#just doesn't fit in in characters's relationship between eachother (but hi another “what-if”)

[tankgotstuckinthecircusgate]

oh y know. maybe carlo has 2 ugly houses on his property bc his & lauretta's families live here. like yk. familiality

[linkspooky]

Helloooo I finished the first part of your jjk fic!!

I FLIPPING LOVED IT FUCK I MUST READ THE OTHER PARTS DAYUM I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THIS

First of all, thank goodness Michi didn't die at the end of this first part (God bless Geto for this, man. I was tempted to stop reading if Michi died bruh😭)

I love a lot Michi, and for me, he's part of the jjk cast (at least in my heart idc😔🤟). He fits perfectly in its world. His backstory, the themes he brought to the plot, how much you can get from him when you compare him with either Gojo or Geto.

I just know you love your oc for the way you wrote him, links. You crafted his character with a lot of care, and there's nothing more beautiful to me, as a reader, than an author pouring all their love and passion to their characters and story (Wether it's fanfic or not this level of care on your writing speaks volumes about you as a writer! Keep writing. There are people who appreciate it a lot :D)

All the metaphors meticulously placed to subtly hint you what you wanted to portray for each character and also as a way for foreshadowing. I just love that level of care in media. It makes you want to reread it again and make sure you didn't let any detail slip on you first read.

From chap. 5 what I liked the most, aside from the convo between Gojo and Utahime, which showed Gojo's more sensitive side with that touch of sarcasm so you don't take him as seriously because hey, he's still Gojo The Strongest!

Geto and Michi had a very insightful convo. They are almost parallels, but they differ on one aspect you already explained to me in another ask I sent you:

Michi confronted Geto. Right in front of his face. The world had already warned Geto with Riko's death in the hands of a mere "monkey."

Someone sensitive, like Geto, would not survive in the world of Jujutsu. You can not save everyone when not even your life holds any value to the ones on top in charge of protecting you.

Toji showed him that. Work is work. It doesn't matter whether you have strength and honest reasons to save people. You could still die at the hands of the same ones you risk your life to protect, and the world would still spin.

That broke Geto and eventually caused his breakup with Gojo because Geto realised that he was weak. That he did care. He never forgot Riko like Gojo. He felt guilty for letting his feelings overwhelm him and ruin his relationship with Gojo. He started to understand that compassion and empathy were a weakness. Those feelings were the reason he got so careless. It was his fault that Riko died:

Geto is a very tragic character. He can't help but feel everything. Feel for everyone. If he notices, he'll make time to listen to you and ease your pain as much as possible even if that means sacrificing himself for you... and Michi noticed that because they were similar. Michi found Geto as precious as Geto found Riko as such:

This part of chap.5 made me wonder if Michi could have caught feelings for Geto (maybe one-sided). Since their first interactions, I always thought they could have had something if the circumstances were different and, well... if Gojo wasn't there intervening lol.

(Maybe it's just me that I want them to be together. I know well that Geto and Gojo were made for eachother :)

Michi, despite his jealousy towards Gojo, he cared for both in his own way. I feel like what Michi was trying to with this whole plan (what a plot wist btw I gasped when I read it) aside from getting rid of Gojo he tried to "spare" Geto from his deplorable mental state by making him accept the reality of their line of work (like a twisted act of love?👀) but chose not to just like Gojo chose to avoid getting any closer to Geto once he realised that he was weaker than him to protect him.

Geto is too precious to be corrupted by any of them, so Michi couldn't bring himself to "steal" Geto from Gojo and "enlighten" him with the harsh reality of being in the Jujutsu world.

If someone had to change, it was Geto himself by his own will and... so he did on chap.7 when he was once again reminded of how little their lives meant if they weren't as strong as Gojo.

After Gojo vs. Michi's fight, Michi is left defeated on the ground without his eyes. He asks for a last request: to be killed by Geto instead of Gojo.

I think it was a very smart decision to pick Geto instead of Gojo to do the job. Gojo would have killed Michi in less than seconds. Gojo didn't care about a weaklings' life who were just on his way.

Forgetting the dead ones is a necessity. A self-defense mechanism to keep them attached to their jobs more efficiently.

Sorcerers were meant to sacrifice their humanity to safe people, and once they die, they're ready to be forgotten and replaced by other sorcerers. It was a cycle.

Their lives are cheap, just like the lives of the prostitutes Michi was so defensive with.

Those women were doing their job, just like Gojo, Geto, and Michi, but they could die in the hands of anyone any day and then... the blame would fall on them for being "weak, because "they were looking for it when they got in the industry. " Lastly, they'd be forgotten and replaced with other prostitutes.

How different were those prostitutes from Gojo and the rest of the sorcerers? Risking their bodies for the sake of someone else's pleasure (the higher ups), accepting being dehumanised for a salary... They're not really that different, are they?

(I fear that was peak literature, links🫡)

Geto didn't kill Michi because he knew that Gojo could have killed both of them if he wanted... and he wouldn't have cared after doing so because he was programmed like that. He programmed himself like that to function in such a world.

At that moment, Gojo embodied the Jujutsu world's philosophy, and Geto knew that. Geto realised, once again, that he was weak compared to him. He was just one of those prostitutes, like Michi. Geto was, unlike Gojo, too weak to kill Michi.

Another detail that could be coincidence:

"Why does the story begin with the prostitute dying?"

That's funny (not really). At the beginning of jjk, the original story, first season, Geto, had already died by that time we just didn't know yet...

Thank you for this amazing first part of your fic links. I'll soon read the rest parts too. Idk if I'll be able to keep doing this asks all the time due to college, but I may send you an ask gushing about your writing from time to time! :p

Again ty for answering me and sorry again for bombarding you with this kind of yap sessions lmao

I hope you're doing well!💞

(Michi's official design just for you. He 's 29 in this not 18, he grew up from a Twink into a Mommy).

First of all, thank goodness Michi didn't die at the end of this first part (God bless Geto for this, man. I was tempted to stop reading if Michi died bruh😭) I love a lot Michi, and for me, he's part of the jjk cast (at least in my heart idc😔🤟). He fits perfectly in its world. His backstory, the themes he brought to the plot, how much you can get from him when you compare him with either Gojo or Geto.

Michi is baiscally immortal. In the sense that his entire story revolves around the fact that prostitutes are treated like they're completely expendable by both our society, and also most of fiction. Michi the son of a prostitute and another victim of sexual abuse stubbornly refuses to die, because in this version his little life in worth something.

I'm glad you liked him. Michi is basically someone I created to characterize Gojo, by one being a narrator observing Gojo from the outside, but two being an unreliable narrator to illustrate that there's really no understanding Gojo the best you get as a reader is Michi's interpretation of Gojo which is heavily biased and flawed because of Michi's own projections and jealousies towards him.

However, Michi just kind of became a character of his own and left the role of Narrator. That's why I don't describe what Michi looks like at all until his conversation with Geto where he sees his reflection, like oh yeah, he's a person with a face. He has an identity of his own he's not just a pair of eyes watching Gojo. Michi himself is just a tertiary character in Geto and Gojo's narrative because he's observing from the outside but he's still his own person with his own story to tell.

Geto and Michi had a very insightful convo. They are almost parallels, but they differ on one aspect you already explained to me in another ask I sent you: Michi confronted Geto. Right in front of his face. The world had already warned Geto with Riko's death in the hands of a mere "monkey." Someone sensitive, like Geto, would not survive in the world of Jujutsu. You can not save everyone when not even your life holds any value to the ones on top in charge of protecting you.

Michi is the midpoint between Geto and Gojo, deeply empathic like Geto and yet unable to relate to his fellow human beings like Gojo even if for completely opposite reasons. However, I do think Michi has given up on the idea that Gojo will ever understand him in spite of the fact that he still feels a lot towards Gojo.

However, Michi still desperately wants to be understood, which is why in spite of acting like a mastermind who wants to entrap both Gojo and Geto in his scheme he goes out of his way to try to explain himself to Geto and try to get Geto to see the world the way he does because Geto is the only person, perhaps in his entire life, that has given any kind of inkling that he might care.

Michi wants to be cared about, but he feels like when his mother died, there was no one else in the world obligated to care for him or take care of him. Geto is just someone who genuinely cares, Michi didn't think people like him still existed in this world.

That broke Geto and eventually caused his breakup with Gojo because Geto realised that he was weak. That he did care. He never forgot Riko like Gojo. He felt guilty for letting his feelings overwhelm him and ruin his relationship with Gojo. He started to understand that compassion and empathy were a weakness. Those feelings were the reason he got so careless. It was his fault that Riko died:

On the other hand I think the reason Michi immediately connected to Geto, is because Geto actually wears his human weakness on his sleeve. Geto's inability to show human weakness is what destroys his friendship with Gojo, especially since Gojo doesn't want to see that weakness in his best friend who is the only person he sees as an equal. On the other hand Michi is attracted to Geto because of his unwavering humanity.

Geto really is too sensitive to survive in this world, and Michi knows that, while Gojo is oblivious to that, but that knowledge just kind of makes Michi find Geto as someone precious. Geto is someone who's actually not all that mentally strong, he's vulernable and weak, and gets hurt because he cares too much and he can't actually just suck it all up and handle the strain of being a sorcerer but those things make him human in michi's eyes. He doesn't want Geto to suck it up and be stronger, he doesn't want Geto to become someone unfeeling and untouchable, to lose his sensitivty and empathy even if both things end up driving him mad. And after the fact, Michi decides to do the opposite of Gojo, and stay by his side and walk the same path as him.

I think simply because Michi wants to protect him. He doesn't want the world to kill this caring person the same way that it killed his mother, even though Geto has completely lost his way.

This part of chap.5 made me wonder if Michi could have caught feelings for Geto (maybe one-sided). Since their first interactions, I always thought they could have had something if the circumstances were different and, well... if Gojo wasn't there intervening lol.

Uh so word of god. Michi is in love with Geto. It's not what you'd consider traditional romantic love, because Michi doesn't really feel romantic love. If I had to compare it to anything it would be Itsuki fell for Sensui.

Loving Geto for being pure as the driven snow and continuing to love him after he fell into despair and became defiled.

I don't think Michi would ever sleep with Geto though even though he sleeps around with men a lot. Not because I'm like Oc X Canon is bad, but because he thinks Geto belongs to Gojo.

aside from getting rid of Gojo he tried to "spare" Geto from his deplorable mental state by making him accept the reality of their line of work (like a twisted act of love?👀) but chose not to just like Gojo chose to avoid getting any closer to Geto once he realised that he was weaker than him to protect him.

Michi's plans definitely shifted halfway through when he connected to Geto so quickly. I think it's like you said, Michi believed he had to show Geto the cruelty of the world. It's that logic that parents sometimes say, "I have to be cruel to you to teach you, because the world won't be easy on you." Also, like Itsuki above I think Michi detected those dark impulses in Geto brewing just under the surface, and wanted to drag them up. Because one, he saw a common spirit in Geto, and two I think he knew Geto was repressing himself so hard he was basically killing himself to function as a cog in society.

I think Michi just wanted Geto to leave cursed society though, he never could have predicted Geto would go on to be a mass murderer, and never would have wanted that to happen. Even if he still stuck by his side after the fact.

After Gojo vs. Michi's fight, Michi is left defeated on the ground without his eyes. He asks for a last request: to be killed by Geto instead of Gojo. I think it was a very smart decision to pick Geto instead of Gojo to do the job. Gojo would have killed Michi in less than seconds. Gojo didn't care about a weaklings' life who were just on his way.

Michi's decision to ask Geto to do it instead of Gojo is simultaneously a calculation (he knew Gojo was going to kill him without hesitation but he was counting on the fact Geto would hesitate) and also a small act of mercy. Even though Gojo would kill him and forget about him soon afterwards, he doesn't think Gojo should be forced to kill his own family member because of how inhuman that act is.

Gojo shouldn't have to get his hands dirty and give away just another piece of his humanity for Jujutsu Society yet again, is Michi's logic.

Those women were doing their job, just like Gojo, Geto, and Michi, but they could die in the hands of anyone any day and then... the blame would fall on them for being "weak, because "they were looking for it when they got in the industry. " Lastly, they'd be forgotten and replaced with other prostitutes. How different were those prostitutes from Gojo and the rest of the sorcerers? Risking their bodies for the sake of someone else's pleasure (the higher ups), accepting being dehumanised for a salary... They're not really that different, are they?

I'm glad you got the metaphor that basically the whole fic was built around. If you like this, it's an idea I explore further with Mei Mei's character in my most recent fic. Basically, Mei Mei like Michi has the same point of view. That Sorcerers are basically prostitutes who sell their body and enter a dangerous line of work where their lives mean nothing for money.

That every sorcerer is an expendable target, and when they die it's their own fault. That the system makes them put themselves in danger, and then blames them for becoming Jujutsu Sorcerers in the first place because they should have known the risk, nevermind how rigged society is against them. How the elders and people in charge do absolutely nothing to protect them.

Anyway, I'm glad you liked the fics and I try just as hard to explore similiar themes in my later fics. I basically like to build each fic around a central idea, like "Don't you hate how prostitutes always die in the beginning of mystery novels?" So I hope since you're such a good reader you'll enjoy the themes of my later fics.

[beetlewine-art]

Okay, i've been thinking a lot about "The Bride of Frankenstein" as a character in the original novel, and something i see people mentioning a lot is that Victor could have just made the Bride sterile if he was so afraid of the two monsters reproducing. But i have to say, even if he did finished the Bride, let's call her Elsa to make things easier, and sterilized her by not giving her an uterus, things would still end badly, for him, the Monster and the Bride.

Let's ignore the big posibility of Elsa not liking her intended husband, The monster/Adam. Because one of the reasons why Víctor decided not to finish Elsa was because he realised that just because he made Adam a bride, it didn't mean that she will like him.

But let's say that the two creatures get alone great and fall in love with eachother, that Elsa is happy with being Adam's wife, so Adam keeps his promise and leaves Victor and Elizabeth alone, runing away with Elsa.

There is a big posibility of them eventualy wanting a child of their own. Adam's (very limited) knowledge of women comes from the Bible, he knows that the union between a man and a woman usually leads to them having a baby, and i don't think he would be oposed to having children. Since he asked Víctor to make him a Bride so he wouldn't be alone anymore, he might see kids as something that naturaly comes with having a wife.

Now, Adam could bring this up to Elsa and 2 things could happend:

1) Elsa wouldn't be on board, she could love Adam very much but still not want kids for whatever reason and this could make Adam angry/disapointed. They could still be toguether or they split, and if the second happends, then Víctor's fears of having two lonely monsters to deal with comes true. This might even lead to a Lilith/Eve situation where Adam looks for Victor again and demands another bride, one that is willing to have kids with him.

2) She could totally like the idea of having a kid with Adam and becoming a mother, Adam is happy and both of them are exited. But after a while, they are still childless and decide to look for Victor again. Now, Víctor could either tell the truth saying that he chose to make Elsa unable to have kids or he could lie and say that for whatever reason, they couldn't have kids.

Imagine how angry and heartbroken Elsa would be after hearing that the choice of having a child was striped away from her, just because her creator didn't like the idea of having more creatures around. Her and Adam might demand that Víctor "fix this" by making them a kid or could take revenge on Víctor by killing Elizabeth like in the original novel. Even if Víctor lied about why they can't have kids, nothing is stoping the couple from demanding that he makes them a kid or two. How many kids would they want? 2? 4? 6? How many kids would Víctor have to make for them?.

I think my point is clear right? Removing the Bride's ability to have kids doesn't remove the posibility of things not working out for her and the creature, even if they end up liking eachother and chose not to have kids regardless if they can or can't have them. They will still be outcasts and will be seen as monsters by society, life will still be dificult even if they have eachother and nothing guarantes that their relationship will last.

Victor might not have considered all this scenarios but what he did consider was enough to make him realise two things: The Bride will have a mind of her own, she'll have agency just like The Creature, and there is no actual guarante that she will want to be the Eve to his Adam. And he would be making the same mistake twice, playing God and bringing life to something that shouldn't be alive in the first place, a creature that will most likely be miserable because it doesn't fit in society.

There is a reason why the movie "Bride of Frankenstein" ends the way that it does.

