#just looking at the school calender terrifies me

[kitkatyes]

remembering just how fucked school is gonna be this year omg

[puppetmaster13u]

 Lol, yeah it is getting… very long lol. Was gonna ask if you wanted to split to a new post but you beat me to it. 

 Pfft, people are gossiping about Wayne making a 17 year old CEO, while the people in other companies that have to meet with Wayne Enterprises are sobbing in relief. No you don’t understand that kid is the only normal person in the entire company- even if they’re not exactly right lmao. Let them live in denial. 

 Gosh I feel bad for Young Justice (not lol) the first time Tim (probably in a narcolepsy and insomnia-fueled rush) brings one of the living snacks to the mountain. Oh hey Robin is back! With a lobster in his hand? And some prawns but they’re more focused on the lobster- oh god he just bit its head off- And poor Tim has no clue what they’re freaking out about in his sleep-deprived haze. Oh, did they want one? (NO ROB WE REALLY DONT- Kaldur confiscates the bucket of live prawns and hugs them to his chest looking traumatized) 

 Oh you’re so right with Gotham knowing not to do big parties on Outsider holidays because of things like Calender Man lol. Bet the Outsider Galas include one for celebrating the GCPD (really how much they weeded out corrupted officers) and a simple spring one. Definitely an aquarium one that officially is to raise awareness for marine life, but everyone in Gotham knows it’s just an excuse to terrify Outsiders lol. I love the idea of most of the rogues being chill after a while. Like it’s an unspoken thing that they know who the Bats are- Harley went to medical school with Bruce! Harvey and him were childhood friends! He grew up seeing Cobblepot at galas before his parents death. They all know to play nice during these. Mostly. They’re still rogues & terrorize people but it’s Gotham, it’s like enrichment in their opinion. Except Joker. No one likes him. Or them. Depends on if it’s the continuity of there being three jokers or just one. 

 Helena is just a lil baby, she just took a lil nibble! Bruce rolls his eyes at everyone freaking out because really, it’s just a bite. Practically a paper cut, calm down. 

 Oh my god victorian-style punk, that’d be so popular in Gotham you’re right. It’s a mishmash of victorian, modern, 70s, 30s, 90s, practically every time period in the city, mixed or not. You think Discowing came out of nowhere? No people still dress like that and it always confuses visitors. You’d think everyone would be wearing drab and gray clothes but no. There’s so much color during the day. 

 You’re so right about Bruce having a wedding painting. They even used glow in the dark and reflective paint so if you shine a flashlight at it the eyes flash back, a rather common thing in Gotham to visitors’ horror. It almost looks like a fae or siren painting, their hair shimmering around them and bits of skin glittering with scales and finery if you look closely. Honestly the painting industry in Gotham is going so strong lol. 

 @midavalanche asked about things like plumbers and the types of jobs that require a lot of water around you. And @rulerofdumbassery is right with the full coverage near hazmat idea lol. Outsiders think it’s because of how toxic Gotham waters are, along with the fact the city is canonically full of lead still, but no it’s so they don’t use their legs lol. Y’all are also correct on water being an import. Gotham surprisingly doesn’t have a lot of imports, which people don’t realize because by all logic the city shouldn’t be able to support itself. Should be doesn’t take in aquatic curses that start taking hold the moment you see the city as Home. But Gothamites can drink water without changing (as long as they don’t spill). They might have hints of their other form from it- maybe ears a hint too pointed or sharp canines out or eye shine particular bright- but otherwise it’d be like them changing from the water inside them. And humans are like, 60% water. Lungs alone consist of about 83% water to flesh ratio. Dishwashing and other jobs definitely use long gloves and it’s habit for everyone to check for tears or damage- most people assume it's from all the rogues with chemical weapons but no they’d be pretty wrong lol. 

 Random unrelated thing but I think Gotham arts & crafts includes creating mini grotesques & gargoyles as good luck charms. Bruce has an entire cabinet of ones from his kids that they’re honestly embarrassed about because it includes their first attempts but he loves them. 

OH! Pfft, poor Dick when he first moves in with Bruce & is fostered, because I bet it’d totally slip their mind to tell the kid about the curse because it’s been in effect for like, at least a year at that point and no longer registers as something strange per se. There’s more pressing things at the time. Bruce gets woken up at 4am by 9 year old Dick running into his room freaking out while waving a scale-speckled arm because he spilled water. (Yes he knows Bruce told him to use bottled water but that’s so much work!) 

 Oh poor single dad Bruce when his kids are developing their fangs and adult canines and they’re using him as a chew toy. OH MY GOD! JASON’S DEATH! JUST REALIZED! Bruce is in good standing and in a good relationship with the League. Or at least in contact enough with them thanks to the Curse and the Al Ghuls canonically having had magic users in their bloodline. (We also have canon comic panels of Ras telling Bruce he grieved for Jason’s death as well) I bet Talia informs him like, not exactly immediately, but once she’s gotten Jason’s brain damage and other things healed via the Pit. The fact that Jason sees all that he was buried with, the unspoken love and grief that is there definitely helps with his anger. But I bet they at least called or video called while he was with the League while he was figuring out how to deal with the Pit Rage. Because that shit is a chronic condition, it doesn’t just… go away. It’s part of him now, and he has to learn how to live with it- but is that not what grief is? 

 Ras sending assassins after Bruce’s allies: If he’s not going to join my League and makes his own I must make sure they’re worthy of his time! I’ve even ordered the Shadows not to kill! It’s only some slight maiming attempts, I don’t see what the problem with that is! (Meanwhile Selina & Talia on a date: Hm I feel like something has happened…) 

Edit: I found something that has some Gotham fashion vibes here on tumblr lol

@puppetmaster13u

It was getting too long so...

Okay this was VERY long but I love it all. So much food, and very much alive when possible. And yeah they're very much venomous.

... oh gods you're making me hungry for food that isn't even safe even if it existed 😂

Also, I feel like Ivy's plants would, ah, sometimes move if they don't like where they're currently planted. If your neighbor is taking better care of your flowers then you might wake up and see them over there, you just learn to deal. 😅

Ooooo I love that. And I feel like, to Aquaman, it would be like speaking in Pig Latin + Esperanto mixed with the heaviest Scottish accent ever. He can tell it's words, but he can't really understand it.

Also, Bruce singing lullabies to the kids, just imagine. Jason or Dick or anyone shows up having a panic attack and Bruce starts calming them down. First in English, then aquatic, and slowly morphing into a lullaby.

Oh definitely, those other heroes will be struggling. Almost feel bad for them.

The medical professionals must be paid well, and Gotham University probably ends up with a very heavy metal degree that most people might assume is for vets not human doctors. 😂

Oh my gods Helena yes. Poor Supes, and I love the JL freaking out. Also, her bottle HAS to be a little pink, because of the blood that's probably in it. Also, I imagine they're born with weak venom, and drinking their parents' blood lets them process and produce stronger toxins.

I bet Dick and the other kids probably have the same weird food habits and their teammates aren't really sure what they're supposed to do. Sometimes Tim will fall asleep in the middle of lunch and whoever is in the same room will get to see his lunch run away. Probably a bit unnerving. 🤣

I like the idea they might do them for 'major holidays'. Not on the holiday, because Calendar Man (on the holidays is Gotham only, they fully expect him to show up, he's practically invited without saying anything outright), and that's the Outsider Galas. Not just one a year, but not like 20 of em either.

And yeah, aside from runaway food, Tim is pretty good with outsiders. He probably wouldn't eat 'normal' (normal for Gotham anyway) around his team if he didn't trust em or something either. This is probably another reason Bruce made him CEO. 😅

Yesss uncanny valley please. Everyone is freaking out internally, and yet at the same time they can tell they're safe... for now. Servers doing their job, and Gothamites not revealing anything, unless someone does something wrong.

