#just so i have it written down somewhere
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lunarscaled · 2 years ago
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very rough fnaf: sb verse outline
Lyric is a General Maintenance Employee for the Pizzaplex who is sometimes tasked with electrical work and assigned to Parts and Services when someone inevitably quits, drops a shift, or no-shows. They have no technicians or electrical certifications, only a plethora of personal experience since childhood, and that's sure good enough for Faz Inc to pay them minimum wage to work ~50 hours a week like a pack mule repairing every god damn thing that breaks down in this place, which is a lot. Lyric is technically only supposed to be on day shift during the week, but they're often called in late, on weekends, and on days off with little to no overtime pay or compensation. If they don't show they'll definitely get fired, so they're always running on a chronic 4 hours of sleep and all the caffeine they can find. This plus screaming children and general customer service work makes Lyric even more introverted and grouchy than they would normally be, and they rarely talk to anyone who isn't an employee or a bot that can't talk back.
Lyric finds the extremely advanced, sentient animatronics to be a bit unsettling and high risk, but theyre not paid enough to give consultations on things like that, so they tolerate them about as much as they do the guests of the Pizzaplex. Lyric is, sometimes, asked to do repairs on individual electronics but prefers to pass that off to someone with the specialization ( and those people keep going somewhere. ) Really, they think if an animatronic ever started acting weird around them, they wouldn't hesitate to beat the hell out of it with a wrench or something---better fired than dead. Because Lyric is not a Guest Experience employee, they avoid interacting with most children if possible, and they especially try to avoid birthdays and the main floor show due to the noise, lights, and crowds of children.
Lyric wears a standard light blue Pizzaplex employee uniform shirt and jeans, their tool belt, and a standard name tag clipped to their pocket. When they aren't fixing things, they're usually in the only employee break room trying to nap or fiddling with their phone. They disabled the camera in that room to make it easier to do ( disabled being they just cut the wires. )
Due to Lyric's spectacular hand-eye coordination, they have the highest employee score in Monty Golf, though they don't think that's worth anything. If they were asked by a child, they would say Roxy and Monty are tied for their favorite Glamrock, but in reality they don't really care for any of them that much. Roxy and Monty merely seem like the least likely to follow rules.
TAG: ⋇ A Well-Made Fake Smile on Your Face? You Can't Break it in Public so Be My Guest: FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S: SECURITY BREACH
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headfullof-ideas · 29 days ago
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A few more Storyboards. Full disclosure, I don’t have a scene planned for the first one. I don’t even know what’s happening in it. I just know I want to find a way to make Scarl and Abel interact because it would be really funny to me if they did because of their individual personalities, and because I know Scarl’s the type of person who would just scoop Abel up and book it in the face of imminent danger, and Abel’s the type of guy who would freak out because he’s not used to someone being able to do that so easily. Think big-dog-getting-picked-up level of confusion and bewilderment. And also I want my oc’s to interact with each other, sue me
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k16is · 1 year ago
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its kind of unfortunate how much i think about these 2 like i’m trying to shove every single analysis about their dynamic into my head in all forms of media… wanna know everyone’s thoughts on their dynamic. if you say shiori is straight sleep with one eye open
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kikiknits · 11 months ago
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Shameless pics of the lemon squares I made today 🍋
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br1ghtestlight · 1 year ago
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taylor trying to explain what happened to her this is a WHOLE comedy routine 😭😭
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2leggedshark · 5 months ago
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I really do believe that wrestling is about loVE....
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galaxywarp · 5 months ago
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thanks for letting me vaguely gush about my weird fanfic you guys lmao it means a lot to me
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littleplantfreak · 8 months ago
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Awhile ago I talked about having headcanons about mama and papa Umemiya so I'll put them under the cut cause yknow. They really aren't anything special though just me rambling.
Hajime gets his big, boisterous laugh from his mom. Mamamiya was actually the louder, more confident one between Haji's parents.
Mamamiya was raised by her father until he passed away when she was a teenager. She didn't grow up with much family, but she was always really friendly with her neighbors. She also had a green thumb, but preferred flowers
Papamiya was raised in a super traditional household, and though it was big, they weren't close at all. He was alone a lot for most of his childhood.
