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psylunari · 2 years ago

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About time I introduce myself

TL;DR Luna's nonsense about herself. Feel free to reblog!

If you're looking for my original posts or my fics:

The tags are #psyluna.txt (for fandom info posts, writing tips, and posts like this one it's the first but you get the idea) and #psyluna.fic (for fanfiction). #psyluna.ask is for ask games and answers. #psyluna.png is for image edits, art, and memes.

The tag for when I get fanart is #I GOT ART. Bless all the people who have ever made something for me, I would like to give you the entire planet, but I'm poor, and taking care of a planet is too much work. So all I can give you is more fanfiction.

If I translate something that's not my work, the tag is #translation I just did.

From lurker to occasional reblogger to regular shitposter to… I don't know. The sky is the limit. Nice to meet you! I created this account in 2019, together with my return to posting fanfiction. I wrote fanfiction on again, then off again, for years, since I first picked it up at the fresh age of ten.

I was never a people person, nor did life make me a public figure, thank goodness. I'm not made for the spotlight, so I didn't see a point in blogging here myself. Anyway. I wanna do it now. Buckle up.

My name: the IRL one is so lame that I won't tell you. Call me psy, luna, or psyluna, as you wish. It fits me better.

My age: I was born in 1995, just so that I don't have to update this yearly.

Pronouns: I go by she/her. Gender is a myth. So is being internet famous.

My home country: I hail from not-so-distant, not-so-unknown Brazil.

Languages I speak: English is my second language (Portuguese is my first), and as per local standards, I can speak and write in English quite well. Before you ask, I write fanfiction in Portuguese and translate later, for reasons I'll disclose if anyone asks. I had basic Spanish in school and can still read/listen to it okay, can't write/speak it anymore. Japanese is my hobby language of choice. I plan on becoming more proficient if everything goes right.

My writing: it was always my favorite way to express myself. It's how I organize my thoughts and communicate with the world. Consequently, I wrote lots and lots all my life, even if not fanfiction, just personal vents. I got better in speaking out loud as I became more confident, less self-loathing, and ran out of fucks to give.

Should you talk to me: I enjoy chatting more than I enjoy people. It's not that I don't like people… Okay, let's not lie here. People are troublesome, even myself. I'll willingly talk to people who talk to me, and even start conversations at times, but getting attached and forming bonds isn't a default expectation. That said, if you wanna talk to me, please do.

Miscellaneous: I was somewhat raised by the 2000s internet. Meaning, I was there for a lot of memes and chaos, too. I miss some things and not others.

You won't see me engage with drama and discourse a lot. I keep many personal opinions private or restricted to close friends, as one should separate personal life from public life. To be honest, no one cares much what I think (again, thank goodness). Won't ever bother putting up a DNI list.

I usually follow back. If your blog is blank (as in you don't reblog anything), I might follow back if I know who you are.

Among other artsy things I like doing: drawing (not too well), singing (okay to well), playing a few instruments (okayish), typesetting (pretty well, actually). If cooking counts, then cooking.

My fandoms: I've been obsessed with lots of things along the years. For every phase, I bookmarked lots of fanart and wrote a bit of fic. My interests come and go. They're mostly anime/animated series and video games. I'm also a “mild kpopper” and a dormant rock/metal enthusiast.

My favorite characters: too many to count. They mostly fit the “well-meaning but kind of a jerk” archetype. They don't have to be morally gray, but can be. I don't vibe with stupid characters a lot. My favorite works of fiction are a bit or very tragic. I love bishounen/bishoujo in character design. My ships are based on if I like the chemistry, not much on the characters' genders.

As for my writing strengths: I'm good at putting one word in front of another and finding mistakes. That's the gist of it. Many writers struggle with low productivity and procrastination, and that isn't my curse, fortunately. I can work with a preexisting idea and propose solutions, maybe even add a thing or two. I'm also very critical of things and quick at noticing patterns.

As for my writing weaknesses: I don't think my ideas are too innovative, and while that doesn't matter a lot in the bigger picture, it makes me a little sad. I recycle ideas and themes a lot and hope no one notices. Whenever I'm forced to create, instead of working with preexisting things, I go ughhhh. I used to joke about how I had one idea worth writing every six months. It's been different these days, and I took notes of all nice ideas I've been having, but it's pretty recent. I'm also bad with prompts I don't click with.

The rest like prose, characterization, style, etc. is up for debate, and to some degree, a matter of personal taste. I like to think I can adapt to the needs of whatever I'm writing.

Do you write original fiction? Yes! I'm just not very far into them. I won't disclose much about it, though. Not now, at least. Some are more slice-of-lifey, others are more fantasy-like.

You can find my compiled social media and writing profiles in this carrd. If you don't feel like clicking on the carrd, here are the fic sites:

Archive Of Our Own (most up-to-date, missing older works and personal vents)

Fanfiction dot net (not very up-to-date because I hate this website)

+Fiction, formerly Nyah! Fanfiction (in Portuguese only, has lots of old stuff and vents)

I have a Wattpad account with nothing posted.

I'm used to talking about myself, since nine times out of 10 I'll be brooding in the corner and people get curious. I don't know why exactly that is. Hope you could get to know me better!

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writing community #fantasy writer #writeblr community #writeblr introduction #writers on tumblr #creative writing #fanfiction writeblr #fanfiction writer #fanfiction #psyluna.txt

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gnarf · 4 years ago

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Gnarf’s 2020

and what a fucking year that was... Anyways, let’s talk about the good things, shall we?

I made it through 2020 alive and without going insane! Yay! So lets see what else I did. (This is a long post)

In the beginning of 2020 I said I won’t participate in many fests. Only three or something like that. Lets check how that went!

Fests Gnarf participated in: 9

@lockdownfest @lcdrarry @hd-wireless @hpfluff-fest @hd-hurtfest @hd-fan-fair @hd-erised @gameofdrarry in drarropoly @wireless-festive-minifest

Haha yup, three. Sounds legit. I also wandered off to try if I can art! No worries, I gave that up :D Mad respect to all Artists, arting is exhausting and the progress is too slow for me.

If you really want to check out my attempts, here’s what made its way onto AO3:

Dont Blink! for LCDrarry, it includes the Angels from Doctor Who and was a pain in the arse.

If you knew... was made for H/D Wireless and has the armiest arm i ever saw, very proud of that one. Its also the last thing I made.

Home Sweet Home was also made for H/D Wireless, and the first bigger art piece I tried my hand on.

A muffled groan which is rather explicit and I entirely forgot about making it :D it has a ficlet going with it too.

(I think theres other Art stuff here with the tag #gnarf draws or something)

I reached my yearly goal of writing 100k words once again!

Fics and Ficlets I wrote this year: 20(ish)

Better Side of the Bed (Lock Down Fest, T, 2k)

It was all Malfoy's fault. Harry could be at the Burrow right now, but instead he was trapped in Malfoy's tiny flat. All because that dick couldn't stop bothering him about a stupid life debt he didn't even care about.

Doing What's Best (G, ~800 words)

Lucius looked down at the little bundle currently sleeping in Narcissa's arms and felt terror shoot through his body. A little boy, his hair so white it was nearly invisible. Born only a few hours ago, taking his first breath in the light of the rising sun. Narcissa had whispered a welcome, her eyes wet, her smile bigger than ever. But they both knew, even though temporarily safe, he really wasn't. Draco was born into a world ruled by war. If only it'd end soon.

I better be hallucinating this (T, 3.8k)

After the war Draco Malfoy is sentenced to Azkaban for a really long sentence. Apparently aiding in Dumbledore's death overrules any argument Harry could put up for him. After the trial, as the days pass by, Harry is more and more outraged at the sentence. He can't stop obsessing over the fact that Draco Malfoy saved his life and aided him during the war and is very much capable of redemption. Not to mention that Malfoy has always been a delicate git and would never survive Azkaban. After a few weeks obsessing Harry decides that Malfoy indeed can't remain unjustly in Azkaban and starts to plot a way to break him out of jail and hide him in Grimmauld Place. When Hermione finds out she's not amused. Ron is horrified. Draco still thinks he's hallucinating.

Keep Holding On (Wireless, M. 33.333) A collab with @maesterchill who surprised me with lovely art for it!

After the Battle of Hogwarts, Harry and Draco both fall into their own battles with their mental states. Draco is sent to Azkaban, and Harry turns to drinking, hoping to forget. Months later, Harry visits St Mungo’s new ward on the request of a friend, only to find Draco in a deep vegetative state. Not willing to give him up, Harry stays by his side, while simultaneously dealing with the Ministry's newest grand idea to make everything worse. Making new allies, and losing old ones along the way, will hopefully be worth it in the end.

Age is just a number (Fluff Fest, T, 1.5k)

Married for decades, their life is perfect. Until Harry gets a call and hears the following words: "Mr Potter, we caught your husband stealing ten large packs of King Sized condoms."

There was still hope (Hurt Fest, M, 3.1k)

Draco winced as pain shot through his leg with every step. This secret, back-alley laboratory had been his last chance, last hope, to find the potion. But nobody had it in stock, and there was no time left to brew it himself. Panic was slowly overtaking his entire mind as he crept out of the store and back to the nearest alley to Apparate back home. He already felt off, and it was still early in the day. Of course this thestral-shit had to happen to him, of all people. As if life wasn't bad enough for him already.

Desire (E, 1.7k)

"Auror Potter, what a pleasant surprise to meet you here. What can I do for you?" "Stop the show, Malfoy. There's no one around, and I'm not here as an Auror." Draco watched Potter move closer until they were nearly nose to nose, only the small counter of his shop kept Potter at distance. Potter's eyes were dark with something Draco couldn't exactly name, his face was flushed and the air surrounding him felt somehow static. Draco felt the urge to lean further over his counter, to drink in his sight, to touch the man on the other side—but he didn't.

Drarropoly 2020 currently holds 7 ficlets and is in a Series. The highest rating is Mature and its 3.2k in total at this point.

Let's not wait for France (Fan Fair, T, 17.7k)

All Harry had wanted from his Eighth year at Hogwarts was a little peace and a little privacy but, from the moment that he stepped onto Platform 9 3/4, it was obvious that nothing was ever going to be that easy. An accidental bond with Malfoy that resulted in them having to stay together at all times was the final straw. Things couldn't be worse. So much to a quiet year in Hogwarts.

