#just lack something bc of my fucked up childhood

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

I don't know man like it feels like something simply irrevocably wrong with me. Every relationship platonic or otherwise with a person who cared enough to talk with me first always ends like this and no matter how hard I try. Like I simply cannot make people feel like I care about them. I do not know how to communicate and verbally expressing my feelings to people come off as disingenuous.

They're trying so hard to not hurt my feelings but it's impossible to not feel fucking broken that the person who basically saved my life feels like a prop in my life.

And like it's not just them, its not them being unfair or fake or whatever. I'm not defensible in this situation because this is like every close friend I've ever had has ended up feeling this way, every person I have ever dated has felt this way.

I have tried to deal with it in therapy but I don't see results, I get told its not a problem its just not finding the right people but while some (my ex) were definitely not good people with good faith actions others, like this person, are people who genuinely care and are there for me.

I feel pathetic, like I'm begging them to give me another chance, but I dont know how to explain without it appearing manipulative or making /them/ feel bad that if i cannot fix this communication error then I don't think I will ever be able to have a meaningful relationship with anyone ever.

like their reasoning comes out to our communication styles are too different and its difficult for me to fulfill their emotional needs/wants so our friendship has become onesided. These are things we've discussed and I've tried to fix and its not translated at all.

so there's like the conundrum of, if we do try to fix it and discuss the ways to respond that make them feel heard is that in turn going to exacerbate the issue bc they feel pandered to rather than listened to?

I just really hate that like, they're the 'wronged' party in this situation will have to do the legwork of teaching me to communicate with them. My intent didn't translate and they suffered because of it, but because my attempts to correct this on my own failed if they decide we can try again the brunt of the emotional labor feels like it falls on them

I dunno, it sucks and it hurts that the only person I've every felt actually knows me can't decide if our friendship is salvageable and it's both not my fault because we just communicate too diffrently and 100% my fault because I wasn't capable of communicating my intent. And it extra sucks that if they give me another chance it feels like them taking on more work in the relationship

[skyland2703]

It’s 3 AM, but fuck it, we’re being domestic | Prompts

Alternatively, just some fluffy domestic romance prompts, but they feel more cute when they’re in the middle of the night because one or both of the ship characters are insomniacs.

Dancing together in the kitchen, in the refrigerator light, and then sitting on the kitchen counter, eating ice-cream directly from the carton.

Walking barefoot on the dew covered grass, hand in hand, under the stars.

Sitting on the floor trying to piece together IKEA furniture because one person got obsessed with finishing it the same day.

Middle of the night cooking, except it’s making the weirdest most absurd dishes imaginable, just for fun.

Making love, except it’s on the bedroom floor.

Cleaning cupboards or attics and finding lpppittle mementos, childhood pictures, etc and talking about memories.

Midnight drives with street food pit-stops and making out with the car radio playing in the background.

Tossing a smiley stress ball around the house watching it knock into furniture— Bonus, if one person is tossing it and another is scrambling around trying to make sure no furniture falls over, causing squabbles.

Gossiping about annoying relatives/friends, parents etc.

Making each other coffee, except the rule is: adding all of the other person’s favorite ingredients PLUS one mystery ingredient which might be good bad or ugly. For funs~

Late night massage sessions because they’re old (they’re not even thirty. Maybe they are.) and their back huuurts.

Ramp Walk/Modelling sessions where one person tries out every single outfit in their closet, and the other one rates or judges them all and gives (mostly useless) opinions.

Doing laundry except they can’t put the clothes out for drying because there’s no sun, so they spread them all over the furniture (only the stuff that doesn’t go bad with the water-) and switch on all the fans.

Weird selfie poses and filming random tiktok dances.

Alternately, sitting side by side on the bed (or the floor—) deleting old pictures from their phones to make storage and laughing about embarrassing old pictures. (A “my phone might die of lack of storage but that super embarrassing picture of yours from six years ago isn’t going anywhere!”)

One of them randomly googling super random shit and telling those facts to the other person, and the other one, super sleepy, just nodding along to everything.

Painting dates where either both of them are amazing artists or neither of them are, (or one is and the other isn’t) and they switch canvases periodically to finish each other’s paintings. (Chaos for the ones who can’t paint, and two beautiful art pieces for the ones who can~)

Alternatively, one is an artist and the other models for them while being utterly sleepy bc Artist has insomnia :D

One is a musician and keeps the other up all night with the music. Or alternately, the partner has insomnia and the sleepy musician plays them something to pass the night (and what if it turns out to be a lullaby-)

Turning the junk, broken and useless stuff in their house into a rage room for the night.

Learning crocheting from YouTube and making each other weird little woollen mementos. (Could go for anything really. Learning shit with esch other in the middle of the night from YouTube—)

Annnnd that’s about all I got :3 I’ll probably be back with more! Prompts welcome~

[sp4ceboo]

NO NEED FOR ME TO HIDE🙏🏾🙏🏾

Bestie, are you going to continue Atonement universe?🥺 I am very curious on how their interactions could look like in the future, now that they have an accurate understanding of their intents

A/N: U ASKED JUST THE RIGHT QUESTION MY FAVOURITE BUNNY, but bc im evil i've made this into a bunch of feyd headcanons even tho no one asked

tw: 18+, smut headcanons (switch feyd ladies and gents), cannibalism (by the harpies), i dropkick everyone with feyd's trauma, therefore mentions of sa and pedophilia (fuck you vladimir), 'who did this to you' because man if that's not one of the yummiest things ever, nightmares, children and pregnancy, also sterility, swearing somewhere probably,

wc: 2.3k

part 1 (this can be read as a stand alone, it's just feyd headcanons)

feyd does everything he can to make up for how he treated you in the first months of your marriage

you assure him that it's fine, that he doesn't have to beat himself up over what he has done, but you still notice the pain in his eyes when he looks at you

he hovers close to you at all times, keeping a hand at the small of your back or pulling you close into his side

it's a strange process, only getting to know your husband in the fourth month of your marriage, but it's a process that you treasure

you'll ask him silly things from his favourite food to his opinions on the carvings on the table over there whenever the questions occur to you

it's late at night, while he's gently cleaning you up after sex or holding you tightly in his arms, your head tucked under his chin, when he tells you the deeper, more painful things

the grief in his voice is so raw as he describes to you how his uncle pitted him and rabban against each other from a young age, how his childhood was stolen from him - you ache for him, for the things that were taken from him before he could even fight for them

you find out about his nightmares soon after that - not because he tells you, but because one happens

you suspect there was something he wasn't quite ready to tell you, but you didn't press; no hands have handled feyd's heart the way he lets you, and you're determined to honour that privilege

a storm howls outside, and you think that the rumbles of thunder were what woke you

you turn over and realise it's feyd, his features contorted with fear even in his sleep, eyes rolling under the lids as he trembles, broken pleas leaving his lips

all you catch is a 'don't' and a 'please, uncle'

something cold slithers down your spine

touching his face, you grab his shoulder, shaking him, whispering his name, trying to wake him gently

a tear leaks down his cheek, and a meek sound leaves him, ripping your heart in two - you need to wake him up, free him from this dream

'feyd.'

his eyes snap open, and in them, you clearly see the expression of a trapped, cornered animal

you say his name again, and he looks at you sharply, unseeing

he's awake and yet somehow he's still trapped in the nightmare; he wraps his hands around your throat, and you gasp, nails digging into his forearms in an effort to wake him up

with precious air, you rasp out his name again, and he blinks, slowly gaining consciousness

his face crumples when he finds his hands around your neck

distress limns his features as he backs away from you, shaking his head, horrified by his own doing

your head spins with lack of air but you reach out to him, refusing to let him slip away - you snare him in your arms, hold him tightly, kiss his face

he doesn't move, afraid to hurt you

you pull back to stare him in the eyes

'i'm okay. i am okay. you hear me, feyd? i'm fine. i'm not hurt.'

he buries his face in your shoulder and when you feel hot tears on your skin, rage simmers and seethes, wrathful in your chest

'who did this to you?'

your voice is dripping with fury; he shakes with a sob, and you run your hands up and down his back, trying to soothe him and the anger inside you

eventually, he calms, and you tilt his face up, gently wiping the tears off his cheeks, waiting

he holds out his arms again, and you oblige him, letting him hide his face in your shoulder as he tells you the substances of his nightmares - memories of the baron, eyes rabid, hands reaching, and it makes you tremble with rage

you crush feyd in your grip, and he clings onto you, his eyes wet, letting you anchor his drowning spirit

the two of you fall asleep twined together, feyd cradled in your embrace

in the morning, you cup his face in your hands and tell him that you will protect him, fight for him, love him until your blood stills in your veins

one of the first thing feyd does is dismiss his harpies from their duties

originally, he was going to get rid of them permanently, but you convinced him not to, telling him you wanted to meet them

to be honest, feyd didn't really understand (he thought you wanted to 'use' them for a bit and was kind of taken aback until you reassured him you just wanted to talk to them)

he stayed in the room anyways, knowing that his harpies could be jealous, but he had nothing to fear

all you do is chat to them, and in the same way you charmed him, you charm them

feyd marvels at the way you reach out to them and connect with them with so much ease, laughing and joking with them, complimenting their pretty eyes and tattoos as if they are your long time friends

from then on, they are no longer feyd's harpies, but yours

they accompany you around the palace and sometimes to court

the latter causes quite a stir; none of the nobles can make sense of why the na-baron's feral cannibal troupe are now dressed in fine clothing and following the na-baronness around

you enjoy their company - they brighten your day considerably, and are not afraid to make remarks a little too loudly in front of nobles

