#just in case the playlist cover is a little much lmao
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asterdeer · 1 year ago
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hey there baby i could use just a little help [spotify link]
a playlist for the first 25 years of richard maxwell's life
tracklist and annotations under the cut, babes
FAMILY OF ME ben folds
tone-setter intro song. "how great i am / gotta tell myself, yeah, i'm your man / looks grim right now but / pretty soon we'll be laughing about it"
DANCE MUSIC the mountain goats
childhood and teenage years. "and i'm five years old or six maybe / and indications that there's something wrong / with our new house / trip down the wire twice daily"
CLUSTERHUG i don't know how but they found me
early years in odyssey, relationship with rachael, relationship with lucy. "oh, we can turn around / we can burn this town to ash / as charming as we are / we are nothing but pretty trash"
ICARUS SMICARUS punch brothers
relationship with his father, with his stepfather, with blackgaard. "get back in your hole and get dead, son / get back in your hole and get bent / get back in your hole and get dead, son / get back in your hole and get bent"
THE LION'S ROAR first aid kid
the turning point. after the battle pt. II. a tone piece more than anything ngl. "and i'm a goddamn coward / but then again so are you / and the lion's roar, the lion's roar / has me evading and hollering for you / and i never really knew what to do"
DANCING IN THE DARK bruce springsteen
the intermediating years. watching for blackgaard, doing only god knows what, observing from a distance. on his own. "man, i ain't gettin nowhere / i'm just living in a dump like / there's something happening somewhere / baby, i just know that there is"
MILES AND MILES the heavy heavy
still in the lost middle years. on his own. "i know you know my name / hitchhiking loner vagabond travelin light / fire burning through mainline / going up to the junction, turning right"
SHADOW the ballroom thieves
regret and weariness seeping in. getting closer to odyssey again. "these days i feel like a stranger / wear my laughter like a bad disguise / oh but everybody knows i'm in danger / they can see it in my eyes"
TIME SPENT IN LOS ANGELES dawes
and he's back in odyssey. self-awareness and an outside perspective. "when people ask me where i come from / to see what that says about a man / i only end up giving bad directions / that never lead them there at all"
TROUBLE imagine dragons
darkness before dawn. "so pray for me, brother / i need redemption / i'm just a man, a man on a mission / i want no trouble, i want no trouble / i want no trouble, i want no trouble / pray for me, sister / give me a mention / i got no faith and oh, did i mention / i want no trouble, i want no trouble / i want no trouble, i want no trouble"
WE ALL DIE YOUNG the decemberists
post-cliff, hospital-bound. "when i woke next day / layered in the lashings / feeling for the hole in my head / i was thinking 'bout my dad / thinking 'bout the nashings / of all the bitter things that he said / and he said: / we all die young"
I'M STILL HERE john rzeznik
admittedly a bit of a bitter joke. post-hospital life - in odyssey? leaving again? a goodbye letter to regis. "and what do you think you'd understand? / i'm a boy, no, i'm a man / you can't take me and throw me away"
PIRATE RADIO* jean dawson
epilogue. "i'm on the edge of my coffin / with a smile and some hope / i was drowning, drowning, drowning in the open / no grip on the shore / solid turn water when you hold it / out your fist it pours"
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wave2tyun · 10 months ago
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My getting into Ateez is much more recent than getting into skz but I love them an incredible amount anyway, I always have a Mingi photocard in my clear phonecase!! Anyway, here we go‼️😼
Treasure ep.2: Zero to One
- HALA HALA (deep in my heart deep in my soul!! I'm gonna say this to a lot songs but incredible pre chorus+chorus, vocals from the gods fr)
- Say My Name (ateez present!! really fun sound with a cool chorus, also choreography so sick!! A to the Z😁)
Treasure ep.3
- Aurora (summer vibes, calmer fun sound? the instrumentals with the vocals are very pretty together)
- Wave (more fun summery vibe (that also is very noticeable from the mv), Hakuna Matata ya!!)
The World ep.1: Movement
- Guerrilla (WE'RE THE GUERRILLAS‼️ very intense and cool song and music video)
- Cyberpunk (SEXY ASS SONG, vocals and rap? So good!! INCREDIBLE high notes)
The World ep.2: Outlaw
- Bouncy (slow it down make it bouncy😎, I own this album irl it's very good, cool title with a cool choreography)
- Dune (really sick raps, incredible vocal powerhouses, they're just really talented🥺)
- DJANGO (my favorite from this album, has a really good chorus, call me DJANGO!!)
- OUTLAW (chorus is SICK AF, oh my god... it makes me just wanna dance, like always Hongjoong and Mingi just incredible rappers)
The World ep.fin: Will
- Crazy form (newest title track, 미친 폼😎, great song over all, this has been on loop for days)
- We Know (the chorus is so so so cool, I'm so in love with it)
- Silver Light (I'm always so in love with the pre chorus+chorus bits, this one's no exeption!!)
- Matz (duet between two oldest, Matz is their duo name, Hongjoong rap god! Seonghwa gorgeous gorgeous man <3)
- It's You (woosansang trio, a love song I'm pretty sure? maybe a bit sexy song vibes? (I haven't looked at the lyrics yet actually😅), in any case just a very good song!!)
- Youth (yungi duet song, another calmer one, almost kind of nostalgic feeling)
- Everything (gorgeous beautiful instrumental, very calm especially compared to most songs on the album, Jongho aka maknae solo)
ZERO: fever pt.1
- THANXX (gracias😎, one of my favorite mvs, they're all so pretty😣💞)
- Inception (a love song :0, they're all so pretty and talented!! I love the bit after the first chorus)
ZERO: fever pt.3
- Deja Vu (really 😳 choreography, sexy song)
- Eternal Sunshine (completely opposite vibes to Deja Vu, fun summer vibes song)
Other:
- Pirate King (debut song, really cool!! their pirate lore is really cool btw, their storyline is very confusing though, good luck if you ever want to understand it👍)
- Halazia (the first comeback I was there for I think? Yeosangs low notes are incredible, firehair Mingi <33 (I have him in my phonecase btw))
- I'm the One (Fireworks) (MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE!!! OH MY GOD)
- Black Cat Nero (incredible instrumental super cool choreography, I reccomend watching the halloween performance video, starts with a dramatic piano bit and then turns rock... does this one count as ateez's furry song? 🤔 probably not lmao)
- Wonderland (another sick mv, on my my wayyy‼️, incredible raps)
-The Real (really cool vibes, one of my favorite mvs, don't really know why it's just cool to me I guess, Pink Seonghwa!! :'D)
And also once again lots of other great songs waiting to be discovered!!😁 + fun fact: Mingi and Hongjoong are the rappers of the group and they have 'rapper tags' (Mingis "Fix on" and Hongjoongs giggle, you can usually tell who's rapping by that!) enjoy!! 💞💞💞💞
-🐾
THANK YOUUUUUU!!!!! :DD💖💓💘💞💘💓💞💘💞💓 the ateez playlist is done and ready to go‼️‼️😼 i put a mingi pic as the cover for this one because when they went to that festival.........🫣 my tl was FULL of him and i was enjoying every single second of it🤭 i'll let you know my thoughts + favorites from them as well!!! i love rereading your little comments before playing the songs and omg i'll make sure to look out for their rapper tags as well😼😼
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thanks for the tag <3
here are 10 random songs from my liked songs played on shuffle. ngl, i'm kinda scared myself haha, i have 2405 songs there.
Broken by Anson Seabra starting off with a sad but good one. i really like the song although it tends to make me cry. was a little too relatable at some points in my life i guess
Moules Frites by Stromae i forgot i had a french phase. i don't even have an explanation and also can't remember this song at all lmao. it's not bad but not exactly what i usually listen to. i think i listened to french music for a while to become better at the language. didn't help tho haha
Would've, Could've, Should've by Taylor Swift OUR QUEEN!! i don't think this actually needs an explanantion if you know my blog haha
Exile - The Long Pond Studio Sessions by Taylor Swift featuring Bon Iver another tay song! i really love this one, especially this version. reminds me of many marauders edits tho. also i just noticed that this is really fitting for a certain part of one of my wips
Speakers by Alec Benjamin i LOVE his music! really fell in love with his songs over the summer of 2022 cause i could relate to many of his songs at this point. this is one of them. i'm away for college now and none of my friends live close by or even in the same time zone as me anymore so that is kinda fitting. actually crying rn cause this song reminds me of them and makes me miss them
Superior by Gentleman but a cover by Lena just like i had a phase of listening to french music, i had one for german music as well. although this song is neither in its original form nor in the cover version german, the cover is from a german music show. i listened to songs from that show a lot for a while so i'm not really surprised to find one of them here. this song i really liked a few years ago, now i am not a big fan anymore tbh, but it's still not bad. i'm just not a big fan of Lena's music in general anymore tbh. since we now covered both my french and my german phase, it makes me wonder whether we'll also cover my spanish phase in this haha (yes, i'm a language nerd in case you couldn't already tell)
Run With Me by Michael Patrick Kelly (?) i honestly don't know if this is actually his song or also just a cover by him since this is from the same german music show actually. everything i find on this song leads me back to him tho so i guess this is his song(?) no clue tho. i really love this song in any case. in general, i really like his songs and listened to a lot of them for a while
I Lived by OneRepublic CRYING. this song is so fucking dear to me. i cry every time i hear it. i was an exchange student and this is basically a hymn for so many exchange students, including me, even years later. whenever i listen to this, i remember everything, all the places i've seen and all the people i met. i miss this life so fucking much, you wouldn't even believe what i'd do to get it back.
Hold On by Extreme Music i genuinely don't remember this song at all lmao. it's good tho. anyway, the chorus made me remember the song and everything connected to it. omg, this was the definition of 'unlocked memories'. old dracotok, that's all i have to say. i can't exactly remember in what way, all that i know is that i connect this song with this phase of my life. from a new perspective, this song makes me now actually think of acotar because of the chorus. i really missed this song without noticing, in a way. goes straight into my 'underrated' playlist.
Lady Stardust - 2012 Remaster by David Bowie perfect ending for this list. alright, i really don't believe this needs any kind of explanation. ATYD. that's all i have to say.
wow, that was a lot. apologies, i still don't know how to not write a whole essay about literally anything. anyway, here are my 10 tags. i'm sorry if any of you already got tagged! <3
@cr-amber @maliefizz @sp1rit-realm @chace-vito @cauliflowertree
@nyxxxxxxxx @goodomensandbadpress @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @lavenderimaginedher @callmejud3
10 songs 10 people
Thank you for the tag @spikybanana
I want to say in advance that some of these songs are probably more reflective of my middle school self who originally created this playlist that I’ve been adding onto for years
The Winner Takes It All
Oh fuck yes, some ABBA, because of course I got really into ABBA a little while ago, ‘cause fandom
Rasputin
This is continuing to go perfectly, this is arguably one of the best songs and I want more music based around the lives and deaths of historical people, or even modern people because I’d like to be remembered through song
The Reaper, The Butcher, The Boy
Found this song through tiktok because of course I did, it’s very vibes, idk how to describe it
Angel of Small Death and the Codeine Scene
There had to be some hozier of course, I’m surprised that so far most of this music is stuff I’ve listened to within the past like 2 years
Campus
Idk man, I can’t say stuff about every song
Lemon Boy
Okay, this song I can talk about. I love cave town, this song specifically reminds me of the first time I had heard it. One of my friends in my freshman year art class had been really wanting to show our table some music, so we passed it around and put in headphones. This song will always remind me of that guy.
Over My Head (Cable Car)
So….so there was a time when middle school me was quite obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, so when I put this song on my playlist I thought it was one of those songs they played in that show all the time, it was not. Still a good song.
The Moon Will Sing
THE MOON WILL SING A SONG FOR ME—I LOVED YOU LIKE THE SUN—BORE THE SHADOWS THAT YOU MADE, WITH NO LIGHT OF MY OWN, I SHINE ONLY WITH THE LIGHT YOU GAVE ME
The Room Where It Happened
……we’re not talking about my hamilton phase
You’re Obedient Servant
WE ARE NOT TALKING ABOUT MY HAMILTON PHASE
And now we shall go on not mentioning any of the information that I gave within this post, we will not talk about the embarrassing phases of my youth.
Tagging for some music from: @moonlarking @basicallyjustmuggleremuslupin @lupinsmoons @rainy-nights-and-fairy-lights @halothenthehorns @chace-vito @cryhavocc @notalover-justasinner @agere-agender @moonlvr69
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tragedytells-tales · 2 years ago
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I'm yours
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Notes - Teen!MC, GN!MC, Fluff, teens being teens, inspired by I'm yours by Jason Marz, Teen!MC is from The Case of the Secret Admirer by @beels-burger-babe , Feat. Teen!MC, Gidorah, Asmodeus, Barbatos, Solomon, Luke, Candy, Luka
Summary - The other teen figures out the little things.
Warnings - probably ooc Barbatos.
TW - none!
/ P - 4 / finished masterlist [ A playlist for two ]
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I've been spending way too long checking my tongue in the mirror / And bending over backwards just to try to see it clearer / But my breath fogged up the glass / And so I drew a new face and I laughed / I guess what I be saying is there ain't no better reason / To rid yourself of vanities and just go with the seasons / It's what we aim to do / Our name is our virtue / But I won't hesitate no more, no more / It cannot wait-
Asmo sat cross legged on his bed. He started touching up on his nails while MC layed in bed with their arm over their eyes. He turned to MC and chuckled, "Sooo?"
MC let out a long heart felt sigh. "They're as dense as a rock. It's impossible to tell how they feel towards me." They said, fiddling with the scale around their neck.
Asmo raised an eyebrow at MC and smiled out of amusement. "You don't know how they feel towards you?"
"Okay, listen man. I know that they care about me, they're one of my bestfriends. BUT, I don't know wether or not they like me like that!" MC exclaimed. They crossed their arms and pouted at the ceiling. Asmo giggled at MCs hissy fit, it's not that he didn't feel bad, he just found it amusing he swears.
MC side glared asmo before pointing at him accusingly, "You. Can't you do that voo-doo magic that you did with me?"
Asmo giggled and shook his head, "Now MC, I can't just always use my powers! Besides, you seem to have this all under control!" MC side eye'd him incredulously. "I literally don't sir?? what are you on about?"
Asmo hummed, "you seem to be doing pretty well to me." He said while checking his nails one last time. He leaned over to where MC was and pinched their cheeks. "But, if you really need my help, you know I'm more than happy to provide it for my favorite little sibling!"
MC groaned sarcastically while giggling. "Asmoooooo" They whined while scrunching their nose. However, before they could retaliate their phone began slowly buzzing. They raised their eyebrow at Asmo who shook his head in response. He leaned back to sit in a cross legged position as MC darted for their D.D.D.
"Heh, Luka got stuck to the ceiling and Gidorah has to get him down."
Barbatos looked up from where he was preping the snacks with something akin to shock or amusement. "How did that happen?" MC just shrugged and typed something out. Their phone dinged again and MC blinked in shock. They took a deep breath in and showed barbatos their phone.
[ Candy: LMAO THE NERD READ A SINGLE LETTER IN A SPELL WRONG ASKJSADKJKW ] Read 2 : 6:27
Barbatos just smiled and shook his head. Asmo peaked around MCs arm to read the message. "The things that you guys get up too are astounding." Asmo said with a poorly hidden giggle. "Who's you guys?" MC questioned "because I'm not the one getting stuck on ceilings."
Solomon cackled from the bathroom, "true my little apprentice, but you have gotten someone stuck on the ceiling before." He strode out of the bathroom, face masks in hand, and scattered them across the bed much to barbatos' displeasure.
MC waved off his remark and placed the D.D.D back down. They took back their spot on the bed and stole the remote from Solomon, who pouted about it. "Hey MC?" Solomon asks.
"What's up?"
He inspected MCs hand, "What's going on with the doodles?"
"Huh?" MC furrowed their brow, they glanced at their hand and wrists which were covered in little hearts, stars, notes, and reminders. "Oh this, yeah Gidorah has a tendency to doodle on me." They said, chuckling affectionately.
Solomon smirked, he remarked about MCs smile and called them whipped. MC, in return, reminded him of his non-existent streak of saying no to Asmo, which immediately shut him.
"Exactly, we're both screwed old man, you can't even pretend otherwise." They said.
Solomon took that as his cue to launch a pillow at MC, which they expertly dodged in order to launch one back.
Asmo chuckled at the two as they play wrestled on his bed. Barbatos stood beside him with a satisfied smile.
Barbatos side glanced Asmo with a knowing look. Asmo simply rolled his eyes and pouted, "I know better than to try anything."
"Besides," he hummed, eyeing the now fading doodles on MCs hand, "I don't think I have to!"
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MC chuckled. The more they looked at their shared locker the more they realized just how much attention Gidorah pays to it.
All of their books and supplies was organized just right, and any loose homework was tucked away into their respective books. Fairy lights that looked like fire flies hung near their supplies.
Some of Gidorahs books could be seen in a further nook of the locker, their own homework lying in a pile under the books. Their pens and supplies were hung up near MCs.
MCs attention was taken by a familiar water bottle coming into their vision. Gidorah smiled at MC as they took it and waited for them to finish in the locker before the bell rang.
MC tossed the bottle in their hand and glanced at Gidorah while grabbing their notebook.
"How are you always paying attention?"
"Hm?" Gidorah hummed, tilting their head in question. "Paying attention to what?"
"Just in general. You somehow always know when or if I need something." MC said while gesturing to their water bottle.
Gidorah shrugged, "It's a habit I guess. But for you it's special."
MC blinked back their shock. "How's that?" They asked while moving towards the classroom. Gidorah eye'd MC, a familiar warmth settled in their chest as they smiled warmly. "I don't know. I guess it just is."
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MC was use to the sound of scribbling by now. They weren't, however, used to forests and constellations randomly appearing on their wrists. They giggled at Gidorah who was distractedly doodling on MC.
Gidorahs hand eventually wandered back to taking notes and MC checked out their wrists and raised an amused brow at Gidorah. Gidorah tilted their head at MC. They smiled awkwardly, questioning MC, until they looked down at their wrists.
"Ah, sorry, no touch day?"
"Nah." MC said, placing their arm back on the table. "I was just wondering how long it would take for you to notice."
"Oh, sorry!" Gidorah said sincerely. They chewed on their lip in thought and realization, they didn't know when this habit formed.
"It doesn't bother me, it's adorable actually!" MC said leaning their head in their palms and smiling.
Gidorah felt themself fluster when their gaze locked onto MCs smiling face. MC eventually turned away to get back to class, completely missing the way Gidorahs smile seemed to mimic their own.
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"Damnit-" MC grumbled as that frantically checked their bag.
Candy snorted. "Our lord and savior would be dissapointed."
"Candy." Luka grumbled.
"Not sorry!"
MC rolled their eyes at the two and continued digging through their bag. They laid down their bag with a huff. Luka raised his eyebrow in question. MC frowned, "I forgot my Grimm at home, so no lunch."
"Can't you just text the lords?" Candy asked. MC shrugged, "left my D.D.D in our locker."
Luka looked up from his lunch and smirked, "Our locker?"
MC paused their rummaging too playfully glare at Luka. They decidedly ignored the blood rushing to their face and instead kicked Luka under the table, "yes, we share custody of the locker of course!"
Candy laughed, watching the two toss quips at eachother. She twirled her hair on her finger in thought. "I still think you should just tell Gidorah y'know. Nearly half the division knows already." She said with her head in her palm.
"Absolutely not. I'm not-"
"Tell me what?"
MC was startled by the shadow standing over them, so much so that Gidorah had to snatch the lunch bag from out of the way of their head.
"Well-" Candy started before getting pinched by Luka who in turn got scolded by Gidorah. MC chuckled at the threes antics while scooting over to the side. Gidorah eventually sat next to MC and pushed the lunch closer to them. "Here." They mumbled before turning back to scold Luka.
MC raised a brow at Candy, who shrugged, before opening it. They picked out their favorite drink and their D.D.D from the lunch box. They thanked Gidorah who nodded as a silent "You're welcome".
Candy leaned closer to MC. She smiled at MC while shooting her eyes too Gidorah and back. MC simply waved her off in favor of returning to their lunch.
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"They're here!" Luke called while darting off to the door. Barbatos and MC trailed slightly behind. Candy bounced on her balls of her feet the moment she heard tiny footsteps approaching. "They're coming!"
Luka tapped his foot while waiting. "I'd hope so, it is their home."
Despite Luke being the first to make it to the door, MC was the one to answer with Barbatos at their side. They smiled again the two while greeting them, Luke even shaking Lukas hand, and Barbatos let the two inside.
MC felt their smile drop a little after realizing someone was missing. Luka, concerned by the sudden silence, tapped MCs shoulder. They raised an eyebrow at him in question. "Is something wrong?" Luka asked. MC simply shook their head and waved a dismissive hand.
"Nah," they started "Just wondering where Gidorah is."
Luke paused his ranting and turned to face MCs, "Yeah, where is Gidorah?"
