#just so i dont sound like a nutter

[piglinmyfeet]

Tonight The Streets Are Ours by Richard Hawley is such an Esmp1 jizzie song

(Actually, the musical version sung by Baker Musaka fits the vibes better imo, also I prefer that version)

[ikaris-whore]

Rainy Run

Pairing: Richard Madden X Female Reader

Prompt: Shamelessly wrote for my BFF and her fantasy. Richard comes back from his run where it had rained and well... you know the rest. 

Richard loved his runs, especially when he was able to do them outside, on trails. You on the other hand would rather not exert yourself physically -- in that way at least. He was tying up his shoes when you popped into the room. 

“Richard, you do know it is supposed to rain in the next hour?” you had mainly asked him trying to get him to put it off and stay inside, maybe have a cuddle and watch a movie until the storms passed. 

“I have to get my run in. You know that. And if I put it off for later I will never get out to do it.” Rising from the chair he gave your forehead a kiss and walked past you.

Following him through the apartment to the front door, he paused his hand resting on the doorknob he turned to you with a cheeky grin. “I will be back before you know it. Always am.” And with that, he was off. You busied yourself getting a few things done around the house while he was out. 

As you passed by the large window in your living room you noticed it was pouring rain. Shaking your head you knew Richard was just pushing through and finishing his run. Checking the time on your phone you estimated he had another ten minutes. 

Right on cue he came through the door soaking wet, his shirt clinging to him more than it was when he left. “Babe!” he hollered as he entered, not noticing you were there sitting on the couch. He sat next to you after peeling off his shirt to remove his shoes. You hadn’t taken your eyes off him, his curls sticking to his forehead, chest heaving as he caught his breath, taught muscles straining under his skin as he untied his shoes. 

“What are you staring at me for?” he broke you out of your stare. 

“No reason.” you smiled and let out a quiet sigh. 

“Okay you nutter.” he laughed standing up “I’m going to shower.” 

“Mmmhm. I will be right here when you are done.” you tried to keep your cool. 

After you hear the water running a few minutes you make your way to the bathroom stripping your clothes before tip toeing into the shower. It has been a while since the two of you had done anything spontaneous. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Shut up.” and you grab the back of his neck pulling him to you, kissing him with all you had so he wouldn’t question you. When he is thoroughly quieted and excited you get down on your knees, working him over with your mouth. 

“Fuck. Oh my god. Babe.” He is still on his high from his run, adrenaline coursing through his veins, he’s not thinking straight. After a particularly good swirl of your tongue he can’t take it anymore. He grabs your arm, pulls you up and presses you hard against the shower wall entering you with a moan. Picking you up his muscles tighten under your hands placed on his arm for balance. 

“God you’re so strong.” you breathed out causing him to chuckle in your ear as he kissed your neck, thrusting slow. 

“You like it don’t you?” he challenges her, squeezing her closer. 

“Very much. Now fuck me harder, dont be shy.” He tucks his hand under one of your knees and fucks into you harder. The shower fills with the sounds of skin against skin, moans and whines, ragged breaths.

“Just wait until I get you out of the shower. I am going to fuck..” he thrusts into you with purpose with the word “...you into the mattress so hard.” 

That was it, that was what you need to pull you over the edge and you cum picturing exactly what that would entail. 

He feels you clench around him, your mouth fall open, and soft moans come from you. “Oh my god.” he is in shock that you had come so fast. “You just want me to destroy you don’t you?”

A bite of your lip confirms he is right but you moan out “God. Yes please.”

His fingers grip your jaw and turns your head to the side, he leans in close breath tickling your ear “I won’t be doing any such thing until you come again. Right. Now.” 

He thrusts into you again over and over, your own fingers rubbing at your clit between the two of you as he holds you up -- still pressed between him and the wall. It doesn’t take much to make you cum again, still sensitive from the first time, and you let out the sexiest noise he had ever heard come from you which causes him to cum with a guttural moan as your orgasm wrecks through your body. 

Forehead to forehead the two of you stand in the shower panting, breathing in each other as he pulls out slowly and sets you down. 

“Fuck.” you murmur, ready for what comes after the shower.

[thegoodomensdumpster]

I WATCHED GOOD OMENS IN FRENCH SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

and it wasn’t that bad. Here are my thoughts, barely edited as I wrote most of them while watching the show.

EP 1

OK i like god’s voice so far

possibilité d’embarras gastrique is a good formulation, I wonder if it’s the same in the book ( I think I kinda need to read it in french now...)

aghghdhgs « primo-délinquants »

of course subtitles don’t match the audio for a variety of technical reasons but when you get things that have very different underlying meanings i find it… not good This one about Crowley being evil / a demon : subtitles : « c’est ton travail » - « it’s your job » audio : « c’est dans ta nature » - « it’s in your nature » i mean dang

crowley sounds like a little shit asking az about his sword

« T’AS FAIT QUOUA » - he just loses his shit (kinda giving me some le coeur a ses raisons vibe)

ok crowley sounds very nerdy when he tries to explain that he took down the phone network, i think i actually like this voice acting

ligur sounds… very suave (im a little ill at ease)

crowley getting called mon chou by satan freddie mercury is a thumb up from me

i see the part where aziraphale speaks japanese wasn’t dubbed over and we can still hear michael sheen. it’s a bit disturbing considering french aziraphale has a higher pitched voice (and he sounds soooo much more anxious than sheen, give this angel a xanax )

“sandwich bœuf cresson” ( beef and cress sandwich ) deirdre really who makes this kind of sandwiches

im being reminded that the chattering nuns prepared little cut outs for their explanation about the antichrist switch… such dedication to useless crafts (it made me laugh on my first viewing and it’s still funny to imagine that some of them either ordered or built these things themselves just so they could make this two minutes long presentation for the most important act of their satanic nun careers)

retire-toi vil démon infernal, créature des abysses XD i swear az doesn’t sound even remotely convinced when he is saying the « get thee behind me foul fiend » line in french, it’s just too over the top for credibility, it sounds like it’s straight out of some super intense dnd session

they still can’t say bouillabaisse (which, like, weird because french, but still valid). nice touch is crowley couldn’t say soupe de poisson (fish stew) either and said poupe de soisson (sish ftew)

warlock mah boy how can you be a teenager and not like dinosaurs

c’est un dinosaure un nullosaure plutôt - apply burn heal

La façon dont warlock s’est exclamé « C’EST NUL » m’a fait penser au nain de naheulbeuk

the english version has nothing on french speaking aziraphale for the second hand embarrassement during the magic tour. it’s over 9000 i literally hid my head in my jumper when he was presenting harry the bunny. Horrible experience, 0/20, would not recommend

EP 2

oooh agnes has a lovely voice !

why is young newton having such a quality dub for the three sentences he has to say

dick turpin’s name is jesse james (tbf dick turpin is not known AT ALL in france, i discovered him reading good omens)

shadwell is pure chaos (as expected). No particular accent for him though, the chaotic energy was probably enough. Would have made me laugh if he had like, a chti or a marseilles accent.

aziraphale is so fucking stressed out by crowley’s driving i thought he was gonna explode

« tu es un gentil garçon » => « you’re a nice boy » said az to crowley DANG THAT’S SO INFANTILIZING AZIRAPHALE YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEMON FROM HELL NOT TO PINOCCHIO

ARGH FIRST MON ANGE OF THE SERIES i’m hit straight in the heart

anathema’s mom doesn’t have a spanish / latino accent at all when talking in spanish…. why...

dog being called toutou is definitely adorable (it’s basically « doggy » but way cuter imo)

tickety-boo has become ça gaze. that’s valid. it’s corny but i still use it unironically from time to time so ... i stan

EP 3

« je répands la fomentation » « i’m here spreading foment » « quoi tu fais des crêpes au froment ?????? »  « what you’re making crêpes with wheat ??? » love the fact that we shoehorned in one more ref to crêpes

az called crowley mon cher camarade, unintentionnal communist propaganda ftw

« pas de repos pour les… bah, pour les bons » « no rest for the… good »  – az was so deflated about the ineptitude he realized he was saying, he felt zero percent commited to his sentence

i was wondering how they would play aziraphale not being able to speak french in the bastille and they opted to have him stutter a bit and say to his executionner « excuse me i’m anxious » XD

« vous êtes le 999e aristo à mourir par mes soins. Mais vous êtes le premier en costume beige » « you’re the 999th aristocrat I’m going to kill, but the first one in beige attire » yeah i guess now that az isn’t english anymore his most noticeable feature is his cream aesthetic

« c’est au cas où ça tournerait en eau de boudin » « j’ADORE le boudin » => « in case it all goes pear shape » - the literal translation featuring food in french is « turning into black sausage water ». I don’t know what pear shaped inspires to english native speakers but the mere mention of boudin always make me giggle, it’s such a funny word and such a funny food

OH !!! no terrence rampa for the tv series, we’ve got anthony J. rampa. Rip terrence petit démon parti trop tôt :’(

« tu roules trop vite pour moi rampa » SERIOUSLY i know we can still infer « rouler » (here as in driving, but literally rolling) as a metaphor for their relationship but you could have said TU VAS TROP VITE that would have been so much better argh

has anathema got an emergency stock of potteries to break in case of emotionnal crisis ?