you have to hide your laughter when one of them comments on the scruffy facial hair of the duke addressing feyd, even more so when he stares at them wide eyed, a little fearful of them

in a way, they protect you and you protect them

if a noble approaches you with disrespect, they'll joke loudly among themselves about the taste of his flesh

in the same way, if someone makes a snide remark of their presence, you're quick to challenge it

the perplexed look on feyd's face amuses you to no end when he realises they prefer you now

feyd and the harpies teach you about harkonnen culture

feyd especially tells you stories about how he hunted on forests long cut down when he was a boy, and you love to listen to him, watching his face and drinking in the softer, nostalgic tone in his voice

he shows himself to you in little ways

feyd complains to you about the nobles in the court, how he hates their decorum and their entitlement

he talks to you for hours about different fighting forms, occasionally getting up to demonstrate them to you, and you marvel at the accuracy and fluidity of his movements

he takes you to his favourite parts of giedi prime, shows you the volcanoes and the less polluted parts of the capital city

he tells you the story of every scar on his body, and you find yourself captivated by the look in his eyes as he recalls a good fight

he whispers on your skin promises - promises of love, sweet on his tongue but never cloying, always true

in turn he asks you about your old life, about your home planet and your family

you answer happily, loving the way his eyes follow you, their blue tone becoming your favourite colour

you tell him about the time you visited to see him fight, how you saw the fire within him even then, and he chuckles, enthralled by the idea that even when the two of you were too young to really comprehend what your arranged marriage meant, you were still drawn to each other

he tells you how when he raised his knife, victorious, he spotted you in the crowd - a small girl, her back ram rod straight - and thought you were the sweetest thing he'd ever laid his eyes on

not that you seemed breakable to him; no, he thought you were formidable, too, not even bothering to hide your frown in an arena of cheering, happy faces

it felt right that he would marry a woman who wasn't afraid of him

feyd teaches you how to fight

he delights in the way you grow so bold with him, delivering snarky remarks if he teases you, rising to meet everything he throws at you

you're a good fighter - unpredictable in your moves - and he's immeasurably proud that he was the one who taught you

sometimes, once you're good enough to duel, you'll end up staggering to the nearest somewhat secluded area to fuck

now that you know you're not alone, you're so confident of yourself, confident in the electrifying look in your eyes and confident in the way you make him beg

feyd never thought he'd like to give up control, but with you it's addicting

he trusts you

he lets you ravage him, lets you use him until he's spent, panting, thighs shaking, knowing that you would let him do the same - knowing that you do let him do the same

there's something so raw about letting himself go in your touch

his head spins when you tie him up, your deft fingers checking the knots and tightening the bindings across his torso, making art with his skin as the canvas

feyd is addicted to you in every aspect

he can't get enough of your pussy; he'd spend hours between your legs, pulling sounds out of you that you didn't know you could make

he thinks that the closest he's ever come to heaven is when he's buried balls deep in your cunt while you beg him harder, faster

A/N: i couldn't choose between these two scenarios so have both

EITHER after almost a year, you begin to wonder why you haven't pregnant

especially with the way feyd fucks you

so you seek the help of a doctor - the test results come back a week after, accusatory, damning

you're sterile

your first reaction is to tell feyd, but once you find yourself face to face with him, his gaze concerned as he holds your waist, you can't tell him

you just fall into his arms, staying your tears, doubts crawling into your skull and gnawing at the edges of your mind

you can't give him an heir

there's no way around it

what if he takes a concubine? what if he realises you serve no purpose to him? what if he stops loving you?

feyd doesn't pry about the tests results until the next day when he finds you in the shower, hands trembling and head bowed

he tips your chin up so he can look you in the eye

'tell me what troubles you, my love.'

so you do, with his fingers curled around your waist, the shower water running over your skin

he kisses you once you finish, and it tears at his heart the way you're looking up at him, trying to hide the worry in your eyes as you wait for his reply

feyd doesn't mince his words when he tells you that he doesn't care if you cannot give him an heir, that all he asks of you is to let him love you - it's then that the tears fall, and he kisses them away, holding you close to him

you grieve for the children you can never have, but feyd remains by you, almost supernatural with the way he senses your pain

your gaze might fall upon one of the servant's children, causing an ache in your heart, and within a few seconds his fingers will twine with yours and he'll tuck you into his side, kissing your hair

OR you have twins: one girl, one boy

the girl is three minutes older than the boy

feyd is obssessed with your pregnant body; he always has his hands on you in some way

he gets more protective, if that's possible

sometimes he lies between your thighs, his palms spread over your stomach as he talks to the two of them, and the softness and wonder in his eyes brings a warmth to your chest

feyd is with you when you feel the first contraction and promptly carries you to the midwives

he lets you crush his hand in your grip as you give birth to the lives you've made together, wiping the sweat off your forehead and quietly encouraging you

the first time you hand them to him to hold, he's hesitant, hands fluttering over you as he figures out what to do, but he's a fast learner

there's a fierce protective glint in his eyes when he cradles them in his arms, one that you glimpse when he looks at you too, and within it there's a deep, pure joy

he teaches them how to fight, and yet he's still so gentle with them, laughing as they giggle and cling to him, one latched onto each leg

the girl is how you'd imagine feyd was as a boy: half feral, yet charming when she wants to be, while the boy is a little calmer, more unflappable, and happy to entertain his sister's mischievous endeavours

both love the harpies, and there have been multiple times when you walk in on the twins gaping wide eyed at the harpies as they regale them with old tales

sometimes, feyd will scoop them up, one in each arm, so they can reach up and give you a little kiss on the cheek before he pecks your lips

you think it's beautiful, the family that you've made with him

feyd loves the way you look at him, with that mischief in your eyes, as if you're sharing a secret with him

he loves your sweet laughter, the softness in your hands when you touch him and how you don't shy away from protecting him, defiant even in his uncle's presence

he knows he would kill for you, die for you - he'd do anything for you

you would do the same: it makes feyd's head fuzzy, when you get so fiercely protective over him, placing your hand on his shoulder as you glare at the baron, lacing your words with venom when you address him

you'd stop at nothing, just to protect his honour

when you're after something, nothing stands in your way, and yet you can handle him with such soft, gentle hands, banishing his nightmares with the light tracing of your fingertips on his back

feyd heals in your presence, and you grow in his

your love is eternal

[newrhys]

im insane and a nigel defender for life so heres my theory/take on like minds

i truely think that its likely Alex was the manipulator and nigel was the victim (to a degree).

this is kinda all over the place and just my thoughts so take everything with a grain of salt im just bored

we all agree that Alex is an unreliable narrator, and when it comes to the interrogation, it would but likely that Alex changed the story for a “solid” alibi to seem at least not guilty, which is very common behavior for people, especially younger people who have committed a crime to do.

most of my reasoning for this comes from the fact that he makes sure to include the detail that *somehow* nigel got into his room in the middle of night (assumably) and put a bloody knife and playing card on his desk.

it could be very likely that he had this whole alibi, that he "missed" his date with susan was entirely made up, that he made it seem like nigel was the one who planted the knife for "for fingerprint insurance” making nigel seem like this criminal mastermind to a degree.

that and also the hand that nigel “gifted him” could have also been a cover up for (maybe) that alex could have very likely been the reason why his friend let go of the train, by messing with his hand. idk on this one tho for sure honestly, though i feel like nigel care a lot about anatomy and dissection that it would be out of character for him to sever a hand.

AND that when alex was asked “how he was sure it was his friends” he said that it wouldnt make sense otherwise (or something along those lines) which honestly is kinda strange bc i would rather rationalize that its not my dead friends hand and just some fucked up prank but maybe thats just me.

you can look into real interrogations and its not unusual for people to make up these crazy complex and wild stories to victimize themselves to seem innocent, even when the story is strange or off putting or has holes.

especially because this is a time when the attention is all on them and what better way to ganer sympathy and attention that alex could have possibly lacked in his childhood then now in the interrogation. with someone who alex could have possibly seen as some sort of mother figure, because she listened to him, and embraced him when alex talked about nigel.

“well susans body was “disected” it had to be nigel” it could have also been alex copying in the way of something that nigel would have done to again, make the evidence point at nigel.

now, this theory is a bit spotty and honestly its not great I KNOW its just my thoughts ive had that ive wanted to share, because honestly i dont have a great reason for why nigel would have invited alex over to his house if not for nigel being a little shit, but who knows, that could have also been made up, and alex really was planning on killing nigel, and just happened to show up at that time

but that being said, im also not saying nigel has never killed anyone, i am just saying alex’s series of events is a bit weird, i do think nigel has some issues, but those probably due to the obvious abuse he as suffered as a kid, and his weird interest could be a symptom of that and his curious for dead things, i wouldnt be surprised if he had witnessed death early as a child seems how it was mentioned in the show that it can result in mental illness.

which kinda leads me to my next point, at the end, when alex totally doesnt kill nigel, and nigel kills himself, alex has a sort of smile at the end, that either he was happy nigel died or that he, really *did* kill nigel and he “enjoyed” it.

to add onto this, alex never really cried when he talked about his friends dying, he cried when he talked about how it made *him* feel and how when nigel had wanted him to get “freaky” per say with susan, he was crying in the interigation because it upset *him* and it was something bad that happened to *him*. im not a professional at all and i only know a little bit about mental illnesses but in certain personaility disorders,, its not uncommon for people to have intense feelings when it comes to something that effects themselves, and apathy towards other people.

and at the very end of the show, it shows that alex clearly has a pattern of this behavior, of manipulating people in certain ways. that its not something unusual for him to do, when he asks the teacher if it’s possible to get into someones head, its likely because hes the one who, atleast thinks, he has control of nigel.

anyways thats kinda just my collection of thoughts ive had about this movie for a long time so i thought id throw them out here, do with this as you wish. dont be too mean tho i am dyslexic and not the smartest lmfao. i just like yapping. obviously i dont know everything and i likely got information wrong which like whatever.

anyways im sick and bored and wanted to yap so maybe someone actually read this

[minnieposting]

i want to talk about robins trailer again!

following up from this post + a cool thread i saw earlier compiling lots of details i didn't notice in the trailer! (and the morse code post)

mostly really interested in the fact that this whole thing is filmed and directed by sunday

(sc from twt thread)

i said earlier that robin must feel like she doesn't want to let down both sunday and the family, both as his sister and the "pride of the family". but this clearly shows that he's the one pulling the strings, or at least one of them.