I like to think they met when they were both on a trip somewhere? Two strangers who just happened to meet while hiking up a mountain, and they hit it off well enough to exchange contact info. After the first phone call, it became a regular thing really quick.
They learned to cook together, papamiya is technically the better one, though he's also pickier than she is.
When she got pregnant with Hajime, both his parents had super in depth conversations about how they wanted to raise him. The Umemiya way of eating with people you love was born there.
Hajime's parents had no issues taking him with them on trips once he got old enough as a toddler to travel. He only vaguely remembers the places he's visited with them and wants to revisit them some day.
Sometimes he looks in the mirror and see them in himself. He's a good mix of them both physically and with certain habits, and he wouldn't change that for the world.
Oh but if you guys have your own send them to me frfr i love thinking about them or just ume in general.... i kinda tolerate that guy
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tinyevilgremlin · 1 year ago
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writing this in the middle of watching episode 7, so this is not as coherent as i would like to be, but:
mokha met kiho's father without telling kiho/bogeol, probably to protect him? and i can't help but think how this is such an obvious and poignant parallel to when young kiho fought her dad without telling her so she could escape. they were so scared (you can see it in the way mokha is so nervous throughout, and the way young kiho flinches just before tackling her dad), but did not back off. not for a second.
and, in both the cases, it... didn't really help a lot.; mokha ultimately escaped her father but ended up stranded in an island, while kiho's father now knows that he is alive, meaning he is going to be even more relentless in his search for kiho and his family... which is far from good news for our main characters.
all the while my heart aches so, so much for bogeol, in particular when he and woohak argue— he's lived like this for fifteen years, but now that mokha is finally found, the cracks are beginning to show. and well. of course they are. he had given all he could to help her, even throughout the years he never gave up the hope that he would find her (and i say this especially because of the scene where he smiles after he sees mokha on the island. that's a sigh of relief and gratitude- the kind of relief that he has been waiting to feel for freakin fifteen years. the gratitude that she is alive and finally found).
there's no way he would be able to stop himself from helping her now that he finally has the chance to correct past wrongs.
the little reversal of roles this ep–with mokha being the one trying to protect kiho this time around– made me tear up. i hope we get to see more of that, as kang pd continues to support mokha's dreams and be her silent anchor like he's always been.
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incomplete-ruler · 1 month ago
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I swear my dreams are either batshit crazy or downright genius 'cause I've just spent almost an hour writing a whole character arc for one of my ocs just because of how he appeared in the 2 hour nap I had (and I'm not even done!).
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somer-writes · 1 year ago
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What is the nichest (is that a word) head canon you have for any of the boys
this was a tricky question but here goes!!
twi (bc ofc): lets talk wolf senses vs hylian senses!
wolfie hearing/scent (a part of it anyway) carries over to his hylian form. he cant see smells/hear spirits like in wolf form but its certainly above average. however! his eyesight is worse as a result. hes not colorblind, he just doesnt see as well as the others which is part of why he relies on sheer instinct so much in a fight.
i almost answered this with his lineage but i am still ironing that out esp where gerudo is concerned (whether or not theres any in his lineage) it gets messy bc i think in order to make it work within canon he would have to be related to ganon and i dont know if thats a can of worms i want to open. just seems like Too Much imo
2. Time!!
he got that blind eye from the fierce deity mask. something something stare into the void it stares back at you. he is in fact blind in that eye, but he can use magic to see through it like a powerful lens of truth. it burns a lot of magic though. when he wears the fierce deity mask, thats the eye he sees out of instead.
3. Legend!
rather than fable's sibling they are cousins. legend's father is the king's brother and is a total deadbeat. they lost any claim to their royalty following his fathers series of fuck ups (a lot of gambling, being a hound in general, drinking problem, etc) and were kicked out of the castle. the king does pity his nephew ofc and thats why leg knows his way around the castle so well and all of the guards and such. he lives with his maternal uncle who is not royal. kid legend struggled to adjust to the sudden lifestyle change and as he is now, resents the king for leaving him in the care of his father. he gets along fine with his uncle but his uncle doesnt have much so legend just moved himself out eventually to ease the burden. hes not home that often anyway. he hasnt seen his dad in years.