[return-of-a-space-cowboy]

🧚‍♀️ Anon

Sorry it’s be awhile! I was in a slump trying to figure out a good Mythology Story but I did write a list on what JJBA characters would be for certain Gods

Johnathan as Zeus - Hear me OUT!! (He is faithful to his beloved Erina instead of an unfaithful cheater!) He would take a more platonic route because he has his beloved Erina unless they both end up infatuated with someone and are fine with sharing (I fucking hate mythology Zeus because he’s such a dick and deserves death for all the shit he did)

Erina is Hera - She trusts her beloved as he’s faithful to her (Because he would never cheat on her)

Jotaro as Poseidon - This works so well since he’s a Marine Biologist (I feel like he’s the one who ends up being harassed instead of the other way around)

Joseph as Ares - Both are cocky, arrogant and proud when it comes to a battle

Caesar as Aphrodite - This works because of his personality, though he’ll come off as a womanizer and he’s about love and romance (Though I did have a thought of him being Eros a god of Love)

Dio as Hades - He and Johnathan are brothers after all (I feel bad for Hades for this pick because Hades is actually the nicest God in the Greek Pantheon) and it fits since Dio is a Vampire

Kars is either Erebus or Chaos (Because the Pillarmen are an ancient race) and yes, I know it would fit with the Pillarmen to be Aztec/Mayan Gods but I’m unfamiliar with that Pantheon (Except that the gods have long and impossible to spell names that you need to constantly look over to see if you spelt it right 😭) anyways! The Pillarman work as either Primordials or Titans because they’ve been around longer than the Gods

Esidisi is Prometheus (He stole fire)

Wammu is Boreas (He was known as the strongest and cruelest of the 4 Titans of Wind) and he’s known for acting upon violence as it’s more natural to him

Santana is Epimetheus (He lacked foresight in creation but is intelligent, as he was the one who gifted every animal a unique trait until it came to humans)

This is what I have so far! But I have different ideas for certain characters as certain gods or mythical creatures for stories!

Ok so we've already covered Joseph and Caesar. I see Giorno as persephone, born between Dio and a mortal and being taken in by Jonathan and Erina before being brought to the underworld once Dio knew about his existence.

Jonanthan and Erina as Zues and Hera

I like the idea. I think darling would be someone with a position associated with Erina (midwife or celebrant) and excels at it. (Need more poly Jorina in my life)

Erina takes notice of her work and offers to bring her to Olympus to bless her as disciple. However during darlings stay Jonathan and Erina notice certain actions towards darling that they would share. She's sent back before the two eventually they talk about it to eachother and are rather open to the idea of having darling as a third in their relationship.

Awhile later darling is told to come back as there is a wedding being held at Olympus. Wanting to surprise darling that they'll marry her, perhaps under the impression that darling will reciprocate.

Dio as hades

Angered that his brother earnt the loyalty of the other gods Dio has been waiting for a moment to strike Jonathan in a way that hurts.

So I propose that I tie in this part with jojo and Erina's. If darling didn't want the marriage Dio steps in. He offers her to stay in the underworld until this mess all blows over (it won't). After a few months he decides he'll make his move, he tells her that it seems the only way Jonathan and Erina will stop is if she marries another God. He's right there, it doesn't even need to be an actual relationship, she can just go back like nothing ever happened. What darling doesn't know is that the pomegranates he's so graciously offered her have bound her to the underworld, he's told her nothing but lies to fool her into marriage. It's his elaborate plan to make Jonathan relinquish his role to him.

He's considered unleashing the titans but he knows that if he did so that would only put him beneath them. No different then now.

Jotaro as Poseidon

Ok basing this loosely the tale of Andromeda.

Darling is the princess of a coastal kingdom. In an attempt to marry her off they claim she is more beautiful then the sea nymphs. Upon hearing such they begin to ravange the coastal kingdom with tsunamis, promising to stop only when darling is sacrificed.

So darling is chained up to the bottom of the cliff as the tide comes in. The nymphs telling her tales of the serpent that will soon eat her. Only for Jotaro to arrive instead. He tells them to leave before breaking the chains.

Truth is he's had his eye on her for quite some time and now happened to be the perfect opportunity. He will bring her into the depths of the ocean, never to see the land again.

Titan pillarmen

Darling has entered the underworld (either dead or looking to bring someone back) and gets lost deep within, eventually met with four stone statues before her. She hears a voice echo through the cave. "Free us and you shall have whatever you desire" they bellow.

Foolish darling accepts the offer and is told how to break the seal and she does unaware of the titans. She gets what she wants but of course the titans would not simply let her go. She must have the honor of serving them after her fruitful labor. They're probably around 18ft compared to the gods who are around 10 to 12ft.

[alexjcrowley]

I am watching Heat and making it everyone else's problem, BUT Al Pacino and De Niro in there are top tier queerplatonic relationship goals. Obviously no hate to the shippers who see them romantically involved, it's definitely something that I could see, but let me push my aromantic agenda here.

Because, honestly, Pacino and De Niro being like "this hunt, this kind of rush is my life, I can only get a woman to stay with me for limited time, because it's this what gets me going, being a criminal/hunting criminal"? SIRS MAY I SUGGEST YOU ARE BOTH LOOKING FOR A ROMANTIC PARTNER BECAUSE IT FEELS LIKE WHAT YOU SHOULD DO BUT YOU'RE PRETTY GOOD ON YOUR OWN?

Don't get me wrong, I feel like Pacino cares about his wife and his wife's daughter a lot, but he doesn't love his wife romantically, you know what I mean? He chose a woman he likes and likes to have sex with, and he cares about her but no romo. Even when she says "I'm going out" without him, he doesn't explode into a jealous fit, he is just like "okay, I get you're angry with me, I'll go do my thing now" and that's that.

Robert De Niro being the only one of the group without a partner AND NOT EVEN LOOKING FOR ONE (it's Eady who goes to him). And I'll be honest, him meeting a woman and asking her to move to New Zealnd with him after two weeks to me seems a pretty forced writing choice. Just because they wanted to get him a woman, you know?

Of course the conversation at the bar between Pacino and De Niro is an iconic movie moment per se, but if I put my aro lenses on watching it I love it even more. I like to think their experiences are similar also because they don't need romance in their life, they basically have no place for it.

Pacino is like "my sentimental life is a mess and I wouldn't want it any other way if it meant abandoning what I think is my life purpose" and De Niro is like "Nah, I get it, to keep doing what I do I'd too drop everything that could stop me, romantic partner included".

I don't know, it's like "aromantic meets another aromantic for the first time in their life, turns out they have quite a lot in common".

And I like the idea of them developing some sort of qpr also in a sense that their relationship with eachothers, as cop and criminal, is what keeps them alive and makes their life interesting. That's what fuels them, not a happy ending with their loved one, but the thrill of the hunt!

I know obviously the movie wasn't intended to be aromantic and I don't mean to flatten the interpretation of Heat by reducing it to a queer reading, but there are basically zero movies about aromanticism and when I see a film in which at least one character could be interpreted as aro (usually when they're very focused on their job and they seem to gain more issues than benefits from romantic relationships) I can't help but being like "me! They're like me!". So indulge me, please.

Pacino and De Niro in this movie really feel like Sherlock and Watson in a way, let me explain. I always disliked that part in Sherlock adaptation when John ends up with Mary and wants to marry her and move on from his aventurous life with Sherlock, and not because I want John to be romantically involved with Sherlock, but because I think John is giving up a fantastic, intriguing, exciting life to...be married. If you were to aske me "would you prefer to settle down with a ring on your finger or live the rest of your days solving mystery wuth your best friend" that's not even a question for me, I choose the second option.

And Pacino and De Niro in Heat are people who would choose the second option in a blink like me! Yes, they want to keep ghe hunt going, the adrenaline pumping, they couldn't sit at home watching tv and eating roast, where's the adventure, where's the fire???? The best moment of their day is not at home with their partner, in on the field, oursmarting the other!!!! As far as I am concerned, they said aro rights to me, I don't care. Qpr goals, they wouldn't settle down together, they would play the cat and mouse game for as long as they can meeting weekly in cafe to update the other about the rest of their life and flirt.

After spending 5 days hiding in some secret cove, De Niro walks into a bar where Al Pacino held a sit for him, they order coffee and Pacino is like "What are you doing this days?" "Oh, same old stuff, caught Starsky & Hutch on TV yesterday" "Oh, so you're hiding in a place that has a TV and decent enough signal :)" "Yeah, you got me, what about you ^-^"

It makes sense in my head I swear. They flirt all the time but in a queerplatonic way you know what I mean. You know it.

[cogbreath]

i waint to hea r your bbt things

sheldon is also not the only one whos autistic imo. im not certain of who i all headcanon as such, but i feel its a fitting one for amy and bernadette actually. i think a lot of the problems with the way sheldon's autism is written is the fact that other characters don't *respect* him about it. like his needs and behaviors are often belittled or treated as nonsensical. overall i think everyone should be much kinder and understanding about it towards him seeing as they are literally his friends and all.

also probably a nitpicky thing and a matter of my own autistic sensory preferences but i feel it makes more sense for sheldon to NOT wear his sleeves rolled up for sensory reasons. whatever though im allowed to project. also i think they missed an opportunity to explore his interest in vexillology more? like there was maybe 1 or 2 episodes i remember about it but if youve ever met a vexillology enjoyer you know its a common topic they gush about.

speaking of gushing i think the dynamic between sheldon and amy would be like. two autistic best friends who love to infodump at eachother and do parallel activities. at most maybe they have some sort of queerplatonic thing going on? but im not actually super versed in what that means despite being aromantic myself xP

oh anothet thing that bothers me is how the female characters are written as not getting any of the geeky stuff??? it's stupid. like, yeah penny isnt a nerd, but she's an aspiring actress i think she would know what a star trek is. -_- honestly like, all of them would understand a lot of those things and are probably into similar stuff. bbt seems to think that like, these are Guy interests that all women dont understand or get when in reality like, dc comics n shit like that, literally your average person can follow along so i hate that they make the women seem as if they don't understand star wars references.

obviously this is probably one of the most common complaints about the show but id love to have made a lot of the pop culture references controlled and niche. we dont need a reference every other 5 minutes, id like to define each character's interests in a more sensicle way outside of just "haha guys look theres nerd stuff on tv hahah did you guys get that reference"?

also another problem is the way howard behaves. like some episodes his behavior is like, sexual harassment at times, which is met with a laugh track every time. not cool, and unnecessary, should be written to be more respectful. and then of course id like to make him have a better view of his mother, the dynamic in the show is one based off of antisemitic stereotypes about jewish mothers, and thats shitty. i wont retcon it to be a perfect mother/son relationship, like they would definitely still bicker, but i want to potray his mother as more than nagging and obsessive, like perhaps she does care too much and doesn't always treat him as an adult at times, but i dont find a lot of the overall nastiness that happens in the show between them to be funny or interesting.

raj is a pretty okay character imho, but definitely needs to be written more respectfully. He is a major example of the trope of characters of colour being sidelined. like the fact he was the ONLY character to be single in the end of the series? its kinda fucked up lol. obviously as mentioned before i think raj x howard should be the canon outcome. howeber both of them are bisexual, they both are potrayed as having interest in women; but i also think their interest in eachother is serious, or at least should be written as such. its also probably likely that the way he's written in terms of his culture should be improved but i havent gotten around to that just yet. i also think his anxiety issues should have been written with more respect, like the fact he was physically unable to talk to girls i think shouldnt have been an issue he had with *just* women. it seems they were trying to potray him as having selective mutism? but obviously thats not a thing that ONLY happens when one is a around ppl they r attracted to.

bernadette im actually rlly excited to write better because she reminds me of myself at times. i will dial her mischievous nature and her interest in microbiology up to 10. i will make her infodump about prions just i do.

also imho leonard is transmasc. i dont have any like, "evidence" or theory for why i think that other than just he feels that way to me. not that we even need justifications for transgender headcanons around these parts though.

also wil wheaton will NOT be existing anymore as a character in the narrative due to the fact he blocked me on tumblr for some dumbass shit. LOL.

uh i didnt expect to actually have all that much to say about this show... LOL.. enjoy my rambling!

[sugashook]

Episode 5 character analysis - ANTOINETTE -

unconditional love

Ed, Stede, Frenchie and Oluwande walk into the boat party celebration, instead of the bigoted French phrenologist that was invited. The boat which represents Stede's insides. They're celebrating something which he can't understand, the new feelings inside of him.

Ed representing the feelings between them, the feelings of love with purple (blue[stede] and red[ed] together) with gold detailing representing the strength of their love, oluwande as ed's heart dressed in all red, and Frenchie representing piracy in black.

The four of them split up and Stede and Ed (who represents their love together) enter himself and meet Antoinette.

Antoinette is dressed to resemble The Queen of Hearts. The red queen(which parallels zheng who we see in season 2) What does a queen of hearts represent?

the Queen of hearts represents the feelings of unconditional and caring love, with her strong nurturing aura she commands the court of emotions and relationship. She basically controls and rules over love in Stede's insides.

She's the concept of unconditional love, she also has a seemingly normal relationship with her husband that's next to her, Gabriel(I believe he represents Ed's heart).

Her hair is split into two by white jewelry, white represents change and something new. So is the concept of unconditional love being split in two by change and this new and interesting guy. Her chest is covered in colorful jewels to represent all the colors stede's unconditional love is holding inside his chest (chest which contains the heart and feelings.)

They introduce eachother, and the couple asks if they can recognize where Antoinette is from. Where did the strange concept of true love inside of Stede even come from?

Stede doesn't know the answer to that and doesn't understand her or where she comes from even if he is FEELING IT he's feeling the sincere true love inside himself. Then, what he is feeling, the love, speaks up. (notice the orange woman[stede's heart] and the red dressed [ed's heart] right behind them, staring at the love speaking up)

The queen of hearts dismisses Stede completely, focusing on the entertaining love.

Then their colors together = ed wearing the purple suit, stop stede with his totally outlandish story. Stede probably thought 'that's not how to act, you're so weird' their love, their feelings towards one another are strange and inappropriate, it shouldn't even be there at the party!

These feelings are playing music, dancing, laughing, drinking and celebrating. Stede is very upset at this easy flowing love. What's it doing and what is going on? Of course Stede doesn't understand those feelings yet he just feels them inside his chest.

As their love gets accepted by Antoinette and gets ready to dine, Stede goes outside of himself to talk to piracy (Frenchie). He knows they're all fake and so is unconditional love, all his feelings are usually bullies towards him and aren't real or acknowledged by other people, who ignore his feelings and stede himself.

Ed on the other hand HAS experienced sincere love in his childhood, from his mother! Stede has not! But! Then! She/ unconditional love touches Ed and the love of Ed and Stede together and it flinches back, scared. Yeah they have feelings towards each other, but is it real? Sincere? They don't know.

the unconditional love touches ed/their love right before eating like right before the thing he gets triggered the most about and then laughs at him, like the possibility of true love laughs at him because he's such a monster, but even after ed threatens them and becomes 'the monster' it doesnt affect them at all, it's just funny to them. which is a good thing they realize ed is just a scared baby that lashed out.

right before ed was about to eat, unconditional love touched him and he flinched cause he was being put to the test, he was preparing for this, to behave well to fit into stede's world, but he failed the test. and that triggered him to end it all right now! but

Stede sees the love outside of himself, tells it to calm down and proceeds to go back inside of himself. He didn't fail any test! i love 100% of you! He gets his heart Abshir, Ed's heart Oluwande and piracy (Frenchie) together to see what's actually going on inside of himself.

He gathers all the information his heart gives him and realizes many things.

They realize that Antoinette's relationship since birth has been sick and wrong, but she pretended it was fine. The concept of unconditional love was in a sick relationship since birth. Probably for Ed too the way he felt like he had to defend his mom.

And all the emotions inside stede start fighting each other, it all becomes a jumbled mess it's too much to handle.

Their love comes back inside to see what's going on. It realizes Stede's insides are on fire and he's a mess, it accepts the love inside of himself and it burns fires of passion and love inside himself.

!!!!BUT WAIT!!!!!!

are they and stede ignoring the very real 'ed will kill me and everyone else' route thats about to happen, well yes! Ed is a very real abusive psycho weirdo but ummm if you get really lucky you'll get a hot boyfriend out of it

The orange,white,blue and purple fire Stede lit in Ed's red heart spreads along Stede's insides and now his insides are entirely on fire.

Stede's heart, their love together, and Stede reacting to him catching feelies.

