#just sharing in case it can help anybody else. i think i’m gonna watch the vr world tour with my girlfriend and lay down

[transphilza]

i have a comfort vod playlist ive shared before but here it is again in case anybody wants some pleasant noise while they process. some of it is techno and some of it isn’t

[skiller0dani]

Pogue on Pogue | JJ Maybank

M A S T E R L I S T Outer Banks Masterlist

smut requests info w.c | 8.9k summary | you and jj are together, despite both being pogues. You knew you’d have to hide your relationship from the rest of the pogues, and what makes it worse? John B is your twin brother.

The bonfire was lit, the stars were out, there were stolen kook beers, and yet you still didn’t feel like partying. You knew sooner or later Kiara or Pope would come bother you about it, and that your twin brother, John B, would call you a drag. The night air had a slight chill to it, but that didn’t stop drunk college kids on their Spring break from jumping into the ocean. You sat on the porch of the Chateau, a beer in your palm. Luckily nobody bothered you, seeing as only the pogues are allowed inside the Chateau. Your eyes settled on your boyfriend, who was currently talking to a group of slightly drunk female tourists. You knew he was trying to keep up appearances, the rest of the pogues didn’t know you and JJ were together. If they saw him blow off hot girls, they’d definitely know something was up. So as much as it stung to do so, you gave him the okay to flirt with them a little. You knew JJ wasn’t doing anything wrong, he was doing what you told him to. But you can guess that those tourists aren’t virgins, and would totally be down to fuck JJ. You however are a virgin, and somehow JJ has lasted 4 weeks without sex. You can’t help but feel insecure about the fact that your boyfriend is used to getting sex whenever he wants, and now because of you he can’t. You feel like his ‘ball and chain’ so to speak. Despite him reassuring you that he’s fine with waiting for you, it still eats at you. Especially when you see him flirting with other girls, is he thinking about having sex with them?

“What’s up with you? You’ve been weird all night.” Kiara said as she sat on the porch steps next to you. You were bracing for when one of them would come talk to you. You smiled with a shrug.

“Not in the party mood I guess.” You say dismissively, and you know instantly that she doesn’t buy it for a second. One glance and Kiara knows that something is really bothering you, and you wished you could tell her about it. But she would tell John B, and then John would punch JJ. You don’t want to come in between their friendship, and you know your brother won’t be okay with you and JJ.

“Liar.” Is all she says, leaning back with a raised brow. You lift your beer to your lips, avoiding eye contact.

“You think JJ’s gonna score tonight?” Kiara asks, a teasing tone to her voice. Before you and JJ got together, everyone would make bets on whether or not JJ would get laid that night.

“I bet he will.” She says again, laughing lightly at herself. When she doesn’t hear you laughing with her, she turns her gaze towards you. It’s silly, but you feel your heart constricting in your chest. If JJ had it his way he would probably screw one of those stupid girls pushing their cleavage out so he’ll look. He probably has.

“I bet he won’t.” You say finally, trying to keep the emotion out of your voice. You don’t risk sparing a glance at her just in case she’s looking at you. One look in your teary eyes and she’ll know immediately. You watch with burning eyes as the girl to JJ’s left leans in closer to press her lips against his neck. Feeling emotion swell in your chest you stand from the porch step.

“Don’t feel good, gonna lay down.” Is all you manage before the first tear falls and you’re pushing into the Chateau. Moments after the door shuts, JJ is gently pushing the girl off of him with a nervous chuckle, his eyes briefly catching Kiara’s. Her eyebrows furrow, why would JJ turn her down? Glancing back to where you were previously sat, it clicks. Kiara’s eyes widen, you and JJ are so dating. Kiara stands with a triumphant smile on her face as she takes the empty seat left by the girl JJ rejected.

“Could’ve sworn you were gonna bone her JJ.” Kiara says casually, and JJ shifts uncomfortably.

“Not the right mood I guess.” He laughs nervously, fixing his hat.

“Why? Afraid of upsetting your girlfriend?” Kiara says it so casually and so quickly that JJ doesn’t really think about it until after the fateful words leave his mouth.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“So you do have a girlfriend! Who is it?” Kiara whispers excitedly, leaning closer to JJ.

“Nobody, I don’t have one Kie.” JJ says, backtracking immediately. But the look in Kiara’s face tells JJ it’s too late for that. Shit.

“Is it Y/N?” Her eyes read JJ’s face intently, trying to find any sort of giveaway because she knows JJ isn’t going to budge on this subject. Normally JJ is pretty forthcoming with information, sometimes sharing details the other pogues do not want to hear, but he’s being pretty tight-lipped about this.

“No! Of course not!” JJ says too quickly, his voice also having raised an octave. Kiara tries to hide her smirk and leans back towards the fire, a casual look on her face.

“Well I hope not, because Y/N is inside the Chateau crying.”

“What? Why?” JJ’s head snaps up to look into the Chateau, ignoring the victorious look on Kiara’s face. He knows going inside will give you guys away, at least to Kiara. So he sits there, in front of that fire, for all of 5 minutes before he’s standing from the log he’s sat on. He can’t get it out of his head, you’re crying. Why are you crying? Did he do something wrong? Did he take the flirting too far? He was only doing it a little, just like you said. The anxiety turning in his gut is enough for him to take off his hat to run his fingers nervously through his hair.

“I knew it!” Kiara says victoriously, JJ rolls his eyes.

“Shut up Kie, and don’t tell John B!” He calls over his shoulder as he skips up the Chateau steps. Sure enough, as soon as he passes the threshold of the front door he can hear soft crying coming from one of the bedrooms. JJ wrings his hands together, he’s never really been in a relationship before and he’s terrified of fucking it up.

���Baby? You in here?” JJ asks softly, leaning against the wall next to your bedroom door. He hears the crying stop and it feels like his heart is breaking. You slowly open the door and the sight of your tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes has him cupping your cheeks.

“What’s the matter?” His voice is soft and concerned, it brings a new wave of tears to your eyes. You press yourself into his chest, your arms wrapping around his torso as you hear him kick the door shut with his foot. JJ sits on your bed, pulling you to stand between his legs. His hands are still cupping your cheeks and you see concern in his eyes.

“Baby please talk to me, if I did something wrong just tell me.” JJ nearly pleads, and you shake your head, your hands falling to his shoulders.

“Doesn’t it bother you that I’m not ready to have sex?” You asked, your voice shaky. JJ swiped away a falling tear with his thumb before shaking his head.

“No baby it doesn’t. I want to wait for you, you’re the girl of my dreams. I’ve had it bad for you for as long as I can remember. Now I finally have you, and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes.” JJ says, looking directly into your eyes.

“But you’re used to having sex regularly JJ, I feel like an ankle weight-”

“No Y/N. What are you even saying? You’re not my ankle weight. I am used to having sex regularly, but with people I don’t really care about. You satisfy me in a way they never can, I will wait for you because I want to wait for you.” JJ says again, a serious look in his eyes as his hands force you to look at him.

“Do you think about doing it...with other girls?” You can’t help but ask him, even though you know what he’s going to say. You just need to hear him say it.

“Never, and I never will.” JJ says firmly, his hands rubbing circles onto your lower back. You nod, feeling your heart rate calm and the tears come to a stop. You feel JJ wind his arms around your waist, pulling you flush with him. Your fingers brush through his hair, and you feel him smile against your tummy. JJ tries not to feel disheartened when you doubt his dedication to you so often, but at the same time he can’t really blame you. The entire time you’ve known JJ, you’ve never seen him commit to anybody. But that’s because he’s never wanted to commit to anyone, until he started dating you. You want to have sex with JJ, but you have no idea what’s holding you back. Maybe you should just start slow, really slow.

“JJ?” You take a step back from him, his hands falling away from your hips. He turns his gaze up to you, watching you curiously as you turn your bedside lamp on. You reach for the hem of your shirt, feeling your heart practically pounding in your throat as you pull it up and over your head. JJ’s eyes widen as he takes in the sight of you in your bra.

“What’re you doing baby? I-I’m okay with waiting.” His voice is distracted, and he can’t tear his eyes off your chest.

“I know, and I’ll be ready soon. First I-I want you to see me. So I can just get it over with.” Your cheeks are heated as you stand shirtless before him. From the way JJ’s eyes are drinking in any exposed skin, you feel like you’re naked when you’ve only taken off your shirt. JJ nods, leaning back against his palms.

“O-Okay.” He swallows thickly, doing his best to stay composed. You’re just so damn beautiful. You reach for your shorts, quickly pushing them down your legs leaving you in your underwear and bra before him. JJ sucks in a heavy breath, his eyes tailing down your hips to your legs. JJ curses himself when he feels a certain appendage hardening in his shorts, now is not the time. He doesn't want to scare you away. You trust JJ with your life, I mean he literally shielded you from gunshots with his body. You couldn’t imagine doing this for anybody else, you can’t imagine losing your virginity to anybody else. It’s always been JJ.

“You’re beautiful baby.” JJ breathes when he notices your hesitation. You feel some of the nerves leave you then, but you still feel like you could faint at any moment. You close your eyes to steel your nerves as you reach back to unclip your bra and let it fall to the floor. When JJ groans softly you feel your entire body heat up and a jolt go straight between your legs. JJ almost can’t believe how lucky he is, every inch of you is absolutely stunning.

“God, your tits are perfect baby.” JJ groans, his pupils blown wide as he lets his eyes drink in the newly exposed skin. Gradually, JJ’s shorts are growing tighter and tighter- it’s getting hard to stay composed. You’re driving him to the brink of insanity, you really expect him to watch you strip naked in front of him and do nothing about it? He’s definitely gonna have to rub one out in the shower after this. You smile shyly as your cheeks burn red at his words of praise. You feel your palms shaking as you hook your fingers into your underwear. After this last piece of clothing, you’ll be completely naked in front of JJ.

“It’s alright baby, just take your time.” JJ says, his voice soft and reassuring. You feel your heart racing faster and faster, that’s when JJ’s hands cover yours.

“Do you want me to? I mean cause I can, if that’ll be easier.” JJ says and you nod instantly, you want to show him all of you but you can’t seem to stop shaking. If it was left up to you, you’d spend the rest of the night contemplating it. You step forward into JJ’s open arms, your eyes squeeze shut when you feel him begin to slide your panties down your legs. By now, JJ has a heartbeat in his pants, and he’s so hard it’s becoming sort of painful. He’s not bashful about his hard on though, it’s not the first time you’ll have caught him with one. JJ takes a deep breath to try and hold onto his last shred of sanity as he helps you carefully step out of your panties so he can toss them aside. His eyes meet yours to send you a little wink before his eyes start to trail south. Your trembling palms are holding tightly onto his shoulders, nobody has ever seen you naked before. Except for Kiara once on accident, but that was just Kie. No boy has ever seen you naked. Ever. When JJ’s eyes land on your pussy, he feels that last bit of sanity ooze out his ears and disappear. Everything about your body is so perfect and JJ can’t help the growl that escapes his lips upon seeing you completely naked for the first time. Sneakily, he also steals a glance at that perfect ass of yours without you knowing.

“Shit baby you’re killin me.” JJ groans, his hands on your hips as he gently pushes you to take a step back. You feel like your entire body is on fire when JJ looks at you, and you suddenly have no idea what you were so scared of. Clearly JJ thinks your body is beautiful, he’s said so. JJ’s eyes can’t stop trailing up and down your body, and he can’t decide what his favorite part is. Your perfect tits? Round ass? Or that beautiful pussy between your legs? JJ turns his gaze back up to meet yours, a small smile on his face. He reaches up to gently grasp at the back of your neck to tug you down for a kiss. His lips meet yours softly, moving slowly against your own.

“You’ve seen me...I wanna see you.” You mumble against his lips and you feel his breath catch in his throat. Sure, girls have seen JJ naked before but never in such an intimate setting. This is far more romantic than any other sexual encounter he’s had, and you guys aren’t even doing anything sexual. JJ presses another firm kiss to your lips before he’s standing from the bed, kicking his shoes off.

“Well? Sit your sexy little ass down.” JJ instructs, pointing at the bed. You blush with a giggle as you do what he says. You settle down on the bed where he just was, slowly feeling more comfortable being naked in his presence. God you love this man. The thought enters your mind before you can stop it. Your eyes widen, are you in love with JJ? You watch with excited eyes as JJ pulls his socks off, and you can’t help but giggle when his hand comes up to stop himself from falling over. JJ starts off easy, pulling his shirt over his head. You’ve seen him shirtless a thousand times. It’s when he reaches for the button of his shorts that you swallow a thick lump in your throat. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say JJ looks nervous. You feel excitement buzzing in your body when JJ unbuttons his shorts and kicks them off leaving him standing before you in his black boxer briefs.

“Are you ready? I don’t think you are.” JJ teases, earning himself a shy laugh from you. You’re so cute that JJ isn’t sure what to do with himself sometimes. Sending you one final wink and JJ is yanking his boxer briefs down, his erection bobbing up. JJ releases a soft sigh of relief as his cock is released, it was becoming pretty damn painful. Your eyes widen and you can’t look anywhere other than at his dick, which is way bigger than you were expecting. You see the blush dusting across his cheeks, and you swallow a lump in your throat.

“Holy shit.” Is all you can bring yourself to choke out, earning a smug smirk from JJ. In all honesty, JJ feels a little more exposed then he was expecting to. Every time he’s been naked in front of a girl, it’s because they were about to have sex. But never has he been naked solely for a girl to see him naked. It’s intimidating. JJ feels his cock throb when his eyes trail down your naked body again, he’s not going to last much longer. Blowing out a breath, JJ stoops down to grab your clothes, but he doesn’t miss the hurt flash in your eyes.

“Baby as much as I would love to admire your naked body for the rest of the night, I can’t hold myself back for much longer. So before I jizz in my pants can you please put some clothes back on?” JJ says, his voice strained. You can’t help the laugh as it bubbles up from your chest, reaching down to start putting your clothes back on. After your panties and bra have been slid back on, you steal another look at JJ who is just about to pull his boxers back up his legs. JJ has been incredibly sweet these last few weeks, he’s never pressured you to have sex with him and has been nothing but understanding and patient with you even though not having sex is hard for him. You want to repay him for how amazing he’s treated you, how perfect of a boyfriend he’s been.

“JJ? W-wait.” You stammer, reaching to grab his hand. JJ’s eyebrows raise as you push him to sit down on the bed before kneeling between his legs. Now the new view JJ has been blessed to see has him clenching his fists, you on your knees before him is almost too much for him.

“What are d-doing babe?” JJ tries to keep his voice from breaking, but when you slowly inch closer to his cock his voice catches in his throat.

“I-I wanted to thank you for being the best boyfriend I could have asked for. You’ve never made me feel bad about wanting to wait.”

“Baby I’d never pressure you to do something you didn’t want to. So you do not have to do this, I’m okay baby really.” JJ reassures you quickly, he doesn’t want to make you feel like you have to pleasure him just because he’s hard. His dick has a complete mind of it’s own and JJ can’t control when it gets hard.

“I want to, really I do!” You say instantly and JJ swallows thickly before he nods. He leans down to press a quick kiss to your lips before he’s leaning back up again.

“Have you ever done this before?” JJ asks, he knows you’re a virgin but that doesn’t mean you haven’t done other stuff. He’s silently praying you say no because if you say yes, he’s going to ask who and then he’s going to go beat the shit out of him. Only JJ gets to see you this way.

“N-no.” You stammer and JJ releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

“Thank God. I didn’t feel like beating someone to a pulp today.” He says, releasing a comically large breath. You laugh before playfully slapping his chest, JJ always knows how to make you feel safe and comfortable at all times. You have no idea how he does that. You place one dainty hand on his thigh, and JJ can practically taste the hesitancy coming from you.

“It’s easy baby, just go slow and don’t bite me.” JJ says soothingly, and you nod before scooting forward to take his cock in your hand. JJ hisses softly when you jerk him once, your eyes snapping up when you hear a low groan come from his chest. You lean forward to drag your tongue up the underside of his cock, and JJ moans softly. The sound sends waves of pleasure between your legs. You see a bead of precum at the tip and gently you swipe your thumb over it and JJ groans again.

“Doin’ good baby.” JJ praises, stroking a hand across your cheek. While his tone may be soft and gentle, the look in his eyes is less so. The lust in his gaze is enough to send heat all through your body, the way he’s looking at you is making you throb. You nervously lean up to take his cock into your mouth, and you suckle on the tip. JJ groans desperately, his head falling back as your tongue licks the underside of his head. This has to be the best damn blowjob he’s ever received. You slowly take his cock further into your mouth, your lips stretching wide around him. Your hand comes up to grab whatever you can’t fit in your mouth and JJ moans loudly.

“God damn baby, you sure you’ve never done this? You’re a fuckin’ natural.” JJ groans, his hands curling around the sheets of your bed. You continue to slide down as far as you can before you feel JJ harshly pulling on your hair. He pulls your head back and then gently pushes you back down before you get the hang of it. You bob your head on his cock, and when you look back up you see that JJ is nearly panting. Your slow pace is the most wonderful torture, you’re slowly edging him to orgasm.

“Fuck you look so beautiful on your knees.” JJ growls, his head tipping back up so he can look at you again. You look up at him through your lashes and JJ groans, his hand stroking your cheek again. You can tell he’s struggling to keep his eyes open, so when you accidentally hollow your cheeks you see his eyes flutter shut. So you do it again. JJ reaches down to yank your hand up and instantly you massage his balls in your hand, and soon JJ is squeezing his eyes shut tightly.

“Holy shit baby do not stop please.” JJ pleads, allowing himself to fall back against the bed as you tongue the underside of his cock again. You jerk with your hand what you can’t fit in your mouth and watching JJ slowly unravel above you brings you some form of sadistic happiness. Soon one of JJ’s shaky hands lands on your shoulder.

“I’m gonna cum baby, y-you sure you can take it all in your mouth?” He asks, his eyes looking desperate for relief. You nod instantly, you crave to feel him cum in your mouth. You continue to quickly suck him off, taking him as far into your mouth as you can before you feel one of JJ’s hands hold your head in place on his cock. You feel his body shudder before JJ is cumming in hot spurts down your throat and by the time you pull off of him, your thighs are slick with your arousal.

“Fuck baby.” JJ sighs happily, reaching down to pull you up and onto the bed next to him. His eyes are half lidded as he looks over at you, a happy smile spread across his face. You suddenly feel kind of shy even though you just had his cock in your mouth like 2 minutes ago. He leans up on his elbows and presses a kiss to your forehead before standing to find his clothes.

“You’re leaving?” You can’t hide the disappointment in your voice.

“Just to the living room baby. I’m so fucking tired and John B will kill me if he sees me in here with you.” JJ laughs nervously and as much as you hate it, he’s right. John B would probably punch JJ if he caught him in here with you. You feel a strange sense of pride upon realizing it was you that wore JJ out. You smile as he leans down to press a long hard kiss to your lips. JJ sends you a wink before checking that the coast is clear so he can slip out into the hallway.

//

“John B is going to kill JJ, you know that right?” Pope said as you made your way to the HMS Pogue, where your brother was patching a hole in the bottom. You forced Pope to accompany you as you told John B about you and JJ, just in case he went after JJ. You nearly had to tie your boyfriend up to prevent him from joining you, and while you love that he wants to be here- it’s safer for him if he isn’t.

“No, because you won’t let him. Right?” You ask, turning to look at Pope with an eyebrow raised. Pope sighed, he knew this was a bad idea. A really bad idea, but luckily you managed to convince JJ to stay in the Chateau. You seemed to be the only person who could tame JJ, and the only person who could talk sense into him.

“Right.” Pope agrees as you two finally stop behind John B, who is crouched in the HMS Pogue. You swallow a nervous lump in your throat, only opening your mouth to speak when Pope encouragingly elbows you.

“Heya Johnny.” You say happily, using a nickname John B only lets you use. John B turns with a suspicious glint in his eyes, that feeling only being confirmed further when he sees Pope standing next to you.

“What is it?” He asks, and you know there’s no point in delaying the inevitable.

“There’s something I should probably tell you.” You sigh, sitting on the edge of the boat next to him. John B leans back from you, almost as if he’s bracing for whatever you’re about to say. His eyes flicker to Pope again.

“I swear to God if you got my sister pregnant-”

“Ew no! Pope is just here for...protection.” You say carefully, watching confusion dawn on John B’s face. Pope’s face scrunches up.

“Protection? You scared of me?” You see genuine concern in his eyes so you quickly shake your head.

“No! No of course not, just ignore him. You’ll understand why he’s here soon.” You say, mumbling the last part. John B sits, patiently waiting for you to say whatever you need to say.

“JJ and I… we’re dating-”

“I knew it. JJ is fucking dead.” John B snaps, already standing from the boat. Luckily you brought Pope with you because almost immediately Pope is placing his palms on John B’s chest.

“Stop and listen.” He says forcefully, shoving John B backwards lightly. Begrudgingly, John B sits back down next to you.

“You’re not allowed to be mad at JJ.” You say, watching as John B refuses to meet your eye. He is mad, and that’s completely unfair.

“He’s macking my sister. Not cool.” John B snaps, and you roll your eyes.

“I made the first move! You’re not allowed to be a jerk about this Johnny. I really care about JJ.” You say sincerely, finally drawing John B’s eyes to yours.

“Y/N, JJ is my best friend and I love him but it’s not you I’m worried about. I know you like JJ, and I know you’ll stay committed to him. I just don’t know if you can trust him not to break your heart. I don’t know if JJ will stay committed to you.” He says firmly, looking into your eyes. You know John B thinks JJ is going to cheat on you, but you don’t believe that for a second.

“He will, he cares about me Johnny.” You insist and John B rubs a hand down his face. John B knows that deep down JJ does care about you, and that he has every intention of being loyal to you. But at the end of the day he knows JJ, and he knows eventually JJ is bound to fuck up and make a really big mistake. One you won’t be able to forgive, and then what happens to the pogues when that happens? This is why there’s no pogue on pogue macking.

“Let me talk to JJ.” John B says, and you share a nervous look with Pope.

“Only if Pope is there to make sure you don’t punch him.” You say, crossing your arms firmly. After a moment of thinking, John B nods.

“Alright fine.” You watch the two of them stand and make their way into the Chateau, and you can only hope you don’t hear yelling soon.

“Hey John B.” JJ says nervously, throwing on a smile at the end once he sees John B come in through the front door. John B says nothing as he sits at the kitchen table, and he gestures to the chair next to him. JJ hesitantly lowers himself into the chair, watching with nervous eyes as Pope hovers behind John B. Just in case he lunges at JJ.

“My sister JJ?” John B groans after a few minutes of tense silence. JJ licks his lips nervously, keeping his eyes off John B.

“I swear it happened out of nowhere!” JJ says instantly, bracing for the moment that John B decides to take a swing at him.

“I promise I’m not going to hurt her.” JJ says after John B doesn’t say anything, and John B lifts his eyes to meet JJ’s.

“She really cares about you JJ. I’m not kidding, she’s really serious about you.” John B says, looking directly into JJ’s eyes. JJ can’t fight the small smile as it stretches across his face, you’re serious about him?

“She is?” He asks, and it’s just now that John B sees the genuine joy on JJ’s face.

“Yeah man, I could see it when she told me. She will be devastated if you screw this up, you’ll mess her up JJ.” John B snaps, wanting more than anything to protect you from getting hurt. That’s why he told you not to ever date JJ, and yet here we are.

“I’m not going to screw this up John B, I would never hurt her. I’m just as serious about her as she is about me.” JJ snaps, feeling frustrating bubbling in his chest.

“Good.” John B says, standing from the table. The tense look has left his face, but he still doesn’t look very happy.

“Oh and JJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell me if you sleep with Y/N, I don’t want to know.” He says, wincing uncomfortably. JJ gives him a thumbs up, not looking back as John B exits the Chateau.

//

Soon enough the next pogue party was in full swing at the boneyard, and this time you were most definitely in the partying mood. You tilted your beer bottle back, watching your boyfriend play hacky sack with Pope. It was nice to finally be public about your relationship with JJ, you don’t have to suffer through watching JJ flirt with other girls anymore. For the first few days after you told him, John B all but ignored JJ. He was slowly starting to come around, you knew he couldn’t be mad forever. The bonfire was tall, and from across the fire you could feel Rafe’s eyes on you. Rife paid a lot of unwanted attention to you, although you’re pretty sure it’s only because he wants to annoy John B. Like he wants to give John B the ultimate ‘screw you’, by sleeping with you. You can only hope he doesn’t say or do anything tonight because if he does, JJ is going to go ballistic.

“Nice swimsuit.” Almost as if on cue, you hear Rafe’s voice to your right and you sigh.