(as i type this out, i realize the usage of "pulling the strings" could relate back to the imagery of puppets we've been seeing. they are present in robin's trailer and also seen in the 2.2 penacony trailer)

(and of course, another puppet on strings...)

not sure where i'm going with this because tbh i got side tracked because i had the realization while writing. just some cool consistent puppet imagery, obviously symbolic, just don't feel like thinking about this rn lol

ANYWAY, my original train of thought was going towards sunday being a huge pressure on her, whether intentionally or not, he's clearly got his own shit going on... but i also feel like this gives new meaning to something else i pointed out a bit ago (post)

sunday is always right behind robin! she's always in the spotlight while he looms in the shadows. another thing tho, the same person who posted that twt thread i linked to pointed out that our bird friend is seen in the corner watching robin perform (x)

in the upper right corner!

(though, ive seen speculation that the bird is not sunday's but the dreammaster's! either way, sunday is still the most involved with her in the context of my post...)

now, going back to what i really want to talk about in the first place - director sunday. i do think this is more symbolic than anything, and coming from robin's perspective as this is her trailer.

sunday is a perfectionist obsesed with control and robin's public image may not be spared from that. she may feel that sunday is essentially breathing down her neck, whether or not sunday is aware he's making her feel like this. i've always thought that sunday's perfectionism and his obsessiveness have bled into his love for his sister and their relationship as a whole. again, she clearly does not want to let him down specifically, especially when they're supposedly working towards a childhood dream.

it's just! this whole thing about freedom, or the lack of it. robin is a caged bird and that's become explicit in her trailer. who knows wtf sunday's deal is, but he's also clearly under SO much pressure, he's the head of the oak family and ALSO needs to be nothing less than perfect. dude had a whole speech about it. i also imagine they both don't talk about any negative feelings related to this, maybe even wanting to keep up appearances around each other too.

i feel like i dont have anything else to say. i just mainly wanted to talk about some observations and stuff. i am very much looking forward to 2.2 coming out later, im SO excited to dig into sunday because he is the most intriguing and mysterious to me. their relationship is just so so so interesting, im so excited to see it in all of its glory later.

and mandatory note bc i am an anxious person, i do a lot of talking out of my ass and this is just exactly that.

(uh i scrolled up to read this post over and saw i linked back to a morse code post and didn't talk about that at all. well there's SOS morse code in robins trailer! that's fucked up! what else can i say)

[bestpartofbe-lie-ve]

I love the Avatar era on tik tok, the edits r amazing and I literally enjoy all the fuss, but, yk what I'm rlly not enjoying? the amount of people, no, the amount of ADULTS throwing hate and death wishes to Spider.

SPOILERS OF ATWoW BELOW ⬇️⬇️⬇️

Putting stupid and messed up captions like "it should've been Spider" or "I wish Lo'ak kills him" and even "Lo'ak is entering his Anakin era, Spider is so done", as if all the hate would, in some way, bring Neteyam back in the next movie.

And my whole problem with all this is the lack of empathy people have over Spider's backstory and EVERYTHING he went through. He was an outsider, an outcast, not only with the Sullys but with the humans back on the lab as well. He had no real family, and even tho he tried to fit in with Jake and his family, they never really cared about him. Not the enough. Quaritch literally took him, abducted him, and even though Kiri was worried, crying for him, all that Jake said was "he's gonna be alright" and then, ofc, he forgot entirely about him. He was more worried about him spilling out the beans about their operations and base rather than his safety. (and, btw, he was tortured and still never gave a single piece of information). Not to mention how Neytiri ignored Kiri telling her that Spider had fallen off the tree.

And the whole "he belongs with his own kind" thing Neytiri had going on was so out of pocket, specially, since his own very husband, Toruk Makto himself, was a human first. And Spider was a little kid atm, a kid playing and trying to fit.

Now, imagine how surprised Spider was when suddenly, out of no fucking where, the man whom he had been told all his childhood was evil, treated him decently. Stopping the scientists of keeping hurting him and melting his brain, respecting his decision to go by Spider even tho human Quaritch wouldn't have given a fuck about his preferences, listening to what he had to say (like the na'vi lessons); even listening to his pleadings on not to hurt, or kill, the clans. And, ofc, the cherry on top: Quaritch saving him from Neytiri, losing his chance over Jake (his WHOLE motivation and goal) even though Spider only cared for Kiri's well being all the time.

And yes, Quaritch may have been manipulating him, I don't doubt that, but Spider is a noble kid. He's noble, kind, caring and would never leave anyone to die not mattering if they're good or bad. Something that makes him entirely different from his dad. He didn't wanted to save him, we literally see him struggling with taking a decision, but deep down he can't just leave him to die. Not when, after all, he's someway his dad, and the one that saved him from Neytiri moments ago. It's a debt, and if you struggle with at least just an inch of daddy issues y'all may be familiar with that sensation of "maybe he's changing, he's not a lost cause. He cares about me".

He's not a fucking traitor. With, or without Quaritch, they would've kept hunting the Sullys. The military lady said it herself, that with Jake being "the leader" they were on disadvantage, bc Jake knew how to strike them. He was already a target, Quaritch had been just the scapegoat to catch him faster.

It was dumb to save him? Yes, definitely. But it's understandable, and wishing that Lo'ak, his literally childhood best friend, kills him after finding out, or Neytiri, it's just messed up.

[rosy6maple6mothman6]

So I just finished xiaolin showdown: I wanna talk about it. Spoilers.

I really liked the show! I knew I would thanks to childhood memories of it but I think it holds up alright even today! Imma break it down in what I Did like and what I Didn't like (I think Imma make a different post talking about the Wu). This is longer than I thought it would be. I'm sorry.

What I liked

The Wu themselves, love me magic shit even if they get repetitive at times(fr there are like 4 that just give the power to fly).

I fucking love Jack Spicer and Clay Bailey. They are my boys do you hear me! Love how Jack just won't quit and how Clay is just so painfully Texas. My bois

Love the magic in general! How all die of the main characters get to master their element and get special weapons and gear to help. Wish there was more time to flush all of it out tho ,but hey what can you do(other than post head canons).

Dojo Kanojo Cho

Just his name is fucking amazing, and I did like some of his jokes

And his powers were cool! I wish we could have seen the limits of his shapeshifting powers.

I did like wuya and wish we could have seen her do more witchy things.

Chase Young was also very cool.

I also like panda bubba's design and I kinda wish there was more of him. I wanna do things to him DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT

I already said this BUT I just love how all of them got individual weapons that I don't think were Shen Gong Wu? I think.

Master fung and dojo... Had a very odd relationship. I'm 90% sure they were at least fucking by how dojo acted when he went to a different temple and after that it was just very. Weird.nit Bad weird but still.

Wish we could have seen more of their families. kimono's dad was fucking adorable. I want to fuck her dad

Also Love le mime!!! I also wanna fuck him, I am not taking. criticism at this time

I also liked Jermaine and wish he could have been able to join fully or show up more.

Over all love this show.

What I didn't like

How they treated Jack. Idk man I just thought it was weird how the heros tournamented him so much? Like ya he's a ass but like, y'all are the heros why are you acting borderline worse than him???

I also kinda wish he could have officially joined the xiaolin side, I feel like they alluded to him switching multiple times but then he never does and I think that was a waste.

LET JACK BE THE DRAGON OF METAL.

LET JACK MAKE THEM AN AWESOME DEFENSE SYSTEM.

LET JACK DO A FAKE OUT WHERE HE PRETENDED TO GO BAD AND THEN FUCK THE BADDIES UP WITH SABOTAGE.

Idk dude he deserved betted

Also didn't like how he started out at Least semi competent but then just became a pathetic joke? And not even fuc pathetic. He's not a wet dog he's just pathetic.

I wish we could have seen Raimundo's family if not just a sibling or his parents, just something.

Fuck Clay's dad. Not in a hot way. I hate him.

Omi had such an ego. Like dude, please stop.

I really wish we could have seen more of Fung and Omi's relationship. I kinda wish it was more father and son rather than teacher and student since it seems like Omi lived there his entire life.

I also wish we saw more of Fung being badass. I feel there was a lack of that.

I'll say it again, there are a bunch of shen gong wu that kinda just repeat? And some Wu that don't seem like they should be categorize as Wu? Idk I'll make a different post about it bc there a lot to say.

Le mime was cool and I want to know more about him.

I want to know more about almost everyone honestly.

Give Me Their Backstories. Please

This is all I can think of ATM. I'll add more later probably.

Thank you if you made it down here. Let me know what's your fav and least fav about xs.

