#just sleep Helen

[thegrandempressofinsomnia]

Nikola, walks in, holding a glass of wine : Okay, truth or dare?

Helen, sighing and not looking up from her work: Not now, Nikola

Nikola, standing in front of her desk with his wineglass near her files : Helen *pause* Truth or dare?

Helen, not looking up and slightly annoyed: Truth

Nikola: How many hours have you slept this week?

Helen, stops writing: ...Dare

Nikola: Go to bed.

Helen, finally looking up: I don't like this game

Nikola : *grins and pulls her out of her chair*

[h-doodles]

My love, mine all mine || A webweave studying Miranda's part in Miranda/MC themes :)

[theforestoracle]

Nothing like trying to fall asleep to tornado sirens.

We’re under a tornado watch for another hour then Hurricane Helene is coming….great 😐

[dontwanderoff]

i think episode 1 of the newsreader is my ultimate favourite. like, it is literally perfection. i have no notes. it is establishing all these things and it does it so wonderfully and obviously the rest of the episodes are excellent too, but this one is My special favourite episode <3

[anotherfandomtrash]

SIX the musical but it’s Kuragins messing everything up as ghosts

[helenapsent]

So the pre-defense was. But to be honest, the impressions are not so good. They're kind of ambiguous. It's kind of sad, but I fucking did it all. In short, my confidence in the teacher dropped to zero.

It's like. The teacher had a problem with one website. There I was reviewing the course design of an English teacher who positioned herself as "I teach English for adults". But for adults they meant people in their 20s and older. And a picture of a young woman in a jacket and corset top ( such are popular now)

And the teacher nagged, like, "it'll be like an 18+ red flag." But there's nothing past there, why isn't she looking at the other screenshots with the same girl where she's in the same jacket but with her shoulders covered?

Then she said it was like my site wasn't ready. First of all, it's fucking ready, but I only have two unfinished blocks to finish and that's it.

And then she was like, "You're going to come to my classroom and work every day" (like we agreed).

And… She made me DOWN. In terms of: she said that her confidence in me is "low" because I did not pass her at most three things: I have not passed the report on the pre-diploma practice (somehow everything is so mixed up in one that I forgot about it), the term paper on the same subject and practice on video. Then she also nagged at the designation of illustrations like: "we write figure 1,2,3- -Not the abbreviations: fig. 1.12 or fig. 1.16." For a second, they sometimes abbreviate captions in print.

In short. Unpleasant shit. I got 70% of my work done, like they said. But like I don't think it's 70. I did 95.

I just want to go to bed and cry from the stress. Why the fuck did I go to all this trouble to get nothing? Why did I stay up until 6 am and was all shattered because of panic, to then hear that the finished diploma can be passed before the holidays and that "I can not write a diploma," although I did it on the basis of the example, which threw me herself instructor? Just why???

I didn't get any approval in my direction. More precisely, it's not bad and not good, it's normal and I am happy about it. But just, it is extremely unpleasant to observe that even in spite of my dislike of her, I try to keep a good relationship with her, I'm not a conflicted person!

And she ends up acting like a stomach ulcer again, just being mean, trying to crush you, although if she is your teacher she has to help you somehow? What am I saying, though, she has her favorites and scapegoats, just like everyone else…

[grahamkennedy]

Lesbian sex with Carla would fix Helen. Lesbian sex in general would fix Helen but I just KNOW Carla is not only *extremely* good at it, but absolutely 100% desperately wants to fuck her.

[dreaming-for-an-escape]

“Shitballs!”

🤣

God I love this movie.

[autisticmight]

i am so excited for monday

[releasing-my-insanity]

Sleeping on couches is a love language.

[Two gifs from the first season of All Creatures Great and Small 2020. In the first gif James gently places a blanket over Helen as she sleeps on the Chapmans’ couch. In the second, Maggie and Tristan have fallen asleep on the couch at Skeldale House and his hand is resting on her shoulder.]

