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the-meat-machine · 2 years ago

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Drabble for day 4 of -- wait this isn't a drabble at all, what gives?

Uh. Ahem. Fic for day 4 of @hsderseweek: Family Meetup - Mom/Mom. Which is to say, Alpha Rose/Beta Roxy.

Content warning for discussion of alcoholism.

Truth be told, you've never been much for parties. One of the many benefits of being famously reclusive back on your version of Earth was not having to fake your way through the sorts of society affairs that Strider crashed through like a man dressed in a bull suit ironically charging through a china shop.

So when Roxy invites you to a "shindig" for "all the kids and guardians and everyone who went through the game", your first instinct is to say, "Oh hell no."

You don't, of course. You couldn't bear the thought of disappointing Roxy. You'll simply have to gird your loins and make the best of it. Perhaps even attempt to — shudder — socialize.

Luckily, once you arrive at the party, you're saved from the burden of attempting small talk with all and sundry by Roxy's older counterpart — your own younger self's mother — who accosts you almost immediately to drag you off to talk about "wizzerds". It's almost embarrassing what a relief it is to find yourself at a quiet table on the outskirts of the party with "oh just call me Roxanne, it's not my name but we gotta have some way to tell the Roxys apart right?"

(You're amazed that she's willing to give up her name so easily. You have no intention of relinquishing yours. The other Rose will just have to deal.)

It turns out that "Roxanne" has read your entire oeuvre since the last time you met, which you must admit is rather flattering. She enthuses at length about the characters — evidently she was especially taken with Frigglish — and drops an apparently accidental hint that she not only ships him with Gastrell but has written fanfic about said dalliances, which you instantly resolve to track down and read by any means necessary.

You answer some of her behind-the-scenes questions and politely refrain from correcting her on some of the finer points of the narrative. You could hardly expect a first-time reader to pick up on the parallelism between Zazzerpan's Unimaginable Gallery and Calmasis's tendency to hoard enigmatic artifacts, and Roxanne of course doesn't have the cultural context required to understand all the symbolism that pervades the merfolk uprising.

From there, the conversation eventually turns to Roxanne's profession, which she describes as "oh nothing much, just your typical foxy ectoscientist slash hacker extraordinaire" with a mixture of humility and boastfulness that you can only characterize as "worryingly charming". ("Worrying" because you're not sure you like the psychological implications of the way your heart is starting to flutter over a woman who's so like your own long-distant but much-beloved daughter.)

There's a lull in the conversation after an extended digression on the finer points of feline genetics, during which both of your attention is caught by your own younger counterparts giggling with each other over a board game they're playing with their friends.

"God, they're such incredible girls, aren't they?" she says.

"Indeed," you say, feeling the corners of your lips curve up irresistibly as always at the sight of the daughter you thought you'd never meet. "Truly admirable. We couldn't wish for braver and more compassionate children."

"I know, right?" Roxanne is getting a little choked up. "Fuck, what — what did I do to deserve such a wonderful daughter?"

Something in her tone catches your attention, and when you turn back to her, you're alarmed to see that, far from the tears of joy you expected, her face is screwed up in abject misery and sloppy tears are starting to stream down her face.

Fuck. What are you supposed to do about this?

After a moment of internal panic, you decide that if it was you, you'd want privacy, so after a glance around, you urge her up by the elbow and lead the both of you into an empty room nearby, which appears to be some sort of shrine to Strider's movies. Or perhaps to the younger Strider's comics. You're a bit too preoccupied with Roxanne right now to perform a stylistic analysis to determine which generation of Striders is responsible for this particular artifact-ridden ocular assault.

"So, um. What's going on?" you say. Smooth, Lalonde. Truly people will believe that you're a professional wordsmith with seven award-winning novels under your belt when they hear lines like that come out of your mouth.

Roxanne is too immersed in whatever mental crisis she's going through to pay the slightest bit of attention to your awkwardness, which makes you feel briefly self-absorbed for even worrying about it.

"It's about Rose," she says in a small, miserable voice. "And me. I think — God, you're going to think I'm a monster. Um. I think I might not have been a very good mother. I think maybe I was a pretty shitty one, actually."

"How so?" you ask, even as the certainty settles into your bones that you'd be happier if you never knew the answer. Well, you've never been one to shy from unpleasant truths.

"Ok, so, um. Storytime, I guess. Did you know… for Rosie's tenth birthday, I had such big plans. We were gonna take a sleigh ride into the little town nearby and stop at all these quirky little shops there. I'd have bought her whateeeever she wanted, no matter how freaking weird it was, which it totally woulda been. She had a knack for picking out the freakiest items in the whole damn store, weirdass shit I don't think even the owners knew was on the shelves. One time she even found… well, I'm getting off track. Anyway. When we came home after that, there'da been two huge cakes in the shape of dueling wizards taking up the whole dining room table, with sparklers and shit to represent the magic wands. And I was all on top of planning for that shit. Had the sleigh ride reservations set up, cakes ordered, all that jazz.

"But the night before, I had. A little too much to drink." Roxanne glances at your skeptical expression and winces. "Ok, a lot too much. I got completely shitfaced, actually. Don't even remember most of that night. But when I woke up I was surrounded by broken unicorn figurines for some goddamn reason and the sun was already setting. I'd slept through her whole damn birthday."

You refrain from commenting on the rather obvious symbolic potential of the shattered unicorns.

"'Course I got up and went looking for her, once my head stopped pounding so much," Roxanne continues. "I guess I wanted to — I dunno, apologize? Try to take her on the stupid sleigh ride anyway even though it was already nighttime? But I couldn't find her anywhere.

"What I did find was two cakes in the kitchen. Not the ones I'd ordered, I'd forgotten to pick 'em up from the bakery. Rose must have made these herself. One said 'Happy Birthday Rose' in the most perfect purple calligraphy, with ten unburnt candles in it and one single slice taken out of the corner. And the second one had 'Happy Pushing a Baby Out of Your Vagina Day' written on it in pink frosting, with two tablets of Advil and an Alcoholics Anonymous pamphlet next to it."

That… certainly sounds like the sort of thing you would have done, had you been faced with a situation like this at the tender age of ten.

"You'd think that would've been a wakeup call, but nah," Roxanne says. "Actually — god. I was mad at her? I was mad that she made me feel so bad about it when I felt like I'd tried so hard for her and just slipped up a little. How fucked up is that?"

"Pretty fucked up," you concur. Roxanne laugh-sobs.

You won't lie: Roxanne's story makes you sick with a sort of furious envy. She treated her daughter like this, and yet was still granted the privilege of holding her, hearing her voice, watching her grow from a baby to a girl to an astounding young woman. She had her daughter, had thirteen years with her, and she threw those precious years away into the bottomless void of the bottle, even as you would have given anything, anything, for the chance to embrace your own daughter for even a single minute. The injustice of it tears at you.

You want to believe you would never have disappointed Roxy this way, if you'd ever been in a position to disappoint her in any way other than the one way that matters most.

But life is never that neat, is it? You consider your awkwardness when it comes to expressing genuine emotion, your tendency towards passive-aggression. You recall your own struggle with alcohol. You think about how you get so absorbed in your work that even the slightest interruption festers in your mind into a seething resentment.

You'll never know what kind of mother you would have been, if you'd ever been permitted the honor of taking the role on. But it's a near certainty that you wouldn't have been perfect either.

"So," you say, "I assume that this story you've shared, while perhaps notably more dramatic than other occasions, wasn't an isolated incident but rather part of a pattern of behavior that characterized most or all of your daughter's childhood."

Roxanne nods miserably.

"Right," you say, folding your arms. "I won't sugarcoat this: you'll never get those years back. You'll never be able to redo your daughter's tenth birthday party. You'll never find out what bizarre trinkets she'd have picked out at the shops that day. You'll never know what your relationship could have been if you'd been the sort of mother she needed you to be.

"And more importantly, Rose won't get those years back either. She'll always carry the marks of the way you raised her on her soul."

Roxanne sniffs loudly and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand, smearing her mascara. "Fuuuuck. I know you're right, but damn it hurts to hear."

"I'm not trying to hurt you." Are you? You're not even sure, and you're forced to count that as another black mark against the already highly suspect "Rose Lalonde would have been a perfect mother" hypothesis. You sigh and continue. "I'm trying to say… you can't take back what's already happened. But you still have a chance at a future. Rose clearly still wants to build a relationship with you."

"How do you know?" she asks. "What if she's just… bein' polite, and really she doesn't want anything to do with me?"

Your lips quirk up. "Trust me on this. She and I, we're not that polite. If she didn't want you in her life, she would never have invited you back into it in the first place. Besides, it's so obvious in the way she looks at you. She loves you. She wants to get to know you better." You can sympathize. Roxanne Lalonde is proving to be a fascinating, albeit perhaps slightly infuriating, woman. Though one hopes that the other Rose's feelings on the matter are rather more filial than yours are.

"Ok, but… how? Rosie's 16 now, she's a freakin' god, she's been taking care of herself without me for years. What does she even need from me anymore?"

"I — " you say, then pause.

Your instinct is to bluff, to spin up some vaguely-reassuring-sounding psychobabble. But… perhaps this situation calls for some reciprocal emotional vulnerability, as much as you're loath to ever allow that to anyone. You take a deep breath and steel yourself for the exercise of sincerity.

"I admit," you say finally, "I'm rather at a loss there myself. Perhaps it hasn't been obvious given my psychoanalytic bravado, but I'm hardly an expert in navigating the nuances of motherhood either. To be honest, I've been struggling to figure out how to relate to Roxy, too."

"Whaaat?" Roxanne gasps. "No way! You seem like you got it all together. Roxy loves you, what do you got to be worried about?"

"Well. For example. You may notice that my beloved daughter invited me to a party, and yet instead of spending time with her, I've absconded into a Striderian hell-closet with her sister-mom's mom-sister."

"Oh!" Roxanne says with a surprised laugh. "Nah, you're doin' great there, actually. Roxy's not gonna want her mom hovering over her the whole time anyway. No offense! But having parental units hanging around all the time kinda puts a damper on getting your flirt on, you know?"

The thought of your daughter "getting her flirt on" with anyone sets your insides twisting with an anxiety that you have no idea what to do with, even though it's obvious in retrospect that she must have long since started to experiment romantically and perhaps even sexually. Hell, you're the one who carefully composed a "Talk" for her and left it hand-bound and labeled to be read at a developmentally appropriate age. But the thought that she might be putting that knowledge into practice with who-knows-who —

Your alarm must show on your face, because Roxanne laughs and claps a hand on your shoulder. "Ok, I got an idea. Let's make a pact. We'll figure this mom shit out together, ok? And I can be your shoulder to cry on too, if you ever need it. Don't want you thinking it's just me who's gonna be mooching off your words of wisdom all the time. Sound good?"

You huff out a laugh and look into Roxanne's face, tear-streaked but with her lips pulled into a captivatingly hopeful grin. You place your own hand over hers and smile softly back. "It's a deal."

#Derseweek2022 #does this ship even have a tag...#roseroxy #roxyrose #my fic #we have had more than enough strider manpain on this blog. it's time we got some lalonde womanpain going up in here

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thetpot · 3 years ago

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2021 year-end fic in review

thanks for the tag, @avatraang!

How many stories did you complete?

i finished 10 whole stories this year, holy bananas! granted, one of them was a collection of 100 word drabbles that i just gave up on halfway through, but the rest are ACTUAL STORIES 😳

What is your total word count for the year?

76,459 words on ao3 as of right now. but i have a 10,000 word chapter going up in the next week or two so it'll be closer to 86,000 before year's end.

What fandoms did you write in this year?

atla, all day, every day babeeey.

Did you write more, less, or roughly about what you expected?

omg, way more. a year ago, i just posted paper flowers for the hell of it. i couldn't have imagined how rewarding the process of writing it would be, and how many wonderful people i'd find in this fandom because of it.

What’s your own favorite story of this year?

oh man, it's honestly so hard to choose. i'm so immensely proud of every fic in my pocketful of stones series, but i think my favorite is still history etched out. like i go back and read it sometimes, and am like, damn, i can't believe i wrote this.

What is your most under appreciated story of the year?

stats-wise, it's sorrow—and wonder which is not surprising, but SPIRITUALLY, it's mountains of tenderness. imo, it's the second best fic in my oneshot series, but it didn't really land as heavy with readers. that's mostly because, for my zukaang readers, there's not really any zukaang in it since it's decidely a maiko fic. and for maiko readers, there's like 3 fics worth of zukaang content to read to capture the actual context for that fic. so i'm not salty about it, it makes sense overall.

What’s your most appreciated story of 2021?

dude, i went and checked my stats and i am still laughing about pocketful of stones having more kudos than after the flame, a pause. isn't it literally an inversion of ao3 logic for oneshots to have more kudos than multichapters?! but yes, people really liked pocketful of stones this year, and i loved it too! it was a very experimental fic for me at the time i wrote it, and it was mostly just a trust exercise with myself. but continuing the series has really forced me to extend myself as a writer and it's been an absolute joy.

Biggest fanfic related disappointment of 2021?

how few zukaang fics there are in this fandom! i should have stopped being surprised about this ages ago, but i've said it before and i'll say it again, the fact that zukaang isn't the most popular mlm ship in this fandom is eternally perplexing to me.

Biggest fanfic related surprise of 2021?

honestly, the fact that my oneshot series has occupied me since may 2021. i only ever wrote pocketful of stones as a oneshot, but the idea of exploring its consequences would not leave me alone. and five fics later, it's coming to an end this month woo hoo!

Something you are looking forward to working on in 2022?

writing a taang fic for @all-inmoderation, my beloved 🥺

tagging: @god-of-dust, @shifuaang, @the-cloud-whisperer

#zukaang #atla #my fanfic

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mariannesketchnotes · 4 years ago

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Fanfic Rec List (mostly Timeless)

Since starting this blog, I created 24 fanfic sketchnotes & I can now create a mosaic that covers nearly a square meter. So, in celebration of all these amazing stories I got to recommend, join me in this (massive) compilation post with links to all the stories & the sketchnotes (for more detail on my recommendations). I categorized the stories and I wish to celebrate all you amazing writers & artists today! Thank you for sharing your stories & art.

I hope you forgive the massive amount of namedropping I am about to do. (Also: I love reading the responses when people see my sketchnotes - so feel free to respond, sent me a note or engage in conversations :-) ). I’m also always on the lookout for more stories to read: I particularly like found family, recovery, mission fic, general or rare pair stories & maturity in characters & conversations. I like adults leaving teen drama behind and dealing with things like the adults they are. Angst is a favorite too, and I enjoy the multiverse of AUs. (Honestly: I’m a pretty eclectic reader).

Timeless

The show that pulled me back into fandom & fanfic & to all you wonderful people. The full list is under a read-more, cause this post got LONG.

Historical / Mission

The Only Way Out by @sallyexactly

Author’s summary: Chinatown leaves the team shattered and grieving, but their only option is to stumble forward. To save the world, they'll need strength of character they didn't know they had, to defeat depths of evil like they've never seen. Meanwhile, they need to find a way to decide their own future, not give up hope... and save the fighting for the actual bad guys. It's honestly a toss-up which of those will be hardest.

This story is my headcanon of how the series ended. It is long (300000+ words) but well-worth it. It's got history, slow and mature development and an intelligent resolution. I reread it frequently and although I have wanted to capture my response in a (series of) sketchnote, I never managed it to my satisfaction. The story is beautiful and feels cathartic (and well-worth rereading over and over).

The Road Ode by @sallyexactly - my sketchnote

Post-canon. Roadtrip with our favourite historian & lots of historical markers on the way. 107937 words.

The Gutter and the Stars by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels - my sketchnote

Oscar Wilde. Short (1397 words) & funny.

No End, No Beginning by MandyCandy - my sketchnote

Ambitious plan & canon divergent. Tecumseh. With a full bibliography. 65068 words.

Parallel Lines by @x-voyevoda - my sketchnote

Multiverse. Post-canon. Rated mature. Work-in-Progress. 71911 words.

