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andydrysdalerogers · 5 months ago

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You Belong With Me ~ Johnny Storm

Ranch Hand! Johnny Storm x Rancher’s Daughter!Reader

Summary: Your best friend is in love with you. You just don’t know it yet…

Song: You Belong With Me by Taylor Swift

Word Count: 6.7k

Warnings: angst, pet death, pining, minor domestic violence, smut! (Oral-female receiving, masturbation, p in v, loss of virginity)

Banners by me! Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Main Master List

Please note that I do not give permission for my work to be translated, reposted, or published anywhere other than my Tumblr. Reblogs and likes are most welcome though!

Johnny POV

I’m in love with my best friend. Problem is, she doesn’t know that.

Three years ago, I started working on the YLN Rainbow Ranch for her father, Mr. YLN. First day on the job, I was told not to harass his daughter. For weeks, I never met the girl in question. Then one day, a girl was in the stable, stroking the nose of one of the horses, Daisy.

“Hey Miss? You’re not supposed to be here,” I called out. It was close to dusk, and I was closing for the night. I walked over to the girl and tapped her shoulder. She jumped back, tripping on me. I caught her before she hit the ground. She popped a headphone out of her ear.

“You scared me!” She looked at me with bright, wide eyes, her skin flawless, her hair in curly pigtails. She’s beautiful and I’m stunned. “Hey, let me go.” That’s when I realized that I’ve caught her in a dip and she’s looking up at me.

I move quickly to get her on her feet, and I pull my cap off and run a nervous hand through my hair. “Sorry, miss. The stables are closing.”

“Its ok, I live here. YN,” she offers her hand.

“Johnny, I’m one of the ranch hands.”

“Oh, cool. Sorry I’ve been away and only just got back from camp.”

“That’s nice,” I tell her, trying not to stare.

She looked at me curiously. “How old are you?”

“Eighteen. You?”

She looked shocked. “A gentleman should never ask a lady her age.”

I chuckled. “Something tells me you ain’t no lady.”

She giggled. “I’m fifteen.”

Fuck, she’s jailbait. “Well, did you need someone to walk you back to the house?”

She saw that it was getting dark, and she smiled. “I would like that.”

I knew I was risking my hide and my job if her father thought I was doing anything inappropriate. So I keep enough room between us as we walked. “So, camp? How was that?”

“Long but fun. I’m considered a counselor now so I get to be in charge but the kids are great, so it was just a fun sleepover.” She shrugged. “I don’t know if I’ll do it again. I’d rather ride my horse all summer.”

“Let me guess. Your horse is Daisy?”

“Good guess. I’ve had her since I started riding at four. She’s my best friend. She listens to me and doesn’t judge me. Kinda like you,” she tells me. “You don’t talk a lot.”

“Not really. My mouth usually gets me in trouble.” I smirk. “My twin sister says that my mouth can get me in and out of trouble.”

“I can see that.” She gives me her own smirk. We get to her door. “Thanks for walking me back.”

“Any time, Cowgirl.”

“See ya, Cowboy.”

It’s been that way for three years. Every day I worked hard and at night, YN would visit me in the barn as I finished for the day. I’d walk her home and say good night. When she was having a hard day, I would climb to her window and whisper with her, never going inside for fear of her father finding me.

Until one day, she stopped coming to the barn.

Three years later…

I was closing up the barn, waiting for YN, when I saw another car pull up to the house. I saw a guy get out and knock on the door. I watched as my YN came out with a smile and a pretty dress and took the hand of the guy that wasn’t me. She climbed into the car, and they drove off.

She took my heart with her.

It was her senior year. She is eighteen now. And I wanted to ask her out but I was too late. I finished my duties, headed to my own truck and went to the bar, to drown my sorrows.

The next morning was brutal. I barely made it to work on time with the hangover of the century.

Time went on and I did my job, caring for the horses, getting them out to the yard for exercise or grooming. It had been about three months since YN had started dating Ransom. What the hell kinda name was Ransom anyway? I kept my thoughts to myself. YN would still visit me on occasion, gushing about her new beau and how perfect he was. I tried to be as supportive has possible as her best friend but it killed me inside,

One March afternoon, I went to take the horses out to their yard. We had another month before we started moving cattle so I got them to roam and exercise as best I could. I went to Daisy’s stall, but she wasn’t herself. She whines and stamps; she was in distress. I ran for YN’s father. “Mr. YLN! You gotta call the vet! Something is wrong with Daisy!” He pulled out his phone as I ran back to the horse.

“It's ok girl, we’ll get you all fixed up, you’ll see.” I stoked her neck and nose, trying to calm her. Fifteen minutes later, Doc Brown, the vet, came in and did a check. I tried to keep her calm as he checked on her.

After a few minutes, Doc removed his glasses. “I’m sorry Mr. YLN. Daisy has twisted gut. Normally I would say surgery but given her age, I don’t think that’s wise. It would just cause more pain.”

“Shit.” Her father looked up to blink back tears. “I need to call YNN.”

“I can do it, Mr. YLN,” I offered. He nodded as he discussed logistics with Doc. I reached for my phone and called, taking a deep breath as it rang.

“Hey Cowboy!”

“Hey Cowgirl. Where are you?”

“I’m having lunch with Mama. Why?”

I tried to keep my voice steady. “YN, I need you to come to the horse barn right now.”

“Is everything ok?”

“No. It’s Daisy.”

“Daisy? Mama, we have to go. I’ll be right there, Johnny.” She hung up and I turned to Doc and Mr. YLN. “YN and Mrs. YLN are on the way.”

“Thanks Johnny. Can you stick around?”

“Sure.” I hung back as they moved Daisy to a bigger stall so she would have more room. I’ve seen animals put down before but not one that was considered more family than anything else. Twenty minutes later, YN came running in. “Daddy! Johnny! What’s going on? Why is Diasy in there?”

Her father puts his hands on her shoulders. “Sweetheart, Daisy has twisted gut. Doc tried to fix it but the only way to do that is with surgery.”

“Ok. Are they getting ready for that?” She asks with hope.

Mr. YLN sighs. “No baby. She’s too old for that. We have to…”

“No,” she backs away. “No, she’s my Daisy! You can’t…” She runs into the pen with Daisy and hangs onto her neck, sobbing uncontrollably. We all give her some time as I help Doc get everything ready.

“It’s time, YNN,” her dad calls.

“Daddy, please, don’t let them do this. Let’s fix her, please!”she cries.

“If I thought it would be the best thing for her, if Doc thought she would survive, I would. But she’s an old girl and its time. I’m so sorry sweetheart.” He tries to hug his daughter, but she wiggles free and runs right into my arms. I hold her tight, feeling her tears run through her body. I look at my boss and his heart his broken for his little girl.

“Do you want to stay, YN? We can wait outside if…”

“No,” she cuts me off, “I want to stay with her.”

“Ok, we can stay. I’ll hold your hand if you want.”

She turned away from me but kept my hand in hers. “I’m r-ready, Doc.”

“Ok, I’ll inject a sedative to put her to sleep and then administer the narcotic. She won’t feel anything, YN.”

She nods but goes to Daisy one more time. “I love you, Daisy. Thank you for being my best friend.” She kisses her nose one more time before she comes back to me. She grips my hand hard. I see her father eyeing me warily. But I stand tall.

Once the doc administered the last dose, YN wailed and turned into me again. I held her to me, letting her cry. She needed this, to just cry for the loss of her best friend. As she starts to hiccup, I whisper to her, “Let’s get you home, ok?” She nods and I guide her out.

She continues to cry as I walk her to the house. Her cell phone rings and she answers, trying to calm her voice. “Ransom? Are you on your way? We stop walking as she talks to that entitled prick. But I need you… Daisy died and… no I understand… am I going to… ok, bye.” She turned to me and blushed. “His grandfather needs him,” waving the phone.Her smile came out watery. “He’ll come by later.”

One more tear fell from her eye. I cupped her cheek and thumbed her cheek to clear the tear. “I’m here, Cowgirl.” I pull her to me and rest my chin on her head as she sobbed. I walked her to the porch steps, and I sat us down. It took a while but she finally got to sniffle. “You doing, ok?”

“Yeah.” She looked at me with your beautiful eyes, red rimmed, puffy lips, tear-stained cheeks. “He’s not a bad guy, you know.”

“I know.”

“But I’m thankful I have you.” She smiles. “Will you come see me tonight?”

“Cowgirl, that is not…”

“Please, Johnny. I just want to talk and get out of my head. “She gave me her puppy eyes and I fucking cave. Because I always cave.

I’d do anything for her.

“Sure, Cowgirl. I’ll be by around midnight.”

“Thank you, Cowboy.”

At midnight, I came on my bike and parked behind the barn, so I didn’t wake her parents. There’s an old tree right next to her window that I always scale. Thankfully, her parent’s room is on the other side of the house. There is a faint light in the window. The night light she’s had since five, was still on. It was the shape and color of Daisy and I knew she had it in because she was missing her friend. Once I got onto the roof, I gently tapped the window so YN knew I was there. She opened the curtain and smiled at me in the window. She opened it gently. “Hi Cowboy.”

“Hey Cowgirl.” I sat next to the window. “How are you feeling?”

She gave me a sad smile. “I’m ok. Ransom didn’t come by. He said he was too busy.” She sighed and looked at her lamp. “I miss her.”

“I know you do, Cowgirl. But after a while, we’ll find you a new horse to raise because that’s what Daisy would want.”

“You think?”

“Well, if something happened to me, I would want you to find a new best friend because I never want you to be alone. I feel like Daisy and I are kindred spirits like that. We both love you.”

I didn’t realize the implication of my words. They were the truth, that’s all I know. I looked out at the moon and sighed. Every day I wished she knew that she belonged with me. That she would wake and see me and knew what she that I was the one she was looking for. But I can’t force her. I’d still be there for her no matter what.

“You mean that, Johnny?” I turned to face her, and she was closer to me.

A tendril of hair had escaped her messy bun and I gently pushed in behind her ear. Yeah, YN, I mean it.

She studied me with those beautiful eyes before she leaned forward and pressed her soft lips to mine. I was stunned for half a second before I gave myself into it. I put my hand on her neck to hold her close to me and deepened it. I would have been a big fat fucking liar if I didn’t say that it was the best kiss of my life. I finally pulled back to let us breathe but kept our foreheads together. “Cowgirl…”

“Yes, Cowboy?”

“That was… amazing.”

“Yeah, it was.” She pulled back smiling before her face started to fall. “Oh my… Johnny, I’m…”

I stop her. “Don’t say your sorry. Please. I don’t regret any of that. But I understand. You have a boyfriend. I respect that. But I’m always here for you, Cowgirl.” I look at my watch. “I should go. I have to be back here in five hours.”

She frowned but when I turned to leave, she grabbed my hand and stopped me. “Are you riding Torch tomorrow?”

Torch was one of the wild horses we had caught. I had been trying to tame him but he was still pretty wild. The only people he seems to like was YN and me. But I’d be dammed if she got on him. “Yes, but you need to stay out of the pen, Cowgirl. You can help me when he’s tied to the fence. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek and took off.

I relived that kiss in my head the entire night and in the shower the next morning.

I was in the yard a couple of weeks later, trying to work with Torch. “C’mon boy, work with me here,” I gritted out. The horse neighed and I looked to see YN and Ransom watching. “C’mon Torch, let’s show our girl what we can do.” I manage to get the saddle on him and climbed on. “Ok, Torch, let’s walk.” I walked around the yard a couple of times. Then I got him into a canter.

“Looking good, Cowboy!” I smiled over my shoulder to YN but frowned when Ransom wrapped his arm around her waist. I kept working, trying to keep the jealousy off my face. He has his hands on my girl. I unfocus for just a second and Torch bucks. I get unseated and hit the ground, knocking the wind out of me. “Johnny!”

I hear it far away as I try to unblur my vision and get oxygen back in me. I turn over as I see YN climb the fence, her hat being blown off and Torch is headed right for her. I suck in a breath.

“YN! No!” I scramble and leap for the reigns. I catch them by the tips of my fingers and pull Torch away from her. I hang on as he pulls until one of the other ranch hands grabs the leather and I can let go. I lay on the ground, breathing hard, trying to get the image of YN’s face of terror out of my eyes.

“Johnny!” She skids to a stop next to me, kneeling over. “Are you ok?”

I shake my head as I keep trying to breathe. “YN, you can’t just jump in the ring. Cowgirl, I was terrified you were going to get hurt.”

“I don’t care.” She cups my cheek. “I was so scared you hit your head.”

“YN!” I hear Ransom bark at her. “You’re getting dirty and we have to meet my parents! Get off the dirt and go change!”

I got up and dusted myself off. I helped YN off the dirty and squeezed her hand. “I’m fine YN. I’ll be bruised but ok.” I pick up her hat and dust it off. I put it back on her head. “Thank you for checking on me.”

“Anytime Cowboy.” I open the gate for her to get her out and close it. Ransom takes YN’s hand and pulls her to the house, yelling about how she was going to make them late. I shake my head, knowing I can’t really do anything if I want to keep my job.

Somehow, Mrs. YLN finds out about the incident and comes out to check on me. “Johnny Storm, front and center!” I hear her call out. I smile because Mrs. YLN is the sweetest and loves all the guys on the ranch, but she has a particular sweet stop for me. I walk up to her, and she can see the bruise on my arm, but I guess I have a cut on my face. “Johnny! Go to the house and wash your face. I’ll be right there and I have apple pie for you.”

“Yes ma’am.” I walked over to the house and went upstairs to the guest bathroom. It’s where she kept the first aid. As I was washing, I heard loud voices coming from down the hall. I walked slowly and saw YN and Ransom arguing through the crack of her door.

“I don’t know why you still hang out with that horse smelling farm hand?!” Ransom yelled.

“He is a rancher and he’s my best friends. Johnny is a good guy.”

“He’s some poor asshole…”

“Stop it Ransom! He is my friend and you need to respect our friendship!”

He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her next to him. “He wants what’s mine,” he growled at her. She turned away and gripped her chin to keep her eyes on him. “You’re going to tell him to leave you alone.”

She sticks her chin up. “And if I don’t?”

“You will regret it.” He shoves her back and she hits her nightstand. I watch as her night light topples and breaks.

I storm into the room. “Hey!” I push Ransom out of the way to reach YN. “YN, are you alright?”

I can see the tears forming in her eyes. But they weren’t on me. They were on her lamp. “Johnny…” her voice quivers. She looks at me as one solitary tear fall from her eye. I can feel the rage building in me. I turn back to Ransom.

“You son of a bitch! You hurt her.” I shoved him and he stumbled towards the door.

“Fuck you asshole!” He took a swing at me but I managed to dodge it and get it a hit in his gut. It drops him, gasping for air.

I grab YN’s hand and pull her from the room. “C’mon YN!” I race down the stairs and out the back door. I run towards my bike and get the helmets. “Put this on, Cowgirl.”

“Johnny, you know my father will be pissed!”

“I don’t care. I can’t leave you with that monster.” I turn to look at her as she plays with the straps of the helmet. “Do you want to stay with him?” She shakes her head. “Do you want to be with me, Cowgirl?” She looks at me, a soft blush blooming on her cheeks. I tuck a lock of hair. “Tell me.”

“You’re my best friend.” The statement makes my heart sink and I drop my gaze. “But I’ve always wanted a chance with you.” I snap back up and she smiles. She leans in and kisses me. Not like the first time, where it started soft and sweet. This one urgent, lustful. I cup the back of her head to pin her to me. I lick the seam of her lips, asking her to let me in. She let me deepen the kiss and I was in heaven.

When I heard yells coming from the house, I broke it and turned my head. “Baby, we have to go.” I shoved my helmet on and then helped YN, jumped on the bike, helped her up and gunned it out of the yard.

I made it out to the lake and the boathouse on the other side of the county. YN’s family think she would go to my place or my family’s but I’m not an idiot. I pull into the yard and stopped, taking my first deep breath since she kissed me. I held out my hand to help YN off the bike. She stood, watching down the dirt road. “Are we safe here Cowboy?”

“We should be, Cowgirl. C’mon.” I opened the big dock door to hide my bike and walked us in. It was dusty and dark, but it was a safe place. I had my lighter and was able to light a couple of candles to see where we were going. But not soon enough as I walked into a giant cobweb. “Fuck! Shit!” I yelled as I batted away the sticky strings.

YN giggles as she watches before she screeches and runs towards me. “Johnny!”

“Baby, what…”

“I think I felt a snake!”

I tried to hold my laugh. “Baby, there are no snakes by the water.” I finally found the light switch and the room was illuminated with a soft golden glow. I went to where she stood before and then let out a laugh. “Was this your great snake?” I held up an old fishing rod with a feather lure at the end.

“Shut up Johnny, it scared me!” She crossed her arms and pouted at me.

I came up to her and caressed her face. “My beautiful girl. I’m sorry.” I kiss her forehead. “Want to sit on the dock?” She nodded and I took her hand.

The sun was setting across the water. YN sat at the edge of the dock and let her legs dangle over the water. I sat right behind her and wrapped her in my arms. We were quiet for a while, listening to the crickets and cicadas harmonize in the twilight. I kissed her cheek and then down to her neck and she leaned to give me access. “Do you know how long I wanted to hold you and kiss you like this?” I whispered to her.

“Not as long as I have.” She turned to me and smiled. “I wish I had the courage to spend more time with you when I was 15.”

“Sweetheart, your father forbade all of us to try and be with his daughter. I was a scared 18-year-old and not in the right place to give you what you deserved.” I kissed her nose before I kissed her properly. We went back to watching the sky turn from blue to yellow to orange to pink and then purple. “Why were you dating that guy? What did he have?”

“I don’t know. Daddy introduced us and he took an interest.” She looks down at the water. “It was the day after I saw you in town with Sharon Carter. I thought,” she shook her head, “I thought that you really didn’t like me and then I just wanted to move on.”

I know what day she is talking about. It was the day Susie had set me up on a blind date. We met for a coffee in town, but Sharon told me from the beginning that she had feelings for someone else. We chatted about her horse, and she asked I could come train him. I explained this to YN. “I declined because I had just started working on Torch.” I caressed her cheek. “I didn’t want to take away my time from you.”

She looked up at me, her beautiful eyes studying me. I could get lost in them. She turned and straddled my lap, her sundress riding up. Fuck, why had she already changed before her confrontation with Ransom. Did that dick get to see her naked? I shook the thoughts from my mind as I gripped her hips as she settled into my lap, making sure that she doesn’t tip back into the lake. Her arms are looped around my neck. She doesn’t say anything, not a single word or noise. She just keeps those eyes on me, staring at me like a painting. Finally, she leans down and kisses me. I follow her lead, just like I would follow her anywhere if she asked me. Her fingers tangle into my hair as my hands splayed across her back and neck.

I can feel her warmth right over my cock. I can feel myself growing harder under her as she begins to move over me. She’s grinding that pussy into me and I know I will lose it if I don’t stop it. I try to still her but she keeps moving. She lets go of my mouth to start kissing my neck and working the buttons of my shirt. “Baby, baby, stop,” I finally say. She pulls back, a look of hurt crossing her face. “No, baby, I just don’t want to do this here. I don’t want anyone to see you in pleasure besides me.” I grip under her ass as I move to lift her in my arms and carry her to the bedroom in the boathouse.

You would think the room would be dusty and dirty, but it wasn’t. I had been hiding out here on and off for the last few years. My father wasn’t a good man and I didn’t stick around when he started drinking. My mom had left a few years before and Suzy lived with Reed so I was on my own. But I made the best of it. The bed had a clean quilt and everything was dusted and swept. I even cleaned the bathroom.

I laid my girl on the bed, slotting my hips in between her legs. I kissed her hard, fuck, I wanted her so bad. But I didn’t want her to think that this was all I wanted. I slowed our kisses. “Johnny?”

“I don’t want you to think that I just want this, Cowgirl. I’m in love with your fire, your spirit, your compassion, well, just you. Everything you.” I swallowed. “If you don’t want to do this, I understand, and we’ll wait.” I looked away for just a second before she used a finger to push me back into her eyesight.

“Johnny Storm, I have been waiting for you for three years.”

My eyes widen. “Are you...” She nods and looks away. I pull her gaze back. “Baby, are you sure?”

“You belong to me Johnny, just like I belong to you.”

I swallow. “We’ll go slow, ok? If I hurt you, just let me know and we’ll stop.” She nods and kisses me. I pull back. “I need your words, YN.”

“I trust you Johnny.”

I got up to my knees, still in between her legs and I started to unbutton my shirt. She watched me with big eyes, still unsure but never letting go. When I pulled it off, a soft gasp came from her mouth. That made me smirk. I pulled her up to me, sitting her. I tugged at the bottom of her pretty little sundress and pulled it over her head. I groaned at the site of her in just pink lace. I guided her back down to the bed and started to kiss every inch of skin I could find.

YN sighed. I slid the pink strap of her bra down her shoulders and arms, kissing her skin as I went. I kissed the tops of her breasts and then pulled a cup down to take the peaked nipple in my mouth. I nibbled and sucked as YN arched her back at the sensation. “Johnny,” she moaned. Fuck, listening to my name come from her lips almost sent me over the edge. I moved to the other one while a pinched and twisted the first. I released her and then unclipped the offending fabric.

I kept moving down, skimming her skin with my fingertips and my lips as she squirmed underneath me. I got to her lace pants and kissed her covered mound, inhaling her scent. “Dammit baby, you smell like heaven. Can I taste you?”

She was silent and I lifted my head to see tears. “Baby?”

“I’m scared. What if you don’t like me?” The sound of her uncertainty, her fear, broke my heart.

“Oh, sweetheart.” I went back to hover over her. “I know that you will be the best taste I’ve ever had. The best partner I could ever ask for.” I let my hands wander as caress over the hem of her panties. “I promise, I’ll make you feel good.”

She peered up at me and smiled. “Ok.”

Such a simple little word can bring the heat in my veins. I kiss her softly again as I slide my hand into her panties. I swallow her cry as tease her slit. “So wet, Cowgirl. For me?”

She nods. “Is that a good thing?”

“That’s an amazing thing.” I dip into her tight hole. “Oh fuck, you’re so tight.” She rolls her hips in time to the thrust of my hand, seeking my touch. “You like that YN?” She nods again as she lets go of another low moan. My cock is straining behind my Wranglers, desperate to get out and play with the woman underneath me. I stroke one more time and then bring my finger to my mouth. She jaw drops at suck her cream from my finger. “I knew you would taste good.”

I don’t give her the chance this time. I pull down her panties off her legs and stuff them in my pocket. “Johnny...” she started but soon she moaned as I licked my way up her slit. I kissed, sucked and teased her clit, finger fucked her until she was withering under me. “Give it to me Cowgirl. Let go.”

“I can’t,” she cried, “Johnny, I...”

“Its ok, let go for me, my love.”

She cried as her orgasm took over, her body shook and her pussy strangled my fingers. I kept it gentle, knowing that this was the first one but certainly not the last. I could she her coming down so I gently pulled my fingers away. I licked my finger clean and then undid my jeans. “Are you ready for me Cowgirl?” I pulled my jeans and boxers off and fished a condom from my wallet.

Her eyes were big. “Cowboy, that is not going to fit.”

I gave her a sexy smirk. “We’ll make it fit.” I rolled it on and then slowly climbed back on top of her. I slotted my hips between her legs and kissed her hard and deep. My cock seeks out the warmth of her pussy and notched at her entrance. “Ready?”

“Yes. Please be gentle,” she whispered.

“Always, Cowgirl.” I pushed in softly, groaning at how hot and tight she is. “Oh fuck, baby.” Her nails dug into my back but I didn’t focus on the pain. I pushed until I felt resistance. “I’m sorry baby but this will hurt. I promise it’ll feel good after.” I thrusted hard and she screamed. I held her too me as she thrashed her head, sobbing. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry love.”

“Johnny!” She cried. It took a few minutes, but she calmed, and I move slightly. She moaned at the feel of my cock in her. “I feel so full,” she moaned.

“That’s good, love. I’m going to move, ok?” She nodded and I withdrew gently, seeing her wince. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No, no, I just,” she swallowed. “It's so much.”

“I know. Just let your body feel.” I withdrew until the head of my cock was the only piece in her and thrusted back in gently. Her head tossed back with a moan. I did that a few more time until I heard her say, “more.” I sped up my movements, pulling her leg over my hip to open her up a bit more.

“Oh fuck, Cowboy, right there. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.” She buried her head in my neck as I pumped into her.

“I won’t stop until you give me another Cowgirl.” I moved my hand and used my finger to circle her clit. She cried out more and I circled a little faster. I started to feel the sensation in my spine and I knew I was close. “Fuck, tell me you’re close, Cowgirl.”

“So close,” she moaned. I moved faster. My hips slamming into her, my finger pressing her little button of pleasure faster and harder. Her cry changed and I started to recognize it.

“Come for me,” I ordered. That’s all it took as she detonated around me, squeezing me, milking me, triggering my own release into her. I slowed, both breathing hard. “Are you ok?” I was scared I hurt her with how hard I had been fucking her.

“I’m great,” she said with a smile. “I get it now, what all my romance books talked about. It does feel like the best ride.”

I laughed with her. I pulled out gently, knowing it would hurt. She winced but cupped my cheek to let me know she was ok. There was a little blood on the condom and blanket but I didn’t make her feel bad. I got another blanket to cover her while I took the other one away. I threw away the condom and took a washcloth to her. She jumped when I touched her, but I knew it was just because of how sensitive she had become. I climbed back into bed with her and hauled her into my arms. She rested her head on my chest. “Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, Cowgirl. Get some rest.” I kissed her head and smoothed down her hair. I fell asleep to her rhythmic breaths against me.

I was sleeping with an angel in heaven.

Muted sunlight filters in as I lay on my back, stroking my girl’s hair as she sleeps in the early morning. I think about the last three years, pining after the girl in my arms. She wasn’t ready for me then. But now that I have her, I’ll never let her go.

She starts to stir and wake. She stretches a little before looking up at me. “Hi.”

“Hi Cowgirl. How are you feeling?”

She smiles softly. “A little sore. But happy.” I lean to kiss her. Her eyes flutter as they open again. “Good morning, Cowboy.”

“This is the best way to start the day, my beautiful Cowgirl.” I kiss her again when I hear a beep from somewhere. I reach down for my jeans and fish my phone from the pocket. There was a text message from her father

Mr. YLN: Please bring my daughter home.

I sighed and looked at my girl. “It’s time sweetheart.”

She frowned but nodded. As we dressed, I gave YN a pair of my boxer briefs to wear since I tore her panties. It gave me a boost knowing she was wearing my underwear under her dress. I cleaned up, feeling like I would be back living here soon since I would probably lose my job. But I had a feeling, I would still have YN.

The ride back was quiet. I didn’t know what we would be walking into. Would her father try and kill me because I took his daughter and took her innocence? Would he press charges? I knew I would be facing something I just didn’t know what.

We pulled into the driveway and went right up to the house. I helped YN off and took her helmet. “You know I love you right?”

She nodded but her face was nervous. “I know. I love you too. We do this together?” I took her hand.

“Together.”

We walked up the steps to her house. I knocked and the door immediately opened. Her mother answered. “YN. Johnny.” She looked down at our joined hands and smiled. She waved us into the living room where Mr. YLN and Random were waiting for us.

“Mr. YLN. Mr. Drysdale.” I hated that I had to greet that fucker. I remembered yesterday and how he had pushed my girl. I remember seeing the bruise on her side. I had kissed the pain away when I worshipped her body but I would never forgive him for marking her.

“Johnny, YN, I’m happy you came back.” He looked at our hands and then back at his daughter. “What were you thinking YN? You ran away from our home with our ranch hand without explanation. Your mother and I have been worried sick. If I hadn’t checked the cameras…”

YN gripped my hand tighter and then interrupted her father. “I ran away because I didn’t feel safe in my own home.”

The look of disbelief crossed her father's face. “What? What is that supposed to mean?”

“You didn’t look in her room, did you?” I asked.

“No. Ransom was in the living room and said you ran away with the farm boy after you had assaulted him.”

I scoffed. “That’s rich. We’re not on a farm jackass,” I directed to Ransom. “We are a ranch. But that’s beside the point. The reason for the assault was because I was protecting YN from him. He was yelling at her, making her cry and then he shoved her into her nightstand and broke her horse lamp.”

My words had the power to stop time. Ransom’s face turned red from rage as her father's face blanched. I could see what he was thinking. The man she introduced to his daughter was a monster.

“You have no proof, farm boy!”

“I’ve seen the bruises you asshole. I held her as she cried for the last reminder of her best friend that she had because you broke it.”

Action was swift. Mr. YLN grabbed Ransom around the collar. “You put your hands on my daughter?!” Ransom gapped like a fish. “You thought you could lie to me. I know your grandfather and believe you me that he will hear about this. Get out of my house and off my property you worthless piece of shit.” Mr. YLN cocked his arm back and punched Ransom square in the jaw. He fell in a pile to the floor and grabbed his face.

I helped him up and threw him out the door. “You fucked with the wrong girl Drysdale.”

“She was mine!” He yelled back. “I will end you!”

“Guess what? She was never yours. She was always mine. She belongs to me, and I belong to her. And you can just fuck off.”

I went back inside and faced her father. “She’s yours?”

“Sir, I have been in love with your daughter since the day I met her. I just wanted to wait until she knew that I was hers. I love her, sir, with everything I have.”

There is nothing like riding a horse. The freedom, the raw power, there is nothing like it. Especially when you girl is holding onto you as you ride the horse you trained together.

It was nearing dusk, the sky changing to it’s beautiful pinks and reds and purples. I had ridden out to the lake on the opposite side of the boathouse. When I got to the water’s edge I stopped and helped YN down before I got down. It had been six months since the confrontation with Ransom. And they had been the happiest six months of my life. We walked along the edge, listening to the sounds of the coming eve, Torch neighing. I was nervous.

