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charmixpower · 2 years ago

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That drawing of the specialist as faries, that had Sky and Helia with hearts and Timmy with electricity and Brandon with stars got me thinking

You know how in s6, Bloomix happens? Those drawing made me imagine the girls sharing their powers with their boyfriends to make them faries! Or witches, depending on their magical inclinations, and what I personally think is cooler XD

So Sky would get fire and dragon powers, Brandon stellar powers, Helia plant powers, Timmy electronic powers, Riven sound powers, and Nabu is already a fairy so he doesn't get any :)

Nabu is their chaperone. Magical tutor, if you will. Baby sitter so they don't blow themselves up one might say

(I know Helia already has magic but shhhh Helia and Flora are form different planets so it get to mix them >:D more fun like this)

I think it would be interesting if this mixed with their own natural magic from their planets. So Eraklyon has the core of gravity, Timmy's planet has the core of metal, Helia's planet has the core of law/order or something similar (Saladin canonically has justice powers so it has to be something that can produce a magic user of Justice), and Riven's planet....I haven't actually decided yet. I'll just do a couple for him then :) for variety

So!!!

Sky:

Fire + Gravity = Fairy of Plasma

Stars, which is essentially space fire, are made of plasma that's held together by gravity sooo it fits me thinks. I didn't want to make him the fairy of Stars XD

Dragon + Gravity = Fairy of Honor

A lot of Bloom's dragon powers are more....symbolic effects so I leaned into that. Valor with more gravity applied to the concept would be honor I think? Because valor is only having honor, courage, ect in battle, so if the term has more weight, you'd be like that all the time, therefore honor...be nice, I'm trying my best over here. It's all very symbolic, and I think it matches Sky's good boy enegry perfectly bc it would force him to act with in the confines he seems to always act within. I think his powers would be like summoning weapons to battle with, being able to send sword beams, the Sirenix punching and kicking, and more importantly being able to force people into fair fights by using his magic to make people honorable. I think it would be majorly dope

Brandon:

Sun + Gravity = Fairy of Blackholes

What do you get when you take a star and add a fuck ton of gravity?? You get blackholes! Damn Brandon, who said you got to be so powerful? Me, I did. He and Stella can have a little darkness and light thing going on, it's cute okay?? He'd also be able to teleport like Stella!! And there'd be some time manipulation powers there too!! Very powerful skill set

Moon + Gravity = Fairy of Orbits

I think this would be an actually really fucking dope power. It would be like free redirection of any attack. I don't think it would be possible to attack or defend directly, which is why it would be so cool to watch/write because you'd really have to think about it. Very dope, I love

Sun + Moon + Gravity = Fairy of Tides

Yeah the sun and the moons gravitational pull on earth really only seems to both do one thing, control the tides. Brandon has Aisha's Nick dub powers now lol

Helia:

Nature + Justice = Witch of Comeuppance/Karma

This is just for if Helia inherented Saladin's magic, cuz Saladin is the only living and magical relative of Helia we see so I wanted to just entertain the idea, but this wouldn't be Helia's powers

I'm thinking his powers would work like Jinx form teen titans, basically instilling bad luck on people or pulling a sans during the Geno run (his magic only hurts as much as the person he's attacking has hurt others). His attacks would be pretty boring looking as they'd just look like pure magic but I imagine he mostly uses his powers to make people fall out of chairs, make vending machines give out multiple cans of soda, help cats get out of trees, banal luck based stuff

Nature + Law = Witch of Natural Laws

Wow that's such a basic name form the combination nooo T-T but Helia would have magic of Gravitation, Electromagnetism, Strong Interactions, and Weak Interactions. He wouldn't be able to control them. Like Samara is the fairy of Gravity and she can make gravity happen from anywhere, in any direction, however powerful she can manage. Helia can't do that, he can only strengthen and weaken already present gravitational forces. So he can pull someone to the ground, or make them float, but he can't pull them up essentially

I think Helia would have a lot of fun working with this. Helia up at 3:00 a.m. researching the four things he has power over to see if he can do any sick combos

Timmy:

Metal + Tecnomagic = Witch of Conductivity

Timmy just gets all the electrical parts of Tecna's powers but a little more niche. Not the one I would go with, but the first thing that came to mind

Metal + Tecnomagic = Witch of Electrical Currents

This is what would likely be his powers, this is dope and I imagine he knows a lot about this stuff so he'd very likely be able to pull off some dope ass spells based off of technical magic. Likely turns himself into a living taser. Buzz buzz bitch

Riven:

When I imagine Riven with magic I usually imagine him being able to create giant cracks in walls, knocking down ceiling, and stuff like that so that's the direction imma take these in

Sound + Something Solid (like earth) = Fairy/Witch of Earthquakes

This is most similar to what I usually imagine his magic to be like so I'm very partial to it. Mostly because it's primarily environmental, and that opens up a lot of cool fight scenes that rely heavily on surrounding and incorporating them into the fight :)) just very cool stuff if your into fight choreography

Sound + Anything Abrupt or Sharp = Fairy of Shockwaves

This one is the one he's more likely to have because it can actually be used in a fight XD. Shock waves are faster than soundwaves, but are required to be abrupt, so you can't have continuous shock waves. Which I think is an interesting difference and limitation. There both a type of wave so I was worried about them being too different but this supplies a whole new set of tactics. Like shock waves also don't travel as far as sounds waves (i think). So shock waves are better for close range combat, while sound waves are more suited for support. Very fun all around

#A planet with the core of Justice feels WAYYY to op so imma go with something more neutral like law or order that can lead to justice #winx club #winx specialists #Winx au #winx club au #winx sky #winx brandon #winx riven #winx timmy #winx helia #winx nabu #rus chatters #winx headcanons

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evafrechette · 3 years ago

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Superstar Glow

↠ seokjin x jimin | smut | pornstar!au, 1970s!au | 21+ | 4k

↠ Summary: “H-hello, I'd like to order a pizza please, with extra sausage. Mmmm I do enjoy a good ol' sausage." Jimin’s voice soft and seductive. He placed the phone on the ground and began to grind down on the mattress, head thrown back in ecstasy while his fingers twisted the nipples that peaked out of the top of his bustier. Seokjin was getting hard watching the scene unfold in front of him. . .

“Superstar Glow is a brilliant new porn film. Fantastic debut by actor Kim Seokjin. It simply is the best film of 1975.” - Jeon Jungkook, Playguy Magazine.

(Aka Seokjin films his very first Porno)

↠ Warnings: anal sex, anal fingering, anal fisting, blowjobs, swearing, drug use, come shot, come eating, seokjin has a huge cock, porn films, terrible pizza related pick up lines, jimin in lingerie, 70s slang, drinking, casual mention of cheating, filming a porn video.

Seokjin confidently strode into the warehouse. It smelled strongly of cigarette smoke mixed with patchoulli incense which tickled his throat when he breathed in. Right in the center of the room was a circular shaped bed sitting on top of a large brown shag mat, partitions surrounded the afghan blanket covered bed which had 3 spotlights shining brightly in it’s direction. A funky bass line and rhythmic drums reverberated around the large room as people walked on by, cigarettes lazily hanging from their mouths as they carried long thick cables wrapped around their arms and bulky cameras perched on their shoulders.

In the far corner of the space sat a dressing table, the mirror lined with bright lights. A small man with thick thighs was currently perched on top of a fur covered stool, brushing his blond hair back gently. He was wearing a black and red lace bustier which brought attention to his muscular chest, garter belt with nude coloured stockings and silky black panties which showed off a rather impressive bulge. He was a very pretty man and Seokjin was pleased to be staring alongside someone so gorgeous.

Today was Seokjin's porno debut. He had been scouted at an adult movie theatre during a late night session of ‘Boys in the Sand’ by a director who happened to be sitting in the same row as him.

As with all adult theaters once the movie started, the dicks came out and his large size had garnered the attention of the man a few seats away. Seokjin was naturally skeptical, thinking it was a lame pick up line to get him back to his apartment to fuck. But when the man handed over a very professional business card and told him to "think about it" Seokjin realised the offer was legit.

Seokjin's watched the director Yoongi and his fantastic bushy chevron mustache adjusting the lighting on the set and walked over to say Hi. He was an quite the character, he wore a burnt orange turtleneck jumper underneath a brown, orange and pale yellow checkered leisure suit, his jet black hair was pushed off his face which allowed you to focus on his beautiful feline shaped eyes and strong eyebrows. A thick gold chain draped around his neck and several clunky (fake) gold rings sat on his fingers. His voice was deep, barking orders at the crew to get everything ready in time. He was also a short man, which would explain the very high brown and cream platform shoes he was wearing. Seokjin's ankles hurt just looking at them.

"Uh hey, what's crackin'." He asked once he had reached the man, holding out his hand for a handshake.

"Ahhh the star of today's shoot." A large hand shot out and slapped against Seokjin's, pulling him in for a hug. "How are you feeling today? Nervous? We have some cocaine if you wanna take a bump, loosen yourself up a bit? One of the guys can take you out back and suck your dick if that will help?" The man turned back to adjusting the light, mumbling about how you can't trust dope heads to get anything done right.

"Oh no, that won't be necessary. Once I'm in front of the camera I'll be groovy baby." His eyes continued to dart around the room taking everything in.

"Have you met your co-star yet?" Yoongi asked over his shoulder. "The cute little blond in the lingerie. He may look delicate and sweet, but he's a huge whore. Loves being stuffed with big cocks. Ah fuck yeah, that's perfect!" Satisfied with the lighting set up he turned his attention back to Seokjin dusting his hands on his polyester trousers. "Though, I've never had a cock as big as yours on my set, so this will be interesting."

Seokjin blushed at hearing this, he was truly blessed by the Penis Gods when it came to his manhood. Twelve inches of thick, tan cock. Even the vein that ran up the underside looked as though it was designed by a specialist penis sculptor. Yoongi had told him the night they met that his cock was made for pornography and it was a shame he wasn't showing the world his gifts.

The blond must have sensed he was being spoken about and made his way over to where Seokjin stood, swaying his hips deliberately with every step. He was a beautiful sight, a sharp straight nose that complimented his angled jawline, sultry monolids dusted with a shimmering brown eyeshadow, and a full, sumptuous pout that screamed "blow job lips"Seokjin licked his lips as he watched the way the mans long legs moved in the soft, silky stockings that enclosed his smooth legs.

"Yoongi, is this the Jive Turkey I'm filming with today?" The man cocked a hand on his hip, eyes roaming over Seokjin's body.

"Hey! I ain't no Jive Turkey, what the fuck?" Seokjin exclaimed, shocked that for the first time in his life he'd been insulted in such a way.

"Jimin mellow out huh? This is Seokjin, yes he is filming with you today, I hope they prepped you well earlier 'cause this man is gonna be a star baby!" Yoongi wrapped his arm around Seokjin's wide shoulders squeezing tight, "The biggest cock I've ever seen! He's gonna have you squealing like a little bitch, you're gonna love it."

"I was only joshin' you know me. I'm Jimin by the way." The blond made no attempt at a handshake, instead looking off seemingly disinterested in the conversation.

"See that door on your right? Head in there to get your threads for the shoot and when you're done get back here and we'll start, we're ready when you are." Yoongi clapped his hand against Seokjin's shoulder before letting go.

Once inside the small room he stripped off and dressed in the clothes that were hanging on the clothes rack. Crisp white trousers that fit like a glove, letting everyone see just what he was packing down below and a matching shirt that he made sure to leave partially unbuttoned. His hand brushed over the jewelry selection, deciding on a thin silver chain and matching ring. He looked at himself in the mirror and winked. He looked fantastic and he was truly feeling himself. He also couldn't wait to get out there and choke that sassy little twunk with his cock. The thought of his pink plush lips struggling to stretch around his girth had Seokjin twitching in his pants.

Once back on set the mood had changed, the loud stereo system had been turned off and the crew were in place ready to start filming. Jimin was sprawled out on the bed, hand lazily palming the bulge through his panties while he and Yoongi spoke in hushed tones.

"Seokjin! You look bitchin', that outfit is great. What's underneath is even better, oh Jiminie you are in for a treat," Yoongi clapped his hands gleefully, "Alright here's the skinny, Jimin is a horny slut who has ordered a pizza, Seokjin you are the pizza delivery guy. You come in and fuck his brains out. You both got it? It's porn, not rocket science. Think with your dicks not your brains. Can you dig it?"

"Right on." Seokjin nodded, walking to the prop table to pick up the pizza box before standing on the x marked with duct tape on the ground, just out of the way of the cameras. He unzipped his trousers and pushed his semi hard cock through the hole on the bottom of the pizza box. The only thing Jimin would be putting in his mouth today would be his cock. The loud wurring of the camera let everyone know that tape was rolling and it was showtime.

Yoongi slowly moved the camera towards the bed as Jimin's soft moans filled the room, his small fingers tracing up and down his stocking clad legs. Jimin picked up the prop phone pretending to dial a number.

"H-hello, I'd like to order a pizza please, with extra sausage. Mmmm I do enjoy a good ol' sausage." His voice soft and seductive. He placed the phone on the ground and began to grind down on the mattress, head thrown back in ecstasy while his fingers twisted the nipples that peaked out of the top of his bustier. Seokjin was getting hard watching the scene unfold in front of him. He really wanted his dick sucked immediately, but took a deep breath to calm himself down. Yoongi pulled the camera back and motioned towards Seokjin. One of the sound crew knocked against a piece of wood to replicate a door being knocked on and he quickly stood straight ready to make his grand entrance.

