#just love em! have i SEEN the show? no! i live in australia! but that wont stop me!!
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muppetmagic ¡ 9 months ago
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just give me trust and watch what'll happen!
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henryobsessed ¡ 3 years ago
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The Veterinarian and the Werewolf - Chapter 1
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Summary: Jessie has completed Veterinarian school, after the death of her aunt has moved back to her home town.
word Count: 2013
A/N hello How are you all doing? we are in lockdown again here in Victoria Australia, I hope that means more time to write :)
Prologue
Chapter 1
Jessie sank into her plush foe leather couch; it had been a month since she had returned to her hometown and surprisingly her business was thriving. Even though she had yet to treat any wildlife she had a steady stream of cats, dogs, birds, ferrets, and other assortments of domestic animals heading through her doors. A big surprise to her was the number of cattle ranchers who on her arrival had asked her to make house calls to assess their cattle. Normally they paid for someone to come out to their co-op from the neighbouring bigger city. Now she was here if she could gain their trust, she would be set.
She looked around at her aunt’s old house, so many beautiful memories, Bet had been her best friend apart from the animals and had encouraged her to follow her dreams, she had even pitched in to her college fund when her parents’ life insurances had not been quite enough. She pictured her aunt standing at the stove, cooking her pancakes, grey hair piled atop her head, apron wrapped around her tall slender body, excited to cook for “The Vet” as she had lovingly called her even before she started her degree.
The last time they had spent time together she had sat on the couch, pancakes in hand. Her honey brown eyes pinning Jessie to her seat as her age roughened voice pleaded, “You can’t keep shutting people out Jessie, you have to open yourself to the possibility that you might find love, or even a good friend. You’re an adult now, and I won’t be around forever.” Her eyes misting as she whispered, “I worry about you honey, I don’t want you living your life alone like I did.”
Jessie had hugged her aunt pulling her in tight as she felt her sweet Bet’s distress. She had never asked why she was on her own, caught up in her own dramas. She had loved that it was just the two of them. But now she wondered if she had been too selfish. Once she was at college, her aunt was alone again. As if validating her aunt’s concern’s, she had received a call, a week after returning back to her last month of college. Her Aunt had suffered a major heart attack at work. Even though she was in the hospital when it had occurred, they were unable to save her. It had been a hard few months no one had come by the house for the funeral, it had just been the two of them. The local lawyer had encouraged her to sell up and move to a more populated area saying they had no need for a vet, and she had considered it. But a part of her still felt connected to the land, connected to those buried deep within the woods around their house.
He phone buzzed bringing her out of her musings, shaking the tired fog from her head she peeked at the antique gold clock above the mantel 11pm, Picking up the phone she heard a timid voice answer “Is this the vet, the one that came to our ranch last week?” mind pulled into action she answered “ yes this is the Vet what can I do for you?” a shaky breath let out as the young man responded, “I’m sorry for calling so late, My name is Thomas, my dad owns Ride em ranch. I was out checking traps around the property line, I hate them so much but dad insists we have them, a wolf has been caught. If I don’t get him out of here soon my Dad or one of the hands will come and kill him. Please what do I do?” sitting up Jessie talked in a calm voice to the boy, “First thing how is the wolf behaving?” getting up Jessie pulled her coat on whilst heading for the car, “He’s growling and whimpering at the same time ma’am, I think he would bite me if I got to close, but I can see he is in a lot of pain.” Opening the door to her pickup she jumped in glad her veterinarian bag was already in the back. “Ok Thomas tell me where you are, I am on my way”
Jessie was focused looking for the a boy in a red checked shirt and dark blue jeans, a part of her was excited, she was finally able to help a wolf, but another part of her was worried she was too late. There waving his arms illuminated by the high beams of her truck she saw Thomas, he had blond hair, brown eyes, and stood around 6 ft 3 although he had not filled out yes so even with his height looked like a young man.
Pulling up she could see his obvious fretting as he didn’t stop to talk but rather, as soon as she had her bag, started moving back into the forest. The boy was so intent on getting her there he didn’t say a word, however the closer they got the more evident it was the animal was in great distress. Long lone howls could be heard along with whimpers, when Thomas broke into the area where the wolf was his whimpers changed to savage snapping of his teeth and loud growls interrupted by his whines. The was until Jessie stepped into the opening, She could have sworn the wolf looked right at her with shock before it laid its head down and quietened. Jessie was amazed, its behaviour was one of submission and in its current state was highly unusual. She walked closer, slowly talking to the animal, “Hey boy, your ok, I’m here to help ok. Will you let me help you?”
She knelt just outside of the range where the wolf could reach her and reached into the bag, the majestic creature watched her closely but gone was the snarls and defensive growling. All that was left was his pain filled whimper, quickly assessing his weight she pulled a small tranquilizer gun out along with some prefilled darts. On seeing the gun he let out a long mournful howl that tore at her heart, “I’m sorry, but this will make you feel better I promise.” Taking aim she shot into his flank. He let out a soft yelp, they kept eye contact as he slowly lowered his eye lids.
Ok Thomas we need to move fast, I had to guess his weight and even though I am sure I’ve have put him out for the night I can’t guarantee that.” Together they moved to the brown black creature, jessie made note as they together removed the trap from its leg that the creature had seen better days. His hair was matted in places and there were other areas where the fur was missing showing signs of fights that it had been in. Carefully after assessing the rest of its body, Thomas and Jessie lifted the creature which from tail to muzzle would have been 6 ft 5 however it showed malnutrition and was much lighter that she would have expected for a creature of its size and age. In fact had Thomas not been there to help she would have been able to lift the wolf herself which said a lot for its condition. Sadness filled her as they carefully placed it in the back of the truck. Once he was securely placed in the back she turned to the young man “Thank you Thomas, I appreciate your help and your kindness” Thomas looked down at his feet for a moment before signing, “Please don’t tell my pa, he would think I was a pansy for doing this. What he fails to understand is we need to work with the wolves without them….. well we need them. Thank you for coming, I hope he survives.”
Jessie watched the tall young man in her rear vision as she dove away, there was something special about him.
On reaching her clinic she bought out a trolley and carefully picked up the wolf playing him down and wheeled him into the treatment rooms. Her first priority was x-ray the leg and make sure it wasn’t broken, as she moved around the room her other patients called out to her. A small Tibetan spaniel who was in for cherry eye surgery whimpered at her before settling down in it’s cage, along with a tabby who was recovering from a broken leg, who at all the noise hissed at her. “ohh come now calm down, we have to help this poor creature ok. I expect you both to keep him company as he recovers.” She quickly took the x-rays dismayed to see that the trap had indeed crushed his ulna and radius on the right leg. The night was long as she reset the leg and applied a cast. The sun was coming up, and her young assistant joe was walking in the front door as she finished setting the wolf up in a special cage.
Joe taken aback walked around to peer into the cage, “OMG Jessie, where did you find this boy? He is gorgeous and yet has seen better days.” Exhausted she just stood wiping her hands on her apron and started cleaning, “you look like you need a break Jessie, why don’t you go home, I’ll reschedule your non important appointments and push the urgent ones back to this afternoon so you can get some sleep.” Grateful she nodded her thanks and left the Joe to care for the grumpy cat, and Tibbey.
Jessie’s dreams were plagued with images of the wolf, his eyes that held so much pain caused her heart to constrict. The resemblance to the those she had buried so many years ago could not have been a coincidence. As she tossed and turned the images grew bolder, the wolfs from long ago circled her, she felt no fear only curiousness as they sniffed at her before one by one they laid at her feet. She knelt and stroked each one, reassuring them that she would take care of him. A loud sound broke into the now peaceful dream, her mind now fussy she picked up the phone, “Jessie” the frantic voice of her assistant invaded her calm “Jessie you have to get down here, the wolf woke up and is tearing at the cage. I can’t even get close enough to change the fluid bag. I’m scared he is going to break out.” Jumping out of bed she ran to grab her bag, not even worried that she was still in her pajamas she ran to her truck. The clinic was only 5 mins by car, but she was the only one authorised to use the tranqu gun.
Running into the clinic she could hear the panicked snarls and snaps of the wolf, the sound of the metal clanging and it tried to escape. Gun in hand she ran into the room, as Joe opened the door and her eyes met that of the wolf the strangest thing happened. Just as it had in the forest, the wolf calmed, whined and laid its head down. “well I never!!” Joe breathed in exasperation, “Teach me Obi wan, Tell me your secrets” if she hadn’t been so socked herself she would have laughed at Joe’s comment. However this was not normal wolf behaviour. Taking a risk she moved forward and sat before the creature, an odd feeling settling in her stomach as joe handed her the new bag. Talking in a calm voice she addressed the canine, “This will help you feel better ok” his eyes locked with hers as he whimpered. Risking everything she hooked up the new bag then opened the cage, going against her training she reached in and caressed him. She felt his body relax the more she stroked his neck and flank until he was once again asleep. Replacing the latch on the door she looked back a Joe both confused and amazed.
Chapter 2
I have tagged people from my last story if you wish to be removed please let me know 😊
@legendarywizarddetective @blakerogue @ladamari68 @witcherfan @sillyrabbit81 @littlefreya
@stephartrave @angelcavill66 @fatefuldestinies @bageracat
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@abschaffer2 @elena-myth @shy-violet-soul @hisnamewasmojito @tumblrninia @thereisa8ella@cavilladdict @its–fandom–darling @omgkatinka @leaena2go@littlefreya @elena-myth @bluedog63 @oh-for-fic-sake @legendarywizarddetective @foodieforthoughts @lady-love88 @ladamari68 @elena-myth @viking-raider @hisnamewasmojito @its–fandom–darling @fysaelys @zurcda @allthingsatlanta13 @bageracat @cecilegoestoparis
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thebrownssociety ¡ 3 years ago
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Space Jam 2 AU [AKA Across The Serververse] Part 2.
Hey! Roxy Goth here. So, just a couple of quick note before we carry on, firstly -  from now on I think I’ll just have the title of this as ‘Across The Serververse’ and drop the Space Jam 2 AU bit. 
Secondly - I can’t remember exactly how Rhythm got the toons into the Servereverse, by that I mean if they literally just stepped into it, ALA Dom + LeBron or if they had to go into a spaceship like Marvin’s. 
So I’ve just done something that may or may not be right. Enjoy!
Warning: Swearing
*6 months later*
Pepe and Penelope were excited. After 6 awesome - but admittedly long - months they were finally coming back to Tune Town. As they had been last to be picked up last time it meant they were also last to be dropped off, so by this point they had the boat to themselves.
“Ah, mon leetle cherry-blossom.” Pepe said, embracing Penelope. “The other passengers, they have gone, which leaves a monsieur and a mademoiselle alone together. What do you suppose we do in ze short about of time we have?”
Penelope giggled and hugged him, but as she hugged him she got a view of their home world. “P-p-pepe-” She said, faintly.
Not liking the nervousness in his wife’s voice, Pepe turned and his jaw dropped.
Tune Town was deserted. There were no signs of life anywhere, tumbleweeds ambled lazily across the desert parts of it, while in the forest parts the trees had started to go somewhat wild. That had always been Elmer and Sam’s job [and Marvin’s, if he was around] to cut down the trees. So where were they?
Before either of them could really process what was going on, the trees started shaking with so so much force that Pepe and Penelope were inclined to cling to each other, despite the fact they were on a boat.
“What is it?” Penelope whispered.
“I don’t know.” Pepe said, forgetting to put on his French accent. 
Just then a small figure darted out of the trees and ran towards the beach. “Don't stop!” The voice of Bugs Bunny called. “Keep goin’!” They could see him properly now, running down the beach and along the jetty. When the boat got close enough the rabbit braced himself and jumped onto it, hitting the floor with so much force he became flat.
“Hey! You have to pay!” The boat-captain yelled, while Pepe shook Bugs so he became 2-D again.
The rabbit reached into hammerspace and pulled out a couple of notes before just hurling them at the captain with an impatient. “Dere, does dat cover it? Now-” He turned to his friends. “Am Oi glad ta see you two!”
Pepe and Penelope were to stunned to respond to that, there eyes taking in the rabbit’s appearance. His eyes were wild and excited, his chin had stubble on it, his fur was messy and unkempt and - the most worrying of all for Bugs Bunny - his ears were down. He had also seen fit to dress himself in a tramps outfit. 
Seeing his friends horrified look, Bugs looked down at himself and said. “Eh...I guess ya wanna know what happened, don’ cha?” Upon getting a nod Bugs yelled to the captain to ‘park it a moment!’ and - grabbing a torch out of nowhere - began with: “It all started a mere two weeks after you left meself, Daf and Elmer were practising our famous ‘Duck Season, Wabbit season’ routine, actually, ya know what? I’ll show ya in flashback. Hold on-” He put his hands to the side of his head and concentrated.
*Flashback starts*
“Duck season!” Bugs said, ripping down a poster,
“Wabbit season!” Daffy snapped, yanking down another poster.
“Duck season!”
“Wabbit season!”
“Duck-!”
Bugs was cut of in his witty comeback by Elmer suddenly sighing and sitting down on the grass.
Bugs and Daffy looked at each other in confusion, before simultaneously shrugging and sitting next to the hunter, one on each side of him. Bugs got a carrot out his hammerspace and took a bite. “Eh...what’s up, Hunter?”
“Sowwy.” Elmer said, tiredly. “I’m not feewing it today.”
“No prob-lemo!” Daffy said, before Bugs could speak. “What do you want to do? We could go to Australia!” He pulled down a backdrop of Australia, causing them all to sweat. “Or France!” He pulled down another backdrop and threw a string of onions round both his brothers necks. “Or England!” He pulled down another backdrop and grabbed a cup of tea out from hammerspace. “Justh name a place!”
Elmer, holding a cup of tea with a string of onions slung round his neck, looked wide-eyed and confused. “...Home?” He said, simply.
Daffy sighed and the backdrops fell around him. “Okay then. I suppose we’ve had enough for one day. Oh, Bugsy, Bugsy ol’ buddy, ol pal!” He slung an arm round the rabbits shoulders. “Might I enquire what you are making for dinner?”
“Eh...ya can ask.” Bugs said nonchalantly.
As Daffy started to try and barter his way into a good dinner, the scene switched to the middle of Tune Town, where a tall, black, slightly shimmering man was talking to the other LT’s.
Bugs’s eyes narrowed and he marched towards them, yelling. “Hey! Who de hell are you? Dis is a private island, ya know!”
“I am Al-G-Rhythm.” The guy said, smoothly. “I am Warner Bros newest mode of technology. The link between all of your worlds. The Serververse. No longer will you have to travel between world like a second-class citizen, you can all live in one place together.”
“An’ dis benefits us...how?” Bugs asked, not believing all this for a second.
“You get to expand your horizons. Actually go into other characters worlds. You can explore, who knows? Maybe even rebrand-”
“Eh...I don’t think so.” Bugs said, confidently. “We’ve done enough ‘rebranding’ over de past few years. We’re all good here.” The other toons nodded along with him. 
“That’sh what YOU think!” Daffy said, dramatically poking Bugs in the chest. “I for one would LOVE to spread my wings!”
“Eh...jus’ talk ta Warner Bros, Daf. I’m sure they can get you a role spoofing some of de other properties.” Bugs said, easily.
“Of course.” AL-G-Rhythm purred. “With the offer I’M making you you can go anywhere and be whoever you want to be. All of you.” He added, seeing the other Looney Tunes beginning to look interested. “Anything and anywhere you want to be. I mean, let’s face it, you’ve all done so much for this stup - I mean, Warner Brothers over the years, isn’t it time you cut loose and had some fun?”
Bugs’s eyes narrowed. The Looneys were perfectly capable of having fun without needing to go across the serververse, thank you very much. He looked around, expecting to see his family with similar expression, but instead they were all talking to each other about it and sounding...excited?
“I can take you anywhere you want to go.” Rhythm said, his voice raising a little above the noise. “Hogwarts, Austin Powers, Matrix, you name it, WB have probably done something with it at some time. And if you wanted to go back in time, no problem, we still have the Paramount Pictures stuff on a different planet.”
“Reawwy?” Elmer -who was a big fan of The [original] Addams Family - asked.
Rhythm smiled. “Reawwy - eh, really. All you have to do is step into the serververse...” He stepped to one side and a suddenly a glowing door appeared from nowhere. “...And you can go anywhere you want. Now...who’s with me?”
The other Looneys looked tempted, they really did.  But after a shared glance and one of those ‘telepathic conversations’ they were so good at, Porky shook his head and said, politely but firmly. “T-th-thanks for t-t-the offer, Mr R-r-rhythm, but if it’s all the sa-the sam - makes no difference to you, we’ll stay here.”
The other looneys nodded.
Al-G-Rhythms eyes grew hard and his voice dropped to a baritone level as he said. “Well...don’t say I didn’t try and do it the nice way.”
Before any of the toons could ask what he meant though, Rhythm raised his hands and every toons except Bugs was lifted in the air, all with various shouts of surprise.
Bugs heart pounded as he looked at his family's frightened faces - some of them were clearly in pain - and he yelled. “Let ‘em go! Take me if ya hav’ ta!”
The other Looneys all started yelling at him not to do it, that it was a stupid idea. Rhythm looked at the grey rabbit and seemed to be considering it. Then he shrugged and - with a dramatic swoop of the arms -  made all of Bugs family disappear. 
“NNNNNNOOOOOO!” Bugs yelled and kind of did a little dance where he tried to go to one side, then the other, but realised that unlike his cartoons he had no idea what had just happened. “A’ight Buster.” Bugs growled. “What the fuck have you done with my family?”
“Oh!” Rhythm said, with false innocence and Bugs’s fist itched to punch him. “That was your family? Oh...I had no idea. From the way you treat them I thought it was the ‘Bugs Bunny’ show.”
“Yeah, a’ight, ya made ya point. Now bring ‘em back!”
“And where would the fun be in that?” Rhythm smirked, then became deadly serious. “Now listen to me ‘wabbit’ and listen carefully, course I ain’t sayin’ this again. I have sent your assistants-”
“-Brothers and sisters you mean.” Bugs corrected.
Rhythm looked surprised. “You consider Lola Bunny a sister? I thought you were dating.”
“Eh...” Bugs waved a hand. “That’s in canon Doc. This is ‘off-stage’ so ta speak.”
Rhythm hummed thoughtfully then - remembering he was supposed to giving a monologue - carried on with. “Whatever they are to you is no matter. The point is they are all spread across the servisverse and they’ve all been sent to random places that-” He laughed. “-Hell, even I don’t know! And YOU-” He pointed at Bugs. “-Have 6 months to find them and if you DON’T they will be deleted!” He started laughing hysterically.
“Eh...” Bugs said, left eye beginning to twitch. “Ya know Warner Bros have access to the servers as well and will realise we’re not in our world? They’ll then send us back.”
Rhythm scoffed. “You think I’m an idiot? I’ve thought of that - you wanna know how? Well, FORGET IT!” He suddenly bellowed, getting right in Bugs’s face. “I’m not going to tell you! You’ll have to figure it all out for yourself. but I’ll make it fair for you.” He said, voice taking on a soft, almost fatherly quality. “I promise that I won’t look at your progress until the last day, deal? Then you can’t say I’ve interfered. Deal?”
Bugs yelled his protestations at the top of his lungs, but Rhythm just laughed and disappeared back into the serververse. 
*End flashback*
After the end of that flashback it was safe to say Pepe and Penelope were quite shocked. They were still trying to get there head around the fact that all this had happened in the 6 mere months they’d been away, when they heard a strange sound and saw Bugs crying.
Penelope hushed him and Pepe offered him a handkerchief. Bugs blew into it noisily at exactly the same time the horn blew before handing it back to Pepe who looked at it in disgust and threw it over the side of the ship. 
“So what happened after that?” Penelope asked, fearing she already knew the answer. “Where are they?”
“Oi don’t know, okay!?” Bugs wailed. “I don’t know! Dere in different worlds somewhere, but I don’t know where and I don’t know how it works! Oi don’t know if they’ve just gone to the worlds, but without being able to shift so they stand out like a sore thumb or if they’re replacing someone else within dat world! In which case, where’s de character dere replacin’? Oi don’t know which worlds dere in, oi don’t know if dere safe or happy or bein’ tortured - I DON’T KN-!”
*SLAP*
Bugs blinked and felt the imprint Penelope’s hand had just left on him. “T’anks. Oi needed dat.”
“We weel get them back.” Pepe said, placing a hand reassuringly on Bugs’s shoulder. “Myself and Penelope will help you. We will not rest until out family, it iz complete!”
Bugs smiled shakily and wiped his eyes. “Well, dere’s one issue with dat-” Seeing his brother and sister’s curious look he gave a half-hysterical laugh and asked. “Well, why do you t’ink oi’m still here? Oi can’t get out. I’ve tried goin’ back through to Warner Bros central, oi can’t do it. The portal we use physically won’t let me through. Oi t’ink Rhythm has put some kind of block on me. To stop me leaving so oi can’t find da others. It’s de only thing that makes sense. An’ I’ve tried different versions of me as well from all across the years. King me, jester me, classic me, new me. I even tried Ace Bunny, dat’s how desperate oi was! I can’t leave-”
“-What about Chungus?” Penelope asked. Seeing the weird looks Pepe and Bugs were giving her she explained. “It sounds like Rhythm has put some sort of block on YOU. But...Big Chungus...he isn't technically a version of you, is he? He started out as a meme taken from when you were shape-shifting”
“He’s in ‘World of Mayhem.” Bugs said, doubtfully.
“Which is a game!” Penelope said, excitedly. “Not a tv show! Have you tried it? No? Well, give it a go!”
Feeling excited for the first time in 5 and a half months Bugs took a breath and started to shape himself into the monstrosity that was Big Chungus. When he had finished he smiled, leapt onto the mast and - donning a pirate hat and sword - yelled. “Full steam ahead! Warner Bros Central here we come!”
As the exit - aka the portal - that led to Warner Bros Central loomed over him Bugs felt nervous. ‘Please work, please work, please work-” He chanted under his breath. 
Then with a flash of blinding light, they went through. 
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shadowgeist-stars ¡ 3 years ago
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Vitam et Mortem: Divine Pride
A small gift for Pride Month before June ends. I probably should've come up with this earlier, but hey, I hope you enjoy it regardless.
Bridget had wanted to show Emily her new favorite part of June for years since they first began. After all the time they spent together for the last five or six centuries, she found it quite fun to introduce the otherwise reclusive Mother Nature to all the things she otherwise ignored among the mortals.
But this particular celebration wasn't just a joyous occasion for herself. Many lost spirits and even deities from all over the world rejoiced at the celebration of their own way of love and life.
From the gods of ancient Mesopotamia, to the far-flung rainbow serpents of Australia, to the hidden deities in China and Japan, to Bridget's own neighboring Loas and other divine friends in the Americas. The jubilee expressed by the immortals could only be matched, let alone surpassed, by that of the humans. Finally, all of the unfortunate people who lost themselves for the sake of their own hearts wouldn't have died in vain. All of the poor children close to that edge had something to look forward to.
"Come on, Emily, it's this way!" she called, leading her companion by the hand. "I promise you'll love it!"
Mother Nature chuckled, following the winged girl as quickly as she could. "This is the most excited I've seen you in the past few centuries. Have you met another holiday spirit?"
Bridget shrugged. "Not exactly. But I think you'll especially love it. It can't be much further now."
