#just kidding mostly but we do need more MILFs in this game

[cara-delaney-author]

The comments are not here for this Sloane erasure, and neither am I^^

The only big complaint I have about Destiny characters is how young their female characters are, compared to their male ones. Like Saladin, Osiris, & Drifter, vs. Ana, Ikora, & Mara. The latter group are about the same age as the former group, but the men look it while the women top out at like, maybe early 30s. In a world with immortal zombies there have to be some women on the scale between 27 and actual grandma. In the world of Destiny, there have to be milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are the milfs. Where are t

[melsimps]

So... some lore for my spiderverse oc, Tobias Tulper (the Spider-By-Proxy).

He has a kind of close relationship with Moon Knight in his universe. Mostly because of the whole "working for a god" thing they've both got in common (and yes, it's still the three Moon boys).

They've started acting as a mentor in a way to Tobias, because the three of them have been at this hero game a long time. And so, they help teaching him in different ways.

Steven helps with the more detective-y investigative stuff.

Marc handles stealth and secretive work. Along with some minor self defence training.

Jake definitely helps teach him to fight properly.

...but they are also involved in each other's lives because his mom is dating them. Like, she is fully dating the moon boys (or, their public identities, ig).

And they only found out about the other when Marc was leaving for his Moon Knight shit, while Toby was sneaking back in from his own Spider-By-Proxy shit.

...yeah, they had a long conversation that night.

[Summarised:]

"You can't do shit like this, kid. Your mom's gonna flip" "Does Mom know you do this?" "...Let me show you how to do shit like this properly."

[It turned into a bonding experience].

Whenever Marc/Steven/Jake are on patrol with him, Araven gets kinda pissy because originally - this was a chance for him to work with his kid.

Lead to a bit of angst where Araven came out and got really mad with Steven - who Toby came to for romantic advice.

Steven kept calm and explained that he wasn't trying to steal Toby from him, just keep him safe - like Araven wanted, too.

Anyway, his MJ is also his universe's equivalent of Harry Osborne.

Nick Doarico. The strong-yet-silent rich kid that Tobias has been friends with since he was four.

They hang out together and listen to music.

Also, there's his Deadpool, Ricky Roberts. He has a bat and plays baseball. :)

The three hang out together and do dumb shit ("boys will be boys" in the best way possible).

Toby and Cody used to be close - but, after Cody got his amulet, the two kinda grew apart.

Cody became more obsessed with his devotion to Silbara, and shut his brother out.

...but Toby will always want to be there, to give his brother a hand if he needs it.

Also, an incorrect quote because I saw a tiktok and had an idea for domestic Tulper-Spector-Grant-Lockley shit:

Steven: New rule! When one of you two start giving your mum an attitude, we're gonna start romancing her.

Steven, to Connie: Hello, darling~!

Jake, deciding to front now: How you doing, baby girl?

[Laughing, playful protests of "No" from Cody and Toby]

Jake: How'd you feel about another child?

Connie, trying not to laugh: No.

Marc, switching to host: What about your-! I could rub your ankles Goodnight.

Connie, laughing: No.

[Marc does that jokey playful flirt growl thing.]

Connie, wheezing: No-!

[Marc makes kissy noises at her. Connie is laughing, while the twins are cringing hard]

Marc: Oh yeah, baby.

[Marc looks to the twins, jokingly]

Marc: Are we gonna adjust the attitude?

Toby, laughing: yes-!

Steven, fronting again: Are we gonna clean without fighting?

Twins, cringing hard: Yes-!

[Toby, Cody, and Connie are all laughing]

Steven: From now on, you give her attitude, we start woo-ing your mother.

Cody: No-!

Steven: And the worse your attitude, the more your mum's gonna blush!

...yeah.

The Moon Boys had a Yung Gravy arc, ig. Fell in love with a milf archaeologist.

And took a Spider-person as a protégé in a way.

Want any more lore? Just ask!!!

[bunchofstraydogs]

You asked for it :> So may I request the rest of BSD playing Genshin? 😘🥰

Darling, since I can't write that many characters in one go, I thought I should give you something special. I present... 💫 women 💫

Women of BSD as Genshin Impact players

tw: you're in bsd fandom, you know all the tw there are by now

Kyouka Izumi- Assasin in the streets, babysitter in the... Genshin Impact

Kyouka is that cute, stubborn kid that overfixates on things. Atsushi is things. Look, we all know Kyo-chan is mad intelligent and talented and it shows in her game play. Right off the bat she got the sense of the gameplay of every type of character and decided what works best for her. She knows what type of team she's going for and knows how to manage her materials wisely.

When she plays alone, Kyouka works towards bettering her characters and pushing through the storyline. Her favourite way to play the game is with Atsushi, whether alone or in co-op with others. Playing with Jinko is a huge win-win situation for her - she helps him beat up whatever he needs to take down and complete puzzles, he gives her praises and gratitude. And materials, but seldom does she take them.

Her main job, though, is to protect Atsushi and his world from the otherworldly evil known as the suicidal maniac, Dazai Osamu. She's fairly successful.

Main Team: MC, Klee, Keqing, Rosaria

Sub Team: MC, Qiqi, Fischl, Hu Tao

Mains MC, both for her flexibility with elements and because she likes being the little sister to Atsushi's male MC.

Yosano Akiko- retired nurse, now a terrorist

Did you really think she'd stay a healer without having the sadistic satisfaction of hurting people in grotesque ways? Nay. She doesn't have a single healer on team. She either has a teammate who's a healer like Haruno, or she wastes abundance of food until she can teleport to a statue of the seven.

Her game play is on crack, basically. She has several energy spurs, sometimes several times a day, where she rages through the game, before losing interest and going shopping. It's very possible with her that days can pass before she feels like playing again. Then she binges the game for hours and repeat.

When i say she acts like on crack i mean it. She has rage in her veins instead of blood. She tanks her characters and goes out looking for fights with worst possible opponents. Hell, she'll under equip her party just to see how many mofos can she take down in weak state. Spoilers, a fair few. She does die quite a bit, and is almost always out of food, but she's just as stubborn as she's crazy. Those two thing correlate probably. Which is why she made Azdaha her bitch. Her party consists either of strong, hot milfs women like herself, or twinks. You won't see someone like Childe disrespecting her vibe.

Main Team: Beido, Venti, Hu Tao, Rozaria

Sub Team: Lisa, Yanfei, Ningguang, Xingqiu

Beido and Lisa main. Bad bitches only.

Naomi Tanizaki- the fangirl player

She basically collects the cutest characters possible.. That's how she chooses her characters, based on cuteness. She went for the hot ones first to pull her brother but she got jealous and changed her tactic. You know she's spending her money on character skins and certain banners. She's insanely lucky tho?? She got Qiqi on the standard banner as her first 5*, pulled Klee on her banner in little over four 10 pulles and got Diona eventually anyway. Baraba and Xiangling were free and she mained Xiangling untill Klee rolled in. She spent some money on Venti and was already in pity when Ganyu came around. She's fully ready to whale for Kokomi though.

Now i know i said she's incredibly lucky, right? Yeahh that luck has to turn against something to keep the balance and well... she's still crying over Chongyun.

She usually co-ops with her brother, it's a daily ritual. Loves co oping with everyone though, mostly Haruno, Atsushi and Kyouka. She made online friends as well. Actually, there is one person she co ops with almost as much as she does with her brother. IchiGawa is her Genshin bestie and they talk about their crushes and infatuations besides the game itself. Her friend is the only secret she keeps from her brother.

Main Team: Klee, Diona, Venti, Barbara

Sub Team: Razor, Xiangling, Xingqiu, Qiqi

A Klee main.

Haruno Kirako- the healer

Literal angel. You need her, i need her, ADA needs her, the president needs her, just... yes. Her whole team consists of support- healers and crowd control characters. She was a f2p at first, but realised she earns her own money and can spend it however she wishes and she chose the monthly cards.

She's a necessity, point blank. She can get intimidated by new foe at first, but when backed up by her friends, she becomes determined and flexible. Pays good attention to her teammates, most importantly, their health bars, and acts accordingly.

The only reason most of them made it as far as they have, being as reckless as they are.

Main Team: Albedo, Barbara, Jean, Venti

Sub Team: Qiqi, Noel, Jean, Xinyan

Mains Albedo and Barbara

Fan fact: She's very fascinated infatuated with Albedo!! He's even her home screen and has posters and key chain of him.

Gin Akutagawa- that cottagecore assassin

You may be wondering what that could even mean. Let me tell you, she brought Animal Crossing to Genshin Impact. Sure she takes care of her characters and they're pretty powerful, but she kicks ass in real life as well. The game is her little getaway, especially since Serenity pot has been introduced. She's been making away her home for her and her brother characters. You can see her chop wood, collect materials, taking pictures with her friends and her brother, sometimes of pretty scenery and cute moments. A very wholesome player.

She's the type to help her friends explore their world and help them find oculi, open chests, shrines, collect flowers, mine... She's very patient, but if she sees her co-op teammates struggle with something, she'll jump in to help do it herself untill told to back off. In which case she will listen and silently give her support, usually with the cheering stickers in the chat.

She's f2p! Sure, she could get the monthly card at least, as Ryunosuke told her, but she really wants to enjoy the game on her own terms and have what she does through her own effort and hard work. It just feels satisfying to her and more personal.

Main Team: Jean, Ayaka, Diluc, Barbara

Sub Team: Doesn't have one! She just changes characters if certain elements are needed.

Jean main!! She admirers the relationship her and Barbara have. While she's the younger of the two, she's taken the mantle of the older sibling, in a way, and is looking after her reckless as heck brother and cares for him like Jean does for Barbara. Jean is also a wonderful person in her eyes and Gin harbours great respect for the blonde.

Higuchi Ichiyo- IchiGawa 🤡

I love Higuchi so much, but my girl is a mess and a half. Help her, please. No, really, she needs help. She's been over compensating for not being dramatic and eye catching in the battlefield, and has now found a new way to prove herself to her Akutagawa-san. Problem is, as soon as she sees a potentially powerful character, she has to get them and boost them to the havens... yeahh, good thing you can't do loans in the game, otherwise she'd have sharks on her ass for having a bill as dramatic and eye catching as Tsunade's from Naruto. Our girl out there turning heads for wrong reasons. She's definitely spent her pay checks on the game "oh no no, i just buy the monthly subscription, ehe" ehe my ass, you bankrupt bitch. Baal is coming and she's looking to sell a kidney. No, it's not her own and no, it doesn't have anything to do with the game. It's a mission, for God's sake.

But hey, the game is a good investment for her! She even made a friend, one that totally understands her how she feels!! They're very alike as well, ready to do anything for the person they love. The two talk about love a lot and have bonded over it. Higuchi is actually a jealous and a protective type of person, so she hides her friend from Gin and Tachihara like snake hides it's legs. If only they knew 🤡. But it's better this way as they both have a certain sense of normalcy and familiarity they were missing in their daily lives. (Higuchi and Naomi meeting scenario when?)

Main Team: Xiao, Fischl, Xingqiu, Diluc

Sub Team: Baal (soon?), Venti, Ganyu, Zhongli

She mains Xiao because he reminds her of Akutagawa-san and yes, she uses characters from her sub team when playing with others.

Fan Fact: when she was asked why her username is IchiGawa, she said she's like a river 🤡 No, it does absolutely not stand for Ichiyo Akutagawa.

Ozaki Kouyo- the husbando and loli collector

Don't get the wrong idea when i said loli collector. She just needs to adopt them and look after them. She also enjoys watching her precious babies kick ass like her Kyouka. But that's a two way sword, because she gets angry when they die. Savage.

And yeahh, the real reason she's playing the game... Mr Zhongli. She switches often between eng and jpn audios because she can't decide which sounds sexier. Also, Mr Diluc? Yes, she would like to be served one sex on the beach please and thank you! Ah, Mr Kaeya, a perfect window of opportunity, yes.

She has a huge spot for the teenager group as well. Razor, Bennett, Fishl, Xiangling, Xingqiu and Chongyun are also her kids. She just finds them very precious (don't we all?).

Main Team: Zhongli, Kaeya, Bennett, Diluc

Sub Team: Diona, Klee, Qiqi, Sayu

A Zhongli and Diluc main.

Bonus:

Elise- the evil lackadaisical player

Mori found out about the game from Higuchi and Tachihara and introduced it to Elise, telling her she should make a team of sweet little girls like herself and have fun going on adventures around Teyvat. In response, Elise made a team that, not only does it not have a single child in it, but is using it to gaslight and bully Rintarou.