"Oh." Jimin crawled across the bed and skipped to near where Seokjin stood. One of the camera men, a tall man that went by the name Namjoon followed Jimin and stood directly in front of him, camera lowering to shoot a close up of his cock trapped behind the silk fabric, then making it's way to his face again. "Come on in." Jimin pursed his plump lips, before returning to the bed to sit, legs daintly crossed over one another. "Are you the pizza man? Because you sure look like you could deliver." He purred, stroking his length over the silk.

Seokjin walked into the shot, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He wasn't nervous before, but once he was under the heat of the lights, camera zooming in on his handsome face, well he was starting to feel like maybe he had fucked up on coming here today. Seconds ticked on by before he gained his composure, "Are you craving pizza? Because I'll gladly give you a pizz-a this dick." He pulled the top of the pizza box open, cock springing to life. Jimin's eyes nearly bulged out of his head which made Seokjin smirk.

He moved to stand in front of Jimin who was still sitting on the bed, using his free hand to run his fingers through the blonds perfectly styled hair.

"You're the only topping I need on my pizza." Jimin whispered loud enough for the sound boom to pick up, smooth as butter he dropped down onto his knees and took Seokjin into his hand, small fingers struggling to wrap around his thickness. He pumped Seokjin a few times before taking him into his wet hot mouth. Seokjin let out a gasp, he was surprised, he really thought the smaller man would struggle to suck his cock, but as he looked down he saw a blond head bop up and down expertly on his length.

Seokjin grabbed a fist full of bottle blond hair and moved his hips, shallow and slow to begin with then a little faster and harder, allowing his cock to slip further down Jimin's throat. The man hummed around his length, spit drooling down the sides of his mouth as he took Seokjin nearly to the base. Seokjin groaned at the feeling of Jimin's throat constricting tight around his cock. The sounds of crew footsteps and the glare of the hot lights above fading into the background as he lost himself to the pleasure of Jimin's mouth.

"Look at you, what a good boy you are, throat so full of my cock." He tightened his grip on Jimin's hair, "So pretty."

Tears ran down Jimin's cheeks, mixing into the spit that was dripping down his chin and neck. He pulled his cock free and slammed it back in without warning, fucking Jimin's pretty mouth with vigor. The camera men had moved closer to the action, a camera focused on Seokjin's cock while another filmed his reactions, the way his eyebrows furrowed whenever he felt himself getting close to his release and the quiet whimpers when he locked eyes with the man below him.

"Your mouth is too good at this pretty boy, I'm about to come." He groaned between gritted teeth, hips stilling as his hot release spilled down Jimin's throat. The blond swallowed Seokjin's load like the professional he was, falling back onto his ass, absolutely exhausted once he was done.

"Aaannd CUT!" Yoongi yelled from behind his camera, he pulled a joint from his pants pocket and motioned for one of the crew to light it for him. He took a big toke, holding the smoke in before exhaling. "Right on, right on. That was good. Shit, Jimin you are freaky deaky. Damn! This might just be my most successful film to date." He took another deep drag of the good Mary Jane and pointed at Seokjin, "Go have a drink, there is whiskey and beer on the table, or water if you're a square. If you think you'll have trouble getting hard again go and ask Hoseok for a little blue pill, that'll help. He's the jelly brain over there in the red shirt and fake Gucci belt."

Seokjin slowly removed his cock from the pizza box and threw it to the side as someone from wardrobe dashed over and cleaned him up with a warm hand towel. He tucked himself back into his pants and strolled over to the drinks table, deciding on a bottle of Rheingold beer, he nursed the red and white labelled bottle as he watched the crew change the film in the cameras. The tight knit all male crew made lewd remarks and joked around, while Yoongi the director sat in his chair getting stoned.

"How are you enjoying your first shoot?" Jimin asked, face no longer a tear stained mess.

"It's pretty rad, not quite what I expected but it's all gravy." He replied taking another sip of the yeasty and fruit flavoured liquid.

"Yoongi was right, your cock is magnificent. I can't wait for you to fuck my ass. Don't be gentle, I like a bit of pain." The sweet voice next to him explained.

Seokjin nearly choked on his drink, everyone here was so open and had absolutely no filter.

"No fake?" He turned to ask the man.

"No fake handsome. They prepped me so well earlier you could probably fist me if you wanted. Don't want to scare you off on your first day though." He laughed, hand shooting up to cover his plump lips.

"I-I'll keep that in mind, thanks."

-----

Jimin and Seokjin strolled back onto set once the film had been changed and Yoongi returned from taking a piss. Now it was time for the fucking. Seokjin took a deep breath and looked down at his crotch, "Make me proud big boy." He whispered.

"Alright places people, let's get this thing done so I can go home and fuck my girlfriend before my bitch of a wife gets back from work." Yoongi called out, shifting to sit behind his Ikegami 3-tube colour camera.

Seokjin made his way over to Jimin, who was standing in front of the bed. He gave the smaller man a shy smile before turning his head towards Yoongi waiting for the signal to begin.

"3, 2, 1 Now Fuck!"

"I know this is pretty cheesy, but I think you're saucy." Jimin curled his hand around the lapel of Seokjin's shirt, pulling him so close he could smell the star anise and blackcurrent hints of his cologne. Seokjin leaned down and slowly pressed his pillowy lips against Jimin's, who slightly parted his own when he let out a quiet sigh. Seokjin flicked his tongue against the soft fullness of Jimin's pink tinged lips and deepened the embrace, tongue meeting with the other as he placed his big hands on either side of the mans soft face, tilting his head upwards for easier access.

He nipped at Jimin's bottom lip before pulling away to breathe. He dived back in, kiss messy and wet, their mouths wide open so the camera could film their tongues flicking against one another's. Seokjin nudged Jimin backwards towards the bed and helped lower him down onto the firm mattress, caging his lingerie clad body with his own. He rocked his already hard cock against Jimin, grinding hard against the silk, desperate to feel some friction. They continued to messily make out until Yoongi called out "Cut!"

Seokjin concentrated on getting his breathing under control. He was already so hard again and it was beginning to hurt. The man Yoongi had earlier identified as Hoseok came over and handed Seokjin a bottle of KY Jelly, "He's been prepped, but lube up anyway, we don't film that pain shit some people are into. Finger him a few times, slowly so they can get some close ups, then fuck him like you've never fucked before. Come wherever you like, just make sure to let us know so they can get in close and film it."

Jimin was on his hands and knees, silk panties long gone, as he spread his cheeks wide for Seokjin. His hole was stretched open, pink and glistening. Seokjin coated his fingers in the clear liquid and crawled behind the blond.

"Alright, no stopping this time. Let's get this cumshot in one go. Action!" Yoongi murmured, cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

Seokjin brought two fingers to Jimin's entrance and remembering Hoseok's words, slowly pushed in until he was knuckle deep. He pulled his fingers out, before pushing back in enjoying the sound of soft moans underneath him. Seokjin took his time to add another, and another, making sure to press down on Jimin's sensitive spot when he withdrew his fingers with each thrust. He watched in awe as Jimin's hole stretched perfectly around his knobbly fingers, clenching and fluttering due to his touch. He pulled out gently, coating his entire hand with more lubricant before lining up once more, tucking his thumb into the palm of his hand and steadily worked his entire fist into the blonds ass.

Jimin let out a long whine, teeth digging into his bottom lip. "Jimin don't do that, let it all out." Yoongi yelled unimpressed at his attempts to quiet himself.

Seokjin couldn't believe his eyes as he pushed in further, his whole hand disappearing inside Jimin's ass. He nearly came right then and there. He moved his hand shallowly inside Jimin's warm hole, cock throbbing as Jimin's pants and whimpers filled the room. "Fuck, you are amazing." Seokjin choked, enjoying the depravity of performing an act like this on someone. The camera men moved around the studio, positioning themselves awkwardly close to Seokjin to film what would no doubt be the highlight of the film. He looked over his shoulder and asked, "Can I fuck him now?"

"Yes, YES." Smoke puffed out between Yoongi's lips as he replied.

Seokjin withdrew his hand and quickly jumped off the bed to remove his clothes, flinging his trousers off to the side. Using the hand still coated in lubricant, he jerked himself off a few times coating his length in the sticky cool liquid.

"Do you like Pizza Hut pretty boy? Because I want to stuff your crust." He looked at the camera and raised his eyebrow before he slipped his thick cock into Jimin's gaping hole, balls snapping against the blonds supple ass when he bottomed out. His hole was surprisingly still tight and Seokjin couldn't help but let out a filthy groan.

"O-oh your cock is so big, it feels soooo good. Keep fucking my ass just like that." Jimin cried out mouth hanging open as he pushed back onto Seokjin's length. Seokjin slammed his cock back in again and Jimin fell face forward into the pillows due to the force. He spread Jimin's ass cheeks with his hands, watching as his massive cock stretched out the man below him. His grip was tight on the soft skin of Jimin's hips, leaving marks that would bruise by the evening. He leaned himself over the smaller mans body, chest pressed against his muscular back and rammed into him. They were both a whining, moaning mess, his cock brushing up against Jimin's prostate with every thrust. Seokjin placed his head against Jimin's shoulders, sweat making their skin stick to one another. He reached between his legs and took Jimin's cock into his hand and pumped him in time with his own thrusts.

"I'm gonna come soon, how far away are you?" He whispered into Jimin's ear, voice barely picked up by the sound boom. "Mmm keep doing that with your hand and I'll be coming pretty soon too, shit."

Seokjin faced the camera and seductively licked his lips, a hungry noise escaping his throat. The camera crew changed positions making sure to capture all the action from different angles. Namjoon climbed onto the bed, legs planted on either side of Seokjin as he filmed from above.

"Oh-oh shit, I'm gonna come." Jimin cried into the pillows, cock throbbing as his release spurted out onto the mattress underneath him. His hole squeezed around Seokjin's cock, so he picked up the pace and fucked his ass fast, desperate to reach his orgasm too. Jimin was becoming overstimulated, squirming his body under Seokjin's firm grip. He held on tight, thrusting so deep Jimin was seeing stars. The sounds of skin slapping against skin echoed in his ears triggering him to squeeze his eyes shut as he focused on reaching his high. The tell tale sign of his approaching orgasm began, tingling starting in his crotch and slowly spreading out to his arms and legs.

Seokjin managed to pull out just as he came, hot cum landing all over Jimin's soft ass cheeks, slowly dripping down onto the back of his thighs. The camera moved in close focusing on Jimin's stretched hole and his cum covered ass, Seokjin leaned down into the shot and dragged his tongue over the smooth skin of Jimin's perky rear and began cleaning up his mess. He hummed as he licked away his salty release, eyes focused on the blinking light of the camera, corner of his mouth turning up into a small smirk.

"CUT! That was great you dirty whores! All right, let's get this set cleaned and get the fuck out of here." Yoongi passed his camera to his assistant and walked over to Seokjin, he pulled out an envelope and handed it over, "Here's ya mulah for the day. If you want more of that let me know and I'll book you in for another film. I think this one is going to do really well. Pretty face, huge cock, how could it not?"

Seokjin jogged back to the small room to get changed, he could shower at home, adrenaline was coursing through his body right now and he was excited to catch up with his closest friends and tell them about his amazing experience. Once he was back to looking like normal everyday Seokjin and not burgeoning Porn star Seokjin he made his way around the room, saying thanks to all the staff, especially Jimin who had given him a sweet kiss on the cheek.

Seokjin reached the exit pausing to take a look back at the porn set. He smiled as he watched crew dissemble lights and pack away furniture and props. Yoongi had said he could do this again, an offer he would take up for sure. Working at the local grocers didn't have as much appeal as having sweet, tight assholes begging for his cock, maybe this was the start of a new career for Seokjin? He pushed his sunglasses up onto his nose and stepped out into the bright summers day, he entered the building a porn actor virgin and left with that superstar glow, he was a (porn) star in the making.

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jamesvanriemsdyk · 4 years ago

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Best GMs and coaches in the league ACC to you?

we can start with gms because coaching is a bit more complicated. best gms in the league is easy to look at because like, who has a good team? who has had a consistently good team? whose locker room is the most cohesive, whose coaching staff is the best? who is the best at acquiring and keeping the best players, coaches, staff, etc? and you can see that in the way teams play.