Love letters for the oblivious (Mini Wireless, T, 716 words)

Draco had gotten the strangest letters all week long, which wasn't what anyone needed at Christmas. Especially not him. Either someone was taking the piss, or he had a very dumb and inefficient secret admirer. And Draco didn't know which would be worse.

Double-Booked (Mini Wireless, T, 2.1k)

Finally, peace and quiet, and— "Malfoy?!?" Or the one where Harry thought he could enjoy a quiet Christmas far from everyone, just to find out that the cabin he had booked already accommodated another guest.

The best Christmas he ever had (Mini WirelessT, 1.9k)

Christmas had never been less appealing to him than this year. That was until Arthur Weasley showed up at his door, dressed as Santa, inviting him to the Burrow.

Anon Fests to be added

Whoever made it to this point: yoooo! Friend! Lots of love to you! I also got tagged in many get to know me posts, plenty of love in my Inbox giving me love slaps left and right (honestly, im bruised, stop slapping me), amazing person awards, top 5 fics, and whatever you can think of.

To make up for not answering most of them because I’m a horrible person:

My favourite colour: purple My age: I’ll be 30 next year in April, I expect gifts, I don’t accept first borns My favourite trope: eight year My favourite animal: cat My favourite ice cream: Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough Here’s my writing Playlist, it’s the worst you’ll ever see, and yes, I use YouTube, I’m old.

Other things that happened in 2020 that made me happy:

I kicked out my mentally/emotionally abusive partner of 7 years in January

I kept my grandma alive through this *waves hand at world*

I was able to share my birthday cake with my family becaus I got to leave my first quarantine a few days before my birthday

I got to keep my job

I found a lot of lovely friends in this fandom, and got to keep them through this year

My cats are their usual little jerks and actually enjoyed me being at home due to the raging pandemic

I finally cut off my hair

I’m about to hit 3.5k followers here and I love you all

I’m also tagging everyone who sees this and wants to do something similiar! Show us what you did in 2020, the things you’re proud of, and the things you loved! Let’s spread some happy for the end of the year 💜🥰

#gnarf writes #gnarf draws #gnarf rambles #personal #gnarf's 2020

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fizzyxcustard · 5 years ago

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Something Borrowed (1)

Fandom: North and South (modern AU)

Summary: Requested by the wonderful @dabisburntnut Your eldest sister is getting married and you have been invited. However, your family are quite pushy about hooking you up with someone, so you ask your boss (and friend), John Thornton to go with you.

Pairings: Modern!John Thornton x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Silliness, insecurity, drunkenness, very slight anxiety mention, slight overweight!reader mention.

Word count: 1544

Comments/Notes: My newest tag list is still under construction, so by all means send me an ask or message if you want to be added for all fics, a particular series or fandom. I’m using Lucas North as my modern!John Thornton. Come on, it’s RA anyway. ;)

Music listened to while writing this piece: ASMR video by FredsVoice ASMR on YouTube.

Masterlist of fan fiction here

It was your lunch break. You plopped down in the seat opposite John, your boss and owner of the factory where you worked as his receptionist. “Can I borrow you for the weekend?” you asked, grinning.

John looked up from the stack of papers on his desk and gave a tired smile.

“You bloody well need it by the looks of it,” you said, seeing the dark circles beneath your friend’s eyes. Had John been sleeping at work again? A couple of times you’d come in at half seven, only to find him asleep in his chair, arms and head on the desk.

“Isn’t your sister getting married?” John asked, stretching back in his seat.

“She is, and my mum is pushing at me to take a guest with me, preferably a man,” you sighed.

“Ahh, a means to an end?” John chuckled wryly.

“No. I didn’t say that,” you replied. “I was thinking of asking you before, but you’ve been so snowed under with all these orders and signing them off, and opening up the new factory, I didn’t think you’d want to go. Or have time to. I’m comfortable with you, John. I don’t feel that with many people.”

John couldn’t help but smile shyly at you. “Well, I’m glad you feel like that.”

“The wedding is at some large country townhouse. Most of what my sister tells me just goes in one ear and out the other, so I don’t really know. All I know is that I’m getting a lift up with my auntie and uncle. We don’t want to take too many cars, so we’re all piling in as few as we can.”

John leaned forward in his chair and watched you, your arms moving this way and that as you explained everything to him. He loved watching you gesticulate; you were so passionate and every word you spoke always sounded so heartfelt. You did nothing by half measure. So if he had been invited to such a close family member’s wedding, then you must have really thought a lot of him.

When you left the office, John sighed to himself and leaned back in his chair, looking out the window behind him. His heart was finally beginning to settle back down to its normal rhythm. You always had this effect on him, but he enjoyed every second of it. The only thing he didn’t enjoy was pondering constantly if you actually felt something for him as he did you. Each lunch break you shared with him; you text each other regularly out of work and, a few times, John had even given you a lift to and from work when your car was being repaired.

***

For the next three days, you began searching for your dress. Of course, like you normally did, you left things to the last minute if they were things you didn’t want to do. Seeing your sister get married was not something that particularly bothered you; she had always seemed to dislike you, constantly taking the opposite stance to you in debates, and she made it clear that her life was more complete because she now had a man she was about to marry and had three children from a previous relationship. Her husband to be wasn’t much better either. Most of the time he ignored you, only passing pleasantries because he felt obliged. The saving grace in all of this was John. He would be your comfort and your familiarity. None of your family made sense to you. Your parents were middle-aged, fairly well off, and found more interest in their twice yearly holidays in Spain and Italy. Your two sisters had their own lives to lead now, and you rarely saw them.

It hadn’t come as a surprise that your sister hadn’t chosen you to be a bridesmaid or her maid of honour. Those titles went to your sister’s best friends, more people who looked down on you like you were a piece of excrement they had just trod in.

By the time you chose your dress, it was almost closing time, two days before the big day. You had settled on a lilac strap dress. It was quite modest, simple and wouldn’t (hopefully) bring too much attention to your thicker curves.

***

On the morning of your travel to the wedding venue, you got up and began your normal routine of shower, breakfast and podcasts on your phone. John would be arriving at ten and then your aunt and uncle at eleven to pick you both up. Your uncle was nearing eighty now so you had asked John if he would possibly take over driving half way as the town house was about a two-hour drive away in the middle of nowhere.

Your small suitcase was ready for the two-night stay away. The voice of a kind man spoke into your ears as he discussed ways of combating anxiety and making the most of your life. Listening to podcasts in a morning and journaling always encouraged you to meet the day with a brave face, and today you would desperately need that brave face. The thought of all your judgemental family in one place didn’t particularly please you. If only the earth could open up and you could disappear somewhere for a couple of days.

John arrived at ten promptly. You let him in and closed your eyes, basking in his wonderful aroma as he wafted past you. “Do you want any breakfast?” you asked.

“I already ate before I came out,” he replied. John placed his weekender bag down in the hallway next to your wheelie suitcase.

***

The drive to the venue was quite uneventful. Your uncle Mike drove slowly and you couldn’t help but keep looking across at John from your seat, ready to laugh at the speed. In the middle of you was your five-year-old niece, Lily. She kept looking up at John, grinning.

“Is this your boyfriend?” Lily asked you.

“No, he’s my friend,” you replied, blushing hard.

“Come on now, dear. You’d make a lovely couple,” your aunt Janet chuckled.

John folded his arms and looked out of the car window. You couldn’t help but feel sorry for him; his long legs made him look incredibly uncomfortable, as though he had been folded over many times to fit in the car.

“You should be looking for a nice husband, you know?” uncle Mike said, looking at you through the review mirror. “Mr. Thornton here seems like a good match.”

“Can we just change topic, please?” you insisted. “I think you’re embarrassing him.”

“We didn’t mean anything by it,” aunt Janet replied, sounding sad for upsetting you both.

Once you had arrived at the large house, the grounds covered in acres of trees, plantations and fountains, you all grabbed your belongings from the car and began a steady walk to the hotel which was situated just behind.

Lily held your hand, and for the first time you wondered why she had been forced to come with you. Why hadn’t she gone with your mum and dad? Not that you minded your niece coming along, but it seemed quite harsh breaking her up from her siblings. At least she was with family.

“Auntie (y/n)?” Lily asked politely.

“Yes, sweets?”

She beckoned you down with her small hand so she could whisper in your ear. Her high pitched, melodic voice became low in your ear. “Can you ask Mr. Thornton to dance with me?”

“I’m sure he won’t mind,” you replied, looking over at John.

“Pardon?” John asked, still looking a little uncomfortable and out of place.

“Lily was asking if you’d dance with her at the reception.”

John bent down to the little blonde haired girl and smiled. “You’ll be first on my list,” he said.

The sight of John interacting with your niece made you feel something warm in your chest and it spread outward through you.

“Come on, darlings,” aunt Janet called.

The hotel behind the main venue was a lot more modern, having television screens in the reception and plenty of coffee machines. “Hello,” a well set, dark-haired man said, offering you all a smile. He was dressed in a black suit and you noticed the name Peter on his name badge. “You must be part of the group for the wedding planned for this weekend?”

“We are,” aunt Janet said.

You still kept hold of Lily’s hand and watched John avert his gaze towards the door, as though he wanted to disappear and never be seen again.

“You’ve all been booked into rooms. Can I take all of your names, please?” Peter asked.

Of course you knew that Lily would have to check in properly with her mum and dad, who were strangely absent. Considering that your uncle drove so slow, you seemed to be the first group who had arrived.

Peter then turned to you and John. “I see we just have a ‘plus one’ for you, Sir,” he told John. “But can we take a name.”

“John Thornton.”

“That has all been checked for you. A king-size room is now available for you both.”

You blanched. “Is that one bed or two?” you asked.

“It’s one large bed.”

Oh, shit!

