#just damn hit in a weird way
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wow i just fell down a celiac rabbit hole from one of the fb groups im in (yeah remember i am old) and holy fuck I did not expect it to hit like that people were talking about eating things they know will hurt them when they’re depressed and the inverse of that, being too afraid to eat anything at all and it’s like where do we go from here there’s this entire community just getting poisoned so easily and casually every day all the time and there’s just nothing to combat it and people go a good portion of their lives if not their whole lives not even being diagnosed and it’s like no this destroys our insides and can give us cancer in the long run and yet ? you go to the doctor and they say “awwwww sorry have you considered not eating gluten?” and you’re like have you considered what that looks like in the world we live in? it looks like over researching every restaurant and asking questions that make you look like an asshole. it looks like not being able to go places out drinking bc there’s nothing to eat. it looks like begging your friends to accommodate your diet. it looks like someone not taking you seriously enough and cross contaminating you and then you’re down for weeks until your body recovers. it looks like six fucking dollars for a loaf of bread and never ever being able to buy cheap noodles or fast food ever again. it looks like being concerned about eco friendly take away boxes because they’ve started making them out of wheat husks - and they SAY it’s not a significant enough amount to cause a reaction but it is. it really fucking is. it looks like eating things that are marked gluten free, even endorsed by the fucking celiac foundation, only to find out there’s wheat starch or some other thing in there you can’t have. it looks like not being able to have oats either bc they grow oats and wheat in the same fields opposite seasons. i don’t have a succinct way to end this lmao it just sucks
#sh#Ed#self harm#disordered eating#eating disorder#? ig#just damn hit in a weird way#and like it goes even beyond food lest we forget the dry shampoo incident of ‘23
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Mcr, that one band where people get sad about voting on which member we like the most and which album we like the most, bc all the members are equally important and all albums are equally important so we try to figure out other ways to decide what we like the most, bc we suck at choosing between the four albums and the four members
#always have a hard time choosing between the members and between the albums#but i tend to say gerard bc im a fan of his solo music and his comics and his weird ass vibes#but then i feel bad bc if i enjoy the rest equally as well within the context of mcr#and then im like “damn :((( i wish i could've picked all of them though :((( ”#whilst with the albums#im like “okay i love bullets some of my coping songs™️ are on there”#“but revenge hits the hardest emotionally”#“and tbp is the best sonically and feels the most cohesive somehow”#“but danger days has my favourite songs”#“tho revenge feels more representative of mcr”#“but so does tbp but in a different way”#“hm. imma pick tbp since it's the one i pick when i get violently back into the mcr mood™️”#“if i enjoy.” i just meant “i enjoy” fuckass “if”#the way all members of mcr means something to me cant be understated. all of them have shaped me as a person. all of them have inspired 1/2#me in one way or another#mcr#my chemical romance#gerard way#mikey way#frank iero#ray toro#mcr gerard way#mcr ray toro#mcr frank iero#mcr mikey way#mcr my beloved
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Day 238 | id in alt
Not her fault she makes nails sound like bullets, Shoko. She's just existing.
#dailykugisaki#jjk#kugisaki nobara#itadori yuji#shoko ieri#ieri shoko#idk which way it goes at this point im tired#Kugisaki holds her nails she is shown imbueing the nails last second sometimes.#if she was to do that more often then we would've seen some damn holes in some people because of the nails#she hits those things HARD and they go fuckin FAST bro#rewatching and the nails only get like one or two frames before they impact. them bitches GONE#Toji's gun watch out you gotta contend with a girl thats jusy batshit#woe slightly better quality shoko upon ye#she just always has ti serve. I ALWA HAVE TO MAKE MY SHOKO PRETTY BUT ALSO FUCKED UP HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND#her eyes are wide but you dunno i will make her eyebags so bad they're a feature#if yall have the vibe of “shoko wouldn't react like that shes more laid back.”#bro....shoko had to retrieve the body of the maid probably#guns bullet holes y'know that thing so ofc shed be weary y'know#traumatic responses are weird. even in the most laid back of people. you get me on that? hope so LMAOOOO#low quality Kugisaki beloved is just how it be
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i nearly anon'd the thorki non-con fic out of SHAME but in two weeks it's become my third most clicked-on fic of the year, behind only a multichapter fic and a bit of angsty sifki porn lololol
#this is about 560 hits btw which i know is not much for bigger fandoms and it's just that i tend to be in some weird niche but gosh!#i'd written thorki before but it wasn't e-rated so if the non-con tag really did work against it then wow no wonder ppl write this pairing!#you ever been to reddit where someone posts about how their latest fic only got 20k hits in a week and you're like “WTF”?#and it turns out they're in some hugely popular fandom and that's the least read fic for that pairing on the entire site by a mile.#that's like glimpsing a parallel universe. what a strange place. why would any fic ever have more than 1000 hits omg!#and 1000 would be for if you wrote something Surprisingly Popular. like e-rated thorki non-con apparently is.#meanwhile 'cockroboros' may only have 35 hits but every one of those 35 people agrees that i was right to write that thing!!#and me and the other 86 people who wanted to see missy interact with jamie moriarty are besties now <3#SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I TURN THE NUMBERS BACK ON OH NOOOOOO THIS WAY LIES MADNESS!!!#the sifki one had a bump recently which i must assume came from one of those 'recced it in a discord but never said a word' incidents.#those are increasingly common and i hope i am not alone in finding them ever so slightly creepy#if you're going to look at me you need to at least pat me on the head to cancel out the anxiety of that damn it!#*flashes back to when i hid that one ten'n'donna fic because nobody would tell me where all the readers were coming from*#fic related#anyway i think it's important to mention i wrote thorki non-con fic in case anyone following me thinks i am Unproblematic in some way.