(putting this under the cut because it got long. and i mean Long.)

so, in no particular order: kyle dubas (leafs), steve yzerman (red wings, i will explain this later), don waddell (canes), julien brisebois (lightning), joe sakic (avs), and kelly mccrimmon/george mcphee (golden knights) (god i still hate that name and also will explain this later too) are the best in the league in my opinion. honorable mention to marc bergevin, who has held onto his job much longer than he arguably should have, but still has a decent team on the ice and a decent coaching staff, although the french rule does severely handicap them (i understand why it exists but it does, it just does).

david poile (preds) is the longest tenured gm in the league (has been the preds gm since fucking 1997, thats insane, thats legit before i was born, what the fuck), and i do genuinely think he is very good at his job, and that he is very hockey smart, but oh boy have his recent decisions been suspect as hell, and that reflects in the state of his team. doug wilson (sharks), who is the second longest tenured gm in the nhl, is in the exact same boat (the karlsson deal is a nightmare, and also did he just forget that his star core was gonna get old and retire or ??).

with dubas, waddell, brisebois, sakic, and mccrimmon/mcphee all have the same basic strengths: they draft well, they have a fundamental understanding of their team structure and how to manage public perception of the team and everything that implies, and they have two fingers on the pulse of their locker room at all times. im not going to pretend to know as much about sakic and mccrimmon/mcphee as i do the eastern gms, but it doesnt take much to figure it out. look at the avs, and their locker room, the success theyve found after being dead fucking last in the league. look at the knights and their incredible success that theyve found after literally not existing before 2017. ive talked about dubas a lot on my blog, but its incredibly easy to see that waddell and brisebois do the same shit he does, and i can do a deep dive on them if asked. bergevin has moments of brilliance, like the suzuki trade and acquiring caufield and anderson, but things like kotkaniemi’s development and their entire blue line give me a massive pause, which is why he’s not in the main list. he’s a good gm. he’s just not the best.

in regards to steve yzerman: you have to understand that this is the man that built the tampa bay lightning as we know them. this man was gm of the bolts until fucking 2018. tampa bay has been a monster in the eastern conference for years, BECAUSE of the work steve yzerman put in. his team set the franchise record for wins, and he was the first and is the only lightning gm to have won gm of the year. look up the 17-18 roster. it is, essentially, the roster that won them the cup last year. make no mistake, i think brisebois is great, and hes on the list for a reason, but the biggest part of brisebois’ success was steve yzerman’s incredible hockey mind. brisebois essentially had to sell off a fourth of his roster, and the lightning are still a top team in their division and in the league, and thats why he’s there (it is so incredibly easy to fuck shit up post cup win), but the brisebois lightning would not exist without steve yzerman, plain and simple.

what steve yzerman is doing in detroit should be watched very, very closely by every single person in the hockey world. youre fucking nuts if youre not paying attention to them, not gonna lie. the mantha trade was excellent, if really sad if you know even a bit about the wings, but the amount of draft picks steve yzerman has amassed and the way he’s using the prospects and players he already has is really fucking admirable. mike babcock left the red wings organization absolutely in tatters, and i think, honestly, it was always steve yzerman’s plan to go home to detroit and rebuild. if there is anyone who is going to strike absolute gold this draft year, it is steve yzerman. watch the red wings, i am telling you, keep a beat on detroit. they are going to be good. its not an if, its a when.

(real quick on the knights situation: mcphee was the first gm of the knights, and was also president of hockey ops at the same time, and then in 2019 mcphee said he was just gonna focus on his job as president, but we all know hes still an integral part of the way the knights are run, and he and mccrimmon have kinda been building the knight together since the beginning anyway bc mccrimmon was originally mcphee’s agm. so. thats why theyre together)

as for coaches, it’s very simple. rod brind’amour (canes), sheldon keefe (leafs, yes im biased, we’ll get into it), jared bednar (avs), joel quenneville (panthers), jon cooper (lightning), barry trotz (isles), and mike sullivan (pens).

(disclaimer: obviously coaching is done as a team, and assistants and specialist coaches and staff are all very important, but the head coaches set the tone and organize the entire machine, if you will, so im going to be talking about head coaches as if theyre the entire coaching staff. its just easier this way im sorry)

im gonna just start with the easy ones: barry trotz, mike sullivan, and jon cooper have been in the league for years. cooper is the longest tenured coach in the nhl for a reason (again, just look at the tampa bay lightning. its the gm’s job to make the coach’s life easier and the coach’s job to make the gm’s life easier, and this is one of the prime examples of it in the league. its dope as hell tbh), trotz is one of the most respected coaches in the hockey world for a reason (the caps lost something when he walked. they just did. and now the isles are absolute hell to play against and that is largely the coaching of barry trotz, you legit cannot tell me im wrong), and while mike sullivan does have his faults, i think hes found a way to please both management and the crosby-and-malkin unit, which has been really really fucking hard to do. he also led the pens to back to back cups, which you can never really uh. ignore. lmao. so theres those three.

i know less about bednar, but again, another example of the coach and gm working together to make each others’ lives easier. sakic gets bednar the players and staff he needs to make the avs better, and bednar takes those players and staff and makes them into the absolute giant they are. it wouldve been really, really easy to fuck up makar’s development, or bowen byram’s, or sam girard’s, or ryan graves’s, or jost or mackinnon or rantanen’s, but he hasn’t, and he hasn’t just given up on players like burakovsky or kadri, he’s given them new life as players and made them more successful.

joel quenneville is the reason the bl/ckh/wks were a legacy team point blank period. sure they had the talent, sure the gm drafted well, but you do not get the legacy of the chicago bl/ckh/wks without joel quenneville. they fired him on a whim and it absolutely was a mistake, and the moment the cats hired him i literally out loud said ‘oh no’ because i knew exactly what that meant for the leafs and their position in the standings. the panthers are underrated generally, yes, but they would not be the powerhouse they are this season without quenneville. just look at q’s wiki stats. he’s absolutely unbeilevable. he won the jack adams in fucking 2000, before he’d even won any of the cups with the h/wks. i cant tell you what kind of a locker room coach this guy is, but i can tell you his teams win and win convincingly, and that firing him was the biggest mistake the h/wks have made in years.

whenever i talk about coaching, i talk about rod brindamour and sheldon keefe in the same breath every single time because there is no match, and i mean none, for the love inside those locker rooms. the avs, maybe, but my point stands. keefe and brindamour fucking BLEED team spirit, it is at the center of their coaching styles and their teams are good because of it specifically. marner and matthews are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation and then some with keefe. aho, teravainen, and svechnikov are good, yes, and they always have been, but they have surpassed all expectation with brindamour. brindamour and keefe have both hashtag played the game, so they Get It, and more than that, theyve grown and changed their understanding of the game as the game itself has changed, and so they can command the authority of their teams while also connecting to them on a really deep level. i should make a note here that keefe and brindamour are incredibly, deeply hockey smart, and that they are also just technically good coaches, skimming their wiki or nhl dot com articles will tell you that, but what makes them stand out to me is that their players would fucking die for them. the leafs would go through the end boards for keefe, the canes would do the same for brindamour. travis dermott said it best when keefe got promoted: boys wanna play for him. beyond that, the management skills both brindamour and keefe have are just frankly amazing (the amount of ego keefe specifically has to manage in the leafs locker room is astounding and he does it so incredibly brilliantly). the leafs and the canes are talented, yes, and would have been talented regardless of who was coaching them. but brindamour and keefe bring both of those teams from talented to exceptional, and the true mark of an amazing coach is not only how many games their team wins, but how they win them, and the leafs and canes have been winning games this year for and because of each other, and that starts with their coaches. what makes a great coach, to me, is not the talent on the team (though that certainly helps), but how the coach manages his players no matter who they are, and how he helps those players grow not just as players as people, because no matter how much pure stats people and twitter hockey dudebros wanna deny it, that shit does affect on ice play, and it does make good players better.

so theres my analysis of the best coaches and gms of the nhl, im so sorry this is so long, oh my god. also, shoutout to @bishops--knifetrick for sending me an ask about this literally a month ago that i just never answered, sorry for that, but here i hope this is good. :)

#anon #answered #hockey info #wow this took legit like several hours to write between stints of taking care of the baby #ok to rb lmao

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ijoinedtoomanyfandomsilosttrack · 4 years ago

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i have decided to live blog my reactions to the new netflix winx saga bc i heard it's apparently bad?? currently all i know abt it was they replaced techna and flora and also theres white-washing and fatphobia?? idk anyway i'm starting with ep 1

thoughts:

its definitely not 'colorful magical girls' like the original cartoon was

"feckin' sheep"

OH ITS DEFINITELY NOT COLORFUL MAGICAL GIRLS WHAT THE HELL THAT WAS A FULL ON SHEEP (?) CORPSE YOOOO I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT???? MAN IM NOT SCARED OF GORE BUT THAT CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD

big scary beast pog?

yeah,,, theres gore in there. rip farmer/shepherd dude

okay i have to give them credit for that pretty dope intro. its not the winx club theme but hey i kinda like it

ooooh this music is dope. time to add it to my spotify playlist

hmmm im assuming redhead girl is bloom?

girl with the plants is definitely flora (or whoever she is now)

blonde is deffo stella or smthin

girl with the headphones is musa i think

who's the dude?? i dont remember the names of the dudes in the original winx

Are they still using Bloom's backstory as like the princess (?) of a kingdom??

wAIT DO THEY STILL HAVE THEIR PETS?? LIKE BLOOM'S BUNNY??

"Wow. You are so lost. I'm impressed by your confidence in the face of complete ignorance. Issue is, you're overcommitted. I mean, you're essentially running." Did I somehow miss some backstory?? What is up with this dude what is going on??

man i dont like the blond dude?? what is going on?? i am confused??

i don't remember bloom's whole backstory but i think the show's still using it??

dude did a full 180

"Sorry, I'd be happy to--" "Mansplain it?" i would've loved this line more if bloom was a bit more petty than smiley

NEVERMIND SHE IS A LITTLE BIT PETTY HDJWKKEJG (edit: nope she's tryna flirt)

oh they have british accents but bloom is american

"Oh how very american of you." HSJDJKFKG

MAGIC RING WITH A PRETTY DESIGN POG

HAJDJFKKEKWJE OKAY SO FAR I REALLY LIKE STELLA???

transformation magic has been lost as they evolved?? thats definitely not foreshadowing for the winx's abilities /s

Hhhhh bloom probably committed arson /hj

Yeah she definitely committed arson (albeit accidentally)

can we get more characters in here? like ik bloom's the protag but please i need more characters

oop all the girls are dorm mates

"Lady of the Flies, don't be sexist" IK THIS WAS A JOKE BUT WHAT THE

OHHHHHHH AISHA POG!! Yeah yeah i remember her, her name back in the cartoon seemed to alternate(?) from Aisha and Layla!! She had the bubble powers!!

BLOOM'S A RAVENCLAW/SLYTHERIN POG

ah yes the classic magic is linked to emotion trope i love that!!

Oh flora's name is terra now okay. Not quite a fan of the name change, but hey

OH HER COUSIN'S NAME IS FLORA JGJFKKGKH

she's so chatty bc of nerves and yeah,, i can relate

headphone girl's eyes turned pinkish purple what?? she used magic??

Terra is me when talking to people

man headphone girl wasn't even talking to me and I got hit with that rsd

Okay i got the confirmation that headphone girl's name is musa alrighty

specialists?? what are those??

i dont like how this riv guy acts

i dont like how all of the guys act so far

yeah no i dislike most of the men who have had lines in the past 12 minutes

OHHHH BLOND DUDE'S NAME IS SKY

wait isn't he supposed to have long hair??

The teacher man is kinda scary

Oh so specialties are like soldiers or smthn

burned ones?? oh??

riv literally left the barrier to smoke?? bruh

the burned ones sounds so scary but man are the hollows from miss peregrines home for peculiar children are scarier

RIP riv this mf is gonna die

eeeeehh gross gore

mmmmm heres the fatphobia

beatrix doesn't give me good vibes

mmmmmm mom of the year award goes to bloom's mom. like ik ik youre worried but you didnt have to call your child a weird loner??? that shit hurts man (am i speaking from personal experience? mayhaps)

oh yay another sky and bloom interaction /s

i am begging this show to make one of the winx gay pleaseee

or bi

please just don't make all of them cishet

(who am i kidding,, they're all gonna end up in cishet relationships)

Are sky and stella exes??

bloom really found out that there aren't any people outside the barrier and dipped from the party even though it might be dangerous. mood

ooh pretty firefly thingies

yeah bloom deffo committed arson

arson pog

she's gonna straight up cause a forest fire

UH OH SHE CANT CONTROL IT

WATER FAIRY AISHA POG

Mmmm i dont like blooms parents

OH CHANGELING BLOOMS A CHANGELING

MMMMM MS DOWLING SUS VOTE HER OUT

I DONT LIKE RIV FUCK THAT GUY

FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH YOUR FATPHOBIA BITCH

yeah get his ass terra gET HIS ASS

Man alfea got that sweet cell signal

stella doesn't want bloom in alfea alrighty

musA IS A MIND FAIRY?? I THOUGHT SHE WAS A MUSIC ONE??

bruh stella i take whatever nice thing i said about you

man i miss my girl techna

give me my tech fairy back

"y'know you don't have to be okay." bitCH YOU CALLED HER A WEIRD LONER AND TOOK HER DOOR

mmmmm okay bloom's mom im giving you one more chance do not fuck it up

weird creepy building ew

oh its where she slept in

oop she gonna get jumped by burned ones

OOP SHE LOST THE RING

yeah fuck this im skipping i hate scenes like these

FUCK THE BURNED ONE TOOK THE RING

yeah sky and stella were exes

yeah no stella you gotta live the consequences of ur actions

Beatrix and riv are a duo that i do not need

terra is tryna reach out aw

oooh musa's an empath

oh okay ms. dowling isnt as sus anymore okay

who the hell is this rosalind character??

lmao watch her be bloom's bio mom

hooded character???? who are you???