“Thanks.” You say dismissively, trying your best to get him to leave before John B or JJ notice. Rafe sits down next to you, too close for comfort. You hold your breath as you subtly tuck your legs a little closer to your body. Rafe either doesn’t care that you’re inching away from him or he hasn’t noticed.

“Need another drink?” Your beer is just about empty, and you could use another drunk. But you wouldn’t trust anything Rafe gets for you, you’d never drink it.

“No that’s okay, I’ll just have JJ get me one later.” You say with a smile, noticing the tense smile cross onto Rafe’s face.

“I can get you one now, no big deal.” Rafe stands up and takes a step towards the coolers when you speak up again.

“N-no Rafe it’s fine really. I don’t want to drink right now anyway.” You insist with a smile and Rafe shrugs, but he sits back down next to you. This time closer than he was before.

“Seen you hanging around JJ a lot lately, there a thing between you two?” Rafe asks, his tone tense and his posture almost threatening. Your eyes land on JJ again, who is further from the fire than last time you looked. He’s laughing with Pope and Kiara about something, thank God he hasn’t noticed Rafe yet.

“Yeah actually JJ is my boyfriend.” You say with a tight lipped smile. Rafe nods slowly, a far more irritated look on his face.

“Boyfriend. So you’ll date that pogue trash but won’t give me one chance?” Rafe’s tone is suddenly hostile, as is his body language. You swallow thickly, feeling very defensive of JJ.

“JJ isn’t trash, and I never gave you a chance Rafe because you’re an asshole.” You snap, moving to stand when you feel his hand curl around your upper arm tightly. You try to remain calm, but the urge to panic is growing stronger as Rafe keeps his hand curled around your arm.

“What is it about him Y/N? How on Earth is a piece of shit like JJ Maybank better than me? Does he fuck you good? Is that it?” Rafe hisses in your ear, his voice even which makes him sound more threatening.

“Rafe please let go.” You squeak, feeling him yank your back more flush to his chest.

“I’ll bet he fucks you nice and deep huh? Is that what you like most about him?” Rafe breathes against your neck as his head moves closer to you. Feeling like you’re going to have a panic attack, you try to pull away from Rafe again. When he doesn’t let you go you know what you have to do, even though it’s going to cause a scene.

“JJ!” You feel tears pushing at the backs of your eyes, Rafe’s grip only releasing lightly. From his spot a little ways from where you are, JJ hears your voice. When his gaze finds you, his fists curl and all he sees is red. In a few long strides, JJ is standing behind you two swinging his fist into Rafe’s right cheek. Rafe stumbles away from you, releasing his grip on your arm. You stand and immediately scramble behind JJ.

“Get your fucking hands off my girl Rafe.” JJ snaps, his eyes narrowed and his body language tense. One wrong move from Rafe will result in a violent outburst from JJ. Rafe wipes away the blood from his lip, smiling smugly at JJ. Rafe wanted to piss him off, and it worked.

“I dunno she seemed to be enjoying it.” Rafe shrugged and your eyes widened.

“Yeah? Then why did she call for me if she was enjoying your company so much?” JJ spat back, pacing around Rafe like a caged animal.

“Lets just say you might be used to her calling out your name in pleasure but don’t worry, that’ll change. Soon, she’ll be moaning my name.” Rafe smirks, and JJ lurches forward. In an instant your arms are curled around JJ’s chest, pulling against him as hard as you can. Unfortunately JJ towers over you, so it’s like trying to move a brick wall.

“Baby just forget it, he’s only trying to piss you off.” You say softly, still trying to pull JJ away from Rafe even though you’re not strong enough to move him. JJ’s eyes are locked onto Rafe, almost like a predator looking at its prey. His jaw is clenched, and so are his fists. Curled and ready to throw punches.

“Yeah JJ just forget it, I’ll make sure to fuck her so good she forgets all about you. I’ll fuck her so good the only thing she remembers is how my dick feels inside her.” Rafe says, clearly trying to egg JJ on. This time JJ is pushing out of your arms to punch Rafe again.

“Stop!” You yell as Rafe lands a hit on JJ’s left cheek. Suddenly John B is pushing through the crowd to yank JJ away from Rafe, positioning himself between the two. Topper comes behind Rafe to start pulling him away from the fight, while John B does the same with JJ.

“Go back to the Chateau, now.” John B snaps at JJ, who chucks his beer can at a fallen tree in anger. The beer can explodes open and sprays a few people before JJ is storming for the house, with you close behind.

“JJ?” You start cautiously, he’s a few steps ahead of you. JJ doesn’t respond, and from his quick pace and the way he keeps curling and uncurling his fists lets you know just how pissed off JJ is. He remains silent the entire way to the Chateau, and he slams the door open when he goes inside.

“JJ.” You say again as you follow him to your bedroom, and once inside he begins to pace back and forth. You can feel the anger practically radiating off of him.

“Let me see your arm.” JJ demands, and you quickly give him the arm Rafe was holding. There’s a slight bruise on your upper arm, and while it doesn’t hurt you can hear JJ growl under his breath.

“He fucking bruised you?” He seethes, his eyes flickering towards the door.

“Let it go, just forget it baby. Please.” You plead, placing your hands on his chest to stop him from moving. Even though you couldn’t actually stop him if he wanted to go somewhere, he was way stronger than you.

“How am I supposed to just forget it Y/N? Did you even hear what he was saying about you? I’m going to fucking kill him.” JJ nearly yells and you reach up to cup his cheeks in your hands.

“Because Rafe can say whatever he wants. The only name I will ever be moaning is yours JJ. The only person who has ever seen me naked is you, and nobody else will ever see me like that. You’re the only person who will get to have sex with me, Rafe can do nothing but dream.” You say softly, watching the anger begin to simmer out of his eyes.

“JJ you’re my first everything. First real relationship, first person to see me naked, my first love, and the man I’m going to give my virginity to. Rafe will never have any of those things, no matter how hard he tries.” You say, watching as an unreadable look crosses onto JJ’s face.

“You love me?” His eyebrows are furrowed, and the tension has left his shoulders by now. You swallow thickly before smiling up at him softly.

“Yeah, I love you JJ.” You whisper, hoping to God that he says it back. JJ looks stunned for a few seconds before a wide boyish grin splits across his face.

“I love you baby, so fucking much.” JJ breathes before his arms wind around your waist and he presses his lips to yours. The kiss is slow and passionate, his tongue immediately pressing past your parted lips. You mewl against his lips as his hand slides down your back to cup your ass. Your hands grab at his shoulders as JJ lifts you from the ground so that your legs can wind around his waist. He nips at your lower lip as he gently presses your back against your bedroom door. Your lips move languidly against him and when you feel heat simmering in your lower belly, you grind your hips against his.

“JJ,” you gasp as you pull back from him. JJ’s lips immediately latch onto your neck, sucking at the pulse point lightly drawing a moan from you. “I wanna do it now, I’m ready.” You gasp but your statement causes him to pause.

“You sure baby? We can wait-” He starts but you cut him off with a kiss.

“I love you JJ Maybank, and I don’t want to wait anymore. I wanna do it right now, please?” You lean closer to his ear, biting gently at his earlobe before you whisper one more thing.

“Make me yours.” JJ groans lowly before he presses his lips to yours again. JJ’s hands don’t know where to touch first, there’s so much uncharted skin for him to feel. He starts by pulling your bikini top off, revealing your bare breasts to him. He leans his head down to take a nipple in his mouth, and you whine softly. JJ lifts you more firmly again before walking you to the bed and laying you back on it. His mouth returns to your nipple, his other hand coming up to cup your other breast. He laves your nipple with his tongue before kissing across the expanse of your chest to give your other nipple the same attention. With his free hand, JJ snakes his arm down your body to pull your bikini bottoms off. He slides his hand down a little further and runs two of his fingers through your folds.

“Already so wet baby.” JJ groans against your skin, his mouth trailing kisses down your body as he moves down. He presses light kisses to your hip bones, causing your body to jolt and you to whine as you try to shift your hips towards his face. JJ smiles as he places light kisses along your upper thighs, drawing soft moans from your lips.

“Every sound you make is music to my ears.” JJ says, his voice even and collected. JJ was willing to wait as long as it took for you to feel comfortable, but he’d be lying if he said part of him wasn’t dying for this. You spread your thighs apart wider for him as he kisses all the way up to where you need him most. You wiggle your hips impatiently when he presses kisses around your clit, but never quite lands there.

“JJ please,” You beg, your firsts curling around the sheets as he smirks at you from between your legs. JJ hooks his arms around your thighs before yanking your body down, causing his mouth to collide with your pussy. His lips curl around your clit and you cry out, your back arching as your fingers wind into his hair. You’re whining loudly as his tongue laps at your clit, and licks long lines up your entrance.

“Oh my God that feels so good J,” you moan, nearly in tears from the amount of pleasure you feel already. JJ feels wave after wave heading straight for his cock, every time you moan or beg for him, it just takes him a little higher. He loves hearing how badly you need him. Gently JJ reaches a hand up, prodding a finger at your entrance. You whine nervously, fear shining in your eyes.

“Trust me baby, might pinch a little but I promise it’s gonna feel really good.” JJ says, waiting for your approval before he continues. You bite your lip and nod slowly, leaning your head back to relax your entire body. Carefully, JJ begins to push his pointer finger into your tight opening. It burns a little bit, and you squeeze your eyes shut when he gets to the knuckle and swiftly pushes past it. You cry out in pain a little, but JJ is right there to press loving kisses to your thighs and whisper reassuring words into your skin. You feel JJ slowly pull his finger out, and when he slides it back in you moan softly in pleasure. Your face slowly relaxes as your mouth falls into an ‘o’ shape, another moan pushing past your lips. JJ continues to slowly pump his finger into you, wrapping his lips around your clit once more.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful baby.” JJ whispers, his eyes shamelessly trailing up and down your body. JJ curls his finger inside you a little, watching as your back arches ever so slightly, and a soft moan tumbles past your lips.

“Gonna add another finger baby, just one more to stretch you a little for my cock.” JJ says softly, and sure enough he’s gently working another finger into you. You stretch a little more, the feeling causing a hiss of pain to emit from you. JJ presses soft kisses to your stomach as he pumps two fingers into you, and your fingers grasp at the sheets tightly.

“Oh God, I think I’m close J!” You cry out, your eyes squeezed shut and your head thrown back. JJ continues to pump his fingers into you at a steady pace, breathing softly against your skin and his eyes never leave yours. You moan a little louder when JJ’s mouth curls around your clit again and with one flick from his tongue, you’re cumming all over his face with a soft cry from your lips. JJ pulls back with the biggest, dumbest smile on his face before he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Shit, you’re so fucking sexy.” JJ groans, leaning over you to press his lips against yours. You moan a little when you taste yourself on his lips before you’re tugging at his clothes. JJ leans back on his heels to yank his shirt over his head, followed by his swim trunks. Your mouth finds his again as your arms wind around his shoulders.

“D-do you have a condom?” You whisper and JJ offers a wink before he’s reaching over the edge of the bed for his shorts. He digs through the pockets before pulling out a condom in silver foil packaging. You feel your nerves building again, and you shy away from him. You turn your head to avoid looking at him, but he hooks a finger under your chin to turn your head.

“You’re fucking beautiful. You sure you’re ready for this?” He asks, concern in his eyes as he tries to study your face for any signs of you changing your mind.

“I’m ready JJ.” You whisper and he presses a kiss to your forehead before ripping open the condom wrapper. He reaches down to roll the condom down his pulsing shaft and you spread your legs under him, trying to get comfortable. You feel the head parting your lips and you squeeze your eyes shut when he stops.

“Try to relax okay? It’s gonna hurt so just tell me to stop if it’s too much.” JJ says, and you can hear the concern in his voice. You nod as you wrap your arms around his torso, releasing a deep breath to let your muscles relax fully. Gently, JJ begins to push into you and the burn is immediately intense. You whimper in pain, burying your face into his neck as he slowly works his cock into your tight heat. JJ is using every ounce of self control he has to not pound into you, the tightness of your cunt is suffocating.

“Holy shit, you’re fucking tight. Christ.” JJ groans, his forehead pressing against yours as he continues to slide inch by inch into you. Eventually JJ hits your hymen, but he doesn't move.

“Once I break your hymen, you’re not a virgin anymore and I will be the guy that popped your cherry. You okay with that?” JJ asks, and you marvel how coherently he’s speaking, you can barely think straight with his cock half inside you. You nod but JJ doesn’t move.

“Words please.” JJ won’t continue without verbal consent.

“Yes JJ, you’re the only person I ever want to have sex with. Please take my virginity J.” You gasp, hoping that the intense burning subsides soon. JJ winds his arms around your back tightly while pressing kisses against your neck, and with one sharp thrust he’s breaking your hymen and sliding the rest of the way into you. You gasp, tears pricking at the corner of your eyes as you press your face into JJ’s neck.

“You okay baby?” He gasps, the feeling of your pussy squeezing him is making him feel lightheaded. Being seated fully inside of you is almost too overwhelming, you’re so tight.

“J-Just give me a minute.” You gasp through tears, the pain is unbearable. But you grit your teeth and wait, and JJ doesn’t complain at all. He sits fully inside of you, using his arms to hold himself up, pressing gentle kisses into your neck until you’re ready.

“You’re so big JJ, fuck.” You gasp, feeling tingles shoot through you when he adjusted and slid out of you a few inches. You moan, and JJ groans softly at the sound.

“Please move JJ, slowly.” You say softly, and slowly JJ pulls his hips back before sliding all the way back in. You moan again, and JJ swears under his breath. JJ continues to thrust sweetly into you, being sure not to go too fast so that he doesn’t hurt you. Your eyes are squeezed shut as he moves inside you, and the feeling is downright heavenly, even with the little twinges of pain. You gasp and moan softly against him, loving the feeling of his breath against your neck. JJ’s eyes are squeezed shut as he feels you hugging his cock just right.

“Jesus baby, you feel so fucking good.” JJ praises and you moan softly, turning your head to press your lips against his. Your lips move against JJ’s, your nails leaving angry red claw marks down his back. You feel that coil winding tighter and tighter in your abdomen, and all you can do is cling desperately to JJ.

“I love you JJ.” You cry out, your body arching into his when his thumb rolls your clit. JJ speeds up a little bit, his tip ramming into your g-spot. JJ bent down to press a sweet kiss to your lips before he leans up over you, his hands on your hips.

“I love you baby,” JJ groans, his head tossing back as you clamp down around him. Before you even have time to warn him, you’re gushing around his cock, your body spasming as you cum. JJ pumps into you a few more times before you clench around him again and he cums, catching himself with one hand so he doesn’t fall on top of you when he cums into the condom. You’re panting as JJ gently pulls out of you, seeing you wince in pain. He throws the condom into the trash can before sliding into bed next to you. JJ opens his arms and pulls you against his chest, pressing a kiss against your head.

“So uh, how’d I do? I’ve never taken someone’s virginity before. Was it okay?” JJ asks, and you can hear the anxiety in his voice. You turn in his arms to press your lips against his.

“It was amazing, you were amazing baby.” You reassure, nuzzling his nose with yours before you’re eventually pulled to sleep.

//

The next morning, JJ decides to let you sleep in. You’re probably going to be sore anyway, and when he heads out to help John B with the boat, he ignores the look he gets from Kiara. The ‘you look like you had sex with John B’s sister last night’ look. JJ approaches the boat, and takes a wrench before moving to look at the engine. As the day goes on, the sun rises higher and higher and like JJ always does- he takes his shirt off when the heat becomes too much.

“JJ?” John B’s voice is tense, and JJ’s shoulder’s go rigid as he turns.

“What’s up John B?”

“What the hell happened to your back?” John B asks, although he unfortunately already knows the answer. JJ, who completely forgot about how you desperately clawed at his back last night, peeks over his shoulder and sees the nail marks all down his back.

“Well, uh-”

“I’m going to fucking kill you JJ!”

“I’m sorry! You said not to tell you and technically I didn't!”

[rubykgrant]

(Here’s the beginning of the interview Andrews has with Sarge, so she can share what the Reds and Blues have been up to with the universe)

“Well, I’m not sure where you want to start-”

“I WAS BORN 29 YEARS AGO, I CAME INTO THIS WORLD WEARING RED ARMOR, AND I’LL GO OUT OF THIS WORLD WEARING RED ARMOR!”

“Now, now…” Andrews said, her voice both amused and patient. “I won’t be exposing any secrets you want to keep, you’ll have the final word on what information I share publicly, but between the two of us? Let’s try to keep things simple, and honest. After all, we ARE on a first-name basis!”

The old soldier was quiet a moment. A short moment, but for Sarge, being quiet was about as rare as hen’s teeth.

“Fair enough, Dylan…” he answered at last. “But the name is one of the things we keep quiet about, understand?”

“Absolutely… can I ask one question, though? Just for my own curiosity,” her curiosity often got the best of her, and certainly created problems occasionally… but that was why she was a reporter. Curiosity might have killed the cat, but satisfaction is what kept bringing her back.

“Hmph. Fine. Shoot,”

“I’ve never heard a name like yours before. Just what was the inspiration when it was chosen for you?”

Another quiet moment. Andrews was beginning to think he was simply going to ignore the question, and if that was the case, she would move on rather than press the subject. However-

“When I was born, which was MORE than 29 years ago, I ADMIT IT… m’family didn’t name me right away. Not too many infants survived their first few weeks back then… it was a different world back then, see- you’re too young, you never lived in a war-zone, but that’s what it was like. So, they waited to see if… well, you know how you’re not supposed to name anything, or else you’ll get attached? ‘Folks were worried about getting attached to ME, because maybe I wasn’t even gonna live too long… but a few weeks went by, then a couple months, and I was still breathin’!” he chuckled a bit to himself before continuing.

“I guess I was the only baby that made it, and the group of survivors my family stayed with- they all supported each other. A whole bunch of people took turns watching over this little bundle of joy! Everybody had a different name they liked to call me, and when it was time to give me a REAL name… it all got combined together. One big name, from more than a dozen different people, who all came from different places, and spoke different languages… I was the only baby any of them had, so I suppose they gave me all the names of… their kids who weren’t with them…”

“That’s… oh, Sarge, I don’t know what to say, that’s INCREDIBLE… it might be the sweetest thing’ I’ve ever heard-” it was true, Andrews didn’t know what it was like to be born directly into a war-zone; and at the time the man sitting in front of her was a child, the Earth had been under attack by enemies from outer space… not to mention all the never-ending fights between humans who decided they hated other humans enough to kill each other. No, she hadn’t lived through that, but she had seen documents and footage.

Many towns and cities were destroyed, and groups of people would try to band together; they formed new little communities, some traveling like nomads, others attempting to stay out in one place, but all generally learning to rely on one another for safety and survival. Generations of children were lost during this time… from injury, illness, or lack of food. To think that she was now speaking to somebody who had grown up in that world, protected and nurtured by an extended-family of people who had been brought together by necessity, but stayed together by choice. That choice had, in fact, been to make sure a child could LIVE.

“I know, I know! Tragic and heart-warming… it’s practically Oscar-bait! But remember what we agreed on, not a word to anybody else! Bad enough that whipper-snapper apple-Jax knows…” he grumbled.

“Yes, I understand…” she couldn’t help but get a little choked-up, though.

“And, for the record- I mean, this is OFF the record, make sure to keep it that way! But just so YOU know, I’m not a bit embarrassed about my name! That’s not why I don’t wanna share it… it’s just…” Sarge seemed to struggle to find the words. “The people who named me are gone. All of them. And this wasn’t just my name, it was the name they gave me… someday, I’m probably going to die on a battlefield, being taken out by an enemy, and God-willing, I’ll be wearing my RED ARMOR- but when that happens, whoever kills me… I don’t wanna hear them saying that name. It was good name that good people gave me, so… so…”

“… you don’t want somebody who hates you to use the name that was made by people who loved you,” Andrews finished.

“Hurrrgh- if you WANT to read into it like that and add lots of mushy, emotional subtext, sure!” Sarge made several grunts and groans, crossing his arms across his chest and turning his helmet away to avoid looking at her.

“You are a surprisingly deep and sensitive individual, Sarge…” Andrews marveled.

“NO I AIN’T! YOU TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW! I AM A ONE-DIMENSIONAL CHARACTER, A FLAT STEREO-TYPE OF ALL GRUFF MILITARY MEN, AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!”

[forasecondtherewedwon]

Guest Side Story

Fandom: The Falcon and the Winter Soldier Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Sarah Wilson Rating: T Word Count: 3214

Summary: Sam told Bucky not to flirt with Sarah. But this is her house, so Bucky's pretty sure she makes the rules.

Bucky’s missed white lies. Ones that don’t hurt anybody.

“Is that cigarette smoke I smell on your coat, James Barnes?” “No, Ma. ’Course not.”

“And you’re sure this dame knows it’s my arm she’ll be on?” “Sure, Steve. She’s been after me to fix the two of you up for weeks.”

Stuff like that.

Past few years, Bucky’s either been transparent or a brick wall, all lies or all truth. Which one he loses more sleep over just depended on the day. The most human thing, he’s learning, is to work with a little of both: fact and fiction. Give something here, hold something back there. Lying doesn’t have to be mean-spirited and telling the truth doesn’t have to make him feel hollow and guilty. Maybe you can only realize this kinda thing when you find your way home, even if the home isn’t yours.

Bucky’s standing in the kitchen listening to Cass teach him how to fish. It’s purely theoretical, no gear involved, just the overexaggerated motion of Cass’s arm as he mimes casting. Laughing, Bucky lightly grabs the boy’s elbow before it can collide with the refrigerator on an especially big swing. Cass downsizes his demonstration without pausing the excited flow of his instructions.

AJ catches Bucky’s eye; from the look on his face, he’s beginning to suspect that Bucky might already know how to fish. While Cass is focused hard on his hands pretending to show how to fit live bait onto a hook, Bucky smiles at AJ over the smaller boy’s head and raises a finger to his lips. White lies. Let Cass believe he’s the expert.

When Cass is winding down, Bucky moves around him with a grin, carrying an empty plate to the sink.

“I got it!” AJ declares, whisking it from Bucky’s hand and pumping a squirt of dish soap in the center while his other hand runs the hot water.

Cass slotted the Pop-Tarts the plate lately held into the toaster for him (no better end-of-the-day snack, Bucky was told) and now AJ’s cleaning up. They’re a hospitable family, all day long. No phoniness, no insincere offers of help that they’re hoping Bucky won’t take them up on. He actually had to race the kids to the shed to store a toolbox earlier. On the boat, Bucky has room to put in the effort for the Wilsons, but inside the walls of their home he’s not allowed to do a damn thing because he’s a guest. Per square foot of property, he doesn’t think he’s ever been treated this well in someone else’s house.

“Fine,” Bucky concedes, “but I’m doing all the dishes tomorrow—breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And don’t get up early to drink a glass of orange juice and try to wash it before I’m awake, ’cause I’ll be listening.”

The boys giggle and Bucky leans against the counter, hovering while AJ hands the plate off for Cass to wipe dry and pretending not to listen to Sam and Sarah talking in the next room.

…But there isn’t a full wall separating the kitchen from the living room and Sam knows Bucky’s hearing’s good, right? He doesn’t think they’re discussing anything that private and if Sam’s annoyed with him later for what he supposes Bucky might’ve heard, Bucky’ll just offer up another white lie and swear he couldn’t hear a thing. And Sarah… Sarah wouldn’t think any worse of him if she knew. Bucky imagines she’d have a lot of compassion for his frequent urge to give Sam a hard time just for the hell of it. He flicks a quick glance over his shoulder, just to see her, and concentrates on what they’re saying, giving himself vague permission because he overheard his name.

“This was your idea,” Sarah’s saying. “You brought the stray cat home, just like when we were kids.”

“Don’t compare him to something cute,” Sam complains. Bucky’s mouth tenses to keep his smile from spreading too far.

“He is a guest in my home, Sam, and he’s more than earned it after the work he’s been putting in with the boat.”

“And what about the work you’ve been putting in watching him do that work?”

“Sam. Grow up.” Sarah’s voice is playful and Bucky almost turns, wondering what her expression looks like.

“So you’ve just been appreciating his skill with a wrench and some sandpaper,” Sam says skeptically.

“If I’m also appreciating his shoulders in that shirt— if—” she emphasizes when Sam tries to interrupt, “—it’s nobody’s business but mine.”

“Ok, you definitely can’t have him sleeping on the couch.”

“What do you think I’m gonna do? Try to sneak him to my bedroom after lights out? With you listening, trying to catch us? Uh uh. Your sister is a grown woman with two children, a home, and a boat she couldn’t manage to sell, and she can lust where she damn well pleases.”