[kaibaspuppy]

HOLY FICKING SHIT ARE YOU KIDDING ME <- just finished glass onion

[gallusrostromegalus]

Might I inquire as to what, precisely, a Mustain't is? (Aside from a string of letters I hesitate to Google in that order.)

In October 2014 I went on a road-trip to the Dryest Place In America.

I was having a rough year, very depressed from having dropped out of college for the third time. I decided a road trip was in order to re-set my brain and get a little distance. Being that it was October, and therefore all the campgrounds in the American Southwest were filled with people who have the good sense to camp in reasonable temperatures, I elected to take my parent's minivan so I could car-camp anywhere suitably isolated, and looked up some of the southwest's geographic extremes- the highest place I could drive to (Pikes Peak), the lowest place (Badwater Basin), and for fun, the Dryest Place in the continental US, which turned out to be the Pinacate Volcanic field just west of Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument. It gets rain maybe twice a century and has no standing water, despite being less than 100 miles from the gulf of California.

It's a startlingly beautiful and alien place. The ground is a deep chocolate brown to black volcanic sand, and in mid October, the rabbit brush is turning bright yellow as it shifts to autumn, the organ pipe cacti are a dark green and stand, partially concealed in the brush at exactly human height. The air is alive with birds and insects and bats at night. The stargazing is like looking into the eyes of God.

You get there by driving down a little dirt road called "El Camino Del Diablo", or "The Devil's Road".

I drove out about three hours from Glendale, AZ to get there, arriving at sunset, and felt a profound sense of peace. I stargazed, listening to the bats hunt and sing, and slept peacefully for the first time in months.

I stayed out there for three days, sketching and painting the landscape, taking strolls through this almost alien landscape, and enjoying the light and sound and total absence of human intrusion besides myself.

On the fourth night, it was a new moon, and I awoke in the middle of the night. Something was amiss, and it took me a while to realize it was because I could NOT hear the bats. I was sleeping inside the van with the rear windows rolled halfway down rather than trying to set up the tent, so I when I sat up, I looked out of the van's reflective windows to discover what at first appeared to be A Horse.

It was something between pale gray and bright white in the starlight, standing maybe a dozen feet from the van, sniffing curiously. It made sense- I was in the middle of mustang country and there was quite a bit of foliage in the area for it and it did look like a truly wild horse- lumpy where the bones were jutting out, dusty about the hooves and face.

I was instantly seized by the sort of paralytic fear Sleep paralysis is made of. I couldn't move. It wasn't quite looking at me because it couldn't quite see through the windshield into the shadowy into the shadowy interior, but I had the distinct impression that if I looked away, it would know, and get me.

I already had problems with horses. My beloved Aunt Helen's Prize mare tried to kill me on two separate occasions, and the year before I had to carry my sister-in-law backwards out of a slot canyon whilst reciting the Saint Crispin's Day Speech as loudly as possible to keep a mustang from trampling us to death.

This is approximately what it should have looked like:

Instead, it was... off. like trying to draw a horse from memory.

The waist tapered in.

The legs were slightly too long or the torso slightly too short, probably both.

The ears were Triangular.

The head wasn't quite right- Too narrow and the jaw wasn't heavy enough.

The tail was too long and arced unnaturally away from the body.

The neck arched.

The nostrils were too high and close

The mouth too long.

Whatever this is, a Mustang it Ain't.

I watched it from the back seat as it sniffed around the front of the van, curious with about the side mirrors. It moved around the van, nibbling experimentally on the front door handle. It came up to the side windows, sniffing like a dog, and it's breath didn't fog up the glass.

Finally, it came up to the rear window, which was rolled halfway down to let the fall night air in. Not even half a pane of glass and two feet of air between us, and I could clearly see it's bright blue eyes.

Horses have Elongated pupils to give them a wide field of vision, and eyes that rotate sideways in their sockets so the pupil remains parallel to the ground. Rather creepy to watch, especially the ones with blue eyes.