OH GOD SHE'S A TRIX (?) like the one with the lightning powers

WAIT BEATRIX

FUCK

me: i've connected the dots

also me: you didn't connect them

FUCK SHES FREEIN THE BURNED ONE DAMNIT

FUCK I CALLED IT

final conclusion: so far i hate like half of all the characters in this show. the literal only people i trust is ms. dowling, terra, aisha, and the kid that riv picked on. everyone else i mildly dislike (stella) or can go fuck themselves (riv)

#b is liveblogging #cursing #i am not putting this in the tags lmaoooo #winx saga spoilers

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moonlightreal · 4 years ago

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Fate Episode Two

Last time on Fate: Silva was surprisingly interesting, Stella was surprisingly pitiable, and Terra was surprisingly badass. What surprises await in episode two?

In which we have a magic class.

Promising start, Silva and Dowling walking in beautiful Irish landscape, talkin’ worldbuilding! The “Blackwoods massacre.” Silva killed thirteen, or at least helped kill thirteen.

They’re going to check on the Burned One they have doped to the gills and locked up in a shed. Dowling is going to read its mind and hopes to find it’s the only one around. Dowling crouches down by the Burned One and her eyes glow silver. So she’s a Mind Fairy like Musa, I guess. She gets flashes of the Burned One killing the shepherd and chasing Bloom.

But WE know Beatrix came and woke this Burned One up, so we weren’t surprised when it leaps for the grownups!

Opening sequence! Still good music.

Bloom waking up. Aisha’s already been up for hours. Aisha suggests, “get up! Be excited! Today you get to learn to use your magic!”

Waking up montage! Musa and Terra being friendly. Terra asks Musa if she can detect lies or “social niceties” heh. A sensible question, Terra! But Mua’s not a lie detector, just emotions. But it seems like she can feel every single emotion Terra feels in realtime, which… how would you LIVE? How far is her range, if it’s just the closest person the school should’ve giver her her own room, if it’s all the girls how has she not gone completely barmy by now?

And of course Musa isn’t a walking lie detector, this show is going to have a “but who summoned the Burned Ones” plot and lie detection would mean no Plot!

Terra’s changind in the bathroom and Aisha comes in and sits down on the toilet just right in front of her and then strips and hits the shower also right in front of her. O_o Terra flusters and looks away, clearly full of shame about her own body compared to Aisha’s. Poor Terra. Aisha seems oblivious, she just asks if anyone’s seen Stella.

Cut to Stella walk of shame coming in.

Musa: ‘That outfit looks similar to yesterday’s. Same designer?”

Buuuurn! Ok, that’s mean but after Stella’s “they expect me to care about how I look” last episode Musa is kinda delivering karma here.

Bloom hears them talking and comes out of her room to say the Burned One took the portal ring. Stella’s upset. Musa: “Calm down, princess.”

Yep, Stella’s a princess! “My mom is the queen and the ring you lost is one of the crown jewels of Solaria. That might not mean much to a First Worlder so feel free to ask your suitemate how much of a screwup that is!”

Aisha brings the logic: “Almost as big as giving it to her in the first place.’

They say Dowling has the Burned One locked up, if it was loose in the First World even for a little while that’d be a disaster. Stella dribbles the idiot ball saying nobody should tell dowling about the ring, she’ll figure out what to do after class. “and can someone make sure Terra knows that? She can never keep her mouth shut.” and Stella opens the door and there’s happy Terra squirming into a vest that looks like it doesn’t fit but sunny as a daisy.

Cut to Beatrix with her hair down walking up some stairs. She’s going to Dowling’s office again, to “see if she needs an escort” down to the stone circle where the first-year class is being held. But obviously she really came hoping nobody would be there so she could snoop. Also, beatrix has an interesting pendant that might be magic or not. I don’t think they had a big prop budget in this show; the portal ring wasn’t much.

Outside Iiiiiireland! Green! Waterfall! And here’s the stone circle! it’s not very big, the stones are low and the dolmens are actally seats. The first year class is less than twenty people, though we do see a few of fate’s minor fairies in the shot. Dowling has “the vessel’ a big silver dish, maybe two foot wide. Beatrix could’ve been trying to get her hands on that too.

Dowling teaches: “Magic lives in the very fabric of nature. And here in our circle of stone it’s magnified. The vessel tests your ability to channel that magic. Further down the line you may learn to connect with other elements but your first year is all about the element you were born with...”

And here the girls show off their powers as in the trailer.

“Earth. Soil, sand, rock, and all manner of plant life.” terra looks so happy as she coaxes ivy vines up.

“Water. The lakes and oceans of the world, or the molecules that exist in all organisms around us.’ So could Aisha do bloodbending? Or pull water out of a person ‘til they drop from dehydration? How dark is this show gonna go?

“The mind. Thoughts, memories, dreams.” Poor Musa just holds a bubble of ripply air and her eyes glow purple. They could at least have given her some glowy lines around her eyes like Psyloche or Jean Grey in her pre-fiery incarnations. And yeah, “mind” instead of ‘spirit’ for the sixth element it does WORK it just...

“I know! Let’s base magic on the traditional magical elements! That’ll be a fresh new take!” Said every fantasy showrunner ever. Smh. One of the cool things in Winx was that it opened way more possibilities. Telekinetic-flute Musa would’ve been more fun than this Musa whose power so far just makes her and Terra’s roommate life difficult. I hope there’s good plot reason for it all later.

“Air. Speed, temperature, sound, its power. And electrical properties.” Beatrix stretches lightning between her hands and smirks and sideeyes like the villainess she thinks she is. So is Beatrix The Flash? Can she create phantom sounds, maybe mimic voices? Freeze people? Be nice if she could freeze people, give her one of Icy’s tricks. And if she can throw lightning… uh, that’s a lot of powers for one person. Who is a baddie.

“Whatever your element, the emotions underlying it are the same for all fairies.”

Bloom gets up to take her turn. Her eyes flame up but she’s not getting much more than sparks. The other students look at each other and snicker. Dowling says, ‘focus on clear, positive feelings.” and Aisha like a bonehead says, ‘What about your parents? Focus on how much you love them?” Aisha, not ten minutes ago in this episode Bloom told you she was trying not to have feelings about this changeling thing. You’re an idiot.

Bloom says it’s not working. Dowling says feel don’t think, and Musa singsongs something to Aisha that I couldn’t catch after rewinding 3 times. Finally Bloom just says, ‘It’s not happening, can we please move on?” and we cut to class being over and they’re all leaving.

Bloom says to Dowling, ‘I’m either on the verge of killing everyone or I can barely light a match.” Dowling says she just needs a clear mind, “Distraction can cause magic to be erratic.”

And then Dowling says, “So we have exercise classes, meditation classes, and I’ve signed you up to talk with a specialist fairy councilor to help you figure out your relationship with your parents...” oh wait, no she doesn’t. She turns away.

Bloom bursts out, ‘Am I a changeling?” and says how Aisha told her. Dowling’s face confirms it. ‘i didn’t want to burden you with too much too quickly.

Bloom: “So instead you let me learn from teenagers, the most gentle and reliable sources of information.’ Ahahahaha! Love it! So self aware.

Dowling admits that was not ideal, then snaps at Bloom when she says, ‘Ya think?” Bloom deflates. She asks who her real parents are but Dowling doesn’t know. Just, ‘Come to class every day, you focus, you learn, you grow. Eventually the answers will come.” She turns away.

Bloom: “Cryptic and vague just like everything else in this place.” Iknowright? I’m starting to feel less like Dowling is sus and more like Dowling is just a bad teacher. Why was there no, “And I will help you find out.’ Dowling suspects Bloom is a very important changeling and knows her magic can be very destructive, why isn’t she working harder to get Bloom what she needs to become an emotionally put-together nondangerous fairy?

We go from here to the Specialists doing martial arts! Sky and Riven are watching Dane and a girl face off. Apparently last year Riven was kind of a hopeless case until sky befriended him.

Sky goes off to see Stella, who’s coming over, and Riven gets up to creepy-flirt with Dane. Apparently Dane accidentally putting a like on one of Riven’s sexy pics is something that could ruin him before the whole school? I guess it could out him. There is something sexual in Riven’s menacing, he’s sitting right next to Dane with their faces close together.

And then Riven un-creeps completely and starts giving Dane advice about “chose your friends wisely, focus. Being a good specialist is about strategy not how big and strong you are.” then he calls a big specialist named Mikey over for a bout and takes him down handily. He turns to Dane with a big wholesome grin, “You see?”

Uh. I guess Riven is your standard perv; when he’s not being creepy he’s very likeable. Makes you want him to not be the kind of guy he so clearly is.

Over with Sky, Stella’s asking him where they might keep the Burned One. Sky says he’ll break out the maps, and suggests they tell Dowling. But Dowling took an oath to the queen, and if the queen found out Stella lost the ring… Stella looks teary-scared. What of, exactly? She hugs Sky and maybe it’s just my pity for this poor washed-out Stella but I do get the vibe that she’s not being a queen bee, she’s scared and Sky is helping her and it’s not about romance. Then silva comes over and she covers it up with, “so just let me know about the Celtic runes quiz when you find out. Thanks Sky.”

Huh. Using earth runes for Otherworld magic. I feel an extra post about this comin’ on.

Stella leaves. Silva doesn’t even have to give Sky a look, Sky says, ‘you don’t have to lecture me, I’m lecturing myself for it in my head.’ Heh. And Silva says, ‘My guess is you would ignore your own lectures as well.’ Hah! And they have a great little teacher-student chat. Silva promised Sky’s dad to look after him, and the famous Andreas of Eraklyon would’ve said the same thing but with more profanity. Heh.

Is Sky’s dad dead? I got the vibe he died in the last magic battle with the Burned Ones but I don’t think they’ve actually said it. Anyway, good lil scene there, show!

We go now to Bloom’s room where she has, ooh! A spell book! Of Celtic runes! It’s a fat book, and ok I only know the Norse runes but there’s only 24 of ‘em and you could maybe squeeze out a few pages of meanings and uses for each one plus readings and ok if you added lots and LOTS of spells... And the Celts didn’t use runes, strictly speaking, they used the Ogham alphabet which is basically runes being an alphabet of straight lines but it does have its own name.

Her other book is called Magical Flora and Fauna.

While she unpacks these books from her bag Bloom is on the phone with her mom. Bloom describes her roommate as, ‘Perfect. Overachiever, athlete, morning person...’ and mom says, ‘and you get to spend so much time with her...” just savoring it, but in a joking way. This conversation was very sweet. And Bloom’s mom has a watch set to Switzerland time so she knows it’s time for Bloom to go to bed. that’s really sweet. It’s clear Bloom’s parents do love her, but how regular were meltdowns like the one that set the house on fire? Like Riven, people can be both great people and horrible people.

And they are so unlike Mike and Vanessa that I’m not calling them Mike and Vanessa. Fate clearly didn’t mean for them to be the same characters.

Late afternoon outside. Beatrix approaches Riven and enlists him to break into Dowling’s office because he seems like a “proper delinquent.” and also “because you’re a guy and I’m hot.” Pfft! Uh. Go, Beatrix? Own your power? “Or did I underestimate the depth of your character?” Heh. Beatrix heads off without waiting for Riven’s answer.

In the cafeteria Aisha and Musa get dinner. Aisha is wearing a bright yellow ankle-length skirt what is with the costumes in this show! At least Musa’s got her appropriately colored red jacket. She talks about her power being always on and how that makes crowded places a nightmare, and reads some people’s minds. Then she reads one guy’s mind and meaningful music plays. What is this?

They go sit with Terra and Bloom and Aisha is again on the ball trying to help Bloom figure out her emotions so she can control her magic because she’s worried bloom’s too distracted by the changeling thing. And yeah everybody knows about that now.

Terra: “Oh is that why you were freaking out about the vessel that makes so much sense because that’s about the easiest assignment we’ll have aaaaand I’m making it worse.” Musa had to signal Terra to shut up, but good save. The girls are being nice to each other, I like that. Aisha is epically bad at the skill of helping, but she is trying to help. Gee, if only there were school councilors who had studied the skill of helping!

Stella and Sky come over with a map of Alfea and Terra starts pointing out all the locations and starts a story from her childhood and even Stella’s glare won’t shut her up.

Sky sits down by Bloom and asks if she’s ok after last night. “I think you’re freaking out and pretending you’re not.”

Poor Stella can’t decide who she hates more, chattering Terra or talkin’-to-my-guy Bloom! Hope Stella gets her head on straight about Sky soon. After Musa and Riven in season 8 my eyes have run out of roll. 9_9

They figure out the likliest place for the Burned One to be chained up and Stella says, “We just have to go there and get my ring.” But Musa and Aisha say this isn’t a “we” problem, more of a “you” problem. Stella pulls out her worst side and says to Bloom, “But ‘I’ didn’t lose it.” and Bloom’s down to go. Even knowing she has no control over her magic. But the Burned One is chained up and drugged with some oil that Terra’s father makes. Called Zambak or something. They can maybe get some more. that’s sensible. Nasty Stella says, ‘thank you Terra, thank you Bloom for taking responsibility, and everyone else thanks for… nothing.’ and smirks and gathers up her map.

Yeesh, Stella’s catty!