Zajednički by @insane-sociopath - my sketchnote

Retelling of season 2. PTSD. More missions included. Incomplete. 129474 words.

Evocative / Poetic / Philosophical / Makes Me Think

Burn the Witch by barefootwithneonhands - my sketchnote

Evocative. Poetic & fascinating to no end. 19534 words.

Two Roads by @oldshrewsburyian - my sketchnote

How do you live your life while waiting for a future you once so tantalisingly glimpsed but barely dared hope for? Denise Christopher pondering her choices. 835 words.

The Nuclear Option by RedGold (@timelesshonesttrailer) - my sketchnote

“Sometimes… sometimes change happens because a thousand voices cry out and make themselves heard, many moving parts of some Rube-Goldberg Machine. But… from time to time… it just takes one person, making one decision, and that changes the fate of the world.” Jessica-centric. 6036 words

A Shot of Remembrance by @doctorliamsr - my sketchnote

Garcia & Karl. Season 1. 1093 words.

Scorched Earth by @sallyexactly - my sketchnote

Garcia & Lucy. Evocative language. 2695 words.

Ballet-Feerie by @oldshrewsburyian & @qqueenofhades - my sketchnote

Ballet AU. Dance as language. Authors’ summary: “Garcia Flynn teaches ballet to a class including Amy Preston. Lucy Preston has been her younger sister's guardian since they were orphaned. Hesitant conversations and fraught silences ensue. Also, there's Tchaikovsky.” 16799 words.

Alternate Universe

Finding Light in Darkness - by Ultra - my sketchnote

19-century Governess AU. 40199 words. Found Family. Wholesome story.

Incandescent & Adolescent (Wonders Never Cease) by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels - my sketchnote

She Loves Me AU. 1930s setting. Lots of letter writing. 18438 words.

Ballet-Feerie by @oldshrewsburyian & @qqueenofhades - my sketchnote

Ballet AU. See above. 16799 words

Blood Sins - A #FlynnFriday Imagines Series (E-rated) by @doctorliamsr, @timelesshonesttrailer & @ununpredictableme - my sketchnote

Vampire AU. Ongoing story that fascinates me to no end. Reading any snippit I can get my hands on. Garcia/Lorena/Lucy & Jiya/Rufus relationships. The E-rated parts are clearly marked and can be skipped if it’s not your cup of tea. Currently at 47403 words.

The Assassin’s Holiday by @secretnerdprincess - my sketchnote

Murdervision. Assassin AU. Got me giggling all the way through. 12224 words. Rated mature.

Amehrana by Redgold (@timelesshonesttrailer) - my sketchnote

Food Truck AU. Found family. Wholesome. Mature people. Lorena is awesome. 32589 words.

Lorena Lives

Rise Like a Reckoning by @amandamonroe - my sketchnote

Author’s summary: ‘"Lorena Flynn Has a Chance" Ex-CIA agent Lorena Flynn is back. She's got her daughter, her husband, and the woman who saved their lives years ago. She's taking command of the bunker and taking Rittenhouse down.’ Lorena/Garcia/Lucy hinted at towards the end. 6483 words.

Blood Sins - A #FlynnFriday Imagines Series (E-rated) by @doctorliamsr, @timelesshonesttrailer & @ununpredictableme - my sketchnote

See above. Also: Iris lives!

Amehrana by Redgold (@timelesshonesttrailer) - my sketchnote

See above. Yes, I’m recommending this twice. :-)

Due to the nature of the show, there are not many stories in which Lorena lives. I particularly like the Lorena focused stories that RedGold, @sallyexactly, @omnicat & @amandamonroe write. Lorena & Iris deserved better and these stories bring depth, humanity and grace to Lorena & her choices. I reread them frequently and recommend you do the same. These authors are amazing.

Recovery & Healing

To Find a Home by @misscrazyfangirl321 - my sketchnote

Rufus & Jiya & Garcia friendship. Extending grace. 4529 words.

A Butterfly Garden by @vita-s-west - my sketchnote

Post-Rittenhouse defeat. Slow recovery. Especially wholesome to read in these pandemic times. There’s now a sequel too! 3323 words.

Nisam Sam by @thealocksly - my sketchnote

Lucy’s processing her time in Rittenhouse & Garcia holds space for her. Soft & dark & visceral. 1225 words.

Q&A by @somekindofflowergirl - my sketchnote

Author’s summary: “Lucy and Flynn develop a routine during their nighttime chats. She's allowed one loaded question and he's allowed one loaded apology.” 22176 words

The Road Ode by @sallyexactly - my sketchnote

See above. This roadtrip fic inspired my own roadtrip where we found ourselves in Friedrichshafen, Germany and the Zeppelin museum there were there was a whole exposition on the Hindenburg. Felt very serendipidous.

Honorable mentions (especially in these pandemic times):

Disease Protocols for Time Travellers by hjea (594 words)

Also, I’d like to give a shoutout to @battleshipgarcy for their fan archive sites & meta posts with screenshots of the journal & all the meta content. I love seeing all those small details highlighted! (Plus: their Maria Thompkins in their story The Road Less Traveled intrigues me to no end!)

Other Fandoms

Hunger Games - A Standing Engagement (E-rated) by @bettsfic - my sketchnote.

Annie & Finnick AU within Hunger Games world. 56760 words. The Food Wars are so very appropriate in the Hunger Games world. It’s fascinating how well betts incorporates exisiting Hunger Games context into this story: this feels like it could have happened.

Temeraire - The Diplomat’s Dragon by indecisive_lotus - my sketchnote

Ongoing story. Post-canon. I love Churki & Hammond together & how Hammond especially gets out-manouvered. 20730 words.

White Collar - In Your Wildest Dreams by sahiya - my sketchnote

Post-canon. Sara Ellis focused. Author’s summary ”This was what grief did to you, Sara knew. It played tricks on your mind. But if it wasn’t Neal, then who could it be? Who else would send her an anonymous packet detailing all the ways someone could knock over the Louvre?” 14289 words.

White Collar - I’ve been bingereading the stories by Sholio. Especially the stories focused on Diana Barrigan. They are a delight. Breakout is especially bad-ass Diana (in heels nonetheless!)

I started this blog to show my appreciation of those wonderful fanfic stories that have entertained me endlessly and engage with these amazing artists (and other people in fandom who share my enthusiasm!) This recommendation list is obviously incomplete and I welcome additions & conversations!

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dylawa · 4 years ago

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So @allmightluver made this FANTASTIC analysis into All Might’s character [Here] and how the current Manga arc (chapters ~300-305) really shows how he’s going through it, and, if you have the time to read it, I by all means am begging you to go read and reblog that post instead. But, for my own small-brained sake, I asked for their permission to create an abbreviated version of their post (which is still “long,” but it’s not a whole fanfic’s length long. It’s brilliant as it is! I am just weak).

This literally is just a rephrased edition of a much larger, more in-depth piece; it’s the equivalent of reading a book’s synopsis over the book itself, so GO. READ IT.

But, to those that are still here, this is a Thing about All Might. Again, all of this is just rephrased from @allmightluver‘s [original post]; I kept most of the original context; maybe I’ll do a follow-up reblog with my own thoughts.

From as early as Toshinori’s childhood, to as late as his young teenage years, literally all he ever wanted was to be a hero people could see and know, “Everything is going to turn out okay, no matter how bad the situation is.” Many other heroes of the time, and even into current day BNHA, generally had other reasons for pursuing the line of work, but not him. There was no yearning for fame, lust for money, or a power trip, or anything like that. The only thing he wanted out of being a hero, was to get people to smile. To feel safe.

It’s not common for a 14 year old to come to this conclusion, so it’s pretty safe to assume Toshinori didn’t have the best childhood, whether that’s in his own personal life, or he really just had no filter between his home life, and the world of heroes and villains. Being Quirkless probably played a huge factor in all of that.

But then, what about Izuku? He was Quirkless, right? Here’s the thing: He had All Might to look up to. Toshinori? Nobody. Yes, Izuku had some of the same roadblocks, but All Might inspired him to keep going. There isn’t much to imply that Toshinori had a similar relationship to Nana when they first crossed paths, and hero culture was less of a fashion show than it is currently.

Nana was only able to mentor Toshinori for a few short years before she was brutally murdered, right in front of him, and after that, all he had was Gran Torino, who wasn’t exactly benevolent teacher material-- vicious enough that, even as an older man, Toshinori had severe reservations about speaking with him again; but back then, he was one of the only people that knew the pain he went through in losing Nana, not to mention knowledge of One for All itself. And even then, Torino instructed him to leave the country, once again leaving Toshinori all alone to figure out things for himself until he could confidently return to Japan.

And when he did come back, he had his work cut out for him; there was a lot of work to be done to get society as “surface-level gleaming” as it was under All Might’s thumb, and we see some of that in Vigilantes; staying up for days on end to save people, stop villains, and repair structural damage. He even falls asleep mid-jump at one point, because that’s all the time for rest he can squeeze in. But, by this point, the power of One For All has lead the public, and even other heroes to believe, that All Might has it under control; he doesn’t need help, or at least, nothing more than what they’re already giving. And sure, Endeavor did his part, but that was for him; he just wanted to surpass All Might, not help him.

Now, after his gruesome injury, Toshinori no longer has that ability to save people like he used to. He spent years doing nothing but serving the world, fighting an unseen force that nearly tore him in half, to the point that that evil force should have died, and, even after all of that, thinking he had won, that it was over, Nighteye still promised his untimely demise, before abandoning him for continuing to push himself as his organs threatened to fall out of his body. But, even if AFO was “gone,” there was still a whole other world of villains to deal with; the worst threat was gone, but that didn’t mean the world was safe.

And the only person who could maintain that peace, was All Might. Now, he was under pressure of a ticking clock. So, he kept going.

Which, of course, turned him into what we saw in the beginning of the manga/anime. He has a whole slew of physical issues that are only exacerbated by his lack of self care in favor of pushing himself as hard as he can to keep up his hero work, and because of that, he’s completely ruined his health outside of the All Might persona. The man is practically rotting from the inside out, and, though at first no one knows it’s All Might, people on the street look at this ghastly figure, and they know it. And he knows they know it. Could you imagine the stress he swallows down, knowing, one day, they will find out the truth?

And, let’s not forget how, once Nighteye left, Toshinori was left alone with his paperwork. Eventually, Tsukauchi took over, but that was only because Toshinori let it slip in a moment of deep stress just who he was. But, in the timespan between, it was all up to Toshinori to handle those things, on top of his hero work, and the bare-minimum of whatever he was doing to keep himself alive.

This part, I’m just quoting from @allmightluver‘s post verbatim:

“People blame him for not preparing society for his retirement, that he failed in passing on the torch so to speak, but in reality he did everything possible to keep society from falling for 40 years, doing all within his power just to keep things afloat. He is only one person. One human being, he can’t do everything despite trying to. Society failed All Might.”

Some people in fandom say he sucks as a teacher, but first of all, do you remember who he had as a teacher? I’d say he’s leaps and bounds above Torino. Not to mention, he’s never been a teacher before, and he never planned to pass on OFA again. And just because someone’s a bad teacher (which, he could be worse), doesn’t mean they’re not smart: he’s got a 6/6 intelligence score. Which definitely doesn’t help when Izuku does something to hurt himself with his Quirk that he gave to him. He could very well think it’s his own fault.

And we haven’t even touched up on Dave yet! This man literally staged a hostage situation so he could get his hands on banned technology to try to extend All Might’s time, and hurt so many people in the process. There’s another friend gone.

And then, All For One comes back. A man Toshinori swore he killed. And then he has to fight him in front of the world, having his weakness exposed, and then being told this villain is grooming Nana’s grandson-- someone Toshinori failed to save, didn’t even know needed saving, because he didn’t know the kid existed. And he doesn’t get time to process that; he has to pretend he’s fine, even while he’s shown in this failing human form to the world, to stop AFO once more at great personal cost.

And then, OFA leaves him.

And then he has to deal the the ordeal of being human while Bakugo blames himself for it, while Nighteye dies and confesses he’s happy after all these years to see him on his last words, while watching Endeavor struggle with one Nomu on live television, while watching Bakugo almost take over the burden of carrying OFA, and, despite all of these horrible things occurring... he still confesses to his acquaintance, Aizawa, that he’s “decided to live.” Like it’s another burden to take on. How can this man not be horribly suffering deep down inside? We don’t see the extent of it, because he trained for so long to keep it buried deep down, and it’s harder as Toshinori than it was as All Might, but he’s still got severe trauma and chronic physical conditions that will last the rest of his life. And, yes, people made him promise to live, but only he “decided” he would do so.

And then, he does research into the OFA holders, and finds a gruesome secret. He could have sealed Izuku’s fate to an early grave, not just because of the nature of hero work, but because OFA users have what seems to be a natural predisposition to die early (due to those who previously had quirks being given OFA having their lifespan shortened because of it; Toshinori doesn’t know the full truth yet).

And pretty much right after he finds out that information, the world implodes on itself. Villains win a critical fight, and run amok. People are dying. Heroes are quitting. They blame him. The heroes that do remain can barely handle the load. Some even die. AFO escapes prison, Izuku is in critical condition-- everything he worked for for forty years, disintegrates overnight. Everything he did to himself in pursuit of a peaceful society meant nothing. And, he can feel his vestige within One For All, which isn’t a good sign.

Time is running out.

And he may not even die happy.

“People don’t credit All Might enough for everything he’s done. Most don’t realize the sacrifices he’s made. His character is so unbelievably profound and deep, it’s more than just the “I am here!” people focus on. He’s a deeply troubled, layered, complex character. And I can’t find fault within him.”

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #all might #toshinori yagi

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a-monsters-love · 4 years ago

Text

The Air Between Us: Part 1

[Prologue] [Part 1] [Blurb 1] [Part 2] [Blurb 2] [Epilogue]

Zuko x A!Reader:

Genre: fluff

Warnings: mild swearing

Word count: 7742

Time line: Takes place when the Gaang goes to the Fire Lords beach house with Zuko on Ember Island. I changed it from them going to see the play about themselves and go to a circus instead; I extended the time they were on the island to fit everything.

A/N: If your reading this I hope it lives up to any expectations, the prologue got so much more love than I thought it would. This is my first fan fic, the reader was originally written as my DnD OC so I apologize if she’s written wonky. I hope I wrote Zuko’s character well, I was worried I wrote him too OOC but I’ve read so much Zuko x Reader fanfics that I felt like it wasn’t that bad lmao. I am my own proof reader so please message me if I messed something up. Also I don’t know how to write Sokka or Suki’s character, I’ve never met anyone like Sokka and Suki has so little dialogue in the show that I feel like she’s just happy to be there.

(Y/N) = Your name (S/C) = Skin color (H/C) = Hair color (E/C) = Eye color

————

“SSHHUUUUUUU.” A loud, terrifying, growl hissed through the Fire Lords vacation home. Echoing into an almost animalistic growl.

“Ah.” Shu looks over to Katara, ”Sounds like (Y/N) is awake.” Probably also waking up everything else in the greater vicinity. Based on the ferocity in your voice they decide it’s probably best to rush over to the room you’re now resting in.

You’re alone, in a hastily cleaned dust covered room. You don’t know where you are. You aren’t aware of how you got here or what day it is. You’re sticky, you reek of herbs, and everything HURTS. These are facts you listed as you woke up. You hear the softest knocking on the door, “If you are not my brother or with him I will rip you to shreds.” You snarl at the door, it’s been a long time since you’ve been this mad, you can hear the hand that was on the door knob let go and take a step back, not going much further than that. Exhaustion starts taking over but you were determined to stay awake until you received your answers. You hear large familiar foot steps run over to the room you’ve been placed in. When the door finally opens you see your twin brother, Shu with Katara, and a very nervous looking Zuko up against the wall behind them. You determined he was the one you threatened. Your (E/C) eyes flick from the nervous fire bender to your brother, “You’re late and I have questions, little brother.” You hissed menacingly.