Bucky snorts out a laugh and AJ gives him a funny look. Kid’s too perceptive.

“He’s tricky,” Sam lectures. “You can’t see it, but I do. I’ve been around him a hell of a lot more. You think he smiles like that at everybody? If he smiles at me at all, I gotta assume he just looked up and saw a meteor hurtling towards where we’re standing and is only smiling because we’ve got seconds to live and I won’t be able to tell anybody.”

“You are hilarious.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You’re telling me your friend is charming. That’s what you’re describing. Don’t I deserve to be charmed? Where else is he gonna sleep, huh? With you? In one of the boys’ little beds while they share the other one? Because I know you’re not suggesting we skip the pretense and put him right in with me.”

Sam lets out a noise of obvious frustration.

“Time to intervene,” Bucky tells Cass and AJ, leaving them to swap confused shrugs in the kitchen as he saunters into the living room.

“Hey,” Sam greets stonily, arms crossed over his chest.

Just for fun, Bucky decides to be all the friendlier.

“It’s so great of you to put me up. Thanks, Sarah. This beats a hotel by a mile.”

“Our gourmet kitchen does offer an impressive range of sugary cereal,” she jokes. “I might even cook you boys a special breakfast tomorrow before you head back to the dock.”

Bucky’s grin widens.

“Oh yeah? I wouldn’t wanna—”

“No, it’s no trouble—”

“Well, that would be—”

“Both of you stop it,” Sam orders.

“Sam, go outside,” Sarah orders right back. “Play some tag with your nephews.”

“Sarah, I’m beat. We’ve been working on that boat all day.”

“Mhmm, you and the rest of the neighbourhood. You worked all day and you come home and there’s still two kids to entertain. But guess what?” She smiles deviously at her brother and throws a few fake punches at his stomach. “You’re Sam Wilson, the Falcon! Looks like you’re special after all. Me and Bucky here know you’ve still got some gas in the tank. Go on.”

Sam looks fairly planted to the spot as he glares from his sister to Bucky, but he eventually moves with a lurching step.

“I’m gonna be right outside,” he warns.

Bucky sidesteps out of his path and says nothing, though it’s hard to resist the instinct to egg him on.

“We’re gonna have a super-secret discussion about which towels he can use,” Sarah goads at her brother’s back.

Sam ignores her, corralling his nephews in the kitchen and guiding them out the door into the fading daylight with a hand on each of their narrow backs.

“Great kids,” Bucky observes.

Sarah nods, watching her family disappear, then turns to him.

“We’re not really gonna talk about towels.”

“No?”

Bucky’s eyebrows rise in surprise and delighted anticipation until Sarah grabs a folded blanket off the back of the couch and passes it to him.

“We’re making up the couch.”

“Oh.”

This is ok too. Actually, really nice, standing next to Sarah and unfolding the blanket as she stuffs a pillow into a clean case. Her eyes find his already on her and he swears he almost blushes; he’s been smoothing out the same crease in this blanket for a good thirty seconds with no result, just watching her easy movements, the way she flips her braids back when they fall forward over her shoulder.

“I hope you’re comfortable,” she says, lingering once they’re done.

“I woulda slept on the floor. A closet, even, like Harry Potter.”

“You read Harry Potter? Don’t tell the boys—they’ll be bugging you to play wizards with them.”

Bucky laughs and shakes his head.

“Nah, I just watched the movie.”

“Which one?”

“There’s more than one?”

“You really better not bring it up then,” Sarah advises. “They’d try to tell you everything at once.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t want to get in out of my depth.”

It feels like a significant look they exchange after his words. Bucky wants it to be—he thinks he does—but he feels awkward, romantically clumsy. Heartstrings tied together like shoelaces, waiting to trip him up. He’s been telling himself she’s only being kind, but after eavesdropping on her conversation with Sam, he knows she’s interested. In his shoulders at the very minimum. Was that right? His shoulders? Just in case, Bucky does his best to square them. Can’t hurt.

He’s fucking ecstatic when Sarah does glance down briefly, her gaze returning to his face with something flustered in it. Sure, she’s a mom and she runs a business, but it’s like she told Sam: she deserves to be charmed. Bucky’s not entirely sure he’s doing it right though.

“So,” she says, “Sam was just being a pain when he tried to convince me you can’t sleep on the couch because you’ve got a bad back, right?”

Bucky sighs but keeps smiling. It’s natural in her presence.

“I’d say that’s him making old-man jokes about me.”

“I apologize for my brother and his bad manners.”

“Ah, he’s not totally wrong,” he concedes, perching on the arm of the couch. “These last few birthdays have required more candles than you could fit on a cake.”

“Then you just have to get yourself a bigger cake.”

Bucky laughs.

“I guess optimism’s pretty much a family trait?”

“We work at it. They say you need to take the good with the bad, but they don’t tell you that means creating the good out of nothing a lot of the time, if you want any at all. The Wilsons worked that out some time ago, so we mostly do alright.”

“It’s a good feeling to be around,” he tells Sarah earnestly. Clearing his throat, he gets to his feet. “Feels good, being around you.”

“We’re… I’m happy you could stay with us.”

The light’s softened in the room and her voice has gone with it. Bucky shifts on his feet.

“It’s a pleasure to be here,” he assures her.

Sarah’s eyelashes flutter when she looks from his mouth to his eyes. Probably too try-hard to bite his lip now. God, Sam thinks Bucky’s so suave with Sarah, but it feels like he’s only got one move and it’s fucking smiling. Some Casanova he is. Sarah, meanwhile, is beautiful and authoritative and generous and moving closer to toss the pillow he’ll rest his head on tonight onto the couch.

“Anything else you need to be comfortable?” she asks, gaze slipping from one of his eyes to the other. “Another pillow? Pajamas?”

“I’ve got some, but…”

“But?”

Sarah gives him a questioning look and Bucky starts summoning the courage to make a move. He’ll touch her waist—no, take her hand. He’ll cup her sweet face so there’s no doubt what he means.

“But,” he picks up, “if I get cold in the night…”

There’s longing in her eyes, Bucky knows it, but Sam bangs in the screen door right then, one nephew squealing where he’s been slung over Sam’s shoulder.

“Well,” Sam announces loudly to the house at large, “that’s it! No more gas in the tank! Everybody get to bed!”

Sarah appears sorry as she steps back. Bucky almost reaches out to pull her in, to take another shot with another lousy line. Shit, he’s bad at this.

“There are more blankets in the hall closet,” she says, and slips away.

“Thank you,” he calls after her.

Sam walks past, Cass still dangling upside-down over his back while AJ runs ahead, and watches Bucky like a hawk (or some other bird of prey) as he digs through his overnight bag. What’s Sam expecting him to pull out? A strip of condoms? Bucky extracts a green toothbrush and holds it up with an expression of fake wonder. Sam rolls his eyes and heads off down the hall.

They are going to bed early, barely 9pm. That’s probably late for the kids though. Bucky’s pleasantly weary after a day outdoors, more working than talking, feeling like part of something as the Wilsons’ community came together to repair the boat. Seeing Sarah throughout. Flashing Bucky a smile while she spoke to a neighbour, grasping his outstretched hand to let him help her aboard so she could see their progress, checking Sam’s work like she’s his foreman while Bucky grinned and watched the siblings good-naturedly pick at each other. Sam was probably out like a light and Bucky should be too.

He’s not.

He can’t get to sleep right away, but it’s peaceful to lie here on the couch, on his back, while the house gets dark and darker. Sarah left the nearest window cracked for him and a gentle breeze washes in with the chirp of insects. Bucky’s already looking forward to being woken by the sun streaming through in the morning. It’d be good to get from now to daylight in a single stretch of sleep; that’s what he fantasizes about while he lies on his back: no nightmares. His head’s propped up by the pillow he tells himself smells like Sarah, though it probably just smells like her laundry soap.

It’s hard to put his finger on what’s missing, why he can’t fall asleep, until he hears the soft shuffle of footsteps on carpet. They’re too close together to be Sam’s—either hesitant or made by child-sized feet. Bucky cranes his neck around, expecting to see someone walk past on their way to the kitchen for a glass of water. His gaze roams over nothing for a minute, then he slumps back as the footsteps retreat. Maybe it was Sam after all, getting up to look in on his nephews or something. It’s the sorta thing Bucky would do if he were an uncle; he’d treasure the time with those kids, try to remember everything about his visit so he could hang on to it when he found himself half a world away, in Berlin or Riga or Madripoor.

He’s settling, trapping the blanket against his chest with a heavy hand, when he hears the footsteps approach again. Then back away seconds later. Slowly, Bucky starts to smile to himself. It’s Sarah. Can only be her. She’s either trying to psych herself up to come in here and talk to him and failing, or trying to resist venturing down the hall and succeeding.

On her next attempt, she gets closer, and Bucky sits up, kicking the blanket aside, and drops his feet to the floor in anticipation of her rounding the corner. He’s nervously gripping the couch cushion on either side of his knees when she does.

“You sneaking past Sam?” he asks quietly.

Sarah jumps, pressing a hand to her chest.

“You scared me. I wasn’t sure you’d be awake.”

Bucky shrugs, dreamily fixated on her smile. One of her neighbours turns on their porchlight and now Sarah can probably see his smile too.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he says.

“Shoot. Did you need something else?”

Kinda funny how she’s pretending she was coming out here for another reason and is just making a detour for him. He knows better, but he’s got enough remnants of being a gentleman not to call her out on it.

“Nah. It’s nothing to do with you.” Bucky stares at her a few seconds and changes his mind. “You know what? Actually, it is you.”

“What is?” Sarah asks with a hushed, confused laugh.

“The reason I can’t get to sleep. Sarah…”

But she smiles and does what he did to the boys earlier—holds a finger to her lips.

With the confidence of a woman at ease in her own home and her own body, she steps forward. She wore a yellow t-shirt today, but the one she wears now is pale pink. It’s loose and worn and reveals the strong, elegant curve of her shoulder when she moves and it slips. Gazing up at her, Bucky shifts until he feels the back of the couch. His hands hover in the air as Sarah digs one knee, then the other, into the cushion on either side of him. She lowers herself onto his thighs.

Moving slow like the hour, deep like the black sky, Bucky runs his hands up her back.

Sarah’s palms land on his shoulders and, smiling, she confesses to him, “I like these.”

He’s smirking when she ducks her head to kiss him.

Now that he has her here—on his lap, in his arms—Bucky forgets every way he wanted to touch her earlier. How he was gonna woo her with tender contact applied just right. Well, thank god for Sarah. She sets the pace of the kiss and, when his hands go still at her upper back, reaches around to bring one of them back down to her waist. He can feel that there’s no bra beneath her shirt.

“Rusty,” he breathes when their mouths slide apart.

“You were on that old boat all day,” she reminds him. “You know I’ve got patience for rusty.”

Still, Bucky wants to do a little better, prove that maybe he’s what she had in mind when she decided he was worth smiling at. He cradles Sarah closer, pulling her in, dipping his fingers into the valley of her spine when she arches into him. They kiss firmer, then faster. At her quick nod of encouragement, he moves his hands to her hips. Lower.

“Sarah?” Sam slurs sleepily from down the hall. “You outta bed?”

Sarah presses a hand to Bucky’s chest and pushes off his lap, other hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter. He chuckles too.

“As the Falcon, timing is one of his greatest strengths.”

“And as his sister,” Sarah counters, “it gets on my last nerve.”

“Well, I didn’t wanna say that, but…” Bucky grins.

“Sarah?” Sam calls out again.

She sighs.

“Is he trying to wake the boys?” She takes a step away from the couch, wearing a regretful smile. “I better go.”

Bucky catches himself before he can blurt out I’ll miss you. Overeager fool.

“See you in the morning?” Sarah checks, something shy about her now, but not in a bad way. Cautiously hopeful, Bucky thinks. He’s been feeling that way himself.

He gives her one more smile for the road.

“You bet.”

[xo-cuteplosion-xo]

Hey there author! Could you maybe do headcannons for being stuck in a locked/stuck in a room with Dazai, chuuya, akutagawa, and fyodor. Individually or as a group?

 Okay, so I'll do both, all together, then individually. Not sure if you wanted relationships anon, so I did give them relationship stuff in the individuals.

Let’s be realistic. Being stuck in a room with all four of those boys… you're asking for trouble XD.

First, there is going to be a lot of glaring and attempts to kill each other. If somebody (most likely you) doesn't step in then somebody is dying or at least getting severely injured.

Akutagawa is going to try and prove himself to Dazai. So he’ll either attack you or him. (why not Fyodor? Akutagawa isn’t a dumb-ass, that's why. He knows he’d probably end up dead. Though if it came down to it he’d probably end up attacking him just for the hell of it.)

Dazai will just sit back and watch. Don’t worry he’s already thinking and predicting things. 

Of course, there is Chuuya… he’s shouting and annoying the brunette but it isn't anything he’s not used to.

If you're in the ADA, Dazai's ready to step in and help you. The same could be said if you were in the Mafia. Though, it wouldn’t be his priority. If you're with Fyodor… yeah he’ll just leave Akutagawa to deal with you.

Chuuya would ignore you unless you were in the mafia.  In that case, he’d move from being an angry bomb with Dazai to an angry dog trying to keep Akutagawa from killing his comrade. He’d stay clear of Fyodor.

Akutagawa doesn't care. He’ll attack you for the hell of it. If you're part of the mafia, I'm sure you’d find a way to piss him off.

Once the arguing ends and the two highly intelligent males *cough* Fyodor and Dazai. *cough* will be figuring how to get away from their situation.

Don’t even bother trying to help. Fyodor will A- kill you or, B- completely ignore you. Dazai’s just gonna ignore you.

The solving problems come only after Chuuya's already attempted to kick down a wall with his gravity manipulation. Might as well add Akutagawa using Rashoumon to help him. If that doesn't work, they will silently rely on Dazai and Fyodor to stop their mental war of glaring, and snarling at one another.

If you all manage to get out alive, it will be one of those 'everybody goes separate ways' situations. You know you’ll all share that “this never happened" look.

Dazai-

Oh lord, stuck alone with Dazai.

He’d be his usual self. Ask for a double suicide, flirt, then get to work.

If you got unlucky he’d be in one of the “just wait till Kunikida comes to unlock the door.” 

If you happen to be with Dazai at the time, he'll take the time to either hold you close, or get a little on the intimate side.

I can imagine Dazai sitting there brushing his hand through your hair before kissing you softly. It would be silent but the privacy of being locked in the room would be nice.

He may talk here and there while you two wait to be rescued, but he’d be quiet most of the time. Either trying to figure out how to get out or just lost in his thoughts.

If you started to get tired or cold, he'd do whatever he could to make sure you were both safe and doing alright.

When somebody does show to unlock the door of the room, Dazai will carry you out of there. He doesn't care if you can stand or if you're conscious. He’s going to carry you out of there.

If nobody comes and you start to show signs of discomfort, he'll stop lazing around and solve his way out of the room. When he finds the way out, he'll take you with him.

Chuuya

Loud

That room is going to be filled with indescribable cursing and shouts of frustrated anger.

Once he’s done being pissed at himself, or whoever got you two in this situation, he'll start trying to get out. Looking for windows to shatter or weak points in the steel walls. He’ll use his ability to. When that doesn't work he’ll pout

Yes, Chuuya will pout like an adult child. He’ll storm over to the wall and just kick it over and over.

You’ll have to pull him away.

He’ll grumble about how useless this situation is and how annoying it all is.

He won’t admit it, but he doesn't mind being stuck there with you. (tsundere Chuuya)

He will not let you out of his sight.

If you don’t know the reason behind being locked in here, he fears somebody may hurt you.

If after you’ve both sat there trying to figure this out, neither of you have a solution. You’ll have to be the one to toss the towel. That means grabbing your phone to request backup. 

Chuuya will try to prevent this, he’ll never hear the end of it from the others when they find out about this.

While you wait, he'll be the one to fall asleep. Be prepared to take pictures, he’s an adorable sleeper!

If you chose to lay down, take the opportunity to lay your head on his chest. You may find he self-consciously wraps his arms around you.

Don’t get too embarrassed though.

When help arrives be prepared for the snickers… if it’s Dazai who shows up. He’ll be quiet enough, so he gets photos. Oh, and you two will never hear the end of this incident.

Akutagawa

He’ll just stand there dumbfounded for a bit.

You’ll have to gather the courage to tap his shoulder and point out the obvious

He may attack you so be careful

If he likes you, he might click his tongue and keep his distance. 

He’s going to be silent… mostly

He’ll start attacking the walls with Rashoumon.

When that doesn't work he’ll look to you for help. Of course, he won’t say he needed help. He won’t admit to any form of weakness.

When all else fails. He’ll sit down only to act like he knows what he’s doing. 

It may be awhile before he looks at you, clicks his tongue, and grumbles for you to sit with him.

You'd sit down tense, but he’d act as if you weren't there even if he was paying attention to you.

If you happened to fall asleep and fall to his shoulder, he isn’t going to move a muscle.

He’ll internally panic unsure of what to do. 

Eventually, he’ll wrap you in Rashoumon to keep you from getting cold.

He’d call one of his underlings for help. Most likely Higuchi.

The look on her face when she realizes how close you got to Akutagawa would set her off.

That woman is going to be glaring at you for months. 

Fyodor- Disclaimer… I’m not very good with his character

If you're not a part of the decay of angels/rats in the house of the dead… let’s just say you may not find yourself walking out of here alive. That is to say, if you're not with Fyodor.

If you happen to be his s/o he’ll keep you tied to him. Literally and figuratively.

He refuses to let you form his sight. Every movement you make is tracked. His mind is working to predict what’s going on as well as solve his way out of here. If he finds a way that only gets one person out, he'll ignore it. After all, he wants to get both of you out. He refuses to be stuck alone without an eye on you. In case on the outside, somebody is waiting.

He has a lot of enemies, so if this wasn’t done by one of his own he’s going to be extra careful. He’s calm and collected even if you start to panic. He’ll make sure to calm you down.

When he does find a way out… the person who made you panic and distressed as well as take his valuable time from him isn’t going to have a good day.

Expect a blood bath.

If it were one his own trying to get you two together… he’ll glare at them, but he’d be lenient.

Despite his cold look, he can be a bit obsessive with things he holds dear. That’s why he’d hurt whoever did it despite nothing serious happening.

If you did get injured… it will be utter devastation. We're talking not just one murder but several. Anybody who dared to put you in that situation.

Hope this was okay

[spencers-renaissance]

This Gravitational Pull

Summary: Penelope Garcia sets her two best friends Derek & Spencer up on a blind first date. Even with the best intentions and highest expectations, no-one could've predicted it would go quite this well.

Tags: fluff, first date, au: diff first meeting, shy spencer, insecurity, anxiety, flirting, cuddling, protective derek, silly amounts of affection

Pairing: Derek Morgan x Spencer Reid

Word Count: 2.9k

Masterlist // Read on AO3

I started writing this and then realised that I'd set their date in a pub's beer garden? I googled it and apparently they are a thing in America so I kept it in. I don't know how common they are, but I hope it's all good and you can picture the setting just fine.

Spencer really wishes he hadn’t agreed to this blind date.

Not because he doesn’t trust Penelope — he does, he trusts her implicitly and entirely — but because it's a blisteringly hot day in late July and the heat compounded by his shaking nerves is making for a rather unpleasant sweating situation.

A bumblebee buzzes quietly around the table he’s sat at, briefly interested in the iced coffee he’s got his hands wrapped around, and Spencer watches it with a gentle sort of intrigue, able to briefly take his mind off the impending date. He knows that Supervisory Special Agent Derek Morgan is physically attractive, Penelope had made that more than clear with both her copious photos of him and the way she’s sung his praises since she started working at the FBI, but if anything, that just makes him more nervous. If Derek wasn’t his type, then he wouldn’t have as much to lose.

He runs a nervous hand through his hair as he heaves a small sigh. Worst case scenario, he can run home to his apartment, order Indian food, bury himself in the early edition of War and Peace he just won in an auction and forget that this date ever happened.

“Spencer? Spencer Reid?”

A surprisingly deep and sexy voice has him looking up from the watch face he’s been staring at perhaps a little too intensely, and he’s instantly taken aback by the Greek God standing in front of him. He’d known Derek was attractive, he'd seen pictures of him, but no camera could ever hope to do someone so beautiful any semblance of justice.

“Uh, y-yes, um, yeah. That’s me.” He shakes his head to try and recover his awkward word stumbling before discreetly wiping his sweaty palm on his trousers and standing up to shake Derek’s hand. “You’re Derek?”

“The one and only,” Derek says cheekily, shooting Spencer a grin that already has his stomach churning with a mix of excitement and crippling nerves. “Penelope told me you were gorgeous, but let me tell you, she really undersold it, pretty boy.”

His cheeks instantly flush red as he fights to maintain eye contact, blinking owlishly at the other man. Did he really just say that?

“I was going to say the same thing.”

Derek’s grin only widens. “Well, it looks like Penelope matched us well, then.”

This time Spencer allows himself to briefly duck his head as a baffling mix of pleasure and mortification swim around his chest. He puts it down to inexperience. Any other explanation will only compound his embarrassment.

“She did,” he agrees, smiling over at Derek and hoping desperately that he’s managing to stay cooler on the outside than he is on the inside. “Do you want something to drink?”

Derek nods. “I’ll go and order a beer at the bar. Do you want anything or are you okay with that coffee?”

“Oh no, I’m fine, thank you,” Spencer says, and mentally he praises himself for finally getting out a coherent sentence that doesn’t sound hopelessly mangled and flustered.

He watches Derek as he strides into the pub, looking as cool and confident as his looks and personality allow, and he realises that he really does just have a way about him. The bar is relatively crowded due to the blinding heat on a Saturday afternoon, but the bartender serves him instantly, all the girls eyeing him interestedly and the guys knocking his shoulder and joking about with him as though they’re all easy, long-time friends.

It’s nice, Spencer thinks, to be the focus of someone like that’s attention. Derek could have his pick of most people drinking here, but he only has eyes for Spencer as he comes back out, holding a tall pint and wearing a happy, focused expression as he sits back down.

“Do you not drink?” Derek asks curiously and without judgement, gesturing to his coffee.

“I go out with my friends sometimes,” Spencer says, blushing again, “but I’m a bit of a lightweight, and that’s not the best state of mind to be in on any first date, let alone a blind one.”

Derek chuckles warmly at that, and the sound is a pleasant rumble reminiscent of a distant thunderstorm. Spencer wants to melt into it.

“I think I’d like to see you all messy on a night out, pretty boy,” Derek says wryly, still grinning shamelessly, and Spencer gets the distinct impression that this ‘pretty boy’ business is going to be a Thing between them.

Spencer cocks his head and takes a sip of his coffee through the long metal straw. “Maybe you’ll have to join us some time.”

“Does that mean we’re going on another date?” Derek asks, but before Spencer can panic that he’s said the wrong thing, he’s smoothly continuing. “Because I’m more than down for that.”

“You are?”

“Pretty boy, you ever looked in the mirror?” Derek demands playfully. “Add that to this cute little nerdy bashful doctor thing you got going on and you’re the whole package. Of course I want another date with you, and we’ve barely even started this one.”

Spencer flushes bright pink at that, and decides to move the conversation on before he melts into a literal puddle in the middle of this beer garden. “So you know Penelope through work?”

Derek gets the hint. “I was part of the group that arrested her, actually,” he chuckles, “and I thought she was gonna be a nightmare to work with when we gave her the option of working for the FBI instead of going to prison. But then she showed up on her first day decked out from head to toe in pink and yellow, her hair dyed back to her natural blonde, and the way she smiled when I called her baby girl… well, it was smooth sailing from then on. Did you know her back in her Black Queen days?”

“I was her one phone call,” Spencer answers, his face splitting into an easy grin as they discuss his favourite person on planet earth. “I was terrified she was going to jail and I’d lose her forever, so I was over the moon when you guys offered her that deal. We went to get our hair done together the very next day.”

“Oh yeah? And what did Pretty Boy have done to his hair, hm?”

Spencer blushes. “Let’s just say she wasn’t the only one who had a rebellious phase?”

“Now that I have got to know more about.”

“Save it for date number two, SSA Morgan,” Spencer shoots back, relaxing into the easy banter between them.

“Alright, alright, baby, I can do that,” he says, winking again. Thankfully, Spencer manages not to do an embarrassing impression of a traffic light this time. “How did you and Penelope meet?”

“Back in college actually,” Spencer nods. “She was sort of going off the rails after her parents’ death, but I think finding a scared 12 year old in her Geography elective helped her rein it in a bit. We’ve been glued at the hip pretty much since we met. Even when I went to MIT for a bit to complete my Engineering PhD, she came with me. Since her job back then was mostly hacking and some supplemental side jobs, it didn’t really matter where she was based, she was just hellbent on protecting me like she has ever since that first Geography class.”

