#just realized how easy it is to make shitposts on my phone

[lelianaslefthand]

thinking about her again….

[just-alish]

FB26.2024 - Maybe I should grow a spine and make people angry.

For the last year or so, YouTube has turned from this neat entertainment service to a tool I use to cope, to kill time. I am fine with my phone being by my side every time I wash the dishes or take a shower, even though I do notice it slowing things down. I consider it generally harmless and killing such a habit would be problematic. Now, when it comes to spending time at my desk, things get embarrassing, for my browsing sessions consist of endless mouse wheel clicks on Jerma shitposts, Radiohead demos, art advice, and video essays. And while the first two are easy to quickly consume, I usually just leave videos longer than 2 minutes to rot in my browser tabs. This evening I sat back for another meaningless browsing session when an interesting idea came to mind - "What if I try and binge-watch all of the dozen self-improvement essays I saved in my tabs up until late?" and it went surprisingly well for me. I learned a thing or two, made some notes, and gained motivation I hope I'll retain after a good night's sleep, but most importantly, one video and one piece of advice, in particular, piqued my interest and made me reconsider how I do things in my life. "You Must Piss People Off." It sounds ridiculous to me, but it also resonates with me.

I'll try to elaborate on my new vision by comparing it to how I do things online because that's one of the domains I plan to apply it in. When "running" my Twitter, I always try to stay out of politics and whatnot, all because I fear losing even one of my forty subscribers, a quarter of which are bots. My stupid little self is afraid of losing contact with people who might just clash with my opinions, but today I realized that maybe that's the whole point.

Perhaps I should simply be myself online and lose a lot of people in the process, but end up finding people I fuck with. People that will like me for who I truly am and enjoy my World Wide Web Page for what it is.

[shitty-fate-merch-daily]

Hello everyone, now I know that this is a shitpost blog and my regular content isn’t really ever explicitly political, however it is my blog and I can post whatever I want. And I feel that this is kind of a massive deal and want to do my part to get more eyes on this situation.

Long story short, the US government is back at it again trying to destroy internet privacy.

A bill is going through congress at the moment known as the EARN IT bill. What it does is revoke Section 230 from the Communications Decency Act. Section 230 makes content platforms (like twitter, youtube, reddit, etc...) immune from any legal consequences from what their users post. While there is both good and bad to this situation, the removal of the bill will lead to platforms scanning all of the content and messages put out on their platform and censoring what is required of them by a non-elected government committee.

This is all being passed under the guise of “removing csa content and fighting human trafficking”, any “save the children” legislation is never about saving the children, but using them as a moral battering ram for their political agendas. Social media sites are already required by law to remove such content and report it to relevant institutions for further investigation, so passing this bill would make such a situation worse because individuals with these materials will just move to platforms outside the US that have no requirement to remove or report it.

Another facet of the bill is that will require platforms lessen their cyber security and encryption so US law enforcement can access massive amounts of data about its users.

For said purpose of “saving the children” of course. I don’t think I need to explain why this is a bad thing and how its turning America into more of a police state. However the removal of encryption to create a “back door” for the US government, also poses a security risk for cyber criminals to get their hands on that data. And the US government has proven it kind of sucks shit at keeping data secure

There are many other great articles and videos explaining the bill and its consequences in more detail. And I entreat everyone to do their own additional research about the EARN IT bill. The Electronic Frontier Foundation has written about it along with many other relevant topics about cyber security and privacy, along with the US government’s track record in the matter.

So what can we do?

For those of us who live in the US, we do the same thing every time the government decides to pass something that decreases our human rights. We get out our metaphorical pitchforks out and go poke our representatives with angry emails and phone calls until they realize that maybe supporting this bill isn’t the hottest choice if they care about being re-elected.

For those of you outside the US, this is still a big deal for you too! Since the majority of large western social media platforms are based in the US, thus under their jurisdiction, your data and free speech will be fair game no matter your nationality. If you have American friends, pressure them to contact their representatives. Go make a big fuss about it on your corner of the internet, wherever that may be.

The bill was shot down once in 2020 because of public outcry so it can do so again. Every voice matters. If it gets passed there is almost no chance of it ever getting repealed, and may change the shape of the internet as we know it.

The EFF has made a very easy form to contact your representatives about this issue. It only takes a few minutes, I can’t recommend it enough. If anyone has any questions, feel free to DM me. I’m more than happy to help.

https://act.eff.org/action/stop-the-earn-it-act-to-save-our-privacy?s=09

[sungie]

shitposting and all that: yamaguchi tadashi x reader

a/n: i'm in love with yamaguchi and since i am a hoe for hurt/comfort aus here is yams comforting a reader who doesn't like talking about emotions // is this a call out // yes

masterlist

- -

The fluorescent glare of blue light from your phone hurts your eyes, and you squint to make out Yamaguchi’s username pop up in notification.

yams.tada: hey, are you …

It’s almost too easy to ignore, except there’s another notification, and another, and you swipe open the app and hesitantly click on Yamaguchi’s name.

yams.tada: hey, are you okay?

yams.tada: i mean, i’m all for shitposting but like …

yams.tada: you seem sad

(y/n): i’m okay, yams

(y/n): just a little tired //

You aren’t quite expecting the response that appears almost instantly.

yams.tada: okay… what’s this then?

You flush instantly as he sends you the post you’d shared on your private story a few minutes ago.

(y/n): a meme (＠＾◡＾)

yams.tada: lmao

yams.tada: is it okay if i drop by?

You sigh, pushing your face in your hands. It wasn’t your intention to have Yamaguchi react to it at all. It was insignificant enough; a bunch of shared posts about your favorite characters and “i blame ___ for the way i’ve turned out” and “why would i face my problems when i can just take a nap instead” and, oh.

(y/n): it was a moment of weakness

(y/n): nothing to worry about

yams.tada: T-T

yams.tada: don’t believe you

yams.tada: besides, we still need to split up the project stuff

You stifle an exasperated laugh. You’re all too aware that splitting up project roles is something that can easily be done over messaging apps, but once Yamaguchi sets his mind to something … there’s really no stopping him.

Shit. You’re about to make some excuse, but suddenly it’s too hard to hold your phone. You collapse back onto your bed and stare holes into the ceiling, almost as if staring hard enough will grant you some inner strength to face the boy that sees through everything.

When Yamaguchi finally comes around to ringing the doorbell, you pull it open with a tired grin. “Hey. There’s tea bags in the kitchen and ramune in the fridge … want some?”

Yamaguchi smiles at you, his eyes softening. He follows you into the apartment, nudging off his shoes and closing the door behind him. “Ramune is nice. You’re sure?”

You nod.

“As soon as I’m done with homework, I’m watching this movie Tsukki recommended. It’s a psychological thriller, or something like that. Have you heard of it? He’s been talking about it for days.”

You laugh, turning around with a raised eyebrow. “Sure you can handle it? Last time we watched one of those, you ran out of the room.”

“No,” Yamaguchi refutes with surprising audacity, “I did not.”

“You did.”

“Well,” he finally says, voicing a subtle trace of smugness that’s a bit too easy to identify, “you were all too happy to turn it off.”

“Shush,” you say, reaching to switch the kitchen light on, “I think you’ll eat your words once you start that one. Tsukishima doesn’t get scared much, does he?”

There’s no response. You turn to Yamaguchi, expectantly, only to swallow nervously.

When he looks at you again, his eyes are droopy. His head tilts slightly to the side as if he’s trying to figure out the right way to go about this.

“So, ready to work, Yams?”

“Not really.”

You raise an eyebrow at him, biting your tongue hard. “I thought that’s what you wanted to come here for.”

Yamaguchi shifts uncomfortably in his stance. He looks at you pleadingly.

You know what it means. He wants you to just tell him what’s going on. Well, unfortunately, for him, you’re not going to.

“I’m worried about you,” he caves, his voice wavering more than usual. “I know you don’t like to talk about this sort of stuff, but I...”

Despite the stony expression etched onto your face, your lips start to twitch. Yamaguchi’s infamous kindness is getting to you again.

“Do you want to talk about it? I’m here for you, you know. I always am.”

How hard do you have to bite your tongue for it to bleed? You’re worried that Yamaguchi’s going to cause you some serious harm, right now.

You shake your head. “I’m just … I’ll be okay in a little bit.”

Yamaguchi breathes out. A little sound escapes from his lips, and you watch as they twist into a sad sort of motion. “You’re so stubborn, (Y/N). You mean, you’ll be able to pull yourself together in a little bit. Not be okay. Right?”

“Um, no.” You make a point not to look Yamaguchi in the eyes. You look for something to focus on, suddenly becoming all too engrossed in the yarn coming loose from your fuzzy socks. Had that always been there? “Well, you’re the same, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“Liar.”

Yamaguchi sighs, huffing. “Really?”

“What?”

“You don’t have to tell me about it. But, at least promise me you’ll take care of yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah --”

Oh.

You don’t expect the arms that wrap around your frame, and neither do you expect the head that gently comes to rest atop yours. “Don’t worry about me,” you start.

“Shut up. I always worry,” Yamaguchi says, grumpily.

Yamaguchi’s touch is soft. He’s so warm. And at this point, you're not really sure if this hug is more for you or him. But it feels nice. You haven't been hugged, in a while.

And as much as you hate to admit it, in Yamaguchi's arms, it feels really safe. You realize the tension in your shoulders must have dissipated a while ago, and you feel your bottom lip quiver.

You needed this hug.

“I worry about you, too, I guess.” You mumble it into his sweater, wrinkling up your nose. He smells nice, too. Like fresh linen, or something. “This is a one time thing, you know. I’m not fragile.”

You don't really want it to be a one time thing.

Yamaguchi laughs. “Of course not.” He steps backward, his chin raising from your head. “I’ve never thought that about you.”

Before you can think too much about it, Yamaguchi suddenly interrupts the easy silence with wide eyes and a curious tone. “Oh, do you want me to keep you company? I forgot to ask, earlier.”

Despite the indifferent words you said earlier, you nod vehemently. “Yes, please.”

Yamaguchi grins. “Cool. We can knock out that project then.”

You blink at him. “Did you actually come for the project?”

“Yeah.”

You whack him in the arm. “Rude.”

“Hey! I had to have a back-up if you were actually okay, you know --”

“You’re so annoying.”

He laughs, happily. “You haven’t joked around like that in a while.”

“I wasn’t joking.”

Yamaguchi gazes at you warmly, eyes lingering just a little too long on yours. “Exactly.”

[purplesurveys]

1416

survey by hopeslife

Which of your 5 senses would you give up? I’m not a fan of this question.

One word that doesn't describe you? Religious.

Would you ever consider becoming a nun? Nah, not even as a kid in Catholic school. My school was ran by nuns and we were made to occasionally visit the school convent, so I was definitely in an environment where it would’ve been easy to influence kids to become nuns; buuuuut I was hellbent on being like an astronaut lmao.

What do you miss most about your childhood? Just not dealing with grown-up problems as a whole.

What do the majority of people think of you? You’d have to ask them; I never pay deep attention to this.

Have you ever washed your phone when doing laundry? Not phone, but I’ve left cash in my pants before.

Do you like your first name? I’ve warmed up to it in the last few years. It’s nice to be unique.

What makes you laugh? Cooper, shitposts on Facebook and TikTok, BTS.

Do you ever keep arguing when you know you're wrong? Not for the most part. If I realize midway that I’m wrong, I’ll start to quiet down and validate the other person’s points. But other days I’ll feel like being stubborn and still keep defending myself, haha.

What is something you find yourself saying a lot? That I am going to resign but of course it never happens.

Your Internet service goes down. What would you miss the most? Not really miss, but I’d freak out more than anything because I work from home and would be restless about important calls and conversations I’d potentially be missing out from.

If you suddenly turned into a dog or cat, how would you prove you're human? This is a really good question hahaha. But uhm, maybe booping my way through entering the passcode to my phone since neither of my dogs are trained to do that.

Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? I would honestly be more at peace if I knew this, yes. I hate not knowing things.

Do you believe in forever, as in 'love forever'? I mean sure I believe in the concept, but I don’t believe it’s for everyone.

Do you photograph well? I’ve always been terrible at photography; I’ve never had an eye for the proper angles and such. I did try to dabble in it as a teen, but at the end it turned out that the knack for it belonged to my sister.

Is joy more stressful than stress is joyful? I don’t relate to the second one at all. I fucking hate being stressed and having a constantly busy schedule.

What is your favorite flavor of coffee? Caramel macchiato is my usual order.

What non-obvious website should everyone check out? If you’re making a Powerpoint and have to use images without backgrounds, you can use remove.bg. Saved my ass a thousand times.

Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Fucking cockroaches.

When was the last time you were up all night? It was about a couple of weeks ago.

if you could have one thing right now what would it be? An entire sushi boat and a ton of wasabi.

What do you put on your french fries? Just salt and mayonnaise.

Have you ever been to the state of Washington? Nopes.

At what age did you feel you were an adult? Mmm, maybe when I was 23, I got my first job, and had to get a bunch of IDs that I was required to submit in order to be processed properly.

What's your biggest 'first world' problem? It’s hard to have first world problems when you live in a third world country lol. But idk...maybe struggling to get what food to have delivered when I have a lot of cravings at once? That’s the biggest ‘challenge’ I can think of, at least.

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word fun? The song We Are Young by the band.

Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy? At this point, less work. I’m fucking done with being busy for now.