——

It’s been less than 24 hours since you passed out. In that time, you’ve managed to win over the Gaang and somehow sort out the choices your brother made for the both of you. Neither of which you disagreed with however you barely remember anything that happened after the end of the fight at the circus. You blacked out, this wasn’t a first, but it was a first from blood loss. Katara has been working on healing your wounds every 4-6 hours, letting the salve do its job before cleaning you as best she could through the fear that you might not have made it otherwise. She looks exhausted.

The night prior, when Zuko escorted you to the evacuation area, the Gaang had received the full disclosure on your wounds, your history, and your goals. During your first healing session you were face-in-lap of the Fire Prince, as he received endless teasing. Katara, all though giving him the ‘all knowing’ look the entire time, was the only person to have his back. You lost so much blood you needed to stay as warm as possible until your body regulated, and what’s a better hot water bottle than a fire bender?

——

“Hey Sifu Hot Water Bottle!” Toph hollered down the hall, Zuko groaned. Knowing he will never be able to live this down, but was it worth having you nuzzle into his lap like a sick turtle duck? Absolutely.

“What, Toph.” He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms at the tiny earth bender.

“Shu and Katara are getting herbs so you should keep your princess company~” Toph grinned from ear to ear, knowing his reaction, even if she couldn’t feel it through the hardwood flooring.

Zuko’s cheeks flushed brightly at the comment, letting out a forced ‘groan’ in an attempt to get the better of the girl. He, however, quite liked the idea and rolled around options in his head to see if he could do anything for you without needing healer expertise. He decides to prepare tea. He remembered a recipe for a pain killer tea that his uncle had made for him, it tastes like crap but he knew it could help.

Walking up to your door, no problem, walking in? That’s another story. You were passed out, why is he suddenly so nervous? Then he heard it, well he heard you. He’s never heard such a terrifying savage sound escape someone, let alone a person of your stature. He lightly knocked on the door as not to surprise you but received a threat regardless, this was new. “WHAT DID YOU DO??” Toph whisper yells from down the hall, Zuko not wanting to give up his spot, while not disturbing you he throws his hands in front of his chest indicating ‘I don’t fucking know’ quickly remembering she’s blind.

As if saved by the bell, Shu and Katara rushed up the hall to your room, “I didn’t wake her, I got here after the roar.” Zuko whispers before they open the door. He sees your bandaged body and has the desire to help but decides it’s best to stay out of the way. His gold eyes meet your own (E/C) eyes, causing him to remember the night prior, a blush dusts his face and he looks down.

Shu and Katara enter the room, leaving Zuko in the hall. “In or out, princeling.” You state dryly. He decides to walk in and sit against the wall, opposite to your brother and the water tribe girl. Setting down the tea pot he prepared. You can feel warmth radiating from him, Fire bending perks, you noted. “Someone help me into an upright position…please.” Your tone changes, almost begging for help. You’re tired and in pain and in need of answers. Zuko and Shu both gently help you lift yourself from laying on your chest to sitting upright. Zuko grateful for the bandages looks into his hands after letting go of you. Katara hands you a cup of tea. You look between the healer and Shu, “So… I barely remember anything after the battle at the circus, please fill me in..” You take a sip of tea without even flinching at the taste, to Zuko’s surprise.

“What?? What’s the last thing you remember?” Katara seems mind blown by the idea and Zuko looks as if he’s the one who lost too much blood.

You sip your tea slowly and tilting your head back and fourth trying to stitch together the memories. “Well, we trapped all the Fire Nation soldiers, Shu and I high-fived and that’s when things started getting hazy,” You stopped and tried to pull pieces to your mind, “I had said.. something to you guys and then my legs went weak and Zuko caught me.” You pointed at him, your ears turned red at the thought. “After that, nothing. Last time I blacked out that bad was in Omashu, like 2 years ago, and that was a party.” You ramble on, still a bit delirious from blood loss and medication.

Katara watches you, thinking over your condition. “Well, you did lose a lot of blood, if we knew sooner then maybe we could’ve done something.” She shakes her head and looks between the two boys before explaining the context of the night prior. She then comments that neither you or Shu gave goodbyes to anyone before you left, which she found weird.

You and Shu exchange looks, and erupt in laughter. To the shock of both Katara and Zuko, who found himself confused but smiling seeing you laugh. You groaned and held you sides, laughing hurt. “We’re circus kids, don’t worry about ‘goodbyes’ we have our means. Since we left them that means Auntie and Uncle are probably retiring.” You move your attention to your brother, “Did Uncle give you anything?” You finished your tea putting the cup down for a refill. You let a small shiver consume you.

“He gave me a box and told me to open it when your up and-or well,” He rolls his eyes. “Whatever that means.” He leans over and refills your glass.

“We’ll need that in the up coming war, so don’t lose it,” You seem back to you matter-a-fact like self. Looking back to Katara, “What’s the status on my wounds?” You ask, picking up your cup for another sip.

She sighs, “It should only take a couple more sessions for it to not hurt so bad and to get you up again” She looks at the ground almost in an ashamed way, she glances at Zuko briefly while choosing her words. “I wasn’t able to prevent the scarring, you will forever have a large scar that stretches from the middle of your back up your neck and down your shoulders to both your hands.”

The room is quiet from Katara statement, you can feel the tension from her words. Noting the look she sent the scarred prince but keeping a calm face you nod, “Well, that’ll look badass.” Taking another sip of tea, “I wonder if it’ll be a problem with Aangs training, Air Bending masters get tattoos, right?” You start thinking aloud. You shrug at the thought, “Well, either way, when can we get to the next healing session? Because I’m cold and everything hurts and I’m hungry, this tea is helping but I can’t eat in this condition.”

Katara smiles brightly at your quick resolve and ushers the boys out to start the healing session. Zuko was replaying how quickly you came to a resolve about your scar in his head not noticing Katara trying to get his attention. “Hey.” You snap your fingers close to his face, causing a small breeze. “Are you gonna watch or are you gonna leave? I have to strip for this.” Zuko’s face was immediately red at the thought of what you just said and stumble-ran out of your room. And so, your first session while awake starts. Followed by every curse word and obscenity you can imagine escaping your mouth. This isn’t healing, this is assault!

Due to the depth of the wounds and the concern of Katara, you had multiple ‘healing sessions’ throughout that day. The day following you were up and running again, for the most part. You found yourself mostly watching Zuko and Aang train, much to Zuko’s dismay but he took note of the a light blush that dusted your face and he redness of your ears when he took his shirt off. He started taking it off earlier in his matches with Aang to see if he can get a reading out of you. Your angelic poker face is not something he could win against. That small smile is constantly plastered on your face.(*1)

However much you enjoyed seeing him with his shirt off, you enjoyed studying their sparring session more than anything. Both Zuko and Aang had multiple different influences in their bending, there are time Zuko’s moves look like that of a water bender. You have never seen anything like it, however you’ve only ever practiced with Shu, an earth bender, so you weren’t one to talk. You asked Aang the occasional question about air bending basics. Things to practice so you can find the middle ground you needed to have control of your bending better. You sit on the patio while they trained practicing your control, letting Aang correct you when needed.

——

“What about bending? When can I start fully practicing that?” You ask Katara while making a fresh pot of jasmine tea, it’s one of your many favorites.

Katara hums at the question, “You should be okay for now. BUT!” She looks you in they eyes. “No heavy lifting, and no going past your limits. If you start feeling sore or exhausted you must take a break.” You almost spat at the statement but stifled your laughter, you’re an air bender. Is air heavy? You jokingly thought, knowing how hilarious that sounds.

“Awesome,” You cough to hide your ongoing laughter. “Can you help me then? I want to change to practice.”

Katara agreed and followed you to your room. She had tied your (H/C) hair back, neater than you’ve ever tied it. You’re still in full bandage but you have a halter top exposing your bandaged midriff, and your most comfortable short harem pants, you liked the way they hugged your hips and sat comfortably at your knees. You walk out barefoot to the training grounds to Toph, who almost hit you with a boulder. “Hey, lightfoot! At least make sure you have a presence for me, you could’ve been back in bed!” She scowled in your general direction, “Katara would’ve blamed me!” She huffed.

You make sure both feet are flat to the ground and walk to the girl, “Could you help me with something?” At Aangs references and Sokka’s bad memories you try to describe the Airball court and the type of game that was played in it. “If we make one out of stone you can ‘watch’ me and Aang play and it’ll give me good practice to handle my air bending without creating an actual tornado or by using my fans.” Toph rolled the idea around in her head, “If we get a fire proof ball we can get Zuko in on the game?” You further suggest.

Almost like a light bulb goes off in Toph’s head she lights up, “(Y/N)! You’re a genius!” She runs off to look for the ideal location.

You go find Aang, catching him before he starts his sparing session, “Hey, Aang!”

Aang sees you calling and perks up, “Hey (Y/N), what up?” The young nomad asks, meeting you halfway.

“Okay, so,” You clap your hands together holding them in front of your chin. “Can Airball be played with 3 goals or does it have to be 2?” Your (E/C) eyes are almost glowing at the question throwing the boy for a loop, you’re finally acting more like yourself again.

“Well, since Air Nomads are traditionally pacifists I’d say only 2 goals to avoid having 2 teams ganging up on 1 team.” He smiles remember the times he played back in the Southern Air Temple, then his brow knit. “Why do you ask?” (*2)

You smile putting your hand on his small shoulders, “I’m having Toph use her bending to build an Airball court so I can practice my bending and I thought it could give you and Zuko a different type of field to spar on.” That last part you made up on the spot but it is a valid option. Aangs face lights up, “Do you want to grab Zuko and show me the ropes?”

You both grab Zuko, and a random empty metal box from the vacation house. He begrudgingly follows, being pulled hand in hand by two Air Benders, what has my life come to? He thought to himself while not shaking off either hand so he can keep holding yours. Aang explains the game rules and how it’s played on the way.

You follow the noises of the court being built by Toph and you hear her call, “(Y/N)! What were you thinking to use for the ball??” You can see she had stone and river rock options behind her however you didn’t want to risk the damage to you or Zuko. (*3)

“How ‘bout this?” You hand her the metal box, “If you metal bent it to the shape of a ball we can leave it hollow so it’ll be easier to move for me as an ‘inexperienced’ air bender and for Zuko who will have to use his flames to actually propel it.”

You can see Toph physically frown, “Hey, I’m not an earth bender, and as much as I wouldn’t mind taking responsibility if he got hurt, throwing boulders at him is not in my job description.” You both laugh and Toph agrees. You suggest Aang and Zuko use the court first for training then you can get to the game.

Toph has lifted a platform to the height of the court, “You’re pretty good at staying balanced on moving boulders.” She comments.

“Yeah, well, having a giant but strong Earth Bender for a twin your whole life does wonders for your balance.” You joke, pushing your elbow into Toph who is trying to stifle a smile at the mention of Shu.

While watching the boys jump around so gracefully reminds you a lot of the circus. You feel a bit sad at the thought and Toph picks up on it. “What’s wrong, lightfoot?”

You don’t hate the new nickname as much as the others seem to hate theirs, you lean back a bit on the platform holding your knees to keep your balance. “I was trained in all sorts of circus and show performances, piano, guitar, gymnastics, acrobatics, juggling, tight rope walking, and contortionism-“

Toph would have spat out her drink if she had one, “YOU’RE A CONTORTIONIST?” She gaps at you causing Zuko to blush, losing his balance and Aang to give him a big stupid grin.

“Ah-well-“ You stammer, blushing hard because no one outside of the circus ever seemed to be interested in the things you trained in. “Ye-yeah I was trained in all sorts of things-“ You look down at your knees to avoid making eye contact with the boys and not wanting to look at Toph, regardless of her being blind. “Watching them dance around reminds me of home.” You chuckle sadly.

Toph talks your head off with all sorts of questions about the circus and what you can do, once your embarrassment subsides you find yourself passionately talking about it. Before you realize it, the boys are done sparring and Aang asks if you’re ready.

You nod and hop to the court, trading places with Zuko. You accidentally bump your shoulder with his arm causing him to grab your hand in case you slipped, sending a hot sensation up your arm from where he held you. You smile softly and embarrassed “Sorry.” You rub the the back of your neck and squeeze his hand.

He lets go quickly. “Ah, yeah.” He stammers, “It’s fine, (Y/N).” Shooting a subtly smile back. You blush loudly, realizing this is the first time he’s said your name to you. You scurry to get to the center of the court.

“S-sorry if this isn’t as great as the courts you had at home. My instructions were vague.” You tell Aang, he shakes his head with a smile, he doesn’t care he’s just excited to play. You practice spinning the make shift ball in a web of air. Before throwing the ball at Aangs hoop.

——

The game starts between (Y/N) and Aang, and Zuko can’t take his eyes off of you. You don’t look like someone who can’t control their bending. Just watching you spin, flip and dance around from post to post is like a choreographed show. Even when you throw or kick the ‘ball’ consumed by air. “So, when are you gonna ask her out, Sifu hot water bottle?” Toph snickers, getting a general idea of the game, enjoying it none the less.

“What? What are you talking about?” Zuko scowls at the girl who just sarcastically snaps her neck in his direction.

“Really? Dude, your attention is on her every move and reaction.” Toph cheers loudly for you, making you a bit embarrassed missing your footing. You slip off the beam you aimed for but you push off the side of it just to hop on the top of another, Aang claps saying you’re a natural. “See, your heart rate just spiked at a little slip. Just ask her out, the worst she can say is no right?” Toph shrugs suggestively, “Maybe she likes you back.”

Zuko scoff at these comments before actually thinking about them. “Shut up.” Toph laughed and punched him in the arm. “What was that for!”

Toph smiles, “Thats how I show affection.” Her face beamed as she moved to the ledge of where they sat and waved at the on coming footsteps.

——

Aang has 3 points on you and you haven’t even scored yet, to anyone else you’d say it’s fine, it’s the first time you’ve played. You on the other hand are fairly competitive, and according to Aang you seem to have the rules down. You have the ball in your hand now and decide to throw all cation to the wind, literally in this case. You air bend something close to a funnel weaving around the posts and throwing the ball into it. Your hand twirling lightly to keep it moving. This does not work as planned, as the funnel created so much momentum that the metal make shift ball flattens to the stone hoop. You gasp putting your hands on your temples, “Oh spirits!”

Aang laughs a little too hard, Toph laughs while grumbling about ‘all her hard work.’ Zuko lets out a chuckle, this embarrassed you but your glad he seems to be having fun watching the mess you call a match end. “That was great (Y/N)! I’ve never seen you have that much control with your bending!” You hear Shu say, you didn’t even realize the rest of the Gaang had made their way to watch.

“I was trying so hard to be delicate, agh why don’t I know how to be delicate!” You groan, “I couldn’t even make one shot!” Ruffling you’re hands in your hair.

“There’s the competitive little sister I know,” Shu snorts, you made a tiny ball of air at the tip or your finger and shot it at him, hitting him in the center of his forehead. You laugh anyway.

“I can control little things and big things with my bending, the in between is where it gets hard.” You stretch letting out a barely audible whimper from your burn wounds.

“Hey, that was a lot better than I remember from first time Aang made me and Katara play,” Sokka snorts.

The only one who heard your whimper was Zuko, but that’s because you never lost his attention. Which annoyed him to no end when you were unconscious, but now? He just felt lighter having you around. He couldn’t pin down why, maybe it was the way your laugh was contagious, or that you always knew how to say the right thing? Even when it wasn’t directed at him. Somehow your flaws made you more wonderful to him. Competitive? Generally sarcastic while sounding like an Angel? Even when you’re cranky he wants to be around you. He just liked it, a lot more than he anticipated. He thought at first he wanted to be more like you, now maybe it’s not that.

He let the thoughts run around his head as the Shu and Toph earth bend the platforms everyone was sitting on back into the ground. You head back with Aang, Zuko and Toph, who was dragging Shu by his hand, talking about the game and how to improve the court. Aang laughed explaining that it’s great for training but Airball posts were general made of soft woods, you face palm at that lack of knowledge. Letting out another small whimper from your wound. Zuko hesitates but decides to put one of his hand gently over top the biggest part of the wound. With his generally high internal temperature he figured the heat might help. Your back stiffens in surprise and he starts to pull away, you grab his forearm gently indicating that it’s okay and look over towards him. You mouth the words ‘Thank you,’ your general angelic poker face now replaced by something more relaxed and dusted with blush, you look away hoping he doesn’t notice that your ears turning red. He does.

