#just kids that grew up too fast and haven't learned how to let go of those coping mechanisms that we don't need anymore

[spacedace]

Thinking about the preserved evidence of children playing in the mud formed in a giant sloths footprint 11,000 years ago and the little felt plush swan they found preserved in a burial site from 2300 years ago and the pattern of the clothes found on a bog body in Denmark from 2000 years ago and all the pawprints that litter our history and all the little notes of love and affection that have survived through the centuries and the jokes and the joys and the the stories we still pass down from a time so long ago the stars themselves were different and any way I'm crying over how people have been like this, looking for joy and companionship and comfort and beauty and love in all the forms it comes in since the beginning.

[notbojack]

Random hcs with the Lin kuei bros bc why not (gifs not from me)

Bi han

*giggling*

Anyway

His side eyes are absolutely criminal btw

When he's in a situation where he can't express his frustration, you can be sure he will send them a side eye

Yk cats when they clearly are judging you? Yeah that's him

Speaking of animals, I think if anyone retrieved some animal to the Lin kuei (cat, dog etc) he'd clearly express his disapproval bc it's a distraction or some shit

Yet he ends up being the one to take care of them (like dads with the pet they didn't want LOL that's him)

Bi han reminds me of a freaking cat so I decided he was one

A very grouchy cat that has ice daggers instead of claws-

I think he reminds me of this animal bc they can be very rude and insolent even to the people they love (saw it on tiktok srry I had to)

He was raised like that, to be tough. And though that succeeded, it still left a mark

He never really asks for help for anything even when he needs it bc he's too ashamed to admit he does need help sometimes

Kuai liang

Sigh

*tweak*

He was very obviously a daddy's boy btw just saying. It's already evident enough in the interactions so that is out of the way

But I think he really had a lot of admiration for bi han when they were kids

I saw somewhere that little siblings see their big siblings as like their second parent. I think that def happened with them

Notice how I said he HAD admiration

I think they grew apart slowly with time but it might be also bc of their mom's death that possibly made bi han even colder

He's rather similar to bi han

Haven't anyone noticed how he looks at others?? Like bro is really eyeing them down like losers lol

I think that's just how the Lin kuei raise people at this point

NOBODY is letting him cook after that one time he tried and burned down the entire kitchen

His brothers are always there to remind him randomly

"Hey can you pass me the pepper" "no I don't want you to burn down the kitchen again"

Actual interaction with his brothers btw

Still he's quite literally a heater so if you're cold yk what to do

He hates winter AND summer. He's a subtle hater of these two season (he's not)

Tomas vrbada

Oil up 😘

I'm playing (I'm not) 🤭

I think he's a humble man BUT he's a little shit

He will probably tease before fighting btw

He's mischievous as fuck. I think it's coming from being a hunter or something cuz they play with their preys or whatever

He was def playing cheeky pranks as a kid

It's why he learned his smoke abilities. He had to run FAST to not get caught after a prank (he runs really fast now bc of that) so it was easier to just disappear

That and bc bro was on the trenches in the household

I can see the Lin kuei bros "play fighting" with each other

What a gentle word to say it was a literal mortal kombat (srry I had to-)

I think he too kinda struggles to ask for help, though not as much as his brothers

He's more open minded than his brothers so I can see him acc going to see the mortal kombat movie Johnny produced

I think he's pretty interested in earthrealmers customs. He barely saw any cuz he was with the Lin kuei practically all his life so he wonders how it's like sometimes

Anyway end of my yap session. I got inspired from some mk posts. Mk fans WHERE TF ARE YOU

[kingwuko]

*opens the door menacingly and stands there in the dark* Give me Wuko kids.

AAAHH you scared me!!

But yesss Wuko kids lets see....

First of all I firmly believe Mako and Wu adopt, and that they adopt when they are late-30s early 40s. I feel really strongly about this for Mako's sake, because he was parentified at the age of EIGHT and spent his childhood and adolescence taking care of Bolin. Mako lost his parents, grew up too fast, and raised Bolin (And listen here. Mako did a GREAT job. seriously. Bolin turned out great all things considered!) But he neglected himself for too long because of it.

SO Mako should get to spend his twenties and thirties being selfish. Figuring out who he is outside of a caregiver role. Very important that he does that before raising kids. Otherwise he's going to fall back into that same pattern of self-neglect and ignore his own needs. Nope I don't want that for Mako and neither does Wu.

So @creampuffqueen converted me to the Wuko GirlDads agenda, and I'm pretty much all in with that. and I'm not gonna lie, I have been thinking about those girls, who they are, their personalities, etc. Thing is I don't have anything fully fleshed out in my brain. But here's where my idle brainstorming is so far.

There are four girls, ranging in age from 13 to 5.

I cannot tell if this idea is weird or not, but I was thinking it could be pretty interesting if the each of the girls were benders from each element. I was trying to figure out the best way to do this. As far as I know there's no hard rules about how bending is inherited in mixed heritage families, and I don't know enough about genetics to make up rules that make sense. So I guess either they come from a very mixed heritage of Fire, Earth and Water nations, or maybe one or more of them are half sisters having a different parent. I kind of like the idea that the oldest had a different father than her younger sisters, and that he died when she was very young, and her mother met someone else of different heritage and had the other three.

I also kind of think it would be interesting if they were from another city in the United Nations, like Yu Dao maybe. Perhaps at this time Repubic City has a better program for child protective services, but Yu Dao lags behinds?

So I like the idea that the oldest is an earthbender, and the next two sisters are water and firebenders. And their parents died when the youngest was about one or two. So the girls have been on their own for three or four years. And it was kind of working okay, they were managing, looking out for each other and especially the youngest.

UNTIL. The youngest starts airbending.

So the girls have no idea what to do, but decide maybe they should take their chances, leave Yu Dao, and go to republic city to air temple island because they genuinely don't know how to help their sister learn her bending.

So they cobble together enough money for train tickets and make the journey, I'm sure they encounter many obstacles along the way, but eventually they make it to air temple island. And Mako and Wu (whom I have no idea if they are both earth kings or if Wu has managed to abdicate or what. I haven't thought this out enough lol) are visiting air temple island and these four scrawny orphans show up with a teeny five year old who keeps unexpectedly making tornadoes and both Mako and Wu are just immediately invested.

then idk they adopt and they are awesome dads and it's obviously a huge adjustment for everyone but they all live happily ever after the end.

Maybe the girls get into recreational probending and Wuko are sports dads.

[nicksolemnlyswears]

Hii there, I just want to share some toughts with someone who is equally delighted with Han as I am. Here I was rewatching Tokyo Drift since I have such a soft spot for this movie, specially Han in it, and I think besides his likeable cool and collected persona, there is a dark side of him that is often unnoticed by many, I mean, the man turned Tokyo into his own personal playground and laughted at the face of the Yakuza and playing it and Takashi like a violin, it requeries a HUGE amount of balls and boldness to do this (we can also credit that to the "all or nothing" posture/mentality as a reflex to Gisele's "death"), and he can also be very egoisticaly manipulative and keep secrets (lies), you can see by the way Takashi was so angry with him, bc he believed Han was his friend and he could trust him, he is a "chamaleon", and the fact that he decieved and lied about his death for all those years to Dom and the crew, yeah he had a legitimate reason to do it (protect his adoptive daughter) but still show he can do it even to the people that loves him, ALSO, lets not forget in the 6th movie when Giseles "dies", he gets so angry that he mauls the face of a goon untill he is bloody red and literally throws his entire body in the turbine of a plane, which shows that when if comes to the extreme that man can go WILD (even physically), and damn, it shows how rich his character can be and I wish he was more fully explored before, can you imagine an spin off from his Tokyo days or early years?! Ok, end of my rant 😅

i took your rant to another level. please enjoy my deep dive.

you are completely right. han does have a super dark side and i often fall victim of ignoring it. his character is structured in a way that both the people in the movies and the audience fall for his calm and collected persona.

if we go all the way back to the beginning han's character comes from the movie 'better luck tomorrow' where he's essentially a little thug from california who had a smoking problem and stole computer parts to sell. in the end of the movie he and his friends took part in killing a kid and end up burying him in a backyard.

that aside he was a teenager when this happens, shit happens when you are a teenager and usually you learn from it and move on. except next time we see han is in tokyo drift (with about 4 f&f movies that haven't been released). i think it's safe to say he did not move on from it but evolved.

now technically speaking this evolving happened because to adapt this character to the f&f franchise he had to be more likable and chill and not seem like an amateur in order for him to blend in with the toretto crew. in other words he had to have useful qualities and a 'heart of gold'. i'm pretty sure had he been the same as 'blt' he wouldn't have been as well received in the gang.

that gap of him evolving is hidden from us because of the time jump from 'blt' and the dominican republic (which is where he makes his first appearance chronologically). i'm guessing he kept being a thug, jumped from place to place, grew and learned his chameleon ways, (it would be so interesting to see if it's something he developed himself or if someone taught him) and committed a crime that made him run from the country.

it's like you said he's a chameleon and he does it too well. he gets along well with the toretto crew but he also had a whole lot of fun in tokyo with takashi and the yakusa. for fucks sake he owned a club.

'you make choices and you don't look back' is his motto. that's something that someone who's fucked up many times in the past would say.

his chameleon persona is the reason he and gisele got along so well. they are the same. she uses her assets to win and get her way much like he does. in fast five and that other movie with shaw's brother we see gisele using her flirtiness to get info and han doesn't mind one bit because he understand. (not to mention it benefits him in f5 because of the $ in the other one to get his freedom back). which leads to my other point.

he is egotistical! he lives in a world where he needs to constantly watch out for himself and he takes it a step further by putting himself in dangerous situations. purposely! with most of the toretto missions he has something to gain. yes, those are his friends but most importantly they are partners in crime.

gisele and han. they loved each other. i'm not taking that away from them. it's completely reasonable for han to mourn her and beat the guy to death. but also he's so upset because he lost the other person that understood him in that deeper level. we don't know much about their relationship but if he was going to show his true colors to anyone, his whole self, it would've been gisele.

i agree with you that the reason he adapted that 'all or nothing' mentality was due to gisele's death. people react different to a loved ones death. it can explain this regression he did to more dangerous endeavors in tokyo drift. even though gisele didn't even exist in the creators mind. im taking creative liberty here to give han more depth lol.

while he did lie about his death lets not forget he let dom know he was alive with the postcard. i want to believe the whole elle deal kinda gave him a wake up call for all he did in tokyo. he remembered he once wanted to settle down with gisele and maybe taking care of elle made that dream a version of his reality. just because gisele is gone doesn't mean he can't slow down and take it easy.

bottom line, han is not the saint he appears to be. he's dangerous and impulsive and manipulative and egotistical. but it doesn't necessarily mean he's a bad guy. he also shows a lot of good qualities throughout the movies but i'm not getting into them or i'll be here forever.

han lue (seoul-oh) is one of the best well developed and interesting characters in F&F whether is was on purpose or not. i quite like there's mystery behind him.

they always say to watch out for the quiet ones and i agree.

[tamelee]

Pleaaaseee there is a tier list on ships from Naruto would love to see that one!

Okay I found a decent list to fill in, here you go:

There were many ships that are completely random so I just threw them all into one category..

About the last category

SakuLee.. I actually thought they were going to be a thing when I first saw the show because no way Sasuke was ever going to give in to her advances. And I was right about that last part because he didn't. And gradually Sakura was little by little being a bit nicer about Lee when she decided to visit him at the hospital.. and wow!! For her, that's amazing development because at the time and even now her entire character is based on that selfish love (Kishimoto's words not mine) she has for Sasuke. And so she even said to Ino that the flowers she brought with her weren't just for Sasuke- it was explicitly stated in the Manga- so that visual AND text said a whole lot about her... buuuuuut then that went down the drain real fast too. And so, no this ship doesn't make sense but I think it could've been if x, y and z..

ObiRin!! Okay, I know I have KakaRin in the category where I get that people ship it, but not ObiRin- why? Because Rin loved Kakashi and not Obito. And so shipping ObiRin for me doesn't make sense since I am also against other one-sided ships. Rin to me however is an entirely different character from.. let's say Sakura or Hinata and so are the dynamics between them within Team Minato. Rin genuinely cares for both Obito and Kakashi equally, but she doesn't love Obito in a romantic sense. She also didn't chase after Kakashi rabidly trying to get him to like her back, that's why, although Rin showed many gestures towards Obito that really shouldn't be underestimated, I wonder how it would've played out with Kakashi under different circumstances. His resolve and beliefs were already swaying during that mission thanks to Obito- if they succeeded, perhaps Kakashi grew up learning to love that way. Perhaps that would've been Rin. (Or maybe not.)

SakuHina.. just put them together and let them be miserable together? I see many benefits from this tbh. Two of the most selfish characters to have ever existed if not the most selfish characters ever- lump them together, never bother anyone else- problem solved.

SaiIno.. I don't really have a problem with this ship but.. Sai is really gay. I'm sorry but what is he doing with Ino? He found her ugly and they're pretty much together for the sake of.. well kids/next gen stuff. For Ino I think it's fine, Sai sorta looks like Sasuke so it makes sense for her.. but Sai being in love with Ino, canonically? Weird. I know, SaiIno shippers will fight me on it, that's fine, you people have great art though, I'm not complaining.

Jiraiya/Tsunade.. I haven't really seen them being shipped together other than places like IG and Reddit. And some of them were really protective of them- Jiraiya would've always put his WoF above Tsunade which she accepted... why is this a good ship? I don't have much to say for this other than my surprise of their popularity..

