#just because I don't have the mental energy to deal with any hate comments

[kugamoogle]

I've seen a couple posts talking about combining Eustace/Sebastian's fan and official names together as a fun little compromise (which I love!!), and while most of the focus has indeed been on him because of his....interesting choice of surname, I've also seen almost as many posts talking about disliking Ray/Eddie's name change too—mostly due to the lack of subtlety with his new name and the erasure of the sword and shield motif, and wanted to share a compromise my friend and I came up with in case it helps anyone:

Eddie is short for Edmund.

Admittedly "Edmund" isn't a name I'm particularly fond of myself—I definitely prefer the way Raymond sounds and I think it suits his design better, but it shares the same root suffix—and subsequently a similar meaning—to "Raymond", with the ending suffix meaning "protector", and thus brings back some of the subtlety of his fan name. It's also not a perfect homage to the shield aspect, but personally I only recognized "Edgeworth" as being sword related at all after seeing the Japanese name (granted, I'm also dumb) so....make of it what you will ig.

Not a perfect solution (and I don't think I'm the first to come up with this specific idea by any means!), but since the majority of the complaints I've seen are about the meaning and the pun, versus issues with the actual name fitting his design or the sound of it, I figured it may help someone.

I will also agree he doesn't look like an "Edmund", but honestly that's just more of a reason for him to go by Eddie. Lol.

[allastoredeer]

I have no problem with al being a bottom, I just have a hard time with bottom king lucifer as a top. May I have examples to try and see your side?

Exhibit A:

Dat smirk.

Exhibit B:

Soft Top Lucifer

Exhibit C:

Demon Top Lucifer

Exhibit C:

That sexy shoulder bop

Exhibit D:

Look at this guy.

Exhibit E:

Obvious one.

Exhibit F:

I just wanted to post this one cuz I like his smirky little face.

LOL no, seriously though, there's no specific way a character has to act or behave to be deemed a top, bottom or switch. It's a preferred sexual position that isn't dependent on outside factors, it's just what a person enjoys, and what the reader/viewer wants that character to be. That's essentially what it is. It's not based on logic, it's based on what position the fan prefers for them to be in.

Lucifer could do his sexy little shoulder bop and still be a bottom. He can give the most suave, seductive smirk and still be a bottom. It's different for everyone.

But as for why I like top!Lucifer, here are a few reasons:

A) I really like it when shorties top. So often, in almost all fandoms I've been in, the default for a popular ship is the shorter one bottoming and the taller one topping. As a shortie myself, I just...ugh, I get so tired of it. Especially since the bottom is typically softened, UwU-ified, and turned into this delicate little flower. Bringing personal feelings into this, I've been very short and very thin all my life. I've literally been described as "delicate" before, and as someone who enjoys sports, running around, and is just a loud, rough and tumble person by nature, I absolutely hate it. It's given me a lot of mental and emotional issues, and a lot of the treatment and comments I've gotten has made me feel belittled, vulnerable, and weak. So, while being a bottom doesn't mean you're any of those things, short characters have been treated like that for a majority of the fandoms I've been in, no matter what their personality, stature, behaviors, or attitude was, and seeing it brings out of love of dark and negative feelings that I'd rather not re-live when I'm trying to enjoy myself in fandom. (Which is another reason why I dislike so much bottom!Lucifer because he's so often softened down and turned into this naive, dare I say, helpless little lamb. The moment Alastor overpowers him or easily manipulates him into a deal, I am outta there.)

B) Lucifer has that top energy. Can't explain it. He just does. To be clear, I don't see him exclusively as a top. He's a switch. But I do headcanon Alastor as exclusively a bottom, so in any radioapple relationship I write or draw, Lucifer will top.

and C) the most important reason: I like seeing Alastor get railed.

Alastor bottoms in all the ships I have for him and Lucifer is no exception. Besides, I find a lot of versatility and potential in Lucifer being with/fucking a sinner, especially considering his distaste of them. Makes for a good hate-fucking scenario, or a very emotional and in-depth character deep dive of him coming to terms with his own bias and internalized hatred of them and finding love and companionship in one of the very people he despised. That's some delicious mental turmoil and the perfect opportunity for character development.

(LOL there's a lot of talk of Alastor not bottoming because of his ego, and yet nobody considers that maybe Lucifer wouldn't bottom for Alastor because he's a sinner. He is the embodiment of pride after all. So, combining that with his disdain for sinners, would he really "stoop" so low as to let one of them fuck him? Food for thought).

But seriously though, when it comes down to it, I just like Alastor bottoming and Lucifer topping. Yes, bottom!Lucifer and top!Alastor has been soured for me due to popular fandom depictions of it, but even before those were popular, I simply preferred Alastor bottoming. I enjoy it more, not just for his character, but just...because. I just do.

Thing is, I don't think there has to be a list of reasons for why you prefer a character topping, bottoming, or switching. People are allowed to do whatever they want with these characters. It's fandom. This is a playground. We don't have to have a reason, we're just here to have fun.

If you can't see Lucifer as a top, Anon, that is a-okay 👍👍Thanks for asking for a different perspective though, it's always awesome when a person seeks to understand someone else's point of view. I don't know how well of a different perspective I offered, though. I have a hard time answering questions like these bcuz they just don't make a lot of sense to me. It's hard to say why I like something when I just...do. I just vibe with it.

To boil it all down, my examples/answers are all based on what I like and how I feel. I like bottom!Alastor cuz I enjoy it. I like top!Lucifer because I love seeing Alastor get railed - especially by a big, powerful demon king. Very yummy.

Also, LOL, considering Alastor is exclusively a bottom to me, anyone I do ship him with will automatically be the top, regardless of who they are XD So I guess that's an important factor to consider too 😂

I don't know how well I did with answering this, but I do want you to get the perspective you were looking for, so! My fellow bottom!Alastor truthers who are reading this, drop why you like bottom!Alastor in the comments below for our lovely Anon!

I'm curious about what you guys have to say too.

[astrologylunadream]

How They Want to Spend the Holidays With You 🛷⛄🧣 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Happy holidays!! It's Lunadream🥰 We're getting in the festive spirit with how your person imagines spending the holidays with you.🍫🤍 hope you find your message~✉

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of the spending christmas with that special someone, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling~♥️

Pile 1🎅🏻

Pile 2📍

Pile 3🎧

Pile 4☕

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> 🍫♡

Pile 1🎅🏻

Sign energy: Conflict, Lesson, Cold, Message, Reality, Mercury, Fire, Scorpio, Vertex, North node, 🚷🩹🧎‍♀️🗡

🧣Your person's energy: Alright for your person there are some very distant vibes, I feel like they don't get along with others the best. They have an intimidating way about them that others fear slightly, your person could easily start arguments with people accidentally🙊 They have a lot to learn when it comes to connecting with others through words, and the universe plans for them to learn many lessons most likely the hard way and through trial and error🥺 Virgo, Gemini and Scorpio could be possible placements. I'm getting that your person can be more cold with what they say, definitely don't sugar coat much.🚫🍰 Very straightforward and heavy attitude, which makes them very captivating though.🥴 Your person may have issues facing reality or dealing with matters that affect their future, they have a lot of inner conflict in their heads⚔💭💥 Now I'm totally seeing that this person is very forceful in their approach to communication, they tend to be very intense or blunt. But even though they tell it like it is, they aren't one for over sharing. Like, they have more of a "back off" mentality, and prefer to keep things to themselves. Could be introverted for some of you, I definitely see they aren't fond of many people but a few. For my pile 1's I'm seeing that your person seems to push you away and then pull you back strangely, very hard to read indeed🔍😳

🛷How they want to spend the holidays with you: Vulnerable, Competition, Crown, Comment, Jealousy, Libra, Chiron, Saturn, Juno, 3rd house, ♂️🍁🍋♨️ Okay my pile 1's this person is really possesive over you I just had to mention😭❤ They don't want anyone to take their place with you this year. Canada may be a place they want to spend the holidays with you, definitely dates I'm seeing. Your person imagines stepping foot in the snow with you all dressed in thick clothing, and briefly mentioning proposing to you as either a joke or a little hint🤭💍 I think your person really wants to spend the holidays with you knowing you could be committed to them, they want that deeply♥️ They honestly would hate it if any other potential love interests came in the picture for this time, they are very vulnerable to jealousy and possessiveness over you. They get very bitter and hurt if they feel like 2nd place to someone else I'm hearing. My pile 1's your person is very competitive to win your commitment, so they may imagine doing so during the holidays like finding cute and fun activities to impress you with.💗🤗 Omg like going to christmas cafes, shopping and driving you around to see the christmas lights together.✨ They want to become more successful and stable during this time simply to seem more like dependable/marriage material to you and also so they can buy you lots of gifts!!🥰🛍 I'm also hearing they want to be very hot and attractive for you haha like they're working on their body or appearance maybe as your little christmas present lol♡🎁😳

📮Messages from your person: Thinking of you, You must be desperate, You're mine forever, I'm always supporting you, I worry what people will think of us, I can't stop looking at you, You're too pretty to be sad this christmas, How are you so pretty? (AHH🤧♥️ So sweet oml) Extra cards: Foreign, Finger, Love letter, Explosion, Jawbone

