#just saying i saw this on tiktok and i screamed
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i hate you "influencers", i hate you tiktok, i hate you "content creators", i hate you "unalive" and "s€x" and "dr/ügs", i hate you instagram, i hate you consumerism, i hate you family friendly, i hate you puritans, i hate you facebook, i hate you family vloggers, i hate you violating other people's privacy, i hate you modern day social media
#sjonnie.text#i just saw someone make a 50 SECONDS reel about combining movie genres and movies and it was scream and romance and it was 50 SECONDS and#they said “i'm sorry i unalived all those people” go actually fuck yourself.#IF YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD MURDER KILL DRUGS SEX ETC YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THOSE TOPICS#AND SHOULD NOT PRODUCE CONTENT OF IT#i hate this “family friendly” aesthetic jesus fucking christ#text post#anti instagram#anti tiktok#anti influencers#anti capitalism#20k
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not my art but I can relate to this TikTok
Art by @ampreh
#just saying i saw this on tiktok and i screamed#like same same SAME#HI THIS COULD BE ME HI#AND THE REJECTION IS SPOT ON TOO#love seeing him in a popular tiktok
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and if i said the mtt reminded me of these three idols then would i get tarred and feathered
#YES!!!! anyways when will someone draw them all in straitjackets istg#ive been on a bit of a new artist roll today. just discovered akali. and then checked out these 3#ikigusare idols i knew you 3 were mtt from the moment i saw you no doubt. a shame sango is green instead of purple#anyways mtt connection i like how niigo's left eye is the same eye that flickers killer's sans part ish eye#but like the eye is literally sewn and kept open forcefully. like hey sans part of killer you gotta b part of this 2! no looking away!#was thinking the 3rd eye on sango could be like papyrus. like 2/3 of the head is dust and 1/3 is paps#took seeing his brother to whole different level!#horror's is obvious his eye's just 1 because he's got his whole 1 eye symbolism#mtt but they all have body disformations and its all related to their eyes somehow#can just imagine like...... killer's left eyesocket bashed open and the eye floating in there while the dt goop constantly flows out of it#ikigusare idols all have the same voice and#the mtt would.... as well..... bc theyre all yhe same guy#these idols dont have canon lore im like 80% sur i can make as many crazy mtt connections to them as i possibly can#their music is so like. just a LITTLE bit off. like obviously the voices but just like the notes are just SLIGHTLY off and its so duchahahhh#im not gonna listen to them regularly bc it not my thing but hahahaha mtt........ mtt reference#my english notes have mtt references in them. my friend makes mtt references now because of me#i squeeze my shampoo into my hand in a sparkle star heart shape because of the mtt#it was 4:30 in the morning today and i saw a tiktok comment mentioning the mtt and i tried not yo scream#yk i think ive convinced myself that im not as deranged as i really am about these 3 but lime........ erm what the murder this is freaky!#someone said in a gc that they auditions for acapella and wondered if they got in#this is so mean but my first verbal reaction was literally hell no💀 its SO MEAN#theyre rubbing off on me help. i cant just say it was all the mtt's fault when i'm a goddamn asshole#NO OFFICER I SWEAR IT WAS THE SKELETONS THE THREE SKELETONS THEY POSSESSED ME TO SHOOT THE#yeah....... lets not continue down that path (i say as i made several 9/11 jokes today unprompted)#god typing out tags with silly comments like these are so satisfying :3 always forget how much i luuuuv thumblr#DAMN my typing style has changed a LOT from what i remember. in just a couple of months ive evolved#tricule rant
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You know how queer ppl keep saying that the online queer community isn't representative of the offline community and that you should go to irl meet-ups? That also goes for the autism community.
Example: I've seen multiple people who are under the impression that media-type special interests are overrepresented or more accepted in the autism community. That's not true. The people who participate in the online community (esp. the fan community) on Tiktok, Tumblr, and Twitter are mostly nerdy young millenials/gen z/gen x, and not representative of the wider autistic population. Go to any autism meet-up and you'll quickly learn that a) 'what is your special interest?' is not a question ppl ask, so whether you do or don't know what someone's special interest is depends on how preoccupied they are with it, and b) most people don't have media-focused (special) interests, and if they do, it's certainly not limited to kids cartoons.
I know that not everyone can go to autism meet-ups irl, and I don't want to pretend that irl autism meet-ups are some sort of safe haven full of people with Advanced Autism Knowledge and Progressive Politics. But like. That's the point? Interact with some 80-year-old who's been diagnosed for 20 years and doesn't know the modern terms for anything and who thinks vaccines cause autism despite being autistic themself and maybe you'll calm down.
#Like no offense but some of the takes I see on here just scream#'I've only ever interacted with the online autism community'#Saw someone saying 'tiktok' autism is destigmatized and an example of that was flapping hands#Buddy. Pal. You are living in a bubble. A not insignificant amount of autistic ppl dont even know what stimming is#And on that note. Discrimination specifically against high support autistic ppl and autistic ppl with intellectual disabilities#Is even worse irl. Actually.#Precisely BECAUSE irl autism meet ups often ward those ppl so many autistic ppl of different support levels dont mingle#Again. Im not saying the irl autistic community is BETTER#Im saying its DIFFERENT and if u only interact with tiktok twitter and tumblr autistic communities u just#Arent getting an accurate representation of the wider autism community#My posts#Actuallyautistic
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daily reminder to NEVER FUCKING POST PHOTOS NEXT TO YOUR HOUSE
#god some of y’all have NO self-preservation when it comes to online privacy#even your first name can be a risk. people can and WILL find everything they can about you so make sure you protect yourself#for the love of god delete accounts you don’t use anymore#don’t put your face where you say dumb shit you may later regret. i saw a tiktok of one of my friends jokingly saying kys about discourse#THAT SHIT WILL NOT FLY IN 10 YEARS. not to sound like a gen xer BUT IT WILL HAUNT YOU#never give out your insta to people you meet online if it has your face and location#please please please do not tie your art to both your irl and your online self unless you are prepared to face it in 10 years#don’t put your last name anywhere. if you need to give one use one of a relative. preferably one that’s common#my last name is ridiculously rare so you’ll never see me post about it#don’t fucking put your name anywhere online if you’re a registered voter in the us because YOUR ADDRESS IS PUBLIC#your BIRTH RECORDS ARE PUBLIC. your MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE RECORDS ARE PUBLIC#if you can find anything remotely incriminating on whitepages just do a full wipe of your socials and start again#i’m begging y’all please be careful. and if you ARE planning to meet someone you know online#make sure you always have as much if not more info about them as they do about you#i know it sounds shitty but always have some kind of leverage because situations like that can go bad fast#also be careful of which irls you talk about to online people because you don’t want to put them at risk accidentally#i’m screaming from the rooftops THIS GENERATION HAS NO STANDARD OF PRIVACY. it’s fucking terrifying#michi.txt
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i so very often see people making judgements that are fairly neutral in nature like i dont know how to say "you have this hot reaction to that person bc you have something in your brain that makes you hostile to people / a kind of person youre unfamiliar with which can very easily lead you down a path of darkness" in a way that will make people be like damn maybe i wont leave this tiktok comment
#i think in the age of the internet we're in now we really need to hammer in more than ever that like. even the small things like leaving#comments on a tiktok should be like considered#like think am i contributing something funny or interesting or am i just saying something fucked up about a minority#and literally the thing im talking about is someone saying they seen an amish person at a gas station and screamed#like amish people are not who u would consider a minority generally but its more like. you literally saw someone from a culture#youre unfamiliar with and had an obnoxious public reaction like thats not a normal way to interact w someone different from you#shit is bananas#talkin.555
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saw poor man’s poison in an aventurine playlist……………..