Barbatos chuckled from his place beside the door. "Right here, MC." He opened the door to reveal Gidorah with their fist raised and a filled grocery bag in the other. "Ah, hi! Sorry for running late!"
"You're good!" Candy called from the kitchen.
MC eyed the grocery bag in Gidorahs hand. Gidorah greeted Barbatos and Luke while following them to the kitchen. "Hey Gidorah?" MC questioned. Gidorah hummed in reply and tilted their. MC pointed at the bag with a raised brow and rummage through it, slightly recognizing the ingredients.
"It's for the recipe you mentioned!" Gidorah said. They chuckled affectionately at MCs suprise. MC took the bag from Gidorah and stopped just outside of the kitchen. "Gidorah, that was weeks ago. You remembered that?"
"Yeah, I remember alot of things about you. I told you, you're special."
MC chuckled, they shook their head and smiled. Luke eventually peaked around the corner to call the two into the kitchen before walking away. MC was the first to follow behind him while Gidorah stayed by the door to supervise the four as they baked.
Barbatos too stood behind with Gidorah, also supervising, and watched over the fours antics. Gidorah was aware of the soft look they were giving MC and their smile somehow got brighter when MC flashed them a smile in return while calling them over.
Barbatos watched over the fives play date equally. But if he noticed Gidorah and MC fluster eachother while at it, then he didn't mention it.
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'Hey candy?'
'What's up?'
MC yawned and waved Gidorah goodnight while popping onto a nearby blanket pile. Candy and Luke were also knocked out somewhere nearby with Luke curled up on a bean bag. MC nudged a blanket in Lukes direction and he took it groggly.
Gidorah place a blanket on MC and giggled at their mumbled thanks. They eventually took to sitting in a seat nearby the group and chomping on a cookie they had made earlier.
Gidorah relaxed to the sound of soft snores and stayed awake to watch over them, even politely declining a blanket from barbatos. Although, he forced her to keep it.
'What does it mean to have a crush on someone?'
'You don't know?'
Gidorah eventually moved, carefully stepping over Candy and Luka, and sat by MC. They gently latched onto their hand and smiled softly when they felt MC latch onto theirs.
'Ah, of course not. My bad.' Candy said.
'No worries!'
'Well-'
Gidorahs smile slowly melted into something more affectionate. They relaxed back into their seat and hummed.
'-it's basically the human, or demon, equivalent of your Elosha!'
They peeked their eyes at MC and felt their heart swell with fondness. They admired the peace that MC felt, how they felt safe enough to fall asleep in their presence.
'Oh, I see.'
'What's an Elosha?' Luka asked
'A person that we're really fond of! I think you guys call that-'
Gidorah stilled, not enough to alarm MC, but enough to which Barbatos was alert to the sudden thoughtful expression that crossed Gidorahs face.
'-Romantically liking someone.'
They side glanced MCs sleeping form and furrowed their brow. They felt a familiar heat flood their face when they thought back to MCs flour covered smile, their heart skip a beat when they remembered the sound of MCs hearty laugh.
And it all clicked at once when they felt the familiar urge to protect, love, and make this moment last forever when MC unconsciously pulled Gidorahs hand towards them.
"I have a crush on MC."
I'm yours
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( Operation: puppylove! )
[ Barbatos: * Image depicts Luke, Luka, Candy, MC, and Gidorah asleep infront of a in-room fire place with quite background noise playing somewhere nearby. Candy and Luka are asleep in a pillow pile a few inches away from Luke with the two sleeping opposite of eachother. Luke is asleep in a bean bag twice his size and covered in a fluffy warm blanket with a plate of cookies next to him.
Gidorah and MC are asleep a few feet away from Candy and Luka. They're passed out in a blanket pile, Gidorah sitting up proped against a nearby couch and MC on their side. Gidorahs legs and MC are covered in the same blanket and atop it are Gidorah and MCs connected hands in a pinky promise position. * ] Read 3 : 10:11
[ Solomon: Well, it seems I owe Asmo. And I'm sending that to Simeon. ] Read 3 : 10:12
[ Barbatos: Already did. And it seems you don't owe Asmo just yet. ] Read 3 : 10:12
[ Solomon: Oh? ] Read 3 : 10:12
[ Barbatos: It appears Gidorah has become aware of their feelings. ] Read 3 : 10:13
[ Solomon: well, it's a step in the right direction at least! ] Read 3 : 10:13
[ Barbatos: Indeed. ] Read 3 : 10:14
[ Asmodeus: * sticker sent * ] Read 3 : 10:29
[ Solomon: what's wrong? ] Read 3 : 10:30
[ Asmodeus: Nothing, they're just so cute! ] Read 3 : 10:31
[ Barbatos: Indeed. How are the preparations coming along? ] Read 2 : 10:31
[ Asmodeus: nearly done! Just a bit more and it should be finished right on time! ] Read 2 : 10:33
[ Barbatos: Good to hear. ] Read 2 : 10:33
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AN: It's nearly over, It's nearly the end, and this has been my favorite!
Divider credit: X
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helliontherapscallion · 4 years ago
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(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Tuesday
Monday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday
Spotify Playlist (collaborative)
Warnings: anxiety, doctor’s offices, taking pain pills (not sure if I need to tag that, but just in case), stalkers, blackmail, swearing, non-consensual taking pics of nudes, slight body dysmorphia, self-loathing, toxic friends
Word count: 5,326
(A/N): another long chapter, my little wlw heart loved writing this chapter! Also holy shit I was not expecting the first part to blow up, thank you to everyone that read it! Gosh, it’s enough to make a grown woman cry :’)
You cracked open your crusty eyes to Wilbur poking his head into your room. “(Y/n), Dad wants you.”
You groaned rubbing at your eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of them. “I’ll be down in a sec.” Your voice was scratchy and thick with sleep.
He closed the door silently and you heard his socked feet thumping down the hallway. Your pain faded slightly into soreness, but your shoulders and upper back were slightly stiff. After you drug yourself out of bed, you shambled down the stairs to see your family at the table eating breakfast. Your stomach growled loudly, making you blush slightly in embarrassment. 
Your eldest brother snorted. “Hungry (y/n)?”
You slumped into your seat next to him slowly shoveling food into your mouth. “You have no idea.”
“You wouldn’t be that hungry if you ate dinner when you got home like I told you to do last night, young lady. You better eat every single thing on that plate.”
There was no arguing with a stern Dadza, so you reluctantly complied. Meanwhile, Tommy and Tubbo were telling Wilbur about your match animatedly. 
“And the ball was like fwoosh and she- the ball and-and-”
“And she hit it and Haley hit it to the other side! It was so cool!”
Wilbur merely smiled listening to them ramble about how badass you were last night. They made you feel genuinely happy that they admired your volleyball abilities; they were probably your biggest fans and that made your day most of the time. You remembered the first match they came to during your freshman year, they had run up to you right after the end-of-match whistle blew to spew about how good you were on the court. They met the team that day. Your team adored having them at your games, over the years they slowly replaced your school’s mascot. They played a huge part in morale boosts before and during matches. 
He looked over to you, “I didn’t know my little sister could be so badass.”
You felt your cheeks flare up. “It’s nothing I haven’t done before. It really wasn’t anything special.”
“(Y/n),” Philza pursed his lips, “you did all that with a bruised back, I’d consider that something special.”
“Wait (y/n), you’re hurt?” Tommy and Tubbo looked at you with wide concerned eyes.
“Yeah, but it’s not that bad. I can still move and stuff.”
Techno rolled his eyes, “it’s bad if you’re going to the doctor for it.”
“Eh, it doesn’t hurt as bad as it did yesterday, so I’m not worried.” 
“You’re deadass wincing everytime you move your arm,” WIlbur deadpanned, “it clearly still hurts.”
“Well yeah, I didn’t say the pain went away completely. Fuckin’ dumbass.”
“Language,” Philza glared at you two, gesturing to the two fifth graders watching the exchange with interest. 
You and Wilbur resumed eating and murmured out a defeated “sorry Dad.” You both glared at Techno when he huffed in amusement. 
“If you three keep bickering, you’re going to be late to school. Remember, you two have to drop off Tommy and Tubbo today cuz I’m taking your sister to her appointment. Now go get ready, I’ll take care of your dishes.”
Your brothers took off up the stairs, each competing to get to the bathroom first. Occasionally, you would hear shouts and slapping noises. You felt glad you didn’t have to deal with that today. Judging by Techno’s gruff voice laughing and an explosion of loud complaints from the rest, you assumed that he won today. “I swear, they’re gonna put me in an early grave.”
“You and me both Dad, you and me both.”
You went into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of pain pills from the junk drawer. Various bottles of Motrin and Advil were scattered around the house because when you live with a rambunctious family like this one, people are bound to get hurt and headaches are common. Popping three into your mouth, you washed it down with a glass of water. The sound of the running water faucet and the slight splashing of water filled the silence of the room. 
“How’s your back? Does it feel any better?”
“Kinda, today it just feels more sore than throbbing, my headache went away mostly, and my shoulder doesn’t feel any worse, so that’s better I guess.”
He shut off the water and reached for a towel to dry off his wet hands. He moved over to the freezer and grabbed a frozen package of peas that your family never ate. You all used it whenever one of you would get a bruise. He moved behind you and held it against your back without warning. Flinching forward from the unexpected temperature change, you winced with the wave of pain moving brought you. 
“Shit, sorry.”
“You’re good. Just give me a little warning next time,” you chuckled. He gently placed it back on your back and you sighed from the slight relief that it brought you. You leaned into the peas and closed your eyes. “That feels amazing.”
“I bet. That bruise was pretty bad yesterday, can I look at it again?”
You reluctantly left the sanctuary that was the medical grade frozen peas and leaned forward, moving your hair out of the way for him. “Knock yourself out.”
He made a hissing noise as soon as he moved your shirt out of the way. “Dad, it probably looks worse than it feels.”
“...Have you seriously not looked at this yet? It looks pretty bad, hun.”
“Well, sorry I can’t move to look at my back without being in pain. I’ll try harder next time.” You snarked him.
“Hey, watch the attitude. Here, I’ll take a picture so you can see how bad it is.”
You heard the rustling of fabric as he fished his phone out of his pocket and the obnoxiously loud click of his camera app. You turned around to look at the damage. You squinted at his bright phone screen. Your entire back was swollen in some areas and was covered in ugly reds, blues, blacks, and purples. You made a disgusted noise in the back of your throat and cringed away from the screen. You always got nauseous seeing injuries.
“Yikes.”
“Yikes isn’t the only word I would use, it’s bad (y/n).”
“It looks worse than it feels, I promise. I’m gonna go get ready so we’re not late to my appointment. It sounds like the boys are finally done with the bathroom.”
You hobbled up the stairs slowly and made your way to the bathroom. The door was wide open ready for you to use. Turning on the light, you closed the door in a hurry so that your brothers wouldn’t try to get in again to hog the bathroom like they usually did. You frowned at your appearance. Your hair was sticking up in every direction and you had dark eye bags around your dull looking eyes. A few pimples dotted your skin like constellations in the night sky, but much uglier and more out of place. Turning your body, you scanned your figure. Your eyes watered as you realized that you had gained some weight. Adrian, Sammy, and Annie were right, you looked like garbage all the time.
You ripped your eyes away from yourself in the mirror with disgust etched deep into your features. You were disgusting through and through. Ripping your brush through your hair, you winced at the pain emanating from the back of your head. You deserve the pain for letting yourself go. Once you were slightly more satisfied with your appearance, you stepped out of the bathroom and quickly changed into the clothes you would wear today. You decided on a hoodie and a pair of tights. You didn’t feel like dressing yourself up. 
You once again walked down the stairs and slipped on your shoes to meet your dad in his car. You idly scrolled through your phone while you waited for him, looking at your notifications for the first time that day. You had ten texts from the group chat that you were in with Adrian, Annie, and Sammy.
Sammy <3
(Y/n) where the hell are you?
Adrian <3
Do you guys think she ditched us?
I knew she was ignoring us
Sammy <3
Who ignores their friends?
Annie <3
(Y/n) apparently. 
She has more important things to do ig
Oh my god
Do you guys think she skipped school?
Adrian <3
I wouldn’t put it past her
Maybe she finally gave up
(Y/n)
I’m sorry guys, I just have a doctor’s appointment today
I would never ignore you
Sammy <3
Yk, it’s hard to keep defending you when you keep ditching us..
(Y/n)
I’m not ditching you!
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you guys about my appointment
I’ll make it up to you guys
Adrian <3
How?
You’ve already skipped out on us enough already
Annie <3
Oh ik!
She can write our final research paper for us Dri!
I haven’t started it yet lmao
Adrian <3
Saaaame lmaoooo
Sammy <3
Guys, what about me???
Adrian <3
Idk, figure it out yourself
Sammy <3
Rude!
Uhhh
Ur gonna put together my final presentation for us history
(Y/n)
Alright, I can do that for you guys
Sam can you pls send me the rubric? 
Annie <3
Thanks love ;)
(Y/n)
No problem, I like doing things for friends
My dad’s coming, I gotta go
Talk to you guys later
Adrian <3
Byeeee (y/n), ur the best!
(Y/n)
: ) <3
You put your phone down as your dad started up the car and pulled out of the driveway. The drive was quiet as you stared out the window and thought about how much work you now had to do. On top of your own classes, you had two more to write and a presentation to make in a class you hadn’t taken since the first semester in your sophomore year. The research papers had to be at least four full pages long with a minimum of ten sources each due on Friday and you had no idea how big Sammy’s US history presentation has to be or what it’s even about. But that was fine, you’d do anything for your friends. 
“So, who were you texting? Your boyfriend?” He asked jokingly.
“Oh, just Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. I don’t have a boyfriend Dad,” because you were a closeted lesbian, but you wouldn’t tell him that anytime soon. “You know that.”
“I know,” he chuckled, “it’s been a while since I’ve seen them. How have they been?”
“They’re good. Adrian got a job at the diner, he’s a host. Sammy and Annie have been focusing more on raising their grades.”
“Good for them! You should invite them over for dinner sometime.”
“I was actually thinking that I could maybe go hang out with them on Halloween...?”
“(Y/n), the family was going to take Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating.”
“I know, but there’s always next year. Plus, we haven’t been able to hang out in so long! We’re always free at different times.”
“I don’t know (y/n), what if they don’t want to trick-or-treat next year? What were you planning on doing with them?”
“We were just gonna hang out at Annie’s house and watch some horror movies,” you lied. He would never let you go if he knew you were going to a party. Especially one where alcohol would be involved and hormonal teenage boys ran rampant actively scouting for an easy lay.
“...I’ll think about it.” The car pulled into the doctor office’s parking lot.
“Thank you Dad! It’s been a while since we’ve all hung out together.”
He chuckled as you both walked into the lobby, checked in, and waited for your name to be called. About ten minutes later, you were summoned by a nurse so you went into the back leaving your dad to wait in the lobby. The nurse recorded your height and weight (much to your dismay, you gained four pounds) and asked you the standard questions about your injury and uncomfortable questions about your overall health. The clacking of her acrylic nails on the plastic keyboard filled the awkward silence.
Once that was done, she left and you had to wait a little bit for the doctor. After slipping into the backless gown the nurse left, you mindlessly scrolled on your phone. Jumping when someone knocked on the door, you looked up to see your family’s doctor smiling at you.
“Hello (y/n), how are we feeling today?”
“I’m alright.”
“I hear that you had quite the fall onto some concrete, is that true?”
“Yes, I landed on my back and the back of my head.”
She reached over and squirted hand sanitizer onto her hands, rubbing it in and looking back at you. “Can you please lay on your stomach so I can take a look at your back?”
You nodded, shifting on the uncomfortable paper covered cushioned table onto your stomach. You felt her cold hands gently graze your bruises before she pulled out her stethoscope. “Can you take a good deep breath in for me?”
You complied and she instructed you to let it out. Doing this multiple times along your back, she put her stethoscope away and continued prodding at your exposed back. 
“There’s definitely some swelling in multiple areas… It doesn’t feel or sound like you cracked or broke any ribs, which is excellent… Do you have any pain deep in your shoulder when you move it?”
“Yes, I landed on it wrong last night at my volleyball match.”
“How would you describe your pain? Stabbing, sore, throbbing…”
“More sore, but a little stabbing pain when I move my arm.”
She moved her fingers to examine your shoulder. “It doesn’t sound like a sprain or fracture, can you move it up and down for me?”
You moved your arm up and down, front and back, and side to side. “You still have a full range of movement, that’s good. Can I have you sit back up again?”
You sat back up and she started testing you for a concussion. After passing her tests, you were cleared of having a concussion. “Alright (y/n), it appears that you only strained your deltoid and teres muscles and you have severe bruising along your back. Make sure you ice your back and, if you have one, wear a shoulder compression sleeve. Anti-inflammatory medications such as Ibuprofen will help with the swelling. Other than that, you have a clean bill of health! You can still participate in volleyball practices, but you need to take it easy. Don’t do anything that will strain the muscles any further.”
“Thank you Dr. Samson,” you smiled at her. 
“You’re welcome. I’ll leave you to change back into your clothes and you’re free to go! You may leave the gown on the table.”
She left the room and you redressed yourself. Walking out to the lobby, Philza’s head perked up when he heard the door opening. He stood up and walked over to you with a slightly worried face. You both walked back out to the car.
“So?”
“Dr. Samson said that I don’t have a concussion, sprains or broken bones. She told me that I just strained my shoulder muscles and I need to keep ice on my back.”
He visibly slumped in relief. “Thank god. What’d she say about volleyball?”
“She said that I could keep playing, but I have to take it easy.”
“Good, wouldn’t want you missing finals on Thursday. Do you know if the team you’re playing is any good?”
“Dad, of course they’re good, we’re the top two teams in the area.”
“I bet their setter is nowhere near as good as you are and I bet the setter and spiker aren’t as synced as you and Haley are. You two make a good pair.” 
“Yeah we do, don’t we?” You looked out the window and smiled a little and felt your ears turn red. The very mention of Haley’s name was enough to make you feel like you were on cloud nine. The car fell silent again as you neared your high school. 
In your AP world history class, the class was looking at the test you had taken yesterday. Surprisingly, you got a 74% on the multiple choice part and a 50% on your essay portion, so that landed you with a just below passing grade. You thought you completely flunked that test yesterday, so that was a pleasant surprise. It took a good portion out of your overall grade in the class, lowering it from a comfortable A- to a slightly alarming B. You supposed it could’ve been a lot worse. Besides reviewing your tests, the class didn’t do much except starting the reading for the next chapter.
Your psychology online class went like it usually did, however your phone blew up with texts about midway through the block. Glancing down, you saw that it was Haley. Shouldn’t she be in class?
Hales : )
(Y/n) meet me in the locker room right after school
I need to talk to you before practice starts
It’s an emergency
(Y/n)
What’s going on?
Hales : )
I’ll explain after school.
Can’t talk about it over text
(Y/n)
Alright, see ya then ig
You felt your gut twinge. Something’s wrong, but you didn’t know what. You were worried about Haley, usually she was really bubbly. You’ve never seen the senior act so strange before. You could only wait the block out until the bell would release you from the confines of the library and into the locker room. After sending a quick text to your brothers that you were going to stay after school for your practice, you stared blankly at your laptop’s clock as you counted down the minutes left in the class period. Ten minutes. Eight minutes. Four minutes. Two minutes. Thirty seconds-
You shot up from your seat as the bell rang. Pushing past some groups of freshmen that congregated in the hallways, you made a beeline for the locker room. In the locker room, you found Haley sitting on the metal bench on the opposite end of the locker room with her back facing the last row of lockers and facing the brick wall. She was clenching her phone in her hand with an iron grip. You hurried to sit next to her.
“Hales, what’s going on? Talk to me.”
“It’s bad (y/n). Like, really bad.”
“What’s bad? You’re worrying me.”
Wordlessly, she unlocked her phone and handed it to you. On the screen was something that you weren’t expecting to see. You scrolled through the contents and felt your stomach drop with each scroll; someone took pictures of you and Haley throughout the match last night. Every picture was a violation to yours and Haley’s dignities, they had gotten zoomed in pictures of your boobs and asses. Deeper, there were even pictures taken of you changing into your volleyball uniform through your open window. You were only in your underwear. Haley had a similar picture that you scrolled past as fast as you could. Scrolling to the bottom of the text message thread, the person that sent Haley the pictures added a caption to the last picture. It was a picture of you and Haley together celebrating your match, her arm slung around your shoulder with your mouth open mid-laugh.
Unknown
I’m sending these out to the entire school unless you stop hanging around her.
If you tell anyone, the pics will be printed off and put in every single locker and bathroom the school has.
You’ll be the sluts of Klinkver High. 
Cut all ties now. You have two days. 
Do not try me.
“Jesus christ Haley. Who the fuck would do this? This is sick.”
She took her phone back and locked it without looking at the screen. “I don’t know (y/n). I wanted to tell you not to openly talk to me for a few days. We don’t know who took these, we don’t know what they’re capable of. I don’t wanna risk angering them.”