Are you a hug or handshake person? Hug. Handshakes terrify me as I’m terrible at giving them.

Have you ever received a swag bag? I had to Google this because I’ve never heard of this before, and apparently they’re just what we call giveaways here lol. Anyway yeah, these are given away at every party or event so I’ve received my fair share.

What holiday don't you like? There isn’t really any that I’m not a fan of.

Do you speak any other languages? Filipino is my first language.

How often do you wear jewelry? Almost never.

Do you think you are a hypochondriac? No.

What age were you when you learned how to swim? Around 3 or 4, I think? Swimming came naturally to me and I always liked being in the water as a kid.

Can you whistle properly? Yes.

What brand of batteries do you usually get? Eveready.

What will instantly make your day? Receiving a million pesos in my bank account.

What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. I think it would make me too paranoid and sensitive, so I can go easily without it.

What's a small thing you take a stupid amount of pleasure in? Bucket hats.

What's your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? This Pillsbury chocolate chip cookie mix that my mom used to buy. Eating those cookies was practically a daily routine for me when I’d get home from school, so it was a major bummer when they just discontinued it one day.

If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? Cooper.

Do you have a particular number that you see all the time? I do, actually. When I check the time in the afternoon, I *always* manage to catch it at 4:21 PM, which corresponds to my birthday; sometimes I’ll catch it at 4:20 or like 4:23 too lol. I’ve always found that interesting.

What are some things that are cheap, but bring you a lot of satisfaction? Instant noodles, socks, and shawarma.

If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? No way. That’s just way too long of a time to rework.

Have you ever fired anyone? I’ve never been in the position to.

City or nature person? City.

Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My grandparents.

Have you ever won a contest or competition? Sure.

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? The living room couch, which is quickly turning into my favorite place to fall asleep at. My bedroom makes me anxious these days since it doubles as my work area.

How many social media sites are you registered with? All the major ones - Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, Tumblr. I have a Snapchat account but haven’t opened the app in a couple of years; and I also have a Linkedin??? if we count it as social media.

Would you rather go to Canada or California on vacation? Canada.

Would you be surprised if Facebook started charging? Surprised? Definitely not. It seems like the type of thing they’d eventually go for anyway, especially with the amount of ads they show per video.

Do you sleep with the bedroom door open or closed? Closed. I would be infinitely bothered if it was ajar in the slightest bit.

When have you felt most free? The first few months after I started to genuinely move past my breakup.

Would you rather take the picture or be in the picture? Take the picture.

Have you ever caught a fish? Nope.

Someone knocks on your window at 2:00 a.m.: who do you want it to be? I would hope nobody knocks at all because otherwise I would scream and tell my dad to grab his baseball bat.

Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? No, I never did that lol. My brother once got a peanut up his nose though, when he was like 3 or 4.

Which shoe do you put on first? Never mattered to me; I think I switch it up every time.

How many rings before you answer the phone? I’m not sure, maybe five or six times.

Would you ever consider living abroad? Oh absolutely.

Have you ever ridden on a motorbike? No.

Do you like to dance? Only when I’m alone or buzzed enough.

When shopping for clothes, what most influences your buying choices? Deciding if I’ll feel confident in the clothes is my biggest priority.

Who is your favorite TV character? Gus Fring, Glenn Rhee, Mr. Peanutbutter.

[wincestisasincest]

The Green Book (Thorin’s Company x Reader, Part 3)

Hey gang! Wow, it has been a long time. I actually had the draft on my desk top for a really long time and just never got around to post it, because my life has been really crazy, but she’s back! I’ve already started the draft for the fourth chapter, so ready yourselves! Thanks so much for your patience : ). 

Summary: (Y/n) falls into Middle Earth. Shocker. Somehow, she gets recruited to join a party of dwarves on their kinda crazy mission to reclaim their home of Erebor.

Part: 1, 2, 3

Tags (let me know if you want to be added to the list!): @stuckupstucky, @dianaarelyfernandezgarza97, @alexloveskili

Words: 2188

Warnings: None I think...? I mean (y/n) is kinda a pussy in this chapter and Thorin is... himself so just be aware of that

Finally gaining my footing, I drew myself to my feet and regained my surroundings in the middle of the hazy afternoon. 

I used the reflection on the phone to observe myself. My (h/c) hair was an absolute tangled mess, with leaves, small twigs, and even a few pebbles here and there. I mussed it with my hand before lightly parting it, like I would do every morning. Of course, I still looked terrible, but something about fixing hair always makes people feel better.

I looked at my chin, where a massive bruise had planted itself, no doubt from the rather aggressive pushing and shoving from the trolls. Additionally, my legs and arms had been littered with small cuts and bruises that had just now begun to sting and make themselves noticed. Great. 

The next order of business was to find the Company. Admittedly, I was highly uncomfortable with the idea of meddling in a familiar tale. I touched on it earlier, but, reader, the tales of Thorin Oakenshield, Bilbo Baggins, Gandalf the Gray, and all of their adventures in reclaiming Erebor were, in fact, very common tales from where I come from. So common that they are read aloud to children every night. However, no one actually believed them to be true, for dwarves, hobbits, and wizards, along with every race except human, do not exist in the world where I come from. 

I would expand on this further, but I imagine that whoever reading this has many of the same questions as my dwarf companions will ask later in these many tales, so do be patient. 

While we are taught as children that it is bad practice to mess around with things that are already set in stone, we are also taught that cops are good and that “because” is a valid reason for anything, so I ignored that advice. 

They may be my only chance to ever see civilization again. 

Catching up with them was very easy, as, while they are quite business oriented, they travel very slowly. They had spent a long time searching in the caves of the trolls that had been killed earlier, and even longer packing and preparing for the journey ahead. Dwarves are tough, that’s for sure, but they are also very methodical, and do not like to be interrupted when they have already begun something. 

Like a stalker (which I guess I technically was), I peaked out at their company from behind a tree, wondering when exactly my entrance should be made. They were apparently wondering something similar. 

“I say we should look for ‘er.” Fili posited.

“I second the lad.” Dwalin piped up. Oh dear, that dwarf was so intimidating up close. Even though I was noticeably taller than him, he could take me out with a single swing of his axe, no questions axed asked. 

“If she wanted our help, she would’ve come back and gotten it by now.” Nori remarked, to which Thorin sternly nodded. He was right. I did need their help, and I was back to get it. Gold digger life. (A/N I’m so sorry for removing the immersion, I would just like to apologize for all of the Gen Z shitposting in this. Feel free to tell me to knock it off.) 

Gandalf and Bilbo were there. It was a moment I recognized, when Gandalf introduced Bilbo to his now famous blade, Sting. I realized in that moment that literally any point in which I decided to emerge would be interrupting something. I quickly swallowed my pride and decided to reveal myself. 

“Uh, hi! I’m back.” I had absolutely no idea what to say. They all turned to face me, though at this point I was used to being gawked at. I’d be lying if I said that it didn’t make me feel a little bit dizzy, though. 

I waved awkwardly, supporting my red canvas backpack over my shoulder. No one was saying anything. 

Gandalf lifted his every curious head up and eagle-eyed me from across the clearing. 

“Miss (Y/n)! So you have decided to join us.” It felt supremely unnatural to have him say my name. He crossed the way to approach me, leaving a rather disconcerted hobbit in the dust. 

“Uh… yeah. I guess I have.” 

“Wonderful! However, I’m afraid that I only offer my acquaintanceship to ladies whom I know more than their name. After all, it is only fair, since I’m sure you know mine?” No one bothered to interrupt the wizard, who, if I wasn’t mistaken, was doing the same thing to me that he did when he first met Bilbo outside of his hobbit hole. 

“Ummm, yeah, you’re Gandalf the Gray. And I guess, uh,” I breathed in deeply, realizing that, whether I tell the truth or lie, I’m going to sound extremely pathetic, “I’m (f/n) (l/n), but you can just call me (f/n). Uh, I’m human, I guess, and um, I don’t really know where I am right now. I’m kinda lost, I guess.”  

“Where do you hail from?” Damnit, damnit, I had no idea how to answer this.

“Ummm… really not from here. Like, so far that you probably haven’t heard of it.” His expression deepened a little bit. He was not playing as much as he pretended to. A somewhat scary reminder of the actual investment in the protection of his friends that it was easy to forget that he had.

“Try me.” 

“(Hometown name).” I answered back, with a fair amount of fake confidence. He furrowed his brow and pondered slightly, while everyone else remained completely puzzled. Of course, they had never heard of my hometown either, but the were far less travelled then Gandalf, and simply resolved to not seem outwardly ignorant. 

“You’re right, I suppose. I never have been there,” he paused, and no one surrounding him, myself included, was exactly sure what that pause meant, “But, how does one from the mysterious land of (hometown name) get so far from it?” 

“I’m not sure. I truly have no idea how I got to this place. One day it was life like any other, and the next thing I know I had woken up about to be eaten by a troll. I swear, I don’t know.” I added that last part, because I was serious, even if it sounded like I was completely making it up as I went a long, and doing a very poor job at that. 

“No need for swearing, I believe you.” 

“Well, I do not.” Thorin Oakenshield entered the ring.

“She wasn’t talking to you, dear Thorin.” Gandalf may appear spacy at times, but his sharp wit never left his side. 

“No, that is true, though perhaps she should’ve been, considering that I am the leader of this company.” I found it strange that, though he was arguing about me, Thorin had not yet dared to look me in the eye. 

“A leader who was too afraid to approach a frightened young girl alone in the forest?” My face twisted into a bit of a displeased expression. I thought I had hidden my fright well enough, and I was practically an adult. 

“She appeared far from frightened. While you were not there to see it, she was the one who confronted the troll head on, even when he was threatening her. And that thing that she can do with her eyes! I do not believe that she is as innocent as she appears.”

“Perhaps then, dear Thorin, all the more reason to have her accompany us for some time being. Perhaps,” he turned to me briefly before returning to the conversation, “we shall discover some more hidden skills that may be of surprising use.” 

I’d never felt so painfully passive in my entire life, just watching two people argue about what was to happen to me while pretending like I wasn’t even there. Did I even want to accompany them? To this point, I just wanted to go with them to Elrond’s house and then see if there is any aid there. Of course, it helped that Elrond’s house is basically an all-expenses-paid vacation, and particularly accommodating to lost souls. 

It became frighteningly clear that whatever separate visions they had of what was to become of me in their mind, neither of them were what I wanted.

“Are ye hungry, lass?” A finger poked my side. It was Bofur, a slightly more comforting sight. Though the two continued their bickering in the background, I diverted myself from the conversation slightly to face him.  

“Um, no, I think I’m okay, I-“ my stomach growled. 

Bofur smiled understandingly. 

“Well, we got lots o’ food if y’ever change your mind.” 

“Mahal, where did you get that?!” Kili yelled from the side. It appeared that I was now up for grabs by anyone who wanted to talk to me, as Thorin and Gandalf walked off. 

“What?” 

“That!” Kili pointed a finger at my chin, which I stroked thoughtfully, realizing that he was taking note of my large, now splotchy bruise that almost appeared to be a poorly shaved five o’clock shadow. 

“Oh, this? It was from the troll, I think. It wasn’t there before.” I rubbed my chin thoughtfully again before giving him something of a lopsided smile. He appeared quite amused at the concept of large bruises. 

“Lad, it’s considered polite to introduce yerself before askin’ a lass about ‘er wounds.” Balin remarked from the side, winking at me thoughtfully.

“Ah, yeah. Apologies. I’m Kili, at your service, miss!” He playfully bowed. I didn’t have the heart to tell them that I already knew all of their names, so I just passively watched as the introduction ritual took place, feigning mental notes as though it would be a struggle for me to recall them later. 

I “met” Fili next, as he always tried to one up Kili with the showmanship, then Bofur, who introduced his family, Bifur and Bombur. Dwalin and Balin respectfully bowed, which felt way more gratifying than it should. Dori, Nori, and Ori introduced themselves together, followed by Oin and Gloin. Finally, the smallest member, Bilbo, appeared to have the most practiced bow, and politely introduced himself. I nodded. 

“(F/n) (l/n) at yours.” I recalled the response to the standard greeting from the book, while doing a mock curtsey. I was still wearing jeans. 

“I have to admit, it’s been a while since we’ve seen a lass, or anyone for that matter, in these woods.” Balin chatted curiously. 

“I can only guess as to why.” The sarcasm was the first thing that I had felt natural saying in a while. 

“Perhaps the giant trolls?” Ah, yes. Sarcasm was something that the dwarves were not yet used to. I nodded at let it pass. 

The group held their breath and Gandalf and Thorin returned, a tacit agreement among them to let Thorin do the talking. He stepped forward.

“Very well, (y/n) of (hometown name). You will be permitted to travel with our Company until you may be returned to some area of safety, though I must warn you against doing anything that may inhibit our quest.” 

I nodded, silently agreeing to the terms that had been placed before me. He grunted, and returned to packing for the journey ahead. 

“You must tell me more about this (hometown name) when you get the chance, Miss (y/n).” Gandalf added. 

“I’d be glad to.” I smiled, lying through my teeth. Part of me wanted to begin planning for when I would eventually have to lie about where I came from, but the other part of me simply had no idea what to anticipate. 