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!♥️

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the santa emoji~🎅🏻 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🥰

Pile 2📍

Sign energy: Affection, Name, Violate, Care-taker, 9th house, Aquarius, Leo, South node, Uranus, Moon, 😰🧚‍♀️🧩🤚

🧣Your person's energy: Okay so the first thing I noticed is that your person could have a unique name, one that isn't common or spelled differently. They are pretty smart I'm hearing, and their method of learning things is quite odd but effective. This could be aqua moon but over all Aquarius placements, Sagittarius, Leo, and Cancer.😌 Your person is very sweet and kind, they empathize with others often. I feel like they are the kind to cry at the strangest time in a movie like it wasn't even that sad??😂😢 But their emotions work differently than most people's, like their reactions may be delayed or odd reasoning. Your person is so caring though♥️ People may tend to invade their personal space or business I'm getting, but they don't say anything to be nice.🥺 Definitely over empathize with people, I think more so in the past. Also the way they show love may be in strange ways, like they may study you if they find you interesting also being overly friendly buddy-buddy with you haha😂 I feel like that is how they express their love or interest in someone they like. Omg and people buzz around them like flies I'm getting, they may have people oddly involved in them. You may start out as friends with this person or that is the dynamic you would have, like friends who really care for eachother I feel like they really care for you!! Now your person may have put a stop to something that they used to do.. I'm called to say being too nice or letting others use them. People definitely took advantage of your person in the past or it feels that way to them. I think they allow invasive behavior they shouldn't out of pure sympathy for those people, they might be putting a stop to that now or at least trying.✊😊

🛷How they want to spend the holidays with you: Unheard, Cute, Inspiration, Violence, Practical, 10th house, 4th house, Pluto, Venus, Leo, 🎤☔👑🧛‍♂️ Ahh so your person wants to spend the holidays with you doing cute cozy things like decorating and spending quality time together😫😭 This is so cute, they would want to go somewhere nice and fancy but also very pretty!! Like somewhere iconic or recognizable from a movie📽♥️ Think grand and unforgettable. My pile 2's your person definitely wants to do cute stuff with you like making snowmen and all the old fashioned traditions🥰 I feel like they imagine a romance movie between you two like this is so much sweetness. My pile 2's they want to be inspired and unlock their creative side with you, aww I bet they want to write you a card too. Somewhere familiar and cozy like a cabin would be their dream with you, sipping on hot cocoa by the fire.☕🔥 They imagine watching cute vintage christmas movies and cuddling together, and then waiting for the perfect moment when you least expect it so they can hush you quietly and push you down to steal your kiss.💋 Now things would probably get really spicy between you two if it were up to them but we won't get in to all that😅😳 They really want a moment like that with you, somewhere quiet and well thought out. Like they would plan it all so perfectly for you, and they're just waiting to create those soft memories with you.🥺💌♥️ I think they currently feel it isn't achievable in some ways, but if there is ever the chance to do what they have in mind they would take it without hesitation. My pile 2's your person wants to make it real for you😍

📮Messages from your person: You leave me wondering, I left a mark on you, You are not alone, Stay positive, Soon, Calm down, What are you hiding? It's love at first sight. (Pile 2 yess!!💋) Extra cards: Cupid, Note, Star, Head, Top

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!♥️

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the red lollipop emoji~📍(it's actually a pin but y'know it had to match😂)Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading💫

Pile 3🎧

Sign energy: November, Side effects, Home, Less, Nose, Taurus, Gemini, Venus, Lilith, Pluto, ♍🎸🤕🪓

🧣Your person's energy: Okay for my pile 3's your person sure has a lot going for them♡ May be born November or fall, Taurus, Gemini, Libra, Virgo or Scorpio placements. Very prominent Taurus energy for this pile!! Your person may have a noticable nose, I feel like they are insecure about their nose but it actually looks really good on them🥺♥️ They have a very clear and soothing voice, but also hot oml🥵 Like they could do ASMR and everyone would be obsessed😭😭 For some of you this person may not have family or a "safe place", they feel lost in some way. I feel they look really good in plaid, they may enjoy rock music or grunge. Listening to music heals them I'm hearing, they find it very pleasing and calming to their chaotic mind.🧠🎸 Your person may be harsh on themselves, also they take a lot of hits in life like they've been through so much.😢 Now my pile 3's your person has such an intense energy about them, it definitely makes them very attractive too. They have a huge effect on people's minds, especially feminines. People get obsessed easily with this person, and they don't even ask for it😫 I'll just say people definitely think your person is hot, they have this dark side to them that is so mysterious and eye catching. People talk about them behind their back and all. But what your person is really looking for is a safe place, something that is home to them.🏠

🛷How they want to spend the holidays with you: Fear, Outfit, Decision, Zoo, Limits, Sun, Eros, Pluto, 2nd house, Fire, 🥳😴😎🦴 Ohh they really want to go christmas shopping with you!! I'm surprised, like they are actually really sweet for my pile 3's🍫 They wanna buy matching outfits for the winter, letting you choose and all. But they do have their limits to what they can and cannot wear so they wouldn't just let you pick out everything for them.😂 They may want to go see winter animals with you like penguins, huskies and snow bears🐧🐺🐻🤍 Spending money on you is something they want to do, because it's truly their choice. I'm definitely seeing that my pile 3's you turn them on like they are actually so attracted to you omg!! They are secretly afraid of this attraction to you because you make them so obsessed.😳 Like just as they are intimidating to others you are intimidating to them😰♥️ Definitely a hot attraction to my pile 3's. They may stop themselves from fantasizing of you otherwise they could fall too deep into it, they really want to have control over you and your experiences this christmas. They wanna visit winter gardens with subtle slow music so you two can dance together, ohhh but they would definitely imagine feeling all over your body with that chance.😫🧤 Omg and they would want to see you in a classy white dress that fits you well, they're wanting neck kisses by the fire~💋 Eating out at a nice candle restaurant with expensive food to celebrate the season, ooh and enjoying a christmas party with you🍷 They have a fear of disappointing you, perhaps you have many expectations when it comes to the holidays each year so they feel it takes a lot to impress you. But trust me when I way they really would put in the effort if they could for you because oml they just want to make you pleased♥️

📮Messages from your person: If it's what you want, I can't stop, We're apart this christmas, I won't let you be with anyone else, Everything is real, I can't control you, It's awful, Tell me your secret wishes. Extra cards: Compliment, Cafe, Self love, Signs, Luck

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!♥️

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the earphones emoji~🎧 (idk why there isn't an earmuffs emoji yet but yeah🙄) Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading😘

Pile 4☕

Sign energy: Summer, Fluff, Touch, Creativity, Captive, Pluto, Fire, 3rd house, Mercury, Venus, 💔���🗻🚨

🧣Your person's energy: There is so much softness to this pile♥️ Okay we have some creative vibes for your person, they have a very artistic mind. This could be someone you met in the summer, or ended the relationship at that time. For others this person may be born in summer☀️ Scorpio, Virgo, Gemini, Taurus, and Libra Libra placements. Possible mercury-Venus aspects. You are stuck on this person, and they may be stuck on you. Long distance or something is keeping you apart, but over all they are distant with you. My pile 4's for some reason your person is agitated that you are thinking of them, because they want what's best for you. Part of them hopes for you to stop loving them for your sake, but they also don't want to let go.😢 You think of their touch sometimes and it causes you to overthink. (They have a siren's touch)🤯❗ Your person is very magnetic and their love captivates you, but your attraction to them can take you over sometimes. They are cute and gorgeous, but they also make you lovesick I'm hearing.🥺♡ They have a soft touch to them, may be more soft spoken or at least with you. My pile 4's are a little obsessed with this person, but you can't help it!!😫😭 You love the way they speak, like they word things in such a pretty format💕 Your person may have specific feminine's obsessed with their beauty and charms. They have very kissable lips I'm hearing. Often wear outfits that stand out and may enjoy wearing fluffy winter clothing.

🛷How they want to spend the holidays with you: Off, Purpose, Special, Break, Reality, Chiron, 12th house, Aquarius, 6th house, 11th house, 🆕️🤵🍒🦴 Ohh okay so your person is really worried about your hopes this year, they don't want to let you down. But they definitely have something in mind with you♥️ They want to break routine and spend the holidays in an abnormal unique way, I'm definitely seeing that your person wants to facetime with you for christmas.🎄 They wish they could send you cute messages and tell you "happy holidays!"🤗🎉 They want to spend christmas with you even in separation, if only to connect on a soul level to spend this special time with you.✨ It is hard for them to know you miss them, and want to spend the holidays in their presence. They really want your wishes to come true, to be there for you.🥺💝 They want to spend the holidays connecting on a higher level, through spiritual contact can they give you their warmth and love for christmas. Who knows, maybe they may even appear in your winter dreams as a little christmas gift to you~💌 How sweet, They want to do something meaningful for you. Something that will heal you, and keep you going. Spending the holidays at a festive gathering with you, giving you hope and cheer is all they want to do. They want this year to be a fantasy for you, and they imagine making christmas crafts, immersing yourselves into christmas movies, and exploring the winter wonderland together.☃️☁️🤍 I'm melting like a snowman this is so cute.