“Baby, why are you trembling?” My Cowgirl stopped me and had a look of concern in her eyes.

“Sorry, I just…” I cleared my throat. “I just have something to ask you. Do you love me?”

“More every day.”

“Do I make you happy?”

“I’m the happiest girl in the world.”

“Ok good. Because I’ve never been so happy YN and that’s all because of you. And I never want to let go of that happiness. So…” I pulled the box from my pocket and knelt to one knee. “My Cowgirl, will you marry me?”

I opened the box to show off a modest pear-shaped diamond on a gold band. It had been all I could afford but her father said I could upgrade later since I’d be the ranch manager soon.

“Johnny,” she gasped. “Yes, she whispered, Cowboy, yes!”

I put that ring on her finger and lifted her into my arms.

After all this time, she saw that I was the one who understood her, who got her, who loved her.

She belonged to me.

I belonged to her.

Forever.

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#andy's shenanigans #andy's hea #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans au #chris evans fic #chris evans smut #Johnny storm #Johnny storm au #ranch hand Johnny storm #johnny storm x reader #Johnny storm x you #Johnny storm smut #torch the horse #Johnny storm fic

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avoxrising · 1 year ago

Text

The Feral One • Chapter 3

Finnick x Reader

Series Masterlist Link

I wrote this on my lunch break to squeeze another chapter out for y’all! Enjoy :)

Content Warnings - panic attacks/breakdowns

When the parade is about to start, the peacekeepers march you over to your chariot. They go to lift you onto it but you shriek, causing them to back up and aim their guns at you.

“Woah there,” Finnick states, slowly stepping between you and them. “What have I told you guys about touching her?”

“The tribute needs to be in the chariot,” one of the peacekeepers says.

“Can you uncuff her so she can pull herself up?” Finnick asks.

“No,” the peacekeeper grunts. By this point you are curled into a ball, doing your best to take deep breaths. Tears threaten to spill over and ruin your makeup.

“Hey hey hey,” Finnick says in a calm voice, crouching down to you. “I need to lift you into the chariot. It will be quick.”

You give him a slight nod as you stand up. He gets into the chariot, ensuring you can clearly see his hands the entire time. He’s probably flashed his prep team with all his moving but there’s not much he can do about it with the lack of clothes he’s wearing.

Tensing up, you let him gently lift you into the chariot. He’s careful not to touch you more than necessary. Despite basically living at your place, he always gives you plenty of personal space. However, sometimes you find yourself wishing he would stand the tiniest bit closer to you. He is your safe person, until your brain convinces you that he isn’t.

You nearly fall off the chariot as the horses lurch forward. Finnick grabs your arm to keep you upright and you go to punch him with your cuffed hands, only to remember that it’s just Finnick. You don’t want to hurt him.

“I’m sorry but you’re too pretty to be falling out of a chariot,” he whispers. You nod and do your best to wipe your tears with your hands.

The crowd booms as you enter their view with Finnick. Declarations of love for him are screamed while people shout vile words at you. Roses are thrown his direction, while you get hit with some small rocks and other hard objects. Finnick does his best to shield you but it’s no use.

You can feel him tense as the urge to protect you flairs up, but he can’t; not in front of sponsors. It’s bad enough that he’ll lose most of the sponsors once he allies with you in the arena. You both talked prior and reluctantly agreed that the best move was for him not to be overprotective in front of sponsors.

Another rock is thrown your way, this time hitting your cheek near your scar. That’s your breaking point. You can feel the heat rush to your head as your nails dig into the chariot. Finnick is panicking at this point. There’s no calming you down and you aren’t even halfway through the parade. If you make it back to the stables, he’ll have to sedate you.

You don’t remember the rest of the parade, or nearly attacking Linessa, or Finnick sedating you. What you do remember is the conversation you overhear between Gloss and Katniss as Finnick carries you to the elevator.

“So girl on fire,” Gloss says. “Though of any allies yet? Or are you and lover boy going to try to kill us alone?”

Katniss doesn’t reply but something must have tipped Gloss off to her potential allies.

“Those two?” he laughs. “Fishy and Feral? You’re dumber than I thought. Those two are sadists. They love killing people slowly, and watching the life drain from them. You’d be dead within two hours. Who knows, she might even eat you if she’s hungry. There wouldn’t even be a body left to bring back to your family.”

Finnick tenses up, having overheard their conversation as well. He carries you to the elevator and you fully pass out.

He’s sitting in your room when you wake up. His arms are covered in scratches and he looks exhausted.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “I didn’t mean to.”

He shakes his head and walks over towards your bed.

“It’s ok,” he sighs. “Everyone is fine.”

“Is Mags fine?” you ask in a panic. “He, he said…”

“What did he say?” Finnick tenses.

“If I do anything crazy he’ll kill her, and you,” you sob. “I’m sorry. I can’t control myself.”

Finnick let’s out a long sigh and rubs his temples.

“Everyone is fine,” he states. “You didn’t break down until we were back in the stables. Barely anyone saw.”

“I don’t think I should go to training,” you state. “I’m not in control.”

“The peacekeepers informed me earlier that you aren’t allowed out of your room, for training or for the interviews. They’ve allowed me in here on the condition that I carry sedative on me in case you need it,” he explains.

“Mags?” you ask and he shakes his head. She isn’t allowed to visit. Finnick goes to get more ice for your bruises and you do your best to enjoy the remaining bit of sanity you have left.

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#hunger games #finnick odair #hunger games fic #the hunger games #finnick odair x reader #finnick imagine #finnick x reader #finnick x you #finnick odair angst #finnick fluff #the feral one

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justagalwhowrites · 5 months ago

Text

Yearling - Ch. 39: Returning

Your family comes back to Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-38 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut. Aftermath of canon-typical violence, including graphic depiction of injury. Mention of past sexual assault, not described. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 10k

A/N: We are through the spoiler-y portion now and you're all OK to read from here if you just want to see how the fic starts to come to a close. There is no more overlap with TLOU 2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next chapter

May, 2017

“Mama!”

Savvy’s voice was shrill, panicked. That scared you more than getting thrown off a horse had and your head shot up to make sure nothing had happened to her in the few seconds you’d been flying through the air and getting your bearings after hitting the ground with a thud.

But your daughter was fine, just watching you from her place on the other side of the fence posts as you worked to break the feral horse you’d taken just a few weeks earlier. She was at the hardest stage now, the part where you had to be on her back but she didn’t want you there. She was used to a saddle, used to pressure guiding her. She was even used to you. She just wasn’t used to giving up the last wild parts of her, even though you were offering her a life that was better for her, one with care and shelter and protection from what would kill her in the wild.

“Are you OK?” Savvy asked, her eyes wide. You should have anticipated this. She’d never seen you get thrown off a horse before, of course it would scare her. She looked like she was about to climb the fence to come check on you, her little hands bracing on the wood post.

“I’m alright, baby girl,” you said quickly, holding your palm out to stop her. “You stay right there, OK?”

She nodded but frowned, her little eyebrows drawing together as she watched you get back to your feet, the book you’d told her to read so you could keep an eye on her while you worked discarded in the dirt.

You groaned a little as you shook the tension from your limbs, cracking your neck as you did before going for the horse again.

“Mama!” Savvy yelled again, stopping you in your tracks. You looked back at her, frowning. “Mama, no! You’re going to get hurt, you can’t go on her again, she’s scary and…”

“Oh, baby,” you said, going and kneeling in front of her, brushing her curls back from her small face. “I have to.”

She frowned.

“Why?”

You smiled at her, at the concern in her warm, brown eyes.

“Because, when you get thrown - when something gets hard - you don’t give up,” you said. “When you give up, you lose so much that you’ve already worked so hard for. It can be hard and it can be scary, but if I gave up on her now, I’m letting her down, too. When you get thrown, you have to get back up. Even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, you get back on the horse. If you get back on the horse, it’ll be OK. Understand?”

She watched you for a moment before giving you a firm nod. You smiled and kissed her forehead before steeling yourself and getting back on the horse.

May, 2028

The way you rode with Joel wasn’t comfortable but you didn’t care. You needed to be close to him.

You sat side saddle, more on his lap than anything else, precariously balanced and nestled in his arms but it was where you had to be. You pressed your face into his neck and breathed him in and even though he smelled mostly of sweat and horse it was a comfort. You closed your eyes and tried not to listen to anything, just the sound of his breathing.

He didn’t say much, only occasionally pressing his face into your head and kissing you there and whispering you’re OK, I’ve got you every few minutes. You weren’t sure if it was for him or for you.

You weren’t sure how long you’d been riding but it had been dark for what seemed like a long time when you stopped for the night.

“C’mon Bambi,” Tommy said gently as he helped you down. His touch still made you flinch. “It’s OK. Just me, not going to hurt you.”

He half caught you as you more fell off the horse than dismounted and you realized just how uncomfortable your position had been as your body realigned. It just didn’t hurt as much as so many parts of you so it didn’t bother you as you rode. Joel’s hands were on you again almost immediately, pulling you against him.

“Careful,” Joel said, guiding you to a large tree to sit in the cradle of its roots. He lowered you gently to the ground before he knelt in front of you, carefully pulling your shirt back enough to see the knife wound from Mitchum’s guard on your arm. He spent a few minutes carefully patching you up, cleaning the cut and bandaging it. You kept your injured hand tight against yourself, like you could somehow hide from Joel just how broken you were.

When he was done, he brushed your hair back before cupping your cheek, his gaze deep and almost sad.

“I’m gonna go help Tommy set the perimeter…”

Your eyes went wide at that, the thought of him being where you couldn’t see or feel him sending a thrill of panic up your spine.

“Just for a few minutes,” he said, voice soothing and gentle. “Girls will be with you the whole time. You’re OK, sweetheart. I’ve got you.”

You nodded and he pressed his lips to your forehead, lingering there before he pulled away from you. You closed your eyes and pressed yourself back against the tree, needing to have something at your back so you knew nothing could come and take you when you couldn’t see them coming.

“Mom?” Savvy said quietly. You opened your eyes and found her standing beside you in the dark. “Can I… is it OK if I sit with you?”

“Of course,” you said, your voice sounding and feeling oddly foreign to you, and you watched as she slowly, cautiously lowered herself down beside you. You kept your left hand clutched to your chest but held your right arm out and she gingerly fit herself against you there, nuzzling into your shoulder. You kissed the crown of her head, her curls tickling your nose and you gave her a squeeze before trailing your fingers gently through her hair.

“Are you OK?” You asked quietly. She nodded but took a deep, shuddering breath. You relished that for a moment, that you could feel that she was alive an that she wanted to be close to you. “You can talk to me, it’s OK.”

“I was so afraid,” she said, her voice wet. “I thought I’d never see you again and I never had the chance… You never told me about them and what… what they did.”

“I know,” you said, continuing to hold her.

“Why?” She asked. “I was so mad at you but it wasn’t your fault and you could have just told me and I would have understood, I would have known and I wouldn’t have been so… so…”

Her voice trailed off and you pressed your lips to the crown of her head again, breathing in the smell of her, trying to put words to it.

“You’re my baby,” you said eventually. “I want to protect you from everything. That’s my job, it’s the most important job I’ve ever had. I didn’t protect you then…”

“Mom,” she said, sitting up from you a little to look you in the eye in the moonlight, like she was getting ready to fight you on it.

“I didn’t,” you said. “I wish I could have but I wasn’t able to for a very long time. Keeping you from knowing about that stuff… I could protect you that way. I didn’t want that in your head. I still don’t.”

She watched you for a moment before she deflated before you.

“I know you tried,” she said weakly. “I remember, the night they came… I heard the gunshots, I know you tried. I was so afraid then, too. I thought they killed you, I thought…”

“I know,” you said softly. “And I’m sorry.”

“I’m really sorry,” she said, tucking herself against you again. You could feel her tears dampening the cotton of your shirt. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you, I’m so mad at myself now because I… I was just so angry because I didn’t understand and…”

“It’s OK,” you soothed her. “Don’t be mad at yourself baby girl, please don’t. You went through so much, you survived so much all on your own that you never should have gone through. Of course you were mad, it’s right to be angry when something hurts you like that…”

“But you didn’t hurt me,” she said, holding you tighter. “You didn’t just leave me. And I should have known that you would never have done that. I should never have been angry with you.”

“It’s OK,” you said again. “We’ve found each other now, that’s all that matters, right?”

“Yeah,” she nodded into you. “I love you, Mom.”

You held her a little closer.

“I love you, too,” you whispered. “So, so much.”

After a few minutes, Ellie joined you, too. She didn’t seem to want to talk, something you were thankful for because you weren’t sure how well you’d hold it together. The conversation with Savvy had taken so much out of you. You needed to take care of them both, look out for them, help them through their pain and their fear but you barely had it in you to do it. It was like everything inside yourself was dedicated to keeping yourself alive and in one piece - as much as you could since they’d already cut pieces of you away. You didn’t have anything left in you to do anything else.

Instead of asking for your words, Ellie sat silently on your left side and you cautiously, hesitantly, put your arm around her, your injured hand coming to rest against her. She put her head on your shoulder and you kissed her there before resting your cheek against her and closing your eyes. You tried to focus on the two of them, that you could feel that they were alive and that they were safe, knowing it with real certainty for the first time since Kyle had shown up at your door what felt like an eternity ago.

When the men got back, Tommy volunteered to keep watch all night and Joel tried to protest but Tommy silenced him quickly.

“You ain’t slept in days,” he said sharply. “Stay with your wife. I’ve got it.”

You frowned as Joel set out his sleeping bag and helped you into it before joining you there, set a little away from where Ellie and Savvy were so there was a semblance of privacy.

“You’re alright,” Joel said, so softly you weren’t sure that he’d even intended the words for you. “I’ve got you.”

“You haven’t slept?” You asked quietly. You kept your injured hand between your bodies, tight against your chest while Joel’s arms were around you, the one below you tucked under your head so you could use him as a pillow, the other cradling your body against his.

“Couldn’t,” he said, his lips brushing your forehead. “Not without you.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, tears pinching tight in your throat. You hated that this had hurt him, too.

“No,” he whispered. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault, sweetheart. You saved them, I would have done the same thing.”

He held you so close and you felt him breathe, felt the subtle rattle inside of him and you knew he was crying. You wished you had it in you to soothe him and take care of him the way he was taking care of you but you couldn’t take any other pain into yourself. Instead, you cried, too, until you fell asleep in your husband’s arms.

The next morning, you jerked awake, heart racing but you couldn’t remember why. It took you a moment to realize where you were, that you were safe and that Savvy and Ellie were safe, too. Your whole body was tense, a bowstring drawn too tight and ready to snap.

“You’re OK,” Joel’s hand was tracing a delicate path over your spine and your face was buried in his throat. His voice was so quiet, the coo of a morning dove trees away was louder. “Never let anyone hurt you again, you’re safe.”

You took a deep, shaky breath and he kissed the crown of your head and just held you until you felt like you could move.

When Tommy and the girls took the horses to a nearby stream to drink and to fill up canteens before leaving camp, it left you and Joel alone - truly alone - for the first time. You were nestled into his chest as he leaned back against a tree, both of his hands on you, always touching you.

“You can talk to me,” he said. “Don’t want you feeling like you need to protect me from any of it. I’m here for you, sweetheart. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” You swallowed hard but nodded into him. “Can I ask you for something?”

You frowned but you didn’t stop him. He took a deep breath.

“Can I see your hand?” He asked. You froze against him, not even breathing. He gave you a little squeeze. “I just want to see if it’s healing, baby.”

You held it a little tighter to yourself.

“You know?” You asked quietly. There was something that felt so wrong about Joel knowing that another man had cut part of you away for himself.

He gave you another small squeeze.

“Made Cody pay for it,” he said. “Made ‘em pay for fuckin’ all of it.”

You took a deep breath and sat back from him, just enough to unwind the makeshift bandage from around your hand. When it was just loose fabric over your wound, you took a shaky breath and looked at Joel. He was watching you closely, one hand gently cupping your elbow, his thumb rubbing reassuring circles over you there. You could tell he was trying to keep from showing much emotion, his face flat, but the way he was looking at you still told you everything. He was hurting, so much pain behind his eyes that it was hard not to drown in it. You tried not to think about how afraid he must have been, coming back to Jackson and finding his entire family gone from the one place left on Earth that was supposed to be safe. He’d reached you but you had to carry this with you now, for the rest of your life. Evidence of just how cruel this world was right on your hand, a constant reminder of what was waiting just outside the walls.

“It’s OK,” he said gently and you took a deep breath before pulling the fabric back from your hand. You watched Joel’s face as you did, watched him fight to not flinch at the mangled flesh that was your hand. He took your palm gingerly in his large hands and you finally looked down at your remaining fingers, watching as Joel carefully examined you. He brushed his thumb on your palm below where the pieces of you had been cut away.

“They burned it,” you said after a moment. “Stopped the bleeding.”

“It’ll be OK,” he nodded and you fought to swallow around the knot that had tightened in your throat.

“He took my wedding ring,” you said softly, feeling the tear you’d been struggling to hold back slip down your cheek anyway.

“No,” Joel shook his head, setting your hand gently on your leg, palm up before reaching into his pocket. He pulled your ring out, still dark sticky with blood but it was yours. “I took it back. Don’t need to decide what you want to do with it now but I have it, I’ll keep it safe for you. He didn’t get to take that.”

You looked at it for a moment, nodding slowly.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Joel tied your bandage around your hand again, finishing just as the other three returned with the horses and the water.

You rode with Joel again, not feeling entirely conscious or even inside your body as you did. You still kept your left hand held close to your chest. Sometimes, you were keenly aware of the movement of the horse below you. Sometimes, you heard birds singing and frogs croaking and Ellie whispering to Savvy. Sometimes, you didn’t feel or see or hear or smell anything at all, just floating in space and time where nothing could take anything more from you.

It was during one of those times where you were existing with nothing at all that you made it back to Jackson, Joel gently pulling you back to the present by pressing a kiss to your temple and talking low and gentle in your ear.

The walls of the town were on the horizon and you stiffened. Even with damn near half the town back at Mitchum’s camp after the fight, you knew there would be people, people who would see you like this and know what had been done to you.

“Just gonna get you to the doctor,” he said, sensing your discomfort. “Then we’ll get you home. It’s OK.”

“Can we just go home, Joel?” You asked, burying your face in his neck. You knew you should be stronger than this. You knew you didn’t have anywhere inside yourself to find that strength. “Please, just take me home, I want to go home.”

He held you a little tighter, the gates casting a shadow as they opened.

“OK sweetheart,” he said. “I’ll take you home.”

Joel guided the horse to your house, Tommy following close behind. You could feel eyes on you but you didn’t look up from your place tucked against Joel’s skin. Your brother in law helped you off the horse and helped you stay upright until your husband could tuck you against his side and return you to the place you felt safe.

One Week Later

You rarely left your bedroom.

After Carol came by the house and examined you and Joel gently bathed you, washing you clean of everything that had happened, you’d only really left your room to use the bathroom. The curtains were drawn, the air was stale, you were coated in a layer of old sweat and you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

At first, Joel rarely left your side. It was two days before you were without him even for a minute. He even went with you to the bathroom, his hand on your back on the walk down the hall and hovering just outside the door before walking you back to bed again. You mostly just laid on his chest, feeling him breathe, waiting for something - anything - to pull you away. You felt it coming, some amorphous thing hanging on the edge of your consciousness. Nowhere was safe. Not even Jackson. This was proven now. Something would find you, something would take everything that mattered away. It was always coming, it had been for more than 20 years, grasping for you in the form of your infected boyfriend or the man who didn’t want to take a no or the unseen death of your daughter’s father or those who took and took and took until there was nothing left. How could you be expected to live like that? Fighting and scratching an existence for yourself only to have it ripped away again and again and again.

Staying in bed was safer. There was less to lose then.

The third day, Joel left for a little while. You weren’t entirely sure where, but you were only alone for a few minutes, Ellie and Savvy coming to sit with you. You just held onto them and hoped that, whatever eventually came for you would spare them instead of using them as they had been before.

Nothing did.

Other people came by after that, too. Just to the house, Joel stopped them in the living room, seeming to understand that you couldn’t bear being seen this way. You heard them, occasionally, from your place in the bed. Their voices would filter upstairs and so would Joel’s replies. Tommy and Maria wanted to see how everyone was doing. Olivia gave updates on the stables and asked after you. Warren came by to tell Joel the final tally of the fight with Mitchum and how so much of the trouble that had cropped up for patrols over the last few years could be blamed on his fight for power. Even Julie visited, carrying a basket of snacks with her. Joel tried to get you to eat some. You managed a few berries before curling up again.

You knew this had to be wearing on Joel. He weathered you waking up in a panic and fighting him before you remembered where you were and who you were with. He didn’t pressure you to leave the bedroom, instead bringing food and water and tea to you. He tried to get you to read but you weren’t interested so he read to you, instead. You didn’t process much of what he said but the sound of his voice was comforting and you would curl up against him as he read, drifting in and out of consciousness as he stroked your hair or ran his hand from your shoulder to your elbow and back again.

The only thing that told you it had been a week that you’d been back was Carol. She came in your room with a gentle smile and asked to take your bandages off to check how you were healing. You kept your good hand in Joel’s the entire time, squeezing him tight because anyone but him or the girls being that close to you made you want to crawl out of your skin.

“This is coming along well,” she said as she looked at your hand. “Really. You’ve come a long way in just a week. You will move past this and you will be OK.”

You weren’t sure you could say anything so you didn’t try and you heard her giving Joel some care instructions in the hall before she left. You stared at the wall.

“Hey,” Joel said when he came back in and sat on the edge of the bed. You curled your legs into your chest and watched him. He reached out and ran one large palm over your head. “How about a shower? Doc said should be easier now…”

You watched him for a moment, worry in his eyes. He’d been with you like this for a week now. That was a long time for someone like Joel who liked to be moving and feeling like he was accomplishing something. It was unnatural for him to be here, stagnant like this with you. You knew how this must be hurting him, how his life would be better without needing to deal with this.

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for what you knew you needed to say.

“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” you looped your arms around your knees and pulling them tighter to yourself. “You don’t have to stay with me like this.”

“Baby…”

“I can move back to my old house,” you said, ignoring the tightness in your throat and chest as you said it, like the thought of being away from him was going to strangle you dead. “I think it’s still empty, you don’t need…”

“No,” he cut you off, sharp and firm.

“I know this isn’t what you want…”

“The hell it’s not,” he snapped. He moved fully onto the bed, taking your face in his hands so firmly it almost hurt, his fingertips sinking into your skin. You took a deep, shaky breath and closed your eyes but he didn’t seem to be having that, either. “No, you look at me, goddammit, not letting you hide from this, you hear me?”

You forced your eyes open, trying not to grimace as you looked at your husband, the man you wanted to be next to forever but couldn’t bear to keep dragging down like this.

“You think I want you to leave?” He asked, brows raised so high they almost disappeared into his hair. “That I want you anywhere but next to me?”

“Joel…”

“I promised to love you and protect you,” he said. “You think that stops just because shit gets hard? You think I’m just going to let you go because somethin’ awful happened to you? I don’t care if I need to stay with you through this for another week or a year or a fuckin’ lifetime, I’m staying right fucking here. I love you, more than I ever thought I could love someone else and that don’t stop just because you need time!”

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore!” You almost yelled it. “Please, I don’t want to drag you down with me, I can’t let you get dragged down with me, the girls need you and…”

“They need you, too,” he cut you off. “And you’re not draggin’ me anywhere. You go, I go. That’s how this works, you and me. You hear me? Now, if… if you need to be away from me because of shit I’ve done -“

“No,” you shook your head as best you could in his grip but he continued on like you hadn’t spoken at all.

“-then we’ll figure that out but we’ll do that together, not with you leaving because you think it’s what’s best for me, you understand me? I love you. I’m sticking by you. That ain’t changing.”

You closed your eyes and Joel’s hold on you loosened, his hands moving from your face to your shoulders, his thumbs moving in soothing circles over your collarbone.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he said, the forcefulness gone now, just the quiet care left in his voice. “Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better.”

He guided you to the bathroom and undressed you delicately as the water warmed up. He took off his socks but left on his jeans and t-shirt as he got in the shower with you.

“Joel,” you whispered, your arms crossed over your chest as best you could.

“It’s you and me,” he said. “We’re figuring this out together.”

His hands moved over you slowly, firmly, cleaning your skin and your hair and working knots out of aching muscle. His clothes were dripping. He didn’t seem to notice.

Another week later

Joel had started going back to work.

You’d insisted on it. You couldn’t keep him cooped up with you like this forever, you couldn’t bear to watch him slowly lose himself no matter how much he pretended like it was OK.

He’d been reluctant, of course, and he wasn’t going on patrol or anything that took him away from the house for more than a few hours but you could tell that he was feeling better, now that he was pitching in around town again.

Joel told you about some of what he did when he got back. He fixed the roof on a family’s house one day and told you about how the four-year-old boy there had showed him all his Matchbox cars before he left. Another day, Joel worked with Tommy to start figuring out good ways to expand the school as it was getting cramped, planning to bring their ideas to the council to decide how to move forward. Another, he told you about going to help Olivia at the stables and how people said they missed you and sent their best.

The next day was when he came back with the kitten.

“Brought you somethin’,” he said as he e came into your bedroom with it wriggling in his hold - the creature so small and his hand so large that it just fit in his palm. He set it on the bed next to you and you just gaped at it.

“What…”

“Couldn’t just leave it,” he shrugged. “It’s too new to survive on its own but it was all by itself. Figured, anyone here knows animals, it’s you. Thought it could use a mother.”

He’d apparently left the city walls for a few hours that day to test someone new on shooting for patrol. That’s when they found the kitten, snarling and ferocious, all alone near the shooting range. It was a little thing, black and white and fluffy with a tail that stuck straight up. Joel had scooped it up and tucked it inside a saddle bag before bribing it with some milk and chicken back in town. That had mellowed it some, its affection apparently easily bought as it ambled around the bed, pouncing at unseen prey and climbing on your legs. You smiled a little, watching it.

“What are we supposed to do with a cat?” You asked, only glancing at Joel as you watched the kitten romp around.

“Weren’t you sayin’ you were worried about mice in the barn?” He said. “Figured he can pitch in around here as much as anyone else. Earn his keep.”

You laughed once, lightly, at that. The cat, paying rent in town with his presumed hunting skills.

“Think you can raise ‘em up alright?” Joel asked.

You reached out and ran a finger down his little back. He arched into your touch and you couldn’t help but smile a little.

“I think so,” you said, even though you weren’t really sure that was true.

But he did make you leave your room the next day.

The kitten - who you decided to name Orion in hopes he lived up to his namesake in hunting skills - wanted to explore and you wanted to let him. You got out of bed to let him out of your room but it felt wrong, letting him go out there without someone watching him. This place was big and new and dangerous for him. He needed help. You didn’t go far, only making to the living room, but it felt like a different world to you, too. You sat on the couch, tucked as far back into the corner as you could go so you could feel things around you. It was the only way to be secure, knowing what was there. You weren’t sure how long you’d been sitting there when you watched Joel come up the front walk, jogging up the steps and unlocking the front door. He nearly jumped when he saw you there, sitting on the couch with your arms around your legs, the cat patting at the bottom of the curtain at the window.

“Baby,” he said quickly, almost running for you before sitting next to you, tilting your face in his hand, examining you. “You alright? You hurt?”

You frowned at him, his eyes still ranging over you.

“I’m fine,” you said. “We just… wanted a change of scenery.”

He nodded slowly, watching you cautiously.

“And how we feelin’ about all that?”

You considered that for a moment.

“Alright, I think,” you said. “Better, with you here.”

His lips tugged up ever so slightly at the edges.

“Good,” he said. “That’s good.”

He put a movie on for the two of you and, for a bit, you felt almost normal with him there beside you, tucked against his side as you watched things play out on screen. You felt secure enough that you started to doze off there, somehow exhausted even though all you’d done that day was come downstairs and sit on a couch.

“C’mon sweetheart,” Joel said, giving you a squeeze as credits played. “Let’s get you upstairs.”

It was something like waking up then. There were things happening around you that you realized had been happening for a while, you just hadn’t fully noticed. Joel helped you get get settled but didn’t get undressed himself. Instead, he got his pajamas from where they were folded on a chair in the corner and went to the bathroom, changing there. You frowned as he got into bed next to you and you pressed yourself against him, breathing in the warm, comforting smell of him.

“Have you been doing that?” You asked quietly as he trailed his fingers up and down your spine.

“Doin’ what?” He asked. You could hear the frown on his voice.

“Getting ready for bed in another room,” you said. “I can’t remember from the last few days and…”

You trailed off and he was quiet for a moment before he answered.

“Yeah. Seemed… seemed smart.”

Your frown deepened.

“Why?”

He sighed heavily, holding you a little tighter.

“I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you or scare you,” he said slowly. “I dunno what they did to you - and you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to - but… I know enough of what they did before and you wake up afraid a lot. Figure… well, last thing you might need is seeing an undressed man so I’ve just been making sure you don’t. S’OK. I don’t mind.”

Your throat got tight and you nuzzled closer to him, suddenly missing his skin so much it hurt.

“I’m not afraid of you,” you said quietly, your voice thick.

“It’s OK if you are,” he replied. “Just don’t want to be something that hurts you.”

“You’re not,” you said. “I… I feel safe with you.”

He slowly, hesitantly pressed his lips to the top of your head.

“Good.”

You were silent for a minute and you could feel his body start to relax against you and you knew you should just let him rest but now that you realized it had been weeks since you’d last really felt his skin, you couldn’t think about anything else.

“Joel?” You said eventually.

“Hm.”

“Can…” You took a deep breath. “Can you take your shirt off?”

He pulled back from you, frowning slightly.

“I just…” you watched him closely. “I miss being able to touch you.”

“Sure, baby,” he said. “If that’s what you really want.”

