#just feel bad I kinda did it shittily

[akuutaguava]

ahaha guys its normal to feel guilt for doing something that actually makes you happy ahhah,... im gonna kns its alllll gonna go back ha.... NIKOLAIAAIIIIIIII let me rewatch s4 and die

[bipanicoverthegravessiblings]

Hey. Found you not so long ago but I’m already lovin it (pa ba ba pa baaaa I’m lovin it)

I was thinking about one plot for a long time. It’s TCOAAL request.

so the reader is male, kid from bad family. Well his only family was mother that abused him for quite awhile. Then, at the age of 15 he killed, dismembered and ate her before running away. (I took this idea from one concept metal album I’ve listened to recently).

Then he met graves siblings and they kinda became friends. it’s Ashley graves x male reader. again I like the stuff you do. Have a good day.☺️

Welcome to the blog dude, hope you enjoy your stay!

And bonding over mutilating and eating your shit mother’s corpse, how romantic <3

TW: Descriptions of bludgeoned corpses and cannibalism

Ashley Graves x Male Reader

Life on the run is….interesting

Trips to the store to buy food is always an anxiety induced endeavor of if the cops or store clerk recognize you as the kid of that one couple who went missing

That poor, poor couple

Such upstanding people of the community, a shame what happened to them

….a shame

You remember the night clearly. The taste of their blood. How it clung to your clothes and skin.

You sat before your parents….or….what was left of them. Things were never meant to go this far. You just- you just wanted to defend yourself! That’s all!

You didn’t expect to not stop after the first swing…

You had run off of the adrenaline of it all, the pure catharsis it gave you to watch your father crumple under the barrel of your metal bat. The way your mother’s face smashed in as you hit her over and over and over again. All the built up hate. All the built up rage coming back in full force.

Though, that feeling was gone. In its place was the reality of your situation. You had killed your parents, their blood on your hands and murder weapon. You couldn’t go to jail, you were just a kid! Nor would anyone believe it was self defense…your folks had always been such “great people”. No one would believe they’d hit their kid.

You knew one thing though, you had to get rid of the bodies. You couldn’t bury them, no- a police dog would dig that up right away. They’d rot if you hid them in the house…

….which left only one option.

You don’t regret killing your parents

You kind of regret eating them, that’s only because you did it shittily

There’s really no good way to prepare a corpse- and there was a lot so you tried them all

Maybe they were just that bitter of people

Or you just couldn’t cook

It’s probably both

But, it’s been 7 years and no one’s found out

The case on your parents went cold

So did yours

So really the only thing making you anxious to leave the motel room was getting caught

You’d been here for a while, the trash starting to pile up

It’s hard to tell if the stench was the shitty motel, or you.

You were going to take it out when- you paused..

Your blood ran cold as you watched through the blinds. A hooded person, face obscured from your view, coming towards your room. You internally said your prayers until….they made their way up the stairs to the room above you.

You let out a long sigh of relief, placing your hand over your heart to make sure it was still beating. It was- at far too fast of a pace though. But it was still beating nonetheless. Though, once the adrenaline rush from that scare passed you by….you realized something.

There were only two people staying in the room above you.

Your anxiety has led to you to be rather…observant- noting the pair of dark haired people when they arrived. They always left the room together, and not once did anyone else show up. And you had seen them rush out earlier….but never come back.

Now, this suspicious looking hooded figure that definitely didn’t have a knife in their hand could easily just be a friend…..but it just didn’t sit right with you.

Your eyes widened, staring out the blinds again as your neighbors made their way to the stairs. If your heart was pounding any faster it would burst. For a moment, you asked yourself-

Are you really going to risk your life for two strangers?

And you didn’t even have time to answer, as you already opened your door before you processed the question.

You had come out of your hobbit hole of a room, scream warnings up the stairs before the pair entered their room- seemingly stopped to discuss something

They blinked down at you with their unamused pink and green eyes, and you felt yourself shrivel under their stare

Green eyes began speaking to you- wanting you to go away and that they’ll handle whoever is in their room but Pink eyes stopped him

She thanked you, asked for your name, and that they’d love to just run away…but their stuff was in their room and they didn’t have the money to responsibly replace it all

But there was three of you, and only one burglar

You just needed a weapon

It hurt to grab your old bat…the one you foolishly kept since that night, but….you did

And you followed them into their room

You kept your footsteps light as you entered the room, it smelled of old furniture and the air was stale- much like your room when you had first arrived.

You looked at your neighbors, Ashley and Andrew they had introduced themselves as. Ashley walking in so casually before she loudly announced to Andrew, “Oh golly gee Andrew! What a great dinner. Let us grad our stuff post-haste and burn off those calories with a walk in the park!”

You and Andrew shared a look of confusion, to which Ashley grimaced at and continued on.

“I will be but a minute! Be ready…” her cherry blossom eyes stared daggers into your own, clearly referring to you.

You gulped, nodding as you readied your bat. Ashley guided you to where to stand, just to the side of the closet where you wouldn’t be obscured. She gave you a final glare as she moved to the other to safely open the door. Your hands shook as the grip tightened on your bat, nodding to let her know you were ready.

It was all a blur, the hooded figure bursting out with their knife in a stabbing motion. Before he could even process what was happening, you brought your bat down to the back of his head hard. He collapsed to the ground, not down- but that same rush from that night came back to you….and the next thing you knew they were mush on the floor.

Ashley and Andrew stared in bewilderment as you fell to your knees, bloodied bat slipping from your hands and you caught your breath. You were a monster. You knew it, and now they knew it.

But that didn’t seem to matter, as you felt a hand gently tilt your chin up to look up. Your fearful eyes staring into Ashley’s surprisingly calming gaze as she spoke,

“What did you say your name was again?…”

[dragonofeternal]

I'm so discouraged about Nano this year...

Like, obviously I wasn't gonna donate any damn money or buy any merch with everything that happened this year + last year, even though Killian and I used to BOTH donate yearly.

But I still wanted to do the challenge because... I dunno! Killian and I have been doing it pretty regularly for the past decade, and we've both done it intermittently for even longer. It's a good way to make myself sit down and bust out a bunch of words before winter hits and the long nights tank my productivity. It feels good to bust out a bunch of shit!

This year I just... ugh.

The website is broken as fuck. They bungled their store and instead are doing dropshipping of the MOST generic merch they've had in years. The forums are STILL locked and unusable because they've decided it's too hard to have them open. Every fucking word out of their mouths on social media feels like it's pointing fingers at participants for being too hard on Nano and not caring enough.

Their social media message about today's website issues really made me see red, ESPECIALLY the third paragraph:

For those of you who aren't hardcore Nano peeps, you maybe don't know about the website update- but in 2017 they held a fundraiser to do a big overhaul of the website, which was dated but still very functional. (Well, the whole having to delete the entire forum every year thing was super janky but like. It still worked.) The fundraiser raised $57,320 to fund a new website. In 2019 they rolled out said website.

And it fucking sucks.

Like, the new Nano website is pretty universally despised. It's laggy, it's not intuitively laid out, and it just kinda generally enshittified something dated but functional in a way that's hard to describe.

And the forums? Hope you enjoy a shittily implemented instance of Discourse! They, too, are somehow far harder to navigate than they were before. I loved hanging out on the Nano forums, but each year they are less and less active, probably because they suck to use! And, maybe this is a small stupid thing, but I hate that it no longer gives you the word count for your comment as you type. It was such a little touch, but seeing my word count go up on my comment was both inspiring (wow! Look at how easily you can write all those words!) and a little shaming (oh wow I really did just write a 500 word comment instead of 500 words of prose.... I should probably go do that....) in a way that was really effective at getting me motivated!

And they have the fucking gall to go "OUR LAST UPDATE WAS IN 2019 AND IT JUST WASN'T GOOD, GEE GUYS YOU CAN JUST LOOK AND SEE THAT OUR TECH IS BAD~" Motherfucker you collectively received $57 grand to redo the website and gave us back crap for it!!!

And so with all that going on plus, ya know, the racism, the child grooming, the bad AI takes, etc etc etc I just am having a hard time getting jazzed about busting out a bunch of words in an ill-advised madcap dash! You can write a shit ton of words at any time of year, but Nanowrimo's sense of community made it feel electric and fun and like an Event. But now I don't have that. I just feel bloopy and frustrated and unmotivated and like this is not even "The beginning of the end" but the limping, sagging middle act of the end that should have been taken out in edits.

SIGH.

I'm gonna go try to write some anime boys fucking now and see if that lifts my spirits....

[psychip7]

So, Surf and Turf Wars pt. 2 just dropped, and I’d like to do a mini-review again, just like I did for the first part.