And that's how Antoinette dies! The old, sick, bad, unnatural concept of true unconditional love with their families is dead FOR BOTH OF THEM, but nothing in OFMD is trully dead, a new concept of unconditional love and that is each-other. Possibly also The red queen zheng yisao in s2.

+Also Stede saw that antoinette belonged inside of him he has the concept of unconditional love inside of himself but it is pretty rotten, his family's concept of it is its old and out of tune with them they need a new concept of love

[c-u-c-koo-4-40k]

First of all I'm Super glad you've all enjoyed this...Beast of a chapter. @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan and I had so much fun adding and tweaking things. Though I will say if next chapter ends up looking this long we might go ahead and split that one into two parts.

@sleepyfan-blog Ooooo indeed! Romance! Suspense! Drama! Glad you get the vibe we're going for!

@egrets-not-regrets i look foreward to hear more of your thoughts. I now this chapter has A Lot in it.

Just read through your expanded thoughts a EEp! Love the feedback. Thressl is fun and even Kerubiel in all his sour cat energy is a joy to work with. And Yes! The relationship and bond status does have an element of choice that others don't have as much, but in order to see the good in that, Khopesh and Lullaby first have to come to grips with the...less nice parts of it.

@kit-williams so much LORE it would make game theory jealous! And to think this all comes from the collaborative efforts of this community! It's wild!

Also Yes Anrir is very Dad, and he's a dad trying to figure out something that could affect his many gremlins kids. He's not playing around!

@passionofthesith Glad you liked that part! That Gloomy Bat line was gallifrey, it only fits as Thressl is one of their ocs. I also like how both Thressl and Kerubiel got some time to flex their character here. And indeed! Khopesh is going to have to both Be Tough and Tough it out cause when one conflict is resolved another soon comes.

I look forward to Khopesh's next interaction with Kerubiel, especially with what we've got planned for the next fic! >:3

@felinisnoctis Thank you! Because this series started out with only very little plot, I worried Khopesh could come off flat or like His motivations and insecurities weren't as well built up. Khopesh has essentially had a small wake up call in this fic that a relationship with Lullaby isn't going to be as simple as he thought it would be. Just banter, kiss,, get frisky, eventually kill that custodes hanging over my special one's life like the sword of damocles then we can spend the rest of time repeating parts one to three.

This is the first time Khopesh realizes, "oh shit...I have No idea how this is actually supposed to work??"

He saw the...at best dubious consent type relationships between serfs and the Nightlords who more or less chose For them. But Khopesh never had a relationship like that, so his only experience with those is from the outside looking in.

With Lullaby he has even less experience, cause what they want is an average romantic relationship and there wasn't much time to examine those. Although, given that I've mentioned his hobby was people watching/stalking back on Nostramo, he might have seen brief glimpses of more regular relationships.

But again, he'd have only seen those in passing.

Stuff to consider going forward

@bispecsual Once again your tags be filling me with the serotonin! As someone who Likes spicy food but Loathes spicy without flavor I identify with Both Khopesh and Lullaby here.

And yes! This relationship will heavily feature the idea of Choice, which would normally be a given but with the power dynamics it actually becomes more complicated.

Khopesh has been Heavily influenced by the time he's spent around his human parents, and how they treat eachother though he's not fully aware of that yet.

They're the one healthy relationship he's seen regularly, so while unconsciously he Wants Lullaby and him to have the same.

He's just also working through his confusion because he never saw how Gary and Nancy Started that healthy relationship. So his experiences are very muddled.

Like...he knows Gary and Nancy's relationship is wonderful, but he doesn't understand How they got there. The only relationships he's regularly witnessed at their formation are the Nightlord Serf ones.

But he Knows what he has with Lullaby and what his parents have really don't Fit that dynamic. Even the Nightlord Serf relationships he saw last a while didn't look or feel like his Vada and Muti's relationship. Or the one he's making with Lullaby.

Poor boy is Confused.

Also that element of choice regarding Lullaby's broken bond will not always be an easy thing to grasp with. More on that, in the next chapter!

@bleedingichorhearts The one thing I Will say is the bond is fundamentally Changed. Which is the grand scheme is neither good nor bad, But it no longer functions as a regular bond does. But perhaps I've said too much. 🤭

What do I Know About You? - Part 2

Its finally Heeeeeere! This was another Awesome collaboration with @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan who not only lent characters but also cowrote thic massive chunk of words back and forth with me! Also this one is Long so bring a Lunch!

Summary: Lullaby and Khopesh Finally get to have their first date, and things don't go quite as planned. Was there even a plan? No aside from a deeply uncomfortable talk about trauma and expectations. Meanwhile the others back at base scramble to understand the strange Zap and the odd recognition Anrir felt upon seeing Lullaby. Many things stand in their way; fear, uncertainty and worst of all...Paperwork!

Tags: @kit-williams (who let me use Anrir and Ghosk though his presenceis only implied!) @sleepyfan-blog @bleedingichorhearts @passionofthesith @egrets-not-regrets @bispecsual

Warnings: Negative self talk, fear and prejudice speak towards Nightlords and psychers, talk of stress induced self harm (scratching and skin picking), and public PDA

First Fic/Prequel to this series click Here:

Directly previous fic can be found here:

Next one: Coming hopefully soon.

Enjoy!

“Uh- Anrir something… Strange happened,” Claude shuffles over to where Anrir is and explains. “... I wasn’t accessing my powers, I - I wouldn’t hurt someone accidentally, or on purpose, without just cause. I just shook Lullaby’s hand- I… I…I don’t know what that was about.”

He looks down at his hands, unable to look Anrir in the face. Cursed. Having warp powers means one is cursed. Who in the name of the God Emperor ever desired such things is an imbecile. Warp powers are a curse, to the person who has them and those around them.

Anrir's face remained calm- but his eyes were a storm of emotion at hearing the confused, stuttered explanation from Claude. His initial emotion is panic, as Anrir recalls that Claude is unbonded and that means he could take actions against Humans easily. Then he remembers how soft his son could be- and watches how worried and upset the youngster is. Claude hadn't wanted to hurt the human, or intended to do so.

Anrir starts to comfort Claude- he doesn’t fully understand psykers, or their abilities, but he does know that Claude ever strives to control his abilities and really doesn’t like it when that control slips. Especially if he accidentally hurts others as a consequence, because the training that he and the other boys received on Mars hadn’t … well. It had certainly been effective in some ways, and also had a lot of unintended side effects too. Those mechanical bastards.

Claude is really grateful that Anrir is here, trying to calm him down, Karlsor had not been great at that- mostly swearing at him and scolding him, as well as asking demanding questions, that he really didn’t have answers for, and accusing him of doing a Zap on purpose, which he hadn’t done so. 

“Walk me through what happened, step by step,” Anrir asks as he gently pats one of Claude’s shoulders soothingly.

Claude nods and verbally goes over the entire interaction, as well as what he’d been thinking, feeling, and other sensory outputs as well. He looks at one of his slightly shaking hands and once he’s gone through the whole interaction again, he’s a lot calmer, a slightly thoughtful look crosses his face.

“When I was younger… and back on Mars,” Claude says slowly, now that he’s thinking and not panicking, “The times where I would accidentally zap others like that- was if… was if I wasn’t aware they were fellow Psykers and my powers would just kinda… poke at theirs? But- I didn’t think Ancient Terra had native psykers so soon?”

Anrir hums softly and thinks, "They might not be awake. Their powers could be there but they might not be fully active... the Sorcerers have theorized that why the Warp is so weak might be linked to the Eye of Terror... since it's not here in the current time." His fingers soothingly move through Claude's hair. "Which means that only extraordinarily strong psykers can manifest much of anything during this current time which is probably why it's hard for you and you probably can only do it because of your training. Again those are just theories."

“Oh,” Claude says quietly, “... So they have the potential for it then. Like… like ice that has flowing water underneath it?”

“Interesting euphemism,” Anrir muses, “I’ll have to check with some of the Sorcerers, but I think that’s an accurate description.”

Jophiel and Cedric are moving with purpose- but not trying to be super fast as they get to Claude’s side. The Blood Angel is trying not to fluff his wings aggressively at Karlsor or Anrir.  Jophiel gently grabs one of Claude’s arms- the one with the hand that had touched Lullaby.

“Claude- there you are!” Jophiel trills at his brother-cousin, sounding as normal as possible.

Jophiel can be rather tactile- it’s something that Claude knows well. But the way that Jophiel is squeezing his arm, something bugging his younger brother-cousin. Claude’s gaze snaps to Jophiel’s as his gaze sweeps over his younger brother-cousin and notices that Jophiel is Spooked by something. “Did you need something Jophie?”

“... Yes, Ced and I want to talk to Claude. Privately and alone.” Jophiel says cheerfully. His eyes slide over to the First Born and Terran Born Space Marines, lightly trying to tug Claude away from them.

His smile is a tad too toothsome to be polite, and the red is bleeding into his eyes more. Usually Jophie doesn’t get too aggressive so quickly. Just what could be bothering him. “Uh- sure Jophie.”

Before Claude could move towards his brother, Karlsor speaks up with his own growl. One of his hands twitching a little- he usually wasn’t bothered by the feathery little shit head- but the little bastard is hiding something. Karlsor can tell.  

“You can fuckin’ talk with us nearby,” Karlsor points out, with a not quite snarl- noticing the twitchy way that Jophiel was moving. Also teeth. That’s a lot of shiny sharp chompers the brat has. “And it ain’t nice to threaten others, we wanna help.”

Jophiel narrows his eyes a little at Karlsor, “... I want to talk to Claude first.”

Claude had told the other Primaris Marines about that one First Born Raven Guard Captain and his flock of brothers- the ones from M42 who had known what the Captain was doing to him, but looked the other way. 

As well as how Karlsor, Anrir and the rest of the Claw reacted, and how they’d gotten him Justice for the shit-show that had been M42. It has helped his brothers start to trust at least some specific First Born Brothers a bit more. Still- old habits, and Jophiel wants to check over Claude to ensure that he’s not… got spores on him.

"I must Insist your inquiry involve us." Anrir drawls, bringing himself to stand near both Claude and the still clearly upset blood angel. 

The younger blood angel's patience was clearly running thin. "With all due respect Apothecary Anrir, this has nothing to do with you. I would very much like to speak to my Brother regarding His Health..."

The air shifted, and Jophiel suddenly found his frustration turning to fear and a realization along the lines of 'Oh Shit those were the Wrong words to use.' Cedric twitches a little, if things weren’t so serious he would have face palmed or jabbed Jophi in the ribs, the last sentence one should say around an older apothecary is ‘concerns about health’. 

The aura now radiating from the Terran Nightlord was full of pressure. He spoke with firm words that would seem unbothered lest you could sense the venom lurking just beneath them. 

"With All Due Respect...I consider Claude my Son, so If you know something is affecting His Health, Which would Also be My Business as I am an Apothecary, I must Insist," Anrir hissed causing Jophiel to shrink back further. "You inform me This Instant."

Jophiel glanced at Cedric who seemed equally unsure what to do. Then to Claude, who glanced at Anrir.

When Claude turned back to Jophiel, he nodded. "Anrir helped me before, he might know how to help now."

Jophiel deflated a bit, but...if Claude was okay with it, Fine. The Blood Angel squared his shoulders to attention. "Very well but...not here…" Jophiel bargained. "We need somewhere more private, and...I want to look over Claude with my psykery first...or at least while I explain what I've seen."

The glower Anrir had mustered up lessens, "That is reasonable, we can convene and converse in my Medbay office. Let us not delay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cool of evening was beginning to settle in, though it was still fairly bright outside, as you and your 'date' walked the short distance to the Fire Drake Noodle House. 

You're fortunate when Anrir said it was close he meant by human standards, not Astarte ones. Only about five minutes with a single street crossing. 

"So...you've been to this place before?" You ask Khopesh. Who responded with a pleasant hum. 

"No but I have had takeout from there before. The Scallion Pancakes weren't what I expected but they were delicious." He explains as the two of you wait at the crosswalk. 

"Oh yeah I've tried those at other places! Wait...what do you mean they weren't what you were expecting?"

"Ah well…" Khopesh scratches his head kinda awkwardly. "It was just after I got bonded to Vada and Muti. I was still learning to speak and read the local language. I recognized Pancakes but not Scallions. So…I thought I was getting the sweet kind."

"Pfft!" You chuckled. "Yep, that sounds about right. But hey you still enjoyed them so that's good."

"Yes! My brothers got upset, but In my defense they were Very Good."

Ding! The little crosswalk man popped up and you two abided. 

"Wait, why did your brothers get upset?" You asked.

"Because they were technically a group appetizer and I stole and ate all of them, As well as the entree that had been purchased for me." Khoepsh replied cheekily.

"You did not!" You challenged with laughing disbelief. 

"Oh but I Did!" Khopesh declared. "And though I had to scrub the barrack floors for a Week straight, I regret Nothing!"

"Well, as long as you don't go stealing food off mine or other people's plates we'll be golden." You assure him. "Slight tangent but if you like scallion pancakes there's something else called Egg Foo Young. It's like a mix between an omelet and a pancake with meat and veggies and a gravy like sauce its Super Good-"

"Shit it's a Night Lord." You hear one of the other people hiss. "Uh let's just go the other way around…" The other person says nervously, tugging at their friend’s elbow.

You were broken from your explanation by two hushed but insistent voices. Turning around you saw two people walking quickly back the way you and Khopesh had just come, they must have exited the alley you just passed. 

"What was that about?" But before you could get even a rhetorical answer a different couple had exited a shop a little ways ahead. 

They took one glance towards the two of you before quickly diverting the path and jay walking across the street.

You stood for a moment after they'd walked off. The words came out almost without thinking. "Well...that was Rude."

Khopesh seemed surprised, "What do you mean?"

You gestured after the people that had left. "Them! They don't even know you and they just…" 

Khopesh smiled incredulously. "Lullaby are you...offended?"

You were taken aback by his nonchalance …"Aren't you?" 

He deserved so much better than to be treated like that. A thought comes to your mind that hisses out viciously, ‘He deserved so much better than you.’

"Lullaby," Khopesh cooed, now seeming touched. "I have been called Far Worse things in my time, mostly by Karlsor." He amended. "But yoooou." He brought his big pale hands up and...squished your cheeks! "You are so Cute! Getting mad on my behalf!" He chortled, rubbing and sqwoosing and lifting you Just slightly so your bodies were flush against each other. 

Okay...you actually didn't mind this...odd as it was. But you were in public. But before you could voice that you realized Khopesh was practically nose to Nose with you. "Makes me want to...Eat you up…" He growled with a sultry edge.

Staring into his dark eyes, your cheeks and face ignited, further contrasting your heated skin against his cool. 

You Really didn't mind this. But in the back of your mind you felt the alarm bells. Public, still in public and- 

"And never let you go..."

(!) There it was. Also you realized you were getting stretched a bit more on tip toe now. 

"Too much, down please." You state quickly. 

"Oh!" Khopesh seems taken aback but he releases you regardless. "My apologies, Lullaby, it seems I became too eager again." He chuckled bringing up a hand to gently rest on your cheek. "You're just so Cuuute."

You huff and can’t help but smile as you say teasingly, “You are right eager.”

‘Eager to keep you, or eager to break you,’ Your thoughts hiss at you again. You weren't certain. And that uncertainty starts to gnaw at you.

‘Talk, you Need to have A Talk.’ You think to yourself firmly. ‘And you will!! Just...dinner first. Get some food on his stomach so he's in a better mood.’ 

That horrible voice in your head hisses out at you, warningly, ‘Have you ever really Seen him in a bad mood. Do you want to find out what that looks like?’

"S'all right, learning curve and all that." You reassure him, and you continue walking. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright," Jophiel relaxed both his mind and body and let his warp sight dim. "I don't see anything strange on your soul Claude. You can stand up now."

He leans against the table, that was exhausting. And used far more power than it should have. But it was necessary to do so. He had to make sure that Claude was okay, and barring that, if he was not okay, that he could see what was wrong and fix it, or find someone who could.

"Ah thank you," Claude replied, hopping down from the medical table. Cedric hands him a hydration ration and a ration pack to help Jophiel replenish his energy a little bit.

Cedric, Karlsor and Anrir were gathered in the same room watching as Jophiel conducted his examination. Anrir was the first to speak. Karlsor has his arms crossed over his chest as he tries to figure out what sort of psy-exam the Blood Angel Scout-ling was doing. The younger Psyker was clearly looking for something.

