#just in case its not clear i loved it and im emotional and cried

[folkinsomnia]

oh my god please go listen to silver springs rn literally song of all time it makes me so insane

okay so I cried

Unfortunately, I am now reevaluating my dislike of Fleetwood Mac 🙄

Anyway I KNOW I COULD HAVE LOVED YOU BUT YOU WOULD NOT LET ME dude I'm crying moaning puking etc what the fuck

[whitexwingedxdoves]

the other side  |  part 1   [request]

Pairing: Negan x Reader Pronouns: She/Her Warnings: Language, Death, Unrequited Love Summary: After being saved, you devoted your time to becoming the best saviour you could be until Eugene lets you in on a secret. A/N: Requested by @jinxeee​ im excited about the next couple of parts. ITS A FUN ONE I PROMISE. - I hope you like it <3  Click to read the next chapter

Covered in a thick paste made up of blood and mud you laid against a stone, staring up into the clouds. Surrounding you were piles of the fallen dead, some newly executed, some days old. You couldn’t remember how many days you had been there, fighting for your life but it had been long enough for the hunger to start eating away at you and the thirst to turn your throat into sand.

“Holy shit!” a voice echoed through the empty field and left you feeling even more vulnerable, which you had once thought was impossible. Using every bit of energy you had, you pushed yourself into a sitting position looking for the source. Your eyes met with a rather tall man, wearing a leather jacket and what seemed to be a bat hung from his shoulder. Behind the man were two others, though they didn’t quite hold the same confidence that the man in front did. You watched as he approached you, kicking a few of the dead out of his way, he levelled with you now crouching in front of you using the bat as some sort of crutch. “You’re one badass bitch” a smirk creased his features as he stared at you, you were too dazed to fight anymore you accepted your fate with these men as you laid back down on the rock to find peace in the clouds allowing your eyes to flutter shut.

-

Once your eyes opened again you started to panic, not feeling the liberating breeze that you allowed yourself to fall asleep too. You felt much more rested, fitter to fight again. Your eyes darted around the room you now laid in, taking in the medical equipment and the grey concrete walls, you had never seen this place before and though it felt like a miracle that somewhere like this existed in this world you still remained sceptical. You pulled the needles from your hand that connected to a drip bag and pushed yourself out of the bed, taking light quiet steps as you came closer to the door. You grabbed one of the tools from the medical bench, a scalpel, just in case and turned the knob on the door slowly, peering out of the crack you made. It seemed safe enough to leave having not seen or heard anyone in the corridor. 

You stood against the wall in the hallway, the tip of your toes holding you weight. “Hey!” your head snapped behind you as you saw a man run towards you, you held the scalpel close to you, your grip tightening the closer he got. Once he was close enough you jammed the tool into his forearm, sending your knee into his delicates. Your plan was to run but before you could even turn you felt arms wrap around you, holding you in place. Thrashing as much as you could to be released from their grip only caused them to hold you tighter.

“Well fuck!” you recognised the voice that ran through the hallway, it was the voice of the man back at the field. You stopped trying to free yourself when your eyes met with his. “I was right, you ARE a badass!” his laughter filled the silent halls as he stepped over an injured man to come face to face with you. “I like you” he whispered into your ear.

You were escorted back to the medical room by a woman and the man, a doctor who seemed to be waiting for your arrival as you sat back down on the bed. “Who are you?” you whispered as the doctor checked your vitals, not baring to look up at any of them.

“We’re Negan!” the woman spoke, your brow cocked at her words. “We save people… Negan saves people” she finished, your eyes now darted to the man in the leather jacket. You’d never let the way he smirked leave your mind, it was infectious. He seemed to be full of pride as the woman bragged about his work here. Your eyes welling at the sound of it all, she made him sound like such a saint. “He saved you” she added causing the tears to fall down your cheek, his eyes now met yours.

“Thank you” almost choking on your words, you allowed yourself to relax a little more.

After the doctor cleared you to leave, the woman you’d now learned was named Laura took you to your new room, though it was to be shared with her. That night you spent a lot of time thinking about Negan and how incredibly lucky you were that he found you. Your heart seemed to swell when you thought of him and the way his leather jacket fit snug to his body, the stubble on his jawline and the way it highlighted his smirk. You were ready to be one hundred percent devoted to him.

-

It had been a while since Negan saved you and you had spent every second of your time since then trying to prove your loyalty to him. He placed you with Laura for a reason, to teach you about the way things worked and to teach you the ropes on how to be the best saviour you could possibly be and you were, one of the best. You did everything Negan asked you to without even batting an eyelash, you would never deny him anything. Your love for him grew stronger every day, it hurt sometimes that you couldn’t call him yours but at least you could be by his side and protect him.

Today your job was to watch over Dr Eugene, make sure he was getting everything he needed and to keep him safe. You didn’t mind this job so much, Eugene never really spoke too much to you, he only ever told you things that you had no interest in knowing but he was easy to block out most of the time. Today he seemed different, a little off from his usual self, he paced his room and seemed a lot more jumpy. You really didn’t like it, it was like he was up to something he shouldn’t be. “What’s going on smarty pants?” Eugene even jumped at your question causing you to smirk a little. He shook his head and insisted nothing was the matter. “Sure doesn’t seem like nothing! Come on, spill the beans otherwise I’ll have to get Simon in here and he doesn’t play quite as nice as I do” you teased tapping your foot on the floor awaiting his explanation but when he responded with silence you turned on your heel and headed for the door. “Fair enough, SIM-“ the man cut you off mid sentence, clearly scared for his life.

“No… no need.” Turning back around you took a seat on the armchair and gave him a smile. “The wives…” he started, almost second guessing his choice to tell you about what had happened.  

You sat in complete silence as Eugene told you all about the wives plans to kill Negan with some sort of pill and how they made them before fully thinking it through. He held the two tablets in a zip lock bag in front of you, you took them from him with force, your cheeks turning red at the story he just told you couldn’t say you didn’t believe it or that you didn’t see this coming, you saw how his wives acted around him and heard what they would say when he wasn’t there. Ungrateful bitches. You pushed yourself onto your feet and gave the fragile southerner a warning look and he took a couple of steps away from you and out of your reach. “You ever try this shit again, I’ll have your head on a pike.” You whispered in his direction before leaving the room. You shouted to the guards on his door to keep an eye on him and make sure he didn’t leave his room as you stormed towards the wives bedrooms.

Fuelled only by anger you ripped one of the doors open, the zip lock back still in your hold. The girls looked over at you, like deer in headlights noticing the pills in your hand and as the door shut one of the girls took her chance at wrestling you for the poison in your hand. When the others realised what was happening and that she couldn’t fight you on her own, the rest joined in piling on top of you scratching and pulling at your hair, pushing you down to the floor as you tried to scream and fight your way out of them. Without even thinking you pulled out your handgun and started shooting rounds into the women who hovered over you. It felt like a curse being such a good shot as you watched each wife drop, a few falling on top of you. You laid there for a moment, like you did in the field, completely speechless, your body now covered in their blood. You heard the door swing open but you didn’t dare look to see who it was. You just laid there, allowing the blood to soak into your clothes.

You recognised the next set of footsteps that came through the door, you knew for a fact it was Negan. Swallowing the lump in your throat you pushed the girls off you and sat up right, your eyes following Negan as he made his way across the room. Your eyes filling with tears as he witnessed the massacre. “I'm sorry” you croaked but you didn’t seem to grab his attention as he looked down at his fallen wives in pure disbelief. “I had no choice” the guilt had crept up now, strangling you with every breath you took. That’s when he looked at you, a look you could never forget. He looked so confused yet angry at the same time as he took in the sight of you, bathed in his late wife's blood, he didn’t talk, he just looked in the direction of the door before turning his back to you.

“Put her away” he spoke softly, not allowing his emotions to better his judgement. You shook your head as you stood up to your feet, attempting to avoid the other saviours.

“No, you don’t understand. Please let me explain! They were trying to kill you, they had pills. You have to believe me.” you cried but it was no use.

-

You had been in the small box room for a while now, still covered in blood, you sat in the corner of the dark room, holding onto your knees as tightly as you could replaying the last couple of years in your head. You never felt so much shame before after everything he did for you, you go and kill his wives. Why you didn’t tell him before you went in there all Rambo you’ll never understand. The anger got too much for you to process. The sound of the door unlocking broke your concentration. You looked up hoping and praying they would let you out now. The light stung your eyes a little, causing your arm to act as a barricade as they adjusted to the new light. “We didn’t find any pills” the voice that once made you melt like butter now only causes you tears, you looked at the man in disbelief, though all you could see was his silhouette.

“No, no… you have to look again. Ask Eugene, he made them. Please Negan you have to believe me” you pleaded as he leant down to your eye level… similar to the way he did when he first found you.

“He doesn’t know what you’re talking about” his tone was soft which only made you more anxious. You shook your head vigorously, why would Eugene lie like that

“No, please. I would never lie to you, Negan. Please.” Your tears seemed to clean your bloody face as you reached forward to place your hands on his but he pulled away. “Please, I love you. I would never try to hurt you like this” you almost skipped passing, admitting your feelings for the man as you sat there pleading but the butterflies swam in your stomach as you heard his breathing getting heavier.

“So you did all this… all this because your a jealous fuck?” he screamed at you, you could hear the sound of your heart breaking. “You’re pathetic.” He finished before turning on his heels and shut the door behind him. You heard the lock on the door turn once more but you bolted towards it anyway, slamming your fists into the door attempting to speak under your cries but to no avail. You sat back in your corner, attempting to catch just one breath but you couldn’t… all you could do was rock back and forth… hoping one day he would see sense and free you from this cage.

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[ramblings-of-a-mad-cat]

What are your thoughts on merope? She seems like out all the people she could of given burth too the dark lord is like strange?? I know he can't feel love cus the love potion but we have people like that already who don't murder people. I just dont get why she's him mother. She seemed like a sad lonely person not at all like her son but perhaps im just looking too deep into it

I am conflicted about Merope, but ultimately not a fan.

Before I go any further, I want to say that I do not believe for one second, this idea that your ability to love can be compromised by being conceived under the effects of a love potion. I think that was meant to be pure symbolism and not anything mechanical that actually affected him in-story. J.K. Rowling has had quite a few problematic takes in recent memory, but even if that's what she had in mind and I sort of doubt it was, I'm just going to ignore it and treat it as symbolism instead. Being "unable to love" has always been code for "irredeemable" in the Potterverse, and overall that idea would send a horrific and unacceptable message about people who are born as the products of rape.

Which ah...brings me to Merope, and to her crimes. Look, on some level I do feel for her. She was blatantly abused by her brother and her father. It seems very clear that this was not just emotional but probably physical. She was treated like dirt, like a slave, and it seems as though her magic suffered as a result. Which led to more abuse from her racist relatives who called her a squib, and the whole thing circulated in a vicious feedback loop. For all we know, there was sexual abuse too. Dumbledore makes a point of telling us that the Gaunts were inbred. I genuinely love that Merope just left with nothing but a note for her father explaining that she was gone. She got herself out of that situation, and good for her. But um...yeah, we need to talk about what she did to Tom Riddle Senior.

I know, I know. He was a rich asshole who looked on those in poverty with disdain. His parents owned pretty much everything and he was probably the "Jeff Bezos" type of personality. And he abandoned his baby! So he's just a terrible human being, right? Well uh...not entirely. Because even though he left Merope with the baby and didn't stay or support her...why should we expect him to? Merope abducted him and kept him enslaved, just as she herself had once been, and there can be no room for misinterpretation here, she sexually abused him. She was pregnant with his baby, so she used that love potion to its fullest effect. Not to mention, this pregnancy would eventually grow up into the son that would track him down and murder him. So Merope's actions, however indirectly, led to Tom Sr's death.

I'm not surprised, ultimately, that Merope did what she did. Her case is like Ismelda Murk's brought to the absolute extreme. She was emotionally scarred and all alone, and she had a crush on Tom Sr. She just wanted to be loved and she had the power to make him "love" her. But she also knew it wasn't real and I think that's why she set him free. Whether this was do to her own selfishness of wanting him to love her "for real" or because she felt guilty for what she had done to him...who knows. It doesn't really change that she kidnapped him, brainwashed him, and kept him as a slave for what had to be close to a year. I don't want to say that she got what was coming to her, but she kind of did. Being left alone was the consequence of her choices.

Merope didn't deserve to die alone, no one does. She didn't deserve to be ripped off by Borgin and Burke's. But she made her own bed, and I don't really feel sympathy for her beyond fear for that baby. Even knowing who the baby would become. No, there's a lot of storytelling genius to the tragedy that was Voldemort's origin, but realistically it had very little to do with his actual fall to the dark side, because he never knew either of his parents. I will admit that he seemed to be leaning toward darkness even as a young boy, and they even say that he never cried. So I can understand why some might think he was "born bad" but truthfully, no one is born bad. I never cried as a baby either. Tom Riddle was a deeply disturbed child who probably could have turned out to be a marginally better person and never inflicted the destruction on the world that he did, if only he had gotten the help that he badly needed. But it was never to be.

[chatonyant]

im just so sad about this funky crow ninja

Listen

Listen

Itachi is just

Such a tragic character and it makes me so sad

Like he's a pacifist at heart but he was forced to be the literal opposite at such a young age and I'm just so sAD ABOUT IT

(Under cut cause it’s long and it’s about the uchiha massacre if yall would rather not read bout that But it also has some soft ideas down at the way bottom if yall wanna just speed scroll to the bottom)

How he came to the choice he made regarding the Uchiha massacre totally makes sense to me. It wasn't a good decision, it wasn't a decision best suited for the situation, but it made sense. And it gets worse once you realize that he was 13. Thirteen. No wonder he couldn't find/use a third option. He's still a child, even in this world of child soldiers. He bloodied his hands and wore a mask so that the home he loved and the brother he adored could be safe.

I wish his story could've been written... better, for a lack of proper words. Maybe that is the right word. But I want to see him do more for Konoha. He became a missing nin for Konoha to spy on Akatsuki/Madara but we don't see the results of that. What information does Konoha get from him? Because we know that he's still loyal to Konoha after all this time. Did he do anything to slow Akatsuki down? Did he do things to benefit Konoha or stop something from badly impacting it? What did he do?

And then he dIES AND HE JUST DOESNT GET A BREAK AND IM HHHHH :((((((

And he was sick and going blind too!!!! I swear he was the universe's punching bag (though one of many cause the naruto universe just Be Like That)

Fuck ok I came on here to ramble about Itachi in my au but then got sad sO AU TIME NOW

For one I want to make him.... more sympathetic? A redemption works best when its shown from the start that there is more than meets the eye. Like Zuko, for example. He was a jerk, but there are moments where it's clear that he's not as much of a jerk as he could have been. And I wanted to do something similar with Itachi (and a couple other villains tbh but it's also a matter of "Should you survive" coughObitocough I love you but idk if you survive in this au or not but I have ideas nonetheless but that is for a later time)

Anyways, morally grey but more clearly Itachi

Honestly I've got more ideas for his ending than the beginning. Which is... very annoying. This is unfortunately the case for many... many of my ideas....

An idea I've been juggling with is Itachi not killing everyone. He definitely kills everyone who's activated their sharingan and anyone who is/was a shinobi. So everyone who's not a civilian. So,,, the survivors are very very little and are civilian mothers and civilian children too young to even attend the academy and like the occasional shop owners. The massacre was to stop the coup and prevent it from ever happening, so those who have the power to set forward this coup are any shinobi. And unfortunately, the Uchiha clan is an old shinobi clan.