« Rampa, un démon très futé, il m’oblige à redoubler d’effort » « crowley, a very clever demon, he forces me to make double the amount of effort » oh so admitting you’re making an effort there aziraphale ? :))))))

dang i really want to know how shadwell said that major milk bottle died because not only did he die in combat but aziraphale’s reaction is a bit intense, it must have been quite a tale (this could be a crack fic prompt : «The Epic Tale of the Death Of Major Witchfinder Milk Bottle, by Sargent Witchfinder Shadwell» )

des sorcières et des phénomènes sorciéreux x)

CROWLEY CALLED AZIRAPHALE DUCON ?????? EXCUSE ME ????? #NotMyCrowley #CrowleyWouldNeverDoThat  #CancelAnthonyJRampa2K20  => ducon would be an insult, the gathering of du and con, con being a very nasty but common swear word, and associating it with du- makes it extremely patronizing. it’s like « absolute pathetic digraceful moron +++ ». thanks i hate it *frowny face *

EP 4

l’apocalypse c’est pour aujourd’hui juste après le goûter : it could be translated as « apocalypse is scheduled for today right after tea time » except that « goûter » is not quite tea time but rather the little sugary snack kids take when they come back from school and that most adults drop out of (i haven’t and i’m sure az hasn’t either). thanks aziraphale for having exclusively food related notion of the time because tbh same

ligur has no right to be this sexy between ariyon bakare and his french voice actor that’s just not allowed

radio crowley’s voice vs french ligur’s voice, who has the sexiest voice : FIGHT

(jk french agnes nutter’s voice is by far the sexiest)

gender neutral doesn’t ‘quite’ exist in french but pollution has been assigned a female voice actress and masculine pronouns (i’m saying it doesn’t quite exist because officially we have no gender neutral, but it’s a serious wip among lgbt+ circles to the point where it’s started being used in a few medias)

hastur « en attendant qu’un plombier vienne » / « while waiting for a plumber to come » does hell have a special plumber unit or do demons have to call on human plumbers for their pipes damages ? Dang hastur having to call a human plumber for hell’s plumbery is another damn good writing prompt for a crack fic

Michael is called Michel in the subtitles but Michael in the audio *shrug emoji*

EP 5 

to get a wiggle on has become « il faut qu’on se remue les fesses », literally « we need to shake our butts » like, yes, se remuer les fesses is a common expression to say « we need to act in order to get things done » but it really casts the image of people shaking their booty to some music and obviously crowley thinks the same Weirdly enough I have almost nothing to say for that episode. Sorry. But we’ve discovered most voice actors and actresses so far and no bit of dialogue really struck me as worth discussing or pointing fingers to mock it.

EP 6 

« on va BROUTER quelques derrières » - « we’re gonna lick some butts » OK THIS IS UNQUESTIONNABLY FAR SUPERIOR IN FRENCH THAN IN ENGLISH you thought LICKING butts was good ??? you really thought that ???? AZIRAPHALE HERE SUGGESTS TO GRAZE BUTTS. TO NIBBLE THEM. TO EAT THEM. TO. MUNCH. ON. THOSE. BUTTS!!!! not just licking, guys. This is as serious step beyond licking. (oh yeah he should have said « botter » instead of brouter btw, which is really just kicking, fyi)

« moi je crois en la paix, pétasse ! » wow, language, pepper (fyi i think « pétasse » is far far worse than « bitch » even if it means roughly the same, pétasse is almost never used while bitch is rather common, so it’s a swear word +++)

Dagon sounds like she’s got a nasty cold. #GetDagonIbuprofen2K20

I can confirm that Crowley offers Aziraphale to not just stay at his place, but to move in with him. « tu peux t’installer chez moi si tu veux ». omg they were roommates.

Bad translation strikes again : i don’t know why, but the french dub doesn’t have the « tickety-boo » / « ça gaze » being referenced as Rampa / Aziraphale is being knocked down, which is… a real mistep. It was narratively significant and I’m quite mad the translators missed it.

The Jesse James explanation from Newt has become very nonsensical, instead of the neat and to the point pun « wherever I go I hold up trafic » we’re getting a circonvoluted « because it’s a crime to mechanic’s diligence ». I’m not judging that one too hard, I have no idea how to make it better, and that’s probably how it was translated in the book as well thirty years ago, but it definitely doesn’t have the same impact. On the other hand, it definitely IS a very bad joke that doesn’t even deserve a chuckle, so Anathema’s embarassement really matches the audience’s (aka mine).

OVERALL :

I wasn’t convinced by Crowley… I mean, Rampa’s voice at first, but as the nerdiness showed up it really grew on me. I still think that french dubs have often problems with some voice inflexions every here and there, and for instance in Rampa’s case it was when he was annoyed or frustrated ( at the Globe when complaining about horses and Shakespeare’s plays that aren’t comedies, and also when discussing Azirphale’s magic tricks, it’s like… there is a step between having the right amount of grumpy complaining and overdoing it that is overlooked. It’s overacted, it should have been a bit quieter imo. I don’t mean to criticize voice actors too hard either but as an audience watching french dubs this is a very recurring problem and it always feels off to me. It’s actually one of the main reasons I avoid french dubs whenever possible.)

I have a hard time judging Aziraphale’s voice dub because it clashes so much with both the idea I had formed with it when I read the book and Sheen’s delivery that I just… kinda filtered it. It was too high pitched for me, and too anxious (though for this last point I must admit it could be funny at times, but I’m not fond of this character portrayal). The rest of the cast was rather good, nothing to complain about. There wasn’t anything stellar either, but everything that needed to be conveyed was and it was professionnal. It was also very homogeneous, no voice really struck me as being way too bad or way too good compared to the others, so it was really consistant.

So I don’t have much to complain about overall despite a few wonky translations here and there, BUT there is one thing I felt very robbed of : Crowley calling Aziraphale « mon ange » happens only once, when giving a lift to Anathema, and I’m almost certain they translated it that way because otherwise the joke about Anathama mistaking them for a couple wouldn’t work. So, they were forced to make it that way. The rest of the time Crowley calls Aziraphale « l’angelot », and despite being literally translated by « little angel », it feels sarcastic more than anything else ( the « L’ » in front of « angelot » is part of the reason why, it creates some distance, the other reason being that this word in itself has a very corny vibe and people being affectionnate to each other wouldn’t use it as a term of endearment). So, that’s a shame.

I like the English dub much much MUCH better than the French, but the french wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. The voice actors and actresses were quite good, the dialogues mostly faithful and endearing despite a few really missed steps. It really had its moments. Props to brouter des derrières, that one was fantastic.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

unexpected chris motionless x reader

+++++++++ Request from @tiffanyamber1995 : "Chris motionless one shot where he comes home from a long tour and is tired of being single and he meets y/n."

this is not my best work but i really didnt know what else to write so sorry for that but i hope you like it anyway, its a little different but i think it works.

Song: friday im in love by the cure

tag list: @cynic-spirit​ @alilpunkrock @svintsandghosts @theoneandonlykymberlee @thisplace-ishaunted @musicsexandpizza69 +++++++++

I looked intently over the shelf in front of me. I was in desperate need of groceries but was also hungry so going to the store was probably a bad idea. Right now was prime time for impulse buys but I couldn't decide which cookies I wanted, Oreos or nutter butters. I heard a sigh from behind me, shaking me from my thoughts and realizing someone was waiting for me. I made a quick minute decision, stepping to the side and reaching for the Oreos. Just as I was grabbing for them someone elses hand came crashing into mine, finally making me look up at the stranger.

"Sorry."

We both said at the same time, making me smile bashfully at him. I pulled my hand away to scratch the back of my neck.

"Uh, go ahead I think I'm still deciding."

He smiled at me as he took the pack and tucked it under his arm, shifting the case of vanilla coke in his other hand.