——

Later that evening everyone was heading to bed, you were more sore than you let on but you weren’t tired. You’re finally starting to feel some energy come back to you after ‘working out’ today. You couldn’t do your normal stuff but you weren’t upset, understanding the situation. Katara was the last person you said good night to after she helped you bathe, you had your healing session in the water. Now with a fresh pot of jasmine tea you sat on the porch staring at the scenery, less than a week ago you lived such a hodgepodge lifestyle with the circus. Albeit this is temporary, you couldn’t imagine your life any other way at this point. You hear soft foot steps come from behind you, you pay no mind until you hear them speak. “You know, you should probably have a blanket or something with you, it’s cold in the evenings here.” It’s Zuko, you smile up at him and offer him tea. Seemingly ignoring his comment about the weather you pat your hand at the space near you, suggesting he sits.

He sits down and pours himself a glass, jasmine. His favorite, he wonders if you knew. “Jasmine tea is one of my favorites,” You say.

“Really?” He sips the tea, and watches you. Your seemingly angelic demeanor is gone, you look like you’re in your own world now.

“Well, actually I haven’t met a tea I didn’t enjoy.” You chuckle and hold the glass in your hands to keep yourself warm, you were relishing in the cold but for some reason now you craved warmth. Maybe since he pointed it out? You don’t think too long on it, you focus on your breathing. Aang taught you a special breathing technique that all Air Benders use to regulate their body temperature. “There is an older gentleman who would visit my aunt and uncle when our travel schedules aligned, he made the best tea.” You smile into your cup, “He’s the one who actually taught me how to make tea.” You chuckle, knowing you’re not nearly as good as him. A shiver overcame you.

You made him think of his Uncle Iroh, he has a lot of regrets to work through regarding that matter. Zuko looks down and adjusts the teapot, scooting closer to you after noticing your small shivers.

“You remind me of myself in a lot of ways.” You said, still taking in your surroundings. Zuko didn’t understand the statement, that was clear on his face when you glanced over to him, not realizing you’re start to lean towards his warm arm. “For an assortment of reasons.” You start to explain. “You always come off as super grumpy and quiet, but you’ve never seemed grumpy to me. Earlier you were the only one to notice I was sore. It felt amazing and honestly I was just grateful you didn’t make a scene about it.” Zuko thinks on this for a bit, realizing that the angelic demeanor you have is a facade, this was (Y/N), and outside of maybe your brother it seems like he’s the only one you’ve shown your true self to. Regardless of the reason, Zuko smiles softly.

Now realizing your arm is leaning up against his. “Great Spirits you’re warm!” You cover your mouth realizing how loud that might’ve been. You chuckle.

Zuko laughed quietly and leaned back into your arm, “Fire Bending perks.” He said, he felt embarrassed touching you earlier but for you to say it felt amazing? He blushed hard thinking about it, grateful for the night sky.

“I knew it.” You murmur playfully as you sip your tea.

You pull back from Zuko’s warmth to stretch, groaning.

He hesitates to ask, “Does it hurt?” He wants to touch you, maybe this fire in him is good for something.

You sit back next to him, maybe a little closer than before. Trying to consume his extra heat, “Of course it hurts, but the pain isn’t something to be bitter over.” You bump his leg with your knee at the comment.

Hesitantly he moves the arm pressing against you and leans on it now close behind you. Your arm now touching the side of his abdomen and his arm touching your back, with his hand on the floor. He doesn’t respond. You lean into his side thinking, “Yes, it was a terrible thing that happened to me, but there’s no changing it and the pain is temporary. Why should I be bitter about it? That only makes the aggressor look powerful.” You know you both have terrible scars, yes yours is bigger but yours isn’t on your face. You thought to yourself. “Those who attack people smaller or weaker than themselves are nothing but cowards.” You mumble. Zuko leans his side into you, as a sort of silent response. You stayed like this for sometime before deciding his warmth is making you sleepy. “Has anyone ever told you, you make people sleepy?” You yawn at him.

A smirk raises to one side of his mouth, “Just once,” Remembering your face nuzzling into his lap the night you collapsed.

You raise an eyebrow but don’t question him, you smile though. “Well here’s a second, your natural warmth is cozy and I’m getting sleepy.” You got up to head to your room, when Zuko gently grabs your bandage covered fingers.

“I-uh, usually have a hard time sleeping,” He admits. “If you ever have a hard time sleeping you can come sit with me.” He was looking at your hands sadly, as if they received the worse kind of treatment.

You giggle, knowing you’re always out here before him. You squat down to his level from standing and give him a soft smile, “I naturally don’t sleep much so you can always come get me if you’re lonely.” You squeeze the hand that’s still holding your fingers before making your way to your room. Your skin is buzzing from where his heat once was. “You know where to find me.” You flick your hand up in a lazy peace sign.

——

At lunch the next day Toph and Sokka were trying to figure out who was the oldest twin. “Seriously, who’s the oldest.” You and Shu move in unison looking from each other to Sokka.

“Yeah! You keep calling each other older or younger! What’s the deal.” Toph pouted next to Shu, as she continued eating.

You twins laughed, “Ancient family secret.” You both said.

“Come on, Toph!” Sokka continues, “One of them has to be lying!” The two started to bicker. Suki and Aang can’t stop laughing from you and Shu doing and saying everything in unison, from blinking to eating. This was something the two of you had perfected at a very young age.

You and Shu glance at Aang, “You okay, Sifu Twinkle Toes?” You both go, the room erupted in laughter.

——

The days continued like this. Aang would give you something to practice, you started training with Toph or Katara. Shu and Toph started to trade training tips on metal and magma bending or would practice sand bending together on the beach. You had your healing sessions and a bath afterwards and once the sun was down and everyone was off to bed you started spending your evenings with Zuko.

You always seem to be waiting for him, you decided rather than staying awake in your room to just sit on the patio. Part of you didn’t want to wait to see if Zuko would actually come find you. You heard him walk up on cue, “Tonight’s tea is chamomile.” You say tilting your head towards him. He wore just a shirt and loose shorts, you imagine these are his pajamas.

He smiled and sat in the same position he had the night prior, arm around your back hand on the floor and the side of his abdomen pressing firmly against you. You poured him a cup this time. The two of you would talk for sometime before retiring to bed.

——

One night Zuko found his way to the patio and you weren’t there, he waited where he usually sat with you for some time before he realized the tea pot was gone. He walked to your room, lightly knocking before opening the door. You weren’t there. A sort of panic washed over him, he decided to look around for you before alerting anyone you were gone. Zuko walked down to the beach when he found foot prints, a sigh of relief left him when he found you sitting in the sand. Knees pulled to your chest, face down, cold tea pot and cup sitting next to you. He watched you for sometime before deciding to walk up. “So this is where you’ve been.”

A small sniffle comes out as you wipe your face, “Ah- Yeah.. Sorry..” You force an awkward chuckle. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” You didn’t look at him, he wasn’t sure you were looking at anything when you finished wiping your eyes.

Zuko sat down beside you, he wasn’t good at comforting people. He tried to think of something his uncle would say if he knew you. “My uncle told me once, that sometimes the best way to solve your own problems is to help someone else.” He spoke quietly, not really sure how to help. “I don’t really know how to comfort people but if there’s anything you need, you can ask..”

A small smile made its way to your face, you were pretty sure he had no idea what that statement meant. “I just uh-“ You looked up at the sky, “I feel guilty. And shameful.” You mutter. You could tell he was confused by this statement but you didn’t say anything for sometime. “You heard my families history, Jesa had an excuse. Sure it wasn’t a good excuse but..” You trailed on. Your voice was getting louder and more shaken with every word. “I was always so ashamed of my bending because it put my family in danger. I was ashamed that my family didn’t fight to defend the air nomads!” The air started stirring aggressively around the two of you. Tears started bubbling up in your eyes again and you pushed yourself from the ground. Zuko grabbed at your hand. You roared at the ocean in front of you, tears streaming freely down your cheeks, bending so much force in frustration waves flew up high before crashing down as you fell on your knees in front of Zuko.

His eyes wide, jaw slacked at the raw power you possessed. He’s never seen Aang use his air bending in such an aggressive manner. You were squeezing his hand, this pulled his attention from what you had just done. He squeezed your hand back before gently pulling on it, coercing you to come closer. You did, you ended up in his lap. You were between his legs that wrapped around you, your knees pulled up, leaning your side and head against his chest. He wrapped both arms around your waist and rested his chin your head. Zuko hushed you until you calmed, and the air around you two had settled into the stale ocean breeze.

His warmth calmed you, he didn’t have to say anything. You’re frustrated with yourself, you didn’t realize you’d bottled up so much. You buried your face into Zuko’s chest, “I feel guilty for being..-“ You hesitated, “For being so happy. Knowing my people have been eradicated.” This stings Zuko’s heart and he just holds you tighter.

Zuko’s history plays through his head, finally understanding what you had meant the other night. ‘You remind me a lot of myself’ you told him. He tilted his head down, pressing his nose and mouth against the top of your head. “Maybe that’s why your family made it. Because of what-“ He thinks of how to put it, “the Fire Nation did to your people. So that you could be happy, so that you could be here and build your people up again when this horrible war ends.” He didn’t know, but you were quiet.

You moved and held onto his bicep that rested between your thighs and bust, you’re both tired and wide awake now. (Y/N) never thought about it that way. That maybe being here, after everything, was your destiny and not just a selfish desire. You squeeze his arm softly, “Thank you, Zuko.” You mumble.

Neither of you said anything for the rest of the night. Not when Zuko heated up the tea pot and your glass, not about you staying in his lap. You both had the nights events and words playing in your head. Zuko realized what his uncle told him was right. Zuko told you what he needed to hear.

——

Zuko was always the last to sleep and the first awake, these were old habits he couldn’t break. However he didn’t mind it so much since (Y/N) has been around, you’re like him. Last to sleep first to rise, at first it was a constant surprise as you’d daze around the kitchen making tea at dawn. Your pajamas leaving very little to the imagination. A short but loose fitting top and loose shorts. Your bandages helped him not look like a bigger fool than he felt he already was. You never teased him about it though, you always just offered a smile. This house was starting to feel like a home again. The early mornings and the evenings were becoming his favorite time, these were times when you were yourself and when you leaned on him. You did this more than he mentally prepared himself for, the first time you did it was when Zuko was preparing tea for the morning, you lazily made your way into the kitchen and poked around him realizing he was doing what you had planned to start. You ended up leaning against his back while holding on to the edge of his shirt and commenting about the warmth before moving to pour yourself a glass of tea. The mornings that followed that one he started to notice you’d seek him out in a tired stupor. Clinging onto him regardless of what he’s doing, warming yourself up for the day, before making yourself a glass of tea and walking off.

He’d watch your beautiful figure laze around with your tea until you found the patio and sat down. You always manage to look back at him with your bedroom eyes expectantly. This always causes him to blush but he makes his way over and sits with you. He’ll watch you from the corner of his eye as you start to wake up.

He missed your presence during his training sessions but was always able to catch a glimpse as you train with one of the girls. Your control over your bending was exceedingly better than it had been when you first met.

“So. Sifu ‘hot water bottle’” A voice says mockingly. Zuko scowls and tears his attention from you and turns around to see Shu. His expression quickly dropped, not wanting to get on your brothers bad side.

“Uh, hey Shu.” Zuko says nervously, “What’s up?” He starts rubbing the back of his neck trying to temporarily purge what happened at the beach from his mind, you letting him wrap you up in his arms and lap was engraved in him. Shu waves him over to follow him.

He follows him until they’re out of your line of sight, “If you like my sister you’re going to have to fight me first.” Shu states pointedly and crosses his arms.

“Wait-wait. What??” Zuko throws up his hands, “I don’t want to fight you, we’re uh,” He stops at the word but shakes his head. “We’re friends, sparring is one thing but I can’t just fight you.”

Your brother flares at him and slides his foot, bending just enough earth under Zuko to knock him down. “I’m not just going to hand my sister, whose like,” He throws his hands up. “An international secret! To someone who can’t protect her!” Shu hisses. This is fair.

His glare drops and he offers a hand to help Zuko up, confused at the quick demeanor change until he hears you talking to Katara and walk past the scene. “Think about it.” Shu quietly hisses before walking away. Zuko stood there dumbfounded for quite some time.

“Your healing session today will be the last for your arms,” Katara tell you. “Your back will take some time but unless the wound gets struck again you shouldn’t have to worry about it opening on its own.” This was the best news you’ve had in some time. You can start actually exercising again.

That night, Zuko was the first to the patio. You stared at him for a bit, something about the moonlight hitting him makes your stomach flop about. You finally walk towards him, realizing he looks uncomfortable. “You okay?” You ask as you sit down beside him.

He looks over at you, he doesn’t say anything but just stares. Examining the lack of bandages on your arms and the concern in your face before speaking. “I’m trying to take all the right steps to make right all the wrongs I’ve done.” He looks away.

You keep looking at him, the gaang has already told you about their history with Zuko when you and Shu asked them how Team Avatar came to be. Zuko hands you a cup of tea before continuing, “I did some- a lot.. of awful things that I can’t take back. I can’t even apologize to my uncle for betraying him.” This statement causes Zuko to put his face in his hands. “He probably hates me now.”

That statement stings you, you’ve only ever seen the Team Avatar version of Zuko. You hesitate but decide to put your hand on his back, running your hand up and down his spine, making shapes with your fingers. “That might be true,” He flinched at this comment. “However. If you can get a group of people you literally tried to kill, to actually like and appreciate you and to care about you. I doubt it’ll be too difficult to get someone who’s always loved you to forgive your actions.” You smile and lean your head on his shoulder still rubbing his back. “From what you’ve told me and what I’ve heard from the others I can imagine he’ll be so proud of you for doing the right thing.”

Zuko doesn’t reply for sometime, replaying the words in his head. Replaying what he told you at the beach. He did do the right thing, he has changed. But what if it’s too late, he wants to ask but he already feels foolish for his actions. He lifts his head and looks over at you before resting his cheek on your head. “You don’t think it’ll be too late to apologize?”

You straighten up and smile at him, and cup his face with your hands. “If you truly mean it when you apologize then it’ll never be too late.” You leave a small kiss on his cheek and then smile at him. Zuko pulls you into him, holding one hand firmly around your shoulders and one around your waist. This caused you to gasp but he doesn’t let go. He needs this, you think. Hugging him back with your arms around his neck and a hand brushing his hair with your fingers till he’s ready to let go.

As much as he needed a hug the second he hugged you he was extremely embarrassed. Embarrassed that he wanted to pull you into his lap again and not let go. Especially after you kissed his cheek. He feared letting go as you would see his blushing face. Not realizing you can feel his blush as his body temperature rose. It wasn’t until you held him back and pet his hair that he started to savor the moment, engraving it in his mind before letting go and looking at the sky. You watched him carefully, you wanted to kiss him more and find all the reasons as to why everything would be fine. “Your brother told me I have to fight him.” Your face snapped away from his, you knew what this meant, but why would Shu say that to Zuko? Why wouldn’t he talk to you first? Did he tell Zuko how you feel? You were panicking.

(Y/N)’s ear are red, Zuko noticed. She seems embarrassed. Was she embarrassed of Zuko? Was it her brother? Or something else? He couldn’t get a read from you, “D-Did he say anything, ah,” You started. “About me, uh, when he did..?” You couldn’t make eye contact with him.

His face turned bright red, yes the whole thing was about you! He’s thinks your embarrassed about your brothers actions. “Well, ah,” he stammers, “I kind of, uhm, brought it upon myself.” You both look away from each other. “He told me to think about it.”

You sigh putting your red face in your hands, “I am so sorry.” You groan. Embarrassed that you thought this was about you.

“No no it’s not your fault!” He stammers, “We should uh, we should head to bed.” You nod at him and take the hand he offers to get up.