Itachi is not a blank mask and does cry when he kills his parents and they leave their parting words. He's 13, forced to commit a crime that goes against his every wish, moral, and beliefs. Plus I believe the Uchiha are naturally every emotional- or at least feels it more intensely than others. Their whole defining ability has to do with emotions. They feel Very Strongly.

And thus by "cry" I mean he cries a lot. He almost has a breakdown right then and there when little baby Sasuke crashes in and see his crying older brother holding a bloody blade over his two very dead parents. 

For someone willing(ish) to murder a(lmost) a whole clan for the sake of his little brother, Itachi sure does directly hurt Sasuke a lot. Like genjutsu torture? Placing responsibility of avenging a whole clan on his tiny, angry shoulders? Oof, Itachi, bad ideas. 

So Itachi wants Sasuke to be safe. To be happy to the best of his ability. So instead, he uses a milder form of Tsukuyomi to place a suggestion in his baby mind that Itachi was in fact a cold hearted murderer. But the human mind is a strange thing that is difficult to understand, so for years Sasuke has nightmares of that night with his perception of Itachi varying wildly between a stone cold face and a tear-stained one. 

Itachi doesn’t do the whole “hate me and kill me for vengeance” because, again, he wants Sasuke to be safe and happy. Considering that he lives in a shinobi village and just had a highly traumatic experience, both are hard to come by, but the least Itachi can do is not have Sasuke’s whole life be overcome by hatred. Curse of Hatred is a very real thing, Itachi. I know you want Sasuke to have a goal to drive him forward and not waste away but bad idea Itachi. Maybe he says something else. Maybe he tells Sasuke to get stronger (but not in a “so you can get revenge” kind of way). I don’t know. But he doesn’t quite plant the idea of vengeance in his mind, so Sasuke’s motivation and drive ends up differently. Butterfly effects oho Also since Sasuke unlocked his sharingan during the massacre... is it possible to activate mangekyo as well? Cause he loves Itachi most, yes, but he also loved his parents, his mom especially. Would that be enough? Wiki says “death of someone close to the user”, so it’s possible, I think.

So many ideas about the massacre holy shit

Like Shisui. I’d totally love to make him live but frankly, I’ve got no idea how. :”D sorry Shisui, you’ll have to stay dead until I can find a solid reasoning as to how you survived and why

As for Madara/Tobi, well in anime he went after the Police headquarters while Itachi went after everyone else so there’s that, not much to change there

Then there’s a whole bunch of aftermath hijinks

Itachi is said to have aided Konoha within Akatsuki, but it’s not very clearly shown. Considering how we aren’t shown what exactly he passed on, that will be uh.... perhaps expanded on later. 

Sasuke and Itachi interactions before Shippuden would be different due to Sasuke’s own differences, but those differences haven’t be set yet so that will be explained later.

Ok, now the whole Itachi dying and being reincarnated shebang. Fourth War sure is wild as fuck. “Let’s mass reincarnate people!” what.

I don’t want Itachi to die. I want to let him rest. But not in death. 

So the general idea I have for the “end” of the story is:

He becomes legally blind. Not completely blind, but very close. His chakra coils are fucked and his sharingan are stuck in a way that he can kinda see chakra but very vaguely. 

His illness isn’t completely healed, but it’s much better than before; Sakura and Tsunade are legendary at what they do

He returns home to Konoha. Not sure how he will be accepted into the village but I was thinking the village makes a half-lie half-truth story pinning the blame on Danzo (Cause when in doubt, blame Danzo. Or Zetsu. But Zetsu isn’t blamable here)

He may not be imprisoned, but he isn’t free to roam. He’s monitored and has a (temporary?) seal placed on him limiting his use of chakra.

Itachi is surprisingly ok with all of this. He gets to retire from a shinobi life and he’s unraveled the story to Sasuke and was gifted a form of forgiveness. Life’s chill.

He works at the Yamanaka flower shop. It’s calming, peaceful, and it’s run by Yamanaka, powerful shinobi and also knowledgeable on psychology.

His crows are now seeing eye crows. They sit on either his shoulders or head and squawk whenever Itachi is too close to bumping into something. Sasuke very much enjoys when the crows are on Itachi’s head because when he tosses little treats at the birds, sometimes they land in Itachi’s hair.

It’s very hard for the shinobi to fear this honestly tiny man (because Itachi is small, fight me) who’s humming while watering plants with a bird on top of his head while the various heroes of Konoha take turns tossing treats at the bird like it’s a dog. 

“Nii-san. Nii-san stop squishing my cheeks.” “But Sasuke I want to see your face.” “Nii-san-”

oh my god so much brain power used on the massacre just so i could make itachi have a very domestic ending

[s-mething-mbti]

Hiya! I just discovered your blog and was wondering if you could help try to type me (sorry this is pretty long)

1. I’m currently pretty torn between the intuitive introverts. I was able to narrow it down to INTJ, INFJ or INTP. I’m about 97.2% sure I use Ni. The only thing that’s giving me a bit of doubt is I find myself occasionally learning for the sake of learning which I’ve found is a traditionally Ne trait. Despite this I’m still pretty sure I use Ni as when I go down a rabbit hole and start learning for the sake of learning its always about a topic that interests me or is entertaining. I won’t waste my time learning about something I find mundane or drab. I resonate a lot with Ni’s “aha” moments where the correct answer simply pops into my head or a vision suddenly seems clear or a plot holes solution suddenly seems painstakingly obvious. I also resonate with starting out with a broader range of information/ possibilities and narrowing it down to one or two things. Another intuitive thing I highly relate to is living in the future. If almost never living in the present, and a constantly fixate on the future. I have a distinct, clear, and well thought out plan for the next 20 years (give or take).

Where I run into a bit of trouble is when I try to figure out which judging functions I predominantly use. It honestly feels like I use them all (though I know you’re only supposed to be able to use two well). For example I plan out everything, and set deadlines for myself. My desk often seems really messy to others especially when I’m doing art. This isn’t because I don’t value cleanliness, but because it simply makes more sense to keep all my art supplies out rather than having to spend at least fifteen minutes taking them out and then putting them away only to take them right back out the next day. I set goals based off of easily measurable, external things such as time, or grades. I make daily to do lists that outline everything I’ll need to do in the day, and some stuff to focus on if I have extra time. With my to do list I also plan out the approximate time each thing should take. When coming up with a scientific theory, I take others opinions/theories and test them against each other, and current scientific laws in order to formulate the most probable theory. External opinions (in a scientific/ logical manner) mean a lot to me (I don’t really care about how people that aren’t my friends think of me). To me these things seem very Te. But then I’m always smiling and am a fairly warm person. I want my friends to be happy, and I want to help others. I despise emotionally driven conflict(though I love debates), and while I’m not afraid to disrupt it if it threatens my morals/ is promoting something blatantly wrong (factually or morally) I do really harmony. These seem like pretty Fe things to me. As for Fi, I rarely share my negative emotions, preferring to deal with them predominantly alone. While I may not talk about them much I also have EXTREMELY strong morals. If something is crossing them I’m not going to simply ignore it for the sake of harmony. While I tend to be private I do try to be as authentic as possible. My morals are derived by information I’ve collected and decisions I’ve made myself, rather than being derived by ‘the groups’ collective morals if that makes sense. To me these things appear to be very Fi. As for Ti, sometimes I enjoy learning simply for the sake of learning. The knowledge may have no practical use to me but if I find it interesting or want to learn about it I can devote hours to it. I try and come to the most logical/accurate conclusion possible, and when I’m offering advice I may offer additional advice that takes different variables into account. The truth is really important to me as well.

2. Reading. I absolutely ADORE reading(specifically fantasy/sci-fi/dystopian books or research/scientific articles about topics that interest me). For reference there was a period of time when I had some free time and I was reading 2 or 3 books a day? Read maybe 50 books in the span of 20 days? But yeah I absolutely love reading. Just he way the book sucks you in and deposits you and a completely new world full of wonder and disaster and ugh it’s just magnificent. And don’t even get me started on impeccable character development and eeee. The way rereading a book feels like you’re reconnecting with an old best friend or going back to your childhood home and *sobs*. I also LOVE trying to predict plot twists and character deaths. Most of the time I can predict things correctly and idk it’s really fun to just try and figure out what’s going to happen before the big reveal. And the rush of satisfaction you get when you’ve guessed something right- it also helps me brace for character deaths (sorta. For example I knew *the* death in the final empire [by Brandon Sanderson] was coming since nearly the very beginning [I had my suspicions since the moment vin was introduced] but I still sobbed when the character died. [a tad off topic but what caused me to cry wasn’t the death itself but another characters reaction to it. This is often the case I find. A death of a character I love leaves me feeling empty but what typically gets me to cry is the others reactions- for thus reason funerals usually make me cry. I should also add that I only cry when I’m alone. I’ve cried around people (that aren’t my parents) a grand total of 1 time.]

Uh and daydreaming. I’m almost always daydreaming. Ie. if my brain was a search engine or whatever one tab would be reality and I would consecutively have at lest 20 other tabs open. Some of then playing videos (daydreams) others supplying music(if I’m not actively listening to real music my brain cycles through songs I have memorized. Occasionally does this with book scenes too if I’m bored [yes, I memorize some of my favourite scenes, word for word, so I can play them like a movie in my head when I, bored) others containing random info (just me thinking random stuff) etc.

3. I guess how to solve some problems? Wether it’s a math or science problem, or an argument between friends, figuring out how to solve things has always been something I’m decently good at. Math and science just. Make sense. And then with issues between people I’m good at looking at different perspectives (even ones that I don’t agree with) and playing out different scenarios/ possible outcomes of different approaches. This lets me come up with a solution that will successfully solve the problem with the least amount of negative ramifications involved

4. Hmm maybe being present? I honestly feel like life is passing me by and I’m just immobilized on the sidelines. Im so far into the future that I kinda forget to actually *live* every once in a while.

5. Honesty? Truth? Morals? These topics are all really interesting as they can be kinda subjective. The line between honesty and cruelty is so small. What is truth? Cause while yes, we have some set truths (such as the earth is orbiting the sun) so many ‘truths’ are simply subjective and completely depend on ones perspective. And morals my goodness. The stormlight archive is a really fun series that plays around with things like what is justice? And honour? I won’t get into it now but it brings up so many really interesting questions regarding morals.

6. Perspective . I think perspective is such a fascinating thing. Just. Different opinions. Seeing the world through completely different lenses. Interpreting the same thing in utterly different ways. When toying around with an idea I find it really fun to try and imagine opposing perspectives. While I can find different perspectives really interesting, they can also well... get on my nerves to say the least. Sometimes someone perspective is just? So blatantly wrong? And has absolutely no factual evidence backing it up? And part of me wants to just just scream and it would be so much easier if everyone just. Assessed the facts in front of them instead of making wild accusations or whatever without anything to support them. But yeah overall I think perspectives are really cool and they’re part of what helps to make the world diverse and life so much less interesting without different perspectives.

The future. I’ve found a bunch of my friends find thinking about the future stressful but if I’m being honest I find solace in thinking about the future. Having things planned out and knowing what I intend to do/ where I want to go takes off so much stress. I lowkey live in the future and I honestly cannot wait till it comes, and I achieve my goals. While I might be a bit scared the future excites me so much more than it’ll ever scare me.

7. Maybe add some more stuff about the judging functions and feelings and thinking etc . I absolutely adore science and math. I literally do math for fun. I’m currently aiming to get my PhD in astrophysics.

Not sure if this is relevant at all but my biggest (harmless) pet peeves are my grandmother’s door stopper (it always gets stuck in the door and then u can’t get it out and the door won’t close properly- I have an unhealthy amount of hatred for that thing AHAHJSEJKSMDJDJDJJ) and when people say some variant of “you did good”. Like nO NO YOU DID NOT DO gOoD. YOU DID W E L L (Anyways theres my little mini rant).

I’m my friend groups therapist (sorta). While I’m really not good with words and recycle the same three responses I always let everyone know that I’m here for them and they can talk to me without judgement etc. While I really don’t know what to say or do I try my best because I care about my friends and want to help them. I love them and so I want them to be able to be happy. Im always smiling (though this is more so because people don’t ask me how I’m doing when I look happy than because I’m genuinely happy. Most of the time I’m he farthest thing from that). I’m a pretty warm person who’s always happy to help, however I’m very introverted. I haven’t had a single conversation with the majority of people in my class (I’ve had a convo with maybe 5. Talk to 2 regularly. There are 26 people in my class). I never express negative emotions (with the exception of stress- I panic intensely in the 5 minutes immediately before taking a test as this helps me to completely turn off my nerves while I’m writing the exam. I may also make a joke or two about my negative emotions with close friends). I should also add that when making decisions I value logic more and think thinks through thoroughly, examining the pros and cons etc. While I take feelings and emotions into consideration when making decisions they’re more like an additional variable to consider rather than the main driving force that determines my decision. If I’m feeling really emotional and I need to make a decision I will postpone deciding until I feel more levelheaded. I’m really not impulsive in the slightest.

Thank you so much!!

INTJ

Living in the future rather than the present and your comfort in that sapce, your ability for and enjoyment of making predictions, your ability to really understand and try on different perspectives you don’t necessarily agree with, your focus on “ramifications” (aka future implications) while problem solving - this all points to high Ni.

You also show a Te preference - goals based on external metrics, to-do lists for daily tasks, logic based on the outer world (external opinion). When you said “While I take feelings and emotions into consideration when making decisions they’re more like an additional variable to consider rather than the main driving force that determines my decision” - that is a clear cut definition of Te over Fe preference.

Your tertiary Fi shows through here as well - willing to disrupt harmony if it upsets your morals, your morals being personally derived, needing to understand your emotions while alone. And lastly, your statement about “forgetting to live” from being in the future is pretty textbook inferior Se. 

[seamistan]

i can’t really imagine them having a child tbh but just for a second like imagine if mermista does get pregnant,, how would she find out?? how would she react?? oh boy how would seahawk react???

WELL. 