📮Messages from your person: Things aren't going that way, I don't look at other people, I'm mad at you, I hate that I love you, You should stop, Would a kiss be enough? I love when you get shy, I want to be with you. (Aww😍💕💌) Extra cards: Kabedon, Structure, Mermaid, Phase, Endless

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!♥️

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the hot cocoa emoji~☕ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🤗

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[id-rather-be-home]

What do you think Ted thinks about gay people? He’s obviously conservative, but he doesn’t strike me as a particularly politically involved Republican. I feel like he’s too unmotivated for that lol. He’s very Milquetoast Suburban Dad™️.

Also, the Wheelers don’t seem to be very religiously motivated either. This is not to say that Ted would think gay people are “normal,” or that he wouldn’t be homophobic, but do you agree that it wouldn’t be in a fire and brimstone way?

Ted seems like more of a cultural conservative to me who votes Reagan because things are “good” under him, and there’s no reason to think any differently. Maybe he turns on the radio occasionally, but it’s not like there is FoxNews and evangelical preachers constantly in the Wheeler home. Is it possible he cares more about the economy than about social issues?

How do you think he would feel about having a gay son? Is it possible he already suspects it? Or suspected it at some point?

Also it’s hard to get a read on if Ted loves his kids. He obviously doesn’t really show it, but does he feel it? I feel like he at least loves Holly.

you really read my mind with this analysis on ted, anon!

i am absolutely obsessed with the wheeler family dynamic and how stereotypical it is of an 80s family

i cannot imagine ted wheeler being a fire and brimstone type of homophobe. is he homophobic? almost certainly, but i don't think it's due to deep seeded religious views. like you mentioned i think it's mostly because it's just not what is typical or 'normal'. i'm inclined to believe that ted doesn't extend much thought to gay people until it's brought under his attention by maybe discussion of the AIDS crisis or his son being gay

and, yeah, i'd say ted probably cares more about the economy than social issues. it's just so difficult to imagine ted extending the energy to care about social issues either way or hating a specific group of people - he's genuinely just kind of indifferent it seems

as for mike... i feel like ted might suspect something. he's made too many comments throughout the seasons for me to think otherwise, especially when he's like "our son with a girl?" of course that could have been him in disbelief over a girl liking mike because he's nerdy and not popular in any sense of the word, but with every other context clue about mike's sexuality in the show it just makes you wonder

i don't think that ted would be the type of homophobic parent to threaten to kick mike out of the house or become abusive (*cough* lonnie the son of a bitch *cough*). but i do think he'd tell mike to keep his sexuality and especially his relationship with will behind closed doors, and it'd be a subject not really talked about. ted likely wouldn't approve simply because it's not what is 'normal' and he might make some passing comments to mike that make his opinion known, but i can't see it becoming overly aggressive. i really believe ted would just rather not talk about it or acknowledge it at all instead - an out of sight, out of mind mentality

and i do think he loves his kids, actually. he's just a very stereotypical 80s dad that doesn't show it well at all. he probably assumes he's showing his love by providing them with a good house and food on the table. to him fathers aren't the ones who deal with the emotional stuff, that's up to the mother. he's no doubt even worse with mike about showing affection because it would be even more awkward for him to be open and vulnerable with his son rather than his daughters, and that of course is caused by misogyny and rigid gender roles/expectations

i am interested to hear what anyone else thinks about this!

[ilikelookingatthings]

I NEED TO SCREAM INTO THE VOID.

I am in a pickle of my own making! I have over 1000 tabs open on my computer because I kept opening new windows and forgetting the previous windows. Most of these tabs are fanfiction. My computer is slow as all get out because of all the tabs so I can't bounce between them to get to all the oneshots. There are so many that the windows don't show as pictures and the only way to scroll to tabs is to have all the tabs on the side instead of at the top.

So I've been meticulously going through each tab to try to finish a window to then start again in the next window.

But not ONLY are a majority of the tabs fanfictions...many are multi-chapter.

But my ONLY hobby right now(aside from making earrings out if beads so I can get rid of my beads) is writing comments on fanfictions....so my pace is slowed down EVEN MORE because I am SHIT at summarizing my thoughts in a short ans sweet manner!

I write my comments to process and get out every thought I can on the fanfiction currently in my sights so I won't be lingering on it for months mentally. The good, the bad, the 'this part doesn't make sense logically with what you set up but COULD WORK if you adjust this part a smidge so we can enjoy your brilliant lines over here', the ooooh my God I'm terrified I'm having so much fun reading this, amd of my God this is infuriating and I hate it but I live it write more!

My computer bounces between being able to spell properly and skipping letters and the spell check takes so long to do because I write so much!!! And then I need to check tone of my comment because what if I wrote out all my thoughts and didn't realize my love and appreciation didn't get through where people might take it as critique or hurtful because I didn't get my feeling across properly.

So I need to double check! Because I don't want to accidentally discourage someone who's fic I cared enough about to read through! I'll want more fanfics after all!!!

But I also need to get through the fanfics as quickly as possible and I write alot quickly and I need to get my thoughts out of my head as soon as possible so I can go to the next fanfiction!

But then I have such good taste and the writers are so great I get sucked in again! And if I'm not careful I'll write a comment for every chapter!!!

I spent TWO DAYS going through a 20 chapter fanfic! Just to delete ONE TAB! I can't even sort the tabs by oneshots! I have to go tab by tab in this window to get through the window or risk the computer rebooting and reopening or opening copys of windows!!!! And I can't pin point all the copy windows cuz some windows have fanfics from the other windows!

And then I thought! Hey no one really CARES if I comment right? I can just skip one or two! But not only does my brain say no! that fanfic didn't have any comments!!! which was a travesty because the fic was so good and needs to be appreciated! So I needed to write one! And THEN apparently people recognized that I commented on almost every fanfiction I've read and noticed I'm BACK because I took hiatus for so long due to lent! I don't eve have any writing of my own and somehow people noticed?

AND WRITERS apparently appreciate them so I get all warm and fuzzy! Whoch gives me energy to comment more!

But I still have a ridiculous amount of tabs and I made a deal with myself I can't scroll on tumblr or YouTube for too long on my phone until I get through ALL of them! Because that risks me making MORE comments because it's not just fanfictions I process that way!!!

There are tabs from at least 3 years ago!!!! And that's not even adressing when I AM done I plan on getting through my bookmarks because they are separate!!!! And how when I read a fic from one Fandom I get the erge to look for MORE!

I've got myself opening up new tabs at least 3 times! Luckily stopping myself from diving further in. Commenting on those fanfictions and closing the tabs quickly. But still!!!!

And that's not even adressing tge fanfic purges that happen so what if one of the five I was reading got taken down so I'll never know the ending? Or when my tabs refresh so the comment I spent 15 minutes writing disappeared!!!! I can type very quickly and my reading comprehension are high. I wrote past the archive comment limit within 2 minutes once so I thought this would be faster!

Am I my own worst enemy?! I can't just give up now! But there are so many!!!! And something tells me most won't be one shots! But even just the one shots can be worth multiple comments!

Its how I process! My sister can only take so much of ne talking at her about characters and Fandom she isn't in!!! And my prize at the end are more fanfictions I'm not letting myself read til I finish all of these!

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh! Why do I DO this to myself!!!!!

[butch-bakugo]

Look y'all, as a person who will 100% take advantage of every chance I get to shit on trump... I gotta point out ablesim in our movement in the form of the whole teasing him for needing a diaper.

Many people; older children, teens, adults and seniors, need to wear diapers at some point in their matured lives and they live with a constant stigma attached to this thing they need. From people assuming they are doing it for kink reasons or cause "their weirdos", assuming they must also be mentally disabled and pull out all the fun mental ablesim/sar, assume they must always stink or must be constantly relieving themselves, assuming their constantly dirty or unable to care for themselves...

Incontinence is something many people deal with and are HEAVILY embarrassed about because of ableism. They feel like they have to hide that a big pad to fully just diapers are something they need and there's nothing to be ashamed about. People who suffer from incontinence don't deserve to be shamed over it.

Here's where we circle back around. Trump needing a diaper for whatever reason is neutral. It's not a funny ha ha baby man needs a diaper moment, it's someone in old age who suffers from incontinence. Is he a really horrifically shitty and bigoted person? Yes. But just cause the villain needs a wheelchair doesn't mean your a-ok to suddenly start calling them a vegetable or a cripple or joking about them getting dumped out their wheelchair and laughing at their helplessness. Just cause you begrudgingly add alittle disclaimer whining about how this only applies to trump and doesn't apply to others who need diapers(not that any of you have. You ignore people with relatively invisible disabilities that aren't stuff like diabetes or autism.), dosent mean that those with incontinence cant see the ableism in your comments.

