#just need motivation and ideas and etc ugh
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i’m so sorry that chapter 6 of nobody compares to you is taking foreverrrrr to be released but i’m truuuuuly trying to put my whole pussy into writing this cause i just wanna develop this story well and do these characters justice!!!! i’m being such a perfectionist about it and also i just keep going back and forth with these storylines and i’m just getting too much into my own head ahhhhhhhhh
#plus i haven’t been feeling well at all the last few days#the air quality from the canada wildfires has been fucking me and everyone up around here lately#had every intention to be writing all night the other night but came home all nauseous and shit#the smog has been clearing tho! so i’m feeling a bit better and i’m continuing to write chapter 6 in bed rn#just need motivation and ideas and etc ugh#belle speaks
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Little bright colored outfit with a fun vest ~
(shoes from ebay like 10 years ago. everything else is thrifted)
#ootd#jfashion#fashion#fantasy fashion#mori kei#....like... adjacent... lol#no idea what style this would be lol.. makes me think of like whimsical vaguely fantasy themed childrens book character#finally posting one of my aforementioned seven million drafts of actual outfits and costumes i have finished and edited#the photos for but just never feel like posting lol..#I need to find one of those people whos like 'omg i am ADDICTED to social media ugh i wish i could get off of it#im just browsing and posting like 60 times a daaaaay!!!' and take a little magical bottle and suck some of the social media#enthusiasim out of them. for moi. In exchange they can have some of my 'literally just never in the mood to post or interact with the#outside world ever' energy. We can balance each other. huzzah and so on#Though I think maybe it's part of the general thing I've heard of like.. I can't remember if it was in reference to adhd or just some sort#of general execcutive functioning issue type of thing - but the idea that things have to be ''just right'' before you do something. like#'oh i need to do this task. but i have to wait until XYZ first' or 'oh i can do this but only if X specific condition is met' or etc#The fact that I even have to be in a Specific Mindset to post. or sometimes will delay posting on social media because like 'oh well#I'm going somewhere tomorrow. somehow this matters. i cannot spend 5 minuts posting TONIGHT. clearly it will interfere#somehow schedule wise with the doctor appointment i have 15 hours from now. yes. yes. i must wait until my appointment is over#tomorrow afternoon. THEN i shall post' or etc. etc. lol. NOT even taking into account the many days#I just genuinely and physically sick and it's not even a mental thing. I just physically dont feel like sitting at the computer lol..#ANYWAY.. trying to get back into it. trying to get a business bank account.. make a proper paypal so i can start selling sculptures again.#selling clothes and sculptures.. posting about such things then of course as one must. etc... chanting to hype up and motivate myself lol#But yes. this is my favorite outfit out of the bunch so I am posting it first I guess.. maybe others later..#Also the purple dress says its from shein. which I've heard is bad fast fashion stuff. but maybe okay since its second hand? I havent#been to the bins since like 2020 or late 2019 even. and I think stuff like shein and temu has only become poular in the past few years#but I bet if I went to the bins now I might would find a good handfull of that stuff. Probably now not much different than what you#find in a walmart or a forever 21 or actual physical stores you can go to though. I hear quality of clothing is down everywhere no matter#where you get it or whatnot. What bountiful joys unfettered capitalism and exploitation bestows upon us (<being sarcastic).#Wearing one of my favorite little vests though. I love the texture of it and the clasps on it
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Rhaenyra being a good person and ruler is not boring. Ned was boring?
was considering answering this with ‘lose the question mark’ but that felt mean i do like ned i think hes a good character. and the thing is ned is a boring guy on a personal level all characters agree but he isnt a boring character nice ≠ boring i dont need everyone to be evil. i dont dislike rhaenyra just bc shes soso nice and i only like villains
i dont know when ‘a character having strong motivations and flaws makes them more compelling than a character who is inoffensively nice’ became controversial i would consider it character writing 101. hotd fans leap down your throat about it bc of the teams discourse. ‘aegon was more interesting than rhaenyra in season 2’ isnt an aegon rules rhaenyra drools team green argument it is objectively true aegon is more motivated and he does more
it is not compelling character stuff and an insult to emma’s abilities that they wont let rhaenyra do anything or have any motivations apart from a) peace shes a pacifist and doesnt want to be in the war she is a de facto leader in except maybe she does want to be in the war? (dragonseeds) b) the stupid prophecy c) the throne but she refuses to have a war about it bc see point a). and she states these motivations every episode but theyre actively contradictory so as a result she just doesnt do anything shes almost entirely reactive. if she really cares so much about not having a war and harming her people there are many actions she could take to change that and make a peace but she wont do that bc she wants her father’s throne (far more sentimental and niceys than anything as selfish and crass as her ugh just wanting the throne) and believes she has to be queen and is the chosen one bc of the prophecy. but she doesnt want a war bc women are wise and war is bad so so so she got main character screentime and did almost nothing in eight episodes. end of season 2 even though the war has been literally happening around her people are still talking about when rhaenyra is going to recognise this and start acting like it. a goalpost that has been moved from lukes death to jaces death bc lukes death affected her and her policy veryy little considering how confident everyone was that this means WAR get ready for a NEW DARK RHAENYRA a mothers RAGE. and that just didnt happen at all
baela and to a lesser extent rhaenys also get hit w this really hard theyre a blandly inoffensive Strong Female Character slurry being smeared on my face like im a baby and id get scared if they had any selfish desires. and this does work at pleasing people who are already tb fanatics yayy girlboss imagine liking the creeps on tg over these characters who are women who are nice but it makes for dull characters and plotlines it insults the ability of the audience to like women unless theyre completely sandblasted of anything potentially controversial. i have no idea what motivates baela to fight for rhaenyras cause other than ‘shes jaces nice girlfriend’. and thats really bad !! ned cat brienne sansa dany etc wanted and did things characters can be nice and morally good and motivated and compelling
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ugh no I do have more to say about this
the replies on my posts have revealed this absolutist notion people have on identity i.e. the necessity of identifying as a victim. because so many people are harping on "well, the child never said she was exploited or groomed. so until she comes out and says it, we can't say anything!"
and like. I need everyone to understand that this viewpoint is fundamentally missing the entire fucking point of what grooming is - and people on here are continually paying lipservice to stopping something they wouldn't even be able to identify? 💀
the entire process of grooming is convincing someone that what is happening to them is normal, that it's preferable, that they are "chosen" and special and remarkable for receiving this attention. it is above all creating the false perception that the child has a CHOICE in the matter (which the child will attest to) and these gut-wrenching realizations often don't hit until well into adulthood (if fucking ever)
yes, I'm agitated about this because I had to listen to a friend in her mid-20s say that the relationship she had at age 14 with a 40 year old man was something that she "wanted" and she didn't feel like the man had groomed her at all. there are other people in my life who have been groomed and if you have not been there for someone who's gone through it, you have no concept of how long it takes for people to identify and face these patterns from their childhood and speak out about what happened. a youtuber who just turned 18 will not say it. an ex-child pageant teen will not say it. someone's inability to speak on it does not mean that the harm did not happen.
I'm using the analogy of child pageants because it's another situation where half the population recognizes it as grooming, while the other half is caught up in this idea of "nobody's *making* the girls do this, they're so excited and they want to be here! their parents aren't physically pushing them out onto the stage. they're smiling and having a great time. they say they're fine."
and it's just so deeply missing the point of what it is to be a child. with so little power, living in a household and fed and clothed and only allowed to do fun things by the good graces of someone from whom you've gotten almost your whole outlook of the world from.
no, nobody's dragging them out onto the stage. the parents of child youtubers also aren't forcing them to press record. but there is such a lack of basic analysis happening where people completely ignore the actual material rewards, motivations, and praise that these children continually get from their parents in order to keep doing that which is profitable - to keep performing actions which gratify strangers who are not invested in the safety of that child.
so we should be able to simultaneously acknowledge that parents make their kids do pageants / parents make their kids bring in ad revenue, alongside the fact that yes! kids have free will! and some of these things that kids do happens to be fun for them! but I am just asking people to ponder the difference between a) a kid playing dress up at home, running around with the family video camera and recording some home videos that only their siblings and parents will ever see
and b) a parent seeing that this brings their child joy, and going on to purchase elaborate costumes, props, makeup, cameras, microphone, laptop etc for the purpose of putting their kid directly in the public eye in a provocative manner that makes money
if people are still insisting that this act falls on a moral spectrum based on whatever nebulous "intentions" beyond money the parent has, then it's somewhere between active financial exploitation and flat out grooming, and that's it. a parent who cultivates an environment in which their child is incentivized, praised, and materially enabled to perform a behavior, ("you can pay for college by doing this!") in the very limited space in which a child may exercise their free will, in full reliance on that parent for their literal survival --- that parent is, in fact, exploiting them.
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also it's a random thing but I've realized people have been using brainwashed wrong too
Brainwashing has nothing to do with actually mind controlling people and has everything to do with propaganda. And being told it constantly
For context -
<- the actual definition of doing something
if we use this definition instead of how literally everyone uses it (ie. It's just a replacement for mind controlled)
Then honestly callie being "brainwashed" makes more logically sense if you treat the hypnoshades as consistently feeding her propaganda. It's not literally taking over her mind she's literally probably being played octavios music tbh
Because it's canonically a thing that octavio uses music for propaganda
TLDR: even by LITERAL INSISTENCE INKIPEDIA DEFINITIONS that she id "brainwashed and mind controlled", she can not be mind controlled. Realistically if Callie was brainwashed that means she was just fed propaganda about Octarian.
So people can't argue that she was forced into that outfit she wears in splatoon 2 still because she probably chose to wear it maybe as a strange solidarity idea. It's not about being forced to wear something... Like that. It's wearing a uniform.
Uh that tldr is too long:
Etldr: callie can't be mind controlled no matter how much people insist, brainwashing literally is about propaganda and not "oh no my memories are lost I can't feel ::((("
You literally cannot force her to not have autonomy no matter if it's "brainwashing vs hypnosis"
It's NOT MIND CONTROLLL 😭😭😭😭
o god this is super long
I actually got a comment that was VERY similar to this!!! Someone (I forgot who) said, "I'm gonna think of cult brainwashing instead of sci-fi brainwashing for callie for my own sanity."
From my knowledge, the term brainwashing has always been this general term to describe mind control plots and shit like that and people use it poorly and wrongly. And THAT'S where my anger comes from. Because people wanna make Callie's arc in Splatoon 2 way worse, more disgusting and less interesting. It's so SOOOOO annoying and disregards any sort of arc that Callie could go through....