I have thought so long and hard about this I think I have such a solid story in my head that I like. need to type this out in a proper way dnkldnklsd

(this might get a little nsfw/nsfr so just a little warning)

(also it’s really long sjbnsdjknsd)

alright so basically for me it’s like 100% canon that Mermista and Sea Hawk literally,,,,, do not plan to have kids at any time soon but I don’t think it’s as much of a “I hate kids” thing and more like it was never something either of them really considered/thought about? so like whenever they eventually do sleep together it’s like not really a huge concern for either of them because like. They’re both hot and also I like to think that sickness doesn’t really exist on etheria beyond magical sickness, and if I recall correctly no one ever really *did* get sick on the show outside of magically-induced sicknesses, maybe there’s like little colds and food poisoning here and there but nothing that magic can’t totally fix- which is my long winded way of saying that in my head STDs/STIs don’t exist in etheria so the thought of protection totally slips both of their minds fbsdnjkfbsd 

Okay so in my head it’s about the time of the flash forward (~2/3 years post finale) and I can’t fully decide if I think they have gotten married at this point yet (if ever) but I think if they did it was as a joke/celebration/Sea Hawk wanted to throw a party kind of thing. I digress. Anyway this whole thing starts because let’s say princess prom ii and Scorpia’s first ball fall within the same week and Mermista has too much to drink like three days in a row (Catra challenged her to a drinking game and she lost real bad)  and unfortunately Sea Hawk is Very Bad at resisting Mermista when she shows him the kind of affection that she does when she’s like that (they boned.) 

anyway, now I have to kinda assume etherian mermaid anatomy is like huamn anatomy in which case, It’s about a month later and our poor fish wife is goin thru it and big suffering because she has the kind of morning sickness where she can’t vomit for whatever reason and is just nauseous all day and Sea Hawk is like,,, off on an adventure or something so he can’t dote on her so she’s not only real sick she also is missing her himbo and Simply Is Not having a Good Time. SO she calls up whatever doctor they have on etheria (would it be the magicians in mystacor? I cannot decide) So she like goes and tries to figure out what’s wrong because again having kids is deadass the last thing on her mind and Sea Hawk currently has custody of the brain cell since he’s off doing pirate shit or whatever so Mermista is like very obviously pregnant and showing all the signs of it but she’s still like *surprised pikachu face* about it and it just jsnsdfjlkfjksdf HUH???? and then they’re like did you use any sort of protection? and she is like. no. and then the doctor’s like: are you actively having sex? and the answer is yes and often and the doctor’s face is just so incredibly amusing like I can literally just see it now jsdflnflfdnk Its like princess,,, what did u expect like im

ANYWAY so Sea Hawk is off doin his pirate thing, which really just means he visits his friend’s kingdoms and vibes and then goes to seaworthy and arm wrestles for stupid things. One day, he encounters a very familiar Seagull who hops over to him and basically tells him he needs to get his ass to Salineas now and that can only mean one thing-  so Sea Hawk fuckin HUSTLES to Salineas and makes it there in record time. (just to be clear- he’s not really expecting anything, he just knows that if Mermista summons him via Seagull it’s like their mutual understanding that she either really misses him or it’s the Most Important Thing Ever. either way, if he doesn’t move fast, he will have a very upset mermaid on his hands.)

So when he makes it to Salineas, there’s Mermista waiting on the dock which is like super weird because even when she sends for him via seagull she’s always kinda nonchalant about everything and is just like. in the palace chilling somewhere. Regardless, she’s on the dock and looks so fucking nervous and so many other emotions that Sea Hawk can’t read which is so weird to him because she’s the one person he always can read. (she was a poem,,, he could only read one thing vibes ) So anyway he like leaps off the boat in some dramatic bisexual fashion and meets her. She kinda tells him and it just slips out more nervous than she expected because literally they haven’t talked about it and she feels so stupid for not considering it but its like there’s so much with Salineas being rebuilt and helping around all of Etheria and keeping everything from fucking falling apart again and- Sea Hawk just kinda looks at her and asks her what she wants and pretty much tells her that all he cares about is making sure she’s okay with whatever happens, because as cool as it would be to have someone that has his gorgeous hair and her stunning face to go on adventures with he’s just like. I want you to be happy. 

and honestly? She cries. Because in all of her anxiety and worrying and running around being a leader of a god damn kingdom that has crumbled twice she always somehow forgets to think about what kind of life she wants to live, and Sea Hawk always asks her to remember. It’s always in little moments like that. it’s in asking her what she wants before doing anything else. It’s in the fact that he asked her before kissing her for the first time, in the way he always respected her space, in the way he always somehow knows exactly what she needs to hear, in how despite how unbearable he can be, it’s the moments that he reminds her exactly why he’s her person. And Mermista truly could not imagine raising a child with anyone better. 

So after a long talk, and some input from some others (Micah and Netossa and Spinnerella, Sea Hawk’s own parents and weirdly enough, rogelio and kyle since they pretty much adopted imp)they decide that somehow without realizing it, they became a couple that was mature enough and ready enough for a child,,, which is so weird because sea hawk almost burned down the palace kitchen not even 2 months ago but like. they’re happy together, they understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, and are in such a good place in their relationship it just makes sense. 

So anyway, the pregnancy progresses as it does, with Sea Hawk being predictably protective and lovey and kinda just?? astounded that she like,, wants to have a kid with him of all people?? and it’s just very sweet and lovely and skdfnklsnfsdlk I feel like i am making this excessively long so lmk if you want some pregnancy/parenting headcanons because boy oh boy do i 

[fe-husband-heaven]

MByleth dealing with his love having a panic attack? The boy of no emotions on his face trying to calm a panic summoner. ((I had a huge ass panic attack today so lemme have fluffy professor calming down ya gurl with things hes seen in books like HUGS OR SOMETHING IDK MBYLETH PLEASE JUST HOLD MY HAND IM -LunarAnon ))

Lunar!! ʚ♥︎ɞ

I'd love to write for this! Ik its been a long time cries since you sent this in but I hope your days have been much better!

HC's:

Byleth at first does not understand what is happening, but he does understand that whatever it is, its not good.

His first course of action is to immediately move whatever caused the attack out of your sight, and if it's something that he can't remove, say its a crowd or something of the sort, then he'll lead you away to an empty clear space to help you breathe.

He will not pretend to know what you are feeling, Sothis's slumber had him feel next to nothing for most of his life, but he doesn't have to. Seeing you in distress alone is enough to have sadden him, the slight wilt of his shoulders and the downward tilt of his lips are clear enough.

He worries but he hopes that if he can remain calm, it might help you through it. If he can, he'll hold your hand and thumb gentle circles over it in repeated motions, or help you count your breaths.

If you need to keep away from contact with others, he will remain a good couple of feet away to give you room, carefully watching to see if you need any sort of assistance.

He's incredibly patient, sitting, and waiting for hours if he has to. You are very precious to him, and he'd do anything to see you well and happy.

From the first time is happens, he will be more wary of whatever caused it to occur in the first place. He's careful not to coddle you, fearing that it would feel like he is looking down at you

Once you come down from the worst and most intense of it, he'll prepare tea in hopes it will help calm your nerves a little, if your hands are still shaking, he'll hold them in his own for however long until they feel steadier.

If you just want to go back to your room and rest, he'll escort you there, carefully in case there's any dizziness.

His face might still be impassive but there's underlying turmoil. It is frustrating to watch someone undergo such an ordeal and not being able to immediately alleviate their suffering.

Especially when it's someone he cares about, he wishes he could take a share of the intensity in hopes that it might make it easier to get through but it doesn't work like that.

So all he can do is support you, and remain at your side. He'll be a little more protective after one happens, he doesn't need more stress added onto it.

After you are able to return to a steady composure, he'll want to give you a hug and a kiss but asks before in case you still aren't ready.

The slight scrunch of his eyebrows makes him look saddened but he'll try his best to cast it aside and smile or as close as he can get to one, he'd much rather greet you with his affection and happiness that you are feeling better than a sorrowful look that keeps the mood dampened.

[rvnjun]

weather boy | haechan

genre: super power!au 

warnings:  violence, mentions of blood

authors note: first part of The Dream Team series! Finally finished it after nearly two years of sitting in my drafts,,collecting dirt and cobwebs 

probably spelling and grammar mistakes because i suck at proofreading 

all i could think of when writing this 

The Dream Team M.list

Some people were born with their powers because their parents had them, others received them under strange and unusual circumstances 

most people fit into one of those two categories, it was nearly impossible for them not too

however, Donghyuck was a special case

technically he was born with his powers, but technically he received them thanks to a injection

his mother was a scientist working for a laboratory

for years she helped developed a serum that would give someone powers 

his mother was a courageous woman and offered herself up as the first test subject, they didn't know if the serum would kill her or even work

injecting it into herself she stayed under surveillance for weeks and the only thing that seemed to be happening was that she kept feeling nauseous and puking  

they brushed it off as a weird side effect

however, 1 month later she learned about her pregnancy

she left the lab and focused all her attention on raising her soon to be son

the thoughts of the serum still lingered in her mind, she was filled with despair at the fact that it seemed to not have worked 

but she would soon be proven wrong

when her son was born, clouds filled the room and rain began to pour down, wind started blowing everything around

the serum did in fact work, just not on her

Donghyuk had it slightly hard growing up

since neither of his parents had powers they weren't able to understand him

they took him to power therapy, there he learned how to control them and what he could do with them 

he knew that his powers were powerful and potentially dangerous 

watching the news caused him to see how people could take their amazing gifts and do some of the worst things with them 

the hatred and fear they caused, it was because of them that people would treat those with powers like trash and not human 

Donghyuck wanted to do good, he had a gift and he wanted to use it to save the world, to show those out their that hated his kind that they were also good people 

when he met up with people who also had powers, they called him crazy 

“Why would I risk my life for those who wouldn't risk theirs for me?”

“What's the point, its to much work!”

“Your crazy, ya know!”

it made Donghyuck bubble with rage

why couldnt they be more compassionate and understanding

normal humans had a right to be afraid of them, look at all the things “superheros” did to them

superheros were so focused on stopping the villian that sometimes they caused more damage then what the villain would have done 

Donghyuck confronted his power therapist, he went on a 30 minute rant on how he wanted to save peoples lives but no one else wanted to 

which is when his therapist told him about a young boy named Jaemin

apparently “Jaemin” was like him, he wanted to use his powers to help save people 

and that's how he met his best friends 

it was also how he met you

many of the fights and bad people seemed to target the same neighborhood

which was where you lived

it wasn't a bad neighborhood but it also wasn't the richest, it was perfectly in the middle 

there was many times when you would be sitting outside and all of a sudden some person was going off on a speech about taking over the world

you always casually watched from your porch

after awhile of watching them fight you chose to make them some snacks

Donghyuck was completely taken back when you casually approached them with sandwiches and water

it became your thing, you make them some food and bring it to them

while doing so you fell for the weather powered boy 

you were extremely shocked when you learned Donghyucks real identity 

he was the cute kid who never shut up in your chem class

which in hindsight, you should have known

Donghyuck was known for his weather powers

you laughed to yourself, people should have been smarter to realize that the kid in school with weather powers was actually the superhero,,,with weather powers 

he risked revealing his identity to you so you could date

The Dream Team, as they called themselves didn't mind, they all loved you

you had already proven that you were a nice person, that you actually cared about them 

dating Donghyuck was a little hard at first, only because sometimes he couldn't control his powers around you

like the time when some dude was hitting on you, Donghyuck made it downpour in the coffee shop,,,only on the guy 

then there was the time you two were swimming and messing around, he was shooting you heart eyes, the clouds cleared up even more and you swore you heard sweet music suddenly play in the background 

and your personal favorite was when you two were having a pretty intense make-out session and the temperature in the room raised a whole 10 degrees

(fahrenheit otherwise that would be concerning)

other than his rapid emotions he was an amazing normal boyfriend

he loved to show you off, if you ever felt insecure about something 

he would brag about you to everyone around him like you were a first place trophy 

you still brought his friends food after they fought, except this time Donghyuck enjoyed your kisses more than the food 

Everyone at your school was kinda shocked to learn that you were dating 

as far as they knew you never talked before

and then suddenly you were holding hands in the hallway while walking each other to classes 

As much as you loved Donghyuck for fighting,and helping people you couldn't help but feel scared for him sometimes 

the number of times he came over to your house with cuts and bruises on your face made your heart sink

you always told him that he should have gone to Jaemin for help but he said that you made him feel better 

like any other day you were sitting at your desk while working on some dreaded homework

the headphones blasting music in your ears distracted you from properly doing your work, plus its not like you were really trying

a light tap of your window caused you to look up with a soft smile

you were expecting to see Donghyuks smiling face

“Babe?” You asked when no one was in sight

feeling confused you stood up and stupidly opened the window

screaming Donghyucks name when someone grabbed you and pulled you out of it

you knew that Donghyuck wasnt near but you pleaded for him in your mind

begging for him to somehow hear you and save you

everything went black and the last thing you saw was the intruders smiling face

Donghyuck laughed along with his friends at Renjuns joke

suddenly Jisung stopped laughing and looked straight at Donghyuck

“Hyung, Y/n is in danger,” he said very seriously

“What? Don't joke like that,” Donghyuck snapped a bit

not really enjoying being joked with on something so serious

“Im not joking! I just know Y?n is in danger,” he protested growing more and more scared every second

everyone looked at him before Chenle spoke up

“Jisung would joke about something like that, Y/n must seriously be in danger.”

rushing out of his seat Donghyuck made a mad dash for your house

the clouds around began to darken, rain falling slowly

he pulled at his phone and repeatedly tried to call you but got no answer

adding to the sudden weather problems

wind harshly blew, a drastic change from the previous sunny and calm day

when Donghyuck arrived at your house and saw your open window he just knew Jisung was right

as much as he didnt want to believe him

looking around he couldn't see any sign as to where you could have been

tears began to fall down his face

calling Jisung he begged and pleaded for him to figure out where you were

Jisung thought and thought about everything before it came to him 

“I think,,I think Y/n is at the old abandoned factory on 8th str-” Donghyuck hung up before he could finish his sentence

Donghyuck turned and darted in the direction of the factory

people around him screamed as the rain poured harder and thunder boomed, lightning decorated the sky rapidly, cool and warm wind began to mix causing funnel clouds to appear

dangerously threatening the people out the city

back at the table Donghyuck friends stared at the sky in awe, they had seen Donghyucks powers before but never like this

silently praying for your safety they sat and watched the sky, waiting for it to change to show that you were okay 

he quickly arrived at the factory, the door burst open from wind before he could even touch it

he listened for a sound, running towards it

the door burst open as Donghyuck arrived, staring at your tied up and beaten figure

“Y/n,” he yelled, body shaking with anger

the guy in front of you immediately dropped what he was holding in fear

you cried in happiness at seeing your boyfriend, knowing that he was able to find you thanks to Jisung

“How dare you fucking hurt Y/n,” he said angrily

bursts of wind launched the man into the wall and held him there

the room rapidly rised in temperature, clouds formed in the room, replicating the weather outside

the man screamed out

Donghyuck stepped towards him as tornado began to form

he untied you, holding your body as you fell into his arms, knees weak from pain

gently he kissed your forehead “ill take you to Jaemin as soon as im done here baby,” he tone was the exact opposite of the one he used to the man just seconds before

you stared at the room in awe at his powers, not feeling the slightest afraid because you trusted him

a huge bolt of lightening stuck down on the man causing him to knockout

Donghyuck calmed down at seeing the injured man

the boys back at the table smiled at the sky when all the clouds disappeared the sun came out, wind changing to a gentle breeze

“Im so glad you are okay, I was so fucking worried,” he began to cry as he held you

“I don't know what I would have done if I lost you, Y/n you are my everything and I can't live without you,” he body shook with tears

holding him as tight as you could you rested your head on his chest 

“I screamed for you the whole time, all i wanted was to be right here,,in your arms,” you said happily

your eyes started to close, exhausted taking over your body

you placed a weak kiss on Donghyucks lips

“let me take you to Jaemin,”

Donghyuck smiled contentedly and carried you out of the room, ignoring the man, and was happily met with his friends

“Figured you'd need me,” Jaemin looked at you and smiled, healing all your wounds and making you feel like none of it had happened

“Well lets get out of here,” Jaemin said

Donghyuck followed behind his friends, refusing to put you back down

“,,,you aren't gonna heal the guy, Hyung? what if Donghyuk killed him?” Jisung asked in surprise

Jaemin waved his hand and shook his head 

Donghyuck scoffed “Sadly, he wasn't hurt that badly.” 