"Can't decide between regular or double stuff?"

He asked, joking a little bit. I let out a quick laugh at his comment.

"If only it where that easy. No my heart says Oreos but my brain says nutter butter."

He nodded in understanding, glancing quickly at what I already had in my cart. It wasn't much but it was almost period week so I was stocking up on a few favorites.

"Hey, why not both?"

I snorted a bit.

"I definitely don't think I need both."

He shrugged, side nodding.

"If you're worried about not being able to eat them all yourself I could gladly offer my services."

He said with a smile. Okay, so he was cute and clever.

"If I get both can I take you up on that offer?"

He laughed a little bit.

"If you'd like."

i smiled bashfully at him.

"Both it is then."

I said grabbing a pack of each and placing them in my cart. he had a wide smile on his face before reaching into his pocket.

"Here, wanna give me your number? I'll text you."

I nodded taking his phone from him and texting myself.

"And what am I saving you as kind sir?"

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Oh right, I'm Chris. And you are, y/n?"

He said looking down as his text history. I nodded.

"That I am, and it's nice to meet you Chris."

I said holding my hand out for him to shake.

"Likewise."

°°°°°°°°°

When the day finally came I was super nervous. Chris and I had been chatting for almost a week before deciding on a day for him to come over for a "date." Neither of us wanted to do anything crazy so we agreed on an at home picnic and movie type thing. It was nice in theory but it also meant that I had to speed clean my house and get food, now knowing he was vegan, or at the very least vegetarian. i wiped my hands on the towel before hearing a knock at my door. i took in a deep breath as i walked to the door and opened it. in front of me was chris, smiling widely and holding a small bouquet of flowers.

"what a nice surprise."

i said, taking them as he handed them over.

"i know you said you werent really a fan of fancy things but i thought itd be a nice gesture. after all you did insist i didnt bring anything but myself."

i laughed a little bit as i let him in, id always been the host type and hated making people do stuff i could do myself. in this case it was cooking and entertaining.

"its much appreciated, these are beautiful."

"well i did think of you when i was picking them out."

his words made me blush as i lead us both into the kitchen, getting a vase down and filling it with water.

"do you mind if i arrange these before we get started with the movie?"

he sat at one of the bar stools on the other side of the counter.

"be my guest."

i unwrapped the rubber band on them and slid them out of the plastic.

"i got everything out so if you wanna start eating youre more than welcome."

i said picking up a strawberry and popping it into my mouth, sending him a reassuring smile as i cut the stems of the flowers to fit in the vase.

"you really went above and beyond."

he said looking over what i had made. i wouldnt necessarily say it was a lot but i didnt really know what he liked so i got options.

"well if theres one thing i am its an overachiever."

i joked nervously and he sent me a smile, picking up one of the oreos and biting into it.

"theres nothing wrong with that. i could probably say the same of myself but im more of a perfectionist than an overachiever. everything always has to be just the way i want it, which is kind of hard when youre on the road all the time but you learn to work around it."

i nodded along to what he was saying.

"do you like it?"

he looked up at me with wide eyes.

"being on the road i mean. i know you said you were in a band but surely you must like it."

he laughed a little bit.

"oh yeah, im a real road rat. i love getting to travel all over the place and perform and just experience stuff."

i nodded along again, pushing the now full vase to the side and leaning into the counter with my arms crossed under me.

"i dont know if id ever be able to do that. like it sounds fun in theory but i think id yearn for a stable home life after a while."

he rubbed his hands across his thighs.

"yeah i get that, its not for everyone, specially for people who have careers and families but ive never really thought about that stuff as an interest. like yeah itd be cool to have a wife or at least life long partner but the kids and stuff ive never really entertained the idea of."

i smiled at him, laughing a little bit.

"same here, kids are kind of a no go for me. like dont get me wrong i love my nieces but taking care of a small human is so much work and its so time consuming."

"right? plus you have to worry about what theyre doing at every moment and i definitely dont need that kind of stress in my life."

i picked up a cookie and tapped it against the counter.

"ya know i never thought id be having a conversation about family goals on a first date."

i looked up at him and he smiled at me nervously.

"well i guess you just go where the conversation leads you right?"

i nodded before taking a bite of the cookie.

"that you do. but i guess since we're on the topic. have you been actively looking for someone to date?"

i raised a brow as he looked down at his lap, thinking about my question.

"if im being honest no, but with the life i have id be lying if i said i didnt miss not having someone to share stuff with. just like someone who gets me and is willing to be there for me."

i looked up at him with hopeful eyes that this would go well.

"and you think that might be me?"

he shrugged.

"maybe. id say things are going pretty well so far."

i half smiled.

"id say so too."

he picked up another oreo.

"what do you say about that movie?"

i perked up a bit.

"yes, you pick, i got out a few that i think you might like."

i stood up and walked into the living room, him being right behind me. i watched his face light up at what i had laid out on the coffee table.

"sick!"

he said picking a few up and looking at them.

"oh yeah, i definitely think this is going to go well."

i laughed a little at his reaction.

"which one first?"

[gwendolynalbrecht]

A none fan Re-Write Idea for TLOS2 (please dont kill me)

Okay... this will be long and first things first: Im not a fan. Or an angry guy. I know the very basics of the first game and as someone who enjoyed zombies (yes yes they are infected hush hush) and gaming quite a bit I stumbled over the leaks and rumors and the absolute horrible way Naughty Dog is acting. Towards their paying, loyal, fanbase... and customers most importanlty. So I gave the plot a look. Listening to the honest player reviews and yes I fully understand the anger and the disappointment really. SPOILERS Now imagine your favorite show. You favorite character, husbando, waifu son or daughter who cares, and in the long awaited next episode, the wait was long, your fanfavorite beloved character gets killed in the least caring manner possible and overly brutal to boot wouldnt you be just the smallest bit sad or mad too? Especially if they were dumped down to even die? To a point where they are out of character? We all would be come on. And its kinda sad too, we dont get many good dad characters in general.  Anyway I looked the plot over and I think we can all agree that its boring and predictable at best and utter dogshit (how fitting) at worst. And I had a bit of a thought on how the revenge idea could still work even with a bit of focus on gender and sexuality with the girls in focus still.  This is based on a YouTubers idea too, I couldnt find him again but I still wanted to mention it. So from what I know Ellie? Has a girlfriend, which is cute they seem adorkable from the material I viewed but lets get mean. What if, keeping all the (misleading) trailers in mind, the girlfriend is the one killed. Yes I know. We dont want to end our queer peeps all the time but Ellie still counts and she is one badass after all. But we are in the endtimes, mankinds numbers have dwindled, tribes exist again, it wouldnt be farfetched to find one if not more groups of fanatical people who are anti same-sex relationships because those couples cant reproduce and “safe” the speices. And Ellie and her girlfriend (so sorry I dont remember her name and I just want to smack my idea in your faces while its fresh) in the beginning and set up hours run into one, we are introduced the the nutters, the poor girl dies and our revenge plot is on the go. Ellie tries to sneak away later and like in the trailer EndtimeDad Joel? Tells her he will go with her, like the good bloody dad he is/was and we get into the game.  Now here is one of my huge ideas for Abby. We can keep most of her backstory really, her dad dying due to Joel and all. BUT and thats a big big juicy BUT Abby is NOT the one who kills Joel. In fact they never meet. Follow me here alright? This is anti revenge right? In a bleak, everyone may die universe. So what if Joel dies, protecting Ellie during the hunt / research part of the game. He is gone and out of the way, him dying for Ellie would probably make his death more impactful than the cheap provided shock value they provided and we still get the dead dad. Ellie now alone with no one else by her side has nothing else to keep driving her forward but her revenge.  And back to Abby, Im not to sure how to properly get her gameplay in, she would still be hunting Joel so she would of course be unaware of his death. And perhaps the girls cross paths much sooner in that near cult like groups outpost (maybe they have more settlements) Abby stumbles into them and her buff appearance have her mistaken as trans and she gets captured, her captors refusing to listen to reason, showing just how insane these lunatics are at that point. And they decide to maybe kill her or fore her to breed something horrible, we dont have to shy back from that after all.  At that place I would let the girls meet actually. Ellie finding that place on her hunt for that killer of her GF and she frees Abby and some other captives maybe, they escape together with one of them maybe getting injured, they stick together for a bit and bond vengance and the search for a murder being something they have in common but it ultimately comes out that Ellie knew and was close to Joel which creates a huge rift, but also at that point Abby learns the man she has hunted is already dead. (which tbh would be half expected I mean the world isnt that easy to survive in) and we are first hit with the over all theme of the game of revenge being meaningless in the end. As Abby has to face the fact that the man had died, like anyone else. She know finds herself empty and lost, very angry too the girls fighting for sure and Ellie is presented with the lie from the first games ending. Either way she still has her goal and while we get to see her struggle with that information she will move on and the girls split up with Abby now having no meaning or goal and we might delve into some serious dark places with her mentally but she stumbles into a side plot and finds other purpose. This is were my idea slowly loses detail since I obviously dont know how to fully hammer home a good “revenge is futile” ending for Ellie, maybe its still similar to the one we got, with her giving up but perhaps she found someone else who opened her eyes as sappy and clichee as it would be, someone she might met when staking out an outpost or something DISCLAIMERS: No no Im not a salty fanbrat I promise, I feel like the game had some massive potential and just wanted to share a creative little spark I got from it.  !!! I dont think I can make or write a better story than the game developers !!! Im not saying this would have turned out better !!! THIS IS JUST FOR FUNZIES!!! Why not share your own ideas, Im sure we got some FanFic authors around here and some AU fun stories sound like a good little creative exercise, you could take any show, book, game that might have disappointed you and give it your own spin, no harm done after all. This was litereally just something that popped to my mind with the plot points I gathered 