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On both a watsonian and doylist level Dick Grayson is white passing
#Doylist: they only seem to remember he’s Romani when they have something weird and fetishy to say about it. The way he’s drawn in canon is#very much white passing most of the time most people who are not tuned into comic lore are not going to perceive him as a poc#Also just the fact that he was written as a white guy for like 60+ years does still have a lot of bearing on things#For example I remember seeing someone trying to have a conversation about how it’s weird that dc has this trend of having conniving#vixen seductresses of color who can’t help themselves from throwing themselves at/sexually assaulting white men and that maybe we should#engage with those stories more critically and someone chimed in with ‘well actually Dick is Romani’ 🤨. Girl you know damn well that’s not#what was going on there be serious bffr 😩#Watsonian: as much as I love and enjoy hitting characters with the melanin beam in canon he’s depicted as white passing most of the time#and it is reasonable to assume that he would go through life in American society being perceived as a white guy and most people#would not know or be able to guess his ethnicity at a glance unless he told them. Which could be an interesting thing to explore for his#character but then again we have to ask if dc is actually interested in writing him as Romani all of the time or only sometimes#tangent note- another thing you could explore with him is the differences in being Romani in America vs Europe#The American national consciousness is not all that aware of Roma people though obviously anti-Roma sentiment is still going to be a thing#here meanwhile from an outsider perspective it seems like the fastest way to activate the dormant hitler particles in the average#European is to mention Roma people so there’s definitely a difference there that could be explored#Dc#leaving character tags off of this lest I be slayed in the streets for this. Though I think everything said here is fairly reasonable
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me: this is too much exposition. you should not directly tell all the time. let dialogue and tone/body language descriptions do some of the work
also me: this isn't exposition it's literally the second paragraph of chapter one you're setting up the plot you gotta drop a little exposition
also also me:
#I go back and forth back and forth back and forth and then I do zero actual writing and it's bed time 🙃#I need to STOP fucking myself up but I can't. I used to trust myself. at least a little. when I'd write.#like I never approached it with a big ego. I was always sick to my stomach when I'd hit 'post' on ao3.#I was always like IS this good though?#but now I can't even get a rough draft out without sabotaging myself which is 🙃🙃🙃🙃#I don't know where this extreme self doubt came from. It's been plaguing me for over a year.#I abandoned 2 massive major wips in the last year that I had poured WEEKS into. FILLED notebooks.#and my self doubt consumed me and I was like I cannot do this. scratched out the notebooks.#deleted the word docs entirely#now I KNOW I have one that's good. I KNOW it is. I KNOW this cause I've thought up the WHOLE fic. all the way to the end#and I wanna read it so bad#and that's how I know like. I got a live one on the line baby#I just. freak out. and quit. and that's not me. I don't know why this is happening.#but it's really discouraging and tough#and I just wish I could drag myself outta this weird self doubt spiral#and write this damn fic cause I KNOW I CAN. or at least I COULD. a year ago? this would already be written#all like 9-10 chapter of it. it'd be done and up and I'd be like ha I did it!#now I'm fucked.#I'm now done venting for the night I give up sleep meds time 🤷♀️
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Day 27 - Memory - Altani - G
Summary: Altani’s echo manifested differently than her fellow warriors of light.