Yesss the rogues. Honestly I just want an AU where the rogues are basically family.

||=====||=====||

"Oh yeah that's aunts Harley and Ivy, they can be fun but don't drink the wine."

Then (controversial I know but also heavily depends on the AU)

"That's Uncle J, we're on tense terms with him but he's got the best drinks if you don't mind letting a bit."

Maybe

"There's not-dad Harv-"

"he's Uncle T right now-"

"-that's Uncle T, don't gamble with him or ask about his coin collection unless you want to stay a while."

Or

"Don't mind Uncle Cobbles, he's a little competitive with B about their family histories, but other than that and birds he's pretty calm."

Even

"Yeah don't mind Uncle John, he's probably more nervous than you are, doing spook him and you'll be fine."

||=====||=====||

Yesss so many photos.

Also, there's two wedding photos. One he shows to outsiders, the other is up at the major as a painting and is the same wedding photo but underwater.

... Ras don't bother your son-in-law's friends please, they have enough on their plate. Seriously, stop. 😂😅

Bruce probably confuses everyone even more by knowing the assassins.

Oooo yes. Sharks, aquariums, oh my. I love all the animals you mentioned too.

... so I randomly looked up 'Victorian modern punk' because why not and...

This was the top result.

[mvnvgedmischief]

unremarkable days.

summary: sirius black is trying to be a good man, a good brother, a good person. Sirius has a steady job designing book covers for a publishing house, a flat he never leaves, and a traumatized brother who was just removed from the custody of his parents. All in all, it's wildly unremarkable.

chapter:  4/?

characters: sirius black, regulus black, wolfstar, background marauders

tags: tw: canon compliant abuse, child abuse, social services, abuse

words: 3. 8 k

read it on ao3 here

read the last chapter here

Sirius knew that work was going to be high stress all day. He felt sick to his stomach, thinking about the way he would continuously have to talk to people, when all he wanted was some peace. He wanted downtime. Time when he didn’t have to think about how he needed his paycheck to put food on the table, clothes on his brother’s back, pay bills to keep his lights on, wifi for homework. Regulus occupied his thoughts at all times, protecting him was Sirius’s only priority these days. He didn’t have time for anything else. Not his friends, not his interests, not music. Nothing could come between his focus and his brother’s wellbeing, because if it did, Sirius would never forgive himself. The consequences were too dire. So instead, he just wished for downtime that wouldn’t come, and prayed for the weekend to approach even faster. 

The weekend, when he could finally sleep again, albeit not well. The weekend, when he had the time to take a breath, even if it was only brief. Because his weekends were also spent finding ways to better equip his apartment for his younger brother, going to long grocery runs so Regulus had lunch to take to school, meal prepping all of the things he couldn’t bring himself to eat for dinner. He was definitely tired of all of the ways his mind was spiraling out, he didn’t have the time. He didn’t fault Regulus for it, it wasn’t the teen's presence in his life that was causing all this stress. It really was his own fault. A bit of crying at that first hearing had given Walburga and Orion the satisfaction of a victory over him at that first hearing, and they seemed to crave more of that chaos. They wanted to watch their children suffer, and this was how they chose to do that. So instead he spiraled in the privacy of his own home, because he could practically hear the words they burned into his mind whenever he saw them, and feel the ache of old beatings. 

But it was only Thursday, and that meant he still had to do this all day, and  then get berated by the rest of the team for not attending their weekly bonding happy hour. If he was lucky,  no  one would ask him to go. He knew he should be less terrified of them asking, most of the people on his team were his friends. There was simply the question of Remus, and Sirius didn’t have the time to be thinking about him in the first place. 

He didn’t have time to think about  the way his hair curled just the right way to fall into his eyes when he slept, or the way his caramel freckles made him look sunkist. He didn’t have time to think about the  pink scars that ran down Remus’s face or how they got there. He definitely didn;’t have time to think of the comfort  of his hand combing through Sirius’s own mop of unruly curls. So instead, he needs to  put  all of that out  of his mind. It wasn’t going to help him do well at work. It wasn’t going to solve his problems. He didn’t have the  time for this, nor did he have the emotional bandwidth. Perhaps that was why Sirius was conveniently avoiding the idea that he had asked Remus on a date. With some luck, Remus would think he was just an asshole who ghosted him. That was definitely complicated by the fact that they worked together, that he couldn’t just disappear. He wanted to, he really did, because there was simply no time. 

He set up his deliverables as though he had made tons of them, because his employment in this company  rode on it. Just two months ago, he was pegged to be promoted within the next two cycles, and now he could barely hold on to his sanity enough to handle his workload. He was so fucking tired, and he had so much on his plate. He needed to mentally prepare himself for the long day of meetings ahead of him. He had no true motivation to do his job right now, all he knew was that his exhaustion was no excuse. He knew that his boss, Alice, was giving him a whole lot of leeway right now. She was probably doing more than she should to help him. Being a mentor on the senior design team didn’t mean she needed to keep tabs on his personal life and pick up his slack. 

“Sirius–” 

When Sirius focused back into the meeting he was calling into, it occurred to him that they’re talking to him. So he did what he always did, blamed it on a shoddy connection. 

“Oh, sorry, can you repeat that? My audio cut out.” 

“Remus was saying that some of  the poems could probably use illustrations, and he was wondering if you had any ideas on which ones needed it.” 

“Thanks, Peter.” Sirius was glad that he knew the people on this team, that Peter and James were as close to him as anyone could be. Because otherwise, he’d probably be fucked. 

“So I was looking through them, and I was thinking Bite, Magick, and Love I could probably use larger scale illustrations. But at the same time, we don’t want to crowd the book. How attached are you to the current order or page arrangement?” 

It felt too close, but he was lucky that he had at least read the titles of some of the poems in the first half of the book. Sirius knew Remus didn’t actually know what his level of involvement was. He thought it was just doodles, but Sirius would be responsible for presenting everything from kearning and font choice within the pages, to illustration and cover art to the design team. He was integral to the success of this book as a product, and he  needed to start acting like it. 

“I’m pretty attached.” Remus sounded cold to Sirius, and he wondered what exactly he had done wrong in this meeting. And yet, he didn’t have time to think on it. He needed to keep things moving, keep getting valuable information out of the author. Hook up be damned, Sirius needed this book to actually get off the ground. 

 “Okay, well we should get a meeting on the calender to discuss. What poems and what scale of illustrations you want–” 

“Shouldn’t you be deciding what the illustrations look like and the logistics of those. Isn’t that what you  get paid for?” Remus really wasn’t making this easy on Sirius. But he had dealt with bigger demons and divas then whatever this attitude was. So he put on a light and airy smile, one they’d never know didn’t reach his eyes over the low quality webcam and nodded. 

“If you’d like to take a hands off approach with the design work, that can absolutely be arranged. But in the case of a fledgling project with a new author, the design team, myself included, really hope to prioritize your artistic license so that we can get a better sense of your vision for your literature, should Quill move forward with other publications in the future.  We can provide a completely in-house service, with as much input as you feel necessary during the design process, and deliver collateral towards the end of the project when final edits are done, if you would prefer, Mister Lupin.” 

Sirius practically wanted to scream. He needed Remus to stop fucking with his job, with his livelihood. He couldn’t lose this project. He needed all of the billable hours he could get if he was going to justify the overtime he needed in order to provide for his brother. This was ridiculous. But his clinical and polite answer must have thrown Remus, because he didn’t get much more attitude out of him. The back and forth had ended. So instead, Sirius pulled up his deliverables for the week, which included new iterations for the covers, and twelve illustrations for the three poems he had mentioned. 

He noticed the way Remus looked at his drawings, like he was pained by whatever his thoughts were, and Sirius wants to scream that he’s under no obligation to think that they’re good. But then he remembers that Remus seemed to be nitpicking on purpose, based on his critique of the design system itself. Sirius didn’t have the time to deal with that level of petty, just because he hadn’t been answering. He was too busy. He had too much on his plate. So instead he continues his presentation. 

