#just had to delete a comment ten minutes after posting this of someone hitting me up :(

[the-polite-lurker]

What is it with people sexualising modest and celibate women? (Particularly nuns and muslims) Like seriously, even if I run away to a convent the second I get baptised I will still be considered sexy by some creep. Modesty is holy and dressing up in a nun costume and shamelessly sinning while doing so is blasphemy! Even if you’re atheist and don’t care about blasphemy it’s just simply disgusting and disrespectful to these women and inherently sexist. Leave the sisters in peace!

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 315: I Didn’t Expect This to Blow Up

Previously on BnHA: Horikoshi was all “guess which plot that you thought was dead is actually not dead and is making a comeback!” and we were all “EVIL HPSC??” and he was all “girl you know it,” and that’s the story of how we got a sexy Lady Nagant flashback with lots of guns and murder. Flashback!Lady was all “gotta murder peeps to preserve the people’s trust,” but then a little while later she was like “actually wait that makes no sense,” and so she shot her evil boss and they sent her to jail. Back in the present, Deku was all “okay fair, the hero system might in fact be a little fucked up, but hear me out... have you considered not helping AFO take over the world so he can murder like a bazillion more innocent people??” The chapter ended with the not-all-there Overhaul finally revealing himself to Deku, and I honestly have no idea where this is gonna go.

Today on BnHA: In what is unfortunately the single worst plan ever concocted by anyone in BnHA, Nagant is all “I’m going to try and get this Deku kid to panic and freeze up by putting someone in mortal danger.” Deku is all, “[doesn’t panic and freeze up at the sight of someone in mortal danger].” Nagant is all “omg no way.” Deku, who is now all of a sudden being so OP that even I have to acknowledge that it’s OP lol, is all “[smashes Nagant’s gun arm to bits]”, which sucks but is also really cool, and which also apparently makes Nagant decide that she actually likes this kid after all. Deku is all “NAGANT I REALLY LIKE YOU AND THINK YOU’RE GREAT SO PLEASE JOIN UP WITH ME AND STOP BEING EVIL.” Nagant is all “aw shucks (✿ •͈ᴗ•͈) well okay then” and everyone is all “( ･◡･) ✰ ( ˆᴗˆ ) ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)” and then Nagant FUCKING EXPLODES LIKE AN EGG IN THE MICROWAVE AND FALLS TO HER DEATH!!!! except not really because Hawks saves her??? In conclusion, (a) THE FUCK, and (b) AFO TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO TALK.

so I have to tell you guys something, which is that barely ten minutes after I made that “please don’t send me spoilers” post the other day, someone replied to the comments in a stunning fit of “tell me that you’re twelve without actually telling me you’re twelve�� energy and posted what seemed to be the copy-pasted spoiler summary from reddit or twitter or whatever lol. so here is my good news/bad news rundown of all that

good news: I have very well-conditioned ABORT!! reflexes and have trained myself to immediately look away from the screen (usually in dramatic fashion) as soon as I realize that whatever I’m reading is a spoiler

bad news: unfortunately as I was subsequently deleting said comments, I accidentally read the very last one

good news??: said spoiler was so unbelievably, absurdly over-the-top that I’m almost positive this person was just trolling. like, there’s just no way lmao

bad news: but in the unlikely event that it is true I will absolutely lose my shit I swear to god

(ETA: “NAGANT DIES.” that was the spoiler I read lol. like, literally all I read from the person’s comments was “My Hero Academia Chapter 315 Title: “Beautiful Words.” Chapter starts with...” and then I noped out of there, and then of all the comments to read as I was deleting, it had to be that one lol. I seriously was just like “SURE, JAN.” all “just how gullible do you think I am” sob. but I was wrong. a troll, but an honest troll they remain.

but anyways like I’m pretty sure Nagant isn’t even actually dead lol, so in the end this whole little adventure doesn’t even have a point to it, but for me it was a journey!)

anyway, so there are apparently two versions of the chapter today?? no idea what the difference is, but I’m going to go with the Bean version, because it’s the one at the top and I don’t feel like making decisions today

huh, so Overhaul is actually more coherent than Horikoshi was letting on

look at him having a whole back and forth conversation with her. side note, how is he still this jacked when he’s been sitting in a cell doing absolutely nothing for the past six months

anyway so he says he’ll go with her on one condition. I wonder what that condition could possibly be. do you think it could be the thing he literally hasn’t shut up about ever since he reappeared lol

yep! and damn -- maybe this guy will surprise me after all

still would be nice if you also felt a bit sorry for the little girl you tortured and traumatized, but this is something at least. maybe Deku will yell at him for that other stuff lol

(ETA: also can��t help but wonder if he wants to make amends because he put him in a coma, or because his plan was a failure and ended up destroying the family. just hoping you’ve finally had that “hurting other people is bad” epiphany dude.)

anyways so now Nagant’s arm is transforming again, and this particular transformation happens to be the only truly unsexy thing that Nagant has done thus far so I’m just gonna skip right on ahead lol

aaaaand we’re back to the delirious ranting

buddy. just. read the fucking room, guy

wow she really is aiming at Overhaul, then. those theories were spot-on

damn she’s really out here all “it really fucks with kids’ heads when you kill people right in front of them and make them blame themselves” like yo

I’m picturing her saying all this in a very loud stage-whispery tone while making very significant eye contact with Deku lol

uh oh but wait

um. okay. who’s gonna tell her. Nagant I might have some bad news for you about the kid you’re trying to capture here. specifically about the way he tends to do the opposite of what you’re thinking that he’s about to do

holy shit

so it’s basically just “tap x repeatedly to charge up your attack” lol

and okay, so that’s cool and all, but is anyone else wincing at the thought of what that must be like on his knees. oh to be young

anyway, but so to the surprise of basically no one, Deku did not, in fact, freeze. I am very sorry, Nagant. he’s just like this

LMAO

someone wanna tell me how getting yoloed in the fucking ribs by this fucking slingshot kid moving at literal sniper bullet speed is in any way even remotely better than getting hit by the bullet itself lol

(ETA: this is 10x funnier now that we know the bullet wasn’t even gonna hit him lmao.)

anyway so now Nagant is having an extended “!?!?!?” reaction about how Deku just moved with no hesitation, and I’m starting to get an inkling of fear that the rest of this fight isn’t going to go very well for her and maybe that’s what all the “hoo boy” is about

oh my god Deku are you about to Gomu Gomu no Rocket yourself at her you insane little man

now Three is popping up again and he’s all “I see you’ve learned your lesson and are now only using three quirks at once instead of five” like with all this effusive praise about how great and badass Deku is and sob, okay, yeah. this chapter is basically one of those machines that shoots tennis balls at people, except instead of tennis balls it shoots hot piping discourse

OH MY GOD

YOOOOOOOOOO but also, NOOOOOOOOOOO

lol oh my god it’s literally two opposing reactions at once wtf. do I love this or hate this. like just for once can Horikoshi actually let a badass lady character win their fucking fight without getting their arm ripped off, BUT ALSO fucking look at that absurdly cool “SMASH” onomatopoeia though. it looks like it’s about to float right off the page holy shit that’s some seriously good art

anyway so is this really the end?? do I need to break out my ಠ_ಠ faces

lmao okay yeah I can definitely see how this would piss a lot of people off

he basically one-shotted her and she’s all “damn this kid is so amazing that I’m about to do a complete 180 turn on all of my previous angst” lmao. Horikoshi is really shounening it up today

on the plus side though, maybe this means there’s still a chance for her to join up with him after all? unless that spoiler was true lmao, then all hell is gonna break loose

YESSSSSSS

OH MY GOD AND HE SAYS THE BULLET WOULDN’T HAVE DONE MORE THAN GRAZE OVERHAUL ANYWAY, wow, I’m actually more relieved by that than I would have expected. I mean I would have forgiven her either way, but it means that there was still more hero in her than she was letting on

YES!!! FUCKING YES, THANK YOU

lol but I mean, it’s also like, “oh so today they get to have brain cells”, thank you so much lol. sometimes it’s really hard to tell which times we’re supposed to question these character decisions that seem dumb, and which times we’re just supposed to full on embrace them and switch off our critical thinking

but okay, so in this case it really was Nagant going easy on him on purpose, and not just her fucking up for no good reason even though she used to do this for a living and was the best in the game. and I know in this case it’s probably just Horikoshi giving us some consolation headpats to soften the blow of her losing so abruptly, but you know what, shit. I’ll take it

also you guys the light is coming back into Deku’s eyes again for just a moment here and I’m having feels about it?? the way it still comes back when he’s reaching out to save someone, and following his own hero path instead of the much darker and lonelier Christopher Nolan path that’s been laid out for him instead that he never wanted?? it’s both reassuring and also very sad

YESSSSSSSSSSS

DO IT LADY OMG PLEASE?? PLEASE COME BE HIS NEW IRRESPONSIBLE ADULT SUPERVISION YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO

AHHHHHHH SHE’S GONNA DO IT AHHHH

p.s. I am now absolutely scared shitless that that spoiler was actually true sob. swear to god, I will throw this manga into a fucking volcano. but we’re almost at the end of the chapter and this seems just WAY TOO GOOD to be true fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck f

UCK

NOPE NAH SEND IT BACK, NOPE, NUH UH, DIDN’T ORDER THIS. “GULLIBLE” OKAY FUCK YOU?? “COUNTERMEASURES” NOPE, DON’T NEED ‘EM, WE’RE ALL FINE HERE. WE’RE ACTUALLY GOOD SO YOU CAN JUST GO, OKAY. PLEASE

fuck, lol, I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna scroll down what have I ever done to deserve this oh my god

WHAT THE HONEY-ROASTED FUCK

WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKING VOLCANO IN ICELAND THAT I KEEP SEEING ALL THESE PICTURES OF. WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SHIT. LET’S GO

ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW

can someone please give AFO a really good, sharpish kick in the balls. just really let him have it. I’m so tired, what the fuck

-- ARE YOU KIDDING ME LOL WHAT

bro. I was literally going through my Excel folders to find the spreadsheet about female characters in BnHA that I made back when Midnight died. was gearing myself up for a wholeass rant. and honestly I might just let all of that continue simmering on low to keep it warm just in case lol, because to tell you the truth I have absolutely no idea what’s happening right now

my girl straight up does not have a face. she used to have a face. people usually need those, idk. like, even if she’s alive, her gorgeous eyebrows are definitely not making it out of this and I’m gonna throw a funeral just for them

how the fuck did AFO just blow her up?? how did he know what was going on?? and if he had a quirk that could explode people at will, why is this the first we’re hearing of it?? you’d think that might have come in handy at Kamino or Jakku, like what

(ETA: present!me, who’s had more than three hours of sleep and can now actually remember facts about the series, would like to remind past!me that AFO gave Nagant a quirk, and so this is probably just more Vestige shenanigans now on his part. that’s also probably why Air Walk suddenly stopped working out of nowhere. still doesn’t explain why he doesn’t go around blowing people up more often though but maybe he thinks it’s gauche.)

Hawks just straight up out of nowhere. just Mirioed his way straight into the chapter just in time to be too late sob. here I was looking forward to seeing your face when Deku showed up with his new best friend. can’t believe Horikoshi deprived us of that moment

on the plus side, WELCOME BACK, HAWKS’S FEATHERS. I have no doubt that in this chapter of Deku being an almighty threequirk-mastering god, and Nagant losing anticlimactically only to be immediately blown up because girl characters in BnHA can only be cool for one fight and one fight only, there are still some people who are focusing solely on the “how dare Hawks get his wings back when he is a MURDERER this is an outrage what about CONSEQUENCES” discourse, and to hell with all the other discourses lmao

anyway, so yeah. wow. and now it’s just occurring to me that maybe the real reason why Overhaul is there is so he can get a head start on that amend-making by actually doing a good thing for once in his life, and using his quirk to heal Nagant. assuming he can still do that

and so now Horikoshi has got me out here actually rooting for Overhaul. you know what, on that note I think I’m just gonna go ahead and call it a day sob

[emimothvine]

📂 I love your headcanons so much!!!

Thank <3 I hope you know that every time I see your username it makes me happy. 

TW: Mitsuki is a terrible fucking parent.

Every time Katsuki is forced to come back home for a visit, his mother decides to watch the news instead of her usual soap operas. Her favorite channel is one garnered towards young heroes and hero-hopefuls specifically, and she never fails to turn up the volume when they inevitably start talking shit about her son. He’s been one of their favorite topics ever since the sports festival, and Kamino only made it worse.

They call him unstable, volatile, and dangerous. They suggest that he went with the villains willingly and that he had a hand in All Might’s downfall. They spit poison and hate, claim to fear for the safety of those around him - and in the same breath they shove it under a guise of concern for his mental health. As if they didn’t just waste ten minutes verbally eviscerating his character.

Mitsuki likes to send him blog posts, too. And articles. She texts him links throughout the week, all written by either fake-worried parents or alleged “professionals.” It hurts him, having everything she says about him confirmed through writing. It feels like dozens of tiny needles slowly digging their way through his chest, into his heart.

He still reads all of it. Listens to everything they have to say. He doesn’t know why; he doesn’t want to see this - doesn’t even need to, really. He already knows he’s bad, knows what to expect with every familiar ping of his phone. But for some reason, there’s this thing in his gut, this pull urging him to look, look at that. It tells him to read and to re-read; to hear it all and see it all a hundred times over; to dissect every word.

When he’s home, it’s all she talks about outside of reprimands and strange, bipolar bullshit with his father. His father, who sits silently as she pokes and prods at everything that makes Katsuki bad and wrong; who tells him that she loves him. Wants what’s best for him. His father, who tells the prettiest lies.

(And her husband, too, whom she calls a pushover and a coward. Whom she scolds relentlessly for every mistake and every weakness, and then laughs at when he tries to change. Katsuki isn’t like Masaru. Katsuki won’t change a damn thing for her, no matter the hurt. He isn’t like Masaru, because cruelty is all she’s ever given him, and he refuses to fight for something that isn’t there.)

(No, he won’t seek her kindness or her affection. He doesn’t need something as superficial as his mother’s love to succeed.)

(And yet.)

(And yet he’ll never admit to the bitter ache he feels when he hears her tell Masaru she loves him.)

When Katsuki has the nerve to snap back, to match her loud volume, or (when he’s feeling particularly daring) to raise his voice first, she slaps him. But Katsuki doesn’t care - she smacks him all the time. What really gets under his skin is the question that follows, the “you gonna try to fuck me up like you did that gravity bitch at the festival?” Fuck, does it piss him off.

All of this, every word and hit and passive-aggressive taunt, her way of saying “See? The world agrees with me. You can’t be who you are and still be a hero.”

Katsuki refuses to believe the second part. But the first? Yeah. He’s a piece of shit. Makes sense that the world would hate him. He can’t say he likes himself much either.

...What Katsuki doesn’t realize is that Mitsuki’s sources are a load of bullshit.

That news channel? Filled with misogynists and homophobes and just about every brand of bigot out there. You’d be hard-pressed to find someone that actually takes them seriously - not in this day and age.

The blogs, the articles? She has to spend hours scrounging the internet to find people stupid enough to bash her son. And when she does, the comments are either filled with angry fans of his, or the comment section has been deleted entirely.

Katsuki doesn’t know that after the sports festival, UA went under fire from all directions. Furious parents, angry teenagers, various news outlets. The school was canceled on Twitter, and the hashtag was trending for a solid four weeks before the internet calmed the fuck down.

Then Kamino happened, and All Might fell. That one reporter that questioned Katsuki’s morality got demoted after a petition to have them fired received over a hundred thousand signatures. UA was canceled yet again, and it was even worse this time - because All Might’s fall is big news, and it was inevitable that its reach extended past Japanese borders. The whole world caught wind of All Might’s end, and with it the story of the boy who was stolen from right under the heroes’ noses. The infamous scene from the sports festival spilled across international borders, along with speculation that this was the reason villains targeted Katsuki in the first place.

And the fucking. Backlash. Good lord.

A couple thousand Katsuki stan accounts were created to go along with the dozens he had before, and anti-UA hashtags were trending in France and Russia for at least two days. UA ended up releasing a public apology for their actions at the sports festival and their negligence at the training camp (neither of which are seen by Katsuki, courtesy of his mother).

His classmates make jokes, sometimes, about all his “fans.” But Katsuki thinks they’re just that: jokes. He sees people staring at him on the street, and he assumes their looks come from a place of disgust. He knows that people are intimidated by him, but he doesn’t know that their trepidation goes hand-in-hand with their admiration - he’s powerful, to them, and he’s been through some shit. But he’s still standing tall and proud and unshakeable. He burns so brightly, and he has this air about him that makes you want him to like you, to be impressed by you - and that makes people nervous.

.

.

That was way longer than I intended, what the fuck.

tl;dr Katsuki thinks that the public hates him way more than they actually do, and thus does not realize that half of Japan’s population (plus a small percentage of the rest of the world) hardcore stans his oblivious ass.

(He finally starts to figure it out when some douchebag on the train starts heckling him, and he stays quiet because he’s learned by now that lashing out will make it worse.)

(He does not expect an enraged five-year-old girl to show up out of nowhere and kick that motherfucker in the shin.)

(He also does not expect for half the train car to back her up. Loudly.)

(All he can do is stare in blatant astonishment as a crowd of complete strangers rises to his defense; as some random teenagers approach his gaping visage and tell him to ignore that bastard, that he doesn’t know what he’s talking about, that his opinion means shit.)

(And Katsuki doesn’t know what this is - if it’s pity, if he should be angry - but it makes his chest burn and his eyes sting and for once, he thinks, it’s okay. Doing nothing and watching in heart-wrenching astonishment - it’s all okay.)

[starrybbarnes]

dancing hearts | [b.b]

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: there’s an app that’s all the rage, and Bucky wants no part in it.

Word Count: 1828 (a pretty solid word count, if i do say so myself)

Author’s note: before y’all ask, yes i did made a tiktok one shot. it was like a given. but this one shot is inspired by that trend where you record your s/o looking at you while dancing, and I know that’s something bucky would do. as always, I enjoy the feedback you guys give me ♡

Warnings: centenarian steve doing the savage dance (it’s canon). some tooth-rotting fluff, it’s lowkey sickening. oodles and oodles of fluff, i promise

You knew you shouldn't have succumbed to the pleas of Peter and Shuri. But here you were, downloading an app that rewards people in recording themselves doing funny videos, and dances as well.

At first, you only used tiktok to just watch others, but then you started toying with features. As a SHIELD agent, you would sometimes record videos of you giving tours of the Stark building, and many people enjoyed that content. When your audience found out that you also worked alongside the Avengers, they begged you to find a way to include them in videos. 

It was no easy feat. At first, you would just videotape your friends while they’re working out, or if they had the time, a “day in the life of” type of clip, or you would film an occasional prank video, which the viewers would eat up.

The videos that would garner the most views, however, were the dancing videos. Yes, it is true that you got your ‘very serious and adult’ friends to do funny renditions of Savage and Say So. People could not believe that someone as old as Sam can do the splits, but yet, there he was. 

Another niche that your fans enjoyed was videos of you teaching the Avengers the popular dances. When you taught Steve the dance to Savage, he had stormed off grumbling how it’s ‘indecent’ and ‘humiliating.’ He did come back to finish the dance, though, and might you add, he did slightly better than you.

From duets with Peter, to breaking out in dance at the gym with Natasha, everyone enjoyed doing the dances with you. All except one.

You always knew Bucky was a serious one, but you have seen him crack a smile or two. And you have seen him shimmy once in a while when you played music in the kitchen. But for some reason, he was not fond of this new trend that was making waves throughout the Avengers compound. 

It’s not like you’re secretly recording him or anything. You ask everyone beforehand if they mind being recorded. But it seems like he doesn't want to do it, point blank. Steve says it might be because he’s just not a fan of being the center of attention. Sam thinks it because Bucky’s afraid to admit that he sucks at dancing. 

And today was no exception. It was a day off for the Avengers, so you thought this was prime time for some new footage of your friends dancing. You had decided you wanted to teach one of the harder dances, and just make a video out of the many times he might mess up.

You made your way to the kitchen and started to greet everyone. Your eyes landed on Bucky, who was at the kitchen island, eating Pad Thai. You softly said hello, and Bucky looked up. He had a small grin and politely waved hello. He offered his seat next to him, and told you to help yourself to some of his leftovers, which you happily agree to.

Despite ‘hating’ your ‘antics,’ Bucky was more than happy to hang out with you during lunch time. About ninety percent of the time, he’s pretty cold and broody, but the other ten percent he’s a pleasure to be around.

You kind of wished you knew what went on inside his head, simply on the basis that you like him. It’d be nice to know if you liking him was worth it. 

As you got your fair share of Pad Thai, you asked him if he wanted to do a video with him. A lot of your audience wanted to see the Winter Soldier in action, busting some moves.

Bucky nodded his head, “it’s not my cup of tea, doll. Why would I do something as ridiculous as that?” 

You frowned slightly. “There’s no harm in having a little fun, Buck.”

“Yeah, well, I just don’t wanna do it.” He then left his seat to the island to go sit at the kitchen table to finish his lunch.

You narrowed your eyes towards Bucky, not caring enough to argue over something small. He’ll come around eventually. 