Ok so this one is basically just a summary so I don’t forget an idea I’ve had for a while, lol. Just like Krile’s echo gives her fancy empathy powers, I tweaked most of my WoLs’ echoes to give them a bit of extra flavor. Luvon’s was touched on/implied a bit in ‘tempest’ this year, and Cahsi’s was in ffxivwrite2022 I believe, I can’t remember the prompt, but it’s on ao3. So it’s time for Altani!
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Altani first saw The Starshower in her dreams around the time she met Mogren, almost got her brother killed, and that the entire village determined she was destined to be their next priestess and medium. It was a lively few weeks for sure, everything interconnected. She wasn’t even ten summers old yet, but even so, she understood deep in her bones that it was a turning point in her life. The gate was locked behind her, and whatever had awoken inside her was there to stay. Her life from then on would be full of deceit–lies she had to tell to others, and lies she kept all for herself.
She had no idea what her dreams meant. That they were a memory. That they would provide her an advantage on her path to greatness. The dreams were scary, and far too real, and instead of offering her comfort as she woke crying and screaming, the elders would praise her for unlocking the ability to see into death itself. They’d ruffle her hair and pat her on the back, telling her to keep training so she could convene with her ancestors and grant them wisdom. She kept up the farce for the sake of Mogren, who’d been mistaken as a spirit Altani regularly spoke to, but it was so much less and more than that.
In Altani’s head, The Starshower was always Capitalized, because it was very Important. She didn’t know why, but it was a feeling in her tummy she refused to ignore.
Sometimes she’d wake and remember in perfect clarity as the sky rained fire and desperate screams reverberated all around her. Never was she able to tear her gaze from the sky above, to witness who was with her, what the landscape looked like. It was just the dark red night full of smoke and embers, blazing bright trails falling toward her. It had to be stars. What else could be falling? What could cause such a thing to happen? What if the dream was an omen of things to come? What if it sucked her inside, and she became one of those falling stars, burning up before she could even hit the ground?
Other times, Altani would wake with a sense of unease, far more tired than was reasonable, completely tangled in her sheets as sweat coated her brow, and she just Knew that she had dreamt of The Starshower.
It would only make sense years later, after speaking with the Scions of the Seventh Dawn, that she wasn’t alone. There were others who witnessed The Starshower, and it granted them special gifts. That her nightmares were actually a boon, a gift from the goddess of the star herself. But it would be many years before that point, and not even Mogren could understand her plight as a child.
She turned it into a game, pretending The Starshower really was giving her the ability to delve into the lifestream and pluck stories and messages from long-dead tribe members. Each star that fell was just another of her ancestors coming by to say hello. They were already dead, so they couldn’t feel pain! The screams were actually high-pitched laughs. Her ancestors sure were silly, weren’t they, pulling a prank like that on her. It made lying to everyone easier, and sleeping became a little bit easier too. She was brave, and no way was The Starshower going to overpower her! The dreams became less frequent as she got older, and instead a few other types of visions manifested in her. It wasn’t often, but it did help with her priestess duties.
Every so often, when someone talked to her–most often when reminiscing about something from their past–she’d suddenly be swept away and forced to bear witness to the moment they were talking about. It was as though she were there with them, as though she could alter reality if she just reached out and tried (she couldn’t, of course. She was an invisible entity able only to watch, but in the beginning she had wanted to find out. Thank Hydaelyn it was just a memory; to warp reality would have been too much power for a child who wished to have control over something in her life to have.) She got to witness the truth, even if the teller couldn’t remember it correctly themself or were lying for one reason or another. The downside was appearing as though she had been spaced out for a few minutes, followed by a wicked headache, but it was easy enough to write that one to the villagers as ‘divine communication’. She often used this to her advantage later, recalling the collected memories to help give merit to her own lies that she wove for the villagers about their dead loved ones and advice for their future. The best lies had a grain of truth to them, after all. Rarer, by quite a margin, were visions Altani had no idea how to explain or what they even were. It wouldn’t be until her trip to Norvrandt, well into her adventuring career, that she would begin to understand. Once in a blue moon, something would trigger her to view whoever she was looking at or speaking to in a different light. It started like a memory, with her surroundings fading out and transporting her somewhere else, but instead of seeing the person the vision was about, she saw someone else. Altani didn’t have the gift of aethersight, but she had a feeling, an instinct, that she learned to accept. The vision was about a different version of the person. Sometimes they looked very similar to nearly identical to the person in question, while other times, their race, gender, skin or fur color–everything about them was different. Except the eyes. That was the one factor that didn’t seem to change. Whatever eye color the present person who triggered the vision had, there would be at least a hint of that same color in there for the person in the vision. Even if they changed into a creature with limited eye colors! As much as she’d hoped this was perhaps the key to unlocking real medium powers so she could talk to her ancestors, it wasn’t meant to be. She never met any of her ancestors that way, as most of visions she saw weren’t of au ra, nor did they take place in the Azim Steppe. The second type of vision was far more confusing and far less useful to her, so Altani didn’t much care for them, waiting for them to pass and observing only with a passing interest, for the most part. It was strange, being privy to other versions of people she met, when those same people had no idea about or access to those alternate realities. She tried not to dwell too much on those.