“We can find them! If we look close enough, we might find a few clues where they were sitting. Do you remember seeing anything suspicious last night?”
“(Y/n), our best option is to leave it. We just can’t talk in person anymore; we can still text each other.”
“Hales, how are we gonna not talk? I’m your setter.”
She ran a hand through her thick black hair. “I don’t know (y/n). Just-just don’t talk to me anymore, I don’t want your pictures leaked.”
“I don’t care about my pictures. My name’s been drug through so much shit this past year that it won’t affect me. I don’t want your stuff leaked.”
She gave a watery laugh, “you care too much, I love that about you…” Glistening eyes turned to look deep into your own. “I’m so scared (y/n), I don’t know what to do.”
You pulled her into a hug, wincing slightly when she squeezed her arms around your upper back. She buried her face into your shoulder and started shaking with muffled sobs. “Haley, I promise I’ll catch whatever sick bastard is doing this to you. You don’t deserve this.”
She said nothing as you rested your chin on the top of her head and started to rock her back and forth slowly. You two stayed like that even after her sobbing resided, finding comfort in each other’s presence. Glancing at the clock, you realized that you two have been in the locker room for an hour. Practice was set to start in fifteen minutes, people were going to start coming into the locker room soon. 
You reluctantly pulled away from the hug and looked Haley in her bloodshot eyes, “I’m not going to let those pictures of you get leaked. I swear on my-”
The door to the locker room swung open and loud laughter echoed throughout the room. Haley pushed you away and speed walked off to a bathroom stall, slamming the door shut behind her. 
“Damn (y/n), what’d you do? She’s pissed.” 
“It’s none of your business, Zara.” 
“Oh, so it’s a lover’s quarrel then~” She cackled, her hair bouncing slightly with each heave of her shoulders. 
“For the love of… Haley and I aren’t dating, we’re both straight.” She’s straight.
“Mmhm.” She brushed past you to go to her locker. You followed her, your locker was in the grouping next to hers. You shared the area with Haley. You changed as fast as you could so that Haley would have time to change before practice starts. Speed walking into the gym, Zara was hot on your trail wearing a shit eating grin.
“Why are you in such a rush? Giving your girlfriend the silent treatment?”
“Zara. We aren’t dating. For the last time, we’re both heterosexual, not homosexual!” You wildly gestured with your hands to emphasize your point, your voice being amplified by the vast gym. Coach Williams gave you a confused look from across the gym. 
“You just keep telling yourself that.”
“I’m serious.”
“Hi serious,” a soft voice replied from behind you, “I’m Jazzy.”
You groaned at the pun at the same time Zara started cackling, giving the short libero a high five. “Nice!”
“That was so bad, Jaz.” You couldn’t help the smile that found its way onto your face.
Zara poked your cheek with a wide grin. “C’mon, you’re smiling!”
“I am and I hate it.”
Your bickering continued with Jazzy watching you two with a content smile. The remaining members of the team (Haley, Marlene, and Zuri) filed into the gym right as Coach Williams blew her whistle. 
Practice went by slowly without Haley talking to you. Sure, you had the rest of the team, but it didn’t feel the same with you guys ignoring each other. If the team or Coach Williams noticed you two not talking to each other, they didn’t say anything. By time practice was over, you all went to the locker room to change. After slipping into your fuzzy pajama pants, you sat on the bench and texted Wilbur to come pick you up. He was supposed to pick you up after practice today because he and Techno took the car home after school. Five minutes passed and he still didn’t reply. He probably won’t see the text until you got home from walking.
You sighed, resting your chin in your palm as you leaned forward. One by one, the girls left the locker room until it was only you and Haley left. 
“Do you need a ride (y/n)?” She asked gently.
“But what if the person sees us together? I can just walk home, it’s not really a big deal.”
She rolled her eyes at you. “It is a big deal. It’s cold and dark out. You could get kidnapped or something. You don’t even have a coat with you. I’m giving you a ride whether you like it or not.”
You playfully rolled your eyes at her and stood up to walk next to her, “okay, mom.”
“Don’t give me that attitude young lady.”
“You can’t tell me what to do, you’re not my real mom!”
She gasped and lightly smacked the back of your shoulder, “I married your- are you alright? Shit, I didn’t hurt you did I?”
“No, you’re good. It’s just this damned bruise.”
She moved her hands and frantically turned you around to pull the neck of your shirt down. You two stood in front of the school’s main entrance with the nauseatingly bright fluorescent light bouncing off the reflective surface of the tiles. The orange tinted street lights lit up the sidewalk outside.
“(Y/n)-”
“I know what you’re gonna say.”
She scoffed, “oh really? What am I gonna say then, o wise one?”
You turned around to face her, “‘oh, this is bad, yadda yadda yadda.’ Everyone’s been saying that about it. Honestly it looks worse than it feels. Tis but a scratch, m’lady.”
She snorted and covered her mouth, “never call me ‘m’lady’ ever again.”
You started to walk to her car in the empty parking lot. “Or what? What’re ya gonna do?”
“I swear to god, (y/n), I’m gonna leave you here.”
“Do it, pussy. Bet you won’t.”
“You really wanna bet?”
You grinned at her, “hell yeah.”
She broke off into a mad dash to her car, laughing freely into the night sky. You chased after her trying not to move your arms much, your laugh mixing with hers like a perfect symphony composed of the world’s best musicians. The sound of your rubber soles slapping the pavement resonated throughout the parking lot as you quickly gained on her. Reaching out to grab her shirt, she smirked at you and sharply turned to the right into the grass.
You grinned as her pace slowed down slightly. You’d be able to catch her at this pace. You pushed your legs to move faster as she looked at you from over her shoulder and shrieked in surprise at how close you were to her. You cackled at her reaction, reaching out once again, you grabbed her hand. She was stopped dead in her tracks as your shoulder was yanked with the sudden momentum, making you hiss in slight pain. Despite that, you didn’t let go of her soft hand. 
You both stood there under the moonlight and the soft orange street lamps trying to  catch your breath. The slightly damp blades of grass tickled your ankle as you shifted to face her better. Through gasping breaths and a dopey grin, you said “you… lost, pussy.”
She let out a breathy laugh as she pulled you to her car. “Shuddup.”
“Make me~”
She opened the passenger side door for you and got into the driver's seat. Her car smelled like vanilla and citrus. “Oh, you will later when I make you do more sets in weight lifting tomorrow, hurt shoulder be damned.”
She turned on the ignition and the car revved to life, soft indie pop wafted from the speakers. She backed out of the parking space and sped off to the main road. “You wouldn’t…”
“I’m your captain, (y/n). I can make you do whatever I want.” You felt your cheeks heat up a tad. You were happy that she couldn’t see you.
“Naw, you’re too much of a softie for that. Admit it, I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger.”
She chuckled as she pulled into your driveway and put the car in park. “...Alright, maybe you do. Just a bit.”
She turned to look at you. She looked stunning with the shadows accentuating the contours of her face perfectly. You found yourself glancing at her lips and leaning slightly towards you. To your surprise, she started leaning into you as well. Before your lips could finally mesh together, she pulled back with a sigh and ran her hand through her hair. You felt a rush of disappointment and fear course through your veins. She didn’t like you like that, you should’ve known better. You were so stupid. So, so stu-
“I can’t (y/n). I want to kiss you so bad, but we can’t. Not yet at least. Not until we find the pervert that took those pictures of us.”
You sighed, “right.”
The car was filled with awkward silence. Not even the soft music streaming from the speakers could alleviate the awkwardness. God, you really screwed up your friendship, didn’t you? Sammy, Adrian, and Annie were right; you messed up everything you touched.
You coughed, “I think I’m gonna…”
“Yeah…”
You grabbed your bag and walked into your house, the smell of chicken slapping you in the face instantly. Without checking in with your dad, you hurried up the stairs, desperate for the warm comfort of your bed. That, and if you wanted to get Sammy’s presentation and Adrian’s, Annie’s, and your research papers done by Friday, you had to start as soon as you could. You were going to skip dinner for tonight, you’d just grab more breakfast tomorrow morning. 
You plopped on your bed and got started on your research paper. Luckily, you already had all of the sources you were planning on using and the rough outline of each body paragraph, so writing the actual paper wasn’t going to take long. You worked until you heard a knock at your door. 
“(Y/n),” Techno’s monotone voice called out, “dinner’s ready.”
“Tell Dad I’m not hungry. Practice’s got me beat, I’m going to bed soon.”
He grunted, “you know he’s not gonna like that right?”
You felt frustration start to swim circles around your chest, “Techno, just tell him that I’m not hungry right now. Please.”
“Damn, you don’t need to be like that. I’ll tell him.”
You heard his stomping footsteps thumping down the hall. Shit, you pissed him off. You were a terrible person, he was just trying to get you to eat something, Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill from your eyes, you forced the panic that was starting to swirl around your body in laps deep into your being. You didn’t have time to deal with your failures and stupid emotions, you had to get this done. You didn’t have time to think about Haley’s warm breath ghosting across your lips. You didn’t have time to think about how she probably regretted almost kissing you. You didn’t have time to fall into an anxiety spiral, you needed to focus if you wanted Adrian, Annie, and Sammy to forgive you. You ruined yours and Haley’s friendship and did the same to yours and Techno’s. They were the only ones you had left. You needed to be a better friend.
Taglist (comment if you want to be added or if I missed you, it won’t let me tag some tumblrs :((( ):
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secondhand-trash · 4 years ago
Text
If I Only Knew Your Name
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A/N: so this was an idea I got while mindlessly picking songs to listen to on Spotify’s Indie rock playlist and came across this one song that just made me want to write something about it hehe accidentally put this aside for a whole month but I’m so glad that it’s here now lmao I had a lot of fun writing this
Pairing: Miya Atsumu x reader
Description: After a drunken night of passion, Atsumu had nothing he could find you with, not even your name. So he took the matter into his own hands and tried to search for you using the power of the internet.
Warning: drunken one night stand, suggestive descriptions, Atsumu is an embarrassment and I sure hope you cringe while you read it as much as I did when I was writing it
Word count: 9453
The song:
Young Love (feat. Laura Marling)//Mystery Jets, Laura Merling
-
One night of love
Nothing more nothing less
One night of love
Had left my heart in a mess
-
You woke up with a sharp pain spiking down your back, in a room you were sure you had never been to, on a bed that wasn’t yours.
Your head was heavy and every cell in your body screaming that you just wanted to fall asleep again when you stirred awake. You would have, had it not been the fact that you were not in your own room slowly started to settle in. There was a brief moment of blankness in your mind as you took in your surroundings. The room was still dim, the sun barely shining through the windows that were half covered by the shades. The domestic messiness crossed out the possibility that you were in a hotel room or some odd space behind the club you clearly remembered being at last night. 
You did not move as your eyes glanced around the space. Trophies and picture frames were lining up on the shelf at the corner, all of names and faces you couldn’t match up with any of the ones that you remembered. The linen covers you were sitting under was sturdy on your skin, a dark red on top of brown sheets that you would have never bought for your mattress. The scent of the fabric was foreign to you, making your morning state of mind more and more alarmed at the amount of information you were trying to take in. You had to admit that it was very soft on the skin, not the slightest bit uncomfortable as it rubbed against your bare arm when the duvet fell off of your body as you sat up.
You felt a moment of frantic terror at the registration of your own bareness, with your legs feeling terribly cramped, waking up on a bed that you did not remember getting into.
Everything clicked when you stiffly turned to your side, and found someone laying next to you.
The broad back facing your side had you clutching the sheets up to cover your torso that now felt chilly with the lack of layers. The man, whose name you did not think you know and what you had done with him last night you could not remember but was certainly able to guess, was still soundly in his sleep. Now that you were painstakingly unable to ignore his presence, you picked up on the soft snores that lingered in the air, making your legs that were rubbing against each other under what you could only assume to be his spreads tense up as the picture of what happened to get you right where you were slowly got clear. 
You would prefer not to think about it in detail, albeit the fact that it getting vivid in your mind sent a trail of heat from your core right onto your face and burning out the fuse in your head.
There was a slither of shame and guilt as you found yourself staring hazily at the man, his sculpted back spasming with each breath. Your hand gripping at the sheets in front of your chest only served to pull it further down his torso, revealing the dip at his waist and his arms that curled tighter against his body with a shiver. Blonde hair sprawled out messily on the pillow, and you felt chills creeping up your spine at the recoil of your fingers fisting those locks and brushing against the fuzzy patch of his undercut as he hovered above you.
Panting, grunting, moaning.
Your skin burnt up at the lingering feeling of a firm grip on your legs, the warm trail of his lips down your neck, and the unmistakable dullness between your thighs.
The heat settled into the pit of your stomach as a weight, twisting your guts until it resembled what felt like a bitter mix of shame and guilt.
Fuck, you slept with an absolute stranger last night.
You bite back a groan, slamming your hands against your face before letting them run down in a weak attempt to clear your head.
This was why you never go to clubs anymore.
The jolt of your body as you sat up straight pushed the sheets off of you and you winced at the soft whimper from the person next to you at the sudden movement. Your naked state was simply uncomfortable, not feeling like you were in your own skin at all as ironic as this was. You couldn’t help but hug your arms around your frame as you frantically looked around to see where your clothes and belongings were, letting out a relieved sigh when you saw the clothes you wore last night littering across the floor in all its messy glory. 
Your clothes were all wrinkled up from the careless placement, a clear display of the passion and impulse when they were being taken off. Your hands were the same kind of frantic as you rushed to put everything back on, not caring about tugging them in properly or the fact that you did not even look into a mirror at all to see if you were at least presentable. 
You did not hear the groan from the man that tossed over to his side on the bed as you slipped out of the bedroom, careful in softening your steps as you let the door clicked and darting your eyes around to see where the rest of your things were.
If you remembered correctly from the weak reconstruction of what happened last night, then your clutch should be somewhere near the door.
The giggle that slipped past your lips as he swung the door shut turned into a laugh when he latched onto you immediately. You could taste the hint of vodka lingering on his lips, bundling up your senses together with the warm breaths against your neck when he trailed down. It was like floating on a cloud, the way you latched yourself on this handsome man and he seemed to be unable to get enough of you. You barely heard the thump of what you were holding in your hand landing on the floor as your limbs went weak, swinging your arms around his broad shoulders when your mouth fell agape as he sucked down on the soft spot right on your neck.
It was right where you left it last night, the one and only clutch that you felt was suitable for you to bring to a club. There was a hint of hesitation as you rushed to pick it up, holding it in your hand when you thought of the person who you had left on the bed by himself.
What do people do after a one night stand? Talk? Have breakfast together? Or in your case, ask them for their name because you did not remember one thing that happened before you stepped into these doors?
Dear god, no.
So you did the only logical thing you could think of, and rushed out of the door without even looking back.
It wasn’t until you were far away from the apartment building you ran out of, the weight of your body shifting from leg to leg as you waited for the train to slowly drive into the station that something did not feel right to you. Your fingers fidgeted in reflex as you shoved yourself past the small gap between each person stuffed into the cart, a bad habit you had formed as a kid when you were nervous.
Your heart fell into the pit of your stomach when the lack of metal brushing against the tip of your finger finally clicked in your head.
You cussed under your breath, knowing exactly where the thin, gold band must be.
-
Miya Atsumu woke up with a pounding headache, in his own apartment that he forgot how he got back to, on his bed that somehow felt emptier than usual.
At first, all he could focus on was the clear hungover that he was suffering from. His tongue felt dry and he scrunched his face up at the bitterness as he tried to gulp. The half-drawn curtains were not doing it in shielding the sun that already came out, making him squeeze his eyes tight and blinked a few times before finally adjusting to the brightness. Stretching out on the bed, Atsumu whined at the soreness pulling at his muscles, feeling his joints pop as he arched his back and sprawled over to the other side of the bed.
He froze in place, arms still spread over his head and legs bundling up the sheets, before jolting up in one rapid movement only to wince at the horrible spinning in his head at the rush of blood up to his already heavy head.
Yet, dizziness and all that, Atsumu was sure that the feeling of someone being here with him last night definitely wasn’t just a drunkness induced illusion.
He groaned at the untimely pang of pain that pulsed at his temple, ruffling his hands through the locks of his hair that was tangled up from him tossing around the bed. The slight pull at his scalp at his impatient detangling method made him hiss, but it also served to get his wires just a little more sorted out than before. 
First things first, he was very naked and combining that with the certainty that he must have had someone over, it wasn’t very hard for him to connect the dots. He ran his palm over the ruffled sheets, smoothing out the wrinkles and searched if there was still any hint of warmth left on the fabric. He cursed under his breath when nothing else but coolness met his skin, scolding himself for acting like a fool over some one night stand that did not even wait until he woke up to leave.
There was a lump at the back of his throat as he stayed there, holding onto the hovering position he took on the bed without a single thought.
He snapped out of it when he realised that he was in his own space, just staying still and letting time passed without doing anything. Atsumu had a strong feeling that if he stayed in bed any longer then he would just be miserable for the rest of the day and he really couldn’t afford it if he couldn’t manage to get over himself soon enough. 
For all that it was, there was no bigger asset to his career than this very body that he felt like trash in right now, and god knows how much trouble he would get if people learnt that he let his performance slip because he couldn’t bounce back after a drunken hookup.
His steps were floaty as he climbed off his bed, stumbling into the bathroom and harshly gripping at the faucet. The water streamed out as a strong current and he splashed it against his face in a sadistic force. The coldness was stinging his skin, with no help from the way he rubbed his hands down his face and back up his chin.
He looked terrible, Atsumu thought to himself when he stared at the reflection in front of him. His eyelids were pulled taut with his hand, cheeks squished under his palm before he pulled away meanly. Bloodshot eyes made him wince and his face was so dropsy it looked like he had cried himself to sleep.
A loud slap echoed in the empty bathroom when he clasped his face a bit too hard in a desperate attempt to clear his head. He whined, rubbing the area that went numb and then heated up. There was a slight flush around the area he had slapped down, but he was feeling more in touch with reality afterwards.
Alright, so what happened last night?
It would be a lie if Miya Atsumu said he had never had one night stands. He would argue that he never go out with the intention for one, but sometimes one thing leads to another and it just happens. Some were good, some not really, some he hadn’t really think of until now when he was desperately thinking of what it was that led him to now. 
He hadn’t wakened up with a hungover this bad in a long while. Being in a profession that demands that much of your physiques meant that there was not much room for the more self-destructive type of letting loose. It was strange, Atsumu pinched the center of his brows as one hand on the kitchen counter held his body still, he didn’t quite remember the deeds of what was happened once the door to his room was closed last night.
Wow, he looked up with eyes widened and huffed at no one, that was such a douchebag thing to say.
He, however, remembered the person that stumbled through the door with him in shocking vividness to even his surprise.
He would have to pretend that the lack of follow up did not send a blow to his ego, reassuring himself that there was no way it was because he behaved terribly that the person had to run off before he even woke up. He was bitter about the fact that they had left without leaving even a note, something he had no idea he cared about at all until this very moment when the silence of his home became just short of irritating in his pounding head. 
Could have at least said ‘I had fun last night but I gotta go’.
Atsumu rubbed his temple, slowly rotating his arms backwards to get rid of that dull cramp.
Or maybe leave their number somewhere too.
He paused in his track, standing awkwardly in the middle of his tiny living room.
Did he want their number?
He shook his head violently to rid of the meaningless thought, an act he would immediately regret when he remembered that he was having a hungover as the dizziness made him stumble on his feet. 
A crisp clang after he took a fumbled step to steady himself quieted all of the voices in his head. That was not a sound that aligned with what his brain expected from his worn-out room slippers kicking against the wooden floor. Atsumu held his head as the rang of what sounded like something metallic registered itself in his mind, blinking at the empty space right in front of his feet.
His eyes darted around the floor, searching for whatever it was he must have stepped on to make that sound. Atsumu was ready to settle for the possibility that he was starting to hear things when a quick flash of light from the corner caught his attention. He walked towards where it was, and slowly crouched down.
It was a ring, a very tiny one. It looked rather ridiculous being held between his calloused fingers, the thin golden band arching off the afternoon light that had shined on it. A very simple design with no gems or carvings along the surface, something very much so the opposite to his taste. He knew it was not his, from the size to the tone to the lack of anything all over its rim.
And then he remembered the first time he saw the ring, on someone else’s finger, just last night.
-
Atsumu would not classify himself as a party animal, despite the common speculation shared by people who knew him but not well enough. He could deal with house parties just fine, but clubbing had never been much of his thing ever since he woke up outside the back of a night club once with the worst ring in his ear he had ever experienced. 
If it wasn’t part of his job, he would much rather be anywhere else than this overly opulent club that his team’s sponsor had booked up for their event. But business was business, and if he wanted to keep having his own room in away games then this was the price he had to pay.