I try to be as unbiased as possible when it comes to reviewing these, as I don’t want to have an “old good, new bad” mindset. I like legacy, and it’s quite different from the classic era. So I try to give everything a fair chance.

and now for the actual review:

_

5.5/10

Yeah, once again, like my first review…it’s just alright. The whole “lobster monster Matt” wasn’t really to my taste comedy-wise. The whole “big monster does big monster stuff” isn’t really funny to me.

And I feel like this eddisode suffered from separating the guys. I feel like the way Tom and Edd are written in beyond isn’t entertaining enough to carry long scenes where it’s just them. (Which *might* be kind of controversial? Maybe. Because I know a lot of people liked their scenes together in part 1.) But, even so, the two of them are sidelined HARD in this and I’m not even sure why.

Also…I’m not a fan of how many jokes are relegated to random one-off characters. Like, I’m here for the guys. Not randoms. And yes, I know that both past eras of eddsworld had jokes with one-off characters. But they were using pretty sparingly, and never felt like it took away from the comedy.

Not to mention that both of the ongoing plots: the Matt plot, and the Tom and Edd plot…were both a bit stale. Both plots didn’t really end in any satisfying way. It’s was pretty anticlimactic. If it were up to me, I would’ve just had Matt be with Edd and Tom on the beach doing the competitions. The eddsworld guys work great when they’re all together. Plus…lobster Matt doesn’t even interact with Edd and Tom?? What’s the point then?

And all the jokes were very…meh. I’m just gonna accept at this point that Matt’s writing style isn’t my cup of tea.

OKAY. I know I just tore into this eddisode pretty harshly, but there are some nice positives and improvements that I noticed.

-Better pacing. The first part, imo, had really strange and awkward pacing. Like it was so sluggish at points, but also moved too fast sometimes. But that’s been remedied somewhat in the second part, and I like that.

-Less awkward: By “less awkward”, I mean there’s more music. Something thats bugged me about the beyond eps is that they felt awkward and quiet due to lack of music. But there’s more music now, yay.

-Montage. I liked the montage scene. Very eddsworld.

-Sonic popsicle on the ice cream truck. Because I’m massive sonic trash.

-

SO…yeah. That’s the review. Sorry if this is formatted shittily, I did it on my phone in a hurry, lol. And if you happen to have different opinions on this eddisode, totally cool.

Kinda sucks that pretty much all of beyond hasn’t been what I’d hoped. Everyone else is enjoying it though, and I can’t help but feel like squidward looking out the window in that one meme. 😭 I wanna like it so bad, but I just can’t. Beaster bunny, and the surf and turf pt. 1 and 2 have both just been misses for me.

…Also, Matt doesn’t like icecream. What’s up with that?

[diaryfullofsparklesandkisses]

Okok. I think I can explain how I feel. So like picture u find what u really actually like to do, the thing that feels like work in the sense that it’s hard but rewarding and adds positivity to society. Then ok u spend a lot of time doing that thing, we’ll u sorta had to to understand that this is the thing you feel like u should be doing.. So for me this is studio music, like making music in my house and putting it online. Sewwww I see a lot of ppl doing this as well right, the ones I see are usually successful (cuz u don’t see the ones that aren’t). But like u know it’s possible some ppl get to have an audience that finds them where they like the music, maybe the artist lives off of that but idk how that would happen. Regardless there are ppl who technically do that, tho I guess that involves live shows maybe. So for me I’m constantly in the state of, I found the thing I want to do but I’m dogshit at it. But it’s not like I want to be super proficient at an instrument, or write impossible progressive music, or like idk my goals aren’t that grand at all. I kinda make what I want to make for the most part, maybe I master things slightly shittily, my side point is that loss of ppl make things happen while having the skills and tools adjacent to what I think I have. So idk if that’s the problem. More just like for whatever reason nobody notices me. BUT BUT BUT ok I super hate having to pretend I’m a big deal though. I use to do that when I was in survival mode and I fucking haaaate looking back on my outward facing attitude at that time. It’s not even that bad but it’s just so cringe. In reality I’m not intelligent I’m not THAT cool and I don’t think highly of myself, I guess for the reasons of failing so much. I do not want to be self promotional like I think I’m a big deal, because I’m not and that’s embarrassing, I’m literally just doing my useless skill. Same w visual art, absolutely useless, such a bullshit skill that I have. But if I make something nice that goes on someone’s wall then that’s epic. But sometimes I don’t want to make a nice thing, sometimes what needs to come out it horrible, cuz that’s how I feel I don’t feel good. Because this isn’t a good time, usually I’m not doing what I want to do succesfully. Ok so u find ur thing u should do, u try and try and try, every thing u make ur proud of, then after u make it u think all ur past things are silly and failures, and ur new thing will be different. Or u just resign ur new thing to being bad and that no one will see it and that’s fine. And that’s where im at. Im at, im bad at what I do creatively, and when I do do it im doing it for only me. Which is fine. But I barely get to do it from how tired I am from working and other commitments I have in life. BUT THE THING IS MY ACTUAL PURPOSE. So I spend all my time not doing the thing I should be doing and regardless of if that’s an untruth it feels true to me so it’s bad mentally. Either I completely let go of anything creative and I was never an artist forget about it I don’t even know how to do any of that, or I get this mental torture all the time. And I can’t forget, I’ve done it too long to forget. And there’s no way I can like “live my dream” that’s simply not going to happen. Bro I cannot believe how delusional I was in the past like fake it till u make it steeze.. I just can’t remotely look back at it cuz I’m like oh god did I actually believe I was good. But I had to!!!! I didn’t have any other options like I had to try it. It’s just so embarrassing. Like baseline I’m so average, even if I try to make sure I’m original I’m somehow not, like there’s just no way to be actually good. Or that’s not accessible to me. And having no art or music “career” lol that definitely makes it all worse. Like I can’t help but put all my time in because it’s my thing. But even when I’m trying my absolute best it doesn’t find ppl or there’s no audience or whatever. And that’s kind of on me, like most of that is probably my fault and the quality of what I’m making

[videostak]

i hate that i spent like idk the whole past year of 2023 sorta slowly healing myself piece by piece and also just slowly making little progress getting a job driving learning to be content w/ what happened and then when i see them again just feeling so out of place and just ashamed to exist like :/ like was rly made to feel like i was a genuinely worthless person who didnt even deserve the time of day in that friendship while also being given like constant fake reassurance abt actually bieng a close friend of theirs anytime id like try to confront them abt the way i had been treated and then to just get ghosted after a 3 yeear freindship sooo shitty and tht sucks obv but what makes it worse is that i kno she like def did it because she knew no one cared abt me so no one would give a fuck if i even did bring up her shitty behavior like lol. so weird being idk inducteed into a friend group of ppl who def think ur ugly n a loser but are too fake to say so to ur face and just act alarmingly fake to u. like i rly wonder how they rationalize it in all their heads like its one thing to be treated shittily and fake by one person but a whole group of them u'd think one of them would pull me aside or msg me being like hey we kinda dont like u but insteaed they were fake and not even like putting up w/ me fake but like overtly kind and positive in a way i totally suspected w/ some of the more overtly rude ones lol. liiike i rly do wonder how they rationalize it i guess kinda just being like oh well he was ugly and had no taste of fashion so he deserved it lol like its so idk. like scary cause they all had a faux positivtiy progressiveness to them and theered be times where id be like oh thats kinda red flaggy when theyd drop lil hints at awful behavior but id always brush it aside as smthn they were genuinely working on to remove and to better themselves (anytime id call them out for their behavior theyd avoid accountability by saying they were going to therapy for it and overall blame it on bad mental health which put me in a rly rly fucked situation not wanting to be a person who stops being friends w/ someone cause of mental health issues so i would just always 100% take her word for it even tho she'd treat her actual friends one hundred times better than she did me lol) like so many angles of it being fucked i wish i could just call them out or that one of their friends or any1 they knew would reach out to me saying they were also treated similarly but like the fucked reality is probably that not a single one of their friends gave a shit abt me since day one and could care less abt the way i was treated. like just so insane on so many levels cause it was like so quickly escalated into a close friendship and shed constantly bring up collaborating artistically n musically and would liteerally even come over sometimes just so we could work on music she wrote lol and then like go silent after i contributed something i guess she thouhgt was good lol and would invite me to TONS of shit then would go silent when id actually take her up on her offer and aks for like specifics of where the place she invited me was n stuff. like liteereally invited to dj sets n to go w/ her to record stuff in a studio and stuff like just so insanaaaane who even says that like if u genuinely dont give af abt some1 why constantly drip feed them random shit to them unprompted. just sooo fucked like no half assed apology message after it all or anything just like the moment i was out of her life she moved on just like that while i was still confused abt whatt the hell was even going on. have no idea how to avoid friendships like these but everytime i geet into one it just makes me feel so isolated from like every1 else in the world. i guess this could stop once i get a job with ppl i get along w/ who are my age or once i start taking college classes again. but just so insane i feel like only 1 or 2 of the friendships ive had have been actually normal positive effects on my life every other one is some rly awful person who acts crazy overly nice

[poorlilpubby]

Okay get ready. Spoilers obvi.