I recalled my red canvas backpack, knowing that it was filled with things so far from this time that it would be disastrous if they got in the hands of any of my travelling companions, even someone as wise as Gandalf. I recalled my familiarity with their tales, knowing that, no matter how honest I was, I could not reveal to them that I knew the end. I recalled the death of Thorin, Fili, and Kili, the abuse of Bilbo, the psychological torture of Thranduil, and everything unfortunate in between. 

Perhaps I was better off dying in the forest alone. 

“Miss (y/n), you may walk with me if you like? We are both quite out of place in this company.” Bilbo cautiously approached me, his small voice easier to focus on as the rest of the Company began to leave me alone to pack for the time being.

“I would be honored, though I’m afraid I am not a terribly experienced traveler.”  

“Then we shall make fine company, Miss (y/n).” 

“Oh, you can just call me (y/n), no ‘Miss’ needed.” 

He appeared somewhat startled, and on the verge of insulted. 

“Oh, no, no, it’s just that the ‘Miss’ isn’t very common where I come from. I didn’t mean anything by it.” I hastily added, trying to fix whatever mess I had started. 

“You really do come from far, don’t you?” Now he seemed to be observing me. I nodded. 

“Yes. It’s going to be a long way back.”

***********

So we finally start the shenanigans, though I must warn you that this is only getting started. As always, feel free to shoot me ideas as to what (y/n) has, or perhaps even a pairing. I’m considering also making this one a choose-your-own-adventure in terms of pairings, but that would take a lot more work, so if y’all have a specific one let me know and I can just write that!

[adhdeancas]

Sunset Sound: Gallows Pole

In the midst of the Lawboy shitposting, a Sam-centric chapter to see what he got up to after Dean went to hell. Special thanks to my bro @friedchickenangelwings for keeping me in check forever and always, I wouldn’t be able to do this without you.

Sam sobs. He can’t help it; he can’t do anything else. His big brother’s body is impaled on the post in front of him, the ground is littered with beheaded bodies, and two little boys are crying outside somewhere in the dark. And he can’t stop crying.

“It’s not okay. It’s not!” 

He tries to take back those words that had made his brother leave, but Dean's chest doesn’t shudder back into life, and it won’t. It hangs there, heavy and lifeless, and it always will. Dean is dead. 

And for what?

When Sam’s head starts to pound from the tears, he finally takes breaths to calm himself. Common sense floods back into his head and overtakes his grief, and he pulls Dean’s body off the stupid rusty nail that killed him. He lowers him to the ground and closes his eyes, because he can’t bear to look at his dead stare any longer. 

He doesn’t want to leave the barn. He knows he has to, but he doesn’t want to leave his brother there all alone. That’s what Dean had always been most afraid of: being alone. He stands frozen to the spot for more minutes than he should, trying to reason with his grief. Finally, finally, he wins, and he turns around to see his breath in the air before him. Sam immediately gasps, another desperate sob coming from nowhere, because the night isn’t cold enough for that.

“Dean?” He screams it. “Dean!” It’s gotta be him, Dean’s a ghost, Dean’s here, Dean’s trying to talk to him. “Dean!” 

“No, I’m sorry, Sam.” Kevin Tran flickers to form in front of him, pity and sadness in his eyes. “But Dean’s okay.” 

Sam rubs his eyes. He thinks for a second he’s hallucinating again, that losing Dean for real broke down all the sanity he’d built over the years. “K-Kevin?” Though he didn’t know it was possible, his stomach takes yet another plunge, like a boulder has just been dropped on him. Kevin’s incorporeal form shakes into being the thought once more that he did that, his hands killed Kevin, he’s the reason Kevin is a ghost. He’s in a room with the corpse and untethered soul of two people he loves and two people he watched die.

As if sensing all the ways Sam is shaking apart, Kevin nods and starts to reach out before realizing it would be no use. “Yeah, Sam, it’s me.” 

“But- w-w why?” Sam curses his voice for failing him, curses the shaking that sobbing left him with, curses it because he needs to be strong now. For Dean. “Why didn’t you help us?” A ghost would’ve been a great thing to have in a fight! A ghost could probably, I don’t know, push Dean away from a deadly-sharp hook on the wall? If Kevin has been here, why- “Is Dean in the veil? Can he hear me? Dean!” 

Kevin throws a gust of air in his face to get his attention, and it hits Sam like a slap. He looks back at the ghost, wideyed. Kevin looks apologetic. “I don’t have a lot of time, but you need to calm down. Seriously.”

“I can’t calm down-”

“No, Sam, you need to calm down.” Kevin looks upward nervously, as if he’s expecting to see some big figure raise the roof of the barnhouse up and peek down at them. “I’ll explain, but first thing you need to know is: Dean’s dead. He’s in heaven, and he’s in trouble.” 

---------------------------

Sam drives the Impala at exactly the speed limit, eyes dried to the point of aching. Dean’s wrapped body is sprawled out in the back seat, and if Sam just glances in the rearview mirror he can almost pretend he’s just passed out. Just had one too many shots of Cuervo and conked out so his little brother can drive. Sure. Whatever gets you through the night. 

Dropping off the kids was easy. Traumatized kids don’t say much, don’t ask too many questions, and they’ll forget the shellshocked stranger that saved them soon enough. Either that or he will haunt their nightmares, but Sam can’t help that. He can’t help anyone at this point, covered in dirt and blood and exhausted. He drives out to the middle of the forest anyway, Kevin’s words on a loop in his head. 

“You have to be normal. Chuck can’t want to watch you at all. So just play into his game. Pretend to only care about Dean, get out of the life, settle down.”

Sam had frowned, Eileen instantly springing to his mind. Surely he can care about her, right? “But-” 

“No, Sam, I’m sorry. Dean told me to tell you that Eileen… it’s just too dangerous. He likes you two. He’s gotta hate your life so much he doesn’t want to see it. It’s gotta bore him.” 

So Sam burns his brother's body in a forest alone, with only Miracle for company. There’s a dagger in his chest that tells him he’s betraying everyone he cares about, including Dean. Dean wanted a big funeral. He wanted his whole family there, not just his brother and a dog. And Eileen. There are three unread texts and a missed video call from Eileen already. Apparently Kevin hadn’t visited her yet. To let her know. 

It doesn’t take Sam long to leave the bunker. It just feels like a punch to the gut at this point. That table over there, carved with their family’s names, that’s where he and Dean swore they’d be free. They swore they’d get everything they wanted and everything they deserved. And now Sam has one pillow on his bed and an empty bunker full of the possessions of dead people. 

He knows there is a plan. He knows that. And it should comfort him, but it doesn’t, because he still has to live his long, boring, lonely life without the woman he loves or the family he misses or the brother he mourns. Time on Earth is torturously slow. 

The small things make the ache in his heart just a little lighter. He finds a job he likes, teaching history and the classics to teenagers. He remembers his old English teacher, and he tries to be that to kids that need it, kids that remind him of Claire or Jack. He gets to see Jody and the girls once every few years, a risk that he knows is worth it because it keeps him going. He can’t see Eileen. It would hurt too much. They both agreed the one time they called. He keeps learning ASL anyway, and he tells the story of him and Eileen meeting (slightly modified) to the kids in his class. 

He finds a wife. It was one of the things he put off, but after three years he knows he has to get on with it or he’ll get depressed. He needs someone, even if she is boring and too-nice and entirely too gullible. She’s nice and he’s good to her, but he can’t love her because she’s not real. Not in the way that Eileen is. She might as well be a blurred out mother figure action doll, for all she knows. And he hates himself for marrying her, when she deserves someone who finds her boringness interesting, but he knows this is what Chuck expects. He expects Sam to marry a nice woman and have a kid named Dean and grow old always hurting for the old times. Oh, and Sam does. 

He’d rather be back in the pit with Lucifer than this domestic djinn dream, but he reminds himself every day that someday they’re going to get rid of Chuck and then he’ll be able to live. Dean too. Cas too. And Jack. Sam’s going to kill that son of a bitch if it’s the last thing he does, living or dead. And it looks like it’ll be dead.

His fiftieth birthday has come and gone when Kevin finally comes back. The lights in Sam’s classroom flicker and go out, and then Kevin is there, chest heaving. He runs to the chalkboard and picks up a piece of chalk, and Sam’s talking as he writes. 

“Kevin, how’s Dean? Any updates on what’s happening in heaven? Is Chu-Jack okay?”

Kevin turns around, irritated, until he sees the look on Sam’s face. “Yeah, listen, everything is… fine. We’re working on it. Look, the important thing is that you get these ingredients-” he points to the chalkboard, “and perform the spell. But listen, it’s gotta be next week. Friday. There’s a full moon, it’s… you gotta make it happen.” 

Sam’s eyes bulge. “Friday? Kevin, what the hell, a little notice would be nice! How am I supposed to get-” he looks past him to the hastily written ingredients. “These ingredients are insane! It’lll take me weeks just to fly around the fucking world to grab them!” 

Kevin throws his hands up, looking almost as stressed as Sam. “Listen, man, we’re doing our best up there! Time is fucked up and we’re trying to be sneaky and it is a lot of pressure!” he finally takes a deep breath, which seems to help. “I’m sorry, I know it’s too much to ask, but we have no choice. Call a witch friend for the ingredients, summon Rowena and let her in on the plan. It’s Friday or never.” 

He flickers out before Sam can even reply. Apparently the stress and talking like that took too much out of him. Sam’s left alone to say “Sorry,” to an empty classroom. He sits down heavily at his desk and runs a hand through his graying hair. 

He copies down the ingredients and the spell and it’s then that he knows he definitely needs help. Luckily, he knows who to call. 

The phone rings so long Sam thinks about hanging up, but he picks up just before he can. “Sam!” Max sounds winded, and the first thought that enters Sam’s head is not appropriate for the occasion. 

“Hey Max, you got a second? You’re not…” busy? Jesus, Sam is blushing.

Max laughs. “Nah, you’re good, man. What’s up?” 

God, to speak to someone who understands his life again. To really get to talk to them. “Uh, it’s kinda not the kind of thing to talk about over the phone. Can I drive to you?” 

---------------------------------------

“Hey, Rowena,” 

Sam’s natural state is apparently social awkwardness now. Dean would say that had always been true… No, not the time to get sidetracked with that sad shit. He shuffles his feet again and adjusts a candle, waiting for Rowena to appear. He’s fifty fucking years old. He’s fine.

“Hello, dearie.” 

Sam grins at her, but is once again met with the sad eyes Kevin always gives him. “Fuck, can everybody stop with the dead brother horrible life shit?” She doesn’t look taken aback, no that’s not Rowena. She looks more like a school principal that just got told off by an 8th grader, surprised and a little offended. Sam softens a little bit. “Sorry, I just- listen, I get it, okay? My life is fucked up and it’s all a lie to beat God, I know. Can we move past that and get back to the saving the world stuff?” 

A slow smile spreads across Rowena’s face, and she pats him on the cheek. “There she is. Hello, Samuel.” 

Sam rolls his eyes. “Hi Rowena, how are you?” 

“Oh, just dandy. Tamped down a few ne’er-do-wells, not a problem. Being worshipped every day is hard work, but I manage, somehow.” 

“I’m sure. ‘Jack’ giving you any trouble?” 

She waves a dismissive hand. “I’ve barely seen the boy since he took over. Apparently he’s much more interested in watching his little short films in heaven than anything down below…” Sam’s got a question on his lips but she waves that away too. Too little time to explain the intricacies of eternal family drama that heaven is currently. “It doesn’t matter. I have free reign, which means I can pop in for our little soirees.” 

Sam nods, grateful that that’s true at least. He hands her the list of ingredients and the spell and watches as she studies it. “Problem?” 

“Hm. No, I can do that.” She looks up brightly at him. “I’m the greatest witch of all time, Samuel. I’m more worried about how you will accomplish it.” She looks down at his summoning ritual and bends down to correct a chalk mark with her finger. “You’re a wee bit rusty.” 

Sam scoffs. He’s missed this. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I called up my friend Max, Max Banes. He’s going to help me out.” 

“Max Banes? Hm.” For a second, Sam thought he saw something flash across Rowena’s face.

“What?” 

“Nothing.” She shrugs it off. “I’ve heard of the witch, that’s all. He’ll be good help for you, I’m sure. Now, Samuel, if you’ll excuse me… Underworlds to run and all that.” She steps away, but Sam stops her before she can disappear again.

“Wait!” He hugs her tightly. She only resists for a moment before she returns the hug, a light tap on his shoulder. “Thank you, Rowena.” 

“Of course, Samuel. Until next time.” 

She’s gone with a puff of smoke and Sam is left hugging air.

tag list (ask to be added or removed):

Tag list: @dochunterwitch  @justonecitizenoftheearth @gnbrules @purpe @castiel-is-a-cat @alienapparatus @damian-janus-pendragon

[icarusatmidnight]

👁- what seven words best sum up your wip’s aesthetic?🦋- do you prewrite and make extensive worldbuilding/character notes, or jump into the story?😈- share a few lines from your wip

Aw, thank you!! :D Especially for more aesthetic questions. I got so happy realizing I could do Aster’s aesthetic too. Speaking of!

👁- What seven words best sum up your wip’s aesthetic?

I did Icarus in the last post, so I’ll do Aster’s instead! Unlike the last post, getting to just seven words was kinda easy! It probably makes no sense but that’s Aster’s world for you~.

Epics. Technomagic. Late Stage Capitalism. Neo-Dada Shitposting.

:D

🦋- Do you prewrite and make extensive world-building/character notes, or jump into the story?