If you went out of your way to shit on a republican who didn't get sarcasm or had autism and specifically making fun of their autistic traits, as a person with severe autism, I'm going to fucking take offense. Enjoy this quote: "Vengefulness still sours the life of the crowd despite the eye of your ire being on one whoms foul." Aka hate is still hate and can affect the innocent even if you all know it's aimed at a bad person. People with autism are still harmed by your allism even if your aiming it at a really shitty autistic person. I'm not black nor am I fully white but I've been around multiple racist white people who justify calling certain black people the n word "if they act like one" and don't think that's racism. Is that an extreme form? Yes but it's the same rhetoric.

Don't make fun of donald trump for needing a diaper. Needing a diaper or pee pad or anything to help with incontinence isn't funny or embarrassing. Incontinence is a neutral symptom that doesn't make someone good or bad or anything else you attach to it. It's a body process that many people suffer from and it's not funny to make fun of what is often a stigmatized bodily function. When you make fun of one person for having incontinence, you make fun of them all and many have disabilities.

There are so many other funny and embarrassing things you could make fun of trump for, like his fake tan or shitty toupee. You could spend that energy on talking about his many crimes and bigotries. You could talk about his scams and schemes that fell through hilariously. You don't need to make fun of incontinence. You don't need to make fun of people who need adult diapers. You don't need to drag many disabled people though the mud to make fun of donald trump.

Take a different route and ask yourself why you find a body function, which should be normalized and not further made fun of, a good target for harassment. There's so much there to work with, pick something that isn't already stigmatized. I promise abled people, it's very fucking easy.

You can say I'm taking this too seriously and it's not that deep but disabled people have asked for YEARS that y'all don't use people's disabilities or health problems as the basis for their punching bags cause it just normalizes that talk towards every person with that disability who pisses you off. If you can see how it's not ok to make fun of someone for being diabetic due to their weight because it's based in fatphobia, you can see how it's not ok to make fun of someone for needing diapers due to incontinence because it's based on ablesim. If you agree that it's wrong to misgender/be transphobic towards someone because they are a bad person who happens to be trans then you can agree that it's wrong to be ableist towards someone because they are a bad person who happens to be disabled. If you lose the ability to not be bigoted towards someone when they piss you off or do something bad then your just a bigot whose nice first. I'm not a trump supporter and I'm not saying we should go easy on him but I am saying there are so many other things to call this oversized orange with a comb over that ARNT based in a stigmatized health condition faced by many people that is so stigmatized, they feel mortified when someone finds out they have incontinence.

Abled people/people without incontinence are legally required to reblog. Y'all never listen to disabled voices when we point ableism in the community.

[0nelittlebirdtoldme]

Writer asks

Got tagged by @bluecatwriter. With another year of writing slowly coming to an end, why not look over some of my stuff? Thanks for the tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

143 works, however 2 or 3 of them are just some of my crossposted fanart.

2. What's your total ao3 word count? 428,434. Wanted to get to 500k this year, but i suppose i am not quite there yet.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Still just Dracula/Dracula 2020. Some IWTV, some Fight Club. 2 for Empire of the Vampire which i have neither finished reading, nor is there a proper fandom for.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Death's Sunrise (of course, the only fic to gain over 1k kudos). 1,071 as of now

3 Sandman fics i don't care for anymore so i am not gonna name them (if you are curious, just look them up yourself, you know where to find them)

The Gathered Night 

Touch as Soft as Ice (Harkula Tumblr Prompts) (the tumblr prompt collection which i kind of have disbanded by now - i just post the prompt fics by themselves these days)

Ladybugs Don't Fly at Night 

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to, but sometimes i just lack the energy. I do get a lot of comments, in all fairness, but even if i don't reply right away, i just want you to know that i do read and appreciate them all! <3

6. What's the fic you wrote that has the angstiest ending?

The majority is really angsty. If I had to guess, either DS or Completed - a quadruple drabble in which Dracula, in his delusion, is holding onto Jonathan's very dead corpse, somehow still waiting for him to come back to (un)life.

7. What's the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

Either something from Castles in the Air, my softer drabble collection, or something like Keeping Family - a very self indulgent murder husbands + accidental baby acquisition fic.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

By god, the things i find in my inbox some days are really something. (Side bar: just because a writer writes specific themes and topic it doesn't make it alright to send them death and grape threats christ on a cracker)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Oh yes. My smut always flirts with the idea of consent and power dynamics. I think it's in general on the more intense side, although i do have some softer, slower works. A personal favorite of mine are the really sweet and sloppy ones - consensual somno and the like.

10. Do you write crossovers?

TGN, my beloved. My Dracula x IWTV crossover. Not really related to either Dracula or Interview with the Vampire, but i just wanted to put my 4 vamps (Jonathan, Drac, Louis and Lestat) like mentos into a carbonated soda bottle and shake them around real good, just to see what happens.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Er. Yes. Was a whole deal. Sorted it out. Kinda. Hope it doesn't happen any longer.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not officially (see no. 11)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I would be down for it! I do some beta reading for KINGBeerZ on ao3, both for his Dracula fics as well as currently an original work, which is fun and interesting, but i could totally see myself actually co-writing a fic with someone else if we had the same vision for the story.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Forgive me, but yes, it is Harkula. Sorry not sorry. I like them messy, i like them problematic, and i am aware of it. Also i just like to see Jonathan properly dishevelled and out of breath.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but don't think you ever will?

There has been one fic i pulled and have not looked at since. It was giving me trouble the second i posted it, made me have a mental break down and freak out. Didn't get much feedback on it the weeks after so i decided it wasn't worth the trouble. Probably wouldn't do it that way these days, but eh.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel like i am quite good with dialogue, quick snappy banter and teasing and the like. Maybe also the way i describe pain, body horror, etc.?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Grammar. I swear. As a non native speaker, it is always grammar for me.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I either translate it right away, put it in italics, or leave it as it. Totally depends on what effect i want to achieve.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

With great shame i have to say that i started out on Wattpad. 15 year old me has discovered BBC's Sherlock and was unstoppable (well, at least until i switched to ao3 and nuked the wattpad account). On ao3 my first fic was DS, and the fandom Dracula (2020)

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Hard to say. I still love DS despite the typos and messy plot, and am currently obsessed with TGN. But there are so many others i am quite proud of.

Leaving a tag for @argyleheir as well as @chthonic-cassandra and anyone else who feels like it, but absolutely no pressure!

[f0point5]

Okay this is raging but my thoughts on max f, initially seemed really sweet, came across as a nice guy, vibes, cool, until I started watching more quadrant videos (no longer cause most of the "team" are raging hypocrites and slightly cuntish) and he just never seems happy, like he has a job and dudes not happy, yes we can all have jobs and not be happy but I don't doubt for one second that lando didnt go how can i get my mate a job and wack him into quadrant. He just seems to sit on his ass all day. (I feel real bad for even saying any of this) Cause let's be real what does Max have going for him. No real education, focused purely on racing, stopped racing, now is a streamer that doesnt rake in that much... Obviously from the outside it looks like he purely does quadrant and hey maybe he does have another job, but outside it looks like he does quadrant and streaming only. It's not like he's pulling big streaming numbers anyway... getting back on track, he just never seems thrilled to be there, annoyed and pissed off... we all have off days (I feel mean even bad mouthing a guy I don't know but I gotta get over it) but he just seems like a prick. Then I saw some things of him and his gf and she seems like a piece of work tbh always snotty and rude, kinda up herself when at the end of the day she ain't dating anyone relevant he's the side guy to lando norris and still there are other side guys who are more famous after meeting lando and within the f1 circus. I've read some questionable things about him and people bring up questionable things, but it seems alot of him living and clout chasing lando... hell dude lived with him while he was still uk based and then loved back home to the parents. Honestly he's got nothing going for him. Nothing. He could have easily turned from being a f2/f3 driver into something more even if he wasn't driving, commentary, idk something but he just isn't motivated.

Overall, clout chaser who always has to mention lando and only super fans actually like and support his twitch account, gf is up herself and honestly he's punching above his weight cause let's be real she may seem like a royal bitch but she's gorgeous and he's average. He's nothing without lando.

(Omg I literally feel terrible cause he could be going through things but at what point do you just step away and be behind the scenes and work on whatevers going on if anything is, it's not like he doesn't have the time or money to do so)

I haven’t watched enough content to comment on his mood ngl. But I do agree that it drives me a bit nuts when people are being miserable in content. Only because, this is 1. Your job. You don’t have to be happy all the time but when you’re at work a certain attitude is expected even if it’s fake and 2. Something you can film at any time. If you’re having such a bad day that you can’t act chill for a couple of hours, stay off the stream, film the video next week, take care of your mental health. But don’t come on the internet and be annoying.

On the other hand, we don’t know what the guy does all day in terms of work. Quadrant seems like it would be a pretty full time job with all the avenues they have. And even if he does sit on his ass all day, that’s literally fine if he can afford it.

I give anyone who has to deal with a camera being shoved in their face an incredible amount of grace and a bit of a license to be a bitch because I would not be any kinder to strangers stopping my boyfriend in the street. Sorry to fans who do that but if I were famous or famous-adjacent I would hate it. So I’m not surprised that the energy they get towards people is a bit standoffish. The girl could be a nightmare, I don’t know her, but I won’t judge her based on fan interactions.