[tamblrtrain]

feel like someone's said this already but jimmy absolutely feels like he's cluster b. i'm saying this from a semi-detached pov bc i've not talked to anyone i knew for sure was cluster b but from listening to. a lot of theramintrees. and also given jimmy's larger than life personality he really bridges on being cluster b.

i get anybody saying he has a sort of superiority/inferiority complex because he absolutely does. but it's so drastic that it really does border on cluster b. specifically i feel like it's aspd but npd and bpd can be argued.

i'm going to reiterate that i do not know anybody with diagnosed aspd nor am i a psychologist or psychiatrist. i also do not want to portray the idea that i hate cluster b people. i just hate jimmy who i think exhibits cluster b symptoms. i'm also a fucking nerd up at midnight. and i'm flipping between tumblr and a wikipedia tab abt aspd so there's that. yapping under the cut.

hoo boy okay. this is really complicated. first off looking at the diagnosis bit of the wikipedia article where they cite the dsm, jimmy fits under more than enough traits (the dsm lists 7 and requires at least three be present)

failure to conform to social norms and laws: this one is the biggest stretch and i can't really cite anything in the game for it, but if you find something that genuinely isn't a stretch, i'd love to see it.

deceitfulness: genuinely look at him and tell me this doesn't fit. he tricked daisuke several times to his gain and daisuke's loss every fucking time. spiked cocktail? yep. the fucking vent? jesus christ.

exhibiting impulsivity or failing to plan ahead: man he fucking crashed the tulpar because he didn't wanna deal with the consequences of his actions. he forced himself onto anya and then nuked the ship because he forgot things happen after you do things.

irritability and aggressiveness: anya. curly. swansea. genuinely there are too many instances for me to name one. he assaults curly while administering the painkillers. he yells at anya for daring to ask him to give curly painkillers. the whole 'shoot swansea so you don't fucking die' sequence. there's so much i'm going to be sick.

reckless behavior that disregards the safety of others: crashing the fucking tulpar!

irresponsibility: one of the major themes in mouthwashing is taking responsibility and the way jimmy goes about doing that is genuinely horrible.

lack of remorse after hurting or mistreating another person: do i even need to explain this? he doesn't spare any thoughts for anya. he thinks of her as a fucking womb and nothing else. do you call that remorse? i fucking don't.

now. i don't know shit about jimmy's childhood but just considering 6 of 7 are already exhibited well enough it's kinda easy to see. it's impossible to know for sure, but jimmy's behavior is well enough argument in my mind. you can absolutely disagree with this ofc, i'm just saying what i think. and you can argue about jimmy being something completely different, i'd love to hear it.

personally, though, this is just my take on him. i think he's likely to have aspd. this will not affect the way i write him, this is just me trying to understand his character a lil more. if you have different thoughts or even just want to explain, please yap to me, it'll help me string together my thoughts better. yapping over

[bcolfanfic]

hi hi! I’ve been reading all your young vets HC, do you have anymore about rosie and Aiden?

aiden and wosieeee!!!! my babies!!! yes i do!!! have posted this before but just for ref again this is what aiden looks like in my head.

i’ve covered this before but aiden is curt's childhood friend that curt set rosie up with when he was like okay maybe its not that you're bad with woman maybe you dont LIKE women

worked out though <3

aiden has um some of curt's special (terroristic) tendancies lmfao. they grew up together. they are life long friends for a reason. he’s been around the block in the nyc queer community, for lack of a better word.

but rosie mellows him out a little. dating someone with a little daughter will do that to you <3

funny bc he didn’t even want kids like- at all. only even let curt set him up with someone that had one because he didn’t think it would be anything serious.

*loud incorrect buzzer*

was just so enamored from the first dateeee but how nervous and sweet and nerdy rosie was.

and by how when he took him home he finished in his pants and was so apologetic and embarrassed about it that he almost cried lmao.

curt is proud of his foresight in setting them up for the rest of his fucking life. runs that victory lap foreverrrrr.

but yeah. aiden loves the boy bad.

always finding excuses to hang out and like it’s talked about in my recent blurb- tries to go out of his way to include naomi in things too which goes right to rosie’s heart.

rosie also falls hard pretty fast which he struggles with a little. just. scared it’s inevitable that he’s gonna scare him off or turn him off or something. realizes he’d be heartbroken if this didn’t work and is like ohhh no.

there are some. growing pains re: aiden not having a military background and feeling a little out of his depth trying to help him with his hurts from the war.

feels like anything he says or does is going to be Wrong and is scared of making it worse somehow. but talks to curt about it which helps him at least figure out an Approach for next time it comes up.

a lot of rosie’s trauma is surrounding nash’s death (background being: nash started spiraling after some kids he bonded with in the area were killed. went out to smoke in a high risk area that people weren’t supposed to but did anyways now and then. got argumentative when people were like hey man go somewhere else, stayed up there and ended up getting a sniper round in the skull. both rosie and ev were there and saw it </3)

so it also helps aiden help when rosie is a little more open with him about that. carries a wholeee lot of guilt about it. and has some more ‘niche’ triggers related to it that come up every now and then too. (rachel came up with him getting triggered at aiden’s parents house bc his dad asks him for help with grill stuff and he. has a little Moment he gets real embarrassed about after because does not like raw meat smell or appearance texture)

sweet boy. let your boyfriend that’s obsessed with you help- he loves you!!!

[archersgoon]

the thing about bartolina dying is that it did doom finnikin to be a freak about women but i don't think it's just due to the lack of her presence i think there's several other factors. because bartolina dying fucked everyone up forever. (see the rock & in particular celestina jr.'s response to jasmina.) like finnikin wasn't lacking for female role models in his early life he spent a lottt of time on the rock & his only named family members are the celestinas. but i think it's possible they were a little um. permissive with bartolina's son. in a way they might not have been if bartolina herself had been around.

i guess there's abian. but i don't think she was as present as she would've needed to be to offset the rock-nexus/king's guard (u know many of them were on some insane shit re women) split finnikin grew up with. because she was there when he was a newborn but she was speedrunning her relationship with august, so i think she would;ve been like. moving away & then busy, esp. w/ celie (celie disabling childhood illness truthers rise up), so she (& august) were a lot more distant than they may have originally planned (& trevanion (and maybe bartolina depending on what you think her rship w/ abian was like) may have wanted them to be). like you can see he doesn't really engage with them post-curse (pre-canon) & pre-curse it mostly seems to be a matter of "well august's my dad's friend, i guess i can play with his weird fucking kid. oh & abian's here too". so you end up with a finnikin who only really recognises his father & the guard as like. real guys with a life outside of him. & then post-curse obviously we know what sir topher's like. i'm going to be honest here guys i don't think he did a good job with the deeper-level stuff but i've lost my thread with this so i'll move on

like i think a good contrast here is lucian. bc he still has misogyny problems but they're much more in keeping with what seems to be like, standard in-universe. bc 1. he presumably still remembers his mother to some extent. 2. his life pre-canon was a lot more stable (i think saro -- and presumably his wife -- being a couple decades older than trevanion & having well-established job descriptions is a major factor in this) even post-curse the monts stayed sedentary & together. 3. he doesn't have being bartolina's son hanging over his head, but he does have many many female relatives both willing and able to say can you be serious for five fucking minutes you miserable worm. jesus fucking christ. any time he says something particularly egregious

[hyouta]

More KH ramblings as I finished KH2 for the first time!! ...And damn this was in my drafts for so long that I've also finished my 358/2 days replay and played + finished BBS for the first time...

Once again just very long text post of me saying nothing but none of my twitter mutuals like KH so I feel bad spamming tweets too much.

I'd attach some of my KH wips (there's a surprising amount) but I feel self-conscious posting stuff that unfinished...

Yeah so, just like the raimi spider-man movies, I experienced the game without getting too bothered by annoying fans and I had a good time overall.

I felt like the disney worlds were a little bit lacking in areas but better than my experience in KH1... I think lol...

Some things I forgot to talk about in my original post

D-mode Riku was the saving grace of Reverse/Rebirth, I hated the limited card decks... I'm also dumb and it took me until the middle to understand the dueling system.

100 acre woods WRECKED me in all 3 games, I don't know why... the childhood innocence of it all? Legitimately the few times I have teared up playing through the series so far (other times was Betwixt and Between, and fighting Roxas).

❤︎

Anyway, similar to Re:Com I grinded up pretty far for standard mode, at least compared to the minimum level recommendation. I've maxed every form except Limit and Summon (I never use summons... and I didn't until the very end of KH1) (nevermind, did it quickly before the final Xemnas fight). Final form with Bond of Flame and spamming Firaga is very satisfying - just read that it's good with Master too but I have yet to try it.

Xigbar cooked my ass worse than Xaldin but I had to restart as many times as I fought Roxas. I'm pretty mid at these kind of games.

And after making it to the end of the Cave of Rembrance (because I wanted to get all the puzzle pieces/treasures BEFORE I finished the story)... I just... had a moment of silence... people really be playing this game on Proud/Critical yikes kfdjghfd;;

Last thought it damn why was it so much easier to get Ultima in this than KH1FM.

Anyway...

KH2 > Re:Com > KH1...... maybe, might be recency bias. Despite how Re:Com is hell I think it's also sort of rewarding once you have the right deck. Also, I think the final boss in KH1 is better than KH2.

My tweets: "Not that the xemnas fight was bad... but the over reliance on the reaction command for a fancier looking battle made it more hands off" "Kh1 had me stressed the whole last fight Kh2 I had no idea what I was doing but got there in the end Also I swear it cut his last health bar like 75% just to get me to that reflect ending"

"I do think the cinematic finishes are cool but I was so ??? Trying to figure out if I was missing a prompt bc the second to last phase was stuck at 1 hp forever"

❤︎

I changed my plans and watched the Days movie first, and while it was nice I think it strips a lot of the charm from the DS game; though I have zero idea if it maybe is closer to the original japanese version...? (On a side note watching the days opening now having played Re:Com and KH2- oh! That scene!- oh! Xigbar! Fuck that guy---- Days was my first KH game it's a wonder I understood anything).