[hitchell-mope]

Just put on the movie

And there we go. The dedication is there.

Oh god the rapping.

My palms will be bloody by the time this is over.

But I like the parallels to the first movie

To much auto tune

There goes my heart Disney.

Oh lord that’s high

Bbys. Smee twins

WHY WASNT DIZZY THERE FROM FILM TWO

There’s my child Celia

MY BOY!!!!

I mean Mal has a point.

He thinks it through

I love him so fucking much

Loving Doug’s hair

Rat bastard. Rat bitch. Rat fairy (Adam belle Verna)

Fuck off leah chad Audrey

😍😍😍😍. This version is better then d1

SUCK IT PASTEL COW

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

Oh Evie love. Just tell him you love him

FUCK OFF YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

YES WE WOULD PREFER MAL TO YOU YA BITCH

I hate you Adam and belle

Ben and the other three are adorable family

Still hating Audrey. So. Fucking. Much

Love the purple limo

WHY IS TREMAINE NICE. IT MAKES NO SENSE

Bal parent vibes are strong

They shoulda painted the limo roof purple

Dying of cuteness

Proud fiancé Mal. Love it

Fuck off leah

Here’s papa hades. And the ham.

DRAGON MAL. WHOO HOO

Ah well. Nice while it lasted

NOT HER JOB PASTEL COW

So. Much. Ham.

Poor girl. Ouch.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. I still hate her and her geriatric bitch of a grandmother

Oh bitch please. First words out of your mouth were creel. And it ain’t abated

I’m supposed to be sorry for this sad act? I don’t think so

So. Much. Rapping

Oh. SPARE ME WOMAN

Still theft. Throw her on the isle with her grandmother

Lonely and friendless. Because Mal is so much better then you ya limp noodle

Gotta be bad on the back

YOU DESERVE A SLAP AROUND THE FACE YOU SPOILED BRAT

Seriously though. The actual singing is better then the rapping. So gotta give satah her dues

Fuck off grown ups.

YOU PUT THEN THERE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACD

Blue bitch. Just like always belle

Ok. People. You can see it’s hurting bal to do this. KILL THE BEAST

DONT CRY BABY BOY. PLEASE. LAST TIME ALMOST KILLED ME

Murder. The fucking. Parents

Evie. Evie’s sensible. Listen to your sister Mal.

And here comes the guilt. Like always. The narrative blames Mal

That darn cake

Ah. Pain. Hug them now

And jump scare

Oh god. Shut up Audrey. You’re a sore loser

Eh. The prosthesis look ok

Audrey. Nutter. Ben was more then ready to start the honeymoon when Mal was a dragon. Do you really think a hag would stop him?

😂😂😂😂

Oh boy

That’s a lie and you know it bluey.

At least the bikes have an explanation

Why the red for Evie though

And the mutt speaks

Fuck off Chad. I hate you so much

This bitch again

So shrieky.

Kiss ass

Real original

Jump Jane jump!

So many neck cricks

No one tells him anything

Cella’s right Mal

Overly long gag. But cute

Awww 🥰🥰🥰🥰. At least he’s a good dad

Nice reference

And the fear mongering begins.

And here’s the cryptid. He shoulda died in it’s going down

Psycho bitch pirate whore

Cella’s a troll and I love it

The vehicle needs an oil change

At least he’s sleeping. Though that position can not be comfortable

At long last the reveal.

He’s funny. And hot. (I can see where @mochacake2016 is coming from)

We know! We know

And here’s the music

😂😂😂😂.

He’s got a point

Ok.

THERES NO PHONES ON THE ISLAND QUEEN MAL

She actually sounds like jade west here

So far. Besides the proposal. This is my favourite song. Mostly for Hades great looks. Great voice

And the tambourine

Would be better with purple and blue fire effects. But no. We can’t have nice things. They spent the budget on pirate whores make up

She’s got a point. They both do

LISTEN TO HIM

Proud papa

C’mon girl. Cry

Of course she told her sister

He’s a good king.

T-shirt should be ripped.

🤮🤮🤮🤮. Hate her so much

And. Here. We. Go.

Benny. I love you. But did you not hear what she said to Evie when you first met the vks. Of course not. You were lost in Mal’s eyes.

Oh god. PLEASE SOMEBODY GO AND MELT HER

Whore man is probably skunk drunk. Gil’s cute as ever though

Throw hook in the water. And keep it there.

🎶she’s back🎶

And there screwed

He makes feel physically sick

Uma. I love ya. But honestly. Mal owes no one anything. It’s not her job.

No it ain’t

Jay’s got a point

Oh honey

Hook. In the words of the irreverent Captain Jack Sparrow “if the bikes be crashed properly. You be crashed along with it”. Not you Gil. I like you

Mother hen strikes again. Uma ain’t buying what she’s selling

Pure child Celia. (I don’t use this very much but) Gil’s babey (it feels wrong to type£

Chicken arms. No brains. No wit. No dance skills. No rapping skills. Ya basically a walking corpse hook

The dogs giving me a nervous twitch.

I hate the pair of them so no. No sympathy for prince douche bag

Gil makes me cry so simply

Stab the pirate jay. Please. For all of us

Psycho bitch

I want. It. Dead. Brutally. Dead

And more music. If this weren’t Disney they coulda melted them yo pukes of goo and pour it down Harry’s throat.

Oh god

So she can’t count either. Just like her brother

Definitely cha cha slide.

Deep sigh

So much ham.

Here’s a funny idea. How about instead of a bloody pantomime. ACTUALLY FUCKING FIGHT YOU FECKERS

Synchronised armour dancing. That’s new

Oh for fuck sake

Ha ha. Save it for the sob story bitch

What’s next a kick line

Thank god I was wrong.

Hook should be suffocated under the armour right now. Put us out of our misery

Care bear alert

I had to have a flu jab today. And it weren’t as painful as every single nanosecond hooks on screen

Love the platonic affection (I hate the very concept of malvie. What did you expect?)

Mother alert

Don’t eat wild fruit honey

So cute. But so dumb

Oh. Phineas and Ferb reference

Awww babies.

Don’t you dare tell me Mal doesn’t care.

THEY FOUND DOUG

Uma’s so done with care bear bs

More singing. Yay(!)

Please. Remind me again exactly why this is a DCOM. Cause it honestly does not feel like it what with the backstory pirate whores entire existence and the choreography

How has evie not broken a leg in this number.

Believe me Mal and Uma. I feel your frustration they go together like peanut butter and chocolate spread. (Perfectly if you didn’t know)

Where is she going?

She knows how R&J ended right? Double suicide. Why the romanticism huh?

HE IS NOT A RAG DOLL! Though props to Zachary for not corpsing

How can you hate Doug. He’s adorable. Best straight couple ever

There’s ma boy. Rip Harry’s throyatvout plwae.

Ben’s always been hot. But this is definitely working for me.

Awww. Carlos helping his papa

Wet Ben. Yum

Awww. Janelos cuteness.

Love the beard. So good. 🤤🤤🤤🤤

Someone murder the man whore before I do.