Choji and Karui.. apparently their relationship was "explained" in filler novels. Choji simply said he was "interested in her". So they married and made a baby for 'Boruto'. Although 'Boruto-canon', this shit makes no sense.

ShikaIno, look I shipped them. I mean, I used to when I first watched the show because I liked their team-work and I thought Ino's very extra behavior balanced well with Shikamaru's more calm nature. I mean, if anything, he had misogynistic thoughts which he sometimes voiced out loud.. so perhaps a bit ignorant at the time, but I thought Ino was the one helping him with that development partly because of her appearance (since well.. the genre..) instead of Temari, but alas. And I think this is better anyway.

KankuSaku.. LISTEN! Hear me out~ Ship makes no sense at all. BUT. She came all the way from Konoha, saved his life just in time, playing doctor in a way where she didn't need to be all worshipped as a Mary Sue in some weird- godforsaken jail (ESAKA TAKE NOTES), but actually was useful because she learned, developed and took action- then bonded with Chiyo which Kankuro also somewhat has a relationship with- whom he then takes care of the puppets for after she dies.. there are connections and things that can be used to have them bond over. MISSED OPPORTUNITY OKAY- that's all I'm sayin'.

Most of you know how I feel about Sakura, but one of the scenes where I think she DID very much shine (as most of her fans think she so much deserves for some reason)- is when she tried her best to befriend Sai who actually was pretty rude at the beginning. It was Sakura who asked him what he was drawing when she went out to find him and what it meant to him. It was Sakura who tried to figure out more about him to see if she could help him (and their case) somehow- which surprised me pleasantly!! She for once didn't do this for selfish reasons. Now, both Sakura and Sai don't really grasp situations well especially when it comes to Naruto and Sasuke, but they sorta bonded over it a little. Sai while genuinely wanting to understand and Sakura while genuinely wanting to deny. It's not a ship, nor a really good ship- Because Sai.. and Sakura.. but I still wanted to point it out.

*-* anyway- there is too much to say about so many of these, I'll think I'll try to keep it short 💕

[spritehouse]

On Repeat Prompts

(mostly angst) prompts inspired by my "on repeat" playlist on spotify!

Wrong People (Faye Webster) "Maybe I took what you said a little too. Maybe I took it just far enough." taken too far | arguments | "I didn't mean it like that"

Suspend Your Disbelief (Matt Maltese) "Maybe I'm just bones in a hell-bound motion" brought down to earth | insignificance/undervalued | "Nothing I do matters"

A Lot's Gonna Change (Weyes Blood) "Go back to a time when I was just a girl" matured/grew up too fast | innocence | "I was just a kid"

I'd have to think about it (Leith Ross) "I'm scared to death I'll scream your name" remeeting/re-entering someone's life | reunion | "I missed you"

A Dream With a Baseball Player (Faye Webster) "How did I fall in love with someone I don't know?" falling out of love | strangers | "I don't recognize you anymore"

Mortician (Matt Maltese) "I'll do my best to not romanticize" falling too quickly | blind adoration | "I love everything about you"

Andromeda (Weyes Blood) "Stop calling. It's time to let me be" sudden disconnection/isolation | ghosting | "This is for the best"

We'll Never Have Sex (Leith Ross) "You kissed me just to kiss me." gentle/intimate, non-sexual touches | touch aversion | "You're in control"

Is It Too Much To Ask (Faye Webster) "Maybe you'll give up and come home" one-sided attraction | distance | "I'll be right here."

Driving Just to Drive (Matt Maltese) "Maybe it meant nothing" silent car rides | leaving | "Where are we going?"

Salt Lake City (Etta Marcus & Matt Maltese) "This town doesn't suit you, this town doesn't suit me" leaving everything behind | starting over | "Will you come with me?"

Shotgun (Pomplamoose & dodie) "If you need me you know where I'll be" road trips | sightseeing | "We aren't lost" ("We're lost")

right side of my neck (Faye Webster) kisses at the door | goodbyes | "I miss you already"

Lobster (Matt Maltese) "People come and go, that's how it works" left behind | abandoned | "It's okay, I know."

In The Middle (dodie) "I held his hand like I held yours" still in love | moving on | "I still love you"

Not Strong Enough (boy genius) "I don't know why I am the way I am" proving yourself | dysfunctional | "I don't know why I'm like this"

Remember When (Faye Webster) "I remember when you were happy just to walk me to my car" lost excitement | mundane | "You used to make my heart race"

Studio 6 (Matt Maltese) "I remember one of those mornings, I reached out to wake you" learning to live without them | grief | "I see parts of them in everything"

Hate Myself (dodie) "I'm not magical, I can't read your mind" silent treatment | blame | "What did I do?"

Emily I'm Sorry (boy genius) "We can burn out in the freezing cold" mutual (self) destruction | unhealthy relationship | "I'm sorry."

Come to Atlanta (Faye Webster) "Why won't you come here to visit?" hidden relationship | shame | "You haven't told them about us?"

Sad Dream (Matt Maltese) "It seems a small price now that you've destroyed me" cutting ties | bad dreams | "Can we still be friends?"

Ready Now (dodie) "I'd forgotten people are kind" friendly face in a crowd | reaching out | "How did you know?"

Guts (Aiden Alexander) "You miss me. While I'm indifferent" one-sided relationship | manipulated | "I was using you."

old post from my drafts but i want to use some of these :)

[ponreviews]

Super Mario Bros Movie - Letsa Go!!

Categories: Action, Adventure, Comedy

Rating: 9/10

Synopsis:

Mario and Luigi are just your average plumbers starting their own business in Brooklyn. The brothers find themselves investigating some strange happenings within the sewers beneath the city. The next thing they knew they were warped into a strange universe. Separated, Mario desperately does all he can to get his brother back, teaming up with a princess and a.... mushroom?? to do it all while protecting the Mushroom Kingdom in the process.

Review:

For the first time, I'm going to make this review spoiler free! I think this is a perfect opportunity to get you to watch the movie if you haven't already. I'm still going to attach stills throughout the review like I normally do, but in this case, the stills shouldn't be huge spoilers (especially if you have seen the trailer).

I'll start a bit negative because let's face it, this movie is an obvious cash grab. It primarily feeds off of the nostalgia of older generations while also appealing to younger generations who enjoy Super Mario games. Because of this, there's not a lot of substance to the movie. Unlike other critics, however, I don't believe that makes this movie bad. I went into the theater with little expectations other than "the references should be there."

I was pleasantly surprised by the flow of the movie. Not one part felt like it was slowing down. I liked how animated and exaggerated the movements were. It's very fast paced and for Super Mario, that's perfect. I was surprised to find out how deep the references went. Like that rival plumber (Foreman Spike) does actually exist in the Super Mario lore. It was fun to learn a little bit about the references I didn't know about. I do wish they gave Charles Martinet a bigger role than just a cameo.

I had my concerns about Chris Pratt being cast as Mario, and I hate to admit it, but he was right when he said no one is gonna care about the accent. It's explained pretty well early on in the movie too. An exaggerated Italian accent for a commercial for their plumbing brand? Makes sense. I still don't like Chris Pratt as Mario, but that's just because I don't like him in general. I will note that my bias against him does not affect the rating would've been docked a whole point if it did. He plays the role well, but it's forgettable compared to the rest of the star-studded cast.

Jack Black as Bowser was PERFECT!! His personality fit the character they were trying to go for with Bowser. Same with Charlie Day as Luigi. We all know that meme. The conspiracy theorist Charlie Day meme. Need I say more? Also Seth Rogan?? As Donkey Kong??? That laugh solidified the casting for me. Anya Taylor Joy works as Peach. It would be wrong for me to say it was the perfect casting, but she does make it work. Overall, great performances by the actors.

Illumination should be proud of the animation. They were able to maintain integrity of the games' original designs while sticking to their signature style. It's hard to pull that off and have overwhelming praise. I particularly liked how bouncy (for the lack of a better word) everything was. It really was enjoyable. Going back to the "cash grab" complaint I had, I do respect them for it. It's smart to market the movie for kids while building on the nostalgia of the adults who grew up on the games. I see you Nintendo and Illumination marketing teams. Geniuses all of you. The best part about it is that it wasn't that weird mesh of animation and live action. It was all animated and all wonderful.

Overall, I definitely think this movie is worth the hype it's getting. You could tell everyone involved was just having fun, and that's where you find the best projects. The movie doesn't take itself too seriously, and it's even more amazing when the cast has fun in that project (and the premieres - shoutout Anya Taylor Joy and Jack Black for those wonderful outfits). All in all, if you haven't watched it yet, go! Watch with friends, family, or even alone! If you have watched it already, watch again if/when the movie hits streaming sites with others. I feel like it's a nice comfort movie, and we haven't had one like this in ages.

[pickingwinkles]

I've been tagged by @highponeystoney Thanks friendo!

1. Are you named after anyone? My maternal grandfather. yep I have nothing wittier to say

2. When was the last time you cried? Hmm. Today. I watched some people watch Return of the King on youtube (because that is the way in which i have chosen to fritter away my precious little time on earth) and I cried when they cried when they realised Frodo was leaving for the undying lands. basically i will cry any time i see anyone else cry even if i don't know what they're crying about. why aren't my sentences auto-capitalising on my laptop? Must I do everything myself? I am not cool enough to have non-capitalised sentences.

3. Do you have kids? I'm just going to go ahead and copy paste @highponeystoney 's answer here. No. Nor I do I wish to have any. Never had any desire. *waves to all the busy-bodies who told me I'd change my mind when I'm older*

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot? It depends who I'm with... there are plenty of people who just don't do sarcasm and I will pop it neatly aside for them. But I'm an Xennial and an Australian, it's kind of in my make-up. You didn’t survive teen-hood in the 90s without developing the skill of sarcasm. Also my sister used to call me Darlene (after the character in Roseanne) and I was obsessed with Daria. Make of that what you will.

5. What's the first thing you notice about people? Faces. General facial area. Mostly their chin or mouth because that's where I look so I can understand what they're saying

6. What's your eye color? Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrown

7. Scary movies or happy endings? Depends. I don't like jump scare horror movies, but I like to be scared. The best ones for me never show the horror and good ones of those are few and far between. I can take or leave a happy ending. I prefer a justified ending

8. Any special talents? I can play the nose flute

9. Where were you born? Melbourne baby! In Australia, not that Florida nonsense. So, just 20 minutes ago I was looking up airports and typed in MEL--you know, our airport code because we got it first because we are the best Melbourne--and Melbourne fucking Florida kept coming up first! Excuse moi! One: we are an actual state capital and two: just no. No offence to Florida Melburnians, love ya

10. What are your hobbies? *sigh* Reading, walking, crochet, doodling, playing drums, learning, painting, needle-felting, sewing, cross-stitch and aaaaaall the other things with all the supplies in all the drawers... i just like making stuff okay

11. Have any pets? My kitty cat. She cute

12. What sports do you/have you played? Sometimes I wish I still played something, or had someone to play tennis or something with. At school I played in the volleyball, (field) hockey, and soccer teams. Oh and I was a pretty good high-jumper too… until everyone else grew taller than me. In my own time I used to play tennis, played lawn bowls a few times, and sniffed around the local croquet club. And I've done a few short (5km) runs with so-called friends who made me run. Horrific. Hate running. Actually it was kinda fun running around the zoo...

13. How tall are you? I 163cm last time the doctor checked

14. Favorite subject in school? Art, English, Maths and Science

15. Dream job? Mate, if I haven't figured it out by now I never will. I don't know. The most motivated I am is doing things for other people (literally anything... false. almost anything) and faffing about making things look pretty. So something that combines those.

I was going to tag people... and I'm still too scared to tag people. Look, I am a socially anxious nightmare okay. Just, do the thing if you got down this far and you want to do the thing, yeah? And feel free to let me know if you like to be tagged to do these things, or tag me to say you did it if you like. Not that I get many but you know, if I do. I've lost track of what I'm saying. How did my battery drop down so fast? I gotta get a snack.

[crybaby-baddie]

"She used to be mine"

This song is not just a typical song for me. When I first listened to it, I just burst out in tears for no damn reason. Unconsciously, I knew. I knew that this song was about losing yourself in the process over time. It really defined who I was before... As a child, as a kind person, a weak one forced to be strong by life. This song is about my old self to whom... I am never getting back. My thoughts are a bit scattered but allow me to write everything that I can, so I can empty my cup.

If given the opportunity to go back in time, I would definitely save my younger self. The kid in me. I will hushed her, and protect her in my arms, and whisper "No one is coming to save us, BUT HERE I AM NOW." because back then, I used to ask God to let someone save me, but no one came... I am only forced to be strong, to keep a smiling face despite hurting inside.

"Toughen up." or "Stop being a weak piece of shit."- I always tell myself, which was a very unhealthy way, I could have validated how I felt and assessed why I was feeling that way, and come up with a solution to get pass the feeling.

I should have apologized to myself more. I could have forgiven myself more. I shouldn't have blamed myself for the inconvenience that other people were accountable for. Because of these... err.. bad practices, my heart was filled with anger, which turn me into a very horrible person who wishes nothing but misery to other people as well. The anger that I felt towards the world made me too blind to see the other great things to love.

Nevertheless, they said it is not too late to enjoy the drizzle and make life sweeter with it. So, I did. I've gotten helped.