Your fingers touch his as he walks you to your room, “Uhm. Good night Zuko.” You smile and whisper to him as you separate, he watches you as you disappear behind your door. He wants to follow you in, realizing what you mean to him.

When he got to his room he closed and slid down the door. “Good night, (Y/N).” He sighed, “What am I going to do.”

——

A/N: Holy smokes, guys! We made it through Part 1! If you’d like to be tagged in this series please feel free to message me or comment on this post! Here are my starred notes: (*1) Imagine that customer service face we all have, you know the one (*2) When I wrote this line for Aang it ended up destroying my whole plan for the rest of this scene because I was like “Shit Aang would actually say something like that” (*3) Did you know river rocks explode when they get too hot?

Tag List:

@coalsmind @bucky-blogs @fanficflaneuse @cutiepoo16 @eridanuswave @grapesauze @theblueslytherin @coolpenguingoddess @royahllty @whalerus @shewritesseashells @lammello @ditu-m9 @kryptidkova @gxrleexis-arctic-monks

#a:tla #a:tla x reader #a:tla fanfiction #atla #atla x reader #atla fanfic #zuko #prince zuko #zuko x reader #prince zuko x reader #zuko imagine #avatar #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last air bender fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #fan fic #zuko fanfic #first fanfic

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evil-m0nk · 4 years ago

Text

SHOUTOUT TO THE TWO PEOPLE WHO

ASKED FOR THIS; YOU KNOW WHO YOU

ARE ♡

LET'S BE HONEST, I WAS GONNA POST THIS ANYWAY

BUT NOW I HAVE A REASON LOL

JIROUSHI HEADCANONS.

IF YOU DIDN'T SEE THE POST THAT

INSPIRED THIS, CLICK HERE

FOR CONTEXT!

gay gay homosexual gay

DISCLAIMER BUDDY IS BACK WITH

ANOTHER MESSAGE FOR YOU

TO READ BEFORE YOU CONTINUE ON!

!!!Please note!!! All of the things stated in this blog are my own personal opinions and not meant to imply canon. My purpose is spilling out some headcanons for a crack ship cause it makes me happy. If you don't like this ship, feel free to ignore this post! Thank you and enjoy :)

*And if you guys wanna add onto this with your own headcanons for them, I would love that so much <33

///

These are in no particular order, just whatever comes to mind! I'll try to keep somewhat of a timeline in the beginning, but a fully-fleshed out, AO3 fanfic style timeline is a whole post by itself. (I'll gladly type that out too if you think you'll enjoy it 🥴) Creds to my friend for helping me out with some of this!!!

So without further adieu,

let's get into these headcanons!

///

RANDOM HEADCANONS ;

*Short and sweet, no particular order.

• They both love My Chemical Romance; Jiro's favorite album is Danger Days and Jyushi's is Welcome To The Black Parade. (another shoutout to my MCR fans.)

• Jiro plays MCR songs on his guitar for Jyushi to cheer him up.

• Jiro tried to teach Jyushi to play soccer, but he cried went he got mud on his boots and Jiro decided it would be better if Jyushi just watched instead.

• They read Junji Itō together on rainy days, usually accompanied by a blanket and tea that Ichiro made for them.

• They both have AO3 & Wattpad accounts for the sake of reading all the horrible fanfictions and giggling over them.

• Despite really enjoying each other's company, they still bicker like they did when they fake dated.

• Ichiro is proud of his brother for finally finding someone who he can spend time wish, while Kuko is completely disgusted by the fact Jyushi has a date. ( /lh ) Parents.

• Jiro once texted Ichiro, verbatim, "Can u tell your boyfriend's emo friend to text me back" and Ichiro left him on read.

• They once went on a double date with Ichiro and Kuko and I'm sure everyone can imagine how horrible and awkward that turned out.

• They are avid Guitar Hero and Dance Dance Revolution players and usually have competitions to see who can score higher.

• Jyushi gave Jiro a wolf stuffed animal to match with Amanda and Jiro falls asleep with it in arms reach every night.

• Jyushi is a vegetarian and Jiro always remembers to get him something meat-free when they go out to eat.

TIMELINE HEADCANONS ;

• Jiro and Jyushi originally didn't like each other very much; Jiro thought Jyushi might be as stuck-up as everyone says he was, and Jyushi assumed that Jiro thought that. They didn't avoid one another, but they definitely didn't go out of their ways to interact.

• They were in a fake relationship for a few weeks, just because they were tired of being teased for constantly being alone. It happened at a high school dance, when Jiro went to sit on the bleachers and saw Jyushi sitting there too. He decided to sit next to him and it caused them to bicker back and forth for a while, then it dissolved into them devising a plan to "fake date". (If y'all want that extended timeline post...)

cont. : When they were around other people, like walking down the hallway, they would very begrudgingly hold hands. Jiro comments about how cold Jyushi's hands are and Jyushi snaps back with something like, "Well, your hands are clammy- s-so. . . Shut up!" This would inevitably lead to them bickering, shushing each other, smiling awkwardly at the people around them, shared glare, and repeat.

• They only really started to like each other's company when they realized that they had none in common than they thought. In canon, Jiro loves manga and Jyushi likes alternative fashion (visual kei), so naturally one of the things they had in common was owning Junji Itō mangas. They also share similar music taste, My Chemical Romance being the main one. ;)) This was found out when Jyushi went to Jiro's place for the first time. It was necessarily planned, but in a moment of worry they made plans to hang out within earshot of the other students. Jyushi didn't really pick up on the fact it was just a show and showed up at Jiro's place later that day.

• Their first official date happened partly because they realized they may actually have feelings for one another, and because the questions about how long they'd been together, how many dates they'd been on, how they met from their classmates became unavoidable. Since both of them are pretty terrible liars, they decided the only way to get out of this was an actual date. . . Were they lowkey flirting then? Absolutely.

• Because they're both teenagers with not much in the way of an income other than their rap groups, their first date was at a foodcart. The place was too crowded and loud for Jyushi's liking, and Jiro being the natural gentleman he is offered to buy their meals so Jyushi could get away from the noise.

cont. // slight writing bonus : Jyushi sits on a stairway away from the foodcarts, looking at the bright lights of the Shinjuku division. It doesn't take long for Jiro to return with their food--burgers. Jiro digs around in the paper bag containing their food awkwardly for a moment before pulling one out and handing it to Jyushi.

Jyushi hesitates as well, but eventually takes it from Jiro, who only then sits down next to him on the stairwell. He sits closer than Jyushi would have expected. Jyushi huffes, pulling back the wrapping of the burger, he turns to Jiro with a slightly annoyed expression, opening his mouth to speak;

"You know, I'm vegetarian. . . -"

"I know. It-it's a veggie burger."

Jyushi closes his mouth again and a small blush creeps over his face. His and Jiro's eyes meet for a moment,

"Oh. . . Well, thank you. . ."

and then he looks away before taking a quick bite of the burger in order to hide his face.

It seemed silly. . . though, no one had ever been that observant or caring toward him.

HEYYYY......I'M SO GLAD YOU MADE IT TO THE END BECAUSE I AM CURRENTLY FINISHING THIS @ 3AM <33

THESE ARE SOSOSOSO FUN TO DO,, ESPECIALLY THAT STORY WRITING BIT AT THE END--I'M 100% DOWN TO POST A MINI FIC,, + MORE DETAIL AS WELL 👀👀👀

I'M A CLOUT-CHASER SO IF YOU GUYS WANNA LIKE/REBLOG/FOLLOW, I'LL LOVE YA TO DEATH,,, 💖

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newtxtinaforever · 4 years ago

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Happy Birthday Tina!

Hello there! Today's one shot is sponsored by @neighborhood-newtina-reblogger, a tumblr that I greatly admire. Okay, it's not technically sponsored by the blog, but it did provide the prompt/idea for this one shot, which I will include at the very end in case you want to know what it is. Also, the fanart above belongs to @sydsketch and partially inspires my fanfic as well. Don't want to put the prompt at the beginning and spoil the story, so without further ado, I hope you enjoy this little piece of my Newtina heart. Oh, and happy birthday Tina! ☺️

3rd POV

"Oh, Newt. She's perfect!" Tina exclaimed happily, a smile brightening up her usually tense features. It wasn't that the American witch held a grudge against smiling or having fun; quite the opposite, in fact. She was so used to being responsible that her default look was to come across as a professional who took her job seriously. When she was with Newt, however, she couldn't help but smile. His light-hearted nature simply had a way of making her feel like she could let her guard down and didn't have to worry about what kind of person Newt was. Having fought alongside him in the fight against Grindelwald, Tina knew she could trust Newt. It was a good thing because he had just given her a creature to call her own.

"Really? That's wonderful to hear. I hoped you would like her but I wasn't completely sure if you would be interested in-" Newt was quickly interrupted by Tina's warm words of gratitude. "I love her, Newt. Thank you," she replied. Her eyes sparkled with a light reminiscent of the creature that currently rested in its small glass case. "What's her name?" Tina asked softly as she admired the speckled salamander. Newt blushed before replying, "Well, I thought you might like to name her seeing as she's yours." Both pairs of eyes connected for the briefest of moments.

"Of course!" Tina blurted, although she soon regained her composure. "I'm not quite sure where to start, but I'm sure we can think of something." Newt's tender smile at Tina's inclusion of the word 'we' went unnoticed for the most part, yet the tone of their environment was clearly evident. It was nearly impossible to miss the delicate care each person felt for the other, so alive and tangible was it. The silence that settled in during certain moments of the conversation were not uncomfortable, but peaceful instead. Surprisingly enough, Newt was the next one to speak up.

"Keegan," he uttered cryptically. Tina tilted her head to the right by a dozen degrees. "Who?" she wondered aloud, her sharp eyes fixed on Newt. The famous magizoologist remained quiet for several seconds until Tina cleared her throat. "Oh, I'm sorry. I was simply suggesting Keegan as a name, but I understand if you don't like it. She's yours, so feel free to choose whatever name you feel is best."

Tina lowered her gaze to the ground, then extended her head upward. "The name's fine, Newt. And I want you to be included in the naming process, trust me," she said with reassurance in her voice. Newt smiled. "What about Thea? She's the Greek goddess of light, which is fitting since salamanders feed off of fire, right?" Tina inquired. She waited for a response from Newt, but he appeared not to have heard her. Beginning to wonder if something was wrong with him, Tina repeated the end of her previous sentence. "Right, Newt?"

The man in question displayed signs of life after what seemed like forever. His nose was scrunched as if he had caught a whiff of rotting maggots while his eyes blinked ferociously. What was going on? Tina prompted Newt to explain his behavior, although it took some serious persuading. "The name sounds a bit like... well... like Theseus, my brother." Tina nodded her head in agreement and decided to move on. The last thing she wanted was for her new companion to remind Newt of his older brother.

"Perhaps you might consider Idris. It's Welsh and can mean 'fiery' depending on the language." Newt explained gently. His voice was rich and full of childlike wonder, much to Tina's delight. It was rare to find such a kindred spirit in a world where brute strength and power was often congratulated. Tina tried not to let her emotions become too obvious as she lovingly murmured, "I think Idris is a lovely name. Thank you, Newt." Once again, both pairs of eyes connected and lingered; the result was pure fascination and ultimately love.

With their eyes still fixed on each other, Tina closed the space between them. Her long, thin arms wrapped themselves around the middle of Newt's back. Much like their prolonged glances, this embrace was personal and private, something that was special between them. Tina was keenly aware of Newt's reservations regarding the hug, so she made sure to take baby steps while reassuring Newt at the same time. Her fingers brushed lightly against Newt's back, the warmth from her hands radiating through his pale blue shirt. With a great amount of hesitance and care, Tina tightened her grip on Newt. Hopefully he wouldn't feel uncomfortable; that was the last thing Tina wanted. Nevertheless, she held on to him, refusing to let go just yet.

Nearly a minute had passed before Newt reciprocated the hug. Unbeknownst to Tina, his eyes watered and a huge grin spread across his face. Both sets of arms rested gently on the other's back, a sign of peace and acceptance. It didn't take long for Tina to pull Newt in closer, more confident this time. Any lingering doubt as to whether or not Newt would perceive such intimate physical contact to be desirable was gone. She knew that he would understand just as she had learned to understand the roundabout way he comforted and complimented her.

With an overflowing heart, Newt Scamander enveloped Tina in his arms; pure, sentimental emotion surrounded them. Every part of him wanted nothing more than to freeze that moment and remember it forever. Not only was it rare for Newt to desire physical contact, but it was also rare for him to feel so content as a result of it. In Tina, Newt found appreciation and compassion. Despite miscommunication being a continuous issue between them, the two old souls always managed to make things right. If Newt was honest, Tina completed him — to a certain extent. He hadn't felt that his life was 'less than' without her, but he did notice a change whenever she was around, whether physically or in Newt's thoughts. She was someone who helped him restore his jaded view of humanity, and for that, Newt was grateful.

The embrace continued for several more minutes, Newt mentally recording what it felt like to be so close to Tina.

The scent of her hair, the touch of her hands. Newt was so mesmerized that he even dared to lift Tina off the ground, just a couple inches, and spin her very gently. It was instinct and had occurred before he could stop himself. Never before had he allowed his emotions to come off so strongly in the presence of another human being, and he had to admit: it felt freeing.

As for Tina, she experienced similar sentiments during their embrace. Mind racing, heart soaring... Since when did Newt display such sudden outbursts of affection? While Tina was slightly confused by this, she didn't question it because of her elation. If Newt was comfortable enough to be so physically close with her, she took it as a sign of growth and was proud of him. Each second that passed served as a reward earned by the energy both had spent in order to fight against the evil forces that threatened wizards and muggles alike. After years of fighting, Newt and Tina were given a moment of reprieve. A moment to be still, but more importantly, to be happy.

For Newt, happiness took the form of feeding his creatures. This was nothing new, but having Tina by his side — her eyes full of adoration — made the event much more enjoyable. For Tina, growing closer to Newt served as her main source of happiness, although she also happened to find it in the pursuit of wizardkind's most elite criminals. After all, being an Auror was an important part of Tina's life. The fact that her devotion to justice nearly managed to get her killed was unfortunate, yet Tina had put it in the past where it belonged. She needed her job because it allowed her to protect innocent lives, and that was something Tina would never stop pursuing. Whether it was a sideways smile or a lengthy yet tender hug, both Newt and Tina were fond of the little things in life as well as each other. Nothing, not even Grindelwald, could take those feelings away from them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note: Below is the prompt for the above one shot ⬇️⬇️

I want Tina to initiate newtina’s first embrace. And I want it to happen in a happy context. I want her to realize that maybe Newt isn’t bold enough just yet to make that move, so she takes control and latches onto him. It won’t be like when Theseus hugged him, arms and back stiff the whole time. It will be at first, while he takes a few seconds to process what’s happening. In those few seconds, Tina is fully aware he’s processing the situation, so she holds him even tighter to reassure him that yes, she’s here. She wants this. She will wait. And once he finally accepts that, I want Newt to reciprocate her embrace with an enormous grin on his face (bonus points for misty eyes). I want him to wrap his arms around her back and tentatively return her gesture. Tina pulls even tighter to erase that last bit of questioning how far he should go. Then, Newt fully wraps her up in him, encasing her with his arms and body as completely as he can (bonus points for a little pick up and spin or something extra cute like that). And they stay like that for a while, just appreciating each other. Wordlessly processing their emotions. Surrendering to their feelings. Just being together like they want.

#AugustNineTeenie2020 #fantastic beasts #newtina #newtina fanfiction #newtina fanart #tina goldstein #newt scamander #salamander #happy birthday tina #tina goldstein birthday

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just-dreaming-about · 5 years ago

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Big Hero 6

This time I come with a Big Hero 6 fanfic because I'm in the mood for this guys. Also I'm trying with (Y/N) because I couldn't find a good name for this one and you could imagine her/him whatever you want. I just love this movie and I hope you enjoy this!

Starting a new life it's always hard. You only had twelve years when your dad came to home with the news: "They give me the job!" You celebrated with your parents, both happy and excited, and you were happy because they were happy -you didn't had any idea what those words implied.