“Wow,” Derek says, looking genuinely shocked as he leans back a little bit, eyeing Spencer with curious eyes. “You went to college when you were twelve? I’m glad you had Penelope because that could’ve been a disaster.”

“It kind of was,” Spencer nods, laughing a little. “But it meant that I had five degrees including three doctorates by the time I was twenty-one so I wasn’t too mad about it.”

Derek stares at him consideringly, the soft smile on his face making Spencer’s stomach fill with butterflies. “You’re quite the genius aren’t you?”

“Well, I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute.”

Derek just stares at him.

“So, yeah, I guess I’m a genius?” he says bashfully.

Derek laughs, shaking his head. “Definitely a genius. I mean, Penelope told me you were clever, but this is like… insane. Are you sure you’re okay to go out with a mere mortal like me or should I see myself out?”

“Yeah actually, Derek, sorry, it’s not going to work out,” Spencer says, feigning seriousness. “I can’t be with anybody who’s not within twenty IQ points of me or doesn’t have at least two PhDs.”

“A good actor, too? What don’t you have going for you, pretty boy?” He laughs in that wild and free kind of way Spencer always wishes he could, and he wonders whether Derek could teach him how.

Derek watches him like there’s something special about Spencer as the sound of their laughter mingles, looks at him like there’s nowhere else he’d rather be but right here, right now, and the warm intensity of it has a buzz going in Spencer’s chest, a pleasant feeling he can’t imagine anything dousing, and he never wants Derek to take his eyes off him again. Not if this is how it’s always going to make him feel.

The hours of the afternoon fly by and all of a sudden the sun is setting and they’re feeling distinctly hungry.

“How do you feel about getting some street food and taking a wander down to the beach?” Derek suggests hopefully, and Spencer can’t help the wide grin that splits his cheeks at the idea.

“Let’s do it.”

The beach is slightly cooler than the garden now the sun is setting and a soft, salty breeze is floating in from the ocean, so they sit close together in the sand, sharing their servings of nachos and fries between them.

“What’s your family like?” Spencer asks, a little daringly after a couple of minutes of comfortable silence.

Derek smiles. “They’re amazing. It’s been just me, my mom, and my two sisters since I was ten years old, but I think losing my dad only brought us closer together, y’know? We had to learn from a young age how to rely on each other, and we were also taught the very valuable lesson of just how important family is and how nothing in life is guaranteed, so we’ve made every effort to be as close to one another as possible.”

Spencer watches with quiet admiration as Derek gushes about his family, and takes another bite of their nachos. “Do they live locally?”

“No, they’re all still back in Chicago,” Derek says. “It’s sad sometimes, being so far away from them, but they would have killed me if I’d stuck around back home just for them and hadn’t chased my dream of climbing the ladder of the FBI.”

Spencer nods, chuckling along with Derek as they stare out at the quiet, tumbling waves of the ocean.

“What about you?” Derek asks. “Are you close with your family?”

Shit. He hadn’t exactly considered that asking Derek about his family would lead to reverse questioning about his own. I mean, call him a genius all you want, but social interaction is not his area of expertise.

“Uh, it’s just me and my mom. She lives back in Vegas,” he explains, clearing his throat awkwardly as he hopes that’s enough to appease his date.

Truthfully, it probably would have been, but Derek doesn’t say anything immediately, and the silence feels like it’s choking him into admitting the truth, however much it makes his chest tighten and his stomach flip with anxiety. What if this is it? What if Derek doesn’t want to start something with someone who has a family history as fucked up as his? What if he reads between the lines and sees that Spencer could be just like his mom in the future, and thinks that starting a relationship is just too risky?

“She has paranoid schizophrenia,” he blurts out, the words rolling off his tongue without his express permission, and instead of shutting up, they just keep coming. “When my dad left when I was ten, I had to be her sole carer until I left for college at twelve, but even then she refused professional help and medication, so I was taking the train from Pasadena to Las Vegas every weekend to try and help her out, and it got messy a lot of the time. It was only when I turned eighteen that things got a little bit easier, and that was only because I betrayed her trust and had her sectioned into a Sanitorium.

“They’re amazing, they take really good care of her and I did my research obviously, but I think a part of her still resents me for doing that.”

He stares out at the ocean for a couple of seconds before he suddenly realises where he is and what he’s just done.

“Oh my god,” he says as horror and dread fill him from the bottom up, “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have just dumped all that on you, I’m sorry, just—”

“Hey, pretty boy,” Derek says gently, placing a reassuring hand on his back to get his attention. “It’s okay, don’t worry. I’m just happy you felt comfortable enough to tell me all of that, and besides, I asked the question, and I meant it. I wanted to know the answer.”

Spencer feels some of the panic recede a little, and he looks up at Derek to try and gauge whether he’s telling the truth. “Really?”

Derek’s expression only softens further. “Really.”

He relaxes a little further and leans into Derek’s side, smiling to himself when Derek wraps his arm fully around his waist, resting his head on top of Spencer’s.

“I feel like I’ve known you way longer than just four hours and fifty six minutes,” Spencer says eventually.

Derek chuckles, and this time Spencer can feel the low rumble against his cheek as well as hear it. “It might be the biggest cliche in the book, but I feel exactly the same, baby.”

“I think sharing street food on the beach while staring out at a sunset as romantic and beautiful as that one has cemented the cliches in this date enough already,” Spencer points out, laughing a little.

“That is very true,” Derek agrees, squeezing his hand against Spencer’s waist. “We could round all the cliches off with a kiss, if you’d like.”

Spencer sits upright, blushing again as he eyes Derek’s flirtatious but serious expression. “I’d like that a lot.”

Derek wastes no time in taking Spencer’s jaw in his hand and leaning in slowly to place a long, sensuous kiss to his lips. Spencer kisses back with as much control as is possible when your experience is next to none and you have one of the most beautiful men in the world turning your stomach inside out with his attention, but it seems to be enough for Derek because as soon as they pull away, he’s grinning widely.

“You’re quite the kisser, pretty boy.”

Spencer fights the blush but it comes anyway. “I like that.”

Derek’s eyebrows knit together in confusion. “The kiss?”

“No, the pet names.”

Derek’s expression smooths out and he smiles again, a little more tenderly than his usual cheeky grin. “Well, that’s good, because I have plenty more up my sleeve, sweetheart.”

Spencer flushes with pleasure this time and settles back against Derek’s side, observing the blue sea as they settle into silence once more.

“I’m not very used to all of this, by the way,” he says after a while, the sky slowly darkening.

“Used to what?”

“This. Kissing. Dating. Pet names.”

Derek looks down at Spencer to try and get a better look at his face. “Really? You could’ve fooled me.”

“I’ve only ever had one boyfriend before, and this is only the second date I’ve ever been on.”

“Any girlfriends?”

“Not really my area.”

“And this other date, was that with boyfriend number one?”

Spencer shakes his head against Derek’s shoulder. “No, I never went on a date with him. I met him in college and we were friends first, so we never really dated, just fell into a relationship.”

“Ah.” A brief silence settles over them again, but Derek doesn’t let it hang long. “You know I’m not bothered by any of that, right? You could have never dated anyone ever before or have screwed your way round half of California and DC and it wouldn’t matter a single bit. Not if you were here with me, right now.”

He laughs softly as Derek lightens the mood, and something in Spencer’s chest feels like it falls into place at that, like his last anxious reservation has been washed away and he can really move forward, forge onward with this scarily exciting endeavour.

“You’re a good man, Derek Morgan. You know that, right?”

Derek kisses the top of his head. “I do,” he says, “but I’m not sure it’s ever sounded quite as special falling from anyone else’s lips as it does falling from yours.”

Further down the beach, another wave crashes against the shore, and the colours of the sunset fade away slowly. People pack up their picnic baskets and head home, and seagulls attack their leftovers, but none of that matters, because right now, Spencer’s world is Derek Morgan.

Penelope Garcia deserves a medal.

(Yes, I've used that "yeah I guess I'm a genius" sequence in way too many fics, leave me ALONE. )

taglist: @criminalmindsvibez @lesbiantodds @suburban--gothic @strippersenseii @takeyourleap-of-faith @negativefouriq @makaylajadewrites @iamrenstark @livrere-blue @hotchseyebrows @enbyspencer @reidology @transhanniballecter @spencerspecifics @bau-gremlin @hotchedyke @tobias-hankel @marsjareau @oliverbrnch @im-autistic @anxious-enby @kuolonsyoja @reidreids @ropoto @thosecriminalminds @wifeyprentiss @cmily @love-pyramus @notevanbuckley @hotchscotchh (add yourself to my taglist here!)

[lovelyspencers]

Both Sides Like Chanel

“I see both sides like chanel,

see on both sides like chanel.”

Synopsis: Spencer and fem!Reader have been dating for a while now and there is something that Spencer hasn’t trusted anyone else with that he wants to share with her

Content Warning: mentions of drug addiction, allusions to sex, brief mention of internalized homophobia

Word Count: 3.3k

A/N: this is my first fanfiction and I’m not entirely sure how tumblr works yet but it is my mission to do something about the lack of bi!Spencer representation

Compared to his colleagues and friends, Spencer was a fairly private person. He liked to keep things to himself because his life centered around repetitious disappointments. So, he was content that his private life was not set on a stage, his misery displayed for everyone to see.

But then he fell in love with you the minute you walked into the bullpen and bumped into him, leaving your belongings all scattered on the marble floor. Spencer was never one for touch but when he took your hand to sweep you off the ground, butterflies filled his stomach like the air on a humid summer’s day.

After a few years of friendship, his adoration for you grew as easily as ivy on an abandoned house and it was on New Year’s Day that the team celebrated in Rossi’s mansion that his slightly intoxicated self decided that he was not able to hold it in any longer.

You had sneaked off to Rossi’s backyard after Garcia had gotten a bit of too affectionate and randomly started kissing everyone.

Both of you were slightly buzzed, your head laid in his lap as he explained the constellations to you. He wished that the sky above you was the only thing that filled his mind, but when he looked at you with your skin slightly flustered from the alcohol and your lips pursed as in deep thought, all that he could think about was how much he wanted to kiss you.

It wasn’t the first time, the thought floated around in his mind. It had been so crucial in fact that the thought of your lips softly pressed on his played in his head like a film reel every night, unable to give him the sweet escape of sleep.

So, when the blank sky was filled with multicolored fireworks, the moonlight illuminated the complexion of your face and cheers erupted from the silence surrounding you without a second thought, he leaned in to kiss you.

You tasted like champagne and the strawberry lipstick you obsessively put on whenever you got anxious and to Spencer, he felt as if he had found the missing puzzle piece he’d been seeking for all his life.

And then like they always did, his thoughts began rushing through his mind like cars during rush hour and he instantly pulled back.

You were gonna hate him and then he would lose the only person he trusted with all his being and maybe you’d tell Penelope and everyone would laugh at him for believing that someone as amazing as you would ever-

But before his poisonous thoughts got the best of him, you grabbed the sides of his face and connected your lips with his again, filling the entirety of his body with pure bliss.

“I’ve been waiting so long for you to do that.” Your voice vibrated against his lips and he couldn’t help the smile that graced his face in the process.

The two of you could have kissed for only seconds or even hours because as he finally experienced what it felt like to be utterly yours, none of the things surrounding you mattered to him in the slightest.

All that mattered was that his biggest dream of your heart belonging to him entirely finally came true and he had no intention to ever let it go.

But even the most perfect moments couldn’t last forever and in this case, it was disturbed in the figment of the people the two of you considered family.

At first, you both didn't notice the footsteps on the grass, too caught up in trying to pour every stolen glance and hidden adoration in the simplicity of a kiss.

It wasn’t until cheers filled the silence around you that you hesitantly broke apart and were greeted with the sight of the team who all had smirks plastered on their faces.

To his delight, you didn’t entirely pull away from him like he thought you would instead you got off his lap to lazily wrap your arms around his torso. Subconsciously he pressed a kiss to your temple erupting even more amusement from the people watching you.

“About damn time.” Emily was the first to break out of her trance. Soon, congratulations were shared and the team tried to discreetly exchange money since they seemed to have some kind of bet going on. Even Hotch had a rare smile on his face and it was without a doubt the most beautiful start in the new year he could have ever wished for.

“I love you,” you muttered as you hid your face in his chest, and though there was no way the team could have heard what you told him, the smile on his face told them everything they needed to know.

“I love you too.”

He wished more than anything else that your love story could have ended that way and you lived happily ever after but this wasn’t a movie and the truth was that relationships were work. Work he was more than willing to put effort in but work nonetheless.

You loved each other dearly but you weren’t perfect and neither was he. Most of your fights revolved around his fear of vulnerability and even though he spent years building a wall around his heart so no one could ever shatter it again, he loved you far more than his self preservation so he tried his hardest.

And there was one particular thing, he always wanted to tell you or anyone who he felt earned his trust.

Throughout his life, his trust had been broken many times. So without even realizing it, there was a barrier between the two of you that prevented him from loving you to the fullest and he hated it.

But unlike Derek who immediately spread his problems around like it was just some gossip printed on the sixth page or JJ who kept Emily’s well-being to herself despite him coming to cry to her for months, you never betrayed his trust.

Even more so, you didn’t have that look of pity in your eyes that was equally as painful as daggers in his chest when he told you about his drug addiction or the schizophrenia of his mother.

You were easily the person on earth that he trusted the most but that didn’t mean that there weren’t some things that he still kept to himself.

But as he said, he wanted to change that and if one person was deserving of his honesty and vulnerability it was you.

Spencer had told you about his father leaving, the horrors he had to face that still haunted him in his dreams, his kidnapping from Tobias Hankel, and the cruelty of a childhood as a child prodigy.

While what he wanted to tell you wasn’t nearly as heavy it still felt like dead weight continuing to weigh him down.

Every time, he came close to telling you the truth, he got scared like a child in the dark and switched topics to something that didn’t matter at all.

Spencer also knew that you were aware that something was off. Before you started dating ten months ago, you had been best friends for years so he can positively say that you know him better than anybody else.

But today he had a plan.

You had been wanting to watch ‘Love, Simon’ with him for weeks and he had tried to avoid it for obvious reason but today he’d watch it with you and maybe then he’d gain the courage to talk to you.

He was aware of how illogical his fears were, after all, you had always been open about your bisexuality and had seen you beat up homophobes on various occasions (while Hotch hated it, it was on the long list of things that Spencer loved about you).

But he feared that maybe you wouldn’t want to be with someone who liked men and women or maybe that just didn’t fit with the type of man you were looking for or maybe-

Nope, he wasn’t doing this to himself. You were the kindest, most open hearted and loving person he knew and he had told you far more break up worthy thing than his sexuality.

When he had told you about his past drug addiction, you pulled up the sleeves of his shirt and kissed the fainting scars there and helped him get rid of the small stack of Dilaudid that he had kept hidden in his closet without any sign of judgment.

When he had told you about his mother, you pulled his head on your lap and started playing with his hair until the tears on his face dried and pinky promised him that you would stay with him even if he inhabited his mother’s illness because there was nothing that you would ever let drive a wedge between the two of you.

When he had told you about his childhood and confided in you for the relentless bullying he had to endure after you had found an invitation to a high school reunion in his mailbox, you had peppered him with kisses the entire night and showered him with compliments and love.

Not to mention that you convinced him to go to the high school reunion where everyone seemed equally as impressed by the beauty that his girlfriend possessed and the nature of his job. And every time, you sensed that he was uncomfortable you held his hand and wordlessly pulled him away, because you simply understood him like that.

The first night you slept over, he was more anxious over you sleeping next to him than the actual act of having sex with you (which said a lot because in a moment of desperation he had even asked Derek for sex advice) because he knew that the nightmares would jolt him awake again.

But it was so easy to be with you and when he pulled your body into his and showed you just how much he loved you in the most intimate act there was, all worries (and crappy advice that Derek had given him) left his mind and were quickly replaced by pure bliss and escasty.

And when he woke up shaking because some monsters don’t stay hidden in the dark, you were right there to comfort him until he was able to safely fall asleep with your arms wrapped around his waist.

Spencer was jolted back to reality when there was a knock on his door and he immediately wrapped you in a bone crushing hug before pouring all his worries and love into a kiss.

“We literally saw each other at work today. Did you really miss me that much already?” Your laughter that had become Spencer’s favorite sound ever since the first time he heard it filled the room, and he had to fight the urge to drop his plans and just worship you and your body for the entirety of the evening instead.

No, he was a man on a mission and he had repressed this conversation for way too long.

“I always miss you.”

And it was true, embarrassingly so. When you were on a case, Hotch decided against giving the two of you a shared hotel room, and every time, he had to fall asleep without your body heat next to him he felt as if there was some part of himself missing.

You gave him a peck on the cheek before you intertwined your fingers with Spencer’s and lead him to his couch where you rather ungracefully plumped down.

He joined you and your head immediately landed on his lap as a silent invitation for him to play with your hair which he happily obliged to.

“Can we watch ‘Love, Simon’ today?”

“Yes! I’ve only been begging you to watch it for years,” you laughed while grabbing the hand that wasn’t massaging your temple and holding it in yours.

He laughed too but it was filled with anxiety and you heard it because of course you did. Others might no be able to make out when he was uncomfortable but you always knew when to press him and when to leave him alone.

“We don’t have to watch that movie if you really don’t want to, babe,” you said as you propped yourself up to sit next to him again, all while never letting go of his hand.

“It’s not that. I just-”

Well, it’s now or never.

“I’m bisexual,” he blurted out, surprising himself with the sudden statement, and when he hesitantly locked eyes with yours there was none of the judgment or disgust he feared.

There was just love and understanding like there always was.

You were just about to say something before he gave you a look that clearly signaled to just let him talk for a bit and you answered the silent request with a soft smile and a gentle squeeze on his hand.

“I don’t know, I just used to have this crush on a boy when I was younger and I was confused because I only ever saw heterosexual couples, you know?” You nodded and that reassuring smile on your face never seemed to falter even a little bit, you looked almost proud of him.

“And then I got older and I started liking women too and I was even more confused because like who exactly do I like now?”

Sometimes during meetings in the briefing room or on the jet, you randomly held hands and squeezed them three time as a reminder that you loved each other without having to actually say it and that’s what you did during the brief amount of silence.

“When I was in high school liking boys was always associated with something bad so I just assumed that it was bad and tried my hardest to just suppress it.”

Spencer squeezed your hand three times too and took a deep breath. Seemed that even a genius like him could miscalculate and in this case it was the toll this secret had on him.

“But then I got older and realized that there was nothing wrong with being attracted to the same sex, and so I kind of accepted it even though I still had no idea what my sexuality was. It was just one of those I’ll deal with it later type of things.”

When he looked into your eyes again, you looked at him with so much tenderness that he felt as if his heart might burst out of his chest, even if that was biologically impossible.

“I had a boyfriend when I was in college, his name was Ethan and I loved him but it just didn’t work out. I never told anyone because I was afraid I think?”

He remembered the time of sneaking around and lying to his mother when she spotted a hickey on his neck during one of her visits, the frustration because all he wanted was to show the world the love they shared like every other ordinary couple.

But he also remembered the clandestine meetings, muttered I love you’s that were for no one else to hear and the feeling of falling in love for the first time.

“And then I was confused again because I still liked women too and then I met you and I fell in love with you the second I laid eyes on you honestly and then I thought that maybe it was just like a non-sexual thing but I am sexually attracted to you, I mean we have sex. I like having sex with you!”

You chuckled but it was not out of malice or disgust it was just there, floating in the air filling his body with a warmth that not even his thickest sweater could provide.

“Baby, breathe. It’s just me.”

You brought his knuckles up to your mouth to press a kiss to each of them and that simple gesture managed to calm Spencer’s nerve immensely.

“You were so open with your sexuality and I guess it just kind of made sense? And I know that some women have problems with men who like men and maybe you’re disgusted with me because I used to be with a man and I’m like not the manliest man and and sometimes I think about painting my nails because it seems kind of fun and-”

The thing about Spencer’s rambling was that he couldn’t stop. He wanted to especially when he saw the annoyance on everyone’s faces but you were always there to listen to him, even if you had no idea what he was talking about but as you felt his anxiety worsen with every word that left his lips, you interrupted him for the first time ever.

“I’m not disgusted at all. I love and accept everything about you and that includes your sexuality. Thank you for being open with me, I know hard that can be with for you. I’m very proud of you.”

You emphasized your statement by pulling him in for a kiss and that was the first time that Spencer noticed that he was crying, but you kissed him with all the tenderness in the world, wordlessly wiping away the tear that rolled down his cheek.

“You’re the most perfect man I know. I don’t care if you’re not the most manliest man to me you’re perfect and the love of my life,” you whispered against his lips and Spencer could only reply by deepening the kiss and trying to get you as close to him as humanly possible.

There was no rush or expectations, you were kissing as if you had every time in the world and the kiss was a silent promise that you still loved him no matter what.

And for the first time in what felt like ages, Spencer could finally breathe. Silence filled the room but it wasn’t uncomfortable by any means. You had placed Spencer’s head on your chest and played with his hair while occasionally peppering him with kisses, only a few reassurances and I love you’s accompanying the stirring DVD player.

“Did you mean what you said about wanting to paint your nails?” you asked after a few minutes passed and Spencer had wrapped his arms around your waist as if you were the anchor to a sinking ship.

Spencer chuckled not even remembering what he said during his ramble. “I guess so. Why?”

The thought did cross his mind from time to time, especially when he saw your impressive collection of various nail polish. He never cared much about other’s perception of his masculinity and Spencer realized that his fair of not being manly enough for you was nothing but utterly stupid.

“Do you want me to do it?”

He shyly nodded and a smile filled your face as you took his hand to examine it, probably debating in your head which colour would fit him most.

And as you left the room to search for the most beautiful purple you could find, Spencer sat in the living room, happiness spreading through every fiber of his being because for the first time he knew what it felt like to be unconditionally loved.

Both of you weren’t perfect but there were no more secrets left lurking in the shadows and he knew that as long as you wanted him, he’d always be yours.

You were the first person to truly accept and love him. All of him, and he never wanted to lose that.

As he sat in the living room, you sitting on his lap and looked at your fingers as you painted his in a dark shade of purple, he decided that it wouldn’t be long until the most beautiful ring he could find would adorn your ring finger.

[fuckingrealityshifting]

If I wanted to have a slowburn type romance with a character in my dr, would I have to script that specifically or can I be more vague? Also, how much detail do I need to go into in my script in genera?l I'm not sure if my habit of overexplaining things is gonna help or hurt me in this case.

Hi! Here’s some general tips on scripting.

And I’m gonna use your ask as an excuse for a big informational post.

Scripting romances

Tiktok will say it’s bad to script you’re already in a relationship because of... consent? Well, Tiktok is literally wrong and shows a fundamental misunderstanding of shifting and the multiverse.

You’re not creating a new reality in which your script would create a situation where you are in a romance without their consent. You’re just specifying via your script you want to go to a reality where you’re already in a relationship.

There are no issues with consent??? They’ve already consented to a relationship with you. You’re just shifting to a reality where that has already happened.

Some suggestions for scripting to shift to a preexisting relationship:

NAME and I are a happy couple.

NAME and I share a strong, healthy relationship.

NAME and I understand each other completely.

NAME and I have been happily dating for BLANK.

NAME and I love to spend time together.

NAME and I communicate well.

NAME appreciates me so much.

NAME wouldn’t dream of breaking up with me.

NAME is the perfect S/O and I am the perfect S/O.

If you feel like it would be out of character for them to be absolutely perfect (Draco Malfoy perhaps) you can leave behavior affirmations out and just focus on their love for you.

Some people like the experience of developing a romance with a DR person, and that’s fine! You don’t have to shift to an already existing romance. You can script you have or will develop feelings for each other using whatever affirmations you want. Here are some suggestions:

NAME finds me attractive.

NAME has eyes for no one but me.

NAME finds me irrestable.

NAME and I develop feelings for each other.

NAME and I have a strong bond that developes into a friendship into something more.

NAME’s interest in me grows with every second.

You can also script for specific romantic events to happen.

Some examples/possibly suggestions if they apply ig:

NAME and I watch a movie at their house, and they first recognize their feelings when they see me smiling at the film.

NAME asks me out after we fall asleep on FaceTime.

NAME and I kiss as a dare but the next time we are alone, continue without thinking about it.

For a slow burn romance, though your intent and imagination of what your DR life will be like will likely cover it, I think scripting it is a good specification. You could script specific events like before as your relationship grow and know/script the events have long periods between each other, or you could use more specific affirmations for a slow burn in general, some suggestions being:

NAME and I gradually develop feelings for each other.