Almost immediately, Steve walked into the kitchen, and your face lit up. You asked him if he was busy. He hesitated while saying no, but it didn’t matter. You told him he was going to take part in a dancing video.

Steve complained slightly, as the other Avengers started cheering him on to do it. You propped your phone against the fruit basket on the island, the camera facing towards the living room and kitchen table, with New York in the background.

You hit record and started guiding Steve along with the song. It was an upbeat song and it wasn’t long that he started to get the hang of it. Recording took no longer than 20 minutes, but you quickly got to editing the video. Once done, you posted it, excited to see your followers’ reaction. 

You took a quick snack break and decided to see the comments of the video. Everyone loved it: comments ranging from adoration to slightly thirsty for Captain America. You showed the comment section to Steve, and he couldn’t stop cracking up. 

Then there was a top comment that was gaining popularity. Steve read it while slightly smirking, and decided to show it to you. “Check it out,” Steve said, “looks like people are spotting an admirer.”

You were confused at what he was talking about, and that’s when you saw the comment:

mary: has anyone noticed Bucky in the background?! He keeps looking at y/n with heart eyes! 

Sure enough, when you went back to look at the footage, you saw that Bucky was feigning eating his lunch, whilst staring at you, albeit with his heart fluttering. 

You thought the gesture was endearing, and it only made you wonder more if Bucky really thought of you in that way. It was time to get the bottom of it. 

 “Hey Buck, is it okay if I record here? The lighting is better, but I just wanna make sure I’m not intruding,” you said with slight concern. 

Bucky smiled at you, “you’ll never intrude on me, Doll. You can have as much or as little sunlight when you’re around me.”

You giggled like a schoolgirl and went on with your plan. You decided to place your phone by a pile of books on the kitchen table where Bucky was sitting, inconspicuously flipping the camera so that it was facing him. 

The song that you decided to ‘record’ was an upbeat and fun one, and you’ve already learned the dance. There had been a challenge going around that you would film your significant other reacting to you dancing said song, and it was very popular. However, you didn’t have a significant other, but Bucky was definitely a close second. 

As the song started playing, Bucky’s eyes started to light up and became very interested as to how you were going to dance to it. His head started bobbing along to the song, mouthing some of the lyrics. 

Then it got to the chorus. You started doing the moves along with the song, and Bucky’s face said it all. He was enamored. He started to cheer you on, mimicking the moves you were doing, and clapping once you finished your little dance number. 

As you finished your dance, your phone finished recording and saved the video to your photo album. You took a seat at the kitchen table and quickly skimmed the video. Your cheeks started burning red as you captured a moment of Bucky smiling really big while you were dancing.

You kept replaying the video when Bucky called your name. “How’s the video looking, sweetheart?” he asked as he tried to read your face.

 Your face started to go red again. You didn’t think you would get this far. Your mind started racing and tried to think of anything, anything, to cover up your true motives.

“I… the video didn’t come out as good as I thought,” you replied in a high-pitched voice. 

“Doesn’t sound too convincing, doll,” Bucky questioned as he got up from his chair and slowly started making his way towards you. 

You hid your phone behind your back, trying to back away from Bucky’s extended hand.

“Doll, I just want to see the video, it can’t be that bad.”

“Oh, but it is, I can’t show you,” you tried to argue. 

Bucky started advancing much faster, and had you cornered by the kitchen wall. He put one arm above your head, and stared right through your lies.

“And why is it bad?” Bucky inquired.

You took a deep breath, while also making the mistake of inhaling Bucky’s cologne. His fresh pine scent started making you dizzy, knees almost bucking at the sight before you.

“It’s just…” you started. “The last video I made with Steve, someone noticed you in the background looking at me, and they said it looked endearing.”

When Bucky didn’t respond, you continued, “I didn’t believe it so I did the challenge where I record myself dancing, I recorded you looking at me dancing.”

“Is that so?” Bucky said as he broke into a small.

“I’m really sorry Bucky,” you replied with a small whisper, “If you want, I’ll delete it immediately. I wasn’t planning on posting it or anything.” 

“Then what exactly were you going to do with the video?” Bucky asked as he raised an eyebrow.

You gulped. Well, it’s now or fucking never.

“.... cherish it,” You said sheepishly, “I thought you looked really cute when you were cheering me on with my dumb dances that you hate.”

Bucky’s face softened. “Didn’t know you thought that fondly of me, doll. Also, your dances aren’t dumb. I just… I’m a bad dancer.” 

You started laughing. “Lucky for you, we both have the rest of the day off to practice… if that’s okay with you?”

Bucky kissed your forehead, “of course it’s fine… after I take on a little dinner date, though.”

“Deal.” 

You and Bucky embraced each other, taking in each other. You gave him a peck on the cheek and then Peter came running in.

“Hey guys! Shuri’s here and she wants to teach you a new dance!” he chirped as he was running out of breath. “It’s called the renegade dance, do you guys wanna take part in it?”

You turned to Bucky, who then flashed his smile. “Of course, kid. But let Shuri know that me and my girl over here are gonna crush you guys at it.”

Peter’s eyes widened and took a glance towards both of you. 

“... uhhhh no. But this is still a lot to process,” and with that he left the kitchen.

“What do you say, Y/N... Can I have this dance?” Bucky asked, extending his arm.

“It’d be an honor, Buck,” you replied, taking his hand and making your way outside.

[sturdy-nerdy-stitchery]

This is going to be a personal post because I have a very very very very very very very very rough night last night. That resulted in two very bad anxiety attacks that left me shaking, hyperventilating, and crying.

Because an instagrammer with 12K followers (I think it was 15 at the time last night or I could have been mistaken) decided to drag me through the mud and tag me "@sturdynerdystitchery They have an Etsy shop don't shop there" All because I accidentally down voted on one of their stories that was talking about another Instagram And how they are a bad company because they make holsters.. for tazers... And those holsters could be supplied to police and thus used to harm people with police brutality.

no, when this particular story came up talking about that company, I'm new to Instagram. I had no idea there was a slider that you could vote with. I had no idea whatsoever... Well, and unattended phone... The slider got clicked and it got clicked in the downvote position...

And it was on pure accident! And I kid you not, as soon as I saw that they tagged me... I went to go check and all I saw was the words "Do not shop" plus my Instagram name... And then my phone died.

And by the time I plugged in my phone and rebooted it, they had already blocked me so I couldn't even message them to explain what happened and that I dow voted on one of their posts on accident and not because I disagreed with the post.

I finally found them through Facebook and messaged them there. (Which now... And hindsight. I wish I had just waited and not message them on Facebook)

And then on my personal page for Facebook... I made a post about how the whole situation... And how someone with tens of thousands of followers just told the world not to shop at the sturdy nerdy stitchery... And that it was giving me a really massive anxiety attack for a solid 20 minutes.

But! My friends got my back commenting "what's their Instagram!" and one of them messaged the instagrammer to explain the situation and explain that it was an accident. The Instagram lady then messaged me to apologize that I got caught in the crosshairs, They deleted the post they had my name in it, and they would be happy to feature me on one of their stories.

This is where I put my foot in my mouth and I should have just stopped while I was ahead. I should have just said thank you for the spotlight but no thank you. I was already still feeling the anxiety symptoms from earlier and when I have anxiety, sometimes I tend to ramble when I shouldn't. And I rambled. I got on my soapbox and I merely explained that thanks but no thanks to being featured on the spotlight... But that I was reading through some of the stories again because I was legit curious on which one had accidentally got a down vote... And just the content of the particular story and the few that followed... And the way it was presented... didn't sit right with me. I never ever once specified what exactly did not sit right with me. I just said it didn't sit right with me, and they assumed what it was that didn't sit right with me. Which by the way was clearly off the mark but I'm not even going to bother explain to them the thing that didn't sit right with me.

There's more to it than that and I took screenshots... But pretty much, it wasn't the topics that were being discussed when we were chatting back and forth, it was the way that she was discussing those topics with me. The wording that was used. It made me feel uncomfortable again and it triggered a second anxiety attack. Especially when I feared that they would screenshot it and share it to their stories like they did with a few other people when they put them on blast.

I was having such an awful anxiety attack that at 12:30 a.m., I'm calling my husband who is out of town for work so that I could video chat with him because talking with him would make me feel better. And it did.

There is permission from the first mentioned the company... To drag them through the mud because they don't care anymore especially after this Instagramer called them a racist company...

And I'm debating if I should care considering that for at least a good hour and a half, they told the world not to shop at my store. All because I accidentally clicked a button wrong.

It was not a very fun experience and I'm hoping that when I told them that the direction the conversation was going was causing my anxiety to rise again... They take that to heart and they don't do anything further. Because I don't want to get dragged through the mud either. I am just a small cottage business and I don't need my reputation ruined just because a narcissist decided to spin the story as narcissists always do... And make it about them and how they are the victim.

Hell, I even apologized if my words hurt them. I even apologized that I went on my soapbox. I explained that I was still having anxiety issues from the affirmation tag that I caught way too late because my phone died. I explained that sometimes my anxiety makes me ramble and I shouldn't. That's no excuse I know... And I hope they understand that I was merely giving a reason.

I told them that I am sorry that my words hurt you but on the other side of the coin could they admit that their words are hurting me? They pretty much equated it to saying that they have a right to express their words however they want... Which to me means that they don't care if their words are coming across hurtful. They feel upset and therefore they are entitled to spewing hurtful words.

My soon to be 4-year-old watches Daniel tiger a lot and one of the things in an episode that they say is "It's okay to feel angry but it's not okay to hurt someone" And I totally validate their feelings. They had every right to feel upset or uncomfortable when I got on my soapbox and I shouldn't have. I even reread my soapbox to make sure that I didn't say anything mean and all I said was that certain parts of the story i was reading just didn't sit right with me. And that it didn't sit right with me that because of an accidental button click, I get an Instagram tag and a mention saying not to shop at my store. All because I accidentally clicked the button that correlated to a disagree.

I also said "It doesn't sit right with me" Because what they did in another story was "putting someone on blast like that? And calling them the b word whether or not they deserved it?"

That's pretty much it. on three points I just explained that it didn't sit right with me. And therefore thank you but no thank you for putting me on the spotlight because I don't feel comfortable being in the spotlight when there are certain things that just don't sit well with me. And if those particular words upset them, I apologized. They had every right to feel upset or uncomfortable by what I said, even if I said it plainly, politely, respectfully... how they interpret that message is up to them and I can't control that. And if they interpreted it in a negative way and it hurt them... I own up to that. However, they did not own up to the reverse. They felt that because they had a right to be upset, that gave them the right to take the discussion in a way that was upsetting to me. Rather than take it in a way that was more adult, and amicable. Just because they were hurt and upset, they felt that it was within their right to hurt back. Because what do they say, hurt people hurt people?

There is more that I'm not explaining and I just don't feel like getting into that right now. I'm just trying to explain this as plainly as possible... I am trying to explain it in a way that validates how they felt but also validates how I felt.

So... I just don't know. Do I drag them through the mud because they were pretty much being a big meanie to a custom prop maker on Instagram as well as being not so nice in their wording when they were chatting with me?

Oh, not only that... But then they went and gave my friend the second degree. The friend who actually messaged them to say "hey... She down voted on accident". And that she was pretty much a racist by proxy of me.

They have 12,000 followers on Instagram. My Instagram only has 84 followers. (@sturdynerdystitchery If anyone wants to go give me a follow even though I don't post as much as I should).

Whoever, I have almost 2,000 followers on Tumblr... And it's not as big of a reach as they have, even though a lot of us suspect that their followers are bought... But at least this is a platform where I can express my feelings on the issue and possibly get word out to a not so nice instagrammer who could have handled the situation a lot more respectfully and amicably.

So, to my followers who made it this far...What do I do? Should I share their Instagram name and drag them through the mud because the first company just said "fuck it. they're calling us a racist company now so go ahead and drag them through the mud" Or should I leave this instagrammer out of it so I can take the high road? I mean... If you message me... And we keep a private I can share their information... As long as it doesn't come back to me that I was the one who's shared their name all over the place.

I just really don't want it to come back to me and to get negative feedback from this instagrammer. I really don't need her to put me on blast or anything because that's just going to trigger my anxiety all over again. I am still mad at what they did, and how they handle the situation... And I'm still filled with a rage... But I really don't want any more anxiety attacks.

I'm hoping that in the hour and a half before they removed the post with my name in it... I didn't take a huge hit to my little business and I'm hoping they don't share any screenshots and put me on blast...

[twiceblackvelvet]

Whose Voice Is It Anyway?

A/N; this idea randomly sprung into my head at 2 am one night and has haunted me since. so i had to try and bring it to life. enjoy. 

The white walls surrounding the closet area have become a well-known back-drop as of late. The majority of the videos created within this space usually include ridiculous dancing or lip-syncing to silly voice-overs, but today is more of a laid-back style of simply speaking to fans or anyone who happens to drop by the live stream. She gives herself a once over in the mirror and then on the screen before finally hitting the live option on her phone. 

A few people immediately join and begin spamming the comment section with emojis, a few say hello whilst others flat out say “I love you,” which earns an internal chuckle for a response. 

“Hello!” Jessica’s voice goes up a pitch with excitement seeing all of the people merrily interacting among themselves until random questions begin to pour in. “I’m at home right now, I just wanted to speak to you all, how are you guys?” 

Light slow-tempo music fills up the silence around her, not wishing for the atmosphere to be awkward as she reads the many things flying up the screen too fast for her to be able to comprehend what most of them are saying. 

“A new video? It’ll be out on Wednesday! Are you looking forward to it?” She asks after multiple people spammed about a new JessicaLand upload. A tonne of reassurances that people are indeed enjoying her content flows afterward. “I was so worried no one would watch but you all seem to like it a lot, it makes me so happy, in fact, we should probably change this!” 

She shuffles around briefly with the camera not showing her arm stretching out for the device that is playing the background music until she pulls it into view. 

“This music is too sad if we’re all in a good mood, let’s change it,” She readjusts herself upon seeing her reflection on the screen isn’t showing her face properly before speaking again. “Alexa, play happy music.” 

The Echo flashes a blue ring around the top to show it has registered her request and immediately switches to a more upbeat pop song. The lyrics evade Jessica’s mind briefly but eventually, she catches onto which song it is and sings along to some of the words whilst reading the various comments. 

“How are you guys?” She asks curiously. “Are you all taking care of yourselves?” 

A stream of responses floats up the screen at a rapid speed, some positive, a few negative, and the rest not even answering the question and instead, hurling their own back toward her. A steady conversation ensues discussing the possibility of a new album, Blanc & Eclare’s latest collection as well as what Soojung has been up to recently. 

The music playing in the background soon changes to a more doo-wop, R&B sounding melody with what Jessica thinks is a beautiful voice singing along to it. She begins to hum along with it herself mindlessly. 

“Wow, isn’t this song pretty everyone? The voice is so beautiful, I could fall asleep listening to it.” 

Her words are aimed towards no one, in particular, however, the startling response of people seemingly losing their minds after her compliment is rather confusing. Many people spam expletives, some simply repeat the word “omg” a bunch of times. Just as she’s about to ask what has caused this sudden uproar, it finally clicks when she sees her name repeated in some of the comments and her heart drops to the pit of her stomach.

Taeyeon. 

Without even realizing it, she had not only managed to sit and listen along to Taeyeon’s voice singing beautifully without noticing who it was nor did her brain recognize the signature voice of her former group-mate, but she had complimented her in front of thousands of people. The first time she’s acknowledged her existence in years and it’s by far the most embarrassing way to do so humanly possible, Jessica thinks. 

She quickly scrambles to change the song to something, anything other than what is playing, however, the damage if you wish to call it that has already been done. 

As yet another airy pop song replaces the sweet tone of Taeyeon, Jessica is frozen in place and unable to figure out what to do or say next to everyone still collectively losing their minds over this brief interaction and nod to her former life. 

Despite it being probably the worst way to move on from this blip, she decides to simply ignore it and pretend that it didn’t just happen with many witnesses who will no doubt rush to discuss it elsewhere and hopes that continuing the live will distract them from it altogether. 

It doesn’t.

The conversation between herself and fans continues for another ten minutes, though, it’s a lot more difficult to find talking points now among the sea of people simply plastering Taeyeon’s name but she manages until it all becomes a little too much. 

“I have to go now guys, but I hope you all remain well. I’ll see you all next time,” she waves goodbye to the screen and brings the live to an end with a deep sigh. 

It doesn’t take long for both Jessica and Taeyeon’s names to trend on various social platforms, in fact, it’s rather impressive how quickly the news of it spread. Some fans initially couldn’t believe that such a thing would happen and put it down to people making something up to fit their narrative. However, when someone eventually revealed they had managed to screen record most of the live including what Jessica had said about Taeyeon, any and all doubts were put to rest. 

In turn, it didn’t take much longer for news to reach Taeyeon either. 

Sitting inside the back of a small coffee shop, hidden away enough that people won’t bother her with a manager flanked on the opposite side of the table. The steam from the warm drinks is Taeyeon’s only focus, watching it swirl out of the small cup forcing her to zone out a little. 

“Taeyeon, look at this.” 

The words alone cause a rush of anxiety to build up in the pit of her stomach, even more so once he places his phone in front of her showing the trending topics page. A headline reading ‘Jessica forgets Taeyeon’s voice’ sitting atop the page. She decides to read through the article, though she mentally refuses to acknowledge it’s because she’s intrigued. Instead trying and failing to convince herself it’s just because she has no idea what it could possibly be about, and yet, it makes her sad regardless.

It’s not that Taeyeon expected Jessica to remember what her voice sounded like after so long apart, but to have her forget it completely feels painful somewhere deep down inside in a place buried long ago and forgotten. The only saving grace being that Jessica complimented her before she realized who it was she was praising. Taeyeon chuckles to herself at just how air-headed Jessica clearly can still be at times. 

The phone is quickly handed back to her manager as she scoops her own out of her jacket pocket. Her thumbs instinctively begin to type out a text message. 

“How could you possibly forget?” 

“Has it really been so long you don’t know what I sound like now?” 

“Don’t you listen to my music nowadays?” 

All of the possible things she could say to Jessica end up deleted. Her thoughts all begin to muddle into one until eventually, she closes the messages app after growing unsure of whether to bother sending her a text message after all of this time. She may not even have the same number. Instead, she hesitantly opens up Instagram, heads toward the story option, and snaps a picture of her coffee sitting atop the table. The pattern the barista managed to form being of a small heart. 

She begins to type out a small message to go along with the picture and publishes it without thinking twice. 

A few moments pass before the manager once again startles her out of her reverie. 

“Do you know that you posted this?” He turns his screen to face her with the Instagram story of her coffee pulled up on it this time, pointing towards her words clear as day below the image of the cup. 

“Yes.” is all she offers as a response and returns back to staring anywhere but at him or the phone. 

“Don’t you think it will make matters worse?” 

“It’ll be fine, it’s about time.” 

The two names continue to trend with more and more people discussing the two former group-mates except now, more specifically,  what Taeyeon’s words in response to Jessica could mean for them both. 

“Your voice is still beautiful too.” 

Jessica doesn’t see the story herself, not wishing to fall down the rabbit hole that is Taeyeon if she happens to look at the many pictures depicting her life now. However, she does see the many screenshots people tag her in for days afterward. 

She would be lying if she said it didn’t make her feel all the things and more that Taeyeon now sings about. 

Happiness.

[flowerfan2]

Everything You’re Looking For

David/Patrick, 2000 words, A03

S05e06 coda

In the days after what Patrick thinks of as the Ken incident, Patrick finds himself hyperaware every time a guy around his age comes into the store.  It’s bordering on ridiculous, but each time Patrick approaches one of them with what he steadily maintains is his usual cheerful greeting, he can’t help but wonder what they see when they look at him.  Is he now giving off some kind of gay vibe?

Adding to the insanity of this preoccupation is the fact that Patrick still, for the most part, has no idea whether any particular guy he looks at is queer.  He’s actually pretty sure that making that judgment based upon a guy’s appearance is incorrect, and yet he doesn’t have the time to banter with everyone he meets for a few weeks to find out whether their eyes linger on his lips when he calls out their sloppy mouth, so he’s not sure how to discover if there might be an attraction between them.

It’s not as if he wants there to be an attraction between them – he doesn’t want to be with anyone other than David, that was never really in doubt, and now it’s firmly established.  But he just can’t help considering what people think when they meet him.  If Ken had seen something in Patrick that told him “yeah, he might be open to this” does that mean that Patrick has changed?  In his whole life, before meeting David, no guy has ever hit on him.  Something must have changed.

Of course it might also be that Ken saw Patrick interacting with David, or looking at David, or existing near David… Patrick thinks he’s pretty obvious, at least now, when it comes to his attachment to his boyfriend.  Stevie has gone so far as to describe him as “besotted,” at least when she was high.  On the other hand, if it was clear that Patrick was in a relationship, why would Ken have asked for his number?

It’s confusing, and distracting.  Desperate to get his mind off the topic, Patrick tells David that he’s going to hide out in the back room for the afternoon and work on the books.  David seems fine with this – he’s got no reason not to be – and so Patrick sits himself down with his laptop and proceeds to stare unseeingly at a half-finished profit and loss statement until his eyes start to cross.