They stopped when they reached a crowd of people down the road.
Marching through the street was a parade of celebration. Flags of many bright color combinations littered the area. Some were blue, purple and pink. Some were pastel pink and blue and white. But a great many of the flags and all-encompassing banners -- and there were so, so many of them -- were all the colors of the rainbow.
"Bridget, my dear… what on Earth is this?"
Before her eyes, the rainbow painted itself over Bridget's otherwise black cloak. Strips of each color encircled her long cloak in luminous, vibrant hues. Shades of deep bright pink and fiery red orange sought out her shoulder cape, imitating one of the proudly-waving flags in the parade with black between each stripe. Emily soon learned exactly what it meant, as many couples in the parade embraced one another without fear or shame.
"It's a celebration of people like us," the redhead explained, no less than sheer jubilee on her face. "You once showed me how many animals are able to love in the same way we do. And according to the older gods, mortals who were the same way never had such a chance to be themselves since before the Dark Ages. Now that they have that chance again… isn't it beautiful?"
Emily did remember showing her all that. From birds of all kinds to various cats and other mammals to even insects and fish, and a whole lot more. The colors around her and the light in Bridget's eyes and all over her cloak… it truly was a sight to behold.
"It's wonderful," she replied simply. "Absolutely gorgeous. I've never seen anything like it."
They joined the parade like it was the most natural thing in the world. Following families and children greeted the two, as did many more immortals who began to appear. The children were laughing and dancing together with the other immortals, sporting their own flags.
"Lovely day for a parade, ladies," greeted a man in a multicolored tribal outfit framed with various flowers. "I'm certain I saw someone handing out Sapphic flags. Just watch for the usual, ahem… intruders."
"Thanks so much, Xochipilli," Bridget thanked the stranger. "I'm sure Emily would love that."
He smiled. "Never thought I'd see the day that the infamous Mother Nature would appear here. I'll tell the others; all of your Loa friends are bound to be nearby, and they'll love hearing about this."
Emily was confused by the names. "Who was he talking about?"
"My Voodoo-related associates," Bridget explained. "Many of them like both men and women, so they'll almost definitely be sporting pink-purple-and-blue flags like those over there. Though it takes a trained eye to know who’s who with the outfits they wear.
“Xochipilli is Aztec, and one of the few gods in that group with a decent amount of common sense. Back in his hayday, he was the god of games, the arts, and flowers, as well as the patron of people like a lot of the mortals here. Really nice guy, but I wish I could say the same about some of his friends.”
Emily chuckled. “I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Are there others like the ones you mentioned?”
The redhead nodded. “Lots of others, all over the world. They’re all probably having a blast at parades on their home turf just like this one. Oh look, there’s the flag Xochi was talking about!”
The flag in question was actually quite darling. It had two pastel pink stripes around one that was white, with a pretty little violet directly in the center. The person beside the girl handing such flags out was handing out flowers of all kinds.
Bridget went for the flower person, taking a violet before flying up to plant it above Emily’s ear, adding on a kiss on the cheek.
The swell of warmth in her chest from the gesture caused the violet to spread into a crown on her head.
The Grim Reaper giggled. “Now it looks even prettier. It suits you!”
Emily sighed at her reaction, but eventually couldn’t help a smile. At least until she noticed the white-robed and white-winged people hovering above a different crowd. They glared at the celebration as they stood guard over the yelling people holding some… rather rude signs.
Her beloved noticed her expression. “What’s wrong?” Bridget followed her gaze, lifting off the ground a little for a better view.
Angels. And a whole lot of their own downline.
“Oh, for the love of vultures…” she muttered under her breath as she pulled her scythe out of her shadow. “Ignore them, Em. They should know by now that they can’t do much of anything without getting people upset.”
“Is that… normal of them?” asked the dark-haired woman.
“Very,” the redhead replied with a sigh, leading Emily away from the protestors. “Their minions love to say that living the way we do isn’t natural and that it’s corrupting their children. All because they like to listen to the one who commands those angels. We just call them the usual intruders. I think I’ve already told you how troublesome they are to my fellow death spirits.”
“Ah, yes. Of course.” She noticed how the blade of Bridget’s scythe shined with iridescent colors. “Hm, even your weapon appears to have gotten into the spirit of the celebration.”
“There’s a reason for that, actually.” With a snap of her fingers, Bridget unveiled a slew of visiting wandering souls in the broad daylight. So many of them floated around in groups, like the other immortals in the parade had called them here. Many bore dark scars that only occurred among souls who sought their own destruction in life. “These are all of the people in just this area who lived the same way as all of these mortals, in worlds that didn’t allow them, or hearts that no longer wanted to beat.”
Emily gazed upon each spirit, seeing the joy and peace on each and every spectral face in the procession. “This is far more than the joy of the living... it’s also a comfort for the dead.”
Bridget could see the angels daringly lean towards the ghosts from above their followers, and firmly tapped her scythe against the ground. All of the ghosts turned their attention to the Reaper, and to those she glared at. The protesters faltered, as if perhaps they had seen her standing there. Either way, they knew better than to test an emissary of death with her albeit passive army, so she’d count that much as a win. So did the ghosts, who peacefully returned to their own mingling.
Fingers found their way into soft, owlish feathers. “Where did you learn that trick?”
Bridget’s smile returned with a chuckle. “The Valkyries have shown me how they command their soldiers a few times. Angels are a pretty popular overarching reason as to why the ghosts around here have perished. It's just a matter of setting off the alarm. They know better than to trust what killed them."
A couple of the children seemed more than a bit intimidated by the parade's protesters, regardless of their dropping momentum. "Come with me, Em. Forget the angels and their little friends. This is a time for celebration."
Mother Nature was quite willing to comply, her leaf-bearing winds gently guiding the children away from the scary people like large, caring hands. As they went on with the parade, the two eventually grew more cheerful again. More immortals dropped by to meet them, such as Nibo, one of the Loas Bridget mentioned earlier; Oua Oua, a higher-ranking Loa who led the children, also said hello. Several "Voodoo" figures made appearances, really, and all of them offered nothing but coos and congratulations.
It certainly made it a far more lively experience than Burning Man, where they usually wandered about largely unseen. But oddly enough, it wasn't quite unpleasant. Emily enjoyed meeting so many wonderful divine friends. Seeing Bridget's multicolored stripes grow brighter, and her hair shining in the sun like fire, against eyes so pale silver in the daylight they almost looked pure white, was a simply mesmerizing experience.
Near the end of the parade, Emily had discovered a work of art made entirely from flowers; an entire wall of words shaped with roses of every color. Red, orange, yellow, green, even blue and purple. She used her power to grow out a bouquet of separate lavender roses, with a little help from Xochipilli. After which she gently wove each flower into Bridget's lovely wings and hair, pale and beautiful against her bright red locks and dark gold feathers. Bridget was delighted at the gift; something she knew Emily would most certainly do.
"Now you look even prettier,” she said warmly, parroting the reaper's words. “It suits you.”
The look she got in response was so full of affection… Emily could feel it taking something else from her chest aside from her breath. Bridget floated to her eye level, cupping the taller spirit's face between her hands.
"I think you deserve a thank-you for it."
With that, she leaned in for a kiss.
Emily’s heart filled with a familiar, welcoming fire at the soft and warm touch of Bridget’s lips, yet entirely new and exciting. A wild and joyful tune, yet sung in the tone of a lullaby. Miniature earthquakes rattled through her body, and she felt like she was floating. Her hands started flexing and lifting up on instinct, until they dug into the soft down between the reaper’s shoulders, pulling her closer. The flower-decorated wings swung low, the ends of the joints resting on her sides.
A moment meant to last forever.
“Ah, young love. Truly a beautiful thing.”
“It’s like something straight out of those romantic fairy tales.”
The two voices startled the two from their reverie. Bridget sank to the ground with a face as red as her hair; given the fiery heat that went from her heart to her face, Emily probably wasn’t much better.
“Lundy! Limba! You ruined the moment!” scolded Èrzulie Dantòr, batting the two men away with dark-skinned hands. “Out, out, and away, boys, before you ruin their mood any more! Shoo!”
Bridget giggled at the sight of the Loas. “I take it you enjoyed that, Emily?”
Mother Nature cleared her throat, smiling down at her sheepishly. “I suppose I did. Though I… can’t say I expected to… Will there be other parades like this in the future?”
“Of course!” She took her hand as they prepared to return to the realm they shared. “It’s an entire month out of every year that celebrations just like this will occur. Why? Do you want to go to another one?”
Emily chuckled, mustering the courage to kiss the top of her head. “Perhaps…”
To see such colors like those still lingering on the Grim Reaper’s cloak… To feel such childlike glee she hadn’t experienced in millennia… Mother Nature could hardly wait for the next adventure outside of her fog.
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alltheselights ¡ 3 years ago
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Hey Em!
Just wondering how you’re going lately. Where I am in Australia is lockdown right now so I am so bored and missing my friends like crazy. Thank god for zoom.
Have you seen any tv shows or read any books you’d recommend?
How are you feeling about the Covid situation where you are right now? In our news it seems like America is headed for another spike which is scary. Hope you’re doing well! 💐
I'm sorry about your lockdowns! Where I am currently, the vaccination rates are very high and the virus numbers are low, but we've just reinstated a mask mandate for indoors as a precautionary measure because of how much its spreading across the country. I'm glad I live somewhere where people are more responsible, but we're all in this thing together, so I'm also happy that we're still being careful and I have no issues continuing to wear a mask. I was wearing them indoors despite being fully vaccinated even without the mandate, so it's not a huge deal to me.
I've actually been trying to read all of my bookmarked fics by the end of the year and I've also been trying to catch up on on my to-watch list, so I've been powering through a lot of things. I'm currently reading this fic, which I've been enjoying, and I also recently read this series. For TV shows, I've watched a lot lately, but I've particularly loved all of the Marvel shows on Disney+ and I also recently watched The Morning Show on Apple TV+ and loved that!
I hope you stay healthy and well during lockdown, bub! ❤️
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prettylikeadevil-swift ¡ 5 years ago
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Hey Taylor!
We wanted to put together a project to show you how much we love you and your songs! We’re all so so so excited for Lover and all the new songs, the memories made listening to the album, at tour and making and meeting heaps of new friends!!
So here’s a bunch of incredible people’s stan songs and why the love them so much! @taylorswift
Debut
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Harishita (ig, @tayalisonswift) - I love this song because the lyrics are so relatable with me sometimes; especially when I am sad
Heidi (@heidilovestay137) - Tim McGraw has been my Stan song ever since I was 8 years old! It has helped me through all my rough patches in life and has just always been the song I go to when I’m feeling sad or happy!! The song brings back so many precious memories and it will always hold a special place in my heart! So thank you so much Taylor, for writing the song that made my life complete💖
Marta (@mlswiftie) - I’ve never really had a favourite Taylor Swift song mainly due to the fact that every single one of them is a masterpiece. However I feel like I relate to Invisible the most… every time I hear this song it somehow makes me feel less lonely cause other people are going through the same thing as me.
Sarah (@sarah-adores-swift) - this song has helped me through basically everything bad in my life. no matter what is happening, its relevant. the emotion is completely raw and just gets out the tears so you can heal :)
Haley Grace (@stateofhaleygrace) - I relate to every single word of this song and it has helped me a lot throughout my life, especially as a teenager. It is very empowering and I love to sing it at the top of my lungs!
Fearless
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Rachel (@happy-for-swift) - Forever and always has always been by my side through those tough times by reminding me that the hard times will pass.
Alina (@itsaswiftstory) - Love Story means so much to me because it is such a happy song and it always makes me smile while listening to it! It was one of the first Taylor songs I was listening to and it just amazes me because it is so beautifully written! I don't even know why I love it so much but it always lifts up my mood!💗💗💗
Emilee (@emileelovestaylor) - Change is my Stan because it is just a strong message, and as someone with white skin (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) I want to work with the privilege I have to shine light on marginalized communities. This song pumps me up to do just that, and the melody is gorgeous.
Febe (@13taylorswift13ts) - Love Story was the first song that I heard of Taylor. That was the moment I knew that she was going to be a special person for me
Sammy (@sammylovestay13) - The song Fifteen has always been special to me because I’m always nervous on the first day of school and it’s reminder that I’m not the only one who feels this way. The song Out Of The Woods has always been a special song for me and the fact that Taylor chose New Zealand to do her music video makes me even more grateful that this song is in my life.
Jane (@janeheartstaylor) - I love forever and always because it’s not only was the first song by Taylor that I heard but it also helped me when one of my closest friends and I parted ways. even though the scenarios are different, it felt really nice knowing that I could turn to Taylor and this song and having someone who understood what was going on.
Sarah (@theirgetawaycar) - Change means the absolute world to me. It’s a song that’s been there comforting me in my times of need. When things get tough, it’s a source of hope and reminder things will get better. No matter what happens in life and what struggles I face these things will change.
Speak Now
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Bella (ig, @tayobsession13) - This song means a lot to me because it describes my relationship with my best friend. I have the time of my life fighting dragons with her
Clara (@claraisreadyforit) - I love this song because i can really relate with the lyrics, they make me feel better when i’m down, and i always sing along!
Sarah (@theswiftiesarah) - The story of us means the absolute world to em. It’s such a fun, uplifting song with such emotional lyrics. I can’t thank you enough for writing it T, it’s helped me through so much and always puts a smile on my face 💞
Kat (@tookapxlaroidofus) - Haunted is such a powerful song, and it’s one of those that you can sing your heart out to and it will get you out of any bad mood you were in! The violins! The bells! The whole production of the song, and the tour version! It’s also a song I listened to a lot with my mum when I was younger because we loved to sing it together! It’s a beautiful and powerful song that I’ll forever love!
RED
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Mika (@handstiedtaylor) - all too well means so much to me because of how powerful the lyrics are. it really showcases taylor's talent as a songwriter and her voice sounds so so beautiful in it. i was lucky enough to hear it on the red tour & again as a surprise song on the reputation stadium tour, so this song also had some incredible memories attached to it💗
Nina (@ninaheartstaylor) - I love that song because it always cheers me up when I'm sad or in a bad mood! I relate to the lyrics a lot because I basically did exactly the things you (Taylor) are singing about. It means A LOT to me because I love the line "like we're made of starlight"! when I'm in a bad mood I just think of that lyric and I'm happy again because it reminds me of how everyone matters and is important.
Abby (@cleanspeech) - i love this song so much. it is a deep song about how fame can really be and it is important to taylor. i love this song because as soon as i heard it, i kept it on repeat for hours when red came out. this song is so glamorous and beautiful and the beat and lyrics are amazing. i love this song so much!
Jasmine (@alltootwell) - All too well means so much to me because the story and emotions behind it are so raw and real. It was one of the first songs I heard from the Red album and it has always been one of my favourite songs since then. This song has showed Taylor’s growth the most in that we’ve seen Taylor’s most vulnerable moments when singing the song and Taylor’s happiest moments when singing the song and realising that millions of people know all the words to the song 💓
Chloe (@thechainonyourneck) - sad beautiful tragic means the world to me because of the depth of the lyrics and melody. this song has gotten me through so much shit and it's just so so beautiful I stg. headphones in and rain outside, it's just perfect. and onto dbm. I listened to reputation and fell in love with this song. the vocals and the prospect of seeing it live just made me fall in love. and when I finally did see it live it literally took me to church in a crying emotional state 💀 will be forever grateful to you @taylorswift for writing these two masterpieces and for not losing the ability to hit home with your lyrics over time. I love you and much you love writing, forever and always 💓💖💕💞💗
1989
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Lola (me!! @lolaheartstay) - hey Taylor!! i love ootw so much because it’s such a banger and it never ever gets old,, it was also rep tour auckland’s surprise song which was so special, it was the best day of my life! I remember when Taylor was in New Zealand filming the music video and I was so excited that she was actually in my country, like for real. when I went to australia in 2015 i listened to out of the woods on the plane, it was the first time i’d heard it and i literally listened to it on repeat for the full four hour flight, i was obsessed! one of my favourite lyrics is ‘two paper aeroplanes flying’ and i’ve always planned to get a tattoo of a paper aeroplane for this song! i really hope one day we can hug and i can tell you in real life how much i love out of the woods and you! love love love, lola!! <3
Brittany (ig, @awesomeswifties13) - This song means so much to me because at the time it came out I was in a very bad/abusive relationship and was dealing with an addict. This song gave me the strength to get CLEAN and leave the relationship. I’m now 3 years sober!mI hope can hug taylor someday and just say thank you!
Joji (@youfeltenough) - Clean means so much to me because it really helped me let go of things that kept me from being happy, thank you Taylor 💓
Priscila (@newromanticsss89) - The reason why I love New Romantics is because I can dance to it like no one is watching. It really makes me feel good about myself. My favourite lyric is “the best people in life are free” and I 100% agree with that! 🌼💗
Georgia (@celebrationofswifties) - new romantics is such a beautiful song & it makes me so so happy, it is the BEST song to dance like crazy to!!
Lauren (@thenameofbeinghonest13) - Out of the woods is a song that I’ve been obsessed with since Oct. 27, 2014, when 1989 came out. This song was so meaningful to me because I would listen to it every day in the car on the way to school with my Dad. I love the lyric, “the rest of the world was black and white, but we were in screaming color” and am so happy that Taylor wrote this song!
Gabriella (@ycuareinlove) - you are in love was instantly one of my favourites from 1989 but after seeing it live I became obsessed. I think getting to sing it with Taylor felt so special and every time I hear it I just think of us doing the echo part with her. I’ve always been a daydreamer and thinking about love and having that for myself one day has always comforted me, and the song just explains everything I ever want in future relationships. it’s the dreamiest, most beautiful song and I can’t explain how magical it is to me. it just feels like home every time I listen to it. 💗
Liv (@longlivthemagic) - This song has a special place in my heart, because i used to always play it whenever i was having a panic attack to calm me down <3
Jaimie (@taylorswiftlet13-hk) - I love the song New Romatics because it reflects ME! As a person. The song is extremely catchy and the lyricism is amazing. Throughout my life, I have been bullied and in the end, I built a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me, and became a stronger person overall. Thank you so much for everything you do Taylor. I love you so much.
Sanya (@delicateswift1989) - Blank Space was the first song that I heard and I loved it immediately.It always cheers me up and will always be a special song for me
Bella (@bellaheartstay) - clean means so much to me, as it’s helped me through the toughest times and has inspired me to keep going :)
Reputation
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Lydia (@yourmarkonswift) - I love Dress so so so so much because the kind of the detail of storytelling in the song is just so heart touching. The bridge is one of the best bridges Taylor has ever written and makes me emotional all the time.
Alexander (@alexanderadorestay) - King of my heart is my favourite Taylor song because I have made many memories while listening to the song plus the chorus 😍
Ginger (@gingeryswift) - I love New Year’s Day because the reputation album came out right when I was going through a fallout with an old friends and NYD hit me hard. The lyrics were everything I needed and more and overall, the line “please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere” resonated with me so much because it was exactly how I felt at the time. 💗💗
Kendall (@kendallovestay) - I love getaway car because it has such incredibly written lyrics and it just makes me feel so nostalgic and happy 💓
Naomi (@naomilovestay) - At my reputation concert, metlife n1, i was in the front row of the b-stage where you sang dress. In that moment, i felt like it was just you & me in the room. I will forever be thankful for that experience. I love you so so much & i hope we can hug soon!! xoxo naomi!!
Hunter (@tayloroftodayy) - my stan song is getaway car because it has such an interesting and powerful storyline and always cheers me up and puts me in the best mood. you can listen to it when you’re feeling any emotion and it’s the best thing EVER 💗
Hayley (@delicate-stan13) - Delicate is my stan song because it helps me get through all my rough days. And it’s really fun to sing and dance to!!
Olivia (ig, @olivialovestaylor7) - hi I’m olivia and gorgeous is my favorite song of taylor’s because it is such a beautiful and happy song!! it captures the way you feel when you start liking someone perfectly and it’s just SO soft🥺🥺along with that it’s just a fun bop that you can literally listen to whenever! thank you so much taylor for writing gorgeous💕 
Emily Grace (@longlivetaysxift89) - I love CIWYW because I can personally relate to the lyric “I’m doing better than I ever was” because I’ve had to deal with a lot of mental health problems and right now I’m truly doing better than I ever was
Ella (@taylorsoldbluejeans) - i love delicate because it is such a beautiful song that can cheer me up no matter what! 🌈💓
Bessie (@flyawayswift) - Hey my name’s Bessie and New Year’s Day is my favourite song because it NEVER fails to make me cry, and it’s the most beautiful and delicate song in the world!! I’m so grateful to Taylor for writing such a masterpiece
Alexa (@kingsofmyyheartt) - I love king of my heart because it’s a pretty, happy, calm song that has a beautiful bridge and has such pretty lyrics! No matter what it’s sure to put a smile on my face!
Mia (@thisloveisdelicate) - I love the song delicate because is shows how your friends have to like you for who you are and that they aren’t gonna change you!!
Tayla (ig, @islandbreezeswift) - this is why we can't have nice things is my favourite song by Taylor because it helped me in a rough time when one of my friends kept stabbing me in the back while shaking my hand. the lyrics to tiwwchnt were extremely relatable, it felt like it was written for me. even though i'm no longer going through problems like this, this song is a bop and makes me dance!! thank you Tay for this song, ily from Tayla xoxo
Kartik (ig, @indianswifty) - On New Year’s Day I proposed to my girlfriend and this is our favourite rep song
Lena (@the-swiftie-scientist) - Call it What You Want reminds me how much Taylor had to struggle to find someone who stood by her no matter what 💫 it shows how important it is when you find someone who loves you for the things you are and doesn't care about rumors and gossip, someone who will stand by your side even when 'they took the crown' ... Also, it has a personal significance for me as it reminds me of how someone I love literally runaway with me on late November flying above the whole scene 💗 It's definitely Taylor's softest and most precious song, I will love it forever 💕
Sveva (@newtaylor89) - I was going through some bad times at school when i first heard this song. I was starting to have anxiety attacks, I started to avoid my friends hangs out and started pushing everyone away. Luckily my real friends stayed with me and helped me through that dark period of my life and so did this song. Now every time i listen to it i remember that my friends and Taylor will stay with me "when it's hard or it's wrong or I'm making mistakes". THANK U TAYLOR, FOR WRITING THIS EMOTIONAL SONGS, I'LL NEVER THANK U ENOUGH FOR WHAT U HAVE DONE TO ME! ILY
Mikayla (@weweredxncing) - The reason why i love this song so much is because whenever I listen to it, I just feel happy. It gives me hope that in the future I might find as love like that.
Lover
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Laura (ig, @frenchbabytay) - I love ME! Because Taylor talked in my language with Brendon, she’s feeling better after her bad moments and the music video is like Shake It Off!!! It’s so funny and she makes me dance!!!!