Main tag list: @shikin83 @deepestfirefun @emrfangirl @dabisburntnut @aspookybunny @karlthecat15722 @tigereyesf @swoopswishsward @sunnysidesidra @la-meneur-louve @moony-artnstuff @mama-tole-me-not-2-come @wolfavatar17 @morganofthecoves1 @narnvaeron @hobbitoferebor @meganlpie @thequeenoferebor @mynameisnoneya1991 @jumpingmanatee @xxbyimm @annewoods91 @nowiloveandwilllove @inhabitant-of-the-void @thorinthehottotty @rachel1959 @reinabell @paracosmfantasy @blankdblank @sherala007 @creativelyquestioninglife @c-s-stars @phyreblue @middleearthmama @luna-xial

#John thornton #modern!John thornton #north and south #John Thornton x reader #fanfic #request #north and south au #fanfiction #weddings

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searchingwardrobes · 5 years ago

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My Problems with Once and Adoption/Foster Care

Ya’ll know I love this show, and I love the character of Emma Swan. BUT . . . their portrayal of adoption and foster care - particularly the adults who care for these children - leaves much to be desired. The thing that especially saddens me are those in the fandom who buy into their portrayal without question. I recently started another fic that throws adoption agencies under the bus. I don’t fully fault writer’s. After all, the source material is flawed, and we all want to write Emma in character. However, I just hope I can give you another perspective.

Why in the world am I qualified to talk about this? Well, let’s see . . .

* My cousin fostered to adopt all three of her children, two of them brothers.

* My sister pursued adoption for several years before deciding to embrace being, as she puts it, “the best aunt ever” instead.

* My best friend waited ten years to adopt her precious daughter. She went through the heartbreak of caring for her first child - a son - until his birth mother changed her mind at the last minute before the adoption was final.

* We have a close family friend who is like an “extra grandma” to my kids and her adult daughter was adopted at birth.

* My sister in law and her brother are adopted.

* My husband’s youngest brother and sister were officially adopted by his dad after he married their mom.

* Another close friend of mine adopted her twelve year old daughter from The Philippines two years ago. She was born with her mouth fused shut, no feet, and no hands. I tutored this little girl for a year, and I love her to death!

* A friend of mine who is now in her sixties put her daughter up for adoption when she became pregnant at fourteen. The girl found her as an adult, and they have now forged a relationship.

* Another friend of mine is fostering her niece while her sister is in rehab. Right now, it looks like it may become permanent.

This isn’t even an exhaustive list of all the people I know who have fostered and adopted. These all span multiple locations as well. I know it’s not the same as going through it myself, but all of the above people are dear to me and it hurts me deeply to see their way of life misrepresented.

So here are just a few things that I want to point out concerning the plot on Once:

1. Domestic infant adoption in the US varies state to state, but it basically goes like this:

* If a birth mother decides to pursue an adoption while she is still pregnant, it is HER decision who gets her baby. If she goes through an agency (most common), she will get to look through profiles of potential adoptive parents. This is important to remember, PLEASE! The birth mother chooses the parents, not the other way around. If it’s a private adoption, she usually finds out about the parents through friends, family, or acquaintances, but the choice is still hers. Therefore, if Emma had decided to put Henry up for adoption before he was born, as the show implies, she would have been the one to pick Regina out as his adoptive mom.

* The birth mother can decide to meet the birth parents or never meet them. The birth mother has the right to ask for financial assistance for everything from maternity clothes to counseling after she gives the baby up. The only thing illegal is the mother can’t “sell” her baby. In other words, she can’t make a profit off the adoption.

* The birth mother also gets to decide if it is a closed adoption, semi open, or completely open. Even in a closed adoption, the child has the right to the birth parent’s medical records when they come of age. Open adoptions are on a scale. Some birth mothers attend birthday parties and have regular visitation. Others let the child decide on contact when they reach a certain age. Sometimes they send letters each year on the child’s birthday. There are dozens of arrangements the birth mother can come to with the birth parents, and it all gets spelled out in a legal document.

* The only time an infant is placed in foster care is if the birth mother decides after birth that she doesn’t want the child. This is always temporary. Infants are either returned to the birth parents or are adopted. THERE IS NO GROWING UP FROM INFANCY IN FOSTER CARE! Now, a child can be taken away from their birth home at a later date due to neglect, drug abuse, etc. But no kid is born into foster care. There are thousands of parents in the US waiting for an infant to adopt, more than there are babies to adopt. That’s why it took my best friend TEN YEARS to find her daughter. That’s why when a baby was abandoned at the Atlanta airport a few years back, hundreds of parents called family services wanting the child. The boy had a home (which became permanent) within 48 hours. There is no way a healthy, beautiful baby girl like Emma would have been put in that group home like we saw in season two. At worst, she would have been placed with foster parents temporarily until the waiting period was over. (See below)

* After the infant is given over to the birth parents, there is a waiting period. During that time, the birth mother can change her mind. This varies wildly from state to state. Here in Georgia, it’s two weeks. In Pennsylvania, where my best friend lives, it is an entire month. On day 30, my best friend had to give her son back to his birth mother. I can not convey to you the pain she endured. Having said that, I’m glad birth mothers have the freedom to change their minds. I would never want to go back to the 1950s when babies were ripped from the arms of their devastated mothers who were given no say in the matter. On a side note, some adoptive parents opt to let the baby go to a temporary foster home until the waiting period is over so they don’t go through heartbreak if the birth mother changes her mind. My next door neighbors chose that route when they adopted their daughter, but remember in Georgia, that’s only two weeks. With my best friend, she felt a month was too long and she was willing to love on that child even if it was only for a month.

* Even after the waiting period is over, the adoption is not official until the parents stand before a judge. Legally speaking, this is more binding than birthing a biological child. In other words, there is no going back. No returning the child. No exchanges. No refunds. Which brings me to . . .

THE SWANS GIVING EMMA BACK: If Emma was legally adopted, this would be impossible. She states that she was three when it happened, making it even less credible to me. The only way this would make sense is if they were foster parents who never legally adopted her. It is true that foster parents sometimes decide to stop fostering when they have biological children, but adoption? Nope. (Not to mention the show later claimed that Emma chose the last name Swan herself when she was 9 or 10, so . . . )

2. The cost of adoption:

* I don’t know where the idea comes from that it’s expensive for a birth mother to give her baby up for adoption. The adoptive parents pay for everything, as I stated above, or at the very least, they pay the medical bills. This doesn’t mean it’s EASY for a mother to give up her baby. Props to Jen for portraying Emma’s agony so well in season three! However, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it isn’t the best decision for the CHILD. Obviously, my friend who is now in her sixties was unable to care for a child at 14, when she was a child herself! She was thrilled to hear her birth daughter tell her about the happy home she was raised in. Like Emma tells Henry, birth mother’s give their children up “to give them their best chance.” It is a selfless decision.

* It IS expensive to adopt - for the adoptive parents. There are legal fees, fees for home inspections (which expire and have to be redone yearly), travel fees, medical fees (not only maternity for the birth mother, but physicals for them, their children, and even their pets), and then additional fees if they are paying an agency. This is a simplified list, honestly. A friend of mine had a blog when she was adopting her sons from Ethiopia, and her list of paperwork that had to be filed was mind-boggling.

RUMPLE ARRANGING HENRY’S ADOPTION: Considering all of the above, it had to be an illegal, black market adoption. That does exist -however, it’s usually foreign, not domestic. Nine times out of ten, however, they just swindle couples who are desperate to adopt. But you know, Once writers . . .

3. The reasons parents adopt or foster:

* Inability to conceive - this has to be number one. It’s the reason my best friend adopted, and it’s the reason my sister pursued it for so long. One sad thing? The most common reason for infertility is a disease called polycystic ovarian syndrome. One of the symptoms is weight gain, regardless of diet or exercise. Yet guess what many countries require for you to adopt? A “healthy” BMI. Meaning women with PCOS have an even harder time adopting.

* Compassion for orphans - This is why my friends adopted their daughter from the Philippines. They have two biological children, but when they thought about the millions of orphans in the world, they felt led to share their home and family with a child who did not have one. I know several people who foster for the same reason. They aren’t doing it for a “check from the government.” (And fyi, the government gives them most of that “money” in the form of food stamps and other public benefits that often only covers the bare minimum.)

* A need in their family - My friend who took in her niece had just come upon her “empty nest years,” but she couldn’t look the other way when a three year old little girl was being neglected because of her mother’s addictions. She and her husband were then back to pull ups (the mother hadn’t even attempted potty training), preschool cartoons, and teaching the ABCs. Their niece also had spent so much time in an exersaucer that her legs were crippled and she still couldn’t walk. They had to pay for braces on her legs and physical therapy. But how could they turn away their own flesh and blood? (By the way, she is now five years old and thriving!)

REASONS TO ADOPT ACCORDING TO ONCE: To fulfill your own needs and soothe your own loneliness. I’m not saying there aren’t awful, selfish people out there who adopt for that reason, but I ask you: How many people would be willing to go through ALL the difficulties I described above for selfish reasons? It just doesn’t make sense. And frankly, it is insulting to the many adoptive and foster parents that I know and love.

4. Regardless of all of the above, adopted kids DO struggle at times.

* Mary Margaret tells Emma in season one that Henry has the same question that all adopted kids do: “why did my real parents give me up?” (I’m paraphrasing, but you remember this scene, I’m sure). This is actually true. Pretty much every family I know who has adopted, their kids have gone through this at some point. No matter how loving a home they are raised in, this question inevitably comes up. Some kids (or adults) meet their birth parents and find peace : they really weren’t able to take care of me, they really did want what was best for me, they did it because they loved me. For others, meeting their birth parents is painful. Yet none of that means the adoption wasn’t the best choice or that the adoptive parents were awful to the child (like Regina).

* Is the foster care system in the US flawed? Yes. There are too many cases and not enough social workers. Children fall through the cracks, some of them have tragically died. However, if you actually look into the facts in such cases, children are most often injured or killed not by foster parents, but by their birth parents. Usually it is the system’s failure to remove children from dangerous homes that is the problem, not cruel foster parents. There are also not enough foster parents for children who need homes, with older children being the hardest ones to place. Many of these kids are suffering from severe trauma and caring for them isn’t easy. Typically, the reason kids are bounced around in the system is because their parents keep regaining custody, loosing it again, regaining it again, etc, etc. By the time the parents either get their shit together or relinquish custody, the kid’s a preteen or teen. So my question for Once is:

WHY DID EMMA GET BOUNCED AROUND? She was put back in the system at three, but we don’t see her again until she’s eight or so at the movie theater. Do you really expect me to believe they couldn’t find a home for adorable, sweet, smart little three year old Emma? My sister would have adopted a little girl like that in a heartbeat! She wouldn’t have cared that she was three. We’re told that Emma kept running away, but at three?