So disappointed. Heres what pissed me off the most. When Gabby asked "is it a terrorist attack" okay wow the first thing to come to a kids mind is terrorism, and we all know its not domestic. Thanks western media for demonizing other cultures

This is just a societal problem ig. Well if im continuing on the track of not rlly the movies fault is how people treat victims/people with mental illness.

Almost every single new character was a shitty fucking person. Terrifier 2 the characters were kinda douchy, but they weren't complete assholes. For example the mom. She treated her kids pretty shittily. But you can still empathize with her. The parents here? So fucking bland. And treat sienna like a demon

This entire movie was like the 2nd movie but worse in basically every regard. Like oooo art is making his way to sienna 🙄 like sienna knows art is coming but come onnnn genuinely no tension. ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IT KEPT CUTTING BACK AND FORTH with hardly any connection!!! Felt like a shitty anthology movie.

Another similarity, the fucking kills. Idk if its supposed to be a reference to the first movie but like cmon another splitting the body in half? Ohhh scaryyy its with a guy this time.

Art pissing on Santas lap, we saw him like shit before like is this supposed to be just for humor? I saw it coming from a mile away with the christmas theme and santa.

I feel really bad for gabbys actor bc ik people will treat her like shit. The character gabby was so fucking annoying. YES I KNOW SHES A KID. A kid that has absolutely no sense of respect but understands terrorism and ughhhhh. Anyway, no hate to the actress but mmm character isnt the best.

HERE'S WHAT PISSES ME OFF THE MOST ABOUT HER CHARACTER. She has almost absolutely no fucking role in the movie. Her only, tiny tiny bit of need to be in the movie is towards the end. WHICH IS JUST THE SAME ACTIONS JOHNATHONHAD. EXCEPT JOHNATHON HAD DEPTH TO HIS CHARACTER AND ACTUALLY DID STUFF LAST MOVIE. Holy shit his character in the last movie was so good bc they mentioned slightly how young guys are indoctrinated into really fucked up conservative viewpoints!!! AND THEY FUCKING THREW AWAY HIS CHARACTER IN THIS FILM.

WHERE THE FUCK WAS JOHNATHON. FUCKING NOWHERE WHYYYYY. I was promised that his role would be bigger in this film. FUCKING LIES.

Instead he was replaced with gabby, and not even to further the plot, it was the exact same thing. They introduced the most bland characters to kill them off and leave us where? Not any further than the previous movie.

Like, the last movie introduced sienna with her friends and family. Great world building. But they introduced a neice out of fucking nowhere?? "She missed you so much" I HAD NO IDEA WHO THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT. I genuinely thought "did Johnathan transition or smth" bc that felt more reasonable than a random neice.

THE FUCKING TINY LITTLE ONES LINERS SUCKKED. Gabbys "you know im nosy" was literally just Johnathan's like "we're family" but so soulless. THEIR CONNECTION WAS SUPER FUCKING WEAKKK. Johnathan and siennas relationship felt so much better, stronger, more genuine, realistic whatever. It made so much more sense. Siblings that argue but still love each other regardless. AND IT WAS THROWN AWAY IN THIS MOVIE. For what? For sienna to be like "oh gabby ur so so precious" ugh

And now their relationship is so strained in this movie? I mean that can be expected but it was really just saddening. AND OH MY FUCKING GOD JOHNATHON GOT AN OFFSCREEN KILL? I KNEW THAT SKULL WASNT GABBYS BUT THE FACT THAT IT WAS JOHNATHONS WAS SO HEARTBREAKING. i kept thinking "please please Jonathan come through and kick art's ass" BUT NO. Gabby fucking hit him in the back once? What fucking everrrrr.

Im so tired of the "little girl doesnt get hurt trope" because why? This is a fucking sadistic demon we're talking about. Absolutely no one is spared. And just because someone is a little girl doesnt mean they're more deserving of life than someone else? Like, sorry its just, so many other people didnt deserve any of their treatment. But no one will care if they die bc they're not "innocent" little girls. This is a whole nother issue that i dont wanna get into rn.

Ik the beginning scene was a cold open but like...none of that related to the main story. Ik terrifier movies suck with plot but that was stupid. THEY PUT SO MUCH EMPHASIS ON THE LETTER WITH "ART WILL FOLLOW YOU ANYWHERE SIENNA AND KILL EVERYONE IMPORTANT TO YOU" but art killed ummm the most random people?

The family in the beginning was killed for the trailer but no other reason. The mall kills i get, bc he was close to sienna and yknow he kills along the way.

Back to the bar scene, again no real reason however i will say i enjoyed it. The two girls on santas lap was a good reference to the first movie. The drunk girls doing something stupid. THATS A GOOD REFERENCE. omg and art was so cute when he saw santa and was like "santa!! 🥺"

Otherwise, bar scene kinda ehhhhh. I lowkey love when art uses a gun tho. Ik some people hated when he used a gun but i love it. He's like so pissed off he doesn't give a fuck about being super sadistic anymore.

Okay im talking about it now. Vicky. The very beginning i was like hmmm idk how i feel about this, maybe she'll grow on me. SPEAKING OF BEGINNING HIII CHRIS JERICHOOO 🥰🥰

But slowly her character kept getting worse and worse. Was she supposed to be that um...eccentric? Its not that eccentric is bad its just not clicking in this film?

Then. The worst plot point. The thing that made me actually roll my eyes in the theater. When art used her as a vessel and basically whatever she was saying was what art was saying. ART. IS. SUPPOSED. TO. BE. SILENT. Idc if the clown is still silent. NEVER EVER WAS HE MEANT TO TALK. FUCK. SO FUCKING ANNOYING. And its not like the words were impactful. They could've easily been expressed (at least the idea) without words!!!

And what happened to the little girl? Like literally what? Okay weird. She complimented arts character much more than vicky tho

FINALLY. HERE'S WHAT I LIKED.

The actors were wonderful. Even if I didnt like the characters, they sold it. The shitty blonde girl mia, her actress is amazing bc oh my god ik girls like that. She did great. RETURNING ACTORS SO AMAZING. DAVID HOWARD THORTON BEING AMAZING AS ALWAYS.

Lauren lavera as sienna? Oh that emotion was gooodddddd. The thrashing was so perfectly good, not like a fish or anything.

ELLIOT FULLAM AS JOHNATHON. HE'S SUCH A COOL GUY. Little punk people!!! Omg and that one reference "Johnathan doesnt like metal anymore" oh if only you knew the guy. Omg and like, elliot is such a chill guy. So when he started trashing the dorm? I was so impressed it felt really passionate.

Gore was uhhh average. Soundtrack was good. Umm it luckily didnt run on too long. That was my biggest gripe with the last movie, it was way too long.

Ugh this movie was supposed to be the revenge!! NONE OF THAT HAPPENED. BECAUSE ART CAME BACK TO LIFE AT THE END. This is just the trend, the third movie is always the worst.

So um ig I'll rate this move a 4/10...i probably have more to say but whatever

I think I might be the only one in this theater!! I can't wait to see my baby Art the Clown 🥰🥰 I hope it'll be good, I avoided every single spoiler this time

[blue-n-yellow]

stranger things spoilers! (also this is sappy nd all over the place but. im tired so its fiiiine)

-

okay. gonna ignore all the rants in my drafts for a moment, and just say this before i pass out.

we are gonna bounce back.

what happened in volume two was horrible. we were told we’d see wills queerness being accepted and supported, that we would see him feeling loved, even after coming out- that we’d get to see, at the least, a queer character be undeniably themselves, and be accepted with their identity out in the open. we did not get this.

but things don’t add up. the math is not mathing. there’s so many behind the scenes pics that haven’t been explained, from characters who’s actors were on set, but weren’t seen in volume two, to the actors we did see, in character, getting ready to film, in outfits(/harnesses/etc) that we didn’t see. a lot of the crews interviews are currently blatant lies- do we really think that each and every one of them was okay with lying and saying that we’d have a positive byler experience, when they knew we wouldn’t be seeing anything whatsoever?

things don’t add up, it doesn’t make sense. we were promised better for volume two, but even tho that wasn’t true… what, did they just bring actors on set just for the fun of it? volume two may be over, but maybe they shot scenes for season 5, for flashbacks, et cetera. i mean, maybe come november sixth, they’re going to replace episodes 8 and 9 with new versions that better match what they said would happen! (that one’s very far out there, but it’s funny to imagine)

but either way: we will bounce back. even if they handled things shittily, if they let us down now… who knows. it would be bad writing for them to hold off on things until season 5, but they could release that in two parts as well! and hey, what we have now is bad writing- character consistency with poor timing/pacing is better than five seasons of the characters facing the same “growth” every season, and starting the next season like nothing ever happened

or maybe season 5 will be as much of a let down as volume two. maybe it’ll be worse. no matter what: look at how upset people were just 24 hours ago, and look at us now! we’re starting to take a step back, and really look at things… maybe nothings gonna come of this. but no matter how things go down, we’re already starting to group back together, starting to build up our arguments, and ultimately,, we’re not delusional.