You just nodded and he sat up enough to tug his shirt over his head before settling beside you, letting you decide how close you wanted to be. You pressed yourself against him, burying your face in his chest and breathing deep, not realizing just how much you’d missed this until that moment.

“I love you, Joel,” you said quietly, pressing a kiss to his skin.

He took a shaky breath.

“I love you too, Bambi.”

You tried to leave your room every day after that, at least for a little while. You made yourself tea in the kitchen and gave Orion a treat or watched something on TV in the living room. Ellie and Savvy came by and played cards one afternoon, both of them completely charmed by the way the cat would rear back on his hind legs to try to catch a string. You made it as far as the front porch once but you only lasted a few minutes there, the space too open to feel safe.

One day, you decided to go and spend time in the room you’d set up for Savvy, sitting cross-legged on the bed and looking around at how Joel had helped you put it together. You were just thinking about how to ask if she wanted to come spend the night at least when you heard the front door open.

“Sorry,” Joel said. “She’s got good days and bad. This may be a bad day if she’s still in our room…”

“Do you think she’d be up for talking about it?” Olivia’s voice was distinctive, even from the floor above. “Because it’s been weeks…”

“Know how long it’s been,” Joel said, his voice sharp. “Not about to jeopardize her health because…”

“The whole town relies on us and those horses,” Olivia cut him off, heated too. “I understand that she’s going through something and I don’t want to make it worse. She’s my friend and I care about her. But I need to know whether or not she’s coming back anytime soon because the horses she was working with before this happened? They’re backsliding. If I need to take over, fine, I’ll do my best but it won’t be what she can do and I don’t want to do it without talking with her and…”

“Another day,” Joel said. “I know what’s at stake but I am not putting her at risk. It ain’t worth it.”

They were quiet for a moment and then Olivia sighed.

“Fine,” she said. “But it has to be soon. They can’t just stay wild like this here, it’s not good for them. There’s only so much longer they can go on like this.”

You heard her leave and then Joel’s heavy sigh before walking - his limp apparent even from a floor away - to the kitchen. You took advantage of the sound of the running water to slip back into your bedroom, pressing yourself back against the headboard and closing your eyes for a moment.

Olivia was right. You knew the horses you’d been just starting to break would be in rough shape now. The longer you let them go, the harder it would be to get them back and it was dangerous to let them go too long in captivity without training. They could hurt themselves in the stall, hurt another horse, hurt someone trying to care for them. You couldn’t afford to let them go, the town needed them. Something had to give.

Joel didn’t mention Olivia when he came upstairs only a few minutes later. He brought you tea and toast with jam and you ate some of it, staring at your hand with the missing fingers as you used the ones that remained to hold the bread. Joel just sat next to you in bed, reading silently and absently stroking Orion and watching you out of the corner of his eye like he was afraid of what you might do if he wasn’t watching. Because, apparently, now you needed supervision to eat fucking toast.

He tried to coax you down to watch a movie that evening but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the bed, your mind lingering on his conversation with Olivia, on all the things you were failing by still being here, like this. It was like you were still trapped there, still chained to that fucking wall, still waiting for the thing that was going to rip you apart.

Joel held you as you tried to fall asleep - even though you weren’t sure you deserved it - and you knew it was going to be a rough night before it even began.

You were right. You dreamed about Cody taking your daughters from where they were supposed to be safe and searching for them in the woods, desperate to reach them, ready to give every piece of yourself away in exchange but still not finding them. You dreamed about Mitchum and how he liked to hurt you, how his body felt like the weight of the world was suffocating you when he was on top of you. You dreamed of being trapped and caged and finding the only person left on the other side of the bars was yourself, standing there, holding the keys and watching, waiting. For what, you didn’t know.

“Sweetheart!” Joel’s voice snapped you out of your head and, suddenly, you were back in his arms. The room was quiet and still and smelled like him and he was there, his eyes searching yours as he clutched you close. “Hey, it’s alright. We’re OK, I’ve got you. It’s just me, you and me, you’re safe. We’re all OK.”

He ran his large palm over your head over and over, his eyes locked on yours, saying the words over and over and they were nothing new. They were things Joel had said probably every day since you’d been back, things he told you when he could feel you tense or when you panicked in your sleep. It was a familiar mantra, something you clung to when so much of the rest of the world seemed to be swallowed by chaos and cruelty.

But this time, the settled in you differently. We’re OK. It’s just me, you and me.

This thing you’d survived hadn’t just happened to you, not really. Yes, you’d been the one to willingly hand yourself over to monsters and you’d been the one to suffer what they wrought but it was Joel who came back from patrol to find his entire family gone. It was Joel who had searched for you, frantic and terrified, for days. It was Joel who had shepherded your daughters through your disappearance as they tried to shove their guilt away with vengeance. It was Joel who took the closest thing you’d get to justice from your tormentors. And after it all, he’d stood there, in the middle of this tempest, holding you through it, keeping your head above water. When everything threatened to pull you under, he was there. You weren’t alone. Not in this, not in anything. Not anymore.

“Joel,” you whispered, reaching your hand up and trailing your fingers through his graying curls, his hair brushing against the scar tissue where your wedding band had once rested.

“Hey baby,” he whispered back, the barest hint of a smile on his lips, his gaze less panicked. “You feeling OK? Want me to bring you anything? I can make you tea…”

“No,” you said softly, still trailing your fingers through his hair. There’s a tightness in your stomach, one that was so foreign now but still so familiar when you were next to Joel. “That’s not what I want.”

He watched you, his eyebrows drawing together ever so slightly and you could see just how restrained he was. You’d known Joel a long time, you knew how the whole of his body moved when in pleasure or pain, in certainty or confusion, even the fine muscles of his face - especially those - and he was holding back. He was protecting you, always protecting you, even now, even from himself.

You didn’t want him to.

“What do you need?” He asked gently, his hand going from your hair to your face, his thumb pressed below your cheekbone.

You didn’t say anything. Instead, you watched him closely in the dark, keenly aware of how his body was in alignment with yours, how his leg had hooked over yours to tame your thrashing, how he held you close even though you knew you’d shoved him away so many times in your sleep. You moved closer to him slowly, your eyes staying locked on his as you hesitantly, delicately, kissed your husband for the first time in weeks.

***

Joel had to fight to not moan at the feel of your lips on his. But they were soft and plush, giving to the press of his mouth, your body more relaxed than he’d felt in so long.

He stopped himself, though.

He couldn’t do this, not now, not with you like this.

It had been weeks that you’d been back but, in so many ways, it was like you were still gone. You were so far away from him, so often just staring into space and sitting in silence. You didn’t seem to have any interest in listening to music or reading. The only thing that seemed to pry you out of that dark space within yourself was the cat - which he’d brought you out of sheer desperation - and the girls, but he wasn’t sure how genuine that was, if you were doing it because you wanted to or because you felt like you had to to take care of them.

When you started leaving the bedroom, he’d had hope. He’d thought that, maybe, things were getting better. That you were willing to see beyond the boundaries of those four walls and into a future that was better, one where you were yourself again. And then you stalled out there, only occasionally going on the front porch the two of you had spent so much time together on, back in the days you were afraid to be inside his home. Now, you were afraid to leave it.

Part of him wondered if this was what it was like when you first came to Jackson. If you’d spent weeks alone, locked inside your house and plagued by nightmares and memories that may as well have been nightmares, too. His heart ached for you if it that was case but he almost hoped it was. If this was just part of what it was like for you to survive, that he could count on you to return to him again once you got through this, then he’d get you back. You’d get through this and you’d be OK again.

But the longer you stayed there, trapped inside yourself, the more his hope dwindled.

It didn’t help that everything was tinged with the acute knowledge that he’d failed you. That you’d been hurt because he hadn’t reached you in time, that you’d been left to suffer alone. He’d hoped - perversely, perhaps - that he would at least be able to put you back together. He’d kept your fingers until you made it back to Jackson, hoping that the doctor would be able to reattach them. But she’d shaken her head, looking almost pityingly at him as she did. They’d been gone too long, he was too late. He’d wrapped the parts of you he couldn’t save in a scrap of one of his shirts that you liked so much and buried it beside the tree in his front yard. You’d loved sitting there, playing guitar, before. It seemed right that part of you should stay there. He cleaned your wedding band and added it to the chain you’d given him with the bullet on it, the reminders of you always close.

You were close now. So so close, so close it almost scared him.

You pulled back from him, your eyes wide and deep and bright in the moonlight.

“Joel,” you said softly, traces of familiar want in your voice. He had to try, again, to not moan at that.

“Don’t have to do this, baby,” he said, brushing the soft skin of your cheek with his callused thumb. “S’OK.”

“I know,” you said, your hand leaving his hair and holding his face much the same way he was holding yours. “But I want to.”

“Bambi…”

“I want you,” you said, rolling your hips against him as you spoke, the heat of desire sparking deep inside himself. He couldn’t hold the groan back this time, dropping his forehead to yours. “Please.”

“Not going to hurt you,” he said, his chest tight at that thought. “Should… should just…”

“You won’t hurt me,” you kissed him again, so soft and so gentle and you tasted sweet like peach and ginger from the tea and fuck but he missed you. He’d missed you so badly it hurt and the thought of never getting you back scared him so much he felt hollow if he lingered on it too long, like specter of the loss of you - even if your body was still here - threatened to send him back to the darkest reaches of himself. You were so close now, he could feel you, taste you. But if you left him now, after almost coming back to him, if he were the cause, that would ruin him. He knew it, deep at the core of him, that there would be no coming back from that.

But you were here.

“Please, Joel.”

So close.

“Please.”

Begging for him.

“I need you.”

His resolve crumbled then. He kissed you, firm and needy and the way he wanted to kiss you for the rest of his life and you moaned into his mouth, your hand slipping down his skin to the back of his head, fingers knotting desperately in his hair. He swallowed the sounds of your pleasure, running his hand over you to your leg, hitching your thigh over his side so the next delicious roll of your hips made your hot pussy press against his hardening cock.

It only took seconds for every concern in his head to melt away. How could he be worried about anything when you were here, like this, wanting him, moaning against him, feeling him and he was able to give you everything you wanted. He would break himself down into whatever form you needed and surrender himself to you, all you had to do was ask, all you had to do was let him. How could he be worried when you were finally letting him?

He pulled your shirt over your head, casting it aside and you pulled at his in return so he took that off, too and then you were against him and he moaned at the feeling of your bare skin on his because fuck, you were soft. The plush curve of your breasts - your nipples peaked - on his chest, the soft of your stomach on his own, the heat of your tongue as you dipped into his mouth. He was breathing the same air as you again, feeling your pulse again, so close to being inside your skin again.

You damn near ripped his pants off, scrambling with a desperate edge to your panting breaths as you did and he stopped you. You frowned, pupils blown, but he just held your hands still for a moment.

“I got it,” he said, breathless himself. “Just one second, baby, I got you.”

He pulled his pants off quickly and then yours, too and you were against him again almost immediately, your leg over his hip again as you lay side by side, facing each other, pressed so close and tight he was certain he could feel all of you against all of him. Your wet heat was tantalizingly, dangerously close to him, the head of his cock brushing against your sensitive sex. He held you tight, his lips brushing yours as you breathed into each other, noses touching, foreheads pressed together, a singular being tied together by want.

But he stopped himself from simply thrusting into you, no matter how badly he ached to bury himself inside. You hadn’t told him what happened when Mitchum had you this time, all Joel knew was that he prayed he’d reached you before your captor had managed to hurt you like that again, that his men were afraid enough of their boss that they hadn’t, either. But he remembered what the first time he was with you had been like, how you’d been afraid, how he’d held you. He wasn’t about to just take what he wanted, no matter how much you seemed to be begging him to, not until he knew it wouldn’t break you down further.

“You sure about this?” He asked. “You don’t have to do anything for me, baby. All you need to do for me is keep living, alright? Don’t want you to give me this unless you want it…”

“I know,” you panted, kissing him again, the ache of need on your tongue. “I want to. I want you, I love you, please…”

He kissed you, devouring your wanting as he pushed himself inside, his hand spreading wide over the small of your back, holding you in place as he sank into the tight, hot clutch of you.

You moaned as he did, keening and desperate, and he felt you straining not to move, your leg tight around him, tension in your hips. The moment he was fully sheathed inside you, though, you let yourself go, your hips working against his and you pulled your lips from his, watching him. There was a look of almost awe in your eyes and he could feel the flutter of your pulse on the inside of you, feel the shudder of your needy, shallow breaths. You were so warm, so soft, shaped so perfectly for him, taking him into yourself in a way no one else ever had. He belonged here, like this, with you. This, he thought, was the only explanation. That when the matter that made up the two of you sprang into existence it was alongside each other and had spent both your lives racing for each other until you could be joined like this again.

“Joel,” you whispered. “I missed you.”

“I know, baby,” he whispered back. “I missed you, too. So, so much.”

He rocked himself deeper then and you groaned, pressing your body completely against his, the soft of your cheek like silk against the rough of his beard, your quiet breaths drowning out every other sound in the world as your fingertips sank into his back, pulling at his skin as if you could knit yourself into him anymore than you already had.

Joel just held onto you like that, feeling you so close, his cock pressing deep inside where he belonged before pulling back only an inch or two, not daring to go any further from you than that. He became lost in you that way, the rhythm of your bodies together and the delicate moans and the wet plush of your mouth when your lips found his neck or shoulder when the building pleasure became too much.

He felt you getting tighter around him and he knew just how to draw you tighter, drive your pleasure deeper. He let his baser instincts take over, kissing and sucking the delicate skin of your throat and listening to the shift in your needy breaths when he did, pressing a little harder on your back so he could get just a little deeper and feel your channel tense even more.

“I’ve got you,” he said when it felt like you couldn’t be drawn any tighter. “Just come, come for me baby, please…”

You came with a strangled little gasp, one he wouldn’t have heard had he been anywhere but this close, so close it seemed you had to be a single being now, tied together deeply and permanently, close enough that nothing would pull you away from him again.

The almost painfully tight throbbing of you drove him over the edge and he came with you, buried so deep inside that he could feel all of you as you fluttered and pulsed over him.

“Joel,” you groaned, sounding like you were far outside your own body when you did. “Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel, I love you, I love you.”

You said it again and again until you went limp in his arms. He just held you for a minute, feeling your heartbeat and your skin, when you took a shaky breath and he felt a tear on his cheek.

“Hey,” he carefully pulled himself back from you, your eyes red and wet. He tried to slip out of you but you tightened your leg on him, not letting him leave. “Baby, you gotta talk to me…”

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice thick and wet and desperate in a whole new way. “I know I’ve been… I’m trying, I know I need to get back to normal with you and the girls and the horses and I don’t want to be like this and it’s like I can see where I was but I can’t reach it and I just…”

“Hey,” he said again, taking your face in his hands. “Look at me. It’s OK. We’re in this together, you and me. It don’t matter how long it takes, what you need, as long as you’re here. When you were gone… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go back without you…”

“Joel…”

“Nothin’ really seemed worth it unless you were there, too,” he said. “That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to. Don’t matter how long it takes or what you need, it’s you and me. I’ve got you, baby. Always.”

You nodded and burrowed into his neck and he held you until you were still and calm, drifting off in his arms. With you close like that, he managed to find sleep, too, passing out harder than he had since the two of you had come back to Jackson. He slept so hard that he didn’t feel you get out of bed in the night.

It was still dark when he woke up and found himself alone, the bed cold.

“Bambi?” He said quietly. But he didn’t expect you to answer. Something in him knew you were gone.

He got up quickly then, checking the bathroom and the living room and the kitchen and the porch but you weren’t anywhere.

His heart raced.

“Fuck,” he swore, wondering if you might have gone to see the girls or if he’d just scare them if he went there to check. He looked out the window, anyway, but their place was still dark. He tried to think of where else to go when it occurred to him, what you’d said in bed just a few hours earlier. The horses. You’d mentioned the horses.

He shoved his feet into his boots, not bothering to tie them, and ran to the stable, the faintest hint of dawn starting on the horizon. He damn near skidded to a stop at the fence, his bad leg throbbing, but he didn’t care. You were there, getting to your feet from the dirt in the middle of the paddock, a determined look on your face.

“Got news for you,” you said to the horse in front of you, one of the stallions you’d been working with before Cody took you. “Not gonna beat me that easy. I know it’s scary, know it’s hard but I promise it’s good for you. Just gotta let me take care of you.”

He watched you pet and soothe the animal for a moment before you pulled yourself roughly onto the horse’s back with a pained groan. It immediately rebelled, bucking and thrashing, but you held on, long enough that Joel thought you’d outlast the horse when it managed to dislodge you and you flew, landing with a sickening thud on the dirt.

“Shit,” Joel jumped the fence, running for you as the horse took off to the other side of the paddock. You groaned and shoved yourself up onto your hands as Joel reached you and you jumped a little when he touched you. He helped you sit up and you tried to stand but he held you down. You frowned, watching him. “Baby, what are you doin’ out here? It’s…”

“I can’t keep letting them go like this,” you said, your eyes wide. “They need help, they need to learn how to live here, if I just let them keep going back to what they were it will be harder and and harder to get them to where they need to be!”

“Sweetheart, you’re still recovering,” he said. “You can’t push it, you’ll…”

“I need to do this, Joel,” you said softly, your hand with the missing fingers finding his cheek. “Please, let me.”

He watched you for a moment, seeing you - the determined, forceful you - in your eyes for the first time in weeks. He tried to stifle his fear and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before pulling back.

“I’ll be right here,” he smiled softly. “It’s you and me.”

You gave him a small smile in return before getting up and going to the horse, talking to him for a moment before getting right back on.

Next chapter

A/N: This is it, just one little chapter left to say goodbye to these characters we've been with for a year now! I can't believe we're finally here, it feels like I've been writing this story forever. Thank you so much for sticking with it even as I took a million years to finish and left you hanging time and again. This story was a big learning experience for me and I appreciate you hanging in there through it. Thank you for spending your time here and for loving them and making sharing this story so special. It means everything to me.

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust @ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost @beccerjune @mumma-moonchild @netonetoneto @mellymbee @purplelye @n7cje @flugazi @evyiione @randomhoex @aliengirl99 @orcasoul @reds-ramblings @pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel @jenispunk @panda-pascal @sarap-77 @flugazi @your-slutty-gf @daniegraceg @partyofone3413 @cumberpegg @noisynightmarepoetry. @fifia-writes @grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123 @ashleyfilm @arizonadreamingg

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc

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chkn-soup · 8 months ago

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.PUDDLE.

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Warnings: These little demons are too silly..silliness overboard (also some slight sexual innuendos/references)

Syno: Helluva cast and what they’d do if there was a puddle or wet spot infront of you while you were walking to your date…(this is so stupid..)

(Suffering with severe writers block rn but I managed to juice this out of me, bare with me yall!!)

—————————————

Moxxie:

Moxxie is a die hard gentleman, and I will stand by that. So he will totally be prepared for this occasion (like he was in the Loo Loo land episode with his little Fanny filled with meds for Via) He’d most likely whip out some sort of plastic or cardboard like walk way for you to step on..and he just like had that..on hand, meanwhile you’re saying things like…”I can just walk around it”, but please let him be cautious and spoil you, he loves being prepared for such drastic situations to get his partner away from danger..even if the danger is just getting your shoes wet. Afterwards he’ll ask if you are alright..as if walking over a puddle is traumatic or like it took a toll on you.

Blitzø:

Blitzø probably won’t care or even notice the puddle in the first place. In fact if he does notice it, he’ll purposely push you into it so your feet get all wet, especially if you’re trying to avoid it in the first place, then he’ll laugh at you and your pouty face. But if you’re actually upset about it and don’t start laughing with him he’ll definitely be like “What..you mad your shoes are wet?” Once he realizes you’re pretty pissed about it he’ll say “Ok ok..sorry.” And will then join you in the puddle and make sure his feet end up equally as soaked or even more so just so you aren’t mad at him the whole night.

Stolas:

Stolas will most definitely see the puddle and he’s all for keeping his partner out of harms way especially the smallest ounce of it, and he knows that appearance is everything and so is comfortability, he doesn’t want your feet to be wet and soppy therefore uncomfortable for you. So he’ll do the reasonable things and use his powers to make you float over it…like Stolas..really? He’s one that likes to one up, and he really loves to show off, especially to his partner. So he will use his magic for the smaller things just to impress you, that includes making you float over a puddle just so your precious feet stay dry and warm.

Fizzarolli:

Our little froggy will do what he does best and leap! You don’t think he’ll extend the both of you over a mere puddle then you are wrong, Fizz is the king of Drama, and he will be super dramatic about this whether you like it or not, He’ll extend the both of you over thoroughly and will look very badass while doing so. And he’ll even ask too “didn’t I look so cool.” Sure Fizzy, the coolest.

Asmodeus:

This big boy will not hesitate to pick you up into his arms, and he IS strong enough to do so, all while he walks into the puddle himself, but you know anything to make sure his sweetheart is alright, and no no, he won’t be setting you down afterwards, he’ll just carry you the whole way to the date just because he feels like it..and you know what you’re much safer up there with him anyways…so why would he let you down?

Striker:

This mf cowboy (“save a horse” iykwim) will not hesitate to pull some dramatics as well, he’ll whip out his little lasso from his side and wrap it around you throughly while he pulls you away from the puddle in the last moments before you even get the chance to step on it and he’ll draw you in to send you spinning (or more like falling) straight towards him and into his chest..he’ll hold you mighty close to him as he walks the both of you to your date and he will keep the lasso on you…just incase there’s anymore danger up ahead, or he’ll totally lay down his jacket for you over the puddle, just like an old school gentleman would do.

Mammon:

Mammon will definitely pull a Blitzø where he’ll purposely push you into it and will laugh at your reaction but on the other hand he won’t join you in your wet shoe’d state, he’d rather just laugh at you and say that you should audition for his pageant because watching you in dreadful situations is funny to him. He will be kind enough to dry your feet up at home/or even the restaurant, and he’ll make sure your feet are dry.

—girls—

Millie:

This precious lady will honestly want to get into the puddle with you just to splash around, it doesn’t matter that you have reservations that you’re already 20 minutes late for, she’ll dead stop and be like “Baby look a puddle!!” and you’ll understand her and begin to jump in it with her, she loves just doing childish things with you even if some people might find it gross. But! if you don’t like puddles and won’t jump in it with her she understands completely and will quite literally pick you up over her head and carry you over it…doesn’t matter if you are taller or bigger than her, she’ll carry you anytime, anywhere.

Loona:

She’s another one who will pull you into her closer so you aren’t near the puddle but instead near her. She doesn’t want your feet wet and will try to protect you or prevent you from going into it, just because she knows how annoying wet socks are, But don’t even try to mention she did it or she’ll go back/find another puddle to push you into….the shell feel bad and will lend you her socks..don’t mention that either.

Verosika:

Hehe..Verosika really loves you she does, and that’s why she has high expectations of you. One of them being that you’ll carry her through the puddle instead of her carrying you. So she’ll see the puddle, purposely get closer to it and pause when she’s a step away from it..she’ll look down roll her eyes and say something about her shoes,…take the hint [reader]! And if you do take the bait and carry her (if you can) well..she’ll give you Tenfold for treating her so nicely and will peck your cheek after..but don’t think you’re putting her down immediately after..the fun has just started.

Stella:

Hello..??? She’s royalty and is lowkey a little bratty (she need a brat tamer..I’m here for her😏) so she’ll obviously expect you to do something for her to get her out of this drastic situation, do you want her new heels to be ruined by mud? She doesn’t think so. So she’ll pause before the puddle and eye you to see what you’ll do, you can do anything and she’ll absolutely love it, pull her out of the way, lay your jacket on it, or even carry her and she will laugh and grin smugly, kissing you before continuing to walk with you again. She likes when you treat her nicely..she’ll do the same for you coming back that way at the end of the date.

——

Hello my loves! I’m trying to write your requests, thank you all for being patient and supportive I love you all and you deserve your asks to be answered, you beautiful people!!🫶🏼🫶🏼!!

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4pfsukuna · 4 months ago

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Enemies to f⭐️cking lover Toji

Ok so ive been thinking about releasing a 3-5 part enemies to lovers(or something along those lines) for toji although i know the most common works on here is one shot smut. Trust smut will be involved… its toji

You used to be an american spy but japan pays nearly tripple. The jobs were quick easy taking 2 days at max. You had climbed the interest ladder for your ability to get things done in a quick and neat fashion with minimal mess and uproar increasing your salary from 4 figures to six in only a couple of months. Unfortunately theres another assasin whos getting in your way and hes the exact opposite of everything you stand for.

Not only does he not wear a mask to cover his identity, he lets his targets know exactly who he his just so they can have his name as their last thought before death.

Toji fushiguro.

The biggest jackass youve ever met.

This wasnt your typical one sided beef where youd get mad at him and hed flirt no he had beef with the number one assassin who was stealing his target which means his money. It truly grinded his gears and yours when they made you split a salary.

“Might as well go home princess” you hear his raspy voice though princess was said in a derogatory way hes made it clear several times he hated the way you did things. Why be so… clean. Death is death.

“Fuck off pretty boy go back and crawl into whatever shitty little backroom of a laundry mat and return to horse betting” you seethe having done your research on him. Its not like he needed the money for anything important unlike you who wanted it for taking care of responsibilities back home.

This mission had been one of your biggest yet and you did not need to blow your hiding spot nor cover by arguing with his big ass over nothing.

You're grabbed from the crouching position your in and slammed against the brick wall not hard enough to hurt but it does press into your all black outfit.

“You can do whatever research you want on me but you dont fucking know me… you dont know shit.” he snarls lip on his scar stretching further yet you shove him off. “And im not a pretty boy”

“Please youre not the threat you think you are” you scoff attempting to bruise his ego and the way he steps forward lets you know you did but you never let your guard down to your surroundings and youre quick to pull out your gun aiming in his direction.

He chuckles crossing his arms over his broad chest and you may be uninterested but youre not blind to how his compression tee squeezes him in a way thats… satisfactory to the eye.

“Going to shoot me princess? I thought you were too good to get your hands dirty. Squeemish at blood even” he pokes until you release six shots shooting the men slowly approaching that he failed to notice.

“You fucking shot me!” He growls touching the tiny drip of blood from where the bullet grazed the tip of his ear just enough to break skin not cause any definite damage.

Taking a bow you smirk before making eye contact with him the only gap in your mask being the slot for your eyes.

“Oh sorry about that pretty boy, ill do you a solid and let you tell shiu you got this one all on your own.” you tease knowing his pride wouldn't let him take the credit for something he wouldn’t do.

“No i don’t want your pity kill” he seethes looking as if he’s ready to throw a tantrum yet you can only smile knowing you won this battle.

“Great more money for me” you grin running past him the location no longer serving you any purpose. It was time to cash in and Shiu didnt stay up past 2am.

Toji grabs your arm stopping you from escaping though before he could speak the faint sound of sirens in the distance growing closer.

“What? You goin’ to hold me here until the cops get here with these other dead bodies how do you think that’s going to look? A big, strong and muscular giant holding a petite young woman like myself” you victimize yourself and you watch the frustration grow in his eyes knowing he has to let you go.

“Its not fucking over” he hisses releasing you with a slight push making your smile grow even wider.

“Great more chances for me to teach a pup like you what not to do” you tease tearing off a piece of his shirt and pressing it to his ear. “Wouldn’t want your blood at a crime scene would we fushiguru”

And youre dissapearing into the darkness of night and he watches your silhouette slip down an alley until he no longer can.

You may have thought you had the last laugh but he was best friends with Shiu. So when you near you third week of no assignment you figure its time to reach out to the former and see what the issue is. Learning that Toji somehow convinced him you wanted a break you decided it was time to cut your ties temporarily with the man and find a new “project manager”

The next assignment is the most you’ve ever been offered so high in the six digits it’s close to seven and for a simple retreival mission.

So when youre standing surrounded

“Toj

Waking up with a throbbing headache youre confused when you meet the eyes of a spikey haired 5 year old who is playing with a toy truck a black puppy not to far behind. He must feel you stairing since he turns to face you and gives you a toothy grin.

“My dad must like you, he doesnt let us wear hats in the house but let you keep your mask on” he stutters slightly and you reach up feeling the mask

#toji x reader #toji fushiguro #toji x black y/n #toji x black reader #toji x you #fushiguro toji #toji fushigro x reader #toji zenin #toji x y/n #toji x oc #sukuna x reader #sukuna x black reader

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elsweetheart · 2 years ago

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what’s the worst that could happen to a girl that’s already hurt?

🎀 when your best friend ellie stands you up, the man who raised you both swoops in to save the day.

🎀 kittie??? using capital letters?? well i never. i present the much awaited father figure joel fic! it’s also a bff!ellie fic! double homicide. warning: it’s pretty angsty in some places, mentions of your birth father being a shitty guy, mention of alcohol (unrelated to your dad), all around daddy issues, ellie’s kind of a dick in this, fem!reader, reader is a woman luver, this is NOT hate towards dina she is simply just there, lemme know if i missed anything! p.s i’m trying out adding little cover pics to my fic, tried to make this one have the same vibes as like a journal / diary entry with stickers n stuff ? ok bye

Ellie was an everywhere kind of girl. She was strong, capable, intelligent, and always knew what to do. To you, she was truly a superhero around Jackson, always making sure that everyone was safe and doing her best to take on the jobs she thought was too dangerous for everyone else. Her selflessness was what drew you to her in a romantic sense in the first place, not that she had any idea. In her eyes, the two of you were long time best friends who grew up together — experiencing just about everything together, and you were certain to her that’s all it was. You’d liked her since you’d met.

For the most part, it didn’t suck. getting to be close with Ellie made it worth it, smoking together, laughing, and sometimes even playfully flirting (the butterflies in your stomach can attest to this.) There were hard times of course, Ellie getting with other girls and telling you all about them, the fact she probably saw you as a little sister, and most recently — she’d gotten super busy. So busy, that you had to start going out of your way just to say hi to her each day, always running about Jackson to find her. To you, it was worth it. You missed her.