No way little Emma was incapable of being adopted. I just don’t buy it. Since adopted kids have issues even in loving homes, why couldn’t that have been the writer’s narrative? Couldn’t Emma’s adoptive parents simply died at some point? In my opinion, the whole thing was just lazy writing.

#melanie rants #once critique

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lynxalon · 5 years ago

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all the even numbers 🤗

You are a BlessingTM 🙏

2. Chocolate bars or lollipops?

4. How did your elementary school teachers describe you? - Quiet, head either in the clouds or in a book.

6. Pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal, or sportswear? - Consider, grunge boho... Either that or formal grunge lol.

8. Movies or tv shows?

10. Game you were best at in p.e.? - Volleyball.

12. Name of your favorite playlist? - BTS paved the way lolol

14. Favorite non-chocolate candy? - Pop rocks.

16. Most comfortable position to sit in? - Cross-legged.

18. Ideal weather? - Stormy weather 😍😍😍 Lightning and thunder and rain are so calming to me

20. Preferred place to write? (I.e., in a notebook, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.) - My laptop, my hands cramp really easily so I usually write there or occassionally on myphone if I'm not around my laptop or have a Sudden Important Idea.

22. Role model? - In order: My nana, then BTS. I was gonna add more but. Idk who else I would want to add.

24. Favorite crystal? - Probably onyx.

26. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? - Swim!!!

28. Five songs to describe you? - Awake by BTS Jin, Epiphany by BTS Jin, Tonight by BTS Jin, Promise by BTS Jimin, and 19 by Stray Kids. Bonus: First Love by BTS Suga.

30. Places that your find sacred? - The very top of the magnolia tree in my front yard.

32. Top five favorite vines? - 'Look at all those chickens!', 'T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-TARGET,' 'I won't hesitate, b i t c h,' 'What up I'm Jared I'm 19 and I never fucking learned how to read,' and 'Ha ha ha, I do that.'

34. Advertisements you have stuck in head? - '1-800-CONTACTS!'

36. What is the first meme you remember ever seeing? - I was gonna say the 'keep calm' things but. Then I thought about those cat memes, you know the one's. Like the 'Aliens' cat. Idk if that counts but I'm putting that cause anything else I can think of is Cursed fandom memes.

38. Lemonade or tea? - Tea, specifically sweet tea, but no one's tea but mine. Everyone else's tea is disgusting, even in Louisiana you go to fucking Sonic and they don't know how to make basic fucking sweet tea like? This is the south? Make it right???

40. Weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? - Okay so the school built this massive fucking ventilator system for the gym cause it was always balls hot in there or freezer burn cold, so that was fine. Well, lots of students smoked weed in the back of the gym where no one can see you unless they're Looking for you. I'm sure you can tell where this is going already. So, one day after the ventilators are finished and everything is back to normal, some kids smoked weed in the gym and well... It ended up reaching Every Goddamn Part of the school. The smell of weed was fucking everywhere. It Stunk. It was so bad that school was cancelled for the rest of the day and we all went home.

42. Jacket pockets of pants pockets?

44. Favorite scent for soap? - Okay so my sense of smell is pretty sensitive, so some smells are really triggering in that they can trigger horrible headches, panic attacks, dizziness, etc. Uaually, I'm around a lot of neutral scents so I'm fine, but lots of shampoos, conditioners, and soaps have extreme scents. So, either a subdued floral scent or a really plain and basic unscented soap.

46. Most comfortable outfit to sleep in? - Pants/shorts and a shirt or nothing.

48. If you were a fruit, what kind would you be? - I don't know what a fruit is, but I think a lemon is a fruit. Even if it's not, that's what I'm choosing lol

50. What made you laugh the hardest you ever have? - Tbh, some things really easily set me off laughing for like 20 minutes so idk. Maybe the inside 'Spoon' joke with my friend.

52. Favorite font? - Word's High Tower Text is really nice. Or Papyrus. Or Tempus Sans.

54. What did you learn from your first job? - Technically, my first job was with my family and helping them at funerals. I learned that because I was afab that I wouldn't get to help with the manual labor. So, I didn't work much and eventually quit going with them after I got fed up with it.

56. Favorite tradition? - I'm not sure if there are any traditions I like. Most of them like Christmas gatherings, Thanksgiving meals, and things like that had me surrounded by racist, homophobic, transphobic people. People that I barely knew and was forced to be around and hug and talk to despite my being perfectly fine with only talking to close family or to no one at all. If I had to choose one, I'd say my family's tradition of yearly crawfish boils with the family. That was actually fun, and plus crawfish... Yum. We haven't done crawfish boils as much since my aunt died, but I hope we do more in the future.

58. Four talents you're peoud of having? - Writing! I'm not sure what else lol. Ig, I can play chess well. I can Google search anything and 96% of the time find what I'm looking for. I can find any movie or tv show, as well as any music.

60. If you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? - Ooh, definitely fantasy with powers and stuff like that!!!

62. Seven characters you relate to? - Dickon Sowerby from The Secret Garden, Luna Lovegood, Wednesday Addams, the ninth doctor, Alice from Alice in wonderland, Eeyore, and probably Inigo Montoya from The Princess Bride.

64. Favorite website from your childhood? - Poptropica and Cool Math.

66. Favorite flowers? - Honeysuckle, gardenias, carnations, balloon flowers, and zinnias.

68. Worst flavor of any food or drink you've ever tried? - Bubblegum slushie. Tbh it was alright but the aftertaste... Yuck.

70. Left handed or right handed? - Mixed-handed. If you don't know what that is, it's just favoring one hand for certain tasks, and the other for others whereas ambidextrous is beinf able to use either hand effeciently for the same task. For example, I write with my right hand, but I can use my mouse better eith my left. Though, I tend to use my right for that too.

72. Worst subject? - P.e. I have very limited energy as it is so. Being graded on that shit? Yuck.

74. At what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before yiu take an advil or ibuprofen? - So, I'm in pain All the Time. That's just a thing. My average daily pain level is always at 3-4. On a bad day, I can get up to 7. But, I generally don't take anything until I'm at 9. It just seems pointless, because I'll still be in paib regardless. And, I don't want to use certain meds so much that they stop working as well.

76. What's your favorite potato food? (I.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.) - Literally, ALL potato foods. I fucking love potatoes.

78. Coffee from a gas station or sushi from a groxery store? - I don't like sushi period so... Coffee from a gas station.

80. Earth tones or jewel tones?

82. Pc or console? - Console because pcs Confuse me.

84. Podcasts or talk radio? - Lol, neither. I can't process things I hear for Shit even on a good day so. Ye.

86. Cookies of cupcakes?

88. Your greatest wish? - Financial stability.

90. Luckiest mistake? - Tbh, I have a complex about mistakes and try to make 0 mistakes so. Idk. I can't think of any mistake that was lucky. Plenty of ordinary events that turned out really nice, like wearing my pentagram necklace and meeting my friend Brook because of it. But yeah, no mistake I've made has been a lucky one.

92. Lamps, overhead lights, sunlight, or fairy lights? - Ig lamps? I have a salt lamp that's really nice.

94. Favorite season? - Spring!

96. Desktop background? - Uh. I never got around to changing it lol... If I ever do get around to changing it, it'll either be Taehyung or Jungwoo.

98. Favorite historical era? - The 1860s, strictly for the dresses and nothing else.

Thank you for asking these! They took a Hot Minute to do but it was so much fun!!!

weird asks that say a lot

#kris speaks #answered asks #you are a blessing! an angel!!! thank you for asking these!!!!!

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redstreakfox · 5 years ago

Text

Before the night ends, I want to give the wishings of a Merry Christmas to the Mao Mao fandom and especially to @fanfics-and-theories-and-stuff whom I had the pleasure of being their secret santa in the gift exchange. I apologize if this is getting to you past when it would be considered Christmas wherever you live. I’ve never written a story with someone else’s OC before but I hope I captured her well for you and I hope you really enjoy what I wrote! Also a shout out to @maomaosmother for hosting another wonderful event!

Prompt: The sheriff trio and OC Kaiya enjoy Christmas carols around the fire while it snows outside

If there was one word Mao could think of to summarize his emotions that morning, it would be ‘nervous.’

And why wouldn’t it be? It’s not as if this was a turn of events he could have predicted.

It was several months back when Mao had gotten a phone call from his older sister Minori, a groaning sound coming from her end before Mao Mao had even had the chance to offer her a hello. Their father, Shin Mao, was a man who viewed any amount of complaining as a sign of weakness, an inability to take control over one’s problems, and so the Mao siblings more often than not had to rely on each other for any form of support in regard to their more negative emotions.

At first it was merely a routine exchange, another chance for Minori to vent her frustrations over the difficulties in trying to maintain both her hero duties and her responsibilities as the owner of a local eatery she had established in a larger kingdom she had recently settled in (business was good, her souffles were still known as her specialty.) This time, however, his sister seemed more tense than usual. She was barreling through a rant over an incorrect utility bill she had received when she also mentioned finding a hand written letter in the mail from a ‘Kaiya,’ and Mao would have thought nothing of it had his sister not immediately tried to walk back her mentioning of it.

Naturally, he asked about it, and unexpectedly his sister tried to lie in response. It only took him asking one more time before she caved and told him more. None of the Mao siblings were good liars, after all, another trait they could thank Shin Mao for.

What he wasn’t expecting to be told, however, was that Kaiya was a younger sister who had been all but scrubbed out from the official familial records. Minori was light on the details, knowing very little herself. An incident involving a different clan, a promise their mother made that even Shin Mao refused to speak of. It was a lot for Mao Mao to process, even with so much of the necessary information still missing.

That’s why, just a few weeks later, he both was and wasn’t surprised to find his own mysterious letter mixed in with his regular assortment of mail. It was just as Minori had recounted, a handwritten letter from someone named ‘Kaiya’ with the intent to introduce themselves. The wording of the letter seemed earnest enough, and even if a small part of Mao wondered if this was some sort of trick, the larger part still felt a sense of obligation to respond back, especially if it was someone claiming to be related to him.

And for a while that’s how things went. A series of correspondences only carried out in letter form; attempts to know each other and share stories about what growing up was like for the both of them. It was on a whim, after running the idea by both Badgerclops and Adorabat first, that he decided to invite her to a small holiday get together at Sheriff HQ. It was going to be Mao’s first Christmas spent in Pure Heart Valley, and what better way to keep a night of firsts going than finally meeting Kaiya face to face?