Patrick wonders if this would all make more sense if he knew any other queer people their age besides David. He thinks that’s part of why David wanted him to experience a date with Ken.  Having someone to talk to seems like it might help.  But the last thing he wants is to make David think he wants to meet other gay guys because there’s something lacking in his relationship with David – there isn’t.  David is gorgeous and impossible and everything Patrick had never known he wanted.  Patrick can’t imagine being more deeply in love than he is with David, and in his heart of hearts, he doesn’t see that ever changing.

But Patrick is, for lack of a better word, curious.  He’s never been a gay man in any environment other than Schitt’s Creek; no one knew he was gay until he became David Rose’s boyfriend.  (His parents still don’t know, but he pushes that thought away – it’s a problem for another day).

He finds himself poking around online, looking at LGBTQ+ community center websites.  There’s one not too far away with a wide range of programming, including groups that center around identity, advocacy, mental health, and the arts.  There’s even a book club.  Patrick tries to imagine showing up to a meeting with a dozen other queer people.  He’s not sure how it would feel.

A few more searches bring him to an online chat group.  He meanders about for a while, reading threads on coming out, and religion, and the challenges of being gay in a small town.  He finds one that seems friendly, and without letting himself think too hard about it, he posts.

I haven’t been out for long, even to myself.  I’m pretty happy hanging out with my boyfriend and his   - he rapidly backspaces, deleting “his” and changing it to “our” - our most likely straight friends, but should I be making an effort to meet more queer people?

Patrick forces himself to tab away from the chat group and spend some time entering data on vendors into a spreadsheet.  It’s easy work, though, and not nearly distracting enough.  He doesn’t know why he thinks random people who have nothing better to do than screw around online are going to have anything valuable to say, but he’s still dying to know if he’ll get any responses.  

Finally five o-clock rolls around, and he joins David out in the store to get ready to close up.  David’s in a good mood, humming and strutting around the display tables with a broom that is serving more as a prop than a cleaning device, and Patrick forgets all about his post.  They pick up a pizza on their way home, and waste time faux arguing about whether they’re going to go to Ray’s house next weekend for game night (they will, in the end, but David needs to get in a good rant first to feel like he’s being heard).

Alexis stops by for a few minutes, and she teases David for a while about a haircut he once got while drunk – in her opinion it was even worse than the one Jocelyn got at the casino.  Patrick thinks Alexis is lonely now that David spends most nights out of the motel.  He doesn’t mind her lingering in their space as if she has a right to be there.  It’s nice, really, feeling like he’s part of David’s family, and he doesn’t like the idea of Alexis feeling alone.

David kicks Alexis out around ten, and they get changed into sleep pants and t-shirts and climb into bed. Patrick grabs his laptop and David smirks at him, finding a magazine and tucking himself close against Patrick’s side.  It’s not weird for them to read for a while before going to sleep, even if it means that they don’t mess around every night.  Patrick tips his head and kisses David’s forehead.  He always felt guilty if he told Rachel he wasn’t in the mood, but it doesn’t work that way with David.  David doesn’t have any doubts about the fact that Patrick finds him sexy.  They’ve played with this often enough, David cranking Patrick up just with a sultry smile and a finger trailing along his skin in just the right place.  But tonight, at least for now, Patrick has other things on his mind.

Bracing himself for disappointment, Patrick goes back to the chat.  There are a number of replies to his post, and he bites his lip as he reads them.  There’s a good smattering of “don’t worry, there’s no way to do it wrong” responses which are nice enough, but he’s already had David’s voice in his head telling him that.  There’s one comment about how he should ask himself why this has occurred to him now, and if someone in the friend group is making him uncomfortable (no one is).  Another tells him to consider whether this is a situation of internalized homophobia or if he feels safer with straight people than gay people (he doesn’t think that’s it).  Another asks him if maybe he’s just not that into group activities, which is off the mark but makes him chuckle.

The response that resonates the most, though, that makes his shoulders relax and his nervous finger tapping subside, is this one:  Do what feels comfortable for you now, and stay open to other possibilities.  There’s no rule that you have to pick one way to be queer and stay that way forever.  Maybe next year you’ll decide to express your sexuality in different ways, or feel the need to meet more people.  If you are fortunate enough to have a few good friends, and someone who loves you, you’re doing just fine.

Patrick breathes deeply, thinking this through. It feels right. David stirs next to him.  

“Ready to go to sleep, or is there still a spreadsheet that needs your attention?”

Patrick hesitates for a moment, and then turns his laptop towards David, who props himself up on an elbow to read the screen.

“I was considering an LGBTQ book club,” Patrick says, as lightly as he can.  “Or maybe a bowling league.”  

“Ugh, please.  I know you’re just saying that to torment me.  Who came up with an activity that requires you to wear unsanitary shoes?”

“I think they’re cute.”

“You do not.”  David scrolls up to see Patrick’s original post, his eyes flickering over to Patrick’s face and back to the screen.  “I was in a queer book club for a while.  Mostly because Adrien’s caterer had a Cordon Blu trained pastry chef on staff.  Those chouquettes…” David lets out a little groan of appreciation.

“Did you like it?  The book club, I mean, I know you liked the pastry.”

David slings his arms around Patrick’s neck and looks at him steadily.  “Patrick, I ran art galleries in New York City.   I lived in Chelsea.  I didn’t need a book club to find my people.”

Patrick feels silly for a minute, remembering again how very different David’s life has been from his.

“But it was fun, on occasion.  When does it meet?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t get that far.  I wasn’t seriously considering it.”  Patrick pulls away from David, needing just a little less eye contact.  He slides down on the bed, and David follows, tucking his head on Patrick’s shoulder.

“Well, let me know if you change your mind.  I’ve exhausted all the reading material at the motel.  I wouldn’t want to risk our relationship by taking any more of those quizzes.”

Patrick’s brain trips over this for a minute.  “You’d want to come with me?”

David turns to him, and it’s clear that he understands that this conversation is more than just Patrick trying to decide what to do with his Sunday nights.  “I’d like to.  There’s a definite dearth of non-straights in Schitt’s Creek.  But not if it’s something you wanted to do for yourself.  That would also be fine.”  

It dawns on Patrick that maybe David could use more gay friends too, or pan, or just friends in general that aren’t his sister or Stevie.  And he imagines going to a queer group with David at his side, David’s arm in a fuzzy sweater wrapped around his own, David’s chin tucked over his shoulder.  He likes the idea.

Patrick turns and kisses David, his mouth lingering on his lips.  “I think that’d be good,” he says against David’s cheek.  “If we both went.”

David hums his agreement and kisses Patrick back, heating it up, his hands roaming around Patrick’s body in the way that never fails to turn him on.  Things fall away from Patrick for a while after that, as they strip off their clothes and press close, David’s naked body grinding hot against his under the sheets.

“I wondered about it too,” David says later, after they’ve caught their breath and nestled back together, sweat cooling on their skin.  “How Ken knew right away.”

“Yeah?”

“Mmm.  I thought maybe he saw the way I looked at you.”

Patrick can’t believe there’s enough energy left in his body to blush, but he knows he’s doing it.  He rubs his nose in David’s hair.  “Yeah?  How do you look at me?”

David laughs softly, digging his chin into Patrick’s shoulder.  “Alexis says besotted.  And she’s right.”

Patrick holds David tighter and kisses him again.  “The feeling’s mutual, babe.”  It’s love that’s changed him, Patrick thinks, as he drifts off to sleep.  And it’s changed David, too.   It’s shining out of them so brightly, it’s no wonder people can see it.

[jamielea81]

Conversations

Chapter 2

Description: You accompany your friends on a day trip to Animal Kingdom Theme Park where you meet Scott Evans by chance. This one afternoon leads to a year long friendship with both Chris and Scott over text messages and phone calls.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Cursing

A/N: Here is chapter two! Cast members are what Disney calls its employees. Italics are internal thoughts. Tag list is open, please send an ask if you would like to be added. Likes, comments, and reblogs are wonderful.

Chapter 1

When he added you on Twitter, that was strange enough. You could reason it out that he saw your name spread through the tagged post and he did it on a whim. Or maybe he followed a lot of people. But that one was easily debunked after a quick glance at his profile showed he only followed about three hundred people. Maybe he was just friendly in that way. A quick add here and you’d be unfollowed by Thanksgiving. There was no chance he actually liked you as a person. Right?

You hit reply before you could overthink it more than you already had.

Y/N: I’m not always grumpy, I’ll have you know.

Y/N: Are you guys still on vacation or back home?

When he didn’t immediately reply, you decided to put your phone away and actually go to sleep. You’d be bringing Jana coffee in the morning which meant you actually had to get up before noon.

Your alarm sounded at eight which it hadn’t done in at least a year. Since you worked mainly on assignment, you rarely went into the office until well past noon. Some days you didn’t even go in. You were a night owl, so unless there was a morning meeting you slept in. Living alone also brought less interruptions to your schedule. You’d been in your sleepy vacation style home for the last two years. Your father regularly lectured you on the importance of homeowner ship. Paying rent wasn’t doing anything to build equity. Blah. Blah. Blah. He was only looking out for your future, but between lectures about settling down and having a family, the house stuff pushed you over the top. You still weren’t sure where you wanted to end up, so buying wasn’t on the top of your priority list.

Florida really was a mixed bag. Between the retires that lived in Florida during the winter months, the tourists, the general crazies that you heard about on the national and local news each night, and those like yourself that were just trying to live your life, you never officially settled in. The ocean called to you, but the pricey lifestyle and fear of evacuating each year due to a hurricane did not. Being fifteen minutes from both the Disney and Universal parks would also be nice, but the traffic and long lines at Target were not appealing. You were currently living in a cute two-bedroom home fifteen minutes outside the parks bubble where life was a little more affordable and groceries weren’t inflated. It was still technically a vacation rental, but the owner liked the idea of having a long-term leaser. The fact that it had its own pool that you didn’t have to maintain was just an added bonus. Driving into Orlando wasn’t great, but at least you missed the bulk of rush hour by sleeping in.

You texted Jana to let her know you just pulled in to the parking lot. Balancing your laptop bag, oversized purse, and two coffees through a busy office rotunda wasn’t easy. Thank goodness for stylish flats. If you had to navigate in heels every day, you’d probably never get out of bed. God bless Jana. How she handled it, you had no idea.

The security desk knew you by name, but due to protocol, Jana actually had to sign you in. After exchanging a few good mornings, you set both cups on the desk and waited. Most of the time she was already in the lobby when you walked through the double doors. No doubt this was a form of punishment for not telling her about meeting the two boys from Boston. Not that you looked that up or anything. You totally didn’t Google anything that night when you got home. And she calls you the brat. Ten minutes later her smiling face walks out of the elevator and up to the security desk. She signs you in while you stare her down.

“Let’s go pokey,” she says before turning away from you, leaving you to carry your bags and both of your coffees.

You huff but manage anyway, making it to the waiting elevator she holds open with her hand.

“Did you know Phil’s wife just had another baby?” She shakes her head no. “Yeah, it’s their third. These are things I wouldn’t know if you didn’t take your sweet time signing me in. Coffee’s cold by the way,” you add for good measure.

“I already had some, that’s fine,” she said, one eyebrow pointed daring you to complain.

When the elevator stops on the twelfth floor, Jana gracefully exits on three inch heels, swaying her hips in the tight and posh pencil skirt with matching blazer. You get it. It’s a well-established law firm full of sharks all trying to get ahead. She exudes confidence. There are whispers of her making partner in the next year. At least that’s what Brooks has told you. Jana’s mum on the subject, not wanting to jinx or tempt fate or whatever.

You drop her coffee in the trash bin just outside the elevator doors and hurry after.

“Y/N! Nice to see you gracing us with your presence.”

Jana turns around to see Ethan’s predatory stare. You don’t mind it. Ethan’s a sheep in wolf’s clothing and has been coming on to you for the better part of a year. He’s good looking with his sandy brown hair coiffed in the front and bright green eyes. He’s up for partner as well. You know this because he tells you this at least once a week. He’s harmless and always has a kind word for you.

“Well, good morning to you too. Any word on getting partner yet?” you practically whisper. You have to give him something.

“Soon. It’ll happen.” He looks behind you and then meets your eyes again. “Here by yourself? Come to see me?” he asked.

You gesture behind him. “Nope. Just here to see my bestie.” You move past him, but turn your head to him as you do. “Have a good day, Ethan,” you reply.

Jana enters her office and closes the door after you enter. You take a seat in front of her desk as she walks around to sit behind it.

“Are you ever going to throw him a bone? Not that I want to see you with him, but it’s hard to watch sometimes,” she says picking up her phone, fingers moving quickly before setting it back down.

“Am I here to talk about Ethan? I thought I was here to beg for your forgiveness and tell you what happened,” you asked.

“Grovel first. Ethan next week,” Jana says with a smile. She taps her desk in a ‘speak now’ fashion.

Taking a quick sip of your coffee before setting it on her desk, you take a deep breath and lick your lips.

“Okay, so I found a table at Nomad, which was packed by the way. The sever was apparently pulling double duty as Mickey as she just never showed up. You know me, I was impatient and probably drew attention to myself with excessive eyerolls or whatever.”

Jana mouths “no way.”

“Anyway. Scott Evans was sitting at a couch across the aisle from my table. I didn’t know it was him until later. Apparently, I caught his attention, so he bought us both a drink and sat at my table. We chatted for a while, did a shot, no big deal.” You smirk and shrug a shoulder. Jana’s mouth is hanging open. “He somehow drags me to Everest and because they had a cast member with them, we got ushered right to the front of the line where I end up sitting next to Chris. That’s when I knew who I was with. Had no idea before that because I hadn’t talked to Chris at the bar. I thought that was the end of it until you mentioned the photo of me last night. I still hate that ride by the way.”

You down the rest of your coffee because it’s cold, but damnit if you don’t need the caffeine.

“Well, fuck. Who would ever see that coming? It’s a fun story you can tell at parties or I don’t know, to your best friend,” she said.

“Oh, I planned to tell Brooks at work,” you said with a grin.

“Wow. I’m really hurt,” Jana said while clutching her chest.

“You love me.”

“Hmph. Maybe,” Jana added.

You don’t check your Twitter account again until you get home from work. You don’t even want to utter the word Twitter or have it on your screen in case someone sees it and starts asking how you were able to sit next to a celebrity on a ride. You didn’t think anyone would have seen it anyway. No one outwardly admitted to being a die-hard Chris Evans fan at the Sentinel. At least not in the circles you ran in.

Grabbing yourself a beer from the fridge, you made your way onto your lanai. The weather had just started to become reasonable at night with temps dropping into the mid seventies after dark. Still warm, but comfortable.

Opening your Twitter app, you did indeed have a message from Scott.

Scott: I’m pretty sure you’re always sassy.

Scott: Nope, in Boston for the next week. Left the other night.

Y/N: I Hope you all had a good trip.

I mean really, what do you say to someone you just met?

You took the time to go through your follow requests, deleting every one of them as you had no idea who they were. Most likely they were only adding your because they saw that you were tagged in the picture. On the positive, Jana was smart enough to tag your personal account rather than your work account. Your personal account was one you made up in college and did not include your actual name. As hard as it is to keep your anonymity in this day and age, some things you could still keep private.

Your mail notification lit up on the app again so you clicked into.

Scott: Oh my god she’s alive. That was like a full day for you to respond to me.

Oh boy.

Y/N: Sorry. I’m trying to lay low after my Twitter kind of blew up.

Scott: Yeah, sorry about that. Didn’t see that coming.

Y/N: Not like you released the picture. If anyone is to blame, it’s the tequila.

Scott: It’s always the tequila.

 Your new formed friendship continued like that. The two of you messaging each other at odd times of the day and taking several hours to respond to one another. Scott was back in LA, putting a three hour time difference between the two of you. It wasn’t uncommon for you to wake up to see you had a message that came in at three in the morning.

It was just before midnight when you noticed you had a message from Scott.

Scott: It’s been a shit day.

It was only sent about twenty minutes earlier, which was pretty much a record for the two of you in seeing the other’s messages.

Y/N: Do you want to call me?

Crap! Why did I type that? He probably doesn’t want me to have his number. Twitter is one thing. A telephone number is too personal.

You wanted to close the app and get ready for bed, but you were worried that you’d miss a message from Scott in case he did want to talk. Not necessarily on the phone, but in direct messages. You did the only thing that made since, you walked around your house with the phone in your hand and direct messages open. This was your life now. Apparently. If it ever got out that you spent thirty minutes with your phone in your hand while brushing your teeth, combing your hair, removing your makeup, changing into pajama shorts and a tee, and prepping the coffee maker for the morning, you’d blame it on lack of sleep and the neighbor’s dog. When you were about to call it quits and crawl into bed, a message came through.

Scott: What’s your number?

So, we’re doing this.

You replied back with your number and waited. Deciding to crawl into bed in case he didn’t actually call you tonight seemed like a wise choice. The air conditioning was blasting as it always was because you needed to sleep cold, so you pulled your warm flower comforter up to your elbows and waited for a call from your acquaintance that was maybe becoming a friend.

To your surprise your phone did ring with an out of state area code. Answering it on the second ring you heard him sigh when you answered with “Hello, this is Grumpy.”

“Really? I’m the grumpy one tonight, we both can’t be,” he whined out.

“Fine. Fine. Hello, this is Sassy,” you said.

“Better,” he muttered.

“You know, I’m just going to enter you as Grumpy in my phone contacts now,” you said.

“I expect nothing less. You’ll just have to wait to see what I’m adding you as.”

“Why? Are you making a return trip to Florida so soon?” you asked.

“Nah. Maybe Miami, but I’m good on Orlando for a while. Just don’t tell my brother that.”

“And here I was going to invite you to my wedding. One less mouth to feed,” you said, him chuckling at your response. “Was even going to let you get the steak.”

“Wait. Are you really getting married?” He sounded surprised which you weren’t sure how to take.

“Do I not seem the marrying type? I know this friendship is new, but dude.”

“No. No. No. Don’t start that. I just meant that you didn’t mention anyone while we chatted. Just that you were there with friends,” he explained.

“Single as a bird. Wait, that’s not right. Free as a bird?” you laughed out.

“Got it,” he chuckled. “When you do get married, I will be attending.”

“Perfect. You’re back on the short list for steak as your entrée. Now, tell my why you’re having a shit day,” you asked.

 Two weeks had passed with you and Scott exchanging short text conversations each day. You took to calling him before you went to bed once or twice a week if you had a funny story to tell him. Eleven at night your time seemed to be the right time to catch each other. Besides, it was nice to head to dreamland with a smile on your face because Scott always had a joke.

Jana picked up on your happier mood after a week.

“What’s going on with you? And don’t say it’s nothing,” she demanded.

Picking up your pint of beer, you took a mouthful of the amber liquid before addressing her.

“So, don’t get mad.” She shook her head, resting one palm on her forehead. “Scott and I have been chatting. He’s become a real friend.”

You knew she wouldn’t be upset about you having a new friend, but you were worried she would be because you hadn’t told her right away. First you didn’t mention meeting the Evans brothers, now you were corresponding with one on the regular.

“Just like that? You meet the guy one time and now you’re friends?” she questioned.

“He DM’d me on Twitter when that ride photo came out and we just started chatting. It’s like how you and I text every day. It’s similar except I don’t see him because he doesn’t live here. It’s just nice to have a new friend,” you said shrugging your shoulders.

She laid her slender arms on the table, resting her chin on her down facing palms. “Does this mean you are replacing me?” she says with her bottom lip jutting out.

“Of course not. Did you not catch that he doesn’t live here?” Some days you couldn’t help but be a huge smartass at the expense of your friends.

Her head slumped forward even more as she let of a groan.

“Babe. You know you’re my one and only. I lub you,” you said with your lips puckering out.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

“Cah’mon, that’s it. Can you put the damn phone down for two minutes?” Chris asked.

Scott shushed him, placing his fingers in front of his lips, but eyes still locked on the phone screen in his other hand. “Give me a second,” he said.

Chris sighed and sat further back against the couch cushion in his living room. His wide stretched legs kicked out further in front of him, hitting the coffee table before pulling his feet back a bit. “Fuck. Ouch,” he muttered to himself.

Scott chuckled to himself as he typed out something before setting the phone on the cushion beside him. “Now, what do you need big brother?”

“I don’t need anything. You just seem to be more involved with your phone than the person your visiting,” he spits out, hand wildly gesturing in front of his chest.

Scott puffs out a laugh and shakes his head. He straightens up a bit and turns his phone face down. “Sorry. Truly. How’ve you been?” he asks.

“How’ve I been? Pfft. Really?” Chris asks.

Scott shakes his head in all seriousness.

“I’m fine. Just bored out of my fahckin’ mind, but fine.” Chris says, running a hand through his hair before brushing it back down. “Look, I know I said I wanted a break before starting up another project, but I just thought I’d have more goin’ on. Seems like everyone’s so busy all of a sudden. I can only get drinks with Frankie so many times before I want to check into rehab,” he said.

Scott laughed at his brother’s tantrum. “I get it. Wish I was around more. Maybe go back to Mass. Or go to Disney! M’sure I could get Y/N to meet you at Magic Kingdom,” he said.

Chris tilted his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “Who?” he asked.

“Y/N,” Scott said matter-of-factly. When the confusion didn’t wipe off Chris’ face, he closed his eyes and shook his head. “Y/N! The woman that you sat next to on Everest. The one in the ride photo.”