NAME and I keep our romantic interest hidden.

NAME pines for me over time.

I pine for NAME over time.

Our romantic relationship develops slowly.

As we develop feelings for each other we long for each other.

NAME decides to hide their love for as long as possible.

BLANK keeps us from confessing.

Every time we drop a hint about our deeper emotions, the other writes it off.

NAME believes they’re reading too far into any possibly romantic interaction.

NAME and I have an impossibly strong bond.

NAME and I don’t address the growing tension between us.

All these affirmations can be applied to poly relationships, too, just add in the other names and people. There are realities out there where you are all poly together!! Go ahead and shift there if you want :)

REMINDER

These are real people. Unless they deserve it, I guess, please don’t cheat on them. Please don’t break their hearts for fun. Please don’t murder anybody else who has feelings for them. You need their consent for sexual activities. Don’t take advantage of emotional distress to get sex. Please treat them as you would a partner in your CR.

[topazy]

The Fierce And Broken

2.07

Masterlist

“She’s going to break your heart.” You shoved Murphy playfully, as he continued to tease you. “I’m telling you, this could be the thing that pushes you over the edge.”

“The only thing that will push me over the edge is you John,” you quipped back.

“Raven hates me.”

You couldn’t argue with him. “Well...she has her reasons, but I’ll work on it.”Murphy let out a snorting sound. “Just give it some time, I at least want you to be civil.”

“You know you’d rather spend your time getting into trouble with me, than being bossed around by Jackson all day.”

You chuckled at his comment. Murphy was right, you had now become Jackson’s go to girl which didn’t bother you so much, but knowing you’d need to spend so much time with Abby was another issue.

“I’m never bored,” you shrugged.

A few hours prior you were surprised to see Major Byrne being brought into medical care because he had been punched in the face, but what surprised you more was finding out it was Raven that had hit him.

“Life down here is never going to be boring.”

He had a point. Lexa wanted Finn, and the grounders could attack at any moment. The mountain men still had the rest of your people, and Lincoln still had to be handcuffed like a criminal in case he turned back into a reaper. The chanting of ‘Jus drein jus daun! Jus drein jus daun!’ Seemed to be getting louder as well.

“One life for all of us...”

You stared at your friend wide-eyed. “John,” you said in a hushed whisper. “We can’t have this conversation.”

So much for getting Raven to like him.

“I know you are thinking the same as me Alba, you're just too afraid to admit it.” You pouted at his comment. “Does she make you happy?”

“She does,” Murphy tutted, causing you to smile. “What’s wrong with that?”

You knew from the mischievous look on his face, Murphy was still teasing you. “Nothing makes you happier than being back home in the ark.”

“Whatever,” you shook your head when you noticed Jackson waving you over. “I need to go, I’ll catch up with you later.”

—

“Hey, what’s going on?” You asked confused.

Raven looked furious as she walked besides Bellamy towards the ark station. She paused briefly to link her hand with yours, taking the hint you walked beside her.

Raven scoffed, “Jaha and Kane are back.”

Oh, this wasn’t going to be good.

“They are having some bullshit meeting that none of us can attend.” Raven continued ranting until you reached the door to the council meeting room. “Can anybody hear anything?”

You and Bellamy both shook your heads. Bellamy gave you a small smile when he noticed you and Raven holding hands. You’d never talked about how open you’d be about your relationship, but right now Raven needed you and that’s all that mattered.

You jumped back slightly when Abby opened the door. She looked just as taken aback to see three faces staring at her. Raven was quick to say what everyone was thinking, “What’s happening?”

“You were in there a long time,” Bellamy added.

Abby looked as if she was thinking up a new lie to tell. “There was a lot to talk about.”

“Well, what’s going on?” Raven asked, the irritation in her voice becoming more obvious.

“There was a lot to talk about.”

You frowned at the doctor repeating herself. She wasn’t prepared to give any of you real information. “We aren’t letting Lexa take him.”

Bellamy nodded in agreement. “Alba’s right, we are not turning him over to the Grounders.”

“If you give Finn over now the commander will know the power she has over us,” Abby glared at you as you continued to talk. “What happens when she wants somebody else to pay? What if it was Clarke’s blood she wanted?”

“Enough. Step aside now,” Abby said in a warning tone. “We’re all trying to find a way out of this.”

You stood in silence until all the council members were a good distance away. Bellamy let out a deep sigh, “they’re gonna give him up.”

Raven shook her head and began mumbling before walking towards the exit. “They can’t, we can’t turn on each other.”

You stayed back sensing Bellamy wanted to talk to you alone, and you were right. He leaned in closer to you, “do you still have your dad's gun?”

“Yeah?”

“Keep it close, I have a feeling we might need it.”

—

Gulping down you pushed the flaps to your tent open to see Raven rummaging around her bag for something.

“Fuck!” She hissed.

You moved fast to her side as she winced in pain. It’s fine she sighed, revealing the small drop of blood coming from her finger. “It’s just a paper cut.”

You held her gaze, “how are you holding up?”

“I’m not.”

At least she was honest. Raven was one of the strongest people you knew, and it was hard to watch her struggle. You sat down on the edge of the makeshift bed, and Raven did the same a few seconds later. “I just wish things were different, you know?”

You smiled softly, “things will work themselves out.”

You felt yourself melting into the touch of Raven’s hand as she brushed strands of hair behind your ear. Without warning her lips were pressed against your own. It was a soft and gentle kiss.

Leaning back you chuckled, “I almost forgot what I came to tell you. There’s plenty of bedrooms in the ark available now, we don’t need to stay out here in a tent anymore.”

“Is this just Jackson’s ploy to have you within shouting distance during the night?” She laughed.

“Most likely, but it will be so much more comfortable.” Standing up you noticed Raven’s finger still bleeding. “You sure you don’t want me to look at that? It’s maybe deeper than it looks.”

“It’s just blood they want.”

You kissed Raven on the crown of her head before adding another layer of clothing to your outfit. A longer top that would cover your waistline and hide your gun.

“Whatever happens Reyes, I’ll always have your back.”

“Likewise.”

—

Standing outside the drop ship you couldn’t help but feel uneasy. Somehow you, Raven, and Bellamy had managed to sneak away without getting noticed, but you had a feeling that wouldn’t last long.

You had your gun at the ready hearing somebody entering the drop ship. You stood confused upon seeing who it was. “John?”

“Ooh, hey, hey, hey.” He held his hands up defensively.

“Murphy. What are you doing here?” Bellamy asked.

Murphy looked at you, as he shrugged. “I was invited.”

“I thought we could use an extra gun.” Raven turned to look out the doorway. “Finn should've been right behind you.”

“Don’t worry. The spacewalker is gonna be fine.” Murphy said before coming and standing beside you. “Why do you look so surprised to see me?”

“I didn’t know you were coming, that’s all.”

Murphy frowned. “I assumed I was only asked because you’d told me and Raven to play nice.”

“We’ve had bigger things to worry about, I’ve not said anything.”

Something in the way Raven was looking at Murphy made your stomach tighten into a knot. It wasn’t the normal friendly Raven Reyes smile you would get, she was sending him a death glare.

“I’m going to take a look outside.” As you reached the doorway you noticed Finn carrying Clarke. “Somebody find me a rag, or a cloth!”

You ran beside Finn to inspect the bleeding wound on Clarke’s head. Bellamy quickly moved to be beside her once Finn got her inside. “What happened?”

“A Grounder hit her on the head.” Finn’s voice broke as he spoke, you couldn’t imagine the guilt he must be feeling.

“Clarke, can you hear me? You're gonna be fine.” You pressed the rag to her wound, and felt relieved to see the bleeding was stopping. “You just need to rest for a bit, okay.”

Out of the corner of your eye you noticed Raven and Finn talking. It was odd to you that she didn’t seem overly concerned about Clarke. You couldn’t help but overhear their conversation. “Hey. It's just a bump on the head. Clarke’s gonna be ok. Are you? We'll figure this out.”

Finn shook his head. “That’s what she said. Right before I almost got her killed.”

—

After a little while Finn began pacing back and forth. “Still nothing?”

You shook your head. Finn groaned into his hands as Raven tried to reassure him. “Just give her a little time.”

“I never meant to hurt you.”

Finn’s confession made you feel awkward, despite everything going on between you and Raven you still didn’t want to get involved in their past relationship in any way. You’d given anything to have Murphy or Bellamy beside you at the moment.

“I know. Truth is, things change. Maybe that's for the best.”

You hoped that was true. Raven’s ability to forgive, and show kindness to those that hurt her never failed to amaze you.

You focused on Clarke and tried your best to block out the ‘We’ll always be family’ exchange. It was a private moment for the two of them to share. You sighed with relief when Clarke opened her eyes, “take it easy when you sit up.”

“How’s the head?” Finn asked, just Murphy and Bellamy came back into view.

“Awesome,” the blonde mumbled.

Finn kneeled down beside her, “When you went down... I thought you were dead. Because of me.”

You stopped listening to the others talking when you noticed the worried look on Bellamy’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“We got company! Get out here. Get down. Grounders.”

You looked past his shoulder and saw multiple grounders. “We’re surrounded.”

—

“They’re not moving any closer, why?”

Bellamy gulped down before answering. “Staying out of range. Probably waiting until it's dark.”

“If we hit them now, at least we'd take them by surprise.” You didn’t like your friend's suggestion, but you knew Murphy had a point.

“We don't even know how many of them are out there,” Clarke said coldly.

Murphy shook his head before scoffing. “I’m not hearing any better ideas, Clarke.”

“We’ll give them something.”

The moment the words came from Raven mouth you instantly stepped closer to Murphy. “The only thing they want is Finn.”

“Finn wasn't the only one at the village.”

You now stood in-between Murphy and everybody else. “Don’t even think about it!” You seethed. How could she even be considering this? “Don’t take another step closer to him.”

Raven looked visibly hurt but still continued, “Enough Grounders saw him at the village. They’d believe he was the shooter.”

Murphy hissed from behind you, “sick bitch.”

Both Bellamy and Clarke tried to talk some sense into her, but she refused to listen. “They want a murderer, we'll give them one.” Raven raised her gun and pointed it in your direction. “Put your weapon down.”

Clarke tried again to talk her down. “Put it down, Raven. Like it or not, he's one of us.”

Brown eyes stared into yours, “Alba move out the way.”

“No, I’m not moving so you’d need to shoot me too.”

“Alba, just move!” Raven pleaded.

Your chest ached with a pain you hadn’t felt before. Raven meant a lot to you, but Murphy was your best friend. Her doing this to him felt like a betrayal. You also found it hard to believe she was still pointing the gun in your direction.

“Raven...this isn’t you. Just lower the gun.”

Finn snatched the gun from her hand. “Stop! Stop! We're not doing this. They’ve got us surrounded. The only thing we can do is stay. And defend this place.” He turned to face the rest of the group. “Murphy, go upstairs. Watch the rear. I'll take the lower level. You four, take the front gate. That’s the plan. All right?”

“I’m going with John.”

Once you reached the top of the drop-ship Murphy squeezed your shoulder. “Hey, are you alright?”

“It’s not me she wanted to hand over to grounders,” you shrugged. “I’m sorry John, I had no idea-”

“It’s not your fault Al, and as much as I hate her right now, I know she wouldn’t have hurt you.”

You said nothing. Deep down you knew Raven was acting out of love for Finn, he was her family. The only friend she had from the ark. What bothered you the most was that you understood why she did it. The impulse to protect the ones you love could cause you to do unthinkable things.

“I probably would have done the same for you,” you mumbled before looking out the window again. “Oh shit!”

“What?”

“Finn’s handing himself over to the grounders.”

—

You watched in disgust as grounders set up a post near the gates of camp. You jumped hearing a voice coming from beside you. “What is that?”

“They want us to watch.”

“We’re gonna get him.” Bellamy announced. “We’ll get in close and we'll hit them hard.”

You shared a knowing look with Clarke, both of you knew that was impossible. The only thing you could do was hope his death was quick.

Kane held onto Bellamy’s shoulder. “Son... there's thousands of them. Even if we could kill hundreds, they'd still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die.”

Clarke stood beside you, “I’m going to talk with the commander.”

“Don’t let him suffer,” you said quietly. “Try and convince her they don’t need to torture him.”

As Clarke explained her plan to the others Raven mumbled an apology to you before returning her attention to the blonde. “Give me your hand.” You watched Raven slide a small knife into her hand. “If she won't let him go, kill her. Things’ll go crazy, and we'll grab you and Finn. Clarke. You have to help him. I owe him my life.”

You silently linked Raven’s fingers with your own, and let her squeeze down tightly. She was afraid. No matter what happened before, and how angry you still were, she was going to need someone.

Minutes felt like hours as you waited for Clarke to emerge from the commander's tent and made her way towards Finn. She can’t save him. You felt Raven tense beside you. You chewed on your bottom lip as you waited for something to happen.

“I’m sorry Al, I’m so sorry.” Raven gasped under her breath as she shook.

You moved your grip to hold onto her tighter, “don’t be.”

Things were about to go from bad to worse real fast. No, no, no. When Clarke leaned in to kiss Finn you realised she was saying goodbye.

When the blonde stepped away from Finn his head fell down into his chest. He was dead. Clarke had killed him. Mercy kill.

You lowered yourself to hold Raven as she collapsed to the ground.

“No! No! No! No! No! No!”

[shatouto]

another sequel to @obiwanobi's ex-sith anakin au (here and here), and at this rate… yea. yea we’re gonna have to archive this on ao3 (soon)

anyway here’s 2.8k words of tonal inconsistency

et si les étoiles sont cachées

Obi-Wan barely sleeps a wink through the night. His mind turns and whirls as he battles between second-guessing his decisions regarding the former Sith sleeping in his bed and planning on what to do going forward. Anakin knows how to cloak his own signature well enough, that much Obi-Wan can observe, but he will not stand a chance if Masters such as Yoda or Windu search his presence. And then there is the matter of the elusive Darth Sidious’ death, as well - Obi-Wan can only assume that it would be classified information on the Confederacy side, but even then, the Force only knows what kind of hell would break loose once his body is discovered. It doesn’t help that he could barely pull his hand out of Anakin’s without him frowning in his sleep and stirring. He simply has to stay put, with Anakin’s very likely feverish body pressed up against his side in a bed that is only snugly enough for two.

In meditating all of those scenarios, he forgets to account for the hell that breaks loose in his own quarters upon the return of his apprentice.

“Master, what were you thinking?” Ahsoka hisses, eyes darting from him to the closed door of his bedroom, from where the sound of Anakin’s pacing is obvious. Her hand is still clutching one of her lightsabers, alert.

“He was an injured man who crawled to my doorstep for aid, young one.” Obi-Wan sighs. “Surely you cannot expect me to simply turn my back to him, can you? That wouldn’t be the Jedi way.”

“Yes, but…” Ahsoka pinches her own forehead, shoulders dropping in a harsh exhale. “He’s a Sith lord, Master. We’ve all seen what he has done and can do!”

“He was a Sith, Ahsoka. Leading him back to the Light means one less darksider for the galaxy, and no more lives lost. I have always been trying to accomplish this.” Obi-Wan realizes, all of a sudden, that he is trying to convince himself rather than his apprentice. “He came in a moment of need, with nowhere else to go. He no longer wants to remain with the Dark.”

Ahsoka blinks. “And you just trust him? Just like that?”

Well, Obi-Wan wants to say, you didn’t see him on his knees in the hallway with blood covering half his body and bruises the other half; and you didn’t see him hang his head as you took his lightsaber and then his ruined arm off before setting him to bed. Then again, nobody would ever see that: the exact devastation and distress the once-Darth Vader was in last night, at his door. “That is the case, Ahsoka. I would like to trust him, for the time being.”

Ahsoka grumbles something about tried to kill me earlier, didn’t you see that? which of course inspires a twinge of guilt in Obi-Wan - because indeed, this borders on being a foolhardy venture, that his Padawan is dragged into solely by virtue of her sharing quarters with him. She shakes her head and speaks clearly again for him to hear. “...Fine, I get it. Where do you even plan to house him, Master?”

Obi-Wan pauses. He has had plenty of time in the night to consider this, and still he cannot find any better solution than the one he is about to suggest. “I suppose there is no place safer than here.”

“Here? You mean as in, your own quarters, in the Jedi Temple?” Ahsoka stresses on the last few words, incredulous.

Something crashes inside his room, followed by Anakin’s muffled curse. Obi-Wan looks his apprentice dead in the eye as he lets out a sigh, and says, “Yes.”

—

Anakin is strangely good at cooking.

Obi-Wan supposes he shouldn’t have presumed; after all, being a Sith apprentice should probably not interfere with the more mundane aspects of life. But not only is Anakin’s cooking distinctly above average (how did he learn enough skills to make a three-course meal out of the few basic ingredients in Obi-Wan’s pantry, and at what cost?), he also seems to undertake the task with zeal. It’s rather endearing to watch him shuffle around the kitchenette in warm beige pants that barely reach his ankles, and a left sleeve that doesn't need to be rolled up because it's already too short for his long arm.

It’s been less than a week since Anakin first comes to his door. He clearly doesn't like Ahsoka, but with one arm and no lightsaber and Obi-Wan firmly telling him to behave, he eventually, and clearly grudgingly, tolerates her presence, from time to time. The gleam in his eyes is still worrying, from time to time, but the most Anakin does nowadays when Ahsoka passes by is turn his back to her. He seems to be trying his best, which is why Obi-Wan feels immensely guilty for having to preface their meal with a rather somber question.

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan says, as Anakin sets down before him a plate of steak that smells nearly the same as that one luxurious dish he once had while in disguise as a socialite at a prestigious fine dining party. It isn’t the materiality that is distracting, but the efforts that must have gone into it. “I would like to ask you a question.”

Anakin sits down opposite of him, balancing himself. Even with the Force, he’s unused to not having a weight elbow-down on his right hand. “What? Leftover is in the kitchen for your apprentice. If she wants it.” His voice still sharpens at your apprentice, defensive. “I didn’t mean to let her starve.”

Obi-Wan is torn between a smile and a grimace. “No, that isn’t my question, Anakin. I’ve been wondering if you knew of your allies’ plans.”

“What kind of plans?” Anakin’s eyes narrow, warily. “It depends. Dooku knew most. I just did battlefield strategy.”

“You don’t happen to know if there has been recent plans to assassinate the Supreme Chancellor, do you?” It has been on Obi-Wan’s mind ever since he was summoned to an urgent Council meeting days ago. Investigative teams reported that the Supreme Chancellor has gone missing; then midway through the meeting, another report came, and so they ended up discussing how to keep peace while the Senate would break the staggering news of the Supreme Chancellor’s death to the entire galaxy and organize an emergency election. The timing fit too well with Anakin’s arrival, and he doesn’t know what to make of it.

“Oh, there’s never any.” Anakin shrugs, tension melting out of his shoulder. He begins to cut into his steak without a care.

Obi-Wan frowns. There has been plenty of attempted assassinations before, as well as kidnapping - he himself has been sent to protect the Chancellor on many occasions. He’s loath to contradict Anakin, though, so he asks, carefully: “And you are sure?”

“I’m sure,” Anakin says, swallowing a mouthful. “My mas—Darth Sidious, is Palpatine.”

It takes Obi-Wan a stunned moment, while Anakin just continues to eat.

Well, the Council had their suspicions, but it was never so direct. Some have speculated, very privately, that the Chancellor might be linked to a darksider in some way. Perhaps somebody who is in opposition to Count Dooku, another Master has raised. But for the Chancellor *himself* to be this elusive, mysterious Darth Sidious, seems downright unfathomable.

“You…” Obi-Wan pauses, rewording the sentence in his mind for the seventh time. “I would like you to be serious, Anakin. That was not a joke, was it?”

Anakin, unsmiling, turns his eyes up to him with a look of confusion as if saying What’s a joke? “Darth Sidious is Palpatine,” he repeats. “I’m not allowed—I was not allowed to call him that, though.”

Obi-Wan takes a deep breath. The timing does line up far too well. “Anakin, that means you have... disposed of the Supreme Chancellor.”

Anakin scoffs, scrunches up his nose, and shrugs again. “If you put it that way,” he mutters, slouching down even lower as he pointedly eats his food.

Obi-Wan opens his mouth, then closes it again. He sighs at the ceiling, and picks up his fork and knife. Might as well enjoy a good meal before the migraine sets in.

—

To his own amazement, Obi-Wan is getting used to the way Anakin follows him around like a hatchling, whenever he is home.

During the first few days, it took Obi-Wan a considerable amount of patient explanation to convince Anakin not to sit on the floor at the foot of the door frame until he came back. His reasons ranged from “It’s rather undignified for you” (to which Anakin said, “I’ve done worse,” at which point Obi-Wan had to switch subjects immediately, putting a pin in it for future unpacking), to “You might catch a cold, sitting here for so long” (to which Anakin answered, “It’ll go away on its own,” which prompted Obi-Wan to check his temperature immediately, only to realize that Anakin had been cloaking his fever for at least a day, and - well, that was another pin on the board). In the end, it was only the allowance for him to use the kitchenette that kept the former Sith from waiting at the door like a hound, rather busying himself at the stove instead. It was a great decision through and through, considering how much Anakin improved the quality of their meals.

But otherwise, Anakin still makes no secret of his immediate attachment to him. Perhaps there should be no surprise in that, considering the sort of upbringing he must have suffered through; not that Obi-Wan knows much of it anyway, considering how quiet Anakin remains and how reluctant he himself is to ask personal questions. Nevertheless, from the way Anakin acted - finding his way into the Jedi Temple and declaring his trust to a sworn enemy rather than relying on his own Sith allies - it isn’t hard to infer that this man has had precious little reason to put his trust into anybody in his surroundings. It also aligns with the Sith ways, Obi-Wan speculates - and could only dare speculate, because truth be told he does not know all that much of the Sith outside of his research on ancient texts. Contemporary Sith are few. The Master might just make his own rules, and Darth Sidious - the Supreme Chancellor, Force have mercy - seemed like the type to play cruel games. So he has every reason to understand and empathize. And he truly does extend his most heartfelt compassion to this wayward Force-wielder.

That doesn’t make it any easier to deal with Anakin’s irritability whenever Obi-Wan comes back from a mission.

He’s clearly unhappy about Obi-Wan being away, especially if he discovers that the mission has been with Ahsoka. He only grows more upset and quick-tempered as time goes by; it begins with him upturning the decorative datapad shelves in the living room, escalating to a series of broken glasses and plates in the kitchenette; finally one day Obi-Wan comes back home to knives lodged in the wall, Anakin in the midst of pulling them out.

Anakin has the decency to look sheepish, even just slightly, as he silently puts away all the knives and hides himself in the kitchen completely. He cleans up, at least. In fact, he was almost always in the middle of cleaning up when Obi-Wan caught him in the act, which prompts the question: How many other times has he done this while left alone?

Obi-Wan only sighs. It does border on cruelty to keep somebody alone in these cramped quarters for weeks on end. He also knows that whatever measures he has set up to keep Anakin safe here - from the world, and from Anakin himself, - it would be a fatal oversight to underestimate the ability of a former Sith. He has no doubts that Anakin, even while one-handed and saber-less, could escape if he truly wanted to. The fact that Anakin willingly keeps himself stowed away in a Jedi’s quarters while desperately and entertaining himself through destructive means only to then be embarrassed about it… is a testament to some budding virtue, Obi-Wan supposes. And it only intensifies his guilt: it’s as if he’s taking advantage of Anakin’s trust to confine him to solitude, while he himself pushes back and back the kind of work a true mentor would need to engage in to help Anakin. The fact that he is fighting a war, or whatever is left of it, is no excuse.

It is with resolution that he stands up and heads into the kitchen. Their eyes meet as soon as he steps in; clearly enough, Anakin has been watching him. Anakin’s fingers grip the counter, knuckles blanched. Obi-Wan holds up his hands, moving as slowly and unpredictably as possible, and cuts to the chase.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go outside, Anakin.”

Anakin’s brows shoot up, but he still doesn’t unclench his jaws.

“I believe it’s rather unfair to keep you locked inside,” Obi-Wan explains. “After all, cooking can only do so much to spend all of one’s pent up energy.” He gives a small, gentle smile, inwardly anxious because of the way Anakin still looks at him with his guards up, shoulders squared, halfway between fight and flight. “I am not suggesting anything much, Anakin. Only a walk in the park, if it suits you. The decision is up to you.”

A moment or two passes in thick, awkward silence. Then Anakin, hesitantly: “Will you be there?”

It’s the first pleasant surprise Obi-Wan has had in what felt like an age. His smile grows, unbidden. “Yes, I insist.”