"You've done your examination, now talk. Explain Why you thought something might be amiss with Claude." The Terran Night Lord commanded with no room for exception. "Spare no details, leave nothing out."

Jophiel turned and stood at attention. If he was to reveal this he would do so properly. "Yes sir, I was called by Cedric after the zap occurred. He believed as I do now that the exchange of energy was Not merely a static shock, but wanted me to surreptitiously examine the mortal to make sure."

"And?" Anrir prompted.

Now Jophiel became a bit more uncomfortable, but he pressed on. "The Human, Lullaby, has the spark of psykery. But it is...strange. It seems to originate from something that looks like a bond...but isn't."

"But Lullaby isn't bonded to Khopesh...are they bonded to someone else? And are you Certain they're a latent psyker?" Claude asks now Exceptionally curious, and the latter part of the question sounding a bit morbid. 

Claude's own powers had been Hellish to learn how to control, between the grueling training and the abuse he suffered... he didn't like the thought of a mere human having to go through even Half of that.

"Of that I have no doubt. It is the spark." Jophiel fidgeted a bit, thinking over his next words. "But...rather than manifesting as a plume of warp energy in their soul, or an aura around it...it appears to be originating from a...a mutated bond."

Anrir listened with rapt attention. "Mutated How?"

"It's...Wrong," Jophiel filled in. "From what I've always heard and seen...Bonds are supposed to resemble plants aren't they?"

Anrir nodded. "Yes, that is true. According to the librarians I have consulted, All bonds I have examined in my research have taken on the visuals of plant life. The strength and life span of the bond is displayed by the health of the vines, and usually the presence of flora. The type of which varies depending on the…relationship dynamics."

Anrir felt a slight annoying itch, like the thorns on his own bond were digging into him. He didn't like recalling their existence. His vines were Healthy and beautiful with blossoming roses that Bound his Draga to him Tightly. Just as he liked it, every rose has its thorns so it is Natural.

At least that's what Anrir tells himself. But back on topic. 

"Ahem, also, broken bonds take on a withered appearance until they desiccate back into nothing, or a new bond brings them back to life. So what makes you say this bond is mutated?" Anrir prompted. 

"Well for one, Lullaby isn't currently bonded to Anyone correct?" Jophiel reasoned, they were involved with a Nightlord with a separate platonic bond; if they had a bonded Astarte companion of their own, why would they be giving Khopesh that kind of attention? "They shouldn't even have one, that Alone makes it an outlier." Jophiel stated. "And even if it was a withering broken bond That would resemble dried out, dying foliage, That Thing," Jophiel shuddered. "Is Very Much Alive." 

"It...it was pulsing and glowing and spiraling out like a mycelium network! Some of its tendrils started moving over my Hand!" Jophiel rubbed the hand that had been touched like he wished he could scrub away the memory. "I could Feel it siphoning away my powers! It is Wrong and it is Dangerous!" Jophiel hissed, composure breaking and wings fluffing up. 

He rubs his hands against his legs, trying to get that prickling feeling that itched and scratched some of the skin off his shaken hand with the other one subconsciously as his claws extended and Cedric smacked his shoulder to keep him from making a mess of himself.

Cedric stepped in quickly. "Easy Jophie, it's okay. That Thing can't hurt you here." He said softly, giving his brother a calming presence to ground him. 

Jophiel leans into Cedric, closes his eyes for a moment, stopping himself from spiraling for a moment. Claude lightly puts a hand on his brother-cousin’s arm. Trying to help ground him as well.

Anrir watched the exchange but his mind was Racing. "Possibly the First recorded psyker of the Baseline human populace…" He mused.

Karlsor meanwhile Knew that look. Anrir was going to be in his own head for a bit Fucking Greaaat. Karlsor rubs his face- this is some really big fucking news. And they would need to keep a tight lid on this. This could spiral out of control very fast if it’s not handled properly.

"And an entirely new subset of warp bonds...incredible...fascinating…" Anrir muses out loud

"It is Not fascinating! It is Horrifying! And it carries the shadow of Decay!" Jophiel shot back with a hiss, his wings raised and flaring in his upset.. 

"Decay?" That seemed to wake Anrir up. 

"Yes! Decay! That was what tipped me off that it looked like a Mycelium. I couldn't remember the word for it until I focused on the feeling of decay and remembered seeing a diagram in one of Apothecary Hura's biology books!" Jophile huffed, though he was starting to calm down with both Claude and Cedric comforting him. He wraps his wings around both of his brothers, shielding and half hiding them from view of the two Night Lords as he calms down. The red in his eyes is starting to fade away.

Now Karlsor noted the look on Anrir's face was much more grim. "Penny for your fuckin thoughts?"

"I believe I need to speak to Apothecary Hura." Anrir stated, turning to leave his office. "The rest of you should finish whatever duties you have left, and retire for the evening. Claude,"

“Oh fuck.” Karlsor growls, “What did that fucker do now?”

"Yes Fa- Ah Anrir." Claude asked. 

Anrir smiled wryly at the near slip. "I will send you some currency, this day has been surprisingly taxing for you and your brothers." He said, turning back to the three Primaris, "Get something nice for yourselves from a restaurant of your choice. My treat."

Jophiel and Cedric seemed legitimately surprised by the offer, given the...slight disrespect from earlier. "Ah...thank you Sir."

"Thank you Apothecary Anrir." Jophiel says politely.

"And, for the sake of not causing any Uproar, let us keep this conversation Private." The cold pitiless dread came back into Anrir's voice for a brief moment. The Primaris understood the unspoken threat. 

"Yes Sir!" Jophiel says with a nod, nascent psykers, especially baseline humans faced a lot of fear and scrutiny from the people around them who don't have those powers, or understand it.

 "Understood!" Cedric said with a nod- this was confidential patient information, and unless he had no other choice, no whisper of this would come from him willingly.

"Of course Anrir!" Claude says with a sharp nod, he's great at secret keeping.

Anrir nodded, and made his way out of the room. He needed to have a little...chat with Hura about his Long Term patient. Karlsor follows after Anrir, half curious, half dreading what the flying fuck was going to happen, what information they might fish out of the Death Guard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Khopesh arrive at the Fire Drake Noodle House, and you can't help but Marvel at the gorgeous space; emblazoned with warm reds, dark greens and shining golds. Banners display dragons and with the light fixtures having Actual Flames and the many metal worked items adorning the walls the whole atmosphere reminds you of a warmly lit forge. 

It’s such a wonderful place, you breathe in the smells of the restaurant through your nose. It smells so good.

The atmosphere inside also feels just as warm and vital as the decor...but that also means you might have to wait for a table.

"It's so pre-tty~" You fawn, utterly taken in by the environment. 

"Hmm...the lighting is a bit much...but the temperature is pleasant." Khopesh surmised, squinting his eyes a bit.

You were confused, till you remembered, "Oh right, your eyes are dark adapted...it's not too much right?"

Khopesh smiled. "You are too much," He pinched your cheek causing you to let out a painless "-Hm!". He was far more gentle than the squooshing earlier. "Your concern for me is endearing, but I have fought my way through battlefields and entire worlds where the blaze of war and the hellfire of artillery were literally Blinding. This Is Nothing, compared to that, and I will be fiiine." He assured you.

FWOOSH! A pillar of fire suddenly burst up in the kitchen with a sizzle, clearly an intentional part of the cooking. But you saw Khopesh flinch and squint even more as his eyes reacted to the sound by locking onto its bright hot source. 

Yeah, not fine. "...We're getting a booth in the back in the corner in the dark." You say simply. 

"But then we may have to wait longer." Khopesh groaned. "And aren't you hungry?"

"Yes, but this isn't Just for me, it's for both of us." You explain. "I want my partner to be comfortable while we're sharing a meal."

Khopesh seemed to take a pause. "Partner?"

You swallowed, "Y-yeah, you're my partner. At least...that's what I'd like us to be…" You explain. 

Khopesh doesn't respond, but he also doesn't seem...offended?? At least you hope not, he just seems to not quite understand.

"We can talk about it more once we've eaten." You finally say. 

Khopesh's smile curves back up, still a bit unsure looking. "That sounds ominous, Lullaby."

You shrug. "You wanted me to be honest, so I'm going to be." You declare. "But After food, cause no way am I doing something as exhausting as being Honest on an empty stomach."

"Pfft! Ha! You make it sound like Such a burden!" Khopesh chortled. 

"Is the Truth not a burden?" You reply dryly. "Ruminate on that while I talk to the host, also I've gotta use the restroom. If they call for the table before I get back go ahead and sit down okay? I'll find you."

"Of course my Lullaby, whatever you say~" Khopesh replied, it amused him when you got all chatty, and planned and laid out clear, obvious instructions. Honestly, were you able to become an aspirant you'd probably make a good Ultramarine. 

But you'd be Far more pleasant to interact with than one of those paperwork pushing, goody goody blueberries. Well maybe that's not completely fair, Khopesh had known...at least a Few Ultramarines that weren't...completely a drag to be around. 

He could only count those on one hand but Hey! They still counted. 

"Table for two please." You say as you approach the host stand, behind which stands a giant Salamander in a professional looking dark green outfit, with pale but textured hair tied back into a fashionable style. Also the marine in question looks...familiar.

The Salamander smiles in greeting. "It will be about fifteen minutes, I also heard you and your companion discussing your preference for a darker table setup. We can dim or fully extinguish any sconces once a table opens up should you so choose."

You were a bit taken aback by your whole convo being overheard. You were being too Loud again why are you Always so Lo- But you squashed that thought quickly, Astartes have excellent hearing even in a busy humming restaurant. This Host probably even tried to focus on chatter from incoming guests so he could get ahead of their accommodations. 

Clever and proactive of...Pyrus, as his name tag read. 

"Thank you, and yes! We would like that if possible…Go ahead and put the table under Khopesh please." You surmise, you wouldn't be able to hear it in the bathroom, speaking of which. "Ah by the way...could you tell me where I can find the restrooms?"

Pyrus nodded. "Ah yes, simply walk back from here to the left corner of the restaurant. Hallway alongside the patio, you can't miss it."

You give a quick nod, "Okay thanks." And hustle past to follow the instructions given. 

Meanwhile, Kerubiel had been sent by the rest of the Primaris marines as the one who had drawn the short straw and had to pick up the ‘not ration food order’ and it was from the Fire Drake Noodle House. Claude, Cedric and Jophiel had come back from going to the Chaos Base with pensive looks and thoughtful expressions.

When questioned all they would say is that they’d met someone new, who’d seemed nice. Other than that, they wouldn’t say much. Kerubiel knows that they are keeping something from him and the others.

But the rest of the Primaris Marines had allowed themselves to get distracted by food- and Kerubiel was curious about what sort of food this Fire Drake Noodle House place has, and begrudgingly looked over the menu and picked out some things to eat.

As he walks in, his gaze snaps to the First Born Night Lord sitting in the waiting area. His hands clench and unclench as he stalks over to the Chaos Traitor Bastard and glowers at him. Even if his new pride is keeping secrets from him. He can at least learn something.

“Night Lords don't usually travel Alone. Where is the rest of your godless heathen Claw of Bastards?” His curiosity gets a hold of him as he goes over to the First Born Space Marine. 

Khopesh is a little taken off guard by the sudden interrogation by the Dark Angel- he’s a big fucker. But he realizes- as he looks the rude bastard over, that he’s young- looks around the age of Claude and the other Primaris Marines. 

He’s also similarly sized, so he drawls out with a smirk on his face, “Back at base, which is where you should be...isn't it past your curfew little lion Cub?”

“I’m here getting an order,” Kerubiel says with a scowl, “I don’t have a curfew and I’m not a cub! Why are You here?"

Khopesh could see the little kitty was fishing for information. Dark Angels, over one hundred centuries and some things never Change. But fine...he'll play along.

"I'm sharing a meal with my precious Lullaby." Khopesh responded smugly. He let the follow up go unsaid. You know...because someone actually Wanted his company. 

Kerubiel could tell based on context (and logic I mean what space marine would call another space marine Lullaby of all things??) The Night Lord was referring to a human. 

Was this human his bonded? He was unsure if the Night Lord would give that information willingly. No matter though, he could find that out for himself. 

Carefully, Kerubiel drew on his psykery. He had heard about Bonds and other such nonsense. He didn’t really understand it, none of them did. None of them are Bonded. The lack of information was bothering him a lot. Information is key to survival after all.

And like in practice he saw the bond, flourishing and floral (honestly it was kinda pretty-) No! Focus! The strain of using his powers is starting to make his vision waiver, just a little bit.

But...something was off. Kerubiel may not have been the most experienced with bonds or emotions...but he could tell the bond in front of him was completely Platonic. He’d seen a few bonds of different kinds, they had different color-feel-patterns to them.

And again...context and logic. Precious Lullaby Could be a platonic term of endearment but considering how Dopey eyed the Nightlord appeared when he said it that was Doubtful. 

Khopesh grimaced as the youngster continued to Stare at him. He had a feeling he knew what he was doing. He'd let Claude and Anrir study his bond many times. So even without active psykery of his own he Knew the feeling of being examined. 

And this entitled little Snot hadn't even asked permission. But he held himself in Check; didn't want to get tossed out on his ass for being a Night Lord who got in a squabble. "Are you done being an Invasive little shit or are you just going to keep Staring at me Cub?"

Kerubiel let go of his sight, Damn that still took a lot out of him. But he would Not, show weakness. "Why would a space marine lower themselves to break bread and consort with a human they aren't even bonded to?" 

Okay Now, he was going to beat the shit out of the little snot consequence be Damned. One of his hands twitches, as he longs to clock the brat in the face with his fist.

As Khopesh was contemplating the best method of springing up from this bench and Strangling the little bastard in a headlock, Kerubial let out one more jab. "And Why would any sane  human choose a Night Lord of all companions?"

"Because I Like His Company." A terse voice comes from behind the Primaris Dark Angel, causing both space marines to perk up. 

You stand there, arms crossed as the large Dark Green hooded Bastard turns so he can see you, and you now have an unblocked view of your Night Lord still sitting on the waiting bench, though clearly much more tense than you'd left him. 

Honestly you leave for the bathroom, you use said bathroom, you wash your hands and splash your face and Hype yourself up for the talk to come and What do you come back to?? Some large petty nosy space marine getting into Khopesh’s face and asking a bunch of rude ass questions. 

At first you thought they might just know each other, until you heard the other Space Marine essentially ask, “Why would a human want to be with the likes of you?”

"Fuck. You. That's why!" You continue hotly, spurred on by your indignation and putting yourself Between this bastard and Your Night Lord, "He's fuckin Great. And Because, I can choose for myself who I damn well Please to hang out with! And not you nor anyone else is gonna tell me otherwise!" You state hands on your hips as your voice gets louder as you defend Khopesh from this asshole.

Does he need defending? Probably not, could probably fold this guy like a cheap tea table, but is that gonna stop you from puffing up and getting Right into a much larger Space Marine's face? 

Well clearly not you're already doing it. You would be more scared, but you were defending someone else. Someone who you care for deeply, who doesn't deserve to be harassed simply for being in a public place.

"Now you can either trot your merry renfaire ass along or I Will be reporting to your superior officer how you are making a damn Fool of yourself and All said superiors because clearly whoever trained you didn't impart you Manners!" You continue to rant and point a finger at him.

Kerubiel scowls at Lullaby and Khopesh, and starts to growl low in his throat at their rudeness. But while he clenches his fist, he’s no Chaos or Renegade scumbag to hurt a Baseline unless attacked first. His eyes narrow as he glares down at them and back at Khopesh.

Who now has an absolute look of looming Murder on his face. Not at You no no No. Before the prickly little cat bastard had the shitting Gall to Growl at His Lullaby, he'd been surprised and even Exhilarated by you cussing out his aggressor in front of him. 

Defending a monster like him, as if you had even a Ghost of a chance against the Primaris. All puffed up like a bluffing Hen, but you were completely serious. And so was Khopesh about that brutal homicide that was rapidly approaching this Dark Angel if he Didn't- Stop-Threatening-His-Lullaby!

Pyrus comes over- having heard raised voices- moving faster once he hears Growling Dark Angel Noises and calls out to the squabbling group. "Khopesh party of two your table is ready." He announces, trying to diffuse the situation and organically move the two arguing members apart. "We have the sconces dimmed and everything is set, if you'll just follow my fellow host right over there."