He makes me wanna throw up. And I’m not physically capable of doing that

@rpsocsandcanonohmy. I get where you’re coming from. But I also get where Ben is coming from. Sunbeam did get him abducted. And man slut tried to feed him to sharks. So I do understand both points. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong though

JUST. EXPLAIN. HIS MIND IS BEAST ADDLED

Shoulda let Ben slash hooks throat jay. You’re slipping buddy

Mal’s eating crow

Hopefully he chad suffocates. Then she’s have done one thing that wasn’t completely worthlessly reprehensible

🎶feelings🎶

And it had to ruin it

Te-am work. As plankton says

Proud sister

Boys are back. (With dude and the mutt in tow)

YAAAAAAAAAY

I hate happy harry. But I do like happy Uma. Eh. Double edged sword

BAL THIRST. FINALLY

Shoulda gone with Janelos. Jarlos is from big time rush

Oh they’re so cute

Poor Doug.

DOUG AND GIL FRIENDSHIP.

So. Update. Might be like Mal. (Definitely loving Ben’s facial hair)

Yawning over chad. So pathetic

Her seat from him douchey mcuseless

Poor Janey

Cats outta the bag

Once again. I kinda understand all points. Yeah Mal shouldn’t have lied. But Uma didn’t really give her and choice. And Evie just kinda assumed. And no one really lets her explain anything.

Hooks still pathetic. Even hurt emotionally I still wanna punch his roger rabbit looking face (Sorry Roger)

Oh dear

Mal. Don’t apologise. You did what you felt you needed to do. And no gives you a chance to explain. Ever.

Yes. You needed to do what you could.

Excellent acting all around as usual

Evie. Look. I love you. Your favourite number seven. But WHY IS IT YOUR SISTERS JOB. WHY DOES EVERYONE MAKE IT MALS PROBLEM

Ha! Evie said it. She said family.

Oh fuck. Taken for granite

More singing.

Monster/story/invincible

I do want to stab Harry in the mouth with the hook

More flashback. Yay(.). Couldn’t they fill out the runtime

Flashbacks. TO THE START OF THE SO G THE FLASHBACK IS FROM. OH FOR FUCK SAKES

More dragon.

Audrey’s performance might make me a vegetarian

How is it not crushed by the claws?

Fire should be green

Yay. Auds dead. Please say yes?

The twins say literally one thing

From magical incantation to vaguely irritating verbal tick. Well alright then

Evie. Why do you sound so sad. It’s a good thing Audrey’s dying. The ultimate price and all that. You should be glad. It’s a good thing

Mal: he’s my father. Ben: shocked face. Me: makes a sound like a boiling kettle

Bye bye facial hair

Die slut

More eating crow

The in laws meet

Exactly hades. Exactly. Knee beast in the dick

God Ben’s so hot.

Bite Adam’s throat out please hades

Should’ve let Audrey waste away. And sent granny to Tartarus to meet her

OH SPARE ME YOUR BLEEDING HEART ROUTINE! I still hate you in a fundamental level

OH FINALLY YOU GERIATRIC BITCH

Nice little family moment

What the fuck is Evie’s dress?

Queen Mal has a very nice ring to it.

Sure you can. You owe them noting. You owe nobody anything

Jay has a pull back braid in his hair. Yay!

“Audrey would be gone”. You say it as though that’s a bad thing

“Insert woody woodpecker laugh”. Fuck you Adam

Compromise. Bring the vks over. And plop Adam Audrey chad anleah on the isle. Sink it into the ocean

Why didn’t Verna bring the barrier down. Oh yeah. Cause then she’d be useful

More singing

At least this takes place in daylight

I still hate harry

Push Harry in the drink please. IM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU

God I love Ben and Doug

Why the Charleston?

I still hate tremaine

Well. Jane. In ZM. You met Mal. She’s Carlos’s mother in this au

Giljay. It’s cute

So Harry makes me ill right upbto the end. Now he’s related to purple and blue

🎶a bitch is in the dog house🎶. And deservedly so

🤮🤮🤮🤮

Sweet little king

Oh boy

Whore has a turkey neck

This is the end. Good movie. With some unneeded bits. I’m gonna change a lot in ZM part three. And both dedications broke me.

[salosion]

I Know Y👁U’RE Not Shocked Only Cause It Makes Sense, And When It Makes Sense It Takes The Element of Surprise Away Cause Logic Great But Can Be Lame But Were In This Game Perfectly Divine To Navigate To Gardens Of Euphoric Love.

As I Was Saying While Y👁UR Eyes Keep Ice Skating Alongst My I Have The Power Here Cause When You’re Intrigued Thats When Seduction Appears What Was Leaked What Mystery Did Appear Take a Peak The Gardens Wisdom Is Beyond Knowledges Barriers.

Poets Spew & As I Do I’ll Tie Up The Time It Took To Generate a Hook and Be Able To Say I Love You I say it ALL THE TIME CAUSE YOU YES YOUUU YES I DO I FUCKING LOVE

Y👁👁UUU Hey Atleast I Made Some Wings For Your Heart When You Read What It Took To Depart See I Only Overflow Give G👑D & LOVE Sensitive See.

Only Sensitivity Sees The Breeze’s Drafts Winds Wings Wonderous Songs.

I Said See 👀 For a Reason & Before That I Said Sensitive /\ Sensitivity.

People Are Too Sensitive & Not Sensitive Enough.

What The Hell Is Wrong With Y’all You’re a Garden.

RADI🌞TE.

As I Exasperate Y👁UR Amusement Cake 🎂 And Expand Y🌞UR HEARTS AWAKENING

But Y👁U Always Stay Cause From Me Y👁U Always Take The Food That Feeds The Soul.

So Confused Yell Y👁UR Spews

Y👁U Got No Facts, Y👁U Got No Proof; Thats What Fucking Poets Do Tickle Thunder Tunnel Under In Around Surrender Longer With The Truth Thats Already In Y👁UR Face We Delictaley Bake Our Surroundings What We Take Our Words Feelings and Thoughts and Words

Musters Up Into Words That Set Y👁U Free &

Limit Y👁U Is ALL Y 👁U Take I Vibrate Science Shit a My Mistake ill apologize for and mean it cause I nuisanced👃 Y👁U but won’t give a shit because I did it for Y🫀U &

Y👁UR heart to reach it’s overflow I don’t give 👅Fucks Fucks as you Already Ya Tu Sabe La Ascensor Solo Sube Nunca Bajes Nunca Baja De Sus Nuves Austronave Te Vuelan Y Te Llevan A Cielos Cielos Tienen De Cielos Sueñoss Ni Si Queiran Imaginamaban Se Sabian Saben La Ascensor Solo Sube Nunca Bajen. Ya Already knew me know just of you as you know cause💦 I do as you know Loves the truth as you know I’ll 💦 Send Chills down 💧

Y👁UR Corners Corners spines👃 Will Vibrate Cause Sensitivity Is Loves Divine I Ain’t No Glitch You Won’t See Me Cry Unless That Heart She Itch My Soul Tore Divine; Sensitive Is Lit It’s What allows lit to be lit with out sensitive you can’t lit the fire with the stick or the match or the witch of the magician or the wich flip stick switch you are so rich Y👁UR HOLY FLOW WITH BLOOD OF Love And Thunder GLOWWW That Gyrates All The Truth.

I’ll 💦 Send Chills down 💧

Y👁UR Corners Corners spines👃 Will Vibrate

Once Y👁U Hear it There Is No Use Y👁U Just Have The Opportunity To Merge With It & If

Y👁UR Heart ♥️ & Mind 🧠 Are Big Enough Abuse This Gift of Miracles G👑D Gave Us Too Give I Give Until I Give Cause Loves My Only Lift While I Smoke This Spliff Ny Body Needs a Hit My Soul The Love It Lifts With The Substance That Keeps Keeping Us Alive, The Sustenance We ALL ALREADY DIED REINCARNATED TO SURVIVE YOUR SOUL IS FREE DONT REINCARCERATE THE WILL THATS DEEP TO DIVE JUMP AND SWIM ALL TOGETHER WERE MEANT TO SWIM BUILD ATLANTIS RIDE DOLPHINS Like JET SKIS With Cigar Pipes and robes and pop tarts with a rose; ALONE YOU STAND STRONG TILL YOURE OUT OF BREATHE AND DESPAIR DROWNS YOU IN ITS SEA. TOGETHER ALL ALONG THAT WAS THE WISDOM OF THE KEY AND THE HEART of THE HOLY CROWN.

As I Y👁U Trippy View Salo True Crazy Too But Sanely True

.

As I Was Saying Before I Slithered Through.