"Why aren't you smart and inventive like Albedo?"

"Why aren't you as passionate and persistent as Sucrose?"

"Look how capable, loved and admired Ningguang is. You could never."

"I wish i had someone as strong, caring, handsome and rich like Childe looking after me. He would treat me like a real princess. "

Mori has been crying rivers ever since.

Thing is, Elise isn't even that interest in the story. Actually, she couldn't care less. Some characters are interesting to her and she likes the graphics, but other than that, she's mostly playing the game to torture the greasy doctor (as she should).

Main Team: Albedo, Sucrose, Ningguang, Childe

Sub Team: doesn't have one

Doesn't have a main either, she plays whoever she feels like playing.

I wanted to add Lucy too, but my mind wasn't cooperating ;-; Sorry about that. I do hope you liked this, Eli 💛

[sleevesareforlosers]

and now my headcanon questions: 1. you've probs talked about this before but in ur long term post-canon (like. snapshot of these guys as Real Adults 10+ years later ) what are vaya and vamos' average days like? 2. do u have any platonic vamos & vinyl headcanons?, and 3. do u have any val/volume/vinyl relationship headcanons? sorry those last two are so open ended I'm just thinking about them ❤️

oh!!!! okay okay okay i love these (and god. i talk so much whoops)

1. vaya ten years down the road still lives in the RadioShack (docs old station) but kind of splits nights between there and xyr girlfriend's place (blessed helen, milf, oc that @dangerdaysofficial and i share). if xes at the shack xe gets woken up by xyr cat(s) and if xes at helens they get woken up by helens kids. xe does broadcasts from the shack mostly but if theres an event happening in the zones (concert, sports game, derby, etc) then xe has a portable station in docs van and goes to them. so yeah xe mostly hangs out, does broadcasts/traffic reports when they happen (much rarer now that like. they arent at war sdkfjs), bugs val and vinyl, xe 'helps' helen in her garden by sitting around and looking pretty and spraying her with a hose when she isnt looking. vayas life postcanon is very much learning how to put down roots and be open and connected with the world around xem

vamos ten years down the road is living in the city, has like. two or three therapy appts a year bc theyve done the Real heavy lifting with like trauma/grief/codependency so now they only have to go when their SAD is acting up or like, yknow, life stresses make things tough. they i think run a like, free store yknow? and it also functions a bit as the nest did in terms of being open housing, a place for people to hang out, vamos loves people and loves helping people so living somewhere thats like, the-nest-but-not-so-destructive is really really good for them. and its very chill as well they get to sleep in and run around the city for fun and host big like. community dinners whenever they want to and ofc they go out of the zones at least once a week to visit vaya and val and vinyl. sometimes the rest of the v's (they still call themselves that but its more of an honorary thing yknow?) come in to visit but vaya is Busy still and going to the city is still kinda hard on vinyl so thats less often. which is ok! vamos does love the zones still they just went to the city to get like. therapy very soon after them n val and vinyl got back from their postcomics roadtrip and by the time theywere like. feeling stable enough to not need super frequent appts and checkups they had roots down in the city and didnt Want to leave. vamos' life postcanon is less about putting down roots and more about finding the balance between independence and community that was hard for them to get while being like. hunted for being a killjoy

2. i have a few but theyre not serious theyre just like. i like rotating them in my mind. vinyl is the only v that Actually knows how to change a lightbulb but vamos is the one that always does it bc vinyl likes to sit back and laugh while vamos climbs up on whoevers shoulders to try and fix things. vamos had been dying their hair before joining the vs ofc but vinyl was the one to suggest that they try pink. they cuddle so much!!! like vamos is already a v physically affectionate person but vinyl LOVES to curl up with them, theyll nap together on couches a lot. also as the two v's that val was most uh. lenient (? chill) with, theyll team up to tease him every now and then (moreso postcanon for obvious reasons) which sometimes looks like vamos putting on what they imagine vinyl's voice would sound like to read whatever he's written in his notebook and sometimes looks like the two of them passing notes and giggling like schoolchildren, tossing the book back and forth over vals head when he tries to grab it, etc. bastards <3 it was vinyls idea for vamos to come on the postcomics roadtrip

3. hm. not romantic hcs but friendship ones for sure!! they were the v's before vaya and vamos joined so there was i think abt two years when it was just the three of them running around, eventually moving into and kinda taking over the nest. volume and val could fight a lot and sometimes vinyl would smack a little sense into them and sometimes hed leave them to work it out but like. most of the time they Did all get along super well (crews love each other!!!) and i mean. sharing beds sharing clothes (val n volume are the same size for binders) making each other food "hey volume i stole u jewelry from the market" "oh val did you hear about the loretta show in zone three i think youd have fun, we should go" "vinyl im doing laundry do you want me to patch up your jumpsuit i know the knees are wearing through" like!!! even if they were bad at um. words and obvious shows of affection or acting like they liked each other sometimes they loved and knew each other really really well and it was obvious in the little things

[petrosapian]

antigone funn for ur ask game but if youve done her already...... lady templar

ill do both

Antigone

First impression: Rancid shut in, relatable, nice

Impression now: ma'am will u marry me please

Favorite moment: there's so many to chose from. im gonna go with 'we work in a sad profession, eric'

Idea for a story: okay my brain is on marina, really need Chapman to start to pursue her and have her reject him so she can perfectly fit "i love you but i love me more" it already fits but mostly in my brain. Also desperate for her to hang out w the hoodlums again, i think it would be funny if they tried to set her up w someone.

Unpopular opinion: i think at large with in the listeners of wooden overcoats liking her with Chapman but we have effectively taken over tumblr. the power of crazy.

Favorite relationship: okay obvi i think she and Chapman are the funniest but i think her moments with Rudyard are just ever slightly so better because they really are close and have an amazing sibling dynamic ("oh rudyard don't leave the womb i'll be lonely' 'i told you in confidence) but id be remiss if i didnt give a shout out to girl power couple her and Georgie have a good but lax relationship its good

Favorite headcanon: oh boy idk. she does have kids. i want my milf antigone

Lady Templar

First impression: i honestly didnt register her too much lakjdlaskjd fun!

Impression now: she is funny. evil. also funny, i hope we get another templar centric episode, what's the piffling aristocracy??

Favorite moment: when she told Chapman they should have a threesome w the local astronomer

Idea for a story: i want to see her husband and his wonderful eyebrows. Also want to see her interact w Antigone again. maybe we could have a my fair lady moment

Unpopular opinion: i have no idea what the fan consensus of her. she sounds like shes 50tho like in my head shes like agatha doyle's age i was confused when she was dating chappers kalsjdlsakjd

Favorite relationship: her and chapman ARE funny, i like toxic nonsense, cucking her husband good for her

Favorite headcanon: the reason she is dating chapman is bc she was just the first person to ask, that's why he said yes, unfortunately she is a rebound from georgie. also still think swiftie templar is funny but realistically, she doesnt know who that is until taylor starts dating someone in her social circle bc taylor is insane w a fetish for british boys

[boundlesshart]

preliminary cindered shadows thoughts and headcanons

Or: DLC truly fed me more than I fed myself today

Ok. I have watched through all of Cindered Shadows, read through the library texts, and seen the Claude/Balthus supports. I’ll keep this mostly concerning Claude and House Riegan as a whole, since they’ve gotten a lot of development.

As of right now, the information seems to be more informing than “you see this carefully created headcanon that you like? poof. gone”, which is excellent!

Spoiler warning extends to early Chapter 1 of Cindered Shadows (snippet of dialogue ten minutes into the side story, nothing story related), Basement Library contents, and the Balthus/Claude support. 

Members of House Riegan

The most exciting development for me is that every immediately relevant Riegan has been named! Duke Riegan (Claude’s Grandfather) is now Oswald von Riegan (nicknamed Oswald the Old in the C support of Balthus/Claude), and Claude’s mom is now Tiana. 

First off: Oswald the Old. Love it. Keeping it. I’m only now realizing that a lot of my headcanons have been restricted to the headcanon channel on our discord, so for a refresher: I hc that Duke Riegan has a Major Crest of Riegan, which has allowed him to reach 100 years of age by the time the game starts. He’s kind of shaking his cane at the youngins and being stubbornly alive in the face of Alliance nobles praying to the goddess for him to pass on finally, but his health is failing and he is unquestionably old. It reminds me a lot of “The Late Lord Frey” from ASOIAF, which refers to another ridiculously old man who people wish would die so that they can get their inheritance, only for him to be stubbornly alive (and hated, though he doesnt particularly care about that). LITERALLY hate that I compared Oswald to Walder..... LITERALLY hate that i realized that their names have similarities. Moving on quickly before I get mad.

I do miss my Shakespeare reference of Desdemona falling in love with Othello the moor, and Tiana feels a little too simple next to her brother Godfrey, but it’s fine. I’ll talk more about her later, because now we have to talk about the brand new Riegan on the block: Claudia von Riegan.

Letter to a Mysterious Noble: Lady Riegan Gives Bren a Heart Attack, Part One

I’ll start with the letter that nearly killed me:

My Beloved.... 

You were right. It seems he would not hesitate to divide the house. What's more, I hear he's considering taking his half of the territory and joining the Kingdom. 

I can't believe he would even consider dragging another region into this, not to mention stirring up trouble over his inheritance, at a time when the Alliance desperately needs to unite. He's clearly out of his mind. Though he bears a Major Crest, and you a Minor Crest, your father was wise in his attempt to declare you his heir. 

As it were, I can't help but wonder what your intentions with me are, I am drowning in letters proposing marriage to that....beast. He may share your face, but the resemblance ends there. I refuse to marry such a foul creature. If you don't come to me soon, I am going to you. Don't forget that my father's blessing could be revoked at any moment.... 

I will depart Derdriu at the end of the Lone Moon. You have better be prepared for my arrival. I wish to marry you beneath the Garland Moon. Why? Well, I am a woman, after all, and even I harbor dreams of being a Garland Bride. Understood? Great. Make it so. 

- Claudia, Second Daughter of House Riegan

Ok. With the Claude/Balthus support it is confirmed that Claudia von Riegan is NOT Claude’s mom, which is a relief and a half because I was about to throw hands in defense of the milfdilf power couple that I made Claude’s parents to be. 

Now that that is cleared up, this letter is definitely referring to the split of House Daphnel and the creation + defection of House Galatea to the Kingdom. We don’t have a date for when this happened to give more context to the letter, so I’ll leave that to a future Ingrid to decide. In lieu of that, I’ll place this at the 960s, since the Alliance would be in turmoil rebuilding and recovering from the war against Almyra, which would be a time when they desperately need to unite. It’s also a part of my Riegan timeline that isn’t getting filled up, so it works for me. 

What’s more important is what is happening in this letter: Duke Riegan’s daughter, fleeing her home and all she knew for the one she loved. Very Claudemom, which is where we realize that this is the inspiration behind Claude’s name. I’ll deal with that in a second, I just want to comment on how funny it is that a Riegan lady eloping is something that has happened twice now. It’d be funny if this was a pattern..... though I can’t see it staying positive though, Riegan ladies being thought of as notoriously difficult and strong-willed, in a bad way.

I thought this was Claude’s mom because of how frank she was. Claude calls his mother a warrior goddess and a demon queen who would have laughed right alongside his dad if he got into trouble, and from this letter..... it really fits. “He’s clearly out of his mind”, “I can’t help but wonder what your intentions with me are”, calling one of her suitors (the other brother?) a “beast”, “if you don’t come to me soon, I am going to you”, and my favorite part: “You have better be prepared for my arrival. I wish to marry you beneath the Garland Moon. Why? Well, I am a woman, after all, and even I harbor dreams of being a Garland Bride. Understood? Great. Make it so.”

Very blunt. She knows what she wants and she’s going to get it. It’s pretty much confirming what I’ve been thinking about how Tiana would have approached Hairan (Claude’s dad) and captured his heart, and what I’ve been going with for Claude’s search of a partner. They know what they want. They won’t stand to marry a spineless lowlife. They want someone who can keep up with them, not walk behind them or ahead of them but beside them. Excellent content. This really made me love House Riegan.

Now. Claudia. Claude. Claude is meant to be named after Claudia. My headcanon prior to this was that Claude is a name he took on when he came to Fódlan, naming himself after Godfrey Claudius Riegan to curry favor and affection from his sentimental grandfather. 