[honestlyhufflepuff]

A Different Kind of Fight

Fic request from @im-just-like-other-girls. I got a little emotional writing it, as the premise to the request was pretty intense, but I like where it ended up. Warning for suicidal thoughts and some swearing.

***

Steven’s knuckles were bone white as he gripped the steering wheel, so tight that Connie thought the wheel might break in half. He turned off the music when a song by Sadie and Shep came up, and now the only sound was his uneven breathing, and the accelerating roar of the old engine.

“It’s a nice night,” Connie muttered, glancing up at the full moon hanging in the sky. The forest and the ocean blurred by either side of them up the curving mountain road.

Steven gave a curt nod, gaze fixed straight ahead.

“Thanks for letting me come with you. I know you wanted to be alone, but you’ve been alone so much lately.”

Another nod.

She wanted to press more. She wanted to demand that he tell her everything, but she knew to tread carefully. If she pushed too hard, he would shut down, like he’d done many times over the past few months.

“So, where are we going?”

He shrugged. The motion was stiff.

“Ok, then why are we going?”

“Why?” he glanced over at her for the first time since she’d gotten in the car, “I needed to get away from them. I’m no good for them anymore.”

“Steven, they’re your family! They love you and-“

“I hurt him, Connie. I hurt my dad.”

Steven’s voice and his hands shook now.

“And then you healed him,” Connie said, offering a weak smile.

“The van wasn’t so lucky. That was his home.”

“That van was older than you. It didn’t have many miles left, anyway. And he can afford a-“

“Argh! You don’t get it!” Steven’s skin flared pink, casting an otherworldly hue on his dashboard. The car lunged forward as the gas pedal hit the floor and they swerved as he overcorrected for the curve in the road.

“Steven, be careful!” Connie gasped, bracing herself by placing her hands on the ceiling of the car.

Her breath caught in her throat as his breaks screeched, whipping into a gravel margin at a scenic overlook.

“Get out,” he said in a low, shaking voice. His pink skin faded in and out, struggling to return to its normal color.

“What? Here?”

“You were scared of me just now, right? That’s probably smart.”

“I’m scared of reckless driving, yeah! Why don’t you let me drive? We can go anywhere you want.”

Steven shook his head violently, tears spilling over his eyes. He was shouting now, “I shouldn’t have brought you. Get out of the car!”

“Like hell you shouldn’t have brought me! You’re gonna kill yourself driving like this.”

“And?”

“What do you mean ‘and?’” Connie demanded, and when Steven said nothing added, “What are you planning on doing when I get out of the car?”

“You know I’m stronger than you, Connie,” he stared straight ahead, refusing to look at her, “I’m asking you to get out of my car. If you don’t do it on your own, then I’ll carry you out.”

“And then what if I do get out?” she demanded, “What are you gonna do, crash the car off the mountain?”

“I,” his voice cracked and he cleared his throat, “I need to do this before I change my mind. It will be better for everyone. I wish you could see that.”

Connie felt her throat swelling, and her tears came so quickly that everything looked like she was underwater, sinking into the ocean.

Steven’s blurry form reached for her hesitantly and stopped just before touching her.

“I shouldn’t have brought you with me,” he repeated. His voice was softer now, in a way that was more broken than gentle, “I thought maybe with you here I wouldn’t want to- I thought that- Connie, all I do is hurt people. Even now I’m hurting you.”

“That’s not true, Steven! You saved my life the first time you met me! I said you were incredible, remember? I still think that.”

“That was then. That was before I was so messed up! I’m no good at helping people anymore. I’m not incredible, I’m not anything good. That’s why you have other friends at school that you see more than me. That’s why you’re going to be leaving for college. Because it’s better for you that way to get away from me!”

“Shut up!” cried Connie, flinging her arms around him and curling up in his lap, soaking the shoulder of his jacket with tears and snot. Steven’s hands froze in the air until they gradually lowered down to touch her back. Instead of embracing her, he plucked her off of him and placed her back in the passenger seat.

“I’m sorry I made you cry. I’m sorry for everything.”

“You’re my best friend, Steven,” she whispered, “You don’t have to be saving an entire species or galaxy or person to be worthwhile to me! I just want to keep growing up with you. Time may change how often we see each other, but it won’t change how much I love you.”

Steven did not act shocked at her love confession. It was said between them countless times over many years, albeit mostly from him since he was the sappier of the two. The word “love” had grown a few more layers of meaning than it had from their childhood, although neither of them knew the moment the transition took place. Maybe it was in the days locked inside Pink’s tower, not knowing if they would make it out before starving to death. Maybe it was after he had his gem pulled out by White. Maybe it was when he returned from space- a broad, strong teenager in place of the cuddly child.

“I love you, too,” he croaked, “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing!”

“Ok, I’m sorry for apologi-“

“Steven!”

“R-right,” he choked out a weak laugh and stared at his lap, “It’s hard not to when I’ve felt like I’ve had to apologize for my existence my whole life.”

“Some parents bring kids into the world without thinking about the consequences,” she thought of Rose Quartz with her saintly image now eradicated from Steven’s house, “That wasn’t a choice you made.”

“I know.”

“And some parents,” she paused, choosing her words slowly, “don’t really know how to parent, even if they love their kids more than anything. Especially if these parents are traumatized aliens from space all dealing with their own shit.”

He nodded.

“I think they’ve taught you- unintentionally- that you had to put everything you felt on the back burner in order to be a Crystal Gem. You had to be useful in order to spend time with them. It was like you were filling a bucket for years, and now it’s overflowing.”

Steven started crying then and continued for several minutes. When Connie’s delicate hands wiped away the tears, he didn’t stop her.

“You’re not going to get out of the car, are you?”

“Not without you.”

“I figured as much. Stubborn.”

“Like my mother,” she said proudly.

“Does it bother you,” he asked in a small voice, “that I still want to do it? That I think about it every day now? About how nice it would be to not worry about the future? To not have to deal with all this change?”

“It does bother me,” she took his hand, “But you know, everything changes. And this will change, too. You won’t always feel like this. So please, just don’t give up. You are still my first and my best friend. And I would never be the same in a world without you in it.”

Steven sank his face into his hands, and all Connie could do was hold him. She didn’t know how long he sobbed for, but it was long enough that her arm he was leaning on fell asleep. She couldn’t stop marveling at how this boy who was stronger than any human on the planet could seem so small.

Once Steven’s breathing was steadied again, she said “I’m sworn to be your knight and fight by your side. That includes this kind of fight, too.”

He nodded, burrowing into her soaked shirt. His arms entwined around her tightly, pulling her closer, and he let out a shaky exhale she hadn’t realized he was holding in.

Connie pulled Steven’s chin up to meet her eyes, giving him a little smirk, “And if you shut me out again, I’ll fight you.”

This earned a little laugh out of Steven, and it was like music to her. There was a time when they were even sparring partners, but with Steven evolved into his full powers, Connie couldn’t hope to catch up to him with any amount of training due to her 105-pound wiry human frame. Luckily she had learned other ways to contend with him when needed, and she felt she’d won their match that night.

Steven straightened in his seat, grabbed a bottle from the cup holder, and splashed some water in his face. He wiped himself off with the sleeve of his jacket. His eyes were still red and puffy, but there was a life back in them that Connie hadn’t seen in sometime. Then he got out of the car.

“Steven,” Connie rushed after him, “where are you going?”

“It’s ok, I’m just getting some stuff.”

He walked to the back of the Dondai and creaked the trunk open, “I can’t go back there tonight. I need some time. I’ve kept all this camping stuff in my trunk for a while now, just in case I needed to get away. It’s really kept me sane a few times.”

Connie looked into the large pack stashed in the car. There was a sleeping bag, a lantern, freeze dried food, a large jug of water, a knife, some extra clothes, and a filter to get more water from the river.

“I can go ahead and take you home. I’m sorry I was telling you to just get out earlier with no ride. I wasn’t thinking straight. I promise you that I won’t do anything rash tonight, ok? I’m just going to camp. And I will call you first thing in the morning to let you know I’m still here.”

Connie crossed her arms, “No way in hell am I leaving you alone tonight.”

“B-but I promised I would-“

“Nope, not doing it,” she struggled to sling the pack over her shoulders before Steven easily lifted it from her, “I’m camping with you.”

“Well, the only problem with that is that I just have one sleeping bag.”

“And? We’ve literally shared a body before. You think I draw the line at sleeping bags?”

Steven’s cheeks flushed a deep red, and it sent a thrill through her to see him get so flustered, “That was when we were kids.”

“Well, if sharing a sleeping bag sounds crowded we could fuse.”

His eyes snapped up to hers, wide and hopeful, before they fell again, “I don’t think I’m ready to fuse right now. With anyone. I’ll just let you have the sleeping bag. I’m ok without it.”

Connie rolled her eyes, and they began their hike into the forest.

Steven lightened up little by little as they walked, pointing out his favorite spots to her, and wild plants he’d learned to forage from. His mind became clearer as the air did, rising above the pollution of the city and its inhabitants.

He shrugged his jacket onto her shoulders as she shivered. The mountain got a lot colder than the beach did at night.

“We’re almost there, Connie. There’s the perfect spot right up ahead.”

She could hear babbling water as they approached a clearing right by the bank of a mountain stream filled with wildflowers. The water glittered in the moonlight, and a herd of deer stared at them cautiously from the trees.

“So, this is home for the night,” he said.

She watched him as they set up camp, conversation not coming as easily as it used to. There was a tension in the air that didn’t used to exist between them, and Connie felt like she was studying him to see how much of his calmed mood was genuine.

They gathered wood, built their fire, and ate re-hydrated mac and cheese with canned vegetarian chili for dinner. Only the occasional phrases passed between them to relay needed information for the tasks at hand. Connie got the impression that he did appreciate the company, but that he was also relieved they weren’t talking too much. She figured it was fine to go at his own pace in opening up, as long as he was safe, and eventually the silence became serene and welcome.

“It’s so quiet,” she said as their food settled.

“It’s not,” he said, eyes staring at the dying embers of the fire, “Listen.”

When she stopped focusing on their lack of words, the sounds of the forest filled her awareness. Crickets sang, water ran, leaves rustled, fire crackled, and wind whistled. She closed her eyes, taking it all in.

“You like listening to everything out here?” she said, smiling.

He nodded.

“Do you come out here as a kind of grounding technique? I was reading about those in my psychology textbook.”

“I guess you could call it that. Talking is hard for me right now. But the sounds out here talk to me, and they don’t expect me to talk back. They’re not disappointed if I don’t say anything at all.”

“I’m not disappointed, Steven.”

He blinked and stared at her with wide eyes, “I’m glad.”

Connie was trying to put together something else to say when Steven stood up suddenly and furled out the sleeping bag.

“I’m going to go to sleep. Goodnight, Connie.”

“Oh, goodnight…” she wiggled herself into the sleeping bag and watched Steven lay on the grass.

“You sure you don’t want to come sleep by me?”

“N-no, that’s ok. It’s a nice night,” he said, despite that he was visibly shivering.

Connie was glad he could not hear how hard she rolled her eyes.

“It’s kind of cold tonight,” she said.

“You’re cold?”

“Yep, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.”

She gave a fake little sneeze and grinned as she heard Steven sigh and get up. She rolled over and looked at him standing above her, clutching one arm and averting his eyes.

“I have a feeling you’re manipulating me,” he said.

“Don’t worry, Universe, I won’t take advantage of you.”

“I guess it would make sense. To keep warm,” he said slowly.

“Sure would. Now shut up and get in.”

She unzipped the bag and let him sidle in beside her before closing them both in like a toasty cocoon. She twined one arm around his waist and the other tangled in his soft pillow of hair, stroking his scalp to make his body soften and relax like her mother use to do for her when she had a nightmare.

She stopped when a sharp point pricked her hand, and looked down to see a small horn barely protruding out from his curls.

‘Great,’ she thought, ‘yet another new and mysterious thing about my half-alien best friend.’

She considered telling him about it only for a second before deciding whatever the horn meant could wait until morning. They had both been through enough, and Steven looked so peaceful.

She laid awake for much longer than he did, repeating in her mind what Steven wanted to do to himself just a few hours before. Her entire chest ached even considering a world lacking Steven. Laying in the forest with him, she knew the night had ended in a small victory, but they were not out of the woods yet. She had a feeling the new pointed growth on Steven’s skull represented that.

“Connie?” he said in a bleary voice, thick with sleep.

She startled, “Yeah, Steven?”

“I was a little cold, too. Thanks.”

Connie smiled and kissed his forehead as he drifted back off. A small victory was a lot to be thankful for.

[sheikah]

Have you seen Rise of Skywalker yet? Im looking forward to your opinions!

I did! Thanks for your interest haha. I just wanna quickly preface this by saying that I know that SW is very polarizing and that the fandom can be very toxic, people are passionate about their opinions, etc. I don’t want to step on any toes with my opinions. I don’t often post in depth or candidly about SW because I have friends from all parts of the fandom and I’d hate to hurt someone’s feelings. But these are my opinions! (Under a cut :D)

I loved the movie. At first I wasn’t sure, but I saw it a second time with a friend and I loved it. Does it have plot holes, inconsistencies, and issues? Absolutely. It does. It’s far from perfect and I absolutely understand why so many people have such intensely negative reactions to it. 

But if I’m being 100% honest I just wasn’t one of those people. Yes, it was rushed. But that made it interesting from start to finish. I almost always step out to use the restroom during a movie in theaters. I think it’s a mental thing–I’m constantly thinking of how I DON’T want to step out to pee, so I always have to haha. But I didn’t even think about it once during this movie! I just had that much fun watching it. 

I can acknowledge that it had a lot of weaknesses, though, and I’ll talk about that first. I think most of the issues were a result of the film being the end of a trilogy that was helmed by two different people. It felt confused to me at points because I could see where JJ was trying to stick to what he clearly wanted to explore post-TFA while also trying to pick up where Rian Johnson left off post-TLJ. It’s like they had different visions and JJ was trying to include aspects of both in TROS. In a lot of ways, that didn’t work. I don’t want to go into too many nitpicky details but I can sum up my one big gripe by saying I think Finn was done wrong. 

I think this movie had a lot of big character moments for Rey, Ben, and Poe, but I don’t feel like Finn got his due. I also think that from a shipping standpoint he was treated really unfairly. I genuinely felt while watching TFA that JJ was trying to lay the groundwork for canon Finnrey. In TLJ, Johnson went in a different direction with Finnrose and Reylo. So the problem, to me, is that in TROS JJ tried to follow up with Johnson’s Reylo groundwork while still including nuggets of Finnrey. Watching the film, it seems abundantly clear to me that Finn was harboring feelings for Rey that were unrequited. His devotion to her felt one-sided and the almost-love-confession in the sinking sand seemed to confirm that for me. I realize at some fan panel JJ apparently said that what Finn was really going to confess was that he was Force-sensitive, not that he loved Rey. But any viewer watching the movie without that knowledge would not get that from it imo, so the average viewer is left thinking the writing left Finn in unrequited love with Rey. And the writing completely brushed the Finnrose relationship to the side. I’m a Finnrey shipper so I didn’t really love Finnrose to begin with. But since Johnson started it, I honestly don’t know why JJ didn’t just continue it if he was going to continue Reylo. It seems better than spending time establishing Finn’s continued feelings for Rey only to leave him alone, especially since TLJ ended with Finnrose: it should have been easy enough to pick up their relationship and carry it forward. I know unrequited love exists, and exploring it in fiction can be poignant. But in this case it just didn’t track to me, and felt like a slap in the face to Finn’s character and anyone who was shipping Finnrey, Finnrose, or even Finnpoe. There seemed to be no reason to write Finn’s actions toward Rey the way they did if they weren’t going to put them together. Finn wasn’t together with anyone in the end. And in the same vein, shoehorning in a past romance for Poe with Keri Russell’s character just felt like a cheap way to make sure Finnpoe wasn’t going to happen. Idk. But these were the only aspects I really didn’t like. 