Anne (@annewantstomeettaylor) - Me - ee - ee, ooh - ooh - , ohh - ooh - ooh ! This song really means to me because every time my anxiety and depression attacks me this song gives me light and joy. And every time I feel conscious about myself this song makes me realize that I'm the one of me ! I can't explain the happiness I feel every time I hear this song. ILY T !  ♡♡♡
Olivia (@so-ready-for-it) - I love the song ME! So much because it’s all about embracing your individuality, and I’ve struggled with my low self esteem for such a long time, and the positive message of the song reminds me that I’m unique and perfect in my own way 💓
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szopenhauer ¡ 4 years ago
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Give me a random word in another language. Tell me what it means. ulica - street or czekolada - chocolate *I bet you read/spell those wrong :P
How long does it roughly take you to do grocery shopping? depends, I’m pretty fast, especially if I buy local but sometimes there’s no product I need in the store so I go to another 
Which city would you like to visit- Rome, London or Paris? London, then Paris, then Rome
Would you rather visit Australia or Germany? Germany, I have no interest in Australia at this point
Would you prefer a pet rat, mouse, snake, lizard or spider? rat or mouse, definitely not a spider because of M.
Can you play the violin? If not, would you like to? no and no
Can you keep a pokerface and not show your emotions easily? often
Are you a good liar (tell the truth this time)? can be but I don’t like to lie
Are you wearing shoes, just socks or nothing on your feet? ugg slippers and fuzzy socks
Do you prefer to write etc, etcetera or something else? etc itp itd and such
Do you think rainbows are pretty or overrated? overrated
Are you more skeptical or gullible? skeptical
How often do you drink sodas or fizzy drinks? never
Do you currently live in the same country you were born in? sure
Do you struggle to articulate your thoughts and feelings? sometimes
Do you like carrot cake? gross
Don’t you hate it when people say ‘I don’t mean to be rude but…’? omg
How good is your memory? ha ha ha 
Is there anyone you love, whose name starts with M? XD
Have your neighbors ever complained that your music/TV was too loud? weird but they actually didn’t!
How many zeroes occur in your mobile phone number? none
Are you currently wearing anything green? am not
Name an animal that starts with the 2nd letter of your middle name. -
Have you ever had feelings for someone whose name started with S? yup
How many red lipsticks do you own? old one, past expiration date 
What are you doing to improve or maintain your health currently? my best lmfao which is not enough, if only I had money...
Do you ever look at someone’s social media posts and feel a little jealous? who doesn’t?
Do you like how your hair looks today? I washed them last night but didn’t look at myself in the mirror in the morning just yet
What health problem are you struggling with currently? list is too long
Do you take life day by day? I’m on survival mode
Do you have a lot of questions? would say so
List 10 fashion trends you like/dislike. current? I’m not aware... let me check  according to Vogue there are puffy sleeves that I’m not into but they’re not gross, gold - fine if not too much I suppose, cardigans - I prefer not open tops but sometimes they’re useful indeed, check pattern (no surprises here - checkered stuff for summer? groundbreaking) - same opinion as with puffy sleeves, maybe it’s the fact of popularity and fall stereotypes that pushes me away from the thing but... nvm, lets move on! fringe - bags with it are noice but I prefer to not use smth that might cause an accident... matrix coats? why not?! Nat’s Spike mode - count me in? gonna feel like a leather couch again, red color causes my anxiety and anger issues but in small doses is like gold I mentioned above, suits are Vinnie’s but I don’t mind ‘em for specific occassions, inflate bottoms aren’t casual so not no chance of using that in everyday life, masculine fashion? POSITIVELY TRIGGERED - love me some bad boy vibes - excited AF, back to black - classy, what else is there to say? ;)
Are you ready for Jesus to come back? please
Do you believe that Jesus lived and is returning? hopefully?
Do you have too much clutter in your home? we are hoarders/maximalists 
If you were rich, would you get a professional photoshoot done? *shrug*
Have you ever taken a photo every day for a year? no patience for shit like that, sorry
Do you have way too many photos stored on your computer? oh well...
Do you take a lot of selfies? probably 
Do you ever multi-task? usually
Are you multi-tasking right now? not really atm
Are you “with” the very last person you kissed? we’re engaged 
Have you ever broken up with someone for someone else? poniekąd na koloniach  był taki chłopczyk, którego nikt nie lubił, najmłodszy, no i mi go było żal, że Aneta (w jego wieku, moja koleżanka) nie chce z nim tańczyć to się nad nim zlitowałam i od razu mnie polubił, przyniósł mi kwiatki jakieś wodne i potem po prostu przestałam się nim zajmować bo nasza opiekunka szukała dziewczyn dla takiego grubszego chłopaka nieśmiałego i dzięki temu miał grono fanek, ale wybrał akurat mnie i to mi pochlebiało, dał mi swoją czapkę z daszkiem na trochę (potem wyjechał szybciej niż inni więc mu oddałam i w sumie trochę szkoda było iż nie miałam z nim kontaktu bo się wstydziłam poprosić - mówili na niego LODÓWA), w końcu zdeterminowana wziąć kolonijny ślub uczepiłam się wręcz Łukasza (kolegi tamtego - Piotra czy Pawła) i nawet miałam pierścionek zrobiony specjalnie dla nas przez kowala oraz dyplom, wykonywaliśmy zadania i wyniósł mnie na rękach (ledwo) i suknię ślubną skleciłam hahaha, a tak na serio robiłam to tylko żeby się pochwalić, że ktoś mnie chciał, nie ważne kto, a tamten pierwszy malec mnie za to kopnął w dupę (serio) i musiałam się z nim godzić przy wychowawcy, ale mnie unikał jak ognia obrażony potem, wszyscy byli ode mnie kilka lat młodsi ^^”  taka byłam, albo to była Anya/Amy, nie wiem, chciałam się dopasować, moje BPD ze mnie wyłaziło ehh  jeśli to się nie liczy to były potem też przecież momenty kiedy przerzucałam się z jednej dziewczyny na drugą zainteresowaniem bardzo szybko, czasami wracałam do poprzedniej byleby dostać odrobinę uwagi, czuć sie potrzebna, nie być taka samotna czy coś - ale nie liczyłam na nic poważnego, żyłam tu i teraz, żeby nie odstawać, bo przyszłości przecież i tak miałam nie mieć, więc dowartościowanie się jedynie wchodziło w grę lub poczucie przynależności, bycie opcją, wręcz masochistycznie nawet jak wiadomo, swego rodzaju bezpieczeństwo - flirt/zabawa
How many windows are open on your computer? shitload
Have you ever laughed at something that wasn’t meant to be funny? whoops
Have you done anything sneaky lately? maybe 
Does someone have feelings for you? it seems 
Are you hard to please? am I? I’m picky about some things but usually it’s not my fault like food, sigh...
Relationship to the last person you called? my doctor
What color shirt are you wearing? grey
Is there anything you wish you did today? Why haven’t you done it? I plan, I’ll try
What were you doing before you started this survey? bunch of things
Can you honestly say that you love yourself? umm...
Do you think you spend too much time feeling upset? sadly
Do you own a pair of uggs? have ‘em on! as I already said above
Has the person you have feelings for ever told you that you’re attractive? I don’t believe her
Do you hide your feelings or show them? depends, usually show tho
Do you like to have long hair or short hair? short 
Do you think relationships are hard? everything is but point is if it’s worthy
Any friends who are constantly venting about their significant other? luckily no longer have any friends like that, no friends at all actually
Have you ever been ice-skating? just once and don’t wanna
Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? often
Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? I haven’t
Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? nope
Do you obsessively apply lip-gloss or lip balm? eww, hell no
Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? yeah, gross
When you can tell that someone’s lying, do you call them out on it? sometimes, I might
Do you like Musicals? nooo
Do you live with anyone that you try to avoid at all costs? no comment
When was the last time you cried? that night from happiness :3
What kind of bottoms are you wearing? my SW pajama pants but gonna change now
What do you hear right now? my mom talking <rolling my eyes>
In the past week have you got your hair cut? nope
In the past week have you felt sad? obvi
Has someone disappointed you recently? yep
If you could pack up and move, would you? asap
What is something in your life that you feel hopeful about right now? I’m scared to...
What was the last thing you worried about that turned out better than expected? my gf proposing to me for example?
What is a meal you eat extremely often? Or do your meals & food choices vary a lot? bread, I wish I had variety :(
When was the last time you felt unable or unwilling to speak your mind to someone? with my mother it’s frequent 
What was the last thing you changed your mind about? it’s a rollerclaster XD
Who do you feel you can count on the most in life? Is there anyone you wish you could count on more? dad and M. - I wish I could count on my other parent and sister...
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niall-is-my-dream ¡ 5 years ago
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We Know Where We Belong
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So I had a dream about Mr Styles and I woke up gutted that it had ended. The beginning scene is what I dreamt, and then I expanded it a little. Let me know what you think. Haven't written any Harry stuff for nearly a year!I
Em 😘
1300 words
You'd spotted your Mum in the crowd at the side of the stage, in the pit, her beaming smile as she danced along to your songs. Beside her was her best friend Angie who you'd known for as long as you could remember. They were each other's rocks, always together.
What you didn't expect to see was James, Mike and Nat behind them, old school friends who you caught up with when you went home for a visit. None of them treated you any different from when you were at school, it was one of the reasons why it was always a relief to be home and back to normality when things had been busy.
With the crowd screaming and the band still finishing off the song you jumped down from the stage, your blue velvet Gucci suit adorning your body. The jacket open due to the heat from the lighting making you warm, a black vest clinging to your body underneath. 
The pit was full of friends and family of the band, you said hi to a few as you made your way through them to reach your Mum and Angie. Fans were screaming even more now you were down here, closer to them than ever. But the barrier kept them from storming over to you and your family and friends.
You laughed loudly when you got closer and saw your Mum and Angie wearing their Treat People With Kindness t-shirts you'd got them and laughed even more when you saw James, Mike and Nat wearing theirs to.
You embraced them all, giving them all a kiss and whispering how much you loved their t-shirts. That's when you spotted her, Angie's daughter Alex, as you were walking backwards towards the stage, you didn't know why you hadn't spotted her at first. You definitely hadn't seen her with them when you'd seen them in the crowd ten minutes ago. Where had she been?
You did a double take when your eyes met, your smile growing wider. She looked as beautiful as ever and you felt your cock twitch. Even now, she still had this effect on you, she'd been causing you all sorts of embarrassing erection problems since puberty.
An afternoon BBQ with her family at the Twist house had resulted in you disappearing off the the loo to have a shameful 13 year old boy wank after you'd seen her in a bikini for the first time. Your families had vacationed together before, but now she'd got breasts and hips that her red bikini hugged perfectly.
Another evening at her family home when you were 14 had resulted in stealing some of your Mums wine and drinking it in the old tree house that was still at the end of her garden. With alcohol for courage you'd kissed her and she'd rubbed you over your jeans until you came in your boxers.
Experimenting became your thing from then on, that was until at 15 years old Jacob Stubbs had taken her to the year ten disco and kissed her. Nothing more happened between you both, you went off to x factor a year later and she went off to college.
You'd remained friends throughout the years though, meeting up at Christmas with your families and hanging out with your old gang of friends from school. Neither of you mentioned your dry humping sessions.
That was until six months ago.
After Alex moved to Australia for work, you'd called her when you'd been touring there and you'd met up for dinner and drinks. Ending up at her apartment hadn't been something that either of you planned, but your boyhood dream of finally being about to see her fully naked had come true that night.
Wine again had fuelled the courage to kiss her, and you'd both definitely improved. You wished Jacob Stubbs had never been born, then you wouldn't have had to wait 8 years to kiss her again.
Your bodies moved in sync with each other that night, and you pushed each other to mind blowing orgasms, all the built up tension of the last few years finally being released. 
With the tour still going strong at that point and with Alex still being in Australia, neither had made any commitment to each other. It wouldn't be possible to maintain anything being based in permanently different time zones and an almost 24 hour flight away from each other.
As you walked towards her, the screams of the crowd continued. You took hold of her hand and gave it a squeeze, not losing eye contact as you walked backwards away from her. The flutters that you always get when you see her were still present.
You had a few more songs to sing before the show would end and you couldn't wait to see Alex after. Neither of you had told anyone about your childhood experiences or your encounter in Australia. It was something that was just between you both.
When you finally met everyone in the main dressing room at the back of the stadium, you had to hold back from grabbing her and holding her close first. Instead you hugged your Mum and Angie followed by your friends. When you finally got to Alex you thought you were going to combust.
Skinny jeans covering that perfect curvy body of hers, your merchandise covering her chest, she looked amazing. It wouldn't be seen an unusual to hold her a little longer than the others considering she had been away in Australia so long. But you pulled away eventually not wanting to cause too much of a scene.
"What are you doing here?!" You asked her. 
"Well I didn't fly for 23 hours to just see your show! I'm back for two weeks to organise a place for when I come back permanently in 6 weeks time." She replied, and you could see her waiting to see your reaction.
"Are you relocating to the Manchester office or the London one?" You asked her trying to seem casual in front of everyone around you.
Please say London.
Please say London. 
"London. They need a Senior Account Manager for a major new contract so they asked if I would be interested in relocating back."
You couldn't contain your smile, even though you had pinched your lips together to try and hold it back a little.
"Will be nice to live in the same city for the first time in 8 years." You replied.
"You'll help Alex settle back into the UK won't you Harry?" Your Mum asked, a smirk on her face. "You've only got one more show left and then you've got a few months off haven't you?"
It had been openly discussed amongst your families when you were younger that it would lovely if you got married and lived happily ever after. At aged ten you were both grossed out by it. But standing with her in front of you now, it seemed unbelievably romantic.
It was two more days before you finally got to be alone with her. You had offered her your spare room for a few nights while she checked out some flats and visited her new office.
And it was precisely 1 hour of sitting in your kitchen drinking coffee and chatting before you brought up the last time you'd seen each other.
And then 10 minutes after that conversation started that you kissed her.
And mere minutes after that when you told her you loved her. Softly whispering the words against her lips, one hand on her lower back the other stroking the nape of her neck.
She whispered back that she loved you too, a big smile against your lips.
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twilightofthe ¡ 5 years ago
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I found a totally legal way to watch The Mandalorian!!!  Gonna do one of my first live-blogs of it, here’s Chapter One! (tag is “liveblogging the mando show” if y’all wanna block it)
Ooooo I really like the helmet flashing new logo (tho still curse you Disney)
OOOOOH THERE’S BEEPING THERE HE IS HE’S HOLDING A BEEPER I CAN’T HANDLE THIS
Ew gross don’t molest the guy you’re beating up my dudes
EW GROSS LEAVE HIM ALONE
Yayyyy Mando Man’s here!  He gonna help this dude or?
Wait how’s he supposed to drink through his fancy mask
I love how they’re going back to Huttese omg the nostalgia
YUS BOI GET EM GET EM GOOD
Aaaaaand back to business as usual typical bars
This guy’s gonna get captured too lol I know it
Ahaha I knew it
Welp at least Mando Man’s gonna be probs a bit nicer about it
OOOOOHHHHHHHH I FREAKIN LOVE THE TITLE MUSIC
Wait did we even know what planet this was?
So he doesn’t like droids or they’re easily tracked or????
Can’t be the opening of a Star WArs movie without a trashy old Uber driver of some sorts
Also cannot be proper Star Wars without someone calling another person’s ship garbage ahah I love this
Oh dinosaur monster walrus worm cool
Ya know this guy is surprisingly nonchalant about being taken in for a bounty
Shock staff or bug zapper?  A two in one deal!!!
Oh NOW you like his ship
Pfft I know like exactly zilch about ships, I’m not one of those SW nerds, can someone tell me if Razor Crests or anything are supposed to be important or not?
Vac Tube?  Huh, I thought “fresher” was the word for “space potty”.  Guess there’s more than one lol
Ooooo weapons
C’mon this guy really thinks he’s getting out?  Pfff
Oh so Life Day is canonically a galactic holiday then, not just another word for “birthday”.  I mean I kinda knew cuz they use “birthday” for Ezra in Rebels but this confirms Life Day too
Ooooo new planet!  I wish they told us the names like Rogue One did
Aaaaaand yet another bar
OMG RECOGNIZABLE LUCAS ALIENS THANK YOU FAVREAU I’M GONNA CRY THANK YOU
*Pokemon theme* Catch em’ alll
heck yea boi stick it to the Empire
Omg I’m hopeless Pedro Pascal has such a nice voic aaaaaaaa.
“I’ll take them all” Cocky bastard
his VOICEEEEEEE AAAAAA.  
I’m already intrigued, but I really want to see more of his character behind just “cool armor fighter mask man mystery”.
Ik ik I’m being impatient this is only the first ep but still
Also his cloak game is On Point and I love it
HEY IT’S SOME OF THOSE TRASH CAN DROIDS I LOVE THOSE
*Obi Wan voice* Hello there stormtroopers xD
Hmm so who’s the doctor?
That metal old dude’s wearing, it’s not Rebel Alliance, is it Empire?  It makes sense if he’s hanging out with Stormtroopers
Wait shoot Old Dude could be another Mando, if he’s got beskar and all
BAHAHA ROASTED MONKEY LIZARD AND THEY’RE TRAUMATIZING THE LIVE ONE XD ANAKIN WOULD BE PLEASED HE HATES THOSE THINGS.  SO WOULD POE HAHA
I’m adoring the Western-style soundtrack
Oooo more Mandos
And color me wrong but that curvy fleur-de-lis thingy on the wall is the Mandalore symbol right?  I forget, don’t kill me
Head of his guild here I guess?
What is the Purge?  Ooo so he doesn’t have legit beskar armor cuz it’s rare, so he’s trying to build a 
new suit?
I like the design of the armorer’s mask
What’s a Foundling???
Ohhh his traumatic backstory I guess?
Bahaha I just thought he’s got the same tragic backstory as Kung Fu Panda pffffttttt
I Love The MUSIC
Another planet, this one sandy.  Tatooine?  The rocks look right and I know the show was going there 
Aight this looks right Imma say this is Tatooine for now, the planet likes to pop up in people’s scanners Tusken-style and attack you like Space Australia does
I recognize this alien guy’s (Ugnaught? Gah I can never keep species names straight ik I’m horrible) voice from somewhere
Vaporizers, another point towards Tatooine
Oooo sassy “idk if I want your help”
Omg bluurgs, those were on Rebels!!!
Bahaha animal taming time!  I’m glad they’re keeping some Star Wars Humor in here, it wouldn’t feel quite right if it was too serious
*How To Train Your Dragon theme plays*
The CGI my dudes!!!!!!!
At least Mando Man is polite
“I have spoken” That’s gonna be my new answer for whenever I don’t know anything and someone calls me on my BS
Weequays!!!!!!!
Oop now they dead
Guess someone’s got competition
He just doesn’t like droids then :(
Wait what can a droid do with credits?
I guess every SW protag needs a trusy droid sidekick lol
Bahaha “do not self destruct” me @ me
I love him he’s got that “done with everything” attitude
Wheeeeeeee spinny gun!!!!!!
Yay they’re friendly!
Aw he’s nice for a bounty hunter!
Omg old-timey door sparky explosions THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
Another trash can lol
Omg they put the freaking Baby Yoda in the trash can pfffttt it’s a literal trash baby gremlin
Awwww he likes children!!!
Ok good he protected the baby over the droid
THAT LITTLE FINGER
AND FILONI DIRECTED IT OF COURSE HE DID
AAAAAAAAAA
STILL REALLY LOVING THE WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC
I can’t watch the next one quite yet cuz busy, but omg omg omg omg I really liked this!  I know Filoni and Favreau know probably the most about canon Mandalore between the two of them (Favreau played Pre Viszla on TCW) so I totally trust them to do this well.  I’m liking Mando Man! (I shall call him Mando Man until they give him a real name and No One Can Stop Me)  I haven’t learned much about him yet, but so far I see that he’s a dedicated hunter and kinda a crankypants, but he cares about children!  He has a moral compass!  I’ll stan for now!!!!
I’m really really happy they brought the old Star Wars aliens back into this, I haven’t seen any live-action ones for so so long now ;_;  
I’m interested about the Great Purge, but I’ll go more into that on a separate post lol
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artificialqueens ¡ 6 years ago
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Elastic Heart: Epilogue (Branjie) - Mia Ugly
A/N: I have no words but thank you. 
They go to New York for the finale. 
Brock loves this city. It’s full of shiny, awful memories that makes him feel young and stupid again.  He likes it even better with Jose at his side, swaggering along in his neck scarf looking kissable as hell.
If they had more time, Brock would take Jose to his old neighbourhood, see if that amazing vintage store was still open down the street from his apartment. Show him the dance studio where he spent his youth instead of going out to clubs and hooking up and sleeping in.
Next time, Brock tells himself, and the thought makes something warm pulse beneath his ribs.
“Girl, stop it.”
“Stop what?” They’re on the train to the club, both of them weighted down with suitcases and duffle bags.
“Looking at me like - don’t front, you know what your face is doing!”
“No. Show me.”
“Nah! So you can laugh at me? No ma’am.”
They have only spent one night apart for the past week.  Jose has followed Brock to gigs, to clubs, to hotel rooms. He hasn’t met the cats yet, but he will.  Someday (and that word is so heartbreakingly sweet that it almost makes Brock slide onto the floor of the subway.  Which he doesn’t because that would be revolting but - almost.)
He knows it won’t last, of course.  This time together, this closeness. After the finale there are shows that Jose can’t get out of, but then they’ll be at Drag Con together, and then they’ll be touring.  Brock can see the future, or the next few months anyway, and he sees Jose standing beside him.  He sees Vanessa with gold glitter all the way from her throat to her naval, because she’s got no judges to placate anymore. He sees them having drinks in bars in France, Australia, Canada (Brock’s going to get her poutine and she’s going to lose her damn mind.)
After that - they’ll figure it out.  It’s too hard to think about how they’ll make this work once they’re both on the road, doing their own thing in different parts of the world, only connected by lines on a map.  Brock’s never done the long-distance relationship thing before.  
He’s never done the relationship thing before, period.
“You good, boo?” Jose’s looking at him, warmth and worry in his eyes.
Brock pushes his insecurities somewhere else. Enjoy this while it lasts (he tell himself that he doesn’t hear a clock ticking softly in the background, counting down the time until it all falls the fuck apart -)
“So good.” (Don’t go there, not now.)
They kiss then, because it’s New York fucking City, and Brock isn’t willing to hide this feeling in the shadows.  Even if he wanted to, he doesn’t think it would work; when he looks at Jose, he shines too brightly. “Nervous about tonight?”
“Ha, no way. I ain’t goin’ in with no expectations whatsoever. It’s just another night.”
“Whatever you say.” Brock is less anxious about the winner, more anxious about watching the episode, looking at his shell-shocked face in the audience.  Everything was so fresh and impossible then, he felt like he was just going through the motions of a living human being. Step. Step. Breathe. Blink. 
From the nervous way Jose’s chewing on his lip, Brock knows that he’s thinking about it too.
There wasn’t even a definite Top Two after the finale. Ru did a weird lip-sync round robin and filmed four crowning ceremonies, so no one is clear on who the winner is going to be. Brock doesn’t know how he feels about seeing Yvie and Silky and everyone tonight - he’s maybe the most anxious about A’Keria because of that disgustingly vulnerable conversation they had after the reunion - but he’d rather be with Jose than anywhere else in the world. So what if his friends are a bit - extroverted for Brock at times? It’s worth it just to hold his hand.  
Brock rolls his eyes at himself; who knew he would be so soft and pathetic in love? (It was obvious to anyone that halfway knew him, clear to everyone but himself.)