Some part of her wished she could have seen another Altani, though. Would they share her same gifts, her same curses? Would they be strong or weak, a natural crafter or a clumsy disaster? Were they a hunter, or a fisher, or a teacher? Would they become a parent, a merchant, a leader? Was their life a lie, forced to pretend they’re something they’re not to keep their village happy and their friend safe? Maybe they led a normal, mundane life, and would grow up to be nobody of import. Altani’s visions didn’t work on herself, so she’d never know what any other Altani was doing except herself. Maybe it was better that way, so she couldn’t become jealous of a life she couldn’t have.
When she became an adventurer, met her fellow Warriors of Light, and discovered they had similar experiences with The Starshower and being forced into people’s memories, she hid her relief behind false bravado and a strong clap on the back. It was like the weight of Hydaelyn had been lifted from her shoulders, learning her affliction had such a tiny, unassuming name as the echo. That there was an entire group of people studying it, and that this thing she’d been confused and frightened about and taking advantage of for so long already was considering a blessing from the goddess Hydaelyn herself. Hear, Feel, Think, indeed.This gift was shared among a select few, and they were often destined for greatness, which was all she strived for these days. She wanted to be strong enough to protect everyone without the power to do it themselves. She knew what it felt like to be powerless and scared, and so she would ensure to keep others from those awful feelings as much as she could.
While the others shared in most of the same echo traits, none of them ever saw those other versions of people or at least made no mention of it, so Altani kept that close to her chest. Only Mogren knew about that little trait, and they’d probably forgotten about it by now, since she only mentioned it a few times when she was younger and never again.
Luckily, she’d never had to deal with seeing other versions of her family of friends, but of course that changed when she started adventuring with those others who shared in the gift. Maybe it just triggered more easily for those who’d also seen The Starshower?
During one of her travels with Luvon, she’d had a vision that couldn’t have been of his past, as it took place in a gigantic forest unlike anything that existed on the mainland. Small streams of unnatural, sickly white light passed through the foliage and dappled the ground. She saw a young qiqirn and an older one carving tablets together. The younger had a yellow-green glint of excitement in their eyes as they speculated about what lay in the ruins, and what their home had been like before a flood of some kind. A fear years later is when that ‘memory’ clicked into place. Her moment of breakthrough came through after she was transported to the First. When all major threats were done being taken care of with Cahsi and Luvon, she was helping the Qitari unearth their history. Among the group in Hopl's Stopple, she noticed the pair she’d seen in her vision. Huh. So the person she’d seen in that vision was not a qiqirn at all, but their equivalent on the First, a qitari. Someone from a completely different shard… She observed them from afar, not wanting to barge in with nonsensical questions, but seeing how the little qitari acted and interacted with others, she could definitely see the similarities between them and Luvon. It was incredibly strange, but she’d come to realize by now that nothing was too strange for this universe.
Despite having fragments of the same soul, they were still their own people. She’d accepted that already with all the visions she’d seen throughout the years. Nobody acted exactly like their other version’s self, even if there were similarities. Ardbert was pretty different from Cahsi, for example. Altani could have smacked herself realizing one of her echo visions of either Cahsi or Ardbert were not about the memory of their meeting and showdown, but rather showing her that they were apparently versions of one another. That news sure might have come in handy before they had to defeat Emet-Selch–but then again, maybe not. Maybe it would have been even harder or weirder for Cahsi to let go. She’d made a close friend of the warrior in her time on the first, and had taken it hard when he had to leave. Altani had finally been able to meet him a few times before the end, thanks to some ingenious spellwork and alchemy on Cahsi’s part. It was sad that he had to rejoin Cahsi, but it was his own choice, and Ardbert had already been dead for so long, so that’s probably why he was able to do so in the first place. Altani wasn’t about to subscribe to the now-dead ascian’s idea that rejoining all shards of the soul into one was the only way to truly exist and lead a worthwhile life. From what she’d seen, other shards were doing just fine for themselves–independently!