—

Autumn winds reel through his hair before rushing off to rustle in the foliage. The nightly air is crisp on his cheeks, and Obi-Wan doesn’t even think to tighten his robes around him; he enjoys a nice, chilly evening. Silence is alleviated by the song of insects in the grass, as they make their way down the serpentine path, round fountains and beds of flowers. Their robes flutter, and their hands are firmly linked.

It’s nothing that cannot be explained by strict necessity, or so Obi-Wan reasons: He must be able to make sure Anakin never strays from his sight, for safety reasons; and he dislikes the thought of putting any kind of binding or chains or even just a simple tied thread on Anakin. As usual, when all else fails, undertaking by hand is the solution - hence Anakin’s hand in his own, their palms warmly interfacing, their calluses fitting together.

The contact is also enjoyable, but that’s beside the point.

“I like the sky at night,” Anakin says, sudden but quiet. Obi-Wan glances at him to find Anakin not looking back at him for once. Anakin’s hood has long since slipped off because of the way he tips his head back to turn his eyes to the stars. Most of them are shrouded by gathering clouds, but some of them still shine through the dark.

“I see,” Obi-Wan muses. “May I ask why?”

For once, Anakin doesn’t hesitate to answer. “I like to look at the stars. They’re just suns, but far away. Can’t burn you, only blink at you.” Anakin’s hand tightens just a little. A patch of wildflowers gently glows when the two of them pass by. “When you blink back at them, you’re not alone.”

“And what if the stars are hidden?” Obi-Wan gestures, voice light, even as his heart sinks. He knows a lonely child, or one who used to be a lonely child, when he sees one. “What do you do then?”

The sigh that follows is lost in a gust of wind. There’s only the slightest of tremors in Anakin’s fingertips. They fall back into silence, deeper silence this time, as even the insects seem to quiet. The air feels earthy and damp with a coming rain. The sky blackens as clouds roil and thicken, and suddenly it’s dark as pitch and the comfortable coolness splinters into shivers under his skin. When the first drop falls, Obi-Wan reaches over to draw up Anakin’s hood for him. Anakin turns to him, eyes downcast.

“Then I’m alone,” he answers, belated and small.

—

“Maybe you’re right, Master.” Ahsoka picks up her steaming mug of tea, sinking comfortably into her amply cushioned seat on the couch. A strip of morning sunlight draws lazily across the room. “Whatever you’re doing, it’s working. He’s getting... nicer, lately. You should keep walking him.”

Obi-Wan chuckles at the turn of phrase. Walking him… “I don’t think it’s my doing,” he says, pouring a little more tea for himself. Anakin shuffles from one corner of the kitchenette to another, apron strings fluttering behind him. Obi-Wan shakes his head and takes a sip of tea, smiling. “I don’t think it’s my doing at all.”

[theyarebothgunshot]

I’d be very interested in your thoughts on the JIB8 cockles panel. just a suggestion for your rewatch 👀

i’ve seen the jib8 panel so many times, because it’s honestly one of the wildest things i have ever seen and i just never get tired of it. 

first of all i want to give you my take on the overall vibe, and then second of all i will get into the details and link to certain timestamps in the video. 

disclaimer: i am not gonna be linking to every single thing i talk about, but i will try my best to link to the moments that stand out to me the most. i have read long posts about this panel before, so not everything in this post is gonna be original or said for the first time ever, simply because there is a good chance that information has stuck in my mind and has subconsciously formed my view of this panel. this is also in no way, shape or form gonna be coherent, unfortunately. i’m just gonna hope that the cockles hivemind will be able to make sense of this regardless. love and light. and lastly, this is all in good fun, so don’t come at me if you think this is too out there please and thank you.

fun fact: i was today years old when i found out that the airbnb story took place one day before this panel. what a sexually charged weekend that was for them dude (gn).

the vibe that i get from this panel is that their moods were off before they got on stage, and where misha kind of looks tired and not 100% enthusiastic about things, jensen apparently decided to get drunk and is trying to make it look like he is thriving. yet, a little while into the panel we learn that it has been an emotional rollercoaster of a day for him, which might have something to do with the overall mood. then again, it could be that something else happened in between the autographs and that panel, who is to say?

i have talked about the d/s subtones in their interactions before and this panel makes my radar ping like nobody’s business. if my interpretation of their dynamics is right, then one could assume that jensen was being very bratty on purpose, trying to stir up a reaction in misha, and i think he probably got what he wanted (more or less. maybe he thought misha would find it more amusing than he did, or but honestly, at that point they have already known each other for nearly 10 years so odds are he knew what he was doing and how misha would react to it. it would surprise me greatly if these two didn’t work out their mutual frustrations with the day and each other after this panel ended- in the bedroom.)

i genuinely think i have never seen jensen flirt more openly and aggressively with misha, ever, and i have never seen misha in the state he was in during this panel either: tired, a little annoyed about the fact that jensen was going off the deep end and that he was not able to stop him, to the point where he just gives up and says things like ‘when in rome’ etc. let’s get into it. 

the mood is set from the very first second: misha is kinda subdued, and jensen is being a bit of a clown, coaxing misha to join him in the madness, which he does to a certain extent. 

we are off to a great start with not just one [0m15s], but two [0m20s] moments in which i just know in my bones they wanted to hold hands. how do i know? because i have been there my fucking self. wanting to hold hands with your crush when you are drunk and acting silly is a love language okay.

as soon as they sit down, misha tries to make conversation and jensen just starts pushing him and pushing him, [1m11s] saying ‘shut up’ and ‘yeah it’s really stupid and it embarrasses me’, but misha tries to ignore it at first and just marches on through. which is probably why i never see people talk about that little comment. it embarrasses jensen when misha sits like that? why would he need to feel embarrassed by his friend’s actions? kinda weird tbh, sounds like husband behavior to me. i have a feeling that when misha said ‘by which he means it’s an innie’, jensen REALLY had to bite on his tongue not to go all ‘you weren’t complaining this morning’ or something like that. look at his face bro [1m55s]. 

and then jensen opens up his legs like the little tramp (affectionate) that he is and when misha tries to stop him he just TURNS to misha with said open legs like a mad man and goes ‘here’s the thing. pick a leg.’ [2m05s] LIKE? who DOES THAT? that is insane people behavior!!! admittedly i am a cis woman and i don’t have conversations with male friends about their bodily anatomy all that often, but i legit cannot phatom that this is a normal thing to talk about with your platonic buddy. pick a leg for me to rest my dick on, old buddy old pal. NOBODY DOES THAT. it’s not even something that i would consider flirting because even though i am into men, i would not find that arousing? so it’s either an action to provoke annoyance in misha or it’s something they have discussed before or both. because misha immediately understands what he means, starts shaking his head in frustration, and actually turns to jensen as if to say ‘are you fucking kidding me right now? really? you are really doing this?’ followed by a ‘this is making me feel so uncomfortable’ aka one of the phrases they both like to use even though they never mean it. 

then when jensen actually goes up to do his ridiculous mating dance and sits back down again, he automatically sits down with his body turned towards misha. 

quick side note: if anybody understands what the joke was about when they talked about ‘cas has big dolls’ i would love to hear it, because that has never made any sense to me, but it’s probably a me problem lmao. 

when misha goes ‘could you watch your language please’ i think that’s a sign that he is genuinely getting a bit frustrated [4m53s] with jensen even though he is obviously playing it off as a joke. right after he says that, jensen puts his fingers against his mouth, as if to shut himself up. i know that a lot of people don’t wanna read too much into body language but hey, i am writing an analysis here so work with me for a sec: i think that could be a subconscious decision to listen to what misha is telling him to do, which ties into the d/s dynamics i’ve mentioned earlier. 

i know people always go crazy when misha goes ‘what did i tell him’ [5m19s] and jensen whispers in his ear. i personally think misha probably told him about the fact that they booked kansas the band, but it’s still pretty telling that that is how misha would react to the question if something he told him is public knowledge. evidently that goes to show that there is enough that misha tells jensen that cannot be shared with the public, which i thought is interesting. 

now that i am watching it again, the ‘j*red would have just said it’ comment kind of stumbles around in my brain asking me to dissect it. let’s just say that i wouldn’t be surprised if they were both thinking back on the many, many times that j*red put his foot in his mouth and made a suggestive comment about jensen and misha’s relationship. 

god i just cringed [6m14s] watching jensen interact with that first girl who asked a question and he just goes off on her about how twins are cool and misha is shaking his head lord oh lord and that is the minute daniella decides that hey maybe they need even more alcohol lmfaoooo it’s a lot. poor misha i genuinely feel bad for him.

and then he goes ‘real men have twins’ and looks at misha and misha is still not having it so he goes ‘it’s just a shirt’ like girl (gn) pleASE that’s husband behavior, yet again, why else would he feel the need to clarify it. ‘look babe don’t be mad or jealous i don’t mean anything by it, it’s just a shirt’ i hate him. 

i just know misha would have wanted to take the apple juice away from jensen lmao. 

one of the moments [9m35s] that always stands out to me is when they go ‘that’s why we don’t bring steven’ ‘that’s right, that’s why he’s not allowed’ idk how to explain it but the way that just flows out of them so naturally feels very coupley for some reason.

i think we can all agree that jensen’s reaction [12m22s] to misha’s ‘i always wear orange underwear’ story is completely fake, right? because there is no way he didn’t know that, and his reaction was very exaggerated. plus, the little gesture to make misha show his underwear? bitch, please. whipped. there was also exactly zero reason for him to come that close to misha in order to inspect the color of his underwear.

the one thing that i wonder about, though, is why misha didn’t know jensen was wearing the famous underbear briefs? but as i am writing this i realise that even if they slept in the same hotel room, there are obviously a few different possible reasons why misha didn’t know what underwear jensen was wearing that day: either jensen showered and changed in the bathroom, so by the time he faced misha again he was fully dressed, or misha had to leave their hotel room earlier than jensen, or jensen changed while misha showered, etc etc. 

in any case……. jensen dropping trou in the middle of this fucking panel? absolutely batshit insane, 10/10 thank you for your service nesnej. 

this [13m54s] is where shit really starts to hit the fan. jensen is OUT OF CONTROL. the long stares??? the ‘rawr’s??? ‘you didn’t even get the full picture’??? (sidenote i would love to know what misha whispered to him right after).

OKAY so. when the girl mentions j*red and jensen goes all Knowing What’s Up and says ‘oh he has had a rough time today. misha kept us up way too late last night. *glances at misha* rrrrrrr’ listen. the only reason i am not reading too much into this is because i do not believe they had a threesome with j*red but also the way he said it was very sus and my mind can’t help but wonder if they were disgustingly flirty and way too touchy feely in front of j*red whilst drunk and honestly that’s probably the case.

of course this is followed [15m15s] by the insane man saying ‘by the way they go down to here’??? and the potentially whispered ‘i’ll show you later’?????? sir i have a lot of questions. number one: how dare you? 

bless this next person for this question, because she starts her sentence with: ‘people who have been together for a long time…’ i actually already made a post about this once so i implore you all to read that because i still stand by what i said in there.

it is of course followed by them both not being able to think about ANYTHING appropriate to say to the question if there is anything they only do in front of each other that doesn’t involve pants. and then misha goes ‘why don’t i just share a private moment that we had’ and jensen’s first instinct is to say ‘shit’. i mean. i am merely perceiving. 

this is the moment we realise that it has been quite The Day for them, but especially for jensen, because he has been emotional earlier in the day. which, again, could explain his demeanor during the panel. trying to distract himself. notice that he gets up and shakes his legs again and goes for a drink the second misha starts to tell the story: coping mechanisms aka distraction, just like he did at the start of the panel. 

the moment where he goes ‘it’s hitting me now. shit.’ really solidifies this theory for me, that he has been acting like a goofy drunken guy all panel, in order to drown out the emotions he felt that afternoon, but alas. once he started to talk about it, it still all came back to him. 

i will say this though: it kind of warms my heart that he was so touched by the fact that the fandom spawned something good. makes me feel slightly less dumb for forming parasocial relationships with that man. only slightly, but still. 

misha going ‘god he’s so grouchy’ [25m32s]? say it with me, folks: husband behavior. once again misha tries to talk jensen down and jensen listens (sort of). say it with me, folks: d/s behavior. and RIGHT after that jensen walks towards misha with this intense fucking stare in his eyes that makes me feel like i am intruding, and then after he gets another drink (nesnej, why?) he just. gently massages misha’s neck and shoulder before draping his arm around him? and his hand lingers when he goes to grab the keychain? okay. 

insert the famous ‘when in rome’ debacle lmao misha was so done with jensen by then it’s so hilarious. the funny thing is that misha says ‘what i mean is show each other our underwear, nothing weird. you can’t look at me like that, because of what you did’, while the question was ‘what would dean and cas do in rome’ and not ‘what would jensen and misha do in rome’ but clearly, once again, the actors cannot make a distinction between the two. interesting :) it also wouldn’t surprise me if jensen has told him to tone down the dean/cas answers but now that jensen decided to fully flash him on stage misha is like ‘sorry but i am not playing by your rules after what you did’ lmao. of course, jensen’s reaction is to go back to parting his legs for misha, like he is challenging him. i mean. you can’t make this shit up. 

am i the only one who thinks that jensen might be thinking dirty thoughts when misha repeats ‘what would dean and cas do’ [27m50s]? because like. that’s quite a face he is making.

when he says ‘i don’t know how to answer that’ and misha agrees, idk, for some reason i get the feeling that that’s in the sense of ‘i don’t know how to answer that in a way that won’t get our fans’s hopes up because we know what they would want and we know what we would answer but we can’t go there’. 

i really feel like the final straw for daniella was the way that jensen reacted to that last question like he was gonna have another breakdown lmao and that’s why the rest of the cast and crew were pushed onto the stage prematurely. because when you think about it, it’s a pretty rude thing to do when somebody is still answering a question? but okay. 

listen - the last 6 minutes of this panel are so chaotic sdjfhsjh the only thing i can conclude from it is that jensen is hella drunk but we’ve been knew. his mood changes by the fucking second. i love him and his little dance and how he sits down on the stage. i feel like i might be jensen coded when i am drunk. i too get slutty and unpredictable. 

so anyways long story short: jensen was hella drunk and wanted to provoke misha, it worked, they had hot sweaty sex after this panel, and the fact that jensen got drunk enough to entrust misha with taking care of shit during the panel makes me very emotional for some reason, and i just love them a lot. thank you for coming to my ted talk. 

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Fangs//i bet you're real sweet with her

Request: You my friend are the queeen 👑 of songfics. Any chance you would want to write a fic for the song Bitter by Fletcher? With any of my boys Malachai/Reggie/Fangs/Pea you can choose 😘

hey! brit! @wayward-river this is for you, my love! enjoy! also, this is the last request i have! i did it!! well done me!! requests will be open soon, so keep your eyes peeled! 

The world may have moved on and evolved, but when you’re stuck in Riverdale, it feels like you’re still in the same unknown decade, no matter how long you stay for. 

Four years after graduation, you’re still waiting tables at Pop’s, despite the rest of your friends moving on. The only people left behind is you, Toni, Sweet Pea and Fangs. But what was once known the four musketeers, now has a huge divide between them. 

You still talk to Toni, but she talks more with Fangs. You and Fangs don’t talk to each other anymore due to a very messy ending of an almost six year relationship. Sweet Pea and Fangs only really talk to each other when they have to. Sweet Pea’s pissed because of what Fangs did to you, despite you telling him that you don’t want to be the reason they fall out, but he still sticks by your side. And Fangs is pissed at him for taking your side. 

Toni and Sweet Pea are still close but not as much as they used to be. The only plus side is the fact that you and Sweet Pea are closer than before, but that comes at a cost, because he’s stuck in between the messiest breakup in Riverdale history, and there’s nothing he can really do except sit and listen to you complain. 

Not that he minds though, as long as you keep giving him secret staff discount on his food, he’s fine listening to you mope about Fangs. 

“I just-” You sigh, your head dropping to rest on the table. The clock ticks above you and you can feel some of the other waitresses glaring at you, as they will time to move quicker so they can have their own breaks. “Do you know when you’re on the outside of an inside joke? And everyone else knows it but you have no idea what they’re talking about and it makes you feel really lonely.” 

“Lime.” He chuckles and you stare at him confused. “Sorry, you weren’t there.” 

“That doesn’t help Sweet Pea.” You slump in the stool and stare out of the coffee machine.

In the reflection you see a group of teenagers sat at the far end of the diner and you’re taken back to when that used to be you. You and the rest of the serpents would sit for hours, just talking and eating. Now those days are far gone, the only time you would ever be in the same place as Fangs would be to fight him. 

“Hey. Sorry to interrupt.” An older woman invades your thoughts and casts a shadow over you. You pull your gaze away from the shiny metal and stare up at her. “I really wanted Coke but you guys only seem to have Pepsi.” 

“I’m on my break sorry.” You force a smile. The rehearsed customer service voice coming out naturally. “But I’m sure one of my colleagues would be more than happy to help.” You add and point to the various members of staff trying to look busy. You glare at the newest member, Emma, who has the coldest eyes and fakest smile you have ever seen. She’s been a pain in your ass since she got here, and she hasn’t stopped since. You’re just hoping the new girl starting today is going to be a lot nicer. 

“Ughhh.” You groan and lean your head on the counter again. “I just remembered I’m training a new girl today.” 

“I thought you’d just done that.” 

“I have.” You grumble and look up at him. “But because I’m the most experienced member of staff, apparently it’s also my job to make sure they don’t put tea in the coffee machine and to keep the condiments separate.” You add and fiddle with the salt packet lying in front of you. 

“Well, I’m gonna be here for a little bit longer. I don’t start till three, so I can keep you company.” 

“Thanks.” You smile. “Where are you going today?” 

“Just to Greendale and back.” 

“Come round when you finish...we can drink what will be left of the night away.” 

“Deal.” He smiles and grabs your hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. Sweet Pea’s phone lights up beside you and you peer over his arm to see who it is. 

“Don’t bother.” You say when he reaches for it. “It’s just your mom.” You add when he looks at you confused and his face soon falls. 

“Oh.” He grumbles. “I told her to leave me alone.” 

“I’m sure she’ll get the message soon.” You try your best to sound convincing. But you’ve been repeating that sentence for seven years and she still doesn’t seem to get it. No matter how many times Sweet Pea tells her that he’s better off without her. 

For a while you thought it had worked. Nobody had heard from her in almost 6 months, but then she popped back up and ruined the progress that Sweet Pea had been making of having a stable life. 

“And if not. I’ll make sure she does.” You add making him snort a laugh. A soft smile twitches at your own lips as you watch him laugh and then shove a few fries in his mouth. Your hand reaches out to steal some but he catches it and shoves you away making you pout. “Hey! Technically I paid for those. The least you can do is share.” 

“What?” He asks through a mouthful of food and you pull a face. “I can’t hear you over the chewing.” He adds and shoves the rest of them in his mouth.

“You’re disgusting.” You shake you head making him laugh loudly. For a good minute, everything feels normal. It feels like you’re just sat with your friend and praying for time to slow down so you don’t have to go back to work. 

But eventually time does catch up with you, and as soon as the clock strikes quarter past you have to haul yourself back up, grab your rag and get on. The song on the jukebox flips and you’re suddenly hit with a wave of nostalgia. 

The opening notes float through the air, and all of sudden you can see you and Fangs dancing right in front of you. 

3am in December during a snowstorm. The worst Riverdale had seen for years and the two of you were hiding in the warmth of Pop’s until it went away. You were the only ones in and so Fangs decided to make the most out of the empty diner, and the two of you danced stupidity around the entire place, much to the amusement of the very bored and very tired workers. 

Tears spring to your eyes and you let out a shaky breath before fiddling with your fingers. 

“Y/n?” Sweet Pea asks. “You okay?” You nod and Sweet Pea stares back at you. Your shiny eyes and wobbly lip really doesn’t help your case of ‘i’m over it!’, but for now he decides to leave it. In the three months since you broke up, you’ve already cried more times than he can count, and that’s just at work. He doesn’t want to see you cry again. If he had his way, you’d never cry again. Not ever. 

“I’m fine. I know you think I’m stupid but it’s just how I feel.” You shrug and his expression softens. He grabs your hand, stopping you from walking away and you look at your intwined fingers. 

“I have never once thought you were stupid.” He says seriously and you swallow thickly. “Well, apart from the time I dared you to steal FP’s bike and you actually did it.” He adds, the atmosphere being too serious for the two of you. 

“I never got caught though.” You point your pen at him, a smile curling the corners of your lips and Sweet Pea smiles back at you. 

“It was still stupid.” He replies and you roll your eyes. 

“Hey, Pea?” You ask. “Do you know if Fangs is with anybody. I just, I can’t shake the feeling that somebody else is in my shoes right now. You know, doing all of the stuff we used to do.”  

“I don’t think so.” He shrugs and you nod slowly. 

“Good.” You nod and hold your head higher. “I’m the best he’s ever going to have anyway.” You add making him chuckle. 

“Very true.” He laughs. “Y/n? Do you think you might be-I dunno, maybe just a bit bi-” 

“I’m not bitter.” You defend and he sends you a look. 

“Sure you’re not.” He sips his coffee. “You are dressed in yellow though. And what fruit is yellow?” 

“A le-” 

“A lemon!” He interrupts, a stupid grin taking over his expression as waits for you to answer. 

“Okay.” You nod and grab your notepad from the table. “I’m walking away now. There you go Emma, you can sneak out the back to text a man that is definitely not your husband. 

“Oh, hi.” Someone taps your shoulder as you’re walking away making you quickly spin around. The girls almost walks into you and a string of apologies fall from her mouth as she quickly looks around to make sure no one saw. 

Her brown hair stops at her waist and curls a little bit near the end. Her bright blue eyes sparkle under the florescent lighting, and her pink lips curl into a nervous smile as she looks around. You glance at Sweet Pea and roll your eyes when you see him not so subtly checking her out. 

“Can I help?” You ask and she quickly looks back at you, a bright red blush creeping up her cheeks. 

“Yes. Hi, sorry. I’m Olivia. I start today.” She says and sticks her hand out in front of you. You shake it and send a glare to Sweet Pea who is still checking her out and he rolls his eyes at you before scrolling through his phone. 

“Lovely to meet you Olivia.” You smile. “Follow me and I’ll show you the ropes.” 

“I would so not mind seeing either of you with ropes.” Sweet Pea mumbles and you grit your teeth. 

“Would you excuse me for just a second?” She nods, eyes wide as she watches you slap Sweet Pea over the head with the rag. He jumps and yelps from the sudden attack before rubbing his head and scowling at you. “Okay, where were we?” You ask, a smile returning to her lips as she just stares at you in disbelief. “It’s fine. We’re friends.” You shrug and walk her to the counter. 

“It doesn’t make it okay!” Sweet Pea shouts. 

“Do you want your bill yet...your full one?” You add and he slumps back in his seat, his arms crossed in defeat. 

“Okay, so do you have any waitressing experience?” 

“Yes!” She smiles. “I used to work in a diner like this one back in New York.” She says and your eyes widen at the mention of New York.

“Oh, so you’re an out of towner?” You ask while showing her around. “This is the kitchen. Basically you get an order, you clip it on there and then the food will come through here. The only time we ever really need to go into the kitchen is if there is a mistake or it’s your turn to put the bins out. There’s a rota in the office but I’ll show you that later.” 

“Got it.” She nods. “Yeah. I moved here a few months ago. I’ve been trying to find a job since I moved but there’s only so much you can do in a small town.” She explains and you nod knowingly. 

“Why would you ever leave New York for Riverdale. Did you get lost or something?” You tease and she rolls her eyes playfully. 

“No.” She shakes her head. “I came here just as a little break to get away from the city, and then I met a guy and I haven’t been back.” She says and your eyes widen. 

“You stayed for a boy?” You ask in disbelief and she nods, with an embarrassed smile. “Wow.” You add. “This is the main eating area as you can see. We all have our sections, again, the rota, but you’ll be paired with me for today so you won’t need to know where you are until your next shift. And be warned, if you see him-” You point at Sweet Pea and he waves in return. “Ignore everything he says.” You finish and his face falls. 

“I’m gonna stop keeping you company if you’re not careful.” He huffs and you roll your eyes. 

“How else are you going to spend your free time if not here?” He shrugs and spins around the chair. When you had more friends, you used to need a booth to fit all of you in and even then you had to steal chairs from other tables. Now Sweet Pea just sits on the stools by the till so he can chat to you. 

Sometimes when it’s late and you’re nearing the end of a long shift, you’re sure you can see the ghosts of past versions of yourselves sat in the corner booth. Their laugher filling the air and reminding you of a happier time. 

“You guys are a cute couple.” Olivia coos and you and Sweet Pea stare at each other in disgust. 