Currently, I can't really say that I am healed, but I can finally say that I am a work in progress, and I know that I will be better. It is not too late to ask forgiveness from your inner child, your inner angry teen-self, and to give kudos to your current self now. I just want to hug them all if I can (metaphorically) since my past selves were not given enough hugs to be comforted. I'll also add this since it suits the post so much. "

A LETTER OF APOLOGY TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear child, I am so sorry.

I should've done better.

I should've noticed how fast I urged us to get more mature and forgot how frightening this world can be. You grew up too fast.

It's true, we were surrounded by good people. Of that I am thankful. But I can't deny the fact that I wasn't that good to you. You never had the chance to properly feel things, thinking that if you make tantrums or misbehave, people would leave you. You forcefully shut that part of you that needs attention just for the sake of compromise.

You were so afraid of being left alone that you learned to program your mind to simply agree with what others tell you. You were so afraid of being alone and it made you desperate - even to the point of discarding your own happiness just to please people

My deepest apologies. You never deserved that kind of treatment.

I can still feel your longing to cry out loud; to learn how to truly feel without restrictions. I can still sense the hatred looming, no matter how much stuff I gave ourself just to sate the grudge left by our unmet needs.

I can feel how much you crave for that hug, that pat in the head, the assurance that all will be okay and that it's not your fault for not knowing any better.

My Dearest, I am just finding out how abused you got from shouldering all that d*mn adult feelings the world forced on us when it was not ours to begin with.

Hand it over to me now, my dear inner child. Step by step, let me change the world you live in. I am now aware of my shortcomings so let handle this. Let me do the good things that you once expected from the adults around you to do. Let me show you how capable I am right now to be the role model you were searching for. Allow me to teach you the things that you once thought were impossible.

And if you haven't heard this before, then let me say it...

"I love you. Let me make it up to you,okay?"

-duncan Illustration by Behance 

[bellamyblake]

hii this is really random but do u have any headcannons about bellamy growing up in the ark???

hey! it's not random at all! in fact I have written more than a few headcanons about bellamy on the ark as asks here but since i haven't done it in a while, i guess i'll do it again!

i think as a whole he was a really cute and shy kid on the ark;

before O was born, he was the sweetest little boy and he and his mom had a very special and close connection. aurora may have still been stern with him but she loved him dearly and showed him so;

that's why he later feels so much for his mom even after everything they've been through;

his dad dies before he could remember him; he's almost three years old when they float him and the only vague memory he has is of someone's big and warm hands holding him up and singing in a language he didn't understand;

he remembers feeling safe, his dad's rock hard chest and the softness of his hair, similar to his;

aurora get sad and rather depressed after her husband dies but she doesn't grow cold towards bellamy; on the contrary-because he cries so much now that he feels his dad's absence, she tries to pay more attention to him before and after work;

she reads to him every night and puts him to bed with a soft kiss as she tucks him in;

he doesn't do well in daycare; he can't make friends because he's not like the other kids-he's quiet and he likes being in his corner, trying to read books or color pictures or even play with the legos and stuffies on his own; he liked building things out of nothing, constructing but he was also very smart and could read by the age of five;

every time aurora would pick him up, he'd come rushing to her and climb up in her arms, refusing to go; she'd take him home and cook with him like this, with him strapped like a little monkey around her, resting his sweet cheek against her chest and telling her about his day;

even then she could tell he had the biggest heart already; he'd recognize she's too tired to read to him some nights, so he tried to pick up the book and do it himself; other times, he'd wake up in the middle of the night and pull her away from the table where she was sewing and tell her "Mama, go to bed." because she had fallen asleep on the chair;

he'd pick a blanket and cover her up or bring her water whenever she was feeling too weak and malnourished;

that never changed, not even later when O came around and he was forced to grow up so fast;

but what did change was that he grew much quieter and solemn;

not around Octavia, never around her-with her he bloomed and beamed like a sun rey; he'd play with her and pick her up, push her in the air or swing her on his arms even though he wasn't that much older;

he grew up years in just the span of months then-learning how to change diapers, feed her formula, make her quiet, put her to bed; he basically did everything there was;

aurora picked extra shifts to be able to support them but bellamy knew she wasn't taking being a mom a second time that well and he could recognize her coldness not as lack of love, but rather as depression and sadness;

the more octavia grew, the more he pulled away from his mom, though and she would let him; he started working part time after school and though he still wasn't the most popular kid, now for a reason, he had troubles and got in fights a couple of times, something for which she scolded him a lot cause it would mean Octavia possibly being found;

he ate less, so his sister would have more and she'd catch him swaying on his feet a couple of times, usually in the morning; there were quiet very precious moments then too usually in the morning when O was still asleep and he'd get up to help her out with her work orders and prepare food;

she'd reach out to him sometimes then, rub his shoulder or run her fingers through his curls and lean down to kiss his cheek "My boy." she'd say "We wouldn't be able to do this without you, you know?"

"I know, mama." he said but it felt like her words hurt him more than anything so she stopped doing that so often;

when he became a teenager and O grew up more, he'd go out with friends to parties now and then but never too often; he'd spent late nights and come smelling of moonshine; she said nothing-he had a right to his youth or whatever he could scrape of it;

he excelled at school and they noticed it, often praising him for it and telling Aurora she raised a smart boy which is why most of his teachers were surprised when he decided to become a guard;

"I always thought his interests lied in Earth history and English." one of his teachers told Aurora once "It's a waste of talent and resources if you're asking me. You should talk to him, Mrs. Blake." but Aurora only nodded and looked back at her son who was standing by the doorway of the little room, talking to one of his classmates;

she didn't know how to say this was all her idea; she was ashamed she didn't know her son's dreams, that he never once shared them with her;

when he began guard's training, that's when she started asking herself if she made the right choice, not because he was actually letting them brainwash him into their mentality, he was much smarter than this but because he...often came home hurt;

he passed medical but the doctor told him he's weak and malnourished so they prescribed more vitamins and rations; fruit and vegitables-things he hadn't had his whole life; he still opted to give them to O most of the time but ate some nontheless, knowing he had to get stronger;

at practice, they kicked his ass at first; he came home covered in bruises, with sprained ankles, twisted knees, dislocated shoulders;

it was when aurora remembered her son was not invincible; that he was her child and she had to take care of him too;

it was the first time since he was a boy that they rekindled that bond they had before O was born. she was often taking care of his bruised ribs, wrapping them up, putting cold cloths on his burning forehead while O, too worried for her brother, afraid that she may lose him, wrapped herself around him and fell asleep by his side even when he hurt;

at first Bellamy thought Aurora was doing it because she didn’t want him to risk his position with the guards but when he woke up one night with her still awake and sewing by his side, changing the cold cloth on his forehead and tucking him with a blanket he remembered he was not just a boy;

he was a son too; 

and it was nice, it felt good to be loved, even if he still lived for everyone else and not for himself; he would talk to her at night and it’d be nice;

later on when she died and he spent that year alone in their flat, chased by his own demons, crying or drinking himself to oblivion at night, he remembered those conversations and thought how different things could’ve been...

but how wrong they actually were; 

[chaotic-noceur]

malaysia truly asia

paring: Nanami Kento x Malaysian!Reader

summary: the story of how Nanami had come to know about Malaysia and his first trip to the country he had longed to visit

warnings + contents: food/eating, beach, multilingual reader (malay is mentioned, the rest is implied), malaysia references (contextual notes are provided!)

a/n: I never thought knowing the Malaysian slogan would come in handy but here I am. Words cannot express how excited my Malaysian heart got when Nanami mentioned Malaysia so I'm hurling this into the tumblr void for anyone interested :)

contextual notes + malay transalation

terima kasih = thank you

ringgit = Malaysian currency

tokyo is an hour ahead of kuantan

sunrise is around 7am in Malaysia, anytime from 4-6am in Tokyo (according to google)

roti canai = 'Indian-influenced flatbread dish' (wikipedia)

roti tisu = similar to roti canai, except thinner and shaped like a cone

pasar malam = night market, usually on closed off sections of road

flag erasers are often collected by school kids who purchase them from the on campus bookshop

"You're not from here." He says it with such assertion that there was no room to deny it, not that you were going to. You quirk an eyebrow up at him instead from your place on your bed. He nods to the english book currently in your hands as if it's a way of answer. Your head tilts to one side and he sighs before continuing. "Your Japanese is good, but you speak it with hints of... uncertainty, like it's not your mother tongue." I would know, he doesn't say. Your gaze falls from his bashfully and he seems to realise the implication of his words. "I apologise, I hadn't meant it as an insult. I was merely hoping to ask about your childhood."

Your mouth forms an o before you reply with a curt "I grew up in Malaysia and then my family moved here." He seems to consider your answer for a moment before nodding and returning his attention to his book. The pair of you fall silent, residual noise from Gojo's graduation party filters in to fill the gap. Before long, you notice his gaze flitting around the room as he shifts in his seat, a sure sign that he was looking for an opportunity to speak more. You chuckling lightly before putting your book away. "What do you want to know?"

"Everything." Your eyes narrow slightly to deduce if he's teasing. But his eyes hold nothing but genuine curiosity. It was rare for Nanami to ever display his true emotions but there was something about his eyes that was always readable to you. So you talk. You tell him about the road trips you used to take up the peninsula, showed him photos of your childhood, pointed out the few bits of home that were scattered around your room. He clings on to every word as you tell him about the near-constant summer, complained about the humidity, and reminisced about the food that you dearly missed.

Truthfully, you are surprised by his interest. Few people had even heard of the small, dual-part country, even fewer have shown any interest in learning more. Maybe this is the moment you fell in love with him. Or at least, it's the moment you accept your feelings for him as something beyond an passing crush but as something worth fighting for.

“I hope we can visit it some day,” he says when you finish.

We, not I, you think. Your heart flutters in your chest at the realisation. He is seemingly unaware at the implication. You reply with a simple “maybe”, refusing to give in to the false hope that he returns your feelings.

Some months later, you find him huddled in a quiet corner of the Jujustu High library engrossed in a book of Malaysian history, a small notepad open beside him. Where he acquired the book was beyond you. With nothing better to do with your rare moment of free time, you shrug your shoulders before heading towards him, making noises as you move so as to not startle him when you settle beside him.

You're flipping through your book in search of the bookmark when he speaks, "would you like me to read to you?" You turn to look at him so fast he's concerned you might have gotten whiplash. His cheeks are flushed slightly and he refuses to meet your eye. You blink at him for several moments and he clears his throat awkwardly. "I just - well, I was hoping to practice my English with you. It's um.." he rubs at the base of his neck, "it's been a while since I've spoken it."

"Oh," you begin for lack of words. For as long as you've known him, he has never once mentioned being multilingual. Then again, he rarely ever talked about himself. Preferring to let Yuu take the lead in conversations or to direct questions away from himself. "Sure, I'd love to help!"

"Te-li-ma kah-sir?"

"Te-ri-ma ka-sih," you correct as you swipe through the selection of in-flight movies. Nanami repeats after you and you nod before smiling at him.

"And what about 'where is the toilet?'"

Your tapping stops momentarily. "Formally, or informally?" He deadpans at you and you chuckle in response. "Di manakah tandas?" His pen glides along his pocket notebook before he repeats after you once more. "Love, you know you'll be fine with just English right?"

He drops his pen and takes a sip of beer from the clear plastic cup before responding. "I know, but it's a sign of respect to make an attempt to learn the official language." A soft smile graces your face before you resume your scrolling. You really are the luckiest human on the planet to be able to call him yours.

It's mid-afternoon when you finally leave Kuatan Airport. Travel fatigue begins to set in on the taxi ride to the beach resort Nanami had booked. You loop your arm with his before settling you head on his shoulder. Instead of telling you that you should've slept on the plane like he would've done if it was anyone else, he simply graces your forehead with a kiss before returning his gaze to the map on his phone.

Checking into the resort is a smooth process. Nanami makes quick work of talking to the receptionist before the pair of you make your way to your room, the resort porter guiding you. Nanami had been inclined to refuse but the porter rejected his offer. The pair of you make light conversation with the resort porter as you walk, Nanami using his arsenal of Malay when he can.

When you arrive at your room, Nanami takes your bags from the porter as you unlock the door. He settles the bags inside as you shake the porter's hand in thanks, passing along a 5 ringgit bill. They thank you with a bow before taking their leave. Nanami shoots you a look of surprise when he notices the action. "I wasn't aware that there was a tipping culture in Malaysia."

"There isn't, not to the extent that westerner do anyway. It's really just porters and housekeeping." You shrug.

He scowls at your slightly. "Regardless, you should have informed me," he grumbles. You chuckle at him before patting his chest lightly, avoiding his sunglasses that hang from the v of his button up.

"Well, you'll have plenty of opportunities to leave a tip for housekeeping." You're staying here for two week after all.

As Nanami does a quick sweep of the room, you set up the wifi for your respective devices before making your way to the snack cabinet. You whoop when you find a packet of your favourite childhood snack. Nanami pokes his head out from the bathroom at the sound, only to raise a curious eyebrow when he finds you crouch on the floor, holding the packet as if it was your child. "What?" you exclaim, "I haven't seen these in years!" His arms shoot up in surrender before he returns to his checks, his lips curling into a smile at your antics.

When Nanami returns to the bedroom, he finds you asleep on the sofa, phone slipping from your grip. He removes it before it falls as he rubs at his eyes as the travel fatigue begins to hit him too. The long flight and layover hadn't done either of you any favours but he supposes that what he gets for choosing a city with a small airport.