I loved the many displays of Rey’s incredible power. I loved seeing Rey use the Force to heal, just like we saw Baby Yoda do in that week’s episode of The Mandalorian. I thought the scene where she accidentally used Force lightning was chilling and interesting foreshadowing for Rey Palpatine, even though I don’t really love that she’s a Palpatine. That being said, as a scorned Dany fan, I really enjoyed the message that who you are by blood should not define you. GoT ultimately ended with the message that your family and your family’s legacy are inescapable, grim realities. TROS had a much more hopeful message. This is also an important message to me personally because I have a lot of baggage with my father and his side of the family. It’s something I’ve struggled with. I never want to be like him. That aspect of Rey’s inner conflict was really beautiful to me and I think Daisy portrayed her struggle with darkness very well. I also thought her vision of dark!Rey was terrifying and really well done. The scene of her looking in the mirror at herself under Ahch-To in TLJ was probably my favorite scene of that movie so I liked seeing JJ utilize similar imagery there.

I loved seeing the trio together on a mission. The chemistry between Daisy, John, and Oscar is excellent and the comedy and wholesomeness between them is what made the movie so fun and memorable imo. I would have been happy with an OT3 for their characters, but c’est la vie haha.I loved the fan service. What can I say? I’m a fan: I like to be serviced lol. I know it was cheesy to some people, but Force Ghost!Luke lifting his X-Wing out of the water for Rey made me tear up. It was a nice callback to the moment with Luke and Yoda on Dagobah. Speaking of callbacks, I also loved the final shot with the binary sunset on Tatooine. I’ll admit I don’t really get why Rey has BB-8, or why she’s alone, or why she would choose to live in a place that even Luke wanted desperately to leave… but the visual and musical parallel to ANH got me right in the feels in the best way.

I loved seeing Ian McDiarmid return as Palpatine, who was as delightfully evil as ever. I don’t really understand how or why Palpatine had to come back, and I am not satisfied with the explanation for Snoke. But the Emperor is a classic and an iconic character I love. Having him as the ultimate baddy was satisfying in its own way. I also thought everything abot Exegol and the Sith fortress was terrifying and visually stunning. Even the sound effects of the lightning, and the way that blended with ominous music, was really interesting to me. I loved almost every sequence that took place on Exegol.

Lastly, (and this is the part I have been nervous to post about haha) I liked Ben Solo. I am not a Reylo shipper. That’s not something I talk about really because I have a ton of Reylo friends and I really treasure those people. The last thing I want to do is hurt their feelings or make them feel unwelcome on my blog. But In TFA and TLJ I didn’t really see that many redeeming qualities in Kylo Ren, and I certainly don’t ship him with Rey. I liked the character as a villain from the first moment I heard Adam Driver’s epic voice and saw Kylo Ren freeze Poe’s blaster bolt in stasis using the Force. I thought he was cool and I loved the crazy sound effects and unstable appearance of his unique lightsaber. But I just didn’t really romanticize him at all. I also thought TLJ ended on a pretty definitively negative note for the character. He told his men in no uncertain terms to blow the Falcon out of the sky with Rey in it. And I didn’t think killing Han and trying to kill Luke was something he was going to come back from. I didn’t really want “Bendemption.” 

I say all this because I think this is one of the reasons why TROS impressed me so much. When it actually happened, I was happy that Kylo was redeemed as Ben. The scene with Han reminded me that above all, this is Han and Leia’s son. No matter how much of a villain I thought Kylo Ren was, I didn’t want Han and Leia both to die and for their son to die in disgrace without ever having made amends for the things he’d done. I couldn’t love Han and Leia the way I do without hoping for some semblance of peace for their family. And when he took off the Kylo Ren getup and dressed more like a regular guy, when he adopted some of Han’s personality, when he stormed into Palpatine’s lair on Exegol blaster blazing, and most of all when he wielded a Jedi’s lightsaber alongside Rey, I loved it. I really, truly loved it. And for someone who went into the movie theater expecting to hate that aspect of the story, I think that speaks volumes. They won me over. They made me like Ben Solo. I don’t really think it’s a great social message for the real world in 2019 to forgive him despite all he’s done. But if I divorce it from real-world implications and just treat it like Star Wars, I’m actually glad it happened the way it did. Leia deserved to have her death mean something. She gave the last of her strength to reach out to her son. Not to Kylo Ren, but to Ben Solo. She and the audience both deserved to see Ben Solo before the end. And for him to make the ultimate sacrifice for Rey was, to me, the best possible way he could go out. I found it to be a very compelling end. His death made me surprisingly sad, but it was a noble death.

Anyway, like I said above, I know the movie has a lot of issues. I haven’t even addressed a fraction of the things I could say about this movie–both good and bad. But ultimately I boil it down to how a movie makes me feel. This one left a strong emotional impact on me and I was happy to watch it a second time. I laughed, I cried, I reflected on why I’ve loved Star Wars for my entire life. So I have to say I liked it. Sorry for the giant answer haha :P

[wilhellmine]

Get to know me - Alphabet

DAY 5 - E

1) Edgar Allan Poe

My most fav writer! His works are just amazing! I love the atmosphere in his stories, the word-plays in his poems... He is a big inspiration for my own writing...

2) Elves

Yes, Im a grown up woman, but I believe in elves :) I also believe that they (and fairies) are living in my garden, why else would it be so green and full of flowers, when the other gardens in my area are devastated by heat? ...Well, I dont know, maybe its just my childish wish, but still, I believe in that :)

3) EXO

Yeah, another great band I like :) I love especially Sehun, his voice and his dancing ... especially when he is dancing half naked :D

4) EVPs

Not only that I get excited whenever GAC captures an EVP, it influenced me that much that I tried with my husband to capture some too! And we succeeded! In a forest not far away from my house we captured two voices, one, definitely human, whispering something inaudible and a second voice, responding to this first human voice. The second one was very dark and scary... Then the human voice was captured again, silently and with a sad tone, saying “How can I pay that money?” and then when we asked if we should leave, we captured, how Zak Bagans would say, a crystal clear “YES!”... I did a little bit research and found out that where we were, a man hung himself about 25 years ago, because he purchased some money from his work and he wasnt able to give it back, so thats why he asked how would he be able to pay them... :( I cried when I heard the voice for the first time. I just got hit by emotions, at that time I didnt know about the man hanging himself there, but as I heard it, I just got overwhelmed with sadness... We are planning to do more EVPs with my husband, but we want to wait until our baby girl grows up a little (in case we would “bring” something back home with us). Actually... I know the mans name, so I decides to go to the woods, call him by his name and tell him, that he can visit us and stay at my house, if he wants to, in case he would feel lonely out there. Gosh, I had a hard week after that! I felt something new and weird at my house, I heard noises at night, felt a presence of someone... and then things calmed down and now I think that he is living with us, maybe protecting us in return. Well... yep, its my weird habit, Im inviting lonely ghosts to my house, so they can have a place to stay and become friends with me :-)

5) Eerie

I love eerie things and feelings... Im a little eerie too XD It makes me comfortable... again...I feel like Zak :D collecting weird stuff, creating friendships with lonely ghosts and demons... yep, thats just me :D And I love myself being that way :D

6) Earth

Im a Taurus and Earth is my element. Im always just one step away from a breakdown, but I try to go on and just exist as earth does, stable, strong, Im letting things come and go, believing that nothing will destroy me. One of my friends (we dont talk anymore, well... as same as with the other “friends” I used to have) once asked me how I am dealing with a spell thats casted against me and I said “Im not. Im just letting those things come to me, flow through me and dissapear. Same as earth, Im swallowing it and then I bury it inside of me and Im holding it inside of me for so long, until its rotten and dead and just disintegrates...”

7) Enthusiasm

Im an enthusiast for many, many things and everything I do, Im trying to find some joy and happiness in it :-)

[notalwaysthevillian]

Brewing Love

Warnings: Food mention

Pairings: Remile; background Logicality & eventual Prinxiety

Word Count: 1.6k

Based on this post by @teacupfulofstarshine!

Read from the beginning!

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 3

One Friday afternoon, Remy was busying himself by reorganizing the pastry case.

Alphabetically.

He’d never been so bored.

As the chimes above the door jingled, he thanked his lucky stars. Sliding the pastry case shut, he turned around to greet the customer.

All the breath was knocked out of his lungs as he saw Emile.

Wearing a skirt.

The blue fabric looked as though it was made of air. It floated as Emile headed to the register, mug in hand.

Remy’s eyes darted to the bracelet so that he wouldn’t be caught staring.

“One hot chocolate?” He asked, not trusting himself to say anything else just yet.

Emile giggled and handed over the mug. “Yes please.”

Remy started on the drink, humming under his breath. He didn’t notice what he’d been humming until he heard Emile gasp.

“Is that Steven Universe?” She whispered, unable to keep the excitement out of her voice.

Blood rushed to Remy’s cheeks as he nodded. “Yeah. You’ve mentioned it a lot, so I figured I should check it out. It’s really good.”

“I’m so glad you like it!” She squealed. Her eyes absolutely lit up as she started to talk. “What episode are you on? I don’t want to spoil anything.”

Remy swirled the whipped cream before handing the drink over. “Episode five was the last one I watched.”

Emile nodded. “Okay, episode five...who’s your favorite character so far?”

“Definitely Amethyst. Her weapon is awesome, and she just doesn’t care what other people think.”

Emile sipped her drink. “Amethyst is amazing.”

“Who’s your favorite?”

She thought for a moment, blowing on her drink. “Hmm...I think Steven.”

Remy smiled. “You remind me of Steven.”

“Thank you!”

Remy propped his chin up on his hand, leaning on the counter. “Actually, you know who you remind me of?”

Emile tilted her head in a silent question.

“Katara.”

A squeal of happiness left Emile’s mouth. She flapped her hands, saying, “I bought this skirt because it reminded me of the water tribe!”

“It’s a beautiful skirt.” Remy turned on his charm. “For a beautiful person.”

Emile smiled, getting up from her seat. “Thank you. Have a nice day!”

“Wait!”

She turned back around.

Remy flushed. “Um, there’s-we’re-tonight is our first open mic night. If you aren’t doing anything...I was hoping you’d come?”

Emile nodded. “That sounds great! I’ll let my afternoon clients know too, I’m sure they’d love to participate!”

With a little wave, she discarded her mug and left. With nothing else to do, Remy went and got the mug, washed it, and returned it to its place.

He headed into the kitchen. Patton was rolling out some dough, with some difficulty with Logan’s arms wrapped around his waist. Logan nuzzled into Patton’s neck, causing the baker to lean into the embrace.

The domestic scene caused another twinge in Remy’s heart. Not wanting to interrupt, he headed back to the front counter, opting to clean it for the fifth time instead.

When his shift ended, he whipped off his apron and darted out of the shop. Tripping over Chai, he quickly fed her before hopping into the shower.

As he toweled off, Chai hopped onto his bed.

“Are you gonna help me pick out a bomb outfit for tonight?” He asked, scritching behind her ears. “It’s the first time I’ll see Emile when I’m not working. I’ve gotta look my best.”

Looking in his closet, Remy’s eyes landed on a simple black tank. Deciding that Emile would probably like him better dressed comfortably, he slipped it on. It was quickly paired with a simple pair of skinny jeans and black ankle boots.

By the time he was completely done, it was just about time to go. He made sure that Chai had her dinner before grabbing his sunglasses and heading out of the house.

He got there at the same time as Logan and Patton.

“You’re here early.” He unlocked the door, a smirk crossing his face. “I don’t suppose a certain someone is coming?”

“Oh, leave him alone.” Patton lightly smacked Logan’s shoulder. “We were the same way.”

“Don’t tell me I’m turning into a useless gay!” Remy cried out, earning a playful glare.

The three of them entered the shop, stopping their conversation to get ready for open mic night.

Patton brought out the final pastries just as it hit six o’clock. The theater troupe entered right on time, chatting easily with the owners.

“Roman!” Remy called out, getting the attention of the blonde.

He strolled over, an easy smile on his face. “I can’t believe you got Logan to let us sing here.”

“I heard that!”

“Love you roomie!” Roman called back. He dropped his voice to a whisper. “I heard you’ve got a special someone coming tonight.”

Remy flushed. “Who told you?”

“Patton.”

Burying his face into his hands, Remy mumbled, “I should never have told them.”

“I’m rooting for ya.” Roman patted him on the shoulder. “I can dedicate something to the two of you if you want.”

“No!” The look on Roman’s face made Remy wince. “I didn’t mean-I just don’t want to scare her off.”

“Can’t wait to meet her.”

Roman headed back to his troupe, leaving Remy waiting near the door.

His heart pounded as time passed and more people filled the cafe.

“Remy!”

He turned and got an armful of Emile. She smiled up at him, making sure to show that her charms hadn’t changed.

“I’m glad you came.”

“Me too!” Emile waved at a few kids in the troupe. “I’ve been to their last four performances, they’re really good!”

Her excitement was contagious. A huge smile flooded Remy’s face. “I saved us some seats.”

“Lead the way.”

Emile followed Remy, giggling when he sat her down in her usual seat at the counter. He held up a finger, disappearing behind the counter for a second.

Her face absolutely lit up when he handed her a hot chocolate made in her favorite mug.

“Remy, you didn’t have to-”

“I wanted to.” He promised, sliding into his seat as the performances started. “On the house.”

“Thank you.”

The two sat in a comfortable silence, watching the performances. The range of songs was all over the place, ranging from Lady Gaga to Johnny Cash.

Two hours later, Roman took the mic.

“First of all, can we get some applause for the gracious employees of this place?” Applause erupted from all corners of the room, putting smiles on their faces. Roman held up a hand and it went silent almost immediately. “Thank all of you for coming. If you want to support this place and have more nights like this, a few cast members will be walking around with tip jars. Donations are completely optional!”

Remy watched in shock as people pulled out fifty dollar bills and stuffed them into the jars.

“I’ll be our closing performer tonight.” Roman shot a wink at Remy. His blood ran cold. “This one goes out to all the lovers out there. If you’re up for it, feel free to dance with your partner.”

“Wise men say…”

Roman’s voice created an atmosphere of romance. Remy saw Logan shyly hold out a hand to Patton, pulling him into a gentle sway when he accepted.

A few other couples joined in before the first chorus.

Taking a deep breath and a leap of faith, Remy turned to Emile. “Would you like to dance?”

A gorgeous pink blush spread across Emile’s cheeks. “Um, actually...I can’t dance. The only thing I know about dancing comes from Steven Universe.”

“When the gems fuse?”

Emile nodded, still avoiding eye contact.

Remy pointed over to Logan and Patton. “It’s completely fine if you don’t want to, but all they’re doing is swaying. We could try that.”

“I’d rather just sit and talk.” She admitted, finally looking at Remy. “I like talking with you.”

“I like talking with you too. That’s why I asked you out.”