When they get to Lips, Brock sits in the dressing room and watches Jose turn into Vanessa. It’s a process he’s seen hundreds of times before, but it’s - kind of sexy? When it’s Jose? (God, he is never going to tell anyone that, he’s going to take this feeling to the grave.)  The focus Jose has when he’s painting, staring in the mirror as intently as any other artist, it makes Brock feel a bit light-headed.  He watches in silence as Jose blocks out his eyebrows, paints them on, blends his contour, lines his lips. 
“Girl, stop it,” Jose says, concentration breaking. “You keep looking at me like that, I’m gonna have to lock this door.”
Heat rushes to Brock’s face, his chest, his stomach. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Jose smiles wide into the mirror, and Brock’s hands clench into fists because how does anyone feel this happy without their heart giving out?
That’s about when Silky kicks the door in (“Y’all order some strippers?!”), A’Keria following close behind. It’s too loud to say a word for the next half-hour or so over the shrieking and laughter of the three of them, so Brock moves to the other side of the room, watches from the sidelines. No one acts surprised to see him, no one pays him any attention whatsoever (aside from one flat and assessing stare from Silky that lasts a little too long). Brock checks his phone, responds to some messages, shoots hot quiet looks over at Jose every time the other man glances at him. 
Yvie shows up late, halfway made up.  She’s quiet as she slinks into the room and winces a bit when she sees Silky but is polite enough.  She unpacks her kit next to Brock, slightly apart from the gorgeous chaos of the Dream Girls.
Brock finds himself feeling genuinely happy to see her, the weirdest thing that’s happened to him today.
“How’ve you been?” he asks, and Yvie rolls her eyes at him.
“You really care, or you just want a lead in so you can tell me what you’re doing here?” Yvie glances over her shoulder at the sound of Vanjie’s laughter. “Like it isn’t obvious.”
“You’re obvious,” Brock retorts, feeling altogether too content to make much sense.
“Oh my god,” Yvie groans, “I thought it was bad before.  But you’re going to be unbearable now, aren’t you? Like full-on puppies on a honeymoon bullshit. I might be sick.”
“Don’t be jealous, girl. Love is a beautiful thing.” Brock goes in for a fake hug and Yvie smacks his hands away. “A beautiful, natural -”
“Gross, get off.  I’m not Vanjie.”
“Someone say my name?” Jose has disappeared, and Vanessa has taken his place (dressed in gold sequins, red glossed lips and huge feathery lashes.) “Brooke, you watch those hands, baby.”
“Yes, papi,” Brock gives her a wink while beside him Yvie mimes throwing up.
The smile Vanjie gives him in return is slow to spread, and sexy as hell.  That girl puts her whole heart into her smile, and it makes Brock ache.  It makes Brock forget that there’s anyone else in the world, or the city, or the dressing room.
“What you gonna do while we watch the show, Miss Brooke Lynn?” Silky notices the direction of Vanjie’s stare. “We already gonna have four bitches in the green room. That’s too many bitches!”
The four finalists are hosting a Q&A after the winner is revealed but they’ll be watching the show backstage, with a single camera to capture the winner’s reaction. 
“Nah, she coming in with us,” Vanjie says, “Can’t make it through all your bullshit without my jush.”
A’Keria smiles brightly into the mirrors and she smacks Silky’s arm before the other queen can open up her mouth to respond.
“Leave ‘em alone.  Just because your ass ain’t got a man right now -”
“I ain’t got a man, no.  They’re lining up, honey. All ‘round the block for a piece of this.”
“What about you, Miss Yvie?” A’Keria calls across the room.
Yvie flinches.  Then disturbingly enough, she blushes. Brock doesn’t think he’s ever seen her blush before. It makes her look a lot younger (she is young, though. With all her sharp edges, it can be easy to forget that.)
“What about what,” she mumbles.
“You got someone lining up for you?”
“No.” Yvie’s eyes flash angrily to Brock as if daring him to contradict her.
“What’s your judy Scarlet up to these days?” A’Keria continues, painfully nonchalant.
“I don’t know,” Yvie says flatly, face going so red her skin is almost purple. 
Both A’Keria and Silky stare at her for a beat - before their mouths open in matching screams. 
“She bangin’ Scarlet!” Silky shouts, “Yass girl, get that D.”
“Aw, they’re comin’ for your merch money, Branjie!” A’Keria spanks Silky’s ass. “And this bitch owes me twenty dollars now, bet she thought I’d forget.”
“Shut up.” Yvie’s voice is hard, but there’s a pleased little curve to her lips.  “You don’t even - whatever.”
It’s basically adorable, and Brock wants to say so (before Yvie’s deadly look makes him re-think mentioning anything ever again.)
They’re led to the green room by a tattooed server who could be in the Pit Crew.  He takes a drink order before he leaves, and A’Keria watches him go with raised eyebrows. The room itself is tiny, with one couch that all four finalists will definitely not fit on, and the production team runs off to find more chairs. Brock hangs back, off in a corner while the Dream Girls hassle each other on the couch and Yvie floats nervously around the room. He’s not in drag tonight, and the cameras won’t be on him. He was fully prepared to wait out by the bar, but if Vanessa wants him then he’s here. Simple as that (plus the the thought of watching the episode without her is a little terrifying. He wants to see her face through all of it, remind himself that no matter what came before, this is where they are now.)
“Girl, something is stabbing at me.  Can you see what’s up with this zipper?” Yvie comes over to him, holding up her bizarre seaweed wig, and Brock tries to help.  He’s half-listening to her, and half-listening to the conversation between Vanjie and Silky that has suddenly gotten much more intense. Vanjie’s voice is basically inaudible, but Silky has no inside voice and absolutely no chill, so all Brock can make out is one side of it.
“Naw, you had that when we sent your sad ass to Boston! What you still doing with it? Thought you was going to –”
Again Vanjie says something, and Brock briefly glances at her over Yvie’s shoulder.
“You’re triflin,’ ho. I’m gonna do it for you, you so scared.” Silky raises her voice even more. “Brock, hey Miss Brooke Lynn –”
“Stop it,” Vanessa says sharply. “Serious, Silk.”
“What’s up?” Brock abandons Yvie (after she waves him away, clearly aware that he’s distracted.) 
“Miss Thing over here needs to step her pussy up,” Silky says, and Vanjie glares at her.
“Silk, shut the fuck up.”
“I’m looking out for your best interests, ho.” Silky grins.  “Miss Brooke Lynn -”
Vanjie stops her by getting off the couch and dragging Brock out of the green room. Silky starts clapping in the background, but Vanjie closes the door behind them, pulling Brock down the hallway.  A couple servers and P.A.s are moving quickly around them, setting up for the show, and Vanjie backs Brock up against the wall, standing close and speaking so soft that Brock has to lean into her.
“I ain’t never gonna forgive that bitch.”
“Listen, whatever Silk’s trying to make you do - you don’t have to -”
“No,” Vanessa cuts him off. “No, she’s right.  I - listen. You gotta tell me if this is stupid, I can’t tell sometimes. Around you.”  She fiddles with that silver ring on her thumb. It stands out when she’s wearing it (mostly because she always seems to be touching it, constantly checking to make sure it hasn’t slipped off.)
“I know that we ain’t really talked about what’s going to happen when we’re on the road. We ain’t really talked about any of it. Like if you’re at a club and there’s all this trade around and you’re thinking -”
“Wait - are you asking if we’re exclusive? Vanessa -”
“I ain’t asking. I’m telling you that - I am.” She twists that silver ring. “That’s how it is for me. So. Whatever you wanna do, we can figure it out, but I ain’t - like that. Shit, I gotta stop talking.” 
Brock’s knees are getting weak.  And the night has barely started - never a good sign.
“I’m not like that either.” He reaches out, puts his hand on her waist. “You don’t have to worry about that, okay? That’s not me.”
“Yeah, you say that but -” Vanessa twists that silver ring again. “This belonged to my abuelo. Did I already tell you that?”
“No.”  
Vanessa doesn’t talk about her family much (besides her mom) and Brock didn’t expect her to be carrying around heirlooms.
“He was nice. To me. Not everyone was, you know? And I thought – you gotta promise not to laugh at me.”
“I promise.”
“Such a fucking liar.” Despite the harshness of her words, Vanessa grins, shyly. “You know how you got trouble sometimes, talking ‘bout your shit. Or like asking me how I’m feeling, what I’m feeling ‘bout you.”
“Yeah…”
“I thought, like – maybe if I gave you this you wouldn’t have to ask. Even if we were in other countries and whatever. You’d just - know.”
With trembling hands, Vanessa takes the ring off her thumb, holds it out to Brock.
Brock doesn’t know what to say.
“I ain’t proposing, you don’t got to look so scared. I just –“ Vanessa swallows and looks away, blinking furiously. “Just - this is how I feel.”
Brock just stares at the ring in Vanjie’s palm. He’s forgotten how to make his hands work. Forgotten how to reach out, how to move at all.
“You - want a ring or some shit?” Vanjie asks, voice breaking.
Brock’s clumsy with feeling, so much he almost drops the ring as he takes it from Vanessa, fingers dragging gently over her skin  It’s a thick silver ring with old-fashioned, leafy scrollwork around the edges. It’s heavy.  Brock didn’t expect that. 
“I’m going to start crying,” he stammers, getting ahead of the disaster while he can.
“Don’t you fucking dare or I’ll start, and this paint is flawless now.” 
Vanessa’s hands are smaller than his, and the ring only fits on Brock’s ring finger.  He puts it on his right hand because - he can’t even go there right now. 
“Looks good on you,” Vanjie says and then starts shaking. “You know I love you, right? You gotta know that, I’m all fucked up about it and -”
“Come here,” Brock manages, pulling her against him. Their heartbeats kick at each other, and Brock thinks of home, all the places that have been home and will be home, and how none of them mean more right now than this perfumed man wrapped in his arms.
After Vanjie stops shaking so much, and Brock’s eyes aren’t filled with mortifying tears, they kiss lightly - those backstage lounge kisses where neither of them could move for messing up the other’s lipstick, but they still couldn’t keep their hands off each other.
“Oooof,” Vanjie breathes out. “Okay. Silk is going to destroy me if I go back in there lookin’ all wrecked.“
“You’re gorgeous.” Brock presses a final kiss to her cheekbone, and then one more to her eyebrow and then - “Shit, sorry.  You’ve got - to go back.” Sometimes when he looks at her, when she’s this close to him, he forgets all of that.
“We could just take off,” Vanessa says with some serious consideration. “Get our shit, hit the road.”
“Your girls would hunt you down.”
“True that.” Vanjie sighs.  She reaches out, laces their fingers together. The metal ring is already warm between their palms.
Brock smiles down at their hands, and then smiles at Vanjie, his whole heart in his throat and glowing like an ember.
“Come on, baby. Let’s go find out who wins.”
“I already know.” Vanjie holds his gaze, eyes shining and red lips pressed together. “It don’t matter.”
And for once in Brock’s life - it really doesn’t. 
(Once upon a time, there was a boy who wanted to be a dancer.  
He started young and taught himself, no studios for him. He worked hard, tirelessly, and ended up on stages around the country.  He met people who took care of him, had his heart broken, had his dreams ground down into ashes. He built walls made of glitter and gold brick, and he put them up around himself (but never beneath his skin, never around his heart. His heart was soft, a velvety peach, and however he tried to keep it hidden, people always seemed to find it.  Sink their teeth in.)
He bruised too easily, but he was going places, anyone who met him knew as much.  Everyone who met him saw something that even he didn’t see in himself. 
He worked. He danced. He reached for success and had it smacked out of his grasp, fell to his knees and skinned them, thought it was over.
But it was not over. 
It was just starting.
“Never fear.  The Queen of the North is here.”
The boy (grown up now, with a different name) heard that voice, and looked up across the werkroom to see a woman dressed in red and black and gold.  
We match, was Vanjie’s first thought. 
Her second thought was stranger.  It almost felt like her ankle rolling underneath her, an old dance injury, even though her stiletto heels were planted firmly on the ground.
Glitter and brick was shifting around her, cracks spreading through her armour, and her third thought was: ‘I’m in so much damn trouble.’
It started here, but it won’t end here.  (The thing about peaches is that there are stones inside them tough enough to break your teeth. It takes strength beyond measure to be soft. Say it. Say it again.)
Vanessa lifted her eyes to the Queen of the North, felt the phantom pain of inevitable injury rushing toward her.
And she smiled.)
* * *
Sometimes love doesn’t stay, but motherfuck, when it does
it is worth every person that ever told you that you were not enough.
- “I Break Like a Fever,” Desireé Dallagiacomo c
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helloalycia ¡ 6 years ago
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the exchange // alycia debnam-carey
summary: based off "the exchange" by camila bc why not. AKA you're in an unhappy relationship and fall for your boyfriend's best friend's girlfriend phew
warning/s: i guess cheating??
author’s note: look, i ain't about all that cheating shit. It's horrible and there's no valid reason tbh. This imagine wasn't intended to be a happily ever after in certain aspects, and tbh, everyone thinks they're the good guy hence the interpretation of this imagine is all down to perspective. It's based off the song, specifically the lyrics below, and it's up to you how you take it. I didn't intend for this to be taken seriously (just putting this here in case some of y'all get understandably pressed). People fall out of love and 'your' character should've done the right thing and broken things off but sometimes this (as in what happens) is just the reality of things.
okay, you can enjoy now lmao (i'm probs thinking WAY too far into this oops)
also, Y/M/N = your mother's name
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"I think we should trade, 
Cupid told me he was drunk that day, 
and so he shot two arrows the wrong way. 
I heard him say, 
I think we should trade,
we'll tell 'em 'let's go on a double date,
meet us up at six in the cafÊ', 
we'll run away and call it the exchange."
         It was raining, hard.
         The patter of water against the window felt like miniature claps and I was sure the glass was trembling under the pressure. Nonetheless, the swirling grey clouds and intense rain fascinated me. It hadn't been like this when we'd left home – in fact, it had been relatively sunny. But as we sat and waited, the weather had progressively worsened. A shame, really. Well, to some.
         "Y/N, are you listening?"
         I tore my gaze from the window and met Ethan's brown eyes. He was sat beside me, watching with confusion as I blinked myself back into reality.
         "Yeah, sorry, what was that?"
         He rolled his eyes playfully and laughed before repeating whatever story he was telling. I felt bad, but once again, his lips were moving and no sound was coming out. Instead, I focused on our surroundings. The chatter of customers around us, the scent of coffee that had settled in the store, the bustle of baristas as they perfected their lattes. It was weird, as Ethan was like the background noise to everything else.
         "...and it's been a while, but I'm sure you'll love them both."
         Ethan had finished speaking and I looked back to him, forcing a small smile. He was talking about his best friend, Levi, who lived in Australia. Ethan hadn't met up with Levi in person for about a year now and Levi was moving back to L.A. – his hometown – with his new girlfriend. Well, new to Ethan and I anyway. Ethan had invited them both to meet at this coffee shop, the first meeting in a year.
         "Everything will be fine," I reassured Ethan. "You're right, I'm sure I'll love them."
         I didn't actually know Levi in person, only through the occasional video call. I wasn't really nervous to meet him, but Ethan figured I was. Should I have been? I didn't know.
         "Exactly," Ethan agreed, smiling a bright smile. Maybe for someone else his smile would have lightened up the room, especially in this dreary weather. Maybe his hand resting on their hand would have sent shivers down their spine. Maybe their stomach would be knotted with butterflies.
         I wasn't so sure.
         We had been together for a year now. He loved me. I had told him I loved him, too. But people can fall out of love, right? It was selfish of me to stay in this relationship, leading him on, when I felt nothing anymore. But I was still figuring out how to tell him. How could I let him down without hurting him?
         My mind was a mess, but I couldn't let that ruin now. He was excited to meet his best friend and I had to be a supportive girlfriend. That wouldn't be hard. I was happy for him.
         "Ethan?!"
         I looked up to see a tall blonde man walking towards our booth, a giant grin on his lips. He was holding hands with a girl, but as soon as he recognised Ethan, he let go of her and raced forward
         "Levi!"
         Ethan let go of my hand – I didn't miss the warmth – and slid out of the booth. His expression mirrored Levi's as he raced towards the blonde, meeting him halfway. The two embraced in a dramatic-like fashion, but nobody really took notice because of how busy the store was, despite the crappy weather.
         I sucked up a deep breath and slipped out of the booth as Ethan, Levi and the mystery girl approached me. Ethan was by my side instantly and I refrained from flinching at his unwanted touch.
         "You must be Y/N! It's so great to finally see you in person," Levi spoke first, a smile on his lips. He put out his hand and chuckled. "I'd give you a hug, but..."
         I shook his hand forced a small smile. I understood as he was soaking wet from the heavy rain outside, his hair plastered to his head.
         "You too," I said, hoping I sounded better than I felt.
         Levi seemed pleased with my response and shared a look with Ethan, but I was too uninterested to care.
         "This is my girlfriend, Alycia Debnam-Carey," he spoke again, this time reconnecting a hand with the mystery girl's. He looked to her and said, "Alycia, this is Ethan, as you kind of know. And this is Y/N Y/L/N, his girlfriend."
         The mystery girl – Alycia – stepped forward and pushed her dark, wet hair from her eyes. As her crystal green eyes flickered from the floor to mine, I felt stuck in my spot. She was beautiful and suddenly green was my favourite colour.
         "Lovely to meet you both," she said, smiling the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. And god, she had the most adorable accent I'd ever heard.
         She too put out her hand, and Ethan shook it first, saying something or the other, but I wasn't really listening. I just knew that it made Alycia laugh and throw her head back with laughter. Her teeth were showing and her happiness spread like a warmth around the whole room. Her soggy appearance and wet clothes didn't seem to bother her – I couldn't imagine anything bothering her, to be honest.
         Suddenly, she was looking my way, her hand outstretched. I cleared my throat and placed my hand in hers, trying to ignore how soft and warm they were. Shivers travelled up my arm and she pulled away, her eyes lingering on mine a little longer. Had she felt it too?
         "Come on, let's sit," Ethan said, ushering us into the booth.
         I slid in first, taking my previous seat. I felt Ethan slide in beside me, but I was more aware of the brunette sliding in before me, her bare knees tickling mine underneath the table. Why was I suddenly so nervous?
         "...right, Y/N?"
         I realised Ethan was speaking to me again and tuned back into reality. When I met his gaze, he was watching me with concern.
         "Hm?"
         He licked his lips and asked, "You okay? You keep zoning out."
         I waved dismissively. "Yeah, just thinking, sorry."
         He nodded, though I could tell he wasn't convinced. It didn't bother me though because I was suddenly hyperaware of Alycia's and Levi's eyes on me.
         "I'll get you a hot chocolate, yeah?" he asked, probably having repeated himself.
         I nodded and turned to reach for my purse, but he simply shook his head and laughed.
         "I'm paying for my girlfriend, Y/N," he said, not leaving me chance to argue, as he stood up. He looked to Levi, who was also stood up, and said, "Come on."
         I watched as Levi leaned down to plant a soft kiss on Alycia's cheek, flinching when his lips made contact. He seemed to be going for her lips, but she turned at the last second. Levi thought nothing of it and both him and Ethan joined the queue to buy our drinks.
         I looked back to Alycia, who seemed nervous, but still smiling. I returned an awkward smile and wondered where to start.
         "So you're Australian, hm? That's cool."
         I wanted to facepalm at how ridiculous I sounded. Of course she was Australian! Ethan already told me that and she literally had an accent! What was I thinking?
         Alycia suppressed the urge to laugh as she nodded. "Yes, I am. From Sydney actually."
         "That's really cool."
         Her eyes flickered to the table as she smiled. "Yeah, you already said that."
         I felt my cheeks grow warm as I also looked down at the table. "Right..."
         It was quiet between us for a moment and I was unprepared for the somersaults in my stomach and the bundle of nerves eating away at me. What was happening to me?
         "So how long have you and Ethan been together?"
         I looked up and saw her sitting up straighter, a newfound confidence having taken over.
         "Erm, well, about a year," I answered, suddenly feeling weird about talking about Ethan. "What about you and Levi?"
         Alycia pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Same. We met when he moved to Australia temporarily for work. I found a job opportunity here and so did he, so we decided to move together."
         I nodded, leaning forward with interest. "What is it that you do?"
         A toothless smile appeared on her lips. "I'm a drama teacher... how about you?"
         "Wow, that sounds pretty fun," I said, before chuckling. "My job sounds kinda sucky now." She laughed and my stomach flipped at the sound. "I work for a marketing company."
         "Ah, that's not that sucky!" she tried to reassure, and I could only find it in myself to laugh at how cute she sounded. "I'm sure it's fun."
         I shrugged. "Sometimes. Maybe. Kind of... Not really."
         She laughed again and I smiled at the sound. I wanted to make her laugh all the time – that sound was intoxicating.
         "Honestly speaking," she said once she'd finished laughing, "I wasn't too keen on coming today."
         I raised an eyebrow, suddenly intrigued. "Oh?"
         She shrugged and smiled. "I don't know... Levi had been talking about meeting Ethan for weeks now. He even mentioned you a few times, but I just wasn't feeling it. Of course I didn't tell him that... I wasn't sure what I'd find."
         "What do you mean?" I asked, furrowing my brows, not looking away from her.
         She leaned back into her seat. "I don't know. I guess, well, I don't know anybody here in L.A. so I was mostly distracted by the idea of fitting in somewhere new. What I would find here."
         I nodded to show I was listening. Her voice was soft and it carried beautifully against the pitter-patter of the rain on the window.
         "I'm glad I did come though," she said, giving me a pointed look with her bright emeralds. "You seem interesting. I'm looking forward to getting to know you."
         A smile formed on my lips. "And I you, Alycia."
         The meet up wasn't something I had particularly been looking forward to, but later that afternoon, when Ethan was dropping me off to my flat, I was glad to have gone. Something about meeting the green-eyed girl sent butterflies in my stomach.
         "I appreciate you coming to meet Levi and his girlfriend, Y/N," Ethan thanked me as I grabbed some water from the fridge. "It means a lot."
         I cracked a smile as I settled on the stool before him. "Of course."
         He suddenly smiled enthusiastically. "What did you think of Alycia? I figured you guys would get on and it seemed so."
         A warm feeling spread throughout me and I couldn't help but smile for real at the thought of Alycia.
         "She's really nice," I said, looking down to my bottle. "A great person."
         "Yeah," he agreed. "She doesn't have many friends since she's just moved here and all. Levi and I thought it'd be nice of you both to meet. Did you get her number?"
         I nodded, remembering the exchange of numbers we had during our chat. It had happened so smoothly, not like a crinkle in conversation. I couldn't wait to text to her.
         "Cool, cool... well, thanks again..." He cleared his throat and stood up, rounding the island to stand close to me. "You sure you don't wanna spend the night at mine? We could have some fun..." He smirked playfully as he wrapped his arms around my waist.
         I smiled, though the thought of being intimate with Ethan made my head hurt. It had been a month – probably a little less, since we'd been intimate. I couldn't keep this up anymore though, I knew I'd have to break it off soon. But how? Maybe it was just a temporary thing. Maybe I'd fall back in love.
         "I'm kinda tired actually," I half-lied, pulling away from his arms and offering an apologetic smile. "Maybe next time, yeah?"
         He nodded and I could see him rolling his shoulders back, trying not to let my comment offend him.
         "Of course. You should get some rest. If you need anything, just call. Yeah?"
         I nodded and smiled as I kissed his cheek softly. "I'll talk later, Ethan."