He changes you out of your travel clothes before moving you to the bed. Once he stashes your valuables into the safe, he freshens himself up before crawling in beside you. You smell of an airport and the mist the flight attendants had sprayed in the cabin but he doesn't care as he nuzzles his nose into your neck.

This is peace, he thinks. No missions, no curses and no Gojou Satoru. Just the two of you and a (mostly) endless supply of sunshine. He likes the thought of that.

When he wakes from his nap, you’re no longer by his side. He panics for a moment before he turns and finds you sitting out on the wooden deck, admiring the ocean view as the sun begins to set. Raking a hand through his hair, he climbs out of bed and makes his way to you. You smile at him as he sits down before laying your head against his shoulder, his arm looping around your waist.

“Sorry I threw us off schedule,” you say after a while.

You feel his head shake against yours before he says, “as long as you're by my side, there's nothing to apologise for. We’re on holiday. Let’s enjoy the peace while it lasts.”

“Afraid Gojou’s going to appear out of thin air?” you tease. He groans at the mention of his senior's name.

"Don't mention that name again. You'll jinx us." This time, you can't help laugh against him. You peck his cheek in consolidation and he think maybe, just maybe, for once in his life, Gojou will keep his meddling fingers out of things that are none of his concern.

The next two weeks go by in a blur of delicious food, sandy toes and a ridiculous amount of sweat. If there was one thing you didn't miss about Malaysia, it was the humidity. But it never stopped Nanami from intertwining his fingers with yours or ghosting a kiss onto your temple. The pair of you had quickly settled into fragments of a routine since you had first arrived.

Every morning, Kento watches the sunrise from the cushioned seat on the wooden deck. The first time it happened was unintentional. His body had become habituated to waking up early for work. That, combined with the 1 hour time difference and the fact that the sun rose significantly later in Malaysia, meant that he had woken up well before the sky had shown any indication of light. You were still fast asleep, unmoving even as he slowly untangled himself from you. So as to not disturb you, he made himself a cup of tea and read from his Kindle on the wooden deck until the sun had began poking out of the horizon.

Then it just became his own little ritual. On occasions where you wake with him, the pair of you take a walk along the beach. The ocean waves kiss your bare feet to the beat of a song you do not know as you talk about your plans for the day. You stumble across a sea turtle laying her eggs one morning and the pair of you settle onto the sand, far enough away as to not spook her, but close enough to marvel at the rare sight.

Nanami pulls out his phone after a while to record a quick video and sends it to Yuuji. Not long after, Gojou attempts to facetime him and Nanami turns off his phone without hesitation. You chuckle at their antics before you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. Nanami declines all of Gojou calls for you and he gives up after 7 rejections. In hindsight, Nanami really should have seen that coming but he blames the cloud of holiday bliss that fogs his mind.

The rest of your days are spent enjoying the ocean breeze (or more often, the ocean heat), exploring the local attractions, immersing yourselves in the culture and best of all, devouring authentic Malaysian food. Nanami had made a list of the most recommended dining locations ranging from high end restaurants to road side food stalls and you make it your shared mission to visit every single one before you leave.

At each shop, he informs you of the best rated dishes but trusts your instincts/cravings for the most part. You point out any items that he 'has to try, at least once' and he asks questions about the items that pique his interest. More often than not, the pair of you will order a variety of dishes and share them, not able to settle on just one. Being the bread lover that he is, he takes a liking to roti canai. Although he isn't particularly unadventurous with his choices, always settling for a plain roti canai and opting for experimenting with curries instead. So, you take the plunge for him, knowing he'll likely be intrigued by the pointy hat shaped crepe that sits before you — he later learns that it's a roti tisu, or the stuffed roti that arrives. (He thanks you later.)

On your last night there, the pair of you make your way to the biggest pasar malam in the city. Nanami had a list of local fruits that he was hoping to buy while you had a list of souvenir ideas for the kids and your coworkers. You walk hand in hand, following the flow of footfall as your eyes scan the stalls. Nanami doesn't particularly know what he's looking for as he passes the snack stalls but he's enjoying himself all the same as he watches you converse with the stall keepers in a foreign tongue. He slips out of his daze when he feels a cold packet being pressed against his hand. "What's this?" He slips his wrist through the plastic loop and grips the tied-off section of the bag.

"Sugar cane!" you chirp, radiating an excited aura that rivalled Yuuji. Must be the atmosphere, he thinks. He takes a sip through the straw as you receive your change. Sweetness floods his taste buds but don’t overwhelm them. He savours the refreshing coolness it brings, contrasting the humidity. You look to him expectedly as you tug him further down the street. “Good?” you ask over the noise from the crowd.

“Acceptable.” There's a look of content tugging on his features that contradicts his tone and a soft smile tugs at your lips before you're promptly distracted by another stall.

When you finally arrive at the fruit stalls, you’re armed with a packet of cheap flag erasers for the students and an assortment of sugary snacks for the school staff room. The crowd had dwindled as you moved further towards the back of the market, allowing you a clear view of most of the stalls before you.

Nanami tugs on your intertwined hands before leading you towards a stall with mountains of rambutans and mangosteens. He nods politely at the elderly couple manning the store and accepts the plastic basket they hand him. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice the smile that tugs at his lips when they greet him in English. Undoubted pleased to be able to use his skills.

“I assume I should pick the ones that are not blackened and soft?” he says to you when the couple finish explaining the pricing. You nod in response as you begin carefully placing fruits into the basket. Nanami mimics your actions beside you before his attention is grabbed by the fruits to your right. “Is that what I believe it to be?”

You follow his gaze as he speaks. When they fall on spiky green fruits and packets of yellow, your eyes light up in delight. “Mhmm,” you hum before turning back to face him. There’s a sparkle of wonder in his eyes that makes you laugh before you turn to speak to the woman, “how much for a packet of durian?”

You look wistfully at the whole durians as the lady bags your items. As much as you would love to see Nanami use his 7:3 technique on the fruit (you can almost sense your ancestors rolling over in their graves at the thought), you know you won't be able to finish it off by yourselves. Besides, there is no guarantee that Nanami wouldn't hate it.

Rather uneventfully, Nanami does not hate durian on instinct — "the smell is uninviting, but the fruit itself is decent," he says as he helps himself to another. So, with the remnants of fruit juice clinging to your lips and the lingering smell of durian on your breath (despite your best efforts to get rid of both), the pair of you now walk along the beach's shoreline. Your pinkies are looped as you rejoice in the complete and utter sense of peace. There are no curses to be worrying about, no impromptu visit from a certain colleague. And for the first time in a long long time, Nanami feels like he can let his guard down. He feels like he doesn’t need to keep looking over his shoulder all the time. He doesn't feel the weight of the country's safety settling in his chest.

“We should come back some time,” he says as the waves lap at your feet gently.

You raise an eyebrow at him, “not sick of fending off mosquitoes and melting in the heat yet?” There’s a teasing glint in your eyes and he chuckles along with you.

He smiles at you then — genuinely, without fear of showing his emotions, shakes his head and kisses your temple gently. “Maybe we can visit your family next time. You can show me where you grew up, your favourite places, where you had your first date...” You smack him across his chest for his teasing while he chuckles at the action.

“Maybe one day.” He interlocks your hands then and ghosts a kiss over your knuckles before looping it over your shoulder to pull you into his chest. One day... when you’re both rid of this curse-riddled life.

[personasintro]

My Tiny Secret | 20; First Steps

𝑴𝒚 𝑻𝒊𝒏𝒚 𝑺𝒆𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒕 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆 | 20; First Steps 

⏤𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; Pretty face doesn’t make it up for an ugly personality. And Kim Seokjin is the perfect proof of that.

⏤𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈: seokjin x reader

⏤𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst, smut, fluff, mistress au, unexpected pregnancy au

⏤𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: strong language, mature content 

⏤> 𝒇𝒊𝒄 𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒙

The birds' chirping creates a calm melody, outstanding the sounds of kids laughing and crying that reach your ears. Even the blanket underneath your legs feels soft, softer than usual and you wonder if it's made from one of those expensive materials. Surprisingly, Seokjin was the one who packed everything and you left him to it.

It's nice to see him doing such a normal stuff, especially if it's related to you and your son.

“It seems busier than last week.” His voice resounds, your eyes snapping to him as his legs are spread out with arms holding him in a relaxed position. Those black locks that got longer are thrown back, making his forehead on full display along with his thick brows.

He looks so relaxed, wearing a white casual shirt with jean shorts, something you should've got used to by now, but you still find yourself occasionally stare at him.

You're not even sure how, but your Saturdays have been spent in a park nearby your apartment building for the last couple of weeks. You often went alone, making sure you're not stuck in your apartment all day, sometimes Hoseok tagged along with you as well. Surprisingly, Seokjin comes every Saturday without even making any official plans with you, knowing he's about to spend the whole day with you. Well, with Yoojin.

It became a silent routine.

“It does,” you hum, eyes trailed on Yoojin who crawls up to the tree you're sitting underneath. It creates a perfect shadow in this warm weather. “He's so active these days.” you say as you already panic when he starts to standing up, holding the tree with his small hands.

He can stand for a long time now, but he's too careful to hold onto something and not let go. Yoojin's puckered lips stretch into a huge smile, proudly showing himself to his parents as you clap in praise, not holding a smile back. He grew up so fast, you can't believe how many things have changed since he was born.

Seokjin comes to visit more often, he even sleeps on the couch sometimes since the guest room is slowly renovating to Yoojin's new bedroom. You both went shopping together and bought him a new crib, along with a few different decorations and furniture. The memory of the two of you walking with Yoojin in his stroller seems weird, but nice and comfortable. For the first time, it felt like you're a real family, spending some time together.

He's an intelligent man managing a successful company on his own, with no help whatsoever, however building a crib isn't his strong suit. Stubbornly, he insisted on being the one who makes Yoojin's bedroom for him. You've never seen him being so passionate about something, so you let him. Even if it took him a month, but you silently enjoyed every day he came after work struggling in that room, ending sleeping on the couch.

It feels nice to have him there. He's more open, casually talking with you about your day, but mainly has his focus on Yoojin.

You've met his friend – Kim Namjoon. As you've learned, he accidentally found out about his best friend having a child, thinking it's all gossip. But when he burst into Seokjin's office with a single question if he has a kid and his friend didn't deny it, he knew those gossips were true.

According to Seokjin's words, he bugged him about wanting to meet Yoojin for a whole week, until he had no choice but to say 'yes'. Before Namjoon came to your apartment, Seokjin made sure you're okay with the visit of his friend, the same thing he did when his father came to visit for the first time.

You didn't have any reason to say no, Yoojin is his son as well. A part of you wanted to meet his friend anyway, which happened to be a very polite and kind man. It made you shocked that he has such a nice friend, you were expecting someone similar to his personality. The visit was far more enjoyable than that time when Mr. Kim visited. You even saw Seokjin to crack a few smiles and chuckles, not the dark ones you're used to, but honest and happy ones.

“He's Kim,” he points out proudly, smiling at Yoojin who grins back at his father, still holding to the tree. “He has your smile.” he comments, your head snapping to him before you look at Yoojin.

“Really?” you cock your head to the side, trying to find your similarity in your son.

He's a mixture of you both, although he definitely takes after Seokjin's side more. You're not mad at it, his father is handsome, there's no lie in that.

“Yeah,” he hums, his phone vibrating inside of his pocket as he pulls it out.

You see his wife's name on the display, but he just locks the phone and ignores the call.

“You can speak to her, y'know...” you mumble, watching your son instead as he squats down to admire dandelions.

“I know,” he assures you lightly, “I don't want to.” he admits and you don't let a surprise to be known on your face.

The conversation dies there, both of you watching your son as a way to distract yourselves, that's until Seokjin opens his mouth again.

“I'll divorce her,” he informs you, his tone firm as his hardening features. “For Yoojin.” he adds, glancing at your son that touches the top of dandelion and giggles when it bounces.

“That's nice of you,” you tell him softly, heart warming at the progress he's made. “But, are you sure? Is that what you want?”

You don't mean to doubt his decision, nor you feel some kind of triumph that he wants to divorce his wife. It was never a competition for you and you feel sorry for the woman, whether she's a bad person or not. You're not the one to talk, nor is Seokjin. All of you made mistakes along the way that got you where you are right now.

“I thought about what my father said,” he confesses, your mind drifting to that time he told you what he and his father talked about. It took his some time to open up, but when he finally did, you couldn't be more proud of him. “I think he's right. Besides, I don't see any future with her.”

“If that's what you really want, I'm on your side.”

Seokjin catches the smile you give him, eyes glinting with honesty and his heart does a weird twist at seeing you like that. You're wearing a yellow sundress, youth and happiness radiating from you and he wonders what's the reason behind your happiness. Is he a part of it too? Is someone else behind it?

“Thank you,” he says, tone sounding almost unsure of what to say, and you giggle when you see the puzzled look. “I don't know how she will take it, knowing her she'll throw a fuss. She seems to be furious whenever I come back to the house. I think I'll leave the house to her, maybe she'll be less furious when I break the news to her.”

It seems like he's thinking out loud more to himself, than telling you all this stuff, but you appreciate it nevertheless. It's weird hearing him saying house instead of home.

“I can still pay for the rent, I've got my maternity leave every month,” you suggest, ignoring the raise of his brow. “I don't need your money, Seokjin.”

“Debatable.” he mutters, causing your brows to twitch in irritation.

“No, I don't need it. I'm thankful for everything you're doing for us, but I don't need your money.”