Here’s the thing: both ways have their own meanings and I love them both. The first references someone who could have been Tiana’s inspiration to leave to Almyra, a tribute to the woman who gave her courage. The second references a dead guy whose name Claude uses for his own personal gain, only for it to end up being a big part of his identity, similar to his initial view of Fódlan as a stepping stone to achieving his dreams. I’m not in the business of headcanoning deadnames. Claude’s reference of fake names after Balthus asks if he is Claude von Riegan (something along the lines of “Claude is such a common name in Fódlan, it’d be perfect for a fake name”) is definitely just to throw Balthus off, but it’s too perfect not to appropriate for my own use. My initial headcanon about Claude’s names stay: When he started transitioning he chose to go by Hafez, and when he resolved to go to Fódlan he decided to go by Claude after his recently-departed uncle.

Tiana von Riegan: Lady Riegan Gives Bren a Heart Attack, Part Two

Tiana von Riegan..... I love her. God I love her. I love that Balthus loves her and confirms that she is a hot milf on top of being a badass woman in general. Claude being like “Dude that’s my mom” was also really funny. Excellent support that goes into what is important for me. Love. Stan.

Timelinewise, I’ve put Tiana’s birth year at 1135, her graduation from the Officers Academy at 1154 (a year after Balthus was born, she was 19), and her disappearance in 1160. Reminder that Claude was born in 1162, specifically stated outside of Fódlan. Things are actually looking up for this timeline and where I placed her: Between 1154 and 1160 she is stationed at Fódlan’s Throat as one of the Goneril Valkyries, which gives me a fantastic excuse to have Holst and Balthus meet her a few times before her disappearance as stated in the support. Both of them knew her, and apparently they bawled their eyes out when they heard that she disappeared, which is hilarious but also cute???? She really was popular.... 

Back to the milfdilf power couple, LOVE Claude’s line when Balthus says that he wants to confess to his mom: “Is that a fact? Well, it’ll be interesting to see whether my father can kill you before my mother beats him to it”. They’re MARRIED. They LOVE EACH OTHER. I love it when Fire Emblem gives me parents that love each other and their kid.

Overall, nothing much changes besides the name. Except for this one..... “interesting” document from the Basement Library.I’m just going to be mad and confused at it so it gets their own separate section:

To Those Who Slither in the Dark: Eat My Ass

Ok, so straight up? I don’t like the whole “secret society of mole men are behind every plot point in history ever” thing. Stop it. Stop it! I hate this almost as much as I hate alternate timelines coming together. I’d rather it be people making decisions on their own be the reason why things go to shit, not secret societies of mole men. I had a feeling that the Slithers would be involved in the Leicester Alliance somehow beyond the Ordelia mess, but that didn’t mean that I wanted it.... Awful. Terrible. I’m posting this note here for posterity.

Item 51 Part 6 ...son of the Alliance's leader, Duke Oswald Riegan, has died in an accident. This follows an incident involving the previous successor, and even the knights of Seiros suspect it was at Count Gloucester's command, thought it seems to conspicuous. This is some concern that this could spark a war. With Duke Riegan gravely ill, the situation is....

At first glance it’s pretty much what it is: throwing some ambiguity at the identity of who arranged for Godfrey’s death. The one thing I’m still trying to wrap my head around is the mention of a “previous successor” before Godfrey. The only mention of Duke Riegan’s other kids is in the Alliance Nobility Register Thingy describing House Riegan, which only mentions his daughter Tiana. Timeline-wise, she is the only person that fits. I headcanoned Tiana as a crestless daughter and the last child of many throughout her father’s lifetime, so far out of sight and mind that she gladly took on risks like fighting to defend Fódlan’s Throat and eloping to Almyra because she didn’t have any duties tying her down. I don’t know what to make of this.... so I’m just going to pretend it doesn’t exist.

Claude/Balthus Support

Finally.... here is the rest of my reaction to Claude’s one new support from the DLC. I said this a lot but I’ll say it again: Love it, excellent, incredibly informative. I like it for the same reason I like Hilda’s (going into his origin), but I also like it because it’s the first time someone that can speak comments on Claude’s ambitions outside of the one cutscene after Fort Merceus. I’m very satisfied with what I got.

The official story/explanation for Claude’s origins seems to be that he was born to an offshoot of House Riegan. Now, Balthus dismisses it, but Balthus is dumb and I’m not dismissing it because it perfectly fits with my headcanon that there are a handful of people that are Riegans in name only, children of the current Duke Riegan, crestless and poor and existing only as irrelevant nobles. They would have been ignored if Duke Riegan died without an heir. Balthus sees through it immediately, but seeing that Claude thinks it’s plausible enough to use as a cover story, I think there’s some truth to it.

Claude reaction to Balthus poking into his heritage is to tell him to mind his own business, followed by saying that he’s too busy and leaving. This is so unconvincing that I’m choosing to ignore it. Come on Claude. You’re better than this.

We get a little information on Kupala, the autonomous village in the mountains close to Edmund Territory, north of the Alliance and straddling the borders of Leicester and Almyra. I’m not tooooo interested in them personally but I like Claude’s last line when he’s talking about a description of the Kupala tribe he heard in Almyra: “Don’t try to find them, people say, or you’re liable to get hexed. Or so the tale goes. That part was probably added to spice up the story a bi, but even so, they’re certainly a mysterious lot.” I headcanon that magic isn’t widely practiced in Almyra and to a point even feared (see: Claude’s pleas to not get hit by magic in his Lysithea supports). So like.... love it when my dumb headcanons get that Support.

Absolutely LOVE that someone is telling Claude that simply “breaking down the barriers”, whatever that means, won’t be easy and might result in consequences he didn’t prepare for. It’s like I possessed Balthus.... “Give me concrete details on your plan and also let me tell your mom I love her”. I also love Balthus’ line “Everything we’ve built to until now could fall to ash”, which references Claude’s death quote in CF.

[at-the-exd-of-everythixg]

Ok uh DND HEADCANONS aka welcome to fantasy queer eye

Ava: A tiefling paladin. Bonar Fidea ("BONER?" "Shut the fuck up Sal.") Is sworn to her mission to protect the group of travellers she's met. Especially when faced with a particular half orc,,,ahem, Bonar is intent on doing good, not for the cost of gold, but to perhaps wipe her hands of bloodshed left over from a suffocating war that she refuses to talk about....just a shame that the rest of her party doesn't agree with the motives.

Mimi: Dwarf fighter named Viet Clearwater ("'Cause she drags her enemies through the fucking mud!"). Dwarf milf -

("wait," Lace squints and Mimi grins. "How is she a milf??" "WELL. You know that thing where a woman gets out of the fire and shakes her head? That's that." Everyone waits for a moment before nodding appreativatevly.)

- who worked in a blacksmiths for many years before meeting Sal's character and ending up joining his kid onto becoming fantasy bounty hunters for a few months before meeting the others. Viet's personal mission is to get a beach day yet each plot ends up derailing her from it each and every time.

Finn: Druid Elf called Roisen-Mae Maylar who worked in fantasy Greggs before Bonar robbed them and Roisen-Mae was the one who was sent after her due to him being "the new guy". Long story short, Roisen-Mae realised he was underpaid and joined Bonar in her avenging for justice, quickly realising that "justice" was conceived of breaking into places and killing people in order to free others. Roisen-Mae kinda wishes he could go back to Fantasy Greggs but...he likes the feeling of adventure in his blood, likes helping people in such a freeing manner.

Sal: Elvish Bard named Chester. Out here playing the top hits of "I want thy love" and "I was created for loving thee." With the backups of Wulf's character. Realised that he could get more cash and that there was...fuck, there was something magic about his voice that struck the monsters and mysterious assassins often sent after the party for some reason.

("Wait so you're some sort of siren?" Pascal had begun to laugh as Sal sqwuaked in indignation. "No! Its- its magic! Shut up you solar piece of shit!")

Sure, murder wasn't was Chester was expecting. But fuck if it ain't gonna be fun (skksks ngl I'm...half wondering if Sal would let his dnd character be in love like I am with him and me being ace sksk)

Mahogany: No character since they struggle with grasping the game but they usually have someone sitting on their lap while they watch everyone play and suggest actions. Sometimes they're allowed to be monsters but often Mahogany is just there to get some cuddles.

Pascal: Orc rogue named Solgrindr The Rugged. 100% he's here to get jacked and each mission allows him to gain One Ab. His guns are huge but his heart is even huge-er and Solgrindr speaks with a fiery passion to sell his training regime and to collect a million fantasy numbers. Since. U know. Solgrindr has earned these by now.

("So you're a Chad?" Mimi squints and Pascal lifts up a hand in offense before Sal interjects. "YEAH PASCAL YOU AN INCEL?" Pascal cried a minute later. He just wanted to be ripped, was that too much to ask?)

Solgrindr is but a man of his whims and what's a bigger whim than a fiery battle and an even hotter romance? ("His sole goal is to romance Chester." Pascal says, smiling viciously when Sal chokes from across the table.) Its just a shame he hasn't been able to live up to his full power yet...

Edith: A half-orc paladin called Yanag Broifstïgnäh who is...basically a carbon copy of Edith but no one's gonna exactly argue with a 6'something Norse angel who everyone excluding Wulf and Dae, are attracted to her. Yanag fights with the same ire and power anyone else would have done to protect her party entirely. She gets a magical axe that apparently washes her into an entirely new and powerful form only once every game.

(Finn frowns, tilting his head curiously. "You made Edith into a magical girl?"

Doe blinks and for a moment, Finn shudders when his own eyes meet his. "Yeah. Is that what that's called? Coolio.")

Yanag saves and romances a woman with every town they go to, but it raises questions when she seems to deny their affections, just as its suspicious how black tar-like veins seem to spread on her the more she uses this power.

Wulf: A human ranger called Bob Greenson. Your average, typical human man who just so happens to believe in fate and adventure! He shall charm everyone and fight the good battles!

("So." Ava squinted and Edith tried to not smile. "He's playing as himself...but a human man?" Her question seemed to get a rough snort out of Edith and a slight nudge of the shoulders. "Aye, but 'tis what makes the man happy I suppose.")

Of course, Bob is on a strict mission to product review as many weapons as he possibly can for his company, Weap'n'throw, while perhaps finding a few good spots to camp out for the ol' family? How's it goin' neighbour? Sure there are some sale issues, what with everyone wanting to murder Bob, but what sales pitch doesn't come with a bit of haggling, hm? With his mighty band of sales assistants, please speak to Chester on aisle three for magical trumpets!

Adonai: Dungeon Master! It's a relief to be themselves and to still be able to interact with the games and everyone else. Doe was worried at first that they would have been left out while everyone got to be something different. They would have joined, but the idea of yet again forming a whole new identity, trying to find the balance and shifts...it sounded exhausting. They couldn't handle it.

Ava patted them and told Doe that they didn't need to be someone. They could think up the scenarios and risks and Joys. It wasn't often that they got an opportunity to take over and simply have fun with risking Mimi's life or trying to create romantic scenarios between Edith and Ava. Doe takes great pleasure in being the DM and it isn't uncommon for them to modify their body for certain campaigns.

Lace: A half-elf wizard named Elvish Presley (Everyone groans. Mahogany weeps. Edith demotes her Valkyrie ways. Sal becomes a nun.) Elvish is interested in learning all sources of magic and why their world works. Is there anything connecting them all? A reason for them being here? Elvish is determined to find out, no matter what the cost...mostly of himself though.

Whether he admits that he wouldn't allow his team to get hurt or not, that is entirely Elvish's thoughts and feelings alone. Quick! Put that healing spell away! We can't let these people know that we feel and yearn! But little does Elvish Presley know, everyone is aware that he is a giant nerd with a giant heart that weeps when Bonar rescues him from the angry orgre who's wagon dealership they ruined in a quest.

Dae: A dragonborn ranger named Torpa Armani who dreams of becoming a famous writer-

("Th-that's bas-basically what y-you do anywh-anyway." Morde squints as Wulf grins while Dae flushes and shakes his head. It's a weak argument, to hear your clone try and deny the elaborate romance novels he writes about his friends.)

-But! Sometimes you just get whisked away onto wild and heart melting adventures. Its hard to ignore how good it deeps to help other people with their problems. It seems that Torpa may just be finding out that there's more to life than romance or tragedy books for them. Especially if they seem so insistent on carrying a weapon and being willing to put their trust and faith within other people once more after being outcasted for who and what they are.