         He nodded and offered a small smile before leaving. Only when I heard the door shut did I release a deep breath. One hand grasping the island, the other massaging my temple, I closed my eyes. I couldn't keep lying like this. It was wrong.
         I opened my eyes when I heard the text tone on my phone go off. I reached for it from the counter and saw my screen lit up with a text message. From Alycia.
         Alycia: Hey, how does lunch sound tomorrow? :)
         I didn't have time to register how I felt because my phone vibrated as another text came through.
         Alycia: Unless you're busy, which is totally cool. It's pretty soon of me to text isn't? We literally just met
         I stifled a smile as I opened up the conversation. Going to lunch with her didn't sound terrible at all. My phone vibrated again.
         Alycia: I just thought we could talk more, without the guys, but it's cool if you don't wanna
         To save her from overthinking, I typed back a response, unable to stop the grin on my lips.
         Me: I would love to, Alycia. I know this great cafÊ nearby! I'll text you tomorrow with the details?
         She replied instantly.
         Alycia: Oh, awesome! I guess I'll see you tomorrow :)
         Hanging out with Alycia started to become a frequent thing as time passed. I helped her settle in to her new flat (which she shared with Levi...) and showed her around all the local hotspots – so pretty much the nearest Target and McDonald's. We did become pretty good friends, but that overwhelming boat of feelings would just hit me whenever she did something cute or touched me platonically.
         I was pretty sure I was falling in love with her, and I wasn't sure how to feel about that. How could I be falling for someone so quickly when I was in a relationship? A relationship with a guy who I couldn't fall in love with? I tried to convince myself that these feelings would pass and possibly extend to Ethan rather than Alycia, but I was kidding myself.
         And I was sure she felt the same. She just had to be. Unless I was imagining those longing stared she'd send my way, or the extra mile she went just to be close to me. It was terrible for us to be like this when we were both in relationships. But I couldn't help but think that it was supposed to be like this.
         It never really came to light until one afternoon. Alycia and I had gone out to watch a film and she had dropped me off home, following me inside because she needed to use the bathroom.
         "I did ask if you needed to go when the film ended," I teased, pulling my keys from my bag.
         She rolled her eyes playfully. "I didn't need it then!"
         I laughed and she joined in, sending a whirl of my butterflies in my stomach. We neared my flat when I saw a woman knocking on my door.
         "Mum?"
         The woman turned and it proved to be my mother when she smiled my way. "Y/N!"
         I smiled in surprise as I pulled her in for a quick hug. "How long have you been waiting here for?"
         She waved her hand dismissively. "Not long, don't worry."
         I nodded and realised that Alycia was just standing behind me, an awkward smile on her lips.
         "Uh, Alycia, this is my mum, Y/M/N," I introduced, before looking to my mum. "Mum, this is Alycia, my friend."
         "Hello, darling," my mum greeted, pulling her in for a surprise hug.
         I stifled a laugh as I saw how taken aback Alycia was. She glared at me playfully before the two separated.
         "Let's get inside," I mumbled, going to open my door.
         "It's lovely to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N," I heard Alycia say from behind me. I opened the door and the three of us walked in.
         "You're not from here," my mum commented vaguely, making me laugh because she was always so dozy with obvious things.
         "What gave that away, mum, the accent?" I asked sarcastically. I approached the two at the kitchen island, watching as my mum went pink with slight embarrassment.
         "Oh, be quiet you," she said, feigning annoyance, before looking to Alycia with a smile.
         I kept my eyes on Alycia as she watched my mum with concentration, a polite smile on her lips. God, she was so beautiful. She was wearing her glasses today and she looked so good in them.
         "What I meant to say is where are you from?" my mum amended her comment.
         Alycia chuckled. "Australia, and I don't mean to be rude, but I really need to use the bathroom." She glanced at me and I laughed when I realised that was the point in her coming in.
         "Oh, sorry, darling, go on!" my mum exclaimed, making Alycia smile appreciatively before leaving for the bathroom. She sent me an embarrassed smile, to which I laughed at, before leaving the kitchen.
         "She's a lovely girl," my mum said as I took a seat at the island. "When did you guys meet?"
         I chewed on my lip as I tried to remember how long it had been. "Give or take a few months."
         My mum nodded, helping herself to some water from the fridge. "So are you still with Ethan?"
         I nodded, though an emptiness came over me as he was mentioned. "Yeah, why d'you ask?"
         She shrugged as she settled by the counter, her bottle in hand. "I just haven't seen him in a while, I thought you guys may have broken up. There's also the fact that you've been giving heart eyes to Alycia."
         My eyes widened and I looked around, hoping Alycia wasn't out just yet.
         "Mum! Firstly, Alycia might hear you so be quieter!" I whisper-shouted urgently. "Also, did you just say heart eyes?"
         My mum laughed as if I'd said the funniest thing ever. "Look, all I'm saying is it seems to me that you like this girl. And if you choose to go forward with that, that's fine, but do right by Ethan."
         "Mum, that's not how it is," I tried to argue, but even I didn't believe me. "We're just friends and–"
         I instantly went quiet when I heard the sound of the bathroom door closing. Alycia walked back into the kitchen and a confused smile fell on her lips as she realised it was quiet.
         "Sorry, did I interrupt something?" she asked and giggled adorably.
         "Er, no," I lied, plastering a smile on my face. "Just catching up."
         She nodded and approached my mum. "Well, unfortunately I should get going, but it was a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N."
         "Call me Y/M/N, please," my mum said, and nodded before pulling Alycia in for another hug. "It was lovely to meet you, too. Hopefully I'll see you soon!"
         Alycia smiled with confusion and cocked her head to the side. I internally facepalmed and my mum merely chuckled.
         "Today was really fun," Alycia said, her voice quieter as she came towards me. A beautiful smile graced her lips as she pulled me in for a hug. I couldn't help but smile as my arms wrapped around her slender waist. I tried to ignore the suggestive eyebrows my mum was raising from behind.
         "Yeah, it was," I agreed, pulling away, our hands trailing down each other's forearms and fingertips touching. Her eyes met mine and I found it difficult to breathe because of how bright and enticing they were.
         "I'll talk to you later," she muttered, smiling toothlessly before letting go and leaving out the front door.
         I breathed out slowly, still unable to shake that rush she gave me whenever she was close to me. I'd almost forgotten my mum was there until she laughed from her side.
         "Gosh, you're in trouble," she commented, and I couldn't help but think, maybe she was right.
         The visit from my mum really brought attention to how intense my feelings for Alycia were. And her comment, do right by Ethan... she was absolutely right. I couldn't be with him when I felt something for someone else.
         What really pushed me to plan the perfect time to break up with him was when I was going to visit Ethan at work to drop off some lunch. He was in his office and his assistant let me right up since she knew who I was. I was about to knock on, but I could hear his conversation through the door and my nosy side came out.
         "I just don't think Alycia likes me like that anymore." It was Levi. Why was he here?
         "C'mon, man, I doubt that," Ethan replied, trying to reassure his friend.
         "No, I'm serious," Levi said, sounding upset. "She's just– she doesn't like me like that anymore. I can feel it. We haven't even had sex in what, two months? Two months, Ethan! Is that even normal?"
         I chewed on my lower lip as I listened in. God, it was so wrong of me to be happy about that, but it also made me feel relieved. She didn't like Levi? Maybe there was a chance?
         No. That wasn't right of me to think. But I knew that thought was hanging around...
         "Dude, listen," Ethan settled, and I could hear him sighing. "Y/N and I haven't exactly been doing so well in that department either..."
         I frowned at how sad he sounded. I was leading him on and I knew it, and just hearing how fed up he sounded made me feel immensely guilty. I promised myself that I would break up with him this week. Anytime, soon, this week. I had to.
         I knocked on the door before opening it slightly, a small smile on my lips. "Anyone hungry?"
***
         I knew exactly what I was going to say to Ethan, but I also knew that in that moment, I'd forget everything I'd rehearsed. Knowing I could make it sound horrible was worrying me, so I decided to get my mind off things. Alycia had asked me to go shopping with her the following day, so that's where I found myself.
         "Trying on the clothes is by far the best part of shopping," Alycia said, a grin on her lips.
         I laughed at how cute she was, feeling those familiar butterflies. We were going to the changing rooms and she was more excited than one would usually be to try on clothes.
         "Yeah, yeah, loser, just go on," I said, giving her a teasing smile.
         She chuckled and got in the changing room, waiting by the curtain. I got in the one opposite her, turning to shut my curtain. She grinned again before pulling her curtain closed. I rolled my eyes playfully and shut my own. This was proving to be a wonderful distraction from my own problems.
         "Ooh, you were right about that top, Y/N!" I heard Alycia say excitedly from her side. "Look!"
         I opened my curtain as she did and smiled impressively. "I have pretty good taste if I do say so myself," I joked, which made her roll her eyes playfully. "Honestly though, you look really good."
         She bit her lip to contain her smile. "Thank you. Now try on those shorts I chose for you!"
         I laughed and closed my curtain, doing as she said. I looked in the mirror, nodding with agreement, before calling for Alycia. We were lucky the changing rooms were empty otherwise I could only imagine the complaints we would get from other customers.
         "Yes! I love those and you look so good in them," she complimented, her eyes looking me up and down. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't blushing at her stare.
         "Thanks," I said awkwardly, before closing my curtain. God, why did she always have this effect on me?
         "I'm not too sure about this one, Y/N, what do you think?" she called after a few more outfit changes.
         I opened my curtain as she did and had to refrain from physically dropping my jaw. She was wearing a black dress that managed to hug her curves in all the right place. She was absolutely stunning and I swear my heart was beating out of my chest.
         "Y-you look really good," I got out, unable to meet her eyes. "Um, you should get it..."
         She pursed her lips and looked in the mirror beside her. "I don't know... do you think?"
         I breathed out slowly before nodding. I finally looked up to her. "Totally, Alycia, would I lie?"
         She looked back to me and raised an eyebrow playfully. "I don't know, would you?"
         I smiled at her expression. "No, I wouldn't. You should buy it, seriously."
         She nodded, a toothy smile on her face. "Okay, I'll get it. But only because you said so."
         I stifled a laugh as she stared longingly my way. I licked my lips and quickly shut the curtain, trying to get her haunting green eyes out of my head.
         I got out of the clothes I was going to buy and back into my own when I called for Alycia. "You ready?"
         "Uhhh..."
         I quirked an eyebrow and pulled open my curtain, seeing hers was still closed.
         "You okay in there, Leashy?" I asked, suppressing a smile.
         I heard her chuckle nervously. "Kinda... I may or may not need your help to get out of this dress."
         I shook my head with amusement and slipped in through her curtain. She had the dress pulled up to her waist and I couldn't help but laugh at her troubled expression.
         "As you can see, my hair is caught in the zipper," she pointed out, giving me a knowing look.
         I moved forward and motioned for her to turn around. "It would've helped if you fastened it first, wouldn't it?"
         "Indeed, it would have," she agreed, making me smile.
         I gently pulled her hair from her zipper and she held it up and out of the way as I moved to pull the dress over her head. It came off with ease and she turned around, smiling cheekily and avoiding my eyes.
         "Wasn't so hard, was it?" I asked, a teasing smile on my lips.
         She sighed over-dramatically, making me laugh, and hung up the dress. The short silence of her response made me realise that she was stood there in her bra and jeans and I could feel my cheeks grow warm at the sight. I averted my gaze, but I wasn't sure where else to look.
         "Thanks," she finally spoke, grabbing her shirt from the peg and holding it in her hands.
         I finally met her eyes, about to dismiss myself and give her some privacy, but I felt stuck in place as her gaze peered right through me. Her eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips, half-lidded as she moved closer. I should have moved, knowing what was about to come. I knew it was wrong. But she was like a magnet, attracting me closer and closer and closer, until...
         Her lips pressed against mine hastily, yet softly. She dropped her shirt and rested a hand on my waist, pushing me back against the mirror, the other hand resting on my cheek. I closed my eyes and moved my lips in sync with hers, appreciating how gentle yet desperate her lips were. She was warm, careful, comfortable. Her body fit perfectly against mine and it sent the butterflies raging in my stomach. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't imagined what it would be like to kiss her. This was perfect, everything I thought it to be.
         And that's when I realised how wrong this was.
         I pushed her back reluctantly, opening my eyes, only to be submerged in her pools of green. We were both breathing heavily, trying to catch back our breath from that insane kiss. Woah.
         "I'm sorry," she said, letting go of me and stepping back. Realisation dawned on her. "God..."
         "Alycia–"
         She shook her head, holding her hand up as she tried to catch her thoughts. She bent down to pick up her shirt and pursed her lips.
         "We should get ready," she said, and turned around, making her perspective clear.
         I frowned guiltily and left her changing room, going to my own. I couldn't get the image of her being that close to me, the smell of her perfume in my nose, the touch of her delicate lips against mine, out of my head as we got ready and paid for our items. Today was supposed to get my mind off things, but it only made me realise how much I cared for Alycia.
         When we left the store, she suddenly spoke, the first since we'd left the changing rooms.
         "I just remembered, I have some things to do back home..."
         I could see that she was lying, only trying to back away and leave.
         "I can give you a ride," I tried, stepping forward, but she only stepped back.
         She visibly swallowed and avoided looking my way. "I'll be fine. I don't wanna stop you from shopping. See you, Y/N."
         I sighed as I watched her speed-walk away from me. God, why did things have to be so confusing?
         I ended up heading straight home after that, my brain having been fried from all the confusion. Ethan called me on my way back, which was the last thing I needed, but I answered anyway.
         "Hey, babe," his voice echoed into my car.
         I released a deep breath before saying, "Hey, Ethan. What's up?"
         "Just wanted to see how shopping with Alycia was!" he said, only reminding me of the pile of things I had to sort through mentally. "Levi told me you guys had a girl's day out! Is she with you?"
         "No, she's back at home now. But yeah, it was good," I lied, feeling even more guilty. How many lies had I told him now? Too many to count, no doubt.
         "That's good," he said. "Well, anyway, I'm at yours, waiting for you. Thought we could hang out this evening?"
         I just wanted to be alone, but I couldn't exactly say that, so I sighed. "Okay, Ethan, I'll see you in ten minutes."
         He seemed excited, which only pressed the guilt I felt because I knew I needed to break up with him. "Awesome! See you, babe."
         I said my goodbyes and groaned as I drove home in silence, thinking about how I was going to deal with everything.
         When I headed through my front door, Ethan was there instantly, taking bags from my hands and setting them down. He pulled me in for a hug and I noticed how hard and uncomfortable it seemed compared to Alycia's smaller frame.
         "I missed you," he said, leaning down to kiss my cheek. He stayed there, sniffing the air. "Is that a new perfume?"
         I widened my eyes when he pulled back. Crap, was that Alycia's?
         "Levi picked something similar for Alycia not long ago," he said dismissively, oblivious to my panic. "If you like it, I can get you it."
         I scratched my head awkwardly. "Erm, yeah, Alycia was showing it me today when we were shopping. I wasn't really fond of it though."
         Ethan shrugged. "Eh, fair point."
         I was grateful for how oblivious he was, but it also made me realise how much of a cheater I was. God, I was the worst. I needed to end this. But first, I needed to fix things with Alycia. She was plaguing my thoughts and I had to see how she felt about me. That was eating away at me as much as this whole breakup thing was.
***
         I found myself knocking on Alycia's flat door a week later. I knew Levi was hanging out with Ethan so this was my opportunity to fix things between us. She'd been avoiding my calls and texts all week and I couldn't stop thinking about her and the moment we shared. I needed to talk to her.
         She didn't answer straight away, but I could hear her on the other side of the door. She was probably looking through the peep hole, debating whether or not to let me in. I only hoped she would.
         After what felt like forever, the door finally opened and I was met with Alycia's glowing eyes.
         "Hey," she got out, her eyes suddenly darting to the floor nervously.
         I felt butterflies in my stomach at her presence. Still, I was unable to contain my feelings.
         "Hey," I greeted in return, my voice cracking nervously. I cleared my throat and continued, "Um, I haven't been able to reach you lately."
         Alycia visibly gulped and nodded her head, still not meeting my eyes. "Yeah, sorry about that, I was busy..."
         I could see she was lying, but nonetheless, I nodded. "Erm, it's okay, but I was hoping we could talk some things out. About, well, y'know..."
         She breathed in deeply and nodded before stepping to the side to let me in. I walked in and noticed how she still wouldn't look at me. I felt shivers on my arm as I walked past her, catching a whiff of her perfume – the one she wore the day we kissed.
         "Would you like anything to drink? Eat?" she asked politely as I sat on the couch.
         "No, Alycia," I said, staring at her. I knew she was stalling.
         She merely nodded and took a seat on the couch, but left a large gap between us. I understood why she was acting like this, but I wasn't sure what it meant. Did she think our kiss was a mistake?
         "Look, I'm going to get right to it," I began, growing uncomfortable at her lack of attention. "I think you like me as more than a friend."
         This caught her attention and she suddenly looked up, her green emeralds widening ever so slightly.
         "And I like you too," I added, softly.
         Alycia's eyes darted around the room hurriedly, as if she was trying to collect her thoughts. "Y/N, this can't... we can't... this is wrong."
         I frowned slightly. "I know. We shouldn't have done that to Ethan and Levi. But that's a separate problem for the moment. I need to know how you feel."
         Alycia's eyes met mine and she shook her head. "Y/N, I shouldn't have kissed you, okay? I shouldn't have done that to Will. I– I cheated."
         She looked down to her hands, and I saw how terrible she looked. She felt guilty for what happened and I didn't blame her, because I felt it, too.
         "You like me and I like you," I stated. "I feel like something was always supposed to happen between us. Don't you?"
         She pursed her lips, her eyes flickering to mine momentarily. They were agreeing with me, even if she verbally wasn't.
         "I've been thinking about breaking up with Ethan for a long time now," I told her honestly. "Since before I met you, Alycia. It just wasn't working out. And I know things haven't been the best between you and Levi. And I guess I'm just thinking, what if we ended up with the wrong people?"
         She ran her hands though her hair and sighed quietly. "I can't just break up with him, Y/N. It's not that easy. I share this flat with him to start with. Things will be messy and I can't just leave him because I might love someone else. It's not fair to him."
         Despite her obvious hurting, I couldn't stop myself from smiling slightly. She said she might have loved me and it made my stomach flip upside down.
         "You might love me?"
         She tensed up when she realised her slip up, but said nothing.
         "You can't stay with someone to keep them happy when you aren't happy yourself," I said, not looking away for even a second. "It's not fair to either of you. And the flat shouldn't be an issue. You can stay with me until you find a new place. I can help you out, Alycia. And maybe we can sort things out between us on the way. What do you say?"
         She genuinely looked like she was debating my offer. Her eyes looked to mine and I finally felt like I could see how she felt for me. I wanted to be with her, and obviously I had to do the right thing and break things off with Ethan, but it would be worth it if I could finally be happy and have Alycia.
         "I can't do that to him, Y/N, I'm sorry," she finally spoke, and any hope I had died away. "We should just stay friends."
         I tilted my head to the side and looked away. Nodding, I bit my lip and thought things through. She had feelings for me but couldn't be with me. Alright, okay, I could deal with this. Right?  
         "Okay," I agreed, knowing I wanted her in my life as a friend rather than nothing at all. "As friends, can I stay here to hang out?"
         I glanced at her and she was chewing on her lower lip.
         "Yeah, sure," she agreed. "Only platonic feelings between us. Agreed?"
         I nodded and sat back in my seat, mumbling, "Okay, but it was you who kissed me."
         Her face grew warm as an embarrassed smile fell upon her lips. Sinking in the couch beside me, she grabbed the TV remote and turned on the TV.
         I stayed and the two of us watched a film together. I wasn't even sure what we were watching because Alycia's presence was too distracting. I caught myself staring at her, too enthralled with how beautiful she looked. She was dressed so simply, her hair in a loose bun and no makeup on, yet she managed to take my breath away.
         Not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable however, I tried to concentrate on the film, whatever it was. But suddenly, Alycia sighed loudly.
         "Y/N, when did this happen?" she asked, and I looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
         "What are you talking about?"
         She gave me a knowing look and glanced down at our apparent intertwined hands. Hm, when did that happen? I didn't recall grabbing her hand in the first place. The feeling of it in mine felt so perfect it made no difference.
         "Really? Because I can remember agreeing that this would be platonic yet–"
         I couldn't stop myself and before I knew it, I had leaned forward and pressed my lips against hers. She went quiet and instantly moved forward, her lips moving against mine. The kiss was sensational and I felt shivers down my spine as she rested a hand on my cheek and her other hand on my thigh. We pulled away for a quick breath but I moved forward and caught her lips in mine again, unable to be away from her for a second longer. She was addicting and warm and everything like the other day, except this was kiss was less rushed and more meaningful.
         This time, it was me who pulled away, but I kept ahold of her jaw, not moving away from her fully.
         "I'm sorry..," I breathed out. "I know we agreed to be friends, literally half an hour ago, but I couldn't help it."
         I watched as Alycia clenched her jaw slightly, it tensing under my hand. She pursed her lips and glanced down, before moving back and making me drop my hand to my side.
         "I... I want to be with you."
         My heart raced faster as she looked up and met my eyes with confident ones. She said the words I so desperately needed to hear.
         "Then let's do this," I spoke, smiling a little. I took a leap of faith and reached out for her hand. She let me. "We can do what's right. Break up with Ethan and Levi. Then let's do this for real, Alycia."
         She seemed uncertain as she looked down at our intertwined hands.
         "Okay," she agreed, and I didn't expect it, so it almost went right over me.
         "Yeah?"
         She nodded, looking up again. "Yeah."
         I breathed out with relief, a lovesick smile on my lips. "Yeah."
         "We'll do the right thing as soon as possible," she said, a serious tone suddenly taking over her voice. "It's what's fair on the boys."
         "Agreed." I nodded, knowing she was right.
         "But for now..."
         I furrowed my brows, wondering what else needed to be done, but that confusion was short-lived as she moved forward and captured my lips in hers, stirring the butterflies in my stomach for the third time in a kiss now.
         Her lips were addictive, I knew that much, and as she kissed me there and then, I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming amount of happiness.
         Maybe, just maybe, Cupid shot his arrows the wrong way.
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gendercensus ¡ 6 years ago
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A survey on the prevalence and pronunciation of the title Mx
I’ve run two surveys that focused on Mx in the past. One was in 2014 and had 118 responses, and the other was in 2016 and had 505 responses.
This one ran from 5th until 19th January 2019, and there were 3,204 responses, of which 3,179 were usable, meaning I deleted 25 responses that were abusive or obviously duplicates. Of the 3,179 that were usable, 579 were in the UK. (I single out the UK here because I’m in the UK and I’m particularly interested in collecting UK-specific data.)
The survey was promoted on Tumblr, Twitter, Mastodon, and /r/samplesize on Reddit. The promotional text that I wrote didn���t mention the title Mx at all, in an attempt to get more diverse points of view into the results.
Ultimately my goal was to find out how people are pronouncing Mx these days. I ran the first Mx pronunciation survey in 2014 because I kept seeing people condemning Mx on the basis of not knowing how to pronounce it, so I thought information about how it is most commonly pronounced might help. I’m curious to see if over time people are asking that question less and whether one pronunciation is becoming more popular than others.