Was it a nice club? He couldn’t say, but it sure was an expensive one if he was to make a guess based on the decor. So expensive that it was a bit tacky, if he dares to say. It was like the owner wanted to remind you that this was high-end and decadent. Imagine what you would see in a basic mansion on a real estate agent’s website, then dim it up and add many hi-fis, what you would result with was likely close if not identical to the space he was in. It was loud and hard to escape from, his ear pounding together with the baseline every time it blasted through He would never quite understand rich people, he thought to himself as he took a sip of his drink and scrunched his eyebrows together. He forced down the urge to poke his tongue out at the obvious taste of syrup, trying to pass it off with a cough into his fist as he plopped down on the barstool. 
“How’s your drink?”
The smooth voice reaching into his ear was mismatched to the booming club he was in. Atsumu turned his stool to the side with a push with the heel of his uncomfortable leather shoes and was met with an entertained gaze. You sat with both feet on the footrest of the stool, a posture that seemed rather childish for the night club bar you sat in front of. With your bare forearms lazily placed at the edge of the bar table, your finger tapped casually against the rim of your cocktail glass, the pink liquid inside looking like it was glowing under the neon lights. He could not map out your features too clearly but your head tilted as you looked at him through narrowed eyes, a glimmer behind your lashes from the many lights that hung above your head. 
Miya Atsumu was an adult now and in his adult mind, he knew that the proper answer he should give to a stranger asking about the sugary mixture he just poured down his throat was that it tasted decent, expensive even, like the club he was sitting in now.
“It’s kinda shit,” he felt a strange swell in his chest when you let out an unfiltered snort at his answer, leaning back with his arms folded in front of his chest as he licked his lips, “yours?”
You lifted up the glass and necked down the rest of the coloured water, smacking your lips as the sweetness spread in your mouth. “Like the type of stuff they mark up and sell to high schoolers who couldn’t buy real alcohol.”
The bartender at the side threw you two a sharp look and you two sat up straighter, before bursting into a fit of laughter. He supposed you had to be tipsy at the very least and probably so was he, what sober person giggled like a child over trash talking overpriced liquor at a bar? “Why are you here at this trashy place?” you asked, now resting your chin on your palm with your elbow propping you up.
You did not know him, Atsumu was almost delighted by the fact that you likely just struck a conversation with him because he was another bored person trying to escape to the sidelines of dancing bodies just like you with no other intentions. “Got an invite and couldn’t say no because of work reasons,” he wasn’t exactly lying, he just didn’t say that he was supposed to be one of the main guests of this function.
“Ooo...” you let out a soft whistle, tilting your upper body forward him, “are you a big shot?”
He smirked.
Yes. “Not entirely.”
“Hm...” you sat back, your smile pursed as you tapped your finger on the table, “not denying it, huh?”
The vibration of your hum sent shivers to his spine and he blamed it on the very spiked drink he just gulped down. Atsumu ran his hand through his hair, a move he discovered in his teenage years that could let him smoothly fixed his hair while also flexing his arm. “I try to stay humble,” he replied, earning him a playful eye roll from you.
The melting ice clinked in the glass when he held it up against his lips, still looking at you from the corner of his eyes as he tilted it and let the pungent liquid run down his throat. 
You nodded, returning to the laid back posture you kept before he sat down next to you at the dim corner of the bar table when you realised he wasn’t going to say more. “Fair enough,” you pretended to sound disappointed, holding your hand out in front of you to swiftly turn your attention away.
“You?”
“Got dragged here by a friend who works for the organiser,” you huffed, “don’t even know anyone here besides from them.”
Atsumu felt the warm buzz of the liquor spreading from his stomach to the rest of his body, settling onto his face as a tipsy fever. He did not look away from you and he was sure it was exactly what you wanted, mindlessly toying with your hand as you faced away from him. Your shoulders pulled back as you slid the thin ring off your index finger smoothly with your thumb, twisting it with the tips of your fingers before letting it fell down another one, all while pushing your hips back against the stool as you crossed your legs.
“Nice ring,” he tipped his chin slightly.
“Oh, this one,” you held your hand out to him, spreading your fingers apart to show him. You pulled back just slightly when he reached out, grinning teasingly at him when he quirked his brow up.
“my grandma gave it to me before she passed away,” you sighed, caressing the band that sat on your finger dreamily, “shoved it into my hand on her death bed and made me swore to never lose it, said it was given to her by her first love when she was a girl.”
“Oh,” Atsumu let out a soft gasp, “oh wow, I-”
He rolled his eyes when you broke out into laughter, the longing expression all gone from your face as you let out a hiccup through your giggling. “You don’t really believe that, do you?”
He clicked his tongue, letting out a huff, “Lying isn’t good.”
“Neither is talking to a stranger at a club but I’m still here,” you wet your lips as you flashed a childish smirk, showing him your hand again. He was certain that he was drunk now, because there was no other way he could excuse the pounding in his chest when you didn’t pull away this time as he reached out to hold your hand for a better look.
“I got this as a pack of 5 for 800 yen online,” you said proudly, “quite the deal, if you ask me.”
He hummed in approval, letting out a shaky breath when you slowly pulled your hand out of his grip, the tip of your finger ticking the center of his palm before you lifted it away. It sent electricity trickling down his spine, the feeling of your touch lingering on his skin even as you were steps away from him again, once again staring at him with a smile tugging on your face like you were waiting for his move.
Was it a challenge or was it an invite? Either way, he was ready to take on whatever you were offering.
“You still owe me some sort of compensation for toying with my poor heart like that,” he mused, mimicking the way you leaned towards him from before.
You sniggered, “And what do you want from a poor stranger like me?”
The music playing through the speakers stopped temporarily and for a moment, the projected light illuminated his figure briefly before moving to another spot. You had not taken a good look at him until now, knowing full well that the attractiveness of anyone under the pink, dim glow of the bar was not to be trusted.
But he was really, really good-looking, even when you could actually see his face properly. 
The next song started playing and the party people on the dance floor cheered. The loudness that returned made your head ache and you scrunched your nose in annoyance as the dj yelled into the mic. Atsumu threw his head back as the music returned, tapping his finger against his jaw.
“How about,” he said, knowing that you and he were likely to be on the same page, “you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink somewhere where the drinks aren’t shit?”
You chuckled at his unfiltered suggestion, your laughter slurring into a hum as you grabbed your clutch by the side of the bar. “I can make up to you,” you asked as you stood up, tilting your head to your side, “by letting you pay for me?” 
He nodded, smoothing out his shirt as he got up from his stool too. 
You shrugged, pressing your palm to your face to let the coldness of your hand calm down the heat on your face as you grinned.
“Take me somewhere nice then, big shot.”
Even through his tipsy haze, Atsumu was sure that this was the most irrational thing he had done in a while but as you took his arm while he pulled you through the crowd and out in the open after being stuck in the same space with many drunk and sweaty bodies afterwards, he was quite certain that he couldn’t care less whether this was stupid or not.
If he had any regrets about it, he would just blame it on the alcohol.
-
Now that he was staring at a fake gold ring you got as a pack of 5 for not even a thousand yen, Atsumu could only tear at his own hair in regret when he realised that he didn’t ask for your name or contact at any point during which you went from the first bar to one he actually liked, then to many other because there was no way he would get this drunk after just two drinks, and finally stumbled through the door of his own house, before you disappeared as if you had never been there at all.
It was all the alcohol’s fault, fuck alcohol.
It was not his first time taking a near-stranger home and even though he wouldn’t want to say it out loud to people, he also couldn’t guarantee that this was the last time either. He should just forget about it and move on with his day, maybe make some tea, maybe get some soup to cure this heaviness in his head so he wouldn’t make it too obvious that he hadn’t been taking care of himself the way he really should. After all, there was really nothing he could do about it since he didn’t know anything about you other than what you looked like and that you wore cheap jewelry. But it left a strange tightness in his chest when he toyed with the gold ring in his hand, knowing full well that drunk or not he did enjoy his time with you even before it really got to the fun fun part.
He really should have just asked for your name like a normal person instead of trying to look cool and mysterious the moment you talked to him at the bar.
Miya Atsumu let out a sigh no one was there to hear as he slowly accepted the fact that not only was he hungover, he was also hung up, and put the only evidence he had of you ever being there with him into the key tray by his door.
He would figure out what to do with it later but for now, he was starving. 
So Atsumu set off for the only one place he could think of that couldn’t kick him out no matter how annoying of a customer he was.
“Say, Samu...” 
Miya Osamu sighed, putting the plate he was drying at the side and let the damped towel fell from his hand onto the side of the sink. His twin had finished his food a long while ago yet he was refusing to leave, planting his face down at his counter like a pile of mush as he took up the precious space of Onigiri Miya’s bar seat. Osamu liked to think that he was a supportive brother , by all means. He fed Atsumu, listened to his childish whines and didn’t kick him out when he started getting so loud that the other patrons sent him a worried glance. Maybe he should have pretended that he was about to head out for errands when he saw his twin marching in, slumping down on the stool like he owned the place (Miya Atsumu claimed that he had unlimited access by relation, Miya Osamu denied it with his life and told all his employees to just kick his twin out if he said that bullshit to them).
He was so nice, Osamu thought to himself, he was far too nice.
“What is it?” he said, crossing his arms in front of his chest when he heard Atsumu’s muffled voice.
“Do you think it’s possible to fall in love with someone without knowing their name?”
Oh god, what was he up to again?
“Depends,” Osamu snorted, picking his towel again when he realised that it was nothing too serious that he should stop his work to listen to, “if it happens to someone else, then sure, maybe, everything is possible. But if you're telling me that you think you’re in love with someone you don’t know,” he paused, before breaking into a wide grin, “I think I might laugh.”
“Hey!” Atsumu yelled, his fist slamming on the counter as he snapped his head up. The bang caught the attention of several other customers at the shop and Osamu sent them an apologetic bow before glaring at Atsumu who was rubbing his aching hand for slapping it against the wooden surface. “I’m being serious,” he muttered.
“Alright then,” Osamu nodded absent-mindedly, "so what are you going to do about it?”
Atsumu’s raised hand froze in the air before he slowly, robotically put it down, down, down until it was back on the counter together with the rest of his upper body.
Osamu’s nodding got firmer now, letting out yet another snigger, “Thought so.”
Atsumu let out a groan, deflating onto the counter more and more with each whine. He looked sad and pathetic, even more so than he usually was and even Osamu who was born immune to whatever teary rent he put on was starting to get concerned.
“Was the sex really that good?”
“it is not about the sex,” Atsumu mumbled, leaning his chin on top of his folded arms as he sighed, “I just... think we had a connection.”
Osamu laughed, the ugly kind, and earned himself a sharp glare. “A connection, huh?” he giggled, “you’re down bad.”
“It’s not funny...”
Hiccuping as he tried to calm himself down, Osamu placed a hand onto the kitchen counter to steady himself as his body vibrated. 
“I still think you’re overreacting,” Osamu took in a deep breath, catching up after finally regaining his posture, “besides, you’re technically a public figure, right? If you can’t find them, why don’t you just try and get them to find you instead?”
Atsumu’s hiss about how he wasn’t overreacting stuck at the back of his throat when paused and thought of what Osamu had suggested.
“Huh,” he sat up a little straighter, eyes rolling inside of their sockets as he pondered, “that’s actually not a bad idea.”
"Of course it’s not,” Osamu huffed, “I’m the smart twin.”
“What did you just-”
Osamu ignored Atsumu’s glare, turning around to resume his work now that he seemed to have fulfilled his responsibility as a brilliant, amazing brother. He gave it a month, no, two weeks max before his brother forgot all about this person and moved on as if Atsumu had never shown up in front of his door with puffy eyes and a love-sick expression. 
Oh, he just couldn’t wait to hear all the excuses and denial when he brought it up again the next time they get into a petty argument.
-
It was a terrible idea.
The Inarizaki volleyball alumni group chat exploded when the first post of what would be many to come was published for the world to see. Suna Rintarou, always so quick with capturing his old teammates embarrassing moments, kicked Atsumu out before he sent out links, screenshots, and pinged every single member of the group who did not read his message immediately. Miya Osamu refused to speak up about it, keep denying that he knew anything about it.
“I do not know this person,” his fingers hurt from how fast he was typing, not even bothering to correct the typos in his message before hitting send to clear his name, “I have no idea what has gotten into him but I’m not responsible for it.”
He was, in fact, telling the truth. Osamu was just as shocked and wide-eyed as everyone else was when he came across his twin’s post on Instagram as he scrolled through his feed mindlessly after work. Let us just say that all his sleepiness was gone when he saw his twin’s pretentious selfie of him standing in front of a window (shirtless), his hand holding onto the frame as he looked out into the grey sky. The posture was optimal for him to flex his back, letting the light seeping out around his frame do the trick of accentuating his muscles. Atsumu’s face was not entirely in the frame but Osamu did not need to see to know that he had his eyebrows furrowed, his gaze lowered into a look that was supposed to convey the message of “wow look at me, I’m so sad, and I’m also hot”.
Miya Osamu felt a metallic ting in his mouth when he imagined Atsumu’s face, so heart-wrenchingly similar to his own, making that look.
He got spammed by the group chat as soon as he clicked out of the app in horror, refusing to look at that monstrosity any longer. Ginjima was losing his mind, Akagi sent out strings of just him keyboard smashing, Oomimi replied with a very concerned sticker and proceed to not show up again, Kita who was not actually on Instagram at all said it wasn’t very nice of them to make fun of their friend like that but also didn’t quit the group chat himself. Ojiro was the last one to reply, seeming to be rather irritated after Suna kept tagging him and tagging him until he finally went online. Unlike the others who were still comprehending what had possibly got into their friend, he sent out a screenshot but this time with the caption of the post highlighted.
“Is he ok? Did he got dumped or something?”
Osamu did not look at the caption before it was brought to his attention, already feeling the impact sufficiently enough from the visual itself. He felt chills running through his arms and spreading to his entire body when he glanced at the string of words, his face scrunching up in disgust at how any sane person could type it out with their own hands.
“My world had not seen light since the day you left it without saying goodbye.”
He silently switched his status to “do not disturb” when the group chat exploded once again, knowing exactly what this was and that he was fully responsible for the pain he was experiencing right now.
Osamu tried to convince Atsumu that if anyone saw these, the only thing it would persuade them to do was run away instead of reaching out to him but it was to no avail. He was convinced that this was romantic and if he kept it up, it would create enough buzz that would possibly lead the stranger he was hoping to stumble across one of these painfully awful posts and recognise him. The posts kept coming and every day, Osamu felt more and more of an impulse to just block him for good so he wouldn’t have to open his feed each day with the fear of seeing things he did not want to see. 
One day, on a beautiful weekend morning, when he finally had time to sit down and have a nice breakfast without rushing, Osamu opened his feed to see a glorious picture of his twin chest down (shirtless) on the bed, with the camera panning up to close up on his face from below. The blanket covered Atsumu’s torso loosely, showing just enough of his waist but not too much that he would get flagged. He had the lower half of his face behind his forearm, staring into the camera with such a sultry stare it made Osamu’s skin crawl.
“If I can start over, I’ll give up all I have just for another night with you.”
Osamu nearly didn’t manage to hold himself back from spitting out the water in his mouth.
The word slowly spread among the community. Suna, ever the enthusiastic teammate he was, shared his recently discovered source of joy with fellow EJP Raijin member Komori Motoya, who in turn spammed the latter’s cousin who had no choice but to acknowledge his teammate’s questionable online presence. Sakusa didn’t think he could ever have such a reaction to something that was not physically there to bother him and proceed to show it to the nearest person he could grab in the locker room, but not without reporting the post for containing unsettling images. 
If he had to suffer, then he must make sure that there was someone else suffering with him too. Sakusa had no intention of being the only person who had to see Miya’s pretentious bathroom selfie where he stared into the camera all while running his fingers through dampened hair along with a caption Sakusa did not even want to read in his head. The “someone”, captain Meian Shugo who was really not paid enough for this, sighed as he wondered if this was worth reporting to management as a potential pr crisis. Tomas, somewhat curious by the look on his captain’s face, asked if this was the current social media trend in Japan to which all the players present fought to clear that misconception from his head in order to defend their nation’s honour. 
Bokuto looked it up after hearing about the whispers and chats between breaks. “Why, this isn’t that bad!” he said cheerfully, “There are people complimenting him in the comments too! Look!” 
The rest of the team spent a good chunk of time convincing him that he should think more cautiously about it when he suggested that perhaps he should try to take on this dynamic posing style for his social media accounts too.
It sure did stir up quite the storm among his fellow athletes and the many fans that were wondering what exactly, or who exactly, it was that caused this sudden shift in his behaviour online. The few people who knew the reason for Atsumu’s melancholy, namely Osamu and some others who could not escape from a venting Atsumu, were almost certain that you would have to at least see his face somehow. If he was still hearing nothing, then it was probably about time he gives up and accepts that you just didn’t want anything to do with him.
One thing that these men who put their entire lives into volleyball failed to take into account, however, was that not every person in the world was particularly interested in the sport that lived and breathed. For people who only heard about the sport if the Olympics were coming up, whatever the players were up to in their private lives was probably not something they would care too much about.
Sadly, for Miya Atsumu, the exact person he was looking for was one of those people.
“The fans are starting to go crazy, no one has any idea what is going on with him,” you pulled your phone slightly further away from your poor ears as your friend let out an exasperated yell from the other end of the call. 
They lost you when they started talking about this athlete they had a celeb crush on and how they had been acting very strange in their posts lately, realising that this would become one of their ramblings about people with names you barely remember. They bombed your phone in the middle of the day when they found out that their company would be sponsoring a sports team they were obsessed with and did not stop until you threatened to block them until they had calmed down. You still hadn’t forgiven them completely for disappearing out of nowhere after begging you to attend a company function with them all with the reasoning that if they came across one of the players that would also be invited, you could be there to stop them from embarrassing themselves. That was not entirely useful, given that they were whisked away by their colleagues not even an hour into the event and leaving you all on your own.
If it wasn’t for them, then none of the events following that night would have ever happened.
But the past was past and as they called you again to talk about how they were heartbroken because their fav might be seeing someone, you did not stop them, obviously, since you were a great friend.
A sigh called your attention back and you silently closed your dash of animal videos to focus on what they were saying. “Are you even listening?”
“Uhm...” you hummed, “emo thirst traps, you were saying?”
“We tried to dig down all the accounts he was following but no one was posting anything that might match up to his posts,” they let out a whine.
“So,” you said, “are you still going to see him this weekend even if you are heartbroken or?”
They gasped before you suggested that if they didn’t want to go anymore, then you would do something else rather than sitting through a game you were not interested in. “Of course we’re still going!” they emphasised on the ‘we’, “who knows when I’ll get front row tickets again once the sponsorship ends and they aren’t giving the company tickets anymore!”
They paused. “You’re still going with me,” it sounded more like a threat and a statement than a question, and they asked again when you didn’t reply, “you’re going with me, aren’t you?”
You sighed. They were usually pretty laid back, except when it has something to do with volleyball. What was it with volleyball? It was like... football but with hands, tennis without a rack, basketball but with no basket. Ball sports, they were all the same in your eyes. But despite your lack of interest, the truth was that you wouldn’t have anything else to do if you didn’t go with them anyways and you did promise you would go as long as you didn’t have to pay a single dollar.
So you sighed again, earning you a displeased click of the tongue from the other end of the call.
-
Your lack of interest maintained when the day came. You didn’t think you had ever been to a stadium when there was a game going on before and the arena was already filling up with people waiting to get it by the time you were there. You were delightedly surprised when you learnt that there would be vendors selling food, silently deciding that the very nice yakionigiri you got from one of the stalls might just be the highlight of your day. 
The staff at the store looked vaguely familiar, but you had no idea where you would have possibly seen him before.
When the lights of the venue switched off out of nowhere and the crowd cheered, perhaps you could finally start to understand why your friend was such a fanatic for sports. There was something exciting and grand about the bright spotlights and the announcer’s voice pounding through your ears from the speakers. You peeked at your side to see your friend’s eyes glimmering in a way you had never seen before and chuckled to yourself, leaning back with your legs crossed to watch the game in a better position as the players’ names were called one by one.
You froze in place when you saw a very familiar face on every screen around the stadium. 
“Number 13, Miya Atsumu!”
What happened to not being a big shot?
Screams filled up the stadium, especially ear grating when the loudest person seemed to be the one right next to you but your mind was an utter state of blank. You were not expecting to see him again, ever again but here you were, with the next several hours of your life stuck watching the man you ditched after a drunken one night stand in the very front row. He looked more put together than your last image of him, the tussled hair replaced by a careful side swoop and the fitted jersey giving him a fresher look compared to the suit he met you in. He seemed to enjoy the attention, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he marched out and waved languidly around the stadium. 
You thanked the genius who separated the court and the seats into two floors, hiding you away with the distance even though you were sitting at the very front.
“Oh my god, he’s looking at this direction, he’s looking at this direction!” your friend’s vigorous tug at your sleeve brought your void gaze back to the court.