 Half and half, tbh! The best way for me to start writing is to …just pick a scene or a line and just start writing around that. But I do love prewriting a lot too!! I spent a lot time daydreaming while I’m out and about, making little notes about everyone. It’s a good way to flesh out things for me. \m/!

😈- Share a few lines from your wip

:( :( :(

My laptop is still out of commission (I’m borrowing my brother’s chromebook just so I can have a keyboard and some internet access) so I’m kinda locked out of my current drafts atm.

I do however have a small chuck of something on my phone because I like hashing out ideas that keep me up when I can’t sleep?? o: It’s not from either of my stories. I just had this intense desire to write some Persona 5 nonsense because I had been playing it earlier in the day and Mishima likes to get into my head. ^^;; 

“It just reminds me of that time on the roof? You had a fight with Ann-” And the rest of his words and memory of that incident stopped dead on his tongue as Henmi’s head snapped up, looking like Mishima had physically slapped him across the face. His ever-mischievous eyes instead held pure shock as he stared back at him.“How is any of this like that?!”“I don’t know, you’re kinda just everywhere? I can’t follow you today.” If he was honest, it wasn’t like Mishima could follow Henmi most days to begin with. That boy’s mind was always four or five steps ahead of most people, but that’s what he liked. As frustrating at times, eventually the pieces finally fell into place, revealing the beautiful mosaic Henmi had been constructing all along from behind his curtain.

And he loved those moments, that’s why he went along with those stupid plans so much. But all day, he has been waiting and waiting and waiting and nothing was adding up. The more time passed, the more just felt weird and then even more weird. It just didn’t feel like Henmi, not that one he knew.Upon top of him, his boyfriend just stayed silent, biting his lip as he looked over towards the stairs away from his room. Mishima sighed again, reaching out to gently stroke the taller boy’s cheek. “It’s not- I just want to make sure you’re okay, okay?” The arrest, the fake suicide, all of the hiding and quasi-isolation… Any one of those things could easily take a toll on someone, let alone all of it at once.“I’m fine,” Henmi said after a moment of quiet. Mishima started to ask again, clarify, to be sure because isn’t that what he always said when his mother and father asked about his bruises.‘Are you okay?’ 

‘I’m fine.’If they’d just asked again, maybe he would’ve given another answer.

–

Thanks for reminding me I kinda wanna finish hashing out this idea too! :D

[flatsuke]

are requests still open? :D I would like to request for a Keisuke Shijo fluff/nsfw (*´꒳`*) he's from Liar! Office deception(: he's such a babe but there's currently no fanfic for him yet coz.. he's pretty new? If you haven't played the game yet, then I would like to request for a eisuke/ota fluff(*´꒳`*). Thank you! You're an amazing writer(: all the best💜

Hi anon! Unfortunately, I haven’t played Liar yet, so I chose to write some Eisuke fluff instead (I hope you don’t mind). Thank you for the compliment and I hope you like this ^^!

Title: tête-à-tête

Summary: Eisuke can’t keep his eyes to himself, while she makes a mistake that’d seemingly jeopardize her. It doesn’t.

Genre:  Fluff, Romance

Pairing:  MC/Eisuke

a/n: this fic is based on this post i made a while back lmao. i’m kinda proud of turning a shitpost into an actual fic :’) also, eisuke and mc are dorks.

@maidofstars @2bedroom-baddestbidderlove @bolt8826

@ada254 (THANK YOU FOR YOUR IDEAS IN THE TAGS!!)

“This is a pain,” Luke said, moping. “I came all the wayhere only to find out MC isn’t here yet.”

“You do know that you’re required to be here for auctionmeetings, right?” Eisuke sipped his coffee, not even bothering to hide hisdispleasure at his own tasteless brew.

“There’s no point in being here if I don’t get to see hermagnificent collarbones today…”

“Aaand there he goes again,” Ota commented.

True enough, the penthouse wasn’t as lively as it ought tobe with MC absent. Eisuke could feel his mood quickly dampening at the taste ofcoffee that wasn’t hers. He had half a mind to page her just to salvage histaste buds, but he had to restrain himself. She worked herself to the boneyesterday, and was feeling a bit guilty.

“Well, collarbones aside, MC really is cute, huh?” Babaadded.

Eisuke felt a stinging pain in his mouth, only to realize hebit his tongue at Baba’s statement.

“Aw, come on, guys. Don’t look at me like that. Are yousaying you all seriously haven’tthought that at least once?”

The room grew a bit silent at the thief’s retort, and Eisukefound himself musing on it. Baba wasn’t wrong in the least. She was very easy on the eyes, what with the wayshe smiled at him and carried herself around him. She wore the maid’s uniformalmost every single day, but he wasn’t a fool not to see that she was hidingsomething special underneath all that. He’d be a blind idiot to thinkotherwise—not that he’d ever admit it out loud, though.

“I guess she has nice legs,” Mamoru said, taking anotherdrag.

The thought of MC diligently cleaning the room, clad in herfitted, work-prescribed stockings conjured not-so-innocent images in Eisuke’smind.

“Oh, so you’ve got a thing for legs now, Mamo?” Ota teasedback.

“Shut up. You see ‘em just as much as I do.”

Her bending down,looking for something underneath a couch, her rear facing me—

“Boss?”

Baba’s voice shook Eisuke from hisdefinitely-not-work-related trance, and Eisuke had to hide his irritation, lestthe others have an inkling of his definitely-not-work-related thoughts.

“You’re oddly quiet today,” Baba noted, the smile neverleaving his face.

“Unlike some people, I have better things to think about.” Says the man thinking about her bent over.

“Really, Eisuke? We all know you think she’s cute, so don’tbother hiding it,” Ota added smugly.

“Whatever.” Like hellI’m telling you that.

Not long after, they heard a soft knock from the door, andsure enough, she had arrived for the day’s cleaning. The others stared at heras if they had seen a ghost, but she could only look back at them curiously.

Talk about bad timing—

“Uh, is there something going on?” she asked tentatively.

“Nothing you should concern yourself with, MC!” Babachirped. “Don’t worry your pretty little mind about us.”

“Okay…” She didn’t look convinced, but she started cleaninganyway.

Try as he might, Eisuke couldn’t keep his eyes off her evenif he wanted to. Either Baba’s comment got to him, or he was starting to losehis wits.

Either way, he had to admit, there was one thing thatbothered him about Baba’s comment.

She’s definitely morethan just cute.

That night, Eisuke plopped down on his bed. It had been along day full of meetings that seemed to drone on and on, and he wanted nothingmore than to just sleep his troubles away. He unbuttoned the topmost buttons ofhis shirt before letting out a sigh.

This bed’s way too bigfor just one person.

Not that he wanted a smaller bed, but lately, he wasstarting to feel something every timehe saw the cold, empty side of his bed.

Without warning, the image of MC, immaculately sprawled on his bed, dressed in nothing but his shirt, appeared in his mind. Ashiver went down his spine before he begrudgingly realized that he should not be thinking those sorts of thingsabout his employee, of all people. Ugh, Baba’s rubbing off on me.

His phone buzzed next to him, and he scowled at the sound.Whoever the hell wanted to disturb him at this ungodly hour was about to get apiece of his mind. He was about to send the interloper a scathing reply when hesaw MC’s name on the screen.

Strange. He couldn’t remember the last time she texted himfor anything. Most of the time, their form of communication consisted of himpaging her, or the occasional call from him. She never initiated contact, asfar as he could recall. If he was being completely honest, it disheartened him.

Curious, he opened her message only to be met with asurprise.

“Holy shit. Holy fuckingshit.”

The “message” she had sent him wasn’t a work-related text oran innocent greeting. No, her message was the farthest thing from innocent—it was a picture of her in front ofher bathroom mirror, wearing nothing but lacy lingerie that left nothing to theimagination.

He had to refresh the message twice just to make sure itreally was her, and not some fantasy conjured by his overworked mind. No matterhow much he re-opened it, all he could see was her, clad in a lacy black bikiniset he never would’ve thought she’d dare to wear. Who knew that under her maid’suniform and her quiet countenance was a stunning body and an even bolderspirit? Mamoru may have called her a kid all the time, but the cop was a blindfool as far as Eisuke was concerned.

The real stinger was the caption that came with the photo:

[Do I look good inthis :) ?]

Good god, she’s goingto be the death of me.

Why the hell would she send him this? It feltout-of-character for someone as shy as she was, but he couldn’t find himself disappointedat the situation. In fact, if he had to say, he was almost…ecstatic, even. If this was her way coming on to him, then Eisuke wasn’tcomplaining anytime soon.

Nevertheless, he was still her boss. The rational side ofhim urged him to delete the photo and erase everything from his memory.

But, goddamn it, you’vewaited so long for an opportunity, and it looks like she made the first move.

That was also true. God knows how many lonely nights he’dspend with only his right hand as company and images of her lost in the throesof pleasure. He’d die before saying it out loud, but nothing save for her her seemed to excite him anymore. Thecompany of other women did nothing to rouse his blood, but even her mostmundane gesture sent him into a spiral of dwindling self-control.

He stared at the photo one last time. Maybe this was hisreward for months of sleeping alone. If there was a god out there, then damn,maybe he’d start praying if this was what faith got him.

Tomorrow, he’d confront her about it. For now, he desperatelyneeded a cold—no—freezing shower torelieve him of the uncomfortable tightness in his pants.

I’m seriously going tolose my mind.

Impatient as he was, Eisuke couldn’t wait for the next dayto come. He paged MC up to his office as soon as soon as he arrived thatmorning. If he was anxious or excited, he couldn’t tell at this point; all hewanted was to see MC as soon as possible. He even prepared some wine for themto hopefully get the message across.

He heard her knock on the door and beckoned her to come in. Eisukeschooled his most neutral expression while she looked adorably flustered,fiddling with the hem of her uniform.

“MC, you know why I called you in here, right?” he askedher, pouring some wine to appear casual.

She gulped before answering him.

“Is it because I accidentally sent you my nudes…?”

…What?

He froze and stopped pouring the moment he processed herwords.

“…Accidentally?” Thewords were ringing in his head as she nodded back at him. Suddenly, he wantednothing more than the ground to swallow him up and erase this memory from existence.

For a while, they both remained in painful silence. Theawkwardness was so palpable that Eisuke wondered if she wanted to hide in ahole as much as he did. Her unabashed blush seemed to indicate it.

But wait a minute, he thought. If she sent him the pictureby mistake, then that meant someone elsewas meant to receive it. As far as he could remember, she wasn’t dating anyoneat the moment.

Or was she? Shecould very well be dating one of the other auction managers right now and hewould be none the wiser.

He felt a pang of white-hot fury at the thought of one ofthem raking their eyes all over her, pressing their lips on her smooth skin,savoring the cries from her lips and—

“Mr. Ichinomiya,” she said, looking away from him. “Just…pleaseforget this ever happened. It was a complete accident, and I swear this’llnever happen again—“

“Who did you mean to send it to?”

“E—excuse me?”

“Just answer the question.” For my peace of mind.

She was still blushing, but she forced herself to speakanyway.

“…Look, I don’t know why youhave to know, but my friend gave me some lingerie as a birthday present, andshe wanted me to send her a picture to show that it fit me. Your name justhappened to be next to hers on my contact list, so…”

Eisuke inwardly let out a sigh of relief. If it had beensome cretin, god knows what he would’ve done.

“Sir, I really think you should just delete the photo andpretend this never happened.”

True, he probably should. If he were a good boss and apolite gentleman, he’d delete the photo to save them both the potential trouble(not to mention awkwardness) in the future. Then they could both resume theirlives as if nothing happened.

The only problem was he was neither of those things.

“How about this instead?” Eisuke suggested. “It’d be unfairto you if you were the only one in a compromising position. I’ll be sure toreturn the favor, then we’ll be even. Deal?”

“I really don’t understand…”

“You’ll see soon enough.” Eisuke took a long sip of his wine,easing his earlier tension.

“By the way, you didn’t look half-bad.”

If she was blushing a while ago, then she was positivelybeet red now.

“Oh, um, thank you…”

She left his office after giving a hurried bow, and Eisukecould only smirk at how his plan would come to fruition very soon.

That night, MC plopped on her own bed, dead tired from theday’s events. Today was absolutely mortifying,to say the least. She really hadn’t meant to send him the godforsaken photo,and she thought she had sealed her doom the moment she realized she sent it to Mr. Ichinomiya, of all people.

God, I really thoughtI was gonna die back there.

But the look on his face when she told him it was an accident—itwas the same look he’d always have whenever he drank someone else’s coffee. Itwas the look he had whenever he’d try to pet an animal, only to have it claw athim in retaliation.

It was, dare she say it, disappointment.

Come on. Like he’d bedisappointed by something like that.

And yet, the look on his face when she told him the picturewas meant for a friend—it was undeniably relief.

She didn’t know what to believe anymore, and there was afluttering in her stomach she couldn’t shake off. It only grew worse when sheremembered his earlier compliment.

Get it together, MC!He’s your boss, for crying out loud.

Her phone buzzed, and she picked it up only to see that Mr.Ichinomiya sent her a text.

After what happened, she could only feel apprehension atwhat was to come. Surely, he was going to fire her after today. God, now she neededto look for a new job, too. Great.

Shakily, her finger swiped the phone screen to open themessage.

“…What is this?”

The room suddenly became very warm, and all the blood rushedto her cheeks the moment the screen changed.