“Boo!” Two hands grabbed you from behind as you swept the hay in the barn making you yelp and turn around with a wide eyed expression. “Totally got you.” Ellie smirked, backing off. She wore her khaki green jacket that you loved over her hoodie, done up with her jeans and her backpack on.

“What’re you doing here?” You asked softly, chest swelling with affection. She stepped around you, going to pat one of the horses as greeting.

“Thought I’d stop by, about to head out on patrol.” She took a carrot from the feeding tray and fed it to the horse.

“You always seem to be on patrol.” You smiled, and you cursed yourself at how it came out. It sounded kind of bitter, and shit — maybe you were a little bitter— but you knew it wasn’t ultimately her fault that you felt neglected. Perceptive as ever, Ellie turned her head towards you quickly wearing guilt on her face.

“I’m sorry, dude. I miss hanging out.” She took a step towards you and you let yourself sulk, turning your back to her and continuing to sweep. “I do.” She took another step closer.

“Don’t call me dude. I’m a girl.” You were being a little pathetic now, punishing her when she didn’t fully deserve it.

“Since when?” She chuckled and you whipped your head to her in shock, a look of anger and disbelief accidentally showcased in your expression. “I mean since when did you care about me calling you dude?”

When you didn’t respond, Ellie sighed— stepping up directly behind you. “Alright, I didn’t wanna have to do this. But I’m gonna have to call in reinforcements from the tickle monster.” She spoke seriously, and before you got the chance to protest this her hands were jabbing into your waist, fingers wiggling up and down your ribs as you squealed, a smile making a breakthrough onto your face as if despite everything your body couldn’t help but enjoy her touch.

“Ellie stop!” You chortled, your hands falling loose on the broom. Before it fell, Ellie reached around and caught it before swinging it round and hiding it behind her back. You spun around to her, lurching forward to try and grab it but instead just stepping right up close into her space.

It seemed like everything froze, just like that. Your faces were close and her eyes were boring into yours — the green of them almost painfully bright today, her cheeks looking like they’d caught a bit of sun, hair jostled in her messy half bun from all the commotion. You blinked up at her, collecting yourself as she smiled back smugly.

“Give my broom back.” You breathed out, confidence slightly lost at the close proximity.

“One condition.” She whispered and you leant on your hip with an attitude, tilting your head at her as if to say ‘what?’. She sucked in a breath, and you swear her eyes flickered to your lips for just a second but you might have imagined it. “Stop being mad at me. Let’s hang out.” She proposed and your heart fluttered. Finally.

“Alright.” You muttered with a shy smile and she tilt her head, grin widening.

“Yeah?” She seemed equally excited, and you felt elated. You had gotten in your own head a little with Ellie being so busy, thinking that maybe she’d been busy for a reason — trying to politely get you off her back. This was the confirmation you’d needed that you were overthinking, as usual.

“Remember how you said you were gonna teach me about skin… care…stuff? Let’s do it. It’s about time I start acting like a girl.” She chuckled, stepping back and breaking the tension of your closeness a little. You stepped back too, a little flushed from the moment and nodded happily. Footsteps approached the barn, capturing your attention for a moment before you rushed to organise your little hang out session.

“Tonight? At mine?”

Ellie’s head was turned towards the door, distracted by Dina poking her head around and realising she had been keeping her waiting. Her head snapped back to you as she wiped her hands down on her jeans nodding.

“Yeah, cool. I gotta get going but I’ll see you, yeah? It’s a date.” She rambled out, walking backwards for a moment to face you before turning around as you bid her farewell. You tried not to overthink the ‘it’s a date.’

Night time rolled around, and you were cringing at yourself in the mirror. It was just going to be a chill little night in with Ellie, the same way it always was since you’d had your own place in Jackson— but you’d put in a little extra effort to look cute, despite wearing just a tank top and pyjama pants. You did your hair all pretty, applying a little bit of makeup you’d made yourself from ingredients, which you’d learnt how to make from a book about female prisoners. You felt cute, and you were hoping Ellie might think the same— but you didn’t wanna get ahead of yourself.

A knock at your door sounded a little while into the night, and you tried to quell the relieved butterflies tearing through your stomach by taking a deep breath, heading out your room to answer it. You swung the door open, expecting Ellie — only to be met with Joel. Your smile faltered for no more than a second, wondering how long Ellie’s patrol was going on for before fixing your face, not wanting to hurt his feelings.

Joel was what you thought every man should be. You’d first met him and Ellie a few days outside of Jackson when they were trying to find Joel’s brother, Tommy. You were headed to Jackson too to find the only person that might’ve been alive in your family, your dad. You were no more than a year younger than Ellie, out there all by yourself and Joel couldn’t let you continue on that way. You were headed to the same place, so he let you tag along — plus, he figured Ellie might want a friend. So it turned out, your dad wasn’t the greatest guy. He was just as neglectful and angry since the last time you’d seen him as a child. After causing more damage, he packed up with his new family and left the safe haven of Jackson to live in a warmer climate (for whatever reason.) You were just a kid, a damaged and lonely kid — and Joel being the man he was, stepped up. He wasn’t just caring for Ellie, he now had you on his hands— making sure your needs were met and you were living comfortably in your new residence. The two of you had grown close over the years, he was the closest thing to a father you ever had.

“Y’asked to borrow sugar for those cookies you said you’d make for Maria’s thing?” He drawled, swinging his backpack off his shoulder to dig through it— having remembered the favour you’d briefly asked of him a week ago. “Got a whole tub of it, right here. Don’t let anyone else see that, they’ll come knockin’ and you’ll be out again in no time.” He presented you with a wooden tub, filled to the brim with brown sugar. Your expression softened, taking it in your hands as you looked up at him gratefully.

“Knew I could count on you, old man.” you grinned, the nickname you and Ellie had so kindly gifted him never losing its charm. He nodded, shy of affection but smiled anyway — your sweet ways poking him right in the soft spot. He stepped back to walk away, and before he could go any further your voice cut through, stopping him in his tracks.

“Joel.” you shot out, almost urgently. God, you felt a little desperate.

“Yeah?” He gruffed, and you paused for a moment, brows furrowed as you started to realise how late it was actually getting. Was Ellie coming at all? He saw right through your expression, knowing that something had to be bothering you. Joel stepped a little closer, tilting his head at your far away expression. “What’s up, kiddo?” Any other time you’d smile at the nickname. Ellie was kid, and you were kiddo. That, or ‘thing one’ and ‘thing two’ from that old Cat in the Hat book he’d shown you.

“Have you seen Ellie tonight, at all?” you gnawed on your bottom lip, trying to hide your concern and failing. Joel seemed to falter, his eyes skimming from you to behind you, noticing how you’d set up your living room. Jars of the skincare, face masks, the lot of it — laid out on the coffee table. Bowls of snacks sat out, untouched, with blankets strewn about to make the couch look comfy and fun. You’d even hung up some fairy lights that had been a pain to find batteries for if he remembers correctly, you begging him to always look for them on his hunts. He was piecing things together a little when your voice dragged his attention back to you, your frown deepening. “It’s just, she said she was gonna come round and hang out with me tonight. ‘Was gonna teach her about skin care. We haven’t hung out in ages and I guess… I just thought…” You trailed off, Joel’s eyes dropping down to his shoes briefly.

“Yeah, uh.” He cleared his throat a little awkwardly, unsure how to approach the situation that he was realising to be more delicate than he thought. “Saw ‘er at the bar with that Dina on the way over here. They… were gettin’ pretty wasted.” He sounded apologetic, like he knew just how pathetic you were and you couldn’t stop your face from falling — rejection and humiliation swiftly settling in making your cheeks heat up.

“Oh.” Your eyes widened, before they dropped away from Joel’s pitying gaze. “Yeah, makes sense I mean they were just on patrol together.” You rushed out a chuckle, hand resting back on your door like you wanted to close it. “Well thanks for stopping by with the sugar Joel, you’re the best.” You hurried, backing up so you could send him away, not wanting to give away how upset you were. It was no use though, Joel knew you. He knew the look on your face all too well, that same look of rejection on your face that he’d seen when your dad was still around. You had tells, your face would go all tight and rigid like you were afraid any display of emotion might send you hurtling over the edge into tears. Joel placed his hand on the door before you had even made an attempt to shut it, gazing at you for a moment trying to find the right words to say. It wasn’t often he had to do this kind of thing, a dad duty.

“You uh— you got room for me in there? I’m startin’ to look a little old, maybe I could… benefit from this typ’a thing.” He suggested, voice serious like it always was with a softness to his expression. You stared back at him, slightly surprised but considering it. You could send him away, spend the rest of the night in tears and eating all the snacks you’d prepared, or… “Until Ellie decides to show her sorry ass, of course.” He added, throwing in a jokey smile at the end. Joel smiling was rare, so when he did smile you always found it contagious. You pushed your door open wider, stepping aside.

“Welcome to my spa, mister Miller.”

Before long, Joel’s coat and boots were kicked off at your door and he was sat on your couch, your cold hands smearing your home made face mask over his face.

“You really need to shave. This beard is what’s making you look old.” You joked, the pink goo narrowly avoiding his beard hairs as you rubbed it into his cheek.

“Yeah yeah, you try findin’ a razor that’s worth shit around here.” He shook his head making you tut at his movement obstructing your application. “This supposed to burn?” He frowned, pointing to his face. Your eyes widened, pulling back. You were sure you had made it hypoallergenic, but the book you learnt how to make it from was pretty dated — maybe it was wrong. He chuckled at your expression, relaxing. “m’fuckin with ya, kiddo.”

You scrunched your nose angrily, scooping out some product and smearing it over his mouth so he couldn’t talk, his reaction to this making you burst out laughing. He wiped it off with the back of his hand, glaring at you, scrunching his own face up in disgust.

“Tastes like shit.”

“Well that’s because you’re not supposed to eat it, it’s to replenish the moisture barrier in your skin.” You enunciated, repeating what you’d read in your book proudly.

“To what?” He sarked and you rolled your eyes playfully, prodding his cheek gently to get him to turn it.

“No more questions. Let me finish this, grandpa.” You concentrated, applying the rest of the face mask to his skin. You leant back, admiring his glossy pink mask, all done. “Well, don’t you look pretty.” You held back your laugh, and he reached up to gently touch the sticky layer over his skin.

“What, you ain’t got no cucumbers for my eyes?” he leant back in his seat and you laughed at the imagery as you picked up your hand mirror, beginning to apply the face mask to your own skin.

“C’mon now Joel. You know that cucumbers are a luxury this time of year, I’m not wasting them on you.” You scooped out product, smoothing the refreshing slime across your cheek. He chuckled, raising his eyebrows as if to say ‘fair enough’ before falling quiet. You glanced his way, nodding at the popcorn bowl on the table. “Help yourself to the snacks, or i’m just gonna eat them all.” You chuckled lightly. He didn’t, as expected— arms crossed over his chest.

“So what do I do now? Just wait?” He looked around, taking in the way you’d decorated the place with hopes to impress Ellie. His heart was old and damaged, but it twinged in sympathy for you — knowing her repeated absence was probably weighing on you, the pair of you once joined at the hip.

“Yeah, it’ll dry and then you can peel it right off.” You smiled, your focus now centred in on making sure you didn’t get the mask in your eyebrows.

“Kiddo, I’m sorry you got stood up.” He turned to look at you and your movements froze, turning to look back at him caught off guard.

“Really, Joel— it’s okay, and I really appreciate you being here.” You smile, trying to convince him that you weren’t hurt by Ellie ditching you for Dina, the pure existence of the dark haired girl filling you with nerves and slight insecurity.

“But you’d rather her be here, right?” You wanted to put your defensives up, but his thick comforting accent made you sigh— putting down the jar and mirror, finished on your face. It was hard not to tell Joel the truth, maybe it would feel good to talk to someone about it. You opened your mouth to speak, and he cut you off. “You like’er.” He stated, and your words died in your throat. Surely he wasn’t calling you out like that?

“Of course I like Ellie, she’s my—”

“Not… like that. You love her.”

Your throat closed up and you blinked, how the fuck did he know? You said nothing, confirming his suspicions with your silence and your eyes got a little glassy, sure that this ordeal was making you look even more pathetic than before.

“And, hell— I want you to know it’s alright by me. Not that you need my permission or anythin’ but— i’m… i’m good with the gay stuff, always have been. N’ you two make sense together. I think i’ve always kinda known.” His forehead line deepened as he tried to word things sensitively, being gentle not exactly his forte.

“Well… thanks Joel. i’m sure i’ll just… get over it.”

“What I’m sayin’ is… You can talk to me. Alright?”

“Alright.”

You’d helped Joel peel off the mask, and now you were applying a cooling moisturiser that you’d made to his skin that was a little pink from the peel. “Now you’d better not go around tellin’ anyone I’d had a spa day with you. Don’t wanna damage my reputation.” He weakly threatened you as you smoothed the pearly product into his rough skin. Times like this, when he was going back and forth with you in such a humorous way made it easy to forget what he was capable of, how many people he’d killed effortlessly.

“And what’s your reputation. Grumpy old man?” You raised an eyebrow making him chuckle.

“Watch it.”

You moved on to apply the product to your own face, and he picked up your hand mirror, checking out your handiwork. To him, he looked the same — just a little shinier, though he wasn’t sure what he was expecting. A comfortable silence fell over you as you smoothed the product into your skin, reaching forward with your other hand and stuffing some popcorn into your mouth. His chuckle faded into a fond smile as he watched you miss your mouth with some of the kernels, giggling to yourself.

“You and Sarah would’a got on.”

Maybe he was feeling sentimental, it was always harder not to face your emotions later on in the night — and perhaps the ambience of your home that you’d made was reminding him of old times. You slowed your movements, as if you’d move too fast and burst his bubble of reminiscing. You wanted Joel to feel comfortable like he’d made you. You even chewed slower to be quieter, staying silent to let him speak as he stared into space at one of the lit candles on your fireplace. “She always liked doin’ this kinda thing. I always said no. Was too much of a manly man.” He scoffed with a sad smile at the silliness behind his reason, shaking his head slightly in regret.

“I would have liked to know her.” You admit softly, staring at his profile— still glowy from the product you’d applied.

“She was all girly, like you. Always wearin’ pink n’ purple. Would’a been the best of friends.” He finally turned to look at you, his eyes a little sad and glossy at the distant and lost possibility. Yours were too, you couldn’t imagine his loss— Joel never spoke about Sarah. You realised now, that he was sharing something vulnerable with you because you’d been brave enough to fess up to something vulnerable too that night, which made your heart expand in size by ten. For tonight, your Ellie wound was patched up by Joel. You touched his arm, and you shared a smile.

Joel stood with his boots on, pulling his coat on at the door — having just reached midnight and he figured it wasn’t appropriate to stay any longer.

“You feeling like a new man after that facial?” You jabbed with a grin. He chuckled, buttoning up his thick jacket preparing for the snowy weather.

“Damn right.” He went along with it making you laugh. He stood up straight after pulling his backpack on his back, looking down at you with more sincerity now. “You gonna be alright kiddo? Can talk to her if you want but I reckon you… got it handled.” He trailed off knowingly when your eyes widened at the suggestion.

“No, I’m sure me and her will talk… and i’m okay, thanks Joel.” You nod at him with more meaning than you’re both willing to address again and he nods back.

“I’ll see you.”

Jackson was quiet that time of night, watching his step as to not slip on melted ice. Joel’s eyes flit up from his boots to the figure fumbling away from the bar on the path towards the living spaces. Ellie, drunk as a skunk hobbling home, Dina in the distance stumbling her separate way.

“Ellie.” Joel greet, stepping up behind her and she swung around, gleefully throwing her arms up.

“Joel!”

“Let’s get you home.” He nodded, stepping by her side to make sure she didn’t fall and hurt herself. He wasn’t mad at her, she probably didn’t even know — but he couldn’t help but sigh at her thoughtless, joyful mood.

“Why’re you out so late, old man?” Ellie slurred slightly, head bowed to watch her step carefully.

“Don’t you worry about me kid.” He took a hold of her arm when she stumbled lightly, having lost the card game one too many times with Dina. Dina had needed cheering up after a spat with Jesse, and Ellie had stepped up to help being the good friend she was. It was mainly to get her to stop whining about it on their shared patrol trips.

“You had plans tonight. Shouldn’t’ve been in there gettin’ wasted. You know that.” His voice was quiet but meaningful and Ellie’s head rose from its position, staring ahead with a confused expression before it settled in realisation, saying your name.

“Shit.” She swore, wiping a hand down her face as she arrived at her house, right beside Joel’s. The thought of blowing you off so badly seemed sobering and she climbed the porch step, fumbling for her keys and turning to look at the man stood before her, even in her drunk state recognising the fatherly look of disappointment on his face. “Was she mad?” She squint and Joel stepped back.

“No.” He confirmed and she sighed, watching him for a moment. “Make it right, Ellie.” He nodded, before departing to his own house. Ellie sighed once more. She’d fucked up, bad.

♡ ♡ ♡

#platonic!joel #fatherfigure!joel #bff!ellie #ellie williams angst #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff

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chereus · 1 year ago

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Save a Horse, ride a cowboy | JJ. Maybank

Summary; Reader gets back from a trip to the mainlands and just wants to make sweet sweet love to her boyfriend.

Pairings; JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

Warnings; Somnophilia!!, DUBCON!!, pegging, slight mommy kink, best friends sister, usage of a v!brator, (kinda) established secret relationship, P IN V contact with no protection *I’M UNWELL, OK.*, very minimal editing —lemme know if I missed any please!

Cherries Notes; y’all. What in the hell is this? I just imagine John B waking up to absolutely violent moaning and thinking, “what the fuck?” Because honestly, he’s not wrong.

Cherries Notes PT2; don’t bully me ok, this work is literally from months ago. I barley recognize my own writing.

Word count; 2.1k

JJ has been extremely horny all this past week. To the point where he could just think about his girlfriend and get hard. Unfortunately she was on a trip to the mainlands with her friends. It was extremely frustrating to not be able to talk to his best friend about his girl troubles considering this girl in particular was his sister.

Ever since their dad got lost at sea John B became her father figure and would absolutely flip if he found out that they were together. JJ wasn’t too concerned about it since he knew that even though John B would be absolutely furious in the beginning, there’s no way he could stay mad at his lifelong best friend and someone he considered to be his brother.

So here he laid, in the humid dark room of the chateau thinking of how he was going to nail his little sister when she got back. In this very room. He was thinking about how first he’d teasingly kiss her plump lips and wrap his hand delicately around her throat as their tongues messily tangled together. About every time she’s pull back for air he’d smile into her kiss and pull her back in further.

About how he would move his hands up and down her body in a way they both know only he could do to her. About how he’d smush their entangled bodies together by the widest part of her hips. About how he’d fall back on the bed and take her with him by her thighs and have her straddle him. And most of all he was thinking about how much he missed her.

How while he explicitly missed her touch and deep romantic kisses and the hidden desire in her eyes he also missed the way she’d snort when she laughed. Or when she got angry and she’d pout. Or when she would take care of him when he she knew he had a bad day. Or when she knew he just needed comfort.

The thought of her not coming back was sending JJ into a mindset that he wasn’t equipped to deal with when she wasn’t here, ironically enough. So he decided that going to sleep would be the best option right now.

It was the wee hours of the morning by the time that you got back to find JJ curled up in your bed sleeping. You smiled softly and thought about how last week before your trip you had talked about wake up sex. JJ was more than happy to indulge in that fantasy. In fact he more than begged and pleaded for you to start the gracious level of kinky shit you guys were into right away. You had slept the entire car ride home so you were energized just enough to mount your boyfriend like a horse and ride him into the sunrise.

You knew how heavy of a sleeper JJ was so there was no need to be extremely quiet. You did however take caution in the fact that he looked harder than a rock and hadn’t been touched by anyone other than himself in a a little over a week so he’d be extremely sensitive when you tried to touch him. You knew exactly what the man liked. And what he liked was to not be in control all the time. He absolutely adored when you’d boss him around in bed. And even more so he enjoyed being the brat everyone knew he was. You had been teasing him on the phone all week just getting him riled up so you could go for hours when you got back.

Setting your bags in her closet you pull out a medium sized black box with all of your favorite sexual related things. You scan the box looking for four bundles of rope and your strap on harness. Deciding to be nice you take out your and JJ’s favorite attachment. An 7 inch long duel ended vibrating dildo. You love it because fits perfectly snug inside you while you giving the best performance of your life.

As you move to tie JJ to the bed you could help but smile at the sight of him cuddling the pillow in place of you. Continuing with the task at hand you slowly remove the pillow from JJ’s death grip. He turns and groans at this action which you find equally as cute. Even in his sleeping form he always has to be touching you in some way. When you successfully get both of his wrists tied to the headboard you move on to his ankles. You notice how he’s starting to stir a little from his restricted movement so you take that as a sign to move faster.

A few minutes later you have successfully tied your boyfriend to the bed and we’re beginning to quickly strip your clothes off. The quicker you went the hornier you got. JJ always slept practically naked anyways. It seemed that his horniness got the best of him tonight and he was completely naked. But usually anything short of just his boxers was too hot. You definitely didn’t complain. Easy access.

As you moved to approach the bed you stopped by your nightstand and grabbed the bottle of lube that occupied the tight space of the upper drawer. Also easy access.

Crawling over JJ you sat directly in the middle of his thighs so when he woke up he would see you pounding into him. Luckily you’d tied his legs far enough apart that you didn’t have to worry about wiggle room as there was plenty.

You started by kissing his hip bones and then working your way up his perfectly chiseled abs kissing one after the other. He softly moaned in his sleep from your feathery kisses. Once you made your way up through his stomach and chest you quietly nudged your face with his, brushing your lips over his own. He groaned with the sudden attention not wanting it to stop. You quietly pulled away and sat down on your calves. Lubing up the toy adequately and lubing the rim of his anus. His cock twitched and he deeply groaned at the cool sensation.

Lining up the toy and his delicate hole you slowly start to push in. JJ let’s out a loud moan and his eyes shoot open. You ignore him and speed up gently. Your thrusts were beginning to get deeper and JJ is still half asleep moaning his heart out.

“What the fu—” he groggily starts but the words soon die on his lips as you thrust a particularly rough thrust. You lean forward and kiss him on the lips and mutter an ‘I love you’.

As your thrusts begin to get deeper and faster the other end that had currently resided up your vagina begins to hit every nook and cranny of your vaginal cavity. You couldn’t hold the moan that was brewing in your throat and certainly not when you heard JJ mutter “harder”, along with a strangled moan.

The deeper he moaned the harder you went. At some point you remembered that this toy had a remote that made it vibrate and you took full advantage of that. Grabbing the remote from the right side of the bed you don’t hesitate in quickly cranking it up.

You could tell that JJ was doing more than stellar as he couldn’t even form complete sentences out of pure pleasure. This created a massive grin to spread across your face in euphoria. JJ was right, you should’ve done this so much sooner.

As you thrusted in the deepest, most sensitive parts of your boyfriend, you couldn’t help but just put your hands anywhere and everywhere. JJ seemed to appreciate the warmth of your petite hands as your nails dug into him wherever they could find a spot. He was getting close you could tell by the slight arch in his back and the furrow of his brows. One last time your hands slid down his inner thighs scraping with your nails before you gently grabbed his swollen cock.

As you started to rub up and down JJ’s face twisted in fiery bliss. He was so close but so far. Watching him get absolutely demolished by something he did to you on a weekly basis had something deep in you stirring. As you came up on your high you started to rub harder and faster on him. His moans were unrecognizable at this point. You’d never heard him make those sounds before. They were deep and husk like. It would’ve sent you over the edge if you weren’t so focused on giving your boyfriend the time of his life.

One sharp trust later and JJ was spurring hot cum all over your hand and his stomach. Before your you removed your hand from his sensitive member and lifted it to your mouth and licked it all up you made sure to turn the vibrator on low as to not cause too much overstimulation. He attentively watched you preform all your actions as he was sure to get hard again after not having a proper orgasm in over a week.

His eyes widened as you resumed your thrust. “W-what are you doing?” He finally spoke.

“Good morning sunshine. How’d you sleep?” You menacingly taunted. If he wasn’t too fucked out to come up with a response he’d demand that you untie him immediately and let him maul you like a bear.

He whined as your slow speed made him feel like he was about to explode. You just laughed in his face as he would do to you.

“Baby, you wanna make mommy feel good don’t you? Hmm?” You asked reaching down to kiss him everywhere but the lips.

His submissive side was showing and you couldn’t savor enough of it. He mumbled a quiet, “yes.” That made your heart clench in awe.

You were careful not to cause too much overstimulation for him as it made him physically uncomfortable but just enough for you both to start sweating like bitches in heat.

You cranked the volume back up to full speed and everything was buzzing. Your head flew back in pleasure. You wanted, no needed JJ to be touching you. You rested deep inside of him while you untied his arms from the bed frame.

“Touch me JJ I need to feel your hands on me.” You eagerly demanded. JJ wasted no time in pulling you down to his level and kissing you like his life depended on it.

Your thrusts became sloppy at this angle so JJ hoisted you in place so the vibrator inside you was hitting directly the right spots. Your kisses mended with his to insure that neither of you knew who was breathing who’s air. Your hands hadn’t left JJ’s hips since your turn to finish and it was driving him crazy.

Just before you tipped over the edge JJ lifts up his head and says, “fuck, your so gorgeous.” And you were sent spiraling and cursing as your thrusts almost completely stopped and you realized JJ had came again without you even touching him or even acknowledging that he was there other than for your pleasure the second round.

You quickly shut all the vibrating devices off and removed your strap on. The thin layer of sweat covering your entire body was enough to make you chuckle at what just happened.

“I don’t think I give you enough credit J, that’s a lot harder than it looks.” You say lifting yourself from the bed.

“Yeah, well, I don’t wanna take all the credit,” he sarcastically murmured from his same spot as you untied his ankles.

“Oh ya, come on. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” You said dragging him from his middle of the bed antics.

When he finally tried to stand up from the side of the bed he immediately sat back down with widened eyes, “I don’t think I give you enough credit y/n, that’s a lot harder than it looks.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t wanna take all the credit,” you laughed back helping him up.

As you were cleaning each other up and washing each other in the shower he bent down and gave you a long slow kiss and clearly said, “I love you more.” With a smile on his face.

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lolitastories · 5 days ago

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I’ve Seen Prettier Blues

Pt.2

Thomas Shelby

I wasn’t going to tell my family anything about a certain interaction I had this morning before walking home. I felt the tension as soon as I stepped foot in the area, “Staying for good this time?” I turn around already with a huge smile on my face.

“I came on my own terms this time,” He chuckles, coming closer to where I was standing. “I see they finally trust you enough with a gun”

“What can I say, I’ve been working hard” I roll my eyes. “So nice to see you back home” Yeah, it was good to be back. “Come on, she must be dying to see you again” He places his arm over my shoulder, turning us around to continue walking. Paul was a childhood friend who was always beside me in my rebel years. Always pulling me back when I almost went too far. It was nice to see he hadn’t lost the smile I cherished so much.

“Look at you!” I hear a high squeal to our right with just enough time to prepare myself for the hug. “How pretty!” She laughs, pulling away to check out my dress. It was drying from the rain but although dirty, it was pretty.

“I’ll give it a good wash and it's all yours”

“Really?” She asks jumping.

“Yeah,” I nod while looking around. “Where’s mother?” I ask with my smile falling into a tight line. She gently calms down pointing over the same spot she always spends her time in. “I will come see you later” With a simple ok she runs off again, “Have they figured out what to do with her yet?” I turn my head towards Paul with a smirk.

“That's family business,” I knew he knew what was going on and if he didn’t the slight smile on his face told me he knew I would eventually tell him when I found out. “Glad you’re back” I send him a smile before heading up the steps and opening the door.

“Have you forgotten your manners or has America brought out your forgotten side?” I shake my head coming over to give her a hug.

“I’ve missed you too Zilpha,” She rubs my back before pulling back.

“Glad to have you back but am afraid you came at the wrong time” My eyebrows furrowed as we both moved over to take a seat. “You might have left before the war but you came back just in time for another to start”

“Shelbys?”

“Is it that obvious?” Well, yeah.

“Heard the boys talking about a horse and a personalized bullet they left him” She shakes her head in disapproval.

“Fucking tongues run quicker, they don’t give their brains a chance to catch up” She starts preparing a drink for us as she speaks, of course not alcohol. “Enough about petty war, tonight the Lees have something to celebrate” My smile faded into a forced one. I see the struggle she faces and it's not easy not being able to do something about it. She had taken me in after my parents passed and people here don’t know the difference between me and her children. Naturally she wanted me in the business saying women were better at controlling themselves than men, and I agree, but when she brought up the idea and opened my eyes to the gambling,illegal motion and killings, well I didn’t think I could be capable of such things. The night before I left she gave me an option to stay and if I didn’t want anything to do with the family business I could go back to America. Of course she wasn’t so harsh so she said I was welcomed back at any time but could never ask or get involved with the business, ever.

“I think I can handle a celebration” She laughed while handing me a drink. We spoke for a while before she had to leave. I went back to rest before nightfall. Taking my time to settle down and get some rest. Once I felt well rested it was time to get ready. I took a warm bath and picked out a good dress, enough to keep me warm but something that never let me be simple. As I walked out there was a fire lit. Music was already playing and people were already past the drunk phase. I smile feeling the same as before I left except now I don’t crave being with them. I have changed and I think for the best. I got a chance to teach kids in America and had to leave this lifestyle in the past. They deserved a good teacher so those kids could have better choices than dying. I spent a good hour within the group before leaving. When it reached the point where they didn’t remember their own name, I slipped out of their sight. Walking down the street of Birmingham I came to the side view of the Garrison once again.