You were convinced that there was no way he could spot you from that far away. Hell, it was still up to question whether he could see any of the audience with all the lights shining onto his face. But for a moment, just a brief moment, you had a gut feeling that your eyes met in that split second when you looked down and his gaze stopped at right where you were.
“What are you looking at?” Hinata asked, turning his head to the direction Atsumu kept stealing glances at as they lined up in front of the net but saw nothing.
Atsumu shook his head, giving a laugh to pass off the moment when he lost his composure when he thought he saw the face he kept thinking of since that night in the crowd. It has got to be an illusion, he must have been blinded by the lights. Stupid lights, he cursed under his breath before turning to his teammate. “It was nothing,” he smiled, his gaze shifting to the corner he thought he saw you at before quickly snapping back to the court, “just... thought I saw someone I know.”
He did not look at you again throughout the game much to your relief. But this time, you found it hard to stop your eyes from following him around. You would like to argue that it was because you didn’t know any of the other players and the way your friend kept gushing whenever he did something made it hard for you to ignore him but the way he seemed to flourish on court. Something inside of you jumped whenever he scored a point and the live cameras panned up at his face again, showing the satisfied grin and slanted eyes plastered on him. He did what he does so well and with so much confidence and for some reason, that explained to you just why you decided to leave with him that night at the club in the strangest way possible. 
He was, still, very good-looking even under the lights and under your sober judgement, perhaps even more so than your blurry memory of how he looked like with a flushed face. But the true hit to your chest was when the entire stadium was watching him as he got to the serving position, taking strides forward before raising his hand to the air.
The world stopped when the entire ground fell to silence at his command, and you took a deep, shaky inhale when you thought of how this person had kissed you again and again on a drunken night until you were both out of breath.
-
Atsumu was almost 99.9% sure he truly did see you when the match ended.
That last 0.1% was deducted because it was a really good match ending with a win for the Black Jackals and as hot-headed as he could be, he knew better than to believe everything that his adrenaline-filled brain was trying to tell him. But with the spotlights of the stadium dimmed and his full attention no longer required on the court, Atsumu looked straight at where he was sure you had sat the moment the stadium doors opened and people started leaving. It was a blurry glance, just a quick in and out of his vision but he was sure he saw you slipping out of the front row before disappearing into the stairs. 
He knew he could still be wrong, but the sudden realisation that he might be the closest to you now than he would ever be again left him frozen in the middle of the court as he stared blankly at the exit. Reporters were starting to gather around the players and his presence was expected, but his legs started moving before the call of his name by the rest of his team could land on his ear. 
Pushing through the crowd, the gasps and shocked chatters of the guests who saw the player they just watched dashing out the stadium were none of his concern. All he cared about was to run faster, faster, past the hall and past the people of the stalls that were packing up. He might have just mistaken someone else for you and if it really was you, you might have already left before he could get to the front entrance of the stadium but that did not matter. The only thing that mattered to him right now was that you had been there and if he ran fast enough, there was still a chance that his search all along would not be in vain.
Miya Atsumu was not exactly a believer of fate or a divine destiny but as he stumbled with tired legs down the steps of the grand glass door, he silently made a bet with the beings he wasn’t sure were truly there that if he missed you this time, he would take the defeat that your paths were not meant to cross again and give up.
And the beings, who Atsumu believed was actually there for the first time ever, answered his calls.
“Wait!”
Your feet planted into the concrete when you heard a yell behind you. Your jaw dropped when you hesitantly turned around to see him, whose name you now know thanks to the match, stopping just a few steps away from you with his hands on his knees, seemingly out of breath with his arm reached out. His eyes widened when he looked up and saw that you had stopped there, and you were exactly who he thought you might be. He was heaving, sweat drenching his face but he still took a few stumbled steps towards you until he was right in front of you. 
A few words fell out of his mouth but were cut short by his panting. Your head was still not reacting when he finally managed to stand back up, looking right at you even as his breathing stayed erratic.
What does one say to a one night stand that they ditched right when the morning comes?
“So,” you blurted, trying to ignore the heat on your face and the anxiousness in your chest, “not a big shot, huh?”
He let out a snort, his voice cracking as he ran his hand down his face to wipe away the sweat that was starting to get into his eyes. He could finally take the time to look at you now, after confirming that you would not disappear if he did so little as blink.
You were gorgeous, and suddenly all the things he had wanted to say to you sounded ridiculously stupid.
I tried to look for you.
“You left your ring at my place,” he said, his voice still shaking from the sprint he took, growing softer and softer with each word that came out.
“Oh,” you replied, nodding stiffly to try and brush away your nerves.
“Yeah,” he nodded too, and opened his mouth again after taking a gulp to swallow down the knot at the back of his throat, “we should arrange a time to meet so you can take it back from me.”
“Oh,” you stood just a little straighter, “but-” 
But it was just one of the five I got in a pack so it really, really didn’t matter that much.
“You said,” he looked down, holding back a smile as he thought of what you had said to him, “you said your grandma made you swore to never lose it.”
He remembered.
“Yes,” you pressed your lips together to stop the chuckle from coming out, “yes I was.”
“So you should come and get it back from me,” he suggested, the last note of his sentence going up as if he wasn’t sure of himself either.
“Yeah,” he beamed when you smiled sheepishly, “I should.”
“Ok good, good,” he murmured in joyful disbelief, grinning ear to ear. The grin faded suddenly when he thought of one very important thing he had forgotten to do last time and must not forget this time.
“Can I have your name?”
You burst out into laughter. “You can have my number too, if that’s what you want,” you mused, “Miya.”
 A rush of heat washed through his face at the sound of his name out of your mouth. He would die if you call him by his first name later on, he was sure of it.
“Yes,” he said almost embarrassingly fast, “yes I would love that. I-” he groaned when he realised that he still had his phone in his jacket that was left in the locker room.
“Wait for me here,” he had already started walking backwards, snapping towards you with his hand out as he added in panic, “don’t go anywhere!”
You still hadn’t stopped laughing when he sprinted back into the stadium again like his life depended on it.
-
Bonus
Miya Atsumu deleted all of the posts he made during his search for you the moment he added your contacts into his phone, but what he did not count was that there were other people who would preserve those precious memories for him.
It was a few weeks after he caught up to you in front of the stadium and several days after your relationship went public. Your friend had nearly torn your eardrums apart when they learnt that you were the mysterious person they had been hunting after but overall, dating Atsumu had been great, even to the point where you thought it was so stupid of you to run away from him in the first place.
You got a notification that someone direct messaged you on instagram as you were getting ready for a date night.
It was not someone you know but there was a verification mark next to his username. Clicking into his profile, you assumed that it must be one of Atsumu’s friends in the volleyball circle when you saw the line saying “EJP Raijin middle blocker”.
“Hi, I’m Suna, I was on the same high school team as your boyfriend was. I don’t think we have met but I’m sure we will be very good friends.”
Before you could manage to type out a reply, he sent you multiple pictures and you paused as they loaded, wondering what Atsumu’s old high school teammate might send you.
You blinked when the pictures finally finished loading, and silently dialed your boyfriend’s number.
“Do you have something you forgot to tell me about what you have done in order to try and find me online?”
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queenofallimagines · 4 years ago
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Abbacchio giorno Narancia and Bruno helping with your natural hair
I had to post this before i finished my haikyuu asks bc this is important
Narancia:
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- I have forcefully been shoved into the JoJo universe and I just had to get this out of my system
- He’s black we already knew this it’s not a surprise
- He just lets hair hair do whatever and it works??
- Like his wash n go always come out fly and it’s honestly not fair
- When you and him (+ mista) are in the mirror in the morning fixing your hair he will help you detangle
- Makes sure your bonnet stay on at night even if you sleep wild
- He has at least four silk pillows bc he sleeps extra wild and he can’t risk having breakage
- (Non binary Narancia👀) matching hairstyles
- will let you wear one of his spare headbands if you need it
- “We match🥺🥺”
- Pretty helpful and don’t be ripping out knots
- Surprisingly gentle when doing your hair
- Always has the best wash day playlist
- You can’t tell me it wouldn’t be fun to jam to old head music while he’s parting to ur hair
- Humidity who?? He got you covered
- Has an excess of plastic shower caps in case you need them
- He doesn’t change it often but when he does he goes all out for a style
- He had mista help him with waves once?? *chefs kiss*
- All in all 10/10
Giorno:
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- all of Passione is black I’m not sorry but I’m going to stick to Canon just this once
- Him and his silky smooth ass hair don’t even know what to do at first
- Probably tries to dry Detangle your hair and you got a smack him
- He will let you use his hair rollers though if you need them because you know he has them
- If you do a hairstyle like his??😍
- Likes Bantu knots the most
- He has very gentle hands so he will finger detangle no matter how long it takes
- Scalp massages
- “You look absolutely beautiful il mio amore”
- Probably sings some Italian lullaby while doing your hair
- Probably uses too much product but that’s okay he will defuse it
- “Your hair is so soft”
- Complements you the entire time
- He’s never done some things so domestic intimate so it really melts his heart being able to do this for you
- Will let you brush his hair and kiss his scalp in return
- “Your hair smells nice”
- Will go with you to buy products to see what you need
- “What about this?”
- “ pink lotion?? I didn’t even know they still made that”
- Will buy you hair products based on how good they smell
- “This smells like she butter, here”
- Sidenote he will steal your Shea butter so he has soft hands
- You come home in the container is like half fucking empty by the end of the week
- “Where did my African black soap go☺️🔪”
- “Suddenly I can’t hear anything”
- Learns how to braid hair in secret
- Asks trish for help
Abbacchio:
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- this motherfucker right here will pretend he doesn’t care
- Pretends he wants nothing to do with your hair at all
- Gets jealous when he sees everybody else gets to touch it
- “ if you can’t do it by yourself I guess I have to help you.”
- Boy😒
- Uses his long ass dragon claws to scratch the fuck out of your scalp
- “ calm down Jurassic Park I think I’m bleeding”
- Will watch hair tutorials at three in the morning while everyone is sleeping
- Like he is taking notes
- 👀 “curl the ends to avoid breakage”
- Wants to get better as soon as possible because he doesn’t want you to ask anyone else lmao
- “I got this DONT ask fugo”
- Can actually do some pretty decent twists
- Favorite is a twist out bc it’s easy and he likes separating the hair
- Will bully you about your hair but In a loving way
- Your scalp is dry(affectionate)
- Probably heats up the oil too hot
- “ i’m not putting that in my head”
- “Why not?”
- “Bro the oil is still bubbling go put that shit back”
- Good at blow drying your hair
- Has probably never seen that little comb attachment so he’s using that every chance he gets
- Will steal your diffuser
- Will buy you a lot of scrunchies and hair bands to make up for it
- “I need-“
- “ here you go,tie your hair up and beat his ass.”
- A true Ride or die
- Everyone sees how soft he is with your hair but they keep quiet
- Will also ask before he pats your head
- tried once but got hit with the curve
- “Ah ah! This hair was not cheap you’re not about to fuck up my lace.”
- Please imagine wearing a lavender wig and matching with him oh my God 🥰
- Big titty goth partners
- If you have a resting bitch face he’s just going to be heart eyes the whole time
- “They look so mean I love them”
- Y’all just both look mean as hell Lmaoo
Bruno:
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- i’ve I’ve been waiting for this one bitch turn it up🗣🗣
- Super respectful and will always ask before coming within a 5 mile radius of your hair
- “ May I ask what the style is? It looks stunning on you.”
- Will have hair wraps for you if the mission will fuck up your hair
- You’re in charge of that little braid on top of his head
- “ God really took his time with you”
- Just always hyping you up and giving you compliments it’s really what you deserve
- Watch watch hair videos with you
- His favorites are natural hair horror stories because he’s secretly taking notes so that won’t ever happen to you
- “ I don’t know this stylist seems shady :/“
- You know he got money like that so he’s paying for all of your hair appointments
- And products
- “I saw this really good hair butter-“
- “So my card number is 555”
- You don’t even have to look at the shit for long it’s already in the basket and he’s already in the next isle
- He will kiss your scalp in the morning it’s like a good luck charm
- Will make sure your protective styles stay fresh for as long as possible
- Gets you a silk lined beanie for Valentine’s Day bc you stealing and wearing mista’s hat stressed him out
- Also likes how your hair products smells
- Sleeps as close to you as possible bc you smell so good
- Will use your shampoo bc it makes his hair feel super clean and soft
- “This bottle was full on Monday”
- “,,,,I’ll buy you more”
- He’s a sweetheart honestly
- Drinks his respect 4c hair juice too
- Will watch you lay your edges so he can do it for you
- Make sure your high puff isn’t too tight bc he doesn’t want you to get a headache
- “You didn’t deep condition last night 😡”
- Has a schedule probably
- Wash day is every Sunday
- “Hey you want to go out tomorrow?”
- “I’m getting my hair done”
- “Oh so you’ll be busy the whole day then, what about Friday?”
- Buys you super cool hair scarves from black owned Etsy shops
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honklore · 4 years ago
Note
Can you do headcanons for sapnap with a shy reader please?❤️💌
ALSO I LOVED LANDSLIDE IT CHANGED MY LIFE
shy!reader headcanons | sapnap
(gender neutral, non-au, this is less of a headcannon and more of a small story sorry about that)
listen to: georgia by vance joy
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okay firstly to premise, i think sapnap is a pretty shy guy himself. he’s absolutely the guy who refuses to correct a waiter after they read their order back to him wrong
so he would get it. i don’t really think he would try to push you out of your comfort zone
lets say you guys met in a csgo lobby lol. sapnap was practicing before a stream, playing with strangers, and you popped up
and you didn’t speak for the first like. five rounds. you were AMAZING with last minute clutches but you never spoke so people just kind of assumed you didn’t have ur mic on
except one round, sapnap lost focus and nearly ruined the round, forgetting to call out his location for a cover
luckily you came in with the clutch and shot the enemy before they could get to sapnap, saving the round
and so while in the lobby, sapnap turns on his mic and just “[user], thanks for saving my ass out there.”
and your voice just comes through, a little clipped and very shy, “no problem,” before your mic is muted again
sapnap ends up saving ur gamer tag and inviting you whenever he needs someone to play with or fill a lobby
this turns into playing every day, and you guys become rlly good friends thru the screen. you both keep to yourselves for the most part, a strict csgo relationship if you will
and then sapnap is like. i rlly like them. i want to be their bestie.
so he asks if you want to play with him and his friends sometime, maybe in minecraft or jackbox
and you’re a little overwhelmed bc you know they have a decent online presence. but he’s nice to you and you don’t have many online friends so you say yes :)
and he’s like SO excited bc all of his friends are going to meet his new friend
only he’s been talking abt u to karl and dream and george and q for like. ages. since like. THE NIGHT he met u on csgo. (bc he’s a pisces and he gets v attached to anyone who breathes in his direction)
(i’m a pisces i can say it)
when you join the lobby (no one is streaming) he has the boys in a separate call to give him advice just in case he needs it
you don’t really speak unless spoken to, and when the boys get rlly loud they can kind of forget to include you
so sapnap always brings you back into the convo by asking you a question or making a quick joke
george in their chat: simp
you guys play jackbox, and you rlly like quiplash and survive the internet and others where you can just type
(and you’re really good at it like the boys think ur rly funny and clever)
but of course the boys want to play mad verse city, and you’re like,,, rlly nervous and don’t really want to rap,, so sapnap raps for you,, and he’s the loudest to hype you up after each of your verses
and you’d slowly get more comfortable with the boys. it’s easy to flow with them bc they’re so loud and obnoxious that you can mind your own business and still feel like part of their convos.
so anyways it’s months into your friendship, and sapnap has developed the fattest crush on you. if he’s not on call with the boys, he’s on call with you
chat knows about you bc sapnap always has you on his alt streams to talk and hang out with him. surprisingly, chat is very protective over you and cheer you on even if you’re on a different team than sap
i imagine sapnap gives you his minecraft info and lets you go around the dsmp the same way dream lets drista hang out with his info
just... a stream where he leads you around and just talks to you in vc while you share your screen with him,,, and chat is like. sapnap you are so in love.
you spend your time in the smp making a cottage and a house for yourself. you even tame a cat.
(it’s the first pet on the server that sapnap doesn’t try to kill. that’s how chat knows he’s in too deep.)
and the thing is,, he wants to ask u to be his s/o,, but you’re so shy that he has no idea how you feel about him
you’re not flirty and you’re friendly with everyone, so it’s hard to see any signs.
(sapnap is also just kinda dumb, bc he doesn’t realize that you only address him when you talk, you’re only comfortable in calls if he’s there too, you have made him a playlist called “sapnap <3”, you made him a flower garden in minecraft and literally mined netherite for him to return to when he came back on the server)
like sapnap is thinking on such a large scale that all of these little things you do don’t register as anything more than friendship
and he’s in call w the dteam one day and he’s just like “guys :/ idk if they like me :/”
dream calls him a dumbass
george hangs up
when george comes back, you join the call too, and sapnap can only assume george messaged you to join
“tell them, sapnap”
“george you’re such an idiot, y/n don’t listen to him we were just messing around.”
“okay,” you say. “but i’m here to talk if you ever need me.”
sapnap wants to burst because he likes you so much, he’s just so terrified of messing up what you guys have that he would rather stay silent
he doesn’t want to run you off, but he doesn’t want you to think he doesn’t like you either
“can i call u?” he asks “without these two nimrods to hear us?”
you agree, and you start talking as soon as you two are in a separate call. “sap? are you okay? you’ve been acting weird lately.”
“i rlly like you,” he just blurts it out, because it’s the easiest way for him. he can’t take it back, but at least you know.
“oh,” you say, voice just as timid as it was that first csgo game ages ago. “i like u too”
cue blushy sapnap
always talks about you on stream. you don’t join streams too much bc they make you nervous, but you’re always talked about lol
sapnap will bring you up literally every day on twitter or smth
when the two of you finally meet in person, you’re both so shy that dream has to start the convos for the first hour or so
but once you get comfortable it’s like two long lost souls
you guys just fit
sapnap speaks up when you’re quiet, and vice versa
you guys get ur own shared mc server and sapnap kills mods while you plant flowers
you use your twitter to show off your builds and sapnap always retweets and hypes you up
he suggests you stream your builds but it’s something you just like to do on your own, so you decline. sometimes you’ll appear on his streams and give his chat a lil tour tho :’)
sapnap is pretty protective over you. he will fight anyone for u <3 that’s just how he is lmao.
you get along with everyone pretty well though, and sapnap fits in with your friends as well
it’s still mostly a long distance relationship, but the two of you are used to it so you make it work
and sapnap will correct a waiter if they get your order wrong. so, character development.
thanks for requesting and for liking landslide !!
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drabbles-mc · 4 years ago
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Talk You Out Of It
Angel Reyes x Reader
Warnings: Angel being a needy boyfriend
Word Count: 1.4k
A/N: Just a quick little Angel fic to get back into the writing groove again. I promise I haven’t forgotten about anyone’s requests. But I’ve been in such a  funk that I just needed to get back into the writing headspace. This is 100% based off of This Song in case y’all were wondering lmao. Enjoy!
Angel Taglist: @mayans-sauce @helli4nthus @angelreyesgirl @starrynite7114 @queenbeered @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes @appropriate-writers-name @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @beardburnsupersoldiers​
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“C’mon, querida,” he begged as he leaned against the doorframe of your bedroom, “I don’t wanna go without you.”
You chuckled, looking up from the book that you were reading with a smile, “I told you, I don’t mind you going to parties without me. Just make sure you come home to me afterwards. I’m just tired, baby. I wanna stay in.”
“Please?” he gave his best puppy-dog eyes as he strolled over to the bed, taking a seat on the edge of it next to you.
You closed the book, setting it on your nightstand, “Why is it so important that I go tonight, hm? You’ve gone without me before.”
“I’ve missed you this week. I feel like I’ve barely seen you.”
He wasn’t wrong. Between him having late nights with club business, and you having to pick up early shifts at work to cover for a few people, it really hadn’t left the two of you with a lot of quality time. The petty part of you wanted to tell him that if he really wanted to spend some time with you, he could also stay home. But you knew that that wasn’t a fair ask.
“I’ve missed you too,” you gently cupped his face in your hand, “And you don’t have to leave for another hour or so. So you can laze around with me until you have to leave for the party.”
He huffed and playfully flopped his entire body on top of yours. You laughed against his chest, his weight sinking you into the mattress, “But I want you for the whole night, not just for an hour,” he lifted himself off of you just enough so that you could look at him, and also breathe a little easier, “Please, baby? I’ll owe you one.”
You raised an eyebrow, “Owe me?”
He rolled his eyes, instantly regretting his words, “Within reason, yea, I’ll owe you.”
“Hmm, you do make quite the argument,” you laughed as you pushed his body off of yours, “Alright. I guess I can suck it up for a few hours and go. But,” you gave him a pointed look, “you owe me.”
He nodded with a small smirk creeping across his face, “I do, I owe you.”
You hopped out of bed, “Guess I better start getting ready then.”
He propped himself up on his elbows, eyebrows raised in confusion, “Already?”