A real horse that was curious about the interior of the van would have come up to the window more or less sideways, and looked at me with something like this:

Instead, the damn thing walked up and faced the back window head on, staring back at me with this:

I'm not sure how long we watched each other like that, eyes locked. My eyes burned. I couldn't blink. My mouth was dry. I couldn't swallow. My throat began to ache. I couldn't make a sound. My skin began to twitch, like I was severely dehydrated. I couldn't move. My lungs burned. I couldn't move. I couldn't move. I couldn't move. I couldn't move.

Something was touching the side of my hand on the seat next to me. It's my water bottle.

The realization must have broken the terrible paralysis in the lower parts of my brain first, because by the time I consciously realized I could move again, I was already flinging my water bottle out the window at it.

The top was open, and splashed out the window at the Mustain't.

I've never heard such a scream out of an animal. Something halfway between the sound of unquenchable rage vibrating in someone's chest and the way rabbits cry out to God when the dogs catch them.

It jumped back, pivoting away from the van, snarling at the water bottle. I don't think you're supposed to be able to see All of a horse's teeth at once, no matter how angry it is.

I watched it run into the night for some distance, it's pale body visible against the black sand and the dark gray shadow of the ancient volcanic cone it was headed for.

When the blood stopped pounding in my ears, I could hear the bats again.

I debated leaving right then, but I didn't want to get out of the van with that thing in the area, nor litter by leaving the water bottle out there. I also had the awful idea that if I left now, it might somehow be able to follow me home. I ended up staying up three hours to watch the sunrise, shaking and trying to figure out if I'd woken up from a vivid dream, if my meds had stopped working, or if that had really happened. I didn't dare move until I actually felt the temperature rise, before stepping out of the van to grab the bottle. I had my camera ready- I was still using a DSLR back then- to take pictures of the hoofprints, to show how close it had gotten to the van.

No hoofprints.

Beetle tracks in the soft sand around the van, and the clear foot-and-wing prints of a bird that had hopped around then taken off. But no hoofprints.

I went over the entire campsite with the tent broom, to make sure I removed every scrap of evidence I had ever been there, including my footprints, grabbed my water bottle, and drove the three hours back back to Glendale, then decided to do seven more hours of driving to Moab, Utah just to put more than 500 miles, the state line and at least nine things that could be considered "running water" between me and the Mustain't.

-

I still have that water bottle. It has a dent in the bottom from hitting something, but that could have happened at any time. Strange thing though. I can't drink that bottle dry. I'll have it on me, drink whatever I've put in there- water, juice, iced coffee- and eventually feel like I've drunk the whole think and that it's empty. But I open it up and it's still at least a quarter full. I drink that. I get thirsty. I open it up again. ...and there's always a mouthful left.

Not sure what the side effects of drinking from a bottle cursed by a Mustain't to always have some left are, but it lives in the Emergency Breakdown Kit in my car now, just in case I meet another one.

---

(I'm a disabled artist and make my living telling stories, please consider supporting me on Ko-Fi or Pre-order the Family Lore book on Patreon)

[transmasc-rose]

If I was smart I'd just make Michael/Helen's Tardis and lead the party towards it, bun instead the computer bugs (literal) are going to branch them off into three paths.

[thehmn]

I wanted to make this post because we don’t see a lot of asexual characters in western media and despite him being from a hugely popular show (Seaside Hotel) you’re unlikely to know of his existence if you’re not from Denmark.

His name is Hjalmar Aurland and he’s one of the more sympathetic and realistic asexual characters I’ve seen. He lives in a time and place where asexuality as a concept doesn’t exist yet so he’s never labeled as such but rewatching the show made me realize that he acts exactly like the asexual people I personally know. Asexuality can mean a lot of things but his specific brand isn’t naive to sex nor is he repulsed by sex, sexual desire or thoughts simply doesn’t come naturally to him.

He can be convinced to have sex with his wife Helene but only if she appeals to their emotional bond. Just so you don’t get the wrong idea, he’s not being forced or emotionally blackmailed to sleep with her. It’s simply that he understands sex is a way to show emotional love too and he wants to express that love for Helene when it’s important to her, and seeing as sex isn’t unpleasant to him, just kinda boring, he’s willing to do that for her.