Also, how do they know Dowling and Sliva haven’t already searched the Burned One? Do Burned Ones have pockets? And Burned Ones carry a disease that kills you if you get scratched by one, so is it even safe to touch them at all? Does Stella have a plan for a magical hazmat suit or something? Have y’all really thought this through?

I think Bloom stealth rolls her eyes at the cattyness, and then she goes outside. To what looks like a hedge maze with a pond where IS this place? Sky follows and says, ‘You don’t have to go along with what Stella says just because she’s got a… strong personality.” But Bloom’s mind is made up which makes her also a strong personality.

Sky awkwardly explains he dated Stella last year and they had a rough breakup, trying to set out his situation for Bloom so she won’t think he’s ‘that guy’ but Bloom sensibly points out they only met yesterday and she already has enough complication in her life.

Meanwhile our conspirators are working out Dowling’s schedule in a library somewhere. Riven knows already! Dowling’s secretary is named Callan.

And Riven is trying soooo hard to prove he’s a bad boy. Hood up, pouring booze from a decanter, saying he smokes weed with his vape. If you gotta try that hard, you have already failed.

Beatrix meanwhile is petting the books. She’s not after test answers, she’s beyond the stuff they teach. She wants secrets. “the history of this place is a lot darker than Dowling an the rest of the faculty want us to know.’

Riven: “So wait you’re like some hot fucked-up history nerd.’ Heh.

And Beatrix comes over and sits on Riven and the camera thankfully doesn’t make us watch them making out!

Musa’s in the cafeteria, she detects that guy again. She follows him-- to a closed door.

Bloom’s gone back to the stone circle! The vessel is still there, which seems stealable, and we see it’s full of crystals. Bloom opens her red notebook and we see her notes “clear mind = emotional control + stronger magic” and “positive magic > lasts longer.” But just as she starts trying to summon fire…

“I hear you’re broken. In more ways than one.” Stella, that was mean and that costume does nothing for you. Are long skirts in style in Italy? Heck, they could be in style in America for all I know, I haven’t seen other people in ten months.

Stella briefly acts nice, telling Bloom her notes are the problem magic has to come by feel. Then she turns and starts a mocking list of things she thinks Bloom might have listed as sources of positive emotion. Then Stella goes for the changeling thing, and pushes Bloom to use her rage to call fire. Bloom summons fire and jumps back. Stella says, ‘What? You think you’re done?” So Stella is going to just abuse Bloom to get her magic working? Great, just great. Ugh. I suppose later on she’ll say, “It had to be done, we didn’t have time for you to figure it out the normal way.’ and that’ll be fine and nobody will punish Stella for creating a danger to herself and the whole school.

Also, Stella goes for “worthless changeling” which ok anything will be nasty in that voice but what’s wrong with being a changeling? not like Bloom had any say in what her parents did when she was just born. And Aisha called it barbaric… was changeling-swapping used for some awful purpose back in ancient times that created a stigma? What? I sense worldbuilding, and Fate you’d better deliver!

Or there is no stigma to being a changeling and Stella’s just poking Bloom where it hurts. Or if Stella knows about the mysterious Rosalinda she may have put the dates together and realized Bloom could be the daughter of the great heroine and destined for main-characterhood. And Stella may be getting jealous.

Also 2, Stella’s basically using Sith philosophy. Didn’t you ever see Star Wars, Stella? Heck, maybe she has and she’s doing it on purpose.

Also 3, I may need to do a separate post about magic and emotion. It’s easier to get to angry from happy than to happy from… anywhere. it’s just how brains work. So everybody ever would discover rage works better and… I don’t even know where the worldbuilding would have to go from there.

Ok. That was a lot of thoughts and my mid-episode break on a Friday night. (dinner, watched some Classic Doctor Who, wrote some fanfic, went to bed, got up, wrote more fanfic, walked my pokemons, and here we are again.) We rejoin the episode at definitely-night at Alfea. Dowling has no lighting in her office. Silva comes in saying the other realms have had zero Burned Ones sightings. Silva wants to move the Burned One to the queen’s prison before the students start trying to find it. Silva is a sensible guy. (also his first name is Saul, which I learned already on Tumblr. I’m not the only one who thinks he’s a good character it seems.)

And I guess Dowling goes along with it because here come 3 black SUVs from the queen’s army, lookin’ very Jurassic Park as they roll across the fields. No roads around Alfea I guess. Doomful music plays. I think something very Jurassic Park is about to happen to these poor guys…

Also, it’s day when before it was night. Is it the next day? A few days on? Time & lighting in this show!

The soldiers stop when they see a dark figure, but it’s just someone in a cloak. There’s a growl…

The girls waking up! I guess it’s the morning of day 3 now. Aisha makes her bed as Bloom snoozes away. Aisha sees Bloom’s notebook, conveniently left open to Bloom’s notes about “Is Stella right that I should use hatred and fear?” Aisha is concerned that her roommate is considering the ways of the Sith.

She talks to Musa about it on the way to (I presume) breakfast. Bloom and Stella were ouit late last night. But Musa thinks Aisha is just jealous that Bloom and Stella may be becoming friends. And Musa’s eyes glowed so I guess that’s what Aisha was thinking? Aisha changes the subject to the boy Musa’s chasing. Musa says she senses him behind her but there’s nobody there… then he Kitty Prydes it in through the wall. ‘Mystery solved. Earth fairy.” and Aisha just calls him over and introduces the two of them and says Musa’s been stalking him. As Musa quietly swears hatred to Aisha’s children unto generations, but is kind of laughing too. Musa turns and Sam says, ‘Lucky me.” and Aisha leaves them to get acquainted.

We go to Terra in the greenhouse where she’s doing planty things and teaching Dane chemistry. They have pipettes in the Otherworld, and they’re called pipettes. Dane has a glass chemistry apparatus. Is he doing chemistry or potions? ‘Cause they are two different disciplines!

Terra coaxes a flower from a bud with her magic, and Dane says it’s cool. Cute scene.

Interrupted by Riven texting to ask if Dane is training or busy picking flowers.

More cuteness, Dane teases Terra asking if she’s making drugs, apparently meth exists in the Otherworld too, and Terra tells him about the anti-Burned One oil she’s making. Dane is helping with preparation while Terra does the magic bits.

Riven sends a picture of someone picking petals off a flower and Dane says he has to go. Poor Terra is abandoned.

Riven is in a dark room smoking. He shows Beatrix his phone and she says, ‘Homophobic gay-bashing via gif. Truly you’ve reached your peak clever.” Riven explains he doesn’t care if Dane is gay, he wants to make him less lame. Well-intentioned bullying. That is weirdly thought-out, Riven.

Sky comes in so I guess we’re in Sky and Riven’s dorm. Beatrix offers him her vape pen and he declines. Riven isn’t worried about having a girl in the boys’ dorm because Silva went off to meet the soldiers coming for the Burned One. Beatrix knows Sky is dating Stella and asks if it’s weird having sex with someone who looks just like him and I snicker. Sky is unmoved.

Beatrix heads off to the library and Sky says, “I don’t have time to tell you all the reasons that is a bad idea.” Riven just waves it off.

Over with Bloom and Aisha, Bloom’s trying to write a paper when Aisha interrupts to spill the beans about seeing the notebook and says Stella’s “methods are unreliable” and she’s maybe not the best magic teacher. Bloom just focuses on “you read my notebook?” and asks Aisha to stop trying to help.

Stella arrives in that big olive coat to say the Burned One is about to be moves, their mission needs to happen now. The coat is something the real Stella would never wear in a million years, but I find myself approving of a practical choice in adventure wear.

Sam and Musa are chatting happily. Sam is trying to guess what he sounds like in Musa’s head. Guess she heard emotion as music. Musa says he sounds like “an absence of chaos.” And sam describes his power which he calls “boring through anything natural.” I’ll just call it phasing because obviously.

Terra texts Musa for help in the greenhouse. I do believe we’re leaping into action.

Stela, Bloom and Aisha stride across the grounds. Aisha calls Stella “Army Barbie” so wait they have Barbie dolls in the Otherworld? How does that work, pallets of dolls get spirited away from the Mattel factory? Stella spends a long time saying Aisha was not invited. But Aisha is coming along, they need her.

Stella: “I fixed her.”

Aisha: “Negative emotions are unreliable. They have limits. Your method won’t help her in the long run.”

Bloom points out neither of them are helping at the moment. Stella and Musa arrive and the five of them cross the barrier to go find the Burned One.

They find the barn quick, but the Burned One is already gone. Stella again sounds teary and holds the chains saying “No, my mum’s going to kill me...”

Musa gets a bad vibe and she and Terra follow it. Suddenly Musa is struck down by a blast of empathic pain. Ah crap, here are the soldiers, very dead! Oh good, Silva is just grievously wounded.

But Bloom lagged behind at the barn. Aisha and Stella go look for her while Terra and Musa hopefully save one of the three adults in the cast.

Bloom is wandering through the forest, summoned by magic one assumes because this is a bad time to wander off.

Yikes, poor Silva is infected with Burned One venom and not in his right mind! Luckily Terra takes charge, vines the guy up before he can stab them, and tells Musa, ‘He’s scared, I’m not. Focus on me.” the anti-Burned One oil will help with the infection.

Aisha and Stella follow Bloom through the dark forest. Stella tries to summon light but can’t make it work and Aisha says, ‘I don’t have time for this, go back to school.” and walks off. So the three of them are now separated.

And there’s the Burned One! It runs at Bloom, who sends fire at it. Even being on fire doesn’t slow it down but Aisha sends a wave that tosses it into a tree, impaling it through the chest on a branch! The girls creep in for a closer look and they see Stella’s ring, that the Burned One has buried in its flesh! We don’t see that. The girls waffle about who should pull it out-- did none of you bring a pocket knife? A stick? Don’t touch the highly infectious monster! But Bloom reaches in with her actual hands and grabs the ring and they flee.

Stella did go back to school. She finds Sky and tells him what happened, that the Burned One got loose. Sky immediately goes from, “How?” to “How are you?” making him a class A good dude. Stella begins to cry and says her magic wouldn’t work. Sky says, “Tell me everything.” when below in the cafateria Musa and Terra enter with the injured Silva. Terra takes charge, ordering medical help and for Dane to come help them get Silva to the greenhouse. I guess there’s no infirmary here? Maybe all the medicines are potions. Beatrix runs to get Dowling and Sky and Stella rush down to help.

And we learn Sam is Terra’s brother.

Beatrix rushes into Dowling’s office, tells the news, and Dowling and Callan rush out. Leaving Beatrix right where she wants to be. She lightnings up her hands and Dowling’s secret passage slides right open for her.

Down in the greenhouse Terra’s dad Harvey says, ‘You saved his life, I’m so proud of you.” and Terra glows. Silva is battered but himself again and tells Sky he’ll be fine and sends the students out before telling the adults the real news. The Burned One was freed and waiting for them.

Beatrix can’t get through the secret door. There’s a barrier on it. Dowling’s assistant Callan comes in and catches her, but he’s a baddie too! He says turning loose the Burned One was a good distraction but he can’t get through the trap on the secret door because he’s not a fairy and that’s why “he” sent Beatrix.

The plot thickens! A mysterious boss-villain has emerged! And Beatrix, that is a lot of lipstick.

Evening of day 3, getting ready for bed in the dorm. Terra texted, Silva will be ok but they should prepare for a lecture. But bloom’s more interested in teasing Aisha about her toothbrush.

Stella turns up and says while the others were in the woods she was covering for them at school and Bloom should be grateful. Which is a total lie. Bloom returns the ring, joking about what she had to do to get it and Stella says right over her, ‘let;s never talk about this day again.” and leaves.

Sky arrives. And looks at Bloom, then goes into Stella’s room. The door shuts behind them with great finality.

So… does “being turned on” count as an emotion for the purposes of magic? That would make the worldbuilding very odd indeed. We’d have the Sith and the… hmm… Bacchanates? Supposedly followers of Bacchus who ran around drinking, having orgies, and tearing apart small animals with their bare hands in the lust of the hunt. They probably didn’t exist in our world, but in the Fate world they’d make sense.

Also would people with mental illnesses have stronger magic? Bipolar mania is a heckofathing from what my psych textbooks say.

Anyway Bloom and Aisha talk before going to bed, Aisha apologizes for helping too much, says it’s all new to her too. Bloom says she wandered off from the barn because she felt something. “a connection to that thing.” She talks about how she’s kind of given up on understanding but, “opening up emotionally the magic’s all around me. And that’s new and kinda scary.”

A meaningful silence falls, and when Aisha looks over Bloom’s eyes have gone blank white!

Boring ending music this time. i guess the themes from this episode are 1) lots of characters do really awful things and also likeable things. either this show has nuanced characters or it doesn’t know what the heck it’s doing with its characters. I’m not sure. and 2) Has this magic=emotion thing really been thought through?

#fate the winx saga

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ahiddenpath · 4 years ago

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Hidden’s Life

Chit chat below the cut. Warning: there’s a lot of stressors right now, so if you’re not wanting to hear about stressors, please skip.

I feel like I haven’t kept up with these as usual? I’m not really sure? TIME IS MEANINGLESS. Where do I even...