Emile froze like a deer in headlights. “Wait - did you mean for this to be a date?”

“Um, kinda?” This was going south fast. “If you don’t want it to be a date, it doesn’t have to be a date. It can just be us hanging out.”

“I’m so sorry.” Tears sprang to her eyes. “If I’d known it was a date - I - ”

Remy reached out, stopping just before he touched her. “Is this okay?”

Getting a nod, he pulled her into a hug. “I should’ve made it more clear. And I should’ve made sure that you were okay with it, that’s my fault.”

“I am.”

Remy blinked, pulling back. “What?”

“I am. Okay with it.” That pretty blush was back. “I just...I would’ve acted differently if I’d known.”

He was stunned and the only thing that left his mouth was, “How?”

“Well, for starters…” She grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers together. “I would’ve told you how handsome you are.”

Remy squeezed her hand, a smile on his face. “So you didn’t notice that I’ve been flirting with you since day one?”

“No.” She laughed, but her smile didn't reach her eyes. “There’s a lot of things that I don’t pick up on.”

“So, now that you know, if I was to ask you out to dinner tomorrow night?” Remy bit his lip.

The soft look on her face filled him with mixed emotions. “I would, but - I’m going to a movie with a friend. But I could ask if she’d mind if you came along! That way she could bring her girlfriend!”

“I don’t want to intrude.”

Emile stopped texting. “We could go out Saturday night then?”

Remy smiled, placing a kiss on her knuckles. “Sounds like a date.”

“A real date.” Emile hesitated for a second before pecking Remy on the cheek. “See you Saturday!”

Click here to add yourself to the tag list!

Brewing Love Tag List: @althea-weaver @angels-and-dreams @aroundofapplesauce @awkwardangie410 @bangthekobrakid @bionic-egypt @bubblycricket @coconut-cluster @creativity-killed-thekitten @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @incoherentfangirl @laterpaladudeswheee @levy-the-b00kw0rm @lightningbug04 @magicalspacepanunicorn @mc-illustration @midnighteclipse98 @mourning--star @nottodaylogic @onenightjoanly @potater420 @romanismyprince @shootingace @somehowsnakesblog @supersecretsanderssides @the-hungriest-games @theagenderghost

[spacenerrrd]

The Courtroom

Word Count: 1097 Warnings: Mention of Deceit (once, not a character), breakdown, being ignored, mentions of being left out, basically just a bunch of angst

Thank you @sidespromptblog for their post that prompted this idea

~~~

“Of course you suggested a salad Logan.”

“Not just a salad. Of course we need protein for a well rounded meal so we should have some baked chicken.”

Roman groaned. “YAWWNNN! We should just get Chinese takeout!”

“But Thomas should be eating consistently healthy as the fresh food will-”

“Borrringggg! We don’t do it very often, just let the poor man eat his favourite tonight!”

Logan turned to Patton for support, but was greeted with a weak smile.

“I really do miss their dumplings…”

“Exactly! Virgil, you agree with us don’t you?”

Logan turned to face the anxious side who just shrugged. “He has been nervous about his work recently… Maybe this might help him.”

“Right! So we’re gonna order a dish of dumplings, spring rolls, rice crackers-”

“With the amount you are going to order he will feel sluggish and guilty for eating so much unhealthy food.” Roman rolled his eyes. “No he won’t, it’s only this once he’ll be fine.” He turned around and walked into the kitchen to order.

Patton gave a soft smile to Logan. “Next time you can choose the meal we pick,” he patted his shoulder before following Roman.

“That’s what you said last time too,” Logan mumbled.

Virgil shuffled his feet a bit, not making eye contact with Logan. “Sorry, I-”

“It’s fine Virgil, I understand,” Logan interrupted Virgil apology.

Virgil gave an awkward nod before scattering into the kitchen with the others.

Logan watched them go off, laughing at something Roman said that he didn’t quite catch. He probably wouldn’t of understood the joke anyway. He never does.

Logan didn’t participate during family dinner time. He passed it off that he was feeling unwell, and before Patton could pull the puppy eye trick on him, he had sunk out of the room. But he wasn’t going to his room. Instead, he rose in the middle of the courtroom. He stood in front of where Roman sat as the judge, just a mere week ago. He turned his head slightly to look at the witness box, where he had been brought up as evidence for Deceit’s case.

Even though he was the most qualified to help them do it properly.

Even though they knew he liked to play pretend for the sake of knowledge after he opened up to them.

Logan closed his eyes, adjusted his tie and cleared his throat. When he reopened them, they burnt. They burnt with a sense of passion, fuelled with anger and a hidden sadness.

Then he let loose.

“Would you like to explain to me why they won’t listen to me?” His voice boomed, echoing in the empty room. “How no matter how many times I am proven right, they won’t take my advice? Why I’m always cast to the side?” He stepped forward, hands slamming against the front of the witness stand as what little control he had broke as he started to scream. “Why is it that no matter how many palm cards I make to assist me with understanding their language, that they just don’t love me? It’s so obvious that I try so hard! The evidence is there! I’ve opened up to them, I have followed their stupid ideas to please them, yet nothing is reciprocated! Why does this even affect me?! Why does this hurt!? I don’t want to… to feel this anymore.” His eyes were watering now, his yells starting to go raw. But his voice quieted down to a whisper, as any louder would make him crack “How do I make this go away?”

He stood there for at least ten minutes, allowing the shaking that was going through his arms calm down and stopping the speed at which his chest was rising and falling. Once he was able to take a deep breath without it being caught in the lump in his throat, he slowly started to move. His feet took him up the step and sat him in the seat behind the witness stand. He tucked the chair in and stared out. He looked out to where Virgil sat in the Jury, eyes gazing over to where Deceit and Patton played the lawyers.

Where he should of been.

Logan’s gaze went up beside him, where Roman ridiculed him and laughed at him for being hurt. For being lied at and for being left out. Again.

Finally, his eyes fell to the back of the room, to the seat that he was forced to. Out of the scenario, where everyone else got to participate but him. The only time he got involved was when he was used to correct and check information.

“That’s all I’m good for, that’s why,” He mumbled. “That’s all they keep me around for. Because I’m needed to correct information. They don’t want me. They need me, but they’re never going to love me.” Tears fell from his eyes, his voice wavering. “I… I l-love them… and it all hurts so much… I am done being used. I don’t just want to be their pawn. I am just so, so tired. These emotions are exhausting. I’m logic and yet I feel… this.”

Logan had to take a second, taking a deep breath because he was going to break but dear god did he have so much more.

“I don’t know how long I can keep going like this. Where every decision of mine is belittled and I’m constantly left out. Where I’m called apart of their family because they need me, when in reality th-they… I’m not… I just want… I want to be apart of the fa-family… and I can’t go much longer pretending I’m fine that I’m n-not…”

That was where Logan shattered.

He leant forward on his arms as he started to sob. It rippled through his body and shook him of everything he had. His saw throat cried out more as he choked on everything he had been holding in and all his suffering. He lost track of how long he had been sitting there, feeling disgusting at how he expressed his emotion. How it shattered every bit of him. Slowly, when someone the sobbing stopped and the tears had slowed down, Logan could no longer keep his eyes open. They inevitably closed from the weight of emotional turmoil and exhaustion, pulling him into a deep slumber. In his sleep, he would slowly pick up the pieces of his broken self. Then he would spend the morning stitching himself back together, piece by piece until his mask was perfect in place again.

Until he shattered yet again.