That said, her and Max give me… “habibi come to dubai” type vibes. And this is no shade to anyoneee in that scenario because I know those girls, I’ve been those girls, I am friends with those guys. Consenting adults can do whatever. But that is the vibe I get from them, so idk how much Max is making at quadrant 😂

Yeah, I don’t know enough about these people to offer any further thoughts

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

abuse , victim blaming

just need to vent, thank you

i hate hate HATE it when people being kind towards abuse survivors are called babying them. i hate hate HATE it when people tell survivors to fight back and say it's our own fault if we're stuck because we're unwilling to work towards our own freedom. i HATE it when they are praised and even proud of themselves for making us face the harsh truth. YOU DONT!!! i find it very very VERYYY victim blamey to even inisuate we are somehow in the wrong for what? not trying even harder to escape? i always feel insulted each time someone tell me to try to escape and "get out of my comfort zone". like, why did you assume i never tried to fight back or escape? why did you think i even have any comfort zone at all? i hate it even more when it comes to fellow abuse survivor who escaped on their own. like, okay??? just because you could finally escape doesnt mean everyone else can do it too??? do i understand that sometimes, there are no outsiders who can magically save us? of course i do! i've known since early age that nobody will side with me! do i desperately wish to be able to escape myself since nobody from outside would be able to or willing to help me! OF COURSE!!!! I'VE TRIED FOR YEARS!!! SO WHY THE ASSUMPTION THAT BECAUSE I'M STILL STUCK THEN CLEARLY I HAVEN'T TRIED HARD ENOUGH????!!!!

gods. i understand if people who never experience abuse say that. but fellow abuse survivors??? hello???? do you seriously think escaping abusive situation is just a matter of mindset change wtf. i know staying in an abusive situation is bad!!!! i know it's highly unlikely any outside party will help me!!! i also know that escaping will bring negative consequences because i have tried and experienced it myself!!! even if i do escape i dont even know where to go!!!! i will die either way!!! like holy shit just because my exterior personality is calm and friendly doesnt mean im just tolerating bullshit while denying reality wtf

Hi anon,

I hear you. Unfortunately there are a lot of people out there with backwards ideas about abuse survivors, and the rhetoric that they perpetuate is so hurtful and damaging to our recovery. It's frustrating to deal with people who are simply ignorant to how abuse actually works. By perpetuating victim-blaming in these ways, they are protecting abusers.

I think it's important to be reminded that you didn't deserve what happened, regardless of whether or not you fought back. You still deserve kindness and it's not your fault if you didn't fight back. The only person whose fault it is, is the person who caused the abuse in the first place (the abuser). Just because it may have taken you longer to leave, or because perhaps you're not out of it yet, doesn't make you weak or unworthy of love, kindness, and safety. You have been and are doing your best.

I also just want you to consider that these people, while they will unfortunately exist, they don't deserve your time, energy, and emotion. You are worth so much more than to give them space they don't deserve in your mind and heart. You know your truth, you know what really happened and how abuse really works, and they cannot take that away from you with their ignorance. It can be exhausting to challenge these kinds of people and the rhetoric they spout, especially because it hits you right in the trauma. So for your own mental health and self care, while it is important to acknowledge the effect these comments have on you, it's also important to, not let it go necessarily, but know that you're worth more than spending your energy and emotion arguing with ridiculous statements.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[jerzwriter]

I am so sorry for the crap that's been happening to you. You don't deserve it. No one deserves it. But you particularly have never been anything but nice and welcoming and supportive to everyone. Literally everyone, even those who don't deserve it.

The sort of tremendous jealousy that people who send hate anons live with must be unbearable. Imagine spending that much time and energy trying to drag others down instead of simply focusing on your own stuff.

There are far more people here who support you and love you. Ignore the haters. It speaks volumes about their character, and zero about yours that they would engage in this type of harassment and bullying.

They just want the attention. They're desperate for a fraction of the attention that you get just from being a good writer and a decent human. And instead of trying to be those things themselves, they think that targeting you will somehow bring them the attention that they so desperately crave. It's sad really. What they really need is some mental health help. It ain't normal to act like that.

Keep your head up. Same to anyone else out there who's dealing with this. Because it's not you, it's them. People who send hate anonymously are cowards, bullies and unspeakably pathetic.

Hey Nonny,

Before I begin, I want to thank you. While 99% of asks are positive or fun, after a week of getting hate, I begin to dread notifications. So, when I saw this, it really touched me more than you know. That you took the time and energy to write this... I swear, I can't thank you enough.

Still, I almost didn't post this. Why? Because I know how some factions of our fandom work. I could already see the haters saying: "Oh, that's self-sent!" or "Did you see what she posted? She's such a conceited/narcissistic bitch." And trust me... those comments will happen. It becomes easy to second guess everything you say or do here, and, at the end of the day, it's fruitless. Because you never know what will trigger nasty, unstable people. I mean, the most vicious hate I ever got stemmed from apologizing for being behind on asks. (Because that makes sense.) I'm here to have fun. If I want to live in a tinderbox, I'll start accepting more invitations to family reunions (that's not happening! lol).

I appreciate your kind words more than you know, but like many people (especially women), they're not easy to hear. Isn't it awful that we take the bad things people say about us to heart more than the good things? That's why anon hate hurts... but we need to take that power back. Like you said, normal people don't go around trying to hurt others like this. It's pathological. Here's a quote I want everyone to memorize:

"Don't accept criticism from someone you wouldn't go to for advice."

I forget this myself at times... but it's true, and we all need to abide by it. People who send anonymous hate are vile cowards. And would any of us willingly seek advice from someone like that? I wouldn't unless it is to do the opposite. So, in that way, hate anons become fanmail. A terrible person doesn't like me? Well, that's good; I wouldn't want them to. Mission accomplished.

I want us all to remember we're here for fun. I will never understand where all this jealousy and hatred comes from. It's so unnecessary.

I want to thank you again. I wish I could give you a big hug. 💗 And I want to send a big hug out to others who are dealing with this crap because no one deserves it. 💗💗💗

And remember, it's like 1% of the fandom that creates 99% of the problems. The majority of people here are really good, kind people, like this anon. Thank you again! 💗

[cloudinterlude]

I mean, yes you can sympathise with any character you want but imo some characters are just evil.

Howard is racist because he is a white man born in 1917 and he was involved in deals that are rooted in bigotry raging from Manhattan Project, operation paperclip, probably involved with the experimentation of Isaiah Bradley and others. He literally allowed Nazis infiltrate SHIELD. He also a part of the military industrial complex. He must have been involved in the NRA lobby.

And yes, you can criticise Tony for similar shit (including sexism) but the difference is we saw Tony develop unlike Howard. Howard was getting worse and worse in his treatment of women and his greed. I think it was in iron man 3, where there was a deleted scene in which Maria was crying due to Howard’s treatment so he’s a shitty husband. Regarding the abuse he inflicted on his son, it was more than just emotional abuse. If you read MCU tie in comic (which is canon MCU) he physically abused Tony.

My thing is: nothing about this character screams complex, just abusive and narcissistic. This is for MCU Howard. Idk much about comic Howard. I just know he was an ass too.

He can be evil to you, that's fine. I have no energy or intention of convincing you otherwise. I'm not protective in the slightest over Howard as a character. You can say he's evil incarnate and Id hardly bat an eye - I'm only ever defensive of Steve (and Wanda).

Manhattan Project, Operation Paperclip (which in turn allowed more room for Hydra to infiltrate them), yeah sure. He was involved in those things, fully agree. Don't know about canon evidence to support Howard being directly involved with Isaiah or the other AA test subjects. In fact, that seems as the least likely of all this, seems like Zola's work. Military industrial complex, yeah. NRA lobby, maybe? Definitely possible, although doesn't seem like his scene. Not being he'd have moral objections (Howard's morals as time went on definitely get looser), but for the same reason he stated he'd been avoiding joining Hydra-lite in Agent Carter. I'll probably address most of these in the Howard vs social issues post (if I ever make it lol) but I don't think he was an active racist. Sure there are more subtle forms of racism that you could probably convince me he was - Howard didn't come off as a violent, hateful racist. Also, I don't know if you were implying this, but I don't think I can ever get behind the "Howard (and Peggy) intentionally allowed Nazis to grow in SHIELD because they were Nazis" train.

And yeah, fully agree he wasn't good to his family. I already said I wouldn't defend him on that. Never saw the deleted scene or read the MCU tie-in comics and only heard of the ones involving Wanda w/ AOU. I just scrolled through it. It might have been missing something, but I didn't see any physical abuse. He did slap Tony's car out of his hands but that's all I saw. I'm willing to believe it happened and I'd take that right in stride. Nothing I've felt about him has changed with this, though.

Most of these things are post-Agent Carter. Which is the Howard I comment on the most and I've stated, hopefully clearly, that his downfall and everything that contributed to it is what makes him interesting to me. I don't I see all of the things mentioned as contributors to his character and gives me a clear map on how his mental state plummeted to Hell. And how he contributed to his own lack of well-being. I love characters that cause problems for themselves and then sit around and wonder how it all went wrong.