The Point Is (#ProblemsofaPoet I Know Y👁U Never Met One Like Muahh💋💋💋💋 So Dope and Raaaa taaa taaa They All Try To Paint With Their Life & their Words They Do But Dont I Get Y👁U Lost In The Streams Of The Souls Creativity Is The Most Precious Divinity of This Miracoulous Gift So Life, Most Play a Game Live Life Twice One In a Frame In Disguise And Another In a Frame Free From Eyes I Live This Shit In The Skys Full Of Love NAKED IM THE PRIZE COME TAKE IT BEFORE YOU TRIED. My Genius’ƨ Oh My’d Can’t Live Any Other Way Then Bleed The Trees That Caress The Day Was Made To Take YOURR BREATHE AWAYYY THIS LOVEEE I BLEEED LIKE THE CREATOR MADEEE TO PLAY PERFECTIONS RAYS SHINE FOR DAYS DIVINITY TRANSALATES THE YEARS IN TOUNGES FREQUENCY HEARS AND CLEARS AND The Leaves They Take Y👁U Aw🌳y and Land Y👁U There Here Where What How Wow Dear Share Care Love Now Fear Is a False Falasity Put There To Have and Create Be Able To HAVEEEE THE LOVEEEEE YOUUU FUCKINGGGG COLDD HEARTEDDD IDIOTSSSSS !!

🚀

THE LEAVESSSS They Fucking Caress and For ALL You “Tough Motherfuckers” Who Don’t Use Words That Stress Your

Feelings Are So Beautiful ELABORATE DISSECT AND BLESSSSSS Don’t Hide Inside Your Nest of Shadows Thought Y👁U Weren’t The Best Or Worthy At All. The Only Reason

Y👁UR Beautiful Gift Exists To Give and Take a Shit Is CAUSE YOURE FUCKING ITT THE KINGGG /\ QUEEEEN MEANT TO SERVE THE KINGGGGGG /\ QUEEEN G👑D ONE G👑D /\ LOVE AND FUCKINGGG WORTHY ENOUGH

DONT FOR a Second Take This Shit For Granted Y👁UR STILL HERE Cause Y👁UR HEART ACTED DEAR IN THIS LIFE OR PAST LIFES REARS. Y👁UR ONLY STILL HERE CAUSE YOUR LOVE IS MORE THEN NEEDED ITS PLEADED BY GODDDDD and DAMNNN IF YOUR LOVE IS PLEADED BY GODDD YOU MUST BE FUCKING THE SPECIALESTT!!!

Y👁UR’E ONLY STILL HERE READING THESE WORDS THAT SEDUCE THE H🕳LE 👄Ƨ IN YOUR TUMMY’S CASCADE CHANDELLIERS CLEAR WATER FALL FALL WATERFALLS AND FLOWS AMD GROWS TILL IT GLOWS MORE THEN IT DID BEFORE WITH YOUR SOUL CAUSE YOUR’E WH♥️LE AND SEEKING WHAT YOU ARE YOURE ONLY STILL HERE CAUSE

Y💎U ARE A FUCKING ST🌟R AND FUCKINGGGG WORTHY ENOUGHH OF LOVE SO UNBOUND UNIMAGINABLE UNFOUND UNTANGIBLE NO SOUND CAN REACH ITS FRACTABLE HALLS BUT YET THAT ECHO IN YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW IT Calls Calling Calls WHEN YOU EXPECTED DIDNT THINK I THOUGHT I SAID IT HELLO WOULD You Thought I Said It SAY HELLO AND REPeat it again hello but what flow will he bend hello did i surprise you my friend hell no maybey you did with that lend it let it go ALLL THE WAY the sense it makes sense it beautifully beyond see a fucking Poet only a poet can explain this shit cause he feels it to the point where he has to tie the gift so perfectly that it fits and hits and dips and fixes your soul while it lifts surprises that orgasmic tip i penetrate with It my /\ Our lift lift lift LIFTTY Y👁U UPPPP TILLL YOU GIVEEE GIVEEE GIVEEEEEE ALLL UP ALLLL OF UPPPP AND JUST GIVE GIVEE GIVEEE GIVEEEEEEE ME MORE OF THIS UGHHHHHHH GIFTTTTTT.

Y👁U ALREADY ARE THE ULTIMATE GIFT 🎁

Come Lick My Tips The Knowledge Flys.

The View From Here.

“Oh My”

- EVERYONƎ

“Oh My”

- Y👁U

As I Was Saying Before I Threw Up On Y👁UR Day In

As I Was Saying Before What I Only Ever Intended To Need To Want To Say EVERYTHING SO BEAUTIFULLY ELEGANTLY WITH DRIP 💧 💎

Lost This Confusions Okay.

But How Can He Be But Not Nay Other Way.

If I Wasn’t True To ALLL &

To Me

Truest In Every Fucking WAYY.

👑👑👑 The Psychedelic King 👑👑

👑👑👑 Salomon Joseph Sion 👑👑👑

What a Trip.

You thought and said and said outloud to your friends then looked at each other with confirmations edge this one he might be actually be fucking wholesome le organically whole and on a fucking roll cause to the greatest party’s I only roll and roll a million rolls more the spliff no more choice rolling on a roll rock and roll that’s His Soul Salo Sion There He Go Where He Go I Follow Cause Y👁U Already Knew Y👁U Know Salos Can ALWAYS BE TRUSTED and Y👁U Already Knew Y👁U Salo’s Kinda Almost Always Also Right Some How. Idk How Either Actually I Do It’s Easy You’re Also Smart Just Use More Of Y👑UR Heart.

So Again (Too Much of a Poet He Can’t Speech!!!! SPEECHHH!!! SPEECCHHH!!! Normal)

So again As I Was Saying Before

I Know Y👁U’RE Not Shocked Only Cause It Makes Sense That The Best Artist On The Worlds Block Gave Birth To The Best Artist In The Verses Verses Verses Verse Get Me In The Wring With Any Opponent Ill Make Them SINGGG Drip Paint First They’ll Learn So Much They’ll Come Right Back Need That Thirst More of Y👁UR Special Precious Royal Salo Wine.

So Divine From Eden’s Vines.

Salo Rhymes Cause He’s Already Tied The Logic Of Life So Profound I Have Fun With It. I Mean IM ALWAYSSS TELLINGGGG YOU to slideeee ILL bring out the most authentic pasta of Y👁U WHICH MAKE YOU THE DOPEST MOTHER FUCKER IN ALL OF LANDS COME HELP LAND THIS STARSHIP WE DIDNT PLAN BUT PLned to Thought the did we? Naa No Ego For Me Only Eggo’s Right Now To Fuel Me Up To Do Good Deeds Pray And Thank and Love To G👑D Did I Always Somehow Make you shocked ? Slide to my shows your world

G👑D put Me Here To Rock. 🎸

Y👁U Might Be Shocked Now Cause I Got You To Stay This Long Like Wow But Then You Tied Sense To The Sense Thats How Did I Take Away an /\ any Element /\ Elements Showed You How

To Magically Use Them To Y👁UR Bestest Benefit.

Ofcourse It Makes Fucking Sense

That The Best Fucking Artist @ On The Worlds Planets Universes Block Gave Birth To

This Nutter & Best Friend.

I’m Nuttier Then a Pack of Cashews 🥜

Came Up With ALL Glow All On Myself TM. ©

♾ 🙏 AMEN 🙏 ♾

Salo Sion ©

Y👁U Couldn’t Copy Be Steal Love To Be Me If Y👁U Tried.

Y👁U Couldn’t Try To Be If You Tried.

Y👁U Also Don’t Want Too Cause You Know Its Impossible Know You Can’t.

Y👁U Don’t Drip This Hue Is a Colour So Grand.

I Dr💧p So Hard I Nourish The Plants. 🌹

You Drip So Hard The Drool Is What Lands And Then Waters The Lands of The Gardens Grands

But Y👁U Are So Great And So Much Greater Then Me I Just AM.

and If This Were Not But Again ONLY FUCKING STRAIGHT UP FACTSS THIS PACK OF CASHEWS ONLY ALWAYS POETICALLY FUCKINGLY TICKLES SPEWS.

And is This Were Not True That Y👁U’RE So Greattt FUCKINGGGG GREATERRR THEN THE NEWEST GENERATIONS KINGGG

👑👑👑 SALO 👑👑👑

If This Was Not Facts True Then How The Fuck Could I Truly Genuinely Love You ?

LIFES a Paradox 🎁 Thank You Mother For Blood and Skin and More Then Love Counts Eveything I Play With So Much Fucking Soul They All Think I’m

Crazy Cause They haven’t touched the drops of the droplets of te drops of the hearts to your tums you feel it in knots never done forever he rocks KINGDOMSSSS COMEEESS.