I’ve been reporting to work in person for... I dunno, 6-8 weeks, ish? In some ways, it’s been nice- I genuinely love what I do, so being in the lab again is dope. In others, it’s been difficult. I try to report from 3-7 to avoid most of my coworkers- most of them have children in daycare, so they are sort of... prime vector candidates, although it’s not their fault. And then we have people who do everything they can to not wear the damned mask properly (and WE ARE SCIENTISTS! WE KNOW BETTER! LORD!).

I’m getting a new manager at work, which worries me a little, but not too much. I like the new manager a lot. Mostly, though, I have to put my foot down about his existing report. There’s this guy at work who is super helpful, but also sexist. If you were around when I was complaining about someone throwing biohazardous waste at me and only stopping when I threatened to go to HR, it’s that guy. He tried to give me a project of his without talking to our actual boss. I went to my current boss (who is only my boss for like... two more weeks) and said, “Just to be clear, I take orders from new boss, not sexist guy, yes?” He kind of laughed and said, “Yes, that’s correct.”

So, basically, I have to use my shiny “Boundary Enforcing” skills.

Selling our old home continues to go terribly. Our last buyers had a pre-approval letter, but then no bank would give them a loan... Which they told us ON CLOSING DAY, aka the VERY LAST MOMENT, after we spent $2,400 doing things to the house they wanted. Our new buyers have a great offer, but they are being so pedantic that I’m almost like... Do I need a lawyer?! They threw a fit because our new HVAC system uses the old steel casing- literally EVERYTHING is brand new except the steel box. They wouldn’t believe us. They wouldn’t believe the work order and invoice. THEY LITERALLY DEMANDED TO TALK TO THE DUDE WHO INSTALLED IT.

It’s an “as-is,” but they asked for four items... One of which already worked. I think their inspector must be really... bad. We literally had to hire a licensed specialist to look at our dishwasher and say, “Yep, that works.” What a great use of $100...

They pushed an addendum saying all work done to the house would be done by licensed specialists (which, everything has been? We literally gave them all the invoices?!), so my husband and I made all these calls to make sure everyone had “licenses” and figure out what that meant, legally. Just... how pedantic they are makes me feel like they’re trying to trap us, somehow? Like, “AHA they only have CERTIFICATION, not a LICENSE! ERGO YOU ARE IN BREACH OF CONTRACT!”

It’s been so much. I feel like I should be so happy in my new house, but I haven’t had time/mental space to think about it? Happily, I no longer feel like I’m invading someone else’s space. The last owners lived here for 32 years. I felt like the space wasn’t mine- it belongs to some unknown people, and they chose all of the colors/fixtures, and they’re going to show up and be like, “WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?!” That feeling is gone now, but it also doesn’t feel like home?

Basically, I think we need to sell the old house before I feel settled... But things keep imploding with that process. Meanwhile, there’s covid stress and election stress and... Heck, like, I still have my job, and so does my husband, so I feel like I can’t possibly complain? But it’s still A Lot?

Oh! But we are taking the week after next off! That’s nice. I haven’t had a vacation since March 2018. We were supposed to go to Japan this year... Obviously, that’s not happening, and I doubt it will be on the table in 2021, either, with the pandemic. And I know that, with cold weather and holidays coming up, America will see a huge surge in covid cases and deaths... It’s already starting in colder parts of the country.

(As someone who works in developing medicines in the biotech industry, um... Things are looking real bad with the covid situation/immediate future outlook in America. As we move into the colder months, please, please know that indoor gatherings are even more dangerous than outdoor ones).

I haven’t watched Kizuna yet, because I feel like I can’t handle sad content! I know what happens from reading the novel, so it’s fine, but... You know it’s yikes when I can’t even enjoy digimans xD

I hope everyone is hanging in there.

#hidden's life

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newsshake5 · 4 years ago

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tfw-no-tennis · 4 years ago

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mtmte liveblog issue 11

and here we have to conclusion to the shadowplay arc...

clearly prowl hasn't seen national treasure smh

prowl, what exactly is confusing you about ‘secret government-sanctioned brainwashing facility’

the fact that prowl was willing to go so strongly against his morals to protect chromedome...oof bro

so the senator is basically professor x and all the outliers are mutants. got it

senator shockwave was just a sexy thot who wanted justice....poor guy

so there ARE gloves on cybertron...am I to just assume that the doctors don't like using them for some reason????? I mean tbf I've known a few medical professionals who don't wear gloves during certain procedures, like giving shots which, imo, yikes I would never, even simple vaccines can cause bleeding, but to each their own...are ppe rules not strict on cybertron, or is there a low risk of infection transfer due to the nature of cybertronian diseases? ah, the real questions

anyways. I should stop going on extremely off-topic medical rants

I relate to tailgate in his tendency to misspell. these liveblogs would be unreadable if it weren't for spellcheck

ouch, the fact that cd ‘never really forgave’ prowl for leaving the heist party w/out a word, even tho it turns out prowl stormed off w/a final request to keep cd safe and out of it all....cd and prowl are just a big tragic trainwreck huh

its interesting that skids used to be religious, when it seems like he isn't now. Wonder What Could Have Caused That Shift In Ideology! Hm!

oh my god I love how ironfist’s fanboy ranting about the primal vanguard is cut short just as he’s saying ‘a bomb disposal kit once used by-’ bc its like Oh I bet he was about to mention tailgate, yknow, the guy who (claims he) was the primal vanguard’s bomb disposal guy...that's such a great little detail

the stuff we hear from roller about senator shockwave is super interesting - it sounds like he’s been pretty aware of the state of society for a while, and has been trying to combat it from the inside...which isn't going so great, it seems, considering the state of society at the time.

also the whole ‘modifying people to hold the matrix (sometimes without their consent?)’ thing he’s got going on is. interesting. again, is there any sort of ethics laws on cybertron, seriously guys,

oof, op cares so much abt senator sw :( they were in love okay

red alert :(

rodimus is such an interesting character AUGH the fact that he takes red alert’s potential suicide to be a personal failing on his part as a captain...which, yknow, that idea has merit considering rodimus’s part in the whole overlord thing, as well as rodimus having told red alert that ‘everyone thought he was losing it.’ yeahhhhh, that's not quite the approach to take w/someone clearly suffering from a paranoid breakdown

poor magnus has no idea about all the overlord stuff, which is what triggered red alert’s breakdown

tho, magnus, idk that putting red alert in a cryofreeze chamber or w/e is the solution here. although maybe they’re all just at a loss bc cybertron’s only mental health specialist is current hanging out comatose in a bar

are we supposed to (retrospectively) read into rodimus and drift’s agreement to put red alert in storage as a way of covering up the overlord stuff? did they deduce that he figured out about overlord and that's what caused his breakdown? rodimus seems genuinely distressed about the whole cold storage situation, but is there more to it than ‘I failed as a captain bc this guy had a breakdown under my command’? I genuinely do not remember a lot about the overlord plot bc I was so confused the first time I read it and the second time I was too busy being extremely sad, so.

genuinely shocked that cybertron even has ‘health and safety inspections.’ it just figures that the one ratchet conducted wasn't an actual inspection, but an excuse to prepare for some good ole fashioned heisting

man I love a good heist/break-in

ok so skids rlly is just here for his grappling hook hvbhksddfjbjkdf my man

UH OH SENATE GOONS. never good

whoa, cybertronians have glenohumeral joints?? tho, ratchet says ‘glenohumeral socket,’ which doesn't exist in humans - we have a glenoid cavity/fossa/socket that articulates w/the head of the humerus to form the glenohumeral joint, so, close enough

anyways, that sure was a nonsequiter. ratchet busting out his lock picking skills is dope. do they teach that sorta stuff in cybertronian medical school? maybe its in place of the patient confidentiality lesson

seriously, ratchet sure knows a lot about bombs for a doctor. maybe they also cut out the courses on ppe and patient consent to make room for the cool stuff like BOMB CLASSES

op really DOES like jumping off stuff, doesn't he

oh no senator :(

JK HERES OP BUSTIN THRU A DUDES CHEST

oh no roller :(

‘remember me how I was’ NOOOO IM GONNA FUCKING CRY. SW AND OP MAKE ME SO SAD. GOD

op yeeted that matrix bomb like he was trying to make a touchdown or...something. not sure why I chose football, the only sport I dislike, as my metaphor here

lol it blew up a police station, nice

god, that reveal that the institute that we saw last issue was just one of many....and the one we saw was strikingly awful enough, so the fact that there's a ton more like that....oof

also, again, super interested in the fact that cd was involved in this arc where they see how scary and evil the institute is and then ended up working for the institute - well, the ‘new institute’ - later on

I'm weeping at the ‘big reveal’ for tailgate being that orion pax is optimus prime....its so funny that he didn't know that so it was a huge twist for him and absolutely nobody else hvbakdjhfbksjdf I love tailgate

also. is that the picture somebody drew of op for tg lmao

:D and then skids manages to wake rung up!!! all by getting his name wrong lmao. tho, maybe all the storytelling helped!

oh shit its zeta (prime?), here to talk to op, presumably about becoming the next space pope

HHHHHHHHHHHHHH GOD THAT REVEAL!!!!!!!!!!!!! BROOOOO the senator shockwave reveal slapped me right in the FACE the first time I read this, and that's saying something bc I seriously only understood like 40% of the shadowplay story my first readthru. but the shockwave reveal still had me SHOOK like oh god that was so fucking brutal. jesus

like the fact that the emotionless decpeticon shockwave used to have a completely different look and personality is already crazy enough, but then the tie-ins of empurata and shadowplay? brutal and amazing

like, this is the kinda retrospective backstory stuff that I love. it gives a lot of cool depth to both the characters and the world. I feel like it really helped cement concepts like empurata and shadowplay in the world

and just, AUGH The Reveal still gets me...im pretty sure in my first readhtru I only picked up the fact that the senator PURPOSELY hasn't been named during this issue, and I was kinda ready for some sort of reveal but also figured it could be someone I didn't know bc of my limited tf lore knowledge, but even I knew who shockwave was and phew that blew me away

that full-page art spread is fuckin banging also

anyways, shadowplay arc! I really enjoy this arc and all its genre-hopping goodness, and the framing device of the characters telling a story is a lot of fun. plus we get to see a lot of cool backstory for many characters, and got tons of great worldbuilding for jro’s pre-war cybertron.

I understood a lot more of the story upon my second (and now third) readthru of the series, which was super rewarding bc the first time I wasn't able to follow a lot of stuff (1st readthru I tended to assume that me being confused about something was due to my lack of previous knowledge of lore/story, so I didn't often analyze stuff seriously, or even employ critical thinking skills lmao).

also some gnarly stuff went on w/the red alert b-plot, which we’ll pick up with later....

#lj rereads mtmte

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icklemissmayhem · 4 years ago

Text

BTS Fic - Stones Thrown - Chapter 4

T/W: Shooting at a concert, Injury, Angst, Hurt/Comfort. Ao3 Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