I could have sworn I wrote down notes for this playthrough... I don't have a lot more to say than how I've felt about this game over the years. It still might be my favourite... I know the trio is DEFINITELY my favourite of the trios... I know I hated Agrabah for ages because of it but this playthrough helped me get over it and I found myself actually liking the monotony of the gameplay. Leechgrave and Ruler of the sky were way easier than when I was younger I think people exaggerate how hard those bosses are.

Oh right, I never played mission mode or challenge missions that much when I first played it and I don't get why, it's useful and fun!!

❤︎

Ok so I've got something to admit... despite being a fan of KH for a while now I've never watched like.... hmmm 90% of BBS cutscenes. Gave myself a brief synopsis but just never got around to delving deeper.

BBS dumps so much information and tutorials on you that I still do not fully understand how the command board is supposed to work and at this point I'm too afraid to ask. I'm not sure how beginner friendly this game is... kinda feels like a game for a lot of experimentation or game guides.

It has been years since I've played DDD so getting used to that command deck in BBS was ROUGH, took me until after Radiant Garden to get used to (at least I think it'll prepare me for my DDD replay).

I didn't really get the trio until maybe... fighting Master Eraqus (also, fuck that guy, and his battle). It was from there going forward that I got into the story. To be honest I wasn't sure what to make of Aqua until I played her story and that's when it all fit together, yes... yes I like them all. Still didn't really get too emotional until the point where she is in the realm of darkness and gets saved by those keyblades (I thought it was going to be Mickey - so now I don't know where those Mickey comments about him leaving her there for 10 years come from??).

Mini notes I made during my playthrough:

Obtains reversal and asks what it is before realising it was like Roxas and Sora's reversal move and I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YO (proceeds to never activate it, cause I suck).

One note is just me writing "Captain Justice???????" I assume when he appeared on the command board before I saw him in Ventus' story.

The Spirit of the Magic Mirror is a genuenily terrifying design I hate it so much, and you fight him twice? (not hard, just scary)

Aqua vs Terranort phase 2 was my Legends Arceus Origin Forme Giratina (but thankfully it was MILES easier than the first phase).

I love that when you visit disney worlds in the different stories it plays at different points in time/merges together at some point.

Pacing was a little weird for me because I finished each story in under 10 hours (considering Reverse/Rebirth took me 15 hours) it was pretty surprising... but I think... I like that? I've never been big on JRPGs but I can see BBS as being the easiest to replay for how short each story is. I don't know what they'd do but I'd love another game like this, regardless if it fits into a bigger picture. Let me play side characters like this more PLEASE.

❤︎

Now, I've owned Re:coded on the DS longer than I've had the PS4 collection but I will be playing that next for the first time, I've heard mixed opinion but if the different gameplay is true then that's huge.

For this I WILL play the DS game first before watching the movie and with any luck I should finish it before the new year.

[maythearo]

Yeah! The g3!! I know it has certainly been a uhhhh controversial topic lol

Imo draculaura looks sooo cute

Certainly lolll

You know how it goes I'm gonna ramble again so I'll put the read more thing for the sake of scrolling past it 😭

Well I'll start off by saying that, in this era of reboots and mass adaptations of every mildly old franchsie ever, is kinda impossible to avoid negative reactions from the people who were fans of the first generation of such franchises, because it happens, when someone takes something you grew up with and changes it to a modern audience most people's reaction will be "what in the world that's not how it was back in my days" + the phenomenon of older generations not liking the stuff that comes all for younger generations and etc. And I mention all of this bcs this definetely affects how people's opinions on things such as design (of MH in this case) go, there's lots of strong biases in this conversation of reboots and all

And tbh I wasn't immune to that 💀 at first I didn't like a lot of small decisions they made because I was used to the old one and "the og's always better" type of opinion, monster high was a big part of my childhood and probably a big boost to my interest in art! Which is what I live for baisically nowadays so ofc I felt strongly about it 😭 but when I came back after some time I realized, hey it's not that serious. I don't even remember specifically what those things I criticized were about, so that's an indicator of how much I actually cared, deep down lol. Like, pink Lagoona did not kill me, can you believe that? /s.

My opinion as of now, is that I think the g3 designs are really cute on their own!! I'm gonna stop myself from comparing it to the first gen because for the most part that's a waste of time and also a huge tangent from where I want to get 😭 recent reboots are a product of this era and they adapt accordingly. Sometimes they hit sometimes they miss, I think g3 mh is going well mostly!

(Talking about the concept designs and doll designs in this part) g3 takes from general modern fashion, clothing-wise the characters are not draaastically different from each other, they all just dress like how teenagers nowadays do but each got their own little motifs to their wardrobes. I don't think this "lack of difference" between each other's outfits is an enormous one nor is it inherently a bad thing because hey, if it looks good it looks good, and you can distinguish their clothings between one another just fine imo. In some cases I got some nickpicking in terms of "the pattern of this shirt is not working with these pants" or "whoa there's a lot going on with these colors" or "they really love to put bright pink lipstick on everyone huh" but it's rarely something I heavily dislike (only cases I can remember are that I wasn't a fan of was Heath 💀 feels like halfway through the process of his design mattel said "no you can stop now he's good like that" nothing is happening with that look, it's crazy, what happened to my boy. And Twyla, that wasn't as bad a s Heath's, but it just didn't work for me)

I can't say anything about the quality of the material of the dolls themselves bcs I don't have any of the new ones but oh my god, I also think Draculaura is adorable 😫 I think Venus dropped too recently and I'd buy her for sure!! The braided hair is everything and her fashion sense is probably one of my favorites so far? I also love Abbey's doll, and Frankie too especially that one line that they got a guitar? Instrument? Rockstar theme I think? (I'd cosplay that, no joke) from what I can see the designs are putting a lot more variety on drawing and sculpting different body types, features and details on the dolls and I think that's super fucking awesome! G1 also experimented with facial features and details on the body every once in a while but not as nicely done as now!

For the animated series I understand they had to tone it down to some extent because inserting all details the dolls and concept art had could lead to technical trouble (I think), so it isn't fair to compare them to one another. I'm just gonna ignore the animated series in terms of design for now, cause it's in the dolls and in illustration that a franchise like monster high work best anyway. I don't think much abt the cartoon tbh and I'm also not up to most episodes, idk who else dropped recently. But honorable mention, in the standards of the animated series my favorite designs are Deuce and Medusa for sure

That's long enough of a post so I'm gonna stop right hereeee, this was more of an overview of the g3 as a whole rather than ratings of each character, but yeah! I'm no longer a hater, I'm ok 👍 (if you're one of the people who heard me extensively complain over g3 before in another social, honestly I don't even know what it could have been about but you know what, disconsider it, it's easier that way 😭) I may have more opinions about it but that's all I could remember for now. Also my brain is fried.

And I can always change my mind on this, so there's that! Someone get me a Venus and Frankie doll rn please and thank you

[ticklishraspberries]

hi hello i hope this isn't weird but what do you love about The Great? I finally have hulu and im about to start watching it because of you fr like i dont go there but I WANNA GO THERE // @tickle-bugs

omg hi i love this question!! i'm gonna tell you my favorite and my least favorite aspects so u can make a genuinely informed decision lol!! i believe this is all vague enough to not give anything away but give you a genuine review of the show to help you decide to watch it!! i would LOVE if you watched it, i think if you wrote a fic for this in your gorgeous style, i would DIE bc...i just know you'd KILL IT but also 0 pressure, seriously.

my favorite things about the great are:

the characters are all incredibly well-written, well-rounded, and well-acted - especially elle fanning's portrayal of catherine

the humor is sort of dirty/low-hanging fruit but it genuinely always makes me laugh, every episode, someone will say/do something so absurd or hilarious that it cracks me up

the dynamics between all the characters are fascinating - it takes place in a country/time period where class/status, gender, etc. all are so important to your place in society, and yet, characters often have unlikely imbalances of power and different dynamics that you might not expect

the romance is so compelling, just about every romantic relationship has so many layers to it and plays into many different tropes: you have the doomed-by-the-narrative lovers, the childhood besties to star-crossed lovers, the enemies AND lovers simultaneously...just the romance and the sexual scenes are all so compelling and well-done, they clearly had a great intimacy coordinator on this or smth bc damn

THE COSTUMES ARE SO FUCKING STUNNING, like the costumes are indescribably beautiful and actually breath-taking. the dresses that all the main women wear are like actually perfect, i want to steal them all. elle fanning is so beautiful and they manage to make her look even more amazing, like her hair/makeup/outfits are just incredible, but everyone looks so good.

this show doesn't use "it was a different time period" to justify any lack of diversity - there are characters of all different races, multiple canonically queer characters, women are badass and well-written/represented, and while it does address issues like aspects of discrimination in russia during that time period, there is very little actual racism/homophobia in the show, like the characters who are black or queer do not suffer.

my least favorite things about the great are:

the historical inaccuracy is self-proclaimed, but gets a bit silly at times - catherine the great was so fascinating and well-documented in history, but they really just took a concept and ran with it without even trying to get anything right? there are little things like, the number/gender of siblings catherine had, but then the huge differences like how catherine rose to power and became empress. it makes a compelling story, but if you're a history buff, it can be frustrating!!

on that topic, it does gloss over a lot of the good that catherine the great did in real life as it gets caught up in the drama/comedy/romance of the show and forgets to show her as the genuinely accomplished woman she was.

this is a big one: it got cancelled. i haven't finished s3 yet, but i'm a few episodes in and i'm not confident that it is going to end on a fully satisfying note. if a show being cancelled is a turn-off for you, this one did just end and i'm still not sure if the ending is anti-climactic or not, lol.

lastly, this doesn't personally bother me, but it is extremely inappropiate. there is a lot of violence (not too much gore, everything is either very obviously fake, or not explicit), nudity/sex, and totally vulgar language. there is a lot of infidelity, implied/mentioned SA but no scenes that are violent or explicit, overuse of the word "cunt", etc. so just proceed with caution and consider looking up content warnings if you're wary!!