The word is either used in cults, or military experiments, or family drama of "you're brainwashing my child!" Or sci fi lazy bullshit where it's just "mind control and you lose all of your autonomy and memories" aka Winter Soldier, Widowmaker, etc. It's such a general term that has a trillion different meanings and it's fucking frustrating as hell.
If I try to look at Callie’s story through the lens of "standard" brainwashing where it's just psychological manipulation and propaganda from the Octarians and Octavio, considering that he is known to use music and other things as motivation to boost Octarians.... then... I actually wouldn't have a problem with people using that word... maybe...
Because Callie STILL had some amount of agency and autonomy, even with the shades on, she couldn't have been forced to do anything against her will cause of how hypnosis works. She still heard out the Octarians and listened to their propaganda. Was Octavio still in the wrong? Yeah! DUHHHH!!! NO FUCKING SHIT SHERLOCK!!! HE MANIPULATED A MENTALLY ILL SQUID WOMAN!!! YOU THINK IM RESOLVING THAT MAN OF BLAME?!?! FUCK NO!!! But in that scenario it's WAYYYY LESS EVIL than what the fuck people and Nintendo tried to suggest that they did. I dont wanna believe that Octavio immediately grabbed and then "brainwashed" Callie with the shades after she said "okay fine I'll hear you out." And then "kidnapped" her and her memories were wiped... Ugh. (Fucking Nintendo bro god I hate them...)
It would also help explain WHY she doesn't feel any sort of trauma or suffering from those events and why she finds the Octarians cute and why she went with Octavio to the Low Water party. She probably felt sorry for the Octarians and wanted to help them willingly because her life beforehand was shitty and she was alone... Octavio probably didn't need to do much to convince her, too, which is kinda sad... She probably doesn't feel regret or pain because, well, she was going through a rough period and she wanted an escape, so the Octarians, in her mind, were the only way out...
However.... I can't see that word the same anymore, and every time that I see it, I ALWAYS think of the bullshit sci-fi definition and people just LOVEEEE TO USE IT AS A CATCH ALL TERM!!!! IT'S REALLY REALLYYYYYY ANNOYING!!!!
That word has actually caused me physical reactions when I hear it, like I was in a family dinner and one of my parents used that word and like... I fucking tensed up and felt stinging across my entire body, my heart was pounding and stuff. NO THAT ISNT A JOKE! THATS HOW FIXATED I AM ON THE STUPID SQUID LADY!!!!
Idk if I will be able to comfortably use the word "brainwashing" to describe Hypno Callie because that word has been fully engrained to me as the sci fi. one, rather than the general cult one with more autonomy and more room to dive into depth and character change.
I guess you could say that Nintendo have... BRAINWASHED me into believing that the word is only used as a way to say mind control and "oh no I lost all of my memories!!!" Heh... Heh... eh.... I wanna die.
I fucking hate Nintendo bro. I hate them. So much.
Oh Nintendo, when I find you I swear to go-
#splatoon#ask blog#ask me stuff#ask me anything#callie cuttlefish#callie splatoon#hypno callie#octo callie#marie splatoon#marie cuttlefish#brainwashing#hypnosis#mind control#im losing it#splatoon 2#splatoon 3#dj octavio#octarians#rant post#ranting#ramblings#autistic rambling#i hate being autistic
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Inazuma Rewrite Act 3
Please start reading from part one before reading this. It will make no sense otherwise.
Act 3 pays off for Acts 1 and 2, and I made some major changes in them, such as change to reasons of vision hunt\Raiden motivations, Ayaka arc, entire resistance storyline, Transience setup, Yoimiya arc setup, so without reading them first, this part will not make sense.
In this installment:
Transcience pay off
Yoimiya arc
Kazuha conflict
Raiden confrontation
Kujou Sara arc
and more
All disclaimers from part one also apply, I’m not gonna copy paste them.
Yae Miko \ Raiden Preparation Training
ok, let’s start with the fact that current “raiden fight training” sucks. Like I get what they’re going for, and training episode idea is very anime, but like. Running in circles around a trashcan that hits you with boss moves is not fun. it is, in fact, super annoying.
i want to keep the training angle, but make it more... spiritual. and thematic.
so, yae miko is like blah blah, you need to prepare to face Raiden, and I will train you, as the person who knows her the best.
Paimon is like wow, you’re gonna teach us to fight??
Yae Miko is like haha you’re so stupid, no, of course not. Your goal is to change raiden’s mind. For that, you need to know and understand her and where she’s coming from.
We will know you’re ready, when you can pass the Sacred Sakura trial
she leads traveler to the sacred sakura. there are like stone plates with symbols at the base, you know, the puzzle ones.
Yae goes like, do you know what Transience means? Transience is the dream of the nation of thunder. We find the greatest joys in mortal life in fleeting dreams, for is life itself not like the shadow of the thunder? Pursue your dreams into the clouds if you wish, and enjoy the unexpected silence of the dim lamp-lit nights.
traveler and paimon is like yeah wait, we saw smth like that in inazuma shrines and ruins
yae is like great, then show me the symbol of Transience. traveler looks at the puzzle stones, but there weren’t really anything like this in the prev locations which mentioned transience
player can fiddle with puzzle stones, but whatever combination they try, it doesn’t work
after a couple of tries, yae is like okay, it seems you still have much to learn! lets go, i’ll teach you
you go through the inazuma city with her, but seemingly only do bullshit. like, eating ramen, shopping, doing some light novels bs, and like traveler is paying for everything. not too long, like just few minutes, with a couple phrases per activity and fading to black, kinda montage of more and more exasperated and confused traveler and paimon until they’re like wait what the fuck is this. how is supposed to teach us anything??
yae does her signature bullshit smirks like hehe you’re too close-minded, you clearly haven’t understood ~Transience~, so buy me more stuff
paimon does her Angry Stomp, you know the one, like ugh! you’re just fucking with us to get us to pay for stuff, we’re done!
yae narrows her eyes menacingly with a smile like haha is this how u wanna talk to me you little flying shit, paimon hides behind traveler like oops sorry i didn’t say that, but then like, resistance messenger runs up to the traveler and traveler and paimon use this us an excuse to fuck off
Kazuha conflict\ Reveal of the true reasons for Raiden Gokaden fall
turns out messenger is from Kazuha. we meet up with him. he’s in the city despite being fugitive bc he’s heard some maniac is killing ppl, searching for the last scion of the Isshin school bloodline
listen, i love kazuha and i overall like his story quest, but it ends up being more character development for the cursed sword, not kazuha. and like i get it, it’s hard to write conflict for Kazuha bc he’s already escaped samsara, he’s the sole receiver of all therapy in genshin, he rolls 20 on every Wisdom roll, etc etc.
but that doesn’t mean we can’t explore his character more in depth and give him a conflict, even if his beliefs do not change as the result, but just better articulated.
We’re keeping the quest mostly same, as I said, I like it fine, it’s still about kazuha going on a therapy tour with the cursed sword, but with like. actual stakes
because in canon, when the sword says like oh, together we will have power to defeat raiden, its obviously not really a temptation for kazuha. bc like. the war is already over! kazuha has already won! AND he personally blocked legendary ublockable move that his friend dreamed of doing. why would he go back and fight raiden again?? it makes no sense
so it ends up being just like. kazuha psychoanalyzing cursed sword the entire time. which cool and all, but i want to play quest about kazuha and not the sword??
but, if it happens DURING the war, it’s much more impactful. this is not just revenge, there are lives on the line and no way to fight raiden. so when the sword is like I will give you power to stand up to raiden, then its not only in memory of his friend, but to protect the resistance. It is now a believable choice that can give Kazuha a pause, because situation is dire and they need every advantage they can get
this is also to rhyme with the Delusions motif, the “my own strength is not enough, so I must turn to the corrupted source of power for which i know i will pay”
of course, in the end kazuha decides to not give in to the cursed sword, bc he sees through its facade that the sword is actually weakening and falling apart, but also because he is narrative foil to both scara (scara believes in doing anything to gain power to pursue his obsession, even at great pain to himself, this is why he’s tied with delusions, and then in sumeru quest gets into dotorre’s torture mecha) AND raiden, which i think fandom largely misses.
both Kazuha and Ei had friends and loving, supporting family, but were kinda sheltered and isolated from people. Ei because she was Makoto’s shadow and didn’t really interact with public, and Kazuha because he was an heir of a falling noble house and he was feeling trapped and focused on trying to live up to his own expectations and anxieties (this btw was beautifully dramatized in his domain in prev summer’s golden archipelago)
both of them were quiet and kinda introverted, Ei allowing her sister take a central stage and Kazuha admitting that ppl with grand aspirations always captivated him, which obv references his friend. then, they lost everything in one fell swoop.
Ei lost her friends in the cataclysm and then, her sister. Kazuha’s family died, and later he had to flee his estate, becoming fugitive and then his friend was killed in a duel with Raiden. they both had their small-ish isolated worlds and lost them violently
and Raiden tried to catch the shards of her falling world and keep them in place, cover them in stasis, as if it could restore what was broken. She saw eternity as the lack of change and decided to never change herself. She closed off from the world, literally destroyed her physical body and isolated her mind in a little locked world, focused solely on “preserving” herself.
in contrast, Kazuha opened up to the world. He didn’t try to stop the winds of change, he followed them. One of this themes is being a part of the world, “One with wind and clouds”, “One with the nature”, “Life has just begun and maybe, the whole world can be my home,” this is why his kit heavily features element absorption and his character stories emphasize how he’s sharp, notices little details in surroundings, even has sharp sense of smell.
He reached out to people instead of isolating himself, and so he found new friends, he saw the endless beauty in the bigger world even after his own cozy snowglobe was shattered.
His theme is not only about being open to the world, but also bringing different elements together, and he’s the one who brings people in inazuma arc together. He brings traveler to Thoma, then through him Gorou reaches Beidou and the mercs, etc. this is why he is the one who blocks raiden.
he is her foil precisely because he can let go and doesn’t let his grief blind him, he will fight her because she needs to be stopped, but not because he wants to take revenge or fore her to suffer. He is the breaker of cycles of pain, not perpetuator
so kazuha refuses, like in original, sword deteriorates more and more, and in the end, becomes weak, but regains memories about his creator in exile in snezhnaya.
but, with the added twist to the scene where kazuha sees memories of the sword. In our version, Shogun instituted vision hunt decree because vision holding blade smith collaborated with fatui and led to the fall of Raiden Gokaden, 5 sword art schools.