#i love you poor man’s poison.#i love you aventurine.#screaming crying throwing up#saw someone saying providence by poor man’s poison is kaz soc coded……………….#i see it.#hell’s comin’ with me is really good but…#i wish people would listen to more than just the ones that got popular on tiktok#need to fix my aventurine playlist it’s kinda fucked up rn because i made it before 2.0#i should rly write something for aventurine tbh
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I'm gonna go on a bit of a rant here (again) (this is gonna be a bit over the place, I'm awful at actually putting my brain down lol)
While I'm a fan of power scaling and 'who would win's?', one thing I really, really hate is when superman is brought into the question, or Batman as well.
Why I hate it is because how boring they are in these. Superman immediately wins, Batman immediately wins because 'prep time' or because 'it's superman.'
And I get it, Superman is literally 'That Guy' for DC, I do. But because of how overpowered he is, and because of dudebros, it immediately makes any fight with him so fucking boring because he won't struggle. He won't have to make an effort, he'll just one shot them blah blah blah.
It's why so many people don't like Superman, because he's been portrayed as a god, unfeeling and simply a tool for people to say, 'he sweeps' without explaining why or how he wins, which would at least make it a bit interesting. When Clark is written well, I;E as someone who actually has emotions, people get surprised because of how deeply their characters have been butchered.
(Batman using guns and abusing his kids, Superman seeing himself as above humanity. These two get their characters massacred the worst out of everyone and it sucks.)
What makes fights between powerful characters entertaining and fun is HOW they fight each other.
How do they counter attacks? How do they injure each other? How do they dodge each other's attacks? How do they use their surroundings and terrain, their intelligence and tools? That's what makes it interesting.
To just summarize a fight with "oh he just flicks a finger and the other guy explodes that's it" like. No. That's not an interesting fight, a shameful way of writing a fight.
It's why I avoid anything regarding battles between Supes or Hulk, of Saitama, or Goku, not just because the comments will be utterly insufferable, but because I know it's going to bore me out of my mind. Especially when they act like the other character isn't powerful, and is just some weakling.
With Batman, I hate Batgod.
Batman is a human. Peak human, incredibly intelligent and a damn invaluable fighter, but still human. I hate it, when people just say he wins bc 'prep time', especially if he's fighting a powerful character for the first time, you can't prepare for the first encounter that happens in a death battle.
I like seeing characters struggle during battles, I like it when they put effort in. I like it when they have weaknesses and aren't just a flat character of 'oh he's unbeatable' with no other defining features.
The best stories with them are when they're struggling, mentally or physically, when they have to test their beliefs and their physicality.
TLDR: learn how to write creative fight scenes using elements from their characters and not just how hard they can punch for the love of fucking god if this keeps happening I'm going to shoot every fight scene creator istf-
#a rant#i know some people are gonna scream at me but udc#badly written overpowered characters suck more than any kind of characterization#i hate it so much i swear#but also both MCU and DC sweep BNHA#like. Deku with OFA user powers is basically a knock off Spider-Man come at me#I saw someone try to argue that BNHA wouldn't be swept by the thing alone#and they said Shinso coukd defeat him and I was like.uh. NO.#no hate to the purple haired eyebags but he isn't making the top 100 of telepaths and mental fuckerers#bfr#Venom would sweep BNHA#All Might and Deku are not impressive by marvel and DC standards I'm not sorry#this turned into a rant all on its own#unrelated but#any Spider-Man could sweep Gotham. Just saying. Maybe they'd be affected mentally but physically#they'd sweep like they're the sweeper from Baldi's basics#that has to do with the fact that gotham rouges are human levels and their superhuman ones are like. nada compared.#i saw jt in tiktok a lot and i hate my vouce on camera and i have no idea where to find clips so here i am.
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I don't condone online harassment but if u say delulu shit on the internet ppl are GOING TO call you delulu....
You fucked around. And you found out.
#im not being like... wait what was it called? like talking abt someone without mentioning their name in a passive aggressive way#fuck... anyway u know what i mean#im not doing that#this is abt someone on tiktok whom i do not know and just seen a few of their content here and there#and i just saw them posting a video crying while essentially saying: i did nothing wrong so dont be mean to me if u dont like my content#and i THINK i know what its abt bc i saw one of their vidd on my fyp a couple of days ago and i rolled my eyes so HARD#and later i saw it on twt with qrt calling them (and the stitch) delulu#which it was. delulu.#i didnt go into the other qrts or the comment but i dont think anyone was saying anything that bad abt them#like it wasnt something to send someone death threats abt (not thay ANYTHINY is but u know. it was a dumb thing)#so ppl were just calling them delulu#like. being delulu is fine. scientifically proven to make ur life better#so just accept it and be delulu proudly kdjdkdjdj#and dont come crying abt it#thats embarrassing#ksjfidjd#niki screaming into the void#in case it wasnt clear this is abt kpop#i didnt give detail but if anyone is curious i will kdjdkdkd
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Based on this viral tiktok
Laughter echoed through the barracks as Soap and Gaz had been cracking up all afternoon. It was the day after a heavy mission and the duo decided to relax by making silly tiktok trends, in particular the ‘you ladies alright’ one. The trend had been blowing up on tiktok, making the pair wanting to replicate it around the base.
Gaz was the one knocking and delivering the cheesy line, another soldier threw the ball while Soap filmed the reactions. It was going great—soldiers were either laughing, rolling their eyes, or playing along with them.
They were near the end of the hall when they reached your door. Gaz hesitated for just a split second hand half raised to knock when he recognized the plate numbers of your door. Shaking away his thoughts Gaz knocked. He was all set to say the line, confident as ever, his hands smoothly catching the ball but then his eyes met your figure.
There you were, looking effortlessly beautiful with nothing but some sweatpants and a oversized black tshirt. He never saw you with civvies on and he swore in that moment he fell impossibly harder for you. For the first time in the entire day, Gaz froze. His cool persona slipped away in an instant as his gaze locked onto yours. His heart skipped a beat, a voice far back in his mind screamed at him to just say his line and not stand there like a moron but Gaz couldn’t say it. He just stood there, his mouth slightly open as he looked at you. All the confidence he’d built up throughout the day vanished.
You blinked at him, a mixture of confusion and amusement playing on your face while your cheeks reddened. Your eyes shifted around noticing Soap with his camera pointed at the scene holding back his laughter. And then it hit you, they were doing that viral tiktok trend. You looked back at Gaz awkwardly holding a ball and couldn’t help but let out an embarrassed laugh. His cheeks mirrored yours in redness as he smiled sheepishly murmuring a small ‘you ladies alright?’.
You shook your head, chuckling, greeting Soap before closing the door.
As they walked down the hallway Soap nudged Gaz with a wide grin stretched across his face “Mate, you’re hopeless.” Gaz rolled his eyes at the scot making him swear to delete the video.
Later that night a notification popped up on Gaz’s phone, illuminating his face.
