success" and numbers - sales/listens/hearts...3) just keep on keepin on - that said it aint easy sometimes - i been playing as i said almost 60 years - theres still so much i dont know - i try to learn new things and ways almost daily - just showing up is sometimes a victory

     Listen to Salvation Day on Youtube. Back at the end of the next week with part 2 of my Q&A with Mr Tadlock. If you liked this post, please spread the word about SD and consider reblogging this set of interviews. And if you haven’t done it yet, scroll to the top of this post and smash play!

[yukidragon]

Hi yuki! You are my favorite sdj writer and I really love your theories and headcanons.

I want to tell you a theory about nick and I want to know what you think.

For some reason youtube recommended a video about the psychology of porn actors and it made me think of nick, he is a male dominator, i think he may have an only fans where he uploads videos of him having sex with other people or playing with sex toys.

I feel that him work may affect him personal relationships, the people don't want to date workers from the porn industry and if they do it's out of interest, I wouldn't be surprised if Nick had a bad time because of it, and if he tries to hide from us what is his job? fearing that we will think badly about him or try to take advantage of him?

I feel that Nick is afraid of being judged for his work and that they only see him as a porn actor and not for who he is, that they only want him to have sex but nobody wants to know the person he really is, reminds me in part of jack, after all they saw him as a pretty face and sexualized him despite being an actor on a children's show, I would not be surprised if the few relationships that joseph and nick could have were only for their appearance and their partners would not be interested in who they really were.

maybe nick just wants a friend or partner who loves him for who he is and doesn't just want to have sex with him.

well that's all, I hope you could understand all my english is not very good ^^'

Awww, thank you so much! That really makes me happy to hear that you enjoy my writing and theories.

Don't worry about your English. You did just fine, and your insight into Nick is really great. You've given me so much to think about.

You know what, I think you might be onto something with this theory. While I did come up with a theory that Nick is a yandere (along with all the other love interests) as well as a stalker, this is a much more likely scenario for where his story is going to go.

A major theme to the game is the entertainment industry and how it affects people. As you pointed out, the interview with Dan showed that celebrities like Jack are treated pretty poorly. There's almost this sense of entitlement people have towards them. Just because they're a public figure, the public can mistakenly believe they're to personal details or even an intimate relationship with that person, or at least to the person they assume them to be.

Nick, being someone who does sex work, even if just remotely online, would no doubt face people who felt entitled to him on a much more personal level without actually knowing him personally. He's the sexy dom, making money doing sexually explicit shows for his fans, holding contests where one lucky fan gets a one-on-one session with him, as we've heard in an audio drama posted on the Snaccpop Studios Patreon.

The person an actor portrays isn't the person they really are, and the feelings/beliefs/etc. they display might not align. Even this sexy dom personality he portrays might not be what he actually wants from a sexual partner. What he might want in his actual sex life is to be a submissive letting a dominant take control. It could just be acting like a dom online simply works for him to make a living.

It's entirely possible that MC catches Nick's eye because they're a cute person who doesn't know about his double life. They don't recognize his online persona, so they'd get to know him as Nick the shy guy in the yogurt shop, not as the sexy dom who streams pornographic content. He would get the chance to be, well, himself with someone, without them getting a mistaken impression about who he really is. That would make the idea of dating that cute cashier very appealing, I'd say.

Nick, or any actor really, will have trouble dating people who know them as their celebrity self first and their personal self later. There would be expectations based off this projected personality that might not live up to the real person on screen. Heck, it might be another reason why Ian is so desperate to get MC back after his affair. MC knew Ian before became an actor and model after all.

Jack seems to be embracing his persona in order to get love and - judging by the worst ending in the yogurt mini-game - he doesn't want to be anything but that character people saw him as. That persona was loved, but the real person behind the persona... well, it might not have been.

Nick could be self-conscious about what someone would think of him as, well, himself. The persona he plays is adored by many, but what about his awkward shy self? Would he be able to find love when he's not putting on an act?

Of course, at this point we don't know for sure how much of Nick's personality is that dom persona and how much is the shy one we saw in the demo. Which is the mask, and which is the real Nick? Are they both just different masks for different situations and the real Nick is someone we haven't even seen yet? For now all we can do is headcanon until the game comes out...

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur

[burningblizzard224]

ADHD

#2

Another often attribute of ADHD is the hyper fixation of a certain thing.

This can be a game, person, YouTube Channel, a fandom etc.

For example legos, cars, DSMP, Minecraft

Though often these are temporary.

You’ll go through a phase of liking something, and eventually you’ll move on to the next hyper fixation.

People who have gone from Hamilton to Epic, legos to working on Cars, from one show/character to another.

However the most impactful but least talked about is the people one.

Famous people, actors, YouTubers, all of those are on thing.

But this also applies to people in your personal life.

Especially love life.

You can be so fascinated with a person for literally years, but you can feel you’re losing it.