As it turned out, things had a way of lining up for the better. Kaiya noted that she would have been passing through Pure Heart around that time anyway (something about a yearly caroling trip she made with friends during the winter season) and so she would be able to stay over for the day before leaving later that night to go singing out in the kingdom.

It wasn’t long before that day finally arrived. The trio spent all morning decorating their living room and tree, chopping wood, preparing holiday treats, and it wasn’t until later that afternoon, once the doorbell rang and Kaiya had stepped across the threshold into their home for the first time, that Mao found a new description for his suddenly changing disposition: cautiously hopeful.

At first, things were noticeably awkward. Small talk that seemed to go nowhere, a tour of their headquarters where one of the smoke bombs Adorabat had been presenting got accidentally set off, and even a moment where Mao began choking on one of the prepared snacks. The incident was relatively small and only lasted for a moment, but it was simply another item to add to the list of ways in which Mao thought the visit was turning into a disaster.

It wasn’t until later, when Kaiya was perusing over a bookshelf, did things seem to finally settle into a better direction. It was a photo album she had found, or at least it was an attempted one.

The Mao clan had never been necessarily considered affectionate with one another. All of Mao’s childhood had been dedicated to training (well, self-training) and his sisters were often too busy with their father’s hero regimen to spend any quality time with each other. Even holidays were considered less of a break and more so a day where the workload just simply wasn’t as heavy. And all of that reflected in the book she had found, where pictures of the Mao clan together were few and far between.

Even still, to Kaiya, it was much more than she had previously seen of them, having been raised outside of the family. And even with his own hang ups, Mao found himself more than willing to indulge her in her questions. Some came easier than others, obviously. Mao Mao’s voice finding a slight sense of warmth when the discussion managed to linger on the sibling side of things rather than the parental, and for her own part Kaiya seemed less inclined to want to discuss her parentage as well.

It was during a sudden lull in the conversation when the two cats finally noticed that they had lost track of time. The descending sun had given away fully to the darkness of night long ago while Badgerclops and Adorabat, who at first had been quietly listening to Mao discuss his family, had slipped away to play with the new toys the blue bat had received that morning.

Kaiya then began to move about at a tempered pace, she had plans to meet her caroling group in the kingdom’s central plaza and she was now behind schedule, but there was a part of her that hesitated at the idea of ending her visit so abruptly. Mao assured her that he understood, assuring her that there would be more chances to see each other in the future. Kaiya slipped on her coat over her long, light blue skirt and leggings and began walking with her brother to the door when they discovered that the weather had decided on other plans that evening.

A sudden chilling gale blew past the pair, and even with the door open just a crack a small pile of snow had managed to slide into Mao’s home from outside. It was a snowstorm, and any chance of leaving had now dropped down to near zero. With a growl, Mao called out to Badgerclops that it had been his job to periodically check up on the weather while the badger argued back that it was the cat’s job to make sure his sister was able to make her obligations on time. It wasn’t until Adorabat added her own voice into the mix, yelling about their yelling, that things went from bad to worse.

In an instant, as if the world itself had closed its eyes, their surroundings were suddenly cast into pitch darkness. There was no mistaking it, a power outage thanks to the raging storm.

There was confusion to begin with, Adorabat seeking out Mao Mao in the darkness while Badgerclops tried his best not to accidentally trip over anything. The black cat was about to call out to them and take charge when another voice cut through the darkness instead. Kaiya called out and asked Badgerclops if his arm could be used as a flashlight, the mustelid giving a sheepish chuckle in response as he joked about why he hadn’t already thought about doing that.

Once he produced a source of light, Kaiya began to divvy out tasks: Adorabat was to collect some of the leftover snacks and Mao Mao was to gather some of the wood that had been chopped that morning, all while Badgerclops used his light to help guide them. She gave them all a time limit of ten minutes before they were to reconvene in front of the fireplace. It was during his time finding the wood that Mao Mao couldn’t help but smile to himself about the situation; taking charge of the situation just as he was about to, maybe they were more alike as siblings than even he anticipated.

The sheriff trio arrived back at the empty fireplace before the ten minutes, the badger and cat already taking the initiative to place a few logs in hearth and to get a flame started in order to alleviate some of the ever creeping cold. It wasn’t until the very end of the allotted time that Kaiya made her way over to the roaring fire and joined them, pulling out from behind her an old broadcast radio she said she had noticed in the office room during the tour.

After tinkering around with the device for a moment they found that it already had batteries inside, most likely left in there by one of the previous sheriffs to whom it had belonged to. It took even longer to find a signal that was anything more than loud static, but once they found a channel that worked it brought a smile to each of their faces. Christmas music, carols, holiday tunes with sweet, merry voices that seemed to mix with the warmth of the fire and make it glow that much brighter and drown out the roaring of the snow outside.

They spent the rest of the night like this. Letting the yuletide songs carry their conversation as they happily shared the food Adorabat had brought, blankets cozily wrapped around them as every now and then they raised their own voices in song if they knew the words.

It was a couple of hours later when the last of them finally fell asleep nestled near the coaxing warmth of the fire. It was another hour still before the radio finally died, the only song left playing then being the soft crackle of the burning wood before them and the whispers of fresh snow falling just out beyond the window.

#mao mao #mmhoph #fanfic #mao mao secret santa #OC

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youngjusticeslut · 6 years ago

Text

Love, Actually

Fandom: Young Justice Links: FF.net // AO3 Characters: Roy Will Harper, Kaldur’ahm, Artemis Crock, Lian Harper, Cassie Sandsmark, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Barbara Gordon, Jaime Reyes, Bart Allen, M’gann M’orzz, Conner Kent, Virgil Hawking, Traci Thurston, Violet Harper, Brion Markov, Forager Ships: Wonderbird, Karen/Mal, Dick/Barbara, Bluepulse, Supermartian, Briolet Summary: Everyone spends Valentine's day differently. A quick glimpse into the lives of many different couples, and some singles. Rating: T Word Count: 4793 Disclaimer: I don’t own any of these characters. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone <3

“I trust that the shipment of military goods has reached its destination without alarm?” Kaldur asked, looking over his notes. He’d reached the bottom of his list, now it was just the smaller matters that needed addressing.

“More or less,” Captain Marvel answered. “There were a few distractions.”

“But the end result remains the same,” Martian Manhunter assured. “The shipment is settled and on route to those who need it.”

“Excellent,” Wonder Woman announced. “Is there anything else, Aquaman?”

Kaldur glanced down his list again. In his pocket, his phone continued to vibrate. It had been going off without pause since the start of the meeting. He knew it wasn’t urgent, for if it was, an alert would have sounded off at the Watchtower. Curiosity was starting to get the better of him, however.

The remainder of the list could wait for another time.

“No, we have covered everything. Meeting adjourned,” he declared, nodding to Wonder Woman’s hologram. She nodded back, then vanished. He stayed behind, taking the time to say goodbye to each and every leaguer. Kaldur always made sure that he was the last person in the room after these meetings. It gave him a sense of peace, knowing everyone was headed off to other things. Only once the room had cleared did he bother to fish out his phone.

Sixteen new messages lit up Kaldur’s screen. The vast majority of them were the same, wishing him a happy Valentine’s Day. He hummed to himself, reading each one. Some even contained pictures. His favorite was of Lian and Will, faces pressed close to the camera, both covered in frosting. Kaldur smiled, almost wanting to call Will and find out the whole story, but a quick glance at the time told him that Will would be at Bowhunter for the next few hours; the conversation would have to wait.

In all truth, Kaldur had forgotten that it was Valentine’s day. Between managing the League and continuing to maintain his secrets, he did not have much time to devote to personal matters. Twirling his phone in his hands, his mind began to wander to someone who did. Someone who had far too much time on her hands, especially today. He unlocked his phone for the second time and found her number, dialing and pressing the speaker to his ear.

“ Hello? ”

“Tell me you are not where I think you are.”

A sigh. “ No such luck. ”

Kaldur frowned. “Is this going to become a yearly occurrence?”

“ Did you call to check in, or lecture me? ”

“The former, admittedly. Are you alright?”

“ Never better .” Her voice said otherwise. Kaldur gripped the phone tight in his hand, debating on whether or not to say something. On one hand, it wasn’t his place. It was absolutely none of his business what she did with her time. On the other hand, she was his friend, and she was hurting.

“Do you wish for company?”

“ You don’t have to. ”

Kaldur almost smiled. If she had said no, it would have meant she wanted to be alone. But she hadn’t said no. “Two minutes, Tigress.”

Artemis said goodbye and hung up the call, putting the phone back in her pocket. Letting out a deep breath, she stared back up at Wally’s hologram.

“Will and I were up half the night baking cupcakes for Lian’s Valentine’s day party. A bunch of toddlers hyped up on sugar sounds like a terrible idea to me, but I’m not the one dealing with the repercussions,” she said, setting a cupcake down at the foot of the hologram. “Double chocolate with heart-shaped sprinkles. You can tell that I made this one, because it looks like shit.”

Artemis hadn’t meant to make coming to the Grotto a yearly thing. Her first Valentine’s day without Wally, she’d been lonely and needed to see his face. She hadn’t wanted anyone to see her pore over pictures or videos, so she sought the private intimacy of the Grotto. Admittedly, she’d felt better after talking to his hologram. Artemis had promised herself that she didn’t need to do it this year, that she had plenty going on in her life and she didn’t need to come.

Yet here she was.

It was increasingly pathetic, but the moment Lian was at daycare, Will was at work and Halo was at school, she’d felt the loneliness tugging at her heart. Ten minutes hadn’t passed before Artemis had put on her shoes and headed for the nearest Zeta. Pathetic, but it helped. Nobody would have known if she’d just kept her big mouth shut the previous year and hadn’t admitted the truth to Kaldur. But now he knew, and now he was on his way.

Artemis felt his presence before she saw him. It was amazing how connected they both were after working so closely undercover. She turned, cocking her head to the side in a hello. “You rang?”

Kaldur nodded, resting a hand on her shoulder. “Do I get a cupcake?”

“No, I just brought one. But we have more at home.”

“I know,” Kaldur said, lifting his eyes to stare at the hologram of his fallen friend. He wasn’t able to look for more than a couple seconds before he had to glance away. “Will told me I could come over.”