[immunologies]

look at my land developer dawg i’m going to jail 😫

lmao hiiii everyone! i’m anwar (not hadid) + always writing for underused model fcs but anywhooo — thank god for reopening bc i was supposed to app during the first launch but i was on vacation so my activity would’ve flopped real bad BUT… I’M HERE NOW… a lil jet lagged still but fuck it we ball :’) i present to you: iida!

navigate: general info / about / pinterest

sparknotes!

tw / suicide

okawara yosuke, 33 (proud twink death survivor btw he left that long haired era behind in his mid 20s), born and raised in fukuoka prefecture so you know he’s a bearer of the masculinized stereotype that kyushu men have but surprisingly his ego isn’t as fragile as i would expect it to be — i wonder why?

lower middle class to middle class financial status for the entirety of his childhood / it’s one of those things where as a kid you’re like “well, this is it” because you’re not fully aware that your family doesn’t have money on top of being surrounded by other kids who, in return, also come from families without bands so it is what it is / it can’t be that bad when your necessities have always been met

tbh there’s not much to write home about in terms of his childhood as in it was fortunately(?) uneventful for the most part despite starting off rocky: his mom was barely twenty when she birthed him, two freshly married young adults rushed into the hard-bitten chaos of childrearing, do they resent bro in absence of trying to enjoy the beginnings of their married life? probably, but it doesn’t matter by the time his younger brother is born, soo la voo or whatever the french be saying (tiktok reference btw if ur uncool)

yosuke is your average kyushu boy growing up: he spends his time outside rather than inside with his head in the books (it’s the same shit his teachers would always say about his lack of potential, ie: he’s lazy), has boyish fights with his younger and complete opposite of a younger brother, tries his best not to piss off his stay-at-home mom and stay away from his chronically emotionally constipated aviation mechanic drunk for a dad, you get the idea

…UNTIL the voices started to become apparent more than ever and he tells his mother who dismisses it but is reminded of her grandfather who unalived himself from alleged schizophrenia but nobody in her family knows if he ever got tested for it (y’know, if it was a genetic hereditary thing) or if it was just the aftermath of unresolved trauma/ptsd because grandpa fought in the war (you know which war) NOBODY KNOWS A GODDAMN THING. except yosuke as a child hated going to see his relatives in the far village/countryside on his mom’s hick side

lmao but when yosuke told his mom “yeah girly pop dad’s gonna have a shitty liver if he doesn’t stop drinking so much in the next couple years or so” is when she drops his ass off at a mental health facility so she definitely prioritizes her man over a kid that she wasted her 20s raising! (she’s definitely an unevolved libra no shade to yall sorry) but anywho! he’s diagnosed at 17, life is looking brighter(?), but his “schizophrenia” isn’t something talked about much at home because let’s be serious. it’s fucking abe shinzo’s japan at the time, we do not talk about shit like this

yosuke goes on to carry two jobs after high school because his parents didn’t save a college tuition fund for his lazy, non-academically inclined ass so it’s up to him to be the architect of his future / he’s psyched about entering the aviation department of kyoto university after working his ass off by trying to build a humble living but somebody’s bored and filthy rich daughter from a zainichi korean family comes into his life and what does he do? say goodbye to the ol’ pilot dream and traps this woman so he won’t ever have to worry about money like his family did

mind you he actually had love for the old girl! but he’s a gemini and gemini men get bored when you’re not their outstanding type or half as witty or clever as he may be. he knows that he’s settling for what poor lee jiyoung can do for him so after dating in college, yosuke goes on to marry the woman but never goes on to tell her about his “schizophrenia” because he’s scared that it’ll ruin his marriage (spoiler alert: it did)

so uh *scratches head and turns the page* they end up divorcing because his condition worsened as a result of his body becoming “immune” to the medications because he never had schizophrenia in the first place (ie: iida canon) — and he tried saving the relationship for the sake of his position at tk group, he really did, but at the end of the day he’s just some penniless, opportunistic man who failed to completely use up his wife’s beneficiaries. but again, he’s a gemini man who’s good at playing the part of using his “mental health” as a crutch of their failed marriage instead of being exposed for taking advantage of his ex-wife financially

(trust me he’d rather be that Type of Shitty instead of portrayed as the Exploitative Type of Shitty because it gets some pity points on his end. believe the scheme!)

so now? okawara yosuke takes up the tk group’s little passion project proposal with goero because it’s a chance at redemption. he needs to prove one way or another that he’s worthy of his job, that he’s the right man for it, his undying loyalty to the corp (questionable :3), and he’s taken the more political and diplomatic approach of gravitating/winning the trust or appeal to goero’s inhabitants instead of the founding families ‘cause his coworker’s already doing that anyways — he understands his shortcomings as a foreigner (more so as a japanese guy telling yall what to do with the land so goero can prosper financially and commodity-speaking for trade.. and commerce..) so if he can strengthen his morale to the people even if it doesn’t mean the quota won’t be met — yosuke would prefer that for the sake of ethics. he will promise the residents of goero that much: business or not.

that is all. i think. :-) i’ll be yapping for specifics on discord if needed be

personality!

likes to think of himself as an ambivert over being written off as an extrovert which is kinda true? despite being a professional yapper with those he’s suuuuper comfortable with, he finds that people who don’t match or vibe with him tire him out very quickly / genuinely a very friendly person and is emotionally inhibited probably as a result of his career where logic/numbers/analytics are concerned so yosuke prefers to focus on reason over the “possibilities” … even tho he would like to be that optimistic / isn’t one to have an extreme temper, but can be prone to outbursts if incompetence is in question / really. really. hates the notion of being black-or-white on many matters as life usually puts him in the grey area so. u know. atm doesn’t have any ulterior motives because he doesn’t have it in him anymore to be evil or whatever. he ran out of plans. just trying do the right thing from here on out, so, let him help you! bro’s probably a lawful neutral man i know i’m sorry for being boring :/ c’est la vie

connections!

i prefer brainstorming over anything and i’m down for just about everything so hit me

[purrincess-chat]

2, 8, 22, 24

2. A character whose pov you're currently exploring

I've mentioned before, but I've recently branched into writing for the Legend of Zelda fandom. I've been writing a fic that takes place post-breath of the wild, but pre-tears of the kingdom kind of bridging the gap there. It's mostly from Zelda's pov, so I've been having fun exploring that because the setting is so vastly different to ML and Zelda herself is unlike any character I've written before. It's been fun. As for ML, I'm working on a few fics from Adrien's pov lately and dissecting him like a bug. (pun intended)

8. If you had to write a sequel to a fic, you'd write one for...

I'm doing that too! I'm literally writing a sequel fic to Marinette Dupain-Cheng's Spite Playlist right now! It follows the aftermath of Adrien finding out his father was Hawkmoth when they defeated him and how Adrien recuperates and works through his childhood trauma and establishes his own identity in the world.

22. Do you ever worry about public reaction to what you're writing? How do you get past that?

Considering I was once an avid salt-fic writer in peak salt time, I don't know that I ever have worried about public reaction XD But I think that just boils down to personality and personal philosophy. I fundamentally understand that not everyone is for me, and I'm not for everyone. If someone doesn't like something I've written (and there have been people who definitely haven't jived with what I've written), then they don't have to read it. But ultimately I just write what I want to see and read, so idc if no one else likes it bc I do. I also don't tend to write things that are too controversial or dealing with anything too egregiously heavy. I suppose Adrien's Playlist may tote the line just dealing with his mental health issues and trauma, but even that isn't too dark I would say. So, on that front, I can't really help if that's your dilemma. But I'd say fandom is pretty robust with the idea of don't like, don't read, and anyone seriously bullying someone for writing completely normal fanfic tends to get backlash more than the writer they're bullying. Bc it's just rude.

So, idk if that really helps you any. I've just always kind of not given a fuck, so I just do what I want...

24. How do you recharge when you're not feeling creative?

Oooo so this question really depends on the reason. But in general I'd say give yourself some space from what you're working on. Go for a walk, take a few days off, see your friends and family. Walk completely away from it for a brief period of time. When you come back, read back over what you had and try to find the spot that is tripping you up or holding you back and identify why. Is it because you've written yourself into a corner? Do you not know what happens next? Do you just not like the current direction of the story? The reason behind it will determine how you move forward. If you've written yourself into a corner or just don't like what you have, cut a chunk from what you've recently written back to a point where you can take it a new direction. You don't have to delete it, just paste that somewhere else and try something else. Maybe take time to plan out what happens next, even minimally. Skip ahead to the next thing you can picture and fill in the gap later.

If, on the other hand, your issue isn't so much writer's block, but just a lack of drive to create at all, take a break. Maybe you're stressed and need to decompress for a while. When I find myself in dry patches for ideas, I find it helpful to consume other forms of media or literature that are completely unrelated to what I'm working on. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut when we are surrounded by the same things all the time and our brains just need a little something different to spark new ideas. I find that flipping between LoZ and ML is a good thing for me because the two are so different from one another.

My issues as of late is not so much lack of creativity as it is lack of time to be creative, which sometimes you just have to power through. I chose to go to grad school, so this is really on me.