“I don’t like any of these. Maybe you should start over.” Remus sounded vindictive, even mean. Like he was doing this out of spite.  Sirius could feel his heart drop in that moment. He didn’t want to start over. He didn’t have the time. 

“What do you not like about them?” Sirius is trying to salvage his work while he can. 

“The vibe is off.”

“Oh, is there something specific that throws it off or...” Sirius trailed off, wondering what exactly he needed to change. 

“No, it’s the whole thing. All of them are just off.” 

Sirius needed to think quick on his feet. He didn’t have the time to start from scratch, so he pulled up his original thumbnails that he had discussed with Remus. 

“These are the original sketches we discussed. I moved forward with the ones we talked about. I’m happy to rework those sketches,” no, he wasn’t. “But if there’s another sketch that you think would fit your vision better, please let me know.” He felt like he was pleading with Remus not to hate his artwork. He’d be a liar if he said it wasn’t a blow to his self esteem to hear that everything that he did was bad. 

“No, I would suggest you start over.” 

Sirius nodded, his mind immediately whirring with ways he could start over and re-design this project. He really didn’t want to do it. He didn’t want to do hundreds of thumbnails to get set on thirty, only to be destroyed in a meeting again. Especially when Remus seemed so excited about all of his illustrations before the meetings. It felt like too much. He didn’t have the energy for this kind of behavior. 

Luckily, Marlene directed the conversation away from Sirius’s work. The rest of the call went on without a hitch, like the only person who’s work Remus had a problem with was Sirius’s. He knew that it was more likely for Remus to have a problem with him, because design work was usually something an artist thought of as easy; however, this felt calculated and cold. If Sirius had been avoiding Remus before, it definitely wasn’t about to get better. So instead, he listened to the end of the meeting, and started the project all over again. He could do this. It was an unremarkable critique. It didn’t matter.

[missmage52]

Excerpt from “Dreaming of a Liar: Kokichi Ouma x Reader” (slight NSFW)

I’ve been writing a fanfiction on wattpad, and this is an excerpt from chapter four that I’m proud of. It’s a Kokichi Ouma x Reader (female). 

Basically Monokuma has gone to the good side and brings all the Danganronpa Characters (from the main three games plus Komaru, excluding Twogami and seperating Hajime Hinata and Izuru Kamakura into seperate entities) and puts them all in one class, but doesn’t hold a killing game for once! 

But in order to have a perfect 50 student total, he needs one more student. So he takes a person from the real world and brings them into the class to learn alongside the students! But it’s while your sleeping, so when you meet an interesting supreme leader, is it really reality, or just a dream?

There’s a specific scene that gets a little NSFW, I’ll give you a heads up when it comes.

I also tried my best to make Kokichi canon as possible, so let me know if I did a good job or if I didn’t.

So, enjoy!

*^*^*^*^*

I followed this Alter Ego hologram along with the rest of the students, as we were instructed to by Monokuma. Of course the one who didn't leave my side was Kokichi.

"Sooooo," Kokichi put his hands behind his head as he walked, which I imagined couldn't be too comfortable. "You mentioned back there that you've never been in a killing game. Like, ever. Is that true?"

"Well, most kids my age aren't put in a killing game," I shrugged. "Can't help but feel bad for the others, though."

"Actually, it's not that bad," Kokichi said matter-of-factly. "Well, for me at least. Nishishi~!"

I rolled my (E/C) eyes. "Oh come on," I scoffed. "There had to be some point where you were scared shitless."

"Scared shitless about what, exactly?"

I stared at Kokichi, dumbfounded. How could he act like being in a killing game wasn't a big deal?! A person would have to be a complete sociopath to act so nonchalant about something so serious and terrifying! I paused, clearing my throat to regain my composure. "W-Well, I don't know, dying?"

Kokichi snickered. "Pfft! Come on, really? Dying? Gee, you are a hoot!" He

"I'm serious!" I remarked, bewildered. "Almost every human being is afraid of what lies beyond death! It's the greatest mystery known to man-!"

He put a finger to my lips. "Notice how you said almost every human being. I am not like most humans, heck, I might not even be human, you never know," He smirked, the glint in his amethyst eyes filled with mischief. "Besides, I was a victim. I said so in my introduction earlier. Squished to death. I already know what lies beyond the grave, Ms. (Y/N), believe me." He hissed into my ear, making me shiver.

"R-Really?" I stuttered, now a bit uneasy. "Is that s-so..."

"Yep!" His attitude perked right back up. "After all, I was revived. Heck, I could even tell you all about it if you wanted, though it's gonna cost you an arm and a leg!"

"But you didn't know what death was like before you died, Kokichi," I glanced up at him, staring into his eyes. "You don't seem like the type of person who is always fearless. In fact, it seems you hide many fears, including death itself," This time, it was my turn to smirk. "Though I'm not one to assume."

Kokichi's face turned pink, sweat starting to roll down his face. He glanced down at the floor, not meeting my gaze. "Well, I never expected something like that to come out of you..." His voice trailed off. "You're certainly something, aren't you?"

"Same goes for you," I responded. He blinkd at me. "You have some good acting skills, but then again, I can't expect anything less from a liar."

"Wooow, you caught on that quickly?" He started to pout, his expression changing like a remote changing the TV channel. "Bummer, I thought I could mess with you for a bit. You aren't so bad yourself, with acting. Kinda caught me a little off-guard there. You suurree you're just a transfer student?"

"I'm sure," I insisted. "I'm not really good at anything specific, skill or anything like that."

"Liar, liar, pants on fire~!" He singed. "You're good at acting, so just take the damn compliment!"

"If you say so..." I whistled shifting my attention to Alter Ego, who stopped at a doorway.

"Right now, we are in the main building on campus. This is where you gather for meals, classes, and special events that take place in the school. Most of the classrooms are unoccupied, so that gives many students a chance to start clubs and hold small get-togethers," The hologram started to elaborate. "Where we just gathered is the gymnasium, which is where most school-wide events and gym classes take place. Right down the hall is the stairwell up to the third floor, which is where most of you came from in pairs of two or three. We have around thirty empty classrooms here."

"Across from the gymnasium is the cafeteria, which will open it's doors along with the gym at seven am. It will close at ten pm. On weekends, it will be closed, and students can only ask permission to use it from the principal and or faculty. From the cafeteria, you can access the kitchen, pantry, and walk-in fridge, but only after three pm to ten pm. Breakfast and lunch will be prepared by the MonoLadies, but dinner must be prepared by the students. The kitchen staff also has access to the greenhouse using a second stairwell located in the kitchen."

As we entered the cafeteria, I couldn't help but marvel at the amount of tables were set up. And just a simple glance at the lunch line made my mouth start to salivate at the thought of so much food.

"Now, right outside the cafeteria are you lockers, which you will store your belongs temporarily. You are allowed to decorate the inside of your lockers however you please, but all personal items must be removed from them before the end of the day. Your monopad serves as your combination and lock. Your monopad will unlock your corresponding locker. Other students can leave you messages, and you can even post reminders and other messages."

I took out my monopad and hit the tab that was labeled Locker. It showed me a map of where it was located, which was the farthest away from the cafeteria door. Easy to remember, but the worst access to food. It had an inbox, which read zero messages, and a calender with bullitins to add on. As other students went to find and test out their new lockers, I went up to mine. As soon as I approached it and held the monopad up to where the lock should be, there was a click and I was able to swing the door right open.

There was shelves to put books and other supplies, hooks to hang up bags and coats, and on the back of the door a digital calender. "Sweet." I remarked.

"I wonder if you can play games on this thing..." The girl who introduced herself as Chiaki said earlier. I glanced over at the locker besides me, and it seems she was my locker neighbor. "Probably not..."

"That would be pretty cool, though." I admitted, grabbing her attention. She gave me a small smile, and I returned the kind gesture.