Peach: A tiefling ranger named Puddles Skipclear. Puddles was once a water nymph, but had been cursed into a more physical form that didn't allow her to touch water. She is bound to dry lands until Puddles is able to break her curse. Unfortunately, Puddles doesn't even seem to know what curse bounds her and changes her for possibly forever.

(Morde is quiet for a moment, not meeting his clone's eyes guilt makes his eyes and body dim and slouch. Dae does the same towards Mordecai and everyone tries to ignore the guilt that isn't there's suddenly shifting around the room.)

She likes the people she has chosen to travel with. They're silly and their quests don't always work out, but they're honest in helping Puddles and she wants to trust in them when they say that they will help her remove her curse. They're all rather different from her water sisters that faded away and slipped out of Puddles' too physical fingers, but she's begun to have high hopes about what this mission could mean for her along the way.

Mordecai: Orc rogue named Vecivus Brogun, who is a well renewed theft despite his size. Parties could only dream of having him upon their sides. It's easy to steal things from countless people, but it's harder to steal the secrets. Especially when such a strange party seems to hold so many of these secrets. Some of them have simple ideas and wants, but others?

Oh, there's mystery to them and contrary to what others believe about orcs, Vec is far more easily aware and shifty than most. If only the others would realise these and help him out with a few gigs...after all, is it so bad to steal from a dragon if said dragon had so many riches that he would have hardly noticed if a few went missing?

[yourcoolfriendwithallthecandy]

OkCryptid

Ok so I found an amazing post about a dating app for our monster S. O.’s and since it’s ORCTOBER I was like YES I NEED THIS. So even though I’m in school. I still wanna do this. It’s rather short but it’s cute. And @thetravelerwrites​ and @thetravelerscompanion​ they wanted to be tagged. So here you go. I hope you all enjoy it too. 

Orctober- OkCryptid

You were sitting on the couch playing a game on your tablet while your daughter watched TV on a quiet Wednesday night, it was just the two of you. You were a single mom, a widow to be exact and your number one priority was always taking care of your daughter Anarra, who was 8, and when your husband had died about a year ago, he left you with quite the life insurance policies through work and a private policy which meant that you and your daughter were taken care of financially for many years to come. You had already gone back to school before he died and had gotten your license to be a massage therapist, so you already had your own business, working part time at a nearby salon that your best friend Dawn owned and you made your own hours and because you had incorporated yourself to make your own business, when your husband had died, it was easy to get health insurance for you and your daughter and because of his life insurance policies, you still didn’t need to work full time and you and your daughter could live very comfortably. You were lucky. 

But, you were also lonely. Granted you were no stranger to vibrators so your “needs” were mostly taken care of. But it’s just...not the same. You were a half elf and half human and your husband was mixed too, his father was half human and half orc while his mother was half human and half dwarf and he had turned out to simply look half human and half orc. And Anarra reflected all of that, she had your husbands blonde hair, compared to your dark auburn, your turquoise eyes and your shared fair skin tone, she was just as beautiful as you were at her age but she definitely had the more slender but very physically fit physique of an elf where as you were very voluptuous thanks to your human heritage. 

But lately, you just wanted...something more, it was fall, you missed cuddling on the couch under throw blankets and having date night with your husband and just...well... honestly you missed that good bone rattling sex where your husband would bend you over the kitchen island yank your pants and panties down to your knees, spread your legs, before sliding into you, grab your hips and pound into you from behind until you were sure you were going to break the god damn kitchen island! No vibrator could really do that. 

“Mom?” Anarra suddenly asked, pulling you out of your lewd thoughts. 

“Hmm?” Came your reply. 

“Are you gonna start dating again?” She asked which made you shake your head before you looked at her incredulously. 

“Why do ask? Do you want me to start dating again?” You asked. 

“Well, if you wanted to, I know you miss dad and I do too, but there’s lots of other kids that don’t have moms and you’re a really great mom and if any of those kids had a dad but not a mom and maybe they’re like us and their dad is a really great dad and together we could be a family, I'd be ok with that.” She offered and you wanted to burst into tears at her sweetness and thoughtfulness. 

“Ok, well if you’re ready, we could look together.” You offered before you got your phone out and downloaded OkCryptid and together you made a profile before you went through who you were matched up with already before you found a few profiles that looked good, you cross referenced them via Facebook, a few immediately became disqualified by some of the contents and pictures you found that they were tagged in before there was just a handful of possible options, two were just single guys, three were single dads, a human, an elf, and an orc. The human though was looking for an elf, the elf was also looking for an elf and the orc...judging by his kids, had been married to a human before because his two kids looked like half orc and half human to you but you couldn’t be sure but he was “open to anything" species wise. Within half an hour all three dads were in your inbox and a few of the single guys you had already disqualified who once they found out you were a mom, weren’t interested in being a father, but were interested in “hooking up with a hot milf” to which you politely declined. 

So you set up dates with all of the single fathers since they didn’t have any issue with you already having a child of your own, one Friday night, one Saturday night and the third on Sunday night, all at the same place. A famous trampoline park chain - since they all had kids. 

Friday came and it was the human up first. Daniel, father of two very rowdy, misbehaving, disrespectful, hellion boys. He was divorced and you could immediately tell why she left him, he just oozed self entitled asshole. He was disappointed and actually repulsed that you were curvy, thinking that because you were half elf, judging by your ears and features in your selfie, that you’d be skinny, but he seemed to make peace with it as he poked and prodded at your personal life and seemed especially keen on how much your husband’s life insurance policies were and if there was anything left or if “you had blown it all shopping for clothes and makeup” and when he asked about what you did for a living, he was thrilled then propositioned you for a “happy ending” massage which you promptly shut down and threatened to call the police because that was illegal which he backed off and backpedaled and apologized and said he was “only joking” and that you “need to lighten up”, yeah right. From there, all he cared about was how much you worked, how much you made, if you had a good credit score, if you had any STD’s, how clean you kept your house and how good of a cook you were and how good you were at laundry because he and his boys were “tough on clothes”. That date lasted a whole 30 minutes and was the longest 30 minutes of your life and you had hit the liquor store on the way home and even Anarra was relieved it wasn't going to work out because those boys were really rough in their play and it took an orc halfling who she was friends with to come over and tell them to go away and rescue her before he brought her over to play with his little sister who was a year younger than Anarra but the same size. 

Saturday, was the elf’s date, Althidon, he was also divorced, had nothing but condescending bullshit to say and had two very pretty girls who were the quintessential "mean popular girls" who you wanted to slap, he was disappointed you weren’t more elf like in body shape and the fact that you were half human made him turn his nose up at you and the fact that you worked “such a meanial job” that you “needed to be rescued from” because it was beneath anything that had any trace of elf blood in it because if an elf woman had to work- it should be something more “dignified” like a doctor- lawyer- ceo type since he was an architect himself and the fact that all the education you had was a highschool deploma and massage liscence, which he automatically assumed he knew more about your job than you did because “it couldn’t possibly be that hard” because he was “an intelectual” with a “top 3% IQ” and that you had never really “applied yourself” and were “hindered by your human half” but that was only after he inquired how much your late husband’s life insurance polices were and if you had spent it all yet, yeah- fuck no, there was no way in hell you were going to tell him something like that. That date lasted not even 20 minutes. Again, the longest 20 minutes of your life. 

By Sunday, you were beyond tired, beyond disheartened because they both had been in love with your face but repulsed by your body and obviously only thought you were worth their time if you were going to center your life around them or was a cash cow for them. No fucking thank you, you were going to be happy with your vibrators, you didn’t need this shit. You were about to delete the app because surely nothing good could come of it. All these guys wanted was to either hook up, or a fucking mother to take care of them and their little hellions. Ugh!

So with a heaving sigh you prepared yourself to meet with the last guy, Dektar. You showed up fifteen minutes early, got a drink and managed to slip a little bottle of cherry rum into your Dr. Pepper as you looked out of the corner of your eye as an orc was doing the same thing to his drink and you both noticed the other and recognized the other, you both had seen the other here before, but you always seemed to sit at opposite ends of the little cafe area when he wasn’t sitting in the massage chairs scattered throughout the rest of the trampoline park which the cafe area actually wasn’t that big, you kind of sort of knew him. He was Dex, he brought his boy and his girl here usually on Friday nights and stayed until glow night which was the last two hours the place was open on Fridays and you’ve actually been seeing him around for several months. His daughter was Talna, who was a year younger than Anarra but about the same size and his boy was Tark, they were actually really well behaved and played well with Anarra and the few times they had hurt themselves, you had been there with bandaids and neosporin and a kiss to the booboo to save the day because your own daughter was a little accident prone and you were always prepared which Dex was always grateful and appreciative of. 

“Long day?” He asked. 

“Very long weekend, you?” You asked as you nodded over to his drink and the face he made- made you giggle. 

“That bad huh?” You asked which he nodded emphatically to. 

“You?” He nodded over to you. 

“Oh, one of the worst I’ve had in awhile.” You said before you glanced up at the clock again. 

“Waiting for someone?” He asked. 

“Yeah, my date.” You answered. 

“Me too.” He nodded. 

“Really? Who are you waiting on?” You asked, curiously. 

“Brillianna Sarsys.” He answered as he looked at his phone again. 

“...Dektar Bruke?” You asked as you realized he actually was your date! He seemed to realize the same thing at the same time, relief clearly on his face. 

“Oh, hi,” He waived awkwardly before he got his stuff as you got your stuff and you met at a table in the middle. 

“Hi, I thought your name was Dex?” You recalled. 

“A lot of people can’t seem to pronounce it correctly, they think it’s Dexter so I’ve gone by Dex for decades now. And I thought your name was Bri- as in Brianna.” He chuckled in amusement. 

“Yeah, most people can’t get my name right either, it’s been Bri since elementary school, also decades.” You laughed. "Well let me just say I'm so happy and relieved that you're someone I kinda sorta know already." You laughed.

"Likewise. So what's made your weekend so bad and so long?" He asked curiously.

"Oh the other dates I've had this weekend. They were complete disasters. I got on OkCryptid because I've been a widow for a little over a year and my daughter basically gave me the go ahead that she was ready to move on so earlier this week, I made a profile and you were one of my matches.” You explained. 

“So the other matches weren’t great?” He guessed. 

“Oh my gods were they the worst! Uh the single guys I was matched up with only wanted to hook up, which I’m not into casual sex, I don’t have anything against others who are into that, it’s just not for me. Otherwise I’ve only gone on two other dates, the first was a human, who thought I was “exotic” because I was half elf but disappointed I was fat, he had two boys that I’m sure if I had to mother them, I’d break a belt or two whooping them because they were just the worst, really rough, really rude, really crude and basically bullys and I would put them on any domestic terrorist list and potential shooter list if I could.” You listed off. “And because I am a licensed massage therapist he of course was all about the “happy ending massage” which is propositioning which is illegal, I did actually call the cops on his ass.” You added as Dex looked both sickened and enraged. 

“Yuck.” Dex snarled in disgust. 

“I know right? So that was my Friday night. Saturday night I had a date with an elf, who was actually disgusted I was half human, thought my job was meaneal and beneath anything that had even a drop of elf blood running through its veins. He only seemed to care about how much my husband’s life insurance policies were and his daughters were literally mini “mean popular girls” who I would again- slap their mouths off if I had to mother them. So yeah, lovely weekend.” You quipped sarcastically. “My week was actually just fine, just the last two days have been particularly awful.” You explained before you took a long sip of your spiked Dr. Pepper. “So how has your week been?” You asked. 

“Oh, just as awful, I also had two dates, but I didn’t bring them here, we went out to eat. The first was a single woman who thought she knew how to parent my kids better than me and had nothing but opinions about how I was raising my kids all wrong because even though she has no kids herself she has a degree in it apparently.” He began as you grimaced. 

“Yikes.” You hissed. “I hate that don’t you? When people who don’t have kids, usually aren’t even married feel they’re qualified to give advice? Or the people whose kids are the worst, think they’re the perfect parent.” You offered. 

“Yes! It drives me up the wall! Now I have seen the way you are with your daughter and she’s awesome so obviously you’re doing something right, I think it’s probably the fact that you’re willing to actually discipline her.” He ventured. 

“Oh very much so and I’ve noticed your kids are really well behaved too, I’d think I’d be safe to assume you do too.” You returned as he grinned proudly. 

“I’ve been known to get after them when the occasion arises.” He nodded in confirmation. 

“So was that it or was there more?” You asked before he rolled his eyes and shook his head before taking a long pull from his drink too. 