“Oi, girl” My head turned before pulling open the front door. Thomas Shelby once again. Black coat covering his usual suit. Even under the dark sky his bright eyes were gleaming. I cleared my throat, turning my whole body to face him as he walked closer. “Care to take a walk?” He opens his coat and takes out a cigarette. He lights it and in a quick second he is exhaling the smoke. cigarettes.

“No,” I cleared my throat. Fiddling with my dress I took a step forward. “I should probably be heading home,” To be honest coming to the Garrison wasn’t a good idea and now having to face Thomas proved that point.

“Weren’t you going in?” He pointed slightly at the doors.My eyes tried to find an answer in the air and so my mouth let out the best excuse I could come up with.

“It’s late,” I look over to the pub's doors shaking my head, “I don’t even know why I decided to end up here” I hit my head jokenly, “I should get home” I go to turn but the sound of him clearing his throat stops me.

“I hope that is true because If I were to guess,” He takes a step forward, “You are running away from me,” I let out a nervous laugh.

“I didn’t want to make you think that Mr. Shelby” After another exhale of his cigarette right by my face I turned to look at the dark empty wall of the buildings.

“Are you scared of me?” I quickly shake my head. His presence moves closer and his hand moves north, gently trailing his thumb along my jaw. “Then why won’t you look at me?” I flicker my head back to look at him stunned.

“I don’t like cigarettes,” I whispered. I saw his eyes lift in surprise too but it quickly went away along with a small grin that had appeared.

“So,” His hand drops, taking a step back. “You don’t drink or smoke?” I shook my head but he didn’t say it like a question, he was trying to read who I was. “You are a virgin,” he whispered the last part looking somewhere else other than my eyes. “On a teacher's salary it seems you are one that is paid well looking at your dress,” Where was he going with this? I continue acting all naive and little but his tone is so demanding I could break character in a quick second. “Certainly educated in good schools,” He looks up to me slowly moving up my body. “Catholic?”

“Yes,”

“Hmm” nonchalantly he threw his cigarette on the floor.

“You?” Of course not. A man like Thomas Shelby has no religion. By the laugh he lets out the obvious but I was still trying to act.

“No” He moves around me, opening the pub’s door. “Do you mind a drink?” I turn my head over, raising an eyebrow. “I’d like some company again,” I look over beside the Garrison. I could easily make a run for it and not show my face around here again. Easily avoid him until he forgets he ever met me. “I won’t smoke,we will be in a private room so you won’t deal with anyone else smoking” Somehow when I looked into his eyes, my body moved forward on its own until we were sitting across from each other. The sound from outside is barely audible.

“Have you been doing well Mr. Shelby?” I lean back unable to stay comfortable under his steel look. He shakes his head grabbing on to his drink.

“You remember what I said the other night?” I flicker my eyes down to the table and back to his before nodding. “Good,” He leans back, taking another swing of his drink before setting it on the table once more. That night he made me promise to never let out anything we discuss in private. It wasn’t a threat what he said he would do if I ever did, it was a promise. “This morning the Lees left a trap for me,” What the fuck? “Almost killing my younger brother Finn” He gets up making the chair screech at his sudden movement. He goes over to a window and opens it. “Grace,” Now his voice was calm. “Get me a bottle of whiskey,” Grace obliged, setting one in front of him. As he grabs the bottle and returns to the table he continues talking but my mind is elsewhere. Although it's only been two times I can no longer put myself in this situation with Thomas Shelby, it wasn’t smart. He was a gangster who showed no mercy. What do I expect him to do when he finds out I am connected to the Lee’s? Why would Zilpha approve this? Then again in war all is fair. I blink away my thoughts focusing on what Thomas was saying. “You know,” He pointed over to me lazily, clearly the alcohol was getting to him. “How would you like to make some money?” How do I get out of this one? “I’m not asking for your virginity if that's what caused that look,” He set the bottle down on the table after his 4th sip. “I want you to accompany me to a party” A party? I couldn’t be seen with him in public

“That wouldn’t look respectable Mr.Shelby” I crossed my arms as I leaned back into my chair. His eyes fall but his mouth forms a small grin.

“Coming into a secluded room in a bar full of men isn’t respectable ethier, at least in a party it's public.”

“The difference between a public party and a bar is that the attendees at said party aren't drunk men who will probably end up in some alley.” By now they don’t even remember their own names. His chuckle allowed me to let out a sigh of relief.

“How about we meet there?” I noticed he hasn’t touched his bottle since he set it down. Him getting drunk was favorable right now. He would probably be one of those men to not remember the nights beside liquor, yet holding him back was a bad thing for me. If he continues drinking maybe his words would slur and I could slip away.

“You seem like a guy who likes to play games,” I said quietly thinking about a drink. His eyes playfully widened at my choice of words.

“You really haven’t heard of me” He leans forward as my eyes switch to his concern. “I am not known to play games” My body straightens, unable to figure out his next move. “But let's play” With an unsteady smile I cleared my throat standing up from my seat.

“I will agree to attend the party if you guess the ingredients of a certain drink,” His eyebrows raised in contemplation.

“I will give you some advice,” He stands from his chair and takes 2 strides towards me until he is standing in front of me looking down. “I know every drink in this bar, are you sure you want to play?” Now I was contemplating my actions but I couldn’t back up now. I stood up straighter, not squirming by his sudden closeness.

“Yes.” My eyes confidently look into his bright eyes and a smirk appears on his face. He nods okay and takes a step back and lets me through. My hand shakenly, somehow finds the door and my legs walk towards the bar.

“I’d say I’m surprised but Tommy has a way of making people want to drink,” I smile gently, shaking my head.

“Ward 8” I let out. “Nice to see you again Harry,” He smiles, turning to pour the drink. “With-”

“Irish Whiskey,” He grinned, grabbing the bottle. “Tommy would have a fit with another brand.” ¿A fit? Heard stories of his fits, certainly don’t want to be the cause of one. I watch him pour and mix until he settles the glass in front of me.

“Olives?” Harry smiles spreads rushing to the back and coming back with two. “That one.” I pointed to the smaller one. “Sweet and Citrusy”

“Can I give you some advice?” I grab hold of the glass before looking at him. I nod slowly, “He is kind on the inside, war changes a man” I didn’t know what he wanted me to do with this information. He knew where I was from and who I was linked to.

“Thanks Harry,”He sends me a nod before I walk into the private room. I place the glass in front of him but before he lifts the cup I grab hold of his wrist. “I have other conditions for the games,” He lets go of the glass and gives me his full attention. I nod letting go of his wrist and taking a seat once again. “I don’t know you well Mr.Shelby,” Clearly his face states. “So for every ingredient you get wrong I get to ask you a question-,” He lets out a quick chuckle. “Along with losing of course I won't attend the party with you,” His smile fades a bit but it falls into a grin.

“And if I guess every single ingredient you go to the party with me and-” Fuck. His icy blue eyes move closer leaning in. “For every ingredient, you will agree to do anything I say.” Double fuck.

“Deal.” I extend my hand which he laughs at first but quickly shakes. He leans back, grabbing the glass and bringing it to his lips. “Whiskey,” His eyes never leave mine as he takes another sip. “Lemon, grenadine,-” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion. I see his gears turning trying to find his words.

“Tommy!” Our heads turn on hearing a voice from the other side of the door before that voice barged in. “Tommy” His searching eyes found Thomas and flicker quickly to me but only for a second. “We need to go-” The man quickly turns around and leaves. Thomas settles the glass down and is quick to pick up his suit jacket.

“Mr.Shelby-” Why was I talking right now?!. His eyes shoot up staring at me with no emotions on them. I felt like a little kid begging for another ice cream because the last one fell. My lips fall into a line waiting for him to just walk away.

“There was a citrus taste in there,” He places his hat back on. “Sweet and sour” I bit my lips holding back a grin. He fixes the front of his suit as he walks closer to me. Leaning down a bit. I won’t lie and say I didn’t feel my whole body starting to burn. His eyes alone were stealing my ability to breathe. “Orange.” He grins like he just won. My eyes taunt him.

“Tommy!” The man returned, making me flinch. I wasn’t able to look at the door since Thomas’s body was blocking the way.

“Olive” Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. All the hopes fall. I had to look the man in the eyes and come up with a lie, but he wasn’t a man you can easily lie to.

“The party will count as 1” He smiles before turning around and walking out along with the man who barged in. I place my heart over my chest as it wouldn’t settle down even after hearing the doors close. As I walk out at night I carry everything that has happened in the past two nights. Meeting Thomas Shelby was certainly not the worst thing, but also not what I needed.

Pt. 3

#reader #y/n #yn #thomas shelby smut #thomas shelby #tommy shelby smut #cillian murphy #peaky blinders #tommy shelby #thomas shelby imagine #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby fanfic #thomas shelby x you #smut

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keelt9 · 1 month ago

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Chapter 10

Masterlist

Max kept his promise, he texted me from time to time, even wished us luck on the meeting of Friday morning, which went successfully.

The owner was so pleased to know his farm will be used for something helpful and agreed right away, we settled the sale in three days.

Two weeks passed as I’m getting used to a new routine in Newport and London, building a new home.

Emma is sitting with me under the lemon tree as we observe how the widows are placed.

“Do you like them?” Emma asked, tilting her head like she could read my house.

“They’re perfect.” The loud sound of a truck distracted us.

Today the stones that will be on the wall that Thomas insisted it had reinforced at the back and put some on the front just arrived.

Thomas and Emma have always been so clear, while things are loaded or unloading I must remain in my safe spot, but from time to time, I’m really curious and tend to walk around…

Mika is standing at the door close, waiting; Thomas and I observe her, and she observes her watch tapping her feet.

When the door opened one of her workmates entered with a cordial smile to her but hard eyes to us.

“Well…” Dr. Hanks walked to the negatoscope to see X-Rays, putting two of the four images of my arm. “It’s broken.”

Mika bluffs as Thomas and I close our eyes, knowing the killing eyes are behind us.

“Here and here.” The doctor pointed out that my arm broke in two parts. “That’s why the pain and the swelling.” He changed to the last X-Rays. “Fortunately, I expect there’s not much damage in your arm, Miss Hamilton.”

“That’s god right?” I innocently asked, winning the scoff of the doctor.

“It’s broken Y/N, it’s not good at all.” Mika said like she’s reading doctors' minds.

The doctor smiles, he clearly knows the temperament of Mika. “You have a cast at least at the end of the autumn.”

“What?!” Thomas and I scream at the unison.

“No, no, I mean, I have a big presentation at the end of the summer and a lot of things to do after that.” I grab my arm, the analgesic starts to fade away. “I need to be fine at the beginning of autumn.”

The doctor shook his head. “I’m sorry Miss Hamilton, it’s a fracture.”

I laid down my head against the desk, feeling the cold of the crystal; making plans of somethings I don’t even begin.

Flogging a dead horse.

After another hour of check ups, I finally was able to go home… with Thomas sticking to my side.

I know it’s my fault, Thomas was pretty clear about walking around as moving big heavy rocks, very dangerous. Even though I insisted I’ll keep within the limits, I got distracted, leaning on the stone wall, but the rocks weren't secure; two of them fell, landing on my left arm.

Mom looked at me with anger but compassionate eyes. “I’m so sorry Thomas, you should call us and we won't interrupt you.”

“It’s part of my fault, I can’t do that.” Thomas apologized one more time.

“Here.” Dad enters the living room with a glass of water for my medicines. “Don’t say that Thomas, Y/N is aware it’s on her, right honey?”

“Of course, Thomas don’t worry, I own you a big one after all.” I smile at him, grabbing his hand, making him smile.

After he was gone, mom asked me if I would tell my siblings about my arm, but I hate to make people worry about me or have pity, even though I know they probably scold me too for being so careless.

“No, I mean Lewis arrived tomorrow so he’ll know.” I laid down on the bed with my mom's help. “It’s useless to worry the rest.”

“So stubborn.” Mom said, kissing my head before going to the door. “Try to rest honey, anything you need to call us.”

I smile seeing her closing the door, I see my phone light one, Max is calling.

“Don’t look at me like that.” Lewis is sitting in the dining room with a serious face and arms across. “You already know.”

“I’ll call Mika.” He stands with phone in his hand dialing the number of Mika, probably to know if it’s all safe for me to travel.

Roscoe walks with Lewis, head rising. “Oh, you too?”

Mika told Lewis it’s ok I’ll travel but I must be really careful with my arm and in two weeks coming back for another X-Ray making sure the shoulders it’s out of risk, which coincide with the last week of vacation before the race week of Zandvoort.

He makes sure me and my arm are safe all the time. After a quick flight we arrived in Paris, where he was right there weren't so many cameras pointing at me, all pointing to Roscoe and him.

Roscoe is a famous dog, everyone knew that but it’s the first time in years, he will be a full ambassador of guess what? Vegan snacks.

That’s why they brought me with them, took a break from the work and like me, seeing how much Roscoe loved his snacks.

After two days of shooting the shelter project came out in a casual conversation, with good results. They said if Roscoe is involved they will be glad to be part of it.

The first posts in the social accounts pop up, the reception was excellent, all expecting what Roscoe is involved in.

In one of the photos Roscoe was lying down on my lap, everything looks fine until you can clearly see my cast and my face looking down at Roscoe.

One photo triggered a huge wave of messages from my family, friends, my brother teammates, the drivers I’ve known and a few people I barely know.

I thought Max would be one of the first who would call me or text me but he didn’t; instead his messages and calls become more erratic and sharp for weeks. When he calls something changes in his voice and barely mentions something about his day or wants to know more than I’m willing to tell him.

I’m not a fool, I know he barely knows anything about my accident even though I didn't mention it to him, his frustration this time came in short and sharp messages and calls.

The day of my check up, Dr. Hank told us the shoulders seem right, just a small swelling but with the meds and the proper care will pass in a few weeks, the arm well, the prediction doesn't change at all.

“For receiving such good news, you seem pretty upset.” Mika said, watching me as we sat in the cafeteria of the hospital.

“I don’t get it.” I whisper with my lips sticking to my bottle of water. “I don't want… I mean, the race is next week, why should I make him worry?”

Mika smirks. “Oh.” As she lays down, her next shift it’s in two hours, we both know we have time.

“It doesn’t make sense, why do I feel so uneasy?” When I raise my eyes, she has that side smile, arms over the table. “Damn it, I know, I know baby steps.”

“Can I ask you a question?” I heard her as I tossed my hair a sign of frustration. “Which pass will you use?” I narrow my eyes. “The Mercedes pass or Red Bull pass?”

I scoff laid back with an arm cross. “I won’t go.” Mika nods. “I’m being serious.” She takes the last sip of her tea.

“Let’s go, the physiotherapist is waiting for you.” Mika already scheduled an appointment for me with the physiotherapist, so he can be on the day of my arm.

She stands with a smile on her face. “Mika, I’m talking seriously.”

The first two days of the race week passed dreadfully slowly, working on the last details of the presentation doesn’t help at all, the meeting is scheduled in two weeks with the green light of all the investment, it’s time to put it to work.

Thomas has a big smile when he enters my parents house. “Big news, big news. We made it, the painting room is fine and secure.”

He sat down next to me, looking at my computer. “Do you have a slide with a lot of question marks?”

I blink realizing my mind is another part. “What?” I look down a full slide with question marks on the screen. “Oh, no, I was distracted, what do you say?”

Thomas smiles repeating his words. “But I guess that is not so thrilling for the way your mind is in another part, right?” One more time until he touched my arm I realized I was thinking of another person.

“Mika told me about your indecision.” I giggle at how something seems to work perfectly.

One week ago Thomas and Mika made their relationship official, they're officially boyfriend and girlfriend, a happy couple, annoying in a cute way.

“It’s not indecisions.” Thomas scoffs, as I close my laptop. “Why would he be mad? I mean, I don’t tell him anything.”

Thomas shakes his head. “Maybe it’s for that reason.” He takes a deep breath. “Don’t you think you're threatening him like another driver on the grid?”

I opened my mouth but he didn’t let me speak. “After shearing such intimate days, well, I bet it must be pretty nasty that the person you like shut you down so harshly. And no, that’s nothing to do with the baby steps, it’s about putting him aside.”

“I got scared.” Thomas blinked before I laid down my head. “After the photo came out, Lewis and I arrived at Monaco. I had bouquets of flowers from Bottas, Nico and Mercedes team, bags of snacks from Checo and Yuki. Even Charles, Alexa and Leo send me a few things I could need for keeping entertained.” I lift my eyes seeing more bouquets here in London. “This from family and friends, all wishing me a fast recovery.”

“I don’t get it.” Thomas asks, looking at my eyes.

A sad smile appears on my face. “I’m aware of how many people worry about me and I’m grateful, but with Max, it’s different. Caleb showed me how unsafe and unsteady you could be with someone who swore you love you.”

Thomas grabs my hand in a way of support. “I met Max a month ago, after our crashing meeting, there isn’t a moment I’m with him where I don't feel safe and protected.” I bit the inside of my cheek. “What if…what if I made the same mistake?”

“Y/N.” He used the same tone when he met me in my hotel room after we announced we canceled the wedding.

“I lived with Caleb, I saw him every day. I won’t see Max every day, I could miss the moment he stopped feeling this way, I’m scared of losing him.” A tear slipped and Thomas hugged me tight.

“I saw him, yeah, Mika doesn't believe in the fact that eyes can tell you more than words, she and her hard head.” Both of us giggled. “But I don’t know, I think I know what you see in him.” He spits, grabbing my face. “I’m confident you’re not that love blind, anymore.”

I giggle hugging him one more time. “I don't think I’m going anyway.”

“Oh my word!” Thomas complained.

Through every photo of Zanndovrt you can see orange, it’s Max's home race.

Even when they got the result expected, Max had a lot of disapproval and troubles with the car, that you can hear and see when he’s been questioned about the race, plus his onboard leave it clear.

“What a no surprise?” Mika said as she entered her doctor’s practice after a 6 hour surgery.

She sits in her chair stretching her arms and legs, the cracking of her bones make me shiver. “I mean, I found Dr. Hank on my way here, he told me, "you come early to your monthly consultation.”

“I’m going to Monza.” Mika smirks. “I’m taking, just for this situation, a 355 km/hrs path.”

Seeing Max frustrate, the fact when I tried to called him, he just text me back <It isn’t a good moment, I’ll text you back.> Made me feel angry with myself, I mean, who the hell expects he trusts me if I don’t do the same.

“Right.” Mika nods, spinning in her chair. “You count with me, ok? Just be careful.”

I nod as I raise my bag with all I’ll need for the trip. “I have all the cover, don’t worry. And yes, I’ll call you if I need something.”

Mika bluffs seeing my arm cast but my smile grows bigger. “Warn him, if he plays with you…”

I laugh and go to hug Mika by the neck. “I love you so much.”

The Autodromo Nazionale Monza is painted red and yellow, the Ferraris are the center of all the attention, last race from them was pretty great, a few issues on the pit stop complicate the race, they probably could have a tight fight with the bulls.

With the VIP pass of Mercedes I walk all over the paddock; the adrenaline is palpable but my mind is focused on one thing: Find Max Verstappen.

It’s the day of free practice 1, so things are calm. Lewis told us he won’t be in the car today so, as soon as I arrived at the hospitality, the Mercedes crew recognized me. It took 3 seconds to have Lewis in front of me.

In the middle of a hug, he told me I must warn him that I'll probably come, he could make sure I’ll travel with all the facilities.

“Actually, I came for two reasons.” I said as he splits looking at me with narrow eyes.

“The gossip is true.” Rosa announces herself as looks at me with tender eyes. “Do you need something?” She pointed to my arm and my sling.

“Oh, no, I’m fine.” I feel Lewis eyes on me. “Do you mind if I stole him for a while?”

Rosa shakes her head. “He already appears on T.V, tomorrow won’t be possible. We need him in the car.”

Lewis giggled as I took him to the rooftop for a talk in calm. As the practice ended my resumed version of the story ended too.

“I knew it.” I tilt my head. “Max seems really bothered by the fact I comment so lightly about the arm.”

Lewis closed his eyes, crossing his arms. “Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.” Lewis looked right to my eyes for a couple of seconds before smiling softly at me and grabbing my hand.

“Either way, I won’t be easy with him.” I laughed holding his hand too. “You know when crumbles of suspicion begin this only becomes bigger, right?”

“Lew, all my life I've been living surrender by the fuss of being a Hamilton.” I smirk laid back on the sofa. “The question is, will he be ready?”

A pure laugh surrounded us. “God, this is the sentimental part of being the older brother I don’t like at all. Just please until all this comes to the light, be here with me, ok?”

“Lewis…” He shakes his head, not willing to negotiate.

“Just until that moment, please.” We heard the noises down there increase the cars getting into the garage. “Let me protect you this time.”

I smile at him nodding. “You always do.”

When the day comes to an end, my heartbeat increases, the nervousness and anticipation runs through my veins; after all, it’s the first time I’ll go to him.

I walk outside of the building feeling my trembling hands, going to the garage where Lewis told me Red Bull is still working, on my way I feel suspicious eyes over me; the hoodie I’m wearing doesn’t help at all.

Max is coming out of the garage suit at the level of his waist, a Red bull in his left hand as his team keeps showing him a few papers and cell phones are recording him; but his posture sparks off tension.

I stop dry at the level of Mercedes garage, hesitate if I should go right to him or wait all calm around him. Just in that moment our eyes crossed.

Max's eyes turn bigger, he’s clearly surprised but any sign of a smile appears on his face, like time froze. Max waited a couple of seconds before talking with his team, apparently he said something that made his team walk past me by focusing on what they’re seeing or reading.

He waits a couple of seconds before walking to me, in his face confusion and relief.

“What are you doing here?” Max asked, his voice was low but clearly affected to see me like this.

“Lately you seem kind of distant. I don’t want another excuse for a short answer.” I raise my eyebrows faking carelessness.

Max looked right to my eyes before seeing my arm. “I didn't ignore you, it's just…” He scratches his neck trying to find the words. “I’m mad.”

“I know, it seems you have trou…” Max bluffs, laying back his head.

“I’m mad because you didn't tell me about that.” He points to my arm. “I found it in a picture.”

I feel exposed when I see his eyes, Thomas is right, he’s hurt. “The holidays were about to end. You have to focus on the races.”

The sarcastic laugh is painful. “There is something more that bothers me.” I play with my fingers. “That you even think you could distract me; that I’m not someone who you can tell important things.” Max grip became tight in his can. “I don’t have to be the pilot all the time. I also can be here for you Y/N.”

I bite my lip. “I’m here for you, remember, hold on tight?”

His confession took me by surprise, seeing his vulnerable side of Max is something I haven't witnessed before.

The silence turned more dense, full of unsaid things. I take a step to him and question myself if holding his hand will be the right thing to do. “That’s why I’m here, to make things clear. Believe me or not, I’m here for you Max.”

Max breathed out. “I was scared, but seeing you and your honest concern about me, it’s more than enough.” I grab his hand. “Thank you so much.”

Max doesn’t say another word, he just stares at me. “I get it, take your time, ok, I’ll wait.” I stand on my tip toes to give him a peck on his cheek.

But he tingled our fingers pulling me for a hug. “I’m glad that you’re here. I didn’t expect it… but I need it.”

A side to side smile appears on my face as he smiles too. “Still I don’t mind a compliment.”

Max choke his head, I lift my broken arm. A “Simple Lovely” hoodie. “Believe Lewis was red when he saw it on me.”

Mas eyes lights on giggling but he looks at the pass. “Yeah, that’s not the right one.”

I laugh seeing the Mercede VIP pass on my neck. “Hey, this will take time.”

In a useless attempt to take my hand back, he grips it tighter. “Are you ok?” He see my arm.

“It was a pretty silly way of fracture, but I’m ok, it will take a while to heal but I’ll be fine.” One more time I pull my hand but he smiles and holds it tight.

“Max.” I giggled but he left his can on the floor before helping me to set one more time sling on my arm.

“Are you here full race?” I nod. “You’ll be in my garage?” He asked, side eyes as he took his can.

“Can you make me change my mind in one night?” Max has a side smile, with his cheek in a soft pink. “Oh my word! No!”

Both of us laughed. “That’s cheating. You know I have to go to sleep earlier, the car is giving us trouble so, I need to be fresh for tomorrow.”

Of course I know, but I’m playing with him. “Such bad luck.” I click my tongue. “Maybe next time, now, if you don’t mind I need my healthy hand for leaving.”

He just had time to open his mouth before closing it again when we heard someone shooting his name, searching for him.

“Go, they are looking for you. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Max moved his eyes to me and in the hallways behind me.

“Fuck!” He reluctantly let go of my hand scratching his nose.

“There you are!” Rupert appears with a relieved expression. “Oh, Y/N, omg, what happened?”

“Maybe it’s broken.” Rupper looks at Max bluffing for his sarcastic answer.

“So funny Max, let’s go, we have to go.” Rupert wishes me a quick recovery before they leave, Max dragging his feets on the ground, like a kid.

A few minutes after I entered my hotel room, the soft knocks at my door called for my attention.

Max in black pants and t-shirt is holding a paper bag, he didn’t give me any chance to talk, looking at both sides of the hallway, put the bag on my hands and go chuckling all the way until the lift.

Just two seconds were enough for him to come running back, stop, give me a soft peck on my cheek. “See you tomorrow.”

I wait until the lift closes with him inside, I put it on the table taking out the paper on the top.

A lot of snacks and under it, 3 different hoodies of his clothing line, all have the lion on the middle of it, one of them had a small post it.

I take notes on my mind too, Max loves to write small notes.

..............................................................................................................................

A/N: It’s Mexico GP! 💀

#f1 #f1 imagine #formula 1 #max verstappen #max verstappen x reader #f1 x reader #f1 fanfic #f1 x female reader #max verstappen imagine #lewis hamilton #mercedes #sir lewis hamilton

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bleucaesura · 7 months ago

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STOLITZØ - SIXTY - NINE

Blitzø pulled back from his hug with Stolas and wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

“It’s ok to cry in front of me, darling.” Stolas reached out a hand to touch his face.

Blitzø pulled up the hood of his horse hoodie, drew the strings tight so that his face was covered and only his nose and mouth could be seen.

“Don’t wanna.” Blitzø tied the strings in a bow, sat on the floor, grabbed his knees and flopped over on his side in the fetal position.

“Eez embarrassing.” He mumbled.

Stolas snorted and tried not to laugh.

Blitzø curled tighter into himself.

“Oh, darling.” He scooped Blitzø up into his arms. “You never have to be embarrassed in front of me.”

He kissed Blitzø on his horse hooded head and cradled him in his arms until he relaxed enough to untie the strings.

Stolas slipped a finger under the hood edge and pulled it open.

“Feeling a little better?”

Blitzø blushed and avoided eye contact.

“I guess…”

“Good!” Stolas nuzzled his neck until he laughed and pushed him off.

“Enough! That tickles!”

Stolas smiled.

Blitzø rolled his eyes.

“So, uh…” Blitzø looked away and scratched his cheek. “What is it that we’re supposed to talk about, you think?”

Stolas raised an eyebrow.

“Well. We’ve been trapped here to ‘sort our shit out’. What do you think that means?”

Stolas shrugged.

“I supposed we did a better job at taking things slow and remaining awkward around each other than we thought.” He chuckled.

Blitzø snorted.

“We didn’t speak to them about any of our conversations so they don’t know where we stand.”

“I guess you’re right.” Blitzø rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

“If I may ask.” Stolas cleared his throat. “Where DO we stand?”

“Other than your foyer?”

Stolas glared at him.

“Okay okay!” Blitzø put up his hands defensively and chuckled. “Serious conversation. Gotcha.”

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before continuing.

“I don’t know what the future holds, Stolas. And Satan knows I’m a f*cking dumpster heap, trash fire waiting to happen... I’ll probably f*ck this up.”

“Darling, don’t say that.” Stolas cupped Blitzø’s face in his hand.

“But.” Blitzø wrapped his arms around Stolas’s neck. “I want my future to have you in it. A ‘you and I’ in it… Does that make sense?”

Stolas smiled tenderly and gave Blitzø a light kiss on the lips.

“Perfect sense.”

Blitzø grinned and pulled Stolas in for a proper kiss. No quick pecks for him.

Blitzø felt Stolas’s feathers fluff under his hands.

That’s more like it…

Stolas abruptly pulled away.

“What the?” Blitzø grumbled.

“Sorry, darling.” Stolas laughed nervously. “But I know if I let that continue then the evening will be over before it starts.”

Blizø grinned mischievously, running his fingers through Stolas’s feathers and gripping them tightly. Stolas shivered.

“And that would be a bad thing… WHY?”

“Blitzø.” Stolas said breathily. “You have no idea how much I wish to continue with this line of thought.” He cleared his throat and composed himself. “But I had something else in mind… At least to start the evening.”

Blitzø snorted and heaved an overly dramatic sigh.

“Fiiiiiiiiiine.” He let himself go limp and dangled in Stolas’s arms. “I’ll just waste away in your arms from lack of sex.”

Stolas hooted in laughter and started to walk down the hall.

“I promise to make it up to you, darling.” Stolas leaned over and whispered in Blizø’s ear; heat and power licking off his next words. “It’ll be worth the wait.”

Blitzø shivered. He looked up at Stolas. His eyes were glowing a delicious red.

Blitzø swallowed hard, wrapped his arms around Stolas’s neck and nodded.

“Good.” Stolas grinned. He adjusted Blitzø in his arms and made his way down the hall again. “Off we go then!”

“Where are we going?�� Blitzø didn’t bother to look around. He was too busy staring at Stolas and imagining the faces he was going to make the bird make later tonight.

“The study.” Stolas didn’t seem to notice Blitzø's burning gaze. “There’s something I never did get the chance to give you.”

That snapped Blitzø back to reality.

“The crystal.” He breathed.