“We are not a couple.” You say quickly and distance yourself away from him. 

“You would be lucky to be called my girlfriend.” He says and making you laugh. 

“Yeah, I’m really missing out.” You reply. “We’re not a couple.” You repeat, looking at Olivia this time and she nods while trying to suppress a smile. 

“Got it. Not a couple.” 

“Anyway, tell us about this man that seemingly turned your world upside down.”  

“He’s amazing!” She starts and you suddenly start to regret asking. This is definitely not going to help the ever growing feeling that you’re going to be alone forever. “He recently got a new job as a truck driver. At the minute he’s just doing to make some money, but it’s not what he wants to do. And he got a new little flat with his friend and it’s great. He’s an amazing cook...like the best. And he’s so handsome. Sometimes I look at him and I seriously wonder if he was crafted by God himself. He is that good, he has made me believe in God.”

“...wow.” You choke a little. 

“Yeah...wow.” Sweet Pea adds and the two of you share an impressed look. She chuckles shyly and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“He sounds sweet.” You smile and a blush creeps up her neck as she fiddles with her apron. “Who is he? Maybe I know him.” 

“Fangs. Fangs Fogarty.” She replies and your jaw drops. The cup in your hand wobbles and you scramble to catch it before it smashes on the floor. Olivia quickly moves forward to help you, but you stand up before she has the chance and she’s left awkwardly standing just a bit too close to you. 

Sweet Pea coughs and coffee dribbles down his chin, making both of you look at him and he forces a smile until Olivia is called away. You and Sweet Pea stare at each other for a few seconds, your eyes wide and jaws slack and then you both start an incoherent flow of words as you try and figure out what the hell is going on. 

“I thought you said Fangs wasn’t seeing anyone!” You start and slap him over the head with your rag again. He ducks and catches it, but his face crinkles when he comes in to contact with the soggy fabric and he quickly drops it. 

“He said he wasn’t!” He argues. “I asked him the other day if he was seeing anyone and he said no. It’s not my fault he lied.” He adds and you huff at him, crossing your arms while staring at the door. 

From your peripheral, you watch him roll his eyes and sigh before mumbling a quiet sorry. 

“It’s fine.” You sigh. “It’s not your fault.” The two of you watch her make her wander around the restaurant and talking to a few of the other servers, the smile never leaving her lips and a scowl slowly makes its way onto your own. “If I were her I would start packing my bags already because we all know Fangs does not do commitment. It doesn’t matter if its two months or six years, one day he will just up and leave, turning your whole life upside down because he’s a selfish di-” 

“Okayyyy.” He says and grabs your arm pulling you over the counter. “Y/n, listen to me.” He grabs your cheeks. “You have got to pull yourself together. One. you are much hotter than her. Seriously, I only checked her out once and that was when she first got here. But I check you out literally every time you walk into a room.” 

“Than-” 

“Two. Now that it’s official that Fangs has moved on, it means that you can too and you don’t look like the bad person because he did it first. So Friday night, you’re going to get dressed up and then we’re gonna go to Greendale and go to that club, Brightstars and then you’re gonna get bu-” 

“You don’t need to finish that sentence.” You reply and he nods proudly before letting go. You drop back onto the floor and smooth your uniform out. 

It’s fine, you got this. You can be the bigger person and you can put any petty differences aside for an easy working environment. Fangs has already ruined enough of your life, he doesn’t need to ruin this to. 

Apparently he does though, because not two seconds after you’ve had that life-altering thought, does he walk through the doors of Pop’s. The bell rings to announce his presence and everyone turns to look at him. 

Sweet Pea buries his head in a menu, despite having already eaten. You frantically look around the place to try and find somewhere to hide, but instead you just watch as Olivia’s face lights up as she greets her boyfriend. The two of them kiss, his hands grip her waist and there is far too much tongue involved to be doing it in public. 

Before you can stop yourself, a disgusted expression has already settled on your face and when Olivia turns around to introduce you to him, you try your best to smile through it. 

“Do you guys know each other?” She asks while leading him over to the counter. Sweet Pea shuffles further away and grabs another menu to cover his face. You mumble a few curse words at him and vow than the next break you’re not just going to hit him with the rag, you’re going to choke him with it before you muster the politest smile you possibly can. 

“Yeah. We went to school together!” You say before Fangs can say anything. He looks at you surprised and you narrow your eyes at him before looking back at Olivia. “We all did. Didn’t we Pea.” You add and snatch the menu’s from him. 

He sits up straighter, forcing an awkward smile before nodding slowly. 

“Yeah, we-er. We used to hang out.” He adds and Olivia looks at Fangs surprised. 

“You never mentioned a Y/n and a-” 

“Sweet Pea.” He says and you grab the empty plate and glass from in front of him. 

“Wait, is it because they’re friends with that crazy ex you told me about?” She wonders and you freeze. You raise an eyebrow at him and he gulps. “Fangs used to date this girl and they were together for a really long time, but then he broke up with her because well, I guess he just wanted other things. She was crying and begging him to stay and it was a whole mess. Funny story we met when he was throwing away all her old furniture. I asked him what the smoke was about and he told me he was just burning some bad memories.” She laughs and the glass breaks under your grip. The noise causes you all to jump and suddenly it’s all too much. 

Tears spring to your eyes and you quickly dump the apron on the counter. 

“I’m gonna go clean this, can you cover for me Pea?” You ask and he stands, his face full of concern as he watches you disappear out the back. 

Olivia grabs a dustpan and brush and starts cleaning up while Fangs just stares at the floor. Guilt burrows further into his chest as he stares at the broken glass and his new girlfriend cleaning it up. 

“I didn’t mean to upset her.” She says. “Where they friends or something?” She asks and Sweet Pea shrugs. 

“Yeah, something like that.” He sends Fangs a glare. 

“I’ll go see if she’s okay.” He says suddenly and Sweet Pea’s glare only worsens. 

“Do you really think that’s a good idea?” He asks. 

“Nope.” He takes a deep breath before following you through the kitchen and into the office. The door swings open and you sigh, too busy trying to pick glass from your hand to look up at it. 

“I’m fine Sweet Pea. Could you just pass me the first aid box?” 

“Here.” Fangs says and you quickly look up, your eyes widen at the dark haired boy standing in front of you. They soon darken once you snatch the box from him and place it on the desk. 

“What do you want Fangs?” 

“I’m sorry.” He kneels in front of you, forcing you to look at him. The already small office feels suddenly a lot smaller once you look into his eyes and suddenly you feel like you can’t breathe. 

“For what? For breaking my heart, betraying my trust or for telling your new girlfriend, which you found after just a month, that I’m somehow the bad guy in this story?”

“Ye-” 

“You know what Fangs.” You stand and slam the box on the table. “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about you or your new life or how sorry you are. I don’t give a fuck.” You shout and back him into a corner. 

His eyes drop to your lips and your breath hitches under his stare. Was he really thinking about kissing you after everything? But even worse, were you really thinking about letting him? His hands grip your hips, pulling you even closer to him and your lips ghost over his own. 

“Do you think about me when you kiss her?” You whisper in his ear and he nods slowly. “Do you think she can taste me when you kiss her?” You add and his eyes flutter closed. The grip on your hips tighten and he leans in, but the door swings open and he quickly jumps away from you. 

“Sorry to interrupt.” Olivia apologises awkwardly. “Are you guys okay?” 

“Just arguing.” You reply and force a smile. “We’re good now though aren’t we Fangs?” 

“Yeah.” He nods. “Just fine.” 

“Come on Olivia. Tell your boyfriend to get out because we have work to do.” You say and smile at the two of them. They share a look and a short kiss before Fangs disappears back through the kitchen. 

You follow closely and watch from the kitchen door as he looks back one last time before leaving. Olivia forces a tight lipped smile at you before busying herself with cleaning some of the booths down. 

“Sweet Pea?” You ask and he hums in reply. “You’re right...I am bitter.” 

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@amberritonicole

support my writing! if you want! 

[iwavibes]

first off i’d like to say i rlly love your writing🥺🥺 and i want to thank you for sharing your work with us!!! ive read ur whole masterlist and it’s all so so good! i’m obsessed w pretty setters 🥰 i was mayhaps .... wondering if you could write something maid cafe related w either suga, kageyama or kenma? 😳 u don’t have to obviously KDNDKNDKS anyways hope you have a good day today!!!

AAAAA IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE PRETTY SETTERS SO FAR!! you're so sweet omg lemme give u a kith this made my whole day 😩💞 it's 11PM rn so this might be a bit of a mess 😭 fingers crossed that my tired brain won't fuck this up 🤞 finished this at around 12AM NSKSJSKM i hope you like this anon 💕💗

hq reacting to y/n working at a maid cafe

---sugawara, kageyama & kenma

sugawara koushi

sugawara is very adventurous like he'd be all out on trying new stuff

may it be food, hobbies, anything.

man is a knitting legend and he only went to one (1) lesson 😩

king shit 👑✊

so when noya suddenly dragged him to a maid cafe, he didn't think much of it

he was already used to his friend's pervy tendencies

why he was hanging out with him on his own was a mystery

he would quickly scan the menu, eyeing the pictures of cute food along with whatever dish sounds appetizing enough

his concentration was cut off, however, when he heard a familiar voice

even tho you purposefully raise your voice up a notch this man would still know that it's you

he'd blush furiously as soon as his eyes meet yours and seeing you in a cute maid outfit really did not help his case

you'd freeze as soon as you processed the identities of the customers in front of you mostly at suga

noya would eye the two of you knowingly, a somewhat proud smirk on his face

"NOYA I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYBODY"

"really??? must have slipped my mind."

you wanted to kill him

you would try to get back into character very awkwardly if i might add and suga would just stare at you in disbelief

was this why you always rejected him whenever he asked you out?

my boy would be having a whole ass epiphany and now he's seeing you in a whole new light

"and you, senpai?"

still, even with all these new information, he can keep his cool and tell you what he wanted smoothly.

after that, everything would be going smoothly

but then, as time passes you notice that sugawara hasn't left yet and noya is nowhere to be seen.

by the time your shift ends, he'd stand up from his seat and jog towards you with a smile

"since your shift is over, is it okay for me to take you out? or atleast walk you home?"

and tbh how could you say no to that

"you know, you could've told me that you were working during the weekends. now i feel bad for trying to keep you away from your job." he said as he walked you home.

"well... working outside school campus is strictly prohibited and i didn't want to take any chances. only one of my friends know about it and noya only found out by accident." you explained. "i'm sorry if i made you feel like i didn't trust you."

"it's okay! i totally understand why you didn't tell me. at least now i know when you get off work, this way i can walk you home everyday." he beamed.

you feel your heart pound in your chest at his words, heat slowly spreading across your cheeks as you look at him in shock.

"that is, if it's okay with you?" he stopped walking before turning his body to you. politely awaiting your answer. you nodded your head slowly and sugawara can't help but smile wider.

"you're very admirable, y/n."

kageyama tobio

unlike sugawara, kageyama is a very awkward dude

he lost a bet against hinata and now it was time for his punishment

kageyama may be the king of the court and he may look like the coolest man alive whenever he's on the court but thats about it

everything else, this poor boy is really clueless and awkward someone save him

so while they were walking around town, hinata trying to figure out what to make kageyama do, they passed by the maid cafe you work out

believe me when i tell you a light bulb suddenly sprouted from the tangerine's head

all he needed to do was go inside the cafe and buy some milk

simple stuff

but you should remember that this guy is so awkward and unaware that it can be painful just to look at him try to fit in

and soon kageyama finds himself walking to the cafe, money in hand, as he tried psyching himself out as he steps nearer to the entrance

'i can do this'

'i defeated oikawa so this will just be a piece of cake'

'boke hinata boke'

when he does enter the cafe, he opened the door too hard, making all the customers and employees turn to the sound

this boy would be glaring as he walked to the nearest empty seat

i kid you not everyone is terrified of this boy rn

and he's embarrassed enough as is because of how loud he opened the door and now everyone was looking at him 😭

baby just wants some milk 😩

it gets worse once he sees the person that will be serving him

bc wow have you seen yourself???? you're fucking hot bRO

stutters. A LOT.

and you can't help but to smirk at his flustered state.

"uhhh... m-milk please?" this was the guy everyone is scared of? you wanted to ask your co workers. it's just kageyama. the boy in your class who failed that one exam and practically begged you to tutor him. this?? this is who you're scared of?

you raised a brow teasingly at his state. "of course! would that be all, master?"

this guy literally chokes on his own spit while shaking his head frantically. you chuckled before walking away to get his drink.

"here you are, sir." you say as you settled the glass on his table. taking the money from his outstretched hand. no words. he just wants you to take the money and save him from further embarrassment.

"you know, you may be scary on the court but you're actually very adorable, tobio-chan."

ERROR kageyama.exe has stopped working

kozume kenma

if you guys thought kageyama was bad then... you right kenma is just behind him by a scratch

unlike his fellow setter, kenma can still form words when he saw you

why was he in a maid cafe in the first place? simple;; kuroo

it was one of the rare instances where his best friend actually managed to get him out of the house

and now he's salty

has a permanent frown etched on his face the whole walk to the cafe >:(

and kuroo would be talking away, unbothered by his friend's attitude and now here they were

"you know i've always wanted to come here. i heard they serve really tasty milkshakes."

"kuroo."

"yeah?"

"shut up."

he'd start playing on his phone while kuroo scolds him about how unhealthy it was to play games this much

but kenma remains unbothered

however, the moment he sees you, boi is already lost

he'd stare at you for a long time until you hear the small sfx indicating that he died.

he couldn't care less tho as he pocketed his phone inside his hoodie

kuroo quirked a brow at his friend before turning to you

"y/n! i didn't know you worked here."

"im trying to buy the latest installment of [insert random game here] so i need the money."

wow,, can you be any more perfect?

rn kenma's brain is already whirring with thoughts as he pictured this as one of his roleplay games

y/n says: so what will you be having?

choices: [banana] [latte] [ps4]

he picks the latte

"coming right up!"

and for the first time that day, kenma smiles

"oya?" kuroo spoke up the moment he sees his friend's upturned lips. "what's this?"

his face turned into a scowl again as he glared at his friend. "none of your business."

kuroo smirked, already scheming before standing up. "i'm gonna go to the restroom. watch our food while i'm gone."

"it's not like it's going anywhere." kenma huffed but his raven haired friend was already walking away.

"here are your orders, kenma." you announce, setting the food down on the table. "let me know if you need anything else."

you were just about to walk back to the counter when you suddenly felt a hand stop you by your wrist. you turned around towards a sheepish looking kenma. his eyes landing on every where but you.

"i have that game you're saving up. if you want, we can play it together. it's a multiplayer game right? i haven't started on it because kuroo sucks at shooting games." kenma's voice has always been soft and very quiet. some would've found it hard to understand what he just said but to you, you could hear him as clear as day.

"sure, we can play it this friday if you want?"

kenma nodded, finally lifting his head up to look at you.

"see you on friday then."

[laurensprentiss]

Jouska [Hotch x Reader]

Chapter 10:

Gif credit: @dudeitiskarev

A/N: Shorter chapter, an almost outtake before things really kick off. Emily ships it.

———

“Though soulmates aren't looking for you, they will find you.” - Kevin Ansbro

———

Hotch balances his phone against his shoulder and hops around on a single leg trying to pull his sock over his other foot. His words are strained when he speaks, “You’re gonna have to give me an extra twenty minutes, Ben I’m running a little late.” 

“Yeah, that’s fine - wait what are you doing? Why do you sound like that?” McCall asks.

He’s dangerously close to losing his balance, and decides against breaking his tailbone just because he might be late to work. “Nothing. I’ll see you in 20,” He grunts into the phone. 

Downstairs, Haley buzzes around the kitchen, moving from countertop to countertop, disinfecting the worktops as breakfast sizzles in the pan. She’s working on aggressively scrubbing a particular spot of grout on the worktop when Hotch makes his way downstairs.

She’s been so high-strung the last few days. Maybe even more than normal and he can’t quite figure out why. She’s being attentive and showering him with affection and has a ton of energy - teetering dangerously close to smothering him, he thinks.

She surprisingly didn’t have a lot to say when he came home after spending the night at your apartment a few days ago. It’s refreshing, sure, but he’s waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Notwithstanding her almost overnight transformation, she’s also tossing and turning through the night, enough for Hotch’s own sleep to become disturbed, her eyes are always wide, darting around, almost paranoid and her nails are bitten to the quick. 

She’s been waking up at dawn for the last two days to clean and scrub every inch of the house now and Hotch swears he could probably eat off the kitchen floor the way she’s disinfected every possible surface of the house. 

“Hey!” She whips around when he enters the kitchen. There it is again. The squeaky, high voice. The disconcerting smile. 

He frowns, watching her carefully as she throws her arms around him. He doesn’t have a chance to respond before she turns back around to fix him a plate. 

“You okay?” He mutters, eyes following her movements. 

“Yeah! I feel really good! You?” It’s like she’s forgotten how to blink. 

He nods slowly, offering a tight smile in response. He’s lost for words and actions right now, takes everything in him not to profile her. 

That’s got to be unethical, right?

But he can’t help but notice the way she diverts his questions, her paranoid body language, her overcompensating. 

She’s hiding something. 

Hotch follows behind her and motions for Haley to sit at the table, he’ll bring them both breakfast at the table, he tells her. She hesitates moving but he gently nudges her over with a hand on her back and she takes a seat, chewing her lip. Even at the table, she’s not really sitting properly, it’s like she’s almost squatting, bottom barely touching the seat, on her tiptoes, back straight. 

Hotch walks over with two plates of food and she offers him a tight smile as he does. He’s about to walk back towards the fridge for juice when the house phone rings, Haley immediately shooting up from her chair.

Hotch taps her on the shoulder. “It’s okay, I got it.” He assures her but she trails behind him, anyway. He picks up the receiver from the stand and offhandedly speaks into the phone, spotting Haley a few feet from him. 

“Hello?” 

Nothing. 

Haley’s arms are crossed, her right thumbnail between her teeth. 

“Hello?” He presses.

He says it one more time and hangs up when there’s no answer, shrugging. “Must’ve been a wrong number.” 

Haley’s shoulders relax momentarily but there’s another ringing noise, this time from her purse, not even seconds later. Both of their gazes fall to her purse, her eyes widening and mouth dropping slightly. 

The colour drains from her face. 

He looks back at Haley with wide eyes who’s all but speed-walking towards her phone, the ringing persistent. 

She flips it open, “Hello?”

He watches her carefully.

“Oh, hey Mom!” She squeaks, her voice breaking. “Can I call you later? Aaron and I are about to have breakfast.” She pauses. “Okay, bye Mom!” 

She chuckles and points to her phone. “It’s uh- my Mom. She says hi.” 

“Yeah, I got that,” He nods and glances at his watch, careful to keep his eyes on Haley. “Actually, y’know what I gotta go, I’m already late. I’ll grab something on the way.” He explains.

Her face drops but she nods, grabbing his keys and briefcase for him. He bids her an almost cold goodbye, jogging to his car. A thought occurs to him suddenly that steels him, he glances at his watch once more, frowning. 

“It’s 6am in Seattle.” 

———

“So do you guys have plans today?” McCall asks, taking a sip of his coffee. 

You take a bite of your toast, telling him that you’re going visit your father today. You still hadn’t told him about what happened at the restaurant a few days ago, and the more time that went on, the more you think you’d like to keep it that way. 

You weren’t sure how he would take it, he could fall sick again, like he had last year when the notes first started appearing and you didn’t want to risk that, not after you’d just got him back. Besides, he was the only person you had left besides Emily. 

And Hotch.

The butterflies start again. Try as you might, you couldn’t divert your attention away from Hotch and the time you’d spent together. Nothing happened, sure. You sat and talked all night, but something about that night, something about the way he’d made you feel so safe and secure, stuck with you. 

The air had shifted between you.  

But this was just a case, an assignment. After they caught this guy, he’d go back to his normal life, move on with his girlfriend and live his life. 

But you weren’t so sure what you’d do. 

Maybe it’d pass - but there’s a constant buzzing in the back of your head and in the pit of your stomach that maybe it won’t pass. 

Something about this, about him - feels different. Heavy. That occurrence settles dread in your stomach, you’d got attached before you’d even had a chance to talk yourself out of it, before you’d even realised what was happening. 

It’s just a crush, you tell yourself. 

The three of you turn your attention to the door when there’s a knock, Hotch’s voice calling out from the other side. 

“I’ll get it!” You throw your toast back onto your plate, shooting up from your chair. Emily scoffs watching you scramble from the table, her downturned head shaking. 

Hotch freezes when you open the door, expecting to see McCall, but he’s greeted by your bright eyes instead. He smiles and offers a quiet ‘Hi’, his face softening and you respond the same, both of you standing by the door, sharing a quiet moment with your friends just behind you. 

His eyes look glassy when they gaze back at you, his usual warmth is there but there’s something else, something different. You can find it in the way the tension in his shoulders dissipates , or the way his cheeks blush just slightly. 

Emily clears her throat pointedly, standing behind your couch, and it rips you both from your stupor. You chuckle and step aside to allow him to come in, his hand brushing yours as he enters. Your shiver doesn’t go unnoticed by Emily, who watches with narrow eyes from afar. 

“You want some breakfast? There’s more than enough,” you ask.

“Thank you, I’m fine.” He responds almost instinctually. McCall thanks you for breakfast and starts to make his way out but Hotch stops him, handing him the keys to the car and motions outside. 

“I’ll start the car.” McCall mutters.

Hotch turns back to you and straightens out his tie over his shirt. “Can we talk?” He asks, clearing his throat.

Emily slowly slinks away into your bedroom, and your eyes meet Hotch’s. The air changes suddenly so you turn your attention to the kitchen in an attempt to ease some of the tension, wrapping a doughnut in some parchment paper while he speaks. You figure he maybe sensed something the other night and this would be his attempt at letting you down easy. You swallow when there’s a long pause, the atmosphere thick. 

“I wanted you to hear it from me, but Emily told me about your ex. Jordan?” Your head whips back around to face him, trying your best to hide the surprise in your face. 

“Oh?” You swallow. 

This is worse. 

“Yeah. It’s none of my business and I probably should’ve told you the other night, but I just wanted you to know that we’re on our way to see him now. We need to question him. It’s a standard thing, just to see if he’s seen or heard anything.” He’s apparently hyper-focused on a spot on his shoe suddenly because he refuses to meet your eyeline. 

You chew on the inside of your cheek. “Oh. Okay. Well thanks for letting me know.” This is embarrassing. Jordan was a mistake you’d made, a sleazy, gross mistake. 

Shit.

You turn back around to pour some coffee into a mug, your cheeks burning. What would they even have to talk about? Jordan’s going to open his big mouth about how the two of you hooked up again, you think. It wouldn’t take long for Hotch to realise that it happened right after he’d begged you to let him in after you’d visited Quantico. 

But why do you care? 

It’s none of his business, he’s right. 

Still. 

The people you surround yourself with and all of that, you wouldn’t want him to think less of you. 

And you don’t want him to think you’re not available. 

He’s not available, you idiot. 

He waits for you to look back at him but when he sees you engrossed with whatever it is you’re doing, he takes that as his answer and decides to quietly exit. He’s almost out of the door when you turn back around, to see him dragging his feet. 

“Wait. Here.” You hand him the coffee and doughnut with a smile, your fingers brushing again. 

“Hey, for the record. Jordan can be,” you pause. You didn’t want to disparage anybody but you needed him to know. “Difficult? Intense? Look, all you need to know is that he was a mistake I made and - I just.” You sigh. “I don’t want you to think any less of me.” You shrug. 

He meets your eyeline this time. “What? Why would I think any less of you? I would never.” He says firmly. 

He’s right. He could never. 

“I know, still.” You can barely stop the words before they come up. “Your opinion means a lot to me.” 

He softens. No - melts, at this, a smile making its way onto his face. He wants to reach out and cup your face, wants to feel your embrace again. 

“Me too.” He whispers. 

McCall sounds the horn from below, both of you flinching at the noise and dissolving into awkward laughter. He holds up the doughnut and thanks you for breakfast.

Emily emerges smugly from your room almost as soon as Hotch leaves, her arms crossed. She wears another shit-eating grin on her face, half teasing and half questioning, finally concluding what she’d suspected from day one. She goes to open her mouth but you stop her, holding up your finger. 

“Not a word.” You warn her. 

———

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[sarcastically-defensive17]

Coffee - T. Holland

Okay, I know I have requests but this song came on at work the other day and I felt super emotional and I had to write. The use of Tom was very last minute because I had no actual person in mind for the fic, and there are very little actual defining characteristics so you can imagine it to be absolutely anybody you want!