4. Four (how apt)
i think he primarily takes care of the house for his grandpa. so four's not a great cook but he *can* if need be. moreover i think he's actually a very tidy person and i think he enjoys cleaning up as a comfort activity. he divides himself up to do chores faster.
hopefully this is what you were asking XD
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skyburger · 11 months ago
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WHAT THE HELL NOBODY EVER TOLD ME TWO OF MY FAVE VILLAGERS GOT A LINE STICKER TOGETHER. ive loved tabby for YEARS like since 2019 at LEAST. and these stickers are from 2018 how did i not know !!! i love tabby and boots so much 😭😭😭 TABBY AND BOOTS ANIMAL CROSSING I LOVE YOU SO MUCHHHHH OOMFS FOREVER AND EVER
#im so happy any official content of tabby is awesome shes my fave i looooove her so much SHES SO SILLY!!!#and boots was one of my starting residents on acnh so he holds a special place in my heart#in case anyone was wondering which im sure you were not. my other starting villager on acnh was rocket and shes soooo silly i love rocket#not enough people love her like shes so silly. u are all HATERS#anyway i love talking about my acnh villagers I WISH I HAD MY ACNL ONES WRITTEN DOWN. the only ones i remember are tabby and kyle#but my acnh ones atm (and when i say atm i mean they will be probably til the end of time)#are my guy sherb (found on one of the ticket islands)#stiches (who i also found on an island i think?)#chai (i have her amiibo card shes so cute.)#tammi (another island find)#stella (man i really did just take the first villagers i found on an island and kept them huh)#rocket and boots (starter villagers)#tabby (I WAS LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO TRADE HER TO ME ON REDDIT I THINK? and then they were like oh if shes ur fave u can just have her +#like for free. AND THAT WAS SOOOO AWESOME)#bea (i think she was also a ticket island thingy find)#and finally... tom (ok he has a fun story.#i think it was margie who lived on my island at the time and listen she was SUCH a sweetheart i wanted to keep her forever#(she replaced drift who i found on an island and he was mean to me so i have beef with him. still. like four years later.)#but them tom showed up as a camper and i got this crazy hit of nostalgia and i remembered my guy tom was in my childhood city folk town#and i was like. I MISS MY BOY. COME BACK TO ME. so he moved in)#umm only other villager we had was chadder which i think my little brother picked when we shared the island#i think i remember him saying he got chadder because of dantdm...? i dont remember the details#but i got the sanrio amiibo cards which i need to stress i had wanted for YEARS. i was so fucking happy when they got a rerelease#to the point where like. i couldnt get them at first because they sold out super fast. so#i bought them from someone in twitter dms im so serious. and it fucking worked thats how i got them#anyway i wanted chai to move in because shes my fave of that set (i love cinnamoroll) but i needed someone to move out#which i always get so sad about :( but my brother offered to take chadder so i felt a little better abt it#and then i think we forgot to like. have him come get chadder in boxes. so chadder went off somewhere hope hes living a good life#thats it i think. i wish i kept a list of all my villagers ever but considering ive been playing for a decade or so now that would be. crazy#muffin mumbles
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itsalwaysdark · 3 months ago
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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gu6chan · 4 months ago
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tell us about barnabas 👀
YIPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so first right off the bat i owe you an apology, you were so kind to reach out and this ask is like a month old and i actually finished it 2 weeks ago but thought "Barnabas' birthday is on the 27th, isn't it?" so i actually scheduled it for there 😭 im so sorry if it felt like i forgot about you!!!! i never forget about my asks, i swear skgdhbjhfd especially not as kind as this!!! i just take an extremely long time answering them, i promise aaaaa....