Realization struck Chris. “Excuse me. I didn’t remember her name,” he said.

“Ouch. I’ll have to remember not to tell her that,” he said picking up his phone to see a new message from you.

“What do you mean?” Chris asked.

Scott set his phone back down, turning his body to face Chris head on. “Huh?”

“You said you wouldn’t tell her that I didn’t remember her name,” Chris said.

Scott shrugged one shoulder, lifting up one hand in the process before plopping it back on his knee. “Yeah?”

“Wait a minute. Are you still talkin’ to her? How?” Chris asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“That picture. She got tagged in it and I happened to see it. Messaged her on there and now we talk. She’s frickin’ hilarious.”

Scott grabbed his phone again, scrolling a bit before flashing the screen to Chris. It was a picture of you with a woman next to you who had one of the overly large lollipops in her hand. Your mouth is wide open and your pretending to bite the large candy right out of her hand while she laughs in the picture.

A small smile curls up on Chris’ face but he shakes it away immediately. “Dude, you don’t know her. Ever think she’s just nice to you because of who you are?”

Scott rolls his eyes. “First off punk, she’s not like that. She’s pretty private. She didn’t know who any of us were until after you said your name on the ride. Secondly, she didn’t even ask for a photo nor did she try to keep hanging out with us after riding Everest.” Chris rolled his eyes this time. “Thirdly, I contacted her, not the other way around. And lastly, she’s a friend now, so just deal with it.”

Scott was right. You hadn’t behaved like most others would have.

“Fine. Whatever,” Chris said. “You can be friends with whoever you like.”

“Thanks, dad,” Scott said lamely. “Anyway, like I said, she’s great. Her Twitter blew up after that picture. She did a good job of locking her account down and ignoring comments. It’s hard to be pictured with the likes of you.” Chris chuckled and shook his head. “Smart that her handle isn’t actually her name. Crappy that her friend tagged her, but at least she didn’t tag her work one. Like I said, she’s a pretty private person, so she didn’t like the attention.”

Chris nodded his head. “Yeah. Glad it wasn’t worse for her. Think I should apologize?”

It was Scott’s turn to be shocked. His head whipping back and forth a couple of times eyeing his brother. “Okaaay. Not your fault, but maybe don’t add her on Twitter. That’ll just draw more attention. If you’re serious, I’ll give you her number,” Scott said.

“You know what? Never mind. Just tell her sorry for me.” Chris slapped his hands down on his jean clad legs before getting up and walking into the kitchen.

“Too late,” Scott called out. “I just texted you her number. Do what you want.”

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The Jonas Brothers’ concert was tomorrow night, so you were doing your best to get stuff done at the paper before heading home. You planned to sleep in extra late and get some errands done before heading to the venue. Your press pass got you into some reserved places at concerts, but it didn’t get you an interview. While you had been writing and covering entertainment for years, you were mostly known for theme park and tourism coverage in Florida. So, yes you could always land an interview with a Disney Parks or Universal Studios park executive, but other doors in entertainment weren’t flying open.

Grabbing your purse and zip file, you shut down your computer and pushed in your chair. Your phone dinged with a text message. It was probably Jana asking you to get her a t-shirt at the concert tomorrow. Fancy attorney or not, your friend loved a concert tee.

Once you arrived home, you put a frozen meal in the microwave and changed into a pair of sweats and a comfy t-shirt. Grabbing your phone out of your bag, you took a seat sat at your kitchen bar top to wait for your meal to be done. Opening your texts, you saw a new one from an unknown number.

Unknown Number: Hey Y/N, this is Chris. Scott gave me your number.

Unknown Number: Evans

Unknow Number: Should have typed that the first time. Just wanted to say I’m sorry that ride photo got out.

You dropped your phone out of your hand. It hit the quartz countertop hard which jolted you out of your daze.

“What?!” you yelled into your empty home.

It was crazy enough when Scott messaged you, but the fact that the two of you had drank together made this whole friendship make a tiny bit of sense. But Chris now? This was just not real. And it made you feel weird. On one hand it was nice that he reached out even though it wasn’t his fault at all. One the other hand, was this it? The one text and then you move on?

The microwave beeped at your harshly indicating your meal was done. Leaving your phone on the countertop, you moved to grab your food, picking up the hot plate with a potholder. You made your way into the living room, setting the potholder and plate on your lap. You picked up the remote for the TV, flipping through the channels and settling on The Golden Girls. Maybe a little Rose and Dorothy banter could settle your mind.

This was silly. You were going to text him back. Of course, you were going to text him back. You weren’t a rude person. This whole exchange didn’t have to mean anything. This would be a one and done conversation and to Chris you would go on being nothing more than Scott’s friend.

After scarfing down your cheese ravioli, you made your way back to the kitchen to clean up. You eyed the phone on the counter where you left it. You quickly scooped it up and plopped yourself back on the couch, opening Chris’ text again before you could change your mind.

Y/N: Thank you for reaching out, but that photo getting released was not your fault at all. I appreciate the gesture though.

You threw your head back against your couch cushion and groaned. Why am I responding like it’s a work e-mail?

You shot Jana a text to get your mind off of the message you just sent Chris.

Y/N: What size Jonas Brothers shirt am I picking up for you?

Your phone buzzed in your hand before you even had the chance to set it down, but it wasn’t Jana responding. Clicking the back arrow, you saw that Chris had responded.

Wait, he responded? Already? And at all?

Chris: I still feel bad that you were dragged into it.

Chris: Hope I’m not interrupting a Friday night out.

You chewed your bottom lip, trying to think of how to respond. Should you tell the truth that your life is pretty lame and you’re watching The Golden Girls? Did Scott talk about you to Chris? Maybe it was best not to lie.

Y/N: Just hanging out with my friends Dorothy, Blanche, and Rose.

Y/N: You’re actually saving me from another long drawn out story about Rose’s hometown of St. Olaf Minnesota.

Chris: I’m surprised your friend Blanche is home on a Friday night.

Y/N: Oh, you know Blanche? Is this going to become awkward?

Chris: 😂😂😂

Chapter 3

Tag list: @mustangshelby04 @bellaireland1981 @carolina-thiell @sullyosully @straightforwardly​ @torntaltos​ @denise1605​ @mcuclintasha​ @southerngracela​ @iam-cj @trynnabemultifandom​ @chrisevansforever-blog​ @kelbabyblue​ @broadwayandnetflix​ @kyjey​ @thevelvetseries​ @i-just-feel-like​ @daddieslittlefangirl​ @stankface​ @denisemarieangelina​ @im-not-an-armrest-im-short​ @whymalu​ @the-doctors-fallen-angel​ @mariswritingforfun​ @tessabb7​ @hista-girl​ @tanelle83​ @pinknerdpanda​ @allaboutthebooz​ @estillion14​ @panicfob​ @patzammit​ @heartislubbingdubbing​ @collinsstanharbour​ @twittytelly​ @thefandomzoneisdangerous​ @linki-locks11​ @mywinterwolf​ @ab-baybay​ @rda1989​ @impalaimages​ @jesseswartzwelder​ @rainbowkisses31​

[crossiantgay]

OK, THE FIC IS FINALLY DONE!

This is a logince fic based off of @mizsfathiful's post on instagram, which was based off the song "In Your Eyes" by the Weeknd!

Edit is also due yo @mellowscoffee who helped me edit this!

Anyway, let's get into it!

Pairings: logince

Words: 2.6k

Warnings: pining, overworking, repression (?)

(-----) 

Yet another family movie night had rolled around, and this time it was Virgil’s turn to choose the movie. Per denying most of his previous requests for being too explicit at 10:30pm, he eventually settled on Nightmare Before Christmas. Patton sat on the floor as he usually did, and Virgil was huddled in the corner. Janus and Remus were both not in attendance, though Roman doubted Virgil would have liked either of their presence anyway. Roman was lying against the armrest, despite Logan's protest saying he was going to break the couch and Logan was sitting in the middle.                           

           They were about halfway through the movie, Patton having already fallen asleep after not really enjoying it; particularly the boogie man. Roman’s boisterous voice rang out at ‘meant to be’, sending a particularly amorous glance towards Logan, who was finding it more and more difficult to push down the blush becoming apparent on his cheeks. He cleared his throat and focused his attention on the movie, and Roman’s smile fell. Roman pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in his chest. Virgil looked to the two, in slight confusion. The harsh light coming from the TV and the light above him dilated his pupils, making him look even more skeptical about what was happening.

 Eventually, Roman's curiosity got the best of him and he glanced over at Logan. He couldn’t help smirk fondly at the sight. It was kind of charming in it’s own right. The way Logan would grunt or grumble if something especially illogical happened. Like when the boogie monster first appeared. Roman watched Logan squint, as if he was trying to make sure he was seeing right. Oh my, he had been staring at Logan’s face for quite a while now. Surely that’s creepy. He'd just have to pray Logan hadn't seen him.

            The movie ended unceremoniously and without incident. Virgil brought Patton back to his room, leaving Logan and Roman on the couch. Roman stood up to go to bed.

“Specs, I liked hanging out with you.” Roman smiled a bit and offered out an arm. 

“Your attendance was pleasant, as well.” Logan looked to Roman’s hand. “I think I’ll stay down here a bit longer, I'll try to catch the end of the History channel documentary.” Roman put his hands in his pocket and nodded. 

“See ya, then.” The end of his voice fell flat and Logan listened as he heard roman’s very heavy footsteps head up the stairs. 

Logan replayed the events of that evening in his head. It was true, Roman was always flirtatious but was he being arrogant if he felt those comments were specifically targeted at him? No, it was completely conceited if he thought that Roman might like him. At least, in the way Logan did… 

The sounds of the documentary that was currently playing had long faded into background noise, providing as a backdrop for his wandering thoughts. Eventually realizing that he needed more data and overthinking this would lead to no clear end result, he shut off the tv; leaving the room in complete silence with only the afterglow from the TV lighting the room. He pulled some of the blankets down from where they kept them, making an improvised bed on the couch. He finally fell asleep, despite the swirling thoughts that would haunt him when he woke up. 

(----) Scene 2

            Because the living room was often lit by natural light alone, he woke up at the sunrise, much earlier than anyone else. He grabbed a yogurt--definitely not a suitable breakfast but he could worry about that later--and headed up to his room. He opened his laptop and turned on his desk lamp to dull the harsh light from the computer and started working. As odd as it was, he felt a strange solace in his work. It had a clear question and answer, it was not a game of trial and error that had devastating backlash if you guessed wrong; not unlike this emotional dilemma. There were also guaranteed steps you could take and plot out. It was reliable. Whereas humans were subjective and unpredictable, equations were a constant. The clicking of keys was more beautiful than any symphony, in his mind. The sound was also oddly therapeutic. However, no matter how focused he became, there was always a thought nagging at the back of his head. Glistening brown eyes, caramel curls. A boisterous laugh was stuck in his head like an earworm, echoing around his mind. 

He stared off to the side. The pestering thought just would not go away, and now he’d realized he had been holding down the “g”  for about a minute. He winced and began deleting the many “g”s. If he hadn’t have gotten distracted by thoughts of a certain side, with his perfect hair and beautiful voice, and a beaming smile that figuratively warmed his heart and- He groaned as he saw he had gone too far and accidentally deleted more than half of his paragraph. He hit the back arrow and tried his hardest to push out the thoughts of a certain someone.