But now we learn that Kazuha’s ancestor who made this cursed sword, was this very vision-holding blade smith, and he never betrayed Inazuma, instead, he was slandered by Fatui and it was all Scara’s plan on his misguided revenge against Raiden Gokaden.
as in canon, Kazuha reforges the sword with the last shreds of its power. It does not hold its previous cursed strength anymore, but it is a last sword made in lost technique of Kazuha’s family tradition and he swears to restore it, just as he does in canon
Vision Loss exploration\ Yoimiya was always relevant
after this, paimon and traveler are like ugh, we don’t want to go back to yae, we don’t know the answer to symbol of transience puzzle and she will just mock us more. Lets go see how Yoimiya is doing instead!
ok so, I want to address what I see as a problem in how genshin handled vision loss. like obviously, vision loss stands for trauma. and “wow after their vision was taken, they turned into a completely different person” works as initial impression, bc often when someone you know changes drastically, it can feel this way
where this narrative fails is that it never explores further, bc all characters we meet with vision loss are random NPCs we see for 15 minutes, so it ends up being shallow “this guy was very kind and selfless before, but after losing vision he completely ignores ppl he helped with “new number who dis” response”, which like???
framing ppl who are already going through inner turmoil and struggle as like, complete strangers who are not themselves anymore and also completely lose positive qualities tied to their visions, is so tactless and wrong. It’s still the same person, no matter how drastically changed, and they need support, not demonization like “inherently incapable of caring about people after losing vision”.
this is why i think its better to focus on one character players know and care about instead of several NPCs no one gives a fuck about
so we go visit Yoi and meet her with her dad during discussion. it’s festival time and their family always made fireworks for it, they have several orders now too. But, due to Yoi being caught as part of resistance, her family was blacklisted and they can’t get necessary supplies to create fireworks, specifically like special chemical powder.
so now, Yoi needs to go to all the clients and tell them there will be no fireworks for them for this festival.
Yoi’s dad is very supportive and doesn’t blame Yoi, but she still feels its her fault. She’s not a firecracker she was before, now quieter and harsher, and it does feel like she’s someone new, who traveler and paimon do not know.
we go to the clients to inform them with Yoi, and while doing so learn what fireworks meant for each of them. for some, it was friendship, how now matter how different their lives were, they would get together and celebrate with fireworks. for old couple, its ritual to celebrate their marriage and so on.
they are all sad, but understanding, and supportive and concerned about Yoi. she puts on brave face, but its obvious for the traveler that its hard for her to pretend to be fine.
on the way back, they have a convo about how its tacking a toll on Yoi, and how she feels bad, but also hopeless, and it also feels like something as joyous and frivolous as fireworks is meaningless in the middle of the war and vision hunt
we get back and find Yoi’s dad talking to customers. Its a refugee family, they explain that they live on another island, but once in a few years would visit Narukami for the festival and buy fireworks. They were forced to go to Narukami right now bc of the war, but since they are here already, they want at least something good to come out of it. And they have a cute little girl who is too young and never before saw fireworks and she’s sooooo excited, and the whole time they were running from their home they were consoling her by saying they go to Narukami to see the festival and the fireworks
Yoi’s dad starts defeatedly explaining that unfortunately they cannot make fireworks right now, but Yoi interrupts him, and for a moment she’s her old self, bright and joyful, she reassures the little girl that its okay, they will have fireworks for sure, and these will be the prettiest fireworks ever!
family leaves, excited, and Yoi drops the facade. she wasn’t “cured” in a moment, but she is determined
traveler and paimon are like - oh but how will we get fireworks??
Yoi is like “tenryo commission has this confiscated powder in their warehouse and we are raiding it, bc this little girl is getting her family fireworks if its the last fucking thing i do”
bc she realized, viscerally, that actually, fireworks will be more meaningful now BECAUSE of the dark and uncertain times, not despite of them, and whether its someone childhood OR last years of life, time is fleeting and impossible to get back, so giving people joy and hope is more important than ever
she’s not “healed”, she’s not back to her old self yet, but we see that there’s still spark in her and hope for recovery, even if she struggles, and deep down she is still same kind and caring Yoi we’ve met at the start
we do the warehouse domain, fight, do puzzles, get powder, Yoi and her dad make fireworks, we watch basically same cutscene as of the end of Yoi’s first quest now, with ppl looking up at the sky and seeing fireworks and Yoi and traveler watching from the hill.
at which point i want to mention that like, despite some part of fandom calling canon Yoi irrelevant, she always supported inazuma themes, which i will illustrate by using the dialogue from the quest verbatim and showing how i don’t even need to rewrite it to make it fit
Yoimiya: It was by chance that I happened to be born into the Naganohara family, so it was by chance that I ended up learning this craft from my pops.
Yoimiya: It's also by chance that I've met so many people, learned so many things, and discovered that people associate watching fireworks with the things that are most precious to them.
Yoimiya: Fireworks that disappear in a flash of light are probably the furthest thing away from the eternity that our Shogun desires.
Yoimiya: But people's feelings don't just disappear, and it's those feelings that give fireworks their purpose. If nobody wanted to watch fireworks, then they wouldn't exist.
Traveler: That's another kind of eternity.
boom! Yoimiya was always a representation of transience philosophy, hoyo just didn’t dramatize it properly and without transience explored during main quest, she felt like she doesn’t belong, while she was an actual Inazuma spiritual end game goal all along.
Makoto Reveal
anyway. traveler, pauses, repeats themselves. “Another kind of eternity... Eternity in fleeting things, because people’s dreams give them meaning...”
they get up and run to yae, looking determined, confused paimon following behind
“i know the answer,“ traveler tells to yae and she smirks, leads them to the puzzle stones near Sakura
“So, show me the symbol of transience“
but instead of fiddling with the stones, traveler gestures at the sakura petals, gliding on the wind and people watching theim
“This is the eternity in transience“
yae chuckles in delight “oh, finally, i thought you’ll never get it. How could be fleeting dreams be captured in stone puzzles?”
paimon is like ooooh is this why you led us around eating ramen and shopping? you were not just fucking around on our money, you wanted to make us think about enjoying momentary fleeting things?
yae gives her signature facetious response like oh of course how could you think i was scamming, how ungrateful of you etc etc, but its clear that she both actually was trying to give a hint AND enjoyed scamming them for free stuff
then she gets quieter, says pensively “but it seems the company of your friends was better help with figuring it out... She always did say that we immortals cannot understand beauty of transience the way humans do...”
paimon and traveler are like “She???”
thats when the cutscene revealing that there were two shoguns and that raiden’s sister died at the cataclysm plays. nothing much to add here, i think the existing cutscene works well, but because in canon it’s played AFTER raiden’s defeated, it feels a bit weird, like post-factum excuse.
like raiden goes oh well ok, i’ll get rid of vision hunt decree, by the way i had a twin sister who died, like?? i think pacing-wise its better to learn why raiden is Like That before “punch her until she changes her mind” fight than after she had already changed her mind
so, paimon is like ooooh, so this is why it seemed that raiden changed so much! she didn’t change, we just saw the ideas of the first shogun
yae is like yes, ei’s grief for her sister and differences in their views is important for you to understand for when you will try to change her mind in her hikikomori mind palace
Storming the palace\ Signora interlude
then yae does the ok lets get Kojou Sara quests, which I don’t really feel like changing, bc like. it does its job fine enough. we need to establish that tenryou commission was corrupted and working with fatui AND that kujou sara will go against her only family for justice
the ayato infiltrating like 5 rebellion guys with gorou and kazuha to take the palace is kinda dumb logistically, but tbh this is not game of thrones. genshin works mostly on anime logic where things happen bc its cool and fitting for the character\narrative beats. making actually realistic attack plan i feel like would be too long, complex and derail from the storyline, so i’d say lets keep it roughly same
What I’m gonna change is Signora cameo. And by change I mean remove it completely. I spent a lot of time trying to make her death work, but it just doesn’t. She has nothing to do with Inazuma story or themes, shows up for 2 seconds and dies immediately. This is a shitshow, like, we’d need to derail whole archon quest to insert her and it still wouldn’t be good.
if Signora has to be dead for like, the strategic plot reasons, here is my version of how it should go down
ok but we need an opportunity for raiden to do her one hit boob kill move, and how are we gonna do this if we remove Signora?
easy, sara confronts her tenryuo adoptive dad in front of raiden. like, rn she runs to him, he has a speech about how he basically doesn’t care about raiden herself, but really only worships the Boob Nuke. he gets defeated and then sara runs off to raiden and gets knocked out off-screen, like??? this is so awkward. what the fuck is the point
instead, sara is like right now is the time when Tenryuo chief is reporting to raiden, we need to tell her he’s lying to her!
we follow sara to the palace and confront tenryuo dude in front of raiden. he’s like you have no proof u insolent girl and this is after everything i’ve done for u!
sara challenges him to a duel before the throne and raiden agrees.
we fight the dude and defeat him. he launches into basically same unhinged speech, but now raiden is here to hear it.
She realizes that even those who she considered the most loyal of her servants worship not her, but her power, because she removed herself from inazuma and all people know of her is to fear the Boob Nuke. this is a important step in her development that we will explore a bit later
then she annihilates him which i think is much more thematically relevant bc he died from the same blade he worshipped
then, raiden is like well, i’ve dealt with a traitor, but don’t think that it gets YOU off the hook, a criminal is a criminal and I’ll destroy you
then we duel, bc like. her using boob sword at the start of battle is thematically wrong. its a finisher, a kill move. in the first duel she used it at the end. she needs to charge her burst first, you know
so, we go to the plane of euthemiya and fight. it basically goes the same, first traveler has elements disabled, then wishes of inazuma people awaken and empower them.
raiden is shaken, but not convinced. bc this is the Gives a Fuck raiden, it’s not that she didn’t know her people had ambitions, tho she could underestimate them, its that she thought these ambitions can only lead them to ruin and she, as an arbiter of eternity who sacrificed her body to lock her mind in a sword and evade “corruption“, is the one who knows best.
she rallies up and counter-attacks. similar scene as in the first duel happens, she throws traveler to the real world and follows, readying the kill move
and thats when kazuha blocks her
i think in canon this isn’t given appropriate weight for raiden. bc like. that was her legendary UNBLOCKABLE strike. she one-shot gods and monsters with it. this was her personal proof of perfection, she knows she might not be a philosopher and leader like her sister, but she is The best warrior. like if you want to change her mind, you have to fight her in a duel, her mastery of sword is how she justifies that she’s right to herself
and now a mortal blocked her most perfect move
and not just any mortal! She recognizes the style of the blade he wields. Isshin blade, even though Isshin art died as Raiden Gokaden schools fell
she asks him how did he get this blade and he tells her the truth he learned from the cursed sword
her people never betrayed her. instead, she was mislead by the fatui and pushed her own subjects into running away to the enemies because they didn’t believe she would listen and be merciful to them
the worst thing is that she knows they were right. she would not have been merciful.