The first few weeks were very hard, unpacking and accommodating but luckily your parents made the job easier for you; music and laughs sounded throughout the house. Then, the day you were finishing painting the living room, the only place in the house that hadn't yet suffered your artistic attack with the brush, someone knocked on the door. You peeked down the hall without caring that there was paint all over your clothes, face and hair to see how your two parents opened the door to a stranger. That woman introduced herself as Cass Hamada and had brought her nephews to introduce herself to the new neighbors. It was weird. Where you lived, the neighbors ignored each other or yelled at each other because they annoyed each other.

One of this woman's nephews was your age, with messy black hair and a gesture of discomfort as if he preferred to be somewhere else. The other, the one who caught your young and easily impressionable heart, was tall, probably older than seventeen, wearing a baseball cap and preventing his little brother from running away from the situation. Still, no one was surprised that your parents were two men. One of them, the one who had gotten the job as journalist and for whom you had moved to that city turned to the hallway looking for you.

-We have a (girl/boy) your age, Hiro -said the one who hadn't turned.

-Wow, Hiro! An opportunity to make friends! -Mrs. Hamada was excited.

-It has to be around here... (Y/N)!-yelled the one turned.

You hid yourself and took a look in the mirror; it was when you realized how you looked. Your head was a chaos of negative thoughts and your hands tried to fix your hair. Your father shouted your name again and you took a deep breath, your two parents didn't mind going out with a paint mess, you shouldn't care either. Gathering all the confidence you were capable of, you went out into the hall and let them see you. Hiro looked annoyed, Tadashi just smiled and Mrs. Hamada looked like she was about to jump out of excitement.

-Aren't you the most adorable thing in town? -smiled Mrs. Hamada- Hiro, say something.

-I don't wanna to say anything -said Hiro crossing his arms.

-Then I'll say it -said Tadashi, bending down to be at your height- Hi, I'm Tadashi. This is my aunt Cass and he is the stupid, grumpy and immature of my brother -Tadashi was still smiling, although Hiro was complaining behind him, and extended his hand towards you- How are you?

In that moment you decided that Tadashi was the perfect boy.

From that day on, you became inseparable from the Hamada. They lived across the street and you always had fun being at their home. When you couldn't get out of your house because you were sick or punished, Tadashi made funny gestures out of his bedroom window -which looked at yours- while Hiro just looked at you wrongly or stuck his tongue out at you.

Trying to be friends with Tadashi was very easy, he was a person with whom you could talk about all subjects and who never laughed at your concerns. When you turned thirteen, a classmate invited you to the movies -your first date- and your response was to run to the Lucky Cat Cafe and tell Tadashi while you were dying of shame because Hiro was laughing at you.

Trying to be friends with Hiro was something else. Hiro was only interested in robotics and robo-combat and building robots. It was boring. The worst thing of all is that Tadashi started university and almost all his free time was spent at the university or working on his project so you had to spend time with Hiro. Now the routine was go to the Lucky Cat Cafe when finish class, grab some candy and interrupt Hiro in anything he was working on until Tadashi came home and played with you or your dads came to pick you up, whichever was earlier. Sometimes you stayed in his room or in the garage with Hiro while he worked and you did homework, both in silence until you had a doubt and Hiro tried that you find the answer by you alone because you wouldn't learn anything if he simply gave it to you.

The days went by while Hiro graduated from high school and rubbed it in your face, Tadashi continued to be an older brother to you, Aunt Cass prepared her delicious sweets, one of your dad entered as a professor at the University of San Fransokyo and the other entered as a journalist in one of the most important newspapers in the city. Things were going well.

The holidays passed quickly, Tadashi spent a lot of time in his laboratory, Hiro ignored you while working on his new robot and your young person of fourteen fantasized about Tadashi who was now your great crush.

-You know you will never be together, right? -said Hiro without looking at you.

-Excuse me? -you stopped sketching Tadashi's face on you notebook. You recently discovered that painting was one of your qualities and that you really enjoyed drawing everything you saw.

-Nothing, don't worry -he said with that tone that he always uses to make others believe that he doesn't care but you knew very well that he was dying to say something else.

-What do you know about this things?

-He is four years older than you, it is silly that you continue with that.

-It is none of your business if I have a crush for your brother.

-You are wrong about that. My favorite activity is seeing how you look at Tadashi, really expecting him to notice you like that. Do you know that that would be pedophilia? But what do I know about these things?

Finally, Hiro turned his chair to look at you with his sly smile plastered on his face until he saw your pained-angry expression and realized that you were about to cry. You ran out of there without saying a word, Hiro screaming your name running after you, you almost collided with Aunt Cass before leaving and crossing the street to go up to your house. You didn't open your bedroom door even to Tadashi when he came to see what had happened between you and Hiro. After three days without showing up at the Hamada's house, Hiro tried his luck with a drone that carried a message for you. At first, you were surprised to see that weird robot but when you looked behind it -towards Hiro's window- you saw the boy with the drone controls and with a nervous smile on his face. You shot him an angry look and closed the curtain, which didn't open all week.

One night after dinner, Aunt Cass appeared at your house, your dads were trying to calm her in the living room, she seemed about to break. Apparently, Hiro had disappeared and Tadashi had gone looking for him, Aunt Cass thought he would be here with you but he wasn't there -she didn't know that you and Hiro had fought. You sat with your parents in the living room, waiting for news from Tadashi while Aunt Cass was debuting the cookies your parents had brought, a feeling of anguish tightening your chest. Then Aunt Cass received a call from the police station and ran to find her nephews, your parents sent you to bed, it was very late and you had class tomorrow but you couldn't sleep: when Aunt Cass's car appeared on the street, you stuck to your bedroom window to see how the Hamadas were arguing with each other before entering the house. You sighed in relief to see that Hiro was safe and reacted late when the light in the brothers' room came on. Hiro had sat at his computer and looked out the window -out of habit- and saw you there with a worried face. He gave you the most sly smile and you show him your middle finger before closing the curtains again. Now you could sleep.

When missing your friends won over your pride, you showed up in the Hamada's garage to see Hiro and Tadashi very focused on something they were working on, Tadashi first became aware of your presence and gave you one of his kind smiles before leaving you with Hiro to fix whatever had happened between the two of you. Hiro was very bad asking for forgiveness and talking about feelings but you were honest with him; you told him that in your old city you didn't have many friends, so Tadashi behaving so well with you was a great change for you. You also told him that you weren't in love with Tadashi, not really you thought, you were in love with the idea of Tadashi: an attentive, smart and funny boy who cared about making you feel welcome in his house because he knew you didn't know anyone and you needed friends. You ended up accepting Hiro's apology and hugging him even though he had never liked this kind of display of affection.

But he also hugged you.

Now you were in context; Tadashi showed Hiro his university and introduced him to his friends and Hiro had marveled at everything and was now trying to carry out a huge project to let him study there as well. You also met Tadashi's friends since they started coming to the Hamada's house to cheer Hiro and help him advance his project, you became good friends with Honey Lemon and Fred, you even went to eat with all of them because they invited you. Your parents were concerned that your friends list was practically much older than you but they couldn't say that they were a bad influence on you, quite the opposite actually. While Hiro was developing his project, you kept him company simply by being there with him; you talked to him about how the classes had gone, who you had a fight with, which teacher you thought was against you because you didn't pass the last exam and you drew. You spent hours talking and talking while you drew. Sometimes Hiro would go for hours and hours without answering and you thought he wouldn't listen to you and you were silent but then he interrupted his work and asked you what happened next. You smiled broadly at him and kept telling him the story. Sometimes he would ask you for help with the most important task; give him gummy bears. He would leave his mouth open and you would put the sweets.

Until the day you fell asleep at the Hamada's garage. It wasn't planned, you were really having fun with Hiro throwing gummy bears to his mouth and sketching Hiro's hands while he worked. At some point in the night Hiro realized that you had fallen asleep in the couch over your sketches but didn't wake you up, he looked for a blanket and put it on you before continuing to work. The next morning the laughter of the others woke you both up, Tadashi had taken a picture of you both sleeping together in the couch and Fred was starting to sing a song about you two sitting under a tree. From that day on, the atmosphere between you and Hiro changed. You wouldn't know if it was your negative reaction, the panic on Hiro's face or the fact that Hiro shouted that you liked Tadashi, you only knew that that day you felt very bad, a pressure in your chest that you wouldn't know how to define. Tadashi went to talk to you and you both sat down on the stairs in front of your house to talk; he told you that he was honored to have been your first love but he also told you that he felt bad for being the first to break your heart. You, to Tadashi's relief, told him that you weren't in love with him. You confessed that you didn't understand your own feelings but it was true that you took references from him for the idea of your type of boy: cool, smart and who cares about your well-being. He said, mysteriously, that you would end up realizing it. What did you have to realize? You had no idea and Tadashi wasn't going to make it easy for you. The Hamadas were obsessed with you learning by yourself.

-I thought you promised to keep my secret -you said entering the Hamada's garage- I thought you were my friend.

Hiro was sitting at the computer but his head rested on his hands and his elbows on the table, he seemed to be overwhelmed by something. When he turned to see you, it looked like he hadn't slept in days.

-I'm your friend, (Y/N).

-Friends keep secrets.

He signed, seemed really bad.

-Is the idea of dating me so bad?-you didn't know where those words came from but once they were said there was no going back. The tension between you two seemed to increase.

Hiro mumbled some things you didn't understand before sighing again and running a hand through his hair.

-What did you said? -you asked a little more abrupt than you intended.

-Can we become friends again?-he repeated a little louder- I miss you...

Something inside you stirred restlessly and perhaps it was his pleading look or that you missed your friend but you ended up smiling defeated. This time it was Hiro who hugged you, whispering another apology.

The day before the convention where Hiro was supposed to prove himself to Callahan, you spent the evening trying to calm Hiro who was on his nerves pacing from one side of the garage to the other checking that everything was perfect. Since it was an impossible task, you let him be while you made new sketches in your new sketchbook. So you spent several hours until Tadashi appeared and stood next to you to see your sketches.

-You never cease to amaze me with every drawing, (Y/N).

-Miss Trainor has taught me to focus more on how light moves -you commented absentmindedly looking at Hiro to erase a line from your sketch and draw it again.

-What are you drawing? -Hiro asked coming closer to look too.

You panicked for a few seconds and closed the notebook. This had been going on for a couple of weeks; when you started drawing you showed all your sketches, then when you started drawing Tadashi it didn't bother you that Hiro saw you draw but lately when you drew Hiro you didn't let him see your sketches. A feeling of urgency and shame arose within you every time he asked to see your notebook.

-Why can Tadashi see and I can't?

At Hiro's insistence that he was beginning to get upset and your denials that you were starting to get angry, Tadashi ended the discussion.

-Because I am a human being who stays neat and rests well. Have you seen your face? Did you even take a shower yesterday? What impression will you make tomorrow if you fall asleep in your own talk?

Embarrassed, Hiro fled to shower, slamming the door behind him. You and Tadashi laughed at the situation and then he started to go over the same details that Hiro had been perfecting.

-You care about him a lot -you said, storing your things in your shoulder bag.

-He is my little brother, for me it is natural to worry -he shrugged his shoulders closing one of the containers of microbots.

-I'm jealous... You have each other. I am always alone at home when my dads aren't around.

-You have us, (Y/N) -Tadashi approached you and put a hand on your shoulder and gave you that smile that was reserved for Hiro- You are one more and you know it.

-Thanks, Tadashi.

You hugged Tadashi with all your might, partly because you didn't want to cry and that he called you corny, and partly because you wanted to show him how grateful you were for accepting you into his family. After you broke up, Tadashi asked you to come upstairs to check that Hiro had showered and to see if you could get him to get some sleep, he was going to finish the last checks.

In other circumstances you wouldn't have minded entering Hiro's room without calling and yelling at him to do what Tadashi had asked but now every step that brought you closer to the room made you blush more. For some reason it took a lot of courage to knock at the wall to advise him that you were there, to your relief, a freshly showered and already dressed Hiro peeked down to see who was there.

-Since when do you knock? -Hiro asked, yawning and stepping aside to let you in.

-Since when do you not sleep?-you changed the subject bluntly but Hiro didn't seem to care.

-As the date gets closer I find it harder to sleep -he confessed with a shrug- I review things in my head all the time, I want it to be perfect.

-You will be better off if you rest properly - you scolded crossing your arms.

-I can't, okay? I can't sleep. Does it matter? My technology will speak for me.

-Of course it matters! Ugh. Sometimes you're impossible.

Full of rage and without saying another word you took Hiro's hand and dragged him to bed, laying you down with him. Hiro was a chaos of stammering, complaining and blushing but you imposed yourself and forced him to lean his back against the bed, you ordered him to close his eyes and you stayed with him looking at the ceiling. After a few minutes Hiro opened his eyes and turned his head towards you to tell you that he was still not sleeping. You completely turned around and looked at him angrily.

-I will stay with you until you fall asleep.

And he didn't try anything to make you leave.

The next morning both Hiro and you had to put up with comments from Tadashi, Fred, Gogo... Even Aunt Cass made a comment!

One of your dads as a professor at San Fransokyo University was helping to organize the event and the other had to be there to do an article about the event for the newspaper so Aunt Cass offered to take you with Hiro and Tadashi. Even you could see perfectly well that Hiro was pretending not to be nervous when he was actually about to have an attack so you spent most of the way holding his hand to cheer him up. You gasped when the convention doors opened and it had to be Hiro who pulled your hand in order for you to move forward. Before everyone scattered around the room to hand out the containers that guarded the microbots that Hiro had built, Honey Lemon took a selfie of the group where, to your surprise, it was Hiro who pushed you into a surprise hug so in the photo you came out looking at Hiro, smiling and if you looked closely you were a little flushed. After that you were going to go with Aunt Cass to wait for Hiro's exposition turn, but Hiro didn't let go of your hand.

-All right, bro. This is it -said Tadashi trying to bump fists with Hiro but he was distracted- Come on! Don't leave me hanging -Tadashi looked at me and then to Hiro to realize that Hiro was worried- What's going on?

-I really want to go here -he said frankly at the time he squeezed your hand.

-Hey, you got this -reassured Tadashi putting a hand on his shoulder.

Hiro looked at you one last time before releasing your hand and walk to the scenario. Tadashi and you shared a worried look but he put his arm around you and took you with him searching for aunt Cass, your two dads and the gang: they actually found the best place where they could see Hiro but when people started noticing Hiro exposition and they started to approach to see better you were too small to see through them so Wasabi sit you on his shoulders. Hiro started shyly and you thought he was so cute when he started talking with new confidence. That was the Hiro you knew and you were so proud of him. The exposition finished and you were left behind with aunt Cass and your parents and when you did it to where Hiro and the gang was, a men was already leaving them and you freaked out that this men was Alistar Krei from Krei Tech and Callahan was giving Hiro his acceptance card. Hiro seemed so freaked out and you take advantage to run and surprise him with a big hug.

-That was amazing! Why did you so much drama last night?

-What happened last night? -asked Fred with that tone that made you and Hiro blush and broke the hug.

-Nothing you should care -you crossed your arms and frowned to him.

Your parents called you and you thanks them for that, perfect timing. They told you that they should stay for the party because of their job so you had to go with the Hamadas, that didn't bother you and you found the gang going out the building. Actually, Hiro and Tadashi were leaving behind after a big hug from aunt Cass.

-Eh, where's going everyone?

-They're over there, we'll meet them at the cafe -answered Tadashi with his big smile.

-Aren't you coming?

-I want to talk with Hiro, would you save us a place with you in the cafeteria?

You smiled to Tadashi, nodding, and them looked at Hiro to hug him again.

-That was really amazing, Hiro.

He hugged you too and broke when Tadashi took a photo of you hugging.

-I'll send this to everyone!

You simply blushed again but Hiro started to chase his brother yelling at him. Laughing, you tried reach the gang at the parking but then you heard people yelling and when you noticed it the exposition building was on fire. You were so worried about your dads that you started running without care if aunt Cass shouted you don't. Your two dads were good, they could go out the building fine but then, the building exploded and when you looked you could see Hiro at the ground yelling Tadashi's name. Either your two dads could stopped you when you run to him, you stumbled and skidded on the floor in your way but you made it to him and took his face so he could look at you.