crazy together is what was said when wills was having his “now memories” and no one understood them, nothing made sense. then we found out there was reason for what was going on in wills head, that he was seeing the alternate dimension, seeing what others couldn’t- he had true sight. our arguments stand up, we made amazing, brilliant character arcs, with well thought out motivations and reasonings from characters who then went on to have none of that in the actual show.

even if it’s not what the writers end up going with, no one can say we’re wrong for seeing queer stories, for seeing love- just like will, what we’re seeing is true, it’s just not what everyone else is able to see. and just like byler, we’re gonna stick together, and be there for one another.

crazy together, u guys 

(don’t get set on fire like will kinda was in season two though-)

[halloweentual]

i don't think i will ever get that "canon sucks but luckily fanon saves us all" part of fandom honestly. i've only really thought about it recently and doesn't it strike anybody else weird that people in fandom spaces will invest themselves so deeply in media that they don't even think is good? i don't see it as often now as i did a few years ago but i very clearly remember it being the norm on tumblr for some reason? and don't get me wrong, i actually do think that enjoying stuff that's so bad that it's good and stuff that isn't necessarily ridiculously bad but just kinda shittily written but overall pretty lovable is okay and completely understandable. i've seen a lot of people invested in media that seems to frustrate them more than anything because of its quality though? where canon is such a wasted potential to them that they just invest themselves in this fanon "fixed" version so much that fandom stops really being about people who like a thing coming together but more about complaining about how "this show sucks so let's just make it something completely different". and like, this isn't inherently bad either but man, it just seems so tiring to me. i feel like instead of putting up with this kind of media it would benefit some of these people to like... seek out something they actually like. or work on a personal original project with their friends. it doesn't have to serious either, but it does seem less frustrating to me

[pparkerpoetry]

A Son Not Worth Saving

Summary: [“Cut them off.” Tommy said harshly. “I don’t want to look at them. I hate everyone they’re connected to, so I want them gone. Permanently.”]

-or-

Tommy grows wings, and Phil doesn't stick around to help. He discovers the consequences of his neglect, but it's too late. Too late to do anything.

___

It was after Doomsday. Things were tense, and Tommy just wanted a rest. He and Tubbo had gone to his little dirt hut for the night, and though it wasn’t the cleanest place, it was warm enough. 

His back had been itchy during the fight, but he’d passed it off as nerves. Now, though? The slight itch had progressed to a small ache, then a stinging, then agonizing pain. He was on his stomach, arms pressing into the dirt floor, crying as Tubbo tried to figure out what to do. 

“What’s wrong? Tommy, what’s wrong?”

Tommy shook his head. “Tubs, it hurts, make it stop, please,” He sobbed, his fist aimlessly grabbing at small tufts of grass that had grown, despite everything.

“I’m trying, but this is way out of my area of expertise!” Tubbo panicked. “I… I think I’m gonna have to call Philza, or something, I don’t know what to do!”

“Are you crazy?” Tommy yelled. “Don’t call Phil! He’s not gonna help, he just blew up- Don’t call Phil!” 

Tubbo laughed, but it was stressed, “What else am I gonna do, Tommy? I- I don’t know, it kinda seems like you’re growing wings, and-”

“Wings?” Tommy’s disbelief was cut off by a shriek of pain. “I dunno, call Quackity? Doesn’t he have those little chicken wings?”

“Duck, Tommy!”

“I’m on the floor, I can’t duck anymore, Tubbo.”

Tubbo chuckled, but it was high-pitched and panicked. “No, he has duck wings. I definitely need to call Phil, I’ll be right back.”

Tommy tried to reach out, he didn’t want Tubbo leaving, but instead, he just curled into a ball and whimpered. He could catch snippets of the conversation, and it didn’t seem to be going well.

__

“Hi, Mr. Minecraft, Sir? I know it’s a bad time, because you just blew up my whole nation, but, uh,”

A sigh echoed from the other end of the call. “What d’you want, Tubbo?”

Tubbo giggled, but you could tell it wasn’t a casual one. “Well, you see, Philza, uh, I think Tommy-”

“Really? You’re gonna call me about Tommy? Tubbo, thanks for the call, but I gotta go-”

“No, you don’t understand, I think he’s growing wings. I- I need your help.”

Philza didn’t screech. But it was kind of close. “What? He’s growing wings? Tubbo, I hate to break it to you, but I doubt it, and I’m in the arctic anyway,”

Tommy’s whimpers grew louder, and must’ve reached the phone. Phil sighed, heavy and weighted. “Tubbo, I-”

���Please, the only person I could call was Quackity but I figured you’re kind of Tommy’s dad and all-”

“Fine. Tubbo, I’ll be there in a bit. Just- don’t touch his back. Okay?” He hung up, and Tubbo went back to Tommy.

His condition had worsened. He was on the floor, forearms pressed against it as he struggled to keep his head up. “Tubbo?”

Tubbo moved to him, letting Tommy put his arms around his neck in an awkward hug as he cried. “Yeah, Tommy. It’s okay, It’s okay, I’m here. I’m here.”

“Tubbo, I think- I think I’m gonna sleep- pass out, it hurts,”

As much as Tubbo tried to keep Tommy awake, by the time Philza arrived, Tubbo was struggling to hold up an unconscious Tommy. His face looked peaceful, almost. It was the first rest he’d gotten in a long time, but the dried streaks of tears that were there told him it wasn’t a good rest.

Philza looked almost awkward in the small hut. “Tubbo, you should probably leave, I’ll handle this.”

Tubbo wanted to trust Phil, he really did. But something was off about those eyes. Something made Tubbo need to stay here. To monitor. To make sure that Tommy was going to be okay.

“No, that’s fine. I’ll stay here.”

Phil hummed. “Which one of us has wings? You should leave, Tubbo.”

“Which one of us sided with his abuser to blow up the one thing he had left of Wilbur?” Tubbo hissed. “I’m staying here.”

It was quiet, except for the whines that Tommy let out as he clutched at Tubbo. Phil didn’t really do… much, at all. Sure, he had a hand on Tommy’s shoulder, but Tubbo was the one whispering comforting thoughts, Tubbo was the one crying in sympathy, Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo.

Why had he called Phil again?

Oh, right.

Tommy woke up when the skin on his back started stretching and they had to tear off his shirt. There was a better way to describe it, but Tubbo started to panic more and couldn’t really think about it. 

“Phil, Phil is this supposed to be happening?”

Phil nodded slowly, and was going to say something, but Tommy managed to slur out some words. “Phil- Dad, is that you?”

Tubbo spoke up when it was clear that Phil wasn’t. “Yeah. Yeah, he came to help you.”

Tubbo hated lying to Tommy. Calling Phil had been a bad idea.

When the skin on Tommy’s back started to show that something was growing underneath it, Phil started to do what he was called here for. “Alright, Tubbo. This is what’s going to happen next. The things right here are the frames of the wings, pretty much. There’s not going to be any feathers yet, those need to grow wings, but there is going to be a lot of blood,” He got up and dusted off his robes. “You’re going to be fine, but I really need to go,”

“What?” Tubbo yelled. “You’re leaving?”

Phil shrugged. “I’ve got some important stuff to get to. I can’t just hold your hands all the way through it.”

“You- Tommy’s important! You can,” Tubbo protested. “You're his father! You can’t just leave!”

“I did years ago,” Phil said, “And he turned out fine. Besides, Wilbur was more his father than I was.”

“Maybe you think so, because of how shittily you treated him!” Tubbo growled. “But whether you want to acknowledge it or not, he was your son.”

Phil shrugged, turning to look at Tommy, who was crying, reaching out for something he’d never get. “He’s not my son. Never was. Even if he was, there’s not much worth saving in him, is there?”

“Get out.” Tubbo mumbled. “Go hang out with Technoblade, cause I know that’s where you’re going. If I ever see you around here again, I’ll kill you.”

“You’d have to get through Techno.” Phil said, clearly amused.

Tubbo turned to look Phil in the eye, and Phil knew he wasn’t lying. “I’ll kill him too.”

____

Tommy didn’t remember what happened. One minute he was on the dirt floor and his dad- Phil was there, and the next he was on a bed, with Quackity and Tubbo.

“Tubs?” He croaked.

Tubbo moved over. “Hi, you’re awake, hi! Are you doing okay? How’re you feeling?”