OKAY, SO (I may want to warn ahead of time for warnings of murder, CSA and general violence/mistreatment of kids)
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There's a WHOLE bunch that i could go into in how his story DEVELOPS but i'll try my best just to give a basic rundown otherwise this could last forever!! There's going to be a few details left unsaid for the sake of brevity and simplicity since it's a lot but! I will do my best to explain this coherently 🫡 THANK YOUUUUU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ABOUT HIM IVE BEEN WORKING ON THE DOODLE HERE FOR THE PAST COUPLE DAYS SO I COULD DO THIS ASK JUSTICE LMAO
So!!! Generally speaking, Barnabas (His full name being Barnabas Johannes Mandalay) is a very important character in the little story I have!! It's divided up into four main parts which make up the primary story, with a couple side stories here and there :3<
Barnabas isn't really seen in most of the story till about the last moment, but he's certainly there!! He also gets to be a "protagonist" of his own story, Garden of Genesis, which is sort of like a de-facto "prequel" to the four main bits? That said, that will probably be the section of his story I cover here as it's.... literally HIS story lol Honestly, whether I'll ever do anything with this story at all or just keep it in my head I'm not even sure, so I'm thrilled whenever I get to yap about it!!!
But to explain who Barnabas actually is, he was born on October 27th, 1697, the son of the duke Johannes Mandalay and his wife, Rosemary, and the twin of a stillbirth, Edmund. Barnabas was deemed unlikely to survive due to an extremely weak heart that made even the act of walking difficult, and given the high infant mortality rate of the time, he was sadly cast aside with expectations he would die. His parents didn't want him dying miserably, so they placed him in the nursery they had prepared for them with plans to pick him up by next morning.
However, two servants, Empathy (11) and Henry (10), would eventually be led to the nursery holding the young baby Barnabas that night by a certain crow, which I'll talk about later. (Technically it was Empathy who was led to it and Henry who later stumbled across them both after hearing a ruckus and deciding to investigate, but...) The two decide to try their best and take care of Barnabas in secret, a task that they end up being pretty good at for two pre-teens! lmao
So time flies, and Barnabas is introduced back to his family! Of course, he's alive, but still very weak, not being able to leave past the premises of the manor and also needing to be pushed around in a wheelchair to get anywhere at all. His mother loves him and pays him attention enough, though,,, she's also kinda not getting her hopes up for him to STAY but his father is the exact opposite, even if he IS kinda skeptical that Barnabas is going to live, he still showers him with attention and praise and essentially spoils the poor boy rotten to the point everyone was kinda "???? what are you doing" 😭
Most IMPORTANTLY though, Barnabas' father was his main foray into religion, which Barnabas was absolutely TAKEN with. One of Barnabas' most cherished items is the small red bible his father left him, which he continued to carry around to the end of his life like a pacifier lmao
So skip ahead 2 years, his father DOES passes away in a freak accident and his mother is left to take the title due to Barnabas' VERY young age at that point, additionally not really able to find it in her to come back to her "Maternal" senses in her nihilism that came with the realisation of how fragile things really were. Barnabas is then raised by his servants (Now grown ofc), who he's come to regard as parents in their own right, though he sorely misses his mother, and considers his engagement to his cousin Maria a type of "gift" or sign from her. Barnabas falls into obsession with religion, setting on a dream to start a family on earth and become an angel when he dies so he can answer the prayers of people all over the world <3 he's a little baby lol
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Here's a little thing I doodled for this ask (The colouring is a bit off, my apologies!!), Henry and Empathy at 24 and 25, respectively. Barnabas would be around 12, where most his story takes place! And I feel so bad for doing it but seeing how much I've yapped just getting his character established i might have to REALLY summarize... (This kid is REALLY important so there are just so many threads and characters to introduce to make the story make sense and aaaaaaa!!!) So in the most basic terms, his story goes like this: Barnabas, entirely dependent on religion as means to fill up his lack of any real parental figure in his life (Henry and Empathy are LESS than suitable parents and I dunno if I'll get to that in this post, but hopefully!!), is caught in the middle of a series of sadistic murders of servants in his own estate while trying - and failing - to move on by relying on unfortunately cold and/or misled people, such as his fiancée, "friends", and caretakers. this is really long so lemme just....