[nonexistent-introvert]

Birthdays (paper stars 9)

Paring: Joel Miller x f!reader

Word count: 4K

Content: Joel’s birthday, Sarah and Joel’s dynamic. Swearing (Im not sure my brain isn’t working.)

A/N: I went for HSLOT recently and idt I’ve truly recovered. Anyways enjoy this long chapter that is more messy than anything bc I’m writing this at 1am to deal with the fact that it’s a weekday tmr.

Paper stars masterlist

Tommy wanted to bury himself six feet under. The atmosphere, the tension and the sullen looks on Joel and your faces made him incredibly uncomfortable. He had spent almost an entire week before he managed to convince you to hang out with him and Joel. He had spent the same week assuring Joel that he would help make things right between the both of you. Tommy could not keep up a conversation between the three of you, he could only have a single conversation with one person at a time while the other drifts off into space.

You were trying your best to mask your emotions. The various notifications from Joel still sat unread and unnoticed on your phone. Tommy could tell that you were trying your best to keep the mood up with smiles that never quite reached your eyes, polite smiles that you had given to everyone. Joel used another strategy to masked his emotions, he didn’t hide his true feelings behind smiles but simply a blank and unreadable look. Preferring to withdraw himself.

“I fucking give up. What the hell happened between the both of you. You guys have never been this distant with each other before.” Tommy snapped, folding his arms over his chest. SImilar to an adult trying to settle a disagreement between two children. Joel glanced at you, his eyes shining with vulnerability. You looked behind Tommy’s shoulder, shuffling your feet with a small smile on your face. “It’s nothing Tommy.”

“Nothing?” Tommy huffed, “I could have been catching up on sleep today but I decided that i would play peacemaker between the two of you and this is what i have to go through?” tommy complained. “I never asked you to play peacemaker.” Joel muttered. A comment that earned him a single cold glare from you to which he looked away after. “Well, I’m sorry then. I’m sorry for always sticking my big fat nose into your affairs Joel. I guess I would always be the younger brother trying to kiss his older brother’s ass to you.” Tommy spat. Joel was losing his patience, paired with the lack of sleep and constant worry from the past few days, it was an understatement to say Joel was losing it. “Yeah? I’m glad you realised-”

“Enough already.” You pushed Joel away from Tommy. “Fucking hell.” You ran your hands through your hair. “Yes, something happened between us but as you can see none of us here is ready to talk about anything.” You told Tommy calmly. Tommy clenched his jaw, sparing a glance to you before he closed his mouth again. Biting back any remarks he was going to make. He quickly hailed a cab, slamming the door before the driver drove away.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” You shouted at him. Shaking your head in disappointment. Joel stood still, his eyes casted onto the floor. You pursed your lips, how much of him have just been a projection from your past? You turned your back when you heard his heavy footsteps. He held your arm with a firm grip. “Can we talk? Please.” He asked, his eyes boring into yours. You looked at him, contemplating an answer. He looked down, trying to find the right words. “You have been ignoring me and everything I did to reach out. Just listen to me this time and I’ll stop bothering you.” You didn’t miss the hurt look that flashed across his face when you wrung your hand out of his grip.

“What the hell was that to Tommy?” You asked, feeling unjust for your best friend. Tommy was trying to lift the mood, he didn’t deserve receiving those comments from Joel. “Fuck, I just- I just snapped at him. I’m sorry- I. Fuck I’m just a mess.” he laughed cruelly at himself. You leaned against a railing, inviting him to do so too. “Hey, just-calm down.” You comforted, Joel was sweating, his breaths was uneven. He already had enough health issues to worry about.

“I-. I meant to say that I’m sorry for standing you up. I didn’t mean to I swear. I just got carried away with the drinks.” “With another girl?” Joel’s eyes widened, did you see him? “You saw me?” You sighed, “I walked past the bar on my way back.” Your heart sunk, Joel had just confirmed your suspicions. “No, you got it all wrong. She’s Tommy’s girlfriend. I was with Tommy that day.” Joel let out a shaky breath, “Tommy asked me to go get drinks with him, he wanted me to meet his girlfriend. Her name is Maria.” You opened your mouth to ask for a further explanation. Then all the thinking you did for the past few days hit you, him drinking with another woman shouldn’t bother you. “I-I honestly don’t care that you’re drinking with others Joel. I was just upset that you stood me up without a further notice.” “I’m sorry, I know it doesn’t help but I just got carried away. It won’t happen again.” You turned away from him, a heavy question on your mind.

“Would there even be an ‘again’?” Joel tilted his head in confusion. You closed your eyes, swallowing the lump that was forming in the back of your throat. “What was that dinner even for Joel?” It was just another phrasing for the cliche question, “What are we?” He would notice if he knew how to read between the lines. Joel furrowed his eyebrows, the wrinkles making their presence known. He knew exactly what you meant, but the doubts that formed that day was present today again. “It’s just a simple dinner.” He replied. You nodded, chuckling lightly at his answer. It was all in your head all along. “I see.” You replied. “Thanks for clearing it up.” You smiled to him, a smile that seemed so distant.

“Are we… good?”

“Yeah, I guess we are.”

Joel knew he gave you the wrong answer as he watched your figure retreat into the distance. He kicked the ground frustratingly. It was for your own good. He told himself.

=================================

It was anything but good. Everything changed after that. You stopped coming around for dinner, Joel stopped coming around at night. The only time you talk to Joel is when Sarah is around. You started keeping yourself busy with work and other friends. Joel focused on his business and Sarah. It was like you guys had started waking your own separate paths.

Tommy noticed of course. His relationship with Joel went through a rough patch after that day too. It eventually evened out, like all the rough patches he had with Joel. At first he thought that the both of you just never resolved whatever happened. However, Joel wasn’t his distracted self, he was in fact even more focused than before. You started smiling and laughing more carefree, grinning from ear to ear when he sees you around or through pictures of you on social media with your friends.

“We settled it.” Joel had told him but your absence in Joel’s life made him realize that even if it may be resolved, something big had happened.

“Uncle Tommy.” Sarah snapped Tommy out of his daze. Tommy tightened his grip around Sarah’s hand, leaning down to ask her what’s wrong. “Do you know what happened between Dad and -“ Tommy’s loud sigh cut her off. He didn’t need her to finish her sentence to know. Sarah had always been an observant kid. Tommy shrugged, “Been wondering the same thing too.”

“It’s just- it’s dad’s birthday in two days. I want all of us to celebrate it together with him but Dad and her seem weird around each other.” Sarah confessed. “Weird how?” Tommy opened the truck’s door for her. “Their conversations seems very forced and awkward now. But Dad still looks at her like a lost puppy. I caught him looking at her from our kitchen window.” Sarah laughed at how Joel insisted that he was just in a daze. Tommy chuckled, “If Joel hears that, he will be whining non stop about how he’s not.” Tommy buckled his seat belt, “Just do it. The only thing I know for sure is that they would do anything for you.”

================================

Tommy was right. You couldn’t decline Sarah’s invite no matter how much you wanted to. When she showed up at your door, a handmade invite to come for Joel’s birthday. You agreed immediately, not realising the consequences of your actions. You rubbed your face with your hands as you stood in the store, stressing over a gift for Joel. Joel is the person you had fallen for ever since you were young, from a crush to feelings. Then he disappeared for a few years but his presence was always there with you and now you stood in a store stressing over a birthday gift for him after he had snuffed out any hope that he had feelings for you. Even if you were still struggling to come to terms with that fact, you still had to suck it up and celebrate his birthday because you didn’t want to deal with Sarah’s disappointment.

“Are you looking for a gift for your lover?” Lover, you almost scoffed in reply. “No, he’s just a friend.” You told the older lady who had came up to you. She smiled, “Hmm, but he is not quite just a ‘friend’ is he?” You rubbed the back of your neck, were you that obvious, what if you were thinking out loud? You mentally cringed at the last thought. “Pardon me if I am overstepping.” the old woman apologised upon witnessing your silence. “Oh um, you’re sort of right. He’s an old friend but..” You admitted with a sheepish smile. She shook her head in amusement, “I recognise that look. We tend to have the worst dilemma when it comes to picking out presents for the people we love. Simply because we want it to be perfect for them.” She continued, admiring the various items on display. “I’ll give you a tip. I’m sure he’ll appreciate something that shows off more of you.” You gave the old lady a questioning look. She chuckled warmly, “I used to be the same as you, but one day I didn’t know what to get him so I simply wrote a card for him. My old man cried and up till now, he still keeps the letter tucked in his work desk. He says he reads it whenever despite how many times I told him to get rid of it. It’s embarrassing.” The old woman eyes crinkled as she thought of her husband, a look of adoration evident on her faace.

You pursed your lips, deep in thought before a look of realisation dawned upon you.

“Thanks! I think I know what to give him now.” You grinned, bowing a little to her.

The paper stars, you’ll suck everything up and just give it to him.

“We have enough of these trinkets home.” A voice interrupted the conversation you were having with the old woman. She smiled at the man who had came up to him, the very same look of adoration was given back to her despite how he had just complained and you knew immediately that this old man is the same man she had just mentioned. “I was just having a conversation with the lovely lady here.” She clarified. The old man eyes drifted to you to which you gave him a meek wave. His look changed, as though he recognised you. You brushed it off, smiling at the couple before you. “Oh dear, we got to go back. I have to cook dinner tonight.” The old woman reminded as she glanced at the watch on her husband’s wrist.

“Have a nice day.” the man bidded. “I wish you luck. You’re a lovely woman, I’m sure he will notice that soon enough.” The old woman said. You nodded as you waved to the old couple, envying them. Their body language, how they treated each other. You could tell from miles apart how deeply in love they were with each other.