That said, she was pretty sure if she introduced Luvon to his qitari counterpart, that nothing would happen unless one of them were to die. Maybe. She certainly didn’t want to test that, it was a horrifying thought. They’d probably stay two separate entities, none the wiser of their status as parts of one larger, more powerful soul at one point.
Really, this was all a lot to take in and think about, and nobody she wanted to discuss it with. It gave her a headache. One day, she’d figure this out with her friends. Maybe it was selfish to keep this from them, but she’d seen the heartbreak Cahsi went through with Ardbert, and she just felt it was best at this time. They had enough worries on their plate as it was.
#ffxivwrite2024#ffxivwrite#ffxiv oc#altani wu#ok I lost steam on this one very quickly lol but!#this wasn't meant to have any plot anyway and rather meant as a way for me to remember what I planned for Altani's special echo power! woo!#because I was flip flopping for a long time if I wanted her to just see past reincarnations of people oooor#the more ironic one that ended up being what I stuck with. Which was viewing a soul's other shard's versions#because that's like just so unhelpful for her charade of being able to speak to spirits#like yeah hi I got a glimpse of our family's souls#but THE WRONG ONES lmao#also the hilarity of being so confused for 20 some odd years then getting hit with the urianger speech about shards#and meeting another version of your friend from the source on the first and connecting the dots like WAIT I'VE SEEN U BEFORE WE MET. WHAT--#maybe after SHB/EDW she does tell her buds about her strange ability but until then that's one tightly kept secret bc it's too weird 4 her#I also had the silly idea of extending Altani's powers to seeing the multiverse#aka witnessing OG DnD Luvon and BG3 Luvon and being like damn. Why does your bf explode tragically in every universe lmao#that was more of a comic idea though that i have wanted to doodle for a while.#mango writes
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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Man I can't believe I had the chance to go to a performing arts school up through middle school and I fuckin quit after 6 months just because I got bullied. BRO YOUR HOMEWORK WAS POETRY!! YOU HAD TO PRACTICE DANCING TO COTTON EYE JOE AS YOUR BIG UNIT TEST. GYM CLASS HAD A CIRCUS UNIT!! YOU HAD A WHOLE DAILY CLASS ON IMPROV!!! YOU FOOL!! YOU ABSOLUTE IMBICILE!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A YOUTUBER!!! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN ONE OF THOSE TWEENAGERS GETTING LOADED BY MAKING SHITTY YOUTUBE SHORTS IN 2008-14!! But noooOoooOOOoo little miss Noellie (who WANTED TO GO!! who worked SO HARD and sent in an application essay and did an INTERVIEW to get in!!) couldn't handle disruptive classmates or little scuffles and petty grudges and general Attitude of the other students and cried to mommy to put her back in public school. I am EATING MY HAIR over what Could Have Been. I COULD BE SOMEONE'S ANNOYING YOUTUBER!! I could be a DISGRACED DISNEY CHANNEL STAR!! I could be an America's Got Talent winner! A mild to moderately successful comedian! I could be making short films!! But no no no precious thin skinned baby me heard a few new cus words and watched a teacher get heckled and begged to give up The Dream in favor of?? Quiet math tests?? I am such a fucking quitter I quit everything the second it gets too hard I always take the out as soon as it's offered what's my fucking damage.....