It was only when he heard a door shut loudly outside his door that he bothered to draw himself from his work. He now realized the room was barely lit, the sun having set long ago. He checked the time and was taken aback when he saw it was just a few minutes to ten. Then that meant, he not only missed dinner but their daily meetup to discuss what they had done that day; which for Logan wasn’t much. He couldn’t manage to get past the first paragraph, hitting a figurative wall all day. Lucky for him, he was ahead of schedule.So this missed day of work didn't put him behind. He still couldn’t shake the dreading feeling of unaccomplishment, however. He yawned and his eyes flicked over to his bed, but shook his head and packed his stuff to sleep on the couch again, wishing to be rid of what had happened last time. 

~~~~

       "I'm sorry for any trouble- it just the AC broke in my room and your room is just so much colder and-" 

"It's fine, Roman. You can stay here, unless my room has any unpleasant effects on you" Roman smiled, clutching the throw blanket tighter. He kneeled on the floor, and Logan shook his head. 

"You can sleep on the bed, I can practically sleep anywhere" roman gave him an unsure look. 

"You sure, specs? I don't want you to be uncomfortable." 

"Don't worry, I'll be fine." Logan's smile was reassuring, and Roman's wavered at the edges. Within minutes, Roman was sound asleep. Logan was placing some blankets where he was going to sleep, and he heard Roman stir and mutter something. He looked up worriedly, thinking he had woken him up. However, roman had only rolled over, so he was facing Logan. Logan put down the blankets he was holding, a smile crossing his face. He slowly reached out a hand, and couldn stop the gasp that escaped his throat when his hand came into contact with Roman's caramel locks. They were so much softer and lighter than Logan ever thought they'd be. He slowly started combing a hand through Roman's hair and he swore he could see a smile flicker across his friend's face. At that word, his heart ached and Logan was snapped back to reality, realizing quite how weird this was. He stepped back a bit too quickly, and he saw Roman stir and pull his knees up to his chest, clutching the blanket tighter. Logan frowned and the guilt that traced his thoughts. He laid down, with his back to roman and fell into a dreamless sleep. 

        When Logan woke up the next morning, Roman was gone without a trace. Logan put the blankets he was using away and went over to make his bed, when he was hit by a fragrance. It smelled of roses and cinnamon and crayon wax, and so, so, Roman. Logan felt cold tears slide down his cheeks and he dropped the sheets with shaking hands. He fled from his room, shutting the door with a heaving chest. He wiped his eyes and sighed, trying to pull himself together. He didn't care how Roman felt about him, he just wanted this to all stop. Smelling Roman shouldn't have set him into such a state of- he didn't even know what that was. It was completely irrational and idiotic, and he just wanted it to be over. All this guilt and sadness and crying, oh god, he hated crying. He just wanted it to all be over.  

     ~~~~

          He was staring at the ceiling, at some ungodly hour of the night, wishing the neighbor's dog would just shut up. This was one of the bad things about being outside his room, he had no control over the environment. But he would rather have a barking dog over ro--that. He rolled over, pulling a pillow over his head. He heard footsteps enter the kitchen and the fridge opened. The lights flicked on, illuminating the living room slightly. He groaned. 

"Hey?" Luckily, it was Virgil. The footsteps grew louder and Virgil looked over him. 

"Why are you up so early?" He squinted "early?" 

"Yeah, it's 6:30. You look like a mess"

"I feel like a mess," Logan sighed. "didn't sleep" he clarified and Virgil winced. 

"Yikes. You should get some sleep" Logan rolled his eyes. 

"I'm trying, and failing miserably. Like everything else." He shouldn't be telling Virgil any of this; the lack of sleep had taken away his filter and the words were spilling out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

"You good? You seem a little-eh" he motioned a 'so-so',holding his coffee tumbler. 

"I am anything but good, fam.." Logan sighed and Virgil frowned. 

"What's going on?" Virgil set his coffee down and sat beside logan. 

"Everything and nothing at the same time" Virgil sat back. 

"Well that clears things up," There was sarcasm dripping from Virgil’s voice and Logan rolled his eyes. 

"My emotions are getting in the way of my work" Virgil raised an eyebrow. 

"Emotions?"

"Icky, romantic ones" Virgil snorted and  Logan hit him in the arm. Virgil put his arms up in mock surrender. "Ok, ok I'm sorry. Are you saying you have a crush though?"

"It appears that way, yes" Logan went to adjust his glasses only to remember they were in his room. 

"Well?" Virgil asked. Logan looked to Virgil, confused. "Who's the lucky guy?" Oh… Logan sighed. 

"And you assure me if I tell you, you won't speak of this to another person?" Was this a mistake? Should Logan be telling Virgil this? 

" 'course, specs. It's the bro code." Logan made a mental note to look that word up after he got some sleep. Virgil sat up with more interest, resting his forearms on his knees. 

"It's- it's Roman." A metaphorical weight was lifted off of Logan's chest, only to be replaced by growing dread. He trusted Virgil, but there was no guarantee he might tell Roman. 

"Huh. That's- huh." Virgil thought for a moment and Logan sat up on his forearms. 

"What do you mean by that?" Logan furrowed his brow, expecting an insult coming his way. 

“No, it’s nothing. Just try to get some sleep, yeah?” Virgil hit Logan a bit too hand on the shoulder and Logan winced. 

“You promise you won’t tell Roman?” 

“Yeah.” Virgil tried to make his voice sound confident, but it just felt shallow and that only fed Logan’s growing troubled thoughts. 

(-----) 

Logan had made it crystal clear he didn’t want Roman and that, frankly, hurt. It was a blow to Roman’s pride and made that hole in his heart only grow bigger. It made Roman mad, and upset and sad all at the same time. Lately, it had seemed he wasn’t good enough for anyone. Well, oh well, it was fine. He would just set his sights upon someone else, who actually wanted him instead of chasing something he could never obtain. And that, also made Roman upset. The fact that he couldn’t do something about this situation made him feel so out of control. He just needed to put this all behind him and be thankful he made this decision early before he was faced with the bitter sting of rejection. He walked into the kitchen to find Virgil working at the dinner table. 

“Intriguing seeing you here,” He stepped beside Virgil, trying to tame his unkempt hair. Virgil paused his music and turned to Roman. 

“Yeah, just needed a change of scenery” He shrugged. Roman leaned back on the table. 

“Hey, once you get a chance, wanna watch that new disney show, WandaVision?” He saw something flash across Virgil’s face that he couldn’t pinpoint in time. 

“Um, yeah, sure” He shifted. Roman bit back his excitement. 

“Just tell me when, I’m free like all of today” Roman laughed and saw a smile cross Virgil’s face. 

“Gotcha, princey” He gave a two finger salute and slid his headphones back over his ears. 

---

    He heard his door gently open and he turned around. 

“Wanna watch that show now?” Virgil asked as he slowly stepped into the room. Roman shut his laptop and hopped onto the bed, grabbing the remote. Virgil chuckled and sat beside him. Roman put on the show and propped himself up with two pillows and Virgil pulled his knees up to his chest so he could rest his head on his knees. He heard a laugh come from Virgil, turning towards him and saw Logan where Virgil sat. He heard Logan’s laugh, quiet and bubbly and saw the TV reflection on his glasses. He couldn’t stop a smile from crossing his face. He shook his head and turned towards the TV. Roman unconsciously started moving closer and Roman went to wrap an arm around Virgil’s shoulders only to have Virgil shift away. Roman felt like he wanted to cry. He instead fixated on the TV, in hopes that this picture-perfect romance on the screen would create one of his own.

---- 

    Virgil knew what was happening. Roman was still head over heels for Logan and was trying to distract himself with Virgil. He saw that gleam in his eyes that only shined when he looked at Logan, or how he smiled whenever a scene he knew Logan would like came on. He should feel bad for himself, that Roman was using him but watching the dorks pining for each other was more upsetting; and additionally nauseating. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Roman try to wrap an arm around him, and instinctively ducked. It was stupid to try to get in the middle of their romance, and he knew blantantly denying Roman’s attempts to woo him--that sounded wrong, they weren’t in mideval england--would lead him back to Logan. Who knew playing matchmaker was this easy?

----

    A few weeks after the incident with Virgil, Logan and Roman had to meet up to discuss plans for the new video. Logan’s sleep cycle was grossly out of whack, so 8pm was a good time for them to meet up. Additionally, Roman’s room had essentially become an oven at all other hours of the day, so it was the only time that really worked. Roman had repeatedly asked if they could do it in Logan’s room, but he denied, making up some poor excuse such as ‘it was messy’ or ‘the door was locked’. Roman didn’t want to pry, so he made do with his room. This particular summer’s night was humid, so the atmosphere was literally as thick as it was metaphorically. They sat in awkward silence for most of it, however Roman felt something in the air. The conversation thus far was excruciatingly dull, it actually pained Roman a bit. 

“So with our set budget, we only have-” Roman cut him off. 

“I tried to find love in someone else, but all I could see was you.” What. WHAT. What was he doing? Alarms were going off in his mind, but the words just tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself. 

“Wh-what?” Logan sputtered out.

“It was always you. Believe me when I say you're the one that was on my mind.” Logan looked up at him in utter confusion. At this point, Roman had said a figurative ‘screw it’. He sat up, sitting down right in front of Logan so their noses were almost touching. His eyes stayed fixed on Logan’s, almost as if he was searching for something. He brought one hand and Logan felt his face heat up as Roman cupped his cheek in one hand. 

“There’s something you’re not telling me…” Roman’s voice was soft, and almost out of touch. 

“What do you mean? Roman you-” Logan’s breath caught in his throat as Roman gently placed a finger on his lips, effectively shushing him. He brought the hand back down, but Logan still couldn't find it in him to speak. 

“In your eyes… I see there’s something burning inside you” 

With that simple sentence, Logan broke. He felt something deep down inside him crack, and shatter into a thousand pieces. Before he knew it, there were hot tears streaming down his cheeks. Roman gently wiped them away with one hand before pulling him into a one-sided hug. Logan’s glasses fell off in an attempt to wipe his face. 

“You always know just what to say,” Logan let out a hoarse laugh and Roman slightly smiled. “You’ve tried so hard to have me, and you had no idea how bad I wanted you. Instead I-I…” Roman traced circles in Logan’s back gently. 

“Deep breaths, love.”  Logan nodded and did so. 

“I just pretended like I was in the dark because I-I didn’t know if I could face the loss of losing you.” Roman’s expression switched to something Logan couldn’t quite pinpoint. 

“I would never leave you… you are my forever and always.” Logan 

“So instead I pretended like I was oblivious when I’d rather be with you… I-I’m blind.” Roman gently kissed him on the forehead and Logan dissolved into a puddle of his own emotions, arms wrapped around Roman. 

----

    The next morning, Logan had finally decided he needed to sleep in his bed; however this time there was a change. This time there was a very cuddly Roman tucked into his side, fast asleep. They should be feeling the sticky summer air creeping in, but for some reason everything felt just right. The boy cuddled into his side stirred and Logan combed a hand through Roman's hair. Logan made a mental note to talk about his feelings more. 

[staylovehearts]

Enough?

Lee Felix x Reader

Word Count ~3.9 k

Summary: You never wanted Felix to find out that the fans he loves so much can be so cruel.

Tags: angst, hate comments, self-doubts, Felix is an idol in this one, and you’re like his not so secret girlfriend, the company is chill but the fans aren’t, mentions of other stray kids members

It's a simple routine. As you unlock your phone you immediately swipe away about twenty different notifications from different social media accounts without even looking at them. You are not even sure why you even still bother with an Instagram and all of that. Maybe you should just go private again. Or delete everything. But that would feel like defeat. Like giving up. So instead you just try to not look at the mean words people are spouting at you on the daily. When it first started you still tried to report every single comment. Blocked every person who insulted you. But once the comments became too many to count you gave up on that as well.

But it's fine. Ignore them all. Swipe it away. Don't look at it. Focus on the nice comments. The people that spammed flame emojis under your recent Instagram selfie. The ones leaving nice comments and replies. Or at least those, that seem neutral. The ones that like to joke around or post memes. Damn, even the people that drop Loona fancams under your tweets are bearable.

But you can ignore them all for the sake of the one message that you actually want to read.

cuddly coala boy: are you going to be watching me later tonight?? i hope you're not mad that i had to cancel our skype date because of this :((

The text came at exactly 4:35 in the morning. Well, 4:35 in the morning in your timezone. That means for him it must have been... wait, what's the time difference again? Where even is he right now? You are too lazy to actually look up timezones right now to properly calculate the difference, but you decide to assume that it was a reasonable time. Well, at least you hope it was fairly reasonable. With the way his schedule works it's not unusual for him to send you messy texts full of typos past midnight when he is exhausted from a day of dance practice and vocal training and he just fell into bed after a quick shower and decided to send you a short text, already half asleep. It's also not rare for him to text you early in the morning. When he is on his way to his first schedule of the day. Early in the morning, but already buzzing with energy and excitement. Sometimes he'd send pictures of his breakfast and gush about the organic canteen. In summer he sent you a picture of the sunrise almost every morning. Because in summer the sun rises so early, that most people sleep through this daily spectacle of nature. But those that are woken up at five in the morning – even earlier on some days – never miss out on a sunrise. And you get to see those pictures of the sunrise in a different country, mostly after you've already missed the sunrise in your own location. Most of the pictures weren't even that special, some of them even too blurry to make out more than washed-out colours and the rough outlines of buildings. On some mornings the sky was too cloudy to show more than a lighter stripe of colour beneath a layer of grey and blue. But even on those days, Felix made it a point to show you the sunrise. And you have all of those pictures saved. Because you are just so goddamn whipped for this sunshine of a boy who sends you pictures of the actual sun every morning alongside a happy good morning text.

I'm not mad at all!! I know that work comes first, I'm sure we'll be able to make up for that skype date, have fun later, I might join when I have the time, but you know how the vlive times sometimes don't work with the timezones :/

It takes you a good fifteen minutes or so until you have finally typed up a reply that you are actually confident sending. You don't want to show that you are actually upset. You don't want to make him feel bad for having to cancel your plans. But it's probably obvious that you feel a little bitter about this. You were understanding the first few times this happened. And of course, you are still understanding. You knew that things would probably be like this. But it's becoming harder to hide your disappointment with every skype call that has to be moved to a different date. Every delayed reply. Every day that passes with just a few short messages being sent back and forth during water breaks.

But you know what you signed up for when you not only agreed on trying this long distance relationship, but trying it with an idol on top of the insane timezone difference.

Seeing the friendly kid you used to go to school with on television was already a weird experience. But finding out that he had become a K-Pop star felt like some kind of fever dream. To be completely honest you didn't even know what K-Pop was until you heard Felix – and his bandmate Chan – talk about it on national television. Your mother had called you downstairs in a frenzy to make you watch the special report. When you got there she was pointing at the screen excitedly, asking you over and over look, look, isn't this a boy you used to go to school with? Did you know that he's famous in Korea now? Isn't this crazy? You could certainly agree with her on that last question. To make a long story short, you spent pretty much the rest of that day – and most of the following week – researching every available bit of information about this K-Pop thing and the group your school friend was now part of. You listened to and downloaded their entire discography within one day. Watched every music video and memorised the member's faces within hours. And in the following days, you went through every vlive video and any other content you could find. Saying you were hooked would have been an understatement.

The thought of reaching out to Felix hadn't crossed your mind until maybe two weeks into your newly discovered obsession. It was a suggestion by a friend who you had a couple of courses together with. She had brought the idea up completely nonchalantly as if just hitting up a celebrity is a thing you do every other day. When you expressed that sentiment she just shrugged as if to say dunno, but weren't you friends with him?

Well, she wasn't really wrong about that. But she also wasn't really right. Sure, Felix and you went to school together. You had classes together for three years and you saw him pretty much every other day. But you were never super close to him. Felix was just that kind of person that everyone was on good terms with. He'd sit down at a different table at lunch every day, nerds and jocks were equally welcoming of him. Everyone likes having Felix around, but he wasn't insanely popular either. If someone would have asked about Felix the most common answer would have been something along the lines ah yeah, that guy, he's really nice, we don't really hang out outside of school though. That was just the kind of relationship almost everyone had with him, the kid you'd do group projects or share a lunch table with but not necessarily your first pick when you wanted to put together a group for karaoke that weekend. So Felix and you weren't really friends. You remember being in a group project with him once and for maybe a month or so he even was your lab partner until the seats were switched but that's pretty much it. Maybe you had a bit of a fleeting crush on him back then. Most girls had. The freckles dusting his cheeks and the big brown eyes gave him something adorable and his sunny personality matched that all too well. But back then as well you never considered acting on those feelings and years later you had almost completely forgotten about them altogether.

Tracking him down was hard, but easier than you thought it would be. Of course, the old phone number you managed to find in some inactive group chat didn't work anymore. And any social media you ever knew he had was deactivated. But somehow – through a friend of a friend of an acquaintance – you managed to get in contact with him again. And you immediately remembered what you had liked about Felix back then. Talking to him was as easy as ever. Somehow texting him didn't feel like talking to a celebrity, but just casually catching up with an old friend from school. Texting every once in a while turned into chatting almost daily. Then the phone calls started. Late-night rambling, one of you always tired from the time zone difference. The first face time call was an accident – at least that's what Felix told you – but the second wasn't. And neither was the twentieth. You've lost count at this point.

The status of your relationship with Felix has been a mystery to you for the longest time. It was clear to you that that little fleeting crush you used to have had come back at ten times the intensity and you were pretty sure that Felix must at least enjoy talking to you enough to stay up way past the time where he should go to sleep at. But even with mutual feelings, there were more than enough stones in your way. Him being a celebrity and the several hour time difference plus living in different countries are probably some of the most obvious trials.

Let's just say it worked... somehow. Is still working. Even if it's tough sometimes. You've seen Felix a total of three times since making it official and all of these were just for a couple of days at most. There's always schedules he has to attend, filming to be done. Your schedules don't match up at all, he has so little free time that you have no other choice than to arrange yourself around it. Make amends. Compromise.

That's not really the problem here. The official part of the whole making it official is actually the root of all evil. Surprisingly enough Felix's company actually allowed him to make an official statement regarding his relationship status and confirming that he was indeed seeing someone. Of course, you were never mentioned by name. But someone somewhere must have taken a picture of you and him meeting up that one time. And someone else must have somehow identified you on that picture and shared your Instagram. And twitter. And pretty much any other public social media you had at that point. All of that within an hour of the announcement being made. You never openly confirmed or denied any "rumours" - or maybe accusations is the more fitting term here – about you and Felix dating. But you didn't have to. They knew enough to hate you for "stealing" him away from them. Of course, not all of them hate you. Some are actually supportive of the relationship. Though that's definitely only because they support Felix and want to see him happy, not because anyone really cares about your hurt feelings here. Then there's also a couple of fans that just ignore the whole thing entirely. According to them, it's all just rumours and there is no way that Felix is actually seeing someone. Don't you know he's a sweet gay baby, uwu? He's actually dating [insert whoever they ship him with here]. At least these comments can be kind of entertaining to read. Sometimes. You've scrolled past entire think pieces and page-long analysis of the smallest interactions turned into super definite proof that there is more going on between those two band members behind the scenes. They are delusional, but at least they are mostly harmless.

And then there are people who just straight-up hate you. And maybe that group is not actually as big as it seems but they are loud. So goddamn loud. And they are mean. You have switched accounts, gone private, deleted and remade. Everything in a desperate attempt to hide from the comments. But they always find you somehow. There is no escape.

A new notification pops up on your phone, you try not to look at it as you delete it but you catch enough of a glimpse to get the gist of it.

You're not good enough... you don't deserve to be with him... you should just do him a favour and break up, he's probably just to nice to do it himself.

It's always the same, you've read it hundreds of times, in every possible phrasing and variation. The bad thing though, you're starting to believe that they might actually be right.

The vlive is happening around noon in your time, which is at least kind of reasonable compared to other times that you have set an alarm to watch some kind of stream or award show or anything similar. You actually don't really want to watch, at least not for your own entertainment. Watching these things for yourself has kind of stopped working after... well yeah, after all that's going on. But you know that Felix would be happy, knowing that you are watching him. So maybe you'll tune in for a bit during your lunch break. Just long enough to take a screenshot and send it to him alongside a short text telling him that you are watching the live and that you really aren't mad. You aren't mad. Just scared.

You click the notification as soon as it appears on your phone. One of the few notifications you are actually happy to receive. The app takes a moment to load and by the time the stream is actually playing it's already flooded with viewers. But the picture is not moving. Or at least the three boys in the frame aren't moving. But you notice something in the background, maybe some kind of curtain, being moved by a breeze. Still, the trio keeps up their game for another few seconds until they all break out into wide grins and start talking. Felix is sitting in the middle, wedged in between Jisung and Hyunjin. The three of them are sitting behind a table that has various playthings scattered on the polished hardwood surface. You spot a box filled with Jenga pieces, next to a card game and a rubik’s cube. You take a couple of screenshots and tap out to send one of them to Felix, of course he won't see it right now but you want to prove that you were actually watching live. When you open the stream again they are already building up the Jenga tower while joking around with each other. Even though you didn't plan to stick around you watch them play games and talk for a while. It's nice. You can almost imagine yourself sitting in a room with them, laughing, cracking jokes and enjoying yourself. You can almost imagine being this close to Felix. Both physically close enough to be in a room with him as well as close enough for him to introduce you to his friends and be allowed to hang out with the group. It's almost in your reach. Almost perfect. Almost.

Felix is messing with the rubik’s cube, trying to solve it after he has insisted for minutes that he knows how it's done, Hyunjin is stopping the time on his phone while Jisung is going through the comments. You yourself haven't dared to take a look at them yet. Even here you aren't save. Most of the time they are flying by so fast that you can't even finish reading one before the next one jumps into vision.

Where is-

can you say hi to-

omg i-

notice me ple-

Most of it is short comments like this, some are just emojis (mostly every different kind of heart there is), wild key smashing and a plethora of "i love you"s in different languages. But some stick out. Some are different. The username is the first thing you notice about that one specific comment.

felix's_girlfriend

When you first made your account you thought about claiming that name for yourself. Just as a joke. But it was already taken. And so was felix's_wife, ilovefelix, freckleslover or any other possibility you could think of. Even when you started adding numbers to the names you couldn't get them. There are at least fifteen people using some variation on Felix's girlfriend as their username. You stopped trying after that.

Jisung probably spots the comment about at the same time as you did.

"Yo, someone with the username felix's_girlfriend just asked when you will finally do a dance cover of the latest Twice song", he says. Or at least something along the lines. You practised Korean to be able to at least get the gist of what's going on when they are talking, but you can't always understand everything. But you sure do understand the way Felix's head just whips up. Like that of a puppy delighted to see its owner coming back home.

"She's watching?", he asks. This time you understand clearly. Jisung looks back at him for a moment, a mixture of shock and surprise on his face. Felix isn't supposed to talk about you. Not here.

"It's just that person's username", he answers, after a moment of silence. Felix's bright smile drops for a moment, but then he nods his head and laughs as if someone just made an amazing joke. The boys continue talking about the Twice comeback and other promotions that are currently going on as if nothing happened. Hyunjin rambles about Got7 while Jisung jokes about how Seungmin is probably really excited about Day6. But the people in the comments are not willing to let go of what happened quite as easily.

I hope that bitch just disappears someone writes. Felix should break up with her, she's not good enough. You can't pretend to not notice it any longer. And maybe the boys noticed too, at least they don't read out any other comments after that one. But you don't really stick around for that long after. You are clearly not welcome here.