Blitzø hadn’t thought of the crystal in weeks. Hadn’t thought of first seeing it and his heart breaking. Hadn’t thought about the accident, the darkness, the… The dreams?

His heart started pounding.

Stolas waved open the study doors, startling Blitzø.

“Yes. The crystal.” Stolas crossed to his desk and placed Blitzø standing on his chair. He leaned back on his desk, crossing his legs at his ankles.

Stolas reached out behind him and slid the box containing the crystal over to his side with delicate fingers.

Blitzø watched with wide-eyes and his hands clasped and his chest.

“I’d still like you to have this, Blitzø.” Stolas held the box in his hands, looking down at it. “Now that you know what it means… I hope that you’ll accept it.”

Blitzø swallowed hard.

F*ck… I wish I had something to give him….

He wiped his hands down his sides trying to get rid of the sweat.

Why don’t I have anything to give him? I should have f*cking got him somethi-

Blitzø felt something in his pocket.

What… What IS this…?

He reached into his pocket, wrapping his hand around the lump he’d felt there.

He pulled his hand out, clenched in a fist. He slowly opened his fist.

Blitzø’s heart jumped into his throat.

“Blitzø?” Stolas put the box down and reached out to him. “Darling? Are you ok?”

“I…” Blizø’s hands shook and tears began to stream down his face. “I thought…”

Blitzø looked up at Stolas through tear-filled eyes.

“It was real, Stolas!” Blitzø beamed, crying happily. “It wasn’t a dream!”

“What was real?” Stolas was so confused.

Blitzø grabbed Stolas’s hands.

“Look!” He placed something in Stolas’s hands.

Stolas looked down at the object in his hands.

“The moon.” Stolas breathed. Tears stung his eyes.

“My mom says hi.” Blitzø choked on his tears through laughter and threw his arms around Stolas’s neck.

Stolas hugged him tightly, letting himself cry.

“You’re right, dear.” He smiled as he cried. “It wasn’t a dream.”

***

#helluva boss #blitzø #stolas #stolitz #vivzieverse #vivziepop #fanfic #vivienne medrano #blitzo #brandon rogers #helluva boss fanfiction #stolitz angst #stolitz fanfic #helluva boss stolitz #blitz #blitzø x stolas #blitz x stolas

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photo1030 · 2 years ago

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Leather and Lace - Chapter 12: Drunken Silliness

Summary: After an evening of drinking, you and Arthur both acknowledge your feelings...just not to each other.

Warnings: Swearing; usual fluffy & slight angst; Approx reading time is 30 min +/-

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

*This wonderful image is not mine. This comes from u/Reasonable_Emu2449. Found on reddit!

You can hear Sean and Karen arguing from where you are sitting under the tree reading your favorite book. You try not to overhear them, but its hard to ignore. Something about one being "immature" and the other being "demanding". You discreetly look up from your pages and watch as they both wave their arms about wildly, hurling insults at each other, more than a few of which cause you to wince in their severity. It doesn't take long before Karen storms off in a huff and muttering to herself, effectively putting an end to the argument, and leaving Sean to stand by there by himself speechless (a rare sight in itself).

As she stalks off, Karen notices you and immediately changes her trajectory to make a bee-line in your direction. "Y/N! I need a drink. You wanna come?" she hollers, jerking her head towards the hitching posts.

"Umm..." you stammer, being put on the spot.

"Sure you do, come on!" She waves at you to get up before you can even answer her with a 'yes or no'.

"Oh, uh, OK..", you reply quickly and unfold your legs to scamper to your feet and follow her to the horses.

When you get to the posts, you quickly tuck your book that you still have in your hand into your saddlebag and proceed to get Blue ready to leave. Karen angrily yanks on the leather strapping of Old Belle's tack, causing the mare to nicker and sway slightly before she slings herself into the saddle. "You ready?" she asks you impatiently, already turning her horse to the path that leads out of camp, desperate to get out as quickly as possible. "Right behind you," you confirm as you mount up, and Blue is quick to canter on to catch up to Old Belle.

The ride in to town is relatively quick. Fortunately, Karen is sulking too much to rant on the way there and keeps quiet. And smartly, you just let her be. You're about to drown your sorrows in alcohol, so you figure it best to let her pout in peace and not get her stirred up any more than she already is. Thankfully by the time you get into town and over to the saloon, Karen has calmed down for the most part. The two of you hop down from your respective mounts and get them hitched. "Pray for me, Handsome," you whisper to Blue with a grin as you lovingly pat his neck. The silver-colored horse nuzzles you affectionately with a quiet nicker then watches you bounce up the steps behind Karen and through the saloon's swinging doors.

Karen finds you two stools next to each other at the bar and immediately waves the barkeep over. "Two beers and keep 'em comin'!" she tells the man as she sets herself upon one of the smooth wooden seats. You settle in next to her and gratefully accept the cool bottle from the bartender. You both sit in silence for a few minutes, each taking alternating swigs of beer before you start to broach the subject of Mr. Sean McGuire.

"So..." you start tentatively. "Things not going so well with Sean, I take it?" And with that, the floodgates open as Karen proceeds to unload the burden of her frustrations off her chest.

"I love his boyish charm, but I can’t stand his childishness!" Karen finally concludes in a huff after a fifteen minute tirade. "Does that make any sense?" she asks, then sits for a moment in deep thought. "I don't know...He's fun and all. I guess I could do a lot worse," shrugs Karen. "Do you think I settled?" she turns to you, the exasperation pulled back just a bit from her voice now.

"No, I think you gave in," you snicker, giving her an impish grin. "Sean will wear a girl down eventually. I'm just glad he's fixated on you and not me!"

"Oh, there's a reason for that," she says smugly, taking another sip of her beer as she raises a knowing eyebrow at you.

"What do you mean?" you ask her, puzzled.

"I think any man in that camp is going to think twice about approaching you seriously as long as Arthur is around."

You just shrug, oblivious to her meaning. "He is protective," you nod in agreement. "But that's what he does. He looks out for all of the girls in camp." As you say this, Karen halts in her movements, her beer bottle half-raised to her pouty lips, and looks at you like you're crazy. 'Dear God, is she messin' with me, or does she really have no idea?' thinks Karen.

"Well, what about you and Arthur, then?" Karen narrows her eyes at you suspiciously. "Come on, you can tell me. What's goin' on there?", she asks with a curious grin as she bumps your shoulder with her own to try to egg you on in the conversation. You give her a confused look, shaking your head as if you have no idea what she's talking about, as you quickly take a gulp from your own beer bottle to try to avoid answering the question. But Karen is not going to give up on this juicy topic so easily now that it has presented itself. For this is a subject that the girls have been whispering about for awhile now, and Karen just can't resist prying at the open door.

“Ohhhh, no," scolds Karen. "If I have to talk about my dysfunctional relationship with Sean McGuire, then you have to dish about your undefined one with Arthur Morgan," she challenges.

“We’re just friends, that’s all," you say dismissively, rolling your eyes with another shrug.

Karen leans in closer to your face to catch you in the eye. "Do you want it to be more than that, (Y/N)?" You sit there for a moment looking into her beautiful, sweet face, not sure how to answer. You don't want things to get complicated with Arthur, but yet, you can't bring yourself to lie about your continually growing affections for a certain cowboy, either. When you don’t answer, Karen's eyes light up excitedly. “I knew it!” she exclaims, slapping her hand on the bar.

You slowly close your eyes and sigh sadly. "That’s not something he wants, though."

"You two talked about it, then?" she asks you, surprised by your answer.

"No, not directly," you reply sheepishly, looking down at the bottle in your hands.

Karen clicks her tongue in disappointment. "Honey, I love Arthur and all, but when it comes to romance, he’s a box of rocks." She pauses to take a quick swig of beer before continuing on. "I mean, personally, I don’t get it. He’s kind of awkward and odd-looking if you ask me."

"Oh, I don’t think so," you answer quickly as you look back up at her. "I think he’s handsome and strong. And he’s not awkward, he’s…quiet, observant even. He’s a lot smarter than people give him credit for, too," you gush. You feel like a teenage girl with a dreamy smile upon your lips as you talk about your crush. You didn't realize just how much you wanted to talk about Arthur like this with someone else until now. It feels good to finally vocalize what you've been internalizing for awhile.

"Ooo, you sound like a woman who’s got it bad!" Karen cackles excitedly as she swats your arm.

But just as quickly as your giddiness began, it drops in disappointment. "Doesn’t matter, though," you say with a slight shake of your head. "Men like Arthur aren’t interested in a woman like me."

Karen's face scrunches up and she looks at you as if you've just uttered the stupidest thing ever. "You mean a man with a penis?", she asks you sarcastically, causing you to choke on your sip of beer, and leading you to quickly cover your mouth to catch the dribble of amber liquid that falls down your chin. "What are you talkin' about?" Karen blurts out. "What the hell is that even supposed to mean, (Y/N)?"

Despite this feeling that has stewed within you for years, way before this moment, you have to sit for a second and try to articulate your thought process on this subject. "Arthur is strong, independent, and rugged. Men like that never show any interest in me. I’m always 'a friend'. I think I’m too outspoken, too inappropriate for most men." You pause for a moment, looking at yourself in the mirror that hangs behind the bar as if confirming it to yourself. "I don’t know my place. Well, I suppose my place is to take care of them, as that seems to be all that I'm ever needed for."

Karen sits quietly and lets you finish speaking, just smirking at you. When you are done, she purses her lips as if deciding just how to answer you. "OK, first of all, I don’t think you know what in the hell you’re talking about. Second, I’ve seen the way that man looks at you, the way he’s always fussing over you. And I’ve never seen him get on with anyone the way he does with you, (Y/N)."

“That’s just it, Karen. I think we are good friends because we both know nothing is going to come of it. There’s no pressure there. We can just...be,” you finish with a slight flourish of your hand to indicate how simple you think the answer is. "And besides, if we ever seem to come close to that point, he always puts a stop to it. That's why I don't think he wants to head down that path with me." You cast your gaze back down to the bottle in your hands again, a sinking feeling in your gut from finally admitting the truth. "But you know what? That's fine," you add after a brief moment. "I'd rather know him and be friends, than try to be together and have it end with him hating or resenting me. Because I just couldn't bear that," as you shake your head at the very thought of it.

Karen is pensive for a brief moment, processing what you've just told her. Her demeanor changes to a much softer tone, now, her anger towards Sean long forgotten. She is full of empathy for your obvious confliction and self-doubt. "Listen," she says as she rests her hand upon your arm. "For what its worth, I don’t think Arthur likes you in spite of those things, (Y/N). I think he likes you because of them. He already had the perfect woman, and look how that turned out. Let me tell you, not so perfect." She leans into you in earnest, trying to get the idea through that stubborn head of yours. You nod in contemplation, mulling over her observation. Could she be right?

And so, you and Karen proceed to drink your worries away. It feels good to confide your inner-most thoughts to someone who isn't Arthur for a change. Especially when some of those thoughts are about him in particular. The two of you laugh and tell stories, the wall of 'prim and proper' coming crashing down as the two of you relax and enjoy the atmosphere. The saloon is getting busier now as the afternoon sun begins its decent for the day. The amber glow of the candles in the wall scones, coupled with the music of the piano-player in the corner, is putting everyone at ease. There seems to be little-to-no tensions with the other patrons, so a bar-fight, thankfully, seems avoidable today. Some of the people have even started to dance with the music, creating a most-jovial setting indeed. And you finally let your guard down and allow a calm to settle over you.

As the comforts of alcohol take hold, the two of you eventually start to talk about men and swap your stories. "I had a guy once, all he would do is twist 'em," Karen points casually at her own breasts, "like he was trying to crack a safe open!" She rolls her beautiful doll-eyes and shakes her head. You laughed at the reference, nodding in understanding. "I know! What is with the obsession?!" you exclaim. "And they're always complaining that they need a 'big chest' on a woman! Really, all they need is at least a handful, a definite mouthful. Anything after that, they don’t even know what they're doing with it," and you take another swig of your beer to accent your point. Karen cracks up, slapping her hand on her knee, as she knows exactly what you're talking about, as she is pretty well endowed in that area herself.

But eventually, Karen's antics calm down a bit as if she is distracted by a new thought in her beautiful blonde head. "OK, so you’re not attached to Arthur, then, right?" asks Karen with a sly grin.

"Correct," you nod to her in confirmation, taking yet another sip of beer.

"Good! 'cause there is a fine looking gentleman at the other end of the bar who’s been looking you over for some time now.” She casts her gaze over your shoulder with a slight nod to indicate someone behind you. You turn your head to follow her gaze to see a handsome young man leaning on the bar, smiling back at you. Shocked, you immediately turn back around, nervously tucking your hair behind your ear. Within a few moments, you watch out of the corner of your eye as the man downs the shot-glass in his hand, and pushes himself up from the bar. He discreetly tugs on the bottom of his vest to straighten himself out and runs a quick hand over his dark hair in an effort to make himself presentable. Then, he begins to walk towards you and Karen.

"Good Evening, Ladies," the stranger says with a kind tone to his voice, which makes Karen giggle with excitement, nibbling her lip in anticipation. "Evenin'", she replies, her eyes dipping demurely.

"My name is Sam. Sam Edwards. What’s yours?" he inquires politely. You can feel the blush starting to dust across your cheeks as his handsome smile dances from you, to Karen, and then back to you.

"My name is Karen, and this here is (Y/N)," offers Karen, when you are self-consciously hushed into silence. Typically, you have no issue speaking your mind freely, even in the presence of men. But on the off-chance that you catch a man's eye, it always leaves you awkward and shy. Sam is fairly tall, with dark, thick wavy hair that is combed back nicely. He's clean-shaven and wearing nicer clothing, nothing dirty or ripped. His boots are clean of mud and dust, indicating that he must not be 'of the elements' like the company that you currently keep. But he seems kind, his dark eyes shining as he smiles at you. In other circumstances, you'd be most excited at being approached by such a man as this.

"Can I offer you ladies a drink?" he asks.

"Um, no thank you, we have drinks," you reply politely, rolling your wrist and fingers towards the bottles on the bar in front of you.

"Hmm, yes, of course," he nods in acknowledgement, but not willing to give up just yet. "Would you mind a dance, then?" he smiles at you, holding out his hand. You blink back the astonishment in your mind as you stare down at his hand, then back to his face, not sure how to answer. When you sit there immobile, your mouth slightly open to find an answer, yet paralyzed with conflict, Karen gently nudges your shoulder with her slender fingers as a go-head, pushing you towards Sam and encouraging you to accept his offer. She knows damn well that you are hesitant because of Arthur. But if he's going to be stupid enough to drag his feet in moving forward with you, then Karen is not going to let this opportunity of a potential suitor slip away from you.

Your cheeks flush red as you lay your hand into Sam's, causing the handsome grin on his face to pull into a full-fledged smile of excitement. You hop down from the barstool and follow him as he leads you to the open area where a few others have already gathered to dance. Being respectful, Sam places his hand high on your back as he gently clasps your hand in his other one. However, he can't help but to pull you a little closer than usual to him.

"So, are you from here in town?" Sam asks you, awkwardly trying to make small-talk.

"Not exactly," you chuckle as you both start to sway with the music.

"You and your friend having a good time tonight?" he continues, trying to crack that exterior of yours.

"Sure." You don't mean to be rude with your short answers, but you are not sure if you are comfortable with this. Sam proceeds with a string of compliments, commenting on your dress, your hair, etc. Its been a long time since someone flirted with you in genuine interest. Sure, there's always Sean's teasing, Micah's harassment, and the occasional mixed-signal instances with Arthur. But no one has been pursuant and shown you attention like this in a long time. And honestly, it feels pretty damn good to you. You eventually loosen up a bit and relax, as the two of you continue to dance as one song stops and the next one continues. You begin to let your guard down and allow yourself to laugh and smile; to be courted properly as a good woman should be.

"What’s your situation, if you don’t mind my asking?" Sam eventually asks, his eyes locking with yours with genuine interest.

"I don’t really have 'a situation'," you admit sheepishly.

Sam cocks his head at you in disbelief. "Now, how’s that possible with a pretty girl like you?" he counters skeptically.

You roll your eyes at his latest compliment with a slightly embarrassed grin. "It’s complicated," you finally admit, shaking your head at the nonsense of it all.

When the music stops again, it leads you to begin to take notice of what is happening between you and Sam, and you feel as if this is starting to take a turn that you are not so sure that you want it to. You suddenly pull away from Sam's grasp, blinking the blissful fog from your mind. "I should go," you mutter softly. For whatever reason, you have a sudden wave of guilt wash over you. You're not sure if its because of Arthur, the gang, everyone...no one?

“Can I see you again?” Sam asks hopefully, holding your hand in both of his, a slight desperation in trying to keep you from running from him.

You look down at his elegantly strong hands encasing your own and hesitate, torn as you are not sure how to answer him. What are you supposed to tell him? That you live with a bunch of wanted outlaws out in the woods? "I don’t think that’s a good idea," you say quietly at a volume barely above a whisper, with a slight pang of regret in your voice as you avoid eye-contact, fearing that if you look Sam in the eye, it will be your undoing.

"Why not?" he gently pushes, stepping a bit closer to you, confusion setting upon his face. He is not about to let you walk away so easily.

"Trust me, it just isn’t," you reply a bit more firmly this time, trying to convince yourself that you are doing the right thing for everyone involved. For this is also for Sam's safety as well. What if someone in the gang gets wind of this and sees Sam as a threat? And you can't help but chuckle internally at the irony of that thought: Arthur wants to keep you at a distance from himself to keep you safe, and yet here you are doing the same for Sam.

Sam steps even closer to you now, staring down into your eyes in that oh-so dreamy and romantic way. You can almost feel the heat from his body, he's that close. He holds your gaze and you notice his chest rising and falling with his slightly-broken breathing in anticipation. Your eyes cast down to his lips, tempted to think what it would feel like to kiss him. He must sense your indecision and leans in slightly, as if to kiss you first and end your internal struggle. But suddenly you snap out of your reverie and pull back with a slight surprise. "I can't," you murmur again, so faint, Sam almost missed it.

"Please don't go," Sam begs in a hushed tone. You gently lift your hand and rest it on his chest, your fingers splay open and float across the fabric of his shirt and brocade vest, a last attempt to validate that Sam is real and standing right in front of you; to allow yourself to believe that he is willing to fight for you. Unlike someone else. But, you are not ready to deal with this sort of thing and the drama that it could bring. This just isn't fair. Why couldn't this man approach you when you are not living in hiding with a bunch of criminals? Or, why couldn't Arthur and you finally acknowledge what you know is burning there and just be together? Either way, you aren't getting what you want and it fills you with both annoyance and sadness.

"No, I...I really need to go. Thank you for the dancing. It was nice to meet you, Sam." And with that, you offer him an apologetic smile and step backwards to put space between you before turning around to look for Karen. Your chest is tight and you feel like you can hardly breathe. The room starts to spin and you suddenly feel the need to get the hell out of this saloon and now. Fortunately, Karen is still sitting at the bar where you left her, but she has since found some company. A rather cute blonde is leaning over her and openly flirting, causing her to blush and giggle. You quickly walk over to where she is sitting, and toss a few coins on the bar, grabbing the bottle that the barkeep conveniently has sitting there. "Come on, Karen, we need to leave," you inform her, and pull her off the stool by the arm, causing a quick yelp to escape her lips. You quickly drag her across the saloon floor and out the door before she can even put up any argument.

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It is Arthur's turn for guard duty tonight. He stands quietly, smoking his cigarette, peering into the still night. He keeps his eyes open for any disturbance, but mainly, he's keeping an eye out for you and Karen. You've been gone for several hours now, but he's trying not to get too anxious about it. You are with Karen, and she can certainly handle herself. But then again, you are with Karen. So there's no telling what you'll get into when you're with her.

The evening is crisp, but not so cold. Autumn has not set in fully just yet, so there is still the rustling of the birds and squirrels in the trees as they prepare for the coming winter. He curls his thick fingers around the cigarette in his hand as he lifts it to his lips for another long drag, casting his watchful eyes from the hitching posts where the horse quietly graze to the path where he hopes to see you and Karen soon. Suddenly, his keen ears pick up on a noise off in the distance. He squints his eyes, trying to see in the dark as he tilts his head in an effort to discern where the noise is coming from. He hears it again and it is the unmistakable sound of Karen's cackle and your voice carrying through the still night air. Eventually you both come into view, riding up into camp. A wave of relief settles over Arthur to know that you two are both back safe. But that quickly turns to confusion, as well as amusement, as he can see that you are both clearly very drunk. Its not a bad thing to see you both so merry and carefree. But you are also both very loud and rowdy, singing and laughing and carrying on. So much for being discreet and hiding in the woods, he muses.

"What in God's name have you two been up to?" chuckles Arthur with a shake of his head as you and Karen get closer to the camp. The two of you have been too caught up in your own antics to notice Arthur until now, but once you set eyes upon the man, you both exchange a look between the two of you and instantly burst into a laughing fit. You had finished that bottle you brought from the saloon and have proceeded to get even more drunk on the ride back to camp. And of course, there has been much discussion about Arthur along the way.

Sighing, Arthur meets you along the path to escort you in. "Alright, then. Let's get you two in, safe and sound. Well, maybe not so much on the ‘sound’ part." He walks over and takes ahold of the reins of both of your horses to safely lead the animals over to the posts. Once she's at a complete stop, Karen is quick to bounce down from Old Belle, patting the horse's graceful neck in thanks. On the other side, Arthur is quick to walk around Blue to help you down from the saddle when he notices you almost fall, and you trip ungracefully right into his chest with an "oof!" "Woa! Easy, now," he laughs as he uses his arms to catch you and hold you up. "I got ya." "Thanks, Arthur, you’re a peach!” you drunkenly quip looking up into his face with a lop-sided grin. You quickly reach up and tap Arthur's nose with your fingertip, making a “boop” noise before taking his hat off his head to place it on your own and walk around him to link arms with Karen and saunter off towards the fire to join the others. Arthur stands frozen for a moment, watching as you and Karen drunkenly bump into each other with a ripple of laughter, astonished by your behavior before he cautiously follows suit.

The evening carries on, and everyone is in good spirits tonight. There is laughter and singing in the air and everyone is actually getting along for once. Eventually, Bill stands to get another bottle from the supply wagon and announces to everyone that he has just grabbed the last bottle of rum.

"I'll arm-wrestle you for it, Bill!" you say cheekily, pointing at him smartly. A wave of laughter ripples throughout the group. Bill is even bigger than Arthur, and that's saying alot. You are dwarfed in comparison to the goliath, so your challenge to him is certainly a joke. Bill eyes you with a grin, before he simply waves you off like you're crazy. "You're as mad as you are drunk, woman!" he says shaking his head at you. "I'm serious!" you challenge back with a slight hiccup. "Come on!" you exclaim as you stand up and walk past him and over to the the nearest table. You sit down and prop your arm up for the ready, smacking the opposite side of the tabletop with your other hand to indicate his vacant spot, a big smile on your face. "Come on, Bill!" you holler over to him. You wave him over to you, and with a grin of his own, Bill finally complies. He settles himself down across the table from you, still eyeing you cautiously, and waiting for you to come to your senses and back out of this dare. But he eventually lifts his massive arm up onto the table, bending his elbow up. Bill lightly grasps your awaiting, and much smaller, hand in his, rolling his fingers around yours for a moment before he tightens down, readying himself. He locks eyes with you in a stare, eyebrow raised and ready.

"OK, then, when you're ready, I'll start the count," you say, a little too peppy for his liking.

"Hold on," halts Bill suddenly. "I ain’t fallin' for that again," he says, thinking back to when he dislocated his shoulder and you caught him off-guard with your counting and popped the ligament back into place before he was expecting it. "Someone else get over here and do the countin’!" he shouts as he waves over to the group. Javier is quick to his feet and strides over to the table. "Alright, friend, I got you. Think you can take her, big man?" he jokes as he gets closer. Bill just gives Javier a scowl in response before he returns his gaze back to you. You and Bill sit with your hands wrapped together, and you begin flexing your fingers to find the comfortable position again before they gracefully drape across his large and calloused knuckles. Bill blushes slightly at the feeling of your soft hand tightening around his own burly one, relishing the feeling of it, but quickly regains his composure to set himself to the task at hand.

Javier places his hand atop of your two together. "You ready?" he asks, checking you both.

"Yep!" you reply with absolutely no reservation or concern in your voice what-so-ever. The rest of the gang looks on, curious to see what is going on in that head of yours. Bill nods to Javier and then meets your eyes again, bracing himself for your little competition.

"OK, then," says Javier and then he begins to count. "One...two..."

And just as the syllable of "two" drops from Javier's mouth, you launch yourself across the table and kiss Bill full-on on the lips. Bill freezes, his eyes going wide, his eyebrows shooting up to his increasingly receding hairline. You can hear an audible gasp from the collective crowd, as well as Karen's unmistakable high-pitched drunken laugh of approval. When you pull back from his face, Bill looks at you in utter shock and is dumbfounded as to what just happened.

"Three!" Javier announces excitedly, lifting his arm above his head in emphasis. And before Bill can pull his mind together, you pull his giant arm down effortlessly, pinning his large hand to the table.

"Ha! I win!," you exclaim, smacking your hands on the table in triumph before you stand victorious, snatching the bottle of rum from him and taking a big swig from the bottle.

"What?! NO! Damn it!!" yells Bill, completely flabbergasted. The rest of the gang erupts in laughter and cheers as they all raise their own bottles and cups to salute you, including Arthur. After a few moments, Bill stands with a grin of his own, knowing he's been bested. (Truth be told, he's always had a soft spot for you.) He ambles over to stand next to you and puts his massive arm around your shoulders. “Laugh all you want, Jackasses," he says waving at the lot of them. "But the fact is, (Y/N) kissed me and none of you! I’d say that’s worth a bottle of booze," he says pridefully. You turn to him with a warm-hearted smile and pull his face down closer to kiss his cheek to show that there are no hard feelings, and hand him the bottle to share.

The festivities of the group continues well-on into the night, filled with laughter and fun. You all sit around the main fire, singing and sharing stories. You are still sitting next to Karen and Tilly, relaxed and carefree. Arthur sits across the fire from you and watches you with great interest. It fills him with such satisfaction to see you settled and free of the worries and stresses of your life, even if it is only for an evening. He reflects upon how much you've assimilated into this group of misfits, his family, accepting and loving everyone within it. You seem perfectly at ease and comfortable to exist within the harsh life that he himself lives. Where others have cast judgement, you have offered compassion. Arthur's chest tightens and his heart swells at the mere sight of you. And his face twists up slightly in concern, as he now realizes that he can't keep his feelings for you at bay forever.

At one point during the evening, Hosea comes over to sit down next to you in the spot recently vacated by Tilly. “I like seeing you like this, (Y/N)” he says, a slight grunt of exertion crossing his lips as he lowers himself down onto the chair.

“What, drunk?” you questioningly laugh as you offer him a lop-sided grin.

“No, relaxed. Happy. You’ve been through a lot, my dear girl. You work hard. You do your part. Its good to see that you are 'one of us' now." The old man gives you a smile of approval and pats your hand affectionately. You warmly smile back at Hosea, appreciating his fatherly acceptance. Since you've lost your own father, you have a gap in your heart for such a role. You are truly very fond of Hosea and you wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace. "Thank you, Hosea," you whisper in his ear.

By the end of the night, the fire has died down and the chill of the evening air has indicated that it is finally time for everyone to retire to their beds. Hosea looks over at you, noticing that you are rather wobbly now, between the booze and the fatigue. He lets out a contented sigh before looking over to Arthur. "Arthur, why don’t you get (Y/N) to bed.” And the man waves his hand at Arthur to usher him over to you.

This statement causes you to sloppily giggle into your hands. “You hear that, Karen? Arthur has to get me into bed!” And both you and Karen erupt into yet another fit of laughter over your inside joke between the two of you, seeing as she now knows how you really feel about the man.

Arthur tries to hide the red in his cheeks with the brim of his hat as he sighs dryly at the embarrassing joke. "Are you done now?” he asks, walking over and standing over you with a bit of a scowl, not too amused. At this point, Arthur is tired and just wants to get some sleep.

You instantly try to stifle your laughter, not wanting to irritate him any further, but a few huffs of snickering escape your lips before you can finally contain yourself again. “Fine, I’ll be good”, you say as you put your hands up in surrender. Arthur sighs in impatience again and gently takes your arm to help you to your feet. "C'mon, let's go. I think you've had enough fun for one night," his deep voice trying to sound authoritative in case you try any other antics that may embarrass him in front of everyone else.

Hosea and the others watch in amusement as Arthur gingerly wraps his arm around your waist for support as you lean heavily into his ribs, and he leads you away from the fire and towards the tents. Your images disappear into the darkness as the firelight leaves your forms, but everyone can still hear you as you continue to trip over your own feet like a newborn baby horse learning to walk, continuing to crack yourself up, and almost pulling Arthur down with you with each drunken step. Hosea shakes his head with a grin as all they can hear carrying through the still night is your laughter and Arthur shouting “Damn it!” in annoyance every two seconds. "That girl is going to be his undoing, yet," he whispers with approval in his voice to Ms. Grimshaw, who only nods in agreement.

As you reach your tent, Arthur pulls back the flap opening with one hand as he has his other arm still securely around your waist to make sure that you don't fall over. He gets you inside the canvas and sets you down on your newly-acquired cot, looking you over briefly to assess the situation, before he kneels down at your feet to help you get your boots off. You sit quietly and obediently as you watch him slowly pry apart the laces of your boots with his large fingers. He is so careful and gentle as he handles you. You try your best to reel in your drunken behavior and smile down at him.

"Thank you, Arthur," you say softly.

"No need for thanks," he offers gruffly, keeping his eyes on his fingers and the work at hand.