-Hiro, where's Tadashi? What happened!? Are you listening me!? What happened!?

But he didn't tell you anything. In fact he didn't tell you anymore since that day. He closed up to you, to everyone, and didn't care if there were people worried about him. You didn't know what you could do or say, your dads insisted that you only had to be there for him but you felt like you weren't welcomed in his room anymore. You tried a lot but you couldn't reach him and the person who you go when you need advice wasn't there anymore. It was frustrating and you were almost depressed as Hiro but you thought you had to be strong for Hiro and Tadashi so you still go to school and then to the Lucky Cat Cafe, you went to Hiro's room and helped him with cleaning and trying to get him out but he didn't want you there. You still trying showing him a new painting you did in Art Class but he didn't care. You thought that painting was horrible anyway, since Tadashi's death you didn't draw anything good. When it was time for you to go to your house, Aunt Cass hug you and said that you were doing good, but you didn't believe it. Took you a few weeks to stop trying. You didn't know what to do either the gang didn't have any idea.

And then, one night, your phone ring with a message from Baymax. You didn't remember what a Baymax was but the message said that Hiro needed you so you didn't hesitate, you dressed up and were careful to not wake up your dads, crossed the street and stopped when a car park next to you. Wasabi, Gogo, Honey Lemon and Fred were there, and all of you saw how Hiro with a big armored thing escaped to the streets. Gogo take you on the car and Wasabi drives following Hiro to the bay where they were spying something. He freaked out when all of you go out from the car.

-Dude, what are you doing out here? -asked Wasabi saying what everyone was thinking.

-Nothing! Just out for a walk. Helps my pubescent mood swings.

-Pubescent? -you asked as he was regretting said that.

-You have to go! -Hiro yelled at all of you stopping the questions about Baymax.

-No, don't push us away again, Hiro. We're here for you -said Honey Lemon- That's why Baymax contacted us.

-Those who suffer a lost, require support from friends and loved ones -said Baymax- Who would like to share their feelings first?

You looked at Hiro crossing your arms, after all those days without say nothing he were here playing around? You were angry and Hiro could feel that. And just when Fred was starting sharing his feelings a kabuki masked man with Hiro's microbots tried to throw you a container but Baymax stopped it. All of you run to the car but Gogo had to took Hiro because he was this stupid that he was staying there. Once in the car, Baymax broke the car ceiling with his butt so Wasabi drives you out of there.

-Hiro, explanation. Now! -said Gogo.

-He stole my microbots! He started the fire! I don't know who he is!

-And you were trying to go for him you alone!? -you freaked out taking him from the arm- You're crazy!

The whole chase took all over the town, Fred freaking out about this Kabuki man was a super villain, Honey Lemon stay at the positive part and Gogo lost all his patience and sit in Wasabi's legs to drive. Baymax saved Hiro's life and you were about to suffer a heart attack almost at every turn. Honey Lemon and you hugged while the car fell at the water and Baymax take all of you out of there.

-I told you we'd make it! -said Honey Lemon.

-Your injuries required my attention. And your body temperatures are low -said Baymax.

-We should get out of here -pointed Hiro.

-I know a place -Fred was so strange again.

While Fred took you to his house, Hiro looked at you with a feeling you couldn't say what was but you frowned at him and hugged Honey Lemon looking some warm. Fred house was ridiculously big and any of you could believe it was Fred's house. The conversation with the gang ended up suspecting about Alistair Krei was that Kabuki man, Hiro was so strange when he said he would upgrade all of you and you all agreed that someone had to catch the one who started the fire where Tadashi died. All of them worked on what skills they have and you heard them on the design on theirs suits, Hiro was the last word on the design because only him knows what he can do on his lab and you feel like old times. It was refreshing and inspiring and the fact that Hiro and you could talk again was the best part. And when everybody had their suit you looked at Hiro waiting for yours.

-What are you looking at? -he laughed a little nervous, you even said he blushed.

-Where's my suit? -you were so excited about it, you can't wait.

-Oh, your suit -Hiro didn't look at you, he was evading your eyes- I didn't do it.

-What? We were working on it! You said... -and then you realized it- You don't want me here.

-What? (Y/N) That's not true.

-You're pushing me away, again -he tried to denied it but you cut hum- You did this all the time! Why I still believing in you?

-(Y/N), I don't... You don't understand.

-I understand everything. You just were my friend because of Tadashi -you can feel tears forming on your eyes and your voice broking- You don't want to be my friend anymore?

-I don't said any of that! You're getting me out of context. Let me explain...

He tried to approach to you but you pushed him away from you and hugged yourself.

-No! I don't want more lies! I tried everything, Hiro, to cheer you up but you ignored me and when I thought we started being friends again... I don't want you to hurt me anymore.

You were crying now and Hiro looked terrible because of that, he didn't know what to do to calm you and was looking around to think something.

-I... I didn't want to hurt you.

-I wish Tadashi were here, not you.

You know from the moment those words escapes from your mouth that you will regret that forever. Hiro looked hurt first and then angry.

-Get out of here! I don't want you in my house! Never!

-I hate you! -you shouted leaving the garage but you could heard Hiro's last words.

-I wish aunt Cass never took us to your house! I wish I never met you!

That words hunted you all day and night. Your parents didn't know why you spend those days crying in your room, you were hurt and heartbroken and you knew perfectly that you have the fault. Also you knew that Hiro and the gang were busy with that Kabuki man so you thought you shouldn't bother them. You were alone, again, and you thought you deserved it. You received a message from Honey Lemon telling you to call her and when you did it, you were surprised.

-And Hiro just left you there?

-Don't worry, Fred called Heathcliff to pick us but we're worried about Hiro. Could you check if he's at his house?

-I don't know if I should... He don't want me there anymore.

-Look, I don't know what happened between Hiro and you -that was Gogo voice- But I know something about you. You two are the best friends I've ever seen, ok? And no matter what problem you have between you, you are always there for each other. Ok? So go there and check him because he wasn't himself and he needs you even if he didn't know it yet. Got it?

-But...

-Stop whining. Woman up -she said before hanging up.

At that moment you heard a noise at the street and saw how Hiro and Baymax landed and went to the garage. You took all the courage you have and send a message to Honey Lemon "I got him". When you reach the garage you were hesitant until you heard them.

-Yes! No! I don't know! Open you access! -that was Hiro's voice.

-Is this what Tadashi wanted? -and that one was Baymax's.

-It doesn't matter!

-Tadashi programed me to aid and...

-Tadashi's gone!

You were crying when you stopped hiding and called him.

-Hiro?

-(Y/N)? -he was crying too.

Neither of you moved, just stare at each other in silence. Then Baymax said:

-Tadashi's here.

-No -mumbles Hiro looking at the floor- He's not here.

Then Baymax started to reproduce a video about Tadashi building Baymax and his failed tries. He was so optimistic, and excited and tired but he never give up. You were crying again at the sight of your friend and approached to Hiro who was looking at him too.

-Oh, man. Wait till my brother and (Y/N) see you. You're gonna help so many people, buddy. So many. That's all for now. I am satisfied with my care.

The video stopped with the image of Tadashi smiling and Hiro took his hand to his brother face.

-I miss him -he said.

-Me too -you whispered looking at him- He was like a brother to me.

-He was my best friend -he didn't looked at you.

-I know... And you're mine -you surprised him and now he looked at you when the image switch off- And I hurt you and I know I said things and I am so sorry for that. I was so frustrated and upset and only thinking on me but you were suffering too and... -you stopped yourself because you were crying so much that you can't speak.

-I'm sorry too. I should talk to you before but I was scared that you would be angry with me and... -he signed- I don't regret aunt Cass forced me to go to your house to meet you, (Y/N). Actually I'm grateful.

-I... Do-don't hate you -you said between cries.

Hiro smiled at you and hugged you and you cried in his arms.

-Those who suffer a lost, require support from friends and loved ones -said Baymax.

You both laughed at this and break the hug to look at each other.

-I didn't build you a suit because I don't want you get hurt. I was trying to protect you because I can't lose you too, (Y/N).

-I understand now -you nodded smiling but then punch his arm- Next time, talk to me! Got it? I'm here for you, you stupid genius butt!

-I don't get it -he rubbed his arm- I'm a genius or a stupid?

-You're impossible!

-But you love me!

He started tickling you and you hopped he didn't notice your blush or at least think it was for the laughs.

-I knew you'll make it -Gogo voice stopped both of you.

-The all team again! -celebrate Fred.

They show you a video that they get on that spooky island and then explain to you what you discovered there. Callahan was that Kabuki man and he was taking revenge of his daughter.

The gang prepared for his next move and you helped them, givin to Gogo her bubblegum, her bag to Honey Lemon and when Hiro took his helmet you took it from his hands.

-You're gonna be careful, right?

-I promise -he smiled to you and you believe him so you put him his helmet.

-I'm trusting you, Hiro. Just come with me again.

-I will always come to you, (Y/N).

He seemed like he would say something more but Wasabi called him so he smiled at you one more time and went with the guys. You were left on the garage and use Hiro's computer to use the satellites that Hiro had hacked when he was working on Baymax scan to see what was happening. You were so proud of then when they make it to trick the bad guy and left him without the microbots. But when you saw Hiro and Baymax going on that weird portal thing you freaked out and couldn't take it anymore more. You run to your house, it was your dad free day but you needed him.

-Dad! I know it's your free day but I know where you can get a big new.

-What are you talking about?

-I'm talking about the biggest new your newspaper have never seen. Believe me.

And he believed you so he take you on his car to Krei Tech just in time to see Hiro getting out that portal thing. Your dad started to interrogate to Krei and Callahan and the police and ambulance were starting to park so you take advantage of that to run to Hiro without anyone noticed it.

-Hiro! -you jump to hug him- You made it! You came back.

-I... I promised you, didn't I?

He hugged you with a arm but he sounded sad so you looked around and that's when you noticed it.

-Where's Baymax?

He just looked at the ground without answering.

-We need to take you out of here.

The gang hides away and Heathcliff took them away while you came back with your father.

After a few days things went to normal or at least as normal as they can be. Hiro went to university with the guys and you were so proud of him while you still were going to high school but now you pass all the afternoon and evening with them at the university, Fred said you were the new pet of pet's university and you didn't complain him because it was funny. And then one day Hiro came running to the gang with a chip in his hand: it was Baymax's chip, the original! And he was so excited about it so you help him with whatever he needed, even if was only giving him gummy bears.

-I think I get it! -shouted Hiro waking you up from his desk.

You fall asleep on your sketchbook again. Since Tadashi's death you didn't draw anything good but now Hiro helped you drawing again. He worked with you and now you didn't care that his head suddenly appeared on your shoulder when you were drawing, in fact you blush and feel this weird thing because he was so close to you.

-What? -you rubbed your eyes approaching to Hiro.

-Let's try! Ow?

With that, the robot go out his container and said:

-I am Baymax, your personal healthcare companion. Hello, Hiro.

He was so freaked out that he jumped and screamed. You both were celebrating til Hiro took you by your arms and kissed you. On the lips. Your lips just touched but that was enough. He pushed himself away, blushing hard and mumbling excuses while you were so surprised that you didn't do or said anything.

-(Y/N)? I'm sorry? We can forget about this if you want.

That's when you wake up and blinked looking him like he was an alien.

-You're crazy? -you were blushing while you speak- There's no way I'm forgetting my first kiss. Furthermore when I like it.

-You did? -he smiled his eyes full of hope and excitement again.

-I like you.

-You do?

-Stop asking, you stupid brain of circuits...

You have more things to say to Hiro but he interrupted you with another kiss and then smiled you with that sly smile that you really loved.

-I knew you loved me.

-No, you didn't, you little bastard.

-You're spending so much time with Gogo -he laughed while you throw your tongue to him just for him to catch your mouth with a deepened kiss- I love you.

You blushed abruptly because of the kiss and his words.

-I... I said I like you -you mumbled.

-I know but I love you since last year -he simply said with his sweet smile- That's why I was so mean with you. I was jealous of Tadashi.

-You're a weirdo, you know?

-But you love me, just you don't realize it.

You were feeling that thing again, the blush doesn't go away from your face and you suspected Hiro was delighted with that fact.

-I'm going to kill you.

-Death is a thing I can't take care of-said Baymax pointing with his hand.

-It's just an expression, buddy-answered Hiro, smiling.

-Don't be so sure about that.

#bh6 wasabi #bh6 fred #big hero 6 #big hero six #tadashi hamada #bh6 tadashi #hiro hamada #hiro hamada x reader #hiro x reader #tadashi hamada x reader #tadashi x reader #disney #fanfic #Y/N #hiro x y/n #hiro hamada x y/n #tadashi x y/n #tadashi hamada x y/n #hiro and tadashi

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raexx · 4 years ago

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I’m finding the path back to my love of reading and writing. But I find it so hard and I’m almost at the verge of giving up.

A little context.

I loved reading when I was a kid. I think it started when I saw my cousin reading an old tattered Nancy Drew book which she borrowed from our school library.

I didn’t know that those nearly moth-eaten pages of Nancy Drew books were my ticket to an entirely different universe.

I fell in love; the way my imagination ran free with every word that I read was a different kind of experience that I wouldn’t dare trade.

Apparently, for me, reading and writing went together, hand-in-hand. I started creating alternate endings and scenarios for the stories that I read. The stories that I created comforted me but I was too shy to actually breathe these stories into life and share them with others.

In time - with sufficient support from my friends and family - I became more confident with my stories. I started writing fanfiction during highschool. I wrote fanfics for Maximum Ride and Mortal Instruments. (They were all published in fanfic.net btw)

For what felt like a long time, I was really proud and content with my work. (This was around 2010-2014)

Came college (2014-2018) I didn’t have much time to write. But I did manage to squeeze some books to read here and there.

Then, real life responsibilities happened. I got busy. (2018- early 2020)

Too busy to the point that I forgot what it felt like to open a book, get lost in its world, and extend that world and make it my own.

Please do take note that at this point I have (by the looks of it) completely abandoned my love for reading and writing.

But there were attempts! I tried to read. But I could never get past even half of the book. When it came to reading, my attention span decided to short circuit.

Fast forward to 2020. It’s a known fact (based on my blog) that I slipped into the diamond life. I became a Carat (not a single regret can/ will be found).

I got into stan twitter and was exposed to a completely different culture. To be honest, it took me a while to adjust.

When I settled, I saw that there were accounts that created social media alternate universes (socmed aus) for their idols.

Long story short, I found myself enjoying the different stories that they wrote.

No other thought ran in my head except: I was reading again.

The format was different from what I was used to. But as long as I was happy, it didn’t matter. I welcomed it with open arms.

Moving on to a more recent timeline (late 2020), I unconsciously started creating my own socmed aus. Although, I never had enough guts to give physical birth to it. They remained vaulted in my thoughts for safe keeping.

Not until early this 2021. I woke up one day and decided to give my socmed au a try. I wrote and created conversations the way they were formatted in socmed aus.

I would be lying if I said that it was easy at first. To actually think that it’s been years since I last wrote and that I’d be writing in a different format.

There were days that I found it incredibly easy to type the words and make my story flow. But more than half of my socmed writing experience consisted of me procrastinating, plotting it all in my head and not actually write it down, and just staying mad and disappointed at myself for even trying to start something that I’m not even sure I could finish or even give justice to.

So here I am, running to tumblr to express my sentiments with the hope that I could find inspiration to actually write something and not have the urge to delete my socmed au.

I honestly don’t even know if what I just said made any sense but writing my thoughts kinda helped ‘cuz I’m feeling a lot better now.

#seventeen #socmedau #writing #stantwitter

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avengerscompound · 5 years ago

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Like Rabbits - Chapter 1

Like Rabbits: A Black Widow/WinterHawk Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing: Natasha Romanoff/F!Reader for this Chapter, series is also a WinterHawk Series

Rating: E Square: @ladiesofmarvelbingo - M5 Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow

Word Count: 1596

Warnings: a little angsty a little fluffy, sex talk. Pregnancy and smut for the series.