It wasn’t a brief text, but rather, a picture of himself. Hewas standing in front of his own bathroom mirror wearing only his blackboxer-briefs, giving her a delicious, unadulterated view of his lean, chiseledbuild. She had to gulp at the distinct V-line that ran down his hips and into…that place.

There was a caption that came along with the photo, and MChad to blink twice to make sure she wasn’t seeing things:

[Now we’re even. Belatedhappy birthday ;)]

Facing him tomorrow was going to be one hell of a task.

[pissed-off-and-tired]

hey y’all? 

I misidentified myself for 7 years. 

 (I think this is the most accurate order but honestly i have shit memory(and psychosis OTL) so some of it could be wrong.)

when i was 11 i realized i didn’t like boys and thought i had to be a lesbian. When i got to middle school my best friend at the time was one and she told me she thought i was too. i spent a good portion of my middle school experience wearing knee high converse and poking holes through my fingernails with sewing needles in the school bathroom with her to put little piercings in them because she told me that was what lesbians did and i kinda just did whatever she said. She was the only one who knew at the time. i had a big messy falling out with her halfway through 8th grade when i started to realize i was just doing what she wanted me to and kinda just started thinking about video games i liked more than my sexuality.

Once i first got to high school around age 14 i met this bad ass punk girl who bleached a part of her hair, didn’t take anyone’s shit and cut her fingernails into claws to get the point across. She had a girlfriend who didn’t go to our school and was the first person to introduce me to the concept of pansexuality. The thing is, she identified as pansexual AND demisexual so for some reason i got the two confused and ended up thinking pansexual meant “someone attracted to everyone but only after a close bond is formed”. It was about this time that i started thinking about my sexuality again. I thought “huh... i kinda feel the same how i do for men that i do for women.. I guess that means i’m attracted to both? but i only really like people after i get to know them.” So I started calling myself pansexual(well, i really meant pan demi, but that was what i called it). To my friends online at least. I never told anyone irl this.

When i was 15 in sophmore year, the cool punk girl had moved away and i was surrounded by essentially only cishet boys and one girl in a tech club. My parents also found out about my online friends and made me stop talking to them. So I didn’t have anyone who knew about me calling myself pansexual. I started trying to convince myself I was straight. This was a combination of the homophobic/transphobic jokes i was hearing every day and the fact I kinda convinced myself over the years i was supposed to “make up” crushes and could actively choose who i was attracted to.

late sophmore or early junior year, i can’t remember which at 16 when i first heard the word asexual. However, the first time i heard it wasn’t a good time to hear it. I heard it from one of the boys who told homophobic/transphobic “jokes”. I remember distinctly crowding around his old outdated flip phone to look at chan screencaps about “sjws”. I actually have found the EXACT post they were looking at.

I kinda just laughed about it with them at the time because i had literally no one to turn to besides this group of assholes and kinda just listened to and believed everything they told me because, if i’m being honest, i was a fucking idiot who didn’t know how to think for myself. I’ve definitely learned since then. It was a toxic environment filled with toxic people but that’s beside the point. 

Then i got really into an animation short i found on the internet. I’m like 90% sure this was in october of junior year. It was a bit of a less known short so I decided to start following the tumblr tag for it. Before i had only really used tumblr to follow a few of those “bad art” blogs(you know the ones), post my art and a follow few of my friends. Honestly I think I owe the entirety of all the good parts of my life now to this one student film. When i started spending more time on tumblr and following more people i was exposed to a lot more feminism and good things like that and learned more about the lgbt community. 

I learned the actual definition of asexual and started privately identifying as that by february. But i was still not willing to call myself aromantic as well. By spring break of junior year, i straight up left the tech club without another word to anyone in it and sat alone for three weeks at lunch. After that i found a group of friends im still very close to this day. after i found out another person in the group was out as lgbt i told everyone in the group that i was asexual(it later came out that EVERYONE in the group was lgbt lol). I thought about my romantic orientation a lot. then later when was asked by the other lgbt person in the group about my romantic orientation. I told them i was a lesbian. I kinda looped back to the beginning again.

It was over THAT summer that i started finally recognizing that what i had been experiencing with my body and the feelings around it that got worse when i hit puberty was dysphoria so i started iding as agender privately because i wasn’t sure. When natter got popular as the “shitposting platform” in october of senior year I put my pronouns in my bio as “he/she/they” and put my orientation as “bi ace”. 

I slowly moved on to “bi greyaro ace” by the time i had graduated. it wasn’t until october of last year that i finally accepted that i was trans masc but was still calling myself just a binary trans man and started using he/him pronouns and didn’t feel attraction at all. I was 18 at the time. I came out to my dad as trans with my therapist in february of this year and started t in august.

I’m still not sure if im completely right about myself. It might change in the future but if it doesn’t? It’s okay. I currently Id as an asexual trans masc nb. I’ve been looking into the label “solarian”.

Would I go back in time and spoil the ending for 11 year old me if I could? Would I save myself the trouble of mislabeling myself so fucking many times and just tell myself what’s right? 

No. I don’t think I would.

It wasn’t easy or clean and honestly i was suicidal for most of it. especially when i first stated iding as asexual. But I think questioning my gender and orientation over the years gave me countless new experiences and helped form me as a person. 

So I don’t regret it. Its okay to be wrong about your labels. Its okay for your labels to change. If you feel like a label might fit you, its okay to try it on for size. Walk around in it for a while. You can always trade it in for a different one later.

please don’t put your opinions on my life or my experiences or any discourse at all in the notes or tags.

[tylerbiard]

Y and Z

Do you guys remember when analysts, insiders, and marketers were trying to “crack” the Millennials (Gen Y)?  It wasn’t even that long ago when articles on figuring out how to connect with my generation were vogue.  My dad even attended a conference on how to integrate Millennials into the workforce, circa 2010.  It still happens from time to time, but now, things are shifting towards figuring out my successor, Gen Z.  Makes sense, I guess, considering they’re almost as large as the Millennials and the Boomers, and despite the oldest members being 21 (born in 1996), people haven’t really been looking at the differences between those my age and those born a decade later, largely because they’ve often been lumped in with Millennials.

I’m towards the tail end of the Millennials (born in ‘93), and so I have some friends that are at the beginning of Gen Z, but overall, my friends tend to be Millennials, both younger and older.  In some regards, I find more similarities with early Gen Z members than older Millennials, but altogether, I’d say my affinities are definitely more with the Millennials than Gen Z.  That’s not a slight against Gen Z, rather just a noted difference, which will probably become blurred as we all get older anyways.  Going back to school well past when most people do also puts into perspective a bit of the difference; many of my classmates in first year courses were fresh outta high school (born in ‘98) and it does make me wonder where things are headed as Gen Z grows and matures, and where the generation follows it takes us as a society.

With the Millennials, Boomers and Gen Xers had to learn how to professionally work with a generation that grew up with the Internet in its infancy, with a generation that was given so much from its parents, including growing up being told we’re each our own “special snowflake” and that we should reach for the stars, and so long as we got a degree -- any degree -- we’d be happy.  We were considered idealistic, liberal, and tech-savvy.

Well, now, everyone’s used to it, and perhaps because Gen Z is also very tech-savvy and educated and grew up being given participation ribbons, nobody sought out the difference until more recently.  But there are differences.  Gen Z is more conservative apparently (I don’t see it in terms of social issues), more into “branding” oneself and generally more consumerist.  Gen Z is also way more immersed in digital technology than I ever was growing up.  I remember into junior high knowing people who still didn’t have Internet or a cell phone; I can’t see that really happening now except in extreme scenarios.  Furthermore, they grew up with high speed internet, not that dial up shit I had. 

I’m still one to prefer browsing on a stationary, desktop computer, rather than on my phone.  The phone is often more handy when I’m out, but if I have a choice, I’ll always go for the computer.  Which is partly why I loathe mobile-specific social media for not being more browser-friendly.  Being a photographer is no doubt an influence here, as I like being able to view visual media on a larger screen.  But I also grew up with desktops, and was used to having to physically go home to chat with people on MSN, and when I was out, I was basically disconnected.  I had a cell phone, sure, but I wasn’t texting on it (which was expensive) or browsing the ‘Net on it (which was even more expensive).  None of that happened until I got a Blackberry in 12th grade.  Millennials grew up around the PC; Generation Z grew up around iPads and iPhones.  Apparently, on average, Generation Z does not value time offline, while I personally value being disconnected on occasion (not permanently -- I’m not that much of a luddite).  I know when I’ve spent too much time in front of screens.

Gen Z is also more visual.  Well, I’m a photographer, so I’m naturally a very visual person, so this works for me on some level.  And as a Millennial, I’m not unaware of short attention spans among my cohort.  As digital technology continues to make inroads, it only makes sense that attention spans continue to wane.  But even still, I’m here, writing long blog posts and I enjoy photoblogs which are more long-form as well.  They aren’t easily digestable, though, which is why there are less viewers.  It makes sense that social media, then, has moved towards less politicized, more mobile and visually-orientated platforms like Snapchat and Instagram, while Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr are waning, especially among Gen Z.  I’m not too happy about that, to be honest.  I find value in political discourse and believe that if we don’t fight for rights we may as well not have them.   You’re not getting discourse if you’re busy posting aesthetic selfies on Snapchat.  It seems like youth (including Millennials) have kinda accepted things as they are, and, perhaps due to overstimulation, are a bit fatigued at all the information out there, and so there is a certain sense of complacency.  The general mood of memes seems to be “yeah, the world is shit, I’ve accepted it doesn’t make sense and therefore I’m gonna shitpost rather than do anything about it.”  Maybe I’m reading into it too much but I’ve seen others corroborate this mindset.  It’s quite a different mentality from 7 years ago, when Twitter was at peak, which is all about discourse, often political.  I don’t think the interface of many websites now helps, which bombard you with ads and offers before you can see anything.

It’s a bit early to say, as the youngest Gen Zers are between 0 and 7, depending on who you ask, but I hope one thing that Gen Z and its parents (mostly Gen X) learn from the Millennials is regarding education.  It seems like the eldest members of Z were brought up with the same ideas as us, though.  I hope that they realize that it is important still to follow what you’re passionate about and you do need to find something of a career that you will enjoy, but I hope that there is more of a practicality about it.  My generation was told we’d be set as long as we had a degree -- any degree -- and I can tell you that that simply isn’t the case.  It isn’t that there are “worthless” degrees, but that there are degrees which require you to market yourself harder than if you got an Engineering degree and then becoming an Engineer.  I already know a few older Millennials who went down that path, and are or have gone back to school later for something more practical yet still enjoyable.  Academia works for certain fields, certainly, and the program I’m in is practical, but we’ve flooded universities too much because we’ve imbibed the idea that we need a degree to succeed, which is utter poppycock.  A lot of people in university would be better suited to a technical school or a diploma of some sort, which often yield great success without having to pay back a mountain of student loans.  I don’t know if Gen Z will learn this, as I know parents of Gen Z kids who’ve really imbibed the post-secondary ideal as much, if not more, than the Millennial’s parents.

I guess if you’re reading between the lines, I’m a bit sardonic about the future.  It’s nothing to do with Millennials or Gen Z specifically, as we’re both products of the time we grew up in.  A friend of mine joked that I was “born too late” and, considering how slow I sometimes I am with accepting technological trends and how much I like late 20th century pop culture, maybe he’s got a point.  But it’s always easy to romanticize the past.  The ‘50s were great, if you don’t factor in how close we were to nuclear annihilation or how discriminatory the hegemony was.  Furthermore, I’ve definitely become far more aware of things due to being able to access the Internet than if I grew up in an earlier time.  Despite the overstimulation, I think we can take for granted how much more aware we are able to be now; friction of distance has been reduced to rubble.  Also, my earlier comments about Gen Z favouring visual, favouring mobile, really apply to us all.  Millennials have orientated towards these formats, as well as older generations.  It definitely seems like my grandparents are more into their smartphone than they ever were Windows 98.  It’s just Gen Z is the generation that has no basis of comparison to a pre-mobile era, just like Millennials can’t compare to a pre-Internet age (except maybe some of our eldest members), and both have an influence on their respective generation.

Still, I’m not only curious how I’ll survive progress, but how society will as a whole.  America is in late empire, and there is no new Western power to take the helm like after Britain.  It’ll be interesting how that plays out for still-maturing Western countries like Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, but it seems like we’re shifting to a pre-Columbian paradigm dominated by the East.  As with any change, there’s uncertainty, although America will likely remain a major player in geopolitics for the long term, even if less hegemonic in scope.  I’m even more curious about what will become of us once those degrees we hammered thousands upon thousands of dollars on are rendered obsolete by AI.  Some say the singularity is nigh, some say it already happened and we were too busy tweeting to notice.  But I don’t think it has happened in the Kurzweilian sense, and once that happens, it’ll be interesting to see where things go.  If we can “survive” it, we’ll probably be better off.  But then there’s still climate change.  Maybe once we become a (hypothetical) Kardashev Type 1 civilization, we’ll have progressed towards not killing ourselves over differences and will have finally survived progress. 

But for now, I still have to live in a world ruled by filters and brands, all-the-while we became increasingly connected yet disconnected.  Maybe I’ll fuck off to Dawson City before having to bear the full front of our digital future.  Sounds nicer for someone unwilling to embrace digital advances like so many of my peers.  Then again, how different, really, is seeing a bunch of people, disparately glued to their phones, from seeing a different bunch of people glued to their books.  Despite being social animals, we’ve long desired our own “space” and privacy, at least in the Western world.