The thing is, that you never wanted to drag Felix into this mess. Of course, he is already a part of it, but you didn't want to let him see all of the ugly things that they are saying about you two. Well, in the end it's mostly you they are mad at. Some fans have commented that they are mad or disappointed that Felix would date someone, but they don't say the same things about him that they say about you. And you're glad. You wouldn't wish this on anyone. Especially not Felix, who is always so bright and full of love for his fans. You know that he loves that. He's said it numerous times. And even when he doesn't say it with words, it's obvious. He says it with the way he always smiles and waves at the camera, with all that he pours into performances, with the energy and passion he gives. He loves them.

Felix has never said the l-word to you.

Your phone rings about three hours later. You are hesitant to pick up when you see his name light up on the screen, but you don't want to lead him to believe that you are mad at him or anything.

"Hey there, why are you calling? Isn't it the middle of the night where you are?" You try to make your voice sound cheerful. Like you are a little surprised that he is calling you at that time but all in all happy that he is calling you. Confused, but a pleasant kind of surprise. You're probably not all that convincing, but maybe it's enough since this is just a phone call. Not even video this time.

"Ah, I just wanted to check in on you", Felix replies. His voice sounds a little bit drowsy. A soft kind of deep rumble. Bedroom voice, but not the sexy kind. The soft I'm about to curl up and fall asleep voice. You've heard that before, fell asleep to that soft voice talking to you over the phone. For a moment you almost crack. You can feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but you blink them away quickly.

"Oh, I'm fine, just got back home a while ago, going to make myself some food soon. How was your day, did that live go well?"

"Hmm, did you watch it?"

"Oh, just for a bit. I was... busy." Somehow you feel guilty saying it like that. Sure, you did only watch maybe about half of it. You told him in advance that you probably wouldn't watch the whole thing. But you have a feeling that there is a reason he is asking. And you are purposely avoiding it. Felix stays silent for a moment, maybe hesitant to bring it up himself. And for a moment you hope that he just won't. That you can both pretend that everything is alright and just joke around like usual. When he finally does speak his voice sounds so sad.

"There were some... not so nice comments about you. Did you see them?"

You consider lying but you don't see the point in it. He probably knows that you have seen them.

"Yeah."

"Do they often say things like that to you?"

"... yeah."

"That's... awful. I'm so sorry."

You take a deep breath. You really never wanted him to find out about how cruel the fans he loves so much can really get. Of course he knew that not everyone approved of him having a relationship and of course he's seen some of the gossip articles that the tabloids write about you. But what the fans say behind the protection of anonymity is so much worse than that.

"It's not your fault", you mutter finally. You can hear Felix take a deep breath as well.

"You don't- you don't believe what they say, do you? You know that I would never break up with you just like that. You are enough. More than I could ever ask for."

You aggressively blink your eyes a couple of times and tilt back your head. You don't want to cry. It always becomes obvious in your voice when you start crying and you really don't want to worry him any more.

"I know, but it's nice to hear. Thank you."

There's noises in the background. Some loud clatter, like dishes falling over and then several voices talking over each other. You haven't thought about it yet but Felix must be calling you from the dorm. There is the sound of a door being opened, a little noise of surprise and then it's being shut close again. Probably someone looking for Felix.

"You should probably hang up soon", you mumble. Not because you want him to, but because you know that the longer this goes on the harder it will be for you to not burst into tears.

"I guess. I'll call you again tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, I'd like that very much."

"Great then... good night."

"Goodnight."

"Hey, (y/n), I love you."

"I love you too, Felix."

[tfw-needs-baby]

sam winchester | internet personas

based on my own experience. 

read on ao3? 

Sam Winchester and his brother stumbled upon fanfiction and the fandom a while ago. He swore to himself that he would never, ever go back and visit the crazy people that existed there. 

Well, sitting in his room in the bunker, he was bored and had nothing much to do because the supernatural had been pretty quiet for the past month or so and he was scrolling aimlessly through new articles and finding nothing. He doesn’t know how or why the idea popped into his head, but it came and he was curious at the time, so why not? 

‘Best places to’ Nope, delete that. 

‘Where to join a fandom’ Delete that too. That just sounded stupid. 

‘Fandom friendly sites.’ Yeah, that sounded about right. He clicked onto the first link, and it immediately brought him to a site called ‘Fandom.’ 

How ironic. Although it didn’t exactly help him much, it was just an explanation guide to their platform and what it had to offer. The rest of the links weren’t much help either, and he sighed. Alright, how to find the fans...wasn’t there something called livejournal? 

According to a couple of articles, old and inactive journals had been purged, but were still doing pretty well. And then, the Winchester searched up ‘best places to read fanfiction.’ 

A couple of suggestions appeared underneath ‘Popular on the web.’ 

‘Wattpad - tumblr - kindle words - deviantart - archive of our own - asianfanfics’ 

Huh. Visiting a couple of sites, Wattpad and Fanfiction.net and Archive Of Our Own popped up frequently, so he decided to visit Wattpad first. He went to browse works and choose fanfiction, and it brought him to a selection of hot and trendy stories with millions of views on them. Woah. It ranged from k-pop to a selection of animes to CBS shows and weird crossovers. The ‘x reader’ tag seemed very popular and he shivered, reminding him of Becky. 

Signing up wasn’t hard either. It had only taken him a couple of minutes. But when he was reading a selected few from the hot section, they didn’t exactly grab his attention. A lot of them seemed to be written by younger ten to fifteen year olds. They did have a large amount of potential and amazing storylines, he’ll give them that. 

Then he wandered over to Fanfiction.net. The sign up process was easy, but the site was a bit more historical and a bit more him. There were multiple forums, and he scrolled down and viewed a couple of them. Oh. They were similar to roleplay, but just - more building along a storyline with it, if that made any sense. The sign up was pretty easy here too, and he smiled as two notifications popped up in his gmail for both sites. 

Backtracking now, he went off to ‘archive of our own,’ nicknamed ‘ao3’ for short and a paragraph popped up and he skimmed through it quickly. It was just a warning that everything could be viewed by whoever and whatnot. The writing here definitely seems way more advanced, way more complex and interesting, with canon divergences going all out and unheard au’s. And the cliche plots we’re simply adorable. 

He went over to sign up, and raised an eyebrow when it stated that you needed to get an invitation, and all you had to do was enter in an email. And wait a day for an invitation. 

Hopping onto tumblr, he made an account quickly and started scrolling through it, and everything seemed different somehow. Like, more modern day than the last time he came to the page. The fandom had definitely become smaller due to a ‘nsfw ban’ and he couldn’t decide whether that was a good or bad thing. They had gifsets of memories that had happened about three years ago, with their final stand against Chuck, and he smiled as he went through year’s old blogs that never updated anymore, reblogging everything ‘Supernatural’ underneath the username ‘babytrenchcoatnougat’ and he started to tear up when he stumbled upon a post where they had created a small art of playing the rainbow slinky with Dean based on a gifset of a memory. He still remembers how happy Dean had been when he got it just for him, he played with it for the next week. 

A couple of week’s later, Sam want’s to do more than reblog and comment on content. Sam does have artistic potential, and he could definitely look into that. Although, writing seems easier at the moment, and he scrolls through an endless amount of fanfiction on archive of our own - ranging from major character death to general fanfiction - from his brother and best friend sleeping together to him turning into the boyking to high school universes to Apocalyptic worlds where they have failed.

He wants to write his own world, where they’re all happy and care-free and able to actually live happily, where no one he’s loved has died. Making a post on tumblr he states: By any chance, is there anyone on this platform that can help me with a non-romantic general Supernatural fanfiction?

He places a couple of normal tags that fit into the category, then presses post. About an hour later, he gets a reblog from someone called @ misha-moose-dean-burger-lover [and wow, that sounds like a handful] offering to help. 

I’m available if you need me to, @ babytrenchcoatnougat ; what’s the plot? We can discuss more in DM’s if you’d like! Besides, I’m free for the week, but if you need a beta reader I can offer a couple of people that I know. 

Sam sends her a message. 

babytrenchcoatnougat: can you give me some advice or writing tips if you have any? i'm not looking to make any implied romantic pairings in the fic

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: well, that depends, what’s the fic going to be about? 

babytrenchcoatnougat: i don't know yet, maybe team free will 2.0 just taking a roadtrip to nowhere without a destination in sight after defeating chuck?

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: eeeeee

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: that sounds like a awesome idea misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: you're definitely going to want to have specific destinations in mind, and only a hint of angst, and what they’re going to do at these locations 

misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: use transition words and make sure it doesn’t repeat often, descriptive details but don’t use it in every scene, and make sure there are frequent movements in the characters so they don’t sound so stiff, and make sure to slowly transition into the next scene, as time skipping to every scene will make the story seem boring. misha-moose-dean-burger-lover: make sure the characters aren’t ooc either! 

And so, Sam writes. He writes until his eyes hurt and he definitely needs some sleep, so he sends a quick message to a beta to read it over for him and they do, gushing about how the plot was wonderful and badly needed after all the terrible angst that occurred this season. He smiles, giving his thanks before uploading the first chapter out of 15, 13k words, onto ao3. 

[He checks over the grammar and tags over fifteen times.]

He can hardly contain his excitement, jumping around happily all day, even baking Dean a pie which makes him get sprayed with holy water and go through every test just to make sure he isn’t some supernatural creature. 

Later that afternoon, he checks his ao3 underneath the same username and finds out it’s gotten about 150 hits, and 38 kudos, which makes his heart swell. He’s also gotten a comment, and he presses comments eagerly. 

‘Kill yourself, psycho virgin fag.’ 

He re-reads the comment a couple of times, eyes tearing up and dropping his phone onto the kitchen table recklessly. What the fuck. Was his story really that bad? Did those people who didn’t leave a kudo really hate his story that much? Did the fans think his story was too child-like? Badly written? OOC? Do they really hate him that bad that he actually should commit- 

Sam breaks down right then and there, pushing his computer aside, placing his head down and crying softly. Castiel and Dean don’t find him until an hour later, and he’s still softly crying. They rush over to him, Dean quickly sitting to the right while Castiel sits to the left. “Sammy? What happened?” Dean asks, and the younger Winchester shakes his head. 

“N’thing.” He mumbles, and the older Winchester sighs. He’s just being stubborn, when he doesn’t want other people to worry about him, afraid that he’ll give them his problems. “Sam, please, if you talk to us, then we may fix the problem together. Remember, we made that promise two years ago, to be more open with each other.” The former-angel now archangel says, pushing Sam’s hair out of his face. Sam takes a shaky breath, pushing himself off the desk and grabs the laptop, opening it up to the recent fanfiction he had written, and Castiel and Dean both skim through it before Dean snatches the laptop. “Is this a fanfiction?” He looks at him as if he’s crazy, and Sam slowly shakes his head in agreement. Castiel walks over to Dean, both of them reading the first chapter silently, and everytime he glances over to see their reactions it seems unchanged. His brother probably thinks he’s weird, and Castiel is going to find him crazy-

“Damn, Sammy, you’ve got talent.” Dean says, and he actually sounds impressed. “W- what?” 

“That is incredibly written and a wonderful idea, I think we should go on a roadtrip ourselves,” Dean nodded in agreement. “Is this why you’re crying? I think this is perfect.” 

“Wait - you two do find it weird or anything?” 

Castiel and Dean look confused. “Why would you think that Sammy? I like it.” 

“You should uh - read the comment.” He says, and it takes the angel and older hunter a moment to find the comment section at the bottom, Castiel pointing at the button. Their faces turn into pure fury. 

“I’m going to smite them.” Castiel all but growls out, and Dean shuts the laptop closed. “Don’t listen to ‘em, this is fucking amazing, got it? I want the second chapter. Don’t listen to what anyone else says, they're probably jealous that we’ve got a New York bestseller writer and all they can do is write the abc’s.” Dean hugs his brother, Castiel immediately joining right in and Sam sighs happily. They stay there for a bit, muttering out a ‘thank you’ before jumping up slightly, seeing that he’s gotten two more comments on his fanfiction, and nervously opens up the comment section to see that a user called ‘quicksilvermalec’ writing on how much they enjoyed the fic and can’t wait to read the second chapter while an anonymous user has attacked the one that insulted him, throwing a whole truckload of insults and Castiel smiles. “They got what they deserved.” The archangel says, and Dean shouts ‘damn straight’ joyfully. “Would the two of you want to write fanfiction with me, then?” Sam asks while writing the second chapter about an hour later, and the unison ‘yes’ gives him a warm feeling in his chest. 

[niall-is-my-dream]

Power Over Me - Part Two

Thanks to @heart-attack-harry and @lizziespidiepridie for your help.

Catch up on part one below

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188083232033/power-over-me

"I wanna be king in your story I wanna know who you are I want your heart to beat for me Oh I"

3k words

Your eyes were struggling to open up this morning. Puffy from crying like a loser last night over a guy who is clearly an arsehole. Reliving the whole thing in your head had you pulling the covers up and hiding beneath them, wanting to hide away for the rest of your Sunday. 

But you knew you shouldn't.

Dragging yourself from your bed you managed to navigate your way to the bathroom, running the tap and splashing your face with warm water. Patting your face dry, you looked in the mirror above the sink and saw your face. 

You looked a right state. 

You needed paracetamol, a coffee and a two week vacation somewhere hot.

Preferably by yourself where you could wallow in your own self pity.

Sadly you'd have to make do with your sofa.

After making yourself a coffee and some toast you sat your bum on the sofa, turning on the tv and browsing the channels, you found some housey type programme. You know the ones where they want the cafe culture life in London but on a shoestring budget, then complain it's a two bed flat rather than a 3 bed house they'd dreamed off.

Well those twats can fuck off you thought as you switched the channels to an old episode of Friends. The One With The Prom Video, great. Basically the one where after years of lusting over Rachel, Ross finally wins her over by his sweet antics from when they were teenagers. 

A nice happy ending.

Well that can fuck off to.

You turned it off in the end, choosing to sit in silence and eat.

Your phone was on the coffee table with your bag and keys, exactly where you had left it last night when you'd got in. It had been ringing constantly on your journey home and the taxi driver had even commented about you not answering it.

After a quick text to Deo as promised to tell him you were home safe, you'd turned it off and left it. 

Now it was slowly torturing you.

A sucker for punishment, you moved to turn it on. The screen lit up and showed you how many missed calls, texts and voice messages you had.

A reply from Deo telling you to sleep well and to text him if you wanted to talk.

You didn't.

A couple from your friends who you'd been out with, asking you what was going on and that they hoped you were safely home.

And 23 messages from Niall.

13 missed calls. 

And 5 voice messages.

You didn't bother to read them and you hastily deleted them all without reading them. Same with the voice messages. Delete.

You didn't feel any better after doing it, the coffee and toast slathered in butter hadn't even helped how you were feeling. It wasn't a hangover or troubled night sleep that was causing you pain. 

It was your heart.

You were shamefully heartbroken at what had happened. Shameful because you had vowed since Lewis Burns broke up with you in Year Ten that you would never ever let a guy hurt you like that again. Granted you had been 15 at the time but it was a value that ten years later you still tried to follow.

Your heart felt heavy and it both scared you and annoyed you.

You just need some time to cool off and get over him.

Letting out a huge sigh you gathered up your plate and mug and took them to the kitchen. Opening up Spotify, you put some tunes on and started tidying up your flat. Washing up, making your bed, putting a load of washing in, it was all a distraction. A much needed one and it was working. When it was all done you grabbed your book and headed for a bath.

Throughout your day your phone beeped with messages, when you saw Niall's name you just deleted them. But as the afternoon went on, you opened up his contact and blocked him. Tears had followed and you ended up going to bed at 9pm. Your Sunday had turned out to be a quiet and lonely one, but something that was very much needed. 

Turning off your alarm the next day, you couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. But you had a meeting at 9am and another at 11am, and you had some prep to do.

The mornings routine was basically just going through the motions. You still felt like absolute shite, the heavy feeling in your heart hadn't even remotely subsided. After taking a hot shower you dressed and ate a quick breakfast, not even bothering to put the radio on like you normally did. Good luck to anyone who came in contact with you today.

The tube as usual was busy and you were squashed in amongst all the other commuters. By the time you'd arrived at your station your mood was getting worse. It hit its peak when you walked into your building and saw bimbo bambi on the front desk. She had a stupid smirk on her face that was definitely aimed at you as you walked past her. 

Luckily she had been on the phone and hadn't been able to speak to you. You were in no mood to be dealing with her high pitched squeaky voice this morning. How in the hell she had got the job as receptionist at the Recruitment Agency you worked at you will never know. You got the impression she couldn't even spell her own name. Which was Nina by the way. Bimbo bambi was just a nasty, horrible nickname that you and Annie from the second floor had come up with. Bullying wasn't something you condoned, but she didn't know that was her nickname and so she couldn't be offended if she didn't even know it. You were always polite to her and smiled nicely whenever she interacted with you. But she was definitely not a friend of yours and would never be one.

The reason behind her smirk became apparent when you saw the huge bouquet of flowers on your desk when you walked into your office.

Pausing in the doorway, you didn't want to go over to them. A few faces of your colleagues were smiling at you. Jack the office playboy was the first to speak, asking you who your new fella was. Choosing to ignore him, you walked to your desk dumping down your bag and looking at the arrangement.

The bouquet was beautiful, a mixture of light pink and cream flowers. A sealed note was attached to the cellophane wrap. Looking around as you opened it, a simple message was written.

Please can we talk x

Shoving the card in your bag, you didn't have time to even think about it now. You had a meeting with a company about helping them with recruitment in exactly 28 minutes. A large coffee was needed and you needed to gather all your prep together.

Dwelling on the card and over thinking about it would have to wait.

********

Your 9am meeting went well and you were back at your desk finishing the prep for the next one when your work phone rang. Seeing it was the reception office you let out a frustrated sigh before putting on your most polite voice.

"Hello?"

"Elizabeth, You have a visitor?" Nina said.

"Oh they're early." You replied looking at your watch and seeing 10:35am.

"No, it's not your next appointment."

Your heart sank.

Please no.

"You didn't tell me you were friends with Niall Horan?!" She whispered excitedly down the phone.

"Well it never came up in conversation." You replied quickly. "Please tell him I'm super busy and that I have a meeting at 11."

"Oh ok, will do." She replied, and you hung up before she could answer any further.

You were fuming, first the flowers then turning up at your work. Did he think that was the way to get you to listen? Well he was sadly mistaken.

Running your fingers across your temples you willed the anger to go away. You still had work to do. You'd managed to distract yourself this morning with the potential business that your meetings could secure. Letting him get into your head was not needed right now.

Breathing out a massive sigh, you looked up at your computer to continue answering some emails. That's when you saw him. 

Strolling through your floor coming for your office, attracting the attention of every single person. His casual attire of dark jeans and blue t-shirt being the biggest factor.

Fuck he looked so good.

His face was unreadable, something that was strange to you considering you'd known him 6 years. You had always been able to read him. 

But not today.

You stood up from your desk as he strolled into your office, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Niall...."

"Why haven't you answered my messages?" He asked you bluntly.

"Because I didn't want to." You replied in the same manner.

"You've not even read them, and the last ones I've tried to send you bounced back. Have you blocked me?!"

"Yes, and yet you still didn't get the hint." You said as you gestured towards the flowers.

"I just...... " He began but you cut him off.

"Look Niall, I can't do this right now. I have a meeting in 15 minutes to get ready for. To be honest I don't even want to have this conversation with you at all."

You were being rude now, desperate to save face. Your heart was pounding in your chest, it ached to reach over and touch him, but you held back when you remembered Saturday night. His cocky behaviour had infuriated you, but his lost looking face right now was making you feel guilty. But only for a split second before you remembered how hurt you were, how embarrassed and ashamed you'd felt.

Holding back the tears was becoming harder and you really needed him to leave before he saw how broken you were. The tough exterior you were trying to show him was crumbling.

"So, you don't even want to talk to me about what happened?" He asked you his voice calm.

"No."

This was a lie, well sort of. You did want answers from him but not now. You weren't ready.

He shook his head and started to look annoyed which infuriated you even more. He had no right coming into your office, surely the ignoring his calls and messages was enough of a hint for him, but apparently not.

You'd have to have a word with Nina in a subtle way to get her to actually listen to you when you need someone to go away.

"This isn't over." He said as he left.

"It never started." You replied.

**********

The second meeting had been ok, luckily it was a meeting with a client already on your books, because your mind had been elsewhere. 

Niall strolling into your office was not something that you had even been remotely prepared for. Seeing him had effecting you far more than you had thought. It was a silly crush and you needed to get over it.

It would be easy, he travelled a lot and he had a lot of friends. You were sure you could dodge seeing him, you'd probably lay low for a few weeks and avoid the dreaded conversation with your mutual friends.

Willie's voice asking Niall what the hell he had done to you, was still stuck in your head, he had messaged you today asking if you were ok. Willie had taken on the big brother role in the group and as one of the youngest you had been happy to have him care and support you. Deo had sort of become the annoying brother, but he had shown his caring side to when he helped you in a taxi on Saturday night. Neither had pushed you to talk and you appreciated it.

As you had got into the office early that morning you decided to head off at 5. Your head was still pounding and after taking some painkillers you tidied away your desk and grabbed your bag.

Nina was sitting at her desk on reception when you went past.

"I'm heading off now Nina so if anyone calls they will need to leave a message." You informed her.

"Got dinner with a certain someone?!" She replied with a wink.

God she was annoying.

"Not that it's any of your business but no."

"Oh it's just he's been outside in his car for the last half an hour."

"What?"

"Niall Horan." She said continuing to smirk.

"Spreading gossip isn't tolerated here. And not following orders from me when I ask not to be disturbed while I'm prepping for an important meeting is also a problem."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know, but Niall is my friend and he's incredibly private. Please don't start making something out of nothing." You replied, defending him. He might have pissed you off, but you couldn't help but be protective.

"I am really sorry, I wouldn't spread gossip I promise. And I'll follow your orders about visitors from now on." She replied looking absolutely petrified of you.

"Thankyou, I'll see you in the morning." You said.

She mumbled a nervous goodbye as you left the building. You spied his car out the corner of your eye, what was he thinking hanging around waiting for you?

Walking quickly in the opposite direction towards the tube station, you hoped he hadn't spotted you.  

But of course he fucking had.

He called out your name, but you headed down the street winding in between the crowds. You knew he wouldn't follow you, wouldn't risk being seen chasing a woman down the street. In today's world, cameras were in your pockets and footage could be uploaded online for everyone to see in seconds.

He definitely wouldn't do that.

You reached the tube station, swiping your oyster card you made your way through the station to your platform, breathing a sigh of relief at having avoided him again.

The walk back from the station wasn't long and you called into little Tesco Express to get a microwave meal and a bottle of wine. You definitely couldn't be bothered to cook tonight. It when you were approaching your building that you saw his car in the car park.

Fuck.

You managed to avoid him and sneak around the back. There were two entrances to your block, accessing the way through the gate and the shared garden, you let yourself in hopeful that he hadn't seen you.

But it didn't matter, he hadn't been waiting in his car. He was waiting at your door.

Your heart sank.

After a rollercoaster day of emotions and a heavy workload you could cry just at the sight of him. You didn't have anymore fight in you to argue and you knew you'd crumble. 

The sight of him leaning against your door, knocked the breath out of you. His face looking straight ahead, the sound of you walking up the steps caused him to turn.

His face once again had that annoyed look, and you couldn't believe the cheek of it. How dare he look annoyed after how he had behaved.

Walking up to your door, he didn't move. Your eyes met his and the annoyed look was gone, replaced by one that was pleading with you. He knew you'd ask him to leave and he would fight you until you agreed to hear him out.

Moving closer to him, you were just inches away as you raised your right hand above his shoulder and put your key in the lock.

"Please talk to me. Let me explain." He whispered.

Your body betrayed you as your eyes filled with tears.

Turning the key, you unlocked the door and moved sideways to get around him. He was right behind you, walking into your flat as you were taking the key out the lock. Strolling in like it was perfectly ok to do after everything that had happened.