Your emotions for them much like the legos collecting on the selves.

You keep them, you do love them, and are happy to display them.

But you don’t actually build legos anymore.

There’s no new builds, no new experiences.

And when you force yourself to make another Lego, you feel it’s a chore.

Another date becomes another thing you have to think about doing.

Even though you went out with friend(s) and had a blast.

The hardest part is that you don’t do it on purpose.

It hurts when you realize you’re hurting someone and it never crossed your mind.

Your own mind equates an object, activity and a person at the same level.

You play games for hours because you love to play games.

You don’t give them attention not because you hate them.

A mentality so short sided in a current task that you can “hyper focus” on it, but lose everything around.

Then how do you explain that?

“I’m sorry, I was so focused on this game, that you (the person I’m supposed to be loving) didn’t even cross my mind for almost an entire day.”

Often that doesn’t go well.

So you say you’re sorry.

You’re sorry for not giving them attention.

You’re sorry that your mind couldn’t just stop focusing at what you were doing to make a more reasonable choice.

Not that this is an excuse.

But more than anything, you don’t mean to chose it.

You don’t mean to hurt one thing by doing another.

This breaks down on so many small levels, that you constantly feel as though every conscious, or even subconscious choice is wrong.

So you say you’re sorry.

You’re sorry that you don’t understand the difference between a person, an action and an item.

You just want to have a break but now what mentally relaxes you is becoming a chore.

And you don’t know how to stop this one.

There’s no off button, there’s no closing the box.

[rowzeys]

My Favorite Gadgets: Cellphone, Tablet, and Camera - How I Use Them Daily

Technology has become a big part of our lives, and for me, a few gadgets stand out for their functionality, convenience, and versatility. I want to share with you my top three favorite devices: my cellphone, tablet, and camera. Each of these gadgets plays a unique role in my daily routine, helping me stay connected, productive, and creative.

Cellphone: The All-in-One Companion

My cellphone is undeniably my most essential gadget. It’s more than just a device for calls and messages, it’s my pocket-sized computer that I carry everywhere. With its powerful processor, intuitive user interface, and functionable apps, my cellphone helps me stay organized, connected, and entertained.

Operations and Uses:

Communication: From messaging apps to video calls, my cellphone keeps me connected with family, friends, and classmates.

Productivity: Apps like email, calendar, and note-taking tools help me manage my school works and personal tasks efficiently.

Entertainment: Whether it's streaming my favorite shows, playing games, or listening to music, my cellphone is a constant source of entertainment.

Photography: With a high-quality camera, I can capture memories on the go without needing to carry a separate camera all the time.

Tablet: My Portable Workstation and Entertainment Hub

The Tablet has become my go-to device for productivity and entertainment. It combines the portability of a phone with the screen size and functionality of a laptop, making it perfect for many tasks.

Operations and Uses:

Work and Creativity: From writing and editing documents to sketching and designing, the tablet offers a range of apps that enhance my productivity.

Reading and Browsing: The tablet larger screen make it ideal for reading eBooks since I’m fund of reading books, browsing websites, and catching up on news about Alice Guo and Pastor Quiboloy.

Multimedia Consumption: I often use  my tablet o watch movies on Netflix and other free websites and enjoy YouTube content. The display quality and sound are fantastic, providing a wholesome experience.

Camera: Capturing the World Through My Lens

While cellphones come with impressive cameras, there's something special about using a dedicated camera. My camera allows me to dive deeper into the art of photography as it somewhat gives me peace and make it as an instrument to divert my attention from stressful things. It also provides a higher quality of the image.

Operations and Uses:

Photography:  Whether it's landscape, portrait, or macro photography, my camera offers nice and superior image quality. I enjoy taking photos of the things that caught my attention.

Filming: For filming some special moments of my life since I always cherish every moments that I have for my loved ones and having a good camera makes a significant difference in the quality of the film.

Learning and Experimentation: Photography is a continuous learning process. With my camera, I can explore manual settings, lighting, and composition techniques that aren't possible with a smartphone.

These three devices—my cellphone, tablet, and camera—each have a unique role in my life. The cellphone keeps me connected and productive, the tablet serves as my portable workstation and entertainment hub, and the camera fuels my passion for photography. Together, they make my everyday experiences and help me stay creative, organized, and inspired.

What are your favorite gadgets? Share in the comments below!

[opinated-user]

This might be an unpopular opinion but I feel like Mikayla gets an unfair short end of the stick by LO critics, unless she did something terrible I was unaware of.

I just got out of a relationship with someone very similar to Lily, at least based on what we know her to be. My ex was incredibly manipulative and let me tell you, when a partner is *really* good at doing that shit it's a psychological nightmare. The 2+2=5 shit they were talking about in 1984 is no lie. You will genuinely start to believe things you've known all your life to be false and it's fucking scary to finally be free of those shackles.