TaskForce 141
“Soap🫧sent a video”
Soap🫧: “Got our loverboy blushing in 4k”
a/n: My first time writing for the Call of Duty fandom I’m scared even though I’ve been in the fandom for years. let’s pretend I know how the military works and they have these silly little moments around base shhh. Also idk if anyone has already done this scenario so sorry in advance!!
#.rira’s posting ౨ৎ ⋆#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#kyle gaz garrick#kyle gaz garrick x reader#kyle gaz x reader#gaz x reader#johnny soap mactavish#simon ghost riley#captain john price#cod x reader#tf 141 x reader#cod fanfic#cod mw2#cod mw3#task force 141#tf 141#tf 141 headcanons
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Just Like His Father
Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x reader
Warnings: none, pure fluff, I actually saw this on tiktok and thought it'd be cute to make sth out of it
You were in the kitchen finishing making dinner when your husband returned from a business meeting.
"Hey, love" Lewis greeted you as he entered the kitchen.
"Hey, baby" You smiled as he stood behind you and wrapped his arms around you leaving a kiss on your cheek. "You tired?"
"No, but I am starving." He sighed. "What's for dinner?"
"Curry chicken and rice. It'll be ready in a minute, you can sit at the table"
"Oh, yes, please.." He groaned. "Where's Marlo?"
"He should be in his room doing his homework. The young gentleman didn't have lunch today so he has to eat dinner" You chuckled remembering the talk you had with your son earlier today. Marlo was 5 years old and in preschool. He was the smartest, most lovable, but also unintentionally the funniest kid ever.
"Marlo, daddy's home!" You shouted. "Wash your hands and come sit at the table"
"Why were you laughing when you said he didn't have lunch today?" Lewis asked curiously.
"Oh you just wait till you hear it from him" You giggled taking the dish and walking with it over to the table.
When Marlo washed his hands, he ran into the kitchen extending his arms towards Lewis. "Daddy!" He screamed with joy seeing him.
"Buddy" Lewis softened, picking him up in his arms and hugging him tightly. "I missed you. Did you have a good day at school?" He asked.
"Yup" Marlo nodded.
"Tell daddy what happened at school today" You said trying to refrain from laughing so that Marlo doesn't think you're making fun of him.
"What happened at school?" Lewis was still confused. "Did someone mess with you? Did someone touch you? Y/n?" He was already visibly upset and paternal protective instincts kicked in within seconds.
"No, no-"
"Mom did.." Marlo blurted out and his gaze shifted to you. “Mom messed with me..”
"What do you mean?"
"Marlo, did you eat your lunch at school today?" You asked crossing your arms and leaning your elbows onto the table waiting for his response.
"I didn't actually" He said turning to Lewis.
"And why is that?" Lewis asked.
"Because my girlfriend was sat right across from me and you put a note that said I love you babe" Marlo explained pointing his finger at you.
Lewis paused for a second, blinking a couple of times before bursting into laughter. "Your girlfriend, buddy? You have a girlfriend?"
"I'm not sure if I still have one after today" He sighed.
"Oh, your girlfriend didn't like mom's note?"
"No! She got mad!"
You chuckled again remembering how upset he was about it earlier today when he first told you the story. You felt bad for him, but you couldn't help but laugh at the kid stuff that was concerning him.
"And what did you do after that?" Lewis listened intently as you put food on the plates for both of them.
"Nothing, I explained to her that she's married to my dad and I said that my dad is Lewis Hamilton."
"You hear how beautifully he emphasized that my husband is none other than Lewis Hamilton" You joked as Lewis held his head laughing.
"What? I didn't say anything wrong?" Marlo shrugged his shoulders. Love problems were clearly too much for the young man.
"Baby, no girl will ever love you as much as your mom loves you, remember that." You stood up from your chair and walked over to him placing his small face between your hands and kissing his forehead.
"Well, she doesn't have to know that!" Marlo defended.
"Okay, okay. No more notes in lunch boxes just so that your girlfriend doesn't feel like I'm a threat to her apparently" You playfully rolled your eyes going back to your seat. "Now, please start eating your dinner"
"But I still don't understand, regardless of the note, why didn't you eat your lunch?" Lewis asked him.
"Because I wanted to prove her how much I loved her." He sighed before continuing "Dad once told me how he proves his love for you by eating everything you cook even though sometimes he may not like it, but he eats everything because he loves you. I just did the opposite."
Your and Lewis' hearts melted when you hear him say it. You were so proud of your little boy who was too young to know what love was but he learned it so well from his daddy. you knew that one day he would make some girl the happiest girl in the world, just like his father made you and continues to do so day after day.
After dinner was over, both you and Lewis wanted to get Marlo ready for bed. After you gave him a shower and Lewis helped him brush his teeth, you read him a bedtime story and cuddled him before saying goodnight. You also made pinky promises that there would be no more "embarrassing" notes from mom in the lunchbox, and that Marlo would eat his lunch every day.
After that you and Lewis decided to relax on the couch in front of the TV in each other's arms.
"If one day we have a daughter and she comes to me at the age of 5 and says she has a boyfriend, I swear, I will lose my mind" Lewis said jokingly even though you knew he meant it.
"Yeah, we'll homeschool her so she doesn't have any contact with the boys" You said sarcastically rolling your eyes at him.
"Exactly! That's a great idea actually!" He seemed to love it of course.
"Oh stop it!"
"As you told our son today, so I will tell our daughter, no man in her life will ever love her more than me. That's a fact. I already love her."
"Baby, we don't even have a daughter...yet"
"Then I better get to work, no?" He smirked rolling you over and nuzzling his head into your neck making you giggle.
"Well, you better, Lewis Hamilton."
#lewis hamilton x reader#lewis hamilton smut#lewis hamilton imagine#lewis hamilton fanfic#lewis hamilton#lewis hamilton x you#lewis hamilton fluff#f1 smut#f1 one shot#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#f1#f1 imagine#f1 blurb#f1 fluff#f1 x reader
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i hate saying this bc i know some people are 100% gonna hate me for this but it is kinda crazy how much they have changed over the years, i recently started rewatching their old videos all over again and they don’t even sound like the same people. they used to be so authentic and homemade and unlike any other youtuber, and i get it people change over time and you can’t stop that of course but they have DRASTICALLY changed. nick was so sweet and loving and cared about all his fans and now he js screams at us and is kinda mean tbh and i understand it’s all for the video and he doesn’t mean anything he says but years ago he would thank us every video and he was just so happy and kind, i don’t think chris has barely changed he’s still the sweetest and silliest out of the three and isn’t really that rude to anyone, but when chris is pissed he is really pissed like he will not hold back, like in that one stream when he was angry the whole time and told matt to euthanise nick, but matts definitely changed the most, he went from being a shy introvert which was still really loud and funny when he wanted to be, to lowk being a obnoxious extrovert, he isn’t really the quiet sweet cute matt anymore and that’s fine i understand growing up but just because you’ve matured doesn’t mean you can’t still be nice, and he obviously does have his moments when he’s kind and loving still but most of the time he’s screaming and calling everyone annoying. lowk if old fetus matt saw himself rn as like a different person i dont think he would like him or want to be friends w him, all he tries to do now is just be nonchalant and mysterious like babe your still the same person who used to kiss the camera goodbye. sometimes i genuinely struggle to watch the videos because of all the arguing and shouting and i get it their brothers, i have siblings i know, but they used to have funny light hearted arguments and now it’s like full out big ass disagreements that make it difficult to watch
also lemme js add about the tiktoks, they used to be so random and funny and just filming randomly and now their all just thirst traps or lip syncing😭😭
one more thing, the way nicks lowk kinda ableist.. the schizophrenic comment, the autism stimming comment, the lack of empathy for people who suffer with epilepsy, etc..