[c-e-d-dreamer]

Hey idk if you are still looking for prompts because I scrolled pretty far back, but if so, how about "that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard let's do it" or ”it’s a long story that involves a lot of blood, a couple squirrels, and one hell of a headache” for any of the foxes? Thanks, I love love love your writing and I've really enjoyed looking through your blog!

I’m always accepting prompts! And thank you so much for the lovely compliments! I hope you enjoy! This is basically a shitpost in fic form. It’s a crack fic. I’m not even sorry. Also you probably need to suspend a lot of disbelief for this; just roll with it

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard; let’s do it”

—

Neil is still trying to get the hang of his new phone. Nickyhad insisted that he upgrade to this century and had practically dragged Neilto the mall to purchase an iPhone. The rest of the Foxes were more than happyabout the change, some money even exchanging hands, but there’s so much goingon with his phone now. Before, all Neil had to worry about were text messagesand phone calls, but now there’s a bunch of apps that Nicky keeps trying toteach him. He thinks he’s starting to get a handle on Snapchat thanks to thedaily snaps from Allison. At the very least, he’s no longer confused by the waythey disappear after opening them. And Instagram seems easy enough, so Neiltries to keep track of that so he can see Renee’s posts from around the world.

Neil can admit that the ESPN app is great. It’s set up tosend him notifications for Exy news and score updates. It’s that app that iscurrently dinging at Neil as he makes his way across campus. The trade deadlineis coming up for the National Exy League, and Neil’s been trying to keep up andfollow the changes. After Neil reads the latest update, the striker tries tosee the current NCAA standings, but his new phone isn’t cooperating. He bats atthe screen a few times, but when it finally switches over to NCAA Exy, it’s thenews page. Neil lets out a frustrated noise and is about to just give up when aheadline catches his eye.

Neil scrolls through and reads the article the whole wayback to Fox Tower. He still has his phone out and the page open as he unlocksthe door to his dorm. The room is full of people, but Neil has learnt to beunsurprised by that. Nicky and Aaron are in the beanbags, a video game of somesort blaring on the television. Kevin is sprawled out on the couch with hislaptop in his lap while Andrew is perched on his desk by the window.

“Hey, Neil,” Nicky greets, not taking his eyes off the gamehe’s playing. “How was class?”

“Did you guys know someone tried to steal the University ofTexas’ mascot last night? Not the costume; the actual longhorn.”

“How unoriginal,” Nicky says. “That’s like the oldest prankin the book. I mean everyone’s—”

Nicky cuts off as he finally draws his eyes away and meetsNeil’s, his face contorting into a mix of guilt and regret. The backliner openshis mouth again, but whatever rambling remedy was on the tip of his tongue, he swallowsit down and snaps his lips shut. When no one else in the room has anything toadd, Neil resigns himself to his desk. He can feel Andrew’s eyes boring intohis cheek, but the striker focuses on outlining his upcoming essay until practice.

The news story gets forgotten, blurred away by drills andbickering freshmen and a scrimmage. But it’s still nestled a place in the backof Neil’s mind, niggling in the periphery of his thoughts persistently. By thetime he’s changing out after practice, it’s made its way back to the forefront.

He thinks about the article, about Nicky’s cut off words, ashe and Andrew sit up on the roof, the nighttime humid and inky around them. Hismind is a whirlwind of thoughts tangled up with the billows of smoke wisping inthe evening breeze. He almost doesn’t notice the distinctive smell of nicotineor the way his cigarette has burned down to the filter. He doesn’t realize he’szoned out on the twinkling lights of the campus until the cool, feather lighttouch across the back of his hand pulls him back.

When Neil looks to his right, Andrew is already watchingback. He raises an eyebrow in question at the striker’s silence, and Neil stubsout his cigarette.

“Do you think I’m missing out?” Neil asks. “Having not donea prank before?”

Andrew doesn’t say anything in response. He watches Neil fora few more moments before he stubs out his own cigarette. He beckons his headtowards the roof door, and Neil tries not to read too much into it as the tworetreat down to their dorm.

The next morning before heading to the gym for workouts,Andrew drags Neil and Kevin next door. The goalkeeper picks the lock with anease Neil feels he shouldn’t be surprised by at this point. The three burstinto the room where Aaron and Nicky are tucked into the kitchenette withsteaming mugs cradled in their hands. Neither bats an eye at the intrusion.

“We’re stealing a mascot tonight,” Andrew says to the room.

“What?!” Kevin squeaks out from just inside the doorway.

“That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” Nicky says,setting down his mug. “Let’s do it.”

“What.”

“Oh, come on, Kevin, it’ll be fun!” Nicky reasons. “I betyou’ve never pulled a prank either. And it’ll be like a senior prank for you.It works out perfectly!”

“While that’s all well and good,” Aaron pipes up. “Where areyou going to steal this mascot from? Most schools don’t have real animalmascots these days. We certainly don’t have a fox running around.”

“University of Texas has a real animal mascot,” Neil says.

“You want us to travel all the way to the University ofTexas?” Aaron asks, tone deadpan.

“There has to be somewhere closer,” Nicky offers, fiddlingwith his phone for a moment. “University of North Carolina! That’s not too farto drive.”

“There’s no way we’re fitting a ram in my car,” Andrew says.

“Matt has a truck,” Neil suggests.  

It’s at that moment that Matt walks out of the bathroom,toothbrush hanging between his teeth and phone pressed to his ear. Hisexpression startles when he notices all pairs of eyes on him.

“Hey, Matt,” Neil says. “Can we borrow your truck tonight?”

“We’re driving up to UNC tonight to steal their mascot,”Nicky jumps in to explain. “You in?”

Neil thinks it must be a sign that Matt’s been living withNicky and Aaron too long because the backliner just shrugs in acceptance.

“I’m going to have to call you back, Dan,” Matt says intohis phone. “We’re kidnapping Rameses.”

- - -

Researching during lunch reveals that UNC has a small farmon their campus. It acts as a training center for students studying veterinarysciences, but it also doubles as Rameses’ home. It seems easy enough to get to,and the farm being tucked away from the dorms means students shouldn’t bemilling about.

It should be easy.

Their first complication arrives before they even get oncampus. After dinner, everyone changes into black clothes and piles into Matt’struck, and then they’re heading up north along the interstate. It’s a bit of ahike through North Carolina, but luckily, the sun has long since set by thetime they’re nearing the campus. Matt directs the truck towards the entrance thatwill bring them closest to the farm, but security stops them to check forschool ID’s.

Despite Matt’s sweet talking and Nicky’s attemptedexplanation that they’re attending an on-campus party, the security guardremains unimpressed and stubborn, turning them away. Matt ends up parking thetruck outside a row of off-campus houses, and the group sneaks onto the campus.

UNC is bigger than PSU, and as Neil looks around at thedifferent buildings looming over him, it’s a bit disorientating, and yet there’sno mistaking that thrum of excitement. They keep mostly to the shadows and keeptheir heads down, trying not to draw attention to themselves. As collegestudents themselves, they at least blend in a little.  

After a few wrong turns down campus roads, they find thefarm. They hop over the fence and make their way up the dirt path to the barn. Neilmakes quick work of picking the lock and they all slip inside. The poignantsmell of manure and livestock hits them like a tsunami wave, and Neil puts ahand over his mouth to try and stifle it. Similar reactions ripple through thegroup. Nicky, Matt, and Aaron pull out their phones to provide light as theymove further into the barn. Neil peers into the first cubby on his left only tocome face to face with a horse.

“Aw this one has a cute little pig in it,” Nicky says fromfurther down. “We should take this too.”

“Focus, Nicky,” Kevin snaps.

Neil has to stifle a laugh at Nicky’s muttered response ashe continues to look for the ram. The next cubby he checks has a donkeysleeping inside, though.

“Hey!” Matt exclaims. “I found him!”

Everyone joins Matt and crowds around the cubby. Rameses hasbacked into the far corner. He stares at them all for a few moments beforeletting out a bleat. Matt, Nicky, and Kevin begin a murmured argument aboutwhat to do next when Andrew opens the door to the cubby and steps inside, arope in his hand that he ties around Rameses to lead the ram out. Once they getRameses out of the barn, they move as a slow huddle down the road in an attemptto hide their deed. Andrew ends up handing the rope over to Aaron so he canlead the group when it becomes apparent no one else can remember the way backto Matt’s truck.

A security guard is making rounds around the campus, so theyhave to duck between the shadows of two buildings while they wait for him topass. It’s at this moment that Rameses becomes fed up with his captors. A swiftkick to Aaron’s shins leaves the backliner recoiling in pain and dropping therope. Rameses takes the opportunity to escape, darting out from their hidingspot. Matt and Neil are quick to chase after the ram, but running into thelight of the streetlamps reveals that the security guard isn’t as far away asthey anticipated and the bleating has drawn his attention.

“Hey!” the security guard shouts, already running in theirdirection. “What do you think you’re doing?!”

“Oh shit,” Neil says under his breath.

“Time to go,” Andrew says, grabbing a fistful of the back ofNeil’s shirt and tugging.

“Wait! What about Rameses?” Matt asks, gesturing towards theparking lot the ram is tearing through.  

“Leave him!” Nicky shouts, taking hold of Matt’s wrist andyanking him away.

They can hear the security guard getting closer, his poundingfootsteps and his shouts of needing backup. No one needs to be told twice. Theysqueeze out the other side of the buildings and break into sprints, scatteringin different directions.

Neil can feel the adrenaline thrumming in his veins. Itleaves his ears ringing and his heart pounding in his chest as his feet smackagainst the ground. Andrew veers off to the right in front of him, and Neilfollows. The shortcut takes them through the brush, and branches cut at Neil’sarms and ankles. It does nothing to quiet the thrill bubbling in his chest.

Matt’s truck comes into view, Aaron and Kevin alreadywaiting in the bed. Nicky and Matt come tearing in from the other side, yankingthe doors of the cab open to clamber inside.

“Do you think the ram is alright?” Matt asks, out of breath.

“That’s not important right now, Matthew! Drive!” Nickyshouts.

Andrew practically bodily throws Neil into the truck bedbefore jumping in himself. Matt kicks the truck into gear and peels away fromthe curb, tires screeching in his wake. As Matt speeds off, Neil can’t help thegiddy laughter that bubbles out of him, taking him over until there are tearsin his eyes.

“Well that was fun.”

“Junkie.”

// Send me prompts!!! // 

[someoneandnoone-blog-blog]

So, things that I do while at work and at home is listen to books, documentaries, Ted talks, and self help seminars. Yeah I’m an old person we don’t have to talk about that.

Anyways, I was 2/3’s of my way through my degree in microbiology and I’m a ho for for all things biology so a lot of what I listen to is biology based. I love listening to people talk about microbreweries and baking because microbes working to help our food taste better is super cool and I’m honestly fascinated by glycolysis and at some point had all the products/enzymes of that and the citric acid cycle memorized and was in the process of learning the entire periodic table for another class. So a lot of stuff like that, but also parasites are fricken dope and plants domescated humans and wolves domescated themselves because we had food scraps of food, and alien life does exist, but in my opinion it’s microbial. Change my mind I dare you.

But today I picked up an audio recording of a very well done essay by Anne Helen Petersen called ‘Burn Out Generation’ and it was just talking about a generational burnout of millennials. It got me thinking. Now my friend group is what is known as ‘young millennials’ and honestly I’m pretty sure me and my friends older than me are the only ones actually classified as millennials. The oldest in our group is 27? And the youngest is 19. Anyways, I categorized us into three different groups and its crazy, but makes sense.

There’s a group of us that realized our bachelors degrees were not good enough for the job market and turned around and went to grad school. There are four of them. One of them is in their last year of gradschool and hate themselves because they haven’t taken a single break from school even when they were going through chemotherapy. Two aren’t working in their field of study becasue the companies they were looking at stopped hiring because of COVID and the decrease in projects hence no reason for entry level architects with masters degrees. I haven’t checked in on them in a while actually. And one of them is making hella good money working in their field and bought a house with their signing bonus and their company is paying their student loans for them as part of their contract. They hate themselves becasue they work in the health care field and are working crazy hours and just took a week off for their wedding and are so exhausted they wish they had a second week off work.

You have the group I belong in. There are five of us currently. All of us are college drop outs. My mom had a stroke and I moved back to help out and now all I have to show for it is crippling debt and way too much knowledge on microbes and why first hand knowledge in the indirect ELISA method (seriously I can do one in my sleep because that was the main test we ran in my research lab), but seriously the thought of going back scares me, because then I would be in group 1.

Anyways, that’s wildly off topic. For the rest of group two: One of us went to a Christian college and got bullied so bad because he is an openly gay man and dropped out. He literally went to the first school that accepted him offered him the most scholarship money and didn’t think about campus culture. Expensive life lesson learned. One of us dropped out and moved home because of COVID. One us went to school for a year and realized they didn’t want to and the fourth couldn’t afford it after two years and was forced to drop out. Every single one of is in a very specific spot where we are all working between 1-2 jobs at any given time, 50-80 hour work weeks most weeks, most of us making double minimage wage at at least one of our jobs (which to be clear is 7.25 in my state. Its a pretty easy to do when your working for tips depending on where you work), and we can’t touch the rent market without 2-3 roommates, let alone think about paying back our student loans, getting married or having kids or sometimes buying more than one iced coffee a week.