🎁

I LOVE Y😘U

IF Y👁U DONT LOVE ME I STILL ADORE

Y👁U & TRULY DO NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCKS FUCK GO GIVE A FLYING FUCKS FUCKS MAYBEY THEN YOU’LL GET THAT PROMOTION.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CJrfSI6lg2p/?igshid=aejbq3u77txj

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Salo Sion (@salo_sion)

[captainstevenrogerswrites]

@missusrogerswrites

A soft growl escaped his throat as she told him dont take her home then, didnshe realise how hard it was already to not take her ontop of this car bonnet? Licking his lips, his beard stroking over her neck, he purred then chuckled "that sounds perfect but i dont know if I trust my wandering hands in bed with you" his hot breath danced along her neck and her scent filled his senses making him groan against that soft skin. He then smirked "I'm sure I could still reach you from the chair still though"

As she looked back to look at him, her hands around his hips he couldnt help but smile softly at her, her hands wrapping around his waist as his arms wrapped around her back, still dancing to the now non existent music. He hummed softly as they moved, her words making his breath catch in his throat but he grinned as he nuzzled his head against hers "Dont worry baby, I'll catch you." His tone was no more than a whisper. Having her in his arms felt right and like home and he was quickly realising that if he wasnt touching her in some way, he was hurting.

As she grinned he chuckled, cupping her cheek, he looked into those beautiful eyes "you'll do anything for a kiss Lucy" smirking he leaned down and kissed her lips softly before pulling away "now we cant break rules can we? Has to be a goodnight kiss at your door as well" as she hugged into him again, he held her "I smell like you" he referred to using her shower gel, not that he was complaining either. Looking down he still expected to see the dark, dirty clothes he had adorned for years but saw two clean arms, a clean white shirt and pants and sneakers. He knew this part would take a whole to get used too.

Slowly walking backwards, he leaned into the car, his arm around her waist as he switched the engine off "got to remember where I parked now?" He smirked, kissing her forehead as he took his hand in hers and walked her towards the stairs, giving her one last twirl. Keeping her close, he ducked down as he lead them down the spiral staircase and back into the carriage as if they hadnt just visited the stars together. He didnt let go of her hand as he kept her as close as the corridors would allow. Until reaching her room, turning to face her, one hand cupped her cheek "I've really enjoyed this date, Luce. " he smiled and he meant it, he couldnt remember the last time he had felt so genuinely happy and relaxed. Leaning close he kissed her lips softly, slowly pulling away, a big, loved up grin plastered all over his lips.

Without warning, he ducked, turning and lifted her up onto his back, his strong arm wrapped around her leg as he opened her door and walked them in chuckling. Walking towards the wardrobe he tutted over dramatically "before I get you to wear nothing, we need some nightwear dont you think" looking over his shoulder he smirked, spinning her around without warning then dropped her on the bed, stumbling onto it himself as he couldnt stop laughing. Damn his chest hurt through the laughing and she coudlve thought he was an absolute nutter here. Looking over at her as he smiled , his hand resting on her thigh "I truly want to cuddle you tonight if you'll still have me. I love having you in my arms, my sweet Lucy"

The Ice Prison Revolution

What happens when your right to be human and live is taken away from you? Your fight for pure survival can be bloody but its not a choice, someone has to get back your simple rights to live or what is there left ????

A Lucy x Curtis crossover.

@missusrogerswrites​

Keep reading

[thewidowstanton]

Dangerous Steve, outdoor showman, comedy actor, Sideshow Illusions performer

Dangerous Steve is the stage name of Steve Collison, who was born in King’s Lynn but grew up near the Buckinghamshire village of Middle Claydon. He had the most extraordinary childhood and started living up to his name by doing dangerous things at a ridiculously young age. He was billed – by agents such as Bernard Woolley, TB Phillips and Temple’s Gala agency – as ‘the World’s Youngest Motorcycle Stunt Rider’. As well as touring internationally as Dangerous Steve, he has also worked with Magic Carpet Theatre – where he is company manager – for 30 years. And he regularly performs with Jon Marshall’s Sideshow Illusions and Dr Phantasma’s Amazing Ten in One Show.

Steve is married to fellow Sideshow Illusions performer Alexandra Collison, who was my first Widow interviewee, under her maiden name of Boanas. Alex, who is a trained soprano and has an MA in performance, often plays Yvette – the Headless Lady, Miss Elastina and No-Middle Myrtle, as well as Romana the Gypsy Queen on the Ladder of Swords. They have two children, Flossie and Winnie, who are almost destined to follow in their parents’ showbusiness footsteps. Steve chats to Liz Arratoon.

The Widow Stanton: When and how did you start stunt riding? Dangerous Steve: My dad, Peter, was the butler at Claydon House stately home in Buckinghamshire. At Christmas when I was five, Sharon, my sister, was getting lots of presents and I almost started getting a bit teary because I noticed I wasn’t getting as many. Then I was taken into the other room where there was a big present. Somewhere I’m on Cine film; there’s me unwrapping a motorbike, and apparently I just stood there shaking for ages, which was very funny. I started off just riding round the estate for a while but dad wasn’t very impressed with me just haring around on a motorbike, he wanted me to do tricks and stuff like that.

As a child, to be brought up at Claydon House… I was the only one on the estate as my sister went away to boarding school as a dancer. Sometimes I just wanted to kick a football around with my friends; on the other hand I did go around the estate thinking how lucky I was and how amazing the views over the lake were on summer evenings. We used to live in the courtyard. There was a swimming pool and stuff like that, which Sir Ralph and Lady Verney never really used, so I had my own little swimming pool. They were like my grandparents. I’d go round there on Christmas day and open presents with them.

I joined The Spirit of Britain junior motorcycle display team, which was run by a guy called Gus Scott, who used to train Eddie Kidd. I was with them from when I was five years old to seven. They were based in Luton and I toured around with them, but because I had so much space at home and they could only meet twice a week, I started practising all the tricks alone. My dad was thinking, ‘Well, he can now do all these tricks himself’, so he started taking me to do all the galas and carnivals around the country to perform on my own. Your dad sounds amazing. What sort of dad would give his kid a motorbike? Did he want to be in showbusiness himself? Yes, he did. He was very different. He managed to get an Equity card and had done some extra work and been in shows doing whatever he was asked to do. I think people are now quite interested in butlers and stately homes. My mum was very proud of me but would only watch me once I could do the tricks without falling off. I hurt myself but I never broke any bones with the motorbike. My dad was very good at starting off with quite basic things and was very strict on making sure I did things the right way. How much fun was all this for a kid? It was very exciting. I couldn’t sleep the week before a show. We’d go away in a big lorry and it was like a holiday, apart from I used to have to map-read. Some of these country fairs are in the middle of nowhere and one wrong turn, you could end up backing the lorry two miles down the road in the way of tractors… I soon got very good at map-reading because otherwise I’d get into so much trouble. I was doing tricks jumping over fire and through fire at seven or eight. Dad was very good at building props and made a tunnel of fire. Once we’d got the frame with all the fire straw in the middle of the park – we’d found a field without any sheep on it – I remember saying to him just before we lit it, ‘Dad, when we light the fire, what if I don’t want to do it?’, and he said: “You will do it. Now I’ve built it, you’ll do it.”

Once they were built, there was no going back and I’d practise and practise and practise. As I got older, people expected more from me, so the ability went up with my age; bigger jumps, bigger fire, pyrotechnics… because it was only me, whereas some of the bigger army display teams, like the White Helmets, would fill the stage. I had a load of publicity when I was awarded The Star newspaper Best in Britain award, presented by David Essex. I was sponsored by National, the petrol firm who used Smurfs to promote their brand. Sharon joined the act. Later she became a dancer and choreographer and now runs Claydons Academy, teaching dance and drama, but then she was a Smurf! Were you paid appearance fees? Yes. Once when I had a three-week tour in Scotland, the whole family came up there because it was in the summer holidays. We all stayed in a tent and it rained for most of the time. I can remember waking up one morning floating on an airbed. I didn’t realise until I put my foot outside the sleeping bag into a load of water that the whole family was floating! I’d get paid every week and we’d accumulated quite a bit of cash. The Leeds Building Society was doing deals at the gala that if you were a child you could open a bank account with £1 and you got a money box and a bag and stuff like that. Mum and dad decided the safest thing to do with the money was to go to open up an account. I was about eight. They were expecting me to give £1 and suddenly I had this wad of cash. They must have wondered where I’d got it from and just thought I’d stolen it or found it.