anyway i js wanted to put my thoughts on paper so it isnt trapped in my head. you don’t have to agree with me i just wanted to state my opinion whether you agree or not is your choice !!
love u all
#— lia talks ! ˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚. ݁₊#sturniolo triplets#christopher sturniolo#sturniolo#sturniolo edit#sturniolo fandom#sturniolo fanfic#sturniolo fluff#sturniolo imagine#sturniolo x reader
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let me help
𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫.: after giving birth and getting bored at home, you come back to work. nothing has changed, except the pair of eyes that look at you in a different light in the corner of the room. 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: choi jongho x f!reader 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 4k 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: singlemother!reader, pervy!jongho, needy!reader, dom!jongho 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: milf!reader, breastplay, oral fixation, breastfeeding (LIKE TWO DROPS BEAR WITH ME), dry humping
𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: none? 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: this was so NOT inspired by a crazy reddit post i saw on tiktok lmao, also reader is not necessarily big boobed just imagine whatever u want
𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲.
***
being pregnant is hard. giving birth is harder. raising an actual pocket sized human was supposed to be the hardest. yet there she is, your own child, sleeping in her crib without a single care in the world. it's been weeks since you gave birth now, and you don't know what you're doing right, but this baby might be the calmest baby in the world. almost always asleep, and when awake, laughing her ass off until she tires herself to sleep again.
frankly, you are bored. you were ready for crying, screaming, projectile fluids, messes, and whatnot. however, this child appears to be toying with you. it laughs in your face, almost as if mocking you for having to stay at home. besides sleeping, she eats quite well. your breasts are beginning to feel sensitive, but you're not complaining just yet, in case it gets worse.
"mom, i want to-" you start speaking one day, switching channels on the tv as the baby naps on your chest.
"hush! you're gonna wake her up!" the woman on the other couch whisper-yells at you.
"you did not just say that. she's passed out, look at her!" you gently pat her back, seeking a reaction. but when she only exhales in her sleep, you look at your mother with a raised eyebrow. "see? like a little drunkie."
"fine, fine. whatever. what did you want to say?"
"i want to go back to work."
"absolutely not."
"why not?!"
"you just had a baby!"
"yeah, weeks ago!"
the woman sighs, slapping her hands on her thighs in disbelief. "are you crazy?"
rolling your eyes, you sit up straight, picking the baby up and placing her on the blanket on the couch. she yawns in her sleep, and her small hands reach out to search for anything to grab on for comfort. she finds the ends of your sleeves, squeezing the fabric between her chubby fingers before dozing off again.
"mom, i honestly don't know what to do with myself anymore. i cleaned the house so many times for the past few weeks, as if i committed a crime and am trying to erase all the evidence. i have no desire for any hobbies or sports, i just want to go back to work. could you watch her for a few hours every now and then? it's not like it's every day."
just in time, your father enters the living room. seeing that he has helped himself to a bottle of beer your ex has left in the basement, you can't help but laugh.
"what is it?" he asks, noticing the difference in the energy of the room.
"your daughter wants to go back to work."
"oh, my! congratulati-"
"no! you're not supposed to be on her side." your mother slaps his shoulder, causing him to frown at her and gently push her off with that same shoulder.
"come on, mary. she's gonna die of boredom. besides, i'm sure she can adjust her schedule and shorten her working hours?"
you nod, feeling grateful that at least someone understands you. you don't give your mother a chance to protest, you wouldn't listen to her anyway. your fingers are already dialing the company, notifying them of your return.
***
your makeup and hair station awaits you just like you left it: the silly polaroids still taped on the corners of it, along with random bows and flowers. a small bouquet of fresh flowers awaits you, with an attached note and a baby store gift card.
𝓽𝓸 𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓼𝓽𝔂𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽, 𝔀𝓮 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮 𝔂𝓸𝓾!
𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓯𝓪𝓿𝓸𝓻𝓲𝓽𝓮 𝓬𝓵𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼,
𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓮𝔃
soon after, you are bombarded with hugs and questions, first from the members then the staff.
"wow, i can't believe a whole baby came out of you! that's so weird."
wooyoung earns himself a smack to the back of his head for that, hongjoong and seonghwa looking at him disapprovingly. "you can't say that, you dumbass."
"what? that's incredible! did it hurt?"
"wooyoung, don't be so-"
"oh, it's fine. let him ask." you come to his defense. "it did hurt, like a bitch. my ex had a big head, you figure out the rest."
the rest of the day goes fast, boys enjoying asking you questions and telling you about what you've missed, and you happily answering those questions and praising them for their progress. one person doesn't speak to you, and instead chooses to sit in the corner of the room, scrolling on his phone. jongho has barely looked at you after giving you a hug and congratulating you, opting for silence instead of engaging in the conversation. you don't talk to him, instead giving him peace.
was he angry that you left? especially during an important time, when they grew as a group and needed as much help as possible? after all, you weren't only their stylist, you were there when they needed help, comforting and whatnot. you're probably the only one who knew of their crushes, secret short relationships and struggles. and you've all kept it that way for a long time, and they still trust you. not once have you betrayed their trust, and being older than them, it makes it easier for them to lay all their concerns in you.
you're sad that you weren't there to experience coachella with them, but they made sure to show you picture and videos, even gave you mingi's bucket hat that had an autograph of other coachella performers on it.
"oh, i can't take this." you try declining, shoving the hat back in mingi's hands.
"sure you can. just take it."
after going back and forth with him, you finally give up, taking the hat and placing it on the corner of the mirror, as if it was wearing it. one by one, they are done with their preparations and leave the room. there's still time until the show, yet the screaming outside is so loud one would think the boys went out already. jongho stays sitting on the couch, not giving you any attention. it gives you time to adjust your bra, your sensitive nipples rubbing against the fabric and giving you a hard time. you wish you could just take it off, but with your luck, you would lactate all over the place.
having a sundress on doesn't make it any easier, your flesh painfully starting to poke out of it. not only did you not fix the situation, you also caused them to become swollen and painful. you sigh, defeated. the only thing left to do is finish jongho quickly and go home. maybe your mother was right. what were you thinking, wearing the dress anyway? guess those oversized clothes during your pregnancy grew onto you. before, you wouldn't be caught dead in a hoodie or a simple t-shirt outside of your home.
"jjong?" you call once you prepare the station for him. when he doesn't reply, your raise your head to look at him through the mirror, and find him already staring at you. "jongho?"
he jolts, cheeks painted pink. "yes?"
"will you come over so i can finish you?"
"yeah, sure."
the young man sits in the chair, squirming for the most of the time. everything seems to go smoothly, until you have to get closer to do his eye makeup. just a hint of eyeliner and eyeshadow seems to be taking ages now, with jongho shuffling and blinking for a worrying amount of time.
"jongho, sweetheart, i need you to stay still if you want to be out of here soon."
by the time he listens, the liquid liner has dried off on the brush, and you turn around to reach into the black bottle to reapply it. a sharp pain goes through one of your breasts, causing you to yelp and drop the brush and spill the bottle all over the counter. jongho opens his eyes, then sits up straight, worry painted on his features.