"If you'll follow me, please," Alter Ego gathered up the students once more. "To the right of the lockers is where you'll find the Fitness Center, where there is multiple work out machines. It's doors open at six am, but you can only access it before seven with a pass from the principal or faculty. It closes at nine pm. Right across from there is where the bathrooms and locker rooms are, as well as the second entrance to the gymnasium. The lockerooms and bathrooms can only be accessed using your monopad, to make sure you aren't going into the wrong one. To the other gender, it is locked. They open at six am and close at ten pm. Like the fitness center, you can only access the lockerooms if you have a pass administered by the principal or faculty."

"Do we have lockers in there like the ones we have at the entrance?" A boy by the name of Kazuichi asked.

"Yes, indeed," Alter Ego responded. "Now, follow me up to the second floor."

We followed Alter Ego back around near the gym entrance and up the set of stairs at the end of the hallway. And the strangest design was that to our right was the greenhouse. The entire wall was glass looking in. The greenhouse was filled with all sorts of plants, flowers, harvestables, you name it. There was even a picnic table in there. "To our right is the greenhouse, which is where we grow our food and many other flora. Students are also allowed to eat and spend time in there, but only with permission from the faculty. Unless students are part of our gardening club, which will open up soon."

I pondered the thought of spending time with Kokichi in the greenhouse. It would be a nice place, but there would be too much stimulation for our noses in there. I didn't know if Kokichi had a flower allergy or not. So the greenhouse was off the list.

Alter Ego lead us down the hallway to a more open space with couches and nice places to sit, with a big entrance labeled Library straight ahead. "This is an area where students can study and interact with each other with a more greater volume," The hologramed A.I. explained. "And down the hall to your right is the multimedia center, where there is printers and computers and other technology. I will give you a few minutes to explore these two areas before we re-group."

I instantly went inside the library. That was my go-to. Growing up with my brother, since we never really had much form of entertainment, would go to the library and read all sorts of books together. Some of my favorite authors were J. K. Rowling, Lemony Snicket, and Stephen King. There were dozens upon dozens of shelves towering above me. There were long tables with reading lamps, a cozy fireplace with large plush-looking armchairs and loveseats. To top it off, one of the walls were completely glass, letting natural light into the room, casting a heavenly glow onto the books. I couldn't stop myself from gawking.

"Wow, you a bookworm or something?" Kokichi came up from behind me. "You seem a little out of it..."

"I read plenty of books when growing up, so I'm practically in heaven," I breathed. I turned to Kokichi, which by the look of his expression was amused by me nerding-out. "This would be the perfect place to hang out!"

"I dunno, libraries kinda make me uneasy..." His voice trailed off. "Ever since Rantaro died in one, they kinda just are sorta creepy to me nowadays..."

I frowned, realizing I was making him uncomfortable. "Oh, I'm sorry Kokichi, I didn't mean-"

"Juuuust kidding~!" He winked. "Libraries just aren't my style, y'know?"

"Liar..." I mumbled.

"That's what I am!" Kokichi beamed with pride. He then grabbed my wrist. "C'mon, let's go check out the multimedia center!" He then started running, dragging me along with him, out of the library and down the hall, where a handful of other students were.

When we entered, the first thing I made note of was the amount of computers there were. Plenty of them, all lined up in five rows of eight. Along the windows were tables with 3D printers and regular printers set up. At the front of the room was a big screen, which I assumed was gonna be used for displaying videos and power points.

"Not gonna lie, I thought it would be more exciting," Kokichi heaved a sigh of disapointment. "All the nerds here must be over the moon, though."

"I think it's a bit over-the-top for a high school computer room," I whistled. "I'm kinda impressed that they have so many resources here. But then again, it's a school for gifted teenagers..."

"When are we gonna go to the next area?" Kokichi examined his hand in what I assumed out of boredom.

"I don't know," I shrugged, longing to explore the library more. "I'm gonna go back to the library." I told Kokichi as I started to make my way back to the room filled with books.

"Well wait for me, idiot." Kokichi sped up so he could besides me.

"I thought libraries weren't your style," I raised an eyebrow at him. "Or was that another lie?"

"Well, you never know if there's a secret room in the library," Kokichi flashed me a mischeivious smile. "Or better yet something even cooler!"

"You make a good point there, Kokichi." I nodded in his direction as I continued my way through the library doors.

(At this point it becomes a bit NSFW)

As I scanned the shelves in the different sections, Kokichi dawdled behind. It was kinda weird, though. He was just staring behind me, as if he was scanning me up and down. Not really observing, but something else...

"What'cha doing back there, Kokichi?" I looked back at him. He was leaning against a shelf, just staring at me."

"Nothing much," He shrugged, smirking. "Just enjoying the view, that's all~..."

I blinked, furrowing my brow. "Of what, exactly?"

"Whaaaaattttt~? You seriously don't know...?" Kokichi came up to me and backed me up into another shelf. He propped his hand against it, leaning into me. "...I'm looking at a snack~..." His voice became low and husky.

I stared at him. "I don't have food on me, Kokichi," I told him. I then paused in consideration. "I would like to have some, though. If I did I would share it with you, if that's what your essentially asking me."

"Nishishi~!" He chuckled. "Oh no, you are sorely mistaken! It's all over you..."

(Becomes SFW once again)

"Do I got a mustard stain on my shirt or something?"

"Kokichi, stop it!!" A voice then came from down the aisle. I turned my head to see the blonde girl that was next to me during everyone's introductions and a guy with cyan-colored hair and thick lower eyelashes. The command came from the male, who was pointing right at Kokichi.

"Shuichi!!" Kokichi seemed to bounce right back at the sight of the cyan-haired male and charged right at him, arms outstretched to give him a hug. The guy then froze up, and was tackled to the ground by Kokichi. "I missed you sooooooo much!!"

"K-Kokichi, get off of me!!" The guy stuttered, struggling to get the smaller male off of him.

The blonde girl came up to me, her eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay? It looked like Kokichi had you pinned against the shelf, there." She asked, pointing to the shelf.

"I'm good- Ah, Katie, was it?" I scrunched up my face trying to remember the girl's name."

"Kaede," The girl corrected me with a bright smile. "Kaede Akamatsu."

"Right, sorry," I quickly apologized. "Yeah, I'm perfectly fine, thanks for asking," I turned my attention towards Kokichi, who was straddling the poor guy at this point. "Uh, Kokichi, I think you should get off him now."

"Awwwww..." He whined, pouting. "Okay, then!" He then jumped right back on his feet, letting the man stand up. Kokichi then skipped back besides me

"Kokichi, what the hell were you doing to this poor girl?!" The guy scolded as he brushed off his black and grey stripped blazer. "I mean, pinning her down, what were you thinking?!"

"Who are you, again?" I pointed at the guy. "Sorry, there was so many introductions I can hardly remember the all."

"Shuichi Saihara," The guy reintroduced himself, giving me a small smile. "Ultimate Detective."

"Nice to meet you, Shuichi," I smiled back. "Same for you, Kaede," I nodded to Kaede. "But uh- no, it's totally fine. He just thought I had food on me and asked for some, it's all good."

"Pffffttthahahahahaha!!" Kokichi doubled over and went out into complete hysteria, clutching his sides and slapping his knees. "Ohmygod you're so stupid!! Hahahahaaaaaa!!" He wheezed.

"How?" I stared down at him in confusion. "You we're looking at me, I asked why, you said you were looking at a snack, I said I didn't have food on me, then you said it was all over me, and then you tackled Shuichi. I don't see why I'm the stupid one here, because you're the one that insisted that I had food on me which I clearly don't." I gestured to my clothes to show the lack of crumbs and stains.

"U-Um, that's- ah..." Shuichi's voice started to crack, him covering his mouth while he looked down at the floor, clearing avoiding my gaze.

"I think what Kokichi was trying to call you was- um..." Kaede's voice trailed off, uneasiness in her voice. "...s-sexually appealing."