So the first character who he really meets on his story is Edwin: fast forward to when Barnabas is 12, while visiting the forest on his birthday he comes across a trapped crow. He frees the crow, only to find a boy greeting him later that night who came to thank him. Barnabas is very enamoured with this boy (unknowingly), initially only psychically at first, but coming to grow a,,,, romantic? emotional??? attraction later on (I'll opt for the best description being unhealthy emotional dependence, i think lol)? Edwin has a VERY important role with Barnabas but also another character! Mentioned rn Maria: Barnabas' cousin/fiancée, NOT a friendly person!!!! NOT a friendly person, she's the main,,, antagonist? of the work? So long story short she had a more or less normal upbringing for the times, though just had completely detached herself from typical human morality as a result. She ends up making a sort of faustian pact with Edwin after stumbling across him (All according to keikaku on his end) and in line with seeing humans more as objects and ofc as previously mentioned, having detached herself from any emotional permanence, expresses interest in watching them die and seeing the fallout from it. She has Edwin do the dirty work to avoid getting any suspicion or dirt on her hands, and initially plans to kill Barnabas as a "final end" before allowing Edwin to take her soul, though through the story ends up... Not falling in love, persay, but growing a sort of emotional permanence to him that results her forcing him into a suicide pact of sorts towards the end of the story. She only ever kills 2 people.... technically?
Finally there's Samuel, who I forget exists half the time and is the NEWEST addition to the story, as the initial draft I wrote back in like 2011/2012 was in DESPERATE need for a B Plot i kid you not the original story was so fucking bad.... 😭 So I still don't have him PERFECTLY established and honestly he's a bit of a woob so I PERSONALLY don't care about him as much, but long story short he's hired as a servant in the MIDST of the murders (to everyone's surprise!!) after being plucked off the streets by Henry. He's slowly rotting away from like several STDs which,,, people aren't GREATLY aware of himself included (As was the bit of the times) but is kinda no one's favourite kid, there's rumours flying around that he's whoring himself out for his position and Empathy doesn't care for him because of how just his existence "threatens" the image of a family she had made for herself (More on that in a bit!!). And its like the kid didn't even do anything tf......... However, Barnabas, free from all the anti-Samuel slander and the such, sees this weird sickly kid staggering around and takes to him very quickly!!! This kind of sparks a certain infatuation on Samuel's end, who begins to fall in love with Barnabas off the simple fact he was one of the first people to him with human eyes. Samuel takes it upon himself to "Protect" Barnabas' purity, which comes to a point when he starts growing suspicious of Maria's role in all the murders. Unfortunately the feeling of "I need to get RID of this tramp" is returned as she figures Samuel is a prime target to frame for the murders should things ever go south. She crafts this brilliant scheme after Henry's sudden death, one death she did not have calculated, and linking it back to Samuel herself. Unfortunately, this ends in complete failure on both ends after Samuel attempts doing away with her in a blind fit of rage after Barnabas grows deathly ill and he overhears Maria confess to Barnabas her role behind the murders and form their aforementioned suicide pact. Maria manages to wrestle the knife out of his hands and stabs him multiple times, leaving him to bleed out before she seeks to inform Empathy of his suicide. Interestingly enough, Empathy does dare to state her suspicion on it, however! Maria, more than aware of Empathy's feelings towards Samuel, is just like "Well it doesn't matter bc its easier for you now isnt it lol" and so the whole thing gets passed off as a suicide. Barnabas does NOT take the news well, however, and even despite Edwin's VERY panicked efforts to keep him alive, he ends up passing away from his sudden onset "illness" later on (Illness was really a pretense, what actually happened was Empathy deciding to let him by smothering him in his sleep because at that point, his declining psychical and mental state as a result of Samuel's death was enough to "ruin" her familial perception of her, Barnabas, and Henry to the point she couldn't bear it. She justifies it to herself by simply claiming it to be a necessary mercy kill, unable to fully face up to what she did or the thought it was based in.)