You glanced over seeing another smartly dressed host, this time a human Baseline, waving you over. "Excellent, thank you So much for the accommodations." You say in your sweetest most polite voice, before turning back to Khopesh and holding out your hand. 

"Let's go have a nice meal now, and try to forget any...unpleasantness." You gave Kerubial a sharp side eye. The bastard even had the audacity to look insulted.

Khopesh is now in a Much better mood without that nasty bastard growling and prodding at him. He's also pleasantly surprised to see the Host take his side but he pushes that thought away for now, taking his Lullaby's offered hand. 

You smile, and settle into Khopesh's side, literally hanging off his arm. Are you doing it to be spiteful? Absolutely yes, one hundred percent. But just as much you are doing it to be affectionate. 

You even decide to really lay it on, indulging in tucking yourself close to your Night Lord and nuzzling him. Treating Khopesh to some well deserved (after that bullshit especially) tenderness, and showing that green hooded Prick how Happy you were in the company of said Nightlord. Khopesh responds by purring softly, and giving the green hood prick a smug look with full teeth.

As you two move to go to your table. Pyrus moves over and accidentally bumps into the Primaris Dark Angel that’s growling a little and turns to look at him with fire-bright eyes, “Please leave, if you are going to upset guests at this place.”

“I have an order I’m picking up!” Kerubiel protests.

“Who’s name is it under?” Pyrus asks hands on his hips as he gives a disappointed look to the other astarte. “What’s your name and Chapter?”

“Primaris Marine Kerubiel of the Dark Angels. M42.” Says, before Kerubiel grumpily gives Cedric’s name to answer the second question.

 “... Ah- you’re one of the newer arrivals.” Pyrus says, which explains, but doesn’t excuse his behavior. “I’m going to report to Captain Ash’val about this incident.”

“He’s not my Captain,” Kerbuiel says one of his lower lips stuck out a little bit as his eyebrows come down in a scowl.

Pyrus stares at him flatly, he hands him the order, “please leave, unless you want to deal with the Reason we decided to call it the Fire Drake Noodle House.”

Kerubiel is curious- but he doesn’t want to get into that much trouble after finishing up healing and being finally allowed to run around outside without supervision. Fucking- Thressl’s reaction would be annoying to deal with, the cackling laughter and ribbing would be annoying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"And for the love of all things Unholy Do Not scratch at the stitches." Hura scolded the newly arrived Space Wolf with the bright mane of red hair. "Unless, you want me to drag you back here and Actually put you in a cone for your impudence." 

"You wouldn't!" Thressel shot back, 

"I can and I Will." Hura assured him, snagging the willful pup by the ear. "I Might even have to shear off some of your precious red locks in order for it to fit properly. We wouldn't want that now, Riiiiiight?"

Thressel went pale, "Ack! Fine! FINE! I understand!" He snarled, barely tamping down on his instinct to Bite the hand disciplining him.

"Good," Hura cheerfully released the Pup and picked up the relevant paperwork. "Other than that your vitals seem good, your hearing is still slightly imbalanced but that may improve yet. Are their any other questions you have?"

"Nope, now let me Go ya Chaos bas-" Thressel caught himself before his big dumb mouth could land him in that dreaded cone. "I mean...I'm Fine, got no questions. And my brothers are waiting fer me."

Hura nodded, smart pup. "Any plans?" The apothecary asked as he wrote a few more notes. 

Thressel hmm'd for a moment. Cedric seemed to trust this Chaos traitor, at least with things related to healing. Sides, not like telling him would ruin their plans. "Says they ordered somethin’ called 'taik out.' Told me it was a special kind of Baseline food."

"I believe you mean Take Out." Hura corrected. "The food can be anything from any culture or style. Take out simply means the food is purchased and brought elsewhere."

Thressel huffed a laugh. "Whatever it is, I'm no one ta say no to a free meal. So can I go now?"

"Yes, pup, go run along."

The excited Space Wolf hopped eagerly off the medical table and ran for the door. No Way was he getting left with table scraps "-Oh!"

As Thressel was exiting he came face to face with a grim old face. Pale and dark eyed, a Nightlord…

"Watch where you're charging you clumsy Bitch!" Two Night Lords, the other one just behind the first snarled at him. 

“Oh Fuck off you gloomy bat!” Thressl growls at them, “I was here first!”

Hura comes over hearing the argument and ready to politely bully his cousins for being naughty if needed, “Ah- Karlsor, Anrir- come in- what’s the issue? Go- on now Thressl. Shoo.”

“Fine,” Thressl makes a face at all three First Born Chaos Space Marines but he does scuttle off to go where his brother-cousins are. 

While he’s curious to see what the Old Bastards are up to, he’d rather heal up a bit first and taste this ‘take out’ is and set Kerubiel on this fuckers, that is entertaining to watch. And the Primaris Dark Angel would tell them if he thought he had some information that he thought they needed to know.

Hura gestures for Karlsor and Anrir to join him in his office- he waits until Thressl’s superior hearing, even among the Astartes, is out of range and he turns to the two Night Lords, “What can I help you with?”

He looks them over, neither of them are injured, and Anrir is an excellent Apothecary, for patching himself and others up. He’s curious to see what it is that has the pair of Night Lords Seeking him out.

“I have some questions for you,” Anrir says, watching Hura sharply as he almost glares.

“What questions?” Hura asks.

“About the Baseline you recognized earlier, and how you and Xerxes helped them recover,” Anrir says, eyes darkening a little, “When you and Xerxes helped them … was there any… additional things that you or he did to them?”

“What do you mean by that?” Hura asks, arching an eyebrow at Anrir, having taken off his helmet to speak with them more freely.

“Did you fucking Chaos twist them?” Karlsor, says, rather not wanting to dance around something, “Cause if you fucking did- then we have a big fucking problem.”

Hura rears back as if he’d just been slapped, and insulted, “I did not, and nor did Xerxes do any ‘Chaos twisting’ on them. And what do you mean by that anyways?”

Karlsor heaves a sigh and then tells Hura what Jophiel had explained to him ending with a, “decay and mushrooms sounds an awful lot like your Grandfather’s grox-shite.”

Hura can’t stop the look on his face, “And you think I, or Xerxes can - what- affect bonds like that?” 

“Can you?” Anrir asks. 

“Or Can fucking Xerxes do it?” Karlsor asks, in a rather rude tone of voice. “And why the fuck didn’t you tell us you could do this?"

“As far as I am aware of,” Hura states honestly, “I cannot affect bonds like that, Nor has Anyone been able to so far, not the way that you are speaking of anyway. And I don’t think that Xerxes can either, if you want, I can call in my brother for you to question him on what exactly it was he did to help...save them.”

Karlsor glanced at Anrir, who had paused to think. "Time is of the essence, I do want to inter-," The old Terran Nightlord stopped himself, before he could commit a Dreadful faux paus in front of the Death Guard who was almost as old and deadly as him. "I mean...I would like your Brother Xerxes's personal recount of the events of course. But I doubt he can arrive here as quickly as we need."

Hura drummed his gauntleted fingers on his chin. "...Perhaps, there is another way...at least one that could hold the information you seek. Or rather Proof, that whatever is presently occurring with that Bond, it was Not apparent the last time my patient was here." Hura stopped his fingers and his gaze turned Deathly serious. 

"What I am about to tell and show you is Highly classified information. The event That poor child has been through sent ripples through the upper ranks, and it was immediately quelled so as not to spark panic or rebellion." Hura explained, motioning for the two Night Lords to follow him out of his office. 

They do so, and to their surprise the Apothecary leads them from the usual travel path hallways of the medbay to a generic looking door in a random room off to one side. Anrir had never truly taken notice of it, as it had the look and smell of an extra storage room. 

Hura pulls out a key card and presses it to the blank wall. A click is heard and the mystery door opens. 

As Hura shambles through and down, Anrir marvels, a disguised Stairwell, how clever. Anrir understood there were places in this base he'd never seen. Each legion had their own separate spaces so it made sense. 

But as a trusted Apothecary he was taken aback that he'd never seen or scarcely even been told about 

Down, down, down they go past more floors and doors but they only stop at the bottom of which resides another door, which Hura instead knocks on. Anrir recognizes the pattern and has to stifle a laugh. 

Shave and a haircut. Two bits.  

Again another click, and the door pops open to reveal a hallway not unlike the regular ones on the floor above. With again...more doors. 

"What the Fuck!?" Karlsor exclaims.

"Language!" Both elders hiss, causing the mouthy Nightlord to clam up.

"Fuck, sorry." Karlsor mutters. 

Hura ambles forward. "The information we seek is behind one of these." He gestures. 

"The fuck you mean...One of these?" Karlsor asks with confusion. 

"The Doors of course, little cousin." Hura cooes, with Karlsor growling lowly in response. "This...extension of the medbay was a collaborative effort between several legions and the high ranking officials within them."

"Ultramarine, Raven Guard and Even Alpha Legion contributed. Despite the primitive setup and materials it's quite...secure." Hura continued, glancing at each of the doors. 

"I'm assuming there's a catch?" Anrir posed. This all seemed too easy. 

Hura nodded smartly. "Astute observation. Yes you see every three months the records and data here are reshuffled with a tweaked or brand new sorting method." Hura explained. "There are also false or incorrect documents mixed in to further muddy things." Hura approached one of the doors. "And of course in lieu of dealing with data breaches...the Ultramarines thought it best if all These records were kept in…" Hura opened the door, revealing shelves upon shelves of folders. "Paper form."

Anrir balked at the mountain before him. Karlsor let out a plethora of swears and Neither apothecary bothered to correct him this time. 

"Fuck this! I'm keeping watch." Karlsor declared. 

Seems he had his work cut out for him. 

“Shall we begin, Anrir?” Hura says, giving the other Apothecary a smile as he starts reading and sorting through the documents.

Karlsor would rather be stuck staring at the fucking sun striped bare ass naked for hours. Then deal with oh four Paperwork. It's why He's never accepted a promotion as then he'd have to deal with the fucking Paperwork that came with such a thing. So, while he wants to know what is going on, he's not that Curious about it. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Alright folks I'll get these drink orders for you, give you some time to look over our menu. Please enjoy, and I Do apologize for that...unexpected upset." The sweet waiter states as the two of you get settled into your comfortable darkened booth in the back in the corner in the dark. 

Well it's not in the corner but the dimming of the sconces directly above you Does reduce the brightness. 

Khopesh snorts, "Wasn't your fault the Lion Cub decided to get all hissy." He assured them. 

"Yeah, no, don't worry about it." You chime in. "We're certainly not gonna let it ruin our evening." 

"Good good. If you need anything else just flag me down and I'll take care of it." As they strode away you took another moment to breathe in the atmosphere. A bit of nostalgia tickled at your brain. 

"Reminds me of this Tiiiiny Italian place my PawPaw used to love going to." You say, making some light small talk, Khopesh seems confused for a moment till you elaborate, "With the dimmed lights I mean. It was always so dark, only place that had regular lighting was the bathroom. And the only lights I ever saw lit in the dining area were the candles on the tables."

Khopesh smiled. "That sounds perfect for a Nightlord, but inefficient for a Baseline restaurant."

"True...funny enough I-" You felt a slight twinge of a headache. "I...don't remember ever seeing any Astartes in there...but I don't think they weren't welcome per se…" You shook off the feeling before the pain could amplify. "Maybe it was just too small a venue."

"Perhaps," Khopesh acquiesced. "Also what was that dish you mentioned on the way here?" He hummed looking over his menu.

"Egg Foo Young," You stated, "Though even if it's not directly called that, they might still have something like it." You surmised. 

The menu, appropriate to the restaurant's name, showed a plethora of noodle dishes and soups. The lo mein seemed tempting, but your eyes also lit up upon seeing they had a Ramen section. 

The appetizers featured a number of your favorites. But you tempered yourself. "Got a lot of good looking items," You hummed. "Just don't want to spend too much on myself. Get whatever you like though okay? As long as it's not gold encrusted or costs the same as a car payment I'm fine to cover it."

"Pfft! You really think my tastes are That expensive?" Khopesh shot back before following up with. "Besides, Anrir transferred some funds to me for this, so You and I can Both get whatever we like." 

"Wait seriously?" Oh...the cellphone exchange while they were back at the base suddenly made sense. 

"Of course! He wants us to have a nice evening…" Khopesh assured, but he noted you looked...conflicted. "Is something wrong?"

You glanced up, seeing Khopesh's vaguely worried expression. "Uh...not really it's just…" Honest remember? Try to be Honest. You let out a soft sigh. "Hmm...I guess I just felt like...expensive or not, I wanted to treat You. Like don't get me wrong! I think Anrir is Super generous for doing that. I'll have to thank him later."

"I just...I know there's not a lot I can Give or do For You. If that makes sense.” You offered. 

Khopesh didn't seem to follow. “I'm afraid I don't quite understand.” 

“Well…I guess it feels like You give me a lot, attention, affection, you make me laugh, you comforted me when I had that bad dream. And for someone like you who's so much more capable, and physically stronger than I'll ever be and…" You trailed off, noticing how Khopesh was listening intently. 

In his focus and with the soft candle light flickering gently over his features, tracing an orange highlight into his dark eyes he looked…

"Why'd you stop?" He asks, breaking you from your trance. 

"S-sorry it's just...you look Really pretty in the candlelight."

Khopesh...did Not expect that. He felt like the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding in his three lungs flew from him silently with a simple but Slightly squeaky "-oh."

His Lullaby...thought he looked Pretty? Pretty? P-R-E-T-T-Y? In all the time he'd been alive he couldn't remember Ever being called that. Fierce? Commonly. Terrifying? All the time. And he knew baselines back in his time revered almost all Astartes with various shades of Fear and Awe. Some could and would even call the most frightening of their kind things like Ethereal.

But something as simple and kind as pretty? Never. The Nightlord felt his cheeks burn and he couldn't stop himself from grinning.

"How do you Do that?" He groaned playfully, placing his hands on his cheeks and his elbows on the table. 

"Do what?"

"Surprise me like that!" Khopesh exclaimed, moving his hands to the table before him. Looking almost like he was preparing for a lunge. "No matter what you do, or if I Think I know what you'll do, you always seem to catch me off guard somehow! It's so Frustrating." He growled but again, there didn't seem to be any real anger in it. Honestly, it came out more like a rough purr. "But I Love it. Which I don't understand, which just frustrates me More." He giggled, running his hands through his long hair. 

Well, you were hoping for honesty, and though it was a...strange thing to find enjoyment in. "I mean...I guess I'll take that as a compliment. But back on topic." You redirected the conversation. "I guess part of me feels a little disappointed I wasn't able to do something nice for you. I'm not mad or anything, and honestly I'm still glad I get to spend time with you."

Khopesh agreed, but something itched at his mind, like there was something he wanted to say in return or perhaps he could sense there was more You wanted to say, but didn't quite know how. 

So instead he'd take a moment to read your body language in the candlelight. 

Khopesh wasn't unaware of his own appearance, he knew his features could run the spectrum of ethereal to eldritch horror in the minds of baselines. He'd known enough Nightlords who, ahem, acquired personal serfs; promising safety and security through whispered sharpened teeth that the baselines shivered from with every possible mix of revulsion and desire.

He hadn't felt that Drive like some of his battle brothers, thus he didn't give much thought to Baseline standards of beauty. Not until coming here, and not until meeting You. 

And in the candlelight you looked so...wonderful. Reminding him of a place that was Warm and Safe, something even a creature as fierce as him had hardly known. 

He looks at your skin that's been kissed by the sun over your farm, and he remembers how you'd felt in his arms. Like his own personal sun, one that didn't burn his eyes or skin but filled him with a tender warmth all the same, as well as a burning hunger and want. The want to hold, to keep, to protect. Maybe that's why his battle brothers took their serfs?

Because bright, sweet things; things that bring laughter and joy and hope don't live long in this hellhole.

Without thinking he reaches a hand across the table, palm up. You glance up from your menu as you notice his gesture. 

You seem unsure for a moment, before smiling, and wordlessly placing your hand on his, instead of directly taking it, you begin drawing soft circles on the smooth skin of his palm with the pads of your fingers. Yet again, you've surprised him, and yet again, he doesn't mind at all. A moment passes before either of you speak. 

"There is something I need to talk to you about." You state, now running your warm small fingers over Khopesh's much larger ones. "But for now, let's enjoy the moment. Honesty can come after food. You ready to order?"

It is then Khopesh realizes he'd gotten utterly distracted and quickly picks up his menu with an "Oop!"