“I wish I could say yes but sadly no, I’ve been on OkCryptid for three months and so far it really hasn’t worked out, most women just want to hook up or if they are looking for a relationship, they don’t want kids or especially if they have careers, they don’t want to give that up which I get it, some women have the “mom chip” and some don’t and if you don’t- don’t have kids but they’re usually “overwhelmed” by my situation, which I can empathize with, because I have a difficult situation to deal with. Going into a family with kids can be overwhelming.” He explained. “Honestly you were my last attempt, if it wasn’t going to work with you, I was going to delete the app and just try dating the old fashioned way, actually what’s funny is if you had not been well... you I my plan was to ask you out this Friday when I saw you again.” He confessed. 

“Aww, that’s sweet and I would have been open to that.” You admitted. “Also, wow you’ve been on there for 3 months? I can’t imagine sticking it out that long. I’ve only been on there a week and I’m ready to throw in the towel.” You admitted. 

“Yeah, well it’s kind of...well...a coincidence that we’re in similar situations, we’re both widowed, both with kids and just both of us looking for a decent parent because I was in the same boat as you, it wasn’t until my kids suggested I get back into the dating game before I did.” He ventured. 

“It is a coincidence. And I don’t have to tell you that as a parent you’re ready and willing to do whatever it takes to take care of your children and protect them yet teach them at the same time and while I’m sure you’re probably just as lonely as I can be sometimes, you’ll put up with it and endure it because you need to be picky about who and what is around and influencing your children and you should be guarded, they’re great kids and they need to be protected.” You insisted and he looked at you like you were the most amazing being in the universe. And before you knew it, you were both leaning forward across the table and talking like you were long lost best friends and this felt so natural and it was so easy to talk to each other and actually shared some of the deeper parts of yourselves with each other and come to find out, his wife was a human orc halfling, she had been an absolute sweetheart and been such a great mom and cancer had come out of nowhere and by the time she started showing signs she was sick, it was too late and they couldn’t save her and it had absolutely devastated the family. 

You shared that your husband had gone for a motorcycle ride and a driver didn’t see him and changed lanes and side swiped him and pushed him into a cement barrier on the highway and even though he had been wearing a helmet and an armored motorcycle jacket and every piece of safety gear possible, it wasn’t enough. And he didn’t press or even hint at wanting to know how much you had gotten in life insurance policies, he was simply content and happy in the knowledge that you were taken care of and doing well and able to stand on your own two feet. 

You quickly exchanged phone numbers to keep in touch and made plans for a second date and when he kissed you right before you parted, it stole your breath away. 

Ok, so OkCryptid was actually amazing.

[wonderfromdownunder96]

"Where's Rouge Now?" (My Version)

Note:

This was originally a Deviantart picture blog thing from 2010, made by D.A. member Gregarlink10. I've basically done my own take on it. I know that we're currently in the year 2019, but some of the things I added that he didn't are written to sound like it would've been written in the same year as the original.

Here is a link to the original version:

Anyway, on with the blog.

Why isn't Rouge The Bat in Sonic games anymore? 

Here are some possible reasons:

1. She's A Bad Example For Kids:                      As Rouge generally goes around trying to steal jewelry - especially the Master Emerald - children, being impressionable and easily influenced, will see it and might think it's a fun, harmless thing to do, because they don't know any better due to their gullible, naive nature. This possibly could have led to some of the burglars and thieves we have in society today. Good job, Sega. Good job(!) No wonder your flagship franchise is seen as a garbage dump nowadays.

2. No Dramatic/Interesting Past/Backstory:        Let's take Knuckles for example; he was given the position as guardian of The Master Emerald, which is further detailed in Sonic Adventure 1, shedding light on the Echidna tribe and Tikal, Knuckles' ancestors. In addition, Shadow had arguably the most dramatic and interesting backstory out of every Sonic character to date, having been, in his own words "A research experiment gone deadly wrong" (As said in his own game from 2005), holding a grudge against humanity, but warming to them later on. Rouge, on the other hand, hardly has any sort of backstory. It's just "I'm gaga about jewels, I wear makeup, la-de-da-de-daaaaaa."!

3. Deep Manly Voice: Specifically, the voice of actress Kathleen Delaney, who first voiced her in the Sonic X anime, and continues to voice her in the games to this day, but mostly in spin-offs, such as Sonic Rivals 2. Some people say she makes the bat sound pretty manly for a female animal, and go as far as saying she sounds like a hooker, adding to the "Bad Example for kids" section. Totally a fantastic way to promote woman to innocent minors, Sega(!)

4. She Has Big Boobs: Indeed, great for milf material. This goes back to her being a bad example for kiddies; For boys, if they arn't keen of the breast size, they'd likely grow up thinking they will meet girls, or worse, end up with girlfriends that have that breast size! As for girls, they might be worried that they, themselves, will end up growing boobs that same size as they get older. Oof...😫 But for either gender, they could think that literally every woman has boobies the same size as Rouge!!

5. No Super Form: Almost every Sonic critter has a super form of sorts; Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Shadow, Silver, Blaze etc. Not Rouge. Granted, not literally every character in the Sonic franchise needs a superform, but in my opinion, if more of them did, Rouge included, they'd be that bit more useful.

6. Many Change Of Clothes:

It's been said by a small amount of YouTubers and Deviantart members that the reason the Bat Girl got re-designed in Sonic Heroes was because Sega got letters from parents complaining about a "sexy" or "obscene" character in a game for their kids and demanding they tone her down. I personally haven't come across any official sources that say this, so I don't know whether or not this is true. 

[shadzennjakereak]

Thoughts of a vulnerable man and well, it’s my life story. Kinda

~~So to lead this off, this was a mostly comprised as a message I would send to my closest friend. But well, for archival purposes I wanted to leave this here on my dead af Tumblr account because, well that is what I use it for afterwards. So if some things read somewhat oddly, it is probably due to it being written as a letter in sorts for someone.~~

------ Well... hm.... I'll hit on the major things kinda like I have when I have done therapy in the past. So uh... when shad was a young boy, roughly around 10, I was at a mom's side family Christmas party and me and my female cousin of the same age, Erin, was playing around. Another cousin of mine, whos name I forget, was roughly 15 years old brought us to the basement and pretty much tried to make us fuck. So yes, I was partially molested as a child, LUCKILY my young brain kinda knew this was not normal and grabbed my brother, while im fully naked, and well he got involved and stopped it. However the entire family outside of the immediate, sided with my older cousin and well my family got cut out of my mother's side. As for Father's side, well they are all in Maryland so I have never met them.

Now fast forward a few years, im a shy kid whatever nothing much happens. We get into Highschool where I have my friend group and this one girl I'm hard crushing on who so happens to be my closest friend. Her name was Micky, very weird girl, always cosplaying and well... Everyone assumed we were dating because well even at school we were always like cuddling and shit, HOWEVER we never did. She pretty much had a sugar daddy the entire time and the one time I knew in Senior year that she was single, I asked her out and well, was rejected and pretty from there we stopped interacting. So I not only lost my closest friend, but also well felt the pain of rejection of the one who I was in love with.

Now suddenly in highschool I'm desperate to get laid after getting rejected and well, turn to craigslist, find a milf who takes my virginity, cool. While that was very vanilla it was a fun learning experience. I did know my baseline kinks at this point. I kinda immediatly learned all that early into my life. Highschool was easy going more or less. I had great grades without trying much and looked decent, despite only having a singular relationship, back in 8th grade, at this point so I kinda never had that confidence in me. Hm... well highschool passes and I reject a couple small scholarships for wrestling because I'm an idiot. I enroll into Eastern Michigan University.

This would be my first time away from home pretty much ever and adulting for myself. It went terribly. This is what broke me and has been the root of my mental issues. I went to some classes, did fine, but this mother fucking Friday 2-d art class was from 8am - 6pm. I was going for a computer graphics animation degree which I absolutely love to this day, but well I despise drawing and that was all this class was. I hated it so much and couldn't even wake up for it that I stopped going. I got scared of how my parents would react and hid this information until the very end of the semester where they found out. I failed that class and another due to attendance (despite having an A in the class itself).

I agreed with my parents to retake those two courses. I did, but immediatly into I fell back into the slump. I was alone again, only person close to me was Dra, my roommate. My friends from highschool never contacted me, and I ignored family. I was utterly alone so I decided to attempt to take my life. Due to a miracle Dra was there and prevented this. So I lived. However as the year went on I grew scared and frightful of going home, so I ran. I decided to work at Cedar Point which is in Ohio and has on-boarding rooms. So I went there without telling my parents why.

Eventually my father would gank me at Cedar Point and I told him everything that happened. He was just disapointed, but happy to at least talk to me again for the first time in honestly 1.5years. While I was working there I made close friends, as Dra also worked here and I met others. I at least started to feel some happiness again since leaving highschool. I had one relationship with  a girl while working there. It kinda ended due to her not accepting my kinks when I told her. I also had another girl who was interested in me, but she refused to date me because she didn't want to do Long Distance once we stopped working at Cedar Point for the season. Well, Cedar Point closed at the end of October for the 2016 season. I had to go back home.

I go back home with my family and just bum there. I am not looking for a job or looking to go back to class. I was only playing games, eating, and sleeping. Eventually my father got sick of my shit and got me a temp job at his workplace at the end of December of that year. I worked there for a month helping reorganize files for the Human Resources department to help them with their acquistion of another company. At the end of January 2017, they offered me a full-time job as a Human Resources Intern. I had no interest... but my father convinced me to take the job as a way to get paid schooling down the line. So I accepted.

Throughtout the year I do what I can, but my emotional state is all sorts of fucked. I am working a 8-5 job that is an hour away. I am not a morning person as you know. I wake up around 6am every day for this job and well, my body cant handle it. I got into a major car accident on my way home from work one day. I luckily had no injuries nor the person I hit, but my car got totalled. I continue working. I do what I can, but one of the woman I worked under hated my work. She was always critiquing me, giving me bs tasks to do, and just never really letting me feel like I do decent work, and never teaching me anything. I had no prior experience or education for this job for christs' sake! She wares down on my mental regularly.

It wasn't much better at home. My mother constantly is yelling at me to lose weight, that I look like shit, I need to take care of myself, I need to go back to school. She never complimented me. So my own Mother and this woman at work were 2 devils in my ears that broke me down more and more everyday with nowhere safe to hide. It destroyed me. However Acri comes along and says "Hi, here's Kelsey" around July of 2017. This was my first real girlfriend. Things were happy and great at first. She helped me with my mental and so on. However you know how her story arc goes.

Now back at work, it was October 2016. I get into another car accident after falling asleep while driving into work. I was right outside of the office when this happened, so everyone there knew this was happening. I get this taken care of with the police and the report. I go into my dad's office to avoid people as he offered to, and would let me file the insurance stuff. But, the woman who berated me regulary came knocking on the office door and saying "Hello? You ever going to come to your desk and actually do work today?" This is when I break... I shut the door on her and text my dad to come back asap. I tell him what happened and he agrees to fire me for unemployment benefits. I am unemployed yet again.

I go for most of October and November jobless. I eventually pick a job up at Panera Bread in December of 2017. I am still dating Kelsey, and we have met IRL a few times now. She despises my family due to a few stupid disputes. She refuses to hear rhyme or reason and just hates them without compromise. However working at Panera was nice. I met a lot of people there and was working evening shifts, so I had a regular sleep schedule that wouldn't cause driving accidents. While working there I need to leave home, my mother is still berating me and tearing me apart at home. I start looking into an apartment, and while doing so, Kelsey insists she needs to leave her home state of Pennsylvania. I feel like we are ready to move in together thinking things were okay. I settled on in apartment in June 2018.

After taking a week off, I move into the aprtment myself with my parents help, and Kelsey shortly after. My parents and kelsey had a major argument at this point. My parents insisted on having the apartment key to tidy up things while I spent the weekend driving to PA to move Kelsey's shit, and Kelsey despised this idea as anything my parents did was evil in her eyes. So they argued and argued. My mom also eventually would find my sex toy in my room back home and we had a major argument about those. She would call me the Devil's child and we never would really be on "friendly" terms again.

Well after moving Kelsey into my new apartment, I realize the mistake I made. She is useless as a human being. She does nothing to help around the apartment. I am working full time and the only one capable of driving. Kelsey would sit home and do nothing but eat and game. She did no chores, and if I asked her to, she would yell at me. We had no sex life either. She strung me along making me act like a father, driving her where she needed to go, buying her groceries, doing chores at home. I sacrificed everything and would never recieve anything in return. She eventually would break up with my at the start of February 2019. I was destroyed, but this was thankfully something that had to happen. While I was destroyed and heavily suicidal again, I eventually recovered and started going to therapy. Also mind you Kelsey was blaming me for things, she was saying how I needed to get better, how I was the lazy one, how I didn't do enough to make her happy.