Sighing, he scratches his chin as he looks at you. “I'm sorry,” he apologizes, your mouth falling open but you stay quiet. “Let me do this for you. And Yoojin.”

“I am, but I don't want you to think I need your money. Yes, you make our lives easier but I'm not your wife. I thought you knew that.” Your voice fades away, but the disappointment in it stays as Seokjin groans underneath his breath.

“Shit, I know that,” he curses, voice thick with regret. “I'm not good with words. I've never done this before and I've never met someone who didn't try to fuck me over. It's hard for me to trust someone and you're the first person-- I'm sorry. I know you don't need my money, you made that clear from the day one.”

Nibbling on your bottom lip, you let it go before you give him a soft smile. Confusion is clear on his face, probably thinking you were about to curse at him but he's just met with your smile.

“What?”

“Hm, nothing,” you hum, causing him to roll his eyes in annoyance. Well, some things haven't changed. “I just.. thank you for being so open, I think. It makes me understand you better.” you tell him honestly, seeing him look away as he plays with the grass next to him.

Is he blushing?

When he looks back at you, his eyes trail somewhere behind you before his eyes widen. You follow his vision, eyes mimicking Seokjin's expression as you see your son standing, without holding himself. He giggles and stumbles, but still doesn't reach for the tree next to him.

“Oh my god, he's standing!” you chant, clapping like a crazy woman which makes your son giggle.

“Where's my phone?” you hear Seokjin mutter, before he's snapping a few pictures of your son.

“Come here, pumpkin. You can do it, come here!” you call to him, arms outstretching as you silently call him to your embrace.

He frowns, complementing on what to do but when you clap again and call for him, he smiles. He takes a step forward, and you push the squeal that wants to rip out of your throat away, not wanting to scare him as he slowly starts walking towards you. He's wobbling, his chubby legs barely holding his balance, but he doesn't fall this time. From the corner of your eyes, you see Seokjin pointing his phone to Yoojin, recording this moment with a huge smile plastered on his lips.

“Come to mommy!” you call for him, giggling when he's almost in your embrace, loosing his balance but you're quick to catch him, causing him to giggle. “Good job!” you praise him, kissing his cheeks as you hug him closer to you.

You've never felt so proud, like this very moment. Seokjin's eyes are filled with a rare emotion, something you've never seen on his face and you wish you could snap a picture of him right now. He reaches towards you, caressing Yoojin's back as he gives him a set of praise words.

“Go to daddy,” you tell him, making sure your son is standing as he stares at his father.

He moves away, crossing his legs as he outstretches his arms the same way you did. He's smiling, eyes glistening as he wonders if his son will walk into his arms like he did to you.

“Yoojin-ah, come on. Come here.” he calls out to him, your eyes watering when he starts taking a few steps to his father, grinning at him as Seokjin starts to scream in encouragement causing you to laugh.

You've never heard him being so loud, full of joy and you pull out your phone, taking a lot of pictures as he picks up your son, bouncing him in his arms as he starts kissing his face repeatedly. It makes your son erupt into a fit of laughter, his bubbly laugh outstanding from other children's ones while you're wiping your tears, too stubborn to look away, savoring this moment.

[9:23pm] hobi: wait... he looks... happy???

The message makes you giggle, covering your mouth with the blanket before your fingers work their way onto the screen. You've sent him the video of Yoojin walking, along with the pictures you managed to snap of Seokjin kissing him.

[9:24pm] he does, i've never seen him look so happy

[9:24pm] hobi: that's good, right? is he treating you okay?

He never fails to ask the same question every time the two of you talk, but you know he's just looking out for you. And besides, today was nothing but great.

[9:25pm] yeah, he's really trying hobi

He sends you a couple of emojis of confetti, clapping hands and fireworks which makes you snort. Your giggling is interrupted with a soft knock on your bedroom door. Knowing it's Seokjin, you call out a gentle 'come in' before he opens the door. His head is the first thing that appears, as he cutely looks around noticing Yoojin's crib where he's sleeping.

He was supposed to sleep in his new crib, but he somehow didn't want to let go of you, even though he fell asleep almost immediately.

“Can I come in?” he asks you, cautiously staring at you and catching a glimpse of your exposed legs.

Slowly, you sit up and nod in response. He tries to be quiet, making his way towards the crib to check on Yoojin before he sits next to you. The fresh scent of his shower gel that he brought one day to your home lingers on his skin, his hair slightly dampened after he took a shower. He's wearing a loose shirt and some sweatpants, to stay decent. You know he likes to sleep naked most of the time, or at least that's what you always thought after he fell asleep a few times in your bed – back in the time when you messed around. He always made sure to leave after you both had sex, but there were times when he had a couple of drinks and stayed the night. But you never felt the warmth of him the next morning, no sight of him.

“He fell asleep right away. I think we tired him out.” you whisper, pointing at your son's crib as he chuckles.

“He had an eventful day.” he comments, his voice gentle and quiet not to wake him up.

He's right. After you both packed your stuff and put it into the truck of Seokjin's car, you went to eat ice cream and walked around for a few minutes, before it was time to go back home. Seokjin took a bath with Yoojin, playing with him in the water and you left them there, and cooked dinner.

“Can't sleep?” you ask quietly, making out his features thanks to the moon and opened blinds.

“Yeah,” he mutters. “Can you? I heard you giggling.”

“Oh, it was just something Hobi sent me,” you wave your hand, silently watching him in the darkness.

Luckily, Hoseok visited you more often, even when Seokjin was present and even though the atmosphere is awkward most of the time, at least they don't want to rip each other heads anymore.

“Thank you for taking us out today, Yoojin was so happy.” You feel the need to tell him that.

He's not a kid who needs to get praised at every single good thing he does, yet you want to show him your gratitude. He's been involved in Yoojin's and your life more with each passing month. Maybe it's weird but you feel like a family. You raise him together, even though Seokjin officially doesn't live with you, but he's spending most of his time with you. This actually works nicely, way better than you've ever imagined.

And the littlest smile that ghosts his lips whenever you show him your gratitude doesn't go unnoticed, even though he tries to hide it. It's the same one that's hidden by the darkness in your bedroom.

“Were you?” he asks, head tilting towards you, although you can't see his eyes clearly.

“Huh?

“Happy,” he whispers, “Were you happy?”

You're taken back by his question. Does he really care about your happiness? You can't believe your own ears. You knew he's not such a bad guy as he makes himself out to be – hence all the gestures he's done for you, like sending you money and making sure you live in a nice place. There are a lot of things he's done, nice things that made you even more confused by him. But he's never been so straight forward. Until these recent days.

“Yes,” you answer him, “Were you happy?” you ask him back, watching his broad shoulders as he stays quiet for a moment.

“Yes.” he whispers, turning to you and you automatically smile at him, not even sure if he can properly see you.

“I'm glad, I don't think I've ever seen you happy.” you admit, wondering if you're pushing his buttons too much.

“I don't really show emotions but I don't think I've ever been happy. I kind of just... lived.”

The lamp that slowly creates in your throat makes you painfully swallow, your heart shivering of sadness from hearing those words. He says it lightly, although the meaning behind it is sad. You put your hand on his back, caressing his tensed muscles as you scoot closer to him. He's warm, inviting almost and you hate yourself for craving his touch.

“Are you happy now?” you hesitate to ask, but relax when he doesn't seem too tensed from your question.

Slowly, he turns around, your hand falling off his back as he stares at you. It's hard to see his eyes, but you know he's looking at you. He reaches towards your face, caressing your soft skin as his thumb swipes across your lips. Your breath hitches but you don't dare to look away or flinch, it feels too good to do that.

“I'd like to think that I am.” he answers.

It's something about the tone and the way he says it, making it sound painful yet smooth and joyful. He's a one big mystery you were always trying to solve, but if he's not the one opening himself to you, it's pointless. But you see it now. So many things have changed and you get to know a new side of him, each layer he has, almost every day.

You don't know who moves the first, maybe the both of you at the same time, as your lips crashes together in a soft and slow manner. It's been so long since you've felt those lips against your own, enjoying how perfect they feel. As expected, he takes over the kiss, leading you the entire time as you adjust to his pace. It should be embarrassing how quick he has you squirming in your spot and groaning into the kiss, whenever he pulls onto your bottom lip. He cups your face for the better measure, while the other one holds your neck and fuck, how amazing it feels.

Even when your back meets the softness of your mattress, and your neck Seokjin's lips, you know you're utterly fucked. He hovers over you, kissing every sensitive spot which makes you giddy over the fact, he still remembers what makes you moan and clench around nothing.

His thigh is settled between your legs, and when he lightly nibbles onto your weak spot with his teeth, you automatically grind against him. He shushes your moans with his mouth, leaving your mouths connected before has to pull away after a couple of seconds.

“Jin,” you plead, arms hooked around his neck as you pull him closer.

The chuckle that leaves his mouth is shushed, but very audible to your ears as he nudges your nose with his own. “What do you want?”

Of course, he knows what you want from him. He just likes you to say it, even beg for it.

“You,” you whisper, arms traveling down his broad shoulders making its way to his defined chest and abs. “I want you.”

“Is that so?” he hums, nudging your cheekbone with his nose this time. “Are you sure?” he asks when he receives a few set of nods in response.

Your hand trails down, cupping him through his sweatpants, surprised when it's the only clothing separating his length and your hand. What shocks you the most, is the obvious erection poking underneath the thin material and how just the feel of it makes you aroused.

“Naughty,” he comments, pushing away the groan that wants to escape past his lips, clenching his jaw when you stroke him. He sits back on his knees, motioning for you to sit up and you obey, letting him taking off your loose shirt.

Now that you think about it, it seems like it's one of Seokjin's shirts he forgot here. If he noticed such a little detail, he doesn't comment it and softly lays you back down. You bite onto your lips, feeling his palm against your breast, groping the soft flesh.

“So big,” he hums, noticing how bigger they seem and feel ever since you got pregnant. Surprisingly, he leans against your chest, sucking on your nipple as he licks it a few times.

Your palm slaps against your mouth, silencing all those moans and soft groans. He does the same thing to the other breast, coating it with his saliva as he trails down onto your stomach, kissing and licking your skin.

You haven't thought about having sex for a long time, there was never a proper time to think about such thing. You've spent all your time taking care of Yoojin, that the thought of another man and your intimate life was the least of your worries. There were times your hormones would act up, and you craved for someone else's touch. Your mind often drifted to the man that's enveloping your body with his mouth, no matter how many times you've reminded yourself that he's not right for you.

You were so busy trying to be the best mother you could be, that you never really thought about having sex after nine months you gave birth. You got in shape, although your body is not what it used to be. Your breasts got bigger and you still got some fat on your stomach and thighs. And for this very time, you're lucky there's a darkness in the room and Seokjin can't tell all the stretchmarks that failed to disappear.

His hand disappears between your thighs, chuckling when he notes you've no underwear. “Naughty girl.” he chuckles, circling your opening teasingly as you bite onto your lower lip.

It hurts, but you've to keep your mouth shut if you don't want to wake up your son.

“Can you...” he trails off, your mind clouded with lust before you realize what he's asking.

“Yeah.” you answer, giving him the green light as he slowly pushes a one finger inside of you.

It feels weird, almost as if it's the first time you ever experienced this particular touch. Although, it doesn't take you too long to get used to it, hips bucking into his hand as you plead him for more. Surprisingly, he doesn't insist on begging, listening to you as he watches your body squirm in pleasure. He pumps his fingers inside and out, grazing your walls before he scissors them, penetrating you.

“Fuck, you got so tight.” he groans, pumping his fingers before he kisses you.

He barely used to do that. He barely kissed you during sex, and if he did, it was always harsh and rushed. This seems to be slow, but intense at the same time.

You've heard so much stuff of women getting even tighter after they gave birth. You weren't sure if that's true but if Seokjin can tell a difference and he's telling the truth, you guess all those articles were right. Woman's body is something amazing. It goes to its original state even after bringing a human into the world.

He adds another, silently shushing you when you whimper.

“I know, gotta stretch you out,” he whispers, pushing onto your clit with his thumb while his fingers continue to fill you up. “Have you had sex after you gave birth?”

There's a possibility he feels unsure, but he doesn't stop and continues with his movements as if he's not asking you such an intimate question.

Would he be angry if you said yes?

Would he become possessive all over again?

“No,” you whisper, clutching the sheets between your fingers. “You're my first.” you tell him, and you wish you could see his reaction more clearly. This way it seems he barely reacted, although he goes down to bite onto your collarbone which leaves you gasping.

You clutch his shoulders, frowning when he's still fully clothed. “And you?”

“You mean, if I had sex after giving birth?” he snorts, causing you to roll your eyes at him before you groan both in annoyance and pleasure.

“You know what I mean.”

“Then the answer is no,” he tells you, mouth pressed against your ear, so you can hear him clearly. “I haven't had sex with anyone else.”

“That's hard to believe.” you choke out, when he adds his fourth fingers making you breathe through it with a scrunched face.

He gives you the time to adjust, halting his movements. “I didn't. Believe it or not, I've found it hard to find someone else. Not that I was really looking for someone.”

It's the honesty that makes you pause, your heart hammering even faster and you wonder if he can feel it too with his chest pressed against your own. Before you can question him, your curiosity getting the best of you, he's already pumping his fingers again. Deciding you want to feel him, you hook your fingers underneath the hem of his sweatpants, hand disappearing into them as you finally grab him. He groans, surprised by your bolt move, as you slowly pump him.