Unless you think Howard from the very start was the worst person ever which is where the disconnect is.

And yeah, the fact that we see Tony, who is scarily similar to his father, kind of change in ways his father didn't is also apart of why I like both characters.

I never said Howard wasn't an asshole. I'm not as mad at him as many others are since he isn't one-dimensional to me. I fill in the nuance. I wouldn't describe Howard as pure evil because I think that kind of has to be purposefully fostered with no good intentions, which Howard clearly had at the time of AC and further than that, I believe.

I'm perfectly comfortable with you and everyone else seeing Howard as Satan himself if y'all want. I have a different interpretation, and I'm chill with leaving it at that 🤷🏿‍♀️ Steve is just about the only character I'm going to get passionate about debating tbh, but I like Howard and no one is going to get me to not like his character.

[headpainmigraine]

"you are being incredibly hostile to people who want to learn" - not Morg's job, or the job of any disabled person, to educate ignorant people who don't even ASK questions, but just comment as though they know what they're talking about, and always end up treating us like dumb animals.

"But as a fellow disabled person, I no longer can relate to or find comfort in your posts." - lol, holy shit

"it becomes better for you to let the opinions of others go" - yeah, no, it's NOT better to let the opinions of others go, actually, when the opinions of others are "maybe you'd be better off dead", "maybe you should just pretend you aren't disabled", "let people abuse medical supplies for fun or you're being mean" It's better to push back against those opinions actually.

"And I hope that the hate in your heart does not continue to grow. Hating the world does not keep you safe from it." - this is a WILD thing to say about a man who actively goes out to plant native flowers in urban areas because it's good for everyone.

Being angry because the world is stacked against disabled people doesn't mean you have hate in your heart. Entirely the opposite.

Morg is one of the few people on tumblr with the strength, despite being in pain, despite being in a constant fight with his mental health, who won't take anyone's shit about the disabled experience when they don't know what they're talking about.

He doesn't hold their hands and lead them gently to the 'right answers' while cooing at them and petting their hair because why the fuck should he have to for people who are so uneducated about being disabled that they will see a video about using a towel to put on your socks and still say it's a useless thing to do

It's so fucking simple and they still don't get it, they don't even make an attempt to get it, and no. You're able to educate yourself about racism to be a "good person", you can educate yourself about genocide, well you can all fucking educate yourselves about being disabled too.

Have you seen the comments on the thick water posts? Literally clueless morons asking the same basic question over and over again, even though it was already answered, even though Google. It couldn't be easier, multiple people put the answer RIGHT THERE and these people STILL ASK.

You get angry when you're in chronic pain, mostly because chronic pain changes the wiring in your brain towards fight and flight. Being in constant pain is tiring. It limits your energy, and time, and ability to think, and Morg is dealing with quadriplegia too. Daily activities get harder when you're in chronic pain.

We're people with less energy, less time and who are more on edge, who are being told - out loud or quietly through action - that we're lesser humans who are too much trouble to others to let us exist.

Have you seen the state of the UK's benefit system?

And in Morg's case, half his pain is because of botched medical intervention. And they've left him like that, they're not apologising to him him, no, they're literally now taking the opportunity to parade their colleagues shitty work around like Morg isn't a human who's life was heavily impacted because of their incompetence, WITHOUT EVEN FUCKING COMPENSATING HIM.

And he still plants native flowers.

Literally, who the fuck do you think you are, anon, to expect someone's personal diary to be palatable to you, and to tone police them when it stops being so?

I really used to love your blog, but you are being incredibly hostile to people who want to learn and you are assuming people mean to be malicious. As a disabled person, I totally get it. In a sense, pretty much anything that isn't a specifically disabled space (and even sometimes those as well) ARE hostile to disabled people and create tons of barriers that make it difficult just to survive and exist. I understand your frustration, I understand that it is something you desperately need to express. But at some point, it becomes better for you to let the opinions of others go or to try and shift your mindset that not everyone is out to attack you. By all means, block whoever you want to block, express yourself however you want to express yourself. But as a fellow disabled person, I no longer can relate to or find comfort in your posts. Most of which as of lately are FILLED with hostility and are incredibly defensive (which again, I TOTALLY understand.) I only send this ask to wish the best for you. I hope that you can find some place that feels safe, some place and people who accommodate and take care of you. I hope that you can believe in a future where people truly want to help and learn. And I hope that the hate in your heart does not continue to grow. Hating the world does not keep you safe from it. You do not need to bring hostility to the world, the way it seems to do for you. I wish for you to feel safe enough to have an open heart and find happiness as a disabled person.

Hey. I just want you to know that I don’t care like not even slightly. Please unfollow me, in fact block me. I have no patience for this manipulative bullshit.

I’m going to die some day (probably sooner rather than later) and I don’t exist to suck your toes and jack you off while you constantly question my humanity and my right to have the most basic human comforts

Maybe you should work on why you see other disabled human beings (who have feelings, btw!) as living Wikipedia pages who should calmly and joyously educate you while you say stupid shit to them, repeatedly, and without a single care about how it makes them feel.

I know you thought it would be, but my self worth is not located in the approval of random people who don’t even have the balls to come off anon and talk to me.

Farewell, bucko.

[sitp-recs]

hello liv, how are you doing? i hope you're alright :) ily and this blog <3 idk why im writing this, guess i just need someplace to talk. these days i feel very hopeless and tired, like i have no energy to do anything. and i absolutely adore drarry with all of my heart but lately even reading stories about my two favourite boys has become so hard, nothing holds my interest and i don't know what to do. i'm 19 so i feel like maybe it's too early to have this kind of existential dread. help pls lol

Hi darling, first of all I’m so so sorry for the huge delay in my response! I totally missed this ask a while ago and now I have no idea how long it’s been sitting in my ask box, I hope you’re still able to see this 💔

I’m really sorry things have been rough for you, I’m sending hugs and love your way. Every now and then I go through a burnout phase too, and even reading fic becomes a chore. I get anxious thinking “I should be spending all my free time reading and reccing!!” when in reality I don’t have any energy left to invest in it. It can be a really miserable feeling and it took me ages to accept that I should be gentler to myself and take breaks when that wave hits hard. I try to stay away from Tumblr and to focus on what brings me joy or, at least, some peace of mind at that moment. It could be playing with my dog, doing online shopping, listening to music, treating myself some ice cream, or just sleeping 12 hours on a Sunday. Don’t stress too much about fandom if that’s not what you need right now - the fics (and Tumblr) will always be there if/when you’re ready to come back.

Lastly, let me tell you this in case no one else has: you’re allowed to feel this way at 19. I hate it when people dismiss others’ struggles just because they’re supposedly too young or too old to deal with something. Every age has its challenges and to be honest I might have been happier in my 20s but I was also living under extreme stress, working & studying my ass off, facing family issues and trying to embrace the whole world without any reason and without enough resources or emotional intelligence, the only difference (and it was a major one!) is that back then I had a support network of family and friends that had my back. Now, the older I get the more I understand myself and am able to identify what/who I want to keep and what I’m ready to get rid of. So I wanted to validate your feelings first and foremost! Staying close to the ones that offer unconditional love and support (and away from toxic relationships - another lesson I had to learn the hard way) helped me too so I hope you can count on those as well.

I hope you’re able to fall back in love with Drarry or find something new to be passionate about, something that sparks the light inside you again. Every now and then I welcome a new obsession to feel that thrill! Until then stay safe and take care of yourself. It gets better 🫂

Edit: I don’t have the authority/feel confident to talk clinically about mental health issues, but tips and comments in the notes are more than welcome! Thanks @thegreatzeldini

[sacrificethemtothesquid]

Hi! First of all I’d like to say how much I love your blog, the writing/mental health tips are always so on point, they’ve helped me more than you can imagine.

Second, I’m kind of going through a rough time. Health problems + mental health problems and no support from people around me. Sometimes I pour my heart out just to be silenced by their silence or by them gaslighting me. Writing is the thing that keeps me going. Sometimes I say to myself I only want to keep living because I know I have things to write. (Not that I’d do something to myself, it’s about the health issues that scare me and end up becoming big monsters.) I know this is too much to share and ask from you, but it’s late at night and I was finishing a story today, I was so excited about having time to finish and being on a roll, creative juices flowing and all, when suddenly it was like a blackhole drained all my energy and all the “progress” I felt I was making, so I couldn’t write, I felt like crying, I sent messages to people I miss that don’t miss me. I’m a mess. I don’t know if I panicked because I really have a due date for this story, maybe I’m sabotaging myself. Could you please give me some advice? Anything.

All the hugs, darling. It always takes courage to reach out and I'm so glad you did. I'm no wise sage, but I can speak from my own experience and hope that you find something useful from my own personal chaos.

I don't know what you're going through, but it sounds like A Lot and I'm sorry to hear it. You are brave and strong. You know that, but I want to say it anyway. You're under a lot of pressure and it's normal to examine the reasons why you're alive. I'm so glad writing is your refuge. It's the same for me.