#I had SO MUCH POTENTIAL and I SQUANDERED IT!! weak ass third grade PUSSY! Your life could have been SO SICK!!#or you could at least be addicted to cocain or something interesting like that!! Boring ass goody two shoes always just staying home doing#NOTHING bitch make a REAL FRIEND go to a God Damn PARTY live a little instead of just hiding in the closet eating saltine crackers for years#waiting for it to be quiet outside before you ever even toed the line#mentally ill self-isolating motherfucker#you could have shrugged it off you could have GROWN A PAIR and FOUGHT BACK but you just ran and cried for mommy#victim complex little bitch baby always whining and exaggerating and making shit up fucking LIAR I am you and I KNOW what you did and I know#you knew it wasn't the truth and you regretted it the moment it came out of uour mouth but once you'd said it you just swallowed it back and#doubled down incriminating or discrediting others with your lies. For why? Because you didn't like them? You could have ruined someone's#life you wouldn't have hesitated mayhe you did and don't even remember because you cant keep your mouth shut with your pants ablaze#manipulative little shit and to WHAT END? Pity? Sympathy? Attention? Entertainment?? What was even going on in your stupid ugly head?#This is a callout post for my third grade self that possessed demon ass evil nine year old. That kid drowned anthills in olive oil and#poisoned a wild animal once. That kid cut plants just to see if they oozed. That kid modified her whole ass personality on a dime for a boy#she had a crush on. INSTANTLY dropped a LIFELONG CULTURAL ALLEGIANCE (thats what football teams were like back then in our town) because he#said he had the opposite allegiance??? What the fuck? girl had NO integrity none zip zilch.#No empthy either that kid looked at everyone else on earth like they were friggin space aliens and she was the only one with Real feelings.#bitch literally thought like 'I have Feelings they just have Reactions' bitch what the fuckkkkk#that nine year old was fucked the hell up!!!#and for literally NO REASON!! No cause!! Just born fucking evil and weird. jesus fuck.#Evil ass bitch caused her autistic brother months of nightmares and then laughed about it and wrote poetry about how evil he was because he?#was a kid??? Normal sibling rivalry taken way way way too far defamatory ass statements#and this girl had NO CONSEQUENCES because she could lie and manipulate her way out of ANYTHING she had the baby eyes and the helpless charm#and played dumb soooo well . read people like some calculative evil AI scanning their faces for microexpressions and overanalyzing each word#choice like holy shit. its not That Deep. pretentious shit trying to play 5D chess on a checkers board.#Manipulating shit just to see what happens?? zero awareness?? no asking just skipping straight to testing for yourself??#'What happens if I step on this' it fucking breaks 'what does that taste like?' it's not fucking yours to mess with 'if I hit this person#how will they respond?' they'll be upset use your goddamn judgement you are NINE not TWO do you even care a little about any other person??#Are you just living in some other reality???#callout post for the fucking demon child inside of me#im so goddamn problematic I'm so so so deeply mentally disturbed and broken for no reason
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do u ever have a dream that something bad has happened to someone u care abt so the first thing u do when u wake up is contact them somehow to assure they’re fine but then u spend the rest of the day feeling?? weird and hollow??? me post amygdala vid
#or do i just have really weird dreams#anyway. i know art is sometimes intended to be poignant and he’s expressed a desire for it to be loved and enjoyed for years to come#but i have to just. store this away in my brain somewhere (……irony)#what a privilege it is to be able to exist and have his art touch me in this way#cannot even find it in myself to joke this hit me rlly hard and i feel. gestures vaguely. weird and hollow#so I’m gonna go to bed JENDOWND and hope the comeback live cures me in the morn!#I thought his ig post would but I just got all bleh feeling like right in the center of my chest again 😭#OKAY ANYWAY DAMN GOOD NIGHT
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thought it'd be fun to watch some history documentaries before bed but it's hitting me in the way of 'im terrified and FASCINATED' and it's not even like terrifying stuff
maybe its the existential dread
#again its fascinating!!! but its hitting me weird#the one i'm watching is talking abt evidence of like#advanced civilizations way before what's like accepted as the norm now#and thinking abt people who lived that long ago#is just like. damn. time is fuckin insane#so i should probably stop#and turn something stupid on so i don't think anymore#but wow
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Still just sitting here wondering how i ended up finding a job that i enjoy???
Like around cool large reptiles? Taking photos? I mean, of people, and rarely squirrels much to everybody's dismay. But that?? Good coworkers? GOOD MANAGERS???
Where the hell am i and why is it good? Sure, the pay could be higher and god knows we need an anti fatigue mat or two in that office. But it's not bad at all. Just some pros and cons. Sacrifice some things for an actually pleasant environment.
#taks speaks#there was a literal argument between two others just before i came in#and somehow just me showing up leveled the damn room#like peace suddenly hits and the office is calm. no more tension.#all i did was exist#it was weird. but i guess that's the energy i'm bringing around nowadays#ntm i actually talked to the one person that i didn't think i'd get along with today#just casual food talk and whatever. dogs. etc. but actually talked#and had a whole thing with the guys outside where one commandeered my camera and supported an idea i had#he usually does this with my ideas. just goes for them#and apparently this photo spot that i've been staring at and haven't done anything about#bc it's a touch out of the way#is literally the perfect spot to have photos#this guy calls the other guy working out there to go and climb up to this exact spot#we take a few pics of him#and holy shit the balance of the trees around him was perfect#all while the manager was aware of this and watching#this was totally not what we were supposed to be doing. like he straight up got a call from another part of the park#that needed those two and was just 'you guys finish whatever that is and head that way'#meanwhile i was showing somebody who is not supposed to be taking photos how to use this advanced and professional camera#moments later. i notice the one who had the camera wasn't right behind me anymore and i hear 'okay if i ACTUALLY caught that butterfly'#in the most excited yet disappointed way followed by '...i'm still in pokemon snap mode'#i think i've found my people
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no one else's ☆ ( thirdyear!katsuki x fem!reader ) mdni | suggestive
Kirishima taps Katsuki on the shoulder very gently, looking embarrassed as he chokes out, “Your girlfriend fell asleep on the couch.”