"are you okay?"
"yeah, just- give me a second."
you hold onto your breasts, back turned to him. still in pain, you don't care if he sees what you're doing. all you want is for it to stop.
"does it... hurt?" he asks carefully, peeking at you through the mirror.
you hum, gently squeezing them in hopes to relieve it.
"can i help in any way?"
"no, there's not much you can do. unless you want to be breastfed so my milk ducts get unclogged." you laugh awkwardly, eyes still fixed on the mess you've created on the counter.
when you don't hear any laughing from his side, you turn around, only to find him dead serious. you stutter, embarrassment flooding your cheeks as you realize you can't really joke about these things with them. after all, they are your clients.
"sorry, didn't mean to make you uncomfort-"
"i'll do it."
at that moment, the door opens, san poking his head through. "hey dude, there's like only a handful of snacks left for you, you better hurry up."
"it's fine." jongho replies, as calm as ever.
you still stand there, processing what he said. san shrugs, then the door closes again, and the man in front of you has his full attention on you.
"will that help relieve the pain?"
"i mean- i- i usually just breastfeed my daughter and it goes away. i could try pumping-"
"i'll help." he is persistent, still maintaining a poker face. it makes you lower your gaze, eyes fixed on his hands resting in his lap. he makes it so difficult to read his emotions.
"jongho, you- you can't be saying stuff like that."
you've never stuttered like this in front of anyone. not even your ex husband had you feeling this nervous under his gaze, not at the beginning of your relationship, not at the end. not ever. yet choi jongho looks at you so intensely, making your cheeks hot and your brain a mess.
"let me just finish you off quickly and then i can go home and solve the issue."
the man sits there for a few seconds, biting the inside of his cheek. he looks at your hands, still cupping your breasts, and without a word leaves his chair.
"wait, where are you-"
he locks the door, then tries it a few times to make sure nobody can get in. you stand still, afraid to move or say anything. not until he does something. he seems to take a few moments to think about the situation he has created. he said it so causally. just what was going on in his mind?
is the new state you're in doing something to him? is that why he was refusing to interact with you?
"jongho, just get back in the chair so you can be a free man. come on."
"no. i want to help."
"fine. what, do you want me to just whip out my tits and let you do whatever to them?" you roll your eyes, avoiding to look at him.
you miss the way he smirks, and only look at him once he sits back on the chair in front of you. you yelp, hands flying to his shoulders as he pulls you to sit on his lap. there is more than just wanting to help, you're sure of it now.
his fingers toy with the outline of your sundress, knuckles caressing the swollen flesh along the way. you can't help but shiver, hands still firmly planted on his shoulders.
"sit," he orders quietly, once he notices you're hovering over his lap. when you fail to listen, he pushes you down, right on his hard crotch. "may i?"
you nod, hurriedly, as if he will change his mind if you take too long. you haven't been touched, not even by yourself, for months. ever since your husband left you, right at the beginning of your pregnancy, you were constantly nervous, sick, and whatnot. pleasure was the last thing on your mind. and even though jongho is trying to do a nice thing, your brain cannot help but think of it as a sexual interaction.
which is why you are dripping already, his fingers barely touching you as he unties the little bow that holds the front of the sundress together. he looks at your plain white bra, and both of your realize just how perfect of a choice you made for today. in hooks in the front, and it takes jongho less than a second to unhook it with a single hand.
your swollen breasts now freely spill from the loose fabric, freeing your sensitive and swollen nipples that are begging for release. the dark haired man cups them, gently kneading as if he does that every day. he doesn't squeeze them, and you are thankful that he knows what he is doing. and impressed.
his thumbs swipe over your nipples, and a hiss escapes your mouth.
"hurts?"
you nod, face twisting with pain as he tests the waters and tries various motions on them.
"they're... bigger." he comments.
"yeah... i'm quite sad i don't get to keep them."
he chuckles, and so do you, finally feeling a little relaxed. nothing about your current state should make you relaxed. you should be jumping off that chair, finish his look at go home. not... subconsciously dry hump him.
"you know, i thought my crush on you would go away when you got married. it didn't. i thought it would go away when you got pregnant. it didn't. i thought it would for sure go away when you gave birth. and guess what? it only got worse."
with your jaw dropped, all you can do is stare at him. so there was a hidden motive after all.
"i'm going to put it in my mouth now. is that okay?"
"jongho, none of this is okay." you say, your brain working against your heart. and your pussy.
"it's fine. i'm just helping you. that's all."
"yeah, well, putting my nipple in your mouth isn't what one might consider help- oh!" he swipes his tongue over the hardened nipple, finally making you shut up.
his hand cups your breast, gently squeezing it before he attaches his lips to it. your hands instinctively grab at his hair, almost shoving his head into your chest. he chuckles, enjoying how desperate you are when he hasn't done anything properly yet.
your hips grind on his, and you aren't aware of it until the surface beneath you gets harder and harder. jongho grunts against your chest when you roll your hips properly, and it makes you stop. you try pushing him away, ready to start apologizing over and over again. but jongho simply lets go of your breasts, only to put his hands on your ass and help you roll your hips again.
his lips finally start sucking on the tense bud, causing you to yelp in pain. he squeezes your ass, as a way to comfort you. his tongue swipes over your nipple every now and then between sucking, just to soothe you. one hand cups your breast again, gently squeezing it in hopes that it will help.
this time, he is the one to yelp. you look down, embarrassment flooding your cheeks once again. your fingers have tangled themselves in his dark locks, accidentally pulling a bit harder and causing him pain.
"it's alright," he assures, smiling at you. "should i continue?"
"yes, please."
he wraps his lips around the nipple once again, sucking softly. the sight has your panties drenched; your client sitting on your chair, sucking on your tit, while you hold onto him for dear life and grind on him. the rough fabric of his jeans, combined with the fabric of your underwear, deliciously rubs against your clit, causing the pleasure to start building up in your lower stomach. you've almost forgotten about the pain, jongho's now swollen lips kissing and tugging at both of your nipples, and your crotch getting all the attention.
you no longer care about being quiet, moans and gasps shamelessly multiplying and getting louder, hips working relentlessly and fingers tugging his hair. never getting this close before, you force yourself to stop and pull away from him.
"what, what is it?" he asks, shiny eyes looking up at you.
"nothing, i-" you look down, picking the hem of your dress up and revealing a wet spot on his crotch. "i'm going to... you know."
it feels illegal to say the word.
"cum?" he finishes for you.
"yes."
"why did you stop?"
you sigh. your hands caress his cheeks and hair, fixing his messy state. "it's been a while. i don't want to cum with my clothes on. on my client's lap."
jongho takes a moment to think. you find out that it is not a good thing to let him do that. he picks you up, carrying you all the way to the couch where he sat. you find yourself laying on the soft surface, while jongho places a pillow under your head, and one under your lower back.
"can you hold this here for me?" he scrunches the ends of your dress under your chest, and you listen. "do you feel any better?"
"i mean... it's still clogged. maybe try a little harder?"
he takes it as a challenge, almost jumping on you like a starved animal. your hands now grip at the fabric on his back, nails digging into it. he doesn't protest, instead burying his head further into your chest and leaving a few feathery kisses before he takes your breast in his mouth again. just as you asked, he sucks harder. it hurts, more than before. your moans turn into whines and almost sobs, fingers hopelessly clawing at his back but not yet asking him to stop. tears threaten to spill down your cheeks, and you can barely contain them.
the man uses his hand to massage the other breast, caressing it, and the other to spread your legs so he can fit between them better. instead of going back to cup the breast he is currently working on, he slides it up your thigh, all the was to the outline of your panties. he pushes them aside, then gently brings his fingers to your folds.