You were right. He's not wearing any underwear, making it easier for you to access him. He feels just as thick as you remember him, the weight in your palm causing you to clench around his fingers.

“I need you.” you whisper, clearly enough for him to hear because you see him pulling away, staring at you.

“Don't you wanna cum? It'll be easier for me to--”

“I'm sure,” you interrupt him, pulling your hand out of his sweatpants. “Take your clothes off.” you tell him softly, surprised when he actually listens to you without any side remarks.

The loud thud of his clothes makes you both freeze, waiting for Yoojin to wake up but you barely hear the soft puffs leaving from the crib, before he goes back to you. You sit up, pushing him to lay down as he stares at you in confusion. There's not much place or time to actually speak, you're both aware you have to be quiet. Maybe you should just move it to the living room, but there's something thrilling about having sex knowing you've to keep your mouth shut.

“I wanna ride you.” you whisper, already sitting down onto his abdomen, his hardened length poking you into your ass.

“Holy fuck.” he grunts, hands gripping your hips before you lift yourself up, enough to grab his length and make yourself more comfortable.

His head pokes your entrance, your walls clenching just from the thought of feeling him stretching you, as you slide him up and down. Your other hand is outstretched onto his defined abs, feeling how tense they're. You know you're teasing him, but he doesn't say anything and simply lets you take the lead.

Maybe it's the understatement, knowing you're about to have sex for the first time since Yoojin was born. Or maybe he just got a lot more understanding, appreciating current situation. You'd never have thought it'd come to this again, even though your dreams have been wild these couple of months.

Slowly and cautiously, you slide down onto him, your mouth opening at the sudden stretch and burn that his fingers couldn't do. This way, he reaches you even deeper and he's not even halfway in. He's groaning, doing an awful job to contain the pleasure, while you whimper with each inch that you take him.

This has to be difficult for him too. If he's really telling the truth, which you believe him, he haven't had sex for a long time.

Oh, if you just knew he's minutes from spilling himself like some teenager.

Maybe it's just that exact reason, him not having sex for a long time. Or it's you and the way you feel around his length, making him throb inside of you as he twitches when you finally take all of him. A few seconds of adjusting yourself to his huge length, and you're already bouncing on him. Your arms failing you, your body falling onto Seokjin's chest as he holds your body even closer, meeting your thrusts with his hips. He's fucking into you, taking the control even though you're the one on top. He envelopes you in his arms, making you feel closer to him than ever.

You can't describe it, but this time it's different. It's not just sex full of lust and pleasure, there's something else there. You know you don't love each other, but there is a certain kind of chemistry going between you two. Instead of fucking you so hard trying to chase his own pleasure, his movements are quick but still soft. It might sound stupid or ridiculous, but it feels lot more closer. Like there's an actual connection between you two, and it's not just from the fact he's inside of you.

“Fuck, Jin, I can't--” you whimper into his neck, silencing your moans as he starts to fasten up.

“Come on, cum for me. Let me feel you.” he grunts into your hair, digging his fingers into your back and hips as he urges you to cum.

With a few more thrusts, you're cumming around him as your whole body shakes, but he's there to hold you through it.

”Shhh, you did so great. You were amazing.” he shushes you, his length twitching inside of you, reminding you of its presence and need.

You slide off him, settling yourself between his legs before you take him into your mouth, hand gripping the rest that you can't take. Bobbing your head and stroking him with your hand, you feel his fingers grabbing your hair. Swiping your tongue and repeating the same process couple of times, causes him to let out a low growl as he's spilling himself into your mouth. He twitches in your mouth, emptying himself and when he's done, he sighs.

You let him go with a pop sound, swallowing all of his cum as you sit down onto your knees, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand.

“That was... fucking amazing.” he breathes out, his rigid breathing filling the bedroom.

The sex itself wasn't the longest you both had, but it was intense and probably the best one. Something's telling you he thinks the same thing as he seems to be far more affected than ever.

“Yeah,” you chuckle, agreeing with him as you stand up.

“Where are you going?” he asks immediately, already leaning against his elbows as he watches you in the darkness.

“To take a shower,” you answer, stating the obvious while a surprised 'oh' leaves his mouth. “Can you please watch Yoojin?”

He coughs, nodding his head remembering that you can't probably see him that well. “Sure.”

You go take a shower, smiling giddily for the whole time the water splashes onto your body, ignoring the little jumps your heart does every time you replay what has just happened. When you're done, Seokjin takes his turn to take a shower while you can't fall asleep. Staring at the ceiling, you're surprised when the bedroom door are pushed open. You don't move, nor close your eyes as you feel him getting into your bed. You don't comment it, nor does he. You're not even sure if he knows you're still awake and you wonder what's been going on in his head again.

What made him to come here and sleep next to you?

Nevertheless of your raging thoughts, you find yourself relaxing when you feel a warm body next to you. Small part of you wishes he'd pull you closer, letting you feel his warmth properly.

But even without that, you manage to fall asleep in a minute, enjoying his proximity and warmth while it lasts. And for the first time, you wake up next to him peacefully dreaming and sleeping in your bed.

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon and ah, its just me than. Links on tumblr break half the time for me sorry bout that!

1: Mostly how it looks in the actual episode but with some changes. Its gaint, even has multiple floors, most rooms have a glass dome roof with iron railings (3-4) lining the bottom of the glass. The hallway typically have windows leading up to the roof, but the roof and both floor are a mix of materials like iron, copper, wood, and even gold. The most complex room is the Council room, which has a a higher roof than the rest, with mostly wood railings that go all the way up and lead to a circle at the top. The Council is the group that leads Mizu, they have 1 leader of every Idol to represent the different opinions of the citizens, with 1 special member that doesnt belong to any Idol, and is instead used to represent the opinions of people who either haven't chosen a idol yet, got kicked out of a idol following, and just to give a unbiased opinion most of the time. They do make most decisions, mostly those relating to topics like construction, farming, money distribution, where people can live, etc. And they also mostly agree on most subjects and don't agure, but they do have massive disagreements on topics and problems like Representation in other Cities/Kingdoms, trading, visitors and immigrants, and sometimes supply missions. 

3: Situations like taking care of his siblings (I have decided Benjamin shall have siblings) and friends, and he was also put under extreme stress as a kid in school and family life, but unlike Ranbob, he managed to successfully communicate his struggle and find coping mechanisms. Also when he went off to live by himself for a bit, he was under sudden extreme situations where he had to make split second decision. So he just learned from everything thats happened to him over time. 

8: Levi exists purely to make Watson and others go insane. People claimed it was made up because they claimed most events as unrealistic (like Doomsday, Techno escaping a death trial, Pandoras Vault (they believed it impossible for something to be inescapable)). Plus the fact it seemed cruel such young people where faced with such trauma that no sane person would let it happen, and the fact most historical important items couldn't be found, people claiming that they where made up (also cause if the land was that exposed to such devastation, it would've collapsed on itself). No to both of those, by this point their to far away from Dream for him to have a direct meaningful affect on the group, and while the residents of Kelalen know it was Dreams sword, the group does not know. Nope! Mizu came about years after Kelalen was forgotten about and shamed. And Mizu was only made because of the growing number of believers in the SMP history was causing disruptions in both the political sense and educational sense, so it was made to separate the "outcasts". Though Mizu eventually grew as big as most cities, and greatly civilized and advanced, though they where still often "forgotten" about and basically seperate from the Kingdom that set them up and became their own place (though not officially). 

They do have a friendship! Its not super close but their definitely friends. Ranbob is definitely a worrier, he heard that two of his friends almost died he immediately goes to them and fuses over them. And when their recovering he doesnt leave their side, infact Benjamin has to drag him away from the two just to get him to eat. And he refuses to sleep unless he's like directly on top of them. Yeah, Cletus challenges Grievous to a parkour challenge over a Delta Basalt, and he happily accepts. They end up giving everyone a heart attack after Cletus slips and almost falls onto a magma block. Jackie plays in soul sand and dumps a handful down Rans shirt, Watson teaches Charles and Isaac how to make gold from gold nuggets and more Piglin culture. When Cletus is cleared to be ok and Jackie stops getting soul sand in areas he didn't even know existed. They all sit in a circle and decide what they should try first, with Ran and Watson watching carefully and preventing them from drinking anything that they recognized as harmful. But other than that they just let the others do whatever. 

10: Because he couldn't use it, when Dream was a full human he used to be able to access his powers at his own will. But after his spirit got linked to his mask his power greatly reduced. To the point he relies on others for his powers, more specifically, he needs them to be exposed to him for a certain amount of time (like 2 weeks) until he can use their own essence/spirit to help his powers. When the group of people came after Ranbob left, they stayed for a long time, especially after they took the mask with them. Dream got the power back. Cause it is a "I worked to hard to give this up." Type situation. Ranbob was his first victim and the first person he had control over in decades, he considers Ranbob the puppet he was meant to have and refuses to let him go. Everyone is the nat to him, but specifically Ran. Cause Ran was the only person who survived the murders, so Dream sees him as a kill that was taken from him that he needs to fix. Everyone else to him is nothing more than an annoyance, and he's more than happy to use them as nothing more than a stepping stone to kill once he's done with them. 

13: Ran is stronger than everyone else, Jackie is faster than everyone else, and Watson is more acrobatic than everyone else. Sorry can you reword "Is Jackie considered stronger than them aside from shared tactics, or is it the other way around?"? I dont completely understand sorry. Kind of, I'll say. There can only be 3 ranking members, but it can also be 2 Corporals and 1 Sergeant. 

14: They where caught off guard, but also knew something must be going on due to the fishermen staying closer to Ranbob than normal. He never got too far, as he isnt very fast and Charles and both Isaac tend to be fast enough to get him. If the episode is really bad bringing him back can lead into physical fights but it rarely gets into that, as it seems like Ranbob really doesn't want to fight them most of the time, and holds himself back.

Well, I hope it’s working for you now, cause that sounds less than ideal, honestly.

1: Well, Mizu sounds gorgeous, quite frankly. As for the council having a member of no idol, what about that? People can get kicked out from an idol group? Why? Do some just never choose an idol? Also, how’s the housing situation there? Are there like, apartments on one of the floors, or something? Why does the council not really agree on outside affairs?

3: Not gonna lie, I’m rather curious. What kind of life did Benjamin lead to be under such heavy stress? Does he relate to Ranbob because of this? And what was he doing when he lived on his own to need to make fast-paced decisions? Also, siblings! What’re his siblings like?

8: He sounds like it.

And hm. There are several things I’ve taken from this. 

Do totems no longer exist, if they don’t believe Techno could have survived, or did that particular piece of the story just get left out over time?

Has Pandora’s vault fallen? And why would people find it unbelievable? If it’s the future, shouldn’t they have even more advanced technology than that? Or is it simply the lack of evidence that leads them to disagreeing about it’s existence? 

They don’t believe people would have been so cruel to the younger ones? Oof, um. Well, at least that says something about the future, I guess. 

Mizu sounds like it has an interesting history in it’s self. How do Ran and Ranbob feel about being in a world that basically shunned the people of what would eventually become their home? Do they ever have issues when people find out they originate from Mizu, or worship an idol? From how you put it, it seems like that wasn’t really looked upon well, since they shunted the people who did it to Mizu.

Friendships for the win! Maybe not close, but it sounds like an interesting dynamic. Charles honestly seems pretty mild, and as you said, shy, so putting him with Mr.Random And Chaotic certainly sounds like something. How did these two become friends?

And honestly, it sounds like everyone had a lot of unique experiences in the Nether. It also sounds like Ran and Ranbob were probably an inch from a heart-attack the entire time, considering the shenanigans ongoing. It sounds kind of cute that Ranbob was only sleeping when he was close to them though, and it gives me the image of a giant fluffy cat, so win-win there.

10: Interesting. Was Ranbob not enough to fully return that power to him when the Fishermen first came and took him? Or did Dream just not think they’d get that far and not react in time, when he still had that power from his puppet?

And, uh, wow. Dream was certainly off his rocker before, but that’s definitely cemented now. Is anyone aware he thinks of Ranbob in such a way? Does Ranbob know? How are everyone’s feelings on that-besides y’know, ‘gonna murder Mr.Mask Man’. How does everyone feel about being considered as ‘nats’?

13: Huh. And yeah, I confused myself rereading that. Basically, is Jackie considered stronger than those two? You said they were mostly on par, because of the shared tactics, so when it comes to cutting those shared tactics out of the picture, does Jackie come out on top?

14: So the gang could tell? If I may ask, what were the tells that gave Ranbob away?

[nervousmendes]

Canada - Shawn Mendes

Word Count: 2.4k words (fluff)

Warnings: No warnings, just extreme fluff and emotions

A/N: Writer AU based on the song Canada by Lauv ft Alessia Cara. She loves her life in LA but a new opportunity opens her eyes to a new beginning so she needs to figure out what she wants and get Shawn on board with it.

Anyone living in Hollywood knew that LA in the middle of March is not the best time to forget to pull the blinds before going to bed. Scolding herself, she turned around in an attempt to keep the sunlight away from her eyes, feeling Shawn's breath fan her face when she turned towards him. She opened her eyes and she couldn't help but smile with admiration for the man who was asleep with her in his arms. Her hand absent-mindedly went to the soft, brown curls that covered his closed eyes. She brushed them behind and grabbed a few locks in her hand gently, making him let out a sleepy groan. She crooked her neck slightly upward to softly brush her lips against his and when an involuntary hum came from his mouth she had to laugh at how much he enjoyed it even though he was fast asleep. 