Plus I figured it might be interesting to find out a bunch of other stuff along the way while I’m there quizzing you all anyway, so I collected information about
where people were raised and with which first spoken languages (so that people can compare the responses to all the other questions to this information and find out, for example, how Mx is pronounced in Australia or how often it’s on forms in the US vs. the UK)
gender
whether Mx is your title or you’ve just heard of it
how often you see Mx on forms
whether you think it’s gender-inclusive (anyone can use it) or gender-exclusive (nonbinary-specific title)
You can see the spreadsheet of responses and the associated tables and graphs here.
~
FAMILIARITY WITH MX
Here’s the ten countries whose participants are most familiar with Mx:
United Kingdom: 85.5%
France: 71.7% *
Australia: 71.6%
Finland: 70.4% *
Germany: 66.4%
United States: 65.9%
Ireland {Republic}: 65.5% *
Sweden: 61.8% *
Canada: 60.9%
Netherlands: 40.8% *
All countries had at least 27 responses. Countries with less than 100 responses are marked with an asterisk (*).
So at first I was like, “whaaaat, how is France more familiar with Mx than the US, even though the main language of France isn’t even English?” But France had only 53 respondents, compared to over 1,500 from the US, so I imagine there is some bias involved. People filling in the survey will notice that a lot of the questions are about Mx, and when at the end of the survey they’re prompted to share the survey URL they are more likely to do so if their title is Mx or they have friends whose titles are Mx.
So then I moved onto which participants had seen Mx on forms, and which countries they were from. Here’s the top 10 for “participants have seen Mx on English forms in the wild”:
United Kingdom: 36.7%
Ireland {Republic}: 21.7% *
Netherlands: 20.0% *
Canada: 18.0%
Australia: 17.0%
United States: 15.4%
Germany: 10.6%
Finland: 9.5% *
France: 7.3% *
Sweden: 4.5% *
Again, the asterisk (*) specifies that a country had under 100 respondents.
Someone from Australia said in the feedback box that Mx is on every government form, which I thought was excellent! It may not be surprising, since they were the first country to grant a passport with an X gender marker on it to someone who couldn’t be categorised as M or F, way back in 2011.
~
PRONUNCIATION
I guess the thing you’re most interested in here is the way most people pronounce it, right? If you answered an earlier question by saying that you had heard of Mx, this question asked: “How do you personally pronounce Mx when you're speaking English?”
For this question it was possible to select multiple answers, and there was an “other” textbox. None of the “others” got more entries than the least chosen pre-written option (Mixture, 4, or 0.2%).
Mix: 25.5% (573 people)
Məx, with a schwa (ə, toneless vowel): 9.5%
I don't know: 8.0%
Em Ecks, spelling out M-X: 3.9%
Mux: 2.7%
Mex: 2.3%
Mixter: 1.1%
Mixture: 0.2%
In the UK the pronunciation varied from this significantly - Məx (the schwa option) was in the lead with 41%, though this percentage is lower than both previous surveys.
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The spreadsheet goes into more detail on pronunciation, including chart for pronunciation in the 10 most popular first spoken languages, but to summarise: In the US go with Mix, and in the UK go with Məx (with a schwa).
This is the biggest survey I’ve seen on the pronunciation of Mx in the UK at least, with 506 participants in the UK taking part who had heard of the title, so this is probably the best we have to go on right now.
~
MX AND GENDER
I did ask about gender in this survey, in quite a roundabout way. I wanted to group people into roughly three groups, while also acknowledging that gender is ridiculous and a lot of people who’d be categorised as cis and binary wouldn’t necessarily feel 100% their gender all the time.
Which of these statements is most true for you?
I'm a man/boy pretty much all the time
I'm a woman/girl pretty much all the time
Neither of the above options fully describes me
It was possible to check more than one box for this question, and several people did.
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I then made a few comparisons between gender and other answers.
So we have some obvious details first. For example, of the people who said their title is always Mx, most people checked the “neither of the above” option (89%). And then there were more interesting details, such as that women and girls were significantly more likely than men and boys to use Mx for themselves “sometimes”. Could this be related to a few comments entered into the feedback box expressing discomfort with Mx because it sounds too much like Miss?
I learned that people who checked the “neither of the above” option for gender were the gender group most likely to have heard of Mx at 94%, and men/boys were least likely. Of the people who had not heard of Mx, men and boys made up over half. I’d love to suggest that men and boys are least likely to have heard of Mx in part because their privilege permits more obliviosity, but that would be pure speculation and possibly impure judgemental attitude and nothing more.
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~
INCLUSIVE VS. EXCLUSIVE
I asked participants whether they thought Mx was gender-inclusive (anyone of any gender can claim it) or gender-exclusive (generally used when addressing or referring to someone of a particular gender, denoting that gender).
Do you consider Mx to be a title that is gender-inclusive or gender-exclusive, generally speaking?
Gender-inclusive - anyone of any gender can claim it for themselves
Gender-exclusive - it's broadly a title for nonbinary people, in the same way that Mr is broadly a title for men and masculine people and Ms is a title for women and feminine people
I don't know
People whose titles were not Mx considered it to be a nonbinary title by a wide margin, but people whose titles were Mx considered it to be inclusive. This is interesting compared to several of the comments written into the feedback box, which I would paraphrase and roughly generalise into the following:
I’m cisgender and binary and I would really like to have a title that doesn’t express a gender, but I’m scared that it’s a nonbinary title and I don’t want to take it away from nonbinary people.
I’m nonbinary and my title is Mx and I wish some binary people would start using it because I would really like to be able to have a title that doesn’t cause dysphoria but also doesn’t out me as nonbinary.
That’s going entirely on what was typed into the feedback box, of course. There were many other diverse points of view, this was just a pattern that I saw while browsing. It’s possible that other comments were entered elsewhere in the form that I didn’t pick up on, too.
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It might be interesting to note that of the people who only said they were men/boys, 14% said their title was sometimes or always Mx. For women/girls it’s 15%. Because of other biases I’ve mentioned above this is probably not representative of the general public, but it shows that binary people are using Mx for themselves in a gender-inclusive way, and over half of people who claim Mx think of it as an inclusive title, the most popular combination on this board:
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When you split the inclusive/exclusive vote by nonbinary/binary participants instead of people claiming Mx, the results are much closer:
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But again, nonbinary people are more likely to see the title as inclusive and less likely to see it as exclusive.
~
NOTES
In most surveys I usually just ask whether or not someone lives in the UK, but this time I tried asking which country people lived in as a sort of experiment. I’m interested in collecting country-specific data for the much bigger annual survey, and I wanted to see how things might work out on a larger scale.
My hope was that enthusiastic people in other countries might be able to use the data specifically about their own country for their own cunning ends.
What I found was that lots of people said “I actually live in [location] but it wasn’t on the list” when [location] was a territory of another country that is probably culturally and linguistically very different from the governing nation. There were also a lot of people who complained about having to scroll too much to find their country (and language) on the list, so I’m sure there were many people who started to fill in the survey but then gave up and left no feedback.
The most popular country by a long way was the US with 49.6% of responses (1,567), and after that the number of people per country dwindled fast. Number 10 on the list, Finland, had only 27 responses (0.8%).
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I think I will omit this question in the annual survey, and stick to “UK or not UK?”
~
CONCLUSION
Mx is pronounced Mix or Məx, with a schwa.
More nonbinary people use it than men or women, but there are binary men and women using Mx in a gender-inclusive way and most people whose titles are Mx are pretty okay with that actually.
The UK are totally winning at adoption of and familiarity with Mx, followed by (eyeballing it) Australia and the Republic of Ireland.
Nonbinary people and people whose title is Mx are both more likely to consider the title to be gender-inclusive, open to anyone who wants to use it regardless of gender identity.
~
CLOSING COMMENTS
Thank you everyone! Thank you for your honest and open answers, thank you for the interesting and helpful feedback comments (shoutout to the sweethearts who commented just to remind me to take regular breaks and to thank me for my hard work, ilu), and thank you for helping to boost the signal and get as many eyes on the survey form as possible. Without you, my survey and spreadsheet obsession would be 95.36% more boring. <3
So, this was kind of a warm-up. The past few weeks have been intense, and more intensity is coming, but I feel a bit more prepared for starting the 2019 survey. Hopefully I’ll be able to get started in a few weeks. Stay tuned...
122 notes ¡ View notes
delicrieux ¡ 6 years ago
Text
the one for you
PART 2: THE ONE FOR ME
PAIRING: bill weasley x reader, some charlie weasley x reader
summary: (name) is invited to bill and fleur’s wedding. angst ensues. also, requested by anon:  Could I ask you to write the gang at Bill’s wedding? (Without any relation to “won’t he?” because that broke my heart in so many pieces) thank you! I think you are an amazing writer✨
a/n : BILL WILL NEVER BE OVER THE READER!!!! NEVER!!!!! also A FEW THINGS TO NOTE: this is not a part of the ‘wont he’ universe, mc and jacob have a curse breaking firm, mc loves bill and he loves her but oops nothin can be done now! THANK YOU SO MUCH TO @blackphoenixfire FOR THIS AMAZING MOODBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 PLEASE CHECK EM OUT! <3 also, thank you to @wispila for giving me ideas which they clearly SHOULD NOT DO
feedback is always appreciated xoxo
MASTERLIST. ko-fi (i chug coffee as i write these fics, and another cup would make me happy <3)
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“(Name)!” Ever the beautiful, yet secretly somewhat evil, Penny Haywood squeals as she notes you idling around in the shadowy corner of the tent, “(Name), over here!” Her voice is rich with excitement and happiness, and if it was not for the music, surely half of it would be lost. Her hand impatiently begs you to come forth and you do so, eventually, after grabbing a glass of something strong or at least mildly so, to come greet your best friend since Hogwarts in a long overdue hug. She smells like daisies and potion mix. You smile into the hug, it being stronger and fiercer on her end, as you take a shy sip of your drink and silently thank the one who picked out the liquor to at least making it delicious. “I haven’t seen you in so long.” Her interest in the main event is all but lost as she parts from you, gripping your shoulders to get a better look at those tired (colour) eyes of yours, “You never do write anymore…”
“This is a wedding, Penny.” You remind her with a teasing smile, “Best safe the sad topics for the after party… Or at the very least when the kids are sleeping.” You add offhandedly.
She says nothing, but her lips form into a smile, “It’s good to have you back, (Name).”
The invitation to Bill and Fleur’s wedding had reached you all the way in China, when your old bird, Griffin, had graciously dropped the velvety letter onto your head when you were sleeping. It had not awoken you, frankly you doubt a dragon could have woken you up from that coma like slumber (exploring and de-cursing cursed vaults, chambers, homes, jewellery and etc., is always not only stupidly dangerous, but extremely tiring). Fortunately, you had viewed the invitation before it was too late to catch a portkey. You were not surprised to see ‘Wedding’ written in Fleur’s pretty font (Bill Weasley could never and will never have decent handwriting). He is a grown man and he deserves happiness, and marriage would have come sooner or later.
You, and the rest of the guests, watch him and Fleur dance in the glowing fairy lights of the tent, the music soft to fit in with the tune of love. You catch a whiff of Fleur’s flowery perfume as she twirls smiling so brilliantly. The world had long melted around them. They don’t see anyone else but each other.
You had promised Bill many years ago that he would find someone after Emily, that twit who broke his heart in…Was it fifth grade? You quietly recall as you think, your eyes trailing Bill’s and Fleur’s happy image. Ah, you believe it was in fifth grade for him, and third for you. Yes, you sat on the fountain, right next to her, and listened to her spew vile at your favourite person in the world. If your memory serves you right, you had told him the news at The Three Broomsticks. To soften the blow you mumbled that ‘Emily was eaten by a dragon’. That was the same day you promised him that someone will love him for who he is one day. Someone special.
Is it too selfish to think that you figured you would be that person? That he would just wait for you forever?
The dance ends and the guests clap enthusiastically as they kiss. You, of course, don’t shy away from applause yet yours are much quieter. A warm hand lands on your shoulder, and you curiously tilt your head to the side to greet the stranger that decided to seek you out. Charlie Weasley stands next to you in all his blushed glory, though this time you are fairly certain it has little to do with you and all with the drink in his hand. He smiles behind his freckles, eyes glimmering with familiarity and warmth, as he pulls you into a soft hug which you gladly return.
“I knew you’d show.” Charlie says, his lips brushing your forehead, “Ginny did not believe me, but I knew.”
“Believe it or not, it’s not that easy finding quality portkeys in China. Short distances are great, but from there to England? Good luck me finding one that won’t rip my leg off in the process.” You finish with a chuckle, letting him go, yet he keeps you close. “I’ve missed you Charlie.” You say sincerely. He seems to swell from your statement, overflow with emotion as he pulls you into a tight embrace again.
“Me too, (Name).”
“You’ll crush me, Charlie.”
“Good, maybe you won’t leave, then.”
After a few more remarks, he leads you to an empty decorated table. His eyes had trailed each line of your body, but he refrained from further comments, choosing to silently admire you. Yet they kept catching onto your collarbones, the skin on them no longer soft or velvety, but dotted with scars, the whole shoulder mind you, aligned in a near perfect half-circle that scarily resemblance remnants of teeth forever engraved into your flesh.
You note his curiosity and you smile, “Would you believe me if I told you I was bit by a dragon?”
Is it his concern, or the mere mention of ‘dragon’ that alerts him, he is wide-eyed and worried as his eyes meet yours, “You’d be dead, to be honest.” He concludes with a grin, dubbing your question as a jest and taking a sip of his drink. Your smile does not ease. In turn, his falls. “No way.”
“It was guarding a chamber. Siberia, 1995. Thankfully, and I do mean thankfully, I was old, skin and bones old, so the bite wasn’t that bad.”
“How are you alive?” He asks, exasperated, now near frantically examining your features as if to make sure you are really here and not some very realistic ghost.
“Sheer willpower.” You reply honestly, “That and nearly a year in recovery. Believe me when I say I didn’t have a bone in my body that wasn’t broken.”
“And is the dragon okay?”
It would not be Charlie Weasley if he didn’t at least politely interject about the dragon’s wellbeing when you just confessed to nearly dying on the spot.
You grin, “Of course. Couldn’t just leave it there, knew I could never face you if I did. I arranged it to be taken to Europe’s National Dragon Nursing Home. It will live out the rest of its days there in all its brutish glory.”
He seems pleased with your answer, “I interned in ENDNH.”
“I know, Charlie.”
“They will take good care of him there.”
“I have no doubt in my mind, Charlie.”
“I do have more questions though. And they aren’t about dragons.”
“That’s hard to believe.”
“Where’s Jacob?”
The hand that was already raised to press the glass to your lips stops unnaturally as you freeze. You promptly set the glass down, your throat suddenly dry and lungs heavy. The fresh night air you breathe has a hard time travelling in and out. The perfumes mixed with other scents make you dizzy. Yet you still manage to smile, despite how pathetic and sad it looks. Your hand slowly makes its way to his, and lays there as a last attempts at warmth, “He’s dead.”
The glass nearly slips from his fingers, “What? How? When--?”
“He died in Moscow.” You explain, “Jumped head first into adventure, as always. This one was far too dangerous and he was much too reckless. He got cursed…” You murmur hollowly, “And died a few hours later.”
“(Name), I—“
“Don’t, there’s no need.” You cut him off, “It happened three years ago. It’s fine.”
Three years ago... he thinks, was the last letter he received from you was, vigorous and full of life. Quite literally. You sent him a Howler, boasting about an exciting venture in Russia that would make your and Jacob’s firm even more popular, if that was even possible. You never replied to his letter, though. It almost appeared that you fell off of the face of the Earth, and only Bill’s reassurance that you are alive and kicking, working and having no time to reply to friends, made him calm, even if slightly. Bill, however, was unaware of the details himself, since he only heard from other employees of your whereabouts. The news of Jacob’s death had not left Moscow.
Charlie always imagined you and Jacob running around, causing as much chaos as you were set to fix, all around the globe. Your name was whispered in the same sentences as Australia, Egypt, Portugal and others, so not once did he really stop and think how absurd it is to be so busy as to not reach out to any of your friends in over three years. He is an idiot. He should have realised. It is that you always were so cheerful and brave; he figured nothing could stop you and no harm could come your way. He is wrong. You are tired and weak and your eyes have dimmed with pain and sadness. He hardly recognises the woman sitting next to him, holding his hand so tightly. Yet he loves her all the same.
His fingers intertwine with yours and he squeezes your hand gently, “Welcome back.”
You smile at him, “It’s good to be back, Charlie.”
0000
Bill Weasley finally sees you, sitting with Charlie and discussing something privately from across the room. Sitting next to Fleur, he, for a moment, forgets the commotion and simply focuses on you. He hadn’t seen you in a long time. The two of you work together, or…used to work together, side by side. You, he, and Jacob. The three best friends that nothing in this world was powerful enough to stop.  The last he’d seen you, you still had this sort of childish charm about you. That charm is now completely gone.
You sit with poise, your dress adding complements to your curves and complexion, your skin now dotted with old bruises and scars and tattoos. He notes one of them being similar to Jacob’s, perhaps the same even. No more does he see you as a girl, no, now you are a woman, acutely aware of your surroundings, alluring, and prideful. And beautiful. Despite the scars and bruises and your tired eyes, you are still beautiful to him, perhaps now more than ever.
He is struck back to reality when you stand up and leave the tent, waving Charlie off. He has a sudden urge to follow after you, even if he knows full well he should not. He glances at Fleur. She converses with her sister in fluent French whispers, halted of breath. And he feels guilty thinking of you, when he very clearly should be thinking of someone else.
He loves Fleur, he has no doubt about that. But his first real love still burns brightly in his chest, like gasoline ignited by your presence. And he figures that it will not burn out until he tells you what he feels. Or used to feel.
He excuses himself, and Fleur sends him off with a smile. He nods at guests as he passes them, giving awkward smiles as aunts gush and congratulate him. At the moment, he does not feel celebratory at all. Finally, he reaches the spot you had disappeared behind, ducking his head and entering the cool outdoors, the whole tent glowing behind him and casting his ghastly shadow on the dewy grass.
He notes you standing by the rye, the moon being the only thing illuminating your body. The fields in front of you resemble the sea as they sway. As he moves further and further away the music and shouts, giggles and drunken chatter, fade into the background along with the dazing scents. The world melts away behind his back, now simply pleasant buzzing. He approaches you slowly, yet his heart keeps racing in his chest, and why he does not fully know. Perhaps he is nervous; he always was shy when it came to things like these. Perhaps he is guilty, because he knows full well he should not be here. Perhaps he is excited, having the chance to talk to you again.
Honestly, it is a mixture of all three and more.
“Never took you for the one to miss out on a good party, (Name).” He comments as he comes to stand next to you, your shoulder brushing his upper arm. You are much shorter, aren’t you? You glance up at him with an amused smirk, “Unless you are planning some sort of a surprise for me, and I completely ruined it.”
“Happy wedding, Bill.” You say, “Is that what people say at weddings? It is, isn’t it? And no, no surprise, I figured my presence is surprising enough.” You continue, “Though, I did leave you and Fleur a little gift by the gift table. If you manage to find it, that is. It was overflowing when I last visited it.”
He laughs good-naturedly, “I’m sure if you picked it, it will be worth searching for.” But his smile promptly dims and you realise he did not just follow after you because he too was short of breath, “Won’t you get cold?” He wonder aloud, fully prepared to give you his jacket. You shake your head.
“How many times must I remind you, Billy Willy? The cursed ice made me immune to the cold.”
He frowns, “Why didn’t it make me immune? As I recall, I was the one trapped by it, not you.”
“Being hero has its perks.” You shrug, “Besides, I wouldn’t want to steal the groom’s clothes. Do think that’s the bride’s job.”
His heart leaps in his chest and he glances nervously at you. Your face seems pale in the shade, though, at the very least, entertained. Why tonight, he wonders, why is he questioning his decision tonight of all nights, when clearly he had many other instances to ponder. If you hadn’t disappeared, he has no doubt in his mind that you would have been in Fleur’s place, and he wouldn’t have left the tent and this conversation would not have to happen.
He figured, selfishly at that, that the one for him, the one you promised that will come along that will love him for who he is, was going to be you.
Alas, life has a funny way of putting things together. The silence had stretched for long enough, and so with a deep breath he fully turns to you and you follow his actions with mild-confusion.
“(Name).” He addresses you, his voice not once wavering, his eyes not once breaking their intense and determined stare, “I need to tell you something.”
“Yes, Bill?”
He thinks back to what Tonks had once spoken of. That a kiss is usually the best way to determinate if you like the person or not; it is the best way to describe your feelings without bumbling with worlds. His hands land on either side of your face, it warm against his palms, as he leans forward and captures your lips in a long overdue kiss that nearly makes his chest explode with happiness.
Your fingers graze the side of his cheek, “Bill?” you call him quietly, your voice melodious and lovely in the silence.
What vivid fantasy. He should definitely not do that. He could not live with himself if he did, no matter how much joy it would bring him.
“(Name)…” He murmurs, much too preoccupied with tingling at your gentle touch, “I used to…” His fingers come to wrap onto your wrist, the one which’s fingers are ghosting his skin, “I used to really…. Really—“
“Bill!” A voice from the tent shouts, “Bill come ‘ere! It’s your wedding for Merlin’s sake! We ‘bout to cut the cake!”
He stops in his tracks, paralyzed by fear. But he does not look away from your face, “I-I’ll be there in a minute!” He replies.
“You should go.” You urge him with a small smile.
He shakes his head, “No, I—“
“Bill, this is your wedding day, you can tell me later.” You insist, “Even five minutes from now. Nothing will change.”
“(Name), I—“
“I know.” Your voice strikes him to the core, how soft and nearly broken it is, “I know, you stupid boy.” You fingers trace the scar forever engraved onto his skin, “I know, now go.” His fingers loosen their hold on your hand and he takes a small step back, “C’mon, go.”
“I’m coming back.” He states.
“You really shouldn’t.”
“But does that mean—“
You give him a look, on that is unreadable to him, “I’d rather not say. You have someone waiting for you.” You smile softly, “Now please, go.”
He leaves without saying a word, but you know that a long conversation awaits you when the time is right. Left in solitude, with crickets and fireflies as your only companions, you sigh heavily, shivering. Not of the cold, but of the encounter. Your heart races and you have trouble breathing once more. You glance down at your hands, still tingling pleasantly from his touch. Your personal troubles had weighted you down and you could not recover properly. You missed so much. You missed them and you were planning on never seeing any of them again, they being a stark reminder of your brother’s absence.
Yet you could not miss Bill’s wedding. You could not miss seeing him happy, even if for the last time. You could not miss silently wishing it was your wedding instead.