"you don't- ah!" he finds your clit, giving it an experimental rub, "you don't have to do that."
"i want to." he mumbles, voice lower and raspier than you've ever heard from him before. sensing that you have stopped breathing for a second, jongho looks up at you, mouth still wrapped around your sensitive bud. he only raises and eyebrow and smirks against you, before continuing his actions, eyes not once leaving yours.
you weren't a fan of keeping your eyes open during sexual encounters. your husband didn't care. but this? jongho seems to be aware of the power his stare holds, mostly because his fingers effortlessly slip past your folds and inside your aching hole. you can't find it in yourself to look away, too lost in the way his lips look on you, and his body fits between your legs.
"harder-" you whine. "suck harder."
he hums, sucking harder and harder, while his fingers slowly start abusing your hole. he graces you with deep strokes, knuckles disappearing inside of you and fingers scissoring. the room is filled with squelching, kissing and sucking noises, along with your shallow breathing and a few moans and yelps. his thumb finds your clit once again, rubbing it as he continues fingering you. a tingling sensation appears in your lower stomach again, this time faster and stronger.
"jjong-" you gasp, liquid spilling from your breast and in his mouth. "fuck!"
he turns to the other one, repeating the process, all while his hand inches you closer and closer to the release you haven't tasted in months. white liquid drips down both of your breasts, nipples now more tense than ever.
he grunts along with you, grinding his hips on your leg. the man doesn't waste a single moment before licking away all the liquid that decorates your shaking body. the sight sends you over the edge, along with his fingers in your hole and his soft panting.
with your head thrown back over the edge of the couch, you find your body twitching as waves of pleasure wash over your body. even after jongho is done cleaning your mess that he caused, you have trouble catching your breath and calming yourself.
"hey, hey. i got you." he speaks softly, cupping your face.
he looks at you with different eyes now; soft and caring. a complete opposite of the lustful and intense one you just saw moments ago.
"feeling better?"
you nod, gulping. "i- thank you?"
he laughs, then plants a kiss on your forehead. "thank you."
"what for?"
"for making my fantasy come true."
"you're crazy," you laugh.
"for you, yes. now, let me help you get cleaned and dressed, so i can feel like i have shred of dignity before i ask you out."
"i- oh. but wait, what about you? did you...?"
he stands up, giving you space to stretch your limbs. he reveals a wet patch on his crotch, and not the one you made. "yeah... no sane man could survive this without cumming in his pants. you can't blame me."
#jongho#choi jongho#ateez#ateez oneshot#ateez x reader#ateez smut#ateez x female reader#ateez x y/n#ateez x you#ateez drabble#ateez imagine#ateez fanfic#ateez fanfiction#jongho x reader#jongho x y/n#jongho x you#jongho smut#choi jongho smut#jongho oneshot#choi jongho oneshot#jongho imagine#jongho fanfic
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★ streamer ellie!
ways to help palestine!!!
S★ she started with fornite and minecraft gameplays but went viral for playing girly video games and screaming with pure rage and desperation if she loses or if her chat tells her the outfit she made was ugly asf😭
S★ she deadass will say “u guys clearly don’t know about fashion like i do” n then pull outfits like this:
S★ she used to be so fucking afraid that her face reveal went like dream’s that she posponed that shit for like a year. when she finally did it she ended the stream, turned off her phone and went to bed covering her body completely, while sniffing and crying “my career is over ”
S★ after her face revealed her account went even more viral, people started to make thirst traps of her and edits, videos, even fanfics, she got a little more comfortable with showing her face. her favorite edits were to songs like ride, baby by me, hey daddy (daddy’s home) and a song in spanish called vaquero, they were just so funny to her😭
iloveellie: she’s daddying so hard‼️
ewisinthechat: aw you guys really see me as a father figure?😺🫶
brondon444: 😭
kvcjjsaj: 😭
loverboydsa: 😭😭😭
“hey why is everyone crying in the chat, is everyone okay?”
S★ she really loves the cat emojis, specially this one 😻
S★ out of all her platforms (aside from twitch) she uses twitter the most, she tweets without a second thought in that head, without filter, like zero hesitation and then apologizes if she said something way too controversial.
ewisinthechat2: have you had that feeling when someone is so stupid you want to stab your eye with a fork? #kys
ewisinthechat2: k, i guess u have not😅…
S★ she was practically new to tiktok, so the first moths she had her likes public, she didn’t even know that was possible on the app. but if you click on it all you could see were shit post and memes that a dad would like, all except for a big section of aprox thirteen videos, one after the other, all with the same girl.
sckerforellie18: did u guys saw ellie’s likes? i think she’s stalking that poor girl😭
slaybabesew: HAHAH WAIT IS REAL, IS SHE HER GILFRIEND???
elliesaheymamasg: she’s so hot wait😩
heyemogirlbb: it’s her @girlypop66
S★ the chat started to tag you to every single one of her videos on tiktok, her photos on instagram, tagging you on things like “hi, could you please date my mom?🤗” or “my new mommie😻” EVEN in her questionable tweets telling you “we know she’s crazy but give her a chance😭”
S★ one day you waked up to your phone being practically broken from all the notifications, you still had your little pink iphone 6 and you had to buy another one because of it.
Instagram
girlypop: hi um i don’t think we really know each other but people are tagging me on your videos😭 love them though
S★ ellie was in a stream, the chat had to make her laugh and spit the water so she was reacting to videos that her chat had send her. when that notification appear on the screen, she read it, gulped the water, looked dead ass serious at the camera and turned off the stream.
elliewilliasm: omg hi, im so sorry i didn’t know, I’ll tell them to spot
elliewilliasm: spot*
elliewilliasm: STOP**😭
you laughed in your new phone, she was funny, and for what you had seen in all the posts that you were tagged on, very pretty too.
girlypop: hey would you like to grab coffee sometime?
ewisinthechat: TO EVERYBODY IN THE CHAT, THANK YOU, YOU GUYS ARE THE FUCKIN BEST, LOVE YALL, IM SO LUCKY TO HAVE YOU, XOXO😻😻😻😻
GIVEAWAY COMIN FUCKIN SOON💯💯‼️
S★ she was exhausted when she jumped to her bed, after all the crying, screaming, jumping and the extreme tweeting that just said “YESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYESYES”, she unlocked her phone again.
elliewiliasm: yeah sure :)
REBLOG AND COMENT
IF YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TAG LIST
#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams#ellie x y/n#ellie x you#ellie x fem reader#ellie x reader#ellie smut#ellie the last of us#ellie tlou#tlou#the last of us
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quick streamer!ellie hcs since i see shes popular rn 💕
streamer!ellie who yells at little kids at for its day and night…
streamer!ellie who’s ps4 controller has DENTS in it. DENTS.
streamer!ellie definitely doesn’t get ad opportunities because she can’t stop swearing and making inappropriate jokes
streamer!ellie doesn’t have a lot of followers/fans but like a solid 100k ???? idk what qualifies as a lot..
streamer!ellie fucking hates story games.. i’m sorry but she thinks they’re boring and a waste of time. (she def played spiderman 2 doe :3 )
streamer!ellie is either really nice or really mean to the chat.