The third group of us are those 19 year-olds I was talking about that want to go to college, but didn’t go becasue of COVID and are now watching the rest of us struggle with our student loan debt and realized just how deep we are and now they are not sure they even want to go after Covid is over. Sorry babies, we will try to keep it to ourselves more.

But the one thing that all of us have in common is when we are working those crazy work weeks we hate ourselves because we never have time for anything (not a covid but shitpost, but I didn’t play video games or read fanfiction for 3 weeks straight because I worked literally every hour I was awake: 18 on 6 off 18 on 5 hours off followed by an open to close is so that for 3 weeks before I had a nervous break down) Or we have all this time because the schedule got messed up or we got called off becasue two people were scheduled (happens at my main job all the time. We finally found the solution after 3 weeks of switching whos being called off that week) and then we hate ourselves because losing an 8 hour shift can be the difference in eating real food or scrapping by on ramen.

I’m not saying my life is harder than anyone else. Let me be clear every single one of us that is in group two that’s doing that shit, it’s because we want to. We live in a society as millennials that being working poor is better than being below the proverty line (in our opinions and I’m sure many others). I can’t even imagine what its like for people that work minamum wage jobs (which happens at my main job I am very lucky to be in my overnight position) and try to make ends meet. I know a girl that’s in high school at my second job that applied because when covid started her family couldn’t afford to pay for high speed internet and a laptop. If she didn’t work she would not be able to graduate on time. That’s more fucked than what’s going in my friend group. We do it because we like money and living on our own not because we actually have to.

But like my question after the essay is, WHO THE HELL CAN AFFORD BURN OUT IN THIS ECONOMY. YOU DIAGNOSED ME AND CALLED ME OUT LIKE THE LITTLE BITCH I AN, BUT THAT DOESN’T PAY MY BILLS. But seriously, I can confirm that group 2 is living off of redbull and spite at this point.

But seriously, if you made it through this post this far, does anyone have any burnout tips? I sit in restaurants alone late at night between jobs with my phone on silent and watch anime until I have to go to my other job.

But seriously, a lot of us feel guilty for the little free time we have. I heard of one of us starting to do door dash to get a little bit of extra cash on the side when he gets a dip in hours and that just doesn’t sound fun. And while I don’t think that’s okay, I think that is a temporary solution for a right now problem and right now for most of us money is more important than our physical/mental health and that’s what is causing the burn out.

But seriously. If you read this, leave your burnout tips. I would love to hear them. Because your girl cried in the bathroom at work tonight because something outside of my control happened and I had to say 2 extra hours.

I personally just wanna go back to the days of playing Pokémon on my gameboy color...

[oddcontent]

The sisters and the Boys

This is relatively old. About a year old? It’s unfinished and my thoughts have since been updated since, but i’ll still put this up because our blog is lonely :P

Maybe I’ll do a revised post later, but for now here are some relationship headcanons as well as personality details on my twins, Yin and Yang!

Yin - Green Heart, Kindness

Yin is the more introverted one of the two sisters. Yin grew up reading with the Nancy Drew books and children’s mystery books and loves the idea of solving crime and catching bad guys. Yin is often quiet among company, often found reading on her phone or at the side of Yang, the more outgoing sister than with anyone else. Her more snarky, silly personality is let out by the encouragement of Yang and friends. Yin is fierce with her love and protective of her loved ones, when befriended Yin will be friendly and polite but keep you at a distance until finally she’ll love you before she likes you if you’re willing to stick around. She’ll run to your side in a time of crisis to help you, save you and maybe give cuff to the head or punch to the shoulder for the trouble but she’s with you all the way. Yin enjoys giving commentary to movies and overjoyed when encouraged instead of shushed by present company, orange juice, disney movies and visual novels.

Yang - Red Heart, Determination

Unlike Yin, Yang was much more readily into befriending others. Yang is charming and affectionate, often wrapping her arms around shoulders of friends, linking arms to drag her sister away on an adventure, or just to obnoxiously give you a poke on the nose with a ‘boop’. She’s a bit of a flirt, and is quick to fall into love and often out of it. Craves commitment but also fearful of it which often leads to a string of break ups. High school was a terror. (Yin had a lot of assholes to punch) Is fierce when wronged, but a bit more bark and little bite when in a confrontation. Is just as silly and goofy as her sister and enjoys raunchy pick up lines. No, not to be used. To laugh at. (“If you're feeling down, I can feel you up. “ “That’s worse than the last one, sis. And stop sending me shitposts, we’re literally sitting right next to each other!” “Haaahaha!”) Yin LOVES rpg games. She likes the heavy emphasis on storytelling. (If this was real life and she played Undertale, you bet your ass she’d throw herself into the fandom faster than Frisk fell Underground)

Both sisters enjoy horror movies. To be accurate, Yang is eager to watch, Yin more hesitant but curious. By the end of the night, Yang is clutching onto her sister with a death grip and both sisters are screeching at the screen. Yang to warn the humans of the coming danger, and Yin out of anger for the stupidity of the protagonists. Yang loves Korean dramas. Loves them. Yin is forced to watch alongside her and provides commentary. Both girls play otome games, but Yin is a completionist and wants to get all the endings and Yang squeals and rants about her favorite characters. Anime is argued and debated about constantly between the twins.

Note: Yin and Yang aren’t actually their real names. They just started calling each other that because both are better at things the other aren’t and they decided that they would balance each other out better if they could keep themselves in check. Especially when insecurities and anxiety rises.

Undertale

Sans

I see an easy friendship to develop, Sans could watch movies with Yin and he won’t tell her to be quiet when she gets fired up and throws popcorn at the screen, they both make fun of actors and predict what happens next. Yin would be exasperated with Sans’ joke but she’ll smile, and maybe snort if it’s a very clever one, which would mean Sans would have to make MORE so she could do it again. Yin asks questions. A lot. She asks about the underground, Sans’ various jobs, the sock in the living room, the trash tornado and...probably figure out Sans’ scientific background from his various physics books. Sans is secretive and Yin is curious enough and smart enough to realize that and try to poke or ask questions which would probably cause Sans to withdraw. Yin wouldn’t pry out of any malicious intent, simply a desire to know but this would put a strain on their friendship and anything more if Yin were to push. Luckily, Yin wouldn’t want to make Sans’ uncomfortable to pursue it and respects his privacy. But if say someone blabbed a bit, like Papyrus or Alphys...it doesn’t hurt to peep a question or two, right?

Yang enjoys corny jokes, bad jokes, simply for the sake that they’re obviously bad, so she’d enjoy Sans’ company. Yang might be a bit much for Sans who isn’t a physically affectionate dude in general, but Yang is just as content to communicate with Sans over the phone as she is in person. It’d do the bone boy good to have someone spoil him though, Yang would happily do so. Yang could probably fall for Sans...it’s staying that’s the problem. She won’t cheat, or have wandering eyes, Yang’s a good girl but she doesn’t have much experience with long term relationships past the ‘honeymoon phase’ and she’s a bit of a romantic and likes little gestures while Sans is more of a casual sort of guy. If they end up in a romantic relationship it’ll have to depend on them both if it stays that way.

Papyrus

Papyrus finds Yin’s detective habits fascinating! It’s sort of like puzzles. You have to solve things! Yin finds Papyrus’ enthusiasm endearing and, like with Yang, lets herself be dragged along on whatever adventure Papyrus would take her on. She’d easily be spurred along by his energy and would be right along with him, cooking spaghetti together or driving around in his race car and looking out for ‘CRIMINALS AND HOOLIGANS!’. But, she’ll probably tire out a lot faster than Papyrus would so he’ll have to carry her around on his back while Papyrus tells her stories about his achievements, Sans, the Royal guard, Fluffy Bunny, anything that comes to mind. Yin has never dated anyone or even fooled around but gets the biggest crush on Papyrus during their friendship. But who wouldn’t really? She wouldn’t know what to do about it and she wouldn’t act on it so they’ll just continue on with their shenanigans until Papyrus finally turns to her and goes “YIN! HUMAN, I FIND I ENJOY YOUR COMPANY VERY MUCH! SO MUCH THAT WE’VE BECOME GREAT FRIENDS! BEST FRIENDS AND I! WOULD VERY MUCH...LIKE TO BE MORE. I WOULD BE HONORED IF YOU WENT ON A DATE WITH ME!”

How could Yin possibly say no?

Besties!!! Such enthusiasm! And Papyrus likes platonic cuddling, Yang can hug him whenever she wants! Yang’s already in love. Well, until Papyrus turns her down. “I’M VERY FLATTERED YANG, BUT I JUST DON’T FEEL LIKE THAT FOR YOU! PLUS I KNOW YOU LIKE KISSING AND I DON’T HAVE LIPS!” Yang isn’t that heartbroken, she wasn’t actually in love but she did consider dating him. She accepts and they’re the best of buds. ...Until she develops feelings for real. And then the insecurity hits. What was she thinking before? She can’t date Pap! Pap needs someone who can keep at his own pace (not literally, most people can’t keep up with Papyrus at his pace) someone who doesn’t go through relationships like they do with soap. Yang moves pretty fast and Papyrus is...so good. Oh boy. If Pap and Yang date, Papyrus is gonna have to have a talk with Yang. Despite how Yang feels about herself, she would never rush Papyrus through their relationship and in fact would be a good relationship starter, should they ever break up. Papyrus gives Yang encouragement and positive reinforcement. A good noodle, Papyrus is.

Underfell

Red

Haha well shit. A flirty, bold skeleton with anxiety and self esteem issues? It’s like Yang if Yang was a dude. And a skeleton. Not that Red completely reminds Yin of her sister because that’d be weird but there’s some...pings going off in her head. If Red tried putting the moves on Yin, Yin’s super awkward and blustery about it. Give her time, she’ll get to know Red as they hang out together. Red isn’t much of an outgoer and neither is she, they can spend indoors together hanging out on the couch and watching horror movies. Yin screams and gets angry and Red can laugh at her. Yin miiiight get a bit...curious and take up Red’s semi-serious flirtations. though if Red ends up chickening out, Yin would end up a little hurt that Red might’ve just been messing with her but brush it off because she was ONLY curious obviously and it’s easier like this because they can just stay friends like normal, right? ...Yeah, these two nerds need to talk things out.

Yang and Red would probably hit it off at like a bar at first. If Yang starred in the choose your own tale with Red, she’d get the Sinner’s ending. ...Well, maybe after a round of beanboozled. They have a bit of a whirlwind romance that could end a blast or disaster. They’re similar in some ways that might mean they’ll mesh really well and in some ways might mean they’ll spark out as fast as they came together (hehe). Yang doesn’t mind if Red gets jealous or possessive, she’d be thrilled, it means she’s wanted. But Yang being affectionate might mean Red would take offense to her being close with...probably everyone. Not Yin though. Red gets kinda drool-y seeing them together. Which would make Yang take offense a bit because why is Red alright with a threesome when it’s them (Red you gross) but Yang can’t just hug people like normal. Eventually she might find it stifling and their insecurities would throw each other off. These two ALSO would need to talk things out.

Edge

Haha double shit. Yin is...not impressed. Who is this big, edgy, shouty asshole? Yin would probably end up picking a fight with Edge. Yin tries to be polite but this guy. Wowie. The twins can be fierce but Yin’s the protector, the fighter. She wouldn’t stand for his rude, I-AM-ABOVE-YOU-LITERALLY-AND-FIGURATIVELY attitude. And Edge finds this puny, squishy little human trying to mess with him laughable, because??? Puny, squishy human. Things might escalate and wherever they are, they’ll probably be told to leave because they’re disturbing the peace. After...they just keep bumping into each other. (“YOU!!!” “Ugh, no.”) If Yin REALLY wants to fight Edge, somehow she convinces him to spar with her. Yeah, you heard that right. If they can’t talk it out, they’ll fight it out and then they’ll be square, at least Yin figures. Yin’s punched her fair share of jerks she can handle this guy. ...Yeah no, she gets her ass handed to her. But, Edge is…-whispers- impressed. Just a little. But you didn’t hear that from him, no sir. She put up a good fight and Yin asks where Edge learned how to fight which leads to Edge bragging about being the CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD, and talking about his accomplishments and exploits and so on and so forth. (“Huh. Fine then, big guy, color me impressed.”)

Yang also, is not the least bit impressed. ...Okay, maybe she thought Edge was sort of handsome even with the scars, until he opened his mouth. Still, whatever remarks he might make her way, Yang turns it right around and flirts back, because what better way to piss someone off than to brush off angry remarks with a casual air. But somehow this leads to shenanigans and Edge calls Yang a admirer of his and figures, if she’s so incensed to get close to him, he is ‘GRACIOUS ENOUGH TO TAKE YOU UNDER MY WING THEN!” ...Yeah, what? Yang figures she can make the best of it and hey this would probably make a good story to tell later, right? Edge is still a bit of a jerk but Yang isn’t so down on herself that she’s going to let someone get away bullying her without a fight. (“What makes you so Great and Terrible, anyway?” “WELL IF YOU INSIST ON KNOWING, MY MINION…!”)

Underswap

Blueberry

What more is there to say, Yin thinks the little dude is cute. But more in a kid brother kind of way than dating way. Yin would happily follow Blueberry on the greatest adventure, she’s content to be a sidekick.