If you’d told Jin 24 hours ago what would happen, and asked him to imagine how he’d feel, “lonely and a little bored” wouldn’t have ranked high on his list. And yet… True, it’s tempered with worry - for his dongsaengs, all six of them, though Taehyung, Yoongi along with the two ARMYs his parents had told him about who’d also been hurt and were also somewhere in the hospital are at the top of his list, but he’s just not accustomed to being alone these days, and the here and now isn’t exactly a convenient place and time to try and let his mind wander, when his mind is so uncharacteristically full of dark thoughts and worries. His parents had been allowed in to see him not long after he’d been brought upstairs, and they’d stayed for a while, his mother fussing over him even more than she usually did, insisting on holding the phone for him as he spoke to his brother briefly, arranging his belongings properly in the cabinet beside his bed, unfolding and re-folding the clothes in his hand-luggage bag which someone had obviously re-packed to bring to him in the hospital, tutting at the sweets she found tucked in there before leaving them in the case, instead telling him she would bring him some fruit and “proper” food that would get him and the others better. Jin, ever the dutiful son, let her fuss around him until she was satisfied, occasionally responding to questions, deflecting her scolding placatingly, and thanking her profusely for everything she was doing. His parents left once his mother was satisfied he was relatively alright after surgery, being well-looked after, and that he was settled on the ward, so with a final set of reminders to be polite to the hospital staff, to rest, to keep them informed of how he was feeling later, (after a sleep, his mother instructed pointedly) and other typical parental instructions, they left, saying they would return the following day. Jin immediately picked up his phone, quickly typing a message in the members’ group chat, letting them know he was on the ward, feeling relatively well, and hoping they would be able to see him soon. Within seconds, he received a string of emoji from both Jimin and Jungkook, followed by Hoseok telling him they were all fine, if a little tired, having spent the entire night at the hospital waiting for news, and reminding him to rest. Namjoon responded in their private conversation. <<Hyung! Glad you’re doing ok and your mother passed you your phone - Seijin is asking if he can come up to the ward to see you now, if I can I’ll come with him.>> Jin smiles at that, and the thought of the likely reaction of the others if Namjoon alone was allowed to accompany their manager to see him. After thinking for a moment, he responds. <<Joon-ah, it’d be good to see you. Try not to let the others complain too much if you do come. Tell them I said to wait and they can see all of us together when YG & TH get up here too. Thanks for getting me my phone, though I was worried my mother might keep it! Saw YG when he came out of surgery, he seemed ok>> -he grimaces as he remembers Yoongi’s dramatic entry to the recovery ward, but suppresses it, figuring there’s no point worrying their dongsaengs at the moment, and Yoongi was fine afterwards… <<but they brought me up here before TH came out of surgery. Have you heard how he is? Is he out yet?>> He sets the phone down within easy reach when he finishes typing, waiting for a response. He falls asleep before one comes though, tiredness and painkillers catching up with him. The next thing he’s aware of is low voices murmuring close by. They stop as soon as he moves, screwing up his face in confusion before cracking his eyes open to find Seijin and Namjoon sat near the end of his bed, both watching him intently. “Mmmn-nyeong.” he croaks, rubbing at his face with his hand, looking back at them both smiling at him. “Hyung, how are you feeling?” Namjoon questions, voice slightly muffled, No doubt because of the dressing covering his nose almost entirely. Jin raises an eyebrow, expression otherwise deadpan, before chuckling and answering. “Aish, Namjoon-ah, I don’t even know. Doped up? So all right, I suppose, considering. How are you doing?” he questioned back. “This?” Namjoon points at his nose, continuing when Jin nods. “Broken, thanks to-” “I saw. Did maknae speak to you about it?” Jin interrupts, making a point of emphasising JKs position as youngest before continuing, as Namjoon pointedly avoids making eye contact and Seijin shifts in his chair. “Namjoon..?” “He… he tried.” Namjoon mutters down to his lap, clearly uncomfortable. “I told him I didn’t want to hear it. Hyung, I-” “You were trying to keep him safe. I know.” Jin cuts him off, speaking softly. “And he was just trying to help Taehyung and I.” Namjoon looks up at that, surprised. “I saw what happened. And I know he’s sorry he hurt you, and he thinks you’re mad at him. Probably knows it now… and I bet neither of you has slept.” Seijin grins at that, as Namjoon looks down again, lips twisted. “I’ll talk to him, hyung.” He promises. “And I’ll make sure we get home and sleep. All of us.” Jin smiles as Namjoon finally makes eye contact fully, obviously feeling better for having a plan he can act upon. “Sounds good.” He agrees, smiling as Seijin busies himself in his phone, now that the potentially awkward conversation seems to have passed. “So, it’s broken then? You got it checked out, right?” Namjoon fixes him with a look, before sighing and replying. “Yes, I got it checked, yes, it’s broken, and-” he continues, holding up a hand as Jin goes to speak; “-they’re arranging an appointment with a specialist to make sure it heals as well as possible. Might even look better than before.” he finishes, jokingly, smiling widely as Jin chuckles. “Yah! There was nothing wrong with your nose before..!” Jin admonishes, Namjoon ducking his head, still grinning. “ARMY wouldn’t want you to change- mwoya?” he cuts himself off, as the grin slides off Namjoon’s face at the mention of their fans. “Hyung, did... do you know about-” Namjoon grimaces, before visibly stiffening and biting out the rest of his half-question, half-confession. “ARMY- two of them were hurt. They’re in the hospital too.” He looks up, Seijin too, both of them clearly gauging Jin’s reaction to the news. “Yes.” Jin answers shortly, huffing out a breath before continuing. “Appa told me earlier, but... I saw, I already knew, I think, back on the stage.” Namjoon winces, but Jin bulldozes over him as he opens his mouth - not needing an apology, or an explanation when Namjoon has nothing to do either for. “Yah, don’t even start... You did everything right. You helped Yoongi and Jimin get to safety, then helped Seok-ah with JK, made sure they were both safe too. I saw, and I was just glad you all got away quickly.” “But hyung, you and Taehyung-” “Will both be just fine. Hopefully the ARMYs will be too, I hope the company are-?” He pauses, looking at Seijin, who nods, confirming without words being exchanged that they’ll be receiving the same level of care as the injured members. Reassured, Jin turns back to Namjoon as he continues- “You should worry about your-” He gets cut off as a nurse bustles in, smiles at them all, before closing the curtain around his bed, disappearing from view as she does so. They look around, each just as confused as the other, before Seijin shrugs and goes back to tapping at his phone as her retreating footsteps echo in the sudden quiet. “That was weird.” Namjoon states flatly. Jin hums in response, still confused, and more than a little uneasy at no longer being able to see what’s going on around them. “I heard they do that when someone’s died” he murmurs almost to himself, unfortunately not quietly enough, as he’s met with a horrified “HYUNG!” from Namjoon, and an incredulous look from Seijin. “What?!” He defends himself. “It’s true, they-” He’s shushed none-too subtly as the sound of a trolley being wheeled up the corridor and people murmuring draws closer, so instead of saying ‘told you so’ he gestures silently but no less vehemently towards the noise. Which, oddly, seems to be drawing even closer, the squeaky wheel of the bed and the murmurs becoming clearer, before one stops, and the other reduces as they hear footsteps leaving, one voice continuing to speak quietly close by, before a final set of footsteps recede, leaving the bay once more almost silent. Namjoon stares at him, one eyebrow raised, jerking his thumb over his shoulder as he mouths “Do you think that’s..?” “Yoongi-yah?” Jin calls softly, just as a voice from behind the curtain hesitantly calls “Jin-hyung?” There’s a beat of silence before Namjoon bursts into giggles, covering his face with both hands as Jin gesticulating wildly, as best he can with one hand, for him, for Seijin, either of them, to open the curtain as Yoongi’s voice cuts across the room, slightly exasperated. “Yah! Namjoon-ah! I can hear you there too. Open the curtain, will you?!” Namjoon moves to comply, but it’s Seijin who stands up, motioning for him to stay where he is as he ducks through the curtain. Jin can hear him talk to Yoongi briefly, before his footsteps echo away down the corridor, presumably in search of a nurse to get a more accurate explanation of Yoongi’s condition, or to see how the rest of the members are. Whatever his reasons for leaving, it’s not long before Yoongi again demands Namjoon opens the curtains, and this time, he does so, rolling his eyes at the obvious, if unseen pout lacing his fellow rappers’ tone. “Joon-ah, how’s-” “Hyung, how are y-” “Yoongi, did you see-” They all start and stop immediately, before three grins split across their faces, as Namjoon crosses the bay, moving closer to Yoongi’s bedside. Jin motions for Yoongi to start, mainly so he gets an answer to his question first. “I saw Taehyung, but not for long. He was still out of it, not awake yet, anyway, but he’s out of surgery.” It feels like something suddenly unwinds in Jin’s chest when he hears that, some tension releases as he nods, exhaling heavily. “Was he-?” he asks, trailing off as Yoongi goes to interrupt him anyway, not that he minds, for once. “Asleep still, but they said he was ok.” “Yah, better than you when you came out of surgery.” Jin half-jokes, before biting his lip as Namjoon’s head whips round, looking from him to Yoongi, clearly worried. “What..?! hyung, wh- are you-” he starts, reaching out and gripping Yoongi’s hand, whether for his own or Yoongi’s comfort, Jin can’t tell, he doubts Namjoon knows either. “Joon-ah, I’m fine.” Yoongi reassures him quietly, calmly, whilst giving Jin a look that conveys exactly how displeased he is right now. “My surgery went well, they’re happy with me, so everything’s fine now.” he continues, turning his hand over to grip Namjoons just as tightly. “But Jin-hyung just-” Jin practically shrinks away from the glare Yoongi fixes him with as he continues reassuring Namjoon that he’s alright, nothing really happened, he just came round from the anaesthetic a bit quicker than expected. Which is true, Jin concedes silently to himself, even if it is sugar-coating the truth more than a little. Now Namjoon seems to have calmed down, he chances changing the subject, switching focus onto their leader. “Joon-ah, have you slept at all? You look like you need to rest..” He queries, knowing the answer as Namjoon fidgets, avoiding looking at either of his hyungs, looking down where both his hands now rest at Yoongi’s side. “You really should go, the others too, I bet none of you have slept or eaten properly since last night, and-” “I made sure the others slept..” He argues. “And your mother brought some food - real food for us when they arrived.” Jin smiles at that, knowing his family basically adopted another six younger boys when he joined the group, it doesn’t surprise him in the slightest that his parents would make sure that all of them were being looked after, even if they were worried about their actual son. “Hope-ah wouldn’t sleep though, not til he pass-” “Yah, Namjoon-ah. So you haven’t slept?” Jin interrupts, Yoongi batting at his hand to get his attention when he doesn’t respond, doesn’t make eye contact with either of them. “You need to go home, shower, get some sleep, then come back-” “-Bring my laptop when you do” Yoongi interjects, Namjoon finally looking up, a scandalised expression on his face, as Jin snorts out a laugh. “Hyung, you should be resting, you can’t work-” “Yah! Kim Namjoon, you know I can’t rest if I can’t write!” Yoongi argues right back, before looking across at Seijin as he walks back onto the bay. “Seijin-nim, do you have a notebook and a pen I can borrow? And can you take Joon and the rest home now so they can get some sleep and some food?” Seijin smiles, looking relieved, Jin assumes because Yoongi has just bluntly delivered the instruction he was debating giving. “But hyungs-” Namjoon is quick to argue, before being shouted down by the other three, his bandmates much more forcibly, especially after he stifles a yawn as they’re mid-flow. “Namjoon. Take the others and go home.” Jin finally states, in a tone that flatly squashes any further debate. “They need looking after too, and-” “-The hospital staff say you can all visit tomorrow, once Taehyung is settled here, and they’ve had a quiet night to rest.” Seijin finishes, as Namjoon yawns again, stretching as he stands. “OK, You sure you don’t need anything tonight?” he asks them both, smiling as Yoongi again demands his laptop and composing rig, Jin interrupting with an eye roll as he begs Seijin to give him a pen and paper so he “can get some sleep even if he won’t.” A few minutes later, Seijin and Namjoon leave, and it’s quiet. Silent almost, until Jin sighs as he slides carefully down his pillows until he’s lying almost flat. Yoongi mutters something as he settles, and repeats it louder, more clearly, when Jin responds with a questioning murmur of his own. “He worries so much. Too much.” Jin quietly agrees, knowing exactly who is being referred to, Yoongi humming in agreement when he responds that now and whilst they’re recovering, they can make sure their dongsaengs are, and will be okay too. They have to.

#bts #bts fic #bts hurt comfort #jin fic #seokjin fic #yoongi fic #suga fic #j-hope fic #hoseok fic #rm fic #namjoon fic #jimin fic #v fic #taehyung fic #jungkook fic #tw:shooting #tw: violence #tw:injury

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throtegote · 5 years ago

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Bigfoot in Bots

(If you’d like to read this off my wix blog here’s the link:https://erikatriesall.wixsite.com/tlhodia)

I remember a friend advising me to get my prom shoes from Options and thinking, “yeah sure, let me just saw my toes off real quick,” because there is no way I could fit in anything there otherwise.

Hi, I’m Erika. And as you may have guessed by now, I have large feet.

No, I do not wear size 13 Nikes (men’s size 13 Nikes) but by comparison to most people in my country, at a size 9.5/10 UK, I’m substantially above average. Retailers and boutiques here stock shoe sizes from 1 to either 6 or 7 and the larger the size, the harder it is to find it. An 8 in the women’s section is a rarity and a 9 that isn’t sneakers or granny shoes? Get down on your knees and sing hallelujah because that’s a miracle. Size 10 is unheard of. It doesn’t help that there are no specialist stores for women’s shoes here either.

Although it’s easier to shop for shoes if you’re a guy (because the assumption is that because you are a man, you have larger feet than the average woman), if you are a male with a foot above size 9, welcome to the struggle circle, take a seat, because you too, will find it hard to find sizes here. My dad, who’s around size 11, like me, finds it easier to shop abroad. Unfortunately, my parents do not believe in shopping for clothing and accessories online.

I don’t blame these stores, because it’s a thing of supply and demand. If a lot of the population has tiny feet, then why waste cash on stocking large sizes? It’s all about money, and if everyone else is satisfied and buying, then they don’t really need mine. So, as you’d expect, I own a lot of sneakers from the men’s section or unisex, and all my nice-fitting girly shoes are likely imported (which I don't own a lot of because I need to be present at all times to try the shoes on and uh, trips are expensive.). When I walk into a shoe store, I don’t browse until I ask a clerk what their maximum size in stock is. And that’s when I’m shopping in a place like South Africa because I’ve given up on shoe shopping in Botswana. I just don’t want to waste anybody’s time.

Shoe shopping used to be an absolute nightmare for me and even though there have been improvements in the local market, and I’ve gotten better at it with age, it’s still a frustrating experience. I kid you not; I used to shed tears while shopping as a nana. In my young girl’s brain, being told “oh, we don’t have your size” was on the list of the top 5 worst types of rejection. A lot of store clerks were nice enough to check in the back for a shoe I really liked but some would widen their eyes do the loud “*gasp* So big?! Ah! Men’s section is that side”.

That hurt like a bitch.

About two years ago we had a family trip to Kenya (which is where my dad is from, btw) and my dad had promised me I could get my prom heels in advance from there as well as other stuff because his sisters had larger feet than me growing up and they managed to get shoes with little difficulty. So our assumption was that Kenyan women have larger feet on average than those in Botswana. Yeah no, I still struggled. 4 whole shopping malls in one day and nothing. At my grown age, by mall number 3 I was blinking back tears and I just wanted to go back to the hotel and not waste any more of everyone's time. I felt played and betrayed.