Katsuki would’ve brushed it off with a snap that anyone could use the fucking couch who gives a fuck, but his eyes slide to Kirishima’s other arm holding a disgruntled Mineta up. Immediately, Katsuki’s gut twists in displeasure, the pencil in his grasp snapping in half.
“Did you fucking do something?” Katsuki hisses out, yanking Mineta’s collar to face the full brunt of his sneer.
“No!” Mineta cries out, having the nerve to sound disappointed. “No, I didn’t, dude. Get off me.”
And before Katsuki could kill Mineta right then and there, Kirishima swerves him out of the way. Don’t get your hero license revoked over him, Kirishima’s eyes seem to say.
“He’s telling the truth, man, don’t worry about it.” Kirishima then glares soundly at Mineta, disappointment evident. “He was acting weird, though. That’s why I got him.”
“Traitor,” Mineta says, wriggling uselessly mid-air.
“I’ll kill you,” Katsuki swears to him, before storming off, each step heavy with pure murder.
The rest of the class is smarter than Mineta. They avert their gazes and mind their business — or it could be that they can sense the unadulterated rage emanating from every pore of his body.
Yet as he reaches you, every trace of that same rage dissipates into the air. His eyes outline your body, dead to the world, shorts hiked up with one leg curved — laid unaware. No wonder some freak like Mineta wanted to prey on it.
Katsuki sighs. "Always giving me damn trouble," he mutters to your sleeping figure, snorting when there's an answering snore.
He heaves you up and off the couch, arms hooking under your neck and the back of your knees. Katsuki pushes past the living room, ignoring the curious stares of his classmates. They all know where he's headed — straight to his room.
You awake to a pinch on your thigh.
When you come to, Katsuki is staring at you heavily, hovering above you with your head between his hands.
"Kats'ki?" you croak out, words stringing together. "Wha's…"
Katsuki begins to crawl down, and down, until his knees hit the floor; until he's face to face with your legs. You're still swimming through the sluggishness limbo of being half-awake, lagging behind only moments after Katsuki. You feel his grip on your ankle; it tickles, it's warm.
He lowers his head and pins your knee down with a searing kiss. The sensation spreads to your entire body. You shudder, toes curling. Katsuki smiles against you, his hands sliding up to your thighs.
"Too early," you whine. But you don't push him off; you press against him closer.
"'s already 6 AM," Katsuki says, pushing your legs open.
The touch of cold air and the sporadic puffs of Katsuki's breath have you sinking deeper into the bed, pleasure crawling in every part of your body that he's taking by force, in the gentlest way possible.
Katsuki latches his mouth onto the inside of your thigh, inching deeper at your gasp. You suck air through your teeth, taking every control you have left not to snap your legs shut and force Katsuki out. When he pulls off, your thigh is left with a clear bruise. He doesn't stop there — he dives in again on a different point.
"As soon as we get our ass here," Katsuki murmurs against your skin, his breath hot on your evening-chilled skin, "I'm taking you out; we'll go apartment-hunting."
"W-what?"
"And you can wear whatever the fuck you want," he continues, licking at the mark, "or nothin' at all — I don't give a shit. No one else, just us. You hear me?"
You sit up, nearly knocking your knee against Katsuki's face. "You're asking me to move in with you?"
Katsuki scowls, the telltale sign of a blush creeping to his face. "You have other plans?"
"No, no," you cup his cheek, kissing the pout of his lips; "never, if it's not with you."
Katsuki appears satisfied, claiming your lips in a deep kiss. You draw away from each other with a stuttered gasp, heat pooling in your stomach at Katsuki's delighted gaze. "No turning back," he whispers. "Got that? This'll be no one else's."
Dizzy with need, you can only say, "Yes, yes. No one else's but yours, Katsuki. Now, please go back in between my legs."