and now she watches the bitter irony of how her eternity crumbles.
tenryuo commission, who she thought of her most loyal and closest servants, upholding laws and traditions, in truth were corrupted from the inside, tradition nothing but a hollow form, a fake shape kept just to appease her, with no true soul or meaning, lusting only after power
but the last scion of the clan she though betrayed her, an exile and criminal, a vagabond and pirate, is the one who embodied isshin art she thought lost wholeheartedly, the one who preserved the last true blade of his school. the one who blocked her strike that she thought of as the truest.
and with the vision of a man she had once already defeated in a duel
with all of that, with countless visions rallying up to support an outlander against their own god, with the proof that even killing rebels would be useless because ambitions of the dead will be picked up and reignited again by the living, with proof of the corruption rotting in her government, she cannot see herself in the right anymore
this is why she lifts the vision hunt decree
Raiden’s First Story Quest
I think there’s general agreement in fandom, even among raiden fans, that her first story quest is one of the worst in game. its so boring and pointless. you go on a date with raiden and then she fights some nerd in a duel. who gives a fuck.
it also takes for granted that all players even WANT to hang out with raiden, which like, at this point she was only a giant dick to everyone around and not everyone is a boob worshipper. for people who already disliked her, being forced to babysit her around and take her photos only feels more annoying and antagonizing
Again, our main change in characterization for raiden is that she actually gives a fuck. like, in canon her country is on the brink of complete collapse after civil war and fatui schemes, 2 out of 3 commissions are barely functional, her robot-sona is malfunctioning the storm, and she not only does not give a fuck, but traveler has to jump through hoops to get to her. and she just goes on a date, trying sweets and light novels. like. guuuuurl. come on, get a grip for 5 fucking minutes and do your damn job. we had to randomly stumble into tenryuo nerd being bullied for her to take ANY part in inazuma’s politics
so, logical thing to do for Raiden Who Gives a Fuck is to go out and try to sort out mess she’s now learnt her country was turned into.
like, she summons traveler and goes hey, i know we’re not exactly on bestest terms, but I need to root out corruption and fatui’s shit specifically, and i don’t trust my government officials right now, so i need your help in being a guide bc i haven’t left the room in 500 years.
kujou sara is also there since raiden deemed her trustworthy bc sara was the one who exposed tenryuo corruption to her
i got an ask about how canonically Kanjou commission was in a vulnerable state due to commerce falling with sakoku decree, and so they could be an easy first foothold for fatui to get themselves into the country, and i think raiden quest would be a good place to explore it, while she’s investigation corruption.
i’m not gonna write the whole plot, it doesn’t really matter, the main points is that raiden sees isolation actually doesn’t protect her ppl, but harms them, that when ppl are not allowed to do smth that they want, they will turn to illegal and much more harmful ways instead, for which delusions are an allegory.
raiden can still do fluffy stuff like trying mango milkshakes or whatever, but while going from one commission to another instead of just wandering around on a date
tenruyo nerd can also be there if hoyo wants to include him for some reason. they can even have same useless duel with raiden at the end that makes her appoint him head of commission
Kujou Sara
as I said, Sara is also there, going with raiden on investigation, showing her competence, until its clear that she’s the sole hinge on which entire tenryuo commission depends.
raiden praises her for her loyalty, and Sara, incredibly earnest and grateful, explains her backstory, how she was a kid falling to her death from a mountain while enemies were storming it, and how she received vision during the fall and thus survived, so she now not only owes her life to raiden, but can’t imagine better cause to serve, as clearly, raiden is omnipotent and all knowing and caring enough to save an insignificant tengu child like her
raiden frowns. she does not grant visions herself, in fact, she is not even aware when electro visions are granted - this is canon btw, it’s from raiden’s own voicelines.
tenryuo nerd sees that raiden is about to speak up, and even though he obv doesn’t know vision secrets, he realizes from her expression alone that she’s about to contradict sara’s story
he interrupts her, apologizes profusely, but takes her aside and begs her to not say to sara anything that can shake her loyalty, because again, this commission is going to crumble without her. These are temoulteous times and they need sara the most, raiden can tell her whatever she wants after inazuma is stabilized
but the thing is that being truly honorable is supposed to be raiden’s redeeming grace. she might be stubborn and inflexible, ruthless and inept, but she is straightforward and honorable, she cannot accept loyalty given on false premises, and we need to show that in action
raiden tells sara bluntly that she did not give her a vision, that she was not aware that sara was in risk of death at all
sara is shaken. her world crumbles before her. this is not just bc of her own vision and life that she thought she owed, but in fact, did not. no, much more it’s about vision hunt decree. its about all the people she was sent after, talked to them and their crying families for hours, telling them that this is for their own good, that shogun knows better, sara herself is an example, is a proof. it’s about all the people she didn’t convince and had to take their visions by force, comforting herself in the knowledge that she personally might not understand shogun’s plan, but what she knows is that is infallible.
and now it turns out it’s not true at all.
this, she cannot take. she asks raiden to free her from service. and bc again, raiden is honorable, even knowing the damage it will do, she lets sara go.
after that, she shows up in events and side quests, showing her on a journey to find herself.
we see her in yae miko’s story quest, protecting ppl from the guy who was possessed by the oni spirit, and later, watching yokai spirits dance in the skies and yearning
we see her in an event with a ghost umbrella, being strict and cross with yokai kids for causing so much ruckus, but secretly fond and protective of them, and playing off her funny rivalry with itto
we see her in itto’s quest, in a part where traveler asks ppl about itto’s character, and she’s being fair, says that he might be an idiot and hooligan, but he would never harm or kidnap innocent ppl
we see her in irodori festival, organizing the community, bc she knows how to do it and she’s good at it and *someone* has to (and bc she cares about ppl without any order telling her to)
then, she’s in kokomi quest, bc kokomi asks her to be present at negotiations, bc she’s the only one from tenryuo in whose honor kokomi can really trust. sara tells her that she has no official standing anymore, but kokomi asks her to be there anyway. later, when dishonesty from tenryuo side is revealed and sara helps to stop the ppl who are trying to sabotage negotiations, kokomi asks sara to vouch for what happened in report to raiden, so that this is not blamed on watatsumi and fair deal can be cut
sara says again that raiden has no reason to listen to her and take the worse deal just on her word. and yet, after a couple of days, report comes back. raiden listens to sara’s word and does not force watatsumi to accept the bad conditions. we can see this affecting sara, her being conflicted
sara\kokomi shippers, ur welcome btw
then, raiden’s second story quest. it starts as of now. we accept commission to deal with abyss wolves spawning, go to the mountain of sacred sakura. but instead of just meeting raiden, we first see kujou sara.
she’s there to protect people because this is who she is, this is the ambition that summoned her vision to begin with, and no lies and manipulations can change that.
like at the beginning of her story, she’s on the mountain, protecting her home from the enemies
like at the beginning, she falls and survives the fall, but she’s too injured and about to be killed by the wolves
but this time, inazuma’s archon has not locked herself in a room.
raiden appears, destroying the wolves and saving sara. this time, she is not just an idea based on false belief of a child. she is there in flesh to finally take action that sara believed she was doing so many years ago.
as in canon, raiden says that she will fight the monsters alone, bc its her duty to protect inazuma.
and this is when sara pledges her allegiance to raiden again.
raiden tells her that her saving sara’s life does not mean that sara now owes that life to her, as raiden’s duty is to protect all of her people
but this is not why sara wants to follow her now. finally, she sees real raiden and not childish illusion of an omnipotent goddess who always knows better. but real raiden is honest, honorable, and despite being strongheaded and often misguided, someone who cares deeply for her ppl and is driven by the same goal to protect as sara
sara tells this to her, asserting that she will not serve her out of obligation or with blind loyalty like before, that she will now think critically and question and tell raiden if she believes she;s wrong, but she will believe in her nonetheless as long as raiden cares about inazuma over herself
raiden says that then they will share an eternity in service of inazuma people, as they should
as sara is injured, raiden sends her to organize evacuation instead of fighting, and quest goes on as in canon
sara\raiden shippers, ur welcome btw
Ancient Sakura Blooms Again
I don’t want to change much else about raiden’s second quest, bc its already pretty fucking good and manages to speedrun raiden’s character development in 45 minutes.
instead, all of my rewrite is meant to be a setup to establish both raiden’s conflict and makoto’s personality and philosophy beforehand, instead of getting infodump from old man ghost in 1.5 scenes
this way, raiden coming to accept the eternity as transience is natural progression instead of speedrun and makoto’s appearance has bigger impact, since she was haunting the narrative from the start and we came to know about her gradually
also, irodori festival can go pretty much the same. scara being behind raiden gokaden fall is now more significant, bc for our version it was inazuma’s inciting incident, and now just like. random lore bit.
also, both raiden and yae miko show up in comedic cameos during festival, but after they learn it was scara, there is a brief serious scene as raiden realizes that while she was blaming fatui for corrupting inazuma, it was only possible bc she neglected her own creation, which is a metaphor for inazuma’s isolation as a whole. she doesn’t explain that ofc, just looks striken
“i thought i’m giving him peace...“
“i’ve told you we should’ve destroyed that puppet“, yae miko spits out (she did canonically wanted to off scara after raiden decided he’s not fit for gnosis bc he cried)
ofc, we won’t give proper backstory before sumeru, but it would be a nice tease that will get deeper meaning once we do know, and also illustrate that both raiden’s solipsistic abandonment and yae miko burning bridges instead of dealing with ppl is not great governing strategies
also, irodori has additional ayaka storyline about how she got involved in all this investigation stuff as a distraction to get away from the house bc ayato asked her to wear family jewels for the festival finale and she sold them in act 2, but she’s too afraid to tell it to ayato
finally, after learning of kazuha’s family keeping secrets from each other that hurt them in the long run, she finally gets brave enough to tell ayato what she did
he stops her mid-sentence and tells her to go check the chests
she’s confused, but obeys. she runs back holding the jewelry, being like oh my god what?? how is that back?? did u buy it back??? did u know the entire time???
of course he knew the entire time. he’s proud of her. he only wished she trusted him enough to ask for his help directly.
you didn’t use the commission funds for this, right? ayaka hesitates for a second and ayato laugh.