"Oh," I blinked, turning my attention back to Kokichi. "Um, thanks for the compliment?"

"I was just messing with 'ya," Kokichi waved it off with a hand, him catching his breath. "I would never think of you like that, let alone perv on 'ya," He reassured me, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. "Oh my god, that was priceless!" He sighed.

"For you, that is. It's just confusing for me," I shrugged. "I've never really been the type of gal to think about that kind of stuff, so I don't know sex terms or the meaning of when someone calls another person a snack."

"Then toying with you is gonna be more difficult then I thought," Kokichi started to bite his thumbnail, muttering. Then he quickly put his hands resting on the back his head. "Ah well, I'll figure out something. For now, I gotta make sure that filthy cum dumpster doesn't taint your innocent mind~!"

"I'm not that innocent, I'm aware about sex. I just know little to nothing about it..." My voice trailed off at the end. "Also, what's a cum dumpster?"

"Don't ask." Shuichi shook his head.

"Why that loud filthy pig during the introductions, of course!" Kokichi exclaimed, his tone matter-of-factly. "You must stay away from her at all costs, 'ya hear me? She's an absolute slut that will tell you all the terms about sex, and you're too innocent to be taught those awful things!"

"Your treating me like child," I pointed out. And at this point I felt like one, though Kokichi was only a smidge taller than me. "I'm sixteen years old, I can make my own decisions. And I can remember her name no prob, her introduction was the one that was the most out there. Miu Iruma, Ultimate Inventor."

"It's not very nice to call Miu such vulgar names, Kokichi," Kaede informed the violet-eyed boy. "She probably doesn't enjoy the names you give her, either."

"She probably likes it when she's hooking up with someone," Kokichi shrugged. "So I don't see why I can't call her names."

"I think a more polite way to describe Miu is that she's sexually active," I suggested. "Besides, she seems to be brimming with self confidence."

"Well yeah, same thing..." Kokichi muttered, suddenly gaining some attitude. "And that's not self-confidence, it's narcissism." He quickly added on.

"You can't exactly be one to talk, Kokichi," Shuichi pipped up. "You can be a bit full of yourself sometimes."

"Yeah but not as often as Miu, and I'm leaving it at that." Kokichi folded his arms across his chest, leaving us all in an awkward silence.

*^*^*^*^*

Like what you see and wanna read the whole thing? Link is right here!:

https://www.wattpad.com/story/215117714-dreaming-of-a-liar-kokichi-ouma-x-reader

[magic-and-moonlit-wings]

Chapter 41: The Great Debate Begins

Becoming the Mask

Bold italics are trollish.

+=+

"We're not trying to break our oath of secrecy," said Darci. "We just want permission to … expand the circle of people keeping the secret."

"Permission denied." Jim had known Vendel long enough now that he could tell the dour-looking troll truly was scowling.

"You think our parents are untrustworthy?" asked Mary. She didn't sound indignant, only concerned, but she was glaring too.

"By your own admission, one of the first actions a human adult undertook after learning about trolls was attempting to expose us."

"Because she didn't have any other humans to talk to about something she was upset about," said Darci.

"And if she's going to keep trying to tell our families," added Toby, "which she probably will, then it's only a matter of time before trolls get exposed anyway."

"But if we tell them first, we can make it sound less … terrifying," said Mary.

"Banishing these four from Trollmarket won't solve the problem," Jim admitted. If he'd thought that would work then he would've pushed for it when they'd first discovered trolls. "They'll just keep looking for evidence to present, and if they run into the wrong Changeling," or worse, discovered Arcadia's other secret underground troll hideout and ran into all the Changelings, "then Gunmar's forces are going to get a windfall of information Trollmarket would rather stayed secret. Assuming they survive long enough to be interrogated."

"… You're exaggerating," said Mary.

"No. Every Changeling you've met so far has had personal incentive to keep you alive. That's not going to be universally true." Especially if Otto found out that these humans were important to the Trollhunter.

Vendel put his hand over his face. Hopefully that meant he didn't see Enrique's eyes flicker red.

"Anyway," said Darci, "our parents are going to be worried and upset, but they'll be more worried and upset if they find out about trolls and that we didn't tell them. If we tell them on our terms, we can … hold? We can … contain their reaction. Calm them down. Let them meet Blinky and AAARRRGGHH, see trolls aren't so scary, before telling them about Gumm-Gumms and Changelings."

"For the record, we have not yet agreed to that," said Blinky.

Claire spoke up at last. "The citizens of Trollmarket are accustomed to us. They could adjust to more humans being here."

"The citizens of Trollmarket believe your presence here to be a temporary measure," Vendel countered, "for our current Trollhunter's mental wellbeing, until his human fragility gets him killed."

Each human gave Jim a sharp look, eyes wide, mouths slightly open, brows just starting to pinch in the middle. He forced a tight smile. "Vendel knows. Most of Trollmarket do not."

Claire's point was actually a tempting one. If Jim could recruit more Changelings, and Blinky and AAARRRGGHH could get Vendel's support in reintegrating them into troll society – well, not every Changeling was going to want to give up their human shape. If the trolls were already used to having many humans around, and accustomed to interacting with them as people, that might create a safe environment for the shapeshifters to go about their lives in either shape.

"Besides," continued Vendel, "you four are younglings, and therefore less likely to be taken as a threat than an adult."

"How many trolls would even know that, though?" Toby asked.

"Enough that you have been permitted relatively free passage through our market without a guard to supervise you."

"So, some kind of probationary period after we tell our families, then?" Darci suggested, slipping back into English. "Like, they can't be in Trollmarket without Blinky or AAARRRGGHH?"

Vendel used his staff to push himself up a little taller. "That is irrelevant, because your families will not be visiting Trollmarket at all."

Good attempt at the 'act like permission has been granted' manipulation technique, though, Jim thought.

"Troll have remained hidden from humans for centuries. I will not risk another war with the surface by initiating contact. My foremost responsibility is to the wellbeing of Trollmarket, and my word on this matter is final."

"If a bunch of kids could find you, it's only a matter of time before you're exposed anyway!" snipped Mary. "Just about every human carries a videophone nowadays, and not all the footage is going to be a Bigfoot-style blur! Wouldn't it be safer for trolls then if you already had some human contacts who aren't kids?"

Vendel growled. Jim stepped between them, not all the way, just enough that Mary was half behind him.

"Good talk." AAARRRGGHH picked up Toby, who was closest, then Mary, Darci, and Claire, depositing the humans onto his back. "Talk more later." He scooped Jim up in one arm and Enrique, stroller and all, in the other, and exited the Heartstone's hollow walking on his back legs.

"I hope you all realize the severity of what you're attempting," said Blinky.

"It would've been nice if you'd backed us up," Darci grumbled. "You know Vendel better than we do; you've got to have some idea how to change his mind."

"You are asking that we set aside centuries of hard-learned caution. The best thing to do now is allow our Elder to consider your reasoning in peace."

"My parents have a right to know about Enrique." Claire's voice was soft and bitter.

Because that's going to help, how, exactly? Jim did not say.

"And Jim, you said Changelings are sterile," said Darci, "so since none of us are adopted, it's not like we have to worry about our parents being Changelings."

"Well, there's my stepmom, I guess," Mary said. "I don't think Jen's a Changeling, though. She was super mad that time she caught me breaking curfew and her eyes never turned red."

"That's under semi-voluntary control," Jim muttered.

AAARRRGGHH was still carrying all of them. Jim understood AAARRRGGHH not wanting to expose his scruff to a known Changeling. But knowing the humans were on the giant troll's back, and Jim was not, was giving him the same squirmy feeling in his gut as when Blinky first started teaching the humans trollish and Jim wasn't his only student anymore.

"You can probably put us down now," said Jim, more loudly.

+=+

Barbara ordered a pizza for dinner. Jim did not outwardly take offense. She studied him carefully. Nothing about him had changed that she could tell, since she'd found out, but she felt like she didn't know how to read his expressions anymore.