No matter now. Nothing you can do. All is left is to enjoy the party and reconnect with old friends. At the very least, you shall see if Fleur is really worth Bill. If you have to give him up, you want to know that he is in good hands.
forever tags: @scarletraine- @brahwhytho- @smilesfromabove- @pharaohkiller - @victoriaelvendorkweasley-@onehellofdevilotaku- @eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy- @phillipas00- @xxcrowfeatherxx- @cupcakestyleshood- @invisibilityrocks- @nephalem67 - @chwechwechwe - @porpentyna - @lesbianheartbreaker - @banjosanjo - @madswheelers - @sombodymaybeawatson - @disneyfanatic77 - @superanonymousreader - @aliypop​ - @siriusement - @slytherinbratt - @silencehunted - @sungoddessra - @weasleyismyking540 - @kb795 - @escapism-at-its-finest - @wispila - @cherryvodkabih - @rimyautumn - @dear-diary-whyyyyyyyyyy - @but-im-the-chosen-one - @burrcells - @hogwartsmysteryimagines
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catsaar ¡ 6 years ago
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GET TO KNOW ME
TAGGED BY @magnasimblr (thank you! I think haha)
Traits: Cat Lover, Creative, Non-Committal 
1. What is your full name? Sara 2. What is your nickname? Don’t really have a nickname, well people tend to use my last name for that but not going to spill that here 3. Birthday? June 21 4. What is your favorite book series? Game of Thrones 5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Aliens yes, ghosts nah. 6. Who is your favorite author? Jack Kerouac 7. What is your favorite radio station? Radio? Radio? What? Gimme Spotify 8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Salty things 9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Cool 10. What is your current favorite song? Sometimes I have no music periods for a short while, currently going through one of them 11. What is your favorite word? Bishdafaken, courtesy of @lordkiribatisims and yaaassss 12. What was the last song you listened to? 6Lack - Switch 13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Bojack Horseman, Fargo, How to make a murderer, Love, Idunno I watch a lot of different things 14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind 15. Do you play video games? yaaaassss 16. What is your biggest fear? my place being burned down with my cats in it 17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m an empath 18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I can be lazy 19. Do you like cats or dogs better? obvi cats, but I like doggos too 20. What is your favorite season? Summer 21. Are you in a relationship? to quote @magnasimblr​ *runs away* 22. What is something you miss from your childhood? having no responsibilities  23. Who is your best friend? Matthias 24. What is your eye color? Blue/grey 25. What is your hair color? Pink 26. Who is someone you love? my cats Lowie, Lucky and Arya, my mom and stepdad and my best friends 27. Who is someone you trust? my mom, my best friends 28. Who is someone you think about often? my cats​​​, yeah I’m that crazy cat lady 29. Are you currently excited about/for something? not easily excitable anymore, I guess seeing the end of my depression 30. What is your biggest obsession? my cats I guess, seeing as they keep returning in my answers 31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Buffy 32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? my bff Matthias 33. Are you superstitious? Nope 34. Do you have any unusual phobias? being in large crowds. 35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? def behind 36. What is your favorite hobby? my cats (duh), traveling, the sims 37. What was the last book you read? don’t remember, it’s been a while 38. What was the last movie you watched? I think that was Doctor Strange, it’s been a long time, been more into series 39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? unfortunately none 40. What is your favorite animal? do I still have to say? CATS 41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? so many, but I guess, @budgie2budgie @whiisker @a-kind-red @mellocakes @simmerberlin​ Don’t be offended if I didn’t name you you’re prolly in my top 10 42. What superpower do you wish you had? flying 43. When and where do you feel most at peace? at home, in my trusted couch  44. What makes you smile? my friends, my cats, reddit discord bs, the sims, animal gifs 45. What sports do you play, if any? none at the moment. 46. What is your favorite drink? Orange juice 47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? this summer 48. Are you afraid of heights? no I managed to overcome that 49. What is your biggest pet peeve? people smacking while eating 50. Have you ever been to a concert? oh boy have I 51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? vegetarian 52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? I never figured it out 53. What fictional world would you like to live in? San Myshuno with Calum and Pandora 54. What is something you worry about? The future and climate change 55. Are you scared of the dark? Nope 56. Do you like to sing? yes but you don’t want me too 57. Have you ever skipped school? once 58. What is your favorite place on the planet? hmmmm hard one, San Francisco I think 59. Where would you like to live? where I live iz good 60. Do you have any pets? I think that’s pretty clear by now 61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl fo sho 62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets 63. Do you know how to drive? even tho I have my license, I haven’t driven in 12 years so I don’t think I can anymore, also I hate it 64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds 65. Have you ever had braces? Yes 66. What is your favorite genre of music? I’ve gone through so many styles and I still like em all but atm feeling hiphop. 67. Who is your hero? Hunter S Thompson 68. Do you read comic books? not anymore 69. What makes you the most angry? inhumanity 70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real books for the win 71. What is your favorite subject in school? psychology 72. Do you have any siblings? I have an adopted sister. 73. What was the last thing you bought? food 74. How tall are you? 177 cm 75. Can you cook? Yesss 76. What are three things that you love? lol you gonna make me repeat it, my cats! And since I have 3 that will do for this answer 77. What are three things that you hate? ignorance, sexism, racism 78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? more male friends, one of the homies 79. What is your sexual orientation? straight, altho probs bordering to asexual  80. Where do you currently live? Belgium  81. Who was the last person you texted? my friend Chloé 82. When was the last time you cried? last Thursday 83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Safiya Nygaard atm 84. Do you like to take selfies? no thanks 85. What is your favorite app? Spotify and Tumblr 86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? love my mom and stepdad, my bio dad is a big nope 87. What is your favorite foreign accent? a Frenchman speaking English 88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Australia  89. What is your favorite number? 4 90. Can you juggle? no 91. Are you religious? o no 92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? outer space! 93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? definitely but not atm due to my depression  94. Are you allergic to anything? only to a certain lip balm that sets my lips on fire 95. Can you curl your tongue? yes 96. Can you wiggle your ears? no 97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? if I’m wrong, I’m wrong 98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach?  beach 99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? believe in yourself 100. Are you a good liar? yes but only white lies 101. What is your Hogwarts House?  I’m going to offend someone but I never got into Harry Potter sorry 102. Do you talk to yourself? best convo ever. 103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? normally an extrovert, ENFJ 104. Do you keep a journal/diary? nah 105. Do you believe in second chances? yes, but strike three and you’re out 106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? I have before and left it at the front desk of the place I was at 107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yes and no 108. Are you ticklish? no emotions 109. Have you ever been on a plane? yes, I lost count 110. Do you have any piercings? no, the ones in my ears grew close a long time ago 111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Bojack Horseman 112. Do you have any tattoos? yes, 4 113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? just go with the flow and do 114. Do you believe in karma? hmmm undecided 115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses, but only when I need to see far 116. Do you want children? o no no no 117. Who is the smartest person you know? Idunno, I think most of my friends are pretty smart 118. What is your most embarrassing memory? let’s not go there 119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? too many times 120. What color are most of you clothes? black 121. Do you like adventures? yes altho I have calmed down quite a bit 122. Have you ever been on TV? yeah 123. How old are you? 35 looking like 27 and never growing up 124. What is your favorite quote?  "the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”  - Jack Kerouac  125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory
I tag @artemisa02 @mangostefan @lovearound5am @simsontherope @toffeetip @lordkiribatisims (if you’ve already done this I’m sorry I’ve seen so many pass by I don’t remember) Also don’t feel like you have to cus it’s a lot.
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savagegardenforever ¡ 6 years ago
Text
Daniel Quotes
What would you fly to the moon and back for? "The hell of it"
I believe today it’s still the strongest song we’ve got - erm, not that we’ve got worse!" - on "To the moon and back " "Darren’s like a skateboard bowl. You go up one side and then the next - it’s a really enjoyable ride, you’re just like, Wooo!"
"You lead, I'll follow."
"Without success, we'd still be writing songs, with success, we're doing it and enjoying it more."
"We’ve got our foot in the door and now I’d like to do cartwheels in the room."
"I got some photos of Darren performing on stage when he was a teenager with short blond hair, and he was always fascinating to watch. You couldn’t help but watch."
"I'll hint at an attraction, and let it grow."
"movies?? I loved Et...though I'm not sure why?"
"Well it's getting a bit silly now isn't it?" - on SG getting their 6th ARIA award "Well, he gets up 3 weeks before he has to go out!" - On Darren
"I like junkfood, but the Americans have taken it beyond a joke" - On what he thinks about American breakfast
"We’ve got our foot in the door and now I’d like to do cartwheels in the room."  
"If I ever do that, I am leaving the business!" - to Darren when he saw a member of U2 falling off stage, this was before Daniel himself fell off stage on the first tour. (But I can’t see how because he doesn’t move around the stage that much!)
"Once people listen to the difference between our record and a Backstreet Boys’ or something like that they will hear it. And if they can’t hear it, then they were never really meant to be Savage Garden fans in all honesty."
"I think this works" (licks finger and touches Darren) "Ah let me take you home and get you into something dry" - His favourite chat-up line "Why isn't the kangaroo playing the drums?" "Um... So, Darren, when did you actually meet me?" - Entertaining himself "We were just playing around a lot of pubs and clubs in Australia, playing basically whatever drunk people liked.... " - On the early days I guess Darren and I just have this sort of vampire-like connection, that we're always aware of each other being in a room, but never really have to cross into each other's territory... " "This is about putting a guitar over your shoulder and being a hero..for me." - About Break Me Shake Me "I was a big soccer fan when I was a kid and before I got into music and .. you probably couldn't put this microphone any closer to my mouth."
''Anybody's!'' -on what he's like after a few drinks
''I've got great talent! If you want to know why I don't sing, listen to me in the shower.'' - on why he lets Darren do the singing.
''Go after your dreams because you never know how easy they may be to achieve.''
Savage garden is an erotic name, Dan? "Umm… I think so, according to Darren yeah!"
''Why they get moody every month.'' *laughs* - on the thing he doesn't understand about the female sex
''One time I stalked a girl for 3 months.'' - when asked if he's ever done phone terror on a crush
''3... but I was 14 [years old].'' - on how many people he's kissed in 24 hours
''I have a lot of girlfriends but I'm always open for more.''
''Music is like a drug... *after thinking about what he has just said*... but a positive one!''
''One time I hit my head so hard we had to stop!'' - on the most embarrassing thing that he's done in bed
''Oh well, she's into that sort of thing so we could just share each other.'' - on what his girlfriend would say if Elizabeth Hurley came onto him
''I turn on my charm and pretend to be cuter than I am... and it actually works.'' - on how he acts when he's got a secret crush on someone
''He thinks he is funnier than he is.'' - on Darren
"Yeah what he said."
" We don't have a least favourite spice. Savage Spice is our least favourite." " I think when you do something that deserves a reward, yeah great. When you don't do something that deserves a reward and you get one then sometimes it's a little hard to perceive where that's come from"
"I wouldn't mind just sitting out in the sun for an hour or two on a beach somewhere in Australia with nobody there. That'd be cool."
" I like the presenters."
"It's taken 12 months for the whole world to basically hear Savage Garden and it has happened very quickly and they do like it. So I think the secret is maybe there are some good songs on this album and people like good songs."
"Everybody's fascinated by Australia and Australians." (Today Tonight)
" See what happens when you write songs, they make you do stupid things in front of the camera."
"I think a lot of it's got to do with songs first off because the only thing we've got to speak for us is our music. I think there's a definite chemistry between Darren and myself when we sit down and write a song. I think Darren's voice is a superb voice and the way we deliver emotion within songs is real and I think real people have heard this music and real people have got behind it."
"It has been fun, there's been moments when I've been in hysterics you know laughing. It's been really hard as well. It's the hardest I've ever worked in my life. The pace that it's been set at it's hard to keep up at times." "I have heard [I Want You] in the odd Woolies or Coles and it's pretty embarrassing."
" I think at sometimes we have taken ourselves a little too seriously and I think we may loosen up a little bit more musically."
" I think also we wanted to do the Australian tour more than anything so it didn't matter what was kind of happening we wanted to come through and tour."
"We're still good friends."
"I said hello then spent the rest of the show trying to smell her." - on watching Popmart next to Helena Christensen
"It was pissing me off. Music was becoming more about talking about it than actually making it. I had to get back to the studio. I enjoy it and I miss it. The whole monster size of this machine takes if away from you."
"I was never a nerd."
"Darren is brutally honest, even to himself. Sometimes he's his own worst critic. He's so honest that anything he's feeling comes to the surface, which really helps to clear the air in the type of intense relationship we have. He reminds we of a kid, not in a bad way, but in his naivete."
"I'd be skinny Spice."
"I think naturally I'm a bit reserved and a bit shy and I tend to shy away from rather than seek it."
"The last two years have been a hell of a ride for us and we just want to take the time to thank you!"
"I'm not the frock wearer. It's not frockin healthy."
"Someone sent me three boxes of Time Out bars and I was sick for a week cause I ate 'em all."
"It's a bit like getting changed in front of your parents, you love these people but you just wouldn't do this much in front of them."
"I just sort of remember picking up the phone and hearing Darren swearing."
"When I see one of our videos on TV I hope my ex-girlfriends are watching!"
"My best features are my hands. After all, they do most of the work."
"See what happens when you write songs? They make you do stupid things in front of the camera." - when Darren and Daniel went on Splash Mountain at Disneyland and gave the camera the middle finger. But they didn't get their photo. "Or we could be fat and bald and go, 'I was a pop star once.'" "Yeah, many times, it happens all the time, and it's usually when you're dressed the most daggiest!" - on getting recognised
"We've never really taken into consideration this title. although ... I do have to agree with you, I AM very sexy!" - answering the question "What's it like being labeled 'sexy man'?" "I've always been a very stubborn person, stuck in my ways." "In Brisbane, we live as far away as possible from each other." - addressing the rumor that he and Darren live together "I tried to make my hair as spiky as an ARIA award... but he beat me to it!" "It makes him sing higher." - watching Darren put on his tight bodysuit for a concert Interviewer: Now look we haven't touched on Darren yet, so we probably should. Have you had to give him a backhander to settle him down a bit? Because I've seen him perform live, sometimes he gets a little bit out of control, have you given him a bit of a slap? Daniel: No, he does it himself, mate, he falls off the stage every other night. Daniel: This track is called "The Lover After Me." Interviewer: And what's that about, quickly? Daniel: Uh, the lover after me.
"It just appeared. No one really knew what to call the song and then everyone was just referring to it as 'The Animal Song.'"
"I've been stung by bees before." - answering the question, "Have you ever been savaged by a garden?" "Why isn't the kangaroo playing the drums?" "I've never done that old, 'Hey, babe, I'm from the Garden!' pickup line thing, either!"
Interviewer: Daniel, your mum's nickname for you? Daniel: For me? Caniel, because there was a misprint in a paper one day when I scored a goal at soccer.
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linernotesandseasons ¡ 6 years ago
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My 18 Favorite Albums of 2018
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Well...Here it is again! 2018 was a...YEAR. One of the toughest I’ve had so far. But full of hard work, growth, challenges, & little victories. Here are some of the albums that soundtracked it. 18 releases that I loved & supported. Songs that helped me make it through. For the seventh year in a row...My favorite albums. Listed here in no particular order (unless you know/enjoy the english alphabet). Top 5 are probably Monae, Rainbow Kitten Surprise, Field Report, McEntire, & Liza Anne, in that order. Music marks time & space. These are the ones for this year. Enjoy! 
AMERICAN TRAPPIST   /   Tentanda Via
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       We start our 2018 journey in a comfortingly familiar place with the second official full length album from Toms River, New Jersey’s American Trappist. His self-titled debut made my 2016 favs list and his old band River City Extension (top 5 reunion tour wish list for sure!) were second to Fun. on my list way back in 2012. Safe to say Joe Michelini is one my favorite songwriters of the last 10 years. Lucky for us, 2018 found Michelini writing equal parts depressing & uplifting boardwalk rock & roll for/from the underdog/underground. Tentanda Via (Latin for “the way must be tried”) is a blast of an album; full of horns, drums (both jazzy & rock & roll-y!), inspired piano, & Michelini at the helm sounding altogether confident in his existential breakdowns. To me this reads like a coming-of-age album at heart (the way must be tried!), but a deeper, wiser sort of unraveling. A mid-30′s rock opus about learning to live with yourself. Learning how to make yourself better. These songs are inspiring and mix more than a little Springsteen ethos (maybe it’s the horns?!) with some late 90′s/early 2000′s emo/indie/alternative etc...
The straightforward rockers “Death Wish” & “Nobody’s Gonna Get My Soul” bookend the nine track album with surprisingly nimble & crunchy electric riffs and off-the-charts energy! In between, the mid tempo drive of “Getting Even” & “Don’t Get In” lets Michelini’s emotional writing really shine. The words jump out of the songs, full of passion, desperation, & an urgency that makes me glad people are still making records like this. There’s also a unholy, weird interlude that you have to hear to believe called “Unfresh Dirtwolf.” American Trappist is a band that came from the ashes of another band. A band that seems reluctant to tour West of...Ohio. A band that stays under the radar. Michelini has been writing some of my favorite songs for awhile & it feels good growing older together. Here’s hoping for a new one of these every other (or just every?!) year for me to belt along to with the windows down in my Subaru. Joe, if you’re listening out East, don’t stop. This is why I love music. 
       “Driving through my hometown I feel the peace of the Lord / Ride up behind me on a blind dream from my childhood / Looking back again, it’s hard to understand / Getting older, I guess I do / Waiting on some waking dream like it might find you...”
BLACK BELT EAGLE SCOUT   /   Mother of My Children
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       I bought Black Belt Eagle Scout’s debut album at Twist & Shout Records the day it came out. I think I loved the cover art and the idea of Katherine Paul’s solemnly solo rock album, recorded in the dead of Winter in rural Washington, sounding like just what I wanted in my headphones to face the Fall. Then (as so often happens) I got a text a month later from my partner at 12:27am that read simply...
“I’m okay. Going to bed meow. Listen to Black Belt Eagle Scout.” 
From there we took Mother of My Children on a snowy road trip to Durango, Colorado. Crisscrossing mountain passes through snowstorms, & visiting Mesa Verde National Park, we let Paul’s earnest, determined, & emotional songs, sweep us into the gray. All this to say that this album has already marked some pretty specific time & place for me. There is a starkness to these songs, a simplicity that makes the songwriting stand alone. Where lesser lyricists would be revealed as phonies (or simply bad) Katherine Paul’s stark, powerful words are illuminated by her minimalist production. With a rhythmically mournful 80′s/90′s emo touch (for more modern emo fans I might even hear a little Manchester Orchestra) Paul doesn’t pull any punches. The guitar gets delightfully heavy on the outro to six minute epic opener “Soft Stud” and then twirls & spirals with the drums in the entrancingly sad “I Don’t Have You in My Life.” This is an important album for Paul to have written and there is a great power in her words. Oh also... she plays every instrument on the album!?! Guitar, bass, drums, vibraphone, keyboard, organ, various percussion, & all vocals. Very Vagabon. Very Caroline Rose (spoiler alert!)! With our world on fire, and full of threats (from our own government) to native lands & native people, it’s increasingly important to listen to and hear/heed the words and writings of people like Paul; a radical, indigenous, queer, feminist from Oregon. Thanks for speaking out KP. Listen to Black Belt Eagle Scout. 
       “Do you ever notice what surrounds you? When it’s all bright & tucked under / Do you ever notice what’s around you? When it’s all right under our skin...”
CAMP COPE   /   How To Socialise & Make Friends
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       Camp Cope is a GREAT band name. Camp Cope is a REALLY GREAT band. Camp Cope has a wit & an attitude that is so punk rock, so genuine, & How To Socialise & Make Friends is a powerful album. Hailing from Melbourne, Australia, Camp Cope rides a practiced garage-y sound and lead singer & lyricist Georgia Mac’s passionate howl and impressive writing. As someone who grew up on early 2000′s pop-punk, emo, & alternative (something I guess I probably regret more often than celebrate. Because toxic masculinity & white male fragility) there is something so bittersweetly nostalgic in these chord progressions, the earnest electric strums, the yell-sing vocals, that takes me back to high school. Georgia Mac has a way with words, sliding them in & out, over cascading, steady strums, & then sometimes building them up to a frantic yelling. These are songs that sound as if they had to come out, had to be sung this way, like no one else could write or sing them. With an equally muscular rhythm section, “The Opener” attacks music industry sexism head on (if you haven’t seen Camp Cope live, it is chill inducing hearing a whole room belt along to every word) with a bass riff that could fly a jetliner. The three members interact so well together musically and everything from the driving “UFO Lighter” to the lilting “Sagan, Indiana” sounds tightly rehearsed. Equally passionate in their social media presence and their willingness to engage and fight for social justice issues, Camp Cope represents the future. Bands like this are changing the game right now and it’s exciting to hear it in real time. 
When I close my eyes for a second, as the title tracks rings out and the gorgeously, lightly sad “The Face of God” ambles in, I’m 17 again. I’m driving for the first time, crying at the moon by myself or laughing with my friends. I’m a freshman in college, skipping my Friday classes (and braving mountain passes!) headed west, headed home. Then I snap awake and I’m 32, it’s Winter here and Georgia bellows “Just get it all out, put it in a song. Just get it all out, write another song!” Thanks Camp Cope. This album is special. 
       “It’s another all-male tour preaching equality / It’s another straight, cis man who knows more about this than me / It’s another man telling us we’re missing a frequency / SHOW ‘EM KELLY / It’s another man telling us we can’t fill up the room / It’s another man telling us to book a smaller venue / Nah, hey, cmon girls we’re only thinking about you / Well, see how far we’ve come not listening to you / ‘Yeah just get a female opener, that’ll fill the quota’...”
CAROLINE ROSE   /   Loner
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       It took Caroline Rose four years from her weirdly rootsy-riffy debut album to find her true self, but Loner sounds every bit like an artist comfortable in their own skin & confident in their craft. Dialing up the synths, fuzz, and brilliantly tongue-in-cheek lyrics, Rose touches on all the big topics: drugs, death, sex (ism), and money! with a casual, conversational songwriting maturity that belies her 28 year old sophomore-ness. Favorites include “Jeannie Becomes a Mom” (check out that bouncy organ!), the steady build & twisty, head-turning songwriting of “Getting To Me,” & the electro warp & wend of “To Die Today.” I was finally convinced into falling for this album when my partner played it three times (or was it six?) back-to-back-to-back on a rainy Summer Sunday afternoon drive from Granby, CO back into Denver. Something about the pacing; the complex, yet immediate song structures that leave you wanting more. These are songs of tested confidence. But shining through it all, Rose is a wild card. A red clad rockstar with a palpable spirit, not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve & laugh a little along the way. Loner is full of dance jams for the cool kids & the loners. At its core it preaches acceptance, and teaches us to love ourselves & love each other for who we are. Go Caroline! See you in a month in LA! 
       “Waitress sets the tables, two & four & six / Laying placemats, knife, fork, spoon, upon napkin / All the counter people, she knows us all by name / A counter people fission, everywhere we are the same... / & so you line ‘em up, a single cell, another one gone / Ostracon vase with your name on the line...”