So after about 2 weeks of devestation, I start recovering thanks to Acri and Nevan. They help me through this time, but I am however still stuck living with Kelsey for about 4 more months. She already has a new boyfriend. That, is oddly suspicious, but fine whatever. I play nice, I keep being Kelsey's father but I refuse to do any more cooking for her. She at the very least must feed herself. She starts to claim I'm abusing her and enjoy watching her suffer. March of 2019 she decides to have her new boyfriend visit. I am so against this and tell them to get a hotel room. Kelsey says they cant for a whole week, which was how long he was staying. We compromise on them having a hotel for the initial weekend, then they sleep on the couch of the apartment for the rest of the duration. Well this happens and I mostly just ignore them during this shit. Her new boyfriend, who was named in discord as, Dragon Daddy, finally leaves.

The following month Kelsey goes out to visit him, I finally have a week away from Kelsey. I feel great and so on. She eventually comes back, we get into more arguments on the regular. She eventually disappears randomly at the start of June 2019. The last month of the apartment. She is gone without saying anything and barely taking anything of hers. She doesn't respond to me for a days. I'm somewhat concerened but fine whatever. She eventually says she is gone and not coming back. She left her shit here though. Near the start of July I come back home from work. The apartment is TRASHED, about 50% of her stuff is gone. I guess she came by and took it without a word. She doesn't respond to messages. I move out in July and into a new apartment the following month.

Kelsey reaches out again and is asking to get the security deposit for our apartment, which I personally fully paid for. I tell her no and she has no claim to it. We argue about it until I block her because I refuse to deal with it. We packed the things she left at my apartment into boxes and send her a message that says she has one month to give us a shipping address or else it is all going into the trash. She responds with "Never contact me again, I refuse to talk to Jacob due to his abuse of me." I have not heard from her since.

And now we move onto the new stuff. I did start a new job in November of 2018 at Potbelly. It was nicer than Panera due to a lighter work load. And my life is starting to go up. I was recieving therapy which helped and eventually had to stop due to insurance not allowing more sessions. But I'm on an up trend. Things are going well, 13Noobz roster was going well until that exploded, so we talked and decided to find Lost Collective. It has its issues, but I am proud of it. And Due to LCST I have made wonderful new friends, and well of course Tay, being the best. I honestly do love you, and I'm happy to have met you and hope Acri makes you happy, as you deserve it. And of course everyone that has joined my Discord has been wonderful, and due to living with Brian, me and him have rekindled our brotherly bonds.

Of course I'm not perfect, especially mentally and physically. I don't look great, I still have depression, which definetly spikes up in Winter (seasonal depression). But, well, for now at the very least I can say I'm content with my life. I have friends who actually care about me for the first time, well ever. Acri has also recently come back into my life majorly which is nice. So I have my solid foundation of Nevan, Tay, and Acri. The 3 people closest to me. And of course I love interacting with the others. I just, well am not use to this. I haven't had friends since highschool, and definetly not ones who are as close to me as I am close to them. It's nice to have my own love and affection for my friends be returned in full.

[chunmakowski3-blog]

blonde milf cream pie - What Everybody Dislikes About Free Mature Stripping And Why