of course not. why would he need to steal from commission when there are so many fatui assassins to loot
oh, i always knew you wouldn’t. wait what....
ayato’s quest i’d rewrite completely. he’s still manipulate mansplain manslut, but in better political machinations then sabotaging a wedding of npcs and giving hannibal lector speeches to random goons
we’ve scorched out inazuma’s corruption in raiden first quest, now is the time to restructure and modernize commissions which were gutted by said corruption, for which raiden assembles yae, sara, traveler and ayato, who is the head of only commission that did not sell out to fatui
ayato and yae miko are incredibly petty cunts to each other in a very smiley passive aggressive manner, but they team up to come up with devious machinations for the greater good
sara is there not only for military expert role, but also to speak up for the common ppl which she is finally closer to, and to ground the schemers
raiden sometimes thoughtfully says “why don’t we duel them to death?“ as solution to many problems, and when everyone yells no, shrugs
overall, its kinda rough going and obvious that there are a lot of problems ahead, but also clear that inazuma did change and grew, raiden is no longer a solipsistic tyrant and she has a diverse council she listens to and actively engages with her country’s problems
btw, in ayato vs yae miko schemes off he gets to win and be smug bc its his birthday story quest
Yoimiya’s second story quest
Yoi’s second quest is already v good and obv has a lot of soul in it, i wouldn’t change too much, except for the premise
bc this quest is the reason i decided to make vision loss plotline at all. bc this quest is already perfectly written to be culmination of that plot line, and frankly, gets a lot of ??? without it
like, it starts bc yoi just randomly decides to go on vacation to wish on falling stars. like ok i guess. and she’s like i didnt really care but the whole village really got into it and want me to see it, so i’m doing it for them. like?? why would they be invested in random vacation like that?? mb ok they just love yoi
but then traveler goes to nahida and she’s like sorry, meteor showers happen like once in 200 years. but traveler and paimon are very insistent that they have have to do it for you, they can’t disappoint her. when like. its a random vacation! and yoi is not a type of person to be like ugh i didn’t get to see falling stars, my trip is RUINED
but no, they beg nahida to help like its big deal, and nahida agrees to involve aranara, despite no adult being able to see aranara is a big deal in lore. and then they have a whole conversation about is it ethical to trick yoi into believing this meteor shower is real if it’s just a dream, even if she’ll learn truth later, when like.... it’s a vacation????? she’s just there to have fun???? why are you all so serious
basically, beginning of this quest makes little sense, bc it has no actual stakes until girl in a wheelchair shows up, but narrative treats it very seriously when like “yoi has fun on vacation“ is the only stated goal for the start
BUT, if taken as part of vision loss story, everything snaps into place.
after vision hunt ended, visions were returned to their owners. but not all of them reignited on the spot, and Yoimiya is one of the people whose vision did not activate
and is it any surprise? after all she’s seen in a war, all she’s been through, how could she go back to believing that the world is a good and happy place, in the inherent wonder and joy of it?
her vision stayed grey and silent in her hands. she feels bad and guilty that she can’t be happy go lucky as before, when her father and all of the villagers care so much about her
they nudge her to go on a trip to see the falling stars, inspiration for fireworks, in hopes it will remind her of why she loved them so much before
this is the stakes, this is why inazuma ppl care, why traveler cares enough to ask nahida and why nahida would be moved to break tradition and let yoi interact with aranara, why they have this long convo about if it’s right to trick yoi. bc f it’s about reigniting her belief in world’s miracles, then yeah, it makes a lot more sense to worry about truth of it
not only this, but the disabled girl turns from just random npc to a mirror parallel to yoi. both of them were harshly and suddenly hurt by the world, both lost will to live. and the kicker is that yoi is going along bc she feels bad and bc her family and friends are worrying about her, but she only *really* get into this when she meets this girl
because this is what she was always about, not just happy go lucky girl, but a gold koi, a light of happiness and luck talisman for other people, especially for kids. for this girl, she will believe is the wishing stars
of course, her vision reignites when in aranara dreamland she takes girl’s hand and jumps onto the falling stars to fly across the sky. because it’s not about how the world is cruel. its about how good we can be to each other. what if it’s just a shared dream? We find the greatest joys in mortal life in fleeting dreams, for is life itself not like the shadow of the thunder? Pursue your dreams into the clouds if you wish
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i didn't realize how much being back at university would affect my writing process and motivation and it SUCKS. almost any time i go to write i just end up guilting myself out of it because i have assignments due or a paper to write etc. writing is so different when you've got a 9-5 because your free time is entirely your own, whereas now my free time is just full of reminders that there's a million things i need to get done. it's just so disheartening because i want to get the next chapter of feelings on fire out but writing anything lately has just been almost impossible. idek how i managed to get that dark!joel oneshot out the other day (i suppose it helps that it was already half finished from when i started it a few months ago).
anyway writing is just a struggle right now and i'm so sorry for how long it's taking for me to get this fof chapter done. it's not even that long of a chapter, it's just them having fun at the hotel, and yet my brain cannot write it - or anything else - for the life of me. i promise i'm trying and it will eventually be posted but i just have no idea when. i'm really sorry guys. i get messages every day asking when the update is and i just can't answer them cause i have no idea :( i've been avoiding my ask box like the plague lately cause i end up feeling so guilty. rip.
ik you all tell me to take my time and that it doesn't matter and that rly does mean a lot to me, and i KNOW you're telling the truth, but if anything i'm just mad at myself. i'm frustrated and impatient with myself. UGH.
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Tagged by @sparrowmoth to share about my WIPs. Idk if anyone is actually all that interested in these, but on the off chance that you are, feel free to swing by my ask box with questions!
Rules: Post the names of your WIPs and open your ask box for questions about them.
Published WIPs
Right now, there's just one: Don't Come Any Closer (But Don't Move Away), Win/Team (Between Us/UWMA), rated M, 3 chapters out of ????
(I actually have written several chapters ahead but updates will likely slow down over time as i catch up to the place where I'm currently drafting. But we're getting to the good stuff now and ugh I'm so excited, I love this fic and these boys so much!!)
Unpublished WIPs
Greenhouse fic (better title forthcoming), a short and fluffy sequel to We're Gonna Need a Bigger Pentagram. Jesper/Wylan (Shadow & Bone/Six of Crows), rated T, one-shot. I have about 2k words written and because it's a Jesper POV, I'm planning to publish it later this month as part of "Jesptember," a celebration of our favorite Sharpshooter from the @i-can-read-to-him Wesper discord server.
A Week in the Life (tentative title), followup to the greenhouse fic and continuation of the Coven of Crows universe. Told through flashbacks to a time before WGNABP. Mostly gen crows-as-found-family with hints of Wesper, Helnik, Kanej, and Kuwei/Jesper (I forget if people use Kuwesper for just them or for them + Wylan oops). Probably rated T, probably 6 or 7 chapters. I've only written out a bit, the rest is all outline right now.
Other general ideas for Coven of Crows stuff that I'm happy to talk about!
The time travel crows fic (it has a title but I don't want to share it yet). All the crows ships, probably rated M, gonna be a longfic. I have some chapters written but I need to revise them because I changed my mind about some worldbuilding stuff. Time travel is hard to write, y'all!
Servant & Lever(age): a six of crows Leverage AU, rating TBA, length TBA, mostly just outlines at the moment.
I Won't Give Up Your Ghost, Julie & The Phantoms longfic, rated T or M. I have maybe 8 chapters of this written? But I don't know if there's enough people reading JatP anymore for me to maintain motivation when doing a longfic and I also got distracted, but I had a solid outline for the rest and may come back to it eventually
Untitled sexytimes fic, Palm/Neungdiao (Never Let Me Go the series), definitely rated E, one-shot. Will I ever finish this? Who knows.
A few other half-written or half-baked Thai BL fics, mostly M or E one- and two-shots, for shows like Moonlight Chicken, Tale of a Thousand Stars, etc.
I have some other Six of Crows ideas but I'm much less certain that I'll get around to writing them so I haven't listed them here
No pressure tags for anyone who feels like sharing (apologies if you've already done this and I missed it!): @oneofthewednesdays @hotpinkmurex @magicandpizza @ace-kaz-brekker @starwritebrekker
#six of crows#shadow and bone#wesper#just ask em#my fic#helnik#kanej#coven of crows au#win x team#winteam#uwma#between us the series#julie and the phantoms#jatp
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nsfw alphabet - me!
i wanna do something super casual, so here's an nsfw alphabet for ME! this is definitely me oversharing about my sex life but whatever i wanna do it.
CW!! WAAAAY TMI about my sex life and preferences. if that makes you uncomfy, skip!! i won't be offended, i totally get it! i'm just doing this so we can giggle together about sex.
a = aftercare (what they’re like after sex) - i need to be cuddled immediately. mostly prefer being spooned and they rub my ass while we take a quick lil cat nap. also love it when they clean me up for me lol.
b = body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) - on myself, my ass. on others, chests (regardless of gender) or balls on amab obvi. also love moles!! and hair.
c = cum (anything to do with cum) - i feel like im gonna get some gasps for this, but i just don't love cum. IM SRY!! its totally a me thing, a texture mostly. i looOOOoOoOoOOOoove when men cum on my ass/back. like one of my favorite things. like i don't even have to cum myself if they do that (which has happened, i srsly don't mind!), just rly relaxing to me.
d = dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) - hm...iono...ig i keep my writing secret from most people?
e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) - eh. im relatively experienced ig lol. way more experienced w amab than afab. i know what i'm doing for the most part haha. sometimes i rly wanna move my body in a specific way and i can't and that's frustrating, but other than that, i guess im ok?
f = favorite position - missionary! :D
g = goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) - i love having fun sex! i'd say i take the intimacy pretty seriously, but i like having fun with trying different positions and finding out what doesn't work and what does.
h = hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) - i shave once every few weeks and then let it grow and shave again when its irritating me. never bald.
i = intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) - like i said, i can definitely be super intimate, but i won't lie i'm mega impatient and that just makes me a tad desperate.
j = jack off (masturbation headcanon) - i like audio porn best
k = kink (one or more of their kinks) - wax play, roleplaying, butt stuff.
l = location (favorite places to do the do) - the bed by far. couch when im feeling a lil saucy LMAO.
m = motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) - when im high. or strangely, i get GOIN at museums. idk what tf it is about them. if someone takes me on a museum date, they are gettin some later for SURE. i'm clingy at the museum, holding their hand and touching them, kissing them and i literally need them immediately. idk what it is! and any museum. art, science, history, space, i don't care, they can get it as soon as i step foot in one.