Shutting the door, not acknowledging him you put your shopping bag on the side. Carefully taking out your meal and your wine. You could sense him at the doorway as you took off your coat and sorted out your bag.

"Are you going to let me explain?" He asked his voice calm and low.

"Doesn't look like I have any choice does it?!" You scoffed aware that he could probably hear the way you were choked up.

"Why are you being like this?" He asked you.

"Like what Niall? An arsehole? Not nice is it?" You replied allowing your face to be seen, no longer hiding behind your long hair.

His eyes widened when he saw your face and upon hearing your words.

"I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter."

"It does matter. I'm not good at this."

"Good at what exactly?"

"Talking about this sort of stuff."

"Then why are you here, why have you been messaging me, coming to my office and waiting outside my work? I specifically told you I didn't want to talk to you. Did you not listen or are you just trying to humiliate me even more?"

Silence.

You couldn't even look at him, choosing to walk past him and out to the hall, hanging your coat up on the hook on the wall.

"I think you should go." You said, eyes brimming with tears. You knew he was right behind you and you couldn't bare to turn around and face him.

"Not until you've let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain, it was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. Done. Now you can go."

"Elizabeth."

"No, I can't deal with you right now. Please just go." You begged.

"I didn't mean to leave that night, I don't know why I left you to wake up alone."

You moved towards the door, opening it, unable to bare being near him. His scent was invading your senses and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Let me know when you figure out why you did." You said and he moved towards you.

Your eyes couldn't meet his as he looked at you before walking out the door.

Part Three

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188384634468/power-over-me-part-three

[tylerkateowens]

discoveries ch. 2

Thank you guys so much for the turn out for the first chapter! You guys were so nice with your comments, and I couldn’t wait to write more. This time it’s Angela’s turn to find out the secret, and I’m so happy with how this turned out. I’m hoping to get another chapter finished before I have to go back to work on Thursday! Hope you all enjoy!! And don’t forget! I’m pretty much always taking prompts :)

Also on: AO3 | FF.net

the best friend

Tim was running late, and if were anyone else, Angela wouldn’t be so worried. They had been running together every Saturday morning since Isabel had gone into the rehab and recovery center, and even when he didn’t feel his best, Tim was always at least on time, or more often than not, he beat her to their usual meeting spot. Maybe traffic is just worse this morning, Angela reasoned, though she knew it wasn’t true. The trail they ran on was outside the bustle of the city and not far from their respective houses. She thought about the date and couldn’t think of any significance as to why he would be running behind. Worry wasn’t usually her go to, and if something bad had happened, Tim would have called her, but when fifteen minutes turned to thirty, it was hard not to. It was a long shift yesterday. Maybe he overslept. She gave him another ten minutes to show up, and when they passed with no sign of him, she got in her car and headed in the direction of his house.

As she drove, Angela told her phone to call Tim. When the call went straight to voicemail, her brows furrowed more in confusion. Tim never let his phone die, and he never turned it off. Something bad was up; she could just feel it in her gut. Her mind wandered to the worst possibilities of Tim injuring himself home alone and not being able to reach his phone or a break in gone bad. She nixed the latter option; the idea of Tim being caught off guard by a burglar making her chuckle. Though, not answering his phone and being obscenely late by his standards was also out of character. When she pulled up across the street from his house, his truck was parked outside the garage and the front door was shut; nothing seemed out of the ordinary. She was starting to think oversleeping was the culprit more and more.

She knew where he hid his spare key, walking over to the post on the far side of his porch, moving the thermometer sensor to the side, the key nestled into a hole drilled behind it. Taking it in hand, she walked to the door and opened it as quietly as she could, closing it just the same once she was inside. Angela planned to secure his off duty weapon, then give him the rudest awakening she could think of for making her worry and wait so long. Making her way to the kitchen to get a bowl of cold water, Angela stopped in her tracks when she saw none other than Lucy Chen in the kitchen, dressed in an oversized Rams t-shirt and leggings, making breakfast. Lucy must have heard her. 

“That was fast. What did that little perv have to say for—” Lucy said, cutting herself off when she turned to see Angela standing there. Her face paled immediately. “An-Angela… I can explain.”

Angela couldn’t help but laugh at the situation. “I’ll bet you can.” Motioning for her to come up with whatever lame excuse she could, Angela crosses her arms, looking on amused.

“I’m…house sitting for Tim. He had to go out of town unexpectedly after his shift last night. Said he needed someone to keep an eye on the place.” Almost as if to help her out, Cojo came bounding in the kitchen, sitting at her feet. “And Cojo! He needed me to watch Cojo.”

Angela gave her a smug face, looking her up and down. “Uh huh. And is that your Rams t-shirt?” She asked, trying not to laugh even more at her friend’s lame excuse. They both knew whose shirt Lucy was wearing.

Lucy’s eyes widened as she looked down, as if completely forgetting that she was very obviously wearing Tim’s shirt, before she looked back up, trying to remain calm. “Oh yeah. I love me some football.”

Nodding her head slightly, Angela continued to try and go along with it for as long as she could without breaking. “Oh yeah? Who’s their quarterback?”

Angela could almost see Lucy think, oh shit, cogs turning behind her eyes as she tried to remember any team member that Tim might have mentioned in the last year and a half. She could see a vague idea come to her head. “Golf…”

Angela was ready to burst into laughter when the front door opened and shut loudly. She couldn’t wait for Tim to walk in and watch him squirm, too. They both heard his keys hit the bowl by the door. “I talked to the kid’s dad, and he’s not happy. I watched the kid delete the pictures myself. Heard his dad yelling as I walked out the door.” He had bypassed the kitchen and gone to the bedroom, obviously thinking she was still there. “Lucy?”

“In the kitchen,” she said with a squeak, leaning over the counter and putting her head in her hands.

“Are you okay? I promise I’ll get better blinds for the bedroom,” Tim said, seeing her distressed before his attention was pulled to the person on the other side of the kitchen, stopping him in his tracks. “Shit.”

“Shit is right. You were supposed to meet me at the trail an hour ago,” Angela said, holding up her watch. “I thought something bad had happened to you! You could have at the very least called to say you’d be late or that you weren’t coming at all.” She looked back over to Lucy before giving Tim a smirk.

“I forgot to charge my phone last night, and we’ve had a very dramatic morning.” Tim began to defend himself, before he stopped, looking back between the two women in his kitchen. “Wait. Why are you freaking out more about me being late than finding Lucy in my kitchen? You’re oddly calm about this.”

“Oh this? I’ve known about you two for months.” Angela looked at him as if it were obvious. “Actually, I think I’ve probably known since the beginning. It was the night Lucy found out you and Rachel had broken up. I mean, I knew it was only a matter of time before you two slipped up. Just never thought I’d walk in on anything.”

Lucy’s head popped up from where it had been resting in her hands. “Since the beginning? How the hell have you known that long?”

—

“He’s not out there yet, Mamá.”

“Well keep looking, mija! He’s out there every single day, without fail!” Her mother yelled from the kitchen. “Él es asqueroso!”

Angela rolled her eyes and looked out the window of her mother’s house, keeping a close eye on her neighbor’s house across the street. According to her mother, the neighbor would watch people from his window, his porch, his garage, occasionally even having a camera, taking pictures of especially the younger women around the neighborhood. Her mother didn’t have enough evidence to officially call the police yet, which Angela knew was why she’d been lured under the false pretense of a delicious breakfast to spy on said spying neighbor. Angela could feel her eyes rolling involuntarily as she continued peeking out the blinds.

Her mother came padding into the living room, steaming coffee cup in hand. “Just the way you like it.”

She couldn’t help but smile lovingly, taking the cup from her and taking a sip. Store bought or not, no one made anything quite as good as her mom. “Thanks.”

Pulling the blinds up just enough to be able to see unhindered as she took a seat next to the window, Angela spotted something else that caught her attention immediately. Just barely down the street sat what looked to be Lucy’s car. The young officer had left the bar in a hurry the night before after she’d accidentally let it slip that Tim had broken up with Rachel months ago. It wasn’t fully her fault. How was she supposed to know Lucy had no idea? Tim had rushed out not long after her, muttering a sarcastic thanks in her direction as he stomped toward the door. She had tried to call Tim to apologize, but every time she called, it would ring once before being sent to voicemail. She had sent Lucy a text but hadn’t received a reply from her either. Neither seemed to want to talk, and she understood that. It was curious to her that Lucy’s car would be parked on this street; Angela knew where she and Jackson lived. It was at least four blocks away, if not more. With Lucy’s luck, her classic car had broken down once again, leaving her to walk home.

Angela had other things to do than worry about than the two of them, though. Her mother needed her to keep an eye out for a supposed Peeping Tom, and that’s what she was trying to do before a familiar truck came up the road, pulling to a stop behind Lucy’s car. Not a couple of seconds later, Lucy appeared from the passenger side, laughing joyfully, wearing the same clothes from the night before. She moved to her car, unlocking the door and leaning in to pull the hood latch. A moment later, Tim stepped out of the driver’s side, tool chest in hand, to look under the hood. The biggest smile Angela had ever seen on him graced Tim’s face as he said something to Lucy that she couldn’t make out. Someone who didn’t know the pair would think they had just made up from the night before, but Angela knew better. The two had been dancing around each other long before Tim stopped being Lucy’s TO.

Tim sauntered up to Lucy, leaning down as Lucy wrapped her arms around his neck, giving him the best kiss possible when both parties couldn’t seem to stop smiling. If she’d seen two random people on the street being so affectionate, Angela would probably pretend to vomit. However, knowing the pair as well as she did, and the hardships they’d both gone through, together and apart, Angela felt her chest warm at the sight. They looked as happy as any couple she’d ever seen, and if anyone deserved some happiness, it was those two. Watching the two of them together, Angela decided she’d keep their secret for as long as they needed, even if they had no clue she even knew in the first place.

—

“Gotta be honest, though. I’m surprised you haven’t been caught by anyone else yet. I mean,” Angela chuckled, “you two are about as subtle as a brick to the face. It’s a good thing you don’t work around a bunch of detectives. Oh wait.”

Tim rolled his eyes, half sitting on one of the barstools next to his kitchen island. “We’re extremely professional at the workplace. This doesn’t get in the way of us doing our jobs. Ask yourself if you hadn’t known before, would you have guessed we were together.”

Angela knew the answer; in fact, she had been rather impressed with how professional they had kept themselves on the job. There had been several times in the last few months where one was in a sticky situation and the other wasn’t there to be their back up. They always kept to the priority of life code, looking out for civilians before themselves or others. “You’re right, but that doesn’t mean you can start to slack off.” Turning to Lucy, pointing to her and making her stand up straight. “You have only been a PO II for eight months. Dating a superior will haunt your career if you don’t do this the right way.”

“I know, and we have a plan,” Lucy said, walking over to Tim, moving under his welcoming arm to form to his side, like that was where she belonged. “Plus, he’s kind of worth it.”

Tim made a face at her, trying to hold back a laugh. “Only kind of?”

“I gotta keep your ego in check somehow, mister,” Lucy replied, her face practically glowing.

Angela couldn’t help but grin at the two as they basically forgot she was there. She knew how much the both of them had been through before coming together. It warmed her heart that the two could find happiness in one another after so much darkness and heartache. “You guys are so sweet, I could puke,” she joked, breaking their little moment.

“Tim Bradford is not sweet,” he countered, giving Angela a pointed look.

Lucy rolled her eyes, her hand resting at the bottom of his neck. “Yes, you are. Shut up.”

Tim started to open his mouth to say something before Angela cut him off. “As much as I’m sure this is going to turn into a tooth-rotting cute moment, I’m still going for a run. You’re still welcome to join me. You, too, Lucy, if you want.”

Lucy waved her off. “No, no. You two go on ahead. I need to go home and do laundry anyway.” Before stepping away from Tim, she leaned down to plant a kiss to the corner of his mouth, leaving Tim grinning at her. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” With that, Lucy grabbed her bag from the rack behind the door and gave Cojo a rub between the ears before closing the door behind her.

Angela turned to Tim, unable to stop her laugh at the smitten look on his face. “Damn, Bradford. You’ve got it bad.”

Tim looked back at her, shaking his head as he chuckled, standing from the stool. “She’s pretty great.” He knew he was unable to deny how he felt, seeming almost relieved not to have to hide it from another person. He turned to her, looking on sternly. “I trust I don’t have to ask you to keep this a secret?”

Angela shook her head, smiling happily at her friend. In some respects, he was her best friend, and after everything he had been through with Isabel and that heartache, she only wanted the best for Tim. She hadn’t been blind to the changes in Tim since the day she saw him kissing Lucy. He was less aggressive, wasn’t as quick to anger, and was even more considerate and sympathetic on the tough calls. “I’ve kept your secret for six months, Tim. I’m not about to blow it for you now. I take it she’s why you decided to not be a TO for this round of recruits.”

Tim shrugged, rubbing the top of Cojo’s head as he walked over at sat at Tim’s feet. “That’s part of the reason. I wanted to be able to have her back when I could. I also didn’t want to start teaching another rookie only to have a sergeant position open up and have to stick them with someone else.” He walked over to his fridge then, grabbing the bottle he took on runs beginning to fill it.

“That’s fair,” Angela replied before her voice got serious. “I’m sure I’m beating a dead horse. I have to warn you, though. I wouldn’t be doing my job as either of your friends if I didn’t. If it comes out before it’s appropriate, it’ll haunt her career. It may not follow you around, but it will follow her, no matter how you try to spin it. So, just be careful.”

Tim finally turned around, taking a sip of water. “That it?” He asked casually. He was letting Lucy’s words from earlier answer for him. You don’t have to worry about us, his eyes said.

“Pretty much. That and I’m happy for you two. You guys seem genuinely happy together. You both deserve it. Now,” Angela finished, rattling her keys in the air, “let’s go for that run. I’ll drive.”

Tim shook his head, chuckling at her as he followed her to the door. “I’m capable of driving myself to the canyon.”

“I don’t know about that. You might accidentally take a wrong turn and end up at Lucy’s place,” Angela jabbed, waiting for Tim as he licked his front door behind them, unable to hold back teasing him now that it was out that she was in the know. “By the way, what was the talk of a perv when I walked in?”

Tim shook his head, huffing in anger. Taking a seat in Angela’s car, he pulled a little too hard on the seatbelt, making it lock up. “The neighbor’s son was taking pictures of us through a broken blind on our bedroom window while we were…”

“Got it. Say no more,” she laughed, waving her hand at him before starting her car. Then his words registered even more. “Our bedroom? Damn, Bradford. You’ve got it bad.”

[whomstism]

George rambles a little bit about a job interview he had, RV Life, The Gorilla glue girl and now the Gorilla glue solo cup guy, and the 117 year old lady that survived covid ---------------------------------- --- Support this podcast: https://anchor.fm/the-whomst/support

_________

(Rough unedited Transcript of The Whomst Podcast Episode 129 )

Hey what's up everybody welcome to the homes podcast episode 129 I randomly checked a hundred episodes ago around like 28 to 29 and I don't know why I checked on soundcloud but I did just to see if like anybody listening see if I missed some like comments or whatever but uh, I got a few more more listened than I expected cuz I don't promote. 

A soundcloud at all and back when I was using soundcloud it just was not it was not what's up because I can only upload like four episodes so like the the earliest episode I post say if I post some like six seven eight, nine, I'll have to delete six so I can upload eleven, you know what I mean, cuz I cuz the only give you like a certain I think is like two hours of free free hours or something like that three minutes and I'll use it up in like four episodes or three episode five. 

Talked a lot in one especially in this case. I did episode like episode 27 to 28 with Jason fifi a friend of mine from in fellow comedian from our Alabama and we were we talked for like an hour and a half something like that so that took up like all my space so but that was like the last episode that I uploaded on soundcloud before I realized. 

Because the only way they'll give me more time more spaces if I paid for it and you know what? I'm not paying I'm not paying to talk to myself I'm not that damn crazy right like yeah spend money to make money but it's out of cloud come on good good thing I didn't good thing I am cheap and I kept looking around because I I wouldn't have found my current host would you probably hurt the uh the ad from the beginning of the episode the anchor that anchored out FM, that's basically where I use and now a lot of people use see. 

I thought that's kind of thought I kind of ran into something new like a year ago, but every time I ask people who started up a new pipe. Guess and I try to recommend them the anchor host they already know about it and look yeah, look, okay. I guess I'm not as unique as I thought oh shit. 

But man check the shit out, um, but yeah you already know who's podcast if you knew TLD are basically what to show is it's just me George Collins. I'm a comedian. I just talk about the news talk about what's what's going on that's kind of just do whatever like but uh you already know this episode and all episodes is brought to you by ugly drinks calm that is a the drink of choice for this show ugly drinks calm, they just actually rebooted a flavor great flavor they try to. 

Tease it on Twitter. I kind of guessed that shit quick as hell, but great flavor great flavored sparkling water, so I guess recommended TI if you don't like grape some some weird reason try out peach peach or. Yeah, I recommend peach flavor just try that so ugly drinks.com let's just jump into it, um this week before we get into the news, hey I finally got I actually got two interviews this week. 

I'm trying to get trying to get a second job because you know, I can't really save with my current money that make up I make pretty decent but it's not. I can't save because of me. I'm I spend money on bullshit all the time and I can't stop it, it's a drug yeah. 

I boss you on Amazon I post made a lot of stuff because I don't like cooking. I think I told you I like the ratio of how long it takes me to cook and how long it eats depends on if I actually cook it so yeah, so in the buying a lot of post makes because that's shit and, I mean, yeah, it's my own fault, that's all that is I need to fix it, but what can you do huh what can you get all right but? 

Okay because I did the research right and I don't remember if I told you I'd not but I actually got in contact with some of the some of the gets crushed words with some of the RV sellers here in Vegas and they hit me up and you know, how car salesman this is like they just trying to like make a sale and they'll tell you anything and I told them I had bad credit and shit like that and I mean, you know, yeah, we see what works out and then as he was telling me that I remember when I'm trying to get a car backing out. 

Obama and I'll just try to get my own car again after my ex wrecked my other one. Basically they'll they'll tell you hey yeah we try to work something out but in reality yeah, they'll sell you car but they'll like deposit or be like double sometimes triple so I'll like oh fuck last time I looked at RV and like a dealership they wanted like fifteen twenty thousand like before they even checked your credit so it's like I could just imagine what exactly they wanted. 

I might be exaggerating a little bit it might actually been like ten thousand but it's still in the thousands it's a thousand. Couple thousand dollars deposit, it's like a it's like a fucking house it is house it is a house. So I can just imagine they look at my credit and they're like yeah, it'll actually be like $25,000 down some shit like this so I'm like they kept trying to call me which that's that's cool and all but I'm like, I know I'm not gonna be able to get whatever is no no way yeah, you're gonna be nice enough to let me get something down, let me put a little bit lower down. 

Sort I can get it there then there going by the book instead of going by then they're they're not gonna take a chance you feel me like cuz it's not because the rent the quote unquote rent of the RV I can handle no problem that's that's not a problem at all especially because me doing a math my current rent and my car is will be about a thousand dollars so I can handle an RV which is gonna be a little bit lower than that actually so I can actually handle. 

Because if I got the RV to actually help me out I'm gonna get rid of the car I'm gonna get rid of the car. I'm a I'm not gonna be I'm gonna be staying in this place no more so I can handle whatever payments I have to make for RV so whatever extra money yeah, I'll be saving up I can use for whatever maintenance for an RV but since it'll be like a semi new one. 

I won't have to worry about maintenance or anything like that. I can actually focus on like the things that I need for like to keep it keep it going, you know, I don't know. I don't know it for sure because I haven't. Tad an RV myself but I know you had that like licenses and it might be something here something different than the last time. 

I looked it up in Bama might be some like parking laws or whatever in Vegas. I don't know. I haven't looked all that up. I'm probably should but at the same time like, I don't I don't I'm I don't I don't have the money for it, so what's the plan me looking up if I don't even have one you know what I mean? 

I don't know me being semi negative but yeah I said that because I had got that the second job second when I didn't get it yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm gonna get it my experience if they don't they don't pick me. I don't know why maybe because you know, you know what's funny about that because the interview it'll just place called I'm not gonna no, you know it fuck it, it's not fucking say it. 

I don't know what crazy motherfucker listen to this all right, but it was basically they don't want to be called a temp service but they're a temp service and it's they are they basically trying to hire someone for janitor work and I've had plenty of that is whatever and. 

They they try to be like we're done we're we're new we're a new modern day interviewer so we don't do all that old school stuff so one of the things they had me do on top of the application which was weird because they asked me for an interview then did an application that's backwards but a part of application was a survey for like, hey, we're gonna see what type of personality you have so it'll be like three questions and each questions be like a one example would be how do you? 

View yourself and underneath the question to be like a literally a hundred words that you can click multiple words, of course. Click it as many words you want to describe yourself. I kind of. I you I wanted to make a joke about it if I wasn't so serious about getting this position I would have been joking and just like it's either I would have picked just one word out of a hundred words that they gave me who just picked one to describe me or pick all of them just like picked every single one of them just to like fuck around you know, I thought that I don't know but that's it. 

I thought that that was that's like a new thing and then when she was interviewing me, right she was like, One thing that kind of caught my eye which is kind of funny she made it very clear like yeah, we're gonna we can't ask you if you have a criminal record bud if we run one well something pop up like right now and this is like okay, can you do you think you'll be able to pass a drug test well we also senses legal here we it we don't test for marijuana she like made this super clear as if. 

A lot of people did they got they tried to get the position had that issue so they was like who didn't get rid of it or? Or they you know, what kind of makes makes it kind of clear because a lot of people when I first moved here was like, oh they do a drug test but they don't test from marijuana but I'm but you know what I never tested it. 

I never wanted to be in that situation, you know what I mean, like just in case what it would have these mother could just lie, huh? And you get caught and I got marijuana and my system and I just like go take a drug test now. I'm in trouble and I don't have a job anymore because I took marijuana because I had marijuana in my system what I'm gonna argue with them like oh I thought it was legal but like I don't know I stomped I still kind of scary about this so I'll try to like not do it just in case yeah, you never know like who am I? 

I don't have money for lawyers. I can't fight this shit fuck that so no, I'm not taking that chance but she made very clear maybe it was a test. I'm not testing that she angled. Me you're not gonna trick me into failing the drug test plus, um, one thing I'm kind of glad they didn't do it's like hey dress because at the second interview I got the one I didn't go to it was a different position. 

I actually forget what it was no we was working for it was one of those people that works that runs the little cart at the airport and like put it in and out whatever one I didn't I didn't pick that one because it was like nine bucks an hour and like the reviews. 

I've heard that's on ND because You do like reviews of jobs and some other well a good amount of reviews were saying like, oh it's is really hard work and she like that. I'm like nah I'm done and I could look I don't look I'll work hard. I don't mind working hard but at this point how long I've been working in manual labor. 

I I'm not getting paid nine dollars an hour to do manual labor again, all right, you have to pay more than so I kind of left out alone plus on top of that airport job. I mean, I could have moved up but who I ain't got time for this shit. 

Deals like a come to the interview and in business casual and I they never. I could never really understand it like for like certain jobs like like says say if I try to get hired for Walmart when I was younger and like my my sister is on my mom or something like that was me like you have to dress up you have to dress for the interview so like that which didn't make sense because I was I was just becoming like a janitor or like a car pusher like why am I coming in like a half a suit for like that doesn't make no goddamn sense like a dress for the job you want like I'm going to be a carp pressure like I'm coming in jeans and a t-shirt. 

I'm. Come with a smile on my face that's about the only professional thing that I'm gonna put on on purpose, all right Christ, that's that's by anyway, that's what the janitor job the actual interview actually went to. They didn't do that they I just kind of came in the the the clothes that I were to work basically just like these black g black pans and like a black t-shirt my jacket. 