Artemis nodded and then crossed her arms. “I’m fine, Kal. Really.”

“I know.”

“And I should get going. I’m going to be late for work,” Artemis groaned, gently shrugging away from Kaldur’s hand and fixing her ponytail. “Some Valentine’s Day, huh?”

“Indeed. If you need me-”

“I know,” Artemis finished for him, shooting him a grin. “I promise I’m okay. Walk me out?”

“I think I will take a few more minutes.” Kaldur’s feet moved of their own accord until he found himself in front of Tula’s hologram.

Artemis watched him and thought it best not to get into it; if she did, she really would be late to work. She left the Grotto, pulling out her phone again. Speaking of Valentine’s day, there was a certain bat she needed to check on.

If ur late 2 training again and leave me w/the lovebirds, you’ll be missing ur namesake by nightfall

Dick couldn’t help but laugh as he read Artemis’ text. “Think I should take that challenge?” he asked his girlfriend, showing her the text. Barbara’s eyes glanced across the screen before she shook her head.

“Too risky. Your namesake is far too useful,” she growled, pulling him closer. Dick smirked, leaning down to kiss his girlfriend. Their first Valentine’s day together was off to an excellent start. He had snuck into her apartment late the previous night, but Barbara was happy to have him. From the moment his eyes had opened she was all over him, and for once Dick had nowhere to be, so he was more than happy to oblige.

Dick pulled back from the kiss, leaning against Barbara’s chest. “Happy Valentine’s day.”

“So the Boy Wonder remembered this year.”

“Hey, technically we weren’t together last year,” Dick reminded, pushing his bangs away from his face.

Barbara pushed herself up against her pillows, raising her brow. “Didn’t stop you from coming over.”

“I love it when you banter with me,” he mused, tucking some hair behind his girlfriend’s ear. “It’s the best kind of foreplay.”

“Round two already? You’ve got a lot of energy this morning,” Barbara teased, pulling him down for another kiss.

Dick kissed her back, nipping at her bottom lip. “Well, what can I say? It’s not the holiday of love every morning.” He backed up, cracking his neck with a satisfying pop. Barbara watched as he clambered off the bed, looking for his discarded jeans.

“If you pull out a jewelry box from your pants pocket, I may actually kill you.”

“Not even ten am and my life has been threatened twice. Business as usual,” Dick sighed as he indeed slid a black rectangle out of his jeans pocket. “Just let me be a good boyfriend.”

“A cliche boyfriend,” Barbara groaned, trying to get comfortable against the pillows. But even she couldn’t hide the interest in her voice. Try as she might to deny it, she wanted the present.

Just as Dick was about to hand it over, he held it out of reach. “I mean if you don’t want it.”

“You already bought it.”

“I could return it.”

“Grayson, give me the box,” Barbara demanded. “Is it ugly?”

“Yes, Bruce picked it out.” Barbara rolled her eyes and snatched the box from him. Dick got dressed as she opened the clasp; he tried not to smirk when her face lit up. “Did I do good?”

“Oh Grayson, you did good ,” Barbara said, snapping the sapphire bracelet closed on her wrist. “I’m not a jewelry girl, but this… this I can do.”

“Good,” Dick grinned, pecking her lips before he put his shirt on. “I have to get going, but how do you feel about dinner tonight? We can hit the town, somewhere nice.”

Barbara nodded, picking up her phone. She smiled as she engaged with the plethora of Valentine’s day messages, her heart melting when she saw a picture of Karen and Mal’s infant daughter dressed up in a onesie covered with hearts. “Eight PM?”

“It’s a date.” Dick waved before he darted out of the room. “Say hi to Karen for me!” he called back.

Karen and Mal had been awake since four that morning, but nobody would have been able to guess. Little Lydia had woken them up for her breakfast, and since then they’d been constantly on the move. Karen did her research while her daughter ate, and Mal started on the laundry. Laundry tumbled into the dishes, which tumbled into vacuuming the living room and cleaning up the cat’s litter box, so it was easy to see why they were still awake.

After Lydia’s second feeding, Karen had the brilliant idea to do a little bit of a photoshoot with their new daughter. Mal had been all for it and immediately got out his camera, and that’s when the real fun began.

“Oh, she is so going to hate us for this when she’s older,” Karen said as she looked through the photos they’d taken. “I can’t believe you talked me into dressing her up like Cupid.”

“She looks adorable, though.” Mal looked to Lydia, who sucked contently on her pacifier in Karen’s arms. “We’re her parents, we’re allowed to embarrass her like this.”

“I’ll agree to that,” Karen agreed, standing up. “I’m getting hungry, you want something?”

“I could eat. Let me take the baby, I’ll make pancakes.”

Karen raised a brow but then smiled in relief. “I would appreciate it. Dr. Fischer really needs this report by six tomorrow and I’ve fallen behind.” Mal took Lydia in his arms and gave her soft head a kiss before placed her in the baby carrier on his chest. Will had given it to him as a present, and admittedly Mal thought he would never use it. Now he wore the thing pretty much all day.

“Let’s make your Mama some breakfast so she can work. Sound good?” Mal cooed to their daughter as he walked into the kitchen. Pancakes sounded like the perfect easy breakfast to make for the both of them. It was Valentine’s day, he could make them heart-shaped. Between baby and work, he hadn’t had much time to prepare anything special for Karen, so letting her work and making her breakfast was the least he could do.

Lydia fell asleep somewhere between mixing the batter and pouring hearts out on the griddle. Mal was glad for that, because these rare moments of peace and quiet were ones to be savored. Their daughter had a pair of lungs on her, and more often than not, their house was a place of natural chaos. “Pancakes will be ready in a minute. You want blueberries or chocolate chips?”

“Be crazy, do both,” Karen called back.

Mal laughed before doing as she asked. Their ideas of crazy had certainly changed since becoming parents, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. When Karen could smell the pancakes, she left her work and started to set the table for breakfast.

“I have a question,” Mal announced.

“Shoot.”

“Should we be getting married?”

Karen snorted, pouring herself and Mal some coffee. “Do you want to get married?”

“I’m not in a rush,” Mal admitted, flipping the last pancake on a plate before turning off the stove. “I just thought it might be weird, both of us parents and not married.”

“It’s 2019, Mal. We don’t need to be married to have a baby. Besides, our lives are so busy right now, why get married?”

“You’re right,” Mal admitted. “You always are.”

Karen pecked his cheek as he joined her at the table. “And don’t you forget it. Leave the wedding stuff to Conner and M’gann.”

“Sounds good to me. Oh, and Karen?”

“Hm?”

Mal pulled her in for a deeper kiss. “Happy Valentine’s day.”

“You know, when you said you had a fun idea for Valentine’s day, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Conner admitted over their mind link. In front of him were a plethora of different wedding pamphlets and brochures, detailing everything from tablecloths to DJs. Figures that on the one day they both had free, they had to spend it planning the wedding. M’gann shot him a sympathetic look, taking his hand.

“I know, but if you want to get married this summer, then we have to do the boring stuff.” She pecked him quickly on the cheek. “We have to pick a venue, that’s most important. .”

“Watchtower.”

“Conner.”

“What’s wrong with here?”

“We live here.”

Conner chuckled before shrugging. “So? It’s beautiful here. Picture it, we could get married among the apple trees.” M’gann did picture it, and it was beautiful. It wasn’t what she’d originally imagined, but it would definitely save them money on a venue. And they didn’t have to worry about secrecy or a cap on wedding guests.

“I like it.” M’gann crossed off an item from her very long to-do list. “We’ll have the wedding here, great idea, Conner.”

“I have those from time to time,” he tried to joke, picking up another pamphlet. “Do tablecloth colors really matter?”

“In theory they don’t,” M’gann said, feeling a little mind-boggled herself. They’d been at this for the better part of the morning, and it was edging closer and closer to lunch. “Hey, I think I’m starting to have a good idea too.”

“What’s that?”

“Let’s stop and go out for lunch. We can go to that Chinese place you like,” M’gann suggested. “It’s Valentine’s day, let’s go out and have some fun.”

Conner smiled but gestured to the table. “What about all this?”

“It’ll still be here when we come back,” M’gann said, standing up and tugging on his hand. “It’ll be the perfect excuse to skip out on training the Outsiders,” she added with a bit of a wicked glint in her eyes. “Dick can’t say anything if we have to make decisions today.”

“You’re amazing. Let me get my jacket and we can go.”

“I’ll be by the door,” M’gann said, sliding into her boots before grabbing her phone. If she remembered correctly, the team had gone out last night. Argentina, or something. Bart and Jaime had managed to convince everyone to go salsa dancing for a ‘pre-Valentine’s day bash’. M’gann loved her team, and she was willing to turn a blind eye at some of the pictures they’d accidentally sent to the group chat she was a part of. Back in the good old days, her team had gotten up to some trouble, and she wasn’t about to start acting pious now.

In the interest of worrying for your well-beings, I’m going to suggest plenty of Advil and orange juice today. Oh, and fried foods. That helps too. Oh, and Happy Valentine’s Day <3

“Oh God,” Virgil groaned, rubbing his temple as he tossed his phone to the side. “Which one of you idiots sent the pictures to the wrong group chat?”

“That might of been me,” Traci admitted, chugging back some Cola. “I had way too much to drink last night.”

“Whose idea was it to go salsa dancing in a country where we’re legal to drink?” Cassie asked, laying on the couch. “Because whoever's idea it was, I have a bone to pick with them.”

Bart raised his hand from the floor. “That would be me. And Jaime.”

“Right. Well, fuck you guys.”

“Second that,” Virgil muttered.

Jaime rolled his eyes, shooting a look to his boyfriend. A very annoyed look that read ‘can you believe this?’. “No one made you guys drink. That is all on you all.”

“Fair point,” Traci muttered. “But being that it was your idea, I suggest y’all be the ones to get us food and Advil.”

Bart rolled his eyes but pushed himself up the floor, extending a hand to Jaime. “Fine. I think there’s some make-at-home Chicken Whizzees in the freezer,” he said.

“Gross,” Cassie sneered. “Nothing vegetarian?”

“Nope.”

“Great,” she sighed before standing up herself. “I’ll head home then.”

“Suit yourself,” Jaime called before following Bart into his kitchen. No sooner were the Chicken Whizzees in the oven was Bart pressed against the wall. He grinned, throwing his head back.

“So, fun Valentine’s day?”