You chuckle. "Well we'll flag down our waiter for appetizers in a moment. I think I'll get some Roulette Dumplings for myself, and some Scallion Pancakes for you."

Khopesh smiled, and you could see him brimming with excitement. 

"But if you steal all the pancakes again I Will run out of this restaurant." You threaten cheekily. 

"You wouldn't!" Khopesh gasped with mock fear. 

"I would." You shoot back. Causing both of you to laugh. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes multiple Hours of Diligent review, but Hura and Anrir find the paperwork they'd been searching for.

The folder has a picture attached to the front, and indeed it appears to be Khopesh's Lullaby. Anrir thumbs through the reports page by page. 

It holds Lullaby's personal details, and the accounts and evidence collected from several space marines who were present at the time of the initial attack. Including several loyalist White Scars, the Death Guard Xerxes, and a Renegade Iron Warrior. 

Fascinating. An injury imparted to one Baseline spurred multiple factions into cooperation. Though he wasn't totally surprised, Lullaby seemed quite the sweet soul, and Astartes, however hardened they might be, seemed to have a soft spot in their programming for such things. 

At least...Anrir liked to believe most of them did. (That they were better than the slavish dogs of war they'd been bred for.) And indeed he felt his hands clench and his lip curl at the description he read. 

One of the Emperor's Golden Elite, a Custodes, committed this act. The Emperor who created them to be beacons and vanguards for humanity. It seems this Custodian had forgotten their place and purpose. 

He grimaced as he looked over the pictures taken, the painful looking bruises around Lullaby's neck as they laid in a hospital bed, about how the intervention of Xerxes with his...carrion wasps (Anrir suppressed a shudder.) had saved their life, and the months of painful rehabilitation they'd had to go through as was documented. Thinking back, he had an idea of the Hunt Khopesh was planning to ask for. And more importantly, his own overcrowded memory was coming back to him. 

"I know why I recognized them." He mutters under his breath. "They were in and out of the Loyalist clinic, I saw them in passing a handful of times."

"To think they had survived an encounter with a Custodes. They truly must be a lucky soul…" Anrir mused. 

Hura sighed. "I was brought in to help in their care and recovery, given my Expansive resume of experience." Hura laughed almost scornfully. "And I was Sworn to secrecy, the alliance didn't want to deal with the risk of hunting a custodes, nor the backlash they'd receive for Not calling a hunt on an attempted human killer."

"So they buried the whole damn business. Typical!" Karlsor remarked, peeking his head in. 

Anrir nodded, but that still left one thing unknown. "Not to dismiss your capabilities, but why only You for the overseeing apothecary?"

Hura smiled wryly. "Less bodies, means less lips to worry about sealing. Besides...if you check the dates I think you'll recall you were...out of town when the attack occurred?"

Anrir ran a quick swipe over his memories, true he often went on...business trips of different sorts. "Ah right." Indeed, at the time, he and his sons were taking a small trip to rectify the presence of a human trafficking den in a township nearby.

He'd found some excellent supplies in the process. Too bad he couldn't make the former owners of the place Really Beg for the mercy of the grave. 

Ah well, only so much time in a day. Anrir continued to read. The report further described the presence of a Normal Broken Bond as described by an Ultramarine librarian who examined Lullaby as they lay stable but unconscious after their trauma. 

And though not every visit, they also had their bond examined multiple times. The appearance was the same, snapped vines that were slowly desicating away. 

Perhaps Too slowly…

"Hura, what is the average time for a broken bond to wither away?"

Hura hummed thoughtfully. "Weaker bonds can resolve in a matter of days, for those of moderate strength and age, a few weeks. As for intense bonds…" Hura trailed off. 

Ah yes, one of the more...disturbing sides of this bizarre gift they'd all received. He recalled the first time he'd had Karlsor use his warp sight on a Space Marine who'd lost their intense bond, as the restrained War Hound thrashed and howled in agony. 

He couldn't see it himself, but he'll never forget seeing his son's face go even more pale. 

"It's fucking Strangling his soul." Karlsor swore. 

But back to the present. Intense bonds Could indeed stay longer, but they hadn't the chance to examine their appearance on humans. And without the Custodes present, there was no way of knowing if their side of the bond held those characteristics. 

But still, Anrir cleared his throat. "Well, it does appear my questions have been answered. There's no evidence you Or your Brother played a hand in this bond mutation. But now we must still ask "Why?"

"And what the heck do we do about it?" Karlsor piped up. 

Wait a minute. 

Anrir turned sharply to 'Karlsor'. "What...did you just say?"

'Karlsor' stood there for a moment. "I...ah...I said What the Fuckin heck do we do about it?" He stammered a bit. 

"Hey! You old fucks even halfway fucking done in there or do I need to plan on getting a new fucking bolt after we get the fuck outta here!?" A voice shouted from down the hall just past the door with the knock lock. 

Anrir bristled. "IMPOSTER!" He snarled, lunging and pinning the interloper to the nearest wall. Hura simply stood back, arms crossed and shaking his head. 

"You Really couldn't help yourself, could you?" He sighed, Anrir was confused, until the squirming Bastard wearing his son's face sighed and relented. 

Dark blue became teal, and the pale scarred face took on a more olive tone, with bright teal eyes. 

"Who are you? And if you even fucking Think about Saying Alpharius, I will start with your teeth and won't stop until I've plucked out Each and Every One of your bones!" Anrir snarled, before Hura put a tempering hand on his shoulder. 

"Relax Anrir, I know this one." Hura soothed. He turned to the Hydra and said very sternly, "Zariel…"

The Hydra sighed before acquiescing. "I saw your little family gathering and became curious myself. So I figured...what the hell? Might as well use the fact Alpha Legion helped design this space to my advantage." He shrugged. 

Anrir groaned, but did not release the pesky teal bastard. "How did you get past Karlsor?" He demanded. 

"I didn't, I figured Hura would bring you here eventually, so I got here ahead of you and decided to camp out in one of the other rooms after locating the file." Zariel shrugged. "Honestly, having a third person made it easier for me as I didn't have to worry about only approaching while the two of you were separated."

Karlsor sends Anrir a message [Oi- old man, you asleep in the hell that is paperwork?]

[I and Hura are still awake.] Anrir responds. [Just dealing with a sneaky Hydra.]

[Those fuckers!] Karlsor responds [Need back up?]

[Not yet, Hura and I have the situation handled for you.] Anrir responds.

[Let me know if you need some Psychic muscle Anrir.] Karlsor replies.

[Oh, I will.] Anrir responds.

Anrir focuses on the conversation between this ‘Zariel’ and Hura tilting his head and keeping the Hydra pinned against the wall. For now at least. One should always try to have the upper hand with the sneaky buggers.

“You should have said something or texted,” Hura says with a disappointed sigh and shakes his head. “You are lucky that I was here and that Anrir has yet to take more hostile, understandably so action with this grox shite that you pulled, Hydra.”

“Yes, but this way is more entertaining,” Zariel argues with a huff. Then he winces a little when Anrir pushes into him a little bit. “Could you let me up? I’m here to help. The Primaris Ducklings are also partially under my protection and care too.”

“Still, why are you here?” Hura asks Zariel as he strides closer to him.

Zariel shifts a little and huffs as he says that, “I couldn't help myself, we hydras love secrets and he's willing to share.”

“We who?” Hura asks, narrowing his eyes, “is your squad nearby?”

“They know where I am,” Zariel says, but they aren’t in these rooms, “So if you or Anrir, or someone else try to disappear me they’ll know who to go after and where.”

The file details many different things, more on the details of Lullaby's injuries and treatment. And that even at their last check up they were secretly looked at by a librarian. The bond was taking a While to wither, but it was withering!

Zariel points out, gesturing to one of the Librarian's latest reports, dated two weeks ago at a clinic in their hometown, “There is no sign of the decay Jophiel saw.”

“It’s… could it be a whole new bond type and … could Lullaby possibly be a nascent Psyker? Developing amidst the Baseline populace?” Hura muses.

“What a discovery!” Anrir proclaims as his eyes gleam brightly, fogging over with ideas of what this could mean. Anrir pauses as he thinks over the potential implications and says out loud, almost offhandedly, “ But...if the bond is altered...that could also mean. Ah. I wonder if Lullaby may not be able to form a permanent bond ever again.”

Zariel and Hura are quiet as they ponder those implications and Hura pipes up saying “Lullaby needs to be told. About their potential Psykery, and about the possibility of them not being able to permanently Bond with another.”

“I agree,” Zariel says, as he knows about the nature of various brothers and cousins and says warningly, “They're the patient and if they shock a less friendly space marine and that marine realizes what they are, they could be taken hostage.”

The trio of Space Marines look at each other at that. Some of their brothers and cousins could get highly reactive about certain things. And the reactions they could have were as diverse as the galaxy is.

“... I think telling Lullaby that they have an unviable bond, and that it is so unusual and mutated is… important, it could be affecting their health, be it physical, mental, emotional, psychically or in their soul, but we won’t know until we investigate more.” Hura says with a grim expression on his face.

“I will tell Khopesh he needs to bring them back to base,” Anrir says, “After their date is over to speak with them.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” Hura says with a nod. “Don’t want to worry the younglings too much, but it’s important, too important to let it wait too long.”

The three of them are quiet, a somber heavy feeling curling around the three of them. Anrir slowly lets go of Zariel as they ponder what the next steps are to do. Zariel grabs the documents in Lullaby’s file and makes sure they are in proper order.

“Also, I was here to add in more of the falsified documentation and do more of the safety rotation and cipher changing,” Zariel tells them.

He’d gone into these archives for multiple reasons, some of them more legitimate and than others. While his fellow Hydra’s would understand because of curiosity and having a nose for Interview and how curious and strange certain reactions were, most others not of the lineage of the Hydra got terribly annoyed with that answer for some reason.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The waiter came back with a platter piled high with their appetizers and drink orders. He set down the plates of steaming hot food. The smell of it makes your mouth water and the way that it glistens in the low light just enhances the delight as your stomach rumbles as the appetizer plates are set down, and then the sharing plates. The dipping sauces and the drinks.

The waiter asks if they have decided on their dinner, or if they want him to come back in a bit. You've decided on the spicy ramen and tell the waiter as much. 

“Alright, I Must warn you though the highest spice level is more for Astartes, below that is what would be considered very hot for humans, then moderate, and then mild. Which level would you prefer?”

You thought it over. “I'll take it human moderate please.” You eventually settle on, handing the waiter your menu. 

“I’ll have it hot and spicy!” Khopesh says with a grin, “Astartes level hot!”

“... Khopesh,” You say, “are you sure you want to do that?”

“That sounds like a challenge Lullaby, and I don't back down from challenges!” Khopesh declared confidently, “Besides! You seem to like it so I'm sure I will as well.”

“Okay…if you're certain.” You reply with a shrug, deciding to grab and eat one of the Roulette dumplings, and a scallion pancake. 

You bit into the innocuous looking dumpling and hummed at the burst of spicy flavor. “Hm! Hot one on the first try!” You smiled, dipping the remainder in sauce and eating it. 

“Excuse me?” Khopesh asked, grabbing his own appetizers. 

“Oh that's what the Roulette Dumplings are, look.” You grabbed another dumpling and took a taste. A savory and sour flavor followed. “There are three flavors; spicy, sour and regular. It's a gamble what you get with every one you eat.”

Khopesh seemed legitimately intrigued, he picked up one and examined it, before tentatively popping it into his mouth. “Hm!”

That…that wasn't what he was expecting. It started out like a simple prick of sensation on his tongue, then it grew warmer spreading over his mouth, then it was Hot. It left his mouth tingling unpleasantly, even if the flavor was savory and good he-

“You doing alright over there?” You asked, noting the reddening of Khopesh's face.

The Night lord broke from his pain to shoot you a scowl, before he swallowed quickly so the burning morsel no longer sat on his tongue. It left an itchy staticky aftertaste falling down his throat. 

“Ulp! Fine, I am Fine.” He replied, rolling his mouth and tongue a bit as if trying to shake off the lingering taste. “See?? I can handle this Astarte Spice just fine!” He huffed, crossing his arms defiantly. 

“Khopesh, those were regular spicy.”

“-!” You saw him flinch. But before either of you could speak further…

“And here's two ramen bowls! One Moderate Spicy and the Other We have Salamander Spicy! Enjoy!” The waiter delivered your meal items cheerfully, and was gone almost as fast. 

Khopesh started down at the steaming bowl, and he could Feel the spice and the heat and the Hell that awaited his mouth. He felt it in every inhale. 

“Khopesh…you don't have to.” You started.

The Night lord turned his eyes sharply to you. “I will not be Cowed by a bowl of Soup and Noodles!” He declared, frustratedly picking up his utensils. “I Will enjoy it, just as you do.”

Fine! Just let him hurt himself. Fool won't fuckin listen anyway. You rolled your eyes. 

No…no, you're not gonna just stand by. 

“Khopesh…”

“Silence!” Khopesh snarled, focused on his bowl. “Do not try and stop m-”

Khopesh found himself cut off by a much smaller hand coming to grasp his own harshly. He looked up and what he saw Actually made him take notice.

You looked Pissed. Not unraveled but very much in line with; ‘Okay now the angry bitch is coming out’ as his Muti would say. 

“First of all,” You growled back with a convincing level of menace for your size. “Never, tell me to Silence, myself again. And if you even Think about laughing, I will walk out of here and leave your ass in a heartbeat. Do not play games, and Do Not talk down to me.”

Well he was somewhat at a loss for words. Seeing you like this Was kinda hot, good hot not hell hot, but also you might get more mad if he mentions that. 

Still holding his utensil hand hostage you pick up a spoon from your own side, gather some of your own broth, and hold it out to him. 

“Try mine first. Before you decide to hurt yourself to prove some dumbshit point for pride.” You insisted.

Khopesh looked at your spoon, and could smell the similar but Much less threatening aromas coming off it. He allowed you to feed him, halfway between confused and entranced. 

Until the spicy hit him even harder than the dumpling had and he reared back. “Mmp! Mmmmmuhhg Alck kkkkh!” In all his decades and battles and hardships (scrounging for rats and bugs in the gutters of Nostramo, looting and cooking corpses just to keep himself fed one more day-) he had Never been subject to a (not really flavor more like a) food sensation that repulsed him more. 

“See?” You prompted the Nightlord, who was now gulping down his drink to get rid of the bad pain hot sensation in his mouth. 

“By Curze that is Awful!” He gasped. 

You shrugged. “It's not for everyone. But then again hardly anything is.” You reply, taking a mouthful from your own soup. 

Khopesh slumped dejectedly, looking at his now cooler but still Evil bowl of hell soup. He couldn't eat this. 

“Let's go ahead and order something else.” You propose. “Something you'll like more.”

“But I wanted to eat the same thing as You.” Khopesh replied sullenly. He wanted it to be like you were sharing the same meal. Like he'd provided for both of you. “I couldn't do a proper game hunt on such short notice…I was hoping this could be similar. And that we could have more in common with the foods we like.” He explained when you looked confused. 

“ …Why? You know we don't have to be doing the exact same thing or Like the same exact things to enjoy eachothers company right?”

Khopesh glanced up, instead of frustration he saw…softness. “Khopesh. I like being here with you. Heck I'm still blown away someone as powerful and capable as you even Likes My company.”

Khopesh wanted to push you further on that point, but you continued before he could. 

“I enjoy our time together because we're different, not in spite of it. I love learning about all the little things that make you, You. And I love them just the same if they end up being the same as me, similar to me, or radically different to me.” You explain further, scratching the back of your neck as you felt the blush creep up it with the pseudo confession you'd just given. 

Well at least you weren't the only one. Khopesh had a vaguely surprised expression on his gaunt face, and a blush to boot. It was cute. 

“I guess what I mean to say is…I’m glad I get to spend time with you.” You state simply. “Although saying that, there is one thing…one conversation we Need to have before moving forward.” You place your utensils down and take a steadying breath. Now or never.

Khopesh leaned in. “I am listening.”

You nodded. “I've been thinking it over, and I Think I finally understand what my nightmares have been trying to tell me.”

Khopesh cocked an eyebrow. “You have the gift of prophecy??”

You shook your head. “Ah no. No. Not quite. Just self awareness.” You reply, then continue. “I had another Nightmare before coming here and…in that dream, you saved me from…a threat.” You chose your words very carefully, and subconsciously brushed your hand over your neck. 