So when I see people deride MO for being a bad person because "she defends her wife's actions and backs up her cyberbullying!" I... take pause. Because one part of me knows you can't get away with being mean to others JUST because of manipulation and she does have to take some accountability, but the other part of me knows that she probably wouldn't be like that without Lily's overruling fist.

idk this is probably just me being parasocial but y'know. A patterns a pattern no matter how small

indeed, i absolutely agreed with you, anon.

we can talk about MO's questionable actions (her stealing fanart for a video and still profiting off of it even after the artist said they didn't want their art there, participating along with ginger on the harassing of Lizzy and also strip herself for youtube next to LO), but we should never forget that for every abusive action we have seen LO display during streams, where she knew she was being watched, there's a lot more behind the scenes that we can't even imagine.

we don't know what a MO without LO is like. we don't know if that MO'd have agreed with the actions of the current MO because none of us ever met that version of her. a person is not themselves when they're on a relationship like that.

t's worth repeating: leaving an abusive partner can be one of the most difficult things a person can go through. it can take multiple attempts before it's actually effective and MO is still on the phase of just excusing LO whenever possible, there's no intention of leaving. we need to take that into account and realize that for whatever thing worth calling out MO has done, LO still has done so much worse, to her and to others. unlike with MO, we do know for sure that LO is that bad completely out of her own volition without any influence. she was always toxic, always bigoted, always entitled and abusive, regardless of who she's with.

[bathsaltsmcgee]

Hey! I'm sending you a message because I love your fanfic, Beneath The Mask. It's really immersive! Your writing is so impressive, and your Alastor and Charlie feel so real! You really display every part of them so well, from their attire to their mannerisms and inner thoughts. And you balance it with your amazing plot so masterfully! I'm curious as to what resources you use when you research the place and time period. It's because I'm working on my own Charlastor fanfic in the same setting (1920's-1930's New Orleans). You're a writer that I look up to, so I thought I'd reach out to ask you for advice. Thanks!

Aw, thank you! I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying my work that much. :D

Well, odd as it is to say, when it comes to researching the 1930s, YouTube is a fantastic place to start. There are loads of documentaries about the roaring twenties, as well as the Great Depression, uploaded on there that go into great detail about everything from daily life, to fashion, to racial and societal tensions, to even old diary entries, and whenever I'm doing something I don't want to, I'll put on one of those so the grind of vacuuming doesn't seem nearly so monotonous.

However, I would recommend not just listening to the ones about the economy and the stock market crash. While they do play an integral part in what went down back then and are definitely worth a listen, it's vital to take into account the human suffering on the ground level that occurred at the time, too.

Wall Street is important, but Main Street is everything.

People were starving, dying in the streets, and kicked out of their homes because they couldn't pay the rent. Poverty was rampant, loads of families had to uproot across state lines, just to survive, and the dust bowl was sweeping through the US farming country, making it unviable for planting and raising livestock. Civil unrest was all over the place, debt, both personal and commercial, was at an all time high, roughly 25% of all working Americans were unemployed, riots and police standoffs were occurring everywhere one looked, like what happened with the bonus army in 1932 in DC, and brutality and scapegoating were the way of the day, with random acts of violence against one other on the rise every day that went by, regardless of whether or not there was even a reason, be it perceived or real.

So, the human struggle against scarcity, despair, misery and hopelessness that the Depression brought which persisted throughout that time period is essential to take into account when writing about it, as it affected almost everyone and usually stayed with them to some degree for the rest of their lives, even long after the depression itself was gone.

Which is why a lot of old people who lived through it never threw anything away, eschewed any and all kinds of waste, and washed and folded up used tinfoil, among other things.

Another important aspect about the Great Depression and the roaring twenties that proceeded it is that everything is intertwined and connected with each other to an almost disturbing degree. For instance, the release of labor saving devices, shiny new inventions and household appliances, such as electric washing machines, radios, cars and what have you, behooved people to take on a boatload of debt in order to purchase them, which, in turn, put them into a bad financial position when the bottom fell out of the economy and they'd no way of paying their loans back because they were without a job.

The banks going bust and there not being any sort of insurance to cover the financial losses at the time didn't help, either.

Hemlines in skirts also have a way of either rising or falling depending on the state of the economy as well. If it's a bull market, the hemlines rise. If it's a bear, they fall down to the floor.

Also, the YouTube channel, 'Great Depression cooking with Clara', is a great window back into life in the days, so I'd look that up too, if you're so inclined.

As for fashion knowledge, I'd recommend either vintage dancer or glamour daze. They've got loads of tutorials for makeup and fashion from the turn of the century all the way up into the 80s, as well as real life magazine articles from back then, detailing how women, and sometimes men, were expected to dress in order to appear 'smart' in public, as being well groomed was a sign that one still had their act together, if only on the surface.

Hope that helps!