My feet were one of my first insecurities and they’ve been a struggle to keep up with all my life. I just remember going from having normal feet for my age, to fitting very snug in my mom’s high heel shoes to only wearing men’s sneakers. In what felt like a minute.

And as a growing kid I probably pinched a lot on my parent's wallets because I'd outgrow a new pair of shoes in like three months. Oops.

I also remember getting teased quite a bit in primary school too, especially by boys. “Bigfoot” was iconic, I sort of fit all the criteria by being large footed and hairy “like a Sasquatch”. It didn’t help that at over 5"2 I was taller and bigger than a lot of my classmates. At the time it’d get to me so much because my feet were a new development that kept developing and as a kid, the last thing I wanted was to be registered as an anomaly or a freak. Unlike body hair or acne, there’s nothing you can really do about your height or the size of your feet and that fact devastated me. I don’t think any young girl wants to hear their crush referring to them as a gorilla. Just rip out my self-esteem and toss it in the trash on the way out, why don’t you?

Looking back, I think I intimidated a lot of boys in my classes, especially those who believed that there’s a direct correlation between shoe and penis size. (*puts foot next to mine*, “Bro if you were a dude you’d be packing!”… thanks, I guess?) They were probably mad that I was showing more “masculine” physical traits than them- but to be honest they were all little bitches. And that’s on fragile masculinity. jkjkjk... or am I?

Now I’m older and a lot more mature, so I’ve learned to accept my “Sasquatch” feet. I've also learned that they aren’t abnormal at all and in a lot of other countries I’d be able to go shoe shopping freely. As a matter of fact, as a species our feet are growing bigger with each decade on average. Unlike your weight or your haircut, you can’t change your bone structure to give you smaller feet.

Go ahead, tell those nanas that they’re just mad that you’d be packing shmeat if you were a guy. Flex on the girls who think shopping for shoes in the children's section at 16 is a personality trait. Wear those boots; trust me, you don’t look like a clown. Embrace the big feet. Take care of them. Sure, you slap the road when you walk but hey, you get places faster so that’s dope. Your feet don't define your femininity, no matter how many people will try to make you think so.

What’s your odd experience with shoe shopping/ big feet? We’d love to hear. Like, comment and follow for more stuff like this

xoxo

Erika

#shoes #women's footwear #feminism #bullying #insecutiry #bloggin #true story #shopping #lookigetihavebigfeetbutdamnpleasecoolit

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thefreshfinds · 5 years ago

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Najir - Commuter

By: Irate Specialist

Since COVID-19 has come and disrupted the status quo for the majority of Americans, most are trying to fight boredom and stay entertained. However, artists are thriving during this time and helping to provide people with entertainment they so desire. New Jersey's artists are some of the most creative out there and are continually dropping content that is drawing attention to how dope we are. One artist who is expertly doing his part to put Jersey on the map is Najir with his debut E.P, Commuter. Najir likes to describe himself as an individual who marches to the sound of his own drum. "I am what I am, and I don't like to do what everyone else is doing. I do what feels right," said Najir.

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A post shared by najir (@somekidnajir) on Feb 28, 2020 at 3:07pm PST

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His individualistic and creative personality is strongly felt throughout this project as well, making it a great first look it to the mind of this talented artist. He uses a lyrical approach to bring to life stories from his past as well as blow away the competition. However, Najir's main intention is not just to display his lyrical ability, but also songs interesting enough that they keep your attention throughout the track. On Commuter, he does this while using the idea of a commuter to illustrate that he is always on his way to somewhere higher. "I always felt like I had to commute somewhere, so that's a big part of my journey," said Najir. "Me being on my way to something greater than I'm at right now."

This notion all starts with the first track, "This Is Me." On "This Is Me," Najir helps the audience get to know him by breaking down his name. Growing up in Summit, NJ, and having a moniker like Najir caused him to have to endure constant mispronunciations and misuse of his name. So he had to set the record straight let us know who he is through this song. "I'm like yo, if this is going to be my first project, I have to let people know who I am from the jump," said Najir. "So I'm like 'who am I?' Oh, this is me, and I gave it to them like that. You don't take anything to the grave, but your name." So Najir makes sure to let everyone know the struggles in having his name but also the power in it.

The track is a sure-fire hit from this E.P is the track "Can I Call You." This was a Jersey club instrumental produced by a dude in Texas that he held onto for a while. Once he felt the time was right he recorded the track and instantly knew it was a hit. "I dropped it, and people were like 'THIS IS THAT WORK,'" said Najir. This was the sentiment that was heard everywhere the song was promoted. The catchiness of this track comes from the hook. The way Najir uses the bounciness of the instrumental to drill the hook into your head as you bop to it. Plus, Najir makes use of his lyrical ability to tell a dope story of about shorty who he's missing.

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A post shared by najir (@somekidnajir) on Apr 12, 2020 at 5:07pm PDT

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The last track on the E.P is "Rumble in the Garden," where Najir makes it known that Jersey is making noise, and you should be listening. "The rumble in the garden is the things that are going on here. More specifically, the music that's going on," said Najir. "You may not understand, but there's a community here that doesn't get our proper shine." So Najir paints the picture of the movement happening in Jersey by creatively telling our story through goblins, gargoyles, and double entendres.

So If you're looking for some new Jersey talent to take a look into, check out Najir and his E.P Commuter. Also, if you're looking for more information about the ep Najir and I do a full break down on the Music & Mindfulness Podcast, link in @irate_specialist's bio.

In these uncertain times, one thing is certain Jersey music will keep getting better and better by the day, and artists like Najir are leading the way.

Listen to Najir’s Commuter below:

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thewrongjackpot · 5 years ago

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I hit the wrong jackpot. *Spoiler alert, it’s cancer.*

[Originally written 1/3/20]

Warning: There may be a fair amount of sarcasm throughout this post coupled with some dark humor. Also, if you’re new to this channel, please disregard a lot of the other ramblings here, unless one dares to be bored.

“What jackpot did you hit?” you may ask. I hit the cancer jackpot. You read that right. C-A-N-C-E-R. This fun-loving 26-year-old has been diagnosed with Rhabdomyosarcoma and of a newer subtype called Sclerosing. Take those words in. I had to have Google repeatedly tell me how to say it before I got the hang of it. It’s a jackpot because to say it is uncommon in adults is an understatement. A friend told me I need to get my butt to Vegas with all this rare luck.

“Wait, what? How did this all happen?” asked no one. Here’s a fun “little” deep-dive into everything that’s been going on the past few months, and how I’ve been dealing with it. Remember, you chose to continue reading this long post from here on out.

Well, let’s take it back to early-mid August. It started with what I thought was just TMJ issues because I was stressing some and clenching my teeth, so my jaw and temple started off sore. It then progressed to limited range of motion with my jaw (opening/closing), a small protrusion along my temple, and some numbness on my face. The urgent care doc essentially told me it’s TMD, the muscle is swollen, to chill, and it’ll go away. Well, that was extremely off. I saw my primary doctor, who then referred me to an ear, nose, and throat (ENT) doctor. Now, we’re at the end of November, and I had to take some MRIs and then was referred to another ENT doctor. I had a biopsy, and the doctor said it looks more mild-moderate than severe like he was initially thinking, but he was pretty sure it was malignant with how quickly it has been growing. Christmas Eve morning, I get a phone call. The final pathology came about, and it’s an intermediate grade Rhabdomyosarcoma. I was referred to a hospital with a Sarcoma specialist and saw her just after the new year began. She doesn’t know staging yet because she doesn’t know if it has spread anywhere else yet. I only had MRIs done and that was over a month ago now. So next week I get the joyous pleasure of more MRIs, a bone scan, a lumbar puncture, and a bone marrow biopsy. EXCITING. They’re also going to need to start chemo soon, so they’re working on getting that set up in the background. As of right now, the oncologist was saying it’ll be about 5 months of chemo, radiation and/or surgery, and then more chemo. More will be known in the coming weeks, but at least there’s finally a real start and direction to this all.

Needless to say, it’s been a crappy holiday season and last several months. Here’s a list of what this jolly (not green) giant growth in my head/neck has caused:

Swollen temple/face

Limited ability to open my mouth (~1.5cm)

Misaligned jaw

Numbness along half my face

Sharp shooting pains throughout my head/neck

Impacted breathing out of my left nostril

Fluid in my left ear (impacted hearing)

Trouble swallowing

Fatigue

Body aches

Pressure throughout the entire left side of my head

Large growth(s) inside my mouth encompassing cheek/mouth real estate

Accidentally chewing on said growths, which I think is the reason there’s blood in my mouth periodically

After my first meeting with the oncologist the other day, some topics hit home harder than others.

One of the points that almost made me cry on the spot was when I was asking about fertility. She was saying that she could recommend me to a fertility clinic to harvest my eggs. However, that could take 2-4 weeks, and we might not have that time to spare. I know that there’s so much more at stake, my health and well-being taking spot numero uno. I also know that there are other ways to still have kids, but it’s still such a depressing feeling and thought. Along with hearing that 2-4 weeks is not time that can be spared, it begs the question, “How bad/serious is this really?”. Having my own child is a choice that may never even be mine to begin with. I just always had this picture in mind about how life would be never thinking this is the luck I would be dealt. Then again, I don’t think anyone ever envisions something like this happening to them… Although, my vision of six dogs at any given time could become more of a reality. *shrug* (Honorable mention goes out to my brother who was cheering me up big time on this one.)

Next, the fear started to really set in when talking about all these tests that needed to be done. I’m absolutely terrified of pain, and the thought of all these huge needles makes me want to cry, throw up, and pass out. It’s not just the pain and needles I’m afraid of, it’s everything that comes along with the actualization of what this really is. Since we don’t know the full extent of this, my mind can’t help but think the prognosis is possibly more grim with all these tests needed and how quickly this tumor has dominated my face. I’m scared about having to go to treatments, having to feel sick, fatigue setting in, and withering away. I’m scared about losing my hair because, boy, let me tell you, I’ve always had long thick hair my whole life. There are only two occasions I can think of where my hair was shorter than mid-back. I’ve broken down crying several times in the shower while washing my hair; it was always a safety blanket for me. Although, I said I should jump the gun and get a bowl cut already haha. On a more serious note, I’m absolutely mortified that I’m not going to make it through this…but being a fighter and a survivor is in my blood, so I’m trying to not let that run my mind too much.

On a more physical and literal level, one of the most debilitating aspects of this is the limited range of motion with my mouth because I can barely eat. Eating has become almost a punishment because after a few bites of something, it hurts everywhere. It’s hard to swallow at times; it’s just all-around depressing. At this point, I’m closing in on having lost 30 pounds in about three months. I’m eating maybe 1000 calories a day. I try to force myself to eat, but it’s difficult. Some days everything makes me nauseous. I’ve mostly been drinking smoothies, eating soup, and other soft foods like mashed potatoes. Even when I am eating something, it’s extremely defeating when I wipe soup off my chin because the little piece of potato couldn’t fit in my dumb mouth and caused soup to drip down, and I couldn’t feel it because my face is too busy being numb. Moments like that are extremely disheartening. Stupid mouth.

Also, another difficult aspect of this is sleeping. I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in months. No matter which way I lie, there is either uncomfortable pressure or some sort of pain. I’ve literally woke up crying like a fussy baby because it hurts so much, and all I want to do is sleep.

DESPITE ALL OF THIS, I’m down, but I’m not out. I still have so many things to be grateful for. My husband continues to be amazingly strong, knows how to comfort me when I need it, and has been picking up my slack. Some of my family members have seriously stepped up in ways I could not have imagined that genuinely caught me by surprise. For those family members who have been with me on this so far, they have been so supportive and simply there for me when I need them. My parents are doing whatever they can from wherever they are to help me, e.g. my mom is flying up next week to be with me. I have some solid friends, and even my husband’s friends have been amazing. Work is working well with me through this, and even my old boss and coworkers have been checking up on me. Side note: I saw this lady at work today (whom I rarely interact with) only to find out her brother got treated where I am by the same set of doctors, and she said his experience was great as was the staff. That was an unexpected nugget of good vibes I did not expect today or ever.

One of the other biggest items I realized a few days ago that I am extremely grateful for is having moved away from Hawaii. Since moving, I go back and forth on whether leaving was the best decision, but now who knows what would be of me if I didn’t. If developing this cancer was an inevitable piece of my life story, being in Hawaii would have been one of the worst things for me. For one, there are doctor shortages, so being seen would have been dragged out so much longer than here. Secondly, Hawaii does not have the specialists to even treat me. I would have had to fly somewhere else anyway. As an aside to this, I’m even more grateful that we moved to the west coast because family is more accessible than in DC, and my husband and I have friends here as well.

Well, that’s about it for now. I like to talk/write, so I’m honestly going to post updates on here even if they fall on deaf ears. Just like this page says, I’m someone rambling lol.

If you’ve made it this far, I’ll give you a cake pop one day or something.

TL;DR

I have a rare form of cancer that’s been progressing pretty quickly. A lot of it really sucks right now, but there’s finally some real direction in getting me treated. Also, I am surrounded by a lot of love and dope people, and I still have so much to be grateful for.

#cancer #chemo #sarcoma #rhabdomyosarcoma #tumor #jackpot #rambling #long post #coping #cancer sucks #dying

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