#ᥫ᭡ dekuneho#&katsuki#bnha x reader#mha x reader#bakugou katsuki x reader#bakugou x reader#bakugo katsuki x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#bnha
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I mostly just scroll thru blog subs when im on mobile bc I follow too many ppl on here so I add mutuals etc there n then turn off notifs so it's like the creme de la creme of the dash anyway if u see me in ur notes more its bc I forgor to add some of u on there until recently sorry 😭😭
#i kept seeing some of u in my notes and i was like damn u guys have been rl quiet on the dash even tho ur active thats weird..#nope just wasnt seeing any of ur beautiful posting. my bad#ONL <- me on my hands and knees begging ur forgiveness#rly need to clean up my following list so my main dash is useable again..... 💀#maybe i should add it to my list of official chores for this weekend so i actually do it lol#.diaries#not done much this morning cuz i slept in n took my meds late.. but thats ok properly hitting my task list now#done 1 round of laundry got my med delivery n organised a bunch of stuff just tidying n cleaning now n then i have some laptop admin#n then i need to go out to town just debating maybe doing a closet sort first so i can take a bag of stuff to donate to charity w me hmm#and after im back ill food shop i have my meal plan for the next week done already. mm ill fit another round of laundry in too for sheets#and then tmr ill do a third for bathmats n teatowels etc. and polish boots/do my ironing while i watch a new movie or show..#awesome. i love being medicated i love being able to concentrate and get stuff done it feels so so good#i rly spent two wholeass decades unable to and thought that was that. god bless my adhd diagnosis for letting me access stimulants#even if i have to deal w this bullshit private shit atm its fine. ill be back on the nhs soon hopefully#and ill only need half of my script next month bc theyve sent me too much of one of them the last 2 months. so itll be way cheaper#i have like at least 3 months supply of my amfexa lmao and i dont even need it every day sometimes i skip it or take half instead#so it could probs stretch 5-6 months. but theyll only issue me 1 month of my elvanse at a time so i need to renew it more often 😔#considering taking a med break next weekend bc i just want to see how bad it would be. i can take my instant stuff if it rly sucks#and if its okay maybe ill take one day off meds every weekend when i dont Need to focus to get chores done etc#so that way i can gradually build up a buffer of med supply n also might be nice to have a day i can fully relax innit#not that i Can't relax on meds but it feels rly good to focus n get shit done n I don't get as much out of just lazin#anyway.... me and my 5 million tags as always
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my friends like invite him to go clubbing with us! i’m gonna club my brain in.
#personal#one i invited someone else already so im not gonna be like hey single friend lemme go off with whatever this dude is and leave you with#my friend you don’t know with her boyfriend#then that’s such a weird driving situation#like do we stick with the original game plan of having friends bf drive and then have that dude meet up or#do i have him pick me up and go pick up friend which insane to ask second hang out#ah!!!#and then it’s like well you’re only considering the second possibility bc you enjoy his company and wouldn’t mind him driving you home#which leads into like well. what is this.#cause yes we’ve been talking for like a few weeks#had a very nice date#talked about getting TESTED#is it like. are we. just talking are we hitting and quitting are we gonna be 🫣#which is like what do *i* want#which crazy enough! i actually really like this dude so i wouldn’t mind a relationship#but then it’s like okay. what if he doesn’t like me. or only wants sex. hnnnn#and now i’m embarrassed about everything like damn he fr saw me spam my insta im gonna kill my self#what’s the appropriate amount of time to respond to a message- not what’s the appropriate#to ignore than respond but what makes it seem like i’m not waiting by the phone#which novel experience outside of friendship#and i’m trying to logic myself out of it like hey. good experience whichever way this goes#you got some talking practice went on a proper date that wasn’t dennys that you half paid for after they explained their whole books plots#I CAN TALK MY LEGITMENT POLITICS AND BELIEFS.#experience. which great. doesn’t do anything the whole im fumbling feeling like at alll#this is mortifying and i hate it. like i cannot exaggerate it’s a little disgusting#oh and then okay he has the time and does go clubbing#I CSNT FUCKING DANCE.#and the WORST bit. is im kicking my feet and giggling when we’re talking like die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i’m getting butterfly’s listening to the playlist he made me#regardless how this goes i am not doing this again this is way too stressful
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God. I am so absolutely fond of my friends
#ravenpuff rambles#literally just sitting here and hit me that damn I feel so fond about these people in my life#and I don’t know if it’s weird or not but it’s true#in the most platonic way I adore them#fuck dude#I don’t know if they’re my people but I hope so
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