~~~

~~~

A/N: Well That Hurt.

And now, the tags (thank to the people who asked to be tagged, it was pretty nice uwu):

@emologan

@kastrefeila

@tacohippy56900

@ambersky0319

@smolgoblinsstuff

Fanders Logan Tag list:

@thats-so-crash

@Ffsas-side-account

@lo-brokeit

@yonnie-boy

@unknownsandersfan

@sanders-sides-shambles

@pandagirl0730

@bubblegum-borb

@the-feels-are-coming

@starry-eyed-haiku-dreamer

@logically-asexual

@hanramz-the-fander

@ahoardofsides

@callboxkat

@faacethefacts

@angered-turtle

@anachronistic-cat

@reba-andthesides

@AskolotlQuestions

@crankywhenprovoked

@katatles-the-fish

@ispeakhalflies

@dib-leo-pard

@sassy-in-glasses

@elvishfrenchassassin

@ocotopushugs

@goodonebadgirl

@kirsten-the-freak

@haikyuupaladin

@weird-short-person

@thisisshien

@lepardlover

@someshinningideas

@angeliclogan

@nightlovechild

@siriuswhiskers

@anastasialestina

@i-will-physically-fight-you

@ace-v-p-d

@radioactivebread

@theshipqueenarrives

@allthemetalsoftherainbow

@dudlebuggs

@cinquefoilelove

@rptheturk

@ono-its-ryane

@evilmuffin

@k9cat

@theresneverenoughfandoms

@raisin-oatmeal-cookie

@hamster-corn

@roman-is-a-dramatic-prince

@vulnerablevirgil

@confinesofpersonalknowledge

@candiukas

@thought-u-said-dragon-queen

@muontsy2

@katesattic

@toujours-fidele

@planetsanders

@anonymouseandkeyboard

@logan-exe

@jughead-is-canonically-aroace

@justmyshitandmoreshit

@blaikleethepanagender

@runyou-cleverboy-andremember

@heck-im-lost

@ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2

@beetlequail

@johnlockandrarry

@moltengoldenstardust

@analogical-mess

[ficclique]

In addition to our own personal top fics (which you can view here), we asked you all to send us your choices for your fics of the decade and why you loved them. We received so many wonderful submissions, and now want to share them with everybody! In an effort to not make this post too long we’ve edited down the comments that people left us, but everyone had some really lovely things to say, so if anything catches your eye here we really encourage you to take a look at the complete list of comments here.

Without further ado, please enjoy the top fics of the decade as chosen by you, our listeners: 

Submitted by: Cricket

Fic 1: pilgrimage by wolfsupremacist

Info: EXO RPF, Baekhyun/Sehun

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18411497/chapters/43607615

Cricket’s comment: I can't get over all the building in this fic -- the world building, the character building, the relationship building. The main character’s development was like watching a child grow: it's hard to see it happening, but once you reflect on who he became versus who he was, it's so obvious how he changed.

Fic 2: the eye of providence by minhyukwithagun

Info: NCT RPF, Jaehyun/Taeyong

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14981330

Cricket’s comment: I have genuinely never laughed so hard while reading a fic.There were so many little details that the author added that were unnecessary to the overall plot but just made the characters so much more real. You get to learn so much about everyone in such a (relatively) short amount of time.

Fic 3: so collect your scars and wear them well by addandsubtract

Info: Hockey RPF, Connor McDavid/Dylan Strome

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5075128

Cricket’s comment: I feel like this fic changed me as a writer. It touches on such a relatable subject: that feeling of being completely unsure of what you should do with your life when Plan A doesn't work out, and discovering who you are without the thing that you previously thought defined you.

━

Submitted by: Claire

Fic 1: The Baffled King and The Idiot Hero by Ellarose C

Info: Hetalia, ?

Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5819880/1/

Claire’s comment: This fic launched 3 of my high school friendships that continue to this day. It's cute and Hallmark levels of unrealistic, and I LOVE it. The overwhelming nostalgia and gratefulness I feel towards this fic (and all of Carrie's work, honestly) still blows me away.

Fic 2: Embers by Vathara

Info: Avatar: The Last Airbender, gen

Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/5398503/1/

Claire’s comment: The best, wildest, most comprehensively worldbuilt ATLA fic I have ever read. Tea, dragons, realistic motivations, that ending... perfect. *chef kiss*

Fic 3: Of A Linear Circle (series) by flamethrower

Info: HP, various

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/755028

Claire’s comment: I linked the whole series because I simply cannot pick a favorite installment. OaLC focuses on fixing the glaring plot holes in the Wizarding education system, accurately depicting the Founders' Era thanks to copious research, and showing that no one is truly irredeemable (except Voldemort himself, who more than earns it).

━

Submitted by: Threepwillow

Fic 1: All the Other Ghosts by rainjoys

Info: Glee, Kurt/Blaine

Link: https://rainjoyswriting.livejournal.com/146587.html

Threepwillow’s comment: All The Other Ghosts and its direct sequel, Grey, are some of the most incredibly original and simultaneously incredibly transformative works of fanfiction I have ever read. The way they masterfully twist elements of canon to fit into the lore of their AU is second only to the profound, revelatory character studies that they've executed. This shit is extraordinary.

━

Submitted by: Segs

Fic 1: Hemostuck (series) by roachpatrol and urbanAnchorite

Info: Homestuck, various

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/8470

Seg’s comment: THE WORLDBUILDING. THE ARTWORK. THE NARRATIVE VOICE(S). THE INCREDIBLE GRASP ON CHARACTERIZATION. DID I MENTION THE WORLDBUILDING.

Fic 2: transistor by fishcola

Info: Polygon RPF, Brian/Pat

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18760093/chapters/44503969

Seg’s comment: Rips my heart to shreds piece-by-piece and then gently puts it back together in the end. It's another put-these-characters-in-a-darker-setting sort of thing. It is brilliant and beautiful and I love it dearly.

Fic 3: any sign of spring by bluecarrot

Info: Hamilton, Hamilton/Burr

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7523227/chapters/17100376

Seg’s comment: This fic is so dang atmospheric. It feels very physical -- the temperature, the environment, the drawing. It's bittersweet, but ends on the sweet, and I think the sweetness is all the more emphasized for it. Rereading it feels like coming back to a familiar place.

━

Submitted by: Ang

Fic 1: Anarchy In The U.K. by Yahtzee

Info: X-Men First Class, Erik/Charles

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673552/chapters/1232410

Ang’s comment: the writing of this one made it so easy to get completely lost in the au while still knowing the characters so well from the source material! super engaging, totally consumed my life for a week

Fic 2: blackjacks running down by back by dangerbears

Info: 1D, Harry/Louis

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/499474

Ang’s comment: this is like my comfort blanket fic! every time i reread it (even though i'm not in that fandom anymore), it's still just as funny and cute as it was the very first time i read it - again the au is so easily believable because the characterizations are so familiar.

Fic 3: this city bleeds its aching heart by renne

Info: MCU, Steve/Bucky

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/835829

Ang’s comment: unsurprisingly, it's another au that is so easy to fall into! this is another one that i've been consistently rereading since i first read it (in 2015, for this one) because it's my absolute favorite trope with a ship that i'm still very much into!

━

Submitted by: Scout

Fic 1: she called it a void by vans88

Info: Star Wars, Finn/Poe/Rey

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5493500

Scout’s comment: Short and powerful and essential to anyone's viewing of the new Star Wars trilogy. Seriously one of the most careful, tender, and graceful queer addendums to a piece of pop culture this decade.

Fic 2: The Love Song of The North American Douchebag by gyzym

Info: Star Trek RPF, Chris/Zach

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/852395

Scout’s comment: JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I HOPE I CAN SWEAR. I'm not even in this fandom. The world building is just THAT good. It's one of my highlights *because* of its power to draw me in as a standalone. So much fucking talent in the transformative work community. The banter, characterization, sardonic-ness of this – international impact baby!

Fic 3: all this learning here is by you by decinq, nighimpossible

Info: Hockey RPF, Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5105441

Scout’s comment: Revolutionized – and I would argue – drove the GROWTH AND SURVIVAL of hockey fandom. One of the best known works in the fandom, and a masterclass in how to build a set of characters that you're genuinely envious you don't get to see or know. Two incredible authors and a plethora of personality. Fun and sexy and lighthearted but poignant. Chef kiss.

━

Submitted by: Em

Fic 1: the subtle science and exact art of chess-boxing, by fishcola

Info: Polygon RPF, Brian/Pat

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18931885/chapters/44945971

Em’s comment: fishcola is definitely one of the top reasons i actually started reading/writing polygon rpf. this fic!!!!! i sWEAR its so /so/ good oh my GOSH. yes, full disclosure im fish's beta for chessboxing but also i am enthusiastic simply because it is a very beautiful and powerful narrative on trauma, healing, and how the people we choose to interact with affect our emotions.

Fic 2: the old men call me by my mother’s name by theviolonist

Info: HP, Hermione/Ron

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1044467

Em’s comment: as a certified Trans(TM) im always pursuing and consuming trans content. the old men call me by my mother's name is an hp fic that i still cherish years after first reading it. trans!ron is a concept not often explored in hp fic, much less trans /girl/ ron. massive gender feels, folks.

Fic 3: national hot dad alliance is now calling… by dicaeopolis, owlinaminor

Info: Haikyuu! , various

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5663683/chapters/13045579

Em’s comment: national hot dad alliance really is the perfect evolution of a groupchat fic. i laughed, i cried, i fell in love with the characters all over again as these captains from different teams bond over graduating. and also being Dads(TM). in some cases-- pining over their fellow volleyball players-- plus star wars, the x-files, and memes. overall its is very good and i will stan it eternally

━

Submitted by: Staci

Fic 1: No Homo, by orphan account

Info: Teen Wolf, Stiles/Derek

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148039/chapters/2326073

Staci’s comment: Literally my favorite AU ever written. The characterization is SO on point and it truly is a super fun read. It’s also a super long which helps with painting such a detailed picture of these two dummies who are-totally-just-bros-with-added-benefits. I’d recommend this to anyone, even if they’re unaware of Teen Wolf, but if you’re a Teen Wolf fan then it’s even better.

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Submitted by: Nadine

Fic 1: Too Long, Too Close (series) by callmejude

Info: MCU RPF, Chris/Sebastian

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/253528

Nadine’s comment: kink exploration and bdsm done well.... and so thoroughly. but there's more! theres FEELINGSSSSSS uhhhhhhh it made me CRY it's so good.

Fic 2: On a Clear Day by Saras_Girl

Info: HP, Harry/Draco

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/879841

Nadine’s comment: I could've put a few other fics by this author because they write the best drarry but uhhhhh. I had to choose and it was either gonna be TURN or this one. Idk why but this one makes me so unbelievably emotional bc it was Harry who's Going Through Stuff and I just loved it a lot.

Fic 3: around the world in eighty thousand days, by fallfreely

Info: 1D, Liam/Harry

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/856935

Nadine’s comment: It was hard to pick a 1D fave but I think that this fic always had a v special place in my heart & I can't even explain why. I love the dynamic of this pairing (even though it's not even my OTP, wtf. I'm a Gryles and Narry truther... *eye emoji*) and the whole FEEL of this fic and it's slow burn tour fic, soo.

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Submitted by: Frecklebomb

Fic 1: Shalbatana

Info: Mars Trilogy, Gen

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6629

Frecklebomb’s comment: A beautifully-written gen fic (with an incredibly gorgeous podfic by Luzula) in the near-future-scifi Mars Trilogy fandom but very easy to enjoy without canon knowledge. I revisit this story over and over and always marvel at the presence of the landscape and alien planet in it, the way it feels like a character. Bonus Mars rover feelings (I cry every time about the robot).

Fic 2: Through a Glass Darkly, by susiecarter

Info: DCU, Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19395793/chapters/46155535

Frecklebomb’s comment: Sprawling post-apocalyptic epic, so rich and cinematic that it feels like a movie I somehow read. The worldbuilding and tension of the focal ship are what sucked me into this fic, but what stayed with me was the richness of the ensemble characters. I find myself just thinking about their character arcs, and imagining what they'd be doing post-story. I want fic of this fic.

Fic 3: Too Far Down The Road, by SoniaVice

Info: Hockey, OMC/OMC

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13208136/chapters/30212907

Frecklebomb’s comment: An amnesia trope origfic set in handwavey hockey fandom (author said they 'set it free' to be OMC/OMC when the dynamic needed to be different from the RPF ship it started out as). It gives me so many good feelings about family (of choice and otherwise) and ageing and self-acceptance and sexuality, and the way you can choose to be changed by the people you spend your life with.

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Submitted by: Em (Springsteen)

Fic 1: Pull Me Under, by zarah5

Info: 1D, Harry/Louis

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/870766

Em’s comment: first of all zarah5 is a fandom legend. second, this is like the pinnacle of fake relationship fics to me it's 140k and so much of it is pining and like truly, who among us doesn't love harry styles with their whole heart. I can't think about the '10s without thinking about one direction and when this fic came out I remember a lot of people fully losing their minds.

Fic 2: Door to Door, by Ferritin4

Info: Hockey RPF, Jamie Benn/Tyler Seguin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3478298

Em’s comment: this is one of the first hockey fics I ever read and I still come back to it so often. The relationship builds so well, Tyler's dogs are in it, it's just so sweet, and plus it's a very readable 10k.

Fic 3: Darling It Is No Joke, by thehoyden

Info: Teen Wolf, Stiles/Derek

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/399194

Em’s comment: look I can't be retrospective about this decade and /not/ include a sterek fic. the first half of this decade for me was all 1d and teen wolf and full disclosure, it's been a while since I've reread this fic, but I remember the banter being really stellar and thehoyden is another one of those authors who I just. Adore.

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Submitted by: Dan

Fic 1: The Heart Rate of a Mouse (series) by Anna (arctic_grey)

Info: Bandom, Ryan Ross/Brendan Urie

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/712953

Dan’s comment: This fic is incredibly iconic. It’s definitely one of my favorites of all time—the way the story is told is just heart wrenching, and it manages to always keep you on edge about what’s going to happen. The portrayal of self discovery, love, jealousy, down to the settings and all the social issues of the time period (the 70s), is amazingly done.

Fic 2: The Cat’s Miaow by Pennyplainknits

Info: Bandom, Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/930529

Dan’s comment: This fic is unlike anything else I’ve read. First off, I LOVE historical AUs, and the noir setting is everything I could have wanted and more. The author has managed to create such a delicate and profound romance along with an interesting plot that borders on thriller without ever going too far with either side of the story.

Fic 3: Get Real Get Right (Fuckin Right) by sophiahelix

Info: Riveyonce Cuoknowles, Sufjan Stevens/Drake

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9029020

Dan’s comment: Honestly? This is just art.

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Submitted by: Carina

Fic 1: Bite Marks by provocative_envy

Info: HP, Hermione/Draco

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3580953/chapters/7894464

Carina’s comment: i've shied away from aus in harry potter fic for years, especially american college aus but this fic in my opinion kept the best of the characters and modernized them in a way that felt true to who they are.

Fic 2: old jokes from a wild youth, by knightspur

Info: SEVENTEEN RPF, Mingyu/Minghao

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18127073

Carina’s comment: mingyu and minghao are in love, but they're not soulmates. i love the dynamics and the quiet intimacy between them, and also how they work through wanting to be together despite them not having a bond in the way soulmates have.

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Submitted by: Katy

Fic 1: The River and The Deep Green Bend by liquidmeasure

Info: 1D, Harry/Niall

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6005275

Katy’s comment: this fic honestly surpasses the genre of fic. it is a genre all its own. it is the pinnacle in catharsis and heartbreak and having a satisfying end that is completely unsatisfying as well. I will never recover from this fic.

Fic 2: Out of the Dead Land by Orphan Account

Info: MCU, Steve/Bucky

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871955

Katy’s comment: there is a specific phrase in this fic that has and will continue to stay with me. I will never hear the phrase "up or down" without feeling immense heartbreak. an amazing blend of source material to create something altogether its own - but could still take place in either canon

Fic 3: Up We Go by Oh_Hey_Tae

Info: BTS, Taehyung/Jimin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12297168

Katy’s comment: this fic is one that I found more recently, but I can already tell that it is one that is going to stick with me for a long long time. it is another fic that I feel transcends the genre of fic entirely

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Submitted by: Corie

Fic 1: Build A Temple In Me by Authoress

Info: Haikyuu!, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3716002

Corie’s comment: A wonderful and moving fanfic with fantasy akin to studio ghibli. If I have to recommend Haikyuu fanfiction this is it.

Fic 2: Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl

Info: Haikyuu!, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3898771/chapters/8721568

Corie’s comment: Another haikyuu!! Fic! I remember reccing this to my friend and she said it was more akin to a novel then any fanfiction she has read. High praise IMO

Fic 3: Fake Sugar by minverse

Info: BTS, Jungkook/Seokjin

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707098/chapters/33987549

Corie’s comment: Oh sweet god I love minverse’s writing and this fic has it all. Romance, smut, and a nice dollop of humor.

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Submitted by: Abby

Fic 1: an awful curse by blinkiesays

Info: Teen Wolf, Stiles/Derek

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/604092

Abby’s comment: Non-linear timeline, au within the story, "every me loves every you," domesticity but also heavy angst, and it's so beautifully written it makes me want to cry reading it. also it harkens back to the time of when the show was still good.

Fic 2: dance this silence down (the emergency room remix) by Fahye

Info: Les Miserables, Enjorlas/Grantaire

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/994140/chapters/1966093

Abby’s comment: It's such a great, understandable ensemble fic for a dense canon, with such a great modern day au setting, but the whole time it really deals with the main character's depression and alcoholism and the complete overwhelming love that he has for the guy he's shipped with. it's so gritty and real but the ending brings so much hope I love it.

Fic 3: comment fic by anon

Info: iCarly, Sam/Spencer

Link: https://author-abz.livejournal.com/35003.html

Abby’s comment: this is an ANONYMOUS comment fic someone wrote me when I was feeling down on LJ and it's so short but so complete, and it says everything it needs to about it being okay to mess up and just be messed up together. also: "glitter emergency" (technically a cheat, it's from 2008; I forgot it was so old)

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Submitted by: Kassie

Fic 1: An Exercise in ‘Worthless’ by beastofthesky

Info: Supernatural, Dean/Castiel

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/535676

Kassie’s comment: an exercise in worthless introduced me (indirectly) to my favorite musician and (directly) to the subject i almost minored in during undergrad, so honestly i would put it as a fic of the decade even if it wasn’t one of the best fics i read in the supernatural fandom.

Fic 2: Superstition (series) by Superstition_hockey

Info: Hockey, OMC/OMC

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/413233

Kassie’s comment: superstition started out as a tropey, fun, lighthearted short fic, and grew into a big thing that deals with a lot of serious topics incredibly well while also being still very funny and emotional and having honestly some of my favorite fictional characters i’ve read in years

Fic 3: United States v. Barnes

Info: MCU, Steve/Bucky

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2304905/chapters/5071058

Kassie’s comment: united states v barnes is the multimedia fic of my DREAMS. this is what i want to show people to explain why i love fanfic so much. it does so much with the medium its working in and the presentation of the fic, and fits that perfect fanfic niche of exploring the kind of background that will never appear in canon but that everyone wonders about.

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Submitted by: Kat

Fic 1: I’ve felt and I’ve Been by autotunedd

Info: Big Bang RPF, Seunghyun/Jiyong

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15349758/chapters/35616516

Kat’s comment: Possibly the fic that marked my entire decade. The characters are so human and real, the plot is heavy and winding and the twists sometimes seem life ending. It is heavy, it is painful, it is sad, it is angsty, it is maybe even a smidge too real and dangerous at times, but it makes a solid read, a long, relatable novel about real people with real fears and problems.

Fic 2: Eversion by thespectaclesofthor

Info: Detroit: Become Human, Hank Anderson/Connor

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15754140/chapters/36638253