Barbara cut her pizza slice in half. "So. Did you and Toby have a nice time in Trollmarket?"

"Not really." Jim put his slice down. "We were mostly debating Vendel. Da–The humans, who know about trolls? Suggested they should tell their families themselves. Toby warned them that you know. They agreed their families would probably take it better from them than a stranger."

Barbara could see the logic in that. She was glad to hear these kids were taking initiative. Even if it would have been better for them to be honest with their parents from the start, at least the truth was finally coming out.

She internally celebrated too soon.

"Vendel thinks it's too big a risk. He said if they tell anyone, they won't be allowed in Trollmarket anymore. Part of me thinks they shouldn't go down there anyway, I don't want to be the Trollhunter who got a bunch of human children killed, but I don't think they can be trusted not to look for more trolls, you know? And if Ot-ther Changelings found them, that would be … bad."

Jim gulped some water.

"But Vendel's worried, and for good reason, that too many humans knowing might reignite a species war. And just because these trolls were on the 'killing humans creates more problems than it solves' side of the last big troll war, doesn't mean humans are going to react peacefully to learning there are human-eating trolls. I mean, it's not like you can tell before you're in eating range. And just because a troll doesn't eat humans doesn't mean they care about preserving human life."

Barbara bit her tongue and nodded. This was troubling, but good. Jim was sharing things with her, being honest with her, just as she'd asked.

"So, I have a favour to ask."

"What's that?" she asked.

"Give us a month? Before you start trying to figure out who else knows and whose parents you need to call for 'troll-intervention'. To let them convince Vendel and at least give us a chance to tell people ourselves."

Barbara got out her phone and opened the calender app. She didn't name the notice, just put an exclamation point.

"Thirty days, starting tomorrow."

"Thanks." Jim smiled at her. He didn't say anything more.

He hadn't called her 'Mom' since she'd kicked him out.

+=+

Previous Chapter (The kids decide they ought to tell their families about trolls before Barbara does)

Table of Contents

Next Chapter (The school play and more Strickler plotting)

Savvy readers may notice Jim actually hasn't addressed Barbara as 'Mom' since admitting to being a Changeling, unless I've slipped up somewhere, but Barbara's feeling guilty about kicking him out and memories are imperfect things.

Everyone going back to speaking English after Darci does is called 'code switching'.

[hightaled]

i even have a specific location to it.. close to our old townhome but in a made-up neighborhood that looks like one i always dream about. i always remember when i start playing this song by a rock-band-member-turned-soloist writing about how much he didn't like being forced to go to therapy and i think about how the lyrics remind me of the moisturize meme but like where it's stretched and hooked and wavy. the album art is a side profile of said old man driving at night and it's all scenic and i should draw it just because like. huh.. i get a phone notification by this manta ray chat thing and it's always like don't forget your drive through terrible traffic!! you may want to leave early!! and i'm like fuck i forgot about this why didn't i write it down in my calender.. and then i get there and i'm always like man if only i still lived in the townhome i would have literallly been able to walk!! i go in and it's completely open floor plan with like an indoor balcony and i'm waiting for my guy on a massive queen bed for some reason. all the walls are painted brat green with white trim but all the doors are outlined by dark wood and the whole place has all these weird angles and bad lighting. i look down and i can see the back of my therapist talking about something with another client. meanwhile all these giant fucking dogs show up like actually massive and they haven't showed up before so i'm like what... i'm talking to the secretary and we're getting along great except for this giant absolutely massive black and white greyhound with the head of a bull terrier keeps coming up to me and shoving its giant cold wet nose into my face and it's literally terrifying but it's soo cute its name was puffball... when i pet it and it got too happy it started distorting to be stretched horizontally which sort of made me realize i was in a dream but not really i didn't wake up completely i guess. and then i get called to my appointment which i don't remember but again its open floor plan i don't even remember the guys face and somehow i know it's connected to my high school but also to betterhelp so im not a super willing participant. as i wake up im thinking about this childhood friend and that somehow i knew he had the same insurance and same therapist but switched off and i always wake up thinking about asking him about what he'd recommend doing but i haven't talked to him in years so i talk myself out of it. i think this has happened twice before now

just realized i've been having recurring dreams about going to therapy which are so realistic but not true to life idk i kind of thought these actually happened i keep waking up thinking about finding someone better that's also covered by insurance but its cus i've never gone to therapy and this guy i made up isn't very good at it

[confessionsfaqueercatholic]

So, I've always been fascinated with Catholicism, but was always terrified of it because I'm bisexual and trans. I recently had a conversation with my uber Christian (not catholic) mother and she said I shouldn't be afraid of God because he will love me no matter what. Any advice for a (formerly atheist, currently undecided) teenager possibly looking to convert to Catholicism?

Well, I can't help you much on the experience of conversion front, because I've gone to Catholic School™ since I was wee high, but honestly just seek out Catholic churches and ask the father (priest) any questions you wish, GO TO A MASS (seriously if you go to a mass and don't enjoy it/don’t care about it then you may not be prepared to convert), find a patron saint of something you care about and pray to them, learn some of the basic Catholic prayers and pray them each day (Our Father, Hail Mary, St. Michael the Archangel, Blessing Before Meals, Morning Offering, Angelus, maybe a Rosary?, DEFINITELY the Nicene Creed), get a rosary, sit in on a Faith Formation class, get a book that outlines the story of Jesus and the New Testament, try to celebrate by the Church's calender (you know, Advent, Lent, Christmas (the season is two weeks long), Easter (lasts for fifty days util the Pentecost), and Ordinary Time. Right now we're in Lent so try to give up meat on Fridays, give up something special to you until Easter (typically chocolate), and try to say a rosary each Friday. On Palm Sunday (sunday before Easter) try to get a palm frond or cross from a local Catholic Church.) If you feel prepared enough, try to find an RCIA program (the conversion program) and begin the conversion process! God isn't about big gestures, he's about showing that you love and respect him and that you're dedicated to him. Message me if you have any questions!

[cephii]