This has broken me, so I apologize in case it has the same affect.

TW: This story contains mentions of cancer, allusions to death, mentions of death, sadness, angst, allusion to suicide, a character with cancer, and all round sadness about death.

If this content may trigger you in any way possible, please do not engage with this fic. Your personal safety and wellness is important so please take care of yourself, my lovies.

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17. Please do not copy, translate or share outside of the boundaries of tumblr without my permission. Please do not steal my work and market it as your own. Basically, don’t be a dick. Also, the above gif does not belong to me. Credit to @thollandgifs

Also, sorry the format is shit. I write on my phone so it’s hella bad.

Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head. It'll get you up and going out of bed.

While his life stood still, hers moved. Most days he could barely move without the nausea taking over. His head pounding, body exhausted and weak beyond recognition. She had established a routine the minute she could. She made sure he had his morning coffee everyday. Whenever his eyes opened, she would be right by his side with his favourite beverage, bringing him breakfast and a warm, loving smile to entice him to get out of bed. She understood on days that his body fought him more than it already was - she was compassionate and considerate. On those days she would help him prop himself in a comfortable position, switch on whatever show they were watching at the time and curl up next to him with her work beside her.

His heart was often overwhelmed with the care she provided him. They were well into the fourth year of their life together, and he had no doubt in his mind that he would love her until his last days. He often solemnly thought of the ring he still had hidden in his drawer of their shared cabinet. He had made a vow to pop the question if he ever recovered, but the thought of that day never coming simply tore another piece from his already dwindling soul.

He would often sit in his chair, or on the bed in their small, studio apartment, watching her flutter around the house in a graceful way only she could. He had memorized her every move when she conducted the most mundane activity. The way she poured a glass of water, the way she tapped her fingers against her thigh to the tune of a theme song, the way she always made his coffee to pure perfection - in a way that nobody else had been able to do.

He had so much love for her, that he was terrified of it slipping away at any moment.

Yeah, I don't wanna fall asleep, I don't wanna pass away. I been thinking of our future 'cause I'll never see those days.

He was 24, and she was 25. They had already planned a life together. They had steady jobs, an intense and passionate love, names picked out for future children, dinner at his parents house every Sunday, lunch with her parents every Wednesday.

He just knew that he had done something to deserve such a fate. At first he was angry, terrified of the possibility of his soul leaving this earth, but as time went on, his self-deprivation grew. Apparently it was common for people in his situation. The fear of dying was clouded by a justification that this was meant to be. He had done something terrible in a past life, and karma was giving him the painful ending he deserved... but he despised the thought, because Y/N didn’t deserve to watch her boyfriend meet his end in this way.

He had thought of near every scenario in his life in which he hurt somebody - cheating on his girlfriend in his first year of college, letting Y/N down time after time, only for her to forgive him. The hurt he caused his parents when he was a teenager and full of such hate for the world. But now, all he could do was pray for forgiveness. He had hope that there was some way he could make it out of this, but he was losing hope rapidly.

Even as he sat with his love on their bed, watching re-runs of How I Met Your Mother, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander.

“When I’m gone,” his voice was croaky, his throat dry and scratchy. “Please tell me you will find somebody else.” He fumbled around to grab her hand, winching as he caught her head snapping towards his in his peripheral vision. He couldn’t turn to see the expression on her face. “You’re so young, so full of life. Your life is going to be so beautiful.”

Her hand was pulled from his, and he steeled what was left of his nerves to get ready for whatever tongue lashing she had planned, but instead he felt the bed dip further beside him, her hands framing his sullen face on each side and softly turning his gaze to meet her own.

“Don’t you say things like that, Tom.” He forced his eyes to stare into her own. His eyes seemed as if they were always ready to release tears, and the intensity of the hurt in her own made his pool unconsciously. “There is no somebody else when the other half of my soul is already with me. I don’t need anybody else because you’re not going anywhere.”

Her thumb brushed away the tear that slipped from his chocolate orbs, ignoring the dark circles underneath that made his face seem further sunken than it was.

“You don’t know that,” he sniffed heavily, dropping his eyes down to his lap. His fingers unconsciously toyed with the bracelet she had given him years ago. A soft, black, faux-leather band. An unfit symbol charm dangled close to the strap, reminding him of her favourite line from her favourite book/movie - the perks of being a wallflower. He had gone wuth her when she got the titular floral piece tattooed on her forearm. She was so happy that day. “One day you’re gonna be in a nice house, a ring on your finger, watching your husband dote over your little baby and you will be at peace in the way I know you crave. I just... I know that will never be me, who slips a ring onto your hand, or waits for you at the end of the aisle. I won’t be the one who holds your hand when you meet your baby, or the one who can give you the life you deserve - the one you want.”

His eyes snapped up to meet her own when he heard her breath grow shaky, but the action caused his brain to lose its equilibrium and he had to close his eyes for a moment. He hated doing so. Every time his eyes were shut, it was a moment that he lost of memorizing every line, curve, angle of her body. He opened his eyes again when able, and he was met with her own eyes as red rimmed as his, tears streaming down her beautiful face.

“Don’t you every talk like that, Thomas Stanley. You’re not going anywhere. You’re going to be the one to do all of those things because you’re going to make it and we are going to love each other until the end of our time, together. I’ll fucking Romeo and Juliet this shit if I have to,” her dark joke was met with a wet laugh from them both, before her face melted back into seriousness. “I’m never gonna need another person, Tommy. I have you, and I will have you forever.”

“You make every day a blessing, my love.” He whispered, his lips ghosting over hers as he gathered the strength in his lead arms to pull her into a hug. “You make hell feel like a summers day, and I cherish every moment I have left with you.”

My life was kinda short, but I got so many blessings. Happy you were mine, it sucks that it's all ending

Their days continued on for another three weeks, the same routine of morning coffee and testing the boundaries of his own fatigue. Three weeks without the dreaded conversation arising again, until she woke to find him staring into the ceiling with such an intense and thoughtful gaze. She knew instantly what was on his mind, and she could feel her heart breaking into more little pieces.

“Tommy?” Her melodic tone was soft, snapping him from his nightmarish reprieve. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing honey. Thinking about us... when we were young and full of life,” he snorted into the dark room, Y/N’s soft laugh pushed through her nose and he felt her smile against his neck. “Just, thinking about how sorry I am for all of this. I’m sorry that I’ve turned your life upside down, that we have changed so much.”

He felt weaker. His body was fighting to hold on, and he felt that they both knew that. He was being eaten up from the inside out, but he couldn’t bear to leave. He couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t leave her alone. He needed her, he loved her. He wanted to be her husband and give her everything she wanted in life. He wanted to live, for her.

“I would change everything if it meant I could be here with you,” her voice was heavy, riddled with sleep. Neither of them get much rest anymore. He is always up and down, and she frets too much to sleep through his late night jolts and retches. “You’re worth every minute of every day, Tom. You have nothing to apologize for. It’s not like you chose to have Can-“

“Don’t say it, baby, please?” He pled, silencing her before she could say the word. He hadn’t once uttered it since the day he found out. She had relayed the information to their families, holding his hand the entire time as he sat motionless. “Makes it more real than my emo ramblings.” His laugh was humorless, but he didn’t intend it to be so.

She apologised softly, snuggling closer to him. She knew how much he loved the feel of her body on his, how the intimacy of the comfort made him feel warm. Back when he could handle the weight, she would sometimes wake up curled on top of his chest because he had sought her out in his sleep.

“I would do anything for you, Tommy. I would give up everything I have just to see you smile. You’re the other half of my soul, my infinity.”

He felt a tear slip down his cheek. Her words always had that affect on him, but he loved the way she could send his heart beating with no effort. He loved her. So intensely.

“Sing to me, please?” A request he had let loose so many times before. He adored her voice, and the soft melodies that fell from her lips and lulled him to sleep.

She obliged with a smile on her face, and let the words tumble into his pale skin.

“If I could save time in a bottle, the first thing that I’d like to do...”

Soon you'll be alone, sorry that you have to lose me

Two more months passed. His doctors were satisfied, stating that he was slowly improving. His body was beginning to regain strength. He had begun to grow more hopeful, slowly but surely.

Until there was no chance for hope left.

Y/N made his morning coffee, but when she went to rest it on his bedside, he could barely breathe.

Her fingers dialed emergency services faster than she thought possible, her voice cracking as she sung to him over and over, hands cradling his head in her lap as he whispered his love for her.

The coffee went cold as the red and blue lights approached.

Don't stay awake for too long, don't go to bed. I'll make a cup of coffee for your head. It'll get you up and going out of bed

Tag list: @starshonerose @snookiebrookie @another-lonely-heart @mantlereid

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[kaminohana]

the meme man full analysis

Yeehaw here we go. Analysis of Mikoto Kayano’s video and song, along with some theories about the many themes and symbols in the video. Note: If there’s any other supplemental material for him out there, I haven’t read it. This is just an analysis with the music video we were given. If I happen to miss stuff that was mentioned before, I may talk about it in another post lmao

I was SUPER invested in this video as I watched it and soon realized “Oh shit, I think Mikoto’s plural”. Cuz, you know, I’m plural too (not disclosing what kind) and it felt SO good to see some actual parallels to stuff I go through- though of course not to Mikoto’s degree.

That said, I feel I should make a disclaimer in passing: yes, portraying your only plural character as homicidal ain’t the best representation. But, you know, we’ve seen other cases like that in Milgram so I’m just gonna leave it at that. Personally, I’m not that offended because the execution is SO top-notch. Though, hey, I totally understand how this can be very frustrating to other systems to see plurality depicted in such an unhealthy light- if it’s not for you, it’s not for you.

Keep in mind the point of the Milgram series is to make you uncomfortable in so quickly incriminating someone; if you’re hesitating to determine someone as guilty, hey, that’s probably intended and good! It’s about personal decision, so I’m not going to judge you one way or the other in voting. I just find it fascinating how these videos can put us in such conflict. This is all just my own perspective, BTW, so if you disagree with some of these points, good! I’m just hoping to share my thoughts since I can make a lot of connections. I’m by no means an expert in plurality or tarot, I just have some background in both and decided to try my hand at this analysis, so I really don’t the final say on what’s going on in the video.

Now, onto the actual video analysis.

I’m sticking with the basic idea that Mikoto is split into two parts; his more loveable, gentler side, which I referred to in another post as Softboy Mikoto, and the more violent side which may be acting as a catharsis to his frustrations. I referred to this side previously as the Devil alter, as he is depicted with the Devil major arcana tarot card. I can see how this could be taken badly, so for now I’m just going to refer to him as the shadow alter. There are many themes of duality in the video, most commonly with the symbol of the half moon which appears so many times. Shadow of the moon etc etc. I’ll be bringing this up several times as I analyze the lyrics. I’ll be breaking down the lyrics as evidence to support the idea that Mikoto is plural, and to show how softboy Mikoto (and shadow alter Mikoto) view this particular relationship and how this culminates in murder. Sometimes I refer to Mikoto (as a whole), softboy Mikoto, or shadow alter Mikoto depending on what I’m trying to describe in the below.

First piece: the title. MeMe. Me x2. A dead giveaway, like Umbilical. Also, it can be a meme, which is interesting taking the definition of the word meme in this context: “an element of a culture or system of behavior passed from one individual to another by imitation or other nongenetic means” (Oxford Dictionaries).  HMMMM. I know memes are generally within the context of a community, but I think it’s interesting to actually apply this to Mikoto. What exactly is being passed on? Could we argue that Mikoto’s frustrations from one of his parts is being passed on to the other? Interesting to think about, though it may not be relevant.

Going into the lyrics:

So from here I’m guessing there was a point in Mikoto’s life where his plurality was not an issue; or, potentially, there was a time before his split. These were the good times.

Playing dead vs. being alive – representing duality. May refer to how, when one side has their way, the other is locked away in the headspace with no control, thus feeling like being dead. In the context of “if only”, perhaps he’s wishing that he just didn’t do anything if only to prevent things from getting this far.

“If” I could end- I believe Mikoto (particularly softboy Mikoto) is saying “Hey, I have no control over my other side. If I did, would things still be the same? Would I still be ‘letting’ this happen?”

“Keep it” and “hide it away” I feel like are both representative of his shadow alter and of the desires that alter represents. Many words related to destruction are tied to this alter, so it could be seen as Mikoto trying to hide those urges as well.

“’I’ will save ‘me’”- this is a very interesting line that I think very well encapsulates the shadow alter’s initial motives; he’s saying “hey, I’m going to take care of us,” I believe to try and convince softboy Mikoto to let him out. As far as if softboy Mikoto can actually “let” him out is TOTALLY up for debate.

Part of the reason I refer to the other alter as softboy Mikoto is because there are softer words I notice used by him in the song; here’s I’m seeing “snuggle”, so I think this side of him is more vulnerable and soft.

SWITCH, shake up that brain- wow couldn’t be any more obvious here

This is where the chorus starts. This I think is from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, PARTICULARLY when he’s trapped in the headspace. There are many forms of plurality IRL in which alters cannot simultaneously front, so one or more are “pushed” back into the headspace. This very act occurs several times throughout the song in the weird minimalist vaporwave shadow realm room, where the tarot cards are. During this time, we can assume that is when the shadow alter is fronting. Softboy Mikoto slowly starts to become more helpless and fearful in this space as the song goes on, and this is where he makes his celtic cross tarot spread that quite frankly defines the whole song. I discussed that in my other post.

Another facet of plurality that is applied here is amnesia, which is common, especially when alters are pushed back to the headspace. Within the headspace, there may be a lack of awareness to the outside world, which Mikoto seems to express in his confused sentiments like the above (in the video, he is also scratching his head, which as a gesture can represent being confused). “Why am I here?” can act as a double entendre, both referring to “Why have I suddenly been pushed to this headspace?” as well as the whole point of Milgram- “Why am I in prison?”. He may not be aware of exactly what he did, hence why he feels it’s a mistake. He may be experiencing amnesia of what his shadow alter is doing, so he doesn’t even know what crime he committed. However, he at least has enough awareness to tell someone else is present in his body doing things, so he begs the viewer “Hey, just watch whatever my body is doing and it’ll all eventually make sense. I don’t have access to this information, but you do.” I thought this was an interesting fourth wall break.

The truth revealing itself could also be the truth coming to light from the particular tarot reading he does in the headspace; note that the cards only seem to be appear in this place and not in the outside world. So softboy Mikoto is trying to figure out what’s going on this way. If he can’t figure it out himself, maybe the cards can give him some direction.

Another duality- “I won’t forgive you if you reveal the truth” vs. “However I know I’m right when I say I’m innocent”. Or he could be right about something else.

I’m wondering if the breaking here is just reflecting the shadow alter or is softboy Mikoto actually wishing he could end the shadow alter. He at least wants things to change; the way things are right now is not something he’s okay with. Though, it sounds like he isn’t getting help with this and has no idea if he can even arrest full control again. It seems at this point, this has been going on for a while so he’s stopped trying.

In the video, the shadow alter is doing a GREAT job hiding the evidence; while of course probably just trying to not get caught, the shadow alter may also be trying to hide his crime from softboy Mikoto so he’s none the wiser.

He’s hoping he can be rid of the shadow alter side, but I think he also is dumping all his difficult feelings onto the shadow alter. Maybe he feels its some sort of release, even if he can’t control it, so he feels a lot of guilt over the shadow alter’s existence, even though that alter is serving a purpose as a conduit for those emotions.

I really really think though that there IS some connection between softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto. Maybe they are both truly aware of each other, hence the scene where they are viewing each other through the mirror. I think here, softboy Mikoto might be admitting that it feels good to let the shadow alter out, like a hug. The “minus energy” probably refers to the shadow alter.

“Maybe it’s okay that we’re separated like this?” he wonders. There seems to be a sense of feeling alive at least that is conveyed through the shadow alter.

SPLIT IN HALF- yeah, again, pretty encompassing.

In the video, I think this is when we have a switch, as Mikoto’s expression changes in the outside world mirror.

The chorus again, softboy Mikoto is shoved into the vaporwave shadow realm headspace. He’s asking the audience to investigate him here, but I also like to joke that he’s like “uwu look at me I could never harm anybody, pwease let me out”, which may be true only so far as softboy Mikoto is out.

I wonder if in “I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me” is directed at the shadow alter instead of the audience? Like softboy Mikoto is saying “I swear to god if you murdered someone im gonna be so pissed, but I also already kinda know it’s happening.” Just another take.

In the video, softboy Mikoto is THROWN into the headspace, where he is gifted with just one hint of what’s going on: The Devil tarot card.

You DARE accuse Miette of murder? Oh! 1000 years jail for Milgram viewer!

Now the vaporwave space starts to turn into a bloody mess; perhaps now softboy Mikoto is starting to put two and two together.

“Hurting it, holding it down, it doesn’t change anything, does it”- I definitely understand this being plural, like if your alters are causing problems, you may try and chastise them, or you may try and lock them away deep inside, but that often doesn’t stop them from existing. It’s really cool how that idea is present here. Like YES that’s how it is quite often. So even if softboy Mikoto TRIES to smother or accuse his shadow alter, that’s not going to change anything.

It being the same anywhere he goes makes me think he’s been putting up with this for a long time, that it’s not about what environment he’s in because his shadow alter is with him everywhere he goes.

“It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong”- may be referring to multiple things:

-the shadow alter having a different morality (hence why murder is okay for him, his indulgence in smokes and…redbull/alcohol, etc)

-OR, how softboy Mikoto’s amnesia isn’t letting him understand the full picture so everything is okay when he’s out fronting (shadow alter cleaned the place up and stuff, perhaps hiding all evidence of murder)

-“I’m already the fake one”- a very common sentiment for plural folks, worrying if you as an alter aren’t “the original” or if you’re not actually split and it’s something you’re making up, etc. I think softboy Mikoto is having these feelings. Poor boy, wish we could get you some therapy instead :/ (all of Milgram would be very different if only most of these people could get therapy, let’s be honest)

Now, what’s special here is that BOTH alters are in the headpace, with shadow alter Mikoto looming ominously behind softboy Mikoto.

During this next instrumental, just a side note: we see what’s going on through security footage. The security cameras reflecting a third person perspective is kind of neat in context of pluralism, where someone else fronting can feel like a third person awareness to another alter. I may be thinking too much into this one, but it’s a fun connection.

Another thing many plural folk go through: DISSOCIATION FROM REALITY. Ah yes, my good friend dissociation. Especially like in Mikoto’s case, where the consequences of being split have drastic consequences, he could be running away from the truth which may always be partially concealed to him. Something’s VERY wrong, he knows this for sure, and it may be at this point he really realizes “Oh shit. I just committed murder.” But instead of taking responsibility in any way, he’s trying to imagine that it’s a fabricated reality. I’m not going to say if this makes him bad or not, but it is a known coping mechanism.

I know I mention that the bad habits of smoking and drinking may be the shadow alters habits, but they could also be softboy Mikoto’s own methods of escapism, which definitely fits with the above lyrics. “I need to wake up soon”- but he still realizes that he’s going to have to face the harsh truth of reality soon.

Now this point indicates a marked change in softboy Mikoto and shadow alter Mikoto’s relationship: I believe there may be a time when softboy Mikoto expects to come back out to the front, but now the shadow alter is starting to take over fully and keep softboy Mikoto locked inside. This is supported by the Outcome card in his celtic cross spread being The Devil. Not only does this card have its own meanings, but here it may mean that the more violent side of him takes over.

Again, don’t know if he’s talking to the audience or his shadow alter in never forgiving this outcome. I believe softboy Mikoto does have a clearer morality in that murder is NOT okay, and if he were to fully acknowledge that he as a whole was capable of that, I think he’d break down. So he’s like “it better NOT be true” because he doesn’t know how he’d be able to deal with that.

Interesting in the video is when Mikoto snaps and the headspace turns red again; I would think this is when the shadow alter is entering the scene and taking over. The snap here is symbolic of the switch.

Now presumably softboy Mikoto is like “PWEASE WET ME OUT MISTEW OBAMA”, which, again with the double meaning, can refer to letting him out of the vaporwave shadow realm headspace OR letting him out of prison. Both apply.

“That it’s a lie

That I’m right”- a nice duality here. Mikoto is having difficulty separating the truth from reality.

Also NOW he is forgiving. Forgiveness vs not forgiveness (grudge)

I think it’s gotten so bad that he’s like “okay fine. Fine if I committed murder, fine if you’re accusing me of murder, but please help me understand what’s going on. Let me out”. Maybe he’ll forgive the shadow alter if only he fesses up to the murder.

Of note for the scene however is that shadow alter Mikoto is holding up The Fool card, which represents softboy Mikoto in this case. “I’m right” may be the shadow alter’s sentiment.

-THE CARDS AT THE END-

Then, all the cards show up in more detail, all depicting weapons instead of the standard minor arcana that you might see in your standard Rider Waite tarot deck (which these are based off of). The Wands are baseball bats, the Swords are kitchen knives, the Cups are…poison cans? Acid? The Pentacles are….records but I can see these being rotary saws if you squint. The Wheel of Fortune has car wheels with a snake….GTA time baby (the snake being hidden danger, the devil’s temptation, etc). The chariot is a really weird motorcycle death machine. I was thinking how like, people would drag people along behind them while driving a vehicle as a method of torture so there is that.

Now we see some cards not in the original spread- I think this represents shadow alter Mikoto inserting himself into the headspace and changing things to fit his goals. We see a couple placed in the original spread, but some don’t and are just free-floating, but you’ll see below we have enough context to decipher their meaning.

First, it’s the Page of Pentacles, which has taken over the position of the 7 of swords as the current challenge affecting the issue. This card indicates “Manifestation, financial opportunity, skill development”. I think this means the shadow alter is finally learning to take full control.

Then we see the reverse 2 of swords, which represents “Indecision, confusion, information overload, stalemate”. This could probably represent softboy Mikoto not suddenly understanding why the shadow alter is ALSO in the headspace. Maybe his dual presence in the outside world AND the headspace is indicative of exactly when he learned to take full control. This was NOT in Mikoto’s original spread.

Wheel of Fortune again, which was in the original spread. “Bad luck, negative external forces, out of control”. Yup, that confirms it.

Next, the Five of Swords from the original spread comes up. “Conflict, tension, loss.png, defeat, win at all costs, betrayal”. Softboy Mikoto is now being completely taken over. There is a facedown card on the chair. This might be the one that reads as Death later, so it may be that softboy Mikoto is…KILLED OFF?

Cup of Ace, “Love, compassion, creativity, overwhelming emotion”. I think this one is also meant to represent softboy Mikoto, but it could be that the shadow alter sees it as an act of mercy to take full control for softboy Mikoto. Maybe he feels his alter can’t handle reality and he’s going to take over full time. Or more likely he just has ulterior motives.

Reverse King of Cups. “emotional manipulation, moodiness, volatility”. Softboy Mikoto was lead along, thinking it was okay to leave things to the shadow alter or to exist alongside him. Now we see that isn’t a viable solution.

Reverse Five of Wands. “conflict avoidance, diversity, agreeing to disagree”.  I went over this more in the other post.

Chariot is the last one, WHICH ALSO WAS NOT IN THE ORIGINAL SPREAD. “Control, willpower, success, action, determination”. The shadow alter Mikoto has taken full control. Which is very quickly followed by…

Shadow alter Mikoto drawing Death. Also not in the original spread. Perhaps effectively “killing off” softboy Mikoto and betraying him.

Concluding Thoughts.

Now, I understand I do take most of these lyrics from softboy Mikoto’s perspective, but I’m sure there’s a layer of deception added on by his shadow alter. The Challenge card of the 7 of swords did represent betrayal. So softboy Mikoto’s only context into what’s going on outside may be his headspace tarot reading. If you want to question some of the lyrics, or even think one of the alters is lying, that would add SO much to the complexity of the situation, and I wouldn’t put it past the Milgram team to add something like that.

Common Themes/Symbols:

The mirror, both in the headspace and in the outside world bathroom

The Hanged Man- in a painting in the headspace and on Mikoto’s shirt. Indicative of being wrongly accused or martyred. Softboy Mikoto is likely represented with this, as well as The Fool. The Fool painting probably is there to show that he doesn’t know any better, that he is without the knowledge of what his shadow alter is doing (or doesn’t believe he’s doing anything wrong)

The Half Moon- a light side and a dark side. Pretty self-explanatory. Symbolically, it can also represent life and death. NICE.

Sorry if the conclusions end up being kind of vague. That’s the way a lot of this video is; what’s really going on, as it usually is, is up to viewer interpretation at this stage. I was just hoping to provide a bit of context into the images in the video, plural life, and narrator interpretation. I just really love this video and after this full analysis hope others can at least appreciate the work that went into it.