My girlfriend and I went to a lingerie party on Valentine's day. It was hosted by a friend of hers who has always been a bit wild. Candice and I met in college and have been dating exclusively for five years. She keeps hinting that she wants to get married, and lately the hints are less subtle and more, "oh lets go check out these engagement rings in this jewelry store." I definitely love her and I'm sure she's the one, and I've bought a ring. I just haven't popped the question yet. In college we were both kind of nerdy and overweight. When she got a job right out of school, she made some new friends who convinced her to start dieting and exercising. She lost 40 lbs. Her waist shrank, but her boobs stayed pretty big. I'm not complaining, because I get to play with them every day. She also started experimenting with makeup more, and bleached her hair blond. I noticed all the changes and it made me self conscious so I joined the gym too. I've lost 30 lbs and I've put on a lot of muscle, but I got a later start and its been a bit slower for me. So Candice has gone from like a 6 to (no lie) an absolute 10, and I've gone from a 5 to maybe a 7.5. Candice started telling people to call her Candy, so now I feel like I'm dating a porn star. I don't mind this. It's great to have a really hot girlfriend. I'm horny all the time, just being around her, and our sex life is off the charts. Seriously, multiple times a day, so I'm not complaining. It's just kinda weird that we were just two geeky kids who played video games together, and only fooled around once in a while. And now we're like a sexual dynamo. It's pretty awesome. So yea, I was planning on popping the question some time soon. But, now I'm not so sure. As I said, the valentine's party was lingerie themed. Most guys wore silk boxers and satin robes. Some guys went with thongs, but I wasn't that adventurous. The girls all wore sexy lingerie. Mostly satin or lace, but not totally revealing. Some were a bit see through, which the guys sure didn't mind. Candy wore a valentine themed pink and white negligee with hearts on it. She looked gorgeous. It was lacy, but not completely see through. It accented her cleavage nicely. She put on a lot of eye makeup, more than usual. "Why don't you doll yourself up that much for me?" I asked teasingly. "Well, if you like it, then I might," she said with a wink and a kiss. I was wearing white silk boxers with red hearts, so my boner was pretty obvious. I had a difficult time all night trying to keep it down with all the lovely girls in lingerie walking around. Candy teased me about it a lot. Candy's friend is Cozy. Yes, that's her real name. She's the one from Candy's work that got her to get into shape and change her style. So in that way, she's been a good influence. But Cozy is also kind of wild. Candy goes out on girls' nights with her and her friends, about once a month, and last year they took a trip to Vegas, no boys allowed. I wasn't happy, but Candy promised me she would behave, and I trusted her, so I wasn't worried. Cozy's boyfriend Dale is a nice guy. He's tall and muscular and has a chiseled jaw like someone who would be a protagonist in a video game. Definitely not the kind of guy I would've hung around with in college. But he's very friendly and has a great sense of humor. He was wearing a banana hammock at the party, but he has the body to pull it off, and the package to fill it as well. I caught Candy eyeing has package more than once and I teased her about it. She blushed and rolled her eyes and said, "Well, you can't blame me. He's pretty hot." I had to reluctantly agree. When we first arrived at the party, Cozy greeted us at the door. She was wearing a red shimmery bra and panty set, with stockings and high heels. The panties had a frilly skirt, and the bra was sheer enough you could clearly see her nipples. Cozy's hair was also bleached platinum blond. I have no idea what her original hair color was, but it looked good on her. She gave Candy a warm hug and a kiss on the lips. They do that every time they meet. Usually she just gives me a hug, but this time she gave me a kiss too. A quick one, but it was enough to make my candycane twitch. Dale came by and shook my hand and gave Candy a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She smiled a little too brightly, I noticed. Cozy gave me a little heart brooch and gave Candy a little dragonfly brooch. "Ok, what you do, you walk around and chat with people like the lovely social butterflies that you are. The person you think has the best outfit, you ask them for a kiss and then clip the brooch onto their outfit. See it clips on easily just like that. So the girl who has the most hearts and the boy who has the most dragonflies wins." "That seems easy enough," I said. "Ooh, this will be fun!" Candy exclaimed with excitement. We both got a drink, which they were calling a Screaming Orgasm. Tasted good. I just sipped mine because I didn't want to get toasted. Then we mingled. All the people were very friendly. I didn't know anyone there, but apparently Candy knew many of them from her girls' night outs. She would hand her drink to me and give them a big hug and kiss. She often knew the girl's boyfriend too. Some she would just hug, but some got a quick kiss on the lips as well, which surprised me a bit. But I was feeling warm from the alcohol, and it was a jovial atmosphere, so I thought nothing of it. Most of the people had very sexy outfits. I had a hard time deciding who to give my heart pin to, but there was one girl whose outfit was basically a big satin bow. I can't even remember her name, but I asked for a kiss. She said, "Ok, pin it on me first." I had a bit of fun clipping it to her outfit right on her breast. I was feeling adventurous, so I took her in my arms and dipped her and gave her a nice sloppy kiss. She stuck her tongue in my mouth and I went with it. When we were done, she was blushing. Candy slapped me on my ass and said, "Good boy!" and the girl's boyfriend laughed. Candy wasn't as eager to make a decision, but she had a lot of guys coming up to her asking for a kiss. I wouldn't say she had the sexiest outfit, or even the most revealing, but I guess it was less about rating her outfit and more just wanting to kiss the person wearing it. I couldn't blame them. She was definitely smoking hot that evening. So I spent the next hour or so holding her drink, while guy after guy pinned hearts to her bosom and then snogged her. And I don't mean just a kiss. I mean they made out with her for a good two or three minutes. I had a hard time not getting hard just watching it. Candy was definitely getting into it, and usually gave them a pat on the butt afterwards. A couple times she patted my crotch and said "Down boy." This made quite a few girls giggle. Pretty soon Candy had a whole row of hearts lined up along the décolletage of her nightie. But she still hadn't given her dragonfly pin away yet. "Well, have you decided who you will give the dragonfly to?" I asked. "Oh! I totally forgot." She had it pinned to the strap of her negligee, so she took it off and started looking around. Her eyes landed on Dale, and she smiled and walked over to him. "Can I have a kiss, sugar?" she asked. Dale smiled warmly. "Well, of course darlin'." Candy knelt down to pin the dragonfly to his thong, which already had so many on it, it looked like a nest of dragonflies. She had a hard time finding an open spot. I saw her bite her lip as she stared at his huge silk covered package. She pulled his thong out a bit to pin the dragonfly to it and I swear she took a little peak down it. Then she stood and Dale took her in his arms and kissed her passionately. She melted in his arms and they made out for a couple minutes. I don't know if it was longer than the others, but it sure felt like it. As I was watching them, I got a shock when someone grabbed my cock from behind me. "Enjoying the party, are we?" I recognized Cozy's voice. I half turned to look at her, and she kept holding onto my hard cock, with a mischievous grin on her face. "Don't grab it if you're not going to finish the job," I said playfully. She let go and leaned in to whisper, "I just might," and then walked away. When I turned back, Candy and Dale weren't kissing anymore, but they were chatting and giggling. "Do you two need to be alone?" I quipped, a little sardonically. Candy looked at me and rolled her eyes. "No! Silly." I could tell she was blushing. She walked back over to me and put her arms around me. "Don't be jealous. It's not attractive," she whispered to me. I gave her butt a quick spank and then kissed her neck and she cooed. "Ok, it looks like we have two winners," Cozy announced. "Candy and Dale clearly have the most brooches. I'll tell you what you both won, later this evening." People clapped and congratulated them, some with enthusiasm. "How do we get more brooches so we can get another kiss?" asked a guy. Everyone laughed. "Well, you'll just have to ask them for a kiss yourself," Cozy told him. "The brooches were just an icebreaker. Now you can do whatever you want. Or whomever." People chuckled. "Let the party begin." The thought of asking some of these girls for a kiss seemed pretty appealing. But then I was worried they would say no, so I chickened out at first. Other guys didn't have that problem, because it wasn't long before one came up to Candy to ask for another kiss, and she happily obliged. At this point it didn't phase me anymore, but it did give me the courage to go up to a pretty girl standing beside her hunky boyfriend and ask for a kiss. She smiled and rolled her eyes and said, "ok," and I took her in my arms and snogged her for about a minute. I could feel her boyfriend's eyes on me, so I didn't push it. She put her arms back around him and I took that as my clue to walk away. When I made my way back to Candy, she was kissing a different guy now. I stood there, not wanting to interrupt, feeling a bit awkward so I looked around for another girl. There was a cute petite blond in the corner, so I walked up to her and asked for a kiss, but she smiled and shook her head, so I shrugged and turned around. Candy, now unoccupied, watched me walk back to her. "Shot down?" she asked. I nodded. "Aww, that's ok honey. Here, I'll give you a kiss." Candy slid her arms around my neck and we snogged for a while. It was familiar, of course, because I was kissing my girlfriend, but also slightly different, due to the atmosphere of the party. She made me feel like I had scored with a hottie. "Anyone want to do body shots?" someone called out from another room. We followed the voice and there was a girl laying on the table. A guy would pour liquor into her belly button, then guys and also girls would suck and lick it out, and then kiss the girl. I stepped up, and did the shot. It was Baileys I think. I had fun licking the girl's belly button and then gave her a sexy kiss. She kissed back eagerly, with lots of tongue. Candy did it as well, which was pretty sexy. I hadn't seen her tongue kiss a girl before, but she seemed very comfortable doing it. After a while the girl climbed blonde milf boobs off the table and the guy said, "Hey, Candy, why don't you take her place?" This was met with cheers. Candy climbed onto the table and pulled up her nightie to expose her belly. Guys and girls lined up to suck shots out of her belly button and kiss her. They started to get creative, pouring liquor on her thighs and letting the guy lick it up. One guy wanted to lick it up from her cleavage, but she didn't want to get her nightie wet. "Well, just take it off!" the guy suggested. She smiled and blushed and said "ok" and sat up to pull off her negligee. This made the whole room cheer. She handed it to me, and laid back down. The guy poured shots between her breasts and people were licking it off and kissing her. Each guy got more adventurous and soon they were licking and sucking on her nipples. Girls were too, which she seemed to enjoy just as much. Watching all this gave me a boner that wouldn't go down. Then someone shouted "Cooter shots!" and everyone cheered. Before I knew it, Candy was pulling off her panties and handing them to me. My heart started pounding. It felt surreal. People started pouring the shot down her pussy and licking it off, which quickly led to full on cunnilingus in front of everyone. I think someone noticed the shock on my face, because a girl leaned in to my ear and said, "Don't worry. She's an old hat at these." Watching my girlfriend getting eaten out by guys and girls was an interesting experience. I looked around and the crowd in the room was starting to thin a bit as people started pairing off and losing clothing, and others said their goodbyes and left. In the chairs and couches, there were naked bodies in twos and threes. When I saw a girl giving head to a guy, who I'm pretty sure was not her boyfriend, I knew the party had taken a turn. It's like a switch had been flipped. Candy climbed off the table and said, "I need to go to the bathroom." She kissed me and headed off down the hall. I overheard a guy say, "That Candy is so damn sexy." "You should have seen her in Vegas," a girl replied. I tried to listen to hear more of their conversation, but the music and ambient noise of the room drowned them out. I really had an urge to find a hot girl to play around with, but I figured Candy would be coming right back and I didn't know what she wanted to do next, stay or leave. I stood there, holding her nightie and panties, and then decided I didn't want to wait, afraid of what she might be doing when I wasn't looking. I walked down the hall and knocked on the bathroom door. "Come in," she said. As I opened the door I half expected her to be down on her knees giving some guy a blow job. But she was just wiping herself down in the mirror. When she saw me, she smiled and ran up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss. "Are you having fun?" she asked. I nodded. "Are you?" "Ohmygod, I'm having such a great time." She practically beamed. "I'm so glad you're here." "It was a bit surprising seeing people lick your pussy like that." She bit her lip and rolled her eyes. "Yea, they kinda got carried away. You didn't mind, did you?" "Nah, not really I guess. I just wasn't expecting to see that tonight." She looked at me and hesitated. "Yea... You know... This could be a good time for us to experiment a little bit. Expand our horizons. Really get to know each other, if you know what I mean." I thought I did, but I wanted to hear it from her. "Um, I think. Can you be more specific?" "Well, we could give each other a hall pass, just for tonight. To do whatever we want. And not have it affect our relationship. Tomorrow, things go back to normal. But tonight, we can have a little fun. What do you say?" I cleared my through, giving myself a little time to think. "Well, I think you might have a bit more fun that I will." She made a cute little frown. "Why do you say that?" "Well you seem to be very popular with this crowd. Much more popular than I am." "That's not true," she tried to deny, but I just stared at her. "Ump, well, are you saying you don't want to?" "I dont know. You do, clearly." She gave a little nod, and looked at me with big doe eyes. "And I don't really want to leave your side tonight, to go looking for someone to play with. I'd rather stay with you. I'd feel more comfortable." Candy nodded. "I understand. I don't want us to separate either. How about...You give me a hall pass tonight, and then you can have one later, for whatever you want. Does that seem fair?" I caught my breath. My heart was pounding and it felt like it was leaping up into my throat. I pondered the possibilities. "Anything I want?" "Well, within reason. We can discuss it. But, yea." "And what do you want to do tonight?" "I don't know. We can see where the night leads. Maybe nothing. Maybe everything." Candy grinned at me mischievously. That wanton smile always made me aroused and she knew it. She bit her lip and traced her finger across my chest, down my abs, and grabbed my crotch, which was fully hard at that point. She started stroking my cock through the silk boxers, which felt amazing. She smiled wider and pulled my boxers down and kept stroking my bare sausage. She knelt down and slipped her lips over the head of my serpent and began sucking. Candy is amazing at giving blowjobs, and she had gotten increasingly better in the past year. At that moment it occurred to me why that might be, but I didn't want to think about that. The door opened and a girl walked in. "Oh! Excuse me. I didn't realize it was occupied." Candy pulled her head back off my throbbing rod and said, "Come in. Don't mind us," then went back to sucking with vigor. The girl said, "ok," and shuffled past us, pulled down her panties and sat on the toilet and peed. I found that very hot, and she was beautiful. When she was done and wiping herself, Candy asked her, "You want a taste?" The girl smiled and knelt down beside her and Candy passed her my dick, and she began sucking me too. It was the hottest thing I had ever experienced. They took turns sucking me until I erupted and sprayed pearly droplets on both their faces and tongues. Then they turned and kissed each other, sharing my cum between them. This was totally surreal for me. I had known Candice for nearly six years, and now she's acting like the hottest pornstar I could imagine. The girl stood up and I kissed her fiercely. I could taste the semen on her lips, but I was so sexually amped up, I didn't care. She left and Candy kissed me too. She held up my boxers with a smirk and said, "I'm keeping these." She took my hand and led me out of the bathroom, both of us naked. The party had thinned out quite a bit, but there were still many people lounging around. Candy saw Cozy and said to me, "Go get us some drinks," then went to talk to her. I got us a couple more Screaming Orgasms while Candy and Cozy conspired together, glancing over at me while they did. I walked over to them and Cozy said, "So Candy says you are ready to party." Cozy reached out and grabbed my junk, which twitched in her dainty hand. Candy was grinning evilly. "That's good, because I need to tell her and Dale what they have won." This made me apprehensive. A knot formed in my stomach, but my cock hardened to the point it nearly hurt. She flicked her thumb over my pee hole, which was oozing from the previous ejaculation and then stuck her thumb in her mouth to taste it. "Both of you come with me." We followed her as she went to find Dale. "Dale, my love. Your prize, should you choose to accept it, is one hour with tonight's other winner, that being Candy, of course." My heart sank and I felt like someone had just punched me in my gut. I was hoping he would choose not to accept it, but part of me was curious to see what would happen. I looked up and down his chiseled form and eyed his massive package in that tiny banana hammock, and I dreaded what he would do with my girlfriend, and possible fiancee. Of course, he smiled and said, "Let's party." I didn't even need to guess at Candy's response. She giggled, smiled brightly and jumped into his arms. She was blushing so deeply, I felt a sharp pang of jealousy. "I can keep you company, while they have their fun," Cozy said to me. "Oh, he has to be able to watch. We aren't separating tonight," Candy chimed in. "Is that ok?" she looked up to Dale as he towered over her. "Sure no, problem." Dale gave a charming smile which made me both hate and like him more. The four of us went up the stairs to the master bedroom. Cozy sat me down in a cushie chair, while Dale sat Candy down on the bed. He pulled his thong off, and his gargantuan anaconda sprang up. Candy's eyes went wide. For the past five years, she's had nothing but mine, that I know of. His was easily twice the meat I was packing. She bent down and started sucking on it, nearly immediately. Seeing my pretty girlfriend with that fat juicy sausage between her lips was a sight to behold. It made my own sausage spring to attention too. Cozy knelt down between my knees and put her pretty lips over the tip and began pleasing me as well. I could hardly complain. Since I had already ejaculated once, I was in no hurry to orgasm. Dale on the other hand, erupted after about ten minutes, spraying thick ivory goo all over Candy's pretty face. The way she smiled up at him with cum dripping down her cheeks and chin nearly made me climax, but also gave me pangs of jealousy. It was almost like she was worshipping him, which was fitting since he looked like some sort of greek god. Dale laid her down on the bed and slid his fat cock between the pink petals of her flower. She inhaled sharply and he slowed down, giving her love canal time to adjust. Cozy stopped sucking and turned to watch, still stroking my cock slowly. "Oh, he's gonna really give it to her. She's gonna love this. I remember my first time with him. That's not something you ever forget." I could have done without her running commentary. The pit in my stomach got sharper, as he pumped deeper and quicker. Candy's moans started out sweet and seductive and became more intense as he plowed her harder. Cozy watched them, her hand stroking on my rod slowed to a stop. Once in a while she would absentmindedly move her hand up and down, but her focus was totally on her boyfriend railing my girlfriend like there was no tomorrow. Dale flipped Candy over so that her ass was up and her face was in the bed cover, and took her from behind. His hips smacking loudly and repeatedly against her asscheeks like an automatic rifle. Candy's whimpers and cries became screams of pure ecstasy. He pulled her wrists back behind her, making her arch her back as he rammed his giant beefy pole into her like a piston. It occurred to me that I had never actually said out loud that I was ok with this. But it was too late now. Candy was quivering and shaking and I knew she was having multiple orgasms. I leaned down to Cozy, and asked, "You want to get in my lap?" She shushed me and kept watching the show, riveted. I noticed her hand between her legs. Cozy was rubbing her kitten as she watched, and soon she was writhing at my feet as well, bucking as jolts of pleasure hit her. My cock was hard but nowhere near cumming. If you have any issues about the place and how to use mature vintage movie, you can get hold of us at the web-site. Dale turned Candy over again and slid his tree trunk between her soft luscious mountains. Candy squeezed them together and smiled up at him with big seductive eyes as she fucked her ample tits. Just then I noticed a thick glob of ivory goo slowly oozing out of her swollen red cunt. Dale had cum inside my girlfriend. That realization knocked the wind out of me and left me breathless. I certainly hadn't expected this when we arrived at the party earlier this evening. All the kissing was fun and seemed harmless, but now things had ratcheted up to a level I wasn't prepared for. Luckily I was still hard as a rock, and the erotic scene unfolding before me kept me horny the entire time. Cozy left me and crawled over to the bed and sank down between Candy's thighs and began eating her out, sucking her boyfriend's creamy batter out of my girlfriend. The scene was so erotic, I was transfixed. I couldn't look away even if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I was enjoying the show. I had to admit to myself, as much as the lump in my stomach and the pains in my heart stabbed me, I was loving every second of this. When Dale slid down beside Candy, Cozy got in the bed on the other side and they all three kissed and cuddled and fondled each other. They seemed so comfortable with this, it made me wonder how many other times Candy and Cozy had kissed, and done other things. All those girls nights, and the trip to Vegas came to mind, and I wondered what really had happened that Candy hadn't told me. I had the urge to go join them on the bed, but I didn't. A coldness crept into my chest, and my erection began to fade. This was good timing, because they all climbed off the bed, giggling. Candy looked over at me with a pointed expression and a smirk. She walked up to my chair and stood over me. "Did you enjoy that?" she asked as she looked down on me. I just nodded. "Good. I knew you would. You're a very sexual being, like me. That's why we work so well together. That's one of the many reasons I love you so much. You get me." She held out her hand and I took it, and we went back down stairs. Most of the guests had left by then. We put on our clothes, and said our goodbyes. I got many more kisses from the girls than I expected. And every guy made sure he got a goodnight kiss from Candy, and even many of the girls did too. Cozy kissed both of us goodbye, and she squeezed my ass. Dale gave Candy a long sensual kiss, then shook my hand. It was hard not to like the guy with the way he smiles at you, even though he had just plowed my girlfriend into next year. The ride home was quiet. I drove and Candy sat silently, fingertips to her lips. Pondering. Most likely reliving the frivolities of the evening in her head. I took a breath, not sure I wanted to broach the subject, but my curiosity was eating away at me. "So, these girls' nights out, and the trip to Vegas. Is there anything you want to tell me?" I asked tentatively. She shot me a sideward glance, and sank down in her seat, a little half grin on her lips, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment. "Well?" I waited. She took a breath and sat up straight, and cleared her throat, looking a little worried, but also grinning like she was proud of herself. "What do you want to know?" "So I'm going to have to draw it out of you?" She rolled her eyes and sighed. "Ok... On the girls' nights out... all the girls kiss a lot." I nodded. And my cock started to swell. I was hoping she wouldn't notice. "And...?" "Sometimes I kiss boys. Not every time, though." She was looking away from me, like she didn't want to look me in the eye or was afraid I might be angry. Which I was. But also my dick was getting hard, and I had a hard time hiding it. She looked over and saw, and she grinned evilly. "And sometimes I do more.." Candy reached her hand over and caressed my aching erection. She pulled it through the front slot of my boxers and stroked it. "Once, I licked my friend's pussy as she was laying on a pool table." My meat twitched in her hand and she licked the precum oozing out. "And sometimes...I'll go in the bathroom....and do this..." and she slid her lips down my shaft and began blowing me while I drove. For a while we were silent, the only sounds were the wet slurping escaping from her lips and the moans escaping from mine. After a few minutes, she sat up and stuck her tongue in my mouth. I kissed her for a second and then pulled back to keep my eyes on the road. Candy kept stroking me, and whispered seductively in my ear, her hot breath tickling my skin. "I've done more. Do you want to hear about it?" I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, my heart in my throat, and nodded. "Ask me to tell you. Beg me." She was enjoying this too much. But so was I. My heart pounded and ached, but I wanted to know more. "Please tell me," I croaked through the lump in my throat. She smiled through heavy lids. "That weekend in Vegas....I played. With girls. And boys." I swallowed uncomfortably. She stroked my throbbing sausage. "How many?" I managed to get out with a whisper. "Oh...I dont know. Lots of girls. All of them that went on the trip." Imagining that set my mind and my loins ablaze. "And guys?" I asked. Her smile became very wicked. "Just three." I blinked rapidly, trying to wrap my head around it. "All weekend? In one night?" She leaned in and whispered in my ear so softly I could barely hear. "At the same time." At that point, I exploded all over her hand and my boxers. I think a little got on the steering wheel. Candy grinned evilly and kissed my ear, then licked the cum off her hand and bent down to clean off my cock. She got a napkin from the glove compartment and wiped the steering wheel. I was so embarrassed and filled with shame, that I stayed quiet the few more minutes it took us to get home. When we got in the house, I hopped in the shower, needing some time alone to sort through my thoughts. I wound up masturbating while I was in there, still mentally aroused from everything I had heard and seen that evening. When I got out of the shower, I thought Candy was asleep. I laid down beside her, trying not to wake her. After a minute, she rolled over and snuggled with me, her breasts smooshed against my rib cage, her leg between my thighs, her face on my neck, and her coochie on my leg. I held her silently. Then I felt a wetness on my thigh, right where her kitten rested on it. I immediately knew what it was. Her pussy was leaking Dale's semen on my leg. I nearly cursed when I felt my manhood jump. Candy swirled her fingernail around the hair on my chest. "I'm glad we got this out in the open. It's best we have no secrets before you propose. It's better that way. I don't want anything fancy. You can just take me to a nice dinner at an upscale restaurant. Tomorrow night would be good." She put her lips to my ear and whispered, "I'll act surprised." Then she climbed on top of me and guided my manhood into her slippery slit. It was warm, and much creamier than I had felt before. The semen already in there added lubrication. She made love to me in the dark, kissing me deeply and thoroughly, and I added my seed to what was already inside her womb. We fell asleep in each other's arms. Things were different between us from then on. More complicated. More thrilling. Much more erotic. /u/Bacchan_Centauro