SPEAKING OF CHAT. streamer!ellie is the number ONE chat user.
“chat is this real?”
“okay chat…”
“CHAT?”
streamer!ellie is definitely like hansumfella (if you dk him there’s an acc on tiktok called @hansumfellaclips hes pretty funny !) she makes dirty jokes, she’s mean. she dgaf
streamer!ellie invites jesse, you, and dina on stream and it’s so chaotic.
streamer!ellie doesn’t mean to, but she keeps flirting with you on stream. that’s just how you guys are!
“smelliewilliams664 just asked if we could kiss on cam”
“bruh”
streamer!ellie accidentally drops that she is a massive crush on you when you aren’t there
“user1617992 just asked if i had a crush on y/n?”
“ur banned”
streamer!ellie who texts like a 14 year old boy.. what the fuck is a brainrot quiz..
streamer!ellie is such a fucking sweetheart!!! she asked her viewers what she should do to ask you out and they gave her a bunch of ideas!
“wait so flowers and a sign??”
she listened to the chat and let’s just say ellie was one lucky girl!!!
streamer!ellie is LOUD as FUCK. after you guys started dating you frequented her house ALOT. so when she was streaming a lot of the time you were there.
one day when ellie was streaming and the viewers had seen you napping in the background. well a while into the stream ellie had forgotten about you being there.
“for fucks sake!” she screamed, as loud as she fucking could. you wake up and groan her name.
“shut the fuck up” you would whisper, readjust to get comfortable and then just about fall asleep again before she yells again.
“shit!” she yells and slumps down into her chair.
“ellie!” you yell as you sit up, “shut it!” you saw fake aggressively as you toss a pillow her way. she laughs and spins her chair around to face you.
“sorry babe”
#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams#tlou#tlou fanfiction#₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ゚izzie writes!?#tlou2#ellie tlou#ellie x reader#ellie williams fluff#ellie williams x you#ellie x dina#ellie x fem reader#ellie williams fanfic#ellie smut#ellie the last of us#ellie williams x female reader#streamer!ellie
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Sketches. Mapi x Ingrid x reader.
Summary: what happens when Ingrid and mapi discover the sketches r drew of them.
------------------------------------------------
Doom scrolling on your phone after practice was your favorite activity of the day. You would come home exhausted, throw your kitbag in the hallway, and cocoon in your coach for about an hour.
Today was no different. You got home and did the same thing. You opened TikTok, and scrolled half mindedly. One video though grabbed your attention. It was a tik tok from the official page of Barcelona where your teammates were asked to describe you in a few words.
Cata was the first to answer and she did so by describing you as quiet. It was fair you didn't talk much if at all. It's not that you weren't comfortable enough with the team, you were just a quiet person. Irene was next and she called you kind which put a smile on your face. All your teammates called you different versions of sweet, kind, funny, quiet, and shy. You found their words endearing and it almost brought you to tears. This reaction quickly went away after you heard what mapi described you. “ Talented artist.” your face turned white and your heartbeat was accelerating. Her answer was followed by Ingrid who described you as an “ impressive painter.”
You dropped your phone quickly. “ No it can't be. No no no no. Fuck!!” You got up from the couch and tried to keep yourself busy. You put away your kit bag, did laundry , cleaned the house surprisingly thoroughly. You even meal prepped. all of this so that you wouldn't think about that video, their response, and what most likely saw.
Your alarm found you awake for the first time since the champion’s league final which spoke greatly to the anxiety you were experiencing. The thought of being face to face with them knowing that they know your secret terrified you but had to go to training so you did, and your mission was to get through the day without making contact with them because if you did you would either cry or throw up and that wasn't an option.
“ Nena what's wrong?” Asked Alexia at the meeting room.
“ Nothing capi everything is good.” You say trying to contain your tears. That's when she held your hand and redirected her focus to the coach. She rubbed her thumb across your knuckles once in a while. Once the meeting was over she pulled you gently out of the room and to a different room.
“ We are not getting out of this room until you tell me what is wrong.” Alexia looked so gentle, caring and a little bit worried. But you couldn't tell her what was wrong.
“ Nena I love you and I care about you deeply. Your anxiety is clearly through the roof. Just let me help you. We decided that you would let me help, remember.” She put her hand on your shoulder and desperately waited for an answer.
Alexia was like a big sister to you. She helped you survive your time in Barca but your issue right now was within the team not the pressure or the limelight and you know there was nothing to fix it.
“ I want a transfer. I want to leave Barcelona. I want to leave. “ You close your eyes so that you won't cry.
“ It's okay pequena everything is gonna be okay. I can fix this, whatever this is I can fix it. Trust me.” She pulled you in for a hug. Your anxiety was through the roof and the voices in your head were screaming vile and scary things at you.
“ I want to leave ale. I am serious.” You try to say sturnely.
“ You are one of your best strikers. We need you now more than ever if we want to quadruple again. And we do so you are staying.” She just held you as you cried some more.
Once you calmed down you apologized to Alexia. “ I guess you aren't gonna tell me right?” she asked again.
“ It's just about a stupid video.” You tried to stop the words as they were coming out of your mouth but it was too late.
“What video?” She asked suspiciously.
“ A video posted by the Barca page. It's nothing to worry about. Sorry capi, I didn't mean to freak out.”
“ It's fine Nena if you don't feel like training you can go home. “ She proposed after realizing you won't say anything.
“ Yeah I think that is a good idea.” You went to the locker room, grabbed your bag and left. Alexia then pulled out her phone and searched for the video you were talking about. She watched it 3 times and her teamates’s answers seemed fine, but she got suspicious of mapi and Ingrid's answers so she went to talk to them.
“ Maria, Ingrid, I need to talk to you.” Demanded the captain. They complied and waited for her at the side of the pitch.
“ Where is Nena?” Asked mapi.
“ That's what I am here to talk to you about. She went home now. I just managed to calm her down but she isn't okay. She was crying and she said she wanted a transfer from this team. She also said something about a video the social media team posted. I didn't understand anything.” Mapi and Ingrid gave one another a look they both understood. They knew what troubled you and they felt bad for it.
“ Don't worry about it ale. We will make things right, I promise you.” Said Ingrid.
“So you did something wrong. You hurt her somehow” Alexia started to frown with anger.
“ Ale calm down, I will tell you everything just not now. Everything will be alright tomorrow.”
“Well it better fucking be or you will answer to me.” added the captain before leaving.
When you arrived home your head was pounding because of the crying so you headed straight to your bedroom, got under the covers and slept almost immediately, too tired to do anything else. You only woke up when your phone was buzzing under your pillow.
“ Hola” you answered without checking who is calling.
“ Hola Nena, I need you to open the door. We are standing outside.” Said a familiar voice.
You put your phone to the side and went straight to your door not realizing what you were doing.
Once you opened the door, your eyes opened wide, surprised at who was at your door. You stood there like a statue trying desperately to calm the voices in your head.
“Nena , please let us in, we need to talk to you.” said ingrid in the gentlest voice you ever heard.
You couldn't kick them out so you stepped aside and let them get in. By the time you got to the living room your heart was beating very fast, each breath was harder and harder and the walls around you started to close in on you. Mapi was the first one to notice so she came running towards you. She took your hand, guided you to the couch and started to construct you to take deep breaths.