“The best,” Jaime said, nibbling at his neck. “I think everyone else is just bitter because they’re single.”

“Would you consider Cassie single?”

Jaime shrugged. “Tim didn’t send her anything today, so I think the message is kinda clear,” he admitted.

“Ouch. Well, I’m not bitter.”

“Neither am I.” Jaime bent forward, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s mouth. Bart responded eagerly, wrapping his arms around his neck. After a few minutes of slow, supple kissing, Bart pulled away, cheeks flushed. They’d only started dating recently, and this was still new to him. They hadn’t even come out as a couple to the team yet. Though, given how close they were dancing last night, it was safe to assume that they probably knew.

“I had fun last night,” Bart admitted. “Even though I don’t remember half of it.”

“It’s okay, I remember enough. You’re cute when you’re drunk, Cariño,” Jaime purred, nuzzling against Bart’s nose. “It’s a Valentine’s day I’ll never forget.”

Bart kissed him again before a cough came from the doorway. They immediately broke apart, turning red as Traci watched with utter amusement. “Y’all are such dorks,” she muttered. “Food ready yet? It’s past lunchtime and I’m starving.”

Jaime and Bart had gotten one thing right, though; Cassie was indeed bitter. Who could blame her, though? Tim and her were still on the rocks, and to make matters worse, he hadn’t even wished her a happy Valentine’s day.

By the time she got home, it was late in the afternoon and she was in no mood for conversation. She was hungry, exhausted, hungover and just wanting a nap. More than anything, she was hurt. Cassie loved her boyfriend, and before he’d left the team they’d been incredibly close. They had gone out on a handful of dates since then, but every time they ended in some kind of argument.

She finally reached her room and flopped on her bed, covering her face. Maybe it was time to finally call it quits. What was the point in even dragging it on any longer? Cassie pulled her hands away from her face and checked her phone, but nothing was there. Frowning, she let out a loud huff and flopped over to her stomach. She’d sleep on it and then decide what to do when she was a bit less grumpy.

Something caught her gaze in her peripheral vision. Cassie turned her head, only for her jaw to drop open. A card sat on her nightstand. On top of a very large box of chocolates and leaning on a hot pink teddy bear. She immediately sat up, regretting it when her head throbbed angrily in protest. Massaging her temple, she opened the card and felt all her annoyance just melt away. A picture of her and Tim, grinning at the camera, sat inside the card. Cassie peeled the picture away to observe what he wrote.

I know you’re still mad at me, and you have every right to be. Right now, I can’t explain. I wish I could. And I understand if you never want to talk to me again, or if you want to end this. But I love you, and even though we’re fighting, you still deserve the world for Valentine’s day. I promise everything will make sense soon.

Love, Tim

Tim watched Cassie read the card from the opposite rooftop, keeping in the shadows so she wouldn’t see him. It was better to leave it silent and undetected; if she saw him, it would leave room for another argument. When he saw her smile, he took that as his cue to depart, feeling like he finally did something right. He pulled out his phone, finding Dick’s number and ringing it with a satisfied little grin.

“ So? ”

“I think she liked it.”

Tim could almost feel Dick smirking over the line. “ Told you that it would. She’s definitely going to feel the aster now .”

The younger bat rolled his eyes. “Can you not use your unwords with me? They make no sense.”

“Stay whelmed, Timothy. One day, my skills will rub onto you.”

“ Fat chance. ”

Dick was about to respond, but he looked at the time and grimaced. Six thirty and he was still in uniform; Barbara was going to kill him. “Good luck with that. Right now, I have a team training to finish up,” he said before hanging up the call. He looked to Brion, Forager and Halo who were finishing up one of their drills. “Good work, team!”

Brion was panting hard as he walked up to Dick. “How would you know? You were just on your phone.”

“The power of multitasking is one of my secret abilities, Hot Lava,” Dick said, igniting a snort from Artemis.

“I was watching,” the blonde said, crossing her arms. “You guys did good. And I think it’s about time we called it a night.”

“I’ll second that. I’m running late to my dinner with Barbara.”

“Then you should have ended training thirty minutes ago,” Artemis pointed out. “Go, I’ll wrap up here,” she said, waving him off. Dick gave her a salute and didn’t so much as utter a goodbye before leaving his team behind. Artemis rolled her eyes, watching him go before turning her attention back at the team. “You guys are dismissed. Good work today.”

“But... it is early,” Violet said, landing on the ground and stopping to glow. Usually their practices didn’t end until eight, or nine if Dick was in a particular mood.“What will we do?”

“Lucas Carr has promised Forager a thrilling nature documentary,” the bug said, clicking happily. “Violet Harper and Brion Markov are more than welcome to join.”

“Actually,” Brion said, cutting in. “I was hoping that you might wish to do something together,” he directed to Violet. “Just us.”

“That could be fun. Did you have something in mind?”

“I could pick you up from your house. We could… go to dinner. Like, a date. For Valentine’s day,” he explained.

Violet hummed, looking to Artemis for confirmation. When she nodded, the younger girl grinned. “I do not know what a date or a Valentine’s day is, but I accept.”

“Excellent. I will make sure it is a date you will never forget,” Brion said, clearing his throat when he realized how eager he sounded.

Violet giggled. “I will go home and change. Will you meet me in half an hour?”

“Yes, it is a date.”

True to his word, Brion picked up Violet at seven on the dot. Violet met him outside, where she was presented with a bouquet of expensive flowers. Will and Artemis watched from the window, both wary but unable to do anything to stop it; the two teens were dating after all.

“It’s weird though, right? I feel like she’s my kid,” Will muttered, crossing his arms.

“Super weird. But it’s out of our hands,” Artemis sighed, turning away when Brion leaned down to kiss Violet. The blonde threw herself on the couch, looking up at Will. “So, got any plans tonight?”

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Will said, heading to the kitchen so he could put the last of the dishes away.

Artemis perked at his answer; she definitely would have thought that her brother-in-law would be joining her for a lazy night of Netflix and pizza. “Does Will Harper have a hot date tonight?”

“Something like that.”

“Um, spill,” Artemis demanded. “Is it a cute mom from Lian’s daycare? Someone from the league? Jade calling for a quick hookup?”

Will sighed. “No, no, and unfortunately, no. What makes you think I’d say yes to Jade, anyway?” he asked, turning to glance at his roommate. Artemis shot him a deadpan look, and he faltered. They both knew him better than that. “Right. But no, you’re wrong on all those counts.”

“Then who is it?”

The former archer put the last bowl in the cupboard before grabbing his keys. “Someone special. That’s all I’ll say.”

Artemis sighed in annoyance; sometimes he could be such a pain. “Fine. Do you need me to pick up Lian from Lynn’s and watch her?”

“No, she’s covered.” Will slid into his jacket and gave her a wink. “See you later, Sis.”

“Do not call me that!”

Will paid her no mind as he got into his car and drove to the nearest Zeta. It was a short trip to Metropolis, and before much time had passed he was on Lynn Jefferson’s doorstep, hands in his pockets as he waited for the woman to answer.

“Will!” she greeted when she opened the door. “You’re early. I wasn’t expecting you for another half hour, at least.”

“Didn’t want to keep her waiting long,” he admitted. “Is she ready to go?”

“Just about. Lian, your Daddy is here!” Lynn called back. “Do you want to come inside?”

Will shook his head. “Thanks for the offer, but we should get going. I have some plans tonight.”

“Oh?” Lynn asked, waggling her eyebrows. “Hot date?”

Will grinned. “Something to that extent.” No sooner had he said the words did an auburn blur come flying at him. He didn’t have but a second to react, but he knew his daughter well enough to instantly scoop her up. “And hello, little squeaker!” he greeted, kissing her cheeks. “Did you have a good day?”

“Yeah!” Lian chirped, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Will bid goodbye to Lynn before carrying Lian off. She continued to prattle on about her day, and he listened as if his life depended on it. She gushed about the party, the cupcakes, and all about the new computer games Anissa and Jennifer had shown her. By the end of her story, she was nearly out of breath.

“Hey Princess, I had an idea,” Will said when he was sure she was finished.

“An idea?” Lian asked, still holding tight to his neck.

“I thought we could go see a movie. Just you and me,” he suggested. “Popcorn, nachos, ice cream. Anything you want.”

Lian’s face instantly lit up at her father’s suggestion. “Any movie?”

“Any movie.”

“Yay!” she cheered, bouncing up and down. Will watched her, unable to help but laugh at her determined expression. He’d never really given much thought to Valentine’s day before. Jade certainly hadn’t made a big deal about it. Not that they were ever a normal couple, but they definitely hadn’t done much when Valentine’s day was concerned. All that had changed three years prior. On February 14th, he’d finally met his little girl, and his life had been changed forever. For that, he’d celebrate Valentine’s day as long as he lived.

“Daddy?”

“Yes, Baby girl?” Will asked, looking down at her.

Lian grinned mischievously before peppering his face with kisses. “I love you lots and lots!”

Will’s face hurt from how hard he was smiling, and he had to stop walking lest Lian distract him enough to walk into a pole. He tickled her to stop, and in the end they both wound up laughing so hard their sides hurt. When they finally calmed, Will pressed a soft kiss to her hair, knowing that she’d be asleep before the movie was out but wanting to do it anyway. “Daddy loves you too. More than anything. Happy Valentine’s day, Lian.”

#young justice #bluepulse #supermartian #wonderbird #dickbabs #artemis crock #will harper #lian harper #karen beecher #mal duncan

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empty-movement · 8 years ago

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Recently read (and thoroughly enjoyed!) your article "20 Years of Utena Fandom." Question for you! At the end of the article, you mention you're married and have matching Utena tattoos. Frankly, this sounds like the most awesome thing ever!! Is there a story behind this? (Also: Please keep up the great work with Empty Movement website and tumblr!)

That’s very perceptive of you, Anon! There is actually a story, one I’ve told once or twice before. It’s… well, awesome could describe it, but not in the way you think. To those of you who were around for parts of it, I love you, and thank you for being there for us.

All right, everybody, hang in there because this is long. Content warnings include suicide, abuse, and rape.

When I first met Gio in 2002, it was because of SKU. I had watched the movie, I was in the middle of watching the show, and I had devoured her website, Empty Movement, trying to figure out what was going on. Then, because she was so smart and funny and interesting, I started to read her blog. She was in financial trouble at the time; she’d had a large inheritance from her father, who was dead, but her mother was terrible with money and it had been almost completely spent. They were struggling to pay the bills, and she was depressed and upset and feeling like there was nothing she could do.