Synopsis: While you and Natasha are contemplating starting a family together, Bucky and Clint are doing the exact same thing. So two couples go take the same path to parenthood together.

A/N: This series will have chapters focused on either Natasha and Reader or Clint and Bucky. This is a Natasha/Reader chapter. I don’t like using y/n, so the rare time's that people refer to reader they use pet names that have to do with rabbits. Not sure who this series will appeal to, except me, so here we go.

Chapter One

When you had met Natasha Romanoff there were a lot of things you hadn’t expected. You hadn’t expected that you’d become really close friends. Yet that had happened really quickly and surprisingly naturally. Natasha stays closed off to new people right up until a point where she decided you were her person and now she was going to adopt you and protect you like some tiny yet ferocious mama bear.

You also hadn’t expected that random hook-up you had in the armory. It had been one of those ‘tensions were high’ situations and arguing about keeping safe had turned into kissing, which had turned into hot passionate sex, pressed up against the wall, while the weapons rattled on their racks around you.

You hadn’t expected that hook-up turning into some kind of casual friends-with-benefits situation. It took a month or so from the first time before Natasha and you slept with each other again. The second time it was almost more out of boredom while you were hanging out together one day. Then a week later she asked if you wanted to do it again. Then a week after that you went to her. And then, and then, and then. Eventually, it was a couple of times a week and you were experimenting with all kinds of things. Wax and blindfolds. Toys and bondage. Natasha had quite the collection of devices for which to cause pleasure and pain and together the two of you had tried every single one of them.

You definitely hadn’t expected feelings to get involved. Hers more than yours. You hadn’t expected her to start taking you out for breakfast when you’d spent the night over. Nor had you expected the dinners or movies, or going to the park and sitting under a tree while she played with your hair. Or how the rest of the team began to refer to each of you as the other’s girlfriend. Nor when she started calling you her girlfriend too.

You hadn’t expected the ‘I love you’. And nor had she given the way she covered her mouth and looked at you wide-eyed when it had slipped out. Though, if you were honest, the ease at which you had returned it, had not surprised you one little bit. But that point you had fallen deep down the rabbit hole. You were totally and completely in love with Natasha Romanoff.

You hadn't expected the talk to turn to moving-in together. Nor how after you had agreed that living together was nice that the talk to turn to having kids.

Kids were on Natasha’s mind a lot. The Red Room had rendered her infertile, yet the mama bear of the Avengers really did want that, as much as she was loathed to admit it. She knew she could get by without but she wanted them and it made her angry and guilty and upset that the choice had been taken away.

To begin with, the talk had been a warning. This is a thing that can’t happen. If you are with me, we will never have children. That has been taken from me. Besides… look at what we do. Kids don’t fit that.

It became a thing she lamented. A desire that couldn’t be fulfilled. Something that she wished could happen but obviously never could, but maybe if things were different the two of you could be that typical couple with your two kids and your dog and your cat, pushing your stroller through the park and stopping to get ice cream.

Then it became a what if? A list of ways it might actually be possible for the two of you now. Adoption or just randomly collecting some stray teenagers the way the Avengers did some time. Or maybe a surrogate. Or you could have the baby. You go to one of those sperm banks.

“What about James or Clint?” Natasha asked.

You hadn’t expected the question. It had come out of nowhere with no context and really could have referred to anything. The dumbass duo as Natasha lovingly referred to them, or sometimes her two imbecile exes, had been dating for a little longer than you had Natasha had been. And given how close they were to her, the four of you spent a lot of time together. So ‘what about James or Clint?’ could refer to anything from ‘do you think one of them ended up in hospital today?’ to ‘maybe we should call them to come to hang out.’

“What about them?” You asked.

“Maybe we could ask them to knock you up?” Natasha suggested.

You snorted. Of all the things you had been expecting to hear, the suggestion that one of Natasha’s ex-boyfriends get you pregnant was not what you had expected. “What?”

“I mean… be donors.” Natasha said. “I did date them both. They’re my best friends so they might help us because of that. And they’re good guys… I don’t think they’d be all like ‘having a baby with an ex, that’s bad news’ or anything.. And they have some good genes. They’re both really smart. Clumsy as fuck, sure. But fit and agile. Funny. Plus, because they’re in our lives, they’ll be in their life. And they’ll be good for them.” The more she spoke the more excited she got. This was her answer. The way she got to have everything she never let herself want. She had the extended family she’d grown up wanting. She had a loving partner that she never expected to get. Now she wanted the baby to raise in the way she wished she could have.

“Them you mean, the hypothetical baby?” You asked.

She lay down with her head in your lap and nuzzled at your stomach. “Yes. I mean… do you want this? I know … I know I have been selfish when I fantasize about this. I know it was always me bringing it up. That if we have a biological kid it’s going to be yours and you will need to do the carrying.”

“Tash, honey. Calm down.” You said, leaning down and rubbing your nose against hers.

“Sorry, zaika,” Natasha said and let out a breath. She cupped your jaw and pulled you into a kiss. You hummed softly into her lips and leaned into her hand. When she pulled back she looked down into your eyes, the green of her’s soft and full of hope “Let’s start from the beginning. Do you want kids? Would you like to be a mother?”

“Natasha, being with you, has felt a little like a ride I’ve been on. It’s been exciting and unexpected and every time I think it’s about to end, it just curves left and keeps going. I’ve loved every minute of it. But I never expected it to get to this point where we’d seriously be discussing this.” You explained. As you spoke Natasha’s face fell like she could see all these things that she had finally hoped for thanks to you, being taken away from her. “The truth is, I do want them. I had always seen myself as a mother. Just like you are just this natural mama bear. But I met you and you said it couldn’t happen. And… I fell for you so hard that it didn’t matter. You … Us… we were more important to me than the idea of some hypothetical child that may never have existed anyway. And you’ve been bringing it back but in this ‘maybe one day when we’re settled’ way. It still felt like a dream. Do you want this now? Because so much will have to change if we do. We can’t stay at the compound. Not with kids. We’d need to put up Avenging rules. Not both of us a the same time on a mission.”

Natasha sat up and looked at you directly in the eyes. “Zaika, I would retire,” she said, seriously. “I would give up Avenging if it meant I could be a mother.”

You leaned her forehead against hers. “And you really want to ask dumb and dumber?”

She snorted. “Hey, I can call them that! You can’t!” She said and started tickling your sides.

You squealed and kicked your legs, falling on the couch and pulling her down on top of you. “Tasha! Stop! Stop it!”

She let her hands settle and ran one up to the back of your neck. “Yes. I mean, I’d do anything really. I don’t know if they’ll let us adopt though. Not with what we do or who I am. But there’s nothing stopping us from asking our friends for a sample.” She stroked her thumb down the line of your jugular. “We could maybe talk them into giving it to us the fun way.”

“Natasha!” You giggled, though to be fair you did like the sound of it. Like Natasha said, they were good looking and athletic. It could be fun.

“Oh, like you’ve never thought about it.” She teased. “Plus it would only be fair. You’re the only one that hasn’t slept with all the others.”

You broke down into hysterical laughter and pulled her into a tight hug. “God, I love you so much, Tasha.”

She nuzzled into your neck. “I love you too, Zaika.” She hummed. “Are we really doing this? Are we going to have a baby?”

“Yeah, Natasha. But… don’t get your hopes too high. They might say ‘no’.” You warned.

“Mmm… I know,” she said pulling back and looking into your eyes. “But, they might say ‘yes’.”

// NEXT

#ladiesofmarvelbingo19 #natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #black widow fanfic #winterhawk #fanfic #fanfiction #reader insert #pregnancy #like rabbits #femslash #femslash saturday

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rigelmejo · 4 years ago

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If you happen to learn like me (I guess try it out, see if it helps), then I cannot emphasize this enough: read.

Read early. Read immediately. Read when you know 10-50 words in the language, even that early.

It will motivate you to learn more words - then read as you learn more words. And get you used to a few things immediately: you’ll see grammar immediately, often, and if you read a grammar guide then all those grammar points will be constantly reinforced as you read and see them again. And 2: you’ll be training the skill OF reading from the very beginning.

There’s multiple parts to reading. One part, is having the actual knowledge necessary to read something - do you even know the words in the text (or have the ability to look them up), do you even recognize the grammar enough to identify what it’s function is meant to be (or at least enough to look it up)? This is one part.

The other part is how you parse through that information. How used you are to seeing the grammar - so that you can recognize what you’ve previously studied, so that you’re used to how it works and can read through it without pausing to think about it. So that you can recognize when words are being used as nouns or adjectives or verbs, recognize proper nouns, recognize what are key points versus details. Whether you need a dictionary for some words/a grammar reference, or you already ‘know’ enough to read without reference - the ability to process what you read will still be weak if you have not practiced it. But if you’ve been practicing it, then like everything else, it gradually gets better.

When you do both parts at the same time - then when your knowledge of grammar/words is weak, you can rely on your ability to ‘process’ to help make the text easier to figure out. If your ability to process something is low (maybe its difficult), you can rely on your knowledge of grammar/words to help you figure out the text. If you work on both, then you can have them both supporting each other as you improve reading.

---

In theory, maybe you could ‘only’ practice the processing, and rely on word/grammar lookups constantly until it got easier - a difficult road though, probably. Likewise, many people wait until they know X amount of words before trying to read - and as a result they have zero practice ‘processing’ this language reading material, and sentences they know every word for still don’t make sense and feel difficult. Doing both is difficult at first - just like doing one alone would be. But if they’re done together, then they also improve together, and so the middle stages of reading skill feel much easier than they might otherwise.

If you know 2000 words but have no idea how to process text, even graded readers are going to feel painful at first. If you’ve been making yourself practice processing text, even back when you only knew 500 words? Then by the time you get to 2000, processing is also at a relative intermediate stage. And the biggest difficulty is generally just lack of vocabulary - which is easy to lookup with a dictionary. Whereas, you can’t ‘look up’ anything to improve processing skill. You can lookup knowledge you lack. But the only way to improve processing skill, is TO read, and to keep practicing reading.

I remember how difficult reading used to be. It’s still not ‘easy’ like french is easy yet, but its happily following the same trajectory reading french (or I imagine even english when I was young) did. I rememeber the first few months, grammar absolutely anihilated me. Even though I’d ‘studied’ it recently. I sort of knew all these grammar points in theory, I just had no idea how to process them in practice. I could look up words all I wanted, to fill in my gaps in knowledge. But I couldn’t improve my processing except by reading. And just over time... grammar got so much easier. It just clicked, a few points making sense at a time. Then those points getting easier for me to recognize faster, then those points getting intuitively understood. Etc, as it happened with more.

Likewise - I could learn words, but it was hard to process all the ways they were used, until I practiced processing them more. Even if I looked words up, even in sentences with grammar I could process, some words just did not make sense to me in their context. Then just over time, more and more made sense. I used to be very confused by ‘weile’ and ‘zhexie/zhege/zheshi’ as some basic examples. Or later words like ‘kanqilai’ and ‘qilai’ and ‘yihou’ ‘yiqian’ ‘dao’ etc. Eventually they made more sense, and then more did in more context, etc. All just from reading practice. I couldn’t read a definition to get these words to make more sense, I just had to read more.

I’m still noticing these areas of processing getting better over time. But I do remember, back when I tried reading 3 paragraphs of the MoDaoZuShi intro in like month 5? I looked up all the words, recognized the grammar, and understood nothing. Then in like month 8? I read the prologue with no dictionary and guessed at the unknown words, and knew enough to understand the gist and most of the details. Mostly, because those things I knew before just ‘processed’ better in month 8.

over time, subtitles got easier to ‘process’ so now I don’t have to pause them as often to figure out what they mean (parse through the sentence for meaning).

Now most novels don’t hit me with any sentence that I can’t at least figure out with a dictionary. I’m still stumbling over some things, but now since I can process overall a lot of things better - I have more surrounding understanding to help me figure out the more confusing parts. Like right now, I’m really struggling with PRECISELY how ‘yu’ and ‘you’ get used. As in ‘yu’ by/with/at/for, ‘you’ - by/done by etc. I roughly understand these words - I know their definitions, and I can roughly guess their meaning in sentences and follow the plot. But because they do mean slightly different things in various contexts, I clearly just need to see them more and more in examples before they’ll ‘click’ and be easier to process too. I have to say though... its way easier to focus on these words/grammar points, since I have so much surrounding understanding. If I had just waited for X words learned before starting reading? Then I’d be learning ALL the processing skills from point 0. That would be... discouraging.

In a way, I already waited to long to start reading as much as I sort of WISH I had. I read about once every 2 weeks, until month 8. It was only in month 8, that I started reading roughly a few times a week - and reading full chapters per sitting, instead of just several paragraphs. As a result, it WAS brutal at first. Because my processing skills were clearly lower than my vocab. I tried graded readers, and even though I knew all the words, they were a struggle to read. So, as my typical silly self, I picked a webnovel instead - with even MORE unknown words, even Harder. I read 15 chapters of it. Which was hard... but clearly helped. Then I went back to the graded readers, and they were a breeze - so I’d clearly built up some processing skills.

After that, I again brutally myself, decided to try reading a harder print novel I owned. That was... again, brutal. Then I went back to the webnovel? And the webnovel was notably easier! Again, those processing skills had built up some more, and I’d probably picked up some more vocabulary as well.

And its basically been repeating since then - a much quicker rate of progress, where it seems a significant amount easier every 2 months or so. I feel like I’m at like - the reading level I had in 4th grade in english? I was in one of those accelerated reading programs, so we’d read some middle-school level books by looking up like 20 words before each chapter and then having to read X amount a week. A bit challenging, definitely compared to whatever the 4th grade reading level was supposed to be (I remember liking Catwings and Bunnicula a lot which I think was my 4th grade level, and I feel like chinese graded readers I’ve been picking up feel like Bunnicula in difficulty). But also, back when I was that young sometimes I’d pick up my dad’s big huge Mitchner novels like ALASKA or his Sherlock books, and I’d read a few pages - they’d be super difficult to understand, a little painful, so I’d only read a few pages. But I’d usually understand the gist. And I’d pick up some of my moms books on Aliens and supernatural stuff, and mostly read the captions on the pictures, maybe a paragraph or two. I feel like my chinese reading level is around this right now. I can pick up adult novels and it hurts, but I can follow whats going on without a dictionary roughly. And with a dictionary, decently. I can pick up ‘teen’ level books and follow them easier, but need a dictionary for total understanding of all details. And I can pick up graded readers and they’re basically extended reading, if they’re at a low enough level (like HSK 4 vocabulary wise, to maybe 2000 words - after 2k words, I run into more and more I need a dictionary for if I want to follow details).

---

anyway yeah. I remember in french I started reading at 50 words, then 100, then 500, and just kept reading. And it just ‘magically’ got easier. And I sort of did that with chinese, and am so glad I did. I wish i’d done it even more. I’m doing it more now.

It felt so good last night, to be able to just binge a few chapters of a fanfic in chinese, without feeling drained. It felt so good to be at the reading level where I can look up words I need to fast enough to not slow me down enough that I lose interest.

don’t wait until you’ve ‘prepared’ enough. don’t wait years. i waited years in japanese to read, and it was the biggest thing holding me back. i didn’t wait in chinese, and in part reading MOTIVATED me to study what i needed FASTER. It certainly helped my processing skills. And when processing skills are higher, reading overall is just less painful. A dictionary can lessen the pain of not knowing enough vocabulary. But only reading practice can lessen the pain of processing skills being weak. And - if you start to read later, it’s fine. Its okay if it seems ridiculously difficult at first, that will pass. Its just you working on the processing skills, and as those develop reading will go up to feeling mostly only as difficult as the vocabulary.

#rant #READ #is my point #it was THE single thing that taught me french pretty much #i dropped the dictionary at like 1k words in french #everything else i picked up from reading #just brute force reading a ton #and surprisingly #brute forcing through reading in chinese?#has also been a pretty successful study method

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