“ I am gonna leave. Transfer window is in 2 weeks so the coach has enough time to secure a deal with a new team. Even if they dont we can fake an injury for the media and I can just stay home until the summer where we can look again for another deal. You don't have to worry about anything. I won't cause any problems i swear. . ” you say once you get your breath back.
“ nena why do you think anybody wants you to leave?” askes ingrid.
“ I know you think I am a creep, I understand that. I don't want to cause any problems within the team so I am leaving.” you try to say as calmly as you can.
“ nena we don't think you are creepy.” replied mapi. You look at them with confusion. What if you understood everything all wrong? what if you had jumped to false confusion? What if this was all a misunderstanding from you part?
“ You said in that video that I draw really well. I never showed you any of my drawings so that means that you saw them.” you try to piece everything together.
They both look at eachother hesitantly before ingrid starts talking.
“ The other day in the locker room you wanted to talk to the physio and left your ipad open, that's when I saw a drawing of myself and I zoomed out to see the full picture. I then accidentally swiped and saw that you drew a few portraits of me and mapi separately and together.” you knew that they saw the portraits, but hearing the words come out of ingrid’s mouth made the situation much worse for you. Those drawings were something sacred and intimate to you. You expressed your every thought through them. They were your safe space and they gave solace. But now they have changed into a nightmare that would force you to leave your favorite place in the world.
“ Did you see all of them?” your voice seemed to have shrunk and as you ask the question staring at the floor.
“ yes but we don't think it's creepy. We think it's beautiful that you drew us.” mapi didn't know what to say. She was afraid that she said the wrong thing and made the situation worse.
“ mapi you saw 79 portraits of you and your girlfriend on my ipad. Very detailed portraits of the two of you that I drew when I was near you in the meeting room or training or the dinner hall or even my own bedroom and you don't think that that’s a little bit sick.” you ask the question sarcastically.
“ No we don't. look we didn't come here to fight with you or reprimand you we….” you didn't let ingrid finish her sentence, you instead got up, grabbed your ipad and displayed the portraits for them.
“ You seriously don't think this portrait is creepy.” you show them a portrait you drew of them kissing. You weren't thinking of how embarrassing this moment was, you were trying to convince yourself that they hate you because it was better than the alternative. “ Look, I hate myself for this more than you could ever hate me. That's why I want to leave. I am not going to make you feel uncomfortable anymore. “
“ can you please just shut up for a moment. We don't hate you, we don't find you creepy, we liked what we saw, and we think you are very talented. Please don't turn this into something it's not. And please don't ask for a transfer.” mapi didn't mean for her words to come out like that but she couldn't stand seeing the hurt on your face.
“ Look what Maria means to say is that it's all good with us. You don't have to worry about anything and that we are sorry we brought it up in the first place.” ingrid then extended her arms and offered you a hug which you took. You hugged her and mapi again as they left your apartment. Once you found yourself alone in your house again you grabbed your ipad and smashed it to the ground cracking the screen. You left it there on the ground and went straight to bed.
While you slept soundly the couple were the ones that would stay awake late at night.
' you shouldn't have said it like that maria.’ reprimanded ingrid.
“ What did you want me to do? I couldn't just sit there and let her insult herself.” defended mapi.
“ I don't think we handled it right. We should have talked to her more.”
“ you have seen her when she closes herself off. You can't break through when she does that. Once she convinced herself with something you can't undo it. And now she convinced herself that we hate her which isn't true.”
“ We have to find a way to convince her otherwise. She can't leave.”
“ she won't, amor.”
The next day was travel day and you were the first on that bus. You sat in the front, put on your head phones and closed your eyes. The team knew from alexia not to bother you and alexia was informed by ingrid and mapi to let them handle your situation.
You didn't hear anybody get on the bus, you only realized what was happening when the bus started moving. You weren't bothered for the first 20 minutes of the ride but that didn't last long because somebody snatched an airpod from your ear.
“ No iPad today?” asked a smiling mapi who sat next to you . Ingrid sat in front of you.
“ No, I gave that up.”
“ It's a shame you were very good at it.” she responded.
“ Since when did you start drawing?” asked ingrid.
“ since I was a kid. My therapist used to encourage me to do it because I wasn't so good at expressing what i am feeling.”
“ and these drawings help you express your feelings?” you knew what ingrid was getting to and you didn't want to go there so you went for your phone to try and increase the volume of the airpod left in your ear but ingrid’s hand got to it first.
“ Yesterday we were scared that we would say the wrong thing. But today I would rather say the wrong thing than lose you nena.” what ingrid said shocked you.
“ So you were saying that drawing helps you express things right?” continues mapi.
“ yeah. I am not very good at words. I never was so I drew all the words I couldn't say. “
“ Do you have your ipad with you?” asked ingrid.
“ No, I don't have an ipad anymore i smashed it yesterday.”
“ why?”
“ because….” you were quickly interrupted by mapi “ don't you dare say it's creepy.”
A staff member interrupts your conversation by putting an envelope on the table.
“ room 1209, 3 beds like you asked.” she said looking at mapi.
“ What did you do?” you ask confused.
“ I am making sure you are not leaving.”
The bus stopped so you couldn't continue the conversation. You weren't left any room to protest the decision that was made for you as the couple were more stubborn than you are.
Once you got in the room you were hit with the reality that you were going to have to sleep in the same room as them.
“ mapi i can't stay here.”
“ why not?”
“ You know the reason why.”
“ No we dont.” said ingrid.
“ Please don't make me go through this. I promise I won't leave, just please don't make me.”
“ I don't understand why you are so upset right now. We are just going to share a room.
The couple knew that playing dumb would anger you enough that you would start talking. The melancholic look on their faces hit the nail on the head.
“ i cant be here because of the same reason i drew those fucking drawing.. I tried to get you out of my head by drawing you and fantasizing about you but i can't stay stop whatever i am feeling from coming out when i'm sleeping and you are cuddling next to me.”
“ Why would that bother you?” they continued to play on your built up anger.
“ It bothers me because I want to be in the middle of you. I want to be with you. That's why I drew you, that's why I fantasize about it and that's why I can't sleep here.” you weren't realizing what you were saying not until you said it and it hit you like a truck.
Suddenly , you see the couple moving two beds together, taking off their shoes, and laying on the bed. Ingrid then taps on the space between them calling you over.
“ you gotta be fucking kidding me?” you say.
“ We knew what you felt the day we saw you drawing but we thought we were just reaching or projecting our feelings towards you. Since yesterday we were trying to get you to admit your feelings so that we would do too but you kept on insulting yourself which was nice by the way so we resulted in playing dumb which clearly worked. “ said mapi.
“ We care about you, we don't want to lose you. We don't have to figure out everything right now so just come and lay with us please. “ added ingrid.
You were moving on autopilot when you took off your shoes and layed in the middle of the bed between them . you stared at ingrid’s eyes for long time before you moved or spoke.
“ Your eyes are so beautiful I could never capture them in a drawing.” you then look over at mapi “ and you smile i don't think i have never seen it up close. This is too much.” you try to get up but they stop you.
“ We don't have to do anything right now.” mapi handed you a notebook and a pen.
“ Why don't you draw this moment now.” you take the pen and the biggest smile spreads on your face as you get up, look at them, and start drawing as they admired you.
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