Tommy blinked, his eyelids heavy. His back ached. “My back is sore. Where’s dad?”

“I should hope your back hurts,” Quackity laughed. “You just grew wings.”

“But where- where’s Phil?”

Tubbo wouldn’t meet Tommy’s dazed gaze. “He can’t be here right now. Had to leave.”

“Probably some bullshit excuse about something important.” Tommy sighed. “Right? He always does that. Always has. Don’t know why I hoped it would be different.”

Quackity frowned. “On the plus side, hermano, you’ve been out for a bit and have already got some feathers! It’s just the fluff though, so they look really cute.”

“What the- no, I don’t wanna look cute, I’m a big man!” Tommy tried to protest, but Quackity laughed more.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to laugh, but they all fluffed up and-” He doubled over, and Tubbo managed a small smile.

Tommy swallowed, and sat up. He had to turn around, since he’d been on his stomach, but he was met with the familiar view of his bedroom. “Can I have some time alone, please?”

“Okay,” Tubbo said reluctantly. “But shout if you need anything, okay?”

Tommy said he would, and then as soon as the two others left, started crying. He remembered what Phil had said, even if he’d been listening while in immense pain. For as long as he could recall, he’d just wanted a family. People to love him. People to care about him. People to look at him and support him when they noticed he was down. 

He used to have that. Or maybe not, maybe he was just remembering it wrong. Glorifying the small amounts of affection that Phil had given him. God, Phil really never cared, did he? He just went on with Techno, trusting Wilbur to take care of the child. 

It hurt more that Phil had killed Wilbur than it did Phil disowning him. He knew deep down that it would’ve happened eventually, but he wished it hadn’t been so soon. Tommy knew he had a small family, right outside his door, but he couldn’t help but yearn for the family he used to be a part of. 

Everything in his room reminded Tommy of Philza. If he was going to go and pretend that he was fine, that he could leave his old family behind and love the new one, then he didn’t want the reminders.

Out went the old photo of the four of them, Tommy’s smile reflecting Phil’s, the glass breaking in the trash can. Goodbye to the scarf that hung on the wall with his other winter stuff that Phil had bought for him when they visited a village together. One of the only gifts that he’d ever gotten, while Techno paraded around with swords and jewels and everything that Tommy wanted. Tommy put on a beanie that Quackity had given him a while ago instead, covering the hair that so matched his father’s. 

Away went the pale blue cloak that carried memories of an arctic kingdom. Adios to the little gold bracelet that Techno had given to him to convince Tommy to leave him alone. 

Finally, when he stood in an empty room, all the reminders gone, he looked in the mirror. 

And, he saw his wings.

His wings- the soft feathers stretching into a huge wingspan, pale and hiding what colors the true feathers would be. God, he hoped they weren’t grey.

His wings were perhaps the biggest connection he had to Phil. They were the last tie that he needed to sever. 

Tommy thought it over. He didn’t want his decision to be rushed, or hasty, but he knew what he wanted. It was a few days later, when he was taking a walk with Tubbo, that he finally let his desire be known. 

“Tubbo,” He started, seemingly unaware of the shadow in the woods that watched them. “Do you like my wings?”

“Of course I do,” Tubbo replied, looking over. “Why?”

“Oh, well, I was just thinking they reminded me of Phil, a lot. And, considering he disowned me, I don’t like the reminder of a family that doesn’t love me.”

Tubbo frowned. “What are you trying to say?”

Tommy took out an axe, and shoved it into Tubbo’s hands. “I want you to cut them off.”

“What?”

“Cut them off.” Tommy said harshly. “I don’t want to look at them. I hate everyone they’re connected to, so I want them gone. Permanently.”

“If it’s… Are you sure that’s what you want?”

The grey-winged watcher didn’t stay any longer.

___

Philza visited Tommy the next day. Tommy was planting flowers outside of his house, which was remade out of wood, now.

“I see you’ve been busy.” Phil said, and Tommy scoffed.

“Why’re you here?”

Phil sighed. “I just… I’m scared I was too harsh. I wanted to apologize.”

Tommy’s back was covered with a bright red cloak. “You’re a little too late for that.”

“What do you mean?” Phil asked, fear settling down a little.

“All the times you could’ve apologised, and you choose now. I mean, of course you would.” Tommy said, sitting against the walls and looking up at Phil. “You could’ve come home from any of your adventures and been a better father. You could’ve helped Wilbur and I make a country of our own, ‘cause we had no idea what we were doing. You could’ve stopped Techno from killing Tubbo, because he only listens to you. You could’ve taken me home when Wilbur started keeping me from leaving our little ravine. You could’ve stopped Wilbur. You didn’t have to kill him.” Tommy started crying a little, and Phil sighed.

“I’m sorry, Tommy, but I had no idea-” 

“And whose fault is that?” Tommy screamed. “I sent you letters the whole time. I knew you’d never read them- maybe that’s why when Dream was abusing me I put every little detail into those little slips of papers. I said what I was really feeling in those letters when I couldn’t admit it to myself. You could’ve taken me down from that pillar. You could’ve realized what was going on when I had panic attacks every time you shut the door a little too loudly. You aren’t stupid. You just don’t care- and that’s why you sided with Dream to destroy the one place that I could truly call home. It’s your own fault that our relationship is irreparable, because you had chance after chance after chance to be my father, and you ignored them. Ignored me. No, Philza Minecraft, it’s far too late to apologise.”

“Do you still have them?” Phil asked softly.

“What, the wings?” Tommy scoffed again. “Of course that’s what you’d ask. Making sure I’m still under your control. Well, Phil, no.”

“No, what?” Phil asked, temper flaring. “Do you have them or not?”

“I know you were in the woods, eavesdropping.” Tommy said. “No, I’m not under your control anymore, Philza.” He took his cloak off, and Phil gasped. 

Tommy’s wings were still there. They were beautiful, too. Striking reds and oranges and yellows- a painting of a sunset as a symbol of the ending chapter. “You kept them.”

“I did.” Tommy said, glaring at Phil. “Not for you, though. I was going to let Tubbo chop them off, but I decided that I could go through the pain of losing them after just growing them and have them always in my mind, or,” He tilted his head. “I could keep them. Claim them as mine, learn to fly while you’re grounded forever. I think keeping them hurts you more than it does me- to know that I’m soaring above all of your bullshit, on wings that you gave me, would crush you, I think.”

“Aren’t you still my son, though?” Philza pleaded.

Tommy laughed. “I haven’t been since you walked out the door with Technoblade and left me alone with Wilbur for an entire year, missing my birthday that you promised you’d be at, without so much as a card. I haven’t been your son since you decided to prioritize everything over me, and I certainly am not your son now, when it only benefits you. Bye, Phil. I think you should leave.”

“Tommy, I-”

“You heard him,” came a voice from the doorway. Quackity stood there, arms crossed. Tubbo was behind him. “You should leave. It’s almost time for our family dinner, anyway.”

Phil took a step back. “They’ll never be your true family, Tommy.”

“Thank goodness for that,” Tubbo mentioned. “His biological family kinda treated him like shit.”

Tommy laughed, and patted Tubbo on the shoulder as he went inside. “Bye, Phil. Tell Technoblade I told him to fuck off, will you?”

The countryside echoed Tommy’s laughter as Phil went back to his own home. Apologising was worth a try, but Tommy had been right. He really didn’t care, did he? Maybe that was a realization for another day- Techno needed help with the next farm he was making, after all.

[ozcarr]

above was re: my tags.

I don't really wanna fight you or engage in fandom discourse, I'm just here to be a hater. Hense the asterisks.

That said... you've opened the door for me. And I have I have thoughts. But I don't actually care THAT much so this is it. Not spending any more of my time on the subject after this.

The whole space western thing part of the reason of why it sucks, actually. You can definitely do good space westerns, it's been done for decades. But this particular show did it kinda... irresponsibly? Uncreatively? Dare I say shittily?

I feel like F****** was writing checks it couldn't cash when it came to theming and social commentary. Like, "This is a space western! We got gun slingers and horses and leather dusters! And uhhhhh we have manifest destiny! Yeah! Humans are terraforming this land to fit their needs! And um.... this was a planet with a habitable atmosphere but don't worry -- it was a barren wasteland with little recourses and nobody living on it. There's nothing to desecrate and noone to displace! Convenient!" That's a weird-ass choice to make when you had the opportunity to make a point instead.

And while there's no displaced extraterrestrial life, there's the reavers. And they're human too, sure, but they're evil and sexually violent and animalistic and live in the isolated "uncivilized" corners of space. Its pretty fucking bad even when you're not looking at through the specific lens of the western genre and it's associated tropes.