I didn't like look overly hood or anything like that. I don't think I could even if I tried but. But they I if I don't get a job. I don't know. I'm kind of rambling whatever anyway. Well, okay the only reason why I brought that up is because they could have FaceTime me because I went if you know the layout of Vegas, I live on the north side all the way on top right and the interview was all the way at the bottom like past the airport in on like Russell Road, so I'm like, That was like a solid 30-35 minute drive just on my raggedy ass the reggae is jeep just for like a five-minute interview just for them for them to say hey yeah, we just wanted to see your face and see if you come on time and then they gave me the actual application like I said, I gave it to me after the interview and then said we'll hit you up in a few weeks. 

This is a waste of fucking time man all day damn gas plus like look. I don't know it's because maybe because I haven't been driving long distances in a long time, but driving on the highway in Vegas kind of like. Kind of kind of freaks me out sometimes man and I look I just try to rest stay away from them just I just stay on the land stay on the streets these people can drive a drive all extra aggressive and shit only I ain't got time for that. 

I'll be trying to chill. I mean, I maybe you know what maybe the dumb driving all crazy or keep me like alert and because you know, I got the narcolepsy so I'm like, that's the one thing that kind of makes me kind of scary because I'm like driving straight for a long time kind of fucks for me, so maybe the shitty drivers. 

Shaking me awake actually helps maybe I should appreciate what I have. I don't know hope this thing is stop recording. Jesus Christ, oh my God, okay. I didn't. Oh shit all right in the news after 16 minutes of me wrangling okay, look yeah, I already know about the gorilla glue girl and a good news out of that stupidity she she uh, she got certain that surgery but basically we got some doctor that did it for free which is fucking cool as hell. 

Who basically created this like little mixture that broke down the the glue. And she got her hair back, so I mean not all of it, but like she got her hair back, so she's seen my back to normal which I'm kind of happy for for that but same time. 

Yeah, I'm look I'm repeating what other people say it like what the fuck like how to who why did you think that was good idea? Anyway but it was a good good ending to the story on top of she's not I'm pretty sure you saw like online where she was they were saying that she was going to sue the people who created gorilla glue which ended up just being there just another fucking internet lie doesn't rumor one from trying to get clips clicks. 

So at the end of the day, it's just stupid people got stupid prizes and they got a way out of it so that's that's cool like I said, I'm happy for but that's not the end of the story y'all that's at the end of the story, ah, there's a why what one thing why is it always the black folks brah these motherfuckers are like throwing us back further and further every time make some steps it's always some motherfuckers there is you know, it's not even just black people it's just people in general just fuck. 

Ing us up every time we make a step in in a good path somebody always try to do something that are like. Basically give aliens a reason why not the ever communicate with us we're too damn stupid as you can hear me talking um, but no man okay, yes another gorilla group glue is situation this guy I think is from Louisiana, okay, just listen to this clip man. 

Louisiana guy thought that she was that the outcome look. I'm not even remember these people name but this guy from Louisiana made a video. I guess he's a rapper or whatever. He basically thought that the gorilla will girl. Was making it up that it was all for clout like gorilla glue isn't that strong so he so what he did fucking IQ of a thousand what he did was uh, took a bottle gorilla glue. 

Put it on a party cup one of those red solo cups and put it to his lips and he pretty sure you can guess you want to take a guess what happened yeah you're you're right he's in the hospital foot shit he's in the hospital for gluing red solo club cup to his lips and he got it how how some of the articles saying it they saying that he got his whole lip removed. 

I doubt it. I'm pretty sure the surgeon just like cut the surface. That that was actually glued on that's it because anything else seems excessive. I'm not a doctor who knows. To buy it there's a funny thing is like listen to this clip don't show you right and I'll show you but listen to because he basically goes on the news and interviews one of the wonderful things like Fox 6 is I'm sure like that. 

Basically what happened in his mindset and all that stuff is just overly stupid just listen.

you know, all right so the funniest thing about the whole thing is is I love how he he wants to like, oh I'm gonna be careful about like making sure my lips aren't exposed to like this virus and it's an open cut and all this nonsense right but this the motherfucker that put glue on them in the first place like come on like, Look okay let's play devil's advocate for a minute okay, let's say I understand his point of I want to I want to prove that she was doing this all for cloud is all for faking she like there so I wanted to have a real video critical real video of glue actually touching skin, it's not that strong right flow, right? 

Why lips why the lips bro you you had any other place on any other non-incentral places on your body it could have tested it on like your arm yeah your fingers you could be doing arts and crafts, you know, how the glue gets on your fingers like you can test it at that way anywhere else anywhere else does not important like he might he might as well hes squeeze squeeze a little bit and it's nostrils and close them all fuckers up like as well, so we go in important parts up let's let's glue my glue my These I can't talk. 

Let's glue my lips together. Jesus Christ. I'm surprising to do that now plus you know, what what we know is stupid is he didn't he said he we wanted to see if it was real what you're doing real. He could have just he didn't do it on his hair like I figured what he looks like. 

I'm now but uh, he could have tested it Harry at least that's stupidity is comparable at least it has a theme like oh I was I was trying to prove that the her superglue thing wasn't real so I put it in my hair or in my beard so I'm like that at least. 

At least he got that at least you still stupid you still stupid as hell but at least I understand unless you did test on the exact same thing she did you know, but now let's let's put a put this glue a cup to my lip now. I can't use my lips. 

I have to have a mask on the cover of my lips, he pie it only like the where the mask cuz he wasn't wearing it properly in in the video. He was still had he still had his nose out so he was just he just had to mask on the cover his fucking glued on lips, that's that's about it so. 

It's I mean, I guess that one has a semi happy ending he. I mean, he's not so much embarrassed that he didn't he he's going on TV the interview people know his name. Like you doing this for for cloud like it's not working bro, like no one's gonna buy your wrap album yeah, you're mix tapes, oh yeah if people do buy it's really fun novelty just like oh yeah, this is the dude who this is the rapper they glued his fucking lip to a red cuts red solo cup like that's about it. 

I would buy it. I mean, you got that I guess. 

So the sister survived covet, she's 117 years old look me personally. Look if I was 117 and I finally got covered but I will be ecstatic just like fuck finally getting the fuck out of here like god damn and then it don't happen. I'll be pissed because uh, I don't know if you heard it but she's she's blind and on the video she's looks like sitting in a chair obviously she can talk since they interviewed her. 

I mean did like I said, it's just me personally like I can't live that long. I just can't like it's it's been 29 almost 29 years and I'm done with it already, so I'll just imagine. Fuck that's like was 80 almost 90 more years yeah fuck that man. I'm sorry like just in me. 

I like I think I've said it before it's like when I get old enough to where like if something unfortunate happened it happens to me to where I like because I don't mind being old and I could take care of myself just fine yeah if I have the money to take care of my myself and I'm like comfortable that's cool. 

I'm not saying just like being old fuck that no I'm saying is um, If I something happened to you where I can't take care of myself and I just need like let's say if I have kids like my my son on my daughter to take care of me or or if I had the money to to do it have like some like nurse. 

Come to my house and have to do everything for me then fuck that just this like punch me in the soft spot in my brain like just uppercut me into heaven like god damn it, like I know I can't I can't do that man cuz um, I remember when I broke my leg and I don't know just them having it happen to help me get up to go to the bathroom it's just the masculine and even though it's not it's the it's the job and some of them don't complain about it it's cool they they happy to help people and it's people like that that's that's great but don't don't help me the only way to help me is get one of those like miniature novelty bats. 

Crack me across the skull. I write a note so you don't get in trouble fuck that's why I was thinking. I had a random thought earlier this week on Twitter saying, uh, okay, you know how you have like an argument not? I know I don't know if you've done a done before but you've seen it or you heard about it to do this again to an argument and at a bar and one of them gets one of them shoots the other one and. 

Sometimes you'll see the videos on like world started like oh you got a gun shoot me dead shoot me dead and what if its like if that person does shoot them can they is there a loophole in the system? That says, oh says he's especially got video of it like this dude acts for it he asked for you to shoot him is there a loophole in the system that says oh yeah, well you you was just doing this man a service is there something out there like that could add a little yeah that'll take a lot of like a lot of stress out that will take a lot of these people who. 

Try to use that as to to make themselves look tougher like that you need in brah like they'll really think twice about saying whatever they say in an argument like but yeah back to cracking me against the head with a bat. I mean if she's cool, she's happy doing that, but like like she said what she's scared, she's like no. 

And that's why I think like she does talk she just done now she just kind of just waiting you she don't even watch TV she like listening it's like what the fuck do you do you just she's a nun does she just pray all day. I'm kind of fucking around a little bit but like what does she do all day it's like how do you stay sane? 

Is the is the thought of of God or whatever she believes in and follows is that so calming that you're fine with living this life how long has she been blind that's that's why I want to look up to. Because whatever keeps her saying on a daily. I I want somebody because I can see I can walk I can take care of myself and I am depressed. 

Then and that's that's why that's the one thing I don't like the back like when I was a teenager because I'm an atheist so I'm more of a gnostic now because I don't argue with people about it. I understand why people need things like back when our teenager. I'll argue with people about like the afterlife of God notice stuff, but now I kind of I understand why people need it and, I'm kind of jealous. 

I kind of how my brain works. I just cannot. Cannot do the whole religion and spirituality spiritual spirituality and saying that word it stuff like that. I just can't do it, so that's why I'm not but I'm jealous for people who can who looks into a book and can be happy. 

A book and just just have hope and be happy for the rest of their life just doing whatever because they have this this figure in the sky looking out for them quote unquote looking out for them. I'm jealous for that so if that's. Was keeping this lady alive and being fine with the fact that you can't do shit for real. 

Then. Is on owner like. That's good that's cool. I guess I don't really have nothing funny to say about it, it's just like I am I'm gonna I'm a little bit jealous of people who just if that actually is the reason that's keeping her alive and keeping her saying then and yeah, that's that's that's what's up but um, 

Not me though give me into about 60 and I can it and it takes me like three times as much strength to get up out my seat nope ended please game over well when I fart and I and I fucking pissed myself nah don't hit in this shit. I never oh I didn't want to end it on a dark note but like down but I look I'm happy that she's survived she's a second old second oldest person ever in the world, I guess. 

I've been looking for number one is. That's that's not a good existence. I wonder what their diets are like what how did what did you eat on for all your life to survive that long sometimes like I was arguing with people not arguing but we just have enough conversation on the clubhouse. 

About death because this dude came in like super fucking woke, you know, those dudes who have like a three dreads but they call it locks now yeah he had three locks and so he's like super spiritual and shit like you start talking about like playing the garden and shit he's like asking us do we plant gardens like obviously a fucking don't come on now? 

I don't I don't garden it's the same way. I don't like cooking it's like I'm not fucking waiting. Two and a half weeks to eat one tomato wait, obviously if you keep doing it you do it do it properly yeah. I know but like still I'm not it's just takes too fucking long but so I appreciate the moderate modern day way of us eating shit yeah, it's not great for us but like who the fuck cares like? 

Haha look at stuff it's just. You don't matter if you eat well you're still gonna die and it was like saying those same delves truck that that was being negative. Because like I don't know because I because I accept death that's that's I don't know people just don't understand me. 

Let me see hold on what the fuck? Oh well, basically I'll just say and tell them I'm like it don't matter if you eat well like yeah, oh add maybe 20 years to your life but do it do it really really matter especially when you're 60 if I die at 60, sometimes it don't matter you like you eat all the well your exercise every day you take care of yourself you take your vitamins and you'll still die of stroke at 32 like sometimes you get unlucky and like you can't. 

Just blame food it's not always food it just sometimes, you get luck unlucky it's like I had I had a stroke during the fucking pneumonia. I was fine. I was working fine that week before and then I went to sleep woke up fucking body hurts so like the shit happens all right and I'm actually I'm actually taking care of myself. 

I only started only start eating like shit and again because I was in quarantine for so goddamn long and I couldn't do shit. I just got bored so I just went back to what I was doing but before that I was taking care of myself, so. Explain that damn. 

I don't know I'm gonna leave it at that. I've been talking for too long. I talk to you later thanks for listening episode 129 now see ya next week thanks for listening, um shit just I got the links on the Instagram and the bio is you can buy merch you can all borrow that good stuff follow me on Instagram at regular as George shared a show share the show. 

I appreciate y'all love y'all peace.

[wutroows]

a box of bandaids. peter parker

a/n: this is my first story i’m posting on tumblr. i wrote this in may and posted it on wattpad, only to delete it after a few weeks. i think this is somewhere on deviantart as well but rest assured, this is also me! nonetheless, please enjoy! warnings: catcalling & sexual comments that may make people feel uncomfortable, non-consensual touching & violence (it's marvel, what do you expect)

every day, there seemed to be more bruises. more cuts splayed all over your body. your knuckles were skinned, and your legs and arms had dark purple and blue marks all over them. whoever your soulmate was certainly got into a lot of trouble. every day, there was something else. one morning, you woke up with a deep cut in your stomach and another, a broken wrist. at first, you thought he had gotten beat up, but then you realised this happened every. day. and you began to feel bad for your soulmate. how could they go through this pain all the time?

usually, the pain came at ungodly hours of the night. on some nights, you woke up screaming and your mother had to come in and console you to get you to finally go back to bed. your mother was a lovely woman, who's soulmate wasn't your father. she first married him out of impulse, being bored. your mothers real soulmate was a woman named elizabeth, and you immediately took a liking to her. having another woman in the house was always a plus.

the pain first started about a year ago. sure, you had gotten occasional bruises or scraped knees, but nothing you couldn't handle. you noticed a small bite on your hand, it swelled badly but soon went away after a few weeks. the pain hadn't stopped since a month or so after that. you had your thoughts that maybe he was a thug, or he just liked to get into fights for fun but you soon realised that couldn't be happening during the school day. but it still was. what could he be doing during the school day where he was out, getting practically beaten almost every day?

you shook the thought out of your head, sitting the coffee cup you just took a drink of down on the table in front of you. the hot sensation of the coffee slipping down your throat burned a little. you hoped your soulmate could at least feel that, but in some ways you also wished he didn't. he already went through so much pain in the first place.

the work in front of you never seemed so boring as you sat in your local café. the words on the screen began to look like a jumbled mess as your thoughts slowly became more and more occupied with your soulmate. what did he look like? no.. you shook the thought out of your head as quickly as it got there. you would love him for his personality, though having good looks would be a plus. a smirk formed on your lips before you quickly realized what you were thinking about. you shook your head, furrowing your eyebrows before you stood up. you couldn't focus on your schoolwork like this. the paper you had to finish for your english class could wait. maybe thinking of your soulmate was just a good way to procrastinate (something you had been rather good at since a young age).

you gathered your items, consisting of a laptop and the coffee you had previously ordered from a barista named hanna, (who had her dyed purple hair tied up in a messy bun, telling you that she did not feel like being at work that morning so if your coffee was bad she apologized). you quickly made your way out of the café, putting your computer in your bag and holding onto your coffee with both of your hands in front of you. your apartment you shared with your grandmother was only a ten minute walk away. you told yourself you should've probably called an uber to get you back to your apartment before you left, but you shrugged and decided to walk home anyways.

it was dark outside, around 9 pm. the stars shined brightly over-head behind the bright lights of new york. there were just about no one walking around at the moment, and the less people you saw the more anxious you got about walking home. you regretted not calling an uber at this point, seeing the group of men a little up ahead from you. they all seemed drunk, stumbling around outside of the bar.

"hey pretty lady!" you heard one of them call, moving closer to you. you started to back away, just a little bit. you moved your keys to your apartment in between your fingers, something your grandmother told you to do if you needed to defend yourself while walking home. your heart pounded in your chest as you saw them stumble towards you.

"what's a cute little lady like you doing out here this late?" he slurred, his eyes staring you up and down like you were a piece of meat. "w-walking home." you stuttered back, not wanting to not give the man a response. you felt if you didn't this situation would get worse. "well.. me and the boys," he gestured behind him to the other three or so men behind him, "could always escort you back to your home." he finished, a sly smirk on his chapped, thin lips as he took another step towards you. "n-no thank you, now if you'll excuse me.."

you sidestepped around the man, only for his hand to find your wrist, pulling you into his side. he took a glance down your f/c shirt, making you feel even more uncomfortable than you had already felt before. "scars, huh?" he muttered under his breath, "i take it.. you like pain? a masochist?" he chuckled, his arms wrapping around your waist, your back pressed against his chest. you prayed for someone, anyone to come and rescue you at this point.

your eyes closed, slowly trying to wiggle yourself out of his grip but with each of your movements his grip seemed to get tighter. "c'mon, doll.. enjoy this. your first time is always fun.."

he dragged you into the alleyway a few feet away from his friends, they positioned themselves in a line at the entrance. you were screwed, at this point you were positive you were going to be raped. your grip loosened, slowly giving up. you weren't strong enough to fight back against this guy, whoever he was. he pushed your chest against the brick wall of the alleyway, and at this point you knew it. your first time doing anything sexual would be with this drunk pervert.

you heard a thud, and the man behind you took a glance over his shoulder. his grip on you loosened, and you took this as a chance to bring back your elbow as far as you could, elbowing him directly in the jaw. "what the fuck, lady?" he practically screamed, his hand that had been gripping onto your waist now held his jaw. "nice hit, miss!" you heard an oddly familiar voice around you somewhere. you looked ahead of you, past the man and saw the one and only spider-man coning to save the day.

"i'm sorry you have to see this, miss.." he muttered to you, before quickly punching the man in the stomach, making him bend over. spider-man brought up his foot, kicking the man so hard his back hit the wall behind him. he took a breath, "let's hope this guy doesn't get back up." he chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. your eyes widened at the sight in front of you, "y-you saved me.." you laughed, breathlessly. you weren't necessarily out of breath, but it was more like you were in shock. queens' neighborhood hero stood in front of you.

"well.. um, yeah." he laughed embarrassedly. his voice sounded familiar, but you couldn't quite pinpoint where you knew it from because you had definitely never ran into spider-man before. "can i repay you? somehow?"

"o-oh, no, definitely no." he nodded to you, "your safety is all i need." he shook his head, "god, that sounded stupid. i sound stupid, okay, spidey, let's get it together this time." he muttered to himself, "i mean, don't." he finished, letting out a breath he probably didn't realise he'd been holding.

"you sound funny." you spoke up after a few moments, "what?" he asked, his head tilting a little bit. you could very vividly picture the face of a teenage boy with an eyebrow raised in confusion from underneath the mask. "i said.. you sound funny, spider-man." you laughed, a smile forming on your lips despite the situation that had just happened a few minutes prior. "well.. my soulmate did burn their tongue earlier. i'm beginning to think that.. they don't like me like, at all. i mean, i wouldn't like me either, i'm getting hurt all the time.." he finished his sentence with an awkward chuckle and you raided an eyebrow.

you reared your hand back and punched the wall in front of you as hard as you could and you had to hold back the urge to scream. you heard your knuckles crack on impact, you were positive you had broken at least one of them by the stupid stunt you had just pulled. you had to find out one way or another, and judging by the way he was holding his hand in his other right after you did that, you had the answer you needed.

"so.. you're my soulmate." you laughed, taking a few steps forward to be eye to eye with him. "i-i mean.. what? why did you do that i.. wait, what? you're my soulmate, oh my god.. there's no way.." he mumbled, his hands going to his mask as if he were covering up an embarrassed blush. you grabbed onto his hands with your own, letting them rest at his sides.

"can i take a guess, spidey?" you asked him, licking your lips in thought. you definitely knew the identity behind the mask, there was only one person you knew who ranted like that whenever he was talking. who told himself to shut up, out loud. "to your identity?"

he nodded, slowly. your hands came up to the ends of his mask and his hands found yours again, "peter, i know it's you." you smiled, pulling up the ends of his mask to where you could see his lips. he groaned, "how? how did you figure it out.. first mj.. now you? i can't keep doing this, y/n- i can't, all of queens will know who i am soon enough, dumb peter parker is spider-man? no way!" he let out a sigh, a small pout on his lips, clearly defeated. you held onto his hands and pulled him onto a side alleyway where you knew no one would see.

you finally pulled his mask off, and the familiar brown eyes of one of your best friends met yours. "i had my suspicions, pete.." you chuckled, your fingers weaving through his own. he ran his free hand through his hair, his eyes closing. "promise me you won't tell..?" you nodded, taking in a deep breath before continuing. "i just.. never thought we were.. soulmates." you mumbled, "but i'm glad it's you! really, i am glad but.. you put me through a shit-ton of pain, peter parker."

"i'll buy you a box of bandaids and a trip to mcdonalds."

"deal.."

you laughed, releasing his hand. you cupped one of his cheeks, leaning in just a bit to where your lips ghosted over his. "promise me one thing, pete.." he nodded, "anything, y/n.."

"stop getting hurt all the time."

with that, you leaned forwards and slowly pressed a kiss to his lips. you felt your heartbeat quicken as your lips met his. they were warm, but slightly chapped. you hadn't realised how many times you'd pictured kissing your best friend until now.

"t-the bandaids?"

"r-right, um.. yeah. the bandaids."

words: 2001

[ladylynse]

i recently posted my first fic onto ao3, im usually on ff net, and i've come to find that i like the statistics and traffic graphs better on ff net, because it shows traffic based on day and month and all together rather than it just all on ao3. Unless ofc i'm wrong and dont know how to work ao3 which is possible ... which do u prefer?

To my knowledge, the only way to divide up the stats is by year--not month/day or fic/chapter or anything like FFnet. To be perfectly honest, though, I haven’t played around with it much beyond toggling between flat view and fandom view, which really only matters if you write a lot of crossovers.

When I was first starting out, I checked my stats/traffic a lot, trying to figure out which hits were just people jumping off the first chapter to the latest chapter compared to how many were reading through the whole fic or potentially clicking on the first chapter, deciding they hated the fic, and leaving. So, I can certainly understand why you’d miss having that amount of detail on the AO3. (Also, it’s fun to see how much which fandom you write for affects the countries in which you have the most readers.)

In the end, though, the number of hits will always outweigh everything else, and it will always be in such a ratio that makes you wonder if you should even bother posting anything. (I know this isn’t what you asked, but it’s worth saying: You should keep writing if you enjoy it. It’s hard, putting all that effort into something and not being sure if anyone else likes it--I’ve been there, posting multiple chapters of a fic without getting a review--but you’ll continue to improve and someone will invariably find your fic and love it. And if you decide you absolutely hate it at some point in the future and don’t want to be associated it, AO3 has an orphan feature so you don’t need to take the fic down and have sad readers like me who had a favourite fic that got deleted because the author didn’t feel it was good enough.) 

I personally don’t look much at the number of hits on my fics anymore, so I don’t really have a preference on that front for how the stats are displayed. If I look at them, it’s within the first day or two after posting a fic, and then I don’t need to go onto the stats page. I judge the popularity of my fics based on how many people take the time to actually leave a review/comment rather than the number of people who click on it. Because if they’re taking five seconds--or, bless them, five or ten minutes--to say something, then I feel like I’ve done a good job. (Ranting and complaining (very different from rambling) happens, but thankfully not very often.) I know that’s an arguably dangerous viewpoint to take, but it’s where I’m currently settled. I got a review yesterday that straight up said, “This is the first fic I've ever really wanted to review”, so I’m not terribly inclined to change my view on that any time soon. 

I will admit that I’d rather the AO3 showed the number of comment threads instead of the number of comments, though--like they do on the stats page--since I sometimes (often) reply to comments and that will artificially inflate the number. That is one stat I’m happier with on FFnet for that reason. Not putting much stock in stuff like follows/subscriptions, though, or really anything else, it doesn’t bother me that I have less detailed information the AO3.