The general truth behind Empathy and Henry is that Empathy was raised by the church, and through the circumstances of her birth that led her to being raised by the church, she was forbidden from having a family or any children of her own. This led to her drive to become a nanny to begin with, eventually meeting Henry through their stumbling across Barnabas together and over time, either as a result of developing a sort of crush on him or developing a crush on him because of the "Father" mold she began to ascribe to him, crafting a sort of "mold" for her hypothetical perfect family and reacting,,, poorly? to anything that didn't fit within it. She ignored how Henry grew up to become a predator and his rampant sexual abuse of several younger members of the staff, and outright despised Samuel while not outright showing it despite her "Motherly" role to the rest of the Mandalay household. This is entirely because Samuel wasn't as quiet and couldn't "Hide" the effects of his abuse as clearly as the others, thus "interfering" in the perfect family image she had constructed for Henry, Barnabas and herself.
Of course, there's a few smaller bits I left out for the sake of brevity (as you can see i am a master of it) and the fact SOME bits of the story might be better fitted for another post (There's one important bit about Barnabas and Edwin's relationship because funny enough, it fits the story of two other characters better, being Zinnia and Alaundra!) , but!!! this is in reality like 0.001% of barnabas' story, after his death he ends up having his wish granted, somewhat, and becomes not just an angel, but a part of God himself. Barnabas' ensuing regret over this and the true purpose of his existence and becoming one with God is where things really kick off. Still though, despite starting off as one of my crappiest, In the Garden of Genesis and its characters have been developed into a story that has a really special place to me, I think! I don't talk about my OC's often since,,, I don't know how to explain it, for as often as I DO think about them, it never crosses my mind to talk about them? That said! Characters like Maria I roll around in my head constantly, and Edwin and Barnabas are just too cute lol <3 I really do apologise for how long it took me to get this out, but this being the first ask about any of my OC's, I REALLY wanted to do this justice!! It's a bit messy and I hope it's not too painful or awful to read, but this ask made my whole day when I got it.... and all the months it took me to answer it since then QwQ Thank you so much!!!!!!!
P.S: Because I couldn't find a place to put it, Edwin's name is actually Edward! "Edwin" is just a nickname Barnabas gave him after learning his name from Maria and it stuck (Much to his distaste).
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indigodawns · 1 year ago
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#these are just some thoughts re: friendship as a result of tonight that i need to jot down somewhere but#realising that i really do have a strict and set idea of Good Friend(ship) and what that entails to me#and id written people off bc i wasn't yk ~receiving love or friendship the way id prefer and i was angry with them for that/hurt about it#did i communicate that to them though? nooo. was i fully right in that? also no. like just bc i felt unheard didn't fully mean#that they were doing something wrong. they were trying in their own way (and sometimes they weren't really or it just wasn't nice)#but that's about how we match and how we communicate right? this is so silly that's so basic but it never fully clicked for me like this#i was blaming them for stuff and building up resentment without ever expressing that (and i still haven't yk dhshsjd)#and i think where i went ~wrong was in thinking that bc i felt that way they weren't ~giving me what i need#when it's like... but did i pick up on the ways in which they DID appreciate me and show me love etc? did i give them ANYTHING to work with?#(ok yes occasionally but also... tangent but i was watching a variety show and they were teasing woozi about how#he gives interviewers/hosts literally nothing to work with. like no extra information for them to ask about or tease him for or anything#and i was like ohhhhhh. yeah i do do that sometimes with friends and it's genuinely smth i don't really know how to do like#giving casual information (but not too much and not too little???) so they can then ask questions etc. so then if im like ughh#they never ask (the right) questions or show interest (or let me talk but that's a different thing dhsjdjd) it's like...#well do i give them the chance to? much to think about thank you woozi)#anyways where was i dhsjsnsnsjns idk but it's soooo annoying that i haven't figured this all out yet#but im slowly letting go off a bunch of resentment that has truly no business being here and im trying to self reflect and all that#and im honestly doing so shit some days but others days it's? finding stuff that matters to me on a deeper level ig?#and all of it really does pale in the face of multiple genocides and it's. but yk. if i want to keep fighting#i need to build a strong foundation and sort my shit out as well and be present so im really really trying#and beating my stupid stupid depression and brain with a stick until i get there
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theflyingfeeling · 1 year ago
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fic talk in the tags 💝
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