I think F****** had a great opportunity to really get nitty-gritty and deconstruct all the poorly aged issues with the western genre, but in a science fiction setting. And instead they sort of did the opposite? And when it comes to the actually intended theme of the show, it feels like all the writers had to say was "the government is bad and unethical and it'll either horribly exploit you or leave you to rot." Even with their limited time... I think they probably could have gotten deeper with it.

I dunno. If I wanted to watch a better written show with a similar outlook on space colonization and corrupt government and exploitation of the lower classes, I'd watch The Expanse. And if I wanted to watch a good, fun, human-only space western I'd just watch Cowboy Bebop.

meanwhile, F****** has a lot of the shitty aspects of westerns and not a lot of the meaningful social commentary or fun creativity I like to see in science fiction. So yeah. Sorry. Not a fan.

Since I've been talking about science fiction shows and j*** w****** today.... I just wanna come out and say I think f*refly kinda sucks.

[iamnmbr3]

Me being just slightly somewhat excited for No Way Home and Multiverse of Madness:

Mike Waldron: *is involved*

Me: My disappointment is immeasurable and my day has been ruined.

"Fun" times being a Loki, Dr Strange and Wanda fan. Or just accidentally getting into the MCU again and then having to think about this. I also bet Thor: Love and Thunder is going to be as shitty as it’s title. And that Thor’s character is going to be butchered even more, while also getting the Loki Series treatment when he gets sidelined in his own movie. Also I don’t think anything can make me excited for Lady Thor. Maybe comic fans are, but as a casual movie watcher I’d say Jane Foster is probably my least favorite character. She’s just so blank and when she’s not she’s kinda annoying. Her role is just shittily written Love Interest and Plot Device. The whole Taking up the Mantle situation works with Sam and Yelena because I like them as people and characters. But I have a feeling it’s going to be really bad here. Like Disney and their so called "feminism" and Strong Female Characters(tm). And this coming from a woman. We’re so often badly written in media. Sigh.

Yupppp. The MCU doesn’t know how to write women for the most part. They just write them in this super sexist way with no depth or vulnerability and then try to act progressive when literally that’s how omen were being portrayed back in the 1800s. MoM might be a little better than the Larry show bc the reshoots might be due to audiences disliking Mike’s writing so maybe they can fix it somewhat. Plus Mike doesn’t seem to hate Dr Strange as much as he hates Loki so he probably will write him badly by accident (like he did with Mobius and Sylvie) rather than actively sabotage him. But yeah. It’s not looking good. I’m really glad I wasn’t planning to see the movie anyway. I would definitely encourage you not to believe any of the PR or trailers or critics reviews bc the critics lie to appease Disney and Disney straight up falsified the PR for the Loki series and even used fake footage. So they can’t be trusted. The only way to find out what it’s actually like is to ask someone you know personally who saw it. Mike Waldron is just. So awful. But yeah the MCU’s mostly been a mess these days.

[mellowswriting]

Congrats on 100! For the requests can you write something with Marcus Pike where he never knew the reader had tattoos because her ex hated them so she covers them up with their clothing. I hope its not too specific or odd ❤ (Sorry if this sent multiple times, im having internet issues)

Ink

pairing || Marcus Pike x Reader

summary ||  Marcus discovers your tattoos - and why you hid them from him.

word count || 1,546

warnings || shitty ex, kinda hurt/comfort

Main Masterlist  |  Join the taglist

Your day, put simply, was going absolutely shittily.

First, you woke up feeling amazingly well rested. Sounds like a great thing, right? No. Unbeknownst to you, your phone charger became unplugged and your phone had died overnight. Without your alarms to get you up and caffeinated, you were left to scramble into your office attire and out the door with a frazzled mind and zero coffee in hand. You knew better than to try to tackle what was starting as a difficult day without the energy boost, so you bit the bullet and stopped at a café on your way to work. 

Foolishly, you thought your morning was looking up when you made it through the line in record time - until you took a sip of your coffee and simultaneously burned the everloving hell out of your tongue and learned that your order was not only incorrect, but entirely undrinkable. The attitude in which you dropped the to go cup into the trash outside of FBI headquarters could’ve brought the entire building down, but that was neither here nor there. You couldn’t find it in you to be frustrated with the sweet baristas at the café - they were overwhelmed with the morning rush, after all. No, your frustration was placed solely on the universe.  

In a last ditch effort to save your morning, you stopped by the break room for a cup of shitty office coffee to take back into your little office. You were frazzled enough that the team didn’t stop you on your march through the bullpen. With the blinds open to let the early morning sunshine warm your back, you settled at your desk and finally took what felt like the first somewhat calm breath since you opened your eyes. You grabbed your worn notepad and began jotting down the list of tasks you had to get done that day, grateful that it was mostly humdrum paperwork and not anything grueling. You wouldn’t have had the spoons for that. 

There was something about having each of your responsibilities laid out and ready for you to tackle that made you feel much better. A small light at the end of the tunnel. You took a deep breath and began filling out your latest case reports, your practiced fingers flying over the keys of your laptop. Of course, in true fashion, the universe decided to put you in your place. You reached for your coffee, eyes still on the laptop screen, and severely misjudged the distance and managed to tip the cup over. 

“Son of a bitch!” You hissed, shooting out of your seat at the bite of hot coffee dripping down your front. Instinct had you ripping your blazer off and pulling at the buttons of your blouse, desperate to get the soaked fabric away from your skin. At least you were wearing a tank top beneath it, even though it was thin enough to be almost see through. “You have got to be kidding me.” 

Three quick knocks rapped against your door and you didn’t even have to guess who it was - Marcus Pike, your coworker, good friend and his latest title - boyfriend. He never strayed in his little patterned knocking, something you found endearing even when you were having a comically bad morning. 

“Come on in, Marcus!” You called out as you dug around in your drawers for the wipes you kept there. Marcus entered with a bright smile that faltered slightly at your disheveled state. Your tone is almost sarcastic as you continue. “Good morning.” 

“Oh, honey.” Marcus said, quickly closing the door behind him before anyone could catch a glimpse of you sliding your blouse off. The dark, intricate lines inked into your skin caught his eye immediately but he didn’t let his gaze linger. 

He couldn’t lie - he had noticed the constant long-sleeved blouses and sweaters you wore, but didn’t pry. If you had something you wanted to hide from the world, Marcus was sure you would tell him when you were ready to. But now that he knew it was just what appeared to be some amazing tattoos, he was a bit confused. They were beautiful. Why would you want to hide them? 

You were obviously having a hard time. The hard set of your jaw and scrunched state of your eyebrows would have been enough to tell him that even if he wasn’t watching you try to clean the coffee from your skin with a pack of wet wipes. Your hair wasn’t tied back like it usually would. Instead it hung loose around your shoulders, falling in your face every now and then and making you huff in annoyance. 

Annoyed, sticky, and absolutely over the day, and you still looked god damn ethereal. How did he get so lucky?

“How can I help?” Marcus asked as he rounded your desk and you gave him a grateful smile. 

“Can you grab the extra shirt from the cupboard? Thank god I have a back up at least.” If there was one thing you could always count on, it was Marcus Pike being the best man on Earth. You smiled when he handed you the clean shirt before he began wiping your desk clean. “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“Of course,” Marcus tossed the soiled wipes into your trashcan, grinning and pumping his arm animatedly when they went in. What an adorable dork. He ran his hands up and down your biceps gently and you almost shivered at the warmth of his palms. “What happened?”

“Coffee has betrayed me at every turn this morning.” You pouted again as you leaned into his chest. The sight of Marcus staring down at you with that concerned, loving gaze made fluttering erupt in your belly. 

“So I suppose I shouldn’t ask if you want to get some with me for lunch, huh?” Marcus asked with that breathtaking mischievous smile and you couldn’t help but crack up at him. His thumbs rubbed circles into your skin and you glanced down, watching his fingertip run over the lines of your tattoo. You realized with a jolt that he had never seen them before. 

Your body art was something you loved - you didn’t spend endless hours in a chair getting stabbed with needles a million times for nothing. The dark swirls of ink were intricate, something that you used to be complimented on often. Until your ex came along, of course. It wasn’t as if you hid them from him. No, he was well aware that you had tattoos and planned to get more, so when he asked you to cover them up before going out one night you had been confused, and then pissed. 

Who the hell had he been to tell you to hide a part of yourself that you loved?

Those subtle requests morphed into small jabs and complaints. Over time, you began covering them by habit, trying to avoid the whole mess altogether. It wasn’t worth arguing about, you convinced yourself. Once he tried to convince you to get them removed? No, that was the last straw. Even though he wasn’t even a blip on your radar, you still found yourself keeping them covered, a small, insecure voice in your head warning you of a threat that was no longer there. 

You held your arm out, giving him silent permission to openly follow the linework, and Marcus took the opportunity with a smile. His touch was as gentle as ever, up and down your arm from piece to piece. “Sorry, I know they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea,”

“Do you like them?” The question catches you off guard but you nod immediately. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind about their importance to you or their beauty. Marcus shrugged. “Nothing else matters then.”