Your comment about the black hole draining all your creative energy really resonated. Things have been A Lot in my life lately too, without any foreseeable resolution. My dad's still in the hospital, I'm in a rut about house projects and feeling overwhelmed about it, we're dealing with some big stuff with Husbandthing's family, and frankly I need to stop reading the news and go touch more grass. My body is exhausted. Writing is supposed to rejuvenate me, but when I sit down and open myself up, there's just dust and blowing tumbleweeds. It's frustrating and it's painful and I hate every second of it. I'd planned on having this novel done by mid-February, which was perfectly reasonable, but since all the Everything started, my production tanked and now I'm nowhere close.

I'm a mess. You're a mess. We're not okay, but I keep telling myself it's okay to not be okay. This is part of the ebb and flow of human existence. When I'm having a bipolar low, I can either rage against it - and, um, often do - or just accept that it exists and hunker down until it passes. (Acceptance is not always my strong suit.)

As a friend pointed out recently, sometimes you need a cover crop in your garden, something other than the vegetables that puts nutrients back in the soil. Maybe that means taking a break from what you're working on and working on something else. Warp and Weft saved me last month because I desperately needed to be writing something and the novel just wasn't going to happen. When that was done, the novel still wasn't happening, so I've been trying to be gentle about that.

I saw a post ages ago about a cleaning technique called junebugging: you put yourself in the vicinity of a task and do stuff around the task, like wiping down the counter instead of doing the dishes, with the end result that if you don't end up doing the dishes, you still get dishes-adjacent cleaning done. (The post explained it better, sorry.) I've been junebugging my writing lately: I sit down in the morning, take stock of my word count, make notes of things, maybe read back a bit or read another part of the trilogy entirely, and if I don't end up adding things to the section I'm working on, I'm trying to accept that that's okay. It's like the discourse around sleep hygiene: if you're suffering insomnia and can't fall asleep after half an hour, get up and do something else for a bit, then try again. Don't just lay there hating yourself.

A common refrain from my support group: if being hard on ourselves worked, it would have worked by now.

I guess what I'm saying in this long, rambling, caffeinated way is to be gentle with yourself.  Don’t panic. You will write again. It’s part of who you are. There is a soft, tender part of you that needs nourishment and love, and it sounds like maybe you're not getting that from the people around you, and I’m sorry about that. Hold space for what you’re feeling, because you are good and valid and what you’re feeling is valid. 

Take care of yourself, lovely, and keep in touch. Let me know how it goes.   

[colourful-void]

Supporting Satoshi - an examination and comparison of JN36 and XY121

Part One: Snowballs do not cure depression but it was worth a shot

You know that episode of Pokemon where a gym leader beats Satoshi in a battle so hard that one of his pokemon gets mildly hurt (though there's no long term effects) and because of it he becomes depressed, closing himself off from his friends before someone comes along to pull him out of that mental state, and also severe weather phenomena is involved and a reflection of a persons mental state? Or rather, the two episodes?

So when I was watching Journeys, I noticed an episode that had a similar-- but distinctly different-- plot to an xy episode I had seen before. And what was particularly interesting was that while I couldn't stand the xy episode, the journeys episode was one of my favourites. I won't drag this out for you guys, I love the journeys episode and re watch it a LOT and the xy episode sort of just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth. and don't go claiming its solely ship bias, because i saw the xy episode first and disliked it then.

This will analyze both of these episodes, comparing them against each other. Specifically within the context of how Goh and Serena both help Satoshi through a similar situation There will be some discussion of AmourShipping and Satogou in this analysis. I'm going to be a bit negative regarding Serena's actions and the potential "romantic" weight of them here, but I want to be clear that I Do Not dislike Serena as a character. Personally, I wish the writers had given her more room to grow outside of her romantic interests, but I do not hate Serena as a character. I do, however, disagree with her actions in this episode. Please don't take this out of context and dont be ship fighting in the comments, it's boring. This is a comparison of These Two Episodes, not of Goh and Serena and their respective ships as a whole.

This part mainly focuses on the xy episode and the second will focus mainly on the journeys. It's only divided into parts because of the tumblr post limit.

(If you like the xy episode or hate the journeys episode, awesome! having your own opinions is great. these are mine though, so i hope you'll listen to them)

With that out of the way, let's start. And I'm going to use mostly japanese names here because I'm taking screencaps from the subbed japanese copies.

The set up for each of these episodes is eerily similar as pointed out in the gag at the start.

Xy has a bit more set up before the episode in question though, with the initial loss and retreat into the forest by Satoshi taking place the episode before. The episode opens up proper with Satoshi taking time to breathe to himself, alone in the forest.

Emphasis is placed on him taking a deep breath, aided by the visuals showing them (thanks cold air) and the silence of the rest of the soundscape, with the only other sounds being the wind and some bird pokemon, plus some falling snow.

Journeys Satoshi starts off in a better mental state than Xy, with the episode starting off with him jogging along with his pokemon.

However, we can still see that he's been affected by the last battle he lost, against Saitou, as he's putting a lot of effort into training and doing better.

Which, doesn't go well for him, as he loses his next two battles as well, and drops in the World Championship ranking as a result

And he's pretty upset about it too. Same thing as over in xy. In both cases, a respective friend/love interest notes that Satoshi is upset and expresses concern.

He's got support from his friends in both situations! But that support comes across in very different ways.

But, to understand how that support manages to affect Satoshi, we need to understand the problem at play.

Now, I wanna make something clear here. Satoshi's problem is not that he is a sore loser. I'm not arguing that's not a contributing factor, or that he's not upset about the loss (particularly in the world championships), He's still bitter about the lost part, but the root of the problem is not losing, he's been shown to be fine with losing (if not a bit more motivated to win now) in prior episodes.

Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are getting hurt. Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are getting hurt, because they're losing battles. Satoshi's problem is that his pokemon are losing battles because he's not training them well enough. And to clarify, that's not my viewpoint, it's his. Satoshi's problem is that he's not good enough for himself, and he feels that that's something he has to fix on his own.

So how do we help him?

Our weather event in question is introduced in separate points in the episodes, but I'll cover them both now.

In xy, it's this snowstorm, which conveniently becomes a problem directly after Serena returns to the Pokemon Centre.

In journeys, it's a sandstorm! That's in near direct contrast to a snowstorm! Incredible.

Heading back to xy Satoshi, things aren't going great in the forest. Luckily, Serena's run off to find him.

I think it's of note here that Serena runs off with the best intentions, she wants to help Satoshi, plain and simple. It just sort of goes wrong along the way.

It's worth noting that Xy Satoshi tries to bring himself out of being sad by the tried and true method of "stop being sad"

Despite telling himself this, he doesn't get anywhere. Which makes sense, because it's not getting the the root of the problem. It's not even addressing it at all. He's just trying to 'be better', which isn't even a battle strategy. However, it is something I can see him saying, so this isn't a critique of Satoshi's thought process, but me pointing out that this isn't really effective. Which is supported by the narrative, because again, he doesn't get anywhere, he doesn't even move.

I can't show it in screencaps but the lights in Satoshi's eyes are shaking here, something that they consistently do throughout the series when he's feeling a particularly strong emotion. Keep that in mind. It couples well with another trait of his, and that's his hat!

And by that I mean how he hides his eyes with the brim of it when upset, something he does exactly as Serena shows up and calls out to him. Now, he's not upset that Serena is here. He's upset about the pokemon stuff still. He's trying to hide the fact that he's upset from Serena.

Serena starts off with her speech well, trying to appeal to Satoshi to let her in and talk things out. And maybe it's because he wasn't ready for it yet, or because of the way she phrases it (a lot of 'i' and 'me' language which can be helpful but can also come across as though she's making it about her. not her intent i don't think, but a possible interpretation.), it's not her fault for how Satoshi reacts regardless.

But how Satoshi reacts is not good.

Now it's really interesting to note that before this, Serena was standing while Satoshi was sitting, putting her above him in terms of active power, when it comes to how the shot is presented, but when Satoshi stands up, the camera tilts with the movement so that they're on equal level. Neat!

And Serena yells in return, scolding Satoshi for not talking about it. Not the best move, since pushing someone to talk about something that's upsetting them isn't really productive, but she's trying here and she's frustrated.

Satoshi continues to withdraw and self isolate, claiming it is his problem and that he wants to be left be. Now, this is the mindset of a clearly upset person and isolation may not be the best option, but he did make the explicit request to be left alone here.

He's clearly upset as he turns away from Serena's eye and slumps over a little.

And then Serena throws a snowball at him.

Angry as he is, you can see Satoshi's expression change when he sees Serena's reaction.

Serena tells Satoshi that she's not like the Satoshi she knows, who is always full of energy and positive and a leader, and a bunch of other positive traits. The problem here, is that Serena's looking at an idealized version of Satoshi. And while the intent here was probably meant to be something more like "you have so many wonderful traits about you I know you can do this", coupled with the snowballs and the phrasing, it seems as though Serena is scolding Satoshi for being sad.

Or rather, being angry with him for not living up to her idealized version of him, and not wanting him to express any negitave emotions.

Which is sort of a really bad mindset.