n = no (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) - i don't like being restrained. i love the idea of it, but i can't do it.
o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) - definitely prefer receiving. i have so many texture issues with my mouth that it can be difficult for me ngl. like i can barely eat foot a lot of days. i am rly good at it tho ill give myself that!
p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) - i like starting sensual then working up to a pretty fast pace. im an impatient greedy bottom like i said hmph
q = quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) - not my thing. can never rly get off.
r = risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) - ugh i love experimenting with the right person. i have to feel 100% safe with them to do so, but i love it.
s = stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) - okok i'm a lil embarrassed to admit this but i cum pretty fast. i don't last very long :( i just LIVE for it in the moment ykwim? like i just neeeed it or i'll die iono. im a loser ig. but i usually only go for 1 round. i love the idea of going for multiple, but i'm pretty much ready to snuggle after 1 round.
t = toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) - i LOVE toys. i use at least one every time i have sex. i love using them on myself, love using them on others. they just make sex better so why not! i kinda don't get the taboo-ness of them? like to me, they're as much a part of sex as condoms ykwim? its just...what i do idk. i particularly love clit toys. this is my current fave. this one is nice but its kinda intense. this one is great for ~beginners~ and its super quiet, a little more on the gentler side.
u = unfair (how much they like to tease) - i like teasing! i find that a lot of guys like edging a lot, so i love playing into that.
v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) - im too loud. i'm quite the moaner and i love saying their name.
w = wild card (a random headcanon) - i've only ever experienced being "cock drunk" twice and both times were MAGICAL. like omfg. one of them, i was high so idk if that counts? but it was amazing. the other time i was fully sober, idk what was going on, guess it was his dick. but since then, i'm completely obsessed with the idea of being cock drunk.
x = x-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) - ooh what would i say! i got nice tits. and a big booty.
y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?) - i've got a pretty low sex drive if you believe it or not!
z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) - i could fall asleep immediately frfr.
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Everybody moved on to Penacony and I’m still in agony over the High Cloud Quintet lore… I’ll never move on from these tragic gay mfs
I do need,, HCQ revisited at some point. Doesn’t even have to be in any main story, I honestly just need more HCQ readables because those are some of the most enjoyment I’ve gotten out of Honkai Star Rail. Baiheng’s Travelogue to the Zhuming chANGED MY LIFE and sewed the seeds for an obsession that is far too unhealthy to the point I am in the process of wasting my money to make a Blade ita bag. And it was a single readable that started me spiralling into this obsession and made me motivated to read more readables and character stories and etc.
I need another Baiheng travelogue… here’s to praying we get another if we end up on the Yaoqing soon, in general heres to hoping for more BH lore on the Yaoqing since apparently she’s from a very prominent family on that ship.
I just really need more HCQ crumbs because as much as I love them, their in game dynamics are so underdeveloped. Yes, we have a lot of Dan Feng and Yingxing, but a lot is very vague, and we have to mostly make assumptions with the little crumbs we have. Baiheng and Jingliu also have a lot set up, but I really need more content of them because my god, we barely know anything bout their dynamic too. We mostly have the aftermath and Jingliu’s grief, but I want to know about their happiness so her prolonged mourning hits even harder by knowing exactly what she lost. Jing Yuan and Jingliu probably have the most show upfront dynamic mostly due to the animated short, but the knowledge of Jing Yuan’s dynamics with the rest of them are practically nonexistent outside of that one line about Yingxing and Jing Yuan bickering and sad looks he has that really don’t hit as hard in my opinion because we don’t have the context.
And personally out of all the dynamics I want more content more, I think I want Jing Yuan and Baiheng content the most. The lines he has when he visits the Express that are about her are my saving grace, I am the biggest advocate for these to have a very sweet familial kind of bond and messing around together causing all kinds of trouble. Bonus points if they get Yingxing along for the ride with them. But we have crumbs only 😭 we only have itty bitty crumbs and I am starving
I have a lot of my own views about what I hc their dynamics as due to what we know, but god I want to see what their dynamics in canon are supposed to be. I ranted so much about how I see Dan Feng and Yingxing’s potential dynamic, but even with that, I wanna know. I wanna know about Jingliu and Yingxing, to add even more pain to how their dynamic is now (which hehehe… I have some ideas for this specific topic, but I want canon stuff too not just my own hcs). I wanna see just exactly what Jingliu lost when Baiheng died, what in Baiheng and the way she treated her made her so devastated as to promise to cut down the stars from the sky (which? Is that? Potentially a code for something else like the current plan she has regarding a certain aeon?), like Jingliu was so clearly devastated and tormented by Baiheng’s death, still is 700 years later and we don’t know what about her made it so painful. Yes Baiheng was clearly kind as she’s been established, but just how was she kind to Jingliu? I have my own assumptions and conclusions given what we know about both, but even then it’s still something pretty completely fabricated in my head because we don’t have enough!! GIVE ME THE LIUBAI CONTENT HOYOVERSE I have you’re keeping it somewhere, tell me where
Ugh, too many HCQ thoughts in my head. I need to keep writing and finally finish that first chapter so I can reveal my insanity about them esp the Zhuming family to world. I love them
#i need to find like#a good large ita bag that isnt too expensive#because I’ve already got so many pins and keychains of blade saved#i just dont have a place to put it#buying merch of him brings me much joy#i love him sm#And ugh#the liubai brainrot is real#i am tempted to make a whole post for them like i did df and yx#but also thats even less steeped in bits of canon charactization so#i just want hcq content again :(#i miss them#i know ppl raved about the luofu being so boring and waiting to get out of it#but even with its flaws i loved the luofu so much#for many reasons one being my love of exploration regarding immortality and how it affects aspects of their society and their lives and#their relationships especially the side quests focused on like relationships between xianzhou natives and different people like#them and someone from the Vidyadhara like with that guy jealous of his past selves or a short life species like Banxia’s situation#i love it#hmmm#hsr#honkai star rail#hsr blade#yingxing#dan heng#dan feng#baiheng#jingliu#jing yuan#high cloud quintet
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So...
Fell from the sky into a "crazy world"... trying to get home... trying to get to the tree... tree causes ascension/rebirth/renewal... tree could be considered home... "we just want to go home/to the tree"... they literally need to ascend back to Remnant...
And at the risk of sounding very stupid, is this going to be some "you just gotta believe" magic? Is Ruby's Total Breakdown really holding them all back from getting out? I get that's kind of the narrative point here but still... ugh fuck, I'm just losing it right now.
NO BUT ALSO, YES! BUT ALSO, NO. mostly no but a little yes.
if you’ve never read the books (or watched the musical, which has proven to be a significant creative influence because they wrote this volume for !!!me!!!) the single most important thing you gotta know about wonderland in order to follow along with what rwby’s doing with the ever after, is that wonderland is about taking abstract ideas—metaphors, idioms, the null case, etc—literally and taking concrete things and treating them as absurd. the result is a very particular way of looking at the world. everything is sideways and stretched and turned inside out and also the same. the harder you try to understand it the less sense any of it makes, but it also makes perfect sense if you begin with the assumption that of course it makes sense. it’s very much like a dream.
the ever after nails this way of looking. absolutely knocks it out of the park. everything the cat says is true, but only if you know how to think like the cat. otherwise the words make no sense and obfuscate more than they explain.
for example: ruby asks the cat which of their names they prefer to go by, and the cat answers “oh, i don’t go by; that belongs to the days and years! but if you are asking what i am, i am indeed a cat most curious.” if you listen to that with regular ears it just sounds like the cat is talking cryptic nonsense and refusing to give a straight answer. but! in the cat’s perspective they’re not only being quite clear, they’re giving ruby a lot more information than she asked for: the days and the years go by, but the cat does not, because the cat is a cat most curious.
the cat cannot ascend because it is their purpose to know everything. the cat doesn’t, can’t, partake in the endless cycle of life and rebirth. all afterans change when it’s their time to change, but for the cat it never is and never will be. the days and the years pass them by, and they are always so. very. curious.
you see? they mean precisely what they say.
one of the things that makes 9.8 is SO COOL is that the cat code-switches to reveal their ulterior motive—they repeat all the same information conveyed by “oh, i don’t go by!” but this time speaking in ruby’s (& the audience’s) language. and then, while they do slip back into afteran speech a bit when they get irate (“it’s not a place you go, it’s a place you know!”) for the most part once they’ve made this switch they stick with it. and that’s really fun, because it pulls back the curtain to show off the machinery of the wonderland logic the ever after runs on. it’s not gibberish, it’s nonsense. there’s a kind of sense to it, if you feel around for it with your hands.
(a similar thing happens with the paper pleasers in 9.7: note the purple star explains the village’s desire for ascension in very clear, straightforward, unambiguous terms. now think about how jaune perceives ascension, the lengths he goes to to prevent it, and how the purple star says they keep trying to tell him that he’s wrong. they learned to speak his language and he still refused to listen.)
so, anyway, what this means for the tree and the way out is this:
the cat told them how to find the tree.
“you do not go to the tree.” the tree isn’t real. you can’t go to the tree—you can’t move spatially from point a to point b and expect to arrive at the tree, because it’s not something that exists as a spatial point. it’s something else. it’s an idea. it’s a metaphor. you do not go to me, i go to you; what am i? that’s what the tree is. it’s a riddle without an answer, except for all the answers it has.
“the tree goes to you.” it’s something more like the days or years, which go by; the tree goes to. it doesn’t matter where you are, where you’ve been, or where you’re going. the tree will be wherever you are when you’re there, because the tree isn’t tethered to any one point in space. the tree is everywhere and might be anywhere and certainly it’s always somewhere. (“it’s a place you know.” if you know where the tree is, you’re already there. if you don’t, you’re not. it’s very simple.)
“unless, of course, you’re me. you see?” this is two separate statements intertwined as one. just as the days and the years go by for the cat, the tree never goes to them—they can’t ascend. that’s the first thread. the second thread is a hint. how do you get the tree to be where you are? you need to be “me.” you need to be yourself, you need to know yourself, and you need to want to become yourself. the riddle is “what are you?” and the answer is “myself.”