Khopesh seemed agreeable to that. Yes of Course he would protect you from Anything. Can you protect them from yourself though? An nagging voice needled at him which he Firmly brushed aside. 

“But in the next part of the dream you ah…Reached Into my chest, and…ripped my heart out.” Well there wasn't any much Nicer a way to put it; Khopesh still looked horrified. 

“Are you saying you think I'd-” But you held up a hand to stop him. 

“Please, let me finish,” You pleaded, and though clearly dissatisfied Khopesh relented. “I…I adore you, Khopesh, I think I might even Love you.”

“But even though what happened to me before wasn't your fault, wasn't in anyway even Involved with you…It still left it's mark, mentally and physically.” More neck rubbing. You continued. “I think the dreams are telling me that what I fear most, is being hurt again. And the way I see it, there's two ways that could happen with you.”

“If there comes a time I can no longer surprise you…or excite you or even just…Amuse you…I’m afraid you'll throw me away…” You say quietly. 

“Or if there comes a day where, for whatever reason, I want to leave…that you won't let me.” You bring your eyes back to the Nightlord who is sitting stock still in front of you. 

His pale features are still lit with candlelight, still beautiful and haunting as ever. The rest of the noise in the background seems to fade away. 

“I Need to know…that if one day this ends. Whether it's you, or Me who decides to walk away. For whatever reason. That you'll let me.” You say solemnly. “I don't want to go down this road if I'll just end up where I was before. Broken and discarded because…because someone with strength and power over me that I could never hope to match, decides that my life and my being as a person isn't…isn't worthy to l-live.” You state, feeling yourself beginning to choke up. 

Not even worth a backwards glance. You weren't even worth a backwards glance. Unworthy to Live, Unworthy to Love! unworthy, Unworthy, UNWORTHY!

“Lullaby,” Now you felt a large cool hand reach for your own. The one that was scratching at you neck. You glance up to see Khopesh reaching over the table, his expression a mix of concerned and confused. “You're afraid.”

You couldn't help yourself, you leaned into the cool hand pressing to your face now and let out a giggle that was more sob than laughter. “T-that part is obvious.” You snort. “I just…” You gestured vaguely. “I want this to be a Choice for both of us, not an Obligation. I want us to both Choose to see where this goes. And if it doesn't work out then…we can both walk away safe. Can we…can we do that? Please?” You asked, more plaintive and less confident. 

Khopesh hesitated, of all things he did not expect…this. To see you so vulnerable, he had once before but this felt so much more Raw, since you'd chosen to show him this. 

Not to mention…the things you spoke of, he was entirely unfamiliar with. No serf would Ever dare bring these kinds of words to their Night lord…but…could he Really say your relationship had anything in common with the ones he'd seen in his own timeline? It was only then he realized he had so little to work off of. 

We could agree, a voice inside him purred, but not Truly. Pull them into our web so they can never leave. Make them believe it is their choice. They'll be so Happy to have all that dreadful stress off their shoulders. They'll never Actually want to leave. The voice sounds almost more like Anrir than himself, and while part of him is disturbed the other Desires. 

Another comes. What is even the Fucking point of this shit if there isn't Trust? You're a Night lord, we don't deal in honestly but we're not Fucking hypocrites either! That thought hurts and it's because it's true. 

Don't they deserve to feel safe? A softer thought chimes in. It's unusual but they seem to Really want this. What's the harm?

The harm is that if we allow this they could come to harm! A rougher voice shoots back. They belong safe in Our arms, why are we even entertaining-

“Khopesh?” The Nightlord is brought back to the present, and at once he is caught by your eyes. Pleading, unsure, fearful but most of all…

Hopeful. They are full of a Hope that Khopesh had long thought was beyond his kind seeing. Night lords did not inspire hope. The moment it was realized What the were, and Who they Were, all softness turned to fear and ice. 

But not you. You looked at him like he could be more than a monster...

Like he could make you feel safe, and loved

Like he could be… a hero…Your hero.

A clear voice comes next. His Vada You take good care of ‘em then.

Khopesh felt the coils of his muscles and the breath held in his lungs release. You still waited with baited breath. 

“I…” Fuck Curze dammit where does he Even start. “I was not…prepared for this I…I am…not sure what to say…” He lets out a low huff. He doesn't like being caught so out of his element.

He thinks back on your words. “I…adore the time I have had with you as well. And I won't lie, I Loathe, the thought of losing you…” He could feel a guttural snarl building up but he tamped it Down. 

“But if…having this promise between us would make you feel safe and…Happy…then I will…Agree…” He stated, still struggling a bit to get the words out, even having to close his eyes and grit his teeth as he did. 

Snff, hiccup He reopened his dark eyes to see you…crying?

Oh sweet hell what now- but before he could complete that thought you'd sprung up, come around the table and launch yourself into his arms with a cry of “Khoopeeeesh!” 

Khopesh let out a surprised “-ooF!” Though the impact wasn't anything he couldn't handle. “Lullaby what are you mMph!”

A little of that spicy bad sensation came back, but This time it was outside his mouth And it was because you were pressing your lips to his in a Firm kiss. The small flickers of displeasure from the spicy, and the feeling of unease from the strange new arrangement he'd just agreed to���all faded to a near imperceptible hum as he found himself utterly melting into your kiss. 

“Mwah,” You pulled back, but still gripped him to you, or yourself to him. Feeling again like a miniature sun, sharing your warmth with eagerness and snuggling up to and kissing him all over his face with gusto. 

“Ah so…are you, Pleased- with my phrasing?” He asked tentatively, okay now he was Really liking this. 

“Yes! You Dork!” You laughed, tilting your forehead so it rested against his. You stayed like that for a moment, just enjoying the physical touch. “That is Exactly what I needed to hear.”

Khopesh felt his chest swell with warmth. Okay…he could do this. 

“Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr,” You felt the Nightlord you were still embracing start to vibrate with purrs. 

“Ah…you folks doing okay?”

(!) Both of you jolted at the awkward interjection by your waiter. Really wishing you'd gotten a table fully in the back corner at this point. (It was still further back and most people were still engrossed in their own food and conversations so…)

“Ah sorry!” You scrambled to pull yourself into a more dignified position, now realizing you'd been essentially kneeling on the space of the booth that Khopesh wasn't occupying, and latching onto him like a lamprey. 

“Lullaby…” You looked up to see Khopesh looked disappointed? Pouty he straight up looked pouty that you were trying to move. 

You let your embarrassment pass, and your heart melted all over again. “Here, let's do this.” You slotted yourself in so you were both sitting, right up next to your Nightlord, just like when you'd walked over. Khopesh smiled and wrapped his arm around you, nuzzling the top of your head. 

You turned back to the waiter. “We'll need a takeout box for this, and My partner,” You say the word full of new pride and confidence. “Would prefer something else.” You explain, gesturing to the hell ramen. 

The waiter smiled, still a little awkwardly but nodded. “Ah of course, I'll get right on that.” They also took a new order for Khopesh, who decided on the Egg Foo Young. 

“Wait…I thought you didn't want to eat something this spicy?” Khopesh asked as the waiter walked off. 

You shrugged. “One bite probably won't kill me. Besides, if I can't eat it I'll just let it spoil, then Xerxes can eat it. So either way, it won't be wasted.”

Khopesh smiled, and you returned to you less…emotionally taxing conversations. Now snuggled up close, with the stress and the fear and the awful voices dim in your mind. 

As you waited for Khopesh's proper order. You both nibbled on the Scallion pancakes and the Roulette dumplings; you consuming the spicy and passing the other ones to him. He actually quite enjoyed the sour variety. Even if his description of them was slightly…disturbing.

“The sour tinge reminds me of cooked rotten flesh, but without any actual rot.” 

How were you supposed to respond to that?? “Well…glad to hear a restaurant's food doesn't have any rot in it. What would the health department say?” You reply jokingly, which causes Khopesh to laugh. 

As Khopesh's proper food order was dropped off and you both resumed eating your entrees, you both heard a familiar Ping. Khopesh reacted to the sudden sound by glancing at his vox. 

[Khopesh, return to base as soon as you are able, and bring Lullaby. It is important.] The message is from Anrir, and it makes Khopesh feel both curiosity and concern.

“What's wrong?” You ask, not being able to see the message yourself. 

“Anrir wants us back at the base for some reason.” Khopesh replies, his tone conveying his unsureness with the situation. 

“I wonder why,” you reply a little nervously, “it could be for… not ominous reasons.”

“Not sure,” Khopesh replies, “... I hope we can end this on a positive note.”

Even if he does wonder why Anrir had to send him a message that could be anxiety inducing. He thinks and reflects on his behavior and on his lovely Lullaby's behavior and he doesn't think either of them have done anything To warrant a Scolding.

“We won't know until we see him,” You say, “so let's enjoy our time together and walk back. Yeah?”

Khopesh nods in response, pulling you just a bit closer with a low purr. “Yeah…I'm sure its nothing Too serious.”

[help-im-a-gay-fish]

Okay I had to do some stuff, but here I am rambling about relationship between Killer and Nightmare in Colours of LOVE.

Some of this I might mention before some of it might be your and Jann or Yuri ideas... Anyway!! The way I see that:

Even though this is soulmate au Nightmare and Killer aren't perfect fit for eachother. They are perfect fit in threesome - Ccino softens rough edges of both of them, and changes their attention from being mad on eachother to carrying about Ccino together (especially at first when he is really depressed). But before that... It was hard.

Killer is really open about everything he thinks and feels. If he founds someone who is attractive he will flirt. Even when he is already dating Nightmare. And also he always shows his affection to Nightmare everywhere, in public too. That's cute and sweet, but Nightmare is really closed person so that makes him really uncomfortable. Night often got jealous with Killer flirting with anyone else, got embarrassed with his kisses and all on public, and in general is a bit annoyed with Killer's actions. Killer on the other hand doesn't really understand why Nightmare is so "tensed" (he is not, Night is just much more calm, but Killer don't get it).

They were braking up and coming back again a few times, because they had argued a lot about everything and got tired of this. Right now they are on their "best days" - they started to date again a few weeks ago and right now they are through some stuff, they understand eachother better, and pretty chill about eachother weird actions. Like in the second page Night is a bit flustered by Killer's kiss but he almost used to that. Same as he is worried about being late, since Killer is almost always late, but he is more or less fine by that. On next page (which you haven't seen yet), there are an interesting dialog between them, and I will definitely write some of "subtext" about it when I will post it.

Actually if they haven't met Ccino they would break up again after a few months. And maybe come back again after a week.

Also! Interesting thing about third soulmate: at the beginning of the comic (before Nigh met Ccino) Killer is 100% sure that they have third soulmate, but Nightmare is sure for about 60%. Killer is existed about that, he knew knew that he is polyamorious for a long time, but Nightmare hesitates a lot, because he can't really imagine himself in polyam relationship. It feels weird and also he is soooooo jealous about Killer paying any attention to anyone except him, that he worries to become "third wheel". Will it be different with Ccino?? Who knows (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Hi kotikaleo!!! This was super fun to read.

Firstly I'm going to tag @zu-is-here since she started the studio verse

It's definitely an interesting insight to your comic and the characters!

It reminds me a lot of an early version of my own ideas about the studio verse nightkiller relationship! And I can definitely see the way we have bounced headcannons of each other paying off.

Them still dealing with a softer kind of lovehate dynamic is an interesting one. It doesn't seem to be as extreme as my version, but it's interesting that it's still there.

The fact that they are meant to work as a 3 makes sense as well. If they are supposed to be bounded as a 3 it makes sense that three they their relationship would be unstable. They don't work as a two, but they are soul mates and something would always pull the two of them together.

I'm also curious, since Nightmare isn't 100% sure that the lack of colour is due to them being soul mated to another person. I wonder if he ever felt like the universe got it wrong? And that he'd been mated to the wrong person? Or perhaps he felt it meant that him and Killer don't have soul mates and that's why they have some connections.

It sad boy.

Also if Killer knows he's poly by nature, is that something that causes disagreements with the 2 of them?

And now for mine and @jann-the-bean version.

This story has been something that we mostly developed in tumbler DMs but both me and Jan wrote a story about it. Jan wrote

KillerNight(s)

And I'm writing

Round and round till we all fall down

Nightmare and Killer's relationship started off baddddd, it basically started as a mutual dislike for one another. This is due to their conflicting personalities and morals.

Nightmare was originally quite excited to meet Killer, as he'd heard a lot about the actor. But almost straight away he found Killer to be rude, childish and irritating. Killer found Nightmare to be stuck up, snobbish and entitled.

The two first met at an awards ceremony and got into a yelling match after a few drinks and were separated. From there their dislike for one another was made quite well known to the public because of a social media battle back and forth.

This only went on for a few months however, as the characters of 'Killer' and 'Nightmare' were cast to play together.

Nightmare and Killer agreed to be civil in order to function while working and get the filming completed as soon as possible.

As they worked together, their dislike turned into a playful banter and respect for one another. And then something else shifted.

Now Killer has a reputation for being a player and one who likes to sleep around, as you said, he's open about his interest in people when he has it and enjoys casually flirting with just about anyone.

Which came to include Nightmare.

Nightmare paid no mind to it really, though he couldn't understand why it embarrassed him so much.

Killer comes to find Nightmare to be very attractive and enjoys his reactions when teased, he rights him off though because he was under the impression that Nightmare was straight, and he'd never try to change that.

It was a day when they were talking about Killer's eyes and how it's caused him to struggle, that Nightmare tells him that he thinks his eyes are very pretty and that they are an attractive quality, and something in Killer breaks and he kisses him.

So Killer feels like he messed up and the two avoid each other. But it causes Nightmare to start questioning things about himself.

Nightmare at this point had only every dated women. He assumed that he was straight. But after that kiss a lot of buried feelings are dragged to the surface and exposed, and he realises that he's also attracted to men.

So Jan goes into full details about this, in the fic Killernights, but basically Nightmare confronts Killer about the kiss and Killer tells him he 'has a thing for him'

The two go back to Killer's flat to talk, but their normal banter, leads to flirting and then another kiss. And Nightmare who is curious and suddenly craving new sensations becomes lost to him. Killer who finds Nightmare physically very attractive, also gets wrapped up and the two of them sleep together.

Nowwww this is getting long so I'll try to shorten it down a bit.

Basically, it's an amazing night. It's passionate, enjoyable and a lot of fun for both of them. Upon finding out Night has never been with a man, Killer guides him carefully though the process.

After that night the two can't stop thinking about each other, even though they both planned for it to be a one time thing. Again, they avoided each other until talking after a while.

And killer admits his desires for the other, and offers Nightmare a safe environment to experiment with his sexuality, where he won't be judged.

To cut a long story short, this spirals into a passionate and carnal, on and off booty call/fling with each other that spans for years.

Other that time they grow very close with each other, and come to recognise the similarities that they share, and have soft moments of just enjoying being together with one another.

For Killer, Nightmare is the first person to ever tell him he had beautiful eyes and mean it. The first person who wasn't at all put off by them.

To Nightmare, it feels like Killer is the one person that will never pick Dream over him. And he makes him feel wanted and desirable in a way few have before.

However, their are still parts of their relationship that conflict. Of course a healthy relationship will always have some conflicts. But for Killer and Nightmare the conflicts clash and fight with each other.

That along with both of their past traumas, (I wrote about Killer's back story here) means they find it difficult to talk about genuine feelings and what's bothering them. Causing things to bottle up and blow up over time.

They also find it impossible to admit that they actually love each other deeply.

They tried to be in a full on committed relationship once, (which I'm writing about in Round and Round) but it didn't work out for these issues. As well as the fact that Killer is poly by nature, and therefore gets anxious and uncomfortable in a relationship with one person only. Which he won't talk to Night about for the reasons stated above.

Enter Ccino.

Now Ccino is the missing piece for Nightmare and Killer.

He's soft and gentle spoken, which easily helps them calm down when things get heated between them. He also provides a safe and loving space to open up about what things are bothering them.

Nightmare and Killer's also, as you said, spend more energy caring for and sometimes worrying about Ccino, so they have less energy for the constant fighting.

Ccino was the missing piece. He's the person who will cuddle and read books with nightmare, but also the one who's super into affection, which Killer loveesss.

A relationship would never work between just killer and Ccino, since Ccino wouldn't be able to keep up with Killer's libido and killer doesn't know much about Ccino's mental health. And Ccino wouldn't work in a relationship with just Nightmare because Night's colder and more straight forward personality would leave him affection staved after a while.