Tension you hadn’t even realized you had been holding melted away from your chest. The way he looked at you… it was the same appreciation and intensity he reserved for the artwork obtained by the team, his gaze hungry for every detail he had the honor of seeing firsthand. 

“Do you like them?” You whispered, your curiosity getting the better of you. 

“They’re beautiful.” Marcus doesn’t miss a beat. “I’d love to hear the stories behind them, if there are any.”

“Yeah, there are a few.” You guided his hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles before settling back on your arm, your chest thick with an emotion you couldn’t quite name. Marcus immediately began following the lines again and you chuckled. “You really like them, huh?”

“Honestly? I think they’re sexy.” Marcus murmured as he pulled you against his chest by your waist and you positively flushed. The image of Marcus’s tongue tracing your tattoos enveloped you unbiddenly. You bit back a groan - that man was going to be the death of you. 

You pressed up on your tiptoes and kissed him. The woes of your morning faded into the background at the delighted sound he gave against your lips, one hand abandoning your waist to hold you steady at your jaw. You draped your arms over his shoulders and lost yourself in his warmth, his comfort. There wasn’t a thing in this world that Marcus couldn’t make better with a few soft words and a gentle touch.

[bellamyblake]

I kinda wish in the end of s4 Bellamy and Clarke had an almost kiss, or any sort of almost moment.. like something that doesn’t “officially” happen, but they feel something that makes them actually confused about how they feel about each other. And then when they meet again 6 years later they wouldn’t have to get together right away since Bellamy has a girlfriend now and it’s been a several years, but whatever that thing is between them is still kinda there, idk i think it would’ve made a lot of sense since Jason wanted to keep delaying bellarke and this is way at least we get something while he doesn’t have to commit to them yet

I was thinking about this yesterday actually...

I’ve thought about this a lot through that time since it aired but I’d say that I personally disagree with it as much as I also want it.

I think besides season 6 I could see them kissing in that moment where they talk in 4x13 but then I realized that the writers, being who they are, even if they kissed, they’d never like...want to get together after the time jump. They’d just do what they did anyway-angst, shit, maybe some lame ass dialogue that would’ve made things worse. In fact I’m glad it didn’t happen, that they didn’t kiss cause otherwise would’ve definitely been worse. Most definitely worse. So I actually do agree with Bob here, I think season 6 was the time as much as the fandom doesn’t. Even in one or two it would’ve been bad-they would’ve made them then split them for L/exa and forgotten all about them. I don’t think they would’ve even written them dialogues or anything, could’ve maybe killed him earlier like Finn. 

Maybe Bob’s idea of this was yes, because he put HIS character first and he was absolutely right about it and I support him 100% cause for me Bellamy always comes before Bellarke, and second of all cause it they had shoved him into this they’d have never progressed it the right way and it’d have resulted in an early death and I believe this. Maybe season 4 or 5, they could’ve killed him especially after season 3 to show him *paying for his mistakes and the genocide*.

The problem wasn’t with the progression or the actors or anything. It was that they never talked, like Bob said. 

And if you think about it the only good romances on the show, actually...I think romances are just so shittily written on the 100 that sometimes I am glad Bellarke didn’t happen honestly. I think Jason just refuses to do it, to indulge as he says *fangirls* and instead kiss the dicks of those reddit dudes. 

But the only good romances were of side couples like memori and marper or maya and jasper or perhaps in ways kane and abby but never the main couples, always something effed up and got screwed and he just refused to. Sometimes I think he killed L/xa just cause he refused to do a proper well-written love story.

The thing is i’m not sure he can. Maybe he can but he doesn’t want to that is the thing.

So, I’m okay. Sometimes I am okay living in my brain. I’m good. 

[thedreadvampy]

Tbf on the Martin thing while i know that's not what you meant the reason alot of people got pussy was cause it was right about the time they'd been an issue with acephobia in the greater fandom already and the way you phrased it tbh did really feel like you were equating ace!Martin and Martin being infantilised in a post about martin being infantilised being bad. Basically it kinda sounded like you didn't want people hc-ing Martin as ace because it was infantilising (which also then linked back to some shit that happened with ace discourse) and the post blew up a bit and that mixed with you Knowing Jonny and you coming off pretty aggro or not wanting to give a straight answer on what you meant (or that's what people felt you were doing) yeah that's why that went that way.

Tbf I'm not really interested in relitigating who was right and who was wrong in that particular argument, I feel the way I feel and other people feel differently and I think everything's pretty much already been said like six months ago. I asked because I couldn't remember what happened not because I was longing for the days of pointless arguing.

however because I can't resist digging myself deeper Ever I'll relitigate it anyway under the cut

I have little to no involvement with the wider fandom so I'm not sure how their acephobia was on me in any way

I could have worded the post better but I maintain it takes a pretty bad faith reading of the post to think that my problem is with ace Martin hcs when I specifically said both in the post and the tags and further clarifications that I was talking about the way that people desexualise fat, queer and abused people OUTSIDE of ace hcs

I have said about a zillion times that me knowing Jonny doesn't mean I know shit about TMA and that we've literally never talked about it. which being the case it is pure wild that people think it's a reasonable reason to treat me like some sort of voice of authority.

I have also said about a billion times and will say again that people aren't in fact entitled to demand a full accounting of a stranger's opinions out of the blue. like it is, in fact, confusing and surprising to me the degree to which people took personally the idea that a stranger could be annoyed or disinterested in discussing something that they wanted them to talk about. that's why I keep thinking there must be more to the anger about me from certain users. but like nah apparently 90% of the reason people get pissed off at me is either a) Using The Wrong Tone To Talk To Myself On My Personal Blog which they interpret as attacking them personally or b) Not Being Constantly Available On Demand To Answer And Reanswer Questions That Shouldn't Even Be Questions In The Full Knowledge That Any Poor Wording Will Be Treated As Malice. Sorry, my tone's getting a tad aggro again, I do recognise that, but I find it really frustrating to have it consistently treated as deeply inherently suspicious and/or malicious to not immediately rattle off a perfect answer to "questions" which are fairly thinly veiled traps. like there is no good answer to "what's your opinion on ace people." "ace people exist" is not a matter of opinion and I could just say "ace people are valid and good and fine uwu" which is like. True. but also utterly trite and validates the idea that point in a random stranger's inbox to grill them about Which Minorities Are Valid Uwu is in any way an acceptable or boundaried way to behave. Which I don't believe it is, and treating it as if it's a totally normal and fine thing to do just to get people to leave me alone would be pretty unprincipled imo.

Like I say I've said all this before, I'm just retreading old ground. But in terms of the Why Did This Blow Up, yeah I hear what you're saying but even trying to step back from my own experience and view this from outside, I'm still pretty surprised that a kind of shittily worded post at a bad time (from a blog that was pretty detached from the wider TMA fandom) followed by an Insufficient Disavowal of extremely nebulous accusations of acephobia, ended up being such a big thing.

Like literally. the majority of the messages I was getting were i n c r e d i b l y broad and vague. they said things like "what's your opinion on ace people" and "are you an aphobe" and I repeatedly answered them saying "I mean ace people exist and are my friends and comrades, what's the question?"

And I hope that when people raised specific issues about my actual conduct I answered them. I certainly tried to, to the best of my abilities - like I got a bit defensive initially but I agreed that my wording in the Martin post was poor and I did my best to clarify my intention (which had been to say "IF WE ASSUME THAT Martin isn't aroace," which I thought was a fair assumption when from context I was talking about a Martin being written in sexual or romantic relationships, but which I phrased as "Martin isn't [list of items including aroace]" bc as with most of my posts I wrote it in one go without reading it back). I kept saying that if people were specific about what was wrong with my conduct specifically, what they wanted explained and what they wanted me to change, I was happy to discuss that, but I wasn't happy to give some sort of Simple Definitive Answer to broad questions that were not mine to speak authoritatively on and which I often was like "I can't even begin to tell you my opinions on the answer until we unpick the question a LOT" (like. yes I could say honestly that I believe that ace/aro people are queer as a topline answer but if we go any deeper than that then we need to unpick what queerness is, what aro/aceness is, what context we're talking in, what is meant by queer spaces, etc etc and it's not something I would feel honest giving a yes/no answer to when a lot of people mean a lot of different things by the question, some of which I agree with and some of which I don't.) And it's not helped by the fact that when I have tried to answer questions in a way which feels honest, which inevitably gets long and ramble bc that's how my brain works, people have repeatedly got really hostile not because of what I say but because I've written an answer longer than "yes I fully agree with every possible permission of your point." like literally I have had people rant about how I'm being defensive or dodging the question when a) they haven't actually read my answer by their own admission and b) I'm literally. answering the question. it's fundamentally baffling to me that giving a short unnuanced answer with the intent of getting someone off your back is seen as less "dodging the question" than giving a paragraphs-long thoughtful and inconclusive answer. like this isn't a fucking debate. I'm not here to win an argument. I'm here to think about what I believe and why, and sometimes an honest answer is neither simple or conclusive.

idk man this post is actively unhelpful to everyone but me, but while I don't WANT to relitigate this every time I mention it I DO want to be absolutely clear that I have thought about all these things at length. some things were my fuckup, some things I stand by, but I still think it ended up with a response wildly disproportionate to the actual mistakes I made.