A laugh escaped you as you sauntered over to your closet, “If I’m doing this, I’m doing it right.”
He chuckled as he got off the bed. You felt his body press against your back as he peppered your shoulder and neck with kisses, “I’ll leave you to it, then. Let me know when you’re ready.”
He disappeared out the door and hardly even a minute later you heard the TV in the living room turn on. You chuckled to yourself, shaking your head slightly as you leafed through all the hangers in your closet. You always got a little more dolled up than usual for parties at the clubhouse, just liking to have a reason to do so. But after a long week, the least you could do for yourself was really put some time and effort into yourself. Even though you said that Angel owed you, you knew that you always had a good time whenever you went with him to the clubhouse. He never owed you a damn thing, but it made for a nice build-up sometimes.
You had your playlist blaring through your bedroom and bathroom as you pulled clothes together, laying them out carefully on the bed. You smiled as you grabbed a towel and made your way to the shower. You took longer than necessary, but it wasn’t like you were under a time-crunch to get ready. You shaved, and exfoliated, and moisturized. By the end of it you were pruny but you felt like a whole new woman. You wondered if Angel could hear you singing over the volume of your music and also the television.
You made your way back to the bedroom and set about doing your hair and makeup for the evening. Angel never understood how you could tell the difference between all the different shades of lipstick and eyeshadow that you had, and you constantly reminded him that he didn’t need to worry about it unless he wanted to start wearing it.
Once that was all taken care of, you finally went to put on your dress. It was one that you hadn’t broken out in a while. It sat towards the back of your closet, begging to be worn. You had to be in a very self-confident headspace to wear it because it left hardly anything to the imagination. It was a slightly low-cut, very short and very tight red dress. You paired it with your favorite pair of black heels and looked yourself over in the mirror. You smoothed the dress out with a smile, telling yourself that maybe you should wear it more often.
While you were busy giving yourself a comprehensive once-over, a low whistle came from the doorway. You turned to see Angel leaning there much like he had been hardly an hour beforehand. His eyes were wide as he shook his head slightly.
“Damn, querida,” he chuckled as he walked over and stood behind you, wrapping his arms around you, “looking this good should be illegal.”
You laughed, shaking your head as you felt your cheeks get hot. All this time and still when he flirted with you it would make your heart speed up, “You’re basically obligated to say that.”
He smiled, shaking his head as he kissed the spot behind your ear, not taking his eyes off of your reflection in the mirror, “Doesn’t mean that I don’t mean it.” His hands slid down from your waist to your hips, then trailing farther down to graze along the exposed skin of your thighs, “Maybe we could stay in tonight.”
You laughed, turning your head to look at him, “You’re not serious?”
He chuckled, “What? You don’t wanna go anyway, right?” he spun you around so that you were facing him, “We could just pretend that we went to the party,” his hands roamed, sliding down your back until they were resting on your ass, “And we could pretend that we went and got a little too tipsy and—”
“And handsy?” you interrupted with a smile as you felt his hands squeeze you.
He laughed, pressing his forehead against yours, “That too.”
“You talked me into all this, and I went and got ready, and now you’re tellin’ me we aren’t even gonna leave?”
“Little bit, yea,” he smirked.
“I went and put on this dress and now I’ve got nowhere to go?” you pressed your hands against his chest.
“I know, I know,” he kissed your lips lightly, “I talked you into all this,” his lips trailed over to the side of your neck, “But now I wanna talk you out of it,” he kissed and sucked lightly on the sensitive skin there, sending a chill through your whole body.
“Hmm,” you closed your eyes as you hummed in approval, “I’m listening.”
He scooped you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carried you over to the bed. He laid you down gently and situated himself so he was hovering on top of you. You could see it in his eyes that there was no way that the two of you were leaving the house anymore.
“I’ll owe you two,” he leaned down and pressed a quick but gentle kiss to your lips.
“I do like the sound of that,” you said, biting back a laugh.
He smiled as he lifted you off of the mattress just enough to slide the straps of your dress down off of your shoulders. He kissed all along your neck and chest as he continued to slide the dress down off of you. You smiled to yourself as you let him, wondering how you got so lucky.
“We should just skip to this part all the time,” you chuckled as he tossed your dress to the side and peeled his shirt off over his head.
He laughed before leaning down and pressed a hard kiss to your lips. Your arms instinctively wrapped around his neck as he leaned more of his weight down onto you. when he finally pulled away you were out of breath, unable to do anything besides look up at him and wait for what was coming next.
He ran his thumb along your cheekbone before letting his hand continue to slide down the rest of your body, “We can do this part whenever you want.”
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allkinds-oftrash · 2 years ago
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The Crown S5E10 Commentary
Non-Spoiler Review: That was so underwhelming. It just sealed to me what an uneventful season this was. I feel like Peter Morgan only went off on Ep 3, 4 then 7 to 9 then called it a day. I don’t know what exactly went behind the scenes to make him chicken out of going full on with the punches like he did in S4. Anyways here’s my live reactions as I watched it but I’m too annoyed to do a proper season review so lemme direct yall to my lovely mutual @mermaidsirennikita Caro’s post that outlined everything I felt about the season (I do disagree on some points but I’ll cover that in my post tomorrow or something when I’m done being mad - also hi Caro its viscountessevie’s side acc lol) 
Spoilers Under The Cut
Dodi and Mohammed!! I've missed them Shksjs Dodi is officially an LA producer Not him bidding against Michael Douglas for a house
The way I really thought it was gonna be Diana 🤡🤡 But it's just Barbara Gordan Sr (Erin Richards played her in Gotham) bdjdjdk
LMAOOO DIANA VOTING NO FOR THE MONARCHY Isn't this a lie tho?? I'm pretty sure she wanted William on the throne eventually... Oh well fiction wise it's fucking funny This voting scene is brilliant I love it so much What a great cold open!
(I forgot I watched the cold open last night before falling asleep and am rewatching this bit again for my commentary and GOD IT'S EVEN MORE HILARIOUS A SECOND TIME)
Oooh it's Lizzie's birthday Lmaoo not her getting gag gifts from everyone BUT CHARLES Between the boring ass book he got for Di and this, he really is the worst gift giver huh Not Chucky being jealous of Pedodrew's stupid gift Damn Charles really is a masochistic always watching these programs that make him upset Lmaooo not Edward and Pedodrew taking the piss out of him
God Queen Mother shut the fuck up you racist bitch "The Great Chinese Takeaway" 🙄 For fuck's sake and everyone laughing. God fuck these racist asses. Yeah this might be a fictional scene but YOU KNOW these bitches have said worse things behind closed doors. I cannot WAIT til the Queen Mother dies; she's so insufferable. Yall did not compare the liberation of a former colony to an ex attending a wedding jfc yall are the worst Charles is gonna fuck up the Hong Kong trip just watch
Random tangent but Fly Like An Eagle is on Glen Powell (Hangman in the Top Gun sequel)'s playlist for his character and now there's a plane while the song is playing, I fully expected Glen to come out of that plane why am I like this 💀💀
Anyways hiii Dodi what a cutie Is Barbara Gordan Sr playing his wife? Nope she is not. Who is Kelly?? Why do we need to know her Is this scene necessary Peter Morgan?? OH?? HE'S SLEEPING WITH HIS ACTRESS?? Dodi wtf don't be one of those gross producers Oh wait is that his fiancee he dropped for Diana oop Also why did I think she was his ex wife that happened way back in the 80s dhdjkd I'm sorry but I did not need to see that scene lmao it could have been an email Dodi really has a type huh Ew he's doing coke God he really became a Hollywood cliche huh I mean I never knew much about him so I can't say if this is accurate or not but if it is, bro why did you become a Hollywood cliche
I never followed Tony Blair's politics but we like him right?? In that case, Charles you're nothing like him How has the second Mrs. Al Fayed not aged at all 👁👄👁 It's been at least a good 7 years since Ep 3
Don't be fucking crude Mou Mou Let them speak their native language Kelly Yeah it's rude but you're giving White Woman rn djdkkdkd Heini is right lmaooo Okay actually they did do well with her make up to age her a little
WHAT?? His only talent is women??? "One day you'll hit the jackpot"???? What does that meannnn Mou Mou Peter Morgan are you implying Dodi was a golddigger omg This is so uncomfortable pls Kelly is like ???
Damnn let's go Labour Party let's gooo Ohmygod that's Tony Blair?? Huh the one time the irl person is more attractive 💀💀 the actor is fine but Tony Blair was a DILF back in the day come on
Tell me why I feel sad John Major lost 😭😭😭 He was just so nice this season dhkdjd Lmao this historians convo is so meta especially since Peter seems to have a bias for John Major and have given him a hot actor and made him really chill and cool this season Lmaooo Lizzie you did not just say he's your favourite PM LOL bro it's fine the Brittiana is old af time to decomission her
"The youngest Prime Minister since Lord Liverpool in 1812" WELL Rishi Sunak is coming for that title 25 years later yall "And you're still a young man too" LIZZIE STOP LYING HE'S GOT A FULL HEAD OF WHITE HAIR Johnny Lee Miller playing him doesn't make him less old djdkkd
Can you imagine if the note to Blair had said "GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN" lmaooo Johnnn why you lying "A great job" as if you didn't spend this season just babysitting the royals
This boat nonsense plot line is so fucking stupid and pointless. Peter Morgan THIS could have been an email. I do not care for this shit at all They just sound like rich brats which we already knew they were So you could have used another example to show that
NEW BRITAIN SHDJJDJS This is so stupid omg It's just a fucking boat Lizzie let it go
Like I get sentimentality and all but don't anchor (pun absolutely intended) yourself and your sense of self worth to a old piece of metal Like That I would be alot more sympathetic (because we all have sentimental things tied to our memories)1 if they weren't old rich white people who caused so much pain whining about a luxary no one else can afford and expecting the government to keep funding it
HAHAHHAH HE'S IN BUSINESS WHILE THE REST ARE IN FIRST CLASS PLEASEEEE I CACKLED "You're going to have to be very brave" 💀 Camilla it's just business class yall need to calm the fuck down
What the fuck is this visual Mans is not left out of anything This visual metaphor falls so fucking flat when he's literally usually the one drawing the curtain on people Peter Morgan what are you doing
Omggg the Cantonese burning the British flag What icons They're so right for THAT
Okay Heini has grown on me Girlie really grew into her place in the Fayed family huh Good for her "You were so much more than a model. You were a socialite" MOU MOU WHAT This is so cringey pls
I have gone 20 mins after the cold open without Diana WHERE IS SHE Oh lmao here she is I missed you bby Awww her friendship with Mou Mou is everything I wanna h u g her Her voice is always on point I'm shook
God the flashes give me such anxiety The foreshadowing really gives me the deepest pit in my stomach Oh gosh the offer to Saint Topaz,,, the beginning of the end 😭😭 I don't want her to goooo Yeah Elizabeth took a few eps but she finally grew into the role as Diana we love to see it!
We hate Charles but damn doesn't Dominic look good in a uniform God I hate it here Also booo let Hong Kong be it's own country just passing it off to another country I can't even I get so anxious seeing the rainfall on everyone's head they're gonna catch a cold Dominic lost the Charles voice, it needs to be steeper bud
Charles don't be fucking weird Why did you link the ages to her relatives and husband and now son Don't say it Nope yall are not brothers stfu He said it 🤡 Welll he made Blair say it
Lmaooo Blair sick of the yacht talk too hsjjdkd Why do you feel bad sir?? Bruh it's just a boat 💀
YALL JUST GOT DIVORCED A YEAR AGO - Chill the fuck out Chucky Lmaoo Blair is right he was going behind Lizzie's back and briefing against her They always do this They brief against one another It's messy af
The amount of Charles cocksucking happening in this episode is gross Peter Morgan WHAT did he threaten you with Why are you trying to make him out to be this modern innovative man Was he??? Was he really??? Charles so self serving I cannot LMAO NOT CAMILLA WITH THE KNOCK OFF REVENGE DRESS YOU WILL NEVER BE HER
"Friendly invasion" Okayyy China whatever helps you sleep at night
Helloooo Martin,,, I really am a simp for Martin huh. Listen this season hasn't given me a single person in the main Royals other than Diana to feel anything for So Martin's hotness it is I can't believe I'm saying this: but Lizzie should have said No 😭😭 Martin snitching on Chucky hsjdjdk She's gonna TEAR HIM APART
There's 12 minutes left and this is such an unimpressive finale wtf Peter Morgan bruh what are you doinggg I told myself I won't follow press after the mess than is the Bridgerton production team But I NEED to know what Peter was thinking outlining this season The potential was there and yet it flopped Only Eps 3, 7 to 9 were solid episodes
Lmaooo affair "Divorced man whose wife is still alive" I'M SCREAMING Can't believe I'm agreeing with Charles abt his rls rn Oh never mind fuck you Charles No one brought up Diana why you gotta drag her name through the mud K Chucky sureee Camilla has Did their spin doctor write this episode??
SCREAMS "I don't think it's my behaviour threatening its (the monarchy) survival" Rip him apart harder Lizzie come onnn Yesss throw the whole monarchy away Yeah they yeeted yall cos you OPPRESSED THEM FOR 50 YEARS, idiots
I feel nothing for this stupid ship and her farewell God this is so depressing and underwhelming This ep should have just been the cold open only tbh If you aren't gonna commit to the end of the Diana era then leave it all completely to S6 which is so disappointing, I thought they were finish Diana's story this season I was mentally prepared for that And now I gotta be sick again worrying about it and then mentally prepare for it again before S6
That's it??? That was so underwhelming???
40 mins of white people whining abt their boat and losing a country to independence Then 15 mins of Diana's death foreshadowing?? 5 mins of Dodi being a Hollywood producer cliche and Mou Mou being a dick to Kelly??
That's all??? Bruhhhh
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catwithangerissues · 4 years ago
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Yachi Hitoka Fluff Hcs!
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✧ Sickly sweet Yachi fluff 😌 I love this adorable girl, lmk if there’s anyone else ya wanna see me write hcs for!
Warnings: None! Just fluff and gender neutral reader, but I’m pretty homo and it’s pretty self indulgent ngl
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✧ Yachi really loves to have baking dates with you! She finds so much joy and peace in getting to turn on some music and create something you both enjoy.
✧ ^ She’s especially a fan of the muffins you two like to experiment different flavor combos with, but she isn’t the biggest fan of cleaning up the mess- especially when you two get a little too rambunctious and have a flour throwing fight in the kitchen,, again.
✧ Movie nights in a pillow fort with snacks surrounding you two? I think yes. Yachi loves to cuddle up with you on your shared days off under the warm covers and binge watch anime and your favorite films.
✧ Yachi adores coming home after a hard day of work to your massages. She never asks you to rub her shoulders, but the lovesick smile she sports and relaxed sigh that leaves her lips let you know how much she appreciates the sweet gesture.
✧ If you’re still in school, she is more than happy to help you study whenever you need it! She’s very encouraging and sweet, and having her calming presence near you makes it much easier to get done. Bringing you a tea and a snack after a few hours of work, reminding you to take breaks- she’s so thoughtful.
✧ She loves to make you smile, so she occasionally buys you pretty flowers, snacks she knows you enjoy, and other little things on the way home from work just to see your reaction and surprise you!
✧ Decorating for holidays or moving in with Yachi? Sounds like a dream. You may have to help her reach stuff occasionally though
✧ She’s a big cuddle bug and hugger, she just loves to show you affection. When you first started dating she was always nervous about initiating affection, but over time it just became second nature.
✧ ^ Nose boops, gentle hugs, sweet hand holding and soft forehead kisses are some of her favs.
✧ Once, back in high school, she made you a playlist that was a combination of songs she’d listen to while doing her manager work for the volleyball club or homework, drawing her posters, and sprinkled in a few songs that reminded her of you <3
✧ Made you a mini version of the Karasuno flag as a patch to put on your bag or keychain!
✧ ^ She has a matching one with a note you wrote on the back for her about having fun and being safe, she reads it when she’s anxious!
✧ Speaking of matching, you had matching friendship bracelets before you started dating that you both still wear!
✧ You both enjoy dates, some favorites are trips to aquariums, hidden beaches, and simple cafe dates!
✧ She adopts a cat! A sweet little calico you two name and care for together <3
✧ She keeps a photo of the two of you and a photo of her cat in her clear phone case! Definitely decorated with little flower stickers
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Taglist: @sunalma @toworuu
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Hope you enjoyed this, bit of a different post on here! But the Makki thing was different and did well, so here we are lmao. I also find it incredibly ironic that I have Dabi as my header but here I am writing all this cute shit for Yachi😭😌💚
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blackbutterfliescal · 4 years ago
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Your Rainbow Will Coming Smiling Through
A Michael Clifford One Shot
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Pairing: Single Dad!Michael Clifford & OC Zoey Clifford
Word count: 4.8K
Rating: Mostly fluff with a side of angst
Requested by: Absolutely not a goddamn soul. I’m just here to be soft n emo, I guess.
Content: 3rd person POV, OC Zoey as Michael’s daughter, major character death (main character’s spouse is dead), side of Malum because I couldn’t help myself
A/N: This is based on Steven Curtis Chapman’s “Cinderella” and it’s lived in my head for a long time. The title is based on lyrics from “A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes” from Disney’s Cinderella. I don’t normally engage with a lot of dad!sos content for personal reasons, but this idea has lived in my head rent free for far too long so I hope you like it! Big big thank you to @devilatmydoor and @spicycal for encouraging me to get this one done!! It’s only taken me a month lmao
✨ Masterlist ✨
Let me know if you want to be added to or removed from my taglist 🌺
AO3 Link
Feedback is always appreciated! 😊
———
Dinner had been an event. It seemed like it was always an event these days. Pasta noodles and vegetables hung from the walls in the small eat-in kitchen, reminiscent of a Jackson Pollock. Michael let out a deep sigh and ran a hand across his tired face. He’d been so sure that the new recipe would be a hit, but his headstrong three year old had dashed that hope almost immediately. Since quarantine began a few weeks ago, she’d grown bored of staying home and had begun to take her frustrations out on the only other person around. Each day in the modest apartment brought a new challenge but the theme this week was picky eating habits. Michael had tried old favorites, trendy recipes from mommy bloggers, and he’d even let Zoey pick what he bought at the grocery. Honestly, he’d tried anything and everything if he thought it meant she wouldn’t fight him at every meal.
Michael picked up the plates from the table, scraping the few bites that weren’t subjected to his daughter’s wrath into the trashcan by the door. As the dishes landed in the small sink and Michael turned on the tap, he bent forward to rest his forearms on the counter. One glance around the warzone kitchen had tears stinging his eyes. He fought to keep them from falling to no avail, eyes blurring as the droplets got lost in the flowing water and spiraled down the drain.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard. We were supposed to be in this together,” Michael’s voice was barely more than a whisper as his thoughts raced and he struggled to compose himself. His voice came out coarse as his frustrated cries hung in the air until it became too thick to breathe in. “It’s been nearly ten months and I’m still no good without you. Zoey’s just like you and I need you here.” He’d hoped setting his thoughts free might ease his mind, but it only made the words weigh heavier on his slumped shoulders. Michael’s pleas were desperate through the sobs. “I wish you were here. You’d know exactly what to do. You always did.” He was barely thirty when he’d been made a widower, carrying the constant grief of a life unlived, seeing a shadow where there should have been a spouse.
He’d been told repeatedly that things would get easier with time but he didn’t think there’d ever be a day where he didn’t need her, didn’t see her in their baby girl. He pulled himself upright with a deep inhale, using the back of his hand to wipe tear stains from his cheeks. Michael couldn’t stop the incessant sniffling brought on by the tears while he continued to take steady breaths through his mouth. He pulled all his focus to wash the few dishes still left from the night and placed them in the drying rack before shutting off the tap. He wrung out the dish towel and began using it to scrub down the mess on the walls. Their dogs seemed to have made quick work of cleaning up the peas that got sprayed across the tiled floor while Michael cleaned up Zoey in the bath and he assumed they’d already made their way to her room.
Through a few small, shaky inhales, he heard a familiar tune playing from the other end of the hallway. After tossing the bits of dinner that he’d pulled off the wall into the bin, he closed the lid and hung the dish towel across the faucet to dry. He quietly made his way to Zoey’s room as the music grew louder, sparing a quick glance in the hall mirror so his disheveled state didn’t alarm Zoey.
He had forgotten that he’d placed an old CD player in her room with several of his old favorites in a small case. Every now and then she liked to listen to his CDs while she played. She usually needed her dad to help her turn it on but it seemed she’d found the play button on her own and begun the same tunes they’d danced to earlier that week. Her curls, still mildly damp from her bath after the messy dinner, bounced around her round face as she spun in circles and giggles fell from her mouth freely. She’d slipped a sparkly dress-up outfit over her pajamas and the matching tiara had almost completely slipped free from her hair. Michael noticed both dogs intently watched from the bed and he let a bittersweet smile tug at his lips while she twirled around the room. Zoey reminded him most of her late mother when she smiled and it made his heart swell, reminding him that she wasn’t completely gone.