1-200 let's go babe ;>

200: My crush’s name is: Jayjay the jet plane199: I was born in: 2003198: I am really: Hungry :^[197: My cellphone company is: T-mobile196: My eye color is: Blue?? Grey?? Something in between that. My eyes have yellow in them too, it’s weird 195: My shoe size is: either a 7 or 8?? I forgot194: My ring size is: I actually have no idea uH193: My height is: either 5′4 or 5′5192: I am allergic to: Certain food preservatives, something they put in sunscreen idk :^[191: My 1st car was: Lightning McQueen 190: My 1st job was: Being born189: Last book you read: The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde188: My bed is: Soft, occupied by me atm, queen sized 187: My pet: Don’t got one186: My best friend: tARA185: My favorite shampoo is: Idk, oof 184: Xbox or ps3: Don’t rly use either 183: Piggy banks are: Gay, kinda cute honestly 182: In my pockets: I’m not wearing pants right now181: On my calendar: I don’t use calenders 180: Marriage is: Amazing for people who actually care about each other! But not just to get married, divorce is NOT fun. 179: Spongebob can: control gravity 178: My mom: is a huge role model to me! (She might be very homophobic oof, but she’s great! When she first came to the US, she had to learn an entire new language, make enough money to feed 2 starving kids, and pay for my dad’s funeral, but 13 years later she is very very successful in a career she loves 177: The last three songs I bought were? Isle unto thyself (Joe Hawley) The Greatest Show Unearthed (Creature Feature) Hidden in the Sand (Tally Hall)176: Last YouTube video watched: Val Val Val175: How many cousins do you have? 5174: Do you have any siblings? Yes! Two of them. An 18 year old sister, and a 7 year old brother173: Are your parents divorced? nope :^0172: Are you taller than your mom? yES I AM 171: Do you play an instrument? I play the ukulele 170: What did you do yesterday? sCHOOL DANCE AND HAD MY FRIENDS SLEEP AT MY HOUSE OOF [ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No 168: Luck: No167: Fate: No166: Yourself: Sometimes165: Aliens: Yes164: Heaven: No163: Hell: To an extent 162: God: Nah man 161: Horoscopes: No160: Soul mates: In a way159: Ghosts: Yes158: Gay Marriage: YES 157: War: No156: Orbs: Nah155: Magic: Certain forms of it, yeah. [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: DONT MAKE ME CHOOSE 153: Drunk or High: Neither, both are damaging 152: Phone or Online: Online151: Red heads or Black haired: Red hair150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes 149: Hot or cold: Cold148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: Spring 146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla 145: Night or Day: Night 144: Oranges or Apples: Oranges143: Curly or Straight hair: I really love both142: McDonalds or Burger King: I don’t really like fast food but if I had to eat it then yeAH BURGER KING 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Milk chocolate 140: Mac or PC: Mac 139: Flip flops or high heals: Heels are prettier, but flip flops are wAY more comfortable 138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich, oof137: Coke or Pepsi: I can’t drink soda136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Buried (as loNG AS I GET TO DECOMPOSE)134: Singing or Dancing: Singing133: Coach or Chanel: Coach132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: i cANT CHOOSE 131: Small town or Big city: Big city 130: Wal-Mart or Target: Target 129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Why the fuck would I answer this128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither 127: East Coast or West Coast: East Coast 126: Your Birthday or Christmas: My birthdaY 125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers 124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney123: Yankees or Red Sox: y A N K E E S [ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: War is just extremely stupid?? Pointless?? All of the above?? There is no need to kill people because you have problems. Why can’t we just play chess or something? To win that, you must be very skilled and knowledgeable. Instead of the bloodthirsty leading us, the chess players should ;^0. Think about it! War is a primal instinct. We, as humans, like to distance ourselves from past methods. Instead of advancing something we’ve done for centuries, why don’t we just reinvent it entirely? War really is one of my biggest and most sincere fears, neither sides are just when they want to kill people with beautiful lives just to solve some problem that is solvable with a simple debate. 121: George Bush: Don’t know very much120: Gay Marriage: Very very important! There is no need to even debate when gay couples are statistically less likely to divorce. 119: The presidential election: Eugh118: Abortion: It’s up to the mother. I personally prefer giving the baby away for adoption, but I wouldn’t shame somebody for going through with it117: MySpace: Never used it116: Reality TV: Kinda stupid, makes me really uncomfortable honestly 115: Parents: Mixed opinions??114: Back stabbers: I deal with too many too often 113: Ebay: Can be pretty useful I guess112: Facebook: Don’t use it, but it’s alright I guess111: Work: Very important! 110: My Neighbors: My neighbors both have VERY cute dogs. One of them has a huge golden retriever, hes super sweet. The other has 2 German shepherds, super pretty dogs auGH 109: Gas Prices: Honestly just use electric cars, fuel is running out108: Designer Clothes: Some are nice. Some are stupid and really overpriced. 107: College: Go if you want to, it’s useful! But kinda really expensive 106: Sports: I like some of them!105: My family: Love one half, despise the other104: The future: Don’t make me think about it[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: 12:00-ish when my friend left today102: Last time you ate: 10 hours ago??101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I don’t remember 100: Cried in front of someone: 3 days ago 99: Went to a movie theater:2 years ago-ish98: Took a vacation: 7 months ago97: Swam in a pool: a week ago:^]]96: Changed a diaper: Never have 95: Got my nails done: Never have 94: Went to a wedding: 8 years ago93: Broke a bone: Never have92: Got a peircing: 9 years ago (but that was against my will eeP)91: Broke the law: I basically am in some way, always. It might be a dumb law, but I never know for sure90: Texted: I am right now [ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: Vini 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: My blankets87: The last movie I saw: La la land86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: The last day of school!85: The thing im not looking forward to: First day of summer84: People call me: Clyde, Milo, Meelo, Gay83: The most difficult thing to do is: Not take things personally 82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: Never ever 81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Vini 79: First time you had a crush: When I was 478: The one person who i can’t hide things from: Vini, Eugene, and Melody77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Idk76: Right now I am talking to: jasmine and vini75: What are you going to do when you grow up: Idk, really. But I wanna be an astronomer!74: I have/will get a job: Idk, my parents won’t let me73: Tomorrow: comes today 72: Today: Is a sunday! Time to go to the store today 71: Next Summer: Is another summer70: Next Weekend: Idek oof 69: I have these pets: NONE OF THE PETS AHAHA68: The worst sound in the world: Someone I care about crying67: The person that makes me cry the most is: some ‘friends’ (In a bad way) Eugene (in the best way possible)66: People that make you happy: My (actual and not fake) friends! At least the ones who care to talk to me regularly 65: Last time I cried: like 30 minutes ago

64: My friends are: gay and half of them are fake as fuck 

63: My computer is: Pretty okay! Might not be the best, but she gets the job done62: My School: I’m terrified of any school, it’s a terrible experience. I’m just glad I have people to talk to that get my mind off of things I hate about the place! (Minus the times they start joking about the subject and it upsets me :’^[)61: My Car: I don’t own one personally 60: I lose all respect for people who: make children cry59: The movie I cried at was: I cry at most movies jfc 58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde! It looks red in some types of light tho57: TV shows you watch: Right now? I’m really just watching Huner x Hunter and Rick and Morty. Not keeping up with much else 56: Favorite web site: niceonedad.com55: Your dream vacation: Death valley! Primarily to see the stars 54: The worst pain I was ever in was: Cutting my arm open with a knife 53: How do you like your steak cooked: Well done52: My room is: Kinda clean51: My favorite celebrity is: Neil Patrick Harris 50: Where would you like to be: In sleepy land 49: Do you want children: No48: Ever been in love: Yes 47: Who’s your best friend: TaRA46: More guy friends or girl friends: I kinda have the same ammount of both45: One thing that makes you feel great is: When people say they love me44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Eugene43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: I don’t like the thought of death at all, so a list wouldn’t help me41: Have you pre-named your children: No 40: Last person I got mad at: My dad39: I would like to move to: Poland38: I wish I was a professional: faggot[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Krówki36: Vehicle: I like planes 35: President: Idk oopsies 34: State visited: Pennsylvania 33: Cellphone provider: Idk 32: Athlete: Idk ooF 31: Actor: Neil Patrick Harris 30: Actress: CANT DECIDE AUGHH 29: Singer: Joe Hawley 28: Band: Tally Hall 27: Clothing store: H&M26: Grocery store: I don’t care as long as you have strawberry milk25: TV show: Honestly the Octonauts 24: Movie: La La Land 23: Website: niceonedad.com22: Animal: GOAT 21: Theme park: Disney20: Holiday: Halloween 19: Sport to watch: baseball18: Sport to play: Badminton 17: Magazine: I don’t read them16: Book: Pride and Prejudice 15: Day of the week: Thursday 14: Beach: Idk :’^[13: Concert attended: I don’t go to concerts 12: Thing to cook: I like baking muffins 11: Food: S T R A W B E R R I E S 10: Restaurant: Idk, aughhHh9: Radio station: I don’t listen to the radio very much 8: Yankee candle scent: I can’t smell candles 7: Perfume: angel by thierry mugler6: Flower: Roses 5: Color: Pink4: Talk show host: Idk oof 3: Comedian: Drew Lynch 2: Dog breed: Chusky 1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Indeed I did, my good friend

[myneighbortortor]