Waking up in his arms with the sun lighting up their skin was something that she wasn't blessed enough to enjoy often. And she couldn't really do much but simply blame the fact that they both loved their professional lives, and wouldn't give up any part of finally getting to live their dreams for the sake of their relationship. Of course she hated the distance, and so did he. There were nights when they would miserably miss each other, and while of course they had the little technology they knew to see each other's faces and blow kisses via FaceTime, they wouldn't get the feverish touch of each other's skin that they craved, the endless kisses or the warmth of being in each other's presence that they both yearned for after a long, tiring day. Their only solution to balancing everything out was to make the best of the time they got with each other every now and then, and so, he got used to flying back on days off and she came to terms with taking surprise flights to go give her boyfriend a good luck kiss before he jammed out on stage whenever her job kept her free. Not to forget that it didn't really always pan out well with the mess of the schedules that they both worked on but nevertheless, they never stopped giving their relationship their all because no matter how hard it got sometimes, love is a magical thing that always overpowered everything else, so somehow it would all just work out in the end.

She sighed in content as she snuggled closer to Shawn, her hair softly tickling his chin. She looked up at him once again, and kissed him this time not giving a care for whether he was awake or not. The feeling of her lips on his woke him up, and she cringed at herself when he stirred, eyes fluttering open.

"Someone seems a little too impatient this morning, eh?" She smiled on hearing his morning raspy voice and pushed away the thought of not having it the next day. His eyes were half closed and his curls were a mess but she still didn't miss the twinkle in his eyes when he smiled down at her. It was now his turn to peck her lips, and as they met his mouth, he pulled her closer and swiftly lifted her off the bed and had her sit right on his stomach, hands splayed across his chest. 

"Says you, who couldn't wait till I was done with my phone call last night." Her cheeks heated up and he had a smug smile on his face as they both reminisced their shenanigans from the previous night, the way his fingers worked their way under her lacy underwear while she was engrossed in discussing something work related with her colleague.

The thought of work (and sex, but she can think about that later) reminded her of the email she received three days ago, the morning Shawn had returned from tour. It was about a job offer in Toronto to be an editor for a well established magazine. He knew she had applied for the position, in fact he was the one who pushed her to when she kept complaining about how it would be impossible to actually get it. She did want to talk to him about the offer, but only after she knew for sure whether she was ready for a big change or not. And after a lot of thinking she figured that the opportunity would open so many new doors for her to grow and establish herself. She loved her work in LA but she had to admit that it was monotonous and there was nothing new for her to learn from drafting those articles anymore. With the new job she could also be closer to her family, and at the end of the day Toronto is where Shawn's home is too, not that it was really a deciding factor but she still considered it. She never thought she'd be one to make career decisions based on her relationship. She grew up with the idea of being an independent, self sufficient and confident woman who stood on her own two feet with her head held high. But love came in the way, consumed her. He consumed her, gave her his all, and literally breathed for her. And it would only be a big, fat, shameful lie if she said that it wasn't the same for her with him.

So now here she was, sitting on his pretty tummy with her mind lost in thought, trying to find the right moment to bring up that goddamn email with the most luring offer she'd ever gotten since the beginning of her career. She didn't want to upset him by saying she wanted to move, but she needed to talk about it. She knew in her heart that the job fit her needs and her dreams. She knew it was the right place to go to, and no matter how convenient living in LA made her relationship with Shawn, it was high time she gave herself the opportunity to grow. And who was she kidding, she wouldn't ever find anyone more supportive than him no matter how hard she tried, so yes, she knew it would practically take nothing for Shawn to support her with this decision, but the fact that she'd have to do it by that night before he we went back on the road did give her a good amount of stress.

"Baby, is everything okay? You haven't registered a single word I said." 

His fingers resting on her waist drew small soothing circles on her skin as he pulled her closer to him, craning his neck up to meet her halfway and leave comforting kisses, the first to her lips and the second on the tip of her nose. She gave him a small smile that anyone would gladly accept, but Shawn being Shawn knew it was half-assed and could see the worry roaming behind her beautiful eyes. 

"So is this the part where you tell me what's wrong or do I have to ask again?"

There was no avoiding it anymore, she had to talk about it. She slid off his frame and sat down, pulling her legs close to her chest. The sudden change in her demeanor caused Shawn to straighten up against the headboard and face her. She saw the lines his concern drew on his forehead and before even she could reach her hand out to smoothen them his big paws engulfed her tiny, warm ones, fingers carefully lacing into hers. 

"Now spill, I'm listening." His reassuring smile that came after was enough to get the conversation started.

"Okay." She dragged, not knowing where to begin. His patient eyes didn't leave hers for even just a second as she reminded him of the application she made the first time and then told him about the offer, the position, the work she'd be doing and how it seemed a lot more interesting when compared to what she was doing at the moment. Shawn was always a good listener, and just like every other time, he paid attention to every detail and didn't cut her off a single time so that she could fully pour out how she felt about everything. She told him the whole story and finally let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in for that long.

"So yeah, that's what's up. I love the offer but I'm scared about moving and I don't know if it's the right thing to do."

"Okay first of all, I'm so proud of you, love. I can't ever say this enough but I am literally" a kiss to her lips, "sooo proud of you. I knew you'd get it, you are the most talented writer I know, and I mean that with my entire being." It was funny how even after more than a year of being with him she still giggled and blushed at his compliments like a kid in high school. 

"What does your heart say?" 

"My heart says I should take the leap and try something new. This is probably what I've always wanted in terms of my career. But I think-"

"No 'buts' baby. If this is what you want, you should go for it. What's stopping you?" 

"This. Us. Me being in LA makes it so easy for us, we always get to see each other a lot more because at the end of the day this is where we both work. And yes we're both Canadian but let's face it, how often do we actually visit home?" The crack in her voice at the end gave her away and her glossy eyes fell to their intertwined hands, tears threatening to spill out.

"Hey, look at me. Look right at me." He now had his hands pressed against her cheeks and he lifted her face up so she could meet his gaze.

"We can make this work no matter where you go. You could be in fucking space and I will still love you just as much as I do right now. I love you so much, but you will never hold yourself back for the sake of our distance. Not under my watch. Okay?" And that was all it took for the tears to tumble down her face, except for that they ended up being happy ones.

"I love you so much, Shawn."

"And I love you more."

Her hands went to either side of his neck and he pulled her closer as her soft, pink lips connected with his. He pushed his tongue against hers and kissed her back with everything he had. His neck tilted sideways to give her a better angle, their mouths doing a patterned choreography that they knew all too well. He ended it with one wet kiss square on her lips, the smooching sound making her giggle loudly. They stayed that way, foreheads touching each other's, her hands, one around his neck and the other grabbing his hair, and his arms wrapped around her tiny frame pressed against his chest. This was all they ever wanted, young and in love, staying in bed an hour after they woke up, silly kisses and even sillier I love you's. It was perfect. 

"So there's something I've been keeping secret for a while because I wanted to wait till the end of tour. But right now feels like the perfect moment to tell you. Also the fact that I don't think I can keep it in anymore, but that's secondary." 

"Go on." She nodded, sitting back down while smiling at him.

"I did a lot of thinking and I realised that the end of four albums and four tours is a good time to take a much needed break and live a little normal life." He made air quotes on 'normal'. "And it would also make more time for me to spend with you. We deserve to have a normal relationship too, you know?"

"Shawn I'm so glad you realise you need a break."

"Wait I'm not done yet, here's the best part. The condo in Toronto is dull and empty, so... I'm coming with you to Toronto. I'll be there as soon as I'm done with tour " He smiled at her.

"Shawn, you don't have to! You have so much going on for you over here."

"No, I want to. I'll stay for however long, record the next album over there whenever I feel like it, but I'm going to be right there. I'll be there after a long day of work to give you back rubs, I'll be there to cook you some pasta, give you endless cuddles, keep you up on a weeknight for.. you know what." He had to add a little wink in there. "Point is, I love you and I love my job but I need a break from it to love you and myself a little more. And there is nothing in the world that I want more than that right now. So yes, I'm coming with you to Toronto."

She was at a loss for words. She didn't know what to say. The wide smile pasted on her lips and the tears in her eyes told Shawn more than her words could ever. Not knowing how to react, she plunged into his arms with a shriek and he let out a loud laugh as his back hit the mattress, her body going down with his.

"This is really happening." She breathed out, feeling his lips press a kiss to the crown of her head. His fingers stroked her hair and their smiles didn't seem to fade for what felt like hours. She could already imagine going to see her parents or his on weekends, build forts for movie night, reconnect with their old friends and relatives, get to take Karen's dog on walks, house parties, everything. Just the mere picture of their life in Toronto was enough to fill her with a buzz of endorphins. It felt so right. It suddenly felt like her life was pieced back together. She was going to live the life of her dreams, this time with the man of her dreams. It felt perfect.

"So.. Canada, huh?"

"Canada it is." 

┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

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This is only my third fanfic and I'm still learning, so I hope you liked it. You can take a look at my masterlist for my other works right here. If you have any feedback or tips please feel free to tell me, it would be very much appreciated as I'm still new to this x

-sah

[kamosweasley]

Won’t you pull me through ? (Fred and George Weasley)

Description : Amber meet her friend Emily to take a tea and they talk about the war and the twins. It’s inspired by the song Trouble by Cage The Elephant.

Word count : 2.2K

Warning : angst, mention of death, torture, scars, death and mental illness.

Lyrics from Trouble by Cage The Elephant are in italics.

Tag list : @memekingofwwiii​ 

After knocking at the door, Emily entered with her brighter smile. It's been a while since she's had the opportunity to see her friend, the last few months have been a mess in the wizarding world with the death of Voldemort and the end of the war. She's doing her best but she's still overwhelmed, although the smile of Amber makes it all go away within a second. 

-Hey love. 

-Emily ! It's been a long time since the last time I saw you around ! How are you ?

-Pretty good, things are exhausting lately but we have to deal with it. We're in the middle of reconstruction, it's normal that things are moving fast. 

-This is a good thing, this terrible year is finally behind us. Do you know how well the reconstruction is progressing at Hogwarts? 

-McGonagall supervises, so it's efficient and almost done. She must be a great principal, she is what the students need after the trauma of war.

-I don't even want to imagine the condition that some people must be in, a whole year being tortured by sadistic deatheaters when they were only children …

The two friends sat down at a table to drink the tea Amber had prepared in advance. There is a silence following Amber's sentence, Emily looking at her with a hint of concern. Rare are the people who have not suffered from war and who do not continue to suffer from it today. Some have experienced more painful things than others, such as Amber who was imprisoned and tortured during the war at the Malfoy mansion. It was in the last month before the Battle of Hogwarts, she was able to escape thanks to Dobby, with Luna and Ollivander. Emily hadn't been able to see her before the Battle of Hogwarts a month later, she didn't seem to have experienced all the horrors she told her afterwards. On the battlefield she looked like a warrior determined to win, even at the risk of her life. She was unstoppable, and she survived. They both survived, not everyone was so lucky.

-Now all these assholes are either in jail or dead. My only regret is not being able to get revenge on Bellatrix before Molly killed her. That bitch left awful scars on me, and since they were made with black magic it can't be removed.

-You talk about it like it's nothing, so you feel better ?

-It was hard at first, the first few weeks after the battle I felt like I didn't recognize myself. When I looked in the mirror, I saw a stranger. But it's been getting better for a while, I feel good.

-I’m glad to hear it. You know that everyone is worried about you, you haven't had an easy time of it.

-There are some who have been through worse, I keep breathing and I have resumed a normal life. I think I’m doing well. Doesn't it look like it ? 

-You seem peaceful … After what happened 

-Can we talk about something else ? This war has already hurt us enough, don’t you think so ?

-Obviously.

A little annoyed, Amber finished her cup of tea, her hands slightly shaking. Nothing impressive, but Emily notices it, which awakens the worry inside her. She doesn't know what to do, maybe she should apologize for bringing it up. Obviously the blonde didn't want to talk too long about it. With a fleeting look in her eyes, Amber tucks a strand of her long hair behind her ear. The room suddenly seems to her empty and hostile, she loves Emily but talking about the war remains something that makes her uncomfortable. She much prefers to talk about the future and all the joyful things that await them. This is what helps her get better, telling herself tomorrow will be better and she always has the people she loves with her. She will be able to live that future with them. A smile appears on her face, speaking of joy she immediately thinks of them. Her two rays of sunshine.

-I have received the new catalog from George and Fred's store. Have you seen it ? It's still so colorful, it's good to see all these colors in this sad world. Wait, I'll show it to you, I think I put it over there.

The blonde leaves the table to rummage through the drawers of her dresser as Emily looks at her. We had talked to her about it but she wasn't expecting it, how is it possible ? 

-Oh Amber …

-What ? You already saw it ? You can tell me, I'm just trying to talk about my best friends. Maybe you went to the store not long ago, it's still fantastic isn’t it ? This place exudes a good mood, if I could I would spend all of my days there. 

-Did you go back ?

-Of course ! George and Fred wouldn't talk to me anymore if I wasn't their best customer. I love them so much, I'm glad the war doesn't change them. They are still funny and malicious, they always have been. You know, I think people don't realize how wonderful they are.

-I have never laughed so much as with them, they have always been very funny.

-You see ? That's what I said. I grew up with them, we did so many silly things together but we had so much fun ! 

-I know, you had few problems because of them. They always took you in their pranks, you were driving the professors crazy. They found you calm and studious, they didn't understand why you were doing this. 