“Darling, did you know who she was?” The old man questioned, the old woman shook her head. “No, she just reminded me of how I looked when I was younger and trying to pick a gift for you.” She admitted with a laugh. The old man stared, trying his best to recall where he had seen you. “Oh!” He exclaimed. Excitement shined in his eyes, “Remember Joel? I think she is the woman he was talking about then, with heart eyes.” The old woman face brightened up too, “Oh, the lady in the picture!” She said, thinking back of when she had questioned the photo he had kept in his wallet. The old man nodded enthusiastically. “Well, I really do hope that she’s referring to him then.” the old woman sighed before retelling the conversation to him. He grinned, “It probably is him. His birthday is tomorrow.” The old woman smiled, “I hope everything goes well.” The old man nodded, thinking back on the boy who had came up to him and pleaded for a job back then. “I wonder how he’s doing. He was of great help. A quick learner and a great man. I think he helped attract a few more customers with his looks too.” The man laughed which earned a slap from the woman. “We ought to have him over for dinner someday.” The man nodded in agreement. “Maybe he’ll bring her along too.” She giggled

==================================

“Happy birthday Joel.” the words repeated in your mind. A constant reminder in case you panic and end up a stumbling mess in front of him when he opens the door. You were late, you tried your best but it just had to be today that you had difficulty getting away from work. The door swung open and you blurted the word ‘happy’ before Sarah’s face greeted you instead. “Dad’s late.” she told you, disappointment evident in her voice.

You walked in, pressing on your phone. “I’ll pester Tommy.”

Tommy picked up, “Hey,Thought you were Sarah.” He greeted. “Are you with Joel?” “Mhm yeah, man would not get out of his office. I tried multiple times but he’s stubborn.” Tommy complained from the safety of his own office. “What is he doing?” You questioned. “We got a big customer recently, its a make or break one. Joel is giving it his best plus he has been pretty focused on work these past weeks too.” Tommy said. You sighed, “I bet he forgot that it was his birthday.” He always did, he was never one for birthdays. Tommy stretched from his seat, “Yeah. How’s Sarah? It’s pretty late.” Tommy glanced at the clock. “Disappointed, I was late too.” You told him. He sighed, “I’m trying my best.” You nodded, reassuring tommy before hanging up.

“He’s swamped with work isn’t he?” Sarah asked, you sighed, noticing the disappointed look on her face. “Yeah. Are you tired?” you sat down next to her as she flipped through the channels on the TV. “Kinda. But I’m fine.” “Sleep first then. I’ll wake you up when he’s back.” You suggested. “No, I’ll last.” She insisted, her eyes fell to the box beside her. “That’s the watch?” You asked excitedly, trying to avert her thoughts away from the disappointment. She handed it to you, “Do you think he’ll like it?” You smiled looking at it. It was a pretty ordinary watch except for the green strap. The green that reminded you of Joel. “Maybe he will actually start being on time for things now.” Sarah laughed. “You have a good eye.” You complimented, gently placing the box back onto the table. Sarah groaned as she stared at the clock again, you listened to her complain about Joel but you know that despite her complaining, she knows deep down that Joel was doing this all for her. “What did you get for him?” She asked. You handed her the large jar of paper stars you had brought him. “Paper stars?” She questioned. “Yeah, it’s stupid I know.” She grinned, “No I didn’t mean it that way. Just asking if there is a hidden meaning.” She asked,. You stared at Sarah, only just realising that she had the same brown eyes he had. “Hmm, it’s a stupid meaning too.” She stopped boucning around, stared at you and gave you her fullest attention.

“I liked him when I was younger but I thought it was a crush. I figured that everytime he did something that made my heart flutter I’ll fold a paper star for him. When one day it fills up, I’ll confess. If it doesn’t then it would just be a crush.” You simply explained. Her eyes lit up. “You like Dad!” She exclaimed in excitement. You blushed, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny it. “But you never told him?” She questioned, admiring the paper stars that you had so pain painstakingly folded. “I moved away before I could.” You told her, deciding to leave out the part that he had also just gotten together with her mother.

“So are you going to confess to him today?” Sarah asked, “Cause I would definitely accept if I was him.” She added on. You shook your head, “It will just ruin his birthday and my day.” Sarah frowned, “Your dad, he-he doesn’t see me that way. Never did it seems like.” Sarah hugged you, catching you off guard. “I honestly doubt that.” She muttered. You smiled, her hug was consoling you. You hoped that she was right too.

==================================

Sarah was lying on your lap fast asleep. Your legs were becoming numb but you still stayed still. The sound of keys made you quickly nudge Sarah awake. “I think he’s back.” You muttered. She rubbed her eyes groggily before she processed what you told her. Sarah sat up, you could tell that it was taking all her control not to open the door for him. The moment Joel;s figure peeked out from the door, Sarah tackled her father. You heard Joel chuckled heartily.

“Happy birthday Dad!” She exclaimed, long forgotten that she was disappointed a few hours ago when she realised Joel was late. “Can’t join in. Only managed to get him home by doing the remaining work for him. Enjoy.” Tommy messaged. You typed out a quick reply before looking back at the door. Joel had picked Sarah up, you quickly helped him with the door as he placed his suitcase by the wall and removed his shoes. Sarah’s excited words and Joel’s calming voice fading into the background as your heart pounded in your chest. Why were you nervous?

“Hey.” He smiled to you, you nodded meekly. Even in the dark, his smile seemed to glow, it seemed brighter than usual today. “You guys were just sitting in the dark?” He laughed, using one hand to flick the lights on. “How else were we supposed to surprise you? Plus it saves us electricity.”

You didn’t miss how the smile on Joel’s face falter. He didn’t want Sarah to worry about the bills at home. “Happy birthday Joel.” He grinned at you, his eyes becoming small as he smiled so widely as he put Sarah down. “Sit down!” Sarah led him to the couch. He placed his arm over the cushion and directly behind you. You stiffened slightly at the contact. He casted a worried glance towards you, cautious to not overstep boundaries but you leaned back anyways. Your body slowly relaxing in his touch. Sarah thrusted the box to Joel, his gaze narrowed at her. “What’s this?” “Just open it” you laughed.

Joel eyes widened at the sight of the watch. “Well you keep complaining about your watch.” Sarah started, eyeing Joel carefully for his reaction. Joel plucked the watch out from its box delicately and put it on. A proud grin spread across his features as he stared at the watch, it suited him well. “You like it?” Joel hummed. “Honey, it’s nice but-“ “What?” The panic in Sarah’s voice was evident. You looked at the watch, resisting the urge to roll your eyes at Joel. He glanced at you with a mischievous look. He tapped on the watch, “I think it’s stuck.” Sarah grabbed his arm over, glancing at the watch. “No, no.” She rolled her eyes at Joel’s antics “oh haha.” She replied sarcastically, shoving Joel’s hand away. “You’re so annoying.” You remarked. He simply laughed. “Where did you even get the money for this?” “Drugs. I sell cold hard drugs.” Sarah laughed, snuggling to your side. Joel admired the watch further. “Great. You can start helping out on the mortgage then.”

You gently sat up, “Where are you going?” Sarah asked. “I’ll take a picture of the both of you.” You smiled. It was simple, no cake, not even dinner. Joel probably loved this, a tiny feeling made you feel like you were interrupting a private moment. “No. You haven’t even gave Dad your gift.” Joel raised his eyebrows in surprise, you wanted to scoff at his response. Sure you were a bad giver but he expected nothing? You pursed your lips, your jar of paper stars felt silly after a watch. It was as though your gifts had been swapped.

“This is stupid but here.” Joel looked confused by the jar of paper stars. Then it occured to him that it was the same jar from that day when you chased him out of your house. The very same that he fumbled with. “It’s not stupid.” Sarah defended, she wished you had more confidence in yourself. “So that was what-“ “No, kinda. Long story.” You clarified. “I ruined your surprise didn’t I?” Joel asked, his eyes boring into yours. “No. It’s just-“ you wished you had a way with words. Joel would have made a teasing remark about how you should have kept the surprise better but he was smart enough to realize maybe now was not the time.

A silence fell between you two. A silence that made everyone uncomfortable. Sarah was panicking inside. “What would uncle Tommy do?” She wondered in her head, only he will be able to break the ice. “Let’s take the picture.” She suggested instead. “I’ll take it.” You offered but Sarah dragged you down. “Join the photo.” Joel suggested. You looked at Sarah who nodded enthusiastically.

Sarah sat on Joel’s left after hitting the timer while you were on his right. His arm was behind you while he pulled Sarah tighter. His hand hung over Sarah’s shoulder, the watch she had bought him in full display. The jar of paper stars were balanced between your lap and his. Sarah posed with a peace sign and Joel pulled you closer, earning a grin from you.

The photo soon joined the frames of photos that was decorated around Joel’s house.

============================

The paper stars now stood on Joel’s nightstand. He had glanced at it, wondering what was the significance behind the paper stars. You were never one to buy just random gifts, plus you had it for months. There was definitely some kind of sentimental value. He sat down on the bed and pried off the lid. Staring and gently shaking the jar as he watched the stars move around. There must be a memory, maybe from childhood? He cursed his ageing memory.

He flicked on the lamp on his nightstand. His arm accidentally brushing the lid off to the floor. He sighed, picking the lid up. His eyes widened in surprise. There was a letter on the floor, he stared back at the lid. It had been taped onto the underside of the lid before.

He leaned against his pillow, staring at the letter that was titled to him. He admired the handwriting of his name, wondering when you had written this.

“Dear Joel, you’ll never read this but-“

Joel’s eyes drifted close before he even finished the sentence. Exhaustion catching up with him.