"No, I mean...thank you, Arthur. For everything. Not just for taking care of me tonight, but for looking out for me all this time." He lifts his eyes and briefly looks at you before awkwardly turning his eyes back down, unable to hold your intense gaze upon him. "Weren't nothin'" he mumbles, still fussing with your laces.

"You saved my life, Arthur," you gently push the subject, "and have been looking after me ever since. I just want you to know how much I appreciate that." Arthur says nothing in return, but simply hums in acknowledgement with an ever-so-slight nod at the compliment. Now that you are in the quiet of your tent, away from the commotion of the crowd from earlier, you think back to the saloon and to Sam and your interaction together from this afternoon. You briefly wonder whether you've made the right decision to walk away from the proper gentleman who would have loved your company. But as you continue to watch Arthur kneeling in front of you at your feet, gently slipping off your boots, you know for sure. You smile to yourself and in a sudden burst of bravery, you lean over to kiss Arthur's cheek. Your delicate lips linger on his stubbled face for just a split second longer than needed, a clear indication of the tenderness that is intended. You hesitate for a brief moment after you deliver the precious gift, your face hovering next to his, before you slowly sit back up again. This causes Arthur to immediately halt in his task, as he begins to blush and get flustered. His eyes dart everywhere but to your face as he rapidly blinks in surprise.

“You’re sweet, Arthur”, you say to him, your voice a soft melody floating in his ears.

Arthur finally looks up at you again, rubbing his hand along his jawline nervously. “I’ve been called alot of things in my life, but 'sweet' ain't one of 'em,” he admits to you, a boyish grin pulling along his lips.

"Maybe you’re not hanging around the right people, then," you smile at him.

He chuckles a bit. "Huh...maybe you’re right." You continue to look down at him, still kneeling at your feet, and the two of you lock eyes together for a moment. You jut your head down towards him slightly, inviting and waiting for him to kiss you. 'This is it!' you think to yourself excitedly. 'Its finally going to happen!' Arthur slowly reaches up and moves a lock of hair behind your ear so that he can see your face clearly. But trying to be a gentleman when it comes to a woman, Arthur suddenly clears his throat and pulls back. He has fantasized about this moment so, so many times. However, he doesn't want your first kiss together to be when you're drunk, not wanting to take advantage of you in your current state. It would be one thing if you were both drunk. In fact, to be honest, that may be the only way he would finally get the nerve to act upon what he has dreamed of for so long. So rather than reciprocating your affection, he awkwardly pats you on the leg instead.

He clears his throat again, trying to dislodge the tight knot there and find his voice to answer the expectant expression that sits upon your face. "Get some sleep, would ya? I’ll see you in the mornin'," he replies quietly with a brief and awkward smile. And with that, Arthur stands up, gives you a slight nod, and quickly ducks out of your tent, leaving you sitting there alone, wide-eyed and mouth slightly gaped in disappointment.

In the stillness of the night, all you can hear is the far-off sounds of the critters still out and about nocturnally. You sit on your cot, motionless and in shock for a moment over what just happened. And honestly, you are more than a little dejected. "What the hell do I have to do to get this man to make a move?", you whisper exasperatedly to yourself as you raise your hand towards the tent opening where Arthur was just standing and let it drop into your lap haphazardly in frustration. Every damn time that you think something will happen between you and Arthur, he will always pull away from you. The beautiful flirtations that cause warmth to spread in your heart always end in disappointment. You treasure the sweet interactions between the two of you, but you don't know how much more you can take without it moving any further. It can't be coincidence, can it? He has to feel something for you as well, right? You continue to sit there in disbelief, even in your drunken state. You lift your eyes to the ceiling of your tent, as tears of frustration start to well up in them before a single tear makes it over the brim and cascades its way down over your cheek.

------------------------------

The next morning, Arthur peels open his blue eyes at the sound of the birds in the trees. The morning sun creeps its way in through the slight gaps of the tent flaps and dances along the walls of the canvas as the morning breeze shakes the fabric. Its quiet in the camp this morning after last night's festivities, so he allows himself to take his time and slowly rise for the day. He sits up on the edge of his cot, running his hand through his messy hair with a yawn as he slowly comes to full consciousness. A smile slowly spreads itself across his bearded face as he remembers the events of the preceding night. He is feeling pretty good about that kiss you planted on his cheek last night and how you had called him 'sweet'. He replays the conversation over in his mind and thinks on how you looked at him. Over the time you have been here, you have become the camp sweetheart and yet, you were smiling sweetly at him last night. Him! Arthur has been mulling over his doubts over whether your flirtations are just that, or if there there could truly be something more behind it. But last night may have been that definitive proof that he needs. Or at least, maybe enough for him to finally act on it to find out?

With his hands on his thighs, Arthur pushes himself up with a slight groan to a standing position and stretches his long arms towards the ceiling of the tent before digging around in his trunk to find some clean clothes to put on. He checks himself in the small mirror hanging off of the side of his wagon, running his fingers through his tousled hair again before he pulls back the sides of his tent. He heads over to the wash barrel to toss some fresh water on his face, a bit of a bounce in his step as he walks. As he stands at the barrel, Arthur hears voices and realizes that he can overhear you and the other girls talking from where you all sit on the other side of one of the supply wagons. He can't make out what you are all saying at first, but curiosity gets the better of him. Cautiously, he sneaks a little closer to the wagon so that he can hear you all better.

"Well, well, (Y/N)! I'm surprised you're up already! How you feelin'?" asks Abigail as she watches you slowly lumber towards her and the other girls with a cup of steaming coffee in your hands.

"Not as bad as I thought I would," you admit as you carefully lower yourself to the ground to sit and rub your hand over your face. "I made sure I drank some water before I turned in for the night. Of course, getting up in the middle of the night to get sick helped, too." Your face turns sour at the memory of it.

"Well, that's what happen's when you go out drinking all day," laughs Mary-Beth. "You and Karen got a head-start on the rest of us. Serves you right!"

"Oh, I think it was well worth the trouble," smirks Karen in that smug, knowing tone as she gives you a look before sipping her own cup of coffee. This comment makes Arthur pause as he secretly listens from the other side of the wagon. What's this now? Could you have told them about what happened between the two of you in your tent? He leans in to side of the wagon a bit more intently to see if he can hear better.

"Oh, you should have seen the man that was making eyes at (Y/N) in the saloon yesterday!" exclaims Karen excitedly, eager to tell the juicy story.

“Ugh, Karen!” You roll your eyes in embarrassment as you shift your weight on the ground. The other girls gasp in shock, as you are not known to openly flirt with anyone. Anyone, except Arthur, that is. And the girls begin to giggle and eagerly ask their questions. "You're kidding!" says Mary-Beth.

"Oh, he was handsome and very interested," Karen gushes. "What was his name, (Y/N)? Steven?"

"Sam", you reply quietly, bringing your coffee cup up to your face in an effort to hide behind it.

"They danced and laughed…" giggles Karen. "That man didn't want to let her go, I tell you!"

From where he's standing, Arthur cringes and he shifts his weight uncomfortably from hip to hip as he overhears this conversation. This bit of information makes Arthur a bit jealous and self conscious. 'Of course...that’s why she was acting all sweet last night,' he thinks to himself, staring down at the ground. 'She was all hot and bothered over that other fella.' His chest begins to tighten and his head starts to pound. Arthur quickly turns and walks away from the wagon, not able to stomach anymore. All of the excitement and hope he had when he awoke this morning has evaporated within moments. 'Damn fool. You waited too long,' he admonishes himself internally. "Just as well, she probably wouldn't want you anyway, you ugly bastard," he mutters out loud to himself as he heads back across the yard and over to the tables.

But unfortunately, Arthur has walked away too soon. If he would have had the strength to hold out, he would have caught the most important and amazing words he could have heard in a very long time. Arthur walks away before he can overhear you and the other girls talk about your crush on him.

"Are you gonna see him again, (Y/N)?" asks Mary-Beth hopefully, leaning forward in anticipation.

“No”, you say quietly, but definitively, with a shake your head.

"Why not?" she asks, confused as to why you'd turn your back on a handsome gentleman caller.

"Yeah, (Y/N), why not?" jokes Karen nudging your arm with that same glimmer in her eyes. You just shake your head again, not wanting to talk about it in front of everyone else.

"(Y/N) doesn’t want that man because she wants Arthur!" Karen announces to the other girls.

You groan slightly as you roll your eyes closed and hide your face in your hands in embarrassment. The girls are wound-up with excitement and start hooting and laughing. "Oh, don't go on all embarrassed, now, (Y/N)" teases Abigail swatting at your arm. "This ain't nothin' that we haven't already guessed at."

"You need to tell him!" says Tilly, eyes all alight and wide. "You simply must talk to Arthur right away! You know he ain’t gonna make a move, so you’re gonna need to. Why wait?!" Tilly is not usually the love-sick fool that Mary-Beth is, but she sees Arthur as an older brother. She was brought into the gang at a young age like he was, and she has grown up with him. And Arthur has always had a soft spot for Tilly and watched over her. So to have her "brother" possibly find love again after all this time has Tilly giddy with excitement.

Back over at the tables, Arthur can hear the lot of you laughing from across the yard. He can't hear the specific details of what you are all saying, but it’s OK. He already knows what your’re all talking about, knows that you are all gushing about some handsome new prospect; someone who is no doubt better than him, and someone who could very well be the one to eventually call you his. Arthur's face contorts in annoyance as he slams the coffee pot down on the table. He sips the steaming liquid out of the cup, ignoring how it scalds his tongue, and shakes his head as his eyes squint up in a slow-burning anger at himself.

Hosea is now up and about as well, and approaches the table where Arthur is to get himself some hot water for his morning tea. As he fusses with his cup, pouring the water over the herbs, he notices Arthur's foul mood out of the corner of his eye. 'Jesus, its too early for this shit,' Hosea thinks to himself. He stands there and studies Arthur for a moment, his all-knowing eyes narrowing a bit in observation. He knows the younger man better than anyone and, more importantly, Hosea isn't afraid to call Arthur out on his bullshit, either. "What's the matter with you?" asks Hosea.

"Nothin'" replies Arthur curtly, avoiding eye contact. His gaze is aimed in your direction.

The older man sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose for a brief moment in exasperation. "Are you seriously mad about last night?," asks Hosea, meaning how you had carried on drunk and joking at Arthur's expense.

"No. I don’t care about any of that," Arthur waves dismissively with a pout.

"Then what’s your problem?" pushes the old man.

Eventually, with a heavy sigh, Arthur relents a bit at the sound of his 'father's' voice. "It’s just…", he hesitates before continuing, the weight of his confusion over his feelings finally coming to a hilt, overwhelming him and, at last, spilling over. "Why can’t I ever get what I want?" he answers, waiving his arm in the air in frustration before letting it drop with a slap against his side.

"What the hell are you talkin' 'bout?" asks Hosea, confused.

Arthur looks at Hosea for a moment, then turns his head to look over at your tent to where you have since wandered back and have started shaking out your clothing for washing for the day, and then back to Hosea with a slight tilt of his head, an unspoken signal.

"Oh..." says Hosea, as it clicks together what Arthur is rambling about. Then the old man chuckles, happy to see Arthur finally admit to what Hosea has already known for awhile now. "Well, did you tell her how you feel about her?" presses Hosea, arching his eyebrows to accent his point.

"Oh sure…'course!" says Arthur. "Just not to her face…or out loud," Arthur says with biting sarcasm and giving Hosea a glare as if he had just asked the most ridiculous question ever.

"Sweet Jesus," says Hosea, pinching his nose again. "Do you want me to talk to her for you?" Hosea asks, fully annoyed at this point now.

"What?! No! God, no!" exclaims Arthur quickly, his body fidgeting nervously.

"Good! 'Cause you’re a little old for me to be talking to girls for you," Hosea scolds him, sipping his now-steeped tea.

Arthur hangs his head, avoiding Hosea's disappointed eyes. "I’ll do it…in my own time," he says quietly, looking down at his boots as he kicks absentmindedly at the grass with his toe. The thumb of his hand involuntarily hooks into his gunbelt as the fingers of his other hand adjust to hold his coffee mug tighter.

Seeing his son so dejected, Hosea softens, a look of sympathy replacing the annoyance that was just previously spread there. He steps closer to the younger man, lifting his hand to Arthur's shoulder. "You need to do something about it soon, son. Because if you don’t, there’s surely others who will," Hosea warns in earnest, yet soft-spoken and serene. "And with a girl like that," as he motions towards your tent with his tea cup in-hand, "it won’t take long to happen."

Arthur lifts his eyes to meet Hosea's, a shadow of pain held behind those blue orbs. "That's just it, Hosea. I think it already has," says Arthur in disappointment.

#arthur morgan #arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x female reader #arthur morgan x f!reader #arthur morgan x reader fluff #rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 fanfic

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justagalwhowrites · 11 months ago

Text

Yearling - Ch. 26: Carved

You and Joel search for Savvy outside of Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-25 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst because... duh when do I not serve everything with a side of angst. I wish I could tell you why. Canon typical violence. Past suicide attempt. Suicidal ideation. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 10.7k (I'M SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED HERE EITHER OK)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It had gone unsaid for at least a day now.

Joel had been outside of Jackson with you for nine days and there was no sign of Savvy and it was time to turn back. He’d let you lead the way, picking directions, deciding when to stop for the day (within reason, he’d had to suggest breaks and point out the conditions of the horses at least once a day.) But there was nothing that pointed to her.

Your fourth day out, the two of you tracked a small group but it was about 10 people - three families with four kids between them - traveling to Seattle. When you found them, they were low on food so the two of you handed over the bulk of your rations. Joel told them about Jackson while you showed the younger kids the horses, keeping the occupied with a soft smile on your face as you patiently taught them how to pet Renaissance, how they had to hold their palms flat when offering her food. Joel wondered, not for the first time, how he’d never realized that you were a mother. It was so clearly built into you now that he knew to look for it. The families said they were heading for the coast and Joel hoped they found their way.

Day seven led you both to an abandoned camp that had been occupied by some kind of small party but nothing to indicate if it was raiders or someone else, though there was at least one horse. The two of you tracked that group for the last two days but they went into a stream they didn’t immediately ford and you lost the trail entirely.

“Fuck!” You dismounted into the water after you’d followed along the stream for several miles and seen no sign of the group on the shore. You kicked the water and screamed - the sound shrill and almost feral, more animal than human - before you fell to your knees. You collapsed back onto your heels as the stream flowed around your legs. You didn’t seem to notice.

Joel got down from his horse, too, gathering the reins of both animals and tying them to a nearby tree before meeting you in the water. He slowly lowered himself down on one knee, careful to leave some space between the two of you. Your hands were limp atop your thighs, palms facing to the sky, head bowed, prostrate to whatever higher power would bring your daughter back.

“Bambi,” he said softly. You didn’t even lift your head. This loss hit hard, he knew. The sign of a horse had perked you up. You had sat up straighter in your saddle, your eyes had more life in them. Your body had carried the signs of hope and those signs were gone now. “It doesn’t mean anything. It could have been anyone, just because…”

“What if she’s gone, Joel?” You asked, your voice cracked and broken. “What if it wasn’t a lie, what if…”

“Don’t know that,” he cut you off.

You’d told him what Mitchum had said to you, what he’d shown you as proof that your child was gone. The thought of it had nearly made him vomit, all but choking down bile as you spoke.

It had broken you for a while. More than a year, from the sounds of it. But, one day, you decided you couldn’t know what had happened to her, not really. Mitchum hadn’t given you any actual proof. He’d told you something he knew would torture any parent, gave you the piece of a beloved animal as a trophy. But the horse had been the older one, the smaller one. The one that could have been caught while Savvy slipped away on the younger, larger animal. So you made yourself move again, made yourself start preparing for a life beyond the place they kept you chained. You made sure you were ready to search when the time came.

Joel wasn’t sure if it was delusional or if it was discerning, if your mind was just desperate to find a reason to keep living or if you were seeing the holes in the logic of the cruelty forced on you.

“You can’t know,” he said. “Not for sure. Not unless we find her.”

“What if she died afraid and alone?” You asked, like you didn’t even hear him. But you lifted your head at least, your eyes finding his. “What if she was cold or hurting? She gets cold so easy, she always wears socks, even in summer… I could have held her, at least, I could have made it easier…”

Joel tried not to think about Sarah. About holding her, telling her that everything was going to be OK. About how his last words to her had been a lie. About how he wasn’t sure the last time he’d told her that he loved her. About how he wasn’t sure if telling her that as she bled out in his arms would have made it better or worse.

“You don’t know,” he said instead. “You taught her everything you knew, right? Means she’s smart, she’s resourceful. She’s out there, Baby, she is.”

You just looked at him, your eyes flat and dead and he wondered, for a moment, if that’s what Tommy saw looking back at him in the years before they made it to Boston.

“C’mon,” he said, putting a hand on your shoulder. You didn’t shrink away from him. “Let’s get out of the water, it’ll be dark real soon, anyway. We can find a place to camp here, get you dried off.”

You didn’t say anything, you just hung your head, looking down at your hands again.

“Bambi,” he said after a minute. “Can’t help her by stayin’ here. We gotta keep you going and that means getting out of this cold water, now let’s go. Not going to do her any good if you get sick out here, let’s go.”

You nodded a little at that and Joel got up himself before helping you to your feet. He guided you to the horses and gave you Renaissance’s reins before leading you to a place far enough away from the stream that anyone following it wouldn’t see you but close enough that it would be easy enough to refill canteens.

He set up camp and got out dry clothes from your pack.

“Bambi,” he said gently. You at least looked at him, even though your eyes still looked dead. “Should get changed out of those wet clothes. I’m going to go get us somethin’ to eat real quick, you get dry. OK?”

You took the pants and socks from Joel but just stared at them for a moment.

“Have to change, OK?” He said, watching you. “Can’t help her if you’re sick or hurt. Not good to sit in wet clothes for too long, gotta change.”

You nodded then and he slung his rifle over his arm.

“Gonna be alright for a bit?” He asked. You nodded. “Gonna come back to you in one piece, right?”

You nodded again, though Joel still felt uneasy.

“Back soon,” he said.

He picked his way carefully through the forest, back toward the stream where there’d been plenty of signs of animal life. Since the two of you had given most of your rations to the travelers, he’d hunted almost daily. It reminded him of crossing the country with Ellie and, under other circumstances, he’d probably enjoy being out here like this with you.

In another reality, he’d bring his guitar. After the two of you hunted together, he’d play and you’d sing and then he’d hand the instrument to you and he’d sing while you played and you’d sit so that your body was against his, where he could feel the heat of you beside him. When the fire died, you’d climb in the same sleeping bag and he’d hold you close and tight and kiss you all soft and needy. You’d moan against his mouth and he’d slip inside you as though he belonged there, at home between your thighs and burrowed against your chest.

Instead he was alone and worried about leaving you unattended.

He remembered what he’d been like after Sarah died.

It wasn’t a pleasant memory. It was hard to recall the exact feeling in those early days of loss. When he focused on it, tried to actually get an idea of that hell, he was often reminded of the idea that mothers forget the pain of labor when it’s done. How the agony fades so they can face the idea of giving birth again. He wondered if that’s what his mind had done, too. If his head made that time hazy and lost so he could keep on living because surviving that again would be impossible. He’d never risk it.

He hadn’t wanted to survive it then. He’d tried not to, lasting not even a day without his daughter’s kind smile or keen gaze or smart mouth before he pressed a gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

For a very long time, he didn’t know why he flinched. For a very long time, he wished it had worked. And something told him that he had the same look in his eyes then that you had now.

He wasn’t sure what he was going to do when he got you back to Jackson. The two of you needed to turn back, you couldn’t just stay out here forever. Maria said he could have two weeks and he figured it would be OK if he pushed that by a bit but he couldn’t disappear with you for the time it took to comb every square mile of the wilderness.

What if you gave up like him? You were so much stronger than him. You wouldn’t flinch away from it, he knew that. What if you surrendered to it and he wasn’t there to save you? What if you just didn’t show up at the stables one morning and he went to find you and instead found your body, cold and empty and alone? Just what was left of you, surrounded by your music collection and the guitar he made you and the books you scrawled notes in, all these signs pointing to your life that would be gone. His might be gone, then, too.

He settled in what he thought was a good spot, signs of rabbits plentiful. Joel set up behind a fallen log, setting up the gun, and waited. It didn’t take long. A bush rustled nearby and he turned, quickly, before going still, gun set and ready. A minute passed, then two. Finally, a rabbit emerged, taking a cautious hop into the open. He fired and it fell. He slung the gun on his back and picked the animal up - carefully, deliberately - its hind legs still warm, sinews pliable.

He turned to start back to camp when he froze. Ahead of him was a deer, graceful and fragile, eyes wide and soft and watching him like he was watching her. Something in a nearby tree rustled and she startled for a second, wild and cautious, but stilled before looking back at Joel. At her feet was a tiny fawn, its coat speckled and its legs spindly and splayed. The mother watched him closely, like she was trying to figure out if this two-legged creature in her forest was a threat. He wondered if she’d ever seen a person before.

“It’s OK mama,” he said softly after a moment. “Not gonna hurt you or your baby. You’re OK.”

She watched him for another moment, not jumping when he moved - slowly - to stand up straight. It was like part of her could feel that he was safe, that she didn’t need to be so on guard with him. Eventually, she hung her head low, nudging her baby forward. Joel watched them until they were swallowed by the forest, mother leading her child through the wilderness.

***

Life in the forest around you felt loud.

You couldn’t make much out, all of it melding together into a drone that you could feel in your ears. There were crickets and birds and frogs and the rustle of leaves and it meant you couldn’t hear the blood in your ears anymore. Or maybe you could and the wilderness had swallowed you up, too.

That seemed like the best option. To disappear into the earth with the untamed things. Maybe it would stop hurting then.

You weren’t entirely sure how far you’d gone. Joel had woken you early that morning. You’d been in the middle of a dream, one that you couldn’t remember now. You just knew that your heart was racing and you kept feeling like there was something just out of your reach, something you desperately needed to get to.

“Bambi,” he said gently, a hand on your shoulder. There was something in you that wanted to pull away but you didn’t. You stayed where you were, fumbling through your mind as you tried to remember why your heart was threatening to race out of your chest. You looked up at him, a sad look in his eyes. He always had that look now, it seemed. He took his hand back. “Sorry… You were dreaming… Didn’t seem like it was anythin’ good.”

You just nodded and pinched your eyes shut for a moment. It didn’t seem to make a difference.

Joel gave you something to eat - you couldn’t really taste it - and you stared into space between bites, back propped against a tree.

“Bambi,” he said, in a tone that made it seem like it wasn’t the first time he’d said it. You turned your head to look at him, fidgeting with some of the meat Joel had given you. “We… we really need to consider heading back to Jackson.”

You frowned.

“But…”

“I know,” he said gently. “And I’m so sorry we didn’t find her yet. But we need to turn back, this is day 10 and it’s gonna take a few days to make it…”

“I can’t just give up on her, Joel,” you said quietly. “I can’t, I…”

“I’m not saying give up on her,” he replied. “I’m saying that we go back to town, let the horses rest, plan where else to go next time. If… if we’re smart about it, we can search a good portion of the region without backtracking and covering the same ground twice, give us a better shot. But we can’t do that out here, Baby, we just can’t. We don’t have the rations, we’ll run out of ammo if we run into trouble, the horses will be pushed too hard. We need to go back.”

You knew he was right. But it still felt so wrong, going back to Jackson without her.

“We can take a different route back?” You asked, ready to fight him if he said no.

“Course,” he said. “We’ll see what we can find, OK? But we need to head back.”

You sighed, looking out to the forest you hadn’t searched, something tight and sickening settling in your stomach, like if you just pushed a little harder, went a little further, you’d find her.

“OK.”

The sun was high and you thought you’d been riding for a while but it was hard to know for sure. You were trying to focus on everything but you had been for more than a week, and you were worried you were missing things in the haze of fog that had over taken you. Joel kept looking back over his shoulder to you, like he was making sure you were still following him even though you knew there must be the sound of you behind him.

He looked back over his shoulder at you 13 more times - some part of you was keeping count, always aware of him - when you saw something off the trail and frowned.

You pulled Renaissance to a stop and dismounted, Joel doing a double take back at you when he realized you were no longer following him.

“Jesus, Bambi,” he brought Ares to a halt and got down, too, coming up alongside you. “Gotta tell me when you see something…”

“Sorry,” you said, not looking at him. Instead, you picked your way through the brush toward what had made you stop to begin with. It was a trap, a slender branch from a young tree pulled down toward the ground, rope pulled tight.

“Is that…” Joel frowned, so close you could feel him next to you. It didn’t bother you the way it had back in Jackson. It still sent a thrill of fear through you, making your muscles coil and tense, body preparing to defend yourself even though you knew you didn’t need to. But part of you found it oddly comforting, too. In some ways, it felt good to have him close.

“It’s a snare,” you said, kneeling beside it. You looked closer at the rope, the fibers turning green and fraying at the edges. You reached out, delicately tracing the curve of the branch with one finger. “I think it’s been here for a bit.”

Joel was silent for a moment.

“Do you think…”

“She makes these,” you said softly. “I showed her how to make a few snares, this is the one she uses the most.”

Joel knelt beside you and you looked at him. His face was soft and eyes warm, looking less pained than you’d seen him in weeks. He got closer to the pins that kept the snare ready to snap up whatever might trigger it.

“Think you’re right on the timing,” he said. “There’s some moss startin’ in down here, been here at least a month. Probably closer to two.”

“She wouldn’t have just left it here,” you said as Joel sat back from the trap. “She was good about that, she always got her traps, she remembered where she put them and she got them back. She wouldn’t have just left it here…”

“Is it OK if I take it down?” Joel’s voice was so gentle and soft, like he was holding a delicate thing with his words. “You can take a closer look at it, see if it really looks like hers…”

You just nodded, not sure if you’d be able to speak around the knot in your throat. Joel delicately released the snare and freed the pins, one from the rope and the other from the ground. He set them, almost reverently, in your open palm and set about untying the rope from the slender branch.

You held the pins tightly in your fist for a moment, as though you could absorb some part of Savvy through them if she’d held them like that once. When the wood felt as warm as your fingers and Joel was still beside you, holding the coil of rope, you opened your hand, picking up one of the pins and looking at it closely.

You’d been the one who showed Savvy how to carve these pins. You’d never been particularly good at woodworking, nothing like Joel with his even, guided knife strokes that shaped the material into something that seemed to have been held within the grain of it from the beginning, he just helped reveal it. Your daughter was better at it than you. Where your pins were always jagged and harsh, hers had an elegance and smoothness to them, precision in her cuts that you’d never been able to find on your own. You’d always wondered if she’d gotten that trait from her mother or her father, if Mark had been able to shape things and you just hadn’t known. Maybe he hadn’t even known.

The pins in your fingers were fine and almost smooth and your hand shook as you traced the arc of one.

“Bambi?” Joel said softly.

“These are hers,” you said, voice thick. “She… she is so good at making these, hers are always so precise and smooth and almost artistic and…”

He gently took one from you and you let him. He examined it, too, looking closely.

“I don’t know where she got it from,” you said, looking at him. “I never… I couldn’t teach her to do it that well, I taught her the basics but she is just good. Even when she makes them quick they’re just good and these are hers, Joel, I know they are.”

“What would make her abandon a trap?” He asked after a moment, looking back at you.

You thought for a second.

“Bad weather, maybe,” you said. “If… if she got hurt. If something drove her out of the area and she didn’t have time to collect everything or if she was too hurt to go back for it, that’s the only thing.”

He nodded slowly, looking back at the pin.

“Joel,” your voice trembled. “Joel, what if something happened to her? What if she’s hurt? What if someone took her, what…”

“We don’t know anything yet,” he said gently. “It could have been bad weather and she packed up quick. Or she saw a threat and left before it saw her, too.”

“We have to look around here,” you said. “Please, Joel, I know we’re heading back but we have to look, I can’t…”

“We’ll look,” he said. “We’ll look, it’s OK.”

You just nodded and pressed your forehead into his shoulder. You did it without thinking, it was just instinct. Joel was stable and warm and smelled like home and you needed that. You needed him. He was still for a moment before he put an arm around you, holding you gently.

“We will find her, baby,” he said gently. “It’s OK.”

The two of you looked for signs of her immediately around the snare but you weren’t that discouraged when you didn’t find any. It had been weeks, footprints in mud and the scars of missing bark from trees would be long gone.

“Which way would she go?” Joel asked, watching you.

You sighed, looking around. Your heart was beating like you were running from something and at a fork in the road, forced to make a life or death choice.

“There’s water, northeast of here I think, right?” You said, trying to orient yourself. “She knew to stick near where she could find water, I think she’d head that way.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Then that’s where we’ll go.”

He watched you closely for a moment. Your jaw was tight, whole being taut and tense. He slowly, cautiously, reached for you, giving you every opportunity to pull away from him. You didn’t. Instead, you let him pull your worn body against his, his arms wrapping around you, his lips brushing your hair. You put your arms around him, looping them up and over his back, fingers splaying wide and clutching him close for a moment.

“It’s OK Bambi,” he said. You could feel his voice in his chest. “It’s going to be OK.”

You took the lead again, every direction change and choice feeling bigger than any other you’d ever made. Every path not followed hurt, a chance that you were losing. You tried not to think about it but your mind kept getting stuck, as though if you concentrated hard enough you could pull yourself apart and the pieces could keep searching. It didn’t matter much if you couldn’t put it all back together again. If you found her, it was worth it. If you didn’t, what would be the point.

Dusk was on the horizon when you started looking for a place to stop for the night.

“What’s that?” Joel said after you’d started looking for a good place to rest as well as for signs of Savvy. “To the east a bit?”

You looked back at him to see where he meant and followed his eye line. There was a bright spot through the trees about a football field away. You frowned a little.

“Worth looking at,” you looked back toward Joel. He just nodded before nudging Ares toward the bright spot and you followed with Renaissance. When you went to overtake him, he held his hand out.