And then, well, she decided to give Empty Movement away. On top of everything else, it was turning into an eight hour a day job, and she was going to have to get a full time job soon instead of going to post-secondary. The money situation was that bad. She was burnt out and unhappy, so she had decided to give the site to a friend of hers.

So on November 22, 2002, I emailed her. Basically, I congratulated her on recognizing when something was too much, and said I supported her decision to give it up. I could see from various other communities that she was getting some shit for making that decision, and I wanted to let her know that not everyone thought that way. This turned into a full-fledged conversation very quickly due to our mutual love of LOTR, and the two of us emailed back and forth for some time. Gio gave Empty Movement to her friend, Filia, and we became friends in the meantime.

That was pretty big for both of us. I mean, losing the site was big, yes, but becoming friends was monumental. We were both very, very fucked up and depressed at the time. Gio’s life plan was to find a job, support her mother as best she could until her mother died, and then kill herself. She didn’t see a future for herself. All of her hopes for going to University and becoming a doctor or an astronomer had been crushed by their financial situation, which had been directly caused by the people she loved most. The final blow was two people she considered uncles, people she’d grown up with, stealing the last ten thousand or so of their money and running.

My situation was a bit different. I was in a relationship that didn’t register to me as abusive because it was a different kind of abuse from the things I’d experienced at the home I’d run away from. My mother was mentally unstable to the point of yearly hospitalization, and she’d done a great job making me think I was worthless and useless, things I still struggle with today. I’d run away more than once throughout high school, and the last time I moved in with my boyfriend after some friends told me that I couldn’t crash on their couch anymore. I was reluctant to do it, but I had nowhere else to go. I was right to be reluctant. Over the years I was with him, he isolated me from everyone, wouldn’t teach me to drive, wouldn’t let me get a job or go to school, and was pressuring me to have children, which I did not want. My depression was so bad that some days I couldn’t get out of bed. I thought about killing myself all day every day, slightly up from when I’d lived with my mother. He treated me like I was a broken doll, one he could still play with if he put the pressure on her the right way. With everything. Sex too. I can’t begin to tell you how much of me those four years destroyed.

So me and Gio even making the leap from email to chat programs was a huge thing for us. This was early 2003, I think. I would have been 21, and Gio would have been 19. We were both extremely isolated. We both had trust issues to the point where even speaking to someone we wanted to be friends with was terrifying. We got past that. We learned to trust each other, first in very limited ways, but as we proved to each other that we weren’t going to let each other down, that trust grew.

After a while, it became evident that Filia wasn’t doing anything with Empty Movement, in spite of her promises. Gio didn’t want the site, which she still thought of as hers, to lapse into a static state, the way many sites already had. We had some long discussions about it, and in the end, she decided that as long as I was there to take the parts of the workload that she didn’t like and pay for what I could of the site, she would take it back. It was pretty unceremonious. I’m not sure if we even consulted Filia beyond telling her we were going to do it. But EM was ours again, and now that we had something to work on together and were both holding up our ends of the bargain, we trusted each other even more.

Eventually, the only thing I did was spend time on the computer, either writing, taking care of the site, or talking to Gio. My boyfriend didn’t like this, especially as I’d started to refuse sex consistently (which he sometimes ignored), and when it became evident that the doll was too broken to play with anymore, he threw me out. I had to go back and live with my mother, and no matter how much I know she loves me, living with him was better.

So the challenge then was to get through some kind of education and start making some money, Gio because her family was living on the edge of poverty and her mother had to get her nursing license renewed after years of being out of work, and me because I had to, had to, get away from my mother. We made plans. We tried to follow through on them. I got a job working nights at a 24 hour coffee place. Gio got a nighttime hotel job. We spent every spare minute working on the site and chatting online.

We met in 2004, I think. It gets blurry after so long because a lot of the middle part was all the same. I came down from Alberta to Florida to visit her. I stayed one night. We were both nervous as hell, but after we had talked for a few minutes or so we recognized each other as the person we’d spent so much time with already, and we were fine after that. It wasn’t a long visit due to the circumstances– I was road tripping with some of my family– but it was good. We had fun. You know, I can’t remember for sure, but I think we watched some of SKU.

As I said, the middle part was a whole lot of the same thing. Working shit jobs, trying to scrape up money for one thing or another, eventually going to school while working our full time jobs– Gio finished, I didn’t, because I had to move out of my mother’s place and start paying the exorbitant rents around here. We visited each other once a year. First she came up to spend Christmas with me, because she loved snow and usually never got to see it. Later, we started meeting up in New York. It is possible to do New York for two weeks on $2500 total, including flights and hotel.

After a while, we started sleeping together on these trips. It was pretty natural even though we’d both thought of ourselves as straight. There was never a whirlwind romance moment; there might have been if we weren’t still so intensely fucked up and distrustful of everything, including our own emotions. We were not healthy people, but we were pulling each other up out of our respective mires. Sometimes that was painful, sometimes it wasn’t, but it demanded so much trust from both of us that sex, even with our body issues and emotional issues, was not a big leap to make.

Then Gio got sick. I might be mixing up the timeline here; as I said, a lot of this part was very samey so it’s hard to remember what happened when. I won’t go into too much detail, but we spent a year and thousands of dollars trying to figure out what it was, and then once we knew that it was an ovarian cyst the size of a grapefruit, we spent another year on tenterhooks waiting for her to be able to get insurance through her mom’s work, knowing the cyst could burst at any time and if it did her entire future was fucked due to medical bills.

It didn’t burst. She got insurance, and then spent more thousands of dollars getting her operation. This is when we started to talk about becoming a permanent thing. It was clear that we weren’t going to just disappear on each other, we both bawled like babies when we had to split up at the airport, we still spent every free minute of every day chatting online even when we were both in school full time and working full time… but it was knowing that she could get another cyst at any time and have to go through that whole process again that made us start talking about her moving up to Canada.

By this time, our forum had been open for a while, and we had friends in the community. Some people knew bits and pieces of what had gone on, but mostly we kept it to ourselves. Trust issues. Despite that, we made a lot of very good friends in the SKU community, people that have been very close to us and that we value more than anything. We ended up having “cons” after a while– we called them RoseCons– where a bunch of us from the fandom would all fly out to one city and hang out for three or four days and party together. They were great. I’d love to do it again, even if it is a lot of work to set up. Literally these were the highest points of our year, not just because of RoseCon, but because it was more time we could spend together.

Gio started coming up for entire summers when she was off school once her mom had her nursing license back and Gio wasn’t supporting the entire family on her tiny paychecks. I worked at jobs I hated, gave myself nervous breakdowns from hating them so much, and eventually started drinking every night so that I could stand them enough to do them. This lasted for… two years? Three years? I was a functional alcoholic, though. I never drank until I was home for the evening. And I drank less when Gio was around, partly because I was embarrassed, and partly because having her around made things better. I’ve since kicked the habit, before you get worried. I can have a couple of drinks and not go overboard, and I don’t crave alcohol the way I used to. It was hard to kick the habit, but not as hard as smoking, which I’ve never been able to give up entirely.

The tipping point where we knew we were getting married was once when I came down to visit her– we went to Key West for the day, and somehow it was decided that we should get married and she should come up to live with me. We’d been talking about her immigrating to Canada for years by this point, and marriage had been floated as an idea, but we’d never decided one way or the other. That night it became a part of the plan. I don’t even remember what was said– there was no proposal, just an agreement that this was best.

It was still a couple years away, though. Gio had to finish school and she wanted to get some experience before coming up to Alberta so that she could get hired more easily once she was here. That’s not how that ended up working out– after six months of hunting for a job in Florida, we said fuck it, and she just came up to Canada to live. I supported us while she did all the immigration paperwork, and we got married. It was a very small ceremony. Only Syora from the forum and her boyfriend were there. I’d invited my mother, but she couldn’t come because she had errands to run that day. There’s a reason I don’t talk to her anymore.

So we were legally married in 2012. It took a couple months for the immigration paperwork to go through, but it did, and Gio was a permanent resident. Approximately two weeks after she sent out her first application, she was starting her first job as a nurse. I held on to my job as long as I could, but eventually I just crashed and burned, and then I had to spend some time unemployed so that I could recover and stop drinking.

Things have been pretty much the same ever since. I mean, there have been incidents, like the attempted stabbing that a few of you have heard about (the non-oyster-related one) (someone who hated us came at us with a knife, it’s a long story), but they’re not really relevant to the story of how and why we got together. What is, and always has been relevant, is SKU and Empty Movement. We would both probably be dead right now if it wasn’t for the show and the site. Instead, we are happily married and in a pretty good place in life, even if we still struggle with depression and I’m trying to make my way without traditional employment. That’s down to the show, and the friends we made because of it. We still hang out with people from the fandom as much as we can– the fandom has provided us with so much support and purpose over the years that we’ll probably never let it go.

We got our tattoos at RoseCon NYC, just before the whole con went to a physics lecture. I can’t even remember whether we had decided to get married then or not, but we knew it was coming even if we hadn’t said it. Mine is on the back of my neck; Gio’s is on her shoulderblade. Sometimes one of us will poke the other’s tattoo and say, “Mine!” We’re pretty disgusting with that cutesy shit, and we don’t even mean to be.

It’s kind of funny. You’d think that with all we went through, Utena and Anthy would be the ones we identify with most. But… no. It’s always Touga for me, and Saionji and Akio for her. Still, I always thought it was pretty messed up how our lives ended up mirroring Utena and Anthy’s arc. Life imitating art, I guess.

Anon, and anyone else still reading, if you hung in there for that entire thing, thank you. It’s people like you, the ones who are willing to listen to others and engage with them and be open that are the reason we’re still around, both in the fandom and probably just in general. We went through a lot of shit, but the show, the site, and the fandom were always here for us. They’re the reason we met in the first place, and the reason we made it safely all the way to marriage. We still have problems, but they’re not the huge, life-ending problems that they used to be. And that’s because of you. Thank you.

#abuse #Anonymous #rape #suicide #Utena #this is part of why I want to build a personal stories section of the site #putting this in the utena tag because it's real-life Utena and I'm alive because of the show

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