[bestlivesexwebcams]

Is Cams.com a perfect match for a horny man? You bet!

We don’t usually do this kind of thing, but this review of Cams.com is going to contain a whole lot of praise. The reason for it is mostly because the site features a bunch of shit we’ve never seen before. But it also has to do with our appetite for quality. Put simply: Cams.com is definitely no slouch in terms of “customer satisfaction.”

We set out to review Cams.com with no real expectations. After all, we’ve seen just about everything at this point. Knowing ahead of time that it was one of the more popular live sex cam sites out there, we figured maybe Cams.com would feature tons of A+ models or amazing camera and audio quality. It turns out that neither is true about Cams.com (although their shit is still pretty swank). What made the site worthy of our attention – and ultimately our review – was the combination of all its features together.

What it lacked in one area, it made up for in another. Where there were improvements to be made, innovations were being developed on the other side. It may not be perfect for everyone, but over 10,000 users can’t be wrong. The world now has one of the very first live, interactive sex cam websites on the net. Oh, what a time to be alive! But before we get into why this joint is so smokin’, let’s discuss what the fuck Cams.com even is (and isn’t).

Who, What, When, Why, How?

This mecca of debauchery is one of our favorite Fuck-Fest destinations for numerous reasons. Upon arrival, guests are ushered to the main page where hundreds of hot and bothered models are waiting. And while the thumbnail pictures are rather small, it isn’t hard to find someone you like. Peruse the inventory using the search tool at the top to find a specific hooker, or browse the categories running down the left side of the page for quick access. From the looks of it, Cams.com is all about the business of getting shit done efficiently and we can appreciate that.

Furthermore, we mentioned that Cams.com was one of the very first interactive live sex cam sites on the web, right? If that’s not enough to catch your attention, we don’t know what is. There’s something to be said about cramming a vibrator up the ass of a slut without using a condom, or having the slut do it to you with no strings attached. The best part about it is that you can use a toy from your inventory or buy one from their affiliate for pretty cheap. As long as the shit is Bluetooth ready, you’re good to go. It’s a BYOT party and everyone is invited.

Now, there is an admission fee for this site, but only if you think you need to pay it. By that we mean: Registration is free, but you get charged to play hard. You’ll notice that the thumbnails on the main page are small and don’t enlarge when you scroll over them. That’s because the site admins want you to cough up the dough before you snag a hoe, meaning you need to click through and hopefully agree to a private show. There are ways around it, but we’re playing by the rules here. Besides, the free shit is for rookies.

How Does This Work?

If you’re new to the live sex cams game, we’d like to know where the fuck you’ve been for last 3 decades. However, if you’re new to the interactive sex cams game, we totally understand your predicament. We weren’t even sure what we were getting into ourselves, but we went for it anyway. Maybe that’s why over half of us have multiple baby mamas and finicky cocks. Listen, we’ve got to blame it on something. Either way you look at it though, Cams.com is doing something revolutionary here and we want in on it.

As part of the CumTV hosting conglomerate, this site has the ability to pull from multiple web connections in a network of prime porn hubs, providing users with a one-of-a-kind experience that’s about as close to the real thing as you can get without buying dinner first. Its interface is fully compatible with all major sex toys with Bluetooth syncing capabilities, and there are very few technical difficulties. For something as new and innovative as this, we expected more annoying issues that we could complain about later. Way to disappoint us, Cams.com.

The main site is pretty self-explanatory. You just search for what you want and let the party start itself. The Interactive side of the site is a bit different. First you have to find a model who has the “Connections” icon on her profile, and if they don’t have someone you like then you’re shit out of luck for a while. Successful searchers will then have to start a private show and click on the 2-Way button which brings up the “agree to pay” page. After the deal has been done, you can use the sliders on the side of the screen to increase or decrease the speed of the vibrator being used. This is where shit can get expensive, so keep an eye on your wallet and your watch.

Who’s on the Site?

There are a lot of different models to choose from on the main page, and a search is always possible if the bitches highlighted don’t do it for you. One thing we appreciated about Cams.com is that their categorical lineup is so expertly organized. Search for a hot hoe based on gender, age, size, ethnicity, kinky attribute, or even specialty. The models on this site are not even kidding when they say they’ll do just about anything for money or votes. It’s easy to get lost in a sea of skanks on Cams.com.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, the following pre-determined categories are up for grabs to your heart’s content if you can learn how to swim through the female, male, and tranny sections of the site:

Ages: 18-19, 20-25, 25-40, or mature

Ethnicities: Asian, Ebony, Latin, White, Indian, Middle Eastern

College Students

Porn Stars

Couples

Threesomes

MILFS

Hair styles: Black, Blonde, Brunette, Redheads

BBW

Curvy

Petite

Tit size: Huge, Big, Small, Flat Chested

Foot Fetish

High Heels Fetish

Tattoos

Bisexual

Gay

Lesbian

That’s not a bad selection for a site that offers so many top-notch sluts, and we would know. Sometimes, it’s not about quantity but quality. Fortunately for Cams.com, they’ve got the best of both worlds.

What’s in It for Me?

This site has a bunch of user-friendly features that we found awesome. One of the best and most notable features of the Cams.com site is the Interactive option offered on the main page. This allows customers and models to take their “relationship” to the next level. We’ve mentioned it once before but we’ve got to say it again, this part of the puzzle is exactly what the industry needs.

Being able to control minute details of a vibrating dildo in real time is about as close as any of us are going to get to nailing a high-class hoe. No intimidation, no expensive dinners. Just you, the model, some Bluetooth sex toys, and hours of disgusting fun. No worries; you won’t have to pay for a taxi or even look the bitch in the eye the next morning. While your initial registration won’t get you anywhere with this, a paid membership grants you access into places the sun won’t shine.

Also, notable: When you sign up you get some free shit immediately, and there is no credit card information required either. That meant we could test out the contents of the site without having to make a huge and potentially embarrassing commitment. After all, that’s what these sites were invented for in the first place, right?

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

We try to be as thorough as possible when it comes to divulging the good, the bad, and the ugly of these live sex cam websites. Since many of them are quite similar, we sometimes find it difficult to discern between choices. When it came to Cams.com, however, we noticed glaring differences right away. Now, that’s not to say that Cams.com is perfect. Here, we’ll show you what we mean:

PROS

Keep It in Your Pants – You won’t be asked to whip out your wallet until you’ve decided Cams.com is worth your money. These bitches don’t assume.

Sort It Out – There’s a special category just for the free content. Click on that before you do anything else.

The Holy Trinity – Here, there are cams featured for all three of the major groups: women, men, and transsexuals. Way to be an equal opportunity host, Cams.com.

Pay to Play – Although there is some free content, most of the good shit requires payment. Luckily, Cams.com gives away 100 free tokens when you register (for now).

Conditional Love – They say variety is the spice of life, which might be why Cams.com has so many bitches on different professional levels. New, used, or gently worn, you’ll find it.

Keeping It Real – No guessing games on Cams.com. Each category has a ticker that tells how many models are available at any given time.

Face Off – The Interactive Mode is killer and well worth the money. That’s all we’re gonna say.

CONS

Extreme Close-Up – Since the thumbnails are small, you’ll be tempted to click for a better look. However, those tiny pictures are all you’ll get unless you want to register. End of discussion.

Tower of Babel – There aren’t as many language options on Cams.com as some of the others. For example, we didn’t see German on there at all and German hoes are among the best.

King of the Hill – While Cams.com has a shit ton of fine, professional-looking bitches, the amateur train is chugging along at the speed of light. We see a hostile takeover in the near future.

Can You Hear Me Now? – The audio quality on the Interactive sector isn’t the best, but then again, we have old equipment and the hoes probably do too. Not sure there’s anything Cams.com can do about it.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous – Although a lot of the content is free, some of it costs money. And by “costs money” we mean it’s a tad more expensive than what we’re used to.

Who Cares? – It seems like the customer service agents in charge at Cams.com have much better things to do than help you with your concerns. Unless it’s about the money they’re not getting, you’d have more luck complaining to the wall.

When Judgment Day Comes

It took us a while to determine exactly how we felt about Cams.com, despite the fact that we were greatly impressed at first. We always check ourselves at the door, just in case. Luckily, that feeling of “love at first sight” stuck around long enough for us to check out all the site had to offer. About the time we discovered the Interactive section, we were already in love. Although we can’t say Cams.com is our number one favorite live sex cam website on the net, we can say that we wouldn’t mind visiting again or at the very least bragging about our latest conquests to the boys.

And while friendly customer service agents are very helpful for the most part, a well-designed website and fully trained models can solve a lot of problems before they arise. Maybe that’s what Cams.com developers had in mind when creating this thing. We witnessed that ideal firsthand here – on a site that was developed to be extremely user-friendly so that the customer service reps don’t have to be “bothered.” If we had to rate this site overall (and we do), we’d slap on a nice 9 out of 10 score and move on with our day. It’s obvious that Cams.com is a pioneer in the live virtual sex arena, so someone has to give credit where credit is due.

from Best Live Sex Web Cams http://www.bestlivesexwebcams.com/sex-chat-sites/cams-com/