“Should stay behind me,” he said. “Just… in case.”

You frowned a little but nodded and fell in behind him, watching as he brought his rifle forward. Your grip on Renaissance tightened and she huffed, her ears twitching.

It was almost a let down when it was just a small clearing. For a moment, you thought it was just a quirk of the forest but you saw another spot just beyond that was brighter, too. You dismounted.

“Got the map?” You asked, tying Renaissance off on a nearby tree before working your way through the brush to the other bright spot. It was a clearing, too. “Looks like campsites.”

“Here,” Joel said as you came back over, Ares tied off near Renaissance, the map in his hand. “We’re toward the north end of the Shoshone National Forest. Or should be, anyway.” You nodded, looking at the map. It didn’t have things like camp grounds marked that you could see. “Thinkin’ we’re about here.”

He pointed to a spot on the map and you nodded again.

“Near water,” you said, looking back up at him.

“Yeah,” he said. “It’d be a good spot.”

“Let me just…” you looked out toward the other clearing. “I’ll be back.”

You didn’t wait for him to respond. Instead, you just went back toward the other site, crossing it this time and working your way through the brush to another site. There were five all told and you found the remains of a fire at the fourth one. You knelt beside the small fire pit, the ash pile tall enough that you could tell it was from more than just a day or two. Joel appeared beside you.

“Someone was here,” you said, nodding at it. “For a little while.”

Joel’s hand went to the middle of your back and you jumped a little at his touch before you relaxed into it.

“Could be,” he said, replying to the words you couldn’t say. You just nodded.

The two of you settled in for the night, finishing off the rabbit from the night before. You tried not to think about patrolling with Joel. How you’d sit near him and find comfort in his presence, how you wanted to do everything beside him. Part of you still lived in that feeling. The rest of you was still chained to a wall, begging for help but getting none.

Joel hummed quietly as he carved - some small figure that you were curious about but couldn’t bring yourself to ask after - as you stared at the fire, watching the crackle as the wood popped and sparks flew.

“Do you think I’m crazy?” You asked, arms looped around your knees, looking across the flames to him when you couldn’t take the silence and distance anymore.

Joel frowned, raising his eyes to yours.

“No. Why would I think you’re crazy?”

“For doing this,” you said. “Searching with no real idea of where to go, endless space to look, all for someone I don’t…”

Your voice broke and you looked back at the fire.

“No,” he said gently. “Not crazy. I’d do the same thing.”

“Is that why you’re helping me?” You asked, looking back at him.

He considered you for a moment, a brief flash of hurt in his eyes.

“Part of it,” he said eventually. “But, Sweetheart… I’d do anything for you. Lookin’ for your girl… that’s… there’s no question. I’m always going to want to help you, always going to want to take care of you. Doesn’t matter what it is but especially with this.”

You nodded and buried your face in your arms for a moment before you sighed.

“I’m scared I’m losing my mind,” you said before looking back at him again. “I don’t know if… If what I’m thinking and hoping and basing all this around is real or if it’s just… For a while, when I was with them, when I thought she was gone, I wanted to die. There just wasn’t a reason for any of it and everything just hurt all the time but I couldn’t do it. I just kept living and I resented it. But, after a while, it’s like I talked myself out of it. I convinced myself that she could be out there. Just enough that I could forget how much it hurt. And then I got out. But every time I saw something that made me think that it could be a sign of her… I think I’ve been moving toward this for a long time. Where I can’t be in limbo anymore and can’t just avoid it, where I need to know and… I don’t know how much of it is real and smart and how much of it is something just made out of the hurt and the fact that it seemed like it should have killed me but it didn’t. I don’t know how sane any of it is, Joel. I don’t. But I don’t know if I can survive without it and…”

You buried your face in your arms again, tears stinging your eyes.

“I understand, Bambi,” he said gently. You looked up at him, frowning a little. “I did a lot of that when… after Sarah died. I knew she was gone, there wasn’t a question of that. I felt it happen. But… I couldn’t live with it, either.”

You frowned a little, watching him closely.

“Tried to end it,” he said, sniffing once, his voice tight. “Next day. Put a gun to my head, figured it’d be quick. Didn’t work, obviously. Flinched.”

“Joel…”

“Spent a lot of years after that hidin’ from it,” he continued, turning his carving over in his hands. “Tried not to think about her. Regret that now. Who knows what I forgot because I was so busy trying to not hurt. Tommy never even said her name. We never talked about her. But it seemed like the best part of my day was the half a second after I woke up when I didn’t remember she was gone. Always felt like she was in the next room, that I’d need to make sure she was moving to get out the door on time for school… It took a long time before I found something else to live for. And it sure seems like she found me, not the other way around. Then we came to Jackson and I… I found you. With her and with you, seemed like there was a reason I flinched back then. Like part of me knew there was a reason to go on and I’d find it eventually.

“You’ve got that, too. Even if… even if it’s not me and even if it doesn’t seem like it. You have things to live for, baby. Promise you do. You may not even know what they are yet but you have ‘em. You just have to keep living, that’s all. Just keep survivin’. Please.”

You watched him through the flames for a moment before you got up and came around the flames to sit beside him, close but not so close that you were touching. He froze as you leaned over, slowly, to rest your head on his shoulder.

“I’m glad it didn’t work,” you said quietly.

“Me, too,” he replied after a moment.

“I don’t know what I want right now,” you said, watching the fire. “But I know that I’m glad you exist. That I want you to be happy.”

You felt him turn ever so slightly, his lips and his nose brushing the top of your head.

“I’m here for you,” he said softly. “However you want me, I’ll do whatever you want. As long as you’re safe and happy, I’ll do whatever you want.”

He held his large hand out to you, a small carving of a deer in his fingers. You took it, turning its delicate body in the light.

“It’s yours, if you want it,” he said quietly. “All yours either way.”

***

You wanted to follow the river the next day. Joel was fine with that, especially since you picked the route that curved back toward Jackson. Or, at least, in that general direction. It was still a few days ride and he’d already made notes of where you’d found signs of Savvy to come back and check again if the two of you didn’t find her on this trip out.

You were more yourself than you had been in a long time. The two of you stopped for lunch and to give the horses a longer break and Joel started carving again, just to give himself something to do besides look at you. That hurt too much.

“Can you teach me?” You asked after a few minutes. He looked at you for a moment, surprised you were talking to him at all. It had been a quiet almost two weeks with you.

“Sure,” he said before you had a chance to take it back. “Want to come sit by me? Grab…” he looked around for a moment before finding a hunk of wood on the ground that looked like it would work. “That there?”

You nodded and moved to be next to him. Careful, he noticed, to not touch him but close enough that you could easily see his hands. He cleared his throat.

“Want to find the grain of the wood,” he said, watching as you turned the chunk of wood in your hands. “Want to work with it, go against it and it’ll split.”

“Makes sense,” you said. Fuck, you were so close to him.

“Start with a rough cuts, get the outline of what you want to make,” he said. “Knife in your dominant hand, wood in the other. Hold it real firm and cut away from your body in thin slices, don’t go too deep or it’ll fracture.”

You nodded and looked at the wood again, frowning down at it.

“What do you want to make?” He asked after you didn’t move to cut it.

“A moose, I think,” you said. “Just not sure where to start.”

He nodded slowly.

“Can I?” He asked, hand out. You shrugged and handed the wood over. He turned it in his hands for a moment, getting a feel for the shape of it, finding the grain. “Here,” he said, holding it close to you. “Back’ll probably be this part here…” He notched the blade against the wood and cut into it. “That’ll make this the neck.” He adjusted the knife and cut again. “Legs down here. You try that one.”

He handed the wood back and your fingers brushed his as you took it. He clenched his hand into a fist in his lap, squeezing some of the tension swelling in him out before releasing it.

“Here?” You asked, lining up your knife.

“Yeah,” Joel said. “But turn it a bit so you’re cuttin’ more away from yourself…” He helped you adjust and felt your skin on his again. You made the cut. “There ya go. Go back over the whole thing like that, shave off a bit more…”

You nodded and set to work and Joel tried to not watch you too obsessively. He didn’t want to push you away or make you uncomfortable but fuck you were so close and you weren’t mad at him. So much of what he remembered of how you felt in his arms had gotten mixed up in the night you’d left Jackson, how he clutched onto you while you screamed. He wasn’t sure you’d ever let him close again and now you were beside him because you chose it. He couldn’t ruin it. He went back to his own carving.

“Alright,” you said eventually, holding up the wood. “Think I’ve got it. Now what?”

He looked at it and nodded.

“Good job,” he said. “There are two other kinds of cuts you’ll use for the rest of it. One where you pull the knife toward yourself - most common one - and one where you push it. Pull is a lot like paring, you’re gonna brace the wood with your thumb and then pull your knife towards it.”He showed you on his carving and you leaned in close, nodding. “Keep your thumb back so you don’t get hurt, though.”

You nodded and positioned your hands like his before pressing into the wood. The first cut was jagged but the beginning of the technique was there. And you didn’t cut your thumb, so it was enough for him to call it a success.

“Good,” he said and you looked up at him, smiling a little.

He showed you how to do the push stroke, too, and the two of you sat in near silence for a bit, working at your carvings. Joel kept glancing your way, trying to not look too long so he didn’t distract you but he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful for it. He was close to you, close enough that your elbow brushed against him now and then and he could hear you breathing, with a reason to look at you. He’d have been happy to stay like that for hours, with birds singing and you breathing, like nothing bad had ever happened to either of you at all.

You’d made good progress when you cursed and hissed, dropping the wood and bringing your hand to your mouth.

“Cut your thumb?” He asked, setting his carving and knife down. You nodded, thumb between your lips. He held out his hand. “Lemme see.”

“Uh uh,” you muttered as you sucked on your injured finger.

“C’mon, Bambi,” he smiled a little. “Happens to everyone, especially when you’re learnin’. Lemme see it.”

You looked at him with those wide eyes of yours like you were half expecting him to judge you for your slip. But you sighed and pulled your thumb from your mouth and thrust your hand at him. He took it gently, yours so much smaller than his own that it seemed delicate even with the callus from guitar and riding on your fingertips and palms. The cut on your thumb started beading with blood before he had a chance to look at it and he frowned for a second before raising your hand to his mouth, putting your small hurt between his lips and pulling the salt and copper of you into him. Your breath hitched and Joel felt you stiffen beside him and it was only then that he realized what he’d done without thinking, the casual intimacy of caring for your body with his own. There was still a part of him that couldn’t accept the separation from you. It felt like an unnatural thing, you existing so separate from him that you could be hurting next to him and he was supposed to ignore it hadn’t even crossed his mind. He pulled your hand carefully from his mouth.

“Sorry,” he said, voice gruff, as he delicately examined the cut. It was deeper than he’d hoped but not to the bone. “S’not too bad, lemme just…” He released your hand and went into his bag, pulling out a scrap of fabric he had just for this kind of injury. He took your hand back and poured a little water over the cut before he wrapped it tightly, knotting the cotton around your thumb. “Keep that elevated for a minute, should stop bleeding before too long. When it does, we’ll get going.”

You nodded and Joel picked up your carving from where you’d dropped it. The moose was starting to take shape, though its form was jagged and rough. But the ruggedness suited it, something powerful not easily contained by the wood. Your blood stained the side of its chest, near where its heart would be. Joel tried to wipe it away but some had already seeped in, a red splotch on its chest.

“I ruined him,” you said, sounding a little sad. Joel glanced over at you, your eyes focused on the small creature in his palm, lips turned into a small frown.

“Think he’ll be alright, Bambi,” Joel smiled a little. “Besides, he only exists because of you. Don’t think you can ruin him.”

After a moment, Joel took your bleeding hand back and checked the bandage. It looked to be holding.

“We should go,” you said, a little breathless, watching him.

“Yes,” a voice from behind the two of you said. “You really should.”

Joel jumped to his feet and drew his gun, aiming it at a group of five men who - while he was distracted by you and your proximity and your blood - had managed to sneak up on him. He cursed himself silently as he glanced quickly to where you’d been. You were on your feet, too, gun drawn and held in front of you. He adjusted so he was between you and them.

“Not lookin’ for any trouble,” Joel said. “Just passing through. Appreciate it if you’d let us.”

“Not too fond of folks passing through,” one of the men stepped forward, lowering his gun just a bit. The other four kept their weapons trained on Joel. He wasn’t in a good position to take out a group like this. He wished he had his rifle instead of his handgun but the rifle was strapped to Ares and he was tied to a tree a good 20 feet away. He ground his teeth. “Because it never seems like they’re just passing through.”

Joel stepped back until he felt you at his back and he breathed a little easier. He just needed to keep you in one piece, that’s all.

“Well, we are,” Joel said. “Looking for someone, think she might have come through here. Once we look for her, we’ll be on our way.”

“No one out here but us,” the man said. “Took this territory few months back and believe me, we’re not about to let anyone just take what’s ours.”

“She wouldn’t steal from you,” you snapped, stepping out from behind Joel.

“Bambi,” he hissed but you ignored him.

“She’s a teenager,” you said. “Brown skin, brown eyes, curly hair. She set up a snare about a day’s ride from here so she was probably around for a while…”

“Told you,” the man said. “Don’t let people take what’s ours. This is our territory, don’t let just anybody hunt on it. We got folks to look after, can’t have just anyone taking animals on our land. Including you. So you can come with us or we can handle this here.”

Joel glanced at you, trying to do the calculus of what was the best move. Did he risk taking a hand off his weapon to throw you behind him? Did he start shooting and move himself in front of you? Did he try to talk these idiots down?

“We haven’t hunted in days,” you bit out before Joel had a chance to decide. “Haven’t taken anything of yours, just want to keep looking…”

“See, now, don’t think I can believe that,” the man said. Joel clenched his jaw. “Sure as shit can’t trust you to just stay in our territory…”

“We’ll leave,” Joel said, catching a glimpse of your head whipping around to stare him down. “Already heading back toward ours…”

One of the the four men toward the back took a step closer to you and Joel reacted before he really thought about it. It was instinctual. There was a threat to you and he took that threat down, the gunshot cracking through the air as the man dropped to the earth.

Everything happened quickly then. There was a split second of near silence, the echo of the bullet hanging heavy over the shocked silence of the surrounding forest, and the shooting began.

Joel moved for you as one of your bullets hit one of the men. Joel threw you behind a tree and kept shooting as the other men scrambled for cover.

“Three left,” you said, scrambling to reload before looking up at Joel, panting for breath. “Should leave at least one alive, question him.”

Joel nodded, gun low. A chunk of tree trunk exploded near his head and he flinched.

“I’m gonna draw their fire…”

“No,” you shook your head, cutting him off. “No, you can’t…”

“You cover me,” he said, ignoring you. “They’re gonna expose themselves to take a shot, take ‘em down then. Stay back. Something happens to me, get out of here, OK?”

“Joel,” you said, voice sharp and eyes wide, but he pressed on. There was the sharp crack of another bullet hitting the tree.

“You need to stay alive for her, OK?” He said. “Understand? You’re the only one who knows she’s missing and how to find her so you stay alive for her.”

He didn’t wait for you to respond. Instead he looked back over his shoulder and around the tree, as much as he dared to catch a glimpse of their positions before looking back at you.

“I’m going on three, OK baby?” He looked in your eyes for what he hoped wouldn’t be the last time and took a deep breath. He wanted to touch you, promise you it was all going to be OK, but kept his hands on his gun. “I love you. No matter what.”

He counted down before you had a chance to say anything back and ran for a tree that would give him cover while also giving him a chance to get closer to the last of the men. A bullet passed so close to him he felt it on the air and you started shooting almost immediately, your second shot hitting one of the men in the chest. Joel kept shooting and so did you, but he was pretty sure it was his shot that felled the next man, just as he reached the other tree. That left one who was alive. He reloaded and looked over to you from his new position, your chest heaving but face set firm. He jerked his head back, hoping you’d understand what he wanted you to do. You nodded once. He held up three fingers and you nodded again. He counted down and you both moved. He tracked you with his eyes for a moment, thankful you got what he’d been trying to communicate with you. You moved quickly but delicately around the edge of the trees, going to loop around the back side of where the men were hiding. Joel went the other way. With any luck, he’d meet you in the middle by the final man.

“You two sure cause a lot of trouble for folks just passin’ through,” the first man called. Joel was quiet. That meant he probably hadn’t seen the two of you start to move. “Should understand why we kill everyone who comes through. Probably killed that girl you’re after. If she was around here few months back we did.” Joel clenched his jaw. He was getting close to the man’s position, having to move slowly to not make a sound. “Cleared the land when we took over, folks could join up or they got handled. If she’s anything like you two, she got handled.”

Joel barely had a chance to hope you didn’t take the bait when you roared, the sound sharp and harsh. He moved quickly then, just in time to see you knock the man’s gun out of his hand as he got a shot off. It grazed your arm but you didn’t seem to notice. You tackled him but couldn’t leverage yourself to stay on top fast enough and he slammed you into the ground with a sickening thud. You were still as he scrambled to his feet and brought his foot down, hard, on your arm. Joel heard it snap half a second before you screamed and he finally - finally - reached the man, looping an arm around his throat and pulling him back, pressing the gun to his temple.

“That was a fuckin’ mistake,” he growled. The man clawed uselessly at Joel’s arm. “If you’re smart, you’ll cooperate. If you ain’t, that’s OK too. Don’t mind forcing you.”

Joel looked down toward you, tears in your eyes as you lay flat on your back, pupils blown.

“You still with me, baby?” He asked, resisting the urge to snap the man’s neck. You nodded and blinked tears from your eyes. “Good. Stay put, just a minute, OK?”

Joel wrenched the man around and shoved him to the ground before pressing him back against a tree. He flinched back for a moment and Joel almost smiled at him. He was afraid. Afraid was good.

“Gonna ask you just a few questions,” Joel said, gun still pressed to the man’s chest. “And you can tell me what I want to know or I can hurt you. Either way, I get what I want. Don’t matter much to me which way it goes.”

“Sure we can work something out,” the man said, his eyes darting and wide. “We’ve got a good crew, we’re setting up something permanent, could use someone with your skills…”

“Don’t need a place,” Joel cut him off. “Especially not with someone who would kill a kid. That what you did? You kill a kid?”

“Look…” he said but Joel turned the gun down and pressed it to the man’s thigh, pulling the trigger. The shot was nearly deafening and the spray of blood was hot as the man screamed, his hands flying to his mangled leg, his torso arching over his injured limb. Joel calmly wiped the man’s blood off his gun using some denim that had missed the splatter before he holstered it. He pulled out his knife and opened it before pressing his knee into the shin of the man’s injured leg. He screamed again and Joel held up the knife.

“Got plenty of places I can put this, too,” he said, voice calm. “So answer the question. Did you kill a kid?”

“I’m sorry,” he slumped back against the tree, his hands clutching around his injured thigh, as though that would hold him together. “We… we killed a lot of people when we moved in here, there were people all through this area but they… they weren’t organized, just nomads. They were a threat, we’ve been running from another group, made it far enough from where they mark their territory, needed to stake a claim before we lost that, too. We offered… anyone we found we offered a place but if they didn’t hold up their end or if they turned it down we killed ‘em, couldn’t let ‘em live, they knew too much, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Still haven’t answered the question,” Joel said. “Did you kill a kid?”

“My kid,” you said, voice closer than Joel had expected it. He glanced back to you and you were standing just behind him, cradling your arm to your chest. “She’s 14, brown skin, brown eyes, curly hair. She was out here about two months ago. Seen anyone like that?”

Joel tried to not picture Sarah trying to navigate the wilderness alone.

“No,” the man shook his head quickly. “No, I haven’t I swear I haven’t, not back at the settlement, not out here, I haven’t, I promise! I promise.”

“Any of your buddies mention someone like that?” Joel asked, knife still in hand. “Any of your buddies take a liking to teenaged girls?”

“What?” He frowned. Joel sighed and thrust the knife into the man’s good leg at the knee. He screamed, shooting forward in pain. Joel waited for the choking sobs to turn to whimpers.

“Asked if your buddies might have mentioned her,” he said. “Or if any of ‘em like teenaged girls. Think you know what I’m askin’.”

The man panted and looked up at you, as though you’d help him. Joel grabbed the man’s chin, yanking his gaze back to him.

“Not at her,” he said. “You’re with me. Answer the question or I’m gonna make things a whole lot worse for you. Any of your buddies mention a girl like her? Any of them have a habit of taking up with girls?”

“No,” he said, tears streaming down his face. “No, none of them mentioned her but…”

Joel was quiet for a moment, waiting for him to continue. When he didn’t, he gripped the knife, adding just enough pressure that the man yelped and started panting for breath.

“But?” Joel asked.

“But they wouldn’t have mentioned her!” He cried out, opening his eyes to look up at you again. “We didn’t talk about who we took out, there were a few dozen and… I’m sorry, if she was here… if she was here when we came through…”

Joel pulled the knife out before he could finish the statement. You didn’t need to hear that.

“Where’s your settlement?” Joel asked, wiping the blood on a clean spot on the man’s shirt before pressing the point to the man’s throat, just enough that he’d feel the sharp of it.

“Northeast!” He said. “Northeast, just south of the road going into Cody, about 20 miles west of the town. We… we’ve claimed through here all the way about five miles south as ours, we’ve got about 250 folks up that way…”

Joel nodded and closed the knife before standing. He looked over at you, at the cold and detached look in your eyes.

“Bambi,” he said gently, but you ignored him.

Instead, you pulled out your gun and aimed it at the man’s head. He barely had a chance to raise his hands, didn’t have a chance to beg for his life, before you shot him point blank, his blood splattering your good hand as your broken arm hung, limp and misshapen, at your side. The man’s body slumped over and you screamed at it, the sound seeming like it was ripping up from the center of you. You screamed until you were out of breath and you stood there, standing over the man’s broken form, the gun dangling from your fist, tears in your eyes.

Joel wordlessly went to one of the other men, one he’d shot in the head. The blood splatter on his shirt was minimal. He pulled it off the corpse and brought it over to you.

“Give me your arm,” he said gently. You didn’t seem to hear him. He gingerly took the elbow of your broken arm and you jumped, looking at him like you were surprised he was there. “Here, it’s OK sweetheart.”

He tucked your arm into the soft flannel before he tied the sleeves of the shirt together and draped it around your neck. He went to your other arm, the one that had been grazed by the gunshot and looked at you for a moment, a silent request for permission. You gave him a single nod before he poured water over the wound, cleaning it as best he could. It didn’t look too bad, at least. It would leave a scar but the damage shouldn’t be anything more than that. He got a bandage from his pack and wrapped it around your bicep before tying it off.

“Bambi,” he said again, though he wasn’t sure what he was going to say.

“We should move,” you said, your voice flat. “Sure that drew plenty of attention.”

You stalked back over to where the horses had been tethered - thankfully safe from the gunfire - and stopped to pick up the carving and your knife from the ground. Joel followed behind you and watched as you carefully packed the half-formed moose away before tucking the folded knife into your pocket. He went to help you up onto Renaissance but you brushed him off.

“Broken bones before,” you snapped. You tried to glare at him but your eyes were so empty. “Know how to get on a horse with one, I’m not useless.”

“OK,” he said softly. “I’m here if you need.”

You mounted up fine - not that he should have been surprised - and Joel got on Ares, both horses surprisingly serene given the gunfight that had happened not far from them only 20 minutes earlier. But Joel knew you’d worked to desensitize them to the sound of guns. You’d made them all but warhorses, sturdy enough to withstand anything the apocalypse would throw at them. It had served the two of you well.

“They said northeast, right?” You asked, looking back over your shoulder at him.

“Bambi…”

“If they killed her, I’m killing them,” you said. “I don’t care.”

“You don’t know that they did,” he said, bringing his horse alongside yours.

You stared him down.

“Sounds like they killed enough to deserve it either way.”

“Maybe so,” Joel said carefully. He tried to imagine how someone would need to talk him down from killing everyone who’d planned to kill Ellie. If someone would have even been able to stop him from killing every person in that goddamn hospital. “But you’re hurt…”

“Joel.”

“We’re low on ammo. Goin’ now will just get you killed and…”

“So?” You yelled. “Do you think I care? You think it matters if…”

“It matters!” He yelled back, his chest tight. He fought to stay in the present, stay with you here in the wild and not in a field outside Austin as he felt his daughter die and not on the floor of a broken house with your cold, barely breathing body pressed against him. “It matters to me and it matters to Ellie and, goddammit, it matters to your daughter! You don’t know, Bambi, you can’t know if she’s gone. But you’re the only one who knows how to look for her and I’m not going to let you throw that away, I’m not. I am not takin’ you there and we both know that, without one arm, you ain’t gettin’ far without me. We’re going back to Jackson. Now.”

You stared him down for a moment, a shadow of rage in your eyes before that died, too. He made you take the lead so he could keep a proper eye on you and the two of you made decent progress before stopping for the night, Joel hunting on the way so he wasn’t going to leave you unattended. He took your weapons when you did. You glared at him but handed over your side arm.

“Knife, too,” he said, his hand out.

“Fuck you.”

He didn’t take the bait. He just kept his hand out. After a moment, you wrenched it out of your pocket and smacked it into his waiting palm.

“Thank you.”

You kept your distance from him that evening, just staring blankly into the fire and cradling your broken arm.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, Bambi,” he said as you set up to sleep and he got set to keep watch. “I’m trying to protect you.”

“I know,” you said quietly.

It took days to reach Jackson, your arm discolored and pain the only thing visible in your eyes when you got there. Joel brought you straight to the clinic and walked you inside, still not willing to let you out of his sight. He couldn’t hold your body. Not yours, too.

He took the horses to the stables, giving a confused Renaissance an extra apple as she chuffed, looking for you.

“Gettin’ her taken care of, too,” he said gently stroking her neck. She bobbed her large head. “She’ll… she’ll get there. It’s OK.”

He went back to the clinic after and sat on the steps outside, waiting for you to come out, hoping he wouldn’t see Ellie until he went home for the night. He wanted to see her, hug her, but he wasn’t sure if you could handle it. And he didn’t want to try to explain everything to her, at least not everything about you.

Joel wasn’t sure how long he sat there waiting when the door behind him opened with a creak and he turned to see you standing at the top of the steps, your arm in a proper cast with more than a makeshift sling this time.

“You’re still here,” you said, your voice flat.

“Figured I’d walk you home,” he replied.

“What, haven’t had enough of me over the last few weeks?” You asked. It seemed like you’d meant to put your usual bite behind the words but they were just hollow.

“No,” he replied. “No such thing as enough of you.”

He carried your pack for you, walking alongside you on your slow path home.

“How are you feeling?” He asked after a few minutes of silence.

You shrugged.

“Took some doing to get my arm set. Had worse.”

Joel nodded.

“And how are you feeling… outside that.”

You were quiet for a moment.

“I don’t know.”

He nodded again, making his way to the front gate of your home. You opened it and didn’t stop him from coming up the walk so he followed you to your door. You stopped there, holding out your good arm for your bag.

“Thanks for your help,” you said, looking at his chest instead of really at him.

“Course,” he said. You went to open your door but he stopped you, a large hand cupped gently around the elbow of your intact arm. “Bambi…”

You looked at him with those wide eyes. He sighed.

“I don’t know if it’s right, leaving you here alone.”

“I’ll be OK,” you shrugged. “Not your job to worry about me.”

“I want to worry about you.”

You sighed.

“Joel…”

“I do,” he said. “Doesn’t matter what you do or say, I do. And I’m going to.”

You looked at him.

“I don’t think it’s good for us to spend time together right now,” you said.

He tried to not let the hurt show, the feeling of a knife twisting in his gut.

“You want something different than me,” you continued. “And I just… I can’t. Not right now. And I don’t think us spending time together is smart.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“I can wait.”

“You shouldn’t,” you said, chin jutting out defiantly. The knife twisted again. “You should move on. It’s for the best.”

“And what are you gonna do?” He asked.

You sighed and looked back out at the street. There were birds in the distance and the wind blew in the smell of apple blossoms from the orchard just outside the walls. It would be idyllic if his heart wasn’t cracking open and bleeding on your porch.

“Survive, I guess.”

“Bambi,” you looked back at him. “Meant what I said out there. You can’t give up, OK? You have to find something to fight for. You can. I know you can. And we don’t know if what they said was true, we can’t know. We can keep looking. Once you’re healed, we’ll find another window, we’ll search. She got out of there in a hurry, she probably just…”

“Right,” you said. It didn’t sound like you believed it.

“Promise me,” he said.

You frowned.

“Promise you what?”

“That if I leave you here you won’t do what I did,” he said. “That you’ll be stronger than me and live with it. That if you need someone you’ll come to me and you won’t try to do it alone. Because I meant it, all of it. May not be the same for you anymore but that’s OK. Think I can love you enough for the both of us, just come to me when you need it, please. Need you to promise me, sweetheart. Please.”

“Joel…”

“Promise me.”

Your eyes met his and, for a moment, he could have sworn he saw a shadow of the spark of you there. That you were there, buried deep in grief and pain and betrayal.

You took a deep breath.

“I promise.”

Joel slowly, cautiously, raised a hand to cup your cheek. You didn’t stop him. Instead, you closed your eyes and leaned into his touch, your lips parting like you were going to kiss him. But you didn’t and he didn’t try to take it. Instead, he tilted your head and nuzzled against your forehead for a moment before kissing you there, pressing his lips against your skin, breathing in the smell of your hair. He lingered against you as long as he could before he stepped back, taking a moment to memorize you.

You took a deep breath.

“Goodbye, Joel.”

He shoved his hands in his pockets.

“Goodbye, Bambi.”

Next Chapter

A/N: I am so so sorry for the wait on this and for the fact that it's a bit of a monster chapter. It got away from me, I admit. I'm trying to get back into the swing of my regular writing cadence now that the holidays are through and I so appreciate you being here and your patience ❤️

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#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x oc

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