Stretch

Swapfell

Raspberry

Rus

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

Elon Musk was once tech's angel. Now he's an overplayed meme.

It’s Viral Market Crash week on Mashable. Join us as we take stock of the viral economy and investigate how the internet morphed from a fun free-for-all to a bleak hellscape we just can’t quit.

In the space of a few short months, Elon Musk has gone from being the internet's tech darling to one of the most parodied personalities online.

Up until this spring, Musk was more or less well liked. Sure, his employees were reportedly working mandatory overtime, but his anti-union stances were overlooked because hey, he launched a car into space! His company's egregious record of under-reporting workplace injuries was glossed over because he started dating Grimes after shooting his shot with an adorably nerdy pun. Elon Musk was the manic pixie dream boy of tech: He was deeply problematic, but it was easy to ignore because he was just so quirky. 

SEE ALSO: People think Guy Fieri is a better philanthropist than Elon Musk

I mean, he sold flamethrowers. Flamethrowers! Who even remembers that Tesla employees were apparently forced to work around the body of an employee who passed out when there are videos of a grown man giggling about his new flamethrower? 

Don’t do this. Also, I want to be clear that a flamethrower is a super terrible idea. Definitely don’t buy one. Unless you like fun.

A post shared by Elon Musk (@elonmusk) on Jan 27, 2018 at 5:29pm PST

But then in late May, Musk's reputation took a sudden nosedive when he started using Twitter like Donald Trump. Musk criticized how the media covers Tesla crashes. He was understandably upset that a recent crash that resulted in a broken ankle was reported on extensively while thousands of fatal crashes from standard cars aren't. 

Then he ramped up his complaining and blamed "big media" for lying, and claimed that nobody believes news outlets anyway. He also said that journalists are "under constant pressure to get max clicks" or risk getting fired for not pulling in enough of that sweet advertising revenue, even insinuating that fossil fuel and oil companies were paying off reporters to write negative reviews of Tesla's cars. 

As if that wasn't enough, Musk followed up by announcing his plans to create a Yelp-type review site for journalists that would allow the public to "rate the core truth of any article," which honestly sounds like an Orwellian hell. 

Musk's anti-news rant came just weeks after Reveal published a damning report about Tesla putting manufacturing above its employees' safety. Grimes tried to defend her new boyfriend, insisting that Tesla being anti-union was "fake news." When journalist Jessica Huseman called out Musk for his tweets, pointing out that Reveal is a nonprofit that doesn't compete for clicks, he threw a temper tantrum that turned into a months-long Twitter meltdown. 

No, they’re just some rich kids in Berkeley who took their political science prof too seriously

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 23, 2018

Like an angsty preteen who just feels misunderstood by society, Musk lashed out at everyone who criticized him. 

Then in June, Alex Arbuckle changed his Twitter display name to "Italian Elon Musk" and started blessing our feeds with parodies of Musk's tweets. 

Ayy!! I make a da rockets!!

— alex (@alexqarbuckle) June 16, 2018

Arbuckle isn't the first to spoof Elon Musk. The account Bored Elon Musk has been actively shitposting on Twitter for years. 

Digital counter in conference rooms that displays running sum of TIME ELAPSED x HOURLY RATE of all people in a meeting.

— Bored Elon Musk (@BoredElonMusk) April 16, 2015

Alarm that also starts a timer for how long you're allowed to f*** around on your phone after waking up.

— Bored Elon Musk (@BoredElonMusk) April 5, 2017

Arbuckle's version of Elon Musk was unique, though. While Bored Elon Musk made fun of Musk's ideas, like tweeting randomly specific but ingenious innovations, Arbuckle's Musk made fun of Musk himself. 

I love a my employee Sal, he spinna da dough like a no one else!! I had a to fire him because a he ask for a raise!! I say Sal, donna you have enough dough already? Prego!!

— alex (@alexqarbuckle) June 17, 2018

It got a lot of attention, and he even lost his Twitter verification for the bit. 

[when I get my verified checkmark removed by Twitter for doing a bit where Elon Musk is Italian] ayyyy whoopsy daisy

— alex (@alexqarbuckle) June 17, 2018

Italian Elon Musk's run was short, though — Arbuckle changed his name and profile photo after just five glorious days. 

"I ended the Italian Elon Musk bit after realizing I'd been de-verified by Twitter, because in my estimation that was the funniest possible way for the bit to end," Arbuckle wrote Mashable in an email. 

While Twitter users mourned the loss of one of the greatest bits of 2018, the real Elon Musk's social media meltdown continued. 

When 12 boys and their soccer coach got stranded in a flooded cave in Thailand, Musk jumped to the rescue. Sort of. He had a child-size submarine constructed so divers could pop a kid in, squeeze the metal tube through the cave's narrow passages, and safely deliver each child to dry land. Except, according to a BBC report, the head of the rescue mission called the baby sub just "not practical." While Musk was live-tweeting the mini submarine's development, human divers were actually rescuing the children one by one. 

Despite being a 47-year-old adult, Musk couldn't take the criticism. In another Twitter rant he responded to the BBC's report with screenshots of emails with the co-leader of the Thai rescue team. He followed up by claiming that his sub "could do the entire journey & demonstrate at any time." He topped it off by implying that "billionaire" is a slur, and when called out on that, bragged about the number of jobs he created.

Ironically, the “billionaire” label, when used by media, is almost always meant to devalue & denigrate the subject. I wasn’t called that until my companies got to a certain size, but reality is that I still do the same science & engineering as before. Just the scale has changed.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 10, 2018

No, it means I created jobs for 50,000 people directly and, through parts suppliers & supporting professions, ~250,000 people indirectly, thus supporting half a million families. What have you done?

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) July 10, 2018

Musk's response to lead diver Vern Unsworth calling his child submarine "just a PR stunt" that had "absolutely no chance of working" was icing on the cake. Unsworth is an avid caver who has extensive knowledge of the cave system the boys were stranded in. In a series of unhinged tweets — his magnum opus of Twitter rants — Musk called Unsworth "pedo guy" and claimed he "never saw this British expat guy who lives in Thailand (sus)." 

That's probably the Muskiest tweet Musk has ever tweeted. Arbuckle, now formerly known as Italian Elon Musk, said it best: "No conceivable parody could be funnier than calling a rescue hero a pedophile because he made fun of your waterproof space trash boy casket." 

To the people in my mentions telling me to bring back Italian Elon Musk: No. No conceivable parody could be funnier than calling a rescue hero a pedophile because he made fun of your waterproof space trash boy casket

— alex (@alexqarbuckle) July 15, 2018

He has a point — despite the multiple parody accounts that have popped up in the absence of our beloved Italian Elon Musk, none of them can sound as ridiculous as actual Elon Musk tweets. 

A week later, Twitter announced that it would start locking accounts whose display names said "Elon Musk." The company said that it was to prevent cryptocurrency scams, since lookalikes would comment under Musk's tweets promising that if Twitter users sent him Ethereum, he would send even more back. 

Twitter users joked that Elon Musk paid off the site so parody accounts would stop making fun of him. 

Elon Musk is such a petty bastard that he got an Italian spoof account of his banned from Twitter. How naive of him to think that will stop the internet from mocking him Rise French Élon Musque and take your Italian brother's place! pic.twitter.com/aNbmt5fRtG

— Culture Shots (@hjvinke) July 28, 2018

"targeting cryptocurrency scammers" is code for "elon forked out $2,000,000 to make sure Italian Elon Musk never resurfaces" https://t.co/9cOBzhXKYv

— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) July 26, 2018

Arbuckle has a different take: 

"Twitter locking accounts that change their name to Elon Musk is some extremely hilarious shit for a website that not only enables but actually verifies violent white supremacist organizations," he told Mashable, ending his email with a dig at Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey. "Terrific priorities, Jack."

French Elón Musque, who has since changed their name to @locallefties, was one of the first copycats who got popular in the weeks after Arbuckle said he wouldn't resurrect Italian Elon. They got around Twitter's new locking policy by changing up Musk's name. Through Twitter DM, they said, "i thought it might piss off elon musk which would be cool." 

i send ze baguette into space... i dont pay ze taxés... honhonhon...

— YOUR LOCAL LEFTIES (@locallefties) July 27, 2018

ze homeless man on ze street ask me “please monsieur musk spare some change my family is dying” i tell him “have you heard of ze hyperloop”

— YOUR LOCAL LEFTIES (@locallefties) July 28, 2018

ze tesla cars catch fire so zat you may easily toast your croissants

— YOUR LOCAL LEFTIES (@locallefties) July 28, 2018

With French Elón Musque leading the way, Swëdish Eløn Müsk, German Elon von Müsk, and South African Elon Musk rose from the ashes of Italian Elon Musk. 

Ï sjënd dë mætbals ïnto späcë, Ï døn’t pjay de täxes, bork bork

— Swëdish Eløn Müsk (@MuskSwedish) July 28, 2018

I am very socialist ja. I seek greatest good for all. Zats vy I ground ze factory verkers of Tesla Motorwagen into dust to reach ze production numbers for ze Model tree for my bonus.

— German Elon von Müsk (@DvonMusk) July 28, 2018

I sent a car into space!! I don't pay taxes!! Hahaha!!

— South African Elon Musk (@saelonmusk) July 28, 2018

Someone even came up with whatever the hell this version of Elon Musk is. 

Ị̘ ͚͎͈ba̠̺̜̤̬n̯̪̝̩̮̼i̟̘s̬̲̣͖̞ͅh̼̤e͙͇̠̯͉͍d̘̼ ̫̺̦a̤ ͔̦̗̟̘͎c̩͖a͔͎r̲͕͙̮̗ ̩̠̝̟̝̫ͅt͖͓̖̩o̗ ͔̳et̝e̯r̟na͎̱͉͔̮̫̰l͉̖͉̥̞̬̭ ̜̻͍dam̫͓̮̭̝n̠a͈͉t̻i͚̯̤͓̱̪ͅo͉̟ͅn̳̻̫̖ ͉̟̜I ̻̤̗̻̼̘̞d͇̹̟o̭̳̣͚̦̪̻n̠͈̦t͇͇̘̳ ͙ͅp̦̘͚͖̝̣a̹̳̞͙̼̭̮y͔ ̣t̤̹̪̳̭͚a̺͔͈̪xẹ̤͇̯̳̘̭s̹͖̪̘ͅ H̺͔͇͖̳̩̭a̞̥h̘̬̺̜͓̱̣a̗̤ha̝̞̖ḥa̻͕̗͈

— Elonmorsque of the Nine Hells (@elonmorsque) July 30, 2018

While Twitter users argued over whether or not the Elon Musk parodies were actually good, everyone could agree that the fake accounts were still more bearable than seeing actual Elon Musk tweets. 

french elon musk is considerably worse than italian elon musk but they're both infinitely better than original flavour elon musk

— robocop 2 (@newmoneytrash) July 28, 2018

what made italian elon musk funny is, it combined a classic trope (italian accent) with the spontaneity of its execution. what made french elon musk briefly funny was that it was homage. what made south african elon musk funny was format deconstruction. nothing else will be funny

— victim of reply guys every day on this horrid site (@D0GGEAUX) July 28, 2018

The Musk parodies, funny or not, played off national stereotypes. People worried that the accounts would take it too far and start being actively racist for the sake of making fun of Elon Musk. 

Stop making national stereotype Elon Musk accounts. You will never recapture the lightning in a bottle that was Italian Elon Musk and it's only a matter of time before someone slips out of ironic chauvinism and ends up doing something actually racist

— The Bionic Woman (@fireh9lly) July 28, 2018

Two accounts, @ElonMuskButGay and @ElonMuskButStr8, ended up tweeting cringey, offensive Musk parodies. At that point, accounts weren't even trying to be funny — the creators were just tweeting for the sake of hopping on the bandwagon. 

when the tides of war between the unfunny goobers riding the coattails of the italian elon musk account have finally subsided, these will be the only survivors left to tell the tale pic.twitter.com/nKhknSwQ3i

— Lilly, Host of the Florida Nightm🌟re (@GunstarHeroine) July 29, 2018

@locallefties dropped the French Elón Musque bit because "the joke got old and wasn’t fun anymore." They've been using their account, which now has over 52,000 followers, to promote work by LGBTQ artists and spread awareness of progressive causes. 

"We want to actually use our popularity to foster change rather than make harmless fun of some tech billionaire lol," they tweeted on Thursday. 

Arbuckle says he was on a remote island vacation with his family when the parodies started popping up. "I turned my phone on to see what was going on in the world and quickly turned it off and went diving for mussels. I did laugh at South African Elon Musk, though," he wrote. 

While parody Elon Musk accounts have died down in the past week, the real Elon Musk is still tweeting ridiculousness. On Wednesday, he put out a call for video game developers because he wants to add "super fun games" to Tesla's center touch screen. It would be something like Pokémon Go, but "more of an adults in cars anime vibe." 

Sounds dangerous but OK. 

If you’re into video game development, consider applying to Tesla. We want to make super fun games that integrate the center touch screen, phone & car irl.

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 1, 2018

Something like that, but more of an adults in cars anime vibe

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) August 1, 2018

At this point, it's nearly impossible to parody Elon Musk because he keeps churning out wild tweets that will probably one-up any fake Musk account. But we can remember that for one glorious week in July, Twitter was overrun by Elon Musks. 

Editor's Note: Alex Arbuckle is a verified former employee of Mashable.

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