(<- the you you wanted to be when you were still you.)
and this is exactly what happens when the tree goes to ruby. the first time, when the herbalist asks the question, she comes face-to-face with her younger self and has the shattering realization that she no longer knows who she is. the second time, the tree reaches out to her with the broken pieces that shattering shook loose, and ruby’s answer is “i’m fine. i can handle it.”—not quite an identity, but a belief about herself. and the third time, ruby says “i don’t want to be me anymore,” but then she realizes that isn’t quite true. she resists the cat, as much as she can, and the cat cannot become her. there is—waves hands—something in ruby rose that only ruby rose can be, and with everything else eroded away that something is what the tree goes to when ruby calls out to it by drinking the tea. there’s some narrative exploration happening here of what “myself” can mean, the different angles and layers of identity: the way ruby once saw herself, the stories she tells herself about herself, the essence of who she is deep down inside her heart. and ascension, of course, is about assembling all of these disparate pieces into a completed whole. you break, you rebuild.
BUT.
& this is the important part!
the tree isn’t the way home, it IS home. it is, specifically, the home of the ever after. afterans conceive of ascension as a return home to shed their burdens like an old coat, to rest, to heal, perhaps to dream for a while of what they would like to be next, in order to ready themselves for their return to the waking world. just as you can spend the night in a friend’s home, a non-afteran can rest for a while in the tree and perhaps be revitalized, but the tree isn’t their home. they’re houseguests.
could the tree get them home? open a door? help them find their way? maybe. if they look at it from the right angle, because all of these things can be metaphors for the healing and renewal the tree provides. but maybe not, because their perspective right now is all wrong. they still don’t GET IT. if they want the tree to get them home the first thing they need to know is that the tree can’t get them home: you don’t go home, home goes to you.
(home is where the heart is; it follows that if you find your heart, you’ve found your home—and found you’re home, too. if their path home runs through the tree, it’s a path made of metaphor and verbal sleight of hand. you see? it’s very simple once you get the hang of it.)
(this also, as a sidebar, elucidates why the cat cannot ascend; the tree is not their home anymore than it is rwbyjn’s. the cat is the heart of the ever after—they are the part that knows, the part that very rarely forgets, when they fill broken hearts with pieces of their own what they’re really doing is saying i remember, i remember who you were and are and will be, i remember the pieces you forgot, let me remind you of them now—but the cat’s heart is with their maker. they can’t ascend because they can’t go home and they can’t go home because their home is on remnant and their heart and their home will always be on remnant until they know why she left them here.)
(<- the cat thinks their maker left them to make humans. they don’t know, but the bubbling resentment behind their uncertainty suggests that the cat believes that she left them behind because she liked humans better. they are, accordingly, desperate to become human. finding their way to remnant as a cat wouldn’t do them any good if their maker isn’t interested in them that way anymore; it’s not enough to just find her, they need her to ANSWER THEM.)
…um.
so, the way to get home is to solve all the riddles—what are you looking for? where can you find it? what will you do? what will you be? what are you?—in, i would guess, roughly that order. the act of answering itself is what gets them home, because in the course of answering they will find what they’re looking for as a matter of course, because what they’re looking for really is where their hearts are.
(obligatory musical note: “home is where you keep your hopes and your memories/it’s more than where you sleep, it’s the place where you dream”—the essential mechanism outlined here, of finding your way home by finding where your heart is because wonderland is not about going home, is the central conceit of the musical; and i really cannot stress enough how much 9.8 set up for the next to episodes to resolve by following the same narrative beats. the characters are split up the same way with each group facing the same fundamental challenges in the same general circumstances, and the only piece not yet on the board is the mother-figure who arrives at the penultimate moment to protect alice from the defeated hatter’s wrath. which, um. UM! so, i think it’s a pretty safe bet that the thematic resolution of this volume will resemble that of the musical pretty closely, and the narrative workhorse for that theme is the getting home mechanism.)
the TL;DR here is, getting home is about—well, knowing. to get yourself home, you need to know three things: 1. what are you? 2. what is home? 3. where do you find it?
and once you know that, it’s easy.
ruby having a breakdown isn’t holding them back. (quite the contrary; ruby’s been the one finding the way home this whole time. she doesn’t know it yet, because she can’t see the whole picture, but she’s been the only one doing what she’s really supposed to do all along—letting the world guide her, turning her gaze inward and trying to see. she isn’t seeing clearly, so she thinks she’s falling behind, but really she’s still leading the way. just, in a much different way than she thought she had to.) nothing is holding them back, per se. they just haven’t learned everything they need to learn, and the things they know, they don’t know how to put together yet. once they know, they’ll already be home.
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My brain just cannot comprehend how tf these morons got to the point of confidently calling themselves radfems and in the same breath say yeah I’m just a silly girl in love with a man, what’s the issue? why are you SHAMING me (telling them that they’re not radfems lol) don’t worry about who we’re sleeping with 😜😝 ugh you guys just don’t get dick or bi gfs and that’s why you’re SoOOoO mad and jealous leave me and my man alone!! like these same blogs that rb posts that tell you to keep one foot out the door, or experiences of women finding out how their feminist bf watches porn, or to live separately or to never share their abuse story etc like idk do you rb these kinds of posts and call yourself a radfem for funsies??? 😭 also love when they tell lesbian women here they’re mad cause they don’t “get laid” with totally zero homophobic and misogynistic undertones like….I thought you guys were pro separatists??? radfems even??
Yeah. And a man will fuck an exhaust pipe so the idea we are just jealous and need a good dickin’ isn’t just misogynistic and homophobic but it’s also so ridiculous. You think getting a man to fuck you is hard? Most of the lesbians I follow (or who follow me) are les4les too, so the idea we just want to prey on bisexuals is pure lesbophobia.
They think so low of lesbians that they think we MUST have ulterior motives for acknowledging that male/female relationships are dangerous for women, the women/girls around them, and female liberation. That’s just facts?
Like PLEASE explain how male/female relationships benefit the feminist cause
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3, 16, 29, 30, 32
Ask game answers. I’ll put a below the cut thing because I don’t want to force anyone to read or scroll past my blocks of texts of they’re just scrolling for fun pictures in any of the tags. However if you ARE interested in Lucifer-centric angst fics PLEASE consider giving my Ao3 fanfiction “What Time Is It?” a shot! _______________________
3 - Tell me about one of your fics you think is underrated/underappreciated.
Okay, not a Hazbin Hotel or Luci fic (go figure I’ve only posted two and both are pretty well liked) but a Voltron one (again, go figure, the onky other thing I have publish. At least on Ao3). It’s one of the one-shots I have in my collection fic (probably why it’s under-appreciated). It’s called “Notice Me” and I won’t go into too much detail b/c this is definitely NOT the fanbase for it, but basically it’s just some yummy angst, pining, and just Lance feeling like shit after months of being ragged on. With a delicious little panic attack that I had lots of fun writing (there’s nothing wrong with me I swear—)
16 - Is there a type of fic you would never write?
Hmmm… that’s a good question. Definitely nothing that’s like… the really taboo shit like incest or non-LGBTQ related M!preg (sorry y’all I am NOT on the Lucifer birthed Charlie train). Also will probably not, as of right now, ever write a Lucifer ship fic with any canon characters (expect MAYBE Lilith, but even then it won’t be the focus). It’s just… NONE of his ships appeal to me (maybe b/c I just want him so bad but I didn’t say that). And obviously angst is where I live so I probably wouldn’t write anything super smutty. I’ll read it any day of the week, but I’ll stay in my little bubble of giving Lucifer a million mental breakdowns tyvm!
29 - What's your most popular fic?
Gee. I wonder:
30 - What do you struggle with most when writing?
Hmmm… this is a good question. I think there are a couple main things.
One, trying to fulfill the wishes of my ducklings while also not taking forever w/ certain plotlines. Obviously I’m not gonna please everyone all the time, but I try to include requests pretty soon after I read them if I don’t have a specific plan for them to show up in the future (B/c otherwise I WILL forget).
Two, sometimes motivation is a real bitch man. I’ll have all these ideas floating around, then open my fic and realize I can do ANY of that yet because I’ve gotta finish writing this specific part that I’m stuck on how to make it flow right. Also this is gonna sound weird but sometimes I think I straight up zone out while writing. Like if I’m bored, I’ll write and convince myself that everything I just put on the page was trash B/c I didn’t absorb any of it.
Three, proof-reading. I love it and hate it. I need to do it B/c if you’d SEEN some of the whack ass typos I’ve made you’d been pointing, laughing, stomping me into the dirt. But it also takes so much time. It’s much better in the tummy angsty chapters where I’m genuinely excited to read through it again. I’m always so worried about my lacing in certain scenes, whether it’s too fast, too slow, etc. Though, I have noticed, I am a LOT easier on myself when I proof-read in the morning or afternoon as opposed to at night. Which is a little strange but whatever.
32 - What's a fic you'd love to write, but probably never will?
Oooo… there are a LOT of like… ‘head fanfictions’ that have been kicking around up here for YEARS that I know I’ll never get around to B/c like… ugh. Here are a few that are Lucifer/Hazbin Hotel based:
Cast of HH reacts to the show fic. Okay, call me cringe but I actually eat those types of fics up and there is NONE out there. I just want people to react to how BAD Lucifer’s living and mental situation is right now and coddle him, is that so bad? But I know I never will because those kinds of fics take SO! MUCH! WORK!
When I’m not thinking of this fic, there’s this other general concept that gets rolled around with Lucifer basically like… sacrificing himself for both Heaven and Hell in front of like… everyone. He lives in the end b/c like they all cliché stand in a circle and sing and their ‘good’ energy comes together to help him. But like it basically gets heaven and everyone to see him in a new light and realize just how much he ISN’T the monster he’s been pained to be. And what rlly hurts is me imagining his ‘last words’ to be something like: “I didn’t fuck it up this time.” Because. You know. Angst.
OOOO and one where like… it’s set somewhere in the future where Heaven is actually being nice and giving the Hazbin Hotel a chance. Multiple sinners have been redeemed at this point and the angels are down in hell having like a celebration at how far things have come. Lucifer feels both jealous that HE will never get that chance, and just absolutely hates himself because like ALL THESE SINNERS got the chance to go back, but he’s too horrible of a person to be able to have that forgiveness. Lots of feels that I actually DON’T wanna say too much about B/c after WTiI is finished I may want to try and make this happen. I’m only putting it under THIS ask because… u know… I have no clue where my headspace will be if/when WTiI does reach its final chapter. ________________
Thank you for sending in the asks! These were so fun to respond to!
#hazbin hotel fanfiction#fanfic content#lucifer fanfiction#fanfic#hazbin hotel lucifer#hazbin hotel#fanfiction#i love luci#lucifer hazbin hotel#lucifer#fanfiction ask game#tumblr asks#ask blog#ask answered#voltron#lance mcclain#brief mention#langst#author#just some fun thoughts#thank you so much#I didn’t think I was gonna have super long answer for these#but ofc if u get an author to write#they’re gonna go ham 😔#oopsie.#anyways#enjoy my rambling#seriously though I rlly wanna do that last fics at some point
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Hiya! How've you been?