-Do you know this song ? It says “trouble on my left, trouble on my right, I’ve been facing trouble almost all my life.” That’s on growing with George and Fred. You learn to like problems and to be clever enough to make it good. 

-I can imagine. Which song is it ?

-Trouble by Cage The Elephant. You should listen to it one day, it’s really great. It reminds me of my friendship with George and Fred. 

-Because they always put you in trouble ?

-Not only that, and to be honest I’ve always loved it. These are the best moments of my life, the three of us always had fun as kids. It's not really the same anymore … 

The silence remains, for a moment you can see a shadow on Amber's face, revealing suffering. The mask falls, she has not moved on as she claims, she is still haunted by what happened. We can not say that she is an exceptional case, it was war, but Amber is a special case. 

-I miss them, they don’t come often but they’re busy with their shop. Business is running for them, they deserve it. They work so hard for their shop.

-Amber, you know very well that their store has not reopened.

-What the hell are you talking about ? Of course it reopened ! I went there, I helped them put everything back in place. 

-It's not possible Amber. The store is still closed, and there is no new catalog.

-But I was there! I know it better than you do, I didn't imagine it ! Were you there to help them with the store ? I don't remember seeing you there, so how can you say it's impossible ? You didn't go back to Diagon Alley ? How can you say the store is closed ? It is not closed !

-Amber …

-IT’S NOT CLOSED ! Damn it, where is this damn catalog !

Now she’s crying, all her body is shaking. Her hands are clenched to the chest of drawers, the white knuckles, she’s so tense. It seems as if the slightest word or gesture could make her explode. Unsure of what to do, Emily gets up and starts walking towards her friend. She wants to comfort her, to tell her that everything will be okay, but that would be lying. It’s been a while now and it's not going to get any better visibly. Yet seeing her like this tears her heart out, she wishes there was something she could do to make her feel better. 

-I’m sorry Amber.

-Don’t … Don’t say this, you have nothing to be sorry about.

-We both know isn’t true.

-Why did you come ? I thought you wanted to talk like in the good old days, not that you wanted to bring up all the pain. The war has taken something from all of us, it's time to stop it and take it back.

-Unfortunately it doesn't work like that, we can't take back what it took from us. The dead cannot be brought back to life.

-No one should have died.

They can only agree on this point, this war should not have taken place and it should not have taken so many lives. Emily is standing in the middle of the room, Amber still in front of the dresser but she is almost shaking. The tears are already drying on her cheeks but she doesn't seem to care, she keeps scratching the inside of her right hand with her index. Worries fill Emily's thoughts, she feels like she's screwed up all over the place. She was hoping that she could make things better, make Amber feel better, but she's not worried that she's robbed her even more.

-Please leave, I need some quiet.

The blonde takes a cassette from one of the drawers of the chest of drawers, with red eyes she inserts it into a cassette player. The music begins as she leaves the room with a heavy heart. How did her friend get there ? After closing the door, Emily lets out a sigh. Things are worse than she expected, Amber is still in denial. The real version of the story is much sadder than Amber's version. She really escaped the Malfoy mansion in April after being tortured, she wasn’t that good but it’s the Battle of Hogwarts who makes her fall. She was on a fine line, fighting for her survival and to save her loved ones. She was fighting against her own sanity during the battle, every second, every move, every thought was a step forward. She was winning, seeing a glimmer of hope when Voldemort died. Her first reaction was to laugh at having a hard time breathing, it was over, they had won, she had won. So she ran through the castle to find her two best friends, she had seen them during the battle but was unable to join them at that time. They were finally going to be reunited, to be again the trio they always have been. No matter what they had gone through, they had survived and they will be able to rebuild themself together. 

Nobody can imagine the pain that hit her when she saw the two dead bodies on the ground. It was like the blast of an explosion, in less than a second her world collapsed. They were all she had, she has been an orphan for years, an only child, Fred and George were all that mattered to her. Thus broke the spirit of the young woman

-She hasn't progressed since May …

-It can take a long time before she may feel ready to accept the truth. She knows it but she needs to do it all again. 

-But how much longer ? She's not going to stay locked up here all her life !

-When she accepts reality and gets over it, she can return to live with her family.

-She has no family left, her parents died years ago and she had no one else. And the twins died too ... I'm afraid she has no family left.

The lyrics of the song can be heard through the door, from what she hears, Emily understands how this music speaks so much to Amber. “My sweet love, won’t you pull me through ? Everywhere I look I catch a glimpse of you.” It must be horrible to lose your two best friends, even more when you think of them as your brothers, your last family. She really lost everything that day, even her sanity.

~~~~

“God don’t let me lose my mind.” She sings with this whole heart, eyes closed and serenity filling the room. She knows the lyrics by heart, it became her favorite song because it reminds her of them. When she opens her eyes she faces the twins, sitting at the table. They exchange a mischievous look before looking at her, it's like when they were young. A blink of an eye and they are three children facing each other, mischievous and innocent. Then teenagers, running through Hogwarts to escape Filch, out of breath but having fun. It's only onto the common room they can relax, out of danger. Fred told Amber that it's her turn to do it, so she takes his wand and puts it on the map. Surrounded by his two best friends, Amber open her eyes and as a tear falls, she whispers :

-Mischief managed.

[sardonicnihilism]

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 5 The Older Woman

Chapter 5

The rest of 2018 and 2019 passed in fairly unremarkable fashion. The kids kept seeing the counselor, Jerry's behavior and grades improved until he was one of his grades top students. Tabatha, likewise, did extremely well academically. Jerry joined the school soccer team and took up violin, and Tabatha took up piano, guitar, and drums. While life continued with its normal ups and downs, it really did seem like the worst was behind them.

Even when 2020 hit like a meteor, it still didn't affect Shannon and her family that much. Both Sam and Shannon were deemed essential workers, and therefore kept their jobs. The schools shut down, but Shannon did home lessons over the summer and the kids did remote learning in the fall. Jerry struggled, having a hard time staying focused, but Tabatha did exceptionally well.

It was November when things started to go to Hell for them personally. Shannon started noticing a pain in her right chest and shoulder. It would constantly ache, and if she moved too fast, bolts of sharp, white hot pain would shoot through her body. At first she thought it was just muscle strain from lifting too much (she had gotten back into weight training to lose weight), but when she had taken a week off and there was no improvement, she knew she had to see a doctor.

Here appointment was in December, the week after Christmas. The doctor checked her out and then chewed her out. She was 47 years old and had never had a mammogram. Shannon reluctantly agreed to have one and her doctor made the appointment.

Shannon got her mammogram the second week of January at 8:50 AM. By 3:30 PM, she had three messages saying she should contact them immediately. Shannon had breast cancer. More than that, it had already spread to other parts of her body. After a consultation with the entire family, they decided on an aggressive treatment plan. Unfortunately, it was too late.

Shannon's health declined rapidly. Most of her hair fell out and she shrank from 252 pounds to 110. She was week and tired all the time. She mostly laid in bed, only getting up to use the bathroom; usually to vomit. It was decided that she would enter the hospital for her final days.

Sam would visit everyday. At first he brought the kids with him every time, then every other day, and then they would only come once a week on Sundays. By the end of April, it was clear it was only a matter of days.

Sam's last visit was on a Sunday. It was a perfect spring day. It was so warm and sunny that it made Sam angry. It seemed like a cosmic insult to everything he and Shannon were going through. However, he had managed to purge himself of his bitterness by the time he had gotten to Shannon's room.

She was staring out the window, a contemplative smile gracing her gaunt face. Her hands were folded in her lap and she looked almost transcendent.

"How's the most beautiful woman in the world doing today?" he asked with forced happiness as he entered her room.

Shannon turned to him and smiled as happy a smile as she could. "I don't know. I haven't seen her today," she joked back in her weak, hoarse voice.

Sam grabbed a chair and sat beside her. "How're you sweetie?" he asked with a hushed sadness.

"I'm ok. Best as possible I suppose. I was just thinking I beat mom by a month. She passed in April, I made it all the way to May. Of course she beats me on years though." Shannon's sense of gallows humor was not only still there, but had become stronger than ever.

"I tried to get the kids to come out, but they just couldn't," Sam said apologetically.

Shannon just waved her hand. "It's ok, my family never did do death well."

She turned back to the window and started talking as much to herself as to Sam. "I was going to ask you to make a recording of me saying my farewells to the kids, but then I thought if I really wanted this to be the last and forever image of me; a sad, shriveled up husk of a human being - an image of sadness and loss? That just seems too cruel. I'd rather be forgotten if that is the case."

"You'll never be forgotten," Sam tried to reassure her.

She turned back to him, smiling even more. "We're all forgotten eventually darling." She then reached out and took his hand. "It's been a life, hasn't it?"

"It sure has," he said, trying to smile, but tears were already starting to run down his cheek. "And I thank you for being the love of mine."

"As you are with mine," she said in a peaceful voice.

"No, you don't have to say that. You don't have to pretend." He shook his head as he spoke. He didn't want their potentially last moments to be filled with lies.

"Who's pretending?" Shannon said, sounding almost happy, like he had just told her a joke. "What? You think because I'm not romantically or sexualy attracted to you, that means you're not the love of my life? People put so much emphasis on romantic love. Darling, you were far more than a lover. Being a lover is easy. You were a friend." She then brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it.

Sam was now weeping heavily. "The first time I met you in the library, I knew I loved you," he choked out.

"When I was a little girl, I asked my grandfather why he kept the dogs outside. He said because animals don't belong in the house. That night, my biological mother, left me in her car while she went into the bar. I was alone, freezing. I wondered if maybe I was an animal and that's why I was being left alone.

"My entire life I felt alone, unloved, unlovable. I was angry and bitter and I hurt anyone or thing I could so they would feel what I felt. I caused so much pain.

"Then I met Jen and I thought I found love. I loved her and I thought she loved me, but she only loved what she thought I was. When I turned out not to be that, she turned her back on me and I went off the deep end.

"And then there was you. You made me laugh. I could talk to you about anything. I felt safe around you; not physically, but emotionally. I became a better person because of you.

"Even when I came out to you, you didn't turn me away, throw me out, which I would have understood if you did. You never stopped being my rock, my shoulder to cry on, the clown to make me laugh when I was crying. You never stopped being my friend."

"And I never will," Sam barely choked out.

"And that is why you're the love of my life."

Sam got up and they embraced. He gave her a kiss on the forehead and she gave him one the cheek. They spent the next five hours just reminiscening and joking.

"I better get going, I suppose," Sam said reluctantly. "I can't leave the kids alone all day, but I don't want to leave you alone either. Not to die at least."

"We all die alone honey, even if we're surrounded by people," she said with a smile. "Go. You're a father and your kids need you. I'm already dead. The only thing the dead need is rest. Just, just tell the kids I love them."

"Always," he said tearfully.

A couple hours after he left, she began to feel really tired, her fingers and toes started going numb. She knew the time had come.

She started thinking about tombstones. A name, a dash, and another date. Everything she was, everything she had been, reduced to a small line, carved in a stone that would survive long after she had been forgotten. It seemed unfair, cruel even.

She then thought about something else, something she had learned back in college. She thought about quantum entanglement, how two atoms can become entangled, linked forever across time and space, eternal mirrors to each other.

Her mind then darted to the concept of the multiverse. How there might be infinite universes out, each with their own version of her. What if two versions could be linked somehow? Entangled? What if her mirror was out there? Could she reach her? Could her mind link across dimensions to one of her other selves to share her story?

*Please, please, if can hear me, please tell my story. Please don't let me be forgotten!*, she thought over and over to herself, trying to reach out to anyone who might hear until her brain ceased to function and she passed away.

**************************************

Shannon Brown was born on November 22, 1975 to a single, alcoholic mother. He was taken in by his grandparents and his aunt Mary who raised him as her own. It is Mary who he considers to be his real mother. His biological mother, Kathy, would have two other children, a girl named Tracy (1977) and Paul Jr. (1979).

By about 4 or 5, Shannon knew that he wasn't a he, but a she, but having no language to express this, she kept this to herself. Shannon grew up alone, morbidly obese for most of her life, she never really had any friends and was constantly bullied and picked on. This made her angry and she would often act out in horrible and usually, self destructive ways.

She did manage to lose weight and was thin from 19 to 24. It was at this time she met her future wife, Samantha Hopwood online. Samantha, an Australian citizen, eventually moved to the United States and they got married in 2001. In 2009, their first child, Joshua was born.

It was after that, Shannon came out to Samantha as transgender. It caused a lot of pain and anger in their marriage, but they were able to work through some of it so that they had their second child, Tara, in 2011. In 2020, after years of being partially closeted, Shannon came out to everyone on Facebook (much to the horror of her wife).

It was about this time that Shannon discovered an app called FaceApp. It could change your photo to look like a child, old person, even the opposite physical gender. Shannon took a picture of herself, femininized it, and then took that new picture and reaged it from a little girl to an old woman. As Shannon stared at the pictures, she couldn't help but marvel over how real they looked! These looked like real pictures of an actual person.

"Who are you?" she said to herself. "Who are you, what is your story?" The more she stared at the pictures, the more she could almost hear this stranger call out, "Please, please, tell my story." It was then Shannon knew what she had to do. She opened her Tumblr app, hit the write symbol, and began-

A Biography of the Woman Who Never Was

Part 1: The Girl

Chapter 1

*This story is dedicated to the memory of H.P. Lovecraft; a horrible man, but great world builder. This wouldn't exist without him.*