Unfortunately that isn’t enough for Helene and despite her love for Hjalmar she starts an affair with the dramatic and emotional actor Edward Weyse. He has a string of relationships, marriages and divorces behind him because despite what it may look like from the outside Edward doesn’t really want shallow sexual relationships. He just can’t help himself and keep falling in love with women left and right, fully and wholeheartedly, only to be dumped or dump them once the initial excitement has passed.

So Helene and Edward’s affair that was only meant to satisfy their carnal desires quickly becomes romantic. Helene feels torn between him and Hjalmar who she still loves and Edward understands the difficult situation they’re both in while also feeling jealous of Hjalmar. And Hjalmar? He doesn’t catch on for years. He’s not stupid but his brain just doesn’t jump to sex. He just assumes they’re good friends and why shouldn’t his wife be allowed to have friends, even male ones? Things get really complicated when Helene gets pregnant and she has to have sex with Hjalmar so he won’t wonder how it happened. Edward even has to join in on the seduction, reminding Hjalmar how much Helene loves him, even though it breaks Edward’s heart to do so.

But like I’ve said Hjalmar isn’t stupid. He saw the signs but chose to ignore them until one night when Helene accidentally says Edward’s name. It breaks the dam in Hjalmar’s denial and he has to face that deep down he always knew. Overcome by sadness and betrayal he wanders off into the night in nothing but his nightgown and gets a room at a different hotel where he can think in peace. Eventually he agrees to return to the first hotel with Helene and Edward and decides to take control of the situation.

He sits them both down and tells them that he understands that the three of them share a bond and that there are things he can’t really do for Helene so from now on he wants their relationship to be open and honest. He wants Helene and Edward to keep seeing each other and Edward is welcome in their house, but Hjalmar wants to be allowed to call Edward by his first name and makes it very clear that Helene and Edward’s children “belong to him” because he still thinks of himself as their dad and loves them as his own children. Both Helene and Edward agrees to it, though the emotional Edward is very flustered and confused by the acceptance and love he’s being shown by Hjalmar.

This is obviously a very tv drama situation but I was so stuck by how much Hjalmar acts like my asexual friends. Having a lover for your partner isn’t the most common solution but it’s an idea I’ve heard a lot of asexual people be open to under the right circumstances and of course that’s the most dramatic solution for a romantic tv drama.

Hjalmar is defined by so much more than his sexuality though. His main characteristic is his passion for social justice and equality, and other than some early show weirdness before they really cemented the characters, Hjamler is the only character who floats freely between the men and women. He’s just as likely to sit with the men as he is the women, often appearing in otherwise entirely female spaces. It’s never questioned or even brought up, not because he’s a “safe asexual” but because he cares and think their worries are as important as the men’s. He’s often called a pessimist by the other men when in reality he is determined to be hopeful and compassionate and spread the love he feels the world is lacking as WWII draws closer.

So yeah, I just wanted to share this sweet ace guy with you because you probably wouldn’t have known about him otherwise.

[helenapsent]

I so don't want to feel ashamed of my serotonin rush and the pain in my cheeks from smiling all the time, but I don't know why I feel ashamed of it. Maybe I'm just used to suppressing my emotions and being in a state of "unbreakable stone." But right now I just exploded, like a menthol in cola, like fizzy sand on the tongue. I wish this feeling would stay with me longer, I would get a break from the feeling of self-destruction and hopelessness for some time. It's something so good it makes me want to just sob, I don't know

[daaedoodles]

oneshot where helen and max plot to get elizabeth and mia together by the time their wedding is over (a destination one in london) because lauren has been telling helen about how the two of them have been dancing around like idiots for the past year and she’s not going to wait 3 years for them to get their shit together like helen and max

cue max and helen inviting both of them, pulling strings to get them seated next to eachother on the plane and booking them into a room with only one bed 😟