Kat’s comment: Beautiful, long, detailed, well written, hard hitting, serious, sweet, painful, kinky, all in one! The characters have so much depth, their issues and inner workings seem so real and the plot is so carefully crafted and detailed, every chapter keeps you at the edge of your seat. All in all, beautifully crafted, passionate, hard hitting piece that I couldn't help falling in love with.

Fic 3: Eggshell Landscapes and the Burden of Love by NoContractTermination

Info: NCT RPF, Taeil/Johnny

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10446438

Kat’s comment: Short, sweet, angsty and charming! I loved the intimate look into their relationship this fic brings, the trials and tribulations and the struggle to communicate. It all seemed so raw and real and coupled with the author's beautiful writing, it all came together in a perfect read, with bounds of re-read potential.

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Submitted by: Wen

Fic 1: the bellwether by highoctane

Info: Polygon RPF, Brian/Pat

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18634426

Wen’s comment: Feelings!!! It's really refreshing to read a character who, as an established adult, is reconfiguring an understanding of himself without it being either a whole crisis or a sudden seamless lightbulb moment. It's very fair to both characters' emotions, letting them both react in a way that feels wonderfully human and real rather than idealistic.

Fic 2: Five Times the Potion Seller Refused to Sell a Potion (and One Time He Didn’t) by misura

Info: Potion Seller (Justin Kuritzkes Short Film), Knight/Potion Seller

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5441447

Wen’s comment: It's based on a 3 minute meme video and if it was just a tweet or post with the title alone it would be a great joke but... someone went and wrote the dang thing! And it could have been ridiculous crackfic, and while it certainly toes that line it's also got a really fun flow of dialogue that leaves a lot to the imagination without it getting confusing.

Fic 3: I Am The Horrible Goose That Lives In The Town by Daniel Lavery

Info: The Untitled Goose Game, gen

Link: https://www.shatnerchatner.com/p/i-am-the-horrible-goose-that-lives

Wen’s comment: the writing is tremendous and sits beautifully in that razor's edge space where english is used just strangely enough to create a fantastic character voice without going too far and falling into some kind of awkward english language uncanny valley. it's so hard to pick out the best line because every line is the best line. "Here I am coming, with the good news of me, and you hate it. You can think only of the bell and how much I have it, and you are never the goose."

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Submitted by: Mage

Fic 1: Fog, Sheets and Thunder by theopteryx

Info: My Chemical Romance RPF, Frank/Gerard

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/351396

Mage’s comment: i have literally thought about this fic at least once a week since i read it in 2012. do not ask me why. i have no answers.

Fic 2: Flowers in Bones by fringecity (indiachick)

Info: BTS, Taehyung/Yoongi

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16256390

Mage’s comment: sometimes i just wanna be a careful selection of small animal bones that yoongi gently unearths and meticulously crafts into an altar of pressed flowers and ink

Fic 3: It Happened Quiet by hobimo

Info: BTS, Taehyung/Yoongi

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15070646/chapters/34939646

Mage’s comment: haunted woods :) cryptids :) that deeply unsettling feeling that there are greater, mysterious forces at work and there's nothing you can do about it :)

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Submitted by: BirdieLeonie

Fic 1: Reprise (series) by Elfpen

Info: Star Wars, various (Obi-Wan centric)

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/series/454408

BirdieLeonie’s comment: I spent about seven months of my life reading nothing but Star Wars time-travel fix-it fics. (I am not exaggerating; there are enough of them to last that long or longer.) This is my favorite.

Fic 2: Friday Night Arrives Without a Suitcase by marycontraire

Info: Hockey RPF, Danny Briere/Claude Giroux

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534247

BirdieLeonie’s comment: This is a fic I have kept coming back to again and again in the years since I first read it. It's domestic and sweet and still adult. It's like curtainfic, inverted; the leads live together and parent their kids and go grocery shopping before they have a romantic or sexual relationship.

Fic 3: The Hero’s Journey; or: What Jasper Sitwell Did Last Summer (podfic), by artzbots, blackglass, daroos, girlwithabubblegun, kalakirya, Opalsong, reena_jenkins, RsCreighton, sabinelagrande

Info: MCU & Welcome to Night Vale, Jemma Simmons/Jasper Sitwell

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6462223

BirdieLeonie’s comment: I love podfic, I love crossovers, and I love this fic. Again, I picked this because of all the thousands of MCU fics I've read, this is the one I find myself coming back to repeatedly. This crossover is creative, fun, and plays with one of my favorite tropes: what was happening to a minor character in the background of the story we saw?

[let-it-raines]

I was reading this "ex prompt list" and while I want you to write all of them, I really liked this one: "You talk about me in your new song and I get mad over it, so I’m standing outside your apartment door to argue, only to see you open the door half naked." Thank you, darling! You're a gift!

She’s on her way home from work when she hears it. Listening to the radio isn’t something she does, not anymore, but her car can’t connect to her phone’s Bluetooth and she forgot the aux cord, so it was either the radio or silence.

She probably should have stayed in silence.

Because for the first time in three months, for the first time since she was in Target and heard one of his songs over the speakers, she hears his voice.

And she hates it.

But she apparently hates herself a little bit more because she doesn’t change the station or turn the radio off. She doesn’t recognize the opening chords to this song. She recognizes the chords to every song. She knows all of the lyrics, all of the rifts and pauses. She knows everything.

But she doesn’t know this one.

It’s quiet, sullen, the usually prominent instruments muted in the background so that his voice comes through as clearly as possible. It takes her thirty seconds and two references of a swan flying away – really subtle there, Jones – for her to realize that the song is about her. She has to pull over to the side of the road, making several different cars blare their horns at her, but she can’t…she can’t listen to this while driving. She can’t hear him sing a song that’s clearly about their break up. She has to listen, but she can’t do anything else.

She can barely breathe.

He sounds broken. But she knows that’s on purpose. He records those songs a million times over, until he gets them exactly how he wants them to be, so she knows that he’s manufactured it this way. She’s watched him record enough songs to know how things work.

How dare he do this.

How dare he put their private life out there for anyone with ears to hear.

Hot tears sting behind her eyes, and she has to bury her face in her hands while her throat constricts, emotion lodging itself there and making her feel as if she has to vomit. Or as if she can’t breathe. She doesn’t know. She doesn’t know anything.

All she knows is that she misses him. She misses Killian.

But right now she hates him for making her relive their breakup, for making her relive the agony that was the weeks and months of separation that inevitably led them to walking away from each other.

Or maybe it was her.

She’s not sure. If anything, it’s all a blur of tears and alcohol, sobs wracking her body while she was unable to feel anything but pain. She’d waited so long to find someone who understood her, who wanted to be with her with no reservations, who wouldn’t leave. But then he had left. It had been for work. She knows this. She understands this. Despite everything, she wants nothing more than for him to be happy and to follow his dreams. She just wishes it didn’t come at the expense of them.

She just wishes she’d been strong enough to handle the months of separation and the way that their schedules never matched up, the way that they were constantly missing each other when they tried to call.

The song ends and immediately something happy, upbeat plays through her speakers. She’s having some kind of meltdown on the side of the road, and the world keeps going by. Cars continue to drive by, shaking her bug with their momentum, and the song that’s about one of the worst periods of her life is quickly forgotten and replaced by something about…dancing in a club. It’s literally just about dancing.

She lets out a watery chuckle, the emotion that was lodged in her throat clearing the slightest bit so that she can breathe. Was she not breathing? She might not have been breathing.

Now that she can breathe again, she inhales, sucking her chest in before letting out a gush of air in an attempt to calm herself. In her review mirror she can see that her face is red and splotchy, that her eyes are still watery, and she has to wipe away the snot that’s formed at her nose.

It’s as she’s rubbing her eyes, trying to clear her vision, that all of the sadness starts to twist, transforming into something else entirely. She’s pissed. Absolutely pissed. And she can’t help but think of her earlier thoughts when the song first started playing.

How dare he do this to her.

How dare he write that song and put it on the radio.

Before she knows it, she’s putting her car in drive, looking over her shoulder to make sure the road is clear, before she’s pulling off of the dirt and onto the pavement, speeding down the road in the direction of Killian’s apartment instead of toward hers, driving in the direction of the place where she lived for so long. She knows he’s home, that he’s in town. And she only knows this because David still talks to him, still talks about him, and she overheard David talking to Mary Margaret about Killian being home for the next few weeks and how they’re going to go out for a pint to catch up.

She knows the path to his apartment better than she knows the path to her own, a right here followed by another until it’s a straight shot to the parking garage underneath his building. She still has her sticker, the one that lets her inside. She never could get the damn thing off.

But now it’s useful as she pulls into an empty guest space, hastily getting out of the car and slamming the door shut as she makes her way over to the elevator, hoping that the code hasn’t changed and she can still get inside. It’s only two minutes before she’s standing in front of his door, the momentum and adrenaline propelling her hand forward until she’s banging on the wood so roughly that her hand might actually hurt.

She hurts.

Every bit of anger, of malice, of disappointment that she has is on the tip of her tongue, posed to be spit at him as soon as she sees him, but then the door is swung open and she sees him for the first time in…shit. It’s been five months. It’s been three months since she heard his voice in Target, but it’s been five months since she’s seen him.

And he’s now standing in front of her with his hair damply falling across his forehead, water trailing down the hair of his chest, and the words of his tattoo peeking up over the white towel he has slung across his hip.

Fuck.

She doesn’t have any other words, especially as his fists clench and the muscles in his arms strain while his jaw ticks. He’d look surprised when she first showed up, his lips parting before closing, almost as if he had something he wanted to say. But now he looks angry, a storm raging behind his eyes, and all she can think about is the time that they went to Bermuda for their anniversary and spent the entire week either in bathing suits, a towel, or nothing at all.

“What are you doing here, Swan?”

There’s no anger in his voice though. It’s calm, even, and it’s that fact that gets her back on track. He sounded broken in the song. He’s obviously not broken like she is.

“How dare you write that song,” she spits, trying to keep her voice just as steady, knowing that she’s failing. “You just put our life, my life, out there for everyone to hear.”

“No one knows it’s about you.”

“I do! I know! Our friends know! Everybody goddamn knows! I’m driving down the road on my way home from work, trying to live my life, trying to move on, and I just have everything that I’m trying to forget thrown back in my face like that.”

“Love – ”

“Don’t call me that,” she cries, hating how her voice cracks. She shouldn’t have done this. She shouldn’t have come. She should have never let her emotions drive her, but that’s always what’s she’s done. She’s never been one to be able to hold back when she really feels. “I am not your love. You’ve made that very clear.”“Swan,” he grits, crossing his arms over his heaving chest, “if you want to yell at me, come inside. I have neighbors, and I don’t think we want them witnessing this.”

She huffs, disbelief that he’s actually inviting her inside so that she can continue this emotional breakdown, but her feet still carry her inside, her eyes glancing over the apartment the moment she gets inside. It all looks exactly the same.

She hates that it all looks the same.

Something should have changed.

All of her stuff is gone.

She’s gone.

Something should have changed.

She turns around to look back at Killian, who’s locking the door behind him before running his hands through his damp hair, pushing it back on his forehead, before he’s rubbing his fingers over his scruff. She hates how good he looks almost as much as she hates that that’s what she’s focusing on.

“Why are you here?” he sighs, the indignation he had replaced with acceptance. “The song? You’re mad about the song?”

“Of course I’m mad about the song. How could I not be? Have you heard it?”

“I wrote it. And in case you’ve forgotten, I have dozens of other songs about you, nearly every one of them on a record somewhere. You never seemed pissed about those then.”

“We weren’t broken up then.”“Well whose bloody fault is that? Because it’s not mine. I didn’t want to break up.”

“You think I wanted to break up?” she screams, not caring about staying calm while her entire body heats, her skin feeling overly warm and her head throbbing while her heart pounds. “You think I wanted to be having breakdowns on the side of the road because I can’t handle reliving parts of our relationship. You think I wanted to be the girl who sat at home and cried every time you didn’t pick up the phone? Every time you had to go one minute into our conversation? Every time I went out with my friends and heard your voice on the speakers at a bar when I hadn’t actually heard your voice in days? You think I wanted that?”

She can’t…she can’t breathe again, her heart beating far too quickly in her chest. This isn’t healthy. This isn’t good. She needs…she needs to sit down. So she does, collapsing to the ground and resting her back against his hallway wall while she wraps her arms around her knees and lets herself have another breakdown.

Who the hell needs dignity?

“Emma,” Killian sighs, and that only makes things worse. He never calls her Emma, not unless something is important, and she hates herself for this entire situation. She hates that he is able to still have this power over her, that she still loves him so much that she can’t fathom the fact that she’s not with him.

“Emma,” he repeats, kneeling down next to her, his towel opening as he squats, which really doesn’t help the situation at all. “Are you okay?”

“Do you think I’m okay?”

“No.” His thumb reaches up and wipes away the tears on her cheek. That’s the first time she’s felt his touch in five months too. And it’s also what makes her look up to see that he’s got a tear falling onto his cheek too. “I’m sorry, lo – Swan. I’m sorry that you heard the song and that it hurt you.”

“Why’d you write it then? You had to know that I’d hear it eventually.”

“Because I hurt too. Music is how I deal with things. You know this. You’ve always known this. And how the hell else am I supposed to deal with my heartbreak?”

“By writing the damn song and then not putting it on the radio.”

“I had to fulfill my contract. I had to release a new single.”

“Don’t you have another one? One that’s not about us?”

“No.”

She sighs, leaning her head back against the wall and tightly closing her eyes all while she physically aches. She aches for them to be back to normal, aches for this to not be happening anymore. She should have never come here.

“How long are you home?”

“What?” he stutters, his voice visibly shaken.

She opens her eyes and looks back at him, attempting to even her breaths. “How long are you home this time? How long until you have to leave again?”

“A few weeks. I’ve got to go back and meet with the guys for a couple of days at the end of September.”

She doesn’t know why she does what she does next, but before she can stop herself, before she can think straight, she leans forward and slides her lips over his in a harsh, demanding kiss. Her hands are in his hair in an instant, using the soft strands to tug him closer, and his hands find her face, the warmth and roughness of the pads of his fingers holding her to him as well. It’s like being connected, like being right, after so many months of not feeling like herself, of feeling like something in her life is off kilter.

Like something is wrong.

She doesn’t care that they shouldn’t be doing this. She doesn’t care that she shouldn’t be pushing Killian against the floor, the hardwood uncomfortable under her knees, and she doesn’t care that she’s losing her mind over the way that Killian’s groaning into her mouth and thrusting his hips up against hers, the towel doing nothing to hide his arousal.

And she really doesn’t care when they stumble away from the entrance of his apartment and fall back into his bedroom, quickly and surely moving against each other in the way that they always have. He feels good, fantastic, and she knows she should never be thinking about she and Killian together when they’re very obviously having a relapse, a collapse back into the them they used to be.

So she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t let herself not enjoy this, but she can’t speak, she can’t return Killian’s words of ecstasy and affection while he moves inside of her and above her. She simply falls into how good, how right, this feels, and figures that she’ll…she’ll figure it all out later.

It turns out when later comes that she’s still not ready to figure it out. She still doesn’t know what to do. Instead of getting up and leaving when they were finished, she didn’t. She stayed. She’s not sure that she had the strength to leave, that she even wanted to, so now she’s wrapped up in one of Killian’s sweaters while her legs are stuck in between his and his hands are trailing through her hair. She feels his heartbeat under her palm, the slow rise and fall of his chest a rhythm that she knows better than any other.

A rhythm that she knows better than any song he’s ever written.

“Sex doesn’t solve our problems, Swan. You know that, right?”

“I know,” she confesses, snuggling closer to him despite everything. “I don’t…we shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t even still be here. I’m not sure what came over me, over us.”“A hell of a lot of emotions.” She feels his lips against her forehead, the sweat that’s gathered there being pushed away. “We’ve got…there’s a lot left between us, love. There was never anything wrong between us, I don’t think. I just wasn’t there.”

“That’s kind of what went wrong. You can’t be in a relationship without being there.”

“But it’s not us. It was the distance, my job.”

“Which is your dream.”

“Aye, it was my dream,” he confirms softly, running his fingers through her hair and down her back. “It is my dream. But I should have never let it come between us. You’ve been my life for half a decade. You have been there for absolutely everything, and I should have tried harder, should have done more.”

“I don’t think there was anything either of us could have done.”

“I could have made more time to call. I could have scheduled breaks between cities. I could have booked a flight for me, for you. I could have done so much to save us, to make you feel less alone.”

“Killian, this isn’t all on you.”

“No, no, it’s not, but I’ve had five months of living alone, even when I wasn’t here, to think about all of the things I could have changed.”

“Me too,” she sighs, lifting her head from his chest and untangling her legs before she moves to the other side of the bed, putting distance between them all the while Killian rubs his hand up and down his face trying to work out the stress lines. “I don’t…I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t either. Do you even want to try again? Or are we chalking this up to a one-time thing? To a fallback?”

For the first time since she’s shown up here, he sounds as broken as he did during the song. He sounds like she feels, like there’s something missing, something just out of reach. He sounds…he doesn’t sound like Killian. Not the one that she knew. Not the one who woke her up in the mornings with a smile on his face and laughter in his eyes. Not the one who sang while he cooked, often burning the food because he would start writing down the beginnings of a song.

He doesn’t sound like the man who loved her.

The man who she loves.

“I don’t want it to be that,” she answers honestly, wrapping her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees. “But I can’t go back to how we were…what do you want?”

“You.”

A shiver runs down her spine, gooseflesh popping up on her skin.

“That’s all. You just want me?”

“Always, Emma,” he promises, his lips ticking up on the right and the lines around his eyes crinkling while his tongue clicks. “But you’re right. We can’t…I can’t leave like that. I can’t do things just for me without considering you. And you can’t let me just do it and say that things are okay.”

“I kind of figured you knew things weren’t okay.”

“You’ve never lied to me, so I didn’t expect it then. I always believed the words that you said.”

“So what are we doing, Killian? What do we do?”

He shrugs, sitting up against the headboard. “We try again. We make compromises. We do better. For ourselves. For each other. And maybe I don’t put a song out without letting you know.”She smiles, the first genuine smile without heartbreak hidden behind it, for the first time today. Maybe for the first time in months.

“I’d like that.”

It takes more than one day for things to get back to normal. It takes weeks, months really. Killian was a constant part of her life for five years, but after nearly half a year apart, things don’t simply snap back. Trust has to be rebuilt, routines have to become routine again, and she has to learn that things are never going to be perfect and that compromise is a hell of a lot harder than simply saying the word. You actually have to break and bend, give and give up, but it’s worth it if you want to make things work.

She wants to make things work.

Killian does too.

And the next time she hears a song on the radio that’s about her, Killian’s voice isn’t broken. And neither is her heart.