When Zoey looked up and noticed him in the doorway, a delighted squeal came from her mouth. “Daddy!! C’mon, I need you! There’s a ball at the castle and I’ve been invited and I need to practice my dancing. Please! Daddy, please!” She wrapped both of her hands around Michael’s fingers and tugged him to the middle of the carpet as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Once she was satisfied with where he stood, she steadied herself and placed her bare feet on top of his shoes, reaching out to grab his other hand. His grip on her was secure as he moved the two of them around merrily, careful not to let her slip from her place on top of his feet. Since losing Zoey’s mom, he’d promised himself that he wouldn’t let the little moments pass him by. He knew that someday, much sooner than he’d like, someone would steal his little girl’s heart away from him but he wanted to cherish every moment until then. Even if it did include meal-time tantrums.
The upbeat track faded out, replaced by soft guitar chords and a sweetly crooning melody. In one smooth motion, Michael lifted Zoey into his arms and began to sway with her. Her petite hand landed against his warm cheek as she met his green eyes. She studied him for a beat before he rested his forehead against hers and let his eyes fall shut. As Michael began to sing along softly, Zoey pulled away from his face and adjusted herself down to rest against his chest. He nuzzled her close and smiled at the memory that her mother had always found a calmness in the way his voice vibrated through his chest as well.
“Love me tender, love me sweet, never let me go. You have made my life complete and I love you so. Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfill. For, my darling, I love you and I always will.”
It had been an exhausting evening and it didn’t take long for familiar snores to fill the air from where Zoey rested beneath his chin. He smiled and silently thanked the universe that the last song on the album had been a ballad. Careful not to wake her, he kept a gentle rock in his measured steps as he clicked off the lights through the apartment. Making his way back into her room, he lifted the light blue covers on her small bed while the dogs shifted toward the far end. When he tried to slide her onto the pillow, Zoey’s grip on his shirt tightened and she let out a sleepy groan. Michael shushed her sweetly with a lighthearted laugh and pulled her back into him. He reached down again to pull the covers back further, causing both dogs to move to the floor with a huff, before slipping between them and letting her rest on top of his chest as he stared up at the ceiling. He covered them both and began to hum the sweet melody once more, letting the combination of his voice and heartbeat lull his daughter to sleep again. It wasn’t long before they both drifted off to a much-needed night of rest.
———
With a contented sigh, Zoey placed her new boots on the floor, lining them up to sit below the dress hanging on a singular coat hook on the wall to the right of her closet.
She’d spent nearly every weekend for the past month piled into her dad’s car with her friends, scouring every dress shop in the city. In typical Zoey fashion, she wasn’t interested in an oversized dress with heels that she’d ultimately kick off after the first song played. Somewhere around the fourth store - or maybe fifth? - her friend had shoved her into a fitting room with an understated black a-line they’d picked for her. Though she wasn’t typically a fan of lace or tulle, she knew it was the one she’d spent her time looking for. She knew the lace appliques delicately placed across the neckline would soften up the leather boots and jacket she was already planning to wear.
She pulled one bare foot underneath her and plopped down on her bed, queuing up a lowkey playlist and admiring the outfit she’d put together. She could admit that it was nice to check the prom dress off her to-do list but the centerpiece of the outfit was her mom’s vintage leather jacket. Her dad had gifted it to her years ago, telling her about how excited her mother had been to save up for a real leather jacket and how she’d shopped through every store in the city to find the right one. Not unlike the way he’d seen Zoey searching for the right prom dress.
Of course, Zoey didn’t have many memories of her mom, except for the stories Michael had told her over the years. Somehow, things like her mother’s old leather jacket, still in great condition, made her feel connected to the woman she barely remembered. Zoey often wondered how she could miss someone she couldn’t remember on her own. Maybe some of it was secondhand grief from years of watching her father. Either way, she always felt too nervous to actually wear her mom’s jacket, afraid she’d do something to ruin it, wrecking the already thin tie she had to her. While Michael had always done his best to fill both parental roles, some problems were bigger than he could handle alone. On difficult nights when she needed a mom, Zoey dug the jacket out of the closet and just held it close, hoping to find some guidance from whatever cosmic forces were out there. Now, she’d decided, prom was as good an occasion as any to actually wear it out. It was a big night and she wanted to feel both of her parents there.
As she picked up her laptop to tackle the last few assignments of senior year, Michael’s knuckles rapped on the open door that led to her room. The sound pulled her from her reverie and she glanced up to see her dad in the doorway. Michael, mid-40s, donned large wide-rimmed glasses and his hair was cut short around his face. His natural shade had lightened quite a bit over the years while the ever-present scruff on his chin had taken on shining grey tones. He smiled fondly, taking in the outfit Zoey had put together as it hung on the wall before turning to meet her expectant gaze. Her smile beamed as she questioned, “Do you like it? Do you think Allison will like it? Her dress is baby pink so we’re going to be the least coordinated couple there. But I guess that’s fitting.” A small laugh fell from her mouth as she looked back at the all black ensemble. Michael still heard Zoey’s mom in that laugh and felt a pull in his chest seeing that jacket again. He nodded in response before pointing to the quilted leather. “She’d be so proud of you, you know?” His voice held a tinge of sadness amidst the pride he held for his baby girl.
“No!! No, no no. Don’t cry. You know that only ends with both of us crying!” Zoey slid the laptop to the side and made her way to the man occupying her door frame. He let out a sniffing laugh and shaky breath as she wrapped her arms around him while burying her head in his broad chest. Michael rested his head on top of hers before placing a small kiss on top of her hair. He’d always made sure that she felt safe with him. No matter what was going on elsewhere, it was the two of them versus the world. But damn it all if he didn’t wish that she had her mom here to see the amazing young woman she’d become.
Zoey’s playlist continued quietly and Michael began to rock back and forth as she relaxed into his arms. He knew moments like this would only get harder to come by in a few short weeks. She’d grown up in the blink of an eye, right in front of him. He wanted to keep her close as long as he could. It didn’t matter that dinner was downstairs, getting colder by the minute. Slowly, “Moon River” crept through the speakers and Zoey pulled her head back. “Wait a minute. This is the song we have to dance to,” she whispered. The smile on her face shifted from sweet to teasing and Michael braced for whatever quick-witted remark she had for him. “We gotta work on your moves, old man!” Michael rolled his eyes in response and let out a sarcastic laugh at her words. “Dad, the prom is just one week away and we need to practice our dancing. Please, daddy, please.”
It was custom that each senior waltzed with a parent, or some other guardian, at the very beginning of the prom. Families were only allowed in during this dance and would be ushered out after every group of seniors had taken their turn. Michael and Zoey had been at every after school rehearsal for the past 6 weeks, trying desperately to learn the choreographed steps. Zoey had mastered the box steps with ease. The turning box took a few more tries, but she got it eventually. Michael had taken even more practice though, and she was determined they would perfect the steps before they were in front of all her friends. He didn’t object, not wanting to embarrass her. Letting out an exasperated sigh, Michael stepped further into his daughter’s room, helping her push a few things out of the way as she started the song over and stood tall in her ballroom posture. Michael took small steps but still managed to run into a few things as Zoey coached him through the routine. They made it through to the end of the song unscathed and upright, counting that as a victory.
As Zoey let her rigid posture drop, Michael placed both of his hands on each side of her head, pulling her close again to place another kiss on top of her head. “We’ve got this, Z,” he reassured her. She snaked her arms around to his back as the next song on her playlist began. They stood still in the silence as a familiar voice began to croon through the air. “Do you remember that I used to sing this to you to get you to sleep? It always did the trick after a rough day,” Michael mused as his hands brushed over her hair, reminiscing on days gone by. She leaned back to look up at her dad’s face before answering. “Of course I do! Why do you think I listen to it so often?”
The greying scruff on Michael’s chin made her giggle as it tickled her forehead where he left a kiss. “My sweet girl,” he mused as they began to sway again. She hummed along with the melody before Michael joined in, smooth voice lilting over the recording.
“Love me tender, love me long, take me to your heart. For it’s there that I belong and will never part. Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfill. For my darling, I love you and I always will.”
In true Clifford fashion, Zoey’s stomach rumbled through the otherwise quiet bedroom as the next verse began. It sent both of them into a fit of laughter, reminding Michael of the reason he came up to her room in the first place - the dinner waiting downstairs. Zoey stopped her playlist before they made their way to the kitchen, voicing their concerns that the cats had jumped up on the counter to help themselves.
———
Zoey couldn’t help the smile stretched across her full cheeks as she parked her car in front of her father’s home. As she reached for the door handle, her free hand lifted the back of her fiancée’s palm to her cherry chapstick-covered smile and she placed a series of small kisses. Allison’s warm eyes met Zoey’s gaze with a blissful smile of her own before she spoke hesitantly. “The last planning session before everything is in motion. Ready for all the questions from Mr. Wedding Planner in there?” Zoey’s eyebrows quirked up and she reached behind the seats to pull out her planning binder. “Ready if you are!” They stepped out of the car and laughter followed them through the front door to announce their arrival.
The butterflies in Zoey’s stomach hadn’t diminished even slightly since the moment Allison got down on one knee during family game night. Though if Zoey honestly thought about it, the butterflies had been there since she worked up the nerve to ask Allison to prom as her girlfriend. She hoped she’d have the flutter in the pit of her stomach as long as she had air in her lungs. 
The proposal had been intimate and thoughtful and sweet and perfectly them. Allison had enlisted Michael’s help, along with his long-term partner Calum, to spell out “marry me” on the game board during Scrabble. The three of them had needed to work together and it had taken a couple rounds of play for the right letters to show up. Zoey was so engrossed in the game that it took her a few beats to piece it together, even as Allison dropped to the floor in front of her while Michael tried to keep the happy tears from falling. Since then, the days had been speeding by at a dizzying pace and she felt like the big day would sneak up on her if she blinked too slowly.
They made their way through the home, cast in an amber glow from the autumn sunset, and found Michael and Calum putting the finishing touches on their typical Tuesday night dinner. Michael had always been a good cook but he’d thrown himself into more complex recipes with the extra time he had in his early retirement. The delicious aroma wafted through the open air to greet the brides-to-be as they exchanged familiar greetings with the gracefully greying men, arms held open expectantly. 
“I see someone came prepared,” Calum teased, pointing in the direction of Zoey’s wedding planning binder. “I learned from the best,” she winked in return. Calum had earned his living as an event planner before retiring to spend his days with Michael and he’d been all too eager to help out. Sometimes he was a little overzealous, especially when it came to flowers, but neither bride worried over it. He had thirty-something years of experience and they would put his expertise to good use as long as he wanted to help.
“Well? What are you waiting for? You know better than to be shy around here - dig in!” Michael’s cheerful lilt brought out a chorus of laughter as the four of them began to pile their plates high with his savory creations.
Dinner together was never dull; someone always had a story to tell. Allison was gunning for a big promotion at work while Zoey worked hard to manage the small business she started last year. Michael told of all the highs and lows in his cooking adventures that week and how he’d befriended a neighborhood cat that had appeared on their porch. Calum had warned him not to feed it but eventually found the bowl under the front steps that he’d been sneaking scraps into. In the years they’d lived together, Calum made the local farmer’s market a habit and that week Michael had finally gone with him. He should have known Calum would have everyone wrapped around his finger. He couldn’t help his amazement at the way Calum charmed all the vendors into some sort of special sale for his produce, flowers, or baked goods. He noticed that Calum was the only one who seemed to be privy to these discounts. Michael couldn’t even be upset though because Calum had gotten a beautiful sunflower bouquet just for him. Calum would never admit that he just wanted to know he still had it - whatever it was.
With four sets of hands, clean up happened quickly before the wedding binder was sprawled across the table. They spent the next few hours pouring over choices for every imaginable detail. Calum had helped them create a checklist and prioritize important items and extremely time sensitive details. They managed to cross off a few more items on the checklist before Michael decided it was time to bring out dessert - apple pie with the tart apples from the “Apple of My Pie” stall that Calum had recommended at the farmer’s market.
When she was sure Michael was out of earshot, Zoey leaned across the table to whisper to Calum. “So when are we doing this for you two?” she asked as she threw a glance at her dad’s back. Allison did her best to control her laughter at the obvious prying. Calum simply waved her off with a smile, “We’ve been together, what, twelve years? Just after you started college? I think he’s stuck with me at this point, ring or no ring.” Zoey’s inquisitive stare didn’t falter at Calum’s light humor so he continued to entertain her question with a more serious tone. “You know… we’ve talked about it but he always said he couldn’t remarry after losing your mom. I always thought I wanted a wedding, even just a small one for friends and family, but it’s one thing I won’t push him about.” Calum’s eyes were filled with adoration as they settled on Michael’s back where he stood carefully slicing the pie. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’ll take this in whatever way makes him comfortable, in whatever way he’ll have me.”
When he turned back to face her, to see if his answer satisfied her curiosity, her eyes were brimming with emotion and concern immediately painted his features before she spoke. “I always thought maybe he didn’t remarry because of me, because he didn’t want me to feel left behind or something. And maybe that’s selfish or strange. But I couldn’t be more thankful that he has someone as caring and thoughtful as you, Cal.” Her voice had a slight rasp to it as she swallowed down her overwhelming joy. She punctuated her sentiment by placing her hands over one of his on the table. As he sandwiched her hands between his, he told her how lucky he felt to get to spend the rest of life loving Michael and that he didn’t need a marriage certificate to do that. Allison placed a grounding hand across Zoey’s back as they all inconspicuously sat back into their seats just in time for Michael to return with apple pie and vanilla bean ice cream. If he suspected anything about the conversation between his daughter and his partner, he didn’t let on as they continued to make their way down the wedding checklist between delighted mouthfuls of pie.
The hours passed as they sat around the kitchen table picking out scripts for the invites, flowers for the ceremony, centerpieces for the reception, and favors for the wedding party. Allison stretched her arms over her head, soliciting several put off responses at the loud cracking noise her spine made. “Ew, yourself,” she joked as she rose from her spot at the table. As she moved toward the living room, she turned over her shoulder to suggest that they all take a break from hunching over the pages of options laid out in the binder. Everyone else seemed reluctant, not wanting to lose the momentum they’d already built up. Allison turned her back to them and made her way to the record player next to the couch. She carefully pulled a sleeve from the shelf and let it begin spinning before making her way back to the table where the others still sat. 
As she passed through the doorway, the beats of “Heartbreak Hotel” sounded through the room and she swung her hips wide with the best Elvis impression she could manage. The overstated moves earned a laugh from her fiancée and wolf whistles from the two men seated across from her. Allison pulled Zoey from her seat and shimmied them back into the living room for a dance break, despite Zoey’s protests that they still had several items to work through. Allison assured her that’s why she needed a dance break and that they’d get back to it as soon as the record needed to be flipped over. To Allison’s complete delight, Zoey caved and danced with her until the bluesy tune faded into a familiar ballad.
Zoey turned toward the dining room to find that Calum and Michael had followed to watch them from the safety of the door. The two men stood as if they were made to fit together. Michael’s head rested perfectly on Calum’s shoulder and his hands splayed softly across Calum’s stomach under Calum’s hands. Even so, Zoey knew she still had her dad wrapped around her finger after all these years. She put on the biggest puppy dog eyes she could manage and stretched out her arms before pleading with him, “The wedding’s still six months away, but I need to practice my dancing. Please, daddy, please.” His sheepish smile was bright in the low lamp light as he maneuvered around Calum. Michael placed a kiss to Calum’s smiling cheek as he squeezed through the door frame beside him. “You know I’ll never turn down a dance with my best girl,” he remarked as he took her in his arms. Calum, in turn, made a large sweeping motion as he bowed to Allison. “May I please have this dance?” Always a drama queen in every group. Allison laughed and took his hand, letting him lead her across the small room in an effort not to intrude on Zoey and Michael’s sweet moment.
Michael hummed along to the melody and his voice vibrated through his chest under Zoey’s head, sweeping a sense of nostalgia over her. “Dad?” she questioned as she lifted her head to look into his pale green eyes. They’d become even more pronounced over the years as the color faded from his hair, though he tried to hide behind the wide-rimmed glasses that stopped just above his full cheeks when he smiled. His eyes were slow to open and he only offered a hum in response. “What if we made this our father-daughter dance at the reception? I know it’s not a typical choice, but it would just mean a lot to me and -” Michael’s lips landed soft against Zoey’s forehead with a smile, immediately soothing her rambling mind. “I would love that, Z.”
Not trusting her mind and voice to work with her, Zoey simply nodded and nuzzled her head back into Michael’s chest, hugging him as close as possible. Michael’s smile grew as he tossed a glance across the room to where Allison and Calum swayed casually, lost in some giddy conversation if their expressions were any indication. With a contented sigh, he placed another kiss on top of Zoey’s curls. His voice was soft at first, only loud enough for Zoey to hear, but then it grew just enough to be heard over the record player as he sang.
“Love me tender, love me dear, tell me you are mine. I'll be yours through all the years, ‘til the end of time. Love me tender, love me true, all my dreams fulfill. For, my darling, I love you and I always will.”
He couldn’t help watching Allison and Calum as they looked over fondly. Michael thought of all the times it was just him and Zoey against the world. Everything had changed so much since he lost her mom. He couldn’t believe how their little family had grown over the years and he was so proud of the life they’d made and the love they all shared. Michael tried not to let his emotions get the best of him, but he couldn’t help the crack in his voice as the last lines closed out.
———
taglist: @easierlftv @haikucal @mashlums @youngblood199456 @calumbroutledge @alltimesos @another-lonely-heart @castaway-cashton @itsjen223 @bloodyoathcal @vapor5sos​ @myloverboyash​ @justhereforcalum​ @karajaynetoday​ @spicycal​ @devilatmydoor​
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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years ago
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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3
Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)
Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)
I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.
Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.
It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.
At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.
at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.
At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:
Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.
I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.
Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?
Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.
Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.
(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)
She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.
What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?
Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose
It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.
So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.
Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)
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chaoticspacefam · 4 years ago
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OC Music Meme
I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go! I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen​ , @kyber-heart​ , @thedinalixlegacy​ (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!
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art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D
Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.
reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)
You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD “Because I'm hyped up out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know.”  don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*
Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on,  as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them. "I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings. That should tell where all blame is due, So why are they pointing at MY head? [...] I sense deception to come. Honestly, truth and I are never one. 'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask, or else I'll be left in the lie. And I'll deceive my way straight to demise! Cause I’m not in the right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight! But I don’t deserve to win it... I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...” 
I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao
Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about
“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy” So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy! My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I too have a destiny! This death will be art! The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, And I'll be great too! I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!!“
reminds another character of them:
Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :( “Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know If she ran away, If she ran away, Come back home Just come home“
Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother) “Love all you need to love before it goes... When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know. You will never remember who I was to you [...] I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”
Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.). Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.
reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:
Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song. "Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you. It’s a habit...I can’t help it. I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent. I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything! But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”
Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”
Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.
(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops) You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love) Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷‍♀️ Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually) “I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me. Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~ [...] You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?” ”Of course not!” ”Well, I do...” See me change...into something...darker....” My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.
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ambitionsource · 5 years ago
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Hi, I am so here for all this ambition content right now. I check this page every day! I remember u guys mentioning about a rl and dasher road trip and I was wondering about that! Thank you!
hello pal!! literally so honored and happy that you’re enjoying ambition and the fact that you check our page every day... ugh you’re too sweet. hopefully the nonsense we do around here is entertaining! very happy to have you in our fandom community <3
so yes, rl + da road trip! i hope it’s okay that i took a bit to answer this, bc i wanted to ruminate on it for a bit before typing it up. so as y’all know we refer to the summer between s1 and 2 as “cruel summer” (thank u tswift), and similarly we have a code name for the summer between s2 and 3 which is “summer of love.” this is admittedly mainly because of rl, but also because a majority of the characters are in such a better headspace this summer than they were last.
boppin the rest under a read more, because i just go on... and on... and on............. (i really love rl & da)
-- Maggie
one facet of this summer is that around... july sometime, dylucasher decide they want to take a trip down to virginia beach (or the beaches in that general vicinity) because they want to check out a beach that isnt grey and cold like the ones close to them in ny, and because a trip before their last year of school together seems like a fun and Classic idea. originally they plan it for just the three of them, but somehow riley comes up and all of them agree -- especially dylan -- that it would be way more fun if she came along too. so they try to convince her to come along, which doesn’t take much convincing, it’s more so about figuring out how she’s going to get around cory because if he knew she wanted to go on a like week long trip with her boyfriend (who he doesn’t really trust) and two other boys he would probably have a heart attack.
you know, it would be like “you can’t go on an overnight trip with three boys!!!” “dad, you know dylan and asher. they’re gay. they’ve been dating for three years. they’re GAY. i do not think i’m at ALL at risk in that scenario???” fsdfSDKGDL
so riley devises a plan / cover story that involves like “going to stay with mom” for a few days, maybe a lie about staying over at isa’s or yindra’s for a couple days in there, you know, she lays out the whole lie and then bribes maya to go along with it and help cover her tracks (rl have very inverse influences on one another -- where riley sort of tames lucas and helps calm him and make him less feral, she develops a bit of a rebellious streak from him or just better identifies the nuances of which rules should be followed vs which were meant to be bent or broken..)
the good thing about this road trip is that it’s what truly cements riley’s friendship with dylan and asher. they’ve been toeing the line of friendship for like two years now (as riley said in cruel summer, she regretted not taking the time and establish a friendship with them in sophomore year before everything fell apart), and it’s kind of like it’s bound to happen. riley and asher takes a little more time to grow and develop just because of the kind of person asher is, but on this road trip dylan and riley just Click. like they were basically made to be best friends, dylan is the first person who kind intrinsically Gets riley and they match each other in terms of enthusiasm / personality / brightness. again, a friendship that’s just been Waiting to happen, and this trip really brings that to the forefront.