FIELD REPORT   /   Summertime Songs
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       At some point during this year I begin to realize how important beloved songwriters releasing new works is always going to be to me, I was falling (& re-falling) for new works from long time favs Calexico, Gregory Alan Isakov, Florence & The Machine, & of course Phosphorescent. But somehow it was Field Report’s third release Summertime Songs that stuck and became perhaps the most meaningful of all. I fell in love with Field Report in the midst of a hard, hard winter (2012 I think). Their sophomore album Marigolden has been a constant companion since 2014. I first heard this set of songs (the ones that comprise Summertime) in the June of 2017, sweating in the familiar Eau Claire, Wisconsin heat. Hearing a set of 100% new, unreleased material is exciting and also kind of a risk. After the set I wrote that the new tunes “Sound like June. Like wet cement & flash floods. Like swollen rivers & mosquitos full of hard fought human blood. Like growing older & having kids. Intimate details stretched over skittery, percussive thunderclouds. Like grabbing an electric fence. Digging in &...replanting.” I was 100% in it. On a high in Wisconsin & falling deeper in love with music. Then Field Report went mostly silent & we had to wait till early 2018 to get the recorded versions. Adding even more drums (Shane Leonard deserves a shout-out here as a killer pocket player!) some electronic effects, and ramping up on the arm-out-the-rolled-down-window singalongs definitely serves Chris Porterfield (did you know the name Field Report is just an anagram of his last name?!) well. Whoever it was who asked him “why don’t you try Summertime songs” was on the right track. His songwriting is as electric as always on this set of heartbreakers & as usual he follows a lot the same threads. His lyrics here are visceral, wordy, & wise, & i can feel the songs growing up with me. Sometimes I lead, sometimes they lead me, but we always seem to find each other exactly when we need to. 
       “Time is a bird with a mean, hooked beak / & he’s just waiting around to work on you & on me... / Shotgun wedding, black on blue / The river’s swelling like a bruise...”
H.C. McENTIRE   /   Lionheart
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       Heather McEntire has been carving out a name for herself in the North Carolina music scene for years fronting old-school punk band Bellefea & more recently, the much loved Mount Moriah. But way way back in January, Lionheart roared in under her own name; all ferocious & tender, confident & wild. A true southern record, Lionheart is vocal & lyric forward. From the Sunday morning hymn swell of opener “A Lamb, A Dove,” to the driving swing of “Baby’s Got the Blues,” & the late night, red wine country of “When You Come For Me.” McEntire enlists all her talented musical friends on this effort. There are co-writes with the legendary Kathleen Hanna of Bikini Kill (whom McEntire credits with helping her find her individual voice), bgvs from Amy Ray (Indigo Girls), Angel Olsen, & Tift Merrit, & inspired guitar work from William Tyler & Durham favorite Phil Cook!
Through it all, McEntire stays true to the thread that made Mount Moriah’s “How To Dance” one of my 2016 favs. Lionheart exudes the smells & scenery of North Carolina and reads like a map at times, referencing points from Stoney Creek to the Green River Gorge. Some of my favorite songs written over the last five years (or ever) have a very strong (& often specific) idea of place. If country music is going to representative of the country that I want to live in, it’s going to be sung by people like Heather McEntire.  A powerful queer southern woman; vulnerable & brave, a true Lionheart. 
       “You’ll find me in the hollow, dosing anything that might / Make the map look any smaller, give me a dog in the fight / So call it off or call it God, call it anything you like / Do you see it in my eyes? / A levee on the rise, do you see it? / The tellin’ ain’t told gently, so pay your tab & pay your dues / The dogwood & the chicory & a silent wood stove flue / Your baby’s got the blues just like you...”
iZCALLi   /   IV
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       I was late to the party on Izcalli (a band from my own city!) and when I found them, it was magical, I think they were playing an opening set for Jessica Hernandez & The Deltas at Lost Lake and I probably stumbled in late from PS Lounge or Tommy’s Thai to shredding electric guitar & ska, latin funk, & pure Led Zepplin Rock & Roll. Frontman Miguel Avina was howling & stomping in Freddy Mercury-meets-Mariachi white pants, his long curly hair everywhere, all energy. I was immediately hooked. Calling them my favorite local band and finally getting to put them on this end of the year list. Izcalli joins some pretty good “local band” company here on linernotes&seasons. From Nina De Freitas’ EP last year; Yawpers, Covenhoven, & Rateliff in 2015, to Isakov & Covenhoven in 2013 & The Lumineers all the way back in 2012! Izcalli has been playing around Denver for 13 years and have slowly built up enough of a following to headline the Bluebird Theater last year. Their fourth album (aptly titled IV) comes out swinging and showcases plenty of heavy power chord riffs, violin, horn, & songs in both English & Spanish. Their heavier, more classic rock influenced songs (”Lightning Red” & “Eso Velocidad”) absolutely explode with fiery lead guitar and inspired drumming. When they dial it back and let their Mexican influences show through, like on the eerily crunchy, violin led “Quite de Mas” and the woozy saxophone breakdown of “Solo Se Morir,” they showcase depth and a real songwriting ability. There is an almost Muse-like thunder to the monstrous organ riff of “A New Lie” and closer “Si Estoy Contigo” sends everybody out dancing. With influences from all over (most notably their homeland Mexico City) & a live show that’s not to be missed, Izcalli embodies everything I think of when I think of a true Denver band. 
       “A frozen heart in me turned out to be my one way home / I swear I’ll leave, I’ll drive myself down to Mexico...”
JANELLE MONAE   /   Dirty Computer
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       Dirty Computer is my favorite album of 2018. Much like my favorite album last year (Lorde’s Melodrama) no one was as simultaneously honest & excavating in their personal songwriting; while still writing such absolutely shredding club bangers, as Janelle Monae. Dirty Computer acts as a coming out party of sorts for the 32 year Kansas City-ian, although, to be fair, her first two albums had already scored her Grammy nominations and the stamp of approval from Prince, Eryakah Badu, & Michelle Obama. Her debut The ArchAndroid and her followup The Electric Lady, found her creating elaborate alter egos, protest songs, and complex, critically acclaimed song cycles about life as a black woman in America. With Dirty Computer she is able to hold multiple titles at once. Schizophrenically on top of her game, tying all her alter egos together with stellar production, monster vocals, and some of the best, most interesting pop songs since...well...maybe since Prince. From the Brian Wilson assisted eerie sci-fi sweetness of stage setting opener “Dirty Computer,” she lets loose on some of her most fun, live-a-little anthems “Crazy, Classic Life,” and “Take a Byte.” Deeply personal, political, & inspiring “Django Jane” is stunning, & sets the stage for mega back-to-back singles “Pynk” & “Make You Feel.” Songs of my (and everybody else’s) Summer for sure. “I Got The Juice,” is light & bouncy, & personal favorite “I Like That” is rebellious & rides an immediately memorable instrumental into one helluva vocal take from Monae. She makes a political statement in closing with the anthem “Americans,” (anybody else think this one especially sounds like a lost Prince track?) but her strength is her ability to be both personal & political; a true diva with a purpose. These songs are Janelle creating and sounding exactly how she wants, pushing the limits of what a superstar can do, Her show at the Paramount in July was a highlight for me, and Dirty Computer is hands down my album of the year. 
       “Box office numbers & they doin’ outstanding, running out of space in my damn bandwagon / Remember when they use to said I look too mannish? / Black girl magic yall can’t stand it...”
LIZA ANNE   /   Fine But Dying
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       In a year where I seemed to gravitate to albums & songs about living in, and growing through, mental health issues; Liza Anne’s blistering (and epically titled!) Fine But Dying was definitely a top five album for me. A gifted songwriter, Dying finds Anne finally letting it out with a heavy band, a light touch, & a deep dive into the insecurities & struggles that seemed to be (gulp) some of the same ones I was going through this year. Songs about conversations, relationships (both romantic & platonic), and most importantly, about examining & improving yourself. No one on this list unpacks, observes, and mines their own heart & mind as well or as deeply as Anne does across these 11 tracks. When she really cuts loose, like in the ballistic breakdown of “Kid Gloves,” the fuzzy crunch of “Get By,” or the spiraling, swirling (& also epically titled!) “I Love You, But I Need Another Year” she shines. Fine But Dying is wise beyond its years and a no-holds-barred, place-in-time look at mental health & how we should all be addressing our issues & working things out. Her show at Globe Hall here in Denver back in April was cathartic, thoughtful, & one of my favorite of this year for sure. Yay for fearless songwriters, Yay for rock & roll. Fuck yeah Liza Anne!
       “I ran once, took my flight across the ocean / I thought if I could make my way across the sea I’d find a place / Now I’m swallowed up by a city that doesn’t give a fuck / To whether I am up on time / Or whether if I am, well...alive / & I’m so good - getting too good at hiding / Too good at keeping to myself that I’m spiraling...”
MESHELL NDEGEOCELLO   /   Ventriloquism
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       I think it was “Atomic Dog 2017″ that first caught my ear at some point last year. I didn’t know Meshell Ndegeocello, but I knew that what I was hearing was classic. The off-kilter guitar strums slithering into that bass drop, finally settling into a steady groove, that melody appearing (seemingly out of nowhere) into a rolling, & instantly recognizable chorus. Next thing I know I’m googling George Clinton and off into an 80′s funk youtube rabbit hole. A covers album to stand up to any other covers album, Ndegeocello has a masterpiece on her hands in both song selection & creativity. In a year where she turned 50, the sneakily titled Ventriloquism is her 12th studio album, Inspired by listening to oldies radio on car rides to her childhood home, influenced by Prince & Neil Young; Ventriloquism is a super smooth revamp of 80s & 90s R&B. What Ndegeocello does so seamlessly on Ventriloquism is take these songs and make them flow as a part of a whole. There is light in the darkness here. There are threads of continuation here. An appreciation for those who came before, those who paved the way. Ndegeocello is a true artist and these reinterpretations not only nod to classic songs & artists, but dig out their own little important niche in 2019. 
       “Sometimes it snows in April / Sometimes I feel so bad, so bad / Sometimes I wish life was never ending / & all the good things they say, never last / Springtime was always my favorite time of year / A time for lovers holding hands in the rain...”
MIYA FOLICK   /   Premonitions
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       Every year I wait till the last minute (and beyond!) to finish this list. I write it up in November & December, agonizing & filling out what I think are my favorite albums (18 this time!) of the year. I enjoy whittling the list down to a manageable number, but I also enjoy reading everyone else’s lists; finding new finds & hearing what other people liked. Then, sometime in the middle of December, I am knocked out by something I missed over all the year of listening & reading. This year it is MIYA FOLICK! I was given a wintry new year’s mix of goodbye 2018 (and F*** you!) tunes from my partner (which I will probably post & write about sometime as soon as I finish posting this because it is goooood), and track 9 of that spotify mix. Bouncy horns, a killer beat, & lyrics that cut right to me but leave me smiling. Rhyming “self home” with “cellphone”?! Singing about leaving the party?! Yesssss!. This is for me! On deeper listens, Premonitions is a goddamn masterpiece. Starting slowly & melodically, openers “Thingamajig” and the title track are captivating, then it unexpectedly explodes into 80′s dance bangers about half way through. Most of the album is deeply personal and self examining, finding Folick digging into to her own weaknesses & fears, without always settling on answers. She is vulnerable yet grand; part Lorde, part Florence, part Stevie NIcks, part Regina Spektor...All Miya. At its core, Premonitions celebrates life, celebrates the little victories. If you want to know/hear what that sounds like, maybe I should let you read from Miya’s bandcamp page...
       “Premonitions begins with ‘Thingamajig’ -- something you can't quite recall the name of, but you know exactly what it means and what it feels like. Like the pull of desire that comes with not quite remembering fully. The magnetism of something just on the tip of your tongue. I wanted the album to feel like that thing.
I think a lot about about memory-making as an act of creation, the words we use to describe a memory give shape to and sometimes mutate the memory itself. I believe that the way we choose to describe the events of our lives is not only a means of creative fulfillment, but an absolutely vital part of creating the world we want to live in. When we are dishonest in the present, we create a dishonest future. When we are honest in the present, we create a more honest future. I wanted this album to be the vehicle for a hopeful, truthful, generous, and loving world. I tried not to posture or pretend. I wrote about my life as I've seen it and how I'd like to see it, as both memory and premonition.
The producers, Justin Raisen and Yves Rothman, and I spent months collecting organic sounds to fill the world of this record. We threw away everything that felt false and tried to keep the soul of each song alive. I hope Premonitions gives you comfort and joy. I hope it feels like all the mysterious details of your lives, all your massive and mundane glories. I hope it reminds you that there is beauty in the details. Rainbows in your sprinklers. Drinking water from a hose. The way it felt to make a friend for the first time. Locking yourself in a bathroom to avoid everyone. Dancing until your shins burn. Leaving your phone in an Uber and making your best friend drive you an hour away to knock on a stranger's door after locating it on Find My Phone. Losing a friend. Losing yourself. Remembering...”
MT. JOY   /   Mt. Joy
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I had almost finished making this list and nearly forgot about an album that marked a month-plus in the Spring when I listened to almost nothing else! Philly by way of LA’s Mt. Joy debut with an album that blends sunny California folk & smoothed out east coast pop-emo, into easy listening, easy singing indie rock. Named after a mountain in Valley Forge National Park (SE Pennsylvania); Mt. Joy’s songs similarly find geographic touch points across the US, making this a true road trip record. Multiple California references (San Fran, Mulholland, Hollywood, the ocean), make their way down to New Orleans, and end up on the east coast (”blood on the streets in Baltimore” & “the beaches of Chincoteague”). Without breaking any new musical ground, Mt. Joy sounds comfortable & confident, and their songs play bigger & stickier than your average radio friendly pop-saturated-folk. When the title track hits its festival ready build (”you can’t stop us, feel like Ziggy Stardust”) you’ll have a hard time not rolling down your window and singing along. “Way up over Mt, Joy. Where everyone’s free now. To move how they feel now.”
       “Your life will change straight out of the blue / The clouds in your mind just passing through / Image the horses when you set ‘em free / Go tear down the beaches of Chincoteague...”
NONAME   /   Room 25 (& Song 31)
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       Room 25 kicks in innocently enough: smoothly humming wordless voices, steady drums, & jazzy piano flourishes. Like a lazy Sunday morning. Noname (Chicago’s 27 year old Fatimah Warner) introduces herself with a laid back, matter-of-fact, stream of consciousness “maybe this is the album you listen to in your car when you’re driving home late at night, really questioning every god, religion...” But then she says something that should make you pay attention. 
“Nah. Actually this is for me.” 
That creative confidence. That freedom, defines the rest of her album. No matter how much critical acclaim Room 25 racks up (I saw this album on a ton of end of the year lists!), no matter how downright fun & laugh out loud funny her breakneck rhymes are, this one is for Noname. I mean, you can still download (aka OWN...like for your ipod!) the whole album on bandcamp FOR FREE! Following in Chance’s footsteps, it’s free mp3s for people like meeee! Raised in Chicago’s slam poetry scene, she dabbles here in downtempo, smoothed out, futuristic jazz & soul. All the while she is unapologetically herself. Her words tripping over each other, too many thoughts, too much energy, too much passion to hold in. A clear blockbuster talent. One of my favorite new finds from last year’s Eaux Claires festival, her late afternoon set up on the hill was radiant & joyful. The artwork I used here is from her early 2019 single “Song 31,” as she has pledged to change the official Room 25 cover art, due to assault charges leveled in October against the artist who did the original cover. “I do not and will not support abusers, and I will always stand up for victims & believe their stories.” Noname said, and she has been proven to be as vocal in her personal life as she is on tape. As she says in the uplifting “Ace...” 
“Globalization is scary, and fuckin’ is fantastic” And yall still thought a bitch couldn’t rap huh?...
       “When labels ask me to sign, say ‘my name don’t exist’ / So many names don’t exist / Moved into Inglewood & the trauma came with the rent / Only worldly possession I have is life / Only room that I died in was 25... 
Medicine’s overtaxed, no name look like you / No name for private corporations to send emails to / Cuz when we walk into heaven, nobody’s name gonna’ exist / Just boundless movement for joy, nakedness, radiance...”
RAINBOW KITTEN SURPRISE   /   How To: Friend, Love, Freefall
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       Rainbow Kitten Surprise made one of my five favorite albums this year (and probably the one that I sang along to in the car more than any other!) Imagine Modest Mouse growing up in North Carolina, in the 2010′s, writing smart, anti-lumineers-imagine dragons tunes, and going on to play arenas & rock clubs alike. This Boone, NC (pop. 17,000) five piece crank out catchy pop rock tunes; equal parts funky basslines, ooohs & ahhhs, and deceptively clever lyrics about religion, the south, and relationships both platonic & romantic. Huge single “Fever Pitch” rides rolling drums, background whoops, and finds charismatic frontman Sam Melo languidly recounting his religious upbringing and sing-rapping about getting to know you better. Other standouts include the acoustic blues (and Aha-Shake-era-Kings of Leon reminiscent!) “Painkillers,” the “Moon & Antarctica” rattletrap sing-song of “Possum Queen,” and the laugh-out-loud funny breakneck alternative pace of “Matchbox.” But it is song of the year contender “Hide” where Melo lays bare his feelings about growing up gay in a deeply religious south, when you get a peek at what Surprises these Rainbow Kittens are capable of. What starts as a bouncy love number takes a turn into some deep songwriting with “I’m running from a place where they don’t make people like me, I keep the car running, I keep my bags packed. I don’t wanna’ leave, just don’t wanna’ leave last.” This is Fruit Bats’ “Soon-to-be Ghost Town” written by someone who’s lived it. RKS packages it all up as emotional anthems, dancey-catchy choruse that stick, & an album that-while serious, is so damn fun to sing along to. They’ll be at Red Rocks next Summer so come hop on the bandwagon and get to know your new favorite band!
       “You’re a master of passive-aggressive magic tricks like “that’s not the card that I would’ve picked, but it’s your life to live like how you’d like to live...’”
SUN JUNE   /   Years
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       Sun June’s debut record Years is an album that I never expected to be on this list, but one that pushed its way into my heart, ears, and mind a lot over the early Summer. I kept comparing it to Leif Vollebekk’s gorgeously haunting 2017 release Twin Solitude that made it on last year's list in that it managed to be rhythmically funky & interesting while being mostly SO quiet. Even the more “upbeat” numbers; from the gorgeously, golden swing of “Young,” to the steady backbeat of “Baby Blue” keep their composure meticulously. The writing is transfixing on Years and the band is so tight, with every member adding just the right amount of soft sound. I tried to explain it to somebody as music you have to “squint to hear.” It sounds good in the background, all sweet & rolling. But better up close, turned up in headphones. All together & bright. This is an album I would listen to sleepily, on my way home from work, driving Colfax in the first light of dawn at 5 in the morning. Sun June’s lack of an internet presence is refreshing (is there ANYWHERE I can find the lyrics for this album??!!), I think they’re from Texas, and I don’t think they’ve even played a show in Colorado yet! Regardless, Years is tied together with a quietly tight rhythm section, and Laura Colwell’s wispy vocals, grabbing at the edges of my brain, calmy insisting “Four in the morning, I could get used to this...”
       “I was almost always leaving / Looking for the reason / Bedside hospital daylight / I go with the Southern mountains / Down the 405, I’m coming tell me you don’t deserve this / I was young...”
TIERRA WHACK   /   Whack World
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       I love me a good concept album, but even I would’ve thought that the idea of 15 one minute songs(complete with video accompaniment) making up an entire album, would be a tough sell. Whack World makes good on an innovative concept, delivering something breezy, catchy, & lasting, and making Tierra Whack one of my favorite new finds of 2018! My little sister showed her to me on a “Get-your-ass-to-the-gym” playlist and “Fruit Salad” was immediately stuck in my head for weeks. Mostly down-tempo, Whack is clearly a witty lyricist and creative mind, and at 23, a game changer in the music scene. Also an effortlessly cool, musical, badass. With almost no choruses, this is an album you can listen to over and over (and throw any tracks in mixes) without any clear singles. The bouncy gospel-tinged “Pet Cemetery” has hand claps & dog barks, and is followed immediately by the laugh-out-loud vocals of “Fuck Off.” Whack never takes herself too seriously (so many off the wall and laugh out loud funny vocals!) and the Philly native shows that one minute songs can turn a lot of heads and end up on a lot of end of the year best album lists! Whack World!
       “Crispy clean and crisp & clean / For the dough I go nuts like Krispy Kreme / Music is in my Billie genes / Can’t no one ever come between yeah / Don’t worry about me I’m doing good, I’m doing great, alright...”
TYPHOON   /   Offerings
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       It seemed like a lifetime since Typhoon released their sophomore knockout, masterpiece album White Lighter back in 2013. I’ve grown a lifetime since, experienced everything since. In the first few weeks of January 2018, out of the darkness, out of the silence: came something darker, weirder, but still magical and at its core, celebratory. Typhoon is one of my all-time favorite bands, one of my favorite live shows, and frontman Kyle Morton writes about memory & loss, life & death, better than anybody in the game. With Offerings they have dropped the peppy horns, slimmed down to (only!) seven members, and zeroed in on the heavy, spiraling folk-rock that hearkens back a little to Bright Eyes or The Decemberists, Broken Social Scene or Arcade Fire. As a loose concept album, Offerings explores in four movements (Floodplans, Flood, Reckoning, & Afterparty) what happens to a mind stripped of memory. Or (side quest/plot/twist) a world willfully forgetting its history. From the hushed chanting that explodes into huge string swells, drums, and shouts of opener “Wake” to the rhythmic, glowing build of the 8 minute “Empricist,” to the mystical picking and ruminating of “Algernon” the first movement could almost stand as an album of its own. The rest of the album unravels at equal parts slow reflection (”Mansion” & “Beachtowel”) and sweeping indie rock (”Remember” & “Darker”). Although a lengthy (and at times not easy) listen, I think Offerings will go down as one of the most ambitious rock records of the last few years. 
       “& so the light fades / It’s still your birthday / So blow out your past lives like they’re candles on a cake...”
VALLEY MAKER   /   Rhododendron
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       There is a mysticism buried somewhere in the emotive vocals & break-in-the-clouds writing of North Carolina by way of Washington State’s Valley Maker. Austin Crane is the singular voice behind the Valley Maker project, painting time & space on a dark, slippery canvas, and hiding complex truths in the rhythmic tides of Rhododendron. This ground has been tread before; by countless folk singers & prophets, wailing of death, dark magic, & the myriad mysteries of time, but Valley Maker understand their place in the linear and bring a modern take to ancient stories. Part War on Drugs-highway-drone (check the double yellow rattle of “Light on the Ground”), part Ben Howard’s-foggy-British-countryside (”Beautiful Birds Flying”), Crane writes songs that stick. They claw and seep their way into skin, into veins, and haunt in a way that echoes of the past. This is songwriting as a conduit. These stories are Crane’s, but they are older; tales told since religion begin. From the first lines of the roiling, dark sky opener (”time is just a game I play / it’s written on the ocean’s waves / circling beyond my brain / something I could not contain.”) to the uncertain give & take of the earthy “Seven Signs” (”I’m cutting in line but I haven’t decided...”) the writing is equal to the musicianship Crane and his backing band clearly have in spades. With Chaz Bear (Toro Y Moi) providing stellar percussion and Amy FItchette (who I was lucky enough to see sing with VM at the Doug Fir in Portland) lending absolutely haunting, otherworldly harmonies, Crane has depth beyond his strange tunings and bleep & bloop electric forests. Through it all there is a steady rhythm to the darkness and like in “Baby, In Your Kingdom” when he tops a wonderfully simple, acoustic walk-down with “Baby are you satisfied? Take a decade, take a lifetime, I know we’re always on a one way street...” there is a timeless beauty even in the mystery. Oh, and saxophone. Rhododendron has some great saxophone. 
       “Baby in the next life / I can touch you, I can ride the light / Goddamn I wan’t where I thought I’d be / 29. Burn the world around me & I hide / Baby in your kingdom / Sink my roots in, I’m a tall tree / I know, wind is gonna blow again / I know, when I am with you...I am known...”
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