Howdy! I'm doing well :D
Demise has me in a strangle hold right now. Self Aware Demise, who is trapped behind a screen, specifically. Like... Yes, you kinda scary but you are trapped in the world and I can baffle you with a butterfly net. Am I teasing you? yes. Am I also trying to communicate with you through my silent protagonist? Yes.
I'm so excited for tomorrow! I finally get to sit down and play Echoes of Wisdom! I cannot play during the days I work, otherwise I lose all motivation to do anything in life, including making money, chores, medications, etc... I get really badly focused on my new things.
I need to do chores a bit tomorrow before I play. I need to vacuum, sweep, and a load of dishes. Which... Ugh... I'll get it done, just... ughhhhhhh.... UUUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHH...
I love this new arc of the isekai. I'm excited for it <3
I am kinda addicted to the idea of self aware Demon Kings. Just wanna poke them a little.
Anywhooos how are you? Whatcha up to? Whats new?
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Alright, it's been asked for so I'm posting it. This is my self insert Tav Joanna taking a bath with Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart and Karlach. No smut, a little Gale/Tav but mostly just yearning. Casual nudity but that's as spicy as it gets. I have no idea about formatting etc so I apologise if this is sloppy.
Some notes about my Tav before we start: She's my self insert so she's tall, has long hair, and is chubby. She's chronically ill (asthmatic) so that's what she made a deal with her patron over. As an aside, if anyone knows which god would be appropriate for that I'd love to hear, as far as I'm aware the Baldur's Gate universe doesn't have an equivalent to Papa Nurgle.
Joanna stretched out her arms and rolled her neck before gathering up her clothes.
'Kaaaaaarlaaaach...' She drawled, in that very obvious 'I-want-something-from-you' tone. She and Karlach were close, perhaps closer than anyone else in their little party, and Joanna knew she could get away with asking a favour.
'Yeah, what do you need from me this time?' Karlach sighed, but was grinning all the same.
'I need to take a bath and do some laundry, you mind coming with to warm up the water?' A snort, and the sound of someone choking on liquid caused Joanna to swivel her head. '... what? Something wrong?'
Wyll could barely put his cup down without spilling it the coughing fit was so strong. Halsin moved to clap him on the back but was waved away. 'You're going to be taking a bath... together?' Eyebrows fully raised, he couldn't and didn't hide the shock on his face.
'... yeah, why?' The whole camp was now oddly silent. 'What, are you telling me I'm the only one here who's used a bath house before?' Joanna was incredulous, she hardly thought a little communal bathing was all that shocking especially when the tadpoles meant that her soul was laid bare before her companions despite her wishes. 'Ugh, never mind. Karlach, you okay with joining me?'
Karlach nodded furiously, overjoyed at the thought of even casual touch after so long. 'Hey, offer's open if anyone else needs to get clean, y'know, just for efficiency.' Her smile was wide enough she felt her cheeks might fall off.
His courage now gathered after the initial shock, Astarion piped up. 'Oh, I suppose my clothes pile is getting rather big, I might as well partake, too.' Karlach looked like she might faint from happiness.
Joanna's stomach fluttered slightly, but she kept it to herself. Astarion was beautiful, charming, but she knew danger when she saw it. Danger, it turns out, has crimson red eyes that glitter in the sunlight. She swallowed hard. 'Sure. Anyone else joining before we head out?'
In all, there were five of them. Gale had joined supposedly to help 'keep a lid on things' but his true motives were hardly so selfless. Shadowheart was also present, needing to take down and wash her pretty black hair for the first time in a while. Thus assembled, they made off for the lake, chatting away. Shadowheart took the time to point out flowers that interested her and Gale's voice was a near constant, talking about the process of learning a spell from a scroll. While he loved to share knowledge, there was an elitist streak in him that Joanna loved to call attention to. She remembered how he'd barely hid his derision on learning she was a warlock, and hadn't *studied* and *learned* magic like he had. There was no animosity there though, or very little. Gale simply didn't have the capacity to hold a grudge for such a minor slight.
Arriving at the pool, Karlach designated a nearby rock as the 'laundry pile' and began to strip off, then took a running leap to cannonball into the water. 'Ah, crap, it's freezing! No wonder you wanted me here!' She shuddered dramatically but soon was in her element, leaning back and swimming back and forth.
Joanna, Shadowheart and Astarion similarly undressed, Gale following after a slight pause. He was uncertain, having hardly been a social butterfly before this tadpole business. Now he was suddenly presented with the opportunity to bathe in the company of some of the most beautiful people he'd ever seen and it gave him pause. Still, he decided it would be far stranger to remain clothed in such a situation and soon followed suit.
There was a happy silence as the group set about washing themselves, enjoying a moment of peace aside from the madness. The water was pleasantly warm thanks to Karlach and being able to wash off days worth of grime was the small mercy everyone needed.
'Hey, you want me to wash your back soldier?' Karlach offered after seeing Joanna struggle with reaching the spot between her shoulder blades.
'Ugh, would you? I just can't quite get it.' She turned and pulled her hair over one shoulder, exposing her back. Karlach paused for a moment, taking in the sight. They were friends, certainly, but did she feel something more? Did she want that? Karlach shook her head slightly and picked up the bar of soap, content with feeling Joanna's soft, creamy skin beneath her hands. She strayed up to Joanna's shoulders, noticing the tension there.
A small, satisfied moan escaped Joanna's lips before she clapped her hands over her mouth and giggled nervously. 'Oh gods, sorry, that just feels really nice.' Karlach didn't draw away but laughed herself, reaching for a small cup to rinse off the soap.
'Oh, please!' Astarion spat, voice thick with derision. 'This feels obscene! Gale, didn't you come here to put a stop to this sort of thing? And you people tell me I'm badly behaved!'
Gale couldn't help but laugh. 'Come on now Astarion, I'm hardly here as a chaperone. Provided we don't stray below the belt I can hardly complain at two friends helping each other wash.'
'No, I suppose you wouldn't! Too busy enjoying the view, eh? I know your sort, you love to watch!' The men continued to squabble, or perhaps flirt with each other. Joanna couldn't tell, and didn't mind much. She felt loved, and at peace for once. Karlach tapped her on the back.
'Alright lovely, you're all done.' Karlach loved being able to casually touch once more. Hugs, pats on the shoulder, ruffling hair, she'd ached for it for so long, and now she could do it once more. Joanna turned and smiled.
'Would you like help with your hair? I saw you messing with it at camp earlier.' Karlach thought she might die from happiness at that moment.
'Would you? Only if you don't mind, I know it's a mess, and tangly, and-' She was cut off by Joanna hopping out of the water.
'Sure, let me grab my comb.' Joanna strayed back to the laundry rock and rifled around in her belongings, unaware of Gale's eyes raking across her form. He stopped dead mid-sentence and Shadowheart had to stifle a laugh. He was so completely transparent, everyone knew and Astarion took great joy in mocking him whenever Joanna was barely out of earshot. Gale had just recovered enough to continue with his diatribe as Joanna returned to the lake, sitting on its edge.
'Alright gorgeous, spin around for me.' She made a spinning gesture with her hand and Karlach was happy to comply. Casual terms of endearment weren't unheard of between them and Karlach was all too happy to hear them. Besides, Joanna would say, Karlach *was* gorgeous, what was wrong with acknowledging it?
She set about work slowly undoing the braids in Karlach's hair and working through the larger tangles with her fingers. Now wet down, Karlach's hair looked far less intimidating to detangle although Joanna worked gently all the same. Karlach closed her eyes and leant back slightly, enjoying someone playing with her hair for the first time in... ever. Concentrating on her task, Joanna began to sing to herself.
'Daisy, Daisy... Give me your answer, do...' It began as a totally unaware expression of joy to be with people she loved, but Karlach made her aware by continuing the verse.
'I'm half crazy, all for the love of you~' She waved her hands back and forth as if conducting herself. Joanna laughed, a blush rising in her cheeks although she didn't mind it, not at all. For once in her life, she felt at ease with being vulnerable with these people, with them knowing exactly who she was and what she was like. After a lifetime of orphanages and distant schoolteachers, she felt at home.
'Sorry, I'll stop now. I'm nearly done.' Karlach had hardly felt the slightest tug of the comb but when she reached up to check her hair felt smooth and silky, no tangles at all. Karlach patted Joanna's thigh reassuringly.
'Hey, I didn't hear anyone complaining. I think everyone's just pleased to see you happy.' Gale nodded in agreement from across the pond, temporarily breaking his death stare on Karlach. It wasn't that she'd done anything wrong of course, he was just green with envy at the thought of taking her place. A small laugh from Joanna was all she had to say in return, needing nothing more than to know she was appreciated.
Everyone now washed, there was a slight squabble over towels before Astarion reluctantly rescinded the one around his hair to Gale so he also could get dry. Their bath together had left him with a lot to think about, and reminded him he needed to act quickly if he wanted to let Joanna know how he felt. To burden her with knowledge of his feelings when she was already with someone else would be too much for him to bear. But, it was for another time. Right now everyone needed to gather their clothes and make back to camp.
Now with tags! @the-samsquantch @kuper5tons @salty-scribe @666spaghetti-ohno Thanks to everyone for expressing interest :3
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hey all i’m saying is that sam and adhd reader would match each other’s freak. idk if you write that but i just imagine sam would be so helpful if reader was overstimulated/stressed/etc (he seems neurodivergent coded to me but maybe i’m just projecting). he’d just be impulse manager/ motivator to do things. idk idk just a thought 👉👈
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yESSSSSS I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THISSSSSS SMOOCHES FOR YOUUUUUU AAAAAAAA I WOULD SOOOO WRITE THIS
they would match each other's freak !!!!!!! ugh i'm crying i need him SO BAD i am gonna write this one way or another dw bestie, like he'd be SO HELPFUL and sooo understanding because ABSOLUTELY HE IS SOOO NEURODIVERGENT CODED i don't care if that's just us projecting i think it genuinely fits his character. i adore him and i need him and thank you for sending this ask
i need to add this to my wips ASAP and definitely send a request if you have a specific idea once theyre back open (or send a request for a headcanon with adhd!reader for my event, that way i'll write it sooner! only if you want tho ofc <333 i'd definitely like to write both hcs and a fic with this idea so dw i'll get to it eventually <33)
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