Did you ever go to school? I did. The school was very good and if ever there was a school fete or anything like that they’d always ask me to do my motorcycle stunt show. I was filmed on my motorbike for children’s TV with Anneka Rice, who once came to school. We had a mock school fete and she was lying down and I ended up jumping over her. What happened next? The motorbike act stopped when public liability insurance started getting really expensive. I was about 14. Then my dad and I toured the Crazy Brigade – a comedy fire brigade, very much Keystone Cops, very visual – round country shows and big galas. It was a comedy car act that drove on its own and fell apart, but it was more like a stunt comedy act. There was a lot of water! My dad built a human cannon and we thought, ‘Oh, we need an act for it’, especially when he’d taken a picture of it and sold it. We had ten shows booked in before we even had an act.

I used to worry; we had a prop, a comedy cannon, but no show. It blew up at the end and I went flying out of the end of it but not a great distance. I never got to the net on the other side of the arena. But we did it in the end and it was very successful. I knew Martin Burton of Zippos Circus from the galas and carnivals, rather than as a circus contact. When I was 15, in my last year at school, he kindly said I could do work experience on their theatre tour. Other people worked in the local bakery. I went to Wales and Carlisle and never went back to school.

What does Dangerous Steve actually do? It kind of depends where I’m booked to do it. If it’s in the middle of a town centre early on a Saturday morning with a few people walking past with shopping bags, the last thing they want to do is get stopped to watch a show by some nutter in the street. I try to make my show very entertaining and try to be likeable on stage. If it’s indoors and the audience is put there for me, it’s the same show but I have to work in a different way. I do ten things; I start on my motorcycle monowheel. It builds up a big crowd straightaway. I sit inside the wheel – the engine is inside it – and it’s a very difficult bike to balance and ride. I’ve spent the last three years learning how to do a new trick on it; a double loop the loop.

I then go on to my motorcycle sidecar, which I ride round, introduce myself, and then stand on top of the seat and juggle knives. Then I do some fire. With outdoor shows I try to make it really very appealing at the start to distract people from the funfair and the stalls by doing fire tricks and some big fireballs with fire whips and things like that…

Fire whips? Yes, they create a massive fireball. I go from there to the unsupported ladder, so I’m up high, talking to people telling them what they’re about to see, and if they don’t want to see it now’s the time to leave! I’m very proud of balancing on top of a ten-foot ladder. It’s scary, as I don’t like heights! Then I then do a giant rola-bola, so I’m on a tower, on top of a beer keg on its side and on top of a board, and then I go through a fire hoop. Then I juggle a chainsaw, and do my giant unicycle, which is bigger this year, a ten-foot unicycle, and then into a blindfold motorcycle stunt. I set two chainsaws going – possibly four this year – on a frame, and I ride round blindfolded and through the frame with a steel shield on my face and a hood over my head, which I get the audience to check. And, you know, hopefully I don’t cut my head off.

Has anything ever gone wrong? When I was learning, I broke my arm just before doing a show in a school hall. I thought, ‘That really hurt, I think I’ve damaged my arm’. In the first part of show I had to play the drums. Oh, my goodness, every time I hit the drums it was excruciating. 15 years later I finally learnt to do the trick I was trying when I broke my arm! I did a show in Scotland last year and before I went on, they announced that they were having a dog show and they’d put a big marquee in the corner of the arena, which made it quite narrow. I was driving my monowheel but I tipped over too far and the foot peg stuck into the ground and I went right over doing a somersault in the wheel, I flew out of it, got back on it, and carried on and the crowd loved it! [Laughs]

Then I got on my sidecar to juggle the knives and I went over a bump and one of the knives went into my face. I had blood running down my face. I looked at the organisers who were looking at me, like, ‘What have we booked, some cowboy?’, but actually, afterwards they loved it and they want me back. [Laughs] So it pays to hurt yourself sometimes.  

How did you learn all your other skills? Because I’ve been involved in so many shows over the years, I kind of picked up all these skills individually. It was a bit of watching others and trial and error. My show is very different to anyone else’s on the outdoor circuit. I don’t know anyone else who does some of the tricks, but I’ve seen someone else doing others and I’ve thought, ‘Oh, that would be perfect for my show’.

Do you have a natural ability to pick things up? Probably not. It’s practice, and a lot of the things I’ve learnt to do, I was a teenager. If you’re a teenager you don’t mind falling off so much. It doesn’t hurt so much. I must admit some of the time now, when I’m trying new stuff out, I do think, ‘Am I a bit old for this?’.

I believe there’s one motorbike stunt that I’ve done that you haven’t… [Laughs] Yes, yes. The Wall of Death! It’s a dream and an ambition one day to do it.

It was horrific but you would love it! I’m going to contact Jake Messham and try to arrange it. I should do it September because it’s always a little bit dangerous trying new tricks out just before you get really busy for the summer season.

And the Globe of Death, do you fancy that? I would love to try. I’d try anything really.

How do you divide your time? We’re trying to stay busy all year round and it is really busy. The summer is now crazy with Dangerous Steve, so every weekend and Bank Holiday and there seem to be a lot of agricultural shows in the week as well. Last August I went from Orkney to Guernsey, doing shows on the way down as well. Summer season now… outdoor shows seem to be really good, really healthy and a full season of shows, like the olden days, really. When that quietens off in September, we go into Magic Carpet theatre shows and December, we’re sold out in schools performing a theatre show.

How did you come to join Magic Carpet so young? After Zippos the school let me go off on more work experience with Jon Marshall, who I’d worked with in the galas and carnivals when he was The Man with the X-ray Eyes. Magic Carpet is his children’s theatre company that tours schools, art centres and theatres up and down the country and occasionally we get to go abroad. The shows are very visual, good fun and exciting. It’s a comedy play. We don’t have any big message; it’s just a great way to introduce children to live theatre. They laugh all the way through and if they haven’t seen much before, they come out absolutely buzzing. Jon is very good at making it exciting and understandable. It’s a bit of a rollercoaster with highs, but we also bring them down again. We know when the dangerous bits are coming up where the kids might shout out, but no one needs to be on edge as we’ve got them under control.

Do you feel you sort of owe your career to your dad, really? Yes, very much so, dad and Jon. All through my childhood I had so much respect for my dad and so much help, hours and hours of dragging me round the country, which I enjoyed. I enjoyed where I lived at the stately home, and also the travelling around at the same time. He would be working after I’d gone to bed out in the workshop, building props for me and I’d be practising with them after school the next day, probably falling off, breaking it, and he’d be back in the workshop again mending it and telling me not to fall off again.

Do you think your experience could happen to a child these days because of health and safety… It would be very difficult. Even now with Flossie, if she falls over, the first thing that goes through your mind when she goes to pre-school, they’re going to see a bruise and it’s going to have to go in a report and they ask how it happened. They also ask the child as well to see if the stories match, whereas when I was a child and did The Spirit of Britain, I remember we were doing some practising and I set off the wrong way round the arena, ending up colliding with another bike, fell off, the foot peg went into my foot, I ended up in hospital, and then a couple of days later it was all forgotten. I wouldn’t want Flossie to hurt herself and there are ways of learning tricks with protection, but I wouldn’t put her off doing what I did. I try not to be too pushy with her because I think slow and steady will win the race.

Not like yer dad then? [Laughs] [Laughs] To be honest she’s only four, a little bit younger than I was when I started. But she is very keen on running onstage at the end of the show and she likes to go in the blade box, with blades in it. I’ve got a motorbike and sidecar and last year in Poynton, near Manchester, she sat on the sidecar.

Did you ever imagine that this would be your life? No, but later on in school everyone was talking about what they were going to do as a career, and I did think, ‘What the hell am I going to do?’. Then I thought, ‘Well, actually, I quite like what I do now. At the age of 15 I’ve already got quite a few years’ experience behind me. I’ve learnt how to do things and how not to do things’. So it would have been a waste not to carry on, and I’m so glad I stuck at it. When you’re a teenager sometimes the grass is always greener on the other side. When I was getting towards 19, some of my mates were earning quite good money doing other things, and I was thinking, ‘Oh, should I change what I do?’, but obviously I’m so glad I didn’t. I love it more now than ever.

Dangerous Steve will be appearing at Kimpton in Hertfordshire on 4 May, 2019 at the start of his summer season. Check his website for details.

Picture credit: Ian Spooner

Steve’s website

Twitter: @DangerousSteve1 @sideshowmagic

Follow @TheWidowStanton on Twitter