The snowballs continue, never once does Satoshi fight back. In fact, he stops arguing entirely after the first one. Serena knocks him off his feet and tells him he's not being himself, before running off. (In the english dub, Serena claims that Satoshi isn't being "the real satoshi" and then demands that the real Satoshi be "given back", so it could be worse)

Satoshi decides to literally run his problems away, because it will help him reach some kind of conclusion, and immediately trips and falls down a large hill. No, I'm not making that up. Something like this just isn't like him. He's just gotta stop being sad!

Now personally, I really disagree with the idea that "being upset" isn't "like a person". That's because based off of my own experiences, I know it can be really damaging to hold the mindset that any negative emotions you feel aren't a part of you and that you shouldn't be upset because you're usually a positive and happy person. Not the case with every person, but I personally really have a problem with shows telling children that they just shouldn't be upset instead of processing their emotions in a meaningful way. (The journeys episode doesn't do an outstanding job of it either, but this is a bit of a tangent anyway. A show that does do this right is "OK KO! Let's be Heroes" which actually deals with this problem in greater depth and does a fantastic job of it.)

But the snowball scene ends here. Now I'll get back to Journeys in a moment, but since Serena has finished her part of the comparison for the most part, I'm going to summarize a bit more of the xy episode.

Satoshi decides to literally run his problems away, because it will help him reach some kind of conclusion, and immediately trips and falls down a large hill. No, I'm not making that up.

The snowstorm kicks in, Serena get back annoyed, then similarly groans and yells, and the whole xy gang + pokemon go running off in search of Satoshi. Pikachu appears the most concerned.

Now Serena tells the others she lost her cool and said something horrible to Satoshi, but explains its because Satoshi is someone she admires. Cool motive, I get it, still kinda bad.

and in the end, it's not Serena's words that get he message across to Satoshi. The solution to this problem was Satoshi finding a way to reaffirm his abilities and instinct.

In the xy episode, he helps some pokemon out of the tree, and when his very cool frog friend shows up, they're able to work together with their bond to save this one from falling off a cliff.

Here's the point. Satoshi learns by doing, by actions. He needs to see first hand that there are ways of getting past his problems, and that it's worth having the courage to keep going. The lesson is about valuing pokemon as equals and partners, and specifically that trying to be better as the trainer alone isn't going to help.

This is essentially where this plot line ends, team rocket is there for a bit as well but as much as i love them they're not relevant here, and some fun stuff with the league, love it not important right now its like 3am and I'm not sleeping until this is finished so we gotta keep things moving.

This was no doubt Serena's intent to get a similar point, but she goes about it the wrong way. She tries to convey this with words, as conversation and motivational words have helped her in the past (Elle's words of praise stick with her, Satoshi's words from when they were kids, etc). It's a good idea, but their different ways of learning and growing from a similar situation are incompatible, and that's why things don't work out in Serena's favour. There's also still the problem of "pulling yourself together" not being helpful in this case.

There's also a very similar line in this scene to the one at the end of the journeys episode, as Satoshi says to his frog that they should start over from scratch. It's essentially the same phrase with different wording. It's great. The Storm ends as he realizes this as well! Wonderful in terms of pathetic fallacy.

The gang all reunites, its nice. Satoshi thanks Serena for what she said after apologizing to everyone, which contradicts what he said earlier but I've already established that I dislike this message here so I won't go over it too much. I guess he's right in a literal sense in that in response to her words he went and ran until he tripped off a cliff but the emotional growth here was because of his own actions (and the frogs), not Serena's. Sorry Serena, you'll get em next time.

This is essentially where this plot line ends, team rocket is there for a bit as well but as much as i love them they're not relevant here, and some fun stuff with the league, love it not important right now its like 3am as I write this so we gotta keep things moving.

So. What about Goh?

Well...

(Part Two here on account of image limit!!)

[kiame-sama]

I feel like bitching a bit so if you don't want to read, don't. This is mainly just my experiences in life, so feel free to ask questions about me or my illnesses in the comments if you feel like it.

Mental health issues and creepy people alert!

- I am basically a Jurassic Park T-rex, if you don't move, odds are I won't notice you are there.

1. I almost always come across strays due to seeing them move when others ignore them.

2. BIRDIES. For some reason, my peanut brain really likes birds.

3. Moths too.

- If I am doing something that requires my focus, I HAVE to stim (ie. Bouncing my leg, flicking a pen, ect) or I cannot make my brain pay attention.

1. If I am interrupted while focusing by sound or physical interaction I take 10x longer to return to what I was doing.

2. I was that kid in elementary school who wore sound-canceling headphones because I would get distracted otherwise.

3. If I try too hard to make my brain focus, I get a migraine or I hyper-focus. Hyper-focusing is NOT a super power or any other lie you have been told. If I hyper-focus I no longer pay attention to my body's needs meaning I could be sitting for six hours without drinking anything or standing up or going to the bathroom and once I do move, all of these needs are suddenly screaming at me for attention. It is horrible.

- Sensory overload happens easily and I am a moody bitch when it does happen.

1. Sounds make me mad, people make me mad, smells make me mad, ect. Everything becomes too much to deal with and I usually wind up leaving and hiding out alone to try and simmer down.

2. Too many people around me make my brain angry and it makes my anxiety go through the roof to the point that- if I am alone and can't use someone I know to 'hide'- I will have a severe panic attack which can last for several hours depending on the situation. It ain't pretty.

3. My gerbil brain doesn't like foot-coverings and socks rubbing up against the inside of my shoe upset me. However, I cannot simply go barefoot as I work in an infectious diseases hospital lab so there is too much risk even though I hate it.

- My meds screw with my body temp and blood pressure.

1. I'm a chubby person, so I retain heat well, however the slightest raise in temperature makes me miserable from heat and sweat the majority of my water-weight. I am almost always on the line of dehydrated and not.

2. Even though I'm chubby, I typically have a lower blood pressure. My meds make that blood pressure even lower so I cannot get up quickly without almost fainting. Stretching is dangerous.

- Vibe check. I am good at reading the vibe of those around me and the general energy of a person. Apparently, I look quite approachable because I even had my high school teachers vent to me about their lives.

1. I'm 5ft, large curved female with Hermione curly hair and quite literally G-cup breasts with a big dump-truck to match along with decently thick glasses and an introvert tendency. I am the most nonthreatening creature and people seem to vibe with that even though I try to avoid all people.

('Fun-fact'; I moved from training-bras to a d-cup at 11 years old and have had creepy men and women blatantly stare at my chest with adult men trying to hit on me even though I wasn't close to 18 years old. I still have the staring issue at a g-cup and often wear baggy clothes to cover up)

- Because I am short, people think it is funny to target me or mess with me more than others, what they don't realize is I bite. Put a single hand on me without giving me warning and I will bite (even if it is a friend, they have learned to say something before touching me). I don't bite gently either. When I bite I go for blood.

- Animals typically like me. I have had squirrels, bunnies, mice, rats, raccoons, stray cats/dogs, birds, and even lizards come up to me. I don't know why they do it, probably a weird pheromone thing or something, but they do. My art professor back in college got a picture of me at the botanical gardens with a mouse sitting on my shoe and grooming itself while I kneeled and drew plants.

- I stare. A lot. Probably because I play video games but it is rare to see me blink. (Yes, I have chronic dry eyes)

- I am narcoleptic and wear a med-alert bracelet because I can get so deep in sleep sternum rubs do not wake me. It is a constant battle to stay awake given how exhausted I feel 24/7 yet I thrive more at night.

- Think of a time you have been absolutely exhausted. You don't want to move, you don't think you can get up, you just want rest and your muscles ache and you dint think you can even lift a cup for some water. Multiply that by 7 now add on auditory and visual hallucinations from active Rapid Eye Movement sleep even though you are awake and you got my experience with Narcolepsy. Excessive laughter and extreme fear makes me collapse due to Cataplexy which can often come with narcolepsy.

1. I am an avid horror movie watcher because I used to jump at everything which would trigger my Cataplexy. I TRY to scare myself and numb myself to certain fear responses so I don't collapse during a dangerous situation.

2. Most people take 30min to an hour to enter REM sleep. Narcoleptics take significantly less time and can even take less than 5min to enter REM sleep. I can start dreaming while I am awake and that is horrifying because my brain is not nice to me on a GOOD day.

- I am hyper aware of embarrassment and despise embarrassment humor. It is akin to torture to me and I quite literally will writhe in discomfort if I am unable to intervene. Others being humiliated or embarrassed causes me extreme discomfort and most comedy is based on embarrassment humor. I hate it.

- I can barely remember my own name but if I hear someone's favorite candy or least favorite food, even from a passing conversation, I will remember it. This is helpful to me when it comes to giving others gifts.

- Music makes me happy and helps me remember things so long as they are in musical form.

- I am 24 and my hair is already going gray. I'm not talking a few strands either. I'm talking 1/4th of my hair is already gray.

- I am allergic to alcohol. My body doesn't process it properly and my meds make it deadly to me. I can't and don't drink. It is rare if I even have a tiny little mike's hard lemonade.

- my giant breasts give me chronic back and neck pain to the point I have considered a reduction, but they are the only things I like about myself and I have trash self esteem issues, so I'm not getting rid of them even though they hurt me.

Bleh