My Wall

So here goes. I don’t hate people, but I don’t like them. It doesn’t take much to make me angry with you; bumping into me, looking at my husband, asking for extra sauce (I work in the food industry), etc. I only hate those who really cross me and that list is few and eventually turns into none because it takes too much energy to hate. In my life I have been abused, neglected, tortured, betrayed, and maimed by those I’ve held closest to me. I have such a wall built up it’s not even funny. It’s actually painful because I enjoy being out and meeting new people and doing new things, but at the same time I hate it. Social anxiety is a HUGE part of my life. About that wall I’ve worked on for years. Example of a time when my trust was betrayed: I had just moved to this new town and started my first day at school. Those are always the worst. So I literally kept my head down and refused to respond to anyone. I had just moved from my home town a state away where I was constantly teased and made fun of. So as you can see I expected the same from this school. Now in this state this wasn’t the first school I attended. For about a month I lived in a town a couple towns over, which was the more....”open” town. My second day a guy asked me out and we dated for a couple weeks before his “friend”, which he and I had become friends due to our mutual dislike of most things and people and common interest in a book series, told me he had dared him, along with a few other guys, to ask me out. So this was my first boyfriend. Ever. Like EVER. Long story short I confronted my “boyfriend” he told me that it was true, but really liked me and the bet was only for a week and I dumped him on the spot. Then a snow storm happened which had us out of school for...I wanna say a month? I only ever returned to get my stuff from my cubby in home room. Back to my first day at the new school. The girl ran up to me when we were all lining up for lunch. I was terrified and hadn’t planned on talking to anyone but I could tell, just like me she didn’t really fit in. She talked to me all lunch and recess, then she took me to the book fair after lunch and introduced me to her boyfriend, who dumped her a couple days later. We became super close and she was my first friend at the school. She was the first house I stayed at over. The first embarrassing YouTube channel I made with. The first person I ever really could truly consider a best friend in my entire life. As we grew up I noticed she had some things off about her like jealousy. That shit was through the roof. Once she went to Walmart with me mom, her boyfriend, and myself. My mom and her boyfriend gave me $20 like they always did.Twilight was a thing back then and they had calender's at Walmart, and being the “twi-hard” I was, bought it, then we went next door to the Game Stop and I got Sims for my Xbox. When we got to my house she demanded that I share the pictures of the characters on the calendar because  we were best friends, and she also demanded she got first play at Sims. At this point in my life I was so happy I had a real friend I didn’t think much of it and began tearing my calendar apart, asking which pictures she preferred to have as she played my brand new game. Fast forward to 8th grade we were both heavily into guys and had been for around a year. All of my boyfriends had consisted of being over the internet and a few of the guys I talked to she had gotten jealous and began talking to herself and dated. Fast forward to after February I dumped the guys I was with to be with the new kid at school because, let’s face it I was an emo brat dating a football player who didn’t like the same music as me and had not planned on losing his virginity until marriage and I was a hormonal teenager with multiple friends who had lost their V-card and I wanted to be one. So when this kid moves to school and is just as emo as myself (there weren’t any others like us in our grade at the time besides my other best friend who was a girl and dating a guy) and liked the same music and showed me even better music, yeah I did a dick move a dumped the football player for the emo kid. Well this relationship got super serious, like super quick. We fell hard for each other and 3 months into our relationship lost our virginity to each other. So the girl gets super jealous and tells me how shitty of a friend I am because I never want to go to her house anymore (her family hated me because I quit going to church and came out as bi) and I spent all my time in school with the guy. She said a lot of hateful things and during these years I was a heavy cutter, so I did what I always did and cut, but this time it was bad, I still have the scars to this day. I didn’t try to kill myself or anything I just used a sharper razor than normal, I didn’t even expect the outcome I got. So for a minute our mutual friends were all mad at her even though she apologized to me over and over and cried. Fast forward again with less details, I go to her house to escape my mom (we had a hard time getting along in my younger years) and her and I had agreed that her bf would be over so she wouldn’t be spending barely any time with me. While she spent time with her bf I Skyped with my now ex from 8th grade, and yeah I was in another relationship, it was long distance and I didn’t flirt with my ex once, he flirted with me but we mainly just talked as friends. Apparently she thought the situation was super shitty of me though because she REALLY hated my ex. So I leave that night and she pretends like everything is okay. The next day after school she posts this status on Facebook, which was one of those like the status and she’ll post on your timeline things, that said “Why are we friends?” so I liked it because we were best friends and I expected a great post from her. Quite the opposite. I’m assuming after I left, her mom was a super big influence nazi like influence over her and still is as far as I know to this day and she really didn’t like me, her mom got in her head and made her think I was a super awful friend because one time she dyed the tips of her hair pink and it really didn’t go with her base hair color and being a real friend I was honest and told her my opinion, and also I was “using her for her wifi”. Keep this in mind; I HAD MY OWN WIFI AT MY OWN HOUSE. I simply had wanted some time away from my mother at that point. So I’m devastated. This was not the last time she did something super fucked up to me. In fact the last time I saw her I was carhop at Sonic and she said she missed me, and the time before I took her out to eat and didn’t make her pay for a damn thing, I even paid for her gas. Throughout my school years all of my friends from school, even to this day, although I have forgiven them all and love them all (the 3 of you I have lol if you read this) have fucked me over in some way or another. Sometimes it truly was my own fault. Sometimes it wasn’t I just have assholes for friends because I, myself, am an asshole. So even through my few adult years I’ve had so far (I’m 20, turning 21 this year) I’ve been fucked over multiple times by friends. So no I have no “best friend” nor do I want one. Those 3 friends from school I mentioned, a long with about 3 other people I consider family. I do have friends but I don’t really do much with anyone. I moved out of state recently so I’m not near any of them, although a lot say they will visit. My best friend is my husband, and sometimes I don’t even trust him, not because he’s ever cheated or anything like that just because of the past. I really trust no one. I expect the worst from people now. I had this girl who a few months ago I couldn’t imagine my life without her, we had a small falling out because she felt she couldn’t maintain a friendship with me while I was going through so many problems because she had too many problems of her own. First of all if anyone actually reads this, you NEVER take breaks in friendship, family relationships, or romantic relationships. If you have to “take a break” whatever that relationship was is nothing now. Well anyway, she ended up trying to kill herself and came to me, I was out and about with my husband and his family when she began messaging me over an app called Snapchat. I don’t know her address to tell the paramedics so I get ahold of a mutual friend who had been friends with her longer and tell her to call 911 and give them directions to this woman’s house. She does, she’s in the hospital for awhile, and then she gets out. In this time I had become friends with her soon to be ex husband and his girlfriend(we became super close over the past few months but I recently went off on her over some stuff and we haven’t really talked since). She tells me to “go fuck myself” when she finds out I’m friends with these people. At the time the only reason I befriended them is because the girlfriend helped me through a lot of what I was going through, they had recently became co-workers of my husband and I, and my husband and the soon to be ex-husband of the girl got along really well and my husband had recently had a falling out with his best friend. Although the girl had done some fucked up shit in our friendship, what I did in the last few months was super fucked up of me. I posted personal information about her online and made a joke of her suicide attempts. We are now talking and working back towards being close again and as much as I would really enjoy being close to another person again other than my husband, as in having a best friend, I’m scared this wall I’ve built will hold me back. I have multiple other examples of times where I was royally fucked or abused by people I held close to me. My mom, when I was younger, up until I was 19, was the biggest culprit. We have a great relationship now and I’ve always loved her. I could honestly consider her one of my best friends because I call her for anything, I think the max we go without talking is one day. All of my past relationships besides a couple have been abusive in some, or multiple ways. 

Now I didn’t make this post to get sympathy, I made it to help people understand me. Or even maybe someone can relate to me in some way. I am working on my problems and I feel awful sometimes because my husband wants me to let him in and tell him everything but from my last relationship I expect judgement and abuse. Although he never does. He’s always so supportive and understanding. I literally could not ever find anyone so perfect for me and to me. I’m trying me best to be more open with him, to not put up a fight when he wants to know whats wrong even if its just a random spurt of depression. As for the social anxiety it has been a big part of my life, but in the past couple months its gotten a lot better. I actually moved in with two random strangers(along with my husband) and its been great so far.