(which were there. evidently. but it seems like a very strange and spiralling way to react to "person who words things ambiguously and doesn't always give immediate clear responses to broad questions about complex issues")

[lakesandquarries]

Baby Shoes - Chapter 2

Bubby has been a doctor at Black Mesa for 20 years, living there for 50. He’s been bouncing around from project to project, working on whatever needs most help. He doesn’t have any opinions on his work or his coworkers or anything like that, preferring to keep to himself.

Then he meets Black Mesa’s newest project.

AKA: Bubby is Benrey’s dad au.

title from “Baby Shoes” by Bad Books.

AO3 Link

He stays away from the Biological Research department for three whole days before curiosity gets the best of him. Work is the only thing that’s a suitable distraction, and his current work is frustratingly easy. He’s supposed to be moved around departments, placed on whatever project is most difficult, but currently he’s just helping design a new line of robotic limbs. It’s almost an insult, frankly.

He tests the springs on the arm one last time, determines that there’s nothing more he can do today, and leaves.

The trip to Biological Research is a short one, but once he’s there he’s reminded of how confusing it is. The scientists seem less frazzled today, at least. He winds up in a hall filled with desks, some kind of office space perhaps? Most of them are empty or occupied by very stressed looking scientists, but he spots one young man with blond hair sitting at a desk playing with a slinky, and makes his way over.

“Excuse me,” Bubby says, clearing his throat. The young man straightens up, accidentally launching his slinky across the room.

“Oh, shit,” he mumbles as it narrowly avoids hitting someone.

“You might wanna pick that up before someone trips on it. Or, don’t, it’ll be good entertainment.”

The man snorts as he stands up, grabbing his slinky and dusting it off. “Maybe. Not worth risking my job if the wrong person slips.” He holds his hand out to Bubby. “Dr. Dekkard.”

Bubby shakes it warily. “Dr. Bubby.” Dekkard’s eyes widen, and his grip tightens.

“Oh, shit! You’re the -”

“Ultimate Lifeform, yes.” He smiles at Dekkard, showing off his slightly sharper than average teeth.

“Damn, what - what are you doing here? I was told you were working in the Robotics Department.” He releases Bubby’s hand, shoving his own into the pocket of his lab coat, the other still fiddling with the slinky.

“I am. I get curious.”

“I dunno, most of the sh - uh, stuff here is pretty boring.”

“You can swear, Dr. Dekkard. We’re all adults here.” Probably. Dekkard has the look of someone too young to be working at Black Mesa, still innocent and excited about the possibilities of science. The spark in his eyes will be gone soon enough. “I had...an encounter here, the other day. There was a subject that escaped, apparently?”

Dekkard nods. “Yeah, XEN-3. Don’t know much about it - some kinda shapeshifting alien? It’s supposed to be really dangerous, though. Bit a scientist a while back and nearly killed the guy.” He shrugs, taking his hand out of his pocket so he can move the slinky between both hands. “I only started here a month ago, I don’t know much about it. It keeps trying to escape though, the guys in charge are pretty pissed.”

Bubby purses his lips, thinking. “Maybe they need a new perspective. A better perspective. Who’s in charge?”

“Dr. Zeki. She’s - I think she’s free right now? I can show you where her office is.”

“Yes, please do.” Bubby straightens his lab coat. Dekkard drops the slinky on his desk before leading Bubby down one of the many identical corridors. They stop after reaching a door with a plaque attached to it.

Dr. Amelia Zeki, Head of Biological Research.

Dekkard knocks on the door. “Dr. Zeki? I’ve got someone who wants to see you.”

There’s a sigh on the other side. “Send them in.”

“Alright, well. Good luck. Uh, nice meeting you. I’ll see you around?”

“Maybe,” Bubby says. He hopes he doesn’t. He hopes Dekkard quits within the next 20 minutes and finds somewhere else to work that isn’t this shit hole.

He opens the door to Zeki’s office.

Behind the desk, looking over a stack of papers, is the same woman he saw the other day. The one who shot Benrey in front of him. This is the same person in charge of their well being?

“Well?” Zeki asks, looking up at him. “I assume there’s a reason you’re here, but I’m busy. I don’t have time to wait for you to say something.”

“I had a few questions. About the - the subject I encountered the other day.”

“XEN-3?” She puts the papers down. “Did it bite you or something? If so, you’re gonna need antibiotics immediately, it -”

“It didn’t hurt me,” Bubby says sharply. “I only encountered it briefly, but it seemed perfectly docile.”

“You’d better hope you don’t encounter it again, then, because I doubt you’ll get that lucky twice.”

“That’s what I came here to ask about, actually. I’m - well, the current project I’m working on is far below my usual standard. I’m hoping to find something more...challenging.”

Zeki raises an eyebrow. “And you want to deal with the violent shapeshifting alien?”

“It’s certainly a challenge, isn’t it?”

She looks back at her papers, tapping her chin thoughtfully. “We have it pretty heavily restrained at the moment, and it would be nice to have someone who can interact with it without getting attacked.” She pushes her chair back from the table and stands up. “I can’t believe I’m doing this. Fine. You can come see it.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet.”

How does anyone find their way around this place? The hall Zeki takes Bubby down is identical to every other god damn hallway in this shitty department. She leads him into a room with a large glass partition, separating the subject from the scientists. One-way glass, he assumes. Bubby steps forward to get a better look, and his blood goes cold.

There’s no cage like he’d seen a few days ago. This is an entirely new enclosure, a different room than before.

It’s worse. They replaced the cage with heavy chains and shackles. The presumably cold metal clamped around Benrey's wrists, ankles, waist, with even their tiny neck being held by the restraints They’re flopped over, the chains the only thing keeping them upright, and their eyes are open but vacant.

“Are - are they alive? ”

Zeki nods. “Thing won’t stay dead. No matter what we throw at it, it just heals itself. Total reset.”

“I -” he wants to strangle her. He thinks back to just a few days ago, Benrey clinging to his shirt, impossibly grateful for the simple gift of a name.

“It’s not sentient,” Zeki says. “It just imitates what it sees. It’s not like you , Dr. Bubby.”

But it is. It’s exactly like him. He remembers days spent floating listlessly in his tube, wishing for something, anything to happen. Even some kind of experiment, because at least then he wouldn’t be alone. Days spent slamming against the glass in a feeble attempt to break it.

He swallows down the words he wants to say. “If they’re a shapeshifter, how are chains supposed to keep it in place?” Bubby asks, stepping away from the glass and forcing himself to look away.

“It’s not impossible, but it’s harder. We keep the cuffs tight so it can’t expand without hurting itself, and getting smaller seems to be more difficult somehow. It’s only a temporary solution, though. We’ve been hoping to study the shapeshifting better, but it’s tricky.”

“I understand you also have an...escaping problem.”

She clenches her jaw, muscles in her neck twitching. “Only a few times.”

“Over how long?”

“Five. Five times in three months.”

“Hm.” Bubby steps forward, touching a hand to the glass, then walks a slow circle around the room. “There might be a better way to prevent it from escaping.”

Zeki sighs, rubbing her temples. “Fine. Let’s hear your idea.”

“You could always try to improve its living situation. Give it some incentive to stay.”

She shakes her head. “Its first cage was fine . It’s just being difficult.”

“I know you said it’s not sentient, but -”

“It’s just mimicking us. It doesn’t understand what it says, or what it does, or any of that. It’s from Xen. All it wants to do is kill and eat, and sometimes that means a little bit of acting.”

“It must’ve chosen this form for a reason. Humans are, to put it plainly, shittily designed when it comes to killing and eating. So why not try treating it like a human?”

Zeki eyes him again, studying him as intensely as he’s seen her stare at Benrey. “You’ve got some kind of attachment to it.”

“I find it interesting. It’s more of a challenge than robotic arms. ”

Another long moment as Zeki stares at him. “You know what? Sure. Fine. I’ll clear it with the head of Robotics, see if we can borrow you over here. I’ll give it a try. But Mr. Bubby, I do hope you remember your place here.”

“That’s Doctor Bubby,” he snaps, straightening up to his full height. He’s nearly a full head taller than her, yet can’t shake the feeling of being looked down on.

“Like I said. I hope you remember your place.”