They just work together! They are basically soul mates in this universe as well!

P. S Nightmare in this universe was also very veryyyyy jealous when Killer showed interest in Ccino. Which is something he took out on Ccino till Killer stopped it. After falling in love with Marshmallow he regrets this a lot.

I'M SO EXCITED FOR MORE. COLOURS OF LOVEEEEE

[lavenderbexlatte]

Hello!!! Welcome to 🦋 anon's probably-way-too-overthought analysis on the m&m series in light of the new part. I have stopped crying and had about 24 hours to think, and I have discovered I have many thoughts, and this will probably be way more detailed than it should be.

The first thing I would like to address are some of the accusations Chan made at the end of the most recent part. (While I understand that they're supposed to not quite be accurate because of their obvious root in insecurity, and a lot of what I'm saying may just be like "yeah, obviously," I still would like to tell at the character a bit but I can't so this is what I have.)

Claim #1: "You fucking came at us at that party with your little girl-dom agenda and the guys fell for it, hook line sinker!"

This one's fairly self explanatory, no she didn't. They literally came onto her, even him, with his "There’s that pretty blush," and "Whatever you want it to be," lines. (And while yes, it's very likely that he was just trying to play it cool, but there's no way she could've known that, I'll come back to this later.)

Claim #2: "Nobody fucking asked me what I wanted!" "Nobody asked if I was sure that I wanted…"

Also mostly false, but he does have a tiny bit of a point. Yes, reader did grab his hair without asking, which is a little iffy, but she didn't actually rough with him until he goads her on. But I would argue that the reader is actually the ONLY one who asks him what he wants, if he's okay with things. While there may have been a little bit of discussion on the decision to approach the reader that we didn't see because of perspective (him saying this is kind of telling me that there wasn't, or at the very least not enough, maybe even some pressure for this to be the moment), or maybe Changbin said something while reader is with Jisung on the couch, after that, we don't see Jisung and Changbin check in with him at ALL, and there's not really an opportunity any other time for it just not have been noticed by the reader. As his partners, and the ones in the situation who have the full knowledge of Chan's situation, it should've been their responsibility to make sure he was alright throughout the process, even if they're not the ones in control for this situation, ESPECIALLY if they're going to keep this information from their Domme for the night (which really, I would say, wasn't a good idea, but no one is required to out themselves so I'll leave it alone).

HOWEVER, the reader does check with him, several times. She asks for boundaries/hard limits/etc before they even start anything, and while again, he's not required to say "hey, having a sexuality crisis, first time with a girl, kinda nervous," and he may not want to tip off Jisung and Changbin that something's wrong, that would be the time to say something like "I'm not feeling anything rough tonight, if you could be gentler that would be great." She asks them if there's anyone that doesn't actually want to fuck her. Also, she implements a safeword system (which she specifically calls him out to make sure he's okay with), which they weren't even going to USE, and asks them at least twice throughout the scene for their color, and Chan specifically if he's okay at least two more times besides that. Actually Chan almost makes fun of her for asking so many questions, so I think this claim is just another part of his insecurity-fed delusion that she's conspiring to ruin his life, or something, but again I'll come back to that. My point is that despite being the only one who doesn't know his situation, reader is also the only one who checks in with him.

There are a few other things he said that I took issue with, but those are the main two.

Next; Chan's delusion that reader is like conspiring to ruin his life. (Really like how you depicted this by the way, though I may be thinking wayyy too far into this.) I remember watching some video when I had one of my mental health/disorders hyperfixations. The video was about schizophrenia, and while I definitely don't think Chan has schizophrenia, one of the things the video talked about was types of delusions, and this kind of reminded me of one of them. I don't remember what it's called, but it's basically a delusion based around one idea, and then you force the world around you to fit into that idea. One example of this that I can think of is Azula from ATLA. Towards the end of her arc in the TV series, she starts seeing hallucinating her mother everywhere, and you get a peek of her fixed belief that her mother is behind everything that has gone wrong in her life, which is expanded upon a little bit in the books. Obviously Chan's not experiencing delusion to the extent that she did, but I did see some (albeit much less intense) parallels that were interesting. See, if he only talked about how his boyfriends seemed to like the reader more than him, that would be one thing, but he brings up his mother as well, which even though they did speak, it's a little out there to say that your mother likes someone she's talked to once more than you. That, combined with his insisting that the reader is playing some sort of game makes me think of that a little.

Of course this was only at first, when I was like "wtf, where is this 'my boyfriends like you more than me' thing coming from?" And then I reread the first few parts for this monstrosity of an ask that I'm writing rn. While at first I thought that this was entirely out of left field, when I read through the first few parts, especially the second one, with the knowledge that he felt that way, I noticed a few things you had put in there.

For the majority of the scene, or at least the first good chunk, the reader deals with Jisung and Changbin alone, leaving Chan by himself to watch. Obviously, as we see the reader's perspective, we know that it's because she found Chan's attitude intriguing and wanted to be able to deal with that one on one (at least that's what I got from it), it's easy to see now how to someone who's already insecure about their relationship and themselves, that would read as someone replacing you. Especially when Jisung, with no ill intent, but still, outright rejects his help in favour of the reader, and once again, he is left out, only this time it's accompanied with the sting of knowing (or at least feeling) that your partner didn't want you involved.

Now I kinda want to go character by character, and idk, talk about what I think they did wrong? We'll see, I'm not going to edit this so here we go.

Jisung and Changbin : Honestly, looking back on 3racha's first encounter with the reader, they really should have done better as Chan's partners. Like I said earlier, as the ones who knew Chan's situation, and the ones who likely pressured him slightly into he whole ordeal, it was really their responsibility to make sure Chan was okay with everything that was going on. That, and them feeling the need to sneak around with reader behind Chan's back doesn't sit right with me. I get that they have an open relationship, but there's a difference between having an open relationship and hooking up with someone your partner doesn't like, and actively trying to hide that you're hooking up with them. Their relationship boundaries may be fine with that, but idk, something feels off about it.

(I couldn't figure out where to put this and you may have already addressed this but it's my little theory/headcanon that Chan actually suspected it was reader at Jisung's place, and when there wasn't anyone there, he kinda gaslighted himself afterwards, idk. With the new knowledge it feels likely.)

Also, knowing that they were together for a while before Chan joined the relationship I think explains so much about the communication issues they seem to have with him. While I do think Chan has trouble communicating his feelings about things, I think their established communication and knowing eachother really well doesn't help. I may just be making things up at this point, but I feel like they have trouble with communication with Chan specifically, maybe forgetting that he doesn't have the same time/experience thy have with each other? If that makes sense?

Chan : oh boy. I've gone into a lot of detail already, so I'll try to keep this brief. Obviously, I think he has a looooottt of insecurity he needs to work through. If I were reallllyyy analyzing this I would say maybe a past cheating partner(?), but unless that's relevant to the plot I'm not sure if that's just me reading too much into this. Also mentioned before, COMMUNICATION ISSUES. One thing that would prevent half of the issues with this series is Chan communicating with his partners, though I suppose that wouldn't be near as much fun to read. Or just communicating I'm general, like I said, he had a plethora of opportunities to communicate to reader if he wanted something different, and didn't. So, yeah. Honestly I think he causes most of his own problems, but I feel like we knew that.

Reader : Now. I spent most of this series completely on the reader's side. Last night after reading part six, I was like "oh my god. He's right!" But then I took a while and thought a lot about it (as you can see), and honestly, I think reader probably did the least wrong out of everyone. Yes, the hair thing was a little iffy, like I said earlier, but once I went back and realized that he was actively participating and egging her on, I don't think that's necessarily something she did wrong. Beyond that, she did the most in regards of communication (at least during sex, after is another story), even more than the partners themselves. I think she did the best she could with the information that was given to her. She saw three guys approach her as a unit, and while yes, she didn't ask before engaging with Chan, I don't think it's really her fault for assuming that they were all interested as a unit as well. She had no reason to question any of their sexualities, why would she? She sees three partners approach her in unison, why wouldn't she assume they were on the same page? Anyway, all that to say, I think reader is the most innocent of all the main characters so far, though I may feel different after sitting on this for more time.

Anyway, here's this unedited brain dump, loved the new part, enjoy. Or not ig - 🦋

i've been sitting on this for like a week bc it's just so long and amazing??? and i have no idea what to say?? 🥺🥺

the bit about chan having a sort of delusion that reader is out to ruin his life in a pointed, conspired way is VERY interesting. their dynamic is actually something that i pulled from myself, in a way. i'm really superstitious about dumb things. i hate, like, bumping into someone or accidentally saying something that hurts someone's feelings bc i know that that karma/vibe/intention (whatever you wanna call it, i'm not spiritual just paranoid) is gonna come back around.

reader is the opposite. she's just walking around doing things and thinking about herself, and then being shocked when there are equal and opposite reactions to the stuff she does. i overthink everything, so reader doesn't think nearly enough.

but lemme say

that the best thing you said is how jisung and changbin are absolutely not the innocent bystanders that everyone seems to think they are 🤐🤐 most readers LOVE those two. but think about it...what are they trying to accomplish, here? 👀

[fugginnugget]

Lets Talk; Naruto Shippuden

So, I’ve been out of the fandom for a while; just sort of recovering from the terrible, hetero-normative ending that was shoved violently down my throat. I was upset; not just as a shipper, because that’s not reason enough to rile my feathers as much as this did, but because of the unlikeliness of how the series ended; because of how the message of the series got skewered and warped.

Allow me to explain myself; 

(Spoilers and personal opinions ahead, read at your own risk. All opinions are mine, and I’m not trying to force them down your throat. If you don’t agree, power to you.)

Lets start with Sasuke. 

Yes, as all of us fans starting out with the SasuNaru kisses and queerbaiting, at the beginning of the main series; Naruto, I was intrigued by the secrets this character held. However, following the series, his actions and the way he treated people led me to loose interest. The powerful pretty-boy with all the girls falling at his feet? Not my type. 

Further, as we got into Shippuden, the story shifted from childhood into teenage drama, and Sasuke’s character went down the toilet. Why do I think that? Because hatred can drive you to do stupid things; but it isn’t a force strong enough to cause the reactions and subsequent actions that Sasuke developed. No, that’s mental breakage, loss of control, obsession that’s gone too far. His ending? Getting the girl who he abused, mentally and physically? Never should have happened. Being accepted back into Konoha? Never should have happened. Having the happy ever after with the kids and smiles? Never. Shoul’ve. Happened. 

Lets look at why; 

Sasuke is a self-centered maniac who cast aside his village and comrades in order to exact revenge for a crime that’s origins he didn’t know. Furthermore, he regrets his entire life choices after the death of his brother because he was so focused on his obsessive, selfish need for revenge, that he never saw the truth. He allowed the reanimation disaster that started the third shinobi war, then had the fucking balls to go stop it like a hero. He doesn’t deserve what he got. 

Moving on; 

Sakura.

Sakura worked hard to get where she was at the end of the series. She mastered the 100 healings and succeeded in carrying on the will of fire and the spirit of Tsunade. She is the embodiment of female strength in the series, she is the heroine of the story, no matter how much of a selfish, shallow bitch she can be. Do I like her? No. Appreciate her presence in the series? No. I never saw her as the model woman. She was strong, but she was also selfish and greedy; the sort of feminist people hate. The one that wants the attention, the one that wants the respect without earning it. The one that lives off of the social obligations of others. She could never stand on her own. Her ending? It was what I would have expected from any romantic drama; she gets her man and lives happily ever after. It was a disappointment. She remained shallow and never learned from her mistakes, her sacrifices all led to her personal gain. I predicted her every reaction based off of all media written today; there was nothing special about her; nothing but the two men’s backs that she couldn’t reach. 

How about Hinata. 

This is a very sore subject for me, and as I’m writing this, the bitterness in my stomach is sloshing around and making me nauseous. Why? Because she was painted as the one person who acknowledged Naruto when he was a child, but she really wasn’t. Sure, she was a shy little girl who was weak and needed protecting, and her family was of high prestige, so when they dragged her away, it still counted. Right? Those times when she saw his true nature, when she disagreed with all the others, it counted right? No. Why would it? Naruto never heard that, never saw that. She never defended him outright, she never did anything that would make her a true candidate for his affection until she stood against pein to try and save him. And would that cause him to feel real affection towards her? The pain of seeing his comrade die in front of him, the one thing he had been trying to avoid? The girl who was weak, the one he had stood up for, fought for, defended. The one he tried so desperately to protect, because she didn’t deserve to be treated like him. Called a failure. But was that fight only for her? Was that reason only for her? No. Naruto defended everyone who was in position like his. Rock Lee, with his genius of hard work vs “true” genius. Gaara, when they worked together on missions, when they fought against the artisans, after he died at the hand of the akatsuki. No. His passion for defending “failures” is greater than Hinata. He didn’t pay her any special attention, never professed his love for her like he did Sakura. There was no real chemistry or even time to progress a relationship, and yet they marry. They have children, and Naruto neglects his son for work. It’s not logical, it doesn’t fit. 

Speaking on defense; 

Gaara was a character whose entire world, his life, his outlook, his emotions, his understanding was changed by Naruto. Naruto was the one person who was strong enough to defeat the Shukaku, the only person who truly defeated Gaara. He was the only person to understand how Gaara truly felt, understand what he had been through. Naruto was Gaara’s first love, to be blunt. Let’s be honest;  I ship this. Naruto and Gaara get each other, they understand, they protect each other cannonly throught the series. Gaara starts a war for Naruto, to protect Naruto; Naruto nearly beats Deidara to death with his own hands trying to save Gaara, expends his chakra to save Gaara, stands with Gaara as he recovers. IT DOESN'T”T HAVE TO BE ROMANTIC, BUT IT IS LOVE. This relationship wasn’t obsessive. This was the only “healthy” relationship in the series. They depended on eachother to the extent of life or death, they trusted eachother to the extent of life or death. In the infinite tsukoyomi, Gaara DREAMS OF NARUTO. It’s platonic, Naruto was his closest friend, even in his prefect dream of family and love. Naruto is still there. 

Now this isn’t to convince you to sail with me on my ship of existential crisis; no. This is only to show you another aspect of how Naruto’s ending was so full of holes. Where did this relationship go? Are they penpal’s who only see eachother at gokage summits? Is the love and trust and dependency that they shared somehow broken by the sudden relationship with Hinata? By the seat of Hokage?  It’s full of holes.

Now; Naruto.

What the fuck happened to Naruto. Where is the man that spent his who life fighting for his dreams, following his nindou, leading the people, protecting his village, his friends, his nakama. Where is the man who saved the world, the descendant of the Sage of Six paths? That man is not the one who would neglect his son. That man is not the one who is so bland at the end of the series. So aged, so... seasoned. Sure, there is experience; a lot of experience, but that level of seasoning is too salty for me. The wholesomeness of the series; that feeling of family and the necessity of protecting who you love. The message that Naruto represented is lost. The boldness of charging in on pure emotion, the need to protect, to defend, the need to end the cycle of hatred and sadness and war, to unite all ninja, to lead a people to happiness; where did that message go? Did it get lost in the building of romantic relationships? Lost in the merge between prestige and popularity? Did the duality of his existence suddenly dissipate? Did the righteous power he sought, he mastered, did it suddenly make him flat. Normal. Equal. 

The power Naruto wields is the power of the outcast. The power of understanding, empathy. The power of forgiveness, acceptance; Naruto is love. Naruto is light. It’s been established both verbally and artistically in both the anime and manga. It’s cannon. 

So then why?

Why the dissatisfying ending? Why the baseless romance? Why?

I’m not asking for you to join my crew, I’m only asking you to look at the holes in the story. If I had it my way; I wouldn’t have included romance. There would be no Boruto. The series would have ended a legend that narutards like me could worship; a sandbox of inspiration and freedom. The ending ruined this series for me, and it’s taken me a very long time to be able to watch it again. It can never have the respect I gave it again; because the message died with Shippuden. The inspiration dies with the bonds that were ended with no purpose. 

I can speculate, I can scorn, but I still don’t truly know. They say “It’s a shounen anime, there can’t be homosexuals”, “It’s not that kind of manga”. 

Fuck that, why does Homosexuality have to fall into specific genres? 

Why do those genres treat it as a kink, a obsession? It’s sexualized for sales to heterosexual women. 

Don’t tell me it wouldn’t sell, everyone knows it would.