(on that note, i once joked that when dylan and riley get really into chatting about something and lucas zones out, they start sounding like the villagers in animal crossing to him. like if he stops paying attention for even a second suddenly dyley sound like this. and i stand by that claim.)
as for the trip itself, its not like i have the whole thing perfectly plotted or anything like that, more just... musings and ideas. oh and a playlist, of course i have a playlist. obviously they’re really good about swapping around drivers and sort of organizing their time since they only have a week, and i think it’s mainly funded by dylan’s youtube vlogger coin. asher helps and riley chips in her fair share, but dylan basically covers lucas because obviously he can’t pay but they all want him there. he makes up for this by driving the most even tho the other three insist its not a big deal.
when it comes to sharing space, the quartet of them are pretty good at it. obviously when they stop for the night they just share beds by couple, but it is interesting to think about how different these two relationships are in terms of like... you know, where they’re at. like its super easy for da to share a bed because they basically do that all the time now, but for rl breaking that boundary would be a kind of unspoken big deal and lucas would be so cautious about it. like they spend most of the summer in riley’s car (can’t hang out at her place with cory there and no one is going to lucas’s) and so theyve probably like fallen asleep together there once or twice and maybe napped ONCE at riley’s place when maya and cory were both gone in the 2.5 months they’ve been together, but it’s still... not the same. so at first lucas would be really nervous about it, but after the first couple of nights he’d relax and realize its really not that big a deal -- esp since riley seems pretty confident and comfortable with it. by the end of the week, lucas wakes up in the middle of the night and riley has cuddled up next to him and he’s like... okay MAYBE sharing a bed with someone makes points. perhaps.
one of the nights on the way down the coast, what truly breaks the ice for dylan and riley is that they break out a SMALL amount of alcohol and both get tipsy (which for them is just like. giddy and giggly and very chatty. they’re both happy drunks without a doubt). lucas and asher don’t indulge bc lucas doesn’t trust himself getting intoxicated and asher is just wary of it in general, but they figure dyley can do it as long as they’re both supervising. so dylan and riley talk A LOT that night and truly form their Kindred Spirit bond and also lucasher end up regretting letting them drink bc for like a half an hour dyley do this thing where they just pretend to share secrets with one another. like they theatrically whisper in one another’s ears and look at lucasher while they’re doing it and then start laughing and they’re literally not saying anything Important (like it’s probably like riley being like “psst... i think lucas is... hee hee... lucas is hot”) and then dylan cracking up and agreeing but bc lucasher don’t know what they’re saying they’re like ha ha very funny........... but y’all aren’t talking about us doe right. wait, what did you say. hold on --
a lot of the trip is also based around being in nature and the outdoors, since they don’t get to do much of that day-to-day in manhattan. considering one of their favorite spots to hang out as a group during senior year is at central park, they’re all definitely fresh air outdoorsy kind of people to a degree. so like, stopping at parks, going on hikes, and of course the beach itself. i made an instagram edit of one of said hikes when i was testing a template i made:
Tumblr media
naturally, and i swear this happens at least once on a long road trip whether it is with family or friends or any combo of people, but you hit a point where you get irritable and start to get a little sick of one another. i think in this case that mainly starts between lucas and asher, because although they’re Best Friends i think lucas has a knack for finding ways of irritating him. and also lucas probably gets irritated by dylan’s high energy after too much time with no breaks, so he’s also snappy, and as they’re on the way back up to nyc people are spatting at one another or getting snippy over stupid things so riles is like. here’s an idea! how about we split up for the day when we get to philadelphia. this is an excellent idea and none of them are opposed, so when they arrive in philly, dylan and asher split off to go explore the city + historical sites.
what do riley and lucas do? well, riley takes lucas to meet her grandparents, of course.
at first lucas is like ummmmmmm no because he’s SUPER nervous about meeting her family -- the only family he’s met is cory and we know that’s... unideal, and eric, both of whom have a completely different perception of him bc of school and his behavioral record. he’s yet to meet topanga or auggie yet or anything like that -- but riley assures him that her grandparents are chill and she has no doubt she’ll like them. they’re also meeting lucas with a completely blank slate (i.e. no preconceived notions about him like those who work at aaa), so it’s not hard for lucas to make a good impression since he really is like... a good guy. not to mention no way is he snarky or deadpan in situations where he doesn’t feel comfortable or like he has the right lmao, so he’s on his BEST behavior around amy and alan.
the good thing is that alan himself kind of had a similar background and run on the wild side that lucas does (kind of like jack, altho jack was never as troubled as lucas), and so i think he would kind of... inherently Get him. like he’d strike up a conversation with him and at first lucas would be like omg why is this man speaking to me please i’m invisible pretend i’m not here... but after a bit he’d find it’s surprisingly easy to talk to alan. and they’d talk for like an hour and get on pretty well. meanwhile, amy is talking to riley and is like so... let me guess. cory does not know you’re traveling with your boyfriend???? and riley is like... perhaps. maybe don’t tell him? pretty please? and once amy convenes with alan and is like how is he and alan is all “he’s fine, we can approve,” then they agree not to rat riley out.
riley and lucas also climb up into the matthews tree house and take a look around and they comment on how strange it is that cory and eric once used to like, hang out in there and in that house and were once teenagers (lucas: be careful this is humanizing your father too much for me). and i’d think they’d sit up in the treehouse for a little bit and just talk and riley would talk about how nice it must’ve been to grow up in the suburbs like this, and she’s surprised when lucas agrees and he admits he fucking hates living in manhattan. and that kind of prompts this subtle internal thinking in both of them of like hmm well... maybe in the future when things are different and we can make our own rules maybe we’ll move out of the city and into a quieter life... they don’t say any of that out loud, but they’re both thinking it. and at the tail end of that conversation riley kisses lucas which turns into a Really Good Kiss... but then they’re interrupted by amy calling for them to come down for dinner and its kind of like lmao, they’re both a little bashful but in a casual silly way
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ckret2 · 5 years ago
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would you mind explaining "Careless whisper" "I will always love you" and "Friend please"? no pressure though!
Oh god you chose two of the meme-iest songs! Both in one post! I can’t believe it!
Okay.
This took me forever to write because I wrote half of it and then got distracted for weeks and didn’t get back to it until I got a fresh ask today with some more songs and I was like, crap, I should finish this one.
So the first three paragraphs in this post still apply here, I’m not gonna copy paste them, go read those paragraphs if you haven’t yet. tl;dr i’m answering questions about why i included songs on my radiosnake spotify playlist because i like rambling for thousands of words at a time, also the playlist is based on a fic i wrote.
Feel free to keep sending me questions about more songs on the playlist. Explanations under the read more, assuming the read more works, which I make no guarantee of because this is tumblr.
Careless Whisper (Lyrics)
… except, the jazzy version.
So lemme tell you a story about how “Careless Whisper” came up and then I’ll explain why it actually belongs on the playlist.
The only way I can outline a story is by sitting down with another person and rambling the plotline at them, copy pasting it into another document, and bam that’s an outline.
Right now, in the disjointed process of outlining a sequel to Cold Day In Hell, I’m sort of chunking random ideas at a couple friends to see what sticks. One idea is that, when Alastor is drunk, he’s 90% worse at pretending he totally doesn’t care about Sir Pentious at all. If they’re ever drunk at the same social event, he will subtly (not subtly at all) follow him around all night like a puppy and hang on to his every word, automatically playing this sort of nonsense in the background.
One of my friends announced sadness that it didn’t start off with “Careless Whisper,” so I checked Postmodern Jukebox (the fastest/easiest/most common way to translate a modern song into Alastor Aesthetic) to see if they had made a jazz cover (they had), and I reassured my friend that the PMH cover definitely played every second song while drunk!Alastor was mooning over (and/or looming over) Sir Pentious.
And then I went oh goddammit the lyrics actually fit, dammit, now I’ve gotta put it on the playlist.
So I put it on the playlist.
Here’s the great thing about song lyrics. Even if everyone knows that the lyrics mean one thing, language is inherently ambiguous and you can totally just decide to read the lyrics a slightly different way if you really really want to and the exact wording doesn’t make it impossible. Everyone KNOWS that “Careless Whisper” is about cheating, but it never SAYS it’s about cheating (like, it says “cheat a friend,” but like the singer could’ve cheated their friend at cards? it doesn’t say), so you can just decide that it’s about any other kind of betrayal in a relationship! Like, say, blowing up your ally’s steampunk airship fleet. The song never says it ISN’T about a steampunk airship fleet.
So let’s just establish right now that this song is no longer about cheating. That’s out the window.
In the original song, “dancing” is probably intended as a metaphor for having sex. In THIS context, it is literally dancing. The emotional core of CDIH, the moment around which the rest of the story rotates, is the night that Alastor and Sir Pentious dance together. And although Alastor no doubt dances plenty of times after leaving Sir Pent, he’s certainly never going to dance like that again—like he’s with a lover, like he wants to be touching his dance partner, rather than either alone or while distastefully putting up with physical contact with someone who doesn’t matter to him.
The interpretation of the line “careless whispers of a good friend” that I think is probably Most Common is that a friend of the singer’s lover warned the lover that the singer is cheating on them, and the singer thinks that the fact that the lover now knows is worse than not knowing at all, because now that the lover knows they can never go back to normal, hence why the friend was being careless. Aside from any questions of, like, whether or not that’s a sound opinion at all—I’ve always interpreted that line differently. Since the singer refers to their lover as a “friend” (“should have known better than to cheat a friend”), I’ve always assumed that the singer would refer to themself as their lover’s friend, and so the “careless whispers of a good friend” were the whispers that the singer themself made that started whatever affair it is they had.
And so that assumption—that the “good friend” that said something they shouldn’t have is the singer—is the interpretation I’m carrying into the song’s inclusion in the playlist. In this case, it’s Alastor’s decision to lie to Sir Pent about how he feels about him (claiming that he never cared & that he was just screwing around with his emotions) before running off that are the “careless whispers” because, although not exactly whispery, they do have the same effect as in the song: ever since he said them, there’s been an unmendable rift between Alastor and Sir Pent (which was, like, his objective, but he’s still not happy about it)—and, more than that, it was very careless. Alastor had intended for his actions to just push Sir Pent away, not to effectively ruin Sir Pent’s ambitions to rule hell completely. But, that’s what happened. Because he didn’t think anything through. He just said and did the very first things he could think of to push Sir Pent away. Extremely careless.
And, of course, the specific version that got included was chosen because it sounds jazzy. Yay for PMJ, making all sorts of songs Alastor-ready.
I Will Always Love You (Lyrics)
… except, the super dark version.
So I figured out at some point that the easiest way I was gonna find Alastor music was through jazz-style covers of songs a la Postmodern Jukebox, 1) because PMJ has been actually mentioned as among the limited varieties of modern music that Alastor would listen to by virtue of the fact that they do covers that sound like what he used to listen to, and 2) because Puff here isn’t actually a fan of jazz and it’s a lot easier for me to slowly wade into the water via jazzy covers of songs I already know than it is for me to fling myself into the deep end like “appreciate Jelly Roll Morton! Appreciate Jelly Roll Morton NOW!!!”
(I am slowly and laboriously training myself to be a fan of jazz, because Alastor is a RADIO HOST from NEW ORLEANS in the ROARING TWENTIES AND A LITTLE BIT OF THE THIRTIES, i will NOT be writing him while in complete ignorance of a subject that probably occupied a huge portion of his life.)
So due to the fact that I was looking for PMJ-esque genre-switching covers of songs, I drifted over to other genre-switching song cover acts like Chase Holfelder to go through the songs and go “hm wonder of any of these work." This song is an exception to the genres I’m looking for for Alastor, but it still makes the list because like, the vibe is just right.
Have y'all ever actually listened to/read the lyrics to "I Will Always Love You” before? Not just the AAAND IIIIIIIII-IIII-IIIIIII WILL ALWAAAYS LOVE YOOOOO-OO-OOOU bit but the actual lyrics. They’re sad. The lyrics are “I deeply love you but if I stayed with you I would only hold you back so i’m going to leave you because it’s for the best but i’m super sad about it and i always will be.”
Now, that doesn’t 100% line up with Alastor’s situation. Because, like, obviously, he was doing the exact opposite of holding Sir Pent back when they were together, and fearing holding Sir Pent back was not the reason he left.
But it is among the reasons he avoids the hell out of him now. The primary reasons, of course, are still “being in love is scary and i do not want to do that so maybe if i avoid him i can continue pretending that i am not in love?” and “lmao he justifiably hates me now so why try"—but #3 on his list is the recognition that, since they broke up, Alastor’s actions have caused a constant cascade of events that have held Sir Pent back ever since. (And Alastor also suspects that there might actually be some kind of legitimate curse or fate or something going on here—that part of Alastor’s role in hell is playing the part of Sir Pent’s personal hellish divine punishment.) So he didn’t leave because he’s sabotaging Sir Pent’s ambitions; but he sabotaged Sir Pent’s ambitions because he left.
And therefore, as a consequence, he should stay away from Sir Pent now. He shouldn’t beg forgiveness and a second chance—because he doesn’t deserve them, and because he might make it worse.
This particular cover of the song really kicks the anguish up into high gear. The most common Whitney Houston version is like, okay she’s brokenhearted, but also somehow somewhat empowered by the brokenheartedness—like even though she’s leaving sad and bitter, in her heart she knows that the decision she’s making is for the best for her beloved, and she can draw strength from that. There is no drawing strength from the decision in the Chase Holfelder version—just using it up. It’s like he’s burning through all of his reserves of strength to push his loved one away. When Whitney hits the big note, she’s pulling power into herself to belt that out. When Chase hits the big note, he’s pouring out every last bit of power left inside his body. You can imagine Whitney walking away from this song with her head held high and her back straight but Chase is just gonna collapse to his knees with his shoulders hunched and head bowed—completely empty, a husk. That’s the vibe I want with Alastor—that every single day of his self-imposed exile he’s losing a little piece of himself, hollowing himself out. He can’t draw strength from it.
Typically, when I’m picking songs for this playlist, I don’t pay much attention to the gender of the singer (my only main priority on this playlist is that by the time it’s done I want the genders of the singers to be roughly balanced on both Sir Pent’s part and Alastor’s part), but in this case I think the fact that the singer is male contributes to it working for Alastor the way another version with a female singer wouldn’t. Not entirely sure why—maybe because, even though the voice doesn’t sound anything like his, it’s easier to actively imagine Alastor singing the song when it’s got a male voice? Maybe because, thanks to Sexism In Society, a woman saying "I’m leaving you because I’d get in the way of your dreams” more easily comes across as “Oh… I am simply not good enough for you… I’d hold you back…” while a man saying “I’m leaving you because I’d get in the way of your dreams” more easily comes across as “I wouldn’t hold you back, I’d push you down. I’m dangerous for you.” And the latter fits Alastor better.
(But hey, if any of you know of any versions of “I Will Always Love You” with a female singer that makes her sound dangerous as hell, feel free to recommend them to me. Not because I’m looking to replace the version I’ve already got but just because I’d really like to hear it.)
Currently, it’s listed as the last song on the Alastor portion of the playlist. I recently reorganized it so that the Sir Pent portions and Alastor portions each flow from the shallowest/most surface emotions down to the deeper/truer/more hidden emotions, and even before I did that reorganization, “I Will Always Love You” has been the closing song on Alastor’s side since it was added to the playlist. That feels like the right note to leave it on: after everything else has been said, once every other layer and lie has been stripped away, the deepest and truest and last thing Alastor would have to say to Sir Pent is “I hope life treats you kind and I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of” and an anguished screaming declaration of love.
Friend Please https://genius.com/Twenty-one-pilots-friend-please-lyrics
So remember when I said that language is inherently ambiguous and if you want you can totally just choose to read words differently if the wording doesn’t actually prevent that interpretation? This song is clearly about suicide. I have decided for the purposes of this playlist it is not about suicide anymore! It’s still about depression but not about suicide! When the singer was like “Please don’t take your life away from me” what he meant is “Please don’t take your life, and also, I am emphasizing that if you do so you are removing yourself from my life to try to show you how much you mean to me,” but how I have decided to interpret it for this playlist is “literally do not remove your life from my life, as in, like, don’t run away and stop talking to me.”
So. As I mentioned in my last song meta post, there’s sort of two—not genres, but like, musical aesthetics that I’m drawing from for Sir Pent: Victorian-ish/steampunk-ish sounds, and emo stuff because Vivz said that’s what he actually listens to. Twenty One Pilots fits the criteria for emo for me—idk and idc if other people consider them emo, they toured with Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco, they count as far as I’m concerned—so they’re actually among the bands I’ve been intending to specifically look at for potential Sir Pent Songs.
For the most part, they’re, like, too good at the sad millennial vibe. But that song works.
“Friend, Please” comes low on Sir Pent’s portion because it’s deep in the more genuine emotions—I’ve actually considered putting it last and may still do so, it would make a nice counterpoint to “I Will Always Love You"—actually I’m gonna go do that, gonna go shuffle the playlist, there, good—and it’s also something that he couldn’t/wouldn’t say until after he knows about Alastor’s deep thoughts. Reinterpreted so that it’s not about suicide, it becomes about a friend who’s still depressed, but the focus of the song becomes about the friend’s self-isolation—a self-isolation that’s fueled by denial and self-delusion, the friend convincing themself that they’re alone, always will be, and can’t/won’t have anyone else in their life again that they can depend upon.
Which, although he doesn’t necessarily seem to be depressed, is certainly the vibe Alastor gives off in the show—that despite his overly-friendly overly-familiar attitude, he probably keeps everyone else at a great emotional distance. In canon he might be okay with that. In fic, he’s doing that at the expense of pushing away a person he loves very much—and then pushing away anyone that could help him cope with that loss. Leaving him very alone and perpetually disguising himself as fine with that. Maybe, when he can go years without having to see Sir Pent, he can be fine with that.
But I have Big Plans for that sequel and you know item #1 on the list is "stick Alastor and Sir Pent in a position where they’ll have to cross paths all the time so that it’s like threading a giant needle with barbed wire, stabbing the needle into Alastor’s heart, and slowly dragging the barbed wire straight through.”
And after that? Living like a ghost, claiming he’s fine when he’s been completely emotionally drained, is gonna be a pretty accurate description of his mental state.
Right now, Sir Pent is in no way close enough to Alastor to know that—and in no way sympathetic enough toward him to care even if he did know. He still hates Alastor for completely ruining his life. But there’s still that part of him that used to care about Alastor and still could come to care about him again. And if that part gets revived, and if he gets close enough to Alastor to see how miserable he’s made himself by trying to push everyone away and denying that he’s pushed his own mental state into as bad a state as it’s currently in, his reaction would be “you absolute dumbass” followed by trying to shout some sense into Alastor by pointing out that every one of his problems is caused not by external factors, but by his own damn screwed-up perception of the world. Like, every one of his problems he made himself, and he can unmake them. He’s just got to uncover his eyes first.
It’s easy for fandom to just, like, characterize Sir Pent as an all-around dumbass—strategically, socially, emotionally, etc. Until and unless we see otherwise—and see it so firmly that even I can’t find ways to headcanon around it, and believe you me, I can headcanon my way around a lot of things—I choose to believe that the only areas he’s definitely a dumbass in are “understanding modern slang” and “remembering NOT to charge into battle without considering the odds the second he sees somebody he hates.” This means that I like to believe he also has a reasonable level of emotional intelligence, and a healthy level of compassion that he can deploy, when he so chooses, on someone he considers worthy of that compassion. He’s evil, yes, but self-professed evil, which means self-aware evil; which means that even though there’s gotta be something fucked up with his worldview for him to choose to be evil, it is a choice he’s making, not something he’s doing specifically because he believes it’s right/necessary. And he can turn it off when he decides he’s with someone that deserves it.
Now, is Alastor on that list? Not currently, hell no. But there’s potential for him to make it on the list—that potential for Sir Pent to care about him again, to want to see him throw off the things that he’s using to hold himself back, to want to see him become better and happier, to want him back in Sir Pent’s life—buried somewhere deep beneath